#we love problematique women here

[asleepinawell]

so maybe she girlbossed a little too close to the sun but who can blame her

[punkeropercyjackson]

Zutara arguments be like

Dadko is canon therefore Momtara should be too(Zuko being the Team Dad of the Gaang was a sign of character development by healing his inner child and breaking the cycle of abuse while Mom Friend Katara is a compulsive trauma induced trait she's always talking about hating and wanting to be just a kid)

Aang is too immature for Katara so Zuko is better fit for her(See above)

Katara can only like brown guys(Jet and Haru)as a stepping stone to Zuko or it's #problematique and not real interracial rep

They used to hate eachother so it's destiny

Red x blue and sun x moon(Symbolism with zero in-universe romantic connecations and afaik not common irl ones either)

Zuko is a boy and Katara is a girl=Opposites attract because complimentary

"Ugh i wish i didn't try to get oppressed for saying Zuko is STRAIGHT,i hate you STUPID GAYS"

Mai is a girl with the same personality as Zuko and this means she's abusive because REAL girls don't bite back or have non-quirky emotions

"Aang sexually assaulted Katara by kissing her and her and Zuko have repressed sexual feelings for eachother-No i am not a pedophile for refusing to not associate children with sex,why are you such an abuse apologist omg!!!"

Katara was a teenage anarchist with a gnc bf who was previously her first ever and also best friend instead of Zuko's rebellious gf he taught to truly understand him and to not judge a person just by their actions and beliefs but rather how much they fit into beauty standards and how hard their childhood was so the entire Atla crew are self-inserters who hate women

Calling Korrasami forced pandering bs and Asami a badly written character who's inherently colorist and overhyped in the fandom

Completely ignoring Ty Luko both as the most supported non-canon Zuko ship in-text and as a fandom rarepair so they can say every Zutara anti just has internalized misogyny while also being revolted by Aang's femininity and multigender/transfem egg hcs for him and even Zuko ironically enough despite claiming to love them for being 'a female fantasy'

"I'm [insert non native american/indigenous type of poc here] and i had crush on Zuko SO WE WERE ALL ROBBED!WHY DOES EVERYBODY CALL ME A COLONIZER APOLOGIST,ALL I SAID WAS KAT IS A CUTER NAME THAN KATARA!"

[dancing-to-architecture]

37 - Muse - Black Holes and Revelations (2006)

As Mellon Collie was to high school, this album was to college/post-college. I have some pretty distinct mentors of driving around Bloomington-Normal with this album cranked.

Here's hoping it doesn't also emotionally devastate me!

Take a Bow-

i believe in every single word of this song, unironically.

Incredibly violent things need to happen to every single one of the terrible people in power.

Starlight-

I will never understand the fear some people have of alien life, and i can day with zero hesitation that if they offered me a way off this rock, i would take it.

Supermassive Black Hole-

(Because the girl he's talking about really, REALLY sucks.)

Fun fact: a girl i was seeing at the time wanted to sing this one with me at karaoke.

That relationship didn't work out for a wonderful and complicated variety of terrible reasons with a whole cast of characters at fault.

...I didn't see the irony in her song choice for quite some time.

Map of the Problematique-

"I can't get it right since i met you"

Yeah, i already talked about the bad relationship this album is associated with in my brain, let's not belabor the point.

Soldier's Poem-

(If it's not scrawled in Sharpie on a latrine wall, is it REALLY a "soldier's poem"? Just saying.)

So, this album came out in 2006. The US invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan ended with a spectacular plop in 2021, but even in 2006 anyone who was paying attention knew that we were just wasting lives, money, influence, and time on some horrible bullshit that George W only did to make his daddy smile.

I defy any soldier not to resonate with the lyrics, here.

"How could you send us so far away from home?

When you know damn well that this is wrong

-

There's no justice in this world

And there never was."

Invincible-

Please, please, let all of this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair. They may kill some of us, but they know that they can't kill all of us.

Question is: will you die on your feet, or on your knees?

Assassin-

Okay, see, i was worried about this album putting me down a bad mental rabbit hole regarding one of the worst breakups in my life, but I'm starting to think this album might actually be why I'm an anarchist.

I'm still eternally amazed that in a nation that has so many crazies and so many guns, we haven't had that many political assassinations, all things said and done.

I guess the right-wing psycho spree killers nowadays go after softer targets... like schools.

Exo-politics-

The recent drippings of military disclosure about UAP (unexplained aerial phenomena) still makes me feel like it's an op.

At the risk of sounding like a crazy myself, yeah, i would bet that there's stuff our government knows regarding alien life, but they have to sit on it because "releasing evidence that destroys the very concept of all organized human religions" might be a Bad Thing.

•City of Delusion-

"Destroy this city of delusion

And break these walls down

And i will avenge

And justify my reasons with your blood

You will not rest or settle for less

Until you guzzle and squander what's left

Do not deny

That you live and let die."

Eat. The. Rich.

•Hoodoo-

"I've had recurring nightmares that i was loved for who I am

And missed the opportunity to be a better man."

Yeah, i get that.

•Knights of Cydonia-

Honestly this one always just brings me back to one of the better party nights I can remember, me and a few buddies from college (two of whom are now openly living as trans women and ladies, i love you both and miss the hell out of ya) drinking and playing guitar hero 2 until we developed what we referred to as "the twisted claw" trying to get through this and Metallica's "One" on hard/expert.

Any other thing i might derive from this song is simply overwhelmed by that memory, though "Don't waste your time or time will waste you." is one hell of a great line and the video is incredible and should be watched.

•Glorious-

Wait, where did this come from? Knights was the last song on the album, wasn't it? Oh, it's on the Japanese release. Okay.

The guitar kicks ass on this one, the climbing chords just go on and on..

