#varian is the moonstone and is Fucked Up

[aziraphalesbookkeeper]

ok ok ok but hear me out. moonstone varian with venom's tendrils

[crimzon0king]

hi i love pokémon so i mixed my favorite character and pokémon and this is what hapned😱

i have ideas for the other characters but i didn’t feel like drawing them

so i’ll just drop the teams i made up and ummm if u wanna comment on it then do so. im very happy to talk about pokémon. if u have any ideas please say them lol!!!!! i didn’t know what to write for the other characters besides varian 😭

tangled pokémon AU team ideas

varian

he is given a shiny rockruff when he’s young and officially it’s trainer when he turns ten and it’s a lycanroc

ruddiger is a zigzagoon

he gets excited when he finds out rotom exists and disappears for days before coming back with one 💀

gets a golurk after the blizzard, automaton reference!!! uses it to further his insanity😂🙏

post prison arc he gets a silly little magnemite and manufactures a porygon for funsies

doesn’t really battle, is just a silly little chemist who also dabbles in some pokémon science

proficient in pokémon studies, and is only really interested in pokémon that have little information discovered about them(like legendaries) or pokémon related to technology

could PROOOBABLY summon certain legendaries if he really wanted to just saying

rapunzel

pascal is a kecleon

when she is reunited with her family and kingdom one of the first things she is given is a shiny galarian ponyta as a welcoming gift

caught a mimikyu cause she would feel bad for it

hattrem(haha)

solrock cause she is the sun fr

lampent cause lantern reference!! i like to think it came to her after mother gothel died cause lampent like absorbing people's fucking souls apparently 💀

several pokemon come and go just cause they like her, that or she has them at home at her pokemon ranch.

the sundrop and moonstone were probably created centuries ago by both the pokemon solgaleo and lunala's blood or tears during some great battle between them or something (idea from my friend)

it seems like something that would happen in pokemon lol

cassandra

noctowl is owl

got a ceruledge given to her by her father that she raised from a charcadet

got a mudsdale from her dad also

has a galarian farfetch'd

has a alolan marowak

kirlia.

i don’t have anymore ideas after this if u can tell…

lance

he has a gengar

munchlax

thievul

purrloin

eugene

max is a shiny galarian rapidash!!

he has that dunbas looking salandit

a nickit

gets an arcanine after joining the guards

[withered--s0uls]

I was brain rotting ab TTS and Vat7K with a friend after finding their 2 year old Vat7K art lmao.

Now I'm sitting here with the following things.

- a royal varian AU (that might double as a moonstone varian AU)

- A theory ab Varian having some sort of resistance to the sundrop bc the decay incantation only affected him when Zhan Tiri used both the sun drop and moon stone together

- a bunch of silly little Varian hcs both for TTS and Vat7K

- The urge to make an AU/re write of S2 where Varian is with the crew.

- Also a slight S1 re write where Rapunzel actually fucking goes to check on Varian after her parents are safe instead of leaving him hanging but idk if itll be in the same AU as the S2 re write bc this whole checking up might completely stop his villain arc from even happening BUT in both AUs he joins the S2 gang!!!

- a werewolf Varian AU bc like what we know ab the werewolf curse could actually make him vulnerable to it during his plan of taking revenge on the Royal family

- Vat7k AU where Kiera and Catalina join him bc idc they're siblings

[sboochi]

Hello! I adore your recent tangled the series au art with The Big Four!! It makes me so happy that fans are still creating art for this crossover! What are your headcanons for this au?

First of all thank you!! The fandom may be small but it's made of some very stubborn people like me lol

Now for the headcanons! (Long train of thought alert)

The story would follow the plot from Before Ever After and the first episode of the show

Until bam! Jack shows up from a portal and apparently he comes from the future?? Also this is Jack after the events of his movie

People can see him bc magic is a thing here (spoiler: his timeline is the same of Tangled, just a few centuries after) (Merida Raps and Hiccup's are from the exact same time period because Tangled said fuck historical accuracy and so do I)

Merida arrives after running away feom her marriage issue, basically instead of the witch she follows the wisps all the way to Corona

Hiccup is there for some dragon research, set between httyd 1 and 2

(yes I have conflicting feelings about The Hidden World and yes this is a way to cope with said feelings) (same for Brave)

Jack sticks around to find a way home since his apparition involved the black rocks and staying with Raps seems a good way to solve the thing

Hiccup stays to escape from his own chief problems for a while, Merida is just stocked about the adventure

Varian and Hiccup become close after they bond over their wanna-make-dad-proud-but-also-other-people situation and their interest for science. I think Hiccup would be the first to really Listen To Him you know?

Meanwhile Merida finds a mentor and a friend in Cass, they train a lot together and have fun

The Queen for a Day events happen and while Hiccup does follow Varian to his dad, Rapunzel isn't able to and Varian Doesn't Like That. The final episodes of s1 follow this

Except when the path of rocks shows up Cass immediatly goes "ok bye losers I'm gonna get myself some power and prove I matter". She isn't really mad at anyone in particular (ok maybe to her dad) but her actions escalate during s2 and s3

It doesn't help that she kidnaps Toothless to get a ride to the Dark Kingdom, needless to say Hiccup is emotionally destroyed after this (but it's a nice chance for a character arc so he can realize he's worthy even without a dragon!)

Which brings us to s2: this time the party is only made of The Four, Lance and Eugene. Sorry Hookfoot and Shorty

It becomes apparent that Jack has some connection to the rocks, but it's another mystery. Hiccup is Sad. Merida is having the time of her life

S2 finale: we get back Toothless but Merida gets convinced by Cass to get the moonstone shard that Rapunzel broke. Merida accepts to ~change her destiny~ (evil arc? evil arc.)

In all this Eugene is going through his personal Identity Crisis with the Dark Kingdom stuff

This is where I haven't thought about plot: at some point in s3 Merida gets a redemption,

Jack discovers that he owns the moonstone from the future (his present) and fixes his broken stuff (you should buy some glue for that thing Jack). He was sent to the past in case the Past!Moonstone gets destroyed or something. Not cool, Sun and Moon, not cool

After an emotional fight with the Four Cass finally regrets her recent life choices and helps Rapunzel defeat Zan Thiri

Character arcs get resolved, people are happy and can go home and they all lived happily ever after!

[cryptdaii]

Ok if you insist I shall ask more. Tell me about your moon Varian drawing/ ideas.

i thought this day would never come.....

okay okay starting with vat7k tl because there are so many tts timelines i think about and I CANT DECIDE ON ONE

let's begin with var vague backstory <33 varian was born in the dark kingdom with the moon's touch, an unfortunate thing, really. his power is unstable, unpredictable, and has caused harm to those around him on more than one occasion. after a few years of trying to get varian to control it, quirin and ulla seek out donella for help, unable to find a solution by themselves. donnie suggests looking for the eternal library for answers. shocker ulla gone now!! cue varian's future mommy issues

(umm filler filler use ur imagination to think of what happens during tts)

varian eventually somewhat gets his power under control with the help of rapunzel, yippee!! fast forward to start of vat7k. pretty much the same as canon there

pan to hugo, who has grown up with an odd fascination with the moonstone. something about its inexplicable properties catching his attention. donnie learns varian has begun going through the trials, and she tasks hugo with following them around n junk. this time, however, hugo is intrigued by the moonstone, not a promise of riches.

oooooo betrayal oooooo...... varian finds out hugo only wanted him as a test subject, not a person goddamn!! transition to angst or sum but then they all good bc hugo confesses his love or something????

my thoughts are very disorganized so shhh, but i would love love love to hear anyone elses hcs on these too <333

ily thank u for the ask but respectfully i hope no one has to see this i am AN INSECURE FUCK

[roseworth]

Finding out you watched tangled the series sent me into a reblog spree from your tangled tag because I recently finished it for the first time. so now I'm curious give me all of your fix it thoughts on the bad writing

hello im so sorry for ignoring this for so long but i forgor </3 but i love tangled the series so much it just makes me want to rip my skin off because of how much it sucks

the thing is. there is so much potential. if it was just a bad show i wouldnt care but the problem is it could have been such a good show <////3 i love every character and the plot lines were ALMOST there every time and it could have been so good i could fix this fucking show hhghghjghhjghgmhgjhjg

like right off the bat theres all the shit with the proposals that i LOVE. i love eugene and rapunzel both trying to propose to each other like 5 times but neither of them could ever get the timing right <333 but the problem comes in with. literally everything surrounding it. the idea that the marriage would trap them pisses me off bc at first i assumed it would be like. they eventually realize that marriage isnt a trap and its not the end of their lives. but thats not what happened. instead it was like "yeah the marriage is us accepting that our adventures are over and we're settling down" ?????????????? and everything chris said always makes me think like. can someone please check on his wife oh my god

THEN we've got varian. literally such a great character, his villain arc is the best arc of the whole show !!! but!! then it was over. honestly i think that varian was one of the characters that made it out relatively unscathed with no stupid choices for his character. but even then thats mostly because he just kinda got ignored after season 1. he didnt show up at all in season 2 except in a hallucination, and im not THAT mad about it bc obv they werent in corona so its not like there was really any place for him but like. please. anyways he got a quick redemption arc in season 3 but the worst part of that was that it was a little rushed so he made it out ok. but the problem comes in with the fact that chris got pissed off that everyone wanted to talk about varian so he refused to give varian anything interesting to do overall. but the problem is that there were already seeds planted earlier in the show to give him more to do (like everything with quirin and the letter) that got dropped bc they didnt want to deal with it

and CASS. oh my god. ive talked about her villain arc a hundred times because it makes me so fucking insane. it could have been so good. like you can go back to pretty much the first episode in season 1 and see cracks starting to form in her & rapunzel's friendship and there was soooo much to work with. but. "gothic was my mom but she kidnapped and abused you instead so you stole my destiny" what the fuck are you talking about. talk about being overshadowed! talk about being forgotten and never taken seriously!! talk about ANYTHING that youve already been upset about in the show!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!

and then fucking. the dark kingdom stuff at the end of season 2 with eugene:( :( :( i was a little excited for the dark prince stuff bc ! it could be fun!!! he found out that hes the prince of a dead kingdom and his mother died because of the stone thats the opposite of rapunzel! there was sooooo much there that just got forgotten :( we never even found out how the queen died or her fucking NAME. why did we abandon all the dark kingdom lore at the end of season 2 :(((( i love the dark kingdom its such a fun concept and i want more of it but like. go girl give us nothing ig. the kingdom got completely abandoned and forgotten about within 25 years! lets talk about that!!!!! fuck lets acknowledge ANYTHING about dark prince eugene !!!! and on that note i wish they had done a little more with the fact that edmund had been protecting the moonstone for his entire life just for someone to take it and leave and now his life's purpose means NOTHING.

