#watch me try and cheat my way into first year latin so i can have him again

[studywurfavwasian]

My professor is unintentionally hilarious so I started keeping a list of things he’s said.

My entire department at my school is just filled with hilarious and genuinely kind professors. I am so lucky to have them teaching me a subject that I thoroughly love and enjoy so deeply, as they are so passionate and so dedicated to encouraging academic and personal growth. Not to mention they love a good rant. My friend and I literally plan our schedules around which prof is teaching the course bc we just love some of them so much. 

(This is how we ended up both enrolling for a course about Greek & Roman science & technology, where we may have to write a 2000 word essay about olives. But yk, the olive was so important to Ancient Greek society, and I love olives, so it’s fine.)

But there is this one professor who stands out from the others. For some background information, this professor was one of my first professors at my university. In my first year, he taught me three courses (Latin & Classical Mythology), and I did a Latin reading group session with him, and I had my Greek Literature course with him (so I’ve spent a lot of time studying with him). Studying Latin can be so intimidating (for good reason, the case system is absolutely overwhelming when you first start learning it), but he created such a positive environment that I ended up being able to fall in love with Latin.

This professor is not always the most...organised (he left answers in our online tests by accident at least twice), and just goes on various tangents that take up most of our lecture time. (Although, I think this trait is common in the humanities. Literally look at what I’m doing right now). He likes to go on and on about literature and Hebrew and his years in grad school where he spent hours pouring over translating Plato or Aristotle or Gorgias. I personally find this entertaining and love learning from his little tangents. Plus sometimes he says some pretty funny things. Which I will now share a selection of with you.

**For Legal Reasons (ha), take the quotation marks with a grain of salt.**

“Conserve me sounds like you’re an autumn peach waiting to be put in a jar!”

(Context: we were translating the sentence: ‘Conservate me!’ which does directly translate to ‘conserve me!’ but ‘protect me!’ is just sooooo much better.)

“I suck.” *ends the Bongo meeting*

“Did I do something stupid? I do that a lot.”

*someone asks a question* “Oh, I don’t know.”

“Sometimes I get worried that nobody can hear me, so I have to ask.” *Five minutes after nobody could hear him and he didn’t ask*

“I was driving yesterday and I saw a vanity plate, in Latin! Latin is everywhere!”

“It was all leading up to this very high point of learning Latin!”

“Is anyone listening?” *No response* “Okay.”

“This is my cat Mango” (during online classes)

*Late for a lecture and Mango jumps up on his desk* …. “oh, mango!” *exasperation*

“Does everyone get that?” *No response* “Okay.”

“I get tired of hearing myself talk.”

“There’s a problem with calling it Archaic poetry. But, I’ve called it Archaic poetry.”

“How can class be over just when we’re going to talk about Socratic Irony?” *ducks head in sadness* “I’m just going to go outside and lie down” (it was raining) “…. okay class is over. Mark this as the most pathetic class you’ve taken at [redacted].”

(Context: he showed up ten minutes late and the lecture was very disorganised (I think he did a good job!))

*Begins gesturing to the blank title slide of his powerpoint* “Notice the nice ancient map I have with ocean all the way around, and then all the continents with a nice short kind of Africa, and everything kind of roundish, smushed together, with the Mediterranean (Old world) oversized, Black Sea oversized, and everything stylized once you get out to the East.”

“Some colonial asshole probably, who lived a really dull life and wanted to oppress people.

(I can’t even remember what lecture this was from. I’m thinking it’s our geographical literature lecture. And he’s right lol.)

“Don’t tell the bartender that you’re there for the Inklings, he won’t care. It’s not like I did that or anything.” (Talking about the Eagle and Child pub)

“Scholars are fairly certain there was no access to google at this time.” (Talking about the year 280 AD)

*Everyone in the class agreed that we hate Plato.* Someone says: “I have beef with Plato!” He laughs and just dejectedly says, “aw. I love Plato.”

“A hoplite was kind of like the middle class who could afford heavy armo-- actually, you know what, we don’t need to talk about that.” *moves on and doesn’t finish his sentence*

Some other things he has done that I think are wonderful:

When we were studying Herodotus’ Histories he told us about how when he was in grad school, he used to read Herodotus to his daughter as a bed time story. It got to the point where she would ask for a Herodotus story.

Came into class, took out his laptop, wrote a website URL on the chalkboard, turned around, told us we had to go to that link and fill out a survey and then walked out of the room with all his stuff and didn’t come back for fifteen minutes.

Always had at least one typo in all his pop quizzes. On our quiz for Poetics he wrote ‘Aristotle’ as ‘ARistotle’ and my friend and I looked at each other and made pirate hooks with our fingers.

Hosted a Latin reading group in the summer and gave the people who had been studying latin for less than a year the Vulgate and Ovid’s Metamorphoses. (I gave up so quickly). But went on a ten minute ramble about the word ‘fiat’ and the subjunctive mood (which helped me a lot in second year).

While studying the Vulgate he went on a mini rant about St. Jerome and talked about his authorship when it came to his Latin translation, which spiralled into a 10 minute discussion about Hebrew and his frustrations with it.

Our pop quizzes were 5 multiple choice questions and we finished them before he finished handing them out, only for him to be shocked each time.

Agreed that the Greek Gods act like a squabbling family in the Iliad.

Laughed at my friend’s theory that between the Iliad and the Argonautica it was like they had grown up, and agreed.

Pronounces ‘circe’ like ‘sirsaayyyy’ (very long ‘ay’ sound at the end)

Whenever he writes words on the chalkboard he accidentally writes them in Greek (ancient Greek isn’t a pre-req for this class), and then has to take a minute to figure out how to write it in English.

Said: “Why does everybody read the bloody Republic? Read Symposium” only to realise like 5 minutes later THAT HE SCHEDULED US TO READ THE REPUBLIC. 

TLDR - He’s a very funny man. And he’s a very good professor. He did create what is probably one of the MOST CONFUSING ESSAY QUESTION I’ve ever had the displeasure of creating a thesis for, but that’s beyond the point. I would go on forever, but this is already long. 

[dreamescapeswriting]

Kinktober Day 9

WORD COUNT: 2.5K

PAIRING: Demon!Namjoon x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Selling your soul, demon smut, smut, creampie, unprotected sex, oral, mentions of cheating ex 

A/N: This is hands down one of my favs that I’ve written, it’s from an old reddit script I’d written 😂

The candles around you went out and your eyes shot open. The room was completely dark and you frowned, none of the windows was open there was no reason for the candles to have gone out...Unless-

"Alright, you can stop chanting in Latin now...I'm here," A deep voice said making you turn around to see a man standing there. How could he have gotten in, you just stared at him. The man was dressed in a dark purple suit as he stared down at you, hands stuffed in his pockets as he tilted his head to the side to watch you. 

"Aren't you going to say something? You summoned me...I'm fucking waiting." Your mouth opened and closed and the man sighed, kneeling down in front of you and closing your mouth.

"The demon you were chanting for, I'm here princess so what's the problem?" Scrambling to your feet you watched as the man looked around the room. Smirking as he saw all of the candles and books laying all over the place. Namjoon knew you'd been trying this all for a long time but it finally worked and he had to say that he was impressed by it all.

"You've been trying this for a while, none of your other chants was as powerful as tonight. So what is it?" He stared back at you, wondering what had suddenly given your soul the boost you needed to summon him there. Namjoon's eyes landed on you again and he sighed rolling his eyes,

"Please, fucking talk, I can't be bothered with another person having no idea what to say." You nodded at him, licking your lips as you tried to remember how to speak. You never thought it would work let alone that the demon you would summon would be this hot to look at. 

"I'm Y/n." You breathed out looking at him as he nodded his head at you, you were shy and it was going to be fun to play with you.

"Oh, good girl. Remembering your manners, how cute." He smirked stepping closer to you and looking you up and down. Eyes lingering on your body for a second before he looked back at your eyes,

"I'm Namjoon, the demon you summoned...So what it is?" The whole reason you were summoning him in the first place was gone for a second and then you remembered. Sniffling a little you looked over at the photographs piled in the corner of the room. 

"Cheating boyfriend? Life isn't fair so you decide to sell your soul and stop all the pain?" Namjoon questioned looking at the photos. It was the same thing he got around 15 times a month, maybe more if he was unlucky enough.

"It's pathetic isn't it?" You questioned self-consciously as he shook his head.

"No. I get it...I get this about three times a week? But I don't want your soul." You began to shake your head, wondering why. Was there something wrong with your soul?

"Why not!? I did the chant right, you're supposed to take it no questions asked," You snapped at him as Namjoon shook his head. It was always the same thing, the girls would sell their souls and 10 years later when he came to collect they would plead not to go.

"Name something else you want, anything...Well actually, not anything cause I can't make you a princess or make someone love you...But you get the idea." He looked at you, he'd made a few people famous or rich but he couldn't see you wanting any of that. All you wanted to do was sell your soul so that you would never have to feel this way again.

Tears rushed down your cheeks as you shook your head, thinking back on all of the pain your ex had caused you. All of the times he'd ripped your hear out only to stamp on it.

"Please...Fucking stop crying," He demanded shaking his head at you, he'd seen him before. Cheating on you all of the time.

"He's a piece of shit if he cheated on you. You never should have trusted him and his receptionist," You stared at him shocked, how could he have known that he was cheating on you?

"What?"

"He's been doing it for months, it's only now he's been caught." He mumbled looking around at all of the demon traps you'd drawn all over the place, clear you didn't want him to leave until the deed was done.

"What do you mean for months? You can see into our lives?" You questioned, eyes wide with how this demon could see everything in your life you'd ever done.

"No...I've been watching you." He groaned after speaking it, realising how creepy it must have sounded.

"What?" You stepped back looking at him,

"No...I didn't mean in a creepy-" He shook his head trying to come up with a different way to say it but there was no other way.

"Fine whatever. I've been watching you for a while, you intrigue me. From the first time, you tried to summon me...I got a glimpse." You remembered the first time you'd tried this, the first time your ex had cheated on you right before you took it back.

"Why did you warn me?!" You snapped at him, making Namjoon laugh at you.

"Why didn't I warn you? That's not my fucking job to warn people about their boyfriends, wives or husbands cheating on them." He mocked at the beginning and you began to cry once again so Namjoon rolled his eyes and pushed his hands through his hair.

"Sto fucking crying over him!" He yelled out, a demonic voice leaving his mouth as he stared at you, you shook your head at him.

"Shut up, be quiet." You begged, remembering who was right downstairs,

"Quiet? Why is he here?" Namjoon's blood boiled as he thought about him still being in the house after everything he had done to you.

"He's downstairs..." You mumbled looking over at him as he scoffed and began shaking his head at the mere thought of it.

"Downstairs? Why the fuck is he in your house?"

"He won't leave." You mumbled feeling powerless as you thought back on it. You'd tried to kick him out but he told you he'd never leave, that you would have to be the one to move out.

"Well...Maybe I should show him how to treat his woman." He mumbled at you, folding his arms over his chest and sticking to his word. That he wasn't going to allow you to sell your soul, just to become a demon like him in a few years. It wasn't worth it.

"You want to sell your soul over him and let me tell you something.... it's not worth it...This job isn't worth it and neither is he...He's a piece of shit." You began to plead with him, begging for him to just take your soul but Namjoon wasn't going to have any of it.

"I don't want your soul." He mumbled looking at you, staring down at the lines of salt and drawings of chalk.

"Let me out of here," He demanded,

"No."

"No? Let me out," He demanded in a deeper voice, staring at you as you stood in place. Suddenly his eyes went completely black, no white visible as his voice grew deeper.

"NOW!" Scrambling over to the windows and the doors, you moved some of the salt lines away and rubbed out the enchantments you'd drawn in chalk. 

"Good girl...Come here," He Breathed out as you began walking over to him, sighing he snapped his fingers and you were in his arms in seconds. 

"Now...Where do I start with such a lovely and beautiful girl?" You began to sink to your knees and he helped you up. There was no way he was going to let you please him when he wanted to show you what you would be missing out on.

"Tonight is all about you," He whispered carefully laying you down on the floor. 

"We'll go nice and slow, okay?" Nodding at him you felt your body tense up as he removed your clothes with a snap of his fingers, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. 

"Cute panties," He chuckled running his fingers over the cartoon pink panties you were wearing. You tried to hide but he shook his head, moving your hands away.

"I'm kidding baby,"

"B-Baby?" You frowned at the name,

"Of course I get to call you that..." He chuckled looking at you, watching the way your body shook and goosebumps filled your legs and arms.

"You like it? Look at all those goosebumps running up and down your thighs." He whispered blhugeng air on your thighs as you whimpered a little. Small kissing and bites being left on your skin, Namkjoon being careful not to let his fangs break the skin. 

"Baby girl, princess, kitten, good girl." He whispered kissing up to your core with each word, ripping off the panties within seconds as your legs went to close.

"No hiding, be a good girl." He breathed out, kissing your core softly as you whined. Staring down at him as he began to rub your clit slowly. 

"He never did this did he? He never took a taste of what a delicious pussy you have," He tutted delving his tongue into your folds making you moan out. Hands clapping over your mouth to silence yourself.

Another snap of his fingers and your hands were in his hair. 

"You like this? You like me sliding my tongue between your little pussy lips?" He chuckled sucking on your clit as you cried out his name, forgetting everything except the way it felt. His tongue in and out of you, making you cry out around him. 

"Fuck I bet that little cunt is so tight." He breathed out sliding one finger into you and humming. 

"Hmm so tight, was he small." He chuckled as he continued to thrust his finger in and out of you, curling a little as your hips bucked up against him. 

"Oh fuck." You cried out louder than before, eyes rolling back a little as you enjoyed the feeling for once, letting go of everything around you.

"Oh she moans." he chuckled darkling, holding your hips in place.

"I can feel my fingers stretching you, " He chuckled sucking on your clit as your hands pushed him closer. 

"That's it, princess, grip my hair and moan...Moan as loud as you fucking want." He growled losing control as he began to eat you out roughly, putting your legs over his shoulders and shoving his face deeper into you. 

"Fuck! NAMJONO!" You screamed feeling your toes beginning to curl, your head spinning as you felt something building up inside of you. 

"Cum. Cum all over my tongue." He smirked working his fingers in and out of your faster. 

"Shit! Shit!" You screamed cumming around his fingers and on his tongue, hips stuttering as you bucked against his lips. 

"More." You breathed as he looked at you, scrambling to undo his belt. 

"You look hot doing that," He chuckled watching as you ripped the buttons off his pants. 

"You'll get whatever you want baby." He smirked laying you back down and pumping himself. 

"You sure?" You nodded spreading your legs again and watching him as he rubbed the head of his cock at your entrance. 

"Please Namjoon, I want you." You begged as he nodded his head. Sliding into you and grunting, hand slamming down on the floor beside your head. 

"Feel so fucking tight." He moaned out looking down at you, 

"You feel me? Do you feel every inch of this hard fucking cock filling you up?"

"M-Move." You begged him. 

"I will baby, patience," He held your face in his hands. 

"I have to make sure you can handle me." You whined in protest, rolling your hips as he grunted. 

"Oh?" He smirked pulling out of you and thrusting into you roughly. Your head slamming back against the floor as you cried out his name.

"Oh! Just like that," He chuckled watching as your hands clawed at his shoulders. 

"FUCK!" You screamed at him, your whole world felt as though it was on fire, you'd never experienced anything like this in your entire life and you never wanted it to end.

"I can feel your pussy stretching around my cock," He chuckled once again, kissing up and down your neck as he bit down softly whenever he could. Leaving one mark with his fangs as he licked the blood up,

"Look at you, so fucking messy." He chuckled as you screamed his name, hands ripping the blazer he was wearing as you wrapped your legs around his waist. 

"D-Deeper, harder." You begged him feeling the familiar build up inside of you that no one had ever made you release before. 

"You want a cum?" He smirked reaching down and rubbing your clit. 

"You wanna cum for me?" You nodded at him desperately, ready to cum as soon as you could.

"I wanna cum around your hge cock!" You screamed out as he smirked down at you.

"Yes...G-Good girl I feel you clenching." He smirked as you continued to moan out his name loudly, hips bucking against him. Your head rolling back as you came without warning, your whole body on fire as your legs began to shake 

"Fuck, you're cumming, You're cumming." He moans out as he watches you, whimpering and moaning his name. 

"F-Fuck, squeeze me just like that...Your pussy feels so tight around my cock." Your head rolled back as you moaned out loudly. 

"He's coming up the stairs baby girl," Namjoon laughed when he heard the staircases creaking, you began shaking your head at him kissing him deeply as he bit down on your lip.

"I don't care, fucking cum in me." You smirked up at him, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you. 

"You don't care? Good girl." He smirked getting faster with his thrusts, holding your hips down as he fucked into you. 

"I'm so fucking close, keep squeezing me, good girl."

"S-Shit! I..." He groaned out as he felt himself cumming into you, filling you with white ropes of cum as your head rolled back. Moaning loudly. 

The door opened and Namjoon smirked over at the door, smirking as you continued to moan at the feeling of his cum dripping out of you.

"Fuck off man, she doesn't need you," You looked at your ex who stared at you, you smirked at him looking back at Namjoon as you kissed him deeply.

"Come lay in my arms doll." Namjoon cooed as you crawled into his arms, the door slamming as you heard your ex storming out of the house.

"That felt good," He breathed outholding you closer to him 

"You okay? You're not sore?" He questioned protectively as you shook your head, cuddling into him. 

"No...You know something?" You questioned as Namjoon stroked your back softly. 

"You're pretty soft for a demon." Namjoon's eyes turned black again as he looked down at you, 

"Oh baby this is just the start, you're in for a wild ten years." He chuckled darkly kissing you roughly as your hands worked their way into his hair.

Tagline: @lyoongx @taestannie @rjsmochii @mitzwinchester @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @acciocriativity​ @taeechwitaa​ ​ @stillwithlix​ @misa0000​ 

[chvrliesapcet]

ever since olivia rodrigo released her debut album, SOUR, i have been listening to it on repeat (totally not kidding). so, after seeing a girl on tiktok do something like this, but with the avengers, i was inspired to make this post. there you go:

the poets as olivia rodrigo’s songs.

trigger warning: mention of su*c*de and mental health issues.

brutal: all of them. they’re teenagers, insecure sometimes, trying their best, but sadly not living the teenage dream (what is it, that fucking teenage dream, anyway?). “if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth, " i’m gonna cry” and they can’t quit what they’re doing, because their parents would most likely be hurt. “and they'd all be so disappointed 'cause who am if, if not exploited?” they once recited the lyrics of this song as a poem, during one of their meetings, and they were all laughing their asses off. life at hell-ton is brutal, what can i say?

traitor: knox, of course. “god i wish that you had thought this through, before i went and fell in love with you” or “guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor” just hit different for him. he thinks about chris when he listens to this song, that’s for sure..! we can’t really blame chris for knox falling in love with her though,, sorry buddy.

drivers license: knox, again. poor boy listens to this song while riding his bike, crying his eyes out. “but today i drove through the suburbs, crying 'cause you weren't around” chris isn’t with that blonde girl, she is that blonde girl. knox has never felt this way for no one, and it’s hard for him to imagine that chris is, well, doing okay without him. he thinks and talks about her all the time. “and all my friends are tired of hearing how much i miss you, but i kinda feel sorry for them 'cause they'll never know you the way that i do”

1 step forward, 3 steps back: todd. like many people (including me!) when he listens to this song, he doesn’t necessarily think of a past relationship (mostly because he has never dated anyone before neil). he thinks of his mental health struggles, such as his anxiety, instead. it’s hard, sometimes. he thinks he’s getting better, but then realizes he isn’t.. “got me fucked up in the head, boy. never doubted myself so much. like am i pretty, am i fun boy? i hate that i gave you power over that kinda stuff” need i say more? this song is as soft, but as sad, as he is.

deja vu: keating. this is.. kind of a joke, but only because i didn’t know who to pair this song with. john was an original member of the dead poets society, and knowing that now, other teenage boys are taking turns reading poetry, in the old indian cave, reminds him of his teenage years. “so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too? she thinks it's special, but it's all reused. that was our place, i found it first” olivia’s music isn’t the type of music he normally listens to, but after hearing students (the poets) talk about her album, during his class, he decided he’d give it a try. he likes it. he loves the lyrics, mostly.

good 4 u: CHARLIE. he loves screaming the lyrics to this song. especially the bridge and the last chorus. “LIKE A DAMN SOCIOPATH!” cameron has to beg him to turn the volume down,, he doesn’t listen to him, obviously, and instead turns the volume up. his argument? ‘this song is meant to be played loud!’ to which cameron responds ‘but not that loud! i’m trying to study!’ he thinks looking at his roommate directly in the eye when singing “baby, what the fuck is up with that?” exactly the way olivia does is funny. cameron just rolls his eyes every time, but it’s hard for him to hide the smile taking place on his lips.

enough for you: pitts. although he and stev/phen are both super, super smart, i think meeks is the ‘genius’ of the group. and that, can, sometimes, make pitts feel like he might not be good enough for his boyfriend, whom he loves very much. “and i knew how you took your coffee, and your favorite songs by heart. i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that i was smart” whenever he doubts himself, meeks is the first to reassure him and tell him he’s more than enough, but still.. “'cause all i ever wanted was to be enough for you” he listens to this song with his earphones, always, so no one knows he listens to it on repeat.

happier: meeks. ever since charlie got expelled, he can’t stop listening to this song. these two were pretty close, (“he flatters me, that’s why i help him with latin”) and stev/phen doesn’t like thinking about his friend being in a new school, and spending time with other people. “so find someone great but don't find no one better. i hope you're happy, but don't be happier” he wishes charlie would still be with them, at welton, even if he hated it. “your friends aren't mine, you know, i know. you’ve moved on, found someone new” or “does she mean you forgot about me?” he’s being a bit overdramatic, considering charlie comes to see the poets at least once a week, and still attends the dps meetings.. but anyway.

jealousy, jealousy: cameron, because, yes, he’s smart and everything, but he’s still jealous of other people, and wishes he were different. he thinks he should be like the other guys. “all i see, is what i should be, happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy” he also thinks that, maybe then, people would like him more </3. he knows no one really hates him, but feels like no one really likes him, either. and in his opinion, it’s because he’s.. him. “I'm so sick of myself, i’d rather be, rather be, anyone, anyone else” just like mr. k, this type of music isn’t what he usually listens to, but he relates to this song so much, he can’t help but listen to it at least once a day.

favorite crime: neil. just like todd, he doesn’t associate this song with a relationship he had in the past. actually, he thinks of his father (and his mom, a bit, too) and all of the things his dad forces him to do, even if it upsets him. “those things i did, just so i could call you mine. the things you did, well, i hope i was your favorite crime” i know we don’t usually talk about the canon ending, but i have to. mr. perry didn’t want his son to pursue his dreams, and planned neil’s life for him, which made him feel so miserable, he sadly committed su*c*de.. but then, his dad wasn’t blamed for it, to preserve his reputation. “and i watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me, one heart broke, four hands bloody” todd knows this was neil’s favorite song. he listens to it once in a while, in their room, alone, and cries.

hope ur ok: all of them. do they know how proud i am they were created? after all they’ve been through, especially their family problems, i’m glad they found each other. “she was tired 'cause she was brought into a world where family was merely blood” and even when life throws bad things at them, they always stay strong, and support each other through everything. they’re very brave. “well, i hope you know how proud i am you were created, with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred” i love them, my beautiful poets <33

[obeymeshallwedate-latinplayer]

Growling back  (Seven brothers)

Hello there!!  So I was reading @midnight-dome​ headcanon, this human writes so so so beautiful that inspired me to create this HC, Midnight-dome, if you are reading this, as in my home town will be saying “Gracias por tanto perdón por tan poco.” AKA: Thank you for so much, sorry for so little And Notice me senpai!

