#where the FUCK is my ONE PIXEL WIDE GAP

[umblrspectrum]

mspaint is so fun when i've got no fucking idea what im doing

[everygame]

Ice Climber (NES)

Developed/Published by: Nintendo R&D1 / Nintendo Released: 30/1/1985 Completed: 16/05/2022 Completion: Beat all 32 levels, but not in one go or anything. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Ah. Ah man. Have you ever played this? I mean man. You are literally never going to believe this one. I’ve lamented before that the “Nintendo Seal of Quality” is essentially meaningless in 2022, but turns out it didn’t mean that much in 1985 either. A lot of the NES games so far I think I’m happy enough to call products of their time and/or just not being to my taste (I don’t care about Baseball; Tennis games have simply improved too much, etc. etc.) but Ice Climbers has to be the first Nintendo game I’ve played where I could easily believe it’s just so badly done it’s close to broken.

It’s so bad, to be honest, that I’m not going to take any more shit from people who grew up on the NES talking smack about the home computers people in the UK grew up on. People talking about janky play, crappy jumps. But listen to me sunshine; when Miner Willy jumps, you know where he’s going to land! Go off and play Ice Climber and see how you feel!

But seriously folks, if you play Ice Climber the very first thing you are going to notice is the completely insane jump. Initially you’re going to be like “this jump is very weird and high and floaty?” and then you’re going to be like “HOW AM I NOT LANDING ON THE PLATFORM” for all of the rest of the hours or more likely minutes you play the game.

You see, Ice Climber has a very weird decision to be extremely strict about whether you are actually landing on a platform when you jump. It seems to require most of your sprite to be over the platform to “count” meaning that if you’ve played literally any other game ever your mindset of “as long as my character is at least slightly over the platform edge, they’ll make it” is just going to fuck you up. Over and over. And over again.

It’s not helped, to be honest, by a jump that is already extremely demanding to understand. There’s a gap of time before left/right movement seems to kick in, so it seems to feel better to not push a direction until you’re actually in the air, but then also left/right momentum from the moments prior jumping does seem to have some sort of effect? Although what feels like nine times out of ten you’ll still fall off the edge of the platform. 

This is made even worse by truly bonkers level design. First, to describe the game better, you’re simply a little fella in a parka who is trying to get up 32 mountains to collect the vegetables a… pterodactyl(?) has stolen. Each mountain follows the same design: you’ve got about eight “levels” of platforms, which are generally made of ice-blocks that you break with your head, ice-blocks you can’t break with your head, and moving clouds you can ride, before a “bonus stage” where you try and collect the vegetables without fear of dying by falling off the bottom of the screen (as you can and will do in the “main” level.)

On the way up you face off against wee yeti characters, the Topi, who shovel ice to add platforms (often undoing the space you’ve made to jump through, but in other situations increasing your safety) and birds that just fly about being fucking annoying. Oh, and also a bear in sunglasses shows up to bump the screen upwards if you’re taking too fucking long, which you probbably are because you’re expected in many cases to do pixel-perfect jumps with that fucking jump!

Let’s talk about that level design. Pretty much as soon as you’re “comfortable” the game is like “ok, jump through single spaces between ice-blocks even though your character is wider than that. Oh and also if they’re non-destructable ice-blocks I don’t think that’s possible ever? And if you jump against a wall when trying you’ll bounce off it. And here’s some tiny platforms to stand on, like one or two ice-blocks wide… did I mention they’re actually conveyor belts? Yeah, fight that the whole time, and then jump on a tiny cloud that’s moving incredibly fast. Oh and also we’ve been pretty careful to make sure that you can get yourself into nigh-unwinnable situations due to the way we’ve positioned walls of ice-blocks. Have fun!

It is, and I’m really not joking, crazy. I actually can’t get over that anyone at Nintendo went “no, this is good.” I understand that this was released in the first month of 1985 in Japan, but [checks notes] oh yeah Nintendo made Donkey Kong! It’s not like they’re having to go out there and rip off Joust again! 

I don’t know if I should be proud, really, that I finished this (not that there’s an ending, it just loops after level 32) although they must have known that people would get pissed off with this because it just allows you to pick any level to start from, allowing you to brute force your way through this level by level. Even though, really, once you’ve seen the first couple of levels you’ve seen everything there is to see outside of “different brutally crappy level design.”

Will I ever play it again? No. I’ve heard some argue that the game is a lot more fun in two-player, which is probably true, but that jump man. It’s just not worth it.

Final Thought: I suppose I skipped the fact that your wee hero has a hammer, which he can use to batter the Topi (who are, amusingly/controversially, seals in the Japanese version) but even though it’s a game about breaking ice blocks you don’t actually use your hammer for that but your head, and when you jump you can kill birds but only if your hammer is what collides with them (this is another insanely annoying thing.) It’s pretty mental to make an entire game about something that I do my best to avoid as a level designer (the player hitting their head of ceilings) and make it feel this crappy.

But of course, the argument to be made for Ice Climber is that it informed the design of Super Mario Bros., which came about six months later, what with the fact that Mario is always hitting his head off blocks and shit. And, as I remarked a long time ago while writing about Super Mario Bros. Deluxe, it’s not like the first Super Mario Bros. doesn’t have a quirky sort of game feel anyway. But the original Mario Bros. also had head bumps in it, and was also shit, so I dunno how well that holds (outside of the fact that programmer Kazuaki Morita considered this a “warm up” before working on Super Mario Bros.) 

Anyway. Ice Climber. Not even once.

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[bubblesuga]

Catch My Fall

Part 1 of my 7 part College AU

Summery: Kim Seokjin is a master gamer. Those who play Ms. Pac Man at the local university tremble when they see him approach, and he enjoyed his reputation for two whole years. That is, until you showed up and beat his high score.  

Warnings: Cussing, smut (oral, M receiving, unprotected sex) 

Word Count: 5,640

A/N: I’m super excited about this AU, and writing the first part just made me even more excited. I hope you guys enjoy, and thank you for reading!! xx

Kim Seokjin was known for being good. 

The on campus arcade was his spot, the place he spent his free time. More specifically, Ms. Pac Man. 

It wasn’t like he meant to become the best player at Ms. Pac Man on campus, but he couldn’t help himself. He found himself addicted, playing for hours and hours. A few people gathered around, Namjoon being one to watch his friend as he hunched over the arcade game and won every screen with expert precision. 

Soon enough, he held the high score. Beating 196 screens and scoring a whopping 676,458 points, he cheered, and so did the people around him. 

That was two years ago, however. Yet, nobody has been able to beat his high score yet. Occasionally, he’d check the machine and make sure KSJ was still displayed proudly at the top of the high score list. Every time he walked near the machine, people would talk. He had a few people claim to have come close to beating it, but each time he proved them wrong and again, reigned King. 

“I’m just saying,” Jimin spoke, a mouthful of food, gesturing wildly to his friend, “what are you going to do when it is broken? You should try to break it yourself so that people have to try even harder.” 

Seokjin tossed a noodle in the direction of Jimin, “I don’t need to worry. It’s been too long, do you really think someone could just randomly show up and beat it now?”  

“Yes.” Everyone besides Seokjin at the table said in unison. 

They were all very aware of how proud Seokjin was of his score. He was becoming cocky, too confident in himself but with each passing Friday night, someone came closer and closer to inching him off the screen. 

Seokjin scoffed, “Come on, have you no faith?” 

“We have faith you could beat it again.” Jungkook, the youngest of the group, grinned. 

Seokjin stood from his spot at the cafeteria, “My skill outweighs your faith, young one.” 

With that, he tossed his garbage into the trash can while his friends watched him strut away. Yoongi groaned, “I don’t want to have to deal with his moping around when someone beats it! I’m his roommate so I’m going to be around it the most!” 

“Let’s all hope that it happens after we graduate.” Hoseok said, sipping his coffee and shrugging. 

Seokjin entered the arcade the following Friday Night, inhaling deeply and turning to Namjoon with a grin, “You smell that, Joonie?” 

“Desperation and sweat?” Namjoon responds, looking around the arcade that was mostly filled with freshman these days. He saw many kids hunched over arcade games, reminding him of his parents at casinos. Maybe there wasn’t as much of a generational gap as he thought.

“No,” Seokjin sighed, “it’s the smell of victory. You see, I thought over what Jimin said and he’s right. I definitely should try to beat my high score before some other chump does. I think I could do it tonight if I wanted to.” 

They walked through the arcade as he spoke, waving hello to a few of the employees and a couple of the regulars. Seokjin spotted a few girls standing at Street Fighter II, yelling at each other while they fought. He couldn’t help the smirk on his face while he spotted you, adjusting your beanie while you jumped up and celebrated your win against your friend. 

“You gonna work on your score?” Taehyung wrapped his arms around Seokjin and Namjoon, clad in his arcade uniform and keys jingling on his belt. There was benefits to being friends with the night manager, Seokjin could call dibs on a machine and Taehyung would place an out-of-order sign on it until he arrived. 

“Yes I am, and I’m going to beat it too. Even if it’s by a hundred points, it’s that much harder to beat.” Seokjin gave Taehyung a wink and patted his head. Continuing through the crowd, Namjoon pouted when Seokjin walked passed Guitar Hero and straight towards his usual machine. 

There was a crowd around it, Freshman whispering and gasping when they spotted Seokjin approaching. Seokjin tilted his head, “Ah yes, it is me, KSJ! Run along children and let the master show you how it’s done.” 

“We would,” a fresh faced boy turned to Seokjin with a grin, “but KSJ is no longer the master.” 

“What?” Seokjin’s eyes glared into the kid, “what do you mean?” 

“Well, now SMD has the top score. Looks like you’re a little too late in beating yourself.” 

Seokjin pushed the kid aside and studied the screen with an open jaw. Sure enough, displayed just above his initials were the initials SMD with 677,910 right next to it, the tiny pixelated lettering causing a sharp kick to his ego that was so prominent at the beginning of the day. Namjoon couldn’t help the small chuckle to leave his lips, covering his mouth quickly once he saw Seokjin shooting daggers at him. 

“Who’s the fuck is SMD?” He shouts, turning around with wild eyes. This caused a small bit of laughter to spread throughout the crowd in front of the machine. 

Seokjin looked around, trying desperately to see the person who dethroned him on the game he was best at. After a moment, he tossed his head back and let out an exasperated sigh. 

“SMD?” A small voice pushed through the crowd, meeting Seokjin’s eyes. 

“Yeah, do you know who he is?” Seokjin recognized you from earlier, taking a split second to admire how your hair framed your face beautifully. Your eyes were bright, laced with innocence, and didn’t look away from him. 

“He is me,” You giggled, “also it’s quite dated ideology to assume that only a man could beat your high score-” you leaned around his broad shoulders, “-Mr. KSJ.” 

“Well I- That’s not what I-” Seokjin stuttered, only to be cut off by your laugh. 

You leaned forward, stepping on the tips of your toes for your lips to meet his ear, “Looks like you’re going to have to work hard to beat me, KSJ.” 

With that, Seokjin watched you walk through the crowd with a gaunt expression. Namjoon was the first to break the silence that followed, “You just got your ass handed to you.” 

Seokjin ignored the feeling of heat coursing through his body, the burning from where your lips grazed his ear too big of an indication of what kind of distraction you could be to him. 

Instantly, Seokjin shook the shock from his face and whipped around, inserting two coins into the slot and hearing the familiar theme tune sing through his ears. His hand gripped the joystick tightly, his knuckles turning white while he moved Ms. Pac Man through each level. 

Namjoon watched idly for a while, pulling up a stool next to him and shaking his head as he watched his friend effectively lose his mind over some numbers on a screen. 

Once he saw the score reach 500,000, he pulled away for a moment to celebrate before quickly gripping the joystick again. You wouldn’t leave his mind, your smug face looking up at him while you rubbed it in his face about you winning. Who even were you? You couldn’t be older than 20. How could you have beat him so quickly? Two days ago the high score was his then you came out of nowhere and wrecked his reputation. 

“I’m going to go, Jin.” Namjoon said. 

“Hm.” Seokjin grunted, still watching the little yellow ball consume every pellet on the screen. 

Namjoon realized Seokjin didn’t hear a thing he just said. “Jin? Can you look away for a second?” 

No response. 

“Oh my god, that chick just took off her top! She’s pouring beer all over herself!” 

Still nothing. Namjoon patted his friend’s shoulder, mentioning that he’ll see him later and walking out of the door. 

Finally, after too long, Seokjin’s bright yellow circle was cornered by Inky and Blinky and consumed into nothingness. Finally, in bright text 680,002 blinked across the screen. “Yes!”

He turned around and realized there was nobody around him, Taehyung sat at the desk at the front with his face planted down. “Tae! Where is everyone?” 

“We closed like a half hour ago, man. I tried to tell you but you were like a fucking zombie.” Taehyung spoke, exhaustion lacing his voice as Seokjin knew he was ready to leave. 

“Sorry, but I beat her!” He turned back and entered his initials, KSJ sandwiching SMD. He couldn’t help but grin, grabbing his things and tapping Taehyung’s counter in goodbye and heading home for a nice sleep. 

Once he arrived home, he walked passed Yoongi asleep on the couch, heading towards his bed and closing his eyes. However, once his eyes were closed, he couldn’t help but toss and turn because of the beanie girl filling his thoughts. 

Her plump smirk and shot blood to his cock, and he couldn’t help but reach his hand down and feel himself through his boxers.

~*~*~

On Monday, Seokjin caught up to Jimin while walking to class, telling him the tale of beanie girl and Ms. Pac Man. Jimin listened through tired ears, sipping coffee on the way to the agricultural science building. 

Seokjin followed Jimin in, “And her initials are SMD. I can’t even begin to guess what her name is.” 

Jimin chuckled, “Sounds like someone has a crush.” 

“Hah! You’re funny. No, she’s my mortal enemy. She doesn’t even- who’s that?” Seokjin stopped outside a classroom, pointing obviously to you. He immediately recognized you, his eyes going wide when he realized this was Jimin’s classroom as well. Your hair was pulled away from your face and he could see your bright smile while you spoke to a professor animatedly. 

Fuck. He thought. Images of his dreams running through his head. He tried desperately to shake these thoughts from his head, your shirt dipping just low enough to give him a view which made it even harder. 

“Her? Oh that’s (Y/N), she’s a Sophomore and transferred from somewhere up north. She’s my partner in this term’s agricultural assignment.” He gave Seokjin a small shrug. 

“(Y/N) isn’t even close to SMD.” Seokjin whispered, more to himself than anyone. Confusion laced his features, causing Jimin to look between the two of you. 

“Jesus Christ, don’t tell me that (Y/N) is SMD?” Jimin’s laughter caused your attention to be drawn over to the doorway, a smirk lacing your features when you saw KSJ staring at you with that same shocked expression he held on Friday. You shook your head, turning your spray bottle back to the tomato plants hanging in perfect lines. 

“She certainly is SMD.” Suddenly, an idea popped into Seokjin’s head. He strolled passed Jimin into the classroom, walking straight up to you. 

You looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, rolling up your sleeves while you leaned down and looked through the dirt beneath your plants, “Yes Mr. KSJ?” 

“I just wanted to let you know that I beat your score. You’re going to have to put up a bigger fight if you want to beat me.” He spoke, trying to ignore the hint of a tattoo peaking out of your shirt on your back. 

You scoffed, “That’s real cute,” standing, you slipped your gloves off your hands, “that you think I can’t go down there today and beat you again.” 

Seokjin inhaled, the smell of Earth filling his nostrils while he puffed his chest in an attempt not to seem so intimidated by your confidence. “Then do it.” 

“I will.” You spoke, your eyes trailing up and down him, not attempting to hide your wandering gaze. He was broad, so much so you felt you couldn’t get your arms around him. 

To him, your eyes were challenging. Seokjin was tempted to push you onto the ground and take you in front of the entire class. He wanted to wipe that smug grin off your face and shut you up with a mouthful of his cock. However, he swallowed his thoughts and stared you down, “I look forward to seeing you there then.” 

He turned on his heel and walked away, speeding up once he thought that you weren’t looking anymore. 

“What did Seokjin say to you?” Jimin asked, slipping an apron over his clothes and setting his coffee down on the table beside you. 

“His name is Seokjin? That’s cute. He your friend?” You tried to seem distracted, but in reality you couldn’t help but allow your mind to picture his head between your thighs with your back arched on the bed of your dorm room. 

“Uh, yeah. One of my best friends, why?” Jimin said, taking a spray bottle and carefully watering a few plants. 

“Hm, no reason. He just talked about beating my score in Ms. Pac Man.” You gave Jimin a smile, turning your back and blowing out a breath of air while trying your hardest to concentrate on your schooling. 

Later that day, Seokjin rushed out of his last lecture and ran out of the Foods building and towards the arcade. Once he approached the building, he slowed down to catch his breath, seeing you walk in with a few girls following close behind. He put his hands on his knees, breathing deeply. He looked into the window of a car, adjusting his hair and tugging down his shirt. 

He felt his palms sweat with anticipation as he swung open the arcade door. Taehyung was already there, beginning his shift. “Hey, I didn’t know you’d be here today. I didn’t put the sign up.” 

“No there’s no need to, Ms. SMD is beating my score.” Seokjin held up air quotes, only to hear you clear your throat from behind him. 

He turned around, leaning against the counter, “Hey there SMD.” 

“Come on, Mister. We’ve got a record to beat.” You gripped his wrist, dragging him back towards the machine. He couldn’t help the smile across his face when he felt your touch. 

