#want forever. and brother that shit was enlightening it was like my third eye opened when i realized that

[puppyeared]

my attempt at making a fursona

[screechingtrashcalzonewombat]

"Apopalictic Astral Asending" Reavaluate disassociate my self worth...

The galaxies have birthed an uncontrollable being ....

I've feel as tho Ive seen myself split in two ..

Witch side do u wanna see if ur lucky I'll let you choose .

Cause in the end I loose..

One of hate one of love could both be from up above..

Or down below ...

I've began to show signs of delusions as half my mind goes an tells me it's only mild confusion. As my body fights my brain an heart to escape theys terrible illusions.

Yet the other half tries to start a fusion of body an mind an all the suddently my thoughts are no longer mine..

But a evil so Divine that its wound it's way threw time itself I've fealt the damage the energy dealt. I've yelped in anquish an pain been stuck for 7 long years in the rain with nothing to gain .. I can barely fathom to explain im not fully on earth I'm on another astral plane but i fear i flew out of my lane I've gone insane never wanted fame Ever fealt like bat man I mean oops Bruce Wayne. Nah fuck hes spoiled a wet rat infact I'm more like hulk duck when I'm near i wearly see I'm drowning inside my mind but no one can hear my dear I fear I've lost control again but cant compute I've been booted out of the system I've clawed hit an kicked to try to get to the top but i outta of known I've been ripped an thrown from my throne ive been shown what this beast can do but who woulda thought a demon bought my soul ..a jackal a goul.....you'll see me shift into numbness I suposse it was my own dumbness for being to open now cause of me my body an mind are broken an stole. as I weep an shutter an i try to speak but only stutter I found myself weak in defeat ....as ik this demon reaching its peak will plunder an pillage the town I've found I'm bound to this beast nowhere to run not north south or east I can run it will feast on my soul until the end of time ..

For diamonds cannot compare to the rarity of a soul nor a bowl of Ruby's an jems rolled in gold .....

A bold statement you say........

.. theres no ray of light here they stole it away buried it in your mind but how can u define being locked trapped in yourself ...

You've dealt your own fate ...

Wanting ansers u dint deserve ..

Did you like your just dessert's...no?

Dose it hurt ..... After you itll kill children's childhood freinds like bernie & eart ....whent bizzirk an bashed there brains makeing bloody rains

curking on everyone with cutlery forks an knifes* slice *cook big bird with chives after I've shanked him 900 times... 100 more woulda been devine serve him drink to dry alone cooked an ripped him to the bone but not quite alone u may not be home inside but u can still watch...I thought I taught u better than to close ur eyes dont beg or look surprised look away an I'll adopt another stray to do the same a slow sweet death cure's my hunger anyway

.the wines innocents blood bitter sweet to the taste of the tounge

no one thought it capable I seemed...looked ...so young..

They dint know it had just begun it wasn't me but the evil half committing crime with glee an fleeing repetavidly revealingly images to my mind of times & crimes so sickening I thought I'd die forever scetched seered into my mind .binded with no power as one towers over you using your power you cowar for how dose one define the disasbalment of there an every defined mind while ur inner demon dines on flesh making a mess of your vessel you cant even wrestle your way to the light to stay only break down in defeat that your so far away you've became an internal mess cant even stand on ur feet the beast has u chained in defeat u cry an apologize looking for answers as of how to stop.....an then...you hear a voice .." you outta stayed silent instead of talk back. U shouldn't of complained do u still think ur life used to be pain...... . Ur a sack of shit ur wit is less than that of an ant not to rant but I'm not done yet I have ur soul now I'm never letting go no no no I have plenty more so much to show many souls to reap an emotions to subdue after all u said yes.....

...did you forget ur the one who started this.

mess ......you dressed your mind with fantasy an fiction word to the wise never mess with other worldly friction an your itching for a way out but I doubt ull get there before the end of time .after all you had a devil an an angel on ur shoulder an you chose wrong this time. Only took 666 times but I'm patient an always waiting for 6 years hating an burning flesh waiting for a prayer a call after all Lucifer was once an angel an the most beautiful you just dint get to see from what angle he had beauty wrath an determination but u humans resulted in his isolation incarsorason. So now we will end up being humanity's enialation when were done there entire selves with evaporate for the demons have released self hate to pro create creatures in confidence we annihilate the fate of the human race at least the trace slight like us able to bust threw dementions so weve mentioned a start to find the inordinary soul an heart ......humanity was doomed from the start.. you stole our purpose our reason to be......humans sit in sin an glee.

