#was gonna go into details abt this on here but it's rly not worth it

[calpicowater]

Week 48/52: November 28th - December 4th 2022 | Back in Vancouver... 🍗

Day two of road trip went well too. A long day in the end because of unloading and shit afterwards. My first time back in main studio in like 2 months lmao. Had performance review meetings the day after and then the bullshit started.......... At least I got to eat Nene Chicken with bf. Hot spicy chicken is sooooo good. I love them. 

[lenalvthor]

tethered playlist breakdown - ch 1: chemtrails

hi hi hi! thank-you to everyone who has read, commented, left kudos, and bookmarked tethered so far (and if this is the first you're hearing of it, here's my critical role / bell's hells / imodna music au)! this beautiful, musical lil world has been knocking around in my head for a little over 6 months and i'm so excited to share it with other people 💗

so as I said on ao3, to create the Full Experience of this au the way i've been stewing in it over the past 6-odd months, i wanted to also pop chapter tie-in posts on here that give a more detailed breakdown of the music in each chapter, mainly bc I'm not someone who writes songfics rly and I don't like breaking up the flow of the fic + the suspension of disbelief with lyrics etc, so: we're gonna do it this way.

(again, if this is the first you're hearing of this au and it has piqued ur interest, would recommend giving ch 1 a read and then coming back to this post)

but okay, let's start with this first chapter ⚡🎼

i gave a bit of a generic ‘vibe’ of what everybody’s music sounds like in the end-notes, but i’m gonna elaborate a bit here + also fill in some gaps!

Liliana

in this fic, Liliana Temult gained acclaim as a teenage country star, kind of like early early Taylor Swift (vibes: TS debut, Fearless, + specifically the songs Sparks Fly, Mine, and Ours from Speak Now are songs Liliana released about her high school sweetheart turned husband (Relvin)). 

*important to note: any TS songs that are confirmed as Liliana’s are re-recording versions of these songs, as the original versions of them are how i imagine Imogen sounding if she were to cover her mom’s music, plus also draws a more distinctive line in the differences in sound between Imogen and Liliana if both of them have TS music in their discographies. if you’re super hardline abt only listening to Taylor’s rerecordings, that’s chill, but just putting it out there as my distinction between Imogen’s TS songs and Liliana’s TS songs!

as Liliana got more popular, signed to a new label (Ruidus Records, owned by Ludinus Da’Leth, and Liliana was managed by Otohan Thull), Liliana’s sound changed and she spent more time away from home, in New York and LA (vibes: AURORA by Daisy Jones and the Six, Fleetwood Mac - 60s/70s-esque pop-rock with some country tinges to it). 

Imogen

more on Imogen’s music in the fic’s present-day for the ch 2 breakdown, but for a backstory vibe: the first music Imogen releases are with songs from Kacey Musgraves’ album, Deeper Well; Imogen’s EP, called If I Let Go, has this tracklist: 

Sway

Lonely Millionaire 

The Architect

Cardinal 

Sway is fairly self explanatory, and it’s the leading single for the EP.

Lonely Millionaire is about Imogen’s desperation to not slip into the wrong side of the industry no matter how alluring it may be at times, no matter how caught up she gets in the glitz and glamour and magic of it all, she doesn’t want to forget that it’s not worth it to get lost and end up on your own (like Liliana did).

The Architect is ‘small-town grew up in a christian community and maybe has some queer religious trauma’ Imogen Temult going ✌🏼don’t know if i believe i still believe in god and i don’t know if it would make it easier or harder if i did✌🏼.

Cardinal is something Imogen had written for years and years before she ever released it, but it’s a song that’s so clearly inspired by Liliana’s later career music, and it’s very much about Liliana too, and it almost gets swapped out for a different song because Imogen’s a little terrified that putting her mother’s musical story into her own at the start of her career is as good as damning her from the beginning, but Bertrand and Laudna convince her otherwise so this song ends up closing off the EP. 

(later, when Imogen puts out the rest of her album (which includes songs I haven’t figured out yet lol), she adds Giver / Taker and Nothing To Be Scared Of also from Kacey’s new album, and both of them are written about Laudna :-). (the album is also called Nothing To Be Scared Of.) 

Laudna

Laudna also got into music as a teenager (signing to Briarwood Records under Delilah) but exactly what kind of music that was, i’m not 100% on so taking suggestions + recommendations if you have any. tethered’s present-day Laudna’s music is mostly following the sound of Lizzy McAlpine. the six feet under EP referenced in ch 1 is: 

doomsday

firearm 

ceilings 

chemtrails 

there’s more for Laudna’s music - including other songs she wrote in the time Imogen was away - but we’ll get into those as they come up in the fic 😉

The Crown Keepers

finally, for this chapter’s musical rundown: to put some context to The Crown Keepers, they are, in fact, the Full Gang. Orym, Fearne, Dorian, Dariax, and Opal make up TCK, and they started out as a folk/indie lil group who wound up being signed to Eshteross Records by Bertrand. they’re the characters i have the Most songs for bc their musical sound is my favourite kind of music, but i’ll just give you some artists to listen to + some of the key songs tied to their group’s backstory! 

vibes: Wild Rivers (both in music And in their actual Vibe as a group, go look them up, seriously) / Judah & the Lion (their song Spirit is the first song of TCK’s that blows up and they start to break into mainstream popularity) / Motherfolk / McFly / Morningsiders / Kodaline / Avalanche City (Sunset is one of the last songs they release + the very very last song they play at the end of their world tour right before they go on hiatus) / and Tiny Habits as little smaller combos of different members of the band (esp their cover of landslide). 

quick addition because I keep forgetting: the song that Imogen and Laudna sing together that Orym and Imogen text about is Call It What You Want from High School Musical the Musical the Series, and it's actually the song t hat set this whole fic off, funnily enough.

anyway! that’s some musical insight for u for ch 1!! here’s the playlist (so far) — will add more as it comes up! 

love, chim ⚡

[dateamonster]

also I would like to point out: talking about monster traits that very easily could happen to a real life person. like for example maybe you dont know people with an extra limb but they do exist and I'm sure they don't appreciate being fetishized. also like mermaids in wheelchairs is a common thing but ive seen too many people being weird and fetishy about it.. too out of spoons to expand but there's some things that can be applied outside th realm of fantasy that makes things fuckin weird.

