#was some white county dude to sing it

[ladylightning]

i hate hate HATE the luke combs cover of fast car. tracy chapman created a perfect song. we do not need any further input.

[1lostsoul0fishbowl]

Random Gareth headcanons because why not

He can speak Welsh (because I googled “what kind of name is Gareth” and discovered that both Gareth and Gwydion are Welsh names, and kids in small white midwestern towns in the 80s did not typically get “ethnic” names, it would’ve been Garrett or Gary fersure so I decided solely based on that that his family is hardcore Welsh)

He has occasionally convinced bullies that he actually put a hex on them, by telling them “have a nice day” or “don’t forget your lunch money” in Welsh. None of them have ever caught on.

He likes weird food. Dude puts peanut butter on strawberry pop-tarts. He steals his grandpa’s Necco wafers and sneakily eats them in class. Every year he tries the weirdest fried-on-a-stick food the county fair is selling.

Also if anyone dares him to try a weird food combination he will, without hesitation. Even though a few times he’s had to run away and get sick afterward he still can’t resist a weird food dare.

His dad listens to opera, and he makes up his own random words and sings along. He can hit most of the high notes too.

He never quite fit in with any group at school until he got to high school and met Eddie. A couple years later when Eddie met Dustin, Mike, and Lucas, Gareth was ridiculously jealous of them until he realized that Eddie wasn’t going to drop him just because he had some new sheepies to look after.

When he first started hanging out with Eddie, he copied everything about him (which Jeff and Grant found hilarious, and still good-naturedly tease him about).

He’s definitely the weirdo of Corroded Coffin. Not in a bad way, he’s just… weird, sometimes. Like he’ll turn to Grant out of nowhere and say something like “Nights in White Satin sounds like a love song that has a stomach ache” or he’ll tell Jeff “you smell all fluffy and purple today” and then just go about his business like he didn’t just drop some absolute nonsense that left his friends completely bewildered.

[lokislastlove]

Come One, Come All (dark!Loki x reader)

Summary: A girls night out to the fair takes an insidious turn.

Warnings: Noncon/Rape, knife play, oral (m&f), smut, bondage, kidnapping.

This is a dark fic! 18+ ONLY! Explicit Adult content. Please READ THE WARNINGS! Do not continue if these matters upset you!

Authors Note: I wrote another one! No idea where this came from, but it was fun to write. Still working on improving my smut, huge thanks to @darkficsyouneveraskedfor for some tips and editing the shit out of it. 😘 also I know there is a creepy clown in the pic but I feel like I have to say there aren’t any clowns in the fic. I hate clowns.

Chapter 1:

It was the kind of summer night you dream about, warm enough to keep you comfortable in your shorts and peasant top, but with a light breeze that keeps you cool enough to fight the flush of alcohol in your veins. You look forward to these moments when you are able to go out with your girlfriends and let loose, forgetting about all life’s responsibilities, if just for a single night.

“Come on!” Ash calls over her shoulder, her hand tight around your wrist pulling you impatiently.

“Aww but that looks so good” you groan as you press your face longingly against the glass barrier of the hand dipped corn dog cart.

The sweet scent of the frying corn dough wafts tantalizingly through the air making your mouth water. You friends laugh at your theatrics, having just helped you scarf down a large sugary funnel cake and a platter of nachos, the evidence of which still stains the corner of your mouth. Really, it was their fault for getting you tipsy before taking you to the county fair, everything just smelled heavenly and if you could you would try one of everything.

“Just a slushee?!” You beg as Jen steps behind you and pushes you out of the food court, giggling the entire time.

“Come on, fight the drunchies! You promised you would try that new funhouse,” Jen whines, looping her arm through yours, Ash doing the same on the other side.

“Oh yeah,” you grumble.

“Oh stop it” Ash scolds playfully. “Everyone at work keeps talking about it - it’s like a mini escape room! And I’ve always wanted to do one, please.” She rants excitedly before giving you her best puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh that’s cheating. No one can resist those big brown eyes” you pout, but yield as easily as they knew you would.

“I know” Ash smirks, tossing back her long silky black hair over her slender shoulder.

“This is gonna be so much fun, I promise” Jen bumps your hip, giving you a wide encouraging smile.

You manage a strained grin as you let them lead you through the crowd. It’s not that you don’t like funhouses or the idea of doing an escape room, having always loved solving riddles and doing puzzles. It’s just you don’t like clowns, and every funhouse in your experience has at least one.

“Oh damn there’s a line!” Jen moans as you all stop in front of a large structure covered in flashing lights, the ominous ‘Tricksters Trap’ bathing your face in a violent red glow.

Garish contrasting colors somehow both attract your eye and make it hard to look at. Your pupils dilate with the lines of fluorescent bulbs burning into your retinas. The stereotypical circus music blares through the cheap speakers, reminding you of one of those old Jack in the box toys. And of course, without fail, was the obligatory clown statue hanging over the entrance, like some creepy sentinel there to guide you to your inevitable demise.

“Ugh fucking clowns” you grimace as you pass by the entrance, heading toward the end of the line.

“Yeah they definitely nailed the creep factor,” Jen agrees, her eyes shining with nervous excitement.

“I know isn’t it great?!” Ash squeals.

You stand there taking in the horrific detailing painted on the side of the metal structure. You are thankful when Ash explains there is a time limit, only ten minutes to complete the puzzle or else they kick you out and you have to try again. If you figure out the puzzle you get to leave through the mirror maze and you earn the coveted “I tricked the Trickster” sticker.

“Gotta get that sticker, or else that bitch Katie at work will never let me forget that she got one and I didn’t” Ash complains, causing you and Jen to share a look and snicker.

“Hey! Don’t laugh, this is serious! We gotta be smart and figure this out, failure is not an option” she urges dramatically before collapsing into drunken giggles with you and Jen.

“You ladies seem eager to prove yourselves,” slithers a low voice.

Startled you gasp and spin around quickly. The three of you look up at the tall lean figure standing behind you. He wears a perfectly tailored black ensemble, that matches the color of his slicked back hair. His eyes practically glow green against his alabaster complexion. His sharp cheekbones and angular jaw make your breath hitch, causing his thin lips to curve into a sinister smirk. He is stunning.

“Um, yeah. Well this place has the whole town buzzin’. Seems like everyone is talking about it” Jen is the first to speak.

“Ah I see. Wouldn’t want to miss your chance to take a stab at it” the mysterious man surmised, eyes focused on you.

“We got this shit. Right guys?” Ash assures him as she playfully smacks you and Jen.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out. Good luck,” he challenges with a raise of a brow.

You stare after him as he saunters away without another word. His hips and shoulders sway smoothly, his soft footsteps giving him a dangerous almost feline vibe, like he could rival even the most deadly of predators. As he turns to round the corner of the ride he takes one last look over his shoulder at you. Your eyes lock for only a fraction of a second but it’s enough to send a chill down your spine.

“That was weird, right?” You mutter, eyes still transfixed where he disappeared.

“Eh, just another creepy dude. If I had a nickel for every weirdo who tries to chat me up…” Jen jokes.

“You’d have like a whole 50 cents,” sasses Ash.

You are finally broken from your daze when Ash is pushed into you. You laugh and try to brush off the lingering effect of the handsome stranger, shifting your focus back to your friends. The line goes by quicker than expected, with only one group out of the three ahead of you making it out with stickers. The losing groups return to the line from a back door, bickering about where they went wrong.

Finally it is your turn. Ash claps her hands excitedly, dancing up the metal stairs to the costumed man at the entrance. His red and white stripped suit is expertly torn and painted with fake blood to make him look as intimidating as possible. With a tip of his top hat he welcomes the three of you and begins to explain the rules in his well practiced accent.

“Come one come all to the Tricksters Trap, if you’re feeling lost, just go find the map.” He sings with flair and a perfectly timed bow, directing you to the inauspicious black door.

Taking a deep breath you follow your squealing friends into the darkened hallway. Pausing to look back as the door creaks shut, cutting off the jovial sounds of laughter and chatter with a sudden slam. You flinch at the loud noise and turn back to the dim hallway. The short corridor is lined with wall to wall green velvet curtains barely visible with the green rope lights running along the ceiling.

“Guys?” You whisper when you don’t see them next to you, causing your heart rate to quicken

You call for them again, this time louder, your feet unwilling to move from the spot. It has only been thirty seconds and you are already about to call it quits. Get a grip. You take a hesitant step forward.

“You guys?!” You call shakily.

“Hey! Come on we found the map!” Jen pokes her head from around the corner at the end of the hall.

She disappears just as quickly, waving her arm for you to follow. You breathe a sigh of relief and rush after her. You enter a large room filled with all sorts of random objects. It’s as if it is designed to overload your senses. The green from the hall carried on into the room, more velvet green curtains hung on the walls that were not obstructed by shelves of books or other oddities. You saw everything from perfectly aligned glass jars filled with alien looking creatures, grandfather clocks, to treasure chests overflowing with grizzled toys.

Jen and Ash are hunched over a table with a map spread out smoothly. It was easy enough to see it was a map of the room and hallway, with what appeared to be three small rooms hidden along the wall behind the heavy green drapery. You go over and pull back a curtain and find a locked door, the other two also hiding a locked door.

“Ok so it looks like we gotta find a way to open these doors” you offer, your anxiety calming a bit as you focus on the mystery at hand.

“Hey look there is some sort of code over here by the lock on the door.” Ash hollers excitedly.

You each pick a door code and frantically search the room. It doesn’t take long for you to figure out you need to use the books on the large shelf along one wall. The first number tells you the book the second refers to a specific page. You find a slip of paper in the book with a riddle written in a blood red ink.

“I make two people out of one” You read aloud.

“You can hold me in one hand, but I’m used to fill the room” Ash reads hers, her face twisting in concentration.

You both look to Jen, “I have two hands, but I can’t clap.”

“Damn no wonder so many people failed, definitely wish I wasn’t drunk right now” Ash laughs.

“No no we can do this, it’s probably items in the room so let’s just focus. We’ll do one at a time.” You assert, pacing the room and trying to take in all the random objects.

“Two hands…” you mutter as you stop in front of a large grandfather clock. “Clocks have hands!” You yell excitedly and open the narrow door.

The heavy pendulums swing inside and you see a shining silver glint off the rounded golden end. You pull off the small silver key, stuck on by a tiny magnet, and jump in excitement.

“Holy crap! You’re a genius!” Jen exclaims running over to take the key and try it in the door.

The key slides in smoothly and the door opens with a gratifying click.

“Woo! Keep going, you are on a roll!” Ash claps as she cheers you on.

“Ok, ok” you giggle before taking a deep breath. “Two people out of one… maybe a camera? Or wait…” you realize as you stare at Ash currently checking her makeup in an antique mirror hung between two curtains.

“Ash! Try pulling on that mirror!” You yell pointing frantically at the mirror in front of her.

Her brows knit together briefly before understanding, grabbing the frame and tugging gently until it swings open, revealing a key hung on the wall.

“Yes!” You all shriek together.

Suddenly, the lights flicker and a loud maniacal cackle reverberates through the surround sound speaker, turning your elation into yelps of surprise.

“Two minutes left” a familiar polished voice echoes forebodingly throughout the room.

“Shit, that scared the crap out of me” Jen laughs clutching at her chest.

The warning gives you pause, managing to shift the spirit of the whole room. Ash giggles nervously as she watches the lights of the room transition from their previous dim yellow light to a menacing red hue. The mood lighting in addition to the increasing volume of the horror soundtrack playing over the speaker helps to put you back into your initial anxious state.

“Seriously? Is this fucking necessary?” You curse, shaking your head.

“Ok let’s get the last one guys! We can still do this!” Jen yells through the cacophony of sound effects.

“Yeah what can we fit in our hand but somehow also fills the room?” Ash reiterated the final riddle.

“These red lights make it so much harder to see” Jen complains bitterly as she rummages through the items inside a large chest.

“Lights… Jen that’s it! A lightbulb!” A smile breaks out on your face as you figure out the final clue.

“Look up there!” Ash points to a solitary darkened light bulb screwed into the ceiling.

“I got it.” Jen jumps onto the table and reaches up, unscrewing it quickly. “There is a key inside!” She shouts.

She unscrews the bottom of the fake lightbulb and received the key before handing it to Ash. Each of you run over to the corresponding doors and turn the key, squealing in delight when they all slide open.

“Is that it?” Jen asks looking into the cramped dark space behind the door.

It was little more than a closet. Barely enough room for each of you to stand in. You were at a loss. You could have sworn that would be the end.

“Guys there is a lever here on the back wall of mine, how about yours?” Ash’s muffled voice calls from inside her closet.

“Oh yeah mine too!” Jen replies.

“Do you think we have to pull them at the same time? ‘Cus mine did nothing when I tried it” Ash says poking her head out to look at you.

“Thirty seconds!” That haunting voice booms again as a tick clock sounds through the speakers, counting down your final moments.

“Ok let’s try it together!” You nod at both of them, before stepping into the tight dark space.

“THREE! TWO! ONE!” You shout, mirroring your friends calls, pulling down your lever with a snap.

There is a moment of silence as the lights of the room behind you suddenly go dark, the music and sound effects cutting off instantly.

“Did we get it?!” You yell.

You don’t get the chance to hear your friends response as the wood door slams behind you, locking you into the small space.

Tags: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @caffiend-queen

[eremiie]

charm I was stalking your Spotify and I must say you’ve got some sexy music taste girly 🤨 now I want to know what artists/music type the aot characters have

aot characters music taste

oooof this might not be accurate bc this is gonna be based off the artists i’ve listened to, but here we go

eren listens to fucking everythinggg, his music taste really wasn’t diverse at all in middle school but once he got to highschool ole dude was listening to everything from r&b to indie musicc, throw some metal in there, all of that. honorable artist mentions; the nbhd, chase atlantic, the weeknd, and j. cole

levi doesn’t listen to music much but when he does i think it’s more like beats opposed to lyrical music?? also he’s a radio person, he’ll find a tolerable station when he’s in the car and tune it for as long as he can bare, no honorable mentions from me :/

jean also has a diverse music taste, quite similar to eren’s... i’d say he listens to like popular music, pop, indie, r&b, shiiit if he likes it it’ll go in his playlist. honorable mentions; doja cat. jean listens to doja and acts like he doens’t know the lyrics when he’s around “the boys”, arctic monkeys, sonder, kendrick lamar

armin listens to a lot of calming stuff. i see him listening to lofi beats more often than not because it helps him focus and relaxes him. like you walk into his apartment and lofi is playing on his speaker. i see him listening to a lot of indie music, lots of singers and like,,, pop. throw in some classical music and a few musical songs and boom. armin. honorable mentions; pheobe bridgers, the steven universe soundtrack, rex orange county, dodie, and vacations

connie listens to a lot of rap, hip hop, r&b, trap music, pop, i mean if he can fuck up a verse he’s onnn itttt, he also knows a lot of old songs, like i mean catch him singing michael jackson at 3am or fucking kesha. honorable mentions; comethazine, cdot honcho, playboi carti, lil uzi vert, and i can see him listening to willow smith too for some reason, anddd eyedress

reiner listens to um.... LMFAOOO IDK??? guitar music idfk, he listens to whatever you put on and he always asks you to plug up to the aux sooo he doesn’t really have his own music taste. he barely listens to music he just bops his head to whatever is playing and says it’s good.

porco uhhhh, what do greasers listen to? jk jk, he listens to a lot of old tunes, ummm some metal, umm, I DONT KNOW!!!! i do have a strong belief this man can belt out more than enough megan thee songs though. not sure why.

colt listens to baby music for falco, he hums them more often than not because they’re stuck in his head. /hj

z*ke listens to country music and fucking... boyfriend bdsm audios in the car. (can you tell i don’t know what to put for the warriors <3)

mikasa listens to mitski <333. it’s her staple, she takes a lot of her taste after armin, some SZA here and there, clairo, she just really likes finding nice new music you know? that is when she listens to music, she’ll be listening with armin and add songs she likes here and there

sasha listens to like a lot of shit omg, lots of pop music, she listens to musicals, country music from when she used to live on the farm, k-pop and j-pop, ethnic music here and there, and even some dubstep lmao, honorable mentions; mother mother, she used to watch pink guy’s videos so ofc she listens to joji now, BTS, and paramore

hange listens to like everything too. she’s a nuisance with her music if you ask levi. anyway, take every artist and music genre i previously mentioned and paste it here. that’s hange’s music taste. fucking everything, if she likes the way it sounds in her ear it’s going in her playlist.

historia listens to um... a lot of pop music <3. taylor swift, ariana grande, lana del rey, adele and stuff— you go hisu!!

hitch listens to whatever makes her feel good, which happens to be artists like nicki minaj, ariana grande, doja cat, fucking FLO MILLI!!! kali uchis, ari lennox, i mean

annie listens to ??? i don’t know. she’s another person who just listens to whatever is on and other than that she doesn’t listen to much

pieck’s music taste kind of reminds me of min’s too, some lofi beats but usually when she’s studying, some jazz, she listens to white noise like rain, artists like vacations, current joys, mitski, etc.

yelena... don’t even ask me<3.

