#was able to hide one of inej's hands

[theconstantfangirl]

attempting a digital painting of the final scene from 'save the undone years' by whitherward aka @whatanybodygets and its going surprisingly well but I'm doing shading around the blobs of color that will be kaz's hands because im putting them off

[swanimagines]

A MISTAKE | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: Imagine doing an unsuccessful heist and Kaz taking it out on you.

The heist hadn't gone as planned. It was no one's fault, you had just been incredibly unlucky, but Kaz was still enraged at everyone and looking for a guilty one, accusing everyone on their turn before you stepped in.

"Kaz, stop it." You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "We could have done nothing otherwise. Sometimes these things happen, it isn't anyone's fault. You made a brilliant plan, we all tried to follow it-"

"No," Kaz grumbled, glaring at you in turn. "A mistake like this can't happen without someone taking responsibility. You weren't much of an use either, or what were you doing there at the hallway when guards were rushing towards us? We could have hid, but you gave us away before we could. I blame you all the same for this failure!" He shouted, his eyes flashing dangerously.

Your face dropped at Kaz's words and you took a step back from him. His hands clenched around his cane as he glared at you.

"I didn't do anything wrong," you mumbled, trying to hold his gaze.

He snorted and turned away from you. "Yes, you did. This wasn't your first job, so why the hell did you think you could get away with going solo there?!"

You rolled your eyes, clenching your jaw. "I had to! They could have reached us and killed us all if I didn't slow them down!"

Kaz scoffed. "If you would have followed the plan, we could have had an opportunity to hide!"

"No," you shook your head quickly. "They knew exactly where we were, they would have surrounded us and either imprisoned us or killed us! For your information, I saved our lives so thank you so much for your fucking gratitude!"

"Kaz, they're right, we could have-" Jesper tried to intervene but Kaz interrupted him.

"This is between me and them, keep your mouth shut!" Kaz growled.

"Hey, let's just all take some time to calm down." Wylan murmured as he carefully approached you but Kaz still hadn't stopped.

"You're of no use," he snarled at you. "We don't need people like you during heists, maybe you should take up the broom instead or stay in your room, out of sight."

"Kaz!" Inej scolded him while the rest of the Crows stood dumbfounded, staring at Kaz in shock.

Your eyes became glossy, tears threatening to spill over. But Kaz still didn't seem to care. So you turned around and sprinted towards the Slat, letting the cold wind bite your face as your tears finally began cascading over your cheeks.

The Crows stood there for a while, seeing you disappearing to the crowd. Then they all laid disappointed looks at Kaz.

"Happy now?" Nina sighed and started walking faster, with no doubt of wanting to offer a listening ear for your once again broken heart.

They all knew you both had feelings for each other, but you didn't deserve to be treated like this by him. Kaz was usually cool and collected, but his conflicted feelings for you merged with frustration was never pretty to watch. But this was something worse than your usual bickerings, and Inej noticed the slight flash of regret in Kaz's eyes. He hid it incredibly well, but it was still there. She'd pop by his window in the morning and talk him into apologising to you like so many times before - you deserved to know he still cared about you, even when you had fights like these. She was just concerned about how many fights would you take before giving up on him...

---

Inej's presence floated in the air early in the morning. Sun had barely risen, and Kaz had once again stayed awake the whole night. You had usually made him sleep a little, even take a nap. Telling him his brains would be able to work harder if he slept and he wouldn't feel so frustrated.

But yesterday, from obvious reasons, you hadn't come to talk him into going into bed for a little while. It had felt weird, but Kaz knew the reason. Nina had taken food with her at the evening and headed towards your room, laying a glare at Kaz as she passed him but didn't say anything.

Kaz had sensed Inej long before the shadow passed his desk and Inej's soft steps approached him.

"Kaz," she sighed. "You owe them an apology."

Kaz ignored her. "What time is it?"

"Early."

"Is anyone else awake yet? We need to start working on a new plan."

"No. We need to talk about your fight yesterday with a certain Dreg."

"Why?" Kaz asked, irritated.

"When will you go and apologise to them?"

"There's nothing to apologise for."

"You had them cry in Nina's arms for an hour. Nina had to help them to fall asleep. So yes, you do have something to apologise for."

"It's fine, Inej."

"I'm serious, Kaz."

"They'll get over it."

"If you want them to hate you forever."

"They already hate me," Kaz muttered.

Inej sighed, staring at Kaz for a moment. Kaz ignored her accusatory look and just continued working with the plan. Suddenly, Inej's hand appeared on his way.

"Saints, Kaz!" she exclaimed suddenly and Kaz's eyes met hers for the first time today. "You need to think about their feelings for once."

"I don't have time to think about whether someone gets hurt from things I say, in the Barrel, you have to be tough and if you aren't, you're screwed." He huffed.

Inej sighed. "We all know you care about them more than you care about the rest of us. We know you have feelings for them."

Kaz paused then, letting a long breath through his nose. "I don't have feelings for them."

"You do. We all have seen how you look at each other. Nina has heard your heart when you look at them. You both are just so stubborn and won't act for it. It's getting ridiculous."

"It's not like that."

"You say it's not like that, but still everything points the other way."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Kaz growled, his fingers tapping the desk.

Inej groaned. "Kaz, you know you want to go to apologise. Swallow your pride for once.."

He huffed. "Dirtyhands being soft for someone doesn't fit the picture."

Inej laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know that while living in the Barrel and being a crime boss, it's necessary. But I know you. This is just petty, and you don't want to lose them. Go apologise. Or I'll drag you there."

Kaz looked at Inej for a moment longer before he took a big breath in and stood up. "Fine," he grumbled, "I'll go talk to them."

---

Kaz didn't know how long exactly he had stood in front of your room. He couldn't help but think that you would be too angry at him to speak - and Inej's claim of you having feelings for him.

It wasn't possible. Kaz's feelings for you were hardly possible, so yours would be even less. And you'd deserve someone better than him anyway.

Kaz tried to convince himself of this, but a little voice echoed at the back of his head.

What if they do like you back?

He stared at your door for a moment longer before finally bringing himself to knock.

A groan was heard and then your groggy voice, "Coming..."

The door opened and Kaz's heart started to beat faster the moment he saw you. You squinted your eyes at the light and when you recognised him, your expression immediately transformed into a scowl.

"What do you want?" you snapped, your hands on your hips and your hair messy from sleep.

Kaz opened his mouth but then shut it again. You were angry, he was sorry but he didn't know how to word it. He sighed.

"I thought we should talk this through," he finally said, taking a step forward.

You didn't say anything and just stared at him for a moment. "Oh, mighty Dirtyhands wants to talk now."

Kaz groaned and was quiet for a moment. "I owe you... an apology."

"I don't want to hear it," you said and attempted to slam the door shut, but Kaz got his cane between it and pushed himself inside to your room.

"We need to talk," Kaz said, moving his cane into your way again. "And I won't leave until we do."

"Stop that," you snapped.

"Why?"

"Because I'm trying to be mad at you."

Kaz bit back a smile at that. "If you want to be mad at me, you need to have a proper reason for it."

You huffed and crossed your arms. "Fine, then talk."

Kaz sighed and laid his gaze on his hands gripping the cane. "What I said last night was needless and inconsiderate. I..." He clenched his jaw and cast his eyes downwards for a moment, and then met your eyes again and continued. "I apologise for it."

He glanced up at you, expecting to still see your anger, but instead, your expression was confused.

"Well, I wasn't expecting that."

Kaz smirked at your confusion. "I know how to be an asshole, but I'm trying to be a good boss, too."

You chuckled. "I've gotten used to you being an asshole even when I know you care about me- care about us, I mean, so... it's weird to hear you apologise."

Kaz huffed with a small smile, his heart thudding. He smiled at you, and you were smiling too, and he felt his heart jump at that.

"Have you slept at all last night?" you asked him.

Kaz shook his head. "No. I had work."

You sighed and rolled your eyes. "Work can wait, you go have a nap right now."

You opened the door for him, and you began ascending the stairs together. Kaz smirked at your order. "And if I won't?"

You laughed. "I'll knock you out and drag you to bed. Your call."

---

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[reve-writes]

—of antidotes; kaz brekker.

ʚ kaz brekker x reader | grishaverse | 1,5k words. ʚ you and kaz were separated from the rest of the crows after a job went wrong. ʚ physical injuries. ʚ a/n i just love the little things, especially with kaz brekker. he's definitely the type to go out of his way and do the little things. this is a repost!

“There are worse things that could have happened,” you said, trailing after the disheveled Kaz Brekker as he limped ahead with his cane. An acquisition gone wrong in so many different ways, you were starting to think your luck had run out.

He didn't reply for a moment, but the silence seemed to bother him more than your statement did. He indulged in your attempt at finding a silver lining, “Like?”

“Like—” Honestly, this was as bad as it could've gone. “Like all of us dying.”

Inej was taken to Saints-knows-where, but you were quite certain she slipped away. Matthias might be well on his way back to Hellgate by now. Wylan was smart enough to stay in hiding. Neither of you had any idea on Nina or Jesper's whereabouts. You were forced by Kaz to retreat after being hit by a slow-acting poison. There was a growing swell on your thigh where the dart hit.

“Isn't it great that you're the only one dying then?” he sneered.

“I'm fine,” you mumbled, although the tips of your fingers were starting to feel numb and tingly. It took more effort to clench your hands into fists. “You do have an antidote, though?”

“Yes,” he replied. “The poison was commonly used a few years back and I'd kept a few just in case.”

He could be lying and you wouldn't know, anyway. Kaz Brekker was always one step ahead of you in that way. You could never read what went on in his mind. The few times he had let you take a peek were all on his terms.

“Thank the Saints you're paranoid,” you joked. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in your left leg. As quickly as it came, it was gone, along with any feeling you had on said leg. You stumbled forward with a yelp, barely catching yourself in time with your hands.

Kaz turned around, his eyes widening with worry, before he limped briskly towards you. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

He searched you for any kind of injury. You shook your head.

“Poison.” You were struggling to speak now. Each breath was a chore.

He clicked his tongue. “The safehouse isn't far from here. Can you hold for five minutes?”

You nodded. Kaz weighed his options. He could go by himself, pick up the antidote and bring it back to you. However, he didn't think he would be physically able to leave you here. Not knowing if you were still okay, having no idea whether the poison had reached your lungs or your heart. Orpheus' decision to look back and check if Eurydice was there suddenly made some sense to him.

“Lean on me,” he said, gritting his teeth as he pulled you up. The two of you hobbled forward down the dirt path through the field. “Tell me if anything else starts to feel numb, okay?”

You were sweating bullets, way too much for the current weather. Your head was starting to pound painfully as well. You gulped. “I'm sorry.”

He continued to hobble you forward. “It's not your fault.”

“I'm sorry anyway.”

Your head started to droop. You could feel yourself slipping further into unconsciousness.

