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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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So I just got through chapter’s 51 and 52 of Attack on Titan, and one thing that stuck out to me in 51, other than Levi’s obvious, deep anger with Erwin, which I’ll talk about in a minute, was how Levi made it a point to tell Connie that he’d done a good job after coming back with Hange from investigating his village. Once again we see here Levi’s immense compassion for other people. Nobody else really thought to give Connie that encouragement, despite his obvious distress in that moment. They all were aware that Connie had lost everyone in his village, including his family, so it really demonstrates Levi’s thoughtfulness, once again, for other people and what they’re going through, that he takes the time to say just a few, kind words to Connie here.

Then of course, there’s the big exchange in this chapter between Levi and Erwin, and there’s so much going on here. But the first thing I noticed is the shift in Levi’s attitude, after he notices Erwin smiling upon hearing Hange’s theory about the Titan’s being humans. At the beginning of this scene, Levi is showing Erwin a great deal of concern for his physical state, apologizing to him for him and Pixis showing up to talk, knowing how tired he must still be, saying to Erwin that he’ll understand if he would rather him and Pixis just come back later so he can keep sleeping. Levi is giving Erwin the option here to deal with all of these new developments that they’re all dealing with later, and that offers a really insightful glimpse into the kind of respect and consideration Levi has for Erwin leading up to this point in the story.

What’s really interesting is the shift in Levi’s attitude here, after he sees Erwin smiling. Levi starts to try and ask Erwin a question, after Hange’s revelations about the Titans, and he sees Erwin smiling to himself with a glazed, distant look in his eyes, and Levi’s horror is readily apparent. He figures out almost immediately that Erwin is excited by this news, and Levi’s reaction is one of repulsion. He even tells Erwin that he’s going to make him sick. I think Levi’s reaction here is also partly fueled by his own feelings of deep dismay and horror at learning that all this time, he’s been killing other human beings. So to see Erwin seemingly HAPPY about this revelation must seem particularly grotesque to Levi in that moment, while he’s dealing with his own feelings of guilt and despair and hopelessness. Levi’s anger here is REALLY obvious, as he asks Erwin if this is the real reason he joined the Survey Corps. We see Levi’s belief in Erwin starting to erode here, in real time. Part of Levi’s anger, I think, must also stem from knowing that he’s put his faith entirely in Erwin, followed him with full belief in Erwin’s altruistic intentions, but now he has to face the possibility that his faith has been misplaced, that indeed the very REASON he joined the Corps to begin with, his faith in Erwin and his greater vision, may have been built on a lie. This coming on the heels of realizing that Titans were actually humans, and he’s dedicated himself to killing them for years. All of this leads you to really understand Levi’s controlled fury at Erwin in this scene. When Erwin gets annoyed himself at Levi and tells him to lay off of him, and asks him to show him some pity, Levi says with obvious derision that, yeah, Erwin IS pitiful. We see later in the scene Levi turn Erwin’s own words back on him, about him being mentally and physically exhausted, almost mocking Erwin with them as he reveals to him that he’s chosen to make the 104th his new squad and had Eren and Historia moved to an isolated location. Levi’s anger here is really palpable, and it demonstrates the tension I think Levi’s probably always had with Erwin and their relationship.

Levi respects Erwin immensely, and I have no doubt he’d been ready to tell Erwin about his plans for the 104th with a lot more cordiality and willingness to involve him in that decision before Erwin’s motivations became revealed to him here. But there’s always been that kind of conflict between them too, where Levi was willing to put his faith totally in Erwin’s vision, and in his ability to make the right choices, in order to advance the cause of humanity, but at the same time, felt deeply uncomfortable at times with Erwin’s methods towards achieving that goal, his willingness to sacrifice the lives of so many to that end, often resulting in the deaths of soldiers with no, substantial gain to be had. He’s deeply aware of Erwin’s ruthlessness in getting the job done (we see that awareness later in chapter 52, when he asks Hange if they should run or kill their enemies before they can strike, and says it’s just like something Erwin would do when Hange says both). It was Levi’s faith in Erwin, though, and his belief in Erwin’s purity and the righteousness of his cause, that allowed Levi to put his misgivings about Erwin’s methods aside, because he fully believed Erwin’s intentions were only to benefit humanity, and win them back their freedom someday. So seeing Erwin smiling here, and having that faith in Erwin’s intentions thrown into question, alongside the awful revelation that Titan’s are actually humans, is obviously a pretty devastating blow to Levi’s own sense of balance and place, throwing into doubt what it is he’s been fighting for all this time, whether it was even real or not. It’s like in one, fell swoop, Levi’s lost any amount of certainty in both what they’ve all been fighting for this whole time, and in the person he had put the most faith and trust in to guide them in the right direction. I’m not sure how people could miss Levi’s anger towards Erwin here, or the reasons for it. Levi is shown something in Erwin that makes him seriously doubt whether Erwin actually cares about humanity at all, or people at all. Erwin appears happy that it turned out that Titan’s were humans, and Levi has no context, no way of knowing WHY Erwin would be happy about that. He doesn’t know about his father, or the things his father told him, or how his father died. So to Levi, it must just seem like Erwin is getting some sort of sick joy out of the revelation. Again, to see something like that in the person you believed in the most, a person you admired deeply and thought of as superior to you, as holding a greater vision than you ever could, would be really, really hard. It’s like Levi’s hero letting him down in the worst way possible.

I think this should also be looked at in the context of Levi’s own experiences in life, and how that shaped his world view. Levi comes from an extremely hard, deprived background, one of extreme poverty and desperation and violence. That background, that difficult childhood, resulted in a necessary cynicism and jadedness in Levi. He knows the way the world works, knows how hard life is, and how cruel and ruthless people can be. He grew up in a world where there was no pretense, no civility or politeness to hide behind. He grew up in a world where it was kill or be killed. We see this weary understanding of how things really are later, again, in chapter 52, when Levi is explaining to Hange and the rest that they have two options, because the MP’s and those they work for aren’t going to just give up on getting their hands on Eren and Historia. He knows they’re only going to try more forcefully and violently to get what they want, because that’s the way the world works, and that’s the way people are. He also shows his worldly understanding of these sorts of things when he asks Hange how many of Nick’s fingernails they pulled, and knows that Nick likely didn’t talk because they pulled more than one. It tells us about Levi’s experience and how he’s been exposed to the darker, crueler side of humanity, more than anyone else in that room.

So Levi also understands that if they just wait around, they’ll all eventually be killed. He understands they can’t be passive here, and have to act immediately. He impresses that reality unto Hange, who’s still reeling from Nick’s death, and forces her to make a decision as to what their next move should be. He doesn’t allow her to wallow in her despair, and he does this for the sake of Eren and Historia, and all of them. Once again, we see Levi being most concerned for the greater good, ready to act however is needed to help the most people. He knows Hange is hurting, but he knows also that none of them can afford to be, as he says to her, timid. They have to move. Well, anyway, my point that I’m trying to make is that Levi’s life experience has forced him to be cynical about other people’s motivations and characters, about concepts of nobility and morality. To look at other people’s true intentions with a skeptical eye, because he grew up in a cut-throat environment, exposed to deep poverty, trauma and pain, where people no doubt would turn on you, or abandon you in a moment for nothing more than a scrap of bread. With that in mind, you have to realize that Levi’s faith in Erwin is rather remarkable. That he’s able to BELIEVE that deeply in another person, to believe in another person’s goodness, and purity of intention, given Levi’s background and the life he’s lived, is extraordinary, and really tells us so much about who Levi really is. Despite every experience in his life informing him that he should be skeptical and cynical and mistrustful of people and their intentions, despite his every experience telling him that the world is a cruel, ugly, awful place filled with loss, pain and grief, Levi still wants so much to believe in something better. To believe in purity of hearts and intentions, to believe in a higher morality and goodness. And despite all of his life experience telling him otherwise, Levi is able to believe that’s who Erwin is. A person with a higher, better moral standing, a person with a pure and true heart. He believes it all the way. So, to then have that faith, which Levi somehow held onto against all odds and reason, dashed against the rocks in a single, terrible moment of realization, would be horrible. Levi is someone who wants so much to believe there can be a better world, with better people in it. And I think Erwin represented that possibility to Levi, for a long time. And so to learn that his belief in Erwin was, perhaps, too idealistic, to have that skepticism that his life’s beaten into him affirmed, rather than rejected, must have felt like the worst kind of betrayal to Levi, and just a crushing disappointment.

Of course, Erwin later is able to prove to Levi that his faith in him wasn’t misplaced, as he lives up to the ideal Levi saw in him to begin with, with Levi’s help and encouragement. But that’s a different post altogether! When I get to that part of the manga, I’ll be positing about it as well.

Also, Hange’s own sense of horrible guilt and remorse in these chapters, both over realizing she’d been experimenting on human’s this whole time, and over Nick’s death, was an amazing parallel to Levi’s. I think the two of them share so many similar feelings and such a similar depth of feeling over everything. Always trying to do the right thing, and struggling so much with whether the choices they make are the right choices, or whether any of this is worth the sacrifices they’re forced to make.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #hange zöe #meta #thoughts

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hamliet · 3 years

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Unless a Grain of Wheat Falls and It Dies...

Or, why I am pretty optimistic about the fates of Jean, Connie, Gabi, and all titanized people this chapter, which is also an excuse for me to talk about SnK’s allusions to Russian literature.

There are strikingly parallel ideas The Brothers Karamazov and Attack on Titan, as well as parallel plot points and imagery to the point where if it isn’t deliberate, it’s uncanny. (NB: before people yell at me about comparing a Japanese and Russian work, Isayama has used Russian names since the start of SnK--Shiganshina is a Russian name.) In particular, there are narrative allusions to a portion of the novel known as “The Grand Inquisitor,” which is a short story within a novel. The central thesis of “The Grand Inquisitor” is as follows:

nothing has ever been more insupportable for a man and a human society than freedom.

This parable is told within the story by Ivan Karamazov, a character whose intellectuality is his gift and his curse. He tells his brother Alyosha that the motivation for creating this parable is precisely the evils done to children (oh look, a major SnK theme) and specifically cites an example which was unfortunately taken from real life in Russia and which Isayama has an uncanny parallel:

I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when every one suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer... If all must suffer to pay for the eternal harmony, what have children to do with it, tell me, please? ... if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their fathers' crimes, such a truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension. Some jester will say, perhaps, that the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old...

... How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? ... What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? ... I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price. ... too high a price is asked for harmony; it's beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it... It's not God that I don't accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return Him the ticket.”

The actual parable of “The Grand Inquisitor” is Ivan’s answer to Alyosha’s question about Ivan’s lines above. Ivan tells a story about how freedom is actually what dooms humanity: it is the curse. (Alyosha does not believe this.) Jesus comes back to earth and is promptly arrested, because his existence and return threaten the wellbeing of society. To be happy, one cannot be free, but one or two strong people in society should be free and bear the burden for everyone else (you can see the parallels to King Fritz/the Reisses).

Nothing is more seductive for man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering... all his life he loved humanity, and suddenly his eyes were opened, and he saw that it is no great moral blessedness to attain perfection and freedom, if at the same time one gains the conviction that millions of God's creatures have been created as a mockery, that they will never be capable of using their freedom...

This is SnK’s thesis: to be free, there will be suffering. It is part of human nature, and yet to not have it is to be lost. But SnK, despite its explorations of human darkness and monstrosity, has a higher view of humanity than does Ivan. SnK’s view is more alongside Alyosha’s, who says what is honestly the truth about not just the Reisses, but Eren now:

"Who are these keepers of the mystery who have taken some curse upon themselves for the happiness of mankind? .... It's simple lust of power, of filthy earthly gain, of domination—something like a universal serfdom with them as masters—that's all they stand for.”

Mikasa is akin to the Christ figure in the story, akin to Alyosha: Christ is constantly asked to speak, asked to act, and he does not until the very last moment, when he kisses the Grand Inquisitor on the lips. After the story is over, Alyosha then does likewise to Ivan.

Not to mention when Alyosha worries about Ivan’s mental state, he then answers with this:

“Listen, Alyosha,” Ivan began in a resolute voice, “if I am really able to care for the sticky little leaves I shall only love them, remembering you. It's enough for me that you are somewhere here, and I shan't lose my desire for life yet.”

A simple leaf can save a life. A leaf can save the world. A leaf, grown from a tree that started as a seed falling to the ground, dead, only to grow life from that death. Alyosha himself notes SnK’s central thesis of chapter 137 in the (very long) novel’s final pages:

...some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one's heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us.

There’s a lot more to this, but this is the epigraph to The Brothers Karamazov, the central thesis of the entire novel:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." -John 12:24

Suffering can grow great fruit in an individual life, and by giving something up, by even death, something beautiful can come. Through cruelty, you can find life.

This is not just a long-running theme in SnK, but a pattern in its plot. Often those who surrender then receive exactly what they had surrendered (but admittedly, not always, like Erwin).

