#whenever I quote the lyrics I quote this translation

[emeraldskulblaka]

Лэ о Лэйтиан - 24/11/2022 - Review

Cast:

Vilena Sokolova (Lúthien), Rostislav Kolpakov (Beren)*, Edrian Bernada (Sauron), Evgeny Egorov (Finrod), Ivan Grigoriev (Morgoth), Mikhail Sidorenko (Námo), Fedor Nemtsev (Celegorm), Semyon Nemtsev (Curufin), Maxim Rakovsky (Thingol), Ekaterina Busygina (Melian), Nikolay Teryaev (Daeron)*, Andrey Nechaev (Huan), Alexey Grigoriev (Carcharoth)

* premiere

Here's a "review" of the most recent performance in Moscow, Russia on 24 November 2022, broadcast live on Boomstream. Fair warning: I'm not a professional reviewer! Hence, here are some observations, thoughts, favourite moments; I didn't attempt to write a formal review.

REVIEW: Act 1 | Act 2

Full recording | clips | libretto & translation

[aletherancaspar]

oh?

[ilikedetectives]

Spell your url ✧˖°.

Spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL!

Thank you @horsyunicorn for the tag! This is for my Tav, Kalius, a criminal ranger Mephistopheles Tiefling whose moral compass is Minthara. Note: lyrics in "" are direct quotes and those in [] are translations stitched together. And "you" in these songs are referring to Minthara in Kalius' POV OwO

I - I Feel Immortal - Tarja Turunen "Whenever I wake up / I’m lost and always afraid / It’s never the same place / I close my eyes to escape / The walls around me" L - LMLY - Jackson Wang "Don't leave me, loving you / Whatever you do / Don't leave me, loving you / If you tip toe out in the morning, I need a warning" I - Imaginarium - Nightwish K - Kizuna No Kiseki - MAN WITH A MISSION x milet [For who do we carry on our lives for / Intertwining fates / Road of the serpent, countless sins / Cut them all down] E - Eyes, Nose, Lips - Taeyang [Your eyes, nose, lips. Your touch that used to touch me. To the end of your fingertips, I can still feel you.] D - Devil - Super Junior [Everything, even kneeling before you feels so natural now...You're cold and hot, devil, like a midsummer rain shower. After drenching my hot body, you burn up my throat again. You make me taste a moment of pleasure, then you burn up my throat again.] E - El Dorado - Two Steps From Hell T - Tempo - EXO [I wanna be the only one hearing her, she's my melody...Your scent is in my heart. Striking like a wave...Don't slow it up for me.] E - End of All Hope - Nightwish "It is the end of all hope / To lose the child, the faith / To end all the innocence / To be someone like me" C - Chân Ái (Vietnamese equivalent of Alurlssrin) - Orange x Khói x Châu Đăng Khoa [Since the day you arrive, dawn suddenly comes to the sky. Like a ring of melodies when all beings are moved. You are the symphony that evokes emotions in the human/mundane world.] T - Truyền Thái Y (Summon the Imperial Doctor) - Ngô Kiến Huy x Masew [You finally notice me. Coming closer, the captivating fragrance blooms. Wait for one minute, I want to say. Summon the imperial doctor, I'm so drunk I already lost my way back.] I - I Think I - Super Junior [The dream that is becoming more distinct...I'll stretch out my hand to catch the perfect moon. Your entrancing dance and eyes that dominate me...Getting drunk only on the entrancing rhythm, I engulf you completely. Getting drunk on you.] V - Vì Yêu Cứ Đâm Đầu (For Love, Dive In Head First) MIN x Đen x JustaTEE [I want to be bounded in your embrace / I want to listen to every breath surrounding me.] E - Ever Dream - Nightwish "Would you do it with me? / Heal the scars and change the stars / Would you do it for me? / Turn loose the heaven within" S - Sha fa (杀伐 / Kill and Conquer) 司空先生 x 苏子凡 x 岚之调 x SESE鱼 (this version specifically x) [It is the hells that invite me, glancing at the flaws of artifices in this world. Dye river with blood in exchange for a heaven and earth without flaws.]

Tagging, if you would like to, no pressure at all ^o^ @minthara, @wyllravengard, @miyku, @userkarlachs, @orphiceonian, @blacksalander, @jove999, @usurperss, @mistress-light, @onewingedangels, @jujoobedoodling, @vikingnerd793

[scoups4lyfe]

...geeze and I thought it was supposed to be played for humor that he was so upset about not being able to haiku while Haruka was freaking wheelchair bound! Now it makes more sense!

Yeaahhhh.

I can feel like a lot of people would see Shinichi lose his ability to do haikus as a "?????" thing. ESPECIALLY in comparison to Haruka losing her legs.

To the point that's it's almost comical.

"How can he be so depressed over not being able to do haikus 🙄"

Obv these people have never used an artistic outlet as a coping mechanism for crippling loneliness.

So here's an un-asked-for

Analysis/breakdown of Shinichi Saruhara:

Above the song, "Clumsy Man" by Kanzaki Iori. I included it because this song represents who Haiku is as a person, and what his thoughts were during episode 15 when he lost his ability to haiku. Watch that clip and THEN tell me that Shinichi losing his ability to Haiku was meant to be a joke because it's "silly" in comparison to Haruka losing her legs.

The subs are a little shoddy, so I'm including snowhitehatesapples translation from wordpress.

"I wanted to try smiling like a human would So I wrote a story Sometime in the past the muscles in my cheeks atrophied Whenever I’m appreciated I feel joy Surely it’s because I’m ugly When I thought of wanting to be praised I felt ashamed"

..

Shinichi has a rather fascinating relationship with the concept of "Greed" actually.

Because he's an insanely greedy person.

Greedy to be liked. Greedy for compliments. Greedy for love and appreciation. Greedy for attention.

During my episode 7 Liveblog @submissiveking99 dropped a fire analysis within the comment section.

"Momoi is everything Haiku sees himself as, realised. Detached from the world’s temptation and sin. Living, happy and content. No greed, no anger or resentment. Just a honest person who wants to make others happy. Haiku sees himself as that. But he has his ego. Such as his show-off-ey nature of ‘imagining eating’. ... "Even if unintentionally, he’s always showing off how ‘above’ everyone else he is. HE doesn’t need the 'sin’ of money. HE doesn’t 'need a job’. HE always 'helps’ people. HE lives 'free’ It is all for his own self gratification. His own ego. Which Momoi called him out on. Haiku is high off what he tells others. Off his ego, off his image. While Momoi is what he thinks of himself as, actualised. Someone content with life."

(end quote)

Now, one thing I'd like to add on here, is that I believe Shinichi is also envious of how seemingly unaffected Tarou is by the way people think about him.

Shinichi wants to be like that. To not care about how others see him.

But he's someone desperately lonely, without friends (that I know of) AND he appears to be living alone too. He can't help caring about the way other people view him.

Because he so badly wants their attention, compliments, care, etc.

Going back to the song lyrics:

I wrote shit about them since we won’t meet again Friends, teachers, family of my past Even you that I used to love in those days Just that made me feel superior

As though to fill in my whole life As though to fill in all my loneliness I wrote everyday morning, noon and night To the point of collapse Because nothing Can ever satiate me That’s right, I must be “greed”

.....

This song is somehow very on-the-nose.

Clumsy Man can also be translated as

"Useless Man"

For Shinichi, his art -- his Haikus, give his life worth. It's something he can give others. Something he made, special to him. It's something that makes him feel human.

Without them, Shinichi's disqualified of his humanity. Now he's just "useless". He has nothing, he can give nothing, he is nothing.

[lizzybeth1986]

Kiara Theron: Character Playlist

Since this is Polyglot day, I thought the perfect way to celebrate it would be to have a multilingual playlist! I have a feeling Kiara's taste in music would be eclectic and that she would probably use songs too when learning - or to better appreciate a known language. I will try to provide lyric translations wherever possible.

You can find it on Spotify here!

Aïcha by Cheb Khaled (French/Arabic)

She said: "Keep your treasures

Me, I'm worth more than that.

Bars are still bars, even if made of gold.

I want the same rights as you

and respect for each day,

Me, I want only love."

Translations

In my HC, Kiara has both French and Moroccan ancestry. This song, which both French and Arabic lyrics, made me think immediately of her. Plus I do love that most of the song - which is from the man's perspective in trying to win the woman's affections - is in French, but the portion where he is his most honest and vulnerable is in Arabic.