“Hey. Hey, ___. Don't pass out on me now,” Kaz frantically warned. He called your name repeatedly, occasionally shaking you as he quickened his pace.

“I'm trying, Brekker.”

“Try harder,” he hissed. “Do you remember the one time you told me that?”

Your focus was drawn to the event, clearing some of the clouds that were hanging over your head. “You got yourself locked up with me.”

“I was trying to get you out,” he retorted. “I had a plan.”

“The whole plan hinged on you picking the locks of the jail they kept me in,” you argued. “You couldn't pick the locks.”

“I was trying.”

“I told you to try harder.”

“I continued trying—a moderate amount of trying,” he said, spotting the small barnhouse that he had turned into a just-in-case safehouse. “I got us out.”

You hummed in response.

“I got us out of there. I got us out of Pekka Rollins' meticulous plan. I'm getting us out of this, too,” he said, more to himself. “Come on, we're close.”

“You've always had my back, Kaz,” you slurred. “But who has yours?”

“We're here,” Kaz announced, barely letting a second to let your words ring. He set you down against the wall of the barnhouse, unlocking the doors. You lost consciousness sometime around when he got the door open.

When you woke up, you had a splitting headache, but you could feel your left leg again. Your eyes found Kaz, his coat and vest thrown aside. His shirt was unbuttoned, revealing a cut on his shoulder blade. He was struggling, twisting his body around to assess the damage.

You cleared your throat.

“You're awake,” he stated, straightening up on his chair. He must've moved too fast because he winced ever so slightly. “Have some water.”

He nodded towards a cup of water by your bedside. The bed was unsurprisingly hard and it smelled like old laundry, like if you'd kept your clothes in the dresser for too long. You thanked him and downed the whole glass in one go.

"Where are the others?"

"Hopefully somewhere safe."

The silence that followed was anxiety-inducing.

“Are you okay?” You asked, wiping your lips on your sleeves. His eyes followed the movement and settled on your lips for a second longer.

He shrugged, which was a bad idea because he immediately hissed. His hair fell over his forehead as he hunched over.

"I'll take that as a no."

You slid off the cot, intending to walk over to him. He seemed to have decided to place himself as far away as you did in the tiny hut. His chair was placed by the window in the opposite corner of the cot. While your legs were fully mobile, dizziness washed over you when you stood. You stumbled, catching yourself on the small table by the cot before you fell.

Kaz abruptly stood up. "You should be resting."

"As should you. I wasn't the only one hurt."

He sighed, running a gloved hand through his hair. "Go back on the bed."

You were about to sound your protest when you heard the screech of his chair dragging against the floor. He brought it and a tin of medical supplies over to you. He set the chair down and straddled it. His back was angled towards you, while he leaned his chin on the back of the wooden chair.

"How bad is it?" he asked, barely tilting his head back to look at you.

"How did this happen?" you asked back.

"Someone thought plunging a knife to my back was a good idea," he grunted. "I wasn't fast enough."

You didn't quite know what to do with your hands. "It looks bad."

"It feels like it looks bad," he scoffed. He looked at you and saw your hand tremble. He added, "The other guy had it worse."

You huffed out a laugh. "No one can best Dirtyhands, it seems."

"Yet."

The thing about Kaz Brekker was that he was notoriously bad at lightening up situations. That was your role. You didn't quite want to think about the implication of yet.

"Do you have gloves around?" you asked. "Because, you know—"

He threw his gloves at you. "Don't get too much blood on it."

It felt strangely intimate, but you pulled them on wordlessly before he changed your mind and decided to avoid you like you were a plague. Aside from occasional curses under Kaz's breath, the two of you were silent as you dressed his wound and put a bandage over it. It was two times harder than it needed to be with the gloves, but you managed it anyway.

"It's done. We should find a healer, though. To be safe," you said. He shrugged his shirt back on before turning around. You stared at his hands—they were pale with a lot of visible veins running through them. His eyes were fixated on your hands as well, clad in his gloves which were a loose fit. He wanted to hold his hand up to yours to see the sizes of your hands.

He coughed. The ridiculousness of his thought dawned on him. Impulsive thoughts that stemmed from somewhere deep within him—the place where he kept Kaz Rietvield.

He held his hand out. "Gloves."

You pulled them off and gave it to him. "I quite like them. Perhaps I should invest in a pair or two."

He hummed. "Get some rest. I'll try to gather news about the others."

"I can help—"

He was already buttoning up his vest. "I don't want to have to drag you back here again."

You frowned. "I am sorry."

He sighed, pulling his coat on. "Get some rest, ___. I'll pick up food on the way back."

You nodded. It wasn't until hours later that you woke up again, feeling more refreshed. Kaz Brekker was nowhere to be found, but you suspected that he had been back at least once because by your cot, there was a pair of gloves—new ones in the colour that matched your outfit.

[]

[bi-bard]

No Saints Ever Watched Over Me - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: No Saints Ever Watched Over Me

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Sun Summoner!Reader

Word Count: 1,798 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: Kaz held onto the belief that no saints had looked out for him and none were in a rush to rescue him. When forced to face the very saint that he refused to believe in, will Kaz accept that he was wrong or continue on his path of denial and avoidance?

Author's Note: Here's how one piece of dialogue made me want to throw all sorts of canon to the wolves just so this idea could happen.

---------------------------

At some point, hiding became as natural as breathing.

My parents taught me to hide before most things.

They were the only ones who knew about my... condition that I hadn't directly told.

They had seen the sunlight that coursed through my veins. The prophecy unfolding in their very home. The future presented to them on a silver platter.

They knew what would happen if I was ever discovered. They never wanted me to hear, but I did. They knew that I would be hunted for the rest of my life. That I would be shoved into harm's way in the name of Ravka. Men would be happy to watch my blood spill for their battles if they were wrapped in the flag of their country.

I was young when a group of men showed up at their door.

My dad took me away. As far away as he could. My mom didn't have a chance.

When he knew that what was happening was inevitable, he told me to run. Run, hide, and never tell anyone about my gift.

I was alone.

I never saw my power as a gift. Especially not after that day. In one swoop, this "gift" had taken everything from me.

And I still had to survive despite that.

I settled in Ketterdam. Alone and terrified. I needed to find work and a place to stay while I was still very young.

Working with Kaz Brekker was an accident more than anything else. It had been a few years since I had seemed to plant my feet on the ground. I had made friends with Jesper, who had offered me a chance to make myself a decent amount of money.

After that, Kaz seemed to come to me for every mission they had. I don't know why. As far as he was able to know, Kaz could have found a hundred people who were just like me.

Granted, I didn't have to keep working with him. I could have taken another job. But I didn't. Working with Kaz just felt right. Working with the Crows felt right.

I was a regular part of the team.

It was nice.

None of them seemed willing to say it out loud but it was like having a family. A real family for the first time in ages.

I kept my... situation private. They didn't truly need to know.

However, I knew that it would be foolish to think that I could hide it from them forever. It did take them longer than

Inej was the first to find out.

Kaz had noticed that something was "off" about me. Something was different. He couldn't figure out what that thing was. And Kaz Brekker hated not knowing everything about a situation.

He sent her to spy on me for the night. Follow me. See who I did business with, who I met for drinks, who I brought home with me (which I never did).

I had been curled at the foot of my bed after a long, exhausting day. I was tired and sad and angry all at the same time. I needed something of comfort. I allowed a ball of sunlight to form in my hand and sit in my palm. The fog and dreariness of Ketterdam didn't allow for one to enjoy a moment in the sunshine, so I had to make my own.

Inej must have caught me just as I was sitting there with it.

Not that she told me.

Instead, she went straight back to Kaz with what she had learned.

I could imagine what his reaction was. The disbelief, the anger at the insistence, and the dismissal of the whole event with some comment about it all being some clever trick on my part.

I hope she asked him what the point of a trick was when I was alone.

I only found out that Inej knew when I was told to go meet Kaz in his office. As I passed the bar, Inej and Jesper watched me go by. I watched Inej's hand move to her forehead and chest. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. I hadn't told her anything, so why did she do that?

Kaz was standing behind his desk when I walked in.

"Close the door," he instructed bluntly. I did so.

I walked over to stand across from him, waiting for some indication of what this was all about.

"What are you," he asked.

I paused for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"What are you?" he repeated, putting an emphasis on each word.

"I'm (Y/n), you allow me to work with you because I can fight, and you said that I can be pretty clever-"

"I said what, not who."

"Will you just tell me what this is about," I asked. "I clearly don't know."

"I had Inej follow you last night."

"Kaz!"

"You were hiding something from me," he tried to explain.

"So you sent someone to watch me? That is incredibly invasive!"

"She saw your trick," he continued. "The sunlight in your hand."

I felt frozen. The motion at the bar suddenly made sense to me. Inej was firm in her beliefs. Private, but firm. She saw me and thought that I was the saint that the stories were about.

"How did you do it?"

"I... I just can," I shrugged. "You think it was a trick."

"I know it was a trick," he replied. "The sun summoner wouldn't hide away in Ketterdam."

I took a deep breath. "My parents paid for me to get here. They knew what I was. They knew what would happen if the Grisha got their hands on me. It was meant to protect me. I kept my head down. I stayed quiet. Worked with you for money because it was the safest choice I had at the time."

Kaz didn't speak up. He didn't truly believe me. Not entirely. I wasn't surprised by that. Kaz had trust issues when it came to normal people. Never mind... someone like me.

I took a step away from the desk. I let a ball of sunlight form in my hand.

Kaz slowly walked around the desk. He studied me, stepping in a small circle around me. He was looking for the trick. The effect. Some sign that what Inej had seen was wrong.

He stopped in front of his desk again.

I closed my hand, scuffing out the sunlight.

"You are never to do that unless in the presence of me, Inej, and Jesper. Understood?"

"I know how to hide," I replied. "I've been doing this for a long time now."

He just nodded to me.

I kept to that agreement as best I could. I never showed my gift outside of my room. The only time anyone else saw it was when Inej came by, begging to know if it was all true.

She tried to praise me. Call me a saint.

I didn't let her. I begged her to not see me as a hero because I wasn't one. I had no interest in being one. All I wanted was some semblance of normalcy. She respected that.

My agreement with Kaz didn't crumble until I saw it as absolutely necessary.

He had told me to join him to get through the door of some place.

He had been doing that more and more. Having me work directly by his side. I had no interest in questioning it, but I did notice it.

It had been going well. However, the number of guards had been greatly underestimated.

The only part that I truly remember was one of the guards choking Kaz. His cane had been thrown across the room from him. I didn't have the physical strength to stop the guard. I knew that.

So, as if on instinct, I threw a ball of sunlight at him.

He fell to the ground, allowing Kaz to lean back against the wall and catch his breath.

I ran over to grab his cane. I walked over slowly, holding it out to him. He snatched it from my hand, an angry look taking over his features.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He didn't bother with my question, instead posing one of his own, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“That you were about to die."