Mikasa accepted Eren’s loss, and got him back.

Mikasa let Armin go, and got him back.

Falco gave up hope of survival, and got another chance:

Hange was going to die alone, feeling guilty for having failed her comrades, but saw everyone again, and they told her well done:

Historia gave up being free, but now we know she will be.

Levi gave up on his revenge, and then got it. Annie thought she would never see her dad again, but she did. For Mikasa, accepting that she has to kill the boy she loves coincides not just with her acceptance of her love, but with the acceptance and knowledge that he loves her:

It always comes with sacrifice, increasingly hard sacrifice, but usually the seeds that are dropped grow and bloom.

This chapter, everyone surrendered their hearts. They let their dreams fall to the ground, and I honestly think the story will allow it to plant life. Yes, the world as a whole is saved and that is enough to make thematic sense, but it works even better if the very people who were titanized this chapter also bloom again. They chose to trust Mikasa, Levi, Falco, and Pieck to finish the task.

The characters giving up their lives only to get them back make sense, and give Mikasa’s sacrifice of Eren. For Mikasa, Eren was her world, and she gave it up when she had lost everyone else. She had nothing left, and she still did it. I would hope she’d be narratively rewarded beyond just the world being saved, because Mikasa has always been motivated by her personal relationships.

Moving on from Mikasa: Connie’s mom has been kept alive and the concept of turning mindless titans back to humans was already brought up specifically in relation to her:

Connie giving up on his mother a dozenish chapters ago only to get her back now--not through sacrificing a child, but through saving the entire world--would fit the themes and patterns of SnK.

Thirdly, Gabi should not die. She’s Eren with positive development, and cannot meet the same end. Even people who are skeptical of every titan being saved seem to agree that she’ll be fine. It’s possible she’s the only one saved, but imo, not likely.

See, the only shifter characters who are going to have the option of self-sacrifice are Falco and maaaaaybe Armin. The others look like they’re about to die right here and now, never mind choosing someone to save: the mindless titans are ripping at their napes. Armin also looks to be in bad shape.

Yet Armin cannot narratively commit suicide; two chapters ago he was still screaming at himself for being useless and thinking he would be better off dead. He’s already tried the heroic sacrifice, too, so why would it work this time around? It does not work for his arc. Falco dying for Gabi was the plan without any freedom from the titan curse; it’s more powerful if ending the curse changes things, rather than forcing him to make the same choice that Reiner has always been trying to make: a heroic suicide. It could happen; it’s just not as narratively strong.

As for whether the worldbuilding rules, we know that mindless titans are not truly dead nor entirely mindless; they just don’t have freedom. Ymir’s case of getting herself back after decades shows that they aren’t quite dead or absorbed. They still have consciousness that can be awoken; Ymir described it as being in a long “nightmare.” Dina still went looking for Grisha. Connie’s mom remembered and recognized Connie, telling him “welcome home.” There is plenty of evidence that there are parts of these people that are still in there even if they are forced to become monsters (oh hey, it’s an Eren parallel; he was conscious of it and had choices while mindless titans do not, but the parallel remains).

#snk 138 #snk meta #aot 138 #aot meta #mikasa ackerman #eremika #eren jaeger #armin arlert #the brothers karamazov #gabi braun #connie springer #jean kirchstein #ymir #falco grice #galco #reiner braun #annie leonhart #levi ackerman #historia reiss

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

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a little something for @bruciesnat :) i know i've promised it like a lifetime ago, sorry for the delay! oh, and i decided to combine it with a prompt i also received a long while ago <3

Mike doesn't know why he's doing this. Doesn't understand how he agreed to it, can't comprehend why Erwin would make him do it. Mike doesn't know what he had done to deserve this- this punishment.

He's- he's a good man. An honest one. He serves to ensure the future of humanity, he risks his life to give others a better one.

He's good at it too, he's excellent at fighting and slashing and scouting. He was the best one at it, before- before the annoying midget came.

The same annoying midget, who is insanely strong and easily irritated. The same annoying midget, who has a crush on their adorable Hange. Hange, who Mike has to seduce to test Erwin's theory that Levi, insanely strong, easily irritated Levi, truly has a crush on their Hange.

Mike swallows heavily as he sits next to Hange, just a little too close as Erwin instructed. He smells that it won't end well.

He cringes, as he puts his arm around her shoulders.

Mike likes Hange, a lot actually. Sometimes he feels like they're siblings that were torn apart by some bigger entity. So yeah, he likes Hange. But definitely not like that.

But, oh well, anything for the cause, right?

"Hey, Hans," he murmurs, adopting his most seducting tone. He hopes that his smile is charming enough to captivate their dear scientist. "Are you free tonight? I have two tickets to the theater perfomance," he leans in closer, lowering his voice to what could probably (Mike is an eternal optimist!) be called an enticing whisper. "They're showing the creation of the the Walls tonight."

Somewhere on his periphery, Mike can see a swift dark shadow that oozes the smell of detergent. That shadow, it grows closer, its aura becoming more menacing.

Mike can only hope that if Levi attempts to kill him, Erwin would intervene.

Although... knowing Erwin, he'd just write Mike's death off as a necessary sacrifice.

He takes his hand off Hange. The shadow retreats a few steps back.

"Sorry, Mike," Hange shrugs with a small, apologizing smile. "I showed that play to Levi a few weeks ago. I had my fill of religious propaganda for now. But if you're looking for someone to accompany you," she winks and turns around. Mike's heart sinks. "Levi really liked going to the theatre! He'll be happy to tag along, right, Levi?"

Mike meets Levi's eyes, and sees nothing but desire for murder inside.

Mike quickly scrambles to his feet. "You know, I'll just ask Gelgar to go with me. I'm sure he doesn't have anything better to do."

And they can get wasted afterwards. Mike really needs that after this conversation.

Just as he retreats, Levi takes his place, sitting down next to Hange, also just a little too close.

The mission had failed spectacularly, but, Mike consoles himself, at least he learned that Hange and Levi went to theatre together. And sometimes intel is more important than the victory, right?

Ah, if only Erwin would share his opinion on that.

***

Erwin's second attempt is even worse than the first one, but, at least, this time it doesn't directly involve Mike. Still, he's an unwilling spectator to it, and, just as the last time, he doesn't like where all of this is going.

He already feels bad for the poor guy Erwin hired to hit on Hange during the annual military ball. Where did Erwin get the money - did he take them from the Corps' funds or his own allowance, Mike doesn't know, and, frankly, he isn't sure which option is more disturbing.

At least, the actor is handsome, Mike doesn't know if Hange would like him, he doesn't know if she has a type, and if she does, he hopes it's not annoying midgets, but the guy is handsome, there is no denying that.

Hange has cleaned up fairly well too, the white suit looks excellent on her, bringing out all of her best assets, demonstrating her wide hips and lean, long legs. The hair, gathered in a neat bun, shows her long, gorgeous neck, and the light make-up make her even more gorgeous than usual.

When she and Erwin walked through the front door - him in his blue suit and Hange in her white, symbolising their Wings of Freedom, everyone had their breath taken away.

Even Mike was a little shocked to see Hange dressed up like this, and Levi, who stood right next to him, was completely blown away, staring at Hange with wide-eyed, lovestruck look.

Thanks to Levi's ridiculous expression, Mike now understands why Erwin goes to such length to bring their resident weirdos together. It is delightful to watch Levi behave like that, and Mike longs to see more of this side of him.

Soon after Hange and Erwin make their grand entrance, their guy makes the first move.

He approaches Hange, his eyes bright and smile so charming it makes Mike envious that Hange is at the receiving end of it. He kisses her hand, whispers something in her ear.

"He praises her recent experiment. I thought it was a good place to start," Erwin explains quietly to him.

"Ah," Mike nods. So Erwin thought every detail through? Not surprising at all. "Think this would have an effect on Levi?"

"It already does," Erwin says, pointing to a furious cloud of black hair and suit that is approaching them at a rapid speed.

"Has four-eyes lost all shame?" Levi practically growls, his eyes throwing flames. "Is she seriously flirting with a fucker from the MP?"

"He's not a soldier," Mike answers, reciting a legend Erwin created. "He's actually a wealthy merchant from the South. Heard he sells apples to the King himself."

"And since when Hange is interested in someone like him," Levi crosses hands on his chest, his glare turning even darker, as Erwin's actor takes Hange by the hand and leads her to the dance floor.

"You know, you can ask Hange to a dance," Erwin advices with a pleased smile. "Then she won't be able to flirt with others."

Levi scoffs. "I would rather fight a horde of titans than dance with stinky four-eyes."

Maria, Rose and Sina, Mike thinks. They're worse than children.

"Hange has taken a bath before coming here," he tells Levi.

Levi rolls his eyes. "And now she looks even more awful than usual."

Mike shares a look with Erwin. Does Levi prefer usual Hange, when she doesn't bath for days and her eyes water from the lack of sleep? It almost sounds cute.

"This is the last time I'm attending this shitty ball," Levi swears to Erwin. "Even wine here is shitty."

He marches away immediately after that, heading to the table with wine. Mike can barely stop his laughter, as he watches Levi take a glass of wine, drink a few large gulps of it, and then wince, his mouth moving as he probably murmurs violent curses. He doesn't take his eyes off Hange and her dance partner, and relaxes only when the song ends.

Both Mike and Erwin watch intently as the actor kisses Hange's hand once again. Hange blushes, and Mike almost coos. Levi grabs another glass of wine.

When the actor starts leading Hange away, in the direction of the balcony, Levi starts moving too. He intercepts them just at the edge of the ballroom.

Mike knows he should have expected something like that, knows that Levi doesn't exactly possess the best of manners, but pouring wine over someone? Over his own colleague and friend? Mike certainly didn't expect that.

He's delighted to see what happens next, though.

What happens is that Hange's gorgeous white suit is ruined and Levi wraps his hand around her wrist and drags her to the bathroom. He sports a unusually pleased expression and Hange is laughing herself silly.

Not a bad ending to this endeavor, Mike thinks.

"Another disaster," Erwin sighs.

***

Third time is a charm, or so Mike hopes.

This time Erwin decides to take matter in his hands, and that another sign that this plan will succeed.

The plan is simple, yet, hopefully, effective. Erwin is to whisk Hange away to some remote location, create a scene that would look like a moment between lovers, and Mike is to call Levi there and make sure he witnesses it all.

Erwin is a brave man, Mike thinks, as his Commander explains the plan to him. He would never dare to do something like that to humanity's strongest. To awaken his jealous streak... Mike is glad he's not in Erwin's place.

One sunny afternoon, the plan is set in motion. Erwin takes Hange, and Mike goes to find Levi.

He finds him fairly quickly, in the middle of cleaning Hange's room. Man, he could at least try to make his crush be less discreet. But that's beside the point now, because Levi is cleaning Hange's room and not watching Erwin and Hange. Mike confidently strides up to him.

"Levi! I've just been looking for you."

"What do you need?" he asks boringly. "And have you seen four-eyes? I can't find her all day."

Erwin prepared some legend, a reason why Mike needs Levi, but in the heat of the moment, Mike can't remember a single word. So he just yells "Come with me!" and hope that Levi follows.

Thankfully, he does.

Mike leads him to the stables, where Erwin is already at it. His palm is on the wall, next to Hange's head, and from Mike's point of view, it certainly looks like they're in the middle of... something naughty.

Next to him, Levi tenses, and Mike can practically hear his teeth grinding.

Mike prepares for something very ugly, but then...

"I- I didn't know that Erwin and four-eyes-" oh, fuck, it sounds like Levi is genuinely sad, like he's heartbroken or something. Mike feels a strange desire to hug the little guy and pat his head. But then he remembers that he and Erwin are the reason for Levi's distress right now, and... remorse starts kicking in.

"Levi, listen, it's not-"

"Levi!"

As always, Hange is the one to save the day.

She breaks free from Erwin and sprints to Levi, a wide smile on her face. "You won't believe what Erwin had just told me! He gave me permission to go in the town's library and bring back all the books I want! I'm in dire need of your muscles, humanity's strongest, you'll go with me, right?"

Levi still seems grouchy, but under Hange's sunny grin, his angry facade crumbles. "I don't know if Commander will allow it..."

He doesn't even try to hide his bitterness and irration. Mike disguises his chuckle as a coughing fit.

"Erwin!" Hange turns to him, eyes pleading. "Can Levi go with me?"

"Sure," Erwin nods. "Take all the time you need."

Hange yells in triumph, loud enough to make Mike wince. She grabs Levi by the hand and drags him away. Erwin watches them with a wistful smile.

"I don't think we should get involved in their relationships," Mike says, as he approaches Erwin. He stands close to his Commander, their shoulders pressing against each other. "We should let them figure it out themselves."

"Agreed," Erwin says. "I'm sure they'll manage well enough even without us."