You slipped two coins into the slot, your hand lightly dancing across the joystick for the first few levels. Between each level, you felt turned back to Seokjin with a small smile. He only glared, though, watching as your hand moved and jerked the joystick carefully to avoid every ghost. 

Once you hit screen 50, you rubbed your neck and rolled it for a few seconds. A crowd had gathered and while Seokjin was used to it, he noticed you becoming more and more nervous. 

“Alright children, let the woman breathe! Back away!” Seokjin shooed people away, “She needs all the help he can get, so you can’t be distracting her. We need to be fair.” 

“KSJ?” You spoke. 

“Yes SMD?” His sang, humor in his voice.

“Shut the fuck up.” You tried to hide the grin on your face, passing yet another screen. The crowd dispersed, following Seokjin’s orders. Finally, you made it to a point where a theatrical cut scene hit and you could lean back for about 30 seconds. 

Seokjin was now gnawing at his nails, and you took a moment to admire his looks. 

He knew he was an attractive man, he often joked about being blessed from birth with good looks but when someone he was interested in checked him out, he couldn’t help but feel confidence leave his body. His ears poked out from his long hair, turning red at your gaze. 

“It’s starting.” He pointed at the screen and you uncrossed your arms, turning your attention back to the game. 

“So what do I get once I beat you?” You questioned, quickly changing your direction and slipping to the other side of the screen to suck up the last of the pellets. 

“Well you get your initials on top of mine.” Seokjin reasoned, pointing at the screen and taking your attention away for half a second. You quickly adjusted, doubling back and clearing another screen. “Yeah but what about something more?” 

“Why am I even humoring this? You’re not going to beat me.” Seokjin’s confidence lacked truth. Of course he was worried you would beat him, and of course your proposition for a prize immediately caused his mind to rush with ideas of your hands tied up above your head. 

“What ever you say, sir.” A smirk hung on your lips. 

At this point Seokjin couldn’t keep his eyes on the game, instead he watched your face. You dragged your bottom lip between your teeth, concentration on your brow when you saw your score reach 600,000. 

As the next screen wipes through, you begin moving to the left, faking right before finding yourself being chased by all four ghosts. “No no no!” You shout, slipping through the right side of the screen and desperately trying to get to your last powerup. In the process, you eat as much fruit as you can before doubling back, sliding right into a corner and disappearing into nothing. 

You stare up at the score, watching it tick up and finally end on 617,180. 

“Noo!” You screeched, dropping to your knees in front of the game, your hands slipping down the front in dispair. 

“Yes!” Seokjin yelled, jumping up in celebration and sinking down to your level, “Hah! I knew you wouldn’t be able to beat it! I fucking knew it!” 

While you lay on the ground, you hid your smile with your hair, watching him jump and spin in celebration. Seokjin gripped your hand and pulled you up to him, “It’s a shame you didn’t. I had a pretty good idea for what you would win.” 

“And what would that be?” You were suddenly aware of your close proximity, his breath fanning the top of your cheeks. His hand was large compared to yours, masking your fingers with his. “You’ll have to win to find out.” He grinned, picking up his bookbag and walking out of the arcade. Taehyung watched him walk out, a confused look on his face. He glanced towards you, only to see you shrug. 

~*~*~

When Saturday night rolled around, Seokjin found himself at the arcade. For a while, he and Namjoon played Snooker, his desperate attempts to look cool failing him because he just continued to look around for you. Taehyung being off that night made it difficult for Seokjin to call dibs on the machine. 

He hoped you beat him there, already working on your next attempt to beat him. The truth was, he didn’t have a clue what to give you if you won. He became nervous at your proposition, wondering if you had the same things running through your head as he did. He was sure you didn’t, seeing as your prize for beating him in his mind would be tying you to the bedpost and shutting you up with a ball gag. 

After a couple of hours, Namjoon suggests you two meet everyone else at the bar down the road. Dejected, Seokjin agreed only if Namjoon would pay for his first drink. 

“And they’ve arrived!” Yoongi shouts, holding up a half drank beer and stumbling slightly over his words. Beside him stood a girl who was a little too close for friends, causing Seokjin to sigh when he realized just how much he was missing out on dating currently. 

“Yes, hope you didn’t miss me too much.” Namjoon pats the top of Yoongi’s head, ordering two beers at the bar and turning back to the table. 

Jimin looked up, a small smile on his face, “(Y/N) should bee here soon, Jin.” 

Seokjin’s eyes go wide, “W- why are you telling me?” 

“Because you like her. Duh.” Jimin smirked, finishing off a drink and heading towards the jukebox to change the song to something a little more modern. 

Seokjin tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach when he heard your name. He didn’t think it was possible to fall for someone so quickly, yet here he was, wondering how your day went. If you passed your classes last semester, or if you like to wear stockings beneath a short skirt. . . 

He zoned out, not noticing the bell above the door ring, announcing your return. Jimin rushed to you, greeting you with a small hug. He whispered a small “Thank you, Jin really likes you” in your ear as he did so, knowing that it wouldn’t play against your favor if he was so blunt. 

You ignore the blush on your cheeks before spotting Seokjin and sat down at a table. He was surrounded by other people, one you recognized as the manager at the arcade. Seokjin’s back was lean, he was tall and his face flushed from the warmth of the alcohol. 

Not so confidently, you stepped your way towards the table and rested your hand on Seokjin’s shoulder, startling him out of his trance. 

“Hello SMD.” He said, not hiding his smile. Earlier thoughts of you on your knees seemed to had dissipated and now you turned his legs to jelly. 

“Please call me by my name, Seokjin.” You scolded playfully, standing closely beside him. It wasn’t until you felt eyes on you did you realize that nobody knew who you were besides Jimin. “(Y/N), I uh, I play games with Seokjin sometimes.” You introduced yourself to the group of people, only watching them nod and turning back to their respective conversations. 

“How come you weren’t at the arcade earlier?” Seokjin asked, mostly making casual conversation but also worried you were avoiding him. He snagged a chair from another table and slid it next to him, allowing you to sit down. 

You smiled, “Awe, did you miss me?” 

Seokjin’s mouth goes dry, “N- no, I-” 

“That’s adorable.” You reach forward, pinching his cheek in your hand. 

“Hey!” Seokjin whined loudly, gripping your wrist. The top of his ears went red at your touch, “I am a grown man, you can’t pinch my cheeks.” 

You giggled, “but your face is so pinchable, I can’t help it. Besides, you missed me today and won’t admit it.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He grins, his eyes meeting yours for the first time today. They were bright underneath the bar lights, and you couldn’t help but reach up and push his hair from his face. His eyes fluttered at your touch, and you pulled your hand away in slight embarrassment. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

“Please.” You responded, feeling him slip passed you and towards the bar. He didn’t know what to order, pointing to the first thing he saw that looked sweet. You watched him talk to the bartender, his hands clasped in front of him while he rose an eyebrow.

The bartender pulled out the mixers and began making your drink, moving fast and filling a beer for Seokjin. He made his way back to you, handing you the drink and watching you take your first sip. 

When you licked your lips afterward, he let out a breath. “You like martinis?” 

“Honestly I’d an entire bottle of vodka right now.” You said, feeling your the drink rush through your veins. You didn’t take long to finish it, jumping into a conversation with the group of people in front of you. 

Seokjin’s eyes trailed up and down your body, stopping and staring at the way your skirt hugged your ass perfectly. The tattoo on your lower back was now in full view, the words “Baby Girl” with a heart around it inked into your perfect skin. 

His finger reached forward, tracing the ink, “When did you get this done?” 

“Oh,” you turned at his touch, “I got it at 17, I thought it was a good idea at the time but now I regret it.” Your face turned red, giving Seokjin a sheepish smile. He bit his lip in response, “I think it’s cute. Why baby girl?” 

“Mm,” you hummed as you sipped another drink, “that’s a story for another day.” You turned back to his group of friends, continuing your earlier conversation. 

Seokjin grinned at how easily you fit in, having a heated debate between with Hoseok about why Thrift Stores are just as acceptable to buy name brand clothes as anywhere else. 

“Anyway, I found these Gucci slides at Uptown Cheapskate for $45. The same slides that usually sell for $450. So suck on that, hat man!” You shouted, downing one of the many shots brought to your table. 

Hoseok’s mouth dropped, “Jin you need to control your woman.” 

“Hey, she’s not my woman yet. And she can do what she wants.” Seokjin shrugged, leaning back in his chair and watching you lean over the table to tug Hoseok’s hat over his eyes. 

“Yet?” You lean back, giving Seokjin a grin. He nodded, “Yet.” 

“Well what’s stopping you then?” You questioned leaning closer to him. He chuckled, “You have to beat my high score.” 

“Fuck the high score.” You muttered, leaning forward and finally crashing your lips onto his. He smiled into the kiss, his hands finding your hips easily. 

Of course he was good with his tongue, darting it between your lips effortlessly. You were tempted to crawl into his chair and straddle his lips. You were tempted to feel his hips bucking into yours underneath the friction of his jeans against the underneath of your skirt. 

But you were in public, this couldn’t happen. 

“You want to get out of here?” You pulled away, Seokjin’s lips swollen and shiny. He nodded wordlessly, allowing you to grip his hand and pull him up and out of the building. The half drank beers were left on the table while Jimin watched you pull Seokjin away with a smirk.

On the walk towards your dorms, Seokjin’s hands didn’t leave your body. He walked behind you, his hands underneath the hem of your shirt while his lips danced lazily up and down your neck. You made no effort in pushing him off, knowing that this wasn’t the craziest thing that these students have seen on campus this week. 

“Jin, you have to be careful or I’m going to start taking off my clothes now.” You warn once you feel his hand creep further up your shirt. He only chuckled, his laugh contagious. You bit your lip, pulling out your keys once you made it to your dorm room, unlocking the door. 

As soon as you opened the door, Seokjin pushed you in and towards your bed. His kiss was less gentle, all teeth crashing into each other only breaking to pull your shirt over your head. 

Your hand unbuttoned his shirt haphazardly, feeling him reach and rip the buttons off his shirt to slip it off quicker. Sure enough, his shoulders were broad but his waist was slim, a hint of a 6 pack rested on his abdomen. You couldn’t help but run your hands over his muscles, your nails lightly scratching just above his pelvic bone. 

Quickly, you pushed him down onto your bed, watching his face fall open in shock much like when he first saw you. “Oh don’t act so surprised now, Jinnie,” you straddled his hips, “you should have figured where this was going.” 

“Oh no you don’t.” Seokjin flips the two of you, his large body covering yours while his teeth nipped down your collarbone. He unhooked your bra, exposing your breasts and not hesitating to palm each of them in his hands. 

Your back arched instinctively at his touch, his tongue licking down your chest and abdomen, finally stopping at your hip bones. His breath fanned over your navel, where his eyes met yours in a silent plead for confirmation. You smiled, leaning on your elbows to watch him as his fingers looped in the hem of your skirt. 

You lifted your hips, feeling him tug the thin fabric down your hips. When your red thong was expose, Seokjin couldn’t help but groan at the sight. He leaned down and spread open mouth kisses on your pelvic bone, then pulling the thong down your legs. 

For a moment, he pauses. His eyes taking in the sight in front of him, he saw your sexed up hair and wild eyes as a sign that he should move quickly, but then he got an idea. 

“You never beat my high score, baby girl.” 

“You heard what I said earlier, fuck the high score. Just, fuck me Jin.” You said, almost whining as you felt his fingers touch everywhere but where you needed him most. 

“No, no. We’re going to take this nice and slow.” He grinned, his finger running up your slit, collecting the wetness that pooled there. You threw your head back, happy at the content but suddenly feeling his fingers slip away as quickly as they touched you. 

You threw open your eyes, blazing by his touch but watching those same fingers being brought up to his mouth. His tongue darted out, sucking on his figures. The earlier timid man had disappeared and was replaced by a sex god. Your eyes were wide, his fingers slipping up your heat once again. 

“Open your mouth.” 

No hesitation at all, your jaw dropped. Seokjin’s fingers entered your mouth, resting the pads of his fingers on the tip of your tongue. You enclosed your lips around his fingers and sucked. A small gasp fell from his mouth, his eyes shining as your tongue licked his fingers. 

Suddenly, his other hand sunk two fingers into your heat. He pumped in and out at an agonizingly slow pace. You moaned loudly, spreading your legs wider while his speed increased. Just as you felt yourself about to tip over the edge, he pulled his fingers out. 

You sucked in a breath of air, watching him lean back and point to his pants. Without a second of hesitation, you lunged forward and unzipped his jeans. Now it was your turn to slow down, slipped his pants off his hips and saw his cock spring free. 

“No boxers?” You questioned, veins pulsing while his cock rested on his abdomen. Seokjin shook his head, watching you carefully while you threw his jeans onto the floor. 

Your lips pressed a kiss to the head, Seokjin’s eyes fluttering shut while you pumped your wrist up and down. “Oh fuck.” He moaned, his voice lowering a few octaves in the sexiest thing you had ever heard in your entire life. You watched his hips flex at your touch, bucking as your lips finally wrapped around his cock. 

“That’s right, baby girl.” He held your hair up, watching carefully and guiding you. You felt tingling in your lower half at his words. He tugged softly on your hair, pulling you up and off him. You gave him a lazy grin, which caused Seokjin’s heart to flutter. 

“On your stomach,” he spoke, out of breath, “ass in the air.” 

You obeyed immediately, your knees towards the edge of the bed. Your back was arched and Seokjin laid a harsh smack to your ass. You groaned at the crack, feeling his hand rub where he smacked immediately to soothe. Felt him line himself up behind you, before stopping. 

“You know, you’re lucky I’m doing this. I wasn’t going to until you beat my score again.” His hand rubbed up your spine, causing chills to follow his touch. 

“Jin I swear to god if you don’t fuck me right now you’ll never be able to.” You turned back to him, watching his face drop into a glare. All too quickly, you felt him sink in. You barely had enough time to adjust before he was pulling out and slamming into you again. 

“As much as I like cock warming, you’re right. You need a good fuck.” He grinned, his teeth biting your shoulders.

Your gasp was loud and repetitive, feeling him pound into you. Your arms became weak and you felt yourself collapse. Seokjin was quick to pull you up, continuing to thrust. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, his moans growing in volume when he felt you tightening around him. 

“You gonna cum for me like the good girl you are?” He said into your ear, breathlessly moaning and encouraging you. 

His hand snaked around your front, rubbing hard on your clit and finally coaxing you through your orgasm. Your whines only edged him closer and he had to pull out before he came. 

“Jin,” You gasped, “I’m on the pill. Cum inside me.” 

Seokjin’s eyes screwed shut, releasing as his hips bucked harshly into you. You collapsed onto the bed, feeling your hair stick to your forehead as you desperately tried to catch your breath. 

He pulled out, collapsing on top of you. He smiled, “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you.” He moved your hair from your face, pressing a small kiss to your cheek, “I like dirty.” 

“Thank god, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you were just vanilla.” You flipped around, looking him in his eyes. 

“Now, just to be clear,” his arms shook as he held himself above you but he didn’t want to leave this proximity just yet, “this isn’t a one time thing, right?” 

“I sure hope not, in fact I could go for round two right now.” You murmured, your hand stroking the back of his head carefully. 

Seokjin pressed a small, gentle kiss to your lips, “Let me recharge for a minute, then round two in the showers.” 

“Deal.” You said, leaning up and kissing him hard. 

For the rest of the night he stayed close to you, his fingers as skilled on you as they are on the arcade machine. That night you fell asleep in his arms, listening to the tiniest snores leave his mouth. 

To say you were whipped for Kim Seokjin would be an understatement. 

[pro-bee]

into your arms i fall

Rating: G

Characters: Ziva David/Tony DiNozzo

Spoilers: None (In my head this is set in an AU-season 10 or season 11 where they let us have nice things, but could take place anytime post-season 4, really.) Totally canon divergent.

Word Count: 1200

Genre: Total unadulterated domestic fluff

Summary: Everything is the same until it isn't anymore.

A/N: Short one-shot inspired by @evanglienlilly  and this post. (Also tagging @coffeedepablo​ because I’m mean.)

Happy new Year everyone! Have fun, stay safe, and hope 2020 brings you peace and love!

Can also be found  here

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She sits cross-legged on the floor, back against the side of the bed, mind racing a mile a minute. She is here, but she is not really here.

Wearing his old OSU sweater like a cocoon, swallowed up whole in its tattered cotton embrace, she fixates on a knot in the hardwood in front of her, mesmerized by the swirls and grateful for a distraction on right now.

“You know, traditionally one sits on the bed, not next to it.”

It takes a second for his voice to register, to bring her out of her daze, until she finally looks up at him and smiles halfheartedly. She’s far too preoccupied to answer him, but his presence is comforting. (Is always comforting.) Instead of giving her a hand to get up, he sits down next her, mirroring her own stance.

“I was wondering where that shirt went. Should’ve known you were hoarding it.”

“Mmm, finders keepers, is that not what you always say?”

It is a good sign that she is engaging with him. Even if it’s half-assed. She’s been on auto-pilot since this morning, a tad quieter than usual to outsiders, but he can tell she’s been circling outer space all day.

Her phone is on the floor in front of her, the numbers on the screen counting down. The pixels forecast the minutes rolling into seconds, hurtling them into oblivion.

They sit in silence for the final stretch, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Finally, the sound of the alarm brings them back down to earth, and they catch each other’s eyes, willing themselves to take action. 

“Well, here goes nothing, right?”

She takes a deep breath. He keeps his eyes trained on her.

“You want me to…?”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll go.” 