also it pisses me off that season 3 became The Cass and Rapunzel Show. there were so many other characters with problems but everything else was ignored bc look! cass and rapunzel!!! like can we PLEASE focus on anything else for like 5 seconds.... why was the finale entirely just cass and rapunzel's fight :( everyone was dead on the ground and it was "and now cass and rapunzel are gonna spend 3 seconds handling it" like please..... you have a beautiful cast of characters that want to affect the plot so badly let them help

as a rapunzel fan i think that one thing that annoys me a lot about the show is that. rapunzel can never be wrong. i get that shes a disney princess and its a disney show so they cant make her TOO bad but like,,, all her weaknesses are the shit you say in a job interview. "shes too nice" "shes too upbeat" "she trusts people to much" i wish she had actual problems. like she tends to accidentally be selfish and focus on how she feels without thinking about how it affects other people!!! thats something they could have thought about more instead of making her always right about everything. and the fucking episode on season 3 where eugene says "cass abandoned you you need to let her go" then she goes back in time and changes his past and then hes like "yeah you shouldnt leave cass behind!" NO HE WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. cass literally took the moonstone and left she doesnt want to come back why is the lesson here that rapunzel shouldnt let her go

and oh my god. lance im so sorry for what they did to you. he is SUCH a fun character i love him so much he should have had so much to do but NO he gets one lance-centric episode and a few lance-and-eugene-centric episodes in season 1. then he never gets focus ever again. he gets the moment in the season 2 finale where he starts fighting the ghosts (and i love him so much i love that moment) and then he never affects the plot again. hes so fun because he and eugene have basically the same backstory except lance never had The Moment where he chose to give it up so its so fun to see his approach to just. everything in the show. but we never get to see him!! he gets ignored and shoved to the side so that there can be more hookfoot centric episodes. i will forever stand by the fact that theres something about hookfoot could've been a lance episode. ALSO ALSO ALSO the episode that was pitched with the broken window at the orphanage :( :( :( :( :( i mourn it every single day i wish it had happened. he doesnt get taken seriously as a character even though they had sooooo many opportunities to! then i literally love that he adopts kiera and catalina at the end but. it doesnt get any focus. we dont get to see him getting closer to them (okay we get a little bit of it but STILL there should've been more) so it feels so unearned. i love their little family so much but give me MORE. NOW.

okay im gonna stop now but i have so many thoughts about this show i could fucking fix it. there is so much potential and i love every character so much and i love the version of the plot lines that only exist in my head

[badvillainarc]

tangled the series has some… interesting writing. especially when it comes to characters and how the narrative displays & treats them [for example: rapunzel being a morally grey character, yet always displayed and treated as ‘in the right’. she typically faces little to no consequences for her actions]. one of my favorite examples of the very few well written characters in the series is varian. especially [but not necessarily limited to] his villain arc. the best element of his villain arc, in my opinion, is how it sets up his character for season 3. even if the rest of season 3 was an absolute shitshow that fucked up a lot of the main plot & core characters, it handled varian’s arc surprisingly well. it was a great continuation, in my opinion.

one of the worst written characters in tangled the series was cassandra. she started off great; her internal conflict was amazing and it was well-developed throughout season 2. what ruined her was season 2’s finale and season 3 in general. while season 3 was great for varian, it was a complete and utter nightmare for cassandra’s arc. most, if not all, of her pre-established character traits & personality was overwritten just to make a more marketable character. it was so disappointing when i rewatched it in the past year, looking back on a character arc that i had loved a few years earlier just to realize how utterly horrible and hopeless it was.long story short; varian works as a villain, and cassandra doesn’t. ‘why’ isn’t hard to determine. the entirety of cassandra’s villain arc was focused on developing and creating a new character, instead of expanding upon cassandra’s current one. i could even see alternatives of the arc where she doesn’t take the moonstone because it’s ‘her destiny’ [as she claims], where she grabs it in a feeble attempt to protect rapunzel, or out of fear of losing her forever. anything would’ve been better than what we got, if i’m being honest. villain cassandra isn’t the same cass that we met and bonded with in the first two seasons. that’s the major problem of her arc.

the ‘why’ of why varian’s arc works isn’t hard to find, either. he was well-developed. we meet him early on, and they establish a good and clear character from the very start. we’re introduced to him in the very first episode, as a young boy who just seeks his father’s approval. an intelligent young boy, but a child nonetheless. as his arc continues, we see his character not necessarily ‘grow’, but develop. when his father is encased in amber, it sends him into a spiral. rapunzel’s refusal to help makes the situation worse and makes him result to… desperate measures. because he is desperate. he’s a child, alone and scared with only a slight idea of how to save his father. and he would do anything to make that happen.

[bee-snail]

11, 7, 24 for the tts ask game (if any of these were answered ignore this lol)

7. "Do you have any post series headcanons?"

I've actually answered this question before, but I'm happy to reply again! :] !!

I don't have many of them, though I do headcanon that there would be a lot of tension in the Dark Kingdom post-series. Edmund, Adira and Hector hurt eachother a lot (well, Adira and Edmund committed most of the "hurting" if I'm being fully honest here) and now that the 3 of them are stuck together rebuilding the whole place by themselves, they oughta work out those issues if they want to be productive again!

11. "What is a major change (rewrite) that you would make to the canon?"

I've answered this question before as well, but since you asked again I'll take this chance to tell a different change: make someone else take the Moonstone. Someone like Hector, for example, who has extremely good reasons for doing so: he wants to stop anyone else from grabbing the Moonstone. What better way to do that than by holding onto it himself?

Plus, he could potentially use the stone to rebuild or at least repair his kingdom.

And of course: being the new holder of the Moonstone, he's sure to attract Zhan Tiri. That would've been so fun to see, considering he already has a connection to her since he freed her power from the Great Tree!

This is actually a concept I'm exploring myself in my fic, because it's just that interesting to me. Although, my Moon!Hector is a lot more defensive than another one may be, so while mine may focus more on rebuilding the DK and defending from intruders, another could focus on destroying Corona and ensuring that no one will ever try to take the stone from him. The latter option seems very interesting, especially when you realize that the reason he's doing all of that is to make sure no one tries to grab the Moonstone to do "evil", but he himself is doing evil, by trying to destroy the home of dozens, if not hundreds of people.

It's just one little change that makes a hurricane of a difference! :]

24. "The Salt Question: what were you disappointed by?"

The FINALE. my god you have absolutely no idea how freaking sad I was to see Zhan Tiri, my absolute FAVORITE CHARACTER, get defeated by a fucking frying pan. I swear. I cried so freaking much in that scene. What an anti-climatic ending.

Everything that happened in the finale battle was disappointing, and everything that happened afterwards was just rubbing piles of salt in the wound.

And that's not even talking about the whole finale, pretty much ALL of the 2 parts of Plus Ent En Vous were disappointing somehow:

- Varian and Quirin didn't have a heart-to-heart (it was their very last chance to do so since it didn't happen in the rest of the season)

- Mindtrapped!Quirin didn't fight Varian. That was unexpected, considering how many cruel things Cass has done so far, but alas.

- the monkey scene. that in itself is a disappointment.

- The fact we didn't get any concrete insight on Zhan Tiri and Demanitus' backstory past the very contradictory flashback. We could've gotten an entire flashback sequence of their story (at least in Demanitus' POV) if the mains had found entries in his journal regarding his past with Zhan Tiri. That would've been infinetely cooler than the fucking monkey scene. Yet, here we are.

- The Lost Realm. I had expected a void, or literal hell, not Buddy Song-level drug world. It's neat, but still disappointing.

- Zhan Tiri. I love her, but my girl was completely useless the entire fight. She showed up just to pretend she was gonna be an epic villain, only to die to a fucking frying pan about five minutes later. Sure, she killed everybody with the Decay Incantation, but what good was that if they just got revived 3 minutes later?

- Cassandra! Her "redemption" was, forgive the wording, fucking ridiculous. She basically cried and moaned about being useless, once again making herself the victim, then said one "I'm sorry" to Rapunzel and poof! Suddenly, hero again! I honestly could've accepted that if Cass had gotten any kind of punishment afterwards, but nope. She got a cleaner record than Varian's, probably, all because she died for less than one minute and was Rapunzel's favorite. Admittedly it could even make sense that Cass was forgiven in Corona, since Rapunzel is a princess and therefore does have the authority to forgive Cass of all of her crimes there, but there's absolutely NO reason why she wasn't punished by the DK.

By all means she should've been executed or at the very least arrested by the Dark Kingdom and the Brotherhood (who, may I remind you, HAVE BEEN ROBBED OF THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS FOR WHAT MAY HAVE BEEN MONTHS, in Adira and Hector's case, and in Quirin's and Edmund's—were forced to fight their own sons). The worst part is that Cassandra didn't have to do that, she chose to. You can't even pin that on Zhan Tiri because like- she told Cassandra what the Mindtrap was and what it did, not that she absolutely HAD TO use it or else she was gonna die or lose everything or something. This was Cassandra's doing. This was Cassandra's choice. Something this unforgivable couldn't have been let off just because pretty little angel Rapunzel asked.

- finally: the Mindtrap not being adressed by any Brotherhood member, at least on screen. They got Hector's and Adira's VA's in the finale only for them to say one or two lines each and that's it. Truly a waste.

[zonerobotnik]

I've just now noticed your answer to one of my comments, so I'd like to answer that as well.

I'd like it if Varian had a bit of a longer goatee, like a sorcerer or demon. And I like it when Varian has more blue stripes in his hair. I just thought a few white stripes, like the Moonstone's lightnings, would look good.

Well, I'd just like it when he has large hand and feet. If draw him with the height and build I described, his hands would still be proportional. Also, I never said anything about Yaoi or something, why do you bring that up again?

And maybe I wouldn't mind if his stature is slightly monstrous or ogrish. Just intimidating, like in the pictures I've shown you. So in height he would surpass Superman, Hercules or Gaston.

Okay...so, I need to address this.

1) I tried drawing a long goatee on him and it didn't look good on him at all, and I find long goatees and beards INCREDIBLY unsexy, besides.

2) The Moonstone doesn't turn your hair white/silver, that's the Moondrop. It's just going to be blue and black.

3) Yaoi Hands is a trope that basically originates in Yaoi manga where the Seme has abnormally-large hands so he can do things like fully envelope his Uke's wrists or waist or face or hip in his grip. It was long ago considered a really stupid trope and people stopped doing it, but the jokes remain every time someone does hands too big for the rest of the body.

4) I have said I am TERRIFIED OF GIANTS. What's next, are you going to try to make me draw a fucking SPIDER?! I refuse to draw anyone that isn't a fucking monster bigger than Superman or Gaston. Varian is human-sized, not a fucking giant.

I am already going WAY out of my comfort zone with this body type and the specific scene you want. I refuse to push these particular boundaries. Even just working on a test run made me cringe so badly I had to stop after the lineart and work on something else.

For fuck's sake, he's barely recognizable and my sister asked me who the hell I was drawing.

