#wels kin

[hermitcraftkinfessions]

Welsknight kin here uhh. i really thought my helsknight was cool. But like, not in an admiration way, it’s in a literal sense. I was tired when I first met him and touched the fire on accident and it was.. not. cool.

-🪴 (if that works!)

yea, a universal thing most if not all Helsknights have is fire somewhere on their person, or fire magic, or both. ya gotta be on alert at all times around a hels, this goes for other Helsknights as well, careful round yourself/silly (I was not and burnt my own face)

-Mod Hels

[bonefall]

again looking over the reworked history what the hell happened with Ripwater, I wanna know. What *was* that? How did Riverclan kill it?

Oooooh, quite a request! Ripwater, Queen of the Lake, one of the episodes of BB!Po3!

Ripwater is a Wels Catfish, the largest freshwater fish in Europe. The biggest specimen EVER caught was just landed last year, in 2023, 9.4 feet long. It wasn't weighed, but smaller fish than this one have broken 300 pounds.

And it's not a good thing that we're catching so many big ones.

Wels catfish are extremely invasive across most of Europe, introduced for anglers who want to land record-setting catches. They're massive, intelligent carnivores, sometimes called the "freshwater orca" because they will lunge out of the water to catch land prey. They DESTROY the population of anything big enough to fit in its terrible mouth, including fish, amphibians, and even turtles.

They get that big from a mix of constant food and hot temperature. It's a sign that they're devastating their surroundings, and that nothing has been able to kill them for the decades it takes to get so large.

So of course, some dunderhead put them in British rivers, where they've been spreading upwards ever since. Thankfully they thrive better where it's warmer, so they're not too massive of a threat to BB's modeled regions in Northwestern England, but they're fucking coming.

Ripwater's name isn't an exaggeration. That's how they hunt. They gape their jaw and beat their fins like dragons, creating eddies and currents that suck their hapless prey in. When RiverClan names her, it's because they see her ripping the water in half. I was thinking about her recently, and came up with some new stuff. I'll take a brief break from my drafts to serve up some fragments for you.

[A gray cat with blue eyes, Lakepaw, later BB!Lakeheart, swims in bluegreen water surrounded by lilypads. Below her is the massive shadow of Ripwater, a gigantic Wels Catfish. Its eyes flash in the depths.]

SMALL RECAP OF BB!PO3: (to set the stage)

It is now a breather arc, just dedicated to some worldbuilding!

I feel pretty strongly that Po3's strength is how AWESOME of a slice-of-life arc it could have been. To this end, I removed the Kin of your Kin prophecy from it, until it's revealed only at the very end just before Cruel Season.

That's so I can focus on The Three and their adventures around the lake, without this big prophecy looming over them and making the lower-stakes conflicts look small.

Instead, the various episodes of Po3 are related to problems that their new home presents, with just a teeny bit of Sol's magical influence to spice things up.

While Lionpaw learns about the "meaning of strength" and ultimately learns a terrible lesson he will extend to his kits, and Jaypaw finds his limits and learns to prevent others from defining them for him, Hollypaw is grappling with Fire Alone and how to reconcile her grandfather's legacy with her strict dedication to the Warrior Code.

And SO we find ourselves in one of the earliest episodes of BB!Po3; Ripwater the River Demon. This is like... episode 3 or 4, it's a REALLY early one.

I'm just shuffling it around with ANOTHER RiverClan-centric episode; the Shinewater Plague. The oilspill from TNP is now going to be bumped up to Po3 so it's more about establishing Mothwing and her apprentice Willowpaw, to contrast Leafpool and her apprentice Hollypaw, before Holly swaps to being a warrior. Jaypaw completes warrior training before becoming a Cleric apprentice.

So I don't want them to be TOO close together. Maybe put Ripwater in Book 2 and have RiverClan comment that they don't really want to ask for help because of the last big event, Mistystar hates feeling indebted to ThunderClan.

After all, it could basically replace the "flood" episode from Canon Po3, which is often forgotten about anyway. I'm already having ShadowClan construct dams instead of RiverClan anyway...

ANYWAY RIPWATER

I want to start this episode off with Sol/Harry, who is unnamed, messing around near water. He has a bit of a fish motif going on that I want to establish, and I need to get him to start messing with the Clans good and early.

(Specifically his motif is going back and forth between the koi, also an invasive and notably domesticated species, and the atlantic salmon which is famous for its changing life cycle.)

The Wels Catfish is an invasive species to England, slowly making its way up the island from the South. The fish who will become Ripwater, at this point, is already HUGE but not cat-swallowing huge. She's an 80-pounder.

Sol hits her with some godly magic, which allows her to grow at a rapid rate.

The sort of thing where it wouldn't be COMPLETELY implausible. He just... helped it along.

When we get to her first true on-screen appearance interacting with RiverClan, she is nearly 300 pounds of monstrosity with a length of about 8 feet

I'm unsure how, exactly, ThunderClan comes to know of this. But I DO know that I want Hollypaw to be snooping, and heavily encouraged by her mentor Brackenfur to do so. So, somehow, SOMETHING starts going wrong across the lake and ThunderClan catches wind of it.

Thinking about it, this should probably be her first big action after swapping out of Cleric apprenticeship.

One of the few things she's missing about Clerichood is the way she could be close to Willowpaw without needing to sneak around so much. It's easier to just pass it off as "friendship" and "Clerics need to be close." Leafpool and Mothwing are a similar way.

Possibly work in that Hollypaw's also already seeing Heatherpaw in the tunnels, contrast the two things...

At this point, Hollypaw has a crush on Willowpaw, which is requited, but... it's kinda fading.

She still loves her like a friend, but she's liking Heatherpaw a lot more. It doesn't mean she doesn't CARE for Willowpaw, of course, but

Willowpaw is still IN love, and it's slowly becoming unrequited, when it didn't used to be.

And from RiverClan's POV...

The first disappearance is so sudden they have no idea what's happened. I'm planning for it to be Robinpaw.

(I go back and forth on if it's Robinpaw or Dapplepaw, but I'm leaning towards Robinpaw again, because I like Dapplenose too much to have her get killed off here.)

She went out clamming in the lake with her sisters, Lakepaw and Otterpaw, there was a swirl in the water, and that was it. She was gone.

Just like that.

She never came back up. RiverClan searched for her, following the currents, checking the shoreline, everything. It was like she vanished.

Mistystar is suspicious and doing everything in her power to figure out what happened, but... let's face it. It's the word of two apprentices, who were swimming alone, who swear Robinpaw just went under.

Misty JUST got done with the Shinewater Plague and isn't trying to make RiverClan look like it can't keep track of its own young. The most likely situation is that Robinpaw was sucked down by an undertow that the three of them were too inexperienced to recognize.

So... she's pretty adamant about not sharing this information until Robinpaw's body is found. Jaws Style. "We cannot let the other Clans be alarmed by this, else they might meddle in our affairs..."

(and she's still maybe a little paranoid that some snoop in another Clan is going to find out that Leopardstar wasn't killed by a rogue, y'know.)

I don't want it to be TOO much of a bloodbath, so I'm capping Ripwater's body count at three and just aiming for two deaths total.

I'm also going for a coincidence RiverClan is going to interpret as a pattern; this happens a lot, specifically, when they're hunting Freshwater Pearl Mussels.

Ripwater doesn't like the river as much as she likes the lake, but it has nothing to do with their clamming. They're just going to interpret it as such.

Anyway.

The next one she goes after was lucky. By some stroke, she opens her jaw, and the victim is able to grab onto something before they're sucked in. (Maybe toss in something here were it was Holly who was able to help save them.)

Since the WHOLE Po3 Apprentice Generation is going to be getting more focus, there needs to be more input from the RiverClan apprentices. Lakepaw and Otterpaw obviously need time here, but I also NEED to involve Ripplepaw, to establish how he's going to be seen as one of the strongest in RiverClan by OotS.

EDIT FROM THE FUTURE AS I FIGURED STUFF OUT:

It was Ripplepaw, Otterpaw, and their two mentors on a raft who were attacked next. They were fishing for mussels in a shallower part of the lake.

Otterpaw was tethered to the raft with a flax lead, so it wouldn't float off. Or just tugging it in her mouth. Either way she had a line.

When Ripwater attacks her, she is swallowed on the line like a worm on a hook

And it starts pulling the WHOLE RAFT down, just a crummy bundle of sticks

One of the mentors started shouting to cut the line, else it would drag all of them under, but Ripplepaw dives right down to beat its ass without telling them he's not gonna cut it

Hollypaw just rushed right in, didn't think about it, forgetting she was supposed to be trying to sneak around

Taking control as the natural leader she is, she ordered them to shut up and start pulling the opposite way

Underwater, Ripplepaw braced himself against the fish's lips, grabs Otter's tether, and YANKS

Abovewater, the adult warriors are pulling together, Holly grabs the raft and pulls too

Once their paws touch the bottom of the shallows it's over, one last HEAVE-HO and POP!

Otterpaw is FREE

And when it's finally known that the apprentices weren't mistaken, there's a monster in the water, THAT'S when the debate really starts up. Mistystar does NOT want ThunderClan meddling, and she'll already be pissed off that Hollypaw (and any OTHERS who tagged along with her, I wouldn't put it past Honeypaw to wriggle her little yellow butt into a later draft, or Lionpaw for his massive strength) witnessed something that's not her business.

There's a moment from canon I desperately want to keep; where Squirrelflight comes to fetch her daughter.

(more reason to just say this is replacing The Flood Episode from canon lmao)

It's such an interesting moment, and so forgotten. In a nutshell, Squilf is both furious and concerned that her kit went missing and meddled in another Clan's affairs, but... understands the impulse.

Because it's something she would have done.

So when she scolds Hollypaw, there's this aching feeling that she's scolding a younger version of herself. Calling her arrogant and disloyal, that an apprentice's opinions mean less, and that she needs to listen to "older and wiser" warriors within her own Clan.

In BB, I want to do something big with this. Firestar is the figurehead of Fire Alone, who encouraged Hollypaw's behavior through his deputy, Brackenfur, who he set as her mentor for a reason.

But Squirrelflight is being abused. By Brambleclaw.

This is one of the lowest points in Squirrelflight's life, and she is walking a line between self-worth, the warrior code, and her personal beliefs, just like her daughter is.

SO, since I'm already using Brambleclaw's enabling of Ashfur's physical abuse as one of the contributing factors to Hollyleaf's descent, I ALSO want to show how he acts on other characters.

Brambleclaw, Clan Culture, the pressures of their strength-obsessed social system. So it's gotta be Squirrelflight that reminds her, or even plants the seed in her head;

"What you did isn't consistent with the Warrior Code."

Maybe even have Mistystar herself state this earlier, to be echoed by Squirrelflight, offering an alternate perspective to Hollypaw. Make her realize that ThunderClan's political leanings are not universal or even popular.

But when Hollypaw comes back to ThunderClan, whoever set her to be a snoop wants her to spill the beans. This is also a big WIP part, as Hollypaw struggles with if she's going to obey or not, and I still need to set all the political "players" in this moment.

I know for sure, though, that Firestar's IMMEDIATE desire is to meddle like it's an episode of Scooby-Doo. Though he's savvy enough to be smart about how he phrases it and what actions he takes, his ultimate goal is to put his little cheeto-dust paws all over this. And Hollypaw is starting to question how appropriate that actually is.

This is where it starts to really be a rip in Holly's mind. Clans aren't JUST big, blanket groups with united opinions, they're collections of individuals. Mistystar doesn't want meddling, but Willowpaw is in danger. Otterpaw and Lakepaw went all that time without being believed, after they watched their sister die, because they're lowly apprentices like her. Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw are angry and disappointed, while Firestar and Brackenfur are secretly lathering her in praise.

Now imagine me standing in front of a big board where I'm writing ??? because there's a missing chunk here.

I need to connect THIS part to what comes next, which is where ThunderClan DOES come in and help out. Here's the thought process going on in RiverClan;

Willowpaw comes in to do something important. She adores Hollypaw, knows her value as a Cleric, and knows that StarClan can sway Mistystar.

I want her to have a couple of pieces of a vision... BUT. She decides to interpret it in a way that's convenient, and add a few details.

It's not a tooootal lie lmao. It's just 75% true.

This is the true power of Clerics, when they realize it. No one can actually challenge them without just ignoring them or stripping them of power. They are accountable to StarClan alone.

A mentor simply doesn't say this out loud to their apprentice. It's a quiet secret. And Willowpaw just realized it.

and thinking about it... this should be the thing that finally breaks the budding romance Holly and Willow had. Holly is sickened by this, when Willow confesses how she convinced RiverClan to work with ThunderClan.

But, without even being a full Warrior, the apprentice leverages her power as Cleric of RiverClan, and 200 skill points of Improv Acting, to tell them these things;

"StarClan is so angry with us that they've sent a hog to the water! It's why they've sent a ThunderClan apprentice, we must work with them to eliminate the beast that lurks in our waters. With spears and plans, we must hunt it honorably!"

(Mistystar is defensive, but it's not known why) "We haven't disobeyed StarClan in any way. We'd already accepted their help once before, when sickness drove us to weakness, and it's only let them think they can disrespect our borders as they please. This can't be the holy will of our ancestors."

"It's-- We've been disrespecting this bountiful new land that they've so generously given us. That's what the pile of shells in my dream was. Think about it! The last attack was on the shore where we collect mussels. The second attack was on a cat latched to a raft, and it was only the tether that saved them. And the first..."

IVE GOT AN IDEA, Robin, Lake, and Otter WEREN'T clamming when they were attacked. She gestures over to Lake, knowing that if she doesn't back her up, the theory crumbles.

(Otter is in the Cleric's den, unconscious.)

Lake hesitates, not wanting to lie. Willow jumps back in,

"It's why Otterpaw was attacked," does those little jazz-hands to be like 'come in bitch work with me,' "And it's why Lakepaw has to be involved in killing it, to end what she started, and appease StarClan."

Lakepaw more like I LIKE-what-you-just-saidpaw, "It's true, we were so ashamed to admit it, Mistystar, this is all MY fault, I wanted my siblings to dig up mussels, PLEASE let me atone by stabbing the fish to death"

AND AFTER THAT IT'S NOODLIN' TIME

Mistystar, begrudgingly, accepts Firestar's help, or perhaps reaches out to him. Ripwater is a "Hog in the Lake," a beast too big for them to kill honorably on their own.

ThunderClan is the ONLY Clan that uses spears, and only for boar hunts. To protect themselves and to give their quarry a quicker death.

No other Clan touches weapons for dishonor reasons, as they're heavily associated with the demon Shredtail.

I should have Willowpaw explain her half-truth to Hollypaw here, and it's where Hollypaw just... so very suddenly can't look at Willowpaw the same way.

Jaypaw would definitely face an ableist moment from someone, but it's going to have to be one of those times where he accepts that there IS a very real limit to his ability here. Spears are range-weapons and his whiskers don't reach that far. He can't tell where he's stabbing, and the water is going to make it too hard to smell where Ripwater's dangerous mouth is. He can't be chosen for this hunt.

Meanwhile Lionpaw learns from Willowpelt how to make a spear and it is one of the most satisfying things he's ever done in his life, he's like "this is so awesome oh my god i love weapons"

just gently setting up that he's going to eventually become ThunderClan's head of hunting, and also that he's a lil violent

I feel like him and Lakepaw should hit it off a little because they both think the idea of stabbing a fish in the face is super cool, only for someone to growl at them that they shouldn't be enjoying themselves so much

Maybe Blackclaw, fuck that guy

(absolute tangent but BB!Lionblaze is kind of evolving into a little dork and I love that for him. Local himbo only capable of making friends or enemies, all Clanwide opinions on him are polarized, more at 11)

THE PLAN

So how DO they kill that thing? First of all, it's all about strategy.

Immediately they started making a couple of specialized spears. Most spears they make are exclusively for boar-hunting, so they have a distinctive "lug" that prevents a boar from impaling itself down the shaft to get you.

Someone in RiverClan explains that you don't want a fish having the chance to get off a claw. If Ripwater escapes, they might not find her again until she kills someone else

The solution is that these need to be custom-made, with special claw-shaped prongs, so they're chevron ^ shapes instead of tear-drop points. They stab in, and don't pull out.

So they need to make spears from scratch, which is an intensive process, and they don't have time to waste. RiverClan doesn't want to hunt by water that has a chance of having a freshwater orca spawn and drag you in; they'll starve

And there's only so many artisans in TC that can MAKE spears. Glue, twine, shafts, blades... these are all things that take hours of labor to create.

And MORE IMPORTANTLY, they realized from the Raft Rescue that a tether, attached to a floating object, can be very useful. Each weapon has rope tied through it and is tethered to a raft-- which is even MORE intensive, RiverClan had to repurpose several nets to create so many lines, and they only own three rafts, so the rest have driftwood.

So they only have time to create 3 special water-spears, and bring in 2 modified boar-spears.

Lionpaw is like visibly disappointed he can't have one lmao

The only apprentice given a spear is... Lakepaw. And it's a boar-spear

Because she's gonna be bait. They believe the litter is cursed for their "sin" and she'll be the next target.

But still, they chum up the water near the last sighting with blood and crowfood, like hog slop, and wait.

(Heavy WIP stuff here as we get to a play-by-play I haven't fully figured out yet)

Their plan is to get it on the shore as quickly as possible.

Four cats could pull Otterpaw from its mouth, so 5 spearcats and a dozen strong warriors could pull it onto the shore. Surely.

shorely.

It comes as expected, lunging at Lakepaw. She leaps back and tries to use her spear on it, but she is NOT properly trained with it, she stabs its face, but can't break the skull

RiverClan manages to toss a net at the beast, but it's NOT heavy enough

And they managed to get LAKEPAW with it, pressing her to the beast, her spear is dropped into the water

Someone shouts that it swims like an eel, able to just reverse course unlike a REAL fish which must turn

In the panic, warriors start mobbing it.

she thrashes, and splashes and the net is barely holding her back at all

She smashes a warrior with her tail, buffs another with her powerful head

She's stabbed in her side by a ThunderClan warrior (probably Sandstorm), and she turns on the raft they're standing on, breeching and SMASHING it to bits. Lionpaw and the rest of the cats on this raft get dunked

In the water, ThunderClan cats are useless, and RiverClan cats can't properly handle spears.

Someone from RiverClan, probably Blackclaw, tries to free Lakepaw but is scooped up in Ripwater's mouth.

He's screeching and yowling and trying to hold onto its upper jaw, regularly cut off as she dives under

When Willowpelt gets her spear in, she holds onto that damn stick with her LIFE, getting swung around and dunked in the water and then going back up into the air

Thornclaw, holding the other boar-spear, aims for its tail

But it's not enough; Even with several warriors of RiverClan, five spears, a net, and the weight of the two remaining rafts, Ripwater's managing to pull them towards the depths

She's too big to bite, too large to claw, and too strong to hold down

LIONPAW TIME

He grabs the spear that Lakepaw dropped

Ripplepaw seems to zoom right passed him, running away from the fish. He thinks he must be some kind of coward, the fight's NOT OVER YET!! WE NEED TO HELP LAKEPAW

(In a later draft I might have Lionpaw be on the smashed raft, and Ripplepaw brings the spear to him before turning and bolting back to shore. Either way he doesn't explain himself)

He paddles near one of the rafts, and is pulled up onto it

Firestar calls him a WONDERFUL BOY for bringing the spear

Lionpaw mumbles something enthusiastic around the stick in his mouth, wriggles his butt, and jumps back into the water

Grabbing the net sticking to Ripwater and using it like tree bark, he pulls himself on

Bites the spear by the lug like a handle

And stabs it in like a knife

But it's already starting to pull out, too shallow

Filled with anger and resolve, he bites the shaft, and PUSHES

Harder and harder and harder until there's a crackle, the twine breaks loose, and the lug snaps

The rest of the spear slips in as if Ripwater's made of butter

Figuring that's probably deep enough, he lets go of the net, breaching the surface, sputtering and hacking

He's about to dive again to go get Lakepaw, but to his surprise, she breaks the water next to him

and then he feels the fish bump his paws

His name is called from the shore, and there's Hollypaw and Ripplepaw waving. Ripplepaw TOOK HIS SPEAR'S ROPE. Like a GUY WHO THINKS.

Now there was a team of cats on the shore, all the spent warriors who got thrown off, pulling Ripwater to the shore.

And from the feeling of slimy fish under his paws, it seemed like her fight had been all but spent.

And more cats were swimming to shore now, with the ropes attached to the other spears.

Once on the shore, they're able to discover that, tragically, Blackclaw has died. Mistystar in particular looks deeply torn by this, as their relationship was notoriously toxic. But still, he had been the father of her children, and drowned trying to save a Clanmate. She jumps up onto the massive fish, giving a speech about sacrifice, how Blackclaw and Robinpaw would be honored, and that RiverClan has learned its valuable lesson.

Ripwater was symbolic; it's the greed they had unleashed upon the lake by over-exploiting one resource. From now on, they would be respectful of StarClan's bounty. She thanks ThunderClan for helping to fulfill a prophecy, and offers that their debt be repaid by splitting the meat of the hunt.

Hollypaw, internally: "Oh she's doing that on purpose. She knows ThunderClan hates fish and it would be rude to refuse."

Firestar: "well. how could we refuse."

Sandstorm, quietly, in the distance: "easily actually ew"

CLOSING STUFF

I kinda want some kind of "epilogue festival" where the two Clans legitimately celebrate with a somewhat somber meal sharing. Some of these episodes in Po3 will result in lasting traditions and holidays that are celebrated annually.

At that little "fish festival," it works for Holly to officially break it off with poor Willow, to leave this episode off on a bit of a sad note.

This was one of the first times Lionpaw's power becomes obvious, and it's the sort of thing that wasn't really noticed. I figure it would be good for Lakepaw to ask how that lug snapped, she could barely even get the spearhead in. Lionpaw just brags and says it must be because he's SUPER STRONG.

For some reason he's just making a ton of friends whenever I write these out, I think I'm going to lean into it. Lionpaw's got friends when he's a kid lmao, starts losing them over time as he gets more violent.

It's probably because I really need a comic relief in The Three's dynamic. Hollypaw is very dramatic, Jaypaw is dealing with legitimately stressful social issues, and Lionpaw is violent. Someone has to lighten the mood up a little and it's probably because he's The California Girl himself lmao

At this fish festival he also discovers fish isn't actually that bad. Everyone's being weird about this. It's not really that slimy. It's got a strong taste but that's kinda nice, actually?

Could use some berries but like... "damn why don't we do this more often. this would go great with blackberries."

Ripplepaw: "You think so? I can taste sweetness, can I try to make it at home and tell you how it works out at the next Gathering?"

Lionpaw: "It's not hard, you just mash the berries and stew them in a little water before pouring it over your meat. I learned it from Willowpelt, she's got a mad sweet tooth."

Lakepaw: "No offense Lionpaw, but I always thought you were a total lunkhead. I never thought you'd like, cook?"

Lionpaw: "I mean not really, I'm an awful cook, I can just make simple stuff. Willowpelt's just nice enough to be patient with me, my mentor Ashfur says if I can learn something anyone can, haha."

Just a nice little moment for him.

Blackclaw is being mourned in the mortal plane, but secretly, getting a SCATHING trial up in StarClan. His death was heroic, but his ENTIRE LIFE was treacherous.

From teaching Hawkfrost to follow in his father's pawsteps, to joining him in WindClan's Civil War, and his constant arguing and undermining of Mistyfoot back when she was just a deputy trying to do the right thing.

He goes on trial for a bunch of things he did in TigerClan, too, facing his victims who took his misdeeds to their graves. He's not the only cat in RiverClan who is getting a review like this.

Leopardstar is already in the Dark Forest, and soon, Blackclaw's sent there too.

I decided to kill off Blackclaw here so he could have a VERY cool Land Mar;

(context: all Dark Forest demons now get a cool little evil playset area just for them, where they spawn into after they're thrown out of StarClan. These are called Land Mars)

It's still unnamed, but it's basically an even BIGGER Ripwater. It goes above and below the river and lakes of the Dark Forest, popping up in any body of water big enough to hold her.

[askstormscall]

*Destino approaches the Lugia with a relaxed, arrogant saunter.* Destino: Well wel well, Susano. Susano. *They play around with the sound of Susano's name on their tongue, trying different pronounciations.* Mind if I call you Susy? I'm sure you don't. Now, I'm out here trying to understand why your kind is considered some sort of God. I've had encounters with others of your species and I just don't see it. Sure, you've got some size to you and I'm sure you're all powerful and stuff. But why on this planet does that make you some sort of God? Honestly, I feel I'm far more deserving of the title. At least I'd use my god status for something useful other than standing around looking intimidating. I'd actually get other Pokémon to do things for me. Fully embrace the whole worshipping thing, you know Susy?

A wonderful dream... shattered by the irksome voice of an interloper.

"Mind if I call you Susy?"

The wind has gotten still, darkened clouds mounting ominously. A singular gold gaze becomes seething hot, intense with a glow of power as they glare down the Absol.

The Pokemon spoke with a nonchalant tone, acted familiar with them.

The disrespect.

Cold words intruded upon the Absol's mind. An oppressive, domineering voice filled every crevice.

Are you challenging me?

Laughable even. But the Lugia was not one for jokes. This one sounded no different than the others.

With swiftness, Susano tightly grasped Destino in their Psychic wing. The winds whipped wildly around them, swirling to form harsh gales.

My kin only contains a fraction of what I can do.

You desire a taste of godhood? THEN YOU SHALL HAVE IT!!!

"HAVE ONE OF YOUR GODS SCAPE YOU OFF OF MY ISLAND! SHOULD I RETURN FROM MY MORNING AFFAIRS AND STILL FIND YOU HERE... I WILL PERMANENTLY ERASE YOU!"

@ask-the-royal-absol ( Guest art by @asksavel )

[falconscales]

I'd love to hear your headcanons!

Another one I have is vampirekin e1 Fwhip

His dragon ness gives him sharp teeth which help with kin dysphoria

@codfather

Vampirekin e1 fWhip, I love that.

Okok I have a lot and some of them have reasons and some are just because I like it.

Parrot therian Grian is one I've written about multiple times and love. Same with dragonkin Martyn.

I also loveee werewolfkin Ren (sometimes I like the idea that he's a dog hybrid but also just Regular Guy who wears clip on ears and tail to help with species dysphoria.)

Aviankin e1 Scott, he decorates his elytra with shed owl feathers to look like feathery wings.

Cow therian e2 Jimmy, I like to think he makes fake horns and glues them onto his hat. He also likes to wear darker colored shoes to look like hooves.

Back to Grian again I like the idea of parrot therian Grian becoming a Watcher just to get wings and then dipping immediately after (I actually have a fic in my docs with this concept I've been working on occasionally)

Elfkin e2 Scott. He wears those fake elf ear things that you can get on Amazon or Etsy (that I also have to get for myself)

Dryadkin Cleo, she likes to decorate her hair and skin with different plants to give the effect that they're growing from her

Cervitaurkin Gem, she makes or gets an antler headband and/or a deer ear headband

Goat and butterfly therian Doc, he likes to add different modifications on him for all of his kintypes (he also makes things such as mechanical wings or tails etc for the other alterhuman members of the server)

You've gotten me into the idea of humankin e1 Joel and e2 Lizzie it's such a fun idea

Griffinkin Wels and wyvernkin Hels. (Specifically Warcraft wyverns) because I think them being the opposite kind of otherkin would be funny. You get cloned and not only is he evil his kintype is the "opposite" of your own.

Endermankin Xisuma, I don't have any reasoning I just like it

Glarekin Bdubs for pretty obvious reasons. I also think it'd be fun if he was glarekin AND phantomkin. He has to sleep once the sun goes down but You Also Have To Go To Sleep (<- more or less based on my own phantom headcanons where they just try to get you to sleep and that's why they attack when you don't sleep for a while.)

Harpykin False because I think it'd be cool. Her harpy kintype would resemble an eagle

[malorydaily]

Malory tells us repeatedly that Igrayne was a “passyng good woman,” and holds her up as a model of proper feminine behavior, reasserting the idealized and absolute dependence of women upon men in the chivalric project. Upon learning that her husband has not only been killed, but also passed away hours before her sexual encounter with Uther in the likeness of Cornwall, Igrayne “mourned pryvely and held hir pees” (9.30); she offers no objection when the nobles of the land decide to wed her to Uther, the man responsible for the death of her husband; when Uther reveals to her his deception and that he is in fact the father of the child she is carrying, Malory tells us that “Thenne the quene made grete joye whan she knewe who was the fader of her child” (10.31–32); and upon the death of Uther, her second husband, Malory relates that as was the case with the passing of her first, “fayre Igrayne made grete sorowe and alle the barons” (12.10). Igrayne stands out as the exemplary female in Malory’s text, quickly and silently adapting to the needs and wants of the men who fight over and exchange her.

When word comes that Cornwall has been defeated by Uther’s forces, Malory tells us that “alle the barons by one assent prayd the kynge of accord betwixe the lady Igrayne and hym” (9.31–32), to which request the king accedes and charges Sir Ulfius to make the arrangements for the wedding. As with the decision to attack Cornwall, the king’s subsequent marriage is represented as not only the result of his own personal desire, but also as an act that will fulfill some perceived need of the community over which he presides; it is a body of—again, significantly male—nobles who comes to this decision. Just as she became the largely silent object of the erotic triangle of king, duke, and lady, Igrayne is the silent corner once again in the development of a plan to reincorporate Cornwall into Uther’s larger kingdom: “‘Now wille we doo wel,’ said Ulfyus; ‘our kyng is a lusty knyght and wyveles, and my lady Igrayne is a passynge fair lady; it were grete joye unto us all and hit myghte please the kynge to make her his quene.’ Unto that they were all well accordyd and meved it to the kynge. And anone, lyke a lusty knyghte, he assentid therto with good wille, and so in alle haste they were maryed in a mornynge with grete myrthe and joye” (9.36–39, 10.1–4).

While the king’s assent to the will of his people is important to the re- establishment of order, Igrayne’s explicit consent is deemed unnecessary for the act of reintegrating her first husband’s realm into that of her second. Igrayne is the gift, an object that is exchanged for peace, property, and a means of establishing male homosocial bonds within this patriarchal, kin-based social order. In a striking example of community solidarity, several other important unions are consecrated at the same time that Uther and Igrayne are wed: “And kynge Lott of Lowthean and of Orkenay thenne wedded Margawse . . . and kynge Nentres of the land of Garlot wedded Elayne: al this was done at the request of kynge Uther. And the thyrd syster, Morgan le Fey, was put to scole in a nonnery. . . . And after she was wedded to kynge Uryens of the lond of Gore” (10.5–12). This is the first time that the theme of wedding proliferation occurs in Malory; the text insistently repeats this pattern, each time pointing to the importance of such unions in affirming social bonds and the critical role that women play in this exchange and alliance of power and kinship.

Silently, passively, obediently, women are circulated or “gifted” away— by, to, and for men—serving, in their transfer from one male to another, to reinforce and strengthen the homosocial ties that bind the Arthurian community together. Wedding proliferation supports and reinforces the validity of those institutions; the occurrence of these other marriages at the same time as Uther and Igrayne’s sanctions the king’s actions. At the same time, King Lot and King Nentres derive for their own unions important significance in that they are connected in a special way with the power and status of King Uther. Each of these marriages affirms and increases the significance of the other, and a double benefit is derived: for the community, which is strengthened through this act of solidarity, and for each of the individuals of this community, who derive for themselves some mea- sure of extra power and influence through their participation in this socially important ritual.

– Dorsey Armstrong, Gender and the Chivalric Community in Malory's Morte D'Arthur

[tissueshasmajorissues]

heyyyy azk me ztuff :333

may be ooc but oh wel (i kin him so i hope this works out!)

i hav WAY too much zpare time! Pleaze interact!

hoiiii yez i am tizzues. !!

it/they (or he/him, i don't mind.)

nzfw dni plzzz >m< im a minor and i REALLY dont veel like zeeing that zhit

zhipping queztionz r allowed,,, juuuzt dont take it TOO var.

I LOVEEE DRAWING ZO MUCHH!! like ill draw vor you all you gotta do iz azk

i really relly like vocaloid zongs & muzic in general. and. and. i like will wood. pleaze azk me about muzic. pleaze.

[444namesplus]

abl aci acr age aid aki ala all als alt ami ana ann ant ape arc are arm ato aun aur aut avi awa axi bab bac bai bak bal ban bar bas bat bea bec bee bel ben bes bet bia bik bil bin bir bit ble blo blu boa bod boi bol bom bon boo bor bos bot bou bow bra bre bro buc bul bum bur bus but buz caf cag cak cal cam can cap car cas cav cel cen cha che chi cho cit cla cli clu coa coc cod coi cok col com con coo cop cor cos cou cov cra cre cro cub cul cur cut dal dam dar das dat daw day dea deb dec dee del dem den des dia dic die dir dis div doc doe dol dom don doo dos dov dow dra dre dro dru dua duc duf duk dul dum dus dut eac ear eas eat ech edg edi els env epi eur eve evi exa exi exp eye fac fad fai fak fal fam far fas fat fea fee fel fil fin fir fis fiv fla fle fli flo flu foa foi fol fon foo for fou fre fro fuc fue ful fun fur fus gai gal gam gan gat gav gaz gea gen gif gil gir giv gla gle glo glu goa goe gol gon goo gor gow gra gre gri gro gul gur hai hal han har hat hau hav haw hea hee hei hel her hid hig hik hil hin hir hol hom hoo hop hor hos hou hug hul hun hur hyp ico ide idl ido inc inf int iri iro isl ite jac jai jak jan jav jaz jea jee jil joe joh joi jok jos jum jun jur jus kee kem ken kep kha kic kil kin kir kis kit kne kni kno koh kyl lac lad lai lak lam lan las lat lav law laz lea lef len les lev lie lif lik lil lim lin lio lis liv loa loc lof log lon loo lor los lou lov luc lum lun lur lus mad mai mak mal mam man mar mas mat may maz mea mee meg mel mem men mer mes mic mik mil min mis moc mod mol mon moo mor mos mov muc mus myt nai nam nav nea nec nee nes new nex nic nin nod non noo nor nos not nov nud nut oat obe odd odo oka onc onl ont ope ora ott our ova ove pac pag pai pal pap par pas pat pea pec pee pes pic pie pik pil pin pip pit pla ple plo plu poe pol pon poo pop por pos pou pra pre pro pul pum pun pur pus qui rac rag rai ram ran rap rar ras rat rav rea ree rel ren res ric rid rin rio rip ris rit roa roc rod rol roo rop ros rub rud rui rul rus rut sac saf sag sai sak sal sam san sav sca sco sea see sel sem sen sep sex sha she shi sho shu sic sid sig sil sin sit siz ski sla sli slo sna sno soa sod sof soi sol som son soo sor sou spa spi spo spu sta ste sti sto suc sui sun sur swa swi tac tai tak tal tan tap tas tax tea tec tee tel ten ter tes tex tha the thi tho thu tic tid tie til tim tin tir tob tol tom ton too top tor tos tou tow tra tre tri tro tru tub tuc tun tur twi typ ugl uni upo urg use vai var vas vei ver ves vet vic vie vin vis voi vot wad wag wai wak wal wan war was wat wav way wea wee wel wen wer wes wha whe whi who wid wif wil win wip wir wis wit wok wol woo wor wra yan yar yea you yua zer zin zon zoo

[kintelephone]

i’m Evil Xisuma from Hermitcraft. i have memories (and a ton of them) but I’m not looking for exact canon mates, just source mates in general because the intensity of kin stuff in general has gotten pretty harsh. i miss Xisuma, Wels, Hels, and (sorta) the NHO [Etho, Bdubs, Doc, and Beef] really really bad so uh :/ if you guys could reply, that’d be great. any technically noncanon “Helsmits” are welcome as well! did some stuff (in my canon at least) that i wanna apologize for too

under 18, so keep that in mind! just no one over 22, i guess. interact w/ this post in some way and i’ll get in touch ASAP

<3

[420technoblazeit]

Can I use one of your posts for an incorrect Homestuck quote

jesus hcrist. yeah ok yeah. i guess so. if ur goign to kin assign me karkat u might as wel ldo it in style

[ok-ish-hermitcraft-headcanons]

so I kin welskight

and projection is allowed here

so projection time!! Welsknight has a really bad lazy eye and he needs to wear glasses for it but he doesn't very often bc he doesn't like the aesthetic and wearing for long amounts of time makes him over stimulated Jevin will steal his glasses when wels is not wearing them becuase he likes the way it looks on him.

(totally not how me and my friend act with my glasses,, nooo)

That’s nice :}

[hermitcraftkinfessions]

I dont sleep - Wels

How dare -Mod Hels

[melancholic-entrails]

i kin chihiro but like specifically her and her relationship to alter ego

and alter ego as wel

[fictionkinfessions]

Y'know when you basically already know you kin someone, but it's one of those things where you just go "Hm! Wel we are simply not looking at that." I did that with Sammy Lawrence, except not really the game version(I have beef with that man). So I've been happily sitting in my corner of denial over kinning a heavily canon divergent Sammy. And then the Dark Revival comes out with that entire bombshell, and now I have even more to very pointedly not think about! Unpleasant!

]

[leafbatraccoon]

these were notes on my journal till yesterday but the news that we're getting the nectar-making skill with horses i figured i'd have some fun with it yet still be loud with my opinions, so i'll reblog with updates from time to time - im reposting with the original slot texts bc i was unhappy with my sleepless decision making 👍👍 | details under the cut if u wanna know but i'm a bit of a hater fyi |

longer seasons - i don't think this will happen, if miracle mods show up i might stamp them on in a different color but from what i've found it's pretty ingrained in the game that 28 days is the longest and if modders we're going to crack it they might've done it already but when im playing on pretty long life spans i just 💔💔 50+ days seasons would be the dream, but i'd be happy with 45 👀 10 outfits per category - same as before ig, this is probably super niche but i'm not satisfied and i hate having to get into cas to change it up so much bc in my head they have a closet each and i want to mix and match pieces in a realistic way 👚 pack refreshes - tbf, they did set up an expectation for that one which for the looks of it they are done with it; there's so much to fix, dine out in general, mermaids deserve some love in comparison to the other occults, updates to the bodies of water (going in the water in windenburg would be legendary), hu just bug fixes and compatiblity here and there would be nice (more hiking ? power walks in more places? its so weird how they are restricted to ONE place) now by world refreshes - i mean that in my dreams they go back and expand the maps they give us 🗺️🗺️ im greedy and want 2 neighbourhoods for my vampires & spellcasters, a lil more space in moonwood mill, granite falls & del sol valley too why not not gonna happen so i can say wtv an extra space in mt komorebi with apartments and since we're at it in san sequoia too; will def not happen working gallery - ig that might be coming too ?? idk my gallery sucks at times like it wont find any results when there are ?? and i know there are bc if i restrict more it might come up with something?? also just wanted better mechanism for the searches, i never had issues with disturbing content showing up tho so idk i heard some simmers weren't so lucky

bigger households - having to control or monitor 8 human/humanish sims is challeging enough but because pets, because having to fake apartments, because reasons; i use mccc but this workaround brings issues in cas so yea, wishlist ✔️ snakes // lizards - this would've been appropriate to launch with horses imo and i'd love if there had been interaction/compatibility from snakes in the wild and those taller friends & other small pets - small pet options in ts4 are non existent, sorry, birds only exist in that one tree (they are probably happy about not being captive actually), bunnies are also wild (personally im fine with it but i know that its a popular pet so i'd love if it was an option), reptiles don't exist (yet) and rodents are exclusive to the slap-in-the-face-of-this-community pack... 🐁🐇🐢🦎🐍🐦🐜 faeries or other fae kin - i feel like they've hinted at it for quite a while and we've seen it show up in quizzes too?? 🧚‍♀️ so i'm hopeful for this one and hope they are just trying to make sure they properly deliver on it bc there's a lot of fantasy enthusiasts and they deserve it & woodland creatures - personally would love it if the fae pack came with woodsy world and the addition of woodland creatures at least the spiritual kind (like unicorns or a white doe which they possibly alluded to with puzzles - it made me real giddy) bonus points if it has some outdoor retreat compatibility

owning more lots - after winning the lottery or keeping up with a family for generations, sims can accumulate quite a lot of money, there's not a lot of expenses in the life of a sim tbh, travelling only costs one loading screen, gardeing makes you rich and thats ok ig but being able to own a holiday house would be welcomed, not just a business 🏘️ nectar making - when tartosa came but no nectar making i was a bit let down, imagine making or acquiring a special batch for your wedding?? it would've been lovely and appropriate for a wedding pack but ... yeah anyway it comes with the horse pack for some reason so at least it's coming, and only 3 years after juice fizzing 🥂 bands and more instruments - another thing they've hinted at in polls and i kinda wished it to come with HSY yet was not surprised it didn't; that being said we need drums and other instruments like bass and/or contrabass, just more than what we have if we're to have bands plz skating and/or surfing - these two are very different and honestly idk how the latter one would work, i just think they are popular sports we could have; at least skate boards should be easy enough to implement and a cute way for sims to drift around their closed off worlds so i have more hope for that one 🏄

hotels - even if they've been around the franchise and ts4 seems to draw all it's ideas from previous iterations i'm not confident they haven't just been replaced by rental properties but it's not the same, i'd like to be able to meet other guests vacationing on the property without having to engineer everything about it, ordering meals at hotel services and running/owning a hotel also; retirement homes - ELDER SIM LOVE IN GENERAL (canes, health issues, idk im not that old yet ..hum wills & testiments, special interactions) i feel growing together really fucked up on that one but i was not surprised bc it's ts4 and we rely on crumbs mods here and thats why some players stop buying dlc 👵☕👴 the townie refreshes - just pay some fans to do it at this point bc it's taking so long; most of them don't need to be redesigned anyway, just add hot and cold weather outfits, preferences and maybe a sneaky extra trait or lifestyle they could have developed and voilá, finish that chapter disabilities - i don't want it in the form of traits and thing it's rotten to make people to pay for it BUT i'd love to see some disability representation in this game, physical, cognitive and what not. i understand at this point it might be hard to introduce but i think it be really important to have this in the sims and ts4 is about time funerals & cemeteries - death is a part of life, this is a life sim... thats it basically, i want it, i miss it in comparison to previous games, i fake it with parks and inviting guests over, but we shouldn't have to tho seems pretty basic stuff

more and better apartments - i would like it if we saw more conjoined builds, more apartment builds, both with few floors and plenty, the option to have sims living in different floors of the same building and even having business or community lots in builds that are divided into multiple lots - ambitious ik - bonus points if they update apartments in a way you can own one or more and rent them out - i don't want to play as a landlord, i swear - i just want my sims to be allowed do simbnb while they go for a weekend in the city (which ig u cant bc of the current system/coding idk) or bringing them to more existing worlds but bc of the obstacles to that i have 0 hopes well-crafted worldly words - i see a lot of americancentric choices being made when creating the worlds, it's unrealistic for a global player base and hum.. a life sim and whenever they drop interesting worlds they are always so frigging small you have to sacrifice making a lively town, with people and businesses, if you want you're sim to live in certain environments (or use multibuilds, which is fine ig but it bothers me a bit) and they fail to utilize the common spaces of the neighbourhoods in ways simmers would love to, to bring some life into these worlds; 🌍 the worldly part of it... i am yet to see african like climates and cultures represented, asia is so wide & full of diversity and we get one japan inspired world so far, south america if confined to a destination world if you don't have mods ig (maybe it's changed by now im not sure) and europe while being represented in 3 packs so far - and one of them being the best in terms of lots per world we've had so far - 2 of them have few lots and its all very niche, so in a way i don't need to be able to point to the actual cities that inspired those worlds, it's not my priority just something that crowded and lively that draws from wider range of cultures and that mre people could recognize as close to their experience would be nice 🌏 also more islands maybe im a sulani simp new jobs & careers - i love GTW, it was the first pack i got and sure it deserved a refresh by now and i would welcome it, especially if it meant more careers, i really liked that gameplay feature; that being said i feel like we deserve more job options OR branches. y no dentist ??? i cant think of ideas right now but while playing the game and setting up townies or sims i feel limited a lot trans content fixes - yea i avoid using the in-game system for trans rep (i headcanon a lot and cheat stuff basically) bc its just not the best in general (clothes fit weird, there's no changes in the frame through time as there would be with hormonal treatments - which there arent in the game so makes sense), not in comparison bc i dont know other games to compare it to just real life ig but im not even that informed tbh; i am happy they didnt create a life sim where trans people are erased and don't want them to be discouraged to stop investing in this at all so i try not to mention it but fix the binder at least & here's a tumblr post that helps me a bit something that surprises me - /pos !! because... they don't... a lot of what we see seems to me like repeating the content ideas from older games but spreading it out to make as much dlc as possible; i had a lot of more wow reveal moments with ts2 & ts3 i feel like but cant truly be sure bc brain is mush

[pyxsys]

《☆》Pinned《☆》

Welcome to our collective Tumblr! Depending on if you're from our individual accounts or Twitter/elsewhere you may or may not know some of our individual Tumblrs here. Those won't be shared here though :)

P.S. if you're coming from Twitter! Don't scroll through our posts, thanks. Also here's a good guide post for you for some mcyt fandom stuff

Basic info:

>Sys name - The Pyxis System, shortened to Pyxsys

>We're an OSDD-1b system, loosely labeled fictive-heavy

>Our collective name is Pyx, however, do not call us that here. Please refer to specific alters by name on here. (If the front says only blurry/unsure, you can say Pyx. For directly referring to any of us on this blog, you are not to say Pyx.)

>Our collective pronouns are he/him or plural they/them, but again, also use individual pronouns.

>Our alter list can be found here

>Everyone will sign off posts and asks with their respective proxy, everyone having their own txt tag as well ([emoji.txt]) ((if we're blurry and unsure of who's main fronting the tag will just be [pyx.txt]))

>The front is listed in our bio/description, the most main fronter will be in brackets

>Trigger/content warning tag format - // topic

>Asks are tagged with [ask], reblogs are tagged with [(alter emoji)reblog] (e.x. [🃏reblog])

>Default to using tone tags, only basic ones are needed and not super often, friends don't really need to use them because we know your tones well enough

DNI:

Basic/usual criteria (anti-LGBTQ+, any form of bigotry, terfs/transmeds, etc.) , Anti-system/kin/irl , Endos/nontraumagenics and supporters , If you use the terms sysmed, trauma scum, or narcissist abuse, use narcissist or psychopath as derogatory terms , Anti-cluster b , Anti-mcyt , Diehard dsmp stans, casual fans are okay , Anti-self dx

Stuff that'll be on this blog:

>Random posts about whatever (daily/life stuff, interests, etc)

>Reblogs of content relating to our interests

>Art and maybe WIPs

>Possibly vents/neg posts that will be tagged

Some of our interests include:

>Hermitcraft

>3rd/Last/Double Life

>Lifesteal SMP

>Kaboodle SMP

>Rats SMP

>The Owl House

>Revita

>Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared

>Genshin Impact

Misc notes:

>Other systems please note introject boundaries regarding doubles (check carrd)

>Singlets we don't know don't ask for specific alters

>Obviously don't judge our introjects or anything they say regarding memories or sysmates otherwise we'll block you

>We might clarify if we're referring to ccs or sysmates but we might forget, you can maybe guess based on the post content anyway

>We will be gay gay homosexual gay deal with it

>A couple individual alter notes: Jay uses a mild typing quirk (puts text in brackets [like this]), Arathain isn't super comfortable typing in English aside from translations so he'll be writing in galactic or Dutch with translations given (for some people in asks he'll reply with written notes on paper), some alters use tone tags either way less than others or rarely at all, so clarify if you need them to use tone tags with you

Other socials:

>Twitter: @/_pyxsys_ (alts: @/pyxsyspriv for sys/random stuff, @/pyxsysalt for art stuff)

>Instagram: Ask

>Discord: Pyxsys#6841

>Simply Plural: Pyxsys

>Commission info

>Individual blogs we will give out: @knights--hoard [Wels], @xprince-of-hellx [Hels], @cyrusnix [Cyrus], @jessassassin [Jesse], @revitakid [Jay], @a-bad-but-sad-boy [Hunter], @bonesburrow [Mason], @clownpierced (+@clownpiercefictive) [Pierce], @branzycrafted (+@branzyfictive) [Branzy]

Please ask for others and ask to follow blogs that you might find via the ones given. If you were given urls rather than us following you, do not scroll through our blogs, even if it's only certain tags, and do not save urls if we don't give you permission to follow.

(^This is of course irrelevant if you already follow our other blogs.)

[dagenvanonrust]

Einzelgängers deel 2: Een ander soort liefde: Hoofdstuk 5

Ik sla willekeurig een paar keer een snaar aan. De G-snaar moet wat bijgesteld worden, zoals altijd. Dan zet ik mijn vingers op de tweede fret van de A en D-snaar en speel het E-mineur-akkoord. Ik kijk Luna aan. Ze zit in kleermakerszit op de vloer, haar kin steunend op haar handen en kijkt me bewonderend en verwachtingsvol aan, en weer voel ik die liefde waarvan ik nooit had gedacht die nog eens te mogen ervaren. Ik speel opnieuw de E-mineur en begin het eerste nummer te spelen dat me te binnen schiet, dus vervolgens speel ik het D-akkoord, dan een C en nogmaals een D, en voor ik het goed en wel besef ga ik helemaal op in mijn gitaarspel en neurie zachtjes de zanglijn van het nummer dat ik schreef in een periode dat niets meer ging, niets meer lukte, en ik voor het eerst voelde hoe het is om helemaal alleen te zijn. 

Tot mijn verbazing begin ik nu echt te zingen, niet bijzonder luid, maar wel met de overtuiging van de persoon die ik vroeger was, voordat alles mis ging en ik nog onbevreesd op podia durfde te staan, en ik zing de eerste strofe: 

When I was lost and broken beyond repair 

You were the only one that seemed to care

The castles we built went up in air

And now I know there’s no one there

Now that you’re gone I can’t forget

The way you looked, your face all red

Eyes filled with tears spoke of regret

I still hear all the things you said

Ik speel een geïmproviseerd instrumentaal stukje met octaaf-akkoorden, maar wanneer ik aan het refrein wil beginnen, merk ik dat mijn stem meer en meer begint te beven en krijg ik het gevoel dat mijn keel opzwelt, maar ik ga dapper door, en ik zing: 

I loved you more when we were strangers

And I couldn’t see behind the mask

…

En dan, midden in het refrein, voel ik de tranen opkomen. Mijn handen beginnen te trillen en de gezichten van iedereen die ik mis, iedereen die ik gaandeweg mijn leven heb verloren, flitsen voor mijn ogen en ik vraag me af waarom ik dat zomaar heb laten gebeuren. 

En net zoals Corey Taylor brak voor een zaal vol mensen toen hij zijn nummer Snuff speelde, breek ik in mijn slaapkamer voor de ogen van het enige meisje in de wereld dat ik wil imponeren, wier liefde ik zo graag voor mij wil winnen. Alleen is mij geen publiek gegund dat het van me overneemt terwijl ik mezelf probeer te vermannen tot ik weer in staat ben het nummer verder te zetten. 

De gitaar ligt inmiddels op de grond - ze viel met een luide knal. Ik dacht dat ik een snaar hoorde springen maar zeker ben ik niet. Ik verberg mijn gezicht in mijn handen terwijl de tranen blijven komen en ik probeer mijn huilbui zo geluidloos mogelijk te houden, alsof dat enigszins zou helpen om er toch niet helemaal als een volslagen idioot uit te zien. 

Luna is inmiddels naast me komen zitten met haar armen om me heen - haar haar kriebelt in mijn neus. Dan word ik zachtjes op het bed geduwd. ‘Ben… wie heeft je toch zoveel pijn gedaan?’ 

Iedereen, wil ik zeggen, maar ik kan geen woord uitbrengen. Ik snik en schok en voel hoe Luna dicht tegen me aan komt liggen, en als stilte zou kunnen spreken, was er geen houden meer aan, geen dam die deze stroom aan woorden enigszins zou kunnen tegenhouden.

Luna slaat haar arm om me heen en drukt me stevig tegen zich aan. Ik voel haar warmte, haar adem in mijn nek, haar oprechte medeleven, haar liefde, misschien. Na me een tijdje op haar ademhaling gefocust te hebben, merk ik dat ik kalmer begin te worden. Plots ben ik vermoeider dan ooit en het lukt me niet langer mijn ogen open te houden. Ik voel hoe ik in slaap begin te vallen en ga naar waar ik nu het liefst wil zijn. Gewoon even nergens.