#idk i love well written female characters who feel like people and dont fit in a specific convenctional box. sue me

[queen0fm0nsterz]

thinking about the Lady again and she actually is the Character Ever.

Starting off with her design. How ridiculously simple it is, right? Her yukata is plain brown and has a single layer, her wig (and yes, I am positive what she wears is not her hair but a wig soley because of how easily it comes undone... that kind of hairstyle is meant to STICK when done with actual hair) has no decorations befitting a woman of her powerful status and her mask is nothing but... empty. You could mistake her for a mannequin and you wouldn't even be wrong. It's by design, after all: she is as insanely important, as a figure, as she is anonymous as a person.

But then, it's with amusement that you note that that boring, unexpressive mask is called the "Rascal's mask" when unlocked. It's such an oddly affectionate nickname stemming from a person so utterly despicable. And then you notice her hair. Her long, black hair that should be hidden under her wig, as the hairstyle goes, but are instead hanging out freely. Not very traditional at all, right? You could almost read it as a small act of defiance of... something. Now, what that thing is, I doubt even she knows. Maybe it's just her way to seek individuality without having to step into zones she does not want to touch.

And then, of course, the lack of shoes. It's not uncommon for people to wear slippers in the house - especially for the Japanese - but she just... doesn't. In that small, small way, she is similar to Six - and every other child in the Maw running around barefoot. Except she's above running, of course. She's got the privilege of floating like a ghost so that she may never touch the ground.

(The only time when this rule is broken is when she fights Six, poetically enough. You can see her visibly step back.)

These strange little things are the first things that push you to wonder about her as a person. Not the title, not the Lady of the Maw: the individual behind the mask. Who is that person? What is she like? Is there a way to answer these questions? I think yes, if you know where to look - but is it worth to ask these questions considering what she does?

That depends on you. Me personally, I think there is narrative worth to be found in what she has to hide. Her foil, Six, finds value in the aspects of herself she does not hide: she is very unapologetic in her selfhood. The Lady isn't, for the most part.

(I wonder if that would make her envious of her younger counterpart in a different context?)

Frankly, looking back on her choice of attire, the fact that her personal bedroom is barely decorated is not surprising. She only has the essentials: a bed, the vase with the key, a few pictures of importance (of people long forgotten, herself included no doubt) and... an ungodly amount of misplaced clothes all over her quarters. All the same yukata, repeated over and over, maniacally folded and arranged in towers, but never where they're supposed to be.

A bedroom is the reflection of yourself. Of your inner world. The fact hers looks so barebones is quite telling about who she is. Or isn't. She herself may have some trouble trying to figure that one out.

I think that, in a vacuum, it's easy to assume that the reason she's so displeased by her reflection is soley out of vanity. That is definitely part of it, but I don't think that's all there is. Because after seeing the mannequins that all look just like her, the four women in the picture who also wear her same exact clothes... and that hidden quote.

This quote, which is from Alice in Wonderland. Specifically from a conversation in which Alice expresses how she doesn't recognise herself anymore because of how many times she grew big and small during the course of the day. She is not the same person she was before entering Wonderland.

I find the way she clings to the dolls and the music box to be much more... sombre when keeping this in mind. In a way, that scene is reminiscent of Monster Six clinging to her music box in the chaos of the Tower; an attempt to attach to something safe. For the Lady, it's even more personal. Those are her toys. Her song. No one can take them from her and claim them as theirs. These materialistic tomes are physical proof of her identity. She likes dolls, and she likes to sing that song from her music box. Surely, that much is something.

But a ceramic toy and an old music box are not really enough to placate the inner turmoil. Hence the broken mirrors, the hidden statues... the hung down portraits with their eyes scratched out - from times of the past. There is a person looking back in the mirror which she does not recognise. That can't be her, right?

It isn't. The reflection is but a faux image of her outward appearence. The inside, however... much like this concept art shows, she is melting away. Rapidly decaying no matter how much she tries to stick to her youth.

Because at the end of the day, that's what she's doing, no? The toys, the music box, her appearence... all of it, just to cling a bit more to the person she used to be. Point being that I doubt even she remembers what she used to be.

You'd think a person like this would be inclined to feel at least some sympathy for all the lost children wandering the Nowhere. A sense of kinship, perhaps, or even just... basic human compassion. She has proved to have very human emotions, after all. This is where she proves you wrong. Whenever you think she's stepped the lowest, she always goes lower.

In her humanity, she is brutal. Relentless, ruthless. She offers no sympathy to anyone and has no empathy to spare either. She is very much aware of what's going on under her roof: she not only allows the Maw to continue being the way it is in spite of having the power to change things, but she actively engages in its despicable practices. She has petrified children in her quarters, as well as their ashes - of which the use is unclear - and then she is responsible for the Nome population and exploitation being so large and so eerily heavy. She's twisted necks, broken bones, murdered innocents.

The Shadow Children are, to me, one her greatest offenses. I don't think they serve any particular purpose other than... being there because she wanted to make them. Children ripped away from their life because of her whims. Not even in death can they rest because she can get her hands on their souls. They're nameless, forgotten shadows with blank masks: they're just like their creator, in that way. Ripped of all individuality and devoid of everything.

Everything she sees, the Lady devours. Not a creature is safe from her shadows and her wrath, especially if they come and actively intrude in her activities. She's twice as aggressive if the Maw is at stake.

The Lady's personal bedroom has another motif piece which I did not previously mention: the Maw wallpaper. While Roger and the Chefs have wallpapers that portray them with her, the Lady... does not. She only has the Maw. She's not part of that picture.

The Lady can't let the Maw change its ways. She is the Maw. The Maw must survive: so must she. To change the Maw would mean challenging herself enough to bring about a change; to her, who does nothing but lament what she lost, that would be too much effort. Too outside of the comfortable zone where she can survive in peace. Miserable, but unbothered.

... For the most part. Until Six comes around.

[smileymoth]

ok so i gave up figuring out my gender bc i have school and i don't have time for it. However.

its so fucked up to me that i can only ever relate myself to men. like there's so few female characters who i can relate myself to it's always male characters. I don't know if its due to in traditional media being a lack of well written women who aren't 100% traditionally fem, but it feels WEIRD ok!!! the only one i can kind of relate to is Bones from Bones(TV) lol. but thats also bc she's autistic and I'd rather date her instead. And in non traditional media like idk say mcrp, I love all the girls but I don't see myselt in them, it's always some freak whiteboy instead (cough etho cough)

I've felt so guilty for only ever relating to male characters (hence why all my ocs who i relate the most to are men/not women) All the women I see in media/social media, its not a "omg shes like me" moment, its more of a "I want her so bad it makes me look stupid" situation. Which makes sense since I'm a lesbian but uh. Wjere aum I

But like. I'm not a guy? I don't per say want to look like a man. Like my overall gender envy visuals come from, like, embarrassingly, fcking slimecicle, the thomas(? the blond one) guy from Maneskin, fuckin add jozels to the list and most worst of all w**bur s**t bc????. (He does make me me unbelivably angry when i look at him for too long? weird lesbian things ig). But most of them already look like lesbians. WHAT AM I. Weird girlboy freak who looks like the most average woman. But the idea that I look like a woman makes me feel ill . Kind of. If i get my medically humongous tits (still shocked the doctor told me theyre big enough to cause medical issues LOL) reducted it'll be easier to not feel like that much of a womanly woman tho lol .like i dont feel like a woman but i also dont feel like anything else .i dont confirm to the capitalist ideal and the societal idea of a woman, but if gender is a construct then i am a woman? But then me not feeling like a woman has nothing to do with my actual gender and more with societal expectations that i dont want to fill? I feel more like a girl than a woman even though i am an adult woman . Maybe its because i feel like people wont take me seriously bc im a kind of stupid overweight ''woman" . i am also a lesbian and that complicates things even more since have dykes ever been normal abt gender

I got so derailed oh my god . I still dont know why i dont find myself relating to other women. I love spending time with women, theyre wonderful and all, but i just. I dont feel like i fit in with them? I feel like i fit in better with a group of men??? But I also feel more in line with women/femmes???but i dont relate to them????

Like i feel guilty for this but i

??? What the fucj

my ideal gender is loser girlboyfriend who loves her girlfriend and also gets tossed around by her to a acceptable degree. Like i see couples and i just Yearn to be the boyfriend of a girl. I DONT KNoW

I still only like she her pronouns tho lol. And im not particularly butch . Im more femme/futch presenting than anything. I want to be an emo boy): my gender is emo dyke boyfriend JAJWSJWK

[bunkernine]

i dont know why riordan made it so jo and emmie were coerced into leaving the hunters by artemis having an exclusionary policy against bi/lesbian women, instead of just that jo and emmie were tired of immortality and wanted to grow old together so they left the hunt of their own volition. i feel like thats the main problem with the hunters, but given that its written by a cishet man who definitely does not understand aro/ace identities and the split attraction model it isnt shocking :( but i feel like a lot of the other issues like neglecting female characters are less symptoms of the hunt and moreso underlying critiques of riordans writing; there are definitely instances of him neglecting to provide female characters perspectives when it wouldve been beneficial (an example i would use is thalia, we barely got any interaction between her and jason, and im sure there are many examples of female characters not getting their time, but its been a while since i read the books so i may be misremembering?) like the neglect of fem characters is far from isolated to the hunt.. anyway yeah i didnt like some aspects of how the hunt was handled but i dont think theres a problem with it specifically if that makes sense. its hard to tell where the problems with one aspect of a story end and when that problem being imbued into the writers perspective starts, but generally i think the hunters have good aspects to them, like i think even beyond inclusion of ace/aro identities having groups of demigods and people involved in the mythical world outside of CHB/CJ is really needed, the dynamic they provide with the more organized demigod camps is interesting, and i think they fit well into the rrverse. i think the themes they represent in thalia and reynas lives about responsibility and the weight of authority are interesting insights into their characters. ok thats all idk if any of this makes sense im sleepy srry for the paragraph

Oh boy

So. Ok. Sentence by sentence I guess. Agree with no need for exclusionary wlw rule. Think he was just going for the "no romance" at all, but idk, Artemis' tale in various myths would suggest otherwise when it came to wlw.

That exclusion only made a point in TDP, which is probably when Riordan thought about writing Piper and is post the development of other LGBT characters u know, Alex, Nico, Magnus, um... The others.... LOL. So idk why he did that. Maybe to provide some cushioning for Reyna?

Split Attraction Model is controversial. Idk why you want him to touch that too much, especially after fumbling with LGBT characters prior.

And Reyna being aroace was also controversial????? 😭 do we forget fandom history so quickly? I am not getting into that because 1, I don't care rn and 2, I don't care rn 💀💀💀 but like, it's not that simple to just say "Riordan doesn't know anything" when he's literally a writer who makes explicit choices. Have little opinion on Reyna and her sexuality.

Jason and Thalia see each other in TLH, MoA, and BoO. They see each other plenty considering that both of them barely know each other and have duties that they're resigned to during the end of the world 💀 but also it's mentioned that they have seen each other between TLH and MoA, however long that visit was. Don't really say that an issue considering the circumstances, there's only so many book pages, and there's only so many ways for Thalia to be relevant in a story that has little to do with her.

Thalia's a horrible example because she's literally not a main character in most books 😭 Riordan mostly mistreats love interests. Most of the girls in the series have strong moments and arcs, but are overshadowed by 1, the sheer amount of boys (which makes sense genre-wise and why Riordan even wrote PJO), and 2, fandom perception.

HOWEVER, I will not deny that girls get to be a back burner to other characters more often. Reyna would've been a good example post-BoO: giving her a POV slides her from secondary character to main, but then completely throws out of balance what her weight is compared to Nico, for instance, who is also given a main role in BoO, but has impacted the series more obviously. 😵‍💫 I highly disagree with them having POVs in BoO partially for that reason, and what it does to Frank and Hazel later, who now have less POVs despite playing a strong role in major events of BoO and the series. Sidelining main characters.

Rachel could possibly be another example, but Calypso would be a great example from her being in TDP and never showing up again 😀 But Reyna, Rachel, and Calypso a have in common that they are introduced as love interests.

But... None of this is relevant because the topic was about the hunters so that's for later. The Hunters aren't more inclusive of aro/ace ppl than any other group in series, but they are a nice group to join if a character is aro/ace. Reyna is the only one confirmed, and it would be helpful and appreciated if more characters could be confirmed. The hunters are just... Not in relationships at the current moment 😭 which anyone could be regardless if ur aroace or not.. as shown with jo and emmie

They do fit well as an alternate to the camps though, agree. It's amusing that they know about Waystation but never told anyone. They just actively go around hunting and fighting monsters???? Didn't understand why annabeth wasn't really interested but sure

For Thalia those themes are present when she joined the hunters. That is... Literally a whole thing. For Reyna they are not at all due to the Hunters! Those themes are only present because that was Reyna's whole thing!!! Her joining the hunters directly erases them 😭😭😭😭 Reyna is genuinely a character who lost potential by being thrown into the Hunters 😭😭😭 She could've been aro/ace even without them, it's so mind-boggling to put her in the Hunters. Like... Okay. She and Thalia were bonding throughout the series in the background. She didn't need to join the Hunters to talk to her friend 😭 It's so crazy especially next to Jason who deals with the same issues and themes but is allowed to just step out and go to boarding school. WHY WOULDN'T REYNA JUST JOIN THE AMAZONS????????? WHY WOULDN'T SHE JUST RETIRE????? Absolutely baffling. There are so many reasons why Thalia being a Hunter is a Meaningful Choice, and Reyna being a hunter is a Careless Choice.

Hope that captures everything, especially after the previous asks. Feel free to follow up ofc, always up for talks about things 👍

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[siswritesyanderes]

This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

[lesbiradshaw]

Genuinely interested in what you think about Bucky being perceived as female-coded in some parts of the fandom. I read that thread years ago and agreed with because it sounded logical, but now I'm not so sure. Recently found out about the existence of this Tony Stark meta essay called "Tony Stark as the most female-coded superhero" and they use the same arguments: loss of agency, playing the damsel in distress role more often than their counterpart, etc. I can't take "fm-coded" seriously anymore

oh boy ...

idk how long this will end up but to preface whatever we do end up with: 1) im a nonbinary lesbian so my perception on what it means to be a woman and femininity in general is not going to be what a lot of other peoples is and 2) im a few months out from getting a degree in gender studies. take that for what you will. no i will not be arguing about this in my inbox.

to be frank, in my opinion, bucky being female coded is bullshit. not only is it bullshit, i have seen it used as a weapon by so many white women and terfs that even if it were true, i wouldnt care! whoever came up with the term “woobify” (which i have most often seen used in reference to how tony stark is treated) needs to tell bucky stans that they aren’t exempt. a lot of them see bucky being a victim as something that needs a continuation into every other part of his life, hence why he’s so often put into these weird dynamics with his ships and given traits he’s never displayed on screen.

i keep thinking of disclaimers to make in anticipation of people coming to my inbox crying so here’s another: if you are a woman or someone who feels a close connection to certain parts of womanhood, me saying bucky isnt woman coded in no way takes away from you identifying with him or parts of his story. that is personal. a woman’s personal relation to him is not reliant on “woman coding” as i’ve seen a lot of white women and terfs suggest, not does it strengthen the existence of such coding. coding is created within the original media, not within the fandom.

i also just realized ive been using the term woman coded rather than female coded, but i think subconsciously there is a reason for that that ties into one of my main points pretty well: the mcu stan’s definition of “female” coding relies on stereotypes, not about female roles, but about what it means in their opinion to be a woman. the issue with this is they take traits they think only exist in (cishet) women and use them to deem these (cishet) male characters as woman coded when in fact these traits are not exclusive to women and enforce weird standards upon people who are women that might not be cis or het or share these traits!

tony stark being short and bucky having long hair is not what would make them woman coded. bucky being rescued by a man while woozy is not what would make him woman coded. bucky being submissive to pierce when LITERALLY BEING BRAINWASHED is not what would make him woman coded. and perhaps a harsh wake up call: bucky’s story hinging around loss of agency issues and trauma in no way shape or form is what would make him woman coded. does it perhaps make him easier for many women to relate to? yes. but is this something exclusive to women? no. a vast majority of trauma victims are going to relate to him, and chalking up trauma to being something female makes me feel really funny.

i know exactly what thread youre talking about lmfao and its right up there on my shit list next to the childlike bucky post. theyre actually very similar now that i think about it ... but anyways. now that ive listed my woes about what doesnt make a character woman coded, what actually would! AND HERE IS WHERE WE GET INTO AN ACTUAL CASE OF WOMAN CODING! mr prequel series anakin skywalker aka my shakespearean downfall dilf. why is he seen as a valid example of woman coding? i will tell you.

the thing about woman coding is that its meant to subvert heteronormative tropes while remaining self aware of that to exploit and emphasize the change. DO YOU HEAR ME? SELF AWARE! anakin is given many of these stupid stereotypical traits i mentioned before, but they arent reliant on physical appearance at all. they are reliant on roles. padme is the levelheaded senate leader, the one with power and stability, while anakin is hotheaded and frankly a bit whimsical while he struggles for his own type of power and control. another classic example of woman coding (which i actually wrote a paper on last semester in my men and masculinities class) is heathcliff from wuthering heights, whose counterpart to his coding is cathy. both men have that whimsicality in common that contrasts heavily with how we would expect them to act. bucky does not act like them at all.

the reason that this is different from bucky and steve’s ‘damsel in distress’ argument is the self awareness i mentioned before. not to mention the weird heteronormative standards being applied as requirements for their gay relationship to be seen as valid because it “fits the narrative” but .. anyways.

anakin and heathcliff both have their subverted traits played up in a way that shows off how ridiculous the women usually written in their roles are forced to act. its tongue in cheek, because woman coding is not only about individual traits, but about how the character interacts with the story because of this as a whole. bucky is often seen as woman coded because he is put into these situations where he is “rescued” by someone that half his stans see as his love interest (steve my baby im sorry) when hes really only rescued maybe twice? at azzano and from the water when the helicopter crashed. only one of those is a real damsel in distress situation. all of the others are cases where hes fighting his own way out ????? bucky doesnt just sit around waiting for a “real man” to get off his ass as that post suggested but i digress.

anyways. mcu stans lack any self awareness that would be required even if bucky and tony were woman coded. calling them woman coded does not count as self awareness! the real self awareness comes with recognizing that woman coding doesnt actually make these characters women and it doesnt mean they forever belong in these “female” roles. mcu stans take the stereotypes they pick out at face value and use them to say “look! bucky is a bottom!” or to continue taking away his agency by ignoring all of his other actions and traits that dont fit in to this mold theyve made around the idea that he needs a man to save him or boss him around. his story as a whole is the only thing that would make him woman coded and seeing as there is no self awareness of this shown, no attempts to subvert, he displays little to no traditionally feminine traits, and loss of agency on its own is not something that only applies to women ...

in short: in my opinion, bucky is not woman coded. mcu stans just like rolling with stereotypes that rely around cis bodies and straight relationships. the end.

[prompt-master]

Consider: angst for the less popular characters in dr. Aka - write a list of the characters you haven't really talked about and list what type of angst/whump you think fits them.

I live to please lets do it

Owada Monda: I 🥺 I think a lot about how Owada said he would give up his talent and become a carpenter in the Escape Button Ending. It feels so right. He's letting go of the past and his guilt to live a new life.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka: ishimaru likely fears that breaking the rules will lead you on the wrong path like his grandfather, so his obsession comes from a sense of protecting. He likely would panic if he ever broke a real, feeling like himself is becoming a bad person.

Fujisaki Chihiro (note: i use all pronouns for fujisaki): i think its really tragic how Fujisaki's father died before finding out what happened to his kid. He clearly loved Fujisaki, and accepted that she presented as female wholeheartedly. To die without ever knowing...even if the truth is gruesome...

Celestia Ludenburg: this might be TOO obvious but for Celeste to rewrite her entire identity into this character she must have a of insecurities. We know she wanted more than anything to feel special. I like to think that overtime with her friends she becomes more comfident in herself while also keeping the gothic lolita look simply because she likes it

Yamada Hifumi: a lot of people like to call Yamada a creep and nothing else and I am here to dispel such claims. He is not the best written character but. I think a lot of people are too harsh on him. Think about it, for Yamada to know Celeste's real name she had to have geniunely bonded with him. But her selfish dream was more important. The picture of what good, teasing friends they were hurts me because they became anything but in the killing game. Yamada just wanted to help her achieve her dream and serve her. Without asking for favors in return mind you. He knew he would die for her selfish dream. I think that as much as he wanted to help her...he was too ugly for her :(

Ikusaba Mukuro: Think about how fuc ked up her life is. And I dont just mean all the Enoshima stuff. I'm talking about her talent. Most Ultimates at HPA were trained young and Ikusaba is no exception. She saw death and murder and knew how to kill from a very young age. She says she had an interest but...she was a child man! And she's easy to manipulate because she sees herself as a weapon and a tool to be ordered around.

Maizono Sayaka: idk if this is true. But every time I've played drthh the first gift I always got the everlasting friendship bracelet first. And...that was the first gift I ever got. And i gave it to Maizono. And now I always give it to her. It kinda feels like its HER gift to me. I remember first playthrough I got the bracelet again and...I felt this "oh..." moment as I remembered what happened. I couldn't and still cannot give that gift to anyone else. I like to think that as Maizono was dying, she had the bracelet in her pocket and remembered who she betrayed and was dooming. She wrote out "LEON" while thinking of Naegi, wishing she hadn't let her fear get the best of her.

Fukawa Toko: Fukawa likely has feelings for Togami BECAUSE hes an ashole. We know that Fukawa is a self proclaimed mas ochist but I think theres more here. Fukawa idolizes love but has never had it go well for her, having been unwanted from birth. So many guys have tricked her by claiming to like her only to ditch her as a joke. Togami tells her straight up that she's disgusting. In her eyes if she can get Togami to admit he loves her...it's a GUARANTEE. Nothing will backstab her after that. (Also 🥺 i think a lot about how her only friend/loved one is a stinkbug)

Kuwata Leon: i aint touching his past. Shiits weird with his cousin man. We instead gonna just say Kuwata probably got a lot of injuries since hes reckless and doesnt really care about baseball too much. He wants to be a musician partially to express his emotions and frustrations. As the music duo I think he and Maizono used to be really really close before the game.

Asahina Aoi: I firmly believe that Asahina will not be able to move on and date anyone in the future. Ogami was the one. That was her Sakura-chan. She may have accepted her death, but the only way she's getting in a relationship again is in the afterlife when she meets back up with Ogami.

Ogami Sakura: A big source of inspiration for Ogami to become not just stronger but embrace her feminine side comes from her first love, Kenshiro. If you don't know: Kenshiro was the strongest man in the world, stronger than Ogami, but fell to terminal illness. Ogami promised him when he beat his illness she would beat him fair and square. Because of this I feel like her feelings for Asahina must have come with a bit of conflict. Kenshiro means so much to her, but Asahina also means so much to her. Unfortunatly she died before she could figure it out, but she accepted that she loved the both of them.

Hagakure Yasuhiro: I think that Hagakure had a REALLY REALLY good relationship with his mom. The entire time game and after hes thinkin about his mom. He wants more than anything after surviving to find her. Dead or alive. If shes dead he wants to say goodbye properly.

[ryoceann]

Walker- 1x04 ~spoilers~

I know i’ve said this a dozen times...but Walker just keeps getting better and better and better! With every. single. episode. I loved everything about this episode so much and again! Jared live-tweeting it was the best!!! I watched this episode at 3 am lats night again help.

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

OK SO CRDIREZ BEAUTY EPISODE!!! YES! I loved loved loved loved the development of their friendship in this episode SO MUCH! 

First scene Cordirez and them badass rangers catching bad guys together YES!!! Walker trying to find out Micki’s middle name is so cute pls. 

I really enjoyed the case they worked here as well. It was both deep and emotional and that twist! YEPPPP SIGN ME UP.

THE BAR SCENE WITH WALKER AND MICKI. AGAIN THEIR FRIENDSHIP! The episode title fit so well here and I’m glad Micki and Walker have really reached a good understanding on a friend and partner level. THEY\RE THE CUTEST PLEASE I LOVE THEM. 

‘‘walker where’s my drink’‘ ok every word micki and cordell exchanged with each other was the best??? 

WALKER AND HIS KIDS AND BROTHER UNPACKING TOGETHER!!! I asolutely adore their relatioship. AUGUST IN THAT BLUE HAIR AND SUNGLASSES DHJHHF AUGUST I FUCKING LOVE YOU CAN I ADOPT YOU.

I really adored the tiny exchange between Stella and Walker. Speaks volumes of how much they’ve progressed since the pilot. Walker and Stella’s dynamic I ADORE so seeing them at really good terms is just beautiful.

Annnddd now August is being the rebellious kid. 

I’m glad they brought up Belle’s case here as well bc i thought they’d completely overshadowed it. STELLA AND BELLE ARE SO CUTE! I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

OK NOW IK I SHIP CORDIREZ TOO BUT I SHIP TRICKI TOO. GOD.

They are so so so CUTE WITH EACH OTHER AND TREY IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE HIMMMM. 

Micki is such an epic artist??? HOLY SHIT GIRL HOW MUCH TALENT DO YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THERE.

Micki and Walker working the case ‘off the books’! YES PARTNERS IN CRIME. or well soving crime. i didn’t like monty shaw too much anyways...idk bad vibes. WALKER DEFENDING MICKI AND SAYING SHE CAN FEND FOR HERSELF. I COMBUSTED.

THE CORPSE LADY WAS THE SAME ONE FROM SUPERNATURAL’S NIGHTMARE 1X14. HOLY SHIT.

*sigh* The Harlan Family. Classic Rich People.

‘‘can we keep this one off the books’‘ ‘‘OFF THE BOOKS???’‘ ‘‘are you kidding me off the books is my middle name. Just kidding it’s Beauregard what’s yours’‘ HHAHAH NICE TRY WALKER I LAUGHED SO HARD THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Cordell Beauregard Walker- such a fucking handful!

THE INTERROGATION SCENE. WHEN THAT GIRL WINKED AT WALKER AND HE JUST FLINCHED AND TURNED AROUND LMAO. WALKER WHAT HAVENT U HAD PPL HIT ON U BEFORE.

‘‘You got it ranger rick!’‘ PLSJJCDDFJFD. ‘‘that was so satisfying’‘ same micki same.

‘MICHELLE FLORIANA’‘ WOW??? I LOVE IT.

ALSO MUSKRAT! ADORABLE SO ADORABLE I WANT CORDELL TO CALL MICKI MUSKRAT ALL THE DAMN TIME.

‘‘on a scale from micki to muskrat where am i’‘ ‘‘floriana’‘ THAT LOOK THO.  HSHSHSHS DONT WORRY WALKER YOU’LL GET THERE.

-I love how this show is really taking the time to address the difficulties someone like Micki- A Female Latina would go through- the sexism, blatant disrespect and disregard. Micki’s character is also something that’s very well written and acted(Lindsey ily) and portrayed extremely well. One of my favorite things about Walker is how he really trusts Micki, views her as an equal, and wants to earn her trust, not demand it. It’s perfect(cordirez breakdown time). Micki is also slowly letting her fences down around him and it’s a huge and very delightful to see step. I love and adore their friendship and chemistry so much. 

MICKI SPEAKING IN SPANISH IS AN OFFICIAL TURN ON FOR ME BYE.

ALL OF THEM SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!! NOT JUST CORDIREZ BUT TREY TOO! WALKER AND TREY MEETING TOGETHER WHEN.

Trey is such an amazing boyfriend truly! THE TOWEL ON HIS SHOULDERS DJSFDJFD AND AH THE COMIC MICKI DREW??/ ADORABLE. Also love how encouraging and supportive Trey is. The men in this show are the best.

LIAM AND WALKER SCENE. I love their dynamic too and i wanna see moreee. Also more micki and liam scenes yes please.

‘‘thanks brother very supportive’‘ i sobbed when he called him brother. i just. *screams*

Ok so Abby and Bonham really had a bad falling out huh. Abby was in an affair with someone who still misses her??? Damn, can’t wait to see how this one progresses. ALSO WALKER FINDING THAT LETTER FROM GARY TO ABBY IN THE BASEMENT I FREAKEDDD,

THE ADDRESS. ON THE LETTER. IS THE SAME. AS THE LOCATION. OF JENSEN’S BREWERY. THE SAME BREWERY. WHO’S FIRST KEG OF BEER. WAS GIVEN TO JARED. BY JENSEN. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. HELP. HELP. HELP. NOT ME HAVING A J2 BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDST OF A WALKER EP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.

Aight so August and Ruby is a biG NO OK. Like idk idk idk just idk.

WALKER HAD AN AFFAIR(after emily so ok but still) WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE UNDERCOVER??? WAS IT JUST UNDERCOVER OR REAL??? I NEED ANSWERS STAT.

THE PHONE THAT WALKER HAD. ONE OF THE CONTACTS WAS WINCHESTER AUTO. W I N C H E S T E R  A U T O. Jensen coming to the show owning this shop and Walker going to him to get his car fixed when Jared Padalecki.

MICKI AND CORDELL(AND TREY!) SOLVING THE CASE TOGETHER!!!

‘‘micki gives a play by play of the security footage’‘ ‘‘we’re watching the same thing micki’‘ *bitchface* PLS I LOVE THEM.

Holy shit Mrs. Harlan having an affair with Monty??? ENZO BEING BOB’S SON??? HOT DAMN THE CASE CONTINUES. Again. LOVE THE WORK/FAMILY BALANCE.

OK OK SO THE SCENE IN WHICH MICKI AND WALKER CONFRONT SHAW AND THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER BEFORE MICKI GETS IN THE CAR WITH SHAW WHEN THE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!!! YES. YES. MY SOULFOOD.

I loved the way they worked it out. Phonecall, recording everything, THEM PARTNERING AND WORKING IT OUT SO BEAUTIFULLY I NEED SO MANY MORE CORDIREZ CENTRIC EPS YALL DONT EVEN KNOW.

‘‘walker! bulldog it!!’‘ HSHJDSHDSJ YES.

PLS I SCREAMED WHEN SHAW PULLED THE GUN ON MICKI.

BUT SHE IS SUCH A FUCKING QUEEN BADASS I LOVE HER.

Success!!!! The Micki and Walker and Larry scene at the end was so cute! I like how they’re actually invested in their jobs and want to do good it’s so heartwarming.

WALKER CALLING TREY TO FIND OUT MICKI’S FAV THINGS!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also I genuinely love that Trey wasn’t weirded out by it or jealous or anything.  Can’t wait to see them interact I NEED IT!.

‘‘thanks for believing in me’‘ ‘‘i didnt. i trusted you.’’ HELP STOP MY FEELS.

‘‘thanks beau’‘ don’t mention it flor’‘ I DIED I DIED I DIED. MICKI AND WALKER I LOVE YOU. JKSJD MICKI WARMING UP TO THE MIDDLE NAME. THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST.

That last scene with Walker and his mom was so touching. Walker’s relationship with his parents is so sweet. His mom hugging him and comforting him when Walker said he missed emily so much *cries* I just wanna hold him please. 

August being worried for his father’s happiness I JUST. YOU SWEET BOY. I really think messaging Twyla was a baaaaddd move though.

WALKER AND AUGUST SELFIE. The way Walker so easily just picked his son and brought him to him, made him family photographer and that scene. THE BEST. 

I genuinely don’t think anything happened between Twyla and Walker. But we’ll have to see.

oKAY SO. Captain James??? It’s just an on and off thing. Do I trust him? Do i don’t? Why did he take those surveillance vids out??? I trust Liam with it and i’m glad he’s looking into it and all. Hopefully it doesn’t backfire badly. I have a very bad feeling that James had something to do with Emily’s death.

THAT STELLA AND BELLE INTERACTION. SO CUTE. Stella giving that jar of jame to try and make up and Belle being all cute and funny I love them. For a sec i was so scared Belle might yell at her but I’m very happy to see that they’re going strong despite all the circumstances- Belle’s parent’s deportation.

ALSO TREVOR IS SO HOT??? I like him and Stella they’re cute. Stella so obviously has a huge crush on him and they ride horses so well together. HHAHAHAH THAT DANCE STELLA DID WHEN HE FOLLOWED HER ON INSTA. SO RELATABLE.

The last Tricki scene mY HEART. ‘’you wanted a hero so you drew one. then you became one’’ Micki is going to be such an inspiration I love her. And the way they interacted, Trey getting a job!!! And Micki’s excitement, THEIR HUG!!! ‘’hugging is one of my superpowers’’ TREY BARNETT I LOVE YOU.

THAT LAST SCENE WHY LEAVE IT LIKE THIS. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHY DOES WALKER OR DUKE APPARENTLY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Anyways! As you can see the entire episode was so enjoyable and I loved it. The best part of this was definitely the Cordirez friendship development and i cannot wait to see where it goes from here!

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 5:- So it’s for sure that Walker is going back undercover as Duke who’s a baseball...person? Idk he was wearing a baseball hat so :) Walker’s past is now very much mixed in with his present and I AM SCARED. What he’s doing is yet to be revealed but Tywla is coming back and that will just. mess. things. up. The scene in which Walker is yelling at August GOD SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It feels like him and his kids might go back to how they were before. I really don’t want that to happen. Also why am I expecting a major cliffhanger. 

HEY BUT THERE’S SHIRTLESS WALKER AND! MICKI RIDING THAT MECHANICAL HORSE IN A BAR OR SMTH AND MORE INSIGHT INTO WHAT TREY IS DOING SO IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

And it’s going on hiatus. Idk how to deal with that. :(

[captain-aralias]

End of Year in Fandom meme

i know on tumblr the tradition is to post a list and then wait for people to ask you before just telling them all your thoughts... but i come from livejournal where we answer all the questions. 

here are my thoughts about the things that i really liked in 2019. 

if no one reads it, that’s cool! if you do read it - that’s cool too. please talk to me about any of these things. i have strong feelings about them.

Your main fandom this year?

this was, of course, 'carry on'. now there are two books, it might be time to start trying to call the fandom 'the simon snow books', but i don't think it's going to stick.

it's a nice fandom. not overwhelmingly big, but active enough that it's engaging. lots of people's first fandom.

Your favourite film watched this year?

movies is where i'm weakest now music has been removed from the list because i'm been watching long-running TV instead of 2-hour things, mostly.

i really liked the netflix christmas movie 'klaus' - but i would say, my favourite movie was 'steven universe - the movie' which is notable in that it's a movie of a TV show, but for reals. it was SO GOOD. i thought the structure worked really well as a movie, and the fact that it was longer than 10 minutes meant we got lots of proper-length songs :D

Your favourite book read this year?

ok! this is easier. i read lots of great books this year, mostly pratchett. many of which i think i've read before, but my memory is bad and it was a long time ago. there were only a few that i really really felt like i'd read before, like 'night watch' and 'going postal - which are still my favourite-favourites.

the best ones i either hadn't read before at all or remembered very little of were 'wee free men' and the 'amazing maurice'. also, all the middle vimes books - like, had i read 'the fifth elephant' before? i don't know. but it rocked.

also this year - there was a new 'invisible library' book (genieve cogman) which was about a heist (i love it!), two new 'murder most unladylike' (robin stevens), and right at the beginning of the year, 'the wicked king' (book 2 of 'the folk of the air' by holly black - who has never fully worked for me until this series. now it's amazing'.

'wayward son' was my most anticipated book, but it wasn't my favourite of the year even tough i have three copies of it, plus the audiobook, plus the kindle book. i feel for it in a different way than i feel for other books as it is my fandom and it's special to me in a way none of the other books are. it's also not bad, like some anticipated things have been - it just wasn't exactly what i wanted.

but, you know - bring on 'any way the wind blows'. it's set at watford. i am down for that.

Your favourite tv show of the year?

TOO MUCH CHOICE, ARGH.

2019 was, for me, the year of (animated) television shows that blew my mind with how much i loved them. if i had to choose one... i'd have to go for 'ladybug' but it's a tough call.

i love 'ladybug', even though it's a monster of the week show for kids that is written in another language and dubbed. somehow it transcends this and is SO GOOD and fun.

closely followed by:

steven universe (of course)

mob psycho 100. (how the hell did it get so good so fast? the first episode was like, eh, i guess this fine, and then it was about FRIENDSHIP, and growing up, and compassion.)

my hero academia (a late entry, i literally watched it last week. SO GOOD OMG)

yuri on ice!!!

haiyku!!

i also really enjoyed/am enjoying 'she-ra' and i'm enjoying 'the dragon prince'.

did we watch anything that had real people in it? yes. (i also watched a lot of starkid musicals - which doesn't fit anywhere on the list). but it wasn't as good.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

see above.

all the anime and ladybug are all massive fandoms/massive megafandoms that i'd never heard of because i am an ignorant westerner (this is what tumblr is good for, to be fair to it - forcing you to interact with random stuff that people who share one of your interests are also interested in - i have found many things that i like from seeing gifs of them). i read some yuri fic but i didn't want it to suck me in, before i was read to leave 'carry on'... so i backed away. i haven't read any 'ladybug' fic for the same reason.

and i dont ship stuff in BNHA so what's the point? (except maybe all might/eraser head, but i think maybe that' because i like them both the most as characters and they've been in some scenes together. and are adults. and all might is really gay - not a good reason to write fic) (or is it?) (no - i've got lots of 'carry on' stuff to write......)

Your biggest fandom disappointment?

it feels like the answer should be 'wayward son' after what i wrote above, but i wasn't actually disappointed at all, if that makes sense. although i wanted to be filled with overwhelming love, i didn't expect it - it was more like i was desperate to read the book (particularly because loads of people got it early, but i didn't) and my head was just full of white noise for weeks during september. even things like the 'steven universe' movie coming out didn't stop my brain saying 'WHERE IS WAYWARD SON???'

and then when i got it was like - yeah, this is all right - not my favourite, but now i know what happens i can process it. what a relief.

ok! i know what my actual biggest disappointment was - i REALLY wanted to like the new 'his dark materials'. it looked great! it was long - which i thought would mean it would be good. i had lin manuel miranda in it!

but i didn't get past the first episode. it just had far too many random boring scenes, and james mcavoy was all wrong for asriel, and i just hated it.

Your tv boyfriend of the year?

HMMMM... as usual, i love too many. (erin is well aware of this terrible state of affairs - if there's a rubbish and yet strangely competent stringey man in something, she knows i will like them too much).

i probably feel closest to adrien agreste, even though reigen arataka (mob psycho) is exactly my type.

and let's not even talk about how beautiful viktor nikiforov is. it should not be allowed.

Your tv girlfriend of the year?

this one is easier (alas indeed - we watch television programmes about MEN). it's marinette dupain-cheng. she is so smart and kind!

also - the worst witch wasn't very good this year (so it didn't get on the list, see above), but hectate hardbroom is still great.

and, of course, i have always loved the doctor. is it right to put the doctor here? people have started using non-binary pronouns now. idk - i'm going to say she's a woman right now.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?

eeeeer.........

renaissance faire sword fight in 'wayward son' maybe? (it was about 7am, i can't really remember but i think i was happy)

or something like - spoilers - the end of the most recent season of haikyu!! you'd think - surely the heroes will win, but what i've learned in anime is that sometimes... they don't. and so i was genuinely invested in whether or not they would get into the nationals. and THEY DID!!!!

The most missed of your old fandoms?

B7 - i definitely miss it more than doctor who, athough obviously i did go back for thirteen. (i liked the series - it was perfectly nice, and i was one of the people who didn't want a female doctor because the doctor's always been a rubbish man and i thought that was part of his thing. but now that there is a female doctor i'm much more like - shit, i wish i was the doctor, but i guess she's really good. the episodes themselves are just fine, though. it doesn't make me fannish)

i wrote a thing for 'blake's 7' because i was asked to by someone who is really lovely, and i met up with mrsunderhill from tumblr and we talked about fic stuff - and she told me that a lot of russian-speaking fandom followed me from doctor who to B7, which i did not know. (hello russian-speaking fans, if you are here).

but it was hard going - i realised i'd lost the knack, but also how great the show is. i probably won't read any more who fic unless it's by people i know, but i would still read B7.

just probably not anymore 1990s gen. i started selling the zines that i know i'm not interested in.

The fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to?

i already said 'don't tempt me, frodo!'

i'll go looking once i'm fed up with 'carry on' and not before.

[leninette]

4, 6, 22, 24 & 43 for the book thing!!!

4.Is there a book that you think needs a bigger fandom??

yes!!!!!!!!! War & Peace!!!!! PLEASE THERE IS BASICALLY NOTHING IN THE TUMBLR TAGS OF WAR AND PEACE AND I NEED ALL THE MEMES ALL THE DISCUSSIONS ALL THE ANALYSIS PLEASE I NEED IT I WANNA BE A PART OF IT IM DYING PLEASE IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABOUT DEPRESSED MISERABLE RUSSIANS HMU BBY

6.Can you ever stop in the middle of a page or do you have to finish the page or chapter first??

always. finish the chapter. because im not a coward

22.Tell us a little about your writing.

:// okay. basically i really want to write since forever but the first idea about the story actually came to be a year ago? i was into romanticism during that time and i wanted my writing to be really flowery and full of metaphors and allegories. and now i Really want to write but nothing i write ever satisfies me and honestly nothing i read either. But im into dystopia and i wish i could write something dystopian/satiric but also fit quality sentences and lesbians in it. Kinda like George Orwell but lesbians and also longer sentences. youre not gonna get it soon tho

24. Have you read a book that was really hyped up but you didn’t enjoy??

basically all the YA fantasy ever. YA disappoints me for the most part. I mean i read shit ton of it when i was 11/12 but looking back it was just shit ton of junk

43. Free rant, go ahead, we all know you want to.

okay babes i think im going to have to split it in few here

1.in so many genres and 60s-70s sci fi especially women are overly sexualized and when theyre not their only personality trait is being female and i Detest that so much. and i hate to bring it up because i always sound like a radical feminist but thats something that really pisses me off. some books do a really good job actually writing female characters (talking about classics bc thats what i read the most recently, especially if theyre written by women) but on the other hand some of them dont (obv). and idk if this is stupid but in classics male characters are seen as neutral kind of and female characters are never neutral by those means and always kind of affected by being female but thats probably bc im reading books by male authors 

ON THAT NOTE look i cant really judge bc i know war and peace was written in 19th century by tolstoy who hated his own wife but like. yeah no one can disagree that all the characters in war and peace are perfectly balanced and so realistic that its unrealistic and it kind of is part of the reality of that time (or it doesnt have to be, as in books of Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf women are portrayed as three dimensional characters despite of their stance in society?) but all his female characters are before anything else just young ladies waiting for their fiances to come back from the war/wanting to get well married and they are all kind of driven by that. i might be wrong but yeahh if you wanna discuss just hmu im ready for criticism

2.i hate it that so many people who have nothing new to say Write books and kind of show them off as if its a revolutionary masterpiece. some people say that there is no bad writing but there is. unfortunately. and i always feel like i shouldnt write because there are too many words in this world already and i have nothing to say that wasnt already said and i hate when books just get repetative and try to bend ideas that were already exposed before.

thank you claudia i love you!!

[cowboypossume]

sdfghj I'm so sorry for coming back to this so late I am living in Tumblr bliss without checking my inbox but a) babe is totally fine I love that!! and my names aru (no a, you were close though!!)

yeah I'm like...halfway ash through the book? Simon snow needs a break but I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T GOOD

AND SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING TO YOUR DMs I'm really bad at messaging I'll try to get better!!!

hey hey don’t sweat about the dm thing ! the inbox is something i can learn to do :D !!! but ok you and spoilers throughout literally the entire and this is gonna be a lot and unedited (mostly) because BEHZYZTGZYSHSYHZUENEUSBS IM SO U P S E T

undeather the - - - - - - is when the spoilers stop

ok, ok, getting striaght to the point. it’s so horny. it’s so horny. and for W H A T ? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE REASON FOR IT TOBE T H A T HORNY? AND EVEN THEN ALL OF THE SEX STUFF WAS SO V A U G E ? LIKE EVERY TIME SIMON AND BAZ WERE TOGETHER IT TYRNED INTO SEX AND YES OK AS AN ACE I G E T HOW MUCH SEX CAN COME UP, BUT LIKE, ENDYXHZYGSHSYZGE WHAT WAS THAT?? IT WASNT EVEN WELL WRITTEN! IT WAS JUST SIMON BEING LIKE “i want more but it’s not enough” AND LIKE NOT REALLY ELABORATING ?? AND THEN THEYD BE SHARING A CUTE MOMENT THEN *bam* HORNY AGAIN? OK ALSO AS FAR I KNOW RAINBOW ROWELLE IS A CIS HET STRAIGHT WOMEN .. BABE WE DONT NEED THAT MUCH SEX BETWEEN THE MLM RELATIONSHIP??? AND THEN WJEN THEY ACTUALLY KIND OF EVEN HAVE SEX ITS SO V A U G E (AGAIN!) ITS NOT UNTIL SEVERAL PAGES LATER I REALIZED THAT THAT TIME WAS ACTUALLY SEX VS ALL THE TIMES IT WASNT? I DIDNT LIKE IT !!

ok now that i’m done being upset about how fucking vague it was, i also didn’t like how it was used as a metaphor for simon wanting to actually try in a relationship? yes it’s important to try in relationships and compromise and try when you don’t want to, that’s important, obviously, but like ,, you’re allowed to have your own believes about sex. that doesn’t have to be the soul focus of your relationship. baz himself even admits that they “have bigger things to worry about”. there are ways to show growth in a relationship without sex, and even if you do, IT DOESNT NEED TO BE THAT VAUGE?? AND OFTEN? simon felt overwhelmed in those positions and then was like “ok lol i’m done with anxiety and just gonna try now and no more anxiety :)” it felt like to me? and then bam bow horny. ALSO. ITS NOW CANNONICAL SIMON HAS A BLOOD KINK ????

ALSO! THAT SCENE IN THE SEWER WAS BAZ BEING LIKE

“please fucking stop about asking me to drain you. i’m makes me so uncomfortable and scared and stop.”

and simon was like “but it’s hotttttt”. WHAT ?? BABE WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO NEXT POINT: WHY? WHY THE FUCK DID SIMON GROWL??? W H A T?? WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT THE FUCK WAS HIM G R OW L I N G WHEN HE SPOKE??

and ok something i didn’t fit in before was all the weird ways the kissing scenes were described? i’m from america so maybe it’s like a dialect thing i don’t understand, but constantly hearing “i shove my nose into his face” while they were kissing was so weird?? like shove, similar words i frankly don’t want to remember, we’re used all the time? and for what? hmmm??? what was that?????? i cant express to you how of a fever dream this book was?? but ohohoho i have more to unpack.

penny to me always felt like the token diversity friend when it wasn’t in her point of view (and even then pushing it) and so i didn’t love her character. but!! her and simon’s friendship was realistic. i could get behind that. HOWEVER. THIS BOOK TAKES THAT AWAY. SIMON once is like “give me space” and then she’s just like “ok” and i feel like their friendship never got repaired at the end? i stopped really paying attention because fucking shit i was so tired of the constant sex between baz and simon that i zoned out most of it so maybe it did but ,, i don’t think it did. i’m pretty sure she got with shepard and then he got with baz and then that was the end of the friendship because ✨ooooo we’re dating people✨ thing. which ,, isn’t how it happens??

and while we’re here: i didn’t like the penny and shepard ship but whatever it felt like it was inevitable like female x male loki so i was like “huh disappointed but not surprised” feeling when they kissed. if you like it, cool great (/gen), i didnt and that’s swaggy but, ok, the plot of shepard being engaged to a female demon who i think wants to fuck him in hell only to be resolved in like 2 pages of a monologue so penny and shepard can get together was ?? so WEIRD ??? like what was that ?? how did that develop their relationship? idk it was so weird.

but ok back to simon and penny, i kept reading and reading and reading on so i could maybe get to at least talk again and then,, they didn’t? they just didn’t. they never made up their friendship and i get that you lose friends along your life. believe me i’m the last person you have to drive that point home to. but,,,,, god i hated that their friendship ended. for WHAT REASON DID IT END?? simon said he needed space, penny respected that, got a boyfriend and simon did too, so no longer theyre friends? something i liked about this series was the group dynamic all of the books had. no matter who’s pov it was in you could tell who each character was because it was unqiue. you still could in this book so i’ll give credit where credit’s due. however THIS BOOK WAS LIKE 3 ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORIES WITH NO CONECTJON REWLLY ?? WHICH IS FINE I JUST ,, didn’t get that in the first two books so ,,,, why is it here ?

and ok something else while i’m criticizing is: i don’t love her writing style. i didn’t like how in book one i got “here’s an introduction to my magical word told through past tense and memories and so hopefully you’re all caught up now” which i was willing to overlook because just because i don’t like the style means it bad. at least this book didn’t do that but idk didn’t love that aspect.

ok back to the three stories: i love agatha being a bisexual goat care taker. that’s it literally she should have been the main character. like deadass i loved her story so much. that’s it that’s all /pos.

ok but! simon finding his family was cool. i liked that he got that. the pacing of the scene where he finds out was a little rushed for me but, then again, based on my writing i can’t really critique on that so … liked it, enough. idk how to elaborate. wasn’t the worst part of this book but doesn’t really sit well with me.

and i’m so confused about simon’s wings. he does want them and constantly brings up his surgery and then all of a sudden ,, doesn’t? i think? the last chapter is so vague and simon mentions being on the fence about it and i understand that we as the reader don’t need to know everything about what the future holds for these characters but also ?? beudhyzhsgsbeysyzb babe he brought it up like all the time and can i please get a solid answer ??

aLSO. WHY DID SIMON AND BAZ BREAKUP ONLY FOR THEM TO GET TOGETHER 5 CHAPTERS LATER?? WHAYDYXYZGWH WHAT WAS THE POINT OF WAYWAYRD SON IF SHE JUST DID THAT???? LIKE WHXGXYVZYZHE YOU MADE THEM STAY TOGETHER WHEN SIMON WAS BEING AN ACTUAL DICK FOR AN ENTIRE BOOK (which i will defend until the day i die those scenes weren’t an OUNCE of how horny this book is), THEY BREAKUP, AND THEN GET TOGETHER AGAIN?? NOT EVEN 100 PAGES AFTER THEY BREAKUP??? SHZGZGZYSGSU W H A T? WHAT? I DONT GET IT? i don’t get it.

i kept waiting for the scene where everything came together and it never came. then the epilogue didn’t clarify anything either.

i don’t know. there’s more probably i just didn’t enjoy this book. i would have given it a 5/10 the first time i read it but the more i think about it the lower that number goes so ,, yea not a good time.

- - - - - -

so! that’s a lot! completely get it if you disagree :D. you’re allowed to like a book even though i don’t. and also i have no energy to edit this so enjoy me screaming about it !

[maryniss]

How Does Waiting Sound?

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Summary:   How did Dazai named his ability?

Why won't Oda leave Dazai?

***

On a last mission before leaving the Port Mafia, Dazai and Chuuya finally find the perfect name for Dazai's ability.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Relationships: 

Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Dazai Osamu&Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Characters:

Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs) Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs) Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs) Original Female Character(s) Yoko Ogawa

Tags: oh boy here we go - Freeform;thats why i dont like writing long fics because of the tags;anyway;Drugs;Drugs Made Them Do It;Underage Drinking;does chuuya care they are underage?fucking no;oh yeah;Swearing;Angst;Light Angst;Fluff;Nakahara Chuuya is ticklish;Blood and Violence;i selected blood kink accidentally there are no kinks here;Murder Family;Odasaku Hunts Dazai's Thoughts;Riding Motorcycles(aka Jenna)’Motorcycles;I love Chuua's motorbike as much as I love cherry's carla’Port Mafia Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs);But he quits the very next day so not pm dazai really idk;Tags Are Hard;i wrote this because the thought of how dazai named his ability kept me up at night;and yeh;I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping;soukoku kiss i forgot to tell y'all that;Gentle Kissing

Notes: Pfff...cant believe i finished this im so happy rn. so i have one important thing to say before.

YOKO OGAWA is a real Japanese writer. This here doesn't make any assumptions about her real life persona, this is only a fanfic. That is all.

OK, yo now lets see. So, what is this fic really about? idk but soukoku kiss so im happy with that.listened to this while writing hehe

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mIVbG8EnA6JgSqzgk87pA?si=LVJB_uZyRQqIIMejQeSzgg

           Dazai smiles, even if he is not happy.

           Dazai smiles because he is happy.

           Dazai never cries.

           He smiled at that moment when his life changed. That day when he got a good beating from a child much smaller than him (even if that stubborn redhead would never agree with him about their height)

           Dazai always thought that he was special. He was indeed. After all, the people around him were human. They died. Everyday. Every single day, before his eyes. Sometimes, he killed them himself. Other times, he had to witness blood shed from afar.

           It still hurt. But, he got used to it. He was strong enough to do so. It was like he didn’t feel it anymore, actually. Just like when you get used to the sound of a broken clock; it is as if it never existed in the first place.

           But, Dazai felt something, he was just burrowed too deep into his thoughts to reach his feelings. He... he felt like he was...

           No Longer Human. Dazai spent a lot of time thinking about the name of his ability (and, no, we would never tell anyone how it got that name; personal reasons) and he concluded that it fit perfectly.

           Walking down on a random street, Dazai thought about it again. Actually, he had told somebody about the origin of his ability’s name. The sun threw pretty, orange, almost transparent curtains of light, making Dazai seem like an angel that has just ascended from Hell.

           He stopped and looked around himself. He knew that his instincts would not fool him; he knew the street he was on.

           If he turned around the corner, he would find the bar, the same as always. Unchanged, as his feelings. 

           He hated himself. Not only when he was going to the bar, even though he promised himself that he would never go there again. Not only when he let everyone around him down. Not only when he did what he thought was right instead of what he wanted.

           He hated himself in general. And, to tell you a secret, there was only one other person Dazai hated. 

           He entered in the bar and, as always he saw Oda sitting there.

           “Were have you been? You are late! , “smiled his friend with a drink already prepared in his hand.

           Dazai sat down in the cold and empty room. He did not have time to tell Odasaku how he got to name his ability. 

           “The usual?, “ asked the bartender.

           “Mhm, sure.” 

           Dazai relaxed against the back of the chair. There was a clock in that room, but it was broken. 

           “Hard day?” Odasaku’s tone was concerned. Dazai smiled to himself and nodded.

           “Kind of. How about you?”

           “Nothing special.”

           The barman brought two glasses of whiskey and put them on the table. Dazai looked at them and saw nothing, nothing more than the person who should have drank that, right next to him.

           “You know, actually, there is something that I want to tell you.”

           Oda left his glass back on the counter and smiled at Dazai. 

           “Do tell. I am pretty bored. What could happen that would make you want to talk like that, so suddenly?” 

           Tik-tok-tik-tik-tok. The clock on the wall sang its broken song.

           “It’s not a so good story; but I want to tell you.”

           “Ok, I am listening, Dazai.”

           The brown-haired man inhaled deeply and looked at the glass in his hand. He then drank it all and slammed it against the table. The drink next to him was untouched. Dazai called for the bartender and ordered two more drinks. 

           “Ok, so where should I start?” Tik-tik-tok-tok-tik-tok.

           “From where you see fit.”

           Dazai tried to remember. The details of the day his life had once again taken a 180 turn. It        was late spring, or maybe already summer, and the sun was setting almost shyly. 

           “Yeah, it was a golden afternoon. And the sun was smiling down upon…”

           “Wait, I already know this story.” Dazai looked puzzled. He was sure he never told Oda this one. Their drinks were waiting on the counter. Tree, in total and one empty glass.

           “Are you sure? I don’t remember...”

           “No, I don’t actually know this one in particular. But, I do know who this is about.”

           Dazai understood then and he smiled melancholically. The Oda in his hallucinations really knew him that well, huh? He bet that the real one would have also guessed.

           “Whenever you talk about that person, you get all poetic and dramatic, as you are covering yourself with another layer of protection, so that no one can see into your heart. “

           Dazai gulped and took a mouthful of whiskey. The alcohol burned down his throat, and then up again to his brain. It was not a big problem; Dazai could handle his drinks quite well (or so he thought).

           “Well, you are right, but you’ll hear me anyway, right? It’s not like you have a place to be. And this one it’s not like all the stories about Chuuya that I told you before.” 

           Dazai may sound all confident when he talked; but deep in his heart, in that numb place of his heart, where he could not reach his frozen emotions, he was scared. If he would had have problems with his kidneys, he would probably piss himself very often and not only because of his disease.

           Oda sighed and the clock on the wall did too. The sound of something that doesn’t function anymore.

           “Of course, go on. I won’t interrupt you anymore.”

***

           “Oi, I can’t believe that old geezer! Putting us to work when he is relaxing in some exotic country! ,”said Chuuya, not so subtly, drawing other’s people attention. The afternoon sun was making him look like an angel that had just descended from Heaven. His hair was high-up in a ponytail and it was the first time Dazai saw him without his hat.

           He was beautiful, not that Dazai would ever admit that to Chuuya, god no! He wouldn’t even admit it to himself. He always caught himself staring; against his own will, of course. He liked to look into Chuuya’s eyes. Because he felt like they were alike. They tried to hide their feelings; or, better said, never got a chance to expose them in the first place.

           Chuuya’s eyes were always full of light. Nor hatred, nor any other emotion tainted them. They were pure and Dazai admired him for that. He would never tell Chuuya that, again, that was a very big no.

           But, it was something. To have eyes blue like the sea, like the reflection of a world full of freedom, like the blue sky Dazai could never see completely. Everything was written there.

           “Now, where is that building and those bastards? Let’s kick their assess quicker, ‘cause I wanna   drink something.” Dazai smiled at his partner and showed him to turn left.

           “Oh, Chuuya, but you are still underage! You can’t drink! , “ said Dazai, being surprised at his own words. It was not like him to make such comments. Irrational and not funny at all.

           “You really are dumb, right? If I am going to go beat some guys and steal whatever, I am sure that I am allowed to drink. It’s not like I have respected the law before.”

           They walked down a dark alley, chatting or fighting or both at the same time, because that’s how their conversations usually work. Dazai telling Chuuya that he liked his shoes; Chuuya checking to see if he really did take his good pair today;  Dazai shattering all of his hopes down and laughing everything off; and then Chuuya smacking his partner and mumbling not-so-beautiful nicknames.

           That’s how they work. Like a broken clock.

           But, even broken clocks strike sometimes the right hour. They may have seem to not pay attention around them, but it was quite the opposite actually.

           They knew they reached their destination, so they tried to focus on the shadows around them; on the sounds of steps that were so loud, even if both Chuuya and Dazai could feel the effort of the people following them to not be heard.

           They silently looked at each other.

           “We finish this fast and then we go to drink somethin’?”

           “Ok, but if you get drunk you’ll let me drive your motorcycle.” Chuuya seemed to hesitate, but he also didn’t want to go drinking alone. He was not afraid or something, it just felt lonely…

           They finally reached the building from where they were supposed to extract…

           “What are we supposed to take from here? , “ whispered Chuuya. “ Is there some human trafficking that we should take care of?”

           “I think that somebody took something from Mori-san, like documents or boring things like that, “whispered Dazai back.

           “I swear that I’ll kill that man if he ever sends me to bring him some piece of paper.” Dazai chuckled and looked one more time at the building.

           Yeah, of course it had to be a night club. Why did fancy people (or actually people who considered themselves fancy) always came to nightclubs? Where were they supposed to search for those papers? In somebody’s underwear, or what?      

           And this one didn’t look like a very expensive one. The big sigh with “ NightClub Insomnia” shined pink and green, those cheap neon ones. The windows were dark, so you could not see inside. Or maybe there were just some thick curtains.

           Chuuya moved forward and stopped, making  a disgusted face.

           “Eww, here smells like piss and bear.”

           “Let’s go inside then, though I think that there smells even worse, “  answered Dazai. The moon was already high in the sky, illuminating Chuuya’s fragile silhouette. The brown-haired man almost laughed at himself. Fragile? Yeah, sure. He should say that after he beats Chuuya at a one-on-one fight; though he liked when he is being pinned down, and when the redhead smirks triumphantly from above him, his long hair almost brushing over Dazai’s lips…

           “Are we going or are you afraid that you’ll be kicked out because you are  a minor?”

           Dazai snapped out of his dreams and focused on the mission at hand. After they are done, he would go with Chuuya to drink. And he has time to admire his partner (and hate himself for doing so) afterwards.

           “Well, if the police catches us, we can just beat them.”

           And, so, Dazai and Chuuya entered on the club’s door.

           From afar, Yoko Ogawa was observing them. She gestured and her guardians nodded.

           The woman resisted licking her lips ( a nervous tic that she has since she was little)  as she looked at the two young boys trying to make their way through the crowd. The night has only started, and she already had them where she wanted.

           Lights, loud music, neon colors, dancing, people and sweat, drugs, drinking, and the smell of cheap wine and beer, mixed with another one that Chuuya had sensed since he first arrived. An old woman sitting in the corner, wishing she had listened to her wife. She should have took some lip balm with him.

           Well, it was not so important. Because, that night was the night she would catch the Double Black. Soukoku. She would be the one to do so.

           Soukoku, huh? Just a bunch of kiddos. Yoko Ogawa had two reasons that forced her to break her first marriage, and another two that forced him to get married again with her second wife, the one that was always telling her to use lip balm.

           The first reason that determined her to divorce from his wife was that she was not good with children. She didn’t have the patience, the determination to play with such despicable creatures.

           And there was another one… oh yeah. Because she accidentally killed his children.

           Well, this was her wife’s fault! She should have not left her with them!

           She did once, she could do it again. She whispered: “You are dead, Soukoku”, but the club’s liveliness made his words seem dull and not true at all.

***

             There are 3 glasses still full of whiskey on the table. There are 3 glasses with only the ice left in them.

           “It’s pretty hard to tell this story in the 3rd person,” sighs Dazai, propping his head in his hand. The room is still empty and cold; he gathers all the drink in one place and puts them in a circle.  

           “Why are you telling it in 3rd person then? You can… , “ he stopped and reached for the glasses that Dazai was playing with. “ That’s mine, you can order more if you want to do whatever you were doing with them.”

           “Ok, ok here you are.”

           “Thanks. So, why are you not using the first person?”

           “Well, that’s because this is not only my story. You’ll see.”

           The clock made a disharmonic sound. The room was quiet then for a while and Dazai took another deep breath. That was the moment that their plan to go drinking went wrong. Though Dazai got to ride Chuuya’s motorbike afterwards.

***

           “You were right, it really does smell worse here,” yelled Chuuya, trying to make himself heard over the sound of the tasteless music that some DJ- Chuuya would very much like to go and teach that DJ what good music was supposed to sound like- was playing.

           “I don’t know what you are saying. This smell kind of reminds me of your apartment. There is the same smell of cheap wine and…”

           “That’s because of a certain someone only buying me wine at the smallest price!”

           “You should go buy your own wine then!” A woman, almost naked of course, approached Dazai and put her hands on his shoulders. The brown-haired man pushed the woman away; her breath was smelling like beer and there was another odor, a musky and sour one that made Dazai scrunch his nose.

           “I am sorry, but I have no such tastes in women,” said Dazai and went on, trying to catch up with Chuuya. He could his small partner ahead of him, avoiding the strippers that were coming for him like a wild group of animals comes for its prey.

           “Chuuya, look there!,” shouted Dazai, trying to get the chibi’s attention. Chuuya turned to him and followed the direction that Dazai was showing with his hand.

           There were the men that they had to meet to retrieve the documents. Port Mafia didn’t like to spill blood uselessly. So, Mori-san gave them the order to try and negotiate first for the documents, giving them some money in return.

           Neither Dazai, nor Chuuya understood the old man. They could just beat those guys and take the documents and that was.

           It was almost as if there was something that they didn’t know; as if they were fooled; as if they were going right inside a trap.

           Yeah, Dazai knew that was very probably. A trap. He was more than sure about it. He didn’t know if Chuuya realized this; but he trusted his partner. He knew that Chuuya could protect himself, even if he was being in disadvantage. For fuck’s sake, Chuuya was literally a god, so Dazai should not worry about the redhead so much.

           The brown-haired man looked around. An elegant dressed woman, wearing red lipstick, her hair tied up in a practical bun, sitting on a celadon sofa, that was probably bought from the SecondHand shop next to the club; Dazai could tell that the sofa was not very comfortable, but what could you expect from such a place? She didn’t seem like a bad person. Besides her, there were two women. Dazai scanned them quickly. A gun hung loosely next to their hip. It was pretty dark, but Dazai could also see the shine of some small, sharp blades. Total: around six. There could also be some hidden ones, in their boots, their hair and maybe even a small bomb in their mouth. He was not so sure, but they needed to pay attention.

           Chuuya and Dazai looked at each other. After years of missions when they needed to be silent, they developed some kind of secret language only between two them; almost like they could reach each other’s minds and pull out the thoughts directly from there.

           “Do they pose a threat to us?”

           “Maybe to you, I am capable of protecting myself.”            “Ok, but you won’t let me die this time, no?”

           “…did I ever let you down, Dazai?”

           Dazai smiled.

           “No, chibi, let’s go. We do this quick and then we go to that new bar, right?”

           “I swear, if you call me…” Chuuya stopped mid-sentence, looking somewhere between Dazai. He blinked four times and then he took hold of Dazai’s hand.

           “We gotta go, Dazai. This is not ok. Fuck the files, this is a big ass trap. We haven’t been careful enough…”

           Dazai turned to see what frightened Chuuya so. He blinked himself, telling himself that it was impossible. This mission should have been an easy one. What kind of Ability User did they have the luck to stumble across this time?

           The club was slowly melting, its walls, people and everything peeling down, letting bright sunlight come in.

           “Come on, Dazai, move!” The brown-haired man needn’t be told twice. It was not like them to run; normally, Dazai would not run with Chuuya. But, that day was the last day when he would be recognized, officially, as a member of the Port Mafia. He did not want to go around, killing people as some kind of maniac.

           He was crazy, he knew that already. But, even crazy people had their moments. Just like broken clocks.

           And, Chuuya always run. Not because there was something that he could not handle. Dazai bet that his partner could fight with a dragon from those fairytales Oda used to read kids before sleep and he would win, without even scratching himself. Maybe he was foolish and greedy to think that Chuuya was scared for him, for Dazai; maybe he was just blinded by the light coming from Chuuya’s eyes to think that the redhead really did care for him that much.

           “Ok, Chuuya, let’s go.” They did not get out in time. They didn’t and Dazai is somewhat glad because of that.

***

           “Could you just bring me an entire bottle? I am feeling bad for always telling you to bring two more glasses of whiskey,” chuckled Dazai, not a hint of nervousness in his tone. The barman nodded. Dazai looked at the bar’s door and then at the clock on the wall. He could almost hear Ango coming in, mumbling something to himself, and then taking a seat next to Dazai, sighing and ordering something to drink.

           Dazai knew that he would never come here again.

           “Well, what happened then? Why did you stop?” Oda looked at him with tired eyes, yet ready to find out whatever Dazai wanted to tell him.

           “Just a moment of silence. I thought about my friend who died right before this story took place.” Tik-tok-tok-tik…

           “Oh? Do I know them? Who is this friend of yours?”

           “You.”

           The bartender came with two bottles in his hands and put them on the counter.

           “I only said one, though.”

           “The other one is for the man right there,” said he, nodding towards the empty chair where Odasaku should have been.

           “There is no one there.” The bartender lifted his shoulders and shook his head. He filled his arms with the empty glasses Dazai had drank and smiled fondly at the only client that was still coming to his bar. And then he left, leaving Dazai with the sound of a broken clock and his very own hallucinations.

           “I can’t believe that you didn’t order one bottle for me,” laughed Oda, punching Dazai lightly. The brown-haired man sighed; it really was a mistake to come there, but it didn’t matter anymore.

           “Old men can’t handle their drinks,” answered he, sipping the remaining whiskey from his glass.

           “Hey, I’m only five years older than you.”

           “You are…” Dazai bit his tongue. He almost said “dead”. “Ok, let’s continue the story, then. If not, I feel like I am going to fall asleep and you will never know what happened.” Oda nodded and Dazai started to tell his story again.

***

           Chuuya and Dazai did not stop to look; they had enough experience to be able to apply the rule number 1 in such cases: never look. You can think about it afterwards. First survive.

            The club was collapsing, the people transforming into thin smoke threads. Glass shattered on the floor had also started to disappear and then there was no sign of the location where Dazai and Chuuya should have had a nice and reasonable conversation to take back those documents.

           They were now on an island, both of them could hear the distinctly sound of waves of the sea. Seagulls flew above them and as both of them stared up, at the blinding sun, at the clear, blue, day sky, somebody approached them.

           “Welcome! My dear kids, this is the Memory Police! Couldn’t be more happy to have you here!”

           Chuuya and Dazai turned back and faced the woman they saw in the club. She was alone this time. The two exchanged a look.

           “She is the Ability User.”

           “Well, we are not very happy that we are here so,let’s go back so we can take those documents and bring them to our boss.” The woman smiled; now Dazai saw that she was not wearing red lipstick, but a purple one. She didn’t look as pretty as before.

           “You know that you can’t keep us here with only an Ability, right?, “continued Dazai, all while shooting his most charming smile at the woman.

           He was more than sure that the island they were on was part of her ability, so one touch and it would probably vanish. Actually, he was standing on it already, so it was probably already melting, but given that it was such a big object it would take longer for it to go away. But, whatever other spells there were hidden on the island, Dazai nullified them all.

           “Oh, I do know that, which is why I don’t intend on keeping you here…”

           Chuuya was done listening to the woman’s crap. “What the…,” he threw some gravity discs in her direction, “fuck do you want?” The woman didn’t even move; she raised her arm and made a swift motion, as if she was at a concert and she was the bandmaster.  The discs vanished. Chuuya and Dazai were left looking at her surprised; but then they remember the number one rule, the golden rule they must always follow.

           They had to do something, but what could they? Why wasn’t Dazai’s ability working already? And what was that from before? Could the woman also nullify somebody’s gift? There were too many questions and Dazai had the answer to only one of it.

           No, the woman didn’t have the same ability as Dazai, because that would mean that there was somebody else, another Ability User that brought them to the island. Also, she didn’t even had to touch the discs, they simply went voosh and bye-bye Chuuya’s attack. So, it had to be the island. Maybe this was like some sort of environment where she was able to do whatever she pleased and whatever satisfied her. In other words, a secluded space where she ruled every single rock, every single tiny bit of sand, every single force and every single person.

           Well, that would have been bad, if only Dazai wasn’t there. After all, that was his job: to make him and Chuuya un-vulnerable to such attacks. But, why was it not working? Maybe he should get closer to the woman, maybe if he touched her…

           “Chuuya, let’s do the thing we did then, when we had to steal those diamonds…you know.” The redhead looked at his partner. He sometimes couldn’t believe that such a fragile person (even though Dazai was much taller than him, but we do NOT talk about that here, in the Port Mafia gang) could make his world so much more than the red angry he used to see. That was before he met Dazai. After that, after they became a team, there was always a black dot in Chuuya’s red world that was jumping and fooling around, making the boy’s head spun.

           Chuuya hated that little, tiny, stupid thing! He hated it for confusing him so!

           But, it was nice. To be able to see something else than red. Something else than blind anger.

              “Are you sure it’s gonna work?” Chuuya asked just because he was used to do so. He trusted his partner completely, meaning that he would follow whatever plans Dazai came up with.

           “Have I ever let you down, chibi?”

           Chuuya smiled. Did he really hate that Dazai called him chibi? Yes.

           “Well, if you say so…but don’t call me that anymore.”

           Chuuya smiled. Did he really hate that Dazai called him chibi? No.

           Dazai winked and the redhead rolled his eyes. From somewhere very close to them, they could hear the waves crashing onto whatever they were sitting on (an island, an ability or a giant lion-turtle with magical powers). The seagulls seemed agitated – maybe a storm was coming.

           “Well, lady, we would love to stay, but he have to go.” Dazai backed a few feet away, discovering that Chuuya was no more by his side. He could see the hole that his partner dug for them to escape, the sand starting to cover it up already.

           “Oh no, I am afraid I can’t do that.” Yoko Ogawa smiled.

           ‘You see, this is my island. Not some playground for such bastards like you.”

           And, suddenly, Chuuya was above Dazai’s head floating in the air and the brown-haired could see that he was not using his ability. The redhead looked down and wriggled his legs, he tried to come down but to no use; he got the same feeling as when he was a kid and he couldn’t control his ability.  But, now, it wasn’t he that was the problem.

           “Dazai, do something!”

           Dazai looked at his partner and there were a hundred thought that flooded onto him at the same time. Unfortunately, his instincts took over before he could react rationally. Dazai shot Yoko; she didn’t dodge, she just stopped the bullet with her very own hand.

           The little piece of metal was not on the island anymore. When she opened her palm, there was no sign of her previous action; the skin was  fine. That did not surprise Dazai. He had a vague idea of what the woman’s ability was…

           “DAZAI. I swear to god, I-“

           “Shh, little Chuuya,” said Dazai flashing a snakey smile at his friend, “the adults are trying to solve this.”

           Yoko Ogawa laughed. The seagulls flew over their heads, not a care in the world. Did they care that Chuuya was hanging seven meters high up in the air and something happened to his ability?

           No! And guess who also did not? Dazai. Or at least, that’s what Chuuya thought.

           “You consider yourself an adult? Please, you can’t even drink legally.”

           “Well, maybe that’s true, but I still think like one. For example, your ability. What do I know about it? That it’s called “Memory Police”. Why I don’t know and I don’t care but I definitely won’t be coming to you to help me choose the name of my ability.” Dazai looked around discreetly. There really was no one around. Now, there was no turning back, anyway. He would just tell the woman what he knew and he would try to resonate with her. If not, there was Chuuya; he knew that he was not alone.

           “Oh and also, this island or whatever this is… this sand is not part of your ability. I don’t know, you probably put it here, but this is not a real island.”            If Yoko Ogawa was impressed, she didn’t show it.

           “You control everything here: even gravity, that’s what Chuuya can’t use his ability. Or, better said, using his ability doesn’t have any effect.”

           “Well, aren’t you a clever one?” Yoko looked at Chuuya and with another swift motion of her hand, she let him down. The redhead almost smashed head first if Dazai didn’t run to catch him.

           He did not fall into Dazai’s arm, unfortunately, because his long cultivated instincts kicked in and at the last moment he made a pillow of air to sustain himself and then he let himself down carefully.

           “You really are clever, but too bad you won’t be around here anymore to see the rest of the story.”

           “What…?” Dazai then realized. It was like a premonition; he knew what would happen and it really did happen like that: in the next three seconds, he was thrown around in a black hole, and he was back in  the club. The loud music (who played such bad music? Dazai should teach them a lesson later) and the neon lights were messing with his head; he felt like throwing up.

           “Wake up, pretty boy ‘cause mama has to give you some pills. You’ll feel better then.”

           A voice that Dazai very much did not like was the only thing he heard before he fell asleep. His last thoughts ran off to Chuuya.

           Dazai hated himself in general, but now that he had left Chuuya alone, his hatred towards himself seemed to increase. A little.

***                                                                                                                

           Dazai woke up on the island; he felt his limbs numb, and he tried to move them. He couldn’t, and that didn’t surprise him so much. The memories of what happened yesterday (had it already passed a day? It was hard to tell) came to him slowly and he opened his eyes, even if the bright light was uncomfortable.

           He could hear the seagulls, the waves of the sea; and he could smell the salty wind. His eyes started to adjust, but his vision was still a bit hazy. Dazai could see that he was somewhere above the ground, in a metal cage. He did not see Yoko Ogawa.

           “Chuuya. Where is Chuuya?”

            Dazai found the answer to his question in no time. In the same cage as him, too far away for Dazai to reach and touch him, there was Chuuya, breathing hard. His head was hanging loosely and the red hair covered almost all of his face. He could see that Chuuya was trembling and he could also see the sweat glistening off him in the light of the artificial sun. Chuuya never sweated. Dazai suspected that both of them had been drugged.

           “Chuuya…Hey, Chuuya,” whispered Dazai, his voice going hoarse in the middle of the sentence. The redhead didn’t move. His hands were pinned above his head, cuffed with iron chains covering his small palms completely. His long-sleeved shirt revealed some delicate skin; and Dazai then saw it.

           How could he not from the start, he didn’t know. Chuuya’s hands where covered in that red, snake-like pattern that Dazai did very much not like; the stripes seemed alive, as if there was something impure lurking under his skin, some kind of disease, some kind of  filthy demon. Dazai shuddered.

            So, his partner used Corruption. What was he thinking? Didn’t he knew that the woman controlled everything on the island? That he had no chance of winning?

           But, why was he not doing anything now? How much time has passed since Chuuya was in that state? Again, Dazai was left with too many unanswered questions.

           He tried to calm himself. He looked above himself and saw that his hands were also pinned up like Chuuya’s. He tried to think logically; would Chuuya use Corruption if Dazai was not around, if he hadn’t chance to come back to his human-self? No. That was for sure.

           Which meant that it had to do either with the island, with Yoko Ogawa’s ability or with the fact that they both have been drugged. Dazai chose the second option. So, what was it? What kind of drug? He could only take guess: maybe it was something that brought Corruption to surface; and even if Chuuya tried to use the ability, he could not, because Yoko was controlling the gravity around him, so that he could not escape.

           So, the woman was probably around here. Dazai should be careful about what he was saying, about how he revealed his plans to Chuuya. But, Yoko Ogawa didn’t know that Dazai figured that much, so maybe he could use that to his advantage.

           A seagull stopped on the cage, making it move a little.

           “Are you awake already?” The voice came from down, from under the cage. It made sense; it was the only place where Dazai could not see. The brown-haired man didn’t say anything, and the other part also stopped asking questions.

           Right now, Dazai had one big problem; he needed to touch Chuuya, so that he could deactivate Corruption. But, how? He didn’t even feel his hands. He didn’t feel his whole body, damn it!

           “Chuuya, are you awake?, “ asked Dazai, but he got no response. He knew that the woman was clever; she did manage to bring them into this situation, after all,  so he had to be careful.

           “Chuuya!” This time, Dazai called his friend loud enough that it was impossible for Yoko not to hear.

           “Oh, so you are awake. Then shall I explain the situation you are into right now? You have to understand the rules of the game form the start, so that you don’t make any mistakes.” Dazai tried moving his fingers, but he wasn’t sure if he succeeded or not; they were like a piece of meat attached to his body with a rope. Useless.

           “If you would be so kind.” Dazai could almost hear the smile in the woman’s voice as she spoke.

           “Well, I think that you figured pretty much already, but I am too excited so I am going to tell it to you once more. So, you both have been given a drug. Yours is just something plain, and it was not administrated in a big quantity; you still need to see this plan unfold right before your eyes and you can’t be high for that to happen.” She stopped and took a deep breath. She seemed to be happy with herself. At the same time, Chuuya made a slight movement, but Dazai saw it. His friend was starting to wake up. It was going good.

           “And, well maybe you asked yourself: what does that drug exactly do? And maybe you thought that it brings out the god-form of your partner. And you are right, but not entirely. Because this drug doesn’t only bring your partner’s inner demon…”

           Dazai clenched his teeth. Chuuya was more of a human that that woman would ever be. Chuuya was not a demon; maybe he looked like one, maybe he sometimes acted like one (only around Dazai though), but he was not a demon.

           How should Dazai put this? He always found himself admiring Chuuya, that succeeded in keeping his humanity, even when he had the powers of a god. Dazai couldn’t even do that, he, a regular person.

           Chuuya was more human than Dazai would ever be.

           “…it forces the kid to fight with it.” Dazai almost missed the last part as he tried to escape from his shackles. He stopped his action at once. What did Yoko mean?

           Suddenly, Chuuya jerked forward. His chains hit the metal bars of the cage and clinked; like the bells on a wedding day. It was as a veil had been put over Dazai’s eyes, over his intern logic. He felt physical pain by just looking at Chuuya, just by looking at his small partner struggling like a trapped animal, his body spasming uncontrollably. And, all Dazai could do was watch.

           Dazai always thought that he was special. He was indeed. After all, the people around him were human. They died. Everyday. Every single day, before his eyes. Sometimes, he killed them himself. Other times, he had to witness blood shed from afar.

           Chuuya cried in pain. He was breathing hard, almost chocking on something that was not there. His eyes were hollow; two white, milky spheres, showing no emotion, empty. There was a liquid rolling down his cheeks, from his eyes, something like tears, but with a coarse density. Chuuya was shaking and crying and Dazai could not do anything.

           “See, this is the thing the drug does. He will die in no time.”

           It still hurt. But, he got used to it. He was strong enough to do so. It was like he didn’t feel it anymore, actually.

           No, this time, Dazai would not get over it. He just lost Odasaku. He could not lose Chuuya. Not him. Not him, not him, not him…

           His head was spinning. He lied, he lied. Dazai fucking lied! He felt it all, he felt the pain, he felt the guilt of his past actions hanging around his neck, suffocating him every time he tried to go down, towards the mortal world, towards what he loves. He hated it.

           Dazai fainted. Right then and right there. It was too much, too much, too much, even for him. Tears poured out of his close eyes; he had finally let his guard down.

           The seagulls sang a song only for the two of them; only for Chuuya and Dazai to hear. The birds sang in their crooked voice; they sounded like a broken clock.

           Chuuya fainted from all the pain shortly after his partner, but he knew he was not going to die. After all, he had somebody else to protect from death.

***

           Dazai woke up in white room. To be honest, he had first thought that he died. That was how he always thought the afterlife would look like.

                       Well, he would have definitely be dead if there wasn’t a certain redhead lying motionless on the floor. Suddenly, the memories of the club, of the island, of Chuuya shouting in pain came back to Dazai and he ran towards his friend.

           It couldn’t be… Were they both dead? No, no…

           He knelt down and checked Chuuya’s pulse. There was nothing. But, his partner did look normal. He didn’t have the red stripes over his body anymore. But, he was not breathing. Did they really die? Was that…

           Chuuya sit up straight, slamming his head into Dazai’s nose. The redhead coughed a fistful of blood and then wiped his mouth with a gloved hand.

           “Chuuya~!,” screamed Dazai in surprise.

           “What the fuck… Where are we?”

           Chuuya looked around, clearly confused. Actually, what was there to look at? They were literally in a room (or maybe it was a white infinity) and the boy seemed even paler than before.

           “Ah…” Chuuya shoved his head into his hands. “Don’t you tell me you actually convinced me to commit double-suicide with you!”

           The redhead took Dazai by the collar of his coat and swung him around.

           “Or, what stupid thing did you do to bring us into this kinda situation? I swear…” Dazai laughed wholeheartedly and Chuuya raised his fist. Ah, yes. The good ol’ fight between friends – or whatever they were.

           “Chuuya, don’t! Wait, let me explain!” The little boy calmed down a bit. He took a deep breath and sat on the floor, cross-legged. Or maybe it was the ceiling or another wall. He didn’t even want to think about their situation. His head hurt already so bad, and he still had to deal with the nuisance in front of him.

           “Ok, then go on, you shitty…”

           “Shh, Chuuya, don’t use such words,” said Dazai, putting his index finger on Chuuya’s lips. The redhead looked at it and his blue eyes hid emotions Dazai could not recognize. But, whatever was lying there, he could for sure say that those ocean-like orbits were luminous. So bright and so lovely, Dazai would love to drown in them. A perfect way to die, he considered. He sighed; if only Chuuya would let him.

           “OUCH! CHUUYA!” Dazai retreated his wounded finger and looked at his partner. There was a fresh, red stain on Chuuya’s lips, from the blood that had flowed out Dazai fingers; Chuuty really bit him!

           “What are you, seventh grade? A dog should not bite his master!!” As Dazai was wrapping up a small bandage over his finger, Chuuya licked his lips; such a salty taste made him shiver for some reason.

           “And, for you to know, it was not my fault. You tried to shut me up! From using cursed words or whatever… Fuck that, I always curse!”

           Dazai made a tsk-tsk sound, but said nothing more. Chuuya looked at him and sighed, laying on his back. He thought about the situation they were in. It was most likely a dream caused by the drugs he and Dazai have been injected with.

           He would not want to wake up.

           “Chuuya, let’s play a game! I’m bored! Let’s play truth or dare!”

           He would very much like to wake up.

           “Oi, Dazai, shut up I am trying to think.” No, he wasn’t but Dazai didn’t knew that.

           “Oh, ok, I’ll be quiet, you need after all some practice.” Chuuya did not say anything; every word would be like fuel to an already massive fire. He, for once, shut up.

           Did he think that Dazai would leave him alone? Yeah.

           Did Dazai leave him alone? Nope.

           “Chuuya~! Let’s play, please!! I’ve got some really good questions!”

           The redhead ignored him at first, pretending to be asleep. Of course Dazai hadn’t fallen for it. The brown-haired man decided that if that was how Chuuya would play, then he wouldn’t be nice either. With only a war-like scream, Dazai hurled over Chuuya and started to tickle his sides. Chuuya burst out in laughter, trying to push Dazai off, but without succeeding.

           “Dazai you ~haha~ little brat, if I put my hands on you!!~stop –hahah- don’t tickle me there!”

           “I’ll stop if you play Truth or Dare with me.” Chuuya continued to laugh and he chocked, but Dazai had no mercy. He tickled him until his fingers hurt.

           “Ok, ok, ~hiC~ I’ll play, get off you mother ~HIc~fucker…”

           Dazai got off in an instant, clearly pleased with himself. Chuuya tried to catch his breath; the touch of Dazai’s fingers still felt so real to him. There, on his left ribs, a little lower than his heart, where he was most ticklish. There on his stomach, where Chuuya didn’t like to be touched (he didn’t mind now tho). There on…

           What was he thinking?

           He got up, sitting with his legs crossed again. He eyes Dazai that was also standing like that, at only 4 inches away from him. He reached out and punched his friend.

           “I’ll kill you, Dazai, you shitty suicidal maniac, if you ever do that to me again!” Dazai only laughed; he was already good friends with these kind of threats; that he knew would never actually happen.

           “Ok, Chuuya, you go first!” Chuuya sighed.

           “Geez, I feel like a seventh grader, not that I’ve actually been to school before…”

           “You do have the behavior of a seventh grader, but unfortunately not the brains of one.”

           “Do you want to have no brains at all?”

           “Is this the question you are asking for the game? Then, no I don’t really, but I would rather blow them up myself. Not the best way to go, but it’s an option, I guess.”

           Chuuya shook his head. How did he end with such a moron?

           “How can we play when you are making this so difficult?” yelled Chuuya, suddenly wanting to slap Dazai. In fact, no, it wasn’t suddenly, he always wanted to slap Dazai, yes, the urge was always there. And moments like these was what it took for him to actually do it.

           “Chuu~huya, it’s not your turn anymore!” sang Dazai, smiling and provoking Chuuya with his gaze. The redhead calmed himself; he should not use his energy on that bastard after all. He sighed again; he felt like he did that too often when he was around Dazai. He did it rhythmically, like the sound of a good, completely functioning clock.

           “Ok, then you go now.” Dazai beamed and Chuuya’s heart sink; was that what made him happy?

           “Chibi…”

           “Don’t call me that.”

           “Shrimp…”

           “If you call me that, I’ll call you mackerel for the rest of our lives.”

           “My life won’t last, I’ll make sure of it so I don’t really care.”

           “Just ask the question already.”

           Dazai shot Chuuya an evil smile. The evilest smile Chuuya had ever seen. His brows furrowed. He was getting kind of scared…

           “Truth or Dare?”

           “What?” asked Chuuya, still a little bit lost into his thoughts.            

           “That’s how you play the game, chibi. Or did you not have someone to teach you that?”

           “O-of course I played before!” stuttered Chuuya and he tried to show Dazai that by looking directly into those brown-red eyes, eyes like the withered camellias in Chuuya’s room that he forgot to water. His lie didn’t get past Dazai; but the boy decided to drop it or else Chuuya might really beat him.

           “Ok then Truth or Dare?” Chuuya thought for a second.

           “Truth.” Dazai closed his eyes and put his hands together as if he was meditating. Chuuya rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth were still lifted upwards. Just a little bit.

           “Hm~It has to be a really good question…” Dazai sat like that for several minutes in which Chuuya just looked at him.

           He always thought Dazai was beautiful. Like a withered camellia. Don’t ask Chuuya why, he wasn’t good at poetic descriptions, Dazai just seemed like a camellia person. His hair was soft like the small petals of his favorite flower. He was even built like a camellia; slim and tall (Not so tall that Chuuya couldn’t outgrow him someday, though), a slender silhouette, that Chuuya felt like he should take care of everyday.

           Else, it would wither away.

           “Ok I know. Say Chuuya, is it true that a few days ago, when you screamed in the middle of the night was because Koyo waxed your leg?”

           Chuuya chocked on nothing. Well, that was true, but how did Dazai find out?

           “Uhm…Yeah, it’s true. It hurt like a bitch. I don’t know how women do that on a regular basis.”

           Dazai laughed out loud, startling Chuuya.

           “Why are you laughing, you miso-“ Dazai wiped a tear and lied down, looking at Chuuya upside down.

           “I am not laughing at women, I am laughing at you, ‘cause I didn’t expect you would admit it. Either way, I already knew because I was the one who set it up. I have also filmed it!”

           Chuuya was confused. He felt like Dazai would do that, he could really see him, but that was also something that he did not expect.

           “You… what?”

***

           “Dazai, I think that’s enough drinks you had there,” said Oda, visibly concerned for his friend. The bar smelled like his favorite whiskey; Dazai held a glass in his hand, the bottle the bartender had bought more than three quarters empty.

           “BOOO, you shut up, you just a hallucination…” Dazai looked at Oda through half closed eyelids. The clock on the wall made a ding-dong sound, reminding them that the midnight had come. Dazai almost jumped off his chair.

           “Dazai, stop…”begged Oda, but the brown-haired man didn’t even cared as he chugged down the bottle.

           “No, Oda, I am not here to listen to you, you are here to listen to me.”

           `I have listened to you enough. I changed my life because you said so. You can also listen to me right now.`

           Dazai didn’t say that, but it wasn’t necessary because Odasaku heard it anyway. After all, he did live in Dazai’s head.

***

           They played Truth or Dare for hours. Days maybe? They didn’t know. It was like a dream; with each question, Chuuya and Dazai would insult each other more, would find more dark secrets about each other.

           With each question, Chuuya and Dazai would love each other more.

           Right now, Chuuya was standing in Dazai’s lap, the taller man (though Chuuya still had time to overgrow him! Let’s not forget that) combing his long fingers through the red hair. It wasn’t silky, but not wiry either. It smelled like strawberries.

           The room they were in wasn’t white anymore. It was filled with their stories and with their laughter, with their love, with their hate for each other. It was more like a pretty orange-pink shade. Their voices echoed in the colorful infinity.

           “Chuuya, it’s your turn.”

           “I feel like we don’t even have what to ask each other anymore.” Dazai started braiding Chuuya’s hair gently, careful not to hurt the boy in his lap.

           “Come on, think of something.” Chuuya closed his eyes and scrunched his nose.

           “Dazai, do you really want to die? So bad that you…” Dazai’s hands stopped their movement and the room seemed to become colder. He cleared his throat; he was afraid that his voice would break when he gave Chuuya the answer. He gathered his courage and finally admitted to somebody else than himself.

           “Yes. But I’m a coward. I can’t do it. I love this world, even if it scares me. Even if it hurts. There are so many beautiful things here. And I’m just too afraid to leave them here.”

           Chuuya didn’t say anything, just placed himself better into Dazai’s lap.

           “I don’t think you are a coward. I think what you are doing is an act of dumb courage.”

           “Really?” laughed Dazai, starting to braid Chuuya’s hair again.

           “Yes. To decide to live into this world, to just live here alone… You feel lonely, don’t you? Since he died.”

           Dazai gasped. He knew who Chuuya was referring to. Was it yesterday that Odasku died? Or was it better than a week since then? Dazai couldn’t tell. But it hurt like hell. And it was still stinging his heart, like an open wound that will leave a very big scar.

           Dazai lied.

           “He was just a friend. I will get over it. I am used to this.”

           Chuuya suddenly reached for Dazai’s face and touched it with his gloved hands. It was as if they were high; high on their secrets, stories and whispers only they had ever heard.

           “Don’t lie.” Dazai averted his gaze.

           “It’s my turn. Truth or Dare?” Chuuya felt his heart sink.

           “Dare.” Dazai looked down at Chuuya again and got closer. Chuuya’s hair was half braided.

           “I dare you to kiss me.” Chuuya blinked and he looked into Dazai’s eyes. He saw it then; that sad happiness. He would do it; he wanted to. He wanted so bad to do it.

           “Ok.” Chuuya lifted his head and Dazai lowered his. Their lips found each other, almost clumsily and it was only a brief touch but both their hearts felt like they would jump from their chests and ran off together, lost into the colorful infinity that only the two of them had built.

           They alone. They were alone together.

           They kissed delicately, and the next thing they knew, they were back into the cage on the beach. Back to reality and their separate loneliness.

***

           The sun was setting lazily behind Dazai. He opened his eyes and he felt his head hurt. The smell of slat and the sound of waves. His wrists hurt. He took a deep breath and vomited.

           “Oh, finally! I thought you were dead!” Yoko Ogawa’s voice was like a harsh ringing in Dazai’s ears.

           “I would love to, trust me…” The brown haired man looked around him; he was still in the cage, but he could now move his body somewhat. Chuuya was in front of him, though he looked paler than before. His arms were tied up, but the metal gloves around his hands were no more. Probably from all the gravity pressure he and Yoko exerted. Chuuya’s head was resting against the metal bars and Dazai sucked in a breath.

           One of his eyes was blue and wide open, but dark somehow; looking dead. The other was still a white ball, the light reflecting on its shiny surface. There were tears of blood coming down on Chuuya’s cheek from his blue eye; from the other, something as tears but much more dense. Dazai wanted to reach and wiped them away, he wanted to so bad.

           His face, his body, every inch of skin Dazai could see was covered in those red stripes, like camellia petals. He felt like he would vomit again. They were a dark nuance of red, an ill light still coming to the surface from under them.

           Dazai had a lot of time to think in his dream (which he could not remember very clearly) One thing he knew, he and Chuuya came up with a plan to escape. Well, it was based on Dazai’s guesses about Yoko’s ability, but if what he thought was true, then his plan was flawless.

           Kind of. He hoped so.

           “How long have we slept for?” asked Dazai, but expecting to not be answered.

           “About three hours. “ Hm. It felt like a lot more time to Dazai. He wondered if Chuuya had the same dream… He shook his head. It was impossible.

           “Why didn’t you kill us while we were sleeping? It would have been easy.” He heard the sound of feet on sand and he looked down. Finally, he could see Yoko. The woman looked up at him, a malicious smile stretching on her purple lips. Kind of the worst combination possible with the orange light of the sun setting on her face.

           “Well, where would be the fun in that? You have to watch your friend die first.”

           Dazai scoffed. Did the people around him thought that he could not take it? That he was not strong enough to?

           Maybe they were right, but they would never know. Because Dazai never cried. There was always someone that would see him; he had to always be ready, he could never let his guard down. Even when he was alone, he was not. His fifteen year old self was laughing at him from the mirror, and his head was stuffed with voices that were not his own. Or maybe they were?

           And then there was Oda. Since he died, he followed Dazai like a blood ghost, guiding him, protecting him and making the voices from his head go away at times. Even now, he was standing in the cage, dripping blood from his wound.

           “Do you have a plan?” Dazai ignored Odasaku and responded to Yoko instead.

           “I already watched my friend die. Actually, no, I watched my friends die. There were more. I am the only one left as you can see. Chuuya is not my friend.”

           Yoko remained silent for some time and then pointed her index at Dazai.

           “You are just a kid; you know nothing about this kind of things, but you still think you do. You still think you are above the world. You think that…”

           She stopped mid-sentence and flicked her wrist. Dazai’s shackles tighten around his hands and he felt as if they were almost chopped off. Blood started to drip on the metal floor, mixing with the vomit from earlier. Drops of the strange mix trickled down onto the sand. Dazai held his screams in.

           “You think that you know how this world is! You know NOTHING!” Yoko twisted Dazai’s left wrist. He squeaked in pain and like that, with his eyes shut close, he did not see Chuuya slowly getting up. Neither did Yoko Ogawa.

           It was as if the woman had gone mad. Yes, she was crazy, there was not a single thing about her that could be described as sane, but what happened to her?

           Dazai didn’t know that, like him, Yoko Ogawa heard voices, he didn’t know that he was followed by her own ghosts dripping in blood that she spilled.

           “Kill them…”            “Yes, now…like you did to us…”

           “Murderer….! I hate you.”

           “Mama, don’t! Mama, mama, hahaha…”

           “Do it, darling, kill them, kill them, kill, kill, kill…”

           “Kill, kill…”

           “Mama!”

           Yoko ignored them and broke Dazai’s left hand. Tears rolled down her face. The voices of her family hit her like the waves hit the island. A storm was coming; the sky was getting grayer, darker and it was not long before rain started pouring. It hit the metal cage violently. Yoko’s makeup didn’t seem to be waterproof; her mascara was all over her face and she was still twisting Dazai’s arm, without mercy.

           The boy closed his eyes and bit his lips and did not make a sound. It was raining as that day.

           “Do you have a plan?” Odasaku would just not leave him alone.

           “I do, I do… Now quiet.”

           Suddenly the metal cage shuddered and Dazai opened his eyes only to see a red flash in all the grayness surrounding him. It was Chuuya, it had to be!            And yes, here he was indeed! It seemed that Yoko could not control two things at a time. Dazai’s guess was correct. His plan didn’t involve in getting his hand destroyed though, but it didn’t matter anymore. He was just glad that it worked out.

           He heard Chuuya grunt and he watched down to see his friend trying to reach at Yoko, a fight where both sides had gravity as their ally. Who would win?

           Chuuya looked up at Dazai. His eyes were not hollow; they were both blue and full of live and he smiled as he pushed harder and harder until Yoko was half buried in the wet sand. The sea was ragging.

           But, suddenly two women came running. They were behind Chuuya, so he didn’t saw them, but Dazai did. His shackles were now merely some pieces of chopped metal. And he still had one good arm. He quickly escaped from them and jumped off, holding his gun pointed at the women. They looked at him surprised and then at the cage, at Chuuya and at their boss and exchanged a look.

           They charged forward and Dazai shot them. He missed. He missed and the women could have killed him, but there was no need. They ran towards him but did not stop. One of them pulled out a blade and cut Dazai’s stomach. He collapsed and cursed his weakness. But, he did not cry.

           He caught a glimpse of Chuuya being thrown over and that was all. Then he fainted again.

***            “Well, you sure fainted very much in this story,” said Odasaku, looking at a half-wasted Dazai from across the table. He didn’t even try to stop him anymore. Chuuya would come to pick him up afterwards anyway.

           “Yeah~!I was ~hic~ dipressed.” Dazai’s head was spinning, but he wanted to finish the story. There was only a little bit to it…

           “You mean depressed?”

           “Yeah, what~hIc~ever now shut up and listen, Oda! This is a legendary story! I bet those kids of yours will love it!” Odasaku sighed and looked at the watch on his wrist. It was a little bit after midnight. He nodded towards Dazai as his friend started to narrate his love story again, interrupted only by his hiccups and the sound of a broken clock.

***

             Dazai woke up with a stinging pain flowing from his arm, exhausting his whole body. A seagull was picking at his hair and only for that reason did Dazai sprung up and made the bird fly away. His whole body was feeling hot; did he have a fever?

           He tried lifting his right arm, but it was too hard. He looked down at it and the sight of Chuuya’s fingers being intertwined with his made him recall everything that happened. He quickly checked Chuuya’s heartbeat; it was there, and Dazai let out a joyful breath. It was weak, but it was ok, everything was going to be ok…

           Dazai got up and put Chuuya’s arm over his shoulder. His left arm was completely ruined; it didn’t even hurt anymore, there was only a sense of numbness. It was going to be alright, repeated Dazai to himself, struggling to walk with Chuuya hanging on him

           He would go and leave the Port Mafia. Maybe Chuuya would want to come with him. Maybe they would go overseas and start their own business. Maybe something like an orphanage, maybe they would buy a house and they would stay there.

           Chuuya wouldn’t have to use his ability anymore. They would be normal, they would be good people, better than they are now. Yes, and maybe he and Chuuya could go watch the pink cherry flowers bloom, they could make snowmen in the winter, they could everything neither of them got a chance to as a kid.

           They could watch the moon on a windy autumn night, while the pie they had tried to cook for hours is burning in the oven they set wrong. The moonlight would illuminate Chuuya so beautifully, accentuating his blue eyes. And maybe Dazai could lean down and…

           “DIE! Die you filthy bastards, you motherfuckers, you gross me out! Die, die, die!!” Yoko Okawa’s voice startled Dazai as the woman came towards them. Her hair was a total mess, and her purple lipstick has been replaced by red stains of dried blood. Only now did Dazai see the other two women lying lifeless on the sand, face up, eyes open, their throats violently split by human hand.

           Dazai tried to go out of Yoko’s path but he felt an overwhelming force pinning him down. He looked at Chuuya who opened his eyes. They were not full of freedom; there was nothing else than pain and anger there. He didn’t know where his friend gathered all that energy to keep going.

           It was a mystery for him.

           Yoko approached, her legs trembling.

           “Die, die, die!” cried she as tears ran down her face, as her hand was gripping on a pointy rock as she was slipping on the blood the ghosts around her left behind them.

           “Mama, come to us…”

           “Don’t kill them, mama! We love you!”            “Darling, we are waiting. Come to us.”

           She stumbled and she fell face forward on the rock she was holding. Dazai winced; blood splashed on his clothes and he heard the woman murmur:

           “I am coming, my kids.”

           And then the island fell silent. Chuuya coughed and Dazai looked down to see the red sand before him. The redhead did not stop and only now did Dazai notice the wound on his torso. It seemed like a knife cut and even if Chuuya tried to suppress the hemorrhage, it was still bleeding pretty hard. His friend went numb in his arms again and the island disappeared right before Dazai could assure Chuuya it was ok.

***

           They were back in the club. The people around them seemed to not notice anything unusual about the two members of the Port Mafia.

           Dazai’s mind was finally starting to function. He needed a hospital for Chuuya, quickly or else it was possible for him to…

           No, he first had to get out of there. The music (who the FUCK plays such bad music, now let’s be serious!) was making his head hurt and the smell of piss and beer didn’t help either.

           He took a deep breath as soon as he was outside. His muscles were sore and his left arm started to awake. But, Chuuya was his priority. Dazai rummaged through Chuuya’s jacket and he pulled out the keys of the motorcycle (Jenna, that was what Chuuya named her) and smiled tired. He clicked the red button and he heard a ding-dong noise.

           He loved Jenna! It was on her way to Dazai and Chuuya. The brown haired thought; once he had Jenna, he would bring Chuuya to a hospital. What was the closest one? Hm…

           “Dazai…” Chuuya’s voice was hoarse as he spoke. “Dazai, please don’t leave me…” Dazai looked down at his friend surprised and chuckled. He brushed Chuuya’s hair out of his face.

           “But, you are a god and I am human. We can’t be together.” Dazai felt a stinging pain in his heart as soon as his words left his lips. It hurt him more that the pain in his arm, more than anything he ever experienced.

           “Then, from now on… you’re no longer human. So, just stay with me.” Dazai’s heart twisted in his chest and he nodded, even Chuuya could not see him.

           “Ok, Chuuya. I’ll stay with you forever.”

***

           “And this is how I got the name of my ability,” finished Dazai, smashing the empty bottle of whiskey on the counter. Odasaku nodded.

           “Hm, I guess it could have been worse.”

           “You, shut up! You old hag ~HIC~!!” Dazai covered his mouth. “HGG, I feel like throwing up…” Odasaku sighed and pated his friend on the shoulder.

           “Well, I should go.” Dazai sprung up and pointed accusatory at the man in front of him. The empty room smelled like Odasaku’s favorite whiskey.

           “You will leave me here? In this ~bleaghh…” Dazai had thrown up on Odasaku’s shoes and the man looked indignanted at the only one that was still keeping him alive. He smiled and he exited on the door.

           “Don’t worry, I’ll always be with you. And, don’t forget that there is someone else you are waiting for.” Dazai didn’t hear those words as he was already asleep.

***

           In the other part of the town, a phone rang. The man who owned it put his glass of wine down and answered.

           “Who is it?” The man listened closely to what the one who called him had to say. He nodded a few times and then said:

           “I understand. I’ll be there in a moment.”

           Chuuya went into his garage and pulled Jenna out and as he was thinking about what he was going to do, he smiled. That dumbass.

***

           The door of Lupin opened as the clock struck midnight again. It was definitely broken. Chuuya eyed his former partner, that was sleeping on the counter, his hair covering his closed eyes. Chuuya approached and he felt something slippery under his feet.

           Of course he had to walk straight in Dazai’s vomit. Of course there was no other way. The bartender appeared and greeted Chuuya, smiling at him. The redhead nodded.

           “Thank you for calling me. Do I have to pay for anything?”asked Chuuya, already drawing his wallet out of his jacket.

           “No, no, it’s ok.” Chuuya frowned at man and slammed 50 bucks on the table.

           “For dealing with this idiot for such a long time.” The bartender smiled and sighed.

           “I see you know how…peculiar this man can be.” Chuuya burst out in laughter as he drew Dazai’s arm over his shoulder and exited from the bar in the cold night.

           “I know better than anyone.” He walked with Dazai to Jenna and he tried to wake up the man. By slapping him hard on the face. It worked.

           “Ouch, what was…” Dazai’s face lighted when he saw who had come for him. “Chuuya! I’ve been waiting for you!” Chuuya rolled his eyes and raised his palm warningly.

           “Hop up right now or I’ll slap you again.” Dazai looked at his friend and he chuckled. He sat up on Jenna, almost falling once, but Chuuya put him back in place.

           “Chuuya~!”

           “What do you want, motherfucker?? Isn’t it enough that I came to pick you up, drunk, at such an hour!?”

           “Can I sleep at your place?”

           Chuuya hoped on his motorcycle and almost punched Dazai. He started Jenna and screamed over the sound of her motor:

           “You are crazy!”

           “I am!”

           Dazai smiled and nestled himself into Chuuya’s body. It smelled like peaches and wine. He closed his eyes and let himself fall back into sleep.

           “I’ve been waiting for you, Chuuya” murmured he as his eyes close one more time. Chuuya remained silent as they left Lupin far away behind them.

             Waiting for you sounds like a broken clock.

****

End Notes

And, yes, while they stayed in that white room (i leave it to you to decide what that was) dazai did tell chuuya that he was leaving the port mafia. and yes chuuya did punch him and he also told dazai that he cant come with him and refused to explain further. for that, he had to let dazai tickle him because i REFUSE to believe dazai left like that he cant he is better that this

i think? ok hope you liked it bye bye muah

[theravennest]

Hi, im sorry if this sounds wrong in advance -- is it possible to say that valkyrie is a portrayal of female masculinity? I was disturbed by silverloreley's post and sent an ask talking abt fem. masc. too, didnt get a reply yet. I feel that masc. is not just for men, and fem. masc. is just a dif blend of masc. and we dont get to see it on pop media truly w respect, especially 4 black women. But i doubt i can decide that bc i no longer identify as a girl. All the same, i loved valkyrie in thor!

There is definitely plenty of wiggle room when talking about femininity and masculinity in Black female characters as well as other characters. Valkyrie included.

Black women can have feminine qualities and/or masculine qualities. Absolutely. I’ve known plenty of people who ID as women who were “masculine” and I’ve known people who ID as men who were “feminine.”

I personally think most people are not 100% one or the other and instead have a blend. Or maybe we should think about these attributes in a less binary way?

I think it also gets messy when we try to perfectly describe what is feminine and what is masculine because everyone comes up with different definitions/examples of them. So whose is THE end all definition by which we should measure a character? Western Media usually uses the Western, white cis-male opinion to define and measure these things but that’s how we’ve fallen into this pit we’re all in now.

You’ve said yourself that you don’t ID as a girl anymore so I’m sure you have your own experiences with femininity and masculinity and how they’re defined/lived that I, being cis-female, don’t know anything about.

IDK. I’m not really an expert in studying the gender binary or in breaking down gender perception and gender essentialism so I hesitate to speak more deeply on it.

I think that racism/racial bias often comes from the language used to discuss these things as well as the imposition of what is considered feminine v. masculine on Black women/characters without regard to how Black women are currently and were historically perceived in society. 

Often we are considered/portrayed as aggressive, masculine, undesirable, animalistic, and at times sexless while other times over-sexed. These things are exponentially more likely to be applied to dark skinned Black women. 

Tessa Thompson is a fairly light skinned Afro-Latina and got that ugly post written about her. I can already imagine what that user might say about the dark skinned women in Black Panther. smh

The language that other user used was rife with anti-Blackness and misogynoir.

Valkyrie does inhabit an arc that is traditionally given to men. She does occasionally display behavior that is traditionally associated with men in media. But that doesn’t mean the arc or the behavior or Valkyrie herself are inherently and essentially male or that “real” women never do the things Valkyrie does in the movie.

It only reveals how much Hollywood and entertainment media have locked women out of those story lines even though they fit many women’s experiences. So that now these stories/behaviors are considered male even though there’s nothing inherently male about PTSD and alcoholism or being a warrior or whatever dialog Valkyrie had that that first OP considered to be overtly masculine.

I just feel like if you do discuss female masculinity as you’ve termed it with regards to Valkyrie and other Black female characters, just remember to think about Black female history and the very specific language that is used about us.

Intersectionality is a beautiful thing.

[groundramon]

Cartoon asks: ALL OF THEM

THANK YOU SO MUCH OMFG

also i totally didnt fill all these out in advance and twiddle my thumbs in anticipation, hoping someone would send me this ask, nope not at all                 

1. A cartoon you remember that nobody else does.Back at the Barnyard.  That fucking show…oh my god

2. A cartoon you like but nobody else seems to.Well technically I remember liking Back at the Barnyard but I haven’t watched that show since I was like 8 or 9 so idk if I’d like it now akjsfkfkgjh I kinda doubt it now because my bullshit-tolerance-meter for television has significantly shortened.  Uhhh the only other cartoons I can think of that I liked that don’t seem to be liked by a lot of people are like…the DreamWorks cartoons (when they were on Nickelodeon and CN that is, I don’t have Netflix rip) and the Lego cartoons (except Ninjago because apparently that has a fandom?? what??) like I thought they were okay at the time at least.  (Also I guess the HTTYD cartoon wasnt hated, because it was fucking HTTYD, but //shrug)

3. A cartoon you don’t like but everybody else seems to. ADVENTURE TIME and like everything on Cartoon Network except Steven Universe and We Bare Bears honestly.  Like Adventure Time isn’t my cup of tea but I’m like “alright, some of those plots actually seem kind of interesting, I guess I can see where people are coming from” but like… shit like Clarence and Uncle Grandpa??  I’m all for people having different opinions but I don’t know how you can even get past the art style, let alone the writing style and some of the voice acting ;-; you are a stronger person than I’ll ever be if you can get past that lmao

4. A cartoon you wish would be forgotten.Uhhh pretty much everything on Nickelodeon from 2010-2014 (besides the dreamworks cartoons basically) and the shit reboots that CN’s been pumping out (namely TTG and the PPG reboot, but the Ben 10 reboot looks REALLY lazy, so at least it doesn’t annoy me [or I haven’t seen anything from it that annoys me] but…)

5. The worst cartoon you’ve ever seen, and why?Fanboy and Chum Chum, as far as cartoons I’ve actually watched go (because hoo boy, worse cartoons exist out there).  Everything about that cartoon is…wrong and broken.  It has one style of humor and that’s toilet/gross out humor.  The “straight man” so to speak, basically an emo teen version of Squidward, is actually…not Squidward in-show??  Like in the intro he’s very clearly set out to be a grouch who hates the main characters, but in the show he’s just…an introvert that gets wrapped into their plans and only snaps at them when they actually hurt him.  The protagonists are annoying as fuck and are psychopaths that deserve to be locked up in a mental institution.  It’s not funny.  The voice acting is annoying as hell.  And the animation is disgusting.  I didn’t know it was even possible to make 3d animation look this rendered yet still look so bad, but apparently it is.  Like they took extra effort into making the show look WORSE.  I will say that its impressive that they managed to get such tooney designs to exist in a 3d space, but that doesn’t do you shit good when the animation is gross.

6. The worst moment you’ve ever seen happen in a cartoon.Directly, as in I was watching the show?  Something in Fanboy and Chum Chum.  Indirectly, as in I watched a review where they showed the scene or I read about it?  Something in Family Guy, or the self-insert in the PPG reboot.  Yeah there’s a self-insert in the PPG reboot.  Every time I think it cant get worse…it does.

7. The worst thing you’ve ever seen happen to a cartoon that ruined it.I was really neutral on Teen Titans Go (some of the jokes made me laugh but others were really cringey, but it was at least funny some of the time and the art didn’t hurt me as much as other shows on CN, so whatever) but then I found out that they’ve actively attacked their critics in-show and have generally responded very poorly to criticism and…asdf.  Like its one thing to stay quiet, it’s another thing to embrace it and say “yeah we know its stupid, but it made us laugh!” (which they did do, kinda), but it’s another thing to spit in the face of everyone who has a problem with it (and not even address their criticisms, like they act like they did but?? no they fucking didn’t??).  Like the problem I have with the show is not that it’s stupid.  The problem is that the writers say “yeah, it’s for kids, so it should be stupid” (its not even “well it made us laugh” from what I remember), the problem is that the writers never watched the original show and completely ruined the legacy of a show that actually took itself seriously, the problem is that the writers are so fucking high on their horses that they respond to the haters IN-SHOW and LAUGH AT THEM.  My problem is not with the show itself, my problem is with the culture it embodies.  It embodies the worst of Hollywood entitlement, cheap shithole cashcow shows, cheap reboots that disappoint fans of the original, “stupid because its for kids” cartoons, and basically the worst Hollywood has to offer.

8. A cancelled/forgotten cartoon you would bring back to television.Uhh if nothing happens with Infinity Train then that, but besides that…another series of Avatar (like following a new avatar) would be fucking great but I don’t want to put the creators through the hell that is Nickelodeon lmao.  I also thought Harvey Beaks looked nice, like I never watched it but it looked okay, so I’d be okay with bringing that back too if it made the creator happier (honestly the poor creator…nickelodeon treated him really badly too)

9. An animated character you remember but nobody else seems to.Pete from Steven Universe lmao like where did he goJoking aside (SU is too relevant to count for this) uhHHH fuck I guess the characters in the Monsters vs Aliens cartoon? nobody remembers that movie but the show kinda cemented the characters in my mind (I would’ve said back at the barnyard but honestly I don’t remember the characters until you show them to me, besides like the main cow guy, whoops)

10. An animated character you hate the most, and why?Onion annoys me.  Like…he’s that kind of character that has no rhyme or reason behind what he does.  He’s the kind of character whose entire personality just relies on the kind of Adventure Time-esque humor that I just don’t get or enjoy.  The kind of humor that just creeps or grosses me out or bores me instead of making me burst out laughing.  The kind of humor that’s physical-based, but just too slow and poorly paced to be funny like slapstick.  I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s exactly how Onion seems to me and that’s why I dislike Onion.  In Doug Out, for example, Onion has no gross out or creep out jokes, and I don’t mind him as much.  Like he’s not a GOOD character, he still doesn’t bother insisting that there’s something else out there when the others disagree with him, but at least he isn’t scaring me.  OH AND MARCUS FROM DIGIMON DATA SQUAD I immediately thought Onion because he’s a cartoon character, but since this is just for animation in general…aksdhfgfkj i dont know why I hate Marcus so much, I dont want to hate Marcus so much, but I do.  His response to everything is just to punch everything and he’s so entitled and annoying and hotheaded and aAAARG HES JUST INFURIATING, I DIDNT THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE THIS MAD OVER A CHARACTER THAT ISNT FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN BUT HERE I AM

11. A non-animated property you would like to see as a cartoonidk if this counts because it’d have to be an anime probably but FOSSIL FIGHTERS CHAMPIONS!!! LITERALLY I WOULD CRY IF THIS WAS MADE INTO A MANGA OR ANIME PLEASE @ NINTENDO MY FAMILY IS STARVING but seriously can you imagine like….you could have a mute main character (its implied that the protagonist talks a few times but they could be selectively mute or just mime and the dialogue could be rearranged appropriately) and if you choose the female protagonist you could make her gay for Pauleen??? Like I refuse to accept the male protagonist as the “canon” main character bc I want gay sorry.  BUT LIKE!!!  You wouldn’t have to write that much bc its already written!! and its really fucking ridiculous and would probably appeal to like…TTG-loving kids because its so silly asdf BUT ITS ALSO GOOD, IT HAS HEART, PLEASE THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA like its not a good idea for manga/anime because it IS kinda ridiculous and childish but?? it would fit so well as a western cartoon???  Hey Nintendo can you please give me a license to produce this because I swear to god I would if I could

12. A trope or trend in animation that you dislike.Well there are a lot but they aren’t exclusive to animation…?  "Blonde popular bitch" and “damsel in distress” have been two of my personal most-hated for all my life because of who I am/was, but there are others I dislike too.  I also really hate the kinda…style that Adventure Time set up in cartoons.  Like I guess AT isn’t really responsible for ugly-looking cartoons and the type of humor that I dislike, because looking at CN before it aired there were already shows like that (Chowder, Flapjack…) but I think AT really popularized them and :/ it also reworked the same concepts in Chowder and Flapjack and people were like “WOWEE CARTOON RENAISSANCE !!!” and I just kinda….idk.  I have a lot of personal baggage against AT lmao sorry AT fans, like I don’t even hate the show and not all of its effects were bad (not in the slightest) but like TTG I have issues with some of the things it popularized.

13. A currently airing cartoon that you know is going to be forgotten about in the future.Hmm, We Bare Bears maybe, or like Mighty Magiswords.  Like CN plasters Mighty Magiswords everywhere but nobody gives a shit about that show so I feel like its only a matter of time before it disappears yknow?? but maybe im wrong.  WBB doesn’t get the attention it deserves so yeah.  Also maybe that Bunsun is a Beast cartoon over on Nickelodeon? im not sure man

14. The best episode of a cartoon you really like.The Southern Raiders (that’s only one of my favorites tho, like?? The Puppetmaster is tied for first in that season, and that’s just in that season, not including the other two seasons of ATLA)

15. The worst episode of a cartoon you really like.Rocknaldo or any episode centering around Onion, e u c k

16. A cartoon you feel deserves more recognition than it gets.Uhhhhh fuck everything I watch is mainstream cries WBB isn’t that popular and like its a cute, perfectly fine show, but its not like…revolutionary

17. A cartoon you feel deserves less recognition than what it gets.ADVENTURE TIME, also s/o to Regular Show, Clarence, Uncle Grandpa…like those last two aren’t even universally liked but sorry I still think they get too much praise asdf

18. The worst idea you can think of for an animated series.It already exists and its called One Ounce Mouse, but honestly adult cartoons in general are…a bad idea.  Like if you’re just gonna use your adult rating to offend people instead of using it to be insightful or using it to be ACTUALLY FUNNY, what the fuck are you doing with your life?  You should be fired tbqh

19. At what point did you realize a cartoon, any cartoon was starting to get bad?I can’t remember when I realized SpongeBob was starting to get bad, but it was sometime around 2010 or so.  I remember getting really sick of the show when it went to HD/fullscreen because for some reason, all the new character designs got…significantly worse??  Like the season premiere of that season (cant remember which season it was, don’t care to look it up) had three new characters and they all looked…so fucking ugly?  It was really hard to look at?  Like seriously they looked like something out of Sanjay and Craig, not SpongeBob.  Even the main character designs just…looked too smooth and rounded and not good to me.  It reminds me of like Family Guy and i dont like that overly smooth, “we have too much money so we blew it on extra in-between frames instead of good-looking art” style.  I think the final breaking point for me was Squid Baby and the episode where Gary got overly attached to a ball, and realizing that after an episode that actually was kinda legitimately nice (it was the one about Plankton getting a pet) they were never going to bring up Plankton’s pet again and ugh.  Like lack of continuity is nothing new but I really wish he had kept the pet, it was the best thing to happen to the show in literal years.  Like seriously that episode was the best new episode in years, it was legitimately cute even though I had a beef with some of the character designs (as I always did in that season)

20. An experience with a cartoon you thought you were going to like but turned you away from it.I tried watching Bee and Puppycat the other day and it really….put me off….because it had more of that Adventure Time style humor and I legitimately thought it interfered with how the plot should’ve progressed.  Like Bee was way too okay with everything and we didn’t get any explanation for anything because instead she just made weird noises and bit a monster’s tongue off.  I’m still gonna watch the other episodes for the heck of it, so maybe I’ll change my mind, but eh

21. Something you would like to see more than anything in a cartoon.It already exists and it’s called Avatar: The Last Airbender + The Legend of Korra

22. What do you feel makes a cartoon forgettable?That’s….actually a really good question.  Because like, I would’ve forgotten about Adventure Time years ago if it hadn’t been drilled into my head that everyone else thought it was the best thing ever and I didn’t.  I might be off my SU high by now if I didn’t keep reblogging/reading SU-related stuff on tumblr lol.  I guess blandness is what makes your cartoon forgettable.  If its not so bad that it’s funny/everyone needs to insult it, but its not good enough that it gets good reviews, then there’s just…no place for your cartoon, especially if its not profitable so it gets cancelled quickly.