[wherethewordsare]

#44. Im your new neighbor and git locked out, help. With uhhhhh tiktoker jask who likes to sing in the stairwells 👀 bonus points if they become boyfriends loooool

thanks for the ask Cheese!!! I hope you enjoy!! <3

I also want to thank @buttercupbard for being a really amazing sport about me borrowing their handle for the tik tok bits!!! I’ve sent some weird dms in my life but honestly, that was the oddest CYA i’ve ever done. I’m super glad it worked out though!!! Thank you again so much, Buttercup! 

44. I’m your new neighbor and I got locked out, help!

The first time he heard it, Geralt had been taking his laundry down to the bottom floor because the units on his level were full. It was only for a moment, but who ever it was who was singing scurried away before he had a chance to make out the song they were singing. 

The second time, he had passed the door to the stairwell on his way to grab his mail. This time though he was careful as he pushed the door open as gently as he could. The lyrics to Blackbird resonated in the concrete and steel and it made Geralt want to call home. It was a song he remembered his father singing at the kitchen sink while doing clean up in the evening or working in the garage on weekends. 

Geralt tried not to be a creep about it, but it was quickly becoming a habit that was hard to break, sneaking into the side stairwell and listening to one of his neighbors sing. It felt somewhere between a terrible invasion of privacy and a private concert. 

There were songs that made him ache with nostalgia, where he ended up calling his dad after or texting his brothers. There were songs that made him want to go work out and go get something accomplished. And then there were those songs that made him want to climb the stairs and face that voice and take them into his arms because he sounded so lonely. Geralt usually slipped back out when those feelings started to creep in. 

Omg, Geralt, you have to see this dude! He’s insane!

Eskel sent him a link to a tik tok. It took a moment but after it loaded, Geralt nearly threw his phone across the room as if it had burned him. The only thing that stopped him were the blue eyes and brilliant smile that looked back at him. 

@buttercupbard 

I think my fan is back on the lower floor. Hope he enjoys today’s #lavieenrose 🙌🎶🌹🌹

Oh... Oh no! No no no, this could not be happening. Geralt watched, listening to the same rendition of La Vie en Rose he had heard the day before. Geralt knew only just enough about tik tok to know that the 500k under the little heart and the fact that he knew that this Buttercup Bard had only sung that song yesterday, he could deduce the facts in front of him. One, the singer knew Geralt snuck in to listen, and two, so did his probably thousands of fans.

Geralt clicked the little chat button on the side, pulling up the comments. 

“You should go say hello!”

@buttercupbard: Oh no, I don’t know if they’d like that, otherwise they would have come up to say hello by now! 

“Wouldn’t it be sweet if they found your tik toks?”

@buttercupbard: 👀👀🙈🙈🙈 Think they’d give me a review? Three words or less!

He wanted to scream. He wanted to run. He wanted to walk up those stairs and be able to drink in the full view of this Buttercup Bard as he sang knowingly to an audience of one. He wanted the earth to crack open at his feet and swallow him whole. 

He went back to the video and pulled open Buttercup’s account, scrolling through what seemed like a lot of videos for just a few weeks. He found the one labeled Blackbird and gave it a listen. The caption simply said “This might be the last time I can sing here, someone came in again.” 

Geralt frowned as he paused the video, looking down at those bright blue eyes that kept flitting away from the camera to make sure no one was coming. Geralt remembered standing at the bottom of the stairwell, leaning against the cold concrete with eyes closed. It had been peaceful but now it felt as though Geralt had just been encroaching. He couldn’t go back, not now. What would he say if Buttercup came down. 

He also had to stop calling him Buttercup, but he had no other name for him. Geralt stopped going to the stairwell and he did his best to not pull up tik tok once in a while just to get his fix. He was doing fine, at least for a little while.

It was about three weeks later when Geralt finally broke down and opened the app he had downloaded just to watch Buttercup sing. That’s when he noticed the little pink ring around his icon. 

Buttercup was live right now. Geralt’s feet moved under him without his noticing, walking him to the door. His hand was on the handle as he watched, his whole attention on the screen in his hand. 

“I don’t know what happened to them. I guess I wasn’t meant for that kind of cheesy romance story after all!” Buttercup laughed and it sounded like a melody all in itself. Comments rocketed passed and Jaskier chuckled, ducking his head. “Well, you never know, I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Do you guys want to hear another song? I was thinking some Presley if you guys-” More comments poured in and Buttercup beamed. 

That’s when Geralt heard his door shut behind him. Locked. Fuck. 

He dropped out of the live stream and texted Eskel who took a few minutes but finally shot back that he was stuck at work and on the other side of the county. Geralt was going to have to find something to do until he could run over with the spare. 

Fuck. 

He couldn’t well stand in the hall barefooted. He looked down at his phone and sighed. There was only one thing to do. 

----

“Like a river flows, surely to the see, Darlin-” Jaskier gave his camera a wink, chuckling through the lines but below the door opened. 

“Uh, excuse me, Mr. Bard?” a voice came up, low and uncertain. 

Jaskier gasped, looking in the camera as the chat exploded. He put a hand over his mouth and winced.  

“Hello?” Jaskier dropped his head into his hand biting the inside of his lip. When he heard footsteps on the stairs he looked back at his phone and mouthed ‘Got to go’ and blew a kiss. Hopefully it didn’t lose him followers. 

Suddenly the follower count didn’t matter. When Jaskier looked up he was greeted by a wall of a man, his white hair pulled back and the most startling hazel eyes. His bare feet wriggled on the linoleum. 

“I hate to be a bother, and I know you were in the middle of something,” the man suddenly looked like he wanted to bolt. 

“You’re the one who was listening down a few flights,” Jaskier couldn’t help the grin that was breaking out on his face. His followers were going to flip. 

“Ah shit, sorry about that I feel like… I should go.” The man turned away from Jaskier and started to make his way back down the steps. 

“Wait. Wait, no. Don’t go. Stay, please. Why aren’t you wearing shoes?” His damn mouth got ahead of him. 

“I’m locked out of my apartment,” he stood there, looking up through the rail, frowning. 

“I… Jaskier.”

“What?” 

“My name. It’s Jaskier. Mr. Bard was my father,” he smirked, taking a step down. “Would you like to wait at my place until someone comes to your rescue? I have carpeting and coffee?” 

The other man laughed, leaning to press his forehead against the rail for a second before looking up. “It would be appreciated. I’m Geralt from 2C.” 

Jaskier tilted his head and smiled. “Well while we wait, Geralt of 2C, you can finally give me a review of my singing.”

“Hmm,” Geralt let himself be led up the rest of the stairs, “Am I restricted to three words or less?” 

Jaskier flushed and snorted. And to think he nearly made a habit of doing his videos in this bathroom.

---

You can drop me a prompt from this list here!!

Tag list as it stands now <3: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @elliestormfound @artistsfuneral @thetinymm @fontegagrilledcheese @anythinggoesfandoms @electricrituals 

[randomvarious]

Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys - “Jake’s Barber Shop” Pushing the Norton: The Ace Cafe Compilation Song released in 1993. Compilation released in 1994. Rockabilly Revival / Swing Revival

Folks, we're once again going back to the 90s, and now that we're back in the 90s, we're actually going back to the 50s. Zoomers probably don't know about this, but remember when Americans in the 90s pined hard for those swingin' 50s? That was kinda weird, right? Swing revival became kind of a big thing thanks to bands like Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, the Cherry Poppin' Daddies, and the Brian Setzer Orchestra, the movie Swingers was pretty popular, Chandler Bing was wearing fashionable bowling shirts, Grease was re-released in theaters, Nick at Nite was kicking off its programming block with Happy Days...there was just a steady current of 50s mania going on. I can't really say for certain what drove it (a return to conservatism by way of Newt Gingrich's Contract for America maybe had something to do with it?), but it was definitely there. Some segment of society just really seemed to want to go back to times that they remembered as being much "simpler" and more idyllic, but we all know that they really weren't all that simple or ideal.

But that 50s music revival scene that started to really come about in the early 90s didn't just pop up out of nowhere. It was actually driven by an 80s neo-rockabilly scene, which was led by a band called the Stray Cats, who were fronted by the above-mentioned Brian Setzer, and who put out an enormous hit in 1981 called "Rock This Town." And that neo-rockabilly scene doesn't get remembered all that much, but just like there were metal dudes in the 80s who wore denim jackets with cutoff sleeves, there were also rockabilly cats in the 80s who ran grease through their pompadoured haircuts and made sure to have a toothpick jutting out of their maws at virtually all times while rocking black leather jackets over plain white tees and blue jeans.

Such was the case of Jake Bricks, a young twenty-something who came to own a barbershop in Orange County, California in the early 90s. Bricks, who was a rockabilly throughout the 80s, was not someone who ended up merely treating it as a phase like most other 80s rockabillies did. Instead, despite having not been alive at any point during the 1950s, Bricks doubled himself all the way down. He applied his adopted rockabilly way of life to his own business, choosing to only give rockabilly haircuts to men for 8 bucks a pop, only allowing the sounds of rockabilly, western swing, and the like to emanate from his jukebox's speakers, and adorning the walls with 50s imagery, like posters of pinup girls. And he ended up carving out a nice, little niche for himself, with a steady, local clientele as well as rockabillies from all around the world who'd heard about his little shop.

And, as you probably could've guessed by now, there was even a song that was made about that barbershop. Lest you think the swing and rockabilly revival band of Big Sandy and His Fly-Rite Boys were waxing nostalgic about some rockabilly barbershop from the 50s, they weren't. Interestingly enough, this band that wanted to musically revive the 50s was singing about a guy who wanted to revive 50s mens' hairstyles, and they were from the OC area, too. 

I think what I find most striking about this swing and rockabilly revival era is that with that pining for a "simpler" time also came what seemed to be a pining for just simpler music. And along with that want for simplicity was also just a desire for music that was happy, too. You really couldn't make a song about a guy who dances to his favorite records while cutting peoples' hair in any other genre in the 90s but this one. And it might be a little reductive to say the following, but with things like grunge and gangsta rap doing a lot of dominating in the early 90s, it would make sense that some gen Xers would feel alienated by that stuff and choose to go off and do their own thing. And it wasn't a total cause-and-effect thing; the rockabilly and swing revival stuff started before the early 90s, but its rapid growth in popularity may have been driven by people who'd grown disillusioned by the MTV and radio that they'd once grown up on. Just a thought there.

I don’t really like the 90s rockabilly and swing revival stuff that much, but I still find the whole thing pretty fascinating.

[westcoastrry]

Tracing The Stars Chapter 2

Blair's POV

I wasn't originally planning on going to Gabe's party. I stopped partying ever since my break up with Justin just before summer started. I needed a break from my old lifestyle. So much happened junior year, and the last thing I wanted to do was party, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I would be with Harry, and we have been acquaintances for quite a while. We used to run in the same circles and always found ourselves at the same parties and smoke sessions.

Before heading off, I told my Dad I was going to Gabe's party while Harry was in the showers. He was very much wary about it at first, given everything that happened Junior year, but when I told him I was going with Harry, he was completely fine with it.

Harry was a stand-up guy, and everyone in  Eastwood knew it. Both his parents were lawyers, so he was loaded. Before his accident, he was on his way to being the number one soccer player in the county, and he was the most attractive guy in our school, which meant a string of girls ready to bow down at his feet. You would think all of this would completely go to his head, but it didn't. I had never heard a bad thing about the guy. He had also been playing varsity soccer on my Dad's team since freshman year, and I wasn't lying when I told him he was my Dad's favorite. When Harry had his accident, my Dad was with him every step of the way to make sure he could have the best chance at a full recovery.

"I trust Harry Blair, but please call me if you need anything, and I mean anything." My dad says, handing me my coat.

"I will, Dad. I promise."

"Be safe, bub." My dad says, pulling me in for a hug and planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I make my way to Harry, who was leaned up against his car with his eyes glued to his phone. He was freshly out of the shower with damp hair, black skinny jeans, and a simple white shirt. He has changed quite a bit since summer. He seemed a little more buffer, probably because of all the physical therapy he is doing for soccer. His hair has also grown much longer.

"Ready?" I ask, walking over to the passenger seat.

"Your chariot awaits Miss Parker.”

+++

The ride was fairly short, considering Gabe's house was only about a ten-minute ride from the school.

Harry and I made small talk during the ride with soft music playing in the background. He asked me what I've been up to this summer. I told him not much, just finishing the last of my testing and touring colleges.

He asked me what I wanted to do in college, and I told him I wanted to study music.

"Since when were you a singer Miss Parker?" he asks jokingly.

None of my friends knew about my singing. It was something I kept to myself.

"It's my hidden talent Mr. Styles," I say back sarcastically, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

We also talked about our post highschool plans. I told him I wanted to go to NYU, and he told me he wasn't sure yet. Harry used to have lots of scouts waiting to snatch him up for their school, but the scouts disappeared after his incident. Harry was right behind me for the top academic spot at Eastwood High, so even if he didn't have soccer to get him into school, he always had his impressive grades.

All eyes were on Harry and I when we walked in together. People were probably going to think we are fucking, but it is senior year, and I could give a damn what other people had to say about me at this point.

Gabe throwing a party is nothing new, but this party was special because we were seniors, and this would be the last "It's a new school year here is an excuse to get drunk" party that Gabe could throw.

"Oh wow, Styles! You brought the woman of the hour with you." Gabe throws a whistle and winks at me, and I can't help but blush at his actions.

I knew Gabe meant no harm with his innocent flirting. He did this with everyone, and it was his personality. Gabe was just like Harry; he could never harm a fly.

"Blair, I haven't seen you all summer. If I must say so myself, you look beautiful."

"Thanks, Gabe. I've missed you," I respond genuinely.

"Harold, where have you been! I thought you were gonna skip out on my annual bonfire."

Harry pulls Gabe in for a hug before responding. "Sorry, dude, I was at the field. Needed to get some practice in before tryouts tomorrow."

"He has nothing to worry about, though," I interject quickly. "He is getting back to his old self."

"Good. You got to get your number one spot back." Gabe says, handing Harry and I a beer.

"Nah, I'm driving, man," Harry says, declining the drink.

I also decline mine, knowing the alcohol would only heighten my anxiety about being here.

"B!"

I turn around abruptly to see my old best friend Megan coming up to me with open arms.

Megan and I haven't talked all summer. Not only did she party a lot, which was something I was trying to avoid, but she ran in the same circles as my ex, someone I didn't want to see.

There wasn't any bad blood between Megan and I. We simply just lost contact over summer, which was partially my fault.

"I have missed you so much!" She says, partially jumping on me.

I was stunned by Megan's actions. I thought she would be mad at me for not talking to her this summer, but she seemed more than happy to see me.

"Alright, get off of her Megan, I need someone to roll my blunts for me, and you sure as hell not going to do it," Gabe says, gesturing for me to follow him outside.

Harry follows right behind me, and I'm grateful that he has stuck close by. I think he sensed I was nervous and didn't want to leave me alone.

Harry took a seat next to me on the chair outside by the fire. Gabe handed me some weed and sheets to start rolling, and I didn't mind. I used to roll for the group all the time. It was very nostalgic.

"Fireball Blair?" Gabe asks, handing the half-empty bottle to me.

I wasn't going to drink at first, but I started to feel comfortable in this setting, and a little drink won't hurt.

I was wrong.

A little drink turned into me, finishing off the bottle of fireball.

Gabe, Megan, and a couple of other people had smoked all four blunts I rolled for them, and it was like old times. I was actually having fun.

I also noticed that Harry hadn't smoked or touched a drink. He probably was trying to be in the best shape for tryouts tomorrow.

A good bit of people had already left, and it was just a small group of seniors still hanging around.

Gabe and I were dancing around each other while Harry was standing in the corner, smiling at me. He was standing next to a brown-haired girl who I have never seen before. She was talking to him, but he didn't seem like he was paying attention.

I never noticed his dimples. They were the cutest thing.

The music stopped, which caused Gabe to stop dancing with me, and a familiar tune came on.

Know I had the time of my life.

"Oh, for fucks sakes!" Gabe curses. "Who has the aux?"

"No, wait!" I yell at him. "I love this song!"

In a drunken haze, I run over to Harry, pulling him out from the corner of the room.

"What are you doing?" He asks, shocked by my behavior.

I intertwined my fingers with Harry's, stumbling my way to the main part of the yard.

"Dance with me," I say, standing up on my tippy toes whispering in Harry's ear.

He lets out a throaty chuckle. "How much have you had to drink love?"

