#unless it does mention he has glasses somewhere and i just forgot. in which case i ddint say any of this

[alivehouse]

i respect glasses wearing david ward truthers but i do not agree simply because i think if he was wearing glasses wed hear about them getting broken or stolen or stepped on 24/7. thats just the kind of life he leads

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[cautionworks]

Okay, so I wanted to write some NSFW Headcanons for Hisoka. All of these headcanons I said are purely based on my interpretation. I have read some other Hisoka headcanons before but I forgot about them a while ago. Plus I know nothing about actual sex. So I'll have fun writing this. Here we go lol.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends on who's he with. If it was just a one-night stand he won't attempt to be comforting or try to care about the other party. The most He'll do is clean himself and nothing more. If he had a "significant other" that's a different story. He would cuddle the hell out of you. I imagine him as a clingy person (Which I hate). Once he's finished he just wants to fall asleep with you under his arms. He finds it relaxing to have your back against his chest. Especially when it's soft.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

The back. I do not know why but I have the feeling that he would like a person's back. Especially if the person has slightly defined back muscles. Something about a person's back seems so vulnerable to Hisoka that he leans towards it whenever he’s behind someone he finds attractive. It's part of the reason why he likes to be behind people. Because he feels it's the most vulnerable place and he won't hesitate to take advantage of it when it comes to his enemies. Seriously don’t have this man around women with shirts that expose the backside. Or bikinis. He will not stop staring. Now I think about it I think he’ll like a virgin sweater.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I’m a disgusting person)

Hisoka will eat it/swallow it. He's no stranger when it comes to being nude in his abode. So him being in his natural self, he won't hesitate to taste his own or his partner's bodily fluid. (Not pee you weirdos).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hisoka is a secretive man. It's literally what his name means. When asked direct questions he'll find a way to dodge them without seeming suspicious. And he's a liar. But when it comes to the bedroom. It's another side of him. He's not so secretive about it. It's just no one asks him about it and so he never felt the need to mention it. But when he did he will say it all. This man has done very risque things in his life. He once fucked a girl in an office building right after he killed her boss. There’s was a huge gathering of people including the girl's boyfriend. And he did it in one of those rooms where there's a glass that's see-through on one side and the other is not. Which the boyfriend happened to be there. You can guess which side he did it on. In the end, that girl was left with the time of life of her life and the loss of her partner and her job.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Extremely experienced. I'm sorry I'm a firm believer that Hisoka got laid many times by various women and men. If he's so strategic and calculated in fighting people then it's no surprise that he has skills in the bedroom. Plus he needs the release. I can't imagine how bored and frustrated he is when he can't kill anyone or there are no strong opponents. So it's understandable that he looks for partners to ease his stress. If there's nobody available at the moment. Then he will do what any man would do. Le master debate.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Again this one depends on who's he with. If he just with one of his late-night booty calls he would do the normal doggy style. If he's with someone he's heavily interested in. He will do all sorts of positions. His favorite position is where he can always see your face. Because one he wants to know if he's doing a good job. Two. He likes to watch your face morph into different facial expressions as he touches you in different ways.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He can be hella silly sometimes. If he's having sex with you for a while he will feel comfortable being playful. Of course, he can be serious if he needs to. But that rarely ever happens. The only times he would get serious if he was actively trying to get you pregnant for whatever reason. Which is not an issue. He uses bungee gum. It contains rubber and gum. Free condoms everyone. (Lol)

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Oh hell yeah the carpet matched the drapes! You were surprised that it was the same hair color as his hair. You were so in disbelief that you considered that he just dyed it. Which was not the case. Let's just say Hisoka likes to keep things short. Normally you would find it to be shaved. Yet, sometimes he'll leave some hair to grow. A little hair never really bothered him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

*sigh* This one depends. Ima skip this one because Hisoka is not romantic. Just kidding. Because I think he would be good in the bedroom, I think he CAN be a romantic partner. Romantic how? I don’t know he can be that’s all there’s to it. (Talk about laziness)

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does it more often than the average person. Like I said in my (E = Experience) Hisoka would do it if there’s nobody available at the moment. What I didn’t say is where and when he would do it. He’ll do it anywhere. This man has no shame. He will do it in a church, public bathroom, or hospital bed. Inside or out. It did not matter to him. Unless if it was raining. That would be his own little rule but he breaks it all the time. For some reason, many opportunities for sex happened to be on rainy days. When? He’ll do it even when he has a mission to do with Illumi. If he’s in the middle of a job and He's in horni mode. He’ll find a way to release without anyone knowing. He could do it right in front of a person without them knowing. Sometimes he just stands there with an orgasmic face on. The only way he’s able to masturbate in public is because he is using bungee gum. I know for a fact he’s use’s this ability in his sexual encounters with people especially for himself. This man could just stand there and you wouldn’t know if he was just being weird or he’s just doing it again.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

KINK SHAMING IS HIS KINK! I’m just kidding. Without a doubt, Hisoka would have one or two kinks. Bondage. Bondage. Bondage. As boring and well known this kink is. It makes sense at least to me it does. Hisoka bungee gum ability can grab, stick or even trap a person. So he finds pleasure in watching his partner's skin be wrapped in his bungee gum. He has so much control over it. How tight it can be. How rubbery or gummy it can be depending on the situation.Another thing I’d like to say. Hisoka is A SADIST AND MASOCHIST. He likes giving and receiving pain. That’s just how it is.

L = Location (Favorite places to do they do)

Anywhere that has a good spot to fuck you against something. Any surface that he can place you on. But if he were to have a “favorite place” it would be in places that are morally wrong to do or somewhere exciting like a carnival/circus. Hisoka hasn’t set limits to himself so usually, it's his partner that sets the boundaries.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

If he sees you in revealing clothing (Especially if your back is completely exposed) his wood is rising. You could just be lying on your stomach on the couch, scrolling on the phone. If you’re wearing a bra or nothing on and Hisoka happens to be there. There’s no doubt he'll find ways to lay his hands on you. It's not just the back that could turn him on. THIGHS AND HAMSTRINGS will have the man going. In particular, he likes it when it's Thicc/meaty. My man likes dem Thicc thighs. (Lol)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

This one is only one of my most important headcanons ever. And I won’t accept anything other than this. Rape/Noncon. Hisoka does not find any joy in forcing himself on his partners. It’s not fun for him if his partner isn’t enjoying it either. The biggest turn-off for him would have to be anything related to bodily wastes like pee or poo.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Oh, he likes receiving it more than giving it. But that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy giving his significant other pleasure too. I would say his skill level is pretty good. Let’s just say when he does it, it's more than enough to please his partner. When he receives it expect lots of hair pulling and heavy groans.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fuck! It depends on his mood. Normally he likes to do it slow and sensual. But on a bad day, he does it rough and fast. A Good example of this was after Chrollo told him he can not use nen. Hisoka kept his emotions to himself. The only face he allowed himself to show was his normal displeased face. But inside he’s pissed. Once he leaves the troupe he heads back to his partner's place and sleeps with them. At least he released his frustration without killing anyone. (Omg Imagine fucking Hisoka was the leading cause of people still alive) Other than that he just aggressively masturbates.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

*Deep inhaling* Hisoka IS THE KING OF QUICKIES. He’s a master at it. While he’s patient for riping fruits he rarely has patience for sexual activities. He's on the go constantly. If he finds someone that catches his eye he’ll go after them. So a nice quickie is great and all but it doesn’t entirely satisfy him. Because it doesn’t satisfy him overall, a proper well spent “shagging” (This will be the first and last time I’ll ever write “Shagging”) He’s happy. Just happy that he can give his all. Which he can not do often.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely! Hisoka has his life on gamble all the time. Whether it may be life-threatening or a simple card game. Risking taking is his character. Even if it's too crazy. He’ll do it anyway. He's an exhibitionist for sure. He’ll let people watch as long no one touches his partner.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

To my knowledge. IRL men need a break after sex. In the show, Hisoka was able to clear the hunter's exam easily. So we know Hisoka has a lot of endurance than the average human. He’s stronger and faster. So that means Hisoka will not get tired after one round of sex. I think he can go at least 10 rounds. Of course, Hisoka would get tired at some point. He’s still human. Hisoka just has a lot of stamina. And that’s a fact.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yall are probably gonna hate me for this but Hisoka doesn’t own toys. If his partner wants it during their time together, he will not hesitate to get it/use it. He doesn’t feel the need to use it since he’s very confident in his ability to please his partner without the use of toys. For himself? if wants something inside him then he’ll just look for a guy that’s decent for his standards. But that doesn’t stop him from using a dildo/vibrator for himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Hisoka is a sadistic devil. He can be cruel sometimes. One time he had this girl close to climax and he stopped in the middle of it. Or He would cause arousal to his partner and pretend it was all an accident. He’s a huge teaser. He likes to watch his partner be in ecstasy and switch to fits of anger.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a fucking whale. (LMAO) He’s the reason why kids know what moans sound like. He’s hella vocal in his private moments. He so loud that almost every troupe member recognizes his moans every time they hear them. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be quiet. Contrary to popular belief, Hisoka can be dead silent when he needs to be. He can be quiet as a mouse. Even quieter than the mouse. Now, what does he sound like? Well, we all heard his moans his fights. But I think it's different. I think his moans in fights are different while masturbating/sex. Just a slight difference. His moans would be more intense and he's a heavy breather. His tone of moans is a bit feminine with a tint of masculinity. He has the best of both worlds.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He likes to have pictures of you. Like a lot. He has a private gallery full of pictures of you on his phone. That’s why this time he actually takes care of his phone. He’s prone to get his phone destroyed in his missions. So he’s much careful with it now. These pictures can range from cute photos of you and him together to butt naked pics of you not looking.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

Now you horny Hisoka Simps think he has a 12-inch dick but I don’t think that’s the case. (I mean come on) I know there are Chinese HxH fans who took the time to measure his length by looking at manga panels. Based on what I found. Hisoka is 5 inches long (aroused) and 6 inch Inches long (aroused). To make him above “Average”. He is 6 inches long (aroused) and 7 inches Inches long (aroused). Beyond that I don’t know how a female or male have can have a size like that fit in them. Or maybe I’m not educated enough on this topic. I don’t know and I don’t care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very High. A lot of people who write Hisoka smut fics tend to make him a horny bastard. For me, I think that is the case. But my reasons are different. As I said in my E = Experience. Hisoka would look for partners to ease his stress. His obsession with finding/fighting strong opponents takes a toll on his mental and physical state. So once he can't think of another outlet for his tremendous amounts of energy, he'll use it to please himself with different partners.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

I'm going to say that depends on the person. If he only did 2-3 rounds of sex with an average person he's not going to fall asleep easily. Eventually, he will. Due to being bored and little tiredness. If he were to do it with a skilled nen user like Machi. He would get tired a lot more.