Has a big "there will be fighting, but i assure you, it will be worth it" vibe, but honestly i think Knights is the better album-closer.

Gotta say, it's pretty nice anticipating a swath of emotional trauma and instead ending this album fired up, ready to lace up my combat boots and kick the shit out of a fascist, while also pretty depressed that they called what's happening over fifteen years ago.

Favorite Track: Knights of Cydonia forever

Least Favorite Track: Supermassive Black Hole and all the bad feelings associated with it.

[silenthillmutual]

top five movies of all time ?

Metropolis (1927, dir. Fritz Lang) is one of the films i saw in a film class in undergrad and i just looooved it. old as hell science fiction my beloved. i think a lot about pathologic & metropolis shared themes of how the mediator between the head & the hands must be the heart, etc etc etc. anyway it's long for a silent film but so good imo.

Carrie (1976 dir. Brian De Palma) i don't even see Carrie as a horror movie i see it as #girlpower film. revenge flick. i love seeing her inflict pain on all the people in her life that pushed her into a corner like that. the novella's not bad but the film is a classic to me.

Akira (1988, dir. Katsuhiro Otomo) kept coming up in suggestions for foreign flicks and i decided to read the manga first. binged the series in a week and watched the film... it's such a good adaptation because it was directed by the mangaka even though it leaves out so much worldbuilding i still love it. i have the soundtrack on vinyl.

The Edukators (2007, dir. Hans Weingartner) is actually the only one i'm putting on this list that i need to rewatch and see how i feel about it but this is something else i watched for a film class and became obsessed with. mostly putting it on my fave films rotation because i think more people should watch it. group of anticapitalists breaking into rich peoples' houses to rearrange their furniture and leave threatening messages. i'm not saying we should do this i am NOT.

Get Out (2017, dir. Jordan Peele) after i watched this i was like okay actually this should have won the Oscar (no hate to the Shape of Water i loved that one too) but the pacing in Get Out is so perfect, the amount of foreshadowing is so good. it really made me think differently about horror movies because i never thought of them being so direct before in terms of like, social critique. one of those 'you can just do that?' moments.

picking favorites is always soooooo hard because they just rotate in my head... also not sure how much movies that i would have said before really hold up. like i was obsessed w Slumdog Millionaire in high school but i'm not sur ehow i'd feel about it looking back... and then there's the problematique films like Silence of the Lambs and my love-hate relationship with Rebel Without a Cause... yeah... i also need to go out and find more movies directed by women to put on here honestly bc this is severely lacking

ty for the question btw<3

[chdarling]

Definitely feel free to ignore this and I know JKR has messed up a lot and it’s impt to critique that but I just. Feel like i am constantly hearing in the hp/marauders fandom how JKR did things “by accident” or just “didn’t notice” what she was creating and I have to say, I’ve never heard this get said about male writers. It just smacks of very ~how to suppress women’s writing vibes and belittle the genius of women authors. Like yes she’s problematique now but JKR revolutionized children’s and YA literature…HP did that. Idk it just really feels like misogynistic undertones to me how quickly the fandom is ready to dismiss the creativity, brilliance, and wonder of the series’ author in a way that i never see happen in any of my fandoms where it’s a male creator….just random thoughts that make me sad, don’t mean to stir fandom drama. Love TLE1 and 2, thanks for everything!

Oh, let me clarify: I definitely don’t think she created the Marauders by accident. At all. They are a hugely important backstory to the main plot line and, in my personal opinion, a lot of the heart and tragedy of the series. The interplay between characters, the doomed plot, the friendship…it’s my favorite thing about the stories and I think it’s incredible writing. My whole fanfic is firmly rooted in canon (or at least, I’m trying), so I have a lot of respect for the world she created and the talent that she used in creating it. I’m just piggybacking here.

That said, I do think James Potter’s development in particular was ignored in the canon, and I do think a lot of the James that has sprung up in fanon is, well, fanon that was definitely drawn from all the bits and pieces we get in the books, but never fully realized in the actual story. He just kind of gets the shaft in the books. That’s just my personal opinion, and not an indictment of the whole story. And honestly — he wasn’t a hugely important character to the main plot of the series, so I do understand why we didn’t get a whole book about JP’s exploits or Jily’s get-together. 😂

Look, I have really conflicted feelings about JKR. She was my childhood hero, HP was my escape as a queer kid in a hellishly homophobic environment, and frankly is still my escape as a stressed out adult. These books inspired me to write. I have a lot of love for the story. I also have a lot of hurt related to it — as I think a lot of fans do in 2021.

And sometimes I do feel defensive about it because there’s a lot of negative piling on to the HP fandom these days — I for one get super frustrated when I see those “actually HP was always bad and you’re dumb for liking it” posts, because imho that’s the coward’s way out, and it’s revisionist history. The stories were a genuine cultural phenomenon that got tons of kids to read AND ALSO the author has done some real shitty things. These things can both be true and in my opinion, the latter doesn’t erase the former. It complicates it. So my intention is never to act like HP is no good or happened by accident. I don’t believe that at all.

As far as the criticism being because she’s a woman — honestly I can definitely understand why you’d feel that way because I have definitely seen a lot of misogyny thrown in alongside genuine and important criticism. It sucks and it’s gross and it takes away from the genuine discussion of the harm that she’s doing.

But I am in general very critical of the things I love, which is mostly because the creators of the things I love have let me down a lot. I’m a big believer in never meet your heroes, but sadly all my heroes got Twitter. 🙄 I mostly talk about HP on this blog because that’s kind of my thing right now, but I promise I am just as critical of men. I adore pretty much all the shows in the OG whedon-verse (yeah, even dollhouse) and I will rip Joss Whedon to absolute shreds if given half a chance, for instance. Please hold for my ten page essay on how all the best bits of Buffy happened despite Joss’s best efforts…😤

Anyway, my post about James was just meant to be fairly flippant. 😅 I don’t generally wander into JKR discourse because I don’t have much to contribute other than: She wrote an amazing story with amazing characters that I will always love and will always be grateful to have grown up with and also she is doing active harm in the world that hurts me, hurts my friends, and (imho) goes against a lot of the messaging in her books. It sucks.

