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osarina · 3 months

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ᡣ𐭩 WICKED LOVE WILL LEAVE ME BLIND

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: dangerous games are played between you and dazai during one of the most important events of the year for the japanese underworld. you're never this risky, not when your reputation is on the line, but fuck being near him just seems draw out all of the worst in you.

(wordcount: 4.5k; ņsfw; fem!reader; port mafia member!reader, jealous!dazai, possessive!dazai, public sex, spitting, unprotected sex, gagging dazai w/your panties, switch!dazai, switch!reader. lmk if anything is missing!)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: WOOWWWWWWW u all can thank tumblr user mioblobby for this one, she sent in an ask 3 days ago and this consumed me so badly that i dropped all of my wips to write this. anyway, enjoy dazai & pmreader being absolute FREAKS in public

His gaze hasn’t left you once all night. You can feel it dark and heavy from where he’s leaning against a wall on the opposite side of the room, black coat hanging around his shoulders and a cold, unapproachable expression on his face, looking every bit the wraith people claim him to be.

Chuuya is off somewhere to your side, smooth talking two of Mishima’s daughters, surely planning to end the night in one of their beds to get those loose lips moving about the meeting that their father had with Cao Xueqin of the Red Chamber two weeks ago, something he’s been unnervingly tight lipped about when Mori pried.

You’re entertaining two of the younger members of Mishima’s upper echelon, Abe Kimifusa and Ibuse Masuji—they can’t be much older than you, early twenties max, and they’re delighted by the attention you’re giving them. Ibuse is half hanging off your shoulders, arm wrapped around you, too many drinks in as he leans in close and laughs at some comment Abe makes about one of their fellow executives. You smile idly as you listen, resting against him as you take in their words, trying to pretend to be engaged with the conversation to not give away how you’re hyper-focused on a certain black-haired executive in the distance.

Usually, he would join you and Chuuya in your attempts to gather some easy intel on the Sun and Steel—that’s what he’s done the past year and a half, at least, targeting some of the older members of Mishima’s upper echelon who would sell half of their organs and their soul for a night with the untouchable Demon Prodigy. The thought leaves a bitter taste in your mouth now, knowing what he told you, but you still can’t help but be a little surprised that he’s not even trying to put up a facade of charm and wit, rather spending his time skulking in the shadows watching you, especially when his usual targets are so blatantly staring at him, waiting for him to make a move.

You think it’s hypocritical the way you’re so pleased over the fact that he’s not entertaining anyone tonight, because the thought of him letting any of those men drape themselves all over him like Ibuse currently is with you leaves a very sour taste in your mouth.

You also think that’s why you’re letting Ibuse take it as far as he has—to see Dazai get wound up about it. You don’t typically let people get touchy with you unless you plan on taking them to bed, and you have absolutely no intention of fucking Ibuse Masuji. He’s pretty enough with dark hair and a nice smile, but too stupid for your taste—maybe that’s a good thing though, if he’s already so loose-lipped now with only a few drinks in him, you can’t imagine how much he’d let slip in a post-orgasm induced haze.

You start to reconsider your decision on Ibuse, looking up at him contemplatively as he makes a snide comment about Kamatsu Sakyo—an older executive of the Sun and Steel, one of the ones you know have spent a night, or more, with Dazai, so your smile is a bit more genuine when you hear the way Ibuse drags him for being incompetent and useless.

“The older generation has to go,” Ibuse hisses, shaking his head as his arm tightens around you, leaning back against the wall. “They’re running us into the fucking ground. That fucker Kamatsu wants us to take that deal from the Red Chamber-”

“Masuji,” Abe warns, giving you a careful look, not as drunk as his companion. You raise your eyebrows at the comment from Ibuse, looking at him questioningly.

Ibuse waves off Abe haphazardly. “The Port Mafia did it right,” he says bluntly, taking another sip of his drink. “Wiped out the whole old regime after the previous boss died. That’s what the Boss should’ve done when he took over from his father. All of these old fucks need to drop dead.”

“The meeting with Xueqin went that poorly?” you ask casually, sure to keep the interest out of your tone as you look up at Ibuse.

“Don’t even get me started,” Ibuse scoffs. “That fucker wants-”

You’re careful to keep the irritation off your face when you hear the telltale sound of Mishima preparing to give his annual ‘thank you, fruitful alliances ahead!’ speech that always bores you to tears. Next to you, Ibuse sighs and pulls his arm off of you, pushing off the wall.

“We’ve gotta go up there with him. I’ll find you later?” he asks you, eyes a bit too hopeful, voice eager as he waits for your response.

“Definitely,” you say—the things you do for information.

With most of the attendees of the ball distracted by Mishima’s speech, you slip away to make your way over to the far corner where Dazai is waiting. Still, he tracks you—from the moment you make your subtle escape from the crowd until you’re standing right in front of him in the shadows where he’s lingering, his gaze remains trained on you, intense in a way that lets you know that he’s unhappy, if the way his jaw is tight didn’t.

“You’ve been having fun tonight,” he drawls, voice low as he looks down at you, arms folded across his chest.

“Is that what it seemed like?” you say lightly, taking a step closer, casting one last glance behind you to ensure that all eyes are pinned on Mishima before hooking your fingers into his belt loops to tug him closer to you. “At least I’m doing my job properly then.”

“It’s your job to let Mishima’s whore of an executive drape himself all over you?” Dazai tilts his head to the side, one hand sliding behind you to close the small distance between the two of you, leaving your chest pressed to his.

No, you let that drag on just because you could tell how irate Dazai was becoming over it, but Dazai doesn’t have to know that. So instead, you play coy.

“I have appearances to keep up,” you say, tilting your head up with a simpering smile, enjoying the way his gaze immediately darts down to your lips, lingering there before he has to forcibly drag it back up to your eyes. “You know that.”

“Yeah?” Dazai hums, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. His gaze drifts above you. “Maybe I should be making more of an effort with appearances then, Kamatsu has had his eye on me all night.”

Your eye doesn’t twitch at his words, but your grip on his belt loops tightens. “You don’t want to play that game with me, Dazai,” you warn, keeping your voice deceptively mild.

“And why is that?” Dazai drawls, looking too smug for your liking as he looks down at you as if realizing how much his threat bothered you.

“Because I’ll win,” you say easily, fingers slipping from his belt loops to slide your hands up and down his sides before settling them on his slim hips, relishing in the way his lashes flutter at your touch. “You know that. It’s unlike you to pick losing battles.”

“I won’t lose,” Dazai says with a scoff, and you walk him backward until the back of his knees hit a chair, guiding him back to sit down in it as Mishima finally starts a long-winded speech that’s going to last at least twenty or thirty minutes.

You give Dazai another teasing smile as you stand in front of where he’s sitting, lifting your hand to his chin, tilting his face up toward you. You lean down, lips brushing his as you murmur, “You already have.”

“Have I?” Dazai asks, amused. He unconsciously leans forward to capture his lips with yours but you shift just out of reach before he can, raising your eyebrows pointedly at the annoyed look he gives you.

You make quick work of undoing his tie, slipping it from his neck before wrapping it loosely around your wrist, hyper aware of the way his gaze is trained sharply on your face, studying your every move. You bring your other hand back up to his face, cupping his cheek gently, and your breath catches as he leans into your touch, eye lidded as he looks up atwith you. He tilts his head to the side to press his lips against your palm, keeping eye contact as he lifts his hand to cover yours, shifting it so he can graze his lips against the pulse point on your wrist.

“You have,” you agree, grateful that your voice isn’t as breathless as you feel from the combined intensity of his gaze and his lips on your skin.

“How so?” Dazai looks entirely too smug, probably can feel the way your pulse is racing under his touch, and you itch to wipe the smugness right off of his face.

“I’m meeting Ibuse after this speech,” you tell him, now entirely too smug yourself as Dazai expression drops and goes icy, fingers stiffening from where his hand is still pressed over yours. “Need to get him to spill about the meeting with the Red Chamber, he already started getting into it before. If I get him alone, we’ll know everything we need.”

“Go ahead,” Dazai sounds deceptively calm, you’d almost believe he didn’t care if the look in his eye didn’t betray him, cold and promising bloodshed. “I’ll kill him.”

“You’ll start a war,” you say absently, the tips of your fingers brushing through his dark hair.

“I don’t care,” Dazai replies, and you know that he’s serious—it should worry you, he could throw all of your work with the Sun and Steel out the window in a split second, but instead you only find yourself giddy, tongue pressing behind your teeth and a smile curving at your lips as you look down at him.

“Careful, Dazai,” you breathe out, “almost sounds like you care.”

He does care, you know that and he knows that, but he refuses to admit it out loud. Refuses to put a label on anything between the two of you. You think it’s his way of maintaining some semblance of control over things; he thinks that if he actually admits what’s going on between the two of you, it’ll be a loss of control over himself that he can’t afford.

As if threatening to start a gang war with the Mafia’s most important ally because you’re planning to sleep with someone for vital information isn’t a loss of control in itself.

You also think it might have to do with the broken gasps he’d let out over the phone during the assassination plot on you a few weeks ago, when he thought that he’d miscalculated and they called his bluff, that they were going to get to you and no one was going to be able to get there in time to protect you.

“Everything I never want to lose is always lost the moment I obtain it.”

You wonder, maybe, if he thinks that not making things official with you is his way of protecting both you and himself.

But it’s fucking frustrating. It’s frustrating dealing with his hot and cold—days where he’s so clearly enamored with you, spending hours laid up with you admiring you while you do work, looking at you with eyes that should only be reserved for long time lovers, and then there are days where he can hardly bring himself to look at you, avoiding you at every given chance, cold and aloof. It’s frustrating, and it’s exhausting, you just want to be with him.

His eye darkens, jaw clicking at your words, but he doesn’t respond other than that.

You’re not sure what exactly compels you to take another step forward, you watch as his gaze tracks down to the low cut of your dress, as he shifts in his seat, legs spread, clearly withholding the urge to adjust himself in his pants. A dangerous thought crosses your mind, one that you know you should toss away because of where you are, how many people are just on the other side of the room, but you find your body moving before you can stop yourself.

You watch him inhale, gaze tracking down to where your hand has slipped into the high slit of your dress, casting one last look over your shoulder to make sure the two of you are at an angle that no one would be able to easily see you before pulling down your thin black panties—the ones you know he loves and wore just to see the way the pupil of his visible eye becomes blown wide at the sight of them, breath hitching.

You shift closer to him, balling them into your fist, one hand sliding behind the back of his head, fingers entwined with his dark hair as you tilt his head back, eyes tracing the exhilaration on his face as he looks up at you, realizing what you’re going to do, where you’re going to do it.

“You’re crazy,” he breathes out. The words are reverent, he speaks them in the same way you imagine he would tell you he loves you, it makes your breath catch. “Here? What're you gonna do if one of them looks over and sees you stuffed with my cock, hm? How're you gonna explain why you're full of cum when you go meet that clown?”

“You talk too much,” you note, stepping forward. “Open up.”

Dazai’s lips part instinctively, but before you stuff his mouth with your panties, you lean over him, fingers hooking around his bottom lip as you force his mouth a little wider, watching as his breath hitches and his lashes flutter when you spit right into his open mouth, swallowing it immediately.

Your lips curl up as you lift the hand holding your panties, taking in an unsteady breath as he lets you push your panties between his lips; he lets out a muffled groan around them, eyes sliding shut as if savoring the taste of them. You shift your dress around slightly so you can comfortably straddle his thighs. His hands immediately fly to your waist, but you click your tongue lightly, pushing them off and sliding his tie around his wrists once you’ve got them behind his back.

He tilts his head to the side, giving you a heavy, judgmental look. He doesn’t even have to speak to know what he’s thinking: “You really think this is going to stop me?”

You give him a sweet smile, leaning in to graze your lips against his jaw, feeling the shaky breath he lets out around your panties. “If you free yourself from them,” you murmur, lips brushing his ear as you speak, “I’ll stop.”

You don’t wait for his reaction, directing your attention down toward his slacks, loosening his belt and unbuttoning his pants. You ease his cock out of his briefs, weight heavy in your hand, tip flushed pink and leaky. You give it an experimental pump, using his own precum as lube, and watch as he tilts his head back, giving a full body shudder.

“You’re so easy to rile up,” you sigh softly, shifting forward so that his cock slides between your slick folds, you press your lips to the underside of his jaw to smother the moan you almost let out when his tip catches on your clit. “I love it.”

You know he’s trying to shoot you a withering look, but the effects of it are severely diminished with how his face is flushed pink and his eyes are unfocused. You give him another saccharine smile, and that’s the only warning he gets before you’re sinking down on his cock.

You can feel every inch of him stretching you open, filling you up until the tip of his cock is nudging right up against your cervix. It takes all of your self control to bite back the loud gasp that nearly rips from your lips, not wanting to have to bury your face in the crook of his neck just yet, watching as he lets out a choked noise that’s loud even with your panties stuffed in his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

“Careful,” you warn, leaning in to drag your lips up his neck to the corner of his lips. You lift one of your hands to hold the back of his head again, gripping his hair as you force him to look at you again, fingers tugging hard at his hair. His gaze is unfocused, lips parting as he heaves around your panties, throat spasming—he looks fucking divine, and for a moment, you regret doing this here because you might have to kill someone if they see him when he’s looking like this. “You don’t want them to see you like this, yeah?”