Oh woah that took forever to write! Let me just say it again this is purely my own headcanons. The questions are not mine only my answers. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

[choric]

( park jimin - demimale, he/they ) — did you see noeul han walking down the street? the twenty-three year old has lived here for three weeks. i heard they’re an aspiring painter & a part-time barista now, time sure flies. gooey by glass animals always did remind of them, maybe it’s because they’re so audacious & charitable. though i did hear they can also be commanding & capricious if you catch them on a bad day.

hey babes drum-roll it’s admin fany here to welcome yall~ with some random info about me I guess uh so I’m 26, living in northern europe, most of the time dying bc I’m not made for these hot ass summers, other times just being distracted twelve times outta ten jsyk I’m not ignoring anyone my attention span is just in the negatives. or I’m playing overwatch. or subnautica when I’m feeling particularly masochistic.  would drop dead without tea. ye. that’s all for today folks

anyway here’s Noeul’s profile if you wanna peep also a very messy plot page aaaand I’m gonna ramble about him now uwu

tw: emotional abuse, tw: assault ( kinda brief mentions, esp the assault, I tried keeping it safe )

born in Seoul but his family moved to USA when he was barely 6. they moved around a l o t since then but stayed within the borders. save for one weird year in France back in 2010

he haTED it. all the constant moving around and starting at new schools with new people trying to get new friends and find new hobbies and leaving pretty much everything behind so often just stressed the hell out of his young self and he was in a perpetual state of over-emotional about the whole ordeal and angry and bitter and yeah. not having a good time

over the years he managed to find ways to cope with it, drawing and painting being a major thing as it was one of very few things he could just continue without any special arrangements made or it feeling different. putting all that bent up negativity on paper was helpful in itself so he stuck with it without much thought then, clinging into a lifeline of one constant in a sea of variables

later on it morphed from being less of a therapeutic activity and more one of him being able just flow with creativity, paint with a less personal agenda and enjoy it way more too ( not to say he doesn't still use it as a form of escapism too )

reading was another thing he found enjoyment in, especially during his early teenage years. that is something he doesn't engage that often in anymore however

his parents didn’t really care about what hobbies he took on ( even with painting carrying throughout the years he ended up trying a whole slew of other things too ) until it became apparent he was actually considering art as a legit career path. neither agreed it being a good idea but they didn’t flat out deny him either.. just were very patronising about it for months and by that time he had come to actual decision of going through with it out of pettiness alone lmao. which of course served nothing but to legit piss them off and led to a number of arguments they still have to this day yikes

his parents entire view on life seemed to be there was no point getting attached to anything, sentimentality was a flaw and you could just buy everything you needed again without much care for what was left behind. especially his mom had a lot of emotionally abusive ways to steer his life in the direction she wanted, but giving just enough freedom for him to think he had a say in anything. not to say she wasn’t supportive and encouraging too but he honest to god can’t tell now how much of it was genuine. she was especially fond of using subtle blackmail in form of referring to her own feelings and how his actions will upset her, occasionally bursting into a loud tirade which was then quickly pushed to the side without any apologies for making him in turn upset so boy was always just on edge. this still happens but he pretty much only communicates with her through calls anymore so, Noeul just hangs up when she starts acting up. his dad was more the type to not involve himself into his hobbies and likes or anything at all he only cared about academic plans.

that all messed him up big time in his younger years bc he was inherently just very attached to everything and everyone but now.. it’s almost the complete opposite, enough repetition and shit will stick I guess cause he has next to no sentimental feelings towards anything, in turn actually loves travelling and meeting new people now. partially also cause he doesn’t feel obligated to uphold anything or allow himself being chained down, he treats everything like it’s fleeting, but not without care– don’t assume he doesn’t care when that’s something he does in abundance actually. he just.. accepts nothing lasts forever. ironic enough he’s adopted far too many of his parent’s habits to count now but has grown more tender with the experiences rather than cold. probably a miracle in itself. hella guarded about his feelings tho

so yeah he moved to LA ( parents were at the time both living in NYC ) for art school and got that bachelor of fine arts degree, graduating just spring last year and has no desire to further those studies cause screw school he’s done with institutions for a decade

also his parents filed for divorce while he was at it. before he was even done with freshman year. wasn’t all too surprising nor did he have anything to really say about it, except the times mom called him whilst drunk and essentially blamed it on him being a bad son :/// his dad’s fucked off somewhere he hasn’t heard whole lot from him in last three years beside birthday texts and money transfers to his bank account. and subtle messages through mom about how he expects him to clean up one of these days. meanwhile mom mostly contacts just to check he’s alive & doing well financially while slipping in vague ‘if you would have just listened to me‘s and ‘when will you come to your senses’s >_>

forgot to mention his dad’s a CEO of a small airline company. don’t ask me what his mom does idk prob some manager of a huge ass successful online shop?? something along those lines

will not speak about them if asked tbh don't expect anything other than "they're alive."

does not like announcing his ( their ) wealth to the world either and tries not to make decisions that could reflect that but something always has to give in the end. like he’s just way too happy to blow money on other people no matter how subtle he tries to be about it and often like his parents buys new stuff instead of finding ways to bring his old along, some of his clothes are also a dead giveaway it’s not so much that he specifically purchases anything cause it’s designer but if it looks nice he doesn’t see it as any different buying from any other store around. smells awfully lot like privilege but he’s unapologetic in getting exactly what he wants, it’s not his problem if someone takes offence to that

kind of also hates that he’s so dependant on parent’s money still but has made peace with it by giving away and works twice as hard for his own stuff, regardless if it yields anything cause he’s not doing this whole painting thing as a means to gain money ( would like to, but alas, it’s a tricky career path ) more from pure passion for the art

and noeul def is not gonna tell them to stop sending him cash he'll just have fun spending it in all the shit they'd hate-- even if they've basically set conditions but weird enough haven't cut him off yet.  guess that really is the only thing they can give him and they know it too :)) 

so. doesn’t actually like sitting idle even tho he all but could, yet cannot happily place himself in an establishment with very strict 9 to 5 shifts and such, so if and when he takes on extra work occasionally it’s always part-time, and for own personal gratification

in the case of him recently taking on a spot as a part-time barista here in acarike ( started like, two days ago or something ) was also bc of keeping up appearances ( surely he would run out of money eventually? no, but no one needs to know that ) and getting to know some of the people around since his group of road-tripping friends have seriously decided to settle in

if anyone was wondering yes he has experience working in cafes, among other places. his parents abhorred him taking on such jobs at all cause “what was the point? are we not providing enough?” first of all did he ask?

I guess he is currently residing in the stardust motel?? but is looking for a place

for him travelling in the past few years has been sorta cathartic, inspiring if I dare say both in personal growth and in his work since he can decide on everything by himself, where he wants to go, for how long, for why etc

sometimes likes when he has company for that, other times he just needs to make a trip in solitary. altogether prefers meeting random people along the way

is a kind of odd friend, loyal, compassionate and all that but puts himself before anyone else. or rather puts his emotional and other needs before everything else. if he feels you’re the one getting more out of it than he is it’s not worth it sorry. very generous tho and sees it as his duty to help others in any way if it doesn’t inconvenience him. not unreliable but available only when it suits him. so unless it’s life threatening or emotional distress he will not drop everything for even a friend’s sake you can wait an hour or two. can make friends as quick as he drops them

might get a little inappropriately affectionate with friends. especially so when intoxicated

is an even weirder lover. he loves the idea and feeling of being in love and the emotional thrill of it. relationships are fun yeah but commitment?? not in his. vocabulary. to elaborate he lives for the push and pull and the suspense of it all and needs things to stay stimulating on all levels across the board when deepening relationships further while also being able to maintain a sense of own freedom. he craves the sort of emotional security and gratification it all brings but refuses to become dependant on it ( he knows how that will go ), furthermore does not like all the limitations it brings nor everything being perfect to the point of feeling fake??

tries to make it clear that he’s NOT looking for anything long term but even then people haven’t taken it well when he out of the blue announces they should stop whatever it is they’re doing. he always feels bad about it and tries to part in good terms but yeah :// many hearts have been broken. it’s probably even worse for the other person cause Noeul himself seems to have absolutely no problem continuing his life like nothing happened. all this has made him into a bit of a serial dater??

in whole he takes everything as they are, nothing is everlasting and he doesn’t try to make it so, doesn’t necessarily want to. values experiences but doesn’t get too hung up on letting go of them. including relationships. this is something a lot of people in his life wont understand and it’s frustrating for everyone involved sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do. might be scared of opening up to people. of that attachment. maybe he’s actually just picky and is waiting for something out of the world magical who knows

repels all negativity as if his life depended on it like. add begone thot meme here

but can also be very confrontational so???

is actually in constant war with himself over positive and negative emotions but filters that out pretty handily. most of the time. cause uh absolutely will turn vicious and loud when angry. sensitive to criticism and personal attacks but gets over it quick enough. does hold grudges but mainly towards people whose opinion he cares about. strangers rarely phase him. has random emotion™ bursts but tbh only cries when being shouted at and/or being target of someone’s wrath-- OR when noeul's angry himself?? also lowkey dramatic but most of the time he’s just sorta chill and cheery, occasionally sarcastic but in a good-natured way he doesn’t mean ill with it. has very strong opinions on some things but doesn’t care if someone else sees it differently. as long as they’re not saying their way is the only right way. or if their reasoning is utter bullshit which he will call out then :))

negative people just make him laugh. will not take your ass seriously at all if you’re being a douche. used to take offence to these kinds of people all the time but he’s grown out of it and learned to simply ignore people who don’t deserve the time of his day. at least outwardly.

similarly used to be very.. well. lets say prone to letting people control and push him around cause that’s what he had learned to accept but whoo boy when he finally figured it out and took the reigns into own hands no one could stop him try it bitch

likes doing things in own terms in general, need for control has kinda taken off so will not take kindly to being ordered around in any manner. tries not to impose on other people or be pushy himself but cannot stand indecisiveness so. it happens. for better or for worse

in tune with his surroundings and current community of people if something’s off he can sense it and it will bug him to no end before it’s fixed. this could be anything from his room being in disarray to something going on in the city in whole

I ain’t saying he’s a psychic but actually stupid intuitive most cases WILL see through your bullshit don’t even try

…ok but lowkey into supernatural stuff and spirituality all that jazz he’s gone through it all while trying to find himself– which is a whole another can of worms we ain’t opening here

did I forget to mention noeul and co ( minho & jae ) rolled into town in this shiny big rv. he's def looking to buy a smaller car to drive around

not too keen on giving rides to strangers since this one time two summers ago that went south real fast when a guy pulled a knife on him. has a pretty big scar to show for it on his right side? tummy?? there’s a pic in the profile page if you’re curious. he jokes about it now "it adds character" but is actually terrified of that happening again so perpetually jumpy minho blames himself for it cause he's dumb

you can prob hear him coming 5 miles away with the amount of jewellery he adorns

don’t get me started on his wardrobe it’s a mixed bag and then some. gender norms belong into the fiery pits of a volcano

is equal parts a tea & coffee enthusiast basically lives off that stuff. i'm probably not even exaggerating here boy forgets to eat when he gets focused on something and just wolfs down a pot of coffee.