Vivir Mi Vida by Marc Anthony (Spanish)

I’m going to live in the moment

To understand destiny

I’m going to listen in silence

To find the way

Translations

Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin (月亮代表我的心） by Teresa Teng (Mandarin)

You ask me how deep my love for you is,

How much I really love you…

My affection does not waver,

My love will not change.

The moon represents my heart.

Translations + meaning

99 Luftballons by Nena (German)

Ninety-nine years of war

Left no place for victors

There are no longer any ministers of war

And also no jet fighters

Today i'm making my rounds

I see the world lying in ruins

I have found a balloon

I think of you and let it fly

Translations + meaning

El Gamra by Bab l' Bluz (Darija)

I couldn't find lyric translations for this one, but a lot of the reviews for the song as well as the song description state this: “it praises the Moon and her restorative power, inviting all to party under the night sky charged by trancing guembri and rocking chaabi, by ecstatic harmonies and handclaps that come fast then faster still.”

In my HC, Hakim is the son of the Duchess of Castelserraillan and a man from the Gnawa community in Morocco, and this band uses a lot of influence from Gnawa music.

Musica È by Eros Ramazzotti (Italian)

Because a world without music

Cannot be imagined.

Because every heart

even the smallest

is a heartbeat of life and a love that

That is music...

Translations

Tu Me Regardes by Angèle (French)

Chess scares me

I was playing with the king, the queen took my heart

I've been thinking about it over and over again, I like you

I'll probably hide it from you, I like you

Translations

Harunohi by Aimyon (Japanese)

I want to see what future

is waving at us right now

My body tired from the daily grind

has been looking for a place to call home

Look, the sun is already setting

Whenever we remember the light of that day

we will realize what we truly treasure, right?

Translations

Opos Palia by Vasilis Karas (Greek)

Give me a cigarette and some fire

have a drink "to my health"

Like in the old neighborhood

Remind me again of my dreams

Translations

Ghalini Shway Shway by Oum Kulthum (Arabic)

Sing for me a little, a little

Sing for me, take my eyes

Make me sing a tune

that the audience sways for

and the branches flutter for

the narcissus with the jasmine

and travels with the caravans and traverses the deserts

A little, a little

Translations

One HC I had of Hakim, Kiara's father, is that he was a HUGE Umm Kulthum fan and would often dedicate Alf Layla Wa Layla (A Thousand and One Nights) to Joëlle.

Waymala - Iri Di (English/Amhiric)

It's not the beginning and end of the matter

Adapting yourself to the dance widen your borders

Claps and voices shifting

Stirring wonder

Divine laughters

All confined in a circle

(I couldn't get a translation for the verses in Amhiric, but I did find this quote from the artist on the song: “Humans create cycles, that’s what I’ve understood in life. Waymala means wait; it’s saying let’s wait for each other. Every word I’ve chosen in those lyrics is synonymous with circle. The way Hamer people dance is by making a circle of men and women on each side and people dance in the middle. When people join the circle gets bigger. When they leave it gets smaller. We’re moving to create balance. If you have cycles in your mind, everything we do is ritual. Cycles of our planet become visible.”)

Vellai Pookkal by A. R. Rahman (Tamil)

Let the white flowers blossom everywhere in the world

Let the dawning world dawn for peace

Let the yellow light fall above the earth

Let the flowers rise getting rid of the laziness

Let the child open their eyes in mother's warmth

Let the world awake in the first cute smile of the child

Tizita by Kibrom Birhane (Instrumental)

I ended the playlist with Ethiopian musician Kibrom Birhane's Tizita. It's a beautiful piece of Ethio-jazz music, and follows the Tezeta genre which is meant to evoke strong feelings of rememberence and regret in the listener.

[blingblingisdino90]

How my blog will be organized.

I deicded to organize my blog by title series.

As of right now, I have:

Remember when...

This series is based on memories of Jonghyun. Some will be sentimental, and some might even be silly. This series is supposed to make you smile, so I hope I'll be successful in doing so.

종현아, 괜찮아?

Translating to, Jonghyun, how are you? I want to make a series on my personal letters to Jonghyun. I felt that I was ok with sharing my entries to him publicly. Also, if you feel like you need to say something to him as well, you can comment below the post.

Blinger Thoughts...

These will be a series of random thoughts that suddenly pop into my head, in the topic of Jonghyun. These posts might be really short, and may only have one sentence.

Lyrics and Quotes, with MC Jonghyun.

Thiis series will have quotes and lyrics from various Jonghyun songs, or even some lyrics in his songs with SHINee. In some posts, I might add a little commentary after the quote.

Dino Smiles...

This series is just a spam of pictures with Jonghyun's heavenly smile. Whenever I have a bad day, I sometimes look at pictures like these. His smile still has the ability to cheer me up, even after all this time.

From The Blinger!

This series is based on messages that are from other Blingers. I accept anonymous messages as well, if you don't want your name displayed.

About the Blinger!

This series isn't a permantate one, but basically it cover questions anyone has for me. You can ask them in the comments, or you can Ask The Blinger!

Those are all the series for now! What do you think? If you want to request another series, let me know!

Love you all,

Blinger. <3

[asteracelatte]

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Hi, I'm Mia, and this is my new translation archive~

I'm 24 years old, graduated with a major in Languages and Literature, and speak a total of 8 languages. I work full-time as a translator and proofreader, though all the works here are for fun and non-profitable. That said, please take into consideration that I have a job, a naughty cat, and a plethora of disabilities that sometimes slow me down, so please be patient with me regarding my translation projects as they're not my priority in life~

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✦ I translate deliberately, which means I’ll focus on the stories I want, from the franchises I want, whenever I feel like doing so. Do NOT hurry me or keep asking if/when I’ll translate something!!

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✦ Currently a contributor for the Enstars Fandom Wiki, Hana-Doll* Fandom Wiki, Food Fantasy Fandom Wiki, and fromARGO Miraheze, in case you prefer reading there.

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Enjoy your stay! ☆

[mu-saic]

//Reflection

One of my favorite albums (in the ever) is mono. by RM. 

I recently learned that RM, the pseudonym of Korean musician Kim Namjoon of BTS, sounds like aleum (아름) a Korean word for beauty. I’ve always thought that he has a beautiful way of writing about life, about making the mundane seem special. 

I consider this album (or, a, I’m pretty sure he refers to it as such, playlist) a forever friend. Do you also have an album that you think of as a best friend album? An album you can listen to when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re everything, when you’re nothing? One that you’re convinced will always be your favorite? This is mine! It’s a friend for every situation, but especially for when I am especially in need of comfort that isn’t from myself. 

It takes me exactly one mono.-listen to walk to my favorite spot on the river, I like to sit there for another mono.-listen, and then walk back home. It takes three mono.s for what I think is is sufficient self-not-reflection but more like for remembering that I’m a person... self-actualization? It’s a good unit of measurement for the things I like to do (three mono.s is around an hour and 15 minutes)! And about 6/7 of a mono. to walk to the duck pond I live near... 18/7 for the total..

A lot of the songs that RM makes as a solo act feel like they’re putting my loneliness into words, in turn making me feel less lonely. An Oh. I’m not alone in feeling what I feel. 

Right now, I’m overwhelmed with the lyrics in Life, a song off of his first project, which is self-titled. Why would there be no antonym of loneliness? Perhaps it’s because we never have a moment of no-loneliness until we die (translated from the Korean lyrics 외로움의 반대말은 왜 없을까 / 사람은 죽을 때까지 안 외로울 때가 없어서일지 몰라 via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/06/28/life/). My mind always go to this lyric when writing and thinking about my loneliness and my ever-present desire for companionship. 

His song Reflection I think perfectly reflects the utility of his music in my life. It’s about the thoughts he has while at a park that he visits when he is overwhelmed or sad or both. Although I will genuinely listen to his music whenever, like as in to the what would you bring with you on a deserted island question I would bring mono. .... his music is perfect for these moments when I need to force myself to confront my thoughts. Journalling music! 

슬며시 다가와서 나의 손을 잡는 fear and the fear that gently approaches me and holds my hand

세상은 절망의 또 다른 이름 [ireum] The world is another name for despair

나의 키는 지구의 또 다른 지름 [jireum] My height is another diameter of Earth

나는 나의 모든 기쁨이자 시름 [sireum] I’m my whole happiness and my worries

매일 반복돼 날 향한 좋고 싫음 [sireum] They repeat every day, the likes and dislikes directed at myself *The above four lines end-rhyme (-reum).

(the above five lines copied from https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/06/16/reflection/)

I’m always struck by the rawness of his lyrics... like this fear that he writes about... what he writes gently approaches me and holds my hand! And my heart. And my soul. And my everything.... thank you....

