#that’s one thing I truly and honestly REALLY love about astarion’s character.

[forcedhesitation]

exhalted vampeeric maaastah

[sewermageboy]

obligatory "i love gale, I promise i'm not shitting on gale" comment before I start, but:

I feel like with a lot of the "he was groomed" narrative for Gale, people assume it's a given that Mystra came to him when he was a child, right? He says that she was his teacher, his muse, and then his lover, so I can see why people think that she must have been with him since he was a child.

But (I've been going down a Forgotten Realms lore rabbit hole, and found that) Mystra was killed around a hundred years before BG3, and only returned to life in 1479 DR, around 13 years before the events of the game. So unless we're saying that Gale is 30 years old (and in my mind he's more like 35-45), he would have been an adult by the time they met, even assuming that she immediately reached out to him after returning to the Forgotten Realms.

So why is the "groomed from childhood" narrative so prevalent? I think most people (rightfully) have better things to do with their time than reading about the fckn Spellplague on the Forgotten Realms wiki, but apart from that.

I think, especially with how many people (on tiktok especially, as far as I've seen) seem to hate Gale for being "too pushy" or whatever bc of the romance bug, there's an inherent instinct for Gale enjoyers to justify their liking of this character, by explaining away his flaws and his idiosyncrasies by saying "he is the way he is because he was groomed by the goddess of magic", and therefore his flaws aren't his own fault/don't matter, whatever.

It really bothers me when people explain away his flaws like that. He's braggadocious, yes, and he's arrogant, and he's filled to the brim with hubris. Does he have his reasons for that? Yes, of course! But that doesn't mean that his flaws are any less present, and just as much of a part of him as all the good parts. It bothers me when people do this with any of the characters tbh, like saying that all of Astarion's shitty behavior is due to his trauma at the hands of Cazador (which much of it is! But he's also just kinda a shitty person, and that's okay!!)

Like, if we look at Forgotten Realms lore, and say that Gale is around 40, Mystra would have approached him as a young man in his 20s - and honestly, that version of events is still just as fucked up to me as "he was groomed". Here you have this brilliant wizard, who lives for magic and manipulating the weave, and the goddess of magic herself begins to mentor him, teach him, inspire him, and eventually becomes his lover, too. Then, after she keeps showing him magic that will forever be beyond his reach, telling him to be content with his lot, he goes too far - and is discarded in the process, left alone to deal with the Orb in his chest despite Mystra being able to heal him instantly if she wished. And not only does he have to deal with a bad breakup and a nuclear bomb in his chest, no, he's also never able to truly be free of her, as long as he wishes to still do magic - something that is basically second nature to him, and that he could never give up.

I've also seen people conflate his Early Access story (Mystra discarding him first and for no reason, and him ending up with the Orb in his chest as a result of trying to win her back) with his full release one (Him trying to prove to Mystra he was worthy of being shown magic beyond any other mortals, ending up with the Orb, and Mystra discarding him as a result of that), and I feel like that comes from the same place as the insistence on him being groomed - trying to justify his behavior and sanitize him as much as possible.

I understand the instinct to defend Gale from people who shit on him needlessly bc of the romance bug or whatever, I really do. I adore Gale, and I think he's one of the most fascinating characters in the game! But I also think it's a disservice to him to not acknowledge the negative parts of him, or to explain them away as being caused by trauma he might have gone through.

The shitty parts, the ones you can really sink your teeth into, are what make most of the companions so interesting to me!!! And Gale's arrogance, his clumsiness when he flirts and how quick he is to fall in love, his hubris and his anger are all part of that!!

Edit: just wanted to clarify that I have no issue with the interpretation that Gale was groomed by Mystra from a young age in and of itself!

As @galedekarios rightfully pointed out, Larian often plays fast and loose with the timeline, so Mystra's death and her return to the forgotten realms only factor in so much. There's ample evidence in the game for the grooming interpretation, and it's also super fascinating to me, I just don't like that a lot of the discussion of Gale's character seems to boil down to: "but he was groomed, so it doesn't matter", or that many people seem to view it as the only valid interpretation of his character.

[luxlightly]

Thoughts on Astarion and why he's the most compelling character in BG3 to me right now

I've been posting a lot about this boy recently, mostly just about finding him hilarious and adorable but I do genuinely love his character and find him extremely interesting.

The defining thing about his story, especially when comparing it to Wyll or Gale, is just how LONG he has been suffering. Wyll has essentially just realized how tricked he's been and is fuming, Gale is still in denial that he's done anything wrong except for failing at his goal to return the trapped magic. Astarion has been a puppet for an evil vampire lord who tortured him and forced him to lure probably hundreds of people to their deaths for TWO HUNDRED YEARS.

He's past the initial anger. Past the denial. He's gone through every kind of grief a dozen times over until he came around to a terrible, cold acceptance. And to having to see the "funny side" of it. The cruel, twisted humor in everything. For instance, he seems, in some way, truly sorry for Mayrina and her husband's fate, but also finds it funny. He mentions he wishes Mayrina could at least see the "funny side of it". It seems that crucial to his ability to accept the things he's done and have been done to him.

I saw a comment earlier that said they felt Astarion is just "needlessly evil" but honestly I see very clear cut motivations in all of his approval choices. Fear for his life. Fear of being controlled. And finding joy, however twisted, in the horrible things that have befallen him and others.

I honestly think one of the best scenes in exploring his character is the goblin party after siding with the goblins in the grove battle, which is likely a much more rare scene since the game pushes you pretty hard towards helping the teiflings. If you side with the teiflings, he spends the party being boisterous and whiny. He complains loudly about the lack of reward, but seems to be mostly just blowing smoke, enjoying complaining. He'll joke around with you and, while making a fuss about it, does seem to enjoying himself to some extent, even if it's just enjoying the fuss he's making. And he raises a good point. If you tell him "just think of the lives we saved" he'll raise the question: did you really "save" anyone? You killed as many goblins in the camp as there were teiflings in the grove. Goblins who were manipulated and controlled by the cult of the Absolute. At the end of the day, you decided that some lives were worth the loss of others. Whether or not you made the "right" decision is up to your interpretation. It gives a glimpse into the way he's come to rationalize the things he's had to do under Cazador's command.

At the goblin party, he's much more subdued. I saw a video saying he was clearly "having a great time" but I don't see it that way at all. His jokes are dry and dark. His words soft. The way we only really see him in scenes where he feels vulnerable, emotionally. His usual flamboyant nature dulled. If you express regret over what you did, he tells you "You did what you had to. Don't be ashamed you did it well." You can really tell how that's a motto he's had to cling to himself. He's not wracked with guilt the way the others like Gale and Shadowheart are, but you can see exactly why. Not because he wanted this, but because he's completely internalized the idea that one can't get what they want. They can only take it. And accept everything else as inevitable. Right and wrong stopped meaning anything to him a long long time ago. There's just life. Survival. And whatever it takes to keep on going.

Everything Astarion does is, in some way, about protecting himself. His blades protect his body. His harsh words and lies protect his secrets. His humor protects his mind. Which is why each of his important character cutscenes have been about having to lower his guard. To trust you with all three of those things.

I'm very interested in seeing what will happen when he truly is faced with the decision to protect himself or to protect those he cares about. I think that will be the defining moment for him and will vary wildly depending on if you've managed to get him to lower his defenses around you and learn to trust.

[inspectordookie]

i saw someone use this picrew (https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1564386) to try recreating their tavs, and i wanted to give it a try (possibly also because im too lazy to draw them) in spirit of bg3 being released :D mind you these won't all be 100% accurate to in-game appearance but close enough alongside my personal envisions

i've only played as one of them in early access,, i may or may not have taken the time to plan the rest of my tavs for future gameplays LMAO yes i am that kind of person when it comes to rpgs🫡 the common thread between all of them is feeling out of place, and how each of them deal with it in their own ways

ismene farahani-diamandis (she/her) my chaotic good human sorcerer in wild magic (i'm thinking about multiclassing paladin for her but idkk), my first tav and honestly kind of my favorite :') even created a backstory for her parents too. a catastrophe in more ways than one, but truly one of the most caring and fun-loving people, like a disney princess but just a bit more disastrous. a bit of a dreamer who longs to be loved and have adventure like the heroes in stories told by her father, but has often felt she cannot have both or either whether it was due to the utter though consistent bad luck when she tried or feelings of unworthiness because of others even when they did her wrong (aka a list of exes). she has lost most of her family outside her younger, paladin brother and distant noble family in mulmaster, who she has no interest in reaching after her mother's departure as a young adult with her father (it's a very long story involving a rogue noble and a wizard from a family of barbarians). first it was her father from an incident causing his memory then life to be slowly eaten away, her younger sister the one time she was far from home to a village raid, then her own mother the minute she garnered a name for herself as a hero amongst the people. she has since felt a lost sense of purpose, having no family or loved ones to put first having been the eldest sibling for so long, and strong guilt in wanting to pursue more with the unpredictable yet wondrous abilities she was born with, as she has felt she has failed to use them to save precious lives time and time again

