#we irl spent almost three years killing this one guy

[karliahs]

the inherent comedy of playing a d&d campaign set in the same universe as our curse of strahd game, 10 years later but with a totally different party like...in the original game we put soooo much effort into redeeming escher. in our very first session he almost killed us and continued trying to kill us for a very long time. and we aggressively marriage counselled him until he was willing to admit that his relationship with strahd was a nightmare, reunited him with his estranged father, and eventually spent a very powerful resurrection scroll on curing his vampirism so he wouldn't have to follow strahd's orders anymore

and he was still kind of little shit but he turned from an antagonist to this weird lame guy who was literally our weird shitty roommate for a bit. and once he was human again he was a lot squishier so we had to protect him a lot in fights. and just generally over a 2.5 year campaign an enormous amount of collective effort was put into giving this dude his life back

and now, well. these new characters we're playing don't know any of that. they've just met this weird shifty dude who from their perspective is kind of a dick and is getting in the way of a lot of the stuff they need to do.

and I can't stop thinking about how funny it would be if we just...killed him. a prank specifically against Me From A Year Ago, who would be mad as hell about this. idk if it will happen but the comedy potential, it haunts me

[donald4spiderman]

Sweating, And A Lesson On Self-Worth

masterlist

Summary: Spencer finds himself falling for his NAT (new agent training) defensive tactics coach.

Pairing: SR x Fem!Reader *described as petite to give the illusion of assumed vulnerability when IRL she’s a badass— no other specific physical details are mentioned*

Category: Fluff

TW: Mentions of body image, general CM talk, mentions of fighting/grappling/wrestling, small age gap (reader is 28 & reid is 22)

concept inspired by @sierraraeck’s fic “Bad Liar” about Morgan training Spencer. I love wrestling so I wanted to do one about a badass female combat coach/agent.

REBLOG!

-

When Spencer and the rest of the trainees are ushered into the fitness center on their second day at the academy, he almost shits himself. He’s well aware of the physical demands being in the FBI requires, and he’s been dreading the PFT (Physical Fitness Test) since he applied.

There are hundreds of men and women huddled in the middle of the room, anticipating the orientation, and Spencer feels his palms sweat before he’s even started working out. The majority of the trainees are football players, wrestling’s, and weight lifters— he can tell by their muscular build and general atmosphere of strength and confidence.

SSA Jesse Fallon introduces their defensive tactics coach for the next twenty weeks— a petite but athletic woman. She’s dressed in a gray t-shirt and flexible khaki pants— Spencer would be lying if he said she didn’t look gorgeous, even in the bland attire.

“I’m SSA and defensive tactics coach (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” She introduces herself, giving a warm smile to the crowd. “I’ve been an SSA for five years and the head coach of this portion of the academy for two. This is my third official wave of trainees— and believe me— I won’t be going easy on any of you.”

Light laughter disperses through the crowd, and Spencer wears an uneasy look on his face.

“Today, I’ve prepped stations for each of you to cycle through for the next three hours. Agent Rivera is monitoring the weapon defense; Agent Glover is in charge of the takedowns; And I’ll be handling hand-to-hand combat and grappling. You’ll spend an hour at each station, run a mile at the end, and then you’re done for the day. Sound good?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Choruses through the crowd.

SSA (Y/N) clasps her hands together, “Alright, you know your groups. Split up!”

-

Spencer’s assigned to the takedown station first. Agent Glover’s criticisms are primarily nonconstructive, and Spencer struggles with apprehending and cuffing his more robust and much more muscular partner on the floor. He’s never trained this hard for anything in his life, physically, speaking. He’s half-dead within the first hour, and he dreads having to do this two more times.

His next stop is with Agent Rivera, who’s much kinder to Spencer than his prior. Reid is better at disarming his opponent, but his long limbs flail wildly due to his incoordination— he’s trying his best, but he sees the way everyone else giggles at him. It’s a blow to the chest that leaves him defeated more than any gunshot could.

The last hour is spent working at SSA (Y/N) (Y/L/N)’s station. She commands the attention of the entire group so naturally, despite being considered a rookie, she has an intimidating amount of knowledge.

“How many of you are wrestlers or judokas?” About sixty percent of the group raises their hand, and Spencer scans around for who might have the strength to kill him with one blow.

“Good,” She smiles. “This will come naturally to you, then. Now, a head-and-arm throw most likely won’t work in the field— so, sorry, judokas. However, double legs, body locks, and blast-doubles are constantly used to take down an unsub with minimal injury to the agent. Even someone as short as me can use leverage to grapple and control a much taller person.” (Y/N) scans the crowd of trainees for a moment before pointing directly at Spencer.

“You, come here.” She commands, and Spencer waddles nervously up next to her on the mat. “This is...”

He’s confused for a moment before realizing she’s asking for his name. “S-Spencer Reid.”

“Hi, Spencer.” She smiles. “How tall are you?”

“Six foot two.”

“Spencer has the advantage of almost a whole foot of height against me. But, I can use his higher center of gravity to tip him over more easily. We do this a lot in wrestling— being low to the ground and agile is important.”

(Y/N) firmly plants her hands on Spencer’s shoulder, moving him so that he’s turned to the side. “This move is called a modified blast double— it prioritizes attacking the ankles and knees rather than the knees and abdomen.”

She leans in closer to Spencer, “Don’t post your wrist out when you fall.” She whispers in his ear, sending chills down his spine. “Keep your neck tucked too.” Her breath is warm and minty, and Spencer almost forgets that he has 30 other people watching him.

“I’m going to simulate an active attack with Spencer. Doing this move in a wrestling match is much more controlled than against a rogue criminal playing by their own rules. They might have a melee or close-range weapon like a knife or hammer on them, so it’s important to make this move when the best opportunity strikes.”

“Spencer’s going to run at me and attempt to land a punch to my face.” She gives him a nod, and he chambers over to her.

Swiftly crouching lower to the ground, she launches herself towards him, gripping the back of his ankles and pushing her shoulder into his knees, and suddenly he’s flying back onto the mat. She follows through, straddling Spencer’s hips and covering his movements with an arm under his neck.

He’s out of breath as he watches the beautiful SSA leaning above him. His head is slightly sore from the impact, but overall he feels... invigorated.

“You never let your opponent fall onto the ground without covering them. Straddling your opponent allows you to keep them down while having full use of your fists.” She swings her leg off of Spencer, standing up. She reaches a hand out and quickly yanks him up.

“Find someone and drill that move. I’m coming around to help all of you.”

She gives Spencer a firm pat on his back, to which he blushes furiously, pulling his lower lip in between his teeth.

-

Spencer spent the rest of the hour getting slammed onto the mat over and over by various men and women. His entire shirt is soaked, and his breathing is so labored he thinks he’s going to faint. SSA (Y/N) (Y/L/N) might have appeared at ease earlier in the day, but she wasn’t kidding when she promised she would work them to no end. Everyone was at the brink of death when they approached the last lap of their mile— Spencer at risk of passing out more than others.

The relief he feels after completing his tenth lap around the gym is euphoric. Trainees collapse onto the ground with exhaustion all around him.

“Great job today.” SSA (Y/N) compliments happily. “I appreciate all the effort you guys showed today. It better still be here in four months.” And with that, she excuses them, along with the agents monitoring each station.

Spencer’s one of the last agents to trickle out of the gym. His legs feel like jello when he walks, and his lungs burn.

He almost makes it past the threshold of the door before his name is called.

“Dr. Reid.” She beckons him over with a finger. “May I talk to you for a moment.”

Spencer nervously shuffles over. “Yes, SSA (Y/L/N)?”

“I applaud your effort at training today. I can tell you were working hard.” He blushes. “But I’ve been informed that the board is willing to wave all physical training requirements for your acceptance into the FBI.”

“Yeah... I-I uh figured they’d want me for my IQ only.” He jokes nervously, shrugging his shoulders. He knows it’s disrespectful not to look her in the eye, but she intimidates him too much.

She laughs, and it’s a sweet, joyful sound that Spencer can’t get enough of. She’s powerful and radiant— stealing attention from everyone else. “You’re charming, and your reputation precedes you.”

Charming? Since when has little Spencer Reid ever been charming? He smiles awkwardly, looking off to the side to hide his blush.

“You know, the forensics department wants their hands on the trainee with the chemistry doctorate, and the surveillance department wants the kid with eidetic memory, and word has it that you speak more than four languages, so everyone wants their fair share.”

“W-why are you telling me this?” Spencer asks, voice shy and barely above a whisper.

“Because,” she places a tender hand on his shoulder, “You need to carry yourself with more confidence, Spencer. I saw you— surrounded by all those athletes— it made you feel out of place. I get it.”

“How d-do you get it?”

“I was 23 years old when I became an SSA, surrounded by people two decades older than me. I felt like the office secretary— constantly getting pushed around by people I was afraid to upset. But the thing is, Spencer, you need to demand respect from other people. I’m not saying you need to be arrogant or be a bully, but you are one of— if not the most promising agent trainee— and you need to realize your self-worth.”

“I’m smart, I-I know that. But I’m not strong or athletic by any means.” He sighs, gripping the duffle bag slung across his shoulder tightly.

“That’s alright. You’re not going to be Kyle Dake overnight. But you can’t beat yourself up about it.” (Y/N) chuckles lightly.

Spencer thinks for a moment, “T-thank you... for uh saying all those nice things about me.”

“They're true.” She nods.

“I think I’ll continue with the defensive tactics training. I could um use it.” Its partially true, but he’s most inclined to stick around because of the kind and beautiful SSA that’ll be training him.

“Yay! That’s great, Spencer.” She cheers, wrapping him in a hug that’s a little too friendly to be professional. He accepts despite being drenched in sweat.

Her arms are wrapped tightly around Spencer, and she pats him on the back twice before pulling away like a proud mentor would. He can’t decide if (Y/N) would be a better girlfriend or a better teacher. If she would, he’d prefer for her to be both. He’d give her all he had to offer if she’d allow him.

He doesn’t recognize the smile that plays on her lips, and it’s a foreign feeling for the aggressive and focused SSA. She hasn’t felt something like this in a while, especially not for a nerdy trainee named Dr. Spencer Reid.

“Hit the showers.” She teases. “You stink.”

Spencer nods furiously, “Y-yeah, of course. Thank you, again, SSA—“

“Just call me (Y/N).”

“T-thank you, (Y/N).” He smiles, scurrying out of the gym and into the hallway as giddy as ever.

(Y/N) knows she can’t pursue this— at least, not right now. She’ll give it a few years to let him settle in the FBI (his acceptance is inevitable) if she can be patient for that long. All she knows is that eventually, she wants the awkwardly adorable boy to be hers— and she wants to be his.

i’m so proud of this fic but sry i got carried away talking about wrestling i love it sm

[mcyt-transcribed]

transcript of “where I've been”

TW for discussion of cancer and Covid-19

 Here’s the Google Doc link or you can click on the read more.

Techno: Yo, Technoblade here with another upload, oh my God I can’t believe it. We’re back, we’re playing Bedwars, uh, I don’t know why I said that in the present tense because I actually recorded these Bedwars games a few days ago. I have- I’ve played like, almost no Bedwars since the win streak, which was like, I dunno, years ago - so, you know, forgive me if I’m a little rusty. These are literally just the first three games of Bedwars I played, recorded them, and then just threw them in this background footage because, you know, I like live commentaries a lot, but I feel like sometimes, when you have a topic to talk about, having to play a video game simultaneously can sorta- it can sorta detract from the commentary, you know?

But before that: a plushie commercial filmed on my iPhone.

We got the first one - it’s Technoblade. He’s in a flying pose. He’s flying to save some civilians or he’s falling flat on his face. Depends on who you ask. Alright. We got the- We got Technoblade. He’s sitting down. He’s- He’s seated. He’s seated. It’s incredibly exciting. Uh, we got- we got Technoblade but he’s- he’s a giant- he’s a gigantic pillow. It’s Technopillow. This is actually- This is actually really- This is really soft. You’re gonna have to take my word for it.

These plushies go on sale on September 3rd at 3 PM EST at youtooz.com. The last ones sold out in around eight hours, so be prepared. I mean, one of them was like, two minutes but ehhh, it’s not happening again.

So where has Technoblade been? I know I’ve been gone since like, June. I was actually being really productive in July, which I know you guys are gonna- You’re not gonna believe me when I say that because I made no content. But I was! I was, you gotta believe me, okay? I was getting so much work done IRL; I was like, filling out paperwork, making business moves, working on merchandise, buying new equipment to make new videos. ‘Cause I really wanted- I really wanted to increase the rate at which I was making videos, ‘cause I kinda spent- You know, I kinda spent like, all this time becoming a famous YouTube and then instantly like, stopped uploading. Which, I mean, to be fair, I guess that started more in like 2018. So, that’s more just a pattern now.

 But I figured, you know, this whole thing where I go two- you know, one or two months without uploading- I don’t want that to be me, man. I wanna be uploading at least once per week. So I spent a lot of time preparing to do that. And the plan was that I would start doing that in August, but I took a- It didn’t- It’s, uh- It’s not going great, I’m not going to lie to you.

So in the last two days of July I noticed that my right arm was starting to hurt a decent amount and I thought- My best guess was that it was some kind of repetitive stress injury, ‘cause you know I’ve been playing video games since the age of like, five. It’s pretty much nonstop. I was gonna get carpal tunnel at some point but, uh, I took a few days to rest my arm and it really didn’t… really didn’t feel any better after that. And so after a few days of that, I looked at myself in the mirror and I noticed that my right shoulder was starting to swell like crazy and I was like, “Oh my God! I must’ve broken a bone, this is-” I mean, this- It looked- it looked crazy.

So, you know, the next day - August 2nd - I, uh, headed over to the doctor to see what was wrong and uh, they ran a couple of scans and then they came back and they told me that, uh, the reason my arm hurts is because I have cancer.

That really couldn’t have gone worse, I don’t think. I feel a bit silly talking about this with, uh, Minecraft in the background; it feels a bit out of place. But I’m a Minecraft YouTuber - I don’t- I don’t do a face cam. Which is I guess how most people would talk about serious things, with a face cam. I also probably, uh- *chuckles* Also probably a bit weird to plug my merchandise in the- in the same video, like, “Hey, guys, I have a- I have a terrible disease, also buy my plushies, bro.” But uh- *laughs* Listen: I’ve been waiting so many months to sell those plushies, bro. And it keeps getting delayed and now cancer thinks it can stop me. No no no no no. I’m trying to make some bank, bro. I wanna get paid, also they look fantastic, I mean just look at them, they look incredible. Alright?

I mean, I guess it would be ideal to like, split up the announcements, but I’m going back into chemotherapy next week; I don’t got time for this, man. We gotta go!

To be fair, I could make this a lot weirder; I could have like, the thumbnail be a giant red arrow pointing to my tumor with the caption “Might die! Not clickbait!” *laughs* Yeah, just the ultimate- the ultimate YouTuber, bro. We’re clickbaiting the whole process.