You can hear the whine that builds in the back of his throat, trying to rock his hips up into yours. The sloppy sound of his cock driving into your cunt is too loud—Mishima is still speaking loudly, drowning out any noise that could possibly be coming from your secluded corner, but it’s so risky, you almost don’t know what’s gotten into you. If anyone happens to wander over this way…

“God, what do you do to me?” you gasp, leaning in so you can graze your teeth against his neck, threatening to bite down.

You’re never this reckless—not when it’s your reputation on the line, you’ve spent years honing it into the weapon it’s become, and here you are risking it all just because Dazai Osamu decided to give you bedroom eyes during one of the most important events the Port Mafia attends. Fuck, he drives you insane.

His head lolls forward, forehead resting against the side of yours, lips brushing your ear. You can feel his heavy pants, each one catching over a moan muffled by your panties. You rock your hips back and forth quickly, each drag of his cock against your walls making you hot and lightheaded. Whether it’s just from the sheer pleasure of it all—the way the tip of his cock pressees right into that sensitive spot deep inside of you, the way he’s so quickly coming undone beneath you, body trembling and drool pooling at the corner of his lips around your panties—or if it’s because of the way anyone could wander over in this direction, catch you fucking Dazai so brazenly when there’s a crowd of one hundred and fifty, two hundred of the most important people in the Japanese underworld just on the far side of the room, you don’t know, but heat pools in your abdomen so quickly that it’s almost impossible to control.

You can feel his breath ragged, his body tense, each roll of your hips against his has Dazai falling apart, and you can feel the telltale sign of his cock twitching inside of you, signaling that he’s about to finish. You tug his hair, pulling his head back from where it's fallen against you, and you lift your other hand quickly up to his lips, pushing them inside of his mouth to hook your fingers around your panties, pulling them out of his mouth.

Instantly, Dazai is pushing himself forward to press his lips against yours, freeing himself of his own tie so his hands can fly to your waist. You let out a low moan into his mouth as he pushes his tongue into yours, one hand sliding from your waist to your back, keeping your body flush to his as he grinds you down on his cock hard.

“Fuck,” Dazai groans into your mouth, voice choked. You can see the way he can hardly keep his gaze steady, the way he’s gripping your dress to try to keep himself grounded. “I-ah, shit-I’m close. I’m-”

You lean in to swallow his moan, kissing him hard as his eyes roll to the back of his head, hips stuttering as he spills his cum deep inside of you. Your breath catches at the feeling of his cum filling you up, warm, heavy, so much of it that you can feel it dribbling out from where his cock is still stuffed deep inside of you; it’s the last thing you need to push you over the edge, mind blank and jaw falling slack as your body shudders in his arms.

Black dots spot your vision, your nails dragging down his black coat, your whole body consumed with pleasure—it hits you so hard that you think maybe you might’ve passed out for a split second. The feeling of your release sends a shockwave through Dazai, you can feel the way his body spasms and jerks when your walls suddenly tighten around his sensitive cock.

“God,” Dazai breathes out against your lips, eyes glazed over as the two of you come down from your high, an expression so adoring on his face that you think for a moment, you might be imagining it. “You’re so…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, leaves it to your imagination, and you want to press, but you don’t have the chance because you’re slapped hard with reality when you hear Mishima’s speech coming to an end, eyes widening. Your legs are shaky as you push off of him, hissing at the feeling of his softening cock slipping out of your cunt—you almost snort when you see how Dazai twitches and winces at the sudden movement, still sensitive.

“Clean yourself up,” you tell him sharply, straightening your dress and fixing your hair, trying to catch sight of yourself in the reflection of a nearby glass, watching from the corner of your eye as Dazai stuffs himself back in his pants, wiping your cum off of his expensive black slacks before sucking it right off of his fingers. He grabs his tie from where he’d let it fall to the ground, and then your panties, winking at you before he stuffs them in the pocket of his jacket.

His gaze lifts to you as he rises to his feet, drifting lazily over your form, lingering on the way your skin glows with a soft sheen of sweat, the loose strands of hair that cling to your forehead—something you hope you can play off considering the air condition in the ballroom isn’t on. Then his gaze settles down on the lower half of your body, lips curling up into a slow smirk.

He takes a few steps closer to you, holding his tie out to you. “Re-tie it?” he hums, and you roll your eyes because you know he can do it himself and you know he has some sort of ulterior motive right now, but you take it from him regardless.

You quickly slide the tie around his neck, trying to tie it quickly before anyone catches sight of the two of you, but with you so focused on getting this done, you miss the way his hand sneaks forward until you feel it slip into the slit of your dress.

“Dazai,” you warn, keeping your voice low, but your breath catches when you feel him gather up all of the cum that had dribbled out of your cunt, head falling against his shoulder as you try to force yourself not to react when he uses two fingers to stuff it right back inside of you.

You can feel the wicked grin against your ear as he leans down to tug your earlobe gently. “Good luck explaining this to Ibuse.”

Then he steps away, dark eye glittering dangerously as he looks down at you.

“I’ll find you later,” he says before turning to walk away.

You’re not sure if it’s a threat or a promise and you don’t have time to make a snide comment asking, because you hear Ibuse approaching you from behind, giddy and excited until he catches sight of Dazai’s infamous black coat retreating, swallowing thickly and eyes flickering nervously between the two of you—a common reaction to the executive’s presence, knowing how dangerous and unpredictable he can be.

You wonder if Dazai would make Ibuse half as nervous and uncomfortable if he’d known he just spent the last fifteen minutes with your panties stuffed in his mouth and his hands tied behind his back, whining and whimpering, muffling all of his sounds so people didn’t overhear the two of you. But you dismiss that thought—that’s knowledge for you to keep to yourself, you don’t like sharing.

“Let’s get out of here?” you hum, drawing him out of his thoughts before he can spiral.

He lights back up again, but you can tell he’s still nervous from Dazai’s brief appearance. “Yeah, c’mon.”

Two hours later, you wander out of one of the back rooms in Mishima’s mansion, intent on getting back to headquarters. You don’t get more than two feet before you feel a hand wrap around your wrist, tugging you backward hard until your back meets a familiar chest.

Your heartbeat stills from the brief bout of erraticness when you felt someone grab you, relaxing back into Dazai, tilting your head back and to the side to look up at him as he holds your hips, keeping you flush to him.

“Did you fuck him?” Dazai asks, voice low and expression unreadable.

You have half a mind to say yes, just to see what Dazai plans to do if you did. He can’t kill Ibuse, not even he is reckless enough to start a war with the Sun and Steel right now, but you don’t think you want to risk it.

“Didn’t have to,” you say honestly. “He was babbling out everything I wanted to know before the doors even closed.”

Dazai searches your face for a moment as if trying to decide if you’re being truthful, when he does, one of his hands slips off your waist into his coat, and you hear the familiar sound of Dazai flipping the safety of his gun back on.

“Dazai,” you snap. “You can’t just-”

“I can do whatever I want,” Dazai interrupts you with the type of confidence that lets you know he had every intention of putting a bullet through Ibuse’s head if you fucked him, regardless of the consequences. The thought of that alone makes your blood run hot, pupils dilating as you look up at him; Dazai’s lips curve up slowly as if he knows just what’s going on in your head. He looks behind you curiously before focusing back down on you asking: “Is he passed out in there?”

“Mhm,” you agree, watching him curiously as you try to figure out what he might be thinking. “Drank too much.”

“Good,” Dazai murmurs, walking you right back into the room you’d come out of, a sharp smile on his face. He closes the door behind the two of you, gaze flickering over to where Ibuse is unconscious on the couch before he backs you up until your knees hit the corner of the bed, pushing you back onto it. “Let’s see if we can wake him up then.”

#dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai smut #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd smut #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu smut #bungo stray dogs x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs smut

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thebibliosphere · 3 months

Note

Am I reading this right? You have been beating yourself up for not 'working more' and not 'doing enough', but, the mere act of being AT YOUR DESK is extremely painful? Sitting at your work station, just SITTING THERE, caused you PHYSICAL PAIN, but you were still under the impression that you should be able to just 'power through that' to do, what? How much more are you expecting out of yourself? A book a month? Its not like you've STOPPED WORKING. What time table were you holding yourself to???

Here's the thing, my body has always hurt.

Even when I was a child, I was in a lot of pain that was dismissed as either "growing pains" despite the fact that I never got past 5 feet tall at the age of 11 or "attention seeking." So, I learned to stop talking about it. (The trick is now getting me to shut up about it.)

And for most of my teens and twenties, the pain didn't really stop me too much. It was bad, and it sucked, but for the longest time, everyone kept telling me that "everyone" felt that way, so I just sort of learned to power through and hide it under the assumption that "everyone" feels this way.

Well, turns out that was a mistake because my body hit its breaking point, and what might have been a mild genetic disability that could have flown under the radar is now a severe one that greatly impacts my daily life to the point where sitting at my desk causes me pain (because everything causes me pain).

Couple that with some new-age religious trauma about willpower, positive thinking, and whatever the fuck else my parents thought I was capable of as an 'indigo starseed' and the fact that I was trained to mask my ADHD by being a hyper-competent workaholic-- I really don't know what a healthy baseline is.

(I mean, heck, I wrote the first book of Hunger Pangs while literally dying. I assumed it would be edited and published posthumously. Jokes on me because now I've got to edit the rest of the fucking thing.)

I didn't, obviously, and ever since then, I've been trying to learn what a healthy baseline looks like for me post-recovery, and I think I'm doing quite well at it and enforcing my boundaries when people ask too much of me.

But none of that makes up for the shrieking frustration I feel that I can't do the things I want.

I want to be creative and do fun things, but I can't because my body won't let me. I want to write more, but I can't because I'm swimming in brain fog most of the time. Yes it hurts to sit at my desk, but I also need to earn money so the financial burden of everything isn't solely on my partner. (Something which he argues I shouldn't even be worrying about right now, but it's hard not to worry as I watch him work himself to the bone taking care of everything because I can't.)

I promise you, I'm not hustling my ass into an early grave. There is, in fact, zero hustle about how I work. I am very, very slow these days compared to how I used to be. There's no timetable for one thing. I get done what I get done, and that's it.

I'm just perpetually frustrated that my hyperactive brain is trapped in a malfunctioning meat suit. And my blog is where I talk about it and work through my emotions because, well, that's what I've always done long before Tumblr was even a thing. It just so happens now I've got an audience.

#chronic health tag #personal

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intoxicated-chan · 8 months

Text

❝𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐒❞ ↳ 𝐃. 𝐃𝐢𝐱𝐨𝐧

Inspired by “Judas” by Lady Gaga // Best viewed in Dark Mode

You were part of the tight-knit group that consisted of you, Rick Grimes, Lori Grimes, and Shane Walsh. The married couple made a bet if you and Shane would end up together, they both knew Shane liked you, and you would say you were interested but not really.

Yet you felt like something was missing, you found the idea of being with Shane depressing. If it wasn’t for Andrea and Amy dragging you to a bar, you never would’ve met the man that flipped your life around. The man in the black leather jacket with the name JUDAS printed on the back.

Daryl ‘Judas’ Dixon…

Paring ➳ Biker!Daryl Dixon x F!Reader

Content Warnings ➳ Female Reader, MODERN AU/NO OUTBREAK, age-gap (Reader’s in late twenties, Daryl early forties), terribly written smut, violence, swearing, toxic relationships, mentions of marriage, mentions of having children…

CHAPTERS ↓ Tumblr Only

All of the titles are lyrics to Lady Gaga songs!

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏 ║ ❝𝐉𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐬 𝐈𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐞❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐 ║ ❝𝐘𝐨𝐮❜𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑 ║ ❝𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐮𝐭❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒 ║ ❝𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐡 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐎𝐧 𝐚 𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓 ║ ❝𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐈𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐝, 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔 ║ ❝𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐦 𝐁𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐞❜𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕 ║ ❝𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐈 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐌𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟖 ║ ❝𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐌𝐲 𝐂𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐡❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟗 ║ ❝𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧❜𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞❞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟎 ║❝𝐈❜𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐰❞ (Coming soon!!)

© Intoxicated-Chan 2024, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform without my permission. None of the photos used belong to me! Credits to @cafekitsune and @benkeibear for the dividers. I use it all the time.

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smileysuh · 5 months

Text

comfort cuisine - TEASER

🌙 starring. Johnny Suh x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. You’ve never felt a feral need like this before, but it’s not necessarily the primal type of drive. Instead, it’s a feeling of wanting to be close to this man- who you’ve been next to for so many years, but unable to touch. Except, he’s touching you now, and you want more.

tw/cw. unprotected sex, breast worship/massaging, big dick Johnny, fingering, pussy stretching prep, 'it's finger licking good,' praise, dirty talk, masturbation, multiple reader orgasms, cumming together, creampie, soft sex, longing, fluff, etc… I pet names: (hers) honey.

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 10.8k

🍭 aus. aged up/widower dad!John, best friends to lovers, Chef!John, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. I'm so happy that people loved Line Chef Mark in my fic Real Talk, I received so many messages about giving Head Chef John his own love story, and this is what I came up with in the past four months :) it's a little different from what I normally do, but I wanted to continue with that 'slice of life' theme and venture into a plot line I've never tried before with widower/single dad John :)

“So two line chefs called in, huh?” you prompt, tucking your legs up and making room for the large man on the sofa.

