#we were all out of our fucking minds shipping them at 14 when their ship name was literally violate

[mondstalgia]

BL ships that I will never forget:

In a few weeks it's gonna be 14 years of obsessing over queer media, especially BL, so here are the ships always on my mind in no particular order.

Arata & Shingyouji (Takumi-kun Series 4: Pure, 2010): Listen the Takumi-kun Series from 2007 to like 2011 was my life as a (pre-)teen. In hindsight really sketchy but anyway haha. Those two really caught my eye back then though (especially their racy kisses) and I was happy they got their own bigger part in one of the movies.

Evan & Isak (Skam Season 3, 2016): Was there a queer European teen that wasn't obsessed with this season of Skam? I remember re-watching it so many times I could recite their text without speaking Norwegian. Plenty of beautiful Skam universe parallel couples out there but these two will remain the iconic blueprint.

ChenAi (Kiseki: Dear to me, 2023): Almost unfair to put them on here but seeing how I haven't been able to think about any other ship every single day for the last 3 months, I feel like it's justified. They just have everything I want and need to get hyperfixated on.

Seiryo & Yuzuru (Seven Days, 2015): Oh my, the way I loved this silly concept and how funny it was yet they managed to get me all emotionally involved in the span of two movies? Insane chemistry and just..everything I needed back then. Especially since it was then one of the very few BL's I saw without a sad ending.

KornKnock (Bad Romance 2016, Together With Me 2017 - 2018): Listen, plot wise Manner of Death is the absolute height to me but when it comes to MaxTul I will never forget them as Korn and Knock in these series. Forever grateful to all the fanvids that led me to finding my BL fathers. Chemistry forever out of this world. Also shout out to Yiwha, best female character in any BL and my wife.

WinTeam (Until We Meet Again 2019, Between Us 2023): The couple that made me aware of what second lead syndrome was because I waited so long for more of them, it felt eternal. I don't think I will ever get tired of these two.

VegasPete (KinnPorsche, 2022): Who said I couldn't like a toxic ship? These two took me by surprise, I didnt even know they were going to be a ship in the series. Definitely acknowledging how fucked up they are yet at the same time it's the forst toxic ship that really got me. I love them, in my own weird way.

HaoGu (HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, 2019): I mourned them like I have mourned no other couple. I should have known from the title but they really lead me astray. My beautiful boys, the star crossed lovers. They still get me emotional now, I might go cry now.

Hira & Kiyoi (Utsukushii Kare, 2021 - 2023): Before ChenAi there were Hira and Kiyoi who absolutely owned my heart. I love how misunderstood by BL fans they were who claimed their toxicity. Meanwhile I simply love how weird their relationship is and getting to see a real Tsundere in action. I'm obsessed with them.

Honourable Mention: Kim Jae Wook as Min Sun Woo in Antique Bakery, 2008. The very first gay character I saw in Korean media. Forever iconic, forever in my heart.

[coping-via-clint-eastwood]

*siiiiiigh* Soooooo, first of all, I would like to apologise to @jencsi for taking so long to answer the ask. But then of course when I want to answer it, Tumblr has it made it disappear. So anyway I'm posting as a post. This is for the character asks thing. Jen asked all questions for Gil Grissom.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

EVERYTHING???????

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

HOW DO I PICK WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY ANSWERS????????

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

HOW DO I PICK WHEN THERE ARE NO ANSWERS????????

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Sherlock Holmes 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

I know that I'm the resident Linkin Park fan, and I'm all over 9x05, but, LOATR is just about one particular aspect of his life.  It doesn't encapsulate the full depth of him.  And, honestly, that's what I really hope that I captured in my video.  It's basically a marriage proposition to him at this point.  I hope I did the song and him justice.

(I am using Leave Out All the Rest this year though (:  )

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Autistic.  Hearing impaired.  Misanthropic humanist.  I love bugs because of him.  I'm learning to sign because of him.  I got into CSI because I love bioscience.  Ghost/social outcast until we find the right people.  Struggle with emotions and relationships, and ultimately learning to choose love over fear (which is, one again, something I learned from him. If he can do it, so can I. The fact that my role model is a fictional being). Bullied because of being nerdy.  Bullied because of "weirdness" aka autism.  We're uncomfortable around people but care very deeply about them, especially if they're our loved ones.  Honestly a lot of it is the autism and everything that comes with it.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Lemme just say, boy am I glad I am on the we want to fuck that old man website.  Because, at first, I was embarrassed and self-conscious that I was in love with someone much older than me (hence why I love GSR; it gives me so much more confidence), but then as I got into the tumblr fandom I saw that I'm not alone.  So thank you everyone.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

When people hate him overall for the way he treated Sara well in the early seasons.  Like, hello *gestures to his whole development arc*  you see this?  Or were we not watching the same show?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Oh my god it's gonna be so fucking quiet.  For once in our lives we'll have someone who'll actually respect our sensitivity/stimulation needs and not belittle us.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

We're two of a kind.

11. Would you date this character?

I WANNA MARRY HIM!!!!!!!!!

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

His father's name is Arthur, since that's his middle name, and it's not uncommon for catholics to make their first name the middle name of their child.  And irl Billy's dad is named Arthur Edward Petersen, and his brother is Arthur Petersen Jr.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

🐛🐜🐞🦗🪲🕷️

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

GSR

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Someone jokingly tagged a post with [#otp: i have bugs in my office] and while I'm glad it's not an actual ship...yeah I'm glad it's not.  It gave me fucking whiplash.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Grillows.  I'm actually multiship.  I ship GSR, Grillows and Kessom.  I've even been okay roleplaying Grissom/Nick with someone in the past, and I'm also okay with Warrick and Greg being shipped with him.  Hell I even find him being dopey with Teri Miller cute XD

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Catherine.  #brotp: it will play our song forever

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

I wanna say Ecklie but that's like, everything about him

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

If not Cath then Heather XD

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I love loving him.  I write my stories with him with so much love and care.  And I'm proud that my audience say it's obvious how much I love him.

I don't like him being hurt so I never write it.  Like, I'll just say it:  I'm glad it was Nick who got caught in Grave Danger and not Gil.  If it had been him I...I don't know what I would've done.  Even though I'd have known  that he was gonna be fine in the end, during the process I'd break down, no matter how many times I've watched it.  The thought of him being hurt just...I can't say it.  Sorry Nick, I love you too but Gil...Gil is the most special to me.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

I love when people write about his disabilities.  His hearing impairment, how he signs, his experience speaking both English and ASL.  His social and emotional struggles because of his autism.

My dislike would be when people write him as allosexual...  💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Sherlock Holmes

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

First impression:  wow he's so cool and smart and good at science.  I wanna learn from him.

Now:  Will you marry me?

26.  Freebie question.

Extra headcanon:  along with riding a rollercoaster with someone every 9 years and 34 days because that's how old he was when his dad passed, his favourite is the Mosaic because his parents took him on it for his 9th birthday.  Then a month later Arthur kicked the bucket, so Gil likes the memory of his father.

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

All Along the Watchtower (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Captain John Price x Fem!OC (3rd person POV)

Word count: 3K+

Warnings: mentions of violence, human trafficking, morally gray characters, CIA Black missions = shady shit, swearing

Summary: The first flashback chapter for Rory regarding her time in Iraq working operations for the CIA (will tie into the overall story fyi, no ship stuff this chapter)

A/N: Rory Sinclair is a dual citizen (both Canada and the UK) who's been living in the UK since she was 14. She is 28 at the time of this fic, Price is 32. This series is set in 2017 before the events of the first MW game. Rory's thoughts are bold and italicized, other italics are used for emphasis. Will also be available to read on AO3.

2016 - Anbar Province, Iraq / Syrian Border 

“All right, people, you have your orders. This ain’t gonna be pretty. So get your shit on right.”

Rory tried her hardest to ignore the droning voice of Officer Walker, the CIA operative assigned to the squad sitting in the front passenger seat, giving his best military impersonation for the crowd of soldiers jammed together in the armored vehicle. Crammed so tight her shoulders barely had room to bump against her fellow passengers as they drove along the rocky road. They were sardines in a tin can being boiled together on a hot stove – a pressure cooker – and the situation they were about to find themselves in only made it worse. 

“We are fifteen minutes out from the Syrian border. I repeat one - five minutes. This is known home turf for ISIS. We’re expecting heavy resistance. I will remind you all that this is unsanctioned. We are heading into the Black. There will be no questions. There will be no reports. There will be no crying to your mamas on the phone when you get back to base, ‘cause believe me, we’ll be tracking it. That goes for you limey fucks too,” he said with a smirk, looking up into the rearview mirror with his amber eyes. “ God Bless Homeland Security. ”

Walker’s wry smile was enough to turn Rory’s stomach, but she didn’t get to choose her bosses in the middle of warfare. She had to nod her head with a ‘yes, sir’ and a ‘no, sir’ to make her way through this. He might have been American, he might have been CIA, but right now, he was in charge. 

“We are dealing with a serious piece of shit in one Abdullah Al Ghulam, he is our target. I want him kept alive at all costs. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

She said nothing while the other soldiers around her offered their oath of fealty to the man. Instead, Rory kept her head down and her mind focused on the mission. Her mind always had to be on the mission. In situations like these, knowing she was about to see some shit, she did her best to block out the conscience her mother had instilled in her – doing good things for the right people . Out here there was just getting your hands dirty and hoping that it would be for the best, that it paid off in the long run and wouldn’t come back to haunt. The end justifying the means when things went dark like this, Machiavellianism at its very peak. There were no heroes out here, no matter who was patted on the back and awarded medals. 

Across from her Lt. Andrew Owen kept his eyes on her, his blue stare darkened by the brim of his helmet. The corner of his lip curled as he noticed her looking back at him with a ‘can you believe this guy’ flick of her brow, his head shaking slightly in return. He was the second in command of her unit, they seemed to never be too far away from one another, having fought in enough foxholes together to trust that the other had their six, and despite what the mission was expecting to serve them, seeing him there in the vehicle with her did add a certain sense of relative calm to the situation. There was a face in the crowd of strangers that wouldn’t just see her as some waste of space. Andrew knew what she was capable of. All too well . 

As the stream of armored vehicles came to a stop, the soldiers completed their final weapons check as the sun began to fade down into the horizon, streaking the sky in deep orange and red like the hellfire they were about to rain down. Readying their thermal scopes and night vision, making sure their tac gear was strapped on tight, the doors opened, and shadows crept out into the evening. 

Rory swung the strap of her rifle over her head and across her shoulder, looking out at the sky turned purple, the sun nearly completely gone down except for one lingering sliver of light along the horizon line. Pulling down on the goggles that would help lead her into the dark, seeing only in green and black as she marched forward, she followed her Lieutenant into battle. He was quick to give her a bump to the shoulder, that last little bit of comfort from a friend before hitting any possible SNAFUs. 

“You good, Sinclair?” he whispered into the comm.

“Yeah. Same old, same old. Right, Andy?”

Chuckling at the nickname, a smile cracked his otherwise serious face, “Fuck you.”