So after the scans come in, I get transferred to another hospital which has an oncology award, so it’s a lot more specialized towards what I need. And I’m sorta like sitting there in the bed for a couple of days like, “Hello. Could I please get some healthcare? Could I- Could I just get a- Could I just get a crumb of healthcare? Please! Like, I *stutters* I wanna see people sprinting, you know? I feel like I want to see some urgency, you know? If you guys gotta- *stammers* You know, there’s like, this tumor on my arm - if you guys could just- if you guys could just get rid of it. Just get rid of it right now! Could we just go? If you gotta cut off my arm, cut off my arm, bro - do what you gotta do. I won’t complain, man, I’ve won enough Minecraft tournaments. I’ll just play Minecraft with my feet from here on out, bro. I’ll still be B tier at least, okay? It’s fine. Do what you gotta do.”

But then the doctors are telling me, “Oh, well, we can’t- we can’t do it immediately. We gotta- We gotta find out what it is, we gotta run some tests, do a biopsy.” I’m like, “Okay, do the biopsy.” Like, “Oh, well first we gotta do some scans.” I’m like, “Alright, dude, the scans.” And so it took a couple of days and then they did a biopsy, uh, three days later. And then I was like, “Alright. Let’s go!” And they were like, “Oh, well, the biopsy is gonna take like, a week or more to get back.” And I’m just sitting here like, “Bruh, please. Please, just treat me.”

I mean, it makes sense. It makes a lot of sense and I’m sure they know what they’re doing, but I’m just sitting there in the hospital like, “Please. Please, healthcare.” So they get the biopsy and they send me home and they’re saying like, I’ll come back in like a week or so when they have a treatment plan prepared, and so I- It was a very fun week at home ‘cause I was sitting there still not getting treated and I was just like, looking at my tumor like, “Alright, Mr. Tumor. You know, you need me to survive so it’s in your best interest to just- to just chill out for a little bit, you know? We don’t wanna go too crazy.”

And faintly- Faintly if you strain your ears, underneath my skin you can hear:

[Dream’s speedrun music plays for a few seconds]

Techno: Yeah, it was a really fun week. But I did finally get started on chemotherapy, which is a wonderful process. Let me explain chemotherapy. So basically uh, you know how society has progressed for thousands of years of technological and medical innovation? So basically, one of the top three ways we have to fight cancer is uh, for you to go to the hospital and then they uh, plug you into a machine and then they inject poison directly into your veins for several days. That’s uh, that’s one of the best ways we’ve got of going about this and the poison- it’s supposed to kill the cancer - it uh, also kills things like, you know, blood. But ehhh, does anybody really need blood? I feel like it’s pretty optional, you know? Uh- *small laugh* Blood for the Blood God as it were, alright? Uh, I’ll take what I can get.

I, uh, you know, I used to have a channel meme- ‘cause back in the day- you know how my motivation always goes up and down in, like, cycles? I used to have a meme where whenever I’d get super motivated I’d, ya know, I’d start uploading, like crazy. I’d also do things like get a haircut. And, so, I joked that, uh, the less hair I had, the more I’d upload. ‘Cause that’s- the hair was holding me back. And so, if that’s still true, I gotta say, chemotherapy, that’s gotta be daily uploads or something, bro. *laughs* It’s gonna be- Chemotherapy Arc is gonna be fantastic for content.

Well, ya know, after I got diagnosed, I, uh, I’ve been making a lot of phone calls- ya know, informing all of my distant family members about the situation- and, I gotta say, of all the phone calls I’ve made, nobody took the news worse than my health insurance provider. They’ve been inconsolable for weeks. They were like, “You got what!? No!” 

I mean, I had no idea they cared so much. They’ve just- oh my God. I- I think they’re the real victims of this. I mean, could you imagine? Could you imagine? Like, look at me! I was a healthy twenty-two year old, I, like, barely went to the doctor, even for, like, regular appointments. I- I guess I went to the dentist, that’s the one thing I did. I was the freest paycheck they’ve ever seen in their lives. They could’ve been milking money off of me for decades. And then, bam, cancer, bro. *laughs* Oh, those poor guys. 

Uh, the one- the one favor I- I do wanna ask- If you guys could all do one small favor for Technoblade- uh, you know that coronavirus thing you been hearing in the news for the last couple of years? Uh, I want you guys to get rid of it. Just, uh, I want it gone. Just a couple days should be sufficient for you guys to do that.

No, but, seriously. I’m kind of, uh, immunocompromised right now, which means, uh, if a bacteria touches me or, like, a virus touches me, I will explode. So, yeah, uh, I wanna- get the vaccine, is what I’m saying.

I’m gonna get cancelled by the anti-vaxxers for saying it, but it’s such a good vaccine, bro. Pfizer got full FDA approval, this week, for people aged sixteen and up. I think you- you can also get it if you’re eleven to fifteen if you’ve got emergency approval or whatever. Uh, I mean, if you have any concerns, don’t listen to a Minecraft YouTuber, but, please, at least talk to a doctor. Because it’s- it’s so good bro. It’s so good.

The hospitals are currently getting flooded by unvaccinated people. I’m gonna go ahead and speak on behalf of all cancer patients when I say that it is incredibly annoying when the- when the hospitals are getting overworked by people dying of preventable diseases. I’m just saying- we got dibs on those hospital beds. So, ya know, you- you probably don’t- you don’t even want them really. You don’t even want to need them. So, I think the vaccine… what is it? It, like, reduces the chances of you needing hospitalization from Covid by, like, ninety-six percent? I mean, it’s so effective, bro! Come on! I mean, you might still get, like… I mean, you could still catch coronavirus, but, like, the symptoms are gonna be so much milder, bro, I’m just saying. Think about it. Think about it. Talk to a doctor.

I remember when I first went in for chemotherapy, A: I was thrilled, ‘cause, like, yo! Healthcare! Inject it into my veins, bro! Let’s go! But, also, like, the first couple of days were actually pretty chill. I was like, ‘Dang! This is easy, bro!’. And then it kicked in. And then it kicked in. My energy levels were zero; they were absolutely nothing. It’s hard to describe how tired I was, but I think my one example is- so they let me go back home. And after several days of resting, I had a virtual appointment with a doctor. And, so, they were, like, ‘Alright’. And I was just sitting there, like, ‘Wait a second. You guys want me to sit upright in a chair for an hour? What is this, the Olympics, bro? I’m going back to bed! What? What?’ *laughs* ‘Wha? Let’s calm down here. Sitting in a chair? Am I Superman? Like, come one, bro.’

As you can probably tell, I’m feeling a lot better right now. Which is, uh, I think that’s part of the process, is, uh, you get a little bit of recovery time to, uh, ya know, eat a lot of really good food- get the weight back- and get ready for the next round.

And, uh, before we go back for the next round, I’m gonna be playing a lot of video games, uh, making some content, seeing if I can get some more videos prepared, because, uh- I know people are gonna be like, ‘No! Technoblade! You don’t need to make videos for us! Please rest!’

Nah, this isn’t about you, bro. This is about me. I enjoy this, man. This is, like, one of the safest and most fun things I could be doing right now, bro, I’m gonna do it. I don’t know how much content I could make, ‘cause I’m kinda slow, but we’ll see. We’ll see.

I already have a video prepared for next week, uh, September third. You guys are gonna love it. It’s, uh, it was actually- it’s kind of, kind of an old video. It was, uh, from a few months ago, but it’s very good. So, yeah! You guys have that to look forward to. 

And, for the record, I know I’ve been complaining a lot in this video, but I just wanna clarify that the doctors I have are, like, insanely good, bro. I’m gonna be getting some of the finest healthcare in the world, so don’t worry about me too much.

I think the treatment has already started to show some results. I- I mean, it’s been so short of a time, so the results aren’t gonna be insane or anything, but, at the very least, the speedrun music has stopped playing. 

So, yeah, that’s where I’ve been and that’s what I’m gonna be doing for the foreseeable future. Wish me luck, and, uh, wear a mask, I guess. Ya know, standard coronavirus procedures. All that coronavirus stuff and like, getting vaccinated - that goes double for Californians, okay? But it helps everywhere.

Uh, that’s all I’ve got for today. See you guys next time!

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3k

Warnings: swearing, angst, implied smut

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 10 Part 12

Part 11

The next few days were monotonous. Most mornings, I would go to the gym. Then I'd head off to work. After work, I'd take Perrin for a walk. We stopped at the dog park a few times to throw the ball. Then I'd go home and read or watch tv. After dinner, I would FaceTime Liam before falling asleep.

Although I missed him terribly, it had been good to have some space. I was able to think about us a bit. Liam was always great on the phone, a gentleman even. Yes, he flirted with me and made inappropriate comments, but they were always in context. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flirt with him back. But it was nice to get to know him better, and I decided I definitely liked him as a person and a lover. He was sweet, sincere, funny and warm, the same as he was when he was Will. He seemed to accept who I was. There were no digs at me, maybe some friendly ribbing, but it seemed he liked me too. We spent a lot of time laughing. We had a similar sense of humour.

He opened up about some of his past relationships, how he felt about them and what went wrong. A lot of the times, he admitted to fault, especially in the early ones. I talked a bit about Andy but kept a lot back. No doubt, he noticed.

Thursday afternoon changed everything.

Liam called me when I was driving home from work at about four-thirty. It broke with our routine. We usually spoke around nine o'clock. I answered the phone, and Liam's voice came through the speakers.

"Hello, Sweetheart. How was your day?"

I smiled at this now familiar greeting. "Really good, Liam. How was yours? Have you finished work already?"

"Yeah, good. I'm supposed to stay for another hour, but I wasn't needed, so I left." Liam paused and said, "Listen, Lana, I have to tell you something."

"Oh, no."

"Yesterday, a parent from your school saw the pictures of us." I went cold. I was 10 minutes from my house, but I pulled over. "She left a message on one of the pictures that you look like a teacher from her kid's school." Oh shit. "Anyway, this morning, you were on duty at the "kiss and drop", whatever that is."

Robotically I said, "it's where the parents drop the kids off at school without getting out of the car." I could see where this is as going.

"Right." He sounded strange but continued. "Well, they took a picture of you, put that side by side with the others. Long story short, Sarah was called to confirm your name."

"Oh, for fucks sake." I was pissed off. "What did she tell them?"

"She said she couldn't confirm or deny."

"In other words, yes, but my boss said, don't say anything."

"That's a bit unfair, Lana. She can't lie to them, or they won't bother calling her when they get a story. They will just run it because they can't trust what she says."

"Fuck this," I said and hung up on Liam.

I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and spun the tires. I had a Toyota Camry SX. It's sort of sporty, but it's not meant to be driven like that, but I was fuming. Liam rang again, but I ignored it. I backed off and slightly and rounded a corner, tires chirping as I went. I fumbled in my bag, driving one-handed until I found and lit a cigarette. As stupid as it was, I drove the rest of the way home like that.

When I got home, I quickly changed into my Draggin jeans, leather jacket and riding boots. I grabbed my helmet, gloves and went for a ride.

I loved being on the bike. Andy was the first guy I'd been with who rode. I remembered the first time he got me on the bike. He hadn't even let the clutch out, and I screamed and jumped off. The second time was better, and I went around the block before I got off. The third time, I was hooked. I loved holding onto his waist as we rode, my chest pressed against his back, my thighs touching his, my hands under his t-shirt. I loved the heavy thrumming of the bike, the wind whistling past. It was exciting, erotic, but also calming. Calming is what I needed.

I was so angry. Not at Liam or Sarah. Or even the bitch who outed me or the others who put my photo out there in the first place. I didn't know who I was angry with. Hollywood? Gossip? Social media? Myself? Maybe I was mad at myself. I deserved it. I'd turned my back on Andy, fucked another guy, and now I'm in a relationship with him, according to public record. Every time someone googles my name, his will come up.

The parents at school will give me looks, and I won't know what they are thinking. Will they be laughing at me? And if it didn't work out, everyone would know. I would have to go through a break up while everyone watched, picked at it, chose sides and commented.

I rode for about an hour up through the Blue Mountains. When I stopped for petrol at Wentworth Falls, my thoughts had settled, and I was thinking clearer. I stopped at a cafe, got a coffee and checked my phone. Liam had called twice more and sent a few messages. Riza had called and texted me.

I checked Riza's first. It was a link to an article, Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover. Her text simply said, "Jen just found this. Call me if you need me." I didn't click the link.

I checked Liam's. He said he wants to make sure I'm ok. Then he said he wants to come over and talk to me.

I called Liam. He seemed to answer before it even rang. "Sweetheart. Are you ok?" He sounded a bit frantic.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I knew you'd be upset."

"Upset is one thing. I snapped at you and blamed Sarah. You're right. It's not her fault."

"Lana, don't worry about that. Did you read the article?"

"No."

Liam was quiet a while. Then he said, "Are you ok now?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I just needed some time to calm down." I let out a short laugh. "I am a redhead after all. I have a temper."

Liam laughed, "Do I have to be worried about being stabbed in my sleep?"

"Nah, being a redhead wouldn't make me do that. I get that part of me from being a Scorpio."

"I don't know whether to be scared or turned on right now."

I smirked, "Why not be both?"

Liam laughed and then got serious. "You sure you're ok? Do you want me to come over? I almost did get in my car when you wouldn't answer."

"Stalker," I teased.

"And that's why I didn't."

"I'm not at home anyway."

"Where are you?"

"I took off on the bike to clear my head. I'm in the mountains right now."

"The mountains?"

"Yeah, the Blue Mountains. Look west tomorrow, and you'll see them."

"I'll do that." Liam paused. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you too. Bye, Liam."

"Bye, Sweetheart."

I finished my coffee and rode home.

I texted Riza to let her know I was ok. I played with Perrin. I texted my brother to remind him to pick Perrin up tomorrow afternoon. I ate some dinner before packing my bag for tomorrow and went to bed. It was a long time before I finally fell into a restless sleep.

Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover

"Pictures of Liam Cross, 38, with an unknown female were circulating on social media earlier this week, and tongues were set wagging.

"Users were quick to put their detective hats on and tracked down Cross's new flame late yesterday. The woman was identified as Mrs Alana Walker, 30, Sydneysider, and special education teacher. Not much else is known about Mrs Walker other than she was widowed in 2017.  Her husband, Andrew Walker, and father Brian Kelly were killed in a horrific Boxing Day crash when his car was destroyed by a truck driver who had a medical incident behind the wheel.

"Sources close to Cross say that he has been elated the past couple of months, and now they know why. They hope for his sake that this relationship will not be plagued by scandal like his previous relationships.

"For now, Cross's camp is remaining tight-lipped on the situation. While they don't deny a relationship, they will not confirm it.

"Cross is currently in Sydney for an adaptation of the widely popular and romantic fantasy epic Beyond the Stones series by C. W. Taylor. He will co-star alongside Australian Myra Roberts with an expected release in the northern hemisphere winter of 2022."

I woke on Friday morning and laid in bed for a while. I should have gone to the gym, but I just couldn't get my body to move. I wanted to chuck a sickie, blow off the whole day, maybe go for a swim, or just watch movies all day. I had an urge to watch Kill Bill for some reason. But I couldn't do that to the kids.