(Also, I am very much no JKR or any wildly successful published writer (obviously) but I have had people comment pointing out these really deep and beautiful connections between different scenes that I totally didn’t do on purpose. 😂 so I think it probably does happen sometimes where things writers don’t intend take on a life of their own. I doubt JKR ever imagined when she started writing that Harry’s dead dad would have his own fan base and a discord devoted exclusively to his romance with Harry’s dead mum but here we are.)

Lots of love ❤️

[marypickfords]

re this review, something we’ve been talking about and something i’ve even discussed here it’s this thing we have where we expect more from women (artists, any woman) because we are supposed to know better or something when we are, or should be, fully aware that one single person does not make a movie, that there are so many factors involving the production & distribution of  a movie. maybe i’ve always been naive, but getting into exploitation films opened my eyes to this whole thing, about producer intervention, how movies get all kinds of scenes inserted and or cut depending on the distribuitor it gets, the different ads it gets, how they change titles, posters, all of it affects the way people see the movie and it all makes the movie be a total different thing from what it started. anyway i’m going off track here, but yes, expectations, we tend to expect so much more from women when they are either directing a movie, writing it, producing it or even acting on it. because we know better, because women should say no to this, should change that etc. also note i’m mainly talking about white women bc those are the ones that get more opportunities to do those things. years ago when i watched the love witch (not by a white woman, but it was the movie that got me thinkin) and felt rather cold after it i had a loooong talk with myself about expectations, about the concessions i make for movies made by white men 50 years ago and the things i can let go and the things i cant. in the end i decided that i’m always glad that women get to tell their stories even if i don’t totally vibe with them (and today i tend to get into them a lot more than when that first happened). i do have a bias as do all of us, but even when some story doesn’t touch me i’m always glad that women can make boring movies too (i’m not calling any of the mentioned movies boring though, just speaking generally!!).. just wish that those didn’t have to carry such a heavy weight. black christmas 2019 bombing in the box office wouldn’t mean anything if it was by some dude directing his first movie bc that’s normal, then he’d go on to direct a few more movies bc that’s what happens, but it bombing meant distribution was cut in certain countries which means even less money earned and it is an even heavier weight on the backs of the people behind the project. fucking sucks. i always keep in mind that movies are the result of so many factors and so many people are behind them and i try to appreciate efforts especially when they seem to come from a genuine place. i alwaysssssss think of this review when a movie by a woman doesn’t quite work for me because it’s what i genuinely feel lmfao

anyway. when it comes to horror by women now more than ever women are expected to make a movie For women that Represents women and it cant have any flaws but it also has to shout out feminism but then it cant be a feminist film (if theres such a thing) bc it will alienate the bros watching it and i think that’s something that turns me off because sometimes women b wanting to make a movie you know. it’s tiring how you are always representing something or a group of people or beliefs and you can’t afford to fail or you’re box office poison and get a bunch of annoying dudes trashing your movie on a blue website. you’ll get that either way bc film fans be like that. which is why i appreciate when an effort is made regardless... in the 70s women would have to partner with men to make their exploitation/horror movies or just go straight to exploitation and make their softcore movies to get $$. those are as problematique as they can be and i vibe with them so hard, and funny enough a lot of men do too, but because those were movies made with men in mind since that was what the distributors were targetting. today we are more aware than ever that women b watching horror and so when a movie caters to that dudes feel so very uncomfortable. you can watch a rape revenge movie made in the 70s with explicit scenes but if such a movie is made today by a woman where it is a bit more tasteful you get a wave of complaints. i really try to check myself for shit like this, it’s so insidious. sometimes something just plain doesnt work for you and that is fine, but a lot of the time we let so many things influence us and how we perceive these movies.. it’s really hard. i try my hardest to forget everything which is why i either watch movies nobody cares about or wait ages to watch something new so my brain has wiped out any expectations skldfm but it’s hard man!!!!!!!

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.

15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.

15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?

15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.

15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!

15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.

Fail episodes (in chronological order):

15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.

15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!

15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.

15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.

15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.

15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.

Mediocre mentions:

Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode

Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.

Honorable mentions:

I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.

Winchester-dumb, new household term.

”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.

I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.

Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.

Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.

Obviously Misha Collins

Things that makes you go hmm:

Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.

Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!

Summing up:

So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.

[i-was-a-teenage-eldritch-horror]

You don't have to reply to this but I was wondering yoir opinion if shinji is gay or not. I firmly belive he has a seemed internalized hatred of women coming from the fact he can't find any satisfaction which leads to him using women for his own gain. The only tiek we see him with women is sexually never romantically and he never looks like hes enjoying it?

Full disclosure before I say anything else: I’m a lesbian. I am not bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, etc. I have never identified as any of these and therefore do not have experience with these communities and their specific thoughts on eva and Shinji specifically. Also I read your other ask too, just so you know!

Shinji is not a character that I care a whole lot about. I don’t really have a solid “take” on Shinji’s sexuality other than that he’s clearly a mlm and not cishet. That said, if I had to pick an identity for Shinji I’d say that ultimately I think he’s gay and with enough introspection he’d realize that. 

I agree with your point that every time Shinji’s in A Situation™ with a girl/woman, he never seems to enjoy it mentally. He feels some turmoil regarding the hospital scene (though to be clear I think Asuka’s trauma resulting from his actions should be emphasized over Shinji’s turmoil from actions he was 100% in control of), and tells Misato to not touch him in Episode 23. It’s also important to recognize that gay men are in no way exempt from misogyny, because after all...they’re men. 

