#we didn’t even look up a cost cause based on those factors and the fact that it’s not cheap I decided against it

[l3irdl3rain]

Could you do a fundraiser for the medicine for Mac?

I appreciate this so much but it’s only partially about the cost. With senior/hospice pets at some point you have to accept that it’s time to stop chasing after things. He still gets his other medicines obviously but there are some things where the cost/benefit factor just isn’t in its favor. And that includes financially, other medical risks, and discomfort for the animal.

I’m comfortable with what I’m doing, Doc is comfortable with what I’m doing, and Mac is still happy and comfortable. He’s just extra sleepy and likes to snuggle under blankets because he gets cold. Neither of those things are terribly uncomfortable, and frankly it’s pretty normal even for a much healthier older cat.

What is going to happen with Maccready is he’s slowly going to fade. He’ll eat less, he’ll sleep more, and he’ll either go in his sleep or it’ll just be time to euthanize. We could have a week, we could have months. It’s not likely to be real long unfortunately, but I’ve had him much longer than I ever could have hoped.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 38

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 4.7k

; Warnings: Slight mentions of body insecurity/self-hatred

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Only two more chapters after this one! I apologise if this isn’t good or anything...I wrote it all today as I wanted to make sure I keep hitting one a week for you! This should mean that Flower should officially end in two weeks! 😢 it’s sad to think about but I hope you’ve all enjoyed the journey with me too! Also...once you’ve read the chapter then you might want to look at this link....it’s an important link

; Flower Masterpost

-

The dress shop you’d chosen for today was exactly how you’d imagine a wedding dress shop to look inside. The elegant interior design gave everything an expensive appearance; creams and golds and muted greens tastefully blended throughout the furniture and the walls. While you knew that wedding dresses weren’t cheap anyway, the whole atmosphere of the shop made it all appear so much more costly.

You had no real idea of how you were meant to find a wedding dress, and your first suggestion of just ordering one offline had almost given Chungha and Soyeon a heart attack. Even Hoseok had looked at you a little funny when you’d mentioned it, making you realise quickly that you’d made a bad decision.

Just ordering one from the internet wasn’t a good choice because you likely wouldn’t get the dress you imagined. Plus, Chungha had pointed out that you had no idea whether you’d even like the dress in person or whether it would look good on you.

That had been all you needed to realise that going to a store would be the best option. You were just a little nervous about it, worrying that they might not even have wedding dresses that would fit you or something. Or that you’d look too fat in front of everyone or you’d rip a dress accidentally.

Despite the reassurance your best friends had given you, you were still convinced that you weren’t going to find a dress you liked. Maybe a dress that didn’t look half-bad as long as you didn’t look in a mirror or any photographs in the future. You may have come a long way in terms of self-acceptance, but you still had your moments of doubt and self-hatred.

Formal events were most definitely one of them. The knowledge that your wedding was supposed to be the one time that you would look perfect and be the centre of attention was horrifying for two reasons. One, you were terrified that you’d just end up highlighting the fat on your stomach or your arms and two, you still hated being the centre of attention.

Already you’d been discussing with your therapist about this, pointing out that you were dreading your wedding day instead of being excited. Hoseok was understanding of it as well and was trying to help you overcome the issues and instead get you hyped up for it, but the knowledge that everyone would be focused on you was nauseating.

How did people enjoy it?

Still, you’d searched around for dress shops that looked to be friendly and held the kind of styles that you’d be most interested in before finding the best looking one. You knew there was every chance you might not find a dress you liked here so you also had a list of backup stores to visit at a later date.

For today though, you had your mom, Hoseok’s mom and your best friends here with you. All the people who would give you the right advice about what dress to pick. You’d told them all to be honest as the last thing you wanted was for them to try and cheer you up by lying.

At the moment, you were sitting on one of the couches that were set around the small room as you waited for the assistant to come back. The store had three rooms that were used for bridal parties to try on dresses and pick their favourites, away from anyone else who might happen to wander by. You’d like the privacy it offered which had been another factor in choosing them.

Before attending, you’d specified the types of dresses that you’d prefer to try on and the colour schemes. Upon arrival, she’d looked over your body with a critical eye that had made you feel uncomfortable before disappearing out of the door once more. As she had a lot of experience in helping brides find the perfect dress, she was now weeding out the dresses that she knew for a fact wouldn’t suit you.

Maybe someone else wouldn’t like that, but you appreciated the extra effort. Plus, you knew that you could always ask to see them if you didn’t find any from the dresses that had been specifically picked out for you to try today. You figured that you’d let her get on with it though. She had way more experience than you did in this area.

You were nervous though, your leg bouncing quickly while your fingers were tapping at your jean-clad thigh. Everyone else just seemed to be excited but the large mirror on one end of the room filled you with dread. What if you looked fat and ugly in every dress? You wanted to look perfect but you weren’t unrealistic. There was only so much to do with an average base, after all.

Unsurprisingly, your mom notices your quiet and shy demeanour. Not that you were naturally outgoing anyway, but mom’s notice these things. 

Reaching over from where she’s sat next to you, her hand firmly takes your own and presses it against your leg, stopping it from jerking. Glancing over to her, she gives you a soft smile before running her fingers along your cheek in a gentle movement.

“What’s wrong? Worried?” Nodding self-consciously, you try to avoid her gaze as you feel heat spread through your body. Even your fingers tingle with embarrassment, not wanting to cause a scene in front of everyone.

“Aren’t I supposed to be worried?” 

“No, you’re supposed to be excited. But don’t think about what you’re supposed to be. Just enjoy the moment and have fun dressing up!” She encourages you, giving you a bright smile while squeezing your hand. It attracts Soyeon’s attention from your other side, causing her to stop chatting with Chungha and Hoseok’s mom on the opposite couch.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Now it’s her turn to try and comfort you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder before hugging you tightly. It causes you to smile softly before looking at her, shrugging underneath her embrace.

“Nothing. I’m just...you know me. If there’s one thing I can stress over then I will.” You can almost hear the audible sigh in the room. There’s no doubt that it’s not meant maliciously, but you know that everyone was probably hoping that you’d be able to enjoy today and get excited. Instead, you’ve just made it clear that they have damage control to do.

“What are you stressing over? Not finding the right dress today? The wedding itself? The cost?” The questions are peppered at you from your mom and each one is almost right. As excited as you were to get married to Hoseok, you’d never been one of those girls who fantasize about a wedding. As such, you’d never particularly cared to pay attention to what weddings require.

What Hoseok and you had discovered over the last few months was that weddings required a lot of money and a lot of different people involved. The florist, the venue, the interior design of the room, invite makers, catering, suit makers, wedding dressmakers and so much more. It was a headache to think about and you’d tried to get everything sorted as quickly as you could and for something that wasn’t going to bankrupt you both.

Despite that, you were still looking forward to finally getting to marry Hoseok. It was just the whole process getting there that was causing you anxiety. You wanted to look your best for him. Blow his socks off and all that jazz.

“Yes and no. It’s stupid,” Your voice lowers, almost to a whine. “You’ll think I’m being stupid.”

“Hey...no. No, we won’t. You know we won’t, we never have.” That comes from Chungha and you can see that she’d like to be part of the ‘physically comforting’ crew. But there’s not enough space for her, so she’s relegated to just talking to you from over the glass coffee table between both couches. There’s a fresh bouquet in a pretty vase on the tabletop alongside copies of wedding magazines scattered along the surface.

A quick, unsure glance takes in Hoseok’s mom and you feel even more anxious as you wonder whether she’s judging you. Is she unhappy at what she sees? Uncertain whether or not she wants her son to marry you after getting to witness firsthand your anxiety and fears? You know that she knows about that stuff. Hoseok had told her over the years with your permission, but it was another thing entirely to see it in person.

There’s no judgement in her eyes though and it settles you a little. Instead, there’s concern, a frown on her forehead as she leans forward and watches you closely.

Swallowing, you sigh before finally deciding to just be honest with them. You needed their support right now and you wanted to be excited about picking a dress. This was going to be the dress that you’d remember forever. The one that you hoped would make Hoseok cry when he saw you.

“I just am worried. That...you know...I won’t look good. In my dress. Or any dress. Or that I’ll look fat. Like it’ll highlight my fat bits or something. I know he’s going to look gorgeous because he’s always beautiful and a suit is just going to make him stunning. So I’m afraid that I won’t look good next to him.” The little ball of anxiety in your stomach is growing bigger as you speak, paralysing your chest and making it a little harder to breathe as you imagine all the ways a dress could highlight your bad points.

Your mom can tell, purely, by the way your movements beneath her hand start to get a little more forceful as you try to fidget. She presses down a little harder, forcing you to stop and look at her. There’s so much love in her eyes, but you also see the concern and upset.

“You’re going to look beautiful, sweetheart. You know why? Because you’re already beautiful! Everyone will be in awe of you, thinking you’re the prettiest girl in the room on the day and that’ll be because you will be. Because you are.” She finishes, squeezing your hand while a firm smile is pressed onto her face.

“She’s right,” Hoseok’s mom interrupts, causing you to look over and see that she has her supportive smile. “You’re going to look amazing. And as someone who knows my son pretty well, I have every confidence that he’s going to cry like a baby when he sees you. Hoseok thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. You in a wedding dress is just going to be the cherry on top.”

That makes tears fill your eyes as your breath catches. Pulling your hand away from your mom’s grasp, you wipe at them daintily before sniffing. You’d carefully applied makeup this morning in a possible replica of what you might want your wedding makeup to look like. Smoky eyes and a neutral lip with a subtle natural look to your face. The actual makeup would be more in-depth but you figured this would be enough to get an idea with the dress included.

Before you can say anything in response to her, the door opens up again and a moveable clothing rail is rolled inside. It’s loaded with beautiful dresses, all carefully wrapped up in plastic or paper to keep them pristine for their potential bride to try on. The sight of them makes your stomach knot up in both anticipation and fear.

Your assistant, Fatima, closes the door behind her before giving you that brilliant white smile, full of customer service as she gestures to the dresses.

“Okay, so I’ve kept almost all the ballgown style dresses. I know you said that was your ideal silhouette and I’ve picked out all the ones in ivory for you. There’s only one or two that are shoulderless. I know you said you weren’t fond of that but there are some really pretty ones that I think would work with your body. Minimal lace as well though there’s one or two with some nice designs on them.” Standing, you head over to the rail and gently finger through the dresses with wide eyes.

There were so many of them.

As if she could hear your thoughts, Fatima speaks again. “You don’t have to try them all on if you don’t want to. If you find the dress then just let me know! Don’t force yourself if you’ve fallen in love with one, okay?” 

Nodding slowly, you look over at everyone else with raised brows. Understanding the silent question, almost everyone laughs and gestures to the dresses with excitement.

“Oh my god! Get trying!” Feeling shy, you carefully take the first dress off the hook before disappearing into the en-suite changing room. Taking your clothes off and carefully folding them onto the little seat in the room, you let Fatima in once more to help you slip the dress on. She hurries around you, adjusting bits of the dress and smoothing out areas before bringing you back out into the main room.

This one is pretty plain and simple with a ballgown style that reaches down to the floor in gentle swathes of soft, ivory fabric. The bodice consists of what seem to be two pieces of the same fabric, carefully designed so the right side slips underneath the left side in a criss-cross over your chest. It gives you a classic neckline that only gives the slightest hint of cleavage and helps to enhance your breasts while the straps rest on the very edges of your shoulders.

You love the style and overall design of it, appreciating that the shoulder straps are thick and the sweeping bodice manages to highlight the good parts of your body. For a moment, you wonder if you’d managed to find the dress on your first try, but turning around and examining it from all angles you soon realise that you haven’t quite got it yet.

Turning to the others, they all tilt their heads in various directions and make contemplative noises. Slowly, you spin around for them to get a good idea of the whole dress before you look at yourself once more in the mirror. Running your fingers down the luxurious cavenza, you acknowledge that it’s a beautiful dress.

But it’s not yours.

“I don’t think this is the one,” You say. “I think it’s too simple?”

Raising a brow, you look at the girls to get their opinion. They hum for another moment before nodding agreement with you.

“It looks beautiful but you’re right. It’s not quite...right. A little too boring. You look amazing though.” Smiling shyly, you turn to look at the mirror once more with a little hesitation.

You’d been so worried that a dress might just make all of your more unsightly bits even more obvious than normal such as the belly you could never seem to get rid of or your thick hips and butt. Thankfully though, the silhouette style you’d decided to try seemed to be doing a great job of disguising all those bits.

The only thing that you weren’t quite happy about was your upper arms, the fat there a little too much for your liking. Frowning, you take a deep breath and try to ignore it before looking at Fatima.

“Not this one. Can I try the next?” She nods eagerly before gesturing for you to re-enter the dressing room.

The next hour carries on like that with you trying on dress after dress and finding a reason to dislike every single one. It begins to get a little disheartening and you worry if you’re not going to be able to find the right dress. What if it didn’t exist or something? Wasn’t there supposed to be some magical moment when you’d put on a dress and it’d just feel right?

Like a sign from the heavens that you’d found the One?

Shaking your head at the mirror in exasperation, you turn back into the dressing room and begin to peel off the dress you’d been trying. This one had been an instant dislike with the train being far too long and the bodice making your body look particularly frumpy. You were more than happy to get out of it.

As Fatima helps you, undoing the laces at the back and making sure the dress comes off without any tearing, you give her an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. I hope I’m not wasting your time.”

She laughs at that, shaking her head as she carefully places the dress back into its protective wrap and hangs it up. Taking the next dress off the rail, she pulls it out of its wrap and turns to you with the same happy expression on her face.

“It’s okay, honestly! It’s what I get paid to do. Besides, it’s all a process. You wouldn’t believe how many brides have to go through multiple appointments before we can find the right one for them. Don’t stress yourself if it’s taking a bit longer than you might have hoped for. It just means that the right one for you is still out there! And trust me, you’re a lovely bride compared to some I’ve dealt with.” Fatima says, smirking before gesturing for you to spin around.

Wincing slightly, you wonder how many bridezillas she’s had to put up with over the years. You’d think it was a sexist term but you’d certainly read enough Reddit to know that it was, unfortunately, true for a sadly large number of brides out there. Hopefully, you wouldn’t even remotely be considered one.

“Not many left to go through now.” Fatima sing-song’s, carefully zipping up the pearl buttons on the back of the dress. Inhaling, you hold the top to your chest to help her along before watching as she continues her routine of making sure any unfortunate creases disappear.

Lifting the skirt slightly, you follow her back out into the room and stand in front of the mirror. It’s not one mirror, but more like a mini-wall of mirrors. There’s five, with one big one in front of you, two slightly smaller to either side and at an angle, while another two are angled even further in. It helps to give you a good look at everything from as many angles as possible while the bright lighting illuminates all the good points of a dress.

Tilting your head, you examine it closely before turning from side to side to try and look over all the angles. Humming lightly, you spin and watch as the skirt flares out dramatically. It had a slightly longer trail than some of the dresses you’d tried but it’s not so long that you’d need someone to carry it or anything.

“What is this one made of?” You ask, letting your fingers trail over the delicate design that makes up the bodice of the dress and spreads down onto the skirt. It feels soft and you feel pretty wearing it, admiring the leaf design and the way it creeps up your shoulders to cover up the straps.

“The leaf design on the bodice and the shoulders are ivory lace, tulle and Royal Organza with an ivory gown, tulle illusion and beading,” She gestures to the material that covers the bottom of the gown, the material light and see-through in an elegant manner. “The back of the dress is a v-design and the leaf design also continues around here. I must say, it looks beautiful on you!”

At any other moment, you’d be wondering if she was just trying to hurry the appointment up to get it moving and have you putting a deposit down already. You’d taken up so much of her time today that you wouldn’t be surprised.

But she sounds genuine, and you’re too busy admiring the dress to care. Because you agree with her. It’s a stunning dress and for once, you think it does look beautiful. It hides all the bits you were self-conscious about yet outlined your body perfectly to give you a body silhouette that you loved.

The lace design extends along with the skirt in all directions but it’s only directly in the front and behind where it extends almost to the edge. It’s intricate and so delicate, causing you to wonder how people managed to make these. You certainly wouldn’t have the patience for it.

“I...I love it.” You find yourself saying, eyes wide as you look yourself over in the mirror. Shifting around, you turn to everyone and give them an expectant look. Posing for them slightly, you shift in all directions to make sure they can see it all properly before spinning and letting the dress flow out.

“Oh my god, it’s so beautiful.” Chungha breathes out, pressing a hand to her chest as her gaze is focused firmly on the dress. Soyeon is nodding too, a huge grin on her face before she squeals and claps her hand as her excitement takes over.

“Ahhhh! It’s amazing. Oh my god, it’s perfect!” 

Hoseok’s mom nods, standing up to move over to you and get a closer look. She slowly moves around you, taking in the gown up close before reaching out to gently trail her fingers over some of the lace. You let her, watching closely to see what she thinks.

“Oh my, Hoseok is going to cry. You look amazing.” Her words cause a sudden surge of emotion in you as you look over your shoulder, taking everything in once more. It’s not the fairytale moment you’d imagined it might be, but it feels close enough. There’s not a single thing you hate about the dress.

You don’t even particularly hate yourself in it. Biting your lip, you try to imagine yourself on the day itself; the veil trailing down your back while your makeup has been professionally done and a specially made bouquet is held in your hands. The feeling in your stomach isn’t anxiety or self-hatred but...excitement.

