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mrkis · 11 months

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you'll never find anyone like me — one. (l.dh)

PAIRING: lee donghyuck x afab!reader GENRE: college au, fluff, mature WORD COUNT: 14.9k

SYNOPSIS: you’ll never find anyone like lee donghyuck, and that’s what makes him so exciting.

CHAPTERS WARNINGS: slow burn(ish) type, so much plot & way too much dialogue, alcohol consumption, explicit language, a lot of mentions of donghyuck being obsessed, heavy tension between reader and donghyuck, mentions of parties & drugs, donghyuck comes across as very straight forward and also flirty, pretty people make reader nervous lol (especially donghyuck), tension between two main characters but no smut yet.

AUTHORS NOTE:: its finally here!! i'm so excited to start this series with you all, thank you for your patience!! also, for anyone new, this is linked to my 'NEO TECH COLLEGE' jaemin series 'the way life goes' although this can be read as a standalone.

[SERIES MASTERLIST]

It wasn’t exactly ideal enrolling into class halfway through the year, knowing you’ll have to go through that godawful stage of trying to make friends with people who already have chosen their own clique to spend the rest of their college years with.

You’re, unfortunately, the new student, the one that’ll be singled out during group projects or the one they pick last for the group because they didn’t want to choose you first… you really don’t know which one is worse.

Looking for a place to settle down was a close second to being one of the worst things to do after enrolling late. You didn’t have enough money to live by yourself and you sure as hell didn’t want to live with someone you hardly even knew, but you had to pick one, so you went with the latter.

Areum was actually the sweetest (and coolest) person you have ever met.

She welcomed you into her two bedroom apartment with open arms and even helped get you settled into your new room by offering to unpack your boxes and decorate the way you preferred, allowing you to have all the creative freedom you needed to call this place your home too.

Areum had even taken time out of her own busy schedule to show you around, letting you know about all the best food joints, best places to go to get coffee, best album stores to get your preferred music and even the best hangout spots.

It was, undoubtedly, a lot to take in.

Areum even introduced you to Minjun, a childhood friend of hers who is a college dropout and now the drummer in a two-man band with his older brother. (They’re pretty good, even though the older brother scares the shit out of you).

Minjun was the complete opposite of Areum yet they were alike in so many ways, it was easy to make friends with him just as it was with Areum. Minjun was sceptical of you at first though, but he immediately warmed up to you when you complimented his drum set to which he then showed you how to play. (You had no idea, but it was fun).

You cherish the friendships you have made with the two deeply even though you felt like you were intruding at the beginning, especially when you realised how long they have actually known each other and how close they are. But the pair happily invited you into their small friendship with big grins and playful jokes.

You were grateful to be starting something new with people who you felt instantly comfortable with, you were excited to see what your time in college had in store for you.

“Shit!” You repeatedly curse under your breath as you hurry across campus grounds with your bag strap sliding down your shoulders and your phone held tightly in your grip, staring down at the time that shined angrily at you due to your lateness.

Being late on your very first day wasn’t exactly something you wanted to experience, but the pressure of getting everything ready and the stress of overthinking lead you to being exhausted and oversleeping—you wanted the ground to swallow you up when you received the mass texts from Areum asking if you made it to your class in time.

You fix the strap on your shoulder as you rush into the building, eyeing the signs on the walls that would easily lead you to your music class and you groan when you realise it’s at the far end of the building, breaking out into another sprint and you’re grateful there’s no one around to see you make a complete fool of yourself as you run.

Glancing down at your phone, you wince at the time and you look back up to make sure you’re going to right way but you curse under your breath when you realise you’re heading straight towards someone’s back and you don’t even have time to stop yourself or control your speed, already bumping into them at full force which causes them to stumble forwards from the impact.

The person they’re with steadies them and you manage to get a quick glimpse at the girl who’s looking at you in shock before the victim spins around, his eyes angry and ready to curse you out but you don’t even notice how his eyes soften when he looks at you as you’re already profusely apologising to him.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I—fuck—I didn’t mean to fall into you like that, I’m just late and—”

“It’s fine.” The girl cuts off your rambling, sending you a reassuring smile as the guy continues to stare at you and you nod, mumbling another quick apology as you turn your head and see the door to your assigned class, quickly slipping through the door and letting it close shut behind you, heart racing rapidly in your chest at the full class of students who briefly glance at you before returning to their work.

The Professor looks up from his computer when you enter the room, gazing at you over the rim of his glasses and he gives you a welcoming smile, beckoning you over with his hand and you head straight towards him, getting ready to apologise for being so late but he’s already opening his mouth to speak first.

“I’m surprised you’re starting halfway through the year, but I’m happy to have you in this class. Welcome,” He smiles warmly at you and it instantly makes you feel better, your shoulders relaxing with a breath of relief as you smile back at him thankfully. “I’m Professor Kim Hongjoong. I’ll be your music Professor during your time here and if you need any help with anything, I’d be happy to give you some guidance… although, I have to encourage my students to ask one another. Team bonding type of stuff.”

“Noted.” You laugh lightly with a nod, adjusting the bag strap on your shoulder.

“Great.” Professor Kim grins up at you.

He dismisses you to a seat at the far back of the class next to a boy whose face is shoved into his computer screen, chunky headphones resting on his head as his fingers dance across a piano keyboard, nodding to the notes that play smoothly in his ears and you pull out the seat to sit beside him, sliding your bag off your shoulder and letting it rest by the legs of the chair.

Capturing your seatmate's attention, he turns to look at you and gives you a warm and welcoming smile, pulling the headphones from his head to rest around his neck. He introduces himself as Xiaojun and he takes the opportunity to point out everyone in the room to let you know their names, and even though it didn’t exactly help and you sure as hell wouldn’t remember everyone's names, you were grateful at least.

“How come you enrolled in the middle of the year?” Xiaojun suddenly asks you and you give him a sheepish grin in response. He raises a questioning brow, “Wasn’t going to enrol or something?”

“Something like that.”

“Interesting.” Xiaojun hums and he turns his head back to his computer screen while your attention is brought towards the classroom door that swings open, and embarrassment immediately washes over you when you recognise the guy that steps inside, the one you had forcefully slammed into on your way here.

You sink down into your seat in hopes to avoid him to keep your own dignity and your brows pull together in confusion when you see his eyes glance around the room, tilting his head to the side in thought and tongue prodding at his cheek as he scans over the row of seats before he finds you.

His lips curl into a smirk and his eyebrows raise in a way that has your heart thumping rapidly in your chest, immediately drawing your attention away from him when he drops down into a seat beside Yangyang, (a guy that Xiaojun had pointed out to you when filling you in on everyone’s names), who is too busy scrolling through his phone to notice his presence.

“Donghyuck.”

“What?” You hum, glancing at Xiaojun when you hear him mutter.

“That’s Donghyuck, the one that just came back in/” Xiaojun tells you and you made a small noise of acknowledgment, taking another peek over at him only to avert your eyes away when you realise he’s already looking at you and you feel hot, a little embarrassed and awkward at being caught.

“Has he got a staring problem or something?” You catch yourself mumbling under your breath and your eyes widen when you hear Xiaojun snort, completely capturing what you had just said and you groan, leaning back into your chair with a frown as Xiaojun looks at you with an amused smile.

“Something like that.”

The class surprisingly goes by quicker than you thought and both Professor Kim and Xiaojun were kind enough to fill you in on what you’ve missed so far, and what’s coming up soon. Luckily, as you enrolled in so late, you were excused from the upcoming assignment but were given a side task to write down everything you had knowledge of, including the instruments that you’re skilled in playing.

You found it quite simple and you’re positive you can jot down everything tonight so you wouldn’t have to worry about it later on. You’ve always been eager to please, so there was no way in hell you were going to leave this until the last minute.

You rise from your seat and grab your bag, slipping the strap over your shoulder as you subconsciously peer over at the other end of the room, your heart thumping wildly in your ears when you catch Donghyuck’s eyes already looking back at you while talking to Yangyang, leaning back on the desk with his hands shoved deep into his pockets and leather jacket draped over his arm.

His deep and intense gaze makes you feel nervous and you find yourself fidgeting in your spot, unable to tear your own eyes away from him, locked under his stare and the smirk that he gives you sends goosebumps rippling down your spine.

It’s when he pushes himself off the desk that brings you out of your trance, panic flooding through you when it seems like he’s about to advance towards you but he stays in his place when a hand carefully touches your arm, causing you to quickly turn towards the person that wanted your attention.

Xiaojun’s smiling warmly at you, but you’re surprised when you see that he’s not alone and instead, there are two other guys standing with him.

One wears a green hoodie beneath a grey jacket and matching coloured jeans, a beanie on his head with blue strands of hair peeking from beneath. The round, thin framed glasses on the bridge of his nose makes him look cute, yet the boyish grin he gives you makes you feel a little flustered and you move your attention to the other boy beside him.

He’s a lot more quiet and awkward, opting to give you a tight lipped smile as a greeting and nodding his head to say he’s acknowledged you. You’re not surprised by his shy demeanour𑁋especially with how he’s refusing to make eye contact and how his fingers nervously fiddle with the bracelet dangling on his wrist.

“This is Mark,” Xiaojun points to the one in the hoodie. “And this is Jihoon,” He points to the other before he turns to you and gives you a smile, “These guys are who I spent the majority of my time with, unfortunately”

“You love us, dude,” Mark’s boyish grin returns as he pats Xiaojun’s shoulder who playfully rolls his eyes and Mark looks at you. “You’re welcome to join us for lunch if you want?”

“Oh, thank you,” You smile appreciatively but it slowly drops when you realise what you had planned already. “Can I join you some other time? I have somewhere to be today.”

“Of course you can.” Mark’s grin widens as his hand removes off Xiaojun’s shoulder to gently knock yours and you grow nervous under the small contact, a shy smile spreading across your lips as you bid them a silent goodbye, brushing past the trio to get to the door and your mouth goes dry, your nerves amping up to a hundred as you once again meet Donghyuck’s eyes from his position next to Yangyang, how he watches you with a hint of intrigue and interest swimming in his irises.

You miss the way his eyes snap towards your new friends with a locked jaw, tongue prodding at his cheek as you leave the room.

Watching Areum work has always been fascinating to you: in awe of the talent that pours out of her hands and the patience she has when it comes to sculpting certain objects and/or people for projects or just to pass the time, how every piece is precise and perfect𑁋a complete masterpiece.

It’s the look of determination and joy that seals the deal for you, how happy and content she seems to be whenever she’s in her zone, and having the opportunity to witness her working in the studio at college for the first time is definitely the highlight of your already long and interesting day.

You bite into your lunch as you watch her from behind get her hands dirty while sculpting her recent project, soothing out the curves of a woman’s body that she has been putting together while humming a tune that plays quietly from the radio on the windowsill beside her.

Areum takes a step back to admire her work, a sound of approval slipping past her lips before she decides to take a break, unzipping her black overalls halfway to take her arms out of the sleeves and tying them around her waist securely so the rest doesn’t fall down completely, allowing her tattooed arms to be freed and on show with her white shirt.

“Did you make it to your class in time this morning?” Areum asks you as she leans against the open window, pulling her strawberry vape out of her pocket to take a drag and you shake your head, causing her to chuckle lowly. “I thought Minjun put an alarm on your phone before he left last night?”

“I slept through it,” You say bitterly, taking another bite of your lunch as she clicks her tongue against her teeth. “Thinking about today got me stressed and I overslept. Ended up almost being an hour late and not only that, I practically body slammed someone because I rushed to get to class. It was embarrassing.”

“Ouch,” Areum teases while scrunching her nose up, taking another hit out of her vape and blowing the smoke out of the window. You roll your eyes, twisting the cap on your bottle of water to take a sip. “Made any friends in your class though?”

You side eye her, “You sound like my mother,” She smirks at you. “Got to know this guy called Xiaojun. He introduced me to his friends Mark and Jihoon just before class ended. I only know those three so far.”

“Good,” Areum hums with an approving nod. “I know Mark and Xiaojun, I’ve bumped into them a few times… don’t know Jihoon though.”

“He’s kinda quiet,” You admit, remembering your very brief encounter with him. You smile, “He didn’t say anything but he seemed welcoming at least. They offered me to join them for lunch but I said I already had plans today.”

“You ditched them to hang out with me?” Areum looks at you with a blank expression and you nod, giving her an innocent grin as you finish off the last bite. “I don’t know whether to thank you or call you stupid.”

You swallow thickly, “I know you better than them so being with you right now is the safest and comforting option to me. I’d like to get to know them more eventually and hang out with them… but it’s kind of hard to do that when I get shy and awkward around people I don’t know.”

“You did well with me and Minjun,” She praises you and you feel your cheeks grow hot at that, trying to fight the smile that threatens to slip onto your lips. “But don’t worry, you got this. Take your time, there’s no rush.”

“I’m not going to rush,” You tell her, resting your chin on your hand as you look over at her, your other hand tapping a mindless tune on the wooden table. “I’m taking everything slowly.”

It took you just over a month to get comfortable in your new college.

You managed to remember everyone's names in your course and despite not talking to some of them, they had become easier to remember overtime.

Xiaojun, Mark and Jihoon never left your side during classes and just like Areum and Minjun, they also welcomed you into their group with open arms and jokes that had you laughing until your stomach cramped up and tears pooled in your eyes.

Jihoon became a lot more open with you as you did him. He was just like you—shy and awkward around people he barely knew or wasn’t comfortable with yet, didn’t want to speak up or take control of the conversation in fear of saying something silly, but when getting comfortable with the people it was non stop talking and cracking jokes, even pitching a few sarcastic comments here and there to make others smile.

Xiaojun and Mark were similar—outgoing and confident, striking up conversations and making friends as if it was the easiest thing to do, making others feel invited and welcomed although there was a few moments where you see their shy tendencies come through the cracks, noticing how shy Xiaojun got when being compliment on his voice when singing a song to himself under his breath and when Mark gets shy when he receives unwanted attention from others that compliment his work or his looks.

Aisha, a girl in your class, was one of the people that would compliment Mark over and over again, making him flustered and cheeks grow red with each word and giggle that slips from her lips. She’s gorgeous, so it doesn’t surprise you that Mark gets shy easily when she comes near.

Aisha is one of the people you haven’t properly spoken to yet. Her sociable and popular presence leaves you a little intimidated. You’ve shared a few friendly smiles and some small words in passing, but you haven’t had the courage to speak to her fully.

You, admittedly, like to admire her from afar. Seeing how confident and friendly she is, how she teasingly flirts and prettily smiles at others who conversate with her, how her delicate hands play with her healthy hair that cascades down her back, how her siren-like voices lures people in when she’s talking or even singing.

It makes you jealous, but not in a bad way. You could only wish you had the same confidence and likeness.

Donghyuck is another person you haven’t spoken to yet. You feel nervous being in his presence, how his intense gaze leaves you speechless and unable to think properly. How his lingering touches on your skin leaves goosebumps running down your spine every time he brushes past you to either get to his seat or if he was just walking by in the hallways.

He glances over his shoulder each time, lips curling into a grin, dark eyes piercing through you as he meets your eyes and takes in your appearance, tongue sweeping across his bottom lip before it tucks between his teeth as he takes in your outfit of the day.

Even if you’re wearing something that completely covers you, he makes you feel bare.

Xiaojun is the one that tells you to stray far away from Donghyuck, that he’s nothing but a ‘slut who loves attention and flirts with any living thing’. Mark did however clap back and told Xiaojun that he himself loves the attention too, which caused Xiaojun to jut out his bottom lip in a pout and turn away, but Mark mentioned how Donghyuck can be a little crazy sometimes and to try and not let his continuous stares and actions get under your skin.

You agreed, saying that wouldn’t be the case, even though you’re lying through your teeth already.

He is getting under your skin, leaving his mark on you and truthfully, it’s interesting.

You will never admit that out loud.

“Why are you being so quiet?” You hear somebody ask you suddenly and you rip yourself out of your thoughts, blinking at you try to see where the source of the sound came from but you let out a huff as a weight is knocked against your shoulder, hissing as you turn your head to see Minjun who had dropped down to the sofa to sit beside you.

He’s grinning at you in greeting but mumbles a quick apology when he realises he’s hurt you, rubbing the sore area before pulling his hand back to pull his phone out of his pockets.

You stay silent for a moment, staring at him as he mindlessly drums his fingers against the side of his phone as he reads a text and you immediately recognise it as the new song that he and his brother have been working on, the corner of your lips stretching into a smile.

However, his drumming comes to a sudden stop when Byeol pounces up on the arm of the sofa on his left, staring at Minjun with his tail slowly swishing behind him before he steps down onto Minjun’s thighs to find the perfect spot to rest and Minjun clicks his tongue against his teeth in annoyance.

“I hate this cat.” He grumbles under his breath despite raising his hand to pet Byeol behind his ears, loud purring noises rumbling from his chest. Minjun glances at you, “You didn’t answer my question.”

“What question?” You mutter as you reach over to pet Byeol too.

“About why you’re being so quiet.”

“There’s no reason,” You tell him truthfully, smiling as Byeol nuzzles his head into your palm. “I was enjoying the silence and just thinking about some things.”

“What things?”

Your eyes snap to him, teasing in your tone, “None of your business.”

“Ouch. You wound me,” He speaks monotone, pulling his hand away from Byeol to adjust the beanie on top of his head. “I have a show this weekend at Cherry Bomb, you’re coming right?”

“Obviously,” You hum. “Me and Areum never miss your shows.”

“Lucky charms,” Minjun grins, raising his hand with his pinky outstretched and you snort, wrapping your own pinky around his and squeezing tightly. “EJ and his girlfriend are coming too so we’re going to grab a few beers with them after it, yeah?”

“Sounds good to me,” You nod, retracting your hand from his to pet the cat who’s now climbing into your own lap, rubbing his face in the cotton of your shirt. You purse your lips in thought, “Can I invite people?”

Minjun raises his brow in interest, “Who?”

“Just these guys I’ve made friends with—they’re on my music course,” You briefly explain but you feel the need to go further as Minjun continues to stare at you. “They saw my Instagram post at your show a few weekends back and they asked about you, and they said they’d be interested in seeing you play and—”

“They can come,” He cuts off your rambling, grinning up at you and your brows pull together when he nudges your shoulder. ��You don’t have to ask, you know. The more the merrier, right? Besides, Seungwoo will be happy to see some new faces listening to our music.”

“Is he giving you a hard time?”

“Just the usual,” Minjun shrugs. “Worried about the number of people showing up to watch, the amount of unfinished songs he’s written, stuff with our parents too… they’re not exactly supportive of me dropping out of college and him leaving work to pursue music. They say it’s a waste of time.”

“But you’re good at what you do,” You tell him truthfully with a kind smile. “Both of you. You’re booking out bars and performing in front of big crowds almost every weekend, I say that’s pretty impressive.”

The corner of Minjun's lips lift upwards, his head tilting to the side slightly as he looks at you, “You think so?”

You nudge his shoulder, “I know so.”

Minjun breaks out into a full smile this time and he nudges you back as a small gesture of a thank you before he shifts in his seat, getting comfortable leaning against the cushions as he resumes scrolling through his phone.

You relax into him, peering your head over his shoulder to watch the screen as he shows you his current Instagram home page filled with musicians, concert photos and the occasional selfie of those he follows. You hardly recognise any of them, apart from the few Areum had posted and EJ with his girlfriend, but you still wiggle your eyebrows suggestively and make flirty comments when you see the sexy mirror pictures posted by some.

Minjun just rolls his eyes and tells you to be quiet, huffing as he angles himself away from you.

“Oh, I didn’t realise you were here,” You hear Areum’s teasing voice from behind and you crane your neck to see her make her way over to the both of you, a fluffy white towel wrapped tight around her body and another wrapped around her hair from her previous shower.

She sits in the single loveseat opposite, crossing her legs beneath herself to get comfy and a smile slips upon her lips as Byeol meows loudly, jumping down from your own lap and to find comfort on hers, nuzzling himself in her towel and Areum holds him to her chest, stroking his fur and cooing softly.

“I’m always here.” Minjun gives her a grin.

“Unfortunately~” Areum hums, pressing gentle kisses on the top of Byeol’s head and Minjun rolls his eyes, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he shakes his head.

Areum grins, already feeling proud at already getting under her best friend's skin but you knew deep down that it was just a little joke, knowing first hand how they always bite at each other to try and get one of them to react and lose, adding another point to their mental tally chart.

She coos as she talks to Byeol, scratching below his chin and rubbing behind his ears as you smile at the sight, hearing his loud purrs resonate from where he’s sitting on her lap and Areum’s phone that’s been gripped in her hand vibrates loudly, causing her to pull away from Byeol for a moment to check her screen.

You watch as her brows raise slightly, a smirk spreading across her cheeks and her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth, thumbs quickly tapping against the phone before she raises her head up, looking over at you with an unfamiliar glint in her eye.

Your face scrunches up, confused. “Why are you looking at me?”

Areum cocks her head to the side, “How do you feel about experiencing your first college party tonight?”

The sight in front of you is definitely… something.

The house is a lot bigger than you anticipated, expecting to be brought along to a little apartment or even a club for your first official college party, but Areum had thrown you into a complete loop as she brought you to a not so little apartment or club that was already filled with drunk college students, some already even sprawled across the front lawn messily making out or even staring up at the sky giggling to themselves.

However, you grimace a little when you see someone come stumbling out of the house with their hand clamped over the mouth, barely making it towards a bush before emptying out their stomachs with the most gruesome of sounds.

A guy comes jogging out of the house shortly after with a water bottle in hand and his phone in the other, your mouth starts to feel a little dry, the attractiveness and confidence that oozes from him as he comes closer stuns you for a moment, the shyness taking over you when he grunts and squats down to tend to the drunken person with their head shoved into the bushes.

The tight black fitted shirt he wears shows off the muscles beneath, how they bulge and tense when he reaches out to caress the person’s back as they retch loudly and your eyes can’t help but shift to his thighs, how the pants are tightening around them which each movement and you gulp, pulling your attention away when you feel Areum slip her arm through yours.

“Seems like you got your hands full already.” Areum speaks first with a teasing tone that’s directed towards the guy and he raises his head, dark eyes glistening under the night sky as he grins at her.

“You got that right,” He chuckles softly, putting the water bottle down on the grass to run his fingers through his dark mullet, gazing at you. “You’re new. I’ve never seen you here before. I’m Jeno.”

You introduce yourself and he repeats your name back to you with a hum and a nod, then he smiles and wishes you a good time at the party before turning back to the person who had seemingly stopped throwing up, ordering them to drink the bottled water and saying how he’s going to call a cab for them to get home safely.

Minjun, who had been quiet this entire time watching every thing unfold, gently pushes your shoulder to get you to walk and Areum pulls you towards the house by your arm, the loud music blasting inside already hitting your eardrums and you’re instantly hit with the smell of alcohol and weed when you enter.

The inside is a lot more chaotic than the outside, you conclude.

Sweaty bodies pressed against each other as they dance or makeout, some even fondling each other to which you immediately avert your attention away when they glance your way. Others are in small groups talking and even playing drinking games, you can just about see a group playing cup pong from where you’re standing at the entrance.

Minjun leans down to murmur in your ear, “So, what do you think so far?”

“It’s…” You pause, pulling a face. “Something. Very crowded. There’s people everywhere.”

Minjun’s chest rumbles with a laugh, “And this isn’t even the half of it.”

Your eyes widen at the possible fact of there being more people in the house, already feeling overwhelmed and Areum’s hand slides down your arm to take your own, lacing her fingers through yours as she helps weave you through the crowds, Minjun hot on your tail as he follows behind.

You glance around while she leads you both to wherever she wants to go and you spot a couple lounging together on the sofa, the pretty blonde smiling at her boyfriend who’s gently tucking her hair behind her ears as he’s mumbling something to her and she nods, causing the boyfriend to grin and clink his drink against hers.

“Here,” Areum’s voice grabs your attention and your turn your head to look at her when you feel her hand slip from yours, noticing that she’s brought you to the kitchen where only a few partygoers are standing, nursing their drinks and chatting with friends. Areum opens the cooler and passes a beer over to Minjun who dips his head in silent thank you before turning to you, “Want a beer? A seltzer?”

“Beer.” You’re thankful she hands you one that you’re familiar with, the ones that the three of you have shared in your apartment during movie and game nights, immediately cracking it open to take a sip and the satisfying burn and flavour that that runs down your throat has you smiling.

It unfortunately doesn’t take long for you to start to feel out of place, your back pressed against a wall in the far corner of the kitchen as you watch Minjun smoke with a guy you overheard is called Sunwoo, a dopey grin smile spreading across his cheeks every time someone had waltzed up to him with money in their hand for one of his baggies that he takes out of his pocket to slip into theirs.

Areum had politely excused herself from you a few moments prior to greet someone you somewhat recognise as one of her previous hookups, watching as Areum’s hand slips around her waist to hold her close to her body and the girl lets out flirtatious giggles, winding her own arms around Areum’s shoulders as they whisper in each others ears.

You sigh, pursing your lips as you take a glance down at the beer in your hand, shaking the can slightly to feel how much drink was left for you to drink and you frown when you notice it’s empty. You push yourself off of the wall and discard your empty beer in the overflowing trash can, opting to open the cooler and grab another to keep yourself preoccupied but you’re startled when another hand reaches in too, brushing against your own.

“Oh, sorry—” The voice pauses mid sentence and you glance up, your eyes widening in surprise when you see Xiaojun staring back at you with a similar expression. “It’s you!”

“What are you doing here?” You ask with a smile, excitement flowing through your veins as Xiaojun gives you a welcoming side hug, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Xiaojun pulls back to adjust the backwards cap on his head, not before running his fingers through his hair. You take this moment to take in his appearance, surprised to see him out of his knitted sweaters and chinos which is replaced with a loose fitted grey tank top and dark jeans, showing off his physique which caught you off guard immensely, not expecting to see the muscles.