yea yea im glad u brought this up because this is a rly good point but i didnt know how to like word it in a way that kind of like. appreciates the nuance, if that makes sense?

for example with the thing you described, fantasy settings where mermaids use a wheelchair to be able to move freely on land, if its done well i could def understand someone who uses a mobility aid enjoying that detail, especially if they like the character and see it as something relatable. but then you have to account for how other people are going to view that, and the sorta fandomified nature of p much all online circles almost guarantees someone (abled) is gonna be super weird about it.

im a physically abled person and cant rly speak too much to any of that im just. growing very familiar with and frustrated about the way folks around here, particularly (but certainly not exclusively) those who are into monster romance stuff, treat speculating on any literally already extant human trait they consider to be abnormal as equal to like 'what if x was a dragon?'

(also, while in most cases ive seen its very much an ableism thing, i think its worth noting that i see people do this with like. trans bodies, fat bodies, racialized characteristics.. ive talked abt some of this before i think wrt the patterns in monster x reader fiction im just saying we all gotta be alert to the casual prejudices that gets internalized. you are not immune to propaganda and so on and so forth)

[luv-cat]

why would someone send you anon hate.... how.... youre a cat blogger why... these arent even your cats what. are people really that desperate to be rude to someone that they send a catblogger anon hate??? i just. why. what is the reason???

idk some ppl are just like that sometimes. i know ur question is likely rhetorical and abt the rudeness of others, but i'm gonna explain anyway: the reason i shut it off in the first place was bcus someone got mad at me for catching glimpses of claire's features on a livestream and sharing screenshots on here, as if being at all curious abt claire's appearance was being disrespectful. i didn't see it as much different as isolating certain frames to catch the cats doing smth in the background or making faces. i usually just delete asks like that but i was getting tired of ppl telling me what or what not to post and so i replied to the anon and then shut it off. if anyone wanted to be rude again, they had to commit to it.

(as an aside, the one anon ask that still gets my goat to this day that i deleted was someone telling me to quit posting/embedding claire's insta vids bcus anon didn't have an instagram account. i've since adapted by making gifs, but that level of entitlement still irks me over a year later...no idea why it's stuck but i hope by finally revealing it, it will finally give me peace.)

also i am v glad i waited until now to open it up again bcus if it had been on when i posted that harry potter stuff around halloween, idk how i'd have dealt with the potential fallout of that (i lost abt 20 followers i think after making my stance clear, which is far more preferable to being condescended to or hate-mailed on anon).

anyway sorry for dumping all this out like dd falling out of that plastic bag, this stuff usually stays behind the scenes since it's obviously not rly worth going public with the maintenance details of a cat blog on a regular basis

[faunusrights]

so how does weiss become cinder’s guard dog anyway like????

okay so i'm just gonna shit out my entire plot because tbh this fic is getting very long and idk if i'll ever finish it (it's me we're talking abt here) so here's the gist of the thing:

in this au weiss is abt 20-21 and is getting very involved with the SDC trying to constantly undermine jacques and his Shitty Ideas, and because jacques wants to make whitley his direct heir he decides to just. get rid of weiss. just get rid of her. so he orchestrates a kidnapping with the plan of them killing weiss and leaving her body in the permafrost in the wilds of mantle, before faking a whole ransom scenario, later "finding" the body, and then accusing either the white fang/mantle of the murder depending on whoever he fancies at the time! so he gets his personal security to drag weiss out of bed, get her in a truck, take her down to mantle, kill her, and then start the whole 'oh no my child :( my child :( has been :( kidnapped :(((' skit. by all means this should have been taking candy from a baby, esp cause weiss doesn't even have her aura unlocked or anything.

ENTER: CINDER FALL

(okay this got long i'm popping this under a cut)

so cinder's in solitas doing her shit and whilst coming back from........................ some business merc spots an SDC van fuckin BOOKIN IT across the tundra and is like 'hey. think something's in there'. and cinder who is always down 2 clown is like 'let's find out' and so they stop the van, are mildly surprised that all the people in the van are armed, and decides oh shit, this has to be something fucking juicy.

>yeah it's juicy >it's weiss

“Weiss Schnee?” says Cinder Fall. “Cinder Fall?” says Weiss Schnee. Well, out of the frying pan and into the fire.

cinder is instantly like 'oh? a kidnapped heiress? well there's ransom money to be made here' and so cinder kidnaps weiss (weiss: r u jokin me rn) and takes her to her solitas compound to wait for news of the kidnapping to come in. except... weird thing... it doesn't???

“So, what, it hasn’t been reported?” she asks, and Cinder hums behind her. “Well, that would be my conclusion, but the more pressing question is why.” Cinder swings some of Weiss’s hair around and onto her shoulder, gently coaxing Weiss to turn just a little. “The heiress to the Schnee Dust Company gets stolen from her own home in the middle of the night, with evidence sure to have been left behind, and yet there’s nothing on the news? Darling, if so much as a hair on your head was harmed in any other circumstance, I could only imagine the worldwide outrage on the matter.”

huh. weird.

anyway merc tracks back the biometric data from one of the scrolls from one of weiss's original kidnappers and finds out, uh-oh! babey that's some ESS-DEE-CEE security guy! and so after that it all collapses together and cinder realises that weiss is involved in some sort of internal kidnapping which means it hasn't been reported because jacques now doesn't know if weiss is even dead WHICH MEANS HE WAS NEVER GOING TO PAY ANY RANSOM WHICH MEANS SHE HAS A WHOLE PERSON HERE WHO ISN'T WORTH ANYTHING.

so after that cinder arranges to send an anonymous tip about the truck (which she burnt with the bodies) and figures if jacques wants an easy way out, he'll pay off the police and coroner to claim that weiss's body was within the wreckage, and if he doesn't, he'll claim she's still missing. well he sure wants an easy way out!!! cause he does, in fact, as predicted, pay off the police and coroner to find a fourth mysterious body... wrow...