even so, ismene is someone who chooses and wants to do good or the best possible thing no matter what challenge stands ahead and hopes that despite everything, she can find a way to be her happy, flirty self once again. trying to make the most of the brain worm situation and genuinely aspires to befriend all in her party, even though most of them prove difficult. lucky for her, if shes anything, shes stubborn enough to keep trying anyways in her newfound but chaotic family--it's almost refreshing to be in a band of fellow disasters. really stuck on either astarion or halsin for her romance because i think story-wise, her and astarion in my brain just are really interesting dynamically and have been in EA, but halsin would probablyyy be her most ideal partner (cause she honestly deserves at least one stable part in her life LMAO) but HEY---MAYBE THEY CAN POLY *if* larian allows it, her mbti/enneagram is ENFP 7w6

amée tanor'thal (she/her) will be my second playthrough, a neutral good seladrine drow cleric of selûne in the life domain. her backstory is probably my favorite amongst everyone, she's actually the mother of my first and only d&d character that i got to play about a year ago now :D i already had her story in mind alongside her daughter (obviously), and thought bg3 would be a good opportunity to play as her. she's always been more reserved and cautious in nature, someone who always tries to consider things beyond how they're presented in front of her. the inquisitiveness is what led her to learn more beyond her corrupt family, religion, and the normalized suffering within her home at the tanor'thal manor in skullport, she went through a lot to escape from it. initially, it was her and a group of hidden eilistraee followers in the city who she planned an escape route with, amée had met them through a boy around her age that she befriended on one of her secret escapades. they opened her to the possibility of a world filled with joy---with light, a life that the underdark, her own family would consume and make impossible for anyone to have. unfortunately, the heavy security made the journey abruptly take a turn for the worse. amée wound up separated from everyone as they continued the planned path, whilst she wound up chased by her own family on a completely different one; she barely escaped with her life. she followed a path of stars, scared and unsure, and it wound up leading her to a church of selûne in waterdeep where she was kindly taken in for sanctuary.

upon learning more and speaking with the clerics and daily visitors, choosing to serve her and the philosophy of having choice and helping to guide those who are lost, amée is a rare and often misunderstood person in the church. it is something she is aware of but is far more concerned in carving a path of peace for all those who need it---especially misunderstood folk of the underdark. despite her gloomy appearance, she is easily one of the most compassionate souls, one who has sworn to devote her life to healing instead of hurting, though she may or may not have had to kill off most of the family sent to the surface to take her life, including her own mother. needless to say, she'll spill a bit of blood here and then and maybe roll with all the evil goons who give her easy access because they think she's evil too. she's a bit funny and often direct, albeit unintentionally. anywho, she'll be romancing gale, who will not only engage her in intelligent conversation but in a child-like wonder through magic after devoting much of her life to her personal cause. i also feel like his romance route has the potential to be veryy angsty cause of his magic chest bomb so. sorry amée. her mbti/enneagram is an INFJ 1w2 :)

fynn tranquilfoot (they/them) will be my third playthrough, a true neutral rock gnome monk specializing in the way of the shadow. from a relatively normal family in comparison to a lot of my own characters tbh LOL, they stem from a gunsmith family business that has flowed for generations in a city full of fellow gnome entrepreneurs and inventors. fynn never flowed well with it and was rather easily overwhelmed by it at an early age. as a kid they expressed no genuine interest in anything really, and instead preferred doing nothing, so long as they were allowed to be alone. it was something that did not sit well with their family. fynn was to carry the mantle of their success, history, and more children to keep things going, which did not, in fact, sit well with them no matter how many of their peers in the same family dynamic gushed about their shared lifestyles and destinies. it was yet another thing they could not relate to, among other things being thrust upon them as labels they never asked for; fynn quickly became the talk of their town. they never cared to argue against them or their parent's complaints; "better to play dead to stay alive", then nothing could truly nag at them. however, if there was something that gnawed at them at all, it was a distinct lack of purpose. they had spent so long doing nothing to the point it almost felt depressing to not be really good at anything; it was one boat ride away that allowed fynn to venture around the mainland and see entirely different things.

one day they saw a monk stealing a noble of all they had in only five seconds, asked how they could do what they did and the rest is history. they went to the same temple, learned the same techniques, and found they were quite good at all of it. fynn knew that sometimes the assassination gigs weren't the most morally correct, or that even when it was they wouldn't get any credit for the deed, and they were content with that. fynn is not someone who has any desire to be remembered and is passionate about the life they've led for themselves and protecting that peace it gave them. they're a rather smart and self-aware individual, and quite understanding as they're not very judgemental. isn't opposed to knowing their party, but has no plans of sticking around at the end either, while the parasites possible power to heighten their prowess at work is intriguing, they're aware that trusting its stability in the long run is likely dumb (but somehow they aren't exactly opposed). plan to romance them with wyll : ) i think his desire to have purpose vs. their lack of desire for one will somehow end up complimenting and opening each other up. their mbti/enneagram is ISTP 9w8

meet magdalena (or mags for short) of berdusk (any pronouns are fine), a chaotic neutral half-orc school of valour bard, and the physical embodiment of the term "here for a good time, not a long time". her story is relatively simple and feel-good in comparison to my other tavs, and i already know i'll end up having the most fun playing him aside from ismene LOL her human dad and orc mom are easily the best parents anyone could ask for, endlessly supportive and loving to whatever their child would choose to do or be as they navigated what he liked and didn't, even though their collective eccentric personalities made them stick out like sore thumbs even in a populated city like berdusk. nonetheless, neither of her parents really cared what people thought so inevitably, he didn't either and in turn became an unapologetically confident and outspoken person. mags learned music from her initially nomadic parents, who traveled all over faerûn sharing their own music, dances and stories, and it became yet another thing they inherited and completely loved. the more he wrote, composed, and sang while playing her father's harp, the stronger mags' music undeniably became, practically wooing anybody that came near it---even those who picked on every surface-level thing about him became unable to deny the magnetism (get it) magdalena of berdusk possessed. they enlisted into a bard academy, attending for years until magdalena found the curriculum to be severely boring, leaving only a year before they would have graduated.

her parents, of course, cheered them on.

so from then on, magdalena felt the rest of faerûn was ready to hear his songs, constantly writing while on the roads, fighting weird shit, performing at nearly every tavern she could find (and shagging only the finest of folk on the way). no matter what though, mags always makes sure to find the time and place to write to her parents no matter where he is and even with a creepy crawly worm in his brain. the situation doesn't necessarily phase them aside from the fact the idea of a worm in her brain skeeves her out a bit, like what if it lays eggs or something? she doesn't exactly understand the full circumstance. other than that, mags is content with chilling with these newfound travel partners of his and seeing where the course takes them, and even if he is to die inevitably she hopes that by the end of it, he'll have a sick ass album to compile before they can. she truly enjoys to savor and experience, so naturally i'm pairing them with shadowheart of all people LOL they'll probably soften each other up. also probably only gives into the tadpole for a while in exchange for the wicked sex dreams until their gf is like "alright you goob can you maybe stop before it kills you faster". mags is an ESFP 8w7 !!

last but not least is zaludra strombjörn (she/her), a lawful neutral wood elf enchantment wizard. omfg shes honestly such a sourpuss LMAO she'll end up likely being my most "evil" route (and by that i mean i have a hard time making mean choices in game lol), but she'll also end up having the most significant development. from a young age, zaludra never had the easiest time connecting with others, and wasn't really allowed to due to her condition. albinism wound up giving her severely overprotective parents who didn't even let her skin go near where sunlight pierced the ground. thus her whole childhood essentially was this reinforced idea that she was deadweight, something that didn't do wonders for her self-esteem as she was unable to directly contribute to anything in her village. in the silence, zaludra only grew a resentment for her home and the situation she was in, only finding more things to dislike about the wooden elf's way of life.

the only time she felt any sort of gratification was in occasional conversations with the only person who would talk to her outside of her parents, her village's sole druid. their magic captivated zaludra, the ability to be anything else, to be something great was---and begged to learn their ways. unfortunately, a severe lack of connection to her people or home made it impossible, and zaludra was back where she started. so, she resorted to other means of obtaining the art of magic; zaludra would venture the nights in the nearest town over in magic shops draped in whatever cloth could cover her skin, checking out basic spell casting books from the local libraries. the more she practiced magic in secret, the more determined she became to be the best in it. overtime it became clear zaludra was a natural genius in the arcanic arts, even learning to craft potions as well, concoctions of her own to make her condition easier to live with rather than hiding in shame because of it. she left her home publicly declaring it beneath her and the potential it had hidden her from and set off to further her education in the city of silverymoon where she only continued to succeed.

she would prove everyone wrong she thought, all of them, including the people who should have supported her the most---her own parents. but highkey though shes super lonely but basically represses that with her undying ambition, but then city and school life makes her highkey more annoyed by other people (likely because she had no clue how to connect with them but dont tell her that). probably will want to learn how to control the tadpole at first for her own power until she starts to unexpectedly not hate her companions, especially karlach because a fine ass tiefling solves everyones emotional problems <3 also i hc that her and astarion get confused as siblings/twins all the time cause of how similar they look she probably hates it. also shes an ISTJ 3w4

anyways thats all IM STILL WAITING ANXIOUSLY FOR THE RELEASE AS WE SPEAK

[jinxxedmisery]

I did a quick little sketch (by quick, I mean it took me like 2 hours lol) I still struggle with feet and shoes...