“You could have gotten yourself killed, hunted! All that you have claimed to have been terrified of!”

"You would truly rather die by the hand of your own stubbornness than ever thank someone for their help," I rolled my eyes.

"You agreed to never use your powers around others! I don't need you to save me!"

I scoffed at him. “Kaz, I understand that you think you’re invincible, but please believe me when I say that you are nowhere close.”

“And you are?” he stepped closer to me.

“Would you like to compare a list of things that I could survive versus what you could survive? I really don’t think you would because you would end up quite embarrassed!”

Kaz’s jaw clenched as he merely continued glaring. As if he were stunned that I had the nerve to yell at him the way I did. To question his power and control and leadership the way I did.

“I hate to tell you this, but you have people who care for you, Kaz Brekker,” I continued. “There are people that actually don’t want you dead. Let them help you. That’s why you have a crew in the first place.”

"Don't claim to be my savior."

"Don't claim that you never need to be saved!"

The silence after that was tense. He was angry and the boss of the whole gang. I was angry and able to scorch the earth beneath his feet.

"We have work to do," I finally muttered, walking around him.

"What happened to keeping your... affliction a secret," he asked as I did so.

I stopped at the door, turning back to him. "If the choice was letting you die or exposing my secret, then the choice would be you. Every single time."

There was a long pause before Kaz spoke up, "Why?"

There was another, even longer pause. "Is it not obvious?"

His face didn't shift. Not at all.

I had some feeling in my chest that he knew the answer to his question long before he asked it. Maybe he just needed the personal confirmation. Maybe he wanted me to say something entirely different so that it would bring some comfort. Allow him some escape route from his own feelings.

"Can we go now," I asked.

He nodded. "Fine."

Kaz may not have believed in saints. But I would like to believe that some part of him believed in me.

And that was enough for me.

---------------------------

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[kzbrekkerr]

— real. | kaz brekker.

hi! welcome to this new kaz blog ig! this is just a tiny blurb and the main quote is from an amazing blog @thesuntomyshadows. hope you enjoy it, and feel free to ask anything!

summary: when y/n saw the real kaz. quote based "i don't really believe in guns." x "well trust me, they're very real." with fem!crow!reader x kaz. 😋

Kaz's witch wasn't really sure when she started working with dirty hands.

it should've started with a one time thing. easy job. doing whatever it was he said it and getting some great amount of kruges out of it.

unfortunately, a one time thing became four, five and six, and within months she started to be part of a barrel gang - something she promised to the saints and her father she would never do. y/n wouldn't admit it, but it was way to easy to fell in love with all of kaz's razzle dazzle.

this time, though, it should've been an easy one. the girl didn't had a lot of details, but once it was just her, jesper and the boss himself, she considered it to be a small thing. do some pretending, get into a simple fight, and get out of there with whatever it was that kaz needed.

"just a little something before you do your thing."

it was her usual job. being bait. hiding poorly in the corner's, pretending to be helpless and desperate, before pulling one of her favorite tricks at one of the disgusting pekka rolling's man. but it was no surprise to anyone that kaz brekker's witch was able to do a lot of things with her hands, even though no one were really sure how.

the improvising part of the plans weren't really y/n's cup of tea. but working for the bastard of the barrel always came with a surprise. kaz never let anything more than the bare minimum slip. nevertheless, she accepted whatever he needed it, never questioning it. it was unpredictable, almost cruel.

until he holds out a gun for her. taking it quietly, observing the piece like she'd never seen it before, it was too heavy, too violent, and definitely way out of anything the girl ever agreed on doing. jesper would probably find that funny. messing with people's hearts was okay, but guns? crossing the line.

"i don't really.." she gulped, fixing her own dress skirt. the dark grey flannel wasn't even close to nina's sunny orange, or inej's elegant turquoise. but it was discreet and delicate, it was y/n's. looking at the gun one more time, she continued. "i don't really believe in guns."

the girl delicatetly pushed it back to his gloved hands, with a tiny smile on her face. y/n knew that doing that was equivalent to walking on thin ice; denying anything to boss, in a particular dangerous moment, wasn't her best idea.

"well," the boy stared at her. the intense gaze seemed to last forever, while the girl could feel the deep blue orbes burning into her skin. he accepted the piece. "trust me, they're very much real." the stern voice, the usual. no sympathy for the girl's dislikes about the weapon, or simply a consideration of changing a tiny bit of one of his plans. not that she was expecting it. "now take it."

quickly, he put it back on her soft hands - the one's that looked like it haven't seen a day of work - slowly securing it, showing her the way she should hold a piece like that. the boy's stare traveled from her hands to her eyes once more, in a silent question if it was really okay. the girl nodded.

"go ahead then."

the crow king whispered, and placed her finger on the trigger. it almost felt like someone else. she couldn't really put her finger to it, but y/n would swear on her whole life she saw the way his gaze softened. even for just a moment. the girl nodded once more, and with a tiny smile - a real one, this time - she secured the gun in her hand.

"ready to go, boss?" jesper didn't gave her enough time to go back to her designated place, so the grin was placed on the gunslinger's face while he payed a lot of attention to the scene happening in front of him.

the girl took a step back, fixing up her skirt once more - like it needed to - and gave her friend a tiny smile. brekker, on the other hand, simply nodded, taking a deep breath, and fixed his already messy dark hair. it was show time, and the trickster needed to be ready.

there she find him again. the bastard of the barrel. the deadliest boy in ketterdam.

and even if it were just for a single second, y/n felt something different when she saw the real kaz brekker. even though the crow girl couldn't really figure it out what it was yet.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Song: I will wait for you- mumford and sons

“After a long, hard and lonely day: he can finally be in your arms again.”

Reader x ….

Options: Nikolai, Matthias, Kaz, Tolya

Hear me out, Matthias and Kaz, one established relationship, one pining because apparently I want to feel pain. xoxo.

This Action Echos - Matthias Helvar , Kaz Brekker.

Content Warnings: Unrequited Love Trope. Not Beta/ Proof Read. Love Confessions At Inconvenient Times. Kaz Opening His Mouth. Explicit Language.

Your legs are resting up beside you on the chaise longue in the back of the club, hiding away in the back room, awaiting for the crows to return.

Being benched wasn't something you were taking personally, you knew that Kaz had run the odds, and you were better suited to staying back, but it didn't stop you worrying about them all. Nothing could stop you worrying about them all.

The waiting is unbearable, and you have nothing that successfully fills your time, allowing you to stop yourself thinking about all the things that could be going wrong. You trusted them all implicitly, they've all gotten themselves out of situations they never should have survived, far too many times to think they were anything short of lucky. But you cannot help but linger on the way Matthias likes to suggest their luck will not last forever, that eventually it has to run out. But it has become easy to believe they were charmed, your little family of misfits and renegades. It would be easier for you all to go down together than believe any one of you could fall alone.

Your heart jumps, threatening to push it's way out of your chest and greet them before your feet can pull you to the door, when it opens. Jesper is the first through the door, cracking the end of a joke. "You waited, that's sweet of you darling, were you worried about me?" he smirks.

"Always, what if you miss a shot?" you tease, pulling him into a hug.

"You wound me more than any enemy when you say things like that," he returns your hug, squeezing you that little bit tighter to let you know he missed you, and he was worried, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"No, you could never miss," Wylan quips. "You can shoot perfectly, but your timing, that could leave something to be desired." Wylan gives your arm a small squeeze as he passes, giving you time to pull away from the caring embrace of the now scowling Zemeni.

"Play nice lover boys," Nina says. She cups your face in two hands and plants a kiss on your nose. "We could've done with you on that one." She tells you, not to make you feel bad for your absence but to assure you of your presence, and you appreciate it. All the little ways Nina makes you feel loved, makes you feel like you belong, you appreciate them all.

You don't get a chance to turn around to see him before strong arms are engulfing you in a hug from behind. You lean back into it, the familiar smell, that reminds you of woodlands and fresh snow fall, filling your space. His coat is cold, but you can feel the warmth underneath it the tighter he holds you. "Matthias," you smile, tilting your head back to look up at him.

"Wild one," he replies, but there is a smile in the corner of his lips, not able to keep the stoic seriousness in his face.

"Did you miss me?" you ask.

"Every moment I was away," he tells you.

"I kind of miss when he didn't talk so much," Jesper says, pulling himself onto the desk to sit down.

You throw Jesper a warning look, it had taken far too long, and so much to get Matthias to where he was now, comfortable enough in his self and in the changes, in the challenges and the story that brought him here, to Ketterdam, to you, and always from a life he had always known and understood, for Jesper to make him doubt his progress for even a second. "Adawesi?" You challenge him.

Jesper laughs but backs down without a further comment.

Kaz looks less than pleased joins the gathering. "Inej decided to do some reconnaissance, and figure out where we are now in the situation," Kaz explains, not bothering to greet you.

He gives you a side glance, making his way to the back of the room. You're standing, Matthias's arms still around your body, laughing at something that Kaz does not understand or recognise as being funny at all.

You give him a small smile and he just eyes you before taking his seat.

"Jesper, as promised you can have your drinks, Nina, you can have your rest, Wylan, you can have your peace, and Matthias... what did you want again?" Kaz asks.

"I asked for nothing Demjin," Matthias says, finally taking his arms from around you, to stand taller. Of all the things that have changed, all the distance crossed, Matthias hasn't budged once in his dislike and distrust of Kaz Brekker. Matthias watches him, silent prayers to Djel that the demon in the suit across from him cannot sense his discomfort. He may have come to accept that his tricks are human, but he is yet to believe that Kaz himself is anything less than demonic.

"Right, it's all honour with you," Kaz says, looking down at some papers on the table. "Then I suppose you're all dismissed."

"Kaz I need a word," you remind him, you'd tried to ask him about a job before they left and Kaz had brushed you off, saying it could wait, you'd made him say he would speak to you as soon as he returned, that he understood this was important. He said he would. Now he was looking right through you.

"Right," he says, "can it wait?"

"It has waited," you tell him, "you don't scare me enough to be able to brush me off like that Brekker."

Nina, Wylan and Jesper make a quick exit at that statement, Wylan giving you a good luck nod as he ducks down and out of the room.

"So can I have your time or do I need to be a stolen painting?" you ask. You could fool yourself into thinking for a glimpse of a moment, Kaz almost smiles. He exhales and nods. You lean up on tiptoes and plant a kiss on Matthias's cheek. "I won't be long."

"Can I get you something?" he asks, not really wanting to leave you alone with Kaz but respecting that you can handle yourself well enough.

"I would love something sweet to eat," you tell him. His shoulders bump up slightly as he stifles a chuckle.

"I'll ask Nina," he says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before leaving.

Kaz looks up at you, expectant. Waiting. His impatience clear on his tight lips. "What is it?"

"I want in on the job with Specht," you tell him. Something almost sets alight behind those dark eyes of his.