“I expected it from Haechan, but Mark’s generally pretty reliable. His girlfriend was on shift today, so I know he wasn’t skipping to be with her- I’m guessing they got pretty messed up last night.”

“They’re young,” you point out, accepting a beer from him. “We used to be young.”

“Used to be,” Johnny laughs, taking a swig of his drink.

Looking at this man- this father, you realize maybe he never really got the chance to be young. At twenty five, he had a six year old, he wasn't running around blacking out and getting hung over, he was working his way up the employment ladder, dreaming about a better future for his daughter.

“You mentioned Mark has a girlfriend, I think I’ve heard about her a few times now, it’s interesting that she was in and he wasn’t.”

“I’m going to be honest, I love Mark, he’s a great kid- but, he can sometimes be peer pressured into things. Haechan has a hold on Mark unlike any I’ve seen, they bring out… interesting sides of each other.”

You laugh at the description, and it’s clear there’s more on Johnny’s mind, so you wait for him to continue.

“It’s nice that Mark is young and in love, I can understand that- but at the same time, I just hope he doesn’t make the same mistakes I did. Not that Soonbok is a mistake, of course- I just mean that… life is fragile. You think you’re going to be with someone forever, and then you’re reminded of how frail things can be.”

You frown at his words. Even after all of these years, Johnny still holds so much pain about his lost wife. You want to do your best to help Johnny in every aspect of his life, especially emotional, but this is a topic you never know how to approach. He’s right for grieving, his ex was his first love, his true love- how is there anything you could ever say to make him feel better about her passing?

You open your mouth, only to close it, and Johnny watches you intently. Sometimes he looks at you, the way he’s looking at you right now, and you wonder if he feels the same level of connection with you that you feel with him. You wonder if he wants you to kiss him, if a kiss would make him feel better, if it would - if even for a moment - help him forget about the pains he’s faced in his life.

But it’s because of the pains he’s faced that neither of you can close the distance, you’d like to think about it that way at least. Even after all these years, it’s still too early, so you simply reach out and gently squeeze his hand.

Johnny offers you a smile, and you’re glad that in some small way, maybe you’ve helped him.

☀️ to read the full fic AND 3.1k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here

👹 or wait till the fic is posted on tumblr Friday, May 17th, 2024

🔮 see what’s already available to read on my m.list

taglist is limited, to ensure a tag please reply, reblog with a comment, or reblog, those who do one of those three options will be prioritized when it comes to posting day

I'll do my best to post a link to the fic here as soon as it's on tumblr

#johnny suh #johnny suh smut #nct #nct 127 smut #nct smut #johnny nct #johnny nct smut #nct johnny smut

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kat-mobile · 3 months

Note

Hi! I saw that your requests were open so I'll just drop this off here ~

Jake seresin and female reader just with some morning fluffy type cuddle stuff - maybe a little spice if you're comfortable with it !

ty<3

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

A/N: When I tell you that I used to be obsessed with this man, like full on obsessed. Once in summer 2022 I spent 12 hours on tumblr reading jake seresin fanfic 😭. To my anons I am working on all your tommy shelby requests, I just did this one first because it's my first Jake request and I love him very much!! Hope you like it ❤️❤️

You were rudely pulled from your beauty sleep by the shrill ring of Jakes alarm, the clock on your nightstand showing it to be 5am, way too early for anyone in their right mind to be getting up. Sadly though, your boyfriend was not in his right mind as he actively chose to get up at this absurd time everyday to get to the gym before making his way to base. You groaned, rolling over and away from the clock to bury your face into your pillow and block out the noise as he reached over you to turn it off. At least he actually woke up today, he has a terrible habit of sleeping through alarms, always the extremely loud and early ones. He had to slap the top of the clock a few times but eventually the room fell quiet again and you prepared yourself to be pushed away so he could get up to dress and leave.

However, this morning he surprised you by pulling you close and winding his arms tighter around your waist, lowering his head down and smushing his nose into the crown of your head whilst he was at it. San Diego was hot this time of year and lying flush with the human furnace that is Jake Seresin was not helping, but you didn't have it within you to move, letting your pleasure overshadow your discomfort. It wasn't long before you started to drift off back into a state of sleep, safe and content in Jakes arms, but the pilot quickly grew bored. Humming a tune into your messy bed head and gently tapping along to a beat only he could hear against your hip bone, he finds ways to pass the time, always having to be doing something, always has to be moving.

Jake is someone who likes a schedule, he likes to know what he's doing and when he's doing it, it helps to ease the stress of the job. But if jake is skipping his daily routine of leaving you to lay in a cold bed in favour of the gym... well let's just say you're not complaining.

You know that soon enough Jake will still have to leave your carefully crafted bubble, needing to arrive at Base for half 6, but you push that thought to the back of your mind and shift your body to twist to face him. Keeping your eyes firmly shut but leaning up and stretching your neck to pepper little, soft kisses along the underside of his jaw, you bring a hand up to ghost along his side, returning his embrace. Kissing upwards until you finally meet his lips, legs intertwining with his, a lazy smile stretches across his face. He has to get up in roughly less than twenty minutes but for now he's more than happy where he is, holding you close and slowly drifting in and out of consciousness, being lulled by the sound of your gentle breathing.

#jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman x reader #top gun maverick x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #top gun hangman #top gun maverick

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thefallennightmare · 2 months

Text

Just Pretend-Twenty Seven

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse, talks of death, depressive thoughts.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: I apologize for the trauma I will cause with this chapter. But I promise that it's meant to happen this way. The light might be flickering now but soon, it will shine brighter than ever.

Also, I know I teased sweet, sweet, smut, but time got away from me so I will save it for the next chapter! Tumblr is being stupid and only allowing me to tag 50 people on a post so I might have to take some of these tags and add them in a comment, so if for some reason you don't see your tag, don't fret! It is added in the comments. As always, enjoy my loves, and thank you for sticking with me!

Tags[CLOSED]: @blueskylinesx @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @joe9cool @ozwriterchick @teenblues @malice-ov-mercy @krisslee18 @xxkittenkissesxx @happi-goth @embracethereaper42 @softvgold @cncohshit @heyyoplayer @rain-down-on-me @bloody-delusion-expert @respectfulrebel @reader13000 @koskeepsake @malerieee @cheyyyyr @myownthoughts12 @noahsbong @laurpartyprogram @cloudykoookie @jessiskyee @a1ex-ba1ex @sideeyenoah @emzandthevoid @badomensls @bellaboo967 @waake-mee-up @rxdlstgn @anthemheatwave @lobolocaamo @cncohshit @amelia-acero @karenfranco @collidewiththesavannah @xserenax-13 @bleachampion @thepastelfae @supersquirrel1996 @madomens @themodern-daywednesday @oxythoughtin7715

READER

People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead.

That’s complete bullshit.

The noise around me was muted, and uninteresting, as my eyes stared daggers into the burial plot at my feet. It was all wrong, everything about this day was wrong. This entire moment was a facade of what people always believed happened after death. My dad wasn’t up in the sky watching me with a proud smile on his face.

His body was in the ground beneath my feet.

There was an empty hole in my heart, caving in with every pathetic attempt from the ones around in an effort to comfort me. It was a feign response due to what happened. No one here knew me or my father. Some of these people I hadn’t seen in years while the others I never met, acquaintances of my father’s while he lived here in Japan. They were compelled by the crosses on their necks because they were worried about what came next for them. They were all liars.

My dad included.

He lied to me for over a year. He hid his cancer from everyone. He suffered in silence and in pain.

Did I not matter to him? Was I not important enough for him to tell me the truth? Did he even love me?

When I arrived in Japan four days ago, Noah and I immediately went to the hospital where my dad died to speak with the doctors. According to them, my dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer almost two years ago but they were hopeful because they caught it early on. He even beat it with rigorous treatments and was feeling good; alive.

Yet, five weeks ago the cancer came back, more aggressive than before and this time my dad opted out of treatments. He told his doctors he was done fighting and wanted to go naturally. He had all of his funeral plans already set in motion, casket and all.

The real kicker about my dad’s cancer? He never smoked a day in his life and he was one of the healthiest persons I know.

You knew.

When the hospital first told me what happened, I didn’t believe them. There was no way my father was sick and didn’t tell me. I was in a state of denial for hours after the news, I sat in the hospital waiting room for my dad to walk through those doors to tell me everything was alright and it was just a normal check up.

Noah had to force me out of the chair after three hours of waiting for a ghost.

“Y/N, he’s not coming back,” Noah’s eyes shined with his tears as he lifted me up from my seated position. “I’m sorry, angel. But we can’t keep sitting here.”

I choked on a breath causing Noah to turn his head towards me but I refused to meet his gaze knowing that if I did, all of my strong reserve would crumble the second I drank in those almond eyes. Instead, I burned all of my hate down at the open grave, desperately wishing the dirt would cover the oak box that was six feet deep. He cheated death before but now it was real.

My dad was buried in a box because the cancer couldn’t stop.

“Would his daughter like to say a few words?”

Noah shifted beside me, the softest of breezes we felt for the first time all afternoon blowing through his unkempt hair and through the muted feeling coursing through me, I felt his fingers link with mine.

“We can keep going,” he answered for me.

I didn’t say a word all morning while getting ready for my dad’s funeral. I was in a catatonic state of numbness in a way to mentally prepare myself. It wasn’t until Noah and I were sitting in the rental car outside of the cemetery as we waited for the funeral home to arrive with my dad’s body that I finally spoke.

“Please don’t make me say anything today. He won’t be able to hear me,” I kept my eyes trained hard outside of the window, not bothering to glance towards Noah who sat in the driver's seat.

His tattooed fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Whatever you want, angel.”

As the funeral continued on, I felt Noah’s strong arms wrap around my shoulder and pulled me into his warm chest. The dress I wore did nothing to keep the warmth inside of me with the short sleeves even after Noah asked me three times before we left this morning if I wanted a jacket.

“Please take all the time you need to say your goodbyes,” the man from the funeral home said. “Miss. Y/L/N, is there somewhere you would like everyone to meet you for the wake?”

Right, the wake. Another name for an after party where you’re supposed to celebrate the life the deceased lived.

Or as I called it, another bullshit reason for people to act like they knew my dad.

Chase, who stood on the other side of me, cleared his throat. “Feel free to head on home after this. We decided not to have a wake.”

A round of gasps rose from the group of people standing around the now filling grave. “Dear, you need to have a wake! It’s what your father would want!”

My head snapped up towards the older woman who hid beneath an excessively large hat. I think she was in one of my fathers book clubs. Through the bloodshot eyes, I sliced her in half with my gaze and my throat burned as I tried not to cry.

“You have no idea what my dad would have wanted,” I snapped.

Noah hushed me by dragging his lips into my hairline and running a hand up and down my arm.

“It’s alright, angel. Just breathe.”

Malcolm gave an apologetic smile to everyone before bidding them all a goodbye with a curt nod. Slowly, everyone who didn’t matter dispersed and I was left with the ones that did.

Noah continued to hold me to his chest as the sobs began to fall through my lips, and I grasped onto his jacket to find some sort of anchor.

Chase and Malcolm solemnly stood on my right with their hands deep in their pockets. Besides me, they were the only other ones here that actually knew my dad. He loved Chase and Malcolm like they were his own sons so I knew they were hurting deep down as well.

Jesse, Matt, Faye, and Michael all stood on the other end of the grave. I could feel their looks of sorrow as it bounced from the filled grave back to me.

Jolly, Astrid, Folio, and Nicholas were behind me, closing ranks almost in a way to shield me from any other bad thing that threatened my life.

Since it was so last minute, some of the rest of the crew couldn’t fly out but I didn’t hold it against them. It was unknown how long we would be here for so between Tay, Bryan, and Davis they all offered to take turns with watching Salem.

“Can heaven fall to earth?” I cried into Noah’s shirt. “I want to feel it come down. I need him.”

Noah let out a shaky breath, resting his chin on top of my head as he rocked me slowly. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just let me stain his shirt with my tears, and it wasn’t until I saw Chase’s striking blue eyes that I realized the sun had set and the moon was starting to crest over the hills, gray lights breaking through the cherry blossom trees.

“I don’t want to rush you, sweets,” he gave me a somber smile. “But I think they’re going to close the gates soon.”

Blinking rapidly, I looked around at all my friends; my family. They dropped everything to be here for me and most of them never met my dad. However my heart was too broken to care. At that moment, I wanted to be alone with my dad. I didn’t even want Noah. I tried to push him away the first few days but he refused, he wouldn’t let me be alone during this.

While everyone went back to their hotel rooms, we would be going back to my dad’s house again. His scent still lingered in the aged walls and I swore the first few nights we slept in the guest room, I could hear his footsteps in the hallway. I expected to see him sitting in the old and faded green reading chair in the corner of the living room with either a book or the paper in his lap. Instead I woke up to an empty house.

Well, almost empty.

“Did you want a few minutes alone?” Noah asked.

Finally looking up at him through the tears, I shook my head. “Can we please go back?”

His face was contorted with his own pain yet still managed to give me that smile I loved. “Anything you want, angel.”

While they all conversed about possibly meeting up for breakfast in the morning, my mind was elsewhere. All of my thoughts were in the dark recesses of my mind and I let them take me further and further. I didn’t want to find a way out.

I wanted to be with my dad.