I just saw a pose on pinterest and thought omg, what if Astarion and my tav... but he's biting their thigh 🤭

Ofc, I had to name it.. thirst... and I added the "Happy" symbol to kind of cover a sketch I did on the same page... You know... it wasn't originally supposed to be just one piece, I was practicing poses and I liked this one way too much to just leave it or risk messing up when I redrew it.

This is entirely self indulgent.. and intended to be Spawn Astarion because he's so babygirl 🥰😘😍

🤣 also I don't think I posted but I got through the Cazador fight not too long ago.. and

Spoilers and dumb ramble ahead:

For most of my day, I sat there wondering how the fuck I would beat that bastard... he was one shotting Shadowheart with his fucking lightning bolt, then sending his gas minions after the survivors. Astarion being in the ritual made it 10× more difficult.. so... I cheated... and fuck... It should have been obvious...

I LITERALLY FORGOT FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THAT VAMPIRES ARE WEAK TO SUNLIGHT.. I blame Astarion and his parasite as well as Alucard for that one honestly.. the day walker thing kind of made me forget that omfg immunity to daylight is an exception, not the rule..

So I felt stupid.. once I got that, it was so much easier.. oh and almost constantly had Astarion in stealth kill mode until Cazadick was gone.

Also side note.. the VA for Cazador is perfect.. Like they really sells the "I'm a pathetic little worm, and your worst nightmare, fear me while I bitch and cry" LOL and again that's a compliment.. Larian really succeeded in making an evil character extremely grating and hatable which again, a good thing, not a bad thing.

The heartbreak I felt though afterwards when Astarion screams and cries.. God.. the second I got to this scene, I KNEW I couldn't let him ascend, doing so would be so cruel.. and yes.. this is ascended Astarion slander, I don't like my men too domineering.. maybe a little bit, but not enough to like kill innocent children and eat their hands or some shit lmfao (Doing a durge run too.. where I'm going to ascend Astarion and be a horrible bastard that eats babies) and I don't like that he loses the genuine feelings he has for tav/durge and becomes what he sought to destroy, an abuser.

Now.. the graveyard scene... I had tears in my eyes.. Honestly, the reason I love Astarion so much is because he is quite relatable. I will not go into detail, but I was.. SAed and abused as a kid. And honestly.. Seeing the bit where he scratched out his death date, made me feel hope.. for myself... For my own healing.. it truly meant so much seeing another survivor of abuse begin anew, find themselves again... even though I have done that already myself for the most part, I've found purpose, passions, love, heartbreak, etc and I've found some level of beauty in the life. I related quite a lot to the line about sex feeling tainted.. I am at a point where it no longer feels as terrible, I feel genuine enjoyment in it... (Can't do casual sex though.. That would trigger me into a ptsd attack) And I think part of that was letting myself go at my own pace, making sure my partners knew, and having control and the ability to consent and revoke consent at any point. Emotional attachment helped a great deal too.

I've rambled on enough.. but... Let me end this off by saying, If you went through unspeakable horrors at the hands of those who you thought were supposed to protect you, You are not alone, Even if you do not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on living, keep trying to find joy in little things. It does get better, what was done to you was horrible and you did not deserve it. I promise, you will see better days. You will be happy again, even if you feel like the pain will never end, there is always moments of calm.... live for those... live for your pets, live for your friends, the people around you, live for that cute thing you just ordered, live for that movie or TV series you're excited about watching... even the next patch for bg3.. or more Astarion content if that's your reason right now... and take it one day at a time. You will be okay.

If you need to vent out some shit, I'll listen, I may not know what to say or be able to offer comfort, but I will always lend an ear, even to a total stranger if they need it.

That's all from me, goodbye, until my next post.. whenever that will be ❤🖤❤🖤

[blackjackkent]

>:3 I've come from A03 and see Requests

I humbly suggest camp shinanagins while Tav/Hec™ is away

(including Karlach?:D)

Or - if more serious

I think it's pretty neat alot of the companions literally reflect the same themes of abuse at the hands of people in charge

I'd love to see Astarion and Karlach or Karlach and Shadowheart or Karlach and-

Jokes aside, honestly any pair realize/talk that out a bit

Hey anon! TYSM for the requests. <3 You sent these a while back so I have no idea if you'll see this but I hope you will. c: I went with the serious prompt first but I will be coming back to the more light-hearted prompt very soon!

Broken Little Puppets

Pairing: Astarion & Karlach Characters: Astarion, Karlach Rating: Gen Content Tags: Dialogue-heavy, bonding, moving on, light angst Word Count: 1.8k Setting: Several days after Cazador boss fight, Lower City camp. Read on AO3 other bg3 one-shots | send me fic requests! Summary:  Karlach supports Astarion after a nightmare about Cazador's ritual - and gets a little support herself in return.

“Hey. Psst. Astarion-- hey, hey!”

Astarion hears Karlach’s voice as if at a great distance. He is at the bottom of a deep black pool of reverie, trapped, drowning while still breathing. The world is far away, and the memories infinitely close, crawling across his skin. 

Images flash through him with agonizing clarity. Some nights they are more indistinct, the accumulated recollections of years upon years of varying torments - but tonight it is almost as immediate as it was in life. The humming power holds him helpless on the edge of Cazador’s ritual circle, stripped of armor and weapons and friends and hope, feeling his master’s ascension starting to boil his blood with agonizing heat…

“No. No-- please--” he whimpers, his head thrashing side to side. “Let me go--”

“Hey!”

The grip on his wrist enters the reverie and pulls. Another force trapping him, another surge of blazing heat. He jerks, lashes out blindly with his free hand, and his knuckles connect with a hard, solid jawline, sending a stab of pain through his wrist and up his arm.

“Ow! Fuck!” Karlach yelps. 

Her voice finally breaks through the reverie, shattering it apart around him. His eyes snap open and he finds himself half-sitting up in his bedroll, looking at Karlach crouched in the tent flap. She's holding her cheek with one hand and looks distinctly startled. 

“What…?” Astarion mumbles, shaking his head to try and clear the lingering fog in his thoughts. “What happened?”

“Well, you punched me, for one thing,” Karlach says. Her usual grin, never far away, is already sliding back onto her face now that she sees him awake. “Didn’t know you had that kind of right hook, Fangs.”

“You never asked,” Astarion says, with a painfully transparent attempt at his usual cocky disdain. He sits up fully, rubbing absently at his stinging wrist. “What’s the idea, grabbing me like that?”

She shrugs, letting her hand fall. There’s a visible bruise already darkening along her jaw; he really did catch her perfectly square-on. “You were, uh, having a nightmare, I think,” she says cautiously. “Or whatever you call it when you’re an elf, doing your elf thing.”

“Elves don’t have nightmares,” he says curtly. It’s not entirely a lie - reverie is not sleep. It serves the same function, at least theoretically, but an elf in reverie is not unconscious and does not dream. He remembers, locked in meditative trance, everything that has ever happened to him, often in brilliant, visceral clarity. If only that truly meant there were no nightmares…

She shakes her head. “Well, whatever it was, you were - I dunno. You were… sort of whimpering, crying out. Sure didn’t seem like you were enjoying it.”

No. No, he most certainly wasn’t. It’s only been a few days since Cazador’s blood splattered over his knife and his hands and his face; those memories are still crisp and fresh, not yet melded in with the rest. “I’m fine.” He smiles thinly. “But thanks ever so much for your concern.”

“Uh huh.” She hunches forward, crouched on the balls of her feet, and rests her elbows across her knees. “You know that’s not at all convincing, right?”

He clicks his tongue and makes a show of rolling his eyes. “Oh, all right, fine, you’ve dragged it out of me,” he says. “It was a sex dream. Very intense, lots of… you know. Positions. Orgiastic debauchery. People hanging naked upside down from chandeliers. Good cause for whimpering, is what I'm trying to say. So unless you’d like to hear all the nasty details, maybe you could just see yourself out of--”

“Astarion.” She’s still smiling, but there's no humor in it suddenly, just a sort of rueful sadness. “I’m pretty dumb sometimes, but I’m not stupid.”

His shoulders slump and he looks away from her, rubbing the heels of his hands to his temples. “Right. Of course.”

She settles forward into a more comfortable kneeling position. She’s so tall that her head still brushes the ceiling of the tent, her intact horn giving a gentle clink against the upper pole. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

She doesn’t make any move to leave the tent, and he doesn’t make any move to force her. They both just sit there, listening to the muted bustle of the city outside their alleyway camp.

After a while he speaks, low, almost inaudible. “I couldn’t possibly explain it,” he says, “in a way that would make you understand.”

“Try me.” She rolls her head to one side, then the other, stretching out the muscles in her neck. “Maybe I’d surprise you.”

“You’re young,” he says bitterly. “How could you possibly comprehend torments that operated on a scale of decades?”

She juts out her jaw thoughtfully. “I had one decade in the Hells. Feels like maybe that counts for something.” When he doesn’t respond, she goes on quietly, “I get nightmares too, y’know. Ten years in the Hells is no two hundred years in Caza-fuck’s dirty basement, but you still rack up a lot of bad memories. And Zariel was just as much of a cruel fucking prick…”

It’s pathetically obvious what she’s doing, of course. Talking first to get him to talk after. He’s not fooled. Sort of endearing, though, he supposes; how many people would actually bother to try?

