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moonbelt · 5 years

Text

»the moon, the sun

↳ ex-best-friends to lovers au | college athletes au

pairing » jeon jungkook | reader

genre » big angst + fluff + sexual themes

word count » 11.770

» there’s not a single thing you like about jungkook. no. not his jokes or his thinly veiled overwatch obsession or his supreme swimmers body. absolutely nothing. there is, however, a multitude of things you hate. wait, sorry that was rude, vehemently despise is better.

» mutual pining that could've been resolved if either of them exercised some basic communication skills lol, mild coarse language, lots of angst, cocky jjk but also crack jjk??, gamer memes, poufy haired jjk, also supposed hate-love relationship.

YOU ARRIVE AT THE SWIM CENTER WITH A THROB in your knee and a resounding ache in your head. It felt like your brain was about to explode into a thousand gory pieces as you pushed open the wide frost-tinted glass double doors that led to the locker rooms.

Now that would have been a great start to a low-budget horror flick. You could just picture it, a lonesome girl? No… Woman? At twenty, you weren’t sure if you still qualified as a girl but the term woman felt too formal, too stifling, too mature to be attributed to you. But whatever, that was semantics you could spare for another day.

So, there you’d be; creeping into a university swim center at the ass-crack of dawn and then bam! Your brain impedes on itself. Maybe it’s because of some mutant phenomenal viral disease, maybe it’s repercussions from tempering with a portal to the paranormal realm that only exists in semi-open pool arenas. Whatever it was, it would have to be epic and a far cry from the truth. Which was, you were used to indescribable, continuous pain. It came with the territory of being an athlete. If you didn’t wake up in the morning with some part of your body feeling uncomfortably off then that just meant you didn’t try as hard the day before. Or at the very least, that’s what you told yourself to keep going.

Yawning, you punched in your locker code and began the mental and physical process of getting ready for the next three hours of practice before break. You usually where the first one in the building and the last one to leave if you didn’t have classes or work.

Swimming made you feel good, made you feel like there was something special about yourself. It didn’t help that the more you practiced, the more you were able to outpace everyone else. Practice birthed results and your stubbornness, wait no, competitiveness was off the charts. So, of course, you wanted to dominate every single athlete in your division.

Still though, waking up at four in the morning had to be the singular dumbest thought you’d ever conceived.

Once you were suited up, you padded back into the arena that held the huge industrial sized swim pool. The overpowering smell of chlorine and humid air made you feel more at home than the dormitory you’d just left less than thirty minutes ago. You honestly might’ve started crying right then and there at the sight of the crystal clear water and the humongous life-sized painting of an unknown swimmer in the midst of a beautiful breaststroke at the center of it all.

Today was after all the first day of the semester. Your collegiate swimming career was finally back on. Your lips twinged at the sight of the polished, tiled floor and how it felt cool under the soles of your feet.

You’d gone back home for winter break and although you’d kept up with the training regime your coach had persistently emailed out, there was just something fundamentally different about being back on your own turf. In fact, you were fairly sure a few tears slipped past your barriers and hooked at the corners of your eyes at the thought. Only to be blasted into near oblivion by the sound of a phone camera going snap snap.

You whipped your head to the direction of the camera like a person possessed. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, My Zelda. This is glorious.” The goddamn stalker, wait he wasn’t a stalker if he was a member of the swim team. Right, the goddamn fiend had the guts and audacity to say with an open-mouthed grin marring his face. “You’re actually crying. There are literally tears in your eyes. I can see ‘em.”

“Screw off, Jeon.”

Him. The only other person dumb enough to be at the swimming center at five am. A full hour before the scheduled practice time. God, how long had he been watching you? And to think he even had time to whip out his phone and document this moment. You were never gonna live it down, that was for sure. You? Crying? Over – you took a grand look around your surroundings – water?

“It was only three weeks, you know. You wouldn’t die if you didn’t swim for a month or two.” He still found the whole scenario funny, if the laughter in his voice was any indication.

“Coming from someone that I doubt showers even once every three days? Yeah, I’ll pass on that lecture.”

“Ooh, a solid burn from the Ice Queen,” he clutched a hand to his chest like he’d been shot with a bazooka or something. Dramatic. “That one hurts my ego immensely.”

You snorted. It was debatable if anything could seriously damage Jeon Jungkook’s ego. That shit was built with solid uranium. No matter how you tried to smash it. He was his own number one supporter and he’d built himself up in his head that he was the greatest at whatever he laid his hands on. At that moment, however, you wanted to snatch the iPhone out of those deft hands of his and dig a well through his head with it. Couldn’t he go be great somewhere else?

Instead of replying and subsequently dragging out this conversation longer than necessary, you busied yourself with adjusting your swim cap and bringing your goggles to rest on the bridge of your nose.

It didn’t matter that Jungkook was here. It didn’t bother you one bit. It’s not like it was abnormal. You’d known him longer than you’d known anybody so of course you were used to his presence. Although you didn’t particularly like the fact that you’d known him almost your whole life. Or the fact that your body prickled with awareness every time he stepped into the nearest vicinity. You couldn’t control that. What you could control though, was how you felt about it.

And right now, you hated him. Wait, no hate was too strong a word, perhaps vehemently despise was more fitting.

You make your way to lane five, take a deep breath to calm your nerves and then dunk yourself into the ice cold water. Better to get it over with than squirm around the edges with him around. For Zelda’s sake, he has his phone camera on standby!

Yeah okay, you didn’t hate Jeon Jungkook; the son of a family friend that lived on the other side of the cul de sac. Instead, you vehemently despised the boy that was a walking, talking human critic. You bite your lip ferociously in a bid to punish the thought of Jungkook out of your mind. After a second or maybe three, you push into the water.

“Your shoulders look tense from up here... you’re so not gonna perform well if you don’t stretch that baby out.”

That’s the first thing you hear other than the rushing of water leaving your ears as your face breaks out against the surface of the pool. You jerk your goggles off your eyes, look up and scowl at him. Mr. I-Should-Basically-Be-A-Coach-With-All-These-Pointers-I-Give.

“I am not tense.”

“Yeah, no. You don’t have to lie about that. I could legit see your muscles almost cramping up down there.”

“Are you really going to stand up there and pretend we have some kind of mentor-mentee relationship going on? Seriously? It’s five in the morning, Jeon.”

You could clearly see the wheels in his head turning and then zeroing in on the one word you shouldn’t have said. Relationship. Gah, you need a chastity belt for your lips. His eyes basically sparkle with rays of mischief and a dash of mastered superiority. “Well, I am seven months older, so when you think about it that way it’s only natural that I take you under my wing and —”

“I swear to you, I will physically break your knee caps —”

“Wait,” he looks genuinely confused, perfect lips pouting. “What do you mean by physically? Is there any other way to break a knee?”

Ugh! You stare at him and he stares right back, cocking his head to the side like he can do this all day. You want to scream, hell maybe even shapeshift into a fucking banshee and scream the roof off this building.

And then his mouth curves into a roguish smirk. The type he reveals when he manages to squeak by a better time than you or like that one time (okay maybe five?) that he got randomly stopped by some modeling agency recruiter when your parents had forced the two of you to carpool to swim meets back when you were a tad younger and he was the only one with a car. The smirk that just screams ‘I’m getting under your skin, aren’t I? And dude, it feels fan-fucking-tastic.’

“Get a life, Jeon. Or better yet, get in the water. It’s only been three weeks, no way you suck even worse than usual after that. I mean, by fuck, it hasn’t even been a month!” You twist his words back at him and then feel proud about it. So what, you are competitive and you hold grudges. There could be worse things.

His smirk deepened and okay, you won’t lie to yourself. He is attractive. Critically so. It would be hard not to notice that. It’s a continual and conscious effort to even attempt to un-notice it. But still, moments like these when the fluorescent lights beamed on his face at just the right angle and the shadows cut across his features and illuminated his golden skin to the heavens, boosting his overall aura like he was some sort of reincarnated god of beauty. Or worse, a Final Boss that you had to most certainly defeat. It became increasingly hard not to notice how much he affected you and your breathing.

Yeah, it’s in these moments that your better judgement faults and for a split second you are transported to that one November night in the middle of eleventh grade when fuck no! Absolutely not! You refuse to walk that horrendous trip down memory lane and relive one of the most humiliating, and this is coming from a girl that threw up because of nerves in front of judges at a talent show, experiences of your life. This was not the time.

“Your shoulders are still stiff as a board. Tell me, child, have you gotten laid recently?”

You let out the most frustrated sound of agony you could muster. You’re going to murder him. Forget you being the star in some crazy horror film, you were going to be the director. And you were gonna serve up a mean case of Deck Jungkook’s Ass With Supernatural Intervention as the main course. Maybe you’d win an Oscar for it. Heck, maybe you’d get a home run and even win Best Picture.

He chuckles like he’s cracked the greatest joke since Netflix Original Films. You’re too busy orchestrating a slugfest in your head to really pay attention. “I’ll take that as a negative.”

You barely manage to spit out a dignified response. “One of these days I’m going to seriously maim you.”

“Tsk tsk, you and your threatening bodily harm tendencies. I wonder if that’s like a kink thing?” He asks as he taps his chin with his forefinger and squats down to a level that is closer to you. His dark brown hair that looks almost a shade of black sways like a river to his beat. This is much better, it hurt your neck staring up at him like he was some guardian deity.

But the action happens to highlight the ridiculous tightening of his abs. The abs you’ve painstakingly not ogled at because they are sculpted beauties. Hell, you’ve yet to meet a swimmer's body that isn’t the epitome of fitness but Jungkook’s is different. He is carved. Probably why you don’t like looking at it, stare too much and he might notice and of course, you wouldn’t want that happening.

“Jeon?”

“Hmm?” He sounds so innocent. The liar.

“Shut up before I drown you. I don’t care how long you can hold your breath. I will send you down to hell personally.”

He wiggled his eyebrows like the concept of hell was all he’d ever wanted to discuss in life. “Does that mean you’d be coming with? Fascinating. Let’s make a road trip out of it. Maybe you’ll even find some demons down to fuck all that tension out of your body. You know, DDTF. Get your exophilia on, if that’s your thing.”

Exo-what?

Beat. He’s beaten you at your own game. How the heck are you supposed to reply something snarky when all he ever does is blow the thing to epic proportions and have you running in circles. This is why the best strategy was just to simply ignore him.

You shoot him one last look that you hope is as menacing as it ought to be. You yank your goggles from resting on your forehead and dunk them in the water to get the fog out. Placing it back gingerly across your eyes, you let take in a soothing breath.

“I am serene. I am calm. There is nothing around me in existence that bothers me. I am the pinnacle of collected.” You refrain from adding tense-free.

There’s no way you’re tense after running the three and a half miles between your dorm and the swim center. You repeat the words aloud twice before you actually believe them. And then you tear back into the water. You still have roughly thirty minutes before the rest of the team comes in for practice. You’ll be damned spending all your time talking to the fool with shaggy hair and a crooked smile that made you want to burn something.

The only sound other than the whoosh in your ears and the rapid pumping of your heart as you exert yourself is the uncanny, blistering laughter of Jeon Jungkook. At least someone was enjoying your torment.

You swore at that moment that you were going to deck him someday. Even if it was the last thing you ever did. Maybe not even physically, gah, but you were going to get a time so fast, so unbelievably better that Jungkook would be dumbstruck in awe and lagging to catch up. You grin at the thought.

By the time practice comes to an end, your knee has migrated from a troublesome ache to a colossal titan. Dragging your body out of the water proves to be much a greater task that you previously took for granted. You try and fail to hold back your groans as you attempt to not limp back to the locker rooms and take a shower. Also, you need a painkiller stat.

The coach is too busy being circled by the hyena pack that is freshmen to really pay any attention to you. However, you know better than to think you’ve slipped past his radar. He’s definitely going to catch you sometime later to rim your ass for going too hard the first day of the semester. You guess that makes him a great coach in the grand scheme of things but you’d rather he let you be.

“Your knee acting up again?” Your lane buddy and a veteran senior in the program, Seokjin asks as he saddles up next to you and rips the navy blue swim cap off his head. You fear a little bit for his hair. “I thought doc cleared it?”

You sigh, not really wanting to remember last year when the university-affiliated doctor told you that you needed to take three months off swimming to heal and you’d barely lasted two weeks without going insane. You shiver at the horror of it all as you wrap your Legend of Zelda limited edition Link towel around your dripping body.

“Yeah, he did.” You send him a smile that comes off like a wince and then you give up on trying to downplay the pain altogether. “Guess it’s just not doing so hot today.”

Seokjin nods solemnly like he understands. “Some days are worse than others. I get that.”

“It be like that. I’ll be fine.”

“Do you think you’d be set for March though? Coach’s probably going to start analyzing his final picks for the comp.”