I knew I was just trying to avoid the parents at school. I'm sure most of them know by now. Gossip runs rampant at the school gate. We've all seen Big Little Lies. Probably all the staff knew too. It was one of those days where I wish I could just press fast forward and get to the part where I see Liam again. I didn't want to miss out on that.

In the end, I got up, showered and got ready for work. I tamed my hair, put on my war paint and dressed in black work pants, ballet flats and a pink knitted cardigan.

I started to pack my bag for the weekend, trying to work out what outfits I needed. I had decided what I wanted to wear for dinner tonight, but I didn't know what to wear to bed. Would I even need anything to wear? I blushed at the thought. I packed a basic set of pyjamas. I added jeans and a couple of t-shirts, a hoodie and my Dr Martens. I put some pretty underwear in there too. I didn't have much, just a white lace set which Liam had already seen and two black lace sets. I packed them all.

My phone beeped, and I got a message from Liam. It was a picture of his face all sweaty from working out. He had his tongue sticking out. He had written, I was going to send you a picture of my cock but thought that was a bit vulgar. So I decided to send you a picture of another part of my body that's going to fuck you tonight. Can't wait x.

My whole body grew hot, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I giggled. I started to reply with 'cheeky bastard', but then I had an idea. I sent him a picture of my face with my mouth open in an O shape, and I rested a finger on the corner of my lower lip. I wrote, I was going to send you a picture of my pussy but thought it was a bit obvious. So I sent you a picture of another part of my body that's going to get fucked tonight. X

Within a minute, I got a reply of: Game on, Sweetheart.

Well, if Liam wants to play a game, I can play a game.

I pulled my pyjamas out of my bag and put in a satin shift, pretty much my only sexy bedclothes. I thought about what other sexy photos I could take and packed a few other things. Then I made my lunch and headed off to work.

I rang Riza on the way to work. She asked me about how I was feeling. I told her I was dealing with it, but I said no more about it. I asked Riza about how she and Jen were going, and she said we would meet up soon.

"I miss you," she said.

"Yeah, I miss you too. Talk soon, ok?"

"Yeah, have a good weekend slut! Tell Liam I said hi."

"Suck a dick Riz."

We hung up, and almost immediately, Dave calls.

He doesn't say hello or anything, just launches in with, "Are you dating Liam Cross?" Fuck. "One of Lucy's friends just sent her an article about you and him."

No use denying it then. "Yeah, I am. He's the one I'm spending the weekend with." I braced for his reply.

"Fuck me dead. My fucking little sister is rooting Liam fucking Cross." His voice didn't sound angry. He sounded impressed.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not a big deal. Just don't forget to get Perrin and don't tell Mum."

"Not a big deal? The kids will go crazy when they meet him."

"Dave, we are hardly at the point where we are meeting families."

"Yeah, alright, keep your shirt on."

"I'll come by Sunday arvo to pick Perrin up?"

"Wanna stay for dinner?"

"Yeah, ok. See you then."

I ended the call and got to work not long after that. I went straight to my classroom, trying to avoid everyone. There was one person I couldn't avoid, and that was Marla, my teacher's aide. She was in her late 50s, though, so I thought she would be pretty safe. She didn't mention anything all morning, which was a relief.

At lunchtime, I stayed in the classroom. I told Marla I had some work to do, so she left me alone. I checked my phone and found a message from Liam.

It was a picture of Liam drinking from a bottle of pineapple juice, and it said, Me hydrating for tonight x.

His innuendo made me chuckle, but I had planned for something like this. I took a selfie of myself with a banana in my mouth and sent it with the caption: Presumptive much? Me carbo-loading for tonight.

Liam replied a little later with, I can't decide if I'm winning because my pics are better or if I'm still winning because yours are better.

Marla came back into the classroom about halfway through lunch. She pottered around the room, trying to look busy. She kept looking over at me. I felt myself start to panic. She wasn't acting like that this morning. She must know now. They all must know. I started wondering what everyone was saying about me in the staff room. They had probably sent Marla back to the classroom to see what information they could get out of me. The panic receded, and anger filled the void.

Eventually, I lost my temper. "Have you got something to say, Marla?"

Marla had the good grace to look ashamed. "No. Nothing."

I crossed my arms. "What are they saying?"

Marla sighed, "honestly? They're mostly pretty stoked about it. Happy for you."

I let my arms fall. My vision went a bit blurry. "Really?"

Marla came over and leaned against the table, and rubbed my back. "Oh, Darl, yeah, most of us remember what it was like for you. We just want you to be happy."

I smiled at her, but the tears still came. Marla gave me a tissue. "Thanks, Marla." I sniffed, "ugh, the parents, though. I'm not looking forward to that."

Marla smiled and said, "don't worry about it, Darl. I'll fill in for ya this arvo, and you can do my Wednesday lunch duty. How's that?" I thanked her. Relieved, I hugged her and cleaned myself up.

When school had finished, I made a mad dash to the car park. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I'd have to show my face in front of the parents sooner or later, but I decided it was Monday's problem.

I checked my phone before I headed off to Liam's place. He had sent me a shirtless picture of himself with some rope curled up around his shoulder and written, One of my costumes has a rope. It made me think of you. I'm about to leave. See you soon.

Dammit, I couldn't think of a response to that one! I sat and thought about it for ages. I was not about to give in easily. Then it came to me. I got my water bottle and one of my spare undies from my overnight bag. I wet them a bit, put the underwear and water bottle on the bag and took a picture of them both. I wrote. My water bottle leaked in my bag, and my panties got wet. It made me think of you. I'm on my way.

The three circles came up within seconds, and Liam sent, You are in so much trouble, Sweetheart. Park around the back.

And because I can't control my tongue in real life or texts, I wrote back, That's what she said.

I didn't wait for a reply. I just put an audiobook on and drove.

Part 12

[dawnwave16]

Gamer Girl

Yes another SAO/MLB crossover.  I love SAO so I can’t help it!  I was going through my grammerly works and saw the start of this and realised I had never completed it despite starting it in Dec so here you go!

Part 1; part 2; part 3; part 4

AO3

Story:

You would think that Lila Rossi’s lies would be exposed quickly once they had been posted onto the Ladyblog. In fact, you would think that they would be exposed almost as soon as they were spoken with someone so smart in the class. Either way, you would be wrong. It had been six months since the Liar had joined the class and the lies she had told still hadn’t been exposed. Marinette had tried at first but she had soon stopped when it became clear to her that as long as Lila had a story to tell, her class would listen.

As a result of this Marinette had stopped trying to protect her class from Lila’s lies. She had taken to simply ignoring her. She had started to ignore her class too. She didn’t make them the huge birthday cakes or mountain of cupcakes anymore. She didn’t bring in cookies for the whole class once a week and she stopped making personal gifts for everyone. If they wanted anything they had to ask for it but that would require that they remembered that she existed first. It was at the stage where if she didn’t remind her class that she was there, they simply forgot her. She honestly didn’t mind though as it had freed up quite a bit of time for her. Her design business had taken off in Japan as she had several friends there. If she wasn’t ladybug she would have considered moving there as she was much happier there then she was here in Paris. It was due to this that when Marinette had any downtime she had taken to gaming again. Not just any gaming but playing VRMMORPG’s. She had been a little wary of them after being caught in SAO several years prior but when Yui had contacted her after Kirito had logged in to ALO to try to save Asuna, she had willingly gone back into a full dive in order to help him and continued to do so as she went on frequent raids with his group. She had met Kirito when he had wandered into her clothing shop looking for a way to either upgrade or replace his black coat on one of the days that she had been running it rather than leaving it to an NPC. The two had partied together at her suggestion to get the correct mats and had become fast friends with him coming to her whenever he wanted his wardrobe upgraded. Unfortunately, she had reduced the amount of time she had spent gaming due to her class relying on her for so much but now that they weren’t, she had picked up where she had left off. Her stats had skyrocketed with her return to gaming and she had realised that her crush had made her act a little like Klien did whenever he saw a pretty girl. As soon as she realised this she had taken a hard look at herself and decided that while Adrien was handsome, he wasn’t worth making a fool of herself over. The fact that the girls in her class weren’t pushing her at him anymore helped with getting her to calm down too and now she was able to speak to him without looking like an idiot. The past week had been quiet. She’d seen her classmates all talking about something but Marinette hadn’t even asked what it was. She had a raid planned with Kirito and the others that she was looking forward too. Unfortunately, Asuna hadn’t woken from SAO. The blow she had taken from Kiyaba when protecting Kirito had killed her and not even the fact that the game had finished extremely soon after that had saved her like it had saved Kirito. The Asuna that had been pictured at the top of the world tree in ALO that had driven Kirito and herself back into gaming so soon after SAO had been cleared had been an AI that had been created by a mad man. Her family had been unwilling to believe that she was dead when everyone else had started to wake up, choosing instead to believe that she was one of the three hundred that were still trapped somehow. It had been a terrible blow to them when they had realised that this was not the case. The planned raid was one planned in her honour as this Saturday marked the anniversary of her death. Marinette still couldn't believe that three years had passed since she had been declared dead, nor could she believe all the VR events that had happened since then. Marinette had found it ironic that, now that she was no longer focused on Adrien, she had been able to see that she had had a crush on Kirito the whole time. When she had realised this the two of them had sat down and had a long conversation about their hopes and dreams. She had told him about her interest in fashion while in SAO and had kept him up to date with how her brand was doing IRL. In turn, he had told her about how his studies were progressing and how frustrated he was becoming by trying to read all the articles coming out of America about the advancements within his chosen field of study. His face when she had suggested that he have Yui run a translation program over them so that he could read them more easily had been fairly comical, even though she had reminded him that it would be in his best interest to learn English properly anyway. Marinette was drawn out of her musings when Mlle Bustier finally managed to get the class's attention. “Class I know this is may come as a surprise to you but due to the fact that Lila has to go to Achu and we won't be able to celebrate her birthday with her on the actual day, we will be hosting a party for her this Saturday.” The class immediately jumped into planning mode. “I'll do the music!” Nino called. “Ooh, Jeluka and I can organise the decorations!” Rose pipped up “Oh please! I'm going to London with Mummy and Daddy and I'm taking Sabrina with me. You losers can count me out.” Chloe sniffed while Sabrina nodded quickly, even though she didn't look too happy about it. “We could have the party at the park,” Mylene suggested which had Kim, Max, Alix and Ivan nodding eagerly in agreement. “I can't guys, my father has me scheduled for an all-day photo shoot,” Adrien said while he rubbed the back of his neck and appeared regretful. Marinette doubted it but she didn't say anything. “Awe, that's too bad, maybe we can facetime you in one or two of your breaks? I can organise that easily!” Alya tried to comfort him by saying. Marinette shared a look with Nathaniel who shook his head showing that he didn't but this story any more than she did. “What about you, Marinette?” Mlle Bustier said in a sickly sweet tone as though she expected Marinette would agree no matter what her real plans were. The class looked at her expecting her to say she would organise the food because none of the others had offered to do so. “I have plans for Saturday,” Marinette stated calmly. Mlle Bustiers eyes turned cold even as the class started to protest and say she had to organise the food. “Now Marinette, don't you think it would be nice to organise the food for the party?” Mlle Bustier's voice was saccharine sweet as she tried to convince Marinette that she should just comply. “If you want the bakery to do the catering you need to place an order and pay for it like everyone else. I have babysitting for Madam Chamack in the morning while she does her grocery shopping and has a few other appointments. I also have plans for the afternoon but those are personal and something I have been helping to plan for a while now. I can't back out of them now.” Marinette rebutted firmly. She was going on the raid in Asuna's memory no matter what. As she spoke the expectant gazes of her class had turned to glares. “Look, you guys haven't wanted me around for over six months. I have resigned as class president, giving that title to Alya.” Just as Marinette was about to explain more, Kagami walked in wearing a yukata. It took a moment for the class to notice her but Marinette noticed something that the class hadn't noticed and quickly walked towards her. “Do you need some help with retying your yukata?” She asked quietly, not realising that she had slipped into Japanese as she spoke. “Please,” Kagami's voice was filled with relief even as she let Marinette adjust and retie the garment. “How do you know how to do this, let alone speak Japanese so well?” Kagami asked as Marinette worked. Neither girl noticed the class staring at the two of them in shock. When everything was tied properly Marinette stepped back. “I have my own set of yukatas from some of my closest friends in Japan. When you spend as much time with people as I did in the game, you try to find other things to keep you occupied other than grinding for levels. Asuna, Lisbeth and Silica all got together to teach me how to tie mine without relying on in-game mechanics. They also worked on my accent which is why I barely have one when I switch to Japanese, or so I have been told.” Marinette smiled sadly as she remembered the times they had gotten together to have a girls night at one of their homes. The game mechanics meant that they hadn't been able to do much by way of dress up or spa treatments but because Marinette had the tailoring skill she could manipulate fabrics and they had taught her that way. She shook her head quickly and looked back to Kagami. “Are you comfortable?” Kagami nodded and thanked her and they spoke for a little while longer before Kagami left and Marinette turned to walk back to her seat, only to see the class staring at her. “What?” “Marinette, what was that? What language were you speaking? Since when are you and Kagami friends?” The three questions had been thrown at her by Alya, Mlle Bustier and Adrien. Marinette sighed and shook her head then answered. “In order, that as you so eloquently put it Alya, was me helping Kagami to retie her yukata as it is always easier to do when someone helps you, especially if you want one of the more complicated knots. The language, Mlle Bustier, was Japanese. One of the five languages I speak fluently. The other three are Cantonese, Italian and English. I didn't list French as it should be obvious. And as for your question Adrien, Kagami and I became friends on Friendship day

