#what kind of fart brained strategy

[smute]

speaking of d. h. lawrence 🥴 on the advice of my thesis supervisor i will (once again) be focusing mostly on his work ("stick to what you know" isn't groundbreaking wisdom but it is really good advice for someone who is writing a final thesis, i.e. a text that is meant to showcase your expertise. 🙃)

i gotta say though... as nice as it is to finally have a solid direction to go in, how will i ever cope with the fact that i have spent the past... 3 (???) months working with literally ANY modernist BUT lawrence

[donutwatches]

MHA 2.7 - Victory or Defeat - part 4

This is my first time watching MHA, and I decided to share all my brain farts on tumblr while watching, pls no spoilers. 

Oh, so OFA is even more like ATLA than I thought. Will Deku have an Avatar state? All Might just handed him this quirk (that seemed to be like a strength enhancer?), but it looks like there is more mystery to the power. Hmmm. 

I know, right? Spooky wooky shit, but All Might, you are not supposed to have the same reaction as me, lol. How is OFA a mystery to him when it is his quirk?

The mystery thickens. What does it mean? Since the “traces” look like the ghosts of previous wielders, will we get a flashback where we learn about who some of them were? I WANT! 

DOES THIS MEAN ALL MIGHT IS DYING? THIS BETTER NOT BE DEATH FORESHADOWING. I AM SCARED. 

If you want to encourage Toadyrocks to use his fire power, belittling him into it is not a great strategy. Even without the family baggage, I feel like anyone would refuse out of regular teen-spite. You’re not the boss of me, Dad!

He’s a Momma’s boy for sure.

I do not totally understand the dynamic going on yet, so I am a bit confused. Flame Face is obviously an asshat, but why does Todoroki have no issue with his Mom when she gave him his scar? I need to learn more! 

Not with that attitude you won’t. 

Total tangent here. Can this guy never wear long sleeves? Or would it have to be an over-sized baggy situation to get his elbows to fit in anything. Now that I’m thinking about it, I want to go to a clothing store in MHA. 

OH SHIT! Peppermint is extra frosty today. These three are seeing their lives flash before their eyes, damn! 

You think? Boy was pissed and Scotch McTape just happened to be there to take the rage blow. It is kind of cute the way he apologized. 

The absolute humiliation. Spiderman-lite is out here getting pity cheered. I would die. 

Episode 8 is here

[makerofmadness]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

Hi uh I just need a post to scream into about the final boss fight of Earthbound while I'm playing it so excuse me while I do this (under the cut because of spoilers of course) because somehow even knowing what I did know about Giygas wasn't enough to prepare me mentally for this:

WHY THE FUDGE DOES HE HAVE NESS'S FACE?????

WHY DOES HE HAVE NESS'S ROCKIN' MOVE TOO??????????? THAT'S NESS'S SIGNATURE WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET IT FROM WHAT THE FUDGE KIND OF CONNECTION IS THIS IMPLYING??????????????????

Pokey. Buddy. Why are you "discharging stinky gases." Are you farting.

THOUGH SERIOUSLY WHAT THE F-

THE HP SUCKER WON'T WORK :((((((

so I think Giygas is invincible or something so I'm just gonna beat the shzt out of Pokey.

I wanna consult my walkthrough but I'm also scared of spoilers :(

Ok I just went carefully and the strategy really is just "beat the shzt out of Pokey" so. Sorry kid.

why did you put a giant Ness sticker on Giygas though Pokester like tell me please. What was the point of the giant Ness face on the orb.

"DEVIL'S MACHINE????"

oh god here it comes

aaaaaand ok yeah I know what Giygas looks like already but. Jesus that's still a creepy design and. Is that breathing noises??-

"His own mind was destroyed by his incredible power. What an all-mighty idiot!" Pokey throwing shade huh-

HE'S GOING TO EAT US??????

OH GOD HELL WHAT

HE KILLED PAULA LIKE IMMEDIATELY????????? Good thing I saved those Lifenoodles.

"Poo could not turn into Giygas" that's probably a good thing actually

WHY IS HE CALLING FOR NESS

OH MY GOD. GIYGAS'S NEXT ATTACK SPECIFICALLY AVOIDED JEFF FOR SOME REASON. ON THE TURN I TELL JEFF TO SPY ON HIM-

Susceptible to Brainshock the one attack I basically never use. Nuts but Poo is at 69 PP it'd be really funny to keep him like that all fight-

welp what the heck time to try.

this turn he didn't even attack. He just calls for Ness again. What do you want????

ok I try to attack him and it actually does Damage but Paula starts crying and now Jeff and Poo are paralyzed what the fudge.

Finally, the perfect moment... *used Monkey Love* *it fails*

PSI Rockin' Omega fails the first time I use it ever. Frick.

GIYGAS DODGES. HOW????? HE'S LITERALLY THE ENTIRE SCREEN??????

Ok I know I'm being all silly but humor is genuinely just my go-to coping mechanism this is like. Genuinely horrifying.

STOP CALLING FOR NESS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM?????

well, guess it's time to go with actually doing the thing I remember hearing you're supposed to do in this fight: A hope and a prayer.

...except I have to revive Paula first 'cus she died again.

Ok so like. When my normal attacks did only 1HP at the start of the fight I thought that meant something but now I think it just means that Poo's offense really doesn't hold up against Giygas without his weapon but I didn't get his weapon 'Cus its drop is chance-based so. Yeah.

healing is becoming a pain why did I give everything to Paula

POKEY?????

DEAR GOD WHAT AM I LOOKING AT NOW

ok I prayed because I heard you needed to do that at some point and Pokey's dialogue here seemed to hint to that but. The dialogue. There's actually dialogue.

THE MR SATURNS????????

ok so the power of all those Mr Saturns praying at once managed to break this guy's defenses I guess and now the screen is trippy and wrong in a NEW way. Yippee-

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FEEL GOOD

THE RUNAWAY FIVE?????

GIYGAS WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FRIENDS?????"

oh hey it's Paula's dad.

I feel like this is what would happen if Void from Kirby had been an RPG fight instead of the usual Kirby style. Kirbbound AU when /j

why did I have to give Paula all the frickin' Brain Food Lunches now I need her to keep praying so I can't use them...

NESS LIFEUP OMEGA QUICKLY PAULA CAN'T DIE ON US SHE'S TOO IMPORTANT DAMMIT

Jeff get 'em (Jeff about to unleash a bazooka on an eldritch horror)

IS THAT TONY??????????? MAN I FORGOT ABOUT THAT KID WHERE'S HE BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME-

"A young woman in Dalaam woke from a dream in which Prince Poo died" so basically she dreamt about his Mu Training seriously what the fxck was that about-

GIYGAS WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO NESS LIKE YOU KNOW HIM OR SOMETHING

FRANK?????????

Ness is going to need. So much therapy after this. I mean all these kids will but especially Ness like Giygas keeps saying weird shzt to him directly.

Jeff keep firing the bazooka

NESS'S MOM

THAT DID OVER A THOUSAND DAMAGE-

WHAT THE FU-

HOW MUCH TRIPPIER IS THIS FIGHT GONNA GET???????

this whole time Jeff has been taking like. Laughably low damage from Giygas's attacks I'll admit. Idk why maybe I just equipped him with something good for this fight and didn't realize but he just took like 9 damage here or something.

though seriously WHAT THE FXCK

"Paula's call was absorbed by the darkness" THE FXCK???????

.

.

I...

I kept praying...?

Aaaaaand Pokey comes in to hint at a sequel I guess. Which. I heard he does actually appear in Mother 3 so I guess that's right-

ok I know my tone shift makes it seem like I'm taking this casually but this is really just me typing while my face is still stuck in the same expression from the shock. Hold on a second I need to process what just happened.

[kittymsmithwritesstuff]

What instruments do you think the legends would play?

Ho boy -

Bloodhound: In line with old Icelandic and Norse instruments, possibly a lyre of some kind. Probably tried out guitar when they started interacting with the modern world more but never really got into it.

Gibraltar: Canonly plays the uke and honestly that’s just his vibe yo. Dude likes to chill. Also probably didn’t wanna bother learning anything more complex. Proooobably slacked off on music lessons in school.

Lifeline: In line with having a higher education, piano and harp. She’s pretty damn good at but prefers the piano; she was in lessons from toddlerhood all the way up until she left home at 19. She avoids both in favor of the drums.

Pathfinder: Tesla coils that he codes to play hot cross buns. Mirage will sometimes mess with his Tesla coils, so they play the Death March from Star Wars.

Wraith: Honestly, don’t think she can play any. Not her priority. Can whistle a fine tune and knows several, though she has no idea when or where she picked this skill up. She likes to imagine she was some kind of whistle aficionado in the 3rd grade. Seems like something a kid would do.

Bangalore: Also piano, her Nana taught her because “Lord forbid a girl don’t know how to play an instrument”. Bangalore never really understood what Nana meant by that, since she said the same thing about all her brothers. Unlike Lifeline, Bangalore actually really enjoys playing when she can and usually subs in when the piano player at her church is out. Also can pluck a guitar a little bit from what Jackson taught her, but after he went missing she couldn’t bring herself to learn any more, or play. He’d be really disappointed, but she tries not to think about it.

Caustic: He’s a clarinet hoe. His mom thought it would help him socialize. All it taught him was that he hated the clarinet. And the guy who played the triangle because he never hit it on time. Fuck, he hated that guy.

Mirage: Literally just Inchworm on the piano. He filled up all his brain space with engineering stuff, cocktail recipes and his own top 10 Apex plays.

Octane: The only thing he had the attention span and want to learn was the jaw harp, ‘cause it was one of the weirdest things he could think of at the time. He was also motivated because it pissed off his dad and wives number 3-5. 6 was actually pretty chill with it. He does technically know how to play the piano and violin through lessons he was forced into, but he’s elected to forget everything. Would probably shred an electric guitar if he got interested enough to learn it because he, as a rule, is actually really good/smart about things he cares about.