Tensions were relieved for only a moment, building right back up as boots crunched slowly through the sand and small bits of gravel towards the munitions bunker American intelligence had confirmed the existence of several klicks across the border with the use of drones. It was up to her and the rest of the squad to clear out the guard of enemy combatants, neutralize the weapons, and then collect the intel that would lead to who had actually shipped them in. Weapons didn’t come from nowhere, there was always a trail that led back. 

Silently stalking into the night, radio chatter was kept to an absolute minimum, hand signals being used instead. They’d crossed the border into enemy territory, they were no longer within the boundaries they were meant to maintain, they were in a country they weren’t at war with – not yet anyway. The squad broke up into two units, flanking the building in a pincer movement that would leave the resistance fighting from two opposing directions. Rory was split off with Walker and Lt. Owen, coming in from the rear of the bunker along with several other NATO soldiers of different rank and file, while the others stormed the front with charges to the doors. 

Shock and awe . 

Explosions rang out into the night, flashes of white light sparking from the corner of Rory’s night vision, the heat blurring her view for just a moment. She gripped her rifle a little tighter as they moved forward, heading down towards the opposite entrance of the complex. The heavy doors were locked tight, so C4 was strapped on in order to breach. Flying open along with a blast of sand, the doors were left to creak on their hinges as the soldiers entered before the ringing in their ears could quiet. 

Black figures stormed through the halls lined with flickering fluorescent lights, the sounds of gunshots and yelling echoing as the B squad moved to meet them in the middle. Bullets ripped through the air, bodies falling. This wasn’t a precise operation, a striking opposite from the way Rory usually worked. Shifting from shock to all out bedlam for the enemy, the dead littered the bunker as the force pushed through the halls. They weren’t taking prisoners here, no hostages, this was meant to be a clean sweep except for the target, clearing all rooms of anyone armed or considered dangerous.

Room after room, corridor after corridor, this place seemed to go on forever. Some passages ran tighter than others but would lead into expansive rooms and from them more men would appear, gun spray missing the soldiers as they fired haphazardly. There would only be casualties on one side tonight as the enemy seemed to swarm like insects, wave after wave, protecting what lay at the heart of the labyrinth of tunnels. Cut down as the soldiers expected more to rise from their place. 

Heading down one of the tunnels, it steadily grew darker as Rory’s squad moved away from the main hall. The lamps above glowed with warm, golden light, yet shadows still bloomed against the walls of the corridor. Another heavy steel door blocked their path at the end, and Walker was sure that was the entrance to Abdullah’s private area, sectioned off from everyone else like the queen in a nest. 

Taking point at the door, Walker motioned for one of the other soldiers to come forward with the charges to breach, and the blood in Rory’s ears began to thunder with each pump of her heart, the sweat starting to form on her brow. It didn’t matter how many times she was in a situation like this, how practiced of a routine it had become, she still had that frantic moment just before hell was about to break loose. When the anxious prey animal in her head was set free before the chomping jaws of the wolf would clamp back down again and she’d return to calm. Battle readiness swept over her as the adrenaline spread through her body, keeping her head on a swivel. 

With a massive bang and a gust of rushing air, the door was breached and once more they dove headfirst into the unknown. The darkness dissipated and the lights of sconces on the walls lit their way to Al Ghulam who threw himself down on to his knees without an order, wasting no time in placing his hands behind his head, as if he already knew he wouldn’t be sacrificed despite his crimes. 

Rory’s hawklike gaze travelled over their newly acquired prisoner, surprised to find a man who was still clean cut and wearing a well-tailored shirt and pants and smooth leather boots, despite having been in a bunker for apparently some time, using this as his headquarters. He was a man who still held onto his ties to the West, despite working with terrorist organizations that actively despised the nations that made up its colonial powers. 

Stalking up to the man, Walker grabbed the zip ties from his vest and slapped them around Abdullah’s wrists. “Well shit, you went down easy, huh?”

“Allaenat ealayk." <Arabic: Fuck you.>

“You gonna call me an American pig while you’re at it?” He looked down at the prisoner, his brow raised waiting for an answer, but he was met with only silence. “That’s what I thought. So, Mr. Al Ghulam I think you already know why we’re down here, so why don’t you save us nice people some trouble and lead us to your stash, ‘kay?”

Dark eyes rose to look at the American through a furrowed brow. “There are no weapons here,” he said confidently. 

“You can fuck right off with that bullshit; I know for a fact –”

“You know nothing, fucking CIA.” Abdullah’s eyes scoured the officer with a glare. “You are led by your masters, but you don’t know anything at all.”

Grabbing Abdullah by the collar of his shirt, Walker lifted him to his feet and looked him in the eyes. “I know what I need to. And right now, you’re gonna play your role and lead me to the containers I know you have kept here.”

“Containers yes, but there are no weapons.”

“Sure there aren’t.” Walker shoved the man forward, causing him to stumble as he was pushed past the soldiers. 

Rory’s stare followed him out of the room, focused on Walker and Al Ghulam. Containers, but no weapons – what was that supposed to mean? She looked to her Lieutenant, the question caught on her tongue, but it came through in her furrowed brow. Andrew gave her no answer, he didn’t have any more to go on than she did, but his jaw sat clenched. 

They followed the CIA operative down, further down into the bunker. Metal stairs clanging as the boots of a dozen soldiers stomped upon them. Finally entering a massive room with a large roll up bay door at the end of it. Storage space, a delivery system, this base was well-established. Placed in the middle of the room were six large metal shipping containers and Walker’s eyes went wide at the sight. 

“Alright, people, I want those doors opened. We’re taking inventory and then sweeping for intel.”

Using large bolt cutters, the locks on the containers were removed by the soldiers, but upon opening the doors it brought no peace. There weren’t any weapons as was promised, just as Al Ghulam had said, there was something else. Something that made Rory’s stomach drop and her eyes go wide with horror. 

Inside each container sat women and children. Weeping and starving, treated like cattle. Their clothes dirty, the smell of body odor near unbearable as it wafted throughout the room.

“ Jesus Christ… ” Rory could only speak in a whisper, eyes glued to the sight before her. 

Bolt cutters fell to the cement floor with a heavy bang. Soldiers stood, shocked so quiet they could hear a pin drop. The flashlights of a dozen rifles travelled over the tear-streaked faces of innocent people caught in the crossfire of a war that had been going on for too long. Herded into pens, treated like property, to be sent off to God only knew where. 

She seethed, a deep-seated anger in her making her blood run cold. Violence she’d seen and dealt with, able to manage it and push it down to where it no longer kept her up at night. Such abhorrent behavior towards human lives however, that was something she couldn’t shut out. Her gut twisted, the stoic exterior breaking as her mouth hung open and her eyes began to sting. 

Children and women reached out towards the soldiers, seeing their captor pushed to his knees and a gag shoved in his mouth. They thought the forces were there to save them and it broke Rory’s heart. They weren’t heroes, they weren’t here to save the day, if Walker had his way these civilians would likely be left here for some clean-up crew to deal with. Lives didn’t matter, just having the upper hand in the fight did. 

Walker stood, his hand pressed to Al Ghulam’s shoulder as he forced the man to stay on his knees, but his face never seemed to change. Even as his amber eyes travelled over the countless faces that sat before him, the sickening sight had little effect on the man who had filled his life with secrets, lies, and deception, all to keep the power imbalance for the empire of America going strong. 

“What the fuck is this?” Rory looked to Walker, her lips drawn back in a snarl. “What the fuck is this, Walker? I thought we were coming down here for weapons.”

“Yeah, we were. Intel was wrong,” he said with a shrug.

“How did no one know about this?” She tossed her arm out towards the half dozen steel cargo containers filled with women and children. 

“Calm down, soldier. You think in an active war zone we got the time to be looking for missing persons? You think that’s what we’re here for? You think we give a shit about that? We are fighting terrorists, we are not the fucking UN,” Walker snapped.

Rory took off her helmet and held onto it by the straps, stabbing her tongue into her cheek if only to compose herself. “I think that whatever the fuck this asshole has going on –” Her attention turned to the man on his knees currently bound and gagged before her eyes darted back to Walker. “It’s a lot worse than whatever you or anyone else has been led to believe.”

The CIA officer stared her down, his face growing harder as he glared at her from under his brow. Unmoved by her compassion for humanity, he had a job to do and she was hindering those efforts. 

“Don’t go pulling any heroics, Sinclair,” Andrew hissed, grabbing her arm and pulling her closer to him until he could talk low enough for only her to hear. “We don’t need to go any deeper than this. This is above our paygrade already. We’re just here to shoot, remember ?” His glare stabbed into her as if to caution her next move. “I'd like to keep it that way.”

Her brow knit together, her jaw tightening ever still. It was like she was the only one who could see what was happening, the only one with clarity of mind to know that something monstrous was going on here and it sunk deep into the bowels of things. There was an unseen side to war, and she had yet to have gotten a stomach for it. “There are women and children locked up in steel boxes like cargo. I don’t care if this isn’t the weapon shipment we were sent in for. You think I'm going to turn a blind eye to that?”

“I think we shouldn’t push our CIA friend.”

It was a warning. Andrew had been around this block more times than she, he knew how bad things could get, but still she couldn’t understand how he wouldn’t object to what was happening here. “ Andy ?” She was taken aback by her Lieutenant’s sudden willful withdrawal of his conscience. They were at war, weapons were something she expected, a human trafficking ring was not on her list of things to discover in a bunker.

“Listen to me, Rory. We let Officer Walker do what he needs to with our target, and you and I stay quiet. Do you understand me, Sergeant?” Rory’s eyes drifted away from Andrew and back over to Walker, still holding onto Abdullah like a hostage before Lieutenant Owen grabbed her arm and brought her attention back to him as her superior. “There’s a reason the CIA wants him kept alive when it would be so easy to just put a bullet in his head. I’d prefer not to be privy to all that. Clear?”

“Rog’,” she said sullenly.

“Good. Now then let’s say we help Officer Walker here find a private room where he can hold a discussion with Mr. Al Ghulam. The sooner we can get out of here, the better.”

Rory nodded, her face sunken into a scowl. She hated being beholden to a law that didn’t even truly exist, a shadow of the rule of justice that was meant to be carried out, where war crimes and human rights violations were swept under the rug so long as the right hands were greased and information could be swapped between hands. It was dirty, stained in red, and going into the black meant it would never come to light. 