“Woke up just last night absolutely convinced I was beating the shit out of a hezrou,” she goes on. “You ever see one of them? Nasty little brutes. Only I kept killing it and it kept coming back, and coming back, and coming back…” She stops abruptly, pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them. “Fucked up my pillow something good.”

He grunts noncommittally. Another long silence stretches between them. 

“How’d it feel, killing him?” she asks abruptly. And this time her voice is quieter; it’s lost some of the note of friendly assurance. 

He stiffens. “Surely you don’t need me to tell you what it’s like to kill someone,” he says sardonically. “I think we could both give a lecture on the subject that would put Gale to shame.”

“That’s not what I mean.” She frowns. “How’d it feel killing him?” The emphasis is clearer this time.

“Mm.” He gives her a keen look sidelong. “Rather the way it felt for you to kill Gortash, I imagine,” he says. “Though I think I managed it with more artistic flair. Really spattered the canvas, if you will.”

“Yeah.” She huffs out a breath, rattling her lips dramatically. “Watching you tear him up - it felt good. Wish I'd gone all-out like that, with Gortash. All I did was sink one good one right in his chest, but you left Cazzy just a piece of fucking meat. Shredded him. That’s the way it should be - for him, for Gortash, for Zariel, for all the fuckers who use people like that. Just a piece of fucking meat for some dog to chew on.” 

Her voice has dropped lower, and he can feel the way the temperature in the tent has ticked up a notch or two as her engine starts to rev with agitation. “And even so…” she mutters sourly, “it still doesn’t fucking fix anything, in the end. Their final little laugh at our expense.”

He wants to object, to snarl out, like the wounded animal that he is, that of course it fixed things. He won. He’s alive (in a manner of speaking) and Cazador’s gone. He will never have to follow that bastard’s direction ever again, never again let his body be used, or be compelled to press a hot poker into his own flesh, or sit in solitary confinement while hunger gnaws in his belly like a furious beast. That is all over now, it’s done. It’s gone.

Except it isn’t, not really. 

He is still a vampire. He will still never see his own face in a mirror again, or taste food as anything more than ash on his tongue. The scars on his back are still deep and harsh, spelling out an infernal message of ascension that has lost its only purpose. All the memories of two hundred years of abuse still linger in his mind, ready to be recalled in such clarity as if they happened yesterday.

And the hunger will never, ever, ever stop.

Nothing he did to Cazador changed that in the slightest, just the way nothing Karlach did to Gortash changed the inferno burning in her chest.

He shudders, his shoulders hunching up involuntarily as if recoiling from a blow. “No,” he mutters. “It doesn’t fix a damned thing.”

“Yeah.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “Shoulda seen the way I screamed in Hector’s face when I figured that one out. Still, at least they're dead. And we're free.”

“Free. Yes.” He laughs sharply. “Two broken little puppets with their strings cut.”

She grins - with no humor but with a sort of savage intensity. “And still managing to put on a pretty good show.”

“Are we?” For a moment the sardonic mask slips and he lifts his head to look at her. “I'm not putting on a good show - I'm lost. All of Cazador's power was at my fingertips, and instead I'm sitting in a dirty alleyway listening to Minsc snoring from the other end of the camp. This is no good show. It's a farce.”

She says nothing, just waits, and eventually he adds grudgingly, “But it's my farce.”

“Damn right it is.” Humor flashes back into Karlach's face suddenly. “Besides, who doesn't love a good farce? Mistaken identities, slapstick, dick jokes… the height of entertainment, if you ask me.”

Astarion can't help a slight, crooked grin in return. Karlach's indomitable energy is always infectious, even in the deepest depths of his brooding. “Darling, let me be the first to condemn you as incurably lowbrow,” he says airily, giving a dismissive wave with one hand.

“Listen, vampy, I don't have the kind of time you do to worry about appearances.” She uncurls her legs slowly from her chest to a cross-legged position instead. “Funny thing, y'know. You're gonna go on and on forever, and I've got a year left in me, tops. But we're both fighting the same fight when it comes down to it. Staring down all that freedom, trying to force it into a shape that makes sense. Make something worthwhile out of it before it’s too late.”

Astarion draws his head back and looks at her suddenly as if seeing her clearly for the first time. His fingers fidget absently with the edge of his bedroll. “Well,” he finally says quietly, “I won't give up the fight if you don't, hm?”

Her eyes brighten and she laughs. “Got yourself a deal, Fangs.”

[korcariiwitch]

for all the fellow durge x astarion brainrotters out here.

Sooooooo I kind of wanted to throw this out there as an experiment/tentative prelude, but I’ve been considering for a good long while that I’d like to start posting some BG3 writing on here.

Specifically a dark urge x Astarion story that has been rolling around and banging against the bars of its enclosure inside my head. I think I could also make it a mixture of Astarion x reader/Tav and Astarion x OC!durge too. (And a sprinkling of durgetash too).

Please be aware if you read ahead and haven’t played the origin yet, there will be spoilers. So I’ll leave the rest under the cut!

Essentially I have begun to write about the dark urge origin and my character’s journey. Also about Astarion’s and various ways in which their stories parallel one another. Not that the game itself doesn’t already do an incredible job at this. I just have a lot of headcanons that I think could be fun to explore and flesh out and honestly the brain rot is so bad that if I do not put it somewhere, I will absolutely turn into a mindflayer.

I don’t really have anything linear in mind, closer to a cluster of a bunch of different ideas/moments that I just really want to get out of my brain and word vomit them somewhere. It would be a mixture of post-game adventures, moments during the game’s acts, and also quite a bit of pre-amnesia dark urge and some durgetash for good measure because I am a degenerate.

All that being said – I do absolutely want to be inclusive as much as I can. There will be moments where the story can be written in a more neutral way regarding gender and also not include appearance at all if people would like to imagine themselves/their Tavs/OCs instead. Not everything will be just my OC!durge specific and for those particular moments I will tag them as such (including things like content warnings, etc. so people are aware what they’re fulling getting into).

Don’t get me wrong, I still very much want to write about my durge and flesh our their story and  really get into the nitty gritty of what I felt their journey was like. Also just their own personal character development in juxtaposition with their relationship with Astarion.

It has been a very very very long time since I’ve posted anything online and I know there’s always a risk with doing so, but I’ve just been honestly so genuinely inspired not only by the writing in the game but the incredible content other people have been creating because of this game and I just want to give a shot. To be a small part of it, even if it truly is just only for me (not to sound presumptuous) and no one notices.

At least, I don’t want to make that the main point but I know there’s a lot of you dark urge enjoyers out here and was essentially just wondering if people would be interested in a story like this?

It’d also most likely be 18+ so I was considering either just making a whole other blog or a side-blog to post there since this account is very very old and I wasn’t sure if it’d be safer and more comfortable for people who might want read this.

Again, I really REALLY don’t want to sound pretentious at all. Just thought it might be cool to share and honestly, I’d love to have people to talk about this game with. Especially about the dark urge, I just have so many feelings about it and I enjoy getting to read all the interesting and insightful meta/thoughts/headcanons people have come up.

To quote our favorite fanged boy, “Honestly, I have no idea what we’re I'm doing. Or what comes next.”

[not-poignant]

!!!

palmarosa and 5, 6, 11 & 12 for the fic ask thingy pls! (If that’s too many questions for one ask then just. Any of those. Ty!)

Re: Palmarosa - okay let's gooooo

5: What part was hardest to write?

So far, the sex scenes (although see below for some of my issues re: behind the scenes researching). They honestly are often the hardest parts to write. But also, Astarion is rather more sex averse than I initially imagined him being, but as I've been writing the more 'concrete' fic, I'm finding he is very sex averse and has a lot of reasons to be, and as a result it's slowed Raphael down. It's not bad, but I already struggle with sex scenes in general just because I want to craft something decent.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Mmm. Astarion's a vampire and I actually (can't believe I'm admitting this) don't really love writing vampires! Writing creatures who drink blood to live I think is a tentative first for me, lol. Otherwise there's more similarities than differences. Like, the fandom and characters/pairing are different, but a lot of the themes are the same.

I'd say this is the first world I've written in re: fandom that has this much lore to go through, and almost all of it contradictory in some fashion. So I'm having to do more research kind of like through three separate fandoms to find what I want, or to realise I have to invent something new. That side of things is challenging.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The crunchy dynamic between a not particularly pure-of-heart vampire spawn and a definitely not pure-of-heart devil. I really enjoy their banter. They're both very theatrical and performative. They both like a good show. They both think elements of violence are fun. They're both not particularly concerned with being good people every second of every day.

I get to have Astarion say some really fun lines, and that gets to be relatively in character. I get to have Raphael say some truly unhinged purple prose bullshit, and that's also pretty in character for him! I think I also really enjoy matching the voices as much as possible. I sometimes feel like I can 'hear' them saying their lines, and that feels really good.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

Probably the lack of easy ways to research the dialogue and world etc. I was very spoiled by like... the Dragon Age: Inquisition wiki, and even the Stardew Valley wiki. They have most of the dialogue and written parts there. The BG3 Wiki is kind of terrible for almost everything I need to know and I'm surprised when it can actually help me. It's also not immediately easy to add to, which I've thought of doing in the past (I have a Wiki account, and I have edited/added to them before - but Fextralife is different). And then also, a lot of it is contradictory.