Your humanitys Pride is overbearing never genuinely caring ..

Greed is sweeping the nation its reached ever state an it's got a hot heaping plate of corruption for mankind's consumption greed is grotesque in its steps of the darkest quest to corupt ur mind an want. .want..want until that's all you are is wanting more

Lusting over losely draped garments you've tarnished ur soul .

Envy of what you do not posses but for all you know that information an life would make you a mess but ud still test ur envious tendencies.....

Glutton glutton what have you gained it's not knowledge no for it's to plain rather glutton uve found a urge that wont go away....

Wrath an vengeance blood draw too no one stops till some dies him or you....

Sloth last but not least cant forget you cause uuuh wait what that fuck do u do....you sleep an sulk sit slither out of simple tasks an that's why ur not 1st no ur last like humanity just ask ....

So soon the day will draw near the the number 4 is what you should fear our dear old freinds were sending up for a visit so they can reddit ur fate for each a horse an a trait the first out the door with bow in hand riding a white horse with bow in hand

..

Conquest the start of the final test leading the restthere dark version of light on a white stallion he leads the way an soon will follow hades anyway.

War was next on a red steed he rode prepared to purge an quench new blood for the wars an battels would just begin brother against brother an close of kin witch to win?

Famine foe of all on a black horse with the courses hair so fair merely bone but dont let his appearance fool you hes for he is full devouring your greed taking away everything you want or need an now ur rationed to nearly starvation stretching farther than destination world wide sensation...

Pleage reaper of souls slowly apears steadly trotting riding a very sickly steed looking pale an almost gruesome green with sores an sickness best keep a distance. For he shall be the bringer of death an reap you all one by one to the four you shall fall...

Will you be spared are you true....

Are you happy with your life what did you do...?

Rapture no you still must die.....

Say good by to this earthy chapter theres so much more that manifest after.

But only your earthly husk must rust an fall your all energy of grate mass....

It's time to take the task of self evolvment an enjoy an enlightened installment

this world was just step wrench ur third eye wide open an accept the token of eternal life.

Grinded it to atoms a flash of dust all together ur a self fulfilling must memory pass u in a rush.....

. sudently ur bodysuit is gone ....

But it dint felt like it quite belonged.

You were 7 grams of light matter to be exact an sudently you've cracked the atmosphere ..steering energetic waves my metal psyche caves to the new information flying threw stars consolations.

Suddently speeding at the sound of light the stratosphere seems to disapear ..

My fear is gonewithout a trace an freedom transferred in its place

but am waved in infatuation to find out about out true destination...

Restoration of the soul the goal of a higher self being achieved as I crash into the sun 1500°

I feel a warmth like no other each being hues of light I might of missed earth if not I heard a voice but a mental push no need for speech just thinking it shall be done said by the the brightest in the sun.

Rejoice at last but ur journeys yet to pass ..

This is merely were you start ....

Our flames grew high with frantic waves not wanting to give up the new life we were just gave

Suddenly our flames grew dim as we felt a swirling deep from withn sudently the surface of the sun turned to tin an bent in a cracked an caved with itself our time an space sending us ascending in alignment the same assignment.

Because the sun has begun to change ina twisted way a black hole some could say.

As all of our astral beings were ripped an tore apart at the seams we all merged an formed one all knowing creative being an sudently everything I've know has little matter I'm past a point of human chatter i understand infinity the holy trinity I down in the milky way an experienced every life I've relived it twice I've spliced my genetics into over 2000 million beings I've seen good an bad in between experienced every tragedy to build my strength an studyd every thesis an theory thread an chain nearly drove my vessel insane even took knifes threw my veins in anger yet it failed I was just a trailer.ive seen love hate an anger

Comprehension compasing many others I have love an understanding past many beings there anger seems to brush by me cause I'm with 2000 souls an minds that have formed one to reach a state I can medidate in the milky way an force your negative away .

Our astral self has accumulated complete power an understanding by costuming to our full potential our old body's merely a rental.

Gentle at first then bursted into power showered in knowledge I know now much that I wondered before but now I want more an I've thought till I an 2000 shared beings head hurt cause my girth of knowledge will now never be enough it's tough cause now I must find .... how to ascend again but for now i must defend my vast mind defind crime ...?

Keeping 2000 vast voices locked away so I can focus an try to learn anyway leaning in to vast places is I the 1st 2nd or 3rd or other many plains I cant quiet place I'm traveling threw them all searching for everything I couldn't before .

This life isent like the countless other this life I like it has interesting teathers

I've surpass Angel's an there feathers an vison of a hawk.

