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binniesthighs · 4 years

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what you heard | reader x changjin

a/n: hi. its missing changjin hours also now I am addicted to poly r/ship fics so here is what my brain came up with hehe (pic creds to OPs!)

what you heard | reader x changjin

Pairing: self insert, hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader x seo changbin

Genre: smut w/ fluffy tones

Tags: poly r/ship, comfort fic, outdoors sex, friends to lovers, discovery of feelings, idiots in love, with a lil bit of comedy, college au, teehee switch!changbin, switch!hyunjin, switch!reader, they’re all kinda fighting for dominance muhaha (its those bestie vibes ahaha), bratty behavior on all sides, jinnie kinda flips a switch when he gets in the mood (hehe pun intended), spitroasing (r), unprotected sex (stay safe!), sex under the stars hehe, penetration and fingering (r), oral (r & m), face fucking, cumshot, cum eating, that good, good makin’ out, soft and intimate body touching hell yeah, fluffy ending

Word count: 6.8k

Recommended listening: what you heard by Sonder

If there was something that you and your two bestfriends were the best at, it was getting your heart broken.

Hopeless romantics you all were, in one way or another. In fact, it would take even more than your set of three hands to count the number of times that the three of you had come over with a broken heart, seeking ice cream, hugs, or plates to break.

Changbin was the kind to fall in love slowly, but when he did, it consumed him, and everything that he was. He would become convinced that there was no one better for him in the whole world. He would spend sleepless night writing songs and poetry about those who would occupy his mind. Changbin would write love letter after love letter to never send them, or to have them crinkled into papery balls, and slam-dunked into his waste bin. He would often joke that he was ready to love someone, but he just didn’t quite know how to. Under it all, you and Hyunjin knew that he must’ve been scared if they didn’t love him back.

Hyunjin fell in love with people at the drop of a hat. It was his “fatal flaw” as he liked to to joke about too. The gorgeous blond man would fall in love over hearts scribbled on coffee cups, smiles in passing, and compliments on days when he had caught the bus late. This man was the kind to sing love songs loudly in the shower no matter who heard him, and would often have a new crush by the week. Unlike Changbin, he had no fear when it came to confessing, but had even worse luck getting someone to take his words seriously. Hyunjin had too much love to give, and never received enough back.

You, on the other hand, delayed love for as long as you could, no matter how much that you would dream of it. Love came to you in the forms of movies and books, fictional characters and song lyrics. You wrote about the love you had to give in countless journals and on the back of sticky-notes that had been used on the front-side. Love was more of an abstract concept to you. It was never something that you could touch but rather dream about. However, while this wasn’t the worst way to view it all, you still thirsted for something more. A hand to hold, a warm body to tangle up in the sheets with you.

On this day in particular, you and your friends had gathered for a meeting: your “Unofficial Lonely Hearts Club” as you called it. You couldn’t recall who had called the meeting after the long week that you had, but it was likely what each of you had needed.

These nights would often start the same: the three of you shoved into Changbin’s pickup, windows down, night air in your lungs, some song on the stereo that Changbin had been into these days. The three of you lived in the typical college city nestled into the side of some mountainside--a stark contrast to where you had come from before. It was the kind of place where people went to forget about who they were before to become new people. For some reason, some crazy fraction of the people who moved there, never left.

First chance you got, you would move the hell out of there: a place full of so much heartbreak and disappointment…who could dare to stay?

Hyunjin stuck his hand out the window, making little waves with his palm in the wind. You wondered what he had been thinking of that night; if he was sad or if he was happy. After knowing him for nearly four years now, you knew there was nothing in the world that he deserved more than to feel all the warmth that he had conveyed to others. It was a crime that he never got it back.

Changbin’s free arm held to the handle above the car door frame, and he flexed and relaxed his muscles as he hung his fingers there. You too wondered what thoughts floated on his mind: if he was making up lyrics or if he was putting together some grad story or gesture only for it to never see the light of day. He too deserved all the love the world could offer.

Changbin’s car sped up the dirt road to the lookout spot where kids would go to get drunk, high, or possibly both. It was a dreary and empty Wednesday evening, and secretly you hoped that no other rambunctious students would be there to shatter bottles on the craggy rocks. His headlights lit the path ahead, and the car bounced on the rough road with dusty orange rocks. The higher you got to the mountainside, the more static-y the stereo would buzz until soon all that was left were broken lyrics.

There was one spot you liked particularly: it was a ledge that would jut out horizontally, giving a clear view to the whole of the land below: you would see the white lights from the nearby hospital, and the stadium lights from that god-awful football stadium that had sucked up your student loans. Further, you could see river on the edge of the city-line, and how it would ripple in dark blue sparkles under the moonlight.

Your two best friends would grab the blankets that were habitually kept in the backseat made of scratchy wool, but this only made them warmer. Changbin also kept a couple camping lamps in his car to light up the dark space of his cargo bed. The weight of your bodies would shake the space and make the car bounce a bit on its wheels when the three of you would cuddle up between eachother to take in the scene.

On nights like tonight, neither of you would say much, but just look out and feel it all. There was a kind of beauty in the simplicity of the way that everything seemed so still up there, or how time had appeared to stop somewhat. If you were lucky, you could hear the hoot of an owl, or some other critter rustling in the bushes.

Hyunjin was always the one to sit in the middle, and he would take turns resting his head upon your shoulder or Changbin’s sighing deeply into how they would rise and fall. You hugged your knees to yourself and wondered how many more times you would come up here with them, or if after graduation, it would happen at all. It was painful to consider, but you even wondered if they would be in your life at all after everything ended.

“I’m sick of being lonely.” Hyunjin said into the cold air. He shifted, looking both you and your other friend in the eyes. “Its depressing and exhausting.”

“What are you talking bout ‘Jin?” Changbin threw his hoodie over his head.

“I mean moping about people who don’t ever feel the same...feeling sad when it doesn’t go my way...I’m sick of it!! I just wanna like, give up!! Would it be so hard for me to just like, stop feeling??”

“Oh Jinnie...don’t be ridiculous. You can’t just stop falling in love with people. It’s impossible. Not just for you but...” You exhaled out, “...for all of us.”

“Yeeeah, I don’t think that you have much control over that.” Changbin agreed.

“No, seriously!! It’s shit!!”

You wrapped your arms around him lovingly, nuzzling into his shoulder to sooth him, “I know, I know.”

“Aren’t you guys sick of it?? The three of us must be cursed or something.”

Changbin laughed out his little trademark chuckle and ruffled up his friends blond locks. “You’re being dramatic again Hyunjin. It’s not that bad.”

“Psh! Says you who hasn’t gone on a date in months!”

“Hey!!”

You flicked both of your friends on the sides of their heads. “Cut it out, will you? We came up here to relax and forget all that stuff, remember?”

Hyunjin gave out a sign in his exasperation, turning to fiddle with his little Bluetooth speaker that had definitely seen better days. The last crickets of the season chirped in the early fall air, and the little device booted up with the tiny ringtone that you knew well.

“Anything we want to listen to in particular?”

“Whatever you feel like Jinnie.”

The little blue-white light of his phone illuminated his face, and Hyunjin picked a song that you had likely heard dozens of times before. It was from that artist that he had adored to bits, but only really listened to when he was feeling down.

“Oh Jinnie.” You hushed, then wrapped your arm around his wide shoulder. “No one deserves you.”

Changbin let his head fall on the other boy’s shoulder too. When the three of you were close like this with your body heat shared between you, it was cozier than anything imaginable. While you and your two friends weren’t the most touchy of people, there were still times when you could huddle up, and it was no secret that it felt safer than anything.

Hyunjin chuckled a bit, causing his shoulders to shake. “You know what they say in those movies about people who can’t find love after long?”

“What’s that?”

“They say, “By the time that we turn thirty, if neither of us have found love, lets just marry eachother.””

Changbin scoffed, “And you’re bringing this up why?”

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous idea if the three of us decided to do that, right? Seeing how the current trend is going?”

You exchanged adoring and teasing glances with Changbin over your adorably naïve friend.

“I think you’re missing something out of that equation Jin.”

His doe-eyes widened, “What’s that?”

“In all of those movies, it was usually two people who made that promise.”

“Two people, three people, what does it matter? As of right now, its looking like the only people that we’ve got is eachother.”

Hyunjin stretched out his hands into his sweater paws and made a little squeak when he cracked his back.

“What do you say?”

“Hm.” Changbin cleared his throat, “So you’re being serious?”

“What’s so crazy about it?” Convinced as ever, he counted out the points on his fingers, “We could all live together like we’ve always talked about, we’ll never be lonely and have someone to do things with, we don’t have to be second guessing ever, waiting for someone to call us back...we all already know eachother really well so there will be no surprises...”

“Oh, so you are being serious about it then?” You ruffled his hair up a bit, just to get a rise out of him like it usually would.

“I mean...it’s not like it would be hard...right?”

Changbin sucked at his teeth, “Mm. I guess not.”

“But isn’t a marriage supposed to be like, having kids, being in love, being...partners?” You added.

Hyunjin stammered with frantic hands, “W-well, we don’t have to do everything!! Marriage is so conventional these days, we don’t have to follow all the rules, especially since there will be the three of us anyway.”

Changbin sighed, casting his head up to the ocean-blue sky dotted with silvery constellations and the red blinking lights of airplanes overhead.

“You’re still forgetting something Jinnie.”

The blond tiled his head.

“The part about being in love?”

The tallest boy shied his hair behind his ear, then tucked his chin into one of the blankets.

“I mean...I know that I love you guys. I wouldn’t mind spending the time...”

Your chest buzzed with warmth hearing your friend say it for the first time. It previously had been somewhat of an unspoken phrase between the three of you, but now that he had said it out loud, it felt even more real.

“Awww, I love you too Jinnie.”

Changbin scoffed once more and picked with the fraying ends of the blanket. “I guess I do too.”

The cargo bed grew silent while the three of you chewed on the idea. The longer you thought about it, it started to make sense bit by bit. After all, through all the confusion and the broken hearts, ice cream and broken plates, your little group understood each other better than most. When there were tears to dry, each of you knew exactly what to do. You had loved them all along, you always had.

“I really love you guys...I think.” Hyunjin finally said, and linked his arms with yours and the other man’s.

“What are you doing getting all cheesy for, huh?” Changbin nudged him with a smirk.

“I don’t know, I guess I just never really thought about it like that before.”

“Like what?”

“Out of all the people that I’ve “loved” I don’t think that I’ve ever loved them like I have with you both.”

“What do you mean?” Under the swath of blankets, your knee nudged against his, and he jumped a bit from the feeling.

Both you and Changbin looked at him attentively and how his lip quivered, and soft eyes glistened from the glow of the lanterns.

“M-maybe all along...I’ve been in love with you?”

“Like, in love, in love?”

“I don’t know...maybe?” He rubbed his eyes like he would’ve had they been lured with sleep. “Maybe I’m just, making things up...I don’t know. It’s getting late.” He laughed out with a tentative breath, “I’m saying things that don’t make sense.”

Changbin looked out at the stretch of city lights as if he was contemplating the idea himself.

“I guess that it wouldn’t be impossible.” He said blankly.

“What!?” You tried to look at both of your best friends as seriously as you could. While your heart started racing, it was as if it was against your will.

“It’s kinda funny,” Changbin began, “The three of us always complain about how love never really comes our way when we’ve already got it...right here.”

Logically speaking, it made sense. You and your two best friends really did know eachother better than anyone else ever had. When you had met as scared little 1st years without a clue in the world how to be your own people. You had figured it all out together. The ways that you had showed love to each other had been a bit different--but it was still all the same. If you were to have not met them all those years ago, your life would’ve been drastically different. You couldn’t even picture it.

Perhaps in all of your little rambles in journals and daydreams, was what you were looking for...them?

“Maybe we were just looking in the wrong place?” You offered, and both of them shrugged.

“It’s possible.” Hyunjin pulled both of your arms closer to him, and rubbed his cheek into the top of your head, then Changbin’s dark curls. He giggled out, tackling the two of you to lay flat on the cargo bed. It crinkled with a plastic sounding thud, then he wrapped his legs up in both of yours the best that he could.

Under his arm, you choked a little from his tight grasp, but you eventually let yourself mold into the curves of his body and soak up his warmth. The scratchy wool tickled at your cold fingers, and you soon felt Changbin’s hand come searching for you under the blanket too. It was a bit startling at first, but he reached out to hold your arm, then rubbed small circles into it with his thumb where you rested them on Hyunjin’s chest.

It was as if he was a bit delirious, but Hyunjin chortled with laugher until he had lost his breath, and his lyrical sounding voice bounced off the cavern of the mountain and echoed up into space.

“Why do I...weirdly...kinda...wanna make out with you guys right now?”

Changbin pinched his friend with a teasing grin, “You mean it?”

Hyunjin pouted with his plush pink lips, “I thought we all just agreed that we were in love with eachother??”

“Jinnie...” You settled your head into the crook of his neck, right by his collarbones.

“Damn. Glad I’m not the only one.” Changbin bit a smirk into his lip, then propped himself up on his forearm to gain better ground on you and the other man.

Your fluttering heart beat it’s way up your throat and into your ears, and your two friends looked at you expectantly.

“O-outside? Right now?”

“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” Changbin traced his thumb and index under Hyunjin’s smooth jaw.

“Aha! So you admit that you want to too!!” Hyunjin beamed and tugged at the sleeves of your own hoodie.

“I-I didn’t say that...”

Hyunjin leaned over on his side to face you. “Y/n, how about lets make a deal. We try it out, see how it feels, if it feels weird, we stop and pretend it never happened?”

“I don’t know Jinnie...this seems pretty friendship ending to me.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Changbin said with a sly grin.

The tallest boy pleaded to you with nearly needy eyes. “I think that it would feel nice? Besides...none of us have really...felt that...in a while.”

Changbin’s creeping hands came surveying over Hyunjin’s deep green pullover, and the other boy shivered out a little feeling the touch.

Hyunjin’s own curious hands reached out to hold both sides of your face gingerly with pink fingertips.

“I know that I’d like to kiss you...if you’ll let me?”

Both of your friends waited for you as you took turns checking with both of them. The whole prospect was unimaginable, but now...with both of them in front of you, both more real than anything you could have ever thought up, it started to make all the sense in the world.

“What do you say?” Hyunjin asked with a dreamy air. It was chilly on that early fall evening, so he tucked up the blankets even higher. It was a simple gesture, but still held multitudes of his care.

“It doesn’t hurt to try...”

You felt your face pulled closer to his, and all at once his warmth flooded your lips. It was a strange feeling your friend’s lips on yours like this, but while it was new, it was comfortable. Your friend relaxed himself over you, smiling with the corners of his mouth, and slowly sucking at your lower lip like he didn’t want to startle you with anything too fast. His glossy lips stuck with his favored strawberry flavored Chapstick, and you only wanted to taste more. He hummed with a little happy sound, and his larger hands nearly covered your whole face where he helped tilt your head a little so that he could gift deeper kisses to it.

Beside him, Changbin shook with a sigh watching the two of you, a different kind of passion growing within him seeing the two of the people that he loved most do something like this. He was a bit unsure at first, but he tucked back his friend’s blonde edges to free the skin of his neck, then sucked little kisses there too. He to was careful, and didn’t want to leave marks, but rather feel the way that Hyunjin’s skin dotted with goosebumps from the feeling and then let kitten-sounding whimpers go from the pressure on his neck.

While the night itself was nearly too cold to bear, the three of your bodies heated instantly, and you nearly felt as if the sweater that kept you warm was even too much. Hyunjin parted his lips slightly to enter your mouth with his tongue, and it was a feeling so indulgent that you tried to hide from your friend how good he could make you feel out of your own embarrassment.

Your name slithered from his lips to yours, and you tucked your hands under his sweater, finding Changbin’s hands there too on the other boy’s bare skin. Hyunjin flinched from feeling both sets of hands on his muscles. His abs flared from the attention, and he accidentally bit into your lip feeling the cold pads of fingers on him.

Now that you had one taste of him your body could only crave more.

Changbin tilted Hyunjin’s gasping and swollen lips to his own where he took his own turn gifting the other boy his affection. Hyunjin pressed his whole chest into the other man in an attempt to get closer and Changbin’s hands splayed across his back to hold him tightly. The two of them giggled a bit as they roughly worked their way around each other’s mouths. Changbin, a little smaller in the other man’s wide and long arms appeared to swim in him, and the two of them melted between the thick fabric of their clothes.

Once more your hands went journeying up Hyunjin’s shirt, and you ran your fingers over every curve and twist of his back: from the little dimples above his hips, his ribs, his sweeping shoulder blades and each swelling bit of fleshy dorsal muscle you could get your hands on. You had never realized how curious you had been for him in this way, but it delighted you to feel him this close.

Legs became anxious under the wool blankets, and tangled up with little regard for personal space, and hips writhed asking for attention that had been kept for them for far too long.

Changbin moved down Hyunjin’s jaw to give him more kisses to his tender neck, sucking harder this time to imprint little purple marks. You had never taken Changbin to be one to do so, but something told you that he was one to take pride in those that he loved, and wanted them to be his only.

“B-Bin...” Hyunjin’s voice wavered, no longer loud enough to bounce off the rocks surrounding you.

From the way that Changbin kissed the other boy, you instantly craved for him to do the same for you. Across the width of your gorgeous blond friend, you tossed around Changbin’s dark and curly strands, and soaked up his warmth to your hand cracking from the cold.

You called out for him too, and found your hips grinding into Hyunjin’s back, becoming more impatient by the moment. The way that both of them touched you, and each other was...different. There was no fear, no heartbreak, no uncertainty or loneliness. When you thought of it later, it was if the three of you could actually heal from it all for the first time.

Changbin’s eyes softened hearing you beg for him, and he helped you slide closer to him.

“Hm. You’re so cute.” He muttered before filling your mouth with his own kisses. Changbin appeared to channel everything that he had in him to give to you--it was no surprise considering the romantic that he was. He was attentive and slow; rough at first, but then melting into something much more infatuating. Hyunjin took his turn swiping his hands up and down your thighs, kneading into the skin, and then tucking up your sweater. He shimmied down your body, pressing soft lips into your belly to make you tremble from the pleasant gesture. He made his way up higher, up to your chest where he exposed even more skin to the cold, but was sure to make up for it by keeping the blankets close.

Changbin swiped his thumb over both of your lips, smiling as he did so.

“Have I ever told you that you’re really breathtaking?” He said with a tone so sultry it was a bit laughable.

“I don’t think so?”

He too took a greedy hand down your chest where Hyunjin nipped lightly, admiring the way that you had looked under the moonlight. He brought his fingers back to your lips, giving you a tiny and accidental taste of his fingertips, then promptly resumed the kisses that you had asked for.

Hyunjin worked his way back up your body, stopping at last to lap lightly into your neck with tiny fleeting love bites and delighted in the way that he could see them fade onto your skin--almost like you and him were a matching set now.

Changbin broke his lips from yours, creating a tiny wet sound with a thin string of his saliva on your your bottom lip.

Hyunjin played with the elastic of your sweatpants, gasping out a bit once he saw your legs rub together in the absence of friction. His eyes wandered slowly to his other friend who had grinded his hips down into the cargo bed with a quivering length.

“Are we about to do what I think we are?” He asked, both thrilled and shocked.

“Seems like it.” Changbin said simply after going to caress the other man’s cheek.

“Damn. I was not expecting this night to go like this.” Your voice shook, either from anticipation, or from the cold--you couldn’t quite tell.

“Me neither...but I’m not mad about it.”

“Friendship offically ruined?” Hyunjin said with a mischievous little smile.

The breeze blew through, wrapped up in the smell of the crisp mountain air. Hyunjin’s little speaker played on with his songs that you still knew the names of. There wasn’t too much light, just the glow from the inside of Changbin’s car and his lanterns, but it was just enough to take in your friends fully--the ones that you had cared for so much, you didn’t even known how much you had. While you would’ve been worried about getting caught on that Wednesday night, this mattered little.

“I’d say so.” You answered, and it was exactly what they had wanted to hear.

The three of you opted to keep your tops on to fight off the elements, but under the covers, you each jiggled off pairs of joggers, jeans and sweatpants. The car bounced once more as the three of you readjusted. As soon as bare legs intertwined and the thin fabric of undergarments got thrown into the mix, you each got louder and more desperate for wandering touches that could quell your desires.

With twisted and oversized socks, Hyunjin straddled both sides of Changbin’s head, letting the other man palm the outline of his dick and squeeze at it harshly until he shivered over the smaller man’s frame.

“Damn Jin...” Changbin groaned seeing the other’s length. “You’ve been packing and didn’t feel like sharing?”

“S-shut up.” Hyunjin whined as the other teased him.

You worked bite after bite down Changbin’s torso, sucking lightly, then harder. After long, you found that it tickled him a little--this knowledge you would save for another time.

He wore baggy boxers which hid the full girth of his dick that swelled with his erection that bopped and only appeared to grow larger once you and released him. Thick veins wrapped around his length, and his tip flared where you grabbed him into your palm.

“I could say the same to you, Bin.” You teased your friend.

Hyunjin turned to see for himself, laughing out, seeing the way that it looked in your smaller hand.

“Bin, what the fuck?”

“...Intimidated are you?”

The other boy tossed his head back, hair getting caught in his hoodie. “No...”

Changbin snapped the elastic to Hyunjin’s briefs just because he liked the sound, then pulled the other’s member out to pump at the considerable length with his fist. The blonde boy choked out a gasp at the strong grip, and Changbin dug his fingers around the other’s waist to bring in him closer.

“What me to suck this pretty dick of yours?”

“Do I even need to answer that question?” Hyunjin snarked.

Further down, you worked your own hand around Changbin’s cock which you had lathered at first with your spit. Obscene sounds of the liquid cupped in your hand, then you worked your mouth down to his gloriously thick thighs. Something overtook you then, and all you wanted to to was ravage them, make them all yours, mark them as yours, and make the quiver all because of you.

Your fingernails dug into the fleshy and squishy skin, and Changbin moaned out forcefully feeling the sting.

“Feels good?” You asked with a wicked grin, then returned to sucking bruises into the inner parts of his thighs.

“You’re gonna...gonna distract me.” He sighed out, still jerking the other boy away.

Hyunjin swiped away the other man’s curly bangs so he could see him fully. He guided his length over Changbin’s mouth, teeth clenched with a tight exhale once he felt the warmth of the other’s tongue lapping up the sides of his shaft.

Your teasing was enough, and you finally granted your friend what he wanted. With a girth as wide as he had, it was somewhat of a challenge, but a challenge that you gleefully expected. He had puffed up your cheeks fully, and you could barely take in half is length without it testing the back of your throat. Still, you focused your breath coming out of your nose, and swallowed him down deeper. Your eyes wetted from the simulation to your gag reflex, but you held on for as long as you could. At last, your wish was granted, and his marked up thighs shook just for you.

“Bin...fuck.” The blond shuddered upon coaxing himself fully into his friend’s mouth. He moaned out sinfully feeling the twist of the other man’s tongue.

To give yourself a moment’s pause, you stopped, gasping over your friend’s slit, teasing your tongue around his head, dipping down to the place where he dripped with beads of precum.

Changbin laughed out breathily, swearing easily and calling out your name too with a rasp to his tone. “S-shit...”

“Getting too distracted?” Hyunjin purred, seeing the other man made a wreck by you. “What about me?”

“S-sorry.” Changbin admitted, wetting his lips and taking back Hyunjin’s cock into his hollowed cheeks.

As you swallowed around him, your friend rutted his hips just slightly, his lust overtaking him.

“Oh fuck, just like that, mm--” Hyunjin cooed, getting lost in his own ecstasy with head thrown back, and his sweater paws melting down to Changbin’s quaking chest where he supported himself.

You worked your hand and mouth up and down around the pulsating vein’s of your best friend’s length, lazily letting him feel your flattened tongue, then switching to let him feel the tightness of your throat.

Hyunjin sighed out heavily as looked down at his friend who had taken him so well. It was almost as if he felt cheated from the crappy head that he had been getting in dirty bathrooms and semi-public dressing rooms. It was dangerous in the way that Changbin would stroke him languidly, then let his drool wet his tip.

Further down your hips, the pent up heat from your own sex ached on the cool plastic of the cargo bed, and you grinded your hips down for any simulation you could get.

The blonde man whimpered out after long, feeling even hazier the longer that Changbin continued on. “Binnie...you’re...feels really--fuck--so, good...”

It was as if the words hand been a trigger for him, but your friend pulled his length for your mouth, panting out like a dog, while also robbing Hyunjin of all feeling.

“Don’t-don’t wanna cum yet...” He laughed out, “I was really fucking close.”

Hyunjin pouted, then turning back and look at you with a bit of your own saliva running down your neck.

“Your turn now.” He nearly whispered, then crawled down the other man’s body to jerk at him lightly.

“Jin! I-I--” He clenched his teeth.

“Lay down, y/n. Is there any way that you want it?”

“A-anything. Anything that you want to do. I-I don’t care.” You begged, falling under his spell.

“Aw. Cute.” He added once he had seen the purple marks on Changbin’s thighs.

You fell back under the two of them, opening yourself up for them to do as they wished. First, Hyunjin crept down your body with as much care as he could--beautiful in the way the he looked close to you like this.

Hyunjin’s hand cascaded down your chest, then belly, all the way down to your own twitching and wetted sex, and you keened directly into his touch.

“Wouldn’t you like my fingers? Filling you up...” He asked softly, finally sinking down far enough so that you could feel his words swirl over your exposed arousal, then pressing light kisses into you. “...as deep as you can take it?”

“Mm-yes.” You squeaked, opening your legs further for him.

Your other friend settled beside you, tilting your chin nearer to him. Just barely, his lips grazed over you, breathing in your air with his hooded eyes glued to your weakened form under the hands of the other boy.

“You’re that excited?” Hyunjin mocked, “We’ve barely touched you.”

“Quit talking and just get to fucking me, got it?” You demanded, mustering all of your strength.

“Oh-ho! I didn’t take you for one to bite back.”

Changbin bit a proud little smile into your lip, wrapping his arms around you. The blond man then toyed with your entrance, licking his fingers, wetting them, then pushed them slowly into your needy hole.

“Ahhh, look at that, so fucking tight around my fingers, You want it that bad?”

His long and lithe digits filled you up where he started to thrust them in and out, using his free hand to push your jolting thighs back. Your right hand traversed it’s way under the blankets which you had readjusted, all the way down to Changbin’s leaking length which still blushed red. You wrapped around him carefully, promising his to lips that you would go easy on him.

As Hyunjin curled his fingers, the other man then reached down to rub at you fervently, matching the pace at which Hyunjin flicked his wrist. Your hips lurched feeling the combination of each sensation, and you cried out loudly for the two of them--the sound itself bounced off that empty space where the three of you existed, almost as if you were calling out for the whole starry sky to hear you.

“I-I think that we were really missing out on something...” You joked with an airy breath and both of your friends joined you.

Changbin’s teeth caught his lip as your hand squeezed and twisted, and you could see with every ounce of restraint that he had, he was holding back.

“Way to make me want to fuck you sideways, huh?” He said with a little grin, observing the size difference between your hand and his member.

Your back arched when Hyunjin reached in even deeper, and you dissolved into the pleasure that he brought you--an amazing kind of all-consuming feeling that shattered your will, and sent you mewling out into your other friends mouth.

“I-I can’t wait anymore,” You begged, clawing right into Hyunjin’s golden trellises.

Changbin scooched up quickly, taking half of the blankets with him, thankfully giving the other boy a nod when he let him be the one to use your entrance. With his brutish hands, he flipped you to your stomach, and hiked up your hips too, cold fingers holding them in place. Hyunjin kneeled permitting you access to his cock which as softened slightly, so he pumped himself back into place with his eyes holding yours.

At first, Changbin teased you with his tip, adding pressure to your twitching hole, then guided himself in bit...by bit.

The blonde tapped his dick to your lips, holding firmly the back of your neck as you took him in and choked out at the way that the other stretched your walls. Changbin grabbed at your ass in handfuls starting slowly, grinding his hips in little circles to simulate you deeper.

“Hm. Who would have known that your pretty little hole would be so perfect for me? Guess we really were missing out on something.”

Hyunjin growled lowly feeling his cock slide down to the back of your throat, brows crossed, and the bottom of his hoodie resting just above his hips.

“Squeeze my leg if it becomes too much, okay? ...I’m gonna fuck your mouth, okay?”

You nodded best you could, and he started to thrust carefully, every few seconds you would hold his member to drag it against the sides of your cheeks, causing him to huff out loudly at the fleshy bits of your mouth.

Changbin quickened his pace, doubling over your back as he lost himself in you, grunting out in his rhythm. From both sides, your best friends used you, resorting to something much more feral as they edged themselves closer. From the motions, the car rocked back and fourth like a bed and it’s headboard.

You too felt the tension build deeply in your core, and it begged with reckless abandon at your dizzy mind that drew itself closer and closer into the feeling of being utterly all theirs.

In many ways, you guessed that you always had been--while it had been unspoken at the time. Now, having the two of them wholly like this under the silver sheen of the moon, the cold biting at your skin, then furiously met with your heat, you could no longer see them as the two broken souls whom you had bonded with at first. They were now everything, everything that you had wished and hoped for.

Even now that you had become much more to each other, there was nothing that could take away the closeness that you had shared with them.

“F-fuck--gonna cum--” Changbin announced while he pounded frantically. The other man rolled his hips into your mouth quicker too, seeking the same kind of release.

“Y/n?” He said with a broken breath, and you muffled out a moan to let him know that you were nearly there too.

“Oh shit, oh shit--”

Changbin grunted out, with a bit of panic to his voice, forcefully removed himself from you seconds before he spilled his white seed onto your hole, then sending it dripping down your leg.

“Oh fuck--s-sorry--” He gasped out, still jerking his cock while he pulsed.

“Bin!! What the fuck??” Hyunjin yelled out, his words quickly turned into mumbles of nonsense when you took him down as deeply as you could manage without gagging, focusing only on him even though your sex ached feeling so empty.

When he had come down after a few moments, Changbin took to fucking your walls once more with his thick fingers, not even caring that he had fucked his white warmth back into you at the same time. Meanwhile, he returned to rubbing of your sensitive flesh, trying to replace the feeling he had robbed you of.

“Cum for me baby, cum for me.”

On cue, you came in waves, shuddering over Changbin’s fingers slicked with his cum, just as your other friend released down your throat and the warm liquid painted your tongue.

His blissful moans turned into light chuckles as he milked himself into your mouth, giving you every last drop. Changbin drove you further, overstimulating you to the point where your knees nearly gave out, and you had to beg him to slow.

After each of your bodies collapsed weakly to the bed of blankets and rejected clothing, you drew the covers back up over yourselves, feeling the cold seep in once more. Both of your friends kissed perfect adoring kisses into your raw lips, tasting the both of themselves on your skin. While your thighs still stuck with your friend’s cum, it didn’t matter as much now that you had huddled up cozily into their arms.

“Bin, you asshole!!” Hyunjin jested, and flicked the other boy’s forehead. “You fucking finished before you were supposed to!!”

“What the hell was I supposed to do?? I’d already edged myself enough!!”

“You could’ve tried!!”

“Whatever, it felt fucking amazing, don’t blame me.” He added with a smug smirk, “You felt fucking amazing, y/n.”

“Did it feel good for you too, y/n?” Hyunjin gingerly asked, falling right back to his soft and adorable composure that you knew well.

“Like Bin said, it was fucking amazing.”

“So we all agree then? We won’t forget that this happened?”

You gave Hyunjin a little nod to say yes, and your group of three hugged eachother even closer. You hadn’t noticed it, but at some point, Hyunjin’s music had turned off.

“So, this means that we’re like, a thing now?” Changbin asked, playing with the drawstring to your hoodie.

You peppered Hyunjin’s forehead with a tiny kiss. “I’d like to be.”

He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and reached out for Changbin across the expanse. “Me too.”

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

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sztefa001 · 3 years

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Question about your transformers OCs, if they could get a pet. What would it be? (Also hi Sztefa!)

HI ALPS THANK FOR THE ASK! >w< <3

Okay so

Here comes the promised wall of text that took me 4 evenings to write:

Bit of summary: camera drones for Taf and Breeze (that's canon), kitty for Mini, and probably therapy dogs for all the rest xD ;w; Also I feel like a lot of that's gonna become canon. Including Morph getting a [read! not gonna spoil that one!]

Also there's a doodle at the end! :3c

Seekers Taffy and Breeze:

The pastel babs who lived away from the war in relative luxury had a bunch of cyber pets transforming into camera drones and that's canon. They're all actually one and the same pet 'cuz hive mind. Not an Earth-based pets as, well, back then they weren't on Earth nor they knew of it's existance. But you know those funny miniature goats? That's how the drone pets behave. So yeah, babies. All of them. While in drone mode they record all the best shots of the pastel babs so that the pretty seekers can select, edit, cut out gifs, pics, make videos, etc. Yep, they're influencers and celebrities. Lord Master makes big money out his two pretty properties. After breaking out and escaping they manage so save one of them and it later lives with them. Once they have a chance they most likely buy one or two more and copy that one's personality so that it has company (it feels better while in more bodies). Happy bunch once again, yay!

Seeker Renfrew:

Battered by war Breeze's long lost trinemate, some time later sparkbonds with Taffy as well. Enjoys the presence of the funny little camera drone (makes him smile!) but what he needs most is probably a therapy trained dog. Maybe Terry helps him get a specially trained cyber dog? Ren ofc appreciates Earth creatures as well, is happy when they're not scared of him.

Flying Minibot MiniMint

Being raised on Earth she's used to Earth creatures. It saddens her that they live for such a short time but it doesn't stop her from making friends with them. Is friends with local cats, dogs, birds, etc. Most likely there was/is a cat or two in her life but it's not like she's actively adopting them. If one likes her and decides to stay - "Welp, guess I have a cat now :D" Also during one of her adventures on another planet she makes friends with big horse-like creatures (or maybe just cyber horses, idk). Imagine tiny bot the size of a human riding on a wild giant robo-horse leading the whole herd. Wow.

"The Big Guy / Widower / Old Man / Ex Mafia Boss"

This guy is a side character and doesn't have a name yet, created for the sole purpose of hitting Alpine's oc Holly with major angst and drama. His story may change but what stays is that the love of his life suddenly dies and he doesn't take it well ("time to murder everyone and then myself"). But eventually he calms down and adopts a cyber dog. Big borzoi looking bab who was too nice to become an attack beast. Not therapy-trained but really good at at her job. Knows when to quietly hug or when to throw a husky-like tantrum. 10/10 best girl and she's canon.

BM-21 Grad TerrorRain

The war may be over but this hotheaded multiple rocket launcher still has no chill. Would like an attack beast, loyal and obedient. Gets a cyber doberman or sth like that to give it a military training. All goes well untill the dog is ordered to attack someone that's not a training doll. It loves destruction, sure. But when ordered to hurt another living being it will curl up apologetically and start whining. At first Terry is angry and frustrated but soon learns that there's really no need to be so violent anymore.

Monoformer Morphine

Dead inside and worn out by the war medic who may or may not be a bit addicted to sleeping pills. He doesn't really care much about anything. Would never adopt a pet on his own - that's effort and responsibility and he has already barely any energy to function. Once Terry gets a cyber dog he doesn't pay much attention to it except for being basic decent (giving head pats when doggo wants, maybe sneaking a treat or just letting the dog get spoiled a bit when Terry's not looking). He doesn't expect much from the dog but turns out its a real good boi that knows exactly when Morph is just fatigued and when has a bigger crisis. Cuddles up to the poor medic or tries to get his attention to provide distraction. Often prevents Morph from taking more drugs than he should. This also teaches Terry how to differentiate between Morph's regular-depressed and gonna-drug-myself-to-pass-out-for-the-rest-of-the-night-crisis.

Also I can't get one image out of my head, said image being Morph feeling free while horse riding. I want him to have a cyber horse. Maybe later when they move out from the Old Mafia Boss they get to live somewhere where those are? That'd be cool. Mini would defo visit often. That's it, I'm defo gonna give Morph a horse, yolo.

Monoformer StrongSpark

Tiny, blind, heavily disabled bot that barely survived after forming (or rather deforming) in highly radioactive environment; survived only becausse Morphine refused to give up on him. So yeah, basically Morph's and Terry's kid (and later also Mini's bff). The 3 of them live at the Widower's place and his dog immediately starts taking care of the kid. Helps him calm down, protects him, notifies of upcoming attacks, etc. Terry's dog cares about Sparky as well (tho these two are out more often). Tiny bab with 2 big guardians. Nice. When the good grandpa (yes, the Old Mafia Boss adots them all) passes away the family inherits the dog and the good girl officially becomes Sparky's guardian 24/7.

IF YOU MADE IT TILL THE END (or just scorlled past the descriptions) HERE'S A DOODLE OF A CYBER MINI GOAT FOR YOU:

#I wanted to draw more but got distracted #so if I make more doodles I'll just put them in another post #long post #ask answered #sztefu talks #Alpine asks #I had so much fun with it omg #also gonna make the widower an official character #just gotta find him a name #and for his dog too #I like Terry's dog too so am gonna make him canon as well #needs a name way more badass for his personality 'cuz ofc Terry would name him like that #Terry Morph and Sparky living happily with two dogs and maybe even horses QAQ #LET THEM BE HAPPY #sztefu talks in tags #sztefu's ocs #sztefu draws #YEET

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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629

What color is your bedspread? Blue and yellow. Pick up the nearest book to you, turn to page 25 and read the first sentence. I’m on the rooftop and there isn’t a book anywhere near me at the moment. How many candles are in the room you are in? No candles, just two faint beams coming from our rooftop lights. What was your first word when you were a baby? My parents didn’t give much thought to stuff like that so they didn’t keep track of my first word, whatever it was. It was most likely either mommy or daddy though. How old were you in 1996? I was...somewhere in the universe, floating around lmao.

How old will you be in 2016? I turned 18 in 2016. How long until your birthday? A little less than three months before I turn 22. How many siblings do you have? Two. Are they older or younger than you? My sister is two years younger, my brother is five years younger. Are your grandparents still alive? I have three out of four. I lost my maternal grandfather in 2015. How many orange objects are there in the room you are in? The lights we have on our rooftop emit a yellow-orange hue. Have you ever run a stoplight? Never. I’ve seen enough car crash videos to know what could possibly happen if I was that impatient/if I drove too fast to brake. Do you have any children? Nope. Maybe by the end of the decade. Saying that and knowing that it isn’t 100% bullshit feels WILD. How was your first kiss? It was mostly her. I was too overwhelmed and shaking too much to remember. That whole time I was just in disbelief that I was already having my first kiss lol. Have you completed high school yet? Yeah, almost four years ago. I’m about to complete university/college this year. Do you have any relatives in the military currently? As far as I know, no. The only person I know who’s in the military is Angela’s uncle, who she’s told me about but we’ve never met each other. I also know Kate’s brother is attending military school instead of attending a ~traditional academic university, so to speak. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? Oh my, the last wedding I was in was in 2007, and it was between my uncle (my mom’s youngest brother) and my now-aunt. The new batch of weddings I’m going to be invited to now is definitely gonna be my friends’ and I’m STOKED. What time did you get up today? I first woke up at 6 AM, but I wanted to sleep in so I officially got up at around 9. When was the last time you stayed up all night? I haven’t had an all-nighter in around three years, but I did stay up until 4 AM partying with my friends a couple of months ago. We got back to Rita’s place by 5 AM, but I guess this still kinda counts as staying up all night. How long have you had a myspace, facebook, or whatever you use? I’ve had a Facebook since 2013 (I only made one since my English teacher in freshman year required us to make an account, but I technically wasn’t allowed by my parents so I had to sign up in secret). I made a Twitter three years before that, because it was a website that my parents didn’t know about yet so it was easier to sneak in and make an account for it. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you hung out with? My cousin, Jereth. We exchanged stories and played the Switch while waiting for 2020 to hit. Person of the same sex? Gabie. She came over last Friday. What color are your eyes? They are dark brown but appear to be black most days. Do you like them? Sure, it’s not like Filipinos have a choice lolol. Have you ever had braces? Yes, I had them for a year and a half in high school. I eventually lost my retainers and never got to buy another set, so everything that the braces did was to no avail since my teeth just went back to how they looked like pre-braces. :( Turn on your mp3, cd player, radio, etc. What song is playing? Khalid’s Talk just started playing on my Spotify. What was the last thing you drank? My second cup of barako coffee is keeping me company up on the rooftop right now.

Are you better at math or art? Math. I never accomplished anything presentable in art classes. Science or History? Oooooh, ya got me. I love both, but nothing replaces my love for history. Who was your 4th grade teacher? Ms. Belen, who is actually Satan in a middle-aged woman’s body. I won’t deny that I’ve wished for her death several times; she had her favorites and made her non-favorites know that she hated them. She was just that awful. Who was your best friend in 7th grade? Gabie! We actually met in the seventh grade and she’s been my best friend ever since then. Where did you go to pre-school, if you went at all? I went to the same school from preschool to high school, which we’ll hide under the name AA. We don’t have schools divided into primary, secondary, high school and whatever else y’all have in America. Who was the last person to call you? It was my mom. We went to the mall so I can spend time in Starbucks while she was looking for fancy china (we were going to have guests the next day), and she called to tell me she was gonna drive to another mall cos she couldn’t find any good plates in the mall we were currently in.

Did you smile in your driver's license picture? Yes. They told me I was allowed to smile, so I gave a hearty grin. Apparently that’s an unusual thing to do cos most people just give a closed-mouth smile or don’t smile at all, and the people at the LTO were very amused when my license was finally printed out hahaha. Do you have a job? Not yet, but that’s my goal by the end of the year. AHHHHHHHH WILD What is your favorite smell? Curry being cooked or cookies being baked. What's your favorite brand of gum? Bazooka is classic bubblegum flavor, so I’ll go with that. Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? Nope. I think I’d find that super awkward, especially in my case because I see Gab’s sisters as my little sisters too lol. Who was your crush in 5th grade? My science teacher lmaoooo. We don’t talk about that era. Who was your first bf/gf? Gab. What color is the shirt you are wearing? Brown and black. What do you think of the 1980's? Pop music, big hair, Madonna, Michael Jackson. Have you ever dated someone more than 2 years older than you? I haven’t. How about 2 years younger? Nope. I’ve only dated one person and they’re the same age as me, so I don’t really know how I feel about age gaps in relationships. What brand of shampoo do you use? Dove. How long is your hair? It’s super long now that I hadn’t had it cut AT ALL in 2019. I want to have it long for my grad pic shoot so I’m probably not having it trimmed until February. If I lean my head a bit back, it already reaches my hips. If you could change one thing about yourself physically, what would it be? I’d have my teeth fixed. Is there a box of tissues in the room you are in right now? Nope, I’m out in the rooftop and there’s no reason to keep tissue in here lol. What time is it? 10:27 PM. Is their anything living (plant, animal, etc) in your room right now? We have plants on each corner of the rooftop. What color are the walls in your kitchen? White. All our walls are white, except for my brother’s bedroom which used to be the balcony until we had it renovated. His walls are creamish. Have you ever had a car accident? Mild ones. I’ve never been in a major crash where a car was totally destroyed or where someone was hurt. Do you have any major plans for today? There’s like half an hour left before the day officially ends, so I think I’m good. What kind of deoderant do you use? A...normal one? If you mean brands, I have a Dove one. What color is your toothbrush? Maroon and white. Do you own a digital camera? Nope. I stopped using those around seven or eight years ago. How old is the cellphone you have right now? It’s almost two years old. What are your initials, using the last letter of each of your names? NELZ. Do you know anyone named Tyler? I know a high school classmate’s stepbrother is named Tyler, but I don’t know anyone personally with that name. How about Reese? Katreen’s younger sister is named Reese. Diana? No. I know several Diannes, though. Shelby? That’s a no for me. Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with "C"? Negative. How about "L"? Also no. "E"? I haven’t. "B"? Andddddd nope. Are both your parents still living? Yep. What was the last thing you cooked? Nothing. How many times have you moved in your life? That I remember? Two. Do you live within 20 miles of your birthplace? Yeah, I think Manila counts as being pretty close to where I am now. Can you do a handstand? I can’t. I tried many times as a kid though (and hurt myself several times in the process). Is it after 11am? Well after, in fact. What day is it? Thursday, but it’s soon going to turn to Friday. What's the longest time you've ever spent on the phone? I was once on a Viber call for around eight hours straight with Gab back in like the early months of our relationship. That was insane. We never did it again after that lolol. How many pairs of brown shoes do you own? Just the one pair of brown heels. Are you on any prescribed medications? Nopes. What was the date 2 weeks ago from today? December 19th. If you aren't already married, do you expect to be married within 5 years? No. I’m giving myself between 7-10 years. How about 2 years? That’s an even bigger no. How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime? I’ve never been to a funeral, just wakes. I don’t think I’d like funerals, so I want to stay as unaware as I am now. Have you ever been far away from home on your birthday? Yeah. I was in Batangas for my 20th. I also went on a cruise around East Asia for my 18th birthday, but I was back in the Philippines by the day of my actual birthday. The cruise took place in the days leading up to it. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes. My first pets were goldfish. Do you have any tattoos? Nope. Would you ever or do you have a nose piercing? Probably not. I wanted one as a teenager though. If you only had 30 days to live, what would you do? That’s pretty dark, but uhhhhhhhh I guess I’d spend all my money, party as much as I want, drink as much as I want, look for new owner/s for my dog, drive as far as I can, spend most of the time with my girlfriend.

#survey #surveys

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fatcatlosing-blog · 5 years

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150 pounds in a year?

Yep, losing 150 pounds in a year is a crazy big goal. And I would be pretty happy if I lost a third of that! But I like to set really big goals; that excites and motivates me. So I’m putting it out there.

I’m currently 275 pounds tonight; actually, about 270 — the first five pounds are really carb water weight so I’m calling it 270. I’m a 5'6" woman and would like to weigh 120 pounds. That is a *very* aggressive goal for me. Again, I would probably be pretty happy at 130, or 150, or 180, or even 220! But 120 pounds has always been a magic number for me and I would love to experience life at that weight. So, the task at hand is: 150 pounds to lose :-)

How did I get this way? I was a normal weight through childhood and high school (maybe around 150 pounds). Then, in college I dropped pretty quickly to 132 and was THIN. It was wonderful, words can’t describe it. I would feel my body in bed and enjoyed it so much. Then I went through a lot of stress and a breakup in grad school, and decided that it would be a good idea to eat a lot to soothe myself. I meant that time period to last 3 months, it lasted 15. Whoops. So I bounced up to 200 pounds — yikes! Then, I managed to drop down to 155, stayed there for a bit, then crept up to 185. At that point, I did really dumb things for about 7 years! I did starvation low carb diets during that time, and bounced around between 155 and 200. Miserable! But I was very single, everyone I knew was getting married, and I was so desperate to get thinner so that just once — a guy I liked would like me back. Instead of always choosing someone else (who was always ALWAYS at least 60 pounds thinner than me).

So I solidified the binge eating disorder I had started in grad school — starvation diet followed by binging. Gosh, that yo-yoing. So around 34, I decided to get professional help for that, and my anxiety. WORST DECISION EVER. The anxiety drug he put me on made me just eat and eat and eat — I warned him this had happened to me in the past, he blew off my concerns. I blew up to 295 pounds. I put on almost 100 pounds in treatment for an eating disorder. Thanks team! My therapist was a joke — she wanted me to stop dieting. I was *very clear* that my goal was to not be fat anymore. My psychiatrist suggested weight loss surgery at the end — well, dude — I was only overweight when I walked in here, and I left morbidly obese, so hey-want to take any blame here? I’m sure you can tell, I’m still mad, but believe very firmly that happiness is the best revenge. I do plan to make an appointment with him when I’m thin, though.

I recently worked with a weight loss clinic, but only lost 20 pounds in a year, and the drug they put me on made my blood sugar weird, so I’m back on my own again.

Here’s the thing — this is my very last shot at the life I always wanted and honestly always assumed I would have. Married with a kid. I’ve been too fat to even think about dating for the last few years, and before that was honestly too heavy to attract anyone I liked. I’m 39 so majorly out of time. With my calculations, I have about a year left to lose as MUCH WEIGHT AS POSSIBLE, so I can meet someone, quickly get married, and if we’re very lucky, have a kid. Time is totally out. It feels like an impossible task, but it’s what I want the most out of this life, so I have to try. I have a Plan B if it doesn’t work out — which may be interesting, but I do want to try for Plan A.

A bit about my health — I’m actually pretty healthy. I have some anxiety, which is well under control at the moment — no drugs! I have one bad joint, but it was bad before I was heavy. The heaviness doesn’t help, but it’s under control. Shockingly, my blood pressure is normal, cholesterol is on the lower side, and my blood sugar is fine. For now, for all of these things. So though you might think I’m trying to lose weight for my health, I don’t need to at the moment. Maybe it helps because I haven’t been super fat for very long, and I’ve been a vegetarian most of my life. I also have never stopped exercising, no matter what has been going on with me. My main cardio now is aqua-jogging! You put on a flotation belt and pretend to run in a deep pool — feet don’t touch. Great exercise if you haven’t tried it. Nothing like the feeling of being weightless in the pool.

Well, here’s how I’m going to do it. I love the NIH’s BodyWeightPlanner tool ( https://www.niddk.nih.gov/bwp). I plugged in my plan, and it shows me getting to 120 in about a year.

Calories: 1800 to start. Drop 50 calories every month. Last month at 1200. Nothing too drastic. For hunger reasons, I’m going to try for 25% carbs, 35% protein (which at the start is 105 g carbs, 150 g protein). So, a moderate diet full of veggies, nuts, olive oil, yogurt, oatmeal, a bit of whole-wheat bread, and some frankenfood protein things (because I’m a vegetarian). Maybe about 2/3 clean food.

Exercise: swim 6 days a week, weights 3 days a week, abs 3 days a week. Ease slowly into this, since I’m older and the body doesn’t recover like it used to. Right now, I swim about 3 times a week, weights/abs maybe twice. Plan is to start swimming 20 minutes 6 times per week, then add 5 minutes each week until I’m up to 75 minutes each day. For the abs/weights, start at 5 minutes a day, then add 5 minutes each week until I’m at 30 daily minutes. Once I get to about 200 pounds, I’m going to add in a daily walk. Again, start slowly, only 10 minutes per day, then slowly build up to an hour walk. This is a lot of exercise, but I generally enjoy it. It’s good for anxiety, and I hope if I take the build up really slow, it won’t be too painful. Friday will be my exercise rest day (though I will stick to my diet — it’s not a cheat day, those don’t work for me).

The website says this will work. I have a very colorful tracking sheet to keep me on track. I feel like I just have to jump on this slide, follow the directions exactly, and I will emerge at 120. You would think with over a decade of intense dieting experience, I would know it’s not easy. But I’m going to try to keep positive. I guess I just don’t know what I’m going to replace food with. It’s one of the great joys and loves of my life — overeating that is. Being so pleasantly full. Feeling comforted. The bliss of not having to think, just eat. It is SUCH a joy. I was thinking I would write on this blog instead.

A little more about me — I’m a bit shy. So no full pictures of me, I am the last of the GenXers so don’t really get publishing too much about your life (that can be traced to you!) online. So I’m going to try to stay anonymous. But something in me just wanted to share all these feelings — and I can’t really tell my friends things as plain as this — and therapy was a disaster for me — so I’m trying this. I will put up (face cropped out) pictures when I’m maybe closer to 200 pounds. I haven’t seen a picture of myself (or looked in a full mirror) since I got above that amount and worry I would be too freaked out, so no pics until later!

Please wish me luck and if you feel inspired, please pray for me, and for all of us who want to go after what we really really want in this life.

#lose weight #weight loss #dieting

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beardyallen · 6 years

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8 Crazy Nights (Part 1) - Captain Marvel, Work, and Food

Not sure if you all saw, but I tried to write this on Saturday...It did not go well. And now it's two days later, more stuff has happened, and documenting everything seems just a million times more daunting.

Nevertheless, he persisted.

However, I'm learning from my past mistakes and posting this in several pieces. Hopefully this isn't being read out of order.

If memory serves, and my memory is sufficiently muddled after the celebrating yesterday, I left off on Thursday, March 7th. The next day, I spent a goodly portion of my day in my office, cracking away at my random pedigree generator algorithm. Super (duper) exciting stuff, I know.

But R showed up that night to go see Captain Marvel at the nearby mall! And, as is apparently tradition when you visit someone's apartment, she brought me a gift. And what sort of gift do you bring a guy like me, you ask? Authentic German beer, obviously! Oh, and mangos, as I had divulged that I've only ever had dried mangos and mango-flavored things. Sadly, the mangos are still sitting in my fridge because I'm not entirely sure how one is supposed to eat them. *shrug*

The mall itself is quite strange (from my limited perspective), and I don't think I've described it yet. In a standard American mall, the jewelry shops are always on corners; here, the jewelry shop (as well as several other shops) are posted up with no walls in the middle of an open space. And approximately 25% of the shops are bakeries or coffee shops. This place really knows how to entice your sweet tooth! R picked up some mini cheesecakes for the trip the next day!! Super (duper) yummy!!

One of the other interesting aspects of the first floor is the manner in which one would buy shoes (there are like...10 "shops" that sell shoes). Once again, the shops have no walls, so you just kind of wander over to a display, the attendants hover around you to see if they can help (presumably?), and after you've picked your shoe, they give you carbon paper with an order, you walk to a desk 5 shops over to pay, then carry the receipt back and attendant who was helping you wipes off the shoes again and exchanges them for the receipt. I suppose it keeps clutter down and eases the shopping experience if you're trying on shoes from different displays? When I bought shoes a few weeks ago, it was quite an ordeal given that I had no idea what the expectations were and we couldn't really communicate with anything other than hand signals, nods, and shrugs.

The second (of five) floors has the supermarket and a plethora of men's clothing shops, half of which are athletic-themed shops like New Balance, Adidas, or knock-off-Air-Jordan, and the other half are more "high-end" clothing shops. Nothing in between. Oh! And more than 80% of the models in the pictures and spreads on the walls are white. Not sure how effective that is when 95% of your clientele doesn't look like that. *shrug* There _does_ seem to be a strong desire here to appear Western, but still...

The third floor is mostly women's clothing, and the fourth floor is partially empty. But the fifth floor has the cinema and food court. One comment about the phrase "Chinese food"...It's immensely inadequate. I don't know how many different cultural regions there are in China, but there's for sure at least 6 unique cuisines, all tied to a particular region. And when I say 6 _unique_ cuisines, even my uneducated, narrow American perspective (and palette) can distinguish between them. That, to me, is probably the biggest problem with describing a restaurant in the States as serving "Chinese food." But hey, I'm just an ill-informed American, so my opinion probably doesn't carry much weight.

The cinema itself was quite impressive as well. You know how when you walk into a cinema in the States, and you get hit with that theater-popcorn smell? It's buttery and savory and only sometimes kind of stale? Well, that didn't happen here. And not because they don't have popcorn, or that they don't serve as much popcorn...I think it's mostly because, as seems to be the case with everything here, the popcorn isn't of the buttery, salty variety. No, this popcorn is green or pink or caramel covered. Drizzled with chocolate syrup or some other sort of confectionary (is confectionary a real word?).

Oh, and it's not just the popcorn that got a make-over. The nachos here are...borderline unrecognizable. And that's not the say that you wouldn't recognize what was placed in front of you, because I think you would, but you just wouldn't recognize it as "nachos." Instead of warm tortilla chips with a cup of hot, sometimes-mildly-spicy cheese sauce and jalapenos and other nacho toppings, here you get a bowl of...warmed up Doritos. That's it. Just Doritos. That have been sitting under a heat lamp. R ordered them and offered me some. I said thanks-but-no-thanks. It was a strange experience, watching someone happily munch on heated up Doritos.

Captain Marvel was exceptional, though! The classic Marvel opening was modified a bit for this film, and if you've seen the movie, you know what I mean. For sure shed some positive number of happy-sad tears. The actors were all exceptional, and I was thoroughly impressed to see how seamlessly the special effects made it look like Samuel L. Jackson was 25 years younger and had both eyes! Crazy!!! Also seeing Phil Coulson return to the big screen was dope, and I loved the post-credit scenes! The music was perfect, too! I just wish the theater had the volume high enough to trigger the strong emotional reactions I'm used to feeling in Marvel movies.

After the movie, I stopped by the beer shop across the street where I met The One to buy a couple bottles of Founders beer. I swear, I had ever intent of enjoying them on St. Patrick's Day...but one of the two was consumed a couple days later, and the other wasn't opened until I got back from the celebration yesterday...and I don't think I would have really been able to appreciate the KBS in that particular state. So I have that to look forward to when I finish teaching tonight!

The next day was spent traveling with my coworkers to the Great Wall, and this seems like a decent place to pause the narrative.

Actually, we'll skip the Great Wall for a minute, and I'll describe the past week. It wasn't terribly eventful, but there are a few mildly-interesting pics. My work week consisted mostly of prepping my students' first exam, along with a practice exam (which I don't like doing, especially at this level). In fact, on Friday, after I finished writing and testing my random pedigree generator, I spent a good portion of time trying to get the numbers of a particular probability problem to work out.

I totally don't look like a crazy math fanatic at all..

When I wasn't working, I spent much of my time reading or playing video games. There's a Communications grad student here who also plays Super Smash Bros. We intend to maintain the friendship State-side as he has a few gamer friends in Denver who play SSB as well. And who have guessed that Petey Piranha would actually be an entertaining fighter?! Like..he's a glorified potted plant, but his attacks are interesting, effective, and rather distinct (see: he's a potted plant). *shrug*

Several of those nights involved take-out from KFC...which just released a new item. Or at least new to me. You'll note some orange fibrous material on the top, some sort of white cream in the middle, and the base is a waffle. Cuz nothing says "Kentucky Fried" quite like whatever the hell that is...(Not that KFC can even call themselves Kentucky Fried, nor is their chicken even real chicken! Sorry guys, someone's gotta say it!! lol)

The waffle itself is quite sweet, as is the white cream. Not sure the intended flavor of the cream, but my best comparison is the sugary drizzle stuff you put on toaster streudels. Struedels? Strueueudels? Not sure how to spell that, and Googling it would require a smoothly operating VPN which I just don't have the patience to deal with right now. And the orange stuff on top? It's dried crab. Which I knew in advance as I'd had it on the hike to the underground river and caves. All-in-all, it surpassed my expectations, but I don't think I'll get it again...

Oh, and dinner on Friday night consisted of lamb spine. Yup. The spine. Of a lamb. Technically, it was lamb spine hot pot, but let's be real: the stand-out contributor isn't the heat or the pot or the brine. It's the spine.

You can see a bunch of vertebrae just boiling away in there. You still use chopsticks, but one of your hands has a plastic glove. Oh! And you can push your chopstick through the hollow center of the vertebra to get at some of the marrow and what we could only assume was part of the spinal cord. I ate mine, but the only other person who was lucky(?) enough to find one didn't partake.

Other than some rather standard beer, CB ordered us a bottle (half a fifth) of some sort of herbal liquor. E, another instructor, mentioned a commercial for the product which seemed to suggest that this was the perfect gift from a marrying-age girl's new fiance to her father upon their first meeting. "Made for the man!" It was somewhere between a whiskey and an amaretto, but the sweet taste was distinctly floral or herbal or something. It was pretty good! Definitely something you sip to enjoy.

I have one more food experience to share, but it fits better in a different part of the story, so I'll stop here and pick up with The Great Wall in my next post.

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

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foxsoulcourt · 6 years

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Tag game

I was tagged by @fuzzballsheltiepants . Thanks for your patience love! (Never did get the f*%!ing spacing all ironed out)

LAST

drink: Green tea phone call: Grad school mate + former co-worker Katie about her resume + possible next steps text message: My husband saying he just finished his 8 hour drive to Montana song you listened to: Can I get a Witness - Marvin Gaye time you cried: Last night over an intense episode of Madame Secretary (S01 E16/Tamerlane)

EVER

dated someone twice: Yep. Still friends w/them kissed someone and regretted it: No

been cheated on: Nope. But, ummmm, I ended one of my first really serious relationships by making out w/someone else while she was away. I know, that’s a horrible a thing to do. It’s a long story.

lost someone special: You bet gotten drunk and thrown up: No, I HATE throwing up! And a big night out is 2, maybe 3 glasses of wine

fave colours? Lime green, teal, turquoise, deep purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE I?

made new friends: Yes, including a few dear ones here in this Tumblr world

fallen out of love: With ideas + patterns of behaviour; very few people

laughed until you cried: Frequently; more customary is my Laugh + Clap™

found out someone was talking about you: Ugh, yes. At previous job

met someone who changed you: Several

found out who your friends are: Yes, in several lovely ways

kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: On the cheek, yes

GENERAL

how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Been off FB for 6+ mos, but if I logged back on...hmmmm...3/4? do you have any pets: None in the house right now; there’s a humingbird who hangs around when I’m outside. Yes, it’s the same one. do you want to change your name: No, I love it what did you do for your last birthday: Oh, this year was a fun one! Both daughters were home from far away. Dinner out the night before where I def laughed until I cried! Woke up really early that day to find a most wonderful fanfic surprise: FOUR, count them FOUR (!!!!) chapters of @spanglebangle ‘s Doe & Josten: Deductionists . They were particularly enjoyable because that’s where this beautiful sloooow burn started to heat up for real. Finished the chapters in between hanging out w/daughter H, cosplaying Delirium w/a crew at ECCC. Oh yeah, AND I had my pic taken w/Andrew + Neil at that same con! What a day. what time did you wake up today: 7:30 am what were you doing last night at midnight: Turning on the dishwasher before I went to sleep what is something you can’t wait for: Figure out what exactly I will negotiate people to pay me for in my next professional step. (OK, I CAN wait, but/and I’m low key excited about it.) what are you listening to right now: All Blues radio show have you ever talked to a person named Tom: All the time; he’s one of my besties; infrequently with the bro-in-law version (He’s kinda mean) something that gets on your nerves: Fast, agressive drivers, particularly male most visited website: Tumblr, AO3 hair colour: Is it brown? Dark blond? long or short hair: Short-ish + textured; I guess it’s a 21st century shag what do you like about yourself: I am unbound by age + enjoy making connections from wee ones to elders

want any piercings: Nope, I’m content

blood type: I don’t remember. I KNOW I should know, but all I know is it’s not unusual

nicknames: Ms de Milo relationship status: Married zodiac sign: Pisces, Leo rising pronouns: She/her fave tv show: Madame Secretary. Cannot get enough of that salty, open-hearted, badass boss lady + her family + staff tattoos: two - tiny constellation of three HP stars + a small stalk of forget-me-not flowers right or left handed: right-handed ever had surgery: Yes, each related to bringing children into the world + the after effects piercings: Ears + left nostril sports: Sports? No. Activities? Yes! Yoga, walking, bike riding, swimming, hiking vacation: We’re in the ‘visit kids at college + older parents’ phase in life, so trips more than vacations. However, there’s a glimmering possibility of London for spring 2019. trainers: New Balance eating: Right this minute yogurt + nuts + one of the last tasty in-season peaches drinking: still water i’m about to watch: Drama Actresses Roundtable The Hollywood Reporter + finish up season 1 of (all together now) Madame Secretary waiting for: A thoughtful, productive next step in the US Supreme Court Justice nomination process want: finish retooling + living out my definition of success at this point in my life

get married: already decades into that adventure; now refining the experience for the next chapter career: I help people + the organisations they are in effectively navigate change. It’s kind of like organisational therapy to be honest. hugs or kisses: It depends on who; cheek/cheek kiss + hugs w/family + close friends lips or eyes: Eyes shorter or taller: Taller older or younger: Depends nice arms or stomach: Yes hookup or relationship: Relationship; my brain + body shut down at the mere idea of a hookup troublemaker or hesitant: Yes. My modus operandi is watch first + then either ask the question no one else wants to ask or make an observation which stirs the pot. (It’s part of my professional tool kit)

HAVE I EVER?

kissed a stranger: Not so much drank hard liquor: Yes lost glasses: No turned someone down: Yes sex on the first date: Nope, not even close broken someone’s heart: Yes had your heart broken: Yes, in both love + work been arrested: No cried when someone died: Yes fallen for a friend: Yes

DO I BELIVE IN?

yourself: In many ways, most of the time; a little dodgy right now in the professional capacity miracles: Absolutely. Well, not those goopy fantastical ones. More along the lines of everyday small wonders, y’know like that quote attributed to Einstein, “There are only two ways to live your your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

love at first sight: Not really, although I think if your intuition is finely tuned you know pretty quickly whether it’s going to work out or not. kiss on the first date: Depends on the person + the date angels: Less in the Hallmark movie sense, more in ancestors watching out for us sense.

OTHER

best friend’s name: Four because no one person should ever have to shoulder that much responsibility - Bill (husband), Libby (since childhood), Tom + Rob (met in adulthood) eye colour: Some kind of greenish-hazel business fave movie: The most current one which sparks social commentary. Right now: RBG; looking forward to Captain Marvel. favourite actor: If I absolutely have to choose one, then Frances McDormand favourite food: Artichokes

extrovert or introvert: Gregarious introvert. When I need to facilitate groups I’m on; the rest of the time solitude or similar please favourite flower: Forget-me-nots, zinnias, lavender favourite hello kitty character? No idea

Tagging @higgins5 @i-h8-u-no-u-dont + @andreaminyard because they tagged me on similar thingies a reallllly long time ago + @sig66 because I want to get to know you better.

#personal #long #tag game #get to know your mutuals #thanks for asking

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daggerzine · 6 years

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The Vulgar Boatmen interview- Dale Lawrence talks shop.

I had been thinking about sending some questions Dale Lawrence’s way ever since I’d heard the 2015 reissue of the band’s 1989 debut, You and Your Sister (reissued on Time Change Records out of Indianapolis). The band had formed in the late 80’s by two friends (well, sort of....see below) , Lawrence (who was based in Indiana ) and Robert Ray (who was based in Florida). Back then they did it the old fashioned way, by mailing cassettes back and forth (the only way) and that seemed to work just fine. It had been years since I’d heard that debut and the reissue reminded me of how great (and underappreciated) the band was. You’ll hear elements of The Feelies (those jangly guitars and even in the rhythms, too) but also other classic bands like the Velvet Underground and even the Everly Brothers on certain cuts. Their sophomore effort, 1992’s Please Panic was just as good (maybe better) and I never heard 1995’s Opposite Sex (I hope to change that very soon…both recently reissued, see below) and then the band broke up. If you’ve never heard the band’s music and have read this far then by all means do check them out, you won’t be sorry as their songs are truly excellent. Pop music with hooks and plenty of smarts. A month or so ago I sent some questions to Dale and he was more than happy to elaborate on my queries. Read on and when you have some time play “Drive Somewhere” at top volume today!

Robert and Dale, the early years.

Where were you born/where did you grow up?

I was born in Valparaiso, Indiana, and grew up one county over, on a farm outside a town called Hanna, an hour or so from Chicago.

Was your family musical or at least supportive of your musical pursuits?

Neither of my parents were especially musically inclined but I did grow up surrounded (and fascinated) by records. And my parents at least never tried to discourage my musical ambitions.

What was your first band you ever saw live?

I was very lucky -- Neil Young, the 1973 Stray Gators tour (which resulted in Time Fades Away).

What was your initial entry into the world of independent/punk/other music? (I know you were in The Gizmos…..that might need to be a whole other interview!!).

My rock ‘n’ roll life began when I was nine years old and suddenly noticed Top 40 radio on the bus ride home from school: WLS, out of Chicago, 1965, a very good year for radio. (Again, lucky.) By 1976/77, I was in college and listening to the usual suspects, Modern Lovers, Television, Ramones. But hearing the Sex Pistols in the fall of ’77 was really the big corner. It hit me like nothing else before or since, made the world seem like a wholly different place. The sound of those records, the sound of Johnny Rotten’s voice, sounded exactly how frustrating it felt to be alive just then. And it made me want to be in a band, an old ambition I’d largely abandoned as a pipedream. Within weeks, I'd answer an ad and join the Ted Neimeic Gizmos on rhythm guitar.

Ready to rock.

What were the beginnings of the Vulgar Boatmen?

The Boatmen actually began in Gainesville, Florida, a couple years before either Robert or I were involved. At that time it was a very different band, different aesthetic, different set of musicians (oddly enough, a situation pretty similar to the two different versions of Gizmos). Robert was friends with some of the band members and eventually joined, initially as rhythm guitarist. When the main songwriter, Walter Salas-Humara, left to form the Silos in New York, the Boatmen needed new material and started doing some of the songs I’d written in the Gizmos. Robert changed some lyrics, added a bridge or two – these were our first “collaborations.” I was in Indianapolis at that time, leading a band called Right to Left. It was then that Robert and I started collaborating in earnest, sending song ideas back and forth thru the mail.

Where did the band name come from?

The name was already in place when Robert and I got involved. It’s basically a third-graders pun on “The Volga Boatman,” a beginners piano piece. To the extent it doesn’t sound like we’re taking ourselves too seriously, I always liked the name. But we probably would have been smart to try to come up with something more fitting.

Were you and Robert always based in separate states or was there ever a time that you lived near each other?

There were a couple years when we both lived in Bloomington, while he was a grad student and I was an undergrad at Indiana University. We met, weirdly enough, in a class on song lyrics. Robert was the AI and when he mentioned in class that he’d seen Elvis perform in Memphis, pre-RCA, I immediately scheduled office hours with him and we’ve been great friends ever since. Neither of us were in bands at that time, though I'd be in the Gizmos within a few months. We didn’t start writing together until years later.

What do you remember most about working on the songs that would become You and Your Sister?

In terms of writing the songs, I remember consciously trying to use as few chords as possible (a lot fewer than I'd typically employed in Gizmos songs) -- and in particular, concentrating on the I and IV chords, a movement I could hear at the heart of so much music I loved, from the Soul Stirrers to "Road Runner." Also, I remember that having a fulltime songwriting partner was a distinct luxury: two sets of ears to hear rhythmic settings, better odds of finding the right lyrics.

Recording-wise, the album was done at Robert’s house, on an 8-track machine, so I remember hanging out there in Gainesville for weeks at a time. The relaxed schedule that arrangement afforded us might in hindsight be the most important element in the recording process. We could afford not to rush anything. If a vocal or a tempo or a guitar sound wasn’t quite there, we knew we had plenty of time to get it right. I especially remember obsessing over snare-drum sounds. One we were especially happy with was on “Mary Jane” – except that when we tried recording a lead vocal, we discovered that most of what we liked about the snare sound was actually on the scratch vocal track. So that scratch vocal ended up being the actual vocal.

The classic album!

Did you tour much for the record? Ever make it overseas?

We did tour quite a bit for that album, several swings through the south and the east coast, once to the west coast. We did not make it overseas until the second and third albums, when we played Germany, Austria, and England.

At the time of You and Your Sister were you working regular jobs?

I was working for a local record store, traveling on weekends to collectors conventions, hawking bootleg videos – already a bit like touring. Robert had a full-fledged career, teaching at the University of Florida.

Was it basically the same lineup for 1992’s Please Panic?

Well, yes and no. Both albums were recorded by a combination of musicians from both the Gainesville and Indianapolis lineups. (So, for example, there are four different drummers on Sister.) The Indiana musicians used on the second album are mostly different than the ones who had contributed on the first, the Florida musicians were pretty much the same. One difference on the second album is that we had access to studio pro J.D. Foster, who is the main bass player on Please Panic.

The other classic album!

How did the band end…..or did it not? The end for us came, as for many indie bands, when we signed with a major, Warners/EastWest, out of London. We finally had a bit of a budget to make a record and, at first, major promotional assistance. But a shakeup at Elektra resulted in Opposite Sex never seeing a US release, which was pretty much the end of the road. Our pending booking deal with Monterey Peninsula fell through and we were dropped almost immediately by the UK label as well. The band has never officially broken up, but it has become very much a part-time thing. The Indianapolis outfit plays out a handful of times every year.

I noticed that you still play live these days. Is it under your own name or the Vulgar Boatmen?

The Vulgar Boatmen.

What are your top 10 desert island discs? Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Louis Armstrong.

Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols.

The Complete Buddy Holly.

A Hard Day’s Night (or any of their first five albums), the Beatles.

Stranded (or Siren or Country Life), Roxy Music.

Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Rodgers and Hart Songbook.

The Sun Sessions, Elvis Presley.

Call Me, Al Green.

Astral Weeks, Van Morrison.

Bo Diddley (or The Duke at Fargo or The Definitive Otis Redding or...).

Some of your current favorite bands/musicians?

I listen to way more older music than current stuff, always finding records I hadn't known about before. Right now, I’m listening a lot to Jimmy Reed. Thelonious Monk has been a constant on my stereo in recent years. Two current bands I love are Terakaft and Sufjan Stevens.

A recent pic of the band.

Final words? Closing comments? Anything you want to add that I didn’t ask?

I guess I can plug some rereleases that are about to happen. The first three Boatmen albums are being reissued on vinyl, by Play Loud! Records, out of Berlin. As with the Sister CD, Please Panic has been completely remastered. It will be the first time that Opposite Sex has ever been out on vinyl.

Thanks so much for doing this!

Relevant links below!

www.facebook.com/airportdecisionsinc/

www.timechangerecords.com

www.playloud.org

Their 1995 album.

youtube

Such a classic!

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soliaswagg · 6 years

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Lots of feelings.

it’s been eight years since I’ve heard from this guy (who lives in Hawaii). For whatever reason we lost touch and it never really ended well for my emotions. so I’m on Grindr and I message this torso profile. I send him a face pic (bc I have shades on in my pic) and he messages back with “wait, Jonah?”. Turns out it’s him. all of a sudden my heart drops and a bunch of old feelings come rushing back to my brain. a lot of the detachment I have with dating stems from this “almost never counts” relationship. Anyway, he’s here for graduations and grad parties. We ended up hanging out in Seattle after i got off work yesterday. He hasn’t really changed personality wise which I always thought was one of his better attributes. Surprisingly, I had a great time just hanging out with no intentions. I went into it not guarded but being open minded and not getting my hopes up. That lasted until this morning and now my old self is scrutinizing every part of our night. And I’m going crazy. Every word, every detail, his body language. I hate that I have feelings for someone. I also hate who i become when I have feelings for them. I reallly don’t want to get my hopes up but at the same time I feel like I deserve to give it another chance. We’re hanging out tomorrow so I guess we’ll see what happens? Lol I’m a mess.

#personal #gay dating #samoans #gay samoans

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dxmedstudent · 7 years

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my friend is moving away for med school next week and like you it's a second degree for her and I wanted to get her a gift but one that would also be practical maybe for her new course/the move??? I know it's expensive doing a 5yr course as a grad and she doesn't exactly have the luxury of money. do you have any ideas? is there anything you would've particularly valued back when you started med school?

Aww, that’s a lovely gesture for your friend! I have to say, they are lucky to have you :D Hmm, to be fair, when you move out and rotate around hospitals, there will be plenty of things that you’ll need or use over the course of your medical degree. So there are potentially lots of things that you might get. But obviously don’t buy them all, you’re their friend not their millionaire patron, please don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of money to give them something meaningful. Here’s my list of things that might be useful or nice, but I’m going to ask the rest of medblr to offer their own suggestions, too. I actually remember someone wrote really cool list of things you can potentially give a medical friend, but I can’t remember who wrote it, and can’t find the post. So I’ll try my best to offer my own list. I’m going to sort them roughy from cheaper to more expensive, because only you know how much you can afford to spend.

Stationery. This doesn’t need to be fancy, or branded. Your friend will go through a lot of stationery through their academic career, so it’ll never be a bad choice. Personally, I’d prefer to give a gift that is a little more permanent. People go through a lot of notebooks and pens, and whilst that makes them a certainty in the usefulness stakes, it also means they won’t be using it for very long.

A nice diary to keep a track of their classes/assignments with. A lot of people use their pones, but I’ve always liked physically writing stuff down. They’ll use it for a year (or however long the diary lasts until), if they like that sort of thing.

Similarly, calendars. Pick their favourite animal, or artist, or celebrity crush. Or get one of those online companies to make a calendar with pics of you both in it. Whatever you think will make them smile when they turn the page and have to write ‘exam’.

A pretty lanyard. We wear ID cards around our necks, so our lanyards are worn every day for a long time. I got all my friends funky lanyards when we graduated med school, and it proved well-received, if their selifes are anything to go by!

A cool water/tea/coffee flask. We all need to drink more water. This way your friend hopefully stays hydrated and thinks of you simultaneously! Which is not meant to sound as weird as it looks, now that I’ve typed it out. Oh well…

Mugs. You will never not need them. I personally have far, far too many mugs, but most people don’t. It’s not an essential item, but like many things, it makes life in a new place less grim. And they are versatile. I use them of drinking out of and storing stationery in. Just not both at the same time…

A potted plant. Sure, it’s got zero real life use (and it’s not really essential) but it’s really heartening to have something in your room which isn’t work. I like succulents and cacti because they are relatively hard to kill. But think about how your friend will be moving around; it’s easy if they have a car, but if you know it’ll already be a struggle to move, then a fragile plant is not the best idea. My family now dread whenever I have to cart my once tiny cactus around; it’s now about 20cm long and inevitably pokes someone whenever I take it in the car!

Photos of you together. Again, absolutey no medical use here. (I swear I’m a practical person! really!) But honestly, there’s nothing more depressing than a bare dormitory or hospital accommodation room. Whenever I move anywhere, I put up photos of my friends and family, and artworks I love. It makes any room feel more like home. Anything which will make their room feel like home will be something they love and remember you fondly with.

Pop science medical books. Think Oliver Sacks, Atul Gawande, etc. For this, you’ll need to hit any one of the posts about medical literature, and think about the kind of book that your friend might love, if you have a knack for guessing that kind of thing. If your friend loves to read, it can be a lovely gift that reminds them of you; I always remember who gave me a book, and what was going on in my life when I read it. So it can be pretty meaningful. I’m not sure if I’d give one as a moving in present, because they aren’t strictly essential reading. But they can make you a more well-rounded, humane doctor, and I think that’s never a bad thing.

A nice blanket. Because again, it makes any room less grim, and more homely. And there’s nothing worse than being cold because your subpar accommodation doesn’t believe in central heating. I personally have no cold tolerance, so I’ve had to resort to wearing a hoodie and scarf in bed, and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.I mean, who does that?

A small saucepan and/or a small frying pan. Student or hospital accommodations really vary in what they provide, and any equipment present tends to be from the stone age; there are few things grimmer than having to scrub some prehistoric frying pan when you are really hungry, because it’s the only thing in your flat that you can use to cook with. It depends on what your friend likes; a practical friend might be touched by a gift of kitchenware, a less practical friend might think it odd.

A clipboard folder, or folding clipboard, so they can store their notes in. There are quite a few different types out there, ranging in price considerably. I used this much more as a junior doctor than med student, but I remember the US med students I met in the UK had cool folding metal mini clipboards that they used a lot, much to my envy.

Comfortable shoes. Not always expensive, and not always ugly. There are usually lots of threads online by nurses and doctors (usually nurses, because they are the more sensible of the two of us, if we are honest!) discussing comfy shoes. This works best if you know your friend’s sense of style really well. It’s not a permanent gift, because shoes wear out, but if you open their eyes to comfortable footwear, it will not be forgotten.

Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine. I almost hesitate to put books in the list, because they are expensive and I don’t want aonyone to feel they have to spend a lot of money. But this is a classic, so if it’s something in your price range, then it’s a good choice. If your friend owns one medical book, odds are this is the one to get. It’s pocket sized, packed with just about everything you need to know (including emergency and procedure stuff) and easy to navigate. I have quite a few of the OH series, and as a doc on call I prefer the acute medicine edition, but this one was a gift from my sister and saw a lot of use when I was a student and remains a firm favourite.

Any other suggestions? What would you give a friend starting med school? What did you wish you had? Anything you feel was essential to getting through those first years?

#askdx #ask dx #ukmedschoolfaq

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d3ndroica · 7 years

Text

Big Apple 3

Part 1 Part 2 (1 + 2 were a slooow start on this one I know ...)

Madge woke to the voices of her neighbors carrying through the apartment wall. Her head hurt. She needed to pee and she was dehydrated. She cracked her eyes open and immediately regretted it. The sunlight through the window seemed obscenely bright. Too much margarita.

She should’ve taken a water bottle last night. Instead she had limited herself to what fit in the tiny cute purse, which was by far the best accessory for the club-worthy dress. The bar had been so crowded she hadn’t gotten enough water. She scrunched her eyes closed and pulled the blanket over her head.

She’d had some water though. She remembered Thom’s friend Gale handing her a glass. Unless he’d roofied it! she thought. Suddenly she was wide awake. But no, that didn’t make sense. He was gay. And she was alone, in her own bed, wearing normal pajamas and not feeling at all abused - except for the hangover. Grumpy, she peered out from the blanket enough to grab her phone from next to the bed. Luckily she’d remembered to plug it in.

Shit. It was after noon already. She blearily stared at her phone until she could make sense of the icons on the screen.

Her feeds showed a bunch of pictures from the night before, thanks mostly to Thom. She had a couple new friend requests and a few requests accepted. In the accepted category were Rue Jones, Beetee Mortara, and Venia Curlew. In the friend request category were Cashmere Coulson and Gale Hawthorne. Madge didn’t really remember much about Cashmere, but she was “friends” with Thom, Venia, and Beetee. The only mutual “friend” with Gale was Thom. No surprise there. But she wasn’t sure that Thom befriending his exes transferred to her.

She looked at his public pics. She remembered him being around a lot the night before. She thought back and recalled lots of chatting and laughing with Thom’s friends, including Gale, but was that really reason enough to friend him? She decided to wait until later to deal with the friend requests. She scrolled mindlessly through her news feed for a bit before she switched apps to check her texts.

There were two new notifications: one from Thom and one from an unknown number. Weird. She opened Thom’s first. Just the usual back and forth about making it home safely and some vague messages from him about the night before. At the moment, she really didn’t care. Then she opened the other. 212-867-5309 2:28am thanks for a fun nite did you get home OK? 212-867-5309 2:42am Thom says you texted him so I guess you’re off the hook. Goodnight princess 212-867-5309 11:02am um this is Gale btw Madge stared. Princess? Oh shit. What had she told him? Or had Thom? Almost automatically Madge went about changing the name of the contact to his name instead of the number. But she was distracted thinking about him calling her princess. Thom knew about her 3 misguided years of princess pageant competitions and the state “Little Miss Princess” crown she’d won when she was nine, before the cancer changed things. Thom had heard far more than anyone should have to after her mom’s relapse. But that was years ago, and even though she knew it amused him, she didn’t think he’d have brought it up. Plus, she’d been surrounded by beautiful people in the entertainment industry last night. Pageant stories would have gone over much better than cancer lab stories.

Madge closed her eyes and it came back to her. Someone - it was Cashmere, Madge thought - had been talking about stage moms. And Madge had a few stories about stage moms. So she had divulged that little history. It was not exactly her deepest darkest secret but it wasn’t exactly the first impression she wanted to make on these new people either. But now she remembered. Gale had been there, he’d called her princess then too. An image of him from the night before crystallized in her mind, his face bright with laughter, magnetic eyes that took her breath away. Shit, she blushed just to remember.

Maybe if she was lucky, they would all have collective amnesia about last night. Or she’d just never talk to him again. Or anyone else who’d been in earshot. Shit.

She put down the phone and decided to finally roll her butt out of bed. After getting cleaned up and eating some cereal, she shlepped a bag of laundry down to the laundry room only to find that of course, all the machines were taken. There was a guy in one of the chairs reading a book, and a basket of filthy looking laundry next to him, so Madge just gave up and went back upstairs. She lazed around for the afternoon and managed to claim an empty laundry machine after dinner. She settled down with her current book - Lab Girl, a book her dad had sent with her. He’d probably picked it based on the title. She’d just rotated the first load and started the second when her phone pinged. Thom 9:40pm What’s happening Madge 9:41pm Laundry Thom 9:42pm Laundromat? Madge 9:42pm In bldg basement Thom 9:44pm Nice! That’s better at least Madge 9:45pm Last night was fun. I’m glad you talked me into it. How r u? Thom 9:45pm <link> It linked to a YouTube clip of Kevin Sorbo, in Hercules, screaming “disappointed!” Madge laughed at the virally-misinterpreted homage to Kevin Kline. If you chose to believe Sorbo’s version of events, which Madge did.

Madge 9:46pm Teehee Feeling misunderstood? Thom 9:48 pm my lot in life. But woman, the thing about today is that we both went home alone last night and now it’s a miserable day and I had to wake up to the vocal stylings of Annie and Finn going at it next door. Again. And I wouldn’t have even gotten out of bed but I had a stupid matinee which I hate.

Madge 9:48pm Sorry :-/ So how’d it go? Did you get any sleep last night? Thom 9:49pm I got some and I’m home now so crashing soon. You’re totally missing the point I don’t need sleep a need a fuck I’m such a mess listen to me blathering What did you think of Gale you two talked a lot Madge 9:50pm Yeah he seemed nice Thom 9:51pm He’s hot right Madge 9:53pm Totally hot, last night was like a beautiful person parade I can’t believe you let me tell stage mom stories Thom 9:55pm You know I love those stories They’re really not as embarrassing as you think Madge 9:56pm Maybe in your world I have enough trouble as it is fighting pretty blonde girl syndrome at work Thom 9:56pm Lucky for you it was my world last night then RIGHT? Screw them. Leave that work shit at work You do you

Madge 9:57pm Yeah yeah So ... What about that Cinna guy he seemed into you Thom 9:59pm I thought so but I dunno I need to stop worry about everything so much RIGHT Did I tell you I have 2 casting calls this week my anxiety is through the roof

Madge 10:02pm You told me but I forgot. What are they for again?

Thom 10:07pm Commercials. It’s stupid but the money is insane. If you can sell.

Madge 10:09pm Totally. I hoep they go well. If you need any help learning crazy drug names you know where to go ;-)

Thom 10:10pm Haha, that would be awesome. Watch out you might get wrangled into running lines with me again

Madge 10:12pm That was so much fun you know I’d do it again in the heartbeat. Especially if we can stay up late and eat ice cream. :)

Thom 10:14pm I’m so glad you moved here Maddie, we’re gonna have so much fun

Madge 10:15pm So much :)

Monday came and Madge went back to her weekday routine. She had finished all the paperwork and trainings at the research center, and she was finally being assigned an experiment. She wouldn’t lead it herself, as new as she was, but she was excited to finally get back in a lab, working with a couple of phd researchers who had developed the protocols. She still had at least a week or two of practicing the new methods before she began actual experiments, but it still felt like progress. She also heard from her friend Delly who wanted to know all about her exciting life in NYC - an idea the pictures from Saturday only seemed to confirm. She grilled Madge on all the people she’d met and things she’d done and claimed she had to live vicariously through Madge because grad school was so hard. Madge encouraged Delly to come for a weekend sometime.

Thursday night she joined some women from the lab at a happy hour. They went to a basement bar close to the research center, and drank cocktails that the others called “cheap” which apparently they applied to anything under ten dollars. On the upside, the coworkers were pretty friendly and she heard about lots of different subcultures in the city. One told her about contra dancing. Another was into board games … she’d even been to a board game convention the year before. One was a runner, was training for a marathon, and loved trivia nights. It was fun, learning a bit about them. By the time she said goodbye, it was almost 8 o’clock. She looked at her phone to confirm how to get to the subway, and saw a new text notification. Once Madge was on her train heading home, she opened up her phone again and replied.

Gale 6:48pm hi

Madge 8:01pm Hi How are you? Gale 8:04pm alright you? Madge 8:05pm Ok Gale 8:07pm going out this wkend? Madge 8:09pm IDK maybe OMW home from happy hour

Gale 8:10pm you should use a safety text Madge 8:15pm What’s that? Gale 8:18pm pick a string of emojis that means you’re home safe. Then you always send it after a night out. Then we know you’re really safe and it’s not some psycho who kidnapped you or stole your phone or something Madge 8:22pm Ohhkay

Madge 8:24pm How worried should I be about these psychos? Gale 8:24pm lol don’t worry too much. But you should delete that conversation just to be safe. 😉 Madge 8:25pm So do you have safety emojis? Gale 8:29pm of course Madge 8:34pm And? What are they? Gale 8:41pm um no comment Madge 8:44pm Come on! How will I know you’re home safe and not kidnapped by psychos :P (home btw)

Gale 8:47pm well don’t judge me but it’s🖕⛄️🐸

Madge 8:48pm Lol Nice one. Is there a story behind that? Gale 8:50pm it seemed good at the time what about you? Madge 8:56pm I’m looking … TBH I am not that big an emoji user I can’t really believe the options now that I’m looking. Maybe I should use 🙈🙊 Gale 8:56pm lol that’s terrible

Madge 9:07pm ok 👣🍿🎵

Gale 9:09pm 👍

#gadge #my fanfic #gadge fanfic #nyc-verse #kids these days all they do is text

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pet-diary · 7 years

Text

It’s weird when I’m really behind on photo posts (as in my photos are backlogged from a month ago right now) because all the stuff I’m currently doing and into is just sorta hanging out waiting for me to talk about it, lol, but then by the time I catch up to posts I’ve already moved on to another hobby or interest. I’m trying to post these mori journals every day but I forget a lot of days (or fall asleep before getting them done)...

Well, for the record... I am currently obsessing over Unsolved Murders the podcast, listening to it literally in the background of every menial task. It’s dredging up a bunch of other interests of mine (hence the Henry Darger posts the other day) related to art I’ve wanted to make and stories I’ve half written and interests I’ve passively pursued. It also sparked some ideas about my career and what direction I want to go with it. Which is exciting! (But I’m wary that it’s just my current interests taking over all my thoughts and not necessarily realistic, I guess we’ll see).

Hm, what else is going on? I made a planner, which I talked about a lot for a bit but then stopped because I was done, lol. But of course I’ve hardly posted pics of it since I’m so behind on photos. I always get really interested in planning and organizing and rethinking my life around the end of the year. I’ve been coming up with ideas for New Years Resolutions that I’m excited about, related to art and learning and finishing projects that I start. I’m pretty ready for Christmas to just be over so I can get into that mindset. But I also am really trying to relish this free time I have because grad school is looming... Hm.. I guess overall there’s a lot of new thoughts, some good and exciting and some bad and scary. But overall I feel hopeful, I just need to get serious about some of it and be careful not to let time get away from me.

Right now I’m waiting on Trev to get home from work. Yep, it’s 9:15pm and he’s still at work. Things have been kicking back up for him and his job is a nightmare again right now. I’m trying to keep him grounded and feeling as little stress as possible, but it’s sucked. He never has time to relax, and he doesn’t get enough sleep or rest. I imagine it will be like this until the new year because all of these people want to close their deals by the end of the year. I can’t wait until he has a different job... :/ Anyway, enough about that... We’re probably going to move to another apartment in the spring too, so I’ve been looking for places here and there in my free time. So that’s exciting, if not a little terrifying!

There’s a recap of my dull life currently. :) I’ve been itching to redesign my blog layout, lol. I don’t know why I find that so relaxing...

#personal #written #written blog

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ontheperiphery · 7 years

Text

ticket to ride

kim taehyung x reader, college!au fluff word count: 1.8k

you’re not sure what compelled you to offer a favor to someone you barely knew

Aimlessly scrolling through social media to kill time waiting for your friend, you’re dismayed to find that you showed up at the shopping plaza so early that you had scrolled through almost all your media feed, twitter, tumblr, instagram, snapchat. You frown slightly at refreshing your more face-paced feeds like twitter, but finding little more content to consume, you reluctantly resign yourself to tapping open your last resort: facebook. Communicating with college acquaintances was important, you supposed, but just fresh out of finals, you wanted to enjoy at least a bit of your summer break without considering how everyone you knew seemed to be more successful at finding meaningful summer jobs or internships than you.

At least that’s what you told yourself but here you were scrolling through the frustrating app anyway. Like a fool.

So you sat at a shaded bench and texted your friend where to meet and scrolled past videos recommended to you via algorithm, events you may or may not be interested in attending, grad pics you at least paused on to reply with your congratulations, and hm. Taking a minute to read a little closer-

“Hey! Y/n, what’s up?”

“Oh,” you look up with surprise to greet your friend, “hey Namjoon, not much.” You ask if he wants to grab some food before shopping and conversation picks up from there. It’s not until you both are both nearly finished with your meals that you absently sip at your iced tea and ask, “Would it be weird to offer a ride to someone who needs one? If you don’t know them that well?”

“No?” Namjoon answers while snatching a fry from your tray, “you’re doing them a favor so if anything they’ll be thankful to you.”

You huff in response because that wasn’t the kind of answer you were looking for and though you shoot Namjoon an unamused glare, you wait another moment before responding in hopes that he actually had more to say.

Chewing thoughtfully he nods, “well I guess…since it’s you though, it’ll be ride of awkward or no conversation.” Namjoon pauses again, making eye contact with your still present glare.

You snort at his words.

He then hums in affirmation, “see? You’re not really one to keep a conversation going. Anyway, did someone ask you to take them somewhere?”

“I guess” you concede, “I’m not the best conversation buddy” Your eyes narrow as you swat at Namjoon’s hand attempting to sneak another one of your fries. “But I dunno. Earlier I saw someone who needs a ride to the train station and it kind of works for me because I’ll already be in the area that day and it’s on the way home…” Letting your words trail off you take another sip of your drink only to receive the discordant sound of exaggerated sipping and no more tea.

“And you just wanted to be nice?” Namjoon fills in oh so helpfully.

“Yeah.”

“Then I don’t see a problem,” Namjoon shrugs, “even if you suck at making small talk make them sit in the backseat and listen to music or something. Or maybe they’ll be talkative enough to make up for it.”

Your eyebrows still scrunch together with doubt and Namjoon takes the opportunity to swipe another french fry, although he accidentally topples your drink cup in the process. The empty clatter immediately snaps you out from your distracted consideration of Namjoons advice.

“Thanks for the input,” you mutter dryly with a fixed glare.

Namjoon only smiles sheepishly in response.

Flopping on to your bed with a huff, just about ready to fall asleep, you pull out your phone to set an alarm for the next day. You had errands to run in the morning, and thanks to Namjoon’s prompting, you sent a message offering a ride to, it turned out, a good friend of his. According to Namjoon, the kid was friendly and you had nothing to worry about, but if sound logic and good advice was enough to assuage your doubts, you probably wouldn’t still be lying wide awake contemplating the problems of tomorrow.

Eventually you fall asleep to the soft hum of your nerves calming in the silence and solitude of your room.

The next day arrives and brings a consistent stream of stress in the form of almost-mishaps. From snoozing your alarm one too many times and running out to drive to your volunteer shift without grabbing more than a granola bar, realizing you forgot your drivers license and making a detour back home to grab it on the off chance you’d need it, arriving late to deliver some stuff you were selling to make moving out easier for one of your roommates and finding that the buyer was even more late than you, nothing truly went wrong but your day was chaotic enough to have you exhausted and ready to nap for a week to make up for it.

But you didn’t have that kind of time and settled for a quick lunch as poor compensation.

Your phone lit up with a message from the person you barely knew but offered to drive to the train station. It had been a while, but you two had shared a class a few academic quarters ago and sometimes passed by each other at general body meetings or events for a mutual org. Although you don’t remember ever having a one-on-one conversation or spending time together without other mutual friends present, you resign yourself to a first for everything. Fingers metaphorically crossed as you pulled up to the agreed meeting place with your to-be-passenger, you rolled down to window and waved to the waiting figure nearby, hoping you would be recognizable.

“Oh! Hey, Y/n,” he smiled, excitement clear as the brightness in his expression, “was just about to message and make sure it was you.”

Chuckling sheepishly in response, “hey Taehyung. Yeah, I’m kind of glad you were able to notice me. Do you want your stuff in the backseat or in the trunk?” You gesture to his luggage and carry-on and briefly wonder if courtesy required you to step out of your car to greet him and help him with his stuff. But then he’s already wheeling his bags towards the trunk of your car as you push the button to open it accommodatingly to watch helplessly in the rear view mirror and hope with all of your being that you weren’t being rude.

Thankfully you remembered to also unlock the car doors and Taehyung hops into the passenger seat beside you without trouble and offers an iced tea with boba. You blink, pleasantly surprised as he gives another bright grin that somehow lights up the space around him even as the corner of his lips aren’t upturned in the way you’re used to smiles doing. And yet, his smile was incredibly endearing and happiness is contagious and the boy teases a thank you and a grateful smile from you before you even realize it.

Given that you had driven friends and roommates to the train station before and didn’t need directions, you were able to drive comfortably and popped in the straw to your drink, delighted that he chose a flavor that you enjoyed.

Taehyung only shrugs off your attempt and another thanks, upholding that, “hey, you’re actually being a big help to me, you deserve it. It’s for you.”

“Hmm I guess. Thanks, still,” you reply with a small huff and a smile.

You’re not sure if Taehyung thinks you still need convincing, but he has some way of filling up space. In conversation, in the car, from talking about his thankfulness that you were willing to brave the traffic that was inevitable from people driving home from their jobs during this time of day, how lucky he felt from not needing to call an uber or lyft which surely would’ve cost him a pretty penny in this traffic, to firmly insisting that he treat you out to a meal or something when he was back in town. He didn’t mind if you had to brake less than smoothly if other vehicles on the road drove more recklessly than you, easily continued conversation from your shorter responses, and just, had some way of making and filling space.

The both of you were animatedly talking about your pet dogs back home, sharing fond and nostalgic memories and before you realized and could transition the conversation to proper thanks and appreciation of Taehyung’s company, you had arrived at the train station and just a few seconds away from arriving at the pick-up/drop-off curb.

Facing you, Taehyung had yet to notice, “Ahhh, it’s been so long since I’ve seen Soonshim y-”

“Hey uhh,” you interrupted a little less than gracefully, softened with a smile, “I’m really sorry but we’re here.” You felt awful for cutting him off, but hoped your unease didn’t make its way into your expression.

“Oh…listen, Y/n, it was really nice of you to drive me!” Taehyung replies without missing a beat, “have a good summer break I really hope you don’t have to deal with a lot of traffic on your way home-”

You both jump a bit at a loud beep from a vehicle behind you, supposedly waiting for their turn to pull up in the drop-off zone as well and you already feel the imaginary time limit weigh on your shoulders. Your mind drifts back to the hassle of the day’s previous errands. Right. Because nothing today was allowed to go smoothly.

Your thoughts were the mental equivalent to keyboard smashing and while you regretted the forced and quick goodbyes with Taehyung and again, helpless waiting in the driver’s seat as he retrieved his bags from your trunk on his own, Taehyung tried to wave off the concern in your possibly frowny-face and gave one last beaming grin directed at you.

“Have a great summer!! Thanks again!” you hear, past the hum of outside clamor and vehicles pulling up and leaving.

Letting your mind focus instead on the traffic that never eased up on your way home and the soft hum of your favorite playlist, you tried not to think about how much lonelier it felt whenever you turned your head to your right and took unusual notice of the empty passenger seat.

Stop-and-go-traffic came and went and you grew increasingly relieved the closer and closer you got to home. It wasn’t until you safely arrived and tiredly lay down on a nest of pillows and blankets still gathered on your living room couch that you looked at your phone to notice a new message.

[5:15pm]kim taehyung: thank u again for taking me to the train station!!! HOPE YOUR DRIVE HOME IS EASY AND LIGHTER TRAFFIC THAN YOU EXPECT!! pls let me take you out sometime for food when you have time!!! or I can drop off food anytime during the school year

You smiled at Taehyung’s energy that carried over so naturally over text, and replied as promptly as you could now that you were no longer driving. It feels almost natural to continue conversation with him and you’re glad that none of your fears over the favor came to fruition.

[5:48pm]you: you’re welcome!! im back safe and sound :)

[5:48pm]you: I hope you have a safe trip as well!

[5:49pm]kim taehyung: tHANK YOU! when I get home ill tell soonshim u said hi

Attached was an image of a very cute dog and you allowed a fond laugh to express the warm happiness filling your chest.

Yeah, Taehyung sure had some way of filling space.

#bts scenarios #bts scenario #taehyung scenario #taehyung scenarios #lori writes ;v;;#happy summer y'all #hope ur all enjoying time off from school #unless u have summer classes in that case my sympathies and good luck #may good grades and free time and fun bless u

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 29

Today was a good day Alhamdulillah! Nothing significant or specific though! I just feel good and my heart feels content! Alhamdulillah again! And.. things haven’t really changed much in my life! When i say good, yes, it totally has to do with him! It just felt like he was really close to my heart today! Like he was more of “mine” I really dont know how to express whatever it is, but it is good! Something significant did happen though! Which thank god i could handle.. I had a lot of our pics together and also pics of just him. A lot of them. And i really wanted to hold onto them. Cause memories.. And for a person like me. Im a sucker for pictures. Like, i have this thing for picture in general itself. Its like a part of me. And thats in general. So, when it has to do with ‘his’ or ‘our’ pictures, it definitely means way more to me! But there were some pics however, which at this point, i didnt want to keep! But i havent really gone back to see our pics for a long time until today only to find out that all of it disappeared. Like poof.. Not.a.single.one.of.them.were.there! Like i kept it in an app and idk what happened but theres nothing at all! At first, i really had to put my phone down and take a moment But then i realized that maybe it was for good! Cause like i said, i didnt want to keep all the pictures. But still! Well i started feeling lighter about it and then all i wanted was just one pic.. Atleast one pic from our graduation.. It was really important to me! But then I started to tell myself that it is okay.. But then I still couldnt just do nothing so easily. I started looking at the -media- of our convos in different apps and I got the graduation pictures I wanted Alhamdulillah, and many more! Infact, all the special ones I think or atleast most of them! I really dont know if it is right to hold onto those pictures or not, i guess i will learn eventually inshaAllah but the number of pics i got back is too less compared to all the ones i lost. And i really am holding myself back from thinking of all the ones i lost cause tbh each one is clinged to a memory and if i start to think, i will be able to bring back so much of memory which i lost with those pics. Well to re-state that; i lost the pictures but i guess the memories will always remain in our hearts. Anyways, Alhamdulillah for everything! I am really happy i got the grad pics. I really have no second thoughts about keeping them though! I will hold onto them forever inshaAllah! Lile i said, it was a good day Alhamdulillah! It felt like he was really close to me. It felt like he was more of 'mine’..

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survivormoheli · 6 years

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Rites of Passage

Becca - i never met u but i’m sure u’re a p cool chick! Matt J - i didn’t get to meet u either but if u turn ur name around to tamm it’s like tim tam and i rly like tim tams Eric A - i never got the chance to meet u either!!! but eric k is p cool and u guys share the same name so u must b alright too!! Akito - omg it sucks how we were kind of aligned w different people and never got the opportunity to talk much or work together. i rly valued everything you told me though and it would be cool if we got the opportunity to work together in future games since i’ve heard a lot of good stuff about you! Bryan - omg!!!!! )))))))))-: i’m so sorry i wasn’t able to save you. you’re literally so much fun and i can’t wait until the seasons over so we can start talking again! i also rly hope we get another opportunity to play again!! i wishhh you made merge so we could stir up shit and annoy everyone else. send me more finger pics too plz xx love uuuu Elliot - I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was way too pushy and i wish we spent one world chatting and having fun n talking instead of arguing over who to vote. i miss you so so so so so so so so so so so much and i regret EVERYTHING!!! i really hope we can talk after the seasons finished bcos i actually love you and want to hang out with you more. i hope schools doing great u rock!!!!

Andreas - omg our late night chats (early morning for you) were my favourite and i had so many laughs whilst talking to you. i really hope all your other discord orgs are going good and i’m having fun checking on the Egypt one occasionally, goodluck in ftc!! i hope we can continue talking after the game! say hi to isa from me!!

Annmarie - omg even though we didn’t get to talk too much, my like one encounter with you on call was like the funniest and I hope we get another opportunity to talk or play bcos you are soo iconic hahaha. i’ve heard a couple different things about why you left and i’m not sure which one is the real one but i hope you’re doing good and you’re healthy!

Raffy - i am sooo lucky to have met you!!! thank you for like keeping me sane in this game lol and taking the stress off of my shoulders for all of premerge n the beginning of merge. love how i could finally witness your famous weird camera angles! i got so many laughs out of the calls with you, jg, and bryan and i can’t wait until we’re all reunited!! goodluck in your other games, i know you’re going to kill them!!

JG - omg we actually got redemption for isle of skye? i am sooo happy and like privileged that i got the opportunity to talk to you and work with you! you have such a bright and bubbly and happy personality and i really hope we continue talking after this game so i can hear more mcdonalds horror stories and learn more about the exciting things that are coming up in your life! ooh and so i can watch u n raffy mess around in fortnite.

Dani - hows jury?? xx

Richie - omg you are actually sooo funny and i’m like mad at myself that i didn’t try to get to know you better. i think i was a bit intimidated by you because i heard from others that you weren’t my biggest fan eek! but the few conversations we did have were my fave. we need to start up that face mask company, me n blake came up w an amazing marketing scheme but we need our model! my fave nicole gif btw:

Tim - i’m rly bummed that we didn’t work as closely as we did in isle of skye bcos that was so much fun. your final memes that you sent me were so funny and gave me heaps of nostalgia. i hope everything goes well for prom and you n your friends have heaps of fun!!

Blake - i keep reading funny things or spot a hot guy or something n go to message you but realise i can’t. i rly made my life a lot less interesting huh!! becoming friends with you was probably the best experience for me of this game. i really hope that voting you out doesn’t change our relationship and we can still be friends and talk heaps, and watch horror movies, and be mean to people. HAHHAHA. i love you lots!!!

Blake: You are such a great guy and an awesome player! From being the only two from Sima that stuck together at the first tribe swap, to getting back together on Thueban. You were a great ally and I was to have to cut ties.

Tim: Tim! You’re a really great guy and I still really loved the flag you made for the merged tribe challenge all on your phone, especially the beret and mustache :P Have fun at prom when the time comes and hopefully you found a nice tux!

Richie: You played hard right up to the end and I respect that! You played a great game. Keep dropping your Survivor/BBCan/BBUS knowledge and you’re bound to get a job on the spot! I guarantee it!! Haha Remember, you’re a survivor of grad school, no matter how long you were in it

Dani: You played an awesome game but I guess the odds just weren’t on your side in the end. I wish you the best of luck with your goal of getting on Survivor! :) I’m sure you’ll get on it, just got to keep on trying. I can’t wait to see you on my TV screen.

JG: We often kept our chats to game talk and I felt like we had a really good bond and shared a similar mindset in terms of threats and allies. I was sad to see you get voted out and wish we could have played together for longer. Keep on killing it at Overwatch for me and I’ll keep on killing on Mario Kart for you :)

Raffy: Raffy! You were definitely a character from the moment we interacted right until the very end. Causing tribe drama by forfeiting that challenge was something I’ll never forget. Good luck with the rest of high school and keep enjoying those video games.

AnnMarie: Look at you causing drama with a MedEvac! Haha I’m glad to hear that you were okay. Best of luck with school and make sure to take the time to destress once in a while. You honestly won me over when I saw that you chose Michaela as your picture haha

Andreas: I’m sorry to hear about the frustration you had during the early portion of the game. It was nice to connect with another non-american player! Hopefully your job search went well and your fun interview turned out for the best!!!

Elliot: You were so great! I’m glad we shared a lot of same opinions and it was always great to get my frustration out and screaming into the void with you when needed. You were somebody I saw myself aligning with before you got voted out and that tribal really sucked.

Bryan: We never got to chat much sadly simply because we were never on the same tribe, except for the One World twist. You’re obviously a huge presence in these games which is something to be respected. It would have been cool to play alongside you and learn a bit of your skills. Hopefully see you in the next one!

Akito: We never really talked much, and I blame my busy work schedule for that, but I remember suffering through the duolingo challenge with you from beginning to end. Talking about our progress and how much we didn’t want to do it anymore. Sorry for accidentally congratulating you for getting the highest score only to immediately realize I misread the results haha

Eric A: All the way back to the original Sima tribe. I had a great time shit talking about people who spell their name as Erik over the more superior Eric. But I’m sure we weren’t bias or anything haha We never went far together but I enjoyed the time we had early on in the game,

Matt J: I’m sad that I never actually met in the game. As a first time player myself, I was excited to chat with you. I hope your early elimination won’t stop you from playing again in the future!

Becca: It was sad to see you go home first :( I hope you had a good time throughout your time in the game and hopefully we’ll actually cross paths one of these days.

Blake- ohhhhhh my god. i love you so much and everyone knows who already really won this game (you) even without the actual title! can’t believe you were done like that and if you play other survivor games (or real survivor) you’re gonna win! Tim- we didn’t talk much but i really like how you never gave up even when you had like 0 hope. Richie- we didn’t talk much like at all but you’re obviously vvv smart and was always on the top for challenges. Dani- you really were the queen of surviving tribal council and i fully respect your gameplay and you turned into the threat pretty quick! JG- we’ve had our differences but now i really appreciate and respect you!! so glad we got these chances to talk lol! i’ll be rooting for you your next game lol!

Raffy- it was nice talking to you for the short period we did. sorry it ended so shortly but threats can’t stay threats!!!

Annmarie- idk what to say like you flipped on me and after bryan was out you were basically nonexistent Andreas- so you voted for me and that’s completely cool i feel for your awful timezone situation and how you played even with the struggle!

Elliot- i don’t think we were ever on a tribe together but i heard enough about you from blake to feel like we were tbh Bryan- …… i mean the first time didn’t work but the second time was a charm?? Akito- idk you just really tried to throw me under the bus which is kind of an awful thing to do but look who’s here now taquito Eric A- ya know this was my first attempt at trying something and it didn’t work out agdbd but rip to you i really tried

Blake: You are so cool, unfortunately you just were too good :-( hope to play with you again!

Tim: I really want to play with you again, you are a really good player

Richie: I wish you were still in the game! Unfortunately they targeted our alliance...

Dani: I would have gone to the end with you, I hate that you're not here...

JG: I hope to play with you again! You are a really good player

Raffy: lol your name always autocorrects to Taffy, I hope to play with you again and you're really cool!

Andreas: I'm really sorry that you got voted out, it's a part of my game that I regret the most... Hope to play with you again :-)

Bryan: it's unfortunate that you had to get voted out, I really enjoyed playing with you!

Matt J: I'm sorry that we voted you out early, but you were going after me!

Becca: I wish you could have stayed longer... Good luck!

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