#which is a thing i am Very Much interested in bc the internet has spoiled me with its indexing and yet i love analog information

[hua-fei-hua]

when i was a kid i really resented the fact that my mom kept forcing us to check out nonfiction books alongside our fantasy novels in order to "broaden our minds" and basically ensure we were learning Real Factsies(tm), but now that i'm older, if i don't go off and learn some Real Factsies(tm) every so often, then i'll end up finding my fictions dull and uninspired

[nachosncheezies]

In defense of late-canon x files (including the revivals)

I was thinking about this poll after I commented on it, and I kinda want to be brave and say more.

Short answer to the poll's question before I go any further: If you're a new fan and a sensitive sort who thinks you'll struggle with your blorbos Really Going Through It and you really need a happy ending, I suggest you stop at the end of season 8. Do not pass go, do not look at spoilers. Disregard this post entirely, close the internet, and go look at something that makes you happy. (Also fuck every part of society that characterizes sensitivity as inherently weak and bad and some kind of personal failing, you are valid.)

That said, "quality" as a concept is entirely subjective, and the question of whether or not there's a decline in quality for any story is wholly subjective, too. In the case of x files? I'm not convinced there is a decline. I am going to be upfront that I haven't yet watched past season 8, though I am almost completely spoiled on events after that - and the reason I haven't watched yet is not because of how I know events are going to unfold, but simply because I don't want it to end!!! Ohh, the tension between "I CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "Nooo don't be over D:"

When I first came to txf fandom on tumblr and gradually became spoiled about what happens in late canon though, I was often left uncomfortable and tbh kinda queasy about it. As I said in my comment on the poll, the hate for especially the revival and IWTB, or to a lesser extent even seasons 8 & 9, is very well documented. But! There are other takes to be found here on tumblr if you figure out where to look, and my feelings have changed!

The thing is, I have yet to find myself in any fandom where there isn't a vocal subset of fans who dislike the story after a certain point. I am not joking when I say that no one hates the things they love as passionately as sci-fi and fantasy fans. In my experience, it often hinges on the extent to which a viewer has strong notions on where they would like the characters to end up. In particular with series where shipping is a dominant component for the bulk of a fandom, I have almost universally found that there comes some turning point in the story where "let them be happy you cowards" is the dominant view, and things that compromise the attainment of a degree of romantic stability and/or domesticity are, to many fans, annoying at best and despicable at worst. But! As one tagset on the linked poll said:

and I think for any fandom, that last tag especially is so so so important. (I think that's harder for people watching a weekly series live, bc you have so much time to analyze and speculate and dream before the next breadcrumb drops, but I digress.)

So why am I saying this and how do I apply it to x files? Well, I eventually found that there are also a subset of fans who find redeeming things right up to the very end and actually quite like the whole thing! The things that I had seen people rage and ventpost so much about honestly never quite sounded to me as "out of character" or "untrue to the story" etc as those same ventposts made them sound. And I've discovered I'm not the only one who felt that way. Do I love that the spooky squad had to go through all of those things? No, those poor guys D: Life is hard and they have been through so much trauma. But do those events and their choices make sense to me in light of everything that came before? Yes! And I honestly can't wait to see them fight to overcome those things, breaking, healing, always learning, always growing, always getting better.

So if you're wondering "where does it go wrong"... well, I'm a completionist, as many people who've answered that post are, but also my personal opinion is that I don't think it does go wrong. If you're new and interested in exploring why I've gone from "vaguely queasy" to "excited" about the whole thing, or want to maybe balance out the impressions you're getting about the later seasons before deciding whether or not you want to see the whole thing, I'll put a few blog names in the comments.

Final admission: even once I started feeling a little more confident in the possibility that "actually ok maybe I'm not crazy, maybe this all kind of is in character and does make sense", there was one big plot point that I was NOT looking forward to and I thought I would never be comfortable about. In hindsight, I think my discomfort came from the negative responses being SO seemingly universal that I hadn't stopped to let myself truly consider other possible interpretations on that point. (I mean my initial instinct when I first read about it was, why are we mad about this?? CSM is literally the most unreliable narrator in history???? it's obviously fake news?????? this must be either a fever dream someone's having or it's a misdirection ploy against whatever shadowy forces might still be lurking?????????????? but for whatever reason I guess I had halfway written that off.) Happily, just last month there's a new post-s11 novel out, and although reviews for the book as a whole are mixed, it seems to have laid the groundwork for resolving that plot issue in a way I think most fans would be broadly happy with. If you're interested in being spoiled about that and seeing how, I recommend searching #perihelion on @agent-troi who liveblogged reading it with receipts, scroll back chronological-style to the first post on the subject and see how it unfolded. (And never forget that Dana Katherine Scully is the queen of denial as a coping mechanism lol)

Everyone's mileage will vary. Each person can feel however they want! But for anyone new, I wanted you to know that the very many ventposts you might be seeing are not all there is to this show or its fandom. Some of us love it despite - or even because of - all the things that went "wrong". I think we just don't talk about it as much.

[oodlyenough]

6-2 magical turnabout

I gotta admit I was deeply skeptical of this one, because it felt weird to jump back to Apollo and Athena and Japanifornia after the tutorial, and I'd heard about the uh questionable way Phoenix and Trucy's relationship is handled, and the Gramarye retcon stuff was a mess ...

but I actually really liked it! At least as much as Turnabout Academy, where I think they are similarly "so dumb it loops back around to being fun" (not a bad place to be for an AA filler case). What gives this one the edge is that SOJ has actual gameplay again. Thank fucking god. I can click things! I can investigate! There are minigames! I have to solve puzzles myself instead of waiting for NPC Athena to do it for me! These are the most basic elements of an AA game and somehow Dual Destinies had none of them, making SOJ feel like a revelation. So I think that makes this my fave case since AA4? Wow

Anyway let's get into it

I like the idea of defendant Trucy. Trucy was so ignored in AA5, and even in AA4 where she was a major player we rarely dealt with how she honestly feels about things. So it was nice to explore that a little more. Being a defendant is a rite of passage for an Ace Attorney character. She's all grown up now.

A magic show as the scene of a murder is a really fun idea also. It just gives great excuses for the shenanigans that take place in any murder case, and the solution feels less contrived bc it is with a perpetrator and a set design where those things are expected and facilitated naturally without a shit ton of contrivances and coincidences.

Apollo and Athena, for all my complaints about how they cannibalize each other's screentime just by simultaneously existing, are a fun team. And this time we actually got a lot of interactive banter because we actually got to CLICK STUFF wow so great much gameplay.

