#was I able to write the entire thing without looking any of it up I mean yes

[nights-at-crystarium]

Okay this's a long post, but I'm BEGGING you to slow down and read the above stuff. The general sentiment's bleak and depressing, though, whether you're a creator or a reader, we're all stuck in this current reality.

In our xiv corner, I noticed that some people actually begin to look up to my work as an inspiration and a success story. While this "success" keeps being shaky and uncertain, I have to keep promoting my work like cursed in order to stay in the same place, I AM able to work on Fragments full time and have a home and eat, so I guess that qualifies as success these days. I hope this doesn't come across as bragging, in face of horrors I simply want to provide a positive example, to acknowledge how lucky and privileged I am that, despite everything, there are still enough people that love and support Fragments.

I'm in my 30s, but I've never had any real comic aspirations, no ocs that I dreamt of since I was a child. So, while I emotionally resonate with the jaded creators in this post, my story's a bit different. I'm forever a fanartist, a fandom dweller that tried making something out of pure love, and it happened to be in a fandom large and active enough to pick up.

It began in 2022, in the hellish post-apocalyptic socmed landscape that I've been able to navigate only because I have a decently analytical, "seller" mindset, and a lot of spite for the evil that took away MY internet. They shit all over my home, now I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep the tiny island that keeps shrinking every year (the censorship, the algorithms, the conservative and purist idiots). Audience becomes more and more shallow, hard to please (the oversaturation, everyone's an artist now), hard to grab (everything has to be FLASHY!!!!! Bite-sized, instant gratification), trained by twitter and tiktok to consume without giving anything back.

Making a comic (or fics, or regular art, anything) isn't hard. It's nice and fun. It's more accessible than ever now! But getting it out there? Will you have enough mental fortitude to keep pushing your work, day after day, for months, for years? If you stop showing up on people's feeds, you're forgotten. But what if there isn't enough new material to show? Not everyone can churn out a new art every day. Recycling old stuff? A part of you dies whenever you do that. Creators are also scared to interact and support each other due to the cancel culture, so everyone's on their own now. At least I am. I write, I draw, I publish, I promote. To say it's exhausting is to say nothing.

You have to conform. To make attention-grabbing visuals, to sterilize what words you type (unless you're on tumblr, bless) so that your post isn't dumped to trash by algorithm for having "support" or "dead" or "fuck" in it. Even if you jumped through all of those hoops, there's still a risk that people don't care for some reason. Try again.

One of the above posters expressed that to make comics is to be punk again, and boy does it resonate with me. I have so much anger and frustration and spite in me, I'll fight and retaliate until it literally kills me. My way of fighting is holding onto the one good thing that I have in my life, working on Fragments and then being a freak about it with my readers. Fragments is a mature work, it has the ~problematic~ shit that'll make the tiktok-brainrotted people clutch their pearls. Good. It doesn't even conform to the classic comic/manga layout, it's something else entirely, not even because I'm so desperate to be original, but because I do what works for me, what's easier to draw, what brings me joy. The entire comic's punk as hell in every way imaginable. And yet, it managed to find enough other punks that love it just the way it is. It's been 3 years, and I'm still blown away.

I'm a confident person, I know what I'm doing, I LOVE what I'm doing, I HAVE FUN (until I have to promote the goddamn thing again). My work's unusual and it'll probably never stop being niche. However, it's got just enough vibe to attract my tribe, for which I'm grateful. Just wanted to say don't give up, random person thinking of making a comic, be yourself, do whatever the fuck you want, prepare to endure a lot and then some more, but it might just work out for you even in 2025.

P.S. One last thing!! Never give in to the perfectionism. Done is better than perfect. Draw and move on, even if you feel dissatisfied with it. Chances are, you're your harshest critic, and no one else will notice the thing that drives you crazy. Don't get caught up in the loop of doom where you wanna redraw/rewrite what you've already published. MOVE THE FUCK ON. KEEP WALKING FORWARD.

In your view/experience. is the rate of "incompleteness" among webcomics more or less the nature of online personal projects as a whole? Or is there something specific to webcomics like laboriousness, audience expectations, relative medium infancy or whatnot?

well for one thing webcomics has changed significantly in the last ten years. it used to have a much lower barrier for entry, just get a smackjeeves account or set up a website with a wordpress plugin. starting a webcomic when i started my webcomic vs starting a webcomic now are totally different experiences.

so i can only speak to people who started their webcomics roughly ten years ago. and roughly ten years ago a lot of us were a whole lot younger with a lot more time and energy to spend on a comic for free. this part is probably still somewhat true for new artists.

but then you get older. your ideas change. your skill develops and the old stuff isn't as good. or you don't have as much time, you got a day job. unless you're one of like five people on earth your webcomic is not paying your rent. you need to make money. your shoulder hurts. you're 30 now. you're struggling to make updates on time between whatever else makes you happy and what else you need to do to live. you wrote this story when you were 21, you don't relate to it anymore, you have different ideas, you've grown up, your audience has noticeably dropped off from the peak, social media managing is hard, you have to go to work, you're so tired, all the time.

it's a lot of things.

[xoxolaw]

+ 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗥 𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗬

in which a quiet visit to her room turns into something else entirely. Hyun-tak finds her diary, and with it, the truth he never saw coming.

+ 𝗚𝗢 𝗛𝗬𝗨𝗡-𝗧𝗔𝗞 𝗫 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥

CH 4 , CH 5 , CH 6

✎ᝰ.ᐟ⋆⑅˚₊

January 1st, 2025

Dear Diary,

Baku confessed to me today.

It still feels strange to write that down. Like my pen might hesitate if I press too hard, or the words will vanish if I look at them too long.

I don’t really know what to feel about it.

Baku and Hyun-tak… they’re close. Really close. So close that Hyun-tak literally renamed himself. "Gotak." That nickname stuck harder than I expected — like it belonged to both of them, stitched together by jokes and sparring matches and the way they always, always have each other's backs.

Sometimes, I think Baku's the best thing that ever happened to Hyun-tak. He brought him out of his shell a little.

He gave him a brother. A safe space. A balance.

And honestly?

Baku’s always treated me nicely too.

Like I wasn’t just Hyun-tak’s “shadow” or “tagalong” — but like someone worth talking to. Like I mattered on my own. I was never left out. I never had to be loud to be noticed when Baku was around.

So I didn’t expect the confession.

Not from him.

He smiled that crooked smile of his — the kind that makes everything feel like a dare — and said:

“I think you’re really pretty. And cool. Wanna go out with me?”

Just like that.

Like he was asking me to come watch him play basketball or walk to the arcade.

Like my answer wouldn't break anything. I didn’t know what to say. Well — that’s a lie. I did know. I was going to say no.

Not because Baku isn’t kind. Or warm. Or someone I care about.

But because...

I already gave my heart to someone else.

Years ago.

But before I could answer, he just laughed and added, “You don’t have to say anything now. If you show up at the basketball court at 6 PM tonight, that means yes. If you don’t… well, then I get my answer.”

God, he really is dumb sometimes.

Sweet, but dumb.

It’s 8 PM now.

I didn’t go.

And I know — I know — he won’t take it too badly.

That’s not who he is. He’ll probably joke about it tomorrow. Ruffle my hair and say something like, “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

And maybe I’ll laugh.

And maybe I won’t know what to say then either.

But right now — I’m alone in my room, staring at my ceiling, wondering if I made something awkward between two of the most important people in my life.

But you know what I keep thinking about?

How easy it was for Baku.

How fearless. How brave.

He likes someone, so he says it.

Simple. Direct. With that crooked grin like the whole world could break and he’d still be okay.

I envy that.

So much.

Because I’ve never been able to do that.

I can’t even imagine it — standing in front of Hyun-tak, looking him in the eye and saying, “I like you.”

What if I did?

What if I told him everything?

That all these years — the laughs, the fights, the quiet walks home, the summer nights, the way my heart stumbles every time he looks at me just a second too long — meant something more. Everything, actually.

What if I told him that sometimes I lie awake and wonder what his heartbeat sounds like up close?

What if I told him that the way he says my name has started to mean more to me than any poem I’ve ever read?

What if I said it — really said it — and he didn’t feel the same?

Would he laugh? Would he pity me? Would we stop being “us”? I don’t think I could survive that.

I’d rather have him as my best friend forever than risk losing him for even a second.

Even if it means never hearing him say he feels the same.

Even if it means watching him fall for someone else someday.

Even if it breaks my heart, one silent page at a time.

Because loving Hyun-tak…

It’s not like a spark or fire or rush of adrenaline.

It’s like a river.

Slow. Gentle. Deep.

I don’t even remember when it started — only that it never stopped.

But maybe that’s my problem.

I let it keep flowing.

And now it’s so big, I don’t know how to dam it without drowning.

Baku was brave.

And I… am not.

So I’ll stay here — behind my diary pages, behind quiet glances and untold truths — and love him safely, silently.

Like always.

— Y/N

(17 and too afraid to lose her favorite person)

✎ᝰ.ᐟ⋆⑅˚₊

A smile crept on his face. He was relieved that she rejected Baku. His fingers gently traced the edges of the diary as he kept re-reading the lines where she expressed her feelings unfiltered.

The words blurred slightly. His eyes didn’t sting, but they burned — like they’d just seen something too intimate, too honest, something he wasn’t supposed to find.

His hands were still. He could feel his heart. Physically. Loud and uneven and too fast. It pounded in his ears, down his throat, through his chest.

A low ache bloomed there — behind his ribs, in the spaces where her words settled and curled up like they belonged there.

“I already gave my heart to someone else. Years ago. Quietly. Fully.”

The weight of that line hit like a punch. Not all at once — but slowly. Like he was falling into it.

She was talking about him. Him. He had to reread it. Twice. Three times. It didn’t make sense. Couldn’t make sense. Because… how? How had he not seen it? How could someone pour themselves out like this — years of love, of hope, of quiet breaking — and he’d just… not noticed?

His hand moved to the middle of the page, fingertips pressing gently over her words. As if he could touch the shape of her heart through her ink.

“I’d rather have him as my best friend forever than risk losing him for even a second.”

He sucked in a breath. His mouth was dry. His throat too tight. And for the first time in a very long time — he felt afraid. Not of the words. But of what they made him feel.

Because suddenly, everything — every moment, every memory — came rushing back like a river too strong to hold back.

Her laugh echoing behind him as she chased him down the street. The way she pouted when he teased her for being short, then stood on tiptoe just to flick his forehead.

The way she looked at him during his matches — fists clenched, face burning with pride, screaming his name louder than anyone else.

The way she once clung to his arm when thunder cracked, whispering she wasn’t scared of storms, just “surprised.”

And her smile — the one she gave him when he handed her his jacket in the rain without a word.

God.

Had he really never realized?

He clenched his jaw. A slow heat crept up the back of his neck. His ears — red. His chest ached. Not in the painful way. Not exactly.

In the new way.

Like something just bloomed there. And it was wild. And tender. And unfamiliar.

Was this love?

Was this what it felt like?

And had it been there all along? Buried under years of routine and jokes and quiet, half-noticed glances? Tucked into her smiles, the way she always waited for him, the way his day never started unless he heard her voice?

But suddenly he realised something. "She's with Baku, alone right now??" He mumbled while sitting straight up.

He didn't know why. But after reading that diary entry, he didn't want her to be him. It was dumb of him to wish this. But it wasn't something he could control, his heart just felt that way.

But then his eyes wandered back to her diary. Even if her writing style has changed drastically over the years...

There was one thing that hadn't changed.

The way she always wrote Hyun-Tak with a blue pen and for some reason it had her voice in it.

+ 𝗔𝗨𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗥'𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘 + 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

ISTG I LOVE WRITING HYUN-TAK

+ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

@keizvn @soobinbunnie5 @chaywkk @l5byrinth @inom17 @randomheyl @coffee-ii @mizxuqii @dna-black-and-blue @kyungjunnies @maxinehufflepuffprincess @deboizzzstay @coolasiangal123 @intoanothermind @satoru2716 @chenlegendj @changbinkisser @xh01bri @jww-sjzyeirie @thebatapex @itzcandy @ryeounistic @ruruyinn @ashayein @bblgeum @tojirin @lov3lylyn @urmazah

[mermaidlighthouse]

[yan-randomfandom]

Heyyy! I was wondering if you could do yandere saja boys x reader where the reader hangs out with a guy and they get very jealous

Yandere!Saja Boys x GN!Reader

a/n; the day im satisfied with writing a yan!saja boys and/or yan!huntrix one shot is the day i'll retire because this is still lacking 💔

warnings; uncomfortable, stalking, possessive behavior, more spotlight on Abby! no Jinu here, sry!

— 🌇

That's weird.

You're not anywhere in your house. You haven't responded to their messages yet.

"Think they finally had enough of us?" Baby mutters, looking through your snack drawer—nothing of interest—before closing it harsher than intended. The loud bang echoes in the empty kitchen.

Abby narrows his eyes as he looks through the window. The sun is going to set soon. "That can't be right. Maybe they went to buy something."

"Without telling us?" Mystery growls, his fingers fidgeting together. Well, it's not like you need to tell them every action you'll do. He's not even sure himself why he's so irritated.

After all, they were already planning to take your soul after the whole thing is over. But now that he's thinking of it again, the idea doesn't feel so good anymore...

The front door suddenly squeals open. All of them turn, expecting you, but instead meet Romance's face.

"Don't look so disappointed," Romance scoffs with an eyebrow raise. "I found the human. Come on."

— 🫧

First, they felt relief, then anger, then sadness, then nothing.

They found you alone, as Romance said you were, but then you started laughing. Your gentle laughter stopped them from getting any closer. A smile curls on your lips as your eyes consistently follow something.

"What?" Romance mutters, confusion scrunching his face. They can't see well from this angle—but they can't move either without being seen.

"I told you it's slippery," you snicker, walking over and extending your hand. Ah. So you weren't alone. "Come on. I'll help you up, I guess."

"Thanks," a voice replies, matching your energy, causing all of the boys to glance at each other. They watch as a hand takes yours. "I guess."