This HC, it´s actually not only for a Latin!Mc but for all Mc´s in the world, plus is GN!MC. 

Lucifer:

He is mad, it´s more than just being mad, he is furious. What were you thinking?! Staying with Mammon and actually following him was the stupidest idea you had in your exchange year.

He was looking straight to your eyes, clearly in demon form, his fangs make Mammon shiver and run away, while you little human stared right back at his red eyes, that made him angrier.

And suddenly he growls, the sound was divided in two, in one hand it was marvelous watching closely that mouth and those fangs changed your perspective about him, it was a lifetime experience.

In the other hand, you started to get angrier, sure you might or might not have being doing some gambling with Mammon. B U T He does not have the right to growl at you. And if he wants to communicate with growling’s you will answer back.

 When you do the growling, something pops inside him. Pray that the kneeling doesn´t long that much.

Mammon:

§  MC was eating at RAD´S cafeteria, of course surrounded by other demons that were they´re pals, it was a nice lunch break, until MC forgot something.

§  Today they needed to eat with Mammon, the brothers developed a weird schedule for MC, on Mondays they shall ALWAYS take a break lunch with Lucifer, Tuesday Mammon, and so it continued for the whole week, seven days for the seven brothers. And today… today´s day was Tuesday.

§  Mammon entered into the cafeteria blowing smoke out his nose, He was the first for MC Which words does they do not understand?!  He was angry, as soon as he enter he reached the table were MC, was sitting.

§  He became such a drama king, until he growled at them. Something was odd about it, no matter how cruel his brothers were with him, he would calm down himself and just laugh about it, but when it was the MC, he loses his mind as quickly as a thunder.

§  MC was petrified, but they were an independent human being, so N O they will not allow anyone to be disrespectful with them, so they growled back at the demon. Mammon was impressed, you looked fearless, stronger, even thought they didn´t have fangs, Mammon needed to understand, they were not some easy human beings. They will fight for a place in the Devildom.

Levi :

·         It was gamming night, yep The MC and Levi have a gamming night just for the two of them. The game? Devil cart. Of course, the team up games were too easy for them, it was like a nice walk in the park, even if Levi does not like to go out.

·         So, they decided that night was going to be different, it was going to one vs one, while screaming and buffing the night became morning and Levi couldn´t win against the human next to him.

·         The most common idea in his mind right now? “Mc was cheating” even though they weren´t cheating Levi couldn´t believe that some normie actually beat his ass in devil cart.

·         He confront them, Mc was confused when he transformed into his demon form and hiss/growled at them. And of course they growled back.

·         Levi was on shock, after seeing the eyes of Mc, he came back into his normal being, and a new door has been unlocked.

Satan:

·         Both were reading in his room, it was part of a normal day, until… Mc spoiled the end of the book.  

·         It was subtle, or at least that was Mc thought, suddenly the atmosphere of the room felt heavy, and a strong aura was making them quite sick.

·         Satan was in a full demon form, and he glance at them, like a predator ready to kill his small prey, that was an interesting moment. Maybe if he wasn´t to busy trying to murder them he might end faster his book.

·         And like a mind reader, Satan just growled at them, his fangs were big enough to bite their neck and not letting go. They were like a cat fang. Even if they were cute, they were a deadly weapon.

·         When Mc, growled back, the room instantly became so quiet… That means danger, so Mc leaved the room as fast as they could. Satan did not spoke to them for the whole week.

Asmo. 

·         If they think Asmo is easy to have a growl from, then they´re so wrong. Asmodeus actually cares so much about his throat that he will never (or at least that´s what he says) growl at anyone.

·         But Mc will growl at him. He stick to Mc so much that sometimes they wish a little of space, just a tinny amount of that. One day they were at their limit and growled at Asmo.

·         “You do not need to be rude.” Aka: he actually liked that, so do it again.

·         New kink now open for Asmo, he will make anything in his hands to make them growled again. They do not like to be hug? He will do it. Just don´t dare to bite him. Or he will get outrageous

·         “Mc… Roar.” Yep, he found the meme, that´s the only way you will listen to him growl, and in savage sex… but that´s a topic for a different conversation. ·         

Beel. 

·         Both of them were eating at Mc´s room, of course Beel took half of the food inside the freezer just to eat with the Mc. He asked nicely if they would want something, and they said “No, help yourself better”. In an common mind that would be all of the actions, but Mc ain´t common, they are quite a weird mind.

·         So they might have touched Beel´s favorite dish. It was so beautiful and looking at Beel eating just means that the food was good, and they wanted just a little piece of that.

·         Beel took their hand, both of them looked at each other, face to face and a growled came from the 6th old, even if he wasn´t in his demon form, his fangs where huge, no doubt why he eats so fast, those fangs will tear apart any type of meat, veggies or bones.

·         Being growled back was new for Beel, he always growled at his brothers (except Belphie of course) and not even Lucifer bother himself to growl back, so Why would a little human do that? After a few minutes of processing the things out. He just gave a piece of the food to Mc.

·         He needed to think at night with the fridge about being growled back and why he liked it so much.  

Belphie. 

·         He growls while he is sleeping, which makes this so much fun for Mc, once a week they stay at the attic and waits until Belphie is asleep so they can start growling at each other.

·         The brothers are enjoying the communication their younger brother and the human have. It´s like to watch a tennis match, and it´s hilarious.

·         Mammon, Levi and Asmo will record the interaction and maybe use it like a black mail for the youngest. Once Belphie wakes up no soul actually talks about what happened while he was taking a nap, not even Beel, he thinks that it´s so cute to have his two favorite persons of all times communicating throw some growling’s.

·         When Belphie finds out he´s mad, how come he didn´t knew about it? That´s why he dreams about a cat once in a week? Mc… thank you, those are the most spectacular dreams he has in all the week.

·         JK, prepare to die human, or at least prepare to lost Belphie in the house while he takes a nap.

[darkwingsofimagination]

I have lots of thoughts and feelings about Madre Solo Hay Dos, and this post is an attempt to express it. Since I'm posting through the android app I can't use the keep reading option, so SPOILER ALERT IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED MADRE SOLO HAY DOS YET.

-------------------‐------

So, when I began watching I couldn't find a trailer or a teaser, was relying solely on the small synopsis Netflix gave - which honestly was the best thing for me.

It also meant that at fisrt I was really surprised there was a husband at all not to mention two older kids in Ana's life, but I grew up watching enough mexican telenovelas to know that one way or another things would work out (I surely hoped so). But I liked how the story unraveled.

I was also VERY SURPRISED by Mariana and Elena's relationship because I definitely wasn't expecting Mariana to actually be with a woman before falling for Ana.

Juan Carlos cheating on Ana was both expected and utterly irritating (how could he do that when he had such an amazing wife and family?) And it cannot be justified by the fact she was controlling and workaholic. It just isn't, I mean he knew that control was how she showed love - he said it in episode two - and knowing he met her in university he must have known she was and would still be career driven. And to me that marriage was in the verge of ending and not just because he cheated, but for how he treated her. Always making her feel bad on focusing on having a successful career. I like him as a father, he is pretty good. But as a husband to her he was an asshole. I mean I could understand him asking her stop working a little to spend some time with the baby, for health and bonding issues, (and in a way she did need some rest) but I can't say I liked him in the first episode, because as soon as I knew he cheated that was it. But I tolerated him, he had some nice moments.

Pablo made me so pissed at him for the way he treated Mariana, specially after she said no to him. Although I didn't see him as being manipulative at first, I do agree he seemed to only want Regina if Mariana would go back to him. Besides, the fact he kept competing against Elena (he didn't see Ana coming at all and I really love that lol) irritated me. To me he was clearly treating Mariana as if she were some prize. As if she came back to him would prove he was better than Elena, that Idk Mariana was only with Elena because he left you know? Like getting her back was just to boost his ego - just my opinions. If he could work on not being an ass to Mariana just because she doesn't want to go back with him and still be in Regina's life and for all that's holy if he finally stops listening to the jerks he calls friends he could be tolerable.

I like Elena, I don't love her though, but I like her pretty much, however telling Mariana that she was just confused about how she felt for Ana was a jerk move. I get it, she is hurt and maybe she feels like getting revenge because what Mariana did to her wasn't nice (I mean, it was pretty clear she let Elena assume they were more than just friends who occasionally kissed) but still doesn't justify it. Honestly, I don't even think she should have told Mariana that she noticed she fell for Ana. Mariana needed to that on her own (which she was almost there if the gay panic on her face while she looked at Ana during their "bonding" ritual for Regina's spiritual reception was any indication). What happens is I think that Elena accepeted that she had lost Mariana to Pablo, and to her ir made sense: he was there first (in the sense he was her previous relationship), he was a man, and she was the first woman Mariana ever was with, so maybe she was trying new things and he is Regina's father, maybe she even thought Mariana was still in love with him on some level (which is even sadder, honestly). But seeing Mariana fall in love with Ana, made her realize that Mariana likes women, that she can fall in love with another woman, she just never fell for Elena. So yeah, if they don't make her into a manipulative bitch she could still be an awesome character - my headcannon is both Elena and Pablo getting their heads out of their asses and helping Mariana win Ana back.

All of the men in Ana's life are stupid.

Juan Carlos doesn't appreciate all the effort she puts in trying to be a business woman, a good mother and wife. Neither does Daniel, her ex, seems like he actually understood her. While he read a bit of his book to her she seemed very unconfortable, just as when he talked about not being able to keep up with her. And like he said, her smile is beautiful, yes (the woman is masterpiece of beauty) but she's way more than that. However her ex did look like a fool in love when he saw her again (which Juan Carlos never does) and I guess that's what drove her to him.

I'll save the best for last, so bear with me just a bit more before getting to Ana and Mariana. Before I'd like to talk about Teresa.

Even if I wish Mariana didn't hide from Ana what happened I do understand her. First Tere (beautiful woman, wich honestly this show just slayed me with so many beautiful women) is her mom and she is kinda manipulative (although I'm sure she sometimes means well most of the times she doesn't think about the consequences of her actions) and I don't know, I think as strong and as independent Mari is, she does want to have a family that gets along and people here in Latin America sometimes get in too much of that "family is blood" bullshit, and not only Latinex but the rest of the world seems pretty adamant in having children listen and forgive their parents and carry on toxic parent-child relationships because "they are your parents", which sucks, but it's true. And not only that as much as Ana feels hurt I don't think she would have believed Mariana if she told her. After all in 20 years Juan Carlos never seemed to show any signs of ever being unfaithful to her. Even if it was the right thing to do, it's not the easiest decision. It wasn't just a relationship of a married couple it would affect but also JC's relationship with the children, because it does change their view of the parent - hence he cutting Ana before she said to the children she cheated on him. And yes Tere is her mother and the thing about parents (and other immeadiate family members) is that even if they screw us up all the time we always feel like we have to stand by them someway, somehow. And (and it's a very unpopular opinion and I'm not sure if I'll manage to get my point across very well but I'll try) I guess Mariana felt guilty for what Tere did, not only for keeping the secret but for her actions as well. Mariana is always trying to fix things with and/or for Tere and I guess she might have felt guilty over bringing Tere into Ana's life, even if she knows it's not her fault anything happened... but guilt is something really weird, so yeah. why I think she feels guilty is because, well, I don't know how it is for other people, but when living with manipulative people they managed to make you feel bad for things you have nothing to feel sorry for, not to mention that her attempts of protecting and trusting her mother comes from a feeling of guilty of not being able to trust her - which is also another thing both Pablo and Teresa want from Mariana without ever giving her reason to and then making her feel bad about not being able to trust them.

And finally, what I thought of Ana and Mariana's relationship.

I love how Ana and Mariana balance each other, I like the age difference as well. I thinks it sends a great message as well, not only with the cliché that you may find lkve whenever, but that no matter how old or how young are life happens and you have to deal with it. Being married and having a stable life didn't stop Ana from having her life turned upside down, and the same with Mariana, in her case it just meant that her mess of life got even crazier but that just it.

I love how the relationship between Mariana and the kids just flows naturally as well. And I love how Mariana does support Ana and shows she is happy for her a lot more than her own husband. Even if they are not married they do act like each other's partners, at least to me.

I feel like their relationship begins to shift at the end of the first episode when they decided to live together - and 'Flotando' by Francisca Valenzuela playing during the scene, to me, it's a very beautiful and subtle way to say to us viewers that we can and should expect more from their relationship.

However the second episode it feels to me like it's fundamental, specially for Ana. They both fell very silently for each other, and without noticing and I think Ana began falling when Mariana not only broke her rules but defied her and told her the truth everyone else was afraid to say - and not only that that bond the girl began forming with both Ceci and Ro. I loved how she was super attentive in listening how Pablo was a jerk and then being super protective of both Mariana and Regina when he began coming around - but I also loved that she relented, albeit reluctantly, when she saw that Mariana really thought Pablo could be of importance to Regina. The fact that Mariana was so worried in making sure Ana approved of him showed more of how much she valued Ana's opinion than whatever she may feel for her ex, which to me was step 1 of Mariana falling for Ana, step 2 was definitely the scene where she makes faces at Valentina just so the baby would smile at Ana and the woman could be a little happier, and sideways hug was the cherry on top - the way she feels uncertain of it before doing was very well thought out and executed.

The scene where Ana introduces Mariana and Regina as her other daughter and Valentina's other mother without explaining further than "we are the mothers of the two babies" was really such a heartfelt moment I just died.

I loved how after those initial moments they were constantly checking on each other (I really do love when Ana goes check on Mariana after her disaster of day with Anuar and she gently tucks Mariana's hair out her face in such a beautiful caress).

The scene in which Ana is shocked about how Mariana's date went is definitely one great indication of the fact she was feeling something more (I mean, saying that if she were a man she would definitely hit on her? That has got to be the oldest play on the book, the famous "I'd kiss you if I weren't straight"). Also on the same episode but before the horrible date, she did ask Mariana to never again say she wasn't attractive, which I also saw as something more, 'cause she was able to read between the lines. Mariana out loud said she wasn't sure about her body, not really saying she didn't feel pretty but one could read it. I think it meant something because Ana seems not that much of an expert reading people, so to be able to be so certain would mean she really paid attention. When Ana said Mariana should try with someone she trusted I think that she wanted it to be hed, even if she didn't realize yet. Or maybe did. In the episode where she takes time off before accepting her promotion there's a scene after she wakes up that Juan Carlos begins to kiss her, clearly intending to have sex (and they did have it) but her face is like "god this is boring/I don't think I really want to" that just makes me think ok, maybe she's already realizing she wants someone else (I had this impression). The episode where they go away and not only Mariana manages to convince everyone to go without being intrusive it's really nice, I also loved how fast Ana embraced everyone else as family for Mariana and Regina. The pool scene, oh my, I melted. First how pissed Ana was to know that Tere got distracted and Mariana almost drowned and how she instantly went after Mariana to chek on her, and not only trying to calm her about the water, listening to her about her fears and at the end asking if she trusted her (like I said before I really think she already wanted Mariana and knew it) and then the way they looked at each other whilst in the pool with the babies. Perfect!

Ana feeding Mariana the baby food was the cutest, and I know she said the girls weren't ready to be parted because she was afraid of she might have cancer I really do think she also meant because she wanted them there (let's not forget the lengths she went to make Mariana stay when Juan Carlos said he thought it was time to get back to normal).

Ana's "Te amo" makes lots of people think it came out of nowhere, but I don't think so. I really do believe she fell in love with Mariana, silently and without even noticing - the lingering gazes and gentle touches are some indication - and while she was drugged and asked Mariana to promise her to take care of the girls and she did I guess it hit her right then and there how much she fell for her and you know, most people do say that when you're drunk or high you tend to do and say the things you really want to because your filter just doesn't work. So yeah, I admit to me it was both unexpected and not at all.

I keep wondering if Mariana would have told Ana that she kissed her had she not told her she needed to do the biopsy to rule out cancer. Either way I love everything about the scene. How grateful Ana is to know that she can count on Mariana and how fearful Mariana looks. I loved that Mariana just stopped everything to accompany Ana to the hospital.

I loved that Mariana never for one second seemed to think of saying yes to Pablo and how even with all of her mother bs she refused to live with them because Ana needs her.

The baptism is the peak. Their bonding ceremony is not only wedding vows worthy but it's also the it finally hits Mariana that she fell for Ana, and I just love the gay panic she clearly has. I love her face of fool in love when Ana goes to her friends and how happy both of them look while holding the girls through the ceremonies.

Even if I'm very grateful for the declaration and the kiss we got - highlight for the lightning of this scene. The way the sun hits them helps give the impression that they will work it our - however Mariana should've processed her feelings first but I get her, she was afraid of losing Ana without a fighting chance - both for not telling and for Ana may having cancer. That scene is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking with both of them so miserable. The ending is one more proof of how well this show knows to pair scenes and songs. Cobarde's lyrics is so perfect it feels like it was made for the scene (or perhaps the scene was thought for the song).

I really hope we get these two together in season 2 - however I love me some angst, and usually is what we get, so I think that Ana's tests will come back positive and that Mariana will go back to take care of her and things will go on from that.

And that was my TedTalk, thank you for having the patience to read the ramblings of a very enthusiastic viewer.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

The Road Ahead | Adam Milligan x Reader

Words: 2279

Warning: None, except some typos and Adam not being in this one as much.

A/N: How does writing work again? What do you mean I have to type it out? I’m thinking of a series name for this to organize these continuous oneshots. No promises of regular updates. It’s only when I can.

Continuation of [True Winchester Fashion] and [Night at the Museum].

-

The museum director hummed softly to herself as her heels echoed through the empty halls of the building. The exhibit was coming along nicely and her contact had come through and found an actual grimoire. Finally, her years of searching were finally over. If only she had brushed up on her Latin, then she would have had no problem translating it herself. Her senior curator had fallen sick after a week of trying to translate the ancient book, which left the college student rookie to translate. She had kept an eye on you for some time now. She had seen the potential in you, the potential of witchcraft. It takes practice and intelligence to master it and she had only wished the matrilineal side of her family had kept on the tradition of passing down the defunct coven’s knowledge. No matter. Blood of the coven is thicker than water of the womb, as they say. You make your own family.

With each passing week of you translating the grimoire, more incidents had been occurring around town. She wanted to approach you about it, to help you control the power of the book, but it would mean revealing her intentions too soon. She had watched you run in fear when the growing number of creatures had reached the museum. Then, those damn FBI agents had to get involved. They stopped by the museum after you had reported the bodies of the security guards that night and she had to pretend to be a clueless director that had limited knowledge about the objects in the museum and the history they hold.

It would be a matter of time before the grimoire gets out of control.

Exiting the museum, she felt a cold presence behind her. She spun around and saw a woman with the reddest hair, palest skin, and radiating the most powerful energy she had ever felt. The woman’s red lips split into a smile, a chill running down the director’s back telling her that it wasn’t a friendly one.

“Who are you?” she asked, taking a step back.

“Oh, dear. Oh, sweet dearie. You dare mess with magic and not know who I am?” The woman chuckled, taking a step forward. “I’m Rowena, the most powerful witch that ever graced this horrible planet and… the current Queen of Hell.”

“Queen of Hell. You must be joking.”

Rowena stared her down and the director suddenly felt her knees giving out. “I have been told that I have a grim sense of humor, but I do not joke about this. And you, missy, must think that witchcraft is a joke. What was it? Some kind of soul searching, finding out who you are from your family tree? Think you could feel close to them if you get a fancy old book and a cauldron?” she said mockingly. “What’s your name, sweetheart.”

“Joana Faith,” she gasped as the weight on her shoulders lifted.

Rowena hummed. “You. You need to fix this mess. As much as I love chaos, I love organized chaos and I’m not going to let some amature run around with a powerful grimoire like she’s in Harry Potter. You watch yourself, because I will also be watching you, Joana Faith.”

“Alright, alright.” Joana slowly picked herself off the ground. “And what about those FBI agents that have been snooping around? How is all of this going to be explained?”

Rowena rolled her eyes, a mix of irritable fondness in one gesture. “Those boys. They probably already know by now. As long as you set things right, you don’t have to worry about them. You do know how to stabilize that grimoire, right?”

“Well…”

Rowena rolled her eyes again.

-

Adam felt Michael’s presence in the back of his mind, asking to take over. “I can help,” the archangel said. Adam nodded, taking a step back and allowing Michael to take control.

“I don’t know what to do,” you moaned, clutching your head between your hands as eerie figures began to crowd around the windows of your apartment.

Your eyes landed on the grimoire, the leathery surface and crispy pages drawing you in like a magnet. Heat radiated off of the old padlock as your hand drifted closer. There were ancient powers in that book, power to change things, to manipulate them, and to end things. And the grimoire chose you.

You could hear Adam’s voice, but it sounded like you were under water. You couldn’t catch what it was, but you felt your heart pick up in panic. This wasn’t right. This was something that you don’t know about… but maybe you can learn to.

Firm hands gripped your shoulders as you were yanked away from the grimoire. Adam’s hazel eyes were looking down at you, but it didn’t feel like Adam. You still couldn’t understand what he was saying. He frowned, pressing two fingers onto your forehead. Heat spread through your head, brightness filling your vision as if you were pulled out of the ocean.

“Sam and Dean will be coming to deal with the monsters outside, but I need you to focus.” He paused, watching as your eyes still drifted down to the grimoire. “That thing doesn’t call to just anyone, you know.”

As you calmed yourself, so did the noises outside, the dark shadows disappearing from view. Your eyes snapped back to him. “What does that mean?”

“It means, my dear, that you have a gift and a curse,” came a Scottish woman’s voice.

You spun a head around and saw a red haired woman and Joana who looked haggard. The red haired woman rolled her eyes at her.

“Oh, please, you want to be a witch and you can’t even handle teleportation,” she chided. She looked over at you and Adam and smiled. “Hello, Michael. Fancy seeing you here. Playing college student, I see.”

“Rowena,” ‘Adam’ said with a curt nod, “You’re here for the book.”

“Of course I am. Even if the Winchesters deal with those monsters outside, there’ll be more coming if we don’t get that book under control. You,” Rowena sauntered over to you, “How much of the book you’ve read already?”

“Almost all of it,” you said sheepishly.