She pushes herself up off the floor and heads into the bathroom, while he remains firmly planted on the floor, rapping his fingertips on the rug underneath him in an attempt to pass the time. 

As though he cannot be alone for twenty whole seconds.

He watches from his stoop as she reappears in the doorway, leaning against the jamb, completely entranced. 

“It’s positive.”

She finally looks up from the stick in her hands to meet his gaze.

“I’m pregnant.”

This prompts him get up. (He feels like this is a conversation that definitely needs to happen while standing up.) His face remains stoic. It drives her crazy, because he is always her guiding light and more than anything she needs to understand what to think in this very instant.

“How do you feel about that?”

So much for that. She has to gather herself.

“I… I am… shocked.” She figures honesty is the best policy at this point. If they’re telling each other things, then nothing can matter much more than this. “I can’t believe this happened. I mean, I know how this happened—” he smirks at this, because how this happened involved a birthday party and several bottles of wine and giggling in the dark and fuck it it’s fine just take your pants off already, “but… We have not even talked about this yet. Any of this. This has been great—” she gestures between them, “really, really great— but… A baby? Us? Now? We have not even told anyone we are… whatever it is we are.” She throws her hands up, and ordinarily he’d find it adorable if she weren’t freaking out so much.

“I’m pretty sure they’ve figured it out already. McGee won’t look me in the eye anymore when we’re all together. Probably picturing us naked.”

“Shut up.”

It does the trick.

“How do you feel?” She turns the tables on him. Has to know she isn’t the only one looking for a lifeline.

“I feel…” he pauses for a second, grasping for the best way to handle this, “that this is a big decision. And I will support whatever you want to do.” His words are careful, precise. Enigmatic.

Infuriating.

“Not helpful.”

“It’s the truth, though.”

Panic begins to bubble within her.

“This is not the right time. Our jobs are our lives. We cannot even keep food in our apartments. Neither of us know anything about babies. You still break into a cold sweat when anyone under the age of sixteen comes within half a block of you!”

Normally, he would feign offense, but this is not the time. He stays still in this same spot next to the bed. He’s overwhelmed, he really is, but for the time being his priority is her. This she has to process for herself before he will allow himself to do the same. So he lets her.

“Tony, you and me and a baby, that is crazy.”

She scans the room for a focal point to ground her, but it’s useless. The tears rise in spite of her best efforts.

But.

“But… Tony, we’re having a baby.” 

It is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, but the realization hits her like a freight train. She’s smiling through the tears now, because suddenly nothing has ever been clearer to her. This is absolutely the wrong time, but she’s never been more certain of wanting anything in her entire life. 

Except for when she sees his ear-to-ear grin emerge before her, which casts away any fear she’s had. 

She loves him.

“We’re having a baby,” he replies confidently as he bridges the gap between them. “We are having a baby,” he whispers again, close enough that he can touch her cheek, and he draws her in for a kiss. “Ziva, you sure about this?” 

“I am sure.”

They both laugh, nervously but fully. They kiss some more. And even cry a little for good measure.

(This had to be her choice, of this he had no doubt. But if it were up to him he wouldn’t have changed a thing.)

“Look at me,” he asks as they break away for a second, “all that other stuff, we can figure out along the way. Take us: we made it this far and our parents didn’t know what the hell they were doing.” This elicits another chuckle out of her. “We know the important stuff anyway.”

“Which is what?”

“That I love you and you love me, and everything else will work its way out somehow.”

It is a bold statement. She holds back the tears again, because the whole love thing is still new for them, something that feels like it might be all a dream she doesn’t want to wake up from, but she realizes she can no longer avoid. 

She believes in him, and that is enough for now.

He pulls her in for a hug — one of those bear hugs that makes her feel safe and protected from the world and leaves her wondering how she ever lived without this — and they both let reality set in.

They’re going to be parents.

And this bad timing couldn’t have been any more perfect.

“You know what this means though, right?”

Her eyes go wide in confusion, as though already he is one step ahead of her.

“They’re gonna have to find room for a car seat in the van. McGee can’t call shotgun anymore.”

She laughs, heartily, the absurdity of it all washing over her.

They are a family, and they are going to be fine.

[saltandsilverstories]

The Doors of Stone

Something lays beneath the glossy, blue tarps beside the doors. Patches of anti-snow paint portions of the tarp black, while small rivulets slide to the ground where the build-up grows too heavy. I stick my hand into one of the streams, watching it pile along the side of my glove, spill over the edge of my fingers, and trickle into the gaps between the bones of the skeletal foot peeking out from under the tarp. 

I shake my hand clean, and tug the edge of the tarp over the foot. The Stasis Suit crinkles as I stand up, pressing a small button on my right wrist. 

                                       Please state your command.

“Run external status report,” I tell the Suit. 

                                     Scanning within a 100 kilometre radius. Please standby. 

There is a slight delay. 

                                     External status report is as follows: 

                                     Depth status: 2,000 meters below surface

                                    Temperature: -32°C

                                    Precipitation: 90% chance of light anti-snow

                                    Wind activity: Low

                                    Flora: Undetected 

                                    Fauna: Unknown

My brows crease. “Elaborate on fauna.”

                                   Fauna of an unknown species and/or origin has been detected.  

A sharp bolt of adrenaline shoots from the centre of my chest and out, spreading down until my toes curl within my boots. “Approximate distance to fauna.”

                                  Fauna detected at a distance of approximately 15 kilometers northwest.

I glance at the compass in the upper right corner of my Visor Display, then at the doors.

“Contact surface.”

                                 Contacting Syndicate Technology. Please standby. A representative will be with you shortly.

A quiet jazz tune punctuated by a bossy saxophone fills my helmet speakers. I turn in place, facing the doors.

They are carved from something like ivory or marble, a pale stone with thin, grey veins and specks that glitter in the beam of my helmet lamp. They are polished so smooth that they glisten as if wet. Intricate patterns of swirls and loops cover its length, along with runes composed of straight lines and dots. The anti-snow seems to avoid the doors altogether.

The music cuts out, replaced by the scuffed sounds of someone fumbling with a microphone. “Hi there, Cartographer 4? So sorry for the wait. My name is Wilbur, and I’ll be your Surface Technician for today. What can I do for you?” 

“Uh, yeah, hi.” I put my hands on my hips, turning again so I face the tarp. “I ran the status report, and I’m getting a fauna reading.” 

“Um…” His chair creaks. “Hm. Is it okay if I request to view your Visor footage?”

“Go for it.”

He goes quiet for a bit, typing. “Well, I can see the notification, and I think it’s probably a glitch with the recent software update. I’ve went ahead and set up automated fauna notifications, just to see if the Suit decides to give it to you again later. Erm, while I have you here, let me just grab your consent one last time before I give you the instructions for the doors, okay?” 

“Someone else made me do that before I got in the elevator,” I explain. 

“I know, but it’s Protocol.” He needs to work on his apologetic voice.

I press my lips together, exhaling through my nose. My breath briefly fogs my Visor. “Yeah, fine.”

“As per the terms of your contract, you are tasked with mapping at least five kilometres of the area beyond the doors using the software in your Stasis Suit. Should you complete your task, upon your return to Syndicate Technology, your sentence with Ashby City Penitentiary will be terminated immediately. Should you fail, you will resume your sentence until completion with no chance of parole. Your signature on these documents indicate you have heard these conditions prior to this moment and provided consent to this task. C4, do you wish to proceed?”

I lick my lips. “I do.”

"Okay, great. Now let’s get those doors open.”

----- 

The city beyond the doors is composed of pillars as tall as skyscrapers, reaching up into the cavernous ceiling. Archways link them, some lined with railings. Those must have been bridges. Buildings, most of them two or three storeys high, sprawl out in all directions, connected by a footpath of clean, square stones.

Anti-snow grinds into the traction grooves of my boots. The scenery remains a constant spread of stonework along both sides of the street, portions of it smudged into the distance by anti-snow build up. There are no air currents for the specks to twirl in. The entire city exists in black and white, a photograph for me to walk through. There are no other sounds than the ones coming from my person. The city is a skeleton, and I walk down its spinal column.

I thought the path I had chosen was the central one with how wide it was, but even so, there were portions of it where the anti-snow had accumulated so much that it almost reached my knees. Each of my footsteps were heavy and slow, my legs aching from the effort it took to move.          

My foot catches on something, and I lurch forward, a yell escaping past my lips before I can stop it. 

“You okay there?” Wilbur asks. 

I push myself to my knees. The oxygen tank on my back makes it difficult to find my balance. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tripped on something.” I feel around under the anti-snow, my gloves gliding along the stones. The object is round and bigger than both of my hands. I pull it free, stumbling a bit. 

A helmet. Syndicate Technology’s logo had been mostly scratched off, and the Visor was missing. I turn it in my hands, dumping out the anti-snow it had scooped up during its unearthing.

I gulp, my stomach knotting itself together with the end of my throat. 

“Why— What is this doing here?” I ask Wilbur. 

He’s quiet for a few seconds. “Just leave it beside the bench over there, on your left, and keep going. You’ve got three kilometres left.” 

I don’t say anything, turning the helmet around some more.

“C4.” 

I stare at the C2 printed on the top of the helmet, the C almost completely gone.

              Approximate distance to fauna: 13 kilometers northwest.

The anti-snow sounds like a paintbrush on canvas as it trickles down my own helmet.

“I want out.”

“Dude, come on--”

“No, fuck this.” I lower the helmet, holding it at my side by its brim. “I’m not staying in this stupid cave if I’m not gonna make it out of here.”

“You’re gonna be just fine, I promise,” he continues.

“What happened to C2, then? Why’s his helmet here?”

He makes an exaggerated sigh. “I’m not at liberty to say.”

I lick my lips, smacking the helmet against my thigh. “I knew him. His name was Lewis.”

Wilbur doesn’t have any response.

“You know his wife still shows up on visitation day? Like she doesn’t know where he is? But none of us have seen him since December.”

Wilbur’s breath enters his mic before his words. “I’m sorry, but if you back out now, you don’t get another shot at this. You can’t sign up again, and you can’t pick up where you left off. This is a one time deal.” He pauses. “It’s up to you.”

I groan, turning around and looking back down the way I’d come in before turning again and looking up the path I’d yet to explore. 

“What do I do with it?”

“Just leave it there. You’re not supposed to bring anything back,” he instructs.

“But it’s from the surface.”

“Doesn’t matter.” The patience is dwindling from Wilbur’s voice, his tone as flat as the colour palette of the city.

I stare down at Lewis’ helmet, at the gap his eyes would’ve seen though, the way mine were now. “Fine.” I dropkick the helmet down the street. It clatters against the side of a building before making a faint crunch as it lands in an anti-snowbank.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Wilbur says, quiet.

“Fuck you.”

I keep walking.

-----

Wilbur spits out instructions as if he actually believes I’d follow them. Stick to the main pathways, don’t squeeze between buildings, don’t knock over language tablets, stop sitting, don’t cover the VisorCam.

“You’re not supposed to go into the buildings,” he told me, his voice existing somewhere within his nostrils. “We don’t know how structurally sound they are.”

“Well,” I clear the anti-snow off the stairs leading up the nearest building with my boot, “let’s find out.” 

“This is a dumb idea.”

“You’re a dumb idea.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

As I step into the doorway, the building shakes, the ground buzzing with a heavy vibration. A thick, low tone comes from everywhere. It is a sound so heavy it settles atop my shoulders, making my knees quake. I hold onto the door frame, gripping it with both hands, trying to stay standing. My teeth clench, and a few pixels in my Visor Display short out, flashing neon green or blacking out entirely. The anti-snow outside bounces in a zig-zag pattern, moving slightly upwards before shooting down.

After a few moments, it stops. I leaned on the door frame, panting. The pressure of the sound made me forget to breathe. 

“What are you doing?” Wilbur asks.

I scowl. “Did you not see any of that just now?”

“Any of what? You wasting time?”

“No, dickhead, there was some earthquake or something, and there was this sound…” I search my head for the right way to convey aloud what that sound felt like.

“It was probably just the software again,” he states. He’s not listening to anything I’m saying.

“It was out here, in the city, not in the Suit,” I insist, shaking my head.

“No, don’t, don’t do that,” he chides, “it makes me dizzy.” He clears his throat. “Maybe it was a windstorm revving up,” he continues. “You’d better hurry up and get this done quick then.”

“No, it wasn’t the wi--”

              Approximate distance to fauna: 12 kilometers northwest.

My heartbeat occupies the silence that followed the notification, slapping against the inside of my ears.

“Head southwest from here,” Wilbur says.

I clench and unclench my hands into fists a few times to stop them from trembling.

I take a deep breath. “Okay.” I step back outside.

-----

I walk for another half an hour at least, along the same twisting road. The farther I go, the more dense the debris becomes. The state of preservation decays until I am climbing over chunks of roof four times my size, and shoving myself under sections of pillar that had fallen from the sky bridges above the city.

I stop in the centre of a side-street. A boulder fills the entirety of the way, with nowhere to go but over. I grab onto a protrusion, hauling myself on top. A grunt escapes my chest in a puff of breath that fogs my visor from the inside. My boots dislodge anti-snow and gravel as I try to keep myself from wobbling. I’m much higher off the ground than expected. 

“Holy shit.” I don’t mean to say it out loud, but I do.

The street is a collection of shards and fragments. The buildings are reduced to framework, the stones of the path dug up and strewn about, tossed like dice. Along the one wall that remains intact, a gash bisects it, a deep wound in the flesh of a former housing unit. Or maybe it had been a storefront. It is an impact site, with cracks webbing above and below the scar. 

“What?” Wilbur smacks his lips.

“Are you eating?” I turn my head as I ask, as if he’d be standing beside me on the boulder. 

A crunch. “It’s noon, and I already took my break.”

“You couldn’t have eaten then?”

“Wasn’t hungry then. So what happened?”

“You seeing this?” I ask. 

“What?” 

“This.” I turn in a circle, slowly, letting the camera do its work. “The street.”

“Oh, yeah.” Is he licking his fingers? “Mmhmm,” he pauses, swallowing, “It was probably the windstorms.”

“There’s no way.”

“Could be, though. Can’t rule it out. We can’t really get a read on anything.” Another crunch, and his breath shoves itself into his mic. “The storms fuck with the equipment.”

                           Attention: Distance goal met. Please return to the antechamber and wait for further instructions.

“You heard her, time to head back,” Wilbur says between chews.

“Do you have to be eating right now?” I ask. 

“No, but I’m hungry.” 

“It’s annoying as fuck.”

“So are you, now get moving.”

“Fine, Jesus.” I hop down from the boulder and start walking back the way I’d come, following the map I’d made with the Stasis Suit’s software.

           Approximate distance to fauna: 9 kilometres north.

“Maybe walk faster,” Wilbur urges, swallowing whatever he’s eating.

“Right.” I start jogging.

I get about a kilometre away before another notification follows.

           Approximate distance to fauna: 7 kilometres north.

He takes a sharp breath. “Run.” 

“What?” My heart seizes.

“Run, right now.”

My boots skid on the anti-snow every now and then, and then I notice it.

“Uh, Wilbur,” I say, slowing down to make sure I’m seeing it correctly.

“Yeah? Wh— why are you stopping? I said run.”

“The anti-snow’s moving up.” I tilt my head back, peering up at the void that the city calls its sky.

“Fuck.” He kisses his teeth. “You’re about a kilometre from the antechamber… shit, uh, you see that building on your left?”

I turn my head. A section of its roof is missing, and its doorway lacks its door. “Yeah?”

“Get inside and brace. Quickly now, you don’t have much time.”

“Wh--”

“Don’t ask questions, just do it.”

I do as he says, sitting on the floor with my back to the only wall without cracks, tucking my head into my knees, wrapping my arms around my body. 

“What’s happening?” I ask, my voice muffled from my face being so close to the Visor glass. 

“You’re gonna be o--”

His voice is replaced by the tone from earlier. It comes from above and below, the entire city shaking from its vibrations. I shut my eyes, curling into a fetal position. In the distance, something crashes. Maybe a wall fell apart, or a pillar came loose.

The building I’m in lurches, the stones rumbling like a waterfall. The roof roars, and I can tell the portion of it that remained was no longer attached to the building. I slide along the floor, my eyes still closed. Something lands on my left leg, crushing it. I scream, grabbing onto my helmet. 

The tone stops, and the vibration vanishes. 

I lay on my back, staring up at the gap where the ceiling used to be, tears sliding up my temples and into my hair. Anti-snow lands on my Visor, obscuring my vision. I shudder, my teeth clenched as the pain from my leg worsens. I lift my head for a second, quickly wiping off the anti-snow, and see the massive block of roof that lays on top of my leg.

“Oh, fu-hu-huck,” I say, unable to hold myself up any longer. 

“C4, come in.” Wilbur’s voice is grainy. “C4, what’s your status?”

I cough, the sudden movement sending stabs of pain up from my leg. “I’m here, status… fuck, I don’t know.” I groan, wanting to roll on my side, to move so that my leg hurt less, but I was stuck. “My leg…” The pressure of the block seemed to increase, and I screamed again.

“I know, I saw the stone.” The Stasis Suit’s voice has more variation than his. “Just stay still, okay? That was a windstorm just now.”

The pressure worsens even further, and I can’t take it anymore. With another shout, I yank myself as hard as I can away from the brick. I move a few inches, and something by my calf tears. 

Warning! Rapid Depressurization! Warning! Loss of Oxygen Imminent!

“I just told you not to move!” There’s no more understanding in his words.