I've surpass demonds and there demonic temping talk ..

I've walked on water as I was ripped apart an I felt my self rebuilt every cell of my being got hit with rods of power lightning not even myself can fight me god like abilities the universe as built in me theres ben a spiritual shift a tilt in me somthing generations of DNA sprawled out in a numerical display my old life experiences is the price I pay so that I can be god even if only for a day

I think I'll sit an think somewere in the outter spink of the universe I've cursed myself with knowledge an now I'm aware step into my astral space....

If you dare...

[inkstaineddove]

The Difference Between Nations

Pairing: USUK, GerAme. Background Spamano, Franada, PruHun

Characters: America, Germany, Britain. Brief appearances by Romano, Spain, Canada, France, Prussia, and Hungary

Summary: America's been noticing Germany's rise back to the forefront of Europe and the power it holds over the continent. He decides to try and relate to a nation who he sees as very similar to himself.

Alfred sighed, staring at his reflection in the mirror. "Do we really have to go to this? It sounds so lame, dude." He adjusted his bowtie and attempted to flatten down his cowlick. He rolled his eyes, frustrated at its persistence to defy gravity. "A ball sounds really old and stuffy and like something that should've been left in the eighteen hundreds." Arthur stood at the sink, putting on some cologne. "We don't have to, but I'd prefer we're not the only two nations that skipped. People are talking about us enough between Trump and Brexit. We don't need any more bad press." He straightened up and put on his diamond cuff links. "It's a good opportunity to warm up to all the European countries again so I get a better deal once the divorce is finalized." He winked at the American. "If it helps, you look dead sexy in a suit. Almost makes me want to blow the party early to start one of our own." America smiled and wrapped his arms around the Briton's hips, pulling him closer to him. "You think flattery's gonna work on me? Because it totally will, please keep going." Alfred kissed the nape of the other man's neck, moving up towards his lips. "Why not have a pre-party before?" 

Britain pushed him off and started moving for the door. "As enticing as that idea may be, we have to go. If we show up too late, the frog will be all over us and insinuating a lot of things that he doesn't need to know about."