“My roommate told me to tag along,” You briefly explain to him, pulling your eyes away from his arms and he hums in understanding, handing you a beer before grabbing one for himself. “Are Mark and Jihoon here too?”

“Jihoon’s at home. This isn’t his, uh—” Xiaojun waves his hand around comically. “—type of scene, you know. Mark’s around here somewhere though, lost him when this girl tugged his arm wanting to speak to him in private.”

You make a small noise as you nod your head, assuming that it was another student proclaiming their attraction towards Mark as you have witnessed many times before, feeling bad every time Mark had rejected them even if he was sweet with his words.

The confidence that people had to confess their feelings to the person they liked always made you jealous, wishing you had the courage to admit your own likeness towards someone but you could never get it out, knowing that the words would constantly get stuck on the tip of your tongue and the fear of rejection wasn’t exactly something you wanted to experience.

So you always held back on telling people how you felt, especially if you liked them. But yet again, seemingly lucky for you, there has never really been anyone that you’ve truly liked. You’ve had small mindless crushes that you knew would lead into nothing and you’ve been in the presence of a few attractive people that definitely make your heart flutter, but it’s never enough to make you want to confess.

A gentle touch on your arm brings you out of your thoughts and you turn your head to see Minjun standing beside, a gesture to show that he was finally back with you and you couldn’t have been more happier to have more people at your side, giving him a smile to which he returns, the corner of his lips twitching upwards.

“Oh. You’re the guy.” Xiaojun speaks up, eyebrows raised to his hairline in shock as he points at Minjun who looks back at him, seemingly confused but he slowly nods anyways which makes you snort quietly, finding the sight comical. “The drummer from that band, the one on her Instagram—LŒV, right?”

“Yeah,” Minjun hums in surprise before he makes a noise of realisation, piecing two and two together. “You must be one of the guys she told me about, that wanted to come see us play this weekend.”

You zone out of their conversation when Xiaojun praises him for his musical skills, the pair diving deep into the music discussion which usually you would’ve participated in any of time, but you find yourself getting distracted as you watch Areum delicately stroke the back of another girl that she’s talking with, pulling her in closely to whisper in her ear and laughing when the girl pushes her shoulder playfully before tugging her back in.

Your attention however pulls away from the pair when Areum places two fingers beneath her chin to bring her in for a kiss, feeling awkward to give them an audience and finding interest in a potted plant in the corner of the room, your lips quirking up into an amused smile when you see a drunk cradling it like a newborn, stroking the leaves and cooing.

The sight in front of you is hilarious and you would’ve taken out your phone to take a picture it if wasn’t for the fact you didn’t know this person, not really wanting to be caught and questioned taking pictures of someone you barely knew even if it would make a great memory… and definitely a great birthday card.

But your eyes flit away from the drunk to the guy that you met outside. Jeno, you remember his name. He strides into the house with a dark wet patch over the front of his clothes and an empty water bottle.

First, you grimace at the thought of that person he was taking care of outside throwing the water over him in a drunken fit, but then you feel a little warm and flustered when you realise that the water had made his shirt and pants stick to him more than it originally did, outlining his body perfectly, defining the muscles beneath the materials.

“Why are you ogling Jeno?”

“I’m not,” You immediately defend yourself, attention snapping back to Xiaojun who's already staring back at you with an amused smirk, raising his eyebrow. “I’m not.”

“Pretty sure you are,” Minjun joins in this time and you harden your gaze at him, causing him to grin. “You like him?”

“No.”

“He’s attractive, for sure,” Xiaojun hums, taking a glance at him over your shoulder and watching him as he disappears up the staircase, probably to change out of his wet clothes. “I wouldn’t get too close to him though,”

Now that piques your interest, “Why?”

Xiaojun opens his mouth, ready to tell you what you’re surprisingly desperate to hear until he closes his mouth, brows rising in shock when you feel someone's arms slip around your shoulders to bring your back into their chest.

You immediately recognise it as Areum, the sweet citrus smell of her perfume overwhelming your senses and you turn your head to the side to see her already smiling at you, giving you a comforting squeeze before letting you go to stand beside you to greet Xiaojun.

Xiaojun seems hypnotised by her beauty just like many others are and it doesn’t surprise you, the beauty and the confidence that radiates off of her is enough to have your own heart thumping in your chest and feeling shy whenever she meets your eyes or gives you a pretty smile.

“I’m Areum,” She introduces herself as she reopens the cooler to fetch herself another beer. “Her roomie.”

Xiaojun whispers back in a daze, “Hi roomie.”

The look on Xiaojun’s face was comical when it slipped into conversation that Areum wasn’t interested in men, his eyes widening and mouth dropping open in shock as he profusely apologised, worried that his dazed look and minor flirtatious comments made her uncomfortable but she shook her head, laughing as she explained everything was fine and that he had no way of knowing her preferences.

Still, the trio got along quite well and even Mark, who joined in a few minutes prior after complaining about how he was locked in the bathroom for five minutes, got along with Areum and Minjun too. It made you smile, seeing the people you liked getting along with each other and exchanging socials and numbers, it also made you miss Jihoon a little bit, wishing he was here so you could introduce them to your duo of friends.

However, you did make a mental list to remind yourself to text Jihoon tomorrow morning and tell him you’d add him to the groupchat that Xiaojun was desperate to make.

It doesn’t take long for you all to split from each other too: Areum grabbing your hand to steal you away for a little while and you were surprised that Minjun didn’t follow behind like he usually does, but you were happy to see him so comfortable enough to stick around with Mark and Xiaojun who were happily discussing music techniques and even other bands they both seemed to enjoy.

Areum brought you to the living room this time where the music blasted from the stereo, making it a lot harder to hear what she was saying to you but you managed, opting to lean in close so she could whisper in your ear and you did the same.

You’re feeling awkward and uncomfortable now though, nursing the third beer in your hand as everyone around you either dances or heavily makes out with the person they’ve come with or even just met, finding it hard to focus your attention on anything as in every corner you look, you see people wrapped up in each other.

A gentle touch is placed on your arm, “Are you okay?”

“Hm?” You hum, looking at Areum who is staring back at you worryingly. “Why?”

“You’ve gone quiet,” She points out and a frown makes its way onto your lips, “Want to go home?”

“What? No. It’s fine,” You quickly shake your head. “I don’t want to ruin your night.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” Areum chuckles softly and when her gaze flicks over your shoulder, you see the surprised look on her face. “Seems like you’ve got an admirer tonight.”

Her words have you making a noise of confusion and she nods in the direction of your so-called ‘admirer’ and you’re embarrassingly quick to whip your head around, not making your movements subtle at all which she snorts at in amusement.

Your heart thumps loudly in your ears as you spot Donghyuck manspreading on the sofa a few feet in front of you, long dark hair hanging over his eyes and a joint resting between his lips which he inhales deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs for what seems to be an eternity until he exhales, passing the joint over to Yangyang all while staring directly at you.

You feel hot beneath his intense stare, the dress you're wearing now seeming a little too tight and revealing that you subconsciously wrap your arms around yourself to cover up, not missing the way Donghyuck’s lips curl into a smirk before he brings a bottle up to his mouth, chugging the alcoholic beverage.

You clear your throat, “That’s Donghyuck.”

“I know.”

Your head snaps towards Areum in surprise, “You know?”

“Yeah, of course,” Areum laughs lightly as she puts down her empty beer can on the windowsill. She presses her lips together as she leans back against the wall with her hands shoved into her low cut jeans. “Everyone here pretty much knows Donghyuck. He’s best friends with Jeno and that group.”

“Jeno…” You repeat the familiar name and you jab your thumb in the direction to where he’s standing, now dressed up in something completely different than last: wearing a white and dark grey ombre dress shirt with the buttons left undone, revealing his toned chest. You couldn’t look at him for too long without feeling flustered. “Him?”

“It’s his house—” She pauses, “Their house. They all live together, all five of them. But the sixth one recently moved out to live with his girlfriend.”

“Oh,” You blink, the curiosity inside of you building. “How do you know so much about this stuff?”

“They’re well-known,” Areum shrugs nonchalantly. “Some might say popular, I guess. Everyone pretty much knows everything about them… For starters, Jeno is the main guy that throws all these parties. He’s kind of a gym freak and he’s secretly really smart, he’s an engineering student. Jeno’s also one of those quote unquote ‘renown fuckboy’. He dated Miwoo for a long while—she’s the black haired one wearing a pretty black dress—but they broke up,

“Jaemin is one of the quiet ones, kind of mysterious in some ways too. You’ll hardly ever see him that much though, but he does appear every now and again to be around Jeno—they’ve been best friends for years. He’s a photography student who used to be in a serious relationship with a girl named Eunbin but they broke up. He did end up having a friends with benefits relationship with one of the girls in the group and then they got together, she’s currently away on a writer's trip,

“Renjun’s also one of the quiet ones, more of an observer. He sits in silence the majority of the time but he’s mean when he wants to be, plus doesn’t exactly take shit from anybody either so he can be kind of intimidating to some people. He’s an art student, some of his work is showcased on the walls in the art department. He’s also dating the pretty blonde that he's sitting with his arm around right now—Haru,

“Shotaro is the friendly and cute one that constantly smiles no matter what type of situation he is in. He’s pretty chilled out, carefree. He’s a dance student too… a really good one. He’s practically the baby of their group—everyone has a soft spot for him. He did however end up getting into a fight with Hyunjin because Yeji—Hyunjin’s ex—kissed him at a party. But even though Hyunjin was the one that threw the first punch, he ended up looking worse than Shotaro thanks to Yangyang who jumped in,

“Yangyang is another renown fuckboy, practically fucks anyone with a pussy between their legs. I’m almost positive he has slept with the majority of the girls in this room. He drinks and smokes weed a lot, and recently he’s been taking some harder stuff until he can’t physically function too. He once had a crush on one of the girls in their group—Jaemin’s now girlfriend—but nobody really knows what happened between them. I’m assuming he kept his feelings to himself considering Jaemin and her are all coupled up now, but anyway. Yangyang’s best friend is Donghyuck, you probably won’t ever see one without the other, they’re like two peas in a pod,

“Donghyuck… he’s interesting, I guess. A jokester, pretty dramatic at times but he can also switch into his serious mode which hardly no-one has ever seen. He parties a lot, definitely can outdrink anybody in this room. Smokes weed too and pops a few pills thanks to Sunwoo. He’s a little emo too which gives him a lot of attention—he’s attractive, he knows it. He sleeps around a lot and with anyone too, he plays both teams. But something kinda flipped in him after a while when he got a little obsessed with Aisha who actually rejected him not so long ago—”

“Isn’t, like, obsessed too much of a harsh word?” You cut her off with a frown, not liking the way she explained him to you. “Maybe he just had a crush on her or something? A big one?”

Areum laughs at that, clearly amused as she shakes her head. “No, sweetheart. When I say obsessed, I mean obsessed. The thing with Donghyuck is that he gets obsessed with people he likes pretty quickly… It’s like he gets infatuated with them, wants to give them his all and more.”

You can’t help but ask, “Is Aisha the only one that he’s been… obsessed with?”

“I doubt it. I heard that Donghyick was once obsessed with Jeno when they first became friends. It’s not that shocking, to be honest. Jeno is an attractive looking guy,” Areum explains to you as she pulls her hand out of her pocket, now holding a strawberry flavoured vape and placing it between her lips to inhale. She blows the smoke out of the corner of her mouth, making sure not to aim towards your face. “Donghyuck’s obsession with people can be pretty intense and sometimes I think Aisha made a lucky escape, although I’m familiar with how much she enjoys attention so she’ll probably want it back once she realises he’s got a new obsession.”

“A new obsession?” Your brows raise in surprise at that and you lean in closer as if what she’s telling you is about to be top secret. “Who is his new obsession?”

The smirk that spreads across Areum’s cheeks makes your body buzz and heart beat rapidly in your chest, growing even more curious but also nervous to know the answer as you watch as she takes another quick inhale of her vape before glancing over your shoulder.

“Well, with the way he’s staring at you over there with that look in his eyes, I think you’re the next target,” Areum’s eyes meet yours. “You’re his new obsession, sweetheart.”

His new what?

“No I’m not,” A laugh forces its way out of your throat, a nervous one at that. You found it slightly ridiculous, really. There was absolutely no way that you could be his ‘new obsession’. It doesn’t make any sense. “He hardly knows me. We haven’t even spoken a word to each other… I think you’ve got it wrong.”

“Maybe,” She hums, eyes flickering over your shoulder once more. “But with the way he’s walking over here, I think I might be right on this one.”

He is what?

You’re glued in place, unable to turn around and see if she’s telling the truth or teasing you. The look on her face seems serious which makes you feel nervous, but the tone she uses is light which makes you think maybe she is playing tricks, wanting to tease you and see your reactions.

But it’s the deep call of your name and the warm hand touching your upper arm is what makes you realise that she is, in fact, not lying.

The nerves and the anxiety kicks in as you turn to face the person who had called out your name, your breath getting caught in the back of your throat as you meet Donghyuck’s dark eyes and that smile you have seen plenty of times before in class—the smile he always gives you when you catch his attention and when you meet his gaze.

Having been this close to him, Donghyuck, without a doubt, is prettier up close and your tummy flutters at the proximity, almost wanting to take a step back just to put some space between you so you can breathe properly, to conjure up a thought or to even start the conversation as it dawns on you how long you’ve been embarrassingly quiet for.

“Hi,” You greet him, mentally kicking yourself for how silly your voice sounded. You open your mouth to speak again and you immediately regret what comes out, “You’re the guy from my music class.”

One of Donghyuck’s brows lifts in amusement, seemingly surprised but also enjoying how you’re pretending you don’t already know him but he plays along anyways, nodding his head slowly with that smile that makes your hands clammy. “I’m Donghyuck.”

“Donghyuck,” You repeat with a nod. His eyes darken at you saying his name, tongue coming out to sweep over his bottom lip to wet it. “I’m—”

“I know who you are.” He cuts you off and the embarrassment you feel amps up to a hundred, remembering how he called out your name a few moments prior. You’re unsure why you’re acting weird and awkward, maybe it was because he made you feel nervous.

“I’m going to get us another drink,” Areum tells you, placing her hand on your shoulder to get your attention and you turn to her, eyes widening at the thought of her leaving you. “I’ll be right back. Stay here.”

The second Areum slips into the crowd to head towards the kitchen area, Donghyuck takes her place by the wall, leaning against it comfortably as his ringed fingers run through his dark locks, pushing his bangs out of the way and revealing his forehead for a split moment before his hair falls back into place, the tips almost touching his eyes that never seem to leave you.

He finally asks, “Why did you pretend not to know me?”

“I don’t know,” You immediately reply, unable to stop yourself. “I didn’t mean it. I think I’m just nervous.”

The smile on his face widens before his bottom lip gets caught between his teeth, tilting his head to the side, “I make you nervous?”

“Big parties do,” You partially lie, clearing your throat. “People everywhere, you know… gets overwhelming.”

Donghyuck hums, “Right.”

“I’m serious,” You defend yourself for whatever reason and Donghyuck finds amusement in your voice and actions, eyes sparkling as you seemingly come out of your awkward shell for a few seconds, talking to him in a tone as you would with close friends and he even spots the corner of your lips twitching, almost smiling at him. “Being in a room crowded with people isn’t exactly something I enjoy.”

“I believe you,” He tells you softly. He wants to keep this conversation going, enjoying this side of you that’s slowly becoming comfortable with him already. He likes it, the sparkle in your eyes, the tone of your voice, the subtle peaceful expression on your face. He wants more. “Are you enjoying yourself here?”

That makes you pause. Are you enjoying yourself? You came with Areum and Minjun, two people who you enjoy being in the presence of. You stumbled across Xiaojun and Mark, two other people who bring enjoyment into your life and you were actually ecstatic when seeing Xiaojun for the first time earlier. The beer that was available in the cooler happened to be one of your favourite alcoholic beverages (you’ve had three of those already.) and the music that blasts from the speakers happens to be of a genre you listen to on the regular.

You finally have your answer, “It’s not so bad.”

“Could it be better?” Donghyuck presses and your lips press together in deep thought before shrugging your shoulders, somewhat agreeing. Donghyuck leans in towards you, “Could I make it better?”

Your brows pull together in confusion, “You can do that? How could you do that?”

Donghyuck can’t help but smile at that and you grow even more confused when he begins to laugh softly, shaking his head. You wonder if you said the wrong thing or if there was a certain meaning behind his question that you failed to pick up on.

A frown forms on your face due to you feeling a little stupid, thinking that he’s laughing at you or your dumb response and Donghyuck immediately notices you rebuilding the walls, how that look on your face that he adores slowly starts to slip and he straightens up against the wall, toning down his teasing.

“I like your dress, by the way.” His compliment shocks you, not expecting it to come from him and you instantly look down at your dress.

At first, you wonder what’s wrong with it. If there was a stain you didn’t notice or if there was a tear in the fabric, but then you come to terms with that fact there’s nothing wrong with the dress and, actually, it’s probably one of the best that you own. It doesn’t cling to your body uncomfortably nor does it seem loose, it fits you well.

You raise your head to thank him, but your words are stuck in the back of your throat when you notice the way he’s looking at you. He’s drinking you in, taking in your appearance, gaze roaming over the length of the dress with a deep inhale before his eyes snap back up to yours, the dark look returning.

“It’s pretty,” Donghyuck exhales, leaning his head back against the wall while keeping eye contact with you. “You’re really pretty.”

You’re flustered now. The attention from him becomes a bit too much and you find yourself feeling hot under his intense stare and there’s an unfamiliar feeling swirling in the pit of your tummy, something you’ve never felt before and it shocks you, but you try to not bring too much attention to it.

You debate on whether to thank him or to compliment him back on his own outfit: a loose graphic white shirt of a band you recognised paired with denim ripped jeans with chains hanging off the sides and a pair of doc martens on his feet. His signature leather jacket, one you’ve seen multiple times before in class, drapes across his shoulders.

He does look good (really good, but you won’t admit that part.)

As you open your mouth, surprisingly finding the confidence to compliment him on his own outfit choice, it gets taken away from you when Areum announces her return as she comes towards you with drinks in her hand, followed by Minjun, Xiaojun and Mark who decided to tag along.

You smile when Areum passes you a fresh drink, completely forgetting about the other that had become lukewarm in your hand and you’re unsure on what to do with it until it’s plucked from your grasp and you turn to look at Donghyuck who had taken it from you, clinking the can against your own in a small ‘cheers’ before he pushes himself off of the wall, his shoulder brushing yours as he heads back to where he originally came from.

You’re a little confused on why he left, watching as he drops down on the sofa beside Yangyang who looks like he’s exhausted, slouching against the sofa cushions and nodding to whatever Shotaro—you remembered him from when Areum pointed him out—was talking about and Donghyuck takes the joint from between his fingers, leaning against Yangyang as he takes a drag all while watching you.

It’s almost deja vu, the whole scene reminding you of earlier when he was looking at you from afar before he came on over to introduce himself. You find him odd, extremely odd, but you can’t deny the fact how intriguing he is.

“So,” Areum’s voice grabs your attention. “How was it?”

“Fine,” You quip, turning to face the four. “He seemed fine. Nothing about that conversation screamed ‘I’m obsessed with you’ so, I think you were wrong with that one.”

Mark almost drops his beer, the alcohol sloshing and spilling over his hands as it almost slips from his fingers as he stares at you in shock, mouth agape, “Dude… you’re the next target?”

You deadpan, “Can you stop calling me a target? It feels like I’m about to get assassinated.”

Xiaojun frowns, giving you a look of sympathy as he steps in closer to pat your back comfortingly, “You poor thing… my condolences. Stay strong, soldier.”

"Be quiet."

An hour or two later you find yourself standing outside to get some fresh air alone, staring down at the liquid in your cup. You’re not sure how many you’ve had but you hate how you’re unable to feel the buzz that’s affecting those who are around you, glancing up at the few strays of people that are stumbling across the well-kept grass or are giggling to themselves as they stare up at the star filled sky.

You wonder at first if the drink you have isn’t actually alcoholic, but from the reactions of your friends (who had been drinking the same brand with you the majority of the night.) they were already tipsy, or in Xiaojun’s case, drunk.

Maybe you just weren’t feeling it.

First college party jitters, Areum had called it when you had confided in her about the problem and you were undoubtedly embarrassed to hear her call it that, but she had reassured you that it was fine and that it was normal, and even she had experienced something similar when she came to her first college party at the beginning of the year.

Still, it made you feel embarrassed.

With a heavy sigh, you finish the rest of your drink, pulling a face at the burn that trickles down the back of your throat as you turn on your heel to head back inside where your friends are but you crash into something hard, causing you to stumble backwards in shock and a pair of hands come out to grab your elbows, steadying you on your feet.

“Careful, princess.” The person speaks. Any other time, the pet name would’ve made you flustered, especially with that deep tone, but you barely acknowledge it as you try to shake yourself out of your startled state and you wince when you put too much pressure on your ankle, figuring you must’ve twisted it awkwardly when you bumped into the stranger.

You curse under your breath as you feel the throb but you try not to pay too much attention to it as you finally meet eyes with Donghyuck who is already staring back at you, the grip he has on your elbows tightening slightly as you make eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry.” You apologise instantly, “I didn’t see you.”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck dismisses it with a shake of his head and his attention drops down to your ankle, his brows pulling together. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“Oh, yeah, just a bit. But it’s fine, honest—”

The words get caught at the back of your throat as Donghyuck kneels down onto the grass to inspect the damage, cold fingers delicately touching your leg and trailing down to your ankle, the sudden action causing goosebumps to rise to your skin and you can just make out the corner of his lips twitching.

He traces the area with the pads of his fingertips slowly, suddenly aware of how close he’s leaning in as you feel his breath fan over your calf. His hand takes a hold of your ankle gently and carefully not to hurt you, the delicate strokes of his thumb sending a shiver up your spine and you wonder if he notices how nervous you’ve become.

Donghyuck presses his fingers down on a certain spot on your ankle and you hiss in surprise at the throb that comes with it, your hand instinctively slapping down on his shoulder in retaliation for the pain he caused but your mouth drops open in surprise while he glances up at you with a grin, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“It’s not broken or anything,” He informs you before you could start to apologise again for your sudden actions, raising back up onto his feet. “You just twisted it awkwardly when you bumped into me.”

“Do you major in nursing alongside music or something?”

Donghyuck smiles at that, a laugh leaving his lips. “No. I’m just good at knowing my way around a body,” You immediately pick up the suggestive tone in his voice and your brows raise in surprise, feeling flustered and shy under his gaze that doesn’t waver from you. “You know, that’s the second time you’ve crashed into me—”

“Accidently.”

“Right,” He hums. “What’s that saying? Once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence—”

“And three times is a pattern,” You finish. “It’s not a coincidence or pattern. Both are mistakes. I don’t go walking around searching for you in hopes to bump into you.”

“Aw, that’s a shame.”

“That I’m not purposely bumping into you?”

“That you’re not searching around for me.”

Your face grows hot at his forwardness and your eyes flick downwards to a patch of grass you suddenly find interest in, the shyness that creeps upon you making it hard for you to look at him.

Donghyuck remains staring at you and the corner of his lips curl into a smirk, amused at how easily you seem to be flustered when it comes to him already. He basks in it, he loves knowing how much he affects you and it excites him even more when he dips his head to meet your eyes but you avert your attention elsewhere.

He dips his hand into his jean pocket to pull out a singular pack of cigarettes, “Do you want one?”

“I don’t smoke.”

Donghyuck pauses, his fingers ghosting over the opening of the pack. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

You frown and that's when you look up to meet his eyes, confused. “Why wouldn’t I mind?”

“Some people don’t like being around smokers,” Donghyuck shrugs. “The smell and all.”

“I’m at a party where the air reeks of cigarettes, weed and alcohol,” You point out, a smile slowly starting to form on your lips. “I wouldn’t be here if I minded the smell. And besides, I can smell the weed on your clothes from earlier too and I haven’t said a word about it. I’m fine.”

He blinks once, twice, “Do I smell bad?”

“No,” You rush out to reassure him, shaking your head. “No, not at all. You smell fine.”

“Just fine?”

“You smell good.” You correct yourself.

The smirk returns as he tilts his head to the side, “Yeah?”

You come to a conclusion that he definitely enjoys making you embarrassed and flustered, and you let out a breathy laugh, tongue prodding at your cheek in slight annoyance at how easy it is for him to make you feel this way.

If it was anyone else, you fight back. You always fight back. Being roommates with Areum and close friends with Minjun, Xiaojun, Mark and Jihoon had made you defensive, being a victim to their countless teasing and jokes you had learned over time to return it.

But unfortunately there is something about Donghyuck that makes your words get caught in the back of your throat and your mind go completely blank, unable to think properly or even say something back.

“Whose is this?” Donghyuck’s already changing the subject, almost giving you whiplash at how easily he can switch to different topics without hesitating or missing a beat. His fingers reach out to touch Minjun’s jacket that’s draped over your shoulders, something that he had given you to keep you warm while you stepped outside. Donghyuck hums, brows pulling together. “You weren’t wearing this earlier.”

“Oh.” Your own fingers graze over the leather jacket. “It’s Minjun’s.”

Donghyuck drily asks, “Who?”

“He’s a friend.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue against his teeth with a hum, “Yeah, well, your friend's jacket is covering this pretty dress of yours.”

The tone in his voice made your brows raise in surprise, the slight annoyance and disapproval of Minjun’s jacket covering—what he claims—a pretty dress was something you weren’t expecting, although it made your chest blossom with warmth and your face grew hot at the subtle compliment.

He’s not speaking now, which makes you feel a bit awkward having to stand in silence with him, minus the music that’s blasting from inside the house and a few lingering people out in the garden that are having drunken conversations around you. His lips are pressing together tightly, jaw locking and unlocking as his brows furrow as if he’s thinking deeply about something, fidgeting in his spot with his fingers twitching around his own jacket after he retracted them from Minjun’s.