[tttrashmouth]

moonstone!varian au

- varian’s dad found the moonstone flower when his wife was dying and thought it might heal like he heard the sundrop did

- spoiler alert: it didn’t

- but now varian was born with a blue streak in his hair so he’s now the moonstone

- the baron gets word of a child who was born to a flower that was similar to the one the lost princess was and thinks oh well, guess i’m gonna kidnap a child

- so the baron plans to just take him like rupunzel was taken but quirin waskes up in the middle of the night and catches him in the act

- because they don’t live in a castle theres no window to jump out of, so to escape the baron murders quirin

- because varian is so young we keeps him in his own home, locked in a tiny room, until he can find a place to keep varian

- when varian is like a year old old he finds an abandoned tower near his home and decides to keep him there

- so varian ends up there and the baron uses varians magic to create unbreakable weapons by using the moonstone incantation (the one cass sings in cassandra’s revenge) 

- growing up varian doesn’t really know the extent of his powers because he’s only ever used them to make weapons for the baron out of the black rocks

- the baron wants to keep varian on his good side so he gets things varian wants and does a lot for him, he just warns him to never leave the tower because people would kill him for his magic

- varian thinks his parents abandoned him and the baron took him in after the fact

- so he’s still super into alchemy and when he’s 13 he’s reading a book that the baron got him about a certain type of plant that will bloom for the first time in 200 years and is like i NEED to try this

- and of course he’s 13, going on 14 in like 3 days, so he decides well i’m sure if i’m only gone like two days dad won’t mind

- (at this point for raps and the gang the same amount of time from the series has passed, except without the events because the black rocks don’t exist for them) 

- so he uses his powers to create a way out of the tower and goes on his merry way with a bag of essentials (read: almost all alchemy stuff with little food) and ruddiger, who varian got as a pet when he was like 10

- the baron is obviously very pissed when he finds out and sets out after him, but since the baron isn’t always at the tower varian has about a days headstart on him

- so the plant blooms in corana and on his way there he finds his way to old corana

- he asks around to see if theres any places i the town where people do alchemy and doesn’t find any, but he meets an old man who tells him about a woman who studied alchemy before she died

- the old man tells him where she used to live and varian is like well maybe i’ll just take one tiny peek inside and see if theres anything useful in there

- once inside he starts looking around and finds it empty, he was just gonna leave but something bright flashed in his eye and he found a secret entrance to a basement under the house

- so he goes down and sees all of this alchemy stuff this woman used and starts to investigate what everything is 

- he finds her journals and starts to read them, but realizes he needs to sleep and then get going again in the morning, so he puts them in his bag to read later

- during the night the baron catches up to him and of course the people of the town know who the notorious kingpin The Baron is so they are terrified

- he gets told that they saw the kid, but he left hours ago, which they don’t know is true but they haven’t seen varian in awhile so they just guess

- the baron and co. search the houses and find no hint of him so they leave town and head closer and closer to corona

- so varian wakes up the next day and heads out, not really sure why people kept avoiding him

- he soon finds himself in corona and is really surprised by how nice everyone has been on the journey so far considering the horror stories he heard from the baron

- so rapunzel sees varian and is like oh a person i haven’t met before and also a child wandering the streets oh no

- she introduces herself to him and she shows him around and since he’s very obviously a traveler, asks him what he’s doing there so he just explains the plant and everything

- because she didn’t really have anything to do that day she offered to go with him so he wasn’t alone and she knew her way around better then him

- so varian makes every bone in her body Scream protect this child so she offers him lunch and a place to clean himself up so off the the castle they go

- because of who they are eugene and cass are like i’m not sure about this one blondie

- she ignores them

- so varian gets all cleaned up and him, rapunzel, eugene, cass, and lance sit down together for lunch

- yea i’m totally 16 years old, 100% not 13

- so they eat and chat and all is well until rupunzel gets called away and when she comes back she’s like stressed out because of course they can’t just have one relaxing day

- she informs them that someone from old corona pulled up and was like umm the baron just came to our city looking for this boy and the kid might be in trouble

- varian hears and is terrified because if his dad and co. were looking for him he was in huge trouble for leaving

- so when raps and co. go to handle the situation rapunzel tells varian to stay there and he just smiles and nods, but the second that they’re gone he Books It

- he finds his way to an abandoned building and sets up shop for the night

- he takes out the journal and starts to read and of course the womans journal eventually start talking about a flower that fell from the sky, the brought unbreakable rocks, and that could shield people from death

- at the same time the group got the small group of people from old corona to give a description of the boy and the group realizes its varian

- so they race back to where it is and realize he’s gone and cass and eugene jump to the conclusion that varian is working for the baron and was there to get information from them

- rapunzel doesn’t believe that because he’s a child, a child who very clearly is lying about his age

- she realizes that no matter what, he was too excited about the plant to not go harvest some, so rapunzel, lance, cass, and eugene go hide in wait for him

- back with varian he realizes that the flower this woman is talking about has the powers he has

- towards the middle of the journal the handwriting changes, it talks about a man whose wife died in childbirth, but she gave birth to a child who had blue eyes, and when he was upset unbreakable black rocks would form around him

- it got more and more paranoid as it came to a close, about how he thought he saw a large man with blonde hair watching their house, how he swore one day after him and his child came home the house had been broken it to

- varian is panicking at the end because the journal stops so suddenly when talking about this thing, the moonstone

- he decides to internalize it and not think about it

- he stays there until it gets dark and then goes to get the plant, if he was quick enough his father might not catch him and then he could get back to the tower 

- he approach’s the area where he knows some of the plant will be and then he gets chills

- he hears footsteps behind him and when he turns around he is face to face with the baron

- so raps and the gang watch from a far, waiting to swoop in and save varian, but varian and the barons conversation stops them

- the baron is all like i told you to never leave the tower, the world is dangerous and people will just take advantage of you

- varian gets mad because he spent 13, no 14 years of his life trapped in a tower because he thought it was dangerous and most people were so nice to him

- so varian calls him on it

- so they end up in a weird screaming match and the baron goes to grab varian and rapunzel goes in to fight or flight mode and is like leave him alone

- varian is confused because she was there, she was furious because it looked like this grown man was gonna hurt a child, and the baron was angry because they were interfering with his plans

- cass, eugene, and lance bust out after her and get ready to fight and the barons crew comes to help him, all while varian is on the verge of a panic attack because the world is so much better than he thought, his dad (???) might be a terrible person, and his parents might not have abandoned him

- his powers might also make him evil

- so almost at the same time the baron and rapunzel try to grab him to bring him to their side and he loses it

- black rocks shoot out of the ground at both sides, sending them flying and varian’s just like

- fuck

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Plus Est En Vous Part 1

Finally, at long last we are here. The end of the show. It’s not the worse thing ever, but that’s only cause Once A Handmaiden exists. Let’s dig in shall we?

Summary: Some time has past since Cassandra destroyed Corona. Now the populist is displace and misses their homes. Rapunzel encourages everyone to fight back and Varian comes up with a plan to defeat Zhan Tiri using a portal device invented by Demanitus. Meanwhile, Eugene comes to suspect that Quirin might be a sleeper agent for Cassandra.

Remember When This Show Was Suppose To Be About Eugene and Rapunzel Getting Engaged?

So this opening narration; along with the ending narration in the third part; is suppose to be a bookend to the opening narration of Before Ever After. Which in kind is suppose to mirror the Eugene and Rapunzel narrating the original movie. However, the story no longer has anything to do with Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship. They’re actual engagement is nothing more than a hastily tacked on footnote in the narrative. 

In fact the series barely has anything to do with either Eugene or Rapunzel as individual characters anymore. The series has become the Cass show; and Rapunzel only matters because she’s there to prop up Cassandra’s story.   

I’m fairly certain that this is not what the executives signed up for when they green lit this show. I don’t care how much Moonsandra was a part of the original concept; there’s no way in hell Chris actually sold this show as “Rapunzel fights with her best friend; who is actually her long lost sister; who is secretly in love with her and is also her magical soulmate counterpart... oh and Eugene is just there... being Eugene, I guess.’ Like no way that was the original plan. It certainly wasn't advertised as that to the audience, but it sure as heck is what we got. 

No one was asking for this. No one wanted this, save for Chris. If I’m tuning into watch something called Tangled the Series; then I expect to get an actual continuation of Tangled; not a bad OC insert fanfic.  

And lets get one thing straight here, Cassandra being a main character and having story importance isn’t the problem here. It’s the fact that the story solely focuses her now at the expense of other important characters, while also failing to give a legitimate reason for the audience to care about her over everyone else. 

It’s Not Complicated Show

As I stated in the last episode; if you have to tell your audience that something is ‘complicated’ than it’s probably not as complex as you think it is. 

Tangled the Series is convoluted. It’s core conflict doesn’t need to exist and it’s two leads are literally fighting over nothing at this point. The only reason why the story has been dragged out this far is because the writers have to fill out the run time somehow. 

Why Am I Suppose To Sympathize With This?

59 episodes worth of footage, plus a pilot movie, and this is the scene you choose to go with to showcase your main character’s ‘struggles’? Her being bitchy that a bunch of little kids, that she doesn’t even actually care about, happen to like being around her best friend more than her? 

What!? 

Why should any sane, genuinely empathetic person give a shit about Cassandra after this?   

This isn’t sad. It’s not relatable. It’s not pitiable. It’s fucking sociopathic. 

Is this really the best you could do TTS crew? Really? 

You had no other ideas whatsoever by this point, didn’t you? 

Stop Trying To Make Gothel A Thing Show

Gothel being Cassandra’s mom literally has nothing to with anything. The writers have completely failed to ingrate this plot point into the story appropriately; to the point that not even Cassandra herself gives a damn about it anymore. 

That’s Still Not A Reason For Anything

Even if I bought this last minute bullshit ‘motivation’, it still doesn’t explain Cassandra’s actions. 

Grudge or no grudge, mom or no mom, petty selfish jealousy or no, there was never any logical reason for Cassandra to steal the moonstone, and even less reason for her too kidnap, torture, assault, brainwash, vandalize, and attempt to murder other people in this scenario.  

If Cassandra’s beef was always with Rapunzel then her conflict should have actually stayed focused on Rapunzel. 

Cass stans love to whip out the ‘well Varian did it too’ excuse, but Varian had actual reasons for what he did. For him it was never solely about his relationship with Rapunzel. It was always about survival and he’s grievances extended towards an entire kingdom that was out to fucking kill him. 

I’m sorry, but you’d have to be a pretty fucked up person to ignore that crucial difference. 

The Lore Is Still Shit 

Its the final episode and we still don’t know jackshit about the series’ main plot McGuffins that everyone is fighting over. 

Where do they come from? How do they work? What are the magical rules regarding them? What is the history surrounding them and how does that relate back to the current story? Why does Zhan Tiri want them? Why do they belong together? Why does the two powers seek each other out? Why have they stopped seeking each other after season one? What would happen if they were never reunited? What is the actual stakes here? 

Don’t expect any answers to those questions folks, because Tangled the Series is lazy. 

Why? 

If there’s one thing TTS fails at harder than its lore, it’s its lack of characterization. 

I’ve seen the entire show twice now and I still have no earthly idea what the fuck this ‘destiny’ Cass is so obsessed over is actually suppose to be. 

Like sure, it’s probably just a bunch of BS Zhan Tiri whispered in her ear, but the audience still needs to know that information. We need to know what the main character’s goal and motivation is. We need to understand why the characters’ do what they do even if they are wrong. That’s basic writing 101.

Also, no one was ‘underestimating’ her. The only person giving her grief was Adira and that was because Cassandra was an asshole to her first.

Even this opening recap is a major fail because it doesn’t explain shit. Any newcomer or casual viewer would be lost after watching this, and that’s the only purpose of a recap; to summarize for those that haven’t been keeping up. 

Can We Please Stop Blaming Zhan Tiri For The Two Leads Being Awful People? 