obsessed with watermelon flavoured lollipops probably has one on him at all times somehow magically pulls them outta thin air??

you can prob find him painting outside in the randomest places when the weather's nice

likes painting on people probably as much as painting them

it’s not an intimacy thing I swear. but. can be?? probably accidentally turns that way that’s just how he is

prefers either to focus on faces ( eyes specifically ) or nude models in general fcking @ him

this. is so long already I’m sorry omg

and that’s all I got my brains’ fried over this all but yo come plot with me pls also check my plots maybe orrr if you want me to check your plots ( I’d love to!! ) come poke me ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[terresdebrumestories]

For a Napollya prompt could I maybe request an AU where Illya works as a CIA/FBI agent working to capture the very annoying and slippery art thief who constantly flirts with him while on the job? (You can choose whichever time period this takes place in, could be modern day, 20s, 60s or whatever)

Settlement

Fandom: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (Movie)Series: -Rating: General audiencesWordcount: 1 450 wordsPairing(s): NapollyaCharacter(s): Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin.Genre: Hidden declarations of commitment.Trigger warning(s): None that I’m aware of.Summary: It isn’t the first time this happened and, honestly, it’s not the most frustrating either. The Youtube fake fire is a bit much, though.Note(s): Thanks for this prompt, I liked it very much! (As evidenced by how it’s like. Triple the size of my usual FFN stories.) It could probably use a bit of polishing to be a better story, but my unofficial rule for these things is ‘write, spell check, post’ unless the first version is truly horrendous (if I start treating my Flash Fic prompts like my longer stories, I won’t be able to call them flash fics at all tbh) so…have this. Thanks again, Nonners! TMFU is my current obsession and I could use more training for writing our favorite spie :3

“Ihope you like carbonara,” Solo’s voice announces from thekitchen, “I couldn’t find the ingredients for anything fancier.”

Illya,still halfway into the hallway with his hand on his gun, takes asecond to sigh and press at the headache budding between his eyesbefore he holsters his weapon. Solo must have ascribed some sort ofmeaning to the silence, though, because he steps out of the kitchenwith a shit eating grin and the most garish apron Illya has ever seenin his life. And that includes the cowboys and cacti model the manwore when he first did this, back in Berlin.

“Youreally need to take better care of your kitchen, you know.”

Illyagives him the kind of flat stare that makes his colleagues pause andthe new recruits reconsider talking to him altogether. It would bemore efficient if Solo hadn’t been immune to it from the beginning,but just because the stupid American doesn’t have any sense ofshame or decency doesn’t mean Illya needs to indulge him. He doesholster his gun, though. He can’t shoot an unarmed suspect,especially one without a violent history, and Solo missed far toomany opportunities to hurt him to play that card now.

“You’reand international thief,” Illya tells the man as he closes the doorbehind him, “I don’t take suggestions from you.”

“Internationalart thief,” Solo corrects, walking back to the stove, “andyou did ditch the bow tie.”

Illyarefuses to raise to the bait but, Solo is just conceited enough totake any kind of answer as a confirmation of guilt. It wouldn’trankle so much if he were wrong but, well. Illya did have doubtsabout the bow tie before Rome, and Solo may be many things, but he’sdefinitely not tasteless. Nothing in the world could make himoutright admit that, though.

Hesighs.

“Why?”

“Youforgot?” Solo tosses over his shoulder with mock hurt. “Tovarishch,I’m offended.”

Illyarolls his eyes and, because he knows he won’t have peace until heagrees to the stupid masquerade, goes to fetch cutlery in the drawersand set up a table for two.

“Oh,dining room, please,” Solo says when he realizes Illya is going forthe kitchen table. “I’m not having an anniversary dinner on aFormica table.”

“It’sa practical material,” he says.

Illyahasn’t learned enough French to catch the exact meaning of Solo’sreply, but the disdainful tone is easy to catch. He ignores it,leaving two plates with Solo and going to set the rest of the tableinstead. He can’t quite restrain a scandalizes noise when herealizes Solo pulled up a ten-hours loop of burning log on the TV.

“Itis an anniversary, Tovarishch. Did you expect me to put soccer on?”

“Ihear Marseilles is playing Paris,” Illya replies while he tries toremember on which side of the plate the fork goes in Italianetiquette. “The whole office talked about that today.”

“Andnot me?”

Solohas appeared in the living room with two plates in hand, apron tossedoff to reveal the pin-stripped three piece suit underneath: asingle-breasted navy thing that cost as much as Illya’s currentcouch. It’s still an Anderson & Sheppard, though, and Illyasuspects half the reason is because the shop is discreet enough notto let Solo’s appointment hours slip out to Interpol until it’stoo late or entirely unavoidable.

“Clearly,”Solo concludes as he sets the plates side by side on the coffeetable, “I need to put in some effort. I was thinking about aModigliani, next time.”

Solohates Modigliani, and even if he didn’t Illya knows better than toexpect a straight admission of intent from him. He makes a note tomention it to the team just in case, though, see if there’sanything more behind the reference than mere fancy. It isn’t as ifthey’ve had much to work with these past few months, anyway. Illyahasn’t heard anything new on Solo in weeks before tonight.

“Goingsoft, Solo?” He asks, frowning at the shiver of dislike thatcourses through his chest at the thought.

“Thinkingof retiring, actually.”

Illyaknows he shouldn’t have turned so fast. At the very least, heshould have avoided knocking his empty wine glass to the ground. Hehas been chasing Solo for thepast five years or so now, though. Hearing the whole thing might bein vain is bound to be a shock. A rather nasty one, too, if therhythm of his heart is to be believed.

“I’mforty-one—”

“Thirty-nine,”Illya corrects, just to remind the man he knows him better than that.

“I’mat a turning point of life is what I’m saying, Tovarishch,” Solocontinues as if he hadn’t noticed the interruption. “Believe mewhen I say this comes as a complete surprise, but these days I’vefound myself longing for some form of…long-term presence, shall wesay. Much as I love my job—”

“It’snot a real job.”

Illyadoesn’t realize he’s been expecting Solo to respond by defendinghis thieving until what comes out of the man’s mouth instead is:

“Yes,well, it still keeps me too busy for an actual social life.”

Illyastares at Solo, the shock of revelation pulling sarcasm out of hisreach.

“You’reserious,” he says.

Solosmiles, shrugs, and digs into his spaghetti like he didn’t justdrop the mother of all bombshells in Illya’s lap. The radius isextremely relative, Illya knows, but still! Five years of mostlysingle-minded pursuit took over hislife as well. He can’t even comprehend the thought of a lifewithout it, yet. It’s too vast, too abrupt, too…damn.

“Ihave what it takes to vanish,” Solo continues after a fewmouthfuls. “I could be gone tomorrow.”

Well,that bit, at least,was expected. It doesn’t make it any easier to swallow, though, andIllya reaches for the wine bottle Solo must have brought from theoutside, fills his over sized glass to the brim, and drains it in onego. His fingers shiver when he’s done, and he doesn’t feel anymore settled, but at least it catches Solo’s attention.

“Sothis is goodbye, then?” Illya manages through gritted teeth.

Theway Solo sets his fork and knife down on the table should probablynot be that satisfying, but then Illya gave up on ‘probably shouldnot’s somewhere between the third time Solo sneaked in his hotelroom for dinner and the first time he got Illya a Christmas gift. (Itwas a pair of silver cuff-links with a hammer and sickle on them. Thebox included a receipt with the words ‘the things I do for you’in Solo’s neat cursive at the bottom.)

Hehasn’t relented in his efforts to catch the man, far from it! He’sgot a couple of broken ribs and a messy cut on his hand to attest forSolo’s messier escape. It’s just that somewhere in the past fiveyears, his disdain for Solo shifted to grudging respect, toappreciation, to the sort of admiration that comes with worthycompetition. He still wants to catch him, he’s just much lesslikely to gloat about it when he does.

“Itcan be,” Solo says after a long time. “If you want.”

Hestill looks infuriatingly put together. Meanwhile, Illya’s handsache with how hard he clutches his fork, and he’s fairly sure he’sabout to break his teeth or something. It’s still a wildlyinappropriate reaction, but at least a minute ago it didn’t hurt.

“I…Iwould miss you, though,” Solo says at last.

Thistime, when Illya turns around, he finds the man looking down at hisplate, carefully chewing around a mouthful of pasta. Illya stompsdown on the ludicrous bubble of golden hope in his chest and asks:

“Areyou saying this because you’re hoping to get out of prison.”

“Please,”Solo protests, the veneer of self-assured sarcasm sliding back intoplace, “I’m not naive enough to think that’s possible. And likeI said, I don’t need your help to get out of a sentence.”

Hepauses, settling his cutlery down on the side of his plate and givinghis fingernails a careful look before he looks Illya in the eyes andcontinues:

“If,however, you aren’t too tired of my presence, I wouldbe…amenable. To negotiation.”

KissingSolo right then and there is just about the antithesis ofprofessional behavior, and once he writes it down in his report he’llhear about it until the end of his days. He’ll be damned if Solodoesn’t make it worth his while, though.

[dangertronic]

Not A Monster Chapter 11

I have no idea how I’m still getting these out daily. 

Fun and softness today, kids!

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Taglist: @creamy-brown-eyes @thetrashvoid

Forever Tags: @sten-bros @agrimny @areyareddie @deamontesnothere @soomar-wine @jakethezombiehunter

Let me know if you wanna switch the tag list you’re in or just plain wanna be in one.

Eleven

The Tozier’s basement was full of the sound of soft music and the laughter of nine teenagers.

They were currently sitting in a circle on the floor (which consisted of Eddie sitting between Richie’s legs while Richie was leaning against the sofa positioned just under the window), telling Jessica and Lucille the stories of how they met.

Of course, it went without saying that they didn’t mention anything to do with the clown or the missing kids.

“So you just helped them to steal a bunch of stuff?” Lucille asked, stifling her giggle. “If that’s not the start of a great friendship, then I don’t know what is.”

“Hey, they told me there was a kid who was pretty much bleeding to death. What would you have done?”

“Exactly the same thing.” Jessica said, sharing a high-five with Beverly. “I’m also assuming that Eddie was the one who did the actual patching up.”

Richie chuckled, reaching around Eddie for one of the cups of eggnog. “How’d you know?”

“She’s been in my house Rich.” Eddie pointed out. “She’s aware of the vast amount of medical supplies we have.”

Beverly snorted, taking a sip of her drink. “So come on. How did you girls meet my boys? They never told me that part. Just that you were two awesome girls madly in love.”

“I met Stan first.” Jessica admitted, leaning to the side to rest her head against Lucille’s shoulder. “I was lost on the first day, and he showed me to my class even though it was out of his way, and then I was paired with Eddie for a project. Bill and Richie happen to be in my homeroom and I met Ben and Mike after one of Mike’s basketball practices while I was waiting for Lucille to finish her cheer practice.”