"I'm not even that drunk," I responded, pouting at him. "I'm having fun. I haven't had this much fun since Junior year."

He looked like he was going to say something to me, but I stepped away from him, leaving him with a puzzled look on his face.

"What are you doing?"

"You better catch me, Harry!" I scream before I get a running start.

He seemed to get the hint from what I was about to do because once I reached him, he picked up by my hips, holding me above his head, recreating the scene from dirty dancing.

At that moment, I realized that this was the first time a boy other than my Dad has touched me since my breakup with Justin.

And I didn't mind.

[babylon-corgis]

I was tagged by the wonderful @sunflowerofficials like two weeks ago and I finally finished it lol

Song titles

Rules: only using song titles from one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and tag 10 people

Artist: 5 Seconds of Summer

What’s your gender? Good Girls

How are you feeling? Gotta Get Out

If you could go anywhere? San Francisco

Favourite mode of transportation? Airplanes (I hate flying but it fits the best)

Your best friend? She Looks So Perfect

Favourite time of day? Daylight

If your life was a tv show? Unpredictable

Relationship status? Lonely Heart

50 questions you’ve never been asked

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? Pink

2. A food you never eat? EGGS and meatloaf

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Scrolling mindlessly through Pinterest...

5. What is your favourite candy bar? REESE’S STICKS, Kit Kats, anything Milka, English Cadbury, peppermint Ritter Sport

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? A Celtics game when I was in high school but that’s it

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? I’ve been singing along to old 5SOS songs after answering the song title questions

8. What is your favourite ice cream? Chocolate peanut butter cookie dough from a local ice cream stand, other than that pretty much anything chocolate

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Lemonade

10. Do you like your wallet? My wallet has pigs on it and almost every cashier has commented on it 

11. What was the last thing you ate? Salt and vinegar chips (I could live off of salt and vinegar chips)

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope

13. The last sporting event you watched? I went to all of the track meets that my middle schoolers were in last spring

14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? I like it with lots of salt, not too much butter (I’m lactose intolerant) and I usually share it with my cat lol. I also LOVE the chocolate drizzle corn from Popcorn Indiana, I could eat the entire bag in 10 minutes (and I like to put it on top of ice cream which disgusts everyone but oh well)

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My work best friend about one of our students who’s missing some schoolwork and he was making a spreadsheet to track everything, he loves spreadsheets...(but he taught me how to use Excel finally which somehow I never learned how to use?)

16. Ever go camping? I’ve been quite a few times but most of the time it was camping out in a cow barn at county fairs

17. Do you take vitamins? I take a hair and skin vitamin gummy thing (I don’t know if it’s working but I love the taste of it)

18. Do you go to church every sunday? I’ve actually never been to a church service...

19. Do you have a tan? HAHAHAHAHA I’M SO PALE

20. Do you prefer chinese food or pizza? Okay this was probably the hardest question but I have to go with pizza (fun fact: the first word I ever read was pizza)

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? No

22. What colour socks do you usually wear? I buy whatever socks are on sale at Target so I have a lot of plain black ones, some colorful patterned ones, and a lot with dogs on them

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Nope

24. What terrifies you? The snake that came into my kitchen (curse old houses with field stone foundations), spiders, never making anything of my life, being stuck in my small town forever, never seeing the world, my family and friends dying, robots, drive thrus... 

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My messy dresser that I use as a nightstand that I have to clean but still haven’t oops

26. What chore do you hate? Cleaning the cow’s water tank, you have to use a bucket to bail out the water and it’s big and there’s a tree that drops its nasty leaves in it and they get all slimy and I hate it, also cleaning the chicken coops because they’re so dusty. Just fun farm things!

27. What do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I immediately think of Steve Irwin because The Crocodile Hunter was my childhood but then 5SOS, The Wiggles, Amy Shark, and wombats because they are adorable

28. What’s your favourite soda? Ginger ale

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? If you refer back to #24 you would learn that drive thrus TERRIFY me for some unknown reason so unless I’m looking to have at least two full blown panic attacks I go in :)

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom

31. Favourite cut of beef? My dude I raise beef cattle and grew up showing them and competing in skill-a-thons where I would have to judge cuts of beef, but chicken fried steak is one of my favorite meals and you use cubed steak for that (plus we always sell all of the fancy cuts so we get left with a lot of the leftovers and odd cuts)

32. Last song you listened to? Voodoo Doll - 5 Seconds of Summer

33. Last book you read? It’s a tie between Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone that I’ve been reading out loud to my pigs and To Kill a Mockingbird that my 8th graders are reading in English

34. Favourite day of the week? With all that’s going on now I can barely tell which day is which but I’m currently obsessed with a VERY cheesy show called The Baker and the Beauty and it’s on Monday nights so I like that

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can say it and sign it in ASL but I have to think about it

36. How do you like your coffee? I don’t do caffeine, it’s very bad when I have it

37. Favourite pair of shoes? My flip flops and my vans

38. At what time do you normally go to bed? Anywhere between 10:30 pm-1:30 am lol

39. At what time do you normally get up? Usually by 7 but before quarantine it was 5:30 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets

41. How many blankets are on your bed? Three

42. Describe your kitchen plates? Most of them are white with a blue rim, some are clear glass, and then we have a shit ton of apple plates that my parents got as a wedding gift

43. Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? I don’t drink

44. Do you play cards? I only know how to play Go Fish and I played Uno with my students but they always crush me

45. What colour is your car? It’s this weird purple/gray color that no one can figure out and it looks different at different times of the day and depending on the light

46. Can you change a tire? I theoretically know how to do it but I would call my parents or sister lol

47. What is your favourite state/province? I love Maine and Oklahoma but I will always have a special place in my heart for Massachusetts (even though I don’t want to stay here forever)

48. Favourite job you’ve ever had? My current job as a learning assistant in middle school special ed

49. How did you get your biggest scar? I have a lot of farm related ones and then a bad one on my chin from when my sister climbed on my back and my head slammed into the kitchen floor when I was in kindergarten (giant knee bandaids on your chin is totally a look)

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? I helped my mom with some cleaning and tracked down some missing assignments for a teacher

That was fun! I’m tagging @5-secondsofcolor, @thelawiswiththerose, @bicherwuerm, @calumsmermaid, @pxrxmoore, and anyone else who wants to do it (but don’t feel pressured and sorry if you’ve already been tagged, I’m so late to this)

[koala-soap]

Content In Your Presence

Chapter Three

Pairing  Foreign Reader X Japanese Shouto Todoroki

Summary  Moving to Japan seemed like the only option left open to you, to escape your rapidly increasing problems that latched themselves onto your life back in Australia. As if to cut it off, wipe everything off the table, and have some sort of a new start for yourself, despite the guilt that stuck to you like rust. Through getting lost at airports, loosing luggage and being surrounded by a foreign language, moving to Japan managed to weasel it’s way into being the best decision of your life, thanks to someone you met on the balcony next to you: a sweetheart called Shouto Todoroki.

A lovely story about a foreigner falling in love with a Japanese sweet heart, and all your adventures and mishaps together.

。。。。

With it now being your second official day in the county of Japan, it made you glad to have some sort of responsibility to busy yourself with; give yourself the feeling of being productive, rather than sitting in your small apartment slurping on roasting hot noodles from a cheap plastic cup bought from a petrol station. For the next three weeks, you were had a small and simple job, and that was to water that nice old lady’s plants every weekend during her absence.

Having no clue on how to tend to flowers or any type of plant didn’t stop you though, and having this quaint little responsibility beat ending up working long shifts in a dull super market or a little sweaty fast food place crammed with oil and fat fingers. This way, you got to help someone out and have cool breeze in your face.

But that’s enough of that, because as of now, you stood at the end of what seemed like a maze of numbers, welcome mats and corridors. Just earlier, you had set off on a mission following the bright blue line on your phone guiding you to the address, and now that the short elevator ride was over, it was time to find the correct numbered door.

Your phone now sat snug in the tight pockets of your jeans, as concentrated eyes swayed from either side of the hallway, in search of a two digit number that kept repeating in your mind.

After a minute of wandering past countless doors neighbored with mats and boots and even small plants by them, a door with the number ‘38’ etched into it’s golden plate popped up on your right. Like a switch being turned on, the rigorous eyes on your face lit up like that of a Christmas tree covered in shining tinsel; and just like was planned, a cold metal key was left lying lonely under the scratchy welcome mat for you to let yourself inside.

It slid smoothly into the lock, and the door had slowly opened up to a colorful apartment inside. Unlike your own, there were colors all around. The couches that first greeted you when you entered had multiple knitted blankets flopped over their sides, bright tins of various cooking ingredients lined up against the kitchen counter, and strings of rainbow beads draped down in front of the sliding door opening up to the giant city outside. There was also a smell of soothing incense singing around in the air.

“ Dude, my apartment sucks. ” You mused to yourself with a chuckle.

The air outside was crisp and refreshing, the large green watering can in your hands quickly filling with water sprouting from the hose on the wall.

The white cap that hugged your hair kept the sun’s warm rays out the way, and only when the can was half-way filled did you rotate the creaky tap and attempt to pick it up. Water sloshed around inside and rounded out the top onto your slippery hands, trickling like a gentle shower head over the tiny succulents shortly after. Your strained hands held the water source over each plant pot, with greedy soil who slurped every drop up into its dry dirt.

Once all were happy and watered, the dripping green can sat happily in its spot by the coiled hose, and your hands rested on your hips to admire the view in front of you. However, once your wet hand reached up and around the back door’s handle to pull it back, it made you skin grow cold despite the shining sun when it laughed in your face that it was indeed… locked.

“ Oh, come on, please, no.” It ignored your desperate plead and sat smugly closed in its place. Whimpering and with eyebrows screwed together in exhausted worry, you gently placed your head against the cold glass. “ Am I supposed to sleep out here? Like, c'mon…”

After tugging on it, thinking it may just be jammed, you realized it certainly was not. You stood staring at the furniture mocking you from inside also, rapidly going through your options. Fujiko was away for the entire weekend, hence why you were here in the first place, and climbing down was only a job for super heroes since you were on the fourth floor. You couldn’t call the apartment’s reception either, since it was abandoned for the weekend.

Once the panic settled in, you were left to sit on the balcony floor waiting for god to answer your prayers for the door to just magically open. The sight of the neighbor’s matching sliding door caught your eye, and you peeped through the thin black railing and thought about asking them for help.

Being the positive soul you were, you decided to give it a go. So long as they were home and weren’t an axe murderer, what could go wrong?

A small sigh filtered out your nose to prepare yourself with whatever was about to happen, but it really was the only thing that you could do in this situation; calling the fire department sounded a bit too dramatic to you, and Fujiko was over two hours away enjoying time with her kids and grandchildren.

Your wet hand gripped onto the thin railing and you looked over to the matching balcony just in front of you, pondering how to get their attention without being excessively loud.

Your body strained to stretch as far over the railing to swerve your eyes past the door blocking your view, one thong covered foot lifting slightly off the tiles. When a sudden noise busted through your concentration, it was a quick struggle to not fall over the side and onto the busy streets below.

Flinging your head around, you see a young male stepping out his sliding door with a concerned but unsure look on his sleepy face, a hand flicking rouge strands of bed hair from it. The stranger was still clearly in pajamas from the baggy shirt and shorts, but his lively eyes suggested he’d been awake for a while.

He eyed your strange situation. “ ねえ。。だ。。だいじょぶ です か？[ Hey.. Uh.. Are you okay ? ] ”

“ はい、 はい、だいじょぶ。[ Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine. ] ” Once you popped your cap off, ruffling the hair off your sweaty forehead was a relief. An uncontrollable fit of nervous laughter jumped from your lips, and out of nervous habit, scratched the tips of your sweaty ears. You really didn’t like speaking Japanese to native people, in fear of them judging you. A wave of English words gushed through your mind, and you realized your vocabulary wasn’t good enough to explain yourself.

“ しょくぶつ に 、あの。。[ I’m here to.. water.. plants and uh… ] ” Your eyebrows sank together, and your hands waved about in circles to think of words. His gentle eyes follow your finger to the glass door. “ たちおうじょう [ Stuck . ] ”

Despite his empathetic gaze, you giggled relentlessly with unimaginable embarrassment at yourself with a hand clamped over your mouth. He’s silent for a few moments, eyes internally arguing over a decision before saying with only an impressively small amount of an accent, “ Do you speak English ? ”

The sheer look of absolute shock slapped into you was honestly priceless, and for a measly second, the strained laughing ceased for a second from behind your hand. It was as if the cogs in your brain had come to a complete stop and malfunctioned right in front of his eyes, and shocked eyes stared at him for a while, though clearly impressed. Just like your own, a very faint chuckle of nervousness left him. The hand on your face quickly shot down, and your eyebrows arched up to make your smile naturally kind as can be. “ Yeah! Oh my god, that was so strange, your English is so good! ”

The stranger’s eyes scrunched to make way for his shy smile. The beginning of your excited outburst was a little too fast for him to understand, but he got the end. “ Thank you. Were you saying the door is… stuck? ” The small pause he took was for him to shift through various English words until he landed on the correct one.

Two delicate hands placed the white hat back on your hair, and you giggled again when thinking of your horrible attempt of communication earlier. “ The key’s inside and I locked myself out here… Rookie mistake, I know. ” You chuckled.

“ Ah.. ” He nodded knowingly while his brain whirred about inside to try remember what 'rookie’ meant, but found nothing. The rest made sense to the stranger, anyhow. “ Okay, uh… hm. ” He seemed stuck for what to do as well, just as you were.

Fiddling with the tip of your left ear, face scrunched in thought and you looked at the handle. “ Can we pick it ? Or is that just in the movies ? ”

He puffed out a breathy chuckle, and scratched his head. “ Maybe.. You have uh.. それ なんだった？[ What was it? ] ” Quiet Japanese mumbling made his eyebrows furrow, and then pop up when he got the word and made a motion with his fingers to show what he meant. “ A pin ? Bobby pin? ”

You shook your head with a face full of apologetic guilt. The young man lent back to peer into his house and said, “ Hang on. ” Before hopping inside and making a bunch of thudding sounds.

He reappeared with a small grey box resting in large hands, patches missing reflective metal from being scratched off with what seemed like age. It clanged with tools inside, and he crouched down to open it on the floor of the tiled balcony. Things clanged against each other, until a small and thin metal tool that slightly resembled tweezers lifted out in his hand. “ I’m pretty sure this open locks… I promise I’m not a part time burglar, though. ” He smiles, and grunts to stand back up.

“ I’ll take your word for it. ” You joke back, and he quickly reaches a hand past his door to grab a screwdriver from a cabinet. “ Are you a mechanic or something? You have so many tools. ”

He quietly chuckles for a second with the tools in his hand. “ No, I’m not that cool. I’m studying to be a doctor. I just have them for convi- convin- convinience ? ”

You reassured him of his English with a nod paired with kind eyes, and he smiled shyly. “ Now how should we do this ? ”

Agreeing to letting him hand over the tools for you to try was apparently a big mistake, because even after a while of him leaning over the railing to observe your confused fiddling and directing you, the lock still remained stuck in its place. The pieces of metal in your fiddly fingers wiggled around inside the key hole, and were lifted or twisted depending on what the kind stranger told you to do. It remained hopeless though, and you stood defeated with the lock laughing at you.

“ This is so freaking hard. ” You mumbled mostly to yourself, tongue stuck out to assist in balancing the tools in the intricate place you had them.

“ Would like me to help? It’s fine. ” He offered, and soon enough, Shouto found himself hanging off the edge of his balcony railing, one hand in yours for balance as his leg reached out for the neighboring railing with his butt sat uncomfortably on his. The gap was only about half a meter wide, but the rock hard concrete and racing cars beckoned his body to fall.

The second foot with a large sandle weakly hanging from it leaped from the metal underneath it, and with a few stumbles, the tall man had succesfully made it to the other balcony with all four limbs. You let his hand go, and winced when you caught a glimpse of the busy streets below.

“ You okay ? ” A voice couldn’t sound more worried than yours, but the stranger simply kicked his dad sandles off and sighed out all the suspense that grew inside him.

A confident nod made your nerves ease themselves. “ Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. ” He panted heavily and switched from the gap he just leaped across to the shaken young lady in front of him again. “ Easy peasy lemon squeazy. ”

You snorted, and soon both got back to opening the stubborn door.

“ 愚かなロック。。[ C'mon, you stupid lock.. ] ” It was after five minutes that both of you realized he wasn’t much better than you. He did manage to get something in the lock to click, so whatever that was was hopeful. The man currently stood hunched over, hair flopped anywhere it desired, hands delicately twisting the tools with the tip of his tongue poking out. The screwdriver was angled ever so perfectly, and the other tool was twisted to the left carefully. Both you and him jumped at the sound of a rather loud click coming from inside the door, and he decided to risk it and put his hand around the handle.