Zhan Tiri has nothing to do with Rapunzel being a self-centered twat who hurts those closest to her and constantly lets down those that depend upon her. It’s not Zhan Tiri’s fault that Cass chose to ignore everyone who ever loved her in order to throw her life away for a dumb rock and pitch a violent hissy fit. I mean, she could have just stopped at any point. There were no consequences for her for kicking ZT to curb. 

All of Zhan Tiri’s ‘manipulation’ is just ranting like a loon while the mains inexplicably does whatever she wants because the writers refused to let its two female leads have a brain.  

Rapunzel ‘Never Giving Up’ Isn’t The Positive That You Think It Is Show

There’s plenty of reasons give up on something. ‘Giving up’ is not necessarily a bad thing. And if what you’re clinging on to is something that is harming yourself and others, then giving up is the morally correct thing to do. 

Rapunzel still holding out hope for Cass is one thing... placing her relationship with Cassandra over the safety of both herself and her people is entirely another. 

Rapunzel is not a ‘role model’ in this show. Yet the series desperately tries to prop her up as one, and it’s toxic. 

This Is A Waste Of Both Arianna And Willow

So this was the entire reason for The Way of the Willow? 

This? 

A stupid story that adds nothing to the plot, fails to actually strengthen any of the characters and their relationships, and is nothing more than a poorly thought out parallel. 

Willow doesn’t even make a fucking appearance again. She’s that worthless of a character, and I say that as someone who actually likes Willow. 

Meanwhile Cass is no where to be found; neither here nor in Willow’s only episode. Yet here is the series is trying to cram her into this family drama that she has no connection to. 

Rapunzel and Cassandra are not actually sisters. Cass has no relation to either Arianna or Willow. Arianna has no reason to equate Cass and Raps to herself and her sister.

Heck, I don’t think Arianna has ever shared a single word with Cassandra on screen. To her she’s just a former servant who turned traitor and very recently just destroyed her kingdom. I mean why on earth would this woman try to offer understanding to such a person when she couldn’t even be arsed to care about the poor persecuted 14 year old orphan!!???

Meanwhile, Rapunzel has barely shared any screen time with her own birth mother for three seasons. They’ve haven’t had a real bonding moment since the B plot from Fitzherbert P.I. This is their first real conversation in over 55 episodes and it’s about the creator’s precious OC and not their actual relationship!! 

If any person ever tries to suggest that this show isn't sexist then just bring up this one scene, because it is insult to every female character involved. 

Also I shouldn’t have point out that there is a big fucking difference between building a wall and committing murder!!!

I See; So Shitty Parenting Just Runs In The Family Then? 

Okay, One; Why didn’t the parents do anything? Why was it up to Arianna to ‘get through to her sister’ and not, you know the parents job to step in and figure out what was up? Because if your daughter is building a brick wall in the middle of her room then there is clearly deeper issues here than just a sisterly spat. 

Two; If the person who is mad at you, is building literal walls to keep you out and ignoring you... then maybe the problem is with you and you ignoring their boundaries. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you, then tough shit, they don’t want to talk to you. You pushing back against that isn’t going to actually solve anything. And indeed, Willow is hardly ever around now and barely keeps in touch with her sister... so great job Arianna and your shitty, shitty parents! 

Gosh, now I know why Arianna puts up with Fredric’s bullshit. She’s every bit as toxic as he is. I genuinely don’t believe that Rapunzel actually would have had a better life had Gothel not kidnapped her. Everyone in this family shit, and she still would have been traumatized, just in a possibly different way. 

Why On Earth Does This Show Keep Trying Frame Toxic Behavior As Something Good?

This story is so oddly specific that I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the writers was pulling from real life here. Now I don’t know that for sure, but it’s chilling to think about. Because this is horrifying. 

Tangled the Series should be called Fridged Horror the Show. It constantly tries to present these so-called ‘wholesome’ moments and morals, that are really just cover ups to some truly messed up and at times outright dark shit; that you may not even notice until after the fact, unless you’re paying very close attention. 

And if this series had a hint of irony to it or a smidge of self awareness, that might actually be clever. But no, It’s completely sincere in it’s awfulness and most of it’s darker elements are completely accidental because the writers just did not think things through.  

What About Cassandra's Dad, Arianna? 

You know, the man who actually raised her and is more ‘family’ to Cassandra than Rapunzel ever will be? The man, who’s approval, was Cassandra’s motivating goal in the first season? The one person in this series who actually could counteract all the Gothel bullshit because he’s a better parent than all of ya’ll. 

Remember him show? Gee, I wonder where he went?

Don’t make ‘parentage’ the core theme of your conflict and then not have the parents be involved in the resolution. That’s just stupid. 

Furthermore, as previously stated, it’s not Rapunzel’s job to ‘get through to Cass’. At this point it’s no one’s responsibility because Cassandra is a grown ass woman who knows what she is doing!!! 

Ninety percent of this show’s and the fandom’s arguments for defending Cassandra just amounts to infantizing women and mentally ill people, and it’s disgusting. And bullshit like the above is part of that. 

Way To Ruin The Tone Show

This is suppose to the series the finale. This should be the point of the story where the stakes are at it’s highest. The main heroine has literally lost everything.... only not, cause clearly she’s fine here. 

Everyone is fine, apparently, and nothing is actually at stake, because the main character has plenty of time to go on a joy ride with her mom. Complete with jaunty music that tells the viewers that everything is just dandy. And this lasts for like a full minute by the way. 

I have no clue as to why this scene exists other then to waste the audience's time. 

So How Long Has It Been Since Once A Handmaiden?

Well, almost no clue. I do have one guess as to why this scene is here and it’s more timeline bullshit. 

Usually a big montage scene of a bunch scenery is typically meant to establish the setting. Now since this is a season finale, we should already be familiar with the setting; so running through it again would be more of an indicator that time has pass and we’re seeing the new norm now that Cassandra has taken over the kingdom.  

Only it doesn’t actually show anything different! 

There’s no physical changing of the season because there never is a clear change of season in the show. Unless you want to count that one pink tree as a indicator that its spring now. 

Old Corona and the Snuggly Duckling look the same as always as well; failing to indicate how having new residents would change these locations over a period of time. Heck we don’t even get a shot of the castle; the one element that has actually changed. So what was the point? 

I have no idea if it’s been three days or six months since Once a Handmaiden. And that is very much a problem because the show now suddenly has a ticking clock with the eclipse coming. Only the audience has no clear idea of when this eclipse is actually suppose to occur or even what it’s suppose to do; thereby invalidating the point of even having a ticking clock to begin with and sucking all the tension out of the story. 

I personally headcanon that we’re six months from Once a Handmaiden and that it’s near Rapunzel’s 22nd birthday because that’s thematically appropriate; you can think whatever you want though. It’s impossible to decipher this shit. 

(Though I will argue with you if you try to tout Ricky’s BS comments on twitter as ‘canon’; but more on that later folks)   

So Why Is Everyone Hanging Out Here Rather Than Just Moving To Old Corona?

We literally rode through Old Corona just a minute ago. It seemed fine. 

Unless it’s only been three hours since Once a Handmaiden, or unless Rapunzel just called everyone over here for a meeting and is late to said meeting, (neither of which have been established) then there’s no reason for everyone to still be hanging out at the Snuggly Duckling. 

There’s room in Old Corona (which was just rebuilt earlier this season), there’s also the Mountain Retreat and the convent, heck Vardaros is only a week away, and there are two whole other fishing villages on Corona’s coast according to the maps. There’s also plenty of land to build upon. Everyone should either have been relocated already or in the middle of relocating. That would be priority number one.  

Heck, Varian and Quirin are from Old Corona and own a castle. Sure it’s not as big as the one in Corona itself, but they still have more room than a bleeding tavern! Also for that matter, why are they here and not tending to their own village? 

Why not?

Why not just give up Eugene? 

Everyone is who managed to escape last episode is currently fine. (and anyone who didn’t escape is already dead, not like it matters to these people) Ya’ll aren’t actually homeless as Frederic is still the king and owns all the surrounding land. And neither Cassandra nor Zhan Tiri has expressed any interest in coming after you nor attacking anyplace besides the island capitol. If they did have any plans to do otherwise then they would have already done so. 

There’s no threat here. 

You Two Were The Ones Begging Him To Retreat, Assholes! 

I know that everyone, especially the writers, find Eugene being miserable hilarious, but that doesn’t mean it’s funny every time. Certainly not when it’s his family being jerks to him while all he’s trying to do is help. Eugene being taken down a peg or two because he’s being a cocky jackass is one thing, metaphorically kicking the guy in the balls while he is down is another.  

However, I know that there are certain fans who would like for me to point out that, yes, Eugene did fail in his duty. 

Oh, not because he retreated, but because he didn’t put any preventive measures in place to deal with the mind trap nor even inform anyone of it’s threat, despite knowing about it. 

Sure, he’s better than either Rapunzel or Frederic, but that’s a really low bar to clear. Which is a failing that’s made even worse by him being the captain now. A stupid creative decision that adds nothing to the narrative, but one we have to take into account anyways. 

As captain Eugene’s main job is security and he needed do to more than just commission Varian to make an amber gun. Had you kept him as just the prince consort who’s responsibilities are more over reaching and less specified, as should have been his arc to begin with, well, he still would have screwed up, but it would be slightly more understandable if there was either someone under him also fucking it up, or if Cap had left and they had no replacement yet, leaving the kingdom even more vulnerable.  

Also, regardless of role, there was missed opportunity to have Eugene come into conflict with Rapunzel over the Goodwill Festival last episode; but that review is long enough as is. 

Oh Shut Up Chris!

This isn’t the characters talking, it’s Chris talking through the characters. 

Greatest threat my ass! Who is he trying to fool? 

Secret of the Sundrop kicked off with a giant robot attack in the first five minutes and only built up tension from there; this finale started off with a lovely jaunt on horseback and everyone sitting on their ass inside a cozy inn drinking ‘milk'.

I have zero respect for so called ‘professional’ writers who pull off bullshit like this. People aren’t going to magically like your lame OC more or think your writing is any less shit, just because you make some petty jab at the fans of another character. 

You’re not funny. You’re not clever. No one watching agrees with you, and I’m infuriated that a talentless jackoff like yourself got this job instead someone more deserving.  

This Song Shouldn’t Be Here

I mean is sounds nice, as always, but it’s sorely misplaced. 

This isn’t earned. Nothing has happened on screen to warrant a ‘keep up the morale’ song. No one’s actually suffered anything in the episode yet, so this is hollow. 

In a way it sums up everything wrong with the show. Pretty to look at, but also empty, unsatisfying, and leaves a bad taste in your mouth after consuming it. Like wax fruit. 

This Is A Waste of Both James Monroe Iglehart And Jeremy Jordan’s Talents

This song is also representative of the series in the fact that it completely wastes the talent that it has. 

I understand that they wanted to give all the characters a send off during the finale and have everyone sing a line.... but it should have been more than this and the lines should have actually related back to the characters who were singing. Give all of the mains full verses about who they are and how far they’ve come instead of having Rapunzel hog all the screen time. 

As is, Varian, Lance, and Eugene only get one line to sing each and said lines are completely interchangeable. There’s nothing there for the characters to do. Don’t hire famous Broadway singers and actors if you not going to let them actually sing!

I Miss ‘Ready As I’ll Ever Be’ Already

This finale constantly tries to recreate the magic that was season one by throwing in these shameful callbacks and parallels; but honestly all it does is make me want to rewatch the first season and forget that this mess even exists.  