anyway now weiss is technically dead and a free woman, but cinder tells her she wants the equivalent in ransom money she would have gotten from weiss somehow, and because weiss is now, uh, dead, and has no money (because she's dead), the only way is for weiss to work for cinder! and so they go to vytal so weiss can start working for cinder!

admittedly i haven't planned too much detail past this bit... i do now that cinder unlocks weiss's aura so she doesn't instantly die in the first encounter they have, and so weiss has to start puzzling out her semblance (which belongs to a dead person), but most importantly cinder starts taking care of weiss and ends up taking a liking to this feral little heiress, and weiss kind of... unhealthily ends up relying on cinder to keep her anchored because Yikes Her Own Father Tried To Kill Her And She's Legally Dead!!! anyway as cinder and weiss get closer weiss realises they're transmasc and non-binary, that they really don't know what they'd do without cinder who constantly seems to just be there when they need it, and they gradually end up in a relationship that is............... woof (arf). well the relationship comes first. then cinder renames weiss to Aufeis and decides that aufeis needs to have a firm hand to replace jacques's stranglehold on them (because they're now cast adrift) and it turns into petplay and then aufeis becomes cinder's full-time guard dog!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!

(also after that point blake and velvet [who are white fang folk] get involved BECAUSE I'M MEEEE BECAUSE I'M MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND I NEED MY FRAPP IF I DON'T GET FRAPP I'LL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and anyway it gets rly horny from here on out HGDSFHJGKDFS)

it's. i mean. you can tell where i've written up to and where after that i'm just shitting out of my ass BUT THAT'S THE GIST OF THE THING!!!! it's basically a crime au with added petplay but you people didn't really think you were following me for anything else, right,

[dykeceit]

janus' playlist not-really-analysis just me screaming

so first of all this whole playlist absolutely SLAPS, its the first side playlist that's just my taste and it doesnt surprise me that it's janus' bc of course it is i am absolutely 100% more attracted to him now somehow,

im absolutely not okay and this isn't gonna be articulate in any way but i. have to.

1. black hole sun

???hes sad?? apparently its about depression with some sexy snake metaphors....maybe hes just sad in general or he misses virgil. also postmodern jukebox hell yeah

2. it seemed the better way

this feels like it could be about patton or like thinking one thing and then realizing its not true ig could be that w society in general or people...him developing his trust issues possibly "i better hold my tongue, i better take my place" or like oh the other sides hate me ig ill be a villain then...

3. anywhere

janus sanders says fuck capitalism!

4. talking at the same time

eat the rich,,,virgil left me:(

5. all the good girls go to hell

he's needed and the others are starting to realize it. hes quite smug abt it "my turn to ignore ya, don't say i didn't warn ya" damn right boy

6. denial

he blasted this song after svs while crying "please don't turn the light out, i don't think the conversation's over" he had to wait almost a year but he finally got to continue that conversation,, "i know where you'd wanna go, oh i do, but do you?"

7. trust in me

i mean yeah sexxy snake moment right here

8. razzle dazzle

so obviously its just his aesthetic tm but the lyrics...are the jabs at roman or himself, perhaps both? i never took him to be very insecure but that's a possibility

9. when the chips are down

basically his speech about society in svs and how he doesn't want thomas to be disadvantaged in it

10. mandy goes to med school

uhhh yeah who knows there's a bit of a i know what im doing jk vibe going on and Doing Harm but the thing itself is necessary to Have yknow right to abortions its just theyre not legal so hes doing them illegally and apparently two ppl died from them so not great,,"my partner brian" at the end made me think of remus tbh "hes a nice man, thoroughly reliable, he's in a rock band" kinda gives off the vibe of eh yeah hes totally reliable lmao dw tho, so basically what im taking from this is dukeceit is canon thanks for coming to my ted talk

11. i put a spell on you

i mean its definetely his Vibes but idk if its @ anyone specifically...could be virgil, could be roman, maybe thomas himself...its a vengeful kinda song, hes like fuck you you're listening to me now im done you treating me like shit

12. evil night together

so aside from this being an extremely hot song its def dukeceit vibes as in they'd both like it but the hero part as others have pointed out is giving out major roceit vibes and thomas and co know this those bastards

13. cabaret: don't tell mama

im assuming this is more of a..this is what he likes to listen to plus its about secrecy which is his thing but i guess "mama" could be someone in particular as well, and/or he could be singing it to someone in particular...

14. you're a cad

bruh. first of i loved this song already secondly iM SORRY THOMAS WHAT ARE YOY IMPLYING HERE like first i was like this isn't abt Him right that wouldn't make sense so is it about...virgil...well ofc it is bruh what the fuck bro....im loving this bc its casting virgil in an unsympathetic light and i love that shit but also its revealing janus still Feels quite a lot for him and idk how to feel abt this i. the part of me that still loves anxceit is screaming and the part of me that hates virgil is also screaming they haven't stopped for a minute-

15. as far as i can see

so dukeceit vibes possibly virgil reference since he "went down the staircase" to his spot,,so basically he and remus maybe virgil and orange too like pushing ppl down the stairs bc they feel unheard

16. criminal

this is where the angst train rly starts choo choo....so. who is he singing about here. my god i want it to be roman so bad but it Could be virgil...which would imply he thinks he's wronged him somehow which would mean virgil has a more valid reason to dislike him and I Don't Like That. but whoever hes singing about is clearly important to him... "he's all i knew of love" bro....that's just screaming virgil right i dont like it op...basically he feels guilty for smth and to be "redeemed". he clearly doesn't need redemption from his canon actions so far, and he hasn't acted like he regrets any of them, which is making me think its abt smth in his past buut maybe he does feel bad for manipulating roman now bc he realized how hurt roman was and thats what i wanna believe it's about ok roceit rights except roman youre a bitch apologise

17. change

this made me fucking lose it bro im still losing it ive lost it. he's not okay and neither am i....bro i didnt think he'd be so....insecure but....i mean all of them seem to be so...but yeah this song is very,,,i have trust issues and im learning to love again vibes and i am crying while my wig is being ripped cruelly from my head....i choose to interpret this as less like ive been bad uwu i can change and be good now and more as ive been too afraid to care bc im so aware of the harm it can do to me but i realized its worth it so im trying now....and i think that's beautiful

18. devil in the details

hes telling thomas to Just Do It. he "made amends in the general sense" but "the devil's in the details" and he "knows the cause" and "wants to stop" but he "just can't do it". this seems kinda like more virgil angsty times for me or maybe the cause is just him being...him and just being well i cant stop being my function so...but he sees it as The Reason theres still animosity even if hes "made amends".