“Mom?” Looking at your mom, you see the way there are tears in her eyes too. She’s got her hands covering her mouth and you frown, hoping she’s okay. Stepping over to her carefully, you reach out and take her hands gently.

“Mom? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” You’d crouch in front of her but you didn’t want to potentially do anything to ruin this dress. Not when you’d taken so long today to find it. Maybe you were just lucky that it had only taken one session to find it. You didn’t know, nor did you care anymore. 

You’d found it.

“Oh honey, you look so beautiful! I told you that you would, didn’t I?” Wiping at her eyes, she gives you a watery smile before giving a weak laugh. Slowly, she stands and places her hands on your shoulders, taking you in from a little distance with such a fond and happy look.

Feeling a little shy under her stare, you look down at your hands before taking a careful step back and letting her look at you from all directions. Chungha and Soyeon are almost vibrating with excitement as they stand to the side, clasping their hands together and giving you the biggest smiles possible when you laugh at them.

Looking over at Fatima, you smile at her. The look on her face is satisfied and you guess she’s probably content that she’s managed to fulfil her job today. Another bride was satisfied with her choice, after all.

“I think I’m going to have to put a deposit down on this one.” Looking back down at the dress, you run your hands down it once more in wonderment. It was odd to think that you were going to be wearing this in a few months, only then you’d be walking down the aisle to Hoseok. For a moment, you imagine what his face might look like.

Glancing at everyone else, you smirk slightly as you feel a little mischief taking over at the thought of him.

“Hoseok was bugging me this morning about if he could be allowed to see the dress. Trying to say that traditions are silly and everything. I’m going to call him, right now. Wearing this. Just to tell him I’ve found it. It’s going to drive him up the wall knowing I’ve picked it and he’s not allowed to see for months.” That makes his mom snort in amusement while Chungha let’s out a whoop of delight.

Your mom is shaking her head, amusement thankfully drying up her tears. Reaching to her, you embrace her in a tight hug that’s a little rare from you. But you’re thankful to her for everything she’s done and for all her support so far. Plus, you get the feeling she needs to have a hug right now.

She hugs you back just as tightly, patting your back before rubbing at it in soothing motions that make you feel young and small once more. When you pull away, she gives a slightly exasperated look before rolling her eyes.

“Go on then, go call him. Honestly. Do you two ever go a day without teasing each other relentlessly?” Laughing, you nod at Fatima who exits the room. You presume there’s more to go through before you’ll finally be able to leave but at least you can stop getting in and out of dresses finally.

“Never. Besides, this is revenge for him eating the last of the Crunchy Nut this morning.”

[swamp-spirit]

Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?

It’s the question that haunts most disabled people, whether the disability is physical or mental. Is it my fault? Am I just not trying hard enough? How do I know? 

It doesn’t help that everyone has their own opinion, opinions your accommodations and aid depend on. Do you need help, or do you just need to try harder?

Well, here’s my answer for you, an answer that has been very important for me: The question is wrong.

To get into why, let’s discuss different kinds of limits. (note, many disabled people have more than one, if not all of these. this is not an attempt to ‘rank’ disabilities, and all come with their own unique range of issues)

OBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is something you can prove. You can go into the doctor, do a test, and have them clarify that this is a fixed, provable limit. For example, if you are paralyzed from the waist down, that’s a hard line. No amount of luck or willpower will let you walk that day. You might have a form of aphasia that makes you incapable of forming coherent sentences. If you allergic to gluten, you’re allergic to gluten.

SUBJECTIVE HARD LINE

This is a consistent, predictable limit that you know, but is not an exact, easily proven fact. For example, ‘if I hear about a car accident, I have a panic attack’. It’s more difficult to prove to external sources, but fairly easy to recognize internally.

UNPREDICTABLE HARD LINE

You know your disability has a clear, observable consequence, but you can’t say exactly how much you can handle before it hits. For example, if you walk to much, your hip freezes up, but you don’t know how much walking will cause it. You may know going to crowded events give you sensory meltdowns, but not know how much you can handle. There is no “I can go to your party for exactly eleven minutes”. 

SOFT LINE

These revolve around energy. Maybe your executive function issues make it hard for you to do homework. Maybe your chronic pain means going shopping leaves you tired. This is where spoon theory becomes popular. Everyone has physical and mental struggles and limits.

-----

The problem is, everybody has soft lines. Everybody gets tired if they push their bodies. Everybody gets stressed or sad or overwhelmed. There’s no exact measurement. 

It makes a lot of us push ourselves towards our hard lines. For example, I struggle with chronic pain and exhaustion, and, at a certain point, faint. After years of being told I was faking it, being dramatic, just needed to push through, starting to actually collapse was the first time people began to realize there was something wrong. I still don’t know how to believe my own body, I don’t know how to forgive myself for not pushing, so I push for the limits. Once I faint, then I’ve finally proved I’m trying, that I’m not just being dramatic or lazy. Mental illness is particularly hard to quantify, and many people are driven to self harm trying to create some proof that their pain is real.

Disabled or lazy? 

What do we do if the answer is lazy? We don’t want to be one of those bad disables who uses our health as an excuse and doesn’t make changes.. Maybe you can just push through it. Maybe if you just HATE yourself enough, you’ll be the person you want to be.

On the flipside, maybe it’s your disability. Not your fault. Out of your hands. No point in trying to fix it.

Obviously, neither of these are healthy places to stay, but if the two options are ‘it’s my disability and I have no control’ or ‘it’s my fault and I could fix it if I cared’, what else can you do? It also makes us lash out at hope. After all, if you can get better, isn’t it... kinda your fault that you aren’t? Aren’t you choosing to stay sick?

Because here’s the core problem: You are like this for a reason.

What is lazy? There’s this attempt to boil ourselves down to what’s ‘us’, the core traits open for moral judgement, and what’s ‘not our fault’, experiences outside us that shape our actions. It’s particularly obvious in the way we discuss criminals.

But we’re all the way we are for a reason. Every asshole has mental and social reasons to be an asshole. Nature and nurture, baby.

So what? None of it’s our fault and we should do what we want and blame other factors?

Of course not, but the reverse isn’t any better! Let’s look at a common issue:

I don’t clean as much as I want. Is it my disability, or am I lazy?

If you’re lazy, what do you actually do? Well, you stop being lazy! You buck up and Do The Dang Thing!

But if wanting to do it was enough, you wouldn’t be worrying about it in the first place. Maybe you’ll force yourself to clean for ten minutes, but the real thing you ingrain is self loathing. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Stop being lazy. Hate yourself healthy.

That’s not constructive because you’re fixing the wrong problem. So what do you do? How do you give yourself agency without basing it around guilt? How do you change without shame?

. Instead of asking if your problems are ‘real’, here’s what I recommend:

1. Why am I not acting the way I want to act?

Don’t accept any answer that has moral judgement. Cut the word lazy. It’s useless. Don’t ask if it’s ‘your fault’ you have Type II diabetes, if you ‘should be able to’ pay attention in class. Cut moral judgement from the process.

Actually understanding why you act the way you do might take time, research, and thought, but changing behavior does!

Example: Why am I eating so much junk food when I know it’s making me feel worse?

Bad answer - I’m depressed

Worse answer - Because I’m a glutton with no self control

Good answer - My depression makes me seek out temporary highs from food because long term highs aren’t working, and I have self control issues that mean I often don’t act in my own best interests.

2. What are my barriers?

Once you’ve identified what’s stopping you, get into more details. If you find doing dishes overwhelming, why? What parts of the process do you find overwhelming or uncomfortable?

For the more general answers (motivation, energy, etc), what are your barriers to the solutions? What steps might help with your depression and what’s stopping you from taking those? Why don’t you do your physical therapy?

3. Is this something I can change? Is this something I can change now?

Earlier we talked about hard lines. Those come back in here. Some things, even with unlimited time and resources, remain fact. It’s not ‘giving up’ to accept a hard ‘cannot’. That said, be careful not to listen to mental illness ‘cannots’ in this situation. For example, I have been told by professionals I will probably always need psyciatric medication to be functional, no matter how good my self talk and lifestyle is. Accepting that, I think, is healthy. It would not be healthy, however, to decide that I ‘cannot’ have a good life.

But you do not have unlimited time and resources. When I said ‘what are your barriers’, plenty of you probably went “MONEY! IT’S MONEY, YOU ASSHOLE” Sometimes it means knowing an issue can’t be addressed until you have money/time/surgery. 

It’s okay to put things on the backburner. If you’re trying to figure out ‘how do I keep from being homeless next week’, you might decide ‘how do I eat more vegetables’ is not your most pressing issue.

You can also decide a fix isn’t worth the cost. Maybe you could afford knee surgery, but you don’t think the amount it would improve your life would be worth the expense or risk. Maybe you could take the stairs to class, but it would leave you too exhausted to pay attention.

Sometimes you realize ‘I want something more than I want to fix this’, and... that’s okay. Sometimes you aren’t ready for a change. Sometimes you don’t need to change. But if the change really is something you want:

4. Make a plan that directly confronts your barriers?

You’ve already broken your barriers into small, objective issues. Now you can start working on those issues. 

If you know you need to eat better, and your main barrier is impulse control, don’t plan to ‘stop eating junk food’. Figure out healthy, easy snacks you like and leave them in plain view.

Find ways to make chores easier. Learn to cook while seated, try playing music while you clean, find what works for you. If it doesn’t work, try something else.

Talk frankly with the people in your  life. Try to help them understand what your barriers are and make them allies in overcoming them. “I know it’s important I do this, and I am trying. Here is the specific element I am struggling with. Do you have advice for that?”

I particularly love this conversational tactic with doctors. Here is a conversation I had with a lot of doctors:

Doctor: You need to fix this habit. Me: I know. I’m sorry. Doctor: It’s really important. Here’s why it’s important.

I would get upset and defensive that the doctor seemed to think I didn’t care, and that the solution was just shaming me into caring more. The doctor would probably see me as unwilling to change.

Here is the conversation we have now:

Doctor:  You need to fix this habit. Me: That’s a priority for me too, but I’m really struggling with x and y hasn’t helped. Do you have any advice that helps people with x?

This either gets me advice on my actual problem instead of just being shamed for not fixing it, or it forces the doctor to change the topic and perhaps redirect me to somebody with more experience.

Write down lists of issues you want to address with your doctor. Focus on concrete steps and goals, and celebrate every win. People might not see how hard your fight is, but if getting out of bed in the morning is a fight, you have every reason to celebrate it.

But your barrier is NOT that you are lazy. It is not that you are bad or stupid or worthless. You cannot hate yourself healthy.

Your struggles are real, and the steps to overcome them are based in understanding, agency, and support, not self loathing.

[queermediastudies]

Putting the “Camp” Back in “Conversion Camp”

How But I’m a Cheerleader (2000) Makes a Comedy Out Of Conversion Therapy (And Whether or Not it Should)

Jamie Babbit’s cult classic, But I’m a Cheerleader (2000) paints a satirical portrait of what most queer youth fear most, conversion therapy. The titular cheerleader, Megan (Natasha Lyonne) is your typical all-American good girl. She goes to church, she never drinks, and she is even dating the high school football star. She is the kind of daughter that white, middle-class Americans dream of having, with one glaring exception. Megan is a lesbian. With the help of the self proclaimed “ex-gay” counselor Mike (RuPaul), her family and friends stage an intervention before shoving her off to True Directions, a conversion camp run by Mary Brown (Cathy Moriarty). Once there, she realizes that she is in fact a lesbian, one who is in love with her fellow camper, Graham (Clea Duvall). 

The film is hilariously over the top, hence it’s description as a camp classic. Babbit uses exaggerated gender roles to illustrate the intersection between gender performativity and sexuality. Unfortunately this decision to poke fun at heteronormative stereotypes come at a cost. Even the gay characters are uncomfortable stereotypes, and the film ignores any questions of intersectionality. Moreover, Babbit does not always handle the horrors of conversion therapy with the kind of tact and grace such a subject demands. Essentially, while the film attempts to show the ridiculousness of gay conversion, its use of stereotypes and one-dimensional characters lashes back to harm the very people Babbit is speaking on behalf of. 

One of the most easily recognizable problems with But I’m a Cheerleader is its overwhelming whiteness. There are all of four characters of color, and only one of those characters is a woman. Jan (Katrina Philips), the one woman of color, is treated terribly in the film. She shows up with a unibrow, dark mustache, shaved head, and baggy clothes. When she introduces herself, she smiles and says, “I’m Jan, and I’m a softball player, and I’m a homosexual” (00:14:36). Essentially, Jan is a lot of outdated stereotypes about lesbians put into one character. The twist, though, is that Jan is actually straight.

This is a good example of how Babbit attempts to tell an important message, but she fails to see the harm she causes while doing it. Jan’s character is essentially Megan’s foil. She is everything a “dyke” is supposed to be, except that she is not attracted to girls. Megan, on the other hand is a lesbian that completely defies all of the stereotypes that Jan encompasses. Both women are meant to discourage our tendency to make assumptions based on appearance. While that is a wonderful message, the problem is that Jan is the only woman of color. There is a definite lack of positive representation for masculine women of color, so there is nothing inherently wrong with having a black, butch character. However, black women are often portrayed as more masculine than white women in both fiction and non-fiction. One need only look at the conversations the media has had about Serena Williams or the New Jersey Four to see how black women are ascribed a level of masculinity that white women are not. In the film, this is exacerbated by the consistent assertion that Jan is ugly, which is never challenged by any of the characters. The motive behind Jan’s character was excellent, but it is clear that the consequences were not thought out. Babbit could have avoided the problematic elements of her character by adding in more women of color, giving the masculine stereotypes to a white character, or by having a conversation about how her blackness and dark facial hair affected how she was treated. Instead, the meaning of Jan’s character is one-dimensional, and she comes off as the butt of the joke rather than the harbinger of an important message. 

Jan is not the only character wrought with gay stereotypes. Andre (Douglas Spain) is the most stereotypically gay man in the film. Whether by coincidence or not, he is also a person of color. Regardless, his character is so stereotypical it is almost offensive. The boys are taught to play football, chop wood, and fix cars in the hopes that heteronormative activities will straighten them out, so to speak. Andre fails miserably at all of these tasks, which, again, is fine in concept. What is offensive is the way he flails about and shrieks in a way that is so unnatural it plays out like a bigot’s idea of what a gay man is really like.

There are other issues of intersectionality and representation that are not quite so garishly offensive. For example, Joel (Joel Michaely) is Jewish, and very devoutly so considering he is never seen with his yarmulke. The True Directions programs, however, is very Christian-oriented. This tension between the two religions is never addressed, and that is truly a shame. Moreover, race is not mentioned once. As previously mentioned, there are horrendously few characters of color. Even worse, however, is the fact that not one of them has a storyline that acknowledges the difficulties of being a gay person of color. The film is a comedy, so no one should expect an especially fruitful in depth analysis, but there is not even one or two off handed jokes about it. The fact of the matter is that the characters of color are not fully realized people. They are surface level representations that rattle off jokes. It should be acknowledged that pretty much all of the characters have this shallow level of development (such is the price one pays when creating a satire that makes such liberal use of stereotypes), but that is no excuse for not acknowledging how race plays a factor in homophobia and gender norms. Much of the movie is centered around learning how to “act straight”, but performances of gender and sexuality shift when different identities come into play. Harris and Holman Jones explain how intersectional performances play into feeling like a minority, “In “feeling queer,” racialized subjects intersect with religious, gendered and sexualized minoritarian subjects to “do” minoritarianism differently” (Harris and Holman Jones, 2017, p.574). In a film that is all about acting out the roles society demands, ignoring how people of color are expected to perform their minoriatarianism does an injustice to the topic at hand.

There is also a good bit of homonormativity, a concept that describes the push for queer people to fulfill heteronormative roles even in gay relationships. The three same sex couples we see in the film follow the general idea that one person in the relationship should be more feminine and the other more masculine, though some couples embody this concept more than others. Dolph (Dante Basco) and Clayton (Kip Pardue) are the couple that fit this mold the least, but one there are remnants of it in their relationship. Dolph is on the varsity football team, and Clayton is generally more demure and submissive. Unlike Dolph and Clayton, Graham and Megan fulfill their homonormative roles with a good amount of clarity. Graham is by no means butch, but she is more masculine than she is feminine, at least by society’s standards. She has short hair, she never wears skirts, and she has a tendency toward profanity and vulgarity. Megan, on the other hand, is, well, a cheerleader. She only wears skirts, she wears her hair long, and she spends most of the moving gasping at any mention of sex. Finally, there is the old gay couple, Lloyd (Wesley Mann) and Larry (Richard Moll) who are “ex-ex-gays” as the film calls them. Once again we see the more feminine half of the couple, Lloyd, performing typically feminine activities like setting up dinner and getting in touch with his emotions. Larry, on the other hand, is a curt, large, bearded man who is quick to anger. The two could easily fit in to any heterosexual sitcom. 

While domesticity is the goal for many queer couples, the film ventures into what Duggan (2002) calls, “equality politics,” (p. 44). Essentially, it is the trap that members of the gay community where they ask the powers that be for marriage and military equality. After that, they feel that there is nothing left to do, so they promise to depoliticize gay culture. Duggan describes them best when she writes, “These organizations, activists, and writers, promote ‘color-blind’ anti-affirmative action racial politics, conservative-libertarian ‘equality feminism,’ and gay ‘normality,’” (Duggan, 2002, p. 44). In it’s failure to acknowledge race and the enforcement of heterosexual roles onto gay characters, the film certainly demonstrates these equality politics and a message in favor of homonormativity.