That said, if you want to hear a good rendition of this song check out some of the instrumental covers on youtube. 

The fans have always treated this series better than the creators and that’s a fact. 

And the real kicker is, this song would have been perfectly fine had it been pushed further back to a later point in the finale and retooled a bit. 

Why Are You Acting Surprised By This?

Eugene, you and Lance were right there when Adira told Rapunzel and Cassandra that Quirin was in the brotherhood way back in The Great Tree. Are you telling me that the two of you just didn’t overhear that part? I mean you were only three feet away! 

Ironically everyone but Varian, should know Quirin’s backstory by now. And it’s quite possible Varian also knows by now. I just don’t know if he does or not know because the series isn’t clear on that particular revelation... even though it should be.  

Also Why Are You Leaving Rapunzel Out Of This Conflict? 

Rapunzel definitely knows though. She was told point blank. Her not informing Varian of the mind trap and placing her obsession for Cass over his safety and the wellbeing of his family is just a rehash of season one’s conflict. Proving that she hasn’t learned anything... but the series oh so conveniently sidelines her out of this subplot in the hopes you won’t notice her being irresponsible yet again. 

Well guess what, I noticed, and so did a whole bunch of other people. Because it’s bad writing. 

It’s also bad writing for Eugene specifically to hide his concerns from Rapunzel given that they are both in charge of this whole ‘let’s save the kingdom’ thing. If you’re the one handling security and you think someone could be a threat then you might want to inform the person making the battle plans! 

Remember This Dumb Subplot For Later, Folks

This stupid setup doesn’t go anywhere remotely good nor interesting, and is only here for a lame joke later on. It’s a complete time waster, just like 50% of the rest of this show actually. 

Let Me Get Up On My Soapbox Here

I been wanting to talk about this for awhile now and it’s less to do with the show and more to do with an annoying and, frankly disturbing, trend in fandom. And not just with Tangled, but a growing trend across the board; especially with media geared towards young people. Which is... 

Fans repeating and perpetuating Republican/conservative propaganda, and not even realizing that they are doing it. 

See when this scene dropped the fandom went ballistic. Jokes were made. Excuses were made. (It’s really milk, my eye) Trying to shame the writers for including ‘underage drinking’ was attempted, from people who love to conveniently ignore that said same teenager was always misused by the writers in far worse ways. 

But most disappointing of all was seeing the supposed adults of the fandom, the people who ran forums and discords ect, trying to shut down any and all conversations regarding the topic. Stating that it wasn’t ‘PG’ (even though plenty of PG & G media shows drinking including Disney shows) or appropriate for children. Which the exact wrong approach to take when dealing with mature subject matter. 

So saddle up kiddos; it’s time to learn about alcohol and prohibition in the US! 

Varian is anywhere from 16 to 18 in this scene, depending upon where you stand on the timeline debate and where you headcanon his birthday to be in relation to Rapunzel’s. 

Do you know what the legal drinking age is in the majority of the world? 

16 to 18. With 18 being the average. 

The United States is only 1 out of 5 countries in the entire world that has a 21 federal drinking age. Do you know why that is? 

Racism!!! 

The 21 drinking age was pushed by MADD (mothers against drunk driving) during the late 70s and early 80s. Along with the ‘War on Drugs’ and the ‘Pro-Life’ movement, it was part of a larger campaign spearheaded by the Republican party after the Equal Rights movement of the 60s. 

See, in the following decades is became very uncool to outright admit that you were a racist piece of shit, but plenty of people were of course still racist pieces of shit. However, they were no longer the majority and so racists had to trick normal people into voting for them.... and maybe even convert them to their toxic beliefs. 

So they did what all cults do; they pulled the ‘Think of the children!’ card. 

Yes, anything not approved by our ‘dear leaders’ was now deemed a threat to young minds and society as a whole.   

Which oh so conveniently allowed Republicans to curtail a sudden new growing block of voters, by creating a school to prison pipeline that removed those recently gained rights. 

The age limit on alcohol and the past three decades of ‘anti-drinking’ propaganda in the media that followed is directly connected to the current fascist movement in the US and we don’t talk about it enough. 

In 1984, during the Regan administration, the legal drinking age was raised from 18 to 21. This was in direct retaliation towards the 26th amendment that had reduced the voting age from 21 to 18 the previous decade. Its harder to exercise your new found right to vote if you can’t drive to the polls and provide needed ID, cause your license was taken away due to a DUI that you have to work off a hefty fine for. And in some states there’s even laws preventing you to vote if you have an outstanding fine. 

Now only two generations later and the far right has normalized their laws and bigotry to the point where people don’t even question them. They treat something so controlling and infantilizing as a fact of life, as if it has always existed, and never even stop to consider that their ‘morals’ are not universally accepted and why that might be. 

Meanwhile, the GOP is still using their same old tricks and applying this exact same law to other drugs like marijuana and cigarettes for the same reason; to persecute poor people while lining their own pockets.  

I say this as some who has children of their own in their teens; you are not helping kids when you blindly repeat ‘truisms’. You not helping kids when you bully, censor, and try to control others in an effort to make yourself feel like a ‘good person’. You are not helping kids by infantizing teenagers and young adults. And you are most certainly not helping kids by trying to justify your personal preferences in fictional stories by pretending like you're ‘holier than thou!’

You’re certainly not helping my kids and I would kindly thank you to STOP. 

Let Varian have his damn beer. It quite literally won’t hurt you nor any other real person in this world. 

This Is Lazy, And Also Pointless

I’ll buy that Demanitus entrapped Zhan Tiri using portal tech as that lines up with what we already know. However this bit about his ‘tomb’ comes right the fuck out of nowhere and hasn’t even been so much as hinted at in the entirety of the show. 

Meanwhile, having Rapunzel, and only Rapunzel, know the top secret location of this previously never before mentioned magical chamber for no established reason is the very definition of lazy. 

Especially when you have Varian right there, and he’s been studding and translating Demanitus’ work all series long. If anyone should know it’s location it should be him. 

But no, we have to forgo sensible set up in order to shove Rapunzel into the limelight yet again. 

Oh how I wish writers would learn that leading characters aren’t the center of the fucking universe! 

Why Can’t We Ever Get Varian’s Opinion On Things 

My continual frustration with this series is that it would rather tell lame jokes or make lazy callbacks then explore the interesting dynamics that it has set up.  

Varian’s entire life was stolen from him during a snowstorm. Now here he is facing a similar environment just to help those that previously harmed him. He’s having to expose himself to a potential triggering situation because they had failed to do their jobs yet again.

Which is infinitely more interesting than seeing Eugene complain about something minor for the umpteenth time. 

This Scene Doesn’t Mean Anything

This scene is trying desperately to recreate the depth of feeling and pathos that we saw in Queen for a Day when Quirin was rummaging through his old trunk as he was preparing to flee his home for a second time due to the black rocks. Only for this to fail miserably because Cassandra’s story lacks that level of complexity. 

There’s no context here. By Cassandra’s own admission this just ‘stuff’ that she’s collected over the years and not sentimental valuables from her past life. 

Cassandra doesn’t care about Andrew. Her even keeping that dumb rose in the first place was already a stretch. He’s still probably down there rotting in jail.

Cassandra doesn’t give a damn about Varian. She barely pays him a single thought unless she can make use of him. His necklace is nothing more than a discarded token of a ‘friendship’ that she’s since long abandoned. 

I notice that Eugene’s face is back on the sparing dummy. Meaning all of No Time Like the Past was undone off screen... or more likely, Rapunzel repainted it on there for her because she cares more about winning her ex-best friend back then the feelings of her fiancé. Either way, the only connection to Eugene Cassandra has is one of animosity.  

Cassandra no longer has any desire to be a guard. She achieved that dream in season one and then threw it away in season two. Don’t tell me she suddenly regents doing so when she hasn’t spared it a single thought in over a season.  Her looking forlornly at her old helmet does nothing to changed that. 

Meanwhile we completely skip over the medal her dad gave her for stopping the Saporians. The one thing that might actually hold meaning to her is not shown because the writers want to ignore  her relationship with her father; as that inconveniently moves the barely non-existent conflict away from Rapunzel. 

And of course the only real emotion Cassandra shows in this scene is anger when coming across a reminder of her ‘not-sister’. She throws another petty temper tantum upon seeing a painting of her and Rapunzel together and upon spotting her handmaiden hat. Even though there’s zero reason for her to still be angry at Rapunzel!!!! 

We already resolved the dumb ‘mommy loved you more’ BS last episode. You can’t now pivot back to the, ‘Rapunzel doesn’t listen to me/respect me’ plot from season two and expect it to work. Any validity that might have had flew out the window after Cass’s actions in Cassandra’s Revenge. 

Theoretically, the story should have shifted to a whole new conflict by now if they wanted to keep Cassandra as the antagonist; but at this point the writing team were completely out of ideas. Watch as they quickly rehash everything from the past two seasons before giving up entirely. 

‘Comedy’ Does Not Fix Lazy Plot Holes

Need I say more? 

Unless your series is an absurdist comedy to begin with; like with Gallivant or SpongeBob, then jokes like this do not work. 

You can’t just spackle over poor writing decisions like this and expect me to still take your grand adventure story seriously. 

Why should I give a damn about Cass and Rapunzel’s petty bitch fight and Zhan Tiri’s grand plans for domination when I know the writers aren’t above resolving a conflict with lazy humor. 

Why Does This Conflict Involve Eugene And Not Rapunzel? 

We’ve already touched upon this somewhat. The real reason is because the writers didn’t want to hold Rapunzel accountable for the shitty way she treats people, nor do they want Varian to distract from the Rapz vs Cass fight because his conflict is inherently more interesting. However, they also don’t want Eugene distracting from the Rapunzel and Cassandra stuff either. 

Eugene should be the co-lead. He’s the second main character of the film. Yet he gets shoved aside in favor of Cassandra same as Varian. Only he can’t be completely ignored like Varian because Disney would eat Chris’s ass if he tried. 

Chris’s solution is to therefore shove Varian and Eugene together into a separate yet shared conflict. And on the surface it makes sense; after all they both have connections to the Dark Kingdom and the Brotherhood. Unfortunately, the series doesn’t actually take advantage of this connection. 

Eugene and Varian are technically cousins, but because the series is desperate to retroactively diminish the Brotherhood’s importance and minimize their internal conflicts, Eugene and Varian being related is never brought up. The Brotherhood’s connections with each other is never brought up and their dynamics never explored. So what could have been a compelling story about generational trauma is reduced to Chris’s “fathers can never be criticized’ wish fulfillment fantasy instead.  (more on that when we get there) 

So What Exactly Does Varian Know And Not Know?

Is this Varian’s first time hearing about his dad being a member of the Brotherhood or are we to assume that Quirin told him off screen? If that’s the case, then why is he only now considering this possibility? You’re telling me overprotective and plan for everything Varian wouldn’t be working 24/7 to break the mind trap spell if he thought his dad was in danger?

Also if this is the first time he’s hearing about it then why isn’t he getting angry at everyone for hiding it from him? Why didn’t he demand answers from his dad earlier? Where’s the pay off for that whole Quirin is keeping secrets subplot from season one? Why isn’t he calling Eugene and Rapunzel out for screwing him over, again!?

