#we're just terrified that we might | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thorne1435 · 6 months

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Sometimes I think, like, how is it that these other trans people are struggling with dysphoria when they look so perfectly gender, y'know?

And then I realize, that people have told me that I look perfectly gender. And I still struggle with dysphoria. And then it all makes sense again.

#we don't actually look bad #we're just terrified that we might #so we insist that we do #y'know?#trans

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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something i'm grateful for about Wally is the representation for people who love eye contact. we're underappreciated smh

#its very fun to see a character who Looks Intently bc he Likes It and thinks its Polite #eye contact is so so so so good but the majority of people hate it and Whyyyyyyy #it makes being around people so difficult #i naturally stare into a person's fucking soul when holding a conversation #so i have to constantly remind myself to look away periodically or look somewhere else entirely #and then my thoughts turn into 'youre making too much eye contact. now youre making too little. stop looking over there.'#'make eye contact WAIT NO NO ok great we just awkwardly glanced at them. fuck. what are they even saying rn we stopped listening'#and then if i make eye contact with someone in passing / a stranger #its immediate panic like Oh Fuck What If They Think We're A Total Freak Now. Shit Shit shit #or the equally terrifying What If They Think That Was An Invite To Interact #but otherwise. let me stare into your souuulllllll pleaseeeeeee #Without it being weird or making you uncomfortabllle #i am trying to CONNECT and show that i am ENGAGED i am LISTENING #absolutely unprompted #shoutout to all my adhd/autistic homies who looooooove eye contact #we're rarer than a unicorn stg #if eye contact is a sliding scale its the only binary im participating in #i think this might be why i like cats so much. instant staring contests. prolonged comfy eye contact #yeah physical contact is great but have you ever held casual Eye contact with someone

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sherlock-is-ace · 2 months

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#my brother's graphic card for his computer might be broken and that's terrifying because #it's in all likelyhood the most expensive thing in our house (and it's not that expensive)#because it is old as fuck and they don't make them anymore so if we have to replace it for an equivalent #it will be all my savings and still i would fall short #my brother has no savings basically and my mom is retired so this fucking thing better be FINE #and if something HAS to break it better be the monitor cause we can downgrade from it or get a cheap ass one #funny this happens today when i lost a work project (possibly)#everything is up in the air right now lol i'm sort of freaking out! sdkfhgfg #pls god we're already poor and with our fucking ass president we might be going into war at any minute lol (joking but idk to what extent)#might just burry myself in fun youtube vids and forget all my problems (:#angel talks #personal

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memento-mariii · 2 years

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I just know that right this moment, Quincey and Lucy are having their cowpoke adventures in heaven, with that horse the (presumably non-supernatural) vampire bats had gotten 🥲

#(and also like. without the looming and terrible implications of american expansionism and colonialism afoot.)#dracula daily #quincey p morris #lucy westenra #also like; I know we're all past the point of arguing who among lucy's three weed smoking boyfriends is the best boi;#we all agree that every single one of the vampire hunting party #ESPECIALLY Mina--- like c'mon guys she didn't get voted the ultimate sexyman for this gender discrimination--#are Best Bois™#but I'm just saying #if Quincey got democritically elected as Lucy's legal husband #and the rest of the crew just quietly and surreptitiously relocated to america for unrelated 'work reasons'#and also bc they missed the companionship of their Good Pal‚ their Totally Platonic Heterosexual Manly Man Bestie(wink wink nudge nudge)?#(the Harkers are absolutely included in this but in their case they moved for Mina's Really Good Friend 'And-They-Were-Roommates' Lucy)#(their rich friends Arthur and Quincey handled the bill)#then none of this might have happened #I mean I guess england would be fucked then #and also the (presumably non-supernatural) american vampire bats might have gotten her anyway #(I'm sorry I'M SORRY---#(I just can't get over the amazing and terrifying vampire bats of bram stoker's american wilderness #(that can just swarm a horse and drain it dry overnight😂)#(just can't resist beating that particular dead horse over and over it seems)#mmari rambles

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planeoftheeclectic · 11 months

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Hello, Peregrine 4 for the WIP Wednesday ask game please!

Also, what's this about a dnd character's Inigo Montoya speech? That sounds awesome, you should work on that too.

3 minutes of editing done! Here's the first three sentences of Snorri's Inigo Montoya speech!

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You don't know me. But you know my mother. Or rather, you knew my mother.

#auburnlaughter #my writing #WIP Wednesdays #thank you!!#dnd #context is that Snorri is a dragonborn bard following in the footsteps of her mother who was the founding member and inspiration for a grou #of adventurers who made it big - but only after an accident had made her lose her voice and they just kinda...left her by the wayside #so my character's motivation to start adventuring was in part to show up the Golden Company #once he found out they were still alive...well. Also I should say there's apparently only one of them still alive.#The lich told us so. and I think we can trust him on that #the lich is terrified of them btw #like turned everyone into an undead army levels of terrified #and tbf the company just got...up/downgraded from 'careless assholes who cause problems on accident as high-level parties are wont to do'#to 'malicious egomaniacs who were probably making a grab for total control of the island'#and at least one of them - the one who is still alive(?) - was working with the evil god who's been causing problems #also! there's like a 50% chance he's Snorri's father! because my DM asked me 'hey what's Snorri's relationship with her dad?'#'uh not much of one he wasn't really around most of the time.'#'Cool! Snorri never knew their dad. Don't worry about it.'#so naturally I (not Snorri) have been VERY WORRIED ABOUT IT ever since #it's great. he's only just gotten to the point where she *might* not stab him on sight (or try to. we're only level 3)#and him turning out to be her dad wouldn't change anything. It's going to be great #he might not be though! who knows what steve is planning! certainly not me!!

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fluffs-n-stuffs · 7 months

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Pokémon Horizons Episode 26 spoilers under the cut!

OH SO WE WEREN'T BEING JUST DELUSIONAL,,,,,, THEY'RE DOING IT,,,,,,,,,,,, THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT,,,, , ,

#fluff binges !!!#not a spoiler but can we talk about how they also switched Liko and Roy's parts and added new verses for the ending rap it was SO cute 🥺💖#I'm also gonna miss the first opening since I got attached to it but OH MY GOD THE NEW ONE............ SO INSANE. ACTUAL PEAK. I KNEEL.#ok with my spoiler tags in place now I can AKJSDHAJSNDKASJKDFNSJDFSND #OH MY GOD THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO IT THEY'RE ACTUALLY EXPLORING MY ANGSTY SON'S CHARACTER HOLY SHIT #AMETHIO BBY PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE BROODING RN AND BEATING YOURSELF UP MENTALLY FOR THAT LOSS BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LOVED ONES AWAYYYYYYYYYY #ZIRC AND ONIA ARE WORRIEDDDDDDDDD DO YOU SEE THEM WONDERING ABOUT YOU THEY EVEN TRIED TO TALK TO YOU BUT YOU WOULDNT BUDGEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭#I need a moment where Amethio gets to be hugged by these two fr they're legit his guardians at this rate #Amethio also only seems to open up about his vulnerability to Ceruledge from the looks of it and something about that makes me So Insane #WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO SAY IN THIS SCENE ACTUALLY LIKE . IS HE APOLOGIZING? DOES HE BLAME HIMSELF FOR THE LOSS???#IS HE AFRAID OF LOOKING WEAK TO HIS PARTNER MON OR IS HE DOUBTING THE TRUST HE HAS IN THEM...................#/head in HANDS #we're gonna get to see the explorers together again next episode and it seems like Spinel and Hamber reacted to something Amethio said #is he proposing that he go after Terapagos himself? that the others don't interfere because it's a Personal matter now from that loss?#they're not gonna like that if that's the case........ Hamber might insist on reinforcements or pull extra strings without Amethio knowing #everyday we get one step closer to Amethio redemption #(or alternatively corruption like can you imagine this all weighing on his mind and just twisting it in all the wrong directions)#(though now that I mention that it seems more like a possibility for Spinel --- I still think he's the most capable of betraying everyone)#(like he seems the most malicious at this rate and his capabilities can be quite terrifying- he may as well decide to--#--erase the other explorers' memories and make them work for him if he was pushed hard enough . Like . Can You Imagine.......... /deranged)#I'm rambling at this rate ASKSDJHSDKFNSD but this series gives me so much serotonin and I'm so grateful to have started it 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖#pokemon horizons #anipoke #pokeani #amethio #explorer amethio #amethio pokemon #zirc pokemon #onia pokemon #ceruledge

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leguin · 1 year

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idk. trying to be better. i've been working out in the mornings lately, which has been annoyingly helpful in terms of having more energy. i've been cooking a little bit. reading a book about an antarctic expedition. getting guitar calluses on my right pinky so i can use it to play a new and improved version of that housman poem/song.

#it's a really new thing to me to be around someone who like. idk like we're both good at inspiring each other to be better #without even directly talking about it...it's strange to me #that might seem like a dig at everyone else i know lmao #but it just feels like this intense case of right place right time. if we met a year ago i think it would've been really different #but instead it's like...idk. i'm terrified to really get used to it because it's just so strangely good and important

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icannotgetoverbirds · 1 year

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it's called cowpunk

BUT THERE'S NO FUCKIN'. PLAYLISTS ON YT THAT ARE SONG COMPILATIONS

IT'S ALL PLAYLISTS PUT TOGETHER USING THE FUCKIN' PLAYLIST FUNCTION AND MY BRAIN WON'T LET ME TRY THOSE OUT FOR SOME ARBITRARY REASON

please for the love of god i want to listen to punk country music. i've secretly always loved the way that country music sounds but the lyrics are just so terrible so often that i've stayed away from it for the sake of my sanity

but punk as a genre has never failed me so COWPUNK, which is the punk subgenre in country music, should be fucking amazing. but there's like 5 playlists and brain is too scaredys to look at them. screaming crying throwing up taking my brain out and picking it apart with tweezers until i can figure out why those aren't good enough so i can problem solve

#byrd chirps #cowpunk #music recs please #i think the whole thing is just too new #and the safest-feeling way for me to explore new genres is with those playlists that are a single video all put together #with the songs listed by timestamp #and ideally there'd be lyrics somewhere but that's just a bonus #and apparently none of those exist on youtube #WHY GOD WHY do i have to enjoy obscure genres #i don't WANT them to be obscure #sure if they're popular they might get commercialized #(that's probably why punk doesn't do very well is because it often commercializes poorly no matter the quality)#but then at least there'd be PLAYLISTS #and no im not gonna make a playlist are you kidding me?#i can't fuckin work a video editor! and i don't have the spoons for a yt channel yet that shit is terrifying #because i stg the moment any subscribers find out i care about fat activism it'd be off with my head!#idk maybe we could incorporate some country music into what we're doing? we could be folk cowpunk?#you know with AKA #but i'd have to discuss that with the others and i don't want to keep messing with the band and like #country is not a loved genre these days particularly for leftists #because of the whole tendency towards christonationalist lyrics yknow?#so i make no promises and hold no hopes for that #gotdamn that's a good line i gotta use that more often #anyways.

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mechieonu · 1 year

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fnaf will never ever never have a cohesive satisfying storyline and i think that's its best quality. by which i mean i hope mathew lillard's afton is the most unserious maniacally dancing evil-laughter batshit thing ever

#the books and games had their chance to make him a genuine terrifying threat and they failed imo #so if we're gonna bring him back we might as well bastardize him and have fun #honestly i don't have any expectations for the movie lbr #i just hope that whatever happens its as corporately unpalatable as possible #ACTUALLY NO i do have some expectations. that at the very least i can have a laugh #and that baby appears as an animatronic instead of whatever the fuck eleanor is #fnaf movie #i just want the reviewers 2 hate it and the gays 2 love it. does this make sense

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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years

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im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible

#we both hate the idea of living alone rn and neither of us are moving out of the state just yet so we're gonna live together #that way we can split the rent and save up our money for whatever we wanna do #im taking at least a year long break after i get outta high school before i even THINK about going to college bc otherwise ill die i think #and she might also be taking a break before she goes to college #so it'll all work out :')#only issue is that this is the girl im kind of confused abt because i cant tell if im crushing on her or if its just platonic #so this might complicate things. but whatever #she's one of my best friends first and foremost and being roomates will be nice #bonus points for us bc it's gonna be a household of trans folks lmao #we still gotta talk about logistics and all that and we still don't know how its gonna work out but #im happy #even if i get kicked out by my mom the second i turn 18 i know ill have a friend who ill be able to get a place with #i have to find a job asap but i dont think it'll be too crazy hard #my soon to be roommate is begging me to join her at the grocery store she works at and my brother is begging me to work with him at an -#- escape room #so im probably just gonna join one of them soon bc i can #also im planning on taking my drivers permit test next week which is. kind of terrifying but i need to learn how to drive #the public transport here is alright but it just doesn't cut it sometimes so i need to know how to get around via car

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jedi-bird · 2 years

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Unpacked the ornaments today and started laughing over this. He looks like a relative of Gritty. My mom bought him to represent my first christmas and over the years he's gotten crushed because she didn't do a great job of packing things up; I inherited some of her things after she died and kept even less, so digging to the bottom of the box today yielded the best laugh I've had in a while. He is now proudly on display dead center on the tree, close to Blue and Beta, and staring wildly into the room.

#christmas tree #i do love festive lights in the season of everything dark and horrible #we're not religious but growing up with a tree every year means we kind of like it and continue the tradition #i didn't get a lot of my mom's stuff after she died because it would have meant dealing with my stepfather more than i already had #and what i did get most had to be donated because i couldn't keep everything #why she chose a teddy bear for me I'll never know because i actively hated them as a kid #she loved them but i was equal parts terrified and angry #now though i like him because he's silly looking and reminds be a bit of my cat #next year if i finally have the room I'm setting up my grandma's light up village and going shopping for a menorah #might also crochet a tree skirt just to use up leftover yarn and make it very bright and wild

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prncssberry · 2 months

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#using the tags as a diary again instead of the literal notebook next to me #but holy shitttt I'm lowkey in love with one of my coworkers and I can't handle it #and I think (hope) that he might like me back for several reasons #but I'm so terrified of ruining our developing friendship outside work #he's also about 12 years older than me and I'm trying to deal with that internally too #we're going to drive 2 1/2-3 hours for the solar eclipse because we both have Monday off #just us because every single other person I've asked is busy or working #I'm so excited to the point of throwing up but I'm so scared that something might come up #or worse nothing comes up and we do take a day trip #I haven't felt this way about someone in so long and it terrifies me

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neverendingford · 3 months

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#tag talk #watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped #I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway #you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety.#terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it.#that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze.#that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably.#why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful.#hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues.#I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does.#I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion #not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it #you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right.#like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it.#part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that).#I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway.#I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma.#but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain.#hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this.#Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt.#which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic #she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her #but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently.#anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again.#anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms #I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk #either way I'm suffering over here #not a sui risk but damn #I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months

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bottommarcothephoenixenjoyer · 4 months

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Saw a post on here a while ago but can't find it now where op asked people what thing they were actually gatekeepy about in the "oh yeah? you think you're a REAL fan of xyz? the name This Many things about it" and couldn't think of what to respond with despite knowing there was SOMETHING.

Well. We figured it out.

Horror Media.

If you think Stephen King is the scariest horror writer ever, then we're side-eying you. If you think Bloober Team has ANY chance of making a good Silent Hill game, then we're side-eyeing you. If you think the giving the backrooms monsters or lore is a good idea, then we're side-eyeing you.

Look, we get different people have different likes and dislikes, but if you're a fan of horror then mayyyyybe you should try to find a writer who isn't so tame our own 59-year-old mother when she was in her 20s? Or a dev team that doesn't seem to think people with trauma/mental illness should unalive themselves because of it? Or think about how fear of the unknown and fear of isolation is actually scarier than a place full of monsters that you can apparently escape if you can stick it out?

So yeah, we're a bit gatekeepy about horror and horror media. That said, liking something because you just think it's fun for superficial reasons is good, too. Like how we enjoy some good Nightmare on Elm Street sequels because Freddy Krueger is a fun villain, and we love a good, fun villain in this house. 😤😤😤

#krispeaks #we just want SCARY horror stuff you guys #also PLEASE stop putting his stuff on splatterpunk novel lists ffs #we'll give you that stephen king DOES write horror but NOT splatterpunk horror #genre labels exist for a reason stg #also. fuck bloober team. you're gonna ruin Silent Hill even further.#if the horror fans find this we might be in trouble tbh some of them are weird af #and we're gonna drop the apparent hot take that Terrifier 2 probably isn't scary #all we've seen is the one scene where the clown tortures this one chick for like 1 minutes and it was bad #the one where he literally rubs salt in her wounds #we don't care if he used magic to keep her alove during that scene or whatever #it was super lame and boring and cutting the skin off the scalp doesn't reveal the brain if you're not also cutting the skull #and gore isn't even scary. it's visceral and disgusting but not scary.#and we say this as someone who loves gore!

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mirialan · 6 months

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I don't think I could ever live by myself. Actually, I know I can't. I've known for a while. It's been a fear of mine for a long time. My guy has been M.I.A. for almost a week now and my roommate is at his gfs place for the night. So I'm here on a Friday night completely by myself, working overtime and trying not to have an anxiety attack about where my man is. My mind gets so dark and I feel so alone and scared about my future and it's literally only been one day of me by myself. I would never make it living alone lol.

#i'm used to my guy just ending conversations abruptly when he needs a break or some time to himself #sometimes it's just bc the convo is dying or he doesn't know what to say #but he ALWAYS at least reads my messages even if he doesn't reply #but my messages being on “delivered” for almost a week now?? when we were in an active convo literally two minutes before hand?#just feels weird #part of me is scared his phone broke or sumn and that is scary bc he has no social media so we talk thru text and that is literally it #if he lost his numbers somehow and also had to change his number there would be no way for us to communicate and that terrifies me more than #i expected #but also that seems like a ridiculous scenario and i need to chill #maybe he just accidentally muted the notifications for me and he hasn't noticed i messaged him #sometimes we can go a week or two without texting so it's not weird for him to not have checked his texts or felt it was weird that he #hasn't heard from me #made the mistake of telling my anxiety filled friends and two of them were like “i would be worried that he died”#which don't even get me fucking started on that possibility #i know i could call him but we literally haven't spoken on the phone in 6 years #it might come off weird af it turns out he just muted me by accident he would think i'm just calling out of the blue #and we're not in a relationship so it might come off even weirder if i explain how worried i was 🙃#ramblings

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aph-estonia · 9 months

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i might've actually had a 4th crush on an irl female

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