The person gets up—a man. Not a demon, but a human. Standing too close to you and still holding your hand. Or maybe it was just a normal distance, and time felt like forever watching you touch that thing—but, oh, Gwi-Ma. They feel like boiling their human forms.

You finally let go of him, using your hand to fish your phone out of your pocket. A frown snakes across your lips after a while. "Oh, no."

"Oh no?" your friend asks, tilting his head. "Is something wrong?"

You begin chewing your bottom lip, looking around. "No, uh, not really. But I have to go now. Nice catching up with you, man!"

"Aw, really?" he says, glancing at his phone. "Oh. It is pretty late. Isn't your apartment like right over there? I can—"

"There you are!"

You and your friend turn your heads, both of your eyes widening for entirely different reasons.

Abby approaches you with a charming smile, settling an arm over your shoulders. He hums as he takes a good, innocent look at your companion. "Who's this?"

"Saja— Abs—Abby? From Saja Boys?! Uh, I mean— Hi! So nice to meet you!" An unexpected blush blooms over your friend's face. He glances at you with nervousness and fascination before bowing his head.

Your friend shows off a crooked grin. He's a big fan already; he told you moments ago how he had Soda Pop on loop. You huff and remove Abby's arm from your shoulder, barely able to hold your flinch at the way he looked offended.

You gaze at Abby in anticipation.

Abby immediately gets the hint and masks himself. "Oh, a fan! Thank you for your support!"

They took a picture, Abby did his autograph, all the while giving him fanservice with his abs. Your friend giggles cheerfully as they shake their hands goodbye. You didn't miss the way Abby wiped his hand on his shirt when your friend wasn't looking.

"Take care!" you call to him, waving a hand before turning to a blank-faced Abby.

He stares at you humorlessly.

You blink, avoiding his eyes. "Uh, hey. Sorry about... not replying. I ran out of—"

Abby chuckles, smiles like he wasn't just judging your entire being, and shakes his head. He returns to draping his arm around your shoulder protectively. "No need to explain. We're glad you're safe. Let's go home."

Your brows furrow as Abby guides your walk. We're? We?

It's an obvious thing that once a member is involved, all of them are. Just... where are the others? Abby is the only one here.

You stray your eyes, landing on a window.

In the dim reflection, three pairs of glowing, golden eyes point at you in the distance. Ah. There they are. Watching, waiting.

Ugh. You look away. Jinu's never this level of creepy. He's not present again, as always.

You don't notice Abby nodding his head curtly next to you.

— need .. need to include more horrors..... ngl I'm stuck between funny or horrific yan!saja boys ,,

— also if you're wondering why Jinu isn't here, I just prefer not to include him in general! yeah my bad, in my other fics he's just kinda hanging around

— why's it so hard for me to write yandere (says the yandere blog)

[em1i2a3]

Sports Car

Pairing: Bob/Robert Reynolds/The Sentry/The Void x Thunderbolts!Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Bob have been having sex together for a while now, and have basically christened the entire compound, but when you get injured during a mission and are rendered incapable of having sex for the next month, the cravings need to be relieved somehow.

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI! Fluff, Mentions of Injuries, and Smutish, an Unestablished relationship technically.

Smut Warnings: There are sexual themes to this and references to the reader and Bob having sex together everywhere basically, Mutual Masturbation, Dirty Talk, Cum eating, Bob is just trying to be a good boy man…

Author’s Note: Y’all…I can’t stop writing for this man, and you’ve pulled me into writing for Rhett Abbott as well, what the hell am I gonna do with all these ideas?! Certainly not going to start doing double updates or anything…AHEM anyways. Hope y’all enjoy. I liked the request that was put in by an anon for this to be themed to ‘Sports Car’ by Tate McCrae., I don’t know who y’all are but you guys know how to tempt me with a groovy song lol. Thank you.

Word Count: 6,304

Not being able to have sex with you felt like a death sentence to Bob Reynolds. That was just the plain honest truth.

Because ever since the dam between the both of you broke–ever since the first desperate kiss in the hallway, the first half-undressed quickie in the supply closet, the first time you looked up at him and asked for all of him–Bob hadn’t been the same. You had tethered to him, quietly, and completely, and you didn’t let go.

And he was wholly and utterly yours.

Every room in the compound’s living quarters carried proof of that–or at least memories of it because you and Bob were people who made sure the evidence was only on your bodies and not anything that could be seen to your roommates. They knew of course, but the both of you never wanted to push the envelope by being exhibitionalists, at least…Not when they were around.

Because when the both of you were left to your own devices–which was often–you made sure to take advantage, and you made sure your bodies remembered everything.

You’d sneak up on him in the kitchen and press your lips to the back of his neck while your hand slid under the band of his sweats. He’d whimper every time like it was brand new, like you hadn’t already wrecked him twice that day.

He’d climb on top of you on the couch, tug the book from your hands, kiss your sternum through your shirt until your fingers curled in his hair and your thighs parted instinctively.

You’d pull him into the laundry room and perch on top of the machine with your knees spread, bare just enough for him to drop to his knees and disappear between your thighs–right there, surrounded by the scent of dryer sheets and heat and the unbearable sound of him trying not to moan with his mouth full.

He’d drag you into the storage room, lift you like you weighed nothing, pin you against the shelves and thrust up into you at a devastating angle, biting your shoulder just to keep from making a sound that would’ve echoed through the vents.

The showers were slower. Steamy. Sacred. Hands gliding over each other, mouths tasting sweat and water and salt. His voice would rasp your name like a confession. And yours would stutter in return like a prayer.

This wasn’t just about the pleasure though, it was about the relief. Like your bodies were the only way you knew how to communicate to one another when the world was too loud.

When it all started, it was all-consuming. You’d barely make it through the day without ending up pressed against each other somewhere, whispering ‘just one more time’ through bitten lips. You took advantage of any free time you had and poured it into being tangled up with Bob, and that became your favourite thing to do.

There were days you’d have sex until you were sore. Until Bob couldn’t stop shaking. Until you were both red-cheeked and boneless and half-laughing at how wrecked you were.

Eventually, it mellowed–just enough that the both of you weren’t constantly distracted. You settled into a rhythm. Once in the morning. Again before bed, and sometimes in the middle of the afternoon if the compound was quiet.

Enough to satisfy the craving without drowning in it.

And then–

You got hurt.

It wasn’t a scratch or a bruise or something a few stitches could fix.

You had been caught in a sticky situation–hand to hand combat with someone who decided to bring a knife to a fist fight. And you were left absolutely destroyed.

You spent twelve hours in surgery and were left with twenty-three internal stitches, thirty-four external stitches on your abdomen, two cracked ribs, and a strict, no exceptions recovery plan: bed rest, hydration, painkillers, no heavy lifting, no exertion, and no sex–when you had asked the doctor about it they had said sex is exertion–for the next four weeks.

The first few nights were rough. You couldn’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time, even with the heavy dose of painkillers. You couldn’t sit up on your own because of the angle of the wound. You couldn’t laugh when Bob or anyone else made a joke, you couldn’t sneeze–which was easy to avoid given Bob’s recommendation of distracting your brain by saying something randomly–and you couldn’t move without feeling like glass was breaking through your skin.

Throughout it all, Bob never left your side–even though you had told him multiple times he didn’t have an obligation to be there, which was met with a gentle kiss on the forehead and him telling you to shush.

He helped you shower–kneeling beside the tub, and supporting you with an arm across your back as you lowered yourself into the cold porcelain. He washed your hair with trembling hands, rubbing gentle circles into your scalp in an attempt to relax you and bring you some sort of comfort. He would dry you off without looking too long–even though you knew he wanted to. Though you had caught his eyes lingering–just for a second–before flickering away like it hurt to see you like that.

He would dress you slowly, shimmying you into the oversized t-shirt he loved seeing you in, and pulling the hem down over your thighs before asking if you were okay, like it didn’t break him every time he had to stop himself from going further.

Even through all of it, you always asked him to sleep beside you.

You were so used to waking up with him–your legs tangled with his, your cheek tucked into his neck, his hand resting somewhere warm and steady on your waist. Sleeping without him felt wrong now. Cold. Like something vital was missing.

Bob never said no.

But he had definitely changed the way he held you.

Now, he slid into his side of the bed with the caution of someone lowering themselves into a minefield. He moved like any shift in weight might hurt you, or worse—might hurt himself.

He lay stiffly beneath the sheets, on his back or facing the far wall, hands clutched to his chest or balled into the fabric of the blanket. He didn’t reach for you. Didn’t curl around you like he used to.

And he didn’t sleep. Not really.

Because the proximity was torture.

And not just the proximity–

The bed itself.

This was the bed you made love in.

The bed where you’d climbed into his lap and whispered praise into his mouth. The bed where he’d traced every inch of you with trembling hands. The bed where he’d watched you come apart with his name on your lips and your fingers buried in his hair.

Now he lay beside you like a ghost of himself.

Going cold turkey after months of unrestrained closeness—of your thighs squeezing his waist, of his mouth on your chest, of his hands gripping your hips while you moaned for him—

It wasn’t just frustrating.

It was excruciating.

It reminded him of when he was withdrawing from Meth. Of the days when his nerves felt like they’d been stripped raw, exposed to the air, and every muscle ached with the absence of something he couldn’t name.

It made his skin burn, made his chest go tight, and made his entire body feel hollow and heavy all at once.

Some nights he would lie awake just listening to you breathe–soft and steady beside him–trying to find comfort in the rhythm.

Other nights were harder.

Nights when your shirt would ride up in your sleep, revealing the gauze taped to your side and the delicate curve of your waist…And he’d have to roll away, press his hand to his chest, and breathe through his teeth until the ache settled.

Sometimes your thigh would brush against his–warm and unintentional–and his whole body would jolt. His fingers would curl into his palm hard enough to leave crescent marks, his jaw clenched so tight it hurt.

Because the Sentry…

The Sentry noticed.

He felt everything more intensely now. The smell of your shampoo. The warmth of your skin. The shape of your breath against his neck when you shifted toward him in the dark.

And you were the only person the Sentry had ever bonded with. The only one who hadn’t flinched in his presence. Who didn’t just tolerate his power, but excited it.

You made him feel wanted. Controlled. Grounded.

But Bob–Bob wasn’t sure he could be enough of a barrier anymore especially with the situation.

Every brush of skin. Every gentle kiss you gave him in passing. Every time you said his name with that soft edge of longing–

The Sentry stirred.

Not violently. Not like before.

But with interest. With hunger. With something dangerously close to worship.

And Bob knew–if he touched you the way he wanted to, if he let himself trail his hand down the hem of your shirt, just once, or kissed you too deeply, too long–

He wouldn’t be able to stop.

The Sentry would take over.

Not to hurt you.

But to claim you like he always did.

To have all of you, again and again, until nothing else existed.

And right now? That could break you, delay your healing, and undo all the process you made.

So Bob stayed still and controlled himself with what little energy he had, and stayed quiet.

He didn’t reach for you, didn’t breathe your name the way he wanted to, didn’t tell you how badly he wanted to feel you, even if it was just your fingers in his hair, or your legs curling around him like they used to.

He stayed good.

Even as it slowly killed him.

———————————

By the second week though, Bob was losing his grip.

You were getting better, which was great to see. The worst of the pain had passed, and you could sit up without help, and walk short distances without Bob having to weave himself around you. The stitches were slowly healing, but the skin didn’t feel like it was tearing every time you moved, which meant that process was going smoothly.

But it also meant that the ache between your legs–the one you hadn’t noticed at first because it was dulled by the drowsiness of your medications–was back, and growing louder by the day.

The absence of him–of all of him–had become a pulse inside you. A hollow beat.

You felt like you were on high alert when he was around you, and you noticed such mundane things, like when his hand would brush by yours and set your skin ablaze or when he moved and the smell of his shampoo would tickle your nose. You tried to avoid it because you wanted to respect the doctor’s orders…But it was getting worse by the minute.

So one night, when the lights were off and the air between you was thick with the silence of things unsaid, you reached for him with such slowness that it could've gone unnoticed. Your hand slipped beneath the blanket and rested on his stomach first–just a whisper of a touch.

“Y/N…” He warned, his voice already unsteady, as he slowly opened his eyes to look down at you.

But you didn’t stop. You slid lower, fingers brushing the waistband of his boxers. He let out a sharp breath, and your hand cupped him softly through the fabric. He was already hard–painfully hard, if the way his hips jerked was any indication.

“Let me help,” You pleaded. “Just a little. I’ll be gentle...I promise.” But Bob grabbed your wrist–not harshly. Not even tightly. Just firm, just to stop you. His breathing was ragged, chest rising and falling like he was trying to hold something back.

“I-I can’t,” He rasped.

Your lips parted, and your brows furrowed in confusion. “You can’t or you don’t want to?”

“Of course I-I want to. G-God, I want to,” He said, voice cracking along the edges, almost like he was in pain. “B-But if you keep touching me, I won’t be able to stop, and I won’t be able to stay…You k-know what happens w-when I get worked up.”

The words landed like a stone between you.

You pulled your hand back slowly, guilt crawling into your chest. “Bob…”

“I’d g-give anything for this,” He whispered, eyes clenched shut. “F-For you. But if I l-lose control and hurt you–if the S-Sentry takes over because I can’t keep my hands to myself–I-I won’t forgive myself.” You nodded, even though the rejection burned like a bruise.

You knew the Sentry very well, because you’d encountered him countless times when Bob was so overwhelmed with pleasure and nerves that he took the wheel. You knew when those eyes glistened with a film of gold you were going to be in for an experience. He respected you, he treated you like you were his queen but he was extremely passionate…Passionate enough to stunt your recovery tenfold.

So you turned your back to him quietly, and cushioned yourself against the body pillow beside you, just to not torture yourself and Bob more by looking at him.

——————

The next day, Bob couldn’t concentrate. Not on his book, or on his breakfast. Not even on the tiny lavender plant you’d started trying to keep alive on the windowsill, which had recently begun to droop–as if it felt the tension in the room.

He just wanted to do right by you and be a good man, but on the inside he was screaming. His body was tired of restraint. Tired of pretending.