I cough again, my eyes feeling heavy. “It hurt so bad, man, you don’t understand.”

“Yeah, well now it’s gonna hurt even more.” He mutters something too quiet to be heard over the alarms. “You need to cover the hole in the Suit with something. Just push yourself back under the block.”

Nausea began to climb up my throat. “No way, I can’t do that.”

“It’s either that or have your organs liquefy from breathing in the anti-snow.” He lets his statement hang between us. “Your choice.”

I prop myself up onto my elbows, staring at the huge chunk of stone. My breathing is erratic, and I lick my lips. “Fuck.” I yell as I force myself forwards again, my leg feeling like it was being run over by a jet.

I take a few seconds to try and bring some sort of rhythm back into my breathing. The alarms quiet down. Wilbur types away at his end. 

“Shit,” he says, typing more.

“What?”

He exhales sharply. “I think the collapse messed with the transmitter on your Suit. I can’t see your tracking data, and the save file is corrupted on my end. Let me reset the connection and see if it does anything.”

My beam from my headlamp begins to flicker. 

                    Approximate distance to fauna: 6 kilometres north.

“Did you get that?” I ask.

“What?”

“The fauna notif.”

He grunts. “No.” He grumbles something. “I need to get my supervisor. Maybe the Commander…” 

I clench and unclench my hands, my palms sticking to the inside of my gloves. “Why? What’s happening?”

“I’m gonna be right back. I need… Ah, shit, shit, shit.” He hits a bunch of keys.

“Wh-- You’re just gonna leave me here?” He can’t be serious.

“Just for a second. I’m not disconnecting, okay? I’m gonna initiate Rescue Protocol before I go.”

“You can’t.” You cannot leave me by myself.

“I’m just taking off my headset. I gotta go to the Commander’s office. Don’t worry. It’s gonna be fine. You’ll be fine. I’ll be back in a flash.” 

“Wait--”

                                     RESCUE PROTOCOL INITIATED

The words flash a few times before bannering at the bottom of the Visor.

Stay calm. Help is on the way. Syndicate Technology — The Future Is Here

“Wilbur?”

No answer. The asshole actually left.

My breath presses against the Visor glass like a greasy fingerprint, obscuring my view of the gaping hole above me. Anti-snow continues to fall, blacking out my line of sight. I can’t reach my arm high enough to wipe the centre of the Visor. A thin crack branches out from the bottom right of the glass.

“Fucking hell,” I say, hoping Wilbur might hear me. 

My body aches, my leg on fire. Something wet trickles down from my forehead, between my brows, and into the corner of my eye. It’s warm, and stings when it meets my tear duct. I blink quickly, trying to clear my eye, but it just stings more. Fresh tears are pulled from my eyes, and my vision goes blurry until they dry again.

In the distance, something explodes, or maybe it implodes, whatever it was. It creates a boom, an impact so intense it sends a strong wind gusting through the city, whistling through the cracks in the building, and blowing the anti-snow off my visor.

                  Approximate distance to fauna: 5 kilometres north.

A sound comes from everywhere. The vibration drills up through from below, lodging itself in my chest. The tone is so heavy it adheres to my skin through my suit, and sucks the air from my lungs. I strain against the weight of the sound. It fuses me in place, my limbs tense and unresponsive.  My jaw locks, my teeth clench.

I slam my arm against the ground, hoping to press the button on my wrist, but I miss, and end up crying out from the impact.

I can’t just lay in place, waiting for whatever that was to get here.

I take one deep breath, as deep as I can manage through the weight of the tone and the intensity of the vibration, and rip my leg out from under the roof chunk.

The Suit alarms resume, and I don’t have time to be bothered by them. I roll onto my stomach, grabbing my wrist and the command button. I press it rapidly, but the Suit doesn’t respond.

“Hello? Wilbur?”

No answer.

                                    Warning! Oxygen Level at 90%

                    Approximate distance to fauna: 4 kiloḿȩ̰͖t̸̼̣̤̲͍͙e̞̠͢r̛̬͓̼̬̲s̛͈̗̹̩̟ͅ ͈͍̠̞͕n̠̳̟̫o͈r̥̩͕̱̯̦ͅt̞̭̯̞͎h

Shit.

The notification is garbled, obscured by green and magenta pixels blinking in and out. Static comes through my earpiece, screeching. I press the command button again, but the noise continues. A rumbling continues, somewhere above me, or deep below. Gravel and dust clatter off my helmet as it trickles down from above. The anti-snow churns, moving unaffected by gravity.

I drag myself out of the building by my forearms, tumbling down the stairs once I cross the doorway. I land on my stomach, the impact of my helmet against the stones adding another crack to the existing break pattern. I continue to pull myself along the ground, dredging up anti-snow as I move.

My breaths scrape down my throat, the air a cocktail of anti-snow and dust. I start coughing, and red droplets splatter against the inside of my visor, dripping between the cracks in the glass. 

                                     W͙a̟r͍ń̥̝͉̼̬į̦̠̮͔͈ͅn̳̻̙g͉̙̗!͙̲͔̠̖̩ ͏̭̞͓̳̱O̕x͓͚y̟͖̫g̳e͝n͈͈̪̘̪̕ ̠͈̬̞̪̼̱Ḻ̪̼̰̮̲͞e̯̦̝v̟e̷̝̙͈̫͓̭l̫̜͙̞̗͔ ̱̞͝a҉̦͍̰̳ț͉͜ ̗̱͇̟͇̺5̵̼̮͖̫̭0̸̬͙%͚̺͟

                  A̩̭̣p̀p̳̩̬̀ṛ̷̬̗̬̩o̤̤̗̻̱x̧̗i҉͇̻m̻a͓͈̯͍̼t̰͈̣̺͇̩̥͡e̦͉̗̟ ̲͓̞di̭̦͙̬s̢̺̞͇͙ta̶͎͎͈͎̦n̘̫͎̗̥̖͘c͚͈̪͓̪e̼̼̪͈̭̖͚ ̪̠͎͎̖͔̭t̻͈̣͢o͙̗̲̫͓̩̕ ̼̖̗̬̩f̶̟ͅa͍u̮͚̹͔̬͝n̤̜͖͈a̯̤͉͕:̴̖̮̟͇ ̧̯3̡̫̝͕̬ ̹͠k̳͖͔̤͙i̝̰͎̞͓l̜͘o͎m̦̠e͕̖͚̠̳t͚r̛̲̩̠̳e̢̩̪̣͎͚s̴̩͚̗̞̫ n̴̰͖̬͙o̢͈͓̖r̶̳͔͚tẖ̫̟͖

The notifications stack on top of each other as the centre of my visor display. My suit hisses as it leaks oxygen from the opening on my leg, and another by my elbow, the gas forming a fog around where I lay.  My arms give out from under me, my visor cracking against the stones as I submit to the pressure. The screen is laced with shatter webs, sections of it completely dead. The static in my earpiece shorts out, a piercing, high pitched noise replacing it every now and again. The suits speakers blare warped chimes and bells, the sounds overlapping. 

                   A͈̲pp̠͉̪̞r͜o͚̙̳͚̹͙̬x̤̦̰̤̼̟͟ͅi͓̠̦̬̮̗̫m̶̻̝̪̱a̫͇̳̫̟t̖̜e̠͖͓̥ ̭̖̤͓ḑ̜͉͎̩i̱͇st͝a̸̤̱̭nͅc̷̫̰͙e̞̹̲ ̩͕͎̯t̨ó̳͉̙̥̮̦ ̢͍̬̘̰͔f̗̬̻͕͚̝́a͟ṵ̡̭̤͓̬͕͖n̠̯͚͈̰͍̯ą̜͖̱̝̦:͉̙͚̜ ̴̹̥͚2̜̣͠ k̙̹̪̤̭̺̼i̲̺͙l͙̤̺o̫m͏̲e̹͇͔͙t̼̱̪re̯̥s̮͔̻̳ͅ ̩͙͇̳͝n͓͢o̺̫͉̠͓͝r̝͈̪̺̜͉̣͡t͖͉͍͖̣̠h

My gloves search for grooves between the path stones, something to latch onto. Each time I find one, I wedge my fingers in the space, hauling myself forward along the ground. The vibration sits on my back, pressing me into the path, trying to merge me with the earth.

The Rescue Protocol banner pixelates and warps, the letters rearranging themselves.

                     Ş̠̤̮T̢̲̟̳̙̘̟A̡͇̩̥Y̺̬ ̳̕WI̼TH̥̣̥̠̝̺̘ ̧͙̰͈̭Ṳ͟S̘̬͓̤̠ ̖̹̀S̨̭̗̺͖̼TA̩̟̰̹̜̜Y͕̻̰͔̙̤͝ ̮͕̫̞ͅW̘̼͈̳̙͕͍I͖̱̮̘̫̘͢T̩̩̹H͚̯̙̞́ ͖͍̩UŚ̺̫̜̱̣̖̗ ̞̠̙͜S̩͈̭̮T̰͍͇̲Ạ̡̯̫̞̬͉Ỵ͢ ̸̯̲̘͖͖̝W̠͇̳͝IṰ̜̝͙̥̬H̦̦͓̹̣̙̟͝ ̕U̢S̴̤͕̤̲̩̼͈

                               W̳̪̙͙̝̰͝á͍̫͙̤͉̳r̷̘͍̺̠͙̱̪n̗̬̳̪i͍̕n͖͔̼g͕͕!̴͎ ̛͔͖͖̩̟O҉͖͔̪̪̗̯x̯͔͙̼̟͎ͅy͏̰̱̝͓̖̮g̙̦̳̖̻e̴n̦͍͕̩̰͖ ̟̮̣̖͉͇̯Lͅe̙̱͙̠̼͉̮v̼e͚̻̹̘̲̥ļ̣ ͏̭̙̰̰̞͎a̷̫̮t̗͖̖̮̤͖̼ ͍͚͖4̴̗̟͉ͅ0͓̘͍̥̲ͅ%͇͇͖̺͇

The light from the antechamber leaks just up ahead. I’m so close. 

                  À͉̲̳͙͈̺̤p҉̲̣p҉̖̙̗͕̥ṟ͓̭͙̗o̗͚x̷͍̮͓̹i̧̱͙͙̳͔m͎͚̣͞a̘͚̼̤̳̣ͅt͕̻̦̥͈̖ͅe̗̲͉̜͉͢ ͏̰̭d̟̞̖̪͚͍̟̀i̪̟͖͖̥s͖̻͙t̴͓̜͕a̲̯̹̺nc̤̬̪͙e̢ t͈̖̜̗̘́ơ̤̝̝̲͉͓̙ ͉̮̗̬̦̝f̨͎̲͚̘̹̜̫a̫̦̦ṷ̣̯͔̮n͕̬͍̠͖̙a̴̱͉̪̯:͈̗̝̟̟͙ ̧̺5͙̗̭͍̦͈̤0̞̬̟̲0͡ ̯̞͉̠͈̯m̤̻̻e̘̪͙̘͟ͅt͓͓͚̺̘͈̦̕r̫̖͓̗̖̱e̛̘̣̖̱̞ş̣ ̼̻̗̪͖͕n̪̟̞̕ơ̯͇̱̟r̢͍̻̰̳̬ţ̫͇̱̠͇͍h̨̞͉

My display dies, and the audio system black out. The sound embeds itself in my bones, splitting into my cells. It invades my composition, tearing me apart, rippling across my skin, and forcing itself from me in screams that don’t make it to my ears. It is within me, reshaping me, compressing and expanding my form all at once.

My gloved fingers reach out somewhere ahead, trying to pull myself into the light that exists where I can no longer see.

Black smoke billows around me, engulfing everything in shadow. It seeps into the opening in my suit. I cough as it enters my lungs, gagging on the flavour of dry soil and pennies.

                 Ạ̤p̠͍p͙̭̦̦̳̖̀r̦͖͉̻͚ox̷̞̣̯͔̙̮̲i̢̞̠̟̱m̪̰̣͉̝̭͉a̛͚t̵̬̟̬̬̤e͜ ̲̯̭͖d͎̥̮͈̙̤i̭̬̳̖̦ͅͅs̸t̬͇̘̖̯̣̺anc̢̮e̳̫ ̮̜͈͙̗̳ţ̙̦̜o ̜̟͠f͏͉͈̝ͅa̯̗̬͓̩͡u͉̰̞̫̦̜̳͟n͜a̴̪͍̤ͅ:̛̥̜̺ ̭̟̙̮w̛̠͈e̙̜͚̼̮̝͙͡ ̤̫̮͔̠́a̯͓͓̘̼͞ͅṛ̶͖̜e̱̯ ͎͖̦͙̪͘he̵̻͉r͚̦̝̤̬̩̞e̢̮̳̩̫ ̪͓̖n̜͈͈̻̖̬̯͝ǫ̯̰̮̝͉͚w

The tone of the vibration shifts even lower, the sound no longer audible. Tightness coils around my ankle, and pulls me deeper into its expanse. My fingers tingle through the gloves as the ground speeds by underneath.

The world disappears. We become one.

[thechocoboexpress-blog]

The Trash Man’s Mystery Height (Aka: The Height Ref) ((AKA Aka: Too Much Time On My Hands))

TAGS BECAUSE I’M PROUD AND WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THIS: @wrathwritesthings @themissimmortal @hypaalicious @louisvuittontrashbags

SO, this question has always bugged me? Is Ardyn tall or short? Or a nice inbetween? Now in actuality it’s never been a doubt in my mind that Ardyn is at least six feet, but that still begs the question, how many inches do I need to shave off or add? Welp, let’s take a look, shall we?

(HERE GOES MY ATTEMPT AT BEING DEDUCTIVE.)

I would like to introduce you to height template number one of this little journey, this is the official heights of all four main men in FFXV, down to the Centimeters, I also added a pixel wide bar to show from Prompto to Gladio just how much shorter Prom is than Gladdy, which frankly surprised me, I honestly expected there to be a bigger height difference than that, what with how much of a behemoth Gladio is, and yet Prom comes up to just below Gladios jawline.

Now that you have some perspective on how short (or not short) our sweet muffin turns out to be, lets take a look at some screenshots I got while meticulously searching through letsplays and speedruns of the game, starting with: Episode Prompto.

Soooooo.... correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s a big fucking height gap right there, isn’t it?

Here, lets’s take a little measurement:

Return of the angry red measurement line: The tip of Proms beanie manages to reach the weird frilly bit on his seven billion layers of clothing. Things to take into consideration: Prom is leaning forward, Ardyn is mid movement, Ardyn has his head tilted down to look condescendingly at Prompto. In general it’s a good gist of their respective heights but there are things to consider before making it the Magnum Opus on his height.

Blue is where the tip of the beanie starts, red is where I think I can’t stress enough I only THINK his head would start, give or take a few pixels in width, Ardyn is tilted to the side and in this image the red bar is below his jawline, they aren’t moving as much but they also aren’t facing each other, something to (again) take into account.

Now for the great pain: We all know that Prom is the shortest, so what’s above is almost moot in finding out specifically how tall this guy is, therefore I’ll move to the next extreme, the tallest guy we know. Gladio.

Fair warning; some of these pics are very blurry because I was going through and finding individual frames that I thought looked best for this. Almost all of these are at weird angles and just in general kinda bad.

Lets start with this one here, in Galdin Quay:

Gladio is VERY close to the camera (for example, Prompto’s (who is next to him in this scene) head alone takes up the entire screen for a moment), and yet Ardyn still manages to keep up height next to him, but this is a bad angle and can make everyone look way taller or shorter than they really are, lets move on:

This is the next frame after Ardyn walks past them, it’s the closest I could get Ardyn next to Gladio and the guys, and as I said before: He holds his height against Gladio. And an argument could be made But he’s wearing large boots! Yes, I’ll give you that, but I counter with this: Gladio, the man who frequently gets into battles, who loves to go camping and hiking, prooooooobably isn’t wearing flip-flops, so the height difference there is so slight it’s pointless.

Let’s move on: The Lestallum Scene!

Here’s the only good frame I could get of Cutscene!Ardyn next to Gladio, and personally: I think it says a lot: They’re pretty close to each other, Gladio’s posture is mostly straight whereas Ardyn is bent in a funky way toward Prom and Noct (who look about as big as children here) and yet... He’s still pretty damn tall next to Gladio. Once again boots/shoes are not going to be playing a part in this and a thick trench coat and hood is not gonna make him gain inches in height, or any height at all, really. 

So for the next and final big gripe: Cutscene models and live models’ heights have a tendency to differ WILDLY in this game, making incredibly tall people seem short and incredibly short people seem tall, I personally think that Cutscene body types should be regarded as the “real” character sizes, but for the sake of thoroughness, I got some while they’re walking around too:

This photo is meh, it catches a general feel for their height and it’s pretty amusing. This is Ardyn, he covers his face with his own name and doesn’t like standing. But yeah, he’s mid step and still about as tall as Gladio who hasn’t moved yet.

NEXT. The Big Kicker:

It’s blurry, but they’re right next to eachother. Ardyn is moving just slightly and is the exact same- if not taller- height than Gladio, he’s not a short dude.

And so, for my final height model, I present this:

The general height I think Ardyn is: one or two cm taller than Gladdy.

So how tall should I say he is???: I don’t know exactly. These are all eyeballing guesses at his height, he really could be a lot shorter than Gladio, or he could be a seven foot tall man-giant. It’s all up to you and your own preference, if big Daddy Gladdy is still the reigning Height King, then go Gladdy! If you think that Ardyn as become The Usurper of more than one throne, then daaaaamn congrats Ardyn you’re a big dude!