You think maybe it’s time for you to leave, to say your goodbyes and find your friends so you can be free of the awkward tension you’re feeling. You want to stay with him though, not exactly eager to disappear away from him so soon just like how he practically walked away from you earlier when the others had come to join the conversation.

“Do you want another drink?” You catch yourself asking him before you could ever register the question in your head and your heart thumps wildly in your chest as Donghyuck slowly turns to look at you, “I mean, I noticed your hands are empty—and I want another drink too, so…”

Donghyuck stares at you for a moment longer before a smile breaks out onto his lips and he nods, agreeing to get another drink from the kitchen with you. But what you didn’t expect was Donghyuck to hold out his hand, wiggling his fingers enticingly in the air to coax you into taking his hand in your own.

You’re hesitant to take it, not wanting him to feel how clammy your palms already are and you most definitely didn’t want to embarrass yourself for being so nervous during this entire interaction.

“I don’t bite, you know,” He says with a whisper and it sends shivers tingling down your spine at how close he leans in to tell you that. He tilts his head to the side as he smirks, “Unless—”

“DONGHYUCK!”

The unfamiliar voice that shouts out his name startles you and your head whips around so fast you swear you hear a crack, immediately noticing a pretty, long haired girl stumble out of the backdoor of the house, almost tripping over her own heels before she collects herself, bringing her hand up to her forehead and squinting as she scans the garden for the boy in question.

You slowly face Donghyuck again and he’s still looking at you, not even paying attention to the calls of his name that echo throughout the garden, not even flinching at the loudness. He’s still holding his hand out to you, waiting for you to take it so you could both go inside but you feel as if maybe it’s the wrong thing to do right now, looking back and forth between him and the girl.

You state, “Someone is calling for you.”

“I know, she’s drunk, ignore her,” Donghyuck dismisses it with a shake of his head and he reaches out further towards you, fingertips brushing over the top of your hand. “Let’s go get that drink, princess. Yeah?”

You don’t even get the chance to decide to accept or decline as the girl approaches you both and immediately throws herself at Donghyuck and punches his arm repeatedly, rambling about something that he had kept hidden from ‘the rest of them’ and she even goes as far as shoving her hand into the front pocket of his jeans.

You blink away awkwardly, unsure of what to do or even to say but you look back at the pair when she pulls out a small bag of weed with a wail of victory.

“I knew you fucking had it,” She hisses, landing another punch on his arm and he rolls his eyes, trying to snatch it out of her grasp but she pulls it away quickly out of his reach, almost bumping into you in the process and her eyes widen in surprise. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

You shake your head, “It’s fi—”

“Miwoo.” Donghyuck speaks her name through gritted teeth and it instantly rings a bell, remembering that she was one of the girls that Areum had told you about earlier, one of Donghyuck’s best friends exes. “Why don’t you take the weed and go share it with Yangyang? Yeah?”

“You’re really pretty,” Miwoo completely ignores Donghyuck to compliment you, eyes checking you out from head to toe with a smile that makes you feel a little flustered but it disappears, replacing with a grimace as she jabs her thumb back at Donghyuck, “Why are you talking to him?”

Donghyuck’s hand comes up to rub the bridge of his nose, seemingly getting frustrated with his friends words and you can’t help but smile at that, finding the situation a little comical and you watch as Donghyuck manages to get her attention, the pair getting warped into a miniature argument that has you trying to bite back your amusement, pressing your lips together tightly to try and not smile even wider.

Although, your watching moment is cut short when you hear Areum call out your name and you turn to look over your shoulder to see her beckoning your forwards and you nod, wanting to politely bid your goodbyes to Donghyuck and Miwoo but you decide against it when you them at each other's throats with petty insults, quickly making your escape to Areum who loops your arms with hers, tugging you back into the house where the others are patiently waiting for you.

Donghyuck notices your disappearance almost immediately and his shoulders drop with a sigh, glaring at Miwoo who isn’t the least affected by his darkened gaze as she dips her fingers inside the baggy to pull out a pre-rolled joint.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I know,” Miwoo grins before she meets Donghyuck’s eye, “She’s really pretty.”

“Yeah, I know,” Donghyuck mumbles under his breath, tongue prodding at his cheek in annoyance as he rips the bag and the joint out of Miwoo’s hands. “Give me that. You don’t deserve it, asshole.”

The amusement on your face is obvious when Xiaojun and Mark step into the Dreamies Café, both dressed in oversized hoodies and wearing sunglasses to block out the brightness of the sun and the lights from burning their eyes, arms dangling at their sides as they drag their feet across the flooring towards the table where you and Jihoon are sat waiting for them.

You arrived ten minutes before the two of them did and you were surprised to already see Jihoon sitting at the table with everyone's preferred drinks, and even when you tried to hand over the money for your own, he just looked at you as if you deeply offended him and swatted your hand away before pulling out a chair and telling you to sit.

Xiaojun doesn’t seep a word as he slumps down in the seat opposite you, but he does gesture a quick thank you to Jihoon for the drink and he lifts the straw to his lips to take a long sip, chest rumbling with a satisfied hum as he relaxes into his seat, the ice clinking in his iced matcha as he continuous to drink.

“Hey,” Mark greets you both as he sits on the seat at the end of the table, fingers curling around the plastic cup of his watermelon ade as he glances over at Jihoon. “Thanks, man. I’ll venmo you the money.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jihoon dismisses with a wave of his hand. “It’s on me anyways. You paid for my drink last time we were here,” His gaze suddenly flicks over to Xiaojun, the corner of his lips twitching. “You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit,” Xiaojun grumbles, craning his head back. “But fuck those cocktails tasted good.”

“You know, you’re probably going to have to give Jeno the money back for raiding his stash.”

“Actually, it belonged to Yangyang,” Xiaojun corrects as he digs his hand through the front of his jean pockets, pulling out his phone and swiping up to get to his notification bar and he angles the screen towards the three of you with a grimace. “He dmed me on Instagram this morning telling me to pay him back but I’m not even going to open it.”

“Dude,” Mark gives him a pointed look. “You can’t do that.”

“But I can,” Xiaojun locks his phone and places it down on the table with a grin. “And I will.”

Jihoon murmurs, “But you drank his stuff without his permission.”

“He uses my laptop in classes without my permission!” Xiaojun argues back immediately, “It’s payback.”

“You shouldn’t have given him your password.”

“I didn’t. I gave it to Donghyuck because he wanted—” Xiaojun suddenly pauses, blinking a few times as he registers his own words before smacking his lips together with a nod, exhaling deeply through his nose. “Yeah. That’s my fault. Should’ve guessed Donghyuck wouldn’t keep his mouth shut about that.”

The mention of Donghyuck has you thinking back on last night and a subtle smile makes its way onto your lips, twisting the straw of your coffee in between your teeth as you go over the interaction in your head.

The smirk he always has, the tone of his voice as he speaks to you, the way he always keeps eye contact and doesn’t even falter once when something else is going on around him. His somewhat flirtatious comments and his lingering touches is what surprises you the most, but you tell yourself that maybe that’s just his personality.

He’s like that with everyone, he must be.

“What’s got you smiling over there?” A teasing voice breaks you out of your thoughts, startling you as your head shoots up and you see Xiaojun grinning at you across the table, chin resting on the palm of his hand as he waits for you to explain the reason for your smiling but you remain tight lipped, causing his grin to drop. “Don’t be like that.”

“Don’t be nosy.” You fire back jokingly.

A soft call of your name makes you turn your head to Jihoon, “Did you enjoy the party yesterday?”

“It was fine,” You nod your head. “Didn’t get as drunk as everyone else did, but it was fine. College parties can be kind of overwhelming though,” You scratch the back of your neck awkwardly as you admit, “I don’t know why but I didn’t expect that many people to be there…”

“Yeah, Jeno is pretty well-known,” Mark hums as he takes a sip through his straw, leaning back in his seat comfortably. “Don’t get me wrong, like, that entire group are pretty much well-known but it’s mainly Jeno that gets the most attention and rallies everyone up for parties.”

“Areum kind of explained everything to me about them last night,” You say. “They’re an interesting group, I think. They also come across as a little intimidating apart from Shotaro… he was just smiling the entire night.”

“Shotaro’s sweet,” Mark agrees, nodding his head. “Also, once you get to really know them, they aren’t that intimidating—”

“I don’t know about that. Renjun still makes my skin crawl.” Xiaojun interrupts with a shiver.

“Renjun’s just not a people person,” Mark explains with a shrug of his shoulders. “He’s actually really nice if you have a one on one conversation with him,” Mark then turns his attention back on you, “But seriously, none of them are that intimidating once you get to really know them or be around them. Take Yangyang and Donghyuck for example, we don’t find either of them ‘intimidating’ since we share a class with them.”

“They’re just annoying,” Xiaojun chimes in again with a grimace on his face. “Especially Yangyang.”

You can’t help but chuckle at that, “What’s your problem with Yangyang?”

“Yangyang likes to annoy people a lot,” Jihoon is the one to explain to you as Xiaojun rubs at his temples at the mere thought of Yangyang. “He enjoys getting on people's nerves and, fortunately for him, Xiaojun reacts to everything he does so that just makes him do it even more… although, he hasn’t really been doing anything lately. He’s just been kinda numbed out.”

You hum, “Areum also mentioned that he indulges himself into some hard shit, alongside the weed and the alcohol.”

“That’s heartbreak for you, I guess.” Mark mumbles under his breath with a frown, tone sullen and your brows pull together in confusion, wanting to question it a little bit more but you struggle to find the opportunity when another topic is brought up.

“And obviously you know so much about Donghyuck already.”

“No I don’t,” You snip, sending a hard look Xiaojun’s way as he bats his pretty eyelashes at you. You repeat, “No I don’t”

“You were outside in the garden with him for quite some time last night~”

“I’m surprised you even remembered that considering when I walked back into the house, you were on your eighth shot dancing with one of the kitchen chairs.”

“Hey,” Xiaojun points his finger at you, “I may have been drunk but this brain of mine remembers everything.” He then smiles at you, “What did you guys talk about? Did he mention that you’re now his new obsession?”

Jihoon almost spits out his drink, “You’re his new obsession?”

“Why do you all call it that?” You huff with a frown, leaning back in your seat with your arms crossed over your chest. “It sounds mean—and wrong.”

“It’s kinda the truth,” Mark gives you a sorry expression. “Donghyuck does get obsessed with people and I’m almost positive he even knows it himself… He falls for people hard and he becomes so infatuated with them until they say they want nothing to do with him, and he just… stops.”

“He was into Aisha before,” Xiaojun states but you already knew that from Areum’s previous explanation. “He liked her a lot and I’m pretty sure she was into it for a while considering she flirted back and there were even rumours that they hooked up, like, once or twice… but I guess she got bored with that so she made up a lie and told Donghyuck that she was dating Mark—”

“Me. Of all people.” Mark points to himself in disbelief and shakes his head, the expression on his face being enough to get a laugh out of you.

“I mean, I would believe it,” Jihoon shrugs his shoulders, causing Mark to look at him incredulously. “Come on, you once walked out of a bathroom with her at a Halloween party with your spider-man costume unzipped and your mask gone—”

“I had to fucking piss really bad and I couldn’t get out of the costume because I was drunk so she helped me,” Mark immediately defends himself, a pout forming on his lips. “Besides, it was hot, I wasn’t going to wear the mask all night.” He then fires back up, “I wouldn’t fuck someone in dingy club’s disgusting bathroom, dude!”

Xiaojun blinks, “You lost your virginity in a cheap motel room with your ex-girlfriend.”

Mark bites back, “You lost yours in your grandma's basement, shut up.”

“Okay, wow, uncalled for.”

“Don’t argue…” Jihoon sighs, rubbing his forehead at their raised voices and your brows raise as the pair both turn to look at Jihoon with blank expressions before they speak in sync.

“You lost yours in the college janitor closet and got caught.”“Wait, really?” You gape at Jihoon in shock, not expecting someone like a quiet and socially awkward Jihoon to do something so scandalous on campus grounds. But your shock dies down and morphs into shyness when you realise the trio are now looking at you, expecting you to chime in with your own embarrassing virginity story but the problem was, you had none. Your virginity is still intact.

“Do you not have one?” Mark questions after a few minutes of awkward silence and you shake your head, avoiding his eyes. He questions genuinely again, not a hint of teasing in his tone as he whispers quietly. “Are you a virgin?”

You nod.

“Aww…” Xiaojun coos softly, causing your head to snap towards him as he smiles sweetly at you, “That’s cute.”

Your face immediately burns with embarrassment as you sink further down into your seat, a deep frown settling on your lips, “Don’t ever call my virginity cute again.”

“Wow… I’m immensely impressed,” Professor Kim mumbles under his breath as he slips the headphones off of his head after listening to a little recording you had made on your computer, his lips curled into satisfied grin as he places the headphones down on the table and you beam happily, glancing between him and your computer screen. “I’m also really impressed that you finished this today. I was expecting you to show me the finished product by at least next week… I’m grateful that you take this class seriously.”

“I enjoy music,” You tell him honestly as you tap your fingers nervously on your desk, “Is there anything I need to change or to work on?”

“There’s nothing you need to work on, it sounds great,” He compliments yet you prepare yourself for the rest, “But for changes? I would like to encourage you to partner up with some of the other students in the class, work together on a piece and let your music styles blend together to see how well it compliments each other, or even try and create something new.”

“So, like a group project?”

“Exactly,” Professor Kim nods. “Like I said, you’re impressive. You’re an amazing guitarist and pianist, your music is incredible when you’re solo. But I would like to hear it within a group too. Yangyang is an incredible bass player that you can maybe add. Xiaojun and Aisha are amazing vocalists, Donghyuck too and he’s also great at the guitar. Jihoon is talented with the keyboard and Mark can do just about everything. Seriously, think about it. I would love to hear how you sound within a group.”

With a kind smile and a gentle pat to your shoulder, Professor Kim excuses himself to go talk to another student, leaving you alone to think about his words.

It’s not that you didn’t want to work in a group. You’re almost positive that working with your friends will be a fun type of chaotic mess that will have your stomach cramping and tears streaming down your cheeks from laughing so much.

It’s just that you didn’t know how to work in a group. You’ve always been independent in some sort of sense, especially with your own creations. You preferred sitting alone with your headphones snug on your head, testing out different sounds and techniques all by yourself, choosing what sounds best and what suits your needs.

But working in a group? Settling on one thing that will make each of you happy? That is foreign territory… that is stressful.

“So, what did he say to you?” Jihoon asks with a gentle nudge at your shoulder to get your attention and you pull your eyes away from your laptop screen to give him a tight lipped smile.

“He liked it. He just wants me to try out group work,” You almost start pleading, “Got any room in your group project for me to fit in?”

“Sure,” Jihoon nods with a kind smile, “Although I feel like I should probably warn you by saying that sometimes it’s not just me, Mark and Xiaojun working together… Donghyuck and Yangyang sometimes come back and forth, especially for Mark.”

Your brows raise in surprise, “They’re in your group too?”

“Not exactly. It’s more like them coming to us when we’re working to borrow Mark for their project,” Jihoon explains to you as he nods over at Mark who’s currently leaning on a desk with Donghyuck and Yangyang at his sides, peering over his shoulder to look at his laptop screen. “Mark pretty much floats in and out of other people's groups. It’s what you get for being an allrounder I guess.”

“Professor Kim mentioned something like that.” You mumble as you watch the trio, the corner of your lips twitching upwards in a slight smile as Mark scoffs at something Donghyuck says, swatting him away with his hand as Donghyuck grins mischievously and murmurs something in his ear, causing Mark to push at his head this time and Donghyuck stumbles back with a laugh.

Yangyang remains silent, idly drumming his fingers on the desk and rubbing tiredly at his sullen eyes beneath his hood. He seems to stop when turning his body towards you, as if looking your way to which makes your back straighten up, especially when Donghyuck’s head whips around at a mumble from Yangyang, looking directly at you.

From across the room, Donghyuck smiles that crooked grin of his and his eyebrow quirks up when he sees that you’re already staring back at him. You can feel the warmth rising to your cheeks at being caught, and though you try to suppress the shy feeling that creeps in, you know he can already tell exactly how you’re feeling as his eyes twinkle with amusement, tilting his head to the side as if to tease you even more.

Donghyuck’s eyes never leave you as you turn away, trying to busy yourself with something else as your heart thumps wildly in your ears, feeling too overwhelmed to glance back at Donghyuck despite seeing him in your peripheral vision.

“You really have caught his attention,” Jihoon mutters beside you with a chuckle and you whip around to face him, eyes wide. “I thought that maybe Xiaojun and Mark were teasing you… but I guess Donghyuck really has started to take a liking to you. You are his new obsession.”

#nct dream fic #nct dream au #nct series #haechan au #haechan fic #haechan series #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #fic: you'll never find anyone like me #neo tech college series

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queenshelby · 4 years

Text

Just Friends - Cillian Murphy Imagine

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: SMUT

Words: 5034

Foreword:

I have never written anything for an actual person. For my own comfort, I will not be referring to Cillian’s actual family and, instead, I have created two small biographies for the Reader and Cillian.

Biography:

The Reader:

The Reader is 24 years old and recently moved to Dublin with her 5 year old son, Max in order to take up a fantastic job offer.

Max’s father isn’t interested in a relationship with his son and separated from the Reader pretty much as soon as she found out that she was pregnant.

The Reader is a novelist and editor for the Irish Times.

The Reader’s interests include books, listening to records, theatre and attending live music gigs.

The Reader has a close relationship with her grandmother who is 65 years old and a writer herself. She also lives in Dublin with her second husband, who is originally from Galway.

Cillian:

Cillian is 42 years old in this story. He is divorced from his wife Siobhan and has two kids, Charlie (6) and Hendricks (8).

He lives in a town house in Dublin and shares custody.

In this story, he finished filming Season 4 of Peaky Blinders about three months ago, which is when the Reader first met him.

---------------------------

JUST FRIENDS

Three and a half months ago you moved to Dublin to take a position as editor at the Irish Times. Initially, the move was daunting to you as you were a single mother and moving your son to a different preschool concerned you.

Fortunately, your grandmother was living in Dublin as well and offered to help you with looking after your son, Max. She was a retired novelist herself and you always had a close relationship with her. Having her around was a blessing.

Over the years, you also met some Irish writers and established good relationships with them. Therefore, finding friends in Dublin was not an issue.

One of your best friends was a play writer from London and was working in Ireland at the time, promoting her theatre play called ‘Blessings’. She introduced you to a bunch of people, most of which were working in the entertainment industry in some way or another.

Whilst all of your new found friends were a fair bit older than you, you related to them. You had interests in common and most of them had children, just like you. They understood that sometimes plans had to be cancelled and flexibility was limited. Having children is a commitment which many of your younger friends didn’t understand. You weren’t interested in late nights because a young child meant early mornings. For this reason, you would much rather attend a dinner and board game night as a opposed to a night club.

And this is how you met a very interesting man named Cillian. Three months ago, your friend Orla invited you to a board game night with a couple of her friends. Cillian was pretty much the only other single person in attendance and, since this was a board game that had to be played in teams of two, you and Cillian were paired up with him.

He was funny and smart and very attractive. You had a good time that night and even won the game with your combined knowledge of random trivial facts.

He was a fun person to be around and you had several common interests.

Over the next few months, you spent a fair bit of time together, mostly with other friends but sometimes alone when your friends were doing things as couples with their partners.

Just recently, you went record shopping together and the weekend before last you and another friend of yours would take all of your kids to Dublin Zoo for the day. Your son Max developed a great friendship with Cillian’s youngest son Charlie. Playdates were a common occurrence.

While both of you separately explored the dating world, you really enjoyed Cillian’s company as a friend and he enjoyed yours and you would often chat about the mishaps you encountered and laugh about them. Dates gone wrong was one of your favourite topics.

The last relationship Cillian had was with a co-worker, which was far from ideal. They’ve met on set of one of his movies about a year after he divorced from his wife, but things didn’t go as planned and the relationship didn’t last. It ended about four months ago, being just one month before you met.

The last relationship you had was over a year ago and it also didn’t last as your boyfriend couldn’t deal with the fact that you were a single mum and that your son always came first.

For Valentines Day this year, your friends set up dates for each of you. It was disastrous. Neither of you were interested in committing at this point and you both were rather flustered about your friends’ efforts after you both had told them not to bother.

You were happy singles.

Theatre Night

As happy singles, you decided to go and see your friend’s new play ‘Blessings’ with some of your other friends on the night you all managed to be child free for once. It took a while to organise but was worth the effort.

‘Hi Max, how was preschool?’ Cillian asked as he opened the door to your townhouse for Cillian while you were in the bathroom, putting up your hair.

Max met Cillian numerous times and got along with him very well. After all, Cillian had a son the same age as Max.

‘Good. Do you want me to show you what I made?’ Max asked while you waived at Cillian from the bathroom.

‘Absolutely, show me’ Cillian said with a smile as he followed Max into the living room.

‘Look’ Max said as he held up two paintings.

‘Wow, is that a T-Rex?’ Cillian asked, causing Max to nod with excitement.

‘That’s very cool…he looks super scary’ Cillian added just as there was another knock on the door.

It was your grandmother who was here to pick up Max for his sleepover at her house.

You opened the door and asked Max to get his bag from the living room which you had packed for him earlier.

‘Nan, this is my friend Cillian’ you said as you introduced Cillian to your grandmother.

‘Hello Cillian, I am Margot. I loved Grief is a Thing with Feathers. It was such an intense play’ she said, knowing right away who he was despite the fact that you had never mentioned him to her before.

‘Thank you Margot and I loved By The Sea, it was a fantastic book’ Cillian responded. He read the book after you told him about your grandmother. Your writing style was very similar to hers and he always loved a good book.

‘Oh thank you very much. Now Max, are you ready?’ your grandmother asked.

Max was ready and you said goodbye, giving him a big hug and thanking your grandmother for looking after him for the night.

While Cillian waited in the living room, you finished your make up and slipped on your shoes.

‘Thank you for picking me up. I really have no idea where this place is’ you said as you grabbed your bag and the two of you were heading out of the door.

‘Any time Y/N, it isn’t far from here actually’ Cillian said.

As you were walking to the Arthouse Theatre you talked about all sorts of things, music, childcare and books.

It was a cold night in Dublin and you were probably underdressed for the occasion.

At the Arthouse Theatre you met up with another two friends of yours. They were both married, to each other, and shared three children. Luckily for them, they had a baby sitter that night.

The play was amazing and you all enjoyed it with a few glasses of wine which were served at the theatre. Cillian had good taste when it came to wine and you usually sought his guidance on what to order.

After you left the theatre, you felt awfully hungry. You hadn’t eaten dinner that night.

‘I am starving, is anyone else up for Pizza?’ you asked your three friends, including Cillian

‘We would love to, but only have a baby sitter until 9pm, sorry’ Amanda said, explaining that she and her husband had to head home fairly soon.

‘What about you Cilly?’ you asked.

‘I would love some Pizza, let’s go to Pizzinis’ he said.

Both you and Cillian said goodbye to your friends and made your way to Pizzinis.

As usual, it was packed and there were no table available.

‘Wanna grab them take away and go back to my place? I’ve got wine and you can show me this new album you were talking about earlier’ you said.

‘Sounds good, let’s do that’ Cillian said before ordering two pizzas.

More than Friends

You arrived at your apartment about 30 minutes later and Cillian put on some music. He found this new Irish band he liked and you were really keen to hear them.

‘Hmm Indie…I like it’ you said as he connected his i-phone to your speakers.

‘Wine?’ you asked as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf.

‘Yes please and thanks’ Cillian said as he put the pizzas on the table.

‘I was meant to ask you, how was your Valentine’s date?’ Cillian asked before taking the first bite of the pizza.

‘Oh god, don’t remind me on it please’ you said with a laugh.

‘That good ey? What happened?’ Cillian laughed.

‘He was weird. He basically left after I told him about Max’ you responded.

‘I think that sometimes guys your age might be a bit freaked out by the fact that you have child. I can’t say that I blame them. I couldn’t imagine myself becoming a step father when I was in my 20s’ Cillian said.

‘He was 32’ you responded.

‘Well maybe he was just weird and you are just unlucky when it comes to dating’ Cillian laughed.

‘Yeah, maybe…I am just over dating’ you said…’What about your date?’ you asked.

‘Pretty average. I mean she was nice but had no sense of humour’ Cillian said.

‘Oh what, wait…she didn’t laugh at your Irish jokes?’ you laughed.

‘Outrageous I know. I mean how could she not?’ Cillian joked.

‘Here is to failed dates’ you said as you held up your wine glass for a toast.

‘To failed dates’ Cillian responded with smile.

Over the next hour or so, Cillian and you finished both pizzas and talked about books, including the book you were currently writing, music and embarrassing things your kids had done.

Quite music was playing in the background by then while you talked and laughed together until Cillian brought up a specific book he had read recently, written by a writer named J A Hanson, which he said reminded him on you in a way.

‘I have read all of her books and I really wish I could write romance as well as her’ you said.

‘Her books aren’t exactly romantic’ Cillian responded.

‘Her storylines aren’t romantic, but the character she uses in all of her books involves herself romantically with several other characters throughout the series. The way she writes makes you relate to the character even in these intimate moments’ you explained.

‘She is 60 and probably speaking from experience. I have read in a paper a few months back that she had quite an interesting and adventurous youth in the 70s and 80s’ Cillian said.

‘Free Love…Yeah, I have read this too’ you laughed. ‘Perhaps I just need some inspiration to get over my block, otherwise I will never finish this damn novel’ you said as you poured yourself some more wine.

‘You don’t have to answer this, but when was the last time that…?’ Cillian asked and, before he could finish his question, you interrupted him.

‘That I had sex? Gosh…well over a year ago’ you responded, causing Cillian’s chin to drop.

‘Over a year? Seriously? I mean, surely, a woman like you would get plenty of offers…’ Cillian said, not knowing what else to tell you.