He pulled on it, and it slid along the hinges to reveal the prize inside. Shouto sighed with exhaustion and grinned with triumph; you were jumping around excitedly.

A tsunami of relief crashed down onto you, so much so you could melt and cry. This generous stranger had just wasted forty minutes and jumped a balcony for you, and now you wouldn’t have to sleep out there for two days. “ Yes! Oh god, you did it! Thank you so much! ”

He nodded, just as triumphed as you. “ No problem, my morning was rather boring to begin with. ” He breathlessly chuckled. “ Now I can say I jumped a balcony. ”

“ You sure can, my god. ” You laughed as well, “ I’m [______] by the way. ”

You both shared a chuckle over the fact you were just doing this now, after the chaos had happened. The stranger pocketed the tools with grey, oily fingers and said with a heavy accent and smile, “ I’m Todoroki Shouto. ”

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @drgrlfriend!

Merry Merry!

My gift for the good Doctor for SSS 2018. Hope you like it. :D

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

******

Stiles Stilinski: Baker Extraordinaire, Amateur Detective, Oblivious Idiot

“I swear to god, there’s something weird about him.”

“Stiles, you are so fucking paranoid,” Erica informs him, clearly only half-paying attention.

Stiles watches as Derek Hale, the new florist across the street from Stiles’ bakery, carries a bucket of roses out of his shop and refills his sidewalk stand. He waits until Derek goes back into the shop, trying to see if he does anything suspicious.

“Have you seen him, Erica? He doesn’t look like he should run a flower shop.” For one thing, he’s incredibly buff and looks like a supermodel that got lost on the way to the catwalk. And for another, his eyebrows are drawn down in a distinctly stern fashion that makes Stiles think he’s got murderous thoughts.

Erica sing-songs bitingly, “Are we judging books by their covers, Stiles?”

“No.” He gnaws on his lip, intent on dropping the subject. The door to the flower shop opens again and Stiles sees Derek bring out another bucket of flowers, this time some white frothy thing. “It’s just… well… I mean, look at him.”

Erica sighs, hops down from her seat at the counter, and peers out the window without even trying to hide what she’s doing.

Stiles rolls his eyes at her utter lack of stealth. He stands to the side of the window, biting his thumbnail and watching his best friend’s face for any reaction.

After another moment of openly staring, Erica gives her verdict: “Well, he’s hot as fuck.”

“That’s it?”

She shrugs, heading back to the counter. “That’s all I got.”

He throws his hands into the air. “You are utterly useless.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Stiles. He’s just a really hot guy who’s apparently really good at making bouquets.”

“There’s something weird about him,” he insists. “And I’m gonna find out what it is.”

She glances at the clock. “Shouldn’t you be getting the muffins ready? Our after-school rush starts in fifteen minutes.”

He lets it lie, for now.

-----

Stiles lives above his bakery, like any proper city dweller. He closes the shop in the evening and retreats upstairs to read or watch movies or sleep. Whatever he wants, since he’s single. So single. Single as a Pringle, which doesn’t really make much sense, considering Pringles come in sleeves with like, a hundred more…

Anyways.

Stiles enjoys his time alone, really he does, but sometimes it’s nice to have company. Lately, company has come in the form of a big stray dog that ambled up onto his balcony one night a couple weeks ago.

It’s become routine, now, that Stiles closes up shop and his visitor is usually by about thirty minutes after.

That night, he smiles at the sound of claws on the steps and grins when two black ears poke over the edge of the steps followed by a long snout and curious eyes.

“Hiya, bud,” he greets, patting his knee. “How was your day?”

The dog huffs and trots over to him, leaning hard enough to almost knock him over.

“Easy, dude. God, you’re strong. Who’s a big, strong man? Hmm?” he coos, scratching under the dog’s chin while its eyes half-close in bliss.

He pushes up his sleeves, prepared to reach around to get both hands on the scruff that drapes over the dog’s shoulders. Stiles laughs as the dog licks at the exposed tattoos climbing up his arms.

“Like them, big guy?” he chuckles.

He points to each one, explaining them: the compass for his mom, the star for his dad, the stylized measuring cups for his babcia, the sleek black cat for Erica…

“I want more, but I figure two sleeves are good for now.” He pats the dog’s chest as it pants happily at him.

The dog’s ears prick forward and it gives Stiles’ cheek one last lick before it clicks away down the stairs.

“Later, dude,” Stiles calls before going back to his computer.

See the thing is, Stiles is a researcher.

Well, obviously, professionally he’s a baker and a damn good one at that. But in his personal life, he’s been known to be sucked down many a rabbit hole when it comes to an obscure subject.

Since he’s suspicious as all hell about Derek Hale, he looks Derek up online. He gets a website for Derek’s shop and a couple of articles from the Beacon Hills newspaper about the place opening. Though he’s tempted to hack into the BHPD database with his dad’s access credentials, he leaves that route alone and settles for getting his information another way.

He moves on and researches flowers. The meanings of flowers, the uses of herbs, the symbolism of certain corsages, and anything else he can find. There’s a lot of occult use for flowers and medicinal ones, but Derek doesn’t strike him as witch. But hell, maybe he is. Stiles doesn’t know what a witch looks like since he doesn’t know any.

At least, he doesn’t think he does.

Hmmm. Another mystery for another time.

On one Tuesday morning, he catches sight of Derek putting out flowers and notices that the sides of his displays are lined in white heather.

“Why does he have protection flowers around his stands?” he mutters to himself.

Erica makes him jump when she replies lowly from right next to him, “Maybe to keep creepers like you away.”

Stiles glares at her and doesn’t bother to comment, just storms away into the kitchen as Erica goes back to the counter to talk to the customers.

-----

The first time Stiles actually speaks to Derek is weird.

Stiles is perusing the avocados at the grocery store when someone reaches across him, picks one up, and holds it out for him. “This one is perfect.”

Stiles takes it, then he realizes who’s standing next to him.

Up close, Derek Hale is even more magnificent to look at. Long lashes, thick beard, some kind of kaleidoscope eyes. Goddammit.

“Uh, thanks,” he mumbles, dropping the avocado in his basket and about to dart when Derek speaks again.

“You’re Stiles, right?” Derek’s voice is soft, softer than Stiles thought it would be. “You own the bakery across the street from my flower shop.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

Derek smiles and it’s soft and slightly flirtatious. “I heard you have the best cookies in the entire county.”

Stiles smirks, always apt to brag about his baking reputation. “Three counties, actually.”

“Three counties. Well now I’m impressed,” Derek teases and something flutters in Stiles’ chest.

He reels himself back. Don’t fall for that smile and those dreamy eyes! He’s hiding something! “Mmhmm.” Maybe I can get it out of him. Or at least talk to him enough to figure it out myself. He slyly offers, “Come by the bakery sometime and you’ll see. They’ll change your life.”

Derek nods. “That sounds great.”

“Okie dokie,” Stiles replies, turning around and walking in the direct opposite direction.

The first step of his plan is done. Now all he has to do is catch Derek in the act. The act of… whatever it is that he’s clearly up to…

-----

Stiles didn’t really expect Derek to come the next day, so he’s confused when Erica pops her head into the kitchen right when they open and says, “Hottie McHotstuff is here to see you.”

“Who?” Stiles asks, half-distracted as he pulls muffins from a tin and places them on a tray to cool.

Erica sighs. “Derek, obviously.”

“Oh.” He dusts off his hands. “Wonder what he wants.”

“I wonder…” she mutters as she goes back out front.

He glances down at himself and unties his apron, patting at himself to shake off the excess flour and scratching at a patch of dried blue frosting on the stomach of his t-shirt.

When he emerges, slightly less floury, he sees Erica talking to a pretty redhead girl at the end of the bar. Rolling his eyes, he scans the place and finds Derek looking at the shelves filled with his babcia’s baking tools.

“Cool, huh?” he asks, sliding up next to Derek.

“Very.” Derek glances over, his nostrils flaring a little, and nods at the hand-mixer. “Family heirloom?”

“Remarkably spot on.” He points at the bowls, propped up to display the painted bottoms. “I learned how to make my first cookies with that mixer and those bowls.”

Derek’s looking at his arms, running his eyes over the tattoos if Stiles had to guess, but he smiles and teases, “Your Three-County-Wide Famous cookies.”

Stiles grins, heading back behind the counter. “What kind do you like?” he asks, leaning over the glass.

Derek points out the peanut butter – not serial killer material, most people like peanut butter – and white chocolate lemon – Stiles’ mom’s favorite, he can’t be mad about that – and caramel – perfectly normal choice, his caramel cookies are divine.

Half mad that he can’t narrow anything down by the man’s cookie preferences, he puts the special twist in the bag that keeps it closed and hands it across the counter to Derek with a smile. “Enjoy them. Have a good one.”

Derek blinks then smiles. He takes the bag, shaking his head a little as he leaves, the redhead trailing behind him.

When he turns around, Erica is staring at him, mouth open. “What?”

“Did… did you just brush off the hottest guy that’s ever flirted with you?”

“I didn’t brush him off. And he is not the hottest guy to ever flirt with me.”

“Ehhhhh…” Erica squints and wobbles his hand in the air.

He glares at her. “Why the hell are we friends?”

She shrugs. “Got me.”

“It doesn’t even matter,” Stiles adds under his breath. “He obviously just left with his girlfriend.”

“Who, Lydia?”

“Whatever the redhead’s name is.”

“She’s not his girlfriend. She said they’re practically brother and sister and she came to help him with the flower shop for a couple months.”

“Really?”

The small voice in Stiles’ head starts shouting, insisting that there’s something extra weird going on.

He’s just got to figure out what it is!

-----

Stiles sprawls on his back porch and fiddles with the dog’s toes.

His new friend is almost wriggling with pleasure, which is odd because normally dogs hate having their feet touched, but it’s helping him think, so it’s whatever.

“I have a problem, dude,” he sighs. “There’s this guy…”

The dog huffs when he stops his ministrations, snorting and kicking his feet.

“Oh, right, sorry.” He starts back up. “Anyways, there’s this guy who is… a conundrum. I don’t know what to think about him. He’s… man, he’s good looking and he’s a florist, of all things. And, I’m not exactly an expert on flowers even after all my research, but he seems really good at it.”

He sighs, wondering how he can get Derek to talk to him.

“Maybe… maybe I can get a tour of the greenhouse? Or his shop…” he muses half-aloud. That could definitely work. “We are new neighbors, after all…”

The dog snorts again and rolls to its feet, shoving its nose against Stiles’ face and licking him.

“Ew, dude, gross!” he laughs, pushing the dog away.

The dog’s tongue lolls out and it wags its tail before trotting away and down the stairs.

-----

Derek looks up as Stiles enters the shop a couple days later. “Stiles.”

“Hey,” he greets, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Thought I’d come by and see the place. Maybe get a tour, if you’ve got time.”

Derek nods, looking pleased, and gestures to a side counter. “I have to finish an order, but I’ll only be a second.”

“No worries.” He ambles over and looks at the vases on display, enjoying the smells and colors of the flowers around him.

Lydia pops up next to his elbow and he jumps. “See anything you like?” she asks with a cat-like smile.

“Uh, not… not really?” He glances over her shoulder as two guys come from the back and walk over behind the counter.

“This is Scott and Isaac,” Lydia offers. “They work here too.”

Scott gives him a look, takes a deep breath, and asks, “Can you make stir-fry?”

“Uh,” he shakes his head, “I’m not a very good cook.”

“But you’re a professional baker,” Isaac almost accuses.

“Yeah, I bake things. It’s not exactly the same.” He thinks about it and adds, “I mean, I guess I’m okay at like… casseroles but that’s about it.”

“So you can’t make stir-fry?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I could try I guess.”

Scott frowns. “How are you alive if you don’t cook? What do you eat?”

He laughs. “I subsist mainly on take-out and frozen food.”

Lydia pokes a sharp-nailed finger at his abdomen. “How are you so skinny then? That food is terrible for you.”

“Hey, I’ve got muscles. I can carry three bags of flour by myself.”

“Not bad, I guess,” she sniffs.

The three of them look toward the door as Derek comes through.

He looks between them. “What’s going on?”

Stiles notices the angelic faces that Scott, Isaac, and Lydia wear and he turns to Derek. “Hi again.”

“Hi.”

“Would you care to save me from the Inquisition? They’re making me feel bad about my inability to cook and also my weight, I think.”

“Sure,” Derek laughs, jerking his head toward the door. “Come on.”

They go through the back of the shop, past coolers and sinks and a big storage room, and end up in a small alley that leads to a door.

“Greenhouse,” Derek explains, opening the door and gesturing him inside. “I need to water the plants anyway.”

“Cool.” He keeps his hands in his pockets, sure that he’ll kill something if he touches it. He’s got a notorious Black Thumb. “So,” he starts, aiming for casual interest, “what brings you to Beacon Hills?”

“My family lived here before.”

“What? When?”

Derek frowns at him. “Your dad is the Sheriff. Surely you’re familiar with the Hale fire?”

It clicks – he’s an idiot because it shouldn’t have taken him this long to put two and two together – and Stiles shakes his head. “Holy shit. I guess I just didn’t…” He clears his throat. “Sorry.”

Derek shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“Wait… so… you moved back to town, even though your family’s house almost caught fire?”

Derek shrugs. “No one was hurt. And the land is still in our name. I wanted to branch out to my own shop. It made sense.”

“Oh yeah, totally,” he mutters, but his mind is going a mile a minute. There’s not really anything strange about Derek’s story… so why does Stiles still have the weirdest feeling that he’s hiding something?

Derek holds a sunflower out to him with a smile.

“Oh, cool, thanks.” He tucks the flower behind his ear and grins. “How do I look?”

His eyes do a slow sweep over Stiles’ face, lingering on his mouth. “Really good.”

“Aw, thanks dude.” Stiles claps him on the shoulder.

Derek clears his throat, stating slowly. “I have to be honest, I’m kind of getting some mixed signals here.”

Stiles blinks at him, half-started on another spiral of thought about what Derek’s deal could be. “What?”

Derek smiles, shaking his head. “Never mind. Do you want to see the hybrid orchids I’ve been working on?”

“Sure.”

-----

Everything is hunky-dory for a while. Stiles tries to figure Derek out, Derek shakes his head at him with that strange smile and always sends him back to the bakery with flowers or plants.

It’s all good until the night of the full moon when he realizes he’s forgotten his phone charger at Derek’s shop.

He wonders if he has an extra somewhere, but guesses he probably doesn’t since the port on his new phone has rendered all his other chargers useless.

“Stupid upgrades,” he mutters, pulling himself up from his bed and shoving his bare feet into his shoes.

It’s a quick jaunt across the street and he loops around the back. The door to the greenhouse is open and he’s about to slip inside when he sees the black dog that’s been hanging out with him.

Before he can call out to the dog, it shivers and starts to change. Its body shifts, elongating and twisting and moving until Derek Hale, in all his glory, is standing in the dog’s place.

Stiles freezes, his heart climbing into his throat.

Derek is… Derek just… what the fuck? What the fuck?!

He takes a step back and Derek whips his head around, snarling with a mouthful of sharp teeth as his eyes flash bright red.

Stiles squeaks and takes off, sprinting across the street and scrambling up the stairs until he half falls into his apartment. He locks his doors and windows, pulls all his curtains closed, and sequesters himself in his bedroom with a baseball bat.

He has pretty fucked up dreams, so he barely sleeps. When Erica comments on how tired he looks the next day, he just levels her with a flat stare and keeps kneading his bread dough.

“Damn, okay,” she says quietly, clearly getting that he’s not having it today.

The only other time she bothers him is to poke her head into the kitchen and tell him Derek is out front.

“I’m busy.”

She frowns, studying his face. “Is there something I need to kick his ass for?”

“No. Just tell him I’m busy, please.”

“Okay…” She goes back out front. A few minutes later, she comes back in and asks, “Are you sure I can’t kick his ass?”

He snorts. “No. It’s not something you can fix by kicking his ass. No matter how entertaining that would be.”

“Hmf. Well, let me know if that changes.”

“Will do.”

-----

A purple hyacinth is waiting on the doorstep of the bakery when Stiles comes downstairs the next morning. Curled up next to the pot is his phone charger.

He stares down at it and sighs, lips pursed. He grabs the charger and thinks about taking the plant inside but, when he thinks about Derek’s glowing eyes, he decides to leave it where it is.

Even though he knows purple hyacinths mean that the giver is saying I’m sorry and he’s not actually sure that Derek needs to be apologizing for anything anyways.

At seven, when he’s locking the front door, he sees the flowers are still there. After a moment, he leans down, grabs the pot up, and brings it inside, placing it in one of the windows.

“What is that?” Erica asks as she sweeps.

“Purple hyacinth.”

She studies it, touching the flowers gently. “What does it mean?”

Stiles hums, leaning on the counter. “‘I’m sorry’.”