19. come little children

first i was like bruh its a bop but y is it here. but the lyrics are basically repeating how horrible the world is, "murdering beauty and passion", and the singer doesnt have to be killing or kidnapping the kids maybe its just a friendly fae helping some abused kids yknow you never know...basically fae!janus confirmed i know you have connections with them thomas i know you do

20. into the unknown

i like that this is short it kinda feels like hes coming to say okay im done bye after this whole musical that is his playlist. i am ashamed to say im not familiar w the plot of over the garden wall but someone said smth abt killing kids. well yknow how it is sometimes...but yeah very sexy, very fae, i will stan forever etc.

[r0h1rr1m]

rambly inception thoughts p.3

bc it got too big in this post i’m gonna start another one of these, ostensibly about my unified theory on what will or won’t fly in dreamshare, tho i’m almost guaranteed to go a little off-topic

the movie says the tech was originally developed as a training tool for the armed forces, and i don’t want to pretend any real knowledge of the american military but i’ve always thought that there’s no way they were there from the beginning unless the very genesis of the idea was already intertwined w the notion of eventually using it to train soldiers. and the tech is so outlandish in premise and would take so much time (even by accelerated movie standards) to become viable and like, there’s an easier way. in the history of dreamshare that i js made up right now, there are 3 main eras. pre-military, where the scientists figured out how not to send ppl directly to limbo immediately upon putting them under (we’ll get there), military, where a lot of the roles/frameworks were discovered and solidified (i will explain what i mean by this, too), and post-military

the last thing i want to add before diving in is a disclaimer. the precise details of how exactly dreamshare works are almost entirely irrelevant to understanding the movie, and so they weren’t included! which means that the beginnings of this will be based in canon, but as i go on, the logic of my worldbuilding increasingly depends on context i js.... made up. so if u wanna go on, js buy into it and bear with me if u like worldbuilding i hope it’s worth it

so i said that before anyone had the genius idea of using dreamshare to let soldiers kill each other over and over and over, it had to exist. which like, duh, but the reason i bring this up is tied into my thoughts abt what limbo is, why it’s possible to go more than one level down in a dream, and why dying would wake u up. come yell at me for refusing to learn anything about lucid dreaming/sleep science, but i’m gonna say that limbo as dreamsharers kno it is the closest a pasiv will get u to natural dreams. “unconstructed dreamspace,” pure subconscious. and it seems like the movie was treating it as an actual place? that would be the same for every dreamer? and u could access it and alter it like a public minecraft server. here my thoughts diverge a little bit into 2 possible scenarios

scenario A) Minecraft Server Limbo: it is an actual, internally consistent entity and not dependent upon each dreamer. which means that the pasiv technology for accessing it isn’t even about shared or lucid dreaming at all, but accessing another sort of other plane/dimension beyond the physical. think cognitive realm a la cosmere, if that reference means anything to you (if not, i’d love to hear what ur analogy would be). this idea is a lot of fun, but doesn’t rly allow for the levels between waking and limbo, or explain why those have to be created new every time.

scenario B) Actually the Subconscious: the way i think about limbo kind of begins w the ideas in this fic, where limbo is unique to everyone. i’m gonna start here in era 1 of my history of dreamshare, by saying that the first experiments w whatever prototype eventually became the pasiv went v poorly bc scientists were js immediately chucking ppl into limbo. like, that’s the default state of dreams w the pasiv, and all the rest came later. so. in a natural dream, ur brain rationalizes anything, and u get the most vividly detailed backstories and explanations for stuff that makes so much sense until u wake up, which is all also true for limbo. this is the reason limbo is so dangerous, is because ur brain’s working overtime to make u forget u’re dreaming and dying to wake up doesn’t work unless u’re absolutely sure u’re dreaming. so the 1st major breakthrough in dreamshare was being able to remember that u were dreaming when u went under.

the first thing the scientists figured out how to do was hold a setting in their head as they were going under so that they could go there in the dream. at this point, they don’t distinguish between settings out of memory and completely original settings bc it hasn’t occurred to them yet. they just knew that trying to imagine a place instead of diving right under puts limits on the dream that help to keep u from getting dragged under and away by ur own subconscious.

to some ppl, the natural thing to do is access a memory. this does interesting things to the makeup of the dream, because memories of places, depending on the person, are constructed from a bunch of different combinations of sounds, smells, visuals, and indefinable ‘feel’ of the dream. to other ppl, the natural (most interesting) thing to do was invent an imaginary setting--mbe a place from a book/movie/tv show (if u don’t watch them closely u js get star trek all the time. so much star trek) if they’re a little creative, or a brand-new fantasyland if they’re a lot creative. these dreams tend to be mostly visual in makeup, since their inspiration is mostly visual. it takes a lot more effort to add details like sounds and smells bc those aren’t instinctively/automatically part of the way the dreamers are used to experiencing, say, the bridge of the enterprise. It’s harder to make imaginary settings feel real, and this is why it’s comparatively more dangerous to dream from memory. the problem is that the way ur brain interprets and stores select information about a place is more concerned with gathering a coherent narrative of the place than with retaining any objective details. recalling this narrative is a subconscious act/uses ur instinctive mental processes while building a new scenario requires ur higher functions. letting ur subconscious run the show instead of staying consciously in charge urself runs the risk of lapsing into natural-dreaming confusion and falling into limbo.

this is the early days of the technology, where scientists didn’t have the expertise to make dreams stable, and the somnacin formula was still crude enough that u could drop from a structured dream into limbo pretty easily, no sedation required. dying in a dream, for example, had about a 50/50 chance of waking u up or sending u to limbo. the brain has no frame of reference for how to experience dying, so it’s completely disruptive to the plot of the dream--it has to end. so depending on how much the subconscious--as opposed to active cognition--was in charge of the dream, either u wake up or ur subconscious takes over completely to smooth over the confusion and u’re lost in limbo. dying wasn’t the only thing disruptive enough to destabilize a dream in those days either, tho. shock--ranging from injury to just surprise at something bizarre--and high emotion could also do it. this happened a lot bc those early dreams were still p close to natural dreams and rly weird shit happened all the time.