IN CONCLUSION: I hope this helps people trying to understand the stature of their beloved characters and trash man. Cya guys later! -Jo

((EDIT: Fucking tunglr posted this before I finished it so NOW it’s done.))

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #217

“Masky and Ring Leader, Hyrule Crawling, Candy Seed, Mada”

-Next Morning-

[Ring Leader] Wakes up and stretches before looking around.  She's very confused as to where she is as she stands up.  She spots a staircase and approaches only to jump back with a loud yelp as something comes flying at her and disappears-

[Steve] Has wandered up to get some fruit and a bit of coffee for his mate. - Hello?

[Ring Leader] - Hello?  Where are you?

[Steve] At the top of the stairs. By the polar bear pen.

[Ring Leader] Hesitantly darts up the stairs and almost runs into Steve-

[Steve] Reaches out instinictivly to catch her-Hey! Be careful!

[Ring Leader] - Ah!  Sorry!  And you are?

[Steve] I'm Steve. Deerheart said your name is Ring Leader?

[Ring Leader] - Oh yes!  I'm Splender's proxy!

[Steve] So are you like a secretary or something?

[Ring Leader] - Kinda?  I help Splendy with his job by bringing him saddened children or cheering them up myself

[Steve] Oh! Then you should visit the nearby village while you're here. It's full of kids. Some of them you might.... kinda already know... actually..

[Ring Leader] - Oh, really?

[Steve] Yeah, Doc rescued them from Lj's circus. But they're all alive again. Mostly.

[Ring Leader] - Oh, Splendy never let me go there

[Steve] It was pretty sad. Doc had that stare afterwards.

[Ring Leader] - I'm sorry to hear that- Her stomach then growls- Oops, hehe

[Steve] Are you hungry too? I was just going to the kitchen.

[Ring Leader] - Yeah, I guess I am

[Ring Leader] - Oh, but we should probably grab Masky as well

[Steve] Shivers a little - Masky? Is that the one that.... belongs to Slender...?

[Ring Leader] - Yup!

[Steve] Oh-okay- nervous- He's in the room on the next floor up, but you have to go through the kitchen and back around.

[Ring Leader] - Okay, lead the way!

[Steve] Swallows nervously and leads her back up into the vine room-

-There's a bit of a sour smell coming from the room Masky's in-

[Steve] Sniffs- What-what is that?

[Ring Leader] - Oh, Masky smokes so that's probably his cigarettes

[Steve] It smells terrible!

[Ring Leader] - Yeah, Splendy won't let him do it if he's around

[Steve] You go down and get him, that's too foul for me. And let him know not to do that in the house. If it's annoying my nose, Doc will go ballistic. TLOT too, brines have really sensitive noses.

[Ring Leader] - Okay!- She skips on down the stairs

[TLOT] Got tired of waiting for Steve and came upstairs - What the fuck?! Is the carpet on fire?!

-After a few moments Ring Leader returns with Masky-

[Steve] Points to Masky- He did it!

[Masky] - What!?

[TLOT] That horrible smell! It stinks like burning zombie guts!

[Masky] - You mean my cigarettes?

[TLOT] I don't know what that is! But don't do it again!

[Masky] Pulls the carton out of his pocket and smacks one out- These

[TLOT] Has visible nostrils for a moment and steps back - At least put it in your inventory!

[Masky] - Inventory?

[TLOT] Retreats to the other side of the room-

[Steve] Snatches the small packet and tosses it back so it bounces into Masky's inventory

[Masky] - WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?

[Steve] I put your stinky thing away.

[Masky] Looks like he's about to punch Steve-

[Ring Leader] - Masky please, calm down, you'll have another attack

[TLOT] He's still got it.

[Steve] Attack?

[Ring Leader] - All proxies suffer from various stages of Slender sickness, Masky and Anne are probably the two worst off

[TLOT] what kind of symptoms?

[Ring  Leader] - Dizzyness, coughing fits, coughing up blood, nose bleeds, gaps in memory

[TLOT] That's pretty awful. Is it from the EMP Slender gives off?

[Ring Leader] - Yeah, I have a very mild version, once in a blue moon I'll get a bloody nose

[TLOT] Do you need a potion? You'd feel better for a little while at least.

[Ring Leader] - Oh no, I'm fine, and Masky has his pills

[Steve] Stomach growls- Oof...

[Ring Leader] - Oh right!  Food!

[TLOT] Sounds good to me...

[Steve] Is edging towards the kitchen while keeping an eye on Masky

[Masky] - I'll be alright, go ahead without me Ring Leader

[TLOT] Touches Masky's mind ever so gently to look at his display and check his health-

-His hearts look sickly but there are a few more than there should be-

[TLOT] Brows furrow- If you're sure....

[Masky] - Positive- He heads back towards his room

[Steve] Is already in the kitchen and bustling around-

[TLOT] Turns to Ring Leader- you coming?

[Ring Leader] - Oh absolutely!

[TLOT] Smiles as he sees Steve, who already looks happier

[Steve] Is expertly flipping pancakes dotted with little white pixels-

[Ring Leader] - Oh goody!  Pancakes!

[TLOT] Raiding Doc's vines again?

[Steve] Maybe....

[TLOT] I'll make the coffee. - Starts getting out the stand and bottles like he's setting up a chemistry set.

[Ring Leader] - OOh!  That looks fun

[TLOT] Just a bit of coffee. My beans take several different steps to get to something that tastes correct. They double as a third level potion once they're done.

[Ring Leader] - Cool!

[HG] -comes down the stairs there is a butter fly on his head-

[TLOT] Hg! Haven't seen you in a bit. Hows it going?

[Ring Leader] - Hello!

[Steve] Preps a plate of pancakes and slides it to her and starts stacking another for Hg-

[Ring Leader] - What berries are these?

[HG] -nervous because he hasn't seen ring leader before- hello. I have been good I have a house now.

[TLOT] They're lightning berries, they kinda fizz and pop a bit. It's okay though, they taste too good for anyone to mind.

[Steve] Ring Leader? This is Herobrine the Gardener.

[Ring Leader] Tries some- It's like pop rocks! Oh, yes?

[TLOT] Pop rocks? Like popped chorus fruit?

[Ring Leader] Taps her cane on the ground, a handful of pop rocks popping out and falling into her hands- Here, try some

[TLOT] Puts few in his hand and slurps up some with his forked tongue, there's a faint sound and his eyes go wide- They make noise?! I think the berries are a bit less aggressive. And softer.

[Ring Leader] Giggles and offers some to the other two- It's a pleasure to meet you HG!

[TLOT] Passes around the coffee bottles -

[Steve] puts a fork on Hg's plate- Here, you try some HG. Have breakfast with us.

[HG] -take the pop rocks and tries some he tenses at the feeling-

[Steve] Tries the pop rocks- That's so weird! The taste like, cheeries? But not?

[Ring Leader] - Most kids love them!

[TLOT] Hmm, what's in them?

[Ring Leader] - Sugar

[TLOT] Actually Doc's baby Yaunfen would probably go nuts for them. They live off sugar, literally

[HG] -after the feeling of the pop rocks go down he sits down and tries some of the pancakes-

[Ring Leader] - Really?  That's so cool!

[TLOT] They came from a modded seed, the plants bear candy and ice cream instead of flowers and fruit. Even the dirt blocks are made of cake

[Ring Leader] - I wanna go!

[Steve] Snaps a flower off the lemon tree and brings it over for Hg's flitter - For your little buddy Hg.

[TLOT] Ask Doc when they get up, I'm sure they can find it easily. That's a pretty low-stress errand.

[Ring Leader] - Okay!

[HG] -puts the flower on his head and flitter flies and lands back on the lemon flower-

[Ring Leader] Quickly finishes her food- Delicious!

[TLOT] - is making bacon-  I wonder if doing this will summon.... THEM?

[Steve] Oh! You!

[Ring Leader] - Who?

[Steve] He's being naughty.

[TLOT] Chuckles- Cp's wife Lie Looooves bacon-

[Ring Leader] - CP?

[HG] cp is mean

[TLOT] Tall Herobrine? Red hair, v-neck shirt? Sometimes a cat?

[Ring Leader] - Oh!  Herobrine!

[TLOT] Well there's lots of Herobrines,  even though we're a decently rare spawn, but Doc has a knack for bringing us together. Your brine is our creepypasta Herobrine. So, Cp.

[Ring Leader] - Oh, okay...

[TLOT] The Testificates on my seed considered me a cautionary story, a legend of sorts, and gave me a title. I'm known as Herobrine The Lord of Tears. So TLOT. Just as Hg is Herobrine the Gardener. There's also Herobrine the Nether Keeper and Herobrine the Griefer King, and even a Kittybrine.

[Ring Leader] - That's so cool!

[Steve] It would be super confusing otherwise. We also have plenty of Steves and Alexes with different variations and spellings of their names.

[Ring Leader] - I wonder how much longer Splendy will be...

[TLOT] If you're just looking to kill time, go ask Doc about the candy seed. I bet they're up by now. Anyone want some bacon?

[Ring Leader] - I'll take some bacon first!

[HG] what is bacon and do you have the seeds to grow? I want to grow as many things as possible

[TLOT] Makes a big fan of some strips and splits it with her and Hg- It's pig meat, Hg. But if you can make a bacon tree, you'll be the most popular brine on the seed.

[Ring Leader] Happily munches away-

[TLOT] Chomps a strip Steve is holding out for him and gives him a sultry look-

[HG] I never ate a pig before I have never been good with a sword or had the guts to hit a pig with one they have such cute little faces

[TLOT] Ah. I understand, but you have to go with your metabolisim sometimes. I need meat. Sometimes raw. I feel sick otherwise.

[HG] I have been doing good eating plant I like making cake sometimes if I can get the suplise

[TLOT] You and Doc both. They really like carrots.

[Steve] Didn't we have a carrot cake recipie?

[TLOT] Maybe?

[HG] I have a lot of carrots now they are growing very big

[Steve] Considering that stuff you water everything with I can imagine.

[Ring Leader] - I think I'll go see if I can't find Doc now

[Doc] -Is tending to hir pokemon in Deerheart's study-

[Ring Leader] - Um...  Where should I start looking?

[HG] -gets up and waters the lemon tree to let it become a full crop again-

[TLOT] Their room is on the right at the top of the stairs - points- Just call down softly. Deerheart tends to wake up first but stay in bed. Don't be shocked if she's naked, that's normal.

[Ring Leader] - Okay!- She skips up the stairs and stops at the top of the ones which lead to Doc's room- Doc?

[Deer] - Come on down!

[Ring Leader] Goes down the stairs- Hi!  I'm looking for Doc!

[Deer] - Down those stairs right over there

[Ring Leader] - Thanks!  SHe heads down the stairs- Doc?

[Doc] Down here! - Xe's feeding hir pokemon

[Yaunfen] Watching from atop Deerheart's desk while sucking happily on a blue gem-

[Exeggutor] Makes a weird digital noise at the newcomer.

[Galvantula] Is clinging to the wall above the group

[Archen] Running and flapping like a small, colorful chicken.

[Ring Leader] - Hi!  So TLOT mentioned something to me about a candy seed?

[Doc] Oh? You mean Yaunfen's home seed? What about it?

[Ring Leader] - I was wondering you could take me to see it?

[HG] -Tries to follow  where Ring Leader went-

[Deer] - HG?  Are you lost?

[Doc] Sure! It's a really pretty seed. I can always get some more candy and stuff for the little one- gestures at Yaunfen-

[HG] oh no I wanted to see doc I heard TLOT and Steve tell ring leader to come here so I was trying to find hir

[Deer] - Right down there HG, just go down the stairs

[HG] thank you -goes down the stairs-

[Doc] Hey Hg, did you need me too?

[HG] i wanted to see this candy place too and to tell you that i have a house so if there is any plants you want to give me i can grow them there

[Doc] Well there's plenty you can pick up there. If you like sugar of course. And I'm glad you hae a place to call your own as well. No more skulking around

[HG] that will be interesting to have a lot of candy plants

[Ring Leader] - Should I bring anything?

[Doc] Nah, I'll give you each a backpack trunk in case you fill your inventory-  Calls up - Deerheart? I'm gonna go pick up more candy for Yaunfen. Should I take them or leave them with you?

[Deer] - You can leave them here, surprise them with treats

[Doc] Can you come down?

[Deer] - Absolutely- She comes on down

[Yaunfen] - Burp!

[Doc] Is obviously feeling better and does a graceful slide on the quartz floor with just the tiniest trail of sparks. Xe sweeps Deerheart around and kisses her while dipping her passionately-

[Deer] Squeaks in surprise but is soon returning the kiss-

[Doc] Gives her a wonderfully loving gaze before releasing her gently onto her hooves again. - Thanks for watching the baby.

[Deer] - Of course love

[Ring Leader] Is giggling-

[HG] -was distracted by trying to pet Exeggutor he didn't notice deer and doc kissing-

[Exeggutor] Is patting Hg with it's leaves playfully-

[Doc] Straightens hir coat and spawns a pair of saddle bags, stripping it and making two rucksacks from it. - Here you go guys-

[Ring Leader] - Thanks!

[HG] -takes the bag while still petting Exeggutor- thank you doc

[aven] -pokes ben-

[BEN] Grumbles- What?

[aven] we should play some video game maybe hyrule would pick up a word from a game that has nothing to do with water

[BEN] - And what game wont leave one of us cussing our heads off?

[aven] legend of Zelda?

[BEN] Gives Aven an "Are you fucking kidding me look"- Uh, water temples?

[aven] we aren't going in them

[BEN] - But there's still so much water!

[aven] but don't you want to teach hyrule about legend of Zelda?

[BEN] - Once he's a bit older and we can take him there, then yes

[aven] but I want to play a game

[BEN] Suddenly smirks- How about a different type of game?

[aven] I would say yes but who would watch hyrule gem and her guardians aren't here

[BEN] Groans and mumbles under his breath-

[Hyrule] -is wiggling and managed to flip himself on to his belly-

[BEN] - SHIT!  HYRULE!

[hyrule] -is trying to stand on his hands and knees-

[aven] I think he is getting ready to crawl

[BEN] - Well let's get him out here so he doesn't fall and hurt himself

[aven] -pick hyrule up and puts him on the floor between ben and her-

[hyrule] -starts with a slow crawl-

[BEN] - He's moving!

[Aven] -has a big smile on her face- oh he is doing a great job

[hyrule] -crawls over to BEN-

[BEN] Moves so he's a few feet in front of Hyrule- Come on, come to Dada

[Hyrule] -crawls back over to BEN-

[BEN] - Yay!  Good job buddy!

[Hyrule] -crawls over to Su who is laying in her bed-

[BEN] - Er, should we stop him?  He may pull her fur...

[su] -nuzzles Hyrule before making a quick yip-

[BEN] - Come back here Hyrule

[Hyrule] -crawls back to BEN-

[BEN] Picks up Hyrule- Yeah, that's our smart boy!

[hyrule] -bops BEN's face-

[aven] he is our brave boy is isn't scared of anything

[BEN] - Except water

[aven] it's seem like he is the opposite of afraid of water

[BEN] - Shush

[hyrule] wa-er

[BEN] Groans-

[aven] seen he likes water

[BEN] - WHHHHHHHHHHHHY!?

[aven] why do you think ben take a wild gess based off of our fear of it

[BEN] - To torment us and drive us nuts....

[aven] because he never developed the fear because he never drowned he never experienced it so he just doesn't fear it

[BEN] - No drowning...

[aven] that's the point he never did so there was no way to get hydrophobia

[BEN] - He'll never go near it

[aven] ben he loves water you will have to accept it when he is walking around and one day gets swimming lessons

[BEN] - Never

[aven] you and me both know he likes no loves water and I will be the one to encourage that so you will have to stop me from letting gem teach him which will be hard because you will also have to go though the guardians and i know you can't

[BEN] - Aven, I have defeated Ganandorf numerous times and stopped the moon, I can reverse time if I so choose!  Do you really think I'm so pathetic that those things can stop me?

[Aven] there are more then one and two of them are taller then gem and they don't have organs so you can't stab them to death  and they did a pretty good job of holding you back that one time we gave hyrule a bath

[BEN] Growls-

[aven] even so do you really want hyrule to be sad because you won't let him get near water

[BEN] - I don't want what happened to us, to happen to him!

[Aven] but it won't no one will allow it

[BEN] Whines-

[Aven] do you trust gem not to hurt hyrule

[BEN] - When not around water?  Yes

[Aven] why not around water

[BEN] - Because it's water!

[aven] if she would never let hurt hyrule on land why would she let hyrule get hurt in the water

[BEN] - I DON'T KNOW!

[Aven] ben calm down listen we really don't have to deal with that right now he only just started to crawl but just keep in mind no one will let him drown

[BEN] Whines again while still holding Hyrule-

[hyrule] -is wiggling  in ben's grasp-

[BEN] - Shhh, it's okay Hyrule- He bounces his son a little

[hyrule] -giggles-

[BEN] We really do have a perfect child, don't we?

[aven] yes we do

[BEN] - It weird you know, I know Painter and Judge want a kid, but it's weird to think of other pasta's having kids...

[aven] I guess it's a little weird but it would be interesting what would happen being our kid has the same eyes we have what would happen with them

[BEN] Snorts in amusement- Or CP and Lie!

[aven] my best guess like another brine

[BEN] - Yeah, but what sort of temperament would it have?

[aven] i'm not sure maybe one day we will know

[BEN] - Yeah right, I mean, I know CP is good with kids and all but...

[aven] he also curses and yells a lot

[BEN] - Don't get me wrong, I think the kids would have a good life, especially with Lie as it's mom, but with CP around it would probably be stressful

[aven] yea I can see that

[BEN] Sighs- I'm getting hungry, what's  there to eat?

[aven] gem normally leaves meals in the closets chest to entrance of the storage room we should check there

[BEN] - Will you please go get some?

[aven] sure -goes down to the storage room and gets some food and comes back with to plates of food-

[BEN] Is laying on his back with Hyrule on his chest-

[hyrule] -is bopping ben's face-

[aven] I got food

[BEN] - Are you trying to get Dada's nose?

[hyrule] -does get his nose and get a good grip on it-

[BEN] - Oh no!  My nose!

[aven] -puts ben's food above his head and sits next to him-

[BEN] Nasally- Feed me?

[aven] hyrule is in the way I can't -starts eating her food-

[BEN] Gently starts moving Hyrule farther down his chest- Come on Hyrule, breakfast time

[hyrule] -lets go of ben's nose-

[BEN] - Ready to eat Hyrule?

[Hyrule] -baps ben-

[BEN] - Hey Aven, if you feed me I'll feed Hyrule

[aven] sure -puts her food down and grabs bens and hold out a bit for ben

[BEN] Opens his mouth-

[aven] -puts it in his mouth-

[BEN] Chews happily with a mumbled thanks-

[aven] your welcome

[BEN] Points at Hyrule's bottle as he sits up, holding Hyrule-

[hyrule] -is trying to grab in the direction o the bottle-

[Aven] -goes and gets the bottle and gives it to ben-

[BEN] Immediately starts feeding Hyrule-

[hyrule] -is happily drinking the bottle-

[BEN] - More food babe?

[aven] -gives ben some more of his food-

[BEN] Then returns his attention to Hyrule-

[BEN] - We need to get a babysitter soon...

[aven] yea but don't be surprised of they give them a bath

[BEN] Growls-

[aven] oh come now you should expect that if he is dirty

[BEN] - He's fine!

[aven] -rolls her eyes a little- he is fine now but he is going to be getting dirty faster now that he can crawl-

[BEN] Whines again-

[aven] -gives ben a kiss on the cheek- your a good dada

[BEN] - Yeah yeah

[aven] -leans on the wall-

[Doc] So we'll have to travel through the outside a bit to get where we're going. But I'm used to giving rides. You two ready to go?

[Ring Leader] - Oh absolutely!

[HG] i am nervous but yes

[Doc] Makes a hole in the firewall and shifts as xe phases out the hole, the dragon is waiting on the other end to carry them- Just hop on, I'll carry you both.

[Ring Leader] - Cool!

[HG] -nervously gets ok and holds on to his watering pail for comfort-

[Doc] Closes the hole- When you live with creepypastas, it's useful to be large, it helps prevent fighting.

[Ring Leader] Giggles as she settles herself- I'll say, Slender often uses his size and tentacles to break up fights

[Doc] I tangled with Slender once like this while he was hurt. He still beat the crap out of me thrashing around. But he would have smashed me flat in my normal shape.

[HG] he sounds scary

[Ring Leader] - Yeah, but at least he's protective of his family

[Doc] I know, I'm not trash-talking him. He's one tough cookie.

[Ring Leader] - Now then, let's get going to this candy seed!

[Doc] Trots through the statick and soon reaches the right spot, xe makes a door and slides inside. The sky over the seed is a lovely shade of pale blue and the pastel trees cast faint shadows over the iced cake ground.

[HG] whoa

[Doc] Trots down the airblocks and walks along the ground level. The surface is peppered with lollipops and popsicles growing like flowers.

[HG] are these plant?

[Ring Leader] - THIS IS SO COOL!

[Doc] Yep, - Xe slows so they can get down. Pick a few, as long as you carry them in in your inventory they'll grow just fine on our seed. - At Ring Leader- You see where my little one gets it. They fit right in here.

[HG] -gets down and tries to water them-

-The plants get larger-

[Doc] chuckles-  Now you made em too big to fit in your mouth!

[Ring Leader] Jumps down and starts collecting things-

[HG] -waters a tree-

-The pastel tree shoots up a few blocks and drops the local saplings. They seem to be mounded cones of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

[Ring Leader] - Can we eat these?

[Doc] Yes! And Hg, you should know that one already, TLOT planted one at the spawn.

[Ring Leader] Picks up one of the cones and takes a lick- Yummy!

[HG] -starts collecting things so he can grow them-

[Doc] This is why I only feed Yaunfen sweets. They're home seed is made of nothing but. - xe spots a chicken - watch this- The big dragon wiggles their butt like a cat and pounces on the chicken. With a wild skwak it lays an egg and xe lets the bird go to grab it-

[Ring Leader] - What is it?

[HG] -goes over to the chicken and pets it-

[Doc] Chocolate, with some kind of sugary filling thats yellow and white.

[Ring Leader] - So like a cadburry egg?

[Doc] I guess? Is that a human candy irl?

[Ring Leader] - A very yummy one!

[Doc] Offers her the big egg - if it's your fave you can have it

[Ring Leader] - Thank you!

[Doc] Looks around for some water, - there's something else I've been wanting to pick actually...

[HG] -is collecting as many candy like plants while petting any animal he passes-

[Ring Leader] - What is it?

[Doc] Hey Hg! Use your can to get some milk if you find a cow. Steve said it's vanilla-flavored. Hm?

[HG] I don't have a bucket

[Doc] Oh, I'll spawn one, hang on-

[Ring Leader] - What do you want to pick?

[Doc] Fusses around and gets a bucket from the creative, it's an empty seed so there's no resistance to changing modes- Here you go - the pail is a cute purple with tiny white flowers- Oh, the local equivilant of sugarcane.

[Ring Leader] - Do you need help finding it?

[Doc] It'll be near water. They're tall and stripy

[HG] this is a nice bucket I like the little flowers

[Doc] Everything here is so cute.

[Ring Leader] - Can we also bring back one of those chickens?  I'd love to have one of them

[Doc] Sure! I'll find the spawn egg and you can just tap it out whenever you get home. - Fusses around-

[HG] -goes off to look for more things and a cow-

[Doc] Don't get lost Hg! There are mobs. They just looks like decorated cookies and such.

[HG] -isn't that far but is out of sight because he is behind some trees-

[Ring Leader] Is looking around herself, still licking her cone-

[Doc] Is keeping an eye on both of them and finds a small pond. Xe takes a drink and sneezes - It's all fizzy!

[Ring Leader] - Fizzy?

[Doc] Yeah, it's sweet and bubbly, it's weird.

[HG] -finds a cow and gets some milk then pets it HG comes back to the others- I found milk

[Ring Leader] - So like soda?

-The cows look like pinata animals-

[Doc] OH YEAH! You're right. I had that once. Damn that was a long time ago. first time I ever went irl.

[Ring Leader] - I love soda!  It's so good!

[HG] -balances the pail on doc's back-

[Doc] Makes a weird face- why are you putting that there? I'm not a shelf.

[HG] but you wanted the milk and you where busy talking and I didn't want to interrupt so I put it there so I could go look for more plants

{Doc] I wanted you to try it, silly. Lie has one of those cows actually.

[HG] oh -pick back up the bucket and tries it- this is good

[Ring Leader] Spots something striped- Hey!  Is that what you're looking for?

[Doc] Peeks into the shadowed space- OW! Fuck you! - Xe snaps on something with hir jaws and there's a bit of a clatter-

[Ring Leader] - You okay?

[Doc] Has an arrow in hir nose and spits out a candy striped bone- Yeah. Here skeletons also have stripes.

[Ring Leader] - I'm sorry!

[HG] are you ok

[Doc] It's okay, just pull it out for me please.

[Ring Leader] - Sure!  Just bend down a little

[Doc] Hunkers down- At least it tasted good.

[Ring] Yanks the arrow out with a practiced motion-

[Doc] YOW. Thanks.

[HG] doc can I use the top of your head to look out for more plants?

[Doc] Sure- is already low to the ground - keep an eye out for anything striped-

[HG] -gets on top of Doc's head-

[Doc] Lifts up so they can both see.  Over the next rise there's an extreme hills biome and quite a few endermen milling in the shadow under an overhang. They look like pocky sticks with a crumble coating.- Weird to see so many of them out in daylight...

[HG] yea -is trying to look in other directions-

[Ring Leader] Is just happily gathering things-

[Doc] Oh, duh! I bet the End is getting pretty full, oh well. Tough luck for them.

[Doc] Heads off along the bottom of the hill and the trees part to reveal the ocean. There's a thin ribbon of boiling liquid strawberry lava pouring down from a cliff into the sea.

[Ring Leader] - Oh, that looks hot

[HG] -is looking along the coast for any new plants-

[Doc] It has a really interesting flavor when it cools. Those black blocks under the water are a spongy black licorice. Here, hop on my back again. I'll just walk in the water, I can see what I need from here-

[Ring Leader] - Okay!

[Doc] Scoops up a flat orange disk from the water and passes it to Hg- Lillpad. I think it's some kind of flat fruit thing.

[HG] this server is very interesting -the flitter on HG's head is resting takes the lilly pad-

[Ring Leader] Wipes her face a little, thinking she has a bit of ice cream on her upper lip-

[Doc] Trots through the shallow water and finds a stand of what xe's looking for. - There we go! Pick a bunch. They're like a flaky tube cookie with cream in the middle.

[Ring Leader] - Um, in a minute- She's looking for something in her pockets

[HG] can I have some to plant?

[Doc] Yes, grab em all. I want to grow some for Yaunfen-  Is watching the trees. It's a swampy area with lots of licorice rope vines making shadows under the trees-

[Ring Leader] Dabs at her upper lip where a bit of blood is trickling from her nose-

[HG] -climbs down doc's neck then gets off and picks some of the sugar cane then starts going for the vines-

[Doc] Hears a squishing noise a bit too late and fires a bolt of statick into the trees. The big slime cube explodes into a bits of flying green jello that go everywhere. - Blech.

[HG] -is covered in jello- ew

[Ring Leader] Yelps and drops her now blood spotted cloth- Oops

[Doc] Wipes hir face and smells the blood- Did someone get hurt?

[HG] i'm ok

[Ring Leader] - Sorry, side effect

[Doc] Side effect of what?

[Ring Leader] - Of being a proxy

[Ring Leader] - Um, could you hand that back to me please?

[Doc] It fell in the soda water- hang on- Xe fishes out the cloth and passes it to her- can you explain to me what's actually wrong? Is it a blood taint like Grinnys radiation?

[Ring Leader] - It's from all the EMP, that's all

[Doc] I see... - xe passes her the full bucket again- have some more milk. It won't help you in the long run, but it's in-game purpose is to cleanse any poisons from your system. It'll stop your nose-bleed at least.

[Ring Leader] - Oh that's okay, it will be over in a minute or so

[Doc] slyly -you know... there is one other solution...

[HG] -is grabbing vines-

-the bright red vines give with a rubbery snap, they're probably cherry flavored, maybe strawberry.

[Ring Leader] - What is it?

[Doc] Looks at her straight on - You could always hang out with us until you turn digital.

[Ring Leader] - No, that wouldn't work

[Doc] Why not?

[Ring Leader] - It's because of the bind between proxy and master. You know the pain you go through when you get hit with one of Slender's blasts? Imagine that 24/7, that's what will happen if the proxy is digital

[Doc] Gets a really sad expression and brushes hir mane against Ring Leader like a cat butting - I'm so sorry... You poor thing.... And Splender too. He just wants to have friends and being around humans just kills them slowly... It's so terrible- Small tear ecapes.

[Ring Leader] - Hey, it's okay, that's one of the reasons I accepted Splendy's offer, so I could be there for him

[Doc] Is still crying a little bit. - I don't get it. You guys just act so casual about these terrible things...

[Ring Leader] - Because we've accepted it

[HG] -come back over to doc- don't cry do you need to hug my water pail it always makes me feel better

[Doc] Busks against HG a bit too- Thank you... I just can't. I don't understand it at all.

[Ring leader] - Hey, at least I'm better off than Masky

[HG] -surprised by doc's butting and makes a small eep sound-

[Doc] Because Slenders waves are stronger I imagine....

[Ring Leader] - True, but his proxies are also granted the ability to just be normal humans every once in awhile

[Doc] Backs off Hg to not scare them- For what purpose?

[Ring Leader] - Because what he asks of them is very stressful, it's why all of his proxies have some form of mask.  When they remove the mask, all memory of being a proxy vanish and they can spend time as normal humans, oblivious to the other part of their life

[Doc] Then does that mean that Jewel and Jane are also proxies for someone?

[Ring Leader] - No, they just have masks, like EJ

[Doc] Okay.... - Xe scratches at the surface underneath hir feet and some sticky blocks of toffee pop up - We should keep going. It'll be night soon.

[HG] -climbs back on to doc's back-

[Ring Leader] Wipes away the last of the blood- Lets go

[Doc]  climbs out of the water and runs along the shore, looking for the end of the swamp biome

[Rung Leader] - Are we looking for anything other than this sugar cane?

[Doc] A pumpkin would be nice... It basically just a big hollow chocolate thing - Is sniffing around- Look for something with a face... that doesn't try to attack.

[Ring Leader] - A face?

[HG] I would like a pumpkin as well

[Doc] Yeah the pumpkins grow with a jack o' lantern face already part of them.

[Ring Leader] - Pre-made jack-o-lanterns!

[Doc] They kinda ooze eggy stuff when you light them up too.

[Ring Leader] - Cool!

[Doc] Snuffles around and comes comes nose to snout with a pig in the underbrush- SNRK!

[Ring Leader] - Oh cool!  What's that!?

[HG] I think it's a pig

[Doc] Yeah. It's some kind of sweet thick stuff.

[Ring Leader] Hops down and looks around- Hey!  There's something dark over there!

[Doc] Be careful....

[Ring Leader] Moves closer, climbing up a few blocks- Hey!  I think it's a pumpkin! She begins pulling at it

[Doc] Give it a couple of good smacks. Either punch or karate chop.

[Ring Leader] Whacks it with her cane a few times and it pops up-

[Doc] Perfect. You guys want to head back now?

[Ring Leader] - Sure

[HG] could I have a copy of the pumpkin?

[Doc] Sure! I'm going to plant them anyway.

[Ring Leader] Climbs back on top of Doc-

[Doc] Okay! - Xe strikes a bit of a pose and makes an opening before skittering into the outside again. It's a bit cold and staticky and xe makes haste back home with hir riders. The sky is clear blue and inviting as they pop back onto the server. The brighter colors seeming almost glaring after all the pastels.

[Ring Leader] - Well that was fun!

[Doc] Agreed. I like that mod a lot. - into the chat- Sweetheart, I'm home!

[HG] it was an interesting trip these are some interesting plants too

[Deer] - There's a surprise for you here~

[Doc] Gives a little thrill that shakes hir frame. - Yow. On my way! - Xe copies the pumpkin for Hg and passes it-

[Ring Leader] - Can I come with you?

[HG] -takes the pumpkin- thank you doc for letting me come along

[Doc] You're welcome. I'm glad you're settling in. If nothing it's nice to have a brine around with such a soothing hobby-

[Mb] Because they're near the nether portal house- GO FUCK YOURSELF-

[Doc] Ahem....Yes Ring Leader. You should stay with me anyway since Splender isn't back yet.

[Ring Leader] - Then lead on!

[HG] I think I will run back so I can start planting these

[Doc] Well I need to change so I can get in the house. I can't phase through the walls with riders... - Hunkers down a bit - You'll just end up on your butt outside

[Ring Leader] Slides off again-

[HG] -gets off as well-

[Doc] Shifts back and dusts off hir coat- Ah, it's always nice to come home with a full inventory from a good days exploring. And safe trip for you Hg. Come visit anytime.

[HG] I will -runs off in a blur-

[Doc] Fast little bugger isn't he?

[Ring Leader] - I'll say...

[Doc] Leads Ring Leader into the house and they head back down- Deerheart? Where are you?

[Deer] - Bedroom

[Doc] Hesitates - Should I... be alone?

[Deer] - No, that's not necessary

[Doc] Ah, not that kind of suprise then.... - Heads down.

[Ring Leader] Follows them down-

[Deer] Is fully clothed and biting back a large grin-

[Doc] Looks slightly suspicious - Um, Deerheart?

[Yaunfen] Perks up and loudly exclaims- MADA!

[Doc] Yaunfen! Awwwwwww! - goes for the hug. - My sweet little baby-

[Yaunfen] Mada!  Mada!

[Doc] Emotionally melts- So proud of you! Deerheart... Did you teach them that?

[Deer] - They figured it out when they couldn't figure out if you were a mom or a dad

[Doc] Snuggles against them- I'm whatever you need me to be.

[Ring Leader] Claps happily- This is so great!

[Doc] At Yaunfen - I brought you something special too- Xe takes one of the copied pumpkins and plunks it on the floor-

[Yaunfen] Sniffs at it and then dives right into the top, splattering the innards everywhere-

[Doc] Tumbles back on the floor laughing. - What a mess!

-There's a slight disturbance as something enters the server-

[Doc] Did you feel that? I wonder if Splender's back.

[Ring Leader] - WHERE!?

[Doc] Tries to pinpoint him- I'm looking

-It's difficult to find him, but it's in Splender's house-

[Doc] He's in his house. I'll walk you over there. It looks like Yaunfen is sufficently entertained for the moment. Sorry about the chocolate mess love. I'll help you clean it up when I come back.

[Deer] - Or maybe I'll help make a bigger mess that you'll need to clean up

[Doc] knowing grin- Saucy little thing....

[Ring Leader] - Come oooooon!

[Doc] Okay okay! - Rushes back up the steps and leads them out through the horse pen level and then through the garden and down the hill to Splender's house-

-There's movement inside of Splender's home-

[Doc] Calls out to him, not wanting to just barge in-

-There's a short wail from within-

[wtf-taeyong]

No - Part 3 - Jin/Seokjin angst

I’m really so sorry that this took so long! I don’t really have much of an excuse, other than originally this was only going to be one part and since so many of you enjoyed it, I decided to rattle out part 2 and suddenly all my inspiration was gone, I had no middle or ending planned at all and I’ve come to hate this story a bit. Nevertheless, here is part 3 and hopefully part 4 is done within a year this time!! <3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 ___________________________

Taehyung wasn’t sure what the protocol for this was. He wasn’t sure if he should report your case to the boss, or if he should just leave you alone. He hadn’t been given instructions on how to act, and now, with his phone clutched in his hand, the pixels screaming at him to call his boss and get it over and done with, he didn’t. He… Couldn’t.

You were staring up at him with wide eyes, and a certain innocence that he hadn’t expected from someone so deeply connected with Seokjin. It was apparent, in the tone of your voice and the pinched look on your face that you truly had no idea who Seokjin was. You actually couldn’t remember him after your assault and Taehyung couldn’t feel anything other than pity.

This is why he thought that love was stupid. Why waste time on something with an expiration date when you could just live your life to the fullest and make yourself entirely happy? He didn’t understand Yoongi, who gave up all of his girls for just one, only for it to end in tatters. He couldn’t understand the logic behind it all and he knew that he would never understand for as long as he lived. He preferred it that way.

“So, Y/N…” He trailed off, rolling back on his heels.

He really only had two options. He could call Kim Namjoon and inform him on the situation and potentially get you eliminated if Seokjin didn’t want you anymore, or he could brush all of this under the rug and let you live out your days happily, with a massive blank space.

True, he couldn’t risk you regaining your memories and coming to look for Jin.

Although… If Taehyung hadn’t even recognised you when you first met in the alleyway and you had desperately begged for Seokjin to return home with you… Then how attached actually were you? Did you even know anything about the gang or did Jin have you fooled that he just worked long hours at some boring day job?

Taehyung’s mind was swimming and the way you looked at him as if you expected all the answers in the world wasn’t helping him at all. He breathed out heavily, shoulders slumping forwards.

He hated getting innocents involved.

“Yeah, Namjoon hyung? We have a kind of situation here…”

-

“What,” Seethed Namjoon. “The ever loving fuck?”

Jin shrugged, not meeting his leader's eyes and scuffing his feet slightly. He didn’t enjoy all of the attention on him at all, and he found it annoying that it was about something that was shoved into the past now.

His heart ached at that thought.

“How did she end up in this mess?” Namjoon demanded, stepping forwards and staring at Seokjin with an intensity so fierce that even Yoongi was perturbed.

“I don’t know,” Seokjin said truthfully, still refusing to look into his eyes. “When I got home, she was already like that. All I did was take her to the hospital. Which is where she should be now, getting medical help.”

You were currently in the custody of Taehyung who had a tight grip on your upper arm. You were staring around the room in bewilderment, only able to recognise the man who was holding onto you like his life depended on it. Which, you admitted whilst staring at the tan man who was seething like an angry pitbull, it may very well do so.

Jin ignored this fact and he even ignored your entire existence, eyes dancing over you like you were a stranger when he was called into the room. You had no idea why, but the lack of recognition in his eyes unsettled you.

He had acted like he cared for you in the hospital, had he not? Why did he pretend not to know you?

“Well you must have some kind of an idea who did this to her!” the man burst, startling you slightly.

Upon feeling your muscles tense, Taehyung eased his grip slightly and rubbed his thumb over your skin in what you assumed he thought was a soothing manner. It only did the opposite; you were fully aware of what kind of people you were trapped in a room with and you didn’t want any of them to try and comfort you. You didn’t want to let your guard down once.

“She said that she had been receiving weird texts for a while,” Jin admitted. You froze, remembering the words that you had read across your phone screen. “But I didn’t think anything of it.”

You tried to think, again, where you had seen this handsome man’s face but you were coming up blank again. Your head was still hurting from the moment you woke up, you didn’t understand what was going on at all. Who was this man?

“You probably should have,” A slightly shorter yet equally intimidating man piped up from where he was leaning against the wall. “If any other girl told their boyfriend they were received dodgy messages, their boyfriends would do something about it.”

Boyfriend? You apparently told Jin… Was he your boyfriend? Why couldn’t you remember him?

“Where is her phone now?” The man demanded, pinching the bridge of his nose. Immediately, Taehyung shoved his hand into his pocket and brought out your phone. You bristled slightly at the sight of your beloved possession in his grasp, and you tensed even further when he simply threw it to another man with the cotton candy hair. He walked it over to his boss who took it and you could have vomited when he threw it to the floor and ground it under his foot.

Everybody in the room watched with baited breath as the man leaned down and picked up the pieces, pulling the back off and sliding out the SIM card.

“Namjoon?” the shorter man asked, stepping forwards. His face was still half-cast in the shadows which inflicted slight fear upon you, but he didn’t even give you a glance. He was completely focused on this Namjoon.

“In case she’s being traced,” He, Namjoon, clarified. Resolution passed over Seokjin’s face, along with a flash of something mutinous, but it was gone before you even fully registered that it was there. “Seokjin, you have the honour of escorting our friend here to the cells. Do try and make sure she doesn’t get away, because it’ll be your head that I have.”

-

Seokjin’s grip was incredibly bruising on your upper arm as he led you down some tastefully furnished hallway, through a few doorways and finally out a door into a bright kind of compound, with similar buildings like the one you just walked out of surrounding the perimeter of the open area in the middle. He was completely silent as the two of you journeyed over to a building slightly smaller than the others and, even though you had no recollection of this man, it was awkward and uncomfortable. You wanted to fill the gap with something, even if it was just him barking at you to shut up or whatever gang members usually said.

This was a gang, right?

“So, we’re dating, huh?” You could have facepalmed at how awkward and potentially insensitive that was. He was silent for a few moments whilst you internally cursed yourself, but he spoke eventually.

“No.”

That shut you up, but only for a moment. You went into the small building that was seemingly only one floor high, and he led you down yet another identical hallway and through some doors. Seemingly, these buildings took up a lot of area rather than height. The lighting was particularly poor in that building, which was surprising considering the wealth they seemed to possess based on the previous buildings you had seen and been in.

“So, what’s your role?” You asked. This time he turned his head towards you, cocking an eyebrow. “You know, in all those mafia movies and whatever, each member has a specific thing they specialise in, right? So what’s yours?”

“None of your fucking business.” His tone was sharp and incredibly biting, but it didn’t scare you. You just laughed lightly, surprising him, and allowed him to escort you further into the maze of a building..

How big even was this building? You’d been walking for what felt like hours.

Eventually, he led you off one of the hallways and into one long, dank, dark room where the air was suspiciously moist and only had one dim light. He took you to the cell furthest from the entry, relatively close (but not really) to the light.

Unlocking the door with a key he slid out of his pocket and sliding the iron door that desperately needed oiling over, he was certainly not gentle when sending you into the cell and you went tumbling to the floor, not expecting the harsh shove he gave you.

There was a slight hesitation in his voice as he watched you scramble to your feet, ignoring the sharp pain where you had scraped your palms, but he collected himself quickly.

“This is where you’ll stay until we decide what to do with you,” he said, his voice still as cold as it was before. “You’ll keep silent. Food will be brought to you once a day, and water will be brought three times a day.”

He turned to leave, pulling the door shut over you. He stared at you, eyes boring into yours through the metal bars.

“That is, of course, unless we forget about you.”

With that, he turned to leave and shut the wooden door behind him. Quickly, he wiped the tear that had escaped his eye and pulled himself together before returning to the others.

“Just like you forgot about me.”

-

It felt like days that you had been stuck in that tiny, dank cell, but it had actually only been a few hours. It was mind-numbingly boring and nothing could have prepared you for the loneliness.

Even if it was Jin’s sharp tone and harsh words, or even Taehyung’s mischievous eyes and weirdly uncomfortable aura, you’d be content. You just couldn’t stand the silence.

It was… Stifling.

You were left to ponder this for another half an hour before the wooden door was opened again, flooding the room with the warm light from the hallway.

You had considered it, and had come up with several theories as to why the building was so tastefully decorated. First, they often had visitors that didn’t know the nature of their work and so they hid it well under money and whatever lies they spewed. Secondly, this was their permanent home and they enjoyed living in the laps of luxury. Finally, one (or perhaps several) of the members had a penchant for interior design.

Footsteps drew closer to your cell, but you didn’t turn to look at them, still thinking hard. Eventually you concluded that you didn’t know enough about any of them to make a correct judgement about them.

You were sat with your back against the bars that made up the front of the cell, staring at the cement and brick wall. It was free from marks and looked like it had even been redecorated recently, the grey paint seeming like it hadn’t had enough time to settle into the pores of the bricks.

“Hey.” A voice made you jump and you turned slightly, before finding that the light shining from behind it made it harder to see any features. He was certainly tall though, that was for definite. “I have your food.”

He crouched down slightly next to a slit in the iron bars that you hadn’t noticed before, gently pushing the tray through it. You shuffled over, still on your ass, to receive the tray that the gang member had brought to you.

“My name is Jungkook, by the way.”

You were silent for a few minutes as you were finally able to see his face. He was disarmingly handsome; you didn’t expect that button nose or little bunny smile to be apparent anywhere, least of all in a gang. He was smiling very gently at you.

“I’m Y/N!” You were eager to slowly push your hand through the gaps in the iron bars and offer him your hand to shake. He was visibly surprised before he shook your hand once and retracted quickly.

“I wish we had met in different circumstances, Y/N. Hyungs are still debating what to do with you, but I thought you must be hungry down here.”

You shrugged.

“I’ve been thinking way too hard, I didn’t really notice that I was hungry.” You turned your gaze down to the dish and you were taken aback to see that it looked surprisingly appealing.

Perhaps they had so much wealth that they couldn’t resist sending you these tiny reminders of it? Maybe you were thinking too deeply into it, but it felt like the elaborate meal they had given to you - their lowly prisoner - was almost a reminder that they had power over you. Wasn’t that true in most capitalist societies? Money meant power?

“Ah, Jin hyung said that might happen.” You blanched at the fact that Seokjin seemingly knew that much about you, but shook it off. You were still adjusting to having that random empty spot in your memories.

“Well, thank you anyway, Jungkook! This looks really good, it’d almost be worth it to be poisoned if it tastes as good as it looks.”

He was immediately floundering. “Oh my God, no, it’s not poisoned, I swear! We want you alive for the time being,” he insisted, face showing almost comical panic. “I think. Besides, if we were to kill you then we wouldn’t do it with poison.”

“That’s comforting, at least.” You said dryly and he forgot himself, sniggering slightly.

“You’re the weirdest prisoner we’ve ever had.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Make of it what you will,” he stood up to his full height again, his face disappearing as the light shining from behind his head made it hard to see again. “I have to go now. I’m leaving on a mission for my hyungs so I won’t see you for a while, but it was nice to meet you at least.”

“You too, Jungkook,” you said, waving him off. “Be safe!”

It was meant as a joke, the idea that you as a prisoner was wishing one of her captors to be safe whilst he committed whatever actions were most likely illegal for the betterment of the gang you were victim of. However, it had the opposite effect of humour on Jungkook, who immediately froze and whirled to face you, a fire in his eyes.

“Don’t say that to me.” he snapped, surprising you.

“Don’t say what? Be safe?”

“Don’t.”

“I was joking, but okay.”

“You shouldn’t say it in that position, Y/N.” he warned.

“Why? Because I’m the one that isn’t safe?”

He didn’t reply, but you just nodded as if he had. You waved him off again, and he was very stiff in his footsteps to the door again, shutting it behind him without another word.

That was a very bizarre interaction, but thankfully, your loneliness was temporarily alleviated and your hunger sated as you scoffed down the food Jungkook had given to you. True to his word, it wasn’t poisoned, but perhaps that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

You didn’t know what they were planning at all, but if it was to kill you, then Jungkook telling you that they would kill you in some other way did nothing but give you a little spike of anxiety that you had been keeping at bay this entire time.

Fuck. This whole situation was shit storm if ever there was one.

You wake up, completely clueless as to where you are, with the prettiest man you had ever seen standing over you. You don’t recognise him, he leaves quickly, and another shockingly good looking man called Taehyung comes in, asks you about this Jin. He, too, leaves, and suddenly you’re discharged and crammed into the back of a black SUV between this Taehyung and the man that you now knew as Jungkook. Now you were here, stuck in this dingy little cell with no idea where you were or who was with you, or even if anybody would notice that you were missing from home. But at least you had great food.

Would anybody even look for you?

Like you said, this entire situation was a shit storm.

-

With no clock or windows in the little prison, you had no idea what time it was. It could have been midnight for all you knew. Hell, it could have been the end of the world or the start of World War Three and you wouldn’t have known. Although, in retrospect, that could be considered a good thing. At least you were safe from whatever was out there.

Or perhaps you’d rather be out there, safe from whatever was in here.

All of a sudden, two men came barging into the room and striding towards your cell. Quashing down your sudden rack of anxiety, you tried your utmost to spread a smile across your face.

“Taehyung!” you called with a light tone.

“Hey, Y/N!” he said, opening your cell and pulling you out roughly. He led you away as the other man you hadn’t even seen shut the door behind the two of you. “This is Jimin!”

“Hi, Jimin, it’s nice to meet you!” Thankfully, Taehyung’s seemingly constant sunshine attitude was infectious and it wasn’t hard to keep up your facade.

“Uh, yeah, you too.” Jimin was, understandably, perturbed by your happy attitude in such an unfortunate circumstance. He didn’t question it at all as Taehyung led you through the maze of the building.

You tried to ignore the fact that it took much less time to leave the building than it did to get to the cells and you especially ignored the idea you somehow got into your mind that Jin did that to deliberately spend more time with you.

That was completely absurd and ludicrous and ridiculous- But why couldn’t you burst the bubble of hope that grew because of that idea? Maybe he didn’t entirely detest you?

Taehyung was quick to lead you across the compound, a confused Jimin trailing behind you two, and enter into the building you were first in. Taehyung had long legs and he certainly used it, looking like he was sprinting towards the main room. He latched his hand onto your upper arm as soon as the two of you were in sight, guiding you to stand in front of the leader, Namjoon, who looked particularly powerful standing on a platform of the marble steps leading to the large sweeping wooden staircases of the main hall.

You supposed that this building was where all the members resided, and your suspicions were confirmed when you watched Jungkook jog down the stairs, and holding onto a duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. He was quick to leave the room, but as he went he didn’t miss the chance to smack both Taehyung and Jimin on the ass, sending you a quick wink.

You ignored the wink but smiled fondly at his playful attitude with the other members. The three of them were clearly close friends and you were glad that there was at least that happiness in such a bleak situation.

“Y/N,” the leader addressed you, his voice oozing so much power and authority that you were immediately intimidated. “We’ve reached a decision.”

Hopefully, they would let you go. Although that was unlikely, that was your most preferred verdict. That, or just killing you immediately in a hopefully humane way. You were already tired of the cell you were in, and you knew that any more time in there would send your mental health plummeting to the ground. However, as you gazed around the room and noticed a lack of any kind of weapon and only the gradually increasing pressure on your upper arm as Taehyung’s grip got tighter and tighter, you knew that their were neither going to free you, nor kill you.

“You’re going to stay here with us.”

You had expected it, but it was a blow all the same. Your shoulders slumped forwards slightly, and you stared into the eyes of the gang leader that you suddenly came to detest. He hadn’t done anything wrong to you, technically, and he was only doing what he had to in order to protect his little family of delinquents and criminals. Nevertheless, you were now directly involved and it was as vexing as it was terrifying.

“But you won’t just be left in that cell to rot away. Seokjin tells me you’re smart,” he quirked an eyebrow in the direction of the man that was so painfully familiar yet a beautiful stranger. “So we’ll utilise that.”

“We’re initialising her?” Taehyung’s voice rang out, his language informal. His leader clenched his jaw but allowed that disrespect to slide, shaking his head at the question.

“No. We’re going to utilise her, is what I said. Like a tool.”

Jimin stalked forwards, taking you from Taehyung’s grip and leading you closer to Namjoon. The leader stepped towards you, and every single step that he took in your direction sent chills over your body.

This was a powerful man, and a powerful man was a man you did not want to fuck with.

“She’s pretty, admittedly,” he said, beginning to circle you not so different from the way a lion would stalk it’s prey. “I’m not sure if she’ll be effective though.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” an unfamiliar voice said, another man you had never seen before coming through a side door with an apple clutched in his head, throwing it up and down casually.

His long limbs were unnervingly graceful as he slinked across the marble floor to stand next to Namjoon, both of the men staring at you critically. Repeatedly, his apple was sent up into the air and it always returned to his grip, his fingers wrapping around it as if that was their only purpose.

Even Jimin was noticeably tense at the appearance of this man.

“Hoseok,” Namjoon said. “Could we use her as bait?”

Immediately, there was a surge of movement behind you and Seokjin had stormed up to Namjoon in a random act of defiance.

“Bait?” he spat. “You want to use her as bait?”