She hummed, looking almost impressed. A grimoire would be difficult for a beginner, but for someone who had no experience to make it that far into the book is a feat in itself. Maybe you’d be useful to her in the future, or maybe become a potential apprentice.

“Well, you two are glad that I’m here. Listen up, I’m about to give you a Witchcraft crash course and I expect you to pay attention. You wouldn’t want me to visit you when I’m upset. Michael, help those boys outside while I sort this out, would you?”

Adam stood up and gave her a look of warning. “Make sure (Y/n) is safe-”

“Or else what, dearie?” she smirked. There wasn’t much use arguing with the Queen of Hell, especially if it was Rowena Macleod.

He glowered before turning to you. “It’s going to be okay,” he assured you.

You watched him disappear with a small gust, strands of your hair flying out of your face and loose paper flying off the table. “What do you mean by Michael?” you asked Rowena.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? Your boyfriend Adam is the vessel of the archangel Michael,” she said nonchalantly, “but we’ll unpack that later. We’ve got work to do.”

-

There was an energy that coursed through your veins that you never knew was possible. It was invigorating, like you could fly or punch through a wall. Rowena warned you about becoming too power hungry.

“Ambition is good, but too much can kill you,” she said, then added with a smirk, “Unless you find a way to cheat death, I suggest you know your limits first.”

After the incident with the grimoire, everything seemed to go back to normal. Your friend, who the Winchesters had saved from the vampire den also had no recollection, convinced that she was drugged and kidnapped while your other friend was not so lucky in getting out. The two of you mourned all the same, but only you knew how she really died. No one in town even remembered what happened with the disappearances and the killings, except for you and Joana. You now see her in a different light, knowing what her main goal was in creating the Salem witch exhibit. Her talk with Rowena seemed to humble her and she regarded you with a little more respect than she used to. The exhibit was still ongoing, but this time, no dangerous objects for display. No, that grimoire stayed with you after Rowena helped the two of you contain it. It was now imprinted with you and under your care. You didn’t know where to start.

Adam had disappeared that night and no one remembered him, either. It was as if he had vanished along with everything that was unnatural, like some weird fever dream. Rowena had said that he was a vessel to an angel, the archangel Michael of all things. In any other circumstances, you would have had a hard time believing it, but with the grimoire and the monsters and witches that came with it, it was just another piece to the universal puzzle found. Now you know the truth. The things in stories like the werewolves, the vampires, the witches, and even angels and demons, were all real, and there were people that dealt with them within the shadows. They come and go and only a few even notice them. They save lives without any recognition or reward. Hunters, they were called. The Winchesters.

After graduating college, you weren’t sure what you wanted to do. There was the museum library, but it was no longer what you wanted to do. Now that you have discovered witchcraft, you wanted to know what you could do. Maybe you could help people, too, like Adam and his brothers.

You cleared up your desk at the museum as you snacked on the brownies that a senior curator had brought in for your last day. They were sad to see you go, but you told them that you had applied to a museum in the city and wanted to see where you went from there.

“You are always welcomed back here,” one of them said as they hugged you.

Your last stop was the cemetery where your friend had already left flowers. She didn’t talk to you all that much, saying she needed more time with her family and had sought professional help to cope with your mutual loss. Maybe it was for the best. You still blamed yourself for your mutual friend’s death after all.

You turned to leave and was immediately faced with Joana. She had dropped her perky and enthusiastic mask that she had kept up around others and offered a sympathetic smile instead.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” she said, “I didn’t realize that an old leathery book would cause this much trouble. I’m sorry.” She looked around, eyes squinting as the summer sun beamed down on the two of you. “I heard you were leaving town. Good for you. I… there’s another thing I should apologize for.”

It was then you realized that she had a small book tucked under her arm. She pulled it out and handed it over to you. It was worn from constant use, scribbles and rough sketches on every page. Flipping through them, words like wendigo, werewolves, and revenant, stood out.

“It had been left on your desk that night when… the whole thing with the grimoire had been put to rest. I got curious and… I might have borrowed it. I realized it must have been left by those hunters that had helped us,” Joana explained.

“Possibly by Adam,” you muttered, closing the journal.

“Adam. Rowena said that he was a vessel of an angel. Is that true? Did you know?”

You shook your head. “Not sure how much from the Queen of Hell is true but I wouldn’t be too surprised anymore if it was. There is a lot out there that people don’t know about. What about you? What are you going to do now?”

She shrugged. “I could dabble here and there. I think I want to use it to protect this town, though. After everything that happened, I realized the impact of one thing could have on a whole community, especially when it involves things that people don’t believe existed. If those hunters hadn’t come here, hell, even if Adam hadn’t decided to go to school here, who knows what would have happened.”

“Yeah. Makes you think about those that weren’t so lucky. I’m going to try to learn more about this… this whole business with supernatural things. If I have a gift, I should use it, right?”

Joana nodded before stepping back. “Well, good luck. Come back whenever and tell me about what you’ve found. I’m curious, but I don’t think I’m cut out for venturing.”

“I’ll be sure to do that.”

As you walked towards your car, there was the bittersweet ache in your chest. You had never lived away from home before, the town was practically all you knew. Yet, there was something inside of you that felt that you had the potential to do more and be more than what you were now, and it wasn’t going to change unless you stepped away into something new.

The road ahead was dangerous, but it was better than staying in one spot forever. Maybe one day, you would even run into Adam again.

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

[its-my-little-dumpster-fire]

Let’s get hot and historical! 4, 7, 13, 18, 20, 25, 28.

HOT AND HISTORICAL. YES.

4. Favourite historical era?

Wow. Trying to kill me with the first question. Okay. Um. Farts.

I’d be a fool not to mention Revolutionary America.

Ok. We do Like this. To read about: Reformation. To watch: World War II. To talk about: Civil War/Reconstruction. To go back in time to: Revolution.

7. Historical dressing, uniform, costume?

Choosing something different from the first time I answered because it’s not technically cheating.

I super dig Victorian Era clothing. I don’t know why. Also Western Expansion. Basically if I could dress like Annie Oakley everyday, I would. I would I would I would.

13. Random Historical Trivia.

Ching Shih is the most bad ass pirate in the history of ever. She was a prostitute who eventually married into a fleet of pirate ships and when her husband died, she took over the family piracy business and codified pirate law for the Red Fleet and ran this whole floating business for years and years and I love her. In this pirate law, anyone who sexually assaulted female slaves were beheaded. They were allowed to marry if they really want to bone, but if you were caught cheating.... BEHEADED. I mean. What else would you do if you were a pirate queen?

18. Look at the clock and assume the numbers are forming a historical year (e.g. 17;58 would be 1758) What is the world like in that year? Are any significant events going to occur?

OMG WHAT A QUESTION.

The year is 1200 and in the next fifteen minutes or so, shit is happening.

The Great Village of the Natchez is being built. Fibonacci is doing some writing and sequencing. Constantinople is sacked during the fourth Crusade and the Latin Empire is born. Ghengis Khan is about to take over and introduce the Mongol Empire to the world. The Magna Carta is going to be signed. It’s a happenin’ 15 minutes I’m living in.

20. Who, if anyone, is your historical crush?

😐😑😐 well... lemme noodle on that for a sec.

*glances around the room to the Sam Adams funko pop on my dresser, the Sam Adams biography on my night stand, the Sons of Liberty opening theme playing on my laptop*

Can I get back to you on that?

25. Who is the most overrated historical figure, in your opinion?

Henry VIII.

Why, oh why, whilst exploring the Tower of London was I forced to gaze upon his codpiece behind bullet proof glass? He is a whore and his whoriness has made him more recognizable than his daughter, Elizabeth I, who was objectively a greater ruler. If you’re gonna make someone famous for sucking, could they at least suck in more interesting ways?

28. Do I have a “dream team” of historical figures living at the same time?

Okay... the sheer magnitude of this question as a hypothetical is too much. My head will explode, so I’ll answer in reality.

I know I’m a colonial man’s whore, but I truly think the founding fathers (cough and the sons of Liberty) were a dream team. They all had such different perspectives and priorities and personalities and any one of them on their own wouldn’t have been able to do what they did together and we get to live in the reality of that. I find it very cool.

Cooler still, the fact that Raphael and Michaelangelo and Leonardo lived at the same time and their rivalries fueled some of the most stunning art in the history of art is just hilarious and lovely. Thank you Renaissance men for hating each other.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

-------

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

[szivtalan]

1, 2, 3, 4, 19, 26, 32, 34, 36, 38, 41, 43, 44, 47, 53, 54, 69, 72, 80, 83, 84, 92, 105, 107, 112, 113, 115, 118, 132, 135, 136, 137 for the ask some question thing please?

Oh shit this will be so long and I can't put a line break anywhere yells I'm Sorry

1) 3 Fears

- living at my hometown/country for my entire life and not seeing nor experiencing the rest of the world at all

- not making any impact on this world, leaving it as I found it

- needles

2) 3 things I love

- friends, my brother

- laying down on the ground on a sunny day and staring up at the sky, watching the clouds roll by

- dogs

3) 2 turn ons

- someone making an effort to talk to me and basically letting me know they think about me

- I think homiro said gentleness and I agree yeah, being kind-hearted and soft spoken and attentive to people around you,,,,, Yeah that shit good

4) 2 turn offs

- people feeling the need to express superiority over others at any given moment

- general intolerance

19) How I feel right now

Kind of really sad.... Annoyed that I can't sleep, a whole lot anxious about things, worried about the ringing in my ears being back

26) The reasons I joined Tumblr

I genuinely cannot remember, maybe it was to look at inumog doujinshis in my Shizaya days

32) Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

Depends, low when I need to focus on something else, loud when I want to just let it get to me and dissociate

34) Am I excited for anything?

My binder!!! I want That,,, also, the things I ordered for me and a friend, my date tomorrow, meeting my friends on Tuesday (maybe), and on a long-term, I think starting school again, moving out and maybe traveling a lil.

36) How often do I wear a fake smile?

I think I do it a lot, especially if I'm not getting something or just want to be nice. Honey I work in customer service, being nice is part of my contract

38) What do I think about most?

If I made/am making the right choices.

41) Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I think video chatting is nicer bc u don't just hear people, you can also see their faces and therefore interpret their words better

43) Do I believe in magic?

No fam

44) Do I believe in luck?

Uhhh I don't think so? I just think things have consequences and everything is interconnected. I believe in happy coincidences.

47) Do I have any nicknames?

Vicki, Vic, Viku, Vee, Vitya, Shinai (notice how one of these doesn't fit w the rest) and yeah I guess Vamos

53) What's my favorite word?

Maybe szerelmeskedés (it's hungarian for lovemaking, but we have two words for love: 'szeretet' which is more on the platonic side, and 'szerelem' which contains the infatuated aspect of it. The stem "love" in this word is based on the latter, whereas the more common 'szeretkezés' has the first sort of love in it)

54) My top 5 blogs on Tumblr

JUST FIVE? Ah fuck @homiro @kuwoko @transbucky @incorrectbballboys @takao-au-lait

69) Gotten my heart broken?

Several times. You know, you'd think once you get through the first couple of heartbreaks you stop hoping and harden your heart, but mine's still plenty delicate and I just...keep getting my hopes up all the time.

72) Learned another language?

Yeah I mean adgj I've been learning English for over 14 years (give or take), learned some German in first grade and high school, Latin for 4 years and French for one and a half. I also tried Russian and Swedish in duolingo but it's just not the same u know

80) What do I want for birthday?

My friends to be happy and safe.

83) Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

Mmm one time we as a class got caught drinking hard liquor, we were like 14 and some of us were seriously sloshed. Like near alcohol poisoning. We were all scolded harshly lol, but as an individual I think I've evaded being caught with shit so far. Which is incredible. I did so much stupid shit

84) What I'm really bad at

I suuuck at playing the guitar. My hearing's kinda wonky anyway, so I don't even actually know if my singing voice's nice or not, but I cannot carry a tune on guitar for dear life. I've been trying to learn this song, and it's a total of 4 chords, and the progress is terrible

92) What kind of people are you attracted to?

Sweet people who turn out to be sort of damaged, uh. Tall dudes with kind smiles and ropey muscles, and every girl ever probably. I can't really explain, looking back on my dating/crushing history, I do have a range dang

105) What do you do when you wake up?

Ideally, I lay in bed for a few more hours, have some adult fun time by myself, go out of my room, get washed up, make coffee, eat breakfast, get dressed. When I don't have time to do all this, I get half-dressed, eat, wash up, and dress up the rest of the way.

107) Do you ever want to get married?

....ha. As a child of divorce, I don't exactly believe in the sanctity of marriage, but like dude, who knows what will I think when I get there with a partner.

112) Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Some do, when there's willingness to change and grow. But it's better to be wary if you do grant them second chances, because they might go down the same path unconsciously - sometimes it's just all they know, you know?

113) Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah, at everyone who seems nice to me. Shit, I do fake-smile a lot.

115) Ever wished you were someone else?

Only pfff all the time?

118) Ever won a competition? For what?

I don't think I have, but we did get a gold medal with our drama club at senior year of high school at a big nationwide event. I mean, we weren't the only one with a gold, it didn't exactly mean first place, but it was stil very cool!!

132) Do you type fast?

I think so, yes? One time my brother's best friend asked me about how fast I typed so I opened a new Facebook post and typed "[his name] is a butthole that's how fast" and he laughed sgfjd

135) Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

*aggressively sighs* YEAh a lot of folks okay!! I'm sensitive and I feel a lot

136) Is cheating ever okay?

No. It isn't.

137) Do you believe in true love?

I mean, I want to, but I think my ability to fall for someone in a matter of seconds kind of cheapens the whole love thing for me. I believe it exists, and that it's out there, but knowing it is and believing that I won't really experience it makes me really sad.

[missdelphinilestrange]

1ST  RULE   —   tag some muses you would like to know better.

@crucioslut @tmvoldemort @lokilaufeysonslytherin @thestrongestmagic

2ND  RULE   —   BOLD the statements that are true for your muse.

current muse. Bellatrix Black - Bellatrix Lestrange

fc.  For this blog there is no face claim

occupation.  Student at Hogwarts, War Lieutenant / Dark Witch, Lieutenant to the Ruler of the Wizardry world, Delphi’s mother

age.  47 years old - Born. 1951 - 1998

Sexuality. Bisexual

APPEARANCE:

i am 5’7 or taller

i wear glasses

i have at least one tattoo - Azkaban tattoo on my neck, and a small rose tattoo on my left shoulder with this saying “i’m as pretty as a rose as long as you can look past the thorns that are my flaws” (not many know about the last tattoo)

i have at least one piercing - both my ears are pierced, along with the top of my left ear

i have blonde hair

i have short hair

my abs are at least somewhat defined - only because I workout a lot

i have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

i  love  meeting  new  people

people tell me that i’m funny - humor is the only way I can really cope with my childhood trauma, so I’m often told I’m funny

helping  others  with  their  problems  is  a  big  priority  for  me - usually only with my sisters, or very close family. when Sirius broke out of Azkaban, I gave him a bit of my food that way he would have a bit of energy before going on the run, but I told him to tell no one I helped him

i  enjoy  physical  challenges - it’s something that’s always been enjoyable for me, because going to the gym used to be the only way for me to escape my strict and controlling parents

i  enjoy  mental challenges - I’ve always been very intelligent above my years, and I set records in Hogwarts for perfect scores in all classes for my OWLs and NEWTs, so even as an adult, it’s fun to get a challenge

i’m  playfully  rude  with  people  i  know  well - I’ve always been playfully rude or sarcastic to people I know well, because I can’t do that around my strict parents since they always said “sarcasm isn’t ladylike” or “acting like that won’t get you a husband” and my close friends and family know that I’m unruly and they accept me for that, which is why I act different in public than I do around my close friends and family

i  started  saying  something  ironically  &  now  i  can’t  stop  saying  it - I always say “just because I kill people doesn’t mean that you can” to my youngest sister whenever she gets mad at someone. Ever since I watched Toy Story 2, whenever someone asks if I’m calling them a liar, I always say “well, if the boot fits” and then they usually punch me

there  is  something  i  would  change  about  my  personality - I wish I had the ability to stop rolling my eyes at every person I don’t like

ABILITIES:

i can sing well - singing as a child always helped me deal with whatever I was going through, so I started taking singing lessons

i can play an instrument - piano, guitar, flute, and violin

i  can  do  over  30  push–ups  without  stopping - I often did push-up competitions with my friends and cousins as a child, and from that, I’ve gotten quite strong

i’m a fast runner - I used to run away from my problems as a child: quite literally, because when my parents would scream at me I’d start running away, so I learned to have a lot of stamina from a young age and run really fast

i can draw well - I always liked to draw pictures of my little sisters, and I ended up getting really good at it

i have good memory - I have really good memory, but a terrible attention span

i’m good at doing math in my head

i  can  hold  my  breath  underwater  for  over  a  minute - This is because I used to go underwater while swimming and pull people down by their ankles just to scare the shit out of them because it’s funny. I stopped doing that though when I got kicked in the face

i  have  beaten  at  least  2  people  in  arm  wrestling - this is because they’re either weak, or I cheated by kicking their shins which distracted them

i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

i know how to throw a proper punch - I’ve always been very strong, and I learned how to punch by doing boxing with one of my older cousins. many people talked bad about Andromeda after she was removed from the family in the summer before my seventh year at Hogwarts, and since I knew how to punch really well, I ended up sending a lot of kids to the hospital wing that year (probably a few hundred). After Sirius was removed from the family, I got in a lot of fights with my fellow death eaters because they were talking shit about him and it made me mad. Needless to say, people don’t DARE talk bad about anyone in my family anymore.

HOBBIES:

i enjoy playing sports - Quidditch

i’m  on  a  sports  team  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else - During Hogwarts, Slytherin Chaser for Quidditch

i’m  in  an  orchestra  or  choir  at  my  school  or  somewhere  else

i’ve learned a new song in the past week

i work out at least once a week - I started working out as a kid (about 8 years old) because I wanted an excuse to get away from my parents. Then, when I was 10, the reason I worked out was because I was skinny but I didn’t have much muscle. When I was 12, the reason for me working out was because I was insecure about how short and skinny I was, and I wanted to be stronger that way I could beat the shit out of anyone that made fun of me for it.

i go on runs at least once a week - running was the way I got away from my problems as a kid, and I guess it just stuck with me

i  have  drawn  something  in  the  past  month - I drew a picture of my little girl, Delphi, playing with the flowers in the garden

i enjoy writing - writing helps me to get rid of all the stress and anxiety that I always try to hide

i do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

i have had my first kiss - first year, I kissed Rabastan to see if Rodolphus would get jealous. It backfired and Rabastan ended up in the hospital wing. I guess Rodolphus was jealous.

i have had alcohol - when I was in my first year, a seventh year I was friends with sneaked a bottle of whiskey into the dormitory during one of the house parties. I’m just amazed we didn’t get caught

i  have  scored  the  winning  goal  in  a  sports  game - in my second year during quidditch, right before the other team caught the snitch, I scored ten points, and because of that my team still won even thought the other team had the snitch

i have watched an entire season of a tv show in one sitting

i have been to an overnight event - Slumberparty at a friends house

i have been in a taxi

i  have  been  in  the  hospital  or  er  in  the  past  year - I had to visit someone I beat up that way he wouldn’t press charges. In my defense, before I even hit the guy, he tauntingly said “what are you gonna do, hit me?” so it’s his own fault for being dumb enough to say that

i have beaten a video game in one day

i have been to another country - Germany, France, Italy

i  have  been  to  one  of  my  favorite  band’s  concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

i am in a relationship - Voldemort and Rodolphus

i have a crush on a celebrity

i have a crush on someone I know

i have been in at least 3 relationships - 100s throughout Hogwarts years

i have never been in a relationship

i  have  asked  someone  out  or admitted  my  feelings  to  them - Admitted feelings for Voldemort

i get crushes easily - especially throughout Hogwarts years

i  have  had  a  crush  on  someone  for  over  a  year - Voldemort

i have been in a relationship for over a year - Rodolphus and Voldemort simultaneously

i have had feelings for a friend - many times, especially during Hogwarts years

MY LIFE:

i have at least one person i consider a best friend - Narcissa

i live close to my school - only during Hogwarts years

my parents are still together - for some unknown reason, but yes

i have / had at least one sibling - two: Andromeda and Narcissa

i live in the United States

there is snow right now where I live

i  have  hung  out  with  a  friend  in  the  past  month - Narcissa

i have a smartphone

i have at least 15 CDs - Mostly classical music, but a few are American muggle music (but no one knows about the muggle songs, and they never will)

i share my room with someone - only during thunderstorms: sometimes thunderstorms are scary due to childhood trauma, so those nights are usually spent cuddled next to Narcissa for comfort and safety

RANDOM STUFF:

i  have break danced

i know a person named Jamie

i have  had  a  teacher  with  a  last  name  that’s  hard  to  pronounce - as a child, the French piano teacher the Black family hired Jakob Fínêtyeá

i have dyed my hair - multiple times. once because Sirius and Lucius teamed up and put brown hair dye in my shampoo, and followed me around for weeks calling me Andromeda. the second time my hair was dyed was recently when Lucius put purple hair dye in my shampoo and followed me around calling me Nympadora Tonks

i’m  listening  to  one  song  on  repeat  right  now - “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance because I’m emo as hell

i  have  punched  someone  in  the  past  week - Lucius when he put purple hair dye in my shampoo and followed me around calling me Nympadora Tonks. Narcissa then yelled at me because I broke Lucius’s nose

i know someone that has gone to jail - me, and majority of my family / friends

i have broken a bone - (as an adult, running an errand that required to go to Hogwarts) the reason was because someone was talking behind Sirius’s back saying that he’s a disgrace to the Pureblood name, and I got in a fight with that kid. Sirius saw that both of us were bruised and bloody, but I didn’t tell him why, and I never will

i have eaten a waffle today - yes because I have a terrible sweet tooth

i know what I want to do with my life - as a student: teacher, artist, actress, ministry worker: unspeakable or working with magical objects. as an adult: writer, lieutenant death eater, artist, spell maker, singer, musician (not many people know about any of my jobs other than being a lieutenant death eater)

i know at least 2 languages (fluently) - English, German, French, Italian, Gaelic, Russian, Greek, Latin, Spanish (I come from a very culturally knowledgeable family, and intelligence is very important, henceforth why I know so many languages)

Idea From: @tmvoldemort

[jacksonswangsauce]

Friends to Lovers(m)

Johnny Seo x Y/n

What happens when your best friend confesses he’s loved you since day one?

Genre: Smut with slight fluff 

You had seen it coming.

The sudden business, the coming home late and the undeniable drifting apart.

You had tried, you tried your hardest to keep the relationship going but there was nothing left to save.

This was to be expected.

You came home from the store and there she was, on your living room couch. Your replacement, moaning under your boyfriend as if she had the right.

"What the hell?!" You yell, causing them to scramble off of the couch and try to find some coverage.

"Y/N! I-"

"¡Cállate pendeja! I don’t want to hear it." You sass, waving your hand at Carlos.