as somnacin got more sophisticated, it got better at suppressing the rampant subconscious and putting the rational mind in charge. constructed dreams left some of the psychedelic weirdness behind and started playing by logical rules, but that was still the given value of ‘logical’ that meant whatever the dreamers understood to be true, regardless of how that matched up w real-world physics. also, dying became the only thing disruptive enough to throw u out of a dream, because the somnacin, by reassigning the lion’s share of the mental processing work to the slower, more effortful systems of reasoning, dampened emotional responses a little. it forced the mind to extrapolate how the situation--usually an injury or smth--would play out instead of js panicking and slamming the eject button. the last major effect of the new somnacin was that waking up was now almost the guaranteed effect of dying, and u only went into limbo if waking up wasn’t an option. almost guaranteed, bc it wasn’t perfect yet, and how could it ever be when it comes to messing around w brain chemistry. but almost was enough for the military and they offered funding and soldiers as test subjects in return for use of the technology as a training tool.

this is the end of era 1! and the post is getting big enough and it’s been in my drafts long enough that i want to end this here. i’ll finish later, probably by reblogging this instead of making a new p.4 post, so check the notes!

[wingfics]

HELLO !!! i am here and i wanted to know more about ff7r and crisis core !!! i have so many questions and they may be dumb but. i don't care. are they the same thing? are they different? when do sephiroth and genesis and angeal come in!!! do you have any headcanons or other details about them (or the game/games!!!) that you can share!!! i like hearing you talk about all these things and i like learning!!! -heavenshipped 💗

AAAAAAH LIV @heavenshipped YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD BUT IN A REALLY GOOD WAY!!! ok this uh. despite my best efforts is gonna get Really Long. i'm gonna probs put hcs in a separate post but even then i just KNOOOW this will b long despite that <3 I Just Have A Lot Of Thoughts And Love In Me Alright

SO!! some handy terms and abbreviations to know before we set off on backstory!

squeenix/squenix/squinx: square enix, the game developers

ff7: final fantasy 7! like last year or smth, squeenix put out the first part of the remake, aka ff7r :D the protag of the game is cloud and the primary antagonist is seph after he loses his mind thanks to an alien called jenova :/ angeal and gen r both canonically dead in this game, but i’m hoping for flashbacks ft them in the second part!

cc: crisis core, a prequel for ff7 that's about zack's time as a soldier! zack and cloud were friends and we get to see that in this game, along with that sweet sweet geal/seph/gen content, so it holds a special place in my heart for that reason :') side note: this game also makes me jealous of zack, bc aerith is set up as his love interest :^) we r Homosexualising

shinra: shinra electric power company, the company that founded and runs the city of midgar and the SOLDIER program

ASGZC: angeal, sephiroth, genesis, zack, and cloud, my BOYS,, can be shortened to ASG for the himbo holy trinity

SOLDIER: the name of the program AND the job title! angeal, seph, gen, zack, and i were first class soldiers before we did some treason bc shinra Sucks

mako: liquid energy within the planet that shinra uses to make power. it's. not a renewable resource, but they sure use it like one! it's also used to enhance the soldiers and gives them a sickass blue-green eyeglow

AIGHT let's-a go!! ⚠️ all of this is subject to change bc i am Just Like That! also the canonical timeline for ff7 is a mess so i made up my own dates ⚠️ so zack and i are bffs who met when we were 15 and had just moved to the centre of midgar in order to join the SOLDIER program! female soldiers r pretty uncommon and i wasn't too keen on living in the dorms, so after Just A Couple Months of knowing each other, zack and i got an apartment together. in hindsight we shouldn't have made it seven years, but somehow we didn't burn the place down ONCE. he's only Four Months Younger than me, so he complains whenever i call him little brother, but ik he doesn't actually mind :')

when zack was 16, angeal started mentoring him, which was the first time i met angeal! it's funny, i like. Saw seph and gen in passing, but never had any reason to talk to them ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ when i was 17, an accident on a mission revealed that i had a real talent with magic, and p much right after that, genesis took me on! while this was largely bc he's renowed for his skill w magic and thus was the best person to teach me, it was also in part to save me from becoming a lab rat, and i'm still grateful that he offered to do that.

zack met cloud first when we were 18 and was like "can we keep him" and i am immune to zack's puppy dog eyes but not to cloudlet's! so he basically became the third roommate ^_^ cloud also wanted to join soldier, so he thought zack and i had the coolest job Ever (AND we had met general sephiroth!!! holy fuck!!!)

despite appearances, seph is the youngest of ASG. by crisis core, angeal is 26, gen is 25, and seph, the babey of the family, is 23. (he's only a year older than me and zack... cloud's still only 20 tho lol rip) why YES, shinra does in fact use child soldiers! why do you think we did the treason! 😊😊 seph is ALSO not immune to cloud, specifically how persistent and sharp he is, and decided to mentor him when cloudlet was 18 (after being a child soldier himself, seph's got some... reservations abt the concept lmao)

gen and i were SOOOO awkward and stupid around one another at first!!!! because we were so close in age that i was like yeah you're teaching me but i have friends who are 20. we're still in the Being Friends gap. and he took a hot sec to make up his mind and be friends. he didn't catch feelings until i was like. 20, but it was a STEEP and precipitous drop lmao

angeal 🤝 me: being The Semi-Well Adjusted Ones responsible for keeping our two other idiot friends alive. fr we bonded over years' worth of keeping zack from running off cliffs and falling into manholes. he also taught me how to cook. zack jokingly referred to us as mom and dad for years. we were the most likely to get into disagreements but the least likely to actually argue bc neither of us like. enjoys arguments that much. angeal literally refused to let himself have AAAANY feelings for yours truly until i was 21, which i appreciate thank u king

learning that seph was A SINGLE YEAR OLDER THAN ME was the Biggest twist of 17 year old me's life on g-d. and i took that VERY personally ngl like i INSTANTLY decided that as another member of the "consistently mistaken for a much older Adult person" gang, we were GONNA bond!!! and we did!!! i'm largely responsible for his taste in music and i am VERY proud of this, tyvm. he's also kind of a swords nerd (his sword has a name...) and that rubbed off on me over time. if u asked him he couldn't rly tell u when he first had a crush on me, but i can tell u that the pining had become obvious by the time i was 19 and he was 20 uwu