"No," he says plainly. You cross your arms, watching him but he goes back to his papers. "Is that all?"

"No," you tell him, "I want in on the job, he said himself he could use me."

"Then maybe I should have words with him about undermining me, I will tell him who is good for a job," Kaz spits.

"Boss, you keep side lining me," you say, "I thought maybe it was not a personal thing, but this is a piss easy job with the opportunity to work so much in the favour of The Dregs in Fifth Harbour, why won't you let me do this?"

"Go home," Kaz tells you, "go home, rest. Be comfortable in your safety, your friends made it home, your Fjerdan made it home, all is well," he sits up straighter in his chair. "So go home, enjoy your luxuries, convince Matthias that each day in Kerch is better than whatever life you could have in Fjerda, remind him of all the reasons not to miss his home, make him cheerful and fall asleep in his arms. If you really wish to do me a favour maybe convince him to stop looking at me like I might grow wings at any given point, or better yet, stop asking me about jobs, when I have one for you, you will have it."

You want nothing more than to go home to Matthias, to forget about everything that is needed and required from you, to simply curl up and be warm and happy with the man you love. But this was not about Matthias, this was not about your happiness, or your comfort, this was about Dirtyhands keeping you from your place. Besides you've never known Kaz to really care for your happiness in any regard, it took so much bargaining to get his help on the smallest of things, time and time again. Kaz was a business man before he was ever a friend to you. You knew that. He was your boss, and he rarely let there be moments when he felt like he was anything more. While the rest of the crows valued the companionship that came with this band of broken dolls, but Kaz, Kaz cannot help but keep everyone at arms length, in a metaphorical sense as much if not even more than the literal sense.

"You want me to leave," you state, eyeing him. "What is your problem with me... I thought... What is your problem?"

"I have no problem, except insubordination," he states. "How go on, hurry and catch up with your Drüskelle-,"

"Do not talk of Matthias in that tone," you snap, "he is more than you could ever hope to be Brekker and yet you talk of him with such dishonour, why because he has faith? Because he has purpose? Because he dares to love?"

“After a long, hard and lonely day: he can finally be in your arms again.” Kaz's words shouldn't strike you as so painful, and yet they do, it feels like he has pressed that oyster shucking knife from his sleeve right into your throat and was twisting it. "I can't give you that. And I doubt I ever will be able to."

"Kaz... what are you saying?" you ask. You'd expected anger, you'd been looking for a fight, but Kaz does not look like he wishes to fight, he doesn't even raise his voice, he takes a simple breath and then speaks.

"That if I was a different man, a better man, a man who had not been ruined and broken years before I ever got the chance to know you, I might just have been able to be the man that you need, the man I wish I was able to be, but know I will never become, even for you, I am not able, and I will not lie to either of us that I am. I am, and I can only ever be Dirtyhands, Bastard of The Barrel, and that is what you need of me more than you will ever need me to be the man I wish I was for you. So no, I do not... dislike Matthias, it is not that I dislike him, it is not that he is the enemy, Drüskelle, or Fjerdan. It is not that he does not deserve you, it is simply that I do not."

Kaz leaves without giving you a chance to respond. Not that you have a clue how to respond. You had never had the smallest inclination that Kaz had feelings for you at all. You were barely aware Kaz has feelings. Your mind is spinning. Unsure what you're supposed to do with this information.

You wait in the empty room, the door still open from his exit, the tapping of his cane disappearing into the noise of the club.

You take a moment, and you bring yourself back, to the moments before Kaz threw a match on everything. For all the shock, you remind yourself it doesn't matter. Kaz's reasonings for trying to keep you from your work were unspoken, he intended to spin you out with a confession that you did not need to hear. It had worked and that annoyed you most. You would not let him side line you for feelings he never deigned to suggest he ever had before. You would make him take you seriously, his feelings be damned. But you'd had a long day, and more prevalently, Matthias has had a long day, so you will find him, the man who you love, the man who would fight wars and change the world for. You were going to return to him, enjoy your treats and your calmness and his presence and force Brekker's words from your mind. Matthias who you had been waiting on all day, who kept your mind occupied with thoughts of him always. Matthias who you would always wait for, always go to. Your Matthias. You would not let Brekker ruin the calm, not for you, and not for Matthias, no matter his feelings. You couldn't let it.

[one-million-kruge]

my six of crows hcs

I need to read Crooked Kingdom but I can't for at least another week and it's killing me so take this very self indulgent list

Kaz Brekker

-He finds it really hard to apologize so he literally buys a gazillion super expensive gifts for whichever Crow, refuses to elaborate, and walks away. Matthias is mystified by this.

-Kaz hates emotional attachments with people because he could easily lose them like he lost Jordie, so he made them with his cane and gloves instead.

-For a while as a coping mechanism, Kaz legitimately treated 'Rietveld' Kaz and 'Brekker' Kaz as two different people. When he was triggered by something or other he told himself it was Rietveld messing with him.

-He researched Saints so that he could know and understand Inej's religion, even though he had no obligation to. He also pretends he hates hearing her talking about it but just hearing the passion in her voice makes Kaz happy.

Inej Ghafa

-Similarly to Kaz, she has emotional attachments to her knives because after her time at the Menagerie it became really hard for her to trust people.

-Inej learned how to walk silently at the Menagerie because she needed to sneak around in order to get stuff she needed to survive, whether it be food or something to stitch herself up with.

-She enjoys being on the sea because it gives her a sense of freedom similar to how acrobatics made her feel.

-Inej has never once pitied Kaz, just felt anger for what others (*cough cough* pekka rollins) had done to him. Every time she sees him panic she feels a mixture of sadness and pure rage.

Jesper Fahey

-Jesper has a diary because he feels emotions in a very big way and he needs some way to get them out. He hides it under his bed and let me tell you it is bright pink.

-When he is stressed (often) he plays with his guns. Like, safety on, but he flips them around in his hands and whatever because it reminds him of his mother and her memory makes him feel safe.

-When on heists, Jesper legit takes any opportunity to wear high heels. There is no need to. The Crows make fun of him for it. He does not care.

-Jesper is typically very fidgety but whenever he's near Wylan he's just automatically much calmer. Wylan is like Milo for his stress but better. It's even better when he's touching Wylan in some way, shape, or form.

Wylan Van Eck

-If Wylan hears a phrase or saying or something of the like that he thinks is nice or cool, he writes it in musical notes (similarly to how he labels chemicals and such) and tacks it up on a wall or something.

-When he was younger and his father would use horrible tactics to try and get him to be able to read, he just took it and assumed it was normal because he didn't have a frame of reference (not being able to read books or make friends very well). Some days he felt he deserved it.

-Wylan loves symbolic art because it's a way for him to take in a story without having to read it. He loves making up interpretations of symbolic paintings and connecting unrelated ones into a continuous story.

-He is really not assertive at all and finds it hard to read the room, so Wylan always asks Jesper before he does anything affectionate. He sometimes gets embarrassed about it, but Jesper always reassures him that it's very cute and sexy of him.

Nina Zenik

-Nina is bisexual (canon) and in terms of her preferences she finds women to be hotter, but she loves men beyond physical attraction more often. Whenever people try to tell her that she's straight because of that she either punches them or knocks them out for a few minutes depending on how she's feeling that day.

-Nina loves fucking with people by speaking a language to them that they don't speak and then gaslighting them into thinking that she was speaking the language they do speak.

-She is like the #1 hype squad for Inej, and it's literally the only thing that Kaz and her can agree on. They literally get into compliment battles but they're complimenting Inej.

-Nina finds it hilarious how actually innocent Matthias is, so sometimes when they speak, she makes progressively more lewd innuendos to see how long it takes for him to catch on.

Matthias Helvar

-Matthias is super gullible and will believe almost anything someone tells him unless it is far too outlandish to be true. The rest of the Crows (bar Inej and Wylan) use this to their advantage often.

-Back when he hunted Grisha, everyone else said he was most definitely the least likely to become a traitor but also the most likely to be the nicest to the Grisha. Guess where they were wrong.

-Matthias tries his best to be mischievous and absolutely fails every time. He just feels bad about it and so he immediately apologizes even though all of his "mischief" isn't even that bad.

-Whenever Nina needs anything, Matthias will immediately do it/get it for her. Whether it's getting a book off of a shelf that she can't quite reach or committing homicide, he is always ready and willing.

[stray-kaz]

A Murder of Crows : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader FF mini : Part One

Summary: Modern au in which Kaz Brekker and his Crows are in the rescue business. They run an underground anti-trafficking mob. The only thing Kaz hates more than liars are powerful people who take advantage of others and the Diamondbacks are the worst of the lot.

A/N: I sincerely hope I have the impetus to keep this going. Thank you to everybody who showed interest.

Warnings: Evidence of abuse, fear of men. (Kaz thinks you are only falling for him because he saved you. Kaz is a very smart idiot).

He was covered in blood the first time you saw him, a grim reaper, dark clothed and limping. But he was far from lame.

"Demjin" you gasped.

He grinned then, a white slash in a bloody mask.

"If you like."

He extended a gloved hand towards you and you took it gingerly, rising from the dirty floor in a cloud of chiffon and expensive perfume. He glanced at your clothes with distaste, a wrathful sneer curling at his mouth. You glanced down, ashamed, and tried to cover the tattooed snake that writhed down your forearm, white diamonds patterning its back. But he shook his head, gripped your chin between gloved finger and thumb and lifted your gaze to his bitter one.

“This is not your fault” he said stonily. “Life bit you. Now you get to bite back.”

He let you go and limped through the exit, expecting you to follow and not looking back to check.

Light blinded you the second you stepped outside of the dark compound you’d been existing in for months. You kept your eyes fixed hard on the back and shoulders of the man who had let you out. Curious how, after everything you had suffered at the hands of men, you were capable of trusting this one. He was walking arrogance, pure as coal, but you believed he might just hate the men who took you and used you as much as you did.

“Your name?” you asked, reaching for his sleeve.

Your fingers had barely brushed it when he turned to look down at you with eyes like ice, the same moment someone else called to him and his head snapped away, his name ringing in your ears.

“Kaz!”

You looked up to see a tall, lanky man bounding towards you, a gleaming gun strapped to each hip, barely hidden beneath the folds of his coat. Instinct bolted and you ducked behind Kaz, hiding in his shadow. He glanced behind him, irritation melting into something else, something strange and cloying, when he glimpsed your wide eyes and the ring of dark finger bruises painted around your throat. He hadn’t been able to see them in the dark building.

He held up a hand to stop the young man in his tracks; warm brown eyes tried to find you around the wall that was Kaz Brekker, but Kaz shifted his stance on his bad leg every time he moved, so eventually he gave up and stood back, hands spread wide.

“Jesper” Kaz said quietly. “Bring me Nina and Inej.”

“But, can’t I even say -”

“No” Kaz interrupted. “You can’t. Bring me Nina and Inej.”