"He's gonna insinuate anyway!" Alfred grumbled, but followed his lover despite his objections. He kept complaining the whole drive from London to Vienna. Alfred rolled his eyes when Roderich's house was in sight. "Ya'know what's bullshit? Homeboy's owned this place for centuries and it must cost a fuckton of Euros, but he still needed loans after both wars. I should've refused." "Ah, yes. You could've refused after the Great War and brought the second one upon us sooner or refused after the second and have him be a satellite state for the USSR. That would've been so much better for Austria, Europe, and the world as a whole. Dammit, Alfred, why don't you make even more brash decisions?" America flipped him the bird. "I hate you so much." Britain handed the keys to the valet. "Then get out of my car." The two walked up and into the house. Before stepping into the main ballroom, Alfred offered Arthur his arm. That elicited an eye roll and blush from Arthur. Nonetheless, he gratefully took it. The ballroom was an explosion of color and sound. Vibrant paintings were hanging throughout, surrounded by jeweled frames that sparkled in the bright lights of the various chandeliers. Above the hum of the other nation's voices, a full orchestra could be heard playing a variety of classical pieces - both contemporary and from centuries past. Arthur shook his head. "This takes you back to the Enlightenment." Alfred shrugged. "Needs more revolution to fit my memory of the time." His partner elbowed him as France, Canada, Spain, and Romano walked up to them. "Matthew, Lovino, great to see you," Arthur then groaned in response to the sight of their dates. "Great, the three musketeers are here. Wait, where's the third? How are you not lost without your frightful leader?" Francis took Arthur's hand and kissed it. "Angleterre, you look as dreadful as always. Your eyes, the shade of fresh vomit. Your complexion, that of a ghost. Your voice sends a shiver up my spine like one, yet you are about as threatening as Casper." He smiled genuinely at Alfred. "Amèrique, so good to see you again. How's your country going? When should I expect the announcement of a union between you and Ivan?" Matthew sighed. "Do you have to start a fight? We're all supposed to be friends..." He was so tired. He wished everyone would grow up and find peace within themselves to not be petty all the time. "I'd give you a proper response, but I heard you're on strike from all common sense so I won't waste my breath. Though you're awfully mean tonight. Who spiked your wine? Normally you're funnier than this. Where's my comedy?" Arthur sighed. "He's pissy 'cause that piano bastard rejected his wine. I don't blame him, French wine tastes like piss," Lovino shrugged. Antonio gave him a look. "He rejected yours as well." Lovino took a sip from a bottle of red wine. "The bastard's loss is my gain. I'm happy I was smart enough to bring two." He pointed with the un-open bottle. "The albino bastard was helping Elizaveta help the piano fuck with something." He turned around and started walking away. "I'm gonna get hammered. I hate these things." America saluted him as he walked away. "Godspeed, dude." Gilbert came sauntering up to them with Erzsébet. His shirt was a bit untucked in a way that was meant to look effortless, but he'd spent at least ten minutes working on and his tie was loosened. Erzsébet's usual flower had been replaced with one matching her green dress. "Alright! Now the party can actually start! Francis, 'Tonio, Al, and we'll get ol' Artie a little drunk so he can relax and have some fun. Matty, are you in or are you in? I saw Lovino had already started so we gotta start catching up to him." Prussia grinned wickedly. "Either that or we can take Silesia for old time's sake. It's not too far from here. I remember the route." Hungary hit his arm. "You're not getting shit faced here! If you do, I won't hear the end of it from Roderich or Feliks! You'll also embarrass your brother-" "I embarrass him all the time. But, if it means so much to you, I'll be sober enough to function throughout this whole boring thing." Gilbert kissed her cheek. He then turned his attention back to the group. "So what's up?" Arthur and Francis had been glaring at each other throughout the whole ordeal. Alfred and Matthew were sharing apologetic looks. Antonio was rocking back and forth on his heels, feeling out of place. Gilbert and Erzsébet looked at each other. "I'll catch up with you guys later. We're gonna not be here." He pointed some finger guns at them and the couple left as quickly as possible. Antonio saw that the deadlock remained between the two rivals. He figured they weren't even paying attention and slipped away to find Lovino so they could dance. Meanwhile, Britain and France had come up with more insults to hurl at each other. Canada and America sighed. "You think they'll ever grow up?" Canada asked, not caring if they heard. He knew they wouldn't though. They were too absorbed in themselves. "At their old age? Hell no, bro. We're stuck with them like this. Forever." They both groaned at that prospect. Out of the corner of his eye, America saw Germany by himself, going out onto the balcony. He remembered the mental note he'd made to talk to the other nation at this thing. Alfred patted his brother on the arm. "Hey, I gotta talk to Germany real quick about something. Make sure they don't start a brawl." The American swiftly moved between the sea of nations, apologizing whenever he bumped into someone. He paused before the entrance to the balcony and fixed his jacket and bowtie. He put on his most winning smile and stepped outside. He found Germany with his back to the entrance, staring out over the horizon. The German stood tall and erect with his hands behind his back, showing all his years of military training. America chuckled. "Ya'know, you remind me of what I imagine Jay Gatsby to look like." Germany turned around. He had heard the other’s footsteps so he wasn't surprised at his sudden company. "Hallo, Amerika," he smiled. "I hope I'm not wrong in taking that as a compliment." America walked up besides him. He leaned against the railing. "You're not. Fitzgerald wrote him with sexy in mind. You're not my type, but you're definitely a New York nine." Ludwig raised an eyebrow, but didn't object. He wasn't foolish enough to reject a compliment, even if he didn't believe it's validity. He watched his companion fish for a packet of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pockets. "What's your motive?" Alfred almost dropped the cigarette out of his mouth. He lit it before speaking. "And they say I don't have tact. Dude, what are you talking about?" "We're not friends. Our alliance is one of mutual beneficence. We only talk at meetings or when we have cause due to work. The most I've said to you in a casual setting was thanking you for inviting me to your Christmas party and hoping you had a happy holiday season. You saw me out here alone and came out here alone when you could've easily brought along Britain or Canada to get either away from France." He smirked at the American's shocked expression. "Ja, I saw. The three of you are rather loud. I feel bad for your neighbors." America blinked for a few seconds. "Ok, a lot of questions. First, you actually made a sexual innuendo? Second, why do you always call us by our nation's names? I've got no problem with you calling me Al or Alfred, but I do reject Alfie." "It's not professional. We're nations. Those names are a guise for our people and to make our bosses more comfortable when they're with us." He scoffed. "You act like I have no sense of humor. You know who my brother is. But we're sidetracked. What do you need? Whatever it is, I'll do my best to help you." "Honestly, it was nothing serious. Kinda just wanted to get to know you better. And make up for the bad taste my new boss may have left in your mouth." He smiled sheepishly. Germany laughed softly, unable to help himself at that fresh memory. "I appreciate that. It was quite a bitter one. Frau's worried, but I'm not. We can survive four years." He led America to a bench that was on the other side of the balcony. "If we're going to be here for awhile, may as well be comfortable. Why stand when you can sit?" America leaned back against it. "That's weird coming from you. I thought you were all anal about exercise." "I am, but standing isn't exercise. Also, it's foolish to waste any resources you