#what I am is melancholy

[teacupchimera]

.

[astearisms]

but it ain’t called love without a little tragedy 🍁

[madzillus]

The Dragon’s Tears

[soapywankenopy]

You know it's actually sick and twisted that Rick ended the trials of apollo series

Clearly he wasn't thinking of the needs of others (me)

[koifsssh]

some drawings i particular love from the whiteboard i hosted!

wallys... many wallys...

many drawings indeed! i was so delighted to see so many of You there! it simply warms my heart! I'll try to note all of the artists there, so im so sorry if one of you is missed!

i (again!) particularly like these drawings from @kamiiiii ! Wally's simply adorable, bwah!!! (do give her some love once you have the chance!)

very silly indeed...

ohhh Milkyway... my beloved Milkyway... perhaps i will explain them at some other time, but just know they are nestled into my heart!

(hehe art credits to @thatthirstyweirdo ! you'll probably see her around a lot i feel... you could say our arms are linked at the moment! bwahaha!)

some rainy's as well! as well as maverick's! they are very silly together i think

some oc interactions as well! i quite like playing dolls, so i have to say thank you to @chimeracarnival & @justmwahstruly !

ehehe as well as @theknifeclown and @cutepotatook !

(it may be hard to see, if it is- bwah! im sorry!)

a star club... i wonder who's the president... vice president? eheh! what a silly thought!

OH! AND!!!

IM NOT SURE WHO THIS ARTIST WAS, BUT BLESS EM THIS RAINY IS ADORABLE, RAHHHHHH.

i almost wanna eat him...

[stuckinapril]

One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps

[thedeadthree]

𝖆𝖒𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖙 𝖆𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖊 -`. 𝔟𝔤𝔦𝔦𝔦. 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔰𝔦𝔩𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔫.

MOON HALF ELF. FIGHTER. ELDRITCH KNIGHT. WIZARD. NECROMANCER. NOBLE. ❦ 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱.

[pleasantmsp]

I love Beauyasha so much. I miss them so much.

The reunion gave me so much joy and now I'm in this weird happy but melancholy state. I love the Nein so much and I want more of them. And I especially want more of Beau and Yasha. If we get a Fjorester wedding one shot, I will be stoked. But then also give me the Beauyasha wedding too!

I'm really just hoping they keep doing these little reunions cause I love the Mighty Nein so much and seeing them makes me so happy.

[sophaeros]

this song gets played so much and yet we never really talk about the fucking imagery of these lines. i am not immune to late afternoon and ghost imagery

[averlym]

4 on the angst list with Araleyn please I need them to suffer

4 : "but it's my fault, right?" (prompt list here)

[heyclickadee]

Some Hunter thoughts I can’t articulate worth shit right now but I’m going to try anyway:

There’s something about how much more withdrawn Hunter is and yet doesn’t just disappear out of everyone’s lives in season two, and I don’t know what. He’s still making calls, mostly to not get involved and keep their heads down, but those are still decisions, still trying to keep what’s left of his family safe, still trying to find ways to put food on the table, still being Omega’s dad and having an active presence in her life. He’s still going through the motions of his role.

But he doesn’t talk much, not even to Omega. All those sweet one-one-one conversations he had with her last season aren’t nearly as much of a thing. Part of that’s just because of the practicalities of storytelling; this season had more emphasis on Omega’s relationships with Echo and Tech, so a lot of those one-on-one parent-child conversations went to either Echo in the first half of the season, and Tech in the second. In fact, the only direct parent-child conversation Hunter has with Omega this season (not the only conversation he has with her, just the only one that’s one of those, “Something difficult’s happening, let me help you talk it out,” talks) is is the one at the very end of the season for which neither Echo nor Tech are present, because Echo needed to be alone and Tech’s…MIA. But it’s more than just the shift in character focus.

A lot of the Omega side of The Bad Batch story is told from Omega’s point of view. Not exclusively, there are definitely a lot of scenes and even entire episodes from other perspectives, and Crosshair is pretty much the point of view character of all the Crosshair stuff, of course, and it’s not the same as it would be if the Bad Batch were a first person novel with Omega as the narrator character, but the show does hover around Omega’s perspective a lot, at least. And one thing I do kind of like about this is that it means there’s stuff happening that we don’t see, or that we’re not seeing right now, anyway. Even if we didn’t assume that Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, and Echo were having conversations out of Omega’s earshot, we’re given enough context clues and bits and pieces (and one occasion the entirety) of conversations Omega does overhear to know that that’s the case and to sometimes get the gist of what those conversations were about. The shift in Tech’s attitude from “Replacements” to “Cornered” (from being hellbent on finishing that brain scanner, which they would need if they did go back and get Crosshair, and being the first to pipe up and say that Crosshair’s chip is probably influencing his actions in one episode to sadly noting that Crosshair won’t be needing his comm device in the next) implies that the group had a conversation about the Crosshair situation that Omega (and we) didn’t hear—or that Wrecker, Tech, and Echo realized that Hunter wasn’t going to talk about it and discussed that amongst themselves. We can guess from the interactions between Hunter and Echo this season (as well as that, “Remember what I said,” line which is so frustrating in the best way because what?? What did Hunter say to Echo???) that the, “We should be doing more,” conversation didn’t stop with the one Omega overheard.

The conversations Omega—and by extension, we—don’t hear are probably mostly the more adult ones. And by adult, I guess I should clarify—I don’t necessarily mean the “adult” in that sense, though those conversations probably happen, too. I mostly mean the difficult conversations, about the darker side of the war, how bad their situation could get, Echo deciding to leave, how close they are to flat broke, how many meals they’re going to have to skip so at least Omega can go to sleep with a full belly, that sort of thing. It’s not that they’re trying to keep Omega in the dark, exactly. Their lifestyle doesn’t allow for that luxury. But they are trying, and Hunter’s really the one trying the hardest, to build Omega a childhood out of whatever scraps they can. And part of that, for Hunter, anyway, means keeping some conversations out of Omega’s earshot.

And honestly the last few paragraphs are just a long winded way to say that because a lot of the show hovers around Omega’s perspective, if we see Hunter talking to and around Omega less, that probably means he is talking to her less in universe. This is probably off base, but I kind of think the reason is pretty similar to the reasoning I gave for why they have some conversations out of Omega’s earshot above. Hunter’s really just…not having a good time in season two; he’s depressed at best and his hunker-down-and-ignore-the-star-war-of-it-all attitude comes across as a mix of guilt (over the Crosshair situation) and trauma response. He’s lost and buckling under the pressure to lead his squad in through this strange new reality, and I honestly think that he just doesn’t want Omega to know how bad things in his head are, because she’s a child and he’s her dad/big brother and it is not her responsibility to deal with his problems (1). But he’s so, so bad at faking things, and Omega’s a perceptive kid, so instead of keeping up appearances and trying to pretend that everything’s fine all the time, he withdraws. Just a little bit.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not a season three Kanan Jarrus situation, where Kanan has to adjust to a new disability and can’t, so he falls off the face of the map (2). Hunter’s still extremely present in Omega’s life, still quizzing her on her homework, still making sure he’s there to catch her when she throws herself off a ledge, still there to look all sad and jealous when Omega starts copying Phee but trusting Omega enough not get in the way of her make a new friend, still there to grab Omega and make sure she doesn’t die in the cable car crash, and so on. He’s always sure to be there whenever she needs him. He just…doesn’t talk with her as much. He moves a quarter-step into the background. And I have some kind of feeling about that, but I’m not sure what it is.

1. This is totally off topic, but this actually one of the things I really liked about Stephen Universe, just…in reverse. I had a hard time getting into the first few seasons of the show (I know, I’m sorry) because the adult characters all sort of talked to Stephen—and each other, but mostly Stephen—like they were all trying to win at therapy, and it kind of drove me crazy. Aaaaaaand then I got to the movie and Future and it turned out that that was kind of the point. Every adult in Stephen’s life sort of used him as a live-in therapist, and it really messed him up and made it difficult to heal from his own trauma.

2. Just to be clear, I’m not dogging on Kanan here.

[woahjo]

im about to say something a little emo but bear with me pls.

i genuinely am happy being single. im okay not having a partner and not doing the things. i love having me time and i love being able to devote my time entirely to myself and my friends and i KNOW that my worth isn't contingent on having a partner or not. but sometimes man, it just gets a little hard. because it's never happened for me yet and because there's a small part of me that doesn't think it ever will. it's not because i need someone else to make me feel fulfilled. i am plenty fulfilled by my own company and by my art and by my hobbies and by my friends. i just want to love, you know? i want to experience loving someone and being loved back. i want to be able to look at someone and love their eyelashes and their smile and their nose and their chin and their shape and be able to tell them that. i want to be able to imagine a future with someone. platonic love exists too and i don't think anything will be able to replace it, but i would like to experience romantic love. i want to know what it's like to care and be cared about that way. but the problem (and the nice thing i guess?) is that im not in any real rush. i'm looking, but im not devoting my time to it, nor do i feel the need to "settle" just to experience it. but it does get incredibly isolating, especially BECAUSE i don't care much about that stuff. idk how else to explain it other than isolating. it seems like everyone i meet has dated or is dating and that seems to be what people want to talk about, while i've never really done any of those things, nor do i know what its like to be cared about that way. and while im okay with the fact that it hasn't happened yet, the insecurity creeps up constantly that it never will.

im not wording properly but it's isolating. i feel very isolated in my experience with romance and dating. and while i have limited experience (strictly sexual, which i have mixed feelings about), i feel like i am too far behind for anyone to take me completely seriously. i need to move slow and it feels to me like everyone moves so fast. at least in my country/state, it feels like "sex first, talk later" and i don't want to do that. it's an isolating experience and the lack of... idk understanding (?) or maybe willingness to learn about me when dating can sometimes make me feel like maybe people think that there is nothing worth knowing or learning.

[mmmmwaffles94]

Me, an aroace: I want to hug you and give you so many kisses. My love for you is as deep as the ocean's trenches and as vast as the shining void-filled sky. I love you. No romo.

[soldier-poet-king]

Literally went to brush my teeth and was struck by overhwleming anxiety about a hypothetical situation that might not even come to pass (I get that new job that I want and I have to tell my current boss that I'm leaving in the middle of this big project that I partially initiated & am the only person in-office currently competent enough to do it. It's not impossible, I'm writing clear guides, but they'll have to hire someone else who probably won't be as thrilled about the finnicky bits or as patient and accommodating and people pleasing with all the nonsense that goes on)

And THEN I saw/noticed smthn on tumblr that made me feel REALLY bad about myself and it's just. 👉👈 Are you mad at me? What did I do wrong? Is absolutely NOT the appropriate or mature response here so I'm gonna keep my damn mouth shut but also. Consider. I am a desperate void with abandonment issues living with the knowledge that everyone eventually gets tired of me, if I don't manage to push them away with my badness first like

Who out here living with the foundational belief that they are a fundamentally un-likeable/unlovable person, a fundamentally bad person, and beneath it all not even really A Real Person but just a gross void and that's why you can't keep any friends & will always be lonely

I can't even blame the internet bc being offline is equally lonely given the limitations of my day to day life, and it's all just different flavours of the same isolation

[compacflt]

wip wednesday: writing writing writing

[rattkween86]

Feelings post.