Ugh, Goddess of the Sea take me now! The National Collegiate Swim Competition is an annual event held every March and even though you’d made the cut as a naïve freshman, a knee injury caused you to be sidelined in your second year. But now though, you have to get on the final lineup. An absolute must.

Your cold heart won’t take it to be on the stands watching your teammates accomplish something you dreamed of. Something you’d worked and sacrificed so much for. You won’t stand to watch Jungkook rub it in your face how he’d come in a mere 0.6 seconds away from the first position. And you definitely won’t stand to have another year put on hold when your dream is literally right in front of you.

You bite out a laugh that sounds foreign even to your own ears. God, your knee is killing you. “You know what they say about pain.”

Seokjin gives you a quizzical look. Like he, in fact, has no idea what you mean. And you’re about to launch into a tirade about exercise mottos when you feel a tall presence step up behind you. You don’t even have to turn around to know it’s him. Of course, it’s him. Who else would encroach in on your personal space without a second thought?

“She means she’s gonna push through her limping and her tense as fuck shoulders and pull a win out of her ass. Don’t you,” the way he says your name is so patronizing, so unbelievably condescending that you whip your head up to glare at him.

“That’s impossible. If anyone knows how to take care of their body and not push their limits to insanity it’s Y/N.” Seokjin appears appalled that Jungkook would even think of such a thing. But Jungkook knows you better than anyone, albeit hatefully.

“Mm-hm. You doubt how crazy obsessed she is with winning.”

“Says you,” you spit out but it lacks your usual snark.

In truth, maybe Jungkook was right about your shoulders not being as stretched out as they should’ve been. They feel sore and they almost gave out on you during a lap. You were basically running on guts and mental fortitude for the last four laps. But you’d rather swallow butcher knives than admit that aloud for his ears to hear.

Seokjin is oblivious to the simmering tension between the two of you. Instead, he turns to you with so much concern sweeping through his posture it makes you uncomfortable and yet happy at the same time. “Take care of yourself, Y/N. There’s no point in winning if your body crashes on you, yeah?”

You know he means well and it’s not like you like lying to your senior but you know he just won’t get where you’re coming from. “Yeah,” you stare down at the suddenly interesting aqua-tiled floor.

He pats your shoulder once before he turns down the other way to the male locker rooms leaving you and Jungkook alone. You’re about to go on your own merry way — agonizingly slow of course, when a hand latches to your upper arm and stops you.

You swear you shouldn’t feel anything but your skin almost scorches at the contact. Your brain is divided: a part of you wants him to never let go, while the other half can’t get away from him fast enough. You don’t breathe, heck you don’t even move.

“Winning isn’t everything.”

You don’t mean to — truly, you don’t — but a scoff slips out of your lips before you even register it. “Coming from the golden boy that basically has a clear shot at making the lineup? Yeah, I won’t drink to that anytime soon.”

Jungkook uses his free hand to run through his hair like a maniac. And you entertain the idea that perhaps you really do get under his skin as much as he does you. The thought elates you and dilutes the throbbing in your knee to a lesser degree. He’s your biggest tormentor and you can only dream to be the same thing for him. Equivalent exchange and all that jazz.

He clicks his tongue at you and somehow that infuriates you even more. “You know what? Do whatever you want. Ruin your body for all I care.” He lets go of your arm like it’d be painful to hold it any longer. He pulls at the towel he has around his shoulders so hard that even you feel the burn and then he drapes it over his head, effectively blocking you out.

A forgotten part of you wonders why he’s so concerned about your body anyway. It’s not like he should care at all.

The two of you aren’t friends. Once upon a time that wasn’t the case but you aren’t one to cry over spilled milk much less bemoan over it. But it still rubs you some kind of way that Jungkook thinks it’s normal to voice his concern to you. The two of you are not close like that. At least, not anymore.

You scowl to yourself as you weave your way back to the locker room. You’re not much of a talker but you wave back at a few of the girls that bother to look your way. And spend a good ten minutes talking to a freshman about how she needs to stop holding her breath for long periods because all that does is make you dizzy and liable to pass out. After all that, it’s no wonder that you’re the last one out of the showers.

Tugging your baby blue beanie tight across your forehead, you curse yourself for forgetting to pack your knee brace when you left your dorm this morning. But whatever, you’ll push through it. You always do.

What you’re not expecting is to see a lithe body resting on the bench right outside the swim center. And it strikes you as odd that you immediately know in your gut that it’s Jungkook. Even though you’re too chicken now to admit it, there was a time when you’d engraved his whole body into your mind like he was a science project you were desperately in need of completing. Although his body has since gained more muscle mass and reduced way more body fat, it’s still him. No matter how hard you try to burn him out of your memory, he never leaves. You fear your only remedy might be self-induced amnesia.

What you’re not expecting is for that body clad snugly in black sweatpants, a really oversized navy sweatshirt that has ‘I AM NOT GONNA BE MERCY’ branded in fine print across his chest, and a beanie that suspiciously matches the one on your own head, to turn up and catch your gaze like he knows you’ve been staring.

You blink once and then twice and then once more just to be sure. Weird. You have no idea why he’s waiting out here and you’re even more confused as to why he owns a beanie that looks way too much like yours to be a coincidence. You shift your gaze to the sidewalk, debating if it’s worth it to strike a conversation with him. All it will do is leave you irritated, so you decide to continue to your dorm instead. Screw him and whatever he’s out in this cold as shit weather for.

“What? You’re just gonna ignore me now?”

Huffing, you pretend he’s not matching his strides to your sluggish pace.

“This is cold, even for you.”

Maybe if you keep quiet he’ll think you’ve gone magically inept in the span of forty minutes?

“You know I thought I was doing a good thing by waiting for you.”

That gets you to break your mental battle. “I didn’t ask you to do that, Jeon.”

“I know that. But what if you slid across the pavement and went straight to the dimension of hell? I have to be there for that.” He sounds genuinely invested in the matter at hand.

“I can still walk perfectly fine, thank you very much.” You almost smack your head dead against the stoned ground when your foot snags a loose edge of the sidewalk. Fuck.

“Pfft.” He’s barely holding in his laughter but you don’t cower. Har-dee-har-har. You don’t need him breathing down your neck thinking he’s doing you a favor or anything.

You don’t need pity parties hosted by Jeon Jungkook. Not again. Not after that one night that you thought was perfect and monumental when in reality all it really was a blip in his radar. You’re nothing special, or at least Jungkook thought so. It’s been years since then but that’s the funny thing about pain. It doesn’t just die down because you refuse to think about it. It simmers, it boils, it festers. Pain is a living, breathing monster and simply because you don’t devote time to it doesn’t mean it’s not taking up space under your bed.

But you are not going to think about it. Because you are definitely over it. Yep. That was it. You are over your ex-best friend and you are happy... Bah, what-fucking-ever.

Maybe he realizes that you’re not in the mood for the snark he would normally throw your way because the walk back to your dorm is relatively quiet after that. This is the most civil the two of you have been in a long while. Most of times the both of you are too busy making jabs at each other. But you’d noticed that ever since your accident last year that busted your knee, he’s been different.

You’ve yet to decide if that difference is for good or bad but it doesn’t matter because you’re back at your dormitory which means you get to sleep the rest of the day before work. Yes, maybe there is a God.

“Look, take care of yourself, okay?”

You stop on the stone steps to take him in. His hands stuffed deep in his pockets, the January chill making the tip of his nose bright red but his eyes don’t hold the same mischievous fight as before. He’s determined. You know him well enough to know that.

“I’m not going to die climbing up some stupid stairs.”

He shakes his head. Guess he’s not up for jokes then. “I mean it,” he breathes your name out with so much seriousness it stuns you. “You can be cruel to me. You can be angry at me. But don’t take it out on your body. Just... don’t.”

What does he know about cruelty? He knows not jack shit about cruelty. Cruelty was a seventeen-year-old girl waxing poetic love to a boy that she thought hung the moon, the stars and the sun only for him to trample over it just because. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was the timing, maybe it was every fucking thing in between but that night had been a changing point. Horror movies weren’t half as scary as being rejected by your best friend since before you were five and not know why. Cruelty was not whatever this limbo you and Jungkook had. You’d experienced cruelty and that was far worse.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. Not then and certainly not now.”

Pushing your body to its limits is something you have to do. Getting better at swimming is something you would die trying to attain. Not because you particularly love swimming all that much but rather because it’s the one thing, the only thing that you really do believe you can beat Jungkook in. The only thing you can compete with him and with hard work win. You have to win. You can’t stand being second place next to him. It makes you want to gag. It makes you revert back to that seventeen-year-old girl you thought you’d killed off in your origin story.

Pathetic, you think to yourself. But you won’t stop because you’ve already come so far.

You rush up the stairs and into the dorm like lightning. You’re so quick that you don’t even feel any twinge of pain ricocheting from your knee or anywhere else to be honest. You’re a running painkiller. You haul ass all the way to your room and it’s only when you’ve locked the door and released the longest sigh of your whole adult life that it hits you.

And here’s another thing about pain: it always comes rushing back.

If it’s even possible, over the next few weeks your knee becomes even worse of a problem. Waking up in the morning becomes more of a drag than usual, you can barely walk to your classes much less the swim center without your brace on and then perform a Mission Impossible skit so that the rest of the team doesn’t see the brace dangling in your locker. You’re seriously considering ripping the whole joint out. For Zelda’s sake, it has to hurt significantly less, right?

To make matters worse you’re basically lying out of your ass to Seokjin and the rest of the team that your knee is not bothering you one bit. You’re such a liar, someone needs to lock you up for it. But it’s already the end of February and you can already taste the end of it all. All you need to do is hold on by the skin of your teeth for the next couple of days and then you’ll be free. Sure, rationally you know you’re not swimming your best right now but that does nothing to deter you from what you’ve set your mind on.

“Hey, Y/N,” the voice of the Student Assistant, Namjoon stops you in your attempt to blend in with the other swim members exiting the building after a rather rough day. “You came in later than usual today. Something up?”

Namjoon is an amazing guy. Attentive but not too overbearing. A great listener but he doesn’t go overboard with trying to get you to confess your deep, darkest fears to him. But even with knowing all of this, you still don’t want to tell him a thing. You know he’ll understand, that’s not the problem. The problem is, he would seriously blow it out of proportion. All you want to do is head home, nap for a good hour or three and then head to your afternoon class and get back to crashing. Was that too much to ask?

“Yeah, I’m great. Just a little tired.”

He raises an eyebrow at you, flipping through the sheet on his clipboard. “Hmm, your times been dropping since last week. You sure everything’s fine?”

Fuck. You fumble thinking of an answer, your eyes skittering around the tiled floor till you look up and lock on Jungkook staring right back. He’s a few feet away near the front door discussing with one of the assistant coaches but for some reason, his big, brown eyes are glued to your frame. An inane section of your brain wants to beg him to come over and rescue you from lying so horribly to Namjoon. While another insane part of you wants to sneer at him and tell him to stop freaking looking at you when you’re at your worst.

“I... uh,” you stutter and return your attention back to the kind senior in front of you. “I’m fine. I promise.”

Namjoon cocks an eyebrow at you, disbelieving. “Is it your knee? We could get the team doctor — ”

Your eyes widen in alarm and you stumble away from him, your thoughts passing the point of loudness and encroaching into deafness. No way. There’s no way you’re going to let him bring up your injury and then take it up with the other coaches because you know — deep in your bones — that if he does that you won’t make the cut for the lineup talk less of being able to just attend practice. You’d be kept on the side like an invalid.

Hate.

You hate it. Your stupid knee, the stupid way you were running late to practice almost a full year ago and then proceeded to fall down a flight of stairs and dislocate your knee so bad that when the seasons shift from sunny to cloudy, your knee throbs like an ingrained weather alert.

You hate how much the pain makes you want to cry. You hate yourself for pushing yourself, even more, when you know you shouldn’t. You hate how everyone is so damn concerned about you like you somehow deserve it. You hate that you don’t deserve their kindness, not when every other athlete next to you is getting better and better by the second and you don’t want to be left behind.

“Bro, she’ll be fine.” You don’t realize your savior and yet tormentor has weaseled his way into the conversation until you you hear the soft timbre of his voice. He stands so close to you that you smell the sweet scent of vanilla from his clothes. “I mean, look at her. Her technique is still kicking ass, no one can touch her when it comes to form.”

Lips wobbling a little under the pressure of your teeth, you peer up at him. Your mind running a mile a minute trying to place what his endgame is. Why is he here? What does he think he’s doing?

Namjoon laughs, his features becoming even more stunning with the action and you glance away from Jungkook. There’s no way he bought that blatant form of flattery. “That is true. Y/N has the best technique in the program right now. Probably best in the state.”

Lies. You know there’s talk about some super senior at a neighboring powerhouse school being the best in your division. But your mind is clogged up with your loud thoughts that you don’t say anything to refute his claim.