Mike watches Hange wrap her arm around Levi, and is inclined to agree. They will certainly manage without them both.

Or, at least, Hange is able to manage.

And that should be enough.

#levihan

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 3 years

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What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.

Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛

Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.

That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.

I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.

I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.

But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.

Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:

I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao

[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]

Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:

The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”

One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.

[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]

While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)

In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:

Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”

Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”

[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]

Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”

There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.

At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.

And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.

Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”

Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”

This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.

And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion.

He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.

I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress.

I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)

[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]

Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.

I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”

Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.

I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.

So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.

I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).

Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.

He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.

Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.

This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.

Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?

That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life.

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meta #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp leo #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp comte #can you tell i think too hard about these things kjhdglshf #sorry this reply took me a little longer than i meant to--but i really did want to do the topic proper justice!!#leonardo is such a dear person to me and I can't help but sympathize #people are free to disagree with this but it's just how i feel about the topic #the more i see about him in event stories--the sense this his trembling heart is slowly easing--the less i can believe such things matter #to him all that much tbh #i also think the event where he loses her is just all the more telling too?#i feel like if it really was a matter of principle and not love he would have just accepted it #humans have a v short lifespan--what can be done #sort of reaction #but that's not how he reacted at all: he was a man beside himself with dread and sadness #and even when he meets her reincarnation he can't help but want to be with her again #iirc he starts shaking at the slightest mention of when she died--and shows a lot less ability to resist the urge to turn her #so anywho brief summation is that i think this is more about so many sad boy hours and fear of widespread immortal megalomania #than it is abt hatred for immortality #he has no confidence good things can last without being warped--and that's the key issue here #'nothing gold can stay'#long post #rambles #not incorrect quotes #if you manage to read this without falling asleep i applaud you ajkhldghkfjsdg #thanks for the ask tho--i love any excuse to yell abt leo <333

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rainbowmoonstonestories · 7 months

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Why The Caged Bird Sings | Chapter 1

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: One Piece (Liveaction) Rating: Explicit Relationships Vinsmoke Sanji x F!Reader Characters: Vinsmoke Sanji, Patty, Red Leg Zeff, Original Characters, Strawhat crew. Warnings: 18+ content (minors DNI), explicit sexual content, minor POV switching. Summary: One night, you were brought to the luxurious Baratie Restaurant Ship, renowned for its exceptional cuisine that your family had been intrigued to sample. A particular blond and comely waiter captured your attention with his charming smile and gentle eyes, but while your beauty and sophistication intrigued him, Sanji also observed the profound nervousness that caused your jaw and body muscles to tense whenever your fiancé made contact with your hand or your parents delivered a humiliating criticism towards you. One dinner at the Baratie soon turned into a recurring event, and then more. As your friendship with Sanji slowly evolved into something that burned from within, you strove to make your longstanding dream come true; freeing yourself from a constricting existence. -------------------------- As Sanji looked at you curiously, the gentle smile never leaving his face, you asked him, "Do you know why the caged bird sings?" He thought about it for a moment before answering, "Because it has a song to give?" You chuckled at his response and shook your head. "You're not entirely wrong, but no."

Divider by firefly-graphics

Warning: Minor emotional abuse included.

One might assume that growing up surrounded by wealth and luxury makes someone the luckiest person alive. Having seen the struggles and sacrifices of the poor in society, you could confirm that this assumption was not entirely false. Since Gold Roger's announcement about the One Piece, a legendary treasure that no one had found for 22 years, piracy had become rampant. You lived in an era where gold and status held more importance than anything else, even family itself.

You witnessed an increase in deceptions and subterfuge, whether it was on the open sea or within your own household. Your father was a successful entrepreneur with a modest number of valuable connections, both in the private sector and among Marine colonels and various associates. It was extremely important for you to follow his protocol and ensure that everything was accomplished in a way that upheld your family's reputation.

Unfortunately, this also meant agreeing to a forced engagement with one of the admirals' son, regardless of what your heart desired.

It could have been so simple, really. A firm and confident "no" was to be expected from you, as you never wanted to marry for benefits, but only for love. And yet, throughout your entire life, you struggled to find the courage to go against what everyone wanted you to do. As a natural people-pleaser who didn't like disappointing those around, you grew up surrounded by cruelty, opportunism, and a severe lack of affection.

You were trained to be nice and condescending, having to wear a fake smile at all times, and when necessary, even put your cleavage on display with the nicest dresses in your wardrobe. Or, to describe it more accurately, your mother's wardrobe.

Your parents barred you from selecting the garments that you would be most comfortable in. You harbored a preference for a more casual look, which consisted of shirts and fitting pants, leather jackets, and boots. Nevertheless, in accordance with their view, such clothes did not suit a lady of your importance. Consequently, you had to store your own funds separately, and keep the non-compliant outfits inside a concealed wooden box.

Occasionally, you were able to experience a sliver of freedom with your best and only friends from your hometown, conjuring up plausible alibi while avoiding arousing any suspicions. They were the only ones who addressed you with kind and considerate words, openly expressing their views that opposed your constant acceptance without putting up a fight.

You knew they were perfectly correct in their statements, yet you were unable to ascertain the missing drive and find that spark within you; the strength you had tried to put into good use whenever your parents confined you to your room for several days, with the bare minimum food intake as a method of teaching you a lesson concerning the specific expectations that they wanted from the good and well-mannered girl whom they attempted to nurture.

You had no voice left in your throat to scream, alongside possessing a minimal amount of stamina to retaliate and advocate for yourself amid the continued degradation that you had to face on a consistent basis.

You thoroughly despised your cowardice. You dreamed of an existence where you could stand up for yourself, fighting for what you wanted with full determination and fervor. And yet, that day still felt so far away, as you were constrained to attend one business dinner after another, whether with your parents present or by yourself.

They wanted a doll, so you acted like one.

You didn't know yet, but everything was about to change significantly and unexpectedly on that fateful night.

There was a particular location known as the Baratie Restaurant Ship that served the most high-class and succulent dishes in the entirety of the East Blue. Your parents expressed considerable enthusiasm towards dining at this establishment and subsequently extended an invitation to your father's closest admiral associate, along with your presumed fiancé. As a result, you were summoned to attend the gathering without any possibility of evasion.

Your friends advised you to feign illness and make a covert escape from your home as soon as the ship set sail, but you were exceedingly familiar with your parents' modus operandi better than anyone else. You discerned that they would have surely transported you with them even if you were physically disabled, so you chose your mother's favorite dress for the occasion, applied your makeup, and selected the kind of uncomfortable shoes that you disliked wearing while standing due to their tight fit and high heels.

As soon as you arrived at the docks, the aroma of cooked meat, grilled fish, and baked potatoes filled the air. Upon entering the restaurant, a soothing melody immediately greeted your ears. While your parents spoke with the fishman at the entrance about their reservation, you took in the upscale setting. Admiring the ambiance, you appreciated the cozy atmosphere with dim lights lending a romantic vibe that made it the perfect spot for a genuine couple.

Christopher, your supposed fiancé, touched your back in an unpleasant manner as he analyzed every patron in the establishment with a visible expression of disdain.

"I'm sure some of these people are filthy pirates," he sneered. "I hope the food is as good as they say.”

With a forced smile on your face, you nonchalantly stepped away from his hold. "You can't exactly choose the customers, Chris," you said pointedly, hoping to discourage any further negativity.

The man seemed unfazed by your rejection and proceeded to walk down the stairs. Your parents followed suit, escorted to your designated location for the evening with the admiral following in tow. His usual grin was plastered on his face, and he strode past you as you stood frozen, not saying a word.

You took deep breaths in an attempt to calm your frazzled emotions, but your heart continued to hammer in your chest with a loud, pounding rhythm.

"Come on, Y/N, you can do it. Just a couple of hours, you'll survive this," you whispered to yourself, trying to muster up some courage and push through the discomfort.

You swallowed the lump that had surfaced in your throat and then joined the group near the center area of the restaurant, waiting for the others to take their seat on the long couch made of high quality leather.

Despite Sanji's best efforts, Zeff once again belittled and ignored one of his delicious meals, causing him to be relegated to the lowly role of a waiter. As he hurriedly wiped down a table, clearing it of the empty plates and keeping the growing pile on his left hand, Sanji's gaze casually shifted to the group of people that had just arrived at the Baratie. He abruptly turned around for a moment when he caught a glimpse of you, utterly entranced by your beauty and the elegant movement of tucking a hair strand behind your ear as you took in your surroundings.

Sanji found himself staring at you longer than he intended to, his lips curving into a wide smile the moment you settled onto the couch and subtly adjusted the fabric of your dress to conceal your thighs. Amidst the vibrant conversation that occupied the others, you remained quiet and reserved, lightly tugging at the corner of your lips as you tried to blend in.

Even though they all engaged in lively chatter, you showed no special interest in the topic of discussion, drifting away and briefly meeting Sanji's eyes in a quick glance of contact.

To Sanji's displeasure, the man sitting near you attempted to capture your attention by holding the menu in front of you. You redirected your focus to carefully inspect the list, and Sanji was left standing there, one hand tucked in his pocket, watching as your lips pressed together in concentration.

Amongst the multitude of female patrons present that night, you stood out as the most mesmerizing for reasons that he struggled to put into words. Sanji hastily gathered the remaining clutter, taking it to the kitchen before fixing his jacket and tidying up his hair to make it look as neat as possible.

Clearing his throat, he stepped back into the dining hall, walking towards your table with long and confident strides.

Christopher wasted no time in adopting an uncouth position that led to his leg frequently brushing against yours on the couch. Luckily, you were seated at the edge of the furniture piece, providing you with a convenient escape route if needed.

Your attention was successfully diverted from your tense predicament by the sound of footsteps approaching your table. When you raised your head once more, you saw the blond waiter that you had noticed earlier halting in front of your group with an elegant stance.

As you viewed him from a distance, you couldn't tell whether his radiant grin was intended for you or someone else. But as the two of you now came face-to-face, you couldn't help but notice how handsome he looked from up close.

You felt yourself growing flushed under his intense gaze, his beaming smile making you feel as if he were peering right into your soul in a way you were not particularly used to.

“Welcome to our Restaurant, my name is Sanji. What can I bring for you?”

The sharp switch between his pleasant demeanor and mild frustration whenever the men made their statements about what to drink or eat was quite amusing, but it was difficult to ignore the fluttering sensation in your stomach when he turned his attention towards you again, with the same radiant smile from before. “Madam?”

It took you a moment to respond, as you were unable to process the suitable thing to say. "I'll have whatever is best on the menu. Surprise me.”

His grin increased in size to the point where you were able to witness his exquisite set of gleaming white teeth. "And what would you like to drink?”

Just as you were about to respond to his question, your mother intervened and answered on your behalf. "She enjoys fine wine, just like her fiancé. Could we have an esteemed bottle?”

If your eyes were able to hurlin daggers, the intensity of your glare would have been enough to pierce her head on the spot. For the first time, you felt the powerful urge to rebel against her declaration, as you had always known that retaliation is most appropriate when served ice-cold.

You turned back to the man named Sanji, offering a big smile in return. "Actually, I would prefer water. With ice, thank you.”

“Cubed or crushed?”

“Cubed is fine.”

It appeared that everyone was simultaneously startled and speechless because of the bold pronouncement you had made, which provided you with intense satisfaction as you continued to keep up your firm countenance.

Sanji took a small pause, observing the tense atmosphere that had materialized in the air and moving his gaze back and forth. Upon perceiving how determined you were about your order, he nodded and walked away from your table area. “Coming right up.”

You became aware that Sanji had neglected to note everyone else's orders. However, you presumed that due to the restaurant's renowned reputation, he was competent enough to recall them without any major problems.

In the meantime, your mother nervously clenched her hands, seemingly ready to voice her complaint to you.

And so, she did.

"What was that?" she asked you.

"Nothing," you said, trying to appear oblivious. "What’s the matter, mom? I can't even decide what I want to drink?”

"I thought you preferred wine, just like Christopher.”

You raised your shoulders in a dismissive gesture and remarked, "See, that's how little you know about your own daughter.”

Your father, who had maintained a disturbing calmness up until this point, sternly uttered your name. Given the vibrations in his voice and his expression that exuded a certain level of seriousness, it was apparent that he was about to give one of his reproaching speeches.

“You are crossing a line here,” he warned you in a forceful tone. "I won't accept any form of disrespect tonight.”

Maybe you didn't want to seem weak and easily influenced in front of that attractive waiter, but the threshold of tolerance was likely about to overflow.

"Disrespectful? How is ordering water instead of wine considered disrespectful?”

In the past few years, your father had managed to keep you obedient through his strict upbringing, making you timid and condescending out of fear of the consequences. Memories of his controlling treatment during your childhood were still fresh in your mind, and even if his presence continued to make you feel uncomfortable and restricted, on this particular evening you had a distinct feeling.

And he didn’t like your newfound attitude of independence.