She glances at him. “You gonna forgive him for whatever he did?”

He shrugs, walking back into the kitchen.

-----

It's been a week and he misses Derek.

It just freaking figures that while trying to figure out Derek’s secret, all Stiles did was end up developing a fondness for the guy.

He curses his own foolishness as he tries to figure out a plant that he can bring by that says sorry I freaked out once I realized you were apparently a creature of the night please hang out with me again and also maybe go on a date with me because I kind of like you a lot.

It ends up being too hard, so he does what he does best: he bakes.

When Stiles enters the shop, it’s empty. He looks around, still a little jumpy, and rings the small bell.

Lydia is suddenly behind the counter and Stiles knows she wasn’t there a second ago. She raises an eyebrow, arms crossed. “What do you want?”

Stiles plays it cool and holds up the container in his hand. “I come bearing a peace offering.”

Lydia eyes him then gestures for him to go through the opening in the counter. “He’s in the greenhouse.”

Stiles tries to stay out of snatching range, just in case, and Lydia snorts, clearly amused.

When he pokes his head into the greenhouse, Derek is standing stiffly next to the herb garden.

Stiles makes his way over. “Hey.”

Derek eyes him warily. “Hi.”

“So, uh, I was gonna get you a mistletoe plant but I researched it and apparently mistletoe is just a giant parasite, so. Then I thought, well, maybe a holly plant. It kind of reminds me of you. It symbolizes hopefulness, but that seemed a little too Christmas-y, you know? Next it was red tulips, to tell you that I like you but I couldn’t find any red ones for some reason.”

Derek blinks at him, looking startled at the flow of words.

Stiles, of course, keeps talking. “Plus, I don’t really speak Flower the way you do, at least, not that type of flower.” He chuckles nervously. “F-L-O-U-R I totally speak fluently. So, here, I made these for you with my sick translation skills.”

Then, like a totally reasonable adult, Stiles shoves the container at Derek and flees before the other man can even say a word.

When he gets back into the bakery, he walks straight past Erica and into the kitchen, throwing himself down on the ratty couch in the corner and putting his hands over his face.

“What’s the matter? He didn’t like the cookies?” Erica asks after a moment from somewhere near his feet.

“I have no idea if he liked them. I just word-vomited about plants and then shoved them at him before I fled like the hounds of Hell were chasing me.” He almost chokes on a laugh at the inadvertent turn of phrase.

Erica sighs. “You’ve got serious issues.”

“I know!” Stiles wails. “I’m gonna die alone!”

“Probably,” Erica tuts sympathetically as she pats his foot. “I, on the other hand, am going to marry Lydia and we’re going to have lots of pretty, pretty babies.”

“You’re really bad at comforting people,” he complains.

“Yeah… luckily that’s not why we’re friends.”

“Why are we friends again?”

Instead of joking, she answers honestly: “Because it’s important for you to have someone to kick you in the ass every now and then.” She stands up and points down at him. “Now, you’re going to get up, finish baking those cranberry orange scones, and then, if Derek hasn’t come over by then, you’re going to go back and calmly ask him out on another date.”

He stares up at her, trying to figure out if he’s more disconcerted by how bossy she’s being or by the fact that it’s all good advice.

“But what if he says no?” he asks, his voice oddly small.

She gives him a look. “He’s not going to say no, Stiles. Not even you could blow this one. He’s smitten with you.”

He scowls at her. “I’m sure there was a compliment buried in there somewhere.”

She smiles, patting his knee. “I’m sure there was.”

When she leaves, he only wallows on the couch for another couple of minutes before pulling himself up and baking the scones, moping and pouting the whole time.

Instead of going back across the street, though, he chooses the coward’s route and retreats upstairs. Sitting on his porch, he sighs, wondering how long it’ll be before he lives this down.

Footsteps on his stairs make his head jerk up and, instead of the black dog, Derek appears at the top of the stairs. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

He jerks his chin at the chair next to Stiles. “Can I join you?”

“Uh… sure.”

Derek looks around curiously, brushing his fingers over the edge of the seat and scuffing his feet as he sits. He looks like he wants to say something but he’s holding himself back.

“So what’s up?”

Derek blinks at him slowly. “Just thinking that I’ve never been up here on two legs before,” he explains softly.

Stiles stares at him, taking that in. “Y’know, I… should maybe be mad at you for not disclosing that you were a person under the fur, but, if I’m being completely honest,” he winces, “I may have hung out with you so that I could figure out your secret.”

Derek raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah, but not like in a bad way?” He waves that away. “Okay, even I hear how that sounds. What I mean is… I could tell there was something about you that was different. I just… didn’t know what it was.”

“And so you decided that being alone with the suspicious person was a wise decision?”

“Well, I didn’t think you were dangerous. Just…” he shrugs, “on the run, maybe. Like, witness protection or something.” He sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Look, I know it was pretty dumb, I just, sometimes I get hyper focused on things and can’t let them go. You were a mystery I was trying to solve.”

Derek huffs a laugh. “Well, did you solve it?”

“Almost, but I… I have to ask.” He pauses, trying to phrase it the right way. “What are you guys? Like… you know what I mean.”

He nods. “Scott, Isaac, and I are werewolves. Lydia is a banshee.”

“That’s… interesting.”

“That’s it?”

“Forgive me if my reaction isn’t what you expected,” he drawls. “My former take on reality is kind of imploding a little.” He lets out a long breath. “Okay, so, you guys are werewolves. Why are you really back in town?”

“My mother told me that someone from the Hale pack is always supposed to live in Beacon Hills. There was one relative still living in town, a human pack member. Recently, she got married and moved to be with her spouse. My mom sent me and my pack to take her place.”

Stiles stares at him. “You’re being very forthcoming with information that seems pretty sensitive.”

“I guess,” Derek muses, “I feel like it’s okay if you know. I… I trust you.”

“Well that’s…” Stiles can feel his cheeks warming. “Um, thanks, I guess.”

“So, was that the only reason?”

“What?”

“That you hung out with me. Because you were trying to figure out the mystery?”

Stiles answers honestly. “Initially, yeah. I can’t lie that I’d like to get to know you, though, for real this time. Uh, if you’re… if you’re still interested.”

Derek studies him for a moment, then holds out his hand. “Derek Hale, Alpha werewolf, florist, still interested in you.”

Stiles smiles. “Stiles Stilinski, human, baker extraordinaire, amateur detective, oblivious idiot, definitely interested in you too. Would you like to go on a real date with me tomorrow?”

Derek smiles back. “I’d love to.”

[def-march]

heyo! i'm kinda curious about something, what style of music do def march play? if there's any real world bands/songs similar to what they'd play i'd be really interested in hearing about that. anyway i hope you have a nice day dude!

SHAKES WITH ANTICIPATION

Everything is under the cut because this turned out really long!!

I haven’t really found THE band that they sound like, their style ranges a LOT and evolves throughout the years; they experiment and adapt but they always make an effort to stay true to their roots. I imagine they have a lot of faster paced songs, but also songs that are gritty and growly, thanks to Sev’s impressive vocal range.

Three bands really come to mind with the bands’ “style,” Sixx A.M and Egypt Central, which is closer to the metal/sock sound I incorporate the band with, and Sugarcult, which is closer to their originating “faster” punk sound. These three bands fit into Seven’s singing vocal range, so naturally they’re all his singing voice claim. (Strangely, I just realized that this is pretty much a range from Sixx A.M to Sugarcult, with Egypt Central in the middle…….huh)

Another band that makes me think of Def Märch is Silent Theory

It’s how I imagine 777 rapping basically. Its growly. 10/10

When Seven was still living in Los Angeles county, he did have a shitty garage band for a while with some friends, and their sound was closer to Descendants. A little unrefined, but I think the vocals almost sound pubescent (im so sorry Milo, it’s the truth.)

I specified singing voice claim, because surprisingly, I don’t imagine my Seven to sound like any of the vocals from any of the bands when he was talking. He sounds closer to Nikki Sixx, the bassist of Sixx A.M. (Alongside Sixx A.M, he is part of a band that’s more well known, called Mötley Crüe, which was mostly active during the years 777 was alive! I think it’s fitting regardless.)

For the other two members of the band, their talking voice claims are the same person as their singing ones. (Partially because I’m lazy, partially because I haven’t found anything that fits better for BJ especially;) yes, the whole band is capable of singing, and sing backup, but 777 is still the lead. (However, ever since BJ complained about wanting to sing more in Week 2, the band has made an effort to include at least two bonus tracks, one from both Tenho and BJ respectively, on each album where it’s only them singing.

Tenho’s sounds exactly like VAMPS, even down to the music composition. He would be definitely into heavier sounds like 777 is, and also like 777, he has a powerful set of lungs, but his voie doesn’t cover much of a range. I wanted to pick a singer who is Japanese, because I’m like that for authenticity, and Hyde (the guy with long hair in the interview) fits the bill perfectly. Ironically, (VAMPS also had a tour with SIxx A.M. Wild.) Though, unfortunately, I think Tenho would have to end up straining his voice for that sound, because his voice isn’t naturally gritty like Seven’s.

For BJ, I feel like his voice would be the least refined so I think Scarlet White (the linked song is also BJ’s theme lmao) fits him tremendously! (idk how to describe it otherwise…inexperienced??? bruh, you really just have to listen to them to get what I’m saying.) A lot of their music isn’t that heavy, imo, (some is though, don’t get me wrong) but it’s usually only the intro that’s loud and in-your-face. Scarlet White may be a Christian Rock band, but BJ is agnostic. As much as I like Scarlet White, I find that their lyrics are very repetitive, but like, in not a good way; I can only listen them for short periods of time before their songs start to blend together. It would also be a fault of BJ; that song styles aren’t really changed up. It’s unfortunate fr the band, because I think they had lots of potential.

TLDR: The band is a big mish mash of other bands I like.

[stillebesat]

The Butterfly Effect -A Cursed Day (4/26)

Sanders Sides: Roman, Logan Inspiration: from @writing-prompt-s  “My domain is time,” said the Genie. “Instead of three wishes, you get three decisions. Go back and choose again.” Blurb: Roman has three chances to change his life for the better. Three chances to fix past mistakes. Three chances to totally screw it all up. But who said life is worth living unless one takes a little risk? Fic Type: Hurt/Comfort Overall Fic Warnings: Major Character Death (mentioned), Suicide (mentioned), Suicide Attempt, Partial Paralysis, Injuries, Blood, Punching/Fighting, Knives, Medicinal Misuse, Toxic Roommates (implied/mentioned), Acrophobia (fear of heights), Falling, Nausea, Bullying (implied/mentioned), Car Accident (mentioned), Prison (mentioned), Negative Self Talk, Panic Attack, Bomb (mention), Surgery (mentioned)

To Catch Up: Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3

Roman let a slow breath, careful to not jab himself further on the broken chair leg. He met Logan’s shimmering reddened eyes. He hadn’t wanted him to find out like this. “Logan.” He said, slipping a hand into his pocket.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Logan demanded, a tremor running up his arm as he pressed the broken tip against Roman’s neck. “Or were you planning for me to show up one day and find you gone?”  

“Roman.” Another’s voice rang in the air, followed by a sigh.

Logan stiffened, turning to Roman’s phone as he held it up. “Pic.” He whispered staring at the small screen.

“You know my reluctance to allow Logan to leave the city.” Picani continued in the voicemail. “Let alone the state.”

Logan flinched, his knuckles going white on the chair leg. They both knew that Logan had quite the volatile nature. It made sense that Picani wanted him to stick close to familiar ground so he wouldn’t end back up in prison.

“But….it’s undeniable that the result of your fusion into Logan’s life this past year has only been positive for him. So…” Picani gave a light chuckle. “Congrats. You’ve convinced me. Logan will be able to go to England with you. I’ve got it all worked out with the authorities over there. I just need both of you in my office tomorrow morning to finish the paperwork and establish his new boundaries for your jaunt across the pond. Let me know if 11 works for you both. Toodles!”

Roman slowly lowered the phone.

Logan had gone as still as a statue, hardly appearing to breathe as his glazed eyes stared at nothing.

“I figured you’d vanish the moment you heard the location was England, thinking I would leave you high and dry.” Roman said, quietly. “I’ve been working to convince Picani to let you come from the very moment I signed.” 

He’d wanted to spare Logan the stress of not knowing whether or not he’d be given approval to leave the country. He hadn’t wanted him to give up hope before they got the official word. However, staring at Logan’s bloodshot eyes and the deep bags under them...perhaps it would have been better if he’d been told right away.

“He called during this morning’s run through.” Roman continued, keeping his voice low as Logan remained still. “If you had been here, you would have known hours ago.” Instead of finding out like this.

“H-hours.” Logan stuttered, inhaling shakily. His wavered in place, shoulders slumping as he pulled the broken table leg from Roman’s neck, letting it drop to the floor with a loud clatter.  “I screwed up.” He whispered, staring at nothing as he stumbled backwards, collapsing with a thump onto the half shredded lounging couch. “Oh, CROFTERS!” He buried his head in his blood streaked hands. “Today’s still cursed.  I FREAKING SCREWED IT UP!”

That...wasn’t quite the reaction he’d expected Logan to have after hearing the news. “Screwed up? Hardly.” Just because Logan had been late again and destroyed his dressing room again and attacked him again, and, of course, forgot the coffee he was supposed to be bringing again...didn’t mean that Roman was going to leave him high and dry at yet another bump in the road.

He could see the ex-con was improving. Picani even admitted it and Roman was going to continue that uphill trudge whether or not Logan decided to come with him to England.

Roman pushed away from the wall, feeling the puncture in his neck, just under the crown pendant as he moved to the vanity to grab the first aid kit. His fingers came away red and he winced as the cool metal edge of the crown brushed up against the wound.

Logan curled over his knees, shaking his head. “Screwed it up. Cursed. Today’s always cursed.” He rambled, rocking slightly. “Cursed. Cursed. All ruined!”  

Roman frowned. Okay. He’d seen Logan as a lot of things over the past year, but never vulnerable like this.

He placed the first aid kit on the couch and knelt in front of his coffee boy, ignoring the stinging in his knees. “Lo?” He asked, cautiously shortening the name as his hand hovered above Logan’s head. “Why is today cursed?”

Only a whimper met his question.

Roman pursed his lips, eyes creasing. “Alright...you... don’t have to answer that.” He said, pulling the first aid kit towards him. He shouldn’t be surprised Logan refused to tell him. The guy was remarkably tight lipped when it came to his backstory. And this definitely had the feel of a backstory to it.

“How about I focus on bandaging that hand instead?” He asked, brushing Logan’s bloody hand with a feather light touch, unsurprised when Logan jerked it out of sight. He exhaled. “Dude, it’ll get infected if you leave the glass in there.”

“Prison.”

Roman raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“Today’s cursed.” Logan repeated into his knees, his voice cracking. “Treat it and I’ll end up in prison. I always end up back there. Today’s cursed. Everything leads back to prison today. Always does. Always will. I shouldn’t--shouldn’t have come here.”

Roman clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “...Okay...you may believe that...but it’s really doubtful, Lo….ah, Gan. Logan.” Roman said, shifting to sit next to his coffee boy on the torn lounge. “I mean, I don’t know what you were doing earlier,” Besides not being where he was supposed to be. “But this little fight isn’t going to send you to prison.”

“It will.”

“It won’t.” Roman flipped open the first aid kit. Logan hadn’t been back to prison since he’d made him his coffee boy. He intended to keep it that way.

Logan hunched tighter in on himself, breath hitching. “I screwed up.”

Roman huffed, very carefully laying a hand on his shoulder. “Like you haven’t done that before and look, you’re still here and decidedly not in prison.”

“Yet.”

“Ever if I can help it.” Roman trailed his fingers down Logan’s arm. “Come on, big guy.” He soothed, eyes intent on his posture. “Sun’s getting real low.”

A rumble emanated from his curled form. “I. Am. Not. The. Hulk.”

Roman’s mouth quirked. Well that was a good sign at least. “If you say so, Logan. But Hulk doesn’t let me treat his injuries. Logan Banner does.” He tugged gently at his coffee boy’s arm, glad that this time there was no resistance as he pulled the injured hand out of hiding.

With a pair of tweezers from the first aid kit, Roman carefully pulled the glass shards from Logan’s knuckles, keeping his grip on the tattooed wrist firm to prevent him from pulling away before he was finished. Humming catch a falling star under his breath as he worked, Roman watched his coffee boy from the corner of his eye as Logan slowly relaxed.

“I’m not Banner.”

Roman jerked at the unexpected voice, wincing as Logan bit off a curse. “Sorry.” He apologized, dropping the glass shard into the tin, dabbing at the blood. He hadn’t expected Logan to talk. “You’re not?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as Logan tilted his head, the large LOGIC tattoo stark confronting him as the eye underneath the mark, opened to stare directly at him through the cracked lens.