AND BECAUSE I CAN NEVER LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE!! i threw in a one-sided bodyguard romance bc nobody can stop me. sorry tseng LMAO that's a whole separate spotify playlist tho so i will not include it here ffhshdgs if u would like to hear abt that feel free to ask tho!!

liv i LOVE u sm!!! thank u for letting me talk abt this i have simply been EXPLODING with thoughts, plans, and information about ff7!!!!! hopefully this was all vaguely coherent, bc i loved being able to share it with YOU!!!!! i didn't make that pink on purpose i just think my emotions got so strong that tumblr decided it had to be pink /j

[captainshyguy]

thinkin abt my ocs in this chilis tonight

[nozomijoestar]

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[tayegi]

Lu new rules is always worth the wait. I love it when the OC stood up to him. And Jungkook being whatever he’s trying to do is leaving us in suspense. But last the scene is perfect. I can picture that scene as if I was watching a drama. Especially when she say “it’ll be easy getting over you” and turn around VERY slowly. Gosh I just want to cry cause it’s beautifully written. JK probably scare that he’s not good enough for her?JEON JUNGKOOK you get on my nerves but I still love him.

jjiritjjiritgirl said:ohmygod the new chapter for new rules is so good ohmygod like i had to pause a lot when oc was calling jungkook out for being a coward. i wasnt the one going off but DAMN that felt good.

luxinfired said:OH SHIT I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NR UPDATE KXJABGZGQGHS Girl your writing is the best thing in the world! I love OC, she showed us her vulnerable side but then she goes and confronts Jungkook like that! That last scene was amazing, you tell them girl! Also I loved the conversation with Yoongi, I'm glad she was able to empathize with him immediately. I really want Yerin and him to find their own happiness, they deserve it~ Thank you for this wonderful piece of writing 💜

Anonymous said:jungkook a whole ass idiot

Anonymous said:Hi Lu!! U probably ddnt receive my ask from last time as well so Im writing this again! Well I just want to tell you that NR.11 WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND I'M SO SATISFIED WITH IT AND I CRIED! at first I expected OC to just yell at JK for his reaction when she confessed, thn have him tell her his story BUT SHIT SEEM SO DEEP HOLY SHIT! I feel so bad for oc and for the fact that she felt the need to say sorry? Thats kinda fucked up but I believe that's bc she was pretty shocked by his reaction[1–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Also maybe I'm not the only one hatin' on JK, but damn boi better have a GOOD excuse to why the fuck is he being a pain in the ass, I mean.. I don't wanna judge him for his choices, but thats exactly what I wanna do BYE/ but like im pretty sure that he's been acting like a jerk to 'help OC get rid of her cancerous feelings' cuz I dnt think that he sees HER as a prob-in fact, he actually rly likes her- but he just cnt seem to accept her feelings that's so absurd.. [2—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Like he was so happy to see her when he was with his team but once he remembered that he was supposed to ignore her he acted like he ddnt want to see her. And I really dnt know which part was he so embarrassed about when she came in calling him out in his own frat; was it bc she exposed his whipped ass in front of his we-dnt-do-feelings™ buddies? Or was it bc of sth else AMMA FUCKING SNAP! [3—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:And I really think that when OC told him that it's gonna be so easy to get over him now that he showed his true colors, like, I really think that it was a slap to his face. Cuz deep down, I dnt think he wants her to get over him and I know that shit will go down from here when the entire frat is mocking OC's speech, JM will know abt it, MJ might hear from him too AND HOPEFULLY SHE CAN KICK THE BULLSHIT OUT OF JK ONCE MORE! gosh Lu thank u so much for this amazing fic💕 u make my days😭[4/4]—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:holy mother of god wOW emphasis on the OW NR11 !!! Lu my god, idk how you've gotten me to love getting stabbed in the heart like this but !!! :,( thank you so much for updating and incorporating toxic masculinity and gaslighting into this chapter, they're such important issues and i just wish OC didn't have to deal with their effects. idk how long you're planning on making NR, all i hope for is that someone will treat OC right by the end *side-eyes JK, whispers "get it together, fool"*

Anonymous said:Thank you so much for yet another amazing chapter of NR!! I love how you write with so much detail about the thoughts of the OC when jk rejects her. For me, it heightens the emotions of the story so much and i love that I can feel what the OC feels - the initial embarrassment, the sadness, the anger. I also loved how the OC confronted JK and didn’t just dismiss her own emotions, acknowledging that they’re just as valid as JKs. Thank!!! You!!! :)

Anonymous said:hi lu! just wanted to day i love nr and that i appreciate the messages that you put in your writing. especially with the latest chapter, i relate so much to what nr yoongi is going through, and seeing that was a wonderful reminder that im not alone in this situation and that when you reach out, people will support you. again, thank you so much for writing and sharing these stories with us and i hope that you yourself have an amazing group of people who support and love you 💚💜

Anonymous said:I feel like waste it on me fits as bg music to the situation JK and OC are in after her confession in NR lol.. but anyways, just finished reading the latest chapter and wow. So many emotions. I'm so glad OC finally confronted JK, i love her fiery personality! Your writing really has me immersed in my own little bubble as I put myself in OC's shoes. Looking forward to the rest when the time comes, i'm curious to find out JK's backstory. Great work, Lu! 💕

Anonymous said:Ahh I just finished the update and its so heart wrenching. The emotions were so raw and realistic. And as hard as it was to read the pain the OC had to go through, I'm excited that either way things are moving in a new direction. She can't keep suppressing her feelings forever. Admitting feelings can be so difficult but afterwards its so freeing knowing that you're not holding anything back and being honest with yourself. I'm looking forward to the growth this will bring all of the characters.