‘A woman like me? What do you mean by that Cilly?’ you asked with a slight giggle.

‘Well, you are attractive, smart and funny. You would get a fair bit of interest’ Cillian responded.

‘So, you think I am attractive?’ you asked with a smirk, causing Cillian to choke slightly on his wine. He regretted what he had said almost instantly, causing awkwardness between you.

‘Well yeah, I think you are an attractive woman’ Cillian said quietly. ‘In a totally objective way of course’ he added, while, just in this moment, you observed his facial expressions.

You observed him drop his eyes to your lips as he said it, and then lower to the place where your shirt opens at the collar, the buttons undone to below your collarbone.

He pressed his lips together. ‘I think I should probably get go…’ he said, and, before he could finish his sentence, you leaned in and kissed him suddenly, like the peck you give a boy you like on the school bus the second before you jump up and get off – a brief bravery without a plan.

He was caught by surprise.

‘Y/N’ he said and, before he could say something else, you apologised to him for what just happened.

‘I am sorry Cilly, I don’t know what just came over me’ you said.

‘It’s alright, I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was inappropriate’ Cillian said.

But, with Cillian’s response, you couldn’t leave it alone and asked ‘So, you don’t think that I am attractive?’ you asked, giggling slightly with some embarrassment.

‘Any man who thinks that you aren’t attractive is clearly blind. But, with that being said, it doesn’t matter what I think, you are 18 years younger than me and it would be wrong for us to take this further. Despite, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship’ Cillian said calmly.

You didn’t know what to say to his comment and, instead of using any words, you ran your hand gently over the side of his perfect face while biting your lip.

‘Just one kiss between friends then, we can blame the red wine after’ you whispered as a comfortable hot feeling washed over you. You felt some sort of attraction towards Cillian since the moment you met him, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.

‘I don’t know Y/N’ Cillian said as you leaned closer towards him and pressed your lips onto his. You knew he was reluctant but he didn’t push you away.

To the contrary, as you kissed him, his hand came up in a rush to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Within seconds, his tongue slipped between your lips, whispering over your teeth and began dancing with your tongue.

You noticed the brush of his stubble on your cheek, the press of his lips on yours and the way his mouth tasted, a mix of minty gum and red wine.

It shouldn’t have been so hot, but it was. The taste of him, the smell and flavour, and it made you whimper in your throat. You knew this was one off and you didn’t want this moment to end.

‘Are you ok?’ he asked after he pulled back a little and paused. He was scanning your eyes and there was a cautious considering from his side. You could tell that he was surprised about what had just happened.

‘Yeah, you?’ you said as you couldn’t help yourself but stare into his baby blue eyes.

‘Yes’ he said as he cleared his throat slightly.

There was an awkward silence in the room and you couldn’t stand it.

You build up all of your courage again and leaned over him, pressing your lips onto his once more.

Cillian didn’t hesitate then.

His tongue slipped right back into the same spot than before, before his lips then moved over your face and down to your neck, leaving gentle bites and kisses.

Cillian’s hands were busy touching you at the same time his lips were trailing over your neck.

One of his hands was in your hair at the back of your head while his other hand was moving down to press the small of your back so that your body was pulled forward into his.

As you were exchanging passionate kisses, you could feel the shape of him, the firmness of his body against yours, your legs pressing into his and his chest pressing into your breasts. You could also feel his erection through his jeans, hard as anything, rigid and warm against your tummy.

By this time, you wanted more than just kisses.

‘Sleep with me, just that once’ you whispered.

‘I can’t Y/N, you are 24, it is not right’ Cillian said pulling away from you.

‘It’s just sex Cilly, I am old enough for that’ you laughed.

‘Yes, but I don’t want this to ruin our friendship’ Cillian said.

‘It won’t. There are no strings attached, it’s just sex. Unless you don’t want me’ you responded. ‘Although I think you do’ you giggled as you ran your hand over his pants, feeling his erection.

Your comment made Cillian chuckle.

‘This is a one off, alright?’ Cillian asked, causing you to nod.

‘One off…and it stays our little secret’ you said before smashing your lips back onto his for another minute or two.

After you exchanged more passionate kisses you stood up.

‘Common, I show you my bedroom’ you said cheekily, taking his hand and guiding him towards the bed.

‘Can you help me with this please’ you asked, turning around to face the bed. Your back was now facing Cillian and you pulled your hair aside so that he can open the zipper of your dress.

Cillian unzipped your dress carefully, exposing your black lace underwear.

As you pushed your dress down onto the floor, Cillian began kissing your back and neck, while running his hands over your breasts and stomach, all the way down in between your legs.

You let out a brief moan before turning around to face him and help him pull his t-shirt over his head, exposing his perfectly shaped biceps.

Looking into his eyes, your hand glided gracefully, for once, past Cillian’s belt buckle and into the holy crevice of his Calvin Klein briefs. His cock was hard and ready.

You moved it between my your slowly, relishing his obvious eagerness.

You used the other hand to unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans, shortly after which he pushed them down to the floor while your other hand never left his warm and hard cock.

After the jeans came off, Cillian pressed his lips back onto yours while using his skilled hands to unclip the back of your bra. The bra also landed on the floor within seconds.

‘Lie down’ he whispered into your ear. You obliged and crawled onto the bed, facing him.

He loomed over you, climbing on to the bed as you scooted backwards further so that he could straddle your hips while you pushed up against him, wanting the rub and friction against you.

Cillian kissed you passionately as one of his hands moved in between your legs.

He could feel your body tensing up as he ran his fingers over the top of your panties

After all, he knew that it had been a while since you’ve been with anyone. He knew to take it slow and give you some reassurance.

‘Just relax’ he whispered into your ear with his thick Irish accent as he edged his fingers over the lace of your panties, his hand leisurely rubbing up and down the length of your squirming crotch, until he pulled your underwear aside and slipped two fingers inside of you.

You could feel your mouth widen and a loud moan escaped you as he teased the full mound of your clit. The stroke of his thumb was purposeful and steady on your firm, dripping pulse while his fingers plunged in and out of you, sinking further and further.

You held onto him tightly as the slipperiness he found made it easy for him to penetrate you with his fingers. You were so wet.

You shuddered at the pattern, shocked to find it could still stun you, unlocking newfound levels of moisture and desire, even when you began to meet the repetition of his thrusts. You naturally tilted and buckled beneath him.

As he was pushing his fingers in and out of you, he trailed kisses down your neck while your hands clutched at his shoulders, scratched down his back, held him tighter to you as I screamed into his skin.

Cillian’s breath grew more desperate and rugged.

‘It seems like we should take these off’ he said, causing you to nod with anticipation.

‘Don’t move’ Cillian ordered as he lowered himself on the bed while removing your lace undies.

Within seconds, Cillian’s lips were an inch away from your crotch, where he painted your inner thigh with tiny and soft kisses.

Cillian pushed your legs apart gently and you knew what would be next. You have read about this many times but this was the first time any man had gone down on you before and you were nervously biting your lip.

You tried hard to relax as Cillian’s lips finally reached your entrance, tasting the evidence of how much you wanted him.

‘Oh god, fuck’ you moaned as his head dove between your legs. His tongue prodded you softly, short licks against your clit.

Instantly, all restraint and reservations you had vanished. You were relaxed completely as his tongue danced and writhed inside of you.

With each skillful stroke, your thighs clenched. But you still needed more and he read you just right; he didn’t stop as you pushed yourself up the bed. Instead, he held you steady, causing you to look down at him and watching his eyes widen as they met yours, reacting to the rush of your wetness.

‘Cillian, oh god…you need to stop, I am so close’ you moaned, not wanting it to be over. You never came more than once so you wanted to feel him inside of you first.

‘That’s good, just let go’ Cillian said quietly with a grin before he continued and slid two fingers back inside of you while whirling his tongue over your clit.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, no matter how hard you tried. Your exhales began to emerge as deepening sighs and you leaned my head back and lived out the fantasy that had flashed through your mind all along.

‘Oh god Cillian’ you moaned as your back arched and a rush of ecstasy flew through your body. You grabbed onto Cillian’s hair as he sucked every drip from you as your orgasm flooded your body.

As you came down from your orgasm, Cillian shuffled himself back up the bed, kissing you passionately.

You could taste yourself on his lips and you were ready for more.

‘I want to feel you’ you whispered after your lips drifted apart and while reaching for Cillian’s hard cock.

‘Do you have a condom?’ he asked, causing you to nod. You had purchased some before your Valentine’s Date, just in case you needed them.

You reached for the bedside table and opened the pack of condoms, handing one to Cillian.

Cillian was quick to get rid of his briefs and put on the condom, before positioning himself on top of you, in between your legs.

He shuddered a great rushing gasp of breath as he entered you. He couldn’t believe how good you felt, so tight.

You felt him push into you then, slowly and carefully, filling you completely.

‘Cillian’ you moaned as you held onto him tightly as he slowly began to move.

With every thrust, you gasped, whimpered, soft mewling noises, begging for more.

You felt him all the way to your belly button and screamed out with pleasure, your hands taking the heat as he thrusted fast and deep.

As he picked up his pace, you got louder, groans becoming moans becoming shouts, and the bed frame thumped against the wall, louder and faster and louder and faster.

‘Oh god, don’t stop’ you moaned, his skin slapping against yours.

‘You are so beautiful’ Cillian said in between his moans before pulling out of you slowly and lifting up your legs above his shoulders.

He knew exactly that, this way, he would be reaching your g-spot while he was fucking you.

You were slightly surprised by this position but were flexible enough to run with it.

As he entered you again slowly, you let out a loud moan.

‘Fuck’ you moaned in between the high-pitched noises that escaped you.

‘Does this feel alright?’ Cillian asked, wanting to ensure that you are comfortable.

You nodded eagerly and whimpered a shaky ‘yes’ as he continued to thrust into you. He was right at your g-spot and you could barely control yourself.

He slowly picked up the speed and you could feel another orgasm coming on as the tip of his cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over again.

‘Cillian, oh my god, don’t stop…’ you moaned as you held onto his arms tightly.

You began to shake heavily as your orgasm washed over you and tears of joy escaped your eyes.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian groaned loudly as he felt your walls tightening around him. The sensation coupled with the sounds you were making sent him over the edge and he almost came in sync with you.

As soon as he came, you released your legs from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of you, kissing you passionately.

You could still feel Cillian pulsing inside you when the sudden oddness of what you had done washed over you.

‘Are we ok?’ Cillian asked as he slowly pulled out of you and removed the condom, disposing of it discreetly.

‘I think so’ you said shyly.

‘Good…because I really enjoyed this’ Cillian said as he ran one of his hands over your cheek gently.

‘Me too…plus, I’ve got some inspiration for my book now’ you said cheekily.

‘I am glad to having been of assistance. Make sure you credit me in the end notes’ Cillian said jokingly.

‘Hmm, if I did, it may become a best seller…Sex Scene Inspired by Cillian Murphy’ you said with laughter, causing Cillian to laugh also.

‘I should better get home’ Cillian said as he was playing with your hair. He really didn’t want to leave, but he felt as though it was inappropriate for him to stay the night.

‘You can stay here if you like…’ you offered, but Cillian declined.

After all, this was supposed to be a one off. You are nothing more than friends, or are you?

You accepted Cillian’s decision to leave and weren’t upset by it. You enjoyed your time with Cillian and slept well that night, snugging up in the doona which smelled like his aftershave.

Finishing the Book

The next morning, you got up early to begin writing the intimate chapter of your book. This was the chapter you had struggled with for a while and you finally felt comfortable writing it. If readers would know that, in this particular scene of your book, you were basically reliving your night with your friend, Cillian Murphy, that would be scandalous.

So, you decided to make sure that no one would ever find out about your little adventure.

Unfortunately for you, your grandma seemed to have a good sense of what was going on.

She was on time as usual and dropped Max back at your house at 10am.

‘Had a good night my dear? I can see you are working on your book.’ She said.

‘Yes nan, the play last night was lovely. It has given me some inspiration’ you said.

‘The play has given you some inspiration to write about orgasms?’ your grandmother asked with laughter as she read the screen on your lap top.

‘Nan! Oh my god, don’t read what I am writing’ you said with embarrassment.

‘Oh dear, it’s alright. Believe it or not, I used to write novels myself with a little hint of filth now and then. But, somehow, I don’t think that it was the play that gave you the inspiration to write this little naughty chapter. By looking at the bruises on your neck, perhaps it was your friend Mr Murphy who gave you this inspiration?’ your grandmother said with sarcasm.

‘Nan, no Jesus, please’ you said as your face became flushed.

‘Don’t be embarrassed dear’ your grandmother said. ‘It is good for you. I mean, he is handsome and I saw the way you looked at him yesterday evening…and the way he looked at you’ your grandmother continued.

‘There is nothing between us nan, we are just friends’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Alright dear, whatever you say’ your grandmother said, not believing a single word that came out of your mouth.

‘I better go, I have lunch with Alma later… I love you my dear’ your grandmother said before heading out of the door.

‘Love you too nan’ you said.

WHO WANTS A SECOND PART OF THIS?

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #Cillian Murphy x Reader #Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby x reader #cillian murphy imagine #smut #fanfic

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mydaroga · 2 years

Note

for the beatle asks: 6, 16, 17 :)

Oh hello love! I must admit, I do love seeing you reblog bug stuff and knowing we've got this little connection still!

6. Underrated Beatle moment?

I'm not sure such a thing exists, because I do think they are the most cataloged and observed humans who have ever lived, even now.

16. Least favorite album?

If I may cheat, I want to say it is the one we had growing up. Because while it introduced me to the Beatles, and I sang all those songs along with it, it didn't change my DNA the way I feel it has been changed now. It didn't make me need them. There's so much missing, by necessity obviously, but the main thing is, there's nothing truly... weird there. These are all great songs, but nothing makes me go, "wait, what the fuck?" And ideally, an understanding of the Beatles should contain confusion about how this is the same band.

If I have to go with a record they actually released themselves, today I will say Let It Be, because I just don't have that much interest in most of it and I haven't really gone back to it much.

17. What were your first thoughts about the members?

Oh my gosh. Okay. Like, very first? For the first few decades? I didn't really know what the difference was. Couldn't really tell them apart visually or aurally. Even after I got interested, I had to get my roommate to tell me who was talking when we were watching Anthology and sometimes there would be just voiceover. White boys, you know, all look/sound alike. So it's hard to say what my first thoughts were.

I *was* always aware John Lennon was cool, and I have had a Thing for that NYC photoshoot for as long as I can remember. I vaguely recall Paul McCartney being kind of lame but not because I knew anything about him, just I absorbed it was dumb to like him in the same way it was dumb to like, IDK, what they now call Yacht Rock. (Which I also freaking adore.) I knew Ringo had been on like, Shining Time Station or something? So I think I assumed he was a has-been maybe? And I'm pretty sure I didn't think about George at all except I knew "I've Got My Mind Set On You" was annoying but I'm pretty sure I thought that was Ringo when it came out.

Okay so for another level of that, my first thoughts while paying attention? I.E., Get Back? John is sadder than I thought and way more messed up. Paul is really hot, did anyone know this? And weirdly relatable. Wait what is happening. No seriously who is this Paul person. George is sad and I get it but he needs to speak up. Holy shit his wardrobe. What is this. Ringo seems cool but I hope he's getting what he wants from all this. No seriously though did anyone know Paul is so interesting though.

#this is why I'm literally trying to write a book about latecoming to beatles fandom y'all #my asks #beatles asks

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passionate-reply · 3 years

Video

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This week on Great Albums: a stupendously underrated classic of queer punk meets synth sophistication, and an album without which we wouldn’t have Dare by the Human League: Homosapien, the 1981 solo opus of Buzzcocks frontman Pete Shelley. Find out more by watching the video, or reading the transcript below!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about one of those albums that isn’t necessarily the most acclaimed or best remembered work of its period, but nonetheless played an important role in history, and remains unrivaled for its uniqueness: Pete Shelley’s Homosapien, first released in 1981.

Shelley has historically been chiefly remembered as the frontman of the punk act, Buzzcocks. But, despite punk’s reputation for simplicity to the point of obnoxiousness, Shelley was one of many musicians to come from the punk scene with a penchant for experimental or otherwise ground-breaking music. His very first solo release, 1980’s Sky Yen, features little more than a brash wall of oscillating electronic noise, not unlike the earliest provocations of industrial artists like Cabaret Voltaire.

Music: “Sky Yen (Part One)”

Subsequent generations of critics have gone great lengths to coin and define terminology, in the hopes of breaking this period down into constituent parts, but the more I study it, the more I’m inclined to view it as just a huge soup. There was, quite simply, a lot going on in Britain’s underground in the late 70s and early 80s, and in practice, the lines between punk, post-punk, industrial, synth, noise, and other avant-garde miscellany are frequently illegible. As an artifact of this era, Homosapien resonates with all of the contradictions this melting pot would imply, fusing emotional rawness and pristine production in a way that never quite settles down and feels comfortable.

Music: “I Don’t Know What It Is”

“I Don’t Know What It Is” served as the opening track of the album’s second side, as well as its lead single. With a bona fide guitar solo as well as a propulsive, and truly soaring, chorus, it somewhat resembles that most 1980s of art forms, the power ballad. It is, ostensibly, a love song, and is revealed to be one quickly enough, but its portrayal of love is far from kind. While a real power ballad might take the concept of love for granted, “I Don’t Know What It Is” seems to portray it as something mysterious, inscrutable, and dangerous. And I can’t forget to mention just how much Pete Shelley stands out as a vocalist--his high-pitched, perhaps even fried or shrill vocals add a great deal to the song’s sense of unease, and really sell the idea of someone who’s being overtaken by an uncontrollable and dominating force.

Of course, perhaps the most noteworthy thing about Homosapien’s sound is its fusion of the hard, driving acoustic guitar of punk with the electronic sensibilities of its producer, Martin Rushent. I wouldn’t say this combination is ever terribly cohesive in its sound, but I think that’s why I find this album so interesting: there’s a tension that permeates each track, a feeling that things don’t fit together. While Homosapien is a pioneering work of electronic-centered production, enough of the pieces are still in place that you can certainly hear the shape of music to come as you listen to it. It’s not just the synthesisers, but also the use of electronic percussion here--it’s difficult to overstate the impact that so-called “drum machines” had around this time. While reviled by many, both then and now, rhythm machines were undeniably “instrumental” in changing what popular music sounded like. Even synthesiser-based electronic acts like Gary Numan, OMD, and Kraftwerk often relied on traditional percussion, so this genuinely was pretty shocking at the time.

Perhaps the most important element of the legacy of Homosapien is the fact that Martin Rushent would go on to use the skills he honed here to produce one of the most influential albums of the 1980s, and perhaps of all time: The Human League’s Dare, which would go on to cast an enormous shadow on nearly all popular music to come, after playing an enormous role in instigating an era of popular dominance of synth-pop. In that sense at least, Homosapien is certainly a very historically important album, and for that reason alone, I think it deserves a fair bit more attention than it gets. Still, for as much as the electronics might be the most forward-looking element of this album, one also can’t deny that it remains full of aggressive and perfectly punk overtones, as on the crass or perhaps dismissive screed of “Guess I Must Have Been In Love With Myself.”

Music: “Guess I Must Have Been In Love With Myself”

While Homosapien has many moments of seemingly being too thorny to get a good grip on, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t also times in which it can feel like a bit more than the sum of its apparent parts, as on its most narrative-driven track, “Pusher Man.”

Music: “Pusher Man”

“Pusher Man” is one of, if not the, most synth-centered compositions to be had on Homosapien, but its insistent pacing and neurotic portrayal of the “low life” theme of buying illicit drugs mean you’ll never confuse it for run of the mill synth-pop. Moreso than anything else the album offers, this track reminds me of the sort of “synth-punk” that American acts like the Units and Crash Course In Science would put forward at around the same time. “Pusher Man” was, at the very least, a sufficiently experimental track to earn the honour of being cut from the US release of the album in order to make room for some non-album A-sides, as happened to many albums at the time. But hey, that’s enough beating around the bush. Let’s talk about the real crown jewel of this album.

Music: “Homosapien”

If you’ve heard anything from this album before, chances are, it was probably the title track, which proved to be quite the commercial success--despite being banned by the BBC on account of its homoerotic content. Given that this very same year, they also came after OMD’s “Enola Gay” for its obviously nonexistent reference to homosexuality, one might be forgiven for thinking that a tune called “Homosapien” was simply misinterpreted. The title track isn’t terribly explicit material, but its clever wordplay nonetheless deals quite deftly with issues of sexuality and personal identity. In the earlier verses, Shelley introduces us to typified roles of gay male sexuality--the “cruiser,” the “shy boy”--only to seemingly doff them with the tune’s defiant refrain, asserting that the only truly important identity a human being has is that of “Homosapien.” Far from being an unfortunate coincidence, the similarity of “Homosapien” to “homosexual” is being employed here completely deliberately, particularly with it being mashed into a single word and thus gaining a greater resemblance to the word “homosexual” in print. It not only allows Shelley to belt out a borderline dirty word, but also creates a sort of unconscious syllogism, suggesting, in a sense, that homosexuals are people too.

With elements of both unapologetic pride in one’s own queerness, as well as the uncompromising assertion that humanity is something much deeper than that, the title track of Homosapien is one of the most fascinating and inspiring queer anthems of its time. Its artsy slipperiness has prevented it from feeling more shallow with time, and its straightforward or raw quality, intensified by that constant acoustic guitar, has kept it sounding equally sharp. It genuinely does surprise me that this album isn’t at least a little bit better remembered than it is. Outside of the title track, most of this album is currently not available on services like Spotify and YouTube Music at the time of this writing, and I actually struggled to present musical examples here. That’s really a pretty high level of neglect in this day and age, and I hope it can be rectified in the relatively near future.

It would be no exaggeration for me to say that Homosapien features some of my very favourite cover art of any album. Homosapien’s sleeve design sees Shelley occupy some sort of sleek, but hollow hyper-modernist office. Geometric forms suggest the world of the artificial or ideal. An Egyptian statue beside Shelley is a reminder of history, and the idea that even the greatest empires must eventually fall. Likewise, the telescope and early computer positioned nearer to Shelley are evocative symbols of science and technology--but in context they seem more sinister, being juxtaposed against a phrenology bust, which evokes the ways in which our attempts at science have caused misunderstanding and great human misery in the past. The central scene is framed in with large areas of black, which make the space feel even more claustrophobic and uninviting, and Shelley appears to be pushed into the background, almost belittled by the inanimate objects. Overall, I think it’s sort of funny that this album’s cover is perhaps more iconally “New Wave” than the music itself ended up being, particularly with Shelley clad in this somewhat foppish white suit and bow tie--certainly a big change of attire for a former punk!

Given the experimental nature of the collaboration between Shelley and Rushent, you might be surprised to learn that Homosapien actually wasn’t a one-off. Just two years later, Shelley would release a follow-up LP, XL-1, which was also produced by Rushent and largely continues the same ideas. While Shelley would never see the success of “Homosapien” again, the XL-1 single “Telephone Operator” would also chart to a lesser degree.

Music: “Telephone Operator”

My favourite track on Homosapien is “Qu’est-ce que c’est que ça,” which closes out the first side of the album. If you’re familiar with my other work, you probably already know that I’m coming at this as someone chiefly interested in the electronic side of things, and I think that of everything on this album, “Qu’est-ce que c’est que ça” is the closest to being convincing as a synth-pop tune. With a bubbly, synth-dominant sound and lyrics that are more contemplative than aggressive, it’s much closer to the mould of what I usually listen to for fun than a lot of the other tracks are. That’s everything for today--thanks for listening!

Music: “Qu’est-ce que c’est que ça”

#music #great albums #album review #album reviews #pete shelley #buzzcocks

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1-800-channie · 4 years

Text

Guardian Angel

PAIRING | Angel Chan & Female Reader

GENRE | Cute / Angst / Suggestive

TYPE | Long Fiction

WC | 5000+ Words

SUMMARY | “After suffering more than you could handle, God sends you a heaven made gift. He sent you a Guardian Angel. His name is Christopher Bang Chan and he is the most handsome creature you have ever laid your eyes on. Will you be able to live with him everyday without any kind of second thoughts? Will Chris be able to take care of you without falling for you? Something tells me that it won’t be. But if, the both of you fall in temptation, there is a punishment that will hurt more than death.”

[Part 1] [Part 2]

(100 Days Left)

Not everyone deserves to have someone look after them. Someone ideal who can prepare dinner after a long day of work, or someone who understands how you feel and will support you no matter what. Surely you weren't one of those people.

God always had his eye on you, especially considering you constantly prayed to him in tears, imploring him to support you in some way. You were extremely exhausted from all the crimes that occurred in your life. The cross was excessively heavy for you; your wasted body couldn't take it anymore.

It all happened on a rainy night. You were working on a recent design for a client. Your body felt all worn out from serving all night and day at the restaurant. Your eyes were burning though you couldn’t bring yourself to stop, not when the design was turning out so well.

As you looked out the sliding window, you noticed that it was raining. The chilly raindrops caused an aesthetic feeling that helped you feel inspired. The only light inside your apartment was from the laptop you were currently using. Outside however, the only source of light you saw was the stroke of lightning from the dark sky that alarmed you.

Ever since you were a young girl you had a fear of lightning. However, now that you were an adult, you couldn’t let it distract you no more, you had to continue working. You did your best to ignore the strokes of lightning outside as you continued to distract yourself for a little longer.

As your eyes carefully analysed the finished product, your mind wandered somewhere else. You remembered how you used to live in your hometown with your parents in a humble environment while working on a company of Web Design, something you studied for. The boss loved your hardworking and creative self. Therefore, when he got the chance, he gave you the main seat at the table of the company, in Seoul.

In about a month or so you moved to the massive city of Seoul. It was unusual for you, so many people and so much noise. It was recent, but after some time you became used to the weirdness. You lived in a magnificent apartment, five minutes away from work, which was thankfully paid for by the company.