while playing that game. I stuck to French that day so I'm not sure she knew to come here but it doesn't matter.” Marinette was walking back to her seat as she spoke, taking care watch where she put her feet as the class had taken to trying to trip her every so often. “Why did you need my help when your uncle visited then if you can speak Cantonese?” Adrien said in bafflement. “Simple. Uncle Fu speaks Mandarin not Cantonese so we wouldn't have been able to understand each other. I also thought you might enjoy a day practising a language that you were being taught rather than just reading it.” Marinette replied with a small smile even as she sat down again. The class was still glaring at her but she ignored them and Lila quickly reclaimed their attention with some false tears and a sob story. By the time Saturday came around the class had forgotten all about the incident with Kagami and Marinette's refusal to help out with the food or having anything to do with the party. This left the class scrambling to organise food and drinks in time and unfortunately made everything a lot less enjoyable then they had hoped it would be. Marinette, on the other hand, had had a fabulous time looking after Mamon as Kagami and her mother had come round and between them they had dressed Mamon up in different yukatas and kimonos, teaching Mamon how to speak a few words in Japanese at the same time. Despite her very stern nature, Kagami's mother had seemed pleased to be passing on a small part of her culture to others who were eager to learn. The raid had gone well too and she and Kirito along with the others had shared some of their favourite stories about Asuna once it had been completed. Despite the sombre reason for the gathering, everyone had made the effort to be happy and to celebrate the good times they had had with her and with each other. They had held the get together at Marinette's home, which was above her in-game shop so they hadn't needed to worry about finding a private spot when they were ready to log off. When Marinette had walked into class on Monday, she had expected to be bombarded with stories of how great the party was. Instead, she was met with sullen glares and dead silence. Marinette raised an eyebrow but shrugged and ignored them, turning her attention back to her phone. She had woken up an hour early but instead of getting up straight away she had started messaging Kirito as he had been online. They had finally decided to give dating a try the previous day but they were taking things fairly slowly. Currently, they were talking about if she would be able to visit during the upcoming school holidays and trying to work out the logistics if she got permission to do so. “Marinette.” Mlle Bustier called. “Yes, Mlle Bustier?” “I thought you were going to do the food for Lila's party on Saturday. Where were you?” Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I told you I had plans for Saturday and that I would not be at the party.” “Marinette, remember what I said about -” “Mlle Bustier” Marinette cut her off, “While you might think that babysitting and going to the memorial of a friend is less important than a party for someone who does not like me, I don't. While my friend was declared dead three years ago, Saturday was the first time any of us had the chance to truly get together and remember her. Asuna died trying to give others a chance to live and she deserved to be remembered by those of us who were closest to her.” Marinette's voice was sharp and her tone was ice-cold as she spoke. Mlle Bustier and the rest of Marinette's class stared at her. “Footage was recently released of how she died if you are callous enough to demand proof. Unfortunately, I think you are because if anyone except Lila tells all of you anything you just swallow it but as soon as it's to do with anyone else you insist on having proof.” Marinette could tell that the class was about to start shouting at her but she ignored them and looked at her phone only to freeze. From what she was seeing, Yui had copied herself onto her phone and found all the videos from the past six months, as well as recording the confrontation that had just happened and sent it to the School Board. Marinette had planned to try to get a bit more evidence before she did that but it seemed that Yui had decided enough was enough. She was brought out of her frozen state when she heard Max asking if he had permission to play the video he had found for the class. She was about to warn them that it was fairly violent but Mlle Bustier had already granted her permission and Markov was projecting the video of the final SAO battle against the Skull Reaper on the white screen that Mlle Bustier had pulled down to cover the blackboard. The class watched in horrified amazement at what was being shown and gasped when they saw the younger Marinette on the screen amid the fighters. Marinette could see they were wanting to point out the fact that this was a game, you couldn't die because of a game and that none of the female players had died in that fight when they saw that Marinette's eyes hadn't left the screen and that the video hadn't ended. They gasped in horror as they watched everyone collapse to the floor and screamed when a girl jumped between the two players that were duelling, killing her. The video ended and the class was silent. Marinette spoke then, breaking the silence in a voice that was so brittle and hollow that none of them knew what to think. “What you just watched was the final two fights of SAO. The girl that died was my friend Asuna Yuuki. Before you say it's just a game, get Max to look up the details. It was well documented. I'm going home, don't bother to try to stop me. You just made me watch my friend die AGAIN, I think I've earned my mental health day. I will stay in this class for the rest of the term, then I will be transferring to a different class. I want nothing to do with any of you anymore, Mlle Bustier I hope you are proud of yourself for letting things escalate to this.” Having said her piece, Marinette turned round and walked out of the room. She knew there would probably be Akumas that would be created by what had just happened but at that moment she just wanted to be alone. Or better yet, surrounded by here real friends.

[turkoftheslums]

Let’s start a chain of sweetness.

5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER.

ONE: He is one snarky guy. Being such a reserved and quiet person irl, I don’t often get to snark or be witty in conversations so it’s really nice to do that with Reno.

TWO: As I’ve mentioned in the past, Reno is a three-dimensional character - he acts like a bad guy but has a conscience hiding deep down that he only shows to Rude. He has feelings and emotions he’s stuffed down as deep as he can and it’s interesting to think what could happen if they just bubbled to the surface.

THREE: Reno is a trained combatant. I’ve gotten into writing combat as of recent and getting to write it with him feels like a blessing. I never got to write combat at all with Noctis, not even in fanfics so writing and choreographing fight scenes feels great. It’ll get put to use one day.

FOUR: The amount of stuff he just has tucked away everywhere - and that’s just on his person. He has things folded up neatly and tucked in pretty much all his pockets. “Why does he not have huge bumps sticking out?” I hear you ask. Tetris logic.

FIVE: For all the violence that’s involved with his job, Reno is a secret sweet bean. He hates showing it but he craves even the tiniest sliver of affection and dislikes being alone unless he really, really needs to be alone. Idk can you tell I’ve been grasping at straws from point 2 onwards?

5 PEOPLE ON HERE YOU LOVE, AND WHY.

Why can I only pick 5?? I love so many D:

ONE: Always at the top of my lists is @rude-at-your-service​. He’s my bro and I always love seeing him on my dash. He was the 8th person I followed when I made this blog back in 2015 and I’m super duper glad we’ve reconnected (and he helped keep me sane for part of my train journeys last month). And just for you good sir; jag skulle behöva lite vatten. (Say the thing, I dare you)

TWO: Next up we have Lyri for whomst I shall tag @hautevaux​. Lyri is a gem. Lyri is bae. Vaux is bae. I was really shy to approach at first because her writing is just 😲😲 it’s so good and we’ve really clicked since we first started talking and I love it. Also, I promise I’m not ignoring you when you compliment me, my brain just blue screens and doesn’t know what to do.

THREE: @that-turk-laney​ come back to us, Mia! We miss you! But seriously, I think Mia was one of the first people I followed when I returned back in February and she’s really helped me build Reno up. We really need to get that soft thread going, we really do. Movie night for Reno and Elena, yes please.

FOUR: JAEJAE. I love the good JaeJae over at @cssnei​. He got me really into some stuff coughUpUpDownDowncoughDevilMayDrycough and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Every Wednesday we sit and wait for DaParty to start streaming then type in capitals at each other on Discord while laughing our asses off. I enjoy the fun we have and I hope that doesn’t change when we finally run into each other.

FIVE: Finally, I’ve decided to finish off with @shinrasfirst​ whom I used to admire from afar. Min is super cool and I spent actual weeks trying to get myself to check them out and follow them because we have a few mutuals and I was like “Hnnnnnn, I’m sure we’d get along but hhhhhhhhh”. Then they followed me first and I was like “!!!! wtf????” so yeah, now we occasionally talk about Kpop and I can’t remember what else we’ve talked about but we’ve talked about other things. (I have Discord if you want it)

5  SONGS EITHER YOU OR YOUR MUSE REGARD AS A ‘GUILTY PLEASURE’ THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SMILE.

I’m gonna cheat here and group a bunch of songs together because y’all need to be exposed to my here there and everywhere music taste. (Judge me, I dare you)

ONE: So I’m actually putting 3 songs in here. My mum’s favourite decade has always been the 80′s so I grew up listening to a lot of D.uran D.uran - I still have memories of us in her green car with the cassette player and I’d beg for us to listen to the D.uran D.uran tape (which is merely 10 years older than me!). My favourites have always been Rio, Hungry Like The Wolf, and Save A Prayer. SAP is absolutely my first emo song. (And interestingly enough, I don’t think Reno would listen to DD songs)

TWO: Infinity by Guru Josh. This. Damn. Song. Why is it so bloody difficult to find the specific version I grew up with?? But yeah, the saxophone has stuck with me all these years - and I’m still proud of myself for identifying the first instrument heard as a saxophone. I feel like this song says something about me...

THREE: Courtesy of JaeJae, I am super into DMC. Nero’s theme in 5 is probably my favourite thing in existence and I’m probably going to listen to it on Thursday. Sticking with video game music, let’s add some more here shall we? This remix of Supporting Me used in S.onic F.orces just gets me in the right spot. That goddamn guitar is just *chefs kiss*. Also the theme for Green Hills in the Sonic movie makes me want to sob because I grew up with Sonic the Hedgehog in my life and the movie being really good despite some pacing and editing issues-- I just-- someone come cry with me 😭 THOSE CHORDS (also chucking in Un-gravitify from Riders: Zero Gravity because that series is underrated as hell and I can’t believe Free Riders killed it. Revive Riders, you cowards. Give me my extreme gear back) - I feel like Reno would definitely listen to a lot of video game music (especially from Sonic and DMC)

FOUR: It’s Brit time again: Mr Brightside by The Killers- ahem, sorry, the anthem for the UK. Cheesy Brit songs? Yes, please. 5, 6, 7, 8 by Steps was my childhood - I still know the steps to it ;¬¬, I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred is an absolute must and you know Reno listens to this even if it’s not particularly to his taste - it just fascinates him, THIS SONG - I love it so much and I’ve convinced myself I can mimic it almost perfectly, my mum probably sensed something was up years ago considering my obsession with Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Bands like Busted and McFly with songs like Glad I Crashed The Wedding and Obviously, as well as VengaBoys with We Like To Party are joint guilty pleasures.

FIVE: To flip to a whole other spectrum, both Reno and I are fond of rock and metal and you will likely find one of us mouthing along and bopping our heads to songs like Hero by Skillet, Bodies by Drowning Pool (I have to resist the urge to scream along every time), It Has Begun by STARSET, and Another Way Out by Hollywood Undead. It only just clicked with me in recent months that I did in fact have an emo phase (if a little low-key) and it was devoid of P!atD and MCR which is a crime. But songs like this are absolutely guilty pleasures for both myself and Reno.

Tagging: Everyone tagged above, as many of my Aerith/Aeris mutuals as I remember: @roseusuitta, @cultivatxr, @pulchralilium, @floralcetra, @flowergirlgillionaire, @wallflowergainsborough, @churchflower, @thememcry, @angetoile, and YOU (should you wish to do it)!

Tagged by: @madamdirectcr

[sheikah]

What kills me so much about season 8 Jon is that his every action ruined my favorite thing about Jon--his soft, romantic side. I know we only have Ygritte to go off of before Dany, but that relationship was still very revealing when it comes to his personality.  

Ygritte was Jon’s sworn enemy, and he was under orders to kill her. Orders! But he didn’t. He saw her, that she was a woman (a pretty woman at that), and he couldn’t go through with it. But I’m supposed to believe that at Tyrion’s suggestion he committed regicide and murdered his defenseless lover?

Ygritte and Jon’s relationship was forbidden--for multiple reasons. Being with any woman was prohibited by his vows, but being with Ygritte in particular was even more transgressive because she was a wildling--someone Northerners, and especially men of the Watch, were taught to hate. Despite this, Jon slept with her and fell in love with her. Jon Snow, who had only ever been with Ygritte, went down on her with no prompting! He was a selfless and enthusiastic lover and a sexually progressive dude! But I’m supposed to believe that finding out Dany was a blood relative was too scandalous for Jon? Dany who, like him, is a Targaryen? You know, the family that normalized and created legal loopholes for incest in Westeros? It was too disgusting to kiss Dany? That’s where he drew the line? (Not even to mention that avunculate marriage was actually acceptable outside of Targaryen unions, with even the supposedly morally superior Starks participating in it. Twice.)

Ygritte participated in wildling raids wherein the wildlings killed Northern villagers brutally and indiscriminately. She participated in terrifying violence that would fit a modern definition of mass murder. Jon knew about this and developed a relationship with Ollie--a young boy whose life was torn apart by Ygritte and her fellow raiders, giving Jon a close, secondhand perspective on the extent of her violence. And yet, during the battle at The Wall, Jon couldn’t harm her. Seeing her across the battlefield--his enemy--he could only smile fondly. He could only smile at a woman who shot him three times. But I’m supposed to believe that he would stab Dany in the heart for killing smallfolk in King’s Landing?

I know it’s hard for a lot of people to understand why I don’t post about Jon anymore and why I don’t really actively ship Jonerys. But it’s because season 8 ruined the reason why I loved Jon and why I shipped Jonerys. A lot of people say--myself included--that Jon put duty before love in the past, in keeping with the whole, “Love is the death of duty,” mantra. But if I really think about it, that’s not entirely true. If Jon really put duty before love, he would have killed Ygritte while she shot him full of arrows. If he really put duty before love, he wouldn’t have hesitated when he saw her at Castle Black--Ygritte, the woman who slaughtered Ollie’s family. But he did. Because Jon Snow was a soft boy who couldn’t hurt the woman he loved. He was a soft boy who didn’t just pretend to love Ygritte to ingratiate himself to the wildlings. He was romantic with her. He flirted with her. He loved her. And I loved him for being an impulsive, conflicted, romantic guy.

And season 8 took all of that away from me. I spent years arguing against the idea of political!Jon when the truth turned out to be much worse. Jon was passive and almost apathetic in his “love” for Dany. I can’t even say anymore that I believe he ever loved her at all. He ignored and avoided her after learning about his parentage. He never comforted her after she lost Jorah or Missandei. His loyalty lasted as long as the lives of the smallfolk. He betrayed her trust by revealing his parentage to Sansa and Arya. And finally, he killed Dany when she was vulnerable. Where was the romance? Where was the selflessness he had demonstrated so many times before? Where was the enthusiasm and dedication to this relationship? When it came down to it, he wasn’t the person I thought he was. That’s what kills me. Because before I started fiercely defending Dany against all the hateful J0nsa antis on tumblr, Jon Snow was my main focus in this fandom. For years. Jon Snow was my favorite character. It was a defining facet of my personality to people who know me IRL that I was obsessed with Jon Snow. Most of my merch was Jon Snow merch. My tote bag for work was printed with Jon Snow fanart. A student got me a Jon Snow funko at the end of the semester one year because of how much I fangirled over him in our fantasy lit class. When I started shipping Jonerys, it wasn’t because I thought Jon was someone who would just make Dany happy. I have always loved Dany, but Jon was my favorite back then. I wanted my sweet, soft Jon to have a queen he deserved. That’s how powerfully bad season 8 was. It made me turn on my favorite character, not just from GoT, but from anything. And I can never forgive the writers for that. And I can’t just go back to business-as-usual in the fandom because I’m too bitter and sad. 

[crowmero]

Otome Tag Game

Borrowed from @amrryga (pardon my audacity)

1- Which otome game is your fav?

Wizardess Heart, I started playing since I grew up bored of waiting for new episodes from MCL and I didn’t think I would like it this much!!! 

2- Which otome did you start playing but stopped and why?

Eldarya, too many reasons to list in all what happened in four years, but is that game with soo much potential and I was waiting for things getting interesting, knowing more places, more magical creatures and to get real substance not just filler episodes and well... at the end my friends and I were mostly playing for the closet and events and not for the story anymore (I get stuck around episode 16). Then got my account suspended and my BFF too soo what’s the point? All really get worse from there and I’m still surprised that people keep supporting the game after all the shit show. We just move on to other games where we feel more satisfied and my money more worthy of spend of.

3- The otome you spent the most on?

Wizardess Heart, seconded by Midnight Cinderella.

4- Why do you like otome games?

For comfort. Also I get bored really easy so is a good place to escape when I have ten minutes to kill. 

5- Your favorite arc

"The Spring of Unicorns” from Wizardess Heart, was the first arc I played from that game (I guess is my fav since I already almost get all the endings from the three routes haha). The story was really interesting and is the one I remember the most and also features Klaus, Randy and Azusa who are three of the most popular/mysterious guys of the game.

