#welp I think this show has officially traumatized me for life

[theromanticrationalist]

Young Sheldon Series Finale: 7x13 Funeral

So, I was delayed in watching the finale because I actually wanted to watch it with my own Dad, but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

😭

Damn, damn, damn, DAMN DAAAAAAAAMN!! So, that Funeral episode hit and it hit hard. (Did they really HAVE TO HAVE AN OPEN CASKET FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...ughughughughugh) The writing for that episode was the crème de la crème, and I think is the cathartic thematic climax of this series. The final episode was necessary for transitioning between YS and TBBT, which brings both stories together, but as far as the story YS was telling, Funeral was the show's end. It isn't a perfect ending and it wasn't a pretty ending, and in fact is quite devastating in so many ways, but it is truthful to Sheldon's journey, and to the human experience.

When Sheldon got up in front of the church to say a few words, playing out the scenario as he wished he had done it, that was the moment. The whole episode is Sheldon processing his grief - imperfect and messy as he has literally no tools or precedent to fall back on - as he replays his father leaving that fateful day over and over, tweaking it each time to make it "better". With a young man with an eidetic memory and a compulsive need for his reality to be orderly (and the fact that he believes in the Many-Worlds Interpretation), this would make sense. He begins be utilizing Star Trek (Spock's death) to filter it and provide context, but that no longer proves sufficient to the crushing and terrible emotions of what he is experiencing. That was a tool he used for when he was a boy, but now he has been thrust into the world of manhood in absolutely the worst way possible. What is it that will speak truest to what he is going through than the bare naked truth?

"I've been thinking a lot about the last moments I had with my Dad. It was morning and he was leaving for work. He said "See y'all later." And I said nothing. I regret that. I could have said bye. Or asked him for a ride. Or told him that I loved him, but I didn't. I barely noticed that he left. So many times that I didn't notice my father, I hope he knew how much I loved him."

From the audience's perspective we have been watching Sheldon play the scenario many times through his mind, and to have the rug pulled out from under us at this moment of all moments, to see that this too was only just a scenario (played out by Sheldon Prime), is exactly what it is like living in this world, enduring this life - not just for Sheldon but for all of us. In one of my previous posts I mentioned how I loved Sheldon Cooper's story because of what he could teach us. This episode encapsulates it in total. He can teach us that you cannot quantify life, you can't organize it so that everything makes sense and plays out in a well-structured narrative and format, where every feeling is named and every event categorized. Life is myriad, so much richer and so much fuller and so much wilder than anything we can imagine or think up on our own. It is what makes it utterly terrifying and wretched, but it is also part of its beauty and purpose. Sheldon Cooper comes to realize this, but he is only able to have this deeper understanding after first living it. Sheldon Prime's concluding narration at the end of Funeral is Sheldon Cooper's story taken as a whole - past, present, future - the life in movement. Of course young Sheldon would not experience his father's death in its completeness. He is the midst of it. He is trying to survive it. So I love the realness of Sheldon's "imperfect" response to his father's death in the fact that he didn't respond to it. He quite literally did not process it, and instead ran away from it. It is painful, brutal, but truthful. Yet that was not the end of Sheldon Cooper's story, as we know, and I think that leaves us with hope, but it is a kind of hope that must be waited for with profound patience.

Although I myself have not gone through the loss of a parent like Sheldon has, I still have gone through devastating and traumatic life events, so I am very familiar with the inexplicable and violating nature of grief and loss. I am still processing that grief and loss, so these thoughts I am sharing with you all right now are pretty recent revelations, and quite literally me living them out in real time, so it might be a little messy...hehe.

However, I will end this by saying that none of these truths mean that life is arbitrary. It doesn't mean it makes life meaningless. Just because human endeavors cannot place life within a context that he himself can first create and then comprehend, doesn't mean that life doesn't have a context and that that context can't be understood. It just means that that context comes from a different Source, an external and eternal one (and I will say, by necessity, a paternal one, but that is a thought for another day!)

Fitting then that the episode, and Young Sheldon, should end with the recitation of the Lord's prayer:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." | Matthew 6:9-10

[aimasup]

So I saw a bunch of Human AU Sanders Sides and thought I could make my own version

Backstories under the cut for anyone who’s interested

(Tw warnings such as mentions of abuse, homophobia and car accidents but it’s angst with a happy ending don’t worry)

-Long post-

-Patton:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them! Lots of friends in kindergarten! Met Logan one day! He’s so smart!

Grade school: More friends! Logan’s opening up! Everything’s perfect!

Highschool: My parents are arguing more and I’m tired Meeting Roman and Remus! Roman’s so cool! Meeting Virgil! Virgil needs a hug! I feel sad and stressed sometimes and I don’t think I want to worry anyone with it.- Virgil’s with us now yay!

College: My best buds are here! I got into an accident halfway through my studies Virgil please don’t feel responsible. It’s not your fault. I’m so sorry Logan I should have understood your situation better. Roman please get mad I deserve your anger and I feel awful and empty but I shouldn’t show it because some people have it worse than I do I know it why do I feel this way? I’m fine honestly this is fine everything’s fine I’m just the problem -

Adulthood: So. I’m not the problem. I just need to work on my attitude and my flaws. I love my friends and family so much because they let me know that expressing my feelings is ok! My parents are fine now! I’m getting professional help! I work in an animal care center with Virgil! Roman is successful and pursuing his dreams! Met this guy named Dean and he works with Logan in the bookstore next to our center! He’s fun but he might need to stop lying so much, but other than that I’m happy with where I am now!

-Virgil:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them. Bullies can go suck it. I feel bad that my parents always spend their time comforting me but they’re my whole world and I feel safe with them.

Grade school: Bullies are getting worse. Dad’s dead. Mom is stressed and busy so I don’t want to trouble her further. She still spends time with me for some reason. I don’t think I deserve friends. MCR is great. I met Dean and Remus. They’re. Interesting. I hate Roman.

High school: Oh my god everything is stressful and oppressive and everyone is scared of me. That’s good. Maybe. Met Patton, Logan and Roman. They’re only somewhat scared? Hm. Dean and Remus are getting into even more trouble than usual and pulling me into them. Maybe they aren’t good for me with how they’ve been acting lately. I’ll go be with Patton. - Maybe they don’t really accept me they’re just waiting to kick me out like everyone else why would they even like me-

College: Mom I love you so much I swear I’ll get a good job and make this college money worth it you’ll see. And things are surprisingly less stressful? I really like my friends? Patton why the hell did you save me from that car. Logan you have some explaining to do. Roman you shut the fuck up. - Everything is my fault I should have never said anything why am I always like this everyone was right about me- 

 Adulthood: Mom!! You can now retire!! Roommates with Patton, Logan and Roman now and I love being with them so much. And. Dean and Remus are still around. Well then. Whatever. I work a nice job at an animal care center with Patton and I have my friends and I’m learning to be more open and things are going well for now. Not bad for a life.

-Logan:

Toddler to child: Parents go to work most of the time and I see them every other weekend. Who cares about everyone else in kindergarten I have my books and Crofters. Oh hello Patton.

Grade school: I’m smarter than everyone else and I know it. Patton is a wonderful companion. I’m doing well for my age. 

High school: Virgil and Roman are interesting. Remus needs to chill. Virgil no let me lay some facts down for you because you are valid you hear me. Oh! Oh my gosh! I met this amazing student and he makes me feel special and happy! I think I love him! - It hurts but that’s fine- 

College: I’m coming for those degrees! Patton needs to stop asking me to leave my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand how important this man is to me! I can stand a little pain! Wait what happened to Patton. Virgil? Roman? Ok. Wait. Shit. I’m an idiot. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out - I’m such an idiot it doesn’t matter how knowledgeable I am I’m still a gullible moron when it comes to relationships and everything my ex has ever done and said to me is all my fault because I fell for his manipulations-

Adulthood: Ok. I trust my therapist and my friends when they say it’s not my fault and that it’s alright. What I felt with my ex wasn’t love and I’m not a moron for falling for him. I can always start over. Like with the bookstore I now own with my receptionist Dean. Apparently he knows Virgil huh. They frequently bicker whenever Dean goes to their animal care center to buy snake feed so that’s interesting. My parents have retired and are now trying to make up for lost time with me? I appreciate it I suppose. Now I live with my companions and contact my family and things are alright.

-Roman:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them! They buy me anything I want! They support my dreams! But Remus keeps bullying me and I’m not sure how to feel about him. He’s still my brother

Grade school: I have so many friends! Extra-curricular activities because I’m really talented! Remus has new friends to cause trouble with oh boy. More people to bully me the better for him ugh. Virgil especially creeps me out. I’m getting a little concerned as to how my parents are treating Remus but I’m sure he’s fine 

High school: Ok. So. Apparently telling my parents that I like guys is a bad idea. - That’s going to scar on my back for sure- They treat me completely differently from when I was a kid? And I met Patton and Logan and I think I might be a tad spoiled by my family. Also Virgil’s here but he’s getting more and more ok. I’ll hang out with him now. - I’m ungrateful and a disgrace and I’m not as creative as I ever thought I was- 

College: Welp. I’m moving out. I wish Remus the best of luck because I think he’s coming too. My parents officially suck as much as Logan’s current boyfriend. He needs to dump him. Wait I’m a YouTuber now! Yay! - I’m getting more and more stressed and overwhelmed from debt and I fear rejection from my fans and friends the moment I say something out of line and the moment I run out of good ideas for them- Oh shit Patton what happened!! Logan what did you do!! Virgil you shut the fuck up!! Remus you’re not helping!! - I could have prevented this why didn’t I realize this earlier am I that self absorbed-

Adulthood: Yes I’m a full time YouTuber and actor and singer now!! Patton, Logan and Virgil live with me now and they even work close together! Remus is now a comic book artist and novel author, hope he doesn’t traumatize people too much. Logan’s receptionist Dean sure is a character.  I still fear rejection- but I know things will be good for now!

-Deceit:

Toddler to child: Where are my parents. Why is the orphanage so small and why do people look at me weird when I talk. I’m never getting adopted.

Grade school: Well, I’m adopted now I guess. No way in hell am I telling them everything that happens daily in my life. Why do my new parents think my bedroom door needs to be removed. They took my little garden snake because it wasn’t a ‘normal’ pet? Hm. Why hello there Virgil and Remus. Hello Roman. 

High school: That’s it. I’m getting piercings, I’m getting a huge tattoo, I’m kissing snakes. Screw my parents. I don’t need to let anyone know anything about me. My opinion doesn’t matter anyways and everything about me is going to be bad no matter what so why bother So they fear us, Virgil? Good. Wait. Where are you going?

College: I’m moving out officially. Remus is in a different college. -Don’t miss him at all. I shall play along to society’s whims for now and get a degree and never use it. Got rid of the tracker under my car. I don’t think I’ll ever contact my parents again.

Adulthood: I think I’m doing rather well as a citizen. Remus is my new apartment mate oh god. But he is now a comic book artist and novel author so at least he has a job. Perks of working in a bookstore with Logan. That nerd’s one of Virgil’s new friends? And emo boy now works in the animal care center next to us? Whatever. I’ll leave them be unless I need some new snake feed. Things are peaceful now for me at least.

-Remus:

Toddler to child: I want my parents to look me in the eye and tell them they care more than just throwing fancy stuff into my arms dangit. Whatever I’ll just take it out on Roman and the kids in the playground.

Grade school: -If you can’t say anything nice don’t open your ugly mouth ever at all- So I’m disturbed? So my thoughts aren’t normal? Fine! Not like I can control what comes into my head! Let me bully Roman some more with my new buds Virgil and Dean! - freaking star child has everything I hate him so much what will it take for my parents to have their attention on me I’ve caused so much trouble in school why won’t they care-

High school: Roman what the hell happened?? I was planning your murder but now I’m not sure how to feel?? Damn you?? Uh?? We’ll move out?? And where the hell is Virgil going again?? Dean?? He’s leaving us? Alright. That’s it. That’s it - my grades and reputation are shit and my parents always assume the worst of me anyways so I’ll just sleep around with a bunch of guys every other week for quick cash and drag my family’s name through the mud and have fun because I don’t hate myself completely but my ideas are bad and I’m bad and- 

College: Fuck you mom and dad! Roman and I are moving out!! I’m gonna become a comic artist and write terrifying stories that’ll make Satan cry!! - Ugh Dean’s in another college dammit I miss him- Roman what is it this time someone get run over or something? What happened with that nerd Logan?  Is Virgil alright- What the fuck happened? - the star child is crying why are you crying why am I crying why do I feel like this I don’t care I shouldn’t care I hate you I hate me-

Adulthood: My ideas are selling! I’m a comic book artist and a novel author! Dean is my new apartment buddy! My brother is still some fancy theater geek but who cares! And the store Dean works at sells my books! And Virgil’s in the animal care center next door! I met his new friends officially and they’re boring lol. I really like where my life’s heading!

[psyched2b]

💚 I’m a 23 year old grad student studying Veterinary Biomedical Science. I’m a bit awkward and have social anxiety, but once I’m comfortable I am quite the sass bucket. Currently trying to cover myself in tattoos, but being a broke graduate student puts a halt to that. My main love in life is training dogs; including flyball, herding and Search and Rescue. All of my reservations dissipate when I’m training my dogs. 💚

JFC. Finally got this done. I AM SO FUCKING SORRY IT TOOK A YEAR

BUT….I think you’ll like this. Also for anyone else reading this….it’s more like a story, so feel free to enjoy :)

I Ship You With: BUCKY BARNES

The first time you meet, you’re an awkward turtle. Sam is the one to introduce you two because Sam has worked/volunteered with you in the past with training exercises for search and rescue. You barely make eye contact with the Winter Soldier and just mumble through your hellos, your chest tight with anxiety, face burning hot in embarrassment. You can’t help yourself. You even stutter when saying your name - YOUR OWN NAMEThough you don’t know, Bucky is intrigued by you. Surely you’re not the same person Sam talks about. The one who is passionate and full of sass. He just assumes that you’re shy and can empathize with that. But it’s also like a breath of fresh air for him. A nice change of scenery. Ever since becoming an official Avenger ( and is Captain America’s best friend) people would do anything - ANYTHING- to get his attention. (He doesn’t even mention it, especially not to Sam, but he’s still traumatized from the time women’s used (!) underwear came in through the mail for him to “enjoy”. He gets a little green thinking about it.)“Well, I have to get going. Have this huge assignment due by midnight that I need to review before submitting,” you say as you gather your things to go. Bucky wasn’t ready for you to leave, wanting to know more about you. “You’re in school? What are you studying?”Your (color) eyes flick to meet his steel blue ones. “Science,” is your cryptic response and Sam lets out a heartfelt laugh. “Guess that’s true,” Sam chortled. You give a small smile and roll your eyes. “Will I be seeing you this Saturday?”Bucky was confused. What was this Saturday?
Sam nodded in affirmation. “Of course,” he replied, slinging a heavier-than-you-would-think arm over the Winter Soldier’s shoulder. “And I’m bringing this beefcake with me.”
“Beefcake!” Bucky was mock-appalled. “I’ll have you know that name belongs to Steve Fucking Rogers. I am… able-bodied…”Sam let out a loud snort. “Hahaha. Says the man missing an arm.”Before Bucky could retort, you let out a peal of giggles that had his heart-stopping and spoke, “I don’t know. I think a more apt term would be Thicc-k-k.” You looked down at your watch and blanched. “Sorry boys, but I really got to get going.”And with that, you were gone. The next time you met was at Central Park. Sam had volunteered both himself and Bucky to help with a Search and Rescue training. Upon their arrival, Bucky was taken-away with your stunning smile. You were crouched low to the ground, petting a handsome Golden Retriever and speaking animatedly to him. Surprisingly, the dog seemed just as invested in your conversation, his dark chocolate eyes on you, tongue rolled out of his mouth and panting happily. “Oh, you’re such a good boy,” you gushed, Bucky finally able to hear you as they walked up, “You’re going to show these boys who’s the greatest seeker! My bets on you!”
You looked up when Bucky and Sam approached and offered them a small(er) smile. “Hey! Great to see y’all contributing to something good for once,” she teased, hugging Sam. She pulled back and looked to Bucky, hesitate, and offered her hand. He couldn’t help but secretly be disappointed. “Just trying to do our Civic Duty, ma’am,” Sam responded pompously with an easy smile. “Mhm,” she hummed,  pursing her lips. “That, or you’re here so you can cozy up to Amber Foster and get her number.” She gave him an unimpressed look. “Are you going to continue to be Mr. Chicken-Shit or are you going to man up and do what needs to be done?”Sam huffed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and then, “Welp, I’m just going to let you guys get more aquatinted. Duty calls!” He then took off, heading for a beautiful blond woman who was setting up a snack table.“Hmph.” You gave a small smirk, making eye contact with Bucky. “Guess we know where his loyalties lie.” Bucky shoved his hands into his jacket and nodded, a faux solemn look taking over his features. “Good thing I’ve gotten over my abandonment issues, otherwise this would be awkward,” he muttered quietly, not meaning for you to hear…not really. “What?” you ask, giving him a questioning look. Bucky blinked and kept a neutral expression. “What?”You look at him like he’s crazy before shaking your head and bringing back a small smile. “Okay… anyway. Do you know what you’re doing here today?”
The dog at your feet barked, not wanting to be forgotten, and nudge your hand with his snout. “Nope,” Bucky responded, lips popping on the ‘p’. “But I am eager to meet this handsome fella.” He crouched down and held out his right hand for the pup to sniff. Your smile brightened. “This is Gerald. He’s going to be my partner today and his job is to find you.”
Bucky looked up at her puzzled. She continued, kneeling next to Gerald and ran a hand through his thick coat. “This is a Search and Rescue exercise. Today, we play hide and seek. We bring out people who the dogs aren’t familiar with, such as yourself, and it’s their job to find you.”
“You do realize who I am, don’t you?” he asked, unsure if he was going to pose too much of a challenge. He was an ex-deadly assassin after all and he was a master at not being found. Just ask America’s-ass, Steve. “Are you trying to tell me that you think you’re better than Gerald?” you questioned. “Because if that’s what you think, you have another thing coming for ya.”He smirked. “Sounds like the perfect opportunity to place a friendly wager then.”You blinked, unsure. “Erm….what?”Bucky nods. “Yes. I think that if Gerald isn’t able to find me, that you owe me a date.”“A date?” you echoed, slightly dazed by where this conversation is going. You shook your head. “Um…okay…but what if Gerald finds you?”“Then I owe you a date.”“Is….is this your way of asking me out…because… erm… I’m like an awkward turtle and um…. school.”He let out a small laugh, trying not to feel too self-conscious at the situation. He hadn’t asked a woman out since the 1940s and it was slightly terrifying. “You know what,” you say, “Yes. I accept this wager of yours. But know this... Gerald. Will. Win.”“Game on.”You were sworn to take the outcome of that day to your grave… but you were definitely a proud dog-parent. Having seen Bucky become a (willing?) participant in your world put things into a new light. Of course, you knew his back story. Everyone did. And then he became a part of the Avengers, elevating him to what would seem like a ‘god-like’ status in the eyes of the public. He was seen as being above reproach. But you knew better. You knew that he was a wholesome, caring, easy-going, fun (and possibly a little awkward) man. He was super charming and soon, you found yourself falling. 
Though you’re busy with grad school and training, whatever free time you do have, you dedicate it to Bucky Barnes. He became your PersonAnd you his. You could go to him with anything and everything and he was always an excellent listening ear; whether you just need to vent or need help with whatever. It was beautiful.

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 7 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

Today, we meet the other Charlie X. One who has not launched a multimillion-dollar superhero franchise, but on the bright side also didn't murder his twin sister in the womb. What other pros and cons has he got on his card? Let's find out.

* ... huh. I was expecting someone... smaller. * Kirk, you remember what happened the last time you took in the sole survivor of a distant planet, right? ** He's even got the Gary Mitchell eyes! For God's sake grab a rock before it's too late! * More creeping-on-Rand jokes. Blah. * "I want them to like me." "Most seventeen-year-olds do." That scare chord ain't doin' ya any favors, kid. ** Neither does that. Jesus. ** (Wonder if they've still got mace in the 23rd century...) * Three blockheads debate how to be a Good Dad to the resident space orphan. Predictably, they spent most of it trying to foist him off on each other. * D'awww, what a lovely little break room. Card games, 3D chess... ** ... and Uhura singing quasi-racist ballads? I'm guessing Spock never played for the break room again after this. ** (Notwithstanding that: guess who now ships Uhura/Rand) * Okay, Charlie, you can't pin this one on not being socialized properly. It's the Space Mace for you, bud. * Kirk. You have a nurse onboard. If you don't want to explain it, get her. * "The debris is what's left of the Antares." Well, that escalated quickly. ** Anyway - happy Thanksgiving, everyone! * Tut tut, Charlie. Nobody likes a sore loser. ** Incidentally - I can't help but wonder if he would've turned out different if only the ship he'd crashed on had entertainment tapes in its library, too. Give him at least a little secondhand experience in socializing. *** ... then again, maybe we're better off not knowing what a Charlie raised on sitcoms would act like. * Hm... as "You need to grow up, kid," speeches go this isn't the worst I've heard, and maybe it's the best you can reasonably expect from a bachelor like Kirk - but would it have killed him to drop "You made Yeoman Rand very uncomfortable" somewhere in there? * And now, for the thing that'll cheer up any seventeen-year-old: Faaaaanservice~ ** "I appreciate the gesture, captain, but I can melt people with my mind, so I think I'll do just fine in a fight." * Enjoy the Cornfield, trainer Redshirt! ** Kirk, I appreciate your need to Reestablish Authority and shit, but can't you at least ask Charlie if he can bring the guy back first? * Poor, poor Charlie. To run into the one force even greater than his Alien-God powers: Plot Armor. * Holy shit, he disarmed the entire ship?! Forget the colony or whatever, just whisk him by the Romulan Empire! * So we're officially looking at a Gary Mitchell: The Redux. It's rather interesting how Spock doesn't jump straight to "Yes Murder!" this time around, but maybe he's just learned it's not Good to have those thoughts around a superpowered psychic. ** Time to revisit some good ol' ethical dilemmas... is what I would say if we didn't have just fifteen minutes left. Alas, we do, so it's time for Charlie to go into Full VIllain mode. *** Taking over the ship? You fiend! *** Making Spock recite overrated poetry? You fiend! *** Kicking the Yeomen around double-hard? You are so getting Space-Maced at the end of this. * In all seriousness: this is probably the most proactive Rand's ever been; damning with faint praise, for sure, but I hope it heralds things to come. ** Welp. 'bye, Yeoman! ** (I know the viewers, even back in '66, were probably supposed to take this as a sign that nobody would be permanently hurt by Charlie, but the idea that this would be how they wrote Rand out of the show absolutely tickles the Horrible Goblin part of my brain.) * Oh, the force-field trick again! A-plus for continuity... is what I would say if you guys didn't forget the most important part: have Bones ready with a hypo of tranquilizer. ** There, see? Now the Alien Boy-God's pissed and everyone onboard without a series-regular contract has to pay the price. ** Holy jeez now there's a creepy effect. * Oh, now you think of using tranqs! ** I don't know if it's stupidly awesome or awesomely stupid that Kirk's somehow turned "press buttons at random" into a keystone tactic. * The message says they're from where?! ** Oh no. Oh geez. *** That's our big resolution?! The Boy-God's Parent Gods come to pick him up?! * They try to throw in some last-minute melodrama to wring some depth out of it all, and it... doesn't entirely fail (I especially love Kirk sticking up for the kid even after all the shit he's pulled), but for cryin' out loud, this really needed at least ten minutes, not three. ** That closing shot of Rand being traumatized feels perfectly appropriate for all the wrong reasons.

Aaaaand there you have it: Where No Man Has Gone Before, Take II. It's nowhere near as tight a story, which is more often than not a liability; whatever character elements Charlie can bring to the table, none of it really counts for anything in the end. Nobody learns to like him, or teach him to like them. Nobody learns anything period. As a pure horror story in the It’s A Good Life mold it’s... passable, but hobbled by the fact that you know an old-school adventure show like this will never be allowed to have an out-and-out Downer Ending.

Next: We say goodbye to the good Yeoman, and hello to the greatest of all the Federation’s enemies. No, not that one. No, not that one either.