"You will not speak to me like that, especially not in front of our guests.”

Admiral Joseph Wheeler crossed his arms in front of his chest and displayed a facial expression that indicated amusement and nonchalance. “Oh no, don’t mind us.”

You rolled your eyes and reacted with evident disdain."I can’t believe we’re arguing over a drink. I said I wanted water, and I don’t see why you have to treat it like front-page news scandal.”

As the conversation continued, your father's anger seemed to intensify, and you couldn't help but enjoy watching the scene unfold.

"Well, I thought you preferred wine too," Christopher said. "That's what you told me.”

“No, that’s what they told you to please you. I never did.”

“Y/N.”

You felt your stress and tension levels starting to creep on you, and dinner hadn't even begun yet. For a brief moment, you locked eyes with your father and held his firm gaze with your own fierce expression, all while tightly gripping the tabletop with your fists, careful not to rip it.

Admiral Wheeler, on the other hand, suddenly burst into hearty laughter and repeatedly patted your father on the shoulder as a sign of approval. "Would you look at that, your daughter has got some bite!”

You were unable to decipher the true meaning behind his remark. It was unclear whether it was intended as a compliment or as a way to ridicule and diminish you even further.

At the very least, your father appeared noticeably relieved to see Admiral Wheeler entertaining himself. "She must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

Your heart began to race as you heard these words. They always made it their personal mission to outsmart and defeat you in various ways. Did your family really see you as that insignificant, only good for their schemes and to be discarded once they no longer needed you? Did they hope to entrust you to Christopher, just to finally be rid of your presence in their home while solidifying their partnership with the admiral?

You suppressed the emotion of sorrow that loomed within your eyes, managing to push the tears back by promptly blinking a few times.

Sanji the waiter returned after a brief moment, carrying a tray that held beverages and empty glasses. You were the first to be served, as he took his time to pour you some water before affably filling your glass with a few glistening ice cubes. The bright smile he displayed proved to be infectious, causing your entire body to relax simply through looking at his face.

Following standard etiquette, your mother was the second to receive her drink. Despite his cordialness and compliments towards the woman, causing her to turn red and giggle in delight, he utilized a noticeably different approach as he filled the remaining beverages. Christopher, who clearly doubted Sanji's intentions, scrutinized him with suspicion, and you could tell that the waiter, in turn, was conducting a similar examination of the man seated next to you.

Sanji's change in behavior was impressively smooth and appealing, as he diverted his attention back to you, flashing another wide grin and producing a beautiful snowy flower from the inner pouch of his jacket.

"For you, madam," he said, presenting a white tulip to you.

You were rendered utterly speechless and astounded, as you stared alternatingly between the flower and his eyes.

"For me...?" you asked in disbelief, hesitantly taking the stem and brushing his fingers in the process.

“Something beautiful for someone beautiful.”

His voice, accent, golden strands of hair falling over his left eye, and the consistent smiles he gave you with his hands placed inside his pockets made your legs feel abnormally weak. Although you were not unfamiliar with men demonstrating flirtatious conduct in your presence, Sanji was able to present himself in a pleasant manner using the right approach.

For a brief moment, you pondered the possibility that Sanji's small, kind act stemmed from recognizing your uneasiness. Your rapid assessment of the dining hall revealed that none of the other female customers had received a flower, either holding it in their hands or having it placed on the tabletop.

And so, mimicking his smile, you accepted his gift. "Thank you so much. That's very nice of you.”

Unfortunately, the calm within your mind was ultimately destroyed when Christopher grasped your left hand. He proceeded to delicately entwine his fingers with yours and moved closer to you on the couch as a form of ostentation.

"Yes, well. Aren't you supposed to wait on other tables and bring our orders, Sanbey?”

The blond maintained his cool, politely diverting his head towards your fiancé. His mouth formed a narrow line, and his eyes transformed to a darker color. “It’s Sanji.”

Chris grunted. "Whatever. Now get lost.”

A wave of bitterness and loathing flooded over you, to the point where you perceived an acidic flavor at the back of your tongue. Gradually, you removed your hand from Christopher’s grasp and subtly slid further onto the cushion in order to escape his hold.

Before Sanji could leave, you leaned over and gently reached for his elbow, not actually making physical contact with it, but just using a feather-like touch. "Please don't mind him. Your service is greatly appreciated," you said.

"Beautiful and sweet. Thank you, madam, I'll be back with your orders.”

Concealing the pang in your heart when you watched him stepping away required a moderate amount of effort. Sanji's flirty mannerism could potentially be a facade, developed specifically for marketing the restaurant and gain potential returning customers. Nevertheless, you discerned that his persona was wholly authentic, as the glistening glimmer in his eyes provided evidence of his genuine attraction towards females.

As you sank down into your thoughts, you held onto the flower with your thumb and forefinger, inhaling its delicate, soothing aroma. For a moment, you even forgot that you were sitting among other people. When you remembered, an uncomfortable silence fell over the table.

"Did you really enjoy that?" Christopher asked, forming fists with a visible sign of distress.

“I do like the flower, if that’s what you mean,” you replied.

"Oh, so now you're going to accept flowers from the first dandy stranger?”

You had to contain the deep sigh that you wanted to let out. "You're being ridiculous now, he works here.”

"Yes, and you didn't even try to reject his advances.”

Normally, you would drop the argument before it could escalate, striving to behave like a scoundrel solely to appease his anger and convince him that there was no reason for concern. However, this time something snapped inside you, and you made a decision that you were not going to back down.

"Well, maybe you should start looking at yourself in the mirror for once.”

An unexpected blow on the table caused everyone present to jump at the sudden gesture, to the point where even the people sitting a few feet away fell silent. Your father was livid, glaring at you in a manner that showed his sheer desire to incinerate you with only the power of his mind.

“Apologize immediatly,” he growled at you.

Once again, you were almost tempted to do as he said, but you forced yourself to keep staring back without reacting.

Admiral Wheeler sneered again. "She's not entirely wrong, son. I keep telling you to style your hair differently. You look like a mop.”

"Hey! Whose side are you on?!”

Your father reacted with great indignation, displaying a flushed face due to the embarrassment he had just experienced. Your mother, who had remained quiet until that point, finally sat up straight on the couch and spoke. "No Joseph, my husband is right. I can see the wit and charm of that waiter, but she shouldn't flirt around with other men when her fiancé is right next to her. I would expect such behavior from a low-class prostitute.”

If your blood could flow any faster, it's possible that you would spontaneously combust.

"First, you complain about my drinking choices, and now I'm criticized for accepting a souvenir?”

She clicked her tongue. "Your lack of consideration for Chris is appalling.”

In your peripheral view, you saw the man in question acknowledging your mother's declaration with a subdued nod. All you longed for was to violently upend the table and make your escape, stealing the vessel in which you arrived and forcing them to return to their abode by virtue of swimming.

Unfortunately, you were cognizant of your limits, and you simply didn't have it in you at this time.

In the end, knowing that a further discussion would be of no use, you reluctantly decided to tolerate their judgment while grinding your teeth and clenching your jaw tightly.

There did not seem to be any viable means of extricating yourself from such an unwanted reunion anyway.

Sanji knew that Zeff had barred him from the kitchen for his creative initiative with off-menu dishes, yet upon noticing the sorrow and anguish on your angelic visage, he felt a powerful impulse to personally cook for you. After all, you requested the best they had to serve, and there was no one who possessed the skill necessary to fulfill your exacting taste aside from him.

Sanji wanted to make you smile. It was his personal mission to delight the women who strolled into their restaurant, but with you, a distinctive motivation operated his dexterity with ease, driving all his actions behind the stove.

Sanji didn't know you, and it was already established that he lacked the will to resist an appealing lady whenever he saw one. But even though you were unfamiliar to him, you possessed your own unique vigor that seemed to fascinate him more than anyone else in the entire restaurant. Additionally, he could still perceive your delicate touch upon his forearm, causing his skin to tingle beneath the fabric of his rolled-up sleeve.

Patty had attempted to persuade him, fully aware of the excessive fury the Chef was prone to display upon discovering his colleague was cooking things that he never approved. Nevertheless, Sanji refused to listen, stubbornly cutting the fillet of cod into flawless square shapes, boiling the rice, and adorning your dish with the appropriate amount of seasoning.

As the best cook in all of East Blue, Sanji didn't just desire to produce food that was delectable to the palate. He wanted his creations to appeal to someone's soul, seeking to connect with their innermost sentiments and touch the deepest aspects of their heart.

Sanji wished to refrain from interfering, but it was straightforward for him to notice that you were unhappy and very uncomfortable in the presence of your handsy boyfriend. Frankly, no one else at the table seemed to possess a particularly considerate attitude towards you. You resembled the most unblemished bloom, a creature who could imbue an entire room with radiance. It was unbearable for him to see you afflicted.

The moment Zeff returned to the kitchen, Patty surreptitiously departed to the storage area. The food for your group was completed and ready to be served, although the man did not refrain from offering a plethora of critiques for Sanji’s work for your order. However, the young man swiftly put his jacket back on and retrieved the dishes while displaying an exuberant expression, leaving Zeff behind rolling his eyes at the sous chef for his constant inflexibility.

Over the next few minutes, you refrained from speaking while your parents discussed trivial matters with Joseph and Christopher, addressing topics that simply failed to engage you being related to their business. The flower had been placed on the tabletop and in front of your glass, which you incessantly observed for its beauty, grazing at the velvety petals with your fingertips. Your eyes then became transfixed on the ice cubes as they cracked and dissolved into the water, emitting a vivid rainbow-like reflection on your skin.

You mentally thanked the Divine and quietly breathed a sigh of relief when Sanji reappeared. He was holding two large trays filled with all of your meals, which were smoking hot and exuded a heavenly scent from their plates.

Just like before, you were the first to be promptly served in a chivalrous manner. Sanji set a bowl of rice before you, and just by taking a look at it, you could immediatly notice that it was a genuine work of art. The white grains were embellished with vibrant pieces of codfish, minced spinach, intermingled cherry tomatoes, and basil leaves. It was something refined, yet also simple enough for your taste. The chef who prepared the dish for you crafted it with clear passion and consideration for the ingredients.

"I have the most delicious pot of cod and rice for you, madam. A house specialty.”

The wink he gave you when you exchanged yet another glance with him struck you in the gut, but in order to prevent a third argument from erupting, you responded with a small, tight smile.

"A Bouillabaisse for the lady," he continued, extending a plate of fish soup to your mother. "And for our fine gentlemen, a boulette, bifstek, and Dress Shrimp Paella.”

You were inclined to laugh upon observing the dirty look that Sanji shot towards Christopher, almost halting himself in the middle of his action of setting down his plate on the table. You couldn't help but speculate that Sanji was potentially taking your side despite merely having observed your interactions.

Or at the very least, you liked thinking that was the case for once.

Christopher remained placid without uttering a word of protest, retrieving his fork and promptly engaging in devouring his food. Admiral Joseph and your parents proceeded to immediately take part in their dinner as well, and Sanji politely excused himself with his unique manners, moving to another table nearby.

Without hesitation, you picked up your spoon and scooped a serving of rice, inhaling its appetizing fragrance before introducing it to your mouth. As you started chewing, you closed your eyes in utter satisfaction, allowing the food to melt on your tongue before swallowing. The rice was incredibly rich and creamy, yet not heavy on your stomach. The cod was of significantly higher quality than any other fish you had, and the spinach seamlessly combined with the tomatoes in an exquisite explosion of flavors.

As you savored every bite of the meal, each one better than the previous, a large grin instinctively formed on your face.

Before vanishing behind the wooden doors of the kitchen, Sanji cast a curious glance towards you from afar. You were eating the meal with your eyes closed in ecstasy, savoring each bite of rice with care and delicacy. Your smile was so appealing that Sanji had never witnessed such a sight before.

Just then, you released a melodic cackle that Sanji could only barely detect from his distant position. He saw you turning to the others while gesturing at the bowl, bringing your hand against your chest, exactly where your heart was located. "If this isn't the most delicious thing I've ever tasted, I don't know what is,” you exclaimed.

Sanji's smile grew even wider upon hearing your assertion. He marveled at the sparkle in your eyes as you giggled with every mouthful of the rice he had prepared exclusively for you.

Your parents, Admiral Wheeler, and even Christopher all concurred in regards to the quality cuisine, regarding their dishes as incredibly satisfying and asking for further portions. Throughout the entire dinner, they seated at the table exuding a noticeably elevated sense of contentment. They were at a loss for words, and you definitely appreciated the peace and quiet with a lighter heart.

Unfortunately, the calm atmosphere didn't last long as your mother finally asked the dreaded question you had been avoiding for quite some time.

"So, when are you two going to tie the knot?”

You accidentally gulped down a considerable amount of water, leading to a series of coughs as you tried to alleviate the uncomfortable raspy feeling in your pharynx.