Also he barely reacts to Adira and Hector being mind controlled. Does even know who they are? Does he know that he’s related to them? Does he know of his relation to Eugene? Eugene sure doesn’t... but why not!? We saw Quirin and Edmund sitting together just a few scenes ago. Their first on screen meeting in over twenty five years and no one commits on it! The show never acknowledges their relationship one way or the other. 

It’s utterly astounding how the show dehumanizes it’s main characters, reducing them to puppets for the nonsensical plot, while constantly trying to get an emotional reaction out of it’s now very confused audience. 

This Scene Is Still Gorgeous, Though

Every actor and animator on this show deserves Emmys for how much effort they put into this bullshit plot. 

If this scene works at all, if any scene works at all, it’s 100% down to the voice acting and brilliant animation. 

And it ticks me off! 

Do you know what I would give? What I would pay? To have the money and the branding to give one my stories this level of care and talent and marketing? Do you have any idea how many people are out there who would kill for a chance to bring their story to life with this amount of support? Including the very animators that did work on this? 

And yet Disney decides to blindly piss it all away on Chris Sonnenburg’s vanity project/ego trip. 

The world is indeed cruel and unjust. 

At least the crew has moved on to bigger and better things, like The Owl House and Monsters At Work, just to name a few. 

Behold! The Only Useful Thing Lance Gets To Do This Entire Finale!!! 

This is the only thing he’s gotten to contribute to the plot since Be Very Afraid. He’s only useful two times out of 21 fucking episodes! Despite making appearances in 13 of them! 

And’s not even a thing that specific to his character! Anyone could figure it out! 

Only For Rapunzel To Steal Lance’s Thunder Away 

In fact it’s such a non-specific thing that they give the credit to Rapunzel anyways.

Someone explain to me why Disney is too fucking paranoid to not have their main character not be the center of attention? And it’s only Rapunzel that gets such treatment; other Disney properties don’t do this.

Winnie the Pooh isn’t made suddenly smarter than the rest of his friends. Not every episode of The Little Mermaid/Aladdin/Hercules tv show revolves around them; and those characters are allowed to screw up. Even more recent fair, like Big Hero Six still understands that it has a cast of characters to accommodate no matter how central Baymax & Hiro are to the story. And poor Simba has never even been the star of the two Loin King spin off shows.

I don’t get it. What power does Rapunzel have that cause the entire multiverse to kiss her ass all the time? 

Just Leave Her Inconsiderate Ass Already, Eugene

HE LITTRALY JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL HIM THAT!!! 

He also told you earlier that he did not want a nickname and shared with you his very personal reasons as for why. 

Guys if you ever have girlfriend who does to you... dump her. Hard! 

This is isn’t ‘cute’. This isn’t playful teasing. This is being disrespectful of your significant other’s personal boundaries. And this is coming hot off the heels of a season long worth of similar abuses.     

Everyone loves to praise this stupid show for not having any ‘relationship drama’ and having the main couple stay together, but at what cost I ask you? Because by the end of it all I genuinely wish they weren’t together because frankly Eugene deserves better than this shit. Everyone does. 

Also that’s what we wasted this subplot on? An unfunny joke without a punchline? Cause it never comes back up or resolves itself in any way. It just hangs there uncomfortability. 

There’s No Way Those Monkeys Could Be Alive

Monkeys have to live off more than just bananas. There also needs to be water and sunlight for those plants to grow, but I couldn’t tell you where it’s coming from. They also would all be inbred by now and have a bunch of painful hereditary diseases. 

None of this really bothers me, because well, there’s a lot more dumb shit to focus on and I can mentality write it off as magic portal bullshit... but it annoys some people and for good reason. 

This is yet another instance of the magic system and world building being lazily tacked on to the plot; and given how pointless this subplot is to the overall story it can be especially aggravating to some. 

Lord Demanitus Being A Monkey Still Doesn’t Make Any Sense 

What annoys me more, is Demanitus willing turning himself into a monkey for absolutely no reason.  

He said it was to ‘hide from Zhan Tiri’ but the bitch has no powers and was trapped in hell for a thousand years? What did you need to hide from? Not like she came looking for you after being freed. 

Worse, he didn’t just become a monkey; his soul was trapped along side the monkey’s own brain with the monkey taking control 90% of the time. That’s like a fate worst than death and he did it to himself!? For no real stated reason! 

Also this device doesn’t explain how Vigor was able to remain alive for a 1,000 years, human brain or no. Are we suppose to assume that Demanitus isn’t human but an immoral? Or did he make all the monkeys here, including Vigor immortal and then added his brain to one using magic/science. And if so, then why didn’t he just give himself immortality instead? 

And this is of course ignoring how the device here retcons Demanitus’ earlier statement that it was a spell that merged his mind with Vigor’s. The difference being that a spell can’t ever be fully controlled and can easily go wrong or come with a price; an invention however can be tweaked and worked on until you get the desired result, and as we see here is a process that can be reversed. He could have changed himself back at anytime. 

Out Of All Of The Characters In Tangled, Lance Probably Gets Screwed Over The Most By The Writers

Look, I complain a lot about the other four mains getting dicked over by the writing; and they most certainly do, make no mistake, but at least they are given some respect and a modicum of effort put into their arcs. (Even if in Varian’s/Eugene’s case Chris was forced by higher ups to do so) They didn’t even try with Lance. 

He got his introduction episode and a single scene during the Season Two finale and that was it. After that they gave up entirely on the character and have been slowly draining away his common sense and maturity for the sake of forced comedy ever since. 

You can still have a character be funny and make them competent show. The goofy one in the group doesn’t have to be too dumb to breathe! And it’s especially an unfortunate creative choice when said character is the only main black man in your show. 

We Waste Three And Half Minutes On This Monkey Shit 

I actually timed it. This scene is roughly 3 mins and 25 seconds from start to finish. That’s three and half minutes they could have spent doing literally anything else but instead they waste it on a boring, over long joke that, once again, fails to have a punchline.  

That’s time we could have had put towards character development, needed plot exposition, worldbuilding, strengthening the character dynamics, expanding upon the various dangling subplots, or even actually fixing the lore. 

We could have fit in another song! 

But no, we get monkey's instead. 

Not even cool threating monkeys... like zombie monkeys or super intelligent ninja monkeys. We could have had Demantius’ soulless corpse guarding the place, or more booby traps complete with even tougher robots than before. We could have tied everything together and reveal that Demantius wasn’t a good guy either here. 

Or have them face Zhan Tiri; and show that she isn’t pathetic and that she manipulated them here. Give us foreshadowing of her powers, or have her rely on the brainwashed Brotherhood. Maybe even bring the disciples back and now the gang has to face off against all three at one time. Wrapping up that dangling plot arc. 

But no.... it fucking monkeys. 

The Portal Plot Doesn’t Go Anywhere 

Worse of all, this entire subplot is pointless. The portal is never actually used to accomplish anything of worth. We spend so much time setting it up as a plot point, but there’s never any real pay off for it. 

That’s The Best Plan You Can Come Up With Rapunzel? 

Charging in point blank, when you have the weaker forces, is an incredibly stupid idea. One that winds up backfiring horribly later on, but don’t expect to see Rapunzel face any consequences for her terrible leadership. 

No, Seriously, Where Is The Demanitus Device Chamber In Relation To Everything Else? 

Is this not the same mountain range that the tomb was in? Wouldn’t the device chamber have been connected to the tomb by the tunnels? Especially since the tunnels run through the entire kingdom? Why not have heroes start looking here for the tomb instead of lazily giving Rapunzel foreknowledge of everything?  

Also I will never be over the fact that Rapunzel apparently hiked for miles underground and reached the mainland to stop the storm instead of just using the tunnels to evacuate everyone off the island. 

This Still Doesn’t Add Anything To The Story 

1. This doesn’t inform the audience of anything new. It’s just a rehash of the last three times we watched Zhan Tiri pointlessly brag to a non-existent Demantius. With even less plot exposition this time.

2. Zhan Tiri still isn’t very threating. Having her only goal be focused on destroying one tiny island, that’s no longer inhibited anyways, diminishes her credibility as a villain even further.     

3. This fails to inform the audience of Zhan Tiri’s motivations. Like yes, she wants to get back at Demantius, but why? What did he do? Why did they have a falling out? And why on earth does she think this pointless act of revenge will matter given that he’s not present to witness it and would be unable to comprehend or care what was going on if he was. He’s a monkey! 

4. This scene does however confirm my suspicions about Zhan Tiri just straight up stealing Varian’s potions. Gah, she’s so lame. Worst daemon ever.  

Any Chance At This Scene Being Heartwarming Is Undermined By The Mindtrap Subplot. 

As I pointed out last episode, its unclear how the sleeper agent thing works. I’m not entirely sure how much agency Edmund or Quirin has right now. It would make sense that they were acting upon their own free will until Cass commanded otherwise, which would also make things more tragic. Especially since manipulative chess master isn’t Cassandra’s style. 

(Then again have sleeper agents isn’t her style either. Heck, her using the mind trap at all feels really out of character and goes against her whole ‘wanting agency’ arc and makes her look even more like a hypocrite, but whatever.) 

However, on the flip side of things Edmund and Quirin don’t interact or show any real emotion towards one another. That could be a hint towards them trying to hide their connections to the Brotherhood and this scene of Edmund being lucid could be foreshadowing that he’s being controlled

Only Quirin feels like a robot in season three and Edmund has never been consistent. The writing is lazy and refuses to acknowledge anyone’s relationship other then Rapunzel’s and Cassandra 90% of the time. 

In short, I have no clue what this exchange is trying to convey. I can’t tell if it’s suppose to be tragic irony, ominous foreboding, or a piss poor take at trying to get me to like Edmund. 

Well, either way, it fails at all three. 

(Also, for the record, old people telling me what a good wife I’d make someday is fucking creepy and annoying and not a compliment, ever.) 

Oh Don’t Suddenly Pretend Like You Care About New Dream’s Relationship Now Show

The writers have spent an entire season trying to destroy this ship. Not less than five minutes ago I had to sit there and watch Rapunzel insult Eugene and dismiss his boundaries. Meanwhile, Eugene keeps getting shoved out of the limelight in favor of Cassandra to the point where she’s literally stealing New Dreams scenes from the movie at the end. 

This entire scene is empty pandering and not any form of real development, because it’s constantly contradicted and undermined by the narrative. 

What A Waste

This is too little too late. 

We should have had this earlier in the season, after Quirin was freed. We should have seen their reconciliation. We should have heard Quirin’s secrets. What was Varian not ready to know? We should have been able to watch him learn about the Brotherhood. We should have seen them growing closer and mending their relationship, and both working towards being better people. We should have witness Quirin overcoming his depression and trauma to help his son... and... God! 

The two most interesting characters in the entire show, with the most interesting dynamic and the most interesting conflicts, and they’re reduced to... to.. this! 

Bland robot dad pronouncing generic words that are suppose to call back to something meaningful but make no sense in context, while his poor kid is secretly planning on murdering him for the ‘greater good’ because this shows morals are so fucked up!! 

AND IT MAY NOT EVEN BE A SINCERE MOMENT ON QUIRIN’S PART BECAUSE OF THE STUPID MIND TRAP! 

