#which is why i draw so much bigfoot

[dahldahlbills]

nano day 15

total word count: 582 😬

my main priority was finishing scene 9. which I did! I’m a bit clueless as to how scene 10 is gonna go, and I’m too tired to think abt it rn so that’s tomorrow’s problem lol

Officially halfway through nano!! Total word count is 21174, leaving me ~4k short from the goal. I’m hoping I can pick up the pace a bit next week. I keep telling myself that it’s fine if I don’t hit the 50k and I know it’s fine if I don’t. But being short 4k kinda stings lol. Like it’s right there. ah well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we still have 15 days who knows what’ll happen

thank you to everyone who’s cheered me on so far!! The encouragement is extremely appreciated :’)

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 7 thoughts

hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.

(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)

well. we shall start from the top!

i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge

(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)

we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.

back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.

(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)

well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.

so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.

he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him

he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)

he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!

so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true

anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.

the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.

he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!

the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.

coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.

you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.

i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:

"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"

(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)

she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.

that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.

mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...

but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.

and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.

cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.

next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?

he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.

anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...

she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.

it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.

(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)

at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"

i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.

but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?

but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!

he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.

here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.

mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.

mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.

so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.

the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.

probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?

but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?

and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!

and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.

overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.

let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.

[colorfullyminded]

Here's your excuse to rant about pinescone

Okay-- Okay, this is so ahhh. It's silly but listen!

I was playing Horrified with my family, and I love board games-- so i can totally imagine Dipper and Wirt being into board games-- and Dipper is always pulling out this gameTrying to be all charming and cute and like "Wirttttt- let's play this one" And Wirt usually doesn't mind, but just Dipper being so into this game even though he's probably actually met some of these in real life monsters himself. Though sometimes Wirt fights him on which game to play-- and it's not like in a "No, I'm tired of playing this game Dipper, I wanna play something else" The reason he fights Dipper over this game is because he wants to play this version (the original version)

Because horror movie monsters and book related monsters are Wirt's bread and butter so these two are arguing over which version to play until the next game comes out

And both of them just kind of look at each other like >.> <.< It's the best of both worlds! ....though they do still argue over which version to play sometimes, though if they can't compromise-- Greek Monsters usually is the happy medium and it's a coop game so they're working together and trying different strats, and when they win they get all dorky, and sappy, and mushy (Board games surpisingly bring out a lot of passion)

Anyway, I needed to ramble a little because I have all three games XD

And it's very fun, and this feels so much like Dipper and Wirt's cup of tea and I love the concept of them playing board games together cause you know they do DDMD. Lately, when I've been playing games, I start imagining how Dipper or Wirt would exist in the world-- or what character would they play as-- what weapons/style/class would they pick. Im playing Elden Ring right now with the though of making two separate files that would be based on Wirt and Dipper. Like I just love these two nerds playing games together-- board games or video games. They each have their own favorite genres that the other doesn't like-- but they also do have a lot of similar taste; and sometimes they'll play something their partner really likes because they love their boyfriend and want to make each other happy! They love each other so much! I'm so fucking feral for this goddamn crossover ship--why?! XD

((...That doesn't mean they can't be little shits though.

Lol, imagining Dipper not putting out for Wirt after because they didn't play the one Horrified he wanted to instead, like the little petty bitch he is Wirt: But we won, we always celebrate after a win Dipper: Yeah I know-- I just--- I don't know. I would have felt more excited if we had been stopping Bigfoot-- Wirt is, of course, not going to let his brat get away with this. ))

Anyway, I just-- valentine's day made me want to write more ideas of them playing games together, but I don't know how fun it would be to write characters playing this board/video game in a fic. So to the headcanon pile they go. If I could draw, it probably be easier to draw little sketches of them in the world of the game/their character designs. There are so many dumb little things I think about on a daily with these two.

[tangled-wires-and-a-dead-heart]

Here's a drawing of Eleanor! She's my little princess <3

There's a whole bunch of info on her + her worldstate under the cut!

(here's her outfits during the episodes so far!)

Info/headcanons for her:

She's an art streamer! Her favorite medium to work with is watercolors and acrylics!

She lives in a dingy studio apartment, an entire corner of this apartment is dedicated to her art- it's a huge mess.

She has a border Collie named buddy!

Her main income is from streaming but as a side gig she pet-sits (as in babysitting pets)

She's a huge animal lover and can't stand people harming/mistreating animals. When you get to know her it could be argued that she likes to talk with animals than people!

She's generally nice and tries to get along with everyone else around her no matter how they treat her. This isn't necessarily hard because most people tend to just naturally like her.

This does lead to her having a difficulty with developing relationships with a lot of people.

She can find it hard to grow past the friendly acquaintance/"friend that you talk to whenever you see them but don't really hangout outside of that" phase of relationships with most people (there are exceptions to this but this is how she viewed most of her connections with people)

This leads her to feel lonely even when she constantly surrounds herself with people (not that anyone would be able to notice unless she told them because she always has an air of confidence about her)

This whole problem is why she likes to talk with animals more than people, a lot of animals are fickle and are much harder to get along with than people are. It's just naturally easier for her to connect with animals because she has to work more in order to become closer.

(she definitely pretended that she was a cat when she was a kid- like she was reenacting warrior cats with actual forest animals-)

Her time in Scarlet Hollow has taught her a lot about relationships and how to properly bond with people and it's led to her being able to form closer and more meaningful relationships with people.

She doesn't even try to hide her gift in the slightest. People usually don't believe her anyways and besides it's an important part of who she is, she isn't just going to hide it just because others think that it's a bit odd.

Oh yeah and if it wasn't obvious her traits are hot/talk to animals!

She adores Dustin, that's her little drawer possum baby.

She's a huge believer in anything paranormal/supernatural because hey- if she can literally talk to animals, then who is she to say that Bigfoot or aliens can't also exist.

Stuff about her worldstate:

Duke's dead, Eleanor saved Gretchen. She felt Gretchen trying to slip away and instinctively dove for her. She feels absolutely awful over Duke's death though.

She spent Monday night at Stella's house

She told Tabitha about the kids sneaking into the mines

Rosalina lost her foot in the mine collapse. Eleanor really didn't want to leave a bunch of kids behind in a collapsing mine, it wouldn't be right. She also just didn't want anymore possible deaths to occur as a result of her in action.

On Wednesday she slipped away from Tabitha to go and hang out with Stella.

She told Stella that she should invite Avery to go ghost hunting.

Eleanor invited Tabitha ghost hunting

They both left the ghost in Oscar's house. She felt confident in her decision at the time because Tabitha was there but after the night had passed she felt bad that Oscar lost his job and both he and Rosalina lost their home. If Tabitha wasn't there she probably would've given her years to the ghost.

When searching for Stella on Thursday she had a conversation with pastor Daniel about their shared gift and about the situation with Tulip and the church's rats.

On Thursday she didn't go to Sybil's tea reading and while the "Canon" (as in the choice I chose in game) reason as to why she didn't go was because she didn't trust her (which now that I'm thinking of it- she is probably a bit distrustful towards her- especially after Wednesday) I think that the main reason she didn't go was because she just thought that she didn't have time for it- Stella was missing and no one around town had seen her. Eleanor really cares about Stella and she wants to make sure that she's okay first and foremost. (This is before the stone in the clinic takes over lol-)

Reese leaves the clinic without killing doctor Kelly due to Eleanor calming him down. She's just happy that she was able to deescalate the situation before anything horrible happened.

She was able to find Stella with the help of the dog militia.

She stayed the night over at Stella's again and started a romance with her.

[mattievictoria]

I’m happy to announce my first public post about a personal project I started last April in 2022: an illustrated horror novelette (a novelette at this point in time, at least!) about turn-of-the-(previous)-century lumberjacks!

Yes, you read that right, lumberjacks. I may have to sell that to some of you, so I’ll keep it brief: isolated wilderness, incredibly dangerous work, superstitions and folklore… Hopefully, some of you have stopped chuckling at how silly the words “lumberjack horror” sounds (hopefully). Why an illustrated novelette and not say, a graphic novel? I just hate drawing comics. I love *reading* comics, manga and graphic novels, but honestly I just hate drawing them, plain and simple.

I am serious about this though, and I’ve spent the last 16 months reading 100+ year old books on Archive.org, knee-deep in Lumberjack facts (shorthand: Lumberfacts). I even took a 2,444 mile round trip-road trip from Los Angeles to the Pacific Northwest, where my story is set. (I mean, I also went with my partner to visit his family that lives up there, fortunately they tolerated me asking about old-timey lumberjacks… and Bigfoot.) Some of the most helpful books I’ve read are Pinery Boys: Song and Songcatching in the Lumberjack era (which is a 1926 book by Franz Rickaby that fortunately had a 2017 re-issue) Holy Old Mackinaw by Stewart Holbrook and The Parish Of The Pines: The Story Of Frank Higgins, The Lumberjacks' Sky Pilot by Thomas Davis Wittles. I’ve also spent a lot of time researching the history of the area, including Chief Jospeh of the Nez Perce and the union history and influence that the IWW had on that region. And back to the subject of Lumberjacks (though we left the subject for like, a sentence), I researched the logging town of Maxville, Oregon. Maxville was a community of Black loggers and their families at a time when Oregon was still a Whites-Only state, and is today historically preserved by the daughter of a Maxwell logger, Gwendolyn Trice. I suppose you can say I spent SO MUCH TIME researching because I just love history, and everything I uncovered were subjects I either knew little about, or nothing at all.

So what is my story about? What’s the deal with the three-eyed black dog and the half-tree lady? In all honestly, a lot of it I’m still figuring out. That’s been the hard part of this project— I started with a setting, not a character or a plot outline. I’ve felt like I’ve been moving backwards, and a lot of the plots I’ve developed during the past 16 months I’ve abandoned. However, I finally feel like I’ve grasped something tangible that I can work with. I don’t want to reveal too much yet, but here are some concepts I’m working with: Isolation, the supernatural, folk songs and folklore, man vs. nature, forgotten history, and of course, the deep, dark woods. Two existing works that have inspired me so far are The Man Whom the Trees Loved and The Willows, both written by classic Weird author Algernon Blackwood. As for the art side, I’ve been exploring various styles and looks, but I haven’t really attached myself to any one style in particular. I’m excited to share more with you all as I work more on this project!