Chris let out a small chuckle, displaying a mixture of embarrassment as he scratched the back of his disheveled and unruly black hair.

"Ah, well. I haven't given it much thought yet," he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

"You two are old enough to start your own family," she continued, "Hopefully, you won't keep us waiting for too long.”

You took a deep breath, keeping your composure and refraining from delivering a sharp retort to your mother.

As Christopher extended his right hand along the back of the sofa and brushed it against your bare shoulder, you shivered at the physical contact. You pushed yourself forward, reaching out to grab a slice of bread as an excuse to retreat from him and create some distance.

“Y/N? You don't have anything to say?" your mother questioned, her tone filled with anticipation.

You bit the inside of your cheek, contemplating the appropriate response to give. Ultimately, you realized that you were mentally and emotionally exhausted to fabricate a falsehood.

“No, I don’t.”

The entire table's attention was now focused on you, as your parents stared at you intensely, their eyes fixed on your face with piercing scrutiny.

What?" you asked with your mouth full. "Do we really have to discuss this right now?”

"Yes, we do," your father replied. "Your carefree and indifferent attitude needs to change.”

With mounting annoyance, you allowed the remaining chunk of bread to slip into your empty bowl.

"I'm sorry, but we're discussing my life here," you said, asserting yourself. "Are you seriously going to make decisions on it without my consent?”

Once again, your father's temper flared. He stood up from the couch, using one hand to support himself on the table as he restrained his anger.

"Oh, you can rest assured that we will. What are you even good at without our guidance? Do you seriously believe that we would let you throw away everything we've built?”

This time, it was you who slammed your palms. "And what is it that you've built, dad? An empire of lies, hypocrisy, and dirty money?”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

A deafening silence spread across the room, causing the other diners who were engrossed in their own conversations to stop and redirect their attention to your table. The two of you engaged in a new staring contest with a comparable level of fervor, but in an effort to maintain a sense of decorum and avoid causing further ruckus in the restaurant, you exhaled a frustrated grunt and shifted slightly in your seat. You assumed a slouched position with your forearms crossed in front of you, diverting your teary eyes downwards.

Christopher attempted to provide you with some solace, sliding his hand beyond your hair while gently stroking the side of your face with the underside of his fingers. Still, you didn't want any of his attention. You moved your head away and shunned him by raising one hand up.

Admiral Wheeler cleared his throat, his gaze shifting between you and your father, as he swiftly downed the remnants of the drink in his glass.

It was an understatement to say that Sanji was infuriated. He was unaware of what led to the man's outburst, but the enchanting smile you had a second ago had been replaced by a much darker expression - a look he certainly did not like to see on a woman like yourself.

Discerning that you preferred not to be surrounded by those people sitting with you was easy for him to figure out. Were it not for his imperative task at hand, he would have acted as a knight clad in shiny armor, whisking you away from the callousness that blatantly depleted your spirit and caused you to have a strong yearning to shed tears.

A lady crying was a spectacle that Sanji couldn’t handle, not without feeling like he wanted to kick the one responsible for it.

For the remainder of the night, he continued to provide service to the arriving patrons and was repeatedly sent out of the kitchen by Zeff whenever he dared touching the stove again. For some reason, he couldn't get your lovely face, appearing completely distraught because of some imbecile's disrespectful treatment, out of his thoughts.

When he returned to your table to take a new order from the dessert menu, he noticed that your seat was now empty. Your mother had blurted out something about you taking too long in the restroom, presumably fixing your makeup that had started to deteriorate and ruin your appearance.

Sanji immediately recognized the mocking tone in her voice. As he returned to the kitchen to deliver the requested selection of sweets, a strange somberness settled in the core of his stomach.

Later, when he came back to the dining hall with the baked treats on a silvery tray, you were still absent.

You didn't even know how much time had passed since you hurried to the restroom. The urge to escape and be alone was strong, so you gave yourself a moment to cool off and fix your makeup as best as you could.

Right now, you looked like a complete mess. Tears were streaming down your cheeks, smudging bits of mascara beneath your reddening eyes. Your reflection revealed someone who was miserable, fragile, and hopeless, much like your younger self that you could still vividly see curled up in a corner of your room.

You were anticipating this night to wrap up in a couple of hours, but your parents weren’t showing any concern regarding how late it was getting now. Even though you tried your hardest to keep it together, it became increasingly challenging with each passing second. Your breathing became labored, your heart raced at an unimaginable pace that made you think it might shoot out of your chest, and your whole body started trembling like a quivering branch.

You anxiously wiped away the tears from your face, removed the smudged makeup from your skin, and took deep breaths to calm your racing pulse. As soon as you managed to regain control of your emotions and appear presentable again, you used your nails to comb through your hair, adjusted your dress, and proceeded to push open the door.

You stood frozen and paralyzed in front of the dining hall, watching as the others carried on with their meaningless chatter, seemingly oblivious to your state of mind.

But the harsh reality was that in truth, they didn't even care.

Your ears started to buzz and your surroundings turned into a muffled murmur, as if you were submerged underwater. Your hands tightly gripped your handbag, holding onto it with sheer desperation.

“…dam. Madam? Is everything all right?”

You quickly composed yourself when you heard someone speaking to you. The second you swivelled your head, you saw Sanji the waiter looking at you with a furrowed expression, his hands tucked into his pockets.

For some reason, his blue-ish eyes seemed to have a grounding effect, causing the ringing noise in your ears to immediatly fade away.

When your nerves became more solid and allowed you to feel stable enough, you gave him a response. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

Judging by the way he slightly inclined his head to watch you, it was quite clear that you didn't sound very believable. You could have continued telling lies, even to yourself, returning to your seat and feigning like nothing had ever happened. But there was a certain attribute in him that urged you to let it all go, to stop pretending to be someone you were not, at least for one night.

In the end, a sad chuckle escaped you as you massaged your forehead in defeat. "Actually, no. I don’t think I am.”

"Can I offer you something sweet to bring back your beautiful smile?”

A slight tinge of red spread across your cheeks, causing you to cast another glance at your table from afar.

“Actually, I think I might need a drink now,” you clarified. “A strong one. And no, I don’t really like wine at all.”

A mischievous smile stretched across Sanji's face in response to your comment. "Tell you what, the restaurant has a bar outside. Would you mind if I joined you?" He asked.

You eyed him in bewilderment. “Aren’t you working?”

“I’m on my break,” he said. “And my shift is almost over.”

You pondered the proposal, peering at the dining table one last time to weigh out the undesirable repercussions. Vanishing with the Baratie's waiter would likely escalate your father's anger, and enduring a prolonged argument on the boat later was not an appealing prospect for you. Nevertheless, the more you felt Sanji's focus on you, the stronger your desire became to escape with him for the remainder of your stay. Returning to your seat didn't constitute an option you wanted to choose.

As you pushed your hair away and behind your ear, you issued a resolute nod to him. “Screw it. Let’s go.”

Sneaking out of the restaurant without being noticed by your family was less arduous than you thought it would be. They were engrossed in their continuous conversation, never lifting their heads or paying attention to the movements around them. Sanji softly grazed your back as he accompanied you, his palm making only slight contact against your skin. You relished the pleasant sensation of the heavy ring he sported on his middle right digit, feeling the coldness of the metal in contrast with the warmth of his touch.

Once you reached the mouth of the fish at the end of the ship, the energetic music coming from the speakers immediately captivated you. Patrons were stationed on the sofas with large colorful beverages placed on their laps, some engaged in dancing inebriatedly before the bar. As Sanji retrieved two vacant stools from a corner, he politely offered you one. You couldn't help but yearn for his electric touch again the moment his hand left you.

While you ordered a full tumbler of cocktail, Sanji opted for only a small glass of liquor. It was fine with you, as he needed to remain sober for the purpose of continuing his job later. You gently took small sips of the beverage using the straw, feeling the strong liquid burning down your throat. He took out a lighter from his pocket, idly toying with it while you sat in silence, transfixed by his flawless hands.

Your heart thumped harder as he turned to face you, his broad smile permanently etched on his perfect face. "I hope you don't mind me asking, Madam, but what brings a woman like you together with a man like that?”

You chuckled at his inquiry, amused by how effortlessly he recognized that Christopher was not the lifelong partner you had chosen for yourself.

"Do you ever feel like you're stuck, unable to move forward with your life?” You asked him.

Sanji's eyes appeared to shine when he heard your words. He glanced downwards, and you could see the hesitation tugging at the corners of his mouth. “More than I want to admit.”

You rotated ever so slightly on the stool to orient your face more directly toward him. “You don’t want to work here?”

"It's complicated, sweetheart.”

Downing more of your drink, you gave him an agreeing nod. "I guess that’s just how life works for some of us.”

Sanji stayed silent, but he continued to gaze at you as if you were an incomparable treasure.

His handsome features seemed to shine under the dim lights of the bar, even more brightly than you could have thought possible. You were almost tempted to brush aside those golden locks that covered his left eye, but you had to scold yourself for developing a similar attraction for someone you knew nothing about, and who naturally exuded a flirtatious attitude.

Maybe that drink was already starting to affect your lucidity.

As Sanji looked at you curiously, the gentle smile never leaving his face, you asked him, "Do you know why the caged bird sings?"

He thought about it for a moment before answering, "Because it has a song to give?"

You chuckled at his response and shook your head. "You're not entirely wrong, but no."

Using the straw to casually swirl the ice cubes in your drink, you observed the ripples that formed within the cocktail.

"A free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream, 'till the current ends, dips his wing in the orange sun rays, and dares to claim the sky. But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage. His wings are clipped and his feet are tied, so he opens his throat to sing."

Sanji appeared slightly puzzled, but he also paid close attention, listening intently.

“The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown, but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.”

When you assessed his reaction, Sanji's beaming expression turned into the most delightful toothy grin you had ever witnessed. “Is that a poem?”

You nodded. “One of my favorites.”

He looked away, steadily flicking his lighter on and off in a continuous flow of motion. "The bird sings because it wants to be set free.”

“Yes.”

This time, Sanji took out a white cigarette from a flat box, lit it, and held it between his middle and index fingers. He inhaled the nicotine before exhaling a puff of smoke, making sure not to blow it on you.

For some reason, you found even those actions to be seductive.

"I'm not a waiter, you know," he declared.

You snapped out of your daze. "What?”

"I'm a cook,” he explained, exhaling another puff of smoke. “The best one in all the East Blue.”

Confusion flickered in your eyes for a moment. "You're the chef in charge?”

“Ah, no. The old man is. The shitbag doesn’t appreciate my creative choices in the kitchen.”

You shrugged your shoulders. "Some imagination while cooking is always nice.”

“You should tell him that. You liked the rice, didn’t you?”

Your mind went blank as soon as you thought of that delectable bowl of rice. You looked at Sanji with awe, your eyes widening as the truth suddenly dawned upon you. “You made it?”

Sanji had an air of pride, laughing at your reaction and taking another deep drag from his cigarette.

"Whoa, okay. My mind is blown right now. That was seriously the be-"

"The best thing you've ever tasted?" He interrupted you, looking into your eyes with contentment. “I know.”

In a cheerful tone, you inquired, “Did you hear that?”

"I told you. I'm the best cook in the East Blue,” he replied. “But yes. I might have heard you.”

Sanji winked at you once again, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of anger at yourself as your knees weakened at such a simple gesture.

"Okay, hat off. It was delicious. Thank you for that.”

Without noticing, you had unknowingly gotten closer to his body, nearly touching his upper leg with yours. Sanji didn't seem to mind, as he continued to look at you without interruption.

A little tipsy from the drink, you leaned your elbow on the countertop, resting your head against the side of your palm. “Do you do this often?”

He maintained his smile. “Do what, Madam?”

“Flirt with your customers.”

"Only with the most beautiful ones.”

You licked your lower lip, feeling the heat spreading across your cheeks. “Do you think I’m beautiful?”

"Oh, trust me, Madam. Your beauty is blinding me.”

You leaned forward, lowering your voice to a whisper. "Y/N, please, I prefer simple things.”

You spoke with a slightly more mischievous tone than you had intended, yet you were unable to acknowledge any feelings of embarrassment as he got closer.

Sanji turned his face away without saying anything, proceeding to put out his cigarette and allowing his gaze to survey your body. You allowed him, granting permission for your heart to perform a series of somersaults inside your chest. It felt as though he was consuming you with his eyes alone, yet simultaneously, there was a very gentle aspect within those seemingly ravenous actions of his.

And just when you anticipated his lips to come closer to yours, his grin vanished. "I apologize for intruding, but is there anything I can assist you with?”

You raised an eyebrow, trying to grasp the precise meaning of his words amidst your hazy state. “Assist me?”

“Do you need help?”

And when you finally grasped it, you let out a brief sigh and closed your eyes. Moving your head away from your palm, you let your arm rest against the counter, with your hand inadvertently placed next to his.

"That's nice of you to ask, but no. Everything's good, really.”

"It didn't seem like it was.”

Sanji looked deeply serious, his kind-heartedness now evident. Your lips, slightly damp and chilled from the fresh cocktail, regained their smile. You gently brushed your fingertips over his black tie, sliding them around the knot.

Sanji seemed to swallow, taken aback by your unexpected gesture.

"Just like you said earlier, it's complicated.”

In the midst of the moment, he stretched out his fingers, letting them come in touch with your wrist on the bar counter. Nonetheless, the contact was tender, exhibiting no signs of pressure or ulterior motives. "I just don't see how anybody could clip the wings of such a lovely bird.”

Upon hearing those words, you had to summon all of your inner strength to suppress a new rush of tears that threatened to form. “Some birds are just not meant to fly.”

The anguish in your voice resonated deeply within him, and you could perceive a barely noticeable head shake of protest. But before he could refute your words, both of you were interrupted by the unmistakable voice of someone you knew, filled with anger and disappointment.

"Ah, so you've been here all this time.”

As you turned, your eyes landed on Christopher, who stood before you with a disgruntled expression. In a swift motion, you pulled your hands away from Sanji and straightened your posture.

"I just needed a drink," you said firmly, maintaining your position against the counter.

"Oh yeah? It looks like you needed more than just a drink," he retorted, casting a disdainful glance at Sanji.

"What is this dandy asshole doing with you?" he asked angrily.

Sanji tightly pressed his lips together, rose from his chair, and flashed Chris a significant, sarcastic grin. "How long did it take you to find her, sir?"

Christopher's complexion grew redder with each passing second as his anger escalated, causing you to audibly sigh in annoyance. In an attempt to calm him down, you reached out and touched his shoulder. "Can you let him be? He was just being polite. There's no need to create a scene," you pleaded, hoping to diffuse the situation.

"Well, it's not like you were drawing a line, were you? You seemed quite eager to jump into his pants like a damn whore," Christopher said, his tone filled with jealousy.

Before you had a chance to offer a proper rebuttal, Sanji stepped in front of you. "Do not speak of her that way."

Sanji's intervention only served to further fuel Christopher's rage, but a mix of emotions surged within you. Your heart raced and butterflies fluttered in your stomach, unaccustomed to such a protective act.

"I can speak of her however I want, she's my fiancée! Don't you have work to do, shithead?" Christopher spat, getting dangerously close to Sanji's nose in an attempt to intimidate him.

Despite Sanji's composed demeanor, with his hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers and his unwavering stare locked with his opponent's, you reached out and gently touched his back.

You moved forward to show your support and alleviate the growing tension. "You got it all wrong, Chris. Just let it go," you uttered. “Fights are against the restaurant’s policy, don’t make a fool out of yourself.”

From your peripheral vision, you could see that Sanji had turned his focus back to you. He displayed a clear sense of awe at your respect for their regulations.

Chris's breathing was filled with agitation and hatred. Despite this, he managed to compose himself, straighten the collar of his jacket, and scoff in Sanji's face. "Fine, but this conversation isn't over, Y/N."

When Chris turned away to leave, you noticed your parents seated on one of the large sofas in the lounge area, alongside Admiral Wheeler. While the admiral immersed himself in the music and bobbed his head to the rhythm, your parents sent piercing glares your way, filled with clear disapproval.

Anticipating what was about to unfold, you couldn't help but let out a final sigh of resignation. You refocused your eyes on Sanji, who maintained a quiet silence, examining your face with a slight upward curl of his lips.

“Thank you," you expressed, infusing your words with genuine gratitude and sincerity.

Sanji's lips stretched into another sweet, full smile, watching you pivot on your heels and approach your family. From his perspective, you looked like a victim walking to the scaffold, about to face your inevitable execution.

Go to Chapter 2 ->

#one piece liveaction #opla sanji #vinsmoke sanji #opla sanji x reader #story: why the caged bird sings

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auburnflight · 3 years

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Jeanne, Vanitas and Agency

From the little I’ve dipped my toes into it, the VnC fandom seems pretty heated regarding Jeanne as a character. In drastic situations, I’ve seen accusations of misogyny based solely on someone’s comments on their feelings about Jeanne... a single character. And while yes, critiques can certainly be rooted in misogyny (must women be strong all the time? must they be submissive?), I think it’s important to consider not just the character herself, but how the story treats her and why we’re making the critiques we are.

Given that points of view in the fandom are so polarized, I’m going back to canon--to the text itself--to orient this essay. In particular, I’m going to focus on the point of agency--the freedom to make one’s own decisions about one’s self and one’s course of action. This goes beyond just Jeanne’s background as a borreau, trained to fight and follow orders. Agency is also consequential in her relationships with other characters and with the story as a whole.

(Content warning for discussion of abuse dynamics, and brief mentions of sexual assault.)

It’s natural to start off with Jeanne’s first appearance in the story: alongside Luca, she’s introduced as a new agent of conflict with Noe and Vanitas’s budding alliance. In fact, she is the one who initiates the physical altercation with Noe and Vanitas, while Luca is still trying to talk them into giving him the Book of Vanitas:

Aesthetically and conceptually, she’s introduced as an active element of the story. At this point, the “forced kiss” scene during the initial fight seems more like a fluke, a comment on Vanitas’s personality (and willingness to do despicable things to get what he wants) rather than Jeanne’s.

That brings me to why I found it so jarring when colored art of her that was subsequently revealed: that agency fell away to portray a visually more passive air.

In the existing full-color art we have of Jeanne, she’s more static in her environment, looking towards the viewer but with a face that looks rather blank, even meek. Specifically I want to point out this wallpaper, which I obtained from the official site fairly early on in Vanitas’s serialization (December 2016), in contrast to another piece of official art that was released of Noe and Vanitas with Memoire 11, around the same time:

In both cases, the characters are posed intentionally, rather than actively doing something. And, they’re aware of the viewer’s gaze to some extent. However, Jeanne has her back turned to the viewer, and her expression is more idealized and ambiguous. Meanwhile, Noe and Vanitas are rather assertive: their expressions are more intentionally focused, and they seem to know their situation in the artwork. Jeanne is simply passive, very nearly objectified.

...Yeah, maybe this is just my art background speaking. But I also notice something similar happening in other official colored pieces of Jeanne, such as the cover of volume 4.

By this point in the story, lack of agency has become an even more significant element in Jeanne’s character arc: we learn that she’s been cursed. Not only is she unable to speak of the curse, it’s also in direct opposition to one of her primary character motivations, to protect Luca and those she cares about. Due to her uncontrollable urge to kill and drink blood, Jeanne fears that she’ll unintentionally hurt the very people she’s trying to protect.

Jeanne’s involvement with Vanitas also unfortunately comes with a sacrifice of her own agency. Seeing that she’s been cursed, Vanitas demands that she drinks blood from no one but him in exchange for keeping her secret. He further establishes her sense of reliance on him by promising that if he ever does see her lose control, he’ll kill her (so that she doesn’t harm Luca). Whether he’s simply a smitten 18-year-old who doesn’t yet know how to conduct healthy relationships, or whether he’s crafty and intentionally drawing Jeanne in further--or even whether it’s a mix of both--this idea of Vanitas’s control over her is reflected in the cover art for volume 4.

At this point, considering the literal events of the story, Jeanne’s passiveness is not only visual, but symbolic. In this illustration, Vanitas’s hand is grabbing Jeanne by her bow, and functionally by her neck: she’s being dragged along against her will, with little means of escape. And she looks at the viewer with a surprisingly similar expression to the previous illustration: one that communicates little say in the situation.

This matches up with their literal relationship in the story itself. Knowing she’s cursed, Vanitas is establishing her exclusive reliance on him, in exchange for keeping important secrets from others with whom she’s close (i.e. threatening to drive a wedge into their relationship). He’s already pushed himself upon her physically with clearly no warning or enjoyment from her. Yes, he’s been kind. And when Dominique trails Vanitas and Jeanne on their date, she notes that Jeanne is “terribly weak against any sort of kindness.” But in spite of some more “cute” and candid moments, the overall dynamic between Jeanne and Vanitas is far from genuine kindness. Returning to how Vanitas garnered an edge over her in their initial fight--with taunting, carefully chosen words--I would phrase it more as that Jeanne, a borreau trained to kill and inexperienced with matters of feelings, is particularly susceptible to emotional manipulation. (There’s more than a little irony in this internal comment from Jeanne, at the beginning of her date with Vanitas:)

Jeanne’s relationship with Vanitas becoming important isn’t, in isolation, inherently an issue. In most cases, it’s fun to see how a character who usually appears unshakeable is rounded out when we see them at their more vulnerable times. What makes me feel squicked out and worried on Jeanne’s behalf is how it’s executed, considering how it works in opposition to how she was introduced as a character, and how Jeanne and Vanitas’s relationship harkens back to known dynamics of abuse.

In other words, my discomfort is not at Jeanne herself for falling for Vanitas and his tactics. It’s at how she’s introduced with a promise of agency in her own story, and that agency is subsequently taken away in how she’s portrayed in official art, and in plot points as the story progresses. It’s at how their relationship begins to fall into a harmful template perpetuated by rape culture, where a man forces himself upon a woman at first, but she is shown to eventually enjoy those advances even when unwanted. I had high hopes for Jeanne as a character developed with her own agency, motives (and yes, for cool fight scenes that WLW like me can admire), and so far, Vanitas’s effect on her has threatened to overshadow these. This is where I think sections of the fandom throwing accusations back and forth of each other being misogynistic, on the grounds of criticizing Jeanne and her relationship with Vanitas, fail to see the wider issue.

Of course, eliciting this sort of discomfort may even be the whole point. Jun Mochizuki is known for putting her characters through tragic and painful situations, and her previous work Pandora Hearts is rife with unstable, imbalanced, and otherwise less-than-perfect relationships. But even without this background knowledge, a decisive scene that convinces me of the intentionality of this purpose is one I’ve written about before: Jeanne’s internal fantasy as she’s left unattended by Luca and loses herself in a storybook.

Here, Jeanne fantasizes about being the agent in her own story, a position that, the art reminds us, is often occupied by a male character such as a prince. Ultimately, this progression looks innocent and could serve to remind us of Jeanne’s more vulnerable, innocuous side. But including it here in the story could also serve as foreshadowing, a contrast to what Jeanne’s situation is like for her in reality. (If you want to read more on this panel specifically, my analysis is in the source link of this post!)

Essentially, critiquing Jeanne as a character requires more nuance than simply judging her individual characteristics. It’s necessary to also take into account the way that the story treats her and her relationships with others and other forces in the story. Not just is she allowed to be soft and emotional, but what consequences does this have for her, and how do the story elements lead the reader to feel about her being soft?

Personally, I think she’s very likeable as a character--her situation just seems unfair, and I feel like she deserves so much better than Vanitas and his schemes. I mean, she could easily destroy him with her gauntlet, and he knows it! But, then, it’s Jun Mochizuki. We should probably expect to be feeling pain and pity for her characters. Still, the relationship between Jeanne and Vanitas has always kinda rubbed me the wrong way, and I think this pretty much sums up why.

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no shuki #aki likes analyzing things

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frosteee · 3 years

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"You should be scared of me" - Why Shiemi will need to break tradition to truly best Amaimon

The new chapter threw a heck of a lot of stuff at us at once, raising a hundred questions for the few it answers.

We're given a brief synopsis of Amaimon's history with Shemihaza, a relationship that has been hinted at in previous chapters, and the nature of Shiemi's final challenge: to "subjugate" Amaimon, as Shemihaza and all other 'successors' before her.

Shiemi's grandmother instructed her in such a way to make a violent battle between Shiemi and Amaimon inevitable, and Amaimon himself solidified this inevitability by deriding the strength of her abilities, implying a respect for Shemihaza's - whom he serves in a as-yet unexplained way. He may serve Shemihaza, but he is not servile to her, nor is he compelled to respect or serve her successors. Shiemi must prove herself worthy in the power department.

However, I believe that the long-term solution to her and Amaimon's respective barriers will require a change in approach to those before her. Even Shemihaza.

Amaimon's Anger

An unspecified amount of time ago, an angry Amaimon made the land. Given that he has a defined physical form, and the nature of it and his clothes, it is definitely a time in which humans are around and who nature a fear of demons.

It isn't made clear what made Amaimon so angry, but it's clear that it spurred a rage so intense that he took it out on the earth, making it inhospitable for any kind of life. This is when Shemihaza steps in, as Emperor of Creation and Amaimon's foil - she is life and creation, he is death and destruction.

Prior to this point they may have co-existed. Shemihaza may outrank him, but they share many similarities and can be seen as the two sides of the same coin, necessary to keep the world's natural order. Life and death. But Amaimon's outburst and complete annihilation of the land disrupts this order, and requires Shemihaza's intervention.

Shemihaza took pity on Amaimon, and may have also seen the practical reason for keeping him around (going back to the 'two sides of a coin' theory) and so rather than destroy him, Shemihaza sacrificed her body and crystallised herself, binding Amaimon to her in servitude.

It appears that in doing so, Shemihaza sealed parts of Amaimon - his power, or even his persona - in crystals around her frozen form. She allowed him to continue to have a 'self' - or consciousness - by becoming her servant.

Whether it was the act of sealing parts of Amaimon away, or the terms of his service, that quelled Amaimon's anger, it's clear that these measures did not really fix the issue.

Amaimon still carries intense rage within him, evident in his fits of violence and intense anger that break through his usual impassive exterior. He particularly reacts to any whiff of a suggestion that he is weak, which supports the theory that the crystallised parts of Amaimon are parts of his power. With this into consideration, Amaimon has even more reason to be angry now.

Shemihaza's Legacy

If this is the case, then it makes the problem worse in the long term. Amaimon still feels intense rage, but no longer has adequate means to express it like he did in the past. Rather than get to the root of why he feels so angry, Shemihaza has left her successors with a being that grows progressively more hateful and angry with each passing generation, despite lacking the ability to create the same destruction Shemihaza faced.

The flashback of Shemihaza and Amaimon, showing Amaimon kneeling before her, suggests that Shemihaza did not have to exert brute force in order to stop his rampage. As I mentioned earlier, in looking down on Shiemi's power he implicitly expresses respect or at least a past respect for Shemihaza's.

Kneeling before Shemihaza, who has greater power and status than his own, and with whom he may have shared a close relationship (speculation on my part), Amaimon is given a choice: serve Shemihaza and seal parts of his power/self away, through her sacrifice, or lose his sense of self.

Amaimon's options were eternal servitude and what he would probably view as castration, or death. Amaimon chose the former. As Mephisto states, once demons experience life with a body and five senses, the alternative to that, a conceptual being with no thought, senses or freedom, is the closes thing to death they can imagine and completely intolerable.

Shemihaza may have found a solution to the immediate problem of the ruination of the land, but failed to address the ongoing issue of Amaimon's anger, so her successors have continually had to 'subjugate' him into obedience, following her example. Shemihaza may not have needed to brawl with Amaimon, she likely had enough power to subdue him without fighting, but her successors command far less power than she did, especially at the stage Shiemi is at when facing Amaimon.

Pity /= Empathy

Shiemi's grandmother states that Shemihaza's pity for Amaimon's anger motivated her to give him a choice. But pity does not equal empathy, and the 'better' choice Amaimon took, as I said, does not really solve the problem with Amaimon long-term.

She felt pity enough to give him a choice at all, but a bit of empathy for why Amaimon is angry and a desire to help him could have resulted in a far better long-term solution to the problems he was causing.

When Lucifer was suffering and begging the Grigori Shemihaza to continue research into an elixir for him, he furiously pointed out her lack of compassion. Her response was that she had 'abandoned human compassion' when she took on the position.

This shows that while those connected with Shemihaza can feel pity for those around them, they are compelled or even taught to abandon feelings of empathy or compassion for others, following in Shemihaza's footsteps, for the 'greater good'.

There are positives to this way of working, and the Grigori can likely attribute their long service to this, but it also has drawbacks - shown plainly in Amaimon.

If Shemihaza had felt, or allowed herself to feel, compassion and empathise with Amaimon's plight, she may have given him a different choice that would benefit Amaimon himself also and make him a willing ally to her successors instead of a half-tamed beast who still suffers the same anger that they must forcibly take down.

Shiemi's Choice

While her grandmother stated that she must defeat Amaimon in combat in order to enlist his services, this is the will of Shemihaza and will only pass on the same issues to another generation.

If anything is to change, and if Shiemi wants to truly help 'everyone', she will need to go about her fight with Amaimon differently than her forebears.

She will need to rely on her strength, certainly, to not get killed by him, and also to prove herself worthy in the strength department, but she cannot hope to really make a difference and show her growth without showing her characteristic empathy and kindness to him as well.

Shiemi has grown stronger this past year, but her greatest strength has always been her ability to forgive and show kindness to others, especially those who are suffering, even when they hurt her.

Amaimon has hurt her, physically and mentally, but kind Shiemi will still be able to see the wounded soul behind the anger. Amaimon owes her an apology, not the other way around, but as a demon who has never known compassion he must be shown it first before he can reciprocate.

This challenge compels Shiemi to prove her worthiness to command Amaimon, to show her superiority, to order him by fear of pain or worse - as Shemihaza, Mephisto and likely every other demon he has interacted with has done.

This is not Shiemi, or who she should become. The Shiemi we know would never seek to be superior to another being, but on equal level. She would not wish to make anyone her slave, but her friend, even a demon.

When Shiemi states "You should be scared of me", she dangerously echoes the words and actions of her forebears. She cannot truly win by making Amaimon fear her wrath as she fears his, or as Amaimon feared Shemihaza's.

Shiemi needs to hold on to that compassionate side of herself, or else lose her humanity. And keep Amaimon an emotionally frustrated bomb waiting to explode for another generation.

#ok this became way too long hope you guys like XDD #Amaimon #amaimon blue exorcist #amaimon ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #analysis #Thoughts #shiemi moriyama #spoilers #ao no exorcist spoilers #blue exorcist spoilers #chapter 30 spoilers #ch 30 #chapter 30 #long post

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warrioreowynofrohan · 4 years

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On Gondor and Nationalism

Gondor, and particularly Denethor and Boromir, is characterized more than any other realm in The Lord of the Rings by nationalism, and there is a sharp contrast between its actual role in the war and the way Denethor and Boromir percieve its role. Two quotes in The Return of the King form the core of Tolkien’s discussion of nationalism, and both are conversations between Denethor and Gandalf.

The first:

Denethor: Yet the Lord of Gondor is not to be made the tool of other men’s purposes, however worthy. And to him there is no purpose higher in the world as it now stands than the good of Gondor; and the rule of Gondor, my lord, is mine and no other man’s, unless the king should come again.

Gandalf: ...I will say this: the rule of no realm is mine, neither of Gondor nor any other, great or small. But all worthy things that are in peril as the world now stands, those are my care. And for my part, I should not wholly fail of my task, though Gondor should perish, if anything passes through this night that can still grow fair or bear fruit or flower again in days to come. For I also am a steward. Did you not know?

And the second, discussing Denethor’s views on what should have been done with the Ring:

Denethor: It should have been kept, hidden, hidden dark and deep. Not used, I say, unless at the uttermost end of need, but set beyond his grasp, save by a victory so final that what then befell would not trouble us, being dead.

Gandalf: You think, as is your wont, my lord, of Gondor only. Yet there are other men and other lives, and time still to be. And for me, I pity even his slaves.

Denethor: And where will other men look for help if Gondor falls?

Both of these conversations point to the fundamental flaw in Denethor’s worldview, and it is a nuanced one. He is not the weak, selfish old man presented in the films; he is intelligent, pragmatic, and realistic, and his strategy and tactics are thoughtful. Again unlike the movies, the mission he sends Faramir on - to prevent the armies of Mordor from crossing Anduin, and cause them heavy losses if they do cross - is not a pointless suicide mission but a crucial and tactically necessary battle. He is wrong in his attitude towards and treatment of Faramir, not in sending him into danger.

Denethor represents (as, in another way, does Saruman) the wisdom of the world. His statement that, as the steward of Gondor, his highest purpose must be the good of Gondor, would be approved by many political theorists. But in the wider vision of the story of The Lord of the Rings, expressed by Gandalf, it is critically flawed in its narrowness and arrogance. The war against Sauron is not about the victory or preservation of one realm alone; it is about saving anything and everything good in Middle-earth, in the present or the future. This is the moment when Gandalf comes closest, of any point in the story, to stating outright who he is and what his purpose is; he doesn’t say outright that he was sent by the Valar to preserve the world against Sauron, but he comes near enough to it that Denethor, an intelligent and learned man, could pick up on it if he wanted to. It is important to Gandalf to at least try to get Denethor to understand the importance of what he’s saying.

In the second conversation, though, Denethor has fallen still farther from the truth. In the first one, he only said that Gondor’s good had to be his highest priority, as its ruler; now he says that if Minas Tirith falls, Sauron’s conquered the world anyway and it doesn’t matter if he gets the Ring. In his eyes, Minas Tirith is the only thing standing against Sauron, and the only thing that matters; its defeat is to him synonymous with the destruction of the world. People across Middle-earth are fighting against Sauron: on the very day of the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, the elves of Lothlórien are fighting off an assault by Sauron’s forces, as are the wood-elves in Mirkwood; the Battle of Dale in which the kings of both Dale and the Lonely Mountain fall will be two days later. Gondor is not alone in this war; it is not the only realm fighting and not the only one whose battles matter. It is not the bulwark sheltering the peaceful rest of the world from war; the rest of the world is fighting. But Denethor chooses to regard it as the only place of importance.

These are perspectives that he passed on, in part, to his eldest son, as seen in some of Boromir’s deeds at the Council of Elrond as well as in his later temptation by the Ring. At the Council, he takes the tone that Gondor is unacknowledged and unappreciated and is doing all the work of fighting Sauron: “Few, I deem, know of our deeds, and therefore guess little of their peril, if we should fail at last...By our valour the wild folk of the East are still restrained, and the terror of Morgul kept at bay; and thus alone are peace and freedom maintained in the lands behind us, bulwark of the West...those who shelter behind us give us praise, if ever they hear our name: much praise but little help.” He also - very importantly - instantly conflates “Doom” in the prophecy he hears with “the Doom of Minas Tirith”: the same thing Denethor is doing when he says that, if Minas Tirith falls, the world has already fallen and there’s no point in keeping the Ring away from Sauron. When he is told that the Ring cannot be wielded to defeat Sauron by force of arms, he acts as though the other members of the Council are abandoning Gondor. And so the Ring tempts him with the power to save Minas Tirith, because that’s the only way he can concieve of for the world to be saved.

Aragorn’s response to Boromir, in speaking of the Rangers, is not a counter-boast but an attempt (like Gandalf’s with Denethor) to give Boromir a broader perspective: many people are fighting and resisting Sauron and other evil things, in their own ways (“the servants of the Enemy...are found in many places, not in Mordor only”). Gondor is not alone; it is playing one particular role, while others play other roles.

This attitude, that its battles are the only ones that matter, is quite unique to Gondor. Legolas and Gimli, fighting in the wars of Rohan and Gondor, recognize that their kin cannot come to them: “They have no need to march to war...war already marches on their own lands”. The hobbits continually think little of themselves and their actions, even while achieving great things. (One example that amuses me is the contrast at the Council of Elrond between Boromir, who thinks his comparatively uneventful journey quite heroic - “since the way was full of doubt and danger, I took the journey upon myself” - and Frodo, who regards his achievement of escaping to Rivendell while pursued by all nine of the Nazgûl, and surviving a wound that would have been worse-than-fatal to most other mortals, with an attitude of ‘well, I rather muffed that up’.) The Ents very much have their own priorites - Treebeard says “I am not really on anyone’s side, as no one is really on my side - no one cares for the woods these days” - but they involve themselves in the war beyond merely defending Fangorn, by destroying the orcs who invade Rohan from the north. Théoden likewise keeps the big picture, not just the narrow ‘good of Rohan’ in mind, continuing with his army to the relief of Gondor even as news comes of Rohan being invaded from the north and east (the aforementioned orcs whom the Ents deal with).

Frodo comes closest to understanding what Gandalf is saying in the first-quoted conversation with Denethor. After seeing the Witch-king’s army march out from Minas Morgul, Frodo is tempted to despair: “Even if my errand is performed, no one will ever know. There will be no one I can tell. It will be in vain.” But he resists this: what he had to do, he had to do, if he could, and whether Faramir or Aragorn or Elrond or Gandalf or Galadriel or anyone else ever knew about it was beside the purpose. Aragorn, too, understands it: the march on the Black Gate is the antithesis of Denethor’s perspective: sacrifice of the armies of Gondor and Rohan without even knowing what may happen after they are defeated, in the hope that they may enable someone else to win the victory. They have no way of guessing that Frodo and Sam will reach Mount Doom at the same time as the armies clash at the Black Gate; their hope is founded on the idea of distracting Sauron long enough that Frodo and Sam can destroy the Ring days later, after the armies are all dead.

And Denethor and Boromir’s attitudes are all the more ironic because, in the end, Gondor doesn’t hold up very well. They fall apart and stop even trying to man the walls of Minas Tirith after a mere two days of siege, when food supplies haven’t even begun to be an issue. For a fortified city, especially one as well-designed for defense as Minas Tirith, that’s a very short amount of time to hold out against a siege! During the march on the Black Gate, even the sight of the Plains of Gorgoroth is too much for some of the men of Gondor and Rohan, and they can’t keep going. Yes, they’re just regular people and have never seen anything this horrible before, but Frodo and Sam and now Pippin are also just regular people used to peaceful lives, and they keep going. The purpose of this comparison isn’t to run down the Men of Gondor, but to point out how deeply wrong the idea is of them being the only ones whose fight matters, the only ones with the nerve and determination to protect the rest of the world. The hobbits, who don’t think of themselves as anything special or important or strong, are the ones who save the world, and they do it through hope, endurance, self-sacrifice, love, and compassion, not through military might.