"Take your little puta and get out of my house, we’re done!" You exclaim, placing your hands on your hips. Watching as they awkwardly put the rest of their clothes on.

Yes, feel the shame! You thought, as Carlos couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

"I loved you Y/N..I’m really sorry-" He attempted to apologize.

But you roughly grabbed his collar and yanked him to your disgusted face.

"Shut the f**k up with the lies Carlos. I’m so sick of your bullshit! Don’t you ever come back here. I never want to see your dumbass again!" You snarl and push him away from you.

You always could scare the shit out of him and your mean face worked every time.

"Little bitch!" You spat as they practically ran out the front door.

Once you were finally alone, it all crashed into you like a tidal wave and you found yourself sobbing in the corner of your kitchen.

You cried and cried but not because everything was over between you and Carlos. They were tears hot with anger and hate. You cried because he actually chose someone else over you. He threw away a whole year and a half for some chick that was an obvious downgrade.

It hurt you to feel as if you weren’t enough. You hated feeling unwanted and alone.

After about two hours of feeling sorry for yourself and angry at your ex, you decide to be productive and get your money out of this.

Your Mamá always told you to "keep the jewelry" but you couldn’t stand looking at the gold chain he’d bought for you.

So you take it to a jewelry store and sell it for $1,000. The one thing he was good at was giving you expensive gifts. Thankfully it comes in handy and you are already feeling better about the breakup.

Once back home, you find yourself reminiscing about all the good times you used to have and it brings back all your emotions again.

So to take your mind off things, you decide to call up your best friend for a night out.

"Hey Y/N!" He picks up after the first ring.

"Johnny hey..listen umm Carlos cheated on me." You sigh into the receiver, feeling your lip quiver. Realizing the effect of saying it out loud.

"What?! That mother f**ker! How dare he! I’ll be right over don’t you worry-" He exclaims but you cut him off.

"No that’s okay, I just wanted to see if you want to go clubbing with me tonight? I really need to get my mind off things." You run a hand through your hair.

"I gotchu’ babygirl, what time should I pick you up?" He asks.

You chuckle at the nickname. "10pm?" You suggest.

"Okay, see you then!" He exclaims, before hanging up.

You smile at your phone screen and make your way to the bathroom to get your glow up on!

After a few hours, you were ready!

You wear a tight red dress with spaghetti straps that just barley covers your thicc ass. It has gray Eastern dragons all over it.

You always thought they were so cool!

For accessories you wear long diamond earrings that almost touch your shoulder and a diamond layered choker. For shoes, sparkly silver pumps.

And of course, your makeup is done to perfection. Winged liner to compliment your slanted eyes, plump red lips, bronze contour to shape your high cheek bones and arched brows for your sassy signature attitude.

Just then the doorbell rings.

"He’s here!" You say excitedly and strut over and open the door.

"Hey Y/N.." He says in a low voice, trying to be seductive.

You both laugh at his playfulness and he finds himself looking you up and down. Noting how absolutely sexy you look tonight.

"Let’s go." He smiles, holding his arm out for you.

Wow..he looks amazing! You think to yourself, checking out his club outfit. He’s wearing tight black skinny jeans, a leather jacket and a snug fitting, white T-shirt. His hair is styled to perfection and you notice his eyes are lined softly with eyeliner.

You smile back and take his arm, letting him lead you to his chic white Hyundai.

Once at the club you immediately get on the dance floor.

You could always get drunk on music, it was your one escape from the world and it affected you more than alcohol.

Johnny knows this, he knows everything about you. You guys have been friends long before you even dated Carlos.

Johnny has always had feelings for you, since the day he met you, he’s always been infatuated by your beauty and easy going personality. But he’s never had the guts to confess to you.

So Johnny makes himself comfortable at the bar and watches you having a good time hoeing around. He‘s sipping a margarita, one of the only drinks you would get, and wishing it was him you were grinding on out there.

You have the attention of all the guys on the dance floor. From your sexy outfit to model-like physic, you are every guys dream!

Johnny is getting more jealous by the minute. So he finally decides to butt in.

"Excuse me.." He says, shoving one of the guys away.

"Johnny!" You whine but he just grabs your wrist and pulls you against him.

"Is this how you treat your date Y/N?" He asks cocking his head and placing his other hand on your lower back.

"No!" You roll your eyes. "I just wanted to dance, geez! But you were over there drinking so I mean..that’s on you." You shrug, beginning to move your hips to the rhythm.

"Okay, sassy pants!" He exclaims, as you start grinding against him. Secretly loving your attitude. It was so attractive and it turned was turning him on.

He bites his lip and turns you around, grinding hard against your ass.

Then the club plays your favorite reggaetón song and you and Johnny lose it.

You taught him how to dance this Latin rhythm and together, you slayed it. Rubbing against his leg that was in between yours. His hips rocking to the music and guiding you with his hands.

Dancing together was something you and Johnny had perfected over the years. It was one of the many talents you shared and loved to show off when together.

You and Johnny dance for another hour and decide to take a break in the lounge area.

It’s empty except for the two of you.

He plops down on a couch and you join him, downing a bottle of cool water.

"Want a sip?" You ask, holding it out to him.

He nods gratefully and takes a few gulps.

"Thanks.." He says breathlessly, wiping his mouth.

"Ya know..that was an indirect kiss." He smirks, nudging you with his shoulder.

You roll your eyes and chuckle. "Johnny you’re too much."

"Maybe.." He chuckles. "How are you feeling though Y/N?" He asks, eyes filled with concern. "You okay..?"

"Yeah I’m fine." You smile. "I don’t even care anymore, he obviously wasn’t the one.." You shrug and finish the bottle of water.

Johnny lets out a sigh of relief. He was so glad you were over it already. He hated when you were feeling any ounce of pain, emotionally and physically.

"Y/N..I-I need to tell you something..." He says, suddenly.

This is my chance to finally let you know how I feel tonight... He thinks to himself.

You turn your body towards him.

"What is it?" You ask, curiosity flooding your mind as he takes a deep breath and nervously plays with his shirt cuffs.

"Is everything okay?" You ask, concerned by his sudden loss of confidence.

Johnny was always confident and playful but now, he couldn’t even meet your eyes. Something was up!

"Johnny..you can tell me..." You almost whisper, even though you guys are alone.

He finally meets your eyes and takes your warm hands in his.

"Y/N..I.." His eyelids flutter at your breathtaking face, now so dangerously close to his.

"I’m in love with you!" He blurts out, squeezing your hands tight as he says it.

Finally, out loud and into the universe.

Your eyes widen in surprise. Never in a million years did you think that Johnny Seo was even interested in you that way!

Your mind jumbles with so many thoughts and you can’t even think of a response.

"I’m sorry..I shouldn’t have said anything. God, I always ruin everything!" He immediatley regrets his decision and turns his head away in embarrassment.

But you reach out and turn it back to face you.

You meet his sparkly brown eyes, realizing the truth of his words were always hidden deep inside those beautiful eyes. The eyes you’d been looking into for 7 years, had always been telling you the same thing.

And finally, the truth had been revealed.

"Johnny.." Your eyes trail down to his plump lips and he follows his gaze to yours.

You pull him into a kiss and immediatley everything becomes clear.

"I love you too!" You smile, pulling away to meet his eyes again.

He grins in relief. "I’ve always wanted to do that with you.." He sighs, reaching out to tuck your hair behind your ear.

You sigh as he gently caresses your face.

"I was just too afraid we’d ruin our friendship so I kept my feelings inside." He explains. "I didn’t want to lose what we already had.."

"I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize this." Your apologetic eyes say it all.

"Y/N.." He sighs, kissing you again, a little deeper this time.

Johnny couldn’t be happier that you said you loved him too! He couldn’t contain his excitement as he kissed you hungrily. He’d always dreamed of this moment and now it was finally coming true.

"It’s always been you! I was never in love with those other guys. I was in love with you..it was you..." He kisses you inbetween your breathless words, hands trailing the sides of your body.

You run your hands through his thick locks and he melts against your touch. "I’m sorry Johnny..I’m sorry.." You mumble into his mouth.

"Shh Y/N..it’s okay." He hushes you, brushing the hair out of your face to look at you.

"The fact that you’re here with me right now, saying you love me...is more than enough." He says, tenderly gazing into your eyes.

"I do..I love you Johnny." You smile, softly kissing his lips.

Between the passion, pent up frustration and desire, things begin to heat up quickly!

"Are you sure about this?" You ask, as he places you on his lap.

"Lines exist, only to be crossed Y/N..." He licks his lips sensually and you feel your heat throbbing with anticipation.

He was so unbelievabley charming and sexy. From his gorgeous face to long legs and toned body, you were melting in his arms.

"I’d be lying if I said I never imagined this moment." You admit, looking up at him with your bedroom eyes.

He watches as you slide off the straps of your dress and pull it down to reveal your breasts.

His mouth waters at the sight.

"You just gonna’ sit there and watch?" You smirk, and lean a little closer to entice him.

He licks his lips and slides off his jacket.

"You’re so sexy Y/N!" He groans, pulling you into him. He massages your breasts and tongues it out in your mouth.

You never imagined his kisses could taste so good.

"F**k!" He gasps as you start grinding against his crotch.

"I-I want you.." You sigh, kissing his neck and leaving lipstick stains all over.

"Hold up.." He suddenly gets up and locks the lounge room door.

Then he turns to face you and practically rips off his shirt and pulls down his skinny jeans.

"F**k I’m so horny babe!" He mutters as he slides your dress off of you, along with your black lace thong.

He pauses for a moment, eyes gazing over your naked body.

"You’re..gorgeous!" He exclaims, admiring your gleaming caramel skin tone and hourglass figure. "So..sexy.." He says saucily, tracing his finger tips along your thicc thighs.

"Johnny just hurry up and f**k me already!" You whine, rubbing your legs together for some relief.

"Is that what you want?" He asks, hovering over you.

"You want to wrap your tight little p**sy around my cock? Let me f**k you so good you  can’t stop saying my name?!" He grunts in your ear, palming his clothed member.

"Yes..oh please Johnny!" You throw your head back in frustration.

Hearing you beg for him with so much desperation was the sexiest thing ever!

Quickly, he pulls down his boxers. His very erect and pulsing dick, springs out, just dripping in pre cum.

You lick your lips at the sight.

"Like what you see princess?" He asks, spreading your legs as you lay back on the couch.

You seductively bite your lip and nod, earning a chuckle from Johnny.

"You ready babe?" He asks, lacing his fingers with yours.

"Hell yeah!" You exclaim, just as he finally enters you.

You close your eyes and concentrate on the feeling of him inside you.

He reaches down and kisses your lips ever so slowly, matching the pace of his gentle pumps.

He wants to cherish this sweet moment of having sex with you for the first time but also wants to f**k you senseless.

"Johnny..faster.." You whine, licking his bottom lip.

"Okay princess!" He exclaims, before bending your knees into his chest and pumping his dick all the way in.

"Oh..OH Johnny!" You moan, as he pickes up the pace, thrusting faster.

"Ohhh yeah.." He moans, eyes rolling back as you clench around him.

"John-n-y!" You grip the sides of the couch.

"That’s it baby, say my name!" He groans, holding your knees for support.

"Forget..all the-OTHER.. mmph guys babe." He  pants, thrusting faster and faster.

"Who f**ks you like this huh? Who makes you feel this good?!" He grunts, pumping with all his strength.

"Johnnyyy!" You yell, digging your nails into his sweaty shoulders.

The sounds of skin slapping echo against the walls as he continues to slam into you.

"Ohhh...yes Johnny. Right there!" He angles himself to hit your g-spot and it feels amazing!

"Oh baby! You like that? You like how I f**k you so hard? Make you cum all over my dick?!" He’s shouting as his pace is animalistic, rocking the couch underneath you.

You’re a moaning mess, feeling your climax nearing.

"I’m gonna fill you up! Pump you full with my cum.." He feels his balls quaking, about to release any second.

"Uhhhh Y/N!" One last thrust and he’s shooting his load into you. Orgasming and shuddering with pleasure.

As he milks his orgasm, you feel yourself on the verge of climaxing.

"Johnny..I’m gonna'-"

"Do it baby! Cum on my dick you gorgeous sex queen!" He kisses your shoulder and rubs your breasts as you realease all over his cock.

"Ohhhh.." You close your eyes and see stars as you twitch and orgasm underneath him.

Johnny is still kissing and sucking on your neck and breasts, unable to get enough of you!

"Johnny.." You sigh, opening your eyes to see this beautiful man before you.

"Y/N.." He smiles at you lovingly and gives you a peck on the lips. Then another and another!

"God I love you!" He exclaims, holding you tight in his arms, not wanting the moment to be over.

He loved the feeling of your hot and naked bodies intertwined and connected with each other.

But you both knew you couldn’t stay in this club forever! So Johnny sat up and his dick pulled out with a pop.

You gasped at the sudden lack of warmth and shivered.

Johnny quickly grabbed your clothes and handed them to you, not wanting you to be cold.

"Thank you!" You smile gratefully, pulling on your dress and thong.

"Of course babe!" He winks, stepping into his boxers. His love muscle put away until the next time.

You stand up and step into your glittery heals and check your makeup as Johnny continues to dress.

Everything stayed on surprisingly! Except for your red lipstick, which was very faded.

You glide on some more color and fix your hair.

"Ready?" He asks, holding his hand out for you.

"Yes!" You smile, taking it and letting him lead you through the crowd and out into the night.

You feel a blast of cold right as you walk out of the club, causing you to shiver.

Johnny quickly takes off his leather jacket and drapes it across your narrow shoulders.

He places an arm around you and holds you against his side for warmth as you walk to his car.

"That dress is really nice Y/N but you’re gonna catch a cold!" He exclaims, opening the car door for you.

"I have your jacket! I’ll be fine." You smile, before he shuts the door.

"Johnny..?" You call, as he starts up the car and turns on the heat.

"Hmm?" He hums, messing with the radio.

"Can I stay at your place tonight? I wanna stay with you." You admit, playing with the hem of your dress.

"Of course babe! You’re always welcome at my house." He grins and kisses your cold hand.

"God your hands are freezing!" He exclaims, rubbing your hand with his.

"I’m fine, as long as I’m with you." You smile, leaning your head back and closing your eyes.

You immediatley fall asleep from exhaustion and Johnny just smiles at you.

He still can’t believe how perfect this night has been!

As he drives to his house, he holds your soft hand in his, steeling glances at your sleeping figure a few times.

At his house...

Johnny gets out of the car and opens your door. He kisses your cheek, waking you up.

"Y/n..we’re here." He says softly.

You smile, tiredly and get out of the car. You’re a little wobbly considering your heels, exhaustion and the mind blowing sex you just had.

"Careful-" He warns, holding you up as you walk to the door.

As he unlocks it, you rest your head on his shoulder and close your eyes, feeling as if you could fall asleep right there at his front door.

Johnny chuckles lightly and picks you up, bridal style, and carries you into his house.

After shutting the door with his foot, he brings you into his bedroom and lays you down on his bed.

He gazes lovingly at you for a moment, admiring your peaceful face as you’re falling asleep.

Gently, he removes your high heels and places them on the floor. Then he carefully takes off your jewlerey, so you don’t ruin them, and places them on the night stand next to you.

He then pulls the blankets over you and tucks you in tightly, making sure you are nice and warm.

He quietly tip toes into the bathroom and comes back with a pack of makeup wipes. He knew better than to let you sleep with your makeup on. And he’s already seen you without it hundreds of times so he knew you were comfortable with it.

So he gently wipes off your makeup with peach infused extract for a nice clean glow.

He smiles to himself, thinking you look so pretty in his bed, with your gorgeous bare face.

He throws the wipes away and decides to join you.

Stripping off his clothes, except for a fresh pair of undies, he climbs into the soft bed with you.

You stir at the sudden movement and turn over to him.

Once under the covers, he finds your hand and holds it tight before falling into a deep sleep.

In the morning...

You open your eyes to find Johnny’s beautiful face only a few inches from yours.

You smile and ever so lightly, touch his cheeks. Then you softly trace your finger over his nose. You let it graze over his eyebrows and down his face to his sharp chin.

His eyes flutter open and he smiles once he sees you.

"Y/N.." He says, in his raspy morning voice.

You giggle and scoot closer to him as he kisses your forehead.

"Did you sleep well gorgeous?" He asks, stroking you head thoughtfully.

You nod. "The best sleep I’ve had in a while!"

"Good.." He grins, pulling you into his arms.

You kiss his bare chest and rest your face in it, loving the warmth against you.

He holds you in his arms and cuddles you for a while.

Then you shift positions and accidentally brush against his crotch, more than once!

He tries not to think about it. But as you continue to rub on him, he can’t help feeling horny after a while

"Y/N.." He grunts, as you shift again.

"Hmm?" You hum, looking at his face.

"I’m getting really horny babe!" He groans, reaching down to massage his dick.

"So am I!" You giggle, earning a surprised laugh from Johnny.

"Did you do that on purpose?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

You nod your head, giving him a sly look.

"Come here.." He says, pulling you into a kiss.

You part your mouth and let him shove his hot tongue inside, letting it dance around with yours. He places his leg around you and starts grinding his hips into your crotch.

You let out a soft moan and kiss him harder, sucking and pulling at his lower lip.

"Mmm babe.." He moans against your mouth.

Then he sits up and you straddle his lap.

"Hurry..take off your dress! I want to see you naked." He says excitedly, pulling off his undies as you strip off your own clothes.

You grin sexily, toss it aside and wrap your body around Johnny. Wanting him to feel your breasts rubbing against his chest.

"Oh Y/N.." He moans, rubbing his shaft under you and feeling the pre cum leaking out of his tip.

You reach down and massage his balls in your hand, causing him to twitch and moan for you.

"Y/N..uhh"

He kisses your jaw line and down your neck as you pump his dick in your hand. He pants and thrusts into your hand, so desperate for a release.

"Don’t tease..babe.." He pants, wanting his dick inside you already!

You kiss his lips and then angle yourself at his tip. He holds his breath and watches intently as you slide down on him.

"Ohhhhhh!" He lets out a glorious moan, throwing his head back.

You hold onto his shoulders for support as you start going up and down on his dick.

"Oh baby.." He starts thrusting up and quickens the pace, earning a moan from you.

His delicious cock filling you up and making you feel so good.

"Johnny..uhhh." You pant as he takes your left breast in his mouth, licking your nipple as he pumps his dick harder.

He’s licking and sucking in time with his thrusts, making you bounce up and down.

He loves your f**ked out expression as you near your release.

"C’mon babe..cum for me! Cum for Johnny!" He grips your ass and squeezes you tight, pumping and thrusting as fast as he can.

He’s grunting and moaning, trying to make you cum for him.

"Say my name princess! OH- hurry!" He moans, reaching his climax as well.

"Johnny..ohhh!" You’re almost there! One last pump and..

"F**k-JOHNNYYYYY!" You let out a yell as you orgasm and cum on his dick.

"That’s right baby..oooo-" He feels himself about to cum.

"Oh Y/N..Ohhh Y/N! I’m gonna-a-" He grunts and pants, thrusting fast and sloppy.

"Uhh-h..ssss...Uhhhhhhhhh!"

Johnny releases his load into you, some of it drips out because of your position.

He rides out his orgasm and looks at you, trying to catch his breath.

You kiss his parted lips and pull yourself off his dick, letting his cum slide down your caramel thighs.

"Oh f**k Y/N, that’s hot!" He says, looking at you with hooded eyes.

Your eyes never leave his as you wipe a little with your finger and bring it you your mouth; pumping and sucking on it seductively.

Johnny is in awe, feeling himself getting hard again.

Quickly, he yanks your hand out of your mouth.

"Stop Y/N!" He laughs. "Or we’re never going to leave this bed!" He grips you wrist and you smirk at him.

"F**k, I love you so much!" He grins, kissing your cheek.

"I love you too Johnny Seo!" You smile then your stomach growls. "But I’m really hungry.." You pout cutely.

Johnny’s heart melts.

"Aww my princess is so adorable!" He coos, placing a hand over his heart. "Lets go make some breakfast." He exclaims, getting up.

"Pancakes?" He suggests, knowing they’re your favorite.

"Yeah!" You exclaim. "With chocolate chips and strawberries!" You jump up excitedly.

"Anything you want baby!" He laughs at your excitement and throws you a pair of pajamas to wear. He has a whole drawer full of your clothes from over the years. Which really comes in handy when you spend the night.

After you’re both in some comfy pajamas, you spend the morning cooking breakfast together.

And that’s how every morning went after that because Johnny wasted no time in asking you to marry him. He didn’t want anyone to snatch you away again and he knew he wanted to spend everyday of his life with you by his side.

Of course you said yes! He was the man of your dreams and you loved him with all of your heart.

So you guys got married ASAP and lived together in his beautiful house. Having the best sex, laughing the happiest laughs, cooking the best meals and cherishing every single moment together.

[twotwinks]

rules: list ten songs you’ve been listening to a lot lately and tag ten people

Me? Actually doing a tag game for once? Listen I always plan on doing them I just get distracted but right now I’m procrastinating on my final projects and also this gives me a chance to scream about my current hyperfixations so here we go tagged by @supergeekytoon lov u also I’ve included links in case you wanna listen but don’t wanna exert effort (aka me)

1. Pokémon Sword and Shield - vs Gym Leader

I’d love to tell you who composed this but unfortunately Bulbapedia is still lacking in specifics outside of “The game's music was primarily composed by Gō Ichinose and Minako Adachi. Additional music was composed by Keita Okamoto and Toby Fox, the latter of which only composed one track.” I don’t know how trustworthy the credits in the description of this video are either. ANYWAY this gym leader theme is a fucking BOP and I live for the cheering crowd it just makes it feel so real!

2. Pokémon Sword and Shield - vs Hop

I haven’t gushed about Hop on this blog yet but trust me I’m getting ready to. He’s now the second rival I’ve adopted and ugh I just love him. He doesn’t deserve all the shit this game is putting him through and he CERTAINLY doesn’t deserve all y’all’s hate just because he’s the Tutorial Boy like have you looked at his smile just leave him alone already! Also his themes have them Latinx vibes and it’s to die for. And yes, I did say themes, which leads us to...

3. Pokémon Sword and Shield - vs Hop (v2)

HAVE YOU NOTICED A PATTERN YET listen I just really love Hop ok. In unrelated new I’m gonna kill Bede with my own two hands and I hope Opal makes him cry himself to sleep every night because that little fucker deserves it. This theme has them dance vibes, but I’m not well versed enough in dance to tell if it’s salsa or tango or flamenco or what. Also it makes me wish I’d done Latin dance one semester instead of swing. It also has the return of the cheering crowd! I know they’re saying “woah” but it’s fun to pretend they’re saying “Hop”.

4. Pokémon Masters - Battle! Barry

Again, I tragically can’t seem to figure out composer information, but Bulbapedia gives music credits to Haruki Yamada and Shota Kageyama. Anyway Barry was my first rival son, and this is the first official remake of his theme from D/P/Pt we’ve ever gotten, and LORD does it do him credit. It’s unbearably hype and full of so much energy, and it’s still recognizable as his theme even though it also adds loads of new motifs, and it just works so well. 10/10 would get fined and then bubble beamed into another dimension again.