Thank you for your continued support of my work,

Mattie

[abyssalstrike]

please god i need to hear you talk about farmhouse raph i love him So Mucj.

OK OK i saw this a while ago but i took the time to rewatch the farmhouse episodes to refresh my memory and i took NOTES. So here we go Let me just start this off by saying that the farmhouse arc is genuinely one of my favorite segments of the entire series, and Raph is one of the main reasons why. When you really sit down and watch what Raph does throughout these episodes, you begin to realize that he's actually a really reliable figure- he tries to cheer up Donnie when he's bummed out about April rejecting him, and he's always keeping an eye out on Leo and is constantly encouraging his recovery, and he's also a little more indulgent to Mikey's antics. And yeah yeah I know "The Croaking" exists (the episode where Mikey runs away), but that entire episode, and the fandom's perception of it, is so wack that I'll have to speak on it in a later post or something because damn it just pisses me off a little . a LITTLE bit! just a lil. I will pretend it doesn't exist until then. For some examples, let's start with Episode One, Within the Woods. Of course, Raph watched over Leo while he was recovering in the bathtub for months. The dedication. The loyalty. When April brings it up, he brushes it off as no big deal. He just cared that much to take care of him all of that time. It's so sweet. And it's even sweeter when, at the end of the episode, Leo reciprocates that sentiment by never leaving his side when he was recovering from being turned into a plant. Love them. Episode 2, A Foot too Big. One of my favorite episodes because despite all of the second-hand embarrassment I get from cringe king Donnie (and the scene at the end ugh), it's actually hilarious. So Donnie makes this music box with his picture in it, and he gives it to April, who, of course, rejects his advances by leaving in the most awkward manner one possibly can. Raph witnesses this entire thing, tells him straight up that it will never work between him and April, and then enthusiastically suggests that they go forest training to help cheer him up. This is the EXACT same thing he did with Leo when he just woke up from the bathtub. Exact Method.

Pictured: Brotherly Affection (Donnie and Raph are SUCH an underrated duo it is a SHAME they didn't get paired off more often) It's also really cute how Leo and Raph are co-leading the training in the following scene. He's still a little playfully mean but he gives actual constructive advice to Donnie and Mikey. It's also interesting to note that when the duo is running away from Bigfoot, they only turn back to fight when they find Raph in the woods again. Here's another thing I noted. There's a montage of Bigfoot generally being difficult to live with, and at some point, she takes a fucking shit in the bathtub. Raph brings her, Donnie, and Mikey outside so that bigfoot can teach them Forest Stealth while he goes to clean it up. I am 100% certain that if this was the Raph from season 1, he would not have done that. I am so serious. Raph from season 1 OR hell, SEASON 2, would have reasoned that since Donnie and Mikey wanted to bring Bigfoot home, they should be the ones to take full care of her. He doesn't even get mad- annoyed or frustrated, sure, but he doesn't yell at anyone, he doesn't place unfair blame on one person- none of that. Later on in the episode, Donnie vents to him about how Bigfoot is following him around and smothering him etc. To which Raph remarks something like, "Now you know how April feels." He's so real. There's just so much I can bring up. The fact that Raph not once ever goes too easy on Leo when they train together because he knows Leo would hate that. Raph enabling Mikey to draw on Leo's face while he sleeps. Raph somehow being the only one to bring his grappling hook when they were all (minus April and Leo) kidnapped by the Chimera Turducken thingy. Raph and Leo playing video games together. And overall, I noticed his anger-fueled outbursts aren't really that common anymore either. He's just trying his best to make sure his brothers are okay in the ways he knows how to. My sweet angel

[thiswasinevitableid]

Spring Awakening (OT4)

The “continuation” winner was eldritch OT4! You can read as a stand alone but the first part is very good.  Mild content warning: the prompt does mean there are references to body horror. There are also references towards breeding, but none actually occurs.

Winter has never been Indrid’s favorite season; it’s cold, the first chunk of it is spent with everyone telling him to give thanks and be cheery, and his van always malfunctions more. 

Now he has a new reason: one of his boyfriends hibernates.

It was just after Thanksgiving that Duck told him and Joseph what would happen. 

“It ain’t a full hibernation; I won’t be dead to the world.” Duck’s in his human form, which he favors for serious discussions. Indrid appreciates this, as it’s easier to read emotion on a round, friendly face than an incomprehensible mass of plant matter and ancient divinity, “but when growing things go to sleep, I go with ‘em. I’m alert enough, even in my sleep, to make sure the house keeps standing and that you two are taken care of. Not to mention this big fella will still be here.” He tips his head towards Barclay, whose resting in his bigfoot form by the fire

Joseph had a number of follow-up questions, but Indrid’s main concern was whether Duck would want them to touch him or take care of him while he slept. Phlox poked out of Duck’s shoulders as he smiled and said he’d appreciate it. 

That’s why Indrid is sitting in a nook of their cabin, stroking approximately at Duck’s shoulder; his human form is all but gone, and his eldritch one seems to be melding with the wall of the cabin. A tingle runs through his fingers, as if he was running them over the tips of fresh grass. 

Barclay is elsewhere gathering his offerings, and Joseph has been on assignment for over a month. Indrid ought to go into town and check the P.O box before it starts snowing again. But he doesn’t want to leave Duck’s side, the warmth radiating from the core of his form. 

“I’m going to run some errands, sweetheart. I won’t be long” He leans down, kissing a dark patch of corn silk. 

As he pulls on his jacket, a voice in the air drawls, faintly, “See you soon, darlin.”

He stops first at the general store, Leo waving to him as he helps himself to the small shelf of arts and crafts supplies. Neither Barclay nor Duck can quite manage to make drawing paper, so every few weeks he buys a new sketchbook for his commissions. 

The post office is full of racks of pink, white, and red, all signs of the impending holiday. Valentines’ Day fascinates Barclay, and has promised Indrid he’ll do something special for the two of them, and Indrid’s fairly certain he spotted him trying to make snowflakes take the form of hearts.

He opens the P.O box, pulling out flyers for the dehumidifier store and the strange waterpark on the edge of town; they only have the box  is because the farmhouse by the field has no known address. And a tendency to move around from side road to side road.

Under the multi-colored fliers is a single postcard. It’s a photo of Lake Mendota, with a little, serpentine monster drawn on in pen. He flips it over with a smile.

Dear Indrid, Barclay, and Duck,

Madison is about how I remember it. I can’t say much about the case, other than so far I’ve been right about everything and the other agents lost a car to the thing we’re investigating. 

Indrid, you should come here with me sometime when I’m not working. Might sister keeps demanding to know when I’m going to introduce you, and there’s a lot of excellent places to get ice cream and baked goods. We could even bring some back for Barclay and Duck if we timed it right. 

I miss you all so much. I can’t wait to come home. 

Love, 

-Joseph. 

There’s a meticulously drawn heart after the name. Indrid tucks it safely in his coat pocket and steps back into the cold. 

—------------------------------------------------------------

The frost makes it much harder to feel the decay of the stray fruits and layers of leaves blanketing the earth. So much so that Barclay spends most of his hunting for offerings in town; the high school has something called “home ec” where students' attempts at cooking sometimes end in a trash can of burnt offerings. From the taste of the cake he just finished, the baker would have produced something stunning had they watched the oven more closely. 

Where his body takes in the decay in the deeper layers of the earth, he feels familiar footfalls and Indrid’s voice on the wind. He concentrates his being on the spot, taking his more mortal form in front of the bundled-up human. 

“Hey, little moth. What do you need?”

“I…” Indrid peers hesitantly up at him, “I was hoping you had some time to spend with me today. It’s been a few since I really saw you, and with Duck asleep and Joseph away-”

“Think I get the drift.” He wraps his arms around the human, resting his chin atop his head, “time is weird for us, so thanks for telling me.”

“May I say something silly?”

“Sure thing.” 

“I miss Duck so much. Which is ridiculous, and greedy, I have you and Joseph and that should be more than enough but it isn’t.”

“If we were interchangeable, you wouldn’t want all three of us. I mean, I miss Joseph when he’s gone for, like, a day, even if I spend that whole time making a pillow burrow with you. Pillow fort?”

“Fort.” Indrid mumbles against him, “I feel so selfish, wishing spring would come just so Duck could hold me, really hold me, again.”

“You’re not selfish, little moth.” He nudges Indrid’s hood back and kisses silver hair, “but I got an idea. What are missing most right now?”

Indrid hums, “The way he sort of...envelops me sometimes. Like he did the night we first met; heavy and comforting on top of me, touching me everywhere, like I, I’m something worth treasuring.”

“He and I sure as fuck agree on that part. And I think I have something that might tide you over until spring. Close your eyes for me.”

The human obeys and Barclay unfurls himself, his fur peeling out and away, his body spinning into its true form, mouths tasting the air, the earth, the leaves on the trees and the mushrooms sleeping beneath them. 

He wraps himself tenderly around Indrid, taking care to keep his head and neck free; according to Duck, humans tend to panic if you confine their heads. Indrid sighs as he registers the pressure of Barclay around him. Of his human lovers, Indrid is the one who enjoys being bound and trapped this much; Joseph adores when Barclay holds him down or cuffs him to a headboard or branch, but anything more than that turns the excitement in those blue eyes to fear. 

His hands find Indrid’s zippers and buttons as his pelt slides beneath his feet, insulating him from the snowy ground. 