There are many, many, many RM lyrics that I carry in my heart! And I could go on and on...

The song that I think is my favorite of his (at least, off of mono.) is called uhgood. The title in Korean is 어긋 (pronounced as uh-geut) which means: “(1) fall short of expectations and (2) miss each other (by taking different routes)” (quoted from https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/). It’s really interesting that there is this contrast between the English title and the Korean title; uhgood is “good” yet uhgeut seems to be “bad.” 

Equal parts dreamlike (sound) and real (lyric), this song is so beautiful. To me, it is about the pains of self-discovery; My ideal and reality, they are too far apart. But, I still want to cross the bridge and reach me. The real me, the real me (translated from the Korean lyrics 내 이상과 현실 / 너무 멀고 먼 / 그래도 다리 건너 / 내게 닿고 싶어 / 진짜 내게 (yeah, yeah) / 진짜 내게 (yeah) via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/). 

*A note that there is sooo much that a simple translation like this can not capture. There are often translator’s notes that come with the lyrics. Such as, at the bottom of the lyrics quoted above, the translator mentions that due to “I” and “you” sounding similar in the Korean language, one could hear the above lyrics as being second-person instead of first-person. Again, the relatability! This is part of why this song touches my heart so much. 

A lot of his songs talk about self-hatred, like Reflection, which repeats the phrase “I wish I could love myself,” thus I am drawn towards his sentiments of hope. 

I can’t let go of me who I know as myself, because you, in my head, are so whole like this, because you are so perfect (translated from the Korean lyrics 내가 아는 나를 난 놓아줄 수가 없어 / 내 머릿속의 넌 이렇게 온전한데 / 완전한데 via https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/uhgood/, the translator notes that the “you” used here is the ideal “me” that RM is referencing).

All of my favorite RM lyrics (there’s more ... like the whole song of Trivia: Love and forever rain) are so touching and meaningful to me in that they seem to capture a picture of my heart, and feel like a warm hand on my back. 

[jin0]

Hiii Jin ❤️❤️

Ok first of all I hope your weekend is going super well, making sure you take downtime between your work and free time!! Rest lots and make sure you’re hydrated 😘😘

Second, as I was scrolling through tiktok I heard an audio cap of high school sweethearts by Melanie Martinez and it got me thinkin 😏😏 dont these lyrics literally scream y/n and peters relationship dynamic? I remember bringing this up to another writer a while ago because I felt like this needed to be heard in varied styles: Imagine they’re at a crossroads in a will they won’t they relationship, y/n is clearly a bit inexperienced (ofc) and she wants to go all the way romantically (and sexually) w Peter but feels so equivocal about her relationship with Peter because of its inconsistencies! I feel like the tugging back and forth between if it’s worth it to be with her despite his spiderman related responsibilities (and yes taking this right from TASM plot— her dad not being peters biggest fan) and between raging hormones and future goals post grad??

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Make me not wanna die

Love me rough and let me fly

Get me up, yeah, get me high

Tie me down, don't leave my side

Don't be a waste of my time

I just feel like it’s so synced to their situation and rlly reminds me of the mixed emotions in their personality arcs in not only what was made in the films and screenplay perspectives, but also with what you’ve written, essentially mirroring the evolution and future perspectives of the character traits that you’ve created!

-silent treatment nonnie 🥰🥰

honestly nonnie, this whole thing is absolutely mind blowing and i hope you know how fucking well put out this is ?? like genuinely, i had to reread it a few good times to grasp everything cause it's an analysis that needs to be well understood so thank you so much for blessing me with this !!

and honestly the tugging back and forth part and the dilemma about whether it's really worth it is a point that is basically necessary whenever i think of a relationship with peter ?? like i don't mention it but it's kinda the preview to the relationship i write about and again, like you mentioned, the screenplay translates !!

like peter and gwen got together in high school and the many obstacles standing in the way brought them at a point where they ended up doubting their relationship. when i write for peter, i imagine the after of these events, what it would be like if you'd managed to go through this whole thing and come out loving each other more than ever ?? what would it be like if you'd concluded that it was worth it yk ??

most of the time, i write vigilante/hero!reader and college!peter/reader because it feels easier for the characters to handle a relationship in college where you already got to question your life and your goals and it makes it kinda easier for peter to choose both life as peter and as spidey because he's with someone who understands and goes through the same yk ??

but the song and mostly the part you quoted feels like the internal battle they had to go through before getting in a relationship. and that's why I write them so in love and dependent on each other, so passionate and desperate for each other. they had to go through so many obstacles before actually getting to the point they're at not, between the spidey life, post grad goals possibly separating them, the weight of judging parents and other shit getting in the way.

they had to go through all this shit and i also like to think that while reader kinda k ew she was ready to take the leap and peter was worth it, he was the one to voice it first because his life and the things he does were way more important at the time to her. she's never seen her life as equivalent to his mission as spidey but he was the one to be like 'yeah no, you're worth it all and i won't keep doing this without you. I'll bend myself backwards to make sure you stay and understand how worth it it all is, how important and influential you are to me doing all i do'. when she had the greenlight, they were basically all over each other all the time.

one other thing i like to picture on the same note, is that both were basically best friends before getting in a relationship. i feel like the whole dilemma would be easier to deal with if they had a past that already linked them together. they knew each other better than ever and know the obstacles standing in the way because they've been here since the beginning of the friendship and they managed to ge through it still. doing it again as lovers won't change the outcome yk ??

but yeah, you're absolutely fucking right in everything you said omg ??? like this is something that's violently translated in the movies, how confusing and inconsistent the beginning of a relationship with peter would be. but after that confusion fades and you basically force the universe to accept that yeah, you're sticking together, it get's so violently loving, it's gross lol !! like both of you turn into the most hormonally loving and passionate people ever and it seems like really weird to some but the truth is you already went through hell and you're ready to face whatever the fuck is coming next !!

side note : i like to think that in all this dilemma, if one if you ever thought it might not be worth it and decided to step away, it would be fucking difficult to truly keep yourself away ?? like peter promising gwen's father to stay away but he can't really, even when he tries or when he breaks up with her again but loves her too much to stay away ?? it would basically be the same with peter and reader (might wanna write that omg ??? like peter breaking up with you but he can't really stay away ?? did it already but wanna try it again 🙈)

anyways !! this got so long but you had me THINKING nonnie !! genuinely thank you again for this cause i loved explaining the way i write a relationship with peter !! it makes a little more sense now for the codependency vibe (i hope it explains it a little more cause im a little stupid)

[purgatoryandme]

Hi, I fell in love with Illuminate Me, mostly because I'm a huge poetry fan, but I don't know a lot of poetry--you have such a way of pulling quotes and with words, I was wondering if you had a collection of favorite poems or quotes or works of literature and how you have such a wide breadth of knowledge of literature? Thanks, and thank you for sharing your work with us!

Hi! I'm so happy you enjoyed IM and that it's such a hit with poetry/classics lovers! I've got a few asks already answered with a literature list, some inspiration lit pieces, and inspiration lit for specific characters under the IM tag, but I don't think I've said anything specifically about poetry in detail yet.

I don't have any specific collection that's a favourite, but I do have poets whose imagery agrees with me more than anyone else's. These are the ones that are usually on the top of my head: I love Baudelaire for his religious imagery and overall use of symbolism (Les Fleurs Du Mal is a good collection despite me saying I don't have any fave). Yeats is a deeply talented poet, though a very hateable man, whose poetry tends to be self-referential is a delightful way. There's a certain breathlessness to it - clearly a man fascinated by the world around him. Poetic epics own my whole heart - The Odyssey, the Iiliad, the Aenid, Beowolf, the Divine Comedy, Paradise Lost and more. There's something about longform narrative poetry that is just deeply satisfying to read and connect with. The Wasteland is an excellent piece, though difficult to get into because it is EXTREMELY reference heavy. "April is the cruelest month" is a line that is forever and always stuck in my head. What an opener! How chilling! William Ernest Henley's poetry has this iron-willed spirit to it that calls to me on a personal level, and his use of meter and rhyme is just...good. It's so good. I'd recommend looking for concentration camp poetry if you're interested in history and the development of poetry as a form of resistance, healing, and speech. Fascinating stuff - I know in one of the linked asks I rec a book on it. The translated works of Jalaluddin Rumi is lyrical and measured and has such an amazing grasp of symbolism and the divine. The thing about translation is you have to poke around a fair bit to find something that balances honest translation with keeping the original feeling/meter/rhyming scheme of the original. Anything King Arthur related! I love me a good historical mythos!