have readily at your disposal." The two sat in silence. Germany sat expectantly, waiting for America's line of questioning to begin. It took Alfred awhile, but he finally figured out where he wanted to start. "You've been doing real well lately. You're the golden boy of Europe, holding everyone up." "I have to. Your boyfriend leaving the EU makes me the only one with a strong enough economy to help the others. Not like he was always much help anyways, but I can handle it. France will have to pick up some slack though." Ludwig paused and thought for a second. "Schiessen. This better not be some sort of pep talk. Gilbert's given me plenty and Russia tried giving me one a few weeks ago and it was the worst thing I've endured in a long time." Alfred laughed. "For real? Like hell I'd do that. I ain't much older than you. It'd be weird to put you through that. I'd only ever give you advice if you asked and I don't think you would. The only thing I could tell you how to do is win a world war, but you seem to be done with those." "Nein, I've had plenty of time to figure that out as well. Don't back the wrong horse and don't invade other countries under false pretenses then break your treaty with the country that will crush you. It's shockingly simple, but hindsight is twenty-twenty." He joked, but there wasn't a hint of amusement in his voice. America ignored it. "Seriously, dude. I don't get how you do it. If I had that many countries I was responsible for, I think I'd kill myself." Ludwig raised an eyebrow. "You are responsible for more nations than I am. The difference is I do my job better." "Technically I am, but no one realizes unless they have to. Listen to the news, you hear about something in Europe, you're gonna be involved in someway. It's always positive too. That's what blows my mind. None of them hate you-" "Practically all of them hate me." "But they work with you! They'll talk shit about you, complain about you, make some pretty good jokes, but you get stuff done! They don't like you, but they trust you. How?" "You're not at the EU meetings. A lot of the times, stuff doesn't get done that was on the docket. It's the G7, G20, NATO, and UN meetings on a much smaller scale. You're hyping up headlines." The German glanced at the American's cigarette. He had kicked the habit years ago, but this conversation was making him want to pick it back up. America shook his head. "Whatever dude. You know what I'm trying to say. All the others listen to you and you don't even have nukes! I don't get shit done anymore. It's like I'm past my prime. I gotta go into retirement, hang up my jersey." Germany rubbed the bridge of his nose. "If the whole purpose of this was for you to try to get me to reject football and embrace baseball, I'm throwing you off the balcony." "I used to hear all this talk from my old boss about how you kept moving up and moving up," Alfred ignored what the other had said, too lost in his own thoughts. "Even on the news and in some of my paper's. And shit, dude. I can't deny it. For fuck's sake, I see it first hand every month or so!" He laughed and took a drag off his cigarette. He looked up at the night sky. "Makes me think that you should've been a superpower instead of me." There was silence for a long time between them. America was happy with himself. He'd given Germany the best compliment he possibly could. Anything that may have happened between their bosses would now be smoothed over and they could continue working like they had for decades now. He silently congratulated himself on his brilliance. If America had bothered to look at the man besides him instead of at the stars, he would've noticed that he was wrong in how he thought his words would be received. Germany's body was tense and rigid. He ground his teeth together. His hands twitched to smack the proud expression off the other nation's face. He let out a shaky breath. "Go fuck yourself, Alfred." Alfred's gaze snapped at Ludwig. "Huh?" He tilted his head to the side. Germany rose and began pacing the length of the balcony. His body trembled, trying to contain all his anger. "Ja! I should be the one with the nuclear codes! The world would be so much better! I mean, I did have two shots at it. Prussia would be happy if the Hohenzollerns, a family that's slightly less inbred than the Hapsburgs, were making all the important decisions. The 1910s would've been so much better under a kaiser who would've fucked a navy vessel if he could've found an available hole!" America had his arms crossed. He rolled his eyes as the other spoke. "You're being overdramatic. It was a compliment!" "Nein! It's not. It's really not. Oh, how could I forget! The more likely outcome of me being a superpower! We'd all be fucking Nazis! Either Nazis or communists because I wasn't gonna take Russia down. Now that, that's the world I wished we lived in! Danke, Amerika. I no longer have guilt because I know that people would've preferred a genocide to never end!" He paused, finally calming down a little. He also realized he was shouting. "Do you ever think before you speak? Ever consider the meaning behind what you say?" "I thought you'd wanna hear that! I'm saying you could do my job better than me! Who wouldn't wanna hear that?" "A person who wanted your job and screwed the world over twice as a result. Maybe in your world that really means a lot. You can say that to Britain or France and they appreciate because they were good at their job. You can say that to Poland or the Italys and they feel like they're not the butt of the joke to the world. But you can't say that to me." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back more. "Danke. I work hard. I appreciate that it gets noticed. I don't want the world though. I'm not Gilbert or Roderich. I can't...I won't rule the world. I don't want to. I don't deserve to. Ja, I may do a better job of it than you or Russia or China. All three of you terrify me." America scoffed. "Come on. I'm harmless." "I fought against you in two wars and I was your buffer zone in the Cold War. You've dragged the Middle East into chaos for oil and as revenge for one terrorist attack. You have arsenals of nuclear weapons. You're the biggest threat of anyone at this unfortunate social gathering and, if it wasn't for Mutually Assured Destruction, I think you'd be blowing up nations left and right." He sighed again and shook his head, muttering curses in German. "Can you please go? Danke. I understand what you meant. Just...don't talk to me again for the rest of the night. Or unless you have to. I can't deal with this much stupidity." Germany moved back to where he was standing when America first walked out. America rose and stomped out his cigarette. He began moving towards the door. When he reached it, Germany's voice stopped him. "America, before you go. I figured I'd pay you a compliment that I know will get my message through your head. You're one fantastic empire and remind me a lot of Rome. Getting close to the same age as when he fell as well. I'd keep that in mind if I were you." Alfred's hand hovered over the door knob. All the tales he'd ever heard about Rome flashed to mind. The scarred body, the constant battles, how quickly everything crumbled once the invasions began. He then imagined the same happening to him - his states with too many rights rising up, his territories rebelling, Canadian and Mexican invasions. Shuddering, America quickly exited the balcony. He leaned against the door, closed his eyes, and sighed. Alfred decided he'd had enough of this party and quickly left with Britain, breaking up a fight about to happen. Meanwhile, Germany found himself caught up in the past. He remembered the vision Hitler had sold to him of German dominance of the globe. He saw the globe being covered in a swastika and shivered. He could taste how close he was to that vision before the image of Hitler's dead body in the rubble of the bunker flashed to his mind. He then tasted the disgust and hatred for himself as everything came to light, as he found the extent of the damage his actions had caused, that he could still taste strongly on certain days. Ludwig shook his head, freeing himself of the past. "I am not meant to rule the world," he whispered to no one in particular. "But I will make it a better one. I owe it that much. That's where you and I differ, America. You have no reason to see yourself as the villain while I have no reason to see myself as anything but." 