I do really enjoy Athena. I wish this franchise would get out of the habit of creating these interesting but half-baked characters just to park them immediately in the next instalment to create more interesting but half-baked characters. I have the rest of SOJ to go but I don't imagine Athena will have much of a role to play in it, just like how Apollo got shafted in DD to make way for Athena, and Trucy fared even worse. The main cast is so bloated the games can't balance everyone.

I am THRILLED Ema is back. Some of her new sprites are sf cute too. Overall, I have to compliment SOJ's sprites, which are very detailed and have lots of different animations. Many characters have new/more expressive ones, and they look way better than DD's 3D models.

The Gramarye lore is a hot mess. I do not believe the new writer remembered that Trucy is a Gramarye on her MOM'S side, since apparently the "Gramarye creed" was "passed down from my father, from his father", making it... the Enigmar creed. I also, generally, could probably have done without some of the way the Gramaryes were discussed here. They were pretty obviously a toxic shitshow nightmare in AA4, and Phoenix explicitly wants to protect Trucy from the truth of that. Here, we introduce the Jonkler out of nowhere, and have him cursing Magnifi and taking his revenge on ... the toddler... and it's all just a little bit weird. The poster of him being CANCELLED is the funniest thing I've ever seen though so I can forgive a lot of it just for that.

Also where is my man Valant. Why the hell would Trucy invite the Onceler to her show and not him lmao. Justice for Valant!!

I've also never wished Apollo knew his heritage more than in that last bit where Tony Stark was raving about how he defeated the "last" Gramarye lmao.

Nahyuta is ... fine so far. Honestly I know he's so unpopular in fandom but he's kind of fine so far? Not an immediate fave, but not even in my bottom two. The bit where he talks about studying Japanifornian culture made me think of the Dalek that "knows everything" because it downloaded the internet in 2013.

I've been semi-spoiled for Apollo and Nahyuta having a history together, and I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised that the game is not concealing this, but teasing it right from the off. I liked that in Apollovision his dialogue box is labelled "Nahyuta" even though everyone in-dialogue is calling him by his surname. I suspect this might be more a game dev limitation (character limit?) than anything else, but even if that's the case, it's a happy coincidence. The real test will be if they manage to stop Nahyuta and Apollo from feeling like a redux of Edgeworth and Phoenix, or Athena and Blackquill. Much of my issue with the end of DD was that it felt like we were just revisiting the trilogy's greatest hits without the same depth. But... whatever. I'm intrigued enough, at this point.

The biggest problem with this case, the elephant in the room, is Phoenix, who is inexplicably not there for his daughter's debut, did not even send flowers (apparently), and does not even talk to her on the phone in the last scene. This is exceedingly stupid and reeks of a total narrative oversight because they're not even trying to make some kind of point about Nick being a bad father. It's just a total lack of thought or effort. But ... anyway I have a whole other post written up about how Trucy and Phoenix's relationship is written in all the games, so, more on that another day, I guess. TL;DR Canon is a liar sometimes.

The "Gramarye[Enigmar] Family Motto" stuff, which is already so similar to the Mia Fey wisdom, could've just been collapsed into one thing: Trucy as a performer adapting that lawyer motto to her own life would be a nice way to show how Trucy is influenced by Phoenix, as well as Apollo and Athena. But uh, well, the game doesn't seem to care much about Trucy and Phoenix, so. I also find the "smile though your heart is breaking" mantra, including the JUDGE telling Trucy to look happy lmao??!?!, is like, kind of weird tonally, to the degree where I wonder if there's a culture gap happening. But I don't know enough about Japan to say.

Overall, though, I enjoyed this case. SOJ is off to an OK start with me so far, at least in comparison to DD.

[cross-d-a]

if you're doing those characters then please give me more amazing takes on princess mute 🥺💕

OMG IM SO LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT HERE I FINALLY AM

Also omgg thank you SOSOSO much for asking me about Princess Mute?? THE LOVE OF MY LIFE??? You know me so well, vish!! I love and adore you so much!! Thank you for giving me the chance to blabber on about the woman I love!! ⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ ᗨ ˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾

ALSO! I’m gonna do my best to like- not spoil all my plans for whispers, haha

The rest is under the cut bc I just have a lot of FEELINGS~ about our resident zombie girl 

❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

How I feel about this character

OH BOY OK I JUST??? LOVE HER??? A LOT???? I wasn’t expecting to get quite so immediately and intensely attached to her?? But from the second I heard about her in the legend I was just gone. Completely done for. I’m generally a sucker for mythology, and there’s just SO MUCH that’s fascinating about the tale behind the Princess Mute and the South Sea King? 

Even though Princess Mute is so central to the myth, the South Sea King is deemed as the most important? I mean- duh it is his tomb, but Princess Mute is the catalyst? None of this would have happened without her? She’s main character material and yet she isn’t the main character of her own story?? She has practically no agency? It’s so? Fucking? Fascinating?? And there is so fucking much left unanswered? The myth says she turns into a goddamn monster?? Is this- figuratively? Or literally? Is she a monster for breaking gender norms and committing the ultimate taboo by killing the Emperor??? Like- holy FUCK? Like- LOOK at this pic from Ershu’s Expensive Powerpoint:

and a close-up for good measure:

(note the HORNS/HELMET?? the LIGHTNING STRIKE!!! 👀👀👀 how she’s dressed as a SOLDIER?? that SPEAR??? also she’s depicted as much bigger than the emperor!! which, of course, means she’s more important!!!!)

and, HELLO!! She’s called the PRINCESS MUTE. She is only known/named in association to someone else. Her name has been erased from history. It isn’t important to anyone. Which is so fucking ironic. She’s Princess Mute. Her voice has been stripped from her, just like her agency. This tale is the Mute Emperor’s and not her own. Her suffering means nothing to anyone. Her life means nothing other than for the Emperor to desire and the South Sea King to mourn over (and WOW!! ISN’T THIS JUST!! SO perfectly encapsulating Nanpai Sanshu’s female characters and their relevance to the story/male characters)

(so what is her goddamn name???? I mean, I know what I’ve named her, but sorry dudes. Again. I don’t wanna spoil too much :) )

also, WHY is the South Sea King covering her eyes when she’s sent off to sea in the origami boat?

What actually happens to her after this? The body we see of the South Sea King has long white hair so I assume he died pretty old? So why does she look so goddamn young? 