5. Together — あきよしふみえ (Fumie Akiyoshi)

What, you thought I was done with Pokémon? SURPRISE, I’M NOT! This is the first opening for the original Japanese version of the Diamond and Pearl anime, which I’ve been watching religiously because my aforementioned son Barry appears in it. Tragically he doesn’t show up until the 101st episode, which is why I’ve been trying to tear my way through the first part of the series. (If you’ve seen my Discord status, it’s literally just a countdown to Barry’s debut. I’ve still got a long way to go.) As a result of this I’ve now got this theme ingrained into my brain matter. At least it’s v good and you bet I catch feels over “Fog Clear the sad feelings” every time.

6.  ルマ (Ruma) — かいりきベア (Kairiki Bear)

Away from the Pokémon now, we have the NEWEST track from my favorite Vocaloid producer, Kairiki Bear! He’s normally not great at tuning Miku, but this one is actually really good. Definitely his finest Miku work yet. It’s also got that crazy guitar Kairiki is known for, and the subtle animations in the video are as good as ever. It’s also got super catchy repetition and just. Well. Every Kairiki song is a gift and as usual I’m hooked on this one even though I can’t explain it really well. ROAR!

7. ゴキブリの味 (The Taste of Cockroach) — MARETU

THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF MARETU TO VOCALOID AFTER OVER A YEAR OF NOTHING BUT ONE OUT OF THE BLUE INSTRUMENTAL ALBUM! Basically MARETU ended up in a bit of a scandal where he was caught cheating on his girlfriend with a minor with an undisclosed mental disability. (It’s important to note that the minor was over the age of consent, but below 20, thus still considered a minor in Japan...at least as far as I have been led to believe.) He did the whole public apology thing and then disappeared. Now it seems like he’s back! While I definitely have mixed feelings on him as a person now, I can’t deny that he’s a hecking great producer and one of the absolute masters of Miku tuning. You’ll notice in this song alone he’s tuning her in three different styles. The mastery. Anyway, all of MARETU’s songs are edgy as fuck, and this one is no different, this time tackling bullying in Japanese schools. The questions throughout the video fucked me up, man.

8. エイリアンエイリアン (Alien Alien) — ナユタン星人 (Nayutalien)

My favorite song of this quirky little alien series, Alien Alien has the cutest little dance and I’m super excited to see it in the next Project Diva game, even though it’s getting a dance pv instead of a story one. At least it fits with the original pv for once (stares at Sea Lily Deep Sea Tale). Anyway the story of a little telepathic alien who doesn’t quite understand human emotion falling in love with a human and realizing that not even impending oblivion can negate this feeling is just so sweet. I hope they’re happy.

9. ハウトゥー世界征服 (World Domination How-To)  — Neru

I was obsessed with this song a while ago, got out of it, and now I’m back into it again. Just when I think I’m used to what Neru has to offer, he goes and sucker punches me with a song like this. I don’t even know how to explain it. The hopelessness of the pre-chorus compared to the sheer power of the chorus. The concept of looking at your past, present, and future selves and trying to decide where you stand and where you want to stand. The “let’s promise no matter what from now on that we’ll tear off the price tags on our backs”  — a motif from the earlier Abstract Nonsense of being priced and labeled. It’s just so good. Definitely worthy of being the title track of its album.

10. シティー・ボーイ (City Boy)  — Mitchie M

This last song was really hard to pick, because I’ve really only been listening to the first eight songs on this list over and over, occasionally throwing in World Dominaiton How-To, and outside of that everything else is mostly just listen-once-when-I’m randomly-in-the-mood-then-back-to-repeating-the-others. But of the rest of the songs in my giant music library, this one has been randomly played more often than anything else. It’s extra strange because it’s actually a cover that was done for a New Wave Vocaloid album, but Mitchie stuck it on one of his albums and then I was hooked. Mitchie is another master of Miku tuning, though you’ll notice that his specialty is making Miku sound ungodly realistic, whereas MARETU specializes in using her voice in unique ways. I would have liked to talk about Seraphim on the Ring or Assassin Princess here instead, since they’re way newer and also Mitchie’s original work, but that just wouldn’t have been truthful to my current music tastes. Sorry, Mitchie.

Alright, that’s officially it. I’d tag people but I’m pretty sure most everyone has been tagged already as usual but if by some fluke you were missed consider yourself now tagged. Ok bye y’all I’m gonna go cry about Hop

[sidgenoheatwave-blog]

Heat Wave Prompts 2019

Heat Wave 2018 Prompts

Note: You can use prompts from this or previous years, or choose not to use one at all! Prompts are meant as inspiration only.

Caught in the rain

Victory sex

Double cream pie

Oral fixation

“Secret” relationship

No tan lines

Secretly a virgin

Touch-starved Sid

Consolation

Private island

Humiliation kink

Popsicles

Tool belt

Rope bondage

Exhibitionists

Love at first sight

Soulbond sex

Dream thieves

Mermaids and weird genitalia

Sex rituals at center ice

Dracula’s castle

Just fucking machines, being overwhelmed and a good dose of overstimulation

Accidental pregnancy/didn't realize he could get pregnant

Sid decides to take a year off to have a baby, and wants Geno to be the father

Werewolves and scent kink

Werewolf au. Every team has an alpha. The Pens have two.

The Road to El Dorado

Met at friends’ wedding

A forward forward and an amenable photographer for ESPN’s The Body Issue

Porn Stars au: Sid is really good at playing the fake virgin

Nipple play! Geno loving on Sid’s nips

Sid has extremely sensitive nipples and can come just from having them played with

Voyeur and exhibitionist neighbors

Rival sex, Geno is a Flyer and Sid is a Penguin. Enemies to lovers, with secret romance and angst

First time blowjobs - sloppy, messy, and explorative

Sid is being bullied by a new coach or new player on the team. He tries to hide it because he's ashamed. Geno finds out and saves the day.

Sweat kink, cause you know Sid likes to marinate after games

Sid's been cursed and Geno has to fuck it out of him

They warned me Satan would be attractive

Testing out the pool/hot-tub Sid has just built

"I want to undress you, vulgarize you a bit." - Henry Miller

Sid’s not often into sex, but man is he into Geno.

Emperor and his most favored consort

Favorite couple on a porn site

Animal traits: penguins court by giving each other small rocks

Sid's a tentacle monster, and Geno is very into it

Double penetration: can be with toys, with fingers, or with straight up dick

Mpreg, Sid wants a baby SO badly

Dressing room hook up at a department store

Detective and homme fatale

Secret agent AU, Sid is the honeypot trap for Geno

Pulled over by “Officer Geno”

Someone's got a shapeshifting dick.

Accidental soulbonding, they have to fuck to settle the bond

Geno has a magic dick

Naked except for the jewelry.

Geno’s frat boy look

Feelings happen to demisexual!Sid after knowing Geno for years and years

A bet on how far they can get during roadies in team outings without getting caught

The boys make a bet on who can fuck the longest without coming and try to get the other to lose 😌

One of them is cursed and the only thing that will break it is getting pregnant

Overstimulation with lots of sex tears and sensitivity

Some no holds bar, compleatly unrealistic, exhibition fucking. Everybody sees and they LIKE IT

Phone sex with needy sid

Zach and Miri Make a Porno au

Team soulbonds are normal and triggered through sex

Sex magic to break a scoring slump

Dom/sub relationship that turns serious and loving later

Friends with benefits

AU, sex worker!Sid, Geno is the cop who has to keep arresting / rescuing him

Pilot/frequent flyer

Knotting in Geno’s heat nest

Sid claim biting Geno during heat. The scar is messy. Multiple bites.

Scent marking without realising it, and scent marking on purpose

They're both alphas and one REALLY likes to get knotted

Alpha Sid mounts omega Geno in the lockerroom and it’s MESSY

Alphas aren't supposed to be able to bond to each other, but they bond anyway (accidentally or on purpose)

Geno hooks up with Sid between relationships. Sid doesn’t mind. neither does Geno, until suddenly he does.

Wolfbrother au (A Companion to Wolves - Elizabeth Bear & Sarah Monette) where Evgeni and his wolfsister go into heat.

Werewolves taking a mate and wanting to fuck in the snow after running all night under the moon

Genderswap Geno shaving Sid’s legs, his hands on her thighs and Sid watching him bite his lip in concentration.

Rule 63, for both. College or pro teammates, a lot of competitive bets for sex/use of toys

Mermaid!Sid with gold under his nails, under his scales, and Evgeni who is forced to hunt him.

Sid’s sex superstitions. They are crazy and hot but should not be encouraged. Too bad Geno doesn’t care. He just wants to win games!

Sid has to give Geno a creampie before every home game: it's a superstition

Sid is a swan turned human, and he could easily break bones as he could accept Geno as a mate.

Geno gets cloned (accidental magic?). Obviously they both want to fuck Sid and neither of them is going to give way to the other.

Private plane banging, in those tight, white dress shirts from the video

On the plane - Geno wears one of those vibrating plugs that Sid controls on his phone - does he come in his pants? Or can he hold out till Sid fucks him.

Sid finally manages "Russia with Geno", but since Moscow is having a literal heat wave right now, he's not coping too well and around the apartment he's wearing as little as possible, all damp and dewy and curls. Geno's losing his mind over it.

Assassin!/escort! au. They both think the other works in the same field as them. They both keep hooking up after blowing/blowing up clients.

Geno is secretary or assistant to a friendly, wealthy, but suspiciously evasive businessman!Sid. They have an awkward friendship (note: Sid must secretly be a thief but he doesn’t tell Geno at first because he wants to protect him) (second note: Sid must also be in love with Geno) (third note: after a few months of this Geno become a thief too)

Young, hot Pope (either Sid or Geno) and his devoted cardinal, fucking on holy ground/under the Sistine Chapel ceiling. maybe now, maybe set in the past, maybe the Renaissance.

Soul bond dream sex. Knowing theres a mate out there bc you feel them from the moment they're born and you dream of their successes and losses. You share when they have sex dreams and what happens when you finally meet?

The story behind that gif of Geno publicly nut-tapping Sid during shirts off our backs(?) Dom claiming his territory or bratty Sub making sure he's going to get punished later?

As captain, Sid always has to be in control, carrying the weight of endless responsibilities. He longs to relinquish control briefly, but doesn't feel he is allowed, doesn't even know how to formulate the question. Geno figures out the problem and is up to the job.

During on-ice scrums, Geno always comes charging to the rescue whenever someone takes liberties with Sid. After many years of this, Sid and Geno finally come to terms with what it means.

Sid is arranged to marry the Crown Prince of Russia. Then the Prince breaks the long engagement to secretly marry someone else. War looks like it may break out. To save face, the Russian Royal family ask their lowly cousin Evgeni, to marry Sid. Or maybe seduce him, so the Canadian's can't sue for breach of promise.

As long as Geno has known Sid, he has a gold collar of thorns around his neck. Then one season Geno returns from Russia to find it gone. In its space is the pale length of Sid's neck. Geno knows he shouldn't look, shouldn't even think about it - about Sid... but he can't stop. Maybe D/s au, maybe some mythological au, maybe a magic au, whatever.

Geno likes to wear perfume sometimes (think Flowerbomb by Vikor and Rolf, maybe Bloom by Gucci), and Sidney likes the scent of Evgeni’s skin.

Monster fucking, but think “A monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by the Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.” — Ocean Vuong, from “A Letter To My Mother That She Will Never Read”, published in The New Yorker.

Sid/Geno/Anna:

Sid and Anna taking turns fucking Geno with a strap-on 👀

Anna is ovulating and Sid and Geno lovingly and jokingly compete who gets to impregnate her which (of course) means a lot of sex in general

Sid/Geno/Anna scenario where they kind of have a cuckolding/"cheating" thing where Anna fucks one of them and tells the other one about it in great detail to satisfy his humilitation kink. Could also involve filming during sex to show the other partner. Author's choice who loves the humiliation, though it could also be a scenario where she does it to both of them.

[prorevenge]

Destroy me as a person, I'll destroy your entire existence.

I'm warning you in advance, this is going to be a long one. TL;DR at the end. Names of people and places have been changed for discretion. I don't expect you to believe it's true, everyone has the right of doubt. The revenge mainly goes towards my thankfully-no-longer-stepmom, but it comes with a side of fuck you to my Dad who at the time was an enabler.

This story is part of the reason I have borderline personality organization. For those who are not familiar with it, it's not a disorder. I can funtion on a much higher level than someone with a personality disorder, however not as highly as someone healthy. I'm putting this beforehand, because you need to understand that I wasn't always like this. The revenge is the result of my personality being slowly and painfully crushed, and getting a last kick out with it's last breath. That last breath of my dying personality wasn't in vain, I'm getting the much needed therapy and help, and I'm making amazing progress. Part of that progress is sharing this. I only shared this story with my therapist until now. Yeah also inb4 "why your real mom didn't help you", she left with another dude when I was just a baby and reconnected with me 2~ years after these events take place, but that's a story for another time.

Background:

You see, my dad is a little bit of a Narcissist (yeah, I know I'm saying at the start of the post that he was also enabling, which is true. He seemed to phase between them depending on situation), but at the same time he is a really intelligent and smart guy, and the combination of these traits was really conflicting. He raised me the "Dad is always right" way, while at the same time he always told me to stand up for myself and never give up. You see, he raised me to be an adult since I was a little child. He taught me everything I know, even the things I needed and used for this revenge.

When I was around 9, we moved to a set of islands in a hispanic country, let's call them Palm Islands. We moved here because my Dad hated our country and wanted to flee. This is important to the story, because he didn't want to move back at all costs. So the island we were staying on at the time is island A. Island A was nice, I quickly learned Spanish and fit in pretty well with the other kids. There were at least 50~ nationalities in our school, so being a foreigner wasn't an issue. My Dad was single, so he was pretty active on dating sites. On these dating sites, he met Lilith (I found this name fitting, look up it's history if you are interested in a demon from the Hebrew mytholgy that kills babies). Lilith was a true Narcissists, in all the aspects you can imagine. She was a teacher, but never had kids of her own even though she wanted. She was from island B. The funny thing is that she catfished my Dad. It was a nice surprise when he went to pick her up to the airport, and was greeted by around 110kg more than he was expecting. Anyways, they got together, and everything seemed fine at the beginning. That's when the big 2008 crisis hit, and it hit really hard in hispanic countries. My Dad was let go at his job and was unemployed. Lilith offered for us to move in with her on island B. My Dad accepted without hesitation, because he didn't want to go back to our country. So this is where the issues start. The first problem was, when we moved to island B, we moved to a really rural and small, xenophobic little shithole of a town. They absolutely hated ANYONE that was not form a latin origin. Well, guess who was the ONLY non-latin foreigner (apart from my dad who didn't move out of the house, as he was unemployed for 2 more years). If you guessed me, you guessed right. It was hell. I didn't even get the chance to fit in. I was bullied all the time. Not just by students, teachers did it and even fucking encouraged it. I was beaten on my way home every week or so by 3 or 4 students, and I remember a time when I was lying on the floor, getting kicked by fuck knows how many kids, when I noticed one of the teachers passing, shrugging, and moving on. There was "go back to your country fucking nationality" graffitied in the town's playground. In the 3 years I lived there, there were several graffity removals, however, this one never got off... As this wasn't bad enough, here comes the fun part. Lilith. Now you are wondering why I named her after a demon that kills babies. Let me answer that for you. If the bullying from school wasn't enough on it's own, Lilith made sure I hated my life. She couldn't stand that my Dad loved me more than her, so she made really fucking sure of it. And why my Dad didn't intervene? Remember I said he didn't want to move back to our country at all costs? The cost of seeing my life destroyed was one he was willing to pay. So he just sat and watched as I suffered. You see, Lilith would always ground me for anything. Lilith would give me really specific instructions for really specific tasks, that were impossible to follow. When I obviously failed, I got grounded. Grounding me meant locking me up in my room with all forms of enjoyment taken a away. All forms of enjoyment for me, meant books. I got my books taken away. All I could do was look on an empty wall and swell in my suffering. Lilith would hold me in constant psychological terror. I was always berated, insluted and talked down on. I heard daily, that my worth is the equivalent to piece of turd, that I am even worth less than that. That nobody loves me and no one ever will. That all that I'm getting is because I deserve it. That I am a waste of space, a piece of human garbage. All the things you can possibly imagine that you don't want a kid to be told. And one last thing to add to the list, starvation. You see, she starved me, even though it wasn't starving in that little piece of garbage that she calls brain. I can't eat crude tomatoes. Not I don't like it and I don't want to eat it, I literally can't. As soon as I feel crude tomato flavor in my mouth, I start to puke. I can't control it. She decided that she will cure this by only feeding me tomatoes for 3 days. Guess how that worked out.. And my Dad? Just looked the other way. I was 14 at the time, and I tried to kill myself 3 times. If any would have been successful, I wouldn't be here telling the story, so hold on to your seats.

This seemingly endless nightmare got a bit better when my Dad got a job at island A and we could move back on our own. But I wasn't the same anymore. I was having serious depression, anxiety, panic attacks. I started smoking and drinking. I couldn't fit in again. I knew that if I wanted to get my life together, I would need to move back to my home country. But you see, being underage, I couldn't do it and my Dad didn't want to move back. Even though we moved back to island A, we still was relying pretty heavily on Lilith financially, so I knew if they broke up, we wouldn't have other choice than to move back.

Just a quick recap about Lilith: a sour lady in her late 40's who is morbidly obese while being really short, around 150~cm, is a teacher but never had kids of her own even though she wanted, was unhappy with her life in general, and being the true Narcissists she is, she blamed everything on the world. She hadn't dumped my dad because she is well aware of her physical traits and knew that if they broke up, she would most likely end up alone. This is where I wanted to hit.

So as I knew some psychology, knowing her personality traits, I somehow suspected that she will try to compensate for the above mentioned with cheating. But cheating is hard when you are a fat and ugly motherfucker, so my next guess were sex-chats. Boy, was I right. I simply installed a keylogger on her computer, and after 2 weeks I had a plethora of sex-chat logs to show my Dad. However, this didn't go as I expected. Instead of breaking up, my Dad got in a position of power after confronting Lilith about it. This was a serious miscalculation on my part, as I should have expected that my Dad won't break up because he doesn't want to move back, but rather use this in his 'games'.

I knew I had to go all out on this one if I wanted to break them up. So I hatched my master plan.

But I wasn't just going to make them brake up. Even after all the things that the place and her have done to me, I had a little fight in me yet, which at the start I referred to as the last breath of my dying personality.

I was out for destroying Lilith's entire life in the process and make my Dad do what he didn't want to while seeing me suffer.

The setup:

Remember when I said my Dad was active on dating sites? Well, he was really active again once we got back to island A. He was relentlessly cheating on Lilith.

First things first, I bought an extra SIM card for my phone. I needed a new phone number for a new WhatsApp account. You see, I knew that if my Dad deemed a lady from a dating site worthy of a fuck, he would ask for a phone number so they don't lose contact. As I couldn't imitate a woman's voice, I opted for leading him on over WhatsApp. Next I set up a dating profile on one of the sites I knew my dad was actively searching on, and I made his idea of a perfect woman, in every aspect, come to life. I spent days fabricating every aspect of her personality and life. This character was named Paula. Paula was a tall, blonde, thin, beautiful, intelligent and nice lady, who worked on island B as a make-up artist for the local news. She grew up in a family with 4 brothers (which I added because I wanted to have a quick and easy excuse if my Dad noticed any male-ish mannerism while speaking to him as her), loved sports, philosophy, and psychology (remember when I said my Dad taught me everything I needed for this revenge?) The pics I used for Paula were from a mostly unknown 30-ish South American actress from a really bad and unknown latin soap-opera (I don't know if it's the correct term in English as well). So I had really nice make-up photos worthy of a local news make-up artist, while having more normal and everyday pics as well. The little twist is Paula is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Lilith in every possible way. It was perfect. One more important thing to note is that my Dad was hooked on a sport that we'll call Squannis. It's a mixture between Squash and Tennis, hence the name, really popular in latin countries at the time. There were familiar Squannis tournaments with Lilith's family, who were really involved in Squannis as well. Also I hope I don't have to explain how extensive a hispanic family is. Important to note that we were the only foreigners in the family. With this information at hand and my WhatsApp and dating profile setup as well, I was more than ready to unleash hell upon those who wronged me.

The execution:

I started surfing the dating site. As with dating sites in general, you can't search for a person in specific, so I had to go over 200~ish profiles to finally find my Dad and mark that I'm interested in him. That same night, we get matched, and we start chatting. He is loving Paula. Every single bit of her. While chatting, I steer the conversation to make him say things like "even if I had someone I would break up with her in an instant to be with a Goddess like you", "you are my perfect ideal in every way", "where have you been all my life", these sorts of things. The sorts of things I know would get through Lilith's narcissistic wall of protection, and hit her in the very core. My dad was making comments on how she just met the perfect woman in a dating site. He spent basically an hour worshipping why she is perfect for him in every way. Guys, it was the hardest thing to not grin like I just hit the fucking jackpot. He was hooked, like a heroin addict. Next day, all day speaking about Paula. Then comes the third day. He asks for a mobile number, he wants to hear Paula's surely angelic voice. I was prepared. The conversation went something like this:

Dad: I'm having a really nice time talking with you, and I'm really afraid that you might just dissapear - as happened with others - so what if we exchange numbers?

Paula: I'm having a really nice time as well with you, but sadly I've been catfished a lot, and I'm really cautious when it comes to strangers on the internet...:( But anyways, as I'm really liking you, I'll make a kind of exception. Give me your phone number, we'll communicate on WhatsApp, so we don't lose contact, but promise me that you will not call me until I say that I'm feeling ready!

Dad: I can totally understand that, and I respect it. So let's do it your way. :)

When I pressed enter on the catfish message to send, I felt like I was pressing the button that dropped the nuke on Hiroshima. I was feeling the justice enter my pleasure receptors slowly, bit by bit. It was the best thing I had felt every since Lilith entered my life.

This goes on in WhatsApp, I'm taking a screenshot of everything that I think will hurt Lilith. After a week of talking I have everything that I want to send her. But I needed to make it believable, otherwise it will be an obvious catfishing, and I'm sure my Dad eventually would have traced it back to me. However, I had a plan for this as well. Remember when I said my Dad plays Squannis and Paula loves sports but lives in island B, where Lilith and faimily are located? You better do, because this is where it becomes important. Naturally, as any girl who is interested in a guy, will try out his interests. In this case Squannis. So Paula, after my Dad told him about Squannis, decided to get a lesson from a friend of hers, so when she meets with my Dad, they'll be able to play together. But would you know, on a little fucking hispanic island with extended family all over it, this friend happened to be related to Lilith's family. And would you know, Paula was telling him about this new guy she met on a dating site, who is from XX country and that's why she's taking lessons. After more chit-chat, the friend realizes that this guys is indeed my Dad, and proceeds to tell Paula that he has been in a relationship with Lilith for a few years now. So Paula confronts my Dad about this, who is in complete shock and panic mode. My absolute favourite thing was telling him the lines "I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE THE SAME CHEATING PIG AS ALL OTHER MEN". After getting the last kicks in I blocked my Dad from every possible way of communication on all of Paula's accounts.