“Ohhhhh it’s so warm like this.” Indrid’s muscles relax and Barclay clings tighter to be sure he stays upright. Peeling Indrid’s clothes off layer by layer, more and more of Barclay’s hands emerge, eager to join the fun. Before Indrid, he never gave much thought to the texture of his fur. Now his human presses and twists his body against it, biting his lip as his cock rubs along a patch of it. Barclay smiles and his mouths multiply, kissing up long legs as his hands grope his ass, caress his face, tease his chest in hopes of showing him how much he deserves. 

“That’s, that’s so lovely, I-OH” Indrid laughs, “what was that hand made of? It tickled.”

“Uh, like, mossy reeds? You mean this one right?” He rubs Indrid’s stomach and the human laughs again, much louder this time.

“Indeed.” He squirms as several hands find his cock, one thumbing the tip while another strokes the shaft and a third teases his balls, “I, Barclay please I want, I want…”

“Want what?” He rumbles.

“Cover me up all the way, please. I know why you’re, you’re being cautious but I’m not afraid. I know you’ll let me go if I ask.”

Barclay pushes his form up, cocooning Indrid and discovering instantly that this means he can now kiss his lips and cheeks, run his hands through his hair the way people do in the movies Indrid watches curled up on the couch some nights. 

Pleasure is an odd thing when his body is once formless and concrete, not nearly as straightforward as when Barclay is in his mortal disguise. The most sensitive part of him when he’s like this are his mouths, and so he devours Indrid with kisses, savoring each little memory and feeling they bring to his tongues. 

Indrid’s cries turn wordless when a soft, fork-tongued moth finds his cock and sucks hungrily. Human fingers cling to his fur and Barclay revels in the touch, in the pleasure of bringing Indrid this close, of being able to keep him safe, warm, and happy, all while he writhes in delight and cums with an adorable squeak. 

Barclay twists and turns his body through space, bringing them back to the cabin and depositing Indrid into bed. 

“I love you” Indrid purrs, eyes bleary with joy when Barclay removes the red glasses and sets them on the little stand Duck made for them so they wouldn’t keep getting lost. 

“Love you too, little moth.” As he brings his mortal disguise back, a single, green vine snakes up the bed and slowly tugs a thick, mothman patterned blanket over Indrid’s body. Then it picks up the mothman plush from the corner and tucks it into Indrid’s arms.

“Thank you, my sweet.” Indrid gazes towards Duck. 

The vine caresses his cheek as it retreats and the floor creaks, “rest up, darlin.” 

Barclay plants a final kiss on Indrid’s forehead, then goes to see if he can recreate the home ec cake without the char. 

—----------------------------------------------------------

First, the case took twice as long as anticipated. Then there was the deposition in a Michigan case from last year that finally went to trial. Finally, to top it all off, his flight was delayed for two days. 

All this is to say, the most pressing thought on Joseph’s mind is how fast he can drive without putting the car in a snowbank. 

When the “Welcome to Kepler” sign finally comes into view, he relaxes his grip on the wheel and carefully navigates into the library parking lot. It’s a half hour to closing, and the snow is a half-foot high on the book drop. He knocks his boots against the mat and crosses the pine-tree green carpet to return the stack of books he took on his trip. Since he has a few minutes to spare, he scans the new books shelf and the rows of romance for titles for himself or Indrid. 

As he stacks a copy of Red Hot Ranch on paperback of A History of Mysteries, he spots the new sheriff and gives him a friendly nod. The man gives him a tight smile in return and ducks behind a shelf. 

His initial return to Kepler after being tossed into the field as a sacrifice had been so shocking that the previous sheriff fainted when Joseph stepped into the room to explain why he, and the mayor, were being arrested for kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment. Joseph knows Duck needed the energy from the sacrifices, and that he let all but a few go, but that’s no excuse for non-consensually offering people up to him. 

After the arrests, he mentioned to the interim mayor that he’d be setting up a satellite office in Kepler, since there was a lot of paranormal activity in the area. Then he made damn sure that the tail they put on him followed him all the way back to the abandoned farmhouse and watched as he stepped out of the car and into the cornfield, the stalks parting to show him the way back to the cabin. 

In a way, the people in town are more afraid of him than of Indrid, in spite of them both surviving stints in the cornfield with their memories intact and then taking up residence there. He suspects they think Indrid–with his otherworldly face and aloof demeanor–is a god himself. It’s a fair conclusion, given that every tomato plant, pumpkin vine, and apple tree in town got an unexpected, final wave of fruit when he arrived. Which means they think Joseph is the only human in town able to walk with gods without fear. 

He sets his books in the passenger seat and makes his final stop; Indrid asked him to pick up a few groceries on his way home. He tucks a bottle of hard cider next to the toothpaste, hoping he and Indrid can split it tomorrow while watching horror movies on the bed (he bought them some solar cell packs, as neither Duck nor Barclay have much sway over electricity).

Before the field, his last time having sex while tipsy was back in college and not particularly memorable. The more drinking became a social necessity for his work, where he was already seen as unusual and too buttoned-up, the more he was careful to never let his guard down and enjoy himself, unwilling to give his co-workers fodder to further discredit him. 

The past October, he and Indrid had decided to take a picnic into the field and watch Orionid Meteor Shower, the evening still carrying traces of summer. Duck made them a dome of corn husks and sunflower stalks to eat under, the dirt turning to a carpet of impossibly soft clover as they sat down. They’d drunk something honeyed and definitely alcoholic that Duck made them and traded bites of pear cake Barclay prepared as the sliver of a moon rose. 

Dinner was barely done before they were tangled together on the ground, making out with all the excitement and carelessness of far younger men. Then Indrid was on his back, humming as Joseph sat on his face, laughing because it felt nice and because he could. By the end of it there was slick on Indrid’s chin and cum on Joseph’s thigh, neither of them particularly interested in fucking full-on when there was so much of each other to enjoy. 

Then they’d lain on their backs and the dome opened, revealing an infinity of stars as tendrils of grass stroked their hair and the clover turned to thick, soft fur. 

God help him, if the farmhouse isn’t around this next corner he’s going to offroad to cut his time getting there. Snow be damned. 

He’s saved from this poor decision by the familiar silhouette, and turns towards home. Once parked, he retrieves his bags and steps towards the field. The withered stalks try to bend, but can’t get far. Watching them, he understands the worry in Indrid’s voice the last time they spoke on the phone; knowing Duck is at a low power is one thing, seeing the signs of him weakened is another. 

As he’s wondering if he can get to the cabin from memory, a form materializes from the snow. 

“Hey, blue eyes.” 

“Hi, big guy.” Joseph tips his face up so Barclay can kiss him, a hint of winter bonfire and cardamom on his tongue. 

“Lemme get those.” Several more arms appear on his bigfoot form, taking Joseph’s things with ease. Walking close to him seems to stave off the cold, and furry, warm arm rests on his shoulders as Barclay asks about the trip. 

When they reach the cabin, the god sets the bags on the table and the suitcase on the bed. Joseph kneels down to the mass of glowing fungus and twisted plant life and takes the nearest vine in his hands, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. 

“Just letting you know I’m home.”

“Missed you, sugar.” The reply seems to come from the stalks rattling outside the windows. 

The back door creaks and Indrid steps into the main cabin; Duck built him a little art studio–complete with pencils and paints conjured from plants– so he didn’t have to always go into the one he teaches at in town. 

“Welcome home, pet.” Indrid drapes his arms over Joseph’s shoulders. There’s charcoal on his cheek, and Joseph wipes it away before kissing him. Indrid grins when they part, “I have some business with you, agent.”

“I hoped as much.”

“Barclay, will you be joining us?”

“Not as much as I want to.” The god sighs, “The freeze is deep this year, and on top of that, humans seem to burn themselves out on cooking and canning after the new year. So I need to forage a bit more tonight.” He kisses them both goodbye and then he’s gone.

Joseph unpacks his things in a hurry, knowing he won’t be able to enjoy himself with Indrid if the laundry isn’t in the hamper and the groceries aren’t put away. Indrid makes no comment other than asking what on earth can rip the tire off an SUV. As they talk, the domesticity of it all overwhelms him; a home like this with someone used to be no less out of reach than living in a cabin in a cornfield with two eldritch beings. 

“You know, when I was zig-zagging about the states I–oh” Indrid smiles as Joseph gently backs him against the counter for a kiss, “shall I leave the last bag for later?”

“Please.”

Indrid laughs, allowing Joseph to pull him to the bed. Then his grin turns wicked and Joseph is trapped on his back, his boyfriend calling, “Barclay? A moment of assistance?”

Black, fur-lined cuffs appear on his wrist, leather cord leading from each to the headboard. As Indrid fetches a matching collar from a peg on the wall, Joseph groans, “I haven’t gotten to touch you in weeks and this is what you do to me?”

“As much as I love your attentive touches” Indrid closes the collar around Joseph’s throat, “we both know that when you’ve been overwhelmed with work, what you truly need is to be taken.”

“Yes” He closes his eyes, lifts his hips and shifts his legs to help Indrid undress him. He’s still in a dress shirt, but rather than uncuffing him a moment Indrid opts to leave it unbuttoned and shove the undershirt up to kiss his stomach before retreating to remove his pajamas. 

When his boyfriend finally pushes his cock into him they groan in comic unison. Indrid rests their foreheads together and murmurs, “I missed you so much, pet. So much.”

Hands unable to comfort him, Joseph kisses his chin and jaw, “I’m here now.”

Indrid licks his lips, “So you are.”

His boyfriend takes his time, thrusts slow and steady while languidly kissing Joseph to capture his moans. Eventually his hand slips between them, rubbing Joseph’s dick. The collar no longer feels inanimate; now it’s Barclay’s hand, reaching across acres to close around his throat and remind him to be a good boy. 

When he cums it’s with a pent up moan from over a month without the attention he ached for. Indrid switches to quick thrusts, joining him with a little gasp. Once he pulls out, Indrid rolls over, only managing to wiggle his pajama pants back on before cuddling into Joseph’s arms. He pets his boyfriend’s back, tracing his fingers over his tattoos, and spots a single, glowing eye watching them from Duck’s spot. 

