#way already like RADIATED snivellus

[shawolsos]

Hello, I am once again pushing my Charlie/Babe = James/Lily agenda.

[polychr0matic]

Pour a little salt. ~ S.B.

Author’s Note: This was just something I wrote because I had a bad day and needed to have something good to come out of it, which I think this is??? Been years since I’ve shared my writing so this may be terrible, sorry. ☹️ It’s also kind of incomplete. Perhaps a series if people respond well? Anyway, happy reading!

TW: Some self-deprecating thoughts and dialogue, Ravenclaw ‘reader’, no use of Y/N, brief mentioning of Wormtail and Snape.

Don’t look in the mirror. Don’t look in the mirror. Don’t look in the mirror. It was the current mantra that was ceaselessly repeating in my head and coincidentally, the only thing keeping myself from tumbling over the ledge into the abyss below. For now. I haven’t the foggiest idea how I got here or how I came to be like this, but it seemed like there was nothing that was going to change anytime soon. Might as well learn to deal. Right?

I inhale deeply through my nose and slowly blink a couple of times, allowing the surrounding world to come back into focus, a welcome distraction perhaps. Same deep blue drapes and bedding, clothes strewn about, spare bits of parchment and quills littered on bedside tables and even on the floor, Pandora’s crystal collection placed sporadically - even though she will say it’s intentional - on every windowsill and lately, popping up in our socks. It was what I was used to seeing day in and day out, never changing, making a mockery of me as if I didn’t already know. Tiresome. Frustrating. Pointless. Could not have chosen three better words in my humble opinion. A sigh soon escapes and I shake my head vigorously in an attempt to get back on track. So much for a distraction, eh?

With a quick, and stupid, look back over my shoulder, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and I struggle not to react, only managing to take in the ghastly bags under my eyes and the monstrosity, that some might call hair, piled on top of my head. Why did you do that? Nothing good ever comes of it. You never learn. I flinch, reeling back a bit before swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. One would think I would be used to the commentary that just so happened to swirl through my mind as if it owned the place, but no - I’d never be that lucky.

~

I somehow managed to make it to almost all of my lessons that day without incident. Until Potions. The positive affirmations I had given myself to recite quietly clearly weren’t enough since it only took one single moment to unravel everything completely and send me into a deep spiral. Not that I was doing all that great to begin with, mind you, but I liked to think I had a pretty decent handle on things.

I was in my 6th year at Hogwarts and somehow ended up in Advanced Placement Potions with Slughorn at the end of the day, how thrilling, and let’s just say that nothing was going my way. We were working on Scintillation Solution and apart from putting incorrect amounts in, I was also hellishly allergic to the powdered unicorn horn and of course this particular potion used quite a bit of it. Unavoidable contact at best. Nevertheless, I grit my teeth and got to work, hoping that I would have something that would at least get a passing mark. Oh how wrong I was.

The space next to mine was taken up by none other than Snivellus Severus Snape, one of the most gifted in Potions, and from the moment Slughorn began, I could sense the animosity radiating off of him. Was it directed at me? No… It was for James Potter, who had arrived before anyone else to take up Severus’ usual spot next to Lily Evans, a self-satisfying smirk set upon his face. Which means I got the shit end of the stick. Wonderful.

I keep my eyes averted and focused dutifully on my Scintillation Solution, not paying the greasy git a single lick of attention, until my wand slips from my fingers and in a desperate attempt to catch it before it makes its new home in my smoking cauldron, I end up flinging powdered unicorn horn… Everywhere. I begin to cough, rough and grating, as the particles sneak their way into my sinuses, coating my skin and robes, the table; yeah, I wasn’t kidding when I said it was everywhere. And to make matters worse, like the allergic reaction I was having wasn’t enough, I even managed to get some on, you guessed it, Snape. The world must really hate me.

“Are you that incompetent that you can’t even hold onto your wand without making a proper mess? And you’re supposed to be a Ravenclaw,” Snape sneered with a distasteful curl of his upper lip. “You should be resorted back into Hufflepuff for how daft you are. And to think, I could’ve been sitting next to Lily.”