Everything was going completely fine until the boss invested in the wrong company. When that company went down, the company you were working for also went down, causing your boss to be bankrupted.

That's when your world came crashing down. You lost the apartment you were staying in because it was way too overpriced for you to afford alone, and you didn't even have a place to work. To make things worse, your parents were going through a tough time back in your hometown, and you had sent them the money you had saved, leaving you with just a couple hundred dollars.

You were alone and lost in an enormous city. You had no place to sleep or work. You felt miserable and lost as you cried yourself to sleep for several days, sleeping on some cardboards that the people were throwing away.

You were tired of sleeping on the ground, on the fourth day, you summoned up some unknown energy and went to a public bathroom, where you showered and prepared yourself to find a new job.

You spent all day running around, walking from coffee shop to coffee shop. From one restaurant to another. By seven your body was exhausted. Especially because you didn't eat all day, so you sat down on the road.

Finally the answer to your prayers were heard. An elderly lady saw you miserably sitting down on the dirty ground and helped you walk inside her small restaurant. It smelled of rice cakes and kimchi and you liked it.

The eldery woman’s name was Kim Sohyun and she was eighty years old. But don’t be fooled by her age, she was fast and didn't stop moving. She always found something to do at the restaurant, even when it was as empty as a parking lot at night. Out of genuine kindness, she gave you some food and a place to stay. The apartment you stayed in was from her daughter that left Korea to go abroad and never talked to her mom again.

After that day, you took care of that adorable lady, learned how to cook and even started cleaning for her.

You smiled at the thought of the lady Kim Sohyun. As your mind came back to the present when you read the name of the person that asked you for the design, you got shy. He is a starting rapper by the name of Changbin. He had pretty brown eyes and a cute laugh that made your heart flutter.

When he told you he trusted you with his first album cover design you hugged him tightly, which caught him off guard, but he didn't mind. Not when it came to you. Changbin was around for a while before asking you to work for him. He knew your story, and you knew his.

A sudden loud bang echoed inside your silent apartment shocking you.Then suddenly everything was dark. It took you a while to recognize what happened, but as soon as you noticed that the power went off panic took over your small body.

Your computer is quite old and only works plugged to the electricity. Since the power went off, it means your computer is dead. Tears started to form at the corners of your exhausted eyes... All the work you already had done… Was gone.

The design you had been working on for days was totally gone.

You fell on your knees on the wood floor violently. Your frame curled up in a ball as you sobbed quietly, trying your best not to be too noisy and scare Lady Sohyun that is sleeping.

Now the only sounds audible from the inside were your sobs, and from the outside, the rain that started to calm down.

God, decided to reward you from being loyal and strong and sent someone to save you.

You didn't see it, but it was something so magical and special. There was an angel standing in front of you. His body was muscular and well proportioned, radiating light.

You noticed something was wrong from all the sudden brightness that escaped from between your fingers as you covered your eyes. And just like the curiosity killed the cat, you screamed so loud that you are afraid it woke half of the city.

In front of you, there was an absurd creature. His body was perfectly built, muscles visible on his pale body. His face was so magical that you were afraid that you had died and went to paradise. Golden hair, gloomy eyes, plump crimson lips, and a prominent nose. His frame was only covered by a thin cover that went from his shoulder to his waist, secured by a charming gold belt. His feet bare.

“What-what are you doing here?” You question getting off the wooden floor and taking a few steps back, startled.

“I'm your guardian angel, YN.” The creature explains, his voice low and noble. “Don’t be afraid…I'm here to take care of you.”

You stare at him with burning cheeks and uncertain eyes. Curiosity consuming you alive. You walk towards him slowly. He was so pure and bright, almost unreal. Something heaven-made.

“Can I touch you?” You ask innocently, just to make sure he is real.

“Go ahead, YN-ah.” The angels respond with a genuine smile.

Your fingertips were trembling as you caressed his cheek. The angel flinched because of your cold fingertips, scaring you for a few moments. His skin was silky and he felt genuine. His hair was also soft, but a bit dry and he smelled like nature. The scent was so different that you couldn't explain it. It prompted you with comfort.

“Oh my…” You confessed impressively. “I don’t have money to buy you food, and I don't have a place for you to sleep in… I'm sorry. I think you should go back to… hm… Heaven?” You say, confused. The beautiful angel laughs.

“YN, I don’t need to eat or sleep. I'm here to be your company, help you when you need it, take care of you.” Your mouth opens in a ‘O’ shape and you nod your head. Deep inside, you were still confused and uncertain.

“Hmmm, I think I'm going to sleep now. Could you, hm, not look at me? While I try to fall asleep?” Your cheeks were reddening again. The angel looks at you with love and accepts.

You lay down on your bed and cover your body, hiding completely. Your brain quickly tried to be reasonable and tells you that this was just a dream. Maybe you hit your head and passed out. Too scared to know the truth, you didn’t get out of the covers. As time slowly passed, you silently fell asleep.

It's cute how the next morning you wake up with your blankets almost falling off the bed and an amazing smell of eggs, toasts, and pancakes.

That's odd. Miss. Kim Sohyun never prepared your breakfast before.The weirdest thing was she didn't have these kind of ingredients. As you walked to the small kitchen, yawning and gently rubbing your sleepy eyes, there was a bare back facing you. You screamed, startled.

“Oh, good morning Y/N, did you sleep well?” The man asked, placing a glass of orange juice on the table.

“I thought it was all a dream…” You said to yourself, facing the floor, twisting your hair in annoyance.

“It’s not. I’m here to take care of you…” You stared at him, seriously. That was the first time he made your heart flutter.

After ten awkward minutes of him washing the dishes that were on the sink from yesterday, curiosity took the best of you:

“What's your name, Angel?” You asked, admiring his sturdy back. He laughed silently, then he jerked his head towards you.

“Oh right, how impolite. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Christopher Bang Chan. I’m a mixture of Korean and Australian. I was moving to Korea when the plane I was in had a problem and crashed. I died there, I was twenty years old. This is why I still look like this and not older.” The last part, he narrated to you while facing the plates he was washing, avoiding your gaze.

“I'm so sorry…” You said in a low voice.

"It 's ok love. Everything happens for a reason…” Christopher says with a tender smile. “Now” He started talking again, finishing up with the plates. “You go to take a shower, and then get ready to work, I’ll clean the kitchen.” You looked at him surprised but did as he said.

“Wait, what will you do all day?” You asked, interested.

“I'll clean your house, try to fix your computer and then pray. Don’t worry about me, ok?” You nodded again, trying to be obedient.

( 90 Days Left)

As time went by you bought him some ‘human’ clothes, so he looked ordinary and you could walk around with him by your side. Chris, as you like to call him, looked handsome on the outfits you carefully pick him.

The truth was that his presence was now normal to you. Every time you opened your door, you greet the charming Angel, that's usually in the modern kitchen, cooking you dinner. Usually, after dinner, you washed the dishes while you obligated him to sit down and rest for a bit.

( 80 Days Left)

After a tedious day of work, you ate a delicious dinner and went straight to the bathroom to take a warm shower. When you were done, you sat comfortably on your downy bed while Chris brushed your hair. Usually while he did it, you informed him about your day, and today was no different. As his bony fingers grazed over your scalp trying not to willingly hurt when he was brushing harder, you eagerly told him about Changbin.

“He may seem to be a bit mean at first. He always wears black clothes… his makeup is always perfectly made. I'm jealous sometimes. His voice is nice because he can make it deep and serious or high pitched and girly to piss me off.” You giggled while remembering Binnie’s jokes from that today.

“That man seems important to you…” Chris stated with a gentle smile, even though something sparkled inside him. Could he be jealous of that man for being so close to you?

“Hmmmm, not as important as you.” You say positively and then turn your body so you could confront the timid boy sitting in the middle of your bed.

Chris looked at the white blanket that was resting on his legs as he played with his fingers. Did you just say that? Is he that important to you? The Angel was biting his bottom lip nervously. His heart was racing like crazy and you could almost hear it calling your name.

You moved closer to him, enough so when you extended your arm, your soft hand would cup his cheek. Chan immediately stared at you, trying to understand what were you going to do next.

A voice in your head woke you up and made you pull your hand away, suddenly feeling shy. Maybe Chris can’t feel love for someone, maybe not the same way humans do. And you were afraid of scaring him. An uncomfortable silence involves the both of you and you sign, closing your eyes and trying to calm down the urge to cry.

The truth is he makes you feel some type of way. His eyes seem to light up and turn brighter every time he sees you. Chris would carefully listen to all your complaining or sad words. His lips would turn to an adorable pout when you were bossing him around. His hugs were warm and safe, and you felt protected on them. His laugh was so innocent and contagious and also mentioning he has such a pure heart, filled with love only. The angel made you feel special and loved… You were getting attached to it.

You didn't want to admit it to him or yourself. Maybe you were starting to feel something for him. It was wrong. You and he could never be together, because he was your guardian angel, not your lover.

“I think… I'll go to sleep.” You said after being lost on your melancolic thoughts for too long.

“Oh, hm, ok… But you seem sad. What's wrong?” Chan politely questioned while getting off the comfy bed so you could lay down. Your hands felt unsteady, your stomach was aching in an unusual way.

“Nothing you can fix.” You coldly explained, intentionally trying to push him away. You needed some time alone.

“Oh… Ok. I'll be praying in the kitchen if you require me.” Chris winks at you. “Good Night, Love.” You bite your lip to stop the tears from slipping out. That damn nickname.

You tried to sleep. You did, but your heart was beating too fast and you couldn't stop thinking about his lips. Chris's lips were so plump and inviting, they seemed so soft and plush, so kissable…

Chan peaked at you, and noticed how restless you were, he approached you:

“Y/N, let me try to help you. Please, you don’t need to talk about it. I'll just be there for you.” The Angel insists, sitting by your side on your bed.

“Ok ok… I only accept because it's hard for me to sleep, and I have work tomorrow.” You finally gave in. Chan felt grateful, this was something he wanted for a while and was too shy to ask you.

You lay down on the bed again, closing your eyes and snuggling inside the warm covers. Chris was shy, but it was worth it. Chan lays down on the bed, under the covers and gets closer to you. Uncertain. His arm rested on your waist as he pushed you a little further against his chest.

Chan wanted to cuddle you. You smiled as an adorable blush painted your cheeks. He was warmer than the heavy covers, his embrace so safe and comfortable that you never wanted him to leave.

The Angel was feeling the same, shy but happy. Your body felt so tiny between his protective arms. He desperately wished to hold you forever because, somehow, you felt like home. Chan was scared, afraid of how he was starting to feel for the charming girl he had to look after. He loves to admire the way your smile gets wider when he makes a joke; how you get mad at him when he does everything at home alone and how pretty you look without even trying.

What if he fell for you?

( 70 Days Left)

“Chris come here…” You whined in the bathroom, your bandana was stuck in your hair and if you tried to pull it, it would most likely rip all your hair off.

The tall man came inside the bathroom in a rush, worried that something may have happened to you.

“What’s wrong, Love?” His melodious voice asked, admiring your grumpy face that reflected on the small, old mirror.

“My hair is tangled, and it hurts if I pull it. Please, help me.” You begged with puppy eyes, noticing how he changed from worried to relaxed in seconds.

The Angel walked behind you, and his slender fingers started to work on your messy hair. You could feel the warmth his body was radiating from behind you. His smell changed, because he was now using your body wash and shampoo. The smell of vanilla was amazing, you liked it in your skin, but when it came to him… It was special.

Chris was shaking, his fingers were uncertain and trembling. His breathing was uneasy and his legs felt like jelly. He could notice easily how you were biting your bottom lip, a cute pink blush on your cheeks and every time his fingers brushed against your sensitive neck, a long breath would leave your sensual lips.

The atmosphere inside the bathroom was starting to heat up, both of you not being able to control their body language and it was obvious. So obvious that both of you were crazy in love with each other.

“Done…” He said, his voice loud but shaky. Chris immediately called himself stupid for showing you that he is feeling flustered, but you just give him a soft smile and turned around, taking your bandana out of his hands and getting out of the bathroom in a rush, trying to calm yourself down.

You walked close to your window and opened it, feeling the cold breeze hitting your face and calming your heated body. Your heart was beating fastly and you were too timid to look Chris in the eyes.

The way he made you feel is not possible, you can’t feel like that. Though his eyes were so pretty, his lips were so inviting and his heart was pure gold… How could you stop yourself from feeling that way? A sudden call for your name made you come back to reality.

You walked to the front door and opened it. The kind woman that gave you a shelter was there, with a light mad expression:

“My oven is a mess, Hun, i didn't want to bother you on a Sunday but i need help with it.” She explained shaking her head in disappointment. “Could you please get downstairs and clean it?” She asked, her voice hopeful.

“Yes, i can do it. Give me just five minutes and i'll be there.” You smiled politely, she took your hands in hers and smiled, secretly, she was very grateful for you.

You got back inside the small place and called for Chris. He showed up with red eyes, like he was crying but he simply smiled at you, while making you sign with his hand for you to go help Miss Sohyun.

You did so, your heart beating fast once again, but this time because you know, something was up with the angel and you know he will never tell you what's wrong.

( 60 Days Left)

Some days passed by and you and Chris slept in the same bed together every day. Even him, that affirmed he didn't need to sleep, would get lost in your warmth and fall asleep. Cute little snores invading the bedroom and you couldn't stop giggling, from how precious he looked.

As your eyes scanned your window you noticed that outside was dark, despite being 9 am, it was raining. The heavy raindrops were hitting your window in the most deliciously, making you feel lazy. You looked back at Chris one last time and got off the bed, ready to prepare him a surprise for the first time.

At the kitchen you heated some milk and prepared some toasts that you filled with Nutella. You also picked up some grapes, just how you know he liked it. After a couple of minutes, everything was prepared on the table. There was: a candle with no smell lighted; some white napkins; the amazing toasts with Nutella; the grapes were washed and fresh; and the chocolate was already on the milk, turning out to warm chocolate what you know he will love.

You walked back to your bedroom to find him sleeping on his back, his face turned to the left as his hands rested inside his t-shirt, making it rise and show his toned chest. Immediately you blushed but weren't able to take your eyes out of him. You blamed the covers because they were all messy at the bottom of the bed.

“Chris~” You whispered, sitting next to his body on the bed. The angel just shifted a little in his sleep and reached out for you, pulling you by your waist to lay next to him.

You were biting your lip to stop the gasp that almost escaped your lips from the sudden action. The next thing he did was cling to you, one of his legs rested on top of yours and his head moved to rest on your collar bones, giving you access to his scalp easily.

Christopher was adorable, and you couldn't deny it, especially because he was making you feel things, things you couldn't explain. Your fingers started to massage his scalp and that woke him up.

“Keep doing that…” His lips escaped, but it sounded more like a moan. You continued it for a while, feeling him get relaxed under your touch. Softly you felt his fingers make subtle touches on your stomach, making goosebumps take over your body.

“Smells so nice… Did you prepare something?” He asked getting off of you. You pouted, feeling cold without his body there to warm you.

“Oh, yes. I made breakfast! I was almost forgetting about it!” You are the first to get out of the bed, and then grab gently his hand and pull him to the kitchen.

“Woah.” He gasped. “You didn't have to. You know i don't need to eat…” Chris reminded you, laughing awkwardly.

“Oh…” You said embarrassed. “I forgot it…” You looked at the floor, your anxiety eating you alive.

Chris walked silently towards you and, with his slender fingers, pushed your chin up. Causing you face him. Your eyes found his almost immediately and you found yourself blushing because of that simple action. In his mind, he would take you right there, kiss your lips and get rid of this stupid feeling consuming him every time he was close to you.

“What you did was sweet and i appreciate it, Love.” He whispered. “I will eat some because you made them with so much care, ok?” You nodded, too embarrassed to say anything.

Chris always does this, makes you hope he would finally make a move and then, he leaves you hanging.

( 50 Days Left)

It all started as a good day, the sun was shining brightly outside, besides the cold wind that made your hair a mess. Chris passed out next to you when you woke up, one of his legs still tangled with yours and his nose was close to your ear, making you hear his not-so-cute snores.

You decided to get up without bothering him, you ate something that was in your fridge and wrote him a small letter telling him not to prepare lunch because you weren't going to eat at home.

At work, Changbin was talking to you, and distracting you so much that you didn't notice the new couple that got inside the restaurant. Due to that they got mad for taking so long to take their order.

Of course, the old lady you work for was mad at you, and as a punishment prohibited Bin from coming to the restaurant for one week. You apologized with teary eyes, the guilt swallowing you alive. You stayed the rest of the day hidden inside the kitchen, as the old lady worked as a waitress today.

A cup accidentally slipped from your hand and broke into million pieces as it hit the floor.

She was mad at you again, telling you that she doesn't know what's up with you today, and she couldn't understand why you were so slow today. When she decided it was time to close the restaurant, you noticed it was raining outside.

Since you live just across the street you didn't mind it, but a car passed in front of you when you were sprinting home, making the water on the road hit you and go everywhere making you soaked.

The tears in your eyes were held back by your angriness, but as soon as you saw Chris' angelic face you broke down in tears on the spot. You fell on your knees while hiding your face between your hands.

“What's wrong, my love?” The Angel asked concerned, but you were too busy sobbing to answer him. “You’re soaked, what happened?”

This time you took a glance at him, red and puffy eyes.

“It was a car. As I was waiting to cross the street he passed on the splash on the street and soaked me from head to toe.”

Chris giggled little from your choice of yours but tried to hide his smile so you wouldn't feel bad.

“Come on, let's take a hot bath to make you feel better, alright?” You nodded, tiredly getting off of your knees and walking to your cold bathroom.

Chris started to take care of the water, letting it fill the bathtub as you stripped of your wet clothes.

“When you are done washing your body tell me because I'll be there to wash your hair and give you a light massage on the scalp and shoulders… ok-” He interrupted himself because on his way out of the bathroom he caught you only in your underwear. A blush decorated your face as his curious eyes stared at you shamelessly.

“Could you… hmm… stop… staring?” You awkwardly asked, trying to cover yourself.

“I'm sorry, you are beautiful. I couldn't contain myself.” He apologized, then shifted his gaze to his hands, too nervous to face you.

When he finally closed the door behind him you relieved a long sign. You got rid of your underwear quickly, and dived inside the warm water. As the sound of the rain outside reflected inside your small bathroom, you cried.

Your body was overwhelmed with so many emotions that you could not explain. Chris noticed your almost inaudible sobs and waited patiently until you calmed done to knock on the wooden door:

“May i come in? To wash your hair for you?” He asked in a low voice.

“Yes, you may.” You answered some minutes after, trying to calm your heartbeat down.

He was going to be washing your hair, as you stayed naked underwater. Chris gets inside without making any noise and knees down on the floor, in front of the bathtub as you let your back hit the board and force your head back, so he could have access to it.

The angel’s hands were magical and we're making you feel much better. The way he patiently washed your hair almost made you fall asleep on the spot. After your hair was clean, you strained your back and waited for him to pour water on you, so the shampoo would get off.

Chris was feeling something inside him he didn't know he could. He wanted to touch you, feel every inch of you under his fingertips. He wanted to kiss you passionately as his hands roamed over your beautiful body.

He was only facing your back, but he felt his body heat up and something getting weirdly hard on his pants. He had to ignore it? But the moan you left as soon as his fingers came in contact with your scalp once again made him call your name:

“Y/N, please. I can't take it anymore…” You turned off the water and turned around, not caring about him being able to see your chest, that had some shampoo on them.

“Chris, i can't do this either…” You whispered, staring at him in the eyes.

Even though his body was screaming for him to look at your nude chest, he kept eye contact with you as he got closer to you. It was now or never, the perfect moment to kiss you.

Christopher’s lips were softer than you thought, and you wanted to bite them. His heart-shaped lips molded perfectly with yours and complimented them.

They were pressed up against yours on a long peck that made you frustrated. So, tired of it, you grabbed his face between your small hands and forced him stronger against your mouth. Chan seemed to get the message, and his tongue came in contact with your bottom lip, trying to deepen the kiss.

When you finally felt his tongue against yours you moaned shamelessly, to lost in the feeling to care. He felt perfect for you, he felt like he was made for you… Why did you hold back, when you could have been kissing these lovely lips every day, all day?!

Your lips parted because of the absence of oxygen, and the smile that was displayed on his lips made your heart flutter. Something inside you yelled that he may feel the same for you, from more crazy that it seems.

“I'll wait for you in the kitchen, ok Love?” The Angel suddenly asked, getting up. He was trying his hardest to avoid your chest, but it was stronger than him. Chan got a glimpse of them as he closed the door, but it was enough to make the situation even harder for him.

What both of you didn't know is that what is given, can be taken back as well. Since the both of you committed a sin, The Gifter couldn't be more sure that he had to make the angel stay away from you as soon as possible.

A/N: Hello beautiful Stars! I know it's been a while, but I am back. Since I'm starting all over again, I decided to make a special first post. This fic was resting in my drafts all year, unfinished.

I finally finished it and I'm very happy for finally posting it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved to write it.

Before I go, I need to give a special thanks to @xiaojunssmile for helping me revising my work. I appreciate you a lot, you are the best. I love you ❤

Rebloggs, likes and comments are always appreciate it. Thank you.

Happy 2021. I hope your new year comes with Heath and lots of love ❤✨

#stray kids #kpop #bang chan #chan #stray kids chan #chris bang #stray kids bang chan #bang chan smut #leader chan #skz chan

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a-little-slice-of-fandom · 4 years

Note

A) hi how ya doing? B) I miss you C) can you analyze anything of Aragon? Thank you :)

Hey anon! I’m doing good ❤️❤️❤️ thanks so much for asking! I hope you’re doing well too!

Aragon is really interesting to me, because her song is kind of like the bohemian rhapsody of six. Very few people will say that it’s their favourite, but everyone will instantly sing along because it’s so catchy! Plus, it’s a great song to follow ex-wives with. It keeps the energy up and introduces the audience to the plot of the show.

I will say this until the day I die: while I would love if more songs were as scathing as say AYWD...you could never start with those songs. It’s too much too quickly. You need the more catchy, light-hearted songs of Ex-Wives, No Way and DLUH to start with because it helps get the audience invested in the show and the plot as a whole. Six, first and foremost, will always need to work dramatically. That’s why the old, more openly bitter No Way was changed to something a little more light-hearted.

The first thing that always comes to mind when I think of Aragon is regal. She’s the queen who was married to Henry for 24 years and was a Spanish princess as well. She’s the refined, confident queen who knows her own worth and honestly? I get the vibe she just wants a little bit of respect from the other queens. While some people characterise Aragon as rather cold, I honestly don’t get that? The show portrays Aragon as a very loyal person despite all that Henry put her through, and she clearly cares for Mary and also, to a lesser extent, Parr as her god daughter (remember she calls Howard “the least relevant Katherine”...meaning she does see Parr as relevant.) and she often refers to other queens as “babe” even though she was just arguing with them five seconds earlier (harking on the idea of forgiveness, something I think Aragon is very good at in the show!). Plus, while there’s only one line referring to Mary, Aragon is always so protective of her and warm to her. In the album, Renee’s “aw, hi baby!” is the most adorable and heartwarming part of the song and it’s clear she adores her daughter, while the “oh, you don’t remember?” in the live versions is so protective of her baby. It’s honestly something we don’t discuss enough. Moreover, Aragon’s song is one of the most energetic, but she has her earnest moment of pleading as well, along with her undisputable strength of refusing to back down and accept Henry’s lies. She is also incredibly passionate when talking about something she loves or defending herself when she has to (which make sense! This was the woman who rode with an army wearing armour while pregnant. Aragon was not to be messed with!).

I personally disagree with people who try and claim that Toby and Lucy wrote Aragon as the “angry” queen because she never truly gets to the levels of boleyn or seymour (yes there’s the miscarriage argument where she does raise her voice but like...are we ignoring Seymour’s “boohoo Mary had the chickenpox” or the fact that Boleyn is also shouting in that argument??? And she usually goes louder than Aragon???) and yet she’s so often defined by that trait even though other queens share it and are even more extreme. And yes, Im fully aware of why certain people characterise aragon in this way and I’m so annoyed that even though we continually call out the fact that’s it’s problematic, it continues to happen. However Aragon does have flaws like every good character should. Aragon just won’t try and listen to the other queens. She refuses to accept that Boleyn or Seymour might have had a worse time than her. Now I personally never got the feeling that Aragon blames the other queens for anything. Her feelings are directed at Henry. Notice in now way she talks about how henry is “running around with some pretty young thing” and she refers to him having “one son with someone who don’t own a wedding ring”. Those people? They’re clearly supposed to be Boleyn and Bessie, two people who are actually on stage at the time. But Aragon doesn’t take an easy shot at either of them in her song. She doesn’t say their name or call them out or try and involve them in her song. Contrast this with DLUH where Boleyn grabs Aragon, forces her to be front and centre in this verse and then insults her constantly (“three in the bed” = airing Aragon’s and Henry’s ✨ intimate issues ✨ with the entire world while “Don’t be bitter, cause I’m fitter” and “he doesn’t want to bang you, somebody hang you” are both pretty self explanatory). I think it’s absolutely key that Aragon doesn’t blame Boleyn or Bessie or direct any misplaced feelings towards them in no way or the show. Her (very justified) feelings of anger and betrayal are (generally) directed at Henry. And that’s something so many people ignore! And I personally wish more people would be like Aragon in this regard in the real world. I don’t know if other people agree with me, but it’s your boyfriends/husbands job to not cheat on you, not someone else’s. I do know some people think that Aragon is slighting Boleyn and Bessie in that verse but if we’re sticking to tudor ideals, Aragon not mentioning them by name (in essence keeping their “dignity” and “honour” intact) would be the kinder thing to to. (Note I’m only saying this with Tudor ideals in mind. I also think Aragon fully knows that Bessie was 13 when Henry started making advances on her and again, refuses to blame Bessie for what happened because she knows she’s a victim).