With Noah’s gentle tug on my shoulder, I let him lead me back towards the rental car, still in a state of dissociation. I didn’t even realize he helped me into the seat, buckled my seat belt, and drove off from the cemetery until we were minutes away from my dads place.

“Y/N?”

Feeling like it weighed like a bag of rocks, I raised my head up from staring at my dry knuckles and over towards the concerning eyes of Noah.

“Hm?”

Words couldn’t even form on my tongue. I was too far deep in my grief and the idea of talking was too much of a task.

“Are you hungry? I can stop by that ramen place, if you want.”

Noah flicked his eyes back on the road as he sat straight up against the seat but I knew with the way his jaw ticked, something was weighing heavily on him. It wasn't a secret that he was keeping how he felt with everything to himself and the little voice inside my brain was screaming at me to talk with him, work out how both of us were feeling.

Instead, I gave him a very weak shrug before turning to look out the window, the scenery whipping past us. It was all a blur of colors, unimaginative and unappealing. When we arrived back to my dad’s place, I barely gave Noah a smile as he opened the door for me and when I stepped into the darkness of the somewhat empty home, I made a beeline towards the guest bedroom on the far end of the hallway, not bothering to look at the envelope with my name on it on the kitchen counter or the 10lbs fluff ball that happily wagged its tail at my feet when he saw us.

Like I’d done the last four days, I locked myself inside of the guest room and buried myself underneath the mounds of blankets. There was a lot of work to get done with packing up my dad’s place but it didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered anymore. The only thing that did was rotting in the earth's soil.

NOAH

"Angel?" I called out into the cold darkness.

Stepping into the now familiar house, I shook the chilled rain from my jacket and hung it up on the hook next to the door. The aged wood of the floor creaked beneath my feet as I padded across it, after kicking off my shoes. There was a faint glow emanating from the lamp in the living room, casting my surroundings in a muted yellow as I set down the takeout bag on the counter.

Not like she would eat. She hasn't eaten anything in days.

The two envelopes had sat in the same spot on the kitchen counter since we first arrived eight days ago; untouched. One with Y/N’s name and one with mine. She refused to touch it or even look at it because she knew what it was.

A letter from her dad.

I didn’t force her to read it knowing she needed the time to accept everything beforehand. Yet deep down, I was so afraid that the walls Y/N had made in her mind had locked her in. We weren’t okay but for now, I needed to try my best to just pretend.

Jingling tags caught my attention and I bent low at the knees just as Kuma met me halfway. He was Y/N’s dad’s three month old Akita puppy. From when he died to when we arrived three days later, one of his friends had been taking care of the dog but I offered to take over in Kuma’s care.

Y/N wanted nothing to do with him.

“We’ll take him to the shelter before we leave.”

“Hey bud,” I smiled while scratching behind his ears. “Did you get dinner yet?”

Kuma let out a bark, quiet and squeaky, and he shook out his fur. He was all black with a white spot around one eye and on one paw.

After filling up his bowl with food and water, I brushed my hands on the back of my dress slacks and let out a long breath. Earlier today, Y/N had a meeting with some lawyers to figure out her dad’s estate and what to do with the rest of his money. It was stated in his will that she had the final say on what to do with his things and that she was entitled to all of his savings. Y/N was never hurting financially since Hollow Souls was thriving but now with the extra money, she’d be able to live comfortably without worry. Thankfully in the divorce, it was made clear that her mom would not get a cent of her dads money when he passed.

Y/N had yet to decide what she wanted to do with all of her fathers things. As soon as we both arrived back earlier, she yet again locked herself in the guest room.

The house, while it was unfamiliar at first, I knew that the bones of the structure told a story; one of a man that loved his daughter very much and wished he was able to say goodbye. My socks slid against the floor as I followed the soft tune of music from the guest bedroom, passing the one room that had remained shut since we arrived a week ago; her refusing to open it.

Her dad’s bedroom.

"Y/N?" I tried again, hoping now that I was closer to the bedroom she'd be able to hear me. "I brought some ramen from the place down the road. Your favorite."

The only thing I heard was the same tune of music, louder now.

"I'm sorry I can't get out of bed. I'm sorry that my head’s always a mess."

Joe. His song, I’m sorry. I’m trying, was one of her favorites.

Y/N had been playing the same nothing, nowhere song the entire afternoon, drowning in his melodies when I left her earlier after our disagreement. I knew she wasn't in the right headspace with what she tried so I couldn't hold it against her. But there was no way I could do what she asked.

Not now.

"Noah, please," her hands reached for my shirt, trying to pry it away from my skin. "I just need five minutes."

"Y/N," I tenderly held onto her wrists, halting her. "You're not in the right mind for this."

She wrenched her hands from my grip and knelt on the bed, grasping the waistband of my dress pants, and began pulling them down. I fought against her as her hand slipped between my briefs and took a hold of my cock, squeezing it.

"Make me forget this pain, Noah. Please."

Y/N attacked my lips with hers and for a brief moment, I sunk into the way she felt against me, her fingers gathering the precum from my cock, smearing it over the head. I shook in her touch as my mouth moved against hers. It had been so long since we were intimate, almost two weeks, and my soul had yearned for hers wanting to feel complete again.

But I knew this wasn't the right time. She was using me as an outlet for the pain she hid behind the smile on her face.

"This isn't right, angel," I gently pushed her away but kept a hold on her face. "I won't take advantage of you when you're like this."

Bloodshot and broken eyes stared up at me, soulless and lifeless, before she pushed me away to burrow herself under the covers again; where she'd been every day since the funeral.

Knocking on the open door, I peered inside expecting to see Y/N lying in bed where I left her but my heart stalled in my chest at the sight. The world came to a standstill as every single one of my senses was on high alert, panicked eyes dragging across every inch of empty space.

Shattered glass spilled onto the floor from the trail that began in the adjacent bathroom and that was when I noticed the mirror had been broken. I did my best to tiptoe around the shards as I peered into the shower, hoping to see Y/N.

“Angel?” My voice shook with fear, wondering what the hell happened in the twenty minutes I was gone.

Running a frantic hand through my soaked hair from the earlier rain, I scanned the room once more and made the decision to go search the rest of the house when I froze. Choking on a breath, I gingerly reached for a piece of paper stained with blood that lay on the torn up bed. It was from Y/N’s lyric journal. I only knew that because of the older writings from You and I.

Yet, it was the fresh ink that made my heart drop to the depths of my stomach, the sound of crinkling paper overpowering the music in the desolate room.

I’m sorry. I can’t keep trying.

JESSE

“What is going on?” I asked while pushing through the already open door, Michael following close behind.

Malcolm was trying his best to calm an erratic Noah, who wouldn’t stop pacing the room, drowning in the rainwater that clung to his shivering body. Chase was sitting on the couch with a relaxed Kuma laying in lap, while he was not. He had his phone pressed to his ear only to curse before redialling a number.

“I have to get back out there!”

Noah tried to push past Malcolm, only for him to shove him back.

“Dude, look at you! You're soaked and shivering! It’s pouring outside, you need to dry off before you catch pneumonia,” Malcolm angrily threw his auburn curls up into a messy bun.

Noah’s eyes narrowed at him. “It’s Y/N! I need to find her!”

About twenty minutes ago, Noah had called my phone in a frenzied state, rambling on about how Y/N is missing and he spent the last hour out in the rain looking for her. While everyone else had flown back home a few days ago, me, Michael, Chase and Malcolm hung back just in case Noah or Y/N needed anything.

Suddenly, I was very thankful we did.

“You tried, Noah! You were out in the rain for an hour. Chase had to drag you back inside,” Malcolm’s voice was raised but not nearly as high as Noah’s.

“Fuck you!” Noah cursed, finally brushing past Malcolm, only to be stopped by Michale and I as we made a barrier in front of the door.

I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on,” I said as calmly as I could.

I’d known Noah for years, lived with him just as long, and I also knew that the only way to reason with his stubbornness was with your own calm stubbornness.

He tried to break through our barrier but Michael laid a firm hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Y/N’s gone!” Noah exasperated while throwing a hand in the direction of the door. “There’s broken glass in the bedroom and she left me a note. I have to find her!”

I’d never seen him in this kind of state. His hair was a wild mess, even from the rain. His eyes were wild and bloodshot, showing he’d been crying. His lips were blue from how cold he was. But worst of all was the look of pure failure on his face.

“You didn’t fail her, Noah,” I sighed while dropping my arms.

He blinked. “I-I-fuck!”

Michael stepped forward and rested two hands on Noah’s shoulders. “Look at me.”

When he refused, Michael gripped Noah’s chin, forcing him.

“You. Did. Not. Fail. Her.” Michael blew out his own shaky breath, it was killing both of us to see our friend like this.

So broken.

So defeated.

I rarely ever saw Noah like this, the only times I knew of him having a panic attack, it was always Nicholas there to help him through it. But now, it was us.

He let out an unsettling sob before he fell to his knees, letting out an earth shattering scream. All four of us watched him for a moment, allowing him to release the pent up frustration and anger he felt from the past week. Noah had held it together for Y/N, being there to catch her when she fell from her dad’s death, whereas no one had been there for him. He’d found himself in a deep hell and now, he woke up screaming with the realization that all he’d done to protect Y/N was for not.

Noah was on his knees, body shivering from the chilled rain and now his cries, so I tentatively knelt in front of him.

“Come on,” I spoke gingerly while placing my hands underneath his arms, ready to hoist him up.

“She left me,” he sobbed, grabbing a hold of my shirt and was met with eyes filled with heartache. “She fucking left me. Again!”

Glancing over to Malcolm with narrowed eyes from underneath my hat, I waited for him to give me some sort of indication that Y/N had in fact not left Noah in that way; all she needed was some time to herself.

Malcolm shared a look with Chase, who in turn shook his head. “She wouldn’t leave him. We all know that.”

But I didn’t miss the hesitation in his voice.

“There’s this fucking hole in my heart, Jesse!” Noah pounded his chest. “It’s that stupid shit Jolly always talked about, the soulmate crap. Y/N feels so far away and my soul is crying for her. It needs to find her because it can’t survive without her. After everything we’ve gone through, she still fucking left me. Why did she push me away? I was here for her, did she not realize that? I’d give up everything for her. But she just threw it all away!”

Noah was rambling a bunch of nonsense now, we all knew that. He didn’t mean any of it. Y/N and Noah’s love was pure as a fresh flower bud, trying to push through the heavy soil that dampred its growth. But once their souls find each other again, their love will be able to break through and flourish.

Like it always did.

“Come on,” I repeated again, this time now bringing Noah to his feet, albeit his head still hung low. “This is what you’re going-Noah, look at me.”

Reluctantly, he lifted his head.

“You’re going to take a shower, try to eat something, and sit your ass on that couch. Snuggle up with Kuma. Write out your feelings. Play guitar. Mediate. Whatever fucking helps you calm down. Because when I find Y/N and bring her back, you need to have a clear head.”

Something flickered behind those dull eyes and I wiped away those lingering tears.

“I promise you. I will find her and bring her back, alright?”

When Noah didn’t say anything, I tapped his cheek with my hand causing him to grumble a few curses under his breath.

“You didn’t have to smack me, asshole,” he rubbed at his face with the smallest of smiles.

Feeling the grip of anxiety loosen a bit, I let out a long breath and nodded. Trying to pull Noah out of this current state wasn’t helping my own anxiety but I tried my best to not slip into that familiar feeling of dread. Noah needed all of us to be strong.

“Micheal and I will go out to look for Y/N. You stay here with Chase and Malcolm, in case she comes back.

As we took two steps towards the front door, Malcolm stopped me with a grip on my elbow, stopping me. Chase was keeping Noah preoccupied by forcing him to snuggle with Kuma. There was an immense fear clouding his emerald eyes as he ran a hand over his face.

“Do you have any idea where to start?” He asked.

I zipped up my jacket with a sigh. “Not a fucking clue. Her dad’s grave is too far on foot. The rental car is still here. Unless she took a cab.”

“There’s one place no one knows about, besides me,” Malcolm admitted while shifting on his feet.

Michael slinked up beside me. “You’re just saying this now?!”

I placed a hand on his chest, feeling his anger radiate into the air around us. We all were doing our best to remain in control but deep down, we were afraid for Y/N.

“I didn’t think of it until now,” Malcolm sucked in a breath while averting his gaze for a few beats before locking it with mine. “There’s this garden about two blocks from here. Y/N and her dad went every morning when we were here last. It was where she had that conversation with her dad about Noah. Where he told her to go for it.”

With a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder, Michael and I quickly left the house and into the rain towards the car. Following Malcolm’s instructions, Michael drove towards the garden and as we pulled up to an empty lot, I did my best to look through the windshield while the sky opened up with even more rain.

“Shit. We’re going to have probably split up to find her. This place is huge,” Michael noted.

Suddenly, I remembered something from the one Hollow Souls live streams Noah and I watched together years ago. A fan asked her where she liked to go when she needed time to think.

"Oh, that's easy," she answered with zero hesitation. "The rooftop of the venue we’re playing or the rooftop of my apartment. I love looking out at the vastness of the city almost like I'm Zeus staring down at all the other DemiGods."

“You stay in the car, make sure it’s warm. I have an idea where she’d be,” I said before leaving the car and gazed through the onslaught of the current storm.