He could barely look at you without needing to breathe through it.

So he excused himself around midafternoon–told you he needed some air. You told him you’d be okay for a bit, and you meant it. You knew where he was going before he even left the room.

He needed someone to talk to.

Someone who could handle hearing about what he was feeling without looking at him like he was dangerous. Someone who knew what it meant to wrestle with instincts too big for one body.

He found them on the back patio, where the weight bench had been dragged out into the spring sun like a makeshift shrine to silence and post-mission soreness.

Bucky sat on the low concrete ledge, knees spread, forearms resting on them like he’d been in that same position for hours, he was sweating through his grey shirt like he had been benching a whole building on his own.

Walker was shirtless with sweat running down his chest as he racked a set of heavy dumbbells with a grunt that seemed unnecessarily loud.

And Alexei was reclined in a half-broken Adirondack chair, with a half-eaten protein bar melting in his lap, and a bottle of beer perched on the table beside him, just enjoying the warmth that the sun was bringing him.

They didn’t say anything at first when he walked out into the common area, shielding his face from the sun, but they could tell that he looked absolutely exhausted and he was shouldering something that he couldn’t handle on his own. He threw himself down on a lawn chair and let out a sigh, tilting his head back to stare up into the cloud dusted sky.

Alexei, Walker and Bucky gave each other a few side eyes, almost like they were daring one another to ask the question that they knew would crack Bob open immediately. But when Walker made a gesture for Bucky to say something, he decided to take the first shot at starting a conversation.

”You alright?” He asked reluctantly, squinting at him through the rays of sun that beat down on the patio. Bob let out another long exhale, deeper this time, keeping his eyes glued to the dusty blue that lined the sky, watching the clouds shifting overhead. It would’ve been a beautiful day if his insides weren’t chewing themselves to pieces.

”I really don’t know.” He replied. Walker raised an eyebrow.

”Well that’s a strong opening.” Alexei took a gulp from his beer bottle and sighed.

”Is this about Y/N?” Bob didn’t flinch at the mentioning of your name, but just by the softening of his features they knew you were going to be the topic of conversation. Walker gave a soft whistle and leaned back on the bench.

”Damn…Must be serious. You never bring her up.” Bob shrugged.

”W-Well we don’t really talk a-about this kind of stuff together.” Bob muttered, voice low, as his cheeks began to heat up from nerves.

”That’s because we assume that if you do, you’ll explode, which seems like you’re on the right track to doing that now.” He said, motioning to his face to point out the blush that crept up on Bob’s pale cheeks, before cracking open a water bottle. Bucky shot Walker a sharp glance but kept quiet.

”Okay, you talk now, we listen, and we tell how you don’t mess things up.” Alexei explained with a shrug, taking another swig of beer. Bob shifted forward in his chair, palms clasps together like he was trying to stop them from shaking.

”We were…Uhm…” He cleared his throat, “We were s-super active before she got injured…And I mean l-like…” His voice dropped even lower than it was, “A lot.” Bucky raised an eyebrow at the statement.

”I hope you’re not about to tell us she’s pregnant.” Bob’s head shot up.

”W-What? No!” Walker snorted loudly at the reaction, watching Bob run both hands over his face, “T-That would be e-easier to manage t-than this honestly…” That shut them up for a second. He exhaled and shook his head.

“The doctor basically gave us a full-on ban. No sex. No exertion. F-For weeks. A-And I’ve been going insane. I’m trying to be good, I-I am, but I can’t even look at her w-without feeling like I’m gonna burst into flames.” The guys exchanged a look. Not mocking. Not amused. It was a shared, silent kind of understanding. The ‘oh shit, he’s really losing it’ kind. Alexei frowned slightly, like he was calculating something. Bucky leaned back a little, arms crossed, but his jaw was tight. Walker raised both brows and sat forward on the bench, elbows on his knees.

”Well…It’s not like…You can’t do other things apart from actual sex.” Bob let out a strained exhale.

”E-Easy for you to say…You don’t have the S-Sentry serum running through your veins…I–I almost punched a hole in the shower w-wall the other day just trying to relieve myself b-because the Sentry was pissed off we couldn’t have her…” Walker paused mid-sip, brows scrunching.

”Wait…Wait, hold on. We? The Sentry’s had sex with Y/N?” Bob froze. His ears turned crimson instantly.

“I–I mean–I…It’s not–I didn’t mean it like that, I–” He ran a hand down his face, flustered once again. “It’s not like I hand over the keys to my b-brain and say ‘have at her’, o-okay? I-It’s just…I-It’s hard to control when I’m all… Worked up…S-She knows that.”

There was a beat of silence.

Then Bucky, quiet but not incurious, leaned forward slightly. “So…What happens to you when he, y’know…Interrupts?” He only asked more because he had his fair share of odd experiences before he got a handle on The Winter Soldier programming, so maybe he would actually have sound advice if he knew what was going on. The question only made Bob’s eyes widen.

“W-We’re not talking about this,” He stammered quickly, shaking his head and sitting up like he could physically remove himself from the question. “No. No, absolutely not. That’s not why I came out here.”

Walker raised both hands. “Hey man, you’re the one who said we. You opened that very complicated door.”

Bob scrubbed his palms against his thighs, anxious. “I’m n-not here to give you guys a breakdown of–of what happens w-when I get off, okay?”

Walker opened his mouth again to say something.

“I mean it,” Bob cut in, voice cracking slightly from sheer desperation. “Guys, please. I’m not trying to be dramatic, I just–I really need help f-figuring out how to not reject Y/N e-every night without doing s-something that’s going to mess up her recovery.”

That quieted them.

Bob’s voice dropped again, a threadbare plea now.

“I-I don’t wanna push her away. She already feels like s-she’s broken or fragile or… I don’t k-know. L-Less than. And I hate it. I-I hate not being able to touch her. But if I lose c-control, if the Sentry kicks in at the wrong time, I could delay everything. I could–I could hurt her. I don’t want to fumble this. So I need to figure out how we can both get some kind of relief without c-crossing that line.”

He looked up, finally, eyes flicking from one face to the next.

“So can you guys p-please help me. F-For the love of God.” The silence that followed wasn’t awkward anymore. Bucky stayed quiet for a moment, still leaning forward, elbows braced on his knees, gaze steady on Bob like he was reading the fine print behind his eyes. Then, very calmly, very dryly, he said:

“…What if you acted like it was a long-distance call?”

Bob blinked. “W-What?”

Walker let out a short laugh. “Like phone sex?”

Bucky didn’t flinch. “Exactly like phone sex. She’s could be in the bed next to you, but you pretend she’s not…Or you keep your distance or something so you can see her, but you won’t have the temptation to touch her…And you can do it together too so it’s not like it’ll be one–sided or anything.” Bob blinked slowly, then looked down at his hands, the gears clearly turning. A pause, then—

“…That may actually work,” He muttered, more to himself than anyone else

Alexei raised his beer slightly and tilted his head toward Bucky, brows raised in mock suspicion. “But how you know this, Snow Soldier? You never leave compound. You don’t even have dating app.”

Bucky didn’t even flinch. “Doesn’t mean I forgot how to please a woman, Alexei.”

Walker choked on his water. “Jesus Christ.”

“I read and keep up with the times,” Bucky added flatly, raising an eyebrow. “And unlike some people here, I’ve been alive for over a century. There’s not much I haven’t heard of. Or tried.”

Alexei let out a low whistle. “That is…Oddly impressive.”

Bucky smirked, just a little. “Thanks. I’m full of surprises.” Bob, who had gone quiet again, looked back up with a glint of something new behind his eyes. Not quite confidence–but something adjacent to courage.

“I–I think I’m gonna ask her about it. T-Tonight. See if she’s up for it. I mean, if she’s not comfortable then I won’t push it, but…I think she’d say yes. I–I think she needs it…”

“Yeah,” Walker nodded, surprisingly sincere now. “She probably does.”

Alexei pointed his beer toward Bob with a nod. “Just go slow. Say words. Stay in control.”

Bucky gave him a final look, calm and steady. “You’ve already got the hard part figured out, Bob. You care. That’s more than most guys walk into a bedroom with.”

Bob nodded, then stood–hands still a little shaky, but steadier than before. Steadier with purpose now.

“Thanks,” He said, voice low but certain. “Really.”

And with that, he turned and headed back toward the compound. The sun had shifted lower in the sky, casting long golden beams across the windows as he disappeared through the door.

——————

The bedroom was quiet except for the soft rustle of pages.

You lay on your side, nestled into a warm pocket of pillows, the glow from your bedside lamp casting a soft halo over the book open in your hands. The words blurred slightly around the edges, not because you were tired, but because it had become harder to focus lately—especially when your body remembered Bob’s absence more than your mind wanted it to.

Then the door creaked open.

You glanced up.

And immediately–everything shifted.

Bob stood in the doorway for a moment like he wasn’t sure what kind of gravity he was stepping into. But something about him was different tonight. Less hunched. Less haunted. His jaw was still tight, but not from restraint. His eyes–those warm, sky-colored eyes–met yours without flinching.

You sat up a little, a finger marking your page. “Hey…”

He closed the door behind him. “Hey.”

The word felt heavier than usual. More certain.

He crossed the room with a slow, quiet gait. No twitching hands. No pacing. Just a quiet sort of determination as he reached your side and—without asking—sat on the edge of the bed beside you.

Your heart kicked up.

And then he leaned in. Like he was checking something on your face. But then his hand came up, brushed your hair gently back from your cheek, and his mouth found yours in a slow, quiet kiss.

Not rushed. Not desperate.

Just there.

Present.

It had been so long since he kissed you like that–without pulling away, without worrying, without freezing halfway through it like he was terrified his control might snap.

And the second his lips pressed to yours, a moan slipped out before you could stop it. Soft. Raw. Needful.

He pulled back an inch, eyes darting over your face.

“Sorry–” You whispered, breath catching.

“No,” He said immediately, voice low and rough. “G-God, no. I missed that. I’ve m-missed you.”

You blinked, stunned by the admission. Your hand lifted and rested on his thigh instinctively, grounding yourself in the weight of him.

“You seem…” You started, trailing your fingers slowly over the muscle. “Different.”

“I-I t-talked to the guys,” he admitted, a little sheepishly. “Bucky, Walker, Alexei. I was… I was honest with them about how bad t-this has been. And they helped me think of something that might…Help the both of us.”

You tilted your head. “Help?”

His thumb traced the edge of your jaw. “S-Something that keeps us inside the lines. But still g-gives us each other.”

Your pulse picked up. “Tell me.”

He swallowed, eyes flicking from your lips to your eyes.

“We don’t touch each other,” He said slowly, like every word was being weighed in his mouth. “But we…W-Watch. Talk. Feel. Together. Like we’re far away, even though w-we’re right next to each other.”

You stared at him.

And you felt your thighs press together beneath the blanket. “Phone sex. Without the phone.”

He flushed. Nodded.

You smiled, almost shyly. “That’s actually…Hot.” He raised his eyebrows at the reception you gave.

“You think so?” He asked quietly.

“I know so.” You shifted upright, the blanket sliding down your legs. Your breath caught as you watched him watching you–those blue eyes darkening just a shade, like the idea of what you were both tiptoeing toward was finally starting to register in full.

“Can we…” You whispered, voice thick, “Can we try it now?”

Bob’s lips parted like he was about to say something, but nothing came out at first–just the shaky sound of his inhale. Then, very softly, he nodded.

“Y-Yeah,” He murmured. “If you want to.”

“I do.”

That was all it took.

You reached for him before either of you could second-guess it–your fingers curling gently around his jaw as you pulled him back in for another kiss.

But this time it wasn’t soft.

This kiss was full of all the time you’d spent aching. All the days spent holding back. All the longing that had been quietly burning a hole through your resolve. The moment your lips met, it was slow but hungry, your mouth parting for him with a sigh that made his whole body jolt.

He kissed you back like a man dying of thirst–like he couldn’t believe you were letting him taste you again. His hand cupped your cheek, then your neck, and for just one second, just one, he let his thumb brush your jaw like he was memorizing the shape of you again.

You felt his restraint trembling under every inch of that kiss, before you pulled back.

His lips were still parted when you pulled away, breath ragged, lashes heavy over those pale blue eyes.

“I know you said no touching,” You whispered, your forehead still brushing his, “But I just wanted to do that again before we start…”

Bob didn’t answer right away.

He couldn’t.

His gaze was locked on your lips like they still had a gravitational pull he was barely resisting. His chest rose and fell like he’d just run a mile barefoot through fire. But then he gave the smallest nod–slow, reverent, like he understood that this wasn’t just about want.

It was about worship.

You leaned back, eyes locked with his, and slowly threw off the blanket covering your lower half. The cool air kissed your bare legs, but you didn’t flinch. You wanted him to see you. All of you.

You were wearing one of his shirts–oversized and thin with wear, soft against your skin. It was the one he’d dressed you in that morning, his hands shaking a little as he’d pulled it down over your shoulders and mumbled a shy, “Still looks better on you…”

Now, it fell just barely to your upper thighs.

And when Bob saw it–his shirt clinging to your body, brushing your skin like he wished he could–he visibly swallowed.

“Jesus…” He murmured. You shifted your legs slightly apart, slowly, deliberately, and tilted your head at him.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” You whispered. voice soft but trembling with need.

Bob’s breath hitched. His eyes didn’t leave you. Not your face, not your thighs, not the oversized shirt you wore like a second skin. He looked like he was trying to memorize everything, in case it slipped away again.

Bob’s breath caught again, chest rising in a shaky inhale. He didn’t blink. Didn’t move. Just stared—like if he looked away, you’d vanish.

“Wh-What I’m thinkin’?” He managed, voice tight. “I’m thinking about how I used to touch you right there…”

His gaze dropped, slow, reverent, to the place between your parted thighs.

“…With my mouth. My fingers. Both. Just to see which one made you lose it faster.”

You shivered.

“I’m thinking about how y-you look when you come on my fingers,” He rasped, hand twitching near the waistband of his sweats now. “All breathless and wet and begging m-me not to stop, even when you’re already t-trembling…”

Your fingers flexed slightly against the sheets. He noticed. God, he noticed everything.