He hopes he enjoyed the show. 

Joseph blows a kiss. The eye winks, playful, and then it’s gone. 

—---------------------------------------------------------

On March 7th, Joseph and Indrid wake up to snowdrops peeking through the floor. Joseph says “that’s a good sign” as Indrid sprints across the cabin to where Duck’s form is looking more human by the moment. 

“Hey, darlin. Hey, city boy.” Duck shifts positions, sitting up for the first time in two months. Skin is always the last thing to form on him, so Joseph feels as if he’s looking at an anatomical drawing where the sinews are swapped for roots and stems. 

“Do you need anything?” Indrid’s hands are flapping as Duck yawns and stretches. 

“Nah, I’m okay for now, sugar. It’ll take me a few days, maybe even a few weeks, to be able to do much more’n sit here and talk. By the by, that tree in the orchard that the storm took out is gonna make for some real nice soil. Good job on the decay, big fella.”

“Thanks, man.” The rug by the fire yawns, pushing up onto many hands as Barclay’s bigfoot form takes shape, “feels like there might be more mushroom this year, I kept running into their mycelium.”

“That’ll be nice, gets folks out and foraging, which I like to see. Uh” his posture turns sheepish, “sorry, shouldn’t talk shop when y’all been missin’ me, but I always wake up with all this info about how spring is gonna go.”

“I do not care what you talk about” Indrid takes an earthy hand, “I’ve missed hearing your full voice too much.”

“And I, sadly, have to be at work in forty-five minutes. Catch me up at dinner?”

“Yes” the three respond as one. 

The stalks still struggle to form a path as he walks out. But when he gets to his car, crocuses bloom in the shape of a heart by the driver-side door. 

When he arrives home that night, Duck has hair and a thin layer of skin and as wrapped in a robe of new leaves, Indrid perched in his lap. Joseph takes up a similar position in Barclay’s lap, breathing in crisp air as his boyfriend nuzzles his throat. They stay up well past midnight, just talking, and Joseph is glad tomorrow is Saturday. 

He’s even more grateful for this when he’s awoken in the early morning by a yelp. Indrid, who was a moment ago on his side, asleep, is now being dragged across the floor to where the swirling mass of Duck’s true form is gathering in the center of the room. Even seeing it dozens of times, Joseph’s brain rebels at defining the shape as anything more general than “big” and “covered in bioluminescent patches to act as eyes.” At least he can tell that Indrid isn’t being dragged as he first thought; a tendril of green has his ankle, but he’s being spirited towards Duck by a carpet of small, purple flowers. 

“I, I thought you said you wouldn’t need this kind of, of intensitEEP” Indrid squirms as his clothes are thrown to the other side of the room, “for a few weeks, when, when spring started in earnest and brought your energy with it.”

“That’s how it’s happened every year for longer than anyone can remember. But this year, you’re here, sugar. You put more energy into me just from cuddlin’ yesterday than I’d normally gather in a month. Which means I’m fuckin’ ravenous and it’s time for my little offering to do his job.”

Indrid moans, body fully off the ground in the vines sprouting from the floor and ceiling. Reality bends and cracks so abruptly that Joseph gets a headache. Then Duck’s human form is standing their, studying Indrid. 

“You ready for this?”

“Yes, yesyes, Duck please”

The god takes Indrid’s face in his hands, and for a moment everything, even the air, is still. Joseph wonders what Duck is looking for, if he sees things in Indrid Joseph’s human eyes will never perceive. 

Even tied up, Indrid manages to lean forward and kiss Duck. When he pulls back, the god’s smile is achingly human in its affection. 

Then Indrid cries out as a tendril pushing into his ass, the noise muffled as another finds his mouth. Some of the plant matter pulls him to his knees, bright red flowers spreading out around him as another vine circles his dick and a fourth begins twining up his body.

To Joseph’s surprise, Duck’s attention shifts to him.

“Now, if I recall correctly, city boy, I ain’t shown you all my dicks just yet.”

“I, I cataloged five so far” His tongue is sticking in his mouth and his sleep pants are already a mess. As Duck prowls towards him, he seems to become more solid, more real, with every step.

“Clothes off. Now.”

Joseph obeys as thin, flexible tree branches extend from the wall to fasten his collar in place. Duck manhandles him into his lap, facing Joseph away from him, vines spinning Indrid to face them at the same time. 

The scene across from makes any porn he’s seen look tamer than a Disney kiss. It’s as if all the plant life emerging from Duck’s renewed energy is reaching for Indrid, leaves forming into hands to pull his head back, vines working his cock, binding his thighs to the ground, and tugging at his nipple piercings, while the main two fuck him so deeply it’s as if they’re trying to touch inside him. Tears are coming down Indrid’s cheeks and he’s thrashing with every thrust. 

“Duck? Is, can you tell if he’s alright?”

Hands the temperature of sun-warmed dirt slip around his waist to caress his chest and stomach, “Yeah, darlin, I can. I’ll feel if he needs to stop before he even has a chance to say it.” A kiss on his cheek, gardenia tickling his nose, “thanks for lookin out for him. You want me to show you somethin’ new?”

“Yes, please.”

The head of the cock slides in so suddenly he doesn’t get a chance to look at it. Staring down, he can only see the base, which resembles a hibiscus flower in shape and color. Rather than pushing into him, the base cups his body, and the “petals” begin undulating, stroking his cock and folds deliciously. The cock inside him feels pretty plain, though now and then it seems to ripple.

“I gonna get to get in on the action?”

Joseph’s head snaps up to find Barclay idly stroking his cock as he watches Indrid. 

The vines holding Indrid shove him forward, offering Barclay a much better view of his ass as Duck says, “you can have as much of Joe as you want. But just for today, ‘Drid is all mine.”

“Got it.” Barclay stands, “not like it’s a bummer to just fuck you, blue eyes.” A short, thick, rounded cock bumps his mouth, “open up baby.”

Joseph takes the cock into his mouth, the tightly packed bumps on it already each moving on their own. It’s a wonderful, novel feeling on his tongue and he sucks happily as little growls come from above him. The pressure on his own dick changes, speeding up and pushing him towards his orgasm. He tries to pull off and say this, but Duck holds his head in place, forcing him to keep the cock in his mouth.

“I know city boy, I can tell you’re close. I’m glad you’re havin’ fun, but you cummin’ ain’t what stops this.”

He whimpers happily and surrenders to his orgasm. He can’t see Indrid anymore, but Duck seems to have stopped fucking this throat, and desperate, ecstatic moans are coming from just out of sight. 

“Mmmm, forgot how good you feel, city boy.”

He finds Duck’s hands and squeezes them, snickering when flowers follow the path of his thumbs. 

“That’s it, fuck, you both feel so fuckin good, I’m, I’m gonna-” There’s a grunt like a tree groaning in the wind and then something bursts from the cock inside him, hundreds of disctint sensations, all buzzing. The portion on the outside of his body doesn’t let up in the slightest, and the shaft inside begins not only expanding but pulsing.

“Feel that?” Duck growls in his ear, “told you I had one that had seeds that’d fill you up and get you off at the same time. But that ain’t all” another pulse and Duck purrs, “y’know what it’s doin?”

Joseph manages to shake his head.

“It’s trying to keep ‘em all in and push ‘em as deep as they can go.” A hand slides to Joseph’s stomach, “heard all kinds of stories about humans gettin’ bred by gods like us.”

Words like that would bother him with anyone else, but Duck’s grasp of human genders is shaky at best, and he knows this doesn’t change how his boyfriend sees him. Also that Duck, would never actually do something like that without seriously checking with him first.

So he surrenders to the fantasy, spreading his legs wider to feel the base of the cock widen to keep everything in. 

 “Fuck, you like that blue eyes?” Barclay groans, “then once Duck is done I oughta have a turn. See if I can make it so all you can do is burrow up with me and let me take care of you.”

“Good thinking. We’ll both try today. Whoever’s takes, the other guy will get to put the next one in him. Not, not like I can’t make this cabin big as we need it to be.”

Barclay cums down Joseph’s throat, and the sensation is so overwhelming combined with the way Duck is fucking him that Joseph cums again, certain he’s squirted as well.

“Fuck yeah” Duck holds him down as the cock pushes deeper, “see, your body wants us to know just how bad you want this.”

“Yes” he gasps, Barclay holding his face up so he can watch him come apart, “yes, god please”

“Your wish is my command, darlin.” Duck moans and another wave of cum pulses into him, then another, and another, the vibrations finding all the right spots inside him and he cums a third time, helplessly crying out as Barclay tells him he was made for this. 

Then Duck pulls out and waves of something faintly blue drip down Joseph’s legs as Barclay cleans him and bundles him up into the bed. Indrid is limp in the vines, cum noticeable on the floor, and Duck scoops him up to carry him over, whispering all the while about how much he loves him, how amazing he is, how he’ll always take care of him. 

As Indrid curls against him, Joseph murmurs, “Was that okay? They didn’t ignore you for my sake?”

His boyfriend smiles weakly, “First, pet, do not underestimate how much I enjoy seeing you ruined. But more importantly, Duck was with me, too. A benefit of his nature, I would say.”

“No kidding.” Joseph kisses him softly as Duck and Barclay cuddle up with them, the whole house moving to prepare them breakfast and clean the floor. And when Joseph steps outside after a long nap, he finds the entire structure covered in spring blooms. 

[leseigneurdufeu]

Why did you hate Titanic?

It's not historically accurate. Not even counting my father's "hey that car only came out two years after the wreck" comments, many characters were not who they had been historically, I don't remember much but I have read at some point an article about Cameron being sued by the descendants of one of the guys because he had been a hero that night and many survivors wrote in their journals that they owed him their lives or something and in the movie he was a coward who killed two people to get out of the boat or something? Can't remember exactly but it's about the gist of it.