Thunder shook my bones as I ran through the garden looking for any kind of rooftop that Y/N could be sitting on. Minutes whizzed by as I stood there shivering, ready to give up hope, I saw the smallest of movements in the quick break of rain. There, less than ten feet in front of me, was Y/N sitting on top of a pergola with her knees pulled to her chest.

“How the hell did she get up there?” I muttered to myself before taking off my hat to shake out the water from my curls.

With a grunt, I willed my body up the scaffolding of the pergola and nearly slipped with how wet it was.

This has to be illegal, right? Am I going to get thrown in jail for this? Is this disrespectful? Oh man, I’m going to get haunted by some kind of ghost.

My knees shook when I stood to full height on the roof just as the storm started again.

“Y/N!” I yelled over the thunder.

Her head whipped up from being buried in her hands and the sight before me shattered me. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips blue from the outside chill, and worst of all was the look that mirrored Noah’s.

Failure.

“J-Jesse?” She choked on her words. “Wha-? How did you find me?”

I extended a hand towards her. “Come on, let’s get you somewhere warm and dry.”

Y/N frantically shook her hair, the wet strands of hair sticking to her face. “I can’t go back there, please don’t make me. I-I-can’t.”

Quickly, I had her in my arms as I sat next to her, feeling her body trembling against me; not sure if it was from the rain or the sobs that controlled her. Even though we were drenched, neither of us moved.

“Sweetheart,” I cooed in her ear. “It’s alright.”

Y/N latched onto me. “N-no, it’s not. Everything is so fucked up! My dad is buried in the ground and it’s all my fault.”

This time, I forced those broken eyes to look at me.

“How is his death your fault, Y/N?”

“He’d been calling me for weeks,” her bottom lip trembled. “Weeks! I ignored him because I was too caught up in my life and didn’t want to disturb it.”

“Disturb it, how?” My brows furrowed.

Droplets of rain fell from the rim of my hat, splashing down onto her lap along with her tears.

“I was caught up in the bliss of everything; Noah, Hollow Souls, just life in general. I was afraid that he’d bring the same drama my mom had. All I wanted was to keep the bubble around me, protecting me from it all,” she cast her eyes down, ashamed.

I brought her closer to me when I felt her shivering more now and rested my chin on top of her head.

“Your dad has never been that way, sweetheart. You know that,” I reminded her.

She wiped her nose against my shirt but I couldn’t be bothered.

“I think deep down I knew something was wrong with him. The cough he had lasted way too long but I kept telling him to get it checked out. I thought he was ignoring me. So I guess I got tired of pushing something on him when he didn’t want it. Subconsciously, I began pushing myself away hoping he’d realize how upset I was with him not getting himself checked out, when in reality-.”

Her words trailed off, unable to finish, but she didn’t have too. I knew what Y/N was going to say.

“He fought for his life as long as he could, sweetheart. I promise you that he never meant to leave you like this,” I assured her.

“Why did he have to die? My dad left me broken and alone with a long life,” her voice was muffled against my chest.

I rubbed circles against her back, feeling the indents of bones against my palm and it was then I realized how drastically her dad’s death affected her. Noah mentioned that Y/N stopped eating days ago and with the dark circles under her eyes, it was evident she hadn’t been sleeping either. Shew was skin and bones, starved for the light of the everglow.

“I miss him so much, Jesse. I want him back with me. I went to his grave first to scream at him for leaving me like this. Digging in the dirt hoping he would resurface. All of the light is gone, just darkness. My body is numb with coming undone. Why did it have to be him?”

I lifted her legs so she could sit completely in my lap. “Your dad loved you so much, Y/N. I know you’re hurting right now and it’s going to take some time to get rid of that anger but it’s normal. I know you're tired now but you can't keep running because you’re terrified you won't see your dad on the other side. The only thing you have to remember is to not let that anger consume you and destroy everything good in your life. You cannot let it overcome the light.”

She sniffled and nodded. “I know. I pushed away so many of you, ignoring everyone. Astrid has been texting me wondering how I am but I don’t know what to say because I just don’t understand how I should feel. Chase and Malcolm have tried to get me out of my dad’s house the last few days but I leave them on read because I’m so tired. It physically hurts me to move out of bed.”

The rain began to let up as Y/N took a deep breath, it was unsteady and broken.

“Noah,” she cried. “Fuck. Noah. I kept pushing him away when all he has done is take care of me!”

She pushed away from me with a start. “Oh my god, Jesse! I left him. I promised him I would never leave him like that again but I did! He must hate me, I can’t believe-.”

I gently cupped her cheeks, brushing away the tears, and she was cold to the touch, falling alone like snow.

“Hey, stop. Noah does not hate you. He’s worried about you. He spent the last two hours out in the rain searching for you. If anything Y/N, you scared the shit out of him. But he doesn’t hate you.”

Her shoulders fell. “I left behind such a mess. I can’t imagine what was going through his mind when he saw the glass in the bedroom.”

“What exactly happened?” I wondered.

Y/N gnawed on her bottom lip, ripping away the dead skin. “I felt disgusted for what I tried to do to Noah. I almost forced him to take advantage of me because I needed to forget about this pain. How could I have done that?”

I didn’t answer, simply let her continue on. “I found myself staring at my reflection with revulsion so I punched the mirror. It shattered everywhere and I sliced my hand pretty good.”

Tenderly turning it over in my hand, I cringed when I saw the various cuts along her knuckles. Faintly, I could see dirt underneath her fingernails and my heart sank with the image of her digging at her fathers grave. The blood had been washed away from the rain but I knew that her hand needed to be bandaged up in case the wounds opened up again.

“Sweetheart, you weren’t in the right headspace. Noah would never hold any of this against you. He loves you, he just wants you back safely with him.”

Dull eyes stared up at me. “I owe him an apology.”

“Why don’t we get you back to the house first, yeah?” I suggested just as the rain began to slow.

Y/N didn’t say anything, only nodded, which was enough to raise her up with me just like I had done to Noah before.

“Jesse?”

Her voice was meek as she reached for my arms, holding onto them with all her might.

“Hm?” I hummed.

Our gazes locked for a long beat and gradually the light that was Y/N began to shine through the clouds that blocked her mind.

“I love you. Thank you for being here,” she wrapped her arms around me in a vice grip, nearly knocking me off my feet.

With a quiet laugh, I kissed the top of her head in the way a brother would his little sister.

“I love you too, kid.”

Playfully, she pushed me away. “Kid? You’re only four years older than me.”

With a shrug, I then helped her down the rooftop of the pergola and once we were back on solid ground, Michael came running up to us nearly knocking Y/N to the ground now when he wrapped his arms around her.

“Don’t ever do that again, Y/N! You scared the shit out of everyone!” he chastised her once her feet were stable on the concrete again.

She cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry. I never meant too. I was lost and needed to try and find myself.”

Michael nodded in her embrace. “You’re like a sister to me, to all of us. When you’re hurting, we all are. We just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I know. I am now.”

Tears pooled in her eyes before Michael wrapped her underneath his arm and began leading her back to the car, me following close behind. But upon closer inspection of Y/N, I noticed something peculiar.

“Y/N?” I pulled them to a stop. “Where’s your shoe?”

She pursed her lips as a red hue covered her cheeks and looked down at the foot that didn’t have a shoe covering it. “Oh, well-uh-I tripped while running from the cemetery to this garden and it fell down a sewer drain; along with my phone.”

Michael and I shared a look before we burst out into a fit of laughter, us doubling over. Y/N rested her hands on her hips with the hope to be upset with us finding the whole thing hilarious, until her own laughter filled the air thick with humidity due to the previous storm.

With every precious laughter that emanated from Y/N, it was as if her soul was beginning to glow bright again. The light around her halo flickering back to life as the sun broke through the clouds; a sign from somewhere that everything would be alright.

NOAH

My mind was a mess of emotions, all leading me to think of the worst things of what happened to Y/N. Most of all, it demanded that I push past Chase who’d been guarding the door to find her myself. Jesse and Michael had been gone for quite some time, meaning they had yet to find her. I’d been so worried about her that I had yet to change out of my still soaked clothes that had barely dried, much to the dismay of Malcolm who continued to mutter under his breath that I was leaving puddles all over the floor.

It would be better if I went out there again. Maybe this time I could go a different route and-.

Suddenly the front door clicked open causing me and Kuma to pause our pacing of the floor and through the hazy vision of tears, I watched as Michael walked in, followed by Jesse who was holding a shivering Y/N against him. The sight of her like that stole all the air from my lungs as I let out a choked breath, the vice grip that was entangled around my heart from the moment I read the note finally began to loosen and we both stood there for a beat of silence, simply staring at one another.

Kuma barked happily before trotting over to Y/N, pawing at her leg yet her eyes never left mine.

I swallowed the burn in my throat while blinking away the tears and then all at once, we both ran to each other and as soon as our souls connected, it felt like the earth shifted around us. All evening while she’d been gone, the earth was off its axis but now that Y/N was in my arms again, all was right in our universe.

“Angel,” I brushed away the hair from her face. “Are you alright?”

She nodded, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and she slipped her shivering hands underneath my shirt to claw at the skin of my back.

“I am so fucking sorry for walking out like that. We promised each other we wouldn’t, we would talk about things, but I broke that promise and I’m so sorry. I couldn’t keep trying, I felt like I was failing everyone, especially myself. I-I-couldn’t do it anymore.”

“It’s okay, angel. Just breathe. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’ve got you now. You’re back. You came back,” I assured her while cupping her cheeks.

Those eyes I loved so much were wet with tears as her bottom lip trembled with her sobs.

“I’ll always come back to you, Noah. Always,” she vowed with a graze of her lips across my jaw.

Reluctantly, I let her slip from my embrace to allow Chase and Malcolm to check her over while I brought Jesse and Michael in for a tight hug, thanking them for bringing her back to me. Soon, the four of them left, leaving Y/N and I alone with Kuma who continued to paw at her leg.

“He was worried too,” I motioned to the dog.

She bent low to her knees to scoop up Kuma, holding his warmth to her chest. “I’m sorry I scared you sweet baby. I’m sure Noah took good care of you.”

While she didn’t change her mind about taking the dog to the shelter once we leave, it still warmed my heart to see that she was now warming up to Kuma.

Speaking of warming up.

“Let’s go take a shower before we both get sick,” I said while linking fingers with her to lead her to the bathroom.

“I should clean up the glass,” she sighed as we stepped through the door of the bedroom but was shocked to see it already clean.

“Chase,” I informed. “It helped him to keep his mind focused on something other than where you were.”

She hummed while resting her chin on my bicep to gaze up at me. “I scared all of you, huh?”

I brushed a kiss across her forehead. “All that matters is that you’re back, angel.”

While the shower warmed up, steam slowly filling up the small space, I helped Y/N out of her clothes as it clung to her like a second skin and she did the same for me. Her nails dragged over the tattoos on my chest, down my abdomen, over to my arms and I shivered under her caress. When I took a hold of her hands, I frowned seeing the dirt under her nails and the scabbed over cuts along her knuckles.

Not saying a word, I placed my hands on her hips and brought her into the shower with me. The warm water immediately ease away the chill that hung to our bones as I switched out positions so Y/N was directly underneath the spray. Her head tilted back, exposing her neck to me, and she let out a soft moan; the noise causing my cock to twitch. I ignored the fire burning in my gut though to reach beside Y/N and grabbed her shampoo bottle.

My fingers worked the shampoo through the dark strands of her hair, working out whatever knots she received from the rain. She hummed as I massaged her scalp and kept her hands low on my hips, bringing us closer together. The only sounds were the water running over our bodies, down to the drain beneath our feet, and her soft giggles as I dragged my fingers down over her neck. Reaching up now, I pulled the shower head off of its hook and tilted her head back a bit further so I could rinse all of the soap out of her hair. As the conditioner sat for a few minutes longer than the shampoo did, I quickly stepped out of the shower to rummage around in the drawers of the vanity, water droplets splashing to the tiled floor.

“Mochi! You’re getting water all over the floor!”

Ignoring her scolding, I stood back in the shower and held her hand in one of mine, the other with a grip on a pointed nail file.

“Oh, a manicure?” She teased.

Giving her a playful glare, I began using the sharp end of the file to dig out the dirt underneath her nails as she stood there, watching. I didn’t need her to tell me what happened as I had a pretty good guess.

Once the dirt was clean from her nails, I set the file down on the shelf in the shower and went about rinsing the conditioner from her hair before washing her body, taking my time around her most sensitive parts. As much as I wanted to feel her body against mine in that way, it wasn't needed tonight. We needed to come together in a different way.

After Y/N was clean, she motioned for me to switch with her and now it was her turn to wash me. Although, watching as she tried to reach for my hair with soap all over her hands was a cute sight so I got on my knees, eye level with her stomach. While she washed my hair, I dragged a hand up and down her thigh, feeling the skin prickle from my touch.

“You need a haircut,” she noted.

I hummed in agreement, the noise rumbling in my chest, and I peered up at her. “It’s almost back to the wolf cut length.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Y/N shrugged while rinsing the conditioner from my hair and tapped my shoulder so I could rise to my feet.

While resting on one knee, I paused for a moment as the now lukewarm water ran down both of us, and took in the sight of her. What used to be broken and dull had drastically changed in a matter of minutes. Thoughts of our redo date came fluttering to the forefront of my mind as I remained on one knee, the question I’d be desperate to ask weighing heavy on my tongue now. But internally I shook my head, knowing that it wasn’t the right time. It would have to wait until I received a sign.