Now, in hindsight, he could’ve said a lot worse. Truly. I just couldn’t stomach it. Not after how I was this morning, head in a tizzy, not knowing which way was up, down, or sideways. It hit a little differently and I felt the familiar prickling sensation behind my eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I bite down on the fleshy inside of my cheek and clench my hands into fists, already feeling my body begin to shake and drop in temperature. I felt cold. Detached. I needed to get the every loving fuck out of here.

“Oh! My dear! Are you alright?” Slughorn. I swallow thickly and keep the tears at bay with all of my might before glancing up at the greying Professor with a tight smile, “Splendid. Although, I wouldn’t mind a trip to the Hospital Wing if that’s alright, Professor.”

“Of course, of course! I will excuse you for the rest of the lesson and come see me after Madam Pomfrey tends to you, I will allow you to redo your Scintillation Solution at a later date.”

I flash another tight smile in thanks as I shove my wand into my robes, grab my bag, and hightail it out of there. I catch the concerned looks from Lily and Sirius on the way, but with a slight shake of my head, I dismiss them both, classroom door slamming shut behind me.

~

“Madam Pomfrey fixed you right up! You look right as rain now!”

“Thanks Pete.” I squeeze his shoulder and offer my usual tight smile, not wanting to offend the poor guy when he meant well enough. “I feel much better as well.” Liar.

James tore his eyes away from the petite redhead in the corner that was currently talking with Marlene McKinnon to spare a glance my way, a small frown taking root on his lips, “Are you sure? Snivellus looked pretty pissed and I can’t help but feel responsible. I mean, I did take the only seat he sits in.”

I roll my eyes and wave him off, not wanting his sympathy nor his guilt. A witch could only bear so much after all. “Don’t let it tie your wand in a knot. I’m rubbish at Potions, so something would’ve happened regardless of who was sitting there.”

The curly haired Marauder opened his mouth to speak again before Remus cuts in, “You aren’t rubbish at Potions. I’ve seen your marks and believe me, there are worse.” Always the gentleman.

“Yeah! Can’t be worse than Wormtail. He didn’t even make it into Advanced Placement Potions, the tosser.” Sirius.

“HEY!”

A chuckle passes through my lips and I flick my line of vision upwards only to be met with storm clouds, seeming to swirl around as they observe silently. I momentarily lose my breath and cough into a fist, looking away but not before catching the knowing glint flash within the grey.

~

Ah, Friday. Last day of lessons and I happened to have bribed Remus with copious amounts of chocolate that I would buy at Honeydukes next Hogsmeade trip for his in-depth notes for Ancient Runes. Seriously, always a gentleman. Despite the bribe, oops.

It was cool outside, wind crisp and causing the fallen leaves from The Whomping Willow to rustle around, the spidery branches whipping around in irritation, and my skin grew cold as a result. I guess the cream colored jumper I chose to wear wasn’t doing a very good job at keeping me warm. Pity. I rub my hands together as I walk along the winding path that led down to Care of Magical Creatures, thankful that I seemed to be the only student bonkers enough to be wandering about with the wind being the way it was. I wasn’t much of a people person and the thought of having to actually hold a conversation of merit made my skin crawl. I shudder with a shake of my head and kick a couple of stones on the path, watching as they skitter off into the grass, thoroughly enjoying my own form of entertainment.

CRACK!

CRACK!

CRAAAAACK!

“Oh for the love of MERLIN!”

Sirius? What the hell was he doing out here? And where the hell was he at? My brow furrows as I follow the source of the noise and Sirius’ voice, coming to the edge of The Forbidden Forest. Of course the arse would go in there. I mean, why wouldn’t he? I should know better by now at this point really.

I step past the tree line with a squint of my eyes, even when there was still light in the sky it was darker than ever within, and call out, “Sirius?”

Nothing.