“Staniel being helpful?” Richie asked, arching a brow. “I don’t believe it.”

“Some people deserve it.” Stan said, his gaze locking with Richie’s. “You’re not one of them.”

“Ouch, Staniel.”

Eddie leaned back, resting his head against Richie’s shoulder and tilting it to the side in order to nuzzle at the space just under his ear.

“Okay, how many cups of that stuff did Eddie have since getting here?” Richie asked, motioning to the boy who was still nuzzling at him in a manner similar to a cat. “He’s being more affectionate than usual and I’m not used to it.”

“If I were you, I’d just enjoy it.” Mike said, placing his now empty cup between his legs. “Unless… you don’t want him to be this affectionate?”

“If this turns into some chronic PDA where Eddie starts to grind on Richie or something then I’m out.” Stan said, sipping at his drink. “And I don’t mean out of this room. I will literally just walk back home.”

“Staniel, it’s midnight.” Richie pointed out.

“What’s your point, Richie?”

“Stan, don’t be silly. You can’t just walk home after midnight.” Jessica said, linking her hand with Lucille’s. “It’s far too cold for that. At least let me drive you home if that’s the case.”

Eddie chuckled, lifting his head up from Richie’s shoulder. “You guys are mean.”

Jessica slowly arched a brow, a look of amusement coming to her face. “Excuse me, who was the one who broke a guy’s nose at the start of this week?”

“He was hurting Richie!” Eddie defended. “In my presence that is not okay unless you’re myself or Stan.”

“Thanks Eddie.” Stan said, shooting him a grin.

“Hey, someone has to enforce punishment on him and I might be biased sometimes so that’s when I tag you in.”

“Stan’s definitely the best choice.” Beverly said with a giggle. “He’s always perfectly composed no matter what he’s doing.”

“Makes you wonder if that goes the same for se – ow.” Richie grabbed at his side where Eddie’s elbow had slammed into him.

“Beep, beep, you fucking dumbass. Learn to draw the line.” Eddie scolded.

“Yeah – okay – I got it. Point made.” Richie groaned, rubbing at his side again. “Have I not been abused enough this week?”

Eddie sighed and slowly slid a hand up Richie’s shirt to the place his elbow had connected. Richie flinched as Eddie’s fingers brushed over the bruised area, relaxing when Eddie started to stroke the area in a soothing manner.

“I’m sorry, Rich.” Eddie said, lowering his head back to Richie’s shoulder again, his thumb brushing circles against his side. “I forgot about –”

“Don’t worry about it.” Richie soothed. “I’m a durable man, me. I’ll be back to normal before you know it.”

“The horror.” Stan muttered, earning himself a giggle from Beverly and an elbow to the side from Bill. “I mean – that’s good Rich.”

“You’re going to remember to take it easy over Christmas, right?” Beverly asked, concern ringing in her voice.

“You don’t need to worry, Bev. I’m taking it easy.” Richie assured her with a grin as he stretched his legs out to sit more comfortably. “Eddie makes sure that I move as little as possible while he’s here which is... every day.”

“Are you complaining?” Eddie hissed tiredly against Richie’s neck.

“Nope. Not at all my darling Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie ruffled Eddie’s hair with a grin, pausing only to readjust his glasses.

“Good.”

“Does he even really know what’s going on around him?” Mike asked, peering around Bill to look at Eddie. “He looks really out of it.”

Eddie scoffed. “’M tired, not drunk asshole.”

When Eddie woke the following morning, he was in a mass of tangled limbs on the ground with Richie. He didn’t remember falling to sleep, or how he’d ended up on the floor under what he considered to be the world’s comfiest blankets with Richie practically wrapped around him like some kind of octopus.

The only thing he did know, however, was that he was currently the only person actually awake.

The lump of blankets on the sofa (the only thing that he was able to see from his vantage point on the ground) suddenly moved, a tired looking Stan poking his head out from underneath them with a groan.

“When the hell did you get up there?” Eddie hissed, trying his best not to wake anyone else in the basement up.

Stan blinked the tiredness from his eyes, finally deciding to take in where he was lying before looking to Eddie. “Huh, I’m not really sure. I think Bill helped me to move at some point. I don’t really remember.”

“Christ Stanley, how much did you drink?”

Stan snorted tiredly. “Enough to block out Richie’s voice, that’s for sure. What time is it?”

Eddie shifted in his awkward position, wriggling his arm from Richie’s grasp to check his watch. “It’s eight.”

Stan groaned. “It’s too early to be awake.”

“I guess this is what happens when we’re the first ones to fall to sleep. I kind of just wanna slap Richie awake so he can suffer too.”

“I wouldn’t.” Stan muttered, dropping his head back onto his pillow. “I can’t handle him this early in the morning and I’d like to enjoy the peace for as long as it lasts since you just know as soon as he’s awake that motor mouth is gonna be working overtime.”

Eddie nodded, using his arm to stifle a yawn. “Yeah, enjoying the peace actually sounds good right about now.”

Stan buried his face back into his pillow, closing his eyes again. Eddie wasn’t sure if he was just enjoying the quiet around him or if he’d fallen back to sleep; not wanting to speak in case Stan was trying to get some more sleep.

A thump sounded somewhere behind him, followed closely by a groan.

“Why the fuck is there a table there?”

Stan chuckled tiredly at the irritation in Jessica’s voice, opening his eyes again. “The real question is why you decided to sleep next to a table.”

“I’m like ninety-eight percent sure it wasn’t there last night.” Jessica grumbled, sitting up to rub at her abused knee.

“Well I really doubt that Richie moved it there just to annoy you – scratch that – that’s something he would actually do.”

“I can hear you asshole.” Richie grumbled, nuzzling his face into Eddie’s hair. “You guys are so loud – especially Jess.”

“Yeah well your table abused me. I have a right to be loud.” Jessica snapped, followed by the sound of Beverly giggling.

“Okay, we’ll more than half of us are awake now.” Richie said, slowly unwinding himself from Eddie to stretch out. “We might as well wake up the others for our usual tradition.”

Eddie groaned, nuzzling his face into his pillow. “It’s eight-thirty.”

“But it’s our breakfast tradition, Eds!”

“Absolutely not.” Eddie growled. “I am not getting out of this blanket nest before nine-thirty, and even then it’s only a fifty-fifty chance.”

“You’re so cute when you’re cranky.” Richie said, rolling over to press a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “You stay there, and I’ll make the breakfast. You can have breakfast in bed.”

“Oh, oh, oh, let me help!” Beverly said, bolting up out of her blanket nest and bouncing to her feet. “I wanna help!”

“Christ Marsh, how are you so chipper?” Jessica asked, dropping onto her back next to Lucille.

“You’re all just lightweights.” Beverly said, sticking her tongue out at Jessica. “There’s barely any alcohol in eggnog.”

Stan groaned. “But we still drank a lot of it.”

Beverly flipped him off as Richie sat upright and stretched out better, leaning down to give Eddie another kiss on the head.

Eddie shoved him playfully. “Get your butt out of this nest. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back.”

“You are so not a morning person.” Richie chuckled, climbing out of the blanket nest and tucking the blanket around Eddie. “Beverly and I shall return soon enough with breakfast.”

Richie and Beverly had left the basement all of five seconds when Eddie spoke again.

“Richie is cooking… without real supervision…”

“God fucking damn it.” Stan groaned, sitting up and clambering his way off the sofa and over Eddie. “I’m on it.”

Eddie sighed and nuzzled back down into his pillow, closing his eyes again. It felt like he’d only closed them for a mere minute before the three of them returned to the basement, the stairs creaking under their feet.

“Wake up fuckers, it’s breakfast time!” Richie shouted, placing a tray of pancakes onto the table.

“God damn it Tozier.” Lucille groaned, kicking at his leg. “Let me sleep.”

“Richie it’s nine in the fucking morning.” Bill snapped, throwing his pillow at Richie.

“Damn, you guys are really cranky in a morning.” Richie said, dodging the pillow with ease so it hit Stan instead.

“Who the fuck gets up at nine the day after having a party and starts being so damn active?” Mike asked, voice muffled somewhat due to his pillow.

“Apparently Richie.” Eddie groaned.

Richie only chuckled, grabbing one of the plates once Beverly had set them down before loading it with some pancakes and returning to the blanket nest he’d been sharing with Eddie.

He leaned down to give him a kiss, nipping at his lower lip. “Here, I promised you breakfast in bed.”

“Ya forgot to get him a fucking drink to go with it, dumbass.” Jessica said.

“Damn, you really aren’t morning people.”

“Rich, it’s too early for this.” Jessica growled, rolling over and curling up into Lucille’s chest. “I might actually murder you right now if you say the wrong thing.”

Richie shook his head with a laugh, turning his attention to Eddie as he sat up, his hair sticking up at odd angles.

“Damn, if that’s what you look like after a normal night of sleeping, I wonder what you’re like after a night of –”

“Do not fucking finish that sentence, Richie.” Eddie snapped. “I will let Jess murder you.”

Jessica laughed tiredly. “Just say the word, Eddie!”

“Oh my god you’re all so loud.” Ben groaned as Beverly sat beside him, a plate full of pancakes for them share on her lap.

“People generally tend to be loud where Richie is con – wait… you’ve been asleep this whole time?” Stan asked, holding a plate out to Mike.

“Yeah, why?”

“How the – even Bill woke up during all the noise.” Mike said, taking the offered plate with a nod of thanks as he was overcome with a yawn.

“Guys… I think Ben learned to actually tune Richie out when he’s asleep. You have to teach me how to do that.”

“I don’t even know how I do it, Stan, let alone teach you how.”

“You guys are really mean.” Richie grumbled, holding a forkful of pancake out to the still barely awake Eddie.

“Are you new to this group or something Trash –” Eddie automatically opened his mouth, allowing Richie to feed him. Swallowing the piece of pancake, Eddie levelled him with a glare. “That’s a really dirty trick, Rich.”

“I do whatever works for me.” Richie shrugged. “Surprised you actually ate that off my fork with your whole germ thing.”

Eddie blinked up at him tiredly. “I’ve literally swapped saliva with you, you fucking dumbass.”

“Oh yeah…”

[bbparker]

Slip of the Tongue (Peter Parker)

Synopsis: Peters rival in everything he does is actually his girlfriend, but nobody knows that due to Peter not wanting to compromise her safety. But one day, Peter accidentally lets slip to a friend about (y/n)’s home problems, and suddenly (y/n) is the pinpoint of everyone’s gossip. 

AN: So, my first request and It was so cool to write! So much Angst… Also, might do a part two if it's requested enough! :)

Warnings: Ugh none… unless you count a lot of hurting because that happens…

Requested by the amazing @suit-lady taken from this prompt list!