Instead, I pushed myself up to my feet so Y/N could wash my body and as her hand grazed over my cock, I let my forehead fall to her shoulder. It had been so long since she touched me like this, the moment earlier today nothing compared to now. Earlier it was distressed but now, her touch was fuelled with the need to feel me against her; prove to her that her soul wasn’t dead inside.

“Y/N,” I panted when her fingers wrapped around me, pumping my cock slowly. “I-shit.”

I craved her like an addiction and I was ready to let go, allowing us to fall together as we always did. Only we were interrupted by rapid barking and scratching at the bathroom door, causing Y/N to shake with laughter.

“Kuma probably needs dinner,” I grumbled.

“Dinner actually sounds good right now. I’m starving,” Y/N pressed a kiss to my lips, one I wasn’t quite ready to let go of yet.

Brushing my tongue along her bottom lip, I devoured them with my own starvation. Her hands linked behind my necks and she stood on her toes to lean into me even more. Everything around us fell away and my heart beat was almost non existence as it was whenever we kissed. I found myself becoming lost in her aura, dragged deep within the depths exactly like the moment our fates were sealed that very first time our eyes locked.

I kept reaching for her, any inch of skin my nails could dig into to bring her closer to me. I needed to feel her heart against mine, syncing our heartbeats together, and she moaned into the kiss, it quickly being swallowed by my tongue.

“I love you,” I breathed as we pulled away.

Y/N pulled me in for another kiss, almost as if it was breathing life back into her and she needed more. Her lips captured the water hanging on my bottom lip and I nearly folded in her embrace.

“I love you too, Noah. I’m sorry my grief caused me to pull away from you. You didn’t deserve that side of me,” her voice quavered.

I twirled her hair between my fingers with a small smile. “What is grief if not love persevering.”

READER

Blowing my nose into the Kleenex, I wrapped my dad’s cardigan closer to my body as I dragged my slippers down the long hallway back towards the kitchen where I heard Noah rummaging around in the cupboards, most likely feeding Kuma.

“Hi sweet boy,” I murmured while reaching down and petting him between the ears.

“Hi yourself,” Noah smirked before setting the full bowl in front of Kuma.

When he noticed the sweater, he raised a brow and I shrugged. “It’s my dad’s. It still smells like him.”

With a kiss to the side of my head, Noah then motioned to the couch in the living room. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Actually,” I nibbled on my lips, trying to find the courage to do something that had been plaguing me the second we stepped foot into my dads house all those days ago. “I want to read my dad’s letter. I think we both should read them, if you want to.”

Noah paused, wiping down the counter, mere inches from the two letters that remained untouched, and his face gave nothing away. It made me nervous that I might have pushed something on him that he wasn’t ready for. I know it surprised both of us that my dad left a letter to not only me, but Noah as well.

“Should we read them together?” He tentatively reached for the letters and handed mine toward me.

Holding it close to my chest, I nodded back down the hallway. “I think-I think I’m going to read it in my dad’s room.”

Something flickered in his eyes as he tapped his letter on the inside of his hand. “Whatever you want, angel.”

After leaving him and Kuma together on the couch, I stood outside the door to my fathers room and with a few deep breaths, I gripped the handle and slowly pushed it open. The room was cloaked in darkness, the moonlight barely breaking through the curtains that covered both sets of windows, so I clicked on the light. I blinked a few times before taking in the sight of his room. It was exactly how I remembered it from the last time I visited him; even his bed was made and untouched. Until I slipped underneath the blankets, his scent wrapping around me in a tight embrace.

Taking a deep breath, I opened up the envelope to pull out the letter, my dad’s familiar hand writing drawing a choked sob from my lips. There’d been a reason why I’d been putting off reading the letter because it meant that he was actually gone. But now, I needed to know what he said.

Buttercup,

If you’re reading this it means that I’m gone. I am so sorry you had to find out this way that I was sick but I didn’t want you to worry about me. Your life is flourishing with Hollow Souls and Noah, the last thing you needed was to worry. I am so proud of the woman you’ve grown into even if I did have to watch from afar after the divorce. Please know I never held your choice of staying with your mother against you. I understood why you felt the need too but I am glad that you still kept your relationship with me. You will forever be my little girl. My buttercup.

Speaking of relationships, make sure to hold that Noah boy close because from what I’ve seen and heard, he loves you very much. You need someone in your life that will take care of you and will cherish all the moments you two share. I knew from the moment I saw that video of you two performing on stage together a couple years ago that he was in love with you. He’s a good man, buttercup. Don’t let him go.

Although, I am still shocked about Chase and Malcolm. Were they together when you visited last? All is well, I suppose. Good for them.

Now, if you’re in my house reading this, that means you’ve met Kuma. He’s a three month old Akita puppy and shouldn’t grow to be more than 40 lbs, at least that's what the guy at the shelter told me. I adopted him as a way to celebrate beating cancer the first time around but now that it’s back and spread to seventy percent of my body, I think it’s best if Kuma goes home with you and Noah. Hopefully he won't be too much of a nuisance to Salem but I have a feeling they’ll get along well.

Please don’t let the grief of my passing overcome you, buttercup. Don’t let the anger consume you to do something drastic. Your heart is too pure for that. Lean on others as they are there to help you. Remember me in the way I would sit in the chair in the living room, my glasses nearly falling off my nose, as I buried it into a book. Or the time we went to that manga shop down the road and you swore one of the characters looked like Noah, if he had his hair that length. Although, now I bet he does since his hair is shorter than the last time.

Does that length bother him? Or was he able to go on stage all those times with his hair down to his back? Was he not sweating?

Anyway, I’m rambling, even in a letter. But before I end it, I wanted to say how much I love you and will always be proud of you for whatever you accomplish with your life. Hollow Souls has come back from the brink of collapse after you kicked out that asshole, pardon my language, and you’ve proven to everyone that this is your band. This is what you were made for, buttercup. Continue to light up the world around you and don’t let anyone dull your light.

I’ll be with you in spirit, Y/N. Please don’t ever forget that.

Take care of yourself, Kuma, and Noah. Because that man will do whatever it takes to keep you happy. You’re the one for him, buttercup.

I’ll be shining light on your path and remember, it can’t rain all the time.

Love, Dad xx.

My sobs echoed throughout the quiet space of the bedroom as I read the letter again and again, imagining my dad sitting at the desk across from me, pen scratching against paper.

“I miss you so fucking much, dad,” I cried out while holding the paper against my chest.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed or if Noah was finished reading his letter because as I lay under the covers of my dad’s bed, I let the familiar feeling of his spirit around me lull me into a much needed slumber that was long overdue.

NOAH

As I lay on the couch with Kuma snoring next to me, I scratched at his belly with one hand while the other worked out a text message to Jesse and Michael.

To Roommates:

Me: I hope you guys know Kuma is coming home with us.

Michael: We had a feeling so we sent Tay out to pick up whatever things you guys would need.

Jesse: My girlfriend was very excited to go shopping for not only Kuma but Salem as well. I guess she bought him a lot of toys and maybe a cat condo that I have no idea where we’re going to go with it.

I chuckled at the picture Jesse sent next of Salem on top of the new cat condo that stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room.

Me: I never thought I’d miss Salem this much.

Michael: Honestly, me too.

Jesse: How’s Y/N?

Me: Good, really good. She fell asleep in her dad’s bed. I peaked in on her a bit ago. I’m going to let her sleep there tonight. We’ve got a long day tomorrow of packing up her fathers stuff and shipping out what we're bringing back while we sell the rest along with the house.

We chatted for a few more minutes before I decided that it was now time for me to read the letter. Setting my phone to the side of the couch, I fiddled with the envelope in my hands. While I had a feeling my letter would drastically be different than Y/N’s, part of me feared what it said.

Unbeknownst to her, I actually reached out to her dad a couple of weeks ago but was only met with his voicemail where I left my question. I hated it that it had to be done that way, but there was no other choice.

As I ripped open the envelope, my phone buzzed next to me with a notification of a new email; one I didn’t read the name of. But it flashed brightly in the somewhat darkened room, the name almost urging me to look. With the now open letter in my hand, the familiar name continued to flash on my phone.

Keaton.

But it was the four simple words written on the piece of paper that held my attention, making my heart soar into my throat, causing me to nearly fall off of the couch. The two signs I'd been desperate for finally showcasing themselves.

You have my blessing.

#tina talks #noah sebastian #bad omens #just pretend noah sebastian #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fics #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian angst #noah sebastian x reader #mochi and angel #angel and mochi

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ms-demeanor · 1 year

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i really liked OJST in the mid-2010s but i didn’t stop reading cause of the cuck comic - wasn’t there also a comic erika moen wrote about (functionally) harassing lesbians with her now-husband?

In the mid 2010s closet-keys criticized one of Erika Moen's early diary comics and described Erika Moen as "Reassuring a cishet partner that it’s totally okay to use hate speech towards wlw at Pride" and condoning the harassment and fetishization of lesbians because of a 2007 comic that she had made as part of a webcomic she had written about gender and her interactions with her queerness.

The hate speech in question is the partner asking "are you sure you want to hold my hand with all these dykes around?" while they are pretty clearly at a Dyke Day event during pride, and the reassurance that 'it's totally okay to use hate speech toward wlw' is Erika responding "sweetie, I'm proud to be with you."

The comic is still up with a disclaimer that it was written at a different time, and I know that's probably not going to fly with a lot of people but if you were a bi woman in the early to mid 2000s it was pretty common to use statements like "lol yeah i'm into women my boyfriend is fine with it as long as I take pictures" to diffuse the biphobia from straight people AND to say shit like "I'm not a party bi, I actually love pussy, thanks" to diffuse the biphobia from queer people. (if you were a bi guy in the early to mid 2000s i'm sorry and I'm sorry now because we got LUG but that mostly went away and you *still* have to deal with the "gay in waiting" bullshit).

That comic ends with Erika and her partner looking at a woman and saying "I'd totally do her" while the woman thinks "pigs" and if you think that means that they literally sat on the street and vocally commented about lesbians passing by them or that they condone harassing lesbians (in, I cannot stress this enough, a diary comic written by someone in their early twenties who is realizing they are occasionally interested in some men some of the time after identifying as a lesbian their whole life), then I'm gonna go ahead and recommend signing up for some variety or other of literary analysis class. Do we think that Erika is seriously implying that she is going to make her boyfriend gay if she fucks him in this comic from a year later?

If this comic bothers you and you see it as a straight-passing couple giving the go-ahead to harass lesbians, you do you, I'm not saying you have to read the comic or enjoy Erika Moen.

I am saying it's a bit of a stretch, though, and certainly the least charitable explanation possible, and that we should probably give people some space to say awkward things about their sexuality and to make missteps when discussing it in their early twenties and not call them lesbophobic fifteen years after the fact for a college comic.

Moen also gets called transphobic because she has described trans men as adorable/cute in a way that could be read as patronizing in one comic and because she made a comic about wearing a packer for fun and for sexual gratification with her cis male partner as a cis woman.

Appropriately, all of these things feel very "late twenty teens tumblr callout post."

If it bugs you, you don't have to read the comics but I've talked about Moen before and I've gotten the anons in my inbox calling me lesbophobic for recommending her comic when in 2007 she made a comic about catcalling lesbians and condoning street harassment.

Which is frustrating because Erika Moen writes a comic about sex toys that has incredible body and gender diversity and is interested in making sure that people of all sexualities are having safe, enjoyable sex and talking openly about it. This is Rebecca Sugar condones war crimes level discourse over a creator who makes a genuinely good comic and gets dismissed as cringe by people who hate open discussions of sex and gets dismissed as a bigot (in ways that I think are incredibly unfair given the vast majority of her work) among people who *claim* to love open discussions of sex but who *actually* love witch hunts.

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whatbigotspost · 4 months

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I’m gonna start coining tumblr specific cognitive biases and logical fallacy terms…here’s the first ones I’ve theorized so far. (I’m using “actor” here meaning “the person, acting out the fallacy or bias for us all to see.”)

1. The unique contribution fallacy—reading a post of over 10k notes and the actor thinks of something they surmise is very clever to add. The actor imagines themselves to be the first special unique soul to contribute this add, when OP has actually received this “clever” comment 5000 times of those 10,000 notes driving OP up the wall.

2. The whataboutism bias— reading a post on any given particular topic, and believing that OP should say every single thing that you could possibly say about that topic under said single post. The actor doesn’t know they have a personal agenda on the topic and expects OP would have that same bias to talk about the side of the given topic that correlates to the actor’s personal bias, instead of allowing OP to be somebody who just writes what they wanted to write. This often works in tandem with…

3. The TLDR bias— seeing a post that is actually extremely long and thoroughly well written, often times with sources, numerous added threads of detail etc. but the actor doesn’t actually read the content of the FULL post. Then, in reblogging it or commenting on it, “adding” something that OP definitely originally said, and revealing oneself as somebody who doesn’t even read the detailed things that they re-blog or add on comments about.