[rebekahsremarkable]

Crazy

His hands felt a lot like the bath water- they almost burned when they first touched my body, but the longer I submerged myself into them the better it felt. 

I noticed the lighting of the bathroom perfectly flicker against the silhouette of his body as I let myself sink into the water. My back gently fell against his chest. He sat his backside against the wall of the tub, so we both could perfectly fit into our own little ceramic heaven. I sank my body against his, ready to carefully take every second of this moment in. I had to memorize the scent of the many candles he lit; the careful placement of the rose petals on the floor; that on this random Tuesday evening in 2011, I was happily captured in Parker’s arms, and completely lost in infatuation. 

He wet my hair with the extended shower head. He brushed my hair back, tucking it behind my ear:

“You know I love you, don’t you?” he inquired. 

“Which part?” I chuckled, feeling the warm water flow down my backside. 

“Ah, now that’s the million dollar question.” He whispered. I could hear him smile. He wet the loofah to the right of him, and filled it with my favorite lavender soap. The suds overflowed onto the front of my body.

He gently scrubbed my front side, starting from my collar bone. The loofah made it’s way down.

“Well, I love these, for starters...” he spoke, as he used his left hand to squeeze as many suds as he could, and the right one to gently massage his hand onto my right breast. I closed my eyes and focused on his breath on my neck. 

“Oh yeah? And what else?” I gasped.

He kissed the back of my shoulder. “What else?” he laughed. His hands disappeared under the water, and I heard the drop of the loofah. “I love your hips.” He said, grabbing onto them. “I love every curve of you.” He ended the statement with a kiss to the other side of my neck. 

“..That’s it?” I sarcastically commented. I paused, anticipating one last body part to be claimed. 

“Oh, how could I forget my all time favorite.” he smirked. 

I waited, patiently looking forward to the touch of his hands on the inside of my upper thigh. 