Perhaps the most difficult to address issue with the film is the premise itself. It begs the question: should conversion therapy be used for comedy? Moreover, questions of how to do that respectfully arise, and, frankly, there were several instances where Babbit failed to do so. Babbit’s own history is important in understanding why she created a comedy about conversion therapy. She herself is a lesbian, and her mother worked at New Directions, a rehabilitation center for teens and young adults. Obviously, the name of the conversion camp, true directions, is a play on New Directions, and Babbit further explains the connection between her mother's career and But I’m a Cheerleader in an interview with Wheeler Winston Dixon. “So I'd always wanted to do a comedy about growing up in rehab, and the absurdity of that atmosphere. But I didn't want to make fun of twelve-step programs for alcoholism and drugs, because they really help people, but when you turn it into Homosexuals Anonymous, then I felt that was a situation I could have fun with” (Dixon, 2015, p. 2). Babbit likely felt that conversion therapy would be a harmless target because making fun of the programs and their leaders is not damaging to anyone. However, as we have seen with Jan and Andre, the queer community was not spared from the ridicule. Moreover, while belittling the programs themselves, Babbit made light of some truly traumatizing experiences. For instance, the teens are given electric wands, which they must use to shock themselves when they have “unnatural” thoughts. Pain-based aversion therapy is a very real, traumatizing experience that too many people have had to face. But I’m a Cheerleader makes a mockery of it by using it for a number of sex jokes and showing that it does not hurt that bad. Graham playfully shocks Megan with it, eliciting a yelp, but not much else. Another girl in the program, Sinead (Katherine Towne), proclaims that she likes pain. She is then shown in multiple scenes using the electricity as a masturbatory tool. There may be arguments in favor of this detail, perhaps that Babbit was trying to show how pain can be reclaimed and used for pleasure, but I personally find it tasteless. It is especially questionable since Babbit herself has never gone through that trauma. When creating gallows humor, one must examine if they are on the gallows or a member of the crowd. A person on the gallows who laughs is using humor to cope. A person in the crowd who laughs at the man getting hanged is simply cruel. It seems that Babbit believes that she, having experienced lesbianism, has just as much of a right to stories of conversion therapy as someone who actually experienced it. She does not. This is not to say that the premise of this film is off limits. Babbit simply should have been more careful in how she portrayed the horrors of conversion therapy.

But I’m a Cheerleader has the difficult job of being a breakout text. Cavalcante explains that a breakout text accomplishes three things, “ Breakout texts also generate three definitive breaks: (a) a break into the cultural main-stream, (b) a break with historical representational paradigms, and (c) a breaking into the every day lives of the audiences they purport to represent,” (Cavalcante, 2017, p. 2). It may have not been hugely successful, but it was popular enough to make its way into straight communities. Moreover, it breaks plenty of ideas of historic representation. Finally, it made its way into gay communities, and it has continued to live comfortably within them. This is why we need to be so hard on the film. As with anything that may be the foundation for someone’s knowledge about a topic (i.e. homosexuality, conversion therapy, gender non conforming heterosexuals, etc.) there is a responsibility to provide quality representations. Babbit sometimes fails to do so, and if that those failures are not examined critically, then harmful information will be mindlessly spread around.

As a pansexual woman, I am always looking for content that portrays strong, sapphic characters. I am also always on the fence about using tragedies to create humor. I am stuck between knowing that some people use humor to cope with trauma and wondering if people should be laughing at atrocities. That is what drew me to But I’m a Cheerleader. I enjoyed the film, in spite of its flaws, but I do have to say I was a bit hurt and disappointed. I am Latinx, and I have been teased about my dark facial hair in the past. Hearing Jan get torn into for her unibrow and mustache while the pretty, white women around her did nothing was really upsetting. Moreover, as someone who is undecided about particularly dark humor, I really do feel that Babbit was tactless in her making of this film. Still, there were elements that I truly loved. As mentioned in the title and the introduction, this film is beautifully camp. The 1950′s aesthetic that the straight people emulate obscures the setting of the film, and the garish colors tell a story all on their own. The gay men are forced to wear bright blue, and the lesbians are forced to wear pink. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, outside of the program wears brown, obscuring their own identities and showing just how they all fit in together. The set design is also used in a really stunning way. Every once in a while something, typically something that represents sex or genitalia, is placed in the background to remind viewers that the sexuality of the participants will never be erased.

When it comes down to it, But I’m a Cheerleader has heart, and it has a great message. It is immensely funny, and the characters are shallow but lovable. The film’s best attribute is that it shows that anyone can be gay or straight, regardless of our assumptions based on how well they perform gender norms. The criticism shown above should not discourage anyone from watching the film. Rather, it should encourage people to watch it while being able to recognize and accept the ways in which it can be hurtful. It can have harmful stereotypes, unhelpful ideologies, and tactless jokes, but it also has love, bite, and an abundance of humor.

References:

Cavalcante, A. (2017). Breaking Into Transgender Life: Transgender Audiences' Experiences With “First of Its Kind” Visibility in Popular Media. Communication, Culture & Critique, 10(3), 538-555. doi:10.1111/cccr.12165

Dixon, W. W. (2015). An Interview With Jamie Babbit. Post Script, 34(2).

Duggan, L. (2003). Equality, Inc. In The Twilight of Equality? Neoliberism, Cultural Politics and the Attack on Democracy (pp. 43-66). Boston: Beacon Press.

Harris, A., & Holman Jones, S. (2017). Feeling Fear, Feeling Queer: The Peril and Potential of Queer Terror. Qualitative Inquiry, 23(7), 561-568. doi:10.1177/1077800417718304

[be-gay-and-do-crimes]

Todoroki Kids Quirk Theory

Enji Todoroki, AKA Flame Hero: Endeavor, who has a very strong fire Quirk called “Hellflame”, wishes to beat the Symbol of Peace: All Might at all costs, but he realized that his Quirk and strength alone wouldn’t be able to do that since All Might was always two steps ahead of him.

So, he decided to create the “perfect” offspring that will be able to defeat All Might in his name. A child with a devastating strong Quirk that will take the spot as Number One Hero and never let anyone take it away from them.

Enji searched for a woman with a Quirk as strong as his or that will complement it in the child, and he found one.

A woman with snowy, pure white hair with  — ironically — an ice Quirk, Rei. He saw an incredible display of said Quirk if he took the decision to make a child with her, that or her family is one of generations of strong ice-based Quirk users.

Enji then bribed Rei’s family into allowing her to marry him and create a powerful successor. And as Rei didn’t have a say in this, their Quirk Marriage set sail. And eventually they had four children, few of which we already know of, if just slightly.

And in this post, I will theorize said children’s (possible) Quirks.

(I wrote this jazz on a notebook like,, three or two years ago so I thought why not post it here as wrong as I may be with it,,,have patience fam,,)

From older to younger would be; Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto, with each of them having an age gap of 3-4 years (a bit on the fence with Touya and Fuyumi here, since we don’t know how exactly old he was, so there could be tidbits of the theory that those two are twins).

A rundown of the kids, starting with the firstborn;

Touya Todoroki

Very little is known about Touya, even simple yet crucial facts like his hair color are confusing due to the Manga and Anime adaptation. What we do know is;

He had red hair.

A fire Quirk stronger than Endeavor’s but a body that couldn’t withstand it.

He died at a very young age of either 12 or 14/15 by causes most likely related to said Quirk.

To add to his weak constitution inherited by Rei, Touya looks to be the shortest out of all his siblings, despite being the oldest. I’d also say he was he meekest of them all, if only for a few years if I go by his body language in the two (2) full images we’re given ( i.e. clinging onto natsuo’s shirt, keeping his arms close to his body, hair covering his face— namely his eyes, likely to avoid making direct eye-contact with endeavor):

I’m personally inclined to believe that he had Enji’s turquoise eyes too, seeing as either his eyes or hair seem to be a distinct telltale sign of the fiery factor of his Quirk. and then boom he had gray eyes all along,, or either sectoral-heterochromia, or central heterochromia and the manga is deceiving us

Fuyumi Todoroki

The one and only girl of the four siblings while also the second born of Enji and Rei. Like her older brother, Fuyumi’s colors (her eyes) differ from the Manga and the Anime, but since we’re following the latter’s palette...

She has gray eyes like her mother behind a pair of red glasses.

Has mostly spiky/messy white hair with red streaks.

She is a primary school teacher.

Her behavior is more like Rei’s; soft-spoken and kind.

As another color-fact, out of everyone else in the family, she’s the only to use colors related to red (any color of that palette, contrary to her younger brothers that deliberately seem to avoid anything related to that color, and so use mostly cold tones).

She can’t handle hot weather.

Her Quirk is unknown, if she even has one, but it should’ve been deemed weak or useless by Endeavor if she wasn’t put through the training Touya was, therefore becoming the first of her brothers to suffer from his neglect.

Natsuo Todoroki

Natsuo seems to be the most hellbent and prominent out of his siblings on his hate for their father, voicing his thoughts about him at any given chance, and also the one that looks closest to Rei. 

Pure snowy white hair, but spiky like Enji’s.

Gray eyes, fully resembling his mother with nothing red that could remind him of his father, unlike his frame which is bulky like Endeavor’s.

Repressed anger issues.

He feels sensitive towards warm weather.

The tallest out of all his siblings.

Funny enough, Natsuo is a combination of Rei’s looks and Enji’s muscular build. Any signs of a Quirk are unknown, but either way he was deemed useless and thrown into the burning pile along with his big sister.

Shouto Todoroki

The golden egg of the Todo Children. The one Enji could, after so much time, call his masterpiece, the perfect offspring to finally topple All Might off his high horse. Everything Touya failed to be, Shouto is. A perfect combination of both himself and Rei.

Perfectly split white and red hair.

A gray eye and distinctive turquoise eye.

Ice and fire.

Shouto’s Quirk is Half-Cold Half-Hot; allowing him to create ice and fire from his right and left side respectively. He needs the two sides of his Quirk to nullify their drawbacks; too much of the right side leads to frostbite or hypothermia, too much of the left side leads to either overheating, dehydration or self-burns.

Now that we know the Todo-kids, their personalities, and Quirk too (or lack thereof), let’s dive into theorizing of the lacking two;

Fuyumi and Natsuo   — The Flukes

Going off of appearances, I’d say Fuyumi could be the exact opposite of Touya. While having Rei’s eyes and most of her white hair, I’d say she could have her same ice Quirk but not being able to withstand it. Contrary to Touya that has Enji’s fire Quirk, but a constitution more adapt for ice.

I.e. She could create ice as strong as Rei’s, but the constitution of her body is weak and causes her to easily fall into a light to severe case of frostbite or hypothermia. Or on the other hand, she can create ice, but isn’t as strong as Rei’s, thereof a disappointment. On the third hand I just pulled out of my ass; an extremely weak fire Quirk, a constitution more suited for ice.

Natsuo is a more complicated case here. He looks nothing like Endeavor aside from his jock build, He looks like Rei down to a tee, and that makes me think of three possibilities for his Quirk.

He is resistant to ice AND fire, but isn’t able to manipulate them in any way.

He is able to resist and create ice, and seeing as he only had Rei’s part of the Quirk, labelled as an immediate failure for Endeavor.

Or the option I have no compelling argument for but I’m really bias to believe: He’s Quirkless, plain and simple. If this one’s the real deal, then it’s likely that he’d be the BIGGEST disappointment out of all the other kids to Enji. I mean, one thing is having just one side, but not having neither? In a world were 80% of the world has a Quirk as useless as it may be?? In his house??? Outrageous!

Any of these options lead to immediate alienation of his family so either is acceptable tbh.

SO! To try and wrap this whole mess up with some nice percentages!

Touya is a 100% of both of his parents’ 50%

Being able to create fire but with a constitution more adapt to ice.

Fuyumi could be/is a 100% of her parents’ 50%

Being able to create ice — that could or not be stronger than Rei’s — but having a constitution more adapt for fire. Therefore, if Endeavor ever tried to train her, she’d have no visible burn marks whatsoever.

Natsuo could be/is a 100% of his parents’ 50%

Being able to withstand fire and ice but not manipulate them in any way.

Or the unfortunate one, being part of the 20% of humanity that doesn’t have a Quirk.

Shouto is a 200% of his parents’ 100%

Being able to resist AND create both fire and ice to an extent as long as he uses one to counter the side effects of the other. I.e. using too much fire might get him a third-degree burn if his ice doesn’t cools down the effects and keeping his body temperature at bay. Having a constant balance between the two, one not being able to work fully well without the other — as much as he hates it.

yeah that’s it thanks for coming to my ted talk please message me with things to write gdi i’m bored and scared for the hobo man

[rwby-redux]

Deconstruction

Worldbuilding: Semblances II

Last time in Part I, we analyzed the failings of Semblances from a meta perspective. Now we’re going to look at them within the context of the actual show. Before we begin, let’s revisit that list of basic traits that are universally shared by Semblances.

A Semblance draws upon Aura as its source of power. When this fuel is depleted, a person can no longer use their Semblance, and must wait for their Aura to regenerate before it can be used again.

The specific ability or nature of one’s Semblance is alleged to be an expression of the user’s personality/character/soul.

Overuse of a Semblance can adversely affect a person and cause physical side effects, such as fatigue, headaches, or fainting.

Semblances can interact with Dust in such a way that their skills are augmented, resulting in the temporary acquisition of new subskills or secondary characteristics.

Through training and regular usage, Semblances can gradually become stronger or more advanced.

The intensity of certain emotions, such as stress, panic, despair, or rage, can cause a person to subconsciously activate their Semblance.

This refresher will be important as we go more in-depth. At the very least, it’ll save you the hassle of having to jump back and forth between tabs.

Limitations of Semblances

Recall point one. If your first instinct is to say, surely having a limited amount of Aura is a good limitation for Semblances, then you’d be forgiven for thinking that. In theory, it makes sense: a power based on a finite energy source does seem like a pretty significant drawback. My main issue with this being a credible limitation for Semblances is that we, the audience, have no way to gauge Aura depletion over time. And by extension, neither do our characters. In the first three Volumes, students used specialized monitors (usually on their scrolls) to keep tabs on Aura over the course of a sparring match. Not only do I like this because it’s a clever visual aid for relaying information to the audience, but also because it conveys clear worldbuilding information: characters don’t seem to have a way of innately sensing when their Aura is low. This idea seems to be reinforced again in V7.E3 - “Ace Operatives.” In the opening scene, Clover reminds RWBY and JN_R that their scrolls have been upgraded with Atlas tech, and they shouldn’t forget to use them. That line of dialogue is accompanied by Blake consulting her scroll for her teammates’ Aura levels. To my knowledge, there’s nothing in the canon that suggests characters can sense or feel when their Aura level drops, or how far away it is from depletion.

Having to rely on scrolls to monitor their Aura would be an excellent limitation to impose on an otherwise limitless superpower. Not only would it require the characters to constantly monitor their Aura, but it could introduce realistic problems. Like what would happen if a character’s scroll was lost, or destroyed, or its batteries died? How would that affect the character’s behavior in regards to Aura-related tasks? Great idea, right?

Now here comes the kicker: we don’t see any evidence of this in the show. When Team RNJR was traveling through Anima, none of them discussed having to find a village to recharge their scrolls. It’s not as if the trees have outlets that they can conveniently plug their scrolls into. Similarly, none of the characters from Volume 3 onward consult their scroll during fights to see where their Aura levels are at. You don’t see characters changing fighting styles midway through a fight in order to conserve what little Aura they have left. You don’t see characters minimizing the use of their Semblance in favor of more efficient tactics.

That’s why limited Aura doesn’t seem like a believable limitation for Semblances—not for a lack of possibility, but for a lack of execution. If characters made more of a fuss about it on-screen, I could buy it. But apart from one or two throw-away lines, characters don’t seem to pay attention to how Aura depletion affects Semblance usage, and by extension, they don’t adjust or change their tactics during combat to compensate for it.

Bear in mind that this discussion has only touched upon general limitations. We haven’t even addressed Semblance-specific limitations yet. Can Marcus Black only steal one Semblance at a time? Can Sun only make a certain number of clones at once? If Yang doesn’t eventually release the energy that she’s stored up, does it backfire on her? Is Pyrrha limited to only one type of magnetism, like ferromagnetism, or can she use more than one type? If Robyn uses her Semblance on someone who’s stating an incorrect fact, but they believe that fact to be true, then does it indicate that the person is lying? Does Hazel’s Semblance allow him to bypass/negate his Aura’s healing factor in order to stab Dust into his body?

And on and on it goes. A combination of vague or poorly-established mechanics for Semblances, coupled with the wide variety of Semblances, makes it impossible to predict what could be a hindrance for our characters down the road. This in turn creates a lack of stakes—how can we, the audience, be invested in the dangers that the cast faces, when we don’t know if those dangers are credible in the first place?

Active versus Passive Semblances

Usually when a character reveals information, it’s meant to answer questions, not create more of them. Such was the case when Qrow revealed his Semblance to Team RNJR for the first time—he brings misfortune, or rather, causes people (and objects in the nearby vicinity) to be blighted by bad luck via the manipulation of probability. Qrow is our introduction to passive Semblances, a term which, if I’m being honest, I’m not even entirely sure is canon. Someone’ll need to correct me on that, but for now “passive Semblance” will do. Because we have precious little information on the topic, I’m going to be relying on direct quotes.

Qrow: My Semblance isn't like most—it's not exactly something I do. It's always there, whether I like it or not. I bring misfortune. [1]

This passage tells us two different things: (1) passive Semblances are always active, and (2) passive Semblances can’t be controlled.

You can already see the problems with introducing a new concept this late in the game, because this new information clashes with what (few) previously-established rules we already have: Do passive Semblances require Aura? If Qrow’s Aura is depleted, will his Semblance continue to run, or will it become unusable like everyone else’s?

This ambiguity becomes even more frustrating when we acquire more information a little over a year later:

“It's not necessarily constantly running, it's more that it randomly spikes to cause unfortunate situations. If he chooses to amplify it in a fight, then yes, it does cost him.” [2]

Now we’re being told that that his Semblance isn’t “always there,” that Qrow can control it to an extent, and that his Semblance only depletes his Aura when he chooses to amplify it. Here we have an example of the character in the show being directly contradicted by one of the show’s creators. This implies that either they didn’t do a good enough job explaining passive Semblances the first time around, or they changed things after the episode aired. It isn’t just a he said/she said issue, either—Semblances requiring Aura is one of RWBY’s core mechanics for its pseudo-magic system, and by having a character whose Semblance breaks that cardinal rule, it makes the writing more difficult to believe or trust in terms of what’s canon versus what’s a retcon; what’s a subplot versus what’s a plothole. It doesn’t help when we get even more contradictory information from later episodes:

Qrow: I wouldn’t thank me. My Semblance brings misfortune. Sometimes I can’t keep it under control. [3]

I’m sorry, I thought we just established that Qrow can only amplify his Semblance. Now you’re telling us that he can partially suppress it too? Either he can’t control it at all, he can amplify it, or he can sometimes suppress its effects. Make up your damn mind.

The effects of his Semblance can be as minor as a coffee spill or as dire as a collapsing building… [4]

No! Stop it! Knocking over a Starbucks latte is not the same thing as demolishing a fucking building.

How is Qrow’s Semblance able to do something as insanely energy-demanding as toppling infrastructure without expending any Aura? How does his Semblance locate or prioritize variables in the environment to exploit/sabotage? Like, if there’s a mouse hanging out near some sort of Dust-powered generator in the building, does his Semblance send out subliminal messaging that convinces the mouse to chew through an electrical wire and cause the generator to explode?

Look, I refuse to believe that spilling a cup of coffee is somehow equal to setting off a stick of TNT or taking a wrecking ball to the side of a skyscraper. It doesn’t make any sense, which means that you have to provide a proper explanation for how it works. Because otherwise you’re going to be left with an audience that assumes Qrow’s Semblance is powered by (a) plot convenience, or (b) rats.

This—all of this, right here—is my issue with passive Semblances. (And don’t even get me started on Clover’s.)

Semblance Discovery, Auratic Plasticity

Did you notice the fancy scientific-sounding term in the heading?

Ooh. Auratic plasticity. That sounds official. You’re probably wondering where that term came from. A scene from Volume 5 you haven’t re-watched in a while (not that I can blame you). A World of Remnant episode, perhaps? Maybe it’s from one of the comics, or the director’s commentary on a DVD, or even an AMA on Reddit?

To answer your question: it didn’t come from any of those. Auratic plasticity is a term I coined exclusively for the Redux. Specifically, for talking about what goes behind discovering a person’s Semblance, and what factors are at play when that Semblance takes on its unique form.

Before we can talk about Auratic plasticity, however, we need to talk about all the ways someone discovers their Semblance. It can vary wildly from person to person. For some, their Semblance unlocks randomly while doing everyday run-of-the-mill things. As alluded to by Taiyang in V4.E9 - “Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back,” Yang’s Semblance activated while she was getting a haircut. For others, it can be the byproduct of training, extreme stress, or an otherwise fatal encounter. [5] In rare instances, Semblances can be hereditary, thus removing any ambiguity of what that person’s Semblance will be when it first activates.

The reason why I bring any of this up is because RWBY’s official stance is that Semblances “generally reflect the wielder’s personality.” [6] If Semblances were generally tied to the personality of the wielder, then it would fail to account for the correlation between the circumstance that triggered the Semblance to manifest, and the resulting Semblance expression.

Let me give you a few examples.

Adaptive Semblance: Nora’s Semblance was unlocked when she was struck by lightning. Consider the fact that her Semblance allows her to absorb electricity without taking any damage from the electric current. Rather than her Semblance being tied to her personality, Nora’s is likely a case of an adaptive Semblance—as in, her circumstances required a very specific Semblance in order to survive the 10,000 amperes running through her body. Instead of her soul generating a Semblance tied to her personality, it prioritized generating a Semblance that would help her survive an immediate and life-threatening scenario.

Innate Semblance: Ruby’s Semblance was discovered one day while training. If we’re to assume that there weren’t any dangerous circumstances factoring into that training session, it’s likely that her soul generated a Semblance that was in fact tied to an aspect of her personality. In this case, her superspeed is a projection of her enthusiasm and hyperactive zeal, and her tendency to prioritize others’ wellbeing over her own, trying to figuratively (and in this case, literally) reach them before they’re harmed.

Hereditary Semblance: Weiss and Winter, and (presumably) Whitley, Willow, and Nicholas all share the glyph-based Semblance unique to the Schnee lineage. The confirmation of their Semblance being explicitly hereditary contradicts the idea that Semblances are an expression of one’s personality. If we go by that logic, it implies that—what, their personalities are all the same? They have no individuality? I’m sorry, but that’s just dumb.

This is why Semblance discovery is important, and why the canon should have paid more attention to developing it. There’s pretty compelling evidence for a person’s Semblance being tied to multiple factors apart from their “personality.” I know that I’m digressing here a bit, but the main reason why I bring up this correlation isn’t just because it clarifies inconsistencies with the canon. It also presents an opportunity to enrich the lore of the show.

In the Redux, Auratic plasticity is the ability of the soul to generate a Semblance based on either an immutable personality trait (innate), a scenario-specific survival method (adaptive), or a “genetic” trait that’s repeatedly selected for due to its inherent fitness (inherited). These three categories are determined by a value called hierarchical prioritization—basically, it’s the soul’s ability to decide what Semblance-trigger gets precedence. I’ll get into more detail when I start the Amendment, but it felt important to clarify my intentions early, so I could justify writing 700 words on why Semblance discovery is important.

Adverse Effects of Using Semblances

Unlike Limitations, which focuses on what a Semblance can or can’t do, Adverse Effects deals with the negative repercussions/consequences of using a Semblance.

Or in RWBY’s case, a lack thereof.

(For the moment, let’s set aside the magic/not magic discourse and acknowledge that yes, in the traditional sense, Aura, Semblances, and Dust are part of RWBY’s magic system, the same way bending is part of A:TLA’s.)

When designing a magic system, you’ve got to balance it. Otherwise, the system contains powers that are vaguely-defined, OP, and bereft of any costs.

One way to implement a system of checks and balances is by giving that system a cost for using it. In RWBY’s case, the only “cost” experienced by characters is physical fatigue whenever they overextend themselves. But in the grand scheme of things it’s not really a detrimental consequence, in part because of how infrequently exhaustion is viewed as a legitimate threat. Seriously. When was the last time you saw the main cast fail because they overdid it while using their Semblances? It just doesn’t happen.

One way you could implement a cost is by tying Semblance usage to a physical demand. According an article by Julia Belluz, Winter Olympic athletes consume anywhere between 1,300 - 2,500 and 4,000 - 7,000 calories on average per day.

It wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to apply this to RWBY. Given the high-intensity acrobatics the characters perform on the regular, it would make sense that strenuous physical activity, coupled with Semblance usage, would create costs in the form of caloric needs. Maybe that’s an issue Team RNJR needs to deal with while backpacking across Anima. Is food a top priority for them? Do they have to restrict Semblance usage when running low on rations? Does the group ever have to hunt or forage for food to meet the energy demands of fighting Grimm?

Not only does this balance out Semblances, but it opens the door for potential worldbuilding. Is “Huntsman” ever used as a euphemism for “glutton”? Do all-you-can-eat buffets ban Huntsmen from their establishments? Do Huntsmen have a reputation for being less picky about food options? In places that use trade-and-barter systems, are Huntsmen willing to accept food as payment instead of lien?

I think that’s more or less everything I wanted to say about Semblances. I have a few unrelated nitpicks, but I can save those for another time. This post is already longer than I intended it to be.

-

[1] Volume 4, Episode 8: “A Much Needed Talk.”

[2] Shawcross, Kerry. “CRWBY AMA.” Reddit interview. February 12, 2018. [https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5bpdm/?context=3]

[3] Volume 7, Episode 3: “Ace Operatives.”

[4] Wallace, Daniel. The World of RWBY: The Official Companion. VIZ Media LLC, 2019, page 94.

[5] Volume 5, Episode 4: “Lighting the Fire.”

[6] Wallace, Daniel. The World of RWBY: The Official Companion. VIZ Media LLC, 2019, page 39.

[uk-news-talking-politics]

Peak uncertainty: This is what covid might do to our politics

By Chaminda Jayanetti

Just because something should happen, doesn't mean it will.

Many articles speculating on how Britain will look different after coronavirus mistake what the writer thinks should happen with what probably will, trusting in the logic of the moment when politics often obeys anything but.

Others focus on the party political fallout, which is the most unpredictable aspect of all. Coronavirus may determine the next election - or it may play no role in it at all.

But to really get an idea of how Britain could look on the other side, we need to get away from the big picture discussion and dig deep into policy areas.

Who cares?

The centrality of the NHS is now guaranteed no matter who is in charge. The Tories had already pledged increased funding, and the need for spare capacity in the event of pandemics may force a rethink of service redesigns and efficiency measures that aimed to minimise 'waste'.

Bigger questions surround the adult care system. No-one can now ignore the funding cuts and staff shortages that have left the care sector so depleted. If elderly and disabled people find themselves dying untreated in care homes in large numbers, this might - and should - become a point of national shame over the coming weeks.

The Tories' direction of travel is towards a social insurance system, whereby people pay in to a fund during their working lives that gives them access to care provision when they need it. But those who are retired or have lifelong care needs won't be able to pay into an insurance scheme before receiving care. These immediate care needs will need direct public funding, not long-term insurance.

Labour under Jeremy Corbyn took a different tack: universal free personal care for the over-65s, with an ambition to extend this to all working age adults. This is simpler and more inclusive than our current means tested mess, but it doesn't come cheap: Labour's manifesto estimated the cost as £11bn a year by 2023/24.

Keir Starmer will be under pressure from some to stick with their existing policy, and from others to engage with social insurance proposals. Keeping Labour MPs united behind whatever strategy he adopts won't be easy.

But it's plausible the Tories will also be pulled in another direction - towards voluntarism. The party's social and fiscal conservatives - uneasy bedfellows in recent years - could use the increased community cooperation seen amid the pandemic as evidence that volunteers and family members can take on more of the care burden, while still improving pay and conditions for care staff.

Expect to see rhetoric that the pandemic has 'unleashed' Britain's 'community spirit', which should be 'channelled' after the crisis by relying on family and neighbours to 'look in' on people in need - the soft-soap version of women doing unpaid care work in lieu of public services. The current trend in care provision is towards making use of what 'assets' people already have, including friends and family - an approach that can be used for good or ill. The temptation for the government to lean on unpaid volunteers instead of the taxpayer is not hard to imagine.

The care system was the biggest public service challenge facing the government before coronavirus. Now that's been magnified tenfold. It could become one of the big battlegrounds of post-pandemic politics, between competing visions of society based on universalism, managed markets, and voluntarism.

Bob Crow was right

Before his death in 2014, Bob Crow was one of the most demonised figures in Britain. His readiness to threaten to shut down rail networks as head of the RMT union made him a bête noire for commuters, causing considerable disruption.

Crow was a rarity in post-Thatcher Britain - a union leader who was ready to use strike action as a sword, not just a shield. Whereas most unions only went on strike in defence of existing jobs, pay and conditions, Crow levered the criticality of the role of his members to transform their economic position.

He was accused of holding passengers and politicians to ransom, but his argument was a simple one: the disruption caused by his members going on strike showed how important their role was, and they should be paid more - much more - to reflect this.

It has taken the worst pandemic in more than a century for many people to realise this point. Pay does not necessarily reflect the importance of a worker's role - in fact, very often it does nothing of the sort. Pay reflects many factors: supply and demand of labour, required skills and levels of education, the strength or weakness of collective bargaining, the resources of the employer, and the profit-making productivity of the role. The social necessity of the role comes below pretty much all of them.

There may well be a post-pandemic cross-party consensus for a higher minimum wage and more protection from exploitation - action on zero hours contracts, for example - to protect low-paid workers from poverty.

But Crow didn't want his members to be low paid at all. He wanted to transform their economic station. We keep hearing about essential workers in cleaning, portering, social care and customer service. Will this be rewarded with more middle class pay and conditions?

There are reasons to be doubtful. There will likely be broad acceptance of the importance of care workers, who are a very visible part of the fight against coronavirus. But that does not mean politicians will be ready to fork out for transformative pay rises. Will Starmer accept billions of pounds of extra spending on top of the £11bn Labour has already earmarked for social care, let alone the Tories?

And where is the industrial, political or public pressure going to come from to secure such pay rises for the often migrant workers in portering and cleaning? We don't want to accept it, but many workers on middle incomes would sneer at the idea of porters and cleaners being paid the same as them.

The safety net

The benefit system has taken a battering over the last decade. Now the economic shutdown is driving more than a million people to seek refuge in the rubble left behind.

The government has responded by performing emergency repairs -  raising benefit payments and scrapping job search requirements in a desperate attempt to stop the newly unemployed middle classes struggling in the way the unemployed poor were expected to.

Things could play out from here in a number of ways. If Universal Credit functions to a level the government can live with, they will declare the system a success, leaving Starmer in a politically difficult position. Will he keep Labour's pledge to axe what will have become an established system, or switch to reforming it, thus angering his left flank. Labour may try and build a minimum income guarantee using the framework of this system. Or they may 'abolish' Universal Credit by tweaking it and changing its name.

If Universal Credit simply topples over - unable to process claims properly, or pay out the right sums of money - the government might be forced to give up its costly and chaotic flagship scheme.

What then? Labour would push for a more generous system with far fewer conditions and sanctions. The Tories would be truly hamstrung, having in this scenario wasted a decade on a failed system.

Public opinion would not necessarily favour a more generous, less judgemental approach. The declared end of the pandemic, and the gradual return to some kind of economic normality, would likely bring back demands that the unemployed get back to work, and that they be cattle-prodded into doing so. Laid off workers do not carry the same image as health and care workers in this pandemic - and doubtless right wing ideologues will start shouting about the deficit the first chance they get.

But if the economic recovery is insipid, with little job creation, enduring high unemployment, and a stop-start lockdown as the virus returns, both parties could be drawn to more universal systems - a minimum income guarantee set at a liveable level, or even a Universal Basic Income.

The government toyed with introducing UBI last month, but it would face wide opposition from Tory MPs unhappy at its cost. Claire Ainsley, who is expected to be unveiled as Starmer's policy chief, is also a sceptic. It is expensive, blunt and largely untested. But if jobs don't reappear as the pandemic passes, the 'on yer bike' mentality that has underpinned the benefit system for decades will itself be left redundant.

A costly affair

Britain is running up huge deficits as sectors of the economy grind to a halt. How will all this be paid for? Starmer is calling for higher taxes on the rich, but that alone is unlikely to be sufficient, especially if corporate profits remain depressed for years. Everyone is going to have to pay more.

Could the Tories go in for funding cuts? Perhaps - but likely not at the scale we've seen. The big targets after 2010 were local government and welfare. The former can't be cut further without it collapsing. The Tories may winnow away at the latter. Foreign aid could take a hit. But the party would have to tear up its electoral strategy of higher spending on schools, hospitals and police to recreate full-blown Osbornomics.

Labour, and possibly even the Tories, may look to wealth taxes to help bring down the deficit. Taxing people's wealth would be a major shift in Britain's approach, and could finally tackle one of the key sources of economic inequality.

But there's a problem. The richest hold most of their wealth as financial assets, meaning they can easily move it to offshore tax havens. Fixed assets, like houses, tend to benefit the middle classes. Taxing property wealth could hit Tory homeowners while barely affecting hedge fund billionaires. Targeting the latter would require a Tory government to clamp down hard on tax havens.

Conservative MPs are likely to be split on middle class tax rises and spending cuts. If the Tories go after tax havens and impose a progressive wealth tax, it would be one of the most dramatic changes the pandemic brings about. The curtailment of the free movement of capital would be a paradigm-shifting development, and an extraordinary one for a Conservative government.

What does need to happen is for governments to spend on preventative services - such as social care - in the knowledge that this will cut required spending down the line. Only when that happens will Britain's fiscal politics finally grow up.

But on a variety of fronts, the British are going to have to decide what it is we are willing to pay for. If we want functioning public services and low deficits, we'll have to pay more tax. If we want properly paid frontline public servants, we'll have to pay more tax still. If we want to end poverty pay, we may have to pay more for goods. If we want to protect the high street, or British producers, we may have to pay more in digital sales taxes or import tariffs.

Cakeism has run out of road.

The known unknowns

If Britain does head down the path of higher taxes, more generous benefits and greater public provision, our politics and economy will start to look more European - either universalist northern European, or rather more patriarchal southern European.

But the irony is, we'll be firmly outside Europe. Nothing that is happening right now will be fostering a European identity among voters. And if the government decides to take radical action on the economy, that could mean Britain fundamentally diverges from EU rules, keeping us on a separate path into the future.

All this is predicated on coronavirus being conclusively 'defeated', and a one-off in its mortality, geographical spread and disruption. Those are the prerequisites for things eventually returning to some recognisable norm.

If, however, pandemics of this scale become even semi-regular, shutting down national economies for months at a time, everything changes. Rents become unpayable, debts unaffordable, jobs untenable, the economy itself unsustainable. When Rupert Harrison, George Osborne's former adviser, is openly suggesting debt forgiveness, we are in very new territory.

Most people will want life to get back to normal as soon as possible. But if normal never comes, anything goes. And even the most radical ideas we've discussed would be on the moderate end of what could happen then.

[macgyvermedical]

Top 10 Public Health Triumphs of the 20th Century (in the USA)

Have you ever gotten stuck in an elevator with me? Because let me tell you, it would be a good time. We would talk about all kinds of fun stuff, like this top 10 list of awesome public health things.

A lot of people think of “Public Health” as a new field, but its been around for a long while, and it actually has a lot of power when it comes to law and people’s behaviors. This list was compiled by UC Berkley based on information from the CDC and Johns Hopkins, and is pretty interesting. I even put pictures in to keep it lively!

Promise.

1. Vaccine (and Vaccine Mandates)

Even if you personally have never been vaccinated, there’s a good chance a vaccine has saved your life. There are currently 17 vaccine-preventable diseases that are targeted by US vaccination policy. Studies say that every year, 42,000 people are born (annual cohort) who won’t die of vaccine-preventable illness. And that’s not even looking at the 20 million cases of illness that straight up won’t occur in that same annual birth cohort because of vaccines. Check out this handy before-and-after chart from the Association for Ohio Health Commissioners:

For those of you more monetarily-minded, the use of vaccines saves each annual cohort $14 billion in direct healthcare costs, and $69 billion in lost work and other societal costs.

2. Motor Vehicle Safety

Cars and other motor vehicles have been a massive technological advancement in the last century. Unfortunately, crashing those motor vehicles into each other also causes a lot of death.

But don’t fret! Even though we travel more than 10 times the number of total miles yearly in motor vehicles that our 1920′s counterparts did, we’ve seen a dramatic decrease in death rate. In 1925, for example, 18 people would die per 100 million vehicle miles traveled (VMT). In 1997, that number was down to 1.7 people per 100 mil VMT.

How did we do this? Those fuddy-duddies over at the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration figured out they could use epidemiology to track causes of traffic death, and came up with some cool interventions. These included things we take for granted today, including speed limits, road improvements (reflectors, breakaway signs, etc..), DUI laws, and vehicle improvements (seatbelts, airbags, head rests, etc...).

3. Workplace Safety

In 1913, 67 workers out of 100,000 died in workplace accidents. By 1997, that had dropped to only 4 per 100,000. While some of this is simply that people moved to less dangerous work (heart disease from sitting at a desk for 30 years is not counted), some really does have to do with increased safety measures on the job site. Some workplaces are inherently dangerous- Loggers, fisherpeople, and aircraft pilots among the most likely to die today as a result of their work. Even the most dangerous industry today, logging, with about 135.9 worker deaths per 100,000, doesn’t even touch one of the most dangerous jobs of 1911- mining, at 329 deaths per 100,000.

This decrease in workplace deaths comes from a variety of interventions. In the later part of the century, organizations like OSHA, NIOSH, MSHA, and USBM began to study workplace practices, publish standards, and inspect workplaces for compliance. They required the use of safer equipment (better ventilation systems), safer workplace practices (like dust suppression and wearing hard hats and other PPE), safety training for employees (OSHA certification, first aid training), and specialized training for healthcare professionals who might see occupational injuries.

4. Sanitation and Hygiene (and Health Department Police Power)

Do you like food? Water? Do you like not getting sick because you consumed it? Do you like flushing a toilet? Do you like not worrying about whether people with known cases of active TB are running around in public? Me too!

I want to be very clear that these weren’t always things you could count on. In fact, about 33% of deaths (of which, 40% were children under 5) in the US in the early 1900s could be traced to poor sanitation and lack of outbreak investigation and control. Today, that number is down to less than 4.5% (and that’s including HIV as an ongoing pandemic).

You may not be aware of this, but your local health department has a staggering amount of both legislative and judicial “police power.” For one thing, they are a separate entity from local government (under the health commissioner), and can therefore make their own decisions, even if the mayor orders otherwise.

They can...

Decide which restaurants, schools, businesses, and childcare centers are meeting health safety standards and therefore can stay open

Decide what the vaccination requirements for entrance to the schools and certain other public places are (and why you might have to wear a mask at work during flu season if you’re a medical professional who hasn’t gotten a flu shot)

Mandate the construction of public health infrastructure like sewer lines

Enter private property for reasonable suspicion (of a potential threat to public health)

Subpoena medical records

Issue mandatory quarantine, isolation, and vaccination orders

Detain people under police guard in a home or hospital if they have a significant communicable disease like active TB, meningitis, or ebola and are trying to escape (called a Code Brown in my area... thats a terrible name tho).

This is a really good thing. It allows the health department to do things that decrease the number of deaths from spoiled food and poor food handling procedures, as well as chlorinate your drinking water so you don’t get cholera, and make sure other people making poor choices aren’t going to be a threat to you personally.

5. Reduction in Heart Disease and Stroke (recognition of the role of risk factor management in disease)

You might recall from the Vaccine part of this post that Heart Disease and Stroke are leading causes of death today, so the idea that we somehow significantly reduced these deaths may not immediately compute. That’s because of 2 main things. One, just a staggering number of people were dying from infectious disease back then. Like, unless your name is literally Steven Grant Rodgers you have no freaking clue how many people were just... dying. All the time. From stuff you just straight up don’t see today because of vaccines and sanitation. And two, the peak for heart disease and stroke deaths came in the 50′s (307.4 deaths out of 100,000 due to heart disease in 1950), long after those initial measurements were taken, and have since decreased by about 56% (134.6 deaths out of 100,000 in 1996).

This decrease came, mostly, from a recognition of risk factors as a way to manage and prevent disease. The idea that there were certain things that you could do or not do that would make you more or less likely to end up sick or dead was unheard of before this. Studies done by a man named Ancel Keys of populations’ dietary habits throughout the US and the famed Framingham Heart Study determined that high blood cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking, and dietary factors played roles in the development of heart disease. This list was later expanded to include socioeconomic status, obesity, and physical inactivity.

The recognition that modifying risk factors (like changing one’s diet, increasing physical activity level, and quitting smoking) could prevent morbidity and mortality, and that screening for blood pressure and cholesterol could allow disease to be managed early before it resulted in a heart attack, is credited with saving those lives.

6. Food Safety and Nutrition

Can you imagine a time before we knew what a vitamin was? Or even, that food was made up of fats, proteins, and carbohydrates? Or a time before we were well aware that poorly handled or packaged foods caused illnesses like typhoid fever, botulism, TB, and scarlet fever?

Well, there was one, and it was only the early part of last century. In 1940, 16% of the population had trichinosis, a disease of the muscles caused by eating under-cooked, infected pork. By 1996, only 38 cases were reported yearly. Similarly, typhoid fever occurred at a rate of about 100 per 100,000 in 1900, only to drop to a mere 1.7 per 100,000 by 1950. There are many, many more of these statistics, but I didn’t want to type them out.

Basically, we made food safer and healthier in many ways, including but not limited to:

Pasteurization of milk and other products

Use of prompt refrigeration

Hand washing before food prep/processing

Application of pesticides and insecticides

Control of application of pesticides and insecticides to prevent harm to humans and the environment

Improved animal husbandry and processing systems

Introduction of preservatives

Better antimicrobial solutions to sanitize food prep areas

Fortifying staple foods with vitamins and minerals to prevent nutritional deficiencies like rickets, beri-beri, and scurvy

Improved surveillance of food-borne disease outbreak

7. Maternal and Infant Mortality

Listen, the US hasn’t totally got this figured out compared to other countries, but we’ve gotten better over the last century.

Overall, in 1900, 100 children out of 1,000 live births died before their first birthday (that’s not a typo, folks, that’s 1 in 10) and the mothers of 8-9 out of 1,000 live births died in childbirth or infection afterward. At the same time in many US cities, up to 30% of infants would die before their first birthday, mostly due to infections. By 1996, that number had been reduced to less than 0.1 death out of 1,000.

Along with the decline of infectious and foodborne disease through improved sanitation, the introduction of vaccination schedules, antibiotics, oral rehydration therapies, and pasteurization greatly decreased both maternal and infant mortality.

A lot of the problems for the mothers had to do with poor hygiene in those attending the birth (resulting in sepsis before the invention of antibiotics), excessive use of medical intervention (including operations and induction of labor) in labor, and bleeding. The invention of cleaner and safer operative deliveries, safer induction medications, and safer blood transfusions improved this considerably.

Its also worth mentioning that the availability of safer, legal abortion starting in the 1960s reduced mortality from sepsis after illegal abortions by 89%.

8. Family Planning

Following right along, family planning- the ability to literally plan how many children you want to have and when you want to have them, is also a major public health triumph.

In 1900, not a lot was known about conception and family planning, and what was known was actively suppressed. By 1912, through the work of Margaret Sanger and others, it became legal for healthcare providers to discuss contraception and family planning methods with married couples, including use of condoms, diaphragms, douches, and withdrawal methods. The rhythm method was introduced in 1928 with the understanding of the menstrual cycle and fertile period, and by 1933, the average family size had decreased from 3.5 to 2.3 children.

The number of children increased in the post-WW2 era to 3.7, but in 1960, two major breakthroughs- hormonal birth control and the IUD- further granted women the freedom to more effectively plan their childrearing. In 1965, it finally became (federally) legal for married couples to use birth control (again, not a typo, it really took that long).

By 1994, a combined effort of hospitals, Planned Parenthood clinics, and health departments were preventing an estimated 534,000 unintended births, 632,000 abortions, and 165,000 miscarriages annually through the use and education of contraception.

9. Fluoridation of Drinking Water, Toothpaste, and Other Products

This is another controversial one (why are interventions that save lives, decrease disability, and improve health so controversial in the US? Nothing is perfect, but we have the research to show this stuff works. Do you at least see how frustrating this is to healthcare and public health peeps by now? Your entire life has been saved and improved by these measures in some way or another. Stop it.)

No one likes going to the dentist. And whether you like it or not, if you drink tap water from many places in the US, you’re passively avoiding doing so! Yes, I’m talking about the fluoride in your water.

How did that fluoride get there? Well, its a much longer story than this, but, turns out, many water sources in the US already had fluoride in them- ranging from less than 1ppm to about 12ppm. A dentist named Frederick McKay noticed that people in Colorado Springs had an odd discoloration to their teeth. McKay found that there were other places in the US that had similar discolorations and hypothesized that there might be a connection to something in their drinking water. He had the water tested, and found that what these areas had in common were high levels of fluoride in their water. Another thing they had in common were lower rates of tooth decay. This sparked the possibility of controlling the amount of fluoride in drinking water to 1ppm- high enough to prevent cavities, but low enough so as not to cause the discoloration.

In communities where fluoride is added to drinking water, there are about 18% fewer cavities. This may not seem like a lot, but it results in a savings of up to $53 dollars per person per year in dental care, which is heavily skewed towards savings in lower-income communities. Compare this with an average cost of between $0.31 and $2.12 per person, per year to fluoridate the water, and you see significant savings. At least partially because of this (as well as increased access to dental care and the addition of fluoride to other things, like toothpaste), baby boomers are the first generation expected to reach their 60s with the majority of their teeth intact!

10. Recognition of Tobacco as a Health Hazard

Okay, folks, almost done! No one is happier than I, who has spent over 8 hours straight researching and writing this tumblr post. But I committed to it despite having (ironically public health) homework to do, and finished it shall be! Onward, Public Health!

I don’t think many people would be surprised when presented with the fact that inhaling smoke is bad for humans. I think the CDC said it best when they typed “Smoking- once a socially accepted behavior- is the leading preventable cause of death and disability in the United States.”

I sh*t you not, in the US in 1963, the average PER CAPITA consumption of cigarettes was 4,345. That’s the equivalent slightly more than of half the total US population being pack-a-day smokers that year. It is now (in 2015 at least) about a quarter of that, at 1,078.

Tobacco use contributes to many cancers, heart disease, COPD, low birth weight, asthma and many other diseases, either because of how damaging it is to lungs and blood vessels when smoked (smoke particles less than 2.5 microns enter the blood stream and damage the vasculature, and therefore all tissues with blood vessels in them), or because of the effects of nicotine and other toxic substances on blood pressure, intrauterine growth retardation, and substance dependency.  Death by lung cancer was 4.9 deaths per 100,000 people in 1930 vs 75.6 per 100,000 in 1990.

By recognizing tobacco as a health hazard, public health and healthcare professionals were able to initiate widespread anti-tobacco education in schools, which has drastically reduced teen and young adult smoking rates. They could also restrict advertising of tobacco products, increase taxes on those products, and introduce counter-advertising campaigns. It also allows physicians and other healthcare workers to be a part of the smoking cessation process (if you smoke, you’ll be offered cessation resources at every doctors appointment and hospital visit). This from only 60 years ago when doctors actively encouraged smoking and were used in advertising.

Fortunately, with these campaigns and reduction in overall tobacco use, we are seeing a decrease in death rates from tobacco-related illnesses listed above. Indoor air quality laws and the prohibition of smoking on many college campuses have reduced public exposure to second-hand smoke, and also helped decrease smoking as a norm.

The jury’s still out on newer nicotine-containing products like vapes and juuls. They’re probably better for you than inhaling smoke, and nicotine by itself is not known to be cancer-causing, but they can contain other substances humans also probably shouldn’t be breathing. Like everything, we’ll know in about 50 years.

[Patreon] [Ko-Fi]

[cadeeelewis-blog]

Annotated Bibliography

Cade Lewis 

Annotated Bibliography 

Fish Burton

November 27, 2019

Annotated Bibliography

“Are Electric Vehicles Really Environmentally Friendly?” Energuide, https://www.energuide.be/en/questions-answers/are-electric-vehicles-really-environmentally-friendly/197/.

      When we talk about electric cars, we usually perceive them to be zero omission cars. But that is just not the case. There’s a few different things that we can look at that will confirm this. Basically, even if we drove an electric vehicle and it didn’t create very much air pollution or harm to the environment, we need to take into consideration how the energy is being generated and how it is being used. 

      What I mean by that, is that even though driving a Tesla down the road may not cause a lot of harm, we need to take a step back and realize how that battery was made inside the Tesla and where we are getting our energy from to charge the Tesla. From reading this article I understand that about 60% of the energy that we use in the United States comes from fossil fuels. What that means is that 60% of the energy comes from gas or coal which are fossil fuels. 

      This can be a very bad thing considering that quite a few people have electric cars. Another bad thing is that this is only the charging aspect. Now if we take a look at the battery, we can see that they are made in factories which create even more pollution in the air. 

Biswas, Asit K., and Cecilia Tortajada. “Electric Vehicles Are Changing the World. And They're Only Just Getting Started.” The Conversation, 27 Oct. 2019, http://theconversation.com/electric-vehicles-are-changing-the-world-and-theyre-only-just-getting-started-90402.

      There’s something really significant that I would like to point out about this specific article about how electric cars can change the world. And that is that about 90% of the world runs off of liquid fuels. And this holds true especially for businesses and companies that use semi‘s in trucking to transport goods from one place to another. 

      I believe a very good question to ask ourselves is, “are we using a lot more fossil fuels to run our regular vehicles then if we had electric cars? Even though electric cars do use fossil fuel, would they significantly reduce how much fossil fuels we are using rather than using liquid fuels in our cars? “ I think this is something very serious we need to consider as we move forward in this essay. 

      I will use an opinion that comes directly from my immediate family. Although I would love to have an electric car, my whole entire family has vehicles that use liquid fuels. And none of my family would consider an electric car at this moment.

      CatClifford. “Elon Musk: Tesla's Work '.Supersedes Political Parties, Race, Creed, Religion'.” CNBC, CNBC, 6 Nov. 2018, https://www.cnbc.com/2018/11/05/elon-musk-teslas-work-is-important-to-the-future-of-the-world.html.

      “This supersedes political parties, race, creed, religion, it doesn’t matter. If we do not solve the environment, we’re all damned,” Musk said. This statement really made an impact on the way I look at electric cars and how others look at electric cars. 

      I think the statement really holds true to the fact that doesn’t matter what color you are or race or gender or political party. When we look at both electric cars and gas cars included, we need to realize that this is an important factor in the next 40 to 50 years of our life. This is going to change everything and we really need to think about what is going to be the best for us and for the environment. 

      Just like Elon musk stated, if we don’t figure this out, we’re going to be screwed. Electric cars are emerging from the depths of the earth score. And Tesla is becoming cheaper and cheaper. What are we to do in the future, and what is it going to take for electric cars to be completely omission free and be able to have a positive impact on the world.

Clemente, Jude. “More Electric Cars Mean More Coal And Natural Gas.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 25 Jan. 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/judeclemente/2018/01/24/more-electric-vehicles-mean-more-coal-and-natural-gas/.

      Electric cars are a very fast growing market. In a study done in 2017, electric vehicle purchases were up 30% to about 200,000 units. Personally when I look at this I feel that that is a significant amount of electric cars that were purchased in one year. Especially given the fact that the Tesla model 3 was barely on its way. 

      There are quite a few initiatives in multiple countries that are now banning the sales of oil based vehicles. This is said to happen within the next couple decades, but what they are doing is trying to weed out all the gas vehicles so that their air will be cleaner and more efficient. A few of these countries will be China, India, and Norway. Given this fact, what we don’t realize is that again, the electric car is still using fossil fuel. 

      How could this be possible? Is because most of the electricity that comes from electric cars is produced by coal plants or sometimes gas. All of these limiting factors are fossil fuels, and will inhibit us from proceeding in the future because of our continuous use of fossil fuels. It is important to note that a few countries are trying to stray more towards green energy which would come from solar panels and other things such as those.

Dia, Hussein. “Jobs, Tax and Politics: Three Ways Electric Vehicles Will Change Our World.” The Conversation, 4 June 2019, https://theconversation.com/jobs-tax-and-politics-three-ways-electric-vehicles-will-change-our-world-84910.

      If we take a look at China, we can see that they have the largest car market in the world. They are working to stop the production of fossil fuel powered vehicles, to be able to make the atmosphere and the environment a cleaner place. India, believe it or not, has also issued a statement that they are going to make all of the cars electric by the year 2030. 

      They’re doing this in hopes they can make the environment a little more green and save fossil fuels. If you look at the factories, we can see that electric vehicles including their batteries is less labor and time and energy compared to the vehicles and batteries of petrol vehicles. In turn,  this could be very bad because by the year 2030 we could have a loss of 600,000 jobs. 

      And that would just be in Germany alone. But, going all electric by the year 2030 will also create a lot of stress on businesses who owned the oil companies. A Stanford economist named Tony Ceba and his team have a vision, and they believe that the desolation will come much sooner as early as the 2020s.

“Electric Car Innovation: How Electric Vehicles Are Changing the World.” None, https://www.plugandplaytechcenter.com/resources/electric-car-innovation-how-electric-vehicles-are-changing-world/.

      Right off the bat this article talks about someone that drove through Silicon Valley and saw quite a few teslas.They say and a lot of people I’ve talk to say, that Tesla is one of the most popular vehicles on the road today. We can back this up by how many teslas that the company itself has sold in just the past two years. 

      Not only that, but Elon musk was going to go bankrupt, but obviously he hasn’t since he has released the model Y, the new 2020 Tesla roadster, and now he has just released the cyber truck. People who are all over the world are trying to convert to the electric vehicle to not only save money on fuel, but to help the environment. They claim that in the future, specifically in future cities, you will be able to see Tesla’s more and more on the road. 

      Surprisingly, there is more than 40 electric car models available in the world today. According to JP Morgan, by the year 2025, most electric vehicles and hybrid electric vehicles will account for 30% of all the cars that are sold in the United States. Additionally, CNBC says that by the year 2030, the amount of electric cars on the road will increase from 3 Million to 125 Million. 

Hawkins, Andrew J. “How Tesla Changed the Auto Industry Forever.” The Verge, The Verge, 28 July 2017, https://www.theverge.com/2017/7/28/16059954/tesla-model-3-2017-auto-industry-influence-elon-musk.

      The first statement of this article that “Tesla’s have changed the world” is pretty bold. I believe this is the start of something great, and people all over the world are searching for the next best thing that is going to save the environment and save our fossil fuels. Is this Tesla? Let’s find out. When Elon musk first released the Tesla model 3, he gave it out to the first 30 customers which we think to be his employees. 

      We don’t realize exactly how far him and his company has come until we take a look at the numbers that they have produced. Another factor that we have not taken into consideration, is one that I feel like is very important in the realm of the electric car industry. We always take a look at electric cars, the way that they’re shaped, the way that they look, and how they drive. We also look at the cost of them, and their fuel economy and how well they are going to save our fossil fuels and be better for the environment. But I personally feel like there’s another element involved in this. 

      And that is, that Elon musk came out with a feature called auto pilot. Now we always wonder if electric cars will be our future. But come to find out, this auto pilot feature may not be exactly what we need at the moment. Or maybe it will be. There was quite a few case studies of people using auto pilot who took their hands off the wheels and crashed the car because they were reckless. 

      Now, this always happens when there is a new product or a new service provided. We all know that one person who got something new and then ruined it because they didn’t take the proper precautions. 

Horrell, Paul. “How Green Is an Electric Car, Really?” Top Gear, Top Gear, 26 Apr. 2019, https://www.topgear.com/car-news/electric/how-green-electric-car-really.

      We can’t ignore the fact that energy from electric vehicles comes from burning fossil fuels. Which in turn is CO2. We can’t ignore the fact that the more people buy electric vehicles, the more people are going to use coal burning elements to charge and fuel their electric vehicles. 

      But we also have to factor in, that power stations are more efficient than car engines. What that means is that an electric car only uses half of the CO2 per mile than a regular gas car would. So in turn, maybe the electric vehicle is actually more efficient and uses less fossil fuels then a regular petrol or diesel vehicle. 

      But, believe it or not, the UK actually gets all it’s energy sources from renewable energy. Now something even more interesting. I will share a part of the article that talks about carbon impact. It states, “The most recent studies I’ve seen, including one by the immensely thorough ICTT (the guys who unearthed Dieselgate), put the carbon impact of manufacturing an EV at just under three times a piston car.” 

      So now we can see that an electric vehicle only makes 1/3 of the carbon impact compared to a gas vehicle. Additionally, a lot of people don’t know that electric car batteries can be used for more than one purpose. Electric car vehicle batteries can be used for grid power storage. 

McFadden, Christopher. “7 Ways Electric Vehicles Are Set To Change The Future.” Interesting Engineering, Interesting Engineering, 16 May 2019, https://interestingengineering.com/7-ways-electric-vehicles-are-set-to-change-the-future.

      The title of this article. Seven ways that an electric vehicle can change the future. How bold is that? Let’s read more in depth about this article. The article states that as electric vehicle prices drop in performance increases, there will be more room and more opportunities for people to buy them. 

      I think it’s very interesting because at first electric vehicles were very, very expensive. Not very many people could afford them unless you were rich, or very wealthy. But now, as Tesla has released the new model 3, a lot more people are able to afford an electric vehicle. Not only that, but there is quite a few models including the Chevy bolt, and the Nissan leaf that are very affordable models.

      But one question to take in the consideration. As people buy electric vehicles and more purchases are made, will the energy grid be able to support them? But, as the article states, there could be a solution to this. And the solution could be the people could be their own energy producers, and have such things as solar panels or self-sustaining energy that can actually power their Tesla and charge it for them. 

      This would make it so they wouldn’t rely on the cities energy grid, and this could make it much easier for people to buy an electric vehicle. It would also help, because it would make it so that the scientists and engineers wouldn’t have to think of 1000 ways they could extend the energy grid, because the people would just be supporting themselves and using their own solar grids. 

      Lastly, the other benefit of an electric car is that maintenance and repairs will be very cheap. Since an electric car doesn’t use things such as spark plugs, mass air sensors, fuel pumps, or oil just to name a few, there won’t be as much need for maintenance on electric cars. 

Tim Urban, WaitButWhy. “How Tesla Will Change the World.” Business Insider Australia, Business Insider Australia, 4 June 2015, https://www.businessinsider.com.au/how-tesla-will-change-the-world-2015-6.

      There was a woman named Christie Nicholson who first met Elon musk at a party in 1989. Elon joked a lot about electric cars in the first couple minutes of meeting with her. She remembers that he said, “do you ever think about electric cars?” 

      Electric cars was probably not the most common thing to think about in that time period, but it was what Elon musk was thinking about and what he wanted to do with his life. The article talks a lot about how Elon owned SpaceX before he owned Tesla motors. I think this is really interesting that he wanted to go to Mars and have a city there before he even wanted to make a simple electric car. But, Elon partnered up and he started the company called Tesla motors. 

      When Elon launched this company, he had three goals in mind. One, to make a production car available for the rich. It would be a car that was close to a Ferrari that he could charge over $100,000 for. The next, would be a car for the middle class that would be over $70,000 and still really fancy. 

      And lastly, he would make a car for mass production, that anyone could buy and use. I think this concept is really interesting that he would make different cars for different people. But it makes perfect sense knowing that this would be the best for his business and for the company overall.

[emilyyankee-blog]

What is Sustainability and How Can We Achieve It

When trying to define and understand sustainability, Earth is one of the best places to start, as it has been able to adapt and thrive through a variety of changing conditions and environmental threats. The main reason for this being its dependence on three main components, solar energy, biodiversity, and chemical cycling. The Earth's ability to maintain these three characteristics throughout time is what has led it to become such a sustainable force. However, these components of sustainability the Earth has relied on for so long have recently come under threat due to the destructive actions of humans. As made evident by the UN Millennium Ecosystem Assessment human beings rely on the services of Earth's ecosystem throughout their everyday life. The ecosystem provides us with food, raw materials, fresh water, and medicine. It regulates the quality of our air and soil and even provides us with many spiritual and psychological benefits. Despite all these benefits human beings continue to subject the Earth to extreme stress. One of the leading causes of this damage is humans using up the Earth's resources faster than it can produce them (Fig.1).

Figure 1: Degradation of Natural Resources

This could be through things such as lumber companies cutting down millions of trees or fishing companies overfishing. Both of these practices lead to things such as deforestation and species loss, which can be extremely detrimental to Earth's biodiversity. Our use of fossil fuels and greenhouse gases also places extreme strain on the Earth by contributing to mass pollution of our natural resources such as water, soil, and air. Furthermore, many of the plastics we use in our everyday life release poisons into the environment that affect not only the wildlife but the nutrient cycle. As explained best in the World Scientist Warning to Humanity, "Our massive tampering with the world's interdependent web of life—coupled with the environmental damage inflicted by deforestation, species loss, and climate change—could trigger widespread adverse effects, including unpredictable collapses of critical biological systems" (Kendall 1992). Therefore, our actions are not only taking a toll on the environment but could, in turn, lead to our destruction.

Another critical factor to consider when talking about sustainability is one's ecological footprint. An ecological footprint is a measurement of the amount of land and water needed to supply a population with the necessary renewable resources, while also maintaining the ability to recycle the waste and pollution produced by those resources. Scientists usually take this ecological footprint of what one would theoretically need and compare it to the resources on Earth that we actually have (biocapacity). If the ecological footprint is larger than the biocapacity that population is said to have an ecological deficit. The US is one of many places with an ecological deficit a fact that is evident in my own ecological footprint (fig.2). According to my results if everybody lived the way I did we would need three Earths to produce the necessary amounts of natural resources. Furthermore, May 1st would be the day when we used up more of the natural resources than the Earth could provide. This result was extremely shocking to me and put into perspective just how detrimental the way we are living can be to our planet. I knew that the way we were living was harming the environment, but I honestly didn't realize the extent of this damage.

Figure 2. My Ecological Footprint

After finishing the readings, it became apparent to me just how destructive our actions can be on the environment, and it is evident that we need to focus on finding a reasonable solution. This solution, however, should not just be focused on the sciences but take into account ethics, economics, and politics (fig.3). The answer to our issue of sustainability is not as simple as using less plastic but is much more complicated than that. In the World Scientist Warning to Humanity, they urge people to limit our amount of environmentally damaging activities and to protect the aspects of the Earth's ecosystem that we rely on. However, I don't think this is the most effective solution for our current situation. I don't believe that all people would change the way they live because it is damaging the environment. One of the best examples of this could be those big companies who are profiting the most from the draining of Earth's resources and are also the biggest culprits of such activities. Take, for example, lumber companies who benefit from cutting down millions of trees a year. They are not going to stop cutting down all these trees, because they are profiting from it. The same can be said for big oil and fishing companies. While it may be true that everyday citizens could be taking action to limit their damaging activities, the same can't be said for these big companies who cause the majority of the problems.

Figure 3: The Principles of Sustainability

Therefore, I think a more effective solution would be to focus on solutions such as full cost funding and finding win-win solutions. Full-cost pricing would tackle the issue of individual people and their environmentally damaging actions. I think one of the major problems is people don't realize how damaging some of the products they buy can be to the environment. Therefore, through full-cost pricing consumers would become more aware of the harmful impacts of these products. Additionally, increasing the prices of these hazardous products would limit sales of that item. Furthermore, I think it's also essential to decrease the cost of the environmentally friendly products because many people do want to buy these products but can't afford them because of their high prices. Regarding the harmful ways of these big companies, I think looking for win-win solutions would be the best solution. Like I said previously, these big companies are not going to stop these harmful activities that they are profiting from. Therefore, politicians must work closely with these companies and try to make some type of compromise. It could be something like the LEED certifications here in NYC, where buildings that meet specific, environmentally friendly design standards get benefits in return. Another idea I believe to be important in solving our issue of sustainability is biomimicry. As explained before, the Earth and nature are some of the best examples of sustainability. Therefore, we should study and learn from those who have successful master a sustainable lifestyle, whether that be through studying the lifestyle of organisms and mimicking their most effective strategies or modeling new and modern technology based on their actions. Regardless I think it is important to turn to and learn from nature and the organisms that live within it, as they are perfect examples of how to live a sustainable life.

Question: What do you believe to be the most important issue surrounding environmental sustainability that must be tackled first in order to create substantial change?

Word Count: 1128

Work Cited

Kendall, Henry. 1992. “1992 World Scientists’ Warning to Humanity.” Union of Concerned Scientists. www.ucsusa.org/resources/1992-world-scientists-warning-humanity.

Miller, Tyler G., and Spoolman Scott. 2018. “Chapter 1: The Environment and Sustainability.” Living in the Environment, 2-24. National Geographic Learning/Cengage Learning.

Millennium Ecosystem Assessment. 2005. Ecosystems and Human Well-being: Synthesis, v-x,1-5. Washington DC: Island Press, Washington, DC.

Ripple, William J, et al. “World Scientists’ Warning of a Climate Emergency.” Home Page World Scientists' Warning to Humanity. scientistswarning.forestry.oregonstate.edu/.

[juistheseminarian]

Eccentric, part 2 : now I’m here

I was planning to be done with this by now - both with this article and with the illness. I can’t believe that it’s been almost 15 years and I still get people congratulating me for acknowledging that I have an issue and going it’s-the-first-step-to-recovery, which they’ve learned was an appropriate thing to say since you don’t want to stand there and be embarrassed like I do with my boyfriend’s mom when she starts crying (which she does a lot). I’ve stirred things and realized things and I intended this to sound like a sort of retrospective from a place of unadulterated success. But guess what! 

I ended the last bit on my return from anorexia and lasting relationship with a psychologist I described as abusive, although that may be excessive and may come from the resentment of a long therapy seemingly not having “worked”. I started seeing them around age 12, before the eating disorder really declared, and i was referred to them at the end of an endless session of musical chairs through which I met many, many ‘emergency’ professionals whose schedules couldn’t accommodate another patient. I had to tell the whole story every time as if I were filing a police complaint or justifying an ailment that had long thinned beyond recognition, losing more of its meaning every time; I worried often, and I still do, about making myself sound ill enough to be considered, knowing I was taking their time when they could be curing people with actual issues. 

Having been sent to therapy after the school phobia I developed as a 5 or 6-year-old, and then again as a 12-year-old, and on and off ever since, means I’ve barely lived without framing my every breath as something to be treated and fixed, analyzed and made normal, insufficient, dependant, bending the wrong way. I entered this longest bout of therapy as a child and left it a decade later as a child. I believe for the first few years the psychologist was reliable if a little too set in her ways: there was no talk of medication outside of an apparent agreement to exclude it, which comforted my irrational fear of treatment with just as little medical basis as I previously had. However, her patient-based approach helped me feel like this time around it wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t “really” anything, or that’s how I viewed it at first. I don’t mean to dismiss the entirety of what happened there, only, you know, the bits where a refusal to diagnose me lead to a refusal to treat me, which in turn lead to desperation to fit me into the superstitious ramblings of an unstable person who refused to treat herself. Fuck that person. Call it what it is. 

I resented the amount of information she gave me about herself, the description of her previous marriage leading up to ten years of unhappiness she couldn’t get out of, the description of her current partner’s superior attitude, the way her life was a mess and the way I viewed her as honest instead of genuinely intrusive. She’d offer to pay me to iron her clothes, she’d talk to my teenage self about her finances, about her gynecological health, and I listened, and my mother became concerned. By then she had framed my parents as unable to understand me the way she would, she whose child had run away from home and I had to know all about it, apparently. I defended her. 

After the anorexia bit I grew alright for a while. I went to high school, I had a boyfriend, I neglected my own friends in order to make him my first priority at all costs, in short I was playing my role very well. My writing got noticed, as it should be, and I was exempted from english class, as I should be. I was bad at maths, I was good at history, I enjoyed latin class, I had friends I looked cool to because of the whole having had sex thing. Over one year my boyfriend and I had split up and I saw a few boys from my grade, most notably a wreck of a teen who regularly said he could be doing this with any of my friends and prided himself for using me “as an experiment”. When I broke up with him to go have the world’s least satisfactory sex with a friend of his, he called me crying hundreds of times. He had read somewhere that cool people had open relationships so he wanted one: when I took him up on that he said I disgusted him, turned around cause he “couldn’t look at me”, and masturbated in my bed. It was terrific. I was a sheep in shame’s clothing. 

There were the “can we do this without a condom”s and the “I want to see you shove that shower up your vagina to clean out the danger and I’m watching you”s and the “I can’t believe you cheated on me”s (he was kind!) and the “I’m storming out of your birthday party because you and your friends are little bitches”s. I don’t like how this is taking the same turn my life took - revolving around boys and men the second it got the chance, which is something I still haven’t worked out today as I live under the constant scrutiny of my several imaginary sugar daddy-leaning role models, but I’m keeping that topic for next time. This is, of course, she says in a white girl voice, about me. 

During the last year of high school, the boyfriend and I broke up for good because I had fallen in love with a guy we had met at a music festival and had pursued email after email. I felt glorious cracking the shells of emotionally unstable dudes and making them rely on me for subcontracting introspection: now I take “you’re the closest friend I’ve ever had” as a red flag, poisonous edible paper that dissolves in my water tank and kills me. It seems I do know better now, and it seems no woman ever told me that, and I keep being scared of them, and I keep being gay too, that’s my life’s familiar ghost. I’ve never gone far enough to confront the very real fact of loving women: I saw it as a kid when female nudity made me react, when I didn’t feel any sense of belonging with either boys or girls, when I felt like a monster. That desire is different because I don’t let it exist. Funny i’m only mentioning it now. What’s it like to be out to yourself? 

Do you relate to princesses? To female leads? Sometimes I can’t allow myself to replace fictional characters cause how realistic would it be to have the man of the story want to fuck me when my buttcrack isn’t even shaved? Obviously that would never work. Obviously cinderella’s ass is smooth. I never feel polished enough, or good enough an actor, or intelligible enough: expanding like a red giant, I feel like a stomach with needs, and the picture is grotesque - nothing like those Degas ballerinas. Dripping, eating itself, round but not motherly, the hunchback from Ken Russell’s the Devils is too feminine next to me. Suppose i’m fattening from storing all that shame. 

***

These days I resent the other diseased. Everyone hates my uncle cause he’s got it too and he drinks and he takes medication that people view with contempt; he lets himself die but it never seems to work even though he acts like it. Somehow something is still barely holding his limbs attached, miraculously, precariously. And my friend’s mother too, brain locked in a hamster wheel, hanging on to people like smeagol consumed, no longer in touch: filtering words like a beekeeper, only letting the crazy in. She makes me afraid to give birth. Would my children grow with a devolved being, Lovecraft’s blind cave-dweller, who once was human and is now condemned to live? Avoiding it in hallways, fearing it under their bed? 

By the fourth year of the relationship with festival boy my anxiety had become the decisive factor in every single move I made. I could no longer travel, be spontaneous, laugh, orgasm or breathe. The lump in my throat had grown bigger than I was and my face felt numb, I evaporated, I had emergency doctors drive a camera through my nose only for them to confirm I was choking myself this whole time. It really felt strange: like you’d have tried to swallow turkish delight but it piled up in your throat, invisible. The doctor wrote: patient known for anxiety. I thought: great, now when I die for real they’re gonna think i’m crying wolf and also they’re gonna be right. Fortunately enough, I then was relieved from the constant imminence of choking, you’d never guess how. 

I called a therapist my mom had taken me to when i was about 12 and we both liked her a lot - serious and a little intimidating in just the right way, a little soft yet clearly not one to let me bullshit my way out (my mom liked those). I was in the uni hall with some friends when her assistant called me back and scheduled an appointment for me later this same week: it was a huge deal. She remembered me. I suddenly felt safe, suddenly felt myself slip from my own consciousness like the narrator in Janice Galloway’s depression book when she enters a clinic: she’s no longer her own problem, or so she thinks at first, before realizing care never comes in the shape we expected. 

I started treatment almost immediately and was in shock at the realization that I did not need to suffer any more. I wasn’t aware, I didn’t KNOW of the existence of medication that would prevent me from spending hours and hours in inescapable pain, contorting my body between screams and frantic sobs, persuaded I was about to die a solitary death that’d leave me to witness my loved ones moving on in relief. Everything around me felt temporary and fleeting and treacherous. And most of all, each of these occasions were a trial for my failure to live, and I sat accused as my chrysalis life developed before me, never free, never daring, hidden, waiting. Every time, I realized how much I was missing out on. Every time I was too tired to seize the day after recovering and just dozed, scrutinized always, for a respite I knew would be short. My idea of living was a xanax in front of any distracting tv show: suddenly sleep was warm, and I wasn’t dying, and things lifted by the tornado gently fell back into place, and disappeared. 

(river) Oh, I got plenty of help. Therapists and medications and EMDR and - hypnosis and transcendental meditation. Nothing made me feel better (...) I feel everything. There just wasn’t enough positive emotion to balance me out. (payton: so it wasn’t because of me?) (river) no. you were my only relief. (“the politician” (2019) ep.6) 

My trust in festival boy was broken: I felt that if I was ever overcome with the looming fear and froze, he wouldn’t help. I have no idea if it was true: I’m very prone to blaming others for my feeling abandoned, often with no relation to their behaviour. I never could learn his language (i’m sure I can now) and the required travelling to see him became too much, even though we had met through travelling and didn’t feel at home anywhere. This continent of my life was infected and we steeped in sepsis for months and months, resentful, picturing other people when we touched, searching for admiration elsewhere. It’s the worst thing you can do to a bond, demand things from it when it’s dead, as if it was gonna answer. You know it’s been dead for months but when you try and bury it, you can swear you saw it squirm, and then it’s gone, and you took out the doubt. 

In this case I didn’t, Martin did. Martin was an old friend I knew through my first partner, and he came back into my life with an exact timing, like he was taking up an offer I was about to throw at someone else. It was all i wanted, car rides at night, feeling desired, watching him on stage, not being shamed. Comfort and help and reassurance, feeling small next to him, and knowing for certain that he understood: everything he says I take seriously, because there’s no way he doesn’t know, I could never lie, and I don’t want to. Well - I omit a little bit since that’s what it takes for me to grow guilt-free: I’m a fangirl and have never felt the need to stop, I let the obsession continent drift and crash, and perhaps it will become submerged and perhaps it won’t. Point is, I can defend it now, all the pieces I feel,I’m no one’s moodboard. 

I took a step back and realized I had no way of relying on the trope of a positive ending to this,  since there isn’t one. I see no perspective for myself, and I recently understood why antidepressants were considered a risk factor for suicides. It did make me indifferent to things that used to be matters of life and death: school grades, my weight… I care, and I don’t. I gained over 10 kg that sports don’t affect at all: I run all the time, cycle all the time, and it piles up forever, and I don’t recognize myself. I don’t fit in myself anymore. I don’t want to celebrate this thing i haven’t chosen and that I can’t deal with, and when I start thinking about it I end up in a frenzy. I just pretend it’s not there, but I feel so heavy carrying all that me. 

It’s a good time to be lost, if you’re okay with it. I’m not. I’m not free enough to be lost: I’m merely pulling on my leash and choking myself, looking at the shop displays, window shopping for life, shiny presents in a snowy christmas street, the others singing while I watch. I watch, I drift off, they see me lose focus, we’re too tired to get me back. There’s so much to experience and when I look back, so much I’m glad I’ve done before realizing I was doing it, because clearly it would be too late by now. I’m not a recluse by choice: I’m one of the weak ones, the eternal witness, or a loser, depending on how you see it. I like both. I think taking myself as seriously as i do now is both a symptom and a cause of why I’m such a bore: what’s so bad about looking stupid? I do it all the time while trying to not look anything at all. It’s not that deep, if I do say so myself, and as you’d expect, I never do. Ah the clever girl’s burden, say the adults, and together we mock the monster we’ve created and the monster takes it personally. 

So see, that’s where I’m at: no longer can I lazily bask in the excuse of a shitty partner, this time it’s on me, it’s on being sick, it’s on being sick without an excuse. My parents support me. My partner supports me. My friends would support me if i let them anywhere near me. But I take the crazy and I give it an incubator, I show it films with role models of crazy so it can grow and grow and finally make me special, isn’t this what I do? Look at joaquin phoenix and lose weight, I tell it; you’re not very good at the crazy, looking so plump and healthy. At least show your scars: they’re fading, it’s been over a decade, so now what, we’re just gonna look like someone who should get a makeover without the moving story of why they’re neglecting their appearance? What’s funny is, I’m actually a very ambitious person, mediocre is my rock bottom - listen to me when I tell you. There’s no such thing as effortless when effortless is a mountain.

(payton: i’m scared.) (river) don’t be. There’s more honor in defeat than there is in unused potential. (“the politician” (2019), ep.8) 

My therapist recently told me that if I was catholic I’d be in trouble. Duh, right? Jokes aside, she went: then people would see you as a waste because you do nothing with your force. You wouldn’t be allowed to just have that and not live it. I pondered: don’t you think I know that? Is more guilt really the solution? 

I know i want things. I know I love things, and people, and sounds, and places, and smells, and being alive. But do you see the difference between ‘knowing’ you shouldn’t be doing something, and understanding it in your very flesh, by experience, growing from it with the intimate conviction that it’s something you must stay away from? I know those things, and I don’t feel them really. I’m a fast learner, I’m a semi competent person, I can almost seem okay in a group. But I have shackles for lungs and I have concrete for breath. It’s got brutalist charm and warmth almost doesn’t spread. 

So that’s where I am with the dreams I have and the love I feel and the way it won’t come out. I suppose I’m awake but I’m not quite there. Martin feels it first: the pain on his face when I disconnect is breaking my heart. He’s just trying to bring me back. I’m loved. I’m locked away. And once my arms break I’ll dig my way out with my teeth if I need to.

[bryanfaganlaw]

Things you probably didn't know about divorce in Texas but definitely need to

If you have need a best suitable service your Child Law experience, Things you probably didn't know about divorce in Texas but definitely need to with the great process!

Houston Divorce Attorney: You’ve probably heard the expression, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” I don’t know where the phrase came from and as an attorney I couldn’t think of a less true statement, to be honest. What you don’t know certainly can hurt you when it comes to life in general as well as in a divorce case. You’ve worked your entire life to build a good marriage, save money, invest wisely, raise well adjusted and productive children. Now it has become obvious to you that in at least one of those regards you have not managed to do as well as you would like. What do you really need to know before, during and after a divorce?

Well, you need to know quite a bit. Too much to list in a single blog post. We can start to prepare little by little in hopes of having you know as much as you can about divorce. In yesterday’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC we began a discussion on this topic and in today’s blog we will continue doing so.

Don’t take the division of your community property for granted

Most people who enter into a divorce have a mistaken belief when it comes to how their property is going to be divided up between themselves and their spouse. I guess at some point a rumor started circulating that property in a Texas divorce would be divided straight down the middle- 50/50. This is not the case. In fact, there is nowhere in the Texas Family Code that references an equal division of community property upon divorce.

Let’s establish one thing right at the start: only community property is divided by a court in a divorce. This means that property (including most forms of “income”) acquired, purchased or earned during your marriage is to be divided at the time of your divorce. There are some exceptions that exist- property inherited during your marriage and property that was gifted to you alone- but for the most part all property that comes into your possession during your marriage is considered community property.

Separate property is everything else, namely the property that you acquired prior to the beginning of your marriage in addition to the exceptions I laid out in the above paragraph. The separate property that you and your spouse own are not within the court’s power to divide. It is important to note that there is a presumption under the law in Texas that all property owned by you and your spouse at the time of your divorce is community property. Therefore, you and your spouse must each provide evidence to rebut this presumption if you intend to argue that a particular piece of property is separately owned.

All of this is to say that when dividing up community property, a court must only do so in a just and right manner. Just and right sounds a little squishy to most people and in fact it is. A judge is given a fair amount of latitude to divide up community property based on the circumstances of you and your spouse. It could be that property is basically divided up 50/50, but most courts do not end up at this result. How exactly a court will divide up community property is the topic of the next section in this blog

What factors will a court consider when dividing up community property?

Houston Family Lawyer: Although courts are given wide latitude when it comes to dividing up property there are some guiding principles that a judge can look to. These are all pretty straightforward and basically center around the future income earning abilities of you and your spouse, your work experience/education, and your physical health at the time of your divorce. A judge is placing educated guesses on how well you are positioned to earn an income for yourself after your divorce and provide for your needs/those of your children. If you are more highly educated, have an established career and a significant amount of separate property to your name you are likely not going to be awarded more than half of your community property estate.

Another important factor that a judge will consider when dividing up community property is any fault that you or your spouse played in the breakup of your marriage. For example, if you are alleging in your petition for divorce that your spouse committed adultery and that infidelity caused a breakup in the marriage then a judge will listen to evidence and review the circumstances to determine if it actually played a substantial role in your divorce. If so, you may be entitled to a disproportionate share of your community estate. For our purposes, disproportionate means greater than 50%.

Fair does not mean equal because equal is not always fair. It is nearly impossible for a court to divide up your community estate in an exact 50/50 fashion even if the evidence and circumstances lead your judge to believe that this is the appropriate method to divide your community estate.

It’s all business when it comes to dividing up your community estate

I understand that your divorce is an emotional time in your life. As a family law attorney, I have shared in highly emotional and delicate situations with clients of all different backgrounds. There is no doubt that what you are going through in a divorce is something that you will not be able to replicate (thankfully) ever again.

With all of that said, consider that if you allow your emotions to drive your divorce strategy that you are likely going to encounter mistakes in your thinking and planning. For example, if you are particular attached to your home you need to consider if that attachment is born out of necessity and reason or out of an emotional attachment to the memories made and years spent in the home. Now, of course it is likely a combination of the two but you need to determine what factor is driving you more towards wanting to remain in the house.

What I will typically tell clients is that if you are pushing hard to remain in the house for your child’s sake, it is my experience that children are more resilient than we give them credit for. If you decide to move from your home this can be a great start to a new beginning for you and your family. As long as you and your children stick together and not lose sight of what is important- namely your family and your traditions- a new house will not affect you and your family all that much.

Do not make decisions based on emotion or memory in your divorce. It is dangerous for your to do so. If you are not financially able to remain in your home then you need to consider selling it. Consider property taxes, utilities and a mortgage payment as the costs that you will need to bear in order to remain in the family home. Many times you will be asked to refinance the loan so that your spouse’s name is removed from any responsibility with the lender. There are up front costs associated with doing so and you need to be prepared to bear those up front costs.

Interested in learning more tips on divorce? Stay tuned to tomorrow’s blog post

Divorce Lawyer Houston: We will continue our discussion about less well known, yet vitally important parts of your divorce in tomorrow’s blog post. Thank you for your time and consideration in reading with us today.

If you have questions about the content about anything that we discussed today or want to learn more about our office please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC today. We offer free of charge consultations six days a week with one of our licensed family law attorneys. We take a great deal of pride in meeting with people in our community just like you in order to discuss family law issues. Your questions and concerns can be addressed and answered in comfortable, pressure free environment ... Continue Reading

[icedanceupstarts]

2018 NHK Trophy Recap

When the mods are so shook they have to completely change their recap format.

The performances from this weekend(Hawayek/Baker's free dance is blocked for some, an alternate link is provided below)

We had our standard template for the recap all ready to go, but after the events of this weekend, specifically the free dance, we have been forced to abandon it, because we need to talk.

So, accordingly, we've decided to recap chronologically instead of by placement just so you can really get the proper picture of how we felt watching NHK this weekend, and some analysis of scoring at the end.

Rhythm Dance

We were young and foolish then, still thinking we understood anything at all. Komatsubara/Koleto had a solid debut here. They've performed with more energy, but it was a very respectable outing for the hometown team.

Fear/Gibson skated next, but unfortunately she had an error on their twizzles and they lost focus for the rest of the dance. We remarked in private that it was a very good score for them considering. Oh how little we knew then. How. Little. We. Knew.

Skoptcova/Aleshin were much improved just from two weeks ago in Skate Canada. We've always felt that ending a program on the pattern tends to be a little weak and lacking in wow factor, but it's a power move that we can respect. And much better than almost none key points this time around because what are expectations.

Nazarova/Nikitin still looked somewhat unrestrained, but its been a steady uphill climb, and we hope we see them skate at full capacity at some point this season. We chuckled gently at the hands on his collar, not yet feeling the cold, uncaring grasp of the universe around our own throats.

Soucisse/Firus’ rhythm dance still doesn't quite suit them, and indeed may never, but they throw themselves into the challenge so wholeheartedly that we couldn't help but start to really like it. We felt a little off balance by our slow face/heel turn, which is cute, because at least that was still an outcome the human mind could conceive of.

Zagorski/Guerreiro quite frankly brought the house down in one of the best rhythm dance performances of the entire season, much less the competition. They were heads and shoulders above every other team in that segment-- we even thought the gap could be even bigger, they were that good. Their tango has a snap to it that few other teams have managed. They have always been excellent pattern dancers, and the tango in particular really suits them and their sense of drama and flair.

Parsons felt a little soft and loose after Z/G, but they're such smooth, great skaters, and they delivered a nice tango feel here. You could still tell that they’re only a second year senior team, but they’re fast developing a maturity and confident projection that will really help them in Nationals in January.

Wang/Liu's pirate tango is always fun, solid skate from a solid team, but a rather deserved placement in this field, skating skills are skating skills, and while they didn’t have the worst levels of the day, their execution wasn’t smooth enough to put them more a couple tenths ahead of Soucisse/Firus.

Hawayek/Baker made their season debut here, and they have a nicely packaged tango, although the newness of the program was evident. They had a trip in the pattern, reducing the second half to a Basic level, but high GOEs and PCS kept them in second despite only managing to hit one keypoint and earning the lowest base value of any team. Their high GOEs and PCS are deserved-- they have a maturity and presence that most other teams in this field lack, even with some first outing jitters.

Free Dance

At this point, things still make sense and life is breezy!

Komatsubara/Koleto kicked us off with Love Story, music we've never really cared for and a stupid tagline to boot. Still, they skated it wonderfully, and we especially liked the lighter middle section. It's a simpler program, due to them being a relatively inexperienced team, but shows great promise. They’re really feeling and expressing the music now, really sensitive to it in a way that bodes well for their future development. We can’t wait to see how they continue to grow throughout this season and looking ahead.

(Seriously, though, “love means never having to say you're sorry”? That's some BS. Please apologize to your loved ones when necessary. Maybe even more than people you don’t love.)

Nazarova/Nikitin unfortunately had some stumbles losing levels on their one foot step sequence as well as on their combination spin. Their unique lifts were a highlight as usual, especially a curve and choreographic lift that we may never understand the physics behind. They continue to ease into this program as well even if they are still running into slip ups with their tech and presentation.

Skoptcova/Aleshin's lifts made us gasp, and not in the good way, but they got through them this time. They seem to really love this program, and commitment and enthusiasm will sell us on nearly anything. They seem to be going for a cool, young rebels vibe, and we appreciate the challenge in the choreography, even if we would prefer to have fewer heart attacks while they skate.

And then it was time for Fear/Gibson to take the ice, and our sanity with it. At first we were simply enjoying ourselves, still unaware of the fact that we were mere moments away from losing our grip on reality. Up till this point we had done wonderfully in guessing scores, although we began to eye that rising TES score with growing trepidation and vague alarm.

Then the score came up and reader? We began to break down.

This was a fantastic performance of a great program, and we're deeply pleased for them that they're having such a breakout season. But 113? With a deduction? Just… what? We have, in the past, disagreed with scores, but rarely have we been so deeply baffled, and for a team we like. We immediately wanted to see the protocols, an instinct that, as it usually does, proved to be revealing, but more on that later.

Unfortunately for everyone in group 2, we were in the full throes of a mental and emotional breakdown, necessitating a rewatch after our heads stopped spinning. We're still warming up to Soucisse/Firus, who set a season's best here, but we could barely keep our eyes focused, still trying to understand what had just happened to all of us. We were alert enough to note that they nearly tipped over in their choreographic lift at the end, which turned out to be more costly than we initially realized, but more on that later. They’re getting much sharper in their movements and building on their intensity. Whether they improve enough by Nationals to get that third spot is unclear, but we wish them the best.

Wang/Liu were a touch cautious on some elements, but their unbridled enthusiasm for skating shone through. Their BV here was identical to Soucisse/Firus, but they lost on PCS and GOE, which as we will detail at the end is crucial this season. It’s fair enough, they don’t have the same fluidity or depth of edge as the Canadians, and they didn’t nail the execution enough to make up for it like Fear/Gibson did, even though we did not yet understand that score.

The Parsons have had better skates, they seemed slightly out of sync and uncoordinated in this, giving the impression that it was less a tribute to the powerful beauty of familial bonds and more like a tribute to cabin fever at the end of a family vacation. But their flow over the ice was always extraordinary and their emotion palpable. It was also deemed to be four points less than Fear/Gibson's free dance, an announcement that caused reality to dissolve around us.

Zagorski/Guerreiro were so dominant in the rhythm dance but gave it away in the free. They were off throughout the dance, and he stumbled on the twizzles. They held onto their levels, but the loss of GOE really cost them, dropping them to fourth in the free dance by the end of the night. This is still a great program for them, and if they can get a handle on the difficulty, they could really challenge at Nationals.

Hawayek/Baker's free dance(linked here for those of whom the video is blocked on YouTube)

The door was open for Hawayek/Baker to step through and they really did. Some places in their program felt a little undeveloped, but for a first outing with such high stakes, they did very well. Although the mods have to take this moment to note that In This Shirt and To Build A Home are very similar experiences musically, and indeed kind of blend together very naturally into a mashup of angsty, hopeful longing. They won overall, barely beating Fear/Gibson in the free dance, although they would not have had the British not received that lift deduction, a fact which reduced your trusty mods to senseless gibbering.

After a good night's sleep, we returned to the event, protocols in hand, to try to make sense of everything. And after some examination, sense indeed emerged. We had noticed already that there seemed to be much bigger fluctuation in the free dance scores than the rhythm dance, but this competition really forced us to take a closer look. GOE really ruled the day here-- under the previous judging system, a team like Hawayek/Baker, who in the rhythm dance brought home a level 2 on their steps, and a level 1 and basic on the pattern, and subsequently the lowest base value of every single team in that segment, would have had a hard time medaling, much less being able to win no matter how lovely their skating was. They were also only seventh in base value in the free dance, which previously would not have allowed them to make a come from behind victory. It's Zagorski/Guerreiro who should really be disappointed-- while they were messy in the free, they mostly saved their levels, and still had the highest base value of the night, but the damage to their GOE was too great. We'd have to crunch the numbers to be absolutely sure, but we're reasonably certain that under last season's system, they would have won comfortably.

Which brings us to the mystery of Fear/Gibson's astronomically high free dance score, which revealed something we didn't previously pay as much attention to as we maybe should have. The reason free dance scores fluctuate so much is yes, due to more elements that can garner high or low GOE depending on the performance of the day, but more pressingly, three choreographic elements that can bring in surprisingly huge scores. Their choreographic slide, a fun, crowd pleasing element that has received much praise, earned three +4s and six +5s, earning them 5.01 points for that element. For comparison, the base value of a level 4 lift is 5.30 points. Fear/Gibson's choreographic steps and twizzles both received 4.18(again, for comparison, the base value for a level 3 lift is 4.30 points). Their choreo elements are fun and perfectly enhance the music and mood, but we're uncertain if they're that good so as to essentially count as extra lifts. Earlier we mentioned Soucisse/Firus’ slip on their choreographic lift which was more costly than we initially realized, netting them a measly 1.18 points. Their other choreographic elements, steps and slide, both earned 3.12, which is better but not nearly as much as the British earned. Fear/Gibson earned nearly six points more on choreographic elements alone, contributing to the nearly ten point gap in the free dance.

We've seen a number of conspiracy theories floating around about this, but honestly, we think it's much more likely that the ISU was so focused on keeping the men from winning with three quad splats that they didn't consider the effects on ice dance as thoroughly as they maybe should have, which is not the first time this has happened in the long history of changes to the judging. Just this past summer there was a proposal to raise the minimum age for seniors as high as 18, a rule designed with ladies singles in mind without a single care to how many ice dance teams(or for that matter, pairs teams) would be screwed over to fix a problem that doesn't actually exist in those disciplines. Ice dance has historically been known for “waiting your turn”, not gangly fifteen year olds winning everything on base value and then vanishing like dust in the wind. Older, more mature, established teams really benefit from this change while the scrappy youths trying to claw their way upwards are somewhat stymied.

We say all this as neutrally as possible-- we like several of the changes to ice dance this season, and no matter how much the scores have made us raise our eyebrows this season, we've found the actual placements largely justifiable and fair, even if we made some faces at the gaps between scores. We're certainly not about to go into a fit of histrionics and demand that ice dance be taken out of the Olympics(seriously? Go take a nap or a bath or something and settle down). We think the current ice dance scoring, as mentioned, is largely unintentional and expect to see some hasty revisions to base values and/or factoring next summer. Or maybe to drop a choreographic element.

It's hard to say precisely what this means for this season, given that a number of top teams have been MIA this Grand Prix season, most notably reigning world champions Papadakis/Cizeron. But if there's anything we learned from last quad, it's that by the time the Olympics roll around, the events of this season will feel like a distant fever dream.

[micjohnsonn59-blog]

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July Exercise Schedule. Register for Newsletter & The PW Willpower Be Emailed.

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Window of tolerance...

A client of mine experienced a very traumatic incident a few years ago and still deals with the effects of it today.  She has difficulty in reconciling this event with her life both before and after the trauma.  It just doesn’t fit. The memory of the incident is not like other memories at all. Instead of a regular memory her recollections are fragmented, they feel like they belong to someone else, and are combined with deeply uncomfortable feelings involving flashbacks.  The question of why it is she feels this way has come up and I wanted to write something about it here.  

Biology, the mechanics of the brain, and the quality of our relationships all have a lot to do with this.  Start by thinking of life as an uninterrupted sequence of experiences – from the moment you are born to the moment you die.  From your first breath onward your brain starts the process of ‘communicating’ with the adult that holds you.  You can’t talk, and wouldn’t understand words even if you could, so this starts with your brain communicating your immediate needs (the right-hemisphere takes the lead at this early stage).  You’ll probably cry loudly at this point.  Hopefully someone will hold you close and make some noises that are intended to be soothing and loving.  You have just begun the lifelong process of communicating your needs, feelings and desires to those around you.

What happens in response to your crying matters a lot.  By responding to your cries with soothing noises and tender touches your parent has engaged their own brain (again, their right-hemisphere) and begun a long process that will literally shape your brain, helping it to develop and learn to cope with all sorts of situations.  You begin to learn how to manage how you feel and, eventually, safely experience the full spectrum of emotional experience.  

This early example of mutual regulation between adult and child, where your needs are communicated, understood and then met by an adult, will play a small part in widening your ability to deal with physiological and emotional stress.  Neurons fire and proteins are coded, and your brain develops. Even as a baby you’ll come to understand quickly that certain things you do are likely to elicit certain responses.  That certain emotions you have can be shared, and that certain things are likely to happen around you if you share them.  You’ll learn this from crying at first, and then through playfulness and experimenting.  What parent isn’t familiar with the great repetitious game ‘I’ll-take-off-my-sock-and-throw-it-on-the-floor-for-you-to-pick-up’?   You’ll hopefully learn that parents can be relied upon.  As an infant your brain will start to categorise responses from other humans into a general set of rules (schemas) - these rules will be based on the consistent responses from the people around you, depending on what you do/ what you communicate.  This is the start of the complex scaffolding that’ll allow you to start to make automatic predictions about other people and the world.  You start to predict the future and generalise - but, also, very importantly, you start to see the world through the lens of your predictions (very important if early care is not adequate and your predictions are thus negatively skewed - a blog for another time).  This mental scaffolding gets more complex as you grow, and it will depend in large part on how you are treated, at least at first, by your family (badly, or well).  That’s for the future though, because at first babies are just concerned with the person holding them.

With consistent sensitive care over time, the autonomic nervous system of the child develops.  This is the facility that controls the level of physiological arousal the child has when he experiences new situations and is closely linked with emotional states.  Daniel Siegel (The Developing Mind; 1999) describes a “window of tolerance”, a kind of goldilocks-zone in which there can be arousal of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system but without severe emotional stress.  The sympathetic nervous system manages bodily functions (heart rate, respiration, perspiration etc) and the parasympathetic system is responsible for calming you down – for de-arousal.  The two systems usually work well together, and we give them a good road test every time there is, say, an England penalty shootout, or jump-scares when watching a film at the Cinema, or when something more seriously shocking and frightening happens.

Parents play a vital role in helping children expand their window of tolerance.  By introducing a child to new experiences that are towards the edge of this window of tolerance, and by making sure they are socialised properly, children will gradually expand the capacity of their nervous system to handle arousal.  This helps them become resilient - they become strong even if they are not entirely safe.  Good news for parents who are very concerned about keeping their children safe at all times - by letting children take some risks we help them to cope much better with handling strong emotions throughout their lives.   Children will do this all by themselves anyway with games that seem reckless to an adult eye.  Last week I watched an Instagram video of my 10-year-old nephew in a New York park, clambering in ‘monkey bar’ style about 15 feet up from the ground.  He was using a section of a climbing frame that was obviously not designed for the purpose at all.  It was impressive, but I would probably have yelled at him to stop if I’d been there.  My brother is made of sterner stuff, being well used to his son taking risks, and he didn’t bat an eyelid.  The designer of the climbing frame just hadn’t factored in either my nephews excellent ninja skills, or the reality that children will always look at what equipment is available then immediately start to work out how to take further risks.  In fact, the maximum risk possible thank you very much!  If you walk by any park you can always find children doing something dangerous while a parent hollers at them to stop.  It’s not easy being responsible for kids behaving like that.  I remember looking after big groups at my sons birthday parties and there would always be one or two who would not stop, whatever the game, until they were pushing the limits of dangerous behaviour.  If someone climbed 10ft up a tree, these kids would climb 20ft and hang onto a branch by a finger.  It’s part of how children grow and begin to individuate, developing a richer experience of themselves and the world, but it’s not easy being in charge of a pack.  So expanding the window of tolerance is a good thing, and in childhood we seem to be biologically compelled to do that too.

Sometimes things can go wrong and our window of tolerance can be exceeded dangerously.  In the most extreme examples (e.g a serious accident), if the trigger is severe enough the memory schemas on which we’ve learned to predict the world around us are temporarily blown away and cannot cope.  When this happens the prefrontal cortex goes offline with all power diverted to the subcortical regions of the brain (limbic system, brain stem).  This is the way the brain responds to situations when urgent action is needed.  The parts of the brain responsible for rational thought and autobiographical memory are powered down.  In traumatic situations areas of the brain such as the Hippocampus may become paralyzed altogether. Because of this, the traumatic event that is unfolding is not written to the mind as a normal, ‘regular’ memory.  Instead it imprints directly on the limbic system of the brain, and so memories may be fragmented, incomplete, or context free.   In these cases ‘memories’ can take the form of sensory flashbacks, outbursts of emotion, nightmares.  And so we are left with recollections that feel different and dissociated from ‘the rest of us’, and not fixed in space and time.  This set of thoughts, emotions and impulses can be deeply troubling and can take us over (literally) long after the traumatic event has finished. This is common with PTSD.

Moving inward from the extreme of PTSD, many people experience extreme anxiety and fight/flight/freeze physiological responses in situations that seem ‘normal’ to others. It doesn’t take a serious accident.  Often this a result of our tolerance window being too narrow to begin with.  When this is the case even ‘small’ triggers are enough to drive us to full blown anxiety attacks.  I’ve known people for whom ordering a drink from a cafe would induce a state of frozen terror, or responding to a “hello” from a passerby in the street would be enough to cause physical symptoms of full-blown panic. I’ve known people who struggle to even consider as a ‘thought experiment’ being assertive (say, with an unfair boss at work) without taking themselves out of their tolerance zone.  I’ve met people who’ve stayed in bad situations for far too long, too fearful to take action of any kind to help themselves.  I could go on.  Such people feel trapped, alone, overwhelmed and out of options.  Sometimes this also comes with a sense of shame, leading to compensatory behaviours in other areas of life.  At the mercy of their situation, people may look for ways to achieve a sense of control in at least one area of their life, to quieten their mind, to block out the outside world.  Things such as food, exercise, drugs or self-harm behaviours might then be used to stifle all these difficult emotions and the horrible physiological symptoms of extreme anxiety.  Often a temporary relief is achieved but at the cost of compounding the root cause of the problem.  It’s a vicious cycle.  The medicine starts to cause the illness.   

Because the capability of our nervous system to handle arousal is something that first develops as we mature, we have to consider what conditions in childhood may have been absent or unbalanced in some way.  Scenarios where adults might have failed to provide the conditions necessary for us to grow resilient in our childhood.  Perhaps our caregivers were absent or too erratic in their care.  Perhaps they were harsh and emotionally remote (”buck up!”), or perhaps too overbearing, drowning us in a flood of their own uncontrolled emotion and anxiety at too young an age. Maybe, even more dangerously, both. Whether through traumatic incidents or repeated ‘traumatic experiences in our relationships’ our nervous system can be taken well outside of the comfort zone.  This often leads to panicked states of hyper-arousal (fight, flight) or hypo-arousal (a frozen numbness and even dissociation from the event). 

How likely you are to have experiences outside your tolerance zone depends on many things, but I’ll mention two here.  The first is your own ‘window of tolerance’.  This is particular to you, and will depend on everything that has happened in your life up until now.  As above, were the conditions right in your life for your own tolerance level to widen?  The second is the force of the traumatic experience you encounter.  If your window of tolerance is narrow then many encounters may lead to the kind of hyper-aroused flight/fight response described above.  Equally, it might lead to the type of dissociation and disconnectedness we associate with a ‘freeze’ response. Dissociation is a way of compartmentalising something that is too difficult psychologically or biologically to process and work in the therapy room to integrate these things can take time.  

My client and I are working with her memories and emotions of the traumatic incident, finding words to describe as closely as possible what happened to her (bodily, emotionally, spiritually).  By pulling them into order, and in particular working to reduce the intensity of flashbacks, we’re reducing the automatic fight response that accompanies them.  A part of therapy work with many other clients also involves trying to widen this window of tolerance.  This is sometimes happening explicitly and we might talk about it openly, but more often it happens implicitly as we go about other things, and so I put it in a big box called “what actually happens in therapy while we are busy doing other things”.  

Through talking about emotionally charged experiences we gradually develop our ability to hold uncomfortable feelings in awareness and to begin to share them with others.  Some people have never been able to do this, having had to deactivate the innate drive we are born with to seek attachments with people and share difficult feelings.  The skill has to be learned (or relearned).  In therapy, one aim is to begin to see difficult situations and dangerous emotions as being understandable, shareable, and changeable.  We might then feel less trapped, less prone to the ‘psychic-equivalence’ of equating our negative feelings or negative self-talk as iron-clad ‘facts’ about either the world or ourselves.  We start to have options as to how to react, and this can be encouraged by experiments in between sessions too. A better ability to reflect on our experience allows us to recognise that our internal world is not the same as external reality, and it becomes easier to put some distance between triggering events and our reaction to them.  With this flexibility, triggering situations that once overwhelmed our nervous system can begin to come more under control. 

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