6- Your least favorite arc

Y’all remember... in Eldarya when we have to go back and forth from Balenvia like... who knows how many times try to save the day just so people still die? YIKES!

7- Favorite side character

Morgan and Chani (MCL)

Amelia, Augustus and Scarlett (Wizardess Heart)

Headmaster Randolph and Professor Schuyler deserve a spot here <3

8- Favorite LI based on design

Finn (Blood in Roses) He’s design is incredible!

Ioannis (Blood in Roses) When you’re beautiful with a square personality.

Spade (Blood in Roses) Our favorite cat boy <3

Bridget (Blood in Roses) She looks terrific in season 2 <3

Azusa Kuze (Wizardess Heart) The very reason I pick him.

Leon (Wizardess Heart) He is so beautiful like a porcelain doll.

Guy Brighton (Wizardess Heart) I love his kitty smile <3

Hugo Peers (Wizardess Heart) Like Leon but with a upgrade!

9- Favorite LI based on personality

Sigurd Curtis (Wizardess Heart) The most underrated character of this game, I would never get bored with him on my side <3

Klaus Goldstein (Wizardess Heart) He is an asshole and I love him <3

Randy (Wizardess Heart) A sunshine <3

Daniel (Blood in Roses) He’s like a puppy, he is really sweet.

Sascha (Blood in Roses) He totally was winning my heart <3

Skeletiano (The Niflheim) THE BEST SKELETON OF THE WORLD <3

Priya (MCL) My wife <3

Lysandro (MCL) One of the best boys <3

There is like soo many (?)

10- Favorite MC based on design

I think Isabella from “The Niflheim” 

11- Favorite MC based on personality

Liz Hart (Wizardess Heart) honestly she grew on me. I like her the most when the night class arc comes because she matured A TON, but still when she was a really dumbass clumsy wizardess, she have soo many good things and she always stays true to herself and she only becomes better. I think because she have a really specific and defined personality is very easy to see her as a fully developed character and not a empty shell to self insert on her.

Hunter MC (Blood In Roses) Like she is really smart and fully capable of survive and defend herself that sometimes I DON’T GET WHY PEOPLE HATE HER! (Is because all the pinky on her design?) but the fact that she don’t need to depend much on others and that she can fight is what I like of her.

“Alice”  (Lost Alice) Is my friends fault that I know her and  honestly... she is great? She is also very independent and instead of whining, she is totally capable of look and stand for herself, she is osom <3

12- Most despised character

I would say... Azusa Kuze (Wizardess Heart) for obvious reasons (?) is not like I hate him that much, like I need to write about him to make justice on him, but he comes as really awful in his main route and I really was having a terrible time playing it.

If I have to pick another one... Cerim Leiado (Wizardess Heart) in his main route too. I don’t even understand how I manage to get the happy and normal ending, but in my time playing him I just wanted to run in the arms of good boi Guy <3. Cerim was really moody... and his reactions feel like really out of proportion (like asking you your fav food makes you this mad? for real?) and also he slammed MC against a wall... so YIKES!

13- Which character looks like you?

I don’t think any character looks like me hahaha. The character I relate on personality the most is Klaus Goldstein (Wizardess Heart) so looks like I’m an asshole lol but I think is the very reason why I like him so much, because I can relate to him and I understand him, so looks like I’m very clumsy showing my emotions but I also really care so much about people.

14- Who could you date IRL?

ALBERT BURCKHARDT  FROM MIDNIGHT CINDERELLA <3

 EVERYONE GO HOME!!!

But Also I would love to date Sigurd or Klaus :P

15- Favorite illustration

This is really hard? I would pick three from my favorite boi Klaus because he was the very first character I liked from Wizardess and what I got to feel with those Illustrations haven’t changed at all:

Like this picture get me so flustered the first time! OMG! The audacity!

The most sweetest picture ever from this two <3

This should be my favorite event picture from him because the quality looks exceptional and Klaus just looks gorgeous and god knows his face has passed for many hands!

I’ll tag everyone who plays otome games so you’re welcome!

[melissatreglia]

Darkiplier in 2017: An In-Depth Look (Part 4)

(Memory a little rusty? Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 before going forward.)

"Well, I've got a news flash for you, brain trust. That's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life... but it's not you."

- Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (2x07: "Lie to Me")

So, here it is: the long-awaited final installment of my Darkiplier in 2017 essay.

Remember when I said anything could happen for the remainder of 2017? Well, it basically did. The final quarter of the year brought with it an explosive finale... that is to say, a fascinating origin story.

But we'll get to that in a moment.

Prior to the events of October and following in the wake of the Darkiplier vs. Antisepticeye vid, we were given quite a few bits, bobs and teasers of the horror to come.

In the second Try Not to Smile Challenge, our favourite Youtuber remarked that "I've turned my heart into a stone-cold ice cube of death. All joy has been purged from me in every way possible, and I have no smiles left for anybody." Then he added, with his usual sardonic humour, "It's #smilenever up in this bitch." He promptly spent the remainder of the video looking like he was in agonizing pain from the human experiences he was observing (and intermittently groaning and growling from his frustrated attempts at self-restraint).

A deceptively simple game titled V appeared on Mark's channel in September, and included a seizure warning as a result of its visual style... a style reminiscent of Dark's attention-grabbing, almost painful aura. Chook and Sosig: A Case of Murder is a quirky little diversion that follows a ghost chicken and a noodly-limbed cat as they solve the mysterious death of a popular entertainer (a writer, in this case). Another strange little vid, this time an animation of Mark's Firewatch playthrough, was also released. Though the dialogue is actually taken from a game that had been played a year prior, Forrest Byrnes' lines about death lying in wait and being unable to leave are also oddly fitting.

The artistic black-and-white game I woke up next to you again. contained themes that, upon reflection, are consistent with the overall narrative of Darkiplier's character. Its story is of an attractive, enigmatic stranger (whose appearance is occasionally marred by a subtle glitch effect) seduces you, slowly drains you of your life and ambitions, until you are left an obsessive and hollow husk of yourself. Interpretations vary on what the story of "I woke up..."  means (including that it might be a metaphor for drug addiction), but the real meaning is left intentionally vague by the programmer. The being your character is faced with might very well be a soul-devouring demon, for all one knows... especially given that the "girl" in question doesn't appear in the picture you show of her to a friend.

Following the events in early October, Mark joked during his play-through of The Evil Within 2 that the force-feeding mother was "speaking in multiple voices... a clear sign that that might be Darkiplier over there. I think she turned grey when the lighting changed..." (a clear reference to the insanity the fandom was gripped by earlier in the month). In a later episode, Mark eyeballs the rather dapper villain Stefano bathed in dim, moody lighting and quips, "Friggin' Darkiplier up in here."

The rather silly nyoom vid, created to promote Mark's new merch line of holographic M shirts, features the same distorted RGB effect we've become familiar with in Dark's appearances... although this time, it's all a bit of harmless fun with Chica set to a dubstep soundtrack. In Constellation, Mark jokes to "run away!" from the 3D effect the game offers, before conjuring what he dubs a "Darkiplier teapot".

During the Emily Wants To Play Too livestream, Mark comments that the "Let Her In :)" note left on the dry erase board is "some Darkiplier-level shit," adding that everyone now knows what happened with Damien and Celine, and later jokes that the tall stranger looks "dapper... in his suit... y'know that guy's lookin' a little grey. His skin turns grey; I think it's Darkiplier." He's unable to contain his mirth, however, and giggles a bit as he talks.

The vid ...Bonbon Loves You... offers an unsettling description of its events, where the bunny-shaped demonic imaginary friend provides his constant companionship... for a price. "You can never escape! You'll never need to escape! YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A FRIEND FOREVER!!" Prison Island likewise has a chilling description of its own, of a mystery that's been covered up and that "something terrible has been going on in the shadows and it's come back to haunt you..." The title for the vid of the game Deathlike Awakening also warns us "Don't move... don't breathe..."

There was also the short song “The Man With No Shadow”, a brief acoustic piece which had strange and surreal lyrics in honour of the solar eclipse.

My personal favourite of these teasers, however, has to be the easter egg contained in the finale of Mark's Popgoes play-through. Mark appears distracted as he hears a disturbance in his IRL vicinity, and he removes his headphones to stare out to his left (presumably where the door is). A voice that sounds similar to Wilford Warfstache declares offscreen, "Don't you worry!" Another voice, sounding suspiciously like Darkiplier Himself sneers in a somewhat muted rejoinder, "I'll get you." Mark stands motionless as the webcam view briefly warps, before the recording continues as if absolutely nothing happened.

But of course, this all pales in comparison to Who Killed Markiplier?, the four-part miniseries Mark created on a limited budget that's arguably his magnum opus. There's a reason it took me more than a year to write this part of the essay, and this taut 43-minute film is the reason why. It made me love characters I'd never met before, and even though I had a sickening feeling in my stomach as to their fates. Even knowing the monster Damien would become, and how broken William's psyche would be... I was still woefully unprepared for the onslaught of emotion I felt by the finale.

WKM has been analysed from every angle by the fandom at large, so I'm going to focus on providing a brief recap here.

We, as the viewpoint character of the District Attorney, are invited to Markiplier Manor for poker night. We're greeted by the Colonel and hand our invitation over to the Butler, before having a brief conversation with Damien, the newly-elected mayor. The chef warns us to stay out of his kitchen as the butler offers us a drink. Markiplier (well, this universe's version of him, anyway) descends the staircase and the night of drunken revelry begins.

The following morning, we're offered a seltzer with cocaine as a hangover aid by the butler (cocaine was a fairly common ingredient in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, including in children's cough medicine), and Damien greets us. We wander aimlessly around the house, and are startled by the falling body of the newly deceased Markiplier. The detective, who'd also been invited the night before, proceeds to question the party-goers and examine the body. The mayor enters the scene and, showing his capabilities as a calming influence, asks for any information that can be gleaned. Damien then exits, ostensibly to talk to the Colonel, and clearly more disturbed by the events than he's previously let on.

The DA is drafted in as the detective's partner, and we overhear an argument between the Mayor and the Colonel. Damien angrily storms out, and we take the opportunity to discuss the matter with the Colonel. He promptly tells us a story about what he thinks happened, laying it on rather thick in the process and leaving no question as to his hostility towards their deceased host.  

The Butler leads us down into the wine cellar, before having a nervous breakdown about a broken bottle in the middle of the otherwise pristine floor. We go back up the stairs an are confronted by the Chef who, after some tough talk, offers some recorded (FNAF-style) footage of Markiplier and the Detective discussing the house's employees some nights prior. We then exit the house, and talk to Damien some more about his confrontation with the Colonel. Damien feels lost amid these events at the moment and has retreated to ponder matters for himself. We're soon called back in by the Detective to discover that Mark's body has now vanished.

The cast of characters reconvene in the room where the body was to discuss this turn of events, and the Colonel points out that there's a "storm" coming. The Butler and the Chef resolve to lock the building down, with no one getting in or out, until the matter is resolved. The Detective takes us up, down and around the inside of the house until we eventually get to the master bedroom.

The bedroom is a mess, but we find three pictures of Mark, Damien, the Colonel... and Mark's ex-wife, Celine. The Colonel talks with us about his relationship with Damien (which is more positive than his relationship with Mark). Damien briefly pops in looking for the Colonel, but just misses him... twice. Damien then pulls us aside, saying that he'd "stake [his] life" on the Colonel's innocence, and that he suspects that there's  another "guest" in the house no one knows about.

There's a sudden round of gunfire, and we rush in with Damien to find that the Detective and the Colonel are at a standoff. Then Celine barges in.

Everyone quickly catches her up on the events that have occurred thus far, and Celine points out that the lightning strikes indicate something supernatural is afoot. Celine proposes a séance to talk with the deceased Mark. After Damien reaches out in concern for her dabbling in witchcraft and she rebuffs him, Celine takes us with her to a quieter room where she reads the tarot and reveals that there are "dark forces" at work inside the manor. Her magickal influence enables us to go through time, seeing alternate events and getting a hint of what's to come.

But the answers we find aren't enough to satisfy her, and she grows angry with us, demanding that we "go back" into our visions. Damien and the Detective interrupt, with Damien putting a stop to the séance and the Detective dragging us away as Damien and Celine argue. The Detective shows the picture we've drawn to the Butler and the Chef, and it's revealed that the Groundskeeper (who hasn't set foot inside the house in over a decade) might know something.

Damien goes with Celine back into the séance room, while the Butler goes to find the Colonel. We, the Detective and the Chef go to talk to the Groundskeeper. The Groundskeeper resolves not to go in the house unless there's one specific "incident, one manifestation" that comes to pass.

There's a flash of light and the sound of thunder, and everyone rushes back into the house to reveal that Damien is gone and Celine is now possessed by a demon... the demon who's been lurking in the house the entire time, and who's aura is a familiar red and blue hue.

Most of the group decides to exit the house while they still can, with the exceptions of the Detective, the Colonel and the DA (ie. us). The Detective and the Colonel vanish and we're pulled into a darker, shadow version of the house that seems frozen in time and is echoing with the voices of those who fled. The demon of the house releases us from its grip, and we stumble upon the Detective's study... replete with the papers and evidence we weren't privy to before. The Colonel happens upon us in the study and becomes furious, thinking the Detective framed he and his friends.

The two are in a standoff once again, before the Colonel's gun goes off twice... purely by accident. One shot hits Abe. The other hits the DA (us) and we fall over the banister and crash to the floor.

In the space between life and death, we see the images of Damien and Celine. She's glowing red, and he's a soft blue. "Damien" is angry and lost, blaming Mark for what happened. "Celine" concurs, also blaming Mark for the events that transpired... and together they hatch a plan to release themselves from the void and back into the world. (All the while, a deep and demonic voice mockingly echoes their words, as if they are mere puppets.)

Damien then says these fateful words:

"Honestly, I don't know what the fuck is going on. But I know that I trust Celine. And if you trust us... just let me in. We can fix this. Together."

Celine then adds:

"I won't force this on you. You have a choice here. Just know this is the only way that you can escape."

And because we, the DA, have no real choice in the matter (as if death is a choice!), we agree. The images of Damien and Celine recede as we're driven back to our body. We get up, confused and disoriented with the daylight streaming in, and find the Colonel holding onto Damien's cane like a security blanket during a vigil near our body. And we watch, with growing horror and sadness, as the Colonel's mental state deteriorates. He hobbles away, calling out to the friends who will not and cannot answer him, leaving Damien's cane behind.

We reach out to the cane, with a small feminine hand which changes form into a man's larger hand. Our perspective tilts and it appears to be Damien in the mirror, looking bedraggled and exhausted as he contemplates his cane. He cracks his (broken from the fall) neck and we're thrown into the mirror, it cracking with the force and he storms away, leaving us behind without looking back.

Damien, if that was indeed him at all, is not the man we knew. Not anymore. He's long gone. What remains is made of demonic energy and rage; the demon of the house won. That being is now the one we call Darkiplier.