How Is Rapunzel Any Different Than Frederic At This Point?

She’s pointless sending people off to their possible deaths just so that she can get her bestie back. 

There’s no reason for any of these people to fight a damn demon over a stupid island. They all could just literally move away to somewhere else and tell Rapunzel to fuck off. There’s especially even less reason to run blindly into danger using her dumbass plan. Not when she could have used .. literally any other plan, like stealth, or a distraction, or lured Cass and Zhan Tiri into a trap... or anything! 

This just the same awful set up from Secret of the Sundrop transposed here. 

The series literally turned the main protagonist into their horrible, abusive, selfish dictator of a father and called it ‘positive character growth’.

The Tone Is Still Off

Everyone is running towards their deaths, but we still got time for a joke. 

Oh and I guess Ruddiger isn’t traumatized from being transformed into a monster by Varian in season one now.  Okay.

This Is Such A Stupid Plan

Why not sneak in? Why did you run inside and what did you expect to happen? Cassandra has magic rocks and you got a guy with a baguette! You weren’t able to fight her off last time so what makes you think that this time will be any different? 

Also none of you thought it remotely suspicious that ya’ll didn’t meet any resistance at all when storming the castle? This just screams trap, but everyone just shrugs their shoulders and carries on anyways.  

Also the castle is huge. There’s still no grantee that Zhan Tiri would be dumb enough to walk into the throne room where you’ve built the portal at. If your plan was to lure her there, then why didn’t you just lure her outside where you had the advantage of the terrain?

Zhan Tiri Is Still Lame 

Just kick her ass Rapunzel. It’s not like she could stop you. 

Also Zhan Tiri’s grand plan is just... waiting in a corner in the hopes that Rapunzel would just show up at exactly the right time? 

Wha the fu--?

Wait, How Long Has She Been Trapped Again? 

Woah, woah, woah! Demanitus said it was a millennia. A... as in only one. And even then, it still didn’t make any sense there when he said it. 

Are we now implying that Demanitus and Zhan Tiri have been having their little lovers spat while she’s been trapped in the netherworld? Are we implying that Demanitus gained his disciples and they betrayed him for Zhan Tiri after he had thrown her sorry ass into a portal? How does that even work? She can only appear to certain people under specific conditions, and has no real powers outside of the dream realm. 

Are we also implying that Demanitus was always immortal and if so why the fuck was he looking for the sundrop to begin with? It was also said that the sundrop was never found until Gothel got to it, but that still begs the question of how he and Zhan Tiri knew about it. I’m also still wondering who wrote all the incantations. 

What the fuck is the lore here?

Also why are you wasting time posturing Raps? Just kick her ass already!

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE! 

Why does the eclipse weaken Rapunzel’s powers? It’s not like she can’t fight at night or anything.

Why and how are you able to steal her powers when she’s been weakened in such a way? They’re suppose to be a part of her internally. The power literally run through her veins. Are planning to cut her open and drink her blood? On a Disney show for toddlers?   

Also why did you need Rapunzel inside the palace for this? Why did you need to over throw the kingdom for this? How did you know that she would make it back here on time instead of just leaving or waiting till later to attack? Wouldn’t it have been smarter for Zhan Tiri to hold off on attacking the capitol until this point in order to catch Rapunzel off guard, instead of pointless bragging about it for several episodes?  

Why was Cassandra needed for any of this? Couldn’t you have just stolen the moonstone from her long before now and carried out this plan by yourself Zhan Tiri? It’s not like you needed the eclipse to do that? Nor did you need the mind trap for that matter as well. 

Why did Rapunzel come back here when Zhan Tiri had already warned her of the eclipse back in Race to the Spire? Why was her dumb plan to storm the castle instead of waiting till after the eclipse was over, build the portal outside, and then lure Zhan Tiri and Cass out? It’s not like she was under a time crunch or anything!   

It’s so dumb you guys... it’s so, so, so incredibly stupid... it hurts, it’s so pointless. 

I Fucking Hate This!!!

Everything about this scene is just so fucking wrong. 

If had to list off the worst three moments of the show it would be “Am I the Bad Guy’, Rapunzel's failed apology to Varian in the cell, and this scene here. 

Rapunzel gets to pointless risk everyone’s life just so she can ‘win back’ her toxic best friend who has abused and assaulted countless people by now for purely selfish reasons, and this is treated as the noble and morally correct thing to do by the series. 

While the poor abused teenager has to sacrifice his own father’s life, actually had to out right kill his dad, the person who had risked everything to save, in order to rescue they very people who put him through that abuse all because the main character wants to selfishly win the toxic best friend that placed his dad under mind control to begin with!!! 

And this is deemed the heartwarming end to Varian’s redemption arc!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!!?????

NO! No! no, no, no, no, no, Nooooo! 

And don’t give me any bullshit about his dad not really being dead. It’s fucking electricity! I don’t care how smart Varian is, there’s no physical way he could have known that is wouldn’t kill nor permanently disable his dad. I currently work as a appliance repairman and when your out in the field you treat 5 volts or 2500 volts the same way... with the idea that either could kill you, because it can. 

Tasers are considered only ‘less lethal’ not ‘non-lethal’ for a reason. They’re less likely to kill you than a bullet, but they can still kill you. And that’s what Varian had to use on his dad. He had to taser his own father... In. The. Head. The Head.... You know the location where the brain is stored!!!??? 

I can barely formulate words to explain how angry I am right now.

This is what we were leading up to all long? This is what we’re trying to teach children? ‘Hey it’s okay kids if the system bullies you, subjugates you, and tries to kill you in order to benefit the rich. Those selfish rich assholes are actually ‘nice’ people who are simply misunderstood and they just need a hug, and you should gladly sacrifice all that you hold dear to keep them happy!’ 

Ha.. ha.. ha... Fuck This Show!!! 

Oh but it’s okay he has ‘friends’ now.... the very same ‘friends’ that persecuted him, attacked him, and threw him in a dungeon to rot instead of helping him. While giving Daddy Dictator King Frederic a free pass. 

This is sick. 

This is garbage. 

This is classist conservative propaganda, and it’s not even trying to hide it anymore.

How The Fuck Is This Suppose To Work?

Ok, so Tumblr has a limit on images I can put in a single post, and I really didn’t want to break up this review into even more parts than it already is, so I’m not sure how clear this scene is due to lack of screen caps. However, the gist of the scene is that Rapunzel scares Zhan Tiri off by willing her hair to glow so bright it creates a big concussive blast of light... to be followed by said light attaching itself to the broach on her dress.... 

Yeah, it’s as confusing as it sounds. 

For starters Rapunzel’s powers have never been adequately explained, and the inclusion of the incantations subplot, that promptly gets dropped as soon as it’s introduced into the narrative, undermines this impressive display. Now add on the fact that Zhan Tiri is a super lame villain and not a threat at all, this scene is just very underwhelming and holds neither tension nor gratification. 

Also, it doesn’t make a lick of scene for all of Rapunzel’s internal powers to congeal inside her external piece of jewelry. How the fuck is that suppose to work? What would have happened if had she chosen wear a different outfit that day of the gopher grab? What if she had barrowed more practical clothes from Varian for this specific fight? Would all of Zhan Tirir’s plans been foiled had Rapunzel decided not wear a needless pin? 

Oh, This Is Just Dumb

So Varian nearly murdering his father was a complete waste of a plot point because the dumb bird sends them all to the netherworld anyways!!!! 

Is there anything in this stupid finale that isn’t pointless!!? 

Conclusion

So there’s part one done. Only two more episodes to go, plus the shorts, and the recap. So stay tuned and Happy New Year. 

[manic-pixie-dream-dude]

Ooo, cracked moonstone!Varian AU? I wanna hear more about that! And if it has any varipunzel elements to it, because sun and moon parings are just 👌

!!!! Thank you for the interest!!!!

This AU in its broadest strokes is me mixing all my love for var with my Opinion Saltmine over the lost potential into a "what if Varian's character and his relationship w Raps was used to its full potential and we added emotional + physical pain for flavor" concoction lmao.

(ramble as per usual under the cut. Enjoy!)

It started cus I just... couldn't get over how Var's motivation became a punchline to a joke in S3. He never got to develop or mature even though he's aged like everyone else. I also had gripes w Moon!Cass and her character/relationship development. This is me having fun while trying to rectify that.

In terms of the story, I wanted Varian to start with a shard because I really liked how it'd visually resemble his one blue hair stripe. And the idea of that shard acting as a compass pin was also a very "Aha! 💡" moment for me lol.

Personally, I think it'd be neat if the moonstone was just. Fuckt Up. if Raps had held it first, it would've mended itself permanently with the healing incantation, but she doesn't, and the result is an item that inherently embodies hurt and death, now unstable and hurting its holder.

Note: I placed the opal over Varian's heart because having something directly harm such a vital organ was interesting. With it, he's hurting but without it, he might hurt even more.

I love to put my fave character in situations where they're doomed one way or another :))

--

Also yes ABSOLUTELY there's varipunzel ajdjaksk. It was sorta inevitable that the plot ended up surrounding their relationship! oh to be celestially tethered with your friend-turned-enemy......

Though the relationship isn't like Moon!Cass and Raps. It's the opposite if anything. They're on the same side when they finally get to the moonstone, both having the full intention of fixing the opal before Raps can do her Thing.

(But then Cass' Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal further fucks w everything, but that's neither here nor there.)

The progression here is more of a slow-burn 'friends to enemies to rekindled friends to "Oh my God we just wanna hang out but Evil Bitch Diety and her goons refuse to leave us alone" to lovers'.

I mentioned this in my meta post but I don't think how quickly both were to anger made much sense character-wise. Varian is a supposedly lonely kid, he'd be more forgiving of his (all things considered) first and best friend. Raps is a compassionate and empathetic person who'd be more distraught with the progression of events.

Both of them figuring out their emotions while apart and then when together is big a part of this AU. Their relationship goes from mutual hurt to mutual understanding and a desire to try again, learn to trust again.

Plus! There's the mirroring of the arcs. The grind-my-teeth-to-dust potential that I wanna expand on. Varian grapples with making his own destiny and purpose and position amidst the chaos that is his life while Rapunzel grapples with the stress of having a set destiny while balancing her friendships at the same time.

Both their arcs occur simultaneously! They gotta have long-lasting effects on each other!! THEY GOTTA!!

Even in canon, Varian is something that stays with Rapunzel for A While. I wanna see Rapunzel give him hope for the world and inspires him to become a better person!!! And for Varian to ground her and inspires her to see the world from a different perspective and become a better future queen in turn!!!!

--

I also wanna mention the other characters! I don't care for Fook Hoot nor Shorty if I'm being honest but I do care for the rest of the gang. Specifically Cass and Eugene. In summary, Eugene being the person who can understand Cass where Raps doesn't is interesting and could really be used to develop their friendship.

Cass having a bond with more than one person would add to the shock of her betraying the team methinks. Right when you think she's finding comradery, things go to shit.

Also, she's still an antagonist/antagonist-adjacent, but driven with fear abt raps fully abandoning her if she finds out abt the whole Gothel thing rather than anger. Again.... doesn't make sense for it to be the main emotion when there's Other Stuff going on. This is a long way to say I'm smacking some abandonment issues onto her.