Jesper sighed and loped off, broad shoulders bunching under the fabric of his coat.

“Thank you” you mumbled.

He didn’t say you’re welcome, nothing like that.

“Jesper is good” Kaz told you instead. “One day you’ll see it. He is everything I’m not.”

That was your first warning.

You were driven to a place they fondly called the Slat, but you were not expecting a well kept, well lit apartment building, three levels high and packed to the roof with small luxurious one and two bedroom apartments. The two young women Kaz had sent Jesper to find for you, Nina and Inej, hustled you inside and into the waiting elevator, leaving Kaz and Jesper to find their own way up.

Inej was Suli, dark eyed and beautiful, still carrying the ghosts of a similar past to your own; you could see it in her eyes and in her sad smile when she looked at you. Nina had the wide hipped, strong look of the working class Kaelish, but turned out to be Ravkan, a top of her class heartrender and gorgeous to boot.

She held your hand in hers as she led you back out of the elevator on the second storey, producing a delicate key from inside her sleeve and unlocking the door to usher you inside, handing you the key as soon as you had stepped across the threshold.

“This is yours” Inej said, gesturing at the room. “One bedroom, one bathroom, and a small kitchen. You now hold the only key.”

You stared at her and Nina, surprised. You turned the key over and over between your fingers.

“The only key?” you asked softly. “Truthfully?”

Inej nodded.

“Truthfully.”

“What about Kaz? He owns this, doesn’t he?”

Inej glanced at Nina and you followed the look, waiting.

“Kaz will leave you alone, but if there’s an emergency, he doesn’t need keys” Nina said diplomatically. “Now, sugar, there are fresh clothes in the wardrobe. I’m sure something will fit, but if not, let Kaz know and he’ll fix it. He might look and sound like a demjin, but you can trust him. He’s wicked for all the right reasons.”

She squeezed your hand and Inej gave you another fleeting smile before they turned and left through the still open door. You closed it slowly behind them, locked it, then turned to face your room. Yours.

You sank down onto the fluffy carpet and closed your eyes, thanking the Saints for the demjin who had saved your life, right as the first tear fell.

Tagging: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r​

[kanerallels]

For @laughingphoenixleader, who requested Kanej in a superhero/villain au

(tw for vague mentions of drug deals and human trafficking, though there's nothing explicit)

The streets of Chicago were clogged with criminals. One couldn’t take a step without seeing a carjacking, a drug sale, a mugging. It was the perfect place for a criminal enterprise to begin and flourish.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone, then, when someone other than the corrupt law enforcement rose up to stop them.

The Wraith. No one had seen her face, but everyone knew the name. A figure in dark clothing, using knives and carrying out judgment against the traffickers and the dealers before disappearing into the shadows again. Those who used humans as a commodity seemed to be the biggest targets.

Which was lucky for the city’s latest big player.

“Kaz Brekker,” Inej murmured, studying the blurry image on the computer screen. He looked young, though how old she couldn’t tell with the quality of the photo. All that was really obvious was dark clothing and hair, a pale face, and the cane in his gloved hand. Both of which look…familiar.

“Why is he on our radar?” she asked Nina, who was slouched in the wheeled chair in front of the computer.

The young woman shrugged. “Possibly because he’s the main suspect in seventeen different robberies, but no one’s been able to prove it. Or because his right hand man shoots like no human being should be able to. There’s also the fact that he sprouted up out of nowhere overnight. Looks like he took control of Per Haskell’s gang, but he was there all along. We just didn’t see him until now.”

Inej frowned. “Why?”

Getting up from her chair, Nina headed towards the kitchenette in the corner of the basement room Inej used as her headquarters. “Probably because he didn’t want to be seen. And you’ve had other, bigger problems on your mind. Toaster waffle?”

Absently, Inej waved her off, mind spinning. Kaz Brekker. If his plan was to set himself up as the crime lord of the city, that could be a problem. Especially if he was as good as Nina said he was. “I might have to pay him a visit,” she muttered, more to herself than anyone else.

Nina answered anyway as she popped two waffles into the toaster. “Just do me a favor and don’t get stabbed. I have class tonight, and stitching you up doesn’t actually count as homework.”

Despite her cavalier words, Inej could hear the concern hiding behind them, and she smiled. “I’ll be careful, Nina. I promise.”

The other woman didn’t look overly comforted, but nodded all the same.

Later that night, after Nina had cajoled her into eating and resting, then swept off to her night class at Ravka University, Inej slipped out of her civilian clothes and into her suit. It wasn’t quite Superman quality, but the clothing was comfortable and good for sneaking and climbing. She checked to make sure her knives and gear were all secure, and set off into the night.

Brekker seemed to have set up shop at the Crow Club downtown. Inej knew of the place, but Per Haskell—the former owner—had never caused enough trouble for her to have risked the trip, not yet. She’d had bigger prey to track.

Slipping in was a simple matter. One of the windows was unlocked, and Inej eased through into what looked like an office. A desk lined with papers and books stood in the middle, with a cot pushed up against one wall. Does Brekker live here?

A key clicked in the lock, and Inej ghosted into a dark corner, keeping her steps quiet and smooth. A second later, the door swung open, and Kaz Brekker stepped inside, limp obvious, cane swinging.

She caught the barest glimpse of pale skin and high cheekbones before his back was to her, standing at the desk. His movements precise, he flipped through a file, gloved fingers tapping against the outside.

The tapping paused, and his head lifted a little. Then he spoke, his voice rasping and rough.

“The Wraith, I presume.”

How did he know I was here? Inej brushed aside the surprise. There was no use in pretending now. She moved out of the shadows, and Brekker turned to face her.

Inej’s heart skipped a beat. Not for any silly, romantic reasons—though the young man facing her was handsome enough, in a severe way. He was all sharp angles and dark shades, his dark brown eyes taking her in like she was a problem to be solved.

No, the reason her heart skipped a beat was because she knew him.

She hadn’t known his name at the time. But they’d met once, years ago. Before Inej became the Wraith, before she’d escaped the life that had driven her to take this path.

The police had found her. An undercover cop, Detective Nazyalensky, had made contact, and promised her that if she informed on Heleen and her entire organization, she would go free. Inej had been going to meet her the day of the bust when Heleen had summoned her into her office.

She’d known. Inej was sure of it, and if she went into that office, she would be beaten, or sold, or worse. Fear had threatened to choke her, and she’d wavered. Should she run? But she wouldn’t have made it, not if Heleen wasn’t distracted.

And then he’d walked in. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen, but carried himself like a full grown man. But he didn’t look at the girls as he came in, and that struck Inej as curious. The other customers ogled freely.

Maybe he wasn’t a customer. Perhaps he was one of the information dealers who came to Heleen for what the girl’s customers knew. In which case…

She moved toward him quietly, her feet brushing the floor. He was standing at the door of Heleen’s office, facing away from her when she said, “I can help you.”

He’d been startled when he turned to face her, though it faded quickly. He’d lifted an eyebrow, looking a little curious when Heleen’s voice had rung out from the office.

“Enough hiding, little lynx! I said I wanted to see you, and I want to do it now.”

Inej had flinched, unable to prevent the visions flooding her mind. The boy facing her frowned, just a little. Then, he’d spoken. Not to her, but to Heleen.

“You have an appointment to keep with me, Heleen. Haskell won’t wait forever.”

Grumbling, Heleen had appeared at the office door and waved for the boy to follow her in. Before he moved away, the boy had looked at her. “Don’t let them see your tell,” he’d said, voice too quiet to Heleen to make out. “And don’t look back.”

He’d entered the office, and Inej knew. It was time to run.

And so she did. She made it, and Heleen was locked up 24 hours later. Inej was free, and it was thanks to the actions of a stranger.

He had, whether he knew it or not, been the reason she’d gotten away, the reason she’d been able to tell the police everything.

His eyes narrowed a little as he looked at her, and for a second Inej thought, He knows. But then—no. He couldn’t. Her face was covered, and it had been close to four years since her escape.

“And you’re Kaz Brekker,” she said, keeping her voice cool. Business like. “The newest boss on the block.”

“Here to stop me?” Brekker asked, an eyebrow going up. “Bring me to justice like the Black Heretic? The Lantsov family?”

“The police took the Lantsov family,” Inej said, and Brekker snorted.

“The police in this town couldn’t solve their way out of a cardboard box. You handed them the arrest.”

He’s smart. “How do you know that?”

“I make it my business to know.” Folding his hands over his cane, he said, “So, what have I done to merit your attention? I thought I’d kept a fairly low profile.”

“You haven’t done anything. Yet,” Inej said, letting her hand rest on the knives at her waist. Brekker’s gaze followed the movement for only a heartbeat before locking back onto her masked face.

“Ah. Threatening me into submission. Interesting method. Unfortunately for you, I have plans that can’t be put on hold. And you don’t kill anyone unless what they’ve done meets your criteria.”

Inej wouldn’t show her surprise. “You’ve done your research.”

“It’s good to know who I’m dealing with. And to know how you intend to be rid of me.” Continuing, he said, “If you were going to kill me, I’d be dead. Everyone you don’t kill gets handed over to the police, and there’s nothing on me for the police.” The thinnest sliver of a smile appeared. “So, Wraith, your threats are to no avail.”

Oh, he could be dangerous. “Then consider this an appeal to your better nature,” Inej told him.

He laughed, sharp and bitter. “I don’t have one.”

“You have common sense. Don’t give me a reason to come after you, and I won’t.” Inej met his gaze, hoping he would see the intent in her eyes.

He was still for a moment, then inclined his head. “Then perhaps I will see you again, Wraith. Or perhaps not. We’ll see what your code dictates.”

Without another word, he turned back to his desk. Inej hesitated for a fraction of a second, then slipped out the window. Activating the ascension cable she wore strapped to her wrist, she fired it and swung out across the city. She needed to find somewhere to think before her nightly patrols began.

She had a feeling then that she would meet Kaz Brekker again. And she truly didn’t know if she hoped for it or dreaded it.

[usmsgutterson]

This might be a bit untypical but would you be down to write a kaz x reader oneshot with reader gettinf hanahaki disease 👀 i love your writing and i love angst so might as well ask 😭

The Rain- K.B x gn! reader

Okay, this request was really fun because hanahaki has never been something I've ever actually written (I found it intimidating until I wrote this fic) but I had a blast! I too am a lover of angst and I hope that this packs a bit of a tearful punch for those in need of a good cry lol.

Fic type- angst

Warnings-mentions of vomiting/sickness, a mention of a cough, a mention of a concussion (nina threatens to throw kaz against a wall and a concussion is brought up)

It’d started six months after you realized you were in love with Kaz Brekker. Petals would start coming up as you coughed, having developed what you’d thought to be a cold. 

You dismissed it at first. You’d thought that it couldn’t be, there was no way that the feelings you felt for Kaz ran so deep, were so intense, that the mere fact that the feelings were unrequited would’ve triggered something like Hanahaki Disease. It just wasn’t possible.