*sparkle emoji but i'm on desktop* sexual liberation! *same* this girl is so GREAT for ditching her whole family to go sleep with a guy she's known for two days top.

on that note, the general nudity and sex. I can get why it would be a very strong message to send to the fiancé that she's been drawn naked by her lover but a) they didn't have to show it onscreen, like Kate Winslet naked and all, I get showing the drawing if needed b) the whole "no no he was a real artist we didn't hook up when i came back naked he painted me" -> cue to the scene where he draws her and then they go out and hook up in someone's car (like wtf, gross, unsanitary, not your car, etc) c) kinda devaluates real nude painting (have a friend in art school who did some it's all about professionalism not a kink or foreplay like in the movie!)

the general message of "the poor people are happy, funny and nice VS the rich people are stuffy, snoby people who are unhappy, sexists pigs EXCEPT for this one new rich woman who is funny and nice but also challenges norms at every turn because otherwise she can't be a good person". At least that's how i perceived it.

to get back to my 2), because I feel like I need to expand on that one: the plot could have been good except instead of having a real choice between conformism, marrying a fiancé who is neat and nice but there's no passion and running away with the wandering artist, she has no real choice because the fiancé is the devil in the flesh or almost, he blackmails her family, he beats her up, he's got shady dealings with shady people (the heart of the ocean? can't remember if it's mentionned in the movie but this shit is a FRENCH national treasure stolen during the revolution of 1789-1790's and which was not found ever again so this guy has shady dealings) and he doesn't hesitate to try to kill Jake. So really despite all of Jake's flaws (like idk not being able to provide a future for her, being full of himself -but he's poor so it's ok! yay!- being a cheater and a liar, etc) she doesn't have a choice. And even where she could have had one (like... again, not sleeping with him after knowing him for two days, not using him to make her family rage, etc) the plot just makes her into no better than her.

On the note of the heart of the ocean, it is to french treasure hunters what bigfoot is to cryptozoologist. It's exactly as if Nessie had broken the hull instead of an iceberg and then it was never adressed again. Idk it just makes me vibrate in madness.

i mean yeah the whole plot, the nudity, french jewels reappearing out of thin air, the rich vs poor manichean dichotomy, did i mention the fact there are two actors (Theoden and the guy from the Flash) in there so it kinda broke the immersion but that's not on Cameron...

Oh, yeah, I remember.

The freaking "could they have both hold on to the door" debate?

It doesn't have any reason to happen.

Because Jake could have been on the door and rescued without a problem if Miss Rose here had not left the lifeboat where she was already seated to stay with him. Her stupidity (which, yeah, youth and all but when it has such consequences on the plot and it's not even adressed seems like they just didn't notice when they wrote it) costs the life of her lover!

The only way it would have been redeemed to me is if she really suffered the consequences after that. But we just learn that she leaves her family behind without telling them she's still alivle (which... fine, they're not the best. but still...) and fast forward eighty years, she still has the gem so we don't know how she had the money to live on her own after cutting ties with everyone? the big bad guy just kills himself in an unrelated accident 15 years later, and everyone dies death that are either stupid (killing oneself or again the fucking DOOR) or anticlimactic (of old age in someone else's boat, and to quote downton abbey to die in someone else's house you've got to seriously lack manners)

Also I don't like diCaprio's face in his young phase. I had a highschool friend who was always hyping him and all and I was like "meh he's not that good looking" and so idk maybe he's got a beautiful face no one could resist and that's why everyone's so stupid or enamoured or both around him in the movie but it really didn't work on me.

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Huey time uwu

one aspect about them i love: I see so much of myself in him with his little autistic quirks and that actually makes me heart so warm. I also just love how autistic-coded he is in general, because again, he just like me frfr <3

one aspect i wish more people understood about them: TBH I don't really know any ways that the fanbase might misinterpret him, outside of assuming that just because he tends to be the more 'responsible' triplet means that he's always a no-fun, no-breaking-rules-ever kind of character. Which would be so very wrong, this kid has his moments of being just as rebellious and wild and chaotic as his brothers can be. He's usually the one locking Gyro in a closet and was also willing to help hide a Bigfoot in the house. Sure, he gets severe tunnel vision at times, sometimes to the detriment of other people. But while he's definitely one of the first in the family to draw a line in the sand whenever things tend to get too out of control, he's at least willing to have fun with the rest of them up until that point. He just goes about doing things in his own way and has specific guidelines while doing it! It's the autism uwu

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: Did I mention the autism? I feel like I did. This kid is SO autistic-coded.

one character i love seeing them interact with: Heehee Booooyyyddd 😊💗 The babies~! Also just anyone in Team Science in general. Team Science is the best team.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: Also Boyd; seriously, writers, why couldn't we have seen more of them together >:c

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: I will avoid the obvious of going with a headcanon for him and Boyd and go with one for him and Gyro; before Tokyolk, he'd sometimes look over Gyro's work and (helpfully) point out any errors he might spot to him. This usually gets him kicked out of the lab for the day. After Tokyolk, however, Gyro at least listens to his advice and thanks him...before kicking him out of the lab for the day.

[ren3gade]

i totally forgot revelations ends with a guy getting chewed up in a paper recycling machine

mulder poutily asking scully why she never draws his bath is definitely a highlight, as is her COMPLETELY ignoring him lol

so this is one of idk 2 or 3 episodes where the skeptic/believer script is flipped and scully lends credence to some type of christian-related phenomenon while mulder is the skeptic.

evidently catholicism is too mundane for mulder. on the one hand, mulder's complete rejection of Jesus Magic, when he accepts pretty much any OTHER religiously-connected phenomenon, is human and you can fashion meta that explains why this is his blind spot, but the obvious doylian answer is simply they wanted to flip the script so mulder has to be as incredulous about stigmata and visions and weird anagrams as scully is about bigfoot on a skateboard

but bringing catholicism into the mix does raise some weird series meta because at some point, scully actually MEETS satan and recognizes him as such. lmao. (all souls)

anyway there aren't a lot of these, which is just as well because the vibe is kinda weird.

i think the more fringe sects of protestantism work better with the x-files format. i haven't watched season one's miracle man yet but i think i will revisit it.

i don't think the x-files ever went full pentacostal (not just healing hands, but snake handling, glossolalia, the whole shebang), but something in line with the creepier witchcraft episodes would have been awesome

also, real talk? protestant mega church culture is frankly terrifying. i think an episode where a conspiracy at a mega church leads to some divine intervention that is never adequately explained would be great. something sorta like die hand but with politically aligned-evangelicals who are, for the record, taking the non-stop flight to hell, they don't even get the customary stop at the gate to discuss the litany of sins, they just get dropped down a trap door straight to floors six or nine. don't have to check in or anything. they have the express pass.

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2022 - Day 6 - The Mothman Prophecies (2002)

Na na na na na na na na  Mothman!

Today brings us the second half of our traditional ‘The...’ double bill but both this and Boggy Creek are linked in that sort of cryptozoology world. At least, I guess I’d call the Mothman cryptozoology, I’ve heard people refer to it as a demonic entity which would be something entirely different. But I’m happy to say I enjoyed this one infinitely more than Boggy Creek.  I know this was down to a podcast as well that I had listened to last year talking about the Mothman mythos, I don’t remember much from it other than the idea of the Mothman being seen as this harbinger of doom, with sightings of it linked to disasters taking place nearby.

Which is shown early on, perhaps not immediately obviously so, when husband and wife John and Mary Klein get into a car accident whilst returning home from a house viewing. An accident seemingly caused when Mary gets a vision of a huge moth life creature flying directly at the car. During her treatment, the doctors discover a brain tumour that ultimately takes her life but before she passes, Mary begins to draw strange images of what she saw that fateful night.

I would like to take a moment to mention that I love how during that house viewing they break off to go fuck in a closet and when the realtor comes to find him, he doesn’t bat an eyelid and just continues his up sell without breaking a sweat. What a pro. John and Mary incidentally are played by Richard Gere and Debra Messing, which struck me as something of an odd pair, both in terms of the age gap and their usual acting roles, at least in my head. I mean, thoughts of Richard Gere normally turn to his pairings with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or Runaway Bride. And Debra Messing obviously is notable for Will and Grace which would have been in full swing around this time. I completely forgot that show came back again in the late 2010’s. I suppose there’s more to their respective filmmographies than comedy though, they do both have biblical credits after all, Messing playing a very different Mary in hers...

The idea that Mary wouldn’t have known about the tumour had it not been for that accident does raise the question of just what motive does this Mothman have. Certainly the movie would want you to believe that there are dark forces are work here but was this just a warning of sorts?

Two years later, John is driving through the night to an interview he is due to conduct as part of his job at the Washington Post, only to find himself way off track in West Virginia with absolutely no idea how he got there. When his car breaks down, he goes looking for help only to be dragged into a house with a shotgun pointed at him with questions as to why he’s been snooping around their house for the last 3 nights, knocking on their down and asking to use the phone at 2.30am. There’s definitely something strange going on in Point Pleasant.

From there the movies weaves it’s path through a series of strange events that kept me intrigued to see what would happen next and to what extreme this could reach. There was this real feeling of dread building up, that something disastrous could happen so any shot of a crowd full of people felt like this could be the big moment.

Like Boggy Creek, sights of this ‘creature’ are kept to a minimum but it feels like these events have so much more weight and impact to them to see how shaken each witness is, how people seem to be driven crazy from seeing this entity. It’s one thing to catch a glimpse of Bigfoot, sure he might be 7 feet tall but your mind can kind of process that, maybe it’s just a trick of the mind or it’s just an unusually tall person just hanging around in the woods for some unexplained reason. But to see this monstrous image of a humanoid creature with a ten foot wing span, to start having visions and to hear eerie predictions of death and destruction that end up coming true forces you to confront something other worldly and question something greater than your own existence. How do you live with the crushing knowledge that so many people will perish and yet you can do absolutely nothing to save them? Worse yet, any attempts you do make will either make you look crazy or implicate you in whatever does go wrong.