All this being said, gay Shinji isn’t really the hill I want to die on. As long as you’re (general you) not shipping him with adults, Asuka, Rei, or Mari, then I have no beef with you (general you); there aren’t any girls you can ship him with that wouldn’t make for a #Problematique ship, unless you count Hikari. People who solidly interpret Shinji as bi or m-spec generally aren’t shipping him with girls, they’re mostly shipping kawoshin or other m/m ships such as toshin or kenshin. The people who are doing the problematic shipping 99% of the time think Shinji’s straight and perpetuate homophobic/biphobic rhetoric and erasure surrounding Episode 24 (see: Evageeks and r/ Evangelion), and those are the people I have beef with.

I reblogged a post here recently from thevriscourse (sorry for homestucking in 2020) which basically sums up my thoughts. I don’t like when people cite the hospital scene as evidence of Shinji’s bisexuality. Every instance of attraction he shows to women and girls in the anime is rooted in misogyny and objectification. This isn’t to say that bi men can’t be misogynists because after all...they’re still men, but I hope you get what I’m trying to articulate.

I have a lot of distaste for certain types of kawoshin content but as you said in your second ask, kawoshin itself is a conversation for another time. 

I recognize this was long-winded and I’m sorry for that! I do think it’s possible he has internalized homophobia (the amount of times he’s berated for not meeting the expectations of the male gender role could suggest that/spur those feelings in him). I would love for my mlm followers to weigh in on this discussion because I’m not a mlm! 

[terfslying]

All longanon answers:

also why does nobody care that gc men/radfems talk positively about intersex issues FOR THEIR OWN SAKE not just to confuse people about sex. Some of us have CAH or AIS, PAIS. 2nd, a GC opinion: men want uteri & to go by she? Go for it. I think it's reactionary, & I'll be open about that, but it's not my choice. But pushing lines like "lesbians like dick, afab-exclusive=fetish" is WRONG. My family has already brought up transdick as a gotcha. Too few of yall care about fallout for gnc/gay people.

Not sure if this is out of order however: “afab-exclusive = fetish” is wrong, it’s not a view I support, and I agree there’s fallout for gay people, so why are you telling me off for pushing it when I don’t?

where do I see lesbians like dick? everywhere. Not explicitly here, though implied with referencing that some lesbians might like no-op transwomen. You are carving out a niche balanced view, and I appreciate that. Don't pretend like it's the majority of the trans/nb community, or the liberal or leftist take on things.

Why are you talking to me as if I am speaking for the entire liberal or leftist ‘take’? You’re talking to me, you get my viewpoint.

there's a lot more going on with ‘erase women’s anatomy and oppression’ than I even have knowledge of. But for me some big ones: it's no longer women's reproductive justice. It's pregnant people, despite us all knowing damn well the intersection between our potential reproductive system and how woman has meant (still means) property too often. Femininity isn't social control, it's fun! It's expression, medically necessary, a part of womanhood. Rapes/assault being covered up.

“Pregnant people” vs “pregnant women” is important in medical contexts to prevent female people being denied medical care on account of not being ‘women’. It also makes self-help resources more inclusive for gnc female people.

“Femininity isn’t social control, it’s fun!” - femininity is social control for female people. Non-female people practicing femininity are literally breaking their prescribed gender roles and undermining the patriarchy.

“Rapes/assault being covered up” - specific examples?

And I'm sorry but I've seen some of the same trans-activist people in threads you're on, who you interact with positively, say shit like "anyway terfs die". Now, maybe someone they perceive as a terf has threatened them. Someone I know to be trans has threatened me. Is it ok for me to go online and say "TRAs, die"? Ofc not. So you tell me you call hateful TRAs out equal to calling out terfs, and I have doubts. Perhaps you could title your blog Terfs and Misogynist TRAs lying, and work on that.

I like how manipulatively you have phrased, “someone they perceive as a terf” vs. “someone I know to be trans”. I’ve also seen hundreds of TERFs online post shit like “Trannies die”, and had death threats personally from people I KNOW to be TERFs. Both sides behave like shit in that sense, and both sides feel like they are on the defensive. The only way to end that nonsense is to STOP participating in “well they do _____ so it’s okay for me to do _______”. But guess what? I’m also not the Tumblr police. Do you personally check the blog history of every person you interact with on Tumblr to ensure they’ve never said anything Problematique? Because I don’t, sorry.

re: erasing women's oppression, there's also a deliberate attempt to chuck out all the shit from the 70s you apparently hate. God forbid we misgender a rapist, or "cancel" any man for misogyny, but reading even excerpts from old radical feminists? Heresy, evil, invaders. Quite fucking honestly, I'll look into the history, but this calling some women political lesbian and thus dead to us thing has all sorts of potential as antifeminist slander. Especially if men think they can talk on it.

I’m talking about actual events in the 70’s that set up the trans-discourse-in-lesbian-spaces-non-stop situation, not whatever shit you’re talking about here.

Also, I have literally done readings and annotations of many radical feminist texts on this site. Stop using me as a puppet to argue with every person you’ve ever thought was a TRA.

I’m also curious if when you became "ex-" radfem, does this mean you also became against being critical of porn and critical of the sex industry? Note - critical of the INDUSTRY and culture, as in the corporations and bosses, pimps, traffickers, johns, and the academics, "art", and media who cover it as queer or fun or sexy or a good way to pay off student loans... not the workers or the prostituted (i'm differentiating here based on a spectrum of how much autonomy and liberty is retained)

No, it doesn’t mean that. I’ve said before - I am pro sex-worker and believe in evidence based rules for helping women in that situation, which means no Nordic system, but I don’t believe that you can ‘manage’ any sex workers in a brothel-type situation without it being dangerous.

