#when I said I have brainrot about these fuckers I was serious

[mermaidlighthouse]

[devilanon]

A request for a nsfw alphabet for ghost (or any/rest of them up too you) 👀 that size kink drabble lives in my head rent free btw you write him so damn well 😣🥲

hi hi :-) thanks! ghost for now, and gaz as well because i have garrick brainrot [nsfw below cut]

GHOST.

Aftercare = (what they’re like after sex) If he's post-subbing, he's the most needy fucker alive. All over you, despite how sweaty he is, plastering himself to your chest for a bit of cuddling as the little spoon. Dom Ghost will provide aftercare if you're actually in a relationship, but if it's just a quick fuck he's gone after a bare minimum check-in with you to make sure nothing's broken. But if he does have feelings for you, he's drowning you in praise, kissing lightly over the bites and bruises left in his wake, helping you sit up against his sturdy chest, bringing a bottle of water to your lips. B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Simon Riley has a huge fat fucking uncut dick, and that's just the truth. He likes seeing you struggle to take all of it, splitting you open on his cock. He's also an ass man. Loves to watch your cheeks bounce when he fucks you from behind, ripple when he spanks you, loves burying his face in your ass to eat you out.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Do not let this man fuck you raw he is fertile.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He's an exhibitionist, and he definitely wants everyone else on base to know who's fucking you and just how well he's doing it. He'll start groping you in risky high-traffic areas hoping someone sees. Swears up and down he had no idea anyone was coming down the hall.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Ghost fucks. There's no way Ghost doesn't fuck. This man has been whored out in like 80% of the countries he's been stationed in. He's great at mindless, meaningless, rough sex, but it's difficult for him to be slower, gentler, to stay present when he's actually making love and not just fucking. He tries, though, bless him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Doggy. Like I said. Ass man. He will bend you over just about any surface if you let him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He's pretty serious aside from the occasional snide remark. When he sets himself to a task he wants to carry it out as well as he can. This extends to fucking you silly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) He has a shortly cropped blond happy trail. I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) He's... not great at intimacy, but he makes an effort, if he's having sex with someone he harbors an emotional connection with. His dirty talk is softer, he's a bit gentler, less rough around the edges.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) He has a pretty high sex drive and usually masturbates just to sate it, rather than to sit down and enjoy himself. He rarely uses pornographic material, just fucks quickly into his hand replaying some memory.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Exhibitionism, as mentioned. Pet play, d/s, anything with power and control dynamics essentially. He likes to be on both ends of the spectrum. Humiliation, degradation, etc. Again, giving and receiving. Body worship (on him, but he'll do it for you as well). Size kink. L = Location  Anywhere he can get away with it, really.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) He enjoys the concept of both dominance and exerting his will over you, and the release that comes from submitting to another person and allowing them to take the reigns. He really just teters back and forth between the two depending on his his self esteem is doing that day.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Simon Riley will not fuck you if you're even a bit tipsy or inebriated. Hard no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) This man loves to eat ass. He also loves to shove his dick as far down your throat as he can and hold you there until you're bucking against him for air.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Rough, though not necessarily fast. If he's feeling particularly worked up or mean sex can definitely turn into an endurance test he knows you'll lose. Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Simon wants to fuck you as often as he can, whenever he can, wherever he can. On a roadtrip? His hand is down your pants while he drives. Doing laundry? Lifting you up onto the dryer. In the hallway? Broom closet looks very inviting, wouldn't you say?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) He's open to a fair amount of things, if not out of interest, just to try them and know whether or not it does anything for him. S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) He's a military man. He's extremely physically fit. If you let him, he'll fuck you until he physically can't anymore. Regardless of how quickly he might cum. He'll just use his fingers or his mouth until he's hard again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) He'll never admit it, but he does get jealous of inanimate objects for making you cum. Why not him? He can do it ten times better and faster. Watch.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Don't edge him, it won't work. He's bigger, stronger, and has more stamina than you, and he's stubborn as hell. You, though? If you let him, he'll make you beg for it. He'll edge you until you cry. He's also prone to trying to fluster you whenever he can, especially in front of other people, grabbing your hips to move you aside, brushing against your ass when he passes you in a tight space, things like that.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) He's fairly quiet, especially if he's subbing. He'll groan, but it will be rare. He does enjoy a fair bit of dirty talk though. W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Wants to fuck his cum into you and then force you to walk around base leaking into your underwear. :-)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Here to preach Chunky Simon RIley gospel. He has abs but they're under a layer of fat on his tummy. You can't see them unless he flexes. He has fat fucking tits. Big enough to grope. Has a pudgy little pubic mound. His arms and thighs are fucking huge. Big fat breeder balls. Has a light dusting of hair on his chest, and is fuzzy from the waist down.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) High, man.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) You will never catch Ghost sleeping after fucking you. He barely sleeps as it is. He'll just sit with you until you're asleep or ready to do something else.

GAZ.

Aftercare = (what they’re like after sex) He needs it. He's a sensitive boy, honestly, and if you just up and leave after having sex it's definitely going to hurt his feelings. He wants to pepper kisses all over you and snuggle. And maybe grind on you a little bit while doing so.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Gaz has nice, dexterous hands that can and will pull amazing sounds out of you when he's playing with you. This man fingers like no one's business. He's fairly attentive and will catch any noises or expressions you make while he's learning what you like, so he can do it more efficiently next time. He likes to watch your face when he fucks you, or when you fuck him. Your expressions do a lot for him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) He wants to come on your face. He'll beg for it, even. He wants to mark you anywhere, coming on your ass, your tits, your tummy, but your face is his go-to spot.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He's thought about stealing your underwear from the laundry room on base, when you leave it out. He wouldn't. Especially if you're not dating. It's just a thought. But he… looks. For a while. Especially if it's some lacy thing. Thinks about holding it in his hand while he's fucking his fist. Then goes about his day, chiding himself a bit.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Mildly? I feel like Gaz maybe got around when he was younger but has kind of slowed down, and he's even a bit ashamed of his fuckboy phase. He's seeking more of an emotional connection now instead of flings.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Facefucking is high up there. He also likes missionary so he can watch your expression change into something fuzzy and fucked-out.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) He's definitely always smiling when he fucks you, right up until he's about to come. Whether or not it's a smirk or a goofy grin depends on what you're doing and the mood. He'll also tease and rib you lightly, especially if you're babbling nonsense after he's pushed you particularly hard and made you come several times.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I headcanon Gaz as being fairly smooth? I honestly don't know why.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Gaz is sweet. He's one to break out pet names, compliments, occasionally praise; I don't think he has a lot of casual sex, so making love is more of a common occurrence than just fucking.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Gaz definitely has a folder on his phone of dirty pictures of his S/O that he pulls up when he's getting off. He prefers sex, but will look at images of you if you're not accessible at the moment. He'll send you images of him fucking his hand, sound clips if he's feeling particularly devious. If you let him take videos of you giving head or fucking him for use while he's away, he'll be very, very grateful.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Marking (with cum, but he'll leave hickies as well). Overstim. He likes to fuck you until you're unintelligible, then keep going beyond that, if you'll let him. Grinding / outercourse / thigh fucking. Service domming.

L = Location  He's not too adventurous, anywhere private.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Gaz just wants to make you feel good, honestly. You getting off gets him off.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Getting super rough, mean, or degrading doesn't do anything for him. Not only is he disinterested in it, it's counterproductive to what actually gives him pleasure, even if you ask for it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Gaz loves eat out for dinner :-) He'll keep going until you're squirming away from him and begging him to give you a break. Tonguefucking is a favorite. He likes fucking your face, making it sloppy and watching the drool run down your chin onto your chest. Bonus points if you wear makeup and he gets to ruin it. Bonus bonus points if you have to walk somewhere with that ruined makeup.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) It depends on his mood; he's normally pretty slow in the interest of being thorough and making you come as hard as you can, as many times as he can make you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) He's indifferent to it. It doesn't give him as much time as he'd like to unravel you, but if you propose it he's certainly not going to turn you down.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Gaz is fairly open to trying new things, but if it skeeves him out even a little bit he's unwilling to try it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) Multiple rounds are a given fucking this man. He wants you fucked stupid. He wants you braindead and drooling. He wants you unintelligible on his dick. He will buy a cock ring for the sole purpose of fucking you longer so he can watch your eyes roll back and jaw go slack as you come for the umpteenth time.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Gaz is fairly open to using toys; again, big fan of service domming, so he enjoys doing whatever he can to make you feel good. He would also enjoy leaving something inside of you while you run errands or do chores, just as a way to mark you, claim you without actually touching you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) He's not a super big fan of it; why edge you when he can make you come, and then make you come again? He doesn't hold out well if you tease him, either. The moment you flirt with him, brush up against him or make a suggestive statement, he's ready to go.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Gaz is very vocal, and he's not shy about it either. He's a whiner, making high pitched breathy sounds, and he's also prone to babbling in your ear when he's close to coming; "Hot, wet, tight, so good for me baby."

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Crier. Not in an emotional sense, but if he comes particularly hard he's thanking you and tears are rolling down his face.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) This man is cut. He has the "otter" build, slim, lean and strong. Veiny arms. Definitely has abs. Cum gutters. His dick is long and curved upward. Average thickness. His balls hang. Good for slapping against your clit when he fucks you from behind.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Gaz wants to fuck, man. Not so much that it's a constant thought of his, but he's easily swayed into being in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Sex doesn't knock him out, but he'll fall asleep cuddling you afterwards. (He talks in his sleep.)

[struggling-with-drivers]

Turns out I have more brainrot thoughts

In which Lando tries to get over Carlos by getting Oscar, and Oscar is having none of it.

London 2020, boy and boy broke up, it's two a penny, and Lando is so over Carlos.

It's been nearly 3 years and Lando is doing perfectly fine, it's not like they were ever really dating. It was just sex and empty promises, and Carlos's sexy accent and his hair. And Lando needs to get a serious grip on reality because he is so over it.

Lando are even friends with Carlos, enough that Carlos introduced him to his new girl. She's pretty, feminine and able to kiss Carlos whenever she wants, wherever she wants. No hiding away in hotel rooms or Carlos telling Lando to get out before the dawn breaks.

In fact, Lando is so over Carlos he even chatted to the girl, although he never bothered to remember anything she told him. He doesn't even know her name, and when Carlos asked what Lando thought of her.

He had said "She seems nice" and that was it.

Lando was a bad partner, Carlos told him so, the least he can do is be a good friend. So he smiles and laughs, and says all the right things when Carlos and his new girl is around.

A growing resentment sprouting in his lungs as he has to watch the scene in front of him.

"You good mate?" Oscar asks.

"Huh yeah- wait when did you get here?" Lando spins his head to look at Oscar, a light blush dusted on his cheeks under the green lights of the club.

"Been here all night, you asked me to come with you, remember?"

"Yeah, guess I did." Lando gives a clumsy smile at Oscar's worried face. His teammate does have some pretty eyes, and the accent is nicer than Daniel's. That brief rebound situationship did nothing good for either of them.

"Wanna get out of her?" Lando settles on instead, totally normal to ask, yeah, Oscar is a good solution.

"Sure?" He sounds confused at the sudden change of Lando's attitude, yet indulges the Brit as he drags him outside the club and into a taxa.

Lando can feel Oscar's eyes on him, as he spouts out the coordinates for their hotel.

"Wanna come in?"

Oscar follows him no questions asked, maybe in hindsight Lando should have asked some himself. But he didn't, and now he has Oscar cornered up against the door, his mouth on the younger man's neck.

A light push to his shoulders makes him stop, looking up at Oscar, uncomfortableness is written all over his face, and fuck, Lando fucked it all up.

"Listen- you're drunk." Oscar tells him, like Lando doesn't already know that. "Lando you're drunk." The aussie repeats like that explains anything.

Oscar clears his throat to settle the silence that Lando's big questioning eyes comes with. "I know what happened with Carlos and Dani- I'm not- Lando you're drunk."

Oscar pushes him lightly towards the bed instead, and Lando has to watch as Oscar scrambles out of his room.

Fuck, Oscar thinks he's some serial teammate fucker now. Well he is, but Oscar doesn't, shouldn't, know that. Oscar should look at him with those brown eyes filled with wonder, and make him forget about Carlos and fuck- Lando is so not over Carlos.

-

When Lando finally gets over Carlos. He doesn't understand why Oscar doesn't want him when literally everyone is saying Oscar wants him.

Because Oscar feels used everytime Lando is giving him attention, just using him to get over Carlos (like he already tried to) and Oscar doesn't want to be hurt. Lando is worth a lot, but Oscar has enough dignity to not hand over his heart only for it to be stomped on.

Carlos is a dick, and Lando can finally recognise that, like Carlos has moment of small good sides, but overall he's a dick and was very much using Lando when they were together, stringing him along and then dumping him when Lando wasn't useful anymore. And now Lando has no idea what a healthy relationship is, so he's trying to reflect what happened between him and Carlos back at Oscar.

Except Oscar isn't a lovestruck fool in the same way Lando was. Well he's still lovestruck and a fool. He has just been one for long enough that he knows he deserves more than scraps and whatever Lando is trying to pull.

[urstruly-ghst]

pre-nrc deuce spade + goody-two-shoes! reader

note : as a blowout for the last day of the year, reintroducing deuce spade pre-nrc and his s/o. i need to share my brainrot over this man (i watched grease so my mind went brrr) also might make some vil hcs, i have smth so good in mind swear cw : swear words, mentions of fighting, and delinquent deuce

deuce spade 

Delinquent, fight maker, arrogant bitch– those were the words permanently plastered above his head; none can understand the appeal you see in him. Deuce is always rough in everything he handles; his magic is always powerful and often overwhelming. The way he holds anything ways seems to be broken with his hands, and, of course, his sharp tongue that brought many people to cry. Hell, his stomach can handle heaps of alcohol and packs of snacks. How can one not cower?

You were different from him; you held a good reputation in your town and school and had this composed life. You’re a good student, too good and too sweet. You were like cotton candy personified. News of you even dating the near-dropout, delinquent, and asshole Deuce Spade was compared to blasphemy. 

But that’s only what they see, the superficial shit-faced Deuce, not the sweetest guy you’ve known. While Deuce is an arrogant delinquent, he is tamer than before. You knew what went behind those doors of his somewhat messy home. Deuce was not the best lover and was an even shittier man, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Admittedly, you both started on the wrong foot, having different impressions of each other. But as time passed, you just fell deeper and felt like the cliche character falling for the bad boy of the town. 

Who are you to deny his advances when you notice his reluctant following of your strict orders and demands to stop his street fighting? Or when he went and aced an exam because you said you’d say “yes” to one date? Deuce tried and still would keep trying to be the best version for both his home and you (the new addition to it– you just don’t it yet).

…

If there’s one sight you hate, Deuce and his foul mouth getting bruised from fights he may or may not have started, it wasn’t pleasant, nor was it the thing you want to greet your significant other. Even if he tries to reason with you, you frown, and he shuts up, knowing saying more dampens your mood.

“Deuce.” Your voice, filled with a warning tone and a frown to accompany it as you enter the clinic, makes Deuce shrink in your gaze. He never liked that look. He hated letting you down. Yet, his fists ached to punch that fucker in the face, so a fight had to be done.

You knew that look. While Deuce cowers and shrinks at your stern gaze, he never fails to show his emotions by grumbling and flexing his fists. Sighing, you crouched down and held his cheek, bruised as usual. Slowly looking at you, you saw his eyes glitter with adoration and pride. That damned pride over his fight landed him in the clinic for the third time this month.

“That must hurt. Deuce, are you okay?”

“‘Course. Tough as nails, babe. Not that serious, ya know? Fucker was messing around with your locker, had to give a lesson.” Deuce said with a smirk as if reveling in the violence he did for your sake.

 Oh, by the Great Seven, if he keeps that smirk up, you might allow that violence to seep in.

“Well, I appreciate that, Deuce. But, if you fight someone again, the guidance counselor can–”

“Awe, I know that. I’ll get another boring three-week seminar about how violence is this; violence is that. Ever such a goody two shoes, babe.” You flared up and smacked him in the face. Not a slap that would hurt him more, but to make him know you don’t like his teasing in a situation like this. Deuce just laughed. He leaned in and kissed you gently.

Why are his lips soft when he is a ragged person who got out of a fight?!

Pulling away from the kiss, Deuce laughed at how you still chased his lips afterward. You’re cute and loving; when did he get that lucky?

“Say, since I kind of broke my promise not to hurt anyone, what if I treat you some treats and a ride on my bike? C’mon, know you like it.” You question where your dignity has gone. You usually hold pretenses and be the level-headed one in this relationship, but a simple invite of danger pulls you in, and you’re now atop his bike.

You may have liked him a bit too much. Good thing he wanted you too– much more than you think.

[angy-mouse]

hey so um this is my first time ever requesting something and i dunno if i did this right but im having strong dream brainrot atm

anyhow, may i request some dream smut where dream has to wear a shock collar as a dare/bet that he lost and reader (she/her pronouns if possible) gets to shock him whenever she wants? and that eventually turns into dream getting angry and then some angry sex?

if this goes past any of your boundaries then you don't have to do it! i completely understand :) also can i be 🪐anon?

Ngl I was gonna wait to post this until summer but I feel bad for deserting y’all. Welcome, Saturn!

You were positively giddy. Your boyfriend had been so cocky about how he was going to win your little bet and get you to be his personal french maid for the day, it felt amazing to prove him wrong. The rules were simple and (you thought) fair. 

Rule #1: the shock collar had to stay on his arm until 8. You didn’t want to go to bed with him salty, so you figured that would give you plenty of time to make it up to him.

Rule #2: no touching you with the collar on. So he couldn’t just grab you to make you stop shocking him, lest you shock yourself.

Rule #3: no shocking him while he was going to the bathroom, cooking, or holding Patches. That one was just common sense.

“FUCK!”

You squeezed your thighs together as he cussed and hit his desk, but still giggled. “What’s wrong, Mister 10,000 IQ can’t land a MLG anymore?”

He growled but didn’t look away from his monitor, making a new world. You gave him a light shock every now and then and you’d be lying if you said the noises he made didn’t affect you. His little gasps, his muffled whines and growls- what really got you though was when he’d yell and swear. When he’d lash out and hit his desk and make the whole thing shake like it was going to shatter. You didn’t know if it was the power going to your head or if you just liked seeing Mr. Cool-Calm-Collected lose his temper, but you couldn’t deny the effect it was having on you.

With one hand keeping a firm hold of the remote control, your other wandered between your thighs. You were only wearing one of Dream’s shirts and some underwear (tormenting him with the ‘no touching’ rule) so it was easy to slip your fingers inside the underwear, finding yourself already wet. You lazily played with yourself, rubbing circles on your clit and sliding a finger inside to pump and curl against your g-spot. It wasn’t anywhere near as good as Dream’s fingers, but he was a little preoccupied…

“MOTHER FUCKER!” You giggled as he died again and your hole clenched down around your finger in response to the yell. He growled and turned around. “You think this is so funny huh-” He cut himself off as his eyes zeroed in on your hand down your waistband. 

You grinned and bit your lip, sure you saw his dick twitch in his sweatpants. “I do,” you purred.

His jaw clenched and he hummed low in his throat. “Does my little pet like seeing her master in pain?”

Your breath hitched and you took the time to add a second finger before you answered. “...like seeing you angry… ‘s hot…”

“Well you’re doing a fucking amazing job making me angry,” he growled. “Sitting over there enjoying yourself while you make me fuck up my runs. You know your time is almost up, baby. The second that alarm goes off I get to do whatever I want with you, and I’m not going to be nice.” A sadistic grin spread on his lips as you faltered and panickedly checked the time. 7:53. “Aw, did someone forget this little game of yours doesn’t last forever?”

“Wha- wait, wait, wait, babe- let’s not be hasty-”

“We’re a little past ‘hasty,’ pet,” he told you flatly. “Go on,” he coaxed, pulling himself out of his sweats and beginning to pump his cock. “Get yourself ready for me because I’m not wasting time prepping a brat like you.” 

You whimpered, but you knew he was serious. You worked frantically to stretch yourself open, watching his hand move lazily on his cock. Suddenly your roles had been flipped and you were the tense one while he was completely relaxed.

“You can take another finger, baby,” he purred, lips curled into that downright evil grin as you obeyed. “I bet you’re wishing I’d won the bet right about now, huh?” He sighed, leaning his head back and watching you down his nose. “I was gonna take such good care of you, pet. I was gonna dress you up in a pretty dress and stockings and put you to work. I was gonna spend all morning teasing you: spanking you when you bent over, slipping my hand under your skirt- I was even playing with the idea of a remote controlled vibrator. Then after lunch I would tell you I was still hungry and I was gonna eat that sweet pussy until your cum was dripping down my chin. Your job for the rest of the day was going to be keeping my cock warm and taking my cum, but you just had to fuck everything up, didn’t you, pet?” You whimpered at the low growl but he made no move to comfort you as he casually grabbed the bottle of lube off his desk. “Take your panties off, baby. Don’t make me rip them off,” he threatened, watching you hurry to obey as he slicked up his cock. 

“There’s my good pet. You’re gonna make it up to me for being such a brat, aren’t you? I’m gonna be rough, baby, give me a color.”

“Green,” you panted. “Green, sir, please-”

Beep beep beep

Within a second the shock collar hit the wall and your legs were folded up to your shoulders as he slammed into you. “There’s my pretty pet,” he growled as his hips slapped against your ass. He simply smirked as you moaned and begged. “Putting master in a collar made your ego big, baby. I think you need a little reminder of who’s in charge here.”

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.