Instead, I felt the gentle nudge of his pointer finger turn my head around so I could see his wide green eyes and wet amber-colored hair. He took his two hands upon my cheeks and pressed his lips against mine. He pulled away and softly spoke:

“Your lips. I couldn’t live without them, Bekah.” 

My heart jumped. No- it leaped. I wondered how long I could stay in this perfectly drawn bath before my body would turn wrinkly and ugly. I glanced to the right and noticed the clock on the wall. 

“It is NOT midnight.” I shrieked, jumping out of the bathtub. I scurried to the towel rack, wrapping myself up and trying to find the clothes I earlier tore off of my body. 

“Shit. I forgot about your curfew.” he said, disappointed. 

“Yeah, me too...” I said, hooking my bra and running out to find my shirt.

I finally found it and fit it over my head. As my eyes opened, I noticed Parker standing a few feet in front of me. 

He was still a little wet, so his beard looked more red than normal. His scruff went down to his neck, where his perfectly exaggerated collar bone popped, glistening with the bit of bubble he missed when he dried off. He only had a towel on, tied onto his hip. I took the brief moment to analyze his body. 

Parker was only a tad skinny, but it was the type of skinny in which it accentuated every muscle in his body. I could use my finger to trace each muscle group, viewing every line, every connection, and every flaw. I loved each one. 

“Babe.” I took a step closer. “You gotta take me home.”

He walked the rest of the distance between us, and wrapped his arms around my body. I contemplated pulling away- he was getting my clothes wet- but I decided I didn’t care and pressed my head against his chest. He rested his chin onto the top of my noggin. 

“Marry me.”

I chuckled. “You gotta take me home, babe.”

“Bekah,” He gently pushed my shoulders backward so I was forced to look directly into his eyes. “Marry me.”

I pushed his body away from mine and slowly walked backwards. “Parker... I’m seventeen.”

“I didn’t ask how old you were. I asked if you’d marry me.” 

I didn’t speak for a moment. And he just stood there, looking at me. He just stood there and loved me from across the living room. 

In hindsight, I guess I could’ve said yes. I would been 18 in a few months. I would have loved him. I could have. But I didn’t say yes. 

“Where’s my purse?” I asked, frantically. I journeyed to his bedroom and looked for the rest of my belongings. 

“What is it you want, Bekah?” He yelled passionately from the other room, as I grabbed my bag from under his bed. I walked passed him in the living room as I made my way to the front door. I stopped into the entryway, facing the exit. 

“Do you want me to get down on one knee?” He desperately chuckled. 

“No, Parker, I...” I turned around and there he was. In a just a towel, his amber hair still wet, on one knee, with a small jewelry box in his hand. 

“I could love you forever. Through all your phases. Through all the super hero movies. Through all our pointless fights. Through the bad arguments with your Dad. Through your issues with your Mom. I could love you through that. I know it’s small, and I know I don’t have a lot of money and I know there’s so much ahead of us but I want that big, gaping hole of future to be spent with you. Through all the uncertainties, I will love you. I can, and I will.”

I just stood there. Silently. 

“Bekah...” He paused. “Rebekah... Marry me.” 

I wish I could look back and tell you what I was thinking in that moment. Some profound explanation as to why, as a seventeen year old girl who loved Disney Princesses and happy endings, who had a gaurenteed one of her own right in front of her, said what she said. But I don’t remember what I thought. I don’t know if I even thought anything. I just, spoke.

“Parker... Take me home.” 

He stayed knelt down for a second. He sniffed once and then finally stood, wiping the last of the dripping water from his head. He looked down and shut the box. And opened his mouth only to speak:

“You... You are fucking crazy.” 

**************************************************************

The doorman looked at my ID and then looked down at me. I smiled the same way I do in my picture, like I do every time he makes this look at me. 

“I knew you were a Scorpio.” He said. 

“You should only be noticing I’m 23 and old enough to get into your club.” I smirked. “And how could you tell?!” 

He handed me my ID back and watched me as I walked away. 

“The dress, Rebekah. It’s the dress.”

I felt the doorman’s eyes on my backside as my friends and I walked away, arm-in-arm. It was New Year’s Eve and my two new friends had agreed to let me tag along with them on their night out. Leanne was stuck in Denver and though my heart yearned for my best friend, I took shots in her remembrance.

“That dress really does fit you like a glove.” One of my PIC’s for the night yelled over the music. 

Naomi was the most underrated women I knew: Sharp as a whip but still knew how to have a good time. She was ready for anything- at all times. And I couldn’t ever keep up with her. Seriously, she drank like a sexy-dressed fish. 