“Anyways, let me know if you need anything, ‘Kay?” Namjoon demands your attention. “Take it easy and rest up this weekend.”

You nod profusely and Namjoon smiles at the action like your adorable. You frown at that. And then he’s gone and you’re stuck with Jungkook and the thoughts clamoring around in your head.

“I didn’t need you to save me. Or lie for me.”

“Sure,” he says but his eyes say something different. That maybe if you really didn’t want his help you shouldn’t have looked at him like a deer in headlights practically begging the floor to swallow you up. “And I wasn’t lying. You do have a better technique.”

You roll your shoulders, ignoring the praise. “Seriously. I was fine.”

“Fine my ass,” he mutters, pushing past your body and heading outside the door.

“I didn’t need your help and I don’t owe you —” The frigid air whips across your cheeks so hard that you have to stop and close your eyes for a beat. When you peel them back open you find Jungkook looking down at you without something akin to disappointment swimming in his eyes. “What?”

He stares at you for what seems like an eternity. You try not to break away from his gaze but your eyes skittle across his outfit. The beanie on his head that outrageously still looks similar to the one you have on, his grey padded jacket and a similar shade of sweatpants. And by the time your eyes reach back to his face, his focus has diverted to glaring needles at your knee.

“What?” You repeat, this time though you’re whispering like you might not like what he will say next.

“I don’t get it. You of all people know how horrible last year was. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

You suck in a deep breath, not wanting to relive your sophomore year. “Why do you care?”

“Why?” Jungkook practically stutters at the question, his already big doe eyes transforming into the size of craters. “Are you trying to prove something? To who? Me?”

“I don’t care about you, Jeon. And I don’t need to prove any single thing to you. You’re dead to me.”

“You think that by carrying this invisible burden and pushing yourself to the point of borderline insanity you’re going to get better? That you won’t burnout? That somehow you’re going to get back at me? After you’ve ruined your knee and not only ruined your chances at swimming competitively ever again but just in general? You think you’d finally feel like you’ve served me a hot plate of revenge?”

There’s no reason for him to be able to see right through you so easily. There’s no reason for him to know how stupid this whole thing is and how really the only one suffering is you. Always you. Only you. Alone.

Jungkook’s face twists into a vision of pain and you’re stunned into silence. It’s like you can tell how much your disregard for your own body is affecting him when it shouldn’t. He’s your self-proclaimed enemy that was once your friend. You shouldn’t feel like you’re hurting him more than yourself.

You don’t even feel the lone tear that slips past your walls and slides down your cheek until he moves closer and uses a smooth thumb to wipe it away. Dammit, you’re better than this.

“Not everything is about you, Jungkook.” But right now it is. For you, it is.

He nods his head once. The pain that was painted on his face morphing into something you can’t discern but his thumb doesn’t lift from your face. Instead, the rest of his fingers cradle the side of your face like they’re protecting you. You inflate at the action. After several seconds, they’re gone.

“I should go,” he states matter-of-factly.

Don’t, you want to say but the words live and die in your throat You know if you start you’d say too much. “Yeah.”

Even though you want him to make up some silly excuse as to why he has to walk you home. Like maybe you’d slip and knock yourself into the netherworld. He does nothing of that sort. He puffs out his cheeks; resembling a bunny, and then he sends you a wary smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

For the first time in ages, you don’t like the sight of his retreating back. For the first time in a long time, you don’t even have the energy to pledge eternal damnation to Jeon Jungkook. All you want to do is ask him why. Why were you not enough? Why did he hand you back your heart when all you wanted was for him to keep it. And why did he suddenly do a one-eighty in college, resorting to snide comments and remarks that make you boil but also instill air into your lungs like you are finally breathing again? Why does it seem like he still cares?

You’re on a mission to drown out everything that has to do with Jeon Jungkook. You don’t like that he has created a rupture in your stratosphere. You don’t like that you’re realizing that you’ve been waging a war but not against Jungkook like you’d originally perceived. Now now that you think about it, when has he really been a rival? You’ve really only been fighting yourself.

The two of you aren’t even in the same category. You don’t even specialize in the same swimming techniques. And now that you’re seriously going through it, has he ever really been conceited about getting better times? All he ever did was point out things you were doing off and even though you hated it, it wasn’t like he was lying.

You’re one step away from your dorm when your phone buzzes with a flurry of text messages. It’s from the swim team group chat for juniors and seniors.

Taehyung: It’s the weekend mi amigos *dancing emoji*

Vivian: whatever you’re thinking... it’s gonna be a no! from me! also i thought u were sick?

Taehyung: aw come on i havent even said anything yet

Taehyung: not! sick! it was just the flu

Seokjin: flu is a sickness, no?

Vivian: im so tired dudes,, im not going out with y’all to get smashed

Nathan: im down

Taehyung: yes!!!!

Taehyung: guys i promise! you’ll love me for it. a friend of a friend is hosting a party on Greek row. Let’s GO!!

Vivian: it’s not like we’re the only friends you have. ask someone else dude

Before you even think about it, you’re typing a response.

You: I’ll come. We don’t have training tmr so...

Taehyung: OMFG

Nathan: i had no idea you were in the chat lol

Vivian: rude. if y/n’s going then maybe she’ll keep Tae’s head on straight

Seokjin: don’t know if JK’s down but I’ll drag him out if I have to.

You: don’t do that.

Taehyung: why? don’t you guys have that whole foreplay thing going on or?????

You: WHAT

Vivian: wait i might come after all

Seokjin: Tae, leave it alone.

Taehyung: okay but it’s not my fault they both barely look at anyone other than themselves during practice. i can’t be the only one that noticed them basically eye-fucking each other all day everyday

Nathan: i second that

Vivian: ... sorry, y/n. but i third that

Seokjin: GUYS. if she leaves the chat because y’all can’t keep your mouth shut istg,,

Nathan: wait is jungkook reading this?

God, how you want the whole universe to open up and swallow you whole. Your phone feels like a hot potato in your hands. You throw the wretched thing into the back of your jeans pocket and blink over and over again as you rush into your dorm and up the elevator.

It takes the rest of the day to calm your cheeks from splitting from humiliation or embarrassment, it’s a close tie. You don’t pay attention in class, you can barely nap without the words blinking at the back of your eyelids like neon target signs.

Foreplay? Foreplay?!

You almost spontaneously combust.

You hear the telltale sound of a key unlocking your dorm room door and you hightail out of the ensuite bathroom before you can even think.

“Foreplay?!” You all but scream at your roommate and fellow swim team member, Vivian.

At the very least she looks sheepish, smiling nervously as she pushes a piece of her coiled hair behind her ear. “I thought you knew. I mean, everyone talks about it.”

“What about me wanting to rip his ass from his hole screams foreplay to anyone?!”

She shrugs, her lilac sweater falling down one brown shoulder. “I don’t know, it’s kinda sexy.” She drops her backpack on the only sofa and turns back to you. “He’s the only one you really talk to in the team so, everyone just kinda assumed y’all were either a has-been or a to-be couple.”

Wheezing, you lock your arms defiantly across your chest. “I don’t like him.”

“Yeah, okay.” Vivian laughs, unconvinced for some reason.

“I’m not kidding. He’s annoying. Always breathing down my neck like he’s my personal trainer or something. Any time I do a thing it’s like he has to say something in response, you know. I don’t hate him but I don’t... I don’t like like him.”

“Do you think he’s attractive?”

“Everyone does.”

She smirks at you like she’s caught you dead in a trap. “And you?”

You bite your lip. It’s not worth the hassle to lie. “A little bit. A teeny-tiny bit.”

“What about him do you think is attractive? And don’t mention his thighs because we all know those are in a different league of their own.”

That gets a laugh out of you. Vivian’s mouth widens at the sound. You realize then that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been hoarding things in for too long. And you appreciate Vivian because she’s always been nice and has tolerated your one-worded answers and four am showers like a champ. You want to give her an award or something.

You lean against the wall and think about her question. “Well, in a way his nagging and pushing my buttons can be seen as being attentive? I mean, he notices things about me that I don’t. And I’ve been… thinking that maybe he’s not really all that bad like I conjured up in my head.” More than that, before everything turned to shit, you thought he was the kindest, funniest person in the galaxy.

“Well, I’m no team Jungkook,” she snickers at her own Twilight reference and your lips tilt up as well. “And I won’t pretend to know what’s gone on between you and him. But whatever it is, maybe y’all just need to, like, talk it out.”

“I—”

Vivian shushes you. “You know I’m right.” She sashays to her room door and then turns back to you. “We’re going to go to Taehyung’s friend of a friend’s frat party and you’re gonna get the liquid courage to talk to him. I think everyone on the team would appreciate the whole sexual tension going on between the two of you finally being exiled into the cosmos.”

Cosmos?

You’re not really sure what happens after that. You let Vivian convince you to trade your comfortable sweatpants for an A-line skirt, tights and a stylish sweater that you’d bought on a whim. At least if you’re going to really say screw all and go for this party, you refuse to be a shivering mess.

Even though Greek Row is truly not that far from your dorm, you let Vivian drive the two of you over. She talks about everything and anything and it feels like it’s been forever since you hung out with anyone that wasn’t during scheduled practice and workout sessions.

Hell, what have you been doing for the last four years? Being obsessed with results that apparently your arch-nemesis doesn’t even care about?

Vivian tells you about the dude she’s dating and how he’s on the university’s volleyball team. You’re more surprised than you should be. You can’t believe you’ve been roommates with her for almost two years and you barely know anything about her other than surface-level shit. Oh, Zelda, this is one big bitch of an awakening.

“I’m sorry,” you say sincerely as she puts the car in park aways from the actual fraternity building. The entire street is blocked up with cars so it was hard to find any space. “For being here and yet not really at the same time.”

Thankfully, Vivian doesn’t make you sweat. “S’cool. Everyone’s got their own shit.”

“I’ve been really shitty lately.”

“Hmm, well, we can get drunk off our asses and feel really shitty together?” You decide then and there that she is amazing and only the devil will be able to pry this budding friendship out of your cold hands.

You find out that Vivian is very skilled at mixing drinks. It takes barely half an hour for you to start feeling a buzz and by your third round of whatever she stirs for you, you’ve straight up arrived at the land of Drunkenville: population; one. You’re busy debating with her and her boyfriend about how sports anime is simply the best branch of cinema to have ever been created and the one sub-genre that truly speaks about the resilience of the human spirit when you feel a heavy arm wrap around your shoulders.

“Y/N,” the voice all but screams in your ear. You hazily look up to see Taehyung’s chiseled face smiling down at you. And even your intoxicated self can tell that he’s pregamed the fuck out of this night already. “I brought lil Jungkookie for you. At first, he was all blah blah not going but when I said you were going to be here. Boi jumped like a fish in water.”

Taehyung laughs and you laugh with him, not really sure if you get the joke but happy nonetheless that he’s happy.

“‘Sup Viv and Viv’s boyfriend,” he salutes them and weirdly enough, Vivian’s boyfriend doesn’t take offense. He salutes back.

Vivian rolls her eyes but then she clasps two strong hands across your shoulders, effectively washing away the tipsy gaze from your eyes for a moment. “Now, listen. You’re going to find Jungkook and let him know how you really feel. Use all this liquid courage and let him have it. And you shouldn’t care that we’re at a party because almost everyone is drunk anyway.

And if that goes to shit and you want out of this place, don’t you dare even think of walking home, okay? You look for me. Don’t think I haven’t seen you limping your way across the dorm like a crazy bitch. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have the right. But so help me, if you so much as think of walking back I will ... I don’t know what I will do but you won’t like it! So go find Jungkook and do us all a favor and end this eternal foreplay.”

Foreplay... that damned word again. It overrides your brain system and makes you think of things you shouldn’t want. But you’re stupidly confident right now. Hell, your knee hasn’t really been bothering you since you woke up from your nap. The alcohol in your blood is dancing to its own beat and it’s lighting your system on fire.

If not now then when?

You have a gazillion and one questions to ask Jungkook. Questions you’ve kept silenced and bottled down in your heart for years. Questions that keep you up at night. And maybe its because the last month and a half has made you question everything about yourself and your ethic and your predicament, you know you have to do this now.

Fuck it. Who cares if you become the source of this boorish party’s entertainment like a walking cliché? It’s not like you’d remember anything that happens here and you only know a handful of people. Embarrassment? You don’t know her. Not today.

You find him in the basement with a cup of something near his booted feet and his gleaming eyes transfixed on the TV in front of him. His tongue poking a hole in cheek. There’s a small crowd of people around him and you take one glance at the screen and see that he’s playing Super Smash. Of course. He looks beautiful like this. Different than the last time you saw him and better because he doesn’t have that look of agony coloring his eyes.