My mother has a collection of illuminated world classics that I was pretty obsessed with as a kid. She kept them in this amazing walnut wood cabinet my grandfather made and I couldn't reach any of the books lol. They were shiny and gold and were full of translated poetic epics, plays, and cornerstone literature. I've always enjoyed classics for the referential aspects even if I wasn't a fan of the actual contents pretty often - it's cool to see how they shaped literature today - and admittedly some of my love was formed out of spite against the recommended reading curriculum. I loved English in elementary and high school (especially poetry - I used to be deranged about Shel Silverstein), but didn't pursue it further for my education because I didn't enjoy the overtly structured nature of interpretation you're forced into and, well...science was my second love, and the one that I moved on with. However, whenever I wanted a break from scientific academia, I used to go into the old arts library on my campus, go through the book stacks where nobody usually hung out, and pull interesting titles on historical and cultural literature.

To give more detail than I have before and to keep replies fresh: originally I was going to write a different story and Illuminate Me was just a tester fic. I was inspired to use classical literature quotes in it (before I had much of a plot fleshed out for it at all beyond "Space" and "Extremis" and "post-Siberia") after going through a classical Japanese poetry collection about moon watching so I could find a very particular phrase to use in ANOTHER fic (that I never actually wound up using the phrase in lmao). Going through the classical archives and struggling SO HARD to remember what exactly I wanted out of the symbolism got me mulling over examples of the kind of feeling I was going for, which brought me back to Eliot Kermode's "The Shudder" essay, and then I was back down the rabbit hole of all the classics I've ever loved and, in particular, that one line from Paradise Lost.

All in all, I wouldn't say I'm particularly well-read, but I would say I'm particularly stubborn about freedom of interpretation and the layered referential aspects of poetry! I like what I like, and I think was makes any good reader or writer is just that: you like what you like, and while you might learn to build on it, you shall not be swayed from what's in your heart. Have fun! Explore! Check out historical pieces and see how they sweeten more modern works, how slam poetry entirely evades a lot of classical convention for something raw and punchy, and bounce between dainty flowered depictions of love to tortured depictions of the divine and back again. Keep quotes that call to you close to your heart, and freely remove them from their context as you will, and go crazy. That's how you make love AND your research abilities fluorish!

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey Goldy, i'm positive Yoongi isn't straight and has been fairly open about it from the early years. So do u think that Yoongi could've influenced Jikook (especially Jimin cuz he is very close to him) in any sort of way on their journey?

Jimin is VERY close to Yoongi

Thank you so much for this statement😭

I feel seen and heard��

Not a lot of Jokers out here appreciate Yoonmin's bond😭😭😭😭

The disrespect! How dare they!

In reality, Yoonmin is one of the best ships that reflects the hyung dongsaeng dynamic perfectly in BTS in my opinion- Jinkook and Yoonkook, NamTae are heavy contenders I'd say but Yoonmin is right up there with them. Love Jihope too- if they could cut down on the flirting chilee.

No JHOPE I don't want you to call Jimin sexy or look at him like you want to gobble him with a glass of Sprite- it's weird😭😭😭

But also don't stop

From Suga 'bullying' Jimin, teasing him, praising him, mentoring him, the bickering- he is the biggest PJM right next to JK and Namjoon. I said what I said.

So thank you for this. I literally cried.

Feel so good to hear someone say that.

I'm having an existential crisis at the moment and Yoonmin is what is getting me through it at the moment.

People need to stop invalidating the members' bond. Seriously. Not cool. They all have beautiful dynamics real or not.

But he's gay? 🤔

You believe Suga is gay??

Damn.

He's queer and has been pretty open about it from the beginning???

A lot of people assume that about him actually. I think it's interesting.

Did he influence Jikook, Jimin in anyway...

If by influence you mean support then yes. I think he was and has been very supportive of Jimin and JK individually and has helped them embrace and make sense of certain aspects of themselves.

I think he's more understanding than most of the challenges and difficulties of being young and uncertain of who you are growing up under public scrutiny and in a highly hostile environment.

I think he is wise beyond his age and I have a ton of love and respect for him as both a person and an artist.

I love 'People' so much...

I think the most Iconic thing he's said so far to me is this totally woke, fanservice questioning and ridiculing statement:

'I didn't want to wear the maid outfit. I was surprised when they said it's for the fans. We don't have any interest in seeing girls wear men's clothes so why does the fans want us to wear women's clothes?'

It's weird. Fanservice is weird.

My least favorite moment of his is when he admonished JK not to say things like he'd want a tattoo when he grows up because the fans wouldn't like that.

I found that very contradictory for someone who's life motto is nevermind- or is it I don't give a shit?😏

Find it equally triggering whenever he teases JK about crying too much or being a cry baby as if it's wrong for men to cry. There's nothing wrong with shedding tears. Men cry too.

Then the bit about him not wanting tattoos or just a dot on his toe or feet or something because he has things he might want to do post BTS that having a tattoo would just be an inconvenience... quite conservative I'd say.

He don't give a fuck but then he gives a fuck?

Mans gotta be a realist or I'd chalk up these inconsistencies in his values to the clash between his Persona and his real self.

To be fair, he's not the only one. That conflict plays out in almost every member's outlook.

I see Yoongi as that one person who'd say to a person, go for it but end that advice with a caveat such as, 'but understand people will hate you for it' or some truth along those lies.

He places consequences right next to desire and as long as the person is not oblivious to and can bare the consequences of their actions, decisions and choices then I think he'd ask them to go for it and stand in their truth.

That much I know is his value and I can see how that might have impacted both JM and JK. But rather than encourage them to take risks, I think he pushes them to seize opportunities and put themselves outside- there's a difference there. Their not one and the same.

More than anyone in BTS, I think he understands the gravity of being queer, closeted or being in a relationship with a bandmate in the industry they work in.

I think he is much mature enough to understand the consequences of over attachment and risks of detachment and that too plays out in the way Jikook carry themselves around in the group.

Other than that, I think he minds his business most times.

Do I think he is open minded about conversations on sexuality? Absolutely.

But that's as far as I can go on the topic.

I do not believe he is queer and I'm not convinced in anyway he is pansexual or bisexual either- don't quote his song lyrics to me I already know. Lol.

Boy or girl my tongue will send you to hongkong....

And then his interviews about what he finds attractive in women??

'... it's not limited to boys or girls?'

Lolololololololol

I think that bit was heavily misconstrued.

'I'M NOT GAY'

This was his response when he was asked to talk about moments his heart skipped because of JHOPE. Similar to moments when the members had said their they almost fell for a band mate perhaps.

Other translations of that statement he made in the interview was, 'since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man' and then he laughs it off.

Knowing Suga, I think he probably meant that in the most ridiculing, most mocking way possible- these interviewers be asking some stupid questions sometimes.

But imagine Suga saying that with two gay members sitting right next to him in that interview and how these members would feel hearing him say that about homosexuality.

One thing about BTS, if they be making loud openly 'woke' statements, take a shovel to their past- it's usually because they've messed up somewhere and are simply acting conscious of the things they say that can come across as problematic. In my opinion.

They do learn and grow from their mistakes. That's one thing I love about BTS.

They've all had their problematic moments as I keep saying.

To me, this interview moment would be one of such said problematic moments if not one very homophobic moment of Suga's- if the translations were right I mean. chileee. Lemme shut up. Lol.

And before anyone says but JK said the same thing too...

JK had a 'fear' of coming across as Gay in his early years. Part of the reason he wanted JM on the west of his east when the cameras came around- in my opinion.

He'd stutter when similar 'gay' questions were thrown his way- prompting Jimin to ask him straight away not to answer said question when an interviewer asked him.

You pair that with some of the members describing him as 'wanting to be manly' or appear like a manly man and it's not hard to figure out what was going on with him.

He'd pause and look at JM funny when JM would describe their relationship as in between friends and romance...

Jimin had to tell him to relax and that it was normal for men to say 'love' to men without it being weird or gay.

He knew gayism was a thing. He simply didn't want to be viewed as one- either because of his own repressed homosexual desires, in which case that would be internalized homophobia or he really really didn't like being thought of as gay- homophobia.

Suga's is different.

He either genuinely didn't know gay was a thing or that some men's heart actually beat for other men- seems to me he thought the idea of a man's heart skipping for another man absurd or impossible- or dude thought he was being a smart pants with that remark. Lol.

Baring his age in mind at the time of the interview, that in anyway reflects his ideals or assumptions about sexuality. That heterosexuality is D norm. That straight is all he can be or should be thought of as- He clearly hasn't read the blogs. He's in for a rude awakening.