“And I’m thinking t-that if you slip your panties down right now, I-I’m not gonna last five minutes.”

You leaned back into the pillows and smiled, slow and sinful. “Then don’t blink.”

Bob sucked in a sharp breath as you hooked your thumbs into the waistband of your panties and began to draw them down. Slow. Teasing. Letting him see.

He let out a low, desperate groan when the cotton dragged down over your thighs. When they hit the bed and your legs parted again–bare and glistening in the lamplight–he swore softly under his breath.

His eyes darted to yours, wide, glassy. “I-I–shit–can I–”

You lifted your hand before he could finish, holding out two fingers in front of him.

“Wet them.” You instructed, your voice soft, yet commanding all at the same time.

His lips parted with a soft gasp, and he leaned in immediately, eyes glazed with heat, desperation thick in every breath. He took your fingers into his mouth like it was instinct–like he’d dreamed about this–and moaned around them as his tongue swept between them. Slow. Purposeful.

His eyes never left yours.

You felt it in your core–the worship in it, the filth layered beneath the reverence.

You smiled, breath hitching as you whispered, “I love having your spit on my fingers. Almost makes me feel like you’re inside me…” Bob whimpered, a shudder rolling through him.

He sucked harder, tongue dragging slowly along the pads of your fingers, his cheeks hollowing slightly as he coated you, made sure you were wet–made sure he gave you everything.

And then, just as slow, you pulled your hand back.

You didn’t break eye contact as you brought your glistening fingers down to your clit and touched yourself–soft, slick circles that had you gasping, hips twitching.

Bob’s mouth dropped open. “F-Fuck…”

His hand moved like it wasn’t his own–shoving his sweats down, pushing his shirt up just enough to expose his stomach. His cock sprang free, flushed and painfully hard, already leaking at the tip.

“Jesus Christ,” You moaned, watching him. “You’re so fucking hard, Bob.”

His hand wrapped around himself, shaky. His jaw clenched. “Y-You did that. Just from w-watching you touch yourself, I–please., don’t stop–”

“I’m not planning to,” You breathed, and then slid your fingers down.

Sank them inside.

Your head tipped back. A moan ripped out of you, louder this time, raw.

You fucked yourself deep, a little rough, hips jerking against your own hand. Your moans came fast now, rhythmic, broken.

Bob panted.

He stroked himself hard and fast, eyes locked between your thighs like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His mouth hung open, chest rising in quick, uneven pulls, his light brown locks falling in front of his eyes briefly before he shook them away from his sight.

“Y-You’re rougher tonight,” He gasped. “You’re picturing m-me, aren’t you? My fingers, inside you, f-fuckin’ you so deep–just how you like–god Y/N, I-I’m not gonna–I’m so close–”

“I am picturing you,” You moaned, your voice shaking as your fingers drove in again. “I’m picturing your hand, your breath against my thigh, your groans ringing in my ears while you make me come on your tongue.”

Bob groaned loudly.

And then he broke.

His hips jerked up, cock pulsing as he came across his stomach with a strangled, wrecked moan. Hot streaks spilled across his belly, his hand, his shirt. His other hand braced against the bed as he tried to stay upright, gasping through it.

You didn’t stop yourself though.

Your fingers were soaked, knuckles glistening. You moaned his name again–louder, needier–and then came with a cry, thighs shaking, fingers still moving inside yourself as you chased every last wave of it.

The room filled with nothing but your breaths.

Shaky. Open. Ruined.

And then–

You sat up, slowly, still flushed and trembling. Your fingers, still slick, still glistening with your arousal as you reached toward him.

Bob didn’t even breathe.

He opened his mouth as if possessed.

You slipped your fingers past his lips, and he sucked them eagerly, moaning around them with such softness you could feel yourself getting worked up all over again. His hands were limp at his sides, useless, spent–but his mouth worked slowly cleaning every inch of your fingers, lapping up your sweetness like it was nectar from the gods. When you finally slipped your fingers out, slick and warm, he moaned softly like he didn’t want to let go.

You didn’t speak.

You just leaned in.

And kissed him.

Slow. Gentle. Nothing like the aching heat that came before. This one was quieter–tender and full, your lips brushing against his like you were grounding him, like you needed him tethered to you in this moment just as much as he needed the kiss.

Bob melted into it with a sound that barely made it past his throat, his whole body relaxing under your touch even as his skin still buzzed with the aftershocks of release.

And then–

You pulled back slightly, dragging your gaze down to his cum streaked stomach–glossy and glinting faintly in the lamplight. His shirt was bunched up just enough to show the ridge of muscle beneath. Your hand moved before he even realized.

Fingers dipped low.

Bob’s breath hitched hard as he watched you swipe through one of the fresh, warm streaks across his stomach–slow and lazy, like you were collecting it on purpose.

And then you brought your fingers to your lip, licking them clean without breaking eye contact.

Bob let out a strangled noise–half gasp, half groan–as his body jolted under you.

“Y/N…” He whispered, voice gone thin and broken. “I-I c-can’t–Jesus Christ–“

You just smiled, slow and flushed and soft, licking the taste from the tip of your finger with a flick of your tongue that made his eyes roll back for a second.

“I don’t think,” You said, your voice calm and sultry, “We’ll be able to follow the rules for the next two weeks at the rate we’re going.”

Bob stared at you like you’d just rewritten gravity.

”I know…”

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[andorsdoll]

Homecoming ♡ Anakin Skywalker x Reader [♀]

Summary: Anakin comes home from battle wrecked and starving for you. You’re his wife, his anchor, his religion—and he fucks you like it.

Word Count: 1.6k || Warnings: nsfw. p*rn w/out plot?? idgaf!!, reader & anakin are married, the gloves stay on during sex, no foreplay, penetration (p-in-v), unprotected sex/creampie, some praise/dirty talk, aftercare, doting husband! anakin, etc.,

Author's Note: idk how to write smut, it's hard!!!!! (stop.. genuinely no pun intended >w< )

PS- for any of you guys following my multi chaptered anakin fic on ao3, i'm so sorry that i never ended up updating but i promise it is on its way, like i'm (re)writing the first chapter as we speak ok!!

PPS- if i have any james kelly/hayden christensen girlies, i posted a one shot here ;)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ⁺ .✦.

He doesn’t knock but you hear the sound of boots trecking closer. Your breath catches in your throat the moment the door opens.

Anakin.

Finally.

You stand a little too fast and your knees almost buckle from the way relief crashes into you like a wave.

You hadn't seen him in weeks. Not since he was pulled to the opposite end of the galaxy, again, with nothing but scrambled comms and a handful of encrypted messages.

He’s sunburnt, his cloak covered in dust. His brow is creased but he looks at you like you’ve just saved his life.

“Hi,” you whisper, barely able to get the words out.

That alone nearly breaks him.

Anakin crosses the space between you without hesitation, wrapping you in his arms. He buries his face in your neck, letting out an exhale. Like he's been holding his breath the entire time he was gone.

“I thought I’d go insane,” he mumbles. “I thought if I had to wake up one more morning without you next to me—” He pulls back just far enough to kiss you.

And the second your lips touch—it all unravels.

His kisses are desperate, needy, open-mouthed. Like he’s both punishing and apologizing to you for having had to leave.

“I missed you, Ani." you stroke the back of his head, fingers tangling in dusty curls.

It's almost overwhelming now, being in his arms after weeks. You can't even get another sentence out before Anakin's mouth devours the words against your throat.

He bites and licks at the skin there like he needs proof you’re real. Then he lifts you with both arms, one still gloved, possessive and loving on your thighs, walking you backward through the apartment without looking.

When he finally places you onto the bed, he lays you down like he's been waiting forever for this exact moment.

His forehead rests against yours while his hands roam, sliding beneath your top. Thumbs grazing your nipples until you gasp and whimper into his mouth.

“I dreamed about this,” he says. “Every night. I was afraid I'd forget your touch. Afraid I’d forget how it feels to be inside of you.”

You whimper, hips pressing forward instinctively. That alone makes him groan like you’re torturing him.

“I need you,” he says suddenly, dragging his mouth across your collarbone, leaving trails of blooming bruises. “I can’t wait, baby. I need you.” he whines, deprived and desperate.

“Take me,” you plead as you grind against him.

He undresses the both of you like a man possessed. Belt clattering to the floor, robes kicked aside, cock flushed, thick, and leaking at the tip as he shoves his pants down just enough.

He doesn’t waste time teasing, just pushes in deep with a sudden thrust. His head falls into your shoulder as he groans and just stays buried inside you, murmuring your name like it's holy.

Like loving you is the only thing he's ever needed and he's on his knees for it, buried in you like it's salvation.

Your legs are trembling from how full you feel when he says, "You’re clenching like you missed this. Missed me. Is that it, sweet girl?"

You nod against him, breath caught, arms wrapped around his shoulders like you never want to let go.

And then he starts to move.

It's really slow at first, mostly because he's making sure to reach as deep as possible when he rolls his hips forward. Like he wants to fuck your soul, not just your body. “So pretty like this… so wet for me… fuck, baby…”

He laces his fingers with yours, pinning both of your wrists above your head as he moves inside you with aching rhythm, eyes locked to yours.

He drives into you with ruthless precision, your dripping pussy clenching around him. The sounds between your bodies are obscene and wet, your legs shake while your mouth falls open.

Babbling incoherently now, you're barely able to take it. And he absolutely loves it.

Seeing you flushed and undone under him, Anakin moans, slowing his thrusts just long enough to lean down. His gloved fingers cradling your jaw while his eyes drink you in.

“Stars,” he whispers, voice hoarse, almost gone. “Look at you.”

A broken sound escapes your throat again as your head falls back, eyes fluttering. Your body’s too full, too sensitive.

You feel destroyed, wrecked, and you know he can see it. He brushes your cheek and the corner of your lips with his fingertips, gentle in a way that makes your chest ache.

Because even now, even like this, Anakin is still so tender with you. His expression is molten and dark with hunger. Yet, it's so soft and loving, as if he can’t decide whether to ruin you completely or stay like this forever, just watching you fall apart for him.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” he pants, voice ragged. “Gonna fill you up. Will you let me?” He asks. But it's not really a question at this point, more like a promise.

All you can do is moan, arching your hips up to meet him, mouth still parted in gutteral cries. You come hard, clenching around him. He kisses you through it, swallowing your cries as he keeps fucking into you, desperate to reach his own release.

“Say it,” he breathes into you, hoarse and pleading. “Say you’re mine. Say you missed me.”

“I’m yours,” you gasp, fingernails dragging down his back. “Always, Anakin. I’m yours, I miss—”

He slams into you, cutting off the words, rhythm starting to falter. You feel it as his thrusts grow uneven and erratic and he's cursing under his breath. His face contorts and he groans through clenched teeth as he finally comes, thick and hot inside of you.

But he doesn’t stop pounding until he’s completely spent, until it’s leaking out around him.

━━━━⊱︎⊰━━━━

Afterwards, there's a long moment where neither of you move. Just the sound of your breaths echoing throughout the apartment. Shaky, uneven, like you’ve both been through something you barely survived.

His weight eases over you while your legs remain lazily draped around his waist. He’s still inside you, softening slowly. His breath hot and shallow against your throat.

The galaxy feels blurred at the edges, dazed and dreamlike.

Your thighs tremble with every little shift in movement. Your chest rises and falls unevenly as you blink up at the ceiling, lips starting to tremble.

It hits you then, he's really home.

Anakin senses it, the shift in your breath, the way your lip starts to wobble. So he lifts himself just enough to look down at you. There's something soft in his gaze—like he knows exactly what you’re feeling.

“Oh, sweet girl…” he whispers before leaning in to kiss your cheek, your eyelids, your nose. Your eyes flutter shut from the sensation and he gingerly brushes your hair back.

His voice is sweet and doting now, “I missed you so much. I don’t think I can leave you ever again.”

You smile. Mostly because you know he has to leave again soon. Of course you do. He’s bound by duty—by the war, the cause, the robes he never fully gets to take off.

But right now, none of that matters.

Not with the way he’s holding you while his come is still warm inside you. Not with his mouth trailing over your collarbone like he’s relearning the shape of you.

He’s here.

And he’s yours.

And that’s enough, for now.

“C-Can’t feel my legs,” you mumble.

He grins.

Actually grins. Boyish, flushed and handsome.

It's then in his smile that a flicker of a memory comes back to you. The first time you ever met him, both of you years younger, standing awkwardly in the Temple courtyard. He’d smiled at you then like this too—cocky, sun-warm, all dimples and promise.

“Good,” he says proudly.

You shove at him half-heartedly, and he chuckles again before slowly, carefully pulling out. You whimper when your hips twitch at the sudden emptiness and soreness. He gently hushes you.

“I know, I know,” he coos. “You’re sensitive. It’s okay. I’ve got you, baby.”

You’re so fucked out you can’t move. So, he moves for you. He kisses your stomach, your thighs, your knees.

Then he disappears from the bed, rummaging around for a moment before returning to clean you up. He runs the damp fabric between your legs with maddening care, cooing every time you flinch or whine.

“Look at you,” he murmurs. “Still dripping for me.”

“Anakin!” your cheeks flush as you throw your arm over your eyes.

“What?” he says innocently, pressing a kiss to your hip. “Just admiring my beautiful wife. All full and spent and pretty… Do you want me to run you a bath? Or should I tuck you in? Did you eat already?”

Your mouth opens to answer but he’s already climbing back onto the bed, settling behind you, pulling you into his lap. Your legs go limp over his thighs. “Ani, you're not serious—”

“Oh, I’m serious,” he says, voice low and teasing now. “I’ve got you exactly where I want you. Might keep you like this forever.”

You lean into him, humming as your head falls back on his shoulder. “You're ridiculous.”