But here comes the sweet part. Lilith. My dear, dear Lilith. I tell her the same story about Squannis that I told my dad, then proceed to send her every screenshot, every piece of conversation that I knew would hurt her. Every sentence where my Dad describes the perfect ideal of a woman, and it's exactly the opposite of her. Every message where my Dad says things to Paula that Lilith always wanted to hear but never got. Sweet fucking Jesus, it felt good.

The aftermath:

After being in a position of power, and being the saint that never cheated in the relationship, my Dad got confronted by Lilith. By confronted I mean traveling to us on island A, knocking hysterically on the door at 2am, while I can't make out anything of what she says because of the fucking tsunami machine that her face has become. Oh, and the screeching. It was like a group of younglings racing on who could scratch the blackboard harder to make to most unpleasant sound. I'm loving every tear, and every moment of it. She is truly suffering. I destroyed the very pillars that held up her personality. I went into a porcelain shop with a fucking sledgehammer. They break up. Lilith is throwing punches. Police is called. In a fit of rage Lilith makes the mistake of hitting one of the officers. I've never seen 180~kg slammed into the ground with such grace. It was truly glorious. As police is escorting her out, I'm looking her dead in the eye. I can see into her soul, and I can see that the person she was is destroyed. As I'm looking her dead in the eye, I'm having the most shit eating grin a human can possibly enforce on it's face. Ultimately, we moved back to our home country.

Oh, and guess who has lost her teaching licence? If you guessed, Lilith, you guessed right. Turns out after this incident she had to go under a really strict psychological examination, which was a long time coming imo, where they determined she is unfit for teaching. Big fucking surprise.

TL;DR: Dad moves away from country and dates maniac, lets maniac viciously abuse son so Dad doesn't have to move back. Son reveals Dad is cheating, crushing Maniacs soul and indirectly causes Maniac to lose job and livelihood, and forces Dad to move back.

(source) (story by shiny-poopstorm)

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG156 /X_X/*

- I can’t believe that Simon was actually (not) foreshadowing this statement:

(MAG151) SIMON: I’d say “anytime”, but honestly, if you see me again… I may just throw you off something for a joke. How do you feel about… rollercoasters? MARTIN: Uh… Neutral. SIMON: Oh… [CHAIR SCRAPING] You’re no fun.

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “This was all too much for our witness, who had decided that whatever was going on in this place, he wanted no part of it. But as he turned to look for a way out, there was a sound that cut through the background din of the park: it was a scream from the rollercoaster, but not the joyful cry of adrenaline and mock terror, but a dreadful, piercing wail flying through the air. It seemed one of the riders, unable to properly benefit from the safety bar, had been thrown from the car at the height of a loop, and was sailing through the air, landing on the unforgiving ground of the main avenue with a horrendous crunch.”

(It’s like “rollercoasters” became part of Jonny’s imagery book in recent episodes only – there was this episode, there was Simon, and there was also Annabelle: “But by then, you’re away: the roller coaster is dropping and you’ve no real choice but to hold on and hope that… I don’t crash you.” (MAG147) We didn’t really have any before that!)

(I got Roller Coaster Tycoon flashbacks – you could get accidents so easily in your rollercoasters with badly controlled velocity, you could trap your visitors forever, they could be miserable, you could bury them in never-ending holes, they could drown… How come, except for this statement and The Stanger’s circus, the entities haven’t really banked on theme parks to get their hands on many unsuspecting people?)

- HEY, that’s so cool:

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “It’s a little too out-of-the-way to be a common destination for teenage delinquency, but has become, I’m told, quite popular with what could be described as “rural urban exploration” groups. Apparently, the lack of – well – actual urban areas to explore means that locations such as this? Become quite a draw for those in the area with an interest in abandoned places. And of course, its rather forbidding appearance, after ten years of decay, has led a few ghost hunters out that way as well; though I’m not aware of any specific tragedies or stories about it that would give them much to go on.”

I don’t even need Tim to be mentioned to feel Sad About Tim. (=> spontaneous feeling since “urbex” was mentioned.)

- Updated chronology of Adelard’s letters regarding The Extinction:

* MAG134: Statement of Adelard Dekker, taken from a letter to Gertrude Robinson dated 22nd January, 2006. * MAG156: Statement of Adelard Dekker, taken from a letter to Gertrude Robinson dated 4th January, 2009. * MAG144: Statement of Gary Boylan, given October 3rd, 2009. * MAG113: Statement of Adelard Dekker. Statement undated, likely circa 2012. * MAG149: Statement of Judith O’Neill, given May 13th, 2013.

Adelard was a biiit less affirmative and dead-set on the existence of The Extinction in this one – he did mention that Gertrude wasn’t absolutely convinced, and the statements&letters he sent her way were precisely supposed to back-up his theory:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “I am now certain my theory is correct: there is something new emerging. A fifteenth Power. I didn’t want to believe it either, not at first, but I was alerted a few months ago to the case of a woman named Bernadette Delcour. […] Now I know what you’re going to say, Gertrude: odd doors are signs of The Spiral, empty worlds tend towards The Lonely, and eschatology is almost literally the study of The End. But this is different. I feel it. This Fear is new. This is a fear of extinction. Of change. […] I know you don’t credit my theories, and I’m sure you’ll have plenty to say on this one, but I’m going to need your help with this at some point – I’m sure of it. […] I’ll keep searching for evidence, trying to find… instances and manifestations of The Extinction. I’ll keep you updated.”

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “I’d be inclined to chalk this up as a genuine Extinction manifestation. But I don’t know. Am I drawing wild conclusions, trying to fit the account into my own preconceptions? Keen to know your feelings on the matter.”

(MAG113, Adelard Dekker) “I was pursuing my researches into the new emergence I mentioned earlier. I know you are dismissive of the possibility, but if I’m right, the sudden urgency of these “immediate dangers” you are so focused on could very well be a direct result. But that’s for another day, as this particular instance turned out to be unconnected.”

(MAG149) MARTIN: There’s… hum, a, a note here as well. [PAPER RUSTLING] Looks like Gertrude’s handwriting? Start of a letter to… Dekker, thanking him for sending Judith to her, though… it doesn’t look like it was ever finished or sent. [PAPER RUSTLING] “I assume this is another one he was trying to use to prove The Extinction? It… certainly has something in it. Mankind’s trash giving rise to something terrible. And again, fear of the other, inanimate humanoid figures. That’s all very… Stranger, isn’t it?”

Had Gertrude managed to temper him a bit, at first, after his initial conviction that there was a new Fear? Given the 2013 statement, what he found later was proof enough for him, at least.

- It’s cool that, thanks to the dates and the mention from Adelard, we can fit this letter in the broader scheme of Gertrude’s own actions:

(MAG130) GERTRUDE: Gertrude Robinson recording. December 19th, 2008. … In your own time. LUCIA: Right, okay. So. Hum. I was on holiday, actually. […] When a deal came up in the middle of October, the five days in Istanbul, I jumped on it. […] GERTRUDE: Dekker really came through with the explosives! It almost felt like cheating. Sad about the loss of history but Miss Wright didn’t seem to think the old Gnostic church got many visitors anyway.

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “Gertrude, I wanted your opinion on an encounter I’ve had described to me recently, and given your recent dealing with Viscera, I would very much value your input. Good job on that, by the way; I’m sure the gnostic temple was a great loss culturally speaking, but I can’t help but admire your directness when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing. I often find myself locked in a bit of an esoteric paralysis about how to proceed.”

(Could have just been “viscera” as the English noun, but given how he had called The End “Terminus” in MAG113, I think it was “Viscera” for The Flesh itself, and that he tends to favour Latin names?)

That statement was sent shortly after stopping The Flesh, then! I’m a bit curious because, from what Gertrude had said, I had got the feeling that Adelard had been present on the scene and had been the one to activate the explosives, although Gertrude herself was there in the flesh (ha):

(MAG130) LUCIA: It was barely more than a ruin. More than that, I seemed to be almost entirely alone. There’d been an old woman coming out of it when I arrived but… I hadn’t seen anyone apart from her. […] GERTRUDE: Well…! That – is – a relief. When I heard there’d been survivors of “The Last Feast”, I was rather concerned that one of them might be able to positively identify me, [CHUCKLE] which could land me in all sorts of trouble! But she doesn’t seem to remember me at all.

But it seems like Adelard wasn’t really involved in person… Did he really just supply the explosives and/or manage to get his hands on some because Gertrude has specifically asked? With what they both said, I couldn’t help but entertain the thought that they were both congratulating each other for… something a third party actually did, without either of them realising.

(If it wasn’t for Adelard’s quick comment in MAG134 (“Sorry I can’t be there in person to go over all this with you.”), I would still doubt that Adelard and Gertrude ever met each other face-to-face. It sounds like they were penpals, but kept a lot of distance – was it a way to try to avoid The Eye’s surveillance? I’m fearing a bit that Adelard will turn out to be yet another deceptive figure ;; Well. At the very least, he was a bit old, or at least had grey hair already in 2001 (MAG078: “his short hair was iron grey”), and Eric did point out that people who manage to get old in this business tend to, uh… not be the Greatest People Around.)

- So, were the teeth marks around the mirrors there because the park’s attendees could see through to the other side, and were really craving some of that (our) meat…?

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “Everything seemed more or less maintained, with paint that was old and starting to peel, but a long way from the bare, rotten wood it had been before. The only thing in worse condition were the mirrors themselves, the frames of which were now pocked with tiny, irregular indentations all the way round. It would be some time before the idea would come to him that they were teeth marks.”

Adelard pointed out that he had been reminded of Flesh with this one, and, indeed, there was the overall idea that “meat is me(at)” in the random outburst of cannibalism as soon as an opportunity arose – that part made me think of The Slaughter a bit (because… they were coexisting beforehand? It was a plain amusement park, with a few oddities), though I mostly got a Stranger vibe all through it (because of the fact that it was the familiar made unfamiliar, that these people were not-quite-people but meant harm anyway, and an overall wrongness to the whole experience).

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “There were people striding down the main avenue, past the well-lit booths trying to entice them with coconut throws and hoop games. The rollercoaster rattled along in the background, the faint screams of its riders drifting over the crowds below. For a few seconds, it seemed almost legitimately joyful. But as he watched, a certain wrongness began to become clear – meaningless details, if they were confined to a single punter, but all the park-goers seemed the same. […] A sudden silence fell over the place. The rides still whirred and rang and jangled, but every person there had gone completely still, their eyes locked on the mangled mess of broken limbs and shattered bone. It was the carnie that went first, vaulting over the side of the coconut shy with an unexpected agility. Then, it was as if a dam had broken, and every half-wasted figure descended on the twisted corpse. […] He tells me he was suddenly very aware of just how much flesh was on his body. […] So: what are your thoughts? I’m keen to hear your own interpretation of this account. My first assumption would have been The Flesh, based on the cannibalism and strangeness of the bodies involved, but… something about this idea of some sort of “famine world”, its location within a made-man ruin, the whole… societal aspect of it… I’d be inclined to chalk this up as a genuine Extinction manifestation. But I don’t know. Am I drawing wild conclusions, trying to fit the account into my own preconceptions? Keen to know your feelings on the matter.”

I’m glad that Adelard expressed a few doubts about his methodology regarding The Extinction, the fact that he’s not quite sure it’s actually a thing and not his own fantasies slapped on “usual” Fears-stuff, because I’m really getting this feeling too? At the same time, we know that the classifications have always been arbitrary, and Jon still might have provided the best summary (MAG111: “An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once.”) – so The Extinction is a thing and is not a thing at the same time, it would always be impossible to perfectly nail it down and put it in a box?

The exploitable data is mostly the reoccurrences in the statements Adelard felt were Extinction:

* Appearing in abandoned places, or (man-made) places that have lost their purposes: Garland Hillier’s flat, which had been forgotten by history (MAG134); the old Bright Lake amusement park (MAG156); Gary Boylan’s emptied rural land in the countryside (MAG144). The only exception would be Judith O’Neill’s statement in the Amazonian forest (MAG149), though it shares the fact that it was isolated and not visited (it actually sounded like the reverse, a man-made-ish thing contaminating another place?).

* It’s never a solitary monster, but always multiple creatures that seem indistinctive.

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “But honestly, trying to get a description of these… things, these “Inheritors” from Bernadette Delcour made me wish I could just pull the image from her lips, like you would have been able to. In the end, she would say nothing of them, except that [STATIC]: “There is nothing done in the history of humanity that deserves the things that come after us.””

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “There were people striding down the main avenue […]. all the park-goers seemed the same. The first was how baggy their clothes were: it almost seemed as though everyone was wearing some sort of oversized novelty t-shirt. But it was the same with the shirts, jackets, dresses – until it became apparent that it was not the clothes that were too big, but the wearers who were too small. Their limbs were painfully thin to look at, their flesh stretched tight over jutting bones, and the fabric hung off them like great flaps of skin. The hair on each head was thin, and wispy, often missing in great chunks, and their eyes were sunken so hollow that from a distance, they seemed almost empty.”

(MAG144, Gary Boylan) “There are terrible things coming. Things that if we knew of them, would leave us weak, and trembling, with shuddering terror at the knowledge that they are coming for all of us. We all made them, and their course is already plotted. You can see them in the numbers. If you’d only learn how to read them.”

(MAG149, Judith O’Neill) “There were no people in there, but… that’s not the same thing as it being empty. Instead, there were… figures. From a distance, they looked like human beings, standing impossibly still. But getting closer… quickly revealed the lie. It was just the rough shapes, cobbled together out of a hundred different pieces of garbage: a broken metal clotheshorse for a ribcage; a… plastic chair leg for an arm; rusted screws for teeth. In some cases, it looked like someone had gone through a lot of effort to match anatomy with construction. I saw one with a broken water-cooler where its stomach would be, and another had a pair of oxygen tanks standing in for lungs. They were completely still, but there was something about them that made my mouth dry up, and my mind scream to run. [STATIC] It didn’t feel like they were statues. It felt like they were choosing not to move.”

* People who had an encounter were trespassers who… were thrown into another “world” at a distinct moment, and had to go back the same way. Exception would be Gary Boylan, who apparently received a message without crossing the line – but the message was performative and harmed his community?

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “She turned to leave and that, she says, is when she started to get the sense that something was wrong. The door had been damaged by the builders who uncovered the place, and there were several distinct gaps in the wood. But as she walked back out, the door appeared to be whole.  She ignored it, and left anyways, trying to reason it all as a strange quirk of memory. Just one of those things. Unfortunately for her, it was not the only thing that had changed. The walls of the stairwell were discoloured, as though covered with a dusting of some… faint yellowish dirt, and the stone steps were ever so slightly sticky beneath her shoes. There was no sound, no sign of life other than the squeaking of leather as she descended, trying desperately to convince herself that nothing was wrong; that it had been just as quiet on the way up; that this building had always had a thick, humid feeling to the air. […] Remembering Hillier’s words about the door, she had just enough time to retreat back to the apartment and barricade herself inside. Then, she waited until the entrance changed again, and she could emerge back into the world she remembered. At least, that’s my interpretation of events.”

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “It was the third mirror that did it. The one that expanded him into a short, squat reflection caused no problems; neither did the one that bent him out of shape. But the third mirror, the one that squeezed him, made him thin, and gaunt… that was the one which took him. He outright refused to tell me exactly how he was pulled through it, but by the look in his eyes, I have no doubt it was a powerfully unpleasant experience – so much so that he claims to have lost consciousness. […] He then took what I consider to be his only sensible action in the entire affair: rather than running straight to the mirror which distorted him into a thin, angular figure, he took a moment to look at each one, and one of them showed no reflection at all. His next action of running full-pelt into it was perhaps less inspired, but it does seem to have been effective, since when he regained consciousness, covered in blood and broken glass, he was once again in the silent darkness of the abandoned Bright Lake amusement park he had made the unwise decision to break into.”

(MAG144, Gary Boylan) “I was passing by an old cheap metal barn when I heard it. I’d been listening to music as I walked, when my iPod abruptly cut out. I stopped where I was, and took it out of my pocket, assuming I’d knocked it or somehow turned it off. But the screen was on, apparently playing music, though I didn’t immediately recognise the song. I got a pretty sizeable music collection, but I feel like I do know it pretty well. This one had no artist, no album, just the track name: “Numbers”. […] I ran as fast as I could to the pylon, that ruined place that knew all of the numbers, and I fell to my knees and wept. I begged it to spare us, to spare me, as I stared at the flesh I knew would redden, and bubble, and blister away to the bone beneath. I didn’t need headphones to hear the numbers now. They were pouring from the air around me and threaded through my mind, and no matter how I begged, they would not stop.”

(MAG149, Judith O’Neill) “He shifted his leg, trying to keep his footing, but slipped on the now muddy ground, falling and pulling me with him. I instinctively grabbed Fernanda for support, but ended up pulling her down as well, the three of us tumbling down a short and muddy decline and landing hard in the foliage. It took a few moments to pull ourselves together. It wasn’t a huge fall? But I felt strangely disorientated as I clambered to my feet, shaking my head in an attempt to dispel some of the… mm, fuzziness, that had settled over it. The others clearly felt it too, although… checking ourselves over, it seemed we’d been lucky: all we had broken was our equipment. Although Dr. Anastas whined about that almost as much as if it had been a bone. I tried to get my bearings, but… even though we’d only moved a few meters laterally at most, I was finding it really hard to get a solid idea on where we were. I couldn’t figure out exactly which way we had come, and… I couldn’t get a clear read on the sun through the canopy and clouds. Fernanda wasn’t having any better luck with the compasses, as they were either broken, or something magnetic in the area was messing with them. They just generally span around and around. […] That was when I noticed how quiet it was. Aside from the rain, the jungle cacophony had… simply stopped. […] I don’t know how long we ran, but it was hours before we felt even remotely safe. The jungle looked normal again and, more importantly, it sounded normal.”

* The things from the other side marked the people who had escaped, and might be coming through our world because of them?

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “I may try to interview her again later, though I have my suspicions she may find herself disappearing. She has that… quality about her, I’m sure you know what I mean, o–of an unfinished meal. And I can only hope that when the second course starts, she can remember her way back to Garland Hillier’s apartment once more. But of course, the evidence suggests that, in the end, even he wasn’t able to.”

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “He told me, near the end, that he had recently been worried he was being followed. He keeps catching glimpses of a thin figure in the distance, or disappearing around a corner, and I can’t quite get past the detail that there was no reflection at all in the mirror he used to return. If my suspicions are correct, there’s little either of us could do for him; but do take care, should you make contact.”

Peter also insisted that The Extinction would be coming through from a particular point (“where”):

(MAG156) PETER: Well. There’s something at the centre, a… let’s call it a “device”. Now – our biggest problem with The Extinction is lack of information. We know it’s emerging, but we don’t know how, or where. MARTIN: And this… “device” will help. PETER: Yes…!

… and I’m a bit surprised by that because, so far, the only case of Fears coming through a specific space was during rituals carried out by their servants? So, The Extinction’s birth should require servants in the first place, and that should be the focus? Or are Fears actually tied to spaces and places, as Smirke used to believe? Yes, the Powers have strongholds, but those were created by avatars (and the Fears people felt, such as with the taxidermy shop) – so how could The Extinction come through at a singular, located point…? (Or is Peter absolutely wrong? Or is there a human-made punctual catastrophe approaching in their world, and that would be The Extinction’s cue to sneak in? Once again, Peter: where did you get the info and your theories about The Extinction being “active” and trying to annihilate the world, when the only statements Martin read were these ones…)

- I’m once again reminded of the Not!Them in the way “something” was pursuing Adelard’s statement-giver:

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “Oh – one more thing: if you do try to follow up with my source – and I know you have your own ways of finding him should you wish – please be careful. He told me, near the end, that he had recently been worried he was being followed. He keeps catching glimpses of a thin figure in the distance, or disappearing around a corner, and I can’t quite get past the detail that there was no reflection at all in the mirror he used to return. If my suspicions are correct, there’s little either of us could do for him; but do take care, should you make contact.”

And it’s still interesting to me that Adelard had been the one to bind the Not!Them to the table prior to his research about Extinction? The way The Extinction had been described in MAG134 had already reminded me a bit of the Not!Them:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “This Fear is new. This is a fear of extinction. Of change. It used to be part of The End, perhaps, when The End of humanity was to be the end of all things; but now, the fear is not of a rapture or a revelation; it is of catastrophic change. A change in our world that will wipe out what it means to be “us”, and leave something else in its place.” […] PETER: The Extinction is… different. It’s active. It will seek to create a lifeless world, in a way that none of the other Powers ever would. Some interpretations suggest it might replace us with something new, that can then fear annihilation in turn. But I and those like me would rather that did not happen.

Although Not!Sasha admitted to being a creature from The Stranger (MAG079: “Once upon a time there was a monster, but no one realised. Sometimes someone did and then they were scared, so that was good. […] So the monster got its friends to carry the table all around, and it still got to take faces and scare people.”) – it specifically fed on the Fears of people noticing that someone they knew was now a stranger. And I still can’t help but feel like maybe Adelard was right on a new Fear emerging, but off in his description of it, of what it does and what it feeds from, mostly because his past experiences were colouring his interpretation…?

(Adelard acknowledged it could be the case in this episode, which, nice! But is it supposed to joss the idea that he could have been wrong, or precisely to introduce the idea that he was…)

- … I kinda hope that Adelard is not dead because the SOLIDARITY with Jon…

(MAG076) MELANIE: I was actually a meme for a day or two. … You… do know what that is, don’t you? ARCHIVIST: Yes, I know what a meme is. You were saying?

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “My young friend was specifically intending to use it as the site of a party they were planning to throw. Based on his description, I would have called it a “rave” but when I said so, he looked at me like I didn’t understand what he was talking about. […] He was very interested in the hall of mirrors. According to him, if it was still in good shape, it would have been an amazing place to put on a light show, and let his guests dance their way through the maze. Sounds like a good way to get injured to me, but apparently I used the word “rave” wrong, so what do I know.”

(Ahahaha, 36th episode of a season in both cases.)

I’m so glad that Martin got to read this statement because his voice can get SO nasal and petty in these occasions, and it was Beautiful.

(What was the thing, if not a “rave”, though? Was the guy only squinting because he wasn’t expecting Adelard to use the word? Because uh, if not a rave, what was it supposed to be? An orgy?)

- Confirmed by Word Of Jonny that that mention was indeed there to be heard as Adelard being religious and !!

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “I often find myself locked in a bit of an esoteric paralysis about how to proceed. Still. God grant me clarity to act when I need it.”