But, over the next few months, it grew worse. One or two petals remained the same, but you grew to see them more frequently. You grew sicker and sicker, coughing up petals every single day, until you couldn’t hide it from the crows anymore. 

“I’ve heard of it,” Jesper said with an understanding nod. “Wylan thought it to be interesting. He wanted to find an antidote, and as a result, I’ve been hearing plenty about the disease for the past three months. He thinks he’s close, if that’s any consolation.”

“It stems from unrequited love, doesn’t it?” Nina asked. You were sitting with the two of them across from you, Inej sat to your right, in a booth at the Kooperom. It was early morning, the sun having risen and the day having begun. 

You gave a weak nod, and Ninas eyes turned pitiful instantly. 

“It’s Kaz, isn’t it?” Jesper asked. “If it is, then maybe your love isn’t unrequited. Maybe he’s just too emotionally constipated to realize that he might just love you as you do him.” 

“It’s been nine months,” you said. “I don’t know how much longer I have. I can’t keep waiting for him to realize that he might—I just can’t. The longest someone with Hanahaki has lived has been a decade, and that was only a one off. There’s no cure for this, I have to die in pain because I fell for someone I can’t have.” 

Inej took your hand, gave it a squeeze as you rested your head against her shoulder, fighting off tears at the thought of it.

It was true, though. The lifespan for people with Hanahaki Disease could be anywhere from two to eight years. It was less than a thousand days of sickness or barely less than three thousand, and you couldn’t figure out which sounded worse. Dying early and sick or dying with an additional eight years tacked onto your life but having barely been able to function after the sixth, likely being bedridden past the seventh.

“You can try to move on,” she said. “You can find someone new, or you can do what Jesper and I are doing. You can hope that Kaz Brekker is just a fool enough to have not realized he feels the same. You’re nine months in. You have at least another fifteen. Let yourself be hopeful until you’re down to a year left on the minimum scale.” 

Nina reached out, took your other hand, and Jesper gave you a sad grin. “Mind if I tell Wylan? Maybe get him to start devoting more time to antidote?”

You gave a wordless nod, took a deep breath in an effort to stop the tears before they came. 

“We’ll find a way,” Jesper said. 

“I will throw him against a wall,” Nina offered. “Give him a concussion, hope it makes him see sense.” 

You managed a laugh, hoping that a cough wouldn’t come from it and swallowing back the the petal you felt come up when a cough came to fruition. You were lucky to have the friends you did. You knew that. You’d always known that.

-

“Yeah,” you said, shrugging as you walked into Kaz’s office. “Sorry. I’ve been sick lately.”

“Nina mentioned it,” Kaz said with a nod. “Wylan was glowering at me when she did, too. I noticed you’ve been looking sickly lately but I figured it wasn’t my place to ask.”

“It’s not,” you said, heading straight to the kettle Kaz had kept in his office. “I mean—you don’t need to concern yourself with it, is all. It was terrible for about a year, but it’s been getting better recently.” 

A lie, of course. It was getting worse everyday, and you’d only looked so healthy because you’d called in a tailor and a healer to see what could be done. The tailor had made you look like the person you were before the sickness kicked in, and the healer lessened the effects. You’d gone from vomiting halves of flowers to vomiting a petal or two every few hours, reminiscent of how you were when it started. 

“You’ll be useful on jobs again, then. Good to know.” Part of you wanted to punch him in the face, and the other part knew that the idea of a job was exactly why you’d gone to see him. You missed the jobs, the ones you were too sick to take part in throughout that year. The healer had given you another year, at least. Six more months would surpass until you got sick and could no longer work. 

“Yeah. I want in on the next one.” 

“Consider it done,” Kaz said as you poured the hot water into a mug and added two teabags to it. “Let me guess, you came round to steal one of my mugs, make your demand, and then go?” 

You coughed into your elbow, feeling the petals land on your coat sleeve and adjusting before Kaz could notice them. 

“Of course I did, Brekker,” you said. “Why else?” 

Kaz paused, not knowing what to say.

“Because I’ve—” he’d what? Missed your company? Missed seeing your face everyday, talking to you, listening to the sound of your voice? Missed the sound of your laughter, the sharpness of your wit, the distinctive way his heart flittered when he would catch sight of your eyes in the glint of the sun? The distinctive way his heart flittered, the way which he’d long grown used to ignoring because love was weakness to him? “Nothing. Nothing.” 

You scoffed. “Of course it’s nothing,” you said as you moved to leave.

Kaz shrugged, saying nothing as he watched you go.

-

You’d had a lot less time than you’d thought. Three months later, when Wylan had thought he’d finally found an antidote, Inej had found you, sound asleep in your bed at the Slat, your pulse gone. 

The first person she told was Nina, and then she made it to the Van Eck mansion and told Wylan and Jesper. 

She delivered the news to Kaz last, informing him he’d have to find a replacement for the heist you were due to join them on when the crew left a week later because you’d died of Hanahaki disease.

There was a funeral, of course. It was a small one, just Nina, Wylan, Jesper, Matthias, Inej and Kaz. Your body was cremated, a small headstone placed in the cemetery close to Black Veil, and your ashes blended with soil so that your body could return to the ground and take root in the earth. 

The soil was used in the memorial garden Jesper and Wylan had started, the one that Inej visited daily and helped maintain in the dry summers, the one that made Nina burst into tears the minute she saw it through an open window.

Jesper and Wylan had long grown used to seeing Matthias' version of the same, the deflation of his shoulders and sad look in his eyes when he realized that the garden was the one with your ashes

One thing that Jesper noticed about Kaz was that, whenever he was over and the garden came into his sights, he looked remorseful. Like he’d known that you’d died and it’d technically been his fault. 

He could never keep his eyes on it for too long, Jesper observed. He would always snap his gaze away after a few moments and would blink rapidly like he was fending off an expression of genuine emotion. It made Jesper scoff whenever he noticed it, but in the end, all that mattered was that you were where you wanted to be.

In a garden, amongst your favorite flowers, soaking up the sun when it came around and the rain you’d loved so dearly when it fell.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don’t Go Blindly Into The Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Meanwhile there is a darkness growing in Ketterdam, and it seems a killer may be stalking the streets of West Stave. An unknown evil is closing its jaws over the city, and it’s starting to feel like nowhere is safe.

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus @i-need-help-this-is-my-obsession @devoted-people-hater

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: death references, dead bodies, grief

AO3 link

Chapter 60 - Nina

It had been, in the end, the Squaller from West Stave who managed to bring Nina news of Anya. He had a friend who worked in the Geldin District who knew a Grisha indentured to a house on the Geldstraat who knew a Fabrikator at the Hoede house who was indentured alongside an old Squaller called Retvenko, who claimed to know everybody. Considering how long the trail to reach Retvenko had been, Nina was pretty sure that he didn’t know everybody, but she had been willing to let that technicality slide if he knew anything about Anya. In the end, though, it hadn’t mattered that the Fabrikator, Yuri, he’d been called, knew Retvenko because, first of all, Anya had also been indentured at the Hoede house and, second of all, Yuri was dead. 

Nina sat in her room at the White Rose, staring at the message in front of her. In trying to reach Yuri the person that the Squaller on West Stave’s friend knew had only been dismayed to learn of plague outbreaks in the house, and shortly afterwards of Yuri’s death. They’d managed to get in contact with Retvenko - apparently even if he didn’t know everybody he knew enough people to be reached through multiple different routes - who had confirmed the reports of Yuri’s death, informed them that yes, he knew exactly where Anya was, because she had also been indentured at the Hoede house, and refused to comment on the matter any further. It hadn’t taken too much more digging on Nina’s part to learn of the body in a bedraggled red kefta that had washed up in the harbour the other night and been quickly rushed to the bodymen whilst its discovery was hushed up. 

There was no confirmation it was Anya, was there? There was also no confirmation that it wasn’t - and who else could it be? The best possibility was that she was missing; that she’d run from the house in the wake of some kind of disease outbreak and no-one had been able to track her down. The worst was that she was dead; in her attempt to run, maybe having taken a ship out to try and return to Ravka, she had drowned and washed back up into the Ketterdam harbours. 

Nina didn’t want either of them to be true. 

“I can’t tell him,” she’d lamented to Inej, privately cursing herself for the dramatics when nothing had happened to her herself. 

Inej gave her a knowing glance as she shuffled, settling deeper into her cushions. They were perched on her bed at the Slat, leaning against the wall, pillows propped behind their backs so they were almost comfortable. 

“You know it’s worse if you don’t,” 

Nina nodded.

“I know. I will, I just…” she lowered her head into her hands, staring at the fold of her trousers and the edge of Inej’s quilt cover that was visible between her crossed legs. Her palms were cold against her temples, “I want to give him one good thing. Just one. And all I’m going to do is hurt him,”

She thought of the tall, dark-panelled walls of the Van Eck house, the cold of the room in which she’d first met Wylan, as though in defiance of the fire crackling in the hearth. We aren’t supposed to talk. The hour they had spent in fraught silence, the fire and the distant wind their only company, as he sat still and stiff beneath her touch. He’d been, in some ways, different by the day he came to the White Rose. In the obvious ways, yes, he was thinner and frailer and paler, but in smaller ways too. He talked to her, a little, whilst she worked, and he smiled afterwards - for a moment, even if the tears were coming. 

Inej’s hand closed over Nina’s wrist, an unexpected and almost sharp motion. 

“Look at me,”

Nina turned to face her slowly, gaze rising to meet Inej’s. 

“You are not the one hurting him,”

“Inej-”

“You have to tell him,”

She thought of Wylan’s slow smile, of the grip of his hand around the edge of the chair so tight that his knuckles paled. She thought of the blood rushing to his cheeks with any gentle correction she gave him, of the sheer terror in his eyes when he’d woken from his faint in her room. Nina nodded. 

“Yeah,” she whispered, “I know,”

She hadn’t exactly expected it to happen so quickly though; she’d left Inej on the staircase of the Slat and walked downstairs to find Wylan hovering by the door. He’d said barely anything since she came over, in fact for a minute she hadn’t been sure he was listening to her at all as he continued to sit perfectly still, staring at her hand on his, but when she’d done her best to gently explain that the body they’d found in the harbour may or may not have been Anya’s he adjusted his fingers beneath hers, just a little at first but then turning his hand over properly to return her hold. It was only then that she properly acknowledged he wasn’t just staring at their hands, of course, he simply could not see her. 

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Nina let herself fall still, focusing on the feeling of Wylan’s hand in hers, locating his pulse and listening to his breathing. A tear fell down his cheek, and then another and another, but he didn’t move to brush them away. After a moment, she dared to whisper: 

“Do you want me to… to lessen it? I can make it feel…” she hesitated. She didn’t want to say better, “different,”

Wylan seemed to consider this for a moment, but then he shook his head. His voice was soft and low when he ventured: 

“I think I need to feel it,”

Nina nodded, then caught herself and instead just gave Wylan’s hand a gentle squeeze; she didn’t think anything needed to be said out loud. She wasn’t sure how much time passed, though it probably wasn’t many minutes, before footsteps began to clack closer to them through the general noises of the Slat and Jesper’s voice moved tentatively through the air. 