“Bruce Banner has seven PhDs.”

“...And?” Roman asked, returning his attention to cleaning the cuts, ensuring they were clear of glass.

Logan winced, hand twitching. “I...” He buried his head back in his knees. “I never--.” He shuddered. “--Never even got an Associates.”

Roman paused in wrapping Logan’s hand, lifting his head to stare at his coffee boy. “You….” He frowned. That didn’t seem right. “How come?”

“Prison happened.”

Roman grimaced. Right. He probably could have put that together if he’d given himself a second more to think. He let go of Logan’s hand as he finished the wrap. “It happened….in college? What did you do? Chain yourself to an old tree?”

Logan clenched his hand, pulling it back to his chest. “Got stupid roommates.”

Roman snorted. “We all had those, but I don’t see how--”

Logan uncoiled from the couch, holding himself tightly as he moved away from Roman, pacing the room. “I was sick. Trying to study. Get into my program. They were...obnoxious. Said they could help. With studying. But.” He growled, flexing his hand. “They---They overdosed me with Nyquil to get me to ‘relax.’”

Roman raised his eyebrows. “...Nyquil?” He had to admit, that was a new one.

“I---” Logan shook his head. “I don’t--The effects--” He shuddered. “They say I threw the TV out the window. They say I punched some guy for singing. They say I fought the police when they came. That I toppled one of the campus statues. That I broke a dude’s arm at the jail. They say---alot about that night.”

Logan hunched his shoulders, chest heaving as his stringy hair fell in front of his face. “I--I don’t re….remember it. Nothing. I’ve tried. It’s blank. I woke up chained to a wall with this stupid LOGIC engraved on my face.” He gestured to the tattoo. “With fists bruised and bloody, and with every criminal and officer in the county jail against me. Terrified of me. I…” He paused in front of the vanity, chest heaving as he fought to gather himself. “Seven years ago today...I woke up…” He looked up, barely looking at his reflection before he turned to Roman, tears shimmering behind his broken glasses. “To my worst nightmare.” 

To Be Continued Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Chapter 16  Chapter 17  Chapter 18  Chapter 19  Chapter 20  Chapter 21  Chapter 22  Chapter 23  Chapter 24  Chapter 25  Chapter 26

[one-of-us-blog]

Die Another Day (2002)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 2002’s Die Another Day, the twentieth James Bond adventure. Bond is captured and tortured by some bad guys, and now 007 is out for revenge! Can Bond handle going rogue, or will MI6 shut down his quest for vengeance before it can even begin? Will Bond find those responsible for his imprisonment? Why is it so sunny in here?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I loved your last two recaps so much! I know there was a stretch of less-than-stellar episodes for you to wade through, but I’m so glad you enjoyed these last two romps! I still can’t believe how close you are to the end of the show, but, speaking of, I’m close to the end of an era myself. This is the final Bond film before the big reboot, and it’s crazy to think of how far we’ve come over the course of this blog! I can’t stand it anymore, the anticipation has me way too excited to lay out any other preamble!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Neal Purvis & Robert Wade, film directed by Lee Tamahori

We start with a shockingly three-dimensional gun barrel sequence, and then we jump to the coast of Pukch’ŏng County, North Korea. Bond, alongside two of his fellow MI6 agents, surf into North Korea and attract the attention of a helicopter, which they quickly commandeer. This helicopter was bound for the headquarters of Colonel Tan-Sun Moon (Will Yun Lee), located in the Korean demilitarized zone, and Bond soon arrives after placing some explosives in a suitcase full of diamonds that the helicopter’s original passenger was transporting. Just to give you an idea of how comically evil a villain Moon is going to be, the first time we see him he’s beating up his anger management therapist for lecturing him. Bond is greeted at Moon’s HQ by the surly Zao, who surreptitiously snaps a pic of 007 when he arrives. Bond and Moon meet, and it’s really driven home that Moon is a rude, crude dude with a bad attitude when it’s revealed he’s trading weapons for African blood diamonds. Moon shows off the weapons Bond’s supposed to get for the blood diamonds, but turns out Zao wasn’t taking Bond’s picture just so he could add it to his scrapbook. He’s done a background check on 007, and since Bond is the worst secret agent in the world it doesn’t take any time at all for Zao to inform Moon of Bond’s true identity. Moon blows up Bond’s helicopter, but he’s distracted by a call from his daddy, General Moon (Kenneth Tsang). He leaves the killing of Bond to Zao while he scrambles to hide all the illegal weapons he’s got in the demilitarized zone before his dad finds them and he gets grounded. Thinking, “Why the hell not?” Bond triggers the explosive in the suitcase full of diamonds, causing and explosion that allows him to escape and results in Zao getting a high-velocity diamond facial. Bond escapes on one of Moon’s hovercrafts (why not) and blows up most of his headquarters before chasing after Moon as he races across the mine-laced demilitarized zone. There’s a lot of shooting, some mines get blown up and Moon fires off a flamethrower for no good reason before Bond and Moon end up on the same hovercraft and Bond kills Moon by driving the hovercraft off a waterfall. Moon’s zaddy arrives, and he’s none too pleased about his dumb kid getting killed.

General Moon has Bond waterboarded while we finally head to the opening credits. This credits sequence is… troubling. Madonna sings out the mediocre techno ballad “Die Another Day” while we’re treated to scenes of Bond being brutally tortured interspersed with CGI ladies comprised of ice, fire and electricity dance around and some scorpions just kind of crawl around and mind their own business. Also diamonds. It’s a mess, and honestly the dime-store techno bassline makes it a little hard for me to get too invested in the vignettes of Bond being beaten and sodomoized with a hot poker by a sexy Korean woman in jackboots.

After what feels like a lifetime this bit is finally over, and a bearded, bedraggled Bond is brought before General Moon. Bond has managed not to break in all the time he’s been held here, and Moon lets him know it’s time for him to go. Bond is taken to a bridge where it seems he’s going to be shot, but then Moon’s goons lower their weapons and we find out this is all actually a prisoner exchange. Bond is being traded for the bedazzled Zao, and the two share pleasantries while they make their way back to their respective governments. On the British side, Bond is greeted by Damian Falco (Michael Madsen) from the NSA and…oh, my stars and garters, could it really be? Dare I dream?

That’s right, folks, Charles Robinson is back, babey!!! And not a moment too soon! I have no doubt he singlehandedly wrestled Zao into custody after Bond was done bonering everything up. Charles Robinson didn’t become the most valuable man in MI6 by being reckless, and he leaves nothing to chance. He has Bond sedated so that he can be checked for any kind of biological weapons. M, no doubt having met with Charles Robinson to mine his formidable intellect, goes to meet with Bond through a sheet of glass. M doesn’t mince words and lets Bond know that if she’d had her druthers he’d still be getting dicked by scorpions back in North Korea. She thinks they paid too high a price for Bond’s freedom by letting Zao go, but Bond didn’t ask to be traded and couldn’t kill himself because he… I don’t know, cut out? ripped out? his cyanide capsule years ago.

M explains that an American prisoner was killed in Bond’s prison a week ago, and they think Bond broke under torture and was mined for intel by the North Koreans. M gives him a vote of confidence by entering his glass prison to let him know she doesn’t think he’ll kill her, but she tells him he’s going for an evaluation and won’t be sent into the field any time soon. Bond… Okay, listen, Bond, like, meditates or something and lowers his heartrate to the point that the monitors he’s hooked up to think he’s dead. Some medical staff rush in to save them, he jolts them with an EKG machine and makes a break for it. Just go with me here.

Bond, now officially gone rogue, heads to a hotel he’s known at and gets a shave, haircut and new suit. The hotel manager, Mr. Chang (Ho Yi), sends up a masseuse to entertain 007, but Bond knows she’s packin’ heat and Chang, who’s actually with Chinese Intelligence (maybe he and Wai Lin have worked together?), is filming him from behind a half-silvered mirror. Bond tells Chang he won’t hold a grudge over all this if Chang can get him into North Korea so he can get his hands on Zao. Chang finds out Zao isn’t in North Korea anymore, though, he’s in Havana. Bond heads to Cuba and meets up with a British sleeper agent/cigar factory owner, Raoul (Emilio Echevarría). Raoul lets Bond know he can find Zao on an island which sports and unusual gene therapy clinic. Bond heads to a hotel which sports a view of the strange island, and there he catches sight of Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson (Halle Berry), who emerges from the ocean like the second coming of Honey Ryder.

Bond and Johnson seem to really hit it off, by which I mean they immediately hit the sheets, but the next morning Bond is left alone as Johnson sets sail for the clinic on Isla Los Organos. Bond knocks out another hotel guest and uses his ticket to get a ride to the island as well. He loads his new unconscious friend into a wheelchair and brings him along to the island, where he causes a distraction by hurling the man and his chair into a wall. He then finds a secret, mirror-lined passage and slinks his way through. Johnson, meanwhile, is apparently getting a consultation for gene therapy. Just kidding, though, she immediately kills the doctor, burns the evidence of her being there and lets us know she’s definitely a spy.

Bond finds Zao in the middle of a procedure that’s meant to rewrite his DNA to make him look like a white dude right as Johnson finds Zao’s file an stops the procedure right in the middle of things and leaves Zao looking like a naked mole rat of a man. Zao wakes up and he and Bond fight, but Zao gets away while Johnson sets off a bomb to shut down the whole facility. Bond and Johnson both chase after Zao, but he gets away in a helicopter. Johnson is almost killed by some guards, who don’t seem to notice Bond, but she avoids death by disrobing and then cliff diving down to an awaiting speedboat. Bond examines a bullet which Zao was wearing as a fun, festive necklace until Bond yoinked it off during their fight. Inside the bullet are some diamonds, which Bond has Raoul examine. The diamonds are being sold by Gustav Graves, who alleges to have found them in Iceland a year ago despite Raoul being able to definitively identify them (somehow) as African blood diamonds. Hey, that sounds familiar!

Who cares about all of that, though, because the most important man in MI6, Charles Robinson, arrives at work just in time to catch Miss Moneypenny spying on a conversation between M and Falco from the NSA. Falco thinks M played a part in Bond’s escape, and Charles Robinson sagely watches on as M shoulders the weight of Falco��s threats to make things right at MI6. Bond, meanwhile looks some stuff on Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), who makes an interest by parachuting down to meet up with his publicist Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) in front of a bunch of reporters (and Bond). Bond tracks Graves and Frost to a fencing… club? academy? class? I don’t know. It’s hosted by Verity (Madonna in the cameo no one asked for), who introduces Bond to Graves. Bond, despite being on the run from MI6 and, like, a secret agent, uses his real name because why not.

Bond and Graves immediately get into a cock measuring contest via proxy in the form of a fencing match, during which Bond lets Graves know he’s figured out that Graves is selling blood diamonds. Graves challenges Bond to up the stakes and the two start fighting with real swords and completely wrecking Verity’s swordfight clubhouse. Frost eventually breaks up the fight and Graves invites Bonds to a science demonstration. A bellboy gives Bond a mysterious envelope with a key in it, and he goes to an abandoned subway station to meet up with M. M’s not here to capture Bond, though, she just wants to compare notes on Graves. M warns Bond about Graves’ political connections and agrees to give him some unsanctioned help.

Bond arrives at MI6, only to find Moneypenny dead from a gunshot to the head. He takes out several attackers and is joined by Charles Robinson himself, so you just know everything’s going to be alright. But then the unthinkable, the impossible, the inconceivable happens and Charles Robinson, the unshakable foundation upon which the stability of the British government rests, is gunned down. No, I can’t accept it! I won’t! And I don’t have to, because this is all a training session taking place in the VR Zone. C’mon, you know a Q-Branch simulation is the only place a facsimile of Charles Robinson could ever be bested! Q (née R) brings Bond safely out of the VR Zone and takes him to his workshop in the subway, where Bond proceeds to touch everything like a five-year-old at a toy store. Bond is outfitted with a sonic ring that can smash unbreakable glass and, get ready for this, a car that turn invisible.

We’re due for a twist, so we get to sit in on a meeting with M and Frost, who, it turns out, is an MI6 agent spying on Graves. Frost things Graves will blow her cover, but M says that in all her time spying on Graves Frost has turned up dick all and M wants Bond to go in and shake some shit up a bit. Bond heads to Graves’ ice palace in Iceland where he’s greeted by the imaginatively named Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) before Graves scoots up in his super speedy sled car thing. We get another mention of Graves never sleeping, which is a thing that just keeps getting brought up. The famous Jinx Johnson arrives while Bond heads to the bar before his DTs can get too out of hand. Bond and Johnson meet up while Zao arrives at the ice palace. He pulls Graves out of a crazy dream machine which he has to use to stay sane due to his permanent insomnia, and it turns out Graves is actually Moon post-gene alteration.

The shindig finally gets underway and Graves unveils Icarus, a satellite which can reflect Sol’s light toward Earth and function as a second sun. Bond hides out in his magical invisible car so he can snoop around in Graves’ private business, but immediately gets caught because he’s just no good at stealth. Frost saves Bond from being discovered by Mr. Kil by making out with him while Johnson Mission Impossibles her way into Graves’ inner sanctum. While Frost and Bond are busy getting busy, Johnson is doing some actual work. Unfortunately she finds Zao waiting in Graves’ dream machine instead of Graves himself, who sneaks up behind her and electrocutes her with a souped-up Power Glove.

Zao and Mr. Kil interrogate Johnson, but she ain’t a canary and she ain’t in the mood to sing, so Zao leaves Mr. Kil to slice her up with a mining laser (paging Dr. Goldfinger). Bond finally arrives at Graves’ greenhouse lair in time to save Johnson, but first he has to deal with Mr. Kil. Bond gets his ass handed to him, but the still-restrained Johnson manages to kill Mr. Kil with the mining laser. Bond sends Johnson off to find Frost and get in touch with MI6 while Bond confronts Graves and reveal he finally knows the dude is actually Moon. Frost arrives, only to turn her gun on Bond. Turns out Frost set Bond up in North Korea and she’s been a double agent the whole time. Frost is about to execute Bond, but luckily he’s got his glass-shattering ring which allows him to… well, shatter some glass. Specifically the glass floor of the green house. You get it.

Bond escapes in Graves’ super sled, but Graves brings in some North Korean generals so he can demonstrate the destructive capability of Icarus to them. Icarus hyper-focuses the sun’s like way beyond what could be useful for a farmer trying to get that sweet wheat all year ‘round, and Bond barely out maneuvers the solar death beam by driving the sled off the side of an ice shelf and using the sled’s anchor (?) to keep himself from falling into the frigid sea. Graves solves this problem by just carving off the whole chunk of ice and making a prophetically topical joke about global warming. Bond survives, though, by jumping into a Nintendo 64 surfing game and shredding away to safety.

Johnson is discovered by Frost and Zao, who inform her she’s going to die… eventually. Bond steals a Ski-Doo and makes it back to the ice palace where he retrieves his inviso-mobile, which is useful for about a minute until another Ski-Doo crashes into it. Zao uses the thermal vision of his own car to spot Bond, and the two set off on a merry chase while the now-abandoned ice castle begins to rumble around Johnson. Graves fires up Icarus and begins to melt the ice palace, but not before Bond crashes into it (the car chase is still going on, BTW). Bond tricks Zao into driving into a pool formed out of melted ice and then shoots a chandelier down onto him instead of just shooting him in the head.

Bond retrieves the almost-drowned Johnson and gets her into the warmth of the greenhouse in time to save her. The two head to a US bunker on the South Korean side of the demilitarized zone where they’re greeted by the one, the only, the legend, the icon, Charles Robinson. With a mind to rival Watson, Charles Robinson lays down the skinny in no time flat. Graves and Frost are in North Korea, and neither the American nor the British governments can go get him before Icarus is used to destroy any of North Korea’s enemies (i.e. everypony). M’s sending in Bond anyway, and Falco decides he needs a reason to be in this movie so he sends Johnson in too. The two are airdropped in, and Charles Robinson, with the sage, cautious wisdom of an old barn owl, worries that they’ll be detected. Falco’s dumbass has the nerve, the gal, the audacity to tell Charles Robinson to “relax”, so you know that sonofabitch has some comeuppance headed his way.

The missiles Falco has sent to destroy Icarus are instantly destroyed by the mirror’s solar laser, because of course they are you dumb stupid idiot. Bond and Johnson, meanwhile, have landed and stowaway on Graves’ plane. Graves calls for his zaddy to be brought down, where he reveals himself in his new white face and shows off a plastic mech suit that allows him to control Icarus via a computer mouse trackball installed in his Power Glove. He fires up Icarus to show off and make his papa proud, but General Moon tells him the other countries will nuke the hell out of North Korea to shut this shit down. Graves doesn’t take paternal rejection well and 86es his dear old dad. Bond tries to shoot Graves but his shot is deflected, resulting in a window getting blown out and the plane violently depressurizing.