3. The literal URL fallacy— not understanding the total chaos that is the Tumblr URL, in this fallacy the actor thinks that someone’s username is ALWAYS telling you exactly what the content of their blog might be. I’ll illustrate this one in like a totally random example way… Let’s say that you hypothetically made a blog that was all about calling out bigots back in the days of yore, the early twenty teens. And yet somehow, despite the fact that every other user around you seems to not be taken literally by their URLs, the actor decides that everything that you post is therefore bigotry…….even if what you’re posting is your own original content that you’re writing, calling out bigots. Too bad, so sad! Because in this fallacy, the actor is going to see you as what your URL says, literally, always.

4. The missed URL fallacy— this of course is the exact opposite of number three. It is where a blog has a very particular theme and format to it, that is the most important thing you can notice to understand the context of a post. So, again, just a random example here… But let’s just say that the intent of a blog is to always post submitted weird ass dreams people had, but the actor doesn’t realize this in their relogging and thinks that somebody is reporting a real life situation that was definitely, very specifically a wild fever dream.

5. The throw the baby out with the bathwater bias— a fan favorite among left leaning and social justice corners of the site, this bias is when the actor reads a post where somebody doesn’t use the most optimal, virtue signaling language for them personally, so the actor ignores the whole entire point of the post. It could be something as serious as and attention demanding as genocide, but somebody uses a word like “crazy” or “stupid” or “bitch” in it and so the actor’s worldview and general proclaimed values are casually tossed aside because the language that was used to deliver it was not “perfect.”

6. The choose your own reality bias—The actor reads a post and reblogs it, adding commentary that is responding to things that are definitely not said in the original post and definitely not anything in the realm of what OP was talking about. Close cousin to…

7. The this is definitely about me/self-own fallacy— this one is actually one of my favorites to spot out in the wild because it is SUCH a tell. It is like a slightly more specific version of the “choose your own reality bias” but this is when the actor reads a post and blogs it, adding commentary that is responding to things that are definitely not said in the original post as if OP is talking about them personally, and therefore revealing themselves as potentially shady or suspect in someway because why did they make it about them, if it’s not about them, you know?

8. The zombie post fallacy—in this one, the actor most likely does not have time stamps enabled on their dash because that isn’t something that happens here by default, and this site has a higher presence of zombie posts (by the way its designed and how it functions) than any other social media site I know. So when a zombie post from 2011 shambles across their dash in 2024, they react to that content as if it is completely new and relevant information or news or a situation to be dealt with in the modern era.

What needs added?

#tumblr shit #cognitive bias #logical fallacies #this is part joke part real 😂

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envy-of-the-apple · 5 months

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Do you or your followers have any recommendations for some good SatoSugu x Reader fics here on tumblr or ao3? It feels like I've read all the good ones out there (yours included, which are all amazing btw 💕) but maybe there are a few that have slipped under my radar and escaped my notice. lol

idk that many either! ik i rave about satosugu poly fics buuuut i don't read that many! its mainly cuz there's not a long which is a little surprising!

but here are my favs! (if anyone else wants to add on pls pls do so!)

Like Hoarded Gold (Dark) - @inorganicone2230

Dark! Satosugu, where they manipulate the MC and isolate the MC into basically relying on them for everything. It's hilarious because the satosugu have healthy boundaries with each other but they are totally fine with manipulating and gaslighting the mc into staying with them. It's super dark, creepy, and just overall amazing!!!

Obsessed (Dark) - @kkatsukiswife

okay fine not technically satosugu buuuut it's so so good so pls read!!! it's fem!gojo dark sapphic fic so you know its amazing. basically the mc is fem!suguru's ex and satoru gets jealous cuz of how perfect the mc is but then ends up obsessing over the mc too. so ig it kinda counts as satosugu cuz suguru and the mc used to date!

Welcome Home - NovaRising

satosugu +sukuna but still counts imo. mc grandfather passes away so they go back to Japan only to realize three strangers are living in their grandfathers house. Super super good! I know it's technically not completed buuuut imo the story is perfect as it is!

Surprise! - @thee-horny-thicky

amazing!!!! i love it so so much!!! mc is suguru's gf but they both go back to visit satoru in japan and things escalate from there. And the author did mention that more satosugu threesome fics were being planned so lets cross our fingers!!!!!

Nurture(Dark) - @yandere-daydreams

There is a first part, but its satoru-centric. The story is told in alternating flashbacks where suguru is the mc's past and satoru is the mc's present (for now). I especially love it cuz the mc is older (like mid-thirties). it's so refreshing cuz typically the mc is always like late teens and early twenties. This fic actually inspired Monsoon! I totally forgot to add that in the a/n

honorable mentions

Stuck in Jogo's body - 2BeorNot2Be

once again not a satosugu fic but this is so underrated despite the amazing idea??? its exactly what it sounds, reader swaps bodies with jogo and has to pair up with gojo to figure out how to undo the swap. it's so amazing pls go read I'm begging you!!!!!

#yandere #yandere jjk #dark jjk #fic recs

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menlove · 5 months

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[image id: an ask from @harbingerofskulls that reads: "im gonna b real i only knew the jerking off i would love to hear you elaborate more if you want to go on the whole situation" /end id]

answering here so i can save as a draft without risking the ask disappearing bc tumblr's been doing that lately but

oh god </3 for everyone else- it's talking about this post. sooo i'm gonna go through each one bc i've been feeling insane for several weeks. i'll do my best to cite my sources lmao

i don't know (johnny johnny)

this is referring to this unreleased VERY early beatles track from 1960. the audio quality is absolute shit & as such unfortunately people love to put words to it that don't make much sense in either direction (i.e a lot of mclennon fans want to hear "you're in love with me" and a lot of people that hate mclennon will just make up the weirdest lyrics that make 0 sense so it's Not Gay). some of the lyrics that ARE clear make it obvious this song is about the two of them running away together- at one point i'm fairly certain paul says "how am i gonna tell my father that we're leaving town?" probably referring to them leaving to hamburg. which would be fine but some of the other lyrics areeeee..... very..... Hm. like multiple times paul refers to john as "my boy" and there's bits of them talking about not knowing what to tell their friends & wanting to just run off together alone. if i were the other members of the band having to record this i would have killed them with hammers <3 also the entire end is just paul going "oh johnny" like 1 million times. okay. sure. also since the lyrics ARE so garbled i mean i guess people could be right about it saying "how am i gonna tell my father you're in love with me" but i just don't hear it. still, a very gay song about running off together and getting away from everything and everyone, complete with moaning the other's name </3

2. paris

this one is a huge part of McLennon Fandom Lore lmao but for good reason. not citing sources on all this bc it's one of those that's just Fact & can be found in like any beatles biography or thebeatlesbible.com (my savior) but. for john's 21st birthday, he got 100 pounds from a rich relative. instead of taking his girlfriend or any of his other friends, he decided to use the money to take paul to spain. but they stopped in paris on the way and just decided to stay there. which i mean like. taking your best friend over your girlfriend to the city of love is a little weird but it's not THAT weird. it's everything else that makes people want to chew glass about it. including some of the other things on this list. like this audio of john just goofing around singing about paris and paul, with such hits as "my cheri, my pau pau my pau paul." which is :| okay best friend. and paul has this picture hung up in his house that he took of john sleeping in paris. okay. sure. why not. (although ig there's some doubt about if the photo is from paris? either way it's a picture paul took and has framed in his house which is incriminating enough my man). also NOT in the original post but may pang, a woman john had a brief affair with in the 70s, wrote a book called loving john. in it, there's this quote:

After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.”

okay! also in an interview once he said:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing.

(interview with david scheff for playboy in september 1980)

3. if i fell

this one i already made an insane post on that started my spiral into posting about the beatles publicly </3 but, essentially, the song "if i fell" by john is..... well it's most likely about paul. he said it wasn't about his wife but that it was auto-biographical and he never really had any public affairs that weren't flings, certainly not a lover. but most damning is he wrote the complete lyrics for the first time on a valentine's day card addressed "to paul with love" with some hearts and arrows pointing to where the lyrics were written. absolutely insane. made me insane.

4. oh! darling

rawest paul song of all time if i do say so myself lmao. but it's just.... Highly Suspicious, that's what it is. a Lot of beatles fans/historians will admit this song is most likely about john but they won't admit that it's fucking romantic if it is. like.

like that is so blatantly romantic idk what to say other than that. also, in the official recording on abbey road, there's Several points where paul says "darling" that sound more like he's saying "johnny" which is what he called him. people brush it off by saying it's his accent, but there's a very clear difference between when he's saying "darling" and when he's saying "johnny". i mean the Lore behind this is that it was written right when things were splitting up between them (& the rest of the band) so it makes sense and it's why most people are willing to accept it's about john. it's just insane to me that they'll accept it's about john without considering the implications of that.

5. the real life demo

this one made me want to light myself on fire i won't lie to you. but here it is! john had a song called "real love" and this is a very early demo of it. but instead of the lyrics that came to actually be in the song (which are thought to be about yoko but let's not get into the fact that it was on a tape labeled "for paul" but whatever), it includes john fucking crying as he sings saying:

"was i just dreaming or was it only yesterday? i used to hold you in my arms. and now a baby and another on the way... la la la la farm..."

which can quite literally be about no one else but paul, as this demo was recorded when he'd just had two children with his wife linda and linda was pregnant with their third child. they'd moved to a farm in scotland. hearing this audio clip did genuinely make me want to lie down in the dirt for a week. also "i used to hold you in my arms" just... yeah. god. when people think it was unrequited idk what to say, really.

6. If Paul Were A Woman-

shoving these two together but. in april of 85, paul said in an interview about john and yoko's relationship:

"I mean, I couldn’t stand in the way of someone who’d fallen in love. You can’t say, 'Who’s this?' You can’t really do that. If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and…"

okay bestie <3 and what would make your relationship different if you were a woman? interesting! and yoko had something similar to say. in this audio, she says:

"I’m sure that if he had been a woman or something, he would have been a great threat – because there’s something definitely very strong between John and Paul."

just reminds me of being a kid and telling my best friends "if i were a boy i'd date you" lol. incredible. does anyone here know about bisexuality.

7. stuart!

not much to say here except that john had a best friend, stu sutcliffe, who died young & before that had been the bassist in the band. paul fucking hated him sooo much oh he SEETHED. a lot has been written on that relationship but it was.... very interesting to say the least. it could have just been about the band, or just jealousy over john's friendship, but take that with a lot of john biographers suspecting john had feelings/even a sexual relationship with stuart and it paints a very Interesting picture to say the least

8. john's bisexuality

here's a compilation of quotes about it, but john was more than likely bisexual. which has nothing to do w paul, really, but more to do against people that like to claim they were both Heterosexual Men. although an interesting quote in this compilation is him saying he's "had paul" lmfao

9. paul's post-beatles work

there's just.... there is so so so much here i don't even know where to begin. @ringompreg has a good compilation of paul songs here. a lot of them do take a bit of Lore but like..... it comes down to the fact that both him and john have/had admitted many times to using their lyrics during The Breakup Years to talk to/reference each other and sooooo many of these lyrics are insanely blatant. the two i mentioned were tug of war and let me roll it, both of which are acknowledged to be about john by most people WITH NO ONE BOTHERING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT which..... tug of war has this:

we could stand on top of the mountain with our flag unfurled? dancing to a beat played on a different drum? this is what gaylors think gaylor conspiracy is but paul mccartney is really out here saying this shit.

and let me roll it is so fucking blatantly romantic but every reviewer is like haha! what a cool song that's "making fun" of john and clearly in his style! like are straight people stupid genuinely. anyway:

bonus to that but about JOHN'S solo work :)))))) he wrote a song called "watching the wheels" and when you consider he very much responded to MANY of paul's solo stuff it's :)

which as a response to let me roll it would just be... so devestating but it may be a stretch idk if i'm onto anything there it's just worth Mentioning

and there's a lot of others, a lot of them in that post up there. like far too many where paul mentions falling in love with a friend like Alright.

10. paul's first lsd trip with john/"i know" "i know"

this one is less blatantly romantic but it is just insane. here's an article. and a quote from george martin about it. the first time paul tripped on acid w john was bc john accidentally took some and he took him home & then took acid w him bc he didn't want john to be alone on the trip :( but, notably:

"And we looked into each other’s eyes, the eye contact thing we used to do, which is fairly mind-boggling. You dissolve into each other. But that’s what we did, round about that time, that’s what we did a lot," the singer recalled, "And it was amazing. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you would want to look away, but you wouldn’t, and you could see yourself in the other person. It was a very freaky experience and I was totally blown away."

he also apparently saw john as the, and i quote, "emperor of eternity" during this trip??????? okay

SOMEWHERE i can't find it rn and i'm getting lazy but somewhere they (i think paul?) talk about the fact that they used to just stare into each other's eyes and then say "i know" "i know" which. considering john's song "i know (i know)" makes me crazy

11. in my life/i will

these are really just some devastating songs with lyrics that make you really raise your eyebrows. for in my life, written by john, it's just an incredibly romantic & sweet song that is again, not about his wife. given that the lennon estate is still out here posting pictures of paul to those lyrics i have to say it's a liiiiittle suspicious. and i will is...... it's one that paul insists is not about his girlfriend at the time, jane asher. and when you look at the lyrics vs how him and john met.... like. the song goes:

and the story of how they met was that paul saw john repeatedly before they ever met, when he didn't know who john was other than that he thought he looked cool & admired his sideburns (lmfao). and when they did finally meet, it was when john was singing at a garden fete (party) and paul was in the crowd just Mesmerized. so. well. you can see.... you can see how fitting that is. makes me crazy makes me want to chew glass actually

12. "we were each other's intimates" and other insane quotes

"we were each other's intimates" is a paul quote about john which is just insane but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. here's a ton of quote compilations.