(MAG078, Lawrence Moore) “He was black, dressed in a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a thin necktie. For a moment I had the idea he might be a Jehovah’s Witness, but one look at his face dispelled that idea immediately. It was hard and stern, set in look of determination, and his short hair was iron grey. He was very thin, with aging skin stretched tight over wiry, corded muscle, and though he was slightly shorter than I was, it seemed like he towered over me. […] He told me his name was Adelard Dekker, and that he was an exorcist, of sorts.”

So maybe he didn’t just look like a Jehovah’s witness, but genuinely is one? Also aouch about the gnostic temple then:

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “Good job on that, by the way; I’m sure the gnostic temple was a great loss culturally speaking, but I can’t help but admire your directness when it comes to dealing with this sort of thing.”

Because I can’t tell if he was throwing shade at Gertrude about it and the fact she had destroyed a precious religious place… or was absolutely uncaring about it because it wasn’t his own religion.

- I feel like, as in with Eric’s accusations, Adelard was a biiiiiiiiit harsh (and fair) about Gertrude actually being way more Eye-aligned that we had been led to think in season 3?

(MAG154) ERIC: She didn’t try to keep me in the dark just so I wouldn’t stop being useful. She never made me complicit in a thousand nightmares, and lives ruined for the sick joy of some otherworldly voyeur. […] I know what you say, what you think you’re doing – saving the world one poor doomed soul at a time. I mean, I understand; I do! … But I couldn’t be a part of it. Not when I saw what happened to everyone else you involved. I had to get out, to escape this place. […] I’m sure you’ll find something… “neater”. A strong acid, precisely applied? That sounds more your style. If you decide to do it, that is. GERTRUDE: Nn, I, I–I don’t know… ERIC: No… It’s not an easy sacrifice to make, is it? GERTRUDE: I still have work to do. ERIC: Don’t you always.

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “You will forgive me if I withhold his name, as I have all the verification I need to be convinced he’s telling the truth, and I find it hard to believe any follow-up you’d be interested in doing would be beneficial for him. He’s earned his anonymity. […] Oh – one more thing: if you do try to follow up with my source – and I know you have your own ways of finding him should you wish – please be careful.”

The end of the letter was mostly about Gertrude’s safety, but still… Adelard mentioned shielding his witness from Gertrude, and that’s… something. Did she change her habits around the time she met Gerry (because he was Who He Was, or because she was more reluctant to serve The Eye now that The Watcher’s Crown was an identified threat), or was Gerry… not noticing that she was using her powers to that point…? Both Tim and Basira lauded Gertrude’s efficiency, but at the same time, we’ve been seeing a lot more of her terrible sides this season (Michael Shelley had been a huge one already, and we learned that she was planning to use Gerry to stop The Stranger, Eric mentioned her victims, Arthur was kept in place by her (how powerful and scary must have she been, to contain another monster?), and now we’re seeing Adelard relying on her but being wary of the harm she could do to others…)

(Also, Adelard had a tiny change of heart regarding Gertrude’s powers, between 2006 and 2009:

(MAG134, Adelard Dekker) “I have never envied you your position, Gertrude. I have never coveted your gifts, as I know the terrible costs that come with them. But honestly, trying to get a description of these… things, these “Inheritors” from Bernadette Delcour made me wish I could just pull the image from her lips, like you would have been able to.”

(MAG156, Adelard Dekker) “I do envy you your gifts sometimes, Gertrude. His account of their pursuit through the mirror-maze was so disjointed that I was honestly unable to follow it. Even after he tried to take me through it two, or even three times. Without The Eye’s clarifying influence, panic can make details… difficult to remember.”

Was it the frustration, pushing him to get a bit envious…? Three years is not a lot; had something happened to him in that timeframe…?)

- Ooooooooooh, so Martin actually followed up on his first interaction with a tape recorder this season:

(MAG126) MARTIN: You do you. Spool away, I guess. Just, you know, let me know if need some more batteries or something.

(MAG156) MARTIN: You know… I’ve been wondering about your batteries. Like, could I just take the batteries out each time one of you appears and just… have an infinite supply of batteries? I mean, I, I won’t, don’t worry. Don’t really have anything that needs them these days. … Also, I know there’s every chance you don’t even have any?, and it’s just empty, and… well… I’m not really sure that’s something I want to confirm.

(Gotta love how Martin went from benevolently offering assistance, to pondering out loud about harming. He did say that he wouldn’t do it, but… Martin. (By “love”, I mean: “I’m worried about Martin’s current state of mind.” But at the same time, I Understand, and the fact he’s not planning on doing it, and is just musing about it, is what matters. It’s a bit of a violent thought-process, but also a bit silly, carrying on with an idea that doesn’t serve any purpose. That’s so random. That really sounds like Martin?))

Isn’t it curious that he’s obsessing with those? … isn’t it a bit scary that the way the world “battery” has been used in season 4 was in the context of a “fear battery” (MAG135, Manuela Dominguez: “I never learned his name, never needed to; he was simply a battery. A ready source of constant terror I could draw on for my experiments.”). Are the tape recorders plainly powered by the scraps of Fears (or the static parts specifically?) of the statements or interactions we hear…?

- I’M SO SAD BUT SO GLAD THAT “MARTIN TALKING TO THE TAPE RECORDERS” IS STILL A THING…

(MAG098) MARTIN: Huh. Yeah, y’know, y’know what? A little privacy would be nice sometimes, okay? Not everything’s for you! You don’t need to listen to everything that we– … Alright, you know what? Y’know what… If you’re that eager, fine.

(MAG126) [CLICK–] [CLOCK IN THE BACKGROUND] [TYPING SOUNDS] MARTIN: [SIGH] Oh. Hello. Haven’t seen you in a while. [TYPING] … Really? I mean, it’s just admin. It’s not exactly thrilling listening. … Alright, fine. Whatever. You do you. Spool away, I guess. Just, you know, let me know if need some more batteries or something. [TYPING] … It’s because he’s back, isn’t it. [SIGH] He’s back, so now you’re going to be… around, again. Listening in. Mff. You missed him, didn’t you. … Yeah. … [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION] Yeah, me too.

(MAG154) [CLICK–] [CLOCK TICKING IN THE BACKGROUND] [TYPING SOUNDS] [COMPUTER MOUSE CLICKING] MARTIN: Oh. Right. [CHUCKLE] Hello, again. [TWO CLICKS, TYPING RESUMES] Look, sorry pal, [SHORT LAUGH] false alarm this time…! [ONE CLICK] Oh, unless… [SIGH] [TWO AGGRESSIVE CLICKS] [TO THE ROOM:] Peter!

(MAG156) [CLICK–] [CLOCK TICKING IN THE BACKGROUND] [PAPER RUSTLING] MARTIN: Hm? … Oh. [CHUCKLE] Yeah. [PAPER RUSTLING] I was gonna read one. Hate for you to miss it! [CHUCKLE] [PAUSE] You know… I’ve been wondering about your batteries. Like, could I just take the batteries out each time one of you appears and just… have an infinite supply of batteries? I mean, I, I won’t, don’t worry. […] Still, kind of nice to talk to some… thing. [INHALE] It’s always… quiet, these days. For me, at least. […] I mean, if you’ve got any thoughts, I’d love to hear them. … Hm? [SILENCE] No – didn’t think so. [LONG INHALE] That’s not what you’re here for, is it? [SIGH] No. You want this. [PAPER RUSTLING] Fine. [LONG INHALE] Fine, have it your way. As usual.

He is the only one to humanise them and talk to them directly (… except for Tim’s “Alright. I don’t know what you are. I don’t even know if you’re listening; I don’t care. Just, if you’re there, I want you to know that I hate you. I hate you for, for witnessing what has happened to us.” in MAG117) – even Jon is talking to them in third person? Except for a tiny humorous bit in MAG132 (“You’re coming with me! [SHORT CHUCKLE] Let’s do this one properly.”).

On the one hand, I’m glad because it’s So Soft and please, allow Martin to have a pet (which would stay alive :|), and on the other hand, it’s so sad, because those are one-sided conversations and it shows how desperate he is…? It feels like tape recorders are supplying him with the only interaction he’s now able to feel some comfort in – one-sided things, without any answers, just him talking to the void and to something that wants something from him without giving anything in return. And now, he also… stopped talking to Jon through them, only addressing the item and the recording act:

(MAG138) MARTIN: I don’t know what Peter’s planning, but my–my guess is that it might involve something below the Institute. Hopefully, by the time you get these tapes, I’ll have something more concrete for you. [PAUSE] Good luck, Jon, I– … [HUFF] Stay safe.

(MAG142) MARTIN: I should probably try to get him this tape, let him know what happened, that someone came in to… But then, ahah, would that just come across as an accusation? Like, because I don’t wanna… And then, then I guess he’d… hear this bit as well, so… I… I… [LONG EXHALE] What do I do…?

(MAG156) MARTIN: Anyway. I know he’s been listening to the tapes so, [INHALE] I guess that’ll have to do. I think I still care that he hears my voice. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. How much do I actually care; how much is just feeling that I should care.

;; He used to address Jon directly… Though he did seem in plain control of the recording in MAG138, contrary to MAG156. I wasn’t sure about his comment above, at first, but given his slight surprise when he saw the tape recorder… aouch, I think it implies that Martin wasn’t planning to record his reading this time around, and to only leave the statements for Jon and the other…? Or at least, that he isn’t sure anymore that the fact that he would be the one recording matters. And that’s… just… so sad…

- Sssso Martin’s spontaneous suspects about what could be inside A Spooky Tape Recorder are:

(MAG156) MARTIN: You know… I’ve been wondering about your batteries. Like, could I just take the batteries out each time one of you appears and just… have an infinite supply of batteries? I mean, I, I won’t, don’t worry. Don’t really have anything that needs them these days. … Also, I know there’s every chance you don’t even have any?, and it’s just empty, and… well… I’m not really sure that’s something I want to confirm. Or, I open up your compartment and it’s like, meat, or–or maggots, or something. … Mm. “Emptiness or maggots”…! It’s kinda the shape of things around here, isn’t it?

Flesh, Corruption and Lonely. It makes a lot of sense, since the three of them (through Jared, worms, Peter) terrorised him:

(MAG131) JARED: When we came up through the floor, it was wonderful. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on their faces. It was like their world had gone with the floor. The weak one legged it, and I thought the skinny one did too.

(MAG022) MARTIN: I think I might have… lost my mind a bit, then. It all… feels very… strange, blurry. I–I remember stamping and stamping as–as more made their way under my doorway. I–I remember grabbing every towel, sock, bit of fabric scrap that I could find, stuffing them under the door, into the cracks around the window. Anything where a slender worm might crawl I made airtight. And then I sat there and waited.

(MAG039) TIM: Martin’s gone. ARCHIVIST: I’m getting to that. Martin has disappeared. Tim was right about there being fewer worms down here, but they are much faster. More aggressive. None of us have been hit yet but… during one of the more alarming encounters, Martin ran off. TIM: He thought we were behind him, I think. ARCHIVIST: He didn’t think at all.

(MAG108) PETER: Do I scare you Martin? MARTIN:  Yes…! PETER: Hm. Probably for the best.

But I’m still squinting hard that one of the prime suspect should have been “spiders spinning inside”, and Martin, who loves spiders, who had specifically described Gertrude’s hidden room in the tunnels through an absence of webs (MAG040: “She was sat in a wooden chair in the middle of the room. No worms. No cobwebs. Just… an old corpse.”), didn’t raise that possibility, so MMMMMmmm…

- If Peter’s dying this season, I’m gonna miss him so much because he’s SO SHITTY…

(MAG156) MARTIN: [LONG SIGH] I just wish [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION] Peter would finally get round to telling me what we’re meant to be doing about it…! PETER: Then I have– MARTIN: [SURPRISED YELP] [CHAIR CLATTERING?] PETER: –good news for you! MARTIN: Peter, we have talked about this! PETER: In my defence, it is still quite funny. […] Excellent. I’m so proud of you, Martin. MARTIN: I really don’t care. PETER: Perfect.

I really really hope that he’s genuinely confusing Martin’s snappiness towards him as a general rejection of people – to me, it still feels like Peter Remains A Special Case and that Martin personally doesn’t like him? Well. Has grown fonder of/a bit more dependent on him than planned, certainly, since Martin still thought he was better than nothing:

(MAG149) MARTIN: Peter hasn’t rocked up with some more… “insights”? Haven’t seen him around for a while, actually. I mean… eh, it’s not like I miss him [CHUCKLING] but, at least he was someone to– [PAUSE] … Ah. [HUFF] [PAPER RUSTLING] Yeah, that makes sense. [EXHALE] A’ight, fine. Just… me on my lonesome for a while, then.

(MAG151) MARTIN: I can’t. Peter’s the one with the plan, and… it needs me to be alone. BASIRA: And you don’t see anything suspicious about that? MARTIN: Of course I do! But it… might be the only way and… [INHALE] So far, at least, he’s been honest with me. Awful, but… honest. I need to do this. For everyone.

But I don’t think that, unless it’s about Peter’s skills/knowledge, Martin would feel sad if Peter were to disappear. (… Or would he?)

- And AOUCH for that textbook manipulation bit of… suddenly rushing things. They’ve been static for so long, and now, just because Peter has said so, they have to act quickly – so Martin has less time for planning.

(MAG154) MARTIN: [EXASPERATED INHALE] So. What’s the news? PETER: I think we’re finally ready! MARTIN: Great. And does that mean I finally get to know what we’re ready for? PETER: Yes! Well… for the most part. To a certain degree, you really need to see it for yourself. […] If you need more time… MARTIN: I don’t. PETER: … Good! Because I was going to say there probably isn’t any. MARTIN: If it’s been down there all this time, how come we haven’t found it? Jon explored the tunnels pretty thoroughly, and Leitner was down there a lot. PETER: It’s very difficult to reach if you don’t know exactly where you’re going. MARTIN: … And you do? PETER: I will. By tomorrow, I should have my hands on a map, and then… we go. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … Right.

* Martin gets some time, but I’m not sure he’ll leave an audio testament for the others (especially since Jon had discovered the previous tapes sooner than he had planned), just like the assistants had done in MAG117. But maybe a letter…? I’m not even sure he would bother, but…

* What was The Thing that would suddenly require them to hurry things through…? Is it that Jon has found a way for the assistants to leave The Eye? Is it that Jon is coming closer to a breaking point, withdrawal-wise? Is it that Peter actually fears Julia&Trevor? Is it that someone/something (Annabelle, Adelard?) is ready to make their move against the Institute? Is it to mess with Martin, since Martin sounds ready? Is it because the end of 2018 is slowly coming closer and Peter would still need to act before the end of the Institute’s anniversary year and/or they’re approaching the exact anniversary date of its foundation? Is it because Elias is on the verge of breaking free from prison, and Peter is scared of the consequences given how he Lonely’d a few staff members and made a mess of the scheduling…?

(- Ahahahah, and no mention of Trevor&Julia around Martin… does he even KNOW they threatened Jon and the others, and could come back any moment? Does Peter know? Will they mess up their plans down in the tunnels…?

No mention of Melanie either – did Martin read her letter? Did some spiders snatch it up before anyone could read it, or did Peter take it far from Martin’s sight…? There must have been a huuuge commotion at the Institute when Melanie was taken by the emergency unit, did Martin even notice…?)

- Regarding Martin’s… apathy? comfort in his isolation? We had been warned by Peter, and Martin had mentioned pretty often that he was growing accustomed to this situation, but with this episode…

(MAG156) MARTIN: Still, kind of nice to talk to some… thing. [INHALE] It’s always… quiet, these days. For me, at least. I guess I technically have the power to make it not quiet, to… to talk to people, but like… You know, I–I also have the power to clean out the fridge, and it’s still a mess. It’s not that I don’t want to clean the fridge, it’s just… Some things are just hard…! Anyway. I know he’s been listening to the tapes so, [INHALE] I guess that’ll have to do. I think I still care that he hears my voice. It’s hard to tell, sometimes. How much do I actually care; how much is just feeling that I should care. I’m on my own so much these days, I… just wish I didn’t like it so much.

IT’S PLAIN DEPRESSION, MARTIN ??? There was still no mention of Melanie nor of her letter, but… if he has read it, it might have contributed to the numbness (everything is fading, collapsing, Martin is on his own and the other assistants are not his friends, have never have been, and he doesn’t know them much). And gosh, it sounds like Jon was spot-on about it in “Cul-de-Sac” (well, at least about the part about Martin being hit hard by The Lonely; Jon’s examples were… kinda optimistic, compared to what’s happening with Martin):

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. The Lonely is… possibly the most insidious of the powers, I believe. Certainly it is the one that… most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the Spiders seem to have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. [HUFF] “Time to yourself”, “self-care”, “putting yourself forward”… “not being a burden on those you care about”… [PAUSE] It doesn’t even need to tell you any lies; just waits for the lies you tell yourself.

It just feels so bad and sad, that… Peter’s grooming might be working? That Elias, who had guided Peter in Martin’s direction, is winning by proxy? That Martin is taking refuge in something that feels comfortable and is self-destructive at the same time, in something that actually makes him miserable? He doesn’t seem happy nor at peace, it just seems like Actually Facing things outside of his self-imposed goal (stopping The Extinction, protecting the others from afar) had become scary and too difficult, too… It just feels extra-double bad given how Peter had been around and “tying” Martin up in the Extinction plot when Martin was apparently at his lowest:

(MAG118) ELIAS: Your mother. MARTIN: [BREATHES SHARPLY] ELIAS: She’s always been… “difficult”, hasn’t she? You take care of her for years, feed her, clean up after her and now, with her condition degrading even further, she is the one that asked to move into a home, to have it left to the nurses! She is the one that refuses your visits. MARTIN: Sh– she’s always been– ELIAS: Strong-willed? Stubborn? No. No, Martin; you know the reason. Your mother… simply hates you. You just don’t know why! It’s not your fault. Though I know that isn’t any consolation, it’s just bad luck, really. How old were you when your father left? Eight? Nine? When you mother began to sicken and he decided he was done with you both. Not old enough to remember him with any great clarity, especially when your mother refused to keep any pictures of him. She never recovered from that betrayal. He just tore her heart right out!, and took it with him. The thing is, though, Martin: if you ever do want to know exactly what your father looked like… all you have to do~ is look in a mirror~ MARTIN: [HEAVY BREATHING] ELIAS: The resemblance is quite uncanny: the face of the man she hates, who destroyed her life, watching over her; feeding her; cleaning her; looking down on her with such pity– MARTIN: [RAGGED] Shut! Up! ELIAS: Do you want to know what she sees when she looks a you? [STATIC INTENSIFIES] MARTIN: [STRANGLED BREATHING AND CRIES] [FOR LONG] [LONG] [STRANGLED SOBS] [STATIC FADES OUT] ELIAS: Don’t. burn. any more. statements.

(MAG120) ELIAS: Hello, inspector. Martin. I’m… sorry to hear about Tim. MARTIN: Don’t. ELIAS: And Daisy, I suppose. MARTIN: Don’t. you. dare. ELIAS: I suppose it’s some consolation Basira made it out. And Jon – more or less.

(Season 4 Trailer) MARTIN: We really need you, Jon. Everything’s… It’s bad. I–I don’t know how much longer we can do this. We– … I need you. A–and… I know that you’re not… [PAUSE] I–I know th–there’s no way to… [PAUSE] But we need you. Jon. Jon, please, just… Please. If–if there’s anything left in you that can still… see us, or–or some power that you’ve still got, or–or, or something, anything – please! … Please… [SHAKY BREATHING, STRANGLED VOICE] I… I can’t…

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: You were attacked. … When? BASIRA: About two months ago. It was… it was The Flesh. ARCHIVIST: [MUTTERING] Oh god. BASIRA: Yeah, it was bad. We took them all out. Melanie did most of them. She was… she got a knife from somewhere and– ARCHIVIST: Basira, I… I don’t know if that’s a good sign…? BASIRA: … She saved my life, Jon. She saved all of us. I won’t forget that. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Fine… Fine. Haven’t seen Martin about yet? BASIRA: Yeah, he comes and goes. He’s busy. Well, he seems it. ARCHIVIST: Working for Peter Lukas. BASIRA: Don’t be too hard on him, Jon. Your, er… “situation”, it hit him. Hard.

(MAG134) PETER: Martin, this is what we agreed. After The Flesh attacked, you came to me. MARTIN: [SIGH]

(MAG127) BASIRA: … It was a few months back. After the attack. He’d started spending time with Lukas. At least, he said he was. And I wanted answers. He kept telling me to trust him, to hear the guy out even though he still wouldn’t actually show his face. I told him he could… drop me an email or vanish me. ARCHIVIST: … Right. BASIRA: Honestly, I kind of regret not just… grabbing Martin and shaking an explanation out of him. But I didn’t want to push it. He was in a… bad place, what with the attack and his mom and everything, so I didn’t press it. Now, I try and bring it up, he just… disappears. Nothing to be done. ARCHIVIST: So–sorry, you said… What happened with his mother? BASIRA: Oh, yeah. She died. About two months– ARCHIVIST: Oh… BASIRA: –after you, er… … Martin was… … He tried to stay strong. Keep it together but, that sort of thing… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] BASIRA: [SIGH] Then those Flesh things busted in, and well, here we are! ARCHIVIST: … God. BASIRA: He didn’t tell you? ARCHIVIST: No…

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: I, er… I heard about your mother. MARTIN: … Yeah. ARCHIVIST: I am… so sorry. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Thank you. [INHALE] It’s… [SHAKY EXHALE] It’s better, this way. ARCHIVIST: If–if you do need to talk, I– MARTIN: I can’t. ARCHIVIST: No. No, o–of course.

And ;; I know that there is probably not enough time left for this? But I still crave for Martin to actually talk about his feelings on what happened after MAG119 – having to bear with the knowledge that his mother hated him, learning about Tim’s death, witnessing Jon’s coma, seeing his mother die, all in the span of two months… Elias had already preyed on Jon and the assistants by binding them without their knowledge, by trapping Jon with a god he had never wanted or known about in the first place; but it feels even worse with Martin, given how he had to deal both with Elias’s actions and Peter’s looming over him, when he was specifically said to be vulnerable, when he was all alone, when he had lost so many people…? I want to hear Martin talk or scream about his feeeeliiiiiings, even if they’re dark and bitter and sad ;___; Let it go, Martin, please…

(- I’mmmm gonna be That Person (too) but I’m stubborn and I refuse to give up entirely on Web!Martin, or at least manipulative!Martin… ;;

I think, genuinely, that he might still be trying to double-cross Peter: not in the sense that Martin will try to get out of it alive, safe and sound (I think he’s absolutely going for a self-sacrifice), but in the sense that he is expecting Peter to have further plans, and is getting ready to pull Peter in the pit together with him as soon as an occasion arises. There has been a pattern in Martin’s way of checking his surroundings which, at least, screams to me that he has noticed how Peter operates, had been getting closer to Peter on purpose, and could be planning to get rid of the new threat just like he did the previous one:

(MAG134) MARTIN: [SIGH] [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION] MARTIN: So that’s it, is it? PETER: It is!

(MAG138) MARTIN: So… so what? What does it mean? Am I supposed to be reassured that new Entities can be born? That there’s some, some kind of… precedent for The Extinction? … Peter? [SILENCE] Huh. Maybe he has gone to a party.