Anonymous said:I just caught up to new rules and wow as someone who experienced a heartbreak that I never want to go through again THAT SHIT HURTED I felt the emotions of the o/c yelling at jungkook out of frustration and anger highkey wish I could’ve confronted the person that I had a relationship with in that manner yk to get it out of the system I think that way the healing is a faster process because you aren’t having an internal dialogue of what you could’ve said etc wow thank you for writing new rules! x

Anonymous said:I love the new NR chapter! It definitely hit home when you described how the OC felt after she got rejected. I love the end in this chapter. I love the OC's confrontation. I wish I could be a woman on a mission like her too. Yoongi's character got me namshooketh btw. I love how you added the lgbtq aspect into this fic. Everything about it is so realistic. And I love the gaslighting part in her confrontation so much! This is such a beautifully written fanfic. 😭❤

bekzzz said:You know what I really appreciate about New Rules. Mijoo and the Readers friendship. I love how they stuck together after everything. I also love how the reader is trying to reclaim her self esteem. I think calling Jungkook out was amazing for her. Also, maybe for him it will help him figure out his own feelings. Love is okay, being romantic is okay. It doesn't diminish masculinity or make someone weak. Thanks for this amazing update! Till next time.

Anonymous said:holy moly, new rules was eventful. i felt so much secondhand embarrassment when she was *rejected* by jk, and really hated nr jk for how he reacted... and then when oc, yerin and mijoo were together, and she felt like she needed to be the strong one. i really fucking felt that. it felt like a punch to the gut. but oc’s comments to jk really got me, and i have so much respect for her, yet pity her at the same time... as well as jk. thank you for the amazing update!! 😘 ly babe

Anonymous said:Dear god my heart was pounding all throughout that chapter lmao. How the heck you gotta get me so involved my body freaks out whenever you update New Rules? For real tho I feel for Yoongi- I know what it's like to have people be ready to ridicule and drop you for something you can't change about yourself, so that got me real good. I do hope that JK and MC are able to work themselves out they are by far one of the most interesting pairings I've read about thus far (praying for a happy ending)

Anonymous said:HOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! Girl, you threw me for a loop. JK's reaction was pretty close to what I thought it would be, albeit more hostile which makes me so fucking curious like BABY WHO HURT YOU?!?!?! Yoongi turning Yerin down because he's gay just wow. I had zero inclination until the second he said it and the whole conversation was just gorgeous. And that final stomp into the frat house and speech were just glorious. Thank you my love

Anonymous said:first of all i want to thank you for the new chapter, it was such a surprise since you was so busy these past months so thank you for taking some time to write. now about the new chapter... my heart was beating so fucking fast the whole time, it’s amazing how well you’re able to express the feelings of the characters and make us all (well at least me) fell connected to the story. i’ve said this before, but the most amazing thing about nr (beside the plot & characters) is how relatable it is

Anonymous said:🎃(1) OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE AND AT SOME POINTS I AM not making any sense so be prepared 😥 💜💜 I hope I don't bore you /// Ok, here we go. ( /// means another scene or change of subject and --- means same scene but next line. Also I'll use the 🎃 emoji for Halloween's sake 😊) Damn that's gonna be so long 😥 oh well. /// Akakakakak first of all, great start! It lights up the heavy mood. And tbh who wouldn't get distracted from a half naked jk. 😏 ///

Anonymous said:🎃(2)Akskfhlskfajfkf I'm smiling. My heart is clenched tho. (I'm reading the kiss scene in the beginning) /// Why do I feel him saying I like you too won't be the way our oc means. My heart is confused. --- Fuck. --- Fuuuck... ///Ok, there's no way he would look at her with disgust. Come on giiirl. Don't fall for the lies our brain tells us. ---Ok, scratch that last. WHAT THE FUCK JEON JUNGKOOK. 😬 ----I wanna hug the oc and tell her that he is afraid and stupid for acting that way.

Anonymous said:🎃(3) That she is more than what she thinks. And like wtf he might be a star athlete and a stund but wtf about not being good enough?! Askfkddskkas. fuuck. //// You are not supposed to be fucking anything. Let it ouuut. They love you and it will help.--- Ok I get the point with it not being about you. (Ahahahahaha I'm on a roller coaster, sawrryyy) ---- Oh yaaaasss, I liiive for angry oc! You go guurl! ---- Well, if he is gay that would explain a lot. --

Anonymous said:🎃(4) ---"Trust me when I say that it would be entirely impossible with me" bruh. He is gay. --- Oh shit, he is gay...... 😶 ---- Now I'm sad. Ahahah and now I wanna hug him too . And I love the oc for being a good friend and I love that he reminds me of one of my closest friends being a tsundere.😢 /// Way to go yoongles, woop woop!! that sonofabiish. 🌚🌚---Wow when yoongi relaxed I realised I was holding my breath. Wtf ahahaha

Anonymous said:🎃(5) /// Aish. I'm getting angry at jk and angry at the oc for taking his bullshit and not being angry ahahah. ----- WHAT THE FUCK JEON KUNGKOOK WHY YOU BEING SO "TOUGH" AND "MANLY" YOU FUCKIN FUCKER 👿 (about him smiling at first and then being fake macho) ----- My eyes grew when you wrote she headed to jk frathouse 👀 --- I'm crossing my fingers for a buttkicking session, sth like mijoo did to the oc. Maybe a power point presentation of why he likes her too. Ahahah ---

Anonymous said:Ooo girl I am FIRED UP. You write so well that I can always fell the emotions OC feels. I was sad and hurt, shocked, and really mad. JK is such an asshole for making OC feel like her feelings weren't valid. He really does need to grow up. Good on OC for realizing that. And I don't know why he's putting up such a front when he's been such a good person thus far but BITCH IT BEST BE A GOOD REASON. So I'm assuming yerin has got the bad ending? Bc she doesn't know about yoongi being gay n shes hurt?