4. How could I? How could you?!

25. Cute But Still fucked up

39. Just Kidding, I don’t care

// Masterlist //

(Y/N) struts down the hall with her best friend in tow. (Y/N) knew she was smart and she was beautiful but she also had her doubts about herself, especially when it came to her and her boyfriend. Speaking of, “hey dork, what did you get on the chemistry test yesterday?”

Peter turns around and semi mad expression on his face, fake of course. They had been actual enemies until last year when (y/n) just decided to kiss him after school when both were stuck at school. Nobody was around but after that, they hit it off and became secretly boyfriend and girlfriend.

(Y/n) believes it’s for her reputation at school but really, Peter doesn’t want any enemies to find out about his little affair.

“U-uhm, 95%” A loud laugh fell from (y/n)s mouth, which had obviously made Peters world comes to a short standstill. Admiring her from a far never quite did it for him but after she kissed him last year, he never could get enough of her.

“Ninety-eight” She dragged out while smirking, her best friend laughing and even some surrounding as she continued down the hall. These encounters always happened and they aren’t as bad as they used to be but they had to keep up appearances.

————–

(Y/n)’s music blasted around her as she read over the homework. Getting up the change the song, silence filled the room before a slight tapping on glass could be heard. She instantly ran over to her window, knowing who it was. Kind brown eyes stared back at (y/n) as she forgot to open the window and instead just stared. Admiring how his natural curls fell over his forehead, how the slight smile lifted as he noticed her staring.

“C-can you open the window (y/n)? It’s k-kinda cold out here.” Stumbling with her hands, she opens the window and lets him in and shuts it once more. Feeling arms around her waist and his face peppering her neck with kisses, she smiles in happiness. Turning in Peters' arms to face him, she begins to lean up and-

“Did you really get 98% on your Chemistry?” (Y/n) laughs and nods. “You helped me study for it after all!” Leaning up she finally gets to rest her lips upon his.

With hands on her waist and hands around his neck, they kissed slowly and sweetly. “Cuddles?” “Cuddles.”

Laying on his chest, (y/n) suddenly mumbled, “Do you ever realise how cute we are together but how fucked up this situation actually is?” Peter let out a laugh, “Yeah, actually. I do.”

Both fell asleep in each other’s arms, the two forgetting their responsibilities for a couple hours. (Y/n) was startled awake by the sound of yelling, of course from her parents who had been on the edge of divorce for four months. Sitting up she sat on the edge of the bed just thinking. (Y/n) then felt arms slide around her waist from behind and a slow smile begins to inch up her cheeks.

“Hey, hey it’s alright. I’m sure they’re fine.” Peter attempts to sooth (y/n). In some notion, it was embarrassing having Peter hear the things escaping her parent's mouth.  Turning around, she considered Peter’s eyes before crashing her lips onto his. This kiss was passionate and fast, (y/n) attempting to put all she feels across to Peter.

Moving away from Peter, she could see the dazed look in his eyes at the simple taste of her. Looking over at the time Peter scrambles around collecting his things. “Shit, May wanted me home by 5!” (Y/n) let out a slight laugh, “Peter it’s ten past five AND you live on the floor below me. You’ll be fine.”

Giving her a quick kiss, which led to many more quick kisses, Peter was out the window and down the fire escape to his room. “That boy is going to kill me one day.”

————–

It seemed that the day had arrived.

Walking into school and have people stare at you was a normal occurrence within (y/n)’s life considering who she sat with. But lunch time rolled around and people began to give her different looks, whispering to each other. (Y/n) nervously glances around and decides to quickly make her way to her usual table.

This time instead of moving over to make space they seem to block a few seats. “What’s going on?” (Y/n) says, standing in front of her friend's table. “We think it's best if you… sit somewhere else…” Her supposed best friend mumbles. “Why?” (Y/n) nearly shouts.

Flash Thomson suddenly leans over, technically ripping the Band-Aid off. “Look nobody wants to hand out with a depressed girl with a screwed-up home life. Now shoo.” Frozen for a minute, (y/n) couldn’t think of why anyone would think she’s depressed or how they would have possibly known about her parents. She’d never mentioned it and her appearances had been kept up, there was no way nobody could know. Unless…

Suddenly her head snaps towards the all too familiar table. Who is the only person in this school who lives close enough to know about her parents? Who’s the one who comforted her when she cried about it? Who had she been turning to for the last year?

Walking quickly over to the table with narrowed eyebrows and eyes, (y/n) see’s Peter with his back to her. Ned sitting opposite him spots me and begins to quickly tell him something but it’s too late. Before Peter even has the chance to turn around, (y/n) dumps all her food on his head.

“You know as much as I thought you hated me, I had no clue you hated me this much.” Peter couldn’t do anything but stare, pasta and meat covering his hair, face, and shoulders. He didn’t move and neither did the rest of the school, waiting to see what she did next. “Oh, I’m sorry did I mess up your pride? Just kidding, I don’t care. Come near me again, Parker, and you’ll get a whole lot more than just some lunch on your clothes.” The bell rang and everyone cleared out.

Peter weakly said “(y/n) …” She ignored him as she grabbed her bag and left the building, not bothering with the rest of her classes.

“Peter, what have you done?” Ned slowly said, looking to his best friend. Peter could only stand there looking down with tears brimming his eyes.

 ————-

Low music played throughout (Y/n)’s room as she heard the continuous window knocks. She saw Peter and got up towards the window. Hope spiked for Peter but quickly shut down as (y/n) closed the blinds.

“(Y/n) Please!” Peter called through the window. (Y/N) ignored his pleads until he had decided to drop a bomb. “You don’t understand…”

She’d never tore open the curtains and window so fast. Gripping his collar, she all but threw him into her room. Closing the window, she turned towards him with fury written on her face. “I don’t understand what Parker?! That you hated me so much you had this big plan to get me to open up to you so you could spill my secrets to the whole school?! Because I thought we had an agreement? Do you think I ran around school telling people that you’re some vigilante who runs around in spandex?! Huh?!” Peter’s eye could only widen and stare as she threw her arms up during her speech.

“I don’t hate you!” He finally blew up. “It was a slip of the tongue! I was just talking to Michelle a-about things and suddenly the topic moved to you a-and it just s-slipped out! Someone could have over-heard it o-or maybe… I don’t know but please-”

“IT JUST SLIPPED OUT?! HOW ABOUT SPIDER-MAN'S IDENTITY JUST SLIPS OUT OF MY GOD DAMN MOUTH?!” (Y/n) screams. She knew in some way she was over reacting but she had just lost her friends, have the whole school talk about her and now she was probably in a lower social standing than Peter.  (Y/n) would now have a tough home life as well as a horrible school life.

“How could you say that?!” Peter finally yelled back. “How could I? How could you?!”

A slight pause in the argument seemed to have simmered the heat. (Y/n)’s eye’s brimmed with tears. “I don’t quite think you understand what you’ve done, Parker.” It hurt Peter to hear his last name come out in such a vengeful tone rather than the sweet ‘Peter’ she used to smile with.

“My home life has already gone to shit, but now I’ve just lost all my friends. I’ve got nobody because you just let it slip out. I hope you're finally happy that we’re over. Now get out.” Peter stood shell shocked only realising the gravity of her as well as his situation.

Six things went through Peters' head as he left the apartment via the fire escape knowing nothing can repair this right now;

Number one. She’d never trust him again.

Number two. She’d probably be worse off than him at school

Number three. He’d never get to kiss or hold her again.

Number four. He’d royally fucked up.

Number five. He didn’t know if she would keep his identity a secret after he let out her biggest secret.

And Finally, Number six. He loved her, but it was too late.

-------

[Part Two.]

[hycrans]

( the cuteST )

a bitch is Tired rn after pulling my usual shit, aka staying up until 5am for no reason only to wake up three hours later to watch bts run, so excuse the seeming lack of enthusiasm lkfdsjglk. hey i’m jules, i’m 20, canadian, and my current means of life rn are chocolate, the x files ( iM LATE IK SFGDJLK ) and 3am you in me listening parties with myself rip !! it’s been almost a month since its release, i need to Relax dammit. i’m a uni student who just got off for christmas break and in love with sowoo so you don’t wanna know the agony that came with picking one over the other without a bit of help. you can hmu on d*scord at HAPPY S*OKJIN DAY#2030 ( don’t.. call me out for not having an updated name since his birthday’s passed, i’m not v bright pls ) if you’d like and this is so boRING, it’s like the life is sucked out of me omg. anyways hyeran, a whole.. other positive muse bc jesus, how many of these do i have rn ?? this is so out of hand man, but nonetheless here’s a bit abt the brat:

- ̗̀ JEON SOMIN, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ̖́- – have you seen YUN HYERAN? people’ve said the TWENTY TWO year old has been running around the streets of jeju lately, which is odd because aren’t they a BARISTA/MUSIC PRODUCER during the day? anyways, i know they’re known to be EBULLIENT and TRANQUIL but recently i’ve heard they’ve been MAGNANIMOUS and DIFFIDENT, but i could be wrong. ( jules / 20 / gmt-3:30 / she/her )

EDIT: i somehow forgot to mention that she’s.. not sure where she is on the lgbt spectrum but she knows she’s Not Straight JFGDSLKJGK but she’s panromantic so yeah sgjkdl. i’m a whole mess today, i’m sorry lol

yun hyeran, a daegu native with an older and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

tbh i don’t have much of her bg figured out, that’s always the last thing i get to so rip

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older brother, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her brother’s still exists, it’s just that he’s a bit of a toxic influence on her and she tends to distance herself from him

went to uni in seoul to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) and found her way into the world of production !! by junior year, she’d transferred out of her original program and majored in that instead and has loved it ever since; she recently graduated

moved to jeju island bc an aunt lived there when she was young and she LOVED to visit, made a few friends there and would always whine abt the next time they could all go see her aunt again. so it made sense for her to live, at least for a little while, in one of her favourite places

she also adores said aunt, her dad’s sister and the maternal figure she Deserves, so she came partially to see her more often

for the time being, she works full-time as a barista at the café just a block from her cute little studio apartment while looking into internships at record labels for her to take on a little further down the line ( no rush bc it’s already quite competitive and she’d rather enjoy what she has going now )

she’s also making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music, something she’s had for abt two years now

she’s not even close to making it big yet, and she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

this is so short iK, it’s a little infuriating if you ask me ljkgdfjls

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s a very loyal person, v e r y. while like i said, her relationship with her brother is Not Great, she hasn’t completely given up on him. maybe for the time being, but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line, leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind if he does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little naive and is a p gentle soul ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal, 

spontaneous tbh, moving to jeju was a little last minute on her part, for one

she’s a little reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? those first few points above mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

v strong overall, takes people’s shit and if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast. doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

positive, ugh. maybe not sickeningly sweet, but still. kinda explained parts of it above and i’m 95% gone mentally rn, gotta spare that for other little details gsjklf

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone and is also clumsy as absolute fuCK

uhhh

plays piano and bass guitar ( you don’t know how tempted i was to say clarinet bc of jiwoo gjflkgds )

prob had some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten ( i’m shit with pet names so that’s tba rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses somin’s been wearing a lot of lately ?? hyeran wears them too but.. actually needs them, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, god help her

her favourite subject in school was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks at the café

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic but.. i’ve gotta get myself together for the day so this’ll do for now i hope ??

so if you’d like to plot, im me here or on d*scord ! i prefer the latter personally, but whichever’s easiest for you. i have a list of a few of the specific wcs i have in mind ( for the time being, catch my lazy ass avoid listing all the basic ones and revising a few i have on an old blog ) for hyeran up now, which you can find here, so just lmk if any of them appeal to you !!