Wattson: She’s the one that showed Path you could make music with Tesla coils. She likes to use them to recreate classical pieces. She found if she puts on her suit and stands between two of them, she can make her own music. This freaked Wraith the fuck out the first time she showed her, even though she knew she’d be okay.

Crypto: He can’t play any actual instruments, but he can use one of those music creation programs to make beats or arrange instruments as if he had an orchestra to control. Dude couldn’t have really afforded an instrument or lessons growing up by my guess, but he had some kind of access to a computer, and if anything, he could have pirated the program, so that’s why he probably can’t play anything outside of it. Started playing with classical music more when he and Wattson became friends.

Revenant: As a human? Probably nothing. As a Sim? One time he took two femurs to a guy’s ribcage and managed a decent rendition of hot cross buns.

Loba: Once she got to the point where she blended into high society instead of just trying to hide within it, she got herself piano, flute and violin lessons. Piano is a pretty standard instrument in the homes and event halls of the rich, and she frequently uses it to impress high profile guests. Violin is equally respectable and easily portable. She learned the flute as an extra “in case” instrument, one that is still acceptable, but a little more unexpected and unique for clients that might appreciate that. In short, it’s all about strategy for her.

Rampart: She can play happy birthday with armpit farts. (She has been banned from doing this at parties. Except for Octane’s, he encourages it). She also is like those guys that play things like jingle bells by shooting different metal disks in bumfuck nowhere. I love her.

Mary: Pan flute. She learned it for DND as a young teenager. Has dressed up as a woodland elf for Halloween multiple times. Will play funny tunes at seemingly inappropriate times as a way to cheer people up; it almost always works.

Fuse: We know that dude shreds the electric guitar 100 percent. Plays exclusively old fucker music. A favorite at parties.

Valkyrie: Never bothered to learn, can play literally nothing. She can keep a beat just fine and dance pretty well, but she had other things to dedicate her time to and neither of her parents were musically inclined.

Seer: He’s one of those people that can just pick up an instrument and play it; all the traditional ones, some less mainstream like the oboe or something. Had done jaw harp duets with Octane. A virtuoso. Would probably be able to play even more instruments than he already can if he stopped playing so much pinball in his spare time.

[cherriesink]

Yamagami Tokuichi - Murmurs

Murmurs are snippets of character reflection earned by increasing Explore Points during Exploration. They usually include 6-7 monologues about other characters and 3-4 monologues about things important to the specific character.

These lines are taken straight from the English translation of the game, so fair warning of bad grammar.

About Yatsufusa “Yatsufusa... is like a son to me. I can’t help myself whenever I see his hopeless eyes.

...But I don’t blame him. Because it takes time to accept the fact you’e suddenly become a vampire that can only drink blood. Even I haven’t fully accepted it myself. Why are we alive... and how long do we have to endure this... What’s the point of all this anyway? Nobody can keep up if those thoughts cross their mind.

But he is a C-Class- unlike an unranked vampire like me. He’s surrounded by good people too. He can live a good life if he wishes to.

Wait, “life”? ...Are we livin’ a “life” when we never die? We don’t have a clue how long vampires last... Argh, there’s no way I can teach him somethin’ because even I don’t know what vampires are exactly. I’m so unreliable...”

About Kurusu “I became a vampire the same time as Kurusu. I was a major and he was a private first-class. I was a bigwig when I was a human who didn’t even know Kurusu existed...! Then, I was bitten by a vampire and became unranked in the vampire ladder. And Kurusu, who was just a private first-class is now an A-Class vampire- the strongest in Japan...

In the military, you can climb up the ladder by working your butt off. But an unranked vampire stays unranked no matter what... 

Why?! Why did this happen to me?! I was just an honest guy... Where did I miss my step and let a private-first class surpass me...? 

Life can change in the blink of an eye. It would’ve been me and not Kurusu ranking in A-Class if I would’ve walked a little more to the right. You really can’t guess what life brings you.”

About Maeda “Maeda is worse than a vampire when it comes to being disdainful! You know how people call each other evil? Well, he’s the master of evil! He’s always been like that. Cause he doesn’t have any friends. He always looks down on others. That’s just how he is. 

It’s the worst when you go against him in kendo... He doesn’t care about samurai spirit and kicks. He was boastin’ that he’s a master of Taisha, but he’s outta his mind if he thinks his moves are so elegant, belongin’ to a classical martial arts school! Call it “Maeda” school if you must. He provokes you and threatens you, playin’ with your mental state. He attacks once the opponent loses it. It still gives me the chills when I remember his fightin’ strategy.

He’s now leading Code Zero, but nothin’ has changed about him. I feel bad for the vampires that he taunts and then kills. Poor them... they underestimate him ‘cause he appears human. But that’s a bad idea ‘cause he’s not.”

About Takeuchi “Why does Takeuchi wanna his inventions on me every single time?! Invent all he wants. But why does he always have to use them on me? 

He’s not scary ‘cause he’s a vampire. He’s simply a monster. He’s intelligent, and my hats are off to his inventions. But he lacks heart. I don’t think there are any vampires out there like him. I doubt that anything has changed from when he was a human.

I hate the skunk ball the most out of his inventions. Only vampires understand how bad it smells. The smell even gets to the eyes. What’s even worse is that our clothes absorb the smell and won’t come off for a week. Yes! It’s effective in battle ‘cause we all have the deodorize mask and it stops the enemy for a second. In a way, it’s the best weapon. But I can’t stand the lingering smell after we take off the mask! Make a soap that gets rid of the smell if you’re gonna invent somethin’ like the skunk ball, Takeuchi!”

About Suwa “Suwa mocked me from the first time we met. He might look like an innocent kid, but... I can never win against him in arguements either. I secretly call him “Mini Maeda.” He said he was already alive before the Edo period. But I can’t believe that he managed to survive that long with his personality. I mean he said hunting vampires is his hobby... What kind of hobby is that? I guess he holds some knd of a grudge against vampires because he grins when he kills them. Talk about horror stories, right? 

Yet, he likes watchin’ plays, so I don’t get that guy at all. If he still has humanness left inside him where he enjoys watchin’ plays, then why can’t he share that with me? Total mystery I tell you.

Oh... and another thing I hate about Suwa is how he likes to quote kabuki. It stops our meeting ‘cause it doesn’t make sense at all, so we gotta ask what he means.

So, to sum it all up.. evil ones will always be evil, no matter how long they live for.”

About Defrott “Defrott is a mysterious guy. Apparently, he became a vampire during the Hundred Years’ War... But you don’t see underaged vampires that often. Because they’ll burn themselves before figuring things out. And I heard western vampires kill underaged ones. So- it’s tougher for them to survive.

It’s even tough for an ordinary vampire to survive. Yet, he appears to be a child and made it through the Hundred Years’ War. So... he must be really smart. I’m sure he’s mighty since he’s an S-Class... But I bet he has to be pretty wise if he was goin’ against another S-Class ‘cause he’s pretty petite.

Although... he’ll vanish me before I can even realize it since I’m unranked.

Defrott... is a French name. But the Hundred Years’ War took place where things were complicated between England and France, so he must be pretty complicated too. I wonder where he was born.”

About Tenman-ya “I feel relaxed at Tenman-ya. So, maybe I’m suited to work as their manager instead of Code Zero. I bet they rarely have dangerous jobs, so I’m seriously thinkin’ if I should work for them and leave the military...

Only, they deal with vampires far more than Code Zero does. It’s a problem ‘cause the eyes of vampires ranking above me freaks me out... it’s really terrifying.

And I heard that even the ones you should avoid go there too. If I leave the army, I won’t be able to use any of Takeuchi’s weapons. So, when I consider that... I mean, I’m just an old fart that’s slightly stronger than a normal person. Just thinkin’ about being surrounded by vampires gives me the chills...! In the end, Zero is the safest place because Kurusu is there. 

I heard Shinnosuke’s grandfather passed away when he was just a child... He must’ve sacrificed a lot of things.”

About Family “I wonder what Tomiko is doing right now... She originally came to our house as a servant. I was 14. It was love at first sight. My father found out my feelings for her, and fired Tomiko. I left my house to be with her and I went to her house. 

But I was rejected by her parents... Because we weren’t socially equal... Who know how many times I begged for their approval. I didn’t care if my family disowned me. 

I went to her house everyday... But I realized that I never asked how she felt about me after persuading both of our parents... I remember my body shaking when I asked her to marry me.

I promised her that I’ll love her for the rest of her life... but... I’m sorry, love... I’m sorry I became a vampire... I can’t be by your side anymore. 

But I will keep my promise. I’ll always watch over you. Until... your very last moments.”

About the Past “I wasn’t good at kendo, judo, or jukendo... So I worked my butt off. I studied military strategies so that I can become a general one day. Takenaka Hanbei and Kuroda Kanbei were my idols because they won battles solely with their brains...

But the secret order given to me by the Empire was espionage of Britain’s special unit. I had no clue where to look into at first. But soon after, I found that I was gettin’ myself into an atrocious matter...

Nobody would’ve guessed that it was a vampire research. Vampires lost their homes- as modernization took place during the Industrial Revolution. And the British Empire asked for cooperation in exchange for providing them a place to live. Now that I think of it, that was the template of Code Zero...

And I ended up gettin’ bitten, becoming a vampire myself... Nothing went according to plan for me.”

About the Change “Nothin’ interests me since becoming a vampire. Code Zero does pay us... but I told them to send all the money to Tomiko. 

I can live as long as I drink blood, so it’s not like I have any hobby. I don’t go watch plays like Suwa. And it’s not like we can go out to eat or grab somethin’ to drink. It’s pointless to dress up. I mean, where do we have that we can go to lookin’ fancy, right? 