You could probably spend a whole day just looking at him. Taking in the man that’s grown from the boy you once knew and called your own. His body is a work of art and ought to be chiseled and crafted like the sculptures of the Renaissance era. If you were any good a sculptor, you would’ve done just that. Instead, you commit him to memory. Because even though it is possible that neither of you likes each other anymore, you want to remember this.

He looks perfect like this. Happy. Not distressed and sad like when you’d confessed to him. When you had laid your heart bare before him and he didn’t even react. You wish you could say he had pried your heart out of your hands and ripped it to shreds. But that wasn’t the case. Your heart hadn’t shattered by his blatant rejection. It had melted.

You watch as his character, Link, of course, K.O’s his opponent and Player 2 Victory flashes on the television screen. He wins. Like always. You don’t feel mad like you usually do. Maybe you’ve finally accepted that there are just some things you can’t win no matter how steadfast and committed you are.

Jungkook looks up from his controller, pumping his fist in the air, his long, dark hair flopping around his face like a curtain. Your veins practically burst with electricity when his smiling eyes notice yours in the corner like you knew they would. The smile dims and you expect that. You’re not asking for a love to cure all epidemics or a lie to burn your body to ash. You just want to move on. To finally escape the purgatory you’ve put yourself in.

“We need to talk,” you try to say as loud as you can but the cheers and conversations of the people around you drown you out.

Somehow in someway, he hears you and nods his head. Maybe he’s a glutton for pain like you. He scoots out of the loveseat, standing to his full height and making pleasant excuses to his newly acquired friends that you don’t know. Maybe it’s the fake courage but you don’t take your gaze away from him. You’re going to do this. You have to — you suck in a huge breath — you must.

Once he steps into your bubble of personal space, the rest of the world fizzles out.

“This is a bundle of firsts, Ice Queen. You? At a party and instigating a conversation with me first? Damn, did you get a taste of hell without me videoing?”

“You always joke about everything,” you decide to bite the bullet. “I used to find that really cute.”

Alcohol o’ alcohol, why hath thou forsaken me? You almost look up to the heavens and question what possessed you to drink so much but then you rehear Vivian’s speech in your head and you find your resolve and strangle it.

Jungkook’s eyebrows fly up like he’s not quite prepared for this. “Wait, what are you... Are you drunk right —”

“I’m not good with words. And I’ve always sucked at speaking my mind and being thoughtful and generally being a good person. Like you,” you smile sadly when you remember the first time you ever made a friend; the boy in front of you that had offered you to come over sometime and play his GameCube with him when his older siblings were too busy to hang with him. “I’m passive at best when it comes to anything that’s not swimming. And even that, you got me into it. You were the reason I started it. You know this, I would’ve rather died than engage in anything that made me exert energy. But you made it fun until I genuinely loved it.”

“That’s not,” Jungkook shakes his head adamantly. “That’s—”

You shoot him a look. “Let me finish okay? I have this whole thing in my head and ... please, just let me say it.”

You hadn’t realized the curious looks the people around had been shooting your way until you see Jungkook scowl at any and every one before he intertwines your hands with his and pulls you out of the basement in a swift motion. You don’t mind the giddy feeling enveloping your chest at the sight of your fingers wrapped around each other. A part of you actually loves how cocooned it makes you feel. You want to bottle this feeling up and bathe in it.

He must be overfamiliar with the frat house because he leads you expertly into a room at the end of the hallway on the first floor. He shuts the door and then locks it. For a minute, he stares at your locked hands and you wonder if he feels the same pull you do. If he’s ever felt the same pull you do.

“When I handed you my heart and my everything, why didn’t you want it? Why did you act like I had committed a grievous crime against you and your glorious self?”

There. You’ve gone and said the thing. The biggest question that has plagued your mind for months and years. If your best friend didn’t even find value in you then really, was there any to begin with?

Jungkook lets out a heavy sigh that careens his shoulders down as if he’s carrying the weight of the world. A sigh so deep that it shakes his body from the vibrations visible through his black tee, and crashes into your soul. He closes his eyes for his barely a second but you wish he’d just spit it out. Pour acid on your wounds so you can feel the fire of a thousand suns and finally, fucking finally move on. Baptism by fire they call it but what you want is a goddamn exorcism.

“You thought I shat gold and that I hung the moon and that I was this perfect person when I’m not. I mean, have you listened to yourself? You think you’re a bad person because all you’ve ever done is compare me to you. But it was you and me. Not either or.

You think I really love swimming when you’re not the one egging me on? Pushing me to be better? You think I would’ve let you confess your magnificent love for me and then accept it when every sentence you said contrasted you from me. Pitted you against me? I’m competitive, you’re competitive but I didn’t think you needed competition when it came to that. You’d already won. And then I had this crazy stupid idea that maybe just being friends with you would work. I mean, love isn’t something you need to fight yourself bloody and dead for. Why would I accept this really amazing love from someone that was going to feel less than me and feel like shit for it?”

“So, what were you gonna do? Just wait till I up and decided that I was insecure and didn’t have a major inferiority complex I had no idea about?” Your sober thoughts vomit out of your mouth with impressive speed.

“I was still your friend,” Jungkook almost yells and out of his aggravation, his hands slip out of yours. The loss is staggering. He jabs his index finger into his chest. “I did everything I could do to still be your friend. But you wouldn’t talk to me. And I get that we were sixteen and there were so many ways we could’ve done better but you shut me out.”

“No, I…” You begin to say but the words die in your mouth.

Truth be told, you did shut him out. It wasn’t like you blocked him on every site. But when he tried to talk to you at school, you pretended he wasn’t there. When he stopped over at your place, you told your parents that you were sick and to keep him out. When he sent party invites on the gaming platforms the two of you shared a love for, you ignored them and turned off your console. But it wasn’t like you did all of this out of spite to begin with. It was just easier.

You were hurt. Seeing him brought on multiple feelings of shame, embarrassment, and pain all wrapped snugly like a demonic burrito. And he was your best friend, it wasn’t like you didn’t have other friends you could’ve asked for advice but the one person you wanted to talk to was the one person you couldn’t reach out to. So you didn’t think about it. Instead, you threw yourself headfirst into freezing ass water and worked your butt off with the one thing you had left.

And contrary to what Jungkook believes, he made you feel good about yourself. Like an anchor. You didn’t have to hide your nerdiness between a cold exterior so as to not get teased about it. With him, you were free. Like he was a sun that burned a path that enabled you to breathe easy. To be yourself so that you wouldn’t drown.

“You think I really go around joking with every bum on the swim team about Down To Fuck Demons for hire or that I walk every person with a rubbish knee home in fucking negative degree weather? Or that I worry about everyone that’s throwing their whole future away over a rivalry that doesn’t even exist? You think I’ve been playing the role of a pest around you because I hate you? —”

“Vehemently despise,” you choke on your words but your sense of seriousness causes Jungkook to burst into a staccato of quick muted laughter.

“Y/N,” he whispers your name like it’s a thing of beauty. And maybe it is. Right now you think so. “Firstly, I was dumb and I thought if I left things as they were maybe you’d realize how fucking awesome you were without me. But then all you ever did was practice and practice like you were training for an aquatics mafia or some shit. And then I realized that maybe you’re not the only one that sucks with words and when to say them. I should’ve told you that I did love you. Platonically. Romantically. And you made me feel great and not because you were less than but rather because being with you meant that I was my best self.”

You feel a cascade of water flooding down your cheeks like a waterfall but you don’t release a sound and you don’t really care about it because this moment feels sacred. Because you’re not crying out of pain or agony or longing. Rather it’s because you finally understand.

“You were like the sun and you were so blinding that I thought I would incinerate if I was still next to you like nothing happened.”

“Ha,” Jungkook scoffs, using a palm to run across his face. Then he squints his eyes at you like he’s seeing you anew for the first time. “If I’m the sun then you are —”

“The sun eater.” The words fly out of your mouth with ease. Quoting your fave anime characters was a thing the two of you had done relentlessly for days, heck, years.

Jungkook nods his head, elated that you remember like there was ever a time you’d forget My Hero Academia. “I’m not gonna apologize for not accepting your confession back then. I can’t. Not when I genuinely think neither of us knew what the fuck we were doing back then. Still don’t.”

“And I’m not going to say sorry for pulling away from you. I mean, I’m not a masochist.”

He lets out a throaty laugh that washes your insides clean. And you give a watery smile back, feeling soberer than you did a couple hours ago. You bet you look worse for wear but you don’t care because you’re done not pretending.

“Why did it take four years for me to...” your voice chokes and you almost break down right then and there. But your stubbornness is a thing of pride. “For us to finally talk about it. It would’ve made so much more sense if we had just talked and now I feel like I’ve wasted four years of my life being angry? Feeling discarded? But it’s not like that at all.”

Jungkook’s smooth yet experienced hands cradle the sides of your face and the overflowing tears pool in the flesh that connects his thumbs to your skin. “Friends fight all the time.”

You snort and he grins. “Most friends aren’t half as dumb as us.”

“You got that right. I think dumbness is attractive.” He says with an overflowing aura of achievement. “This just means we’ll just have to spend more time making up for it.” He dips his head down till his lips brush the tip of your ear. “And by the way, I think I’m done being your friend exclusively,” he says.

“Yeah?” You ask and for an inane reason, you smile even harder because the tears on your face feel like rain. And you’re still breathing easier, albeit a tad bit faster. But there’s no crash and burn after you’ve soared too close to the sun. Unlike before your heart feels like it’s glowing instead of charring.

“I think I want to take you out on a date.”

Your eyes widen with faux-horror. “Just one?”

“Oh my Zelda, can I at least finish my grand speech?” He rolls his eyes. “As I was saying, it won’t be one date but you know that kinda depends on if you’re still god at Fortnite. I mean, partying up is basically the same as marriage, you know?”

“Kook?”

“Yeah?”

“Your inner nerd is showing.”

Jungkook sputters loudly, the action making his hair swish across his forehead and his hands drop from your face. “Oh, forgive me. I thought you loved my nerdiness.”

“Love,” you correct him. “Present tense.”

His mouth practically breaks even with the floor with how wide he’s gaping. You haven’t sprouted a second head, have you?

You clear your throat, attempting to be blasé about the whole thing. “Well, if we’re really going to pursue this whole dating thing then I have to be honest, right? I think it’s quite sexy how knowledgeable you are about gaming and stuff even though we’re like hardcore athletes.”

“So I’m like an onion? Three dimensional? The more you get to know me, the more you love how I’m not like Other Guys trademark sign?”

You guffaw so hard you almost start crying all over again. “Oh my Zelda, we were having a moment. Why did you ruin our moment?”

“Think I can make up for it.” He looks at you with something akin to competition and licks his lips.

Your eyes falter at the action, zeroing in on them. Suddenly the distance between yours and his feels like a crime against humanity. It’s comical really, how the temperature of your body can fly from ice cold to a blazing inferno in less than minutes.

“Fuck,” you whisper.

“As you wish.”

Jungkook bends his lips to connect with yours in a swift motion. You’re surprised but a part of you must have anticipated it because you are pushing deeper into him as quickly as humanly possible. His arms snake across your waist, his hands landing squarely on your ass and his groan eliciting a magnitude of butterflies in the pit of your stomach as his tongue danced an infinite tango with yours. Smoothly, he backs you up until you feel your head tap a wall for support.

Holy crap shit. Your mind is a mess. No wait, your mouth is a mess. A warped sense of dizziness floods through your body and it has nothing to do with the alcohol you consumed earlier and everything to do with the sensuous teeth nipping at your bottom lip while his hands deftly squeeze your ass. Fuck, you can’t breathe. You don’t want to breathe. You cling unto his shoulders for stability and revel at how corded they feel under your touch.

He tears his lips away from yours, breathless, resting his forehead against yours. “God, you’re gonna be the death of me.”

“You can’t die until we get to the part where we role-play as demon and a naive spell caster.” You’re out of breath as well because that kiss was something else. Divine, maybe.

“I get to be the demon though, right?”

You grin at that. “Of course. I’m not a heathen.”

This time you kissed him, pushing all thoughts of future escapades further away from your mind and focusing on the beautiful man in front of you. Reaching up, you dig your hands through Jungkook’s abundant hair and moan. You understand then what it must have been like for Icarus to fly off to the sun. It must have scorched his skin to death within seconds, and yet at the same time, it must have been oh so slow. And you doubt he despaired because in the end he was heading home and he was finally not alone. You understand so well because the more the fire in your veins expands, the more you come close to burning up entirely. And you love it. You’re losing all control and you don’t care because he’s losing his alongside you.

Everything turns into a mess of frenzied motions. Him reluctantly removing a hand from your ass to reach up and use his fingers to clasp around your throat and position it just right enough for him to latch his lips there and suck. hard. When he pulls away from you to admire his handiwork, the lopsided grin on his face almost sends you into another need to kiss him.

“I’m not gonna fuck you at a frat party when only Zelda knows how many losers have cummed on a singular bedsheet,” he announces without remorse.

“Fair enough.”

“But I am going to do very wicked things to you that’ll loosen up those shoulders to the point of being supple. And after that, you’re gonna promise me that we’ll go get your knee checked out later.”

A few hours you would’ve kicked and screamed at the idea of anything derailing your plan of getting on the lineup for the competition. You thought that admitting you need help meant that you were quitting. Punishing yourself for something so irrevocably at out of your control. Now though, you nod your head drowsily. You hate the doctors but you hate self-destructing even more. Especially now when you have someone that hurts when you hurt.

He’s unraveling you.

“I’ll go.”

His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, not believing how easily you’ve conceded to him. “Where has my sweet, stubborn Ice Queen gone? Bring her back to me, please. All this ecstasy must have gone to her head.”

God, whoever said you still won’t want to deck Jungkook even after experiencing something so explosive. But his grin threatens to split your heart two. Like he’s happy to just be with you, adoring you, joking with you. Oh, how your body is singing with praises.

“Yours?” You cock an eyebrow at him.

Jungkook beams. He’s the sun and you’re the moon. Now that you’ve tasted this, you’re never going to let go. You are simply submerged.

“Haven’t you realized? You’re my girl.”

a/n: i know very much that i took a lot of liberty when writing about collegiate swimming/sports in generral (i took an advanced swim class at my uni last semester so thats where all my info comes from) i tweaked it a lil bit to fit my purposes but it was fun to try to write about it hehe.

i hope you all loved this fic as much as i loved writing it!!!!

⇢ masterlist

©️ 2020 kai, high-on-food. ✉

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theholycovenantrpg · 4 years

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In the beginning was LUCA RICHE, a RESURRECTED loyal to the cause of the MORTALS. He is said to be THIRTY and uses HE/HIM pronouns. In this New Testament he serves as a MEMBER of the ROUND TABLE and is THE REINCARNATION OF ABEL. Blessed be his name.

THE INDELIBLE MARK.

The Riche name has by and large been revered as something formidable -- as great and grand as it was spat upon and cursed. It was due to its rather harrowed legacy, having been one of the reasons why the Holy Land was acquired by the angels and demons to begin with, but at great cost. It was Luca’s ancestor that ordered battalions to batter the gates of the Heretics, resulting in a pyrrhic victory that could have been avoided had they simply sought the aid of their celestial allies. Luca’s own absentee father was renowned for his determination to obtain glory, the soldiers that he commanded knowing that the odds of returning with legendary tales was great, but the possibility of inglorious deaths was perhaps even greater. Luca has since taken the family name and cast it in a new light, painting it in hues of valiant gold. Though there have been whispers that his brother might undo it all with his rather macabre practices and his darker inclinations, casting shadows where Luca only ever seeks to illuminate and shine. They are brothers, though, bound by blood; when they rise, it is together. When they fall, it will be together as well.

THE HISTORY.

When he was born, his mother said, wailing and screaming with his red cheeks -- it was as though he beckoned the sun with his newborn song, until it had no choice but to drift closer and kiss his brow with its warm, golden light. None could blame the sun for daring to scorch the earth with its rays if it meant, for one gleaming moment, that it might bask in the gaze of Luca Riche. None so pure, so beautiful had ever been born to this world; none with a smile that rivaled the beauty of dawn, none with a heart that could have set a condemned man on the path to redemption. All saw this, all knew this -- and they loved him for it, too enthralled to have envy on their mind, too enraptured to ever think to covet what he had. What an idyllic childhood that he had, as though the blessings he was granted -- seemingly through the grace of what god there was, whether they have a hundred eyes or more -- and only sought to reap in more, so that all might share in the goodness and beauty that life had to offer. And each night, he would fall asleep with a smile upon his face, tucked under his mother’s arm while she combed his hair back and weaved for his sleep-ridden mind tales of adventure and glory, with a hero bedecked in gold that was forever destined to indulge in the fruits that life had to offer with his lover by his side. There was no place for shadows in the sun-drenched household of Luca Riche and his mother, no, there was only room for laughter so loud it could rival a bell’s toll and sweet sighs of contentment.

But the sun must set even on its most beloved of children -- and soon the bells tolled in memoriam of his father whose visits were few and far between, and the sweet sighs turned into mournful sobs that never seemed to make the wide maw of emptiness in his heart abate. All for a father he never knew, for a man that was more fables than memories. But even while stumbling through the darkness of loss, he was able to find a burning torch to pierce through the fog -- to guide him. This guiding light came in the form of a boy, as gangly as he, with shrewd eyes and a wicked grin -- when others were granted the great blessing of witnessing it. To Luca, this newfound brother was the closest thing to salvation; someone to share adventures and glory, triumphs and conquests. It was a rather difficult thing to do, though, when one shines in the light of the blessed son, adored and blessed, while the other seems to cling to the shadows that are his intimate companions. It is made even more difficult when his mother, so gentle and sweet, seems to spit venom as savagely as a viper when his brother draws near -- the woman very well recoiling at his very presence like a snake, tail lashing and fangs poised. No matter how sweetly he beckoned her to have mercy upon his brother, so shrouded in darkness -- clinging to it because he knows no better. But when has a snake known to do anything other than strike?

Still, Luca chased after his brother, intent on ensuring that the stories told of their great triumphs and conquests would speak of the two as though they were one. Like the sun, he chased after Jasper, the moon of his life -- intent on perpetually being just out of his brother’s reach. Luca followed his brother to the flourishing Holy Land, joining Jasper in his endeavor to become a soldier. Together they trained until their muscles ached and groaned, until their bodies were sore and bedecked in hues of purple and blue, rising before the dawn and sleeping in the barracks long after the stars danced in the night sky. The name Riche was a formidable one, a legacy name that was established by their father -- an infamous captain loved and hated in equal measure, and it was with no small amount of trepidation that Luca shouldered the burden of his father’s fallen reign. He sought to right the trespasses that had been committed against the undeserving, to do better than the blood-stained legacy that had been left to him. And the people of the city saw how determined he was to carry the weight of the world upon his back, mortal though he might be -- and they revered him for it, his name a call of justice and salvation upon their lips. The son of the sun; the scorching rays that purged any darkness or discord away. It was not long before he sat at the table of the elect, among the glorified and elite of the city, a boy that was born in a village, now a lord, a knight...a near king.

The gilded knight, whose visage might very well be etched in gold, rose from his humble beginnings -- perpetually seeking to cast his light in even the most despondent sanctuaries of darkness. They harken him as a saint, as a savior, and truly it is all he has ever known; how to save those who do not have the means to reach salvation, how to rise up from the ground when he has been beaten time and time again. But there are moments, when the moon shines bright and he is left to his own devices, that he can’t help but wonder what more could there be for his destiny? How much would be asked of him to cauterize or give away? As the city sits on the precipice of an age that might render only anarchy or harmony, it becomes more clear to Luca that the only way to usher in an age of peace is through sacrifice and loss. No great story that he has ever been told allowed the hero to continue on his way without sacrificing something great, whether it be an eye for all the knowledge of the world or their life for the redemption of the world. There is no doubt in his mind that, should they ask for it, he might very well tear his heart from his chest and give it to the people of the city if they told him that it was the only kindling that could offer them any warmth. He was a boy that was kissed by the sun -- he was destined to only ever burn in a glorious crescendo of ash and flames.

THE CONNECTIONS.

JASPER RICHE: Half-brother. What a treasure it is, to have a brother -- he had always thought himself to be so alone in the world until blood called to blood, binding the two Riche men together. Though they are at odds in nearly every way imaginable, there is no one who Luca would rather have at his side. Did not the day complement the night? Did not the stormy sea crash against the immovable rocks? The glaring differences that they were faced with only seemed to Luca like the natural balance of the universe for a spirit as bright and inexhaustible as his. They contrasted one another and in doing so only served to highlight one another’s strengths while compensating for the flaws that they were too blind to see in themselves. One would think that with the second chance awarded to him by Fate that he would have finally seen that love does not drive everyone. And if it is the singular thing that drives him -- and him and his brothers serve to contrast one another, what would drive his brother? What is the opposite of love, save but the absence of it?

ROMILDA ALTIER: Kindred Spirit. It was inexplicable, what drew them to one another so innately -- yet neither of them has ever thought to question it. Why should they ever think to question what is so clearly a blessing? What is so clearly something to horde and keep safe when Fate was so benevolent as to grant it? They are two blistering, burning souls that dance around one another in perpetual harmony, laughter ever present on their faces, secretive smiles shared as they glance at one another from across the Round Table. What is between burns so bright that it comes as no surprise that they are blinded by their devotion to one another -- for the most part. Romilda sees the shadows that hound his steps, that seek to leech from him the peculiarly unique light that he exudes. She is no stranger to the different forms monsters can take -- how they might take on the countenance of those you care for. Unlike her counterpart, though, she has no problem vanquishing them before they seek their teeth into the flesh of someone that holds her heart.

CAPHRIEL: Enchantress. She harkens to him, calling out for his attention, his devotion. It wraps around him like a shroud, until he knows nothing but the warmth of her voice, the sweetness of the song that she sings for him and him alone. He knows how the others might interpret this formidable thing that has spawned between them, but who is he to fight what feels like the entirety of the universe drawing them together? What transpires between them is the stuff that ballads are made of; epics so long that the bard’s voice grows hoarse before he reaches the tail end of it. She is his siren song, and he longs for nothing more than to fling himself to the abyss of the sea and let the waves take him where they may, whether it be the depths of the ocean or to an island far away. But for once, he is practicing restraint -- for once he is determined to see past the adoration that blinds him. He prays that this does not cost him what very well might be a gift from the Hundred-Eyed God.

SAMAEL: Curse. It is rare that creatures leave a bitter taste on Luca’s tongue -- and yet here Samael is, the singular exception that proves the rule. It is not easy, shirking the way that the demon’s gaze slithers along the plane of Luca’s face so familiarly. Nor is it easy for the mortal to bite on his tongue when Samael regards him in a far too familiar fashion. What’s worse, though, are the restless nights that he suffers long after their encounters -- headaches plaguing him and clamoring against his mind with no reprieve. With them come a barrage of memories that are not his, that root themselves out of the chasms of his mind, making themselves unnervingly at home. Yet when he awakes, he is filled with longing. So much so that he finds Samael’s presence and endures it again and again in the quiet hope that these pains might make sense of themselves and show him what might be his Fate.

Luca is portrayed by Daniel Sharman and was written by ROSEY. He is currently TAKEN by HAYLEY.

#lsrpg #literate rp #fantasy rp #new rp #rpg #m #r #luca riche #cm #c

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btsandvmin · 6 years

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Vmin - Scenery, Promise and song connections

This is a really long Vmin analysis, because I feel like Jimin and Taehyung’s songs are connected. I’ve thought so for a long time about most of their solo songs, but now after Promise and Scenery I had to make a proper analysis about it.

I know making everything about shipping isn’t a good thing, but in this case I just can’t help but to speculate. As you will see in this post there are just so many things now that I have to ask myself if it could really all be a coincidence. I personally think they are trying to tie their songs together for one reason or another. This post is not meant to prove Vmin, but to analyze the possible connections between their songs.

I will talk about the things from Jimin and Taehyung’s solo songs that match, and how it’s really starting to feel like at least some of it might be on purpose and that their songs are meant to connect in some ways. I have written several posts on topics brought up in this analysis before, so there might be some repeated points, but that’s because I want all the relevant parts in one place, and not spread out. Some things are likely very farfetched, but I still chose to include them since it’s still possible that some of them could have been done on purpose.

Nothing I say is meant to take away from the songs or the hard work that was put into making them. I will talk about several other songs besides Scenery and Promise, as well as other things that I simply find very interesting from a Vmin shipper’s perspective.

I will also bring up a few lgbt+ references but those are not there because they are necessarily directly connected to Vmin and to prove anything about their sexualities, but rather to show examples of Big Hit and BTS using some references on purpose that seem to show support for the lgbt+ community.

This post is a little messy, because there are so many small things that cross reference each other, but I’ve tried to divide it into different parts to make it a bit easier and l hope it’s comprehensible.

I’ll talk about the lyrics, them wanting to make songs, outside connections between Vmin and their songs, as well as the interesting timeline and possible hints from the Promise and Scenery ”promotions”.

It’s also really long. Let’s start!

1. Lyrics

As I said I want to talk about Scenery and Promise, but I feel I have to go through a few other things first. I’ll start with some similar lyrics that I want to point out. It might all be coincidental, but I feel it’s worth brining up. What’s interesting here is that several of Taehyung’s and Jimin’s songs have a few lyrical connections. It could just be that they like similar phrases or topics, but you will likely see what I mean.

Because it’s not the first time Vmin’s songs have had matching lyrics or themes I want to go back and talk about Lie and Stigma first. I’ve talked about these songs before in my post “Vmin - The Sun, the Moon & The whole universe” but clearly the theory keeps getting bigger and changing as more things come out, so I want to mention it here again. Both are also songs that have some speculated lgbt+ themes, but we really have no way to know if that’s true. It could be about mental health, self image or a lot of other things, but it’s still worth considering.

Let’s start looking at the lyrics.

Lie: I’m still the same me The me from before is still here but The lie that’s gotten too big Is trying to swallow me up

Caught in a lie Find the me that was innocent I can’t free myself from this lie Give me back my laughter

Jimin sings about being unhappy and unable to escape his situation, something has happened that has forced him to feel like this and lie. This fits rather well with the “Love yourself” theme, and could be Jimin’s guilt about how he lies about who he really is.

Then looking at Stigma you also have these lines:

Stigma: Even if I try to hide it Or conceal it, it can’t be erased Are you calling me a sinner

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins Where I can’t turn back Please let me be punished Please forgive me for my sins

Taehyung’s song is in my opinion more likely to connect to lgbt+ themes, but it could still be something else as well. He is sorry about something, but he can’t change it.

Meaning that in both songs we have a theme of feeling like you have done something wrong and even though they want to be rid of these parts of themselves they are unable to change it. They are looking back at their past selves, but also realize that they can’t escape their current situation that is hurting them both. Tae talks about hiding parts of himself that won’t disappear, and Jimin struggles with living in a constant lie. These are lyrics that could have some lgbt implications. (Other BTS songs could also possibly have lgbt+ meanings, like Boy meets evil, but I’ll keep it to Vmin here.)

Assuming the songs are sung from their own perspective, let’s look at the lyrics that match more directly.

Lie: Tell me With your sweet smile Tell me Tell me like you’re whispering into my ears

Jimin is urging someone on to tell him something. And then in Stigma Tae on the other hand talks about telling someone something. He mentions both telling something, and being told something in Stigma.

Stigma: I’ve been hiding it I tell you something Just to leave it buried

Stop crying, tell me something Try saying to me, who had no courage

Why did you do that to me then

I’m sorry Forget it, what right do I have To tell you to do this, or that

It looks like they have both hurt someone and been hurt by someone. For Lie the song mentions the person, Jimin, suffering. In Stigma the lyrics talks about another person suffering because of Taehyung. Which means they have opposite perspectives in the lyrics that match.

Lie: I can’t free myself from this pain. Save the me who’s being punished

Stigma: Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day. (You) who was punished in my stead

Later on in Serendipity Jimin talks about being saved, which relates back to his lyrics in Lie as a possible continuation.

Serendipity: You are my penicillium The one who saved me

The theme of Lie is also brought up again in Promise. This all matches well with the Love Yourself theme and BTS hiding parts of themselves behind “masks”, but even beyond the theme I still find the matching lyrics between all these songs quite interesting.

Promise: ”I say that it's all fine. The truth is that's a lie” and ”That's not what I truly think”

Then there is Serendipity and its connections to Singularity, mostly it’s the images that connect these songs (I’ll talk a little bit about it later on), but looking at the lyrics we have a few lines that could match up as well.

Singularity: In the dream I shortly went into Serendipity: This isn’t a dream

Singularity: “I don’t have a voice” and “I buried my voice for you” Serendipity: You can feel it even if you don’t say it

A small but interesting line that matches between Promise and Singularity that made me react was the line about throwing yourself away, because it feels a little bit more unusual to use this line.

Promise: Don't throw yourself away, oh, oh Singularity: If I shouldn’t have thrown myself away

This one might not really be anything, but since it’s about being warm and cold and also matches with going and footprints I felt it was worth considering either way.

Serendipity: I go to your flower. As if I’ve been waiting. We bloom till it gets cold Scenery: If you leave your footprints, I'll keep you warm

(The part about blooming until it gets cold from Serendipity also matches the images of Singularity quite well, but I feel this is likely not done on purpose.)

Moving on we can also see some similarities between Serendipity and 4 O’clock. Both songs were written by Namjoon (at least partly), so the similarities could have to do with his personal taste, but even so looking at the songs they both talk about the moon and the universe. The biggest reason for why I bring up 4 O’clock is because we know that they at least took some inspiration from the feeling that Taehyung got while waiting for Jimin in the park.

There is one line in the song that I also find interesting as it references a movie called Moonlight which is a famous lgbt+ movie.

4 o’clock: Just like that movie, like the line (from the movie) The entire world is blue inside the moonlight

And it’s hard to ignore that Scenery links back to the one specific moment in 4 O’clock that we know for a fact was at least to some degree inspired by Jimin.

Scenery: I'm putting my feelings in the park after the early morning moon This song is headed for you I hear the sound of film from the moon at night

In a way I feel like Scenery is the continuation of 4 o’clock with a few similar lines.

4 o’clock: I wrote a long, long letter to the moon. It would not be brighter than you. But I lit a small candle

Scenery: I'll collect a piece of moonlight and make a light

Taehyung seems to like these references with light and brightness a lot as he also uses it in Stigma.

Stigma: That light, that light, please illuminate my sins

But now I want to put the lyrics of Scenery and Promise next to each other. First the word light appears again, which works well with both 4 o’clock, Scenery and Promise.

Promise: I want you to be your light, baby. You should be your light Scenery: I'll collect a piece of moonlight and make a light

And the lines I’m sure most people reacted to were when Jimin and Taehyung uses the word “mine” in English which will make people notice it even more than if they had sung it in Korean, or if only one of them had used English. Especially since the songs were released so close to each other.

Promise: You're hurting too 'cause you're mine Scenery: I want to make you mine

Further in the start of Promise we have lines about Jimin being hurt as well. Which I interpret as Jimin in Promise is saying they are hurting each other because they are each other’s.

Promise: You probably don’t even know When you started hurting me

This could be a link back to Stigma and Lie again, with hurting and being punished/suffering because of each other and feeling guilty about who they are.

My own thoughts here are that in a lot of Vmin’s songs we can find some quite interesting lines that both bring up the same references and in some instances even work well as replies to each other.

On top of this we also know that Tae wrote a Christmas song that he wanted to sing with Jimin (but it got rejected) and in that song Taehyung also referenced brightness/light as well as stars. (And snow which he also uses in Scenery, but this is a Christmas song, so probably just a coincidence.)

Taehyung’s Christmas song: Happy Christmas, at the end of this Winter There’s Christmas meant for you and me Under the lighting, your smile makes the stars shine more Happy Christmas, at the end of white snow There’s you shining brighter than ever, feels smile Shy smile of yours, feels good.

So looking at the lyrics of these songs, we have possible connections between Lie, Stigma, 4 o’clock, Serendipity, Singularity, Promise and Scenery as well as Taehyung’s Christmas song. Now, I personally think that the fact that there are this many matches between their songs in is really interesting.

However, I am aware that songs like “Save me” and “I’m fine” could connect too, especially to Taehyung, but also because of Jimin’s lyrics in Lie about wanting to be saved and then in Promise where he says he is fine, but it’s a lie. Like I said, they match the theme of “Love yourself”. Perhaps there is an even bigger theory here that connect other members as well, and the things that come from Big Hit could have other intentions, and maybe Vmin just happen to represent certain things. But for this post at least I will obviously only be talking about Vmin.

I also have to recognize that there could be more meanings to the songs than just one. Like how we know that Promise is a song Jimin partly sings to himself, and partly to ARMY. Either way I just recommend looking up the lyrics and several theories on these other songs and how they connect in general, even outside of Vmin analysis. (We can easily drift into BTS Universe analysis here, especially with Tae and Namjoon’s connection to Save Me/I’m fine, so I’ll leave that now.) What I am essentially saying is that some connections can be because of the BU and might have less to do with Vmin themselves.

As a side note, all of these songs are also gender neutral, something that BTS have started to do more and more with their songs (just another sign of their lgbt+ friendliness).

There is also a possible reference to an lgbt+ book that Namjoon has been seen reading with Tae’s face from Singularity. This is not connected to Vmin, but I wanted to highlight the fact that BTS does seem to apply a lot of lgbt+ references to their stories and concepts. This is just one of many examples.

So now that we have talked about the lyrics and connections between the songs themselves I also have some other things I feel I want to acknowledge that makes this much more interesting in my opinion. Like I said, the lyrics and connections could all be coincidental, or just due to similar experiences or producer’s preference, or even as a part of BTS’s general stories and messages, but there are other reasons for me to connect Taehyung and Jimin’s songs.

The lyrics on their own are interesting, but hardly obvious enough to claim they are done to match on purpose. What I want to talk about next is in regards to things we have heard from Jimin and in particular Tae about writing songs that could strengthen the support for the theory that Vmin has written songs for or about each other.

2. About making songs

This point is basically some things they have expressed about making songs. In general I think it’s important to remember that Taehyung really seems to want to write songs for, or at the very least somehow connected to, Jimin.

We already have several moments of Taehyung expressing his want to include Jimin in some sense for his songs. I’ve already mentioned 4 o′clock, which Namjoon has confirmed two times is at least partly connected to Jimin. First in a fan café post when the song was first released. The post was later edited to remove the part about Jimin.

Then Namjoon mentions Jimin again in the behind the scenes making off the song, so we do know that Jimin was on Taehyung’s mind for at least certain parts of when he made the song.

Another example is when he talked about wanting to write a song and give it to Jimin during the dinner party for FESTA 2018. From what I can recall I don’t think Tae has mentioned any other member when he has been talking about making songs.

We also have it confirmed that Big Hit has denied Tae to sing one of his songs with Jimin as he originally wanted to because they didn’t think the lyrics were fit for two men to sing. Which probably has little to do with Vmin, but is non the less interesting. Tae talked about this in a vlive on the 5th October 2018, and it seems like he made the song for Christmas 2017. I recommend watching the full clip where he talks about it, but in short he seemed rather upset that he didn’t get to sing the song with Jimin and even though he said he liked the version with their producer Adora he still doesn’t want to release it. It was a bit odd for him to even talk about this in my opinion and at the very least it does show that the he would have no problem, and rather really seemed to want to sing such “romantic“ lyrics together with Jimin. (Read more on that in my post “Big Hit, BTS, Vmin and LGBT”)

I don’t have much from Jimin and nothing that specifically mentions Tae, but I will include this bonus mini analysis that could be relevant. In this clip from vlive “BTS 방탄소년단의 LETS SHARE THE HEART” Jimin gets asked what he would like to give to the person he loves as a gift. This was Christmas 2016, meaning it’s the year before when Tae said he made the Christmas song that he never got to sing with Jimin.

Looking at Jimin’s answer, he accidentally says “we” before he corrects himself to “I” (it might be an honest mistake since they are a group and usually make songs together, but still) and then says he would like to give the person he loves a song. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Tae listened and decided to do the same, no matter if his feelings are romantic or platonic.

Then a month later, Christmas came around… And guess what we got? Taehyung and Jimin released some small clips singing a Christmas song (their own rendition on the song “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” by Sam Smith an artist that Tae idolizes a lot who also happens to be gay). Jimin was teasing Tae in the clip changing the lyrics to “Taehyung-ah. Are you having fun?”

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It would not surprise me if this moment when Jimin said he wants to give a song as a gift to the person he loves lead to Taehyung’s idea to write songs for or about Jimin as well.

Like I said, Taehyung has now connected Jimin to his songwriting at three times. First for 4 o’clock which we learned about thanks to Namjoon, though the statement was later removed from his written post. Secondly when Jimin wanted a song, and begged Suga to give him one, only for Tae to declare that he would give Jimin a song. Thirdly with the Christmas song, which we know he wanted to record and sing with Jimin, but which got denied by the producer. So, I personally think that Tae has given us a lot of reason to see possible connections between Jimin and his songs.

Then, going on to my next point I want to talk about outside references that in different ways connect Vmin and their songs together. Some of these might be from Vmin themselves, but not all of them are. And it’s difficult to tell if they are made with purpose and if these other people would have insight into what the songs mean. Which means these references really vary in importance, but I decided to include them anyway.

3. Connections between songs and Vmin

Like I mentioned Singularity and Serendipity share a lot of similar (or rather mirrored) scenes. These two videos are linked in a way no other solo MV’s are, especially through symbolic contrasts like sun/moon, warm/cold, mask on/mask off, happy/sad etc.

Some of the scenes are so specific I personally think it’s definitely done on purpose. However this could just be an esthetic choice and might have nothing at all to do with them.

These connections are a bit different, since they are not made by Jimin and Tae themselves. Meaning they might not be relevant to Vmin’s relationship per say, but there is always the possibility that Big Hit as well are trying to make connections between Vmin in their MVs.

We know there has been a lot of other intentional Vmin moments in other MVs, so I’m unsure about the things from Big Hit, since it could have another reason behind it. But I don’t think we should ignore the possibility that Big Hit could be doing this to connect Tae and Jimin, especially since they have done it in other BTS songs as well.

We have Vmin with the character for “love” in Idol.

And there is the whole Yin and Yang theme that Big Hit has used them for.

We even have some interesting things from Spring Day, like their choreography having matching moves that link them.

If you are curious about more Vmin connections in Singularity, Serendipity and other songs you can read this post as well – “Taehyung and Jimin - Yin and Yang”

Another thing that is kind of connecting Vmin to Serendipity is this tweet by Hitman Bang PD where he used lyrics from Serendipity, though translated into English. In it he has linked a video of Jimin and Taehyung fooling around in their hotel room. The video is named “Nick name T-shirts (95z cam #1)” so it is connected to Vmin in that sense.

I wasn’t sure if I should include it, since I am pretty sure it’s just a reference to their collaboration with the Chainsmokers as he even tagged it with ChainsmokersxBTS. Their song is played in the clip with Jimin and Taehyung, so it’s likely not really supposed to be about Vmin at all.

But the fact that he used lines from Serendipity and not from Best of Me, which was the song they made together, was just interesting.

“It might be meant to be... Universe has moved.“

Probably nothing, but still a connection between Vmin and Serendipity.

Another one from Big Hit, which I admit is likely just done for fun and has probably little to do with Vmin, is from the 4th muster where Jimin places a calico cat next to Tae who is supposed to be a sleeping ARMY.

Again, these are from Big Hit so it’s likely these connections are of a different kind, but I decided to include them anyway. Something else to note is that Big Hit has on several occasions in their edited videos of BTS used 4 o’clock (and Spring Day) as background music several times during “Vmin moments”.

But one that is from Taehyung and Jimin themselves is that Tae made a customized phone case for Jimin saying “fungus” as a reference to the lyrics “You are my penicillium” in Serendipity.

Jimin even took a picture of the case specifically.

It was also speculated, though never confirmed that Tae and Jimin was out together on that day as they both posted photos from Brooklyn.

Also looking at the meaning behind the blue/green mold Jimin has given us is that “You are my savior, and I live because of you.”

It’s said in the making of the Serendipity MV and it’s meant to be about ARMY, but the message and the fact that Tae chose to make the fungus/blue mold reference in particular is still interesting to consider. Also, Jimin has in fact referred to Tae as his savior before (even though it’s likely too old to matter in connection to this post).

Going back in time again, I also found this really old translation of the famous Vmin tweets from October 8th 2014, but I honestly think the promise part might be incorrect because I can’t find it anywhere else.

V: "Together we made a promise, let’s not forget this night view jimin-ah! Let’s keep going for a long time. I only have you" JIMIN: "Let's keep going for the rest of our lives, my friend" - October 8 2014 @BTS_twt

Either way, even without the “promise” part being there in the actual text, the image of their linked hands and the night scenery does seem to fit the titles of their songs really well. So, just another small observation that might be purely accidental but otherwise is a possible throwback to one of the most iconic Vmin moments.

I also have to mention Docskim, because he was involved in making Lie, and now also with Tae’s Scenery. It’s possible he is close enough to the boys to know the meaning behind the songs.

Jumping back in time a little he posted a photo to his Instagram the same day Serendipity was released, which was exactly one year after Lie. And it also happened to be on “Vmin day”, which is September 5th, aka 95z day. On that day Docskim posted a picture of Jimin and Tae, with the comment “ Caught it a lie. My favorite kids.”

So that is another outside connection to be added between them and their songs. I don’t know why Docskim used that specific line from Lie, or why he referenced the song at all a full year later, but he did. It could of course just be promo to celebrate one year since Lie came out.

A tiny detail is that this was also the day that BTS changed their logo to the rainbow colored one for the Love yourself series. (Since it started with the release of Serendipity)

It might be nothing, but Docskim has mentioned Lie in relation to Vmin at another time, which makes me think it is deliberate. That post is since deleted.

I also think it’s an interesting detail that Docskim apparently wanted to post the making of Lie, but isn’t allowed. It’s probably not really vmin related, but it reminds me of Tae’s Christmas song not being allowed and that there are clearly rules made that limit what they all can do.

Now, as you see there are quite a few small things that have connected Vmin and their songs to each other in various ways. There are probably also a lot of small things that I could have missed here. I feel these are interesting but it’s difficult to know if they have any deeper meaning, or simply just happened to fit this narrative of mine and of Vmin’s songs already having some similarities.

But back to Promise and Scenery. The next part might get quite messy, because I wanted to bring up several things from the release and promos for the songs, as well as some interesting connections. I hope it will still make sense, because personally I feel this is what might tie everything together for real.

4. Scenery and Promise

There are a few aspects that link Promise and Scenery together outside of the songs themselves, and the first part is rather obvious. Let’s look at the covers for their songs, starting with Promise.

Taehyung has taken the photos for the cover of Promise. They also made sure to specifically mention Tae being the photographer.

It feels like they are drawing attention to it on purpose, but why is of course up for speculation and even though I feel this could point at their songs being related there could be millions of other reasons, or it’s all just by chance. But let’s take a look at Scenery.

Tae is in his own cover depicted with a camera and even has sounds of a camera in the beginning of Scenery. So the covers also match in a sense with one being in front of the camera and the other being behind it.

The song also has the sound of walking on snow, and what I believe is a train, which seems to be a clear connection to Spring Day. Besides this Tae also briefly talked about the sounds during the Fukuoka concert.

The scene from the movie that Tae is talking about is likely one where the protagonist yells “O-genki desu ka? Watashi wa genki desu.” (link here) Now this is probably the most farfetched possible reference of all that I’ll bring up. But since the meaning of these words are “Are you fine? I’m fine.” I felt it kind of matched with Jimin’s lyrics in Promise. The movie is also from 1995.

Of course we also know Tae directly referenced Spring Day on the cover, using a scene that reminds us of where Jimin is in the MV.

The themes of Spring and Winter that we could possibly see in these two cover photos would also fit rather well with their Yin and Yang personas that I have talked about before, as well as their parts in Spring Day, where one seems to be in winter and the other one in spring.

And let’s not forget the lyrics of Spring Day, though they are not about Vmin specifically, they still reference longing to be with someone, being hurt by someone and “you’re my best friend”. It’s just something more to consider since Taehyung has made some very clear parallels.

There are several more possible connections between Vmin in the Spring Day MV and choreography, or things like when Tae posted from the making and sang Jimin’s part of the song, but I’ll not go into more detail here.

Back to the Promise and Scenery timeline Taehyung also used a picture from the Spring Day location when he tweeted about Scenery’s release time.

A k-army apparently also noticed that the time for the release of the teaser photo with the picture from the scenery of Spring Day was related to 4 o’clock as the time when the tweet was sent 6:09 was the same as the date 4 o’clock was released.

Also the name of the train station in Spring Day was Iryeong/Ilyeong station, which translates to 1(il) and 0(yeong). Meaning they definitely do pay attention to details on purpose at some points, we just can’t know for sure when.

(Sadly I don’t know the original source, but shout out to vminforever95 on insta)

Now this might get a bit too much, but at this point I have to include it, even though it could potentially all be coincidence it just seems too fitting, I have to talk about the order and times etc. in relation to the release of these songs and some posts connected to the songs. I know this sounds a bit reaching, but BTS has used times when they post as references before, so I think it could very well apply here as well.

So, besides the cover for Promise being a picture by Taehyung, Jimin also released the song on the 31st of December, he seems to have waited almost purposely to release it just after midnight, meaning it was very close to Taehyung’s birthday.

The thing is that on Taehyung’s birthday, Jimin posted pictures of him and Taehyung which are taken on the same day as the cover of Promise. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence, but who knows. He also expressed his love for Taehyung of course, and even mentions the photos once again bringing attention to them.

“Happy birthday to our Taehyung You’ve worked hard this year too I wanted to post a derp photo but If I post it kekekeke you might not want to see me ever again kekekekeke Hyung loves you a lot ❤️🎂 #JIMIN #TaeTaeHappyBday”

And again, going into detail, the birthday post for Tae was posted at 12.31, so many thought Jimin accidentally posted it a minute late and that he originally wanted to match Tae’s birthday. But it’s possible it was posted to match with Promise in stead which was marked with the date.

Jimin tweeted one more time on Tae’s birthday, meaning the tweet right before Promise ended up being a vmin photo as well.

”Thank you to all the ARMYs who came today Also, I sincerely thank you for celebrating Taehyung(’s birthday) #JIMIN #TaeTaeHappyBday”

Then one month later when Scenery was about to come out, Jimin also decided to get active. First he was (accidentally or not) the first one to mention the song in his vlive.

Which he later also posted about on twitter, with plenty of purple hearts and I love yous. Basically Jimin promoted Scenery and his love for Taehyung all at once. If he spoiled it accidentally or not I don’t know, but the result was a lot of Vmin and even more of associations between them and their songs.

Taehyung also replied (did he also confirm their love? lol):

Another translation: “Whatever this kid said, it’s all true. Yeah, it’s correct. That’s what it was.” (Also be aware that I can’t guarantee that all translations in this post are ok since I sadly only know a few words in Korean)

Jimin seemed to enjoy it a lot, kept saying he loved Tae and used purple hearts. Also, again with the finger hearts for Taehyung.

“💜💜💜☺️☺️ Ah, already looking forward to it No, wait, I already was #JIMIN #TaehyungILoveYouYoureVeryPrecious”

All I am saying here is that even though Jimin obviously hypes up all of his members songs, there has in my own opinion been an unusual amount of connections and promotions for these two songs that link to Vmin in particular. It might just be me over thinking and it is just normal support for each other, but still, as a Vmin shipper I can’t help but react.

Another example for this is when Jimin was asked to sing a part of Promise and he asked Tae to make the dance for it. Again, just one more thing that made Vmin trend and drew attention to them and the song at the same time.

youtube

Another moment that stood out like this to me is when Jimin talks about a promise he and Taehyung made during the Fukuoka concert. Just look at his reaction when he mentions Taehyung (though I admit he was also probably nervous about speaking Japanese).

youtube

Taehyung even jumps in and mentions it being a promise specifically. Notice the audience reaction, they too have an association between Jimin’s song and this moment now. (The korean and Japanese words for promise are very similar, and you can even hear some in the crowd asking for Jimin to sing Promise before he starts talking.) Again, these things might mean nothing, but I am bringing them up because it could also be something, especially considering the amount of small things there are.

In relation to Scenery Docskim also posted “So the secret is out?” with a purple (the purple is another possible Vmin link, read more in my post Red + Blue = Vmin, but likely it’s just because it’s Taehyung) background referencing Jimin accidentally spoiling Tae’s song on vlive.

Tae also tweeted the little teaser of the song, and so did docskim.

But let me go back to the times and the dates a bit again.

On the 28th of January Jimin tweeted simply saying “10:13 o’clock” which is basically “Jimin o’clock” as it matches his birthday.

I have no idea if this actually connects, but since it’s time and Taehyung posted a teaser for Scenery marked with 10 o’clock pm two days later I felt I had to at least say it.

Then on that day just a few hours after the teaser, aka. the day of the release, we have Jimin tweeting a vmin selca, seemingly at random. (Even the caption is just a random sound effect “Ddo-ing”)

Once again drawing attention to Vmin and making them trend. And then the song itself right after which had a cover with Tae taking a photo, as I mentioned earlier.

But what is also interesting here is that the picture was taken in Amsterdam, which means it was possibly taken on Jimin’s birthday as that’s when they had the concert in Amsterdam. Which means both the covers of Promise and Scenery could possibly connect in some way to the other person’s birthday. And remember that Jimin in a way reminded the fandom of his birthday through his tweet with 10:13 a few days prior. Just a very interesting observation and something that I think could have been done on purpose.

Jimin was also first to react to the song, singing along to it in a video he also labeled with a purple heart.

I know Scenery is a proper original song by Tae, but earlier that month JK also released a cover and Suga had a song which he features on come out, and Jimin promoted these as well. But not as much and no hearts in sight. I mean I don’t think it is a big deal, but even so worth mentioning since I really feel the promotion from Jimin’s side in regards to Scenery has been a bit out of the ordinary.

And I also want to include JK’s (hilarious) reaction videos that he made, and not only lip-synched to Scenery, but also to Promise. It’s likely no deeper meaning behind it, but it still reminded ARMY of Promise that had already been out for a month and made yet another connection between the two songs.

youtube

So these are the reasons why I personally feel Promise and Scenery, as well as other Vmin songs, are meant to be connected.

Now, I don’t know if all of this means something, or if so exactly what they want to say. But there are simply too many things at this point for me to just ignore it, even if a lot of it might be nothing, some really could be done with some kind of purpose in my opinion. Then what it could mean is up for interpretation because even if they truly are trying to connect these songs there could be many reasons why.