There’s one really lowkey amazing moment that hit me when, in amongst all the weirdness and tragedy that had befallen Point Pleasant since he arrived, John is in town and gets these looks from some of the locals. It’s only for a second or two and it’s not really touched upon further but it really struck me as he was no longer chasing the Mothman; he had become him. He was now this human embodiment of this prophecy of catastrophe. Whatever agency was unleashing this upon the world, fate or happenstance, it was like John was the catalyst for it all.

I really dug the atmosphere the movie had going for it, be it’s cold colour palette underlined the macabre sense of death lingering in the air throughout, or just this overbearing sense of forces conspiring to keep John in Point Pleasant. Even when he gets out he’s compelled to go back.

And cold is an apt word because, hey, this is a Christmas movie after all.

It’s cool as well when you realize the way things are starting to play out with little plot points established early then paying off. I’m not sure how well the movie would stand up to repeat viewings once you know how it all goes down but I suppose it could be neat to see if there are any things like that scattered throughout. At least that first time you’re still wondering what bad thing is going to happen, it’s like when you’re watching Casualty and you try and guess who’s going to mutilate themselves and how. I’ll take the farmer accidentally sticking his arm in the wheat thresher for a thousand, Alex.

My one quibble about the movie would be the strange transitions it has, more so in the first half of the movie, where it suddenly do a flyover of a forest before going over a power line and the camera inverts on itself. Just comes across as something you’d get in a cheap B movie.

I’m curious as to what the writers/directors were aiming at in terms of symbolism and what not because coping with loss seems to be the most glaring one, one that you hardly need to be a master psychologist to see, the sense of loss on a grand scale with these disasters serving as a backdrop to John’s own personal loss and the way he overcomes it. It’s shown early on that he’s not ready to reintroduce himself into the dating pool and by the end he’s pushed through all these hurdles, literally rejecting the idea of reconnecting with his wife, in order to pursue this other romantic opportunity. Although, this film must have a body count of like 500 people or something so whoever is responsible for all these craziness, there’s probably easier ways to get this guy to move on with his life that don’t involve the grisly death of countless men, women and children.

[bork-art]

I drew some more VERY SERIOUS Bigfoot sketches

[monarchisms]

Erlande my beloved help I’m sad and sad and wanna jump back into AH but I dunno where to start pls hold my hand and guide me ur like the ceo of this place

i am holding both of your hands right now

okay, so like, even though i've watched a lot of AH stuff from this past year, i can't recall every single thing i’ve watched off the top of my head. to make this easier for myself, i'll mainly look at the let's play and achievement hunter channels on youtube. from there, i'll recommend series from 2021 that are easy to binge, and then suggest one-off videos, some of which are longer than others :)

before i start the list, the short announcement video with BK and joe is really cute. show them your love and support on the socials!

here are all of the AH videos i really liked from this year [as of december 23rd, 2021]:

★ live action ★

challenged accepted (formerly known as “challenge finders”)

unruly rollers (a let’s roll miniseries)

go-op! (like the series “go!” but more cooperative)

between the games (not a new series, but it returned this year)

achievement hunter summer games in spring (their first video in person as a large group. very fun. very wholesome)

extra life 2021 (alternatively: a highlight reel of extra life 2021 made by rt themselves)

specific videos:

ready set show: fake british slang quiz 4

between the games: sumo x floor is lava on hoverboards and how we broke the ceiling

let’s roll: monikers with barbara + is this another HR incident? (title refers to the previous game)

chump: the face jam episode and the takeout crew episode

off topic: the halloween episode, episode 300 (more chill than 200 lol), the hot tub episode, and the rtx 2021 episode

also, this one sponsored video where jack and lindsay get a tank (from december 2020, but sshhh) and that one olympics video with ray

with many podcasts getting video versions and bonus content on youtube, i’d like to recommend:

red web: yorktown memorial hospital

face jam: road trip videos [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ] + this sponsored video

f**kface: their “breaks sh*t” series. not much gets broken (physically, at least) [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ] + geoff’s bike stunt video

annual pass: the rtx 2021 panel and their youtube channel. the channel was made in june, and videos started being uploaded in november, so there’s not much in-person content to recommend this year :)

★ gameplay and animations ★

AH animated (yes, all of them from this year. i couldn’t pick a favorite)

ocarina of time and super mario 64 randomizer (with michael and matt)

pokémon snap (with matt and jeremy) [ 1 | 2 | 3 ] + their pokémon stadium video

halo 4: laso (michael, gavin, jeremy, and alfredo)

gta v: the chungschwa videos [ 1 | 2 | 3 ], the cayo perico heist (michael, gavin, jeremy, and matt) and los santos tuners (matt, alfredo, trevor, and a rotating crew member, each episode being a different person)

minecraft: ya dead, ya dead season 4, ya dead, we dead, this capture the tower video they did with the other departments at rt, and of course, episode 500

hitman 3 (played by gavin as the other AHers watch and have a laugh)

play pals: the room series and cursed halo [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ] (this one’s still an ongoing series!)

specific videos:

drawful 2 custom game (with the internet’s geoff ramsey™. it’s from december 2020, but hey, that’s close enough to 2021)

50-turn mario party

that weird-ass bigfoot roleplay video (ky plays as bigfoot, and it’s as great as you'd expect)

march to madness: the 2021 AH wrestling video (as hosted by post team’s aaron)

mario golf super rush (the one where alfredo died inside)

play pals: getting over it (the second part that was only made because they joked that they’d do it when the first video hit a million views)

★ first-exclusive content ★

dead little roosters

camp betrayal

last laugh: season 2

let’s firt + an explanation as to why it’s called “let’s firt”

specific videos (and miniseries):

off topic: last call: episode 300

sims 4 cottage life (with ky, lindsay, and fiona)

let’s build (with ky, lindsay, and matt)

hades (with lindsay, matt, and alfredo) [ 1 | 2 | 3 ]

i... think that’s everything? at least, i hope it is. i started writing this at 2 in the morning, so there’s a chance that some of the links are broken or misplaced. if i got lucky and all of the links are good, then everyone is free to add their own suggestions!

[writethelifeyouwant]

Everything's Bigger In Texas

Summary: You decide to drive up to Dallas to surprise your old high school buddy, Jared, while he’s there for a convention.

Pairing: Jared x Reader Rating: 18+ Tags: J2 convention hilarity, dick jokes, only one bed, high school friends, spooning, size kink Word Count: 3,504 Bingo Squares: @spnkinkbingo - Size Kink

A/N: Not set around any particular season. For the purpose of this story, Jared and Jensen are both single, non-fathers.

Commissioned by: @jbbarnesgirl She had a great prompt that this has now spawned a sequel (which will be a member exclusive on my website)! Thanks for letting my mind run wild on this one babe ❤️

You pull into the parking space the valet wrote on your ticket and park with a dramatic exhale of relief. You’ve actually gone through with it and made the three hour drive up to Dallas to surprise Jared at his convention this weekend.

It had been years since your last high school reunion in Austin when you’d run into each other and wound up drunk in a Waffle House at three in the morning, stuffing your faces with bacon and french fries. You and he were the kind of friends that were awful at keeping in touch but time traveled straight back to junior year anytime you ran into each other. You’ve always been able to talk and laugh like only a weekend had passed between visits instead of years.

You hope Jared’s happy to see you, because you’ve been bursting at the seams with excitement since you came up with your ‘surprise’ plan.

The hotel lobby is swarming with fans and you wonder how on earth you’re going to find Jared in all the bustle. Your plan is to find someone who looks like they’re working the convention and ask for directions to Jared and Jensen’s bodyguard, Clif, who you hope to God remembers dropping your drunk ass off at your apartment after the Waffle House incident. It’s not a very elegant plan but it’s all you’ve got. You spot someone with a lanyard and a walkie-talkie and beeline toward them, fingers crossed in your pocket.

Twenty minutes and several tiers up the convention staff hierarchy later you’re finally led to a service hallway and ushered towards a door, Clif standing guard stoically outside it. The employee escorting you speaks quietly to Clif while you stand there awkwardly, rocking back and forth, toes to heel, in an effort to contain your nervous energy. A look of recognition slowly dawns across the bodyguard’s face as he takes another look at you.

“Austin, a couple years ago?” he asks to confirm.

“High school reunion,” you nod in affirmation, relieved he actually does remember you.

“No getting Jared drunk until after the panel,” Clif admonishes, aiming a thick finger menacingly at your face, and you nod gravely before his face cracks into a grin and he swings the door behind him back on its hinges.

“Y/N?!” Jared’s facing the door and spots you immediately, his face breaking into a wide smile. The anxiety that had solidified in your chest with each passing mile on your way here disintegrates, carrying the tension out of your body as it melts away.

“Hey there, Hot Shot.”

Jared bounds forward and wraps you tightly in a hug, the muscles in his arms visibly bulging the sleeves of his t-shirt as he squeezes you against him, which you can’t help but notice because your eye level is at his bicep. You hug him back as tightly as you can manage, pressing your cheek into his chest.

“How ya doin’, squirt?” Jared grabs your shoulders and manhandles you away from him so he can get a better look at you, his eyes racing up and down your figure. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, Dallas is only a three hour drive,” you shrug. It’s no big deal really, you’d just wanted to see him. “Plus my mom cancelled our girls’ weekend, so I had nothing better to do,” you grin, your eyes twinkling up at him wryly. Behind you, you hear Jensen snort with laughter. Jared turns to his friend, giving him a withering look and Jensen chokes back another laugh, unable to hide his amusement.

“Dude, you were her back-up plan after her mom?”

“Shut up,” Jared rolls his eyes but you join in Jensen’s giggles.

“I’m Jensen, by the way,” the man in question raises a hand in greeting, and you smile back.

“Y/N,” you wave. “Went to high school with this nut case,” you jerk your thumb towards Jared.

“Feels like I do too,” Jensen laughs. “He still acts like he’s fourteen most of the time.”