And- the million dollar question here (WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF HEADCANONS FOR BUT I DON’T WANNA SPOIL WHISPERS): What happened to her after she killed the Emperor????

ALSO!! WHY IS SHE HOLDING A DINGLAN RULER WHEN SANSHU FINDS HER IN THAT FIRST EXPEDITION?? (internet says it’s a “special ruler used for making shrines, carving wood statues and making tablets of gods. Later used in measurement of architectural scale; measuring instrument for the netherworld, wishes best for tomb owner) did she design her own father’s tomb?? is there more to her becoming a leather figurine than filial loyalty/sacrifice?? 

Why does she have a tattoo?? I go a bit into this in my fic, but from my understanding it was unusual for people (women especially!) to have tattoos during this time! (this is just from my research! if I am wrong please correct me!) 

For anyone who hasn’t read whispers, there were a a few tribes (minorities!) during this time who tattooed themselves (and to this day, they continue this tradition :) ). The Li were often attacked by invaders who assaulted the women and sold them as slaves. The women ended up tattooing their faces and bodies to make them less appealing, and it ended up becoming a tradition. When a girl came of age she’d get tattooed. Then we’ve got the Dai, who (from what I understand!) got tattoos of animals with characteristics they wished to embody, such as to show their virility and strength! So they’d tattoo tigers and dragons, etc.

So why does Princess Mute have one? Who gave it to her? WHAT ACTUALLY IS IT!!!!!! (eternal frustration that we never see a clear shot of the whole thing!!) It kinda looks like a heavily stylized fish? With some waves. But I am unsure! But it would make sense, considering the ongoing theme of snakes and fish throughout dmbj.

Also, her scars seem very strange. Like- if someone skinned her (YIKES!) then- her scars don’t really seem like they’re a result of skinning (double yikes!!). You’d think that for a woman who was the daughter of the King, they’d take more care to preserve her face?? So why does it seem like someone has done their utter best to ruin it? Did the Emperor do it himself? Did her father? Or did someone else do it?? Did she do it herself????

Also, I just wanna cut the bullshit with the creepy hand clam thing. A hand clam isn’t gonna wrap their fingers around Wu Xie’s hand to stop him from blowing himself up. Like. I get that it’s the censorship. I get it. But- you can’t tell me it wasn’t actually the Princess Mute who saved him. I just?? This moment is so powerful? It literally knocked the breath from my chest.

Princess Mute’s story is just so fascinating and tragic and I am just a mess over how she isn’t in control of her own story? She never is. Except for when she kills the Emperor. (AND when she saves Wu Xie) And I think that’s fucking telling. 

Of course, it felt like they had more of a storyline planned for her which never happened, but I’ll get more into that later.

Basically, I just have SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

It’s like- I dunno. Seeing a gorgeous woman flip an obnoxious man over her shoulder and slam him to the ground without breaking a sweat and watching her walk away with stars in your eyes. You barely know anything about her but you’re already half in love and you just want to know more.

I’m super Gay for her, if you couldn’t already tell.

Honestly, she just perfectly represents all the female characters and their treatment in dmbj with all the extra PIZAZZ of the mysterious supernatural/mythological elements. She just makes me go feral and I adore her with my entire heart.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

NUMBER ONE I SHIP HER WITH MY CUTE AND PERFECT GF XIAO BAI!!!!!!!!

They are my two favourite (okay and my wife Su Nan!) female characters in dmbj. I think their stories parallel each other pretty beautifully? They’re both women in a powerful position, though with limited agency. They both defy gender norms and accomplish things (I’m counting killing the Emperor as Accomplishing Something) in a very male-dominated world. And- okay. I know the Princess Mute is technically dead. But she also?? is someone still doing stuff?? and pushing along the storyline?? as a zombie?? So I’m just gonna say that both of them aren’t truly killed off for the Man Pain like all the other female dmbj characters (except for Xiu Xiu, and I guess Chuchu but ChuChu’s situation is kinda....Iffy. At best.)

Also both of them are linked pretty heavily with Wu Xie? They both have an interesting relationship with him. And Princess Mute leads Wu Xie to Xiao Bai!!!

And okay this is spoiling a bit of whispers, BUT!!! Warehouse 11 was built atop the South Sea King’s temple. Isn’t that fucking important??? I stand by my headcanon that Xiao Bai is a Warehouse kid (descended from the Founders) and so she grew up there. And like- ignoring censorship bc I can AND because Reboot leaves a lot of supernatural stuff up in the air anyway- wouldn’t growing up atop an insanely powerful temple do something to you? Wouldn’t it affect you in some way?? There’s just!!! SO much potential between Princess Mute and Xiao Bai!! Plus!! I think it’d be great for Xiao Bai to form a relationship with another woman. She needs some female solidarity in her life.

And- well. I just ship Princess Mute with all the dmbj women, really. Princess Mute has two hands, why can she use them both?? I’ve got a couple Princess Mute modern au’s going and in one of them she just- sweeps A’Ning and Su Nan off their feet :)

I really can’t ship Princess Mute with any male characters, I think. There’s just- so much underlying trauma surrounding her agency and how she’s been used by the men in her life. Also, I like wlw & mlm solidarity. Let Princess Mute and Wu Xie wallow over their Stupid Crushes. Or Princess Mute & Xiao Ge. I’m not picky.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Purely bc of my own au, I am very much invested in Princess Mute & Li Cu (& spirit snake). As I mentioned before, there’s a running theme of loss of agency in their own lives and suffering the consequences of others’ actions. Plus, there’s a lot of supernatural happenings surrounding the both of them. Why wouldn’t they find a connection?

And, obviously, I adore Princess Mute & Wu Xie. Princess Mute saved Wu Xie and then Wu Xie was promptly obsessed (can’t say I blame him). They had such an interesting relationship in Reboot that was just- so fucking tragically dropped. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

SHE SHOULD BE MORE POPULAR!!!!!!!!!! She is so goddamn fascinating and gorgeous and I just!! Want!! Everyone to adore her as much as I do!!!!!!!! At least I feel a bit accomplished for swinging some readers over to her side in whispers!! That’s something!!! 

I’ve got like- a million au ideas with her. I’m going to be the creator of the content I wish to read!!!!!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I WISH SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN A SATISFACTORILY COMPLETED STORYLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She just gets completely dropped after she leads Wu Xie to Warehouse 11. So once more, she is a plot device and not. And actual. Person. Her importance is tied irrevocably to the male leads. Her agency is not her own. Wu Xie cares so much about her, and okay, he’s trying to figure out a mystery and we all know how he gets when he’s trying to puzzle out a mystery-- but you can’t tell me he just- stops caring after he encounters Warehouse 11??? What happens to her after that?? Does she rot away in a box in Wushanju?? Does Ershu take her back?? I’m just?? WHAT????