“Sirius, is that you?!”

Nothing.

“SIRIUS!”

“OOF!”

I land on the ground. Hard. Rocks and fallen branches dig into my back as I groan, beginning to wiggle around wildly to get out from under the crushing weight on top of me. My ribs were digging into my lungs and I wheeze, pushing my hands against a solid chest and beginning to shove. “Get off of me!”

“Sorry darling. I didn’t see you there.”

I huff, “Clearly.”

There’s a flash of white and a reverberating chuckle before the weight is lifted, Sirius Black now plopped beside my still flat form, casually sitting cross-legged like he hadn’t just knocked the damn wind out of me seconds before. I sit up and brush off my arms before zeroing in on the sharp Aristocratic features of the eldest Black brother. “What the devil are you doing out here in The Forbidden Forest? Full moon isn’t until next week so spare me the pathetic story of ‘preparing things for Moony’, please.”

Sirius simply stares; eyes twinkling with amusement they looked like molten silver today and the infamous signature smirk playing at his lips, “And to think I was under the impression that everyone bought that story time and time again. Guess I was wrong on that one, eh?”

“Obviously.”

“Okay Severus.”

“What did you just say?”

He holds up his hands then, slender fingers adorned with rings that matched his eyes and the knuckle tattoos that he and James thought were an ingenious idea one night after a bottle of Firewhiskey. “Nothing darling. Nothing.” Our eyes meet once more and I feel a warmth spread from the top of my head and down the length of my spine, goosebumps pebbling up as I shiver. The fuck was that? “Right. Are you going to answer my question or sit and stare some more?”

“I think I could stand to sit and stare for just a bit longer.”

If there were ever an Order of Merlin for the biggest eye roll one singular person could perform, I would’ve won. “Fine, be an arse. I’m leaving.” And with that, I stand and brush some more leaves off, stalking back towards the tree line and the awaiting path that led back up to school.

“Oi! Wait a minute! Let me walk you back!”

I ignore him and keep making a beeline up the path, Hogwarts being my destination and I needed to get there. Quickly. All I wanted was to get back to my dorm so I could get warm. I swear it had gotten ten degrees colder since being in and leaving the forest. I was shivering like mad now and I didn’t see it letting up until I got inside.

“Hey! WAIT!”

I don’t know why I stopped, but I did and with an exasperated sigh escaping my throat, “Bloody hell, Sirius! What do you want?! I’m freezing my tits off and I want to get inside!” I whirl around and cross my arms over my chest, hands buried into my armpits to starve off the chill, and fire in my eyes. I truly loved all of The Marauders, but I was at my wits end with this particular member of the group and he was about to see my wrath if he didn’t tread lightly.

Sirius stopped a few feet in front with raised eyebrows, that same bit of amusement still present, “No need to bite my head off. I told you I would walk you back and I intend to do so. Even if you are particularly cranky today and have been for the last few days might I add.”

“Cranky? I’m not cranky. I already told you that I’m freezing and want to get inside. Not my fault you can’t take a hint.” I bite back, taking a step further back as Sirius mimics by taking a step closer. The man was infuriating, I tell you.

The taller male looks even more amused, probably just to spite me, and takes another step closer, “I’m actually very good at taking hints, so with that point being made, allow me to elaborate further just to show you how right I am…” His tongue flicks out to lick his lips just as he takes another step, but this time I have the mind to step back again. “Why do you keep moving away when you clearly don’t want to?”

My breath catches in my throat and I freeze, eyes widening a fraction before I force a look of indifference, “What are you on about, Sirius?”

“I think you perfectly well know.”

“I don’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Hm.”

That one little syllable grated on my nerves more than a full blown soliloquy would’ve and I clench my jaw, turning on my heel and practically sprinting up the rest of the pathway until a hand wraps around the upper part of my arm, putting all movement to a halt.

Bloody HELL.

“Wha-?!”

“I said I was walking you back, so no snarky comebacks. Just walk.”

Well, alright then.