I also am passionately opposed to all kinds of trafficking and slavery for personal reasons, and that obviously includes people trafficked for sex work.

at the end of the day I'm still just like... why can't women who love cis and trans women (or men who love cis and trans men) just say you're bi and that's your preference? Why does gay and lesbian have to always theoretically be flexible? It's obviously used against us, in a biased manner (again, does anyone really expect and go after straight people to be flexible?) ... and is it really worth it? Is temporary relief of a social construct borne pain worth it?

It’s not for ‘relief of a social construct borne pain’ - it’s just to accurately describe myself.

Because I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. I exist in my city’s lesbian society, as a lesbian who dates lesbians. Then later, I became trans-inclusive. ‘Lesbian’ has to be flexible because human beings are flexible.

[leupagus]

“No,” Poe repeats, decisive. “Everyone you date turns out to be a spy, or possessed, or something.” from this part to whenever you want to stop :P

I’ll actually start a little earlier: 

“Don’t you like me?” he asks, and he hates how he sounds, hates it.

One of my betas—I think it was spatz—advised me to cut the line I’d originally written for this scene, which was... I can’t even remember now, actually, but I can never read that line without being grateful that she told me to change it. Betas are the best, guys, don’t ever forget it.

“I do,” Luke says, taking both of Poe’s hands and clasping them in his. “I like you tremendously, Poe. You’re a wonderful young man.” He hesitates. “And you are very, very young.”

YES HE IS. I get a fair amount of shit for this moment, and perhaps deservedly so, since the correct thing in this day and age is definitely not to hold hands with the child in your bed offering his virginity to you. But this was a tricky moment that needed to be shown as one where Luke was turning him down, but entirely from Poe’s perspective—with all of his internal biases interpreting Luke’s behavior in the most optimistic way possible.

“I’m sixteen years old,” Poe points out. “I’m not a child anymore.”

lolllllllll

Luke smiles at him. “You’re right.”

And legally, this is true; age of consent on Yavin is 16. But Luke has many, MANY reasons to say no, even if he was attracted to Poe (which, as we see later, at this time he very much was not), and so the legality of the situation has never really been a factor. It was important for me to show that not only will Luke do illegal things that are moral—something he’s shown doing in canon pretty frequently, and are intended to be lauded and praiseworthy—but he also refuses to do perfectly legal things that are, to him, immoral. This is something less flashy, but equally important.

“Then why not?”

I wanted Poe to sound as whiny as possible here and I think I succeeded.

“Would you believe me if I said I was seeing someone?” he asks, like it’s just occurred to him.

It was really fun to write a scene where Luke is trying to lie, because he’s just SO BAD AT IT ALL THE TIME EVERYWHERE. Like, he doesn’t even lie here, he asks if his lie will be believed. Just like... it’s such a good thing he’s an all-powerful Jedi because kid is dumber than rocks. 

“No,” Poe scoffs, before he can stop himself.

Just because 16 is technically of age doesn’t mean he’s not a twerpy teenager still.

Luke looks offended. “I could be.”

I mean, could he though.

“No,” Poe repeats, decisive. “Everyone you date turns out to be a spy, or possessed, or something.”

This is a blatant and gleeful rip-off of the Extended Universe books, which in addition to being of...varying quality, also feature Luke with a looooooooooong string of love interests that are spies, or possessed, or something. There’s one woman from like, a warrior clan, who takes him as her husband because she thinks he’ll breed well or something? I am unclear on the specifics, but Luke seems to fall dick-first into a LOT of shenaniganery in the EU. (Although apparently very little action occurred, which may account for a lot of his attitude tbh.) And from a practical standpoint, the tales of Luke Skywalker, Dating Disaster would definitely be page 6 type gossip, if only amongst academy kids.

“I’ll have you know my last girlfriend was very nice.”

Looking back I can’t remember which on this references—probably not Mara, let’s be real.

Privately, Poe thinks it’s just a matter of time before they find out she was really a Sith lord or an evil goddess. “And the one before that?”

Both women who at one point were positioned as love interests. Just saying.

Now Luke is looking uncomfortable, and he lets go of Poe’s hands to lean back in the chair. “Poe,” he sighs.

This was an important moment for me, even though again it is Tres Problematique and I accept censure for that, but I wanted Luke to forget for a moment that he was the Grown-Up In The Room Saving A Young Man From Poor Choices and treat Poe as a friend again. For me, Poe and Luke’s friendship was always more interesting than their romantic or sexual relationship; despite the age difference, they’re equals in many ways, even now, and I wanted Luke’s exasperation with his friend to temporarily override his sense of duty. Which is a bad thing for a person to do, but an interesting thing for a character to do.

“Luke, I’ve been wanting this since—“

Someday Luke is going to hear the end of that sentence and it’s going to horrify him probably.

Luke lunges forward again to clap his hand over his mouth. “For the sake of your mother’s memory and the fact that somewhere out there, your father is probably having a stroke,” he orders, “Don’t finish that sentence.”

Again, showing Luke as a friend rather than an elder here, despite how much you wouldn’t want this kind of conduct in real life, because along with Luke realizing that Poe has HUGELY different ideas about their relationship, this scene is also permanently changing how they relate to each other.

Poe grins, and bites at Luke’s hand. Luke swears and pulls it away. “You don’t have a girlfriend,” Poe tells him. “Or a boyfriend. Or anybody.” Then the implications of that set in. “So — so why don’t you want to—“

It’s telling that Poe a) only thinks Luke wouldn’t sleep with him if he was seeing someone and b) feels that being in a relationship is a reason not to sleep with someone else. B may sound obvious, but Poe is portrayed a lot in fic as someone who just sleeps around and doesn’t care who’s in a relationship, including him. It’s not the characterization I prefer.