I want to know her side of the story and not what everyone else has said. I want her to actually properly communicate with Wu Xie. I want her saving the day again and I want her being fucking badass and I want her and Xiao Ge being soft together and I want her and Xiao Bai to bond fall in love and I want everyone to just- fall in love with her? And care about her? And I want to to find herself caring about these fucking idiots too???? Can you imagine her and Liu Sang bonding over shitty fathers and lack of agency and Trauma?? Can you imagine Princess Mute getting her life back and the freckles returning to her slowly darkening skin and her being silly with Hei-ye bc he keeps shoving increasingly ridiculous sunglasses at her. And can you imagine her trying on jeans for the first time and picking out a cute bomber jacket and shoving a baseball cap on her head and dipping her feet back in the sea and befriending shibie bc she’s just?? that?? cool?? while Iron Triangle is off on the side fretting like she isn’t befriending some very dangerous creatures but it’s okay bc she’s a dangerous creature too and she understands fear and desire and hunger. 

I want her returning to Thunder City. I want her getting closure. I want her story to get closure. Period.

And I know it didn’t happen bc censorship and Nanpai Sanshu and just- a host of Other Things. But I want it, and she deserves it.

--

AAAHH VISH!!!! Thank you so much for letting me yell about Princess Mute!! Sorry I couldn’t go more in depth with headcanons but!! Like I said, I don’t want to completely spoil you for whispers, so I’ll keep those close to my chest for now 

٩(*ゝڡゝ๑)۶♥

[alphabettcity]

loki finale ask (finally)

tbf i didn’t really go in blind because i am an internet addict. parts that were already spoiled for me include:

mobius doesnt know who loki is 😭

sylvie and loki kiss (why!) & she immediately transports him back to the tva. so presumably wasn't actually that romantic, just manipulative (still bad)

the multiverse gets created

kang is the one who remains

actually watching the episode taught me that:

kang created the tva is because he’s a genius egomaniac who wanted to keep himself safe from all the other genius egomaniac versions of himself (this totally works given his comic origins, he's dealt with many versions of himself, eg. immortus, but i have a lot more questions below)

sylki kiss was definitely not romantic. she tricked him so she could kill kang. (still not a good enough excuse smh)

my interpretation of their fight: neither loki nor sylvie, if they 100% knew that kang was telling the truth about the tva, would kill kang. sylvie told loki she was doing this because she thought he was lying. (not totally true to loki's characterization imo, i'd think that both loki and sylvie would rather deal with infinite kangs than give up on free will)

new mobius doesn't know who loki is not because the tva wiped his memories, but because this is a totally different version of mobius (unmined angst potential imo)

ravonna fights mobius, lets him live, and goes out in search of "free will", and may align with kang in the future, since ravonna in the comics is kang's wife. (curious to see what they do with her. i have Thoughts on her place in the whole religious allegory of the show i will explore in my wowki fanfic)

me overthinking things

if kang knows all why would he go through all this trouble to lead loki and sylvie here? he couldn't have done this in an easier, less heartbreaking way? his plan was so contrived :/

one question i've kinda pushed aside for the show is: what kind of time travel disruption would qualify for a nexus event? because technically any variation, no matter how small, should create a branch in the timeline, because 2 contradictory things can't happen in the same timeline at the same time. but now we might have a kind of answer: if kang founded the tva to avoid other versions of kang, he doesn't need to make sure there's 1 sacred timeline, he'd just need to make sure all the variations are so small that the infinite timelines are basically the same, so there's basically infinity copies of the same timeline in existence, thus averting multiversal war between egotistical kangs.

why was there that arbitrary barrier past which kang couldn't see? yeah, ✨suspense✨ and ✨plot✨, but it's arbitrary, and it really would've made no difference if he knew what happened to him. in fact i quite like the idea of kang walking into his own death.

thoughts that don't really fit on this list

the finale was awful. not just the sylki kiss & bad narrative choices or whatever. there was so much padding and exposition, jonathan majors's performance totally took me out of it (i doubt he's a bad actor, this episode didn't give him a good opportunity to shine), the writing was super slow and bad, this ep could have been slimmed down to like 15 minutes because not a lot actually happened.

natalie holt's music — both the titles (lokius!) and the actual tracks — slap so hard. probably the best soundtrack in the mcu other than black panther. she really gets the show

production & costume design of everything related to kang was amazing, felt very vast, old, and regal

sylvie is acutally a surprisingly well-realized woman character and i'm quite proud of the show for that. (unfortunately neither her nor b-15 are fully realized until they kiss each other which has not happened as of yet)

please watch this it has brought me great comfort

HIIII so happy u saw it <3

1. YEAH :’) that broke me .

2. IKR i am Not a Fan and yeah! it was a manipulative kiss so sylvie could get what she wants but there are so many other things they could’ve went with !!!!!

3 + 4. damn it sucks that u got spoiled for those but yeah that’s what new in the em c you !!

——

1. yep! i don’t know much about his comic origins but from what i know it seems pretty in character

2. exactly!!!!!! and yeah it’s not a good enough excuse they could’ve gone with anything else !!!!

3. yeah !! i think both options (killing kang and fighting other versions of him / ruling the timeline) seemed pretty loki HJSKD but i feel like he’s gone through lots of character development through the show and i thought they would both go with killing kang but i guess not dhdjjfjd

4. yep and it hurts . so much .

5. yeah that makes sense !! and yeah i’m curious to see what they do with her, she felt kind of vague and didn’t have enough good motives to be a villain, so yeah i’m curious to see where her character goes !!!

——

1. yeah his plan kinda backfired HJSJDJD but i guess it works for plot HJSKDKD

2.

that’s a lot of thinking to do but i think ur right !!