(MAG144) MARTIN: Statement ends. [CLEARS THROAT] [INHALE, EXHALE] … Right. Another… statement. Another side to… Peter’s “Extinction”. I think. I… Y– I– [HUFF] I, I couldn’t follow some of his reasoning, but I think it was about… nuclear weapons, or… or maybe doomsday’s weapons…? In keeping with the theme, I suppose. [ARTIFICIALLY AND POINTEDLY] I just wish Peter would spend less time trying to convince me his new power is real, and more time telling me what he plans to do about it…! [SIGH] … And where I fit in. I mean, fine, I guess, I belie– [KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.] MARTIN: [SHORT SHAKY INHALE]

(MAG149) MARTIN: Sort of… surprised Peter hasn’t rocked up with some more… “insights”? Haven’t seen him around for a while, actually. I mean… eh, it’s not like I miss him [CHUCKLING] but, at least he was someone to– [PAUSE] … Ah. [HUFF] [PAPER RUSTLING] Yeah, that makes sense. [EXHALE] A’ight, fine. Just… me on my lonesome for a while, then. … Could be worse. … Peaceful, at least. … I don’t miss all the shouting. [CHUCKLE] Even if it w– [FOOTSTEPS IN THE DISTANCE, COMING CLOSER] MARTIN:  … Wait.

(MAG151) MARTIN: You–you know about that? BASIRA: Yeah. Jon found the tapes you made for him– MARTIN: SHH–SHH-SHH!! SHHHHH!!! BASIRA: [LOWER] Found a stash of them a while ago. I made sure he shared with the class. MARTIN: Oh, there you go, then!

(MAG154) MARTIN: Oh, unless… [SIGH] [TWO AGGRESSIVE CLICKS] [TO THE ROOM] Peter! [SILENCE] [INHALE] Look, Peter, I– [DOOR OPENS] ARCHIVIST: Martin! MARTIN: Oh, Jon! [DOOR CLOSES] God, don’t do that!

(MAG156) MARTIN: Another day, another Extinction scare. The more things change, I guess. [LONG SIGH] I just wish [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION] Peter would finally get round to telling me what we’re meant to be doing about it…! PETER: Then I have– MARTIN: [SURPRISED YELP] [CHAIR CLATTERING?] PETER: –good news for you!

Martin knows that Peter can be around at any time, listening and spying on him. He panicked when Basira mentioned his tapes, and the fact they still went on with their discussion about Martin’s activities behind Peter’s back really wasn’t the smartest thing (what if Peter was spying them, at that moment, and just chose to keep watching without intervening? There is a huge chance that it was the case, and that Peter will throw it into Martin’s face down in the tunnels) – but also… Martin didn’t say anything “new” or compromising in that discussion. If Peter was listening to their exchange, Martin didn’t give him much reason to worry about his loyalty towards him and their project: after the mention of the tapes (which was Basira slipping), Martin only said that he disliked Peter, that he wanted to see their plan through, and acknowledged that he wasn’t planning on coming back (he only inquired about Jon, but… from afar). Same thing when Jon rushed to his office to explain to him about the eye-gouging, to the point that Martin firmly rejected Jon’s offer to elope together, and convinced Jon that Martin had been lost (MAG154: “… The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?” “You know, I think it always did.”). Same with Daisy, in MAG144, which had shown Martin acting cold and biting, absolutely contrasting with MAG142… and the main difference was that, in the latter, Peter hadn’t shown up when Martin had expressed how lost he was and how he wanted to avoid confronting Jon, and that he didn’t care much about Daisy at that point.

I mean, it’s pretty clear that the Lonely “got” Martin, and that some of his ability to reach and be reached was deeply hurt in the process. But at the same time: Martin has understood that directly naming Peter, and snapping about him, tends to make him appear – and it feels so much like baiting Peter out? A way to get him in on Martin’s own terms? So given that he sounds like he’s extremely conscious of being under surveillance, potentially all the time, I’m not ruling out that he has been purposefully voicing some of his opinions in order to get on Peter’s good side. After all, it’s because they had observed Elias’s habits and how his powers operated that they had managed to trap him at the end of season 3; they already got rid of one Head of the Institute by manoeuvring around their weaknesses. So Martin could still be trying to repeat the same miracle, although sacrificing parts of himself in the process…?

As usual, doesn’t mean that it won’t go absolutely wrong but… At the very least, I don’t really see Peter&Martin acting as an absolute and undivided unit right now. Peter wants things from Martin, but the opposite is also true.)

- And so, we’re indeed heading towards Tunnels Stuff and it’s still a Mystery.

(MAG156) PETER: You know the tunnels, under the Institute? MARTIN: Ye–yes, I remember. PETER: Well. There’s something at the centre, a… let’s call it a “device”. Now – our biggest problem with The Extinction is lack of information. We know it’s emerging, but we don’t know how, or where. MARTIN: And this… “device” will help. PETER: Yes…! MARTIN: And I’m going to be the one to use it for you. PETER: I very much hope so. [PAUSE] If you need more time… MARTIN: I don’t. PETER: … Good! Because I was going to say there probably isn’t any. MARTIN: If it’s been down there all this time, how come we haven’t found it? Jon explored the tunnels pretty thoroughly, and Leitner was down there a lot. PETER: It’s very difficult to reach if you don’t know exactly where you’re going. MARTIN: … And you do? PETER: I will.

Helen had mentioned that there is something at their centre; Simon also thought that Peter wanted something specific in the Institute; Smirke had reminded Jonah that they had “constructed” something under Millbank, in the same statement in which he was warning Jonah against “wearing” The Watcher’s Crown…

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: They could have spread all the way through these tunnels, but they didn’t. They didn’t find Leitner down here, didn’t find… Gertrude’s body. Didn’t find… whatever else is here. HELEN: It is a maze. One of the reasons I like it. ARCHIVIST: Mm. [SILENCE] … I can’t see things properly here. I thought it was just me, something interfering with my connection to The Eye, but… I’m wondering. Maybe it affects everything else. Like this place is some kind of… “universal blind spot”. Everyone gets lost, down here. HELEN: What a fascinating idea. Although… some of us are always lost, in a sense. ARCHIVIST: Wait– Are you saying you can navigate it? HELEN: Not exactly. But my door has been part of these tunnels for some time, now. ARCHIVIST: Wh– [SPLUTTERS] What’s it hiding, wh–what’s in the middle? HELEN: A delightful surprise…! [LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, ECHOING] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]

(MAG151) SIMON: I don’t know the details. But I believe there’s something in the Institute that he thinks can help his cause. MARTIN: … And he needs me to use it. SIMON: Presumably – from what he said, it must be “powerfully aligned to The Watcher”. If he wishes to use it, it would need someone already touched by The Eye. And if he wants to control that someone… MARTIN: They need to serve The Lonely.

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I could not go easy to my grave without offering you one last plea for your restraint. What we built at Millbank should be left well enough alone, resigned to the nightmares of the reprobates and brigands contained within its walls. […] I am not a fool; I know well enough what this dream is likely to mean, and I warn you again that if you have any remaining ambitions to use our work, to try and wear The Watcher’s Crown, you must abandon them! Not simply for the sake of your own soul, but for that of the world!” […] MARTIN: I don’t know what he’s talking about when he mentions Millbank. The old prison, I guess? Tim said the tunnels under the Institute were all that was left of it, but… Jon said he’d checked them pretty thoroughly. [SILENCE] [SIGH] I’m not the one who knows all about this stuff…! I wish– … No. No, it’s fine, I’m… fine, I… [EXHALE] I can do this. I don’t know what Peter’s planning, but my–my guess is that it might involve something below the Institute.

And Martin was already suspecting that Peter was interested in the tunnels. (In the end, was that why Peter had given him Smirke’s letter to Jonah? Martin wasn’t sure why he had been given this one (MAG138: “So… so what? What does it mean? Am I supposed to be reassured that new Entities can be born? That there’s some, some kind of… precedent for The Extinction?”), and ended up assuming it was about Smirke’s typology, but the statement also had mentions of Smirke’s overall work and thought-process, to the point that Martin had nailed down that Peter’s interest probably lay with the tunnels under the Institute. So in the end, rather than proving to Martin that a new Fear could be birthed, maybe the main point of Peter handling Martin this statement was actually the tunnels themselves?

Peter didn’t seem absolutely firm on the word “device”, so I’m guessing that it’s a word which fits-but-doesn’t-really-fit, but what is iiiiit arrrg:

(MAG156) PETER: Well. There’s something at the centre, a… let’s call it a “device”. Now – our biggest problem with The Extinction is lack of information. We know it’s emerging, but we don’t know how, or where. MARTIN: And this… “device” will help. PETER: Yes…!

* An architectural structure based on Jeremy Bentham’s panopticon and actually designed by Smirke with Jonah Magnus’s help?

* The Watcher’s Crown, in a literal sense? (The two could be exactly the same thing; “watcher’s crown” could be the name of a structure… But Smirke had also warned Jonah not to “wear” it, so? What would be a thing that you can “wear”, physically or metaphorically speaking…?)

* Something something “crown” and “(an eye’s) corona” having the same root.

* The camera that Salesa had retrieved in MAG141’s statement? (If the tape recorder had clicked on for this statement and not for Jon’s previous four victims, then it means that this one contained something more important to their eyes (… to their plastic gears?); was it only because it was tied to Salesa, a recurring figure until now? Or was it specifically trying to nudge Jon in the direction of the camera?)

* It’s A Metaphor, The “Device” Is Jon Himself (but why specifically in the tunnels, then? Would he need to be afar from The Eye, since Jon was feeling weird down there?)

* The Not!Them? Leitner had reckoned it was trapped in the tunnels, probably not dead… It was powerful enough to rewrite a part of reality (and people’s memory), could it damage The Extinction in the same way…?

* A tomb, à la Schwartzwald, which may or may not have been (re)created thanks to the books Jonah had stolen from Albrecht? The tomb of Jonah himself? (Can’t be Albrecht’s body since Jonathan Fanshawe had burnt it, nor Barnabas’s since Elias said his bones were in his office…)

No idea, I’m mostly guessing that I’ll groan heavily and go “OF COURSE, URK” when it’s revealed. We still don’t know what the tunnels are, why “DIG” guy was feeling something focused on them, why Jon and Daisy felt so off while down there:

(MAG088, Enrique MacMillan) “so here I came. To tell my story, of course, but another thing as well; cold, empty and calling. There’s something here, you see. Something to be dug up, rooted out, buried within. A hollow space that all eyes point towards. And I intend to reach it, if my fingers don’t give out first. I know where to dig.” MARTIN: Uh, um, the, uh, the statement ends rather abruptly there. Based on a few scattered notes and accounts from some of the older staff, it sounds like Mr. Macmillan got in a bit of a fight, which led to his arrest, and the replacement of quite a bit of the floor in Jon’s office. There are still a couple of boards with marks on them that I’d always hoped weren’t fingernail scratches, but I guess…

(MAG120) ELIAS: He catches a glimpse of an advert above his seat: [STATIC INTENSIFIES] “DIG”.

(MAG114) ARCHIVIST: You alright, Daisy? DAISY: [NONCOMMITAL SOUNDS] BASIRA: Don’t think either of us like it down here. ARCHIVIST: Uh, well, no, me neither. Feels… DAISY: Empty. ARCHIVIST: Yeah.

And there is one more thing that’s still a bit weird, related to Martin’s discovery of Gertrude’s body:

(MAG040) ELIAS: Martin finding her body in the tunnels is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

(MAG040) MARTIN: I wandered for a while. It’s a, it’s a maze down there, Jon. I don’t know how far the passages go. Maybe miles. I think it must be the old Millbank Prison, like Tim was saying before. I even found some stairs at one point, but I really didn’t want to go down them. […] I wanted to get out of there. I was looking for a way up, but it felt more and more like I was trapped. Every turn just led me to another empty corridor. When I finally found a door, I thought it might actually get out, but instead… It was a small room. Square. There was dust on everything. Cardboard boxes were piled around. They were full of old cassette tapes. ARCHIVIST: That’s where you found her? […] Could you find the room again? MARTIN: I don’t know. Maybe. The police certainly expect me to, although I got the feeling they’re not too keen to explore the tunnels either.

(MAG041) ARCHIVIST: This place, it felt more organic in its unpredictability, as though it had been intended to be used, to be travelled, but had gotten twisted somehow. I found spaces that seemed intended as rooms but without doors. Elsewhere, there were doors that seemed simply attached to the walls. Most of these were firmly shut, though some opened to reveal the flat grey stone behind. Only a handful I opened had actual rooms behind them, and in every case I found myself wondering whether that was where Martin had found her. There was no way to tell. Even when the police finally found Gertrude’s body, they took it, chair and all, as well as all the tapes.

“No cobwebs” in Gertrude’s room; the police had some trouble finding her again, Jon wasn’t sure he would be able to, and Leitner didn’t mention anything to imply knowledge of Gertrude’s body being somewhere in the tunnels; and it was still… well-preserved enough for Martin to recognise her on sight? Now that I think about it, is the fact that Martin was somehow able to find Gertrude’s body the main reason why Elias threw him in Peter’s direction…? (Martin said he was terrified, when he was running. Was it “thanks” to his fears that he pushed through…?)

(It’s still so mysterious that, if it’s supposed to be The Eye’s place of ritual, Jon feels that his powers/his connection to The Eye are tampered with in there? If Smirke was aiming for a neutral ground, how did he manage to not make it an Eye stronghold while at the same time constructing something that could use The Eye’s powers?)

This is so exciting, because the tunnels have been part of the story for so long…! The worms had actually been there for a while during the second half of season 1, before they began to pour out when the spider made Jon notice their presence behind the wall (MAG038); it’s where Tim&Jon&Martin briefly took shelter (MAG039), and where the worms attempted to build their portal; it’s where Martin was revealed to have discovered Gertrude’s body (MAG040); Jon began exploring them all through season 2 (starting MAG041); it’s where Not!Sasha ultimately tried to kill him (MAG079) before Leitner stepped in to save him; it’s mostly where Leitner had been hiding for six years (MAG080); it’s where the assistants began to clearly scheme against Elias in season 3 starting with MAG103; it’s how Tim was navigating in and out of the Institute while avoiding everyone (MAG114); it’s where Jon and Basira removed Melanie’s bullet (MAG125); where Helen was revealed to have trapped Jared (MAG131); and Jon has been coming down there recently again (MAG152)… They’ve been with us for so long, it feels a bit surreal to finally (maybe) get more information about what they are, what the intent behind their creation was, and what they could do…?

- Other obvious question is: what is the map Peter intends on getting, and how will he get his hands on it? In order of Least to Most cursed:

* It’s… extremely interesting that we already got a similar configuration with many of the elements that are currently relevant, with The Great Twisting: an expedition to stop an apocalypse, Peter Lukas being there, a map showing the way although the place should be full of deceit:

(MAG101) MICHAEL: Even when they arrived in Dikson, at the edge of the Kara Sea, and they were picked up by a quiet sea captain called Peter Lukas… Even then he trusted her. […] There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. […] But Gertrude Robinson had given poor, disposable Michael one more thing before sending him to me. She had given him a map. I couldn’t say how she would have gotten such a thing, or if she somehow made it. And yet it was a map. A map to me. It made no sense, lines overlapping and inverting, but once within, Michael knew which turns to make, which doors to open, which mirrors to shatter. Until he became me.

… and the presence of the Distortion.

We still don’t know how/where Gertrude had obtained that map – if it’s never ever relevant again, I will keep assuming it was a random, inconsequential map (and that what mattered was that Michael Shelley thought it would give him a direction, because he trusted Gertrude), but it’s still an open question at this stage. Interesting things in current events: the Distortion is currently (not) identifying as “Helen”, and Helen Richardson was good with maps, due to her profession (she had been able to draw one for Jon in MAG047); and we don’t know who sent Jared after “the Archivist”/the archival assistants, but the Distortion popped right at that moment to save them, and that event was apparently what led to Martin finally agreeing to collaborate with Peter in exchange for the others’ protection. Given how Michael-the-Distortion had called itself “the throat of delusion incarnate” and how Leitner had mentioned one of his assistants was calling it “esmentiaras” (… “es mentira”/“es mentiroso”?)… there could still be some backstabbing from the Distortion behind Jon’s back, whether it’s for fun or because it’s trying to play all the others, as a revenge against The Eye and The Lonely collaborating to counter The Great Twisting back then…? Or would that be too “coherent” for it…?

* Salesa has many spooky items, and he’s gonna be revealed to be a provider of maps too.

* Leitner’s spooky copy of The Seven Lamps of Architecture, which he had himself used to change the tunnels. Given that Leitner got pipemurder’d, Elias probably got his hands on the book?

* A map done by Tim, because Martin mentioned Leitner and Jon, but we know that Tim had also been navigating through the tunnels, and he was the most familiar with Smirke’s work – something that Martin himself had acknowledged this season in MAG138. (And also: because I miss Tim, and because I’m still so ??? that he has barely been mentioned at all this season, especially compared to how Sasha had been such an open wound in season 3…?)

* Elias had one that had been directly created by Smirke, stored somewhere in the Institute, and either tipped Peter about it, either Peter found it on his own?

* RELATEDLY, I would invite Patreons to reread the Artefact Storage Inventory that was provided as a bonus, because UHM, that first item? sounds absolutely like a miniature/reproduction of the tunnels reflecting what is happening to them?! (Down to the details of the carcasses – the report is dated from the end of 2016 so… after Prentiss’s attack.)

* Peter going to see Jon asking him to “Know” about the tunnels’ architecture, insisting heavily that Martin might die if he gets lost inside of them? (And giving his own statement as a restorative.)

* Adelard Dekker, at last? I still really don’t think that Peter and him were friends, though (/and if someone has killed Adelard, my bet is that Peter was responsible for it).

* Annabelle popping up to provide direction? Tough Peter didn’t seem to be in touch with The Web much (he wasn’t sure why they didn’t have a ritual, and he was wary of Martin having been influenced by ~something~, in MAG134).

* They’re in the tunnels, Martin is snapping snappily at Peter about the lack of direction, rants about the fact that of course, Peter didn’t bring any map in the end, and surprise!Elias pops up in the corridor, “I am Map.” (Martin screams and it’s heartbreaking because he has thrown Elias in prison, only for Elias to reveal that he could come out whenever.)

* You know who was good at finding his way (out)? MAG100’s dinner guy. He comes back to lead the way. With his DOG. Martin gets his feelings back and cries; meanwhile, somewhere in the Archives, Basira shudders and suddenly wants to scream.

- And what fate is supposedly awaiting Martin…? Martin was expecting a self-sacrifice, Peter finally confirmed that it would be in a way that is not lethal:

(MAG126) MARTIN: … When all this is over, I’m telling him everything, with or without your permission. PETER: Martin… when it’s over, you won’t want to. MARTIN: … Mm. PETER: But he will be safe. They all will. MARTIN: … Yeah.

(MAG138) ELIAS: But no. This is too important for me to jeopardise with cheap “mindgames”. I simply have to trust that when the time comes, you’ll make the right choice.

(MAG151) BASIRA: You’re not expecting to come out of this, are you? MARTIN: … I’ll do what I have to. If I’m right… no one else needs to get hurt. [SILENCE] BASIRA: [SIGH] … Okay. You want to do whatever “grand sacrifice” you think is going to save everyone, go ahead. But you’d best be sure you’re not just playing their game. MARTIN: I know what I’m doing. BASIRA: We’ll see. [PAUSE] Don’t make me regret this. MARTIN: Yeah… [PAUSE] Don’t… tell Jon. [SILENCE] Please.

(MAG156) MARTIN: Will I be coming back? PETER: You’re not going to die, if that’s what you’re asking, but… no. If all goes well, you won’t be. MARTIN: [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] PETER: How does that make you feel? MARTIN: … Nothing. [SNORT] Nothing at all…!

What is a thing that could mean “not coming back”…? Is it metaphorical, and related to the idea that Martin would die and not come back as the same (kind of what was expected for Jon between season 3 and season 4)…? Is it physical? And then, what would it mean: that Martin will get sealed in The Lonely together with The Extinction? That he’ll be stuck Beholding it as long as he can, inside of a panopticon? That he would be freed from the Archives in another way, and would be cut off from The Eye? That he would leave with Peter for unknown reasons? … Or is it a bit more bastardly from Peter, and actually related to the fact that he’ll reveal to Martin at the last moment that Martin has to do something terrible to stop it, and that the “not coming back” would be because Martin would be too crushed and ashamed to want to come back…? (Maybe the “right choice” according to Elias doesn’t necessarily mean following Peter’s ideas, as long as they take care of The Extinction?)

On the one hand, we got maaaany signals introducing us to the idea that no, Martin is done for – kinda like we had gotten with Tim, and there was no subversion for Tim, it didn’t prevent Tim from indeed dying just as announced. On the other hand, I really don’t “feel” like we’re absolutely saying goodbye to Martin right now…? But how could Martin “come back” after all of this, indeed, and go back to being an assistant, or close to Jon…? (At the same time, I would be super interested in seeing that!! ;; Martin coming back from his awful experience, and being barely able to communicate with other people without snapping or rejecting them instinctively, and still not being fine around people… but gradually learning to manage a bit again (before the end of season 5 would hit even harder.)). (I also doubt that Jon would keep holding on for very long, if Martin disappears, so it would mean losing our two main leads in one go…? It’s still a possibility, but I’m really not sure.)

The Web has been watching, at the very least, so it could hijack whatever Peter is planning for himself and The Lonely while still slowing down The Extinction if that’s in its interests too… I still like to think that the Spiders have a grudge against Peter for taking Brian, and what better way to get their revenge than to thwart Peter’s plan and/or snatch Martin right under his nose?

37th episode of past seasons: Jon being dead-set on keeping the table that would kill Sasha two episodes later (season 1), Jon listening to Gertrude’s tape labelled “Changeling/Imposter” because Melanie had made him suspicious of Sasha in the previous episode, and beginning to realise that Sasha might have been killed, leading to their confrontation (season 2), the Archives team’s statements/testaments, including Jon’s decision to “trust” them despite it all (season 3), a few days before they would head off towards The Unknowing… So ;; Could be a “breather” before action, could be the beginning of action itself in this one.

MAG157’s title is… very broad? Statement-wise, it obviously screams Corruption, but I’m also reminded of how The Lonely seemed corrosive on the Tundra…? It would also fit for, let’s say, another of the letters describing Jonah Magnus’s activities, I guess (whether it’s nailing down his personality, or whether it’s mostly assumptions). There is also Raymond Fielding that that Web apple…?

It’s the second meaning I’m mostly curious about, because it could be referring to so many things. A place: the Institute or the tunnels themselves? The entities, the Eye in particular? A body filled with eyes (again)? A person meeting that description: and then we would have many to pick from (Jonah Magnus, since it calls back to Jon’s conclusion about his character after MAG127’s statement; Peter; the Lukas family overall; Gertrude; Elias himself, since Jon had snarked about this too in season 3…?)