However, looking at everything brought up in this post, I personally think the fact that Tae wants to make a song for or about Jimin, all the small moments they have talked about themselves as well as the lyrics of the songs kind of matching together is what makes it all seem possible. Looking at everything one by one it really could be nothing, but the fact that so many things can be connected is really fascinating.

Even if I might be wrong about a lot in this post I still hope you all found this interesting. Also credit to the ones who made the tweets, analysis, videos and translations that I have used in this post. If you want something of yours removed let me know.

What are your thoughts? Please like, reblog and comment, I’m really curious to see what you all think. I hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you~!

#vmin #taehyung #jimin #vmin analysis #bts lyric analysis #jimin promise #taehyung scenery #promise and scenery #Vmin - Scenery Promise and song connections #btsandvmin #park jimin #kim taehyung #뷔민 #vmin is real

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readbeneaththelines · 5 years

Text

Captured Moments Pt. 3

A/N: You are an artist given the chance to work with BigHit Ent. as their Creative Art Director. Getting to spend time with BTS, you form a friendship with them. But With Namjoon, could it grow into something more?

Characters: Namjoon x Artist!Reader

Warnings: The Fluffiest Fluff, and soft Namjoon

Word Count: 2646

cr to gif owner

For Namjoon’s theme, you pictured a full moon and stars, trees, water, things of nature that one would find peaceful. You sketched out a nighttime scene, a large oak tree, set alone by a turbulent river. The stars above were vast and bright. The river, to you, represented a force that molds and carves things in its path, making it what it wants it to be. On one of the branches, a young man sat with a leg dangling off to the side. A book lays on his chest as he daydreams. Sitting beneath the tree was Namjoon, a book in hands with his head buried in the pages. The book was knowledge and wisdom. He was focused on these things, the moon lighting the pages with its full brightness.

For Jin's theme, you imagined him standing on the outskirts of a city, the walls high and imposing. In his hand was a torch, its light encompassing him in its warmth and protection. A child stood in his shadow, fingers holding tightly to his pant legs as he peered out from behind. Before him was a singular path. The city represented something new and fearsome to him. With his torch protecting him, he stood at the ready, taking the first step to conquer what lies ahead. The path was his only option, his way of self confidence, knowing that he could only go forward. Defeat wasn’t an option.

You pictured Hoseok's theme clearly, standing on a beach, arms spread wide. He was the sun that lit the sky, the waves reaching for him, as he drew them to shore. A young boy played in the breaking waves, head thrown back in laughter as water rose around his ankles. The clouds loomed overhead, but the colors you envisioned were more beautiful than any sunrise you had witnessed. He was his own light, his own strength, with enough inner power to draw even a powerful force such as the ocean to him. He was confident, sure of himself and wanted to share his power with the universe.

Jimin was another one that came naturally to mind. For his theme you saw a child, ballet barre at their side. It was taller than the child, their arm reaching up to grasp it in tiny fingers. In the reflection was an adult, limber leg stretching above their head as strong yet lithe arms reached down to the barre. Their figure was lean but built, their eyes filled with passion and determination. Everything around them paled in comparison to the grace that emanated from them. The child was the reflection of the adult in a way. The beauty of youth and wonder that still resided in the grown dancer. They looked at each other, and faint glimmer in their eyes.

Yoongi’s theme was more difficult. One one side of the page there were mountains and valleys, dark and foreboding. The ridges were jagged, a mist hovering above the lowest of valleys. The opposite side opened up to a field with a forest in the distance. If you looked in just the right place, you saw a teenager boy struggling to climb the mountains, hands grasping for a notch to place their fingers or a foothold to step into. They were on the last mountain, the apex within reach. You would see a beam of light just on the other side, illuminating his way, but he just had to reach it. If you looked at the field, you could see the faint image of the same person, a few years older, head held high as the light surrounded him. He had made it, his sights set on his future with determination.

Taehyung’s theme brought images of cameras, runways and shops. Various cameras, from years past to the present, small images of a smiling boy looking intently into the lens, was present in the viewers. Shop windows displayed the latest fashions of various eras. You pictured a lone runway, damaged from age and lack of use. Beauty fades, but what you capture in your mind will always stay as the moment your mind ‘captured’ the memory. Even with time, you view of the memory may change, but it will always be the same memory. Taehyung loved making memories, his mind his own personal camera, capturing each moment as if it would pass too quickly, and be forgotten.

Jungkook came last. His theme gave you thoughts of another child, sitting in a room. Jungkook stood beside the child, watching where his eyes traveled along the walls. Each moment of his future played out in the pictures on the walls. From his first steps to his final breath, the child examined the framed pictures with careful consideration. The ones of his past, his chubby fingers still touched, while his head strained to look up at those of his future. His hands reaching, stretching up but timid. Was he ready to grasp his future in his hands? Was he ready to face the uncertainty of what lies before him, of who he may become? Was his destiny set, or was he in control? The turmoil etched in the concentration of his scrunched little nose.

Once you were pleased with your drawings, you closed the sketchbook and nestled it in your bag. Looking at the time, you scurried to gather everything. It was already after five and you still had to get home and freshen up. You ran down the long hall, heading for the front door. Your feet hit the pavement, weaving your way through the sea of people that crowded the sidewalks. At last, you reached your apartment, huffing and puffing as you climbed the few steps that led to your front door. The cool air rushed at you as you flung the door open and ran inside. A look in the mirror told you that you really needed a shower. Looking at the time again, you made the decision to hop in and wash off. You wrapped your newly damp hair in a towel as you rummaged through your clothes.

You really needed an new wardrobe if you were going to attending meetings and such.

Opting on your dark grey skinny jeans with drops of multi-colored paint that gave them character, and a light pink long sleeved shirt, you put on the finishing touches just as your doorbell rang. You rushed to the door, opening it to see Jin looking at you curiously.

“Is this a new look, Y/N?” he pointed to your head, which was still wrapped in the towel.”

“Dammit. Sorry, Jin. I ran over at the studio today, and I am just finishing getting ready. I am sorry that I am making you wait.” You ripped the towel from your head, you hair a damp mess underneath. “Please, have a seat, I’ll be five minutes tops.” You let him sit down before taking off for the bathroom, once again.

“You really don’t have to rush. It will take Yoongi another thirty minutes before he gets out of bed and is ready. So take your time, we are in no hurry,.” You sighed with relief at what he told you, relaxing as you fixed your hair, choosing to let if fall freely.

“Okay, I’m ready. I hope I look decent enough. I really don’t have a lot of nice clothes. You know, with my line of work.” Jin stood, smiling at you as he approved of your attire. “You look fine, really, it’s just a casual dinner, and Yoongi may still be in his pajama pants knowing him. You giggled at the image that presented. “Okay, let’s get going. Im starving, I didn’t get to eat earlier.”

A message chirped, and you picked up your phone.

Joon: about to leave, see you there.

You typed a quick reply

Y/N Artist Extraordinaire: heading out now, see ya.

You jopped in Jin’s car, fastening the seatbelt as he climbed in. “Tonight we’re going to our favorite barbeque place. It’s a little dive and we can kind of get away there. Hope you like it.” You told him you would, since you loved any type of food anyway. “Ahh, a woman after my own heart. I will have to cook for all of us one day.” You remembered his love for cooking. “Maybe one day, I can teach you how to cook southern food. Biscuits and gravy, fried chicken, stuffing. The works. It will set yout tastebud a singing.” His laugh was full and hearty, and it really did have the windshield wiper sound effect, which made you laugh even harder.

Jin pulled into the backlot of the diner, entering in through the kitchen with you close behind. The small space smelled like olfactory heaven. Vegetables simmering, rice steaming to perfection, the right amount of sweet smells filled the air around you. Your mouth was watering by the time you made it into the dining area. Six beautiful smiles welcomed you as you sat down between Jin and Namjoom. You set you bag under the table, the sketchbook ready for later. You learned a bit more about each one as they told you stories about themselves. You learned that Namjoon has always been a clutz. Jimin was the kindest softest soul in the universe. Yoongi wasn’t really that tough exterior that he showed the world, but actually was funny as talkative when he got going. Jungkook was an actual Golden Maknae, showing you the videos of their recent waterbottle challenges. Taehyung loved making movies probably as much as he loved clothes, if not more. Hoseok really was a radiant ray of sunshine, even when he was a bit tipsy and looking like a lost bundle of sunshine. Jin was the dad, always making sure things were done right and taking care of most of the cooking. And his dad jokes? On. Point.

Namjoon was the quiet one, sitting there and taking everything in. You would catch a glimpse of him, lips curled in a small smile as everyone else laughed and talked. He was taking it all in, the energy, the liveliness that surrounded him like a halo. You would smile back at him if he looked your way, only to have him blush in return. “So, who wants to see my sketches? It’s getting late and you all need your sleep.” Yoongi heartily agreed with you on that. You pulled out the sketchpad, clearing a space on the table to lay it down. When you opened the first page, gasps and slow exhales filled the enclosed space. You took the time to explain each image on the pages and who they belonged to. Each member studied their images with such concentration that the room fell silent. You worried that you had gotten them all wrong, dread and fear settling deep inside.

“These. These are amazing Y/N. They feel as though you were inside our heads, reading our personal intimate thoughts.” Namjoon was enraptured, caught in every drawing as you turned the pages. He would nod and make a small comment, but when you reached his, his fell quiet. They all looked to him in question. He was deep in thought, and it gave off an air that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. You watched as each of them moved away, taking off on the separate ways, leaving you alone with Namjoon and his thoughts.

“Namjoon? Is there something wrong with your drawing? Did I not get it right?” you lowered your head, trying to get him to look at you. “No. There’s nothing wrong at all. In fact, this is exactly how I see myself. Caught up in the moment of being alone and reading. I love to sit under old weathered trees and lose myself in a book. But I seldom get the chance. What I wouldn’t give, for just a day or two, to have nothing but an old worn book in my hands. To feel the aged pages in my fingers, to smell the musky scent of time and history. You captured it fittingly, but it also makes my heart long for it even more.” You watched the flood of changing emotions flash across his face. It started with melancholy, then shifted to wistfulness, before lastly settling on hopefulness.

You carefully chose your next words, mulling them over before speaking in a soft tone. “I’m sorry if it made you upset in any way. This is just how i pictured you, how I felt that you would be at peace. If it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll change it.”

“Oh, no, please don’t. I mean, I love it. It just makes me wish I had the time to experience it. You did an amazing job on all of them. I can’t wait to see these come to fruition. You really have an amazing talent, Y/N. BigHit, and all of us, are luck to have you on board.” He took a moment to look around.” Where is everyone?”

“I think they knew you needed some space. If you want me to, I will collect them and bring them back.” He cocked his head to the side for a second, deciding what he wanted. “Nah, let them be. They know their way home. How about I pay for dinner and I walk you hame? It’s on the way to the dorm.” You closed the pad, gathering up your bag as he paid for dinner. He walked to the front with you, peering outside before opening the door. “It’s hopefully a quiet night, no fans lurking around and we can walk in peace.” You hated the fact that they were always on the lookout. You knew if even one picture got snapped of the two of you alone and walking together, some crazed story would be out the next day. Pulling his hoodie over his head, he walked along the sidewalk, between you and the street, the air cool and soothing. “Can I ask you something Namjoon?’

“Sure, and please, just call me Joon, or Joonie.” he gave a tired smile as you continued walking.

“Okay Joon, if you could have one thing in the world, and still do what you love doing now, what would it be?” He paused for a moment before looking over at you. “I f could have anything, and still be a part of BTS? Wow, There’s a lot of things, but if I had to chose, it would be to have someone who understood me, the other me. The me that nobody but the guys get to see. To be able to open up to that person, and not be afraid if they were going to reject me or laugh at me. Someone I could talk to in to the late hours of the night, sit in comfortable silence with and know that words don’t need to be spoken to know that I care about them. That’s the one thing I want more than anything else.”

“So, why don’t you search for that. Who’s to say you can’t have that. I know that Bang is pretty lax on most things revolving around you all. Maybe you can have that, it never hurts to at least try.” You started walking again, Namjoon falling quiet once more. When you reached your apartment, he walked you to your door, thanking you for the company and the drawing. “Remember, Y/N, you have a talent that goes beyond anything I’ve seen in a long time. Don’t ever lose that passion.”

“I won’t Joon. Please get home safely, and text me when you get there. “ You waved goodnight, watching him leave as you stood in your doorway. When he was out of sight, you entered, the feeling af fatigue washing over you. You changed into your nightshirt and shorts, crawling lazily into bed and immediately fell asleep.

@min-shookga-yoongi @beautifulseoulliar @agustd-suga-yoongii @astronomyturtle @aspaceformyself @dreamyoongi @holy-yoong i@trashkazuya @maxinaptak @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570 @xjamlessparkx

#bts namjoon #namjooning #namjoon x reader #namjoon fluff

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