The game writes pretty significant character growth in many different directions which means you can canonically write Astarion as two completely different characters in terms of morality and it still be...canon compliant. And then on top of that, there's just typos and issues - Korilla is 'Korrilla' in almost all the correspondence and texts, and 'Korilla' in the dialogue. So which is it? Do I just get to choose for fun? (I do).

As a result I've read hundreds of raw datamined dialogue files, and that's just laborious, because 90% of that is irrelevant to what I'm doing. In general, there's not a ton to hook into for Raphael, and some of his best lines are actually written down or transcribed.

I don't think anyone will ever truly know how much behind the scenes research I've done for what is ultimately a very Id/ridiculous fic, but I've done a metric fuckton of it. And when people then go 'oh but actually Gale is an X and you got that wrong' I want to claw my own eyes out, because I've spent at least 50 solid hours researching and compiling a fairly information dense Obsidian Vault for worldbuilding, and when I get basic things wrong it makes me want to cry and then immediately quit, lmao.

(In case anyone wants to see what that looks like so far:

--

From this fanfic meme!

[jadewing-realms]

okay okay, I've been listening to Coulda Been Me by The Strats and I'm in my feels and thinking too much but like like people talk about how Astarion turns vampire tropes on their heads and he really does but I haven't seen anyone talk about the specific trope of like

How the entire concept of what it means to be human is such a recurring theme with them and usually, there's an unspoken point of how immortality is dehumanizing and how these vampires live for so long, they're just entirely removed from empathy for mortals because why would they stop to consider it any more than a human stops to consider the life of a fly, which is comparatively short

Something something mortality, knowing it will all end one day, is what drives humans to live well and make the most of the time they have

While immortals are usually the contrast of cold, aloof and removed from the passion that makes life worth living because they're not alive, they're dead men walking and will be forever, so alien they shall become

AND YET

Despite everything

Despite all the horrors he's experienced, despite the understandably devastating blow to his morale, the jaded self-defense mechanisms he developed because of course he did, he had to just to survive

Astarion never really... stops thinking like a mortal. Even after two whole centuries of pure shit, as he so eloquently puts it, the MOMENT he gets the opportunity, the chance at freedom, at living again, he friggin leaps for it and dives in head first

He wants to experience everything he possibly can, he's insatiable, he wants nothing more than to just see, think, do, feel All The Things

He maintains such a zest for life, a passion for freedom and experience, that most vampires in media just. Lack. Or only get back through a romantic subplot pff

He claims a romanced Tav helped him want to live again, but honestly, when Tav can say "nah, you did it yourself, I just gave you a nudge when you needed it" its absolutely the truth. He loves and wants life so badly that he overcompensates, is desperate not to lose it, is almost willing to lose his soul for it if not convinced he doesn't have to

And I've never really seen a functionally immortal character represent such a drive to Live before, its such a break from form

From Dracula and Lestat to Tolkien elves, we're used to seeing a sort of malaise, a despondency and passiveness associated with characters doomed to live forever, to the point that they've forgotten so much of what it means to be alive, truly alive, are confused by the "shortsighted" wants and goals of shorter lived companions, yet here's Astarion, undead yet more alive than any of them

Like, he sells himself so short sometimes, but he's positively bursting with life 24/7, he's vivacious and passionate and his energy is infectious and god, I don't know how anyone could genuinely, thoughtlessly choose the dialogue where you accuse him of having given up while suffering under Cazador, this man is so strong and so determined to live, it's probably what made him the scapegoat in the first place

His character arc is just a battle cry of LIVE

LIVE YOUR LIFE

No matter what you've seen, no matter how you've suffered, there is so much worth living for and all you have to do is reach out and seize every opportunity you get

Don't waste a single moment because time is precious and we never know how much we have

[vole-mon-amour]

I'm pretty chill about sex and especially about fictional characters having any kind of real affect on me in terms of an attraction and a physical reaction, but then Halsin enters the game. he is so. fucking. hot. both as a bear and a human. if anything, his shape-shifting, his experience with other bears (his scar, heh) make him even hotter. i love how his human form is to match his animal one, how tall and big he is.

like, with Astarion it's my typical let me talk to you, let me hold your hand, let me hug you. spending time together and talking is enough. sex is fun, but you have so much trauma, i just want to love, cherish, and comfort you. ngl, I'd like more options with him because his sex scenes are basically: offer him your neck, try to relax and trust him not to bite you, get those fangs away from me. and in the morning he's nervous. he will talk about his scar if you ask, but you can clearly see how uncomfortable he is. and as you progress his romance, the sex scene doesn't change. sure, there's a graveyard scene that i cherish where he says that he loves you and hold your hands and wants to have sex again after you haven't had sex in a while and he was self-conscious about it.

however, I think I expected more from him? he taught Sebastian how to kiss. he can be loving and gentle and passionate. he seduced so many people, he can be so different. he was even used as a sex toy. surely he can do so much more than we're offered in his cutscenes. the other question is whether he truly enjoys it and wants to explore it or if it's numbed to a point and he does what he's used to.

because when you look at sex scenes with Halsin, it's... so fitting to his character? he's had many lovers, he enjoys sex. he enjoys both receiving and giving. his "more?" while he's on his knees in front of my trans girl is one of the things that stuck with me. his sex cutscenes are BEAUTIFUL.

i do wish we had that with Astarion. and I'm not talking sex only, like him maybe biting your thigh or some typical vampire diversity. if he's feeling weird about sex, his body, his trauma, his scar, i want it to be portrayed in the game as we progress. instead of constantly going up to him to kiss him, let me talk to him. let me hug him. as we progress and if the sex scenes don't change, make new interactions the morning after. show us him showing our character more trust. show how he's maybe feeling safer now than before.

i honestly have so many thoughts about it. started with "oh yeah, I'd actually fuck Halsin irl", but then it turned into what i really care about, heh. I'm not looking forward to find a way to kill Cazador without destroying one of the spawns so Astarion can ascend, but Cazador is such a piece of shit and he deserves to be killed again, and again, and again. if only he had the memory of that torture. I'd make sure to make it slow. Astarion deserved and still deserves SO much better than 200 years of abuse and torture. at least I'm glad that in the end he is free from Cazador and other nonsense of his castle. when I think about it, I want to strangle Cazador with my bare hands. ugh.

[wetcatspellcaster]

hi! i just wanted to say that I absolutely love Pieces and I greatly admire your work and also how you write dialogue? Writing witty and interesting dialogue can be a bit of a struggle for me but you write the banter between Rosalie and Astarion so well, it's truly incredibly delightful.

I had a question about something in chapter 20 of Pieces. Specifically, when Rosalie asks Astarion if he likes her fancy glow in the dark bed. This may be a misinterpretation of her character but I never got the impression, based on your other works with Rosalie, that she was the type to really gravitate towards expensive or lavish things but as Rosalie herself has stated her house is atrociously fancy now.

I was wondering if this was a "i'm an extremely powerful archmage and have the money so, might as well" type thing. OR if she made those choices for herself with the, maybe subconcious, thought of "these are things astarion would have liked/appreciated/wanted." Maybe as a way to unintentionally bridge the gap between the life with astarion that she actually wants and the life that she had no choice but to have.

The way she asks Astarion if he likes it, and her reaction to his response, to me made it feel like these choices for her living space weren't just for her own enjoyment but also because she wanted to create a house Astarion would want to live in and his opinion on it matters to her not just because he's now living there but because Rosalie always wanted him to.

I just reread the chapter with the fancy garden and the maze and thought that Rosalie, subconciously creating a fancy house with the idea of Astarion one day living in it, AND the Ascendant, conciously creating this whole fancy ostentatious garden with the idea of one day seducing Rosalie in it, both as ways to make up for the one thing both of them want but don't, and can't, have would be an interesting parallel.

If i'm completely off-base and Rosalie just bought herself a fuck off fancy wizard tower complete with heated floors and glow in the dark canopy beds just becasue she could and wanted to than that's cool too. She deserves it honestly.

Also this ask is so long I am so sorry. Your work has given me brain worms like nothing else and I am forever and always an english major at heart, if I had the time and drive I'd write you a whole mulit-paged essay in which I analyzed each house in Pieces, their significance in the narrative, and what they tell us about each character. I am sosososooo normal about you, I promise.

hi lovely. never apologise for writing something at length, I'm very touched that you thought this much about the story and that you took the time to send me this message! :) i love a little bit of literary analysis!

As an English major, you know that any and all interpretations and reader responses to a text are valid, so if this is how you want to read these moments, please go ahead and read it this way!!! There are some things that you say that touch upon future storybeats I've already drafted, so when we get to those chapters hopefully you'll feel rewarded

But in response to your question, yes, the house *is* out of character :) there's a reason why, in my two timeskips, one Rosalie ends up with a cute little flat and a vault worth of diamonds she bought for Astarion, and the other in a massive fuck-off wizard's tower that is, as we'll find out in future chapters, fancy as fuck. But the logic behind it at my end was slightly different than yours, although yours isn't exactly wrong and as I say, I think you'll find stuff in future chapters that makes you happy!