--

But yeah! That's the gist for now. I really hope I get to make a whole post with the actual plot some other time, I've got Many Thoughts for this AU.

Thanks a bunch if you read up until this point! As a gift, here's wip:

[aziraphalesbookkeeper]

Do you have any other tangled aus you would like to share with the class????

Oh Nonny I have a million and a half aus that roll around in my brain at all times

Uhhh I've already discussed the your name au, the summer camp au, and now the Beetlejuice au...let me think

Imaginary Friend AU - Before Zhan Tiri tried to manipulate Cass, she tried to possess Varian. As a child of the DK with a mark left by the Moonstone, he can see her, unlike most other individuals. To him, she's his imaginary friend who encourages him to touch the black rocks/gives dubious advice. She's the personified voice of his villainous side. To her, he's the perfect puppet--if only she can manipulate the kid into letting her possess him to finally get the sundrop. Basically, a rewrite of some important moments in the series but with that pesky lil demon being a voice in Var's ear.

Pushing Daisies Varigo AU - Moon!Varian has a small problem. He can raise the dead with just one touch. Hugo has an even bigger problem. He dies on a job by falling off a roof. Fortunately for Hugo, he lands on this guy who accidentally brings him back to life. Hugo gets the hell out of dodge before he can really question whatever magic bullshit just happened, while Varian panics because he's never brought a person back to life before. He has to find them before he tells someone about this power! Cue both of them chasing each other through the DK, then striking up a deal. Rumor has it that the Sundrop can bring people back to life, for good. Hugo wants his life back. Varian wants to see if his celestial opposite can take away these destructive powers. Var has never really left the DK castle before, so he needs Hugo's street smarts. Hugo is literally a dead man walking, and some part of him is bound to Varian because, hello, bodies gotta serve their necromancers. They make a deal to travel to Corona together, with one hitch: they can never, ever touch. Which can become a problem when you slowly start to fall in love.

I just have a lot of thoughts about the Moonstone lore involving necromancy okay

Brotherhood Reveal AU - My obligatory s1/s2 rewrite. When Quirin gets locked in the amber, Var tears up the house to find anything that'll help him break his dad out. He discovers Quirin's secret chest filled with DK stuff because hello, it was RIGHT THERE. One chat with Xavier reveals that his dad isn't actually Coronian, and he's been keeping more secrets than Varian thought. Cue him leaving to find this mysterious Moonstone to help him break out of the amber instead of having a villain arc.

On the road, he meets a woman named Adira, who is annoyingly persistent about traveling with Varian. With Adira, he works through his issues with Rapunzel and his guilt around what happened during QFAD. Then, they run into this other, much scarier guy named Hector, who freaks the fuck out when he sees Varian and Adira together. He tries to forbid them from going any further than his tree (which has some awesome ancient markings on it!) but Adira reminds Hector that, while seeking out the Moonstone is forbidden, technically, Varian isn't a DK outsider. Hector begrudgingly accepts this logic and joins them on their journey. Varian doesn't understand why these random adults keep insisting they need to travel with him.

They make it to the DK, and he convinces Edmund to let him do studies on the Moonstone. After a day or two, Rapunzel and her crew show up at the DK to seek out answers about the Moonstone. She and Varian have a heart-to-heart because by now he's had time to cool off and is more understanding of where she came from during QFAD. She's not expecting him to be so level-headed and is pleasantly surprised/apologizes for everything. Together the freckle sibs figure out the Moonstone/decay incantation and head back home to save Quirin. (Also??? Apparently Eugene is a prince and Varian is his cousin???? Edmund breaks out the family tree chart and Varian fanboys over being related to The Flynn Rider--)

It's honestly a crime that Varian didn't get to go to the Great Tree to see all those Demanitus markings. I'm literally so weak for the Brotherhood taking care of Varian without Varian knowing they're his family, and so much could have changed if Adira had taken five minutes to check in on her nephew post-QFAD. She was IN CORONA, she knew who Quirin was, and also she knew Varian??? Auntie, do better.

UHHHHHH there are probably others but that's all I can think of for now! 💖 ty for picking my brain!!

[withered--s0uls]

Vat7k random headcanons.

Varian:

Trans FtM (tho I enjoy MtF Var too :3)

Bisexual (was intended canon in vat7k)

When originally not trusting Hugo, he makes it painfully obvious to him in the way he acts around him vs around Yong and Nuru

Writes NewDream & his Dad letters :3 probably whenever arriving in & leaving a new Kingdom!

I prefer the vest design so uh; I hc the reason he has 2 hairstripes now is a result of the S3 finale. I hc his canon hairstripe is from the fact his dad was hit by a blast of the moonstone. The 2nd one is a "scar" from dying and being revived in the S3 finale (I imagine Eugene has a similar "scar" in a blonde strand of hair from the movie. Also Cass and Raps each having ones in their respective colours bc of being past users. Also yes this implies the entirety of ppl who helped in the S3 finale has blonde/gold and/or turquoise/blue "scars" from the S3 finale somewhere in their hair or on their body)

Alchemist and engineer rivalry with Hugo bc Hugo likes to be a smartass

Hugo is his first proper masc crush, he doesn't really count his celebrity crush on Eugene he had as a kid

I hc his surname to be VanGuard (inspired by "His Little Light" on AO3)

Slavic from his dads side (not sure what specific country I hc the DK as but I like the idea of it being slavic)

Hugo:

Genderfluid (amab if anyone cares)

Pansexual

Never actually had like time for proper romance due to his work, so he doesn't actually know how to deal with catching feelings for Varian and Var seemingly reciprocating them (its different to actually love someone opposed to pretending for a job)

Actually really good with kids! This shows in him actually helping care for Yong a lot (he sneaks a Flynn Rider book from Varians bag and reads it to Yong as bedtime story lol)

Probably met Eugene and possibly Lance in their criminal pasts

Having beef with Nuru bc oh no royalty and royals suck (he doesn't understand how Varian can be best friends with a princess [Raps] either) at the start but learns through her that some aren't just stuck up selfish assholes

Teasingly tries to one-up Varians alchemy

Post-vat7k he stays in Corona with Var! First working as his assistant until being offered the role of royal advisor (bc fuck Nigel)

Not a hc bc it is his original DND surname, but personally I go with the surname Rottewange for him (seen some ppl use different ones)

Russian (ah yes the common "Ingvarr is Russia" hc)

Yong:

Probably not the best relationship with his family considering they just sent him off with some stranger from another kingdom

Basically the collective little brother of the group

Hugo jokingly calls him Varians kid after finding out his clumsiness and exploding projects are something Var used to experience too

Gets along well with everyone in the squad yay

He really likes Ruddiger too, getting all excited when seeing him for the first time (I imagine he loves animals :3)

Him and Nuru definitely catch on the fact Varigo both crush on each other way before the two actually admit it themselves

To make him more relatable to Varian, I also imagine him being a Farmboy too

Kinda canon bc it seems to be his clothing inspo + some concept art aspects but; Chinese

Nuru:

Lesbian or at least Sapphic, kinda realizes that when they meet Vars cousins (if you read "Varians Tangled Trials" yk why lol. Nuru and Amber my beloved.)

Huge mistrust towards Hugo

Yong and her often pacify the situation if Varigo alchemist rivalry goes a bit too far

NOT the mom of the group. She's a kid lol. (Hugo and Varian being the only adults and actually having to take responsibility for the two minors >>)

Regardless she's still rather mature in handling situations bc raised as a princess so she knows how to behave

She however is a bit more fun as herself, which the other three would learn over time. Especially when she nerds out about the stars.

Her title as princess as well as Varians as Coronas royal engineer prove useful a lot on their journey

Post-vat7k she would probably try to seek out Varian at royal gatherings so they can catch up. If he's not there then she seeks out Rapunzel to ask about how he's doing :3

Idk just random stuff, nowhere near everything lol.

Dont have surname hcs for the kiddos so uh yeah idk feel free to share yours? Ig Nuru would just be "of Koto(/whatever Kingdom you assign her to)" bc princess or smth? For Yong I might look into some chinese surnames mayhaps...

Also don't have a nationality hc for Nuru so feel free to pitch yours lol

[bestworstcase]

do you think that if they hadn't gone on a journey (like the s2 follow the rocks thing) that cass and raps might have been able to build/develop a healthier relationship?

tricky question because on the one hand. the erosion of hierarchical lines and lack of structure they had whilst on the road was a HUGE factor in how and why the cass+rapunzel friendship derailed the way it did, and that wouldn’t have happened had they stayed in corona. but on the other hand, if we begin with the assumption that the black rocks stuff never happens—ergo, there is no reason for rapunzel et al to leave corona on a quest—then… well you don’t just delete the stressors that emerged during the journey. you also delete the thing that saved cassandra from being forced into a convent.

black rocks or no black rocks, cass would’ve snuck rapunzel out for the night before the coronation, and rapunzel would almost certainly still have written about it in her journal, and there’s a not insignificant chance of frederic still reading it and still freaking out. in canon cass does not end up in a convent because varian terroristically attacks the city, kidnaps the queen, and creates an opportunity for cass to ‘redeem’ herself to the king by leading the counterattack—but if there’s no black rocks there’s no amber and no reason for varian to spiral into villainy and no immediate crisis to prevent cass from getting sent away, so either she makes a break for it the second she’s out of sight of the palace or she ends up stuck in a fucking convent until such time as she is able to escape, neither of which is especially conducive to friendship building on account of 1. separation and 2. likelihood of building resentment over how indirectly her friendship with the princess destroyed her life.

where do we go from there? idk it depends what a s2 in corona looks like—hypothetically i’d imagine that in total absence of the sundrop/moonstone drama the separatists would become the main vehicle for arc conflict, with rapunzel’s fury at her dad for having cass sent away providing secondary conflict. i want to say she might bounce to look for cass eventually but, well, s3,

in the additional absence of the convent imprisonment / escape though, in a scenario where everything’s hunky dory in corona and the early s1 status quo holds for longer than a couple months, i… think that would remain stable for quite a bit LONGER but i do think ultimately it was still unsustainable, if only because cass so clearly does not want to be rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting and rapunzel equally clearly on some level wants cass to be happy as her lady-in-waiting slash doesn’t emotionally grasp the distinction between “cass doesn’t like being my servant” and “cass doesn’t like ME” bc she lacks the social experience and emotional vocabulary to understand Cassandra vs Lady-in-Waiting-Mode Cass, and like… that’s bound to become sticky sooner or later, even if it doesn’t escalate to anywhere near the level of violent toxicity that emerged over the course of the black rock trip. eventually cass is gonna hit a point where she cannot stay in corona anymore, where her place in this society becomes intolerable, and raps isn’t going to be able to deal with that well, and it’ll be Messy, i think that’s inevitable to an extent.

just it might be more of a ‘cass is moving to ingvarr suddenly and we have a nasty fight about it before she leaves and bad feelings linger for an uncomfortably long time before we can cautiously revisit things by letter’ than a ‘cass razed corona to the ground and is besties with a demon now oh no’ type of mess kgjfmfbd

[no-more-treason-guys]

moonstone varian au where zhan tiri showed up as the blizzard to get to him but she didnt account for this 14 year old going fucking feral and getting arrested for various crimes and treason so she had to manipulate someone else to get to varian and thats why she chose cass