If JK had this ideology about sexuality I think he would have been able to hide his sexuality better and not freak out each time people made jokes about it💀

Suga's said explicitly he is attracted to gal's who wear headphones, doesn't like gals who play hard to get- said he'd kick em if they didn't quit playing hard to get (misogynistic and abusive lyrics there but it's hiphop- let's not talk about that) finds it ridiculous that men should wear female clothes, thinks 'men' shouldn't cry.... all the making of a fine gay man😃

Should we chalk it up to internalized homophobia then??

I wouldn't.

A very dedicated Sope shipper will tell you, he said what he said to cover the fact he is gay so there's that. Lol.

I'm just not convinced Suga is part of the community but I think he is open minded now, leans less into his conservative values and more towards progressive values and thoughts.

I don't think he in any way shape or form 'influenced' Jikook to be gay or to do the gay if that's what you were asking.

But I do respect your opinion on Suga. I think we are all free to assume whatever we want in this case.

I might be wrong about him. You might be wrong about him or we could all be right. We will never know.

Thanks for the ask.

Wasn't comfortable answering it though. Lol.

I don't like when I have to watch what I say.

Sigh.

Signed,

GOLDY

[somesaycosmo]

laurence, the first vicar - an analysis

hi! this is future marie, when i'm going back through and finalizing my draft of this post. this was originally meant to just be an analysis of laurence's song, but it turned into more than that, so just bear with it!

"oh look it's my favorite boss soundtrack in soulsborne! thankfully, bloodborne is a very simple game with straightforward lore, and the lyrics of its tracks are similarly straightforward, so there's not much to analyze here." -a quote from an alternate universe marie who was blessed with a game that didn't give her frenzy

"bloodborne's tracks have lyrics?" you might ask - and yes, in fact, they do! many of them have choral lyrics in latin, including mr laurence "i forgot the sacred adage" lastname's track here.

before we start, please listen to the song, if only because it's very good

this post is using the translated lyrics from this bloodborne wiki, while taking some liberties with the interpretation based on the game's lore. i do not know latin, but if anyone does, i'd love for them to hit me up. i'm also going to specifically tag @rococospade-main, both to shout them out for being great to discuss bloodborne lore with (it's where i got the idea to write this post)

as always, lore starts below the line

so the song starts with 4 lines, as follows

Children, know that if you will abide by the sacred rite with great commitment There will be a reward through the Holy Blood You will be rewarded with the hidden Holy Blood Or, maybe I shall lose my humanity through the Holy Blood

already starting off strong with the "questioning one's faith" vibes, eh, larry?

"children" might be in reference to actual children, or it might be the thing priests do, where they're called "father" and stuff (can you tell i'm not christian?) with laurence in this case being the "father" and the disciples of the church being his "children"

the reward from the holy blood is, of course, ascension, which we all know everyone from byrgenwerth strived for, because they're losers. "hidden holy blood" might be in reference to ebrietas bein all locked up in the chalice dungeons?

"maybe i shall lose my humanity through the holy blood" is, based on how early it is in the song, likely about laurence looking forward; loss of humanity is seen as a good thing, because it means ascension. the dramatic irony of this is of course obvious, considering the song plays when we're beating the shit out of laurence's fallen and bestial form - because loss of humanity can also mean other things, it turns out.

We honor you with the Blood Yet you judge this as blasphemy You are obsessed with this mystery And you shall be overcome by bestiality

We honor you with the Blood Yet you judge this as blasphemy We are hindered by this mystery Water does not achieve success

now laurence is speaking to the gods instead of to his followers. "we honor you with blood / yet you judge this as blasphemy" is likely him pleading to the gods. the description of the defiled chalice reads, "Curses are caused by inciting the anger of the Great Ones, and used to hex others." this paints a picture of the gods as somewhat vengeful; it makes sense that the beastly scourge, then, would be hypothesized to be a plague cast upon humanity for some sin they've committed, and laurence would know best what exactly that sin is.

"you are obsessed with this mystery / and you shall be overcome by bestiality" seems out of place in the rest of this section, given it's the only one that refers to humanity as "you," but i've taken this as it being the gods replying to laurence in the song, with the mystery likely being "how to ascend to godhood". this is the blasphemy you have committed, they say, and you shall be overcome by bestiality

"we are hindered by this mystery" once again, we're talking from laurence's perspective. firstly, laurence for the first time admits that obsession with ascension might not be so great, actually.

"water does not achieve success" this could be interpreted as talking about the whole "great bodies of water are often bulwarks" thing discussed in the lake and sea runes, laurence sort of saying "protecting ourselves from the truth does nothing to help us ascend," with water, effectively, being "safety." to go further, in my personal interpretation, this is more about the comparison of blood and water. you know that old saying, "blood is thicker than water"? that came to mind immediately while reading these lyrics, given the constant talking about blood in the song (and in the game). perhaps here laurence is comparing water to blood with water, water being "safety" and blood being "success" (ascension). to reference the item description for the white church set, "They believe that medicine is not a means of treatment but rather a method for research, and that some knowledge can only be obtained by exposing oneself to sickness." this will come up later.

By the Gods, friend Be afraid By the Gods, friend The Blood Be afraid You are right to

this is familiar! this could be willem speaking, this could be laurence speaking to someone else, or this could be laurence speaking to himself (my writer's brain imagines him muttering this quietly to himself in despair as his mental health and questioning of his faith declines) - due to "you are right to [fear the blood]," i lean towards him talking to himself as if talking to willem, perhaps wishing he had actually feared the old blood, or saying that willem is better off for doing so. regardless, it is incredibly reminiscent of the sacred adage ("fear the old blood" etc etc we all know it by heart at this point), and is likely supposed to be that.

It will be a majestic festivity By the Holy Blood So come, this sweet wine O defiled juice (this has to mean "wine" or "drink" i refuse to believe laurence would refer to the holy blood as a juice. i will not allow it)

this one, oddly, seems to indicate a toneshift - i would argue it's a result of his spiraling mental state. throughout the song he's questioning his faith and his actions, chanting his old mentor's sacred adage to himself; his life up to this point is a life of success while the cure and path to ascension he was peddling to yharnam turns them into horrific beasts. so he ends up doubling down on the religious fervor he started this endeavor with. this delves more into headcanon territory, so bear with me for a second:

have you ever thought about why laurence drops the beast's embrace rune?

laurence, the first vicar, the first cleric beast, drops the rune that allows you to enter a state of controlled beasthood whenever you want (provided you use a beastly weapon, of course). isn't that odd? shouldn't he drop something that, like, increases the amount blood vials heal you? maybe super duper extra special communion +6? why would he drop that rune, of all things, especially when the game already has a named character they could've put in to drop it (that being irreverent izzy)?

let's look at the item description.

After the repeated experiments in controlling the scourge of beasts, the gentle "Embrace" rune was discovered.

When its implementation failed, the "Embrace" became a forbidden rune, but this knowledge became a foundation of the Healing Church.

now i am not necessarily going to suggest that laurence dreamed up the beast's embrace rune himself - it could make sense, but that isn't necessary for the rest of what i'm about to say, which is this: the last part of the song is laurence giving into beasthood voluntarily.

perhaps he believed so strongly in the blood of ebrietas taking him to ascension that he decided beasthood must be it, must be the next step for humanity; perhaps, in a final move of desperation, he tried to control beasthood by experimenting on himself with this rune; or perhaps he had already imbibed so much of the old blood that he couldn't control his need to spill the blood of others.

personally, i lean toward the second interpretation. let's look at the description of laurence's (human) skull:

Skull of Laurence, first vicar of the Healing Church. In reality he became the first cleric beast, and his human skull only exists within the Nightmare.

The skull is a symbol of Laurence's past, and what he failed to protect. He is destined to seek his skull, but even if he found it, it could never restore his memories.

firstly, i'd just like to point out the irony in the statement "he is destined to seek his skull"; he spends his human life seeking ascension, and when he achieves metamorphosis, he is cursed to spend that form trying to find his humanity again, mindless, lost in a nightmare.

secondly, and more to the point, let's look at the line "a symbol of laurence's past, and what he failed to protect." examining this item for its symbolism is fairly clear - it's a relic of laurence's humanity, and that's exactly what he failed to protect, the humanity of himself and others. this description leads me to believe he wanted to protect humanity, but failed.

a lot of interpretations of him have him as this truly evil person who was just deceiving the city of yharnam for his own personal gain, but honestly, i don't buy that. that's not what bloodborne is about. i mean bloodborne is and can be about a lot of things, and i could ascribe dozens of basic thematic interpretations of it off the top of my head, but characterization that simple doesn't fit bloodborne (and, frankly, it's not tragic enough for miyazaki).

so, with all that combined, why do i believe that laurence branded himself with beast's embrace in an attempt to further research on the control of beasthood, so as to protect humanity? well, to go back to an item description from earlier, some knowledge can only be obtained by exposing oneself to sickness.

thank you for reading.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Hold On

Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: ~2220

Warnings: Some Maeve-related angst, but unlike the CM writers, I believe in allowing Spencer Reid to be happy. 

A/N: Quoted lyric, title, and thematic inspiration from “Hold On” by Tom Waits, which you can listen to over here. Encouragement and/or blame (depends on your POV) from @stunudo​ and @katwillrise​. Speedy beta from @fangirlxwritesx67​. 

  For a long time, Spencer didn’t understand other peoples’ need to touch. He avoided it whenever possible. 

It was partly about germs, of course, but partly just that he didn’t like the sensation. He’s never liked the intimacy of it, the closeness, and even as a child, unexpected hugs made him go stiff and uncomfortable, like he was holding his breath until the foreign stimulus was gone. 

There were a few people he made an exception for, people he trusted, people whose arms made him feel protected or comforted instead of threatened, but it was only a handful: his mom, Morgan, JJ, occasionally Penelope or Emily. 

He’d see couples walking down the street hand in hand, or with their arms wrapped around each other, and he wondered what the appeal was. He imagined sleeping next to someone, waking up with their body wrapped around his, their skin sweaty and their breath damp, and he imagined it would feel more like a stranglehold than an embrace. 

Then there was Maeve. 

He wanted to meet her in person, of course, but it wasn’t her physical body that he fell in love with. It was almost a relief, being able to have a relationship without worrying about the sensory minefield of having another human in his space.  

When he daydreamed about meeting her (and he daydreamed a lot) he mostly tried to imagine her face. He knew what it sounded like when she was smiling or laughing, but he wanted to see; he wanted to watch the way she lit up when they had those long joyful arguments about poetry. He wanted to learn her mannerisms, her expressions, wanted to learn her until he could read her like a book. 

He rarely thought about touching her, but then Maeve died, and suddenly he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

He’d never been able to hold her hand. He wondered what her fingers had looked like, how they’d fit with his own, whether her palms were rough with callouses or soft and smooth, whether she bit her nails. 

He’d never been able to kiss her, and he wondered how her lips would feel. Would their first kiss have been shy and sweet, or deep and passionate? Who would initiate it? Would they be in the middle of a conversation when he decided he couldn’t wait, or would she take the lead? 

He’d never slept next to her, never felt her breathing slow in the dark, never held her. He’d never run his fingers through her hair, or wiped away her tears, or danced with her. 

He missed her. 

He could remember her laugh, her voice, the barely-there crackle of her breath over the line when she paused to think. He held tight to those memories. He never wanted to let them go. 

It shouldn’t have been possible, but he missed her body, too. His skin felt strange and bare for the longest time, every inch of him feeling the lack of her. Every nerve and cell felt the ghost of her imagined touch. He dreamed about it all the time, dreamed that she was there, arms wrapped around him, body pressed close to his. 

He dreamed about trying to hold on: feeling her slip away, the way his throat went tight with panic… gunshots. Those dreams always ended in a gunshot, and when he woke up, he was terrified and crying out for her, reaching out in the dark, feeling only emptiness where she should’ve been. 

He just wants to apologize, and to say goodbye. He wishes he’d had a chance to hold her, just once. 

It never really stops hurting. Spencer knows he'll be hearing that gunshot in his dreams for the rest of his life, and he knows he’ll never get a chance to say goodbye. He knows he’ll never get a chance to touch her. Spencer meets someone new, one Sunday morning, in his favorite coffee shop. She’s curled up in an armchair, reading a book, and he’s so distracted by the way she’s smiling as her eyes whiz across the page that he trips over his feet and spills his fresh mug of coffee on her. He stammers an apology, painfully embarrassed. He grabs a handful of napkins and offers them to her, but all he can do is stand there uselessly as she dabs at the stain. 

She’s humming something. It takes a second for Spencer to place it. 

“Tom Waits,” he blurts out, and she looks up at him, grinning. 

“Go ahead and call the cops…” she sings quietly. 

“You don’t meet nice girls in coffee shops,” he finishes. “Tom Waits doesn’t know what he’s talking about, apparently.” 

She laughs. “Depends on your definition of nice, I guess.” 

“Can I take you out to dinner sometime?” he asks, almost choking on the words. She says yes, for some reason.  

At the end of their first date, he walks her to her door and panics. He doesn’t know how to bridge the gap between their bodies, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, and he’s utterly captivated by her. It’s been so long since he wanted to reach out and touch someone. 

So he steps back and raises a hand in a wave. She smiles like she understands, but he kicks himself as soon as the door closes behind her. 

That night, he dreams about the goodbye. He dreams about walking her to her building, watching her step inside, but this time when the door closes behind her, he hears a gunshot. He wakes up gasping, terrified that he’ll never get to kiss her goodnight. 

He calls her, first thing in the morning, and asks for a second chance. 

On their second date, he takes her to lunch. He watches her hands as she fidgets, and his fingers itch with the desire to reach out. He watches her lick a drop of water from her lip, and he gets lost, imagining what it would be like to kiss her. 

After lunch, they go to his favorite used bookstore. It's a labyrinth of a place, with low ceilings and three floors and five old spiral staircases. It feels like you could find anything around the next corner, like the air is thick with magic under the smell of aging paper and ink, and there's something about it that makes Spencer feel like a child again. He leads her up the hidden back staircase, ducking to make it under the lintel, and when she looks around the mazelike loft, her face lights up with childlike joy that mirrors his own. He grabs her hand, then. 

It's the first time they've touched. Her palm feels tiny in his. "Which way?" he asks, and she looks around, bright eyed, weighing the options. She pulls him through a narrow aisle, past the autobiographies, her eyes alight and her lips curled in a smile, her fingers still laced with his. They're in the travel section when he stops short, tugging on her hand to reel her in. He kisses her before he can think too hard. It’s breathless, clumsy, eager, both of them smiling, and it's perfect. She’s solid and warm against him. He slides one hand up to her neck, running his fingers through her hair, and then cups her jaw. The pad of his thumb rests right against her heartbeat where it kicks steadily under the thin skin. He kisses her again. 

The tangible physical evidence of life under his hands feels like a minor miracle. He knows how fragile it is; he knows how easily this could be ripped away from him, how easy it would’ve been for things to go differently, for her heart to stop before he ever got to feel her pulse. 

He holds her hand as he walks her back to her building that afternoon. His hand is slightly sweaty, but she doesn’t seem to mind. He holds on tight, fascinated by the way their fingers slot together and the way he can feel the tiny knobby bones of her knuckles when he brushes his thumb over them. He kisses her outside her apartment and he smiles all the way home. 

The first time he undresses her, he takes his time. He touches every new inch of skin, reverent, presses his lips to every scar and freckle, until she’s flushed, flustered by the attention. 

“What?” she asks, as he stares. 

“You’re incredible,” he mumbles, because she is. Spencer is fascinated by the soft give of her stomach, the rise and fall of her chest, the shifting muscles of her thighs and the lines of tendons in her neck when she arches her back. There’s so much happening under her skin: red blood cells ferrying oxygen as she gasps in a breath, nerve endings firing off wherever he touches her, infinitesimal electric pulses rushing off to her brain to translate the pressure of his fingers into pleasure. 

It’s not just heat and friction. It’s life. She’s warm and breathing and so very alive under his palms, and every sensation is a celebration. 

Spencer falls hard and fast. She fits in his messy little world, slots neatly into spaces that he never realized were empty, filling his life with her warm laugh. It’s easier than he expected, letting her in. 

They have their first fight in Spencer’s kitchen on a Saturday afternoon. Spencer’s not sure what it’s about, afterward. It’s a blur. 

He gets passive-aggressive instead of dealing with things, and she says something sharp in return. Anger rises hot and corrosive in his throat, strangling everything else. He can’t swallow it down so he spits it out instead, snarling something hurtful, and he knows it’s petty, he knows it’s childlike to lash out, but it’s what he does. It’s what he always does. 

Spencer never really learned how to have an argument that doesn’t end with someone storming out the door. 

“You should go,” he snaps. Her eyes are big and hurt, and Spencer turns his back. 

“Spencer.” 

“I said, you should go.” 

There’s a long pause. He hears her grab her purse from the table and head for the door without another word. 

Spencer goes cold all over, because she’s about to walk out before he can say goodbye, and suddenly he’s terrified. He’s terrified, and it feels like he’s choking. The dull thud of the deadbolt sliding open sounds like a gunshot. 

She’s already halfway out the door when he says, “Wait.”  

He moves quickly, slamming the door shut and wrapping his arms around her, clinging tight. She slides her hands up his back and fists them in his shirt, pulling him closer. Spencer squeezes his eyes closed and feels the tears spill over. 

Anger is a waste of time. Why does he do that? 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, before he can even apologize. 

“Please don’t go,” he says, in a small strained voice. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I — sorry.” 

She takes a big shuddery breath and he realizes she’s crying too. He presses his lips to her temple and wipes her tears away with the pad of his thumb, and he has to bite back the words, because he knows it’s not the right moment, but all he can think is, I love you. 

A couple days later, they’re in his kitchen again, making dinner, and the light is golden where it comes through the window. She’s smiling. He takes the vegetable peeler out of her hand, sets it down on the counter, and tugs her away. 

“Dance with me?” he asks. She doesn’t question it. She slips her hand into his and sways slowly with him in the quiet kitchen, and he tells her: “I love you.”

He still dreams about Maeve sometimes. 

He’s stumbling through a strange unfamiliar house, opening doors and finding one empty echoing room after another, and he can’t find her. He’s so fucking scared he can’t breathe, and he’s choking on it, throat closed up tight. 

Last door. He can’t open it, he’s trying, but the handle is stuck, and then — 

He wakes at the gunshot, wakes with a sob in the back of his throat, reaching out into empty space. 

Except it’s not empty. She’s already there, right there in his arms, sprawled half on top of him with her sweaty skin plastered to his. 

“You okay?” she asks, voice slurred with sleep. 

“I will be,” he whispers. She’s already falling back to sleep, but he says it anyway: “I’m glad you’re here.” 

He still sort of feels like he’s choking. Love feels a lot like fear, sometimes. 

It’s more like a stranglehold than an embrace, but he holds her close and listens to the steady rush of oxygen in her lungs. She shifts, digging a knee into his thigh. He’s getting pins and needles in one arm, and her breath is hot and damp on the side of his neck, tickling his skin with every exhale. Spencer is overheated and uncomfortable. He doesn’t move. 

There are billions of people in this world and trillions of cells in her body, and there are countless tiny miracles that led them to this moment: tangled in the sheets, breathing slowly in the darkness, together, alive. 

Spencer understands, now. He never, ever wants to stop touching her. 

.

.

.

[mouse-fantoms]

Easier Than Speaking

I just want to say that this only popped into my head because I saw @16fandomlover’s post about this. I’m the type of person to where if an idea is had then my brain will just start writing on it’s own and then I can never get it out of my head until it is written down. So without further ado, here it is!

Julie sat on her bed, criss-cross, using her binder as a hard surface to write on as she did her homework. Her dad was very clear about the whole “school-first” rule when it came to being in her own band, which was understandable. She was only in high school and she did miss the first three hours of school the night of the dance when the boys... well... ghosted her.

Once finishing her homework she could down to the garage and either hang with the guys or rehearse with them depending on if they had a gig to practice for or not. If Alex and Reggie weren’t in the studio and they didn’t have to rehearse for a gig that would be prime time for her and Luke to write together.

As she wrote the answer to the latest math problem on her paper, her phone light up besides her. A message from Flynn. She took a small moment away from her work to text back her best friend. Flynn had asked about what she saw Nick and her talk about earlier. Julie texted back and informed her of what happened about how he had asked her out but she politely declined. She saw the ‘Delivered’ message turn to ‘Read’ immediately upon sending. The light gray 3 dots appeared for a second then disappeared. She set her phone back down next to her expecting to get a reply later. When she sent it down she saw one of the guys poof to the foot of her bed from her peripheral vision.

“Oh you’re home.”

She looked up seeing it was Luke. “What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to see if you were home yet so we could write.”

“Well I am but school first.” She guestured to her homework. “Unless you want to help me with givens and proves then you can stay but until then you can wait.” She didn’t expect to get an answer.

“Givens and proves? Ugh, that’s-” the words seemed to trigger a memory for him. “Those are so annoying. If you want math help go to Alex.”

“Really?” The guy’s lives before meeting her never really came up.

Sure, she was curious but there was probably a reason for it not coming up that often. Unless it came up in conversation she knew not to press for information. She knew to keep her boundaries (unlike some people).

“Yeah and if you need science help go to Reggie, even though he says he’s not that good, he was always better at it than Alex and I ever were.”

“What about you?”

“I was always decent at English.”

She nodded in agreement. “That makes sense.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well with how you write your songs and how they turn out I can see how that could translate into an English class.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “sometimes writing is easier than speaking.”

“Speaking of writing, you can try to write something with one of the guys.” She suggested instead of him just having to wait for her.

He shook his head. “Reggie mainly wants to write country songs.”

“...Is that a bad thing?”

“What is with you two and country songs?!”

“Just give Home Is Where My Horse Is a chance.”

“He showed you it didn’t he?! I thought you would be strong.”

“Come on! Riding through trees by the river, Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger. Those are some killer lyrics.”

“It’s not even-“ he decided to let it go. “Oh! Speaking of lyrics,” he pulled something from his pocket, “I was meaning to ask you-”

She saw him unfold the paper that was folded into fourths. Her eyes went wide as she realized the writing. The handwriting on the back side of the paper was readable (so not Luke’s) and was scribbled and rushed. As if it was written in a hurry to get it out of a mind.

“Where’d you find that?” She asked hurried.

“It was on the piano.” He responded. “Was it a quick little song inspiration before school?”

“Uhh... yeah. Song... inspriation.” She agreed.

“These lyrics are-”

The anticipation for his next word worried her. Did he figure it out? He probably did. The song was very obviously about him.

“-killer.”

Oh ok, that was fine. That didn’t entirely mean that he figured it out.

Just then Julie turned her attention to her left where she heard someone poof in.

“See I told you he would be here!” Reggie told Alex next to him.

“I knew he would be but she told us to stay out of her room.” He answered.

“At least one of you understands boundaries.” She said to herself.

“What are you two doing here?” Luke looked up to see the pair.

“Seeing if you were here and not to bug Julie because she has school first to do.” Alex replied.

“Yeah I do! That’s right! I should probably finish and if I could also have that song back too,” she grabbed it from his hands, “I accidentally left it out at the piano it’s not even that... good.” She folded it back into fourths and put it on her nightstand for the time being.

“Not that good? Seriously!? What are you talking about?”

She hoped he would stop mentioning it. It made her anxious that at any point he would figure it out.

“Whoever that’s about is so lucky! If it is about anyone.”

“If?” Alex still couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized. “Really you still-” Julie gave him a glare that could rival the one of when they intruded on the family dinner the first night they’d met. “Yeah,” he immediately switched topics, “who ever that song is about is really lucky.” He ended up agreeing with Luke.

“We’re heaven on earth, melody and words” he began to sing, “Those are rad! That’s exactly why you’re a star!” She could see the look in his eyes whenever he talked about music. The fire and the passion. Also the way he lit up when he talked about her. It was one of the qualities she’d learned about him.

“...like a bright and burning one.” Reggie said under his breath which in response Julie gave the same glare she gave to Alex. Meanwhile, Luke asked what he said because he didn’t catch it.

“Uhh...” Julie giving him the death glare did not help as he thought of a response to tell him, “like always! Julie’s always a star like you always say! Yeah, always.” He looked to Julie to see if he did good and she let out a small sigh of relief.

“Always.” He gave his Luke smile to her. He finally moved away from her bed to the boys who had poofed by her closet.

As he walked over to them the front door being opened was heard and then running up the stairs which turned Julie’s attention toward her open bedroom door. Within seconds she saw Flynn rush into her room, passing right through Luke, about to start one of her rants to her.

“Woah... that is weird.” He looked to Reggie in response to being walked through. It wasn’t like last time when Julie and him were in the kitchen and she walked through him with her sandwich ingredients. It was sudden and quick.

“Right!”

“She’s determinated.” He could feel.

Flynn took a seat on Julie’s bed with her. She began going on about school as well as about band stuff to her friend, meanwhile the boys were still in her room overhearing the conversation. Considering she was talking about some stuff referring to the band maybe she would mention some other things too and it was easier staying instead of having Julie bring it up to them later.