So, that’s probably why vampires need a hobby or else we’ll die of boredom. I only cared of Tomiko’s happiness and nothin’ else. So, I don’t have a clue how to kill time...

Oh yeah, an ambassador taught me chess back when I was in Britain. Maybe I can be the strongest chess player if I keep playin’ it for 100 years. Kurusu... is my only choice I guess. I doubt he’s any good though.”

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from the movie “Dogma”

“I’m as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.”

“May I continue uninterrupted?”

“Mention something from a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone’s a theology scholar!”

“Read that book again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. It stinks.”

“So you were an artist? Big deal.”

“That’s why he’s the King, and you’re a schmuck.”

“ I repeat; this is not a drill. This is the Apocalypse. ”

“ We call this piece "The Fecalator.” One look at it and your target shits him or herself.“

” I just love to fuck with the clergy, man, I just love it.“

"Let’s kill people.”

“Ah, Sweet Jesus! Did you have to use the whole can?!”

“Or you’ll do what exactly? Hit me with that…fish?”

“Honestly, you bottom feeders and your arrogance, you think everybody’s just trying to get in your knickers.”

“Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals?”

“I am to charge you with a holy crusade.”

“What’s the fine print?”

“I hate when people need it spelled out for them!”

“We’re here to pick up chicks.”

“Well, it’s a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it’s not nearly as impressive.”

“How am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? ”

“What work did you do? You lit a few fires.”

“Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.”

“You’re a man of principle.”

“We figure an abortion clinic’s a good place to meet loose women.”

“You’ll offer us sex as a reward?”

“Fucking Breakfast Club; all these stupid kids actually show up for detention.”

“Movies are fucking bullshit.”

“This is gonna sound really bad. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this, but…”

"Someone told me I’d meet you and you’d take me some place I was suppose to go.”

“I feel like Han Solo, you’re Chewie, and she’s Ben Kenobi and we’re in that fucked up bar!”

“She’s the slut. Booong!”

“All right, well lets say we’re caught in a situation where we have like five minutes left to live. I don’t know, a bomb or something’s gonna go off; would you fuck us then?”

“Tell me something nobody knows.”

“When you do it, you’re thinking about guys.”

“Wars, bigotry, televangelism.”

“You’re saying having beliefs is a bad thing?”

“My eyes are open. For the first time, I get it.”

“Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship, and bowing and scraping and adoration.”

“You know, all I’m saying is that maybe one of us needs a little nap…”

“I think we may have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.”

“See, don’t let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me, once. ”

“I’ve heard a rant like this before.”

“I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the throne. ”

“Would you - could you - have believed me? You had to come to it gradually. Only now, after all you’ve seen, could you accept the truth.”

“I don’t want this. It’s too big.”

“It’s unfair! It’s unfair to ask a child to shoulder that responsibility, and it’s unfair to ask you to do the same.”

“I wish I could take it all back. But I can’t. This is who you are.”

“Everything I am is a lie.”

“No one can take that away from you, not even God. ”

“I guess this means no more cheating on my taxes.”

“Come on, demon, I wanna see you try that shit on someone who’s already dead!”

“And the pawns are moving into place as we speak…”

“But then your kind came along, and made it so much worse.”

“But true to his irresponsible nature, man won’t own up to being its engineer, so he blames his dark deeds on my ilk!”

“I’d rather not exist than go back to that…and if everyone has to go down with me, so be it.”

“The whole fucking world’s against us, dude, I swear to God. ”

“If I had a dick, I’d go get laid.”

“I think that God is dead.”

“I can’t wait to die.”

“Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear.”

“I’m responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time.”

“The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them.”

“Don’t you think it’s time we went home?”

“No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air.”

“What the fuck is this shit? Who the fuck are you, lady? Why the fuck did you hug my head? ”

“What the fuck is this, The Piano? Why ain’t this broad talking?”

“You of anyone should know that tits don’t make a woman.”

“But I’m a fuckin’ demon.”

“Guys like us just don’t fall out of the fucking sky, you know.”

“Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.”

“You’re Catholic, can’t you talk to them?”

“Consequences schmonsequences.”

“Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!”

“Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.”

“You can’t be anal-retentive if you don’t have an anus. ”

“Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses, in blood!”

“I’m feeling a little exposed here…”

“Wings, now!”

“I know they were just kids, but we kicked their fucken pube-less asses!”

“Anyone who isn’t dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.”

“Are you saying you believe?”

“I’m telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.”

“Go back to your paper routes, you Mighty Duck fucks.”

“Very basic strategy. If your enemies know where you are, then don’t be there.”

“Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.”

“You’re his father, you sick fuck.”

“You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life.”

“You have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud.”

“You’re awfully nude.”

“You know, maybe you’re wrong about this slaughter thing.”

“The major sins never change.”

“What, are you insinuating that I don’t have what it takes anymore?”

“Get me a… Holy Bartender.”

“Not born. SHIT into existence.”

“I can take anyone I meet and give a zillion and nine ideas a second, but I can’t keep any for myself.”

“I have issues with anyone who treats God as a burden instead of a blessing.”

“You people don’t celebrate your faith; you mourn it.”

“Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains got to wake up.”

“You were martyred?”

“I can’t believe we forgot about the magazine.”

“Smoke that motherfucker like it ain’t no thang!”

“NOBODY IS FUCKING ME! YOU GOT THAT!?”

“If you don’t pipe down, I’m going to yank your sack off like a paper towel.”

“Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what should be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.”

“Well, I say we get drunk, because I’m all out of ideas.”

“Oh no, I’ve seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.”

“You’re looking at eons of repression getting purged.”

“If only they’d let us jerk off.”

“Quit killing people, that’s high profile.”

“So do you do anal? Is it true that chicks fart if you blast ‘em in the ass?”

“The man was right about you. And I am going to go home and tell him so.”

“Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.”

“You know, I hear pregnant women can have sex until their third trimester.”

“You’re a pure soul… but you didn’t say "God bless you” when I sneezed.“

"Holy shit, it’s the Pope!”

“Ever the fucking apple polisher!”

“Hey Big Bird! Wanna play the Counting Game? Count the shells, Sucker Duck!”

“Snoogans.”

“So this is all about revenge.”

“After the first couple million years, escape from hell became my all consuming reason.”

“You mean, I’m pregnant?”

“You think someone threw him out of a plane with a message written on him like in Con Air? You ever see that flick?”

“It’s the living dead! Kill it! Kill it!”

“Wait a second! Between guys with wings, guys falling out of the sky, and guys trying like hell to fuck me, I think I’ve been pretty patient so far, and I’m not taking another step until you tell me where the hell you came from!”

“I came from Heaven.”

“Is this why I had to come down here this morning, man? Is this why I had to miss my fucking cartoons?”

“Let me give you a little inside information about God.”

“People die for it, people kill for it.”

“His piece will be rubbing inside of your armor!”

“You know ,death is a worry of the living. The dead like myself only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.”

“I told them I was coming up on a routine possession.”

“'Makin’ with the love.’ It’s a nice way of saying boning.”

“Do I come off as gay?”

“I got half a stock when she kissed me.”

“I hope you’re the skeeball type.”

“Bow down, stupid!”

“It never ends!”

“What the fuck happened to that guy’s head?!”

“She’s a clever girl, that one.”

“You ready to make some of those changes I’ve been talking about?”

“One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.”

“All is being taken care of.”

“Why are we here?”

*touches nose and makes funny noise*

“I told you she was a woman.”

“She’s not really a woman. She’s not really anything.”

“She’s something alright.”

“Are you saying you believe?”

“Crisis of faith over?”

“Why don’t you name the kid after me?”

“We’re in Mexico?”

“I couldn’t help it, the bitch was hot!”

“You know, you can’t talk to me like that anymore, I’m gonna be somebody’s mother.”

“Yo, we should go to Quick Stop.”

[cuntess-carmilla]

You said you were a designer, how is it, do you like it? I've heard all kind of stuff but i'm curious tbh

I have a love-hate relationship with it. Most of my hate of it comes from no job is fun or too doable when you’re chronically ill.

[Chronically ill reasons in case those don’t apply to you and you’re not interested in my sob story]

I have a very hard time being consistent because I still don’t have a proper grasp on how to keep my health afloat so I’m not just taken over by chronic fatigue very unpredictably (and often for long-ish because I rarely have any idea what the fuck I’m doing wrong THIS time), but by brain fog as an immediate consequence of fatigue. Whiiiiiiich is a terrible combination with autistic executive dysfunction.

When I’m in that state even if I do manage to force myself to work, I’m just entirely out of any interesting, creative or even just functional ideas, I’m very likely to not understand shit of what I’m supposed to do, of what I’m doing, and it’s. Hell. More so when it comes to web design since I actually use HTML and CSS coding.

[End of chronically ill reasons]

The rest of my hate is something I know for a fact every graphic designer hates. The fucking industry. Even beyond just how whipped and most likely underpaid you are if you’re working for an agency, company, etc, THE CLIENTS! THE FUCKING CLIENTS. That’s a pain in the ass even if you’re a 100% independent and successful designer.

Design labor is so undervalued both as a concept and monetarily. People who’re not in the field treat it like it’s just doodling and shit, or like the work gets done by itself with a click or two since we use Cool Software. And by God do so many clients have THE WORST taste and ideas of shit.

One thing a lot of people don’t think about (understandably, they’re not in the field after all) is that when you see an awful piece of advertisement or design, not always, but MANY TIMES it has more to do with what the client twisted the advertisers/designers’ hand to do while we cringe than with us actually being THAT bad at our jobs. We suggest “Are you sure this is the direction you want to take? Are you REALLY sure you prefer that option over this one obviously superior option, I mean, I put in the one you’re choosing to force you to choose this one wtf is wrong with you?" and they’re just like... “Yup, that’s what I want and if you don’t make it I’m taking my money elsewhere.” Even when you do propose nothing but good options they’ll often be like “Nah, try again” or “That’s cute but I would like my face to be there occupying 3/4 of the space because I want to show it to my friends oh and I’d like this in neon vomit green please”.

Regarding employers if you’re not self-employed, the people above you will usually honest to God work you into depletion mercilessly. You’re expected to fart out piece after piece after piece on a ridiculous schedule EVEN THOUGH IT’S VERY UNLIKELY THAT THEY’RE PAYING YOU DECENTLY AND THEY’LL “ASK” YOU TO DO SHIT THAT’S NOT DESIGN AT ALL BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO DO IT LEST YOU BE UNCOOPERATIVE AND FIRED.

My first internship had me counting uniforms manually one by one, packaging them with paper and tape, moving across boxes about as big and heavy as me for hours and then mailing them around the fucking country. I was NOT told I was supposed to do that until after I got signed in and it wasn’t a matter of Abuse The Intern either, because the girl who was slightly above me was the one who did that until I got there and they had me still doing that BETWEEN THE DESIGN AND MARKETING ASPECTS OF THE JOB once I was officially employed. For fuck’s sake, part of the reasons why I’m in this sort of field is that I do NOT want to do any sort of physical labor because I can’t do it.

As to what I do love about it. Just the work itself when I’m not feeling like I’m dying. I love aesthetics, I love making things, I love making things pretty and refining things, I love communication and strategy. Granted, I would still not do that much if the industry didn’t suck and capitalism wasn’t a thing because I’m still chronically ill, but God it’d be much happier labor by a million times. It can be so much FUN under the right conditions. I love too when I make something for someone else and they really like it and it works, when I see that someone loves what I made for them. I love making things I’m proud of, too. Which doesn’t happen too often because I’m a self-hating hypercritical Perfectionist™ but still, the few times it happens it feels so good.

[dogtrainings66-blog]

Natural Brain Basic well being Well-being supplement For Dogs

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There exists simply no quick way. I'm likely to replicate that. There exists simply no quick way. What we old farts nevertheless quaintly contact a correspondence university is not going to make you a dog trainer.†A two few days , 6 week , or 6 four weeks training training course is not going to probably make you a dog trainer. Dog training is really a career, a scientific research, an athletic self-control, and an earlier art work. You generally tend not to learn any of the above by means of a collision program. (And if you believe you could make up for a long procedure for assimilation, processing, drilling along with cogitation on experience with fourteen-60 minutes-day "high intensity" - check with me to convert many ancient Greek text for you without the need of my sentence structure on one joint and also a Liddell lexicon on the other.) Plastic crates are thicker, less loud (when dogs move about) and if a dog comes with an incident it is going to secure the incident as an option to give it time to seep from the edges. They don't disintegrate as quickly as wire crates in addition aren't as easy to fit in areas. They might be stronger than cable crates for dogs that are solid, except if you get greater gauge cable in the cable crates (special order). They don't add a divider hence if you have a puppy you'll need to obtain numerous to allow for the puppy primarily because it expands. It's very easy to nice and clean out and clean, as compared to the all cable crates.

The same attitude might go on top of numerous off of leash dogs, that happen to be educated of the exact reality you are getting in touch with them, even so truly feel they have the electricity to neglect you if they truly feel there can be a lot of other method to obtain strengthening that's far more intriguing than you. It's as if they had been saying "I observed you, nonetheless I'm just a little hectic, I'll be there within a moment or two." They can be experienced (via experience) of the reality that you can't capture them if they are far away. Never ever chase a dog to obtain him! Carrying this out will just train your dog that you are not able to get him along with it might turn into a exciting game-for your dog- which might get him in severe issues!

It is great book for kids as well as older men and women to. If you follow his dog training approach which is dependent upon exercising, discipline and also affection, together with have the ability to train on your own into changing in a quiet and comfortable director for your dog, then you' ll know that dealing with your own dog may possibly indeed be described as a considerably less tough task than a lot of anxiety. Dog whisperer training book is my personal favorite goods offered the foregoing complete 7 days. His companion dvd, the dog whisperer, is scored the most beneficial household dog training digital video disc in the marketplace. Who holders away from each other as the dog whisperer? The dog whisperer by graeme sims is inside the finest guides for dog fanatics.

Lastly, I hope the way you genuine love to think about your dog for a walk similarly you will actual adore to train him. When you train your canine, it might become a representation of your personal persona. Finding precisely how effectively behaved your dog is, anybody will most likely be surprised by you. These dog training tips are only the policies that you can follow. When you start off with yours Brain Training For Dogs Program you will find even more of them on the own.

That techniques or trainers are right or use the very absolute best techniques? Hackles are generally elevated when personal trainers evaluate every single other and frequently there is present lots of clash. Good perception determines that dogs ought to learn working with the very minimum volume of pressure as you possibly can. Right after all, do you take pleasure in understanding with a trainer that highly regarded you each and every time you got an A or do you choose that indicate arithmetic instructor that yelled, pulled your hair as well as each over-all body hated? In the same way teachers will not be the same as decades ago (an educator would enter trouble nowadays for hitting a youngster about the fingers developing a wood ruler) dog training is during the entire method for developing with the same time. And simply because training dogs is mainly about developing a bond, kind training methods are perfect. More and much more trainers, indeed are embracing push-free of charge training methods these days and also with great results. Dogs trained using push-free of charge, soft strategies are more joyful, more healthy and also keen to remember to!

[angelicguy]

wow... president trump.... i wonder what kind of populist strategy his mind is composing right now

*cut to his brain, its empty with a radio playing the intro to “pork and beans” but with fart midis*

[johnismyreason]

Episode 4: « I force the entrance »

gif credit: @peakystitches

PREVIOUS EPISODES

The next day, as expected, the Solomons and the Shelbys met at the same café the day before, at the same time. They had coffee and breakfast and set off.

"I have several places to show you, in several different parts of Paris, all different. What kind of customers do you want ?”

“The best” answered straight away Arthur.

“That has the merit of being clear. Well, I have what you need."

They get into a car, which Elsa drove. They crossed all types of streets, boulevards, avenues,... Once again the English discovered Paris and marvelled inside. They're English, they don't let anything appear, right ? They finally arrived in front of a fairly busy café-bistro: it was a mixed population. There were bourgeois, merchants, craftsmen, workers,... They were all mixed because they come to this café particularly because it made most of the sports bets, especially horse racing. The manager sees the group entering his establishment and already knows what will happen.

"Good morning, gentlemen and lady. My name is Clément. What can I do for you ?”

“We're going to have some tea," Elsa replied.

“Good. Green, grey, black tea ?”

“Give us the color you want, man. We're going to sit down.”

“Perfect” he swallowed. “I'll bring this to you right away.” He waved to them to move forward in the room to settle in. They sat on a red couch under large mirrors.

“So what do you think ?” asked Alfie.

“I say it's fucking chic here. This makes me want to fart in silk" said Arthur. John laughed at his brother's remark, while Tom looked up at the ceiling, jind of desperate.

“The place welcomes all types of people. There are no longer any social classes when it comes to making money effortlessly," said Elsa. “It seems that the manager makes 5000 francs in just one week. Not just when there are horse races. People bet on other sports too.”

“It looks very good to me," said John.

“Besides, if you have a racehorse, people will take it as their mascot, and bet on it. They will come to consume and play even more.”

“It's a good strategy," commented Thomas. “Are the games rigged ?”

“No, everything is in order.”

“And the manager, what do we do with him ?”

“We'll take care of it.” At the same time Clément walked in with the tea and served his customers. “Do you need anything else ?”

“Yes. Your business.” Elsa answered, looking into his eyes. Clement, stopped moving and breathing. He knew he was going to lose his bistro the moment Elsa came in with his gang.

“I can't, miss... This bistro has been in the family for generations. I can't sell it to you.”

“Who told you I want to buy it ?”

“I thought that....”

“No, I'm gonna put the pressure on you, the pressure of my gun on your skull and either pull the trigger or not. It's up to you.” She took a sip of her tea, as if her threat was a little friendly message.

“Miss Solomons, I'm really sorry, I can't give it to you.” Elsa put her cup down.

“The thing is, it's not even for me. It's for them” she pointed at the Peaky Blinders with her chin. “They wanted to have a business in Paris and I thought this was the best place to do it. You know, you're very lucky it's for them and not for me. They're much softer than I am. They may be willing to buy it from you.”

“Again, the bistro is not for sale.” Clément raised his voice, which Elsa didn't like.

“Very well. We're leaving. I'll leave the tea on your account, huh... As compensation for the bad service.” She got up and signaled to the men to do the same.

“We're leaving ? asked JOhn who didn’t understand the conversation in french.

“Yes, he's a wanker. I'll find you another place. Come on.” Thomas caught the young woman by the arm.

“There is no way I'm leaving," he said quietly to Elsa.

“Who told you we were leaving ?” She freed herself from Tommy's grip, and turnt to Clément. “Where is the phone, please ?”

“There is one only in my office," replied Clément.

“Well, where's your office, then," she sighed.

“It's this way.” Clément showed him the way to his office. They entered a small room with a window. He handed Elsa the phone. She took the member who allows to hear and stunned Clément with it. He fell to the ground but Elsa immediately lifted him up by the collar, and punched him in the nose. Then a second time, a third time. That was when the Peaky Blinders came into the office, alarmed by the screams.

“Elsa !” shouted Tommy. But the young woman didn't care and put Clément against the wall. He moaned in pain. She approached his ear and whispered:

“You're gonna give me your bistro or I'm gonna blow your fucking head off, understand ? I'm losing patience here, I don't know if you've noticed.” Clément cried and grined. His whole body was shaking with fear and pain. As he gave no answer, Elsa pulled out her weapon, removed the security and pointed it at the poor man's temple. “I count to three Clement, then I blow your brains out. One... two... two... thr…”

“Alright !” he shouted. “It's okay! It's okay! Take the bistro... Take it…” he sighed. Elsa had a smile of satisfaction on her face.

“Thank you. Wise decision.” She dropped him to the ground and he curled up moaning in pain and sadness. “There you guys are, you're the new owners of the bar. We'll make new documents saying you own the place. My guys will do that.” She paused for a short while and examined the desk and the man on the ground, then turnt to the Peaky Blinders. “Shall we have a drink to celebrate ? You invite me hahahaha !” She laughed hysterically. She took her uncle's arm and they left. Arthur got behind the bar and served the group some whiskey. They each had a drink and Elsa rose hers. “To the new bosses ! Welcome to Paris, darlings !” She made her glass ring on those of others who imitated her.

A customer walked up to a server and asks: "I would like to bet on Moca, number 7. I bet 150 francs". Elsa looked at the boys who didn't understand what the man had just said.

“Guys, you're going to get yourself some golden balls," she said, drinking a sip of her whiskey.

“It's all thanks to you," said John. “If you knew it made a lot of money, why didn't you take it ?”

“I don't know... I wanted to have other businesses than bars and restaurants. Also, I like to save bistros that suck. So there was no challenge there.”

“Anyway, it's a very nice place. Thank you again Elsa.” Tommy rose his glass in her direction.

“I should learn from you, Elsa," said Alfie.

“What do you mean?

“Put my fist in someone's face to get what I want. That's the only thing they understand. When I get home, I'll do that. The guy you just smashed up, he barely fought for what he has ! It's so easy.” Elsa laughed, but not the Peaky Blinders, still embarrassed by the young woman's methods of persuasion. They finished their drinks and left.

“What do you want to do now ?” asked Elsa.

“Let's go see the Bastille! I want to see where the fucking French cut off their fucking king's head," laughed Arthur.

“Arthur, first of all the Bastille was destroyed during the Revolution, there is nothing left, so you won't see the prison," explained Elsa with a slight hint of contempt in her voice. “Secondly, he was guillotined in the Place de la Révolution, now called Place de la Concorde. If you want we can go, and then there is the Tuileries garden and the Louvre. What do you think of that ?”

“It's perfect," replied Alfie always very enthusiastic. Let's go!"

They climbed into the car and Elsa drove them to Paris. They arrived in a perpendicular street to the Place de la Concorde, where they parked. They got off the car and walked towards the Obelisk. Once in the square, Elsa recounted what happened on January 21, 1790, the day the French guillotined their king. They then headed for the Jardin des Tuileries in the direction of the Louvre:

"It's still incredible that you dared to behead your king," John told Elsa. The other three men being further ahead. “You really have to hate your sovereign.”

“I don't think we hated our king. We hated the system to which we gave everything, but which gave us nothing in return, not even the right to express ourselves, not even the right to count in society. It had to stop. But you're not going to tell me you love your king, are you ?”

“I could !” he replied. “No, the thing is, I don't really care. I do my business and that's it. Politics and all that crap, it's not for me.”

“Your stuff or Tommy's ?”

“What do you mean ?”  

“Well, he's still the one who makes all the decisions without ever consulting you and Arthur, he makes you do the dirty work,... Alfie told me that.”

“That's not true. We decide together.”

“Oh, yeah? What about the story with the Russians ? Alfie told me no one knew what was going on except Tommy. And that he was giving you assignments and that you shouldn't ask questions. Isn't that true either? I thought your company was a family business. Tommy is a family member, he's not the family alone. You deserve to know what's going on.” She stopped talking for a moment, and saw that John was uncomfortable. “Anyway, it's none of my business. Let's talk about other things.”

“ About what ?” asked the youngest of the Shelbys.

“Anything you want.

“All right. Would you like to have dinner with me ?” dared to ask John. And here it is again, that naughty smile that has certainly broken many hearts. Elsa was surprised by his request.

“I don't know. I don't know. If it's asked correctly, we can work something out," she says.

“Elsa Solomons,” John stopped and standed in front of the young woman so that she faced him, “would you do me the great honor of having dinner with me tonight ?” He smiled and she didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Avec plaisir. But tonight I can't, I have business to do. Tomorrow, I'm free," she smiled. John imitated her, satisfied with the answer of his future date for one night. They started walking one step faster to catch up with the rest of the group.

They finally arrived at the pyramid. They then decided to enter the museum. They visited a few rooms, examining paintings and other works of art. Everyone stopped at different paintings to look at them.

"It pisses me off with all this museum bullshit stuff,” grunted Arthur. “What the fuck are we doing here ? And then this painting, what's so special about it ?”

“It's Arthur art, try to appreciate it.” said Thomas.

“Yeah well, it pisses me off," he replied, sitting on a bench in the middle of the room.

Thomas joined Elsa who was admiring a huge canvas depicting a war scene. She saw him approaching in her field of vision and started the conversation:

"Don't you think we feel the fear of the soldiers ? But also their hatred towards their enemies. I don't understand that.”

“ What don’t you understand ?”

“War.” Thomas closed his face in confusion. “After all, they are men used as pawns in a context they did not choose. The kings, the government chose, not them. They just wanted to survive and hope one day to live.”

“Isn't that what you do ?”

“War ?”

“Yes. You manipulate people, you use them as your pawns. You're confronting other clans. And the people you torture, they didn't choose that.” Elsa listened to the Shelby chief carefully, but didn’t look at him.

“Of course if they chose it. War is something I do locally, between two damn Mafia clans. Civilians are not in danger. You choose to be a gangster. I don't manipulate, I'm an open book in terms of my working methods. I'll let you know. People don't listen, it's their problem, they pay the consequences.”

“Did you choose to be a gangster ?” asked Thomas. Elsa thought, staring into the void.

“I chose to survive, Thomas. I had several choices, I chose this one. I will pay the consequences for the rest of my life.” She turnt to him. “So will you.”

“I’m not like you.”

“Fuck no, you're not like me. You're weak and scared... You're sentimental and you let your emotions guide you. We don't play in the same class, Thomas. You're not like me. But you're a gangster anyway, because you chose to get involved in this, and now you're already starting to pay the consequences.” She started leaving but Thomas kept talking.

“How do you plan to integrate my horse into Longchamps ?”

“How do you expect me to do that ? I force the entrance, old sport, I force the entrance…” She joint her uncle, and continued the visit.

After a two-hour visit, the Peaky Blinders and Solomons decided to return to their hotel, so they headed to their car. The vehicle was still there but someone was inside. Elsa pulled out her gun: "Get the fuck out of there, asshole ! Hurry up!". The thief started the car and it exploded, propelling the group backwards.

[philosworkbench]

Solopreneurs: What’s your fastest Shower,  Ship, Succeed story?

Maybe this term already exists. I have no idea. But here’s what I want to talk about: I had an idea for a new class while in the shower yesterday. I announced I was doing it today. It starts in two weeks. In six weeks, I’ll have a pretty clear picture of how successful it was. That seems like a turnaround that solopreneurs are uniquely positioned to create.

Backstory: My COVID vs. Career Crisis

Disclaimer: My family and I have been extremely lucky during COVID. No one has been sick and no one in my immediate family works in healthcare or has a job that requires going in-person work. So, I’m using the term “crisis” with a tremendous amount of privilege. Still, it decimated my industry and how I used to earn a living.

That all being said, when COVID hit, I lost four months of work in one week. It created a huge void in my life. My entire career was built on live: live training and facilitation using IMPROV. I curled up into a ball and started questioning everything I had done in my life. What did it mean? What was at the center of it. About 6 months and 100,000 words (written only to myself) later, and I had the conceptual model for the PLAY Polarities. It was exhilarating. I had an idea of value that I could share with the world. Something of mine that I could sell myself. Only one problem. I didn’t devise the product. Okay, cool. Here’s a model. Everybody has a model. No one pays for an idea. They pay for an application of an idea.

So, simultaneously as I began telling people at PLAYdates (then TDCocoa) about the idea, I began thinking about ways to productize the insights I had assembled. What’s the coaching package? What’s the training program? Etc. 

I think about monetization a lot. Between my cozy white male Gen X upbringing and my life in improv, I didn’t get a lot of good ideas about how to make money happen. As a kid I was told by parents and guidance counselors: “just get a general liberal arts degree and you can do anything.” I even once suggested to my stepdad that I might get a degree in public speaking (which turns out would have been hugely valuable as I spent a lot of time as a presentation skills coach). His reaction?

“Why would you get a degree in how to say something instead of getting a degree in what to say.”

Somehow he thought that was a bad idea but didn’t bat an eye as I selected my major in philosophy. PHILOSOPHY.

From there I went into improv where the general approach to everything is, “let’s just help each other out and everything will be fine.” That’s why the only financially successful improvisers are the ones you recognize on TV or the ones with good day jobs. “It’s a mug’s game.”

Don’t get me wrong: improvisation can help you immeasurably as an entrepreneur. I just didn’t know it and never applied it that way. So, consider it a “mod.” Improv doesn’t necessarily help “out of the box.”

So, I did what I always do and why I’ve devoted myself to facilitating transformational self-improvement -- I started reading books about it. How does one become an “entrepreneur?” How does one “monetize” their intellectual property into a service? How does one “productize” their services into clearly defined products?

That brings me to a nice hot shower.

SHOWER: Surprising Yourself with the Big Idea

I’ve been racking my brain about lightweight products to monetize the PLAY Polarities. I turns out that it’s not enough to say, “I do coaching, training, and consulting.” People don’t just start throwing money at you. You have to clearly identify problems and try solving them.

So you discovered a model that seems to organize individual, team, and organizational improvement priorities. Big deal! Who needs that? Do they know they need that? What are they going to do with that knowledge? How can it make or save them money? I.e. WHY SHOULD THEY PAY YOU?

I’ve been beating my head against the wall about this for weeks. And, without exception, each monetization strategy I come up with occurs to me in the shower. It just pops into my head.

“Eureka! I should do this!”

Disclaimer: My spouse and I are watching the TV show, Eureka, right now. That may be a factor.

So the idea for this new class hit me. I would lead a live, virtual class, reduce the rate in exchange for participants letting me record it and turn it into assets for an asynchronous eLearning. 

Okay, but if I’m going to do that, before everyone gets too busy returning to the “real world,” I should do it QUICKLY.

“Like April?” says my Shower Daemon.

“Yes! April!” I reply. And then immediately face anxiety. How do I do that?

SHIP: Lessons from Volunteer Carpentry and Seth Godin

Something else I had to learn on my journey to unexpected entrepreneurship? Execution. Yes, my new company is as an assassin.... ON THE DANCE FLOOR! (Jumps up and down, shakes hips, trips, falls, farts.)

I had to learn what Charan and Bossidy talk about in their book, unsurprisingly called Execution. So you have great ideas? Great. What will you do about them? You plan to sell? How will you sell? How many dials? How many LinkedIn messages? When? 

Execution is the lifeblood of business. It’s almost too simple to recognize it’s profundity. Yes, duh, to do something, you must, you know, do something. When I tell you that that simple truism has sabotaged most of my professional life, believe me. 

As the Apostle Paul says, “The good that I would do, I do not. The evil that I would not do, I do.”  

Or, in the Revised Matt Elwell version, “The work that I wish I would do, I procrastinate about. The desk that doesn’t need to be reorganized for the 80th time, I reorganize again. This is, in fact, the perfect day for it.”

As I said in a PLAYdate this afternoon:

Most people get to the starting line and GO! I get to the starting line and keep trying to redraw the perfect starting line. Job one for me is cultivating the habit of running imperfectly.

So, against every instinct, I announced my class on today’s PLAYdate using a slide I created while the participants were in their breakouts. 

There are two places. The first was Habitat For Humanity. I was no carpenter, but my home church had a long history with HFH and I loved the few mission days I spent with them. I learned a lot about handling wood and framing out a house. I learned how to “talk to the nail,” making small adjustments to how you struck the nail to encourage it not bend as you encountered resistance. As someone who was pretty much written off in gym class as an irredeemable fat nerd, this was something physical that I felt competent about.

However, because I felt competent, I started wanting everything I did to be perfect. To garner the compliments and validation that meant so much to me as I started. But no. that positive reinforcement started waning, and people instead started looking at me with their heads cocked to one side. I was taking too long.

That’s when I learned a saying I’ve tried to remind myself of my whole life:

“You ain’t building a piano!”

(This was said to me in deep southern New Jersey, so it was more like, “Yuh-aint-buildin’-uh-pian-urr!” And then someone threw a piece of scrapple at me. True story.)

That simple sentence reminds me that I have made a habit, perhaps a compulsion, of fretting over details most people won’t notice. I’ve often excused this by telling myself that I’m an artist and therefore, I’m not just filling orders.

If you’re prone to excusing your own poor time management in favor of artistry, consider this. Are you making a statement about your art with what you are doing, or making a statement about your fear with what you’re not yet doing? Are you really saying something with the detail you’re burning hours on to get “just right” or are you allowing yourself to avoid something that really does present the greater artistic challenge. 

As Stephen Covey observed, “avoid being ‘right in the thick’ of thin things.”

That’s my Habitat for Humanity story. My other influence, which is a much shorter story, is Seth Godin. You can still get his ShipIt Journal for free on his blog. And if you have something worth doing, I would suggest using his guide to help you do it. In Godin’s characteristic manner, he helped me realize how much of my failure to execute was motivated by fear. 

If you’re terrified of failing at something, your brain will make sure you don’t, by making sure you never really try. Basically, you brain exists to keep you alive. We’ve evolved to not do things that can endanger our aliveness by experiencing and avoiding pain. So, if you’re afraid of failing, you are experiencing a kind of pain. Brains hate that noise. QED: you never quite get around to it.

So when I’m not channeling the kindly old South Jersey carpenter who said, “you ain’t building a piano,” I channel Seth Godin who calmly informs me through his immaculate demeanor and trademark spectacles, “just get it shipped.”

Telling people about my class today was me “throwing my cap over the wall” to make sure I did what I said. I’m already scared thinking about it. But now it’s a fear of not getting it shipped, not of not getting it perfect. That’s the fear I want.

SUCCEED: Coming Soon? 

In improv we have a “rule of threes.” It’s integral to comedy:

Offer something

Add something else which, by its very following of 1, begins to create a possible connection/story

Add a third thing which, by association with the other two things, clarifies the connection and resolves it or launches us on a trajectory

Depending on that third offering, you either have a joke or a scene, but either way, you have a good chance a comedy.

Either way, the third thing is where we start seeing “the product.” The thing thing is the embodiment of “oh, I get it....” For example:

If Player A nods to Player B and says, “Cat” and Player B nods back and says “Dog.” Then a lot can happen.

Player A can say, in a business like manner. “Are any other animals joining us at this business meeting?” Immediately, a lot becomes clear. These people are playing animals. They’re doing some kind of animal business. Hilarious.

Player A can say, “Oh, I love dogs! Isn’t the vet here, great?” The two make small talk while their pets are getting treatment. Eventually, they fall in love. (Player A and Player B. Not the pets. Or Do ThEy!?)

Or, Player C can enter and offer a warm, “Hey, Dog!” to Player B and sit down next to them. Then, they can turn and nod in the direction of Player A with a curt, even cold, “Cat.”. Player B can respond happily, so grateful to be acknowledged. Player A can respond to the frosty greeting in a way that makes Player C visibly shiver: “Helloooooo, Mouse.”

No matter which of those scenes interests you, they would all interest someone. In an audience of 150, at least a few would walk out the door of the theater that night and say, “that one was my favorite. That group was so good. Let’s come back here soon!” 

Three beats makes a product. Three beats is something people will buy, buy again, and tell their friends to buy. Three beats is success.

As I embark on this journey of Shower-Ship-Succeed, I think about what I need to get to my third beat. And what occurs to me is a clear picture of what success looks like and a practical understanding of what I need to do in myself, in my actions, in my systems, and in my relationships to make that success happen. 

Some people might argue (and they might be right) that you shouldn’t get to ship without having a clear picture of success. And maybe they’re right. But don’t let that stop you from starting the creation or “shipping” process. In fact, I’m finding that all three of these states are iterative. You don’t so much go linearly from one to the other.

You have your “shower moment.” Hopefully, you listen to it and start to work on it. You start getting ready to “ship.” I call that whole process “shipping,” not just the putting-it-on-the-shelf-with-a-price-tag part. As you do that, I believe you get a vision for what this will be and who will like it and then you can start asking why they would pay for it, and that can start you on this cycle. 

That might be a question that sends you back to the shower for more.

What about YOUR Shower, Ship, Succeed story?

I started this post with a question and then all this stuff just flowed out. (Hooray, my gift of making first drafts five times longer than they have to be!)

Here’s what I want to know: Have you ever, as a solopreneur, or just a creator of anything, noticed a rapid procession from initial idea (Shower) to making something (Ship) to having a desired result (Succeed)? 

What was your fastest time?

What helped you get it done so fast?

What slowed it down?

What did you have to overcome -- in the project and in yourself -- to get it done?

Now that I’ve said all I could possibly say, I’d love to hear your stories!

[the-desolated-quill]

The Lodger - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Did you know that writer Gareth Roberts is an arsehole? Recently on his Twitter account, he posted these little brain farts:

Some people were offended by this (can’t imagine why), and when they told him how fucking homophobic and transphobic he was being, he jokingly dismissed them saying that ‘the rainbow people were coming to get him.’

This has nothing to do with today’s episode by the way. I’d just thought I’d mention it. And rest assured I’m not going to let this affect my views on The Lodger. Oh no. I hated this episode LOOOOONG before this shit came to light. All this has done is just given me added motivation to tear this piece of crap to shreds. Oh and Chris Chibnall, when you take over as showrunner, if you could be so kind as to not hire this bigoted fuckhead to write any more Doctor Who episodes, I’d be so grateful :)

The Doctor arrives on present day Earth only for Amy and the TARDIS to suddenly vanish. The Doctor traces the source of the disturbance to a flat, so he decides to become a lodger and stay with some guy named Craig, played by...

Oh God! Not you!

Here’s one reason why I can’t stand The Lodger. I don’t like James Corden. I’ve always found the man to be utterly obnoxious, and the idea that I have to empathise with him because he’s the so called ‘everyman’ really is beyond the pale.

About five minutes in, where we see Craig awkwardly interacting with Sophie, played by Daisy Haggard, I let out a groan as I realised what this episode was going to be. This is a romcom. And it’s the bad kind of romcom. The one that isn’t remotely funny, where you’re not in the slightest bit invested in what’s happening on screen and where you want the woman to go with somebody, ANYBODY, other than the male lead. It literally goes through every cliche in the book. The ‘quirky’ faffing around, practicing saying ‘I love you’ repeatedly, feeling threatened by another man trying to take his love interest away (even though the Doctor is so clearly not doing that. He’s merely trying to encourage her to pursue her dreams). It was hard not to doze off during this episode.

The most basic requirement of any romance is to get the audience to like the two characters and want to see them get together by the end. The Lodger fails on both counts. While Daisy Haggard does a decent job with the material she’s been given, Sophie is just utterly bland. Worse still, I don’t buy for a single second that she would be attracted to Craig (and I’m not just saying that because of the James Corden factor). Craig is such an unlikeable, childish little twat and for me is the very embodiment of male entitlement. First he gets all arsey because the Doctor is better at football than him (I mean for fuck’s sake, how old is he?), and then when Sophie tells him that she wants to travel overseas to work in a monkey sanctuary, he gets the hump yet again because her plans don’t coincide with what he wants. Fuck you Doctor! How dare you encourage a woman to be independent and pursue her ambitions, you selfish bastard! Honestly I’d much rather have seen Sophie get it together with the Doctor than Craig, the immature, controlling nobhead.

Unfortunately the Doctor isn’t much of a positive either. Remember a while back when I said that Matt Smith was one of my least favourite Doctors. If that’s the case, it’s strange that I haven’t said very negative things about yet, isn’t it? In fact I’ve been mostly positive about him so far, and that’s because up until now I felt he struck a good balance between goofy and serious. The Lodger, however, is where we see that balance start to shift. It feels as though Smith was encouraged to ramp up the goofiness until he resembles one of those stereotypical wacky characters you’d find in a bad US sitcom. I know the Doctor has always been an eccentric, but this just feels so incredibly forced. How does he not know how much money it costs to rent a room? It can’t be that difficult to count. Why is he finding it so difficult to understand human behaviour? He’s never had that problem before. He’s alien, but he’s not that alien. It feels like they’re making him do weird things just for the sake of making him do weird things. And I recognise this is mostly a personal taste issue. if you found all of this charming and funny, good for you. It’s just not my cup of tea.

But as the episode continues, it soon becomes clear why they’re over-egging the pudding in terms of Doctor goofiness. it’s in a desperate attempt to disguise the fact that nothing actually happens in this episode. The initial premise of people being lured to their deaths by an intercom is quite chilling, but then it just repeats itself over and over again with no sign of the plot actually progressing until the very end. It’s ironic that the villain turns out to be an autopilot because it feels like the entire episode is on autopilot. The Doctor does something weird, someone is killed, the Doctor does something weird, someone is killed, the Doctor does something weird, someone is killed and so on. It gets really monotonous after a while. What’s worse is that the Doctor’s reasoning for not just going into the upstairs flat is that he’s worried of what could be so powerful that they can interfere with the TARDIS (we never find out by the way) and wants to get more info before storming in. Sensible strategy, except the Doctor never does find any information. The only time he does find out what’s going on is when he barges into the upstairs flat to save Sophie, which begs the question why didn’t he just do that in the first place.

So someone is building a DIY TARDIS and the autopilot is systematically killing humans in order to find a pilot... but why does it need a pilot? It has an autopilot! Can’t it just fly the ship by itself? Considering that it’s ultimately defeated by the power of love, I’m assuming it needs a software update.

So that was The Lodger. The plot is practically non-existent, the romance is shit, the Doctor borders on annoying, and the writer is a colossal bastard. Don’t you just love BBC teatime entertainment?

[whatnotmemes]

--------------------PBG GOODWILL GAMES SENTENCE STARTERS change pronouns as needed.

“Why is she staring at me? Why won’t she stop staring at me?” “Fifty cents? I don’t know who you think I am, but I don’t have that kind of money to throw around.” “Bees! Why are there always bees?!” “If it gets too hard, you can always result to the click-everywhere-on-the-screen-until-you-find-something strategy.” “The thrill of giving is always greater than the thrill of receiving... Unless it’s diamonds. You should probably take those.” “He had his freaking brain sticking out!” “Well, I fixed it but now it looks like this.” “I guess my computer just isn’t powerful enough to run a game made in 1995.” “What was that? I think it was supposed to be a dis but it didn’t really make sense.” “Thanks for the info.” “Do you know what would make baseball more fun? If you turned the baseball into a GameBoy and then you play that instead.” “Oh goody, a poop spider is singing to me. Just what I always wanted.” “You better not let her find out or she’ll probably kill you.” “She may not be scared of him but I sure am.” “What do you mean the clock people said no on the brand deal?” “And I say hey! What a wonderful kind of day, where you can learn to work and play, and get along with each other!” “He wants to go the library; he wants to visit his grandma. He wants to see the Taj Mahal, Hyrule field, the final boss of Black Temple, and even the fiery pits of Hell.” “If you follow your dreams, kids, maybe one day even you can have a 101 puppy pet of your very own.” “With the money I saved on these games, I bought myself some awards.” “Are you ready to learn? I’ve never been more ready for anything. In my whole life.” “A journey with such vague, unclear beginnings is sure to be successful.” “They’re devil ants! Devil ants!” “Except for my house burning down and constantly almost dying, life sure is easy!” “Ten plus ten is nine and one and eight and two, if you carry the four divided by three.” “It’s a cliffhanger. It’s open to interpretation; what do you think happened? Did she fly off into space and save the day and save her house? Or did she just rip up in space time to- to, and, uh- and dead? Probably that one.” “Since when are you a hot dog?! Where did you get that costume from?!” “Watch it, ya stupid fart! Get out of the road! Sheesh.” “I don’t think this girl has to worry too much about what she’s going to do with her life because she’s clearly magic. “You try some things, you pick a thing, you buy a thing, and then you do the thing again.” “I was imagining how much cooler this would be if I was snapping pictures of a UFO or something, and then a freaking alien popped out from behind a tree.” “Get outta my way. Get outta my way. Get outta my way. Get outta my way.” “That was pretty cool, I guess. Except for the parts that weren’t.” “Charlie Church Mouse Preschool? No. Sorry, but no.” “I’ve watched, I think, literally every episode of this show at least five times growing up and I still can’t remember this girl’s name.” “Just kinda creeping over here, in a park, for kids.”

[surveysonfleek]

153.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? is this question worded correctly or am i having a brain fart?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? maybe 6. i’d only be afraid of the dark if i’m lost.

3. The person you would never want to meet? the person who will end up hurting me the most.

4. What is your favorite word? fiasco.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? a cherry blossom tree.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? why is my skin getting worse?

7. What shirt are you wearing? nothing. a fluffy sweater.

8. What do you label yourself as? nothing? i don’t fall into any categories.

9. Bright room or dark room? dark bedroom, bright everywhere else in the house.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? working.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? probably 19 tbh lol. or 21.

12. Who told you they loved you last? my boyfriend.

13. Your worst enemy? myself.

14. What is your current desktop picture? new york by night.

15. Do you like someone? more than like.

16. The last song you listened to? some lil yachty song.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? probably wouldn’t do it.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? no one. they’d probably have to punch me first to make me mad.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? my boyfriend, but i wouldn’t make him do anything crazy. just drive me around, make me food, massage me etc lol.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) idk how to really compliment myself. i guess my skin has looked pretty smooth throughout the years coz i have a deep fondness for lotions lol.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i’d look like that instagram model, maravilla hahaha.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? i guess i’m good at all board games? a mix of luck and strategy.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? not really afraid of anything ‘unique’.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. fresh, warm pastrami from katz deli.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? food, makeup or clothes.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? the bahamas or san francisco. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ugh i couldn’t care less. if i had to i’d choose alize or frangelico. or the most expensive bottle of anything and sell it lol.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no judgemental people.

29. What is your favorite expletive? fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my laptop.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? nothing.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! cool?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my grandmother.

34. What was your last dream about? ugh i was thinking about it when i woke up but now i forgot.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here>human<] ? yes.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? as a kid coz i got bitten by a dog but i have no recollection of it.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no i haven’t :(

38. What is the color of your socks? not wearing anything.

39. What type of music do you like? mostly rnb.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets. but sunrises are just as beautiful, i’m just never awake for them.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? strawberry.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) not a fan of either.

43. Do you have any scars? yeah, two small ones.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? already graduated. the field i graduated in is incredibly hard to crack in the real world so i’m either completely changing my career path or goign back to study something else. 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i’d be more beautiful or something.

46. Are you reliable? i am. 

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? what should i be doing right now?

48. Do you hold grudges? yes, i do.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? a panda dog lol.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? i’ve had plenty throughout my days.

51. Are you a good liar? i am but i don’t make up any big lies.

52. How long could you go without talking? if i’m alone...a long time.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? when i cut my own bangs way too short.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? yes.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? i can try but i’m not good.

56. What do you like on your toast? avocado or nutella and banana.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? i was playing pictionary on the weekend so i forgot. i drew heaps of shit.

58. What would be you dream car? a tesla.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i don’t sing. i shower pretty quickly so i don’t do anything too unusual.

60. Do you believe in aliens? i believe there’s life out there but i’ll believe it properly when i see it.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? nope.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? d.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs. 

64. What do you think about babies? they’re cute.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. “What are you doing at this very moment?” this and watching the jungle book.

[junker-town]

The 9 dumbest mistakes from Sunday in the NFL, ranked

Jameis Winston was benched for being his most Jameis Winston, Hue Jackson doesn’t know how to use timeouts, and the Steelers don’t know the rules of football.

NFL players don’t always get credit for making smart decisions on the football field. But we should applaud Todd Gurley when he gives up the chance at an easy touchdown because he knows the Rams can just kneel out the clock. Or Seahawks punter Michael Dickson — don’t call him “Big Balls Dickson” — when he decides to audible and run for a first down because he saw a gap.

Or sometimes they do the opposite, like how Stefon Diggs stopped running a route, leading to Kirk Cousins throwing a gimme pick-six that put the game out of reach.

We’re not here to pick on Diggs, though. That was a simple miscommunication that he took the blame for immediately after the Vikings’ loss to the Saints.

But we would like to highlight a few of the lowlights, those “what are you doooooiiiiing” brain farts that we saw around the NFL in Week 8. Here are the nine dumbest, courtesy of some NFL refs, coaches (Hue Jackson, obviously), and most of all, Jameis Winston.