“Nina? - Wylan? Are you alright?”

Wylan drew his hand away from Nina’s with a sharp inhale of breath, reaching to wipe his eyes with his shirt cuff as he turned away. 

“What’s going on?”

A beat passed before Wylan, slightly strained and still not turning towards them, managed: 

“Can you-? Please, I can’t- I-”

“Of course,” said Nina, softly, before nodding for Jesper to follow her a few steps away. 

She filled him in briefly, keeping her voice low, glancing back to Wylan over her shoulder with every other word. He’d barely moved a muscle since they stepped away. 

“Did he say anything?” asked Jesper, quietly, watching Wylan. 

“Not much,”

“Alright,” he gave her a sort of half smile, “Thanks. Are you okay?”

Nina opened her mouth, then closed it again, then managed: 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” 

Jesper looked at her for a moment, then nodded and stepped away. 

“Wylan?” 

Wylan didn’t seem to respond. 

“Wylan? Can I take your hand?”

This time he nodded, to which Jesper looked a little relieved, and when Jesper’s hand closed over his he seemed to return the motion. 

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Jesper asked, gently, “We can get some privacy,”

A moment passed before Wylan nodded again, keeping his grip on Jesper’s hand as he stood up. Nina stood and watched them leave in silence. Her chest felt hollow.

[lunarthecorvus]

My Kanej headcanon

Kaz, Inej, Wylan, and Jesper have a joyful end to the party

Previous chapter

This is a word vomit headcanon not a fic, so it is not written well or proofread, anyway I hope you enjoy :)

When Kaz and Inej finally went back to the party, it was clearing out, and the only people left were drunk merchers stumbling, making their way out of the building. Jesper took a look at Kaz and Inej with their obvious flustered appearance, and their flushed faces didn't help. He let out a wide smirk and was glad that his friends were finally able to have those secret flustered moments, despite all that the world had taken from them. Jesper elbowed Wylan to show him what two of the most vigilant people looked like when they let go of it all.

When the last of the guests left and it was only the band and the crows left, Jesper popped a cork, took a swig, passed it to Wylan, and said "To another successfully dreadful merch party".

Wylan passed it to Inej, who took a drink and offered it to Kaz, who looked at the bottle as if it had personally wronged him. However, Kaz did reach into his coat pocket, pull out a flask, and take a sip. Jesper cheered and told the band to play a song, he offered his hand to Inej, who accepted and all of a sudden Jesper was taking Inej onto the stage where only an hour ago Wylan had said a speech on. Inej let out a laugh, and they danced like they had back on the nights out with Nina back before the Ice court.

Kaz looked at the two people dancing, the woman he deeply loved, and the brother he'd gained. Wylan coughed and said it was nice to see Kaz like this, just happy. Wylan took a look at kazs bewildered but pleasantly surprised look at him and went to walk away when he heard kaz quietly said "You're doing a good job of this Wylan, its good to see you've grown into your skin".

He carried on this walk to the stage, and Jesper immediately roped him into a dance. Inej saw Kaz, ran down to him and grabbed his wrist (she did make sure he was ok first), and dragged him to the stage. Somehow, during this time, Jesper had obtained another bottle, opened it again, and let Kaz take the first drink this time. The sight of Kaz taking a drink made the others let out giddy laughs. They took turns again and continued to dance, enjoying the moment.

A waiter was on their way out when they heard a noise of laughs and peaked in the ballroom to see a group of some of the most deadliest people in the barrel dancing and laughing. They smiled and thought about just how dangerous they were, when all they seemed like a group of young people who had found their family. They hoped that one day they would find people who felt like that.

While Jesper and Wylan were dancing like a tangled mess of limbs. Inej turned to Kaz, who had a had a smirk on his face, which was obviously his attempt to hide a smile. She offered her hand to him, he took her hand, and laid a kiss on it, Inej felt her cheeks heat up and glanced at Kaz, who let out a pleased smile on his face at her reaction. He wrapped his hands around her waist, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and they stood there oribting around in each others presence. After a few minutes, the music stopped, and the band said time was up. Jesper let out an experated overdramatic sigh, which lead Wylan into a fit of giggles and the Inej followed Wylans lead giggling along with him, Kaz and Jesper joined in and the night ended in a fit of laughs.

I hope you like this <3

[swanimagines]

HC: KAZ IS A PROTECTIVE UNOFFICIAL BIG BROTHER FOR A TRAUMATISED READER

 - Kaz was 18 years old when he first saw you - a shivering child, barely even a teenager, bruises covering your body and just underwear on.

- He knew from the first glance that you were from one of the pleasure houses, judging by how you peered towards the street full of them.

- Kaz didn’t really know what came over him - maybe you reminded him of himself as a child to some extent. A broken child with nowhere to go.

- Or maybe Inej was whispering into his ear across the seas, urging him to save you.

- So with a sigh, Kaz limped towards you, and you backed up into the corner the moment you saw him - Dirtyhands approaching you was probably even more scary than your master finding you - or at least on par with it.

- You had probably been taught he rips hearts out and eats them while they are still beating, like one of the newest rumours said.

- But instead, after Kaz had glanced around, he shed off his coat and held it out for you.

- You stared at him with wide eyes, then at the coat, then again at him.

- So Kaz sighed again, took a careful step towards you and laid the coat around you.

- You let out a breath, furrowing your brows as you looked up at him, carefully pulling the coat tighter around you. You clearly had not expected the turn of events.

- Kaz then nodded towards the Slat before turning away, and you silently followed him - some semblance of trust had been established.

- He was probably the first person to show even some kind of kindness to you in a long time, even if he was the most feared crime boss around, and you knew you had two options - returning to the pleasure house or following Dirtyhands. And only the first option had a certain severe beating, even death, so you chose the latter.

- When you arrived at the Slat, people fell silent. You were dirty and terrified, with Kaz’s coat wrapped around you.

“Jesper,” Kaz had called, and a Zemeni man with two guns on his waist strode towards you.

- You immediately staggered back, hiding behind Kaz - men with guns often meant you’d be threatened next, and then you’d be forced into something horrible.

- The man frowned at your reaction, and talked with Kaz for a moment. You barely heard what they were saying, your eyes too fixated on the guns.

- A boy with messy hair came to you next - his eyes kind, and you found yourself relaxing a little. He extended a hand towards you, and you looked at Kaz, who nodded and you took the boy’s hand, letting him lead you to a bathroom. And you were able to have a bath all by yourself - relax there, taking your sweet time. Your master wasn’t brushing you with a sponge until your skin was red and irritated, you could lay in the warm water, wash away the grime, wash your hair and just… feel you were safe.

- At least for now. You knew from experience you couldn’t trust anyone before they had truly shown you they were to be trusted.

- Even when the Bastard of the Barrel, somehow, made you trust him almost instantly.

- There just was something strange about him - something familiar. You had a feeling he had understood you somehow.

- When you rose from the bath, wrapping a towel around you and changing into way too big clothes - you made your way out from the bathroom and made your way back downstairs.

- Your eyelids had started to feel heavy from relaxing for so long in the bath and when Kaz noticed it, he gestured you to come with him, and you made your way to the attic. 

- There, he made you a bed on his sofa.

“You can sleep here,” he had said, and you swallowed before slowly lying down and pulling the blanket over you.

- You didn’t know if you had ever slept somewhere so comfortable as his sofa was - your “bed” at the pleasure house had been a plank you regularly got splinters from. So it didn't take long for you to fall asleep.

- You had woken up to Kaz coming to sleep as well, but were quickly falling back asleep again after you realised he’s not going to assault you.

- In the coming weeks, Kaz grows to be fiercely protective of you.

- One time, you actually saw one of the men who had spent a night with you as you were at the Club - and Kaz immediately told his goons to throw the guy out.

- He hadn’t even done anything while there, but Kaz wanted to protect you.

- Of course, he didn’t tell anyone the reason why he threw that guy out…

- You both suffer from nightmares, Kaz pushes his own nightmares aside to do his best to comfort you with your own nightmares.

"They fade over time," he had told you one night, as you had woken up screaming and had been rocking yourself back and forth, hugging your knees. Kaz had come running to see what's the matter, and seeing your tear-stained cheeks told him everything he needed to know.

You had looked up to him, huffing. "How are you supposed to know that?"

Kaz didn't reply right away, just held his cane, running his thumb over the crow head as he looked at the floor.

"They do," he then repeated, standing up from beside you and leaving the room. You had sat there for a moment longer, before you had laid down again, attempting to continue sleeping.

- Overtime, Kaz realised he cared for you - he felt like he was your big brother.

- After Inej came back from her sea adventures, she quickly became something between a mother and an aunt to you.

- She grew to love you just as much as her boyfriend did, even when Kaz didn’t show it as much as Inej.

- Inej could offer you peer support, when Kaz protected you from harm.

- And of course, Jesper and Wylan grew close to you too.

- Sometimes, you fell asleep against Kaz’s shoulder, and he let you - you had grown close to him, and he was recovering from his own traumas, touch wasn’t that big of an issue anymore.

- Having you leaning against his shoulder, touching him through his shirt, your hair slightly touching his neck - it didn’t feel that bad. 

- He barely felt water hovering over his toes. Actually he wasn’t even sure if it was water or if it was a draft blowing through the floor.

- He could touch Inej skin to skin too, so you being his unofficial little sibling could rest against him if that were to happen.

- When you were outside, he made sure you wouldn’t drift too far from them, the Barrel was full of dangers. Especially if someone from your old pleasure house would see you.

- Fortunately most knew you were under his protection.

- And as you became older, you were healing a lot faster than Kaz was - and even though he knew he wasn’t actually your brother, he sure felt like one - a proud brother.

- Kaz didn’t believe in Saints, but he still felt like something had brought him up to you, at the right time - something had just clicked.

- And now his family had one more member.

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[theogony]

The Jesper Fahey Foolproof guide to getting your friends to fall in love™

written for the grishaverse big bang 2023 (@grishaversebigbang)! Pleasure to work on a lighthearted fic for a change of pace ^^ thank you sm to yaalni (@bloodyrakshasi ) for betaing the fic, and please go check the absolutely stunning works of accompanying artists :)

@intrgalartic (link to art here) @bubble--berry (link to art here) @jmie-draws (link to art here) @mitraavrs (link to art here)

"Wait, no, that’s it. That’s perfect,” Jesper says, and everyone turns to look at him. “What if we use like - what’s the term - reverse psychology?” Jesper pauses, for additional appropriate gravitas (as though everyone in the table isn’t already looking at him with varying degrees of shock, horror, or scheming.)