“Hey!” Jared points an accusing finger at Jensen, “at least fifteen, thank you very much.”

“And what exactly is the distinction between fourteen and fifteen here, Jay?” he asks.

“He doesn’t pop a boner every time he talks to a girl anymore?” you offer, snickering. Jensen bursts out laughing, a full bellied, joyous sound that fills out every corner of the room. Jared is rolling his eyes again, but you spy the faint blush that’s started to creep up his neck, and based on the smirk Jensen’s wearing, you think he’s spotted it too.

“So,” Jared draws out the syllable, trying to change the topic. “Are you staying for the convention then?”

“Got my ticket and everything,” you wave your pass in the air. “But mainly I just wanted to see you, it’s been way too long.”

“Yeah, it has,” Jared squeezes your arm affectionately. “Where’s your seat? I think we’re getting called out soon.”

“Oh I’m with the plebs at the back, standing room. Seeing your ass is only worth so much money,” you tease.

“You’re standing?” Jared’s brow shoots up. “You won’t be able to see a damn thing,” he laughs.

“You’re tall enough to see from space, Bigfoot,” you try to hit him on the head but he easily stretches his neck so you can’t reach, illustrating your point.

“She’s gotcha there, J-Rod,” Jensen agrees, strolling forwards and smacking Jared on the back of the head for you, since your attempt was foiled. “But you don’t have to stand all the way back there, sweetheart,” Jensen adds. “Come out with us, we’ll have someone put you at the side of the stage.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I really don’t mind standing,” you protest. You didn’t want to take space away from the fans who had paid for the close seats. You’re only a casual watcher of the show anyways, ghosts and monsters aren’t so much your thing, you just watch it because of Jared.

“Nah, c’mon,” Jared ignores your protest, striding back towards the door and popping his head out to talk to Clif. “Can you have them slap an extra chair on the side of the stage? Y/N’s gonna stick around for the panel.”

“Sure thing,” Clif nods, and radioes a volunteer to get it done.

“Jared,” you roll your eyes at your friend.

“Too late,” he taunts. “You’re stuck with the fangirls now.”

“Just keep in mind all the shit I could tell them,” you threaten jokingly.

“Nah, you won’t do that.” Jared’s entirely unconcerned.

“Why not?”

“Because then I won’t pay for our drinks tab later,” he smirks.

You mime turning a lock and throwing away the key. “My lips are sealed.”

“You better tell me later though, sweetheart,” Jensen ducks his head to whisper in your ear as they usher you out the door.

“Buy me a couple cosmos, you can know anything you want,” you smirk, and let Jensen and Jared guide you out to the convention hall for their panel.

“I will definitely take you up on that,” Jensen’s breath ghosts ticklishly over your ear. He shoots you a wink as he ducks behind a dividing curtain and you wave back giggling, and make your way to the seat Clif is pointing you towards.

The panel is a whole lot of fun, and you have to admit it’s definitely better sitting up front than it would have been fighting to stay standing in the sea of hormones jostling at the back. This close up, you can see Jared and Jensen’s reactions much more clearly, too; every secretive grin between them, every twitching laugh line, every aborted glance back in your direction. Laughter rings through the crowd and you refocus your attention on the questions.

“Which one of us is the biggest what?” Jensen speaks into his mic, asking the girl on the opposite side of the stage to you to repeat her question.

“Well I’m the biggest,” Jared cuts in smirking, and the audience cheers and giggles. Jared flashes them a bright, goofy smile.

“Well, that depends on what she’s asking,” Jensen smacks Jared on the arm. The girl tries to ask her question again but she’s laughing through it and the words come out garbled again.

“Which one of us has the biggest pants?” Jared’s brow raises as he incorrectly repeats the question again. You know there’s no way that’s what the girl asked. “That’s still me darlin’.” He turns to your side of the stage goddamn winks, and you flush just as deeply as the girl asking her question. You roll your eyes at him, glad that he probably can’t see you very clearly due to the stage lights shining in his eyes.

“That topic is still up for debate, actually,” Jensen protests seriously.

“No it’s not,” Jared scoffs.

“Uh, yeah, it is.” Jensen’s not backing down. “Costume department compared our measurements bro, they’re the same.”

“You and I both know that didn’t include the measurement they’re talking about,” Jared glares jokingly out at the audience.

There’s wolf whistles and shrieks of delight from the crowd and Jensen bursts out laughing. “You’re gonna give them all aneurysms, man.”

You certainly feel like you might be having an aneurysm. Your blood is pumping hot and hard through your veins. You can actually hear it swirling around your body, leaking out into your capillaries, carrying burning embarrassment and desire to the tips of each vessel.

It’s a running joke, the size difference between you and Jared. He towers over most of the people he meets, so it’s not unsurprising that he towers over you as well. He’s called you ‘squirt’ as long as you can remember knowing him, and you’ve called him every name you can dream up, from ‘sasquatch’ to ‘jolly green giant’.

As you both grew older, and Jared’s physique caught up to his height, and your mind started to take up a more permanent residence in…ahem… lower places than it had inhabited in your youth, you began to wonder just how big Jared would be if you ever… You imagine big. Proportional, at the very least. Though, Jared has always been an overachiever, you imagine it might extend to this measurement as well. You secretly hope, anyway.

You gulp nervously. There’s a reason you and Jared had gotten so trashed the last time you’d hung out, and that was so you could drown your burgeoning crush in some socially acceptable poison and hope it didn’t break its head through the surface. Jared looks back at you and flashes you a smile, probably in relation to whatever he’d just said but you hadn’t been listening, mind too preoccupied thinking about the size of your friend’s dick. You let out a sigh of resignation – you were going to have to get smashed tonight, too.

“Oh,” Jensen’s voice rings through the auditorium as he finally understands the question. “Which one of us did the biggest prank?”

“Uh, Jensen,” Jared answers after a moment of dramatised consideration, “just now when he told you all he has a bigger dick than me.”

There’s an echoing thud as Jensen smacks Jared’s head with his microphone and Jared and Jensen both double up laughing, covering their mics so it doesn’t reverberate around the room. When things settle down after a minute you see Jensen lean towards Jared to say something privately. The mics don’t pick it up, but you’re close enough that you think you hear him say, “later tonight, we’re getting out the ruler.”

The hotel bar is basically empty, but you and Jared are still in a private room at the back so he doesn’t get mobbed by fans if they do happen to wander in. Jensen had joined you for a drink earlier, but he had to leave to perform at the Saturday night concert for the convention.

-

“Do you ever perform on Saturdays?” you poked at Jared, and both he and Jensen laughed wildly.

“Never in a million years,” Jared shook his head. “I just watch this guy give everyone in the room phantom orgasms all night.”

“Gross, dude,” Jensen shuddered as Jared guffawed but you had to agree, Jensen’s voice was orgasmic.

“Have fun with your ménage a several hundreds,” you waved Jensen off with a giggle.

“You’ll have to join in sometime,” Jensen backed out of the room with a wicked grin, wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously and leaving you and Jared laughing behind him.

-

“You want another one?” Jared asks, pointing at your nearly empty glass.

“If I have any more I’ll have to crawl back to Austin,” you hiccup, the alcohol making you giggle-y and unsteady despite your seated state.

“You’re not goin’ back to Austin, squirt,” Jared protests, drowning the remainder of his own glass.

“Am I being kidnapped?”

“Damn straight. You’re not driving anywhere tonight, don’t be stupid.”

“I was gonna dry out a little first,” you defend yourself. Of course you weren’t planning to drive home drunk.

“By the time you sober up it will be way too late to go back. Just stay the night here,” Jared shrugs, indicating it’s no big deal for you to crash. You think about it for a moment and then agree that staying over is a better plan. Besides, Jared will have a big fancy room since the convention is paying for them to stay here – he’ll have plenty of space for you.

“Fine,” you sigh dramatically but you aren’t all that perturbed, and Jared knows it too. “Thank you.”

“What are friends for?” Jared grins. “C’mon, I’ll grab a bottle from the bar and let’s go upstairs. I don’t want to get caught in the crowd after the concert finishes.” You also don’t want to be mobbed by hundreds of concert goers, so you happily follow Jared out of the bar and up to his hotel room.

Jared flops dramatically onto his bed when you get inside, but you stand by the door, taking in your surroundings. As you’d imagined, the room is lavish. Every piece of furniture is accented with metallics, and every soft surface is heaped with pillows, including the bed Jared is now snuggling back onto. But, you note with a bit of surprise, there is only one bed.

Apparently fancy doesn’t automatically come with multiple beds – and why should it? Jared hadn’t expected anybody to stay the night, he’d only needed the one bed. Had he known there was only one bed when he offered you a place to crash for the night? Or had someone else brought up the luggage that you could see piled at the foot of the bed, meaning he wouldn’t have known what the exact sleeping situation would turn out to be? You’re jolted out of your frenzied contemplation when Jared throws a pillow at your head, though it narrowly misses and hits the door behind you.

“Are you just gonna stand there all night?” he laughs, eyes crinkling.

“Uh, no, course not,” you scoff, hoping Jared assumes the flush creeping over your skin is from alcohol, and not embarrassment. Jared scoots over to one side of the bed and pats the empty space he’s just created. The bottle of whiskey he’d brought from the bar downstairs is propped next to him on the pillows and it bounces as you settle yourself on top of the covers. You reach for it and peel back the foil cap, pulling the cork free with a pop.

“Wanna watch something?” Jared rifles on the side of the bed, digging for his laptop in the bag on the floor.

“Whatever you want,” you shrug.

You inwardly hope watching something might help you control your drunk chatter. Your mind has been wandering to one specific place since the panel this afternoon and you’re hyper aware that when you get tipsy, your filter becomes non existent. You do not want to give Jared an unsolicited insight into your horribly inappropriate mind.

