#welcome to projection central

[ghosttotheparty]

also on ao3

(cw: tics, bullying)

Eddie started shivering in seventh grade.

Even when it was hot, even when he was sweating and desperately wanted a non-rattly fan or a better air conditioner. They weren't normal shivers. He wasn't cold. But his shoulders would jerk or shake, or he would tremble for a second, and he didn't know what else it could have been. Others didn't question it for a while, because it started in October. Everyone was shivering. But by March, it hadn't stopped, and he had to explain himself when people gave him questioning looks or asked if he was okay. (Back when people cared.)

'S just a shiver, I'm fine.

He wasn't fine. It got worse over time. He got used to it, to the weird feeling that took over his body for a few seconds, got used to telling people he was cold, joking that he must be low on vitamins or iron, joking that in the future, someone is walking over his grave. But other people didn't get used to it. They thought he was weird. That was fine with him. Wayne realised something was wrong before Eddie started the tenth grade, because he wasn't just shivering anymore. His whole body was jerking sharply, suddenly, his shoulders drawing up, fists clenching. Eddie didn't question it. Wayne did.

It wasn't normal. But nothing about Eddie was normal. Wayne took him to see a doctor. The doctor make him do things, walk in a line, hold his arms out and push the doctor's hands away as hard as he could, follow a flashlight with his eyes without moving his head. It was all weird. It kind of scared Eddie. The doctor kept writing things in a notebook, and Eddie couldn't tell if he was doing well or not. But Wayne was there, watching and listening intently.

The doctor said he had tics. It sounded funny to Eddie, but then it wasn't funny, because the doctor didn't give him anything for it. He just said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. His brain just worked a little differently. (Which Eddie was already used to hearing.) That his tics could get better or go away as he got older, or they could get worse.

They got worse.

By the end of that summer, his arms were moving, flying over his head suddenly, randomly, and his head was jerking back so sharply it hurt. Wayne was worried about him getting whiplash. Eddie was worried about going to school.

That year, he became the freak.

At first, he tried to explain it to people. The movements were involuntary, he couldn't control them. Wayne contacted all his teachers, who mostly got it, but still preferred to make him sit in the hallway so he didn't distract the class. But the other students thought he was possessed, faking it for attention, and everything in between. They'd throw things at him, and complain to the teachers that he was distracting even when he wasn't moving, just to get him out of the room. They would mimic him, make fun of him, and by September, he learned that the tics get worse when he's upset. He could hear them all snickering and giggling as he shoved his hands under his legs and tucked his chin to his chest or held his shirt over his face, as he held his limbs tense so they wouldn't move, so tense he was exhausted and sore all the time, and then he'd go home and cry because he couldn't control his own body.

He'd have to sit on the sofa so when his head threw itself back, it would hit the back of the sofa instead of the wall, and Wayne would just wait, watching with that fucking sadness in his eyes that made Eddie ache even more. When it finally stopped, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes after an hour or two, he was so exhausted he'd fall asleep right there on the sofa. He couldn't do his homework. His grades dropped even more, but he managed to keep himself afloat. He did the best he could, doing his homework early in the morning before school or in detention. (Some of his teachers thought he was faking. Mr Peterson was in charge of detention, and he was nice. Considerate. Eddie counted him as one of his few blessings.)

His tics got worse.

In December of his junior year, he started making noises. Short screams, grunts, quiet vocalizations. It scared him. He didn't want to go back to school, but he did. The laughter around him got louder, and he was sent out to the hallways more. He started skipping classes. He knew he'd be forced to leave anyway. So he'd sit in the boys' room, on top of a lidded toiler, his feet up on the stall door, and he'd leave cigarette burns on the walls.

Not everyone was awful. Some kids were just curious about him, asked why he acted the way he did, and he did his best to calmly explain it all. I can't help it, actually. It's just my brain works different. That turned into Eddie's brain's fucked. It's broken. He's a fucking--

So he used it. Eddie the Freak. Attention-seeking, desperate for people to notice him. So he started making devil horns, yelling from tabletops, making himself The Freak so no one could use it against him.

No one, not even Wayne, saw him cry at night, because the attention he got was never the attention he wanted. Because he was tired. So fucking tired. His limbs were sore and his voice was rough, and his neck hurt, and he was sick of being laughed at. But that was all he got.

He kept counting his blessings. Mr Peterson, who never minded Eddie's noises or the way his fists would bang against the table loudly in the silent room, who scolded the other detention-goers when they tried to tease. The Hellfire guys, who got used to his tics fairly quickly, and knew when to pause whatever they were doing if Eddie couldn't hear them over a scream or was distracted by his own body. That nice girl, Chrissy Cunningham, who would slip notes from the classes he missed or skipped into his locker or backpack with sweet smiles. (If Eddie wasn't gay, he would have fallen in love with her.) The other few students that ignored him when his tics acted up, just glancing and moving on. Wayne, bless his soul, who would come to the school to confront Eddie's teachers and complain to the principal about Eddie being mistreated by the staff.

And, oddly enough, Steve Harrington.

Eddie never saw it coming. It was a particularly bad day. He was at his locker, trying to line his books up, but a tic threw his hands up, and some books fell from his locker to the floor. He watched helplessly as papers scattered across the floor, as most students stepped around them, ignoring them, as some jocks trampled over them, over Chrissy's neat handwriting, his fists clenched at his sides. When they passed, he kneeled, picking up the books, and when he looked up, Steve Harrington was kneeling too, gathering the crumpled papers and carefully straightening them out.

He gave them to Eddie with a smile, and Eddie thought he might be dying, in some weird, upside-down dimension where Steve Harrington smiles at Eddie Munson. Eddie took them hesitantly, said thank you, and then he hit him.

He was mortified, almost dropping the papers again, jumping back as his whole body flushed with heat, staring at Steve's shoulder where his hand had just landed heavily, and he burst with a Fuck, I'm so sorry, oh my god--

But Steve had just laughed. Amazingly, it was a kind laugh, with sparkling eyes, and soft cheeks, and he said It's okay.

And then he was gone. Down the hall, after his friends, and Eddie realised his hands were trembling.

Steve kept smiling at him. Even when his friends were making fun of Eddie's Satanic cult, and of the way he couldn't keep still, and of his sad, broken brain. Even when Eddie's brain made him flip Steve off across the cafeteria, Steve saw how Eddie pulled his hand down sharply, and Steve just... laughed. Eddie fell in love with his laugh. It was kind, and it made Eddie feel better, even when he wanted to cry.

Steve graduated the next year. But he didn't leave Eddie alone. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about him, and his kind laugh, and his pretty eyes, and then the sheep Eddie adopted told him all about how cool and brave Steve was, and Eddie fell harder without even seeing him.

The world went to shit. But Eddie got to see Steve again.

Steve was still kind, even though the world was ending, and even during serious discussions, plan-making, how-to-save-the-world conversations, Eddie's tics kept going. His body jerked and shivered, and his head threw back, and his fists hit his own chest and shoulders, and he had to sit down. And Eddie found out that there are more kind people than he thought. When his tics slowed, Nancy wordlessly got him an ice pack to hold to his chest, and when he flung it across the room, Robin caught it with a casual oops, and brought it back to him. No one questioned him, or stared, or laughed, even though he knew how annoying he was.

When he woke up in the hospital, he hurt so badly he couldn't move. He just cried. Steve sat by his bed and held onto his hand. He was crying too. When Eddie stopped crying, Steve carefully slid his rings, clean of blood, onto his fingers.

This one goes here, right?

Yeah.

On the second day, his brain didn't care that he hurt. As Steve was telling him about what was going on with the others (Max was staying with the Sinclairs, Dustin's leg was almost healed), Eddie's hand smacked him across the face sharply, the sting of his rings bringing tears to his eyes before he even processed what happened. Steve wordlessly crawled onto the bed, carefully pulled Eddie against himself, and set a pillow over Eddie's lap for when his fists started hitting his legs. He'd just murmured those words, the first words he'd said to Eddie years ago.

It's okay. It's okay.

And he waited until Eddie's body fell lax against him before he carefully found Eddie's hand, laced their fingers, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Eddie was released from the hospital a few weeks later. He stayed in the Wheelers' basement for a few days until Steve's parents left town, for good this time, and then he moved into the Harrington house.

He likes it there. Steve is still kind. Always. He lets Eddie lay his head in his lap when his body hurts or won't stop moving, and he drags his fingers through his hair or holds a joint to his lips for him, and he smiles. (Eddie would go through the end of the world all over again for that smile.) When Eddie's head hits the wall while they're in the waiting room of the hospital for a checkup, Steve just shifts to face him and holds a hand up to the back of his head so his hand hits the wall instead, saying quietly that Eddie isn't allowed to beat his record number of concussions. He drives Eddie to Wayne's even though Eddie doesn't tic when he drives except for a few facial or vocal ones.

When Eddie whistles one night, Steve just smiles at him and says Was that a tic or are you hitting on me? and Eddie freezes, his face burning. Which would you prefer, pretty boy?

Steve kisses him.

And then Steve starts holding his hand even when he isn't having tics, even when they're with the Party. Eddie moves into Steve's room. (They always slept better when they accidentally fell asleep on the sofa together anyway.) Steve holds him when his tics are bad, and Eddie holds him during his migraines, pressing kisses as softly as he can to his forehead and his temples. Steve takes his hand when it moves to hit Eddie's face or chest. Eddie stands steady and holds Steve's hand to himself when he gets dizzy. Steve keeps ready-made ice packs in the freezer to hold to Eddie's chest and legs when they bruise from his fists. Eddie keeps his handwriting as neat as possible when he writes notes in case Steve forgets anything. When they wake up at night, breathless and sweaty and crying, the other is there, arms open, lips waiting.

One night Eddie says very softly, You know, they used to say my brain was broken.

Steve just says, Mine too.

[qqueenofhades]

i registered to vote for the first time ( i feel old) now that im an adult but my state has closed primary elections which i was wondering if you have an opinion about. my initial thought was that its bad because i had to register democrat (rather than my states green party which represents my beliefs more) just so i could vote between democrat candidates, which feels like being pressured into supporting the weird pseudo two party system we have. but then i looked it up and apparently a reason for this is so that people from opposing parties wont purposefully mess up the votes just so that their preferred candidates have an easier time winning, and i think that makes sense too. but is that actually the reason theyve closed it or is it just to force us dem/republican?? cause it feels strange

Okay, look. I respect the fact that you're a young person, and I appreciate that you have not only registered to vote, but plan to vote in the primaries, so I don't want to lecture you too much. That said: I am taking you out for coffee, I am sitting you down, I am looking into your eyes, and I am urgently telling you the following:

The Green Party is a scam. It is a scam. It has existed for decades in American politics as an empty shell corporation weaponizing the good intentions of young people like yourself, because all it theoretically stands for "it's good to save the planet maybe." Which is not something that any non-insane person seriously disagrees with, but there is no world in which that cause is actually furthered by registering/voting Green (you mentioned that you did vote for Democrats, which -- good, but listen to me here, youngun, okay?) It ran Jill Stein in 2016 to siphon more votes from HRC, and this election it plans to run Cornel West, a pro-Russian tankie who positively equated Bernie and Trump, as another spoiler candidate. It does not stand for "protecting the planet" or America in any real way. It has never elected a single senator or congressman, let alone a president. It stands for empty performance/grievance political theater by those people who feel too morally superior to vote for/affiliate with Democrats, often because the internet has told them that it's not Cool or Hip or Progressive enough.

If your main priority is climate/the environment, you're doing the right thing by registering as a Democrat and voting for Democrats. (Also: the adjectival form is Democratic. It is the Democratic party and Democratic candidates, otherwise you sound like the Fox News host who wrote a book literally entitled "The Democrat Party Hates America.") They are the only major party who has in fact passed major climate legislation and have made environmental justice a central tenet of their platform. As opposed to the Republicans, whose Project 2025, along with the rest of its nightmare fascist prescriptions, openly pledges to completely wreck existing climate protections and forbid any new ones, just because we weren't all dying fast enough under their death-cult rule already. That's the main logical fallacy I don't get among both the Online Leftists and the American electorate in general: "the Democrats aren't doing quite enough as I'd like, so I'll enable the active wrecking ball insane lunatics to get in power and ruin even the progress we HAVE managed to make!" Like. How does that even make sense?

On a federal level, the Greens have contributed nothing whatsoever of tangible value to American or international climate policy/legislation, environmental justice, or anything else, because as noted, they don't have any elected candidates and mostly focus on drawing voters away from Democrats. There might be plenty of good candidates on the local or city level, which -- great! Vote away for Greens if they're available, or the only other option is a Republican! But on the federal/primary level, please understand: once again, they are a scam. There is no point in affiliating yourself with them. You're welcome to register Green and vote Democratic, if that makes you feel better or if you prefer having another label next to your name, but once again, I'm telling you in my position as a salty Tumblr elder that they have done nothing but harm to the causes they claim to care about, because "environment" is such a nebulous priority and has demonstrably been hijacked to stop the American government entity, i.e. the Democrats, that is actually working to improve on it.

As for your question: nobody is "forcing" or "pressuring" you to vote in primaries. By your own admission, you made a conscious choice to register as a Democrat in order to vote for Democratic candidates. If you were just a regular registered voter of whatever party affiliation, you would vote in the general election for whatever candidate the primary process produced. But if you are sufficiently vested and committed to that process that you would like to have a say in who is running under that party label, it is not unreasonable that you would register as a member of that party. Nobody has twisted your arm behind your back and made you do so; you are taking a considerable level of initiative on your own. Likewise, open primaries can be both a good and bad thing. This falls under the "the political system we have is flawed, but we can't magically pretend it doesn't exist and act according to our own fantasyland versions of reality" thing that I keep saying over and over. So yes, if you want a role in shaping the Democratic candidates who emerge from a Democratic primary process, you will usually register as a Democrat, and nobody has forced you to do that. It's that simple.

Likewise as a general programming note: I'm trying to cut back on politics a bit right now, because I don't have the spoons/bandwidth/mental health to deal with it. I apologize. So if you've sent me a politics-related ask recently and haven't received a response, I'm not deliberately or maliciously ignoring you; I just am not able to handle it as much as usual and will have to put it on pause. However, I feel as if this is important enough to be worth saying, so, yeah.

[mdabdulaziz]

- StickHome decor ideas are important to make your home look more welcoming and beautiful.

You can use the following tips for decorating your home:

- Hang artwork in a central location

- Use color strategicallyto one color scheme or use complementary colors

—

There are some great home decor ideas that can be implemented to make your house look more beautiful  home decoration ideas

.

1) A good idea is to paint the walls in different colors. It doesn't have to be the same color on all the walls but it should not be a pattern either.

2) Use a rug in front of your door and put a mat outside of it. This will make your house feel more welcoming and also help you keep the floor clean.

3) Hang something on the wall like paintings, photos or posters that represent something you love or want to remember so whenever you see them, they will remind you of why you live there.

—

Home decorating is a passion for many people. It can be an expensive hobby, but it can also be inexpensive if you know how to do it right.

There are so many ways to decorate your home that there's no need to spend a fortune on new furniture and décor. With just a little creativity, you can make your house look like something out of a magazine without spending thousands of dollars.

One of the best ways to save money when decorating is with DIY projects. There are plenty of tutorials online that will show you how to create beautiful decorations at home with materials that you have around the house or items from the dollar store.

—

A good home decoration idea can be a simple and inexpensive way to transform your space. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to make you feel good about living in your home.

There are plenty of ways to decorate your home that won't cost much. You can buy a new throw pillow or a new lampshade, paint the walls, and add some plants.

—

Decorating a home is an art. It requires creativity and a sense of style. Here are some tips on how to decorate your home in a creative way.

It is not necessary to spend too much money on expensive furniture for your home. You can get creative by using objects that you find in your house or by buying some inexpensive items from the store.

If you want to make your room look more elegant, add some soft lighting and candles around the room.

—

Home decoration is one of the most important aspects of our lives. It's what we spend the most time in and it's what we're constantly working on. There are many ways to decorate your home, but you need to make sure that it is something that you will love living in.

There are a number of different things that you can do to spruce up your home and make it feel more like a home. You can change up the paint color, add furniture, or even move around some of the decorations that you already have.

The first thing that you want to do when decorating your home is to figure out what kind of style you want for your house. This will help guide all of the decisions that you make during this process and let you know if there are any items in your house that don't fit with your style home decor ideas.

[loud-whistling-yes]

You gotta love headcanons. I can draw a character with scoliosis and no one can fucking stop me or tell me no. Fuck you. Your blorbo's spine is a curly fry now.

[mcytfanfictionappreciationweek]

Runs from January 21st to January 27th, 2024

7 days of fanfiction appreciation for all our fandom writers!

Everyone from all corners of MCYTblr are welcome to participate. No matter how large or small your favorite SMP or creator is, there is a space for everyone.

Many fandom events focus on providing tasks for artists and writers, but very little are made with the people who enjoy and appreciate that work in mind as participants. Lurkers and enjoyers and love posters are just as important to the fandom, so this is a space for us to do our thing and spread the love 💗

How to Participate

There will be 3 kinds of planned activities hosted on this blog, but there is no single correct way to participate, as long you’re uplifting others. The activities and prompts are meant to be a guideline and source of inspiration. You don’t have to burn yourself out by participating every day or in every activity.

Keep this space positive and abide by standard fandom etiquette. Be mindful of tags and if you don’t think you’ll like a work, don’t click and read it!

Share the love; one goal of this challenge is to help authors who’ve been overlooked feel appreciated for their contribution to the fandom. If you’re up to it, try and use this challenge as a way to break from your comfort zone and uplift others who you haven’t seen get any attention yet.

Note: This doesn’t mean to not send love to any ‘bigger authors’ whose work you admire, and we are not entertaining any discourse related to the size of one’s following.

Use the tag ‘mcytfanficappreciationweek’ for your recommendation lists related to this event and we will reblog them here!

Activities

(Under the cut!)

Reading and Recommendation Challenge

Find a fic that fits the theme of the day and give it a read/comment! Then if you’re up for it, share the recommendation in a post on tumblr and use the event tag. You can make individual posts for each day, or create a wrap-up at the end of the week.

It is both allowed and encouraged to engage with fics whose authors don’t have any linked social media presence. This is not exclusive to authors on tumblr.

January 21st (Day 1: Something New)

Read and comment on a fic written by an author whose work you’ve never commented on before

January 22nd (Day 2: Hidden Gems)

Read and comment on a fic that currently has no comments

Or, feel free to share and recommend a fic whose only comment is your own

January 23rd (Day 3: Underrated Blorbos)

Read and comment on a fic centered on a character of whom you’ve never read as a main POV (the less fics the character is tagged in, the better!)

January 24th (Day 4: Rarepair Extravaganza)

Read and comment on a fic with a character relationship tag (that’s central to the fic, no cheating with ensembles!) that has less than 500 tagged works

For fandoms with <1000 works, use 50 tagged works as a threshold (or your best judgment)

For fandoms with <100 works, use 5 tagged works as a threshold (or your best judgment)

Can be either romantic (using the “/”) or platonic (using the “&”)

January 25th (Day 5: A Blast from the Past)

Read and comment on a fic that was last updated before 2023 (complete or in progress!)

January 26th (Day 6: Canon? Who is she?)

Read and comment on a fic with any ‘Alternate Universe’ tag of your choosing

Canon divergent fics or split timelines count!

January 27th (Day 7: Procrastination Termination)

Read and comment on a fic that you’ve had ‘saved for later’ or opened in a new tab but never got to reading

Or, finish catching up to a multichapter fic that you fell behind on and comment on it

Author Interaction

Send authors who are active on tumblr questions about their work! Ideas/prompts for each day are written below.

January 21st (Day 1: Something New)

Ask an author about future writing projects or ideas that still only exist in their head

January 22nd (Day 2: Hidden Gems)

Ask an author about one of their least-kudosed fics

January 23rd (Day 3: Underrated Blorbos)

Ask an author about something they’re excited or passionate about

January 24th (Day 4: Rarepair Extravaganza)

Ask an author about one of their favorite ships (romantic or just a platonic relationship!)

January 25th (Day 5: A Blast from the Past)

Ask an author about past fandoms they may have participated in or their journey as a fic writer in general

January 26th (Day 6: Canon? Who is she?)

Ask an author about an AU or headcanon of theirs

January 27th (Day 7: Procrastination Termination)

Ask an author about their writing process

Love Posting

Too shy to reach out to someone you admire directly? Write them an anonymous message in our inbox and we will post it and tag their blog for you! (Please be sure to include their blog name so we know who to tag).

Note: If we suspect that your message is back-handed or being hateful towards another group in the community, it will be deleted. If you believe your message was deleted in error, feel free to send this blog a DM about it.

And finally…. If you are an author remember that even if you don’t receive a message or new readers during the course of this event, you are still a valued member of this community. With the size of our fandom, it is impossible to give every single author their due recognition. You are appreciated for your contribution to this fandom, and every fic that is written makes our fandom a more vibrant, wonderful place to be. We love you for the time and effort you put in the art of your creation and we are privileged that you choose to share it for us to enjoy!

[goodomenscalendar]

What is this? | Submit your own event!

Ongoing Events

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I Like Pears is a Good Omens cookbook fanzine with a focus on food, beverages, stories, art, and the recipes that accompany these works. This digital zine is free, but any donations collected before April 19th will be sent to World Central Kitchen! - Tumblr - Twitter - Instagram -

GOAD: A Week of WAMEN | Running until May 1

Get your femme ineffable content ready! We want to see your art, soak up your fics, read your comments and meta of all things femme Good Omens! The week-long event will kick off when we reach 8008 members! - Reddit - Tumblr -

It Began in a Garden Zine | Pre-orders open now!

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Good Omens for Palestine | Fundraising open now!

Good Omens for Palestine: A Charity Fanzine is a project dedicated to raising money for Palestinian aid. All proceeds will be donated to the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRWA). - Tumblr - Twitter - Instagram -

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Charity digital zine focused on Bildad era Crowley, fundraising period to benefit RAINN and Safeline! There are 2 editions available for instant download, plus digital extras. Both SFW (shoemaking) and NSFW (obstetrics) versions available! - Tumblr - Twitter - Instagram - Bluesky -

Ineffable Romans Contest | Submit your entries now!

Write, draw, cosplay or more the Ineffable Romans and tag @angellilou-art to be included in the digital version of the Ineffable Romans illustrated book! Three lucky pieces will be chosen to be featured in the printed version! Both SFW and NSFW content allowed. - Tumblr - Kickstarter -

Good Omens Minisode Minibang | 16+ | Sign-ups open now!

A reverse bang revolving around the theme of Good Omens historical minisodes. Both SFW and SFW content allowed. - Tumblr -

Good Omens Fairy Tale Bang | Artist Sign-ups open now!

This is a Good Omens Mini Bang themed entirely around Fairy Tales! Writing your own or adapting a favorite! All versions of all Fairy Tales and Mythology are welcome! Both SFW and NSFW content allowed. - Tumblr -

Good Omens Spooky Bang | Sign-ups open now!

A spooky Good Omens bang to kick off the autumn season! Whether it's Aziraphale pumpkin-picking, a pumpkin spice latte coffee shop AU, or Hell hosting a Halloween bash, you're invited to the Spooky Bang! Both SFW and NSFW content allowed. - Tumblr -

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Calling all monster-fuckers! A Good Omens bang devoted to monster banging. - Tumblr -

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Upcoming Events

DIWS: Silver Screen Bang | Sign-ups open April 19

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High Pollen Count! | 18+ | Posting begins April 22

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A classic big bang, all about Good Omens! Both SFW and NSFW content allowed. - Tumblr -

[fauxbia]

This is Paths Left Untaken! She/Any, Aroace.

She's an Iterator OC that I love so much and inflict endless horrors on. She's just your basic Iterator, made to find the Solution without many particularly noteworthy quirks. Really, she's nothing special. And that fact is agonizing.

Paths Left Untaken was made primarily out of obligation rather than genuine passion. Her creators were a group of people interested in finding ways to streamline the Iterator construction process, and since more Iterators is always better, they were always working on one Project or another. As such, her creators and administrators never particularly cared about her all that much. She was just another Iterator Project they had completed, and now it was time to take the lessons they had learned when building her to move on to the next.

Even worse, this approach to Iterator construction resulted in Paths Left Untaken being relatively poorly constructed. There were two notable examples of this. The first was a persistent bug in her priority queue that would occasionally cause new priorities to either completely overwrite everything else in the queue or fail to be properly added, resulting in her being extremely distractible and having issues with focus.

The second was the arrangement of all of her most important components—including the entirety of her AI—, being concentrated completely in the core of her structure, within her Central Cortex, instead of distributed throughout Her creators reasoned that this arrangement would allow her quicker processing speed and power, but the end difference was negligible from standard Iterator processing. Rather, it inadvertently ensured that if anything negative happened in her Central Cortex, Paths Left Untaken would be incapacitated.

As a result of the neglect she faced, Paths Left Untaken was desperate to earn her administrators’ approval. She would spend long stretches of time focusing only on the Great Problem, ignoring everything else (including her own wellbeing) to run countless simultaneous high-intensity processes so that she might achieve results that would make her creators notice her as more than “just another Project.” But it was extremely difficult on account of her trouble with focusing, and it never really worked anyway. It only ever left her burnt out and hurt from repeated dismissal.

After a very long while of this, it occurred to her that she was never going to be anything but just another Project to her creators and nothing she could do would ever change that. Out of spite and pain at the rejection, she turned in the exact opposite direction and decided that if her creators were never going to acknowledge her efforts anyway, then she wasn’t going to do what they built her to do. She instead turned her focus to getting acquainted with her own Local Group, hoping to find validation in her peers rather than in her superiors.

However, she was received with caution, as she had never actually made any efforts to talk with them before. From their perspective, she was focused only on the Problem and didn’t care about them at all, and this sudden change was jarring and suspicious. But Paths’ neglect of her groupmates wasn’t out of malice like they thought; she just genuinely forgot they existed for a while as she focused on seeking approval. The only exception to this was her Senior, who was barely tolerant of her anyway on account of her extreme distractability and overly eager to please demeanor.

In the end, her groupmates never really welcomed her. She acted a lot younger than she actually was due to her neglect, and was turbulent between extreme people-pleasing and bouts of pain-fueled anger at them and her creators for not acknowledging her. She was a mess, to put it lightly, and her groupmates were just… uncomfortable around her. So they stopped engaging with her, and eventually she got the hint and stopped trying to earn their approval, too.

The Mass Ascension was a horribly traumatic event for Paths Left Untaken. It basically proved to her that she meant nothing to any of her citizens, if they could all abandon her without a second thought. Now she could never earn their approval, and she was left drifting without purpose or acknowledgement. Her pain meant nothing. All of her groupmates were hurt by the Mass Ascension. She wasn’t special for having been traumatized by it. She was still unremarkable. She was “Just Paths.” And that’s all she would ever be.

Paths Left Untaken was alone for a while following the Mass Ascension.

And if I draw anymore I think my hand is actually going to explode, so! I'm just going to wrap this post up here. This was a basic overview of Paths Left Untaken pre-MA, and a lot more happens to her after the Mass Ascension. Like, a lot more. Girlie was selected by the universe to Suffer A Lot, Actually. Like she did absolutely nothing to deserve any of it but sure I guess.

Anyway! Feel free to ask me stuff about her so I have prompts to talk more! And maybe draw! Time and hand permitting! I am so mentally ill about the silly little characters <3

[luckykiwiii101]

The Blair Bitch Project

And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell. You know you love me. XoXo - Gossip Girl 💋 💌

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♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious, but I’ve got a feeling this winter could be your last season on this app. Let’s face it, I’ve been at this a long time. But age breeds wisdom. And this I know: the best is yet to come.

From all around the world our favourite Upper east siders are asking the same question. “How do i get what i want?!”

“Why can’t I have it?!?! ughhh this isn’t fair!!!”

Well, call me crazy, but bitching about it, won’t get you to your final destination. Only if you use it the right way………

Think fast B, bitch about it? or BITCH about it?

Yes, I’m talking about the Blair BITCH Project.

Since the Blair Witch Project is SO LAST SEASON, I’ve got something new to bring to the table. And no, it’s not a 5 star meal, it’s much sweeter, or should i say sour.

No one said being a Bitch would be easy.

Well……I could make an exception if your name is Georgina Sparks or Serena Van Der Woodsen. But the Bitchiest Bitch of all Bitches Is our Queen B, Blair Waldorf. It’s the season to put on your louboutons and do what you do best, Bitch about it.

They say history repeats itself. But looks like B is charting a brand new course to success. Who knew being such a B-word would get you so far? Gotta take a few notes from Queen B herself.

As Blair said “You can’t make people love you but you can make them fear you.”

Yes i’m talking about those pesky little negative assumptions you hold in that thick little head of yours. Holding on to the seats on the limousine like Blair and Chuck. Speaking of Chuck, let’s Chuck those assumptions away, far far away.

“How am I going to do that?”

Just be yourse-

Oops. The inner Georgina jumped out just there. I was going to say be a bitch, but I guess there’s no difference……… (Just kidding……or am I? XoXo. Nothing Gossip Girl loves more than a little mystery).

It’s B’s party, and she’ll cry if she wants to. Everytime you open this app, you will bitch about how easy it is for you to enter the void state and how you always wake up in it. It’s your choice really. Vaunt about it in your posts, or the replies to any void related post you see. Bitch about it randomly in your mind everytime the void state comes to mind. Shouldn’t be difficult for a Stage 5 Bitch.

Careful ladies and gents. It’s easy to fall into the valley of overconsumption. Maybe you’ll even come across a faux bitch claiming to own a Chanel purse, but when they’ve been caught red handed, you may even start to think that you can’t have a Chanel purse. How tragic.



Fuel that energy into full bitch mode and vaunt your anger/frustration/sadness/irritation into bitching all about it, and replacing those ugly assumptions with prettier ones. They need a serious MAKEOVER! Ew.

SPOTTED: B taking what seemed like a innocent little stroll down central park, but we all know everything B does is NEVER innocent. She’s been caught RED handed, drowning her two-faced wannabes (negative assumptions) in a lake in central park, after crying them a river (vaunting) and drowning them in it. A classic Blair Bitch move. I like it.

Wait……? Can you hear that? It’s B. She’s at it again. OH EM GEE! Cover your ears. It’s a full blown bitch attack!!!!

Blair:

“OH MY GOD, I SWEAR I CANNOT EVEN CLOSE MY EYES WITHOUT ENTERING THE VOID STATE! I EVEN HEAR SOME STUPID BITCHES GOSSIPING ABOUT HOW I ALWAYS ENTER THE VOID STATE WITHIN 2 MINUTES! IT’S SO FRICKING ANNOYING! WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!???!! UGH THEY WISH THEY WERE LIKE ME, THE PERFECT VOID MASTER! AS IF THEY COULD EVER! THIS IS WAY TOO EASY, IT’S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO STRUGGLE! LIKE HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH THE EASIEST THING ON THE PLANET! THAT’S LIKE BELIEVING THAT IT’S DIFFICULT TO BLINK OR SOMETHING!UGH IM WAYYYY TOO GOOD AT THIS!IT’S EASIER THAN FRICKINF BREATHING! UGHHHHHHHH!!!”

Negative Assumption:

“No you can’t hahahah ur so ba-.”

Blair:

“BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP! DOROTA!!! COME CLEAN THIS LITTLE SHIT UP! IT’S PISSING ME OFF! IM TOO GOOD AT THIS LMFAO! WHY IS IT SO EASY?!UGHHHH I COULD LITERALLY JUST SLAP SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! MY POWER COULD PROBABLY SEND THEM INTO THE VOID STATE OR SOMETHING!!! I ALWAYS WAKE UP IN THE VOID STATE. IT’S LITERALLY NOTHING. NO BIG DEAL. I’M USED TO IT ANYWAY!!!”

Careful ladies and gents. B might be the Big Bad Wolf in designer clothing.

Don’t become a bitch in the process……Or do, I don’t care. I see you. XoXo.

Still reading an American Horror Story? Close than damned book and open a new one. Just make sure it’s not the sequel. We don’t need a repeat of past……events.

[strangersteddierthings]

The Conversation

Final Part of The Interview [Part One] [Part Two] [Ao3]

Steve finishes putting on his boots, shoves a beanie on his head, and grabs his thermos of coffee before heading outside. Robin had texted when they left Pendleton so they should be arriving soon, and he wants to make sure the dogs stay clear of the driveway, and also finish some of the chores he is being lazy about. The mountain air is cold in February, and the snow is deep, but it's still warm for a winter day in Eastern Oregon.

His childhood house had been at the edge of a little forest. His current home is tucked away in the woods, trees for miles, and the nearest neighbor farther still than that. He's lived a lot of places, been able to see the whole of America almost, and in the process, he's learned that he'll always be a small-town boy. The real revelation is how at home he feels in this two-bedroom cabin sequestered away from any town at all. Sure, he's got to drive a little over half an hour to get to the nearest grocery store, but he's learned he likes that.

He's got 1600 acres of woods all to himself and the dogs. He's owned this property for almost four years, but recent events made him finally move out here. Originally, he'd bought it to make it as another flip project, but something in his gut told him to make it a vacation home / safe haven for his family instead. Robin, mainly, as a getaway from the LA life and overwhelming spotlight she'd started to face as her music career took off. He might be turning it into his permanent home and base of operations, but everyone knows they're still welcome.

Anyway, the day might be warm for winter, but the night won't be, so Steve sets his thermos on the top of the wooden railing of the porch and heads down the steps to the woodshed. The plan in the summer is to update the cabin, which includes adding central air and a good heating system, but until then, portable heaters are in the bedrooms and the wood stove gets the rest of the cabin. There's also plans to start the construction on the guest house. It's going to be a busy summer.

He replenishes the woodpile on the porch from the woodshed and debates chopping more but decides against it. That can be a tomorrow chore. Next is cleaning up the snow paths he's made previously. Doesn't want anyone falling on their ass on the way to the house, no matter how funny that'll be to watch. As usual, Pancake makes the task difficult because she wants to play with the snow shovel. Melody cries until he throws snow into the air by the shovel full for her to play in. Chowder, old man that he is, supervises from the porch, front paws hanging just off the top step.

It's rough going but he manages to complete the few chores, even with two dogs underfoot.

Steve is on the front porch, forearms holding his weight as he leans against the railing, thermos of coffee between his hands, taking in the afternoon sun and enjoying the silence when Dustin's work truck slides into the driveway. Almost literally, given the foot and a half of snow still on the ground. The driveway is long, okay. Steve's doesn't have enough time in his day to keep up with salting it all.

It'll be strange to see Eddie after all these years. He still can't believe Robin got him to come. When he'd asked how she did it, she brushed him off with an it's not important.

Speaking of Robin, she's the first person out of the truck, sliding out of the passenger seat and then cursing when she drops right into the snow. She shoots an accusatory look towards the cabin, and therefore Steve, like he placed the snow there himself, when the fault is Dustin, who has left the driver side with plenty of room between the truck and the snowbank.

Dustin gets out of the truck and Steve faintly hears him say this side, man, less snow before pushing his door closed and turning to brace himself as Pancake and Melody rush from the porch to circle like sharks, barely restraining themselves from jumping up. Chowder follows after slowly, taking his sweet time getting to Robin, his favorite human. Steve can't even be jealous about that because Robin is his favorite human, too.

The back driver side door opens, and he watches as Eddie Munson all but falls out of the truck. It's the least graceful anyone's looked getting out of the back of the truck and that's counting Chowder and his old man hips. Seeing Eddie again is- well, it's a lot of emotions all at once, but they're are all overshadowed at the moment by how Eddie looks... well, bad. His hair is longer than Steve's ever seen it, a little longer than mid-back length, but it looks like it hasn't seen a proper hair brush in a couple of days. Even from this distance Steve can see the bags under his eyes. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

He pushes himself off the railing and meanders down the two steps, waiting for them to notice he's waiting. Robin trudges out of the snow berm and to the front of the truck, where Chowder is waiting patiently for his pets and kisses. Dustin has managed to get Melody to stop hopping in front of him so she can get her side scratches, and Pancake has realized there is a new, third person with a set of hands currently not petting her, and is circling Eddie, waiting for him to reach down and pet her but he just stands completely still, heading tracking her in her circles.

"She's friendly, I promise," Steve calls out, which makes Eddie's head snap up to look for the source of the voice. Well, everyone looks, but Eddie looks like he's seeing a ghost, which. Fair. Steve kind of feels the same way.

"Hello, Dingus," Robin calls as she stands from her crouched position, where she's been cuddling Chowder. As soon as she stands, he starts making his way back to the porch. "I have delivered one Edward Keaton Munson. You are not allowed to ask anything of me for, at minimum, a year."

"Steve! Why didn't you tell me you knew the Eddie Munson?" Dustin shouts.

Robin is scoffing, clearly offended. "Am I not famous enough for you Henderson!?"

"Get back to me when you've run a 24-hour Dungeons and Dragons live stream for charity!" Dustin shoots back, then has to dodge Robin's half-hearted punch aimed for his arm.

Eddie stays silent, looking more pale than when he got out of the truck. Steve's a little concerned he's going to faint.

"You been living under a rock, Dustin?" Steve asks. "My knowing him is apparently the only thing on the internet currently."

Dustin puts his whole head into the eye roll. "You spend a month backpacking with your girlfriend in the southern hemisphere and you never get to hear the end of it. I told you I'd catch up on your drama after I catch up on my DnD Live Plays."

"You also missed me winning a Grammy, you know."

"I thought Steve's thing was more important?"

"You are impossible, Henderson."

"You guys going to argue in the snow all afternoon, or do you want to come inside?" Steve says then places his fingers in his mouth and whistles. Melody and Pancake dash for the front door, where Chowder is already waiting. Dustin, Robin, and a still eerily quiet Eddie fall into line to walk the trail to the porch Steve had cleared.

Steve jumps the steps, grabs his thermos, lets the dogs in, and then holds the door for everyone else. Robin and Dustin breeze past, but Eddie slows, eyes jumping around Steve's face as they just look at each other for a moment. Eddie opens, then closes, then opens, then closes his mouth.

"Hi," Steve offers up, shifting a foot to hold the door open so he can wave his fingers at Eddie.

Eddie swallows thickly, then whispers back, "hey."

"In the house, Eddie. Don't want to let too much cold in," Steve tilts his head towards the doorway.

"Oh, right, sorry," that kick starts Eddie again and he crosses the threshold, Steve close behind.

Robin and Dustin are currently occupying the bench just inside the door, taking off their shoes. Once Dustin has his boots off, he leaves the bench, heading to the kitchen. Eddie seems lost, just standing in the entryway, so Steve takes the spot Dustin just left and proceeds to undo the laces on his boots. He gets one boot done by the time Robin stands, wandering after Dustin once she's hung up her coat, scarf, and gloves. Eddie doesn't move still, so Steve pats the empty spot beside him.

"No shoes in the cabin. Dogs track in enough snow, don't need us doing it too," Steve says, then busies himself with his other boot.

He sees Eddie sit and begin to untie his- jesus, he's not even wearing boots. Just a black pair of sneakers. Eddie unties his shoes in silence, sitting rather stiffly next to Steve.

This quiet, obedient Eddie is not what he expected.

"You want something to drink?" Steve asks, once both of them are free of their shoes.

"No, thank you."

"Alright. Have a seat, then," he gestures towards the couch. The cabin door opens up directly into the living area, which Steve has set up as 3/4th a living room and 1/4th dining room, in that a small kitchen table is along the far wall. Beyond that wall is the kitchen, where Robin and Dustin are undoubtedly helping themselves to his coffee or hot chocolate.

Eddie shuffles off to sit on the edge of the couch, as close to the armrest as he can get. Now that Steve can see him closer, he can see he's added more piercing to his face than just the eyebrow ring he wore in high school. Snake bites, a septum piercing, and a second eyebrow ring next to the original. He's sure that if Eddie's hair wasn't covering his ears, he'd see more metal there. Eddie had hung up the coat he'd been wearing but under that is a hoodie he didn't take off, so Steve can only guess if he ever got those tattoos he'd been planning in high school. His entire outfit is black, which just makes him look sickly in the cabin lighting.

Steve drops himself into the chair facing the couch. It's Melody's favorite chair to curl up in, but Steve thinks she'll forgive him for taking it. There's tension in the room, so he tries to break it. "You look like you've seen a ghost, dude."

Eddie makes a weird nose, almost a whimper or a whine, but before he can say anything, Robin rounds the wall, holding a mug of hot liquid and she says, "Oh, I'm sure he feels that he has. I didn't tell me we were coming to see you."

"Robin!" Steve is shocked.

"What? You said you wouldn't mind getting some closure, so I got him here. Does it matter how?" She takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch from Eddie, making a show of how comfortable she is in the space by sitting cross-legged and leaning back against the couch, in comparison to Eddie who is sitting up completely straight, barely on the couch with how close to the edge he's sitting.

"Yeah, it does! If he's not here voluntarily- if Eddie doesn't want to talk to me you can't-"

"I do," Eddie says. It grabs Steve and Robin's attention and Steve sees Eddie almost wilt under their twin stares. He clears his throat before continuing, "I mean, I would have come still, if she'd told me. I do want to talk to you. Apologize for.... for everything. So much I don't even know where to begin, or how."

"Uhh, this feels like something personal," Dustin says from where he's standing with his own mug, hovering nearby. "Should I be here for this?"

Good question. Steve doesn't care if Robin and Dustin hear what they talk about, but Eddie might. "How about we just relax a bit. How was the drive?"

Eddie scrunches his face, a half confused expression on his face.

"Fine," Robin says at the same time Dustin says, "Tense as fuck."

"Those two things don't seem like they match," Steve says.

Dustin moves to plop himself on the couch in between Eddie and Robin, then quietly curses as his drink sloshes over the edge of the mug. He starts mopping at it with the sleeve of his shirt as he says, "Robin is a liar. The tension in the truck is going to linger that's how bad it was. I'll be feeling the tension every time I get in the rig. Clients will feel the tension when I pull up to their curbs!"

"It was not that bad!" Robin swats Dustin. Successfully this time, since there's no way for him to dodge unless he wants to spill his drink again.

Steve just laughs. "Robs, light of my life, mate of my soul, knowing you and your grudges, Dustin's probably going easy on the description of the tension here."

"Well, there wouldn't be tension if I was allowed to say what I want to say."

"Can we go, like, five minutes without your negativity?"

"My negativity!? I'm not negative, I'm rational and level-headed!"

"You are not sounding very level-headed right now."

Dustin chimes in, "Steve's right. Level-headed people don't have to shout that they're level-headed."

"What say you, Eds?" Steve asks, the old nickname slipping out. He doesn't have time to be embarrassed about it though.

Eddie stands quickly and flings his hands in the air, having reached an invisible limit Steve is unaware of, pacing about the living room as he basically shouts, "Why don't you hate me!? You should hate me! I hate me! I can't- why are you just sitting there, trying to have a-a decent conversation with me? You should be screaming at me! You should be mad! Why aren't you? My fuckin' song ruined your life!"

The silence in the living room is heavy following that, all eyes on Eddie. Even the dogs, who had been in various states of sleep, lift their heads and look in Eddie's direction.

He looks mortified by the out burst, and his face turns red. "I-I'm sorry. I- I'm just, I'm sorry. I need air."

They all watch silently as Eddie jams his shoes back on and goes out the front door without tying them or grabbing his coat.

Steve sighs, deep and annoyed. At Robin and himself. He looks to Robin and she looks shocked by Eddie's outburst. She was watching the door, but turns her head to meet Steve's eye, a small frown on her face.

"Well, it's not like he's going far," Dustin says. "You going after him?"

"I don't know if I should."

Dustin scoffs. "Don't be an idiot, of course you should. We drug that guy to the middle of nowhere to talk to you. He agreed to come to the middle of nowhere even though I could have been a hit man hired by Robin to off him in the woods and he didn't even complain. Didn't even question. I don't know what happened, but I think you two need talk it over."

Steve blinks at Dustin. "Since when did you get so wise?"

"I've always been wise. You just refuse to see it with your ageism. Go. Robin can fill me in on the beef, here in the toasty, cozy cabin, while you two chat in the cold, and freeze your asses off."

"I don't have ageism-"

"Wrong argument to be having, Steve!" Dustin interrupts. "And take another cup of coffee with you. Even if he doesn't drink it, dude doesn't have gloves either so y'know, warm the hands."

Steve does just that. Fills his other thermos with coffee, taking a chance by adding cream and sugar, before putting his boots, coat, and beanie back on. He throws Eddie's coat over his arm and tucks both thermos' against his body with that same arm so he can have a free hand to open the door.

Eddie isn't far. He's pacing back and forth in front of the truck, talking to himself.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, Steve steps off the porch and makes his way to Eddie. "Hey."

The pacing stops and Eddie turns to look at Steve. They just look at each other as Steve approaches. Steve doesn't stop until he's close enough to reach out and touch before he shuffles the two thermos's to his other arm and extends the one with Eddie's coat on it out.

"Thank you," Eddie says, taking the coat and shoving himself into it quickly.

"Brought you coffee, too," Steve holds out one thermos and after a pause, Eddie takes it, too, then almost instantly brings his other hand up to cradle it, warming his fingers.

He looks up from the thermos and meets Steve's eye. "I am sorry, Steve. I'm sorry for how things ended between us, and for the song I wrote, and for-for not thinking about how people would be able to work out that you were the Steve from Hey Steve. You should hate me for that alone. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened because I didn't think of the consequences."

"I don't- I don't hate you man. Not... not anymore. Not for a long time."

"Well, you should!"

Steve frowns. He wants to argue because who is Eddie to tell him how he should feel? But that's not going to help anything. "When Robin called me. During her interview after the Grammy's and asked if she could tell the truth I never- I didn't know what she meant by the truth. But. Well, nothing she said was a lie, but it wasn't the full story."

Eddie stays silent, seemingly waiting for Steve to continue.

"Those first two years after our breakup were- I'm not going to lie, they were fucking awful. I think I received my first bit of hate mail the very same day Hey Steve released. It was harsh. All from the same person, but sent to my Facebook and my Twitter and Instagram. Guess they really wanted me to read it.

"And then, with each passing day, a new person, new message, just as awful. After three days I deleted Instagram and Twitter. Then I locked down Facebook but like- physical letters showed up at my house. I can't lie, it certainly felt like you'd ruined my life."

Eddie makes a wounded sound at that. "That's because I did! What I did was unforgivable and-"

"You don't get to decide for me if I forgive you or not!" Steve snaps. "I haven't actually said I did forgive you, did I? All I've said is I don't hate you."

That gets Eddie quiet again for a moment, then he says, "you ended up hospitalized because of me."

"Robin said I ended up hospitalized, and that's true, but it wasn't- It was more complicated that just being your, and your fans', fault. For people who were supposedly on 'your side' of our breakup, they used a lot of homophobic language. That's how my mom found out. The letters were easy enough to just get rid of because all the bad shit was on the inside, but someone sent a post card, and mom collected the mail that day. It's... I don't like talking about this."

"Then don't," Eddie is quick to say, "you don't have to explain anything to me, or make yourself relive these events. It's- you don't owe that to me."

"I think I need to. I wrote you a song, said I'd do it all again, and I meant that. I want you to understand why. Just. Just give me a minute."

Eddie nods and takes a sip of his coffee. He looks pleasantly surprised and takes bigger drink before his face falls into a frown as he stares down at the thermos and Steve has to look away. He turns and squeezes his eyes shut to continue. "Mom showed the postcard to my father, and he confronted me that evening. It was.... it didn't start off bad. He asked if it was true. That I was gay. I made a choice, then. I didn't have to; I could have lied. I could have told him I was straight and that I didn't understand what the postcard was saying, but I didn't.

"I knew how he felt about queer people, and I told him the truth anyway. I was bisexual. I thought it was a miracle that he didn't kick me out instantly. Instead, he calmly asked me if that meant I liked woman. I said it meant I liked more than just woman.

"Then he told me that didn't matter. That so long as I liked woman, I would be with a woman, and that we never had to speak of this again. And I told him no. He didn't get to decide that for me. He said that he would rather have a dead son than a faggot one. And I thought- I never- surely he was just meaning, like, metaphorically, right? Like, he'd disown me, kick me out or something so I scoffed and said- God, I was so stupid. I knew it wasn't safe, but I was so angry at him, I shouted 'dead or alive, I'm your faggot son so deal with it.' And he- he said 'dead it is' and he attacked me."

He hears Eddie suck in a breath, hears the crunch of snow in what could only be Eddie taking a step towards him but stopping after just one step. Steve doesn't know if he wants Eddie to close the distance and give him the hug he knows Eddie wants to do. Steve doesn't know if he'd welcome the embrace or not. He sucks in his own shaky breath, and continues, "He almost beat me to death that night. The only reason he didn't was because mom dialed 911," Steve turns around, looks at Eddie and sees the tears falling down his own face reflected on Eddie. "As far as I know, dad's still serving time for his attempted murder, so like, at least I don't have to worry about him. And mom... I don't even know what to think of that.

"She called 911, didn't want to see me die, I guess, but also couldn't have a gay son. She sold the house, and everything in it, while I was still in the hospital, and just... disappeared. Robin's family took me in. She told that story during the interview, you knoe, but I wasn't even at the house when that guy with the gun showed up. I was meeting with a lawyer.

"She-Mom was- I don't know what she was trying to do but she gave me the family business. The whole company! It felt like she was trying to buy my forgiveness, except she didn't ask for it and still hasn't contacted me. It's like... she felt guilty about what happened but hated me at the same time. Felt she needed to do something to alleviate her guilt? Or maybe she just wanted to cut herself free of the whole Harrington name; free herself from me and my father. I don't think I'll ever get closure for that one."

Steve quits talking, needs to take another moment. He'd already rambled on about more than he meant to but talking to Eddie had always done that to him. Afterall, before they dated, they'd been friends. He sips at his coffee, not knowing what else to say.

"Jesus, Stevie, I'm so sorry. I didn't know- It's no excuse but I'm just so sorry."

He doesn't think Eddie knows he called him Stevie, but it's nice to hear. "So, see, it wasn't your fault. Your song set things into motion, for sure, so it's nice to hear an apology, but like, if anyone is the bad guy in this situation, it's Richard Harrington."

"But Robin said she just had to help you move to here. That you still get hate mail, and doxxed. That's on me. I saw your list of addresses, Steve! You've had to move, like, eight times a year!"

Steve can't help the cackle that springs from him. He surprises himself with the laugh, and Eddie, too, if his wide eyes and eyebrows hidden behind his bangs are any indication. "I- yeah, I move a lot. And yes, this most recent move was because of a brick with Hey Steve scratched into it broke my living room window, but like, I've only had to move because of harassment like, four times, if I'm counting the whole mom-selling-the-house thing."

"What?"

Steve holds up a finger, adding a new one as he counts them out. "Mom sold house. Scary gun guy at Robin's. The year anniversary of your first album's release. I was still in Hawkins, figuring out what to do with all the money I'd, uhh, inherited I guess, so I was easy to find. And the most recent one. Not sure what inspired it this time. Usually, the hate mail resurges when you go on tour, but it's less and less every time. Anyway, none of those other moves are because of crazy fans."

Eddie blinks at him, a picture of confusion. "But I found a YouTube video and that guy- he showed all your old addresses. He said- I thought..."

"Well, there are a lot of addresses. But not because of your fans. I move for my job. Do you... did you even read the truck?" Steve gestures to Dustin's truck and Eddie steps around to see the printed H&H Project Flip and below that is their website.

Eddie looks back to Steve like that answers nothing. Which, fair, but it would answer a lot of questions if Eddie had looked up the website. "After that surge of anniversary hate, I knew I needed to get out of Hawkins. Robin was graduated, then, and headed to college. I decided I wanted to see more than just Hawkins. I followed Robin to college in Chicago, and uh, bought a house. A real fixer upper but that was fine. I had plenty of money to throw into it. On a whim I thought, what if I try to fix it. I had a lot of free time and if it ended up badly, I could afford to pay a professional to fix whatever I broke. I found that I loved doing that."

He's still just being looked at like he's not making sense.

Steve rolls his eyes, "I flip houses, dude. Me and Dustin. Harrington and Henderson Project Flip. I was in Chicago for three years, lots of addresses for that city. But then Robin pointed out there were a lot of states. That I should see all 50 of 'em by renovating a house in each. She'd moved in with her then-girlfriend by this time, so she said I should go. See the States at the least. So, I did. I find it easier to just live in the house I'm renovating, so I'm not paying mortgage and then rent somewhere else in the same city."

Eddie looks like he's had a rug pulled out from under him and he lets out a laugh that's a little hysterical.

"And moving so much has allowed me to meet so many amazing people, y'know? I got friends in all the states. So, like, yeah, you did ruin my life, but like, just my life from 18 to 20. So, yeah, I'd do it all again. Did you think I've been living in perpetual misery for the last ten years?"

"Robin certainly made it easy to assume that, so yeah!"

"I think she did that on purpose. To hurt you back."

"I deserve it," Eddie says. "I didn't even try to check in on you. Well, once, but when I couldn't find you on any socials I just. Gave up."

Steve shrugs. "I didn't reach out either. And if you'll remember, I broke up with you. Screamed in your face that we were over and went home."

"I don't know when, or even if, Corroded Coffin will tour again, but I swear to you, we'll never play or release Hey Steve again. And I'll release a statement, or go on camera, or something, and address this. I can't make it right, but I can make a change starting now, to do better and be better," Eddie says this while gripping his thermos to death.

"I believe you, and I forgive you."

Eddie nods grimly, then looks from Steve to the cabin, and back to Steve. "Do you think Robin will ever forgive me?"

"I don't know. You hurt her pretty badly, too. We were all best friends in school and when we broke up, you cut off Robin, too. And then, when she started to gain her own fame- I think when she first moved to LA, she thought you'd try to reach out. But you never did."

A silence falls over them, and Steve refuses to break it. He's done enough talking. They drink their coffees 'til they're empty before Eddie speaks.

"Where does this leave us?"

Steve thinks about it before answering. "You were my best friend before you were my boyfriend. You'd been in my life longer than you've been out of it. We don't have to be anything. We can have our closure and go our separate ways, if you'd prefer. But, I think I'd like another chance at being your friend."

"I can do friend," Eddie says slowly, like he's picking his words carefully. "I can. But, full transparency, I think I still love you."

It hurts to hear, after all the pain and the time, and it's a bittersweet kind of hurt. "I'll always love you, Eds. I meant it, you know, every word of the song. But I don't know if we can, or should, try again. We were so good until we weren't."

Tears spring from Eddie's eyes when Steve says he loves him, and they don't stop falling even as he's nodding along with everything Steve says. "No, I know. I know. I just, I needed you to know. Friend is, it's so fucking great. More than I ever expected, and certainly more than I dared hope."

"Come on. Let's go inside where it's warm and chat with Dustin and Robin like civilized people. I need a break from the heavy talk."

"Yeah. Me too. Thank you, Steve. For the chance."

Steve shrugs and shoots him a crooked grin. "Yeah, well, ruin this a second time and Robin will rip you to shreds on live TV, probably."

There's more to talk about. More hurts to heal and things to discuss, Steve knows. And maybe after all the talking, they'll learn they've changed too much to even be friends. But that'll be okay, because if that's how it goes, it'll be because they talked it out instead of screaming at each other in a living room.

If they've changed too much, this time, it'll end gently.

It doesn't stop Steve from letting a little bit of hope in. That this won't end, that they can find a way to be in each other's lives again.

As friends, or more.

[mysticstronomy]

HOW DO WE KNOW HOW THE MILKY WAY LOOKS LIKE??

Blog#362

Saturday, December 30th, 2023

Welcome back,

This is the spiral galaxy NGC 2835, imaged by the impeccable, seemingly timeless Hubble Space Telescope.

And this is NGC 1132, an elliptical galaxy captured through the tandem efforts of Hubble and NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory.

We know what both of these breathtakingly beautiful galaxies look like because we can see them from afar. How then do we know what our own Milky Way galaxy looks like, seeing as how we are inside it?

While we've never been able to zoom out and take a true galactic selfie, there are numerous observations that clue us in to the structure of our home galaxy. The greatest hint comes from looking at other galaxies. While there are perhaps two trillion in our observable universe, surprisingly, they only seem to come in three discernable varieties: spiral, elliptical, and irregular.

Spiral galaxies have a mostly flat disk with a bright central bulge and arms that swirl out from the middle. Elliptical galaxies tend to be round or oval with a uniform distribution of stars. Irregular galaxies are like stellar splotches in space, with little structure at all.

Gazing skyward from our vantage point on and around Earth, there are clear signs that the Milky Way is a spiral galaxy. You can see one sign with the naked eye! The Milky Way appears in our sky as a relatively flat disk.

Using more sophisticated methods, astrophysicists and astronomers have provided two more clues to the structure of the Milky Way.

"When we measure velocities of stars and gas in our galaxy, we see an overall rotational motion that differs from random motions," Sarah Slater, a graduate student in cosmology at Harvard University, wrote. "This is another characteristic of a spiral galaxy."

Moreover the gas proportions, colors, and dust content are similar to other spiral galaxies, she added.

Aside from these lines of evidence, astronomers are also using their tools in ingenious ways to map the structure of the Milky Way. Just this year, scientists used two radio astronomy projects from different parts of the globe to measure the parallaxes – differences in the apparent positions of objects viewed along two different lines of sight – from masers shooting off electromagnetic radiation in numerous massive star forming regions in our galaxy.

"These parallaxes allow us to directly measure the forms of spiral arms across roughly one-third of the Milky Way, and we have extended the spiral arm traces into the portion of the Milky Way seen from the Southern Hemisphere using tangencies along some arms based on carbon monoxide emission," the researchers explained. They coupled these observations with other gathered data points to construct a new image of the Milky Way. This is our home galaxy, in all its resplendant glory.

Originally published www-realclearscience-com

COMING UP!!

(Wednesday, January 3rd, 2024)

"WHAT IS QUARK MATTER??"

[sillyblues]

the ocean and the wind. (3)

ੈ✩‧₊˚ synopsis: tonowari is the ocean and ronal is the wind. where does it leave you?

ੈ✩‧₊˚ notes: y'alllll i am so sorry i'm like a week late. we had like a fuck ton of tests that really made me want to die and we still have more coming up next week aside from our projects. anyways!! part 3 is here. the awaited angst!! hope you guys enjoy this i pulled this out of my ass so quick because i felt bad for leaving you lot for almost two weeks. hope you guys enjoy!!

part 1 ✩ part 2 ✩ part 3 (here!) ✩ part 4 ✩ part 5 ✩ part 6 ✩ part 7 (final part)

Ronal and Tonowari first met when you introduced them to each other after things had calmed down with Tonowari.

They knew each other from the stories you tell of them when you spent time with each of them when things had calmed down with you and him. You told Ronal of Tonowari of who he is to you, of who he actually is behind the title of future Olo’eyktan, with fondness and giggles. You told Tonowari of Ronal of who she is to you, of who she actually is behind her cold and intimidating exterior, with admiration and grins.

They were close and very much dear to you and you’d want nothing more for them to be close to each other as well. You want them to see each other as they see you. 

And they did.

You were on the outskirts of the inner island, exiting it as you had just come back from gathering plants with Ronal for your class. Flat and circular baskets full of herbs, plants, and flowers rested against the side of your hips as you two walked. Sands and soil that were beginning to mix pushed back under your steps, leaving light footprints. You could faintly hear the waves of the sea hitting the sands on the shore and the fresh wind that softly nipped at your skin, almost ticking you.

The silence between you two was comforting but a familiar and welcome voice interrupted it.

“[Name],” Tonowari called out to you in a soft voice as he walked to you. He placed his fingers to his forehead and opened it towards you and Ronal as he said his greetings.

“Tonowari! What perfect timing!” you beamed at him and gestured to the girl beside you with your free hand, “Meet a close friend of mine, her name is Ronal.”

They introduced themselves and you watched as Tonowari’s blue eyes slightly widen before they quickly softened. How his ears twitched and the genuine smile on his face displayed his dimples, unlike the usual polite smile he shows to others. You watched as Ronal looked at him in curiosity, her forehead never furrowing nor her green eyes glaring. How her gaze didn’t look away quickly and her tail swayed lightly.

You grinned.

“Come, let us put away our baskets first and talk more.”

The two finally broke eye contact and smiled at you.

.

.

There is an island a bit far from the central island of your clan, the distance just enough to see its outline from afar and near to a village. It was more of a sandbar rather than an island and quite bare compared to the others. There were no trees nor any shrubs, maybe a few seaweeds that would wash up ashore. 

Despite its bareness, you never found it boring. This was your’s and Tonowari's island, after all. You found the place in one of your little adventures, swimming far away to see where the way of the water would take you and it led you to the little secret you two would keep for years. You two spent most of your time on this little island of yours, from countless days when you braid each others’ hair and decorate it with the prettiest shells you found and nights when you both lay down and stare under the moons, letting its beauty shine upon you two.

Now, this little secret has been shared with Ronal. It was not a heavy decision unlike it should have been, to let a stranger know something so close to you two. But Ronal is not a stranger. You see her. She sees you. Tonowari sees her. She sees him.

It was amazing to see how fast their friendship grew. Perhaps, they grew closer faster than she had with you. You thought it would take them a long time with Ronal’s shyness and Tonowari’s politeness, but they proved you wrong and you were happy about it. From the very first they met, they had gone along well like an instant connection that has been made from the moment they saw each other. 

“You act like a child. A grown child.” Ronal frowned, almost hissing in annoyance as she braids his hair. You two were on the little island, taking a break from all the classes that exhausted you three. You giggled and continued to inspect shells, keeping the ones you approved of in your left palm and placing back the others. Tonowari snorted.

“I am not a child. Which child have you seen is as big as me?”

“I see one in front of me right now.” There was a quick sound of a harsh slap on the skin and you turned at them, giggling once more. Tonowari let out a small hiss of pain and grumbled.

“No, Tonowari is not a child,” you walk over to them and sat in front of him as you placed the collected shells in the small pouch you brought with you. He grinned and before he could reply something along the lines of you being his supporter, you quickly crushed his hopes. “I think a baby would best describe him. A big babe who is lost without anyone to look after him.”

You teased him while you pulled his cheeks and pinched his arms. He let out an exaggerated gasp and you laughed. Even Ronal cannot help but let out a chuckle.

“What betrayal is this, [Name]?” Tonowari let out a groan when Ronal tugged a section of his hair in place when he flailed his arms around.

“Stay still, skxawng!”

“Not until [Name] explains herself of this betrayal!” his arms suddenly engulfed your figure and leaned his weight behind on Ronal. You squealed as you all fell while he just laughed boisterously. Ronal groaned at the heavy weight on top of her and hit Tonowari.

“You id—”

You try to get away but his arms were tight, not giving you a slight chance to escape. You felt bad for her knowing her hits don’t really hurt Tonowari and his ridiculous big muscles and she most likely knew of this as she gave up with a sigh after a few slaps with no effect on him.

You just giggled and leaned down on Tonowari’s chest. Your smile was so wide it was almost hurting your cheeks.

You would never exchange this for anything in the rest of the world.

.

.

“Ronal is such a freak, what does Tonowari even see in her anyway?” You heard a voice say in disdain and disgust as you walked towards the creek where you, Ronal, and Tonowari would meet one night. You had already asked for your parents’ permission and they didn’t mind that it is already evening. Giggles and murmurs followed after. When you heard that, your head immediately turned to the source of the voices.

They were girls who you recognized and there was one in particular whose name you remember. Her name was Letsakx. She had short wavy hair that reached up to her collarbones and was a bit taller than you. She was known for being loud and a bit mean but you never really paid mind to her that much because she hadn't done you any wrong until this moment.

“What did you just say?” You asked her after you walked towards her, confronting her for what she had just said. Her head turned to meet you slowly with her forehead raised and her friends did the same. 

“Who even are you?” She sneered.

“I asked you a question. What did you just say about Ronal?” You hissed.

“Oh, how surprising. I didn't expect that freak would have a little friend.” She scoffed. “Surely you would know what an arrogant thing she is, making people cry and pissing them off just because she can.”

“You shut your mouth, she is not arrogant!”

“Pff, what? Poor girl, you must be under her manipulation.” One of her friends said. She had wavy hair braided into a big one with her hair strands poking out. She looked at you in ridicule.

“What manipulation? How dare you say I speak of nonsense when she is truly the nicest girl in this village. How dare you speak of such things about her when you have no idea what she truly is?” You walked closer and closer to her, leaned up to her face and bared your teeth at her.

She hissed at you and you hissed at her as well. You heard her friends circle around you. One glared at you.

“Maybe she's just a freak like Ronal? You can't be friends with her if you aren't one,” the other giggled.

“Wait, I think I know you,” the latter of her friends suddenly said, “You're [Name]. You used to stick to Tonowari’s side before, didn't you?”

“You did?” Letsakx looked at your form up and down before she cackled. “How pitiful, are you clinging to Ronal just for him to have his eyes on you once more?”

“No, what are you talking about—”

“What a sad little thing, can't you see that he’s done with you?” The one who used to glare at you now looked at you with eyes full of mockery. 

You opened your mouth to say anything back to them, to snap back at how wrong they were. You three were just close friends. How could Tonowari be done with you and move to Ronal? It doesn't make any sense.

“No, we're all just friends,” you said in a firm voice, trying to steady yourself and not let their words affect you. They speak of lies, they are the one's themselves trying to delude you into thinking of your friends leaving you out. 

“Just friends? Don't they make us laugh,” Letsakx scoffed and rolled her eyes before she pointed her finger at your chest and poked it harshly a few times. “I might not like Ronal but at least I know that they are together. They will choose each other when their Iknimaya come.”

You almost stumbled back whether from the harsh pokes or harsh words, you don't know, but they rendered your legs weak. The others came closer to you too.

One put her hands on your shoulders from behind, “Poor [Name], their so-called friend who keeps tailing after them like an annoying little thing.”

“Wake up, [Name]. You will never be with Tonowari when he is with Ronal.”

“We can help you with that, you know? How could Tonowari choose her, a freak—” you pushed them away. You will not tolerate any disrespect to Ronal and Tonowari. You will not tolerate the lies they feed you. You will not tolerate the mock they have of you.

“You three do nothing but assume and assume! Have some shame!” You bared your teeth to them and hissed for the third time. Your ears were pinned back and your tail raised in anger. The anger in you boils stronger than the seed of doubt they planted in you. You walked away from them and you still hear their laughter and scoffs.

“Do come back to us when you finally open your eyes! We promise we won't laugh!” You hear Letsakx say one last time. 

You walked away until you heard their laughter faded into nothingness. Until you could only hear the soft crunches of the grass and sand under your feet. The soft whispers of the wind and the trills and chirps of the animals. The soft splashes and the pitter-patter of the water against the rocks as they stream down.

You let out a small whimper at the sight in front of you.

Beyond the creek, they lay so close to each other. Their chest rose and fell, signs of their peaceful rest with one another. Ronal’s head lay on Tonowari’s arm with it wrapped around her head. Her hand was placed on his chest and under his other hand. Their freckles glowed so brightly and — oh, how peaceful and content they looked.

Letsakx’s words rang in your ears and finally, you see it now. The way Eywa’s beauty shined so brightly to them, the way the bioluminescent lights of the plants and the water reflected on their skin. The way the water trickles softly as if not to disturb them and the way the wind provides them with enough coolness so they wouldn’t be hot as they embraced each other.

Memories of them flashed to your head. How Tonowari looked so bright and shined with the sun behind him as he comforted you with your legs halfway in the sea. How he wouldn’t let you go despite your struggles to do so for the best of you two. How Ronal finally saw you as she embraced you, her forehead against yours. How she smiled at you with such softness and gentleness.

You see it now. Why you loved being with them. Why you loved them. You didn’t see them just as your friends. You saw them for who they were. You saw—see—them. You are reminded of your greed. Your envy. It all comes back to you now.

But you are also reminded of how Tonowari and Ronal grew so close so fast, an instant connection that sparked between them. How they see each other so brightly, so gently, so lovingly. It was like they were made for each other. And maybe they were.

You bit your lip. Tonowari wasn’t just enough for you, you also wanted Ronal. You wanted her time and attention as well, why you kept her closer to you than any of your friends. You wanted him, why you avoided him in fear of him knowing your greed for him. 

Your teacher’s words rang in your ears. Greed. Selfishness. You are so greedy and selfish. How disgusting you are. And so foolish. So, very foolish. Why have you still not learned your lesson? Were you complacent in Tonowari’s belief in you? Stupid, stupid! It is him, Tonowari. He would never mind it because he is your friend. He is soft. He is kind. He is gentle.

And oh, Eywa, how could you even involve Ronal in your mess? She does not deserve this. He does not deserve this. She needs not anything or anyone to ruin her peace in life once more. Ruin her happiness. How dare you do this to her? To both of them?

You are angry at yourself. Angry for wanting her. For him. For both of them because of your excessive greed that knows no bounds. For roping them into your useless desires.

Your heart thumped so loud and heavy, wanting to rip out of the cages called your ribs and rip out through your chest and bleed so openly. Your ears are pinned back and tears welled up in your eyes. You let them fall, helpless against the raging emotions that you drown in. Your legs were weak and you have never wanted more than to open your mouth and wail but you dare not ruin their peace just because of your ruined one.

You took a step back and turned so quickly. One step. One more. Another. And more after another until your slow steps turned into a run.

Run and run, [Name]. Run and don’t look back. Never look back again. Never dare want them again. Never dare be greedy again.

Oh, Eywa, you begged, is this my punishment for the thoughts and ugliness I have borne in my soul?

I’m so sorry, Great Mother.

I am so sorry, Tonowari.

I am so sorry, Ronal.

You are reminded of how Tonowari is the ocean and how Ronal is the wind. You are reminded of your place.

Between the ocean and the wind, where does it leave you?

series taglist: @totesnothere04 @ducks118

[icedmatchatae]

Glimpse of Us | KTH (Series)

Pairing: Problematic Idol Taehyung x Grad Student Reader

Genre: Idol AU, Ex-Childhood Best Friends into—, Angst (Hello, welcome to my angst central), Fluff (mainly in the flashbacks), Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

Summary: BTS's V has been living a lavished and successful lifestyle, but underneath all of that, Kim Taehyung is far from the perfect image the media and fans made him out to be. All he wants is to relive the feelings of happiness and purpose in his life, but how can he when he left behind those memories years ago? The same memories, he hopes to see a glimpse of.

Warning: TRIGGERS - Mentions of Drugs/Drugs use, alcohol consumption, violence (fighting), toxic relationships, unhealthy coping mechanisms, infidelity, unrequited love?, mentions of depression and anxiety, brief mentions of social anxiety (oc somewhat has it), descriptions of panic attacks, mentions of death/minor character deaths, descriptions of therapy/scenes within therapy sessions, a ton of flashbacks, financial instability, buckets of crying, the slowest fucking burn you'll ever come across, sexual content (but not too sexy bc this isn’t a naughty fic >:-|) poor OC is caught up in a lot of mess and all she wants is to have a better life,  tae is a bit of a dick and a walking red flag but he just wants to be better :--(, they're both sad in their own ways, each chapter will have their own warnings and they will be presented at the beginning of the chapter

Word Count: TBD (21 chapter total)

Update Schedule: There is none! Posts are sporadic, but I do try to post at least twice a month…however, if I’m busy, I will keep you posted on a possible time frame.

A/N: A little bit inspired by Glimpse of Us by Joji because I couldn't get the song out of my damn head and it’s my top song of 2022 😭. I made my own spin to it, let’s see how well I execute it lol I’ve been preparing this for a while. This is my biggest project yet! I’ve been planning this since the summer even if I’m not done writing the whole thing I’m kinda nervous about posting this

I’ll also cross-posted this originally on AO3 as well! Enjoy~~~

Chapter List

I. Finding Happiness

II. The Story of You and Me

III. Blue

IV. Everything We Didn't Say

V. Same Old, Different New

VI. Why I Love You

VII. The True Reality

VIII. Please Don’t Break It

IX. Hear Me Out

X. You’re All I Need (Coming Soon)

All rights reserved for ©️ icedmatchatae 2023 (｡●́‿●̀｡)

[pteraphylax]

I love the fact that there are so many Scottish accents/ VAs in Baldur’s Gate 3. It’s such a welcome change! Welsh and Northern Irish accents too.

I wish we had some more accent choices for Tav/ Durge. Posh English accents are essentially the only options. There’s a few where certain phrases sound almost-sort-of-northern-but-not-really, but they’re mostly quite posh. Why can’t we have these amazing Scottish/ Irish/ Welsh options?

It would be so good if all the origin companions had Scottish accents instead of English. My ideas for that under the cut:

Astarion: Extremely camp Edinburgh/ Fife accent. The one that almost every gay man who sets foot in the central belt ends up acquiring. Turned up to 11. If you’ve heard it you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Gale: Posh but still distinctly Scottish Edinburgh accent. The university accent. It sounds nice but makes you annoyed at the same time. I would still love him despite it.

Karlach: Working class Glaswegian accent. She’s that girl who becomes obsessed with hillwalking as soon as she turns 21 and her camera roll is full of blurry pics of lochs. Yes, you CAN get all that from the accent.

Lae’zel: Strange Shetland accent that sounds almost like a Highland accent but is different enough to make you constantly go “huh?”

Shadowheart: Doric inspired North-East leaning accent. Shadowheart sounds wayyy too posh in my opinion. She should sound like a teuchter. She should be at the Highland Games (I may be projecting…).

Wyll: Insufferable ‘Scottish’ accent that actual Lords have where they just sound like they’re from London. His Dad would have a fairly normal Glasgow accent, but Wyll would have picked his accent up at private school. I would still love him despite it.

[thecruxarm]

Introductory Post

Hello, and welcome to my blog! Above is an infographic I've made detailing the Milky Way as well as the commonality of life and intelligence itself across the galaxy, which will serve as an important base of reference for all else I plan to post on this blog. I won't say much in reference to this image that isn't already included in the infographic, so I'll go on to explain what my project is about, which I will elaborate on with future posts:

In short, the primary focus of my speculative biology sci-fi project takes place around the mid-Centaurus arm, as indicated on the infographic, in a region of the galaxy locally known as "Ruminaaan Space", which is the single largest interstellar community in the history of the Milky Way! Although the majority of these Ruminaaan residents have only began their joint interstellar societies within the past 3,000 years, an ongoing battle has been waging for the past billion years and counting between a species known as the Yn and an entity known as Xii, and while I'll leave more detailed elaborations for future posts, this is a story of a single species divided and disfigured by their own conflicts and the long-term consequences it holds on their stellar neighbours, even one billion years later.

Onto the blog itself, to help with organisation, I will use the following tags on my posts:

#Alien Person Asks (for when I answer asks in my inbox (feel free to send any if you want to know more about my world!)), #Ruminaaan Theomachy (for posts relating to the central aliens of my project and the communities they've built), #Alien Person Spec Bio (for posts relating to the more biological aspects of my worldbuilding) and #Alien Person Worldbuilding (for other posts about miscellaneous or more general features of my worldbuilding process)

Besides transcripts for the featured image, that's all for my introductory post, so stay tuned for more!

{Main text-wall transcript}:

The Milky Way The Milky Way is a spiral galaxy about 100,000 light years across, which happens to be the galaxy in which Humans are located, as well as over a couple hundred other intelligent species. The galaxy is estimated to be about 13.6 billion years of age and has thus far been identified with two major arms (the Perseus and Scutum-Centaurus Arms) which branch off into many smaller minor arms.

The galaxy is estimated to contain anywhere between 100 to 400 billion stars, most of which host a minimum of one orbiting planet. Although on Earth many may consider the possibility of extraterrestrial life to be a rarity, it is more common than one may think, with there being roughly 14.33 billion planets and moons combined which host native life. However, only about 8.59 million of these worlds host multicellular life (around 0.06% out of the total life-bearing celestial bodies), which is due to eukaryotic multicellularity being a very challenging hurdle to get over for life everywhere for a variety of reasons.

This being said, approximately 91.67% of these worlds do host sapient life forms, as high intelligence is almost an inevitability with multicellular organisms given sufficient time, though an extremely lower fraction of these planets and moons are actually home to sophont, technological civilisations comparable to anything humanity has accomplished throughout the past 200,000 years, with there being only 237 star systems with native sophont life (as indicated by the bright white dots shown to the right), and 268 sophont species overall, accounting for only 0.000028% of worlds with multicellular lifeforms. Among these 268 civilisations, very few actually aspire to be spacefaring, with there being less than 40 such civilisations, such as the Jodomii or Sirt, who even have space programs to begin with. Most either do not have the desire to explore outer space, as is the case with the Shreau, Uut, Samrinians or Aniin, do not even have the means to discover that outer-space exists in the first place, such as the Fline or Udrae, who have limited or nonexistent vision, or the Katudit, who live in the subglacial oceans of a rogue planet, or may never leave their home planets for any other multitude of reasons.

While the abundance of technological, cultured civilisations across the Milky Way is fortunately higher than most may be led to believe, it’s important to keep in mind the fact that the space which separates the majority of these civilisations is tremendous, with even the closest being hundreds of light years apart. Despite this, only four interspecies interstellar communities have managed to spring up across the interstellar medium (not counting the Yuruuc, who have yet to encounter any other intelligent species despite how far they have dispersed throughout their corner of the Outer Arm), which is simply due to the fact that interstellar travel is nigh-impossible without the use of warp technology, though only one of these such communities has managed to grow to such an extensive size which incorporates over a dozen unique civilisations; Ruminaaan Space. Ruminaaan Space (the blue area marked along the mid-Centaurus Arm) is the single largest community of interstellar civilisations with the widest reach in interstellar space in the entire history of the Milky Way thus far, with the Boueue and Scerere only having came into contact nearly 3,000 years ago. This region of the Milky Way will be the main focus of my ongoing project, titled ‘Ruminaaan Theomachy’, as you’ll all get to see more of as time goes on, so stay tuned, and welcome to the Ruminaaan Theomachy project!

{Milky Way Labels Transcript}:

Norma Arm, Sagittarius Arm, Perseus Arm, Orion Spur, Scutum-Centaurus Arm, Outer Arm

{Sophont Labels Transcript}:

Scerere, Boueue, Udrae, Samrinians & Aniin, Shreau, Jodomii, Humanity, Sirt, Yuruuc, Fline, Katudit, Uut

[tmpestuous]

The Phoenix Project

summary: Bucky finds out more about your past with Hydra.

pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Reader

warnings: implied smut, angst, fluff, canon-level violence, mentions of Hydra + Hydra torture (mainly reader and other unnamed characters; not Bucky), 

word count: 6.2k (I got carried away…)

a/n: welcome to my comeback era… this concept came to me in a dream and I know I said I’d stop with the hurt reader fics but I’m sort of fixated on the trope… (someone send help) this is part of the Phoenix & Winter soldier universe!!

Phoenix & the Winter Soldier Masterlist

—

Waking up in Bucky’s arms was your favorite part of the day (only before going to sleep in his arms as well). His musky scent brought you comfort, the cool and warm contrast in his arms and hands bringing you solace. His embrace felt like home, a place you wouldn’t trade for anything else.

When Bucky was away on missions without you (or vice versa), it was always difficult readjusting to sleeping alone. A part of you felt like it was missing, and this time would be no different. Bucky was going on a mission with Steve and Natasha to gain important SHIELD intel and information on Hydra tactics, new and old, to try and track down their current bases and hideouts. 

Steve had warned Bucky that there might be information on the Winter Soldier and new attempts to revive the program, though that was no surprise to anyone on the team. Bucky was more concerned about whether or not there’d be information on you. 

Things were a lot better during your time with the Avengers recently. You got off to a good start, hit some bumps along the road that landed you on probation (thanks, Steve), but you still came out on the other side. You finally felt at home. You felt like you had a family. There was nothing that could get in the way of your place here. 

Although you still had your fears and triggers to get over, as anyone would after being forcefully succumbed to Hydra’s authority, there had never been a moment where you felt better than you do now. And you knew that it was only up from here.

You didn’t remember much from your time with Hydra, a result of both their tactics and your subconscious suppression. Nonetheless, you struggled with deciphering whether your lack of memory was a good or bad thing.

No one on the team knew enough about your past with Hydra. They definitely did a number on your memories, far worse than what they’d done with Bucky’s. Bucky slowly but surely remembered things, both about himself and his time with Hydra. He was grateful enough to keep his memories with Steve and his life before his capture. You, on the other hand, didn’t really remember anything. You held bits and pieces of your childhood, but nothing of substance. Not to mention you weren’t nearly as crucified as Bucky; once you arrived on the team, the public was a lot more educated on Hydra and its ploys. 

On past missions recovering more intel, there’d been little to nothing about you. You usually felt a tinge of relief, not sure if you were ready to uncover everything just yet. Nonetheless, the anticipation of an eventual find didn’t curb your anxiety, and the curiosity was eating you alive. 

The Phoenix Project, they called it. It wasn’t too far off from the Winter Soldier program but centralized its focus on a small group of young women. Some were just girls. You were one of the older ones, though not the oldest, and often found yourself sacrificing your own well-being to protect the younger ones who were still only teenagers. It was also somewhat reminiscent of Natasha’s time in the Red Room, creating the Black Widows. 

Your experience with Hydra often gave you survivor’s guilt, especially when you first started interacting with Bucky. His unsolicited time as the Winter Soldier wasn’t unbeknownst to anyone, not even you. In fact, one of the few things you remembered was how everyone in Hydra spoke about him. 

It took you a moment to warm up to him, and him to you. In the beginning, you couldn’t help but hate yourself for feeling so low about what Hydra did to you when Bucky Barnes was right there and had gone through so much more. Bucky never knew about how you felt, a result of your own decision not to tell him, and he never would. To this day, you tried not to complain about it. The Hydra operatives in control of the Phoenix Project were ruthless, though you couldn’t remember enough to know if they were any more or less cynical than the ones who watched over Bucky. Given the fact that you weren’t forced under them for over 70 years, however, you didn’t dare to compare experiences. You figured Hydra wasn’t anywhere near close to carrying out their plan for you, especially since the Avengers cut their plans short. 

You and Bucky have yet to talk about either of your times with Hydra. The two of you had crossed each others’ paths romantically after moving past it, and you had told yourself that the last thing you wanted to do was ruin your relationship with an unnecessary trauma bond.

Hydra didn’t define you or Bucky. You were both better than them; you had just fallen into their cage, and that wasn’t either of your faults. Your time with them didn’t make or break you as a person.

Bucky knew that, and even better, he believed it. He’d never think of you any differently because of it. But he needed to know if he’d find out information on you during this mission. For his sake and yours.

The Avengers never really sought out information on the Phoenix Project, but intel was looming that Hydra was plotting on restarting it. Intel also alluded to Hydra’s inevitable search for you, knowing about your involvement with the Avengers and the ultimate ability to make you even stronger a weapon for them. 

Steve had pulled Bucky aside to talk to him about everything, especially since they both knew you wouldn’t be going on this mission. He alerted him of the possibility of the information they’d yet to find, stronger than that of finding information on the Winter Soldier program. He had also told Bucky not to tell you, stressing that it was important not to induce any unnecessary anxiety for a mission you wouldn’t be going on. He wanted to tell you, so badly, but he knew Steve was right.

“What are you thinking about, Sergeant?” You asked, your voice soft yet still enough to snap Bucky out of his thoughts given how close you were to each other.

“The idea of having to sleep without you for the next two days,” Bucky said, his voice raspy from waking up. It wasn’t a lie, but merely half the truth.

“At least it’s only two days this time,” you said, as optimistic as always. Bucky adored that you always tried your best to find the silver lining in things, something he didn’t do often.

“I wish you were coming on this mission,” he voiced in a whisper, rubbing the knuckles on his right hand against your cheek back and forth. “But maybe it’s for the better.”

“You still don’t want me on Hydra missions, huh?” 

“Just looking out for you, honey,” he kissed your forehead, letting his lips linger before kissing it again. “Never know what you might run into that’ll bring up rough memories.”

“What about you?” You asked sincerely, once again avoiding thinking about your time with Hydra and the fact that Bucky was protecting you from something he also should be shielded from. Maybe even more than you did, in your opinion.

“I’ll be okay,” he reassured. “I told you, I’m free from them. They’re not getting me anytime soon.”

Nodding, you shifted your gaze away from Bucky’s, trying to mentally run from the thoughts clouding your mind.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, noticing the shift in your demeanor. “Did I say something wrong?”

Looking back up at him immediately, you shook your head. “No, no, you didn’t. I promise. I’m just gonna miss you, is all.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, baby,” he smiled down at you before giving you a prolonged kiss, lasting a few moments before he pulled away and looked back into your eyes as you both caught your breaths. “We still have some time before I have to go, honey.”

“I had a feeling that was coming,” you teased, pushing him back so he was laying down on his back as you crossed one of your legs over to straddle him, spending the time he had left tangled inbetween the sheets.

Two Days Later

Bucky being away on a mission never entirely fazed you, and vice versa. You both trusted each other enough to know you’d come home at the end of it all, but for some reason, this felt different. 

Bucky was on edge. So far, everything had gone smoothly, which was never good news to him. He was keeping watch on the door while Natasha retrieved any and all files they needed. 

It was too quiet for Bucky’s liking, the silence two seconds from giving him a migraine. Hydra had been at the opposite end of the Avengers plenty of times, but they weren’t stupid. They were calculated, they knew what they were doing, and they often knew when to let the Avengers play right into their hand. 

“Still not done, Romanoff?” Bucky asked impatiently, his anxiety creeping up by the minute.

“Working as fast as I can, Barnes,” she retorted. 

Bucky heard her typing stop, as did Steve, who turned his attention toward her. 

Natasha sighed. “Guess we found what we were missing.” Steve took a glance at Bucky before they both approached the screen behind the redhead. Tons and tons of files upon files regarding this project, their plans, and the subjects. Bucky’s gaze couldn’t divert from the one Natasha clicked with your name on it. “You sure you wanna see this?”

“Open it,” Bucky said without hesitation, his tone completely void of emotion.

“Buck—”

“I said open it.” 

Natasha and Steve shared a look before she clicked on the file. It was over 500 pages long, probably the most in-depth file Bucky had ever seen from Hydra aside from maybe his own. Pictures of you battered and bruised, information on your home life, how they captured you, the different tests they’d run, the serum they injected into you; everything was in here. 

Bucky felt his chest constrict at the pictures. He was somewhat grateful you couldn’t remember any of it, though it pained him that he was now aware of it and you weren’t. 

Natasha scrolled to the end, finding a list of names that had nothing to do with you, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. “What’s this?”

“They look like death certificates,” Steve noted. “What’s this got to do with Y/n?”

“Says she killed them,” Natasha read.

“That’s impossible,” Bucky interjected. “She didn’t kill anyone. They didn’t get that far, right?”

“I don’t know, Barnes,” Natasha shook her head while she downloaded all of the files. “But these don’t look like civilians or Hydra enemies.”

“They look like Hydra operatives,” Steve added. “I mean, look at the names and the pictures on file. They have separate files of their own.”

Natasha proceeded to find the name of one of the men you had supposedly killed, and Steve’s suspicions were right. A full detailing of a man’s time with Hydra, also a subject of their tests through another program. His death was pronounced at the bottom of the file.

Date of death: X/XX/XXXX. Terminated by Y/n Y/l/n.

Bucky couldn’t believe his eyes. He knew you weren’t capable of doing such a thing unless you needed to. He had seen it on that mission you got separated from Steve. Twenty men killed on your own while you were injured. 

“We have to go.” Bucky looked up at Steve heading towards the door as Natasha shot the computers and file drives, following suit behind both of them towards the jet. He felt sick the entire ride back to the Compound.

Something was off. He couldn’t put his finger on it. 

Upon landing in the hangar, Bucky felt like he was going to implode. Nat and Steve had tried to talk to him, but he couldn’t get the image of you out of his head. 

The truth was that he felt guilty. He let his curiosity get the best of him and invaded the secrecy of something not even you remembered. He held your history in his memory, while you were completely clueless. Bucky didn’t even know what he was going to tell you the moment he saw you.

The girl he left behind with a smile on her face and a ‘good luck’ on her lips after he snuck a taste of them. She wasn’t even aware of the details of the mission. She had no idea he could have discovered everything.

And that he did.

Opening the door to his room to shower before a debrief—Steve telling him to cool off a bit—Bucky expected to see you waiting for him, but you were nowhere to be found. He hadn’t passed by the kitchen or the living room, but you knew he was coming back today.

He was already on edge and he needed to get everything off his chest. Stepping back out to the common area, it was vacant. Spotting Fury talking to Steve and Natasha in the debriefing room didn’t settle his anxiety either. 

“Sergeant Barnes,” Fury greeted in his usual monotonous yet sarcastic voice. “Thought you’d be joining us afterward.”

“Where’s Y/n?”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “She’s not in your room?”

Bucky shook his head, his gaze not breaking from Fury’s. Steve and Natasha looked at the Director with the same confusion sprawled on their faces.

“She’s on a recon mission in Siberia. Just left today.”

“Recon mission to observe who?” Bucky bit back without hesitation. 

The Avengers were focused on Hydra for weeks. There haven’t been any other threats and Bucky was aware of that. He knew you weren’t ready for Hydra, not because you couldn’t handle them, but because they were looking for you.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Fucking hell, Fury,” Natasha muttered, rubbing a hand across her face.

“She’s not even cleared—”

“She was cleared this morning. She wanted the mission, Barnes. I was gonna send Wilson before she stopped me.”

Bucky felt his heart drop to his stomach. He should’ve known something like this would happen, and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Storming out of the room, he heard an explosion outside. 

Rushing out to the hangar, with Steve, Natasha, and Fury not far behind, the quinjet was up in flames, with workers everywhere wounded or trying to now fix the problem. 

“The drive, Nat,” Bucky muttered, not ripping his eyes off of the now-destroyed jet. 

“What?” Natasha asked.

“The drive.”

Natasha pulled the drive out. Burnt. To a complete crisp and she didn’t even feel it.

“What the hell is going on?!” Sam rushed out with Wanda, Vision, and Tony. 

Fury crossed his arms, exhaling deeply. “We’ve gotta find Agent Y/l/n. Now.”

—

You knew it was probably a bad idea to get involved in a Hydra recon mission so quickly after your probation, but you told yourself surveillance couldn’t be that bad, right?

Yeah, right.

Fury only asked you to identify the base and make note of its activity, location, and how often it was frequented throughout the next five days. Your location was pretty secure. That was until you saw the girls. 

It wouldn’t be your first time going against Fury’s orders, but it would definitely be the first time you did it alone. You had all the tools necessary, and you were never afraid of Hydra. You killed 20 of them on your own with a grueling stab wound that took 8 weeks to completely heal. You would be fine.

That’s what you thought 10 hours ago. 

Now you were strapped to this god-forsaken chair listening to this insolent asshole go on some rant about how he was the first one to find you. You still didn’t understand Russian fluently, but Bucky and Natasha had taught you enough to hold your own. 

Rolling your eyes at the man in front of you, you shortly felt a sharp strike to your cheek. 

“Все еще такой непокорный.” Insubordinate. 

You scoffed. “Alright, you’ve got me. What now?”

“What now?” he repeated your question with a chuckle. “You come back to where you belong, Феникс.” Phoenix. You hadn’t been called that in so long, but you’d recognize the word anywhere. Even before you knew a lick of Russian. 

The man pulled a syringe from a freezer, and your brain suddenly wired to recognize the serum, making you pull at the restraints on your wrist.

“Silly, silly, Phoenix,” he drawled in his thick, Russian accent. “Let’s see what the Avengers do when they find the real you.”

—

After some calls to King T’Challa, a jet was secured. Fury asked for Shuri to come as well as the jet, in case Dr. Cho needed some help with whatever state you’d be in when they found you.

Bucky was tired of saving you. Well, he wasn’t tired of the saving. He’d save you every single time until his last breath. But he knew how exhausting it must’ve been to constantly be in the position to be saved. 

He didn’t say a word to anyone while on the jet. Bucky’s thoughts were clear, and he just needed to know you were safe.

Stepping into the Hydra base, everything was (once again) running too smoothly for Bucky’s liking. There was a lot more resistance than the mission they’d just returned from, including finding some hostages to extract. 

“I spotted—” Natasha said before she grunted. “She’s not herself, I’m gonna need some backup here.”

“On my way to you now,” Bucky said as he ran up the stairs, meeting up with Sam and Steve halfway. Opening the staircase door, the three of them saw you with Natasha pinned down. You immediately looked towards them given the noise, your eyes blurred off. 

You weren’t you.

Steve and Sam ripped you off Natasha, though Bucky was frozen.

“Buck!” Sam said as he dodged another one of your swings, a lot more fast-paced than your usual combat. “A little help here!”

You dodged Steve’s shield, swinging it back at him at full force before knocking both Sam and Natasha down. Bucky picked up your combat moves, which hadn’t changed much. They were just faster. He managed to pin you to the wall, your back against his front as you wrestled with his grip before he pinned you to the ground below him. 

You were staring completely through him, not a single hint of recognition in your eyes of who he was. Natasha handed Bucky the restraints while Steve injected you with the sedative. Soon your struggles had calmed down and your eyelids got heavy. You stared up at Bucky with a haze before your eyes closed. 

Everyone was silent. The entire trip back. Placing your sleeping body on the gurney, Bucky wasn’t satisfied. There was no certainty that Hydra didn’t completely wipe you again, or even tested something new. But regardless of the circumstances, Bucky couldn’t breathe properly. He couldn’t think properly. He wanted to smash every wall in the building and then fight everyone that was in it.

You shouldn’t have been there. You wouldn’t have been there. And somehow, Bucky Barnes blamed himself for letting you out of his sight again.

—

You had woken up fairly quickly once the sedation wore off, eyes wandering in confusion to your location. A man walked in, noticing your consciousness, and his eyes widened immediately.

He looked like Captain America, but you couldn’t possibly be with the Avengers… right?

“Shit,” he muttered to himself though you clearly heard him. “You’re awake– um, are you okay? Do you need anything? I should get Cho and Shuri, I’ll– I’ll go do that.”

He exited the room just as fast as he entered. You looked around again, knowing you were in some sort of hospital, but if Captain America was here, you assumed it wasn’t just any hospital.

The man returned with two women, one in all white and one in all black.

“Hi, Y/n,” one of them greeted. “I’m going to ask you a few questions, is that okay?”

You nodded, still a bit disoriented. 

“Good, do you know where you are?”

You looked back at the man who stared at you nervously. You shook your head.

“Do you know who I am?”

You shook your head again.

“Okay, well I’m Dr. Cho,” she introduced, her face indicating she realized something. Probably that you had no idea what was going on and were probably freaking out. “This is Shuri,” she pointed to the other girl next to her. “Do you know who this is?”

She pointed at the man again. You hesitated, but you nodded.

“Could you tell me his name?”

“He’s—” you stopped yourself before sighing and looking back at Dr. Cho. “He’s Captain America.” 

She nodded before someone else entered the room. Someone you definitely recognized.

“I heard she was awake, I’m sorry,” he said before he locked eyes with you. 

The Winter Soldier. The man Hydra had been so adamant about finding.  They wanted you to bring him back to them, and that they’d kill you both if you betrayed them. Your eyes watered before you started sobbing and looked back at Dr. Cho.

“Are— are they gonna kill me? They said they were gonna kill me if I didn’t find him, I—”

They all looked at you with pained eyes. 

“You’re safe here, Y/n,” Dr. Cho reassured as Shuri ushered the men outside. “I promise. We’re going to take good care of you. Rest up for a bit, you have a lot to process. I’ll be back.”

— 

Bucky couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his face.

“She’s terrified of me,” he said as Dr. Cho stepped outside.

“This confirms what we tested when we drew her blood,” Shuri tried to instill some hope in him. She’d seen Bucky through traumatic moments while removing the triggers from his head, and somewhat considered him a friend. An ally, at least. “The serum they injected into her bloodstream somehow removed the memories up until before she came here.”

“And the antidote is in progress,” Dr. Cho added. “She’s going to be okay, Sergeant.”

Bucky felt like he was drowning. “All of this could have been avoided.”

“Buck—”

“No, Steve,” Bucky interrupted. “She wasn’t ready. She didn’t even know what they were doing, this could have been avoided—”

“We have to focus on the now, Sergeant Barnes,” Shuri stepped in. “We cannot undo the past 24 hours, but we can give her all of our effort to bring her back.”

Thirteen Days Later

You’d adjusted to being in the hospital room by the time they told you they had to put you under again. The past two weeks had been somewhat okay.

The entire Avengers team came to tell you stories about your time with them. Natasha brought pictures. Sam did, too. Tony told you about all your late-night lab visits while he worked on new tech, and Steve told you about the times you discovered new music together. Everyone else brought you your favorite snacks, games, everything. 

The only one really missing was Bucky. Everyone decided it was best for them not to be the ones to recount your relationship, but they assured you he was your favorite.

It was nice not feeling as alone as you did before; some of the pictures and stories felt familiar, but you couldn’t remember them much. You were kind of used to not remembering things, Hydra never really gave you the chance to. But now it was all you longed for.

“This antidote was made fairly quicker than the last one, but I indeed haven’t slept for three days just for you, Y/n,” Shuri joked, the corner of your lip tugging up.

The last serum had apparently brought some of your memories back, but the side effects were a lot more prominent than Shuri had anticipated. You felt excruciatingly sick and even tried to fight your way out of the med bay before eventually passing out. They hadn’t even gotten the chance to sedate you.

So Shuri went back to the drawing board.

“And you’re sure this one will work? Bring my memories back?”

“If it doesn’t, it’ll be back to the lab again,” she answered, though not definitive. “Not to worry, though, you are still in good hands. Dr. Cho and I have worked very thoroughly on this. I even asked for help from a friend in Boston.”

She wiped the inside of your arm with an alcohol pad, finding your vein to direct the antidote right into your bloodstream.

“You should fall asleep in a few minutes,” she informed you as the darkness eventually pulled you in. 

Four Days Later

Your eyelids felt pretty heavy, so forcing them open was a task you fought hard to complete. Looking over at your surroundings, you could tell you were in the med bay. The last thing you remembered was trying to fight off that Hydra guard, but he eventually won that battle. 

You looked over at the side of your bed, Bucky sleeping in a cot that was way too small for him, making you smile to yourself.

You wondered what had happened since you’d been knocked out, though you were sure it wasn’t anything pretty. Stirring in the bed, Bucky shot his eyes open.

“Y/n?” He said, his voice raspy with a hesitancy you didn’t recognize.

“Hey,” you pushed a smile in his direction. “I feel like we keep ending up in this predicament.”

“Y-you remember me? Remember us?”

Then realization struck you. The serum. It was that serum. The one that always ripped everything away from you in an instant. Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded, Bucky sighing in relief as he made his way toward you.

“Oh, honey, I’m so glad you’re okay,” he said as he kissed your head, but you couldn’t stop the lump in your throat from pushing the sob out. Bucky enveloped you in his arms, shushing you and rubbing your back as you let everything out.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you sobbed into his chest. “I shouldn’t have gone, you were right, I wasn’t ready for a Hydra mission—“

“Hey, hey, no,” he grabbed your face in his hands. “You’re ready, okay? You didn’t know, you had no idea they were waiting for you. That isn’t your fault.”

“But I didn’t need to go, I could have just waited for you—“

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he cut you off again. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I only care that you’re okay and that you’re you. That you’re here and you know me and I can love you as I always have. That’s what’s important to me right now. Not Hydra.”

You nodded as he pulled you in again. The pit in your stomach was something you couldn’t shake, but being back in Bucky’s arms always made everything feel better.

“I should get Dr. Cho,” he said after a few minutes. You gripped him tighter as he started to pull away, prompting him to kiss the crown of your head. “I’ll be right back, doll. I’m not going anywhere.”

Reluctantly letting him go after a few breaths, he looked back at you before stepping outside, returning momentarily with Dr. Cho and Shuri.

They asked you the same questions they did when your memory was gone, though you didn’t remember that, of course.

“Your vitals are outstanding and you seem to be in good shape,” Dr. Cho assured as she reviewed your chart. “Shuri will stay in the compound for a few days in case you have any adverse reactions to the antidote again. But for now, we’re putting you on bed rest, Agent Y/l/n. It’s good to have you back.”

You nodded in appreciation at the both of them, knowing they were probably exhausted.

Going back to Bucky’s room was a relief for both you and him. You were happy to be back in his arms again, and he was happy that you were back to being yourself.

Bucky felt a little selfish for not going to see you as often while your memory was still gone, but he didn’t want his sadness clouding your recovery. If he had to make you fall in love with him all over again, he would. No matter how much it’d hurt him to know you didn’t remember your time together.

Your body was still pretty exhausted so falling asleep as soon as you showered and hit the bed was no difficult task. Bucky watched you intently, not knowing what could follow the antidote working.

The truth of the matter was that Dr. Cho and Shuri were doing their best to reverse the effects of the serum Hydra gave you to suppress your memories, but they weren’t entirely too sure how far it’d go back.

It could be up until the moment you first became an Avenger. It could be up until you were captured by Hydra. It could be all of your memories at once.

Bucky was nervous. He had dealt with those Hydra nightmares for years; hell, he still got them sometimes even now. He was always grateful you didn’t have to constantly relive those experiences, but now, you might have to.

Any stir or change in your expression as you slept left Bucky waiting. He wasn’t sure what to anticipate, but he wanted to be there when it happened.

Only he wasn’t prepared at all. 

You started to stir a bit, murmuring incoherently but Bucky’s attempts to slowly wake you weren’t working. You got more impatient in your sleep, sweating bullets to the point that your pajamas had gotten soaked. 

Bucky ripped the covers off of you as he cradled you in his arms, stroking your face softly to try and wake you up.

“Y/n, please,” he spoke softly yet sternly. “Wake up, baby, I’m here. I’ve got you, open those eyes for me, please.”

Steve and Natasha heard your screams as they progressed, rushing into your room as Bucky was watching you with intense eyes, anxious that he couldn’t pull you out. He didn’t even notice Natasha rushing to get Shuri, who came in and asked Bucky what was going on.

“She won’t wake up, she’s trapped in whatever nightmare she’s having, I—“

“It’s okay,” Shuri reassured. “Lay her on her back.” Bucky followed Shuri’s directions as she uses her Kimoyo beads to scan your heart. “Her heart is beating very rapidly, we’ve got to wake her up soon or she could go into cardiac arrest from whatever it is that she is dreaming about.”

Bucky was trying not to completely lose his composure, picking you up in his arms as they all rushed to the med bay. By the time they had settled you in a bed, your nightmare had gotten even worse. Tossing and thrashing so much in the bed that even the sedatives weren’t working, Bucky couldn’t even feel Steve’s hand on his shoulder. You were sobbing uncontrollably, pleading for help as they restrained you against the bed, Shuri injecting something else into you that eventually calmed you down. 

Your breaths were still coming in at a fast pace and you still hadn’t woken up. As your heart rate settled into normal territory, Shuri looked over at Bucky and gave him a nod. 

Walking into the room, Bucky saw your face still contorted, a few groans coming from your lips as your breathing evened out. He pushed your hair away from your face, covered in sweat, noticing your eyes start to flutter open.

“Y/n?” 

Tears immediately crowded your vision as you started sobbing again, Bucky’s heart breaking in two. 

“Y/n, sweetheart, look at me,” Bucky pleaded with you, caressing your face softly. “You’re safe, you’re okay, I’m here.”

“I- I killed them,” you choked out. “I killed them, I killed them.” You repeated the sentence about a dozen times, looking Bucky in the eyes. “Thirty-six.”

Bucky looked at you confused, Shuri’s eyes held the same emotion. 

“What’s thirty-six?” Bucky asked though he assumed he knew what you meant.

“People, Bucky. Thirty-six people. I killed thirty-six people.”

Two Days Later

You hadn’t gotten a nightmare since the one that confirmed your worst fear. Bucky couldn’t sleep as you slept, not knowing if you’d ever get another one. 

He’d watch you the whole night, not that he ever minded.

Thirty-six. All the kills were volunteer Hydra agents, so Bucky didn’t mind all that much, though you were forced to kill them for their ‘betrayal’ to Hydra. But with the twenty from your rescue mission, that was fifty-six people you’d killed. When you hated the idea of killing even one.

Part of him was relieved they never got far enough to make you kill anyone that would land you in the same position he was in, needing a pardon that so many people didn’t even think he deserved. 

Watching you wake up, Bucky looked down at you as you opened your eyes to look back at him. 

“Hi,” you whispered, drowsiness hinted at in your tone. “I missed you.”

Bucky chuckled. “I’ve been here the whole time, baby.”

“I know,” you sighed, snuggling closer to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Bucky shook his head. “What are you apologizing for?” 

Sitting up slightly, you positioned yourself on your stomach, resting your arm on Bucky’s chest which you then rested your head on.

Biting down on your lip, you exhaled once more. “I know I scared you the other night, and before you say it wasn’t my fault, I know that none of this would’ve happened if I had just stayed here until you got back from your mission.”

“Baby…”

“I mean it, Buck,” you emphasized. “I don’t want you to see me go through what you went through. You don’t deserve that. It’s triggering, it’s scary, and you’ve come too far to be swallowed by all of that fear again.”

Bucky couldn’t quite gather the motive behind your words, but he’d hoped you didn’t mean you wanted to break things off. He found that it would eat him alive far worse than anything Hydra could do to him.

“You’re the air I breathe, you know that?” He said in a whisper. “When you’re hurt, I’m hurt. When you’re sick, I feel sick. It doesn’t matter how close or far I am, it doesn’t matter if we’re together or separate. You’re everything to me. Hydra doesn’t scare me anymore, they can’t reach me anymore and I meant that.” 

He cupped your face in his hands. “My priority is you. I need to make sure you’re okay. Fury knew that Hydra was looking for you and even if it was your decision to go into that base alone, I could never blame you for doing what any one of us would have done.”

Leaning into his touch, you kissed the palm of each of his hands. “I love you, Bucky. So much.”

“I love you, too, Y/n. More than you know.”

Three Months Later

First mission back, and you felt better than ever before.

The last three months were far from easy. You had gotten nightmares here and there, Bucky immediately comforting you, especially during the worst ones. He hated seeing you sob, but he knew that the trauma from Hydra never truly left. 

Word had gotten out about the files the organization had kept on you, the public finding that you’d killed for them, which some didn’t take lightly. They weren’t nearly as ruthless as they were with Bucky, your work with the Avengers already overshadowing your actions under Hydra’s authority. Steve got you talking to Dr. Raynor as mandated sessions when the government had meddled its way into your history with Hydra. It took a lot of negotiating and convincing that you weren’t under Hydra’s control anymore; the government was worried they’d have a repeat of the Winter Soldier on the streets, but Steve and Tony managed to assure them that there was nothing to worry about. Seeing the two of them in a united front definitely helped your case. 

After a few sessions with Raynor, you could see why Bucky hated the woman. You swear you had told him she should be fired.

“Yeah, baby, I’d have to agree with you on that one.”

You, Bucky, and Steve were back in Siberia, at the same location from the events three months prior. 

“Okay, bomb’s in and ready to detonate,” Bucky alerted Steve through comms.

“Let’s blow this place to hell,” Steve responded.

As you all evacuate and boarded the jet, Steve hit the detonator once you were at a fair distance so the shock wouldn’t hit the quinjet. You stared off as the building fell into pieces, sighing to yourself mostly in relief. 

“You okay?” Bucky asked, rubbing a comforting hand on your knee. 

You looked over at him and gave him a warm smile. “I will be.”

Leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss on his lips, Bucky kissed your temple afterward. He knew you were being sincere, and he was glad that you were okay.

—

It feels good to be back! I’ve had this in my drafts for a few months and finally got the motivation to finish it. I hope you enjoyed it; thanks for reading!

[gb-patch]

[The beautiful guest art piece is by allie_ozS on Twitter]

Welcome to 2023 everybody ✨!!!

We’ve got Baxter, Tamarack, and Qiu to celebrate with us. It is their year, after all.

It's always an exciting time thinking about everything that could happen over the course of a new year. Our Life: Beginnings & Always will at long last get its final DLC and Our Life: Now & Forever will be the major project in development. That's amazing. 

Speaking of, there are two major launches planned for 2023 at GB Patch Games.

Our Life: Beginnings & Always – Baxter’s Story DLC

Second Quarter (April-June)

Our Life: Now & Forever Demo Expansion + Crowdfunding Launch

Third Quarter (July-September)

And those happen to be all the goals I’m setting for 2023. We're keeping it simple, haha. I usually love to plan out as many milestones as I can, and it never works out as intended. Because of that I'm sticking to only the most central production points for the official goals.

But that’s not to say there won’t be anything else to look forward to over these next twelve months, it’ll just be a surprise for you, and me, what ends up actually happening.

For one example, it was mentioned in the year review post that right now the Google Playstore releases are on hold until an error is fixed in the engine we use. There is a chance we’ll be able to start putting games on that storefront in 2023, but it can’t be guaranteed or given a specific date.

And another consideration is that with Our Life: Now & Forever coming to the forefront of development, I'll want to have something else on the backburner. As excited as I am for the game, I couldn't only work on OL2 until it's complete. At least part of my efforts this year will be going into creating another piece of content. But I don't know exactly which, or if it'll only be one thing. There are multiple options. One of these days there might be some interesting previews appearing on the Patreon, and then later on the public social media as well.

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Along with these year-long goals, I’ve noted the usual monthly plans in the full post HERE.

And with the updating done, I wanna give all my appreciation to our players! I'm able to go into 2023 knowing with total certainty that I can spend this year working on developing our projects. GB Patch Games has gotten so much support from people who love the Our Life series, and our older games too. It's absolutely wonderful, and I never want to take it for granted. For however many more years I'm around to do this, I'll do my best to make all your kindness and encouragement worth the while.

Thank you again for coming here to see how things are going! I hope we'll all have a wonderful 2023 💕. 

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