[misscrawfords]

The Force Awakens Rewatch: Part 2

See Part 1.

So I actually have less to say about the second half of the film, perhaps because a lot of it is following on from themes and characters already introduced and discussed in the first half and not much happens that is surprising. Perhaps also because I’ve had two glasses of reeeeeally nice wine and my head is buzzing and I’m listening to Roger and Hammerstein’s Cinderella and they’re telling me that it’s impossible for a country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage. (”But the world is full of zanies and fools who don’t believe in sensible rules”…) 

I’m sorry, where was I? Ah yes, Takodama…

- Hux. Already mentioned him separately, but, like, literally, what is the appeal? He is coded as a Nazi with no redeemable features whatsoever. I mean, by all means like him if you want. Fans can like who they want! But I see nothing to like. I mean, the First Order needs people like Hux, but fan favourite? I don’t get it at all.

- OK, I’m now listening to The Pursuit (”I just know I will find you, you’re the girl of my dreams and the thrill is more than I can bear”) and it’s making me think about Kylo going after Rey. I mean, this bit on Takodama (as others have said before and in much more detail) is another example of Kylo Ren the Dark Side Fail. He goes off on his own, abandons his mission when it would be so easy for him to take the droid and the girl and then drops his guard down to sweep Rey up into his arms. I mean, wtf? Again, we have an example of Kylo being just as young and earnest and naive as Finn and Rey. Also, what is up with what his attitude to her? That famous shot of him standing behind her with his lightsaber pointed over her shoulder? It’s such a weird position to take unless you’re meant to think of phallic symbolism tbh. Not wholly convinced by the Romeo and Juliet theme when he’s carrying her onto the ship - maybe for one bar. But the music when they leave is an epic version of Rey’s theme and that’s nice.

- Sticking with Kylo and Rey for now, the interrogation scene. I mean, so much has been written on this I’m not going to attempt anything detailed. Kylo’s removal of his helmet is shocking and deliberate and honestly, if they didn’t want people to think he was a dark prince and a Byronic antihero they probably should have cast somebody different. This isn’t being superficial, it’s being realistic. And that scene is not some massive scene of horrific abuse. I mean, COME ON. Stop saying everything is abuse! Yes, he tries to get in her mind, a fascinating experience for him and his emotions are so clear on his face. And then she stops him! This moment is all about Rey coming to terms with the Force. She blocks him out and then turns the tables. This is a fantasy. Mind reading is a fantasy thing. If they wanted to show this as a metaphor for rape, they would have presented this very differently. What we are clearly meant to take from this scene is that Rey is Kylo’s equal, that she is able to turn the tables on him, that she is awakening to her Force potential, and that he is not at all the monster he appears and is deeply affected by what he sees in her. Remember, the next time we see Rey, she manages to Force control two guards. Is Rey acting like someone who has just been brutally violated or as someone who has awoken to her own power? I’ll leave the answer to that with you. Anyway, it’s an incredibly compelling scene; I remember barely breathing through it when I first saw it in the cinema.

- The Han/Leia scenes are so beautiful and it’s lovely to even have these brief scenes of a mature couple and a little insight into the complexity of their relationship. And how can anyone think that this trilogy isn’t about the soul of Ben Solo/Kylo Ren? I mean, literally every character exists in relation to him and his decisions. I’m not trying to lessen the importance of Rey and Finn as heroes but Kylo and the possibility that he could be brought back to the light is the glue that holds the entire plot together.

- Starkiller base. Han’s death is so predictable. I mean, not predictable exactly, but it is not a twist - it’s set up very well so there’s not much to say about it. But Kylo is weakened immediately. The physical weakening from the bolt from Chewie and then Finn and eventually Rey are a symbol of his mental and emotional weakness. Making him stronger, my foot!

- The fight in the woods… I mean, everyone goes on about the interrogation scene and I do get that, but this is the sequence that does it for me. I really think the moment when the lightsaber nearly whacks Kylo in the face and Rey catches it is THE most important moment in the film. This is the moment Rey accepts her destiny for the second time. The first is when she uses the Force on the guards. Both times are inextricably linked to Kylo. But anyway, yes, this is Rey accepting the call to adventure properly. The look on her face as she glances between the lightsaber and Kylo as the music swells with the Force theme is just so beautiful and full of wonder and Kylo’s face is absolutely amazing. It’s not a look of “oh crap, she’s got a lightsaber” it’s a look of “oh wow, she has my lightsaber and it’s the best thing that’s happened all day”. Then they both ignite their sabers and you just think that this is where they have met their match and everything in their lives so far has led towards them facing each other like this. I could watch this 30 seconds or so of film over and over again (AND GUESS WHAT, I JUST HAVE). Then the fight starts in earnest and it’s interesting to look at it in contrast to Kylo and Finn’s fight. In both fights, they get right up and close to each other but Kylo and Finn seem to be just struggling together, Kylo and Rey take the opportunity for Kylo to offer to train her - he’s not trying to attack her properly - she’s the one on the offensive. And in fact, he actually starts teaching her here. He is the one mentions the Force and that is the catalyst for her to close her eyes and centre herself in the Force and gain enough control to actually push him back and control the fight. And that leads them to them being locked together, not with lightsabers but actually clutching each others’ arms like an embrace, with their lightsabers stretching one from the other and both facing the same way. It’s a really, really interesting few seconds because you could almost be mistaken for thinking they are working together. Yes, they are opposite each other, but they’re not pushing against each other. They struggle and then their lightsabers align with each other - red to the bottom, blue pointing upwards, and their faces are pointing in the same direction and they’re grabbing the other’s arms. All I’m saying is, this is a really different fight scene, especially compared to the Kylo and Finn fight and filled with a different kind of tension. I mean, there are several seconds where Rey has her eyes closed and everything goes completely calm and he’s just staring at her.

- Just to reiterate, in case you didn’t read that massive paragraph, it’s really interesting how both of the occasions when Rey uses the Force are enabled by Kylo. In other words, he is not responsible for her awakening (or is he?) but he is already teaching her to an extent. He invades her mind which allows her to fend him off, block him and invade his mind in turn. This then somehow gives her the understanding that she can manipulate the guards using the Force. He also reminds her that she can fight with the Force using the lightsaber. Thanks, Kylo! Rey’s use of the Force is intimately linked to Kylo Ren.

- Finn and Poe belong together. FIGHT ME ON THIS. What else is the purpose of the jacket line, Finn’s admiration of “one hell of a pilot” and the beautiful Regency dancing twirling camera work. Seriously. I’m torn because Rose looks like a great character but if she erases the potential of Finn/Poe then that will be such a lost opportunity. There is no way Poe is not gay and I headcanon Finn as bi because he does kind of have a crush on Rey. It’s all so beautiful.

- Rey and Leia’s hug makes me so emotional. Women comforting women! Unspoken understanding! Rey gets a mother figure from a woman who has lost her child! It’s so beautiful and sad.

- Finn and Rey remain an absolutely glorious relationship and I ship them platonically to the ends of the earth. And I really don’t think that is somehow lesser than shipping them romantically. For Finn and Rey to have a friend whom they love is the most amazing and important thing. A real friend > a romantic partner any day. I mean, come on. They’ve had nobody and now they have each other. It makes me so happy.

- I’m coming round increasingly to Rey Kenobi. Considering this is a SW trilogy, it makes sense that we should have a Kenobi in there somewhere and Rey’s use of the Force on those guards is extremely suggestive of Obi-Wan’s abilities. It really seems like a massive hint. It would be a great revelation, would link her in to the Skywalker saga, provide opportunities for even more parallels and contrasts, but also not force a relationship between her and the Skywalkers and Solos that would mean Han, Luke and Leia have conveniently forgot they had a child and never talk about it which is just stupid.

Anyway, that was my TFA re-watch and it was tremendous fun! It’s a great film and reading all the meta I’ve been reading recently has only enhanced it. My impressions are slightly different to when I saw it first in the cinema and overall slightly more positive because I’m seeing clever things in, for instance, the parallels with ANH, rather than being irritated by them. And considering how it sets up for TLJ adds a layer to what is going on and being suggested in this film.

Things that still confuse/annoy me:

- The relationship between Hux and Kylo and Snoke and the First Order and the Knights of Ren. How do they all fit together? I do not know. I am confused.

- Rey’s background???????? Lor San Tekka???????

- How did the First Order even arise and become so powerful in the relatively short period of time following the defeat of the Empire? It’s basically an Empire clone and I’m still a bit annoyed they went down that route for the sequel trilogy rather than do something original and deal with the fallout from the defeat of the Empire in a different way. Like, if the Empire was meant to imply the Nazis, then surely the sequel could do a metaphorical Cold War and that could be really interesting. This is where the parallels with ANH do still annoy me.

[notagreenlantern]

Alright, looking for examples of dialogue I don’t hate in current fic project, to trick myself not to despair over it. So, you get little teases. This one might require some general back ground information tho: It’s an AU set in 1888, no one is a superhero (except for that strange blur that’s been spotted saving people). Guy owns a bar, a cop bar. Kyle is a penniless artist who can’t take care of himself. Barry works at the morgue, and Wally is his assistant. Hal and John (who don’t show up now, because I disovered I hate all the dialogue in Hal’s chapter) are detectives. There are more characters, but they are not important right now.

The bar was almost empty. In a corner a constable had fallen asleep, head pillowed on arms he had crossed in front of him on the table. Guy frowned, and was about to head over there to wake the young man, when the door opened, and before anyone stepped inside Guy knew who it was because he recognized the voice.

“It's not my fault uncle Barry made me stay later at work while he went out drinking with his pal.”

Through the door stepped Wally West, and following him was Kyle Rayner. Guy started smiling a bit, and started pouring beer into glasses, and with one ear listened to the two friends teasing each other as they sat down at one of the tables.

“Do you think you could pay?” Kyle asked Wally. “I'm kind of lacking in money at the moment. I'll pay you back.”

“I'm not making you pay me back for one beer,” Wally protested, at the same time as Guy started walking over to their table. “Besides you owe me so much more, and I'm fine with you not paying that back.” Guy saw Wally eyeing Kyle, with a contemplative look. “When's the last time you ate?”

“Uh... Yesterday?”

Wally sighed.

“And did you not eat because you haven't got any money, or because you forgot to eat because you were busy painting? Keep in mind, I am not buying you food if the reason you don't eat is because you foget to do so,” Wally said, his usual habit of saying a lot of words very fast. “You are hopeless.”