To lighten the lugubrious mood of the mini-series, Mark simultaneously released four "Jim News" shorts, featuring the Jims wandering through the house in an attempt at investigative reporting (ie. Mark goofing off on set, between takes). The legit bop that is "Fly Like a Butterfly" is another form of relief, that features in its music video scenes from Markiplier Manor and, of course, the handsome as always Darkiplier adorned with massive butterfly wings.

Hints at the expanded universe were also laid during Mark's play-throughs of Doki Doki Literature Club, specifically in the descriptions, which featured poetry based on the lives of the characters in Who Killed Markiplier?. Part 1 features a poem of Wilford Warfstache (hinting at his transformation from the Colonel), the District Attorney in Part 2, the alternate Markiplier in Parts 3 through 5... and what may be the Detective in Part 6 (though Monika's trapping the player in her world and the thumbnail of Sayori with a cracked/broken neck are both reminiscent of Darkiplier).

Likewise, Mark in the description of Party Hard Tycoon hopes to "party hard and hope no murderers show up!" In The Silent House, he says "this house is nothing but pain and suffering and also it can't talk..." The setting of The Sexy Brutale involves time travel to stop a murder at a gathering in a luxurious home. Sleeping Dawn's thumbnail is a dead body with a toe tag of "Y/N" (the typical reader insert fic's notation to insert your name, and the same notation provided on the invitation for the DA).

Markiplier also jokes that the channel isn't real and about being a paid actor during the 7th episode of his Slime Rancher Let's Play. In the otherwise adorable platform game I may die!, he plays a character whose house is surrounded by an empty void... that he promptly falls into.

Arguably however, the linchpin among the latter portion of the year’s hints is the HD Renovation of Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion, where a familiar resonant and echoing voice narrates:

"For as long as you can remember, legends have been told about the derelict mansion upon the hill that casts a blanket of darkness over the town. The history of the house itself is virtually unknown, and even the town’s oldest residents cannot remember the mansion’s origin. Being an avid history enthusiast, you embark up the mountain to visit the manor. Hoping to shed some light on the backstory of this crumbling fortress of darkness."

Sounds familiar, in more ways than one, doesn’t it?

But it doesn't even end there.

Only a few short weeks after the release of the final chapter of Who Killed Markiplier?, Mark released his Van Vlogs. One of these, the World's First Pop-Up Haunted House vlog, hinted that there was something more going on in the beginning, with some ominous music and the static on the van's TV growing louder. What was hinted at finally came to fruition in November. Another van video was released, titled Don't remember. In it, the viewer character has dozed off in the empty van and is woken in the dead of night.

A deep voice faintly says "Do you remember? I said we were going to do great things together. Go back to sleep."

Of course, it was Damien who had hoped that the prospect of working with the DA (the viewer character from Who Killed Markiplier?) would mean great things for the city he was elected to represent. In DoomVR, Mark finds himself trapped between life and death, before reviving and going forth to battle demons. Something which, in light of the events of WKM, doesn't seem too far-fetched now. Additionally, the ending to Part 5 of FNAF's Pizzeria Simulator spells out the words "S-A-V-E H-I-M". In light of possibilities yet to come, it could mean we have to try to save Damien himself.

But that is, as they say, a story for another time.

The description of the finale for Unforgiving: A Northern Hymn asks "Is it the end we really want? Is there a way to prevent the inevitable?" The ending, of course, is a leap of faith followed by the disappointing reality of having been deceived by a demonic trickster, and forced to live through the same events over and over again. It is a revelation reminiscent of the muddled timeline throughout the origin stories of Wilford Warfstache and Darkiplier, two characters who were born years before on the channel, but whose origins did not come to light until the events of Who Killed Markiplier?.

But, I believe, Mark saved the best for last with two sadly coincidental questions on the light-hearted game Would You Rather?. Two days before the end of the year episode 11 of this game was released and, among the game's queries, two particularly heart-wrenching questions were asked.

The first was "Would you rather lose your mind or lose your significant other?" Many have pointed out that both happened to Wilford Warfstache, having lost his mind in the wake of the bloodbath of Who Killed Markiplier? along with his beloved Celine becoming merged with Damien and the demonic entity to become Darkiplier. Mark answers, after weighing the cost of both options, that he’d rather lose his mind than someone he loves.

The second, which he leaves for us, is "Would you rather be stalked by a ghost for the rest of your life, or be stalked by a demon for three days then die?" Of course, the latter actually happened in Who Killed Markiplier?. After the first three episodes, released from October 10th to the 12th, our character (the DA) was shot and fell from a banister on Friday the 13th.

Like in Who Killed Markiplier? itself, we’re left with a question that’s difficult to answer. The biggest of the all the questions anyone can conceive being simply this:

So, what happens now?

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 10: We Finally Found Tea

Well, lets turn on some Yugioh and see what Hellish Nightmare is drawn on a children’s card today

Fair reminder, my 9 year old nephew is terrified of Little Witch Academia and made me turn it off after 3 episodes.

And is that demonic flesh thing with the red eyes ever a contrasting aesthetic to what comes directly after it--four sweet children with cute matching outfits

Anyways, Mokuba has allowed the fight between Joey and Roba to continue, despite the fact that if Roba somehow won at this point, Mokuba would not have allowed it. The outcome seems pretty fixed and can only really go one way, but this is almost nearly always the case when Joey gets in a duel.

Like, I can make a list--but then I’d have to remember sooo many details about S1 but when was the last time Joey had a duel that wasn’t completely one sided/a sham? Rex? Like was it just Rex? I mean dueling Yugi kiiiiind of but like...Yugi’s a card wizard so even then it’s like...this is just Joey’s life I guess.

But, this show will do whatever it can to make us forget that all of this with Mokuba Just happened and Just went down and that there’s really no real threat to Joey. And so it does that by holding Joey accountable for the ultimate Joey guilt if he loses, which is making his sister feel...sad?

Listen I’m happy shes soon to not be blind anymore but like I think we gotta stop using Blind Sister as some sort of Joey motivation, like...she’s fine. I have a really hard time believing that she will truly be so upset if her brother loses a card game that her brother already knows will absolutely kill him if he ends up in the final 2.

(read more)

And Tea’s still lost, but at least now she has some company

And then just whips this out of her purse, to my utter disbelief.

She has been lost for 3 episodes! The girl has a PHONE and she has been lost for 3 episodes? And like, sure, maybe the boys haven’t been given the hand me down family phone yet, but like...they do have her number, right? Like at any point any of her friends could have called her? What does she use that for, if not to keep tabs on her three (four) friends that are constantly about to die?

As Joey is trying to ignore Rex, who is standing in for Yugi, (as Yugi is standing about 300 feet above him because for some reason he is convinced this will help Joey more than by just saying “you can do it” on the sidelines) Serenity tells Tristan straight up everyone needs to stop using her as a plot device.

Her explanation is a little weird but I’ll take it.

I spent about 2 more hours looking for this shirt IRL. No dice.

As Joey decides that he’s going to concede (which would have been actually really great it he conceded and forced Mokuba to run down from the roof and be like “all y’all are going to card jail because you cheated and Joey isn’t even supposed to be in this tourney OMG”) Tea and Grandpa run over to give him some inspiring message about how his sister is beside him or something?

It’s amazing at how easily Joey forgets his sister. Should really wear her picture in a necklace around his neck like the Kaiba’s do. Hell, maybe that’s why the Kaiba’s still do it, now that their brains have been shuffled more than cards.

So Pharaoh stepped out this game because he wanted to see Joey win on his own and without the support of his friends, only to prove that Joey absolutely cannot win on his own because he needed Tea and Grandpa to show up anyway.

The Hell is your face Grandpa?

And because we haven’t seen Yugi in a few episodes, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a complete meltdown. So lets see Esper Roba completely melt down on stage and suffer virtually no consequences for it.

And normally I’d be talking about how there’s just no consequences for that, huh? But instead, I want to fixate on something else, because look who I found entirely by accident:

I am so floored!

Like why would you REDRAW this background????

It’s really lucky that I capped these two at almost the same position--I would have never realized this otherwise, but what’s super fascinating from an artist standpoint is that instead of just using the same cel of people on both episodes (which is really normal in shows like this because crowd scenes are hell to draw) they ... traced over it? But slightly different?

Like the guys next to him are the same models but shifted a little. I’m pretty sure the tube top girl is also there on the left edge?

I mean this explains why that guy has a suit case in an arcade if he’s just a generic crowd boy they pulled from another episode but like...whhhhyyyyy?

Like maybe perhaps one of these was zoomed in and they had to redraw it at a different ratio? We’re still using cels at this point I believe, I don’t think the show was totally digital yet.

But, if you have to redraw the whole thing anyway, why not just shuffle them? Or like change even the color of their clothes and hair? Was this just given to an intern, like “OK kid, draw me a crowd scene, youknow, one like this?” and then when the intern drew the exact same scene and they were like “oops! Well...maybe no one will notice?”

That’s super weird. I’m going to be looking for suitcase guy for the rest of this season now.

Next week, on Yugioh:

Does Rex ever get to re-enter the tourney since Mokuba knew that Roba’s been cheating this entire time or is everyone going to just ignore that because they hate Rex so much? Will Yugi ever play a game or is Pharaoh just going to be our permanent showman now because Yugi’s tired or whatever? Is Joey seriously not going to just...visit his sister himself, seriously? Take an hour Joey.

And hey, if you just got here and want to see my Yugioh Recaps from the beginning in chrono order, click here for the link

[janiedean]

My ‘favourite’ thing about them calling you a Nazi apologist is the fact that you’re the one sharing ALL the atrocities Nazis committed. Ironically they’re diminished Nazi crimes and rejecting them as unimportant or simply denying it happened.

no but like the thing is, on one side at this point it’s so absurd I don’t even go there - how the hell you say ‘what a bunch of nazi apologism’ to a post where I literally told you that in europe race has become a banned term exactly because of the nazis using it that way and bringing us to what happened which would mean that if I used it non-ironically *I* would be considered a neonazi by anyone crossing the street but WHATEVER I guess that was a case of purposefully not getting it - but on the other.... like I don’t know who these people talk to irl but like, thing is, while rome’s not usually too right-bent all the neofascist parties/organizations are from here sadly, and I’ve... had classmates whose granddad had a mussolini bust in the house (reportedly but knowing the guy I wouldn’t have been surprised) and who certainly did not think we shared an opinion, I went to a high school where they showed the pianist on january 27th and I can 100% assure you half of the people in the room (300/400) laughed at the scene where the nazis throw out of the window a guy in a wheelchair while arresting the entire building - LAUGHED - and when I asked a classmate (who was also gay but whatever he votes salvini I should have understood at that point that it was a lost case) how the hell he found that funny he backtracks with ‘well come on it was a little bit amusing’ (spoiler: no it wasn’t) and tbh there’s a bunch of reasons why I dropped him like hot coal and that factored into it, I’ve almost came to physical blows with someone on the bus once because she was full-on belting pro-nazi stuff about killing another six million people in concentration camps and tbh I was lucky that was about the only close encounter I had because she wasn’t the kind of neonazi/fascist person who goes to the gym four hours each day and could pound you to pieces (a lot of them sadly do).

like what I’m getting at is that if according to these people yours truly ie someone who a) goes to visit concentration camps b) reads survivors’s memories c) has spent years arguing with the aforementioned negationist classmates who were like ‘meh it’s all fake/jewish people never had it that bad’ d) has openly said that while having Issues with the capital I with the israe/li government I absolutely think it has a right to exist and it should exist also as reparation (or beginning to) for the antisemitism european jewish people had to endure for millennia (linking the reply since the person who said I was a nazi apologist yesterday carefully avoided mentioning that link or reblogging the post WITH THAT LINK), e) would vote far left if she could afford it and given that these days you have to compromise with the center-left party given who’s on the other side feels like she’s not voting left enough and so on.... is a nazi apologist (guess what I’m not like really not)......... I mean, have they ever met a real nazi apologist? on tumblr or irl? because I did and I’m fairly sure I’m not of like any of their opinions.

I mean, just to show off how I’m a nazi apologist in comparison to people on tumblr...

one instance

second instance (this is about the ANNE FRANK IS OVERRATED discourse, wild ride 100%)

third instance of the anne frank discourse in which GUESS WHAT I reblogged a list of crimes against jewish people since the destruction of jerusalem that was compiled by the same user that told me yesterday I was a nazi apologist and in my tags I was like OMG THANK YOU FOR PROVIDING THAT LIST NOW I CAN LINK IT WHENEVER I HAVE TO DISCUSS WITH ANTISEMITES here have the receipt

and that was my personal take on that same OP

there was the time I absolutely didn’t agree with some crazy radical catholic who was pretty damned antisemite

that was my opinion about people who says that the holocaust was a white genocide and so it’s not as important as we make it to be, take two

btw that was the op about the white genocide thing I didn’t comment but I think my tags suffice

I can’t find the OP but it was about people in a london university where some students were doing holocaust denial in spades

this was about a post that got me angry af where someone made a picture with the titanic sinking, the picture with the jewish boy in warsaw getting arrested and a picture of sept 11th and one of a slave galley with a caption ‘WE’RE TOLD TO NEVER FORGET THREE OF THOSE AND TO FORGET JUST ONE GUESS WHY’

like that’s what I found with a ten minute search on my antisemitism/holocaust tags but like, I am the nazi apologist now? I’m really not worrying that much because she slammed that accusation at the bottom of a post that if anyone reads it forreal could never be taken as such but like, if that means nazi apologism idk what they think of the people I was replying to. never mind the real neonazi/fascist people I had the displeasure of meeting/interacting with irl but. *shrug*

like, if they really want to play that song, fine. but honestly, I really just would like to know how they classify nazi apologies because given that I actually agreed with them going against the same person downplaying the holocaust/pretty much doing nazi apologism then... I mean what the hell do I even do except laughing?

btw I’ve been told that someone is sending anon asks to a certain person saying I’m trash talking her and I’d like to state that a) I wasn’t the one preventively blocking people, b) I haven’t blocked that person, c) I wasn’t the one posting screencaps of replies they gave with the name/my url on it and circulating it as ‘LOOK AT THOSE RACIST PEOPLE YOU SHOULD PUT IN THE BLOCK LIST’, I only ever brought up the receipts with the username the moment she did that with me first and I couldn’t defend myself because she blocked me.

so. *shrug* I’ve said my piece and honestly I’d like to think we can get back to proper fandom blogging now and drop this discourse but like I really don’t appreciate being talked behind my back without people not even engaging directly with me when they have a problem with what I say. 