However...Aragon doesn’t ever try and listen to other queens and will insult them if she has to. She (along with the other queens like Boleyn and Seymour) gets more and more defensive and petty as the show continues. However, she never gets to the same levels of hard hitting insults has say Boleyn. But I mean...Aragon was a queen who went through so much in her lifetime and never was able to really talk about it. Yes, she resisted Henry trying to get their marriage annulled, and she was one of the strongest women at the time, but she couldn’t deal with her emotions the same way that we can today. She never got to told Boleyn to go away or leave her alone. She never got to bad mouth Henry because he was the king. She was, first and foremost, a lady, and she was expected to act in a certain way all of her life. And now that she’s reincarnated in modern days, she doesn’t have to do all of those things. She can be annoyed and let it show, she can tell Boleyn all those things she wanted to do back in the day. Some actresses even lean into the idea that it’s sort of cathartic for Aragon to FINALLY just say what she wants to say without having to worry on how it would reflect on her as queen. Mind you, I still think that Aragon considers how her words would reflect on her (much more than any other queen) but she definitely has more wiggle room within the show than she did during her reign.

In addition, while the fandom also like to reduce Aragon to obsessed with her religion, I actually really like how her relationship with Catholicism is portrayed in the show. While I do concede that Aragon’s faith is sometimes reduced to the butt of the joke, that’s not always the case and I personally really enjoy how Aragon seems to gain a lot of strength from her religion, instead of it holding her back or hindering her. While I do understand why so many characters in media struggle with their religion or find it suffocating (my relationship with Catholicism is...fragile at the best of times), but I genuinely love this idea that Aragon’s faith is what guides her and gives her inner strength in times of need. I mean,,,when she’s pleading to Henry during now way, the music slows to something that sounds more like a gospel song, Aragon is kneeling with her hands clasped and there's bright white light around her (i also vaguely remember something that looks like a crucifix behind her as well? But I'm not 100 percent sure on that). At the time where Aragon is most vulnerable and needs to find inner strength and wants guidance...she turns to her religion and that's seen as a very positive thing!!! The same with Aragon's verse in Sox. Moving to a nunnery and finding friends there is something that's now postive and liberating instead of being stuffy and boring and restrictive like nunnery are often portrayed as in media. (yes I know that's also a play on Henry wanting to send Aragon into the nunnery after their divorce but I do think that there’s no malicious religion-basing in Six is a nice touch that’s often overlooked).

Finally, Aragon’s costume is quite important to her character. It is one of the more feminine outlines (especially the updated version on broadway) and I do think it’s an inadvertent issue that the queens with the more stereotypical feminine costumes are more catty whereas the more stereotypical androgynous or masculine outfits (aka Parr and Cleves) are often the voices of reason, but I don’t think that’s intentional or is intended to comment on anything. It’s just a coincidence. However, the gold of Aragon’s outfit obviously symbolises her love, courage and passion, along with indicating her status as a noble. While yes the rest of the queens were all noble in some way before they married Henry, Aragon was a Spanish princess and the daughter of two incredibly powerful monarchs. She was probably the highest standing out of any of the queens, and her costume reflects that. I also think that her wearing gold to flaunt her status could be her trying to make up for the years between her marriages to Arthur and Henry (where she didn’t have many provisions made for her as far as I know) and also the last few years of her life. (I’ve seen differing reports on how Aragon was provided for after Henry divorced her, with her claiming that she was living in poverty while others state she got 3000 pounds. If anyone has any confirmation then let me know). Either way, her wanting to flaunt her status after her reincarnation by wearing lots of bright gold makes total sense. I’ve also seen a few people say that the bust on Aragon’s costume is the most historically accurate but I can’t confirm that, although if it is then that’s a really nice touch.

Well this took ages, but it was fun to finally get to analyse stuff again AND do it on a queen who doesn’t get discussed very much!!! Aragon often gets reduced to “catholic” or “angry” within this fandom, even though she is just as complex as any other character within the show but she just expresses things in very different ways. And that’s okay! This whole show is about how women (and NB folk!) are different and do have different experiences and do express things differently and have different personalities and that’s okay! We should celebrate our differences.

#six the musical #six #sixthemusical #ask #anon ask #anonymous #anonymous ask #anon #ask answered #enya discusses: six

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radramblog · 4 years

Text

And you don’t seem to understand

A shame, you seemed an honest man.

Duvet, by bôa (the British band, not BoA, the Korean pop artist) was my song of the year in 2020. According to Spotify, at least.

Most people who have heard Duvet know it as the opening to the cult classic anime Serial Experiments Lain. Like many things about Lain, the opening is iconic, matching Duvet’s acoustic meandering and haunting vocals with the mysterious and a e s t h e t i c visuals to create something unique that looks nothing like most anime openings these days. The average anime opening is energetic, introduces all the characters, has shenanigans and funny animation, and Lain is out here just giving nothing away. She’s on the TV and then walking down the street and then time stops and huh????

As a show, Lain is esoteric and confusing and doesn’t answer nearly as many questions as it sets up but manages to maintain interest through these mysteries somehow, through a combination of a slow build and sheer fuckery. Lain herself being a surprisingly endearing protagonist helps a lot; as a fish out of water with the computer systems the series centres around, her curiosity helps drive much of the early developments and worldbuilding. While the largest mysteries about the show surround her personally, by the time the audience is exposed to them they are likely comfortable enough with her to feel as unsettled by the implications as is intended. As comfortable as anything in the show could be, anyway- the show’s limited budget was used masterfully to create a stark, harsh atmosphere, with scenes where you’d expect that one anime cicada loop instead carrying the drone of power lines, and backgrounds painted alternately with sheer white and an excess of shadow, making the city feel as unnatural as the events taking place in it.

The show is also incredibly predictive about the nature of the internet and what online culture would look like for an anime released in the late 90s- the themes of online cliquing and personae are more relevant than ever in an age of social media and its role in modern politics.

Serial Experiments Lain happens to be available for free on funimation’s website in some countries (and Youtube where it isn’t), so there’s no excuse not to watch it! Unless its not your thing, which I could understand. Frustratingly, the Youtube version doesn’t appear to have the opening or ending attached, let alone the little bit before the opening (haha look it up its so great), so I wasn’t exposed to Duvet for much longer than I would have liked in retrospect. Because this song and album fuck so hard.

I suppose part of having a less than ideal budget meant using a song from an obscure alternative band than commissioning a new one for the opening, but I’m certainly not complaining about the result. Following the anime’s release, the album Duvet was sourced from, The Race of a Thousand Camels, would end up being reorganised and rereleased internationally as Twilight with a few bonus tracks on the end (I’m still hunting down a CD of either of them, but they had a pretty low run and such are hard as hell to get).

I’m not sure what the best comparison would be to get an idea of what Twilight sounds like- spotify’s recommended artists appear largely to be other composers associated with anime soundtracks (as well as the artist behind the VA-11 Hall-A soundtrack, you go mate) so that hasn’t been much help. If I’m honest, its not too out of the ordinary- while a very very solid album, I don’t think it strays too far from what would be considered late 90s British alt-rock, which makes sense considering that’s where they originate from. The Cranberries but less folky and less Irish? I dunno.

Particular songs on the list do resonate more with me than others. Perhaps it is a little presumptuous to say that Fool is relatable, as my experience does not quite line up to that of the lyrics, but there are connections I can draw there so it works pretty well on me. Bonus tracks Drinking and Little Miss both do it for me (wow, really?) with Little Miss’s unexpected aggression and emotion underlying the abusiveness of the second person protagonist of the lyrics and that little unexpected breakdown at the end reminds me of some of my other favourite tunes (Twelve Foot Ninja, of all bands, comes to mind). Drinking, on the other hand, mirrors Little Miss as an acoustic closer that could be from the titular woman’s perspective, mirroring the lyrical relationship between the two. It’s a great way to finish an album with as much emotion as Twilight does, and considering the latter half of The Race of a Thousand Camels was its weaker one, a good addition to the record overall.

I don’t really have much more to add, other than go consume these underrated pieces of media. It’s free content mother fucker (edit: was listening to the Lain soundtrack while writing this and its fuckin wiiild. Theme of Lain? Hella. Theme of a Hilly Road? Is that a didge mate?)

#ramble #anime #music #serial experiments lain #boa #is the title pretentious? yes #my blog my rules

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disaster-bay-leaf · 3 years

Note

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

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let-me-write-shit · 4 years

Text

Like We Used To: 15

A/N: I posted chapter fourteen at 2 AM, so make sure you read that one first!

Please let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the next (or any) upcoming chapters! I might be able to try and find a way to include it. :) Enjoy!

[CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS CHAPTERS]

-------------------------------------------

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The sun wasn’t even up yet by the time Harry and Elizabeth had woken up. Mitch and Sarah wound up staying until a bit past midnight, so the two of them only got maybe five hours of sleep that night before having to get ready and meet everyone else at the news station. Harry reassured her that she would blend right in because of the amount of people that came with him, which did settle her a bit, but as soon as they got to the venue Harry’s publicist had pulled him to the side.

Apparently the man they saw taking pictures of Harry’s car after dinner last night had also managed to grab a picture of when Harry grabbed her hand, leading her to the car. It started spreading around news outlets overnight and his fans started to notice that she was the same girl in the background of the pictures of Harry going to the club on Sunday. Now there was speculation of a ‘new girlfriend’. Although this first arrangement was just a performance on the news to promote a show next month, they would be heading directly to a broadcasted radio station afterwards for an interview. He was warned that they might ask about it. She suddenly felt a bit foolish for wearing a white lace bra poking through her semi sheer white half buttoned shirt tucking into her ripped high-waisted mom jeans.

“I’m so sorry,” Elizabeth whispered when he came back, “We shouldn’t have gone out to dinner last night.”

“It’s fine, I just don’t want this to scare you off. I can handle it.”

Harry joined the rest of his bandmates to rehearse while Elizabeth joined Lisa and Jeffrey off to the side. They had comforted her in reminding her that it wasn’t the first time he was pictured with a girl that caused dating rumors, but then the thought of him having been with international models sunk in and she started to feel silly that she was even remotely involved with Harry in the first place.

She watched at the side of the stage, out of view from his fans, as Harry and his backing band performed ‘Cherry’. She hadn’t seen him perform since they were kids. Of course she saw some of his performances online in passing, but she tried her best to avoid it as much as she could. Elizabeth found herself feeling extremely proud of how far he’s come and in awe of how great they all sounded together.

As soon as he finished singing and the cheers from the fans had died down, a news anchor made her way over towards him to congratulate him on the success of his album. She reiterated his Halloween performance next month before wishing him good luck and cutting the camera. He had managed to give final thanks and goodbyes and within an hour they were ready to go.

Since there were no performances at the next interview, his bandmates were able to head off and enjoy the rest of the day off until tomorrow. Elizabeth had traded phone numbers with Mitch and Sarah in case she wanted to meet up with them later and joined Harry, Jeffrey, Kenneth, and Lisa to the radio station. Harry had gone through the office introducing himself and his manager before vaguely introducing the rest of them. They didn’t really pay her, Lisa, or Kenneth any mind, which actually made her feel a bit better. Maybe they didn’t really know who she was.

Even though the interview was for a radio station, it was still being video broadcasted live to their website, so Harry was prepped in the studio while the rest of them sat off to the side out of frame of the camera’s. Elizabeth sunk in the back between Kenneth and Lisa so she wouldn’t get noticed and looked between Harry in the studio, and a television above them that displayed what their website video would look like.

Harry was given some headphones to wear and when commercial break was over they introduced Harry. The first few minutes went pretty smoothly. There was a good amount of banter in between questions like if he had been working on any new album or songs, which he admitted that he was in the works on making new songs. Most of the questions were pertaining to his current album and the concert coming up before it started getting a bit personal.

“Now it’s been discussed that this album is, essentially, a break up album, correct?” The broadcaster said, “I mean, I know that there are a few songs that are influenced by the start of a relationship and the fun that comes along with that, but for instance, Cherry. You include a voicemail from your ex at the end. How was that song to write? Was it a bit emotional to get it out, or was it just a relief to get it off your chest?”

Elizabeth’s stomach twisted a bit hearing Harry talk about past relationships, especially songs written about them. Obviously it was his job, but it almost felt like she was intruding on a part of his life that she wasn’t supposed to know about for some reason. She supposed this was better than actually having to interact with one of his exes like he had to do last weekend.

The interview continued to get more personal and her heart started racing, knowing where this was about to go as the radio host said, “So we have to ask, are you currently seeing anyone?”

Harry did his lopsided grin and Elizabeth could tell that he was starting to get a bit embarrassed as he said, “Euhh...I’m just having fun at the moment, really.”

“So no girlfriends?”

“No girlfriends, no,” Harry shook his head.

“Because I have to bring it up, the listeners will kill me if I don’t,” he laughed, “I can already see the hundreds of angry emails coming in. You were spotted last night holding hands with a beautiful woman, leaving a Chinese restaurant in LA...” the picture of the two of them last night popped up.

Harry nodded, only vaguely saying, “Yeah, that is me. Yep.” and laughing a bit

The host chuckled and said, “Right, now your fans also noticed the resemblance between this woman, and the woman you were seen at a club outside of London last week,” the picture of him walking into a club with her and their friends in the background had popped up. Elizabeth was circled.

“I am always impressed with the amount of investigative work by some of the fans,” Harry responded.

“I know, it’s crazy! I mean there was also talk of, you know, some kind of scuffle you might have been involved in at the club. Is there any truth to that? Or what’s going on?”

Harry shook his head, glancing at her and Jeffrey before turning back to the host, “No, do you know what it is? So the woman in the picture is just an old friend of mine from school. I was back home and attended some friends wedding, who happens to also have gone to the club with us, and yaknow, everyone got a few too many drinks in them at the club and things got a bit rowdy, but no, I didn’t fight anyone.”

“So this woman is just an old school friend of yours? Not your girlfriend?”

“Right. I’ve known her since I was fourteen. I knew most of these people since I was fourteen,” he pointed to the picture, “It was nice to get back home and spend some time with old friends, to really get back to my old life for a while. It was great fun. That weekend actually inspired a few songs for the next album that we’re working on, which is really cool, so I’m excited for that.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened in shock. Harry never told her that he was writing songs about that weekend, which was odd because they’ve been pretty much inseparable since. How could he have hidden that from her? She started to wonder if maybe that was what he was doing while she was working, whenever she interrupted him in the middle of playing his guitar. And maybe that’s what him and Mitch went to work on last night. She suddenly started to get nervous that he might have mentioned their sexual intimacy in those songs, unsure how to feel about it.

This round of questions gave Elizabeth mixed feelings. She was impressed with how Harry was able to get around the questions and so easily shoot down the idea of the two of them being any more than friends, but she also felt a bit saddened about how plausible it all sounded. She could easily be just Harry’s old friend, and the thought of that was slightly upsetting.

“So, since you are single,” the host carried on, “Are you looking to be in a relationship? Or are you just enjoying being single at the moment?”

“I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship at the moment, but if something happens, then it happens, you know what I mean?” He laughed.

“So what would you say your ideal relationship looks like?”

“I would say my ideal relationship looks like…..” he thought for a minute, looking around the room and catching eyes with Elizabeth before saying, “it’s sharing a sleeve of oreos together so I don’t have to eat the entire sleeve on my own.”

Elizabeth’s heart danced in her chest as the host laughed. A smile started to form on her face, suddenly feeling more at ease with where her and Harry’s ‘relationship’ stood. She might not have technically been his ‘girlfriend’ yet, but she was feeling more confident in the idea.

When they wrapped up the interview Harry had joined the three of them along with two of the people from the studio, thanking him for his time and congratulating him. The main interviewer turned towards Elizabeth and smiled.

“I hope I didn’t embarrass you with some of those questions,” he said, kindly, offering a handshake, “What’s your name?”

Elizabeth stuttered, realizing that he had recognized her from the pictures, and shaking his hand “Oh, no. It’s okay, I understand. I’m Elizabeth.”

He nodded, and smiled inquisitively “So you two really aren’t dating?”

She felt her cheeks blush and looked over at Harry who was in conversation with someone else, “No, sir. Just old friends.”

He nodded, looking at her for a minute before saying, “Alright. Well, it was nice to meet you, Elizabeth.”

As soon as they were back in the SUV together and headed to the next interview, Harry turned to Elizabeth with a slight smirk.

“You okay so far?” He asked.

Elizabeth laughed, “I was not expecting it to be like that. First of all, you’ve been writing songs about all of us?”

Harry grinned, “I’ve been dabbling around with some ideas.”

“You never told me! Can I hear them?”

He hesitated, “.....not yet. I’m not done with them. Maybe once we’re all able to go in the studio and start working on it more. We’ll see.”

“None of them are about me, though, right?” she asked. Harry was silent, looking at her like a deer in headlights. Elizabeth gasped, lightly slapping his arm with a giggle, “Harry!”

He put his hands up defensively, laughing, “I can’t help it! I’m an artist! It’s what we do! It’s just song ideas, anyway. Nothing is written yet.”

Elizabeth shook her head with a grin, “Anyway. I’ve just texted Sarah. I think I’m going to take an uber from the next location to meet up with them. I don’t know if I can sit through another interview of them asking you about ‘the mystery girl in the photo’. It’s too embarrassing.”

Harry nodded understandingly. When they had reached the next destination, Jeffrey, Lisa, and Kenneth had stepped out. Harry was supposed to be the next one out, but he quickly turned to give her a kiss and whispered, “I’ve been wanting to do that all morning without anyone seeing.”

She smiled sweetly at him before pushing him out of the car so as not to look too suspicious. She had said her goodbyes to them in the lobby of the building, waiting for an uber to come and pick her up. So many emotions were running through her, but for some reason she didn’t care as much about the repercussions of being photographed with Harry anymore. But was that a good thing?

KEEP READING

#Harry Styles #Harry Styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fan fiction #one direction #one direction fanfic #one direction fanfiction #one direction fan fic #one direction fan fiction #one direction smut #smut #fluff

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trevorfkyi452 · 3 years

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#photo organizer software #photo organizer #easy photo organizer software #windows photo organizer software

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theblacknessdyer · 4 years

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Tagged by @power-chords in the “four albums that came out the year you turned 14″ meme, and also stealing her addition of “four more that didn’t come out then, but were in heavy rotation″:

Four albums of 2003

The Dresden Dolls - S/T A revelation for assorted teen goths and freaks all over, my copy burned for me by my much cooler and more goth friend Leyla. I was deep in classical piano lessons at the time, and the idea of a woman not giving much of a fuck about sounding pretty was a new and delightful one to me. Brian Viglione is exactly what Amanda Palmer needed to set her off, and “Half Jack” is still incredible.

Muse - Absolution On that note: this was the other revelation I experienced about piano having a place in rock music, but from the virtuosic standpoint. Thank you, Matt Bellamy, for also being a Liszt fan. Prior to adopting theblacknessdyer as a screen name, I used "endlessly” (and variants on it) pretty extensively, including on this very blog.

Radiohead - Hail To The Thief My introduction to Radiohead was when I was sitting in the high school English hallway with my friend Andrea; she passed me her headphones, said “I think you’ll like this song,” and put on “Myxomatosis”. She was right. I went to Best Buy (lol) that very weekend and bought the CD - I remember seeing actual television ads for it, which is a weird thought. I love the album, but the From The Basement performances were a fresh revelation.

Kill Hannah - For Never And Ever Longtime followers will know that I spent my teen years as an enormous KH fan - I didn’t say that I had particularly good taste when I was 14 - and through them was introduced to a great deal of the Chicago alt scene, which I can hardly regret. Imagine my deep disappointment when I finally realized that “Kennedy” and “Welcome To Chicago” (not on this album, but a b-side on the single immediately preceding it) were both ripped off of the exact same Jesus And Mary Chain track in different ways. I’ve seen this band live more times than any other, thanks to their local origins, Christmas shows that ran annually for nearly a decade, and their kind insistence on all-ages shows at Metro or Subterranean or HoB. Every December still feels a little incomplete if I’m not queueing outside somewhere in the snow, wearing a black hoodie and chain-smoking. I still feel a little bad that they finally managed to get signed to a major label (Atlantic) after 10 years of attempts, released this album, and then subsequently watched the music industry collapse out from under them...

Four more listened albums of 2003:

Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American I know, I know, the album that the cool kids like best is Clarity, but this was the one that my local library had, and I didn’t have a fast enough internet connection in 2003 to download much. I picked this album back up this year, and it turns out that I will still be gutted by the closer. Brings back so many church group trips and waiting rooms. (Someone on one of said church group trips described them as “too emo”, and thus was my introduction to the concept.)

Nine Inch Nails - And All That Could Have Been This is a story that I’ve told many times before: I went to Leyla’s after school one Friday, for one of our typical sleepovers where we’d make and eat Pillsbury breadsticks and instant ramen, and instead of Blackadder or H2G2, she put on a live concert DVD that her cool older cousin had gotten her for Christmas. “Terrible Lie” left me a little cold, but by the end of “Sin” I was in love with this band. I still think that that version is one of the finest tracks that NIN has ever put to tape, and whatever personal issues I may have with R** S*******, it’s my own ideal of a live video recording/DVD release (short of TOIOU’s Live: The Downward Spiral, in which you can see the taper being knocked around the pit during March Of The Pigs).

Arlo Guthrie - The Best of Arlo Guthrie The eternal tape playing in my dad’s van as a child, converted to CD for me by my half-brother who lived with us the summer after dropping out of college. I buy tickets every time he comes into town on tour. Can I recite the entire Motorcycle Song, w/The Significance Of The Pickle (not to mention The City Of New Orleans)? YES. I’D RATHER RIDE ON MY MOTORCY... CLE.

The Adverts - Crossing the Red Sea with The Adverts The Sex Pistols were... fine, I guess, but this was the real 70′s Britpunk to me. How punk could you be if you didn’t have a lady on board? I still recommend Gary Gilmore’s Eyes, or Bored Teenagers. Looking for love, or should I say, emotional rages!

Bonus: please know that I was listening to all of these on a yellow plastic Discman, with an Azumanga Daioh! sticker I’d gotten from an issue of Newtype USA and slapped on the front (and that bullshit was, in fact, what made @mykenbomb say hi to me in math class one day). I toted around a selected rotation of discs in a bright green “unbreakable” case that I covered in smiley face stickers, and still own - I used it in my old car (which had no aux or USB input) right up until the stereo gave out a couple of years ago.

#tysm for tagging me!#long post #music #god I can't believe I didn't even get to King Missile...

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peace-coast-island · 4 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Look to the stars

What a beautiful starry night! The sky's a mix of lavenders, roses, and gold stardust clouds peeking through the darkness. That's right, it's the gemstone galaxy in all it's glory!

According to Hawk, this marvelous sight only occurs once every millennia so we gotta cherish every second of it! How lucky is it that Wolfgang and Ketchup built an astronomer's telescope for us to gaze into the wonders of space? It's one thing to see the gemstone galaxy in clear view, it's a whole 'nother experience seeing it up close through a fancy telescope!

At long last, the BFF squad is here. As soon as Hawk heard about the gemstone galaxy showing up around this area, he immediately got the others on board to come right over to the camp. It's been great having Kat, Hawk, Elara, AJ, and Micah here - especially with Hawk's enthusiasm about the gemstone galaxy!

The gang arrived a couple days ago and since then we've been chilling, doing fun camping stuff, and catching up. Elara and AJ are rowdy as usual, Breezy Hollow being their ideal place for a picnic date. They should come during a gyroid event or a scavenger hunt as that's something they'd totally dig - AJ likes climbing trees and getting into hard to reach places while Elara likes scavenging and collecting things. Speaking of gyroids, Daisy Jane and Hawk might be cooking up something for a future event...

In other news, Kat and Hawk are engaged! And so are Elara and AJ! Not surprisingly, they announced their engagements at the same time. No double wedding though - Kat and Hawk have a date in mind while the gals aren't planning to get hitched anytime soon. Micah pretends to be indifferent but we know he's a tiny bit excited now that Hawk's going to be his brother - not that he hasn't always been like one, but now it's official.

Both families have been going a bit crazy with the planning. Kat says her aunts have been bombarding them with questions while Hawk's dads keep bringing out the photo albums and memory books and making everyone emotional. At least Micah Sr.'s there to keep the others from going overboard, but Kat and Hawk can tell that he's a bit overwhelmed. That's partly the reason why they wanted to get married soon - to keep their families from being too hyped up.

Hard to believe that the next time I'll probably see Kat and Hawk, they'll be a married couple! They plan to have a traditional wedding, which includes a ceremony to induct Hawk into the Crescent Moon royal family as well as an unveiling of a new family portrait for the mural room. It's a lot to plan for in three and a half months but it's nothing they can't handle - not with pretty much everyone helping out in some way.

As for AJ and Elara, they're taking their sweet time. After all it took them over three years to finally confess their feelings - and before that they were going back and forth on whether they liked each other or not. Took them a long time, but now with their pasts far behind them, they can heal and forge a new future together.

On the first day the squad arrived it was close to evening so we hung out at Saltwater Shores to catch dinner and set up a bonfire barbecue. When it got dark we went stargazing, which was the perfect segue for Hawk to fill us in about the gemstone galaxy. Then Wolfgang and Ketchup brought up the astronomer's telescope and from there we began planning a watch party for the once in a lifetime phenomenon.

The next day we went hiking in the mountains, where AJ and Micah were messing around and ended up getting stuck on a dangerously high and narrow cliff. Elara tried to come to the rescue, only to end up dangling off a branch that broke and landed on top of Hawk. Kat ended up doing the rescuing via teleporting, which was tricky as they managed to get into a really tight spot so Kat had to land several feet away and reach for them in order to get them out before the rocks gave out.