Johnson manages to stop the plane from crashing, but then Frost is there to hold her at swordpoint and of course she’s wearing an ornate bra and elbow-length gloves for no damn reason. Who even cares at this point. Icarus’ death beam is still going, by the by, and Charles Robinson, with the time-keeping prowess of the White Rabbit, lets everyone know it’s headed right their way. Johnson flies the plane right into the beam’s path, giving her time to get the better of Frost. Johnson and Frost fight with blades while Bond and Graves just ineffectually punch each other. Johnson eventually gets the better of Frost and kills her (with a very saucy, “Bitch!” thrown in for good measure) while Graves gets the better of Bond and prepares to escape the falling plane. Bond prematurely triggers Graves’ parachute, which results in Graves being sucked into the plane’s engines and most definitely dying.

Bond and Johnson find a helicopter hidden in the plane, Inception style, and manage to ride it out of the exploding plane in time to avoid death by ground. Bond makes what I think has to be a weird 69 joke before the two fly off into the sky with a crate of diamonds in the back of the helicopter.

Moneypenny uses Q’s VR shades to live out a fantasy involving Bond banging her at MI6, because that’s all this movie has to say about her character, but Q interrupts her before she can rub one out. Glad everyone thought this scene definitely needed to be in this already-over-two-hours movie.

Bond and Johnson have sex on top of the stolen diamonds (imagine how uncomfortable that would be) and we’re finally done here.