Your eyes shift from the bottle in your hands to Jared’s laptop, now open and sitting on his thighs while he surfs through movie options online. His hands overwhelm the breadth of the keyboard, the pads of each long finger almost bigger than the letter keys they’re hovering over. How far could those fingers reach if they were… No. You curtail that course of thought with a swig of whiskey straight from the bottle and flick your eyes away from his hands.

Jared’s legs are pressed together, gangly limbs and knees scrunched up and pushing the fabric at his hips into ripples. An unmissable bulge sits at the apex of his thighs, distending the denim so it’s stretched tightly across his cock while it’s bunched and wrinkled everywhere else. You swallow hard and tear your gaze away, forcing yourself to look back at Jared’s laptop. He’s stopped scrolling now, and after a moment you realise he’s asking you if the movie he’s hovering over is an okay choice. You nod mutely and take another drink.

“Woah there darlin’, save some for the rest of us,” he laughs, grabbing the bottle from your hands, fingertips brushing over yours as he wraps them around the green glass. You wonder if Jared feels the same pang of electricity that you do when you touch. He’s evidently curious as to why you recoiled so quickly, because he’s now carefully studying your hand and the fingers that had just brushed against his.

Your moment of thick silence is interrupted by the fanfare of opening credits as the movie begins to play, startling you. Jared smooshes himself further back into the feather pillows on the unfairly comfy bed and stretches his arms wide, patting the pillow he’s using as an armrest to summon you to him.

Nervous and giddy all at once, you tuck yourself into the crook of his arm, curling up against his side. Even laying down he feels so much bigger than you. Your eyes drop again, unbidden, to his lap and you rip your gaze away quickly. The whiskey must be settling in now, because you start to feel sleepy and because, for just a second, you think that the bulge in Jared’s crotch looks even larger than it had a few minutes earlier.

Jared pulls you close against him, offering you the whiskey bottle again, and you take it happily. The two of you lazily glug more booze and laugh along with whatever comedy is on the laptop, and you’re utterly content. At some point in time your neck loses its ability to support your head and you topple it sideways onto Jared’s shoulder.

“You comfy there, Y/N?”

“Mm-hmm,” you hum sleepily, snuggling even deeper into Jared’s chest, your arm winding itself around his waist of its own accord, and Jared squeezes you against him, laughing softly into your hair.

You aren’t sure when you fell asleep – you don’t remember the end of the movie at all. You don’t even remember how you’d wound up under the covers, cradled snugly in the bend of Jared’s body. Wiggling a little to reintroduce feeling into your left arm, you shift backwards into his chest, secretly hoping the arm currently resting on top of the covers might drop around your waist as you continue to sleep.

Arching out to stretch your legs a little, you wind up nudging your hips back into Jared’s and you freeze in shock. Here, pressed close beneath the confines of cotton-swaddled feathers, you feel it… and you can tell – Jared hadn’t been kidding at the panel earlier. He must be bigger than Jensen, because there’s no way anyone could be physically larger than what you feel pressing into the curve of your ass right now.

Your whole body flushes, but you’re too scared to move away lest you wake Jared, so you stay. You try to breathe, systematically unclenching the muscles in your body from head to toe and allowing yourself to relax against your bed companion. Darkness settles around you when your eyes drift shut again but the light from Jared’s laptop still casts a faint blue tint against your eyelids.

That comforting blue morphs into a shocking orange, and your eyes squint against the unexpected source of light now coming from the open door. Seconds later it’s even brighter as the lights in the room are switched on to reveal Jensen leaning casually against the back of the door, smirking in the direction of the bed. Behind you, Jared has jolted awake, sitting up and pitching you forward into the mattress with the force of his disturbance.

“Jay?” he asks blearily, yawning through the word.

“Why did I have a feeling this is what I’d be walking into tonight?” Jensen answers with a laugh and a kind roll of his eyes. You look sleepily between both of the men, confused as all hell.

Finally, it occurs to you why Jensen must be in the room – and why there had only been one bed.

Part 2 now up as an exclusive commission on my website!

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[nightbringer24]

I don't think anyone has ever written an entire book about r4cs0, but that is mainly because he just hasn't been caught yet, so much of his story remains unknown. The earliest documents of his activity refer to him as "The Snake River Killer," a lesser known serial killer in Idaho in the 1970s. He dropped off the map until the development of the internet when he once again became (in)famous for his appearances as the "goatse" man. Then, other than Tumblr, his massacres of animals...

Several common theories also suggest that r4cs0 was living a double life as "Carlos Alburqurque," his own arch-nemesis. Most of his status as a "Tumblr famous" internet celebrity is attributed to his drawn out battles against Carlos. Thus, many people have suggested that he actually invented Carlos as an alter ego so that he could recapture some of the fame of his youth when his appearance on the "goatse" website and other cringe worthy activity gave him a brief 15 minutes of fame.

Several common theories also suggest that r4cs0 was living a double life as "Carlos Alburqurque," his own arch-nemesis. Most of his status as a "Tumblr famous" internet celebrity is attributed to his drawn out battles against Carlos. Thus, many people have suggested that he actually invented Carlos as an alter ego so that he could recapture some of the fame of his youth when his appearance on the "goatse" website and other cringe worthy activity gave him a brief 15 minutes of fame.

But even if we safely assume that the same person is responsible for goatse, Carlos Alburqurque and the recent series of massacres of animals in Northern Idaho, that still leaves a huge gap in r4cs0's history between his serial killings in the 1970s and his reappearance as a homosexual porn star in the early 2000's. Where was he for 30 years and why didn't he seem to age significantly during that time? I'm sure you are thinking the same thing I am: Bigfoot.

As I'm certain you already know, one of the best known Bigfoot researchers has written a series of books called "Missing 411" which examines the alarming number of disappearances that have taken place in national parks and national forests (including Northern Idaho). While none of these books has ever officially suggested r4cs0 is responsible, the author does suggest that the reader draw their own conclusions. And I think the conclusion is obvious. R4cs0 did it. Only he could have!

So we could write a book about r4cs0, but a lot more research is needed to connect the Snake River serial killings of the 1970s, the Missing 411 disappearances, the goatse website, Carlos Alburqurque and the current mass killings of wolves and geese in Idaho. Plus, we need to ask what role the state government of Idaho has played in the conspiracy, as they did enable r4cs0 by legalizing his preferred tactic of shooting the wolves from his helicopter, as he is well known for doing.

I blame myself for this.

But also... my guy, you're a bit unhinged.

Also tagging @r4cs0 just so he can see this masterpiece of madness.

[schmergo]

Weird obscure little rant here: There's this one particular conspiracy theory I've seen floating around the internet a lot lately that's a minor pet peeve of mine. There are a lot of more famous, major, and dangerous conspiracy theories going around right now, ones that are clearly anti-Semitic, anti-science, and doing genuine measurable danger to families and communities across the countries. But those have been extensively covered and analyzed by way more knowledgeable people than me (those articles are very much worth reading), and I don't think there's anything new I can bring up there.

The one I'm talking about is just skirting mainstream discourse and starting to become more widely known. It's the Missing411 'conspiracy.' The reason I put 'conspiracy' in quotes is that this isn't a traditional conspiracy theory with a clear bogeyman or scapegoat like some of the others. A traditional conspiracy theory usually goes something like, "[Group of people] are secretly [doing bad thing] so that they can [accomplish sinister goal]. but they control the [powerful organization], so nobody knows about it!" 

By contrast, Missing411 is super vague. It basically boils down to, "Mysterious disappearances are taking place throughout America's national parks and protected wilderness lands, and they fit a pattern!" There are hints among fans of this theory that the National Park Service knows more than they're letting on, but the extent of their 'involvement' doesn't seem really central here. The 'theory' doesn't come right out and explain any root cause for this pattern of events, just drawing attention to the pattern itself, though, once again, there are hints as to a deeper meaning. 

Here's the thing: "Missing411" is the brainchild of one guy named David Paulides who wrote a bunch of expensive self-published books compiling these cases. He's an ex-police officer (either retired or fired, depending on who you ask) who also happened to be super invested in Bigfoot hunting before he started with "Missing411," and, indeed, a lot of Missing411 stories do seem to point toward something... sasquatchy without ever coming right out and saying it. The other thing is that Paulides is the only one who can officially label a case a Missing411 case. A lot of people on the internet will say, "Oh, this sounds like Missing411," but Paulides is the one authority on which cases count and which don't.

Turns out a lot of 'missing person' cases in the national parks don't fit these criteria, and others that Paulides claim do are stretches. The criteria themselves are loose, and a missing person doesn't need to fit all or even most of them to be considered a Missing411 case. Missing411 cases include people who were never found, people who were found dead, and people who were recovered safely. Common factors in these 'patterns' include such vague terms as berries or berry bushes playing a role, being found near or in bodies of water, bad weather shortly after the disappearance, someone who is sick or disabled going missing, and someone being with a group at first but becoming separated from them after a surprisingly short period of time. And, of course, the fact that these disappearances take place in National parks and protected wildernesses.

Humans naturally seek and recognize patterns and make connections, but are categorizing cases in a way like this really helpful? I've seen people on the internet gleefully jump to this explanation whenever someone goes missing in a national park. Comments of "Google Missing411!" are common on news articles about this topic. I honestly think it's insensitive to the family members of the missing people who are looking for answers-- and misleading to those participating in the investigations. Currently, there's an incident going on in which a young couple was traveling cross-country in a van and visiting many National Parks. The man returned home with the van but without the woman, who hasn't been heard from in a few weeks, and isn't talking about what happened. Believe it or not, I've seen internet posters comment, "MISSING411!!!!" in response to this tragic story. A few months ago, a young man disappeared in Shenandoah National Park and his body was later recovered. I followed the case closely and the posts by Shenandoah National Park were full of "MISSING411!!!!" comments, despite the fact that it was very clear what led up to the disappearance: according to family members, a new medication caused psychosis and led to him driving in his pajamas from his home to Shenandoah (his family followed him there), crashing his car, and running into the woods, unprepared to deal with wilderness and not in good mental health. 

Like I said, I think this gleeful pