#when i say sexy i mean like a guitar is a beautiful cool looking object

[ieropski]

i kinda didnt wanna buy an electric guitar until i was like fairly okay at guitar but guitar center has some big sale going on right now and im like ... 😳

[transmascfrankiero]

all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:

romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10

honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10

vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10

drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10

sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10

halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10

turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10

monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10

best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10

cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10

demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10

helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10

give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10

to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone

prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward

i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10

ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10

jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10

interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)

venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10

hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10

deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10

cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10

never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10

desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10

the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10

dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10

how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10

sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10

wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10

i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10

house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10

cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10

mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point

sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10

teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10

disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10

famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10

blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10

kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10

heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10

my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10

astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10

desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10

common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10

emily: NO!!!! -50000/10

party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10

not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10

all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10

jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10

na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10

bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10

sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score

planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10

the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10

party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10

save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10

s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10

summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10

destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way

kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10

vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10

we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10

black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10

f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10

mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10

boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10

tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10

ambulance: no. 0/10

gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10

the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10

the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10

kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10

make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10

surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10

burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10

fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU

[benreillyscarletspider]

Red Dwarf Series One Starter Sentences

“Have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?”

“The only reason they don't give this job to the service robots is they've got a better union than us.”

“You touch that guitar, [name], I'll remove the E string and garrote you with it.”

“ Can I do anything? Is it OK if I breathe? Can I breathe?”

“This is not cheating! It's merely an aid to memory. Helps me marshal the facts already in my command.”

“What does this mean? What does any of it mean? I've covered my body in complete and utter and total absolute nonsense gibberish!”

“Although you exist, you no longer exist in time, and, for you, time itself does not exist. You see, although you're still a mass, you are no longer an event in space-time; you are a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero.”

“I've been on my own for three million years, and I'm just used to saying what I think. I think I've gone a bit peculiar, to tell you the truth.”

“ Never again will I be able to brush a rose against my cheek, cradle a laughing child, or interfere with a woman sexually.”

“Lots of people have died. Lots of people have died and then gone on and done really, really well.”

“I know it's wrong of me to speak ill of the dead and all that, but you're still a smeghead.”

“Looking nice. No, wait a minute. I'm looking better than nice. I'm looking dangerous.”

“He's your father? No wonder you're so ugly.”

“You are how you look, and I look like a complete and total tit!”

“Switch me on, switch me off, like I'm some battery-powered sex aid.”

“Death isn't the handicap it used to be in the olden days. It doesn't screw your career up like it used to.”

“It's gonna take 4000 years just to turn around. You can't do a three point turn when you're this close to lightspeed, you know.”

“You'll be in your element if insects are in control.You'll probably get a decent job at last.”

“Oh, just because I'm a toaster, I'm tone deaf?”

“Watch my lips. What ... is ... hap ... pening?”

“Hey, it hasn't happened, has it? It has ‘will have going to have happened' happened, but it hasn't actually 'happened' happened yet, actually.”

“It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future. Simple as that.”

“You know, I wish I was someone else. Then I could kiss me.”

“It's not fair. There's loads of things I've never done. Like... I've never had a prawn vindaloo. And I've never read... A book. And I wanted to have a family. And I wanted to have loads of practice in the things that you've got to do to get a family.”

“You can't whack death on the head!”

“ If he comes near me, I'm gonna rip his nipples off!”

“Yeah, well, everyone dies. You're born, and you die. The bit in the middle's called life, and that's still to come!”

“That woman's out of your league. She's just too classy for you.”

“I'm looking nice. My hair is nice. My face is nice. My suit is nice. I'm looking really nice!”

“You really must think I'm stupid. I'll deal with you two later.”

“You've got the brains of diarrhea and the breeding of a maggot.”

“I laughed so hard I nearly puked.”

“Of course you're tense, you rectum-faced pygmy!”

“Well, we'll give him ten seconds to come back from the dead, and, if he hasn't managed it, we'll presume I'm in charge.”

“If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to [Name].”

“It's obviously beyond me. I've got more teeth than brain cells, remember?”

“What's the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?”

“My mind is open to new cultures, and new ways of looking at and doing things.”

“There's nobody out there. No alien monsters, no Zargon warships, no beautiful blondes with beehive hairdos who say 'Show me some more of this Earth thing called kissing.’.”

“If there's no one out there, what's the point in existence? Why are we here?”

“Smooth with a capital SMOO.”

“Hey, you monkeys are smarter than I thought.”

“I just don't know why I bother. I'd get more sense out of a squashed hedgehog.”

“Six breasts!? Imagine making love to a woman with six breasts!”

“Imagine making love to a woman!”

“This is terrible. Holy wars. Killing. They're just using religion as an excuse to be extremely crappy to each other.”

“I'm not a god! I've just been... Misquoted.”

“That's a fearsome hat.”

“I renounced coolness, and chose the righteous path of slobbiness.”

“But, as one by one we died, my faith died also.”

“I was thinking it might help pass the time if I created a perfectly functioning replica of a woman, capable of independent decision-making and abstract thought and absolutely undetectable from the real thing.”

“It must mean something. You don't dream about someone that you don't feel something for.”

“I once had a dream about a baboon but that doesn't mean I want to go to bed with it.”

“I happen to agree with their philosophy that love is a sickness that holds back your career and makes you want to spend all your money.”

“Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn.”

“What makes us different from animals is we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.”

“Hey, this has been a good day. I've eaten five times, I've slept six times, and I've made a lot of things mine.Tomorrow, I'm gonna see if I can't have sex with something.”

“If you weren't my friend, I'd steal your shoes.”

“No, you're a filthy, stinking, loathsome,disgusting object I wouldn't be seen dead with in a plague pit.”

“I just love that accent. It makes me go all wibbly!”

“Bet you've got a terminal disease.Always happens to the people who least expect it.”

“Forget those losers. Let's go party.”

“Oh, he's drunk. Yes. I can smell it from here.”

“Ding dong! Another great idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes!”

“Why should she be interested in you?”

“Yeah, why should she be interested in me?”

“You're great! You're an incredibly seductive, charming, charismatic, young stud!”

“You've got a body like a coat hanger! How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear?”

“In space, no one can hear you cha-cha-cha!”

“He didn't suffer! I just fed him into the waste grinder and flushed his bits into space.”

“Who told you you needed oxygen, huh? Some loser who was trying to make you feel small.”

“Look, if she comes back and she's not interested, I can handle it.”

“A-ha! The Pop-Up Kama Sutra - Zero Gravity Edition!”

“My death is one of the most important things that ever happened to me.”

“Are you saying you never became an officer because you shared your quarters with someone who hummed?”

“Hey, I'm looking so good today! If I looked any better, I'd be illegal!”

“I am feeling very, very sexy!”

“Sensual emergency! Good lovin' needed bad!”

“I'm far, far, far too much of a gentleman to stoop to that kind of shower-room mentality.”

“Well, I'm sorry I didn't have time to sit down and bash out a speech in iambic pentameter. I was hit in the face by an atomic explosion.”

“SHUT UP, YA DEAD GIT!”

“STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YA FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!”

“Nothing major. But it goes without saying: IT WAS HIS FAULT!”

“Will you two guys just grow up?”

“ This can't go on. One of youse has gotta go.”

“Ippy-dippy, my space shippy, on a course so true; past Neptune and Pluto's moon, the one I choose is you.”

“I don't believe it. I've been ippy-dippied to death.”

“There's precious little entertainment on this ship. I mean, if you can't attend the odd execution, what have you got left?”

“I thought they were laughing at the chef, when all the time,they were laughing at me as I ate my piping hot gazpacho soup!”

[tramgedachten]

..A RANT ON WHY I AM A FEMINIST..

Today I was crying in the toilets at work. That probably seems like the most stupid thing to say when you want to promote equality... but hear me out. Today was also International Women's Day, and since my colleagues think is fun to use me as a dartboard whenever the subject FEMINISM comes up I had to endure a lot of jokes. And to be fair, I don't mind jokes. However when they are paired with the inability to see your own privilege I kind of get upset. I would have stayed and debated them, but I did that the first 20 times and it just doesn't work. #learningthehardway

I know that I get very emotional about this subject. I know I will get angry. And you know what, I should have to the right to get angry. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT. But instead of fighting a battle I can't win, with 10 people against 1. Let me write out why I am still a feminist. And what it really means to me.

Feminism is not about hating or discriminating men. Whoever told you this doesn't know what they are talking about. Screaming 'Girls to the Front' does not mean 'Guys to the Basement'. Putting the focus on girls, giving girls a platform, does not take away the voices of men. It just gives women a voice as well. And yes... it is true that we criticize some of the behavior that men have: men-splaining, men-spreading, harassment (obviously), misogyny (obviously), and whatever else. Because it makes us feel uncomfortable and belittled. And we are not little girls. We are women – real humans, with emotions and thoughts -- and we want to be seen as such. Don't see it as a personal attack, but if you feel addressed maybe that is food for thought?

What we do hate, is the Patriarchy. And here is why you should hate it too. The Patriarchy has brainwashed society into thinking that everything that is associated with femininity is less. Less important. Less trustworthy. Less. Girls need to be soft and submissive, or sexy and mysterious. Men need to be aggressive, need to drive cool cars, do sports, fuck beautiful women, game, play guitar, drink alcohol and what not. Men need to be manly. And if they are not, they are deemed unworthy or 'gay'. Do you remember your father (or your mother) telling you 'boys don't cry'? THAT'S THE PATRIARCHY. Lots of boys struggle with their emotions, because they never learned how to express them. Which means they miss an essential part of communication skills. This is why a lot of men end up frustrated and misunderstood. And yes, maybe they even take this frustration out on women. And then again, maybe they don't. There are lots of different men, and everybody handles their problems differently. That's why you should never assume that because something is not a problem to you, that the problem does not exist. That is for me an essential part of feminism.

The Patriarchy is at the root of so many things that I have a problem with. Monogamy for instance. Or heterosexuality. Body negativity. Or the wage gap. All these things are constructed so we would live – voluntary -- in a society that uses us. And for some, these claims might seem extreme, but I need you to tear away from your comfort zone for just a second, and really take a look at the world.

It's 2018. We are still at war. There is still poverty. We are still getting influenced by nationalist thoughts. Racism. Still. Exists. Women can not walk the streets at night and feel totally safe. I can still make a person disgusted because I grow my fucking armpit hair. In some countries you can get shot or raped because you are a boy who likes boys. And some people don't believe that you might identify as a gender that is different from your genitalia. Still... In 2018.

Ok, in most parts parts of the world women have the right to vote. But what for? Let's take the 2016 election for President of the United States. The democrats at least had the choice between Bernie and self proclaimed feminist Hilary Clinton, who was on the wrong side of the LGBTQ-marriage issue until 2013 and let's face it, if not for Bernie she would have been way more centered then she now was. In the Republican camp there was no one to represent the female vote. Oh sorry, that's a lie, Carly Fiorina was in the race until February. But let's be fair, we all know that she only got to run because they needed a female to stand up to any comment from Hilary about inequality. She never had a chance. And now, women in America might loose the right to their own body, because not a enough people at the top UNDERSTAND what it's like to be a woman. AND THEY DON'T CARE. They care about money. They care about preserving the power. They are the patriarchy. And as long as they exist, we will never have equal rights.

But a feminist cares about more then just rights for women. And yes often they are portrayed as white and successful... Yet let's keep in mind that it was black women who 'recently' saved Alabama from getting another republican senator. A true feminist, for me, is an open-minded person who sees everybody as equal. Whatever gender, sexuality or race you define as. A feminist should have your back. If we want control over our own bodies and minds. EVERYONE should have that control. A feminist who doesn't think the refugees are welcome here, is NOT a feminist.

Which brings us to the million dollar question 'why then call it feminism en not equalism?'

Very simple. Our issue still remains mainly focussed on putting femininity at the same level as masculinity. By which I mean WE WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT, WHENEVER WE WANT. Every minority should have their own platform, because for example: I as a white girl, can not speak about what it's like to be black. It's not my place to take the lead in a debate about racism. Will I help create and defend that platform if my help is needed? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY. But I know that you can best defend your own experiences. And as a woman that means: I don't want to be harassed on the street, I don't want to be treated as a sexual object rather then as a person over and over again. I want to be in control of my own body – whether that means being able to choose to not want to get pregnant. Or just not have to live up to the expectations of societies (impossible) beauty standards. I want tampons to be seen as something vital. I want to be able to choose my own career and make just as much money as the guy with the same job. I want slut shaming to stop. I want girls empowering girls instead of putting each other down with gossip and snide remarks. I want the law to condemn rape.  I want my stories represented in movies and shows and books. I want to be able to go to a punk concert by myself without being literately removed from the mosh-pit. Every. Time. I don't want to have to be ashamed of my emotional side. I want the right to be angry. I want the right to define myself with a name that corresponds to the issue that I care about the most. I want the right to call myself a feminist!

And if you can't understand that... If you are really bothered by the fact that we are naming ourselves after an issue that is affecting at least 50 percent of the word population. If you are really triggered by the fact that we get 1 day in the entire year that we are 'allowed' to stand up... I fear that all hope is lost. The patriarchy has you in it's claw...

I worked in a book store for some time and it broke my heart every time a mother refused to buy her son a Dora the explorer book, because it was 'for girls'. How we raise our children is an essential part in how we want the future to look. And god damn-it...  I don't want the next generation crying in the toilet because they felt so disappointed about the people surrounding them.

I am not asking you to scream 'I am a feminist' right away. All I want is for people to respect us, take us seriously and give us a shot. Talk to girls. No. Really. Talk to them. Lots of them. We are all different and beautiful in our own way, but still most of us have encountered the same issues. They are real. And we are not going to retire. We are not giving up, because someone says 'we're just making a fuss'. We will continue the fight. We will smash the patriarchy.

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 15: The Semi-Finals (Commentary & Guesses/Clues)

Hello fellow Masked Singer lovers! It’s that time of the week aka Ana’s Masked Singer recap time, my favorite time of the week especially now during quarantine. Wow, we are now at the semi-finals with only 4 contestants left, I can’t believe it, we are almost to the end of these recaps & I am not gonna lie, I am a bit sad about it. Anyways, again, we will be honoring the judges with some trophy emojis because they are getting there and I am kind of shook, but this time I am also gonna give the judge with the worst guess ever a poop emoji because it was a horrible guess. This segment is called “Panel Spotlight.” Ok, so having said that, let’s get started! (Disclaimer: Spoilers ahead, proceed with caution.. don’t say I didn’t warn you)

Alright, to begin, we have the masked contestant who came in 4th place which was: 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE RHINO 

Alright, am I surprised? Nope, not at all. Am I a bit upset? Yup, a little bit, but again I saw this coming so not that surprising. However, if it were up to me, he would’ve left after Frog, but I digress, I don’t control these things. Anyways, about his performance of Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw, it was one of his best performances I feel. No, it wasn’t super performance/dance heavy but it was really strong in terms of vocals & he played the guitar which was amazing. No, he wasn’t the strongest, but I also don’t feel like he was the weakest. 

Anyways, the Rhino was revealed to be... 

BARRY ZITO 

Yay another one that I figured out woo hoo!! I am not a baseball fan myself (not a sports fan in general haha), but my dad is & through some Internet research I kinda figured it out (also thanks to CinemaBlend’s clues & theories... the guy who hosts it knows a ton more about sports than me especially with how the clues match up). Anyway having said that let’s look at the most recent set of clues & how they match up to Mr. Zito:

In the clue package, he was talking about a monumental event that happened recently, which was the birth of his 3rd baby boy a few days before the performance. 

#9 in toothpicks= he was 9th pick in the 1999 MLB draft 

For the after performance clue, it was called the “closer look clue” where the clues were on the contestants & they had to go very close to the judges for those clues to be seen. Rhino’s was a baby elephant pin which again alludes to his baby. 

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Alright so yay we are giving 2 🏆 to two panelists, Jenny McCarthy (not surprised) and Ken Jeong (very surprised). Also, never thought I’d say this, but Ken nailed it with saying he appeared in JAG season 9 episode 9 (even though that’s not what the 9 meant but whatever let’s give the man some credit for once in the season) 

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 was the guest judge, comedian/former SNL cast member Jay Pharaoh, who guessed freaking Blake Shelton. His legit logic was um idk any country stars but I do know Blake and he’s tall so yup that’ll work. Terrible logic if you ask me. 

Alright, we finally have our 3 finalists going into next week’s finale. To honor the finale, I am going to put them in reverse order as to where I think each of them will be placed (and no it’s not based on how much I like them, it’s more objective with a dash of subjectivity... you’ll see.. I’ll explain as I go): 

3rd Place: Night Angel aka Kandi Burruss    

(Side Note: These guesses are so obvious that they are making side to side pictures of them when you search the contestants on Google Images... These photos are not mine, I didn’t make this, it was already made, so even the media is catching on) 

So, as for why I put her in 3rd place, I feel like she’s good and all but Frog gets hyped up way more than she does for some reason so he might go farther than she does in terms of placing. If it were up to me, she would’ve been runner-up, but objectively Frog is probably going to be placed higher because he’s an audience favorite. 

As for her performance, she sang How to Love by Lil Wayne (aka Robot) and honestly it was one of her best performances. It was her most energetic by far and it was very memorable that she took a risk by performing a song that is way out of her typical bubble (aka vocally challenging songs by strong female singers) so I commend her for that. However, I wasn’t wowed with her performance as much as like Jenny was (she hyped her up way too much like damn). 

As for clues, here’s what I got: 

In the clue package, she mentioned someone she lost, calling them a guardian angel. Kandi lost her brother Patrick when she was 15 in a car accident, so that’s who she’s referring to since she has stated that he is her guardian angel. 

Her closer look clue= a moon pin = featured in Rashida’s song from 2012 “Legs to the Moon” 

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Alright so yay we are giving the 🏆 to her hype beast, Jenny McCarthy who has guessed her for a while but I am still going to give it to her because she kept insisting.  

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 goes to Ken (unsurprisingly) who guessed Ciara (even though that would be cool for her to be on a future season) who is (or was when the show was being filmed idk) pregnant & Night Angel isn’t pregnant as you can tell by the above photo. So, ya that’s a no on that Ken, but hey at least you got Barry Zito. 

2nd Place: Frog aka Bow Wow 

Alright, so pretty much I put him at 2nd place because the dude gets a ton of hype on the show, but he’s not my favorite by any means so no way in hell am I putting him in 1st place even though he might win sadly (I genuinely don’t think he should win, but whatever... it is what it is) 

As for his performance, he sang Naughty by Nature’s Hip Hop Hooray and ughhhhh this again... I’m sorry I sound like such a hater, and if you like the frog, I’m so happy for you, but like he keeps doing the same thing over & over again, it’s starting to get annoying. He keeps performing such similar songs every time & he isn’t a strong singer/rapper, so I personally feel like he should have left ages ago and he is way overhyped on that show. 

As for clues, here’s what I got:

In the clue package, he was playing basketball with the Men in Black & also got strike by lightening= he starred in a basketball movie called Like Mike where his sneakers got strike by lightening & he gained Michael Jordan’s skills

1000 on an album= he was on the Millennium tour 

Her closer look clue= mom pin= mom upside down is wow like bow wow get it? & also he is very close to his mom, she was his manager when he started his career as a kid

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Alright so yay we are giving the 🏆 to Robin Thicke & guest judge Jay Pharaoh (who took me on a rollercoaster ride with his explanation) for guessing Bow Wow (Robin is persistent & did that mom upside down is wow thing so I gotta give him points for that) 

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 goes to Jenny (yup I said it) who said Chance the Rapper, which like what? Seriously? What clue made you think that? 

1st Place/Predicted Winner of Golden Mask: Turtle aka Jesse McCartney 

Ok, ok here comes me being a bit subjective here... yes I have a soft spot for the Turtle/Jesse McCartney, but I have literal reasons why I think he should win that aren’t “I am just in love with him & he gives me the feels,” I swear they’re legit. First, he has an amazing voice, falsetto on point man. Next, he can stand toe to toe with the Frog because the dude can dance. He just has the whole package while Frog can only dance. Can Frog hit those beautiful falsetto/high notes? I don’t think so... mic drop, case closed, Turtle’s winning! (I predicted Fox last season, and I feel good about this one) 

As for his performance, he sang Jealous by Nick Jonas and it was full of falsetto (how many times can I say that word without sounding snobby?). I freaking loved it, it was fun, energetic, and dare I say sexy... yes, I just called a guy in a Turtle costume sexy, I am embarrassed for myself as well. 

As for clues, here’s what I got:

In the clue package, he spoke about his love for Robin Thicke, apparently he is a Robin super fan = well Mr. Jesse McCartney did cover Robin’s song, The Stupid Things on his Beautiful Soul album in 2004.

Back street sign= he did tour with the Backstreet Boys in 2005 & 2013, but he isn’t a member of the boyband (we will get into that in a second)  

His closer look clue= a big diamond ring on “that finger” = he got engaged to his girlfriend, Katie Peterson, on September 2019 

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Alright no  🏆 for the panel because everybody was way off, and I am annoyed at how way off they were because they kept getting caught up with the whole Backstreet Boys clue. 

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 goes to Nichole, because even though she guessed a Backstreet Boy like everyone else (her guess was Nick Carter), the fact that she guessed Jesse last week & then changed her answer irritated the living hell out of me... like girl you were right for a split second & now you are so wrong. 

Anyways, that's it for my second to last recap (damn, I can’t believe it). Stay tuned for next week because we have not 1, but 3 reveals that we will be talking about so no more guessing, just commentary... I am very excited for the finale. Do you agree with my predictions? Let me know in the comments. See you guys next week for the last time (until fall because season 4 starts around then). 

[underabr0kensky]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

Because I’m bored and tired and the Slayer show was fucking awesome.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah. I mean I’ve thought about that, it’s a fun concept, but I don’t think I’m in a coma and just making up my life or whatever.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Not. I love the dark. It’s comfy.

3. The person you would never want to meet? That piece of shit that abused my friend because I’d beat him to death more than likely.

4. What is your favorite word? Fuck, I suppose. I say it more than anything else I think lol.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A weeping willow. Because they weep. Like my soul.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I don’t even know if I looked in the mirror at all today, at least not to see myself.

7. What shirt are you wearing? The Slayer shirt I just spent way too much fucking money on. Worth it though.

8. What do you label yourself as? I don’t. I’m just me. A metalhead, I guess.

9. Bright room or dark room? Dark. Brightness is a curse.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Uhh. I think I was drinking and watching Firefly.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? I guess 21? Or maybe 23, but that’s only because of what happened around that time.

12. Who told you they loved you last? I’m not sure. Megan, maybe?

13. Your worst enemy? My own depressed-ass brain tbh.

14. What is your current desktop picture? It’s a slideshow of a bunch of anime girls. Judge me.

15. Do you like someone? I love her, yes.

16. The last song you listened to? “Lean On” by Major Lazer.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Shit, I’m too tired to be that pissed at anyone. I guess, again, the abusive piece of shit.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? The abusive piece of shit. Also myself a lot of the time.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Emma Watson, but I wouldn’t really make her do anything. Just kinda be like “Hey it would be cool if you were my girlfriend for a day”.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) My hair and my eyes, it’s a toss-up. I’d say my hair though.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I have no fucking clue, probably dead sexy like I am now lmao. First thing I’d do is masturbate because I’m pretty sure that’s what everyone would do. Everybody’s curious. After that I’d, I dunno, go hit on people I guess?

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nah, my few talents are not secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Nothing really, all my fears are normal.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Fuck it I’d probably go with PB+J.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Right at the moment I’d save it for Metallica tickets.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Probably South Dakota, honestly. I want to hang out with Jess again if she’d be up for it.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Jim Beam Distiller’s Cut. Gimme that discontinued shit.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Mountain Dew is a fundamental human right.

29. What is your favorite expletive? FUCK.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? The box on my dresser. It’s got all the stuff Jess gave me in it. Cards, drawings, etc. It’s the most important thing I have.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Probably my mom almost dying back in 2010.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Ima go to Switzerland then, fuck yeah.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Jeff Hanneman. Slayer reunion motherfuckers.

34. What was your last dream about? I have no idea. Probably about work -_-

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I am an excellent kisser, yes.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Yup. Once for a wreck and once for attempted suicide.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah, whenever we’d actually get snow here, which is fucking never.

38. What is the color of your socks? I’m not wearing any.

39. What type of music do you like? Everything, but I’m a metalhead.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets. It means night is coming.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Hmm. Heath bar I suppose. Banana is fucking great too.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Titans and Patriots. I don’t give a lonely mountain-dwelling fuck about soccer.

43. Do you have any scars? Several. One on my right shin where a fucking fax machine fell on me. One between my right thumb and index finger where I caught the blade of a dagger, long and retarded story. And another really close to that one where I jumped down off my bed and accidentally fucking stabbed my hand with my guitar’s headstock. That one still hurts sometimes.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? When I graduate what? This shitty existence? lol. I wanna be a rockstar dad.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My fucking mental issues would go away.

46. Are you reliable? Yeah, very.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? “Did you get to try again with her?”

48. Do you hold grudges? Yeah. Only if it’s someone I don’t really like though. I can’t get mad at people I like.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A cat-bird hybrid. It would try to hunt itself.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? I have plenty of weird-as-shit conversations with one of the guys at work because he’s just fucking weird. It’s usually about anime-related shit.

51. Are you a good liar? Yes. Had to be growing up with a dad that’s like a living bullshit-detector.

52. How long could you go without talking? A good while. Sometimes on weekends I don’t really say shit.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? When I had short hair. Ugh I look awful with short hair.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Nope.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I can kinda sorta do a British and Australian accent.

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter or jelly.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? I have no fucking idea, I suck at drawing. I think the last time I actually attempted to draw was when Jess and I did the Drawlloween Challenge back in 2015.

58. What would be you dream car? Lamborghini Diablo SE-30.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope, I’m usually in a hurry so I just shower fast as shit.

60. Do you believe in aliens? I think it’s definitely possible but I don’t think they float around abducting people.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Nah, I have friends who do it for me lol.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Uhh. Q I guess? Because it’s barely ever used lol.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dragons, fuck kind of question is that? Dinosaurs are little bitch ass pussies compared to dragons.

64. What do you think about babies? Nope. Nope. Never. Nope.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I can roll my tongue into a tube. It helps with playing harmonica.