[epersonae]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @yerbamansa, thanks!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

169 😅 150 of which are for The Adventure Zone (I wrote a LOT of small fic for TAZ, and just a lot of TAZ fic in general)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

604,338, which remains absolutely wild to me. I hit the half-million mark this year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Our Flag Means Death, but previously The Adventure Zone, and I have one Star Trek (TOS movies) fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sea of Love (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (6,697 words)

Phoenix Fire (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (2,031 words)

Commit to the Bit (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (2,471 words)

Dinner & Conversation (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (826 words)

I have begun to long for you (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (4,185 words)

Yeah, ok, some fun reunion porn for the big fandom and a collab with two pretty popular writers for the small fandom make sense for that top two in particular.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, especially since I don't get that many, and I love getting comments so much that I just want to share my appreciation. Sometimes the spoons are low, sometimes I don't know what to say except "thanks!" and if someone just commented on several chapters I might not do that for all of them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Phoenix Fire is the Worst Ending, aka the destruction of the entire universe, plus unbearably sad between the main characters, so yeah.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I do have quite a bit of fluffy fic (Commit to the Bit comes to mind, there's also a Fantasy Costco Kravitz/Taako that's very sweet), but I immediately thought of for the benefit of all the broken hearts, just because it takes an incredibly bittersweet ending of the fic it's fixing and says FUCK THAT, how can everyone get a happy ending instead?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've never gotten any, even managed to avoid the twitter wank that WFU got when I wrote fics of it! (long ago, I did get some vagueblogging about some stuff in my TAZ fic, but nothing ever addressed directly at me)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

That is where I started and why I started (my first smutty fic is pretty bad imho but it was popular, relatively speaking, because for a bit there it was the only unlocked smut for that pairing); my original rarepair was M/F bi4bi in a complicated polycule, and so there's some them+others works in there. (readers of for the benefit of all the broken hearts are nodding along like "ok this tracks") beyond that, I'm just going to say go look at my work.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Is for the benefit of all the broken hearts (and the rest of that series) a crossover??????? Like I'm legitimately staring into space thinking about the boundary line between modern AU and RPF and........ HUH.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

DO PEOPLE DO THAT

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

183 thousand words in a series: the only life you could save, with my beloved Ryn, when we were "just friends" - started as our attempt to co-write a reconciliation between Taako and Lucretia, and spun out into an entire timeline with themes spanning before the Stolen Century all the way into post-canon. Some pieces we wrote separately, much of it we wrote together. Even the last piece, which I published after Ryn died, includes a section that they wrote, about Taako trying to cope with Lucretia's death.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Probably Mulder/Scully lol, tho I don't know if I've ever read any fic of them????

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of my very first TAZ fics was a Hurley/Sloane backstory fic that was going to be basically a beat-for-beat retelling of The Fast and the Furious (oh, I guess that's also sort of a crossover?), but I only ever wrote the first chapter. I would love to write it at some point, because I think it would be fun as hell.

I'd also love to finish my TAZ Amnesty fic, sweetness follows, which is friends-to-lovers post-canon Minerva/Duck.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voice, I think. Possibly a stupid depth of canon knowledge for whatever the canon is, and I think I have a knack for figuring out how to reincorporate those details. Honestly, it's hard for me to say "oh these are my strengths and weaknesses", or at least today I'm having trouble pinning that down.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Punctuation Pokemon, or rather, my sentences do get very tangly. I find endings really tricky, I've done a lot of work thinking through how to stick the landing. (This is one of the ways in which Ryn continues to live in my head, because they could always spot when I hadn't quite made it.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Alas my Spanish (high school and college) is too rusty to even try, and I don't know any other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Adventure Zone, although I wrote quite a bit of Agatha Christie pastiche in junior high, and a lot of Anne Rice influenced original fiction in high school and college.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I love a lot of my fic, it's fun to go back and look and say "oh that!", and The Reckoning Arrives is up there, of course, because I loved writing it, and it saved my life. ("she's survived the impossible before" got me out of my marriage and 2 years later got me through the hospital. "you're here, so be here" got me through what came after that.)

But it does have to be for the benefit of all the broken hearts - she lives in my head, still, and I feel incredibly proud of all the work I put into it, the technical work, the emotional work.

---

Not tagging anybody, but PLEASE! if you feel like talking about your writing, do it!

[d--dandelions]

tagged by @chaos-monkeyy and @cordeliaperry for what i didn't initially realise were two separate ask memes 😂 thank you 💛

i'm gonna merge them both into one big list so this is going to be enormous, sorry in advance 😂🙈🙈 edit: it's horrifyingly big, i had to hide it behind the cut for everyone's good

1. when did you post your first ever fanfic?

july of 2020

2. first character you wrote for:

jaskier XD who i have since written. lots. for. 🙈

3. main character(s) you’re currently writing for:

i feel very unequipped to answer this one XD

4. character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan on writing about soon:

....same with this one XD i have a couple of thronebreaker wips and haven't written for that before so let's go with that

5. fandom(s) you’re currently writing for:

picture me looking awkwardly between my quiet ao3 and my tangled jungle of google docs in bafflement

6. platonic pairing(s) you currently write for:

i simply Have Not done that XDD 🙈 i don't tend to read/watch a lot of romance-heavy stuff outside of fanfic and so fic is basically my one outrageously sappy outlet and i take full advantage of that

7. romantic pairing(s) you currently write for:

...see previous fandom question 🙈

8. your top 3 tags on AO3 (if you post your works on AO3):

watersports

omorashi

wetting

can we all just pretend we're shocked? XD

9. your current platform where you post your works

'tis i

10. snippet of the wip you’re currently working on:

oh no, the thing i'm bad at 🙈 have a unpolished bit of radskier from right at the beginning of that free-use fic

He felt loose and liquid. Something in the wine, maybe. Or, more likely, in the time spent beforehand, with Radovid laying him down on the cushioned table and readying him. Loops of soft rope, wrapped to display rather than confine and, finally, a band of thin leather wrapped around the base of his cock, enchanted so his own pleasure didn’t get the better of him too early.

meme the second:

How many works do you have on AO3?

i've got 15

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

47,634

3. What fandoms do you write for?

so far i've only written for the witcher and sga but who knows what the future holds 👀

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

poached, reunion, got you on my mind, hold that thought, distractions

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh absolutely every time!! putting fic out there is vulnerable and terrifying and it means the world to me when someone takes the time to comment 💛 and, having been on the other side of it, i know how nerve-racking it can be to leave a comment 🙈 so even if it takes me ages, i like to say something back and let them know they're appreciated

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god XD maybe this one? i'm a sappy fuck

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

....pretty much all the others XDD due to aforementioned sappy fuckiness

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i don't think so, at least, no one's ever put any where i could see it. i think i tend to fly pretty under the radar in fandom spaces and i normally stay in my nice damp niche

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

fuck yeah 😏😏 although i often lean more into kink than outright smut 🤔 it's all horny shit, which is what counts XD

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i haven't yet!! maybe someday, although i think i lean more fusion than crossover (disclaimer: i have written neither XD)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as i know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

that's another no

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i have not, i'm not sure i'd be any good at that XD

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i have never and could never be able to choose 🙈

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

hmmm, i try to leave my options open and never fully count out a fic 🤔 but there's more than one i kind of lost confidence in and am now too scared to open the google doc for 🙈 sigh

16. What are your writing strengths?

i don't think i can answer that

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i sort of mentioned this before but i think a lack of confidence? sometimes, often, i talk myself out of a fic before i've really given it a try, or i get too bogged down in self-doubt and end up struggling to get any of the actual writing done. double sigh

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

hmm, it's never really come up for me. i would say, unless it's a fictional language or a super common, easily translatable phrase i'd probably avoid outright writing in another language unless i could check it with a native speaker. just in case 🙈

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the witcher <3

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i think i'm a little biased towards my first published fic? just because it was huge for me to finish and post something and i'm still amazed i pulled it off XD🙈🙈

[moonystoast1971]

OVERDRAMATIC JARGYLE GET TOGETHER

(because im an overdramatic person and ship these mfs so hard - also its in the perspective of will)

Will -

We didn’t see it, not even El. If we’d seen it we could’ve warned him, or grabbed him, or killed it, or anything, something. Anything but this. I didn’t even notice when it’d happened, not until I heard him scream. Not Argyle, Jonathan. His scream snapped us all out of our daze, we’d been running, focusing ahead and on nothing else but ahead. I wish he’d never screamed. I could’ve kept running, I could’ve been okay for a few more steps or as okay as I can be while running from demo-dogs. It shouldn’t have hurt this much, i’ve seen so many people come and go, I should be used to it. But, when I looked back and saw Argyle against a wall, demo-dog at his chest, my brother screaming and wielding a metal poll with tears running down his face, something broke. We didn’t notice. Why didn’t we fucking notice?! The second we did, El threw the demo-dog against a wall, crushing in it’s skull. Jonathan didn’t wait, he was on his knees trying to cover the wound. But, where would he cover? Where did it end? Where did it start? Jonathan had his shirt off and was trying to cover the holes in Argyle’s chest. But, it didn’t matter anyway. Jonathan was too preoccupied, too deep into denial to see Argyle was gone. I could see, he wasn’t even blinking. His body stood still, save for the shakes running over his body from Jonathan’s pushes. 

I can’t hear him, he was whispering something while covering Argyle’s chest. I’m not sure I even want to hear him, it might just kill me even more. Steve came over and pulled me into a hug, I didn’t realised I’d been crying till he’d told me to ‘let it out’. I need someone and Steve is trying to be that someone, but I don’t have the time for that, none of us do. I could feel something coming, it’s far off right now but doesn’t mean it won’t catch up eventually. Jonathan’s always been my rock, even when he hadn’t been there much last year, he was still my rock. But, i’ve never been his. It was Mom, then Nancy, now it’s Argyle… or well, it was Argyle. Was he now a was? It doesn’t matter right now, what matters right now is Jonathan needs a rock, so I guess it’s my turn to finally start protecting him.

I steadied my voice, I can’t cry right now, he needs me too much. “John, we gotta go. We can’t stay here, somethings coming.” I said while slowly walking up to him.

“Okay, you’re right. Just help me pick up Argyle, he can’t walk that well right now.” Jonathan spoke softly while trying to pick up Argyle’s lifeless body with urgent yet careful hands. Hadn’t he realised yet?

El came to my side and gripped my arm, whipping at her eyes while watching Jonathan. “Jonathan…” She whispered solemnly. She didn’t have to say anything else, that’s all it took. Jonathan looked up at us, his eyes overflowing. He steadied after stumbling trying to pick up Argyle. He stopped and just stared at us, I said I wouldn’t cry but he looked at me begging me to tell him it was fine, that we were wrong, that it was all a joke and he’d be back in a second.

“Please…” He begged, his voice breaking. He tried pulling Argyle up on more time, before dropping to his knees in front of him. I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around him and promise him we’d wake up from all this, like he used to tell me when we were kids and Dad and Mom were fighting.

Jonathan’s hands held onto Argyle’s face, wiping off the blood and dried tears. “please, please, please,” he kept repeating it, not to us, not to Argyle, but to some crazy outer force that’d save him from this, that’d pick him up and drag him back to last week or better yet 14 years ago, before he’d had the mind to deal with these things.

“Jonathan… we have to go… please…” I whispered trying to lull him away from Argyle, I knew it was no use, he just started repeating it louder and harsher. His hands moved frantically over Argyles clothes, trying to wipe them clean of the burgundy pool that filled it.

“Will, that’s his favourite shirt, he hates dirtying his clothes. Will, we have to clean it. We have to get it off before he wakes up. He won’t like it, Will. He won’t like it.” He cried while trying to wring Argyle’s shirt of blood. “Will, help me!” He screamed, before he went back to mindlessly rambling about his shirt. 

“John, we have to go, please.” I begged lightly pulling on his arm.

“No! He’s not up yet! Can you just wait. Give him a minute.” Jonathan knew he was gone, he just wouldn’t accept it. So, I looked at Steve, giving him a signal I hoped he’d take the right way. And he did. He walked over and started slowly pulling Jonathan away from Argyle. “No! Stop it!” he screamed and kicked against Steve, begging him to leave him be. My brother, begging Steve to just let him stay. My brother, promising Steve that Argyle’d be up in a few minutes. I couldn’t breathe. El couldn’t stand it, she had her face pressed into my chest while holding her hands tightly over her ears, silently begging the world to fix this. Jonathan just kept fighting, punching, screaming, kicking, begging. “Please… please, Steve… please.” He begged, falling still against Steve. El pushed off of me the second he did. She fell to her knees in front of Argyle and grabbed onto his hand, closing her eyes tightly. 

Everything felt silent. The only sound in the room was Jonathan’s sobs. It was deafening. I couldn’t take it. All I could hear were his cries, his whimpers, his whispered begging, his almost silent praying. The silence was broken by a sigh… well more of a scream. I looked up and locked eyes with Jonathan. I watched as my brother ran and fell to his knees in front of a now heaving Argyle. El had stepped back and came back over to me, collapsing into my arms.

Jonathan wrapped his arms around the back of Argyle’s neck, straddling his lap. “I knew it! I fucking told them you were fine! You fucking asshole!” Jonathan’s voice broke as he cried into Argyle’s hair.

“Dude, you’re sitting on me.” Argyle laughed before groaning, clearly still recovering and I don’t think Jonathan’s weight was helping.

“Stop it! No, you’re not allowed to laugh! You can’t- you can’t laugh… it’s not allowed… don’t- don’t laugh… please.” Jonathan went from demanding to begging, all through tears.

“Okay, okay, no laughing, man.” Argyle rested his head against Jonathans, snaking his hands around his waist. “It’s okay, man. You’re okay.” Argyle comforted him.

“It’s not okay! Don’t tell me it’s fucking okay. You died, Argyle!” Jonathan cried clinging to Argyle.

Argyle pushed off him slightly, “Wait- I died?! Man, that’s not fair… I didn’t see any floating glowy dudes.” He said sadly.

Jonathan just stared at him, “Are you serious? That’s what you’re worried about? Floating glowy dudes?!” Jonathan glared at him with tears pooling in his eyes.

“Oh shit do you believe in something else- Floating glowy dudettes?” Argyle questioned, a small smile making its way up. I thought Jonathan would cry again, or yell. But he didn’t, he just laughed. He laughed and pressed his face to Argyle’s cheek, laughing softly while crying.

And then he kissed him.

Wait- he kissed him? I couldn’t believe it, my brother was kissing Argyle? No one even seemed phased? Nancy gasped, Steve smiled, El just quietly clapped her hands together smiling so big, Robin was nodding along as if this was planned. Everyone seemed so normal? How did I never realise? Then again I don’t think Argyle even noticed.

“Wait- You didn’t tell me we were bros that were allowed to kiss?!” He yelled before pulling Jonathan back in again. 

Johnathan laughed, whiping the tears from his cheeks, “You would want to be?” It was both the least and most romantic thing ever, El looked over the moon.

“Dude- If you’d told me before we would’ve been bros who kissed like ages ago.” I won’t pretend I understand any of this, but they both seem happy I guess?

Jonathan just kissed him again, before Argyle pushed him off,

“Dude- My shirts red! I always wanted a red shirt!” Jonathan laughed and kissed his cheek.

[biblicallyaccuratebeskar]

Metal Home

Read Chapter 13 Here

Also on AO3

Chapter 14/22: ~1.5K words

Star-touched

When I became aware of my surroundings, I shot up from my position and immediately slammed my forehead into a low ceiling.

“OW, fucking Maker, what the hell?”

Looking around, now fully conscious (against my will), I realized I was inside a small dwelling, Kuiil’s hut, and I was alone. I froze.

“Din?” I whispered. No response.

“Mando?” I called out louder.

There was a commotion outside. He suddenly appeared in the doorway, nearly diving at me when he saw I was awake.

“You ok?” I asked him as he crouched down next to me.

“Are you?”

The memory of the creature flooded back to me. Oh Maker, what have I done.

I didn’t know how to answer that and instead turned my attention to Kuiil, who was walking in the door.

“Your ship is nearly ready to fly,” he said, pulling up a chair next to us, “and I hear that the desert dragons are flying now, too. That was your doing?”

Din’s gaze was like fire on my skin, intense and all-encompassing. “...yes.” I whispered, voice cracking. I couldn’t even look at him.

“I have heard stories like this. Of your kind.”

“My kind?”

“Yes,” Kuiil said, nodding gravely. “Jedi.”

My mouth dried. No.

“I’m not Jedi.”

I couldn’t be.

——

I wanted to be a Jedi, once.

When I was very young, after my parents went to sleep, I would jump around my room like a maniac, waving around my invisible lightsaber, tucking and rolling, dodging enemy attacks.

The Jedi were heroes in my mind and in the books. Stories of their feats were my favorite to read (even though those were the ones my parents hesitated letting me read the most).

They were just storybook characters to me back then. I wanted to be a hero like them. Fight like them.

That’s when I began teaching myself tactics, putting those long nights of make believe battles to use. My parents never knew that I got pretty good.

When I learned how the Jedi were extinct, how they weren’t all heroes, I reevaluated. Their leadership transitioned too quickly into the Empire for it to be a coincidence. My parents were too quiet about them for it to have been fair.

I gave up on my delusions, but I trained harder, practicing until my body ached to ignore the buzzing in my fingers whenever I thought of their magic.

The Jedi went sour, dying and leaving the Galaxy under a monstrous tyranny. They left me alone to fend for myself, any answers for the question of who I was turned to ash. No storybook heroes.

I wasn’t Jedi.

——

“We can’t stay here for much longer,” I said standing, swaying a bit. “Let me look at the ship, then we should go.”

“I think the Mandalorian can do that,” Kuiil said rising from his tiny chair. “He seems handy enough with a set of tools. You will stay here. I wish to speak to you before you depart.”

Din looked hesitant, but he obliged, giving me one last look before he’d ducked out of the hut.

“For many years of my life I worked for the Empire. I paid off the debts they created and built the life I have now with my own hands, on my own accord,” Kuiil began, looking directly into my eyes. “You and I are both products of powers that believed in themselves too much. The Empire. The Jedi. Even the Rebellion. But we remain while they do not, at least not in their original forms. We were both given the opportunity to use the things we’ve been given to live for ourselves. So, make a life. Running from oneself is a fruitless journey.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“I’m scared,” I said softly.

Kuiil smiled. “Do it anyway.”

——

The Crest had seen better days, but she would fly. I waved to Kuiil as we lifted off, setting course for the nearest densely inhabited system to reload supplies.

Later in the hull, I sat on my bed, huddled up in my blanket like a child as we passed through hyperspace.

The picture of me on that disk was from security footage. Where would we have been that would have had cameras?

I ran though all our recent jobs in my mind, and then I realized. The intel mission. The facility.

The stormtroopers.

I felt nauseous. There was a camera in the control room, there had to be. It saw those troopers fly away from me.

The Empire remnants thought I was Jedi and now they were after me.

“Larkin?”

I jumped. How long had Din been standing there?

“I think I know why I have the bounty on me,” I said.

“It’s because of your...magic powers?”

“They think I’m a Jedi. And I’m not.”

He came over and cautiously sat next to me.

“Kare’tigaanyc.” he spoke.

The phrase tumbled out his mouth, foreign and beautiful. I was taken by surprise. I’d heard him speak various languages on jobs, always amazed at his eloquence and vast knowledge, but I could tell this one was new.

“What is that?” I asked.

“It’s Mando’a. It means star-touched. When I was a boy, they would tell us stories of beings with these powers that could move things with their minds.”

“And you’re saying that’s what I am?”

“Unless you tell me different.”

I looked down at my hands, feeling like a ticking time bomb. Taking a deep breath, I said, “I think I’ve always been this way. Always been...star-touched. But now it’s like it’s waking up. And I can’t stop it.”

My voice wobbled and I finally brought myself to look him in the face.

“Are you scared of me?”

He squared his shoulders with mine.

“Never.”

A warm feeling of relief spread in my chest.

I smiled a bit. “Not even when we’re sparring?”

“No, especially not then.”

I laughed, wiping my eyes. “Oh, come on.”

Our legs were touching and neither of us were pulling away.

“What scares me is knowing you’ve been keeping this to yourself.” I sobered.

“I know. I was just...” My words died on my tongue.

“Figuring it out?”

“Yeah.”

We sat there. I could feel his body heat.

Nudging his leg with mine, I asked, “So, Mando’a?”

“It’s the Mandalorian language,” he responded. “I’ve learned some. There’s not much use in it anymore.”

“What other words do you know?”

He fell quiet, thinking. I swear you could almost hear this man think.

“Cyar’ika,” he finally said.

“What does it mean?”

“Womp rat.”

I snorted. “Nice.”

Before I lost the courage to, I hugged him, hard. It was uncomfortable as hell with all the metal, but I stuck my head in between his helmet and pauldron and it felt right.

He stiffened and I nearly jumped off, but then it’s like he melted, pulling me in to where I almost couldn’t breathe against his chest plate.

“What are we going to do now?” I whispered into his neck.

“Stay together. You and me.”

“You and me,” I repeated.

——

General Gerena Virs stands on the bridge of the Imperial light cruiser the Resolution, observing the stars. Her uniform is crisp and pristine, flaming red hair tied into a neat bun.

“General Virs?”

A voice interrupts her thoughts and she slowly turns, barely banishing the annoyance from her expression.

She sees a young lieutenant in front of her. What was her name? Hala? Hila? Never the matter.

“I’m listening?”

“I have updates on people of interest. Four level ones and our level five.”

“Never mind the children. What of the level five? Vega.”

Larkin Vega. An unexpectedly massive thorn in her side. She’d expected the stunt with the bounty hunters to go off without a hitch, but now that the girl was on the run, she looked like the fool, the one trying to keep up.

“Well,” the lieutenant began, hands fiddling. “We do not have her yet. But, the tracker on their ship was successful. There is nowhere they can go where we don’t know their whereabouts.”

“You do not have Vega yet?”

“Uh, no sir.”

Virs takes a step forward, using her tall stature to her advantage as she looks down on her shivering inferior.

“Do you know, exactly, what we do here lieutenant?”

“Yes sir. This is the Sensitive Individuals Collection Unit. We track down and either capture or terminate Force sensitive individuals who pose a threat to the New Order,” she gulped. “Sir.”

“Then you must understand the gravity of having a level five, very likely a Jedi, running amok in our galaxy?”

“Yes...sir.”

“Then why do you stand here, blubbering to me? Find! Vega!”

“Yes sir!”

Virs once again faces the window, hearing the lieutenant scramble away. Vega was out there among the stars somewhere. And she would be found.

[nugqueensmind]

☠️

don't know if you want to read this. the thoughts in my mind are pretty horrid - probably all lies - but I've got to let them leave my mind somehow.

☠️

13:18

It's been 5 minutes since you said goodnight and I keep going back to see if you'd message. Why am I checking? It's not like you're gonna message me and make me feel better when you're down - who am I kidding?I'm just gonna give you - your space. If you want us I'll see it when I do. As you said actions speak louder than words.

13:25

are you even asleep?

funny how when you were not in Sydney - you stayed up till 3/4 and be up early the next day - now you can barely stay up past 12 - and sleep longer - maybe you're sick - maybe it's other things - maybe it's being in the same place as her - maybe it's me - but our talking times get shorter each day unless I stay up. It's a two way street if you want things to work out with us - you're the one who is in with something else - so it's really on you. I'm the one who's a fool for holding onto someone that's essentially taken - even if you say you want me. that's it maybe it's all just words. just a way for you to be yourself - your true self - because essentially I'm like a dream right? - I'm just there when you want me to be - you think of me when you want to - when I'm not around - you live your life regardless - so if I'm not around it would make a difference. The 7th floor would hurt - would it take my life? Would I be with you nemo? Finally reunited.

I mean even if you felt like shit this morning - I still tried to give you love - I still try to show I care - and I'm in my own mental battles too but you're letting me dig myself deeper in this hole - I don't know if you're gonna get me to come back. Unless I can change my mindset. Bring the happy thoughts of you back. Because right now all I feel is the darkness - the storm - the heartbreak - the pain I've been feeling since September of 2022- nah 2021 when I made the biggest regret of my life - when I fucked up everything - for us - for you & for me - I should've just stayed - I should've believed COVID was going to pass soon enough and I would see you, hold you, kiss you.

I wish you could hold me. I wish I could feel your love. Goddammit all I wanted today was to feel your love but you were in your own rabbit hole because of me. I'm awful. I'm terrible for you. That's all I can think about. For 17 years maybe there's a reason you've always run away or I have. Maybe it's because we may be soulmates but are soulmates meant to be together? I mean you married someone else. because of me essentially. because I left.

13:46

my stomach is grumbling - probably means I should eat something - I don't want to - I don't have an appetite - looking in the fridge - I can't keep focus on the food - all I'm thinking of is how maybe you really don't want me. how maybe I'm not the one. maybe I'm the problem with all my relationships, friendship, family-ships, maybe everything would be better if I wasn't here anymore. Maybe there's a reason I felt like I never knew what I wanted to be, do, maybe that's why I don't care too much about the world around us, maybe I'm not meant to be here. I'm a failure.

13:50

headphones in - full blast.

13:53

checks telegram - no message

check Snapchat - no message

Maybe he is sleeping? He wouldn't lie to you anymore? Or would he?

14:02

He loves you. He does. Just believe it. He was depressed because he thought you left. Believe it Jen. Just believe it. Don't doubt it. He cried about you. Believe it. Just believe it. Why can't I believe it? Why is it so hard? All I know is I love you too much to walk away again - even if it pains me - even if I overthink - even if I'm the other girl - even if this is just some fling.

14:20

oxytocin - Benjamin A.D

14:43

I should get ready for work. I'm so not in the mood to go and put on a fake smile - let's just smoke one more.

14:48

making you cry makes me feel like a bad person. Did you tell your sister about our fight? did you tell your sister why you were depressed? I wonder what you told your wife. I bet that you didn't even let them see your true emotions - probably just hid it all - like you hide me.

15:15

Officially two hours since you went to "bed" if you are sleeping - I hope you're sleeping well - if you're out - well I hope you're not making bad choices. Why am I doubting that you're not asleep? I know you. You're asleep. Right? well regardless, I've been stopping myself from messaging you or sending you photos - not because I don't want to - just because I'm sad. headphones are in until 18:30 and then service begins - I hope it's a quick night - I just wanna go put my hoodie back on and runaway from reality. Ive been switching between my and your playlist. Evidently, I miss you.

15:25

Yep, definitely miss you. I guess that's why I keep going back to adding to this post.

15:33

just went through all your pictures - twice. I miss you. I miss the way you talk to me when we're good. I miss how many times you tell me you love me, miss me, wish I'd be next to you, how I run laps in your mind, how you just send me some of the sexiest pictures.

16:33

X just dropped off flowers because he thought he did something wrong - he doesn't know that I've been distancing myself because of you. Should I give x a chance? But he doesn't make me happy the way that you do? He doesn't give me the butterflies that you do. I love you.

16:43

I miss you.

17:21

I wish I was with you - I wish I was in bed with you right now - I wish I could tuck your hair behind your ear if it was in your face - I wish I could give you little kisses whilst watching you sleep. I wish I could cuddle you. Hug you.

17:44

I don't know if I can keep going. It's all right there. I can end it. Just think about Lani, Jonathon - potentially - Jade, Levi, Joey, Luna, Leila or Jannick - the future you always wanted.

18:08

If you had to choose - between us - who would you choose?

18:36

Take you higher - leisure.

18:47

Lost my head - Jane Good.

19:26

Complete fucked. Of course everyone decides to show up within seconds of eachother.

21:21

I miss you.

22:10

you haven't messaged yet - you said you'd have your cousin's birthday at 9 but I didn't think that meant you wouldn't message - maybe he's with her, maybe he can't, maybe he doesn't want to anymore, maybe he's done with you, maybe he's tired of your overthinking just like everyone else is.

22:22

He's awake - he messaged. Are things weird? Is it just me? Is he distant? Are we just friends now? Is he pulling away? Do I let him? What do I do? How do I act? Do you still love me? He seems weird - distant - cold. Maybe he's just tired. Maybe he slept on it and realized it's too much and doesn't want to deal with you. Maybe I've always been the problem in every situationship/relationship. Maybe he realized all he wanted was a fling with you. Maybe he'll block you again soon. Maybe I'll just end up alone. Maybe he just wanted you around so you could make him feel good since you shower him with compliments.

22:53

I said goodnight - not because I wanted to - but cause I didn't want my mood to rub off on you especially when you have such an important day. She's probably going with you - I wish it was me. It's a family occasion - she's family you're not - face the reality of it.

23:19

You say that you're just busy getting ready but something still feels weird - off. Your replies are different. You've barely snapped. Not even one I love you. Maybe you're distancing yourself from me.

23:41

& you're gone again. and you'll be off doing whatever - probably not even thinking about me. I should just let you go. You clearly don't want me as much as I want you - I mean clearly, you're with her - and I'm just a secret. Here we go again. I wish you could've made me feel your love - but I didn't today.

I guess I'll just go do what you do and sleep - though I know if I sleep in a bad mood - I wake up in a bad mood - nothing can shake this mood right now - not even you apparently - maybe if you actually had time for me - made time for me - choose me. Fuck. I hate my mind.

Headphones on. Full blast.

00:00

I think I'm lost without you. I never thought I loved you this much.

00:25

I hope things will be different tomorrow. I'm still thinking about you. I love you.

[mypoisonedvine]

vignettes of a bond || alpha!bucky barnes x omega!reader

I originally wrote this in two parts for my sleepover but after I realized how long it accidentally became, I've reformatted it, added/changed a few things, and made into a oneshot!

word count: 3.1k

warnings: smut, angst, knotting, violence

June 2nd, 1943, 11:43 p.m., James Barnes’ bedroom

“I wanna do it, before I go,” he whispered against your skin. “But I know it’s wrong. It’s too cruel.”

“No, please,” you whimpered, “I want it. I want your mark.”

Bucky pulled back for a moment and you examined your Alpha’s face carefully, knowing it might be the last time for a long time. “I couldn’t bond to you and then leave you. It wouldn’t be fair… you deserve to find somebody who can stay, and be with you, and protect you.”

“All I want is you,” you whispered. “Please, Alpha… bite me.”

You saw him hesitate for a moment before he leaned in and sucked at your neck, building the anticipation before he finally sunk his teeth into your skin and you cried out, one single tear rolling down your cheek. “Mine,” he growled against your skin as he lapped at the healing wound, “my Omega. Forever.”

“Yours, only yours,” you agreed eagerly.

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had taken you, but that night he really and truly claimed you, left you a desperate begging mess, stretched out over his knot as he filled you over and over.

The next morning, you were still sore between your legs as well as on your new mark, and it took everything in you to be strong as you saw him off at the train station, waving goodbye and praying that your Alpha would return to you soon.

November 9th, 1943, 2:24 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“You promised Bucky you’d take care of me,” you reminded him with a little smile, wiping a tear from your cheek.

“I know,” Steve relented, “but we both know I can’t do that. Not in this state. But maybe I can protect you if I do this. Maybe I can protect my country. I owe it to everyone, especially Bucky, to try.”

You nodded. “But I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. Come see me before I ship out for good, alright?”

“Of course,” you agreed.

December 27th, 1943, 8:32 a.m., your front porch

“You’re lying,” you gasped as you shook your head. “You’re wrong, no, it’s not true.”

“It is,” Steve promised as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m so so sorry, I saw it myself, I had to watch him fall…”

“It’s not true! He’s not dead!”

“I know he loved you so much. He talked about every day, he couldn’t wait to come home to you,” Steve remembered, choking up noticeably. “But he won’t. He’s gone.”

“You don’t understand, I know, okay? I know.”

“You’re in shock, I understand, it’s hard to lose your mate—”

“You’re a beta, you wouldn’t understand,” you dismissed; sure, he looked like an alpha now, but it didn’t make a difference. “Omegas, we know when our Alpha dies, we feel it, it kills us. He’s far away, but he’s still there, I still feel him!”

Steve held you as you sobbed, your body crumpling into his arms. Sometimes you thought maybe he held you too tight on accident because he was still getting used to his new strength; other times you thought he did it on purpose.

February 3rd, 1944, 12:00 p.m., undercover SHIELD facility

“Even when I had nothing, I had Steve,” you recalled shakily, “and now he’s gone too.”

“Is that why you’re volunteering?” Agent Carter asked you. “Because you’d rather sleep for a hundred years than live without your mate and your best friend?”

“I’m volunteering because my mate and my best friend died for SHIELD,” you corrected firmly, “and if I’m not willing to also, then I’m admitting I think they went to waste.”

“Steve told me you didn’t think Bucky was dead,” Peggy remembered.

You winced. “I’m not sure. But I know he’s not coming home again. I came here to give whatever I could to help find him… I was asked to participate in a cryogenics research study. If it helps him, then I’ll do it.”

She was about to get up, apparently satisfied with your final interview, but you stopped her.

“On one condition,” you added. “If James Barnes is found, alive or dead, wake me up to see him.”

She nodded, stepping out of the room and leaving you alone again.

May 8th, 2012, SHIELD headquarters

“Can you hear me?”

You slowly blinked awake, your vision taking a moment to catch up with your mind. You saw tubes coming out of your arms; you saw Steve above you, looking like the day you saw him last.

“Did you find Bucky?” you asked instantly. Why else would they wake you up?

“No,” Steve answered, seemingly a bit disappointed that that was your first and only question.

“Then put me back to sleep,” you demanded.

“It’s been 68 years,” he told you. “You’ve slept for 68 years. It’s time to wake up.”

And you did, more than you ever wanted to, because you realized you couldn’t feel him anymore. Your Alpha was gone. Worse, he probably died while you were asleep; he probably died alone.

One more time, like he had 68 years ago, Steve held you while you sobbed.

August 1st, 2014, 2:11 a.m., Avengers compound, Steve Rogers’ quarters

You ran into Steve’s room barefoot and still in your pajamas, barreling through the door and right into his bed.

“Steve, I feel him!” you rushed.

“What?” he groaned sleepily, looking up at you as he blinked in confusion.

“I feel him again, he’s alive,” you explained. “I know it. He’s weak… he’s hurting… but he’s there.”

“That’s impossible,” Steve shook his head. “It’s been too long, he would’ve died of old age anyways.”

“Don’t you want to believe it? Don’t you want to think he’s out there?”

“Do I want to think he’s alone and I didn’t save him?” Steve hissed. “No, I can’t say that I particularly do!”

“But we still can, Steve, we just have to find h—”

But before you could finish, the feeling left you, and you were just half of something again.

“Oh,” you breathed.

“He’s gone again?” Steve realized.

You nodded, biting your lip as it started to quiver. He sighed and pulled you into a hug. “If I could just see his body, and know it was over,” you whispered, “if I could just bury him, have a funeral…”

“We’ll have one,” Steve decided, “after this mission. We’ll put him to rest. He deserves that, and so do you.”

You nodded into his shoulder. It shattered you into a million pieces but it was still the better option, to try to let him go in whatever small way you could. He would always, always, always be your Alpha, nothing could change that, but a funeral would at least bring some closure.

That would have to wait until after your next mission though… and it was going to be a big one: tracking the elusive Winter Soldier.

August 3rd, 2014, 1:14 p.m., Lower East side

You were a few blocks away, helping civilians escape the firefight, when you felt it.

For one impossibly brief moment, you felt him, stronger than you had in nearly 80 years. He was here.

You instantly got up and ran like you’d never run before, finding the Soldier and Steve locked in a brutal showdown— but his mask was gone now, and you nearly fell to your knees at the sight of him.

“Bucky!” you yelped, but you knew he wasn’t there or you would’ve felt his presence. Your Alpha was somewhere underneath the shell that wore his face, and you needed to find him.

You ran forward just as Steve made a break for it, getting to him just in time to stand between the Soldier and his mission.

“Alpha, please,” you whimpered, clutching at his chest. A metal hand backhanded you to the ground.

“Out of my way, Omega,” he growled, stepping over you, but you grabbed at his ankles even when he tried to kick you away.

“My mark,” you explained hastily, pulling your shirt down some to make sure it was visible. “It’s yours. Do you remember? You gave me this. This is your mark on me.”

He stared down at you, seeming to be contemplating it, and you scrambled back to your feet and faced him.

“I still feel you,” you whispered. “I knew you were alive, I knew you’d come back to me. I could feel you, right here,” you explained as you took his hand and placed it on your chest. “Could you feel me? Did you know I was waiting for you all this time?”

His eyes were watering but he still seemed confused— stunned, more specifically, as you placed your hand on his chest.

“I’ll always be yours, Bucky. I’ll always be your Omega, no matter where you are.”

A stun gun took you down, an array of masked men appeared, and before he could really see you for what you were, he was dragged away and taken to be erased again.

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., Avengers compound, medical bay

“I can’t believe we let them get away,” Steve lamented, resting his face in his hands. “I can’t believe they took him again…”

“They’ll be back,” you promised sternly. “They’re going to figure out what I am to him. They’re going to realize I could break his programming. And they’re going to come for me.”

“And when they do?” Steve pressed.

“We’ll be ready. And I’ll get my Alpha back.”

August 3rd, 2014, 9:04 p.m., temporary HYDRA operations facility

"The woman on the bridge... the Omega..." Bucky mumbled. "She knew me... she had my mark."

"No she didn't."

He furrowed his brow. "She showed me..."

Pierce sighed, glancing over to the HYDRA scientist who looked back at him sternly.

"She's too dangerous to be left alive," the man sighed, shrugging in his lab coat. "We can't deprogram a bond like that."

"We'll take care of her," Pierce promised.

Bucky launched from the chair, snapping his restraints like paper. "Touch her and I'll fucking kill you!" he bellowed, tackling his handler to the ground.

Pierce just laughed as another scientist jabbed Bucky with a needle, dosing him with something strong enough to kill any other man but just enough to knock out a super soldier. Pierce stood up and dusted himself off as he watched Bucky go limp and be lifted back into his chair.

"I can see the fight in your eyes, Soldier," he taunted as he leaned into his face. "I know you really would kill me, if you could. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, right? But don't worry about your mate, we'll make it quick and painless. Hey, maybe beforehand me and a few of the other Alphas will show her a good time, poor thing's been without her mate for 70 years... I bet she's raring to go."

Bucky's arm twitched as his eyes started to fall shut, a tear falling down his blank and motionless face.

"Wipe him," Pierce instructed to the scientist, turning and walking away as the electric whirr of the machine charging up filled the room.

August 11th, 2014, 3:53 p.m., SHIELD headquarters

Steve was impressed with how accurate and imminent your prediction was; HYDRA was hot on your trail and desperate to eliminate the biggest threat to their Asset. Knowing they were coming made it easier, but it was still a brutal fight.

You and Steve tried to stay together, but they were smart, they used the perfect bait to lure you away.

"Tell me where he is," you demanded from the HYDRA agent as you held a blade to his neck, "then I'll kill you."

"Isn't it supposed to be 'or I'll kill you'?" he frowned.

You shook your head. "Not the way I operate."

Opposite to the reaction you were expecting, he grinned widely. "He's here."

Your heart stopped.

"On the roof. He's here to kill you."

You dropped the knife and ran straight for the stairwell, ascending them like they were nothing and calling out for your Alpha.

You found him there, waiting, gun trained on you. Raising your hands in surrender, you yelled to him again.

"Bucky," you called across the windy roof, eyes nearly blinded by the bright afternoon sun. "Alpha."

"I'm not who you think I am," he yelled back. "I'm not your Alpha."

It hurt to hear it in his voice, but you knew it wasn't him. Cautiously, you stepped closer. "Before you left, you told me you didn't want to mark me and leave me behind," you recalled. "But I wanted it. I wanted to be bonded to you more than I'd ever wanted anything."

He could clearly see you were coming closer, he even tightened his finger over the trigger of his weapon, but he was waiting. You kept walking to him, slowly.

"I've never regretted it," you continued, "not even when I thought you were dead, not even when I had to spent a lifetime-- more than that-- apart from you."

Finally you were face to face, and you stepped closer until his gun was pressed right into your chest.

"You can shoot me now and I still won't regret it," you promised. "I love you."

Shakily, he lowered his weapon. "Omega..." he breathed.

"Your Omega."

He pulled you into him and you sobbed as you felt him come to life in your arms-- the real him, your Alpha, your Bucky. He held you close and breathed against the top of your head and it was like a dream coming true decades after you'd forced yourself to let it go.

But you'd never given up. And now you had found him again.

Agents started to come onto the roof and Bucky spun the two of you around, firing with his right hand and using the left, metal arm as a shield for you.

He carried you and you didn't even know where he was taking you, but it didn't matter. In his arms, you were home.

August 12th, 1:03 a.m., Avengers compound, your quarters

You hadn't stopped coming or crying for at least an hour. Bucky had all but split you open on his knot all night and he didn't show any signs of stopping.

He apparently intended to make up for lost time. And you'd lost a lot of time.

"Just one more, I know you can give me one more," he groaned furiously rubbing your clit as his knot began to swell again.

You could give him anything, as long as he asked for it like that.

You'd lost count of how many times he'd told you to come for him, and how many times you did it immediately.

"I can see how full you are," he whispered as he rubbed your stomach gently. "So much seed in you that your body can't hold it all."

You looked down and yep, you were distinctly bloated from his come alone; it made you a little dizzy to even look at it.

"The idea of you alone during your heats, no one to protect you, it kills me," he explained with a growl. "I won't let you go again. I can't."

"Then don't," you sighed. "Never leave this bed, fill me with everything you have."

"Did anybody ever help you through them? The heats?" he asked. "I wouldn't blame you, they can be so painful... I just need to know so I can make sure you forget about them."

"No, Bucky, never— I never let anyone touch me."

"Steve could've helped you, at least some..."

"He wouldn't have, he loves you too much. And I wouldn't accept anything less than you, ever. You're my Alpha. We're bonded. There's never anyone else."

That didn't seem to satisfy him, his eyes darting away as he swallowed. Your gut sank with the realization he probably wasn't being totally honest about why he asked.

"Your ruts," you gasped. "Were you alone for all of them?"

He shut his lips tighter.

"Bucky, it's okay, just tell me. I was asleep for 70 years, I skipped most of them, but you... you had to live through them all."

"They gave me betas, and omegas," he mumbled, "but I don't... I don't really remember. I know they wanted me to. They threatened to hurt me if I didn't, because they knew I'd go crazy after so many ruts alone, but I can't remember if I really did it. I remember... I remember crying, and begging for you."

"Alpha," you breathed as you felt new tears run over the stains of your old ones. "It's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay now. We're together again. Everything's okay."

You wiped his tear away with your thumb, holding his face tightly, weaving your fingers into his long hair.

"I'll always be your Omega," you promised.

He leaned in closer to you, kissing your cheek before pulling back a little. "It's faded," he whispered as he ran his thumb over the mark on your neck. "The last time I saw it, it was still fresh."

"It's older, sure, but it's stronger than ever, Bucky."

August 14th, 10:12 a.m., Avengers compound, residential area kitchen

Steve's eyes went wide when he came into the kitchen for breakfast and found you there, steeping your tea. "Surprised to see you out of the love nest so soon," he smirked.

"It's been three days, I don't think that counts as soon," you scoffed.

"It does to him," Steve frowned. "He's asleep, isn't he?"

"Yep."

"I know he wouldn't let you out of his sights if he was conscious," Steve chuckled.

At that moment, you heard Bucky call your name and run out into the hall, only a bedsheet covering his groin as he appeared in the doorway. You spun around and smiled when you saw him come running towards you, embracing you with his free arm.

"You should've told me you were leaving, I got scared when I woke up without you," he admitted weakly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry!"

He pulled back and clutched your face in both his hands. "I'm waking up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, you understand?"

You nodded dutifully. "Yes, Alpha."

"One hand on the sheet, please, Buck?" Steve winced, looking away.

“Whoops,” Bucky groaned, reaching to cover himself as you laughed softly.

“Let’s go back to bed, baby,” you decided quietly, taking Bucky’s (free) hand in yours and waving goodbye to Steve, who was already making his way as far out of earshot as possible.

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[infinitewarden]

Osiris isn’t Savathun.

Great! Now that I have your attention:

Man you guys tire me out about Osiris. If you truly believe this is Osiris I don’t mean to sound like That Guy that’s like “you don’t know what you’re talking about” but... You don’t know what you’re talking about.

So.

Let’s talk about how much Osiris cares about the City and humanity and why the Osiris in Epilogue is not actually Osiris.

Alright. Let’s start off with context. I think it’s super important to see what we do know as Osiris’s views. From my heavy analyses of him since 2020 I can confidently say these are what he views as the most important things a person can do:

Keep promises

Speak their truths

Protect the City & Humanity

Know that the Vex are true Evil.

Now, I won’t be doing a breakdown of each one individually but I will be talking a great deal of how important honesty is to Osiris, the City, and his views of the Vex.

Speaking honestly and bluntly.

I don’t know how many of you were into Destiny before Beyond Light, so if you were unaware of this it’s not your fault. However I’ve seen a very strange change in tone when it comes to how people view Osiris. Before Season of Hunt people hated - and I mean hated - Osiris. Why? Because he was blunt. They viewed his bluntness as rudeness.

To see a sudden switch to him being secretive and scheming is... alarming, to say the least. (And to see people think that this is the norm is also alarming but in other ways.)

The Osiris before Hunt was not secretive and scheming. He sought knowledge openly. He sought, specifically, the truth. I must stress just how open he was about his plans. First I’ll give you a few in lore examples:

I admit, I found your questions divisive and disloyal, and I feared you might be capable of breaking our unity when the City's position had grown so tenuous. Why divert attention away from the Traveler, our only hope? And then it got worse, dabbling in thanatonautics, Ahamkara-lore, chasing after Xur and the tricks of the Nine. Launching expeditions into the Reef and beyond at a time when ships were irreplaceable. Your quest split Guardians along ideological lines. This was your greatest crime: Hunters chose to pursue your visions instead of protecting refugees, Titans assembled teams to chase the legendary Vault of Glass instead of striking the Fallen, and Warlocks turned away from the study of the Traveler in favor of  your  ultimate obsession... learning the exact nature of the Darkness. ... Perhaps what drives a Warlock to madness is truth.

Osiris.

"Do not romanticize this burden. We wield a weapon." The Speaker shakes his head. "The Light wields you, Osiris. You are what you make of it. A glorious extension of its majesty, in many directions." Osiris paces at cadence with his words. "Then it would do well to speak clearly. To better direct me." The Speaker cocks his head. "Without will? Then it would be no better than the Darkness." "I am asking only for guidance; it is a delicate game we are playing." Osiris's voice, distressed. Regal again, the Speaker motions to the stone garden. "Will you sit with me?"

13: Margins Part II.

And, while I don’t particularly like using the Fall of Osiris comic as a source, it does have very important lines on his viewpoints that I find relevant yet.

Fall of Osiris #1.

Hell he was open about his plans to fuck with time itself to bring Saint back.

Sagira narrowed her eye at the rogue Lightbearer and lowered herself to Osiris’s shoulder. “Why’s he here?” she asked quietly. “I asked him to consult on the engineering work,” Osiris replied, crossing his arms. “You sicko,” the other man declared, walking a circle around the Warlock, his eyes darting along every surface of the Sundial around them. ... “Just one more question, then. Why all the fuss?” “I owe him.” “I owe a lotta people, Warlock. You’re opening the gates of hell with a Vex key.” “When the Traveler brought me back, I had no friends. No family—” “No one had anything in the Dark Age.” “But Saint was always there. And I saw him grow from neophyte to demigod.”

The Sundial.

"You haven't left the Forest in years," Ikora said to Osiris, the only one to address him directly. "I need help," Osiris replied. "I know," Ikora responded, hands clasped behind her back. She stared intently at her former mentor. Back in her Crucible days, that uncompromising gaze was often the last thing her opponents saw. Aunor glanced sidelong at her superior. Harper coughed and looked down at his datapad. "Two years ago, Guardians entered the Infinite Forest," Osiris continued. "They aided me in defeating the Axis Mind Panoptes, preventing a Vex apocalypse from befalling this system. "In the process," he looked between each of them in turn, "Some Guardians reported a body they found in the Forest depths." Ikora sighed. "Saint-14 never came back from that last mission to Mercury. We finally knew why. I reacted to it the only way I knew how."

Desperate Times.

“I do not understand all of this code. This is Geppetto’s specialty,” Saint-14 says while standing bent over a wide desk covered in data tablets. Holographic images of the Lighthouse shimmer in the Hangar lights. “We could use the Crucible right now. Your trials. This will be very helpful. You mean to stay, yes?” “I will. Long enough to show you how to implement the simulation; but tonight, I must disembark,” Osiris says. “So soon?” Osiris tenses his jaw in forced silence. He twiddles with code. “I’m worried about what Vance found.” Saint places a heavy hand on Osiris’s chest. “Let go of your obsession. Do not leave chasing phantoms again.” “Phantoms… You think the Darkness is satisfied? This is just the first move. I need to know the next before it’s made.” “If there is something you fear, let me help you. We face this together.” Osiris’s mind drifts to the Dark anomalies. Saint doesn’t need another burden. “The safest place for you is the Tower, Saint. Time... tends to renege on its gifts.” “So, your mission is dangerous?” Osiris considers lying. “Potentially.”

Immolant I.

There are many more sources I could list on his bluntness and honesty but there’s honestly too much. What is important to extrapolate from all of it is this:

OSIRIS SPOKE THE TRUTH NO MATTER IF IT GOT HIM IN TROUBLE. IT IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS HE GOT EXILED.

Protecting the City & Humanity

Idk where people get the idea that he’s abandoned the City and humanity. And I don’t understand where people think it’s “typical Osiris behavior” to choose to put the City in danger.

I want to make something very clear here:

Osiris was exiled. He did not abandon the City. And though others view him as abandoning it, that wasn’t his intention. He never intentionally abandoned it. Everything he did was in pursuit of a brighter future for humanity. Let’s look at one of his lines from the Sundial activity during Dawn.

“By the time I left the City, many believed my practices to be sacrilege. But my methods have prevented countless futures not unlike the one you walk now. When it is laid out before you, would you not sacrifice anything to see this future shut?”

The Sundial.

He left because he weighed his options and he saw that humanity would have better use of him if he left. He cares A great deal about the City. He cares almost too much about it. He would never give Lakshmi the technology to cause it harm, especially knowing that she’s unstable. And I’ve seen some people think he’s playing 5D chess? In what world would he ever choose to bring harm upon humanity for some sort of... agenda; which I’ve already cleared up earlier, he’s open about his plans.

Let’s look at more known lore about Osiris’s feelings of the City & humanity.

"You've wrapped your mind around an idea of your own making. I have always tolerated this fawning 'movement' of yours, but this is a step too far." Osiris seethed. Brother Vance was awestruck. He stared blankly at Osiris, unsure of what he could say to quell his anger and dissolve his frustration. "What I have discovered…" "…is dangerous enough to destroy every man, woman, and child in existence. You're meddling with forces outside your grasp," Osiris reprimanded. "I warn you here and now, remove yourself from this Lighthouse. Find a simple life. Start a family. Write music. Leave Mercury and this fool's errand behind."

Chapter 8: Idolatry.

Osiris was furious to find out Vance was experimenting in his name by endangering people for his goals. And he was especially mad that he would dive into such dangerous areas so much so that it had the potential to destroy humanity.

"It's truth." Osiris considers this. "Truth seems subjective these days," Osiris says, finally observing his entourage for the first time. Among them, a small group of men and women, stand two wayward Guardians—Warlocks, it appears—and a child. Their forlorn faces resonate with him. Castaways and believers. The weeks since his departure from the Last City have worn on him. He was used to working alone, knowing he could fall back to the City's resources should he need them. Now, adrift in the expanse of purpose, he finds himself longing for a place he could return to. A sanctuary.

Chapter 2: Postexilic.

Here’s a few lines from Season of Dawn:

“The Traveler, mutilated. Mercury, a desolate warzone. This is the bleak future the Cabal wants for us all. We do not know what has become of humanity here. I hope we will not find out.”

.

“There are many terrible futures, but I have not grown numb to seeing them. The future the Cabal wish for is a nightmare for humanity.”

.

“If the Traveler fled the system, there is a chance that the Darkness would ignore our region of the galaxy entirely. It would sacrifice our second awakening, our ability to wield the Light, but potentially continue our Golden Age. There are too many variables at risk, but it's a variant path worth investigating in the Infinite Forest.”

.

“This battered Mercury is a blueprint for our system. Lightless, bowed, and nothing more than fuel for an endless war. It must never come to pass.”

The Sundial.

There are many. Many. More lines I could put here about how much Osiris doesn’t want to see humanity suffering. And especially how he doesn’t want the City to be at risk. But I think you get the picture.

Know that the Vex are true Evil.

So. We all know Osiris as “the Vex guy.” His whole thing is on fighting the Vex. However it seems people think that he’d be okay with using them for grounds of a higher purpose? Or something? I don’t know, everyone I see rebuffing Osiris’s actions with Lakshmi don’t seem to be interested in explaining this one.

So anyways. Let’s talk about how Osiris views the Vex as true evil compared to other species.

“The Fallen are not so different from us. How hard would you fight if the Light were taken from you?” “Those stories ring false to me,” said Saint. “They are not a noble people. I’ve fought them, and so have you.” “I have not fought them all,” the Warlock replied, pulling his hands apart to create an intricate web of hovering cubes and points of light. “They are nothing, no threat—not like the Vex. Not like the Darkness.”

Vanguard Commander.

[u.2:06] Have you spoken to the House of Light, like I asked? [u.1:07] I would rather not speak with Fallen. [u.2:07] They may need our help. Their cause is just. [u.1:08] What happened to “trust no one?” [u.2:08] What happened to your sense of right and wrong, hero?

Maintenance Operations Log 30037.

The unenlightened wonder at my so-called "fixation" upon the Vex. They believe our gravest existential threat is the Hive, for those beings have made a pact with the Darkness itself via the medium of the Worm Gods (according to Toland, at least, and I see no reason to doubt him in this). But Darkness is not merely absence of Light. Darkness is an entity unto itself. Put simply, Darkness is not Nothing. But the Vex? The Vex seek neither Light nor Darkness. They seek Convergence, the reduction of all life to its simplest, most meaningless form. An entelechy of zeros and ones. "Evil" is a word for sentimentalists and fools. But, in the ontology of the sentimental, the Vex are more deserving of the term than the Hive. Given a choice between Darkness and Convergence, I would choose Darkness. It is a logical choice. Yet for this they banish me.

Kairos Function (Hunter).

This one is important because Osiris doesn’t subscribe to the idea of “good” and “evil”, and that he would go so far to say that the Vex are Evil shows just how much of a threat he views them as.

It’s just. Mind boggling to me that people think that Osiris would be okay with a Vex invasion. That Osiris would encourage Lakshmi to open up a rift to “send the Fallen away” (Despite being one of the earliest sympathizers!) Osiris isn’t ineffable, he’s just a man trying to do his best to help humanity. His actions aren’t difficult to understand, they have been written to be very clear and with understanding his motives.

Saying that it’s natural for him to be secretive and have contradicting opinions and actions is just. Wrong. It’s not him. It’s not how he’s supposed to be understood. Even in Curse of Osiris I don’t think his actions didn’t make any sense.

This is going to sound very mean but I want to be 100% clear: If you think that Osiris would actively choose to put the City in danger of the Vex, if you think that he would actively choose to stand calmly and watch as his lover was about to die to the very things he spent millions of lives to save... You don’t understand Osiris. Go back and reread his lore.

I leave you with this:

The Vanguard is dubious of our intent and ability, fearing corruption and displacement. They do not trust me. You were held in similar contempt for speaking your truth and empowering free thought. You know what it feels like to be chastised and labeled a traitor. We are mere steps away from a disintegration of our institutions, and they cannot see destruction staring them in the face. ... For so long, we have clung to the Light, denying the strength offered by the Dark. By using Stasis, we will end this war. We see this contest for what it truly is: a game, played by our adversaries. And we have been the pawns. We are pawns no more. This is not a battle I want to wage without you, although we may not have a choice in the matter. Wherever you may be, please come back to us.

To Osiris.

[itsmymeaningoflife]

Wanna hear your bullshit hehe

Hehe you asked for it. I’m gonna drop bullshit from the first half of s3 here:

- They really chose a 12 yo boy over grown women to raid the house wtf

- Carl’s crush on Beth is fucking adorable

- “While the others wash their panties let’s go hunt” Daryl darling you need to scrub your ass too

- Rick might have been a bit of a control freak in this era but at least he’s putting himself on the line over the others

- Carol almost shooting Rick bit being totally unbothered by it is hilarious

- Noticed that Daryl always keeps his distance but is always following Carol

- BACK RUB SCENE. Daryl providing physical contact and low-key also surprising himself with it is so adorable. The flirting, the innuendos *chef kiss*

- Daryl and Carol have a healthier relationship than Rick and Lori at this point. And they DEFFO sleep next to each other around the fire every night they were in the road

- The prisoners were wasted tbf. I wish they kept Oscar around as part of the main group for a few seasons. He could’ve shown the audience that not all people in prison are evil.

- Daryls obsession with not sleeping in a cage is deffo routed in trauma. He probs got locked in places as a kid

- Beths unflinching optimism / naive outlook is so pure and I love her. Damn 14 year old me for hating her

- “Not for one second do I think you have malice in your heart” YES LORI IF THAT DOESNT SUM UP RICK GRIMES IDDK WHAT DOES

- Twd really said “wow maybe we need more POC in our cast” and while they had the right sentiment they probably shouldn’t have made them all prisoners either :///

- Also Daryl taking the lead with the prisoners and being the main one to talk to them / reason with them despite Rick being a police officer is great. Give me a fic where Daryl is a youth worker

- Beth putting Carl in his place when he goes off at Lori is strong woman supporting strong woman energy

- Loris death scene makes me sob. Maggie is a real trooper in this scene too.

- Omg Daryl when he finds Carols bloody scarf and think she’s dead after they see T dogs body. He’s heartbroken that he thinks he’s lost one of his only genuine friends.

- Rick finding out Lori is dead is heartbreaking but I’ve seen too many memes of that scene to not laugh.

- Rick goes insane and Daryl immediately steps up. “Nope we’re not losing another one. Not her.” Organising a run. Pulling Beth aside to tell her to watch over Carl. We really see his leadership jump out real early.

- If Maggie wasn’t in a relationship with Glenn from the get go people would’ve shipped her with both Rick and Daryl

- Daryl seeing the “sofie” hand hurts. He really thought he was going to be the one to bring Sophia back. He believed she was alive

- DARYL WITH BABY JUDITh calling her ass kicker and sweetheart… bro my heart can’t take it. Also interesting when Carl suggests names he chooses Sofia and Carol first and the camera is focused on Daryls face.

- Daryl visiting carols grave at sunset and gently placing a Cherokee rose down and tenderly touching the cross is enough to make a grown man cry. He is deffo confused with what his feelings are and why he’s so upset that she’s gone here

- Daryl telling Carl how he was allowed to play out with other neighbourhood kids when Merle was gone and they chased a fire engine on their bikes and it ended up going to his house and his mom was dead / burnt down. Heart breaking. Trauma bonding over dead moms

- Give Daryl a child 2020 (jokes in s10 HES a chaotic sigle dad of 3)

- Daryl finding Carol knife HURTS. His voice is so wobbly and he’s so angry and he keeps the knife and he sits stabbing at the floor working himslef up to put her down. THEN HE FINDS HER ALIVE AND HOLDS HER CHIN AND CARRIED HER BACK HES A HERO

- Michonne and Rick locking eyes murderouly through the fences like damn what a way to kick start a romance

- Carl was the first to help Michonne my heart. And the way Rick hauls her over his shoulder with ease BRO… then he pours water over her boobs? Not sure why but hey I don’t question true love

- Daryl is so dramatic “hey Rick, come in here” “everything alright??” “You’re gonna want to see this” *leads everyone to carol*. He couldn’t just tell them he found her alive. I love his dramatic ass

- RICK AND CAROLS FRIENDSHIP IS everything. Also I’ll forever be salty about how we never got more of carols reaction to loris death

- Daryl calling Carol a POOR THING when he explains to everyone. Sir you are tender

- Michonne calling Maggie “the pretty girl” then one breath later calls the govener “pretty boy” is massive bi wife energy

- Rick and Daryl threatening Michonne like they won’t be tripping over themselves to lay down their life for her come season 9

- I fucking hate Merle so much. But he can’t comprehend that the group will be there to save them. He just doesn’t understand how to care for other people

- Daryl and Oscar could’ve been great friends

- Rick leaving 12 year old Carl in charge of the prison A* parenting

- Milton is the token chaotic gay scientist of twd change my mind

- The governor can rot in hell for what he did to Maggie I hate him

- Daryl sees a dead dog and makes a lassie joke? I’m sorry but this man is so funny

- Maggie said “men always have been and always will be trash”

- Axel being sleazy around Beth after Beth tells him she’s 17 and Carol immediately swooping in to protect her is PEAK MOMMA BEAR ENERGY.

- Okay but their heist to get glenn and Maggie back was elite

- The conflict on Daryls face when he realises Merle is around and his deperate voice when he’s asking Rick if he can go find him hurts my HEART

- RICK TELLING DARYL “I need you. Are you with me?” And Daryls soft “yeah” voice THAT IS THE MOMENT DARYL REALISED HE WAS APPRECIATED.

- OSCAR DESERVED BETTER. RIP KING

- Carl and beths friendship is underrated.

- Gov really thinks penny is still in there huh

- Everyone referring to Carl as “the man” is hilarious but also so concerning

- I forget how on odds Rick and Michonne were at the beginning. The original enemies to lovers

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.

[arofili]

14 with glorthelion for the kiss prompts ? 🥺

ahh thank you, i got a bit carried away with this one, but i do love them <3 ft. wingman arostor!!

14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

~~~

Ecthelion was waiting for him when he stepped off the ship.

He didn’t—he couldn’t—he hadn’t expected him to be there. It had been so many long Ages since they had seen each other, since they had plighted their troth in the glow of Tarnin Austa only to be torn apart in the chaos of the following day.

Glorfindel had been reborn while Ecthelion yet lingered in the Halls, and then he was sent away to fight against the Shadow that had stolen his happiness. Had Ecthelion been with him, he would not have gone—or he would have gone with his husband at his side.

But instead he had been alone, and though he did not regret his work in Middle-earth, he had long since accepted that it was difficult to love a distant lover. Surely Ecthelion must have been reborn by now; surely he must have moved on from the one who abandoned him.

Surely he would not be waiting on the shore.

Glorfindel faltered as his feet hit the sand, unable to bring himself to step forward. Was Ecthelion here to berate him? Was he here to let him down gently? Was he here, as Glorfindel had dreamed for centuries, to gently forgive him and renew their promises?

No, he could not let himself hope. The Shadow was destroyed and could not touch the Blessed Land, but this...this Glorfindel had ruined on his own.

Behind him he felt an ungentle nudge: Erestor. His dear friend glared at him, then nodded his head meaningfully toward Ecthelion. Go to him, he chided, but how could he? How could he face the one he loved, the one he left?

If you don’t go deal with your romantic drama right now, after whining to me about it for three centuries, I am going to shove you into the ocean, Erestor informed him.

He’d do it, too, was the thing—and it was that, his scathing support, that pushed Glorfindel forward to the place where Ecthelion stood still and staring at him.

“Laurë,” he said quietly, his eyes clear and sharp as they always were.

“I...” What could he say? What was there to say? “I...I did not...I did not dare hope you would be here.”

Ecthelion closed his eyes. “Why would I not be?” he asked, his voice so soft it was deadly. “Did we not swear to each other?”

Glorfindel swallowed. “We—we did.”

“And have you broken those vows?”

Mutely, Glorfindel shook his head. No, was the answer, but there had been times where he’d been close, times where he’d despaired, times where he’d been so very lonely; if Erestor had not been there to keep his head on straight he would’ve fallen time and again. If Erestor had not been the kind of ellon who took no lover at all, he would’ve fallen for him. He almost had.

“Then why would I not be here?” Ecthelion demanded, his eyes snapping open again. “I kept my promises also.”

“I left you,” Glorfindel whispered, hating that this, this was what made him tremble, when not even the Witch-king or the Balrog could. “I swore to be with you, to stand by you, and I—”

“I left you first, or do you not remember?” Ecthelion demanded. “I died in Gondolin. You made it out. And—” His voice broke. “And even then, you followed me. Even then, you came with me to Mandos.”

“And then I left.”

“We were not bonded. We still aren’t. You are your own nér, with your own will, and no matter our pledges you had a job to do.” Ecthelion glared at him furiously. “Laurë, did you not think I was proud of you? That seeing your bravery, your faith, your hope gave me the same? That had you not proved it was possible to live and thrive and fight again, I might still be in Námo’s embrace?”

“Ehtelë,” Glorfindel whispered, wonder blossoming in his heart in a way he had not known it still could.

“Of course I am here to welcome you home,” Ecthelion hissed, stepping closer until Glorfindel could reach out and touch if he thought he had the right. “I’ve waited two fucking Ages and then some to make you mine—and I don’t regret it. I never could, I never can.”

“Ehtelë,” Glorfindel said again, and then Ecthelion grabbed him by his robes and pulled him down into a searing kiss. Glorfindel froze for a moment, terrified he’d forgotten how, but then the fire in Ecthelion brushed against his fëa and he knew, he knew that Ecthelion loved him too, and he kissed back desperately, pulling him closer, closer, closer, ready to couple right there on the sands, to make Ecthelion his husband as he ought to have been long ago, to—to—

“Get a room,” Erestor drawled, but Glorfindel had wound himself around Ecthelion so tightly that he couldn’t let go, not for anything, not until their hearts beat as one.

Laurë, Ecthelion whispered in his mind. Laurë. I love you.

At last he broke their kiss, leaving Glorfindel breathless and blushing, still tangled up in Ecthelion’s arms.

“I have a room in the city,” Ecthelion began, and Glorfindel kissed him again even as he dragged him toward the lights of Alqualondë, giddy with a life and love restored.