9. Buffalo called timeout in a game between the Ravens and Panthers

Pete Morelli’s been officiating NFL games for over two decades now. At this point in his career, you’ve got to figure games just kind of blur together — especially by the time Week 8 rolls around.

So it’s not that surprising that he forgot which teams were playing during his Sunday assignment between the Baltimore Ravens and Carolina Panthers, neither of which are in Buffalo:

Pete Morelli says “Timeout, Buffalo.” In the Baltimore-Carolina game... https://t.co/ejWcBBPN4w

— Joe Wright (@Sctvman) October 28, 2018

Buffalo. Baltimore. They both start with “B.” I get it.

But it’s been over a year since Morelli officiated a Bills game. Next time, he should probably double-check which cities are playing before he says something like “San Diego Chargers” or “St. Louis Rams.”

8. Tampa Bay made things so easy for Joe Mixon

The Buccaneers really aren’t good at anything defensively, but they’ve been especially terrible at stopping the pass. So that’s probably why they spent most of the day against the Bengals dropping extra players into coverage.

That didn’t work, though. Andy Dalton still finished with 280 passing yards, two touchdowns, and no interceptions. But the big beneficiary of the Buccaneers’ commitment to slowing Dalton was running back Joe Mixon.

Sometimes running backs face eight- or nine-man boxes, but most of the time it’s just seven. Against the Buccaneers, Mixon ate up six-man boxes that were ill-equipped to slow him down.

Joe Mixon faced 6 or fewer defenders in the box on 19 of 21 carries (90.5%) against the Buccaneers. 6 or Fewer Defenders: 19 carries, 116 yards, 2 TD (6.1 YPC) 7+ Defenders: 2 carries, 7 yards (3.5 YPC)#TBvsCIN #SeizeTheDEY pic.twitter.com/5BDy4KTS6W

— Next Gen Stats (@NextGenStats) October 28, 2018

It’s a pick-your-poison situation for a Buccaneers defense that’s probably going to get picked apart, no matter what. But consistently putting six or fewer defenders in the box is a strategy that’s never going to work.

7. The Ravens wiped out of a gutsy fake punt due to an illegal shift

Everybody thinks they’re Sean McVay these days, so there’s not a lot of shock value when a team tries a fake punt at its own 10-yard line. It’s a little more unexpected that it would happen while that team was leading by 7 and in the first quarter, but hey, we’re all about coaches being more aggressive.

The Ravens did it early against the Panthers — and it worked. Fairly easily, too. Anthony Levine Sr. gained 7 yards on fourth-and-1 and it looked like the Ravens were cooking.

And then it was nullified because of an illegal shift:

Ravens hit with an illegal shift on the fake punt from their own 10-yard line. What a loss, there.

— Baltimore Beatdown (@BMoreBeatdown) October 28, 2018

The Ravens punted after that, and the Panthers, who were perhaps a bit peeved, tied it on the next drive. Baltimore never sniffed a lead again, thanks to even more boneheaded plays — like this facepalm Joe Flacco interception — that followed.

But this was the moment when the dumbassery started.

6. Hue Jackson didn’t use a timeout for the latest in the NFL officials’ anti-Browns campaign

Cleveland’s record with the referees this fall has been ... well, let’s say less than charitable. A Week 1 roughing call helped give Pittsburgh the extra points it’d need to turn a loss into a tie. Two bad calls likely cost the Browns a win against Oakland. Two weeks ago, a missed false start call gave the Chargers the easiest touchdown they’ll score all season and contributed to a line judge getting fired.

And on Sunday, officials gave the Steelers two extra yards after third down for what appears to be no explainable reason:

Hey @NFLOfficiating HOW DID THEY JUST GIVE THE STEELERS 2 YARDS? pic.twitter.com/MZtzJGm42J

— AngryJasonSnider (@jsnider33) October 28, 2018

Those extra yards turned fourth-and-2 into fourth-and-inches. The Steelers went for it instead of kicking a field goal and got the first down. One play later, a touchdown pass to Antonio Brown made it 14-6 Pittsburgh in the final seconds of the second quarter.

Browns head coach Hue Jackson couldn’t challenge the spot since there were less than two minutes left in the half, but he could have spent a timeout — he had three left — to give replay officials an extra opportunity to examine the bogus spot. He decided not to, and can’t really remember why:

Hue asked why he didn’t use timeouts late in the second quarter: Honestly I don’t even recall that.

— Zac Jackson (@AkronJackson) October 28, 2018

...

5. Eli Manning’s interception in the red zone was terribad

Manning has struggled tremendously this season. After giving the Giants nothing in the red zone last week against the Atlanta Falcons, Eli Manning followed it up with a horrible interception in the red zone against Washington.

Manning stared down Odell Beckham Jr. on the play, but even though the pass was telegraphed, Beckham would’ve had a chance to make a play on the ball if it had been remotely accurate.

After starting the game 9-for-9, #Giants QB Eli Manning telegraphs this pass to Odell Beckham Jr., allowing #Redskins S D.J. Swearinger to break on the ball and get the interception. This is one reason why New York ranks 30th in red-zone efficiency pic.twitter.com/EtN3K5xSCz

— Kevin Boilard (@247KevinBoilard) October 28, 2018

To make matters worse, Evan Engram was running wide open toward the back of the end zone on a corner route.

Eli Manning red zone interception was just downright awful. Had Evan Engram for a touchdown, instead forces the ball in coverage to Odell. Pick. #WASvsNYG #Giants #NextGenStats pic.twitter.com/jF345VfAWW

— James Koh (@JamesDKoh) October 28, 2018

The Eli Manning era has produced some great moments for Giants fans, but it looks like the book is about closed on that one.

4. Green Bay fumbled away Aaron Rodgers’ chance to give us greatness

Rams head coach Sean McVay all but dared Aaron Rodgers to beat him when he ran twice facing second-and-20 deep in Packer territory effectively settling for a 34-yard field goal that gave Los Angeles a 29-27 lead with 2:04 to play. That was set to give the two-time MVP enough latitude for what could have been his third game-winning drive in seven Green Bay games.

Instead, Ty Montgomery, who had averaged 23 yards per kick return on the afternoon to that point, decided to run back a kick that landed two yards deep into his end zone. This was not the plan, as head coach Mike McCarthy would later opine. Montgomery got all the way to the 19-yard line before fumbling. The Rams recovered, and any chance of a meaningful Rodgers two-minute drill was squashed.

That didn’t just prevent the Packers from a shot at their biggest win of the season — it also kept the Los Angeles defense from facing its biggest challenge of the season. McVay put his faith entirely on a unit that had frustrated Rodgers in stretches and gave up big plays to the veteran quarterback in others. A big stop in the final two minutes would prove that defense was truly of championship caliber.

Instead, it was the Rams’ special teams that stood up, turning Montgomery’s bad decision into a game-ender. And preventing us from see what could have been another epic Rodgers comeback.

3. Hey Steelers, a free kick is not the same as a punt

A free kick after a safety isn’t a play that teams get to practice often, but the returners on the field should still probably make sure they know the rules. When the Steelers’ Ryan Switzer got confused and let the ball drop, it left the Browns with the easiest recovery ever on what essentially became an onside punt.

Steelers inexplicably fail to field a free kick and let the Browns have it. Browns could have run it in for a TD pic.twitter.com/yMyT6PqMeR

— Vikings Blogger (@firstandskol) October 28, 2018

The Browns were not able to advance the ball, so diving on it was the right call. But the Steelers’ blunder set up Cleveland with a short field and the Browns took advantage with a quick, four-play touchdown drive.

2. The 49ers’ final play vs. the Cardinals was ... something

The Arizona Cardinals MIGHT be the worst team in football ... and the San Francisco 49ers have lost to them twice. In a battle for suckage supremacy, the 49ers and Cardinals tried their best to lose Sunday’s game, but it was the 49ers who were ultimately successful. In losing.

And they did it in spectacular fashion.

After allowing a Cardinals go-ahead touchdown with 34 seconds left, the 49ers had a big 19-yard completion that put them near mid-field. They were trying to get into Robbie Gould’s field goal range, and had a timeout to spare to get in range for the tie.

They did not need the timeout.

A fitting final play for a #49ers team that can't stop finding ways to lose. Final score: 18-15 #AZCardinals. #SFvsAZ pic.twitter.com/I99UuzZC6t

— Rob Lowder (@Rob_Lowder) October 28, 2018

Because that happened. And if you missed Sunday’s game, I assure you most of it looked like that play. It was an ugly, sloppy affair that looked like it might end 15-3 until the fourth quarter.

1. Jameis Winston deserved his benching so hard

It’s only fitting the Sunday before Halloween would bestow a little extra magic on the NFL. FitzMagic, to be specific.

The veteran quarterback got back into the Buccaneers’ lineup Sunday and nearly led the Buccaneers back from oblivion with a stirring fourth-quarter comeback. His heroics were the result of some truly awful play from starting QB Jameis Winston.

I feel like every now and then Jameis Winston just forgets how to play football pic.twitter.com/dnoSHOHvfh

— Ari Gilberg (@arigilberg) October 28, 2018

Winston threw four interceptions before being benched in favor of the journeyman backup. His second was the absolute beauty you see above.

His final attempt of the afternoon turned into a 21-yard pick-six for rookie safety Jessie Bates. That pushed Fitzpatrick into the game, and he led his club back from a 34-16 fourth quarter deficit to tie the game with just over a minute remaining. The Bengals would go on to win with a walk-off field goal, but the difference between the former Heisman winner and the veteran Harvard graduate was stark.

Winston has only played 13 quarters of the 2018 season. That hasn’t stopped him from tying for the league lead with 10 interceptions. If he played every game of the season, without suspensions or benchings, that would put him on pace for a 49-pick campaign. Amazing.