“DIET COKE AND VODKA!” She exclaimed to the bartender. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” She inquired to me over Bad and Boujee. 

“Vodka and cranberry.” a sexy voice said behind me. Shit. That sexy sounds familiar. I slowly turned around and there he was: Mr. Irrelevant *(see previous posts to catch up)*. 

His jaw was topped with a growing beard that reminded me a sexy lumberjack- if sexy lumberjacks were huge ass holes that never called like they said they would. 

“I know I’m not wrong,” he said. 

“You never think you’re wrong, from what I can remember.” I smiled. 

“Dance with me!” He yelled into my ear. 

“No.”

He placed his hand just a centimeter about my ass. “Sit with me then.”

Before I could say no, there I sat. For an awkward moment, we silently head-bobbed to the classical masterpiece called These Hoes Ain’t Loyal.

I broke the silence, finally feeling the sudden liquid courage the girls and I had pre-gamed earlier. “You know, I could’ve been good to you!”

“I know that. I’m sorry... But I’m not sorry we’re not together. You’re a great girl but...”

“-Oh, I’m a great girl. Thank you. Thank you for enlightening me on my greatness. You know what’s great? My freshly squatted ass. What else is great? My skin cleared up. What else is great? I lost ten pounds. And this dress...” I stood and did a full 360. “I mean I look like fuckin J Lo back when she was blowing the Wayans Brothers on In Living Color.”

I paused only to chug the rest of my vodka cranberry. 

“Rebekah-” I put my index finger over his lips to stop his sentence as I finished my cocktail and set it on the table.

“I use the fucking stair stepper now, bro.” I said, exasperated. “The fucking stair stepper.” 

I used the same finger to push him in the chest three times, with three different statements:

One push: “Fuck you for making me feel inadequate.”

Second push: “Fuck you for letting me care about you the way I did.”

And finally, third push: “And a big FUCK YOU for fucking me like you did and then never even giving a shit. Go back to your new girl who looks just like me.”

He turned around to walk away, and I puffed up my chest like I somehow just saved Gotham in a tight black suit and a raspy voice.  Then, I noticed him walk back to me, with just one stinging sentence I can’t seem to forget:

“You know what, Rebekah? You’re crazy. You’re fucking crazy. And THAT’S why we’re not together, and THAT’s why you’re always going to be alone.” 

And there I stood. 

******************************************************************************

“Ma’am, Uber won’t allow me to tell you what my penis size is.” the Uber driver groaned. 

“I’m not being sexist.” I hiccuped. “I mean, my boob size is like... A full C I think. Your turn. I won’t tell.” 

He took a turn into the neighborhood of our destination. 

“Oh look at that,” Marco said. “We’re here.”

“Oh Marco, parting is such sweet sorrow.” 

“Thank you for not vomiting in my vehicle.” Marc said, dryly. 

I ignored his remark and looked out the driver’s side window at the house I once used to find sanctuary all those years ago. 

“You know, Marco... I’m about to make some pretty reckless decisions. I think, as a good friend, you should try to stop me” I hiccuped. “Or something.” 

“You’re right-” Marco moved to his glove box. “Here’s a bottle of water. Should help with the hangover. Now get the fuck out of my car.” 

“So aggressive,” I stumbled out, grabbing my purse. I slammed his door as he drove away. “I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS MARCO!” I yelled. 

I stood on the sidewalk and took the cold night air in. I wondered where everyone in the world was New Years Night. Did they kiss the one they loved? Did they kiss a stranger? 

I gazed at the house, and couldn’t believe where I stood. One foot in front of the other, and there I was at the door step. 

I banged on the door harder than any single mom from the early 90s would bang John Stamos. 

It took a couple minutes, but the door finally opened. 

“Who the fuck are you?” the deeply olive-skinned, curly-haired woman said in the doorway, rubbing her eyes. 

“Wait... Who the fuck are YOU?!” I drunkenly challenged. 

“Babe. Who is it?” Parker fully pushed the door open and his eyes widened. “Bekah?” 

There was a brief moment of silence... Until I threw up in the bushes next to the front stoop.

“Oh my God.” The woman said, disappearing back into the house.

Parker held my hair, in only his boxers, standing on his front porch. 

“You are fucking crazy.”

I couldn’t help but hear him smile. 

*************************************************************************

Sorry it’s been awhile. I’m back now. 

Snapchat: ohrebekah

Twitter: Madd_Thinker

Instagram: Rebekah_remarkable. 

Remember everything I post is fictional.