Anakin places a kiss on the top of your head as he massages your hips slowly. "I'm in love." he responds casually, like it's the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

[chowadoe]

my Metamy kid!! his name is Dusty Rose :D ft. single mom Amy Rose and Absentee baby daddy metal sonic LOL

his name's Dusty Rose after Dusty Miller, a plant that looks like metal/silver. Dusty Rose is also a pink color ! it also rhymes with Rusty Rose. im so smart (/j)

born from Metal Sonic's core and infused with Amy's biosignature, Amy and Metal Sonic had a very brief 'thing'... eventually Metal Sonic was soft rebooted and sent away yet again, but he left a piece of himself (part of his 'core'? infused with chaos energy..?) to Amy, which then became Dusty. leaving Dusty as the last true remaining testament of their love

(I just love the idea of Amy with a Waitress style character arc... finding love again in raising her child and not the way she used to think, being spent with another person)

Dusty would be very fixated on the idea of love, after all his mother raised him on the notion of that. Amy's standards for true love and fairytale romance have definitely changed being with Metal Sonic, but the root message being that love is all encompassing and transformative.

He was 'created' to look like Mobian, and Amy treats him no differently than any other Mobian/human. Still, he believes that he should hide all the parts that 'other' him from society, which means his robot parts. (legwarmers!)

He's got a bit of a bad boy edge to him LOLLL i kind of created him that he'd be an emo kid. (fall out boy.. my chemical romance.. a bit of IDKHow) really good at electric guitar and part of a band. eventually he finds his passion is in lyric-writing (all those love stories and inheriting his mother's gift for writing love letters)

he often wonders what a beating heart is like, as someone without one. he's interested in the heartbeats and the pulses of others, but he is a total sweetheart himself.. still, even to other mobians unaware that he is an android (a weapon at that), it's still a little off-putting..

more abt him belolow

Dusty's core is already made/designed after Amy's biosignature, and in meeting other people, he's able to read their biodata and stash it into an archive, but he doesn't reproduce it onto himself. (though unsure if he could? either his code has a blockade or he chooses not to)

Dusty, additional to his stash of weapons, has the ability to shift too like his papa... become something similar to Metal Overlord but not entirely... like a half robot dragon boy or smth.. IF he's under the right conditions to have it pulled out of him. or something

Dusty DOES "grow" up. basically, he's an inorganic being whose core is trying to emulate/copy the growth progression of other organic beings.

As it would grow in size (and Dusty's cognition "matures"), his mother and her friends would modify as needed to adjust his frame, etc, but rarely were things ever replaced. Like a mollusk, its shell growing in size- but one needing accommodations. A heart bigger than its own body that threatens to spill- a chick that has outgrown its shell, well before its expected date- needing modifications to keep it inside and protected

Metal Sonic and Amy would have something profound-- one of those tragic, star-crossed enemies-to-lovers dark fantasy romance stories Amy's always loved to read about- but then having it play in real time and having to come to terms with the real world implications of actually having one. It's just that- a fantasy. and metal sonic would grapple with the ideas of love, which i think would be inherently dark and a little possessive given his upbringing-- but what him and Amy have would be sweet at the very core of it. so him giving a piece of his core that reads and adapts to Amy's biosignature and oops... accidental baby....

Dusty finds himself drawn to music. his mom and dad couldn't quite communicate love language physically (with Metal Sonic's claws and his lack of mouth) so I hc that Amy taught Metal Sonic how to hum and sing and communicate their love through music and vocalizations (which carried onto Dusty)

4th pic is Dusty doing breathing exercises with his mama... Dusty gets embarrassed super easily so him and Amy would regularly do breathing exercises so he doesn't overheat like a PC

[karmavongrim]

Field Trip to my Heart fanfic idea

One of my favorite stories to read are those of Casper High class on a field trip somewhere and causing havoc in their wake. In almost all of them there’s a common rule of “no raising the dead” which I find hilarious, and I got an idea for my own take on this trope.

DPxDC AU where the Casper High class are now in Casper University (these kids are Amity Parkers through and through so every other place is too tame for them so they ain’t leaving their turf), their ages ranging from 18 to 19. Danny and his grew (which composes their entire class now) are casually sight seeing when le gasp! What do we have here: a hulking revenant Red Hood. Just the perfect match for their sad single twink halfa who seems to be incapable of catching himself a decent partner! Operation ‘Get their twink a love life’ is a go!!

P.S. I was watching Lady and the Tramp movie while writing this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Hood has experienced many things in his life; he’s done many things, most of them which he’s not proud of. But out of all the bullshit his fucked up existence has thrown at him, this might just take the proverbial cake. He was doing his rounds without any issues on a very quiet night, which should have already raised some flags. Gotham was being too quiet, at least on his side of the city when it happened. He was ambushed from all sides and packed pretty easily without him getting even a glimpse of the perpetrators. Only thing he managed to do was press the emergency button!

Since his captors have shoved a back over his head he couldn’t see them, but he could hear them as could rest of the bats.

“The fuck is the deal!? Where are you taking me?” he demanded.

A female voice had answered him, and he could make out a clear mid-western accent mix in with a Spanish one.

“Oh don’t get your helmet in a twist lover boy~ You’ll find out soon enough.”

And so here he is now.

Sitting on a chair free of his restraints, seemingly having a candle lit dinner in an allay way decked out in fairy lights, softly scented candles, flower petals; really, the whole shebang. On the one other seat across the clothed table sits a well dressed twink. He can’t see what he looks like exactly since he’s hiding his face in his hands.

And if things couldn’t get any weirder, an older teen with glasses and curly hair walks to them with an accordion along with a burly asian carrying a guitar, both dressed to the nines. The accordionist starts to play and- no fucking way…

When it registers what the two boys- men? are playing and singing, his coms start to flood with laughter and hooting. It’s the fucking song from Lady and the Tramp movie.

Red Hood, or rather Jason is so confounded that he doesn’t do much other than nod in thanks when a blond chick comes in with some italian pasta. The twink mumbles something and curls further in on himself. Jason just stares; was he seriously kidnapped (rather efficiently he has to admit) for a date of all things? He allows himself relax a smidgen since it appears he wasn’t brought here out of malice.

Alright, focus and take stock of the situation. These kids seemed to be older than high schoolers, and they have some training under their belt if they were able to get a drop on him in his own territory. The bats share some of their own tidbits they’ve been able to gather from tailing these particular teens. Apparently their here on a three day field trip from Illinois and have been causing mayhem ever since they’ve arrived. Tim’s caffeine infused theory is that they are magic users from a magic school that taught necromancy which Jason chooses to ignore indefinitely.

The twink finally raises his head and Jason stills.

Oh, oh no.

He’s not just a twink.

He’s a really pretty twink.

No, focus and catalog!

They have raven black hair that is playfully tousled, making him look even younger than his short slim build already does. His ivory skin is dusted with freckles like decoration help bring out his big doe eyes, and oh those eyes, like baby blue sapphires frames perfectly by dark luscious lashes. He wonders if those rose petal lips would taste like-

No! No, bad Jason! Bad!

The poor boy, all blushing and overwhelmed apologizes, “I’m so sorry Mr. Hood! I-I told them not to do anything drastic since I don’t need a boyfriend o-or partner, but they won’t listen!”

The asian dude intersects from the side, “Of course we won’t. Otherwise you’ll never get a date who isn’t a back stabbing brick or world conquering megalomaniac like your creepy uncle Vlad.”

“Were are doing this for your sake Danny!” shouts the curly haired boy.

Okay, ignoring those concerning remarks for now Jason turns back to the pretty twink named Danny.

He smirks “So… this happens often?”

Danny groans and blushes more all the way to his ears, “Only twice before thankfully. I mean I appreciate that they want me to be happy but… after all my past relationships I’ve gotten in terms with the fact that I might never find someone right for me; after all who would want a half dead guy like me as their boyfriend.”

Jason’s heart kinda breaks at the resigned smile forming on those soft lips. He can hear Stephanie cry vehement denials and righteous encouragements trough the link.

“Hey now, don’t say that. You seem like a nice guy so it’s their own fault for not seeing the beaut that you are. Hands down this has been most pleasant kidnapping I’ve experienced so far.”

Jason smirks when he sees Danny blush even more at his complement, while ignoring Damian’s demands to seize fraternizing with the other party.

“And since were both here why not make most of it. Care to tell some about yourself?”

Danny shifts a bit and thinks, “Umm… Well, I should probably introduce myself since it’s kinda my fault your here; I’m Danny Fenton and I study engineering at Casper University. I really like space and astronomy, I also like animals and volunteer at the local zoo and animal shelter when I can. And I’ve also started to take interest in reading, mostly sci-fi and murder mysteries.”

So far so good, he thinks as he discreetly looks the other over. He says he’s in university but-

“Quick question: how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?”

Please be legal, please be legal, please be legal-

“Oh, I’m eighteen soon to be nineteen.”

Thank fuck.

“What about you? I can you tell about yourself, it doesn’t have to be anything too personal with secret identities and all. I actually used to be a teen hero before going fully public so I understand.”

Jason blinks. The coms are silent.

“What do you-”

His words die on his tongue when pair of gloved hands grip Danny’s shoulders. Green rage fills his vision when he seen the face of the monster that plagues this city. The Joker.

He growls and craps his gun.

“Well what do we have here? Couple of love birds~” comes a grating voice right above Danny, causing him to turn around.

He screams and throws a punch.

The Pit Rage coursing through Jason’s veins that was demanding him to attack, to kill, to protect, to take-Danny-and-never-let-go came to a freezing halt. He watches in awe as his gorgeous twink decks the clown fucker in the face, eliciting a satisfying crack. Joker goes flying in beautiful arch and lands on his neck.

They all watch his limp form. He doesn’t rise.

“Damn it, not again. Third one in two months, hopefully this time they won’t seek compensation.” One their musicians mutters.

Danny turns back to him and begins to ramble and gesture with his bloodied hand, “O-Oh gosh! I’m so sorry, please don’t tell Batman! I don’t want him to kick us out just yet; I haven’t gotten to visit the planetarium yet.”

Welp, now Jason knows where to take Danny on their second date. He takes his helmet off as his siblings yell at him but he doesn’t care about that, all he cares about wooing the fuck out of this murder twink. He fixes his hair a bit and leans on the table, giving his most charming smile.

“Never dream of it. Anyway~ ever read Jane Austen?”

In his opinion the name Jason Fenton has a nice ring to it.

[starlightsalvatore]

hunger / damon salvatore x reader

i'm back !!! I needed to write a damon one-shot while I work on a new fic and this just tumbled right out of me lol

hunger / damon salvatore x reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: everything??? drinking, swearing, blood sharing, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected p-in-v, a tiny bit of degradation?? this is self indulgant filth, seriously 18+ mdni

You ran a hand through your hair as you walked back and forth, unsure of what else to do with the restless energy surging through your system as you tried to fight one of your most basic, primal urges… hunger. Your fingers drummed against your thigh as you tried to focus on anything else, find something in your brain worth occupying your mind and switching course from the visuals running through your head. Your recent transition had been a shock to everyone, and Stefan had you on a tight leash to keep you in check… and you’d been on board, at first. You never wanted to cause harm, to be the reason someone else’s life ended, but with the itch in your veins threatening to undo you completely you couldn’t really find it in you to care anymore.

You heard your door push open and your head snapped up to see Damon walking in, two glasses and a bottle in his hand with an unamused expression, “if you don’t knock it off I’m going to have to replace the floor,” he said, setting everything on the dresser before pouring two generous cups of bourbon. 

“Not now, Damon,” you sighed, ignoring him entirely as your feet remained on course.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked and you shook your head.

“Not really,” you said as he shoved a glass in your hand, his eyes telling you to drink which you did… all in one gulp and he was a little surprised as he took it to refill. 

“Well, something’s gotta give,” he replied as you finished the second as quickly as the first. “At this rate the bottle will be gone in a minute and I’m not replacing original flooring.” He gripped your shoulders, halting your movements and you huffed, looking up at him.

“I’m hungry, Damon,” you said, as if it pained you to do so and he furrowed his brow.

“The freezer is full- oh,” he cut himself off, realizing that’s not what you meant as a smirk spread across his features. “You want your blood at 98.6,” he said and you rolled your eyes, pushing him off you.

“Will you cut it out?” You poured another glass, hoping at some point the alcohol would subdue your cravings but you knew that was about as likely as him leaving you alone, so you tried another angle. “I can’t… Damon, the blood bags aren’t doing it for me, I can’t think, I can’t sleep… will you please take me out?” For a moment you thought he’d say yes, revel in the opportunity to feed with abandon with someone else, but it wasn’t that easy.

“No can do, sweetheart,” he replied and your brows pinched. “I’ve got enough on my plate without you losing control and giving me more bodies to deal with.” He was right, there was too much going on and you spinning out wasn’t an option, but that didn’t make it any easier of an answer to tolerate. He gave you a once over, it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to take you out… he would have loved to, but you were new and he knew you could eventually get to where he was, one day you’d be able to feed and leave them alive with no memory of what had happened, but that day wasn’t today, you had a long way to go and he couldn’t afford to have you slip up.

But… he couldn’t afford to have you slip up. One look told him you were wound tight, the diet Stefan had you on was restrictive, never enough to fully satisfy, and the less you drank the tighter you spun, threatening a catastrophic snap he could only assume was looming on the horizon with how frustrated you looked right now. He ran through his options, knowing letting you sit in this hunger any longer would result in a much bigger problem, but the only thing he could think of posed another set of issues and would lead to him teetering on the edge instead of you.

He let out a sigh, closing the distance between you and plucking the glass from your hands to discard on the dresser and you looked up at him questioningly, the invasion of space catching you by surprise. His normally bright eyes were dark and swimming with something you couldn’t understand, deep blue pools you found yourself getting lost in as you waited for him to say something. “You need to feed,” he said and your eyes fluttered shut just at the thought.

“I need to feed,” you whispered and he nodded, catching your chin between his fingers and forcing your head back up when you tried to look down and the action had your breath catching somewhere in your throat. 

“You still haven’t felt it, have you?” he asked, voice low and you shuddered. “What it’s like to sink your teeth into something…” you shook your head, Stefan hadn’t allowed you to drink anything that didn’t come from a cup. “Poor thing,” he chuckled, he could feel the tension radiating off you in waves, you were practically shaking beneath him as you fought to retain your grip on your sanity, on your control.

“Damon,” you sighed, eyes pleading and he just smiled as he gripped your hand and brought it up to his neck, the pulse beneath your fingers driving you wild. 

“When you feed you have to be careful… if you bite just along here,” he said, dragging your fingers along the vein, “you can control the flow. It doesn’t have to be messy,” he explained and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the subtle way his skin moved with each beat of his heart, the sight bringing the veins beneath your eyes to the surface, your fangs descending.

“Don’t fight it,” he said, noticing you trying to rein it in, and you were having a hard time focusing on anything with the way his hands were trailing up your arms, pulling you closer. “Go on,” he tilted his head just slightly, “give it a try.” he encouraged and this pulled your focus, eyes snapping to his as you tried to ascertain if he was being serious. You had a lot left to learn, but blood sharing was personal, and you knew that… but all you saw in those dark blue eyes was a fire simmering beneath the surface you were sure was a mirror image of your own.

You slowly reached onto your tiptoes, as if he were a deer in the woods threatening to startle and bolt, but the closer you got the harder it was to resist, anticipation burning through your veins at the prospect of giving in. Your fangs were tentative as they broke the skin just where he’d indicated, but the first drop of blood immediately made you feel dizzy and intoxicated… It wasn't enough. You quickly grew feverish, your hand wrapping around his throat as you surged forward, crashing into the wall behind you and he let out a grunt as his back collided with the hard surface, pinned in place as you fed.

“There you go… that’s it,” he said, leaning back as he relaxed and let you take what you needed. His arm snaked around your waist while a hand brushed the hair from your face, cradling the back of your head as warm blood radiated through your body. A soft groan fell from his lips as you drank from him, and the sound elicited an unexpected reaction from you, your hand tightening around his throat and your body pushing flush against his and despite everything in you telling you to continue, you forced yourself back knowing if you didn’t stop you’d bleed him dry. 

Your eyes were wild and satisfied as they met his, and he dragged his thumb across your bottom lip, collecting the remnants and you were almost surprised when your lips wrapped around him, ensuring you didn’t waste a single drop. His smirk returned when he felt your tongue slide across his skin, “better?” he asked and you nodded, keeping him in your mouth for maybe a second longer than you needed to. The air was charged between you, you’d just crossed a line in the sand and you wanted to push a little further, go a little farther… 

Part of him knew he should put an end to this… stop before it went any further. He knew it before he’d even offered up a vein for you, he knew as soon as he did he’d be teetering on this ledge and he didn’t have that much self control when it came to you. Perhaps, if he really analyzed the situation, he knew somewhere in the back of his mind why you’d been so worked up, he knew what you needed and instead of letting you wreak havoc on the blood cooler he let you push him against a wall and take what you wanted, he let you feed from him in the most intimate way he could think of. 

And when you were looking up at him like that, eyes mischievous and holding an unspoken challenge with his blood still on your plump lips, who was he to resist? Your chest was heaving with anticipation as you waited for him to do something, anything, and the movement was so fast you almost didn’t register his hand curling around your throat, flipping you around and slamming you against the wall with such force you were sure you’d be dead if you were human. Your gasp of surprise was swallowed by his mouth on yours, searing and frenzied as he connected your lips and kissed you with a hunger that rivaled your own only moments ago. 

You both fought for dominance, neither one of you willing to submit just yet but you were outmatched… he grabbed your wandering hands and pinned them above your head, grip so tight you whined as he kissed down your neck, biting into you the same way you’d done with him and you couldn’t help the moan that fell from your lips as he did. Your hips rolled forward and feeling his hardening length against you gave you the surge of confidence you needed to break your hands free, sliding down his chest to pull his shirt apart, buttons flying and clattering against the floor as you pushed the fabric over his shoulders. 

His lips were greedy across the expanse of your chest as he nipped and sucked the soft skin, tearing your shirt to shreds as he pulled it from you, a mess of fabric in your wake as you surged forward and pushed him into the wall opposite you, regaining your upper hand. Glass shattered on the floor around you as the force rattled the dresser but you couldn’t find it in you to care what had broken as your hands pulled his belt free, fingers quickly undoing the button as you sank to the floor and pulled his jeans with you.

His length stood erect in front of you and you were quick to take him in your mouth, focusing your tongue on his swollen tip as your hand worked what didn’t fit, and you couldn’t help but moan around him at the groan that fell from his lips, “such a good girl,” he cooed, his sweet words undercut by the harsh hand in your hair gripping and pulling you closer, forcing you to gag around him and the sensation had his head falling back against the wall. Tears sprung to your eyes at the sharp pain in your scalp and the way he was hitting the back of your throat, but all you could focus on was the throbbing between your thighs and he didn’t miss the way you clenched them together, desperate for friction. 

You were quickly on your back, too caught up in the moment to bother moving to the bed and you pushed glass aside as he settled between your legs, tearing your underwear off and diving in like a man starved and you could feel his smirk against you at your surprised moan, head hitting the floor as your back arched in pleasure. He switched between your clit and your entrance, not giving either attention long enough to give you what you really needed, and you whined as your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging harshly.

“Damon, please,” you sighed, hips bucking against his face and he focused his attention on your sensitive bundle of nerves, tongue expertly working you up as you shamelessly moaned his name. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew with the way you kept slamming each other against walls and the floor, the breaking glass, and the sounds falling from both your lips someone might come to make sure you were alright, but you couldn’t find it in you to care… not when he felt as good as he did between your legs. 

Your moan changed in pitch when he slid two fingers into your entrance and it went straight to his cock, his head swimming as he watched you come close to falling apart above him. When he crooked his fingers just so your grip in his hair tightened, pulling him closer as you started to grind against him, “fuck, just like-” you were cut off by your own moan when he started massaging that spot inside you, legs trembling as you careened off the ledge. His touches remained merciless as pure euphoria surged through your veins, your head cloudy as your body trembled. 

“So fucking beautiful,” he muttered against you, kissing his way up your body and you tugged him closer to reconnect your lips, tongues swirling against each other as you tasted yourself on him. His hands felt greedy and possessive as they roamed over you, gripping tight enough to leave bruises that would heal before they even had a chance to form, and it was as if neither of you could get enough. You pushed forward, tugging him up with you and all but throwing him onto the bed and his smirk was devilish as he watched you crawl on top of him.

He looked like he was about to say something but you didn’t give him the opportunity as you kissed him, rough and demanding as your hips settled above his, hand reaching between you to line him up at your entrance and you both let out groans as you took him inch by inch. The stretch was sweet, filling you almost to your breaking point as you settled fully and started to roll your hips against him, shuddering at the feeling.

“Fuck,” he moaned as you started to bounce up and down, setting an unforgiving pace and you felt like you could feel him everywhere, every nerve ending radiating with fire. He sat up to wrap his arms around you, hips bucking to meet yours in a way that had your head rolling back and he took the opportunity to sink his teeth into your neck and you had never felt pleasure like this before. His hand was firm around your throat as your body shook with each thrust and soon you were boneless in his lap, only able to hold yourself upright as he drank you in. 

When he pulled back you licked along his lips, face changing at the taste of blood and he swore he’d never seen anything sexier. Neither of you was going to last much longer, not like this, and he delivered a rough smack to your ass that had you whining and rolling against him. “Oh my god,” you breathed out, letting your forehead fall against his and he smacked again, gripping the tender skin, “Damon-” you tried, but nothing would come out.

“What’s that, sweetheart?” he teased, gripping your hair and pulling you back to look at him, “oh, look at you… all cock drunk and fucked out,” he teased and you had nothing to say as a firm thrust had you seeing stars. You buried your face in his neck, fangs sinking into his skin as you felt your release barreling towards you, the mixture of blood and his steady thrusts too much to bear and a streak of red trailed down your body as you came, only able to shout his name as you cried out.

Your grip on him was maddening, pulling him right over the edge with you as you milked him for everything he had, and when you both slowed to a stop you were having a hard time catching your breath, your mind floating somewhere above you as you tried to return to your body. You felt his tongue along your chest, cleaning up your mess as you leaned back and he tried to commit the sight to memory… your hair wild, cheeks flushed, and skin dewy as blood lingered along your skin. 

You still weren’t fully with him, stuck in a haze as you felt him whisk you into his bedroom, and into the bathroom and it wasn’t until you were under the stream of water with him that you hummed contently against his lips as he kissed you softly, “there she is,” he chuckled.

His hands were delicate as they roamed you, and yours slid down the front of his chest as you looked up at him, doe eyed and happy. “That was…” you trailed off, unsure of what word to use to fully sum it up and he placed another soft kiss on your lips.

“Everything you ever dreamed of?” he provided and you laughed as you swatted his chest. 

“Hush,” you replied, feigning annoyance but you didn’t have it in you to feel anything other than bliss. The rest of your shower was spent with wandering hands and sweet kisses, a stark contrast to how rough and domineering you’d been with each other and when he pulled you into bed and wrapped himself around you, you looked up at him as your fingers trailed along his chest absentmindedly.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, and you flushed slightly under his gaze.

“It was more than I dreamed of,” you answered, and he raised a brow in question. “I haven’t… I hadn’t done that since turning, I didn’t know it could be like that,” you explained and realization passed over his features.

“My god,” he chuckled, “no wonder you were wound so tight.” His hand on your back was comfortable, holding you tight against him as he rubbed soothingly, “we’ll go on a little trip this weekend,” he said as you rested your head on his chest.

“A trip?” 

You felt him nod, “away from all the chaos here… we’ll find you some warm bodies and I’ll teach you how to do it the right way, you don’t have to live a life of blood bags forever.” 

“I don’t know, you seemed to do the trick,” you teased and he laughed.

“Sweetheart, you have no idea what you’re missing.” 

[xoxolaw]

+ 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗥 𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗬

in which a quiet visit to her room turns into something else entirely. Hyun-tak finds her diary, and with it, the truth he never saw coming.

+ 𝗚𝗢 𝗛𝗬𝗨𝗡-𝗧𝗔𝗞 𝗫 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥

CH 5 , CH 6

✎ᝰ.ᐟ⋆⑅˚₊

March 14th, 2025

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened recently. And by a lot, I literally mean a lot! Everything feels too loud and too heavy — and I think my heart’s been sitting outside my body this whole week, because I can feel it bruise every time I breathe.

Hyun-tak got injured.

Badly.

I don’t even know how to explain it without my hands shaking. His leg — his knee — it got injured during a fight. With Seong-je.

I hate him so much! I swear to god, if I was strong enough I would have beaten him. If only I didn't get bored of taekwondo and quit just after a few months as a kid.

But I guess taekwondo also doesn't help much against people who like to play dirty. Seong-je was just looking for a reason to be cruel again — because that’s what he does, right? That’s what he is. A mean, mocking, overgrown bully who doesn’t know when to stop.

I don't know how to even write it. Hyun-Tak loves taekwondo so much. That's like his second personality or maybe even the only personality he has. But turns out... He won't be able to continue anymore.

It means everything to him. When I saw him lying on that hospital bed — hooked to IVs, hair a mess, his eyes fluttering open with that foggy kind of pain — I swear, Diary, I wanted to scream. Not cry — scream.

And when the doctor said, “We’ll need scans to confirm, but there’s a chance he won’t be able to compete again,”

my vision blurred.

Just like that. A chance. Like his dreams were a coin toss now.

Geum. Seong. Je.

I hate him.

I hate him.

I don’t care if hate is a strong word — it doesn’t even feel strong enough right now.

But I saw the look in Seong-je’s eyes when I found him afterward, leaning against the school gate like nothing happened — like Hyun-tak wasn’t lying in a hospital bed, trying not to cry in front of his mother.

He smirked, Diary.

He looked at me and smirked.

So I lost it.

I don’t even remember what I said — it all came out in a blur of tears and fury and shaking fists. I screamed at him. Shoved him. Told him he was a mockery of everything good in this world. That he was cruel and small and rotten to the core.

I told him that if he ever touched Hyun-tak again, I’d make sure he wouldn’t be able to walk either.

And do you know what he said?

He said,

"Calm down, princess. It’s not like your precious Gotak died."

I nearly slapped him.

No.

I should have slapped him.

But instead I walked away — because if I hadn’t, I think I would’ve broken. Not him. Me.

Because this whole thing has broken something in me.

I visited the hospital that night. He wasn't in his bed so I panicked a little. But then the nurse told me that he went up to the rooftop. My feet practically flew up the stairs.

He was sitting near the edge, hunched over with his hood up, one knee bent, the other stretched out and wrapped in bandages. The wind was cold. Too cold. But he wasn’t shivering.

He looked like he belonged to the night sky.

I stood there for a while. Just watching him from the stairwell door. He didn’t see me. His back looked... small. I don’t know how to explain it.

He’s taller than me, stronger than me in every way — but in that moment, he looked like a kid again. Like the boy who used to climb trees and then freeze halfway down because he was scared to fall.

I walked over slowly. He didn’t look at me.

So I sat beside him. Not too close — just enough that he’d know I was there. He looked at me. Then he said, “You didn’t have to come.”

But I did. God, I did. What was he even talking about?? If I didn't come, then who would??

Dumbass.

I wanted to tell Hyun-tak that it wasn’t fair. That he didn’t deserve this. That he didn’t have to pretend like it didn’t hurt.

But I didn’t say any of those things. We sat in silence until I heard some sniffs.

At first, I thought maybe the wind had made his nose cold, or maybe I imagined it. But then I saw the way his hand moved — just a little — like he was trying to wipe his face without letting me see.

And my heart cracked right there.

Because Hyun-tak doesn’t cry.

Not in front of people. Not even me.

He always acts like he’s too tough for that. Always shrugs everything off with that familiar “Tch,” like feelings are just something you can kick out of the way and keep walking.

But tonight, he couldn’t hide it.

And I think that broke me more than anything.

I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to embarrass him. I just reached over and — very slowly — rested my hand over his, the one he’d used to wipe his face.

He flinched a little.

Then he turned his face away.

But he didn’t move his hand.

He let me hold it.

Just like that.

His fingers curled a little, like maybe he was holding on back.

We didn’t look at each other. I didn’t need to see his face to know what was happening. That silence? It said more than any words could’ve. I could feel the weight of it — the grief, the loss, the anger — the fear that maybe, this time, he couldn’t just brush it off and keep going.

He whispered something. I’m not even sure I heard it right.

“I don’t know who I am… if I’m not doing this.”

And that’s when I wanted to cry.

Because I know who he is.

He’s the boy who stood up for kids getting bullied. He’s the one who always walked me home even when I said I was fine. He’s the one who gave me his scarf and the better half of his lunch. He’s the one who always showed up, even when he didn’t say he would. He’s Hyun-tak.

And I wanted to say all of that.

But the words just stayed in my throat.

So instead, I gave his hand a squeeze.

And that was it. That was all I could do.

Sometimes I wish I could do more.

But maybe that was enough.

I love you, Hyun-Tak.

-Y/N

(hoping to someday tell him everything I have been holding back)

✎ᝰ.ᐟ⋆⑅˚₊

Hyun-tak sat frozen.

The page hadn’t moved. His eyes hadn’t blinked. His thumb trembled faintly on the edge of the paper, holding it open like it might slip away from him if he let go for even a second.

That last line. It hit him like she’d whispered it into his ear. He could hear her voice in his head—quiet, steady, so close it made his chest ache.

His hand instinctively moved down, resting lightly on his right knee—the one still stiff under his jeans, the one the doctors kept talking about like it wasn’t part of him anymore.

He remembered that night. Not the hospital walls or the IV lines. But her.

How she’d looked under the pale rooftop lights. Her expression trying to stay calm, but her fingers were gripping his hand too tightly. He remembered thinking she was warm. So warm.

And wondering if it was okay to lean into that.

He hadn’t let himself.

Not then.

And maybe not now either, because his heart was thudding so loud it felt like it was caught in his throat.

He had to swallow hard, lips parting like he was about to say something—even though there was no one to hear it. Just the silence of her room, the faint rustle of a curtain, and her words. Her truth, pressed between paper and ink.

And suddenly, all the quiet memories started screaming:

The way she used to mimic taekwondo stances behind the teacher’s back — all elbows and bad posture — just to make him laugh.

How she always looked at him during tournaments, never at the scoreboard.

The time she ran after his bike with a bandaid because he scraped his palm falling, yelling, “It’s pink but it still works!!”

The way she always sat next to him. Always.

How her hand fit inside his jacket sleeve when it got too cold.

And how he always noticed.

He’d brush it off, like it didn’t mean anything. Like it was just habit.

Like she was just habit.

But now…

He let out a shaky breath and rubbed his face with both hands, like that could slow the spinning in his head. His fingers dragged through his hair, then dropped, landing back on the diary.

So many pages.

All of them about him.

Every word from her younger self to now — it was him.

Him in the margins, him in the moments, him in the in betweens.

His chest tightened.

Because—

Maybe he had, too.

Without even realizing it.

Without ever saying it.

He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. The softness of her pillow behind him. The golden glow of her lamp.

Everything here had her warmth.

And it overwhelmed him.

He closed the diary carefully, this time not because he was done reading—but because he was too full.

His palm hovered over the cover for a moment before pressing down like it needed to be held.

Because he was scared of what would happen if he opened another page and saw more.

And even more scared of what would happen if he didn’t.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath, the smallest of cracks in his voice.

Then, after a pause, almost a whisper—

“…Why didn’t you just tell me?”

But even as he said it, he already knew the answer.

Because maybe…

he wouldn’t have been ready to hear it.

Not then.

Maybe not even now.

But he was listening now.

And the one thing he knew, clearer than anything else?

He didn’t want to lose her.

Not her voice.

Not her truth.

Not her.

+ 𝗔𝗨𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗥'𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘 + 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

I LOVE THIS SM 😭😭😭

+ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧

@keizvn @soobinbunnie5 @chaywkk @l5byrinth @inom17 @randomheyl @coffee-ii @mizxuqii @dna-black-and-blue @kyungjunnies @maxinehufflepuffprincess @deboizzzstay @coolasiangal123 @intoanothermind @satoru2716 @chenlegendj @changbinkisser @xh01bri @jww-sjzyeirie @thebatapex @itzcandy @ryeounistic @ruruyinn @ashayein @bblgeum @tojirin @lov3lylyn @urmazah

[moon-fics]

Movie Projections

Pairing: Bob Reynolds x Reader Summary: After finding an old projector, you decide to host movie nights in your room. Just for Bob. A/N: I wanted to write a short comfort.

"Wait, so the giant just eats metal from that guy's yard?" Bob interrupts the movie. Ever since finding a projector in the storage room, you've been having movie nights with him. You had to tweak the projector to be able to hook up to your computer, but it only took a few shocks.

You've found that pointing it up at your ceiling and lying on your bed is the most comfortable way to watch. Plus, you can be close to Bob the entire time and blame it on the small screen.

"Yes, he eats scrap metal. You're focusing on the wrong thing," You groan. Tonight, you've convinced him to watch the "Iron Giant", which you haven't seen since you were a kid. You don't remember most of the plot, but you wanted to relive your childhood for just a bit. "He's a giant robot who is friends with a child! He's like, super cool!" You point out.

"I'm not saying he isn't. I just find it weird he eats the same material he's made of," He shrugs. You roll your eyes and shush him. You can't hear the movie over his jokes, but you enjoy hearing his laugh. You try to find comedy movies to distract his brain, and oftentimes he falls asleep halfway through them.

"Listen, I'd prefer he eat metal instead of humans. That would be a bigger problem," You say. "He's just a kind robot who is judged too soon."

Bob turns his head to look at you. Half his face is pressed against the covers. You decide to return the favor by making eye contact with him. The projector gives him a twinkle in his eyes, and it makes them seem even softer. His lips are subtly turned upward, and you only see it during brighter moments of the movie.

"Do you think we could do this every night?" He asks in a soft tone. "I like being around you. I have fewer nightmares when I sleep here, and you don't tiptoe around me." He rubs his eye nervously. Even after spending so much time together he still worries about rejection.

"You can hang out here any time you want." You take his hand in yours. Physical affection is something that soothes him, but only from specific people. From the team, he enjoys hugs and being near them. With you, everything is on the table. You've cuddled, held hands, and even fallen asleep together. Anyone else outside that small circle is not as welcoming.

"You don't have to be so worried about intruding. You're welcome in my room whenever." You assure him. This warrants an approving grin.

He turns his focus back to the movie, and you didn't realize how much time had passed. The movie is almost over, and you realize why you hadn't rewatched it sooner. The Giant is blown up after a devastating reminder of his friendship with the boy.

You hear a sniffle and glance over to see tears forming in Bob's eyes. You're on high alert now and sit up to see him better. He's wiping his eyes before you can get a better look. He's aware you've caught on to him crying.

"Sorry, I just- the movie hit a bit close," He mumbles. His eyes and nose are red as tears continue to form in his eyes. He keeps swiping them away, and you know that won't stop them. "With the whole judging the giant off his appearance and then choosing who he wants to be," He chuckles through his cracking voice.

You gently take his wrists into your hands to stop him from rubbing his eyes. It forces him to look at you and realize you understand. Maybe tonight's choice wasn't the best.

"Well, I think you chose to be a better person," You hum. "No matter what you do, I will always see that."

He nods hesitantly and allows his tears to fall. There are only a few, but it's enough to calm him down. He sniffles one last time and then uses your grip on his arms to pull you down onto his chest. Without thinking twice, you wrap your arms under his shoulders to get as close as possible to him.

"You're a good person, Bob. Everyone on the team knows it, and soon the world will, too." You say against his sweater. You can smell his cologne on his sweater, and it makes your eyes feel heavy.

You let out a yawn and nuzzle your face against him to get comfortable. His hands wrap around your waist to keep you stable against him. You can hear his breathing, and it's a lullaby.

"We're definitely watching something with comedy in it tomorrow," He whispers.

"Oh, no, I agree. I don't think I can handle another movie where a character dies," You say. "Maybe we can watch 'La La Land'," You suggest. You haven't seen it yet, but from what you've had spoiled, it looks like a romance movie. Maybe it'll be more upbeat than "The Iron Giant".

"Whatever it is, I'll watch it as long as you're here," He says with a slurred speech. You can sense his body growing heavy as sleep calls to him. You slip one arm out from under him and reach for the projector. You shut it off, and the room goes dark.

---

You're sitting on your bed scrolling through movies to watch, because it turns out "La La Land" is not an uplifting story. Bob is sitting next to you with his head on your shoulder as he watches you scroll. You are on a mission to find a movie that won't shatter both your hearts.

You can sense something is off with him, but you're waiting for him to tell you first. Eventually, he pokes your thigh to get your attention. You stop scrolling and shift around to face him. With your full attention on him, his confidence has decreased.

"W-when I asked if we could do this every night, I, uh, I was kinda asking it to be more like..." He says sheepishly. "Like a date." He finishes his sentence. "I didn't know if you understood that, and by the time I was going to explain, I chickened out," His voice lowers the more he speaks.

It makes more sense that he asked such a question with romantic intent. You just assumed he was worried he'd be intruding or bothering you. His eyes flicker between you, and his hands fidget with the sheets.

"That can be arranged," You say. The moment you agree, his eyes light up like the moon. "Only if you start bringing snacks." You warn.

"Well, there goes the date idea," He fakes a sad expression as a taunt, but quickly returns to a smile. "I'll make sure to bring the snacks next time."

[puprdou]

give me the twst hcs, I might be getting into tr but you're not escaping twst while you're with me!! idk it can be malleus, leona, riddle, the tweels, idk, anyone will do 😒😒

m finally getting to this request wifey!!!! i’ll do the characters you listed then~ seriously i have not been in a writing mood big sighs...... m getting back into writing though i think^^ m just gonna do sfw ones cus you didn’t specify if you wanted smutty hcs or just sfw ones!!

imagine malleus draconia who just loves it when you touch his horns. he never lets anyone play with them, ever touch them, but when you do it, it feels utterly heavenly. he melts in your hands when your nimble fingers stroke the ridges, thumb pressing down on his forehead scales.

imagine malleus draconia who, when you wanted to paint his nails for the first time shortly after dating, had to tell you that his nails are just naturally black thanks to his draconian genes. this, however, only fueled your desire to paint little designs on them, which he let you do, of course.

imagine malleus draconia who’ll act more like a kitten than an intimidating dragon when he’s with you. the way he nuzzles his cheek against you, nearly purring at your little pets and headpats is the most adorable thing ever.

imagine malleus draconia who’s incredibly awkward at first, never really knowing what to do or if it was okay to get close. but, after awhile of dating, he eventually got clingier. and when i say clingier, i mean he clings to you like glue 24/7.

imagine leona kingscholar who can’t sleep unless your in his arms. by this, i mean whenever your in class, he will throw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and take you to his usual napping place in the garden so that he can sleep.

imagine leona kingscholar who gets grumpy whenever your laughing and smiling with the other boys at the school. he’ll growl at them, pouting and burying his face into your hair as his tail wrapped around your thigh, clinging to you. he’s a possessive little lion.

imagine leona kingscholar who loves it whenever you watch him train for spelldrive. he’ll make sure to show off and flex whilst training with ruggie and epel, just to hear your praise and recieve kisses afterwards for doing such a good job. does he do this on purpose only to act nonchalant afterwards? yes, yes he does.

imagine leona kingscholar who’ll buy you the prettiest clothes, and any kind of jewelry you could ever want. he especially loves buying you clothing styled from his hometown, as he personally thinks it looks beautiful of you. but, he’ll never match with you, no matter how much you beg, so it’s no worth asking.

imagine riddle rosehearts who loves when you feed her sweets made from trey. especially if the two of you are on a picnic on a no-school day, she’ll practically just wait as she sits so cutely on a picnic blanket, legs tucked under her for you to feed her.

imagine riddle rosehearts who sparkles so brightly whenever youre with her. it’s like she forgot all of her trauma, her entire past, whenever she looks into your eyes, shining with nothing but love for her. she feels safe when she’s with you.

imagine riddle rosehearts who always has to adjust your bow/tie before classes begin, and tidy up your uniform. sure, you had woken up late and were in a rush, but she forbid you to go to class looking like such a mess.

imagine riddle rosehearts who was unsure about recieving physical affection at first, since she had so little of it when she was young. she usually stiffened at the beginning of your reationship with physical affection, and she was quite stubborn in admitting she loves you.. but, deep down, she truly did, more than anything.

imagine floyd leech who gets pouty whenever your away, being forced to work at the lounge by azul instead of just being able to cuddle and suffocatingly cling to you for every second and every hour of the day. how can he possibly be without his shrimpy for so long?

imagine floyd leech who loves biting you. he says that its his way of showing his affection and his love for you, but in reality, you know its just because he loves seeing the marks he leaves all across your neck and your shoulders from his sharp teeth.

imagine floyd leech who pulls you into the water with him whenever he’s swimming, solely to see you soaked. he thinks you look like a wet cat, and he thinks it’s just adorable.

imagine floyd leech who loves sneaking up on you to scare you. he thinks its so funny, the way you jump and yell at him for scaring you, all flushed in the face and embarrassed all from a small ’boo!’

imagine jade leech who, for some reason, always has an eye on you. is it creepy? yes. does he care? no. you could just be in class, or maybe you could be in your dorm, or maybe at your clubroom, and he’ll just randomly appear behind you out of nowhere. it scares you each and every time, yet he finds it amusing.

imagine jade leech who, and don’t tell azul, but gives you anything you wish from the lounge for completely free. you can stay there as long as you want, order anything you need, and he won’t even charge you a dime.

imagine jade leech who loves boasting to you about the mushrooms he found on his last hike up the mountains. it always surprising you how flustered he gets whenever you actually know what he’s talking about, however. his cheeks get flushed and his eyes sparkle with excitement.

imagine jade leech who often will drag you alone with him into his room, solely to cuddle you and give you kisses. behind closed doors, he’s a lot more affectionate and baby-ish than he seems behind that scarily charismatic facade he puts up.

© 2025 𝐏𝐔𝐏𝐑𝐃𝐎𝐔, all rights reserved. please do not copy, modify, steal or translate my works onto other social media platforms.

[benegesseritofficial]

The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche

I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.

Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.

I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.

All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.

Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hello! Just wanted to say I absolutely love your writing! A bit of a request for the batboys (Jason, Tim, Dick, and Damian), just something silly.

I recently saw a video of a girl saying her boyfriend's entire name as if he was in trouble only for her to tell him she loved him. It was funny to me at the time, it was also late at night lol.

Soo... How would the boys react to reader suddenly saying their full name out of the blue as if they were in trouble as a prank? 👀👀🤭

Dick is thinking to death about what he might done to earn you saying his full name, so much so the poor man was sweating bullets which each step he took in your direction

Did he miss an anniversary?

Date night?

Hayley’s vet appointment?

He wanted to know badly so that he could think up a way to make it up to you however you wanted. Steal his clothes because they smell like him, he didn’t care, he just didn’t like you using his full name.

So as he looked you deep in the eyes, mentally preparing for whatever left your mouth, only for you to relax your face and kiss his cheek much to his surprise.

‘I love you.’ You told him sweetly as you smiled at him.

‘What?’ Dick said.

‘I love you.’ You repeated, still smiling.

‘That’s…that’s all you’ve called my full, legal government name for, to tell me you love me?’ Dick asked as though he was waiting for a joke that was never going to come.

‘Yep.’ You said.

‘No catch.’

‘None.’

‘Can you stop calling me Richard now and go back to calling me baby, cutie, dickie bird or -preferable- handsome now?’ Dick again asks as he felt a weight lift off of his shoulders and was finally able to breathe again now that his questions could finally be laid to sleep.

You chuckled as you kissed his lip. ‘Sure, whatever you say, handsome.’

Damian is unfazed.

He’s use to his full name being used and he doesn’t exactly feel anything but annoyance that he has to leave the piece he has spent the better half of a week working on, just to answer your call.

Damian loved you without a doubt but he’s not exactly fond of whenever you try to follow along these tasteless ‘trends.’ Though he knows himself well enough to know that he would never stay upset or mad at you for long, you were his weak spot, his treasure forever and always even if this is the things they kept you entertained.

‘I know you’re not saying my full name for any particular reason my treasure.’ He told you rather plainly.

‘And how would you know there isn’t a reason I called for you?’ You replied, crossing your arms over your chest. Damian copied.

‘Because I have a good memory and I haven’t missed any important date, that’s not until next week, that and the fact that I can see the muscles in your face struggling to keep the smile at bay.’ Damian said as he pointed out your biggest sign that you were lying about something.

You always involuntarily smiled when telling a lie the title made it far easier for Damian to know that what you were saying was far from the truth. It was your Achilles heel and Damian knew how to use it to his advantage.

‘I’m not.’ You said, struggling to stop the smile.

‘You are and you’re doing a bad job at it my sweet.’ He replied as he was now the one cockily smiling, knowing he’s got you where he wants you that you couldn’t do anything but crack under his stare.

‘Fine you loser, I only called you in here to say I love you, there happy?’ You asked as you pouted.

Damian walked over to you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. ‘All you had to do is say my treasure.’ Was all he said as he spent the rest of the day with you and Titus.

Jason is immediately in front of you within a heartbeat.

He, much like dick, didn’t like it when you use his full name.

You’re his partner! USE THE CUTE NICKNAMES YOU CHOSE FOR HIM INSTEAD! Who’s this Jason Todd? He only responds to Jaybird, jay jay, or baby with the occasional sweetheart from time to time.

‘Chipmunk, can you please tell me want I did wrong?’ Jason asked as he walked into the kitchen where you called him from.

You furrowed your brows. ‘Wrong? I only called you in here to tell you I love you.’ You replied as Jason started at you for a bit before he pinched your side, making you squeal.

‘You’re a little shit, you know that sweetheart.’ Jason asked as he kept pinching your sides, making you giggle and squeal in his hold. ‘Had me all worked up and everything.’ He adds as he starts biting your neck playfully.

‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Have mercy!’ You cried, trying to push yourself away from Jason but it was proven nearly impossible when your man was a literal wall of muscle.

‘’All I can hear as the squeaks of a cheeky little mouse.’ Is all Jason said as he continued to tickle, pinch at your sides. He hates it when you call him his full name, it reminded him of lesser then ideal times, sure it sounded far sweeter and loved when it was coming from you rather than theirs, but he’d much rather you call him anything it his full name.

Tim knows what you’re up to the very moment you use his full name.

His detective brain kicks into hyperdrive and goes into the logical explanation as to why the sudden change.

You’ve never used it before, so why now did you use it unless you had seen a cute trend or something that you thought was hilarious on TikTok, or on another social media platform and wanted to try it out for the sake of following whatever was the thing to do.

That or you were genuinely mad and he should at least go talk to you in hopes of de escalating the situation, should it come to it.

‘I love you.’ You said.

‘You’ve said my full name, lured me out of my room, just to say I love you?’ Tim asked with a raised brow as though his heart wasn’t going nuts once again with how much your words easily affected him.

You paused for a brief moment before smiling. ‘Yeah sounds about right.’

Tim sighs but he couldn’t help but feel a smile creep up on his lips. ‘You’re ridiculous sometimes I swear.’ He says under his breath, ‘you almost had me second guessing myself there but I’m glad this is what you called me out for instead.’ He finished as he pressed his forehead against your own, feeling relaxed and clear minded once more.

‘You may say I’m ridiculous but you love it when I keep you on your toes, it’s like a brain exercise in a way.’ You cheekily told him as you kissed his cheek.

‘You call that a brain exercise?’ Tim said. ‘That was barely a brain activity but more like a brain fart if anything.’ He said as you pouted and smacked his bicep, causing him to smile.

‘We can’t all be smart asses like you drake.’ You said and Tim shrugged as he tugged you close.

‘True but you certainly are a pain in the ass.’ Tim replied, which only made you slap his bicep again as he chuckled and you bury your head into his neck.

[bunny-jpeg]

max verstappen, blueberry bars, belgian waffles, tim bits with margarita and root beer. like, reader is max's naive and innocent best friend and he does this without her knowledge, asleep or drugs. she ends up preg and max convinces her that it sometimes happens and promises to take care of her.

bakery menu

want to submit an order? the bakery is open! submit your orders and i'll try to get through them as fast as possible. been a bit of a slow period because of the holdays/end of the year, but i'm making a comeback with 'em since they are very popular with ya'll! i was immediately drawn to this one, i love a good dark fic and i knew i had to write it! so thank you, thank you! enjoy <3

blueberry bars: “gonna make you a mamma and you're gonna make me a daddy.” + belgian waffles: "i cum in that every night." + tim bits: "stupid little thing." + margarita: unprotected sex + root beer: filming/recording served by max verstappen!

tags: smut/pwp, dark fic/dark themes, filming/recording, unprotected sex, breeding& pregnancy, best friend!reader, non-con somophilia, innocent!reader, mad!max, drugging

the sight of you was beautiful, there was something about your sleeping form that drove him mad. max knew that he could have any woman he desired, but why would he desire them when he could have you. you pulled him in, but even after years of friendship. you never seemed to notice max's advances, and he was getting desperate.

earlier in the evening you complained about not being able to sleep. you were visiting your best friend who was happy to house you in his apartment in monaco, so when max handed you a dainty little pill and told you to have a good night, you happily took it. and when your soft snores could be heard from the doorway of the bedroom, max felt himself getting arousing.

you looked like an innocent princess, and max believed himself to be the prince who will protect you. even if that meant having his hands under your shirt while you were asleep. a prince deserved a reward didn't he?

you laid under the sheet, which max pulled off slowly. you were in a thin tank top and underwear. he felt his heartbeat leap at the sight of you. he took out his phone to take photos.

he chuckled to himself lowly, "i cum in that every night." a cheeky joke as he had spent the last week slipping you a little pill and having his wicked way with you once you were asleep. you were quite nice when you were asleep, so much softer. it only made max yearn for you more. he wanted you, you were just too beautiful. he groaned as he felt tension in his sweatpants, "stupid little thing."

there was hunger inside of him, he needed you. wanted you in carnal ways that he couldn't put into words. the sight of you, he took more photos as he got his cock out of his sweatpants and rubbed it against your now bare stomach. he shuddered, "beautiful little thing. so stupid. need someone to protect you. you need to be saved don't you? well that's what i'm here for." he then got your panties down around your ankle and exposed your entire form to him.

it was only right for him to admire every inch of you, you were going to be his wife. the mother of his child. he said softly, “gonna make you a mamma and you're gonna make me a daddy.” and you shifted a little, it excited him as he got between your legs. he felt the rush through him as he sank his cock into you.

he had been doing this every night for a week now. every evening like ritual, he made sure you were tucked in, only for him to peel back the sheets and fuck you with a feverish want while you sleep. max had enough of beating around the bush with your love, he was a man of action.

and all he needed was for two little cells to meet before that action became a plan. some would call it baby trapping, but he'd call it a promise of commitment. you weren't going to do it alone, you'd have max every step of the way. he'd even retired to make sure that you and his baby were taken care of.

he could feel the pleasure through his body as he moved against you. he held your legs wrapped around him as he leaned in to kiss you on the lips. he snatched his phone up from the bed and snapped photos and took a small video of his cock being rocked in and out of you. he let out a small groan as the pleasure seeped into his blood. you felt amazing, he eyed your sleeping form as he picked up the pace a little bit more. he filmed a little more and let himself just enjoy the feeling of your slick cunt.

it was like a warm vice that pulled him in further. he took it as a sign that your body wanted it. you wanted this too, to carry his child. of course you did, you were so innocent and sweet. bordering on naive that max knew that you'd want a baby. a chubby little verstappen baby at your hip, you'd make a good mother.

and max knew that, even if you didn't at that moment.

he groaned lightly as he held onto your hips. he felt the climbing warmth in his body as he fucked you. feeling your body against his. your sleeping form was like the future in his eyes. he could imagine your wedding, having your family. you being the perfect wife for him. it was only destiny for the two of you, you had been friends for ages.

he knew everything about you, no other man would be able to compare. to think they could would be stupid to think, you were meant to be with max. for him to dote, love and protect. you didn't need to do anything else besides be his wife and the mother of his children. he had already made enough money to sustain a full house for three lifetimes. you deserved a man who could provide, max knew you 'dated', but they never lasted long. they didn't deserve to be with a woman like you. an angel from the heavens brought to earth.

"i love you." he said, "even when you don't see it. i know you do, i know you love me. you want me badly, but you don't think you're good enough. hopefully when i get you pregnant you can realize that i love you. i need you." his breathing was heavy as he thrusted against you.

there was no protection between you two and honestly he didn't need it. 'protection' wouldn't get you pregnant, wouldn't keep you as his. plus, it felt so much better bare-back. to feel the closeness to you. fill you with his seed and let it take root inside of you. then maybe you'd come to your senses.

maybe he could've done it a different way, but why would we do that? you looked so peaceful, he knew you weren't getting sleep. and max, the dutiful husband, would always make sure that you were alright. he just happened to want your sweet cunt wrapped around his hard cock at the same time. who could blame him, your pussy was the kind to salivate over like a hungry dog.

to love you, in his own twisted way, was a sign of utter devotion. even in your sleep, he would protect you. he knew what was right, and had convinced himself that breeding you while asleep was the best course of action. it'll prove that max is the man you need in your life, the protector. you were so innocent at times, anyone could hurt you!

but not max, at least in his logic.

you cunt felt amazing around his cock. his heart hammered in his chest a she rocked against you. he panted heavily as he moved against you. he held onto your thighs firmly and the dirty talk spilled from his lips. it was hard to make it stop at the feeling of your cunt like a vice around his cock. he rutted up into your further, as deep as he could go, as he said, "you're a fucking good girl. always did everything right, you were so trusting. that's why i have to keep you with me. close to me, where you belong. you're my wife, i knew that from the moment i met you. but the older we get, the further you're getting. time to bring you home. you, me and baby." his voice was hushed, but his words were protective and loving. or his version of loving.

if anyone saw or heard what he was doing. they'd be in shock, but they didn't understand. they didn't get how much you meant to him. he spent so much time trying to find you in other women, but why bother with them when he had you. all of you.

and soon there would be a product of your love. your union together. that only made him work his hips faster against you. you remained limp under him as he drilled his cock into you. your let out a small moan in your deep sleep and it made max near drool as he finished inside of you.

he thrusted quickly against you and felt all semblance of control start to slip. he was left hungry, near feverish from the intensity of the pleasure. he loved it, just as he loved you. of course the love of his life would have a cunt that drove him to near insanity.

he soon finished inside of you after the pleasure took hold. he clutched onto you tightly and felt the intense heights of pleasure. he let out a loud moan before he slowed to a stop. he wiped his sweaty brow and eyed your still sleepy form. it made his cock twitch inside of you for a moment.

he leaned in to kiss you on the lips before he pulled away to get you re-clothed and tucked back in. before he left the room, he kissed you on the face once more and said,

"everything i do. i do for you."

-

you were in tears weeks later, you showed max the pregnancy test when fear in your eyes. and while you looked distraught, max looked excited. the test clattered on the floor as max took you in his strong arms and kissed your face.

"how..how did this happen?" you asked meekly.

max replied with a wide smile, "don't worry about it! it's our little miracle! you and the baby won't go without. we'll have to get a bigger place, and move your stuff back home. or i can buy you new things since you'll be going through so much change... and then of course, i have to marry you. it's only right!" he was already talking like you two had planned this pregnancy.

but it was hard to do much thinking when max held you so protectively. you held onto the front of his shirt and rubbed your face against his chest. you exhaled deeply, still feeling shaken to your core. you held on tightly like a lifeline, knowing that max's child was growing in your womb. a part of you wondered if the things you were feeling late into the night weren't dreams after all. <3