3. yeah ! i think that ✨suspense✨ was nice for a minute but him walking in to his own death seems way more fun

——

1. yeah it was really,,,,,,, boring ? idk i wasn’t really interested yknow? there was a lot of talky talky (ha mobius reference am i cool) so yeah this ep could’ve been a Lot better but it is what it is i guess

2. YES !!! everyday i was up and think about the opening of ep 5 (was it ep 5? i think it was yeah) but anyway i could listen to the soundtrack for HOURS

3. YEAHH they made him really interesting so i’m excited to see him again !!!

4. YES i think that’s why so many people love her bc she was really well written and she didn’t turn out to be the whole “woman helps man to get what he wants” trope !!!! she actually got what she was going for in the end so yeah !!!! also so true manifesting sylvie and hunter b 15 kiss next season

5. HAAHHAHAHH i love that tysm my day is blessed

[iridescentides]

hello again dia!!! i hope you've been having a good weekend 💙 i know that you love austin & ally and i wanted to know what are some of your favorite episodes/moments/characters? i've never watched the show myself so maybe your love for it will rub of and finally convince me 😋 - gcwca secret santa 🎅🎁🎄

AHHHHHH HI thank you for asking! this show is literally so special to me. 

i accidentally wrote a very long response so its under the cut:

i wanna start off by saying that the characters are why i love it the most. austin and ally is my number one comfort show, and specifically dez, trish, and austin are my comfort characters. not saying that i dont like ally; shes nice and obviously very essential to the loving group dynamic but the other three are so fun and wacky and interesting and just some of my favorite characters of all time.

i think at the heart of it my favorite thing about the show is the love. its all good vibes and none of the emergencies are really that deep, and the main four just care about each other so much and show it in so many ways!!! i love their whole friend group dynamic bc when one of them has a problem, they all work together to solve it. and each dyad has their own little relationship thats special in its own way. they hang out at the mall 24/7 (which is a DREAM scenario bc the mall is my favorite place to be) and just have adventures together and learn about each other.

my absolute favorite episode is s03e19, beauties and bullies, bc its all about trish. there are a few trish-centric episodes in the show, and everyone gets their spotlight at one point or another, but this is one of the only episodes that allows her to be open with her emotions. shes the toughest one in the group, always loud and brave and explosive, but in this episode she is the one that needs help, support, and comfort. i love the consistency in her characterization in this episode bc she is so reluctant to be on the receiving end of this support, and she even convinces her friends shes fine at first. and even though its not a role they typically play for her bc shes so good at defending herself, the group quickly springs into action to protect her, to care for her, to help her through it bc they know that thats their job as her closest friends. it literally makes me cry every time. plus i love that its ultimately dez who figures out who the bully is bc even though hes generally seen as dumb and imperceptive, it shows that he seriously cares about trish and is able to pick up on details when it comes to helping her, or any of his friends for that matter.

my favorite season is s4 bc of the tangible growth and change we see in everyone, but especially austin. season 4 really just shows how much they have all impacted each other, and how no matter what happens, they will always be in each others lives. in this season we see them take on a more serious and practical goal together, opening up their own music school. each of them takes on a role that plays to their strengths, and i absolutely love the teamwork. one of the overarching themes of the season is role modeling, and it makes me extremely emotional to see each of them channel their passion into helping kids pursue similar goals. the season is great in so many ways.

but season 4 austin moon is by far the best austin moon. at the beginning of the show he was a goofy kid who dreamed about being famous and pursued the goal very selfishly, even stealing allys song in the first episode and becoming an overnight internet sensation off of it. he was always loving, enthusiastic, sweet, and charming, but throughout the series we see him learn how to be a friend and how to care for other people. in the beginning, being a star is all that matters to him, and we watch ally very patiently, but skillfully, set an example for him of respecting other peoples time, effort, and attention. my favorite thing about austin is that he always has the best intentions at heart, and when he messes something up, he puts in genuine care to fix it in a meaningful way. lots of tv protagonists cause problems and then “fix” them halfheartedly and we just forgive them bc we have to and we move on with the show. but austin consistently learns and grows and keeps doing better for the people he cares about most, he comes through for them at the most unexpected times, and he picks them up when theyre down. even as he gets more famous and successful, his friends continue to come first. (i dont want to spoil too much plot wise, but) at the beginning of season 4 austin is unable to perform publicly, and it really hurts and breaks him bc performing is his favorite thing to do; his dream has always been to be a pop star. so when the music school opens in s4 we see him actively, selflessly, channel all of his passion for the thing he loves most, and give it to kids in a meaningful and special way. he has grown from a well-intentioned but self-absorbed teenager into a very caring and kind young adult who makes a difference in the lives of other people. he struggles with his identity and defining himself without his dream, but quickly gets to work making an active positive impact on those around him.

my all time favorite moment of the show, even though its super small, is dez’s solo in the song at the end of s03e06, glee clubs and glory. dez is the most routinely overlooked member of the group bc hes so goofy and quirky. he says a million things that dont make any sense, and he is definitely the comic relief character. however, the reason i love him (and why im like 80% sure hes my actual favorite of the four of them, even though its so hard for me to decide officially) is because despite all the little jokes and jabs at his expense, despite the goofiness that keeps others from taking him seriously, despite being knocked down so many times, he never stops dreaming. he literally never gives up. he has so much passion and enthusiasm inside of him, and he is overflowing with love and affection for his friends. he loves making videos but also pursues a billion different little hobbies. he has sooo many hidden talents, and thats something i was pointing out to my gf when i first showed her the show; dez is so incredibly capable and skilled, but so humble about it. he does things not for an end goal, but for the joy of participating, and when he doesnt get all the spotlight or attention, thats okay with him bc he had such a good time anyway. so in this episode, glee clubs and glory, after being passed up for the glee club over and over again, then letting his enthusiasm get the best of him as captain, and then being dethroned at the end of it all, he is still so happy to get his little moment in the end because hes truly a team player. its nice to see him shine. heres a link to the performance and the part im talking about is at 1:30. 

OKAY i am gonna stop there bc theres a million little things that i love about the show but i already wrote you an essay. i guess the last thing i wanna say is that every single austin moon song fucking slaps. my favorite is probably the main title theme song (can’t do it without you) bc not only is it the ultimate BOP but they also reference it periodically throughout the show to acknowledge that they are all successful because of each other, and the friendship as a whole makes each of them stronger than they are individually. my other faves from the show are a billion hits, steal your heart, stuck on you, and chasin’ the beat of my heart.

(okay i lied i have ONE more final closing thought! i dont really love the romantic pairing of austin/ally, i like them better platonically. not saying that they make a bad couple by any means. but i just hate the trope that the main girl/boy HAVE to get together so as a concept it bugs me. but i lowkey ship trish/dez a little bit.)

TLDR; the characters are literally all my favorite for different reasons, and the best thing about the show to me is their group dynamic and the ways that they consistently show love and care for each other.

[lovelylogans]

Personally, I would LOVE to know your gilmore girls opinions

i’m gonna talk about my opinions on rory’s love interests bc they have Developed given my rewatch, bls blacklist the tag “annalise talks gilmore girls” if u don’t want any of this gilmore girls Contente

okay SO when i first watched the show, i watched s1/part of s2 with my mom, like. oh god. oh god like six years ago. oh god i’m old

anYWAY i watched s3 in bits and pieces, and most of my other knowledge was gleaned from, like, internet, until i started writing wyliwf and i started delving deep back into gilmore girls content. i focused primarily on s1, w a bit of emphasis on s5 bc the writing of drama/fights in s5 is Chef’s Kiss, and i wanted to steal incorporate those lines into the later chapters of wyliwf. so far, i have seen s1-s5 of gg, and read scripts of some key episodes of s6/s7. SO.

on my first watch, i really liked rory’s character and related to her a lot, bc early season rory felt a lot like high school me—quiet, bookish, focusing on journalism at school, in a school that Prized academic achievement and was Very Competitive in that sense, but that’s a whole other rant—so i liked her a lot. and then you start looking at later seasons, and hoo boy, my opinion of rory nosedives.

like, she’s pretty naive and innocent in s1-s3, that’s part of her whole character charm, right? she’s a sweet kid and she works to contrast lorelai, esp in scenes w richard and emily. however. HOW. EV. ER.

in s4 she gets to college, right? and her character just. PHEW. P H E W. her and dean and her sleeping with him in the s4 finale when she knows FULL WELL that he is M A R R I E D to someone else and attempts to dignify it with “he’s my dean!” like WHAT. WHAT!!!!!!!! lorelai is correct! he is LINDSEY’S dean!!! lindsey was a perfectly sweet girl who did NOTHING to rory other than help her buy something on a field trip! like yeah she was concerned about money and sure if she was that concerned she should have gotten a job, but dean hardly even WANTED to go to college in the first place, but this is a whole other rant!!!

so like dean, i think, was a decent first love for rory, though i dislike that when jess was introduced they worked to dumb him down when he was shown in s1 to attempt to read the books that rory wanted him to read, but i digress. dean was good in those early seasons, he did not deserve to be dragged on by rory when she was crushing on jess, HOWEVER he is a dick for dumping her in front of the whole town and then later on in front of her yale friends (dumping her in public TWICE like BRO????)

and then we get to jess.

i think jess’ character arc is a good one; bad boy eventually caring for others and taking responsibility and growing up a bit. however.

i think he has a good character arc; i am not team jess when it comes to rory. jess DESERVES BETTER, especially later seasons jess!!!! jess deserves to, like, get someone who is equally into his new york hipster scene, and to get a cool little apartment, and just! someone who fits him better! rory and jess Do Not Fit! you’re telling me that s6 rory, yale girl rory, preppy, frankly spoiled rory, deserves JESS, who has actually put in work to develop himself for the better?? no ma’am!!! no MA’AM!!!!! jess deserves good things!

like his and rory’s relationship worked well for developing them in s2/s3, but like, after that? no! have you SEEN revival rory?????? oh my god revival rory is a whole OTHER RANT, esp from the perspective of a journalist, but like! BRO. BRO. jess deserves better!

which is why, when it comes to rory, though i’m not like “ride-or-die” when it comes to “team x!!!” like some other gilmore girl stans are, like i could probably be persuaded to something else if someone posed a good enough argument, i’m team logan.

i also dislike logan. STICK WITH ME HERE. WALK WITH ME.

as i previously mentioned!!! rory’s character NOSEDIVES!! she sleeps with a married man at the start of s4! who does she meet in s5? LOGAN. 

why was logan not at yale in s4? BUSY SAILING AROUND THE WORLD IN HIS DAD’S YACHT, WHICH HE EVENTUALLY SUNK. logan’s entire character just REEKS of “privileged white male” to me and i find myself VERY unsympathetic to a lot of his character. like oh boo hoo your dad wants you to inherit his MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR NEWS EMPIRE that is probably GUTTING local journalist teams and putting them all out of work! that must be so HARD for you! oh you got yourself in jail AGAIN but you never enter the system because you are a rich white boy with a powerful family! oh no! your life is so hard! fuck off!!! are you KIDDING ME?!

(....okay maybe some of my hatred of logan is a misdirection considering the companies much like huntzberger’s that exist in real life that do gut local journalism. gatehouse media, gannett, tribune publishing, this slightly outdated but still good john oliver bit on journalism. check it out. support your local paper, if you have the financial means.)

logan embodies a lot of the yale privilege that also is a strong part of the society that produces the classism of emily and richard; their families are good friends, and yet, his family says that rory’s family isn’t good enough. let me repeat that. the gilmores. are not good enough. for the huntzbergers. someone estimated the gilmore net worth to be approximately upward of fifty million dollars.

think about that privilege.

and now look at rory; rory, who in the later seasons begins the transition that was originally started at chilton. she joins the dar. in s6 during her dropout period, she basically becomes a miniature emily. in the revival, she walks into a job interview and has no ideas prepared. she complains about being broke and not having a job, despite living alone in an apartment in new york and being offered a job by chilton as long as she got her masters that she turns down, along with the trust fund set up by lorelai the first and, doubtless, the money richard left her when he died. 

during the revival, rory and logan are still together. despite the fact that logan and rory are both cheating on serious partners; logan, with his fiancée, and rory, with her “forgettable” boyfriend of two years (paul, though boring, also deserves better, like holy shit, could you imagine your girlfriend of TWO YEARS consistently forgetting about you and keep meaning to break up with you but she keeps forgetting????????)

they have a similar flippant attitude toward their work, they have similar attitudes toward their romantic partners, they both tend to think of themselves highly due to their family (”my ancestors came over on the mayflower!” rory says hotly as she’s complaining to logan about his family not seeing her as good enough.) logan makes strident romantic gestures that are, frankly, easy to do when he has that much money to toss around. 

rory’s character, as it stood in the revival (which granted i have not watched in full, but i have read reviews and scripts), and logan’s character deserve each other. not dean (who made mistakes, but who is apparently happy now with three daughters and another child on the way) not jess (who is a novelist and cares about his family and DESERVES BETTER) or marty (marty is kind of “boo hoo friendzone :( guy” for me anyway but he does have his merits) but logan. logan and rory deserve each other.

[thimblings]

AHHH!! YES!! um. prepare your eyes, this is gonna be a long, rambly post because apparently i have A LOT OF FEELINGS and i can’t just list things like a normal person. and i also kept remembering podcasts and the list JUST KEPT GETTING LONGER. so. GIANT TEXT POST, i am so so so sorry. also, there are actually a few on this list that i’m not caught up with (some i’m like REALLY behind on) but i’m still gonna rec them... 

Welcome to Night Vale is the one i’m sure most ppl know of (although! if you have not read the novel, i’d HIGHLY recommend getting the audio book version. Cecil Baldwin does a great job of reading, and the “Voice of Night Vale” sections actually feature guest stars. i really want Cecil to do more audio book recordings omg). but!! along that same theme (radio show in a strange town w/ supernatural themes), King Falls AM is spectacular (ben and sammy are just! a freakin delight i love them). IMO it starts off feeling like it’s trying to be like WTNV, but within a few episodes it finds itself and becomes something unique (i say this bc i was initially put off by the first episode for that reason, and later came back and gave it another shot and enjoyed it immensely). it’s funny, it made me cry a few times, and i reaallyyy really really need to catch up with it. sammy stevens also has….just….a really nice voice hahaaaa The Truth is a great one. it’s mostly one-off short stories, but they’re generally really high quality and the plot of most of the episodes is really thought-provoking or just interesting in general (there’s one ep about aliens who find the Voyager craft with its recording that’s just really charming to me). the tagline “movies for your ears” is really apt. a lot of the stories veer on the side of unsettling/creepy, and it’s great if you like horror stories. i’d also recommend The Black Tapes and its sister podcast, Tanis. i love horror and unsettling mysteries, so these are right up my alley (Tanis is definitely more in the sci-fi/horror genre, but i like how it also digs into real unsolved cases and events). these are relatively well known, at least in that my friends who don’t listen to podcasts have listened to TBT at least. but they’re still great to check out if you haven’t. Limetown is really good, but ends on a cliffhanger and as far as i know there’s no immediate plans for a season 2? (i remember reading something about  them in talks for a TV show? which would be cool, but i’d miss the audio format of it). the first season is worth listening to, because it is really interesting and the audio production is pretty top notch - just be aware that a second season may or may not happen. what i’ve listened to of Hadron Gospel Hour so far is SUPER enjoyable, but i’ve only listened to the first few episodes.  arsPARADOXICA is FANTASTIC (at least the first season and a half that i’ve listened to). sally grissom is a great character and a brilliant and  scientist and i’m just really in love with her. this is a nice podcast because it has very capable women in it and the concept overall is really fascinating and handled really well. The Cleansed, set in a post-apocalyptic US, is well written and overall well produced (there’s one ep that still sits with me, because of a scene that truly unnerved me, just in the music and the atmosphere and the dialogue just ahh) and i’ve been meaning to pick it up again. In that same vein there’s We’re Alive, which is of the zombie variety. i’ve only juuuuust dipped into that one, but i’ve enjoyed what i’ve heard so far. this one has been around for a long time, like WTNV, so there’s a lot of episodes and a lot of content available. THE BRIGHT SESSIONS! i’m really really fond of this one and i just really love it, please listen. it’s about a psychologist who works with people who have “special” abilities, and all of the patients she helps are just so! precious!! i just love them a lot. Wooden Overcoats is a GREAT podcast that is pretty much the audio version of all my favorite British comedies that i watched growing up (think Fawlty Towers, Are You Being Served?, etc). it’s a comedy podcast about two competing funeral parlors (one of which is owned by the Funn’s). it’s exactly my kind of humor, and everyone involved just seems really great and kind. Antigone Funn has great lines and HONESTLY i’m surprised i haven’t seen more people quoting her and this podcast because it’s just! really great. and i don’t THINK this is a sister podcast to WO, but i always associate the two because they have some of the same people working on them but - Hector vs The Future is great. again, i haven’t listened to many episodes, but i’d still recommend it. it’s slightly different than other podcasts on this list because it’s actually filmed/recorded in front of a live audience. Homecoming is a short podcast (only 6 eps and the eps are pretty short) that i THINK is meant to be part of a larger, written universe (which i want to check out). it’s about soldiers with PTSD. this one actually has some well-known people involved - both Oscar Isaac and David Schwimmer voice characters and do a great job. The Darkest Night is another one with big names involved - Lee Pace is the narrator, which alone makes it worth checking out. overall, i’ve enjoyed it, but some episodes veer into areas i was kind of uncomfortable with (Tic-Tac-Toe is the one i’m stuck on and why i haven’t finished it yet ahh).  AND OK i really really really like space and space stories and space adventures, so my favs all have that in common hahaha Wolf359 is kind of like. okay, it’s about three people and an AI on a space station, light years away from earth - and the communications officer records his reports by pretending he’s doing a radio show. it starts off fun and humorous and things are great and then before you know it, you are going to be driving from Wichita Falls to Dallas and have to pull off on the side of the road because you’ve started sobbing while listening to it in your car. this podcast is fantastic, with a great cast of characters and strong women and DOUG EIFFEL and just. it’s very good. (i am ashamed to admit that i’m actually SUPER behind on this one. p much, i’m at the point where kepler and crew are on board but i’m only a few eps into this storyline). THIS is actually the podcast that really got me on board with the whole audio drama scene and just like….SCOURING the internet for more that would captivate me in the same way. This one is actually ending with this last season, which i think is a good thing? it’s very plot and character focused and i’m glad that they’re telling a complete story and HONESTLY! i’m just really excited to see where everyone involved goes from here. EOS_10!!!!! similar to Wolf359, it’s about a space station. there are a LOT more people there though (it’s more like an intergalactic hub). it’s about a doctor, his recovering alcoholic doctor-boss who he’s trying to help, a nurse who is spunky and maybe a bit psychotic, a hypochondriac alien-former-prince, and a “alleged” “terrorist” living in the cargo bay. idk this podcast just makes me incredibly happy. the writing is witty and fun, the characters are lovable and flawed, and i’ve listened to the whole two seasons at least 3 times because it just fills me with joy (my favorite dynamic always: assholes who are friends and they love each other but they also just….insult each other constantly. and somehow they save the world? but they’re still assholes). the universe of this show is really interesting without ever feeling like an info dump, and the unfolding mystery is very intriguing. WARNING: this show has been on hiatus for awhile, so there are only two seasons right now. but honestly??? it’s completely worth it. (obvi i’m hoping a third season will eventually come, but i enjoyed the first two enough that i love it regardless haha). and, finally, my current obsession. The Penumbra Podcast. it’s pretty much everything i’ve ever wanted in a series ever - detective film noir, but in space (on Mars), and literally everyone is queer. there’s a main story line (”Juno Steel and the [blank]”) and then one shots between each Juno story. the one shots are fantastic and really show the strength of the writers - sometimes being creepy, other times just being entertaining. The Juno Steel stories are the main running plot, done in the style of old detective radio shows - but also kind of twisting and upgrading the genre to be more inclusive and diverse. Juno Steel is a canonically non-binary and bisexual private eye (also canonically grumpy, sad most of the time, and a huge nerd who laughs at his own awful jokes in HIS OWN MONOLOGUES), and is the type of character you want to punch for being frustrating but who you also want to just…be…happy and protect from the universe. the writing in this is fantastic and beautiful and all of the characters are captivating. even one-off characters have a ton of personality and just add to the diversity/representation of the show. the voice work is top-notch and just!!! it’s so good!!!!! i have so many feelings!!!! (Juno hits close to home for me, with his self-esteem issues and depression and just…yeah, so i gushed about him there. i have a lot of feelings about the other characters but i’ve seriously rambled so much already so I WILL REFRAIN. also? gushing TOO much about a certain someone spoils the enjoyment of getting to know them at the same time Juno does) i REALLY enjoy audio drama-type podcasts so that’s mostly what i listen to. i’m also really into true crime and weird theories and occult stuff, but i’m particular about the podcasts i listen to for that. basically, i get attached to a specific host(s) and it’s hard for me to listen to anyone else talk about similar things haha. so as far as that goes, i love The Last Podcast on the Left (haha i get a bit nervous rec’ing this one because it’s really offensive, mostly in the early eps, and is def not for everyone but honestly!! i just love these boys a lot, and they discuss p much everything i’d ever be interested in ever). this one also led me to listen to Page Seven, which is celebrity gossip but honestly just really enjoyable to me. Two of the hosts from that show (Marcus is a LPOTL host as well) also do another show called Sex and Other Human Activities, which i’ve listened to a bit and enjoyed and deals with a lot of different issues - like sex, but also delving into depression and different things the hosts and their friends have gone through. but as far as non-fiction podcasts go, that’s pretty much it? i’m still planning on checking out Radio Dispatch, but that’s honestly mostly because it’s Molly (from Page Seven) and her brother and like i said, i have a problem. other podcasts i know of and have been meaning to check out: Hello From the Magic Tavern, The Adventure Zone, Pleasuretown, Lesser Gods, Tales of THATTOWN..... and ok, probably others but this has gotten excessive i am so sorry friends (some of the links may accidentally be wrong and i am very sorry)

[soshimon]

f e e l s  t o w a r d s  l i f e

I really need to stop having mental breakdowns at work or just in front of people in general because I must look super pathetic everytime I do...

Long story short....I got my birthday off! Yay! Which is not normally possible with my job title but the obstacle before was the dumbass spoiled girl that has to be my step in....and she just does not get it. in multiple ways...not just my notes...not gonna get into that....but this summer I had to give up my week off to her even though I submitted everything beforehand fair and square because she’s going to Mexico with the fam for the 4th....this fucking family I swear. I cried a bit about it with my boss and he knew it was unfair but she didn’t really acknowledge it until he bought up what happened in the summer. Which I’m grateful for! I do still have mixed feelings about him but most of it is because of my dumbass taking things too personally and just still sucking. Some of it is him not being very professional....therefore sorta supports this culture of getting too personal But why do I still feel really upset? especially if I got what I wanted this time...?

1. I think too much, now I made it in my head a much bigger issue than just work/vacation and me crying...at work.

2. Now in my head, its:

feels overworked= want a vacation/relaxation/travel/happiness boss says NO bc Amy - work = who will do my shit when I’m gone....= him. But he doesn’t want to so he wants me to train paris hilton = frustration at her lack of interest/work ethic bc I SHOW her but still doesn’t see the importance to remember for our department benefit.

3. this = me feeling upset at how unfair my boss is despite how grateful I am to him = mixed feelings. my unhappiness with my career, my home life situation, my lack of love life, lack of social life then somehow relates bc I don’t have time to live my life and do the things I want bc I’m a corporate slave now.

4. Now I am in a worse situation? NO. Do I live a hard life/had traumatic things in life? NO. Now am I unhappy and should express my feelings? YES. but then I’ll seem too ungrateful....too entitled...too spoiled...too selfish...etc. So I say nothing or push it off....only to blow up like a volcano at work with frustration tears bc I can’t articulate how I’m feeling because business degree gave me Professional Filter™...or at least taught to follow such a concept.

5. Then its like when did I go wrong? When or why am I so unhappy? For like....almost a decade. Like when I got that one bad grade in 7th grade(the most rebellious thing I’ve done tbh) and got in so much trouble that from then on it was getting good grades, be a good daughter, go to college for my family, get a degree I don’t want, do something even if I don’t know what I wanna do in life,  work when I have no idea how to work and have no skills. I cared too much, I compared too much, I overthought too much....was too insecure, not confident, nervous, shy, couldn’t maintain friendships, felt ugly, felt not good enough. but the issue is I never grew from that...I never dealt with it. It got pushed aside I needed to just hold on and graduate & job hunt like everyone else. I had to go through the motions of life that I was told to do, JUST SUCK IT UP and then found out how to fix myself afterward

6. But here I am...not feeling better. sorta just existing...like a jellyfish floating around not doing anything. I don’t think I need therapy bc that shit is expensive and I don’t think talking to someone will really make it better...I have to think differently. I need more serotonin, more positivity, more things to be excited about. Yes, those were my temporary fixes in life; my hobbies/obsessions with anime, the internet, and Kpop. Or maybe I just need to stop thinking about how all my expectations are not being met, my disappointment in my life and myself. How I’m never gonna be as great as someone else or how no one really wants to be around me. I don’t fucking know.

7. I’m the definition of a spirialing™ hot mess....Like this HAS NOTHING TO DO WHAT WITH ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY, in fact, today something positive came out of it! YET WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS? Have thoughts of the past few months and year just collectively brought me to this conclusion?! I GUESS.

8. As much I would like to start taking steps towards improvement I don’t want to change so much of myself...I like my personality and aspects of myself and I don’t want them to all change...IDK FAM I THINK TOO MUCH AND THEN CRY OUT THE FEELS AND then an hour later I’m laughing at some dumb vid or a funny tweet. I’m already such a fucking dumbass crackhead I might as well start abusing substances for real!!!!! WOW OK BYE