For me, I see Rosalie's wealth in this timeline as an extreme symptom of how lonely and unhappy she is. As the fic has established, Rosalie felt the need to isolate herself, and also buried herself in overwork to both fund her research into Astarion's cure and distract herself from the realities of her life. So the more and more unhappy/workaholic/lonely Rosalie gets, the richer she becomes - for in this timeline, she has nothing other than work, and no one else she wants to spend all that money on. And so she has this massive house bc she needs to spend that money she's accumulated on something, and if that makes her look happy or comfortable from the outside then that's good because then she's not burdening anyone - exactly the same way that the Ascendent's mansion looks decadent and debauched from the outside, to compensate for his true feelings as well.

One really interesting thing about drafting Act 3 currently, is how much Rosalie's issues are now coming to the fore because Astarion, unlike all her friends, hasn't seen a gradual decline in her character/mental health and happiness. For him, it is sudden and abrupt: he has the bubbly hero from the game timeline, and then this strange reclusive hermit ten years later who, to him, is clearly unhappy. And the tower and the way she lives is one way that becomes clear to him.

I hope that makes sense! :)

[nqgmx]

✧ ASTARION: BALDUR'S GATE 3 - a character analysis

this essay contains HUGE spoilers for baldur's gate 3, specifically astarion's questline! you have been warned lol

so baldur's gate won game of the year and for me that was my sign to finally buy it and try it out; i'm a pretty big dnd player / enthusiast as well as a crpg fan so i honestly have no idea why i didn't buy it sooner. i think like many other players, i was immediately drawn towards astarion's character: he's charming, enticing and he's literally a vampire so... who doesn't love vampires. i've become so hyperfixated on the game and astarion that i decided to watch all of his cutscenes, and one really caught my eye: the scene where you refuse to help him with ascension and he kills cazador. however, rather than being focused on the story of this scene, i was focused on something else...

astarion cries like a child.

and i don't mean that in an insulting way, like 'oOh, asTaRioN cRiEs LiKe a cHiLd', no he actually cries like a young boy, scrunching his face up and just weeping and weeping (and may i just say neil newbon did an INCREDIBLE job during this scene, like he did that in one take?! holy shit!?). it also really makes me think:

astarion is the oldest party member in the game, why does he, of all the characters, cry like that?

like you'd assume wyll or even shadowheart cry like that, but astarion? he's literally a 239 year old charlatan that flirts with you at every chance he gets. the reasonable answer is that the game directors / animators wanted to make the moment as emotional and effective as possible, however i'm an autistic teenage girl with a problem with overanalysing things so guess what i’m going to do? overanalyse it. i do truly think that despite everything, astarion saw cazador as his rock. he was his master, captor and abuser, yes, but he was the only other vampire he knew - he taught him everything. like, picture this, you get turned into a vampire and the only other vampire that you knew was the one who turned you. of course you'd look towards them for support despite everything, like you're a vampire what the fuck else are you supposed to do? i find their relationship so fascinating as on the surface, it's a heavily abusive dynamic with a severe power imbalance, however you look a little deeper and realise the trauma bond that astarion had with cazador. but again, that's just my take on it as somebody who only started playing the game two days ago and hasn't even finished act 1 soooooo

another thing about astarion's character that i really really love is during the cutscene at camp where, after making the correct dialogue choices, he confides in you that for the past 200 years he has sought company through sex, however after meeting your character he realises that he just simply wanted somebody there for him. being hypersexual as a trauma response is fairly common in real life, so adding it to him makes him seem like such a deep and complicated character. i find it so interesting that astarion is the only character in the whole of the game that you can have this unique 'not platonic yet not romantic something inbetween' relationship with. it's a really sweet moment as he's removing his tough persona and is just being honest with you, and it shows how complex of a character he is.

i finally want to take a moment to fangirl and just talk about neil newbon and how be ABSOLUTELY deserved performance of the year at this year's game awards. he's so incredible as astarion, like everything he says makes me feel an emotion (whether it's heartbroken, humoured or flustered as hell) and i have never gotten that in a va performance before. also, the fact that when he was recording his voice lines the crew had to tell him to calm tf down is so funny, and like i mentioned earlier the fact that he did the crying cutscene in one take is so ?!?!?!?! like SIR oh my god?? he 100% deserves that award, and his acceptance speech alone proves it. plus i love him so much for coming up with the goosetarion meme i love it so much it makes me want to explode

apologies if some of the points that i made aren't accurate, like i mentioned before i haven't played too much of bg3 so i could be completely wrong with everything i just said, so please feel free to let me know if i'm incorrect at all!! this is just my yearly tumblr post, i want to start posting more but also i forget about my account and then remember every like six months or so lol

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Thank you so much for opening up matchups, I always love seeing my results! As for myself, I’m an asexual girl who’s somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I adore history, reading, tea, writing, ice skating, art and sewing!

I’m pretty introverted and can get quickly drained being in large social groups or gatherings so I tend to prefer small hangouts or just time spent with one individual. When I really click with a person though I don’t find myself drained and can get pretty touchy and talkative! I have ocd, some past trauma and anxiety issues so if I did have a partner I would hope that they would be open to those parts of me and willing to be there for me when dealing with anything related to that. (And if they had that I’d do anything to help them work through it or just to help them feel comfortable and safe!)

I’m pretty easy going and relaxed for the most part although I am told I can be a bit blunt and that it looks like I’m always glaring (I’m not). I’m pretty upfront in setting boundaries and letting people know what I am comfortable with or not. While I do enjoy easygoing and light conversations, I also appreciate deep and intellectually stimulating discussions (or even just taking the piss out of someone).

Honestly as long as someone is open to engaging with my interests, is there for me both physically (not sex) and emotionally, and accepts me, then I’d be content! I’d be happy with that person no matter what (aka gender and orientation aren’t factors in whether I would like someone or not) although I would hope they are a more clean and tidy person or at least can learn to be one.

A/N: For you @amefuyuu, I’m thinking your best Baldur’s Gate 3 match would be Gale! 

☸ Gale is the right person for you! There’s been some discussion of the lack of ace representation in Baldur’s Gate, however, I read a very interesting Twitter thread that suggested that the characters of Gale and Asatrion could be interpreted as asexual if you squint. Astarion because he’s endured so much trauma, and in Gale’s case because his character makes a point to be clear that what he wants isn’t “just sex”, and that love and romance for him is something much deeper, much more spiritual than anything we could understand in just the physical realm. I’m not sure Larian would label Gale as asexual outright; instead, I believe it’s meant to be up for your interpretation. In this case, I see Gale as greysexual/demisexual. For him, sex is only wanted or a positive thing if he's developed a true romantic connection first. That being said, I think he’d also truly value a mostly aromantic companion, as long as your relationship is based on mutual respect/admiration and communication. He’s been holed up in that tower of his in Waterdeep for so long, so alone. He needs a companion he can't open up to. A companion he can enjoy quiet studying with. Someone who won't judge him too harshly for the mistakes of his past; someone who can see past his shortcomings into the kind of man he could be. And in return, I’d imagine he’d do the same. 

Gale loves history! He’s a bit of a history buff himself. Sure, most of it pertains to the history of magic or The Weave, but he’s also quite knowledgeable about the history of Waterdeep. He’d love exchanging knowledge with you- you tell him what you know of your world and he’ll tell you what he knows of his. And reading, oh my goodness! The man practically has his own private library back home with hundreds of tomes dedicated to all sorts of subjects. And although he may initially be hesitant to admit it, he has an entire section dedicated to nonfiction. 

Gale would love nothing more than to spend a beautiful sunny afternoon with you outside his home in Waterdeep, picnicking and having tea while you each sit in each other’s company, reading your respective favorite books. When the weather turns colder, he’d love to go ice skating with you. Well, he’d like to watch you ice skate, while he keeps his feet firmly planted on the ground beyond the rink. He’s not the smoothest of people. But that doesn’t mean he won’t go above and beyond to make it happen for you! Even conjuring an ice rink himself with a spell if he has to. If it really makes you that happy, then it’s worth it to him. 

Gale may not be the finest connoisseur of art, but he does enjoy showing off the things you create. And he’s very happy someone between the two of you knows how to sew. It’s also so bothersome to rip a hole in your clothes after an adventure or battle and need to go all the way to a tailor to get them fixed. 

Gale prefers smaller crowds as well. And he comes with his fair share of trauma- being raised by a single mother, his fallout from his unbalanced relationship with Mystra, to being infected with a Mind-Flayer parasite. He can be rather anxious himself, which is why he tends to talk in circles sometimes. He’s not always trying to be elusive, it’s just that it can be hard openly admitting your feelings when you don't know if the audience is right. He won’t ever judge you for the things you deal with, be it your anxiety or OCD. He knows he has his fair share of quirks and absolute ‘no-nos’ that most partners would find a bit annoying. He’s extremely grateful for how patient you are with him. He understands, even more so with you by his side, that healthy relationships are give and take across the board. Everyone has their moments. Everyone takes their turn. And that’s alright. It just means you’re human. (Or you know, whatever humanoid Faerun creature you happen to be!)