“What if we still say it straight - but to the opposite person - tell Inej that Kaz likes him and Kaz that Inej likes him,” he finishes, triumphant.

The table quiets down, before interrupting into a series of loud whispers borderlining on shouts, before quieting down again as everyone mulls over the idea.

All in all, Jesper thinks, it’s a pretty promising reaction.

-

When even the imminent departure of Inej cannot prompt either her or Kaz to confront their feelings and cross the invisible line the two of them have been toeing for entirely too long, Jesper and the rest of their friends decide to take matters into their own hands with the help of PowerPoint transitions, nosy partners, and perhaps the entirety of Ketterdam University.

Alternatively, the faked into dating AU, wherein Jesper learns that perhaps he's not as good a matchmaker as he thought he was.

read part of it under the cut! / ao3 link

The hallways part like a sea before them, whispers following them as the 6 (well 7 really, but no one's terrified of Wylan even with the rest of them surrounding him) skulking figures stalk down the hallway, leaving behind the principal's ajar door in their wake. 

All in all, it's a pretty normal day for Kaz Brekker and the crows, really. 

"You'd think we'd robbed the school ourselves at the rate the students are avoiding us." 

Jesper laughs merrily, throwing a friendly arm over Inej's shoulder.

"Relax, Nej. Besides, it's not like you're going to be here in this shithole much longer anyway!"

Inej lets out a tinkling laugh, lips momentarily turning up at brief levity - before she purses them again, turning around to address the rest of them.

"Alright, enough moping around about inevitable change - don't think I've noticed some people in particular practically avoiding me since the trip was announced."

Though the rest of their group tries their level best (which is to say, not at all) to hide their snickers - it's pretty obvious who the message is directed at. After all, there's only one person whom Inej would never bother to hesitate to call out so publicly - only one person whom Inej would never forget to look out for. 

To his own credit, Kaz looks away non committedly, before hefting his bag slightly higher. 

"If you forget to collect your dance shoes from the studio, I don't even think I'd be able to stop Baghra from keeping you here."

Imej hums before walking next to him.

"Fair enough. But you know that I'd stay if you asked me to."

A tension fills between the two of them, filled with unspoken possibilities. 

"I think I'd eventually learn how to handle my accounts on my own, thanks." 

The both of them shrug, turning away from each other, though the tense look on both of their faces tells a very different story.

The fact of the matter is this - no matter how much Inej wishes, Kaz wouldn't dare take away everything Inej has worked for - even if that meant depriving them of something that both of them wanted so badly.

Eventually, Inej shakes herself and joins Kaz, currently facing forward, an impenetrable stone wall of emotion. Together, they tentatively begin talking again about a topic that's too quiet for the rest of them to hear and enclose themselves in a bubble of their own - disappearing into the winding hallways.

read the rest here!

[bi-bard]

Atlantic - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Atlantic

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader

Based On: Atlantic

Word Count: 1,124 words

Warning(s): touch aversion, mention of anxiety

Summary: Kaz goes to (Y/n) for help in preparing for the upcoming heist, much to (Y/n)'s confusion. Luckily, all is made clear soon enough.

Author's Note: I find it fascinating how different my perception of this song after just a matter of months.

Part One of "June" [Release Date: 7/3/2023]

Part Three of "June" [Release Date: 7/7/2023]

YEARBOOK - SLEEPING AT LAST WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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Having Kaz show up at my door once was strange.

Having him show up twice was alarming.

It was a few days after I had been taken off of the job. Kaz had kept me largely informed. He told me what they were after and how they were going to travel. I took it all to be a rare act of kindness on his part.

"I thought you were leaving for the job," I said as soon as I opened the door.

"After sunset," he corrected.

"You told me before sunrise. I-"

"You what?"

I held my tongue. He knew what I was going to say.

I had gone to wait for them. I had tried to hide away until it would have been too late for them to turn me away.

"You lied to me," I replied.

"Call it preemptive," he looked to the side. "Are you going to let me in?"

I let out a small huff before stepping to the side for him to walk in. I closed and locked the door behind him.

"I need a favor," he said simply.

"You want me to do you a favor after you just admitted that you lied to me?"

"I wouldn't have needed to lie if I could trust that you weren't going to try to sneak onto the mission."

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

"I need to learn how to dance," he explained. "Properly. It's the only way that Nina and I will be able to make it beyond the main room."

"You want to learn to dance well enough to fool many who have been preparing for these kinds of events their whole lives in a matter of hours... with your hurt leg," I asked. "And you want to do that dance in a room crowded with people with someone that you despised touching your hand for a matter of seconds?"

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Yes."

"Is this another attempt at that secret comedy career?"

He just raised an eyebrow at me.

I ran my hands over my face. "Well, forgetting the major flaws with this plan... why not ask Nina to help?"

I saw him tense a bit.

"Kaz-"

"You know more," he cut me off bluntly. I saw how uncomfortable he seemed. "It's a better choice."

I took a moment to let my eyes scan him. "Okay. You'll need a place for your cane."

"Inej is going to meet us and get it back to me."

"I see," I nodded.

I watched him lean the cane against the wall. I had to stop myself from rushing forward to help him as he stepped back toward me. Instead, I waited until he was right in front of me. I held one hand out to him, waiting for him to place his hand in mine.

I watched him take a deep breath as he did so.

I reached up and touched his shoulder, now feeling him tense instead of merely seeing it.

"Are you alright," I asked quietly.

He slowly nodded. "Yes. I'm fine."

I nodded. I felt his hand touch my side. "Still alright?"

"Yes."

"If your movements are subtle enough, no one will even notice the limp," I suggested. "Just... follow me. You're a smart man. I'm sure that you'll get a hand of it."

I expected the entire thing to last a matter of minutes before Kaz decided to step away.

I was wrong.

I was so worried about scaring him. Kaz would never admit to being scared. I knew that. But I could see it. Maybe it was more obvious than he meant for it to be, maybe I had just grown to see it.

The movements were small. Only enough to be noticeable. I didn't want him to hurt himself at all. He probably despised the idea of me being so protective of him, but I couldn't help it. It was a natural consequence of spending so much time with the Crows. I worried about all of them, but with Kaz, it was more intense.

Sometimes I believed that was because of his hatred for people looking out for him.

I don't know when the energy in the room shifted.

Or when we stopped moving.

It was all very tense. But not in the same way that it had been before.

Before it was all anxiety. My fear of upsetting Kaz meeting with his fear of touch, which he would never admit to.

But this new tension wasn't anxiety. Or it wasn't anxiety on its own. It was something much more intense... something deeper.

"Kaz," I muttered after realizing that we were just in front of each other.

He didn't reply.

He stared at me silently.

My eyes nervously fluttered around the different parts of his face while his eyes remained hooked on mine. I felt my skin warming up under his gaze. Saints, it was unfair that he got to have such an obvious impact on me.

I felt his hand move in mine. His hold flexed a bit.

I turned to look at our hands. I assumed that he was uncomfortable. I looked back at him and went to pull my hand back.

I didn't get a chance to do that.

As soon as I went to pull back, Kaz leaned forward. I didn't have a chance to react to his movements before his lips brushed mine. It was only a few seconds at most before he leaned back again. As if he had moved out of some kind of instinct before he suddenly snapped out of whatever state he had been in.

He quickly pulled away from me. His hands dropped from me, his eyes went slightly wide, and he turned away from me entirely.

"Kaz," I said quietly as he went to grab his cane.

"I must go," he replied.

"Wait, Kaz-"

"Goodbye."

He walked out, only stopping to clumsily unlock my door. I had never seen him show any sign of being clumsy before. Not like that.

As the door slammed behind him, I felt a deep breath escape me.

The tension and anxiety hadn't followed him. If anything, they had only amplified.

I closed my eyes.

I couldn't get my thoughts in order. I was scrambling. Through the complete silence around me, it felt like my brain was yelling. I should have gone after him. I should have followed him and made him speak to me then and there.

I couldn't. I couldn't get my feet to move forward at all.

All I could do was stand there and let it all overwhelm me.

And hope that I would get to talk about that moment before Kaz did something very, very stupid.

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His long legs stepped fast, and Inej grabbed his hand to slow him the slightest bit. He was nervous. It was plain to see. Jesper had never been good at hiding his feelings— they bubbled to the surface like frothing champagne, whether they’re happy or sad, angry or frightened. Whether or not he was masking one feeling with another, it was always clear to Inej.

She knew him too well.

And he knew her too well, too. Well enough to not bother trying to mask anymore. His smile was tight at the corners as he tugged her down a side corridor. She squeezed reassuringly at his fingers.

What in the name of all the Saints was going on?

The room they stepped into was all stark white walls and rich hardwood. The windows were expansive— if the sun hadn’t set hours ago, there would be a lovely view looking over the gardens. Hanraat Bay sparkled in the distance. The city was lit up streetlamp orange and steeped in smog, just as it had always been.

It was lovely, if a bit clinical. There wasn’t a speck of colour in the whole room, and Inej felt a prickle of anxiety that they both still held their half full wine glasses. Jesper, though, didn’t seem to care at all.

He was utterly at home in the space— turning up the gas lamps, setting his glass on the desk with no coaster or covering, digging around in the bottom of a side drawer. He was bouncing ever so slightly on his toes.

It set something at ease in her chest. It was excitement— Jesper might seem out of sorts, but he wasn’t lying. It truly wasn’t bad.

“Jes?”

“It’s my workshop— Wylan had it set up for me to practise, and meet with my grisha tutor here.” He exclaimed triumphantly, finally holding up what he’d been looking for. It was a tiny pewter key. “It’s all a bit hush-hush, but he wanted me to be able to train it if I wanted.”

“It’s awfully plain.”

He grinned. “Not by choice, I promise. It’s to make transferring colours easier. It’s a pain in the ass to learn— so much easier to bleach something colourful, than the other way round.”

Beckoning her with an eager wave, he pulled a trinket box from the back of the desk, and inserted his hard-won key.

It opened with a click.

In the box, with Jesper holding his breath beside her, Inej peered in to see…

“I thought we were crows, not magpies.”

“Crows collect shiny objects as much as any other corvid.” Jes feigned offence, but he was practically vibrating. “I’ve been using anything I can get to practise on… don’t tell anybody, ‘Nej. This box has to stay secret. For now.”

The velvet lining of the lacquer box was almost inscrutable from the piles and piles of metal fragments inside. All of them were richly engraved with flowers and filigree, each one more beautiful than the last. Some were just pieces and parts of sheet metal, probably from proper practise with his tutor. But, others were more discernible. Keys, spoons, coins… rings.

“Did you do all this engraving?”

Her friend nodded, making an affirmative hum into his wine.

Everything slid into place in her mind so suddenly, she felt stupid for having missed it.

There were so many rings.

“Jesper Fahey, are you—“

“I’ve never been so happy, ‘Nej. I promise. I… it scares the Hell out of me.”

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