“I really can’t have this conversation with you while you’re naked and in my bed,” Luke announces abruptly. He gets up and goes to his closet, pulling open drawers and throwing clothing over his shoulder at Poe’s face. “Get dressed. How did you even get in here?”

This was meant as a funny moment—certainly I can imagine Luke saying this in a really irritated way—but rereading it, I don’t know how many people actually see the humor in Luke being like “STOP BEING NAKED” at Poe. I have been frequently told that my sense of humor wrt this fic is mega bad.

None of Poe’s friends would appreciate getting involved in this. “I’ve got talents,” he says, and pulls on a soft grey shirt and the worn brown trousers in his lap. He has a sudden pang of longing for the stark all-black getup Luke used to wear, instead of the neutral colors he favors now. The hard-on has mostly gone away — getting slapped by a pair of pants will do that — so he risks looking up to gauge Luke’s reaction.

Poe’s loyalty to his friends is a bedrock part of who he is, so not even Luke could get him to squeal on them. Also of course Poe has something to say about Luke’s fashion choices.

Luke still hasn’t turned around. The line of his back is one long cord under tension, and Poe wonders if he pressed his fingers into the small of his back, softly, if everything in Luke would give way.

This was a fun moment to write, because it’s so clearly unreliable narrator—or just horny narrator—who’s interpreting Luke’s irritation and stress as some kind of secret longing for him. Because of course this asshole thinks he’s irresistible at age 16. Serves him right for falling in love with the only dude in the galaxy who will actually resist him.

But Luke said “Stop,” and so Poe knots his hands behind his back and adds, “I’m dressed. Promise.”

HEY LOOK IT’S POE’S FEELINGS ABOUT CONSENT. With the caveat that of course Poe doesn’t actually have any power in this scene, I wanted to set Poe up as the type who is always about consent, who takes people at their word about boundaries and who tries his best to honor even the unspoken boundaries. Weirdly I’m reminded of the scene where he and Finn fly off of the destroyer and they introduce themselves, and Poe says, “I’m gonna call you finn, is that all right?” 

[dillydedalus]

december reading + top10 of the year

books.

a feast for crows, my main man grrm (#4 asoiaf) tbh i think this one is underrated - i understand feeling a bit underwhelmed on a first read bc it’s so much slower than asos & half the major characters aren’t in it & you get a bunch of new ones instead, but the thematic depth here! brienne seeing the devastation of the riverlands, thinking about outlaws & broken men & vigilante justice, sansa & arya both embarking on their apprentice arc & losing their identity in the process, the political intrigue in dorne, & the fucking hilarious shitshow that is cersei’s kings landing.... love it. 4.5/5

herkunft, saša stanišić (audio, sadly abridged) really good memoir/reflection about belonging, origin (national, ethnic, linguistic, familial, emotional), family, and living in germany as a refugee.  it’s really smart, really heartfelt, really funny, and i’m sooo annoyed that my library only has the abridged version. oh yeah it won the german book prize shortly after peter ‘serbian war criminals’ #1 fanboy’ handke won the nobel prize, which was nice. 4/5

a brief history of seven killings, marlon james (uni) marlon james probably laughed his ass off at calling this 700-page book (very small print) a brief history. anyway, this is about the attempted assassination of bob marley in the 70s, the cultural and political context in jamaica at the time, and the fallout of that event. honestly, reading this on a tight schedule for uni was just wrong for this book bc i had to rush thru it & ended up skimming quite a bit. it’s an impressive achievement, but i can’t say i enjoyed it very much. 3/5

she would be king, wayétu moore a magical realist story about the foundation of liberia, told thru three characters - an indigenous woman, an ex-slave from the us, and a mixed-race jamaican - all of whom have magical abilities. i really wanted to like this, but while there are a lot of good ideas, structurally this is kind of a mess (the first part, which introduces the characters is way too long & not very interesting, the connection between the three is supposed to be super significant but it really doesn’t come across, one character gets way more page time than the others), the writing is occasionally p awkward, and there is an odd thing where the narrator (kinda a ghost, kinda the wind) intrudes literally only to call one of the characters her darling or whatever & it’s irritating af. 2.5/5

a dance with dragons, grrm (#5 asoiaf) tbh this is by far my least favourite of the series.... it’s just way too long, a bit of a slog (especially the tyrion chapters...) & there is not a single sansa chapter which is fucked up. a lot of the storylines are really good tho (jon, THEON, asha, jaime...). i ended up liking the parts i used to dislike a bit more this time around tho if i ever read it again i will probably do the combined affc+adwd read bc that sounds fun & interesting. 4/5

the sellout, paul beatty (uni) smart & pretty funny satire about the idea of a post-racial america, in which a black man in the LA region tries to segregate the local community. there’s a lot of cool stuff in here and i really liked the ambiguity & refusal to present any clear-cut answers, solutions, or closure. 3/5

tamburlaine must die, louise welsh fun little novella about the last days of kit marlow, which made for an entertaining 2 hours altho the ending is pretty weak imo & the language slips into entirely too modern occasionally. kinda disappointed because based on the blurb i’d assumed that tamburlaine actually, literally came to life out of marlow’s plays which. is not the case. but would have been super cool. 2/5

radiance, grace draven not to reveal how profoundly problematique i am: this is a book about a human noblewoman entering into an arranged political marriage with a dude from the off-brand dark-elves dynasty & it is. way too wholesome, there is little angst, ildiko & brishen get along very well from the start & like, where’s the fear, the tension, the delicious, delicious ANGST?? 2.5/5