“Speaking of that,” Flynn continued on about what she was talking about as her friend just sat and listened, “onto the other, well MAIN reason I came. Please tell me you did not decline a date with an actual person, and the actual person being Nick of all people, because of the whole Luke thing.”

Julie’s eyes went wide. “Flynn...” she said worried hoping she would hear and get the memo to stop talking.

“Luke thing?” The one who’s name was mentioned raised an eyebrow at.

“You’ve waited for it to happened for how long? Only to decline him for what? Some air-”

“Air?” The statement offended him. He turned to his friends next to him. “Am I just air?”

“Well on the techinal side-” Alex bumped Reggie in the arm alerting him to look at Julie to show him that this was not the time for their antics. She had a flustered expression as she just wanted her friend to stop talking but was not getting the memo just going on and on.

“-oh no sorry “cute air” to quote you-”

“...Flynn.” She pleaded starting to put her head in her knees.

“-like I said Luke is next level to crush on. I mean you have liked Nick for how long? And then he gets up staged by this random ghost guy. I mean don’t get me wrong they brought music back into your life and that’s amazing but to decline Nick over some dead guy. Although I get that you two clicked but you could have also had that with Nick, but I mean it has been awhile. If he asked you before class the other day, when the whole time instead of dancing with Nick you were imaging Luke, would you have said yes then? He really just has bad timing all the time now doesn’t he?”

Julie sat with her head in her knees wanting to curl into a ball from... well... a lot of things.

“Jules?” She asked. “What’s- ...the guys are here aren’t they?”

Still with her head in her knees she nodded.

“...all of them?”

She nodded once again.

She hoped it wasn’t as bad as what she thought. “...Including-”

“What else does all of them mean?” She picked her head up to look at her, trying to disregard the ghosts she saw from the corner of her eye. “There’s only 3!”

“...you know...” she sat up from the bed backing up towards the door, “I think I hear your dad calling...” when she backed up against the wall close to the door she turned around, went out the room and rounded the corner going down the staircase.

As much as she didn’t want to, there was nothing else to do but look to the boys. Alex and Reggie gave the same look of uneasiness. Meanwhile Luke was, well, stunned to say the least.

“...it’s not so bad.” Alex tried to help.

The response in the form of a look told him otherwise.

“Reg, something tells me we overstayed our welcome.”

“...yeah... hey maybe you could hang with Ray and-” Alex poofed away before Reggie could finish. “Guess it’ll just be me and Ray then.” He concluded before poofing away himself leaving the... interesting pair alone.

“...cute air?” Luke finally found the words to say.

Julie groaned as her head went to the ceiling and her body fell into the pillows behind her.

“You know that song makes a lot more sense now.”

“Yeah...” she sighed, “it does. Sometimes writing is easier than talking.”

She felt the end of her bed go down. She picked herself up to see that he had taken a seat at the edge.

“...it’s still a pretty rad song.” He kept his space from her guessing her emoions. “Reggie and Alex seemed to put it together pretty quickly.”

“I don’t get how you didn’t.”

“My guess was it was about that Nick guy.”

“I wish.” She then realized how bad that sounded. “That’s not what I-”

“It’s fine I know what you meant. Falling for some ghost probably isn’t on your bucket list.”

“Well it wasn’t but then you guys showed up.”

“Well do be fair you did call us cute.”

“You also thought I was a witch.” She brought up.

“There were chairs on the ceiling. What else is the logical explanation?”

“Maybe tying them there for storage.”

“Reggie had a very convincing arugment.”

“Argum-” she paused, “it’s Reggie! What arugment?”

“Alex said that witches don’t exist then Reggie said how they say ghosts don’t exist but here we are now.” He gestured to himself.

They shared a laughed together. This was nice. Not having any tension in the air. No akwardness. Just Julie and Luke being... Julie and Luke.

[petrichorpetals]

My second comeback as an atiny and my first time getting to vote for a title track! 💕

I'm just gonna go over some of the things in deja vu I noticed off the bat. I'll scour over the mv with a fine tooth comb later but yeosang and seonghwa put me in chokehold this go around (in the mv no less! It's usually stages that murder me) plus it's 6 am and not only have I not slept but I have class later so I'm not at top form. Some things in no particular order:

I tried going through the lyrics first after getting obliterated by visuals the first go around just watching normally and we have some pretty obvious lyrical parallels like inception (dream in a dream) and desire (I'm thirsted by desire). There's probably a lot more subtle ones but I'm not done with my lyric translation and too sleepy to notice.

Wooyoung and the black dahlias. Leave it to wooyoung to literally have the flower that symbolizes betrayal lmao.

Speaking of wooyoung, whatever THAT move was with San was very reminiscent of something tm. I just can't quite put my finger on what. I thought it was their fake love cover at first but no that bit of choreo is achingly familiar.

And speaking of San, my poor boy can't catch a break can he 😭 he's just always trying his best tm and keeps getting shit happen to him. He already got shot by mingi in thanxx and now he has wooyoung doing whatever exactly that was to him. Side note: San always has the save me lines as well

The grouping of yeosang and seonghwa again! It showed up especially prominently in thanxx before this point

Yeosang if San has all the save me lines you always have the remember ones I swear. Given the incident with the chromer at the end I'm inclined to believe that yeosang got here before hala!honjoong did but when he arrived his chromer broke so he's been trapped with school!ateez. Given yeosang's persistent imagery of being trapped it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to say he was trapped in this dimension too.

That hand at the end with yeosang. It's pretty obviously the school!ateez uniform and while seonghwa, hongjoong, or yunho could all be possible contenders given my understanding of the plot, the line yunho says in inception of "You didn't know me. After I bumped into you" can point towards that hand belonging to him. (Tbh I initially thought that line was talking about jongho given yunho saved him from quote "giving up everything" so we already have an established history of yunho offering people hands)

The tvs with yeosang and seonghwa remind me a lot of the tvs in the diary film as well as the tvs from inception.

The blue butterfly from answer returns! What that means story wise I'm not quite sure. Yeosang has it and given the end bit it might be relevant but 🤷‍♀️. I place answer at the end of my timeline so I'm more concerned with the how did we get there thing over what answer means.

The cars tm. Not gonna lie I'm absolutely one of those atiny that went WAIT THE CARS FROM THANXX MEANT SOMETHING??? Given the little fancy transition we got from jongho going ahhh to hongjoong facing his hala self, we we the cars as well as some other important symbolism in the form of the chromer and butterfly I saw so we can guess they're more than just prop decorations.

Speaking of hala!hongjoong, something I couldn't help but notice is we only really see hala!hongjoong in our fever series. Nobody else. In the treasure series we pretty consistently saw hala!jongho which makes me wonder: are we going to get a series for each member and their hala self controlling a certain dimension? Are the dreams technically classified as dimensions? We got told the fever series is the prequel to treasure so we start with hala!hongjoong which makes the most sense considering he's the one that stole the chromer. But yeosang still had one. I'm not sure if he had the one that hala!hongjoong gave his normal self or if this yeosang is a new contender from elsewhere. We might potentially get confirmation from the diary version of the album whenever my copy decides to arrive.

Oh yea I'm still horrible for choreo that's Casper's expertise so I'll enlist his help trying to figure that out whenever he gets done trying to red string txt's storyline together.

[katidioms]

Whenever you do journal do you end up looking some words/phrases up? (Or should you only use what you know?)

Because there’s absolutely no way for me to write all of what I’m thinking with the amount I have learned in my target language!

Yes and no hehe 😅, and don’t worry, I absolutely understand you! 😭 So, what works for me is:

✔️ Sometimes I search for quotes and the translation and If I like what means I go to my journal and write it down with its meaning, can be the lyrics of a song, a quote from a book,  or something that will be helpful to sound more like a “native” like an expression, slang, idiom, etc.

✔️ Sometimes I combine my native language and words that I know in my target language, then I’ll search the words that I don’t know.

✔️ My last but most used method is to write with the help of reverso, I write in my native laguage and then I translate in my target language. I personally like to use reverso, I think it’s very complete, you can search the meaning of words, examples of the words, the conjugation and many more things.

📌 There’s a video that was really helpful for me that talks about how to write in a foreign language, it’s by this youtuber Lindie Botes and I’m sure her content will help you a lot (here’s the video) (:

Finally, in my opinion,✨ there’s not a right way to write or journal in your target language✨. Even writing a journal in your native language is something personal, you just have to try and see what it looks better for you, it can be clean and organised with some notes here and there, or it can be an absolutely mess haha, but that’s fine! Thank you for asking, hope it helps you ;)