“And you don't have to act like my mother. I have a mother,” Kyle said, a little bit petulant, and Guy couldn't help smiling again.

“Yes, I know. And no, I'm not mothering you, because what you need is a minder,” Wally muttered and then looked up at Guy, when he set the beers down on the table.

“You got anything my friend here can eat? He's incapable of taking care of himself.”

“Wally,” Kyle hissed.

“I'll see if I can find something,” Guy said. He turned to Kyle.

“Evening Kyle.”

“Hi Guy,” Kyle said, and smiled. Guy tried to ignore the stange feeling in his chest as he walked to the back room to see if he had something edible left.

“Thanks, but shouldn't you kick me, out. You are closing after all?”

“As long as you don't make a mess you can stay while I clean up,” Guy said. He glanced back at Kyle. “Unless you got somewhere else to be this late?”

Kyle licked his lips, his eyes on Guy.

“No, got nowhere else I'd rather be.” Kyle shrugged, before taking a drink from the bottle, head tipped back, Guy saw the movement of Kyle's adam's apple as he swallowed. There was a strange feeling inside Guy, and he ignored it. Tearing his eyes away swiftly, and putting the glass back on it's shelf, perhaps a tad bit harder than he should. He picked up another rag, and walked out from behind the counter, not watching Kyle, as he walked over to the closest table and started wiping it down.

He worked in silence for a bit, finishing two more tables, before Kyle started talking.

“So, you hear about that strange phenomenon?” Kyle asked.

“What are you talking about?” Guy asked. He had overheard few bits and pieces from Jordan's table earlier in the evening, and it seemed to be a case that baffled both Jordan and Allen - he'd caught the description of the victim's state, and Guy couldn't say he thought it made much sense – but it wasn't a case known to the public, and Guy never talked about the information he overheard in the bar, it was why they kept coming. It was possible that Wally, who had a tendency to gossip had told Kyle, but in the hour they had been in the bar their conversations had either been their usual friendly teasing, or about subjects which made them laugh. Not that Guy had paid any particular attention to them.

“Supposedly three muggings in the past few weeks have been stopped by some invisible force.”

Guy stopped inbetween two tables and turned towards Kyle.

“Invisible force?” Guy asked. Kyle nodded.

“Some sort of blur, I think.”

“I haven't read anything about it?” Guy said.

“Don't think the press has gotten hold of it yet, and the police are keeping quiet about it of course. Don't want to alarm the public by implying that something supernatural is out there, making the police superflous.”

“You think it's something supernatural?” Guy asked. He was still surprised he hadn't heard anything about this until now. Even if it wasn't in the papers, how come no one had mentioned it in the bar?

Kyle shrugged. Guy continued to wipe down the tables.

“Don't know, what do you think” Kyle asked. Guy frowned.

“A hallucination? Some explanation that makes sense?” Guy said. “I don't exactly believe in ghosts, or vampires.”

Kyle smiled, and then took another drink. Guy focused on the wood underneath his hand.

“Yeah, I'm hard pressed to believe any of it as well. Definitely sounds like someone's been reading too much and have a little too much imagination.”

Guy moved on to the last table, and Kyle continued.

“But you gotta admit, three separate witnesses claiming a superfast blur saved them? That doesn't quite sound like a coincidence or a hallucination.”

“You got a point,” Guy said, tossing the rag in a bucket standing in a corner, and grabbed the broom leaning against the wall next to the bucket. “How did you hear about it?” Guy asked and started sweeping.

“I was out, painting in the park,” Kyle said. “A couple of women walked past, talking about it.”

“Apparently one of the would-be mugging victims was a cousin to one of the ladies.”

“So not exactly first hand information?” Guy asked.

“Supose not,” Kyle said. “You need a hand?” Kyle asked. “I'm done with this.”

“I'm almost done, you can leave if you want.” He stopped and smiled at Kyle. “Ghost stories don't scare me.”

“Oh, no, what does scare the big brave barman?” Kyle asked, smiling a wide smile, and Guy's insides felt like they were rearranging themselves, his breath caught in his throat as he could do nothing but stare at Kyle.

You – Guy thought, and almost said if he had had any air flowing – You. Me. These strange new feelings.

Kyle started frowning, and Guy realized he'd been quiet for too long. He mustered up a cocky smile.

“Nothing,” Guy said, surprised by how steady his voice was. “I aint afraid of nothin'.”

Kyle laughed. Guy looked away, hands tightening on the broom handle, knuckles whitening.

Placing the broom in the corner, he glanced over at Kyle again and caught him looking at him. Guy stood frozen, just staring at Kyle's eyes, for what felt like an eternity but was merely seconds. He had to visibly shake himself to be able to look away.

“I should go,” Kyle said.

“Hang on,” Guy said, before he could stop himself. Kyle looked at him, a confused frown between his eyes.

Guy walked to the back of the counter and rummaged around in the box underneath, filled with forgotten hats, canes and the occasional scarf. He pulled out a black stetson and pushed it down on Kyle's head.

“There ya go, I've noticed you don't have a hat.”

Kyle looked up at him from beneath the brim of the hat.

“I can't just take someone's hat.”

“He ain't gonna come looking for it,” Guy said. “He was hanged two months ago. Not the brightest thing walking into a bar filled with poliecement when you're wanted in three states.” He gave Kyle a crooked smile. “That hat deserves to sit on the head of someone brighter.”

“I'm not that bright,” Kyle said, self deprecating smile.

“Of course you're bright,” Guy said, before he could stop himself, with far too much sincerity in his voice.

Kyle looked slightly surprised, a hint of a flush creeping up his neck, and Guy wanted to look away, but couldn't.

Kyle cleared his throat, chair scraping against the floor as he got to his feet.

“Thanks for the hat, and the beer.”

“Don't mention it,” Guy said. Kyle smiled, and then tipped his new hat with two fingers.

“Good night then.”

“Good night,” Guy replied.

When the door closed behind Kyle's back, Guy leaned his elbows on the bar and buried his face in his hands, with a groan. What was happening to him?

Kyle showed the cheque in Wally's face.

“Look at this,” he said.

“That is a lot of money,” Wally said, eyes widening, and voice dropping low in surprise. “Wait is that Bruce Wayne's signature?”

Kyle nodded.

“What happened? How?” Wally said, looking in confusion between the cheque and Kyle.

“I'm not sure what happened,” Kyle said. “I'll explain, but can we please do it somewhere else? This place makes me uncomfortable.”

“What's wrong with it?” Wally asked, and sounded genuinely perplexed.

“Dead bodies, Wally, dead bodies.”

“So what? There aren't even any in your line of sight.”

He was right about that, they were in the hallway before the cavernous lab, and the hallway was thankfully empty of dead bodies, jusst the shelves standing in the middle of the corridor, one wall having large picture windows, and the shelves themselves were filled with bottles of different liquids.

“They are still here though,” Kyle said and could't quite supress the shiver of discomfort when he thought about the first time he had visited Wally at work, and they had walked into the lab, where a dead body had been lying on the table in the middle of the room.

[drink-n-watch]

  Genre : Isekai, action, adventure, comedy, fantasy, fanservice

Episodes: 12

Studio: Ajia-Do

  Do we still make fun of gamers? Video games is one of the most profitable industries in the world and I do believe the biggest grossing entertainment industry at the moment. Everyone plays video games. People can make a good living playing video games and even gain a degree of fame. Yet we still pretend that gamers are an ostracized minority or somehow not cool. So silly. Besides, I think anime has clearly established that the best and most dedicate mmorpg gamers, like Takuma Sakamoto for instance, are most definitely going to get transported into a real life version of the game were they can be like gods or… Demon Lords. Must be though having incredible power and being constantly surrounded by super attractive fantasy ladies. Then again, with great power…

I watched this because of Karandi. She doesn’t know it but I did. When How Not To Summon a Demon Lord was airing, I gave it a skip, just because I was already watching Log Horizon at the time and it seemed redundant, but I did follow along with her episode reviews. And she really praised this show, so after a few weeks, I stopped reading the reviews and added the show to my watch list.

ah…well…uhm…that’s o.k. then I guess

I wasn’t too familiar with studio Ajia-Do and in fact I think this is the only show I’ve seen from the studio. It’s effective. Ok, so How Not To Summon a Demon Lord is a very fanservice heavy show. I’m not sure how it qualifies on the scale, ecchi light maybe? In any case, the character designs are a selling point here and clearly the production knew that because they are really nice. Admittedly, aside form main character Diablo, the men’s designs are more lacklustre but he makes up for it and all the ladies are stunning. Those designs are by far the high point of the production.

The backgrounds and colours are good, the sound design and voice acting is also good although there is a lot of moaning that occasionally sounds very silly and fake but I think it was part of the joke. I found it funny in any case.Finally the animation is decent but I did notice some pretty obvious drops in art quality once there was a bit too much going on in a scene.

You know what, I’m going to actually try do put together a review that will give you an idea of whether you want to watch the show or not. I would describe How Not To Summon a Demon Lord as a mix of KonoSuba and Log Horizon with a dash of That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. Did I just name all the isekai I know? Maybe….

that’s for me to know and you…when did I take this screengrab????

Wait hear me out, How Not To Summon a Demon Lord stats off as a well meaning raunchy comedy in a high fantasy setting just like KonoSuba. Although it does get a lot more explicit on the raunchy side. However, it actually develops into an overarching storyline with a connected plot and hero’s journey that would fit quite well as a season of Log Horizon. The jokes do make way for the story and it’s honestly compelling, if a bit cliché. As for the dash of Slime. Well Diablo is not unlike Rimuru. He’s a bit more immature but generally he has the same well meaning attitude and wish to help all those around, despite his looks he generally tries to solve conflicts through diplomacy or at least intricate planning and he’s a bit overpowered compared to everyone else which transforms the very nature of conflict in the story.

Honestly, all the plot, character and isekai elements were there to make for one of my very favourite shows. But sadly, the fanservice sort of wore me down at the end. It was pretty good up until the half way point, even the 3/4 mark I would say. What didn’t work for me, personally, was that it was sort of old school fanservice. 90% of it was boobs. Shera’s huge bouncy breasts which often end up expose or “accidentally” groped several times per episode. It just lacked variety is what I’m saying. And if you happen to prefer butts…too bad! It’s all about the chesticles here! The second issue was that for me, sexualizing children or child like characters is pretty uncomfortable and there was quite a bit of that in the latter episodes which made it less fun.

I still enjoyed the series as a whole. There were just a few things that didn’t work for me.

other things worked just fine!