Along the way we found some berries and later made some tarts and cupcakes for the stargazing party. Of course, we made them galaxy themed or else that would be a missed opportunity. It's good to see that Elara and AJ have improved their culinary skills - AJ's been into making cakes and is currently taking impromptu baking lessons from Kat and Micah's aunts and dad. Elara has never been big on using measurements and yet she manages to get it just right by eyeballing it or guesstimating. Kat's glad that they don't leave behind a tornado in the kitchen anymore while Micah's happy that their cooking's edible - both are major improvements.

After spending the day hiking at the mountains, we spent the next day sailing with Gulliver. We visited various islands to collect treats and treasures. By accident, Micah found a couple leaf ticket maps so that was a big win! Leaf tickets are hard to come by so I'd be a fool to turn them down. While two couples went off for some alone time at Lovestruck Island, Daisy Jane, Micah, and I went for a swim at the waterfall.

Micah pretends to be annoyed by the lovebirds running off on their own while being left behind but I know he's happy for them. After all, he's the one who first hinted that Kat and Hawk were getting serious. Knowing him and Devi, they're planning a big surprise for the wedding - either which way it goes, it'll make for an unforgettable ceremony. Given how he's been putting on a performance for me and Daisy Jane with some new water spells he's been learning, I have a feeling that the surprise has something to do with the fountain at the castle courtyard.

While exploring Argyle Island we ran into Celeste and Blathers and got to talking about the gemstone galaxy. We also dug up some fossils, which got Blathers excited so we got to talking about those too. The Wizpire Museum's fossil wing is due for an update so it looks like we're gonna have a new exhibition! Now we're gonna have to explore more islands to find more fossils so that's gonna be fun to look forward to.

During midday we went back to the camp so Celeste can take a look at the astronomer's telescope and set up more equipment. Hawk and Wolfgang did some research at the cabin while Kat helped Daisy Jane with the decor. Elara, Blathers, Micah, and I tested all the telescopes, which was a lot of fun. Then we visited a few more islands before settling in Comet Island for another fun night of stargazing.

Today we hung around the camp, catching fish and bugs, harvesting fruit, and helping campers out. We also crafted some space themed stuff for the party while Hawk and Celeste tinkered around with an old telescope. AJ got started on baking cupcakes with Judy and Coco while Ruby and Ribbot made berry tarts. Blathers interviewed Kat and Elara for research - it's so cute seeing them so enthusiastic and curious towards each other. Elara always wanted to meet Blathers so it's a dream come true for her. Micah tagged along with me and Daisy Jane, running errands and packaging orders. So the camp has been buzzing with activity all day.

AJ later joined us on packing orders for Daisy Jane. Happy Floral Mail has been taking off with at least twenty orders pouring in a week. Daisy Jane's been working on a shop update where she'll introduce new products like memo pads, keychains, and enamel pins so she's in the process of finalizing many designs. At the rate the shop's continuing to grow, Almie might become her assistant by the end of the year!

By the time we were finished with the orders, the cupcakes were ready to decorate. Along with baking AJ's also taken up cake decorating, courtesy of Annie and Micah Sr. She even learned how to make Italian merengue buttercream, an impressive feat as I've heard it takes skill to make. To make it galaxy themed we added food coloring and star sprinkles.

Nightfall came and so did the gemstone galaxy. Hawk wasn't exaggerating about how beautiful the stars look. The view is simply breathtaking! I swear the moment the galaxy came into full view, the entire camp fell silent. It's been a few hours now so the sky's mostly black with gold, lavender, and rose clouds still peeking through the dark. I feel so lucky to experience such a wonder!

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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fmdsooaharchive · 4 years

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CHO SOOAH — HEADCANON #4 (30 DAYS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - IDOL EDITION)

SUMMARY: We ask ourselves why would you write more than 5.000 words in a single day for something that was supposed to go on for 30 days and we reach the conclusion that we needed the points and why not, am I right? While writing this I realized that Sooah doesn’t have many friends her age but also, she isn’t friends anyone in Gold Star besides her members so please befriend my kid. WC: 5.042 MENTIONS: way too many people to be honest. TW: Really bad writing because I did it when I was clearly sleepy.

+ Day One: Introduce your muse. Are they solo or in a group? What is their position in the group? Consider this day the day for writing the basics.

Cho Sooah is part of Gold Star Media’s five-member group, Fuse. She was added to the team in 2015, a few months after their official debut in 2014 as their rapper and vocal as well as becoming the new maknae of the team.

+ Day Two: Talk about your muse’s childhood. Where did they grow up? Did they have any dream jobs besides being an idol? When did they realize they wanted to be an idol?

Sooah was born and raised in Seoul, South Korea. She had a pretty ideal childhood, she thinks. She was very lucky to have loving and supportive parents and very great older brothers who always looked out for her in their different ways. She was always connected to her family and that’s her grounding circle to this day. She’s very thankful to them for everything they did for her. While growing up, Sooah was always praised for her beauty and sweetness but she was usually taken advantage of and made fun of because of that. She had very little friends growing up but she didn’t mind that much because she had a pretty solid group that always supported her. Growing up, she wanted to become a stewardess and those were the plans until she was scouted by Gold Star. She never really realized she wanted to become an idol and even after she was signed under the company, she was still not sure about it. She became surer of it after she debuted and had a taste of how performing felt like.

+ Day Three: Take us back to when your muse was either recruited or auditioned to become an idol. How did that go? How did they feel getting up on stage for recruiters? If your muse could give their younger selves advice before the audition, what would they say?

Sooah is one of those people who go with their friends to an audition and end up being cast as well. She was accompanying Mia in her audition. She wanted to give her moral support and make sure everything would go as planned when one of the recruiters asked her to do something for them. Sooah was never really skillful. She couldn't sing or dance or act. But she’s pretty and that’s the main reason why they decided to sign with her. She was very nervous when she performed in front of them. She didn’t have anything prepared but a school song that they were supposed to perform in a festival soon and a guitar that she could barely play.

Sooah would tell herself not to be so harsh because maybe they did hire her because of her looks but that doesn’t mean she was a complete talentless failure. She was always so gentle to others; she should learn to be gentler to herself too.

+ Day Four: Remember the trainee days? What are some of your muse’s memories of being a trainee? How long were they a trainee? Were they worried about potentially not making a debut? Talk about any challenges they might have encountered.

Sooah’s memories of trainee days are almost blurred together in a mess of constant practice and doubting herself. Those weren’t very happy times, she felt insecure and out of place because these more talented people were training with her and she was not sure of her abilities or if she even deserved to be there with these people.

Sooah was a trainee for one year and four months, from November of 2013 to March of 2015 when was added to Fuse. Sooah always felt like she would never make it to a group and would eventually be kicked out by the company or be reassigned to a different department like modeling or acting. So, she had a constant fear of not making it to debut.

+ Day Five: Recall your muse’s debut. What was the song they debuted with? How did it feel performing for the first time on stage as an idol? Feel free to bring up their thoughts about the concept, choreography, lyrics, music video, or other components.

Sooah debuted with Fuse’s first EP and it was called ‘Ice Cream Cake’ from the album of the same name. She remembers quite vividly feeling very excited but also extremely terrified. She never performed in front of an audience before and the Fuse fans had made it pretty clear even before she made her first appearance that they weren’t fond of Gold Star’s strategy of adding a useless member to a group that was already perfect as four. But she was finally making it to debut and there was no hater in her life that would stop her from feeling ecstatic at this opportunity.

Sooah liked ‘Ice Cream Cake’. Both the single and the album were nice. She thinks the MV was particularly aesthetically pleasing, her unnies looked stunning as always. She wasn’t certain about the ‘everyone will go blonde’ but the different tones made each of them stand out in different ways. At the time, she had never practiced choreography as much as she did for ‘Ice Cream Cake’. She went over and over this routine thousand times just to make sure she wouldn’t mess up. She was only sixteen at the time, so everything kind of overwhelmed her.

+ Day Six: What concept does your muse think they can pull off best? Cutesy? Manly? Sexy? What concept do they have a hard time pulling off? What kind of concept would they want to do at some point?

Sooah can put off cutesy, happier concepts better than the more badass, girl crush ones and that has a lot to do with her looks more than with what she’s comfortable doing. She doesn’t mind their more happy and upbeat concepts just as she doesn’t mind when she has to do more serious stuff. ‘Peek-a-Boo’ remains as one of her favorite MV’s and songs to this day just as much as ‘Red Flavor’ and she thinks that’s nice because that’s the whole concept they were going for with Fuse. With how many weird concepts they’ve done in the past, Sooah thinks they can pull off pretty much anything at this point but she knows it’s very unlikely that Gold Star would invest in a concept similar to Lucid’s Nightmare trilogy. She would love to do something like that though.

+ Day Seven: Which era is your muse’s favorite in their career? Why is it their favorite (think concept, promotions, choreography, etc.)? If your muse has recently debuted, talk about what they would want to do for their next comeback.

‘Russian Roulette’ is an era that she thinks many people end up forgetting and it’s not fair because it was pretty fun to promote. The storyline for the MV is not the lightest, of course, since they are trying to get the others to get badly injured but the scenarios were so colorful and full of life (ironic). The choreography was tricky, but all choreographies were tricky for Sooah. It was fun to learn though, and she had a lot of fun while learning it because it didn’t give her much of a headache and she quickly learned the movements. It was a very cute kind of concept that she remembers fondly.

+ Day Eight: Talk about your muse’s strengths and weaknesses as an idol. Feel free to discuss their thoughts regarding these components. Think of qualities such as vocals, dancing, visuals, acting skills, and variety show skills, for example.

Sooah’s strengths as an idol are very reliant on her visuals and variety show skills, so everything that isn’t performative. Her looks were always something people praised her for even before auditioning to become a trainee. She was always very pretty and always had this soft look on her that works very well because it makes people feel at ease. It’s not the type of beauty that pushes people away but draws them in.

She used to be very shy in variety shows but Sooah got much better at that as years went by. To be fair, she got a lot better over time, but her weaknesses are still singing, dancing, and rapping which is ironic since she’s an idol. The main problem there is her confidence, though. She doesn’t believe she’s good or capable and that uncertainty remains clear in the way she performs.

+ Day Nine: What is your muse’s fashion style? Talk about what kind of clothes they love to wear. To them, what is the essential thing to have in their closet? What is their favorite outfit?

It depends a lot on the season. During spring, Sooah will use very flowy and long skirts, with pastel colors, and be the princess of spring because that season fits her image incredibly well. During autumn, she’ll rely on more earth tones and long coats. Winter is the season she’ll just dress to not freeze, so everything comfy and warm, she’ll be using and summer, though not her favorite season, is the time in the year when she’ll allow herself to use short shorts and sleeveless shirts, maybe use more flannels and overalls. Sooah has a very consistent and good sense of fashion and she likes going shopping with friends. You’ll always find jean jackets in her wardrobe and she’ll try to fit them into some outfit she has to wear. Her favorite outfits are the more romantic ones though, so spring is the best time for that.

+ Day Ten: Talk about your muse’s three closest friends. How did they meet? How long have they known each other? What do they love most about their friends?

Yuanjun is one of her closest friends and someone she cherishes a lot because despite being a little different personality-wise, they get along well to form the infamous 99-line. She likes his company and appreciates that they could remain, friends, because there weren’t any scandals involving the two of them. Boys and girls can be friends in the end and she’s glad people learned that, in this case.

Mia is one of her long-time friends. She’s the reason why Sooah was scouted by Gold Star because Sooah was only accompanying Mia when she decided to audition. Their relationship was a little messy because Mia was always the talented one but she ended up not debuting while Sooah, who was always pretty useless managed to make her way into Fuse. Sooah always felt guilty but Mia is now making sure that she knows none of that was her fault and they are still in good terms.

And last but not least, she would mention Minjung because despite not being the same age and being in the same team for work, Sooah still sees her as one of her closest friends and someone she can confide to. She was added to Fuse in 2015 and she was anxious because Minjung used to be their maknae and she was stealing the spot now but Minjung only proved to be very nice and sisterly to her and for that, she’ll be eternally thankful.

+ Day Eleven: Has your muse had any scandals? How have these scandals affected your muse as an idol or as a person? If your muse has not had any scandals, talk about their views on scandals. Is all publicity good publicity?

The only “scandal” of sorts Sooah was involved was when she was added to Fuse and some fans were not happy with Gold Star’s decision to add a pretty face to the team when they were perfect before. After that, Sooah lived pretty much like a saint, with no scandals and nothing that could tarnish Fuse’s or her image. It depends a lot on the scandal. Silly things as dating shouldn’t even be seen as scandals because idols are still humans but bullying scandals should surely be taken more seriously. And is bad to think that all publicity is good publicity because what kind of image they would want to build for the groups and company if they build their reputation around scandals. She’s not very fond of that idea.

+ Day Twelve: If your muse is in a group, what are the fun things about promoting with other members? What do they love about being in a group? What do they love about their members? If your muse is a solo artist, what are their thoughts on promoting alone? What do they love about being solo?

Sooah loves promoting with her members. She is very fond of them all and thinks she’s very lucky. She didn’t expect to be in a group where the members would be so supportive of her and look out for her the way her members do. It’s nice that the waiting rooms are never silent, there’s always someone talking and it’s noisy and because she grew up in a house full of people that is very comforting. She loves her members as a whole but also individually. She loves that Miyeon is like this force of nature that is amazing in pretty much everything but still has time to be supportive of Sooah. She loves that Suji was like a mother to her and took great care of her and made her feel comfortable in the group. She loves that Minjung is someone who likes to pamper her and is like a pretty sister she has now. They all feel like family to Sooah.

+ Day Thirteen: For the muses in a group, what are the challenges of being one of several people in a group? Have there been any troubles that have come along with being in a group environment and times they wish they were alone? For the solo artist muses, have you ever felt lonely promoting alone? Do you ever wish that you were in a group instead?

Sooah never hoped to be alone because she doesn’t think she can perform if she’s alone on the stage. Being in a group means that the public’s attention can deviate from a member to others and that’s only normal and it’s totally fine. There will be times she’ll feel like she did a good job but other members get more attention but Sooah thinks it’s only fair because she’s not exactly someone people will have their eyes set on for any reason in particular. She’s not the best singer, or dancer, or rapper. She knows people will look at her because she has great visuals though.

+ Day Fourteen: If your muse is in a group, how do you think they would have fared had they had a solo career instead? What kind of concept would they have? If your muse is a solo artist, how do you think they would have fared if they were in an idol group? What position of the group do you think they would have?

Sooah would do very poorly as a solo artist. To be fair, she probably wouldn’t even be sent to be an idol and would be redirected to the modeling or acting department instead. But if they were silly enough to still debut her as a solo artist, they would go with something light and aesthetically pleasing to match with her visuals. The songs wouldn’t go to high places and everything vocal would be minimalistic. Think of Kriesha Chu or even SOLE or Younha and we’ll have Sooah as a solo artist.

+ Day Fifteen: Who does your muse look up to in the industry? Why do they look up to this person?

Sooah looks up to everyone because she’s a sweetheart but if she had to pick three people she looks up to the most, those would be Lipstick’s Minah because she’s amazing in everything she does. She can sing, she can act, she can dance and she cooks amazing meals to Sooah. The perfect person who remained humble even after the success of her group. She wants to be like Minah when she grows up. She also looks up to Lux a lot and it’s not only because Lux helped her to write a song from scratch and promoted the song with her. She thinks Lux is an amazing artist and songwriter/composer and she wants to learn a lot from the older girl. On a similar note, there’s Joosung from Element. They worked together briefly during the BASE project and she saw him in this new light and thinks he’s a very talented and easy-going person. She aims to be a good producer like him in the future.

+ Day Sixteen: If your muse could do a special stage with another artist or idol group, who would it be and why? What song would they perform?

Sooah would love to work with the members of Lucid. Maybe Sooah and Alice, they are the same age and are already close because of the 99-line Sooah has going on. Since they have similar positions in their respective groups and because Alice is a great dancer, they could have a special stage singing to one of the classics of K-pop. Maybe a BoA song. If given a proper heads-up maybe she can even compose and write a song for them.

+ Day Seventeen: How would your muse fare in a variety show? If your muse could appear on any variety show, which variety would it be and why? If you don’t have a lot of knowledge of variety shows, talk about what kind of variety show they would go on.

It depends a lot on the variety show. If it’s something like DoReMi Market or Knowing Bros, she’ll do fairly well because she feels comfortable, it’s just them there having a talk and telling stories, sometimes playing some games. If it’s a show like Running Man or Law of the Jungle where she’ll have to actively show surviving skills or running and jumping, that makes her more anxious because she’s just not good at that kind of stuff.

+ Day Eighteen: What entertainment agency is your muse a part of? What do they think of other groups and artists that are in the same agency as them? Which labelmates do they get along with the most, excluding group members?

Sooah is part of Gold Star Media. She thinks people in her agency are dope even if the company itself makes some questionable decisions sometimes. But every single one of their artists, Sooah likes and listens to their songs. From their soloists to the co-ed group they have. Gold Star releases really good songs, she thinks and she’s very musically oriented and the company offers her the kind of support she would need to thrive in that area. She’s not particularly close to anyone in her company, except her members, though.

+ Day Nineteen: Is there anything besides idol activities that your muse would want to do? Would they want to take their hand at hosting a variety show or act in a television show or drama? Would they want to try out modeling or a musical? If they have done things such as these, talk about their thoughts toward these things.

Sooah thrives in the modeling route and that’s the most obvious path for her because of her unapparelled young visuals. That’s something she would want to do especially because it’s very easy for her and it’s also fun but to be honest, she would like to try her hand in variety shows more now that Fuse already has an established image.

+ Day Twenty: If your muse was able to be a part of a supergroup that comprised of current idols, who would they want to be in the same group, and why? What kind of concept would this group have? How do you think the group would do in terms of popularity?

If Sooah was to pick members for a supergroup, she would struggle a lot because many others are better qualified. But she would pick Lipstick’s Hyeju, Lucid’s Hyoyeon and Jeonghwa and WISH’s Sophie, besides herself. All of them are skilled and have the visuals Sooah would want to see in a group, besides being charismatic so she thinks they would do well together? Because they would look very powerful, they would probably invest in a more powerful, girl crush concept, like the ones in Femme Fatale. And since they have big names in the industry, they would also do fairly okay, popularity-wise.

+ Day Twenty-One: How does your muse feel about their fans? How do they feel about sasaeng fans? How would they handle a situation in which they were faced with obsessive fans that followed them or invaded their privacy? If they’ve had problems with sasaeng fans before, how did they feel about it?

She’s appreciative of her fans and she’s extremely glad that they are kind to her and her members too. She’s grateful that they kind of protect her from OT4 stans and that warms her heart a lot. She doesn’t know what she should do with sasaeng fans though. She’s scared of them, more than anything. She’s scared of which boundaries they might break to get her attention and she fears there’ll be a day they’ll end up hurting someone to get to her. She would try to communicate her thoughts and ask them to leave, even though she knows that probably wouldn’t work out. She would just be scared and ask her manager to help her with it.

+ Day Twenty-Two: Talk about your muse’s goals that they have for their group or themselves if they are a solo artist. Where would they want to promote if given the chance? Do they want to do a solo album at one point? This can be any sort of professional goal.

There isn’t much she can think of because she’s good at following the flow and doing as she’s told. Fuse reached a point where things are comfortable and their name is established. She wants the other members to be able to have separate careers and still be successful with the things they want to do so maybe that means they’ll have to be more recognizable not only internationally but also locally. She never visited Central or South America and she would love to visit the countries in these regions sometime in the future to promote.

+ Day Twenty-Three: What are your muse’s thoughts on being an idol and dating? Are they against dating? Have they ever been in a relationship after debuting? If so, talk about the challenges that have come along with dating. If they aren’t dating, would they want to date?

She understands why some people are against it. She doesn’t agree with their thoughts. She thinks that they are young and they are surrounded by beautiful people all the time and at some point, is only natural to feel attraction towards someone. And as healthy, young people, they should be allowed to have normal experiences such as dating. Sooah was never in a relationship before or after debut. She was way too young when she became a trainee and she was way too focused on not messing up and practicing after she debuted. And of course, she would love to date someone if she feels it’s the right person.

+ Day Twenty-Four: Who is your muse’s ideal type? Why is this person their ideal type?

She has been saying since debut that she finds Lee Dong Wook very attractive and nominated him as her idol type since 2015. She never talked to Lee Dong Wook personally so she can’t talk about anything but his good looks. The sharp jaw and the kind of eyes are what draws her to this kind of aesthetic and she’ll be the first to admit that people like him don’t look like they smile a lot but there’s a certain satisfaction in getting a smile from them and the possibility makes her heart flutter. She has to be able to rely on the person and feel comfortable being around them. They also have to know how to properly cook, otherwise, they’ll rely on take-out for a long while.

+ Day Twenty-Five: What does your muse want to be remembered for in the idol world? Do they want to be remembered for their vocal prowess? Their image? Their dancing skills? Their scandals?

Sooah wants to be remembered as someone who improved over the years and became great in the end. She won’t stand out in any meaningful way. She’ll never be the greatest singer or the best dancer or someone remembered because of her little rap lines in Fuse’s songs. She does expect people to have the image of someone who came from the bottom and still managed to become someone great and who learned and improved a lot. Someone who never really stagnated and worked on herself to become a better artist.

+ Day Twenty-Six: Does your muse ever regret becoming an idol? Do they ever think about what they would be doing instead if they lived a normal life? If they could go back in time, would they do everything all over again? Or would they end up doing something else?

She remembers regretting becoming an idol when she went back home after living with her members in the dorms. She was moving back home so she could spend some more time with her parents and she remembers seeing them after a long while and thinking, “they have aged”. There were wrinkles around her father’s eyes and her mother was slouching a little bit more and she remembers feeling very sad because she barely spent time with them in the last 4 years or so. She never thought she would have a normal life, to begin with. She dreamed of big adventures and in a way or another, this is a big adventure and she tries not to regret things or think how things would have turned out. She doesn’t think she would trade her life now for a “normal” life mainly because she can’t imagine herself not having the people, she has in her life now.

+ Day Twenty-Seven: After working hard on promotions, your muse is given the chance to take a two-week vacation anywhere in the world at any time they want, with nobody bothering them. Where would they go and when? Why would they want to take their vacation there? If they had the opportunity to bring three other people, who would they bring?

She always wanted to visit Machu-Pichu so maybe she would go there and hike her way up the mountains. She remembers seeing a documentary when she was younger and that became her plan with her mom that one day they would go to Peru and see the clouds from up there. She still didn’t have the time to do that with her. She would take her mom and her two older siblings with her. Dad is not very fond of that because he has back problems so he would have two weeks of freedom at home on his own.

+ Day Twenty-Eight: Talk about your muse’s low point in life. Why was this a low point in their life? What kind of challenges did they face and how did they feel about this? Were they able to overcome it? If it is still ongoing, are they working on overcoming these challenges?

During the trainee years, Sooah’s self-esteem hit a really low level. She was self-doubting a lot at the time and thinking she wasn’t enough and that she wouldn’t be able to ever get better regarding her skills. She was surrounded by incredibly talented people but there she was, not being remotely good in what she was supposed to do. Sooah thinks she’ll never get completely rid of this kind of thoughts, mainly because she knows she has a long way to go but things now are much better and because she has so many supportive figures in her life, she can rely on them more and not suffer on her own anymore.

+ Day Twenty-Nine: Talk about your muse’s most meaningful moment as an idol. This is what they feel so far is the highest point in their life and where they’ve never been happier. Recall the memory and describe it; what happened and how did they feel?

Sooah remembers the moment of their first concert with a lot of fondness. They have been practicing for months at the time and Sooah was so nervous because it would be their first time doing a concert only with their fans and she didn’t want to mess things up. The moment they were waiting backstage to be okayed to go up and perform, she had a million thoughts in her head that slowly started dissipating as they sang and danced. She remembers feeling very warm in her heart when they had their first break and as they introduced themselves, she would hear the screams of the fans. When her turn came up and she heard their screams of support, Sooah laughed and her eyes teared a bit even. She was never so happy to perform like she was with the ‘Red Room’.

+ Day Thirty: Think about your muse’s life down the road. Where would they be and what would they be doing? Would they still be in the entertainment industry? Would they settle down and have a family?

When Fuse eventually disbands, Sooah will probably not get involved with music. At least she won’t be releasing songs for herself to sing. She’ll be more than happy to remain active as a lyricist/composer/producer and that’s her priority. Maybe invest more in her career as a model and start putting her visuals to good use, too. But she doesn’t exactly see herself wanting to be the center of attention like it happened in Fuse. She wants to slowly show her process of retirement, pretty much like Hyori wanted to do once in past. She sees herself settling down to have a family. She also sees herself traveling around the world and enjoying life differently too.

#『 .. headcanon. 』#+10pts.

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secretradiobrooklyn · 4 years

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Radio Decameron |1.16.21 & 1.23.21

Secret Radio | 1.16.21 & 1.23.21 | Hear it here.

1. Sylvain Sylvain - “I’m So Sorry”

I never feel right saying “RIP” or “rest in peace” about an actual human being who is no longer with us. But I will say: I hope Sylvain Sylvain died content with the music he made and the life he lived.

2. The Honeydrippers - “Impeach the President”

And ideally, then we would never have to hear from or talk about that accursed criminal ever again. We recorded this section before the inauguration — may we never forget how ALL 50 STATE CAPITOLS plus the US Capitol itself were being guarded against attacks by American citizens on that day — and shit was tense there for many days. As of this writing, things are… unviolent. It feels like a lull to me, honestly, rather than, say, all that stuff being in the rearview. It is not.

But meanwhile, check that beat out!

I love how Roy Charles is trying to convince them to stop demanding, but they just keep insisting. This song is brilliant, and the playing is — c’mon now — unimpeachable.

3. Niagara - “Tchiki boum”

We heard this song in the film “Perdrix,” known as “The Bare Necessity” in the version we saw via SLIFF. They’re dancing in a club to this, and it’s just a really distractingly good song for the scene.

- C.K. Mann - “Mber Papa”

We just recently learned about Essiebons by learning that he passed just this August. He was a producer of legendary status to a lot of people. Listening around his music we came upon C.K. Mann and this righteous track, which Essiebons produced. I think this is a pretty ultra track, really. Every instrument really kicks it out. I hope Essiebons died happy.

4. Rocky Horror Picture Show - “Hot Patootie / Bless My Soul”

New president, feeling kinda upbeat and hopeful. Really just starting to feel the tips of my soul from where it’s been getting singed. It’s going to take a long time to scab over what happened to us all over the last four years. I’m so fucking glad he’s gone that it makes me really love that rock n roll!

5. Moon Unit & Frank Zappa - “Valley Girl”

Tell you what: we watched the movie “Zappa” recently as part of a film festival, and I highly recommend watching it at your earliest opportunity. It is absolutely for people who do, and for people who do not, love his music. He shows up as a really interesting character throughout his whole life. The film skips through his songs with amazing speed, which actually works really well in his case. This song is with his daughter Moon Unit, who actually slid a handwritten note under his door introducing herself by name and saying that she wanted to collaborate on a project. They did this, and while Zappa was in Europe, Moon Unit brought the acetates to KROC and the song became an instant hit for them. Meanwhile he was writing for multiple orchestras.

6. Jacques Dutronc - “Sur Une Nappe de Restaurant”

This is totally not how I tune my drums, but I love how Dutronc’s drums sound in every song. I mean, the whole band of course, but there is a physical space both in the drum part as written and in the recorded texture of the whole that is just deep and wide.

7. Nyame Bekyere - “Medley: Broken Heart / Aunty Yaa / Omo Yaba (Nzema)”

This is another discovery via Essebiens, who released it on Essiebons Enterprises. It’s such an intense track! The cover artwork is by K. Frimpong, who plays a crazy Cuban guitar style on his own albums.

8. Ros Serey Sothea - “Tngai Neas Kyom Yam Sra (Today I Drink Wine)”

This is a voice, and a cast of characters, I can’t stop thinking about. This is from “Cambodian Rocks Vol 1,” which is full of great recordings. Her voice could shatter glass, and it’s so skillfully wielded — I’d love to hear her in a face-off with Frankie Valli.

- There’s a moment from Paige’s phone archives of a little George and Isabelle aching to ride rides at the Millstadt homecoming.

9. Les Poppys - “Isabelle je t’aime”

These young boys singing collectively about their — collective? 17 individual? — love(s) for Isabelle is even more innocent in video format:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o618mlIaR7E

- more C.K. Mann - “Mber Papa”

10. The Jam - “In the City”

This song makes me miss the city so much! It sounds like everything we really can’t get up to right now. I feel like this song helps me feel like I’m walking fast under streetlights.

11. Bruno Leys - “Maintenant je suis un voyou”

This 7” from Born Bad is so incredible! Bruno Leys worked on just a few songs with a band that included a guy named Emmanuel Pairault who plays parts on an instrument called the ondes Martenot, a super early, very eclectic and ungainly electronic instrument. The fact that he could actually compose music of any kind on it was considered remarkable. The fact that he was able to write such incredibly expressive parts to thoroughly filigree the choruses is what amazes me.

This band recorded four songs, then Bruno Leys left for his military service, and when he came back it was all completely over — the catalog was sold, everyone was scattered. Four songs.

12. Sleepy Kitty - “Nothing = You”

I’m pretty sure this song was essentially our response to our own growing fascination with French pop. To me it sounds more French than American in texture. We played this song with the Incurables once at The Pageant in STL and it was especially glorious. I think of that moment — Kevin Bachmann harmonizing flawlessly with Paige, four different guitars ringing through the chords — every time I hear this track.

13. Plastic Bertrand - “Pogo Pogo”

I don’t know why or when “Ça Plane Pour Moi” became the one French pop song that Americans are likely to know, but it’s a total banger so I have no complaints. It turns out that pretty much all of his songs sound very similar — one-note melodies in the verse, cool vocalese hooks in the chorus, and super-driving guitar parts throughout. Turns out that’s a formula we totally dig!

14. Os K-rrascos & Vanessinha Do Picatchu - “Bochecha Ardendo”

For whatever reason, a variety of Brazilian music seemed to be the very hottest stuff to be found in Chicago’s art-school party nights, and I remember losing my mind to some heavy Brazilian rhythms that just kept folding over and over on themselves while staying so impossibly funky that the whole night just turned into a deep-green-and-dark orange smear of a late-night winter warehouse dancing and sweating and then way, way later, walking home steaming along a cold sidewalk on a tree-lined street.

- Eric Dolphy - “Hat and Beard”

15. Von Südenfed - “The Rhinohead”

I feel like no one in my zone talks enough about how awesome Von Südenfed is. I mean, we only know this one album, but it’s so fascinating — a band where Mark E. Smith is contributing but not in control, and on purpose. He shows off his pop chops and gets to be a whole different character in this one place, while the Mouse on Mars guys get to play new characters themselves. It feels like it’s related to “Extricate” in how it’s constructed, but the music doesn’t sound like something any version of the Fall has made.

16. Fischer-Spooner - “The 15th”

A friend of Wire is a friend of ours.

p.s. Paige here, they went to SAIC (before I arrived) but they were super famous to all of us in the dorms.

17. T.P. Orchestre - “Pourquoi Pas?”

The depths of this band just continue to amaze us. We’re waiting on some T.P.O.C. vinyl right now, featuring mostly songs we’ve never heard, and the everlovin’ post office is misdelivering it BACK to France even as I write this. It’s driving us totally nuts.

18. Nina Simone - “Mississippi Goddam”

The hardness of her voice, the hardness of her experience, the hardness of her words.

19. Fanny - “Blind Alley”

I don’t know who first put this in front of my eyes, but it was a few years ago. The video is so basic — they’re performing in front of a video-psych effect — but the performers themselves are just so absorbing. And the production is so heavy, it feels legendary.

20. Manmadha Leela soundtrack - “Kushalamena”

I think we first saw a colorful glimpse of this song before we heard it. Paige automatically starts dancing a little dance as soon as “Kushalamena” comes on.

This I think came from the “Now Playing” group I’m in on FB: a guy was holding out a picture of the cover of this album and said he’d bought 40 more like it and he LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. He just wanted to see if anyone knew anything more about them. I did my best to hear the album he was showing. I think this is it. I think he’s right to be super jazzed about it, we just want to hang out with him and listen to all those records.

21. Francis Bebey - “Je vous aime zaime zaime”

Paige was working on her pronunciation and when to use the ellision — the z sound for the s letter, depending on what comes next — and he said something about, “Unless you’re Francis Bebey and you’re singing ‘Je vous aime zaime zaime.” And she said, “Francis Bebey? I know Francis Bebey!” and he said, “No, you’re thinking of another Francis.” But we all know the truth. This was our introduction to the song though.

- Jack Teagarden - “I Guess I’ll Have to Change My Plan”

Paige was looking for the Fred Astaire & Jack Buchanan version from “The Bandwagon,” but found this great instrumental trombone-forward version instead.

22. Pono AM - "Good Vibes"

This is one of those things you see every once in a great while when you’re playing clubs in a music scene — a band hits a natural home run. They just have an undeniably appealing crowdpleaser of a song that they wrote, and everyone flips out when they hear it. We salute Pono AM for writing this perfect song. They enrich the STL music world. My only advice to them was to never get tired of it or take it for granted.

Paige: We took their band photos at our space on Cherokee Street, for an RFT article. I was impressed because they arrived with matching shirts that still had the tags on them, and it was really exciting to see a new band on the scene who was really good and also putting in the effort to be graphically interesting. We believe that stuff counts. All of their shows, if you got there early, you’d see all of the band members blowing up as many balloons as they could, so there would be balloons bouncing around their set for the whole show, and it made it even better.

23. Sir Victor Uwaifo And His Titibitis - "Iranm Iran"

Analog Africa has a new album! It’s called “Edo International,” and it shows off a whole other side of Beninese music that isn’t T.P. Orchestre. I think of T.P. Orchestre as just a giant force in Beninese music, but then this comp comes out showing so many other roots of Benin City’s highlife-funk scene. Victor Uwaifo was a Nigerian guitarist who returned to his hometown in Benin City and built Joromi Studio. The sound he put together at that place, via his own bands and others’, came to be called Edo Funk.

24. Laughing Man - "Brilliant Colors"

This is a tape of one of the artists of one of the group houses that we always would stay at in DC. Benjamin Schurr runs a tape label and it was always such a treat getting the new batch of Blight. releases for the van soundsystem when we’d roll through town, or one of his bands would tour through St. Louis. They were always interesting stuff and a wide range of sounds and styles.

We first met Brandon Moses when he was on tour with Paperhaus in St. Louis. I think it was his birthday, too. He didn’t tour a ton with them. Laughing Man was our first time hearing him front songs. We always enjoyed staying with Erik and Benjamin and Brandon and enjoyed sharing that green power juice that Brandon gave us — really powered us up for the next drive.

- Bembeya Jazz - “Petit Sokou”

I have felt love for this song for awhile, but Josh Weinstein recently sent a video of the band actually performing this song and WOW, it is hypnotizing. The outfits, the instruments, and the expressiveness of the guitar playing are all so vivid in black and white: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpZVF_kKUJ4

25. Maxime le Forestier - “San Francisco”

Our thanks to Paige’s French instructor for showing us this song. Paige’s version is well worth hearing too, I must say: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKhJfqDDe2q/

p.s. Paige again, if you want to see the dragon birthday card that Evan made, here it is!

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shadyb00ts · 4 years

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How 2020 Turned Me Into A Swiftie Again

If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d have not one but two Taylor Swift albums in my year-end favorites list, I would’ve thought you were out of your mind. Then again, stranger things have happened in this hellscape of a year.

I’m really not sure where the first time I heard the phrase “Life is too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift” was. I have no idea who originated it, but it stuck with me when I started to unpack that about a year ago, during her Lover era. By then, my perception and feelings about Taylor had been very... inconsistent, to say the least. I started out as a full-on stan, then it dwindled from there overtime until I basically became a hater, which then turned into indifference but silent respect. Now, I’m pretty much on the road to becoming a stan again. Revisiting her catalog, analyzing her lyrics, watching interviews, the works.

I wanted to examine what it was that made my opinions about her go through so many steep rises and falls within this entire decade. Part of it was her shift in musical style that I didn’t quite mesh with, but another part was owning up to the internal biases I had when I was younger and how gullible I was in going along with whatever the media or the popular conscious was saying about her and the kind of person she is.

I’m somebody who’s incapable of separating art from the artist. I simply don’t listen to artists when I don’t like them as people or don’t agree with their actions. Examples include but are not limited to Kim Petras, Melanie Martinez, Azealia Banks, Grimes, just to name a few. I have my own personal reasons for just not wanting to engage with any of their music, and if you still want to, that’s none of my business.

At some point in my life, I think Taylor got on that list. Looking back on it now, I find that completely ridiculous, because she never really did anything or acted in a way that warranted that reaction out of me. So I wanted to delve into how that even came about in the first place.

With that said, I want to take a trip down memory lane and go back through her eras, and go through the timeline of my strange relationship with Taylor Swift’s body of work as well as her public persona. Fair warning, it’s gonna be really cheesy and emotional at parts, but it is fully my truth. Thank you in advance if you manage to read the whole thing.

Part 1: The Country Era

It’s 2010 and I’m in eighth grade. I’m in an extremely Muslim country, the only son of an extremely Muslim family that enrolled me in an extremely Muslim school. I’m getting bullied by the boys in my class for being too feminine and being ignored by the girls for being a boy. The last close friend I had from elementary school had just moved away the year prior, and I’d never felt more alone in my life.

I was a closeted gay kid still trying to figure himself out and hating who he was. I escaped to cringey online chat sites like IMVU and catfished as a girl, because at the time I thought the only way to get boys to like me and want to be with me was to pretend to be someone else, someone I actually liked.

When I think back on this era, I mostly remember the girls in my class obsessing over these three albums and singing her songs with each other all the time. I desperately wanted to join them and fangirl with them over her music, though of course they never gave me the time of day. I remember I would memorize so many of her songs and write them all down on a special notebook I kept. When I wasn’t paying attention in classes, that’s what I would do; scribble out a collection of all the songs of hers that I knew by heart.

To me, these three albums represented a certain kind of vivid fantasy. Taylor’s songwriting has obviously grown exponentially over the past decade, but even back then she was always so damn good at storytelling and detail, painting you a very clear picture of a scene and placing you right there. For a miserable, self-hating fourteen-year-old gay boy that was always seeking escapism from a homophobic environment, this was the perfect outlet for me to live out a different kind of life, to play pretend.

I honestly can’t explain what it is about her style of songwriting but she always made me feel like I was genuinely experiencing everything she was talking about. Things like kissing in the rain, riding around in the truck of the boy of my dreams in a tiny one horse town, shedding teardrops on a guitar that I definitely didn’t own, experiencing crushing heartbreak. This was stuff that my sheltered ass couldn’t comprehend.

Taylor perfectly captured that ideal, that small town girl with big dreams and storybook romances. I was in love with her discography at the time, having memorized pretty much the entirety of Fearless because that was my favorite of three. Middle school was hell for me, but her music was definitely something that helped me pull through, because she sent my imagination into overdrive.

This was a time in my life where I didn’t really care yet about an artist’s public image or the media’s portrayal of them, It was purely about the music for me. Of course, when looking at these albums now, there were a few questionable choices she made lyrically, I have to admit. Particularly with songs like “Better Than Revenge” and “Innocent”, both having aged terribly with the former being bafflingly misogynistic and the latter being about Kanye. As of my writing this, Taylor is currently in the process of re-recording her old catalog, and I assume that she would skip these two songs in particular, as well as several others that haven’t exactly aged well.

This era really got me through some tough times and she provided much-needed relief for me within each of these three albums. I’ll always have an attachment to them because of the bittersweet memories they represent.

Part 2: Red

Red I decided to put in its own category, because this was kind of a weird era for Taylor. Even back when I was an ignorant teenager that barely had any critical thinking skills, I felt the dissonance of this album and its Max Martin produced singles. This album represented Taylor dipping her toe into pop music, which she made abundantly clear when she decided to release We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together as the lead single.

I actually remember this moment quite clearly. She premiered the single at some kind of fan event that I believe was streamed live on YouTube, and either I watched it live or I watched the full recording of it later on. At the time I remember feeling it was kind of bizarre to hear Taylor adopt this style of music, because it was so drastically different from her previous work and it took me a while to adjust. Obviously I enjoyed pop music at the time as much as I do now, but I just hadn’t been expecting it to come from Taylor.

Fortunately it was just the three singles that were full pop, and the rest of the album still had her signature DNA and also includes some of her best work. All Too Well, for example, is I think one of the best songs she’s ever made, if not the best. I think if I were introducing Taylor to someone that’s totally unfamiliar with her, that would be my first choice, because it’s a masterwork in songwriting and emotionality.

I do think the thing that irked me the most about this album and era, even to this day, was the lack of cohesion. Of course I figured that she would eventually venture into pop music, but the way in which she did it just felt a bit too jarring to me. Perhaps if the album had a more even distribution of pop songs and country songs, it would’ve been slightly more palatable for me. It’s not even that the three pop songs were bad; they were quite good for their time. Though to be completely honest they’re the songs I barely ever return to any time I listen to Red now. They’re the kind of catchy pop songs where it’s difficult not to get sick of them at a certain point in your life. I’ve grown to really dislike the lead single, and even 22.

Her image was also starting to get much more scrutinized by the media around this time. I think this era probably marked the sharp rise of the “Taylor Swift has too many boyfriends!” argument people loved to throw around. I wish I could say I was smart enough to not buy into that shit at the time, but I wasn’t. While it didn’t bother me, it was something that I wondered about, why she dated and broke up with so many guys at such a young age. It was something that I judged her for. Obviously I didn’t yet understand that it was normal for people her age to date around. Plus it gave her some great material.

By this time, Taylor was making the gradual transition of country sweetheart to pop star, and while Red was kind of a rocky start to that, naturally she managed to pull it off. But not quite flawlessly.

Part 3: The Pop Era

Okay, I have a lot to say about these girls.

I think this era started off strong with 1989. It was a more fully realized version of Taylor’s little pop experiment, and it actually had the cohesion that I needed to be able to fully adapt to this new style she’d cultivated. She wrote yet another one of her best songs with Blank Space, which I like to think was a precursor to Reputation (and dare I say that one song did Reputation’s concept better than that album as a whole?).

However... Shake It Off. I’m sorry, I just hate that song.

WANEGBT, the first single off of Red, isn’t exactly the best song either but it made sense as to why she chose that as the first single. It was to signify her dabbling into pop. Reputation’s first single I also am not the biggest fan of, but again, made perfect sense as an introduction, but I’ll get to that later. Shake It Off, though? For the life of me, I have no idea why this song was the first single. Or to be frank, why it was even on the album at all.

I’m sorry y’all, I just hate it. Everything about it. The verses, the chorus, the appalling rap bridge. She should’ve kept that song in the drafts and released Blank Space as a first single, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on. Sorry Shake It Off stans, but I’m sure all three of you will get over it. ❤

That said, 1989 had some excellent songs, and I was finally starting to get used to Taylor doing pop. However, my excitement and enthusiasm for her music started to falter due to my weak mind at the time once again getting swayed by the media.

This time, I began to see Taylor as someone that seemed to be very calculated and conniving in the way she curated her image. Something that didn’t sit well with me was the “girl squad” stuff, and how all of the women she surrounded herself with were essentially these supermodels with unattainable beauty standards, and also believing the rumors about how certain famous women were given private requests to join Taylor’s “squad”. And then of course, the Kim and Kanye thing happened. #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty trended worldwide, and that was probably my earliest exposure to an instance of a celebrity getting canceled, so I was just happy to join the bandwagon. My opinion of her shifted like that, and it’s crazy to think about it now, how I barely had the capacity to form my own opinions and was easily influenced by everything I heard.

Despite me kind of joining the Taylor hate train, I did like Reputation as a concept. I liked how she disappeared from the public eye and came back being like, “You want me to be the villain? The snake? Fine.” Look What You Made Me Do, as I mentioned before, was the perfect choice for the first single despite the song itself being sonically....not the best. The music video and the line about how the old Taylor couldn’t come to the phone was an iconic moment in pop culture, I have to admit that.

I didn’t listen to the album as a whole until later, though. I was having my own hang-ups about Taylor that I think are silly now, but at the time when I didn’t like an artist I would mostly avoid their work. When I did listen to the album, though, I thought it was... okay. There’s one standout track to me and that is Getaway Car, and it’s the only song from Reputation I can say I fully adore to pieces. The other songs on there I either just like, or I find to be meh at best. (Also I know Ready For It is objectively a bad song but I really enjoy the chorus, don’t @ me, @ god)

A few years later, Lover happened and.... Once again, horrible first single. ME! is a genuinely atrocious song, and I have no idea how esteemed, prolific songwriter Taylor Swift managed to reach a point where she had a song with the phrase “spelling is fun!” in it. I feel the exact same way about this song as I do about Shake It Off. It had no business being in the album whatsoever.

As far as Lover the album goes, this came out around the time where I was kind of feeling indifferent toward Taylor (which is hilarious if you know what the first track on it is). I was much more politically aware and had learned not to put too much faith in white women, and I was focusing on other artists so much that Lover barely even came onto my radar. I listened to it once, thought it was meh, and moved on. I revisited it earlier this year and realized I was a bit too harsh on it the first time around. Sure it was her weakest album overall, but it wasn’t bad by any means. It was perfectly alright, and there were songwriting moments within it that were still quite strong. The title track and also Miss Americana comes to mind as standouts.

She started to become more vocal politically around this time. A lot of people thought it was too little too late, which was a fair point. However to me it made sense that she stayed tight-lipped about politics when she was younger, considering she was operating within the realm of country music. Plus, upon watching her documentary, it was pretty clear she had old white men behind the scenes telling her what she should or shouldn’t say, to make sure she maintained that all-American country girl sweetheart image. Still, I do agree with the people who thought that she should’ve used her platform sooner.

Oh and for the record, I think You Need to Calm Down is a terrible song. The video was cute, and the message behind it is fine, but I just hate it sonically.

At this point my interest in Taylor was probably at an all time low. The era started off strong with 1989, but it progressively got weaker. She just wasn’t really giving me much in terms of lyricism, and her pop productions were starting to blend together to the point where a lot of them were sounding very same-y. Lover to me marked the point of stagnation in her music; it was solid enough, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. We’ve seen Pop Taylor, she was cute for a while, but what else? Where does she go from here?

Well... She went into the woods.

Part 4: The Cottagecore Sisters

When I heard about Taylor dropping a surprise album, I suppose I was intrigued. She is one of the few artists that are successful enough to be able to make a move like that and cause a lot of buzz and excitement. I didn’t think much about it though, because my 2020 at that time was still inundated with SAWAYAMA and Ungodly Hour on repeat. On a whim, though, I decided to listen to it one day, not expecting much out of it.

Earlier when I was talking about her country era, I mentioned that Taylor’s storytelling and her penchant for detailed descriptions were my favorite parts of her writing. Her innate ability to transport me into other worlds, to provide escapism when my life became too much to deal with. I feel like these aspects were missing in the several years that Taylor focused on pop music. There were flashes of it in some of her later work, sure, but very few. She was becoming a huge mega superstar and her songs started to lose that sense of relatability that had been easy for me to latch on too. These things definitely contributed to my loss of interest for her work in general.

And then Folklore managed to bring me back to that place of fantasy I described before, but heightened. Elevated. Evolved. This is why I think that Folklore is Taylor Swift’s magnum opus.

Storytelling is without a doubt her strongest skill as an artist. To be able to construct not just a narrative but an entire world through songs is not something anyone can pull off. Throughout her pop era, there was always that something missing because I knew that she was capable of more. I couldn’t explain it well back then, but despite her penmanship still being commendable during those years, it still felt oddly lackluster. I knew she could do better, but I didn’t have the proof yet.

This is it. Both Folklore and Evermore showcase exactly what I knew she was capable of. This is Taylor Swift at her most creative, at her full power.

I think in a recent interview I watched (though I can’t remember which one), even she herself acknowledged how it would’ve been a disservice to continue strictly writing autobiographical songs, and so she decided to write from the perspectives of multiple different characters while also occasionally inserting herself and her life experiences into these narratives. She essentially created her own folklore and managed to make me invested in characters that don’t even exist.

I have to talk about the love triangle trilogy: cardigan, august and betty. It’s a testament to her songwriting ability that these fictional characters feel like real people. The story of Betty, James and Augusta/Augustine is just so well done to the point where I forget that it’s Taylor Swift singing. When I listen to these songs, I am fully imagining the characters she conjured up.

The song that I find the most profound out of the three, and also happens to be my favorite song on the album, is august. To me, it is the most heartbreaking song out of all of them. I relate so much to that girl who’s hopelessly in love with someone that just doesn’t give a shit about them and is merely using her for a summer fling. And it’s not even like I’ve experienced something similar to this in real life, Taylor just somehow made it relatable with the sheer power of her pen game. It’s even more heartbreaking considering we don’t know what happened to this girl, if she ever managed to find happiness, because in the Long Pond Sessions Taylor mentioned that Betty and James eventually got back together. They got their happy ending, but what happened to Augustine?

I can’t believe she’s got me this deep in my feelings over non-existent teenagers, I swear to god.

Just when I thought Folklore was going to be the end of this new side of her for a while, she releases Evermore in December, its sister album. While I don’t think it’s quite as strong as Folklore, it still delivered immensely in terms of lyricism, productions and vocals. Evermore’s release pretty much solidified the realization that I was basically becoming a Swiftie again, a whole decade later.

I was embarrassed by that thought at first, but honestly now I’m at a point where I don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. Taylor is too skilled of a songwriter for me to consider her a guilty pleasure. I just needed something to help me come to that conclusion, and these two albums did just that. She finally gave to me what I was waiting for.

Final Thoughts

I don’t really stan artists the same way I used to now, which I mentioned previously in my review of Chromatica. I don’t deify them or hold them to an impossible moral standard they could never live up to anymore. I see them as flawed human beings that have the capacity to make great art. So when I say I’m becoming a Swiftie, I’m still fully aware that Taylor Swift is a thirty-one year old rich white woman who is bound to have shortcomings and missteps as a person. In my mind, she hasn’t done anything drastic enough or stupid enough for me to become uncomfortable in listening to her work. I had my own ideas about how she could’ve been fake, conniving, manipulative or whatever else the media was trying to convey about her, but there really is no way of knowing who she truly is as a person.

Celebrities and influencers have the power to curate their image however they want. The relationships they have with us, the audience, are entirely parasocial, so of course we base our judgments of them based on very limited knowledge, or just the surface-level view of what they’re like. I don’t know if Taylor is as down to earth and genuine as she appears to be now, and I honestly don’t need to know. If she does things I disagree with or acts a certain way that deserves criticism, of course I’d still call her out, and depending on the severity of what it was she said or did, it might end up with me not wanting to engage with her work anymore.

But the reality is, as a person, I’ve realized that she is just fine. I was holding on to a certain idea of her in my head where I think at one point I dubbed her “the Anne Hathaway of music”, meaning someone that comes across too perfect to the point where it seems calculated and disingenuous. But honestly, I just don’t feel that way about her anymore. I don’t feel particularly attached to her as a person, either.

But I do feel an attachment to her music. At the end of the day, that’s where I’m standing now when it comes to her. I don’t have any expectations or delusions about her as a human being, and I’m not going to remain devoted to her if she does something dumb, but I believe that she is an insanely gifted artist who has written so many songs that genuinely speak to me and make me feel intensely. She lost me for a while, but now I’m right back in it.

So yeah, like I said in the beginning of the post, life’s too short to pretend to hate Taylor Swift. I’d rather just pretend to live in a mystical small town as a sad gay witch. And I’m at peace with that.

#taylor swift #taylor swift eras #folklore #evermore #swifties

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