water shall refuse them, lucie mcknight hardy atmospheric witchy folk horror set in a small village in wales during the '76 heat wave - narrator nif’s family comes to live in a cottage there to take some time off after the accidental drowning of nif’s younger sister - the mother is consumed by grief and guilt, the father is trying to hold everyone together, and nif is constructing a witchy creed out of bird eggs and bones and magical thinking to cope, comparing weird witchy practices with local outsider mally. i liked this & altho i saw the twist coming miles away, it still makes for a pretty disturbing ending, and the way the book evokes the dizzy blurry heat and nif’s state of mind - detached, angry, confused, compulsive - is really effective. 3.5/5

a knight of the seven kingdoms, george r.r. martin dunk! is! babey! (except for moments where he displays staggering BDE) anyway these are three novellas set about 100 years pre-asoiaf, about dunk/duncan the tall & his squire, egg/aegon, the OG secret targaryen. the stories are wholesome, funny, cute, have a lot of dunk being a true knight but not a real knight which is extra-sweet when you realise that he’s almost definitely true-but-not-real knight brienne’s (great?)grandpapa. 4.5/5

my cousin rachel, daphne du maurier philip ashley, our narrator, really is like ‘hmmm have i been misogynistic yet today?? better get on that’, he’s awful & so is his older cousin ambrose, who marries distant cousin rachel in florence & then gets ill and dies, making phil rather suspicious about rachel. did rachel poison ambrose? is she trying to seduce and/or poison philip? or are they both just paranoid assholes who hate women (they def. hate women)? this is some good psychological thriller type stuff, what we can construct out of philip’s distorted view of rachel is intriguing (and like, if she poisoned ambrose? #goodforher), the narrator is an ass but well-written, and the first/last lines.... chills. 3.5/5

top 10 of the year (no rereads!)

antigonick, anne carson

a canticle for leibowitz, walter m. miller

dedalus, chris mccabe

the complete maus, art spiegelman

the artificial silk girl, irmgard keun

o caledonia, elspeth barker

the sparrow, mary doria russell

sleep of the righteous, wolfgang hilbig

how to survive a plague, david france

rain wild chronicles, robin hobb

(the last three are kinda randomly picked from the high-4s based on my mood in the moment but they’re all really good so.)

[clothestop]

Hi, I'm not sure if this will be weird to ask but i've read that you have a math degree and knows how to code so i hope you can give me some advice regarding my career choice. If that's okay. Tbh i'm still not sure if i should take up computer science or pure mathematics. Math is my favorite subject in school and the more i study college-level theoretical math, the more i realize that i would want to do this professionally.

But i also considered computer science because i’m weighing the employability of both majors and i know that i could get a more stable job with comp sci. I’m so confused i’m sorry if my ask doesn’t make much sense but i have so many questions. May i ask what age did you start coding? And like my dilemma, i’m wondering why you went with pure mathematics and didn’t take up computer science. What put you off? Also, how did you start coding/ what made you start learning how to code? Did you take up comp sci classes? I’m a 17 yr old girl heading to university next fall but i just started learning how to code last year so i feel a bit left out. I’m really enjoying it so far but thinking of a possible career with it, i’m also scared as a woc in that kind of field. This may sound silly but like what the tumblr saying goes: i don’t want to be a sell out while i work for something i love. Lastly, i know that even if i’m still a beginner and there are a lot more things that i could learn in university. But in the meantime to prepare for that, what advice can you give to someone like me who is a beginner (words of encouragement, pros and cons, skills to develop etc etc)? Btw i’ve read that you lived in Southeast asian countries and i’m from SE asia currently living in the US so i relate to what i’ve been reading in your blog. Thank you for reading and sorry for

Hello there! No worries, I didn’t think that your ask is weird. And ofc, I’m more than glad to give you my advice :)

Well, I started with basic coding at around 12 or 11, eventually studied it extensively and moved to more complicated programming languages when I was 15 or 16—but I was already in uni during that time (uhm, yes I was younger than most of my peers). I play games a lot, and when I was younger, I dreamt of developing my own video game or website. And as a kid, you wouldn’t be surprised that I even thought of using my knowledge of coding with making cool stuffs™ like robots haha. To be honest, I wasn’t “put off” of taking up Computer Science; it’s just that my head had always been gravitating towards Pure Mathematics ever since. However, I admit that I did fancy taking up that degree because I was opting for another major that would *complement* my Pure Mathematics track, since my mum initially wanted me to have a degree that is “lucrative” to her standards. Basically, even if I didn’t end up pursuing Computer Science, we met at a compromise with me double majoring in Pure Mathematics and an applied maths major which relies on heavy programming as well. Despite being good at maths in school, programming was unarguably one of the most difficult things that I’ve studied. Not to mention that at the beginning, I was self-taught. After uni, I became more serious with my self-study, and even took up few short courses in Computer Sciences just because I’m really interested with it. Never considered to pursue it professionally, though.

If you look at the macro statistics of how students perform in different subjects, Singapore, Hong Kong, South Korea, Taiwan, Japan and China (particularly Shanghai) has always ranked really high in maths and sciences. Yet, until recently, most of the technological breakthroughs are happening in the West.. Or perhaps, most technological advancements that happened in Asia (mind you, not only in East Asian and Southeast Asian countries) weren’t relatively discussed and/or recognized in a global scale during the past few years. Furthermore, living in Caucasian-dominated countries, I know that minorities would always have to go through the eye of a needle to have our voices heard and our efforts recognized and properly credited; otherwise the achievements we had produced would never see the light of day, or worse, People in the Position of Power™ would take credit for what we worked hard for. (Disclaimer: I don’t live in the US)

Additionally, two years ago, reports disclosed by large tech companies like Google and Facebook show that females make up less than 20% of technical employees. Unfortunately this figure drops to single digits for the larger tech community. But you shouldn’t be fazed with these facts. Yes, this is a sad reality but we can do something to change the system. At present, females working in most industries (not just in tech companies. Believe me *sighs*) should work twice as hard as a man to get to the same place, and it was made into a norm that we should just be prepared to do that. Thus, at least eventually in the tech sector, the more girls who learn how to code, the less unequal it would get. If you think about it, apps and websites like Instagram and Facebook (and uh well, Tumblr) have a wide female user base. And I truly believe that women need to be part of the voice in creating this technology to serve the users more effectively.