Typically easygoing himself, Gale is happy you’re not overly boisterous like Karlach. He too prefers more stimulating conversations. (He also secretly enjoys ribbing those he’s closer to, and he’s a fairly big fan of puns. But it might take a while for him to reveal those little fun facts to you.)

And while his workspace might be a bit messy, he’s more tidy than not. Granted, things may get strewn about here and there after a night of spell research, but he makes a point to eventually put things back where they came from. He learned this the hard way when he left a book out on his bed only to come back to it to find Tera sleeping soundly on its open pages. He was forced to wait for hours to finish his spell! All because he didn’t want to wake her by retrieving the book. (He has since done what he can to ‘tressym proof’ his home lol.) 

Honestly, Gale doesn’t mind not having sex. He’s used to it. He just really misses the other kinds of physical affection: hugs, pats on the back or shoulder. Touch can be so healing and grounding, but it’s hard to get any of that when you isolate yourself in a tower for years. He’s very pleased you care enough about him to give him that much. 

He thinks himself so blessed to have you in his life. 

[thetrashppl]

here's tavaris' overtly complicated relationship chart with all companions and a long ass draft explaining each that will probably be edited every week lmao

you've been warned

part 1 of the rambles under the cut

also feedback welcomed, as i have a lot to learn about all the characters still :)

WYLL: this is hard for tavaris to acknowledge, but he feels very small next to Wyll when they first meet. at first wyll's hero status awakens a lot of insecurities in him during their first weeks together, cause i doubt Wyll would approve of most of Tav's rogueish, thief-like strategies, and that makes Tav feel judged and kinda embarrassed since, at his core, he does respect and even admire heroes like Wyll. his own career as a thief wasnt so much of a choice, more like one of the very few options he was given. he's always loved stories about heroes and dashing princes, still keeps a few in his bag, and he knows Wyll is a good man. an amazing man, when he finds out how much he gave up of his life just for the sake of others. thats the first moment his misguided anger falters, sees Wyll for who he truly is, beyond the hero tales, and he doesn't really blame wyll for having to keep this a secret (he has his own) but tavaris is full of complexes he hasn't worked through, and he kinda refuses to give up on that anger even after this revelation. because he grew up as an urchin, feeling 'lesser', the more tav finds out about wyll's upbringing, despite his humble begginings and not being born into it, the worse those insecurities get this animosity is obviously one-sided, though, as wyll does disapprove of some of tav's actions, and he doesn't fully trust him at first, but in his case all of it is mostly justified, as tav is quick to anger the first days after the crash and wyll can tell tav doesn't have full control over his emotions, which concerns him a lot more than any petty thievery ever would (honestly he doesn't care that much, tavaris just thinks it's part of the reason why Wyll disagrees so often with his approaches). in lesser words, tav feels volatile to wyll. but, and this is why it's onesided, Wyll knows Tav has ultimately noble intentions for the grove, and gets to see Tav putting his neck out there in exchange of veeery little coin, so he can tell there's something greater under the nonchalant rogue impression tav might put up at first at some point Tav kinda snaps at Wyll for no reason, just all of his shit building up under pressure until he simply snaps at nothing. after some awkwardness, they both sit down and they talk. they talk a lot and tav opens up about his warped perceptions and slowly comes to realize how unfairly he's treated wyll, of all people. his apology is clumsy, as he still needs to truly understand where all that shame comes from, but it's enough to put them back on a better path. wyll on his part admits that this adventure might require more than one trick to get through it and that he's willing to look to the side sometimes so tavaris can do his thing, long as he knows what he's he's doing, their goals dont falter and no innocent person gets harmed in the process it never truly grows into an equal understanding between them, however? as tavaris thinks a lot more of wyll than wyll does of him, even coming to develop a little bit of a puppy crush, after they mend things up. and it's not reciprocated for no other reason than just, lack of closeness, ig. but tavaris tells wyll about how he'd sneak on roofs to watch dancing lessons through strangers' windows, so wyll teaches tav to dance as you would at fancy balls and masquerades. they make jokes about their matching eye trauma. tavaris finds out that the blade has a muuuch better, spicier sense of humour than he first gave him credit for, too, being one of the few companions to often join in tavaris and karlach's jokeful banters, astarion's, even. and ultimately, they're both sworn to protect each other, a promise they keep long after the nightmare is over

SHADOWHEART: at first tavaris isn't all that patient with her secrecy, mostly due to his own heightened paranoia after the accident triggered a lot of shit he had buried DEEP. shadowheart obviously doesn't appreciate his response when she settles these boundaries, so the relationship is tense at first once Shadowheart starts opening up he chills a bit, though he doesn't keep to himself that it all sounds a lil fucked up to him. doesn't give a shit about worship, doesn't know enough to care just, wow, does it have to be like that? shadowheart even if obviously defensive still appreciates the fact he's not rejecting her company after knowing the truth, just being forthright about his views on the matter, and obviously (from her pov at that point, naively) concerned about her wellbeing with tavaris being an impulsive gremlin sometimes and shadowheart being the one proper healer of the group, they spend a lot of time in the same group when exploring, and that time spent together and the trust that tav has to put on her when she has to heal him makes them grow closer faster than most other companions. shadowheart also finds tavaris hilarious once they get past the initial awkwardness (laughing both with AND at him lmao) so much so that she starts finding him a bit endearing they make it a habit to hang out at night sometimes, sharing a glass of wine together, as they both seem to be ppl that drink for escape or recreation, and tav also starts opening up to her about his own shit and regrets, cause after what she's been through and what she considers 'normal', he doubts she'd judge, or make a big deal about it, which makes it easier for him to open up. this closeness, something they're both not really used to, leads to a very awkward and clumsy makeout session one of those nights that they both instantly regret. if anything it helps them confirm there's no deeper feelings between them, neither an attraction deeper than friendly intimacy, just a very comfortable and accepting presence for each other. they still sit on each other's laps and are very cool with closeness and intimate gestures during those nights together, as even though they're both a bit stunted when it comes to emotions, it just feels safe and they both have seen a lot of each other by now to really make a big deal out of it. it's a clearly defined dynamic, to put it down shortly after that there's a bump or two along the way, especially during shadowheart's quest, before she makes the big decision, cause tav is not one to keep his opinions to himself neither filter them, and he has a lot to say while exploring the temple and about shadowheart's intensified faith in the face of the trial. in tavaris' run, she ultimately gives up shar. tavaris is there for her while she processes what happened and what is next, as best as he knows how, though he's not in a good spot himself at that point of the story (and the fact he failts to communicate this doesnt help the matter) but it's just bumps like that, what you can expect from a close, caring relationship between people that are still finding their purpose and facing so much at once. they remain very good friends after everything is over.

MINTHARA: unfortunately, cause i'd LOVE to explore her character, they're enemies and little else, though i can promise you, if we could save the grove AND keep minthara alive without bugging the fuck out of the game, tavaris would give her a second chance

LAE'ZEL: the relationship with lae'zel is something i'm still working at, cause there's a lot about her i have yet to see and read, but baSICALLY- at first it starts mostly neutral. tavaris doesn't know enough about gythyanki to feel like he can judge what still sounds to him like more blind faith, but that also means he'll often ask her to explain things about her culture, always curious to know more about the world (used to be a biiiig reader), which, even if it doesn't look like it, makes lae'zel feel less isolated. he also appreciates that she's not judgy about his rogue-ish approach to things sometimes, but he does feel a bit on edge around her (too cool with cold murder for his taste). lae'zel doesn't feel much towards tavaris beyond 'we share a problem and we can be usefulf or each other' though sure, sometimes, he can be tolerable- but she finds him too 'undisciplined', not so much judging his actions or reactions, but the lack of planning or finesse to them during a very risky, urgent situation. however those first weeks when tavaris is constantly on edge after the crash (not unlike her) he acts a little more aggresively, right, has a shorter fuse, but rather than just resorting to violence or intimidation, all those years using persuasion and deception to survive dull his edges enough so that it almost seems like he knows what he's doing lmao (though to his credit, he's better at reading people than he believes to be). that plus not being afraid to get his hands dirty in battle appeal to lae'zel enough to want a taste, just to let off some steam, and she lets him know as directly as she's known for. tavaris issss still working out some stuff about himself. he truly believes he wants this, it's not his first casual hookup. but part of him is tired of that. part of him craves something intimate, personal. he had it once, or so he thought, and the way he lost it left a huge mark in him. on him. while he obviously consents to these encounters, and has his fun with it, wants it to be enough for him, there's an emptiness he never quite manages to get rid of. after the crash, a lot of this stuff is brought to the surface. he tries to enjoy himself that night with lae'zel (though even he is caught off guard by the intensity djfsifdj) but something feels off the entire time. when lae'zel offers a second, he initially is down for it, but as soon as it starts he feels off enough that he has to cut it short. explains it to lae'zel, best he can word it. lae'zel throws some of her own personal brand of advice, which is basically 'if this doesnt work for you then find something that does and don't bring yourself to harm like an aimless fool', something like that, i have yet to grasp her voice. at this point lae'zel doesn't care enough for it to truly affect her, it's his loss. but it also means this doesn't affect their relationship for the worst, either. and it helps start an important personal growth for tavaris. as their adventure continues, and as tavaris grows along with the other companions and his personal quests, experiences he starts to realize are twisted mirrors of his own trauma, he also starts to appreciate just how much lae'zel is putting at risk to help them, not just herself. and to see exactly the brand of bullshit she's being fed. how terrified she is. their relationship isn't warm, per se, but he refuses to see lae'zel lost to the lies of her queen and lae'zel is one of the few people to grab him by the shoulders and shake him when he starts to fall as well for certain manipulators, refusing to let him give himself up regardless of what's promised. she's the one that reminds him, plain and simple, that he's not alone. to trust in his and her skills, as well as the other companions', as much as she does. and that there's always a (more efficient) way ahead

[fan-tav-stic]

Kairius and 4 for Shadowheart and Karlach for the Tav questions?