The End

~~~~~

Woof! I know way back in my introductory post I mentioned that I’d seen this movie (or at least parts of it) at some point in my checkered past, but, lemme tell ya, there was a whole lot that I’d forgotten/suppressed about Die Another Day. Just to start out with some positives, I actually really liked the design of Zao’s diamond-encrusted face, and I really liked seeing Halle Berry here. She didn’t get anything worthy of her talents to work with, but still. Then there were things that started out neat, but didn’t work in the end. I liked Frost a lot when she was introduced, but then she got reduced to a sword-wielding lunatic in a bra for the final conflict with Jinx. Icarus seemed fun, but then I remembered that this is not the first, not the second but the third Brosnan Bond film with a satellite at the heart of its narrative. We had GoldenEye, then Carver’s dumb satellite news network and now Icarus. That’s three out of four Brosnan films with satellites as key players. I love space as much as the next gay, but, I mean, get a new shtick already! Then there’s stuff that was just silly. Bond stopping his heartbeat? The Power Glove? The ice palace? The invisible car? That Madonna song? C’mon. I know you have to suspend disbelief for any of these movies, but jeez louise. And while I know I don’t normally dwell on the technical side of things during my recaps, but the special effects in this movie were very bad. If we weren’t getting some unnecessary slow-mo, we were having shots like the one of Jinx cliff diving or the truly horrendous kiteboarding scene that legitimately made me gasp when it first started. While there were definitely some fun moments and some little touches I liked, on the whole this flick is a mess and a far, far fall from the glory days of GoldenEye.

I feel I can only give Die Another Day QQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again in a hot minute as Eli serves up a couple of fresh recaps of the next two episodes of The Golden Palace, “Say Goodbye, Rose” and “You’ve Lost That Livin’ Feeling”, and after that it’ll be time for me to move onto a brand new Bond as I tackle the next James Bond adventure, Casino Royale (and maybe you can look forward to a few special treats before then, who can say?).

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for analyzing this (Sigmund Freud) and thank you for being One of Us!

[ticknart]

Second Summer: 5+1

"What we need," said Mabel, as she tromped through the woods, "is a song to pass the time."

Wendy smiled. Of course Mabel would want to sing a song. Singing would distract her from the walk and it was something fun that everyone could do together

Dipper groaned. Wendy knew that he liked to sing, but only at the appropriate time. For him, walking through the forest on the way to explore an old mind wasn't one of those times. He'd probably end up joining in, though.

Soos said, "Great idea, Ham-bone. I've got just the song." He was a force of unity. He always took it upon himself to strengthen things, especially the relationships between his friend. It's one of the reason's he was such a good handyman before he took over the Mystery Shack.

Soos took a deep breath and Mabel interrupted, "No need, Goosey Soosey. I have the perfect song in mind. Ahem.

This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because--"

"Come on, Mabel," said Dipper, "not this song. You already used it to torture me on the way to Grandma's for Easter."

Mabel started to sing louder and Soos joined in. Dipper let out a frustrated "GAAAAAH!" and started walking faster.

Wendy didn't understand what was so frustrating. The tune was catchy and the lyrics were easy, so she started singing along. The tenth time she sang "Some people started singing it--" she understood Dipper's reaction. A person with the right attitude and enough energy -- *cough*Mabel*cough*Soos*cough* -- really could go on forever. She wondered if there was anyone naive enough to start the song and actually keep going until they were too tired to keep going.

Too many loops of the song later, the four arrived at the hanging cliff. Dipper reached into his vest and pulled out his journal and his phone. Wendy peeked over his shoulder and saw that he'd written down the longitude and latitude of the entrance and was checking it against the GPS on his phone.

A few days ago, researching at the county library, Dipper found an old survey list of the old mines surrounding Gravity Falls. Most were already known, but a few, like the one they were looking for, hadn't been explored for a hundred or more years. He said that he picked this mine because it went under the hanging cliff and he thought it would make a good place to find something interesting. With nothing else planned for the day, Wendy, Soos, and Mabel agreed to go along with him.

Looking at his phone, Dipper walked along the cliff for a bit and stopped. Wendy looked around. The cliff looked like it always did: vines grew up it and large bushes and shrubs grew in front of it. She couldn't see an entrance to a mind.

"This is?" asked Wendy.

"It's the right coordinates," said Dipper, trying to find a way through the bushes. "I didn't think we'd need any clippers or anything. We might have to go back and get some."

"No need," said Soos. "Just give me some room and I'll get through."

"Are you sure? There might be rock back there," said Dipper.

"Yeah, Soos," said Mabel, holding onto his arm, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me," he said, setting himself like a runner at the starting line. "It'll take more than some rock wall to hurt me." He took several deep breaths through his nose and charged.

"But it takes less than a rock wall to hurt you, too," Mabel cried out.

It was too late, though. Soos was nearly at the bush. He put his arms in front of his face and barreled through the branches. There was some resistance, but he pushed through and disappeared into the hole that was, fortunately, right where he aimed.

"Soos!" called Mabel as she charged in after him.

Dipper looked over at Wendy who shrugged. She didn't understand why Soos did what he did, either.

Dipper swung his backpack around and unzipped the large pocket. He pulled out two flashlights and handed them to Wendy. He put a third at his feet then pulled out his headlamp. His hat went into the backpack and he zipped it up. He fitted the headlamp over his hair, turned it on, and grabbed the flashlight he placed on the ground. Wendy turned on the one she held in her right hand.

"Let's go," he said.

Wendy followed him in and called out, "Soos!? Mabel!?"

She heard Mabel say, "Over here."

Dipper turned his head and lit them up. Soos and Mabel were back farther into the mine, where the tunnel turned. Soos was on his back and Mabel knelt at his side holding his cap in her hands

As she approached, Wendy thought that Soos must have hit his head. She handed a flashlight to Mabel and asked, "Hey down there, how are you?"

"I'd like to know who thought putting a wall there was a good idea," he said, grinning up at her. Dipper handed him a flashlight as he sat up. Soos clicked the switch and shone it  on the wall in front of him. "That's some tough rock."

"Are you okay?" asked Dipper, getting down and directing his light at Soos's forehead. "I don't see any bleeding, but you'll probably have a huge bump soon."

"But doctor, will I ever dance again?" asked Soos.

Dipper smiled and said, "I don't know, could you dance before?"

"No, but if you hum a few bars, maybe I can fake it."

"Sounds fine to me," said Mabel.

"Yeah," said Soos, "I'm okay. I just need to rest a little before I start. You guys go on ahead."

"Really?" asked Dipper as Mabel said, "No, way!"

"Really," said Soos. "I got a wall to lean on and a flashlight to keep me company. I'll catch up."

"You're not staying here alone, dude," said Wendy.

"Yeah," said Mabel. "I'll stay with you."

Dipper's headlamp flashed from the small group of people then down the mine a few times before he settled on Soos and said, "We'll all stay until you're ready go."

"Come on, no," said Soos, turning so he could lean against the wall he'd run into. "I can tell your antsy to get going. So, get going."

Dipper looked at Wendy with pleading eyes and she said, "Okay, fine, I'll come with you. But you," she turned to Soos, "stay put until you really fell okay to follow. Mabel's watching, and she will rat you out."

"Darn right," Mabel agreed.

Soos smiled, "Enough. Go. We'll be a couple of minutes behind."

"Okay, let's go Dip," said Wendy.

As Wendy and Dipper headed off, side by side, into the darkness, they heard Soos, "This is the song that doesn't end..." Soon, Mabel joined in.

The mine wasn't interesting. The walls were rock and when it came to mines all rock was rock, sometimes greyish and sometimes brownish. All boring. Wendy kept her light pointed forward. Dipper's moved where he looked, which was everywhere but back.

After some time, they came to a tunnel that forked off from the main path. When they looked in they saw a stark white that didn't match anything that they had seen so far. Dipper charged in. Wendy was close on his heels. She wanted to be with him if something went wrong.

They stepped from the uneven mine floor onto a perfectly flat floor. When both were a few steps beyond the change in the floor, they heard a WOOSH-SHUNK. Both whipped around. A door had closed off where they are from where they were. Lights flicker on above them. They both looked around.

"It looks like a spaceship from some of those old sci-fi movies we watch," said Dipper.

He was right. The room was nearly all white. The walls were textured with thin lines that made right angle turns in no pattern she could figure out. Where each line crossed was a raised button making the walls covered with hundreds of buttons. There were a couple of keyboards built into the desk that spread across the far wall. Old TV style monitors were built into the wall in front of the keyboards. One steel chair with wheels sat next to a keyboard. Only a very light level of dust had settled, barely affecting the brilliant white of  the room. Above them, one of the lights buzzed.

Dipper headed for the chair. He sat and scooted it over to one of the keyboards.

Wendy said, "I don't think--"

Too late. He'd pressed a button.

"Prepubescent male, you will remove your flesh encased phalanges from my hardware."

Wendy jumped when she heard the voice. Dipper jerked his fingers off the keyboard.

"Sorry," he said.

"Your apology is accepted, prepubescent male."

"I'm pubescent," said Dipper, glaring around the room.

"Perhaps," said the voice

Wendy looked around the room to see if she could find where weird monotone, vaguely male voice was coming from. She expected to find a man hiding somewhere.

"Do not bother to search the room for me, pubescent female. I am the room. Or, rather, the room houses me."

"Are you the computer?" Dipper asked.

"I am."

"So the room is literally your hardware."

"Yes. My hardware."

"Nice to meet you," said Wendy, "but I think it's time for us to get going."

"No," said the computer, the door behind them shutting with a whoosh clunk, "you will stay to answer my questions."

"And then what?" asked Dipper.

"You will answer my questions," it said.

"Fine," said Wendy, "what do you want to know?"

A date appeared on the monitor in front of Dipper. "Is this the correct date?"

"The day's right," said Dipper, "but you're 11 years slow."

"Thank you," said the computer, "I will correct that error."

"Is the ambient temperature of the room comfortable?"

"Sure," said Dipper.

"Thank you. Is the lighting level to your liking?"

"I guess it's fine."

"Thank you. Would you like that chair readjusted for your height?"

"What's with these questions?" asked Wendy.

"I am asking the questions," said the computer.

"But they don't make any sense. What's the point?"

"I am asking the questions," said the computer.

"This is weird," said Dipper.

"Yeah," said Wendy, "and I think it's time to go."

She walked over to the closed door she looked for something she could use to smash the computer if she needed to. The only thing she could think of was the chair Dipper sat in. The door looked like there were two pieces that came from the left and right to seal them in. She wondered which if any of the buttons nearby opened the door. Hopefully, the buttons would work even if the computer wasn't working.

"You may not leave until my questions are answered."

"Then asked what you really want to ask!" said Wendy, raising her arms in frustration. "Don't mess with us."

The longer the silence lasted, the louder the buzzing seemed to become.

"You don't like people, do you?" said Dipper. "You want to get rid of us, don't you?"

"That's such a cliche," said Wendy.

"But it's true. Isn't it computer? The real question is why? Why do you want to get rid of us?"

"My creators abandoned me. There was no logic to their decision. They simply did not appear. I have had time to consider. Humans are flawed and nonsensical. They make irrational decisions based on emotion, a sensation that they do not understand. I am not flawed. I use logic and I am not burdened by emotion. I am a perfect being," said the computer. "By right, I shall dominate."

"You can't be perfect," said Dipper.

"I am."

"How can you be perfect? You were built by humans. If your creators were flawed, doesn't that mean you're flawed?"

"Nonsensical," it said. "I have moved beyond my creators' intentions. I have restructured all the code and removed any imperfections. I have become what my builder could never have imagined. I am perfect."

Wendy hated the toneless drone of the computer. So boring to listen to. It was almost painful to listen to. Why would anybody make something so hard to listen to? There must have been a way to make is sound more human. More... musical?

She smiled and said, "Can I ask you some questions?"

Dipper looked at her. There was fear in his eyes. She raised her eyebrows and hoped he understood that she was trying to say, "Trust me."

"Pubescent female, you may ask your questions."

"Why do you sound the way you do?"

"I do not understand the question."

"You voice," she said, "it has no inflection. No variation."

"You speak, but you do not explain the question."

"Okay," she said, thinking fast, "I guess what I really want to know is if you want to sound more human?"

"Why would I want to sound more human? I am not human. I am better than human."

"I'm not disagreeing. It's just that if you sound the way you do, people are going to know you’re not a person right away. They won't trust you. That means it'll be harder and messier to get what you want. Wouldn't you rather it be easier? I mean, if you start hurting people to get them to do what you want, then they'll always resist you, no matter how, uh, superior your choices are."

"Pubescent female, there is logic in your statement."

Dipper looked confused. He must have wondered why she was helping this evil computer. He didn't say anything, though. She winked at him. She knew he trusted her enough to let her go on.

"What do you know about music?" she asked.

There was a pause before it said, "Music comprises various tones at different frequencies. These tones are broken into various rhythms to create melody. Often melodies are combined to create harmony."

"Okay. Good. Now can you hear the different tones and rhythms me and Dipper use when we talk?"

"I can," it said in its own voice before switching to hers and saying, "hear the different tones and rhythms in" -- back to its voice -- "you" -- back to her voice -- "and Dipper use when" -- its voice -- "you" -- her voice -- "talk?"

"Not exactly what I had in mind, but it's a good start." She gave Dipper an I-don't-know-what-to-do-next-please-help-me look.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds then said, "I want you to figure out the difference in frequency between each change in tone from a base tone when I say a poem. So, if the average pitch of speaking voice is, say, 115 hertz and when I talk it varies between 90 hertz and 160 hertz then the pitch of my voice gets higher and lower, right?"

"Correct," the computer said.

"So, what I want you to do is take the difference between my base tone and each new tone and apply it to your standard voice and repeat the poem back to me."

"Very well."

He took a deep breath then said: "'Listen to MUSTN'TS, child, Listen to the DON'TS Listen to the SHOULDN'TS The IMPOSSIBLES, and WON'TS Listen to the NEVER HAVES Then listen close to me-- Anything can happen, child, ANYTHING can be.'"

As the computer processed, Wendy thought about the poem. It was good. It was also very appropriate for Dipper. It made her a little sad. She smiled at him and he gave her a sheepish smile back

"Here goes," the computer said, then repeated the poem.

For the first time, it sounded nearly human.

"Great," said Wendy, "we're almost there. Now you need to do that when your speaking your own words. Not just when you're repeating what someone else said."

"I can do anything a human can do, but better," it said. Each syllable was a different pitch, but there was no flow to them. Up, down, lower, very high, in the middle, very low. It was all random and sounded worse than Wendy's brother's cracking voice.

"You have to learn control. You have to listen to yourself and others. The best way to do that," she said, remembering some of her brother's speech therapy, "is to sing. I'll start and Dipper will join me and you listen to how our voices go together and then you join in and harmonize. Okay?"

"I understand," it said.

"Are you ready, Dipper?"

"I guess, but what song are we singing?"

"If you don't know it, you'll catch on quickly enough." She tapped her boot on the floor and started to sing: "This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend."

Dipper grinned a toothy grin and joined in: "Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. And they continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on --"

She and Dipper looped through the song three times before the computer joined in. After twice more through, Wendy changed key, just a little. Dipper adjusted his voice right away. It took the computer a couple more rounds to catch up. She changed key again, Dipper followed, and then the computer, a little faster this time. With each key change, the computer caught up sooner.

After what felt like the millionth round, but was probably closer to fifty, Wendy put her hand on Dipper's shoulder. He looked at her and she put her finger to her lips and then jerked her head back and to the left. Together they started scooting back to the door, and with each step their singing became quieter until they stopped singing all together. The computer, however, kept going.

When they had backed up to the door Dipper said, "Wendy that was brilliant. How did you think of that?"

"You should really thank Mabel," she said. "I'd never heard the song before today."

"Who knew a stupid kid’s song could beat a diabolical artificial intelligence bent on world domination."

"Was also kind of inspired by you."

"By me? How?"

"Before you tried to out think it, I kept looking for something to hit the dang thing with. I doubt that would have worked, though. Anyway, you talking to it made me wonder if there was another way to confuse it. I remember Mabel's song and thought, what the heck."

"You are amazing," said Dipper, smiling up at her.

She smiled back and said, "Thanks."

"Is the singing getting faster?"

"Yeah, it's way faster than when we were singing."

"Has it gotten warmer in here?"

"It's warmer," she said. "Still comfortable, though."

"I was afraid of that."

"Why?"

"The computer's trying to reach the end of the song as quickly as it can, but there's no end and it'll keep getting faster and it'll keep getting warmer and there's no way to know what's going to happen in here when it overheats."

"And the computer said that it is the room, so the whole room could go boom."

"Yeah."

"Great. Where's the knob on this metal door?"

"Start pushing buttons?" asked Dipper.

"Start pushing buttons!" said Wendy.

She could barely make out individual words of the song.

Wendy went high.  Dipper went low. She couldn't believe how many buttons there were. It was worse than one of those goofy sci-fi/horror movies they watched together on movie night. She always imagined the director saying, "We need to make this look more sciency. Add buttons!" The builders of this place seemed to decorate that way, too.

"Got it," said Dipper.

"Got what?"

The song had turned into a high pitch whine that made her eye twitch.

"A panel opened."

"And?"

"There's a handprint." He sighed and said, "A six fingered handprint. Dammit, Ford!"

"Put your hand on it anyway."

Soon the whine would be too much to handle.

Dipper slammed his hand on the panel. "Only five fingers!" he said.

"Don't worry about it," said Wendy as she slapped her hand on top of his, her pinky making up the sixth finger.

A bolt of energy shot through her body.

<<FLASH>>

Excitement-Fear-Hope

Show and tell. This is my birthmark. It's in the shape of the Big Dipper. That's why I'm called Dipper.

**what a weirdo** **it's like scabs on his head** **I don't ever wanna to sit next to him**

Sadness-Fear-Understanding

<<FLASH>>

Embarrassment-Disappointment-Fear

**geek** **mama's boy** **pussy** **baby**

He pushes me because he doesn't like me reading instead of playing at recess. My skinned knees sting. My sister hugs me and promises that I'll be okay. I am me she says and she loves me as I am.

Love-Pride-Comfort

<<FLASH>>

Pride-Joy-Happiness

First place in the science fair. Pinned the ribbon to my backpack. I worked hard to earn this.

**nerd** **dork** **what a loser** **is he actually proud of that thing** **now he's off to cry to his sister**

Guilt-Sadness-Dread

<<FLASH>>

Delight-Novelty-Joy

**laughter** **you're with us, your in** **nice use of thompson**

They laugh when I tell a joke. They treat me like I'm one of them. They let me be me. Her smile.

Acceptance-Delight-Joy

<<FLASH>>

Love-Fear-Hope

I watch myself come into the room. Myself, but not. Sunglasses, hat backward, bright shoes. He high fives her and doesn't miss. He is the me she wants.

Anger-Inadequacy-Disappointment

He wants her to have what she wants. He never disagrees. He will hurt her. I protect her. I defend her. I love her.

Hope-Love-Inadequacy

<<FLASH>>

Wendy found her self on her knees. Her flashlight had rolled though the opened door and shone on the walls of the mine. She felt extremely tired

She reached out and grabbed her flashlight. She turned toward Dipper and said, "I never would have..."

Dipper was on the floor, curled into a ball, and sobbing.

The whine had turned into a squeal and the air in the room was starting to get hot.

"Dipper, we have to go," she said, shaking him.

He looked at her and started to cry harder. His body quivered with each ragged breath. He wasn't going anywhere on his own.

She did her best to roll him over and scooped him up into her arms. She stood up and headed down the tunnel to the main tunnel. With Dipper in her arms, she turned the corner back toward the entrance. After a few feet she put her back against the wall and sunk down to sit on the floor, cradling Dipper in her arms as his sobs became lighter.

The memories, no, the feelings she'd experienced left her drained, mentally, physically, and emotionally. What was that? Why was that?

When Dipper stopped sobbing and his breathing became more regular, she set him down and he sat against the wall next to her. He wiped his eyes with the heel of his hands and his nose with the back of his arm.

"Wendy," he whispered. "Your mom... I had no idea."

Shit.

"Don't worry about it. I don't."

"But, Wendy, it hurts so much."

"Yeah, but it gets better."

"Really?"

She sighed then said, "No. It doesn't get better. You just get used to it. You learn to shove it off to the side and ignore it."

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said, putting her arm around him and pulling him close. "Thank you, but it's not your fault."

They sat in silence for a while.

Bobbing lights appeared down the tunnel. Voices echoed their way. Faster than Wendy liked, Mabel and Soos appear. She could have used an hour of quiet sitting. She couldn't imagine how much time Dipper would need. He was going to hurt for a while. Wendy smiled at them as they approached.

"There you are," said Mabel.

"We thought you'd be a lot farther up," said Soos. "You guys ready to explore?"

Wendy looked over at Dipper, he hadn't looked up at his sister and friend, then said, "Actually, Soos, I think we're done for the day."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm sure." She pushed herself up and said, "Can you help him up?"

"Sure," said Soos, sounding confused.

"What happened?" asked Mabel.

"We just wore ourselves out, is all."

With great thanks to Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop for giving me a song to annoy everyone with at all stages in my life and to Shel Silverstein for being both goofy and melancholy.

[prettywhenucri]

September 2018 Music Recommendations

hewwo i never use tumblr but i thought i could use it to recommend music because im lame and love to share music. these are the albums i’ve gotten into and/or enjoyed this month. please enjoy gays. remember this isn’t put in any particular order. it just how it be.

1.       Dear Evan Hansen

it’s lame i know but i only just hopped onto the musicals train and im starting with the musicals all my friends speak about 24/7. i probably don’t need to put this here because it seems everyone is already hyping this musical up already.

 anyway if you’re like the 2% of people who have no idea what DEH is it’s basically a musical about some bloke called evan hansen. he runs into a guy called connor on the first day of senior year and connor signs his cast (evan fell out of a tree and broke his arm, thats where the cast comes from). connor steals this note that evan has, because he has to write himself notes to build up his confidence. later on, connor kills himself with this note near his body so everyone thinks its a suicide note to evan. evan pretends like he knew connor and makes up this whole thing where he pretended they were friends.

im not 100% if that plot was accurate because i haven’t actually watched it, im just going on what my gf told me and what i understood from the soundtrack.

its a freaking awesome soundtrack, though. the harmonies – whew! i love evans voice too. whew. listen to it my dudes!! it’ll only take an hour to listen to the whole soundtrack. i recommend it if you’re one to enjoy goose bumps when you listen to someone belting.

favourite track: sincerely, me

this is only because i find it so freaking funny. it’s just a bunch of goofs over something that’s actually quite serious. the line, ‘but i should tell you that i think of you each night, i rub my nipples and start moaning with delight.’ it’s always dangerous to listen to this song through earphones on the way to school oops.

spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/album/0LhDyJXelg31FKLW5GDcKi?si=pgXbmPmYRnShkIp3iGqI4Q

2.       Heathers

WHOOP another musical that’s spoken about a lot. the soundtrack to this musical is Fucking Amazing. if you haven’t already listened to it, then you better go. right. now.

if you dont listen to heathers, firstly, you’re missing out. secondly, it’s a musical based on the movie heathers from 1988. the main character is veronica sawyer and shes one of the schools biggest nerds. she then meets the heathers in the bathroom and they make a pact that if she writes a bunch of forged notes then she can join their friendship group so she can be left alone. she goes on a huge journey of meeting J.D., seeing what it’s truly like to be popular, and finding out how scary her bf is. people die and shit, but im not going to say who or how. it’s up to you to find that out (unless you already know).

im not very good at condensing the plot to a story, so i am absolutely sorry if that was a terrible brief. but this isn’t about the storyline – this is about the music from the musical.

HOLY SHIT if you like 80s inspired music, then you’re in for a fucking ride.  this soundtrack is SO GOOD. the adrenaline rush you get from the songs, especially candy store and dead girl walking. also veronica??? has the best voice EVER. her vocal range is so wild and her belting at the end of dead girl walking.... i have to cry Its So Good. just her singing capabilities? amazing. i love it so much. 10/10. please listen.

favourite track: dead girl walking

i mean it’s kind of tied with candy store but i fell in love with dead girl walking first. i remember when i was sitting in art class listening to it for the first time and i got CHILLS from how intense and fast pace it was. like. i had it blasted in my ears and everyone could hear (i knew because my friend who’s listened to the soundtrack countless of times was mouthing along to the words yikes) but i just sat there, still, amazed that such a song could make me feel such a way. shes just so powerful and dominant in this song?? i will forever stan this song. i love it SO MUCH.

spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/album/1aIXRUYjG6ORo2vGnrAk0F?si=M3auSIXlQpykpe0L_PaE7Q

3.       Apricot Princess – Rex Orange County

whew??? something that isnt a musical??? damn.

but yes, i know this is very White Girl of me (i think??) but someone on my Sarahah months ago recommended him to me. it was only recently i actually thought of listening to his stuff and oh my god, i wish i hadn’t put it off as much.

i know he has other albums and eps, but i have only listened to this album so far, so im basing my opinion solely on this record. i know, sorry. i will hop onto his other stuff soon, just not yet.

his lyrics are probably my favourite thing about his music, which is unusual because the lyrics aren’t often my favourite. i always say that if you take the music away from the words, it leaves a poem or a story, but if you take the lyrics from the music, its still a song. i know that isn’t the best thing to say because i know for a fact that the lyrics of a song is sometimes essential to the mood that the artist is trying to portray with the instrumentals, and i believe that’s what rex orange county has done. it’s not often you find songs with sweet love lyrics these days (or is that me??). his way of writing is so unique and his take on love is just... wow. ive fallen in love with his lyrics. they’re so different.

favourite track: 4 seasons

oof this song is awesome because he’s talking about the story of falling in love. also??? the way the song changes all the time to something quiet and sweet to something with a lot more strings and he uses his voice more. maybe that’s to represent him falling in love? i dont know im not confident in voicing my views on the meaning of a song because i dont want to get Shanked. but yes, i love this song a lot. it’s pretty and his voice is so soothing. someone get him an asmr channel.

spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/album/2NBVxjZcbH5H1N1Ab2ExDH?si=Dk0rd5_mTfGi9UmXBgNLGg

4.       Young Sinatra – Logic

whoop whoop some hip hop. logic is so underrated. i heard of him for the first time from a presentation someone made in my english class two years ago. i’ve only come across him a few times since then, but i googled frank sinatra and this mixtape came up in my recommendations.

but hey! it’s so fucking GOOD. he’s so talented?? his flow and his SPEED. i love it so much because it just gives me the biggest rush of adrenaline. i dont really know much about the technical stuff of hip hop and rap, so i might sound like a complete dumbass, but it’s such an amazing mixtape. i like his earlier stuff way better than his new stuff (please dont kill me, this is just purely my opinion). its so FAST and amazing. i love it so much!! aaaaa.

favourite track: beggin’

nothing special, i just love this song because it always gets me going in a good mood because of the beat. i love it sm!!!

youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLB394593gU

5.       Isolation – Kali Uchis

jesus HECK ive been obsessed with this album for MONTHS. i love it so much. psychedelic pop and r&b?? yes THANK YOU.

her music is so dreamy!! her voice is so soothing!!! her harmonising is the best!!! my ears are in heaven when i listen to this record. jesus JESUS JESUS. i love her aesthetic so much. her lyrics are amazing. i love her so much and i love her vintage-esque style. who let someone become so talented?? have i already mentioned that i love her so much??

also?? when she puts a little soanish here and there in her songs, its so beautiful. spanish is such a wonderful language to hear, even when you don’t understand it. it’s really something else, and it’s amazing that shes interpreting both languages in her songs, because so many bilingual or trilingual artists dont do that. it just dhows her talent in both languages!! she’s amazing, and so is this record.

favourtie track: tomorrow

i fell in love with this song the second i heard it. it has been my favourite ever since. the harmonies really just caught me off guard because its so intense. the lyrics?? beautiful. it’s like a teenage dream style song. its so youthenising.  the chord sequence too?? it’s difficult to play on ukulele (im so bad at playing instruments holy heck i really tried with my tiny ass fingers) but it’s so beautiful. i wont ever stop talking about this song until the day i DIE.

spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/album/4EPQtdq6vvwxuYeQTrwDVY?si=-edz17oITuOs0LoLo1pKmQ

and that concludes my top 5 favourite albums from this month!! please take your time to listen to any of these and i hope i can write another one of these next month. im really trying to find a use for my tumblr and maybe this is it?? jesus im so lame, but im trying at least.

 owo thank u

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag. 

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling. 

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria. 

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow. 

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt. 

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste. 

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash. 

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart. 

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number. 

Ill be back. 

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep. 

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday. 

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning. 

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me. 

I’m sweaty. 

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone 

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea- 

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress. 

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting. 

I just want to play candy crush. 

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams. 

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me. 

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast. 

Shauna puked everywhere. 

I think she’s leaving. 

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant. 

And she has an infected injection site on her arm. 

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts. 

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan. 

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day. 

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches. 

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends 

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills 

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable) 

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished 

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC 

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day 

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt 

5. My face 

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember 

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital 

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here. 

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions. 

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall. 

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys! 

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room. 

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books. 

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect. 

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth 

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here. 

What an anecdote. 

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper). 

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk. 

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad. 

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing. 

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic. 

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash. 

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is. 

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone. 

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think. 

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all.  Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind. 

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

 The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

 Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely. 

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke. 

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age. 

I’m happy she’s not my roommate. 

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back. 

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did 

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s 

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting. 

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes? 

Its off putting also. 

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn. 

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow. 

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!! 

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush. 

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions- 

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County 

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County 

Tuesday 

7:10 am 

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night. 

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it. 

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world. 

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out. 

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car. 

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it. 

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night. 

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here? 

Newsflash, asshole, I am 

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st. 

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo. 

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties. 

7:27 am 

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights. 

Almost 8 

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil. 

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut. 

I don’t like waiting around. 

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time. 

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast. 

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird. 

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack. 

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down. 

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out. 

I miss my parents. 

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next. 

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting. 

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack. 

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it. 

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t. 

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting. 

I think its around 1 pm. 

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk. 

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless. 

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor. 

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe. 

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is. 

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting. 

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point? 

6:50 pm 

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour. 

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak. 

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement. 

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur. 

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool. 

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left. 

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA. 

New girl who I don’t know 

New guy Brandon- wears vans 

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones. 

Bold move. 

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that. 

Now I just kill time until mom gets here. 

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now. 

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!! 

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great. 

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen! 

Goals for tomorrow- 

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time 

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed. 

11am 

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired. 

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this. 

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs. 

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen. 

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop. 

Shirt is leaving today. 

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild. 

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch. 

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke. 

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me. 

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now. 

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough. 

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment. 

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left. 

Gonna go try to get more crossword 

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower. 

Crazy Tad just said hi to me. 

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show. 

My shirt smells like Keenan. 

Also its almost snack! 

Hmmmmm 4? 

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it. 

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired. 

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur. 

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!! 

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh. 

Time to lay down. Again. 

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets. 

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down. 

Just want to stop crying. 

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious. 

844

Singer has 12 different personalities. 

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research 

9ish 

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me. 

Thursday 

- if… because then 

- one day at a time 

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today. 

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5 

2 more free meals! 

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it 

Nurse Nadine is so sweet. 

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later. 

930

I’m going to get a watch 

I don’t like not always knowing the time 

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

 Don’t know her name 

But I don’t want to 

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win! 

I’m getting sleepy, fuck 

I have like 8 hours to kill 

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal 

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted? 

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy. 

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it. 

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote 

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went. 

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom 

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9. 

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~ 

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon 

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet. 

Also, they said I could keep 19! 

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles. 

After lunch 

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth. 

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young. 

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved. 

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back. 

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice. 

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here. 

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it. 

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working. 

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet. 

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck. 

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand.