#what am i witnessing rn
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Om Nom Emo
random thoughts went out of control xd
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Bonus:
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#the fairly oddparents#timmy turner#denzel crocker#aj#fop aj#fop#a new wish#fairly odd parents a new wish#fairly odd parents#my art#fanart#I have plenty more ideas to draw for this au so hopefully I could get most of these done before my next semester starts#On one hand it's good that Timmy possibly didn’t become obsessed with finding his fairy godparents after witnessing firsthand what it did t#But at the same time it must sting for them to hear their former godkid outright deny your existence ngl#Also it's 5 am over here rn I really need to sleep oh god
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thinking about the Lady again and she actually is the Character Ever.
Starting off with her design. How ridiculously simple it is, right? Her yukata is plain brown and has a single layer, her wig (and yes, I am positive what she wears is not her hair but a wig soley because of how easily it comes undone... that kind of hairstyle is meant to STICK when done with actual hair) has no decorations befitting a woman of her powerful status and her mask is nothing but... empty. You could mistake her for a mannequin and you wouldn't even be wrong. It's by design, after all: she is as insanely important, as a figure, as she is anonymous as a person.
But then, it's with amusement that you note that that boring, unexpressive mask is called the "Rascal's mask" when unlocked. It's such an oddly affectionate nickname stemming from a person so utterly despicable. And then you notice her hair. Her long, black hair that should be hidden under her wig, as the hairstyle goes, but are instead hanging out freely. Not very traditional at all, right? You could almost read it as a small act of defiance of... something. Now, what that thing is, I doubt even she knows. Maybe it's just her way to seek individuality without having to step into zones she does not want to touch.
And then, of course, the lack of shoes. It's not uncommon for people to wear slippers in the house - especially for the Japanese - but she just... doesn't. In that small, small way, she is similar to Six - and every other child in the Maw running around barefoot. Except she's above running, of course. She's got the privilege of floating like a ghost so that she may never touch the ground.
(The only time when this rule is broken is when she fights Six, poetically enough. You can see her visibly step back.)
These strange little things are the first things that push you to wonder about her as a person. Not the title, not the Lady of the Maw: the individual behind the mask. Who is that person? What is she like? Is there a way to answer these questions? I think yes, if you know where to look - but is it worth to ask these questions considering what she does?
That depends on you. Me personally, I think there is narrative worth to be found in what she has to hide. Her foil, Six, finds value in the aspects of herself she does not hide: she is very unapologetic in her selfhood. The Lady isn't, for the most part.
(I wonder if that would make her envious of her younger counterpart in a different context?)
Frankly, looking back on her choice of attire, the fact that her personal bedroom is barely decorated is not surprising. She only has the essentials: a bed, the vase with the key, a few pictures of importance (of people long forgotten, herself included no doubt) and... an ungodly amount of misplaced clothes all over her quarters. All the same yukata, repeated over and over, maniacally folded and arranged in towers, but never where they're supposed to be.
A bedroom is the reflection of yourself. Of your inner world. The fact hers looks so barebones is quite telling about who she is. Or isn't. She herself may have some trouble trying to figure that one out.
I think that, in a vacuum, it's easy to assume that the reason she's so displeased by her reflection is soley out of vanity. That is definitely part of it, but I don't think that's all there is. Because after seeing the mannequins that all look just like her, the four women in the picture who also wear her same exact clothes... and that hidden quote.
This quote, which is from Alice in Wonderland. Specifically from a conversation in which Alice expresses how she doesn't recognise herself anymore because of how many times she grew big and small during the course of the day. She is not the same person she was before entering Wonderland.
I find the way she clings to the dolls and the music box to be much more... sombre when keeping this in mind. In a way, that scene is reminiscent of Monster Six clinging to her music box in the chaos of the Tower; an attempt to attach to something safe. For the Lady, it's even more personal. Those are her toys. Her song. No one can take them from her and claim them as theirs. These materialistic tomes are physical proof of her identity. She likes dolls, and she likes to sing that song from her music box. Surely, that much is something.
But a ceramic toy and an old music box are not really enough to placate the inner turmoil. Hence the broken mirrors, the hidden statues... the hung down portraits with their eyes scratched out - from times of the past. There is a person looking back in the mirror which she does not recognise. That can't be her, right?
It isn't. The reflection is but a faux image of her outward appearence. The inside, however... much like this concept art shows, she is melting away. Rapidly decaying no matter how much she tries to stick to her youth.
Because at the end of the day, that's what she's doing, no? The toys, the music box, her appearence... all of it, just to cling a bit more to the person she used to be. Point being that I doubt even she remembers what she used to be.
You'd think a person like this would be inclined to feel at least some sympathy for all the lost children wandering the Nowhere. A sense of kinship, perhaps, or even just... basic human compassion. She has proved to have very human emotions, after all. This is where she proves you wrong. Whenever you think she's stepped the lowest, she always goes lower.
In her humanity, she is brutal. Relentless, ruthless. She offers no sympathy to anyone and has no empathy to spare either. She is very much aware of what's going on under her roof: she not only allows the Maw to continue being the way it is in spite of having the power to change things, but she actively engages in its despicable practices. She has petrified children in her quarters, as well as their ashes - of which the use is unclear - and then she is responsible for the Nome population and exploitation being so large and so eerily heavy. She's twisted necks, broken bones, murdered innocents.
The Shadow Children are, to me, one her greatest offenses. I don't think they serve any particular purpose other than... being there because she wanted to make them. Children ripped away from their life because of her whims. Not even in death can they rest because she can get her hands on their souls. They're nameless, forgotten shadows with blank masks: they're just like their creator, in that way. Ripped of all individuality and devoid of everything.
Everything she sees, the Lady devours. Not a creature is safe from her shadows and her wrath, especially if they come and actively intrude in her activities. She's twice as aggressive if the Maw is at stake.
The Lady's personal bedroom has another motif piece which I did not previously mention: the Maw wallpaper. While Roger and the Chefs have wallpapers that portray them with her, the Lady... does not. She only has the Maw. She's not part of that picture.
The Lady can't let the Maw change its ways. She is the Maw. The Maw must survive: so must she. To change the Maw would mean challenging herself enough to bring about a change; to her, who does nothing but lament what she lost, that would be too much effort. Too outside of the comfortable zone where she can survive in peace. Miserable, but unbothered.
... For the most part. Until Six comes around.
#the lady#carols.txt#ln meta#{dude i dont even know where i was going with this#if it seems like this post comes from a place of love it does#not at her as a person but like as a character. i find her so interesting and i feel oddly tender about her writing#usually when this happens its because i see pieces of the person i could have been in a character (like scaramouche for example)#but this time its from the completely opposite perspective#i am a person with a very clear idea of who i am. i know what my identity is and i am not afraid to express it#so witnessing a character with such a confused identity is both alien and fascinating to me#i wanted to focus more on her atrocities and how capitalism is what changes a person but its... 2 am and i am sick rn#i spent an hour literally vomiting my ramblings on this post#as a person and what she stands for i despise her. as a character i wish to put her in a security blanket and see how she gets out#this post feels terribly personal for some reason. like whatever . shes not even allat#im lying she literally IS allat#idk i love well written female characters who feel like people and dont fit in a specific convenctional box. sue me#< goes for six too#not opening *that* can of worms rn but. yeah}#little nightmares
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confinement arc where L tortures light with more hands-on methods......
#what if he chained him up and beat him and waterboarded him and broke his fingers and called him a pretty little murderer? what then?#would light give up his memories right away? would he give them up and suffer without knowing the truth thinking this is all unjust#and an abuse of power against an innocent? would it corrupt his view of L? would he even be willing to work with him afterwards? would#he do so just because he felt threatened? or maybe he'd keep his memories as long as he could because he'd be stronger knowing the#truth. maybe he'd keep them until he doesnt know if he could take it anymore and might end up confessing. maybe he'd keep them#so he could still have ryuk with him through as much as possible or maybe he'd give them up because ryuk is just another cruel#spectator. uncaring to his suffering#and would L torture light himself? would he make another person do it? would he allow the task force to bear witness? would anyone tell#soichiro? or would L do it himself in the middle of the night when nobody is there to stop him? maybe nobody would know at all. maybe#L would creep down to light's room and wake him up and try to get him to confess any way he could before the task force comes in the#morning. he might be careful not to leave marks so nobody knew. or maybe he'd not care. just make excuses. he's L why would#they question if he had anything to do with light''s head bleeding from when he fell out of bed in the middle of the night. or when he#had bruises from tripping when nobody was around. he's the great detective L. he's justice. he'd never hurt anyone......#anyway i think L should've tortured him more. dragged him out of his bed and waterboarded him in the bathroom. beat him while nobody#was around and choked him until he passed out because he wouldn't confess to being kira etc#and would misa get the same treatment too or would L not care to break her as much as he would light?#*sighs dreamily* there's just so much potential in torture....#no i am not working on the torture prompt for kinktober rn why do u ask.........
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hey quick question what do you do when someone says this
#i am holding back tears rn#what unfathomable tragedy are we about to witness?#‘we are dealing with human animals and we will act accordingly’???#if you defend this fuck you
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Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)
Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.
"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."
Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!
O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.
Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.
Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.
Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.
The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.
The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.
Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.
"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"
Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.
"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.
"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"
The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???
"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."
"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."
Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.
"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).
Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.
Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!
Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.
"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.
Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.
"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.
The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.
The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.
Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.
"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!
A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.
Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.
Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.
Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.
Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.
"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.
"Snitch!"
Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!
Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.
Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.
#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell#also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice#but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy#cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and.#you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo#and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk...#if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. &#hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“#AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER#SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED#HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO#ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO.#anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks#from gwen of all people! i love that for me.#also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right.#atsv#miles morales#itsv#miguel o'hara#the spot#ghostflower#gwiles#gwen stacy#ghost spider#gwen x miles#rio morales#across the spider verse#into the spider verse
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Checked my old med records re: transition dates bc today's Pl/Pa appt is probably going to be a fucking doozy where I anticipate being quizzed on my transition thus far and future goals for it
And double checked the year to find out A. my memory is shit and I was off a year but also B:
Next year will be my 5 year anniversary on T!!
#text post#getting ready ahead of time for the appt rn and am just a bit stoned to make sure the anxiety doesn't annihilate me lmao#I'm so glad Housemate is coming with to help me out as needed during the appt#like. if they drop me as a patient after this at least I'll have a witness to how they've been acting/the results of it#bc I've never once been believed at the start abt issues I have w/medical providers#only after it's gotten worse#and I'll have someone to help me navigate both hitting the grocery store after the appt w/out breaking down & also in plans#to call the new office and explain what happened (if it does tho i'm hoping they'll just wait it out w/me until Oct for my new clinic appt)#and hope they can help keep me on T and my lamotrigine until my first visit w/them (tho I'm already on their waitlist too)#I still have so much admiration for PlPa but my god. this has been a fucking nightmare in the end for me#and has heightened parts of my dysphoria and made me more anxious and frustrated at being misgendered#which still happens unfortunately often but like. no one is gonna apologise so I just roll with it#and I really didn't need that on top of adjusting to a move across the country#but it's whatever bc i'll get thru this appt see the new doc eventually and things will be more stable w/my care#and in the meantime I can think abt anniversary celebration ideas for next year
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taylor providing messi with more assists than psg's midfield ever did dkm
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(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.
#i just think it’s silly….#like no joke i’ve written five songs this school year and lets see#there’s one about being a ‘‘silly stupid angel’’ who’s degraded and abused and idealized and stripped of all dignity#(yes it’s a commentary on the patriarchy. yes it’s about the toxic relationship i was in at the time. it’s also several of my kinks in one)#there’s one called GOOD BOY about being a dog. whining and kicking up the dirt. growling and whimpering. being taken advantage of#ITS JUST A METAPHOR. obviously. i actually wasn’t into puppy play yet when i wrote that song iirc. guess it got to me….#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try#it’s a ummmm it’s just a commentary. (also about my toxic relationship. he didn’t want to fuck OR eat me. but somehow still used me)#anyway the other two are just normal one is about filtering myself for him and the other is about being oppressed and poor and angry lol#still though. the fact that over half my songs are literally my kinks turned into poetry. and NOBODY KNOWS#it’s not my fault that those things are on my mind ALL THE TIME. what am i supposed to write songs about if not being a stupid puppy??#i don’t think anyone on my kink blog ACTUALLY wants to hear about this but my kinks are secret so this is the only place i can post about i#hope u can get some sort of psychological insight about me?? or idk stalk me?? show up 2 my shows and kidnap and use me?? who said that#i’m not even like. wet rn i’m just on here as reflex. and i’m THINKING. abt my TWISTED MIND and the weird shit i write about#in an intellectual way. cause i’m not USING my KINK BLOG this week. cause i SAID SO cause i need to KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME#so i’m gonna be so normal. and not touch myself even a little bit cause i need to sleep and i need to move house and i need to be so normal#unrelatedly: tomorrow i’ll be one month on testosterone!! definitely hasn’t awakened anything in me….#anyway. anyway. i’m going to try to go to bed. probably going to end up edging myself stupid instead though#will just have 2 see what happens…. god it would be a shame if someone came in and used my sleeping body. who said that
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hiiiii midasss
not a continuation of eldritch horror reader, but i REALLY. REALLY LIKE VERY TALL READER. A LOT.
it would be hard to hide, but imagine how fun it would be .. i mean, what’re they gonna do about it?? carry us off to jail? no, man, no. we can step on them. squish :]
and when i say tall, i’m talking like, AT LEAST 7 feet. quite possibly 10 feet tall. big guy.
i want to be able to pick someone up and throw them like a football.
-owl anon who was hearing bird chitters while writing this
i might bring a more detailed snack of eldritch horror reader later
oh em gee bird chitters guys
also if makes sense if you think about it, since they on your screen are itty bitty so
#m1d : [chats]#owl anon#sorry i’m dry btw#i just started on the sumeru quest i’ve been putting off for the new event. all i’m saying?#fuck dottore. scara deserves better. paimon has the emotional intelligence of swiss cheese. holy shit what the FUCK DOTTORE#does this count as spoilers? im being p vague i think#anyway. anyway. god. what the fuck did i just witness. emotional recoil right now what the FUCK#AND. KAZUHA? what#the cost of being a kazuha enthusiast is 📈📈#i meant emotional cost but tbh the bar of entry is already so goddamn high#fuck man what is HAPPENNING#no spoilers nobody talk to me about it i’ll cry if i think about it too much istg#GOD. FUCK. UNWELL.#and then he- and the- fUCK i am. in turmoil. what the fuck can i phone a friend#i don’t even know what to think i’m literally just 😀 rn what. wh. h. ?!?
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“You idiot we could’ve been us” moodboard
#I forgive you? I FORGIVE YOU???? SHUT YUUUUUPPPP LASLKWKWKSKSK I AM THROWING UP RN#LIKE DEADASS GONE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WITNESS#I AM A CHILD OF DIVORCE YOU GUYS I AM A CHILD OF DIVORCE#going through the five stages of grief as I type this but like stuck in the devastated one#good omens spoilers#good omens#I just binged this in one go I am ill rn#Crowley#aziraphale
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hi! I totally understand if the answer is no but I’m just curious, do you think you will be continuing “(why is there) joy in this poison”? it’s one of my favorite fics, so I’m just wondering if that’s something you’ve decided to abandon or maybe continue
hi darling! sorry this reply is a few days late but i was on vacation :')
i absolutely DO plan on continuing (wit)jitp!!! i am actually working on both chapter 11 and a bonus chapter for it currently :D i know it's been. *cough* a year. since i've updated it but trust me i have been very very aware of the passing time.
alas, life simply decided to hit me over the head with several various hyperfixations and an additional handful of stressful issues (that i am unfortunately still dealing with some of) that meant that most of the time i just didn't have the energy to write at all and the times i did have energy, i was writing for whichever fandom my brain was actively attached to at that moment, which was simply never aftg.
but yeah! YEAH!! (wit)jitp is definitely getting continued. hopefully soon, but that really depends on a handful of factors so i make no promises. but it IS being worked on actively.
#rip i haven't even posted any writing to ao3 since FEBRUARY WHAT#jeez :(#but YEAH#i'm working on (wit)jitp as well as maybe another aftg fic#and i've got another project PLUS my capri and yr fics so i HAVE done some writing#but i've just not had as much energy or time or brain to write as much as i wish i did#i am however going to do my absolute damndest to finish this fic bc there is SO SO MUCH still to go#and its such a big and important project for me so#aftg and capri are my backup fixations btw bc i can literally just trigger my fixation by rereading them sdkfgskhg#and when i feel my attention leaving whatever had it then i turn to one of these#capri was simply what i turned to last time so it got triggered sooner than aftg#but#ohhhh i've also gotta finish my aftg touch thing....#i should work on that....#but yeah again i was on a short vacation which was hella fun and i am literally not gonna be able to talk tomorrow probably skhfkshf#my voice is very soft rn#both my sister and i spoke more over the last 3 days than we had in like. the whole month.#but well thats what two 18hr days in a car together will do to you lmao#sucks bc i have to talk kinda loud at work but my coworkers will be fine#askers#(wit)jitp#anon#shh ac
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cannot relate to anyone who willingly tells authority figures things. or who just...volunteers information to them without being asked?? bitch if they want to know anything, they can come to me. this mouth stays closed unless it's forcibly pried tf open and even then the words are shoved through eight different filters before they come out, perfectly form-fitted to whichever Person With Power Over Me is fucking asking. be smart about it! grow up!
#personal#is this a trauma response? probably. but i am adept at the art of keeping things Hushed & Handled so no one even /knows/ to ask questions#which is probably called Deception lmao but hey it means i don't have to lie to get out of things bc there /are/ no things u feel me?#anyways. i have this lovely kind coworker with such an open heart that always wants to do the right thing#so she'll 'follow up' with clients abt situations and then they end up yelling at her or cussing her out#and i wanna be like babe. Babe. just bc you are kind and wonderful it doesn't mean the ppl we work for are too.#they view us like the dirt beneath their feet and they're gonna act accordingly so you gotta.......shut your mouth#'being responsible' is nothing.....let them come to /you/#communication should be kept to a minimum and only consist of what they specifically asked for bc they have power and you don't#please. pleASE.#anyways.#one time i had a Situation at work that i needed to navigate with the best of my 'abused kid who learned to hide everything' skillz#and i'm just...going on my merry way slogging through 73 layers of shit and Angles and cooking up how to get the exact results i want#and the coworker with me at the time is watching me in a mixture of horror and awe like 'i feel like i'm witnessing the zodiac killer rn'#and i wasn't like 'hahaha no this is just years of childhood trauma :)' but it was a close thing#...oh i succeeded at the situation btw#of course. bc i'm a pro.
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I know they did NOT JUST MAKE ME WATCH SEAN GET SHOT IN THE FACE
#i am literally screaming#i just have it paused rn i cant even PROCESS WHAT I JUST WITNESSED#my fav character GONE JUST LIKE THAT#they really pulled a tlou2 didnt they#i am devastated#rdr2
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Can my sex drive like. Idk stop. I'm sick my sister in christ calm down!!! I'd start coughing and dying if I tried anything stop
#my throat is in constant pain rn to the point i take painkillers to be able to take other meds bc otherwise i just cant swallow#the painkillers are like. powder you dissolve in water thats the only reason i can take those too#i also drink so much oak tree bark pls#it really does seem to help combined wit tea and cinnamon and lemon and honey#but anyway how to not be. horny. even antidepressants didnt kill this beast. neither did starvation.#its genuinely so annoying bc i know i will end up making a silly decision sooner than later#i told him not to come over and take care of me bc i know what i would have done#um. yeah!#am i perhaps an addict atp 💀
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bro i went on a run wit my dog this morning and this shit deadass solved all my problems
#why am i going to therapy when i coulda been doin this for free#me and my dog#i love my dog#my therapist got a competitor#watch out mf ur job gettin snatched#well it wasn't free i spent 5.98 on some strawberries and a little treat for my dog but tis a small price to pay#i feel productive as fuck#i feel like my older brother#cuz he's productive as fuck#guys if u struggle wit depression im tellin u rn those mfs who tell u that exercise and good sleep and food and water helps#they aint joking#it helps#although i am a happy man#i have wanted to jump from a great height in the past lolz#anyway#that's the main point#that's what you should get from this#if you take anything away from this post it should be that i love my dog
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