Hell yes! Kairius time baybeeeeee!

Shadowheart:

4. What did your character think about Shadowheart’s devotion to Shar, including her memory sacrificing?

Honestly, Kairius isn't spiritual and doesn't know a lot of gods/goddesses to begin with so when she "confessed" that she was a Shar worshipper his first reaction was "Sorry who?" and then "Oh... Is that all? Why would I care who you worship, worship whoever you want."

When she confided in him about her memory sacrifice he was a little perturbed and it raised a few concerned red flags but he trusted her enough that if this is what made her happy then he'd support her.

When it came down to the gauntlet though that's where most of the concerns REALLY came to light. Her determination to do the trials on her own (He literally had to force her to cheat and let Astarion to Soft Step and for her to use fly for Leap of Faith), the blood sacrificing, and reading all of the books in the library, he had an incredibly bad feeling about the whole thing and he couldn't be more right.

He felt a little regretful and stupid that he didn't see it all before they were in front of the Night Song. He was able to talk her down from killing Aylin but he can't help but feel responsible and guilty for killing her one dream and making her betray her goddess even though he knows deep down that it was for her own good.

Shar didn't love her as much as she thought and for SURE didn't have Shadowheart's best interest in mind.

Karlach:

4. How did your character feel about Karlach using soul coins? Did they give her any?

Okay going to be real, I as the player straight-up forgot soul coins even EXISTED lmao. Like I don't think I've used a single one in his entire playthrough. I think I used ONE in Silas' save?????? but that's it really whoopsie

To actually answer the question:

Again, he's not spiritual in any sense so he doesn't really feel bad about using them. He's not even sure he truly believes a soul can become trapped in a coin like that.

Had he remembered to he would have absolutely given them to Karlach. He loves seeing her absolutely BODY people in battle, she's their heaviest hitter and to make her even more powerful is always the fun and correct choice in his eyes.

Thank you so much for asking btw! <3 :3

[collegeoflore]

1, 10, 25 for both blorbos B)

posting these answers out of order because 10 for xarrai got longer than i meant LOL it’ll be under a cut at the end :)

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

xarrai:

see i could give you a cop out answer and just say The First Sixteen Years Of Her Life. but that isn't entirely true. there's an element there of like.... yes she would like to forget, but the memory is the only thing standing between her and becoming the exact thing she hates. she clings to the memory of her early life in mulmaster because she fears she'll give in to temptation without it. and also like. who would she be without it? there's no "before" for her, she was like four or five when the zhentarim bought her, she doesn't Have any memories that aren't bane's church or what came after so. idk. it's complicated. all of them and none of them?

or, funny answer: one time she fully poured wine down the front of nysene eomane’s dress at a party. it was like 85% an accident. and while xarrai is stunningly hard to embarrass that one DID get her (partially because nysene’s brother would not let her live it down)

ieriyn:

oh man. when ieriyn was like 11 or 12 he got into an argument with his older brother that resulted in a wild surge that burned down a wing of their manor and left his brother badly injured. thankfully the fire was contained fairly quickly and ieriyn and his brother were the only ones hurt (and ieriyn not even all that badly) it was far from his first wild surge (that was when he accidentally turned his older sister and one of the cats on their estate into ducks when he was really young) but it was the first one that made him really truly afraid of what he's capable of.

funny answer for ieriyn as well: the time he got caught trying to sneak back into his house drunk after sneaking out with a couple of friends when he was like 16 and one of house staff found him in the bushes trying to figure out how to cast levitate to get back to the second floor window. the staff member ratted him out to his dad and he was in trouble for weeeeks

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

xarrai:

xarrai is my baby i love everything about them and they've never done anything wrong in their whole life. no notes. okay but honestly though, and i guess this is less about Them specifically but whatever, i really like the way their story fits into the plotline of the game and into the world as it stands. i really lucked into it honestly bc i was making shit up as i went but they slot so well into the world and mesh well with the party and their personal story feels just similar enough to the other characters' that it works. and part of that is because i have just stolen a bunch of pieces of the durge plot and made it bane flavored so of course it's going to work, but i also only did that because that's the direction their story was starting to take anyway. also i love bards i love little guys who make music and tell stories because i'm a little guy who makes music and tells stories :) i don't talk about that part of xar's life as much on tumblr dot com bc i'm busy talking about them fucking nasty or arguing with astarion but like. they truly do love playing music and singing songs and telling stories and writing their own poetry and ballads it's and they looooove the attention of performing tbqh :) i love bards :))))

ieriyn:

i love wild magic i love wild magic i love wild magic. also i love the shape his arc is starting to take and i'm having so much fun getting him there. i started with a general idea of where ieriyn starts (selfish spoiled rich kid and black sheep of his family) and where he's going to end up (someone who is willing to blow himself up With gale in the final battle (this may or may not happen for his canon. but the important part is he will be willing to do it.)) and left myself a big space to play in in the middle and rly let his rolls drive his story and now i'm getting to Discover Who He Is. also. i love wild magic. i loooove when magic is big and scary and dangerous and unpredictable and i love when its wielders rise to the challenge instead of trying to contain it :^)

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

xarrai:

i am constantly constantly constantly rotating the ascended!astarion/absolute!xarrai au in my mind. granted i have basically no idea how the absolute ending actually goes because i haven't played or watched it myself so it's all like vague squishy ideas and Vibes in my head but i am deeeeeply obsessed with it. i'm not sure what series of events would have to happen for it to actually play out, because honestly with xarrai's anger issues and codependency with astarion i think the most likely outcome of him ascending is them flying off the handle and more or less forcing him into killing them (a very "if we can't be better than what made us i'm at least gonna try to take you down with me" vibe) BUT. assuming they do not. i could see xarrai looking at astarion's ascension as more or less confirmation that they also have no chance at true freedom and they may as well embrace what they have and so they turn back to bane. there's lore here i am Not going to explain bc it would take like four paragraphs of rambling but the crux of it is like. they Are in canon offered a chance to regain bane's favor in act 3 so there is precedent here and a way it would work plot wise for their story i think.

anyway i think they don't actually tell anyone Aside from gortash that they are back on their banite bullshit and they do actually let astarion turn them because they know it will lull him into a false sense of security and let him feel like he's won. they know the tadpole will preserve their free will and they're not too concerned about actually being vampire spawn because they Have A Plan. so they play the long game and let astarion believe he owns them and start playing out all his little power fantasies until they get to the morphic pool. the whole time they're telling everyone they're going to kill gortash when they get there and by the time anyone realizes they're lying it's too late :) and then. idk what happens bc idk how the absolute ending works other than gortash beefs it at some point. (which works well bc xarrai was DEFINITELY gonna betray him asap. he's a weak tyrant if he's willing to share that power w/anyone but bane himself. that's Tyranny 101) but the general idea is that xarrai and astarion become each others' worst nightmares and are locked in a toxic power struggle astarion has no hope of winning while the world around them descends into chaos. they both embrace what they were meant to be and make everything infinitely worse for it. :) in my ideal world there would be a way for xarrai to use the netherbrain to usurp bane himself and then destroy the brain after (or maybe for them to just recover and reforge the crown of karsus on their own and skip becoming the absolute/using the brain entirely who knows) and it would be a kinda god gale situation because like. the important part for them is not dominating every realm it's destroying what hurt them and on the top of that list is 1. bane and 2. astarion. and i think the dynamic that would exist between god of tyranny!xarrai and ascended!astarion would be like. delicious. he prayed to all the gods and none answered except the one he made with his own two hands. :) he thought he could own them and instead he's at their mercy :) they put their faith in him as their second chance at freedom and when he let them down they decided to make the same choice he did :)

as a bonus i think gale would be fucking livid if xarrai gave him their whole big speech about Not Becoming A God only to literally turn around and become a god. like that would be really fucking funny.

ieriyn:

i'll be so real right now i have no idea. i haven't even finished the game with him yet so i feel like i need to like. figure out what his canon actually is before i'm thinking too hard about AUs BUTTTT i could see a very stereotypical coffee shop au working for gale/ieriyn. i am deeply not a coffee shop au girlie but barista ieriyn trying his best to seduce professor gale when he comes in every morning for his latte could be so cute. ieriyn 100% has "i'm going to get that old man pregnant" energy that i don't get to explore enough in canon because he's busy being traumatized or whatever :/ (not that gale is an old man. but larian isn't giving ieriyn many options for beautiful older men to lure in with his autistic tboy swag and prettyboy looks so he will have to count)