13. "literally everything else"/honorable mentions

some honorable mentions go out to: john going on stage w elton john & playing i saw her standing there and introducing it as "a song by an estranged fiance of mine" okay! the "just like starting over" demos. okay! which isn't even to MENTION the fact that paul locked himself away in the studio listening to "just like starting over" on repeat for DAYS after john died like???? john saying repeatedly that he considered paul & yoko to be his two major partners in life including in an interview the literal day he died. a whole ass rpf movie where they kiss & talk like they're ex-lovers and dance in central park (two of us) made by the same dude that made the let it be movie like. he knew them personally? he worked with them closely? and the only thing paul had to say about it was just essentially that it was what he wished would've happened like???????? i can't find a super reliable source for this so take it w a grain of salt, but apparently paul referred to mclennon fanfiction as "beautiful stories" and doesn't mind them being written. paul also had a cat that had kittens & he named two of the kittens pyramus and thisbe after fictional lovers he and john played and he gave pyramus (the character paul played) to john :|

and literally so much else like all of this and it's not even all of it. it's not even close to all of it. i didn't even get to talk about the way in "get back" the documentary, paul started talking about john leaving the band for yoko and how john would choose her over them and then he got teary eyed, started choke laughing, and then started singing "build me up buttercup" before looking at the cameras and stopping. what the FUCK was that about! IT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE SONG "TWO OF US" THAT'S SO OBVIOUSLY ABOUT JOHN THAT IT HURTS. it's. it's not even scratching the surface. they were just genuinely insane about each other.

#mclennon #this is long but it had to be to expand on every reference i made in that post FJADJFASDF

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reallyromealone · 2 years

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Here was the original plot. Alpha

Shinchiro is to takes over and becomes an Emperor as he enters his early twenties because his parents were assassinated and his grandfather is to old to rule anymore. He manages to take very good care of the kingdom while also having time for his half siblings and full related brother mikey who is just a pup. Everything is going fine until mikey's wet nurse tries to kill him but is lucky caught before she can pull it off and is immediately dealt with.

Now Shinchiro is in a pickle. Mikey needs to nurse but he doesn't trust any omega to do it, that's until he meets name.

The man is an unmated omega who works as a gardener in the palace grounds and he offers to help because the sound of mikey's distressed cries caused him to lactate.

Shinchiro is about to refuse but something strange happens.

Mikey stops crying at the sight of the man and even tried to reach out for the omega to carry him, something he does only to family members, heck the pup was even fussy around his former wet nurse before she decided to fuck up.

Seeing no better option the Emperor agrees and let's name be his brother's wet nurse for the time being.

He begins to notice just how kind the man is, especially when he takes care of his siblings and the young toddlers and pup just absolutely love the man to bits. He finds himself beginning to begrudgingly fall for the pretty man, even starts to lust over him, becomes possessive by scaring off any alpha or beta trying to court him in secret. He tries to keep his composure in check but loses it when name accidentally goes in early heat when he's with the Emperor alone in his study.

Hope tumblr doesn't eat this one

@pastel-omegas-blog

So Emma's gonna be a year older than Mikey in this

I changed a few details to make more sense and heads up

This is long

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Shinichiro didn't want to be emperor like this.

It was the morning of his twentieth birthday, little Mikey having been only a few weeks old when things went to hell.

His parents were set to return from business this afternoon to celebrate when their carriages were...attacked.

So now here was emperor Shinchiro Sano, grandfather too old to rule and a baby brother who depended on him.

Izana didn't fully understand what happened, only being three and a half.

Emma even less so.

Despite the kingdom in mourning over the loss of their beloved ruler, Shinchiro pushed on and took the torch.

He was unsurprisingly an excellent ruler, having been groomed for this his entire life.

Things were going smoothly till Mikey's wet nurse was dragged before him.

"We saw her with a blade above the prince, your Highness!" One of the guards said as the woman struggled to get free, Shinichiro stared at her coldly.

"You tried to kill him?"

"P-please your Highness have mercy!"

"Mercy? You just tried to kill my baby brother..." Shinichiro seethed "take her to the dungeons, her trial will be tomorrow"

Shinichiro immediately rushed to check on Mikey who was sleeping happily, the medics having checked on him.

"Shin! Play with us!" Izana said excitedly, completely unaware of what just went down as Emma held her big brothers hand as they stared at shinichiro with wide eyes.

"Jiros awake?!" Izana said as shinichiro crouched "yeah, he's awake but remember indoor voices, his ears are still little" shinichiro said as the two looked at their baby brother curiously.

Shinichiro let his siblings take him to one of the palaces many gardens "(name) gonna be here?" Emma asked Izana and Shinichiro looked at the two confused "whose (name)?" Instantly suspicious and it didn't help at what just happened less than two hours ago.

He was on high alert currently.

"The gardener! He taught us how to make flower crowns when he was eating his lunch!" Izana boasted as they spotted (name) currently spot cleaning the impeccable rose bushes and getting rid of any pesky weeds.

Shinichiro knew of this Gardener, he was one of the few omegas that weren't a maid or Butler.

The two children immediately ran towards him and (name) had to halt them "remember the rules?" He said firmly and the two pouted "no muddy shoes or Mr. (Nanny) has to give us baths" "exactly, now what can I do you two for?"

"Come meet our brother!" Izana demanded and (name) looked up to see Emperor Shinichiro himself standing there with a tiny babe in his arms, staring at (name) coldly "your Highness!" (Name) immediately bowed before the emperor, the two toddlers confused at the sudden shift.

"Thank you for being attentive to my siblings" Shinichiro said stiffly as (name) avoided eye contact with the emperor, knowing his feelings towards omegas and honestly (name) couldn't blame him.

"(Name)! You should make shin a flower crown since he's emberer!" Izana said excitedly and Emma perked up "Yeah!" And (name) just wanted to die right there.

Then little Mikey began crying.

"Shhshh" shinichiro tried soothing the babe and (name) struggled with his instincts.

You see, he spends a lot of time with the royal pups and Because of this, his bodies biology thought there were babies needing to be fed, thus his chest began producing milk.

And crying pups? Basically opened the floodgates.

Shinichiro noticed this and looked at (name) confused and a little startled.

Then Manjiro reached towards the gardener needily.

He had never done that.

Well not with anyone outside family.

"Y-your highness, I am most definitely overstepping but do you want me to feed him?"

Shinichiro really wanted to say no but he didn't want his brother to starve so begrudgingly he sat on a stone bench and motioned (name) to sit beside him "anything happens to him I will have you beheaded" shinichiro said coldly as (name) unbuttoned his shirt "understood, your Highness" (name) said gently taking the tiny pup who immediately latched on and ate vigorously.

"Are you with child?" Shinichiro asked confused as the two other pups chased a butterfly, leaving the adults to converse.

"Ah no, you see..." (Name) explained how the whole lactation thing happened and Shinchiro nodded in understanding as (name) gently burped baby Manjiro "so brave, you did so good!" (Name) said softly as he handed the babe back but Manjiro wasn't ready to leave the embrace of the Omega much to both of their surprise.

"Continue holding him, he seems to like you" shinichiro commanded and (name) did, holding the royal pup close to his chest.

Shinichiro debated in his head and after realizing he has no better options he came to a begrudging acceptance "I want you to be the pups full time nanny and wet nurse"

(Name) looked shocked and confused "I don't know if I would be qualified your Highness.."

"My siblings seem to take a shining to you and you're the only Omega that wasn't our dam that Manjiro liked" Shinichiro said professionally, eying the omega who smiled down at his brother and the pup looked back happily.

"I will accept, I wouldn't forgive myself if this little angel had to suffer because of me"

Shinichiro made a sound of approval "follow me then, you two!" The tots looked at their brother "come, we have to show your new nanny where he will be staying" the toddlers immediately followed after, shinichiro lifting Emma as Izana held his hand.

(Name) was surprisingly great with the royal pups, attentive and kind and even finding ways to include little Manjiro in their games, the tiny blond just happy to be there really.

Over the months Shinchiro noticed how much the pups genuinely cared for the Omega and vice versa and how kind he was to everyone and everything.

It was mid day when he noticed (name) playing peekaboo with Manjiro as the two pups had their classes with their tutor, little Manjiro squealing when he saw the omegas face again.

Shinichiro wondered how well of a damn he would---

No. Absolutely not.

He was not going to have those thoughts about that Omega.

It was two am, shinichiro lay in his bed unable to sleep as thoughts of the Omega plagued his mind.

The thoughts weren't innocent either, the emperor saw the omegas chest today and it hadn't left his brain once.

It wasn't like (name) was trying to seduce him intentionally either like the last nanny had attempted.

Maybe it was his instincts and seeing the Omega caring for those close to him.

Shinichiro went about his business, pretending he didn't care about the Omega.

But everyone noticed how... possessive he became over the other.

The pups were having a playdate with the Akashi children, Shinichiro giving (name) the day off to spend as he pleases.

(Name) was getting ready to go into town, get some things he needs and see his family when an alpha halted him.

"You're... (Name) right?" The Alpha looked slightly embarrassed as (name) glanced at him "yes? Are you alright?"

The Alpha swooned at his caring nature "I-I was wondering if you wanted to possibly..." The Alpha fumbled with his words and sadly Emperor Shinichiro aka (name)s most begrudgingly down bad alpha heard this interaction and even worse that head knight Wakasa was with him.

The Alpha paled as the two entered the space, (name) bowing politely to both of them calmly "hello your Highness, Sir Wakasa" (name)s voice even as Shinichiro looked at him then at the Alpha "return to your station" and like that the poor alpha scurried off.

"You off to see your family?" Wakasa asked the Omega who beamed "yes! I'm also going to do some light shopping" (name) said softly and shinichiro felt jealousy as how casual the two were together "you two know one another?"

"When he was still the gardener, the knights would bother him by moving the soil for him for extra weight training" wakasa explained knowing of his close friends feelings towards the Omega "honestly at that point I just had them move it for me" (name) jokes with a soft laugh and shinichiro wanted to hear it more.

Shinichiro was never the luckiest with courting, people mainly wanted him for status but (name) just treated him like an employer and sometimes fond acquaintance.

(Name) plagued not only his thoughts but dreams, Shinchiros mind coming up with the raunchiest of scenarios usually involving (name) in various positions doing various acts.

This Omega was going to kill him

(Name) was quiet as he followed shinichiro in the library, it was absolutely massive and filled with various books.

"You want children's books?"

"Yes your Highness, to read to the children and I learned Manjiro enjoys stories... He really likes stories about hero's and dragons" (name) explained and Shinichiro nodded, the other caretakers never made attempts like this with his siblings.

(Name) genuinely cared for the pups, Shinichiro pretended like he didn't see the Omega sneak the pups treats from time to time.

"Well we don't have a shortage of those..." Shinichiro said turning to look at the omega "thank you... For taking such good care of them" shinichiro gently cupped (name)s cheek and traced his thumb over (name)s cheek "I must confess... I have also albeit begrudgingly... Grown quite fond of you myself" shinichiro gently pulled (name) closer to him, (name)s hands on the Emperor's chest "is this why you scared off any person who tried speaking to me?" (Name) joked slightly and Shinichiro looked away embarrassed "you noticed that?"

"You practically attacked them" (name) laughed as he gently moved hair from Shinichiros face only for the emperor to gently kiss the palm of (name)s hand.

Shinichiro didn't realize how many pharamones he was pumping out, wanting to kiss the Omega so badly "I wish to formally court you" Shinichiro stated as he looked deeply into (name)s eyes, the Omega was shocked before mumbling "really?"

"Absolutely..."

"I accept"

Months had passed as they got closer and shinichiro wanted nothing more than to take the Omega and ravish him.

That was until today.

Shinichiro wanted (name)s company that day, the children with grandpa Sano that day so (name) was free for shinichiro to monopolize as he pleased.

The two sat in his office as Shinichiro aggressively did paperwork, pumping out pharamones like a madman "s-shin..." (Name) gasped out, slumped against the ornate couch as the Alpha finally looked up to see that (name) had entered an early heat most likely due to the pharamones.

"(Name)! Are you alright?" He rushed over and checked on his Omega, (name) whining when he touched him "I-I think my heat..."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nest?"

(Name)s room would have been to far, so shinichiro took him to his own where the Omega clung to his bedding "do you want me to leave?"

"Please no... Please stay... I-I feel safe with you"

Shinchiro felt his heart stop "you know what that means right?"

"I trust you..."

The two ended up bonding from that heat, kick-starting their wedding in the process.

Shinichiro was far more openly romantic with his Omega now, showering him with gifts and affection as the pups grew excited that (name) and shinichiro were getting married.

Except little Manjiro.

The five month old baby growled angrily whenever Shin tried to get to his food source and cuddle buddy, the tiny baby snacking at shin if he got to close.

"ABABABA!" Mikey yelled out as shin glared at his brother "he's my mate! I get to hold him too!"

"No!" Mikey yelled angrily and (name) began laughing, that being the babes first word.

"So angry he learned his first word" shinichiro sighed as his brother clung to (name).

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