Anonymous said:(1/3🧟‍♂️) New Rules is probably my favorite non-published work that I’ve ever read and I really just want to thank you for being willing to share your writing with us! So, I feel like a lot went down in this chapter. I saw another anon say they thought Jk’s issues stemmed from a previous relationship. The girl probably made him feel like relationships in general are toxic, and as a result he’s completely unwilling to put himself in that kind of vulnerable position again? (1/3)

Anonymous said:(2/3🧟‍♂️) Similar to how the oc is feeling about being rejected, like she was stupid to let herself feel something for him, that’s why I think her barging in and calling him out in front of his friends got to him. (2/3)

Anonymous said:(3/3🧟‍♂️) All in all though, this chapter was really well written (like they all are lol) and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciate all the work you put into your writings bc they’ve really inspired me to educate myself on feminism and just a lot of things in general I’d never thought about before. Thanks again, Lu! I hope you have a wonderful week 💜💜 (3/3)

Anonymous said:wow lu, thank you for the newest nr update! my thoughts on my first reading: jungkook's reaction was shocking for the emotional side of me, not the logical side. I still feel for oc tho. yoongi being gay? didnt expect that & now I feel bad for assuming his sexuality, glad he talked to OC abt it bc it must have been hard to hold that secret. oc calling out jungkook? shes much braver than me, & I agree, jk's actions seem off. will reread & send reactions after, again thank you for writing/sharing!

There is literally nothing i love more than reading your thoughts and reactions!!! i have no idea how my writing will affect others, so to hear this is the most rewarding thing ever. thank you so much my lovely, passionate readers. You mean the world to me!!!

[uniformbravo]

i have too many thoughts bouncing around in my head so uhhhh im gonna talk abt shit

welcome 2 episode 43647 of my shitty slice-of-life text post series

school tomorrow i dont wanna go!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! depressions been hitting me tf up like some kind of MotherFucker n im so tired i h8 both of my classes i just want 2 lie down & turn into the floor -______________-

read 12 chapters of fma yesterday its good............. i dont love it yet but im definitely entertained so far & looking forward to getting further into it

also started reading silver spoon & it turns out the things i hated in the 1st ep of the anime didnt even happen in the manga who fuckin knew (im sorry i doubted u arakawa) so im actually enjoying the series a lot more this second time around! though that’s probably partly because i got rly attached to the protag halfway through s2 & now i get to dig out all the little signs of his low sense of self-worth on the reread so like. im having fun lol (watching him react to being told about livestock being offed for under-performing just the smallest bit again is..... so good.......)

watched all of aggretsuko today, like the original 100 shorts & the new series, it was p good! i honestly never planned to watch it bc like. i hate death metal / screaming bc it gives me anxiety & i knew this show would aggravate that but idk i heard good things about it from literally everywhere so i was like w/e im in the mood today i’ll just try it out & i blasted through it and enjoyed it v much

i think i like the shorts better than the show but that might be bc i watched the shorts first & got used to their rhythm? but at the same time i feel like the concept generally works better as little 1-minute tidbits. the show is a bit awkward sometimes in comparison but it’s a v good adaption regardless. it was interesting to see the concept executed 2 different ways at least. v fun show!

mmmmm still working on my silan portrait kind of!! i took a break for 2 days because 1. depression and 2. i was a fucking fool and played a Lot of piano on thursday so that put me out of physical commission for 2 days (honestly i was still feeling it today but i rly wanted to get back to work before it started to fade into yet another unfinished project). so yeah i got back to work on it today, and made some decent progress i think!

i mentioned in my other post that im working in clip studio paint, a program im not used to painting in, and i’ve definitely been struggling trying to get used to all these weird brushes but i think im slowly coming to an understanding and finding a technique that works for me? there’s an “oil paint” brush that’s good for blending & previously i was trying to use only that, since in photoshop i never switched to other brushes, i only used the one (hard round). the oil paint brush being a blending brush though, it’s basically impossible to lay down any new color on top of the old ones because the new color automatically blends with the old ones instead of coming out pure, so as a result all of my shading was coming out super soft and light which is not the effect i’m going for

so i found that using a different brush to lay down color first and then going in with the oil to blend made a huge difference & i was finally able to get in the darker shadows i wanted, but there was still the problem of details because like. the oil brush blends rly soft and it makes everything look kind of fuzzy, and it’s especially hard to deal with small areas for details

so today i started experimenting with a “watercolor” brush, which is basically just a normal brush with low opacity, and i’ve found it’s a good kind of middle ground between blending and carving in details, so that gave me a lot more control and is probably the closest i’ve gotten to my old painting style when i was working in photoshop

this whole process has just been rly confusing & im sure there are easier ways to go about this but i know i’ll get the hang of it eventually & get some good use out of this program, & it’s good to experiment with new tools i guess so?? it’s all good?? i’ll be honest im getting tired & this topic is kind of getting away from me uhhhh in conclusion im still working on the thing & i dont know when i’ll be done but i’m gonna fuckin. Keep at it

back to aggretsuko for a sec, something i rly noticed was the ost is?? really good????? i wanted to listen to it while i drew but i couldnt find it on yt & that’s like the extent of my music search capabilities on the internet so im p sad abt that bc that was like my fave part of the show rip

instead i listened to houseki no kuni’s ost which is fuckin beautiful ugh i finished that show a few weeks ago & it was very very gorgeous, like. weird and disjointed and a little tangential but fuck if it’s not put together in such an artful way that i can forgive all of that like what a way to create an atmosphere what a way to adapt a fuckin manga?? i tried reading the manga a bit bc lets be honest that anime ending was super unsatisfying but it just?? wasnt the same??? theres something abt the show being a 3d show and having the music to accompany its visuals & the way they did the lunarians especially holy fuck, it’s a completely different experience watching the show vs reading the manga & now im sad bc i want a s2 rly rly bad,,,;;;

anyway i didnt mean to talk abt hnk so much lol uh. i ended up listening to the op a thousand times bc god when i say the music for this show is rly good i mean it, both the op & ed are fuckin great (speaking of the ed that gorgeous animation holy shit,) along with its super atmospheric bgm just. god

as a reward for anyone who read through all this shit lmao here listen to hnk’s op it’s super good i promise

also watch the ed lmfao trust me it was a gift benevolently bestowed upon my eyeballs and now so too shall it be upon thine

anyway im fuckin tired & i think that’s all i wanted to say so like. peace