Yes I’m Southeast Asian as well currently living in a Caucasian-dominated country (again, not the US). But I lived in different Asian countries, so I also understand how tech startups in these regions lament the lack of local talent. Universities produce graduates who are well-versed in computer science, yet the latter go after paths that only require an understanding of programming languages suited for banking and finance. Conversely, startups use something much different and more modern—something that tech companies want to see more of. Moreover, a few years ago, tech giants like Microsoft, Facebook, and SAP appealed to the European Union education ministers to tackle skills gap in information and communications technology, saying that an estimated 900,000 jobs in Europe would be left unfilled by 2020 if not addressed. The UK has since implemented computing into the national curriculum. Again, Tumblr Politics™ could make an asinine analogy of this to Destroy Capitalism™, but the reality dictates that we need this to achieve growth in the foreseeable future. (Another disclaimer: I’m very much against classism and capitalism, but I can be level-headed as well to understand the global economic and political atmosphere that we live in. Less whining, more tangible actions to abolish these systems.)

Correct me if I’m wrong (this could easily be googled), but from what I’ve read, the average salary for a good fresh graduate programmer in the Silicon Valley is around 100,000 USD. So you can verify that this is indeed an in-demand job. But I definitely agree with your outlook as well. I quit my last job despite the high pay, advantageous position, connections and opportunities in the corporate ladder™ because I lost my passion and felt like I no longer learn something of value from it. I felt like I was just a small cog of a devious capitalistic machine, operating at an auto-pilot, and can never make an actual difference to society (contrary, I felt like I was actually working against it D:). BUT! Please. Please. Please. Never fully absorb everything you read in this hellsite as a clear reflection of how the world works. Always take everything you read with a grain of salt, because despite of the positive things we could see and the amazing people we could meet here, Tumblr is a very, very problematique™ place to take inspiration from. Of course I’m not generalizing, but sadly, some people here (despite their charisma and very persuasive convictions) proclaim revolutionary™ ideologies that only promote hateful agendas. Thus, even though I would always believe that money should never supersede passion, I also understand that the system is working against us and that it wouldn’t be as easy as we imagine it to be. So, I always seek to find balance in every decision that I make. It would also help to have a concrete plan of how you would like to see yourself in a few years (I know it sounds cliché, but I promise it’ll help), and to choose to work for a company that you know would create progressive measures to aid society as a whole, and would promote sustainable growth for the planet and the human race. Sorry if that sounds so cheesy and pretentious, but I mean it. I would like to think that that wouldn’t make us corporate sellouts™, rather, we are dreamers trying to survive and thrive in this very demanding society. [Hmm. To be honest I think corporate sellouts are the ones who exploit the society, and trample over others just to achieve their goals. Soulless creatures, I tellss ya. But yeah, maybe tumblr SJW vocabulary made another revolutionary™ breakthrough.]

That said, I know that you are already in the right track. And even though you seem to be in a dilemma, I could see that you’re geared towards computer science already :) Both maths and programming are your passions, and I’m glad that you discovered that at an early age. Don’t be afraid to take the leap. And if later on you realize that perhaps the degree you pursued wasn’t where your heart is, I can only assure you that you are not the first and last person who would feel this way—and that’s perfectly okay. Lots of people end up in jobs that are radically different from what they took up in uni, and they excel and feel really satisfied in those fields. And there are others who eventually go back to school to fulfill the academic approach that they had missed. Whatever happens, don’t be afraid to troubleshoot and start again. Don’t think that you had a late start on coding. I’m in my late 20s and I know that I still have a lot more to learn—not just with programming—and that really excites me. Remember, formal education isn’t the only place where we could learn and harness our skills. We’re so lucky to have lived in this digital age where everything could be presented to us with just a click or a tap of a button, so we should take advantage of that.

My last advice to you is to master BOTH the technical and creative skills needed in this science, both of which are essential to be a good programmer—bridging the technical side of coding with the creativity to solve problems. I know I still have a long way to go, but somehow, I think I could consider myself as someone who already has a good foundation and an in-depth knowledge of programming. This skill is something that does not only aid me in my career, but it also helps me with problem solving and thinking about issues structurally. With coding, I can solve problems and think of multiple solutions for the same problem, and can see the pros and cons for each solution. Further, I’m able to challenge my own assumptions in all of these solutions. However, like I’ve said, I don’t think that programming is something that I could do professionally. Despite excelling in the technical side of it, I believe that in this industry, the creative ability of a programmer is the one that is highly sought after. I totally concur that one should never underestimate how HARD programming is, and I guess that’s the beauty and challenge of this discipline. I know that I have the dedication and patience for this skill, but even if I master the complexities and technical skills needed in programming, admittedly, I still lack the creative elegance that I see in a professional programmer. But I hope that you could find the equilibrium in these factors and excel on them.

It will never be my intention to discourage you, on the contrary, I hope that with these information, you could objectively weigh the reality of the field that you would get yourself into. Which is why I’m glad that you did your research because it shows how serious and passionate you are to take time in educating yourself with these details. More importantly, I hope that you could talk to someone you look up to and trust in real life, because choosing a career is a serious life-changing decision. But feel free to DM me if you want to add or discuss something else :)

Thank you for your question, gotshineboc. I really hope that this could help you out. Very best of luck!