#tolkien #the lord of the rings #denethor #boromir #gondor #aragorn #frodo baggins #gandalf #politics

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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Levi the Reluctant Hero

I wrote a post last night about one of Levi’s short stories from Vol. 1, in which he dreams of all his comrades dressed in fine clothing, living the high life of the MP’s, and he thinks, at first, how wrong they all look dressed like that, before Hange, in his dream, asks “But it’s better than this, right?”, before they all fall to the ground and begin to bleed out, and Levi then wakes, and tries to convince himself that all he has to do is protect them, and defend the choice they’ve made to live the life of a Scout. My post went into discussing the conflict between Levi’s desire to protect the lives of his friends and comrades, to keep them safe, and his own duty as a Scout to fight for humanity, and accept the many losses necessary among their number to make the Survey Corps’ goal a reality.

Well, it got me thinking more of the subject of that conflict within Levi, and in particular, about how that struggle was further impacted by his discovery of Erwin’s true motivations.

What’s interesting to note about Levi is that, as far as we know, he is the ONLY member of the SC who was pressed into service, whereas everyone else there is a volunteer, willingly signing up out of their own volition. Levi ends up staying with the SC after Erwin convinces him that his strength and skill are needed by humanity in order to win the war against the Titans, in order for humanity to achieve its freedom and salvation. And more to the point, Levi ends up becoming incredibly loyal towards Erwin, and trusting of Erwin’s judgment, always following his orders dutifully, even when he himself feels dubious as to his plans and course of action. Levi follows Erwin with such devoted dedication because he genuinely believes that all of Erwin’s great vision and tactical genius is being implemented for the greater good of all humanity, because he believes Erwin can see a path toward succeeding in that goal that Levi himself, and no one else either, is capable of seeing.

We see, more than once, Levi express his discomfort or dislike of Erwin’s plans, most particularly when it involves endangering the lives of the SC members. Like, for example, in Trost, when we see Levi’s hands literally shaking out of anxiety and dismay at the battle that breaks out there, and his inability to join in the fight, or before that, during the battle with the Female Titan in the forest, first when Levi snapped at Erwin for trying to give him the credit for their success in trapping her, and then later, when Levi wishes to go find his squad, and Erwin stops him from going. But still, Levi yields to Erwin’s commands and tells him he’ll “trust his judgment”.

How this relates to my post from last night is in the fact that Levi follows Erwin’s orders, even when it means the deaths of his comrades is more than just a possibility, but even a certainty, and how that choice to follow Erwin is particularly remarkable, because it goes against every instinct and desire Levi himself has. Levi’s first and foremost wish, during every battle we see him in, is to protect the lives of his comrades. He goes so far as to order them, both in Shinganshina and later in Liberio to “not die” and “survive”, as if he simply won’t accept anything less than them making it out alive. In Shinganshina, Levi took the bulk of the burden onto himself while trying to protect the horses from the numerous smaller titans because the other Scouts with him were new recruits and inexperienced, and he wanted to save them from having to engage with titans as much as he possibly could. And when the Beast Titan began throwing boulders at them, Levi’s first action was to try and rally everyone to scale the wall and get to the other side, where he believed they would find safety. There’s plenty of other examples throughout the manga in which Levi does all he can to save the life of not only his comrades, but even total strangers. My point is, to Levi, the most important thing of all is the lives of people. He places the most value, the most worth, on people’s lives, and in his view, protecting those lives is what matters most, and what he, personally, can do best.

And so, it is no doubt particularly difficult for him to put that instinct and priority and desire aside when Erwin orders him to, in order to execute his plans. Like, again, in the battle with the Female Titan, when Levi has to hold himself back from intervening with the soldiers engaging her while he and his squad lead her into Erwin’s trap, or again in Trost, or again in Shinganshina, etc... Levi is only able to put aside his own instincts and desires to follow Erwin because he believes wholeheartedly in Erwin’s own, altruistic goal, that is, the salvation of humanity. Erwin himself convinced Levi of this during the climactic moment of “No Regrets”, when he gives Levi his speech about only being able to defeat the Titans and free humanity from their terror by riding out beyond the walls and fighting back, by discovering where they come from and thus, discovering their weaknesses. He convinces Levi that this is a worthy goal, a noble goal, worth sacrificing their lives for and, if he lends his strength to the SC, he can help make this dream a reality, and that Erwin himself possesses a special scope of vision which he will apply with total dedication to also making this dream a reality.

It’s this belief in Erwin, and in Erwin’s speech, that leads Levi to follow him so loyally.

What’s really prevalent here is that Erwin convinces Levi specifically that to sacrifices ones life for the cause of the SC is a worthy and meaningful sacrifice. Before Erwin begins his speech, Levi is grief stricken over the loss of Furlan and Isabel, and after Erwin reveals how he used all of them in his plans to incriminate Lovof, Levi says to him, in clear anguish, “It wasn’t worth throwing away their lives! They were nothing but pawns in your worthless game.” He thinks Erwin’s used and sacrificed the lives of his friends for something as stupid and meaningless as catching a white collar criminal. And then Erwin goes into his speech about freeing humanity, and essentially convinces Levi that his friends didn’t die for a “worthless game”, but for the greater good, for the salvation and freedom and dreams of all humanity, and this is what gets Levi to accept Erwin’s offer and stay. This belief that he, and all of them, are fighting and sacrificing themselves for a better and safer world, in which people can live without fear or constriction, in which people’s lives themselves will be bettered. It’s this belief that allows Levi to accept the loss of lives within the ranks of his comrades, even as he wishes desperately that he could protect them all. He trusts Erwin is doing the right thing, because he believes in Erwin’s own goodness, and believes Erwin, like him, just wants to help people.

One of the things Levi struggles with most throughout the story, I think, and in particular, during the final arc, is the belief that all they’ve been fighting for is actually worth the loss of life they’ve all experienced. I think this was always a struggle for Levi, because I think it was always hard for Levi to even believe in the possibility of a better, safer, happier world, because he himself came from a world of such desperate struggle and hardship. But he believed in Erwin, and that gave Levi the strength to trust in its possibility, and to dedicate himself to the cause, even as he suffered immensely with each lost comrade.

And then he learns the truth about Erwin, which is that he hasn’t been fighting for humanity’s salvation, and his plans, which relied on the heavy sacrifices of their comrades, weren’t devised with the goal of humanity’s freedom at their core. Instead, Erwin has been fighting and sacrificing the lives of his comrades for a personal goal, both of getting revenge for his father by discovering the existence of humanity beyond the walls and proving him right in the process, and, I think, for the sake of knowledge itself, wanting to simply know.

This realization, for Levi, must have been utterly devastating, because suddenly it’s like everything he accused Erwin of before, while holding his blade to his throat and telling him that the lives of his friends weren’t worth his “worthless game” has come true. Beyond that even, the lives of every one of Levi’s comrades that he allowed to be sacrificed per Erwin’s orders, has suddenly lost it’s purpose. Suddenly, all those lives that Levi held himself back from protecting because they needed to be sacrificed to achieve the higher goal of humanity’s salvation, has been rendered meaningless, their death’s rendered pointless. And as is demonstrated again and again throughout the story, nothing is more horrific to Levi than a meaningless death, a pointless loss of life.

So here we see Levi’s true sense of betrayal, when he discovers Erwin’s true motivation. It’s not just that Erwin lied to him, it’s that Erwin convinced Levi that the goal of the Survey Corps, the salvation of humanity, was worth the sacrifice of his fellow soldiers lives, and now Levi discovers that none of those lives were sacrificed for any such noble cause, but rather a petty and selfish one, and that Levi himself helped facilitate those deaths by choosing to follow a man with loyal dedication because he believed in him and his vision so completely. The sense of guilt Levi must have felt, himself, upon discovering Erwin’s true motives, must have been overwhelming.

Further, it must have reignited Levi’s own struggle with believing the sacrifices of his fellow soldiers lives were worth it, even IF the goal was the salvation of humanity. He trusted in Erwin’s words, but it turned out Erwin lied about his true goal, and this in turn must have also caused Levi to doubt whether what Erwin said about the worth of sacrificing their lives for humanity’s freedom was even true. Whether it was really the right decision for any of them, to have given up on all their dreams and hopes, and to put their lives on the line, in the first place, even if they’d been fighting for something as noble, but also as distant, as a better world.

This struggle and conflict in Levi is never more evident than during the final arc of SnK, in which he openly wears an expression of heartbreaking grief and despair, as he has to watch more and more of his comrades lose their lives, and indeed, all of humanity lose their lives.

It all truly goes against everything Levi believes in, which is that people’s lives have value, and are worth something, and that they deserve to be preserved, and yet he’s put into a position again and again of having to watch people’s lives be snuffed out, whether by choice, in the case of his comrades sacrificing themselves for a greater good, or not by choice, people being killed just due to the circumstances of war.

I said in my post from last night that if it were up to Levi, I don’t think he would ever choose to place the people he cares about in harms way. I think he would do everything in his power to keep them out of combat situations, or any situation which could endanger their lives, and he would want them to simply just live long and happy and safe lives, in which they get to realize their hopes and dreams. But because it isn’t up to Levi, because the people he is close to and cares about have THEMSELVES chosen this path of self-sacrifice, he instead does the only thing he can, which is to try and protect them and keep them alive. This is one of the reasons Levi takes action, takes initiative more quickly than anyone else, why he never hesitates. Because if it means defending the lives of his friends and comrades, he’ll do whatever it takes, including bloodying his own hands, without thought spared for himself or the toll of it on him.

But of course, his dedication to that runs into direct conflict with his dedication to Erwin and the goal of the SC, which is to achieve humanity’s freedom, and Levi often is forced to choose between the two, often having to give up on his personal desire to save individual lives in order to achieve the higher cause of saving the human race.

Thinking about this in the context of Levi’s discovery about Erwin especially hurts, because it really underlines just how deep a sense of betrayal it had to have caused in Levi, to know he’s set aside his own need and want to help people, and allowed so many of his comrades to die for a cause which he now knows wasn’t, in fact, worth it.

Of course, Erwin then gives up his selfish dream and rededicates himself to the higher goal of humanity’s salvation, and that allows Levi to continue fighting at his side and to follow his orders. But it throws Levi’s feelings about Erwin’s and the other Scouts charge at the Beast Titan into greater relief, because he’s just gone through a period of extreme doubt and turmoil as to the meaning, as to the point of all the lives he’s had to see sacrificed during his years in the SC, and now, here, again, he’s having to allow more lives still to be given, unable to intervene or protect them because it’s necessary in order to keep the hope for humanity alive.

We see how hard Levi takes every death of every soldier both under his command and not, throughout the story. We see it with his own squad after he discovers their bodies in the forest, we see it with Niffa, after Kenny kills her, we see it with the soldiers in Shinganshina, and Erwin, we see it with his men in the forest after Zeke turns them into Titans, we see it with Hange, etc... He takes all of their deaths so deeply to heart, because Levi is such a deeply caring and compassionate man, who sees great value in the lives of all people. And honestly, that makes his willingness to fight for and defend their dreams and choices, even when those dreams and choices endanger their very lives, all the more remarkable, precisely because it’s so hard for him, precisely because he doesn’t WANT to let them sacrifice themselves, he wants to protect them. Precisely because, each time one of them loses their lives, it takes something vital out of Levi himself. He suffers the weight of their loss at his core. It HURTS him. To support their choices, their dreams and ambitions and goals, Levi is then an active participant in causing himself pain, and yet still, he does it, and that really is the definition of a selfless hero. He knows the price he’ll have to pay, the toll on himself for putting aside his own desire to protect and save all of them, and he does it anyway, for them, and for humanity.

But as determinedly as Levi tries never to regret his choices, I think it’s clear he struggles immensely with doing so, because he’s never certain as to whether any of it is worth it. He wants so much to protect the lives of those he loves and cares for, and wants so much, also, to fight for and help them realize their dreams. He went to the surface with Furlan and Isabel exactly for this reason, because their dream was to live up above, all while going against his own wish to simply stay in the Underground and take care of them. And he ended up losing them because of it, the same as he ended up losing so many other friends and comrades, because of fighting for their dream of a world free from Titans.

This constant conflict, this constant pull back and forth within Levi, between wanting to protect and preserve the lives of those he cares for, and wanting to support and defend and fight for their dreams, is an aspect of his character which is, I think, deeply tragic.

It’s like he can’t win for losing.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #meta #snk analysis #thoughts

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