And here are some warnings if you are thinking of watching it but are sensitive to certain elements. There are explicit sexual acts and a lot of wink wink nudge nudge, this isn’t sex I’m just pouring my hot magic into this naked girl as she moans moments, but I do believe private parts stay covered, although barely. At least half of those explicit or heavily implied sexual acts are dome without consent. The slavery trope is exploited throughout the entire season with quite a few mentions of “good” slave masters. As I mentioned, there is underage characters put in naughty situations and also in violent ones. At a couple of occasions the action was brutal enough to give me serious pause and I’m rather desensitized to violence. Still I didn’t expect it here and it was pretty shocking when it came. Also, if you don’t live alone, you may want to listen to this one with headphones, unless you don’t mind everyone assuming you’re watching porn. In which case, rock on!

If any of these things bother you enough to make you enjoy a series less, then How Not To Summon a Demon Lord will probably not be your thing. Not only are all these elements present, they are pretty much ubiquitous. However, if you enjoy them or are indifferent, I think there’s a good time to be had with How Not To Summon a Demon Lord’s classic fantasy adventure and well meaning hijinks. The series struck me as at times clumsy with it’s handling but never disrespectful or mean as can occasionally happen.

we need a Sylvie spinoff

Favorite character: Sylvie (I mean, c’mon!)

What this anime taught me: Magic reflection rings are super useful

“Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you’ll need, it’s better to be safe than sober”

Suggested drink: Demon Possession

Every time Shera and Rem bicker – take a sip

Every time the camera focuses on Shera’s chest – I don’t know, breath in or something

Every time Diablo blushes – gahhh

Every time the enslavement gets reexplained – take a sip

Every time anyone uses a called moved– call it out too

Every time Shera and Rem get along – raise your glass

Every time anyone is naked – fan yourself

Every time we hear Diablo’s inner monologue – listen

Every time there’s an art fail – take a sip

Every time we see Emile – cheer

Every time we see the flow of magic – get water

Every time Diablo gets called kind – take a sip

Every time Diablo notes a difference from Cross Reverie – take a sip

Did you know that game apparently exists? It’s the right genre and all but it doesn’t seem obviously related either….

sheesh – I almost forgot to add a Rem pic

I avoided the naughtier screencaps I’m afraid. I’m sure you can find them somewhere…

    How Not To Summon a Demon Lord Almost Had Me Genre : Isekai, action, adventure, comedy, fantasy, fanservice Episodes: 12 Studio: Ajia-Do Do we still make fun of gamers?

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: Type 1 Kids and Birthday Parties, How Glucagon Works

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-type-1-kids-and-birthday-parties-how-glucagon-works/

Ask D'Mine: Type 1 Kids and Birthday Parties, How Glucagon Works

Ever wish there was someone to ask all those pressing, confounding, and disconcerting questions about life with diabetes? Someone who really "gets it"? Well, now there is!

If you haven't discovered our diabetes advice column Ask D'Mine yet, now is your chance to jump in! This Saturday series is hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Laura from Arizona, type 3, sends us this reach-for-the-Kleenex tale: I have a question about what is the best site for foods for an 8-year-old girl who was just diagnosed last week. I am sorry, I am just so angry! I grew up caring and watching over my father who has had type 1 for 52 years (he is amazing), but when this happened to my little sweetheart niece I about died. She was doing wonderful in this past week, started giving her own injections, guessing her numbers while she checked her blood—just amazing to see.

But she just went to her first birthday party over the weekend and could not eat chips, dips, cake or drink the punch and sodas like all the other kiddos were doing. This is when it all hit her. She has changed, she has to think about what she eats, she has to plan ahead... Her 9th birthday is right around the corner and she told her mom that she does not want to have a party. I need to find a place where we can see the nutrition info; and isn't there some way to make a yummy birthday cake for her?!? I want her to have an amazing birthday, one that she deserves to have. I will be forever grateful for any information you can give me.

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Your niece sounds like a trooper-and-a-half! She's a week out of dx and doing her own injections, checking her blood, and thinking about her food. Waaaaaaaaaaaay to go, kiddo! As is often the case, the little persons with diabetes handle this mess better than their families do. (Worst job in the world alert: parent of child with diabetes, especially if you do not already have diabetes yourself.)

So when it comes to our littlest brothers and sisters I don't think anyone will flame me for saying that your first stop should be the Children with Diabetes community. Their food and nutrition section should give you everything you need and more.

As you'll get all the specifics there, I'm going to give you some more global thoughts here. Bear in mind that half the endos out there will be sending me letter bombs after reading this, and that 49% of the mothers of type 1 kiddos will be buying Wil voodoo dolls on eBay... But...

I think your niece should go to parties. And when she's there I think she should eat chips, dips, and cake. I do draw the line at the punch and soda, however. Our kind simply cannot handle liquid sugars. Ever. Well, not recreationally, anyway. As a treatment for low blood sugar it's another thing altogether. Now, back to the chips, dips, and cake. She'll probably need to limit her portions some. She'll need to pack extra insulin, of course. She should have a low-carb breakfast before heading to the party, of course.

In other words, yes, your family needs to take sensible safety precautions, but those medical needs must be balanced with the social needs of the child. Will the party make a train wreck of her blood sugar? Yeah, probably. But how often do these kinds of parties happen? A couple times a year? And how often is a type 1 kiddo's blood sugar a train wreck even when the family does every frickin' thing right? Yeah. About once per week.

I think you just need to take parties in stride. As for her own party, I'm partial to Splenda for making lower-carb yummy birthday cakes. Now remember that at least half the blood sugar impact of the cake is gonna be in the flour. Not much you can do about that, but if you have a cake recipe you like, you can substitute the sugar for Splenda, and drop the blood sugar impact of a slice quite a bit. Splenda has a freaky-looking fake snow consistency in the measuring cup and weighs next to nothing, but it'll work fine and, unlike some other faux sugars, can be used in baking. The cake will have the same flavor and consistency you're used to, it just won't brown quite right. But you're going to cover it with icing anyway, so no one will know. And, of course, you can use Splenda in the icing, too.

So, Laura, no anger. No grief. Your niece is, and will continue to be, the sweetheart she always was. Now, go put on your damn apron, break out the Splenda, and make your niece the yummiest diabetes-friendly cake of all time.

And for the rest of you, today's stock quote for Kimberly-Clark, makers of Kleenex, can be found here.

Ariel from New Mexico, type 3, asks: How long does glucagon take to work? I had read somewhere that it takes 20 minutes! I think if, God forbid, I have to give my four-year-old daughter a shot and she stayed unconscious for 20 minutes I'd die of a heart attack myself!

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Wow. What a great question. Glucagon, for those of you who don't know or forgot, is a drug used to intervene in near-death experiences caused by severely low blood sugar. You know, I've carried glucagon with me for years, trained dozens of people (including my own son Rio, right after his 5th birthday) to use it, but never once gave the action time a single thought.

It's instant, right? Well, no. Apparently not.

But before we get into the issue of response time, let's do a quick review. Glucagon is a hormone that causes the liver to release its inventory of sugar. It's the break-glass-in-case-of-emergency drug of last resort for severe hypoglycemia. It's an unstable compound so it must be mixed right before use. Glucagon kits are made by both Eli Lilly under the name of Glucagon Emergency Kit and Novo Nordisk under the name GlucaGen Hypo Kit. As far as I can tell, the only real difference is that Lilly's comes in a red box and the Novo kit comes in an orange box. Both have a prefilled syringe of saline and a vial of glucagon powder. To get it ready to use you must remove the syringe and vial from the case, un-cap the needle, un-cap the vial, inject the saline into the vial, mix it around, then draw it back into the syringe. What could be easier or faster?

Oh wait. Did I forget to mention that this procedure needs to be done by a presumably freaked-out type 3 whose loved one is out cold on the floor from low blood sugar? Right. Glucagon is used when it's too late for glucose tabs, gels, or Skittles. Glucagon is used when lows are so bad the PWD is unresponsive. The procedure above takes less than a minute, but I'd wager it would be one of the longest minutes of a type 3's life.

In fact, I know of one tragic story from the northern part of our state. A panicked mother injected just the saline into her unconscious son. She forgot to do the whole inject, mix, draw thing.

He died.

After I heard about that, I started all my glucagon carrying families on regular fire drills, having them practice with expired kits (minus final injection, of course). The PWDs generally have a great time simulating a low-blood sugar collapse. Oh, speaking of expired, these kits don't last forever and I'd bet that more than half of you are carrying expired ones. Make sure your damn glucagon kit hasn't expired. Go check.

Right now.

I'll wait here for you.

OK, so how long does it take to bring you back from the almost-dead? "One minute" is quoted a lot on the web, but it's false. And I think I know the source of the confusion. The physician prescribing sheet for Lilly's kit also lists another use for glucagon—and you'll love this—as a muscle relaxant for colon exams.

Yes. You always suspected that diabetes would f - - What? Oh. Well, my PG-13 rating won't allow me to clearly spell out what I'm thinking, but I'm sure you can figure out what I'd say next if I could.

Anyway, when injected intravenously, the onset of glucagon as a muscle relaxant is one minute. But nowhere in the scientific literature could I find anything close to a one minute action time for revival from a bad hypo. I think someone, somewhere along the line, saw the colon exam chart, didn't read carefully, and put the one minute time on the web. Since then it's just been repeated again and again. Copy, paste. Copy, paste. Copy, paste.

This is why you should never believe anything you read on the web.

Oh. Except here at DiabetesMine, of course.

In point of fact, the two pharma companies that make glucagon are vague about the action time for hypo revival. The sheet for docs from Lilly says, "An unconscious patient will usually awaken within 15 minutes following the glucagon injection."

Ah.

Usually awaken.

Within 15 minutes.

How comforting.

Novo's glucagon page states their product works "within about 10 minutes."

Ah.

Within about.

Very precise.

So is the Novo product five minutes faster, or is this just marketing BS? I'd still put my money on the only difference between the two being the color of the case.

More fun glucagon tips: Glucagon makes most people puke. So after you stab your loved one, roll them on their side (for complex anatomical reasons, the left side is preferred), so that they don't choke when they throw up. Oh. Unless your diabetic loved one has collapsed on an expensive oriental rug in which case the procedure is stab, drag, roll.

Then call 911. Severe lows, like earthquakes, can have aftershocks. If you just emptied your liver of sugar, you have no more reserves. A second bad low could be a one-way trip to the great beyond, so glucagon use requires a visit to the ER until things stabilize.

Oh, and according to the info sheet in the kits, if your PWD is still out cold after 15 minutes, you can give a second shot. For kids, a kit holds enough for two shots. For adults, you are out of luck unless someone has a second kit handy.

Some people worry about what if? What if the PWD is lights-out because their blood sugar is too high rather than too low? The official advice is to give the shot anyway. Highs take quite a bit of time to kill you. Hours. Severe lows can kill your pretty damn quick. Minutes count.

Where to inject? Several training manuals for school-based personnel are advocating injecting into fat, just like insulin, but the microfilm-sized instructions from both pharma companies advocate straight into muscle of the arm, butt, or thigh. Would that hurt? Hell yeah.

But don't worry, type 3s. If you've broken out the glucagon we're unconscious anyway.

We'll forgive you an achy butt for saving our asses.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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