[ecl1pse]

like, mental health wise, i’ve been doing fucking amazing in the past 7-8 (maybe 9ish??) months (who’d thought that going and seeing sunlight and exercising would do wonders for your mood, huh?) and i just feel so proud of myself for pulling myself out of that dark cloud. but sometimes i just can’t help but think back to when i wasn’t even okay. like 10-9 years ago when i absolutely despised myself and nearly everything about me, only deeming some qualities bearable (nearly none).

and it makes me so sad just to think of little 15 and sixteen year old me being so sad and broken when i was starting high school. and like, it’s no wonder i couldn’t even finish high school. the only value i held in myself was that i saw myself as mildly attractive. a hard mild. because back then i was still living with my mom and she used to point every little defect on my physicality like it was her damn job. 

i remember taking a psychology class for the first time when i was 17 and realizing that i was depressed and had probably been for a long time. then realizing that my dad’s jokes that my mom “beat the ahdh out of me as a kid” weren’t jokes and there was something chemically wrong with my brain. maybe my neurological pathways weren’t wired right from the start, maybe smacking my head so hard so often did have an effect. and that just didn’t help at all ‘cause then i tried reaching out for help in school and nothing came out it. the school psychologist never even gave me an appointment when i asked for one. it’s okay, though, i understood that she was real busy. and maybe my case wasn’t as urgent. i had a friend who almost threw herself of a bridge on the first semester after her cousin raped her. and our other friend was falling physically sick from all the distress her home life was causing her. they needed more help than i did. maybe i didn’t need any help at all. i could do fine on my own. i always had. i was the big sister, the surrogate mom. i was the strong pillar that couldn’t falter because if i did, the whole house wold come crumbling down.

but i did crumble. i crumbled so bad that it’s taken my like seven fucking years to feel good about myself. and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this good and proud of myself. like, ever. but that fall i took when i realized i wouldn’t be able to even finish high school like the rest of my friends and my parents -- man, it broke me. i hated myself so much in the months prior. i wasn’t able to get out of bed after coming from school each afternoon and not doing homework, therefore lowering my grades even more. spent sleepless nights crying at how much of a failure and a disappointment i was. and then one day the realization just kind of hit me that it could all end and no one would have to know how much of a loser i secretly was if i just killed myself. yeah, that was the answer. i wouldn’t be a burden and embarrassment to my dad. he’d get over it with the help of my sister who has always been better. my mom certainly wouldn’t miss me. at least not for long. she had left the city and started a new life with her new husband and her new baby in las vegas. and she didn’t miss me. she proved it when she left me waiting for her on valentine’s day with a rose i bought for her after school and didn’t bother to tell she wasn’t going to pick me up until i called nearly an hour later. she didn’t need me anymore. nobody needed me. i was useless and stupid, and everyone would be better off if i was dead. i just had to find the guts to do it.

i never did.

but still thought about it. every single day. especially after my dad found out why i truly couldn’t go to my graduation party and ceremony, and why stopped talking to my friends soon as the summer break rolled in, and why i wasn’t interested in looking into colleges and fashion school. i couldn’t go. i wouldn’t get a degree. he had worked his ass off to put me and my sister through school and i had repaid him with shame and disappointment. and i never answered back when shouted and screamed for answers while driving violently through traffic, i never said anything because i’m as stubborn as i am stupid, if not more. and i couldn’t tell him that i’ve been living so in the moment since i was like, 12 or 13 that i never thought i would have a future. i exceeded my life expectancy by 16, so i stopped caring about the future when i was 17. and thought about drinking a whole bottle of cough syrup or a 100 aspirins when i was 18. and i never stopped thinking about it. (and to be fair i’ve never told anyone that. period.)

my close family knew i was a failure by the time my 19 birthday rolled in. and i still thought i could just end it all one day. soon. if i wasn’t such a pussy.

i had managed to completely shut out all my friends, even when they messaged me begging to know if was still alive. and didn’t know that i didn’t show up to graduation because i wasn’t a graduate like them, i’d just lost my ticket! i was sick! you guys know i never liked using facebook! you should text me! maybe i’ll answer then. i’m not hiding, you guys just aren’t looking hard enough. and now i moved to las vegas with my mom and i’m working at little caesars and going to adult school. i’m so busy having a life, that’s why you can’t ever reach me :)

but i was still unbearably sad. i wanted to die. and being with my mom wasn’t helping at all. she told every single day that i needed to stop being so useless and i needed to get my shit together because no one wants to be with a slob like me. i overslept one afternoon when i came home from school. i was supposed to take a little nap (wish i never woke up) and get up, get changed and go to work. but i slept too long and my mom got fed up. she booked a doctor’s appointment for me for the next week. the doctor did some quick check ups, said i was mostly fine. but then the mental evaluation came, and he said i showed signs of mild depression. (mild. hah!) and he said right in front of my fucking mother, who had the fucking gall to cry, and she made me cry because i knew i had disappointed her. again. and i was nothing but a failure. and couldn’t even tell the doctor how bad i wanted to die for the past 5 years because i had already made my mom upset. when he asked if i had suicidal thoughts i just looked really serious and said no. 

i’ve always been a very good liar. so good i’ve fooled my parents into thinking i never lie because i’m real good at letting other things slip out. they tell everyone not to tell me their dirty secrets because i’m bound to let them out some way or another. and it’s true. i slip up sometimes, i say things i wasn’t supposed to. but that’s because i’m always hiding so may of my secrets and lies that i gotta let something out, ya know.

the doctor prescribed me enough antidepressants for two months, and after doing some blood work a few days later, some vitamin d. i found out later the label on the yellow bottle said to warn your doctors of any suicidal thoughts occurred because antidepressants not only make you get up and stuff -- they make get up and do stuff. stuff you never had the guts to do before.

i stopped looking when i crossed the road that summer. it wasn’t intentional. but three or four years later when i a car honked at me, i realized i had stopped looking for oncoming cars a long while ago. i never really got the guts to go through and ending my miserable existence because i had comic books i wanted to read, and new movies i wanted to watch, and i had made some friends online in past 3 years that i was sure would be distressed if they found i had died. especially my friend layla who had become somewhat of a surrogate mom. (mama layla, my other friend and i call her). i knew she’d be so upset she’d drive all the way from the east to the west to dropkick my mom. and i had to be there to watch ben affleck play batman. and i wanted to keep writing my little roleplay threads online, the only thing i seemed to find true joy in.

then one day, when i came back to visit my dad for my birthday, i decided i wouldn’t go back to my mom. it was too distressing being with her. and my dad’s girlfriend told me he had called her crying at night because he really missed me and he just didn’t understand why up and left with my mom one day after we had another one of our quiet fights. in that moment i just knew i couldn’t go back. he needed me and i needed him and his compliments. my mom was too distressing. on my 20th birthday, before i decided to stay, he hugged me real tight and told me he loved me, and he was proud of me, even if i had had a little hiccup on the road, because he knew i was good and he knew i was kind, and i was stubborn, but that also meant i was persistent. i just needed help getting my mind on a goal. and it was okay, even he lost some time when he was young and decided to switch careers. he was proud of me. he asked me if remembered the last time my mom hugged me -- i couldn’t remember. he asked me if remembered the last time she told me she loved me -- i didn’t know. (to this day don’t know, but i think it was the time she told me she was upset that i had left her for my dad, and that she thought we were friends.)

i hadn’t taken antidepressants in months. my vitamin d deficiency was at its worse when i became a recluse in my dad’s apartment. but at least i answered one of my irl friend’s messages! and two and three, and my dad started coaxing me to go out and be the legal interpreter for his american clientele. and i made a hundred american dollars in two hours. and then i signed myself up for adult school again in san diego (but told my friends i was going to ucsd. close enough.)

and i still thought about stopping in the middle crossing traffic. or maybe hanging myself wouldn’t hurt so bad. but the structure of our apartment was so weak that i’d probably end up embarrassing everyone more than actually hurting myself. my dad gave me a car i didn’t want, but i had to learn to drive at some point. and i thought about getting into that car and driving straight until i hit a wall, never hit the breaks. but i was too lazy. and i wanted to see harley quinn come into the big screen. and i was reading more comics, monthly now. and i wanted if they’d bring the robins into the movies, and altho our friend layla had vanished, i still didn’t want to upset my online friends. nor my irls who i was getting close with again. and i had a kitty to take care of.

i let life stay on pause for pretty much 4 years. until i got the idea of signing up to beauty school and finally went through with it last may/june on a whim. forcing myself to go out and do something that i enjoy has actually made me so much happier. and now, seven months later i even got a nicely paying job.

and yeah, i still don’t got a high school diploma, and i don’t lie to the people meet about it (don’t mention it to my high school friends tho!), and i’m not that much into comics, instead went back to an old liking of mine that is k-pop, and i’ve found a passion. like a true passion. i’ve always like making people smile. i didn’t know giving them a befitting haircut, doing their nails, or dying their hair a new color could bring so much joy to them. but i like doing it. there’s something about helping someone feel good and comfortable in their skin that makes me feel good and comfortable on my own. it’s feeling i can’t quite describe.

my mom used to tell me real happiness isn’t real, and all we can achieve for a is ephemeral moments of joy through out life. but i don’t want that. i want to feel good, i want to feel useful and helpful. i want to make others happy with themselves. and i think i’m finally achieving it, you guys. 

there’s so much other depressing shit that happened in between, so many depressing thoughts, but i don’t wanna think about them anymore. i want to look forward. i’ve had to basically cut off contact with my mom to the bare minimum, but i think i can finally look forward and actually see something. there isn’t a thick cloud that doesn’t let me see if this is the end of the road for me anymore. and i know i could have cleared that cloud sooner if i’d asked for help. like, professional help. but it’s okay. i’m used to doing things on my own, at my own slow pace. i’m stubborn like that. and don’t worry, i will get help. i will go back on medication if necessary. i will tell more truths than lies. i will be gentler on myself. i will be proud of my achievements, no matter how big or small. i will be okay. the world might be going tits up, but i’m gonna make it through.

it’s going to be okay, i just know it.

[yourdailykitsch]

Dylan O’Brien and Taylor Kitsch Are a Dynamic Duo

Dylan O'Brien is back in action and heading to the big screen again with the release of his latest movie, American Assassin. In the action thriller, Dylan plays Mitch Rapp, whose fiancée is killed while the couple is on vacation together. He falls into a downward spiral of grief and wants to seek revenge on those who killed the love of his life. He's then enlisted as a black-ops recruit and while he's being trained, it's discovered that a mysterious operative called Ghost is the ringleader behind vicious attacks and as you can already imagine, is the big bad of the film. This movie is non-stop action and for sure a much different character than the lighthearted Stiles Stilinski Teen Wolf fans have come to know and love Dylan for.

"It was fun, you know as an actor you always want to do something different and this to me, it spoke to me immediately. I really just connected with it, I connected to this character and I felt like it was just a great role. Something much different from Stiles too, and I'm always trying to seek new challenges and it seemed like it had the potential to be great and I wanted to be the guy to do it," Dylan exclusively said to J-14 when we caught up with the actor at The Cinema Society & Saved Wines' screening of American Assassin. "I learned a lot about myself through this whole process in general, from what I was coming off of. And then kind of pushing myself to do this film. I felt like I grew up a lot doing this movie and in the last year in a way and all that happened so it's all just a part of me now."

In March of 2016, Dylan went through what is easily one of the scariest things that could ever happen to an actor on set. While he was filming a stunt for the final movie in The Maze Runnertrilogy, The Death Cure, he was seriously injured in a stunt gone wrong. He reportedly suffered a concussion, facial fracture, and brain trauma. Production on the movie was halted and Dylan stepped out of the spotlight for half a year.

"I really was in a dark place there for a while and it wasn’t an easy journey back. There was a time there where I didn’t know if I would ever do it again..and that thought scared me, too. In a lot of ways, those six months went by like that. And then, in a lot of ways, I can still remember that six months as if it was five years of my life," Dylan said in an interview with Vulture. "I had lost a lot of function, just in my daily routine. I wasn’t even at a point where I felt like I could handle social situations, let alone showing up and being responsible for work every day. Long hours on set, delivering a performance and carrying a movie… it just makes your palms sweat."

Dylan was already signed on to play the role of Mitch and he hadn't spoken to the production team or the film's director at all during those months he spent away healing and getting better. He then found himself with only two months to physically and mentally prepare to take on this role, which he knew he just had to do.

"I didn’t want to let it go, and I also had this really interesting, deeper connection to this character over the course of those four months because of what I was going through," Dylan continued to Vulture. "I felt like I could portray that and wanted to be the one to do that justice — it was almost like an honor for me at that point. But at the same time, I was still in such a fragile personal state that I had this other force telling me, like, 'No f—g way' that I can do it. 'This is too soon, too soon. Tell them to leave me alone, I need more time.'"

But Dylan kept pushing himself and although he admits there would be times at the gym training for this role he would have a panic attack, with the help of his trainer and having his dad by his side throughout filming, he was able to use this all as fuel for bringing Mitch to life. It also helped that he had the full support of the cast and crew of this movie, especially his co-star Taylor Kitsch, who couldn't help but gush over his co-star when we spoke to him at the screening.

"It was just great [working with Dylan]. He just has energy for days. It's infectious and it was just a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, we get along really well and we both just wanted to make a really entertaining, intense film and I think we did that," Taylor exclusively told J-14. Taylor is forever beloved for his role as Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, but since then, he's played some rather dark characters. And in American Assassin, it doesn't get more intense than his role as Ghost, who is the ultimate villain in the film.

"I loved it, I literally went out to my buddy's ranch in Texas and just built the character from the ground up. That's really what I did, but it's really a story about three guys and how trauma affects each person so differently," Taylor told us about his role as Ghost. "I love playing bad guys. I don't know what that says about me but I'm okay with that. There's always a bit of badness in everybody right? And I get to bring that out in these characters."

But don't worry, IRL, Taylor is the nicest and he actually still lives in Austin, Texas where FNL was filmed. But if you happen to run into the actor, don't expect him to be able to break out THE Riggins voice.

"I don't even think I can do Riggins accent ever again," he said with a laugh.

Hey, at least the show is on Netflix so you can get your Tim fix anytime you want. You can see Dylan and Taylor on-screen together when American Assassin hits theaters on Septemeber 15.

[magzoso-tech]

New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/camp-grounded-digital-detox-returns-after-founders-death/

Camp Grounded Digital Detox returns after founder’s death

Summer camp for adults and beloved tech-free weekend getaway Camp Grounded ground to a halt in 2017. Its big-hearted founder Levi Felix who’d espoused the joys of trading screens for nature walks was tragically killed by brain cancer at just age 32. Left in his wake was mourning community who’d lost their digital detox rally just as everyone was realizing the importance of looking up from their phones.

As an attendee, I’d been impressed by how the founder (known as Professor Fidget Wigglesworth at camp) used playfulness and presence to transport us back to childhood, before we got hooked on the Internet. But he also broke people’s addiction to shame, mandating that anyone who screwed up in a sports game or talent show announce “I’m awesome”, and be met with a cheer from the crowd, “your awesome!”

Attendees compete in camp-wide games

Luckily, one of Felix’s elementary school friends Forest Bronzan wants to write a happier ending to this story. Almost three years after it went into hibernation follow its creator’s death, Bronzan has acquired Camp Grounded and its parent company Digital Detox.

Camp Grounded will relaunch in May 2020 as two back-to-back weekend retreats at Northern California’s gorgeous Camp Mendocino. Attendees will again leave their devices in Tech Check lockers run by hazmat-suit wearing staffers, assume nicknames, and stop the work talk. They’ll get to play in the woods like technology never existed, indulging in Camp Grounded favorites from archery to arts & crafts to bonfire singalongs about enthusiastic consent. However, to simplify logistics, Camp Grounded won’t hold sessions in New York, North Carolina, or Texas any more.

The company will also organize more four-hour Unplugged Nights in cities around the country where partiers can switch off their phones and make new friends. The idea is to give a broader range of people a taste of the Grounded lifestyle in smaller doses. Those interested in early access to tickets for all of Digital Detox’s events can sign up here.

Camp Grounded’s Tech Check staffers confiscate attendees’ devices upon their arrival. Image Credit: Daniel N. Johnson

Meanwhile, Digital Detox will start a new business of education and certifications for K-12 schools, coaching teachers and parents on how to gently reduce students’ screentime. Schools will pay per student like a Software-As-A-Service model. Through research by a few PhDs, the company will recommend proper rules for using tech in and out of the classroom to minimize distraction, and empathetic penalties for violations.

The obvious question to ask, though, is if Bronzan is just some business guy coming to coin off the anti-tech trend and Felix’s legacy. “I’m not Apple coming in and buying the company. This isn’t a tech acquisition” Bronzan insists at a coffee shop in San Francisco. “I knew Levi before anyone else knew Levi. We went trick-or-treating and played in school band together. I want to the first Digital Detox summit, and brought my company year after year. I’ve been involved from the begginning, seeing Levi’s passion and inspiration.”

Levi Felix and Forest Bronzan (from left) in 1996

Fidget had an innately soothing camp counselor vibe to him that Bronzan doesn’t quite capture. He’d previously built and sold Email Aptitude, a CRM and email agency, not an event or education business. But he truly seems to mean well, and he’s earned the support of Digital Detox’s team.

“My mission was to find someone that was as excited and ferocious as Levi and I were when we started Digital Detox to further it as a movement” says Brooke Dean, Felix’s wife and co-founder. “It was imperative that the person running DD and CG had actually experienced the magic. This person had to be more than a lover of camp and nature, they also needed the hard skills and successful track record of running a company. Forest is stable, business-minded and also finds value in that very unique magic.”

Brooke Deand and Levi Felix (foreground, from left) at Camp Grounded

Bronzan tells me the acquisition includes a cash component (“We’re not talking eight figures”) and a capital investment in the business, both funded by his email company’s exit. Two other individuals and one company had also expressed interest. Dean and Felix’s brother Zev will retain equity in the company, and she’ll stay on the board of directors. The trio are launching the Levi Felix Foundation that will donate money to brain cancer research.

While moving into education might seem like a left turn for Digital Detox after throwing events since 2012, Dean says “Levi was planning on going back to school and was deeply interested in being an academic in this field. We always believed that there needed to be evidence in order to convince the masses that being outside and connecting with other human beings ‘IRL’ is critical to our health and longevity.”

Some alarming stats the organization has already uncovered include:

77% of people check or pretend to check their phone to avoid talking to others

38% feel less connected to their partner or close friend due to cell phone use

Nearly 20% check their phone while having sex

“We want to eventually be the central source of tools on how tech is affecting lives and relationships at all age levels” Bronzan tells me. It’s zeroing in on how compulsive behaviors like endless scrolling increase anxiety and depression, and how parents glued to their devices train children to not be present. The father of two kids under age five, Bronzan knows a weekend at camp in your 20s or 30s is too little too late to seriously address the crisis of fractured attention.

Digital Detox’s new CEO says he’s heartened by the progression of some of Felix’s ideals, as with the Time Well Spent movement. The screentime dashboards launched by tech companies don’t do enough to actually change people’s actions, he says, though “They’re at least making some effort.” Digital Detox plans to launch a comprehensive quiz to determine how addicted you are to your phone, and Bronzan says he’d happily work with tech giants to integrate his company’s research.

On the camp for adults front, we’ve seen Burning Man go mainstream but lose some of what made it special including a lack of cell phone reception. It’s now common to see people on the playa staring at their phones, talking about work, and stressed about the clock — all of which are prohibited at Camp Grounded. Festivals like Coachella seem to get more corporate and less mindful each year. That leaves plenty of open space for Digital Detox to fill with purposeful breaks from the default world.

Bronzan also wants to introduce more surprise and serendipity to the event calendar. Camp Grounded will experiment with a “Mystery Trip” where eight to ten people sign up to be whisked away, only receiving a confidential briefing package the day before they show up. The point is to extract people from their routines where unhealthy habits manifest. Without connectivity, Camp Grounded hopes people will forge new connections in their minds, and with each other.

[alys-gay-parade]

Thank you.

TLDR: My life was very negative for a long time, and between my friends, in-laws, and you guys... I’ve healed. The people tagged don’t have to read any of this, but if you do, I love you guys.

Also, there are some touchy subjects here. It’s basically my life story and it’s not pretty. I’m pretty sure I worded it vaguely enough to avoid any triggers... but still. Tread carefully and proceed with caution.

EDIT: for some reason one of the tags didn’t work, so I fixed it in case the person wanted to see it.

So, lately I’ve been super happy and blissful. Looking at myself in the mirror is no longer a personal horror story. And I’ve come to terms with a lot of things. So, I guess I’ll just tell my life story because I’m a person who overshares a lot.

I guess I should start with why the fact that being able to love myself is a big deal. Ever since I was 8, I’ve had a very negative self-image. That was mainly due to sexual abuse that I sustained from my dad. And I harbored that burden and was silent to most people about it, even after it stopped when I was 12 (I really didn’t want to go into foster care. My mom wasn’t working and couldn’t provide for me). I guess to cope with what was happening, I tore myself down in the hopes that I wouldn’t be attractive to anybody. But that backfired, because now I have scars on my arms from my constant picking and self harm, and people still found me cute and beautiful. So the only person who found me ugly was myself.

That in and of itself is fucking awful. But believe it or not, it gets worse. My whole childhood, my parents would split up and get back together in a really unhealthy and abusive cycle. Neither of them were really in the right ever, but dad was always the worse of two evils. He would beat her and threaten her and the family, she would rile him up further. A few old friends of mine would be able to confirm this shit because it happened on more than one occasion with friends over. And after mom left for good, dad turned his verbal, mental, and emotional abuse toward me. He even went so far as to threaten to kill Brian, my wonderful husband, because dad’s a giant fuckface and loved to make me cry.

When I eventually moved in with Brian, I was... extremely depressed and anxious. Every little thing would trigger something, whether it was paranoia, somebody raising their voice, being called useless... I was a really fucked up person. There was no “normal” for me. I eventually got a job, but had to quit three months in for a lot of reasons. Mainly it wasn’t being able to afford the commute with my very low hours, but the other part was just being so upset that I would lose focus. I couldn’t function, and only Brian and a few close friends knew why.

Now, I came out to my family about the abuse a few months ago, and basically, the whole clan turned on him. Obviously. There’s no statute of limitations in my state, but I just really didn’t want to dredge it all up with a court case or anything. So my mother, being the saint she is, forced my dad to pay restitution. In the mean time, he’s somewhere in Oregon seeking therapy while randomly sending me money under my grandmother’s name. I could care less if he pays or not, I just don’t want to ever see his face again.

My oldest brother has two daughters, but the real kicker was that he hated mom. He called me right after I had mom spread the word and asked if it was true. Compare that to my middle brother, who came over to my house as soon as he could and the first thing he did was hug the fuck out of me and apologize for not knowing.

The other night, I had an epiphany. When my oldest brother found out that what mom said was true, that probably flipped his whole world view upside down. He grew up on dad’s side for the most part. He probably repressed a lot of things and bought into all of dad’s brainwashing, so when i confirmed “yeah, it happened”, I probably broke him. Because he went silent for a while before his normally pacifist ass got really, really angry. Understandably.

There are other things I wonder, like what my dad’s family thinks. And what his father, my Papa, would have thought if he were still here. None of them have tried to contact me.

I was still very depressed after coming out about all of it. I had no idea why, seeing as getting closure should make me feel better. Probably because 2016 was the worst fucking year and a lot of drama was going on everywhere. But then 2017 started, and I started feeling better...

I began to draw a lot more, love old games that I’d long forgotten in my hazy, destroyed childhood, began writing and feeling like I’ve improved . I started to talk to some of you guys, and open myself up. And the other day, I caught my reflection in a window and thought genuinely to myself for the first time in over a decade “Wow, Alyssa... you look... good.” My scars are no longer a reason to hate myself, but a reminder that I survived the darkest part of my life. And now I’m getting ready to go to a specialty college for something that I love. And in a way... it’s thanks to you.

I’m going to list the people who deserve this thank you. There are more, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

@jaykay-senpai - my wonderful husband, who has spent almost seven years supporting me through my troubles.

@actual-iggy - an irl friend who’s gone from a quiet freshman to one of the most refreshingly frustrating challenges in my life (just kidding, I love you)

@vapedolphin - another irl friend who serves as a voice of reason and a source of wisdom beyond her years. Truly the greatest friend on the planet <3

@memyselfandyoutube - Every time you comment on one of my fics, it urges me to continue and improve. I wouldn’t be as proud of my current works without you.

@ectink - We met on shamchat and had a really dumb billford rp, but I eventually got comfortable enough to talk to you about my personal life somehow. Also, in case you didn’t already know, you are officially my little brother and you can literally talk to me about anything. <3<3

@mistely - you and I have only recently started talking, but I think our awkward and attempted conversations were what kicked me out of my depressed stupor. You’re genuinely a good person and I’d love to get to know you more.

[sheminecrafts]

Camp Grounded Digital Detox returns after founder’s death

Summer camp for adults and beloved tech-free weekend getaway Camp Grounded ground to a halt in 2017. Its big-hearted founder Levi Felix who’d espoused the joys of trading screens for nature walks was tragically killed by brain cancer at just age 32. Left in his wake was mourning community who’d lost their digital detox rally just as everyone was realizing the importance of looking up from their phones.

As an attendee, I’d been impressed by how the founder (known as Professor Fidget Wigglesworth at camp) used playfulness and presence to transport us back to childhood, before we got hooked on the Internet. But he also broke people’s addiction to shame, mandating that anyone who screwed up in a sports game or talent show announce “I’m awesome”, and be met with a cheer from the crowd, “your awesome!”

Attendees compete in camp-wide games

Luckily, one of Felix’s elementary school friends Forest Bronzan wants to write a happier ending to this story. Almost three years after it went into hibernation follow its creator’s death, Bronzan has acquired Camp Grounded and its parent company Digital Detox .

Camp Grounded will relaunch in May 2020 as two back-to-back weekend retreats at Northern California’s gorgeous Camp Mendocino. Attendees will again leave their devices in Tech Check lockers run by hazmat-suit wearing staffers, assume nicknames, and stop the work talk. They’ll get to play in the woods like technology never existed, indulging in Camp Grounded favorites from archery to arts & crafts to bonfire singalongs about enthusiastic consent. However, to simplify logistics, Camp Grounded won’t hold sessions in New York, North Carolina, or Texas any more.

The company will also organize more four-hour Unplugged Nights in cities around the country where partiers can switch off their phones and make new friends. The idea is to give a broader range of people a taste of the Grounded lifestyle in smaller doses. Those interested in early access to tickets for all of Digital Detox’s events can sign up here.

Camp Grounded’s Tech Check staffers confiscate attendees’ devices upon their arrival. Image Credit: Daniel N. Johnson

Meanwhile, Digital Detox will start a new business of education and certifications for K-12 schools, coaching teachers and parents on how to gently reduce students’ screentime. Schools will pay per student like a Software-As-A-Service model. Through research by a few PhDs, the company will recommend proper rules for using tech in and out of the classroom to minimize distraction, and empathetic penalties for violations.

The obvious question to ask, though, is if Bronzan is just some business guy coming to coin off the anti-tech trend and Felix’s legacy. “I’m not Apple coming in and buying the company. This isn’t a tech acquisition” Bronzan insists at a coffee shop in San Francisco. “I knew Levi before anyone else knew Levi. We went trick-or-treating and played in school band together. I want to the first Digital Detox summit, and brought my company year after year. I’ve been involved from the begginning, seeing Levi’s passion and inspiration.”

Levi Felix and Forest Bronzan (from left) in 1996

Fidget had an innately soothing camp counselor vibe to him that Bronzan doesn’t quite capture. He’d previously built and sold Email Aptitude, a CRM and email agency, not an event or education business. But he truly seems to mean well, and he’s earned the support of Digital Detox’s team.

“My mission was to find someone that was as excited and ferocious as Levi and I were when we started Digital Detox to further it as a movement” says Brooke Dean, Felix’s wife and co-founder. “It was imperative that the person running DD and CG had actually experienced the magic. This person had to be more than a lover of camp and nature, they also needed the hard skills and successful track record of running a company. Forest is stable, business-minded and also finds value in that very unique magic.”

Brooke Deand and Levi Felix (foreground, from left) at Camp Grounded

Bronzan tells me the acquisition includes a cash component (“We’re not talking eight figures”) and a capital investment in the business, both funded by his email company’s exit. Two other individuals and one company had also expressed interest. Dean and Felix’s brother Zev will retain equity in the company, and she’ll stay on the board of directors. The trio are launching the Levi Felix Foundation that will donate money to brain cancer research.

While moving into education might seem like a left turn for Digital Detox after throwing events since 2012, Dean says “Levi was planning on going back to school and was deeply interested in being an academic in this field. We always believed that there needed to be evidence in order to convince the masses that being outside and connecting with other human beings ‘IRL’ is critical to our health and longevity.”

Some alarming stats the organization has already uncovered include:

77% of people check or pretend to check their phone to avoid talking to others

38% feel less connected to their partner or close friend due to cell phone use

Nearly 20% check their phone while having sex

“We want to eventually be the central source of tools on how tech is affecting lives and relationships at all age levels” Bronzan tells me. It’s zeroing in on how compulsive behaviors like endless scrolling increase anxiety and depression, and how parents glued to their devices train children to not be present. The father of two kids under age five, Bronzan knows a weekend at camp in your 20s or 30s is too little too late to seriously address the crisis of fractured attention.

Digital Detox’s new CEO says he’s heartened by the progression of some of Felix’s ideals, as with the Time Well Spent movement. The screentime dashboards launched by tech companies don’t do enough to actually change people’s actions, he says, though “They’re at least making some effort.” Digital Detox plans to launch a comprehensive quiz to determine how addicted you are to your phone, and Bronzan says he’d happily work with tech giants to integrate his company’s research.

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  On the camp for adults front, we’ve seen Burning Man go mainstream but lose some of what made it special including a lack of cell phone reception. It’s now common to see people on the playa staring at their phones, talking about work, and stressed about the clock — all of which are prohibited at Camp Grounded. Festivals like Coachella seem to get more corporate and less mindful each year. That leaves plenty of open space for Digital Detox to fill with purposeful breaks from the default world.

Bronzan also wants to introduce more surprise and serendipity to the event calendar. Camp Grounded will experiment with a “Mystery Trip” where eight to ten people sign up to be whisked away, only receiving a confidential briefing package the day before they show up. The point is to extract people from their routines where unhealthy habits manifest. Without connectivity, Camp Grounded hopes people will forge new connections in their minds, and with each other.

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