“Yes.” Namjoon said calmly, not affected by Seokjin’s anger.

“You’re going to put her, untrained and completely clueless, at the heart of all the danger?”

Goosebumps spread across your skin as you finally began to register Namjoon words. Bait? They were going to dress you up and throw you into the dragon’s lair for…. Whatever reason?

You were not overly fond of that idea.

“I’m sure she’ll work well enough,” Hoseok said, a sly grin spreading across his face as you averted your gaze from his. You weren’t entirely sure what it was about him that scared you so much, but everything about him unnerved you. He was difficult to read and surprisingly, the fact that you didn’t know what he was thinking was more terrifying than the gun strapped to Jimin’s hip that grazed against your arm ever so slightly as he shifted. “With a bit of training, and perhaps exercise, she’ll be just as good as all the others were.”

The past tense caused your anxiety to reach an all-time high. Your cheeks flooded with embarrassment at the comments Hoseok made, and you knew that whatever you left this room to was going to be incredibly unpleasant.

“She’s all yours then, Hoseok.” Namjoon said.

No words had ever felt more like a death sentence.

[realklimt]

25/6/18

It’s been absolutely hectic since the funeral and between hangovers and parties I haven’t had time to write. I guess given the aforementioned observation that its almost better to write about events after some time has elapsed so that they’ve had time to congeal into a narrative, that isn’t such a bad thing after all. Anyway, I’m on the train to Bristol now (going to clear out my room) and finally have some time to dedicate to getting it all down on ‘paper’ (‘pixel’?). I brought my laptop and everything, so hopefully I’m gna be able to get a pretty damn good account of things.

The influence of rereading Diary 2 weighs heavy, and inspired by the imaginative structure I employed to record my final days at school I’m going to recycle it and take you through the past few days party by party. Party, of course, I’m using very loosely, to refer first of all to:

 Party 1 – The Funeral

Paradoxical, right? I’d love to be able to say with whole hearted conviction that I’m describing Mum’s funeral as a party because it was a celebration of her life. Unfortunately I didn’t really spend that much time celebrating her, by which I mean talking about her and stuff like that. Most of the time was given over to playing host (Beth, Susan, Sheelps, Georgie, Anjie, Charlie, Alia, Soph, Edmund, Paige, Mel, Milla – u see, an awkward group in need of being comingled, I was on fire) and having a good old giggle and a chinwag with my much missed friends. I think I enjoyed it – the wake part at least – because it was just exactly what I’ve been craving to do for ages – have a drink in luxury with my mates entirely at the expense of someone else (pun – Dad’s money, Mum’s life?). Anyway, I don’t feel so guilty about it because it was a bloody good distraction and exactly what I needed, and besides, what’s the point in being sad?

I’m jumping ahead of myself a bit though because I haven’t even tried to address everything that came before the wake, you know, all the stuff in the cars and the church and that. I managed to keep upbeat and focused on looking forwards to having a drink and a chat with my friends through most of the church. I was trying, dangerously, to balance reverence with excitement, and I didn’t succeed entirely. Processing into the church on Max’s arm I spotted the Bristol kids standing over at the far end of the Church’s parking lot space and gave them a craned head grin. I think I got away with that bit but I know I didn’t get away with the poke in the ribs I gave Alia by way of greeting (I hadn’t considered she was coming, I was buzzing) because when the time came to peace-be-with-you in the middle of mass Smel refused to shake my hand, gave me one of her filthiest glares, and informed me that she couldn’t believe I had said hello to Alia and that I was disgusting. The whole thing hit a nerve, the nerve that was feeling guilty about being so upbeat at Mum’s funeral, and was probably responsible for my subsequent mellowing, and inability to hold back the tears. Moon River, violinned at the end of the Mass, completely did Dad, and it fucked me quite a lot too. But then I would have to be a proper bastard not to have cried at that.

The crem wasn’t so bad. Channah made a really nice speech. I think the thing was that I knew it would be over in 20 minutes and then the whole, sad, hard thing was at an end, and I could go get drunk with my friends. There was one totally bit, which was, like the church, right at the end. That song came on (crazy how music is always the trigger for emotion – observe) and it was that song that Dad picked, I think it’s called ‘Loving You’. Anyway its completely beautiful and utterly perfect. There’s a lyric which goes something like ‘loving you makes everyday be in spring time’ – anyway that’s the sentiment, and that sentiment is what really fucked me up. Being with Mum really was like being in one long, eternal summer holiday – there was always laughter blooming like flowers and the house was always full and in bloom and I can’t refine this metaphor now because it’s making me want to cry on the train but basically the house used to be really full with flowers and now it just feels kind of awkward and empty and it’s never going to be full to the bursting again because there’s a big ass gap where she should be.

Let’s keep it happy now. Because really, apart form those few moments, it was a good day, and I had fun. Everyone dribbled away and in the end the only people left were the family, so all the cousins and of course Maria. She was being strangely very good fun at the Wentworth and, basically completely drunk, I ended up having a good old laugh and chat with her which I carried on into the taxi home, where it morphed into some stupid declaration of ongoing affection (you know the drill –  ‘I know we’ve grown apart but the great thing is that whenever we see each other it’s exactly the same’ – all that bullshit). So we were all piled into a cab and we got home, there were like twenty or so people there what with Channah and Craig and I think Chrissy and Sean too from Dad’s friends, and of course Dad and Smell and Uncle Tony (Max still in the thick of exams so was taken home by Angie) and Me and Johnny and Maria. Started feeding myself and Maria and Smell some gin and tonics but got bored of that so asked Maria, on a bizarre whim that was obviously brewing for a while but which I fully accept was entirely inappropriate, if she’d like to do some coke. I don’t know if she felt obliged to indulge me given that it was Jackie’s funeral or if she just genuinely fancied it but she said ‘I mean, sure, if we can’t today then when can we’ and we trotted upstairs, did a key in the locked bathroom, then fell on my bed, wide eyed and high, and got very deep very fast. As always with coke I remember feeling at total liberty to say absolutely anything I fancied (ah, the perfect drug) but struggling to find the right words (at a few moments I literally exclaimed ‘damn I’m not making sense I’m too high to articulate’), and not able to remember exactly what it was I did end up saying. But the basic gist was a general outpouring of cooped up thoughts (I hadn’t had the chance to vent to anyone other than this diary for weeks). I’m not sure I brought it up or if she did but we ended up on the topic of our similarly long term boyfriends and our similar frustration and desire to ‘experience more’. That’s how I got the scoop that Maria is almost definitely going to end it with Johnny, amicably if she can, and with the potential to rediscover one another after discovering themselves. Interesting stuff, stuff I’ve since been happy to disseminate in traditionally loose lipped fashion (really should work on that) but also stuff which I can entirely identify with. More than anything I think I’m just bored with Charlie and frustrated that that isn’t sufficient motivation to end a largely happy and functional relationship. So basically what I’m getting at is that I identify a lot with her at the moment, and that since she’s stopped being obsessed with Johnny she’s sort of reverted to her old, fun self, and basically, made me very tempted to take her up on her invitation to go visit Brighton and see her art show later this week.

Once we’d ridden the high down a few earthward sloping cloud banks (or should I say ‘I’d’ – she kept insisting she wasn’t very high) it felt safe enough to venture downstairs. The party had dribbled away and it ended up being just Johnny, Maria, Channah, Craig and myself slobbing around the early hours kitchen. Channah, Johnny and I had a conversation about Grandad on the sofa in which Channah vehemently defended him against my accusations (‘selfish, arrogant’ parried with ‘he may have been an awful father but he was my Grandad and he was sick’) with Johnny riding the middle ground. That chat wound up and then it was onto the next one in the kitchen, though this felt less like a chat than the q & a with the victim of mourning everyone has been hoping for these past months. I wound up in the hotseat, the swivel stool floating ominously adrift of all other furniture in the middle of the kitchen floor (my emotional isolation…). Channah, drunk and slurring, was the luck interviewer who finally had enough dutch courage to interrogate me with a vengeance.

Accusations came veiled in sympathy and support – ‘you seem alright now but when it does hit you you know that we’re all here for you because you’re my little cousin an I love you’. I’m proud because I think that I rather eloquently externalised the internal monologue that has backing tracked the past few weeks, namely how it has already hit me and I’m okay and I’ve somehow managed to internalise it all and not get completely fucked up. I trotted out the much rehearsed soliloquy on why I don’t feel life is unfair, you know, the one with the babies that get the exact same thing and the people whose whole family get killed in bomb raids and how can I say my life is unfair when fairness is measured against the common experience of human life on this planet which tends, almost exclusively, to look beside mine comparatively shit?

Anyway, cue ‘I don’t know how you’re so strong’ and ‘you’ve made everyone so proud’, which was to be expected but still kind of nice feeling. I’m a posturer and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t partly enjoy the limelight my interview afforded me, and the insistence on my own sadness Channah wouldn’t let drop I excuse her on the grounds she was very very drunk and only trying to help. She did ask one question which I stalled at because I simply didn’t think it was a very good one, which was ‘what’s your favourite memory of your Mum?’ – I don’t know but I think that to pick one would be kind of irreverent. Anyway it struck a nerve with Maria because she had a bit to say about how inconsiderate it was during round two of our dmc in my bedroom (under the pretext of getting pyjamas). That conversation was mainly devoted to the sensation of being a circus attraction that comes with grief, which I tried my best to explain ad which Maria was, to her credit, remarkably receptive and kind about. The thing with her is that I know she has a wicked streak, and that however lovely and kind and understanding she can be, I’m always kind of doubting whether it’s all part of some elaborate ruse. If it was, then it worked on the funeral – as I said to her, ‘it’s ironic that everyone keeps trying to get me to talk to them and in the end the only person I’ve opened up to is the one who never pressured me to – you’.

For all that she claimed she was dissatisfied with Johnny, Maria still let him spoon her to sleep on the sofa. I slept on the front room floor with some pillows, and woke up a few hours later. We didn’t get to sleep until 4 am. On Thursday I was trashed.

 Party 2 – The Pool Party

The pool in question being Ella’s, the party her 21st. I guess I shouldn’t really have gone to it, given it was only two days after the funeral and Dad was very upset, but it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. It was, after all, the very consummation of all my efforts – having gotten good grades, gone to a good university, made rich friends, here I was, the ultimate symbol of social climbing – going to my rich friend’s summer house in the South downs to spend a day drinking, eating, tanning and slobbing about a pristine pool at her parent’s expense. The fact that I’m not even that good friend’s with Ella somehow made it even better. I got in by the skin of my teeth, not on the merit of personality, but social finesse – she couldn’t exclude me because I was a member of her circle, because I’d wormed my way into a house with a group of people far cooler, richer, and prettier than I would ever be. And god, I can tell you, it was literally everything I hoped it would be.

Okay so I kinda fucked up and haven’t had time/ effort to come back to this until now, which is Thursday (28/06/18, in bed, lazy morning) cos the train wasn’t long enough to get it all down and I was at work all day yesterday and Bristol turned out to be more full on than I expected but never mind. I reckon your Mum’s funeral is a pretty *momentous occasion* that deserves to hog a good few hours diary time so it’s really no surprise that parties two and three suffered as a result. In the time that’s elapsed between writing here I’ve also accumulated a fourth party to add to the proceedings, which we’ll get to in due course – but first I better polish of two and three as well as I can (the once crystal memories slip backwards into a murkier abyss).

So to give image of Ella’s pool party in sort of broad strokes: I met Georgie at Clapham where we boarded the train to Barnham, the seat of the Dunn families Sussex retreat. As planned we met Sheelps on the train with her trailing entourage of Ella’s future housemates (Kavya et al.) and, happy surprise, Steffen. The whole party was a real bonding experience, I feel, between me and Steff – he was the only one from his house and immediate circle of friends at the party (others didn’t receive an invite, news received in turn with bitterness), so he had no choice but to attach himself to G and Susan and Beth and I, and we had some good chats, established a sort of rapport. Anyway when we got to Ella’s it was all that was expected but also somehow better – I’d had a great sandstone manor house in mind, but it wa in fact more rustic and cutsie, if still sprawling, all brick and ivy and climbing roses. The whole thing felt very Period drama, what with all the walled gardens connected by hedged walkways and opening onto farmy vistas – that is, until one arrived at the pool area. Think rhombus deck chairs, think polygonal glass poolhouse structure, think ground level wicker sofas, think fire pit and flat screen TV’s: it looked like something off the Kardshian’s, or the villa out of Love Island. The latter association as naturally picked up, and indeed, our twenty four hours spent slobbing around that magnificently modern pool area felt a lot like we were playing at reality tv, hopping from sleepy chat to private gossip, lying on each-others sun warmed arms with the greatest ease and intimacy. Things really picked up when Beth and Susan arrived a few hours after us, and Georgie, Steff and I a somewhat stunted trio on our own, were able to retreat into the warm familiarity of our own established group. Probably my favourite thing about the whole party was how comfortable I felt socially. Relaxing together in our own private deckchair area, bitching about some of Ella’s more irritating friends, sneaking off to get coked up in the tipi away from Ella’s (sensitive? Prying? Judging? Idk she just don’t like drugs) eyes, and staying up when everyone else was engaging in the moronic fraternity (golden sunrise, Will Costello and Dick dancing with us, balanced outrageously on the garden wall, oasis et al classics blaring) it really felt like I’d regained what I loved so much in school, that sensation that I was a key part of a very comfortable club on which others looked in envy and thought ‘wow. I wish I had a group of friends as happy with each other as that’. I’ve never properly felt like that at Uni. Joy.

 Party 3 – BBQ

Destroyed on Saturday evening. Train home, near disaster when phone died at Egham station. Couldn’t bear the thought of Dad’s wrath (he get’s especially pissy about travelling without an phone charge), but luckily a kind Indian man in the off licence let me use his phone charger. Dream.

Sunday morning, dragged to horse show but put up with it for UJ because, well, fair. England playing Panama that afternoon so we rushed home where we were met by Frys and family (Tone, Anj, Max, John, Diva etc.) for footy and barby. Max’s friend came too and we were told to get our mates over so after the match Edmund trotted over and we sat and had some drinks in the sun. Camilla finished work at 6:30 and joined us too.

I don’t really know what more to say about party 3 except that it was great fun chatting with Edmund and Milla (Beth keeps saying that she thought all my ‘home friends’ were really fun when she met them a the funeral and it’s at time’s like party 3 that I really believe her) and that it felt a little bit empty because Mum wasn’t there. I kept seeing Dad sitting alone and worrying about him, and hearing snatches of his conversation where he said things like ‘everyday is torture’, so I buried myself in happier chats and a good few drinks and, well yeah. That’s kind of it.

 Party 4 – Cocaina Blue Lagoona

Wherein the name gives it away. Monday night in Bristol with Beth and Susan, clearing out the house. Wasn’t the same easy chats and intimacy that I’d been enjoying at Ella’s – suspect it may be something to do with the domestic I overheard Beth and Susan having just before we hit the Lagoon, something about Susan being short and sarcastic with Beth which Beth didn’t like. Interesting insight, we’ll see how that one plays out. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t quite like the idea of wedging myself in the cracks between Beth and Susan – but can you blame me? It’s tiring hanging around best friends.

Anyway, we’d done most of the packing so we hit up Blue Lagoon where, surprise surprise, Maddy was waiting. Maddy’s course friend was also there and though I can’t remember her name I actually really liked her and I thought she was a welcome addition to the party. The same can’t be said for Maddy. I mean, I really have tried to like her and I know she’s sweet really and she really is very kind and including to me but I don’t know – she’s just so loud! And so Maddy orientated. It just get’s wearing sitting in a group and every perceivable lull in conversation is filled with a new exclamation about what Maddy has been up to, which will of course dominate the conversation until she remembers something else she wanted to tell us about her day. Honestly so relieved she’s going on a bloody year abroad. If you want my opinion, she almost always makes a night worse, and seldom improves it. That’s just my honest opinion.

Anyway. Blue Lagoon wouldn’t let us have alcohol outside past 11 so we had to move inside and endure the deafening music in there. Beth snuck to the toilet and did some coke, something she only told Susan and I. After half an hour of conspiratorially waggling her eyebrows across the table at us she finally outed herself to Maddy, a declaration met not with outrage but surprise, and then the suggestion we all go back to Maddy’s for afters and get coked up. That’s kind of exactly what happened. Not much else to report. Oh yeah, except this, which future you may find funny. Maddy has this ‘party trick’ which she thinks is the nuts where she balances a can of cider on her head and like moves around. From the way she and people talk about this you’d think she’d shoved it up her ass, I mean, you should hear them go on and see the reels of photos they take. It’s not impressive, it’s boring. I was pretty coked by the time she got round to doing it so I can’t remember fully, but I hoped I yawned.

Anyway. I feel like we’re kind of up to date. Needless to say the diet has gone completely off the rails over the last week, so I’m now on a three day detox before Grace’s. Gna try go until about two or three without eating – intermittent fasting, do yo thang!

PS. You’ll notice that I’ve barely mentioned Mum, and that I don’t really sound sad. That’s the thing with distractions. But what happens is that when I’m finally alone and I’m lying in bed and I’ve turned off my phone and the noise is all gone, I suddenly realise that I haven’t thought about her in a while, and that that’s how life will be until at last I don’t think about her at all. I think that’s the saddest thing ever. How your everything can suddenly shrink to your sometimes, and then to your rarely ever at all, a footnote in your life. I don’t really know how to remedy this but I think that maybe writing about it might be a good way to start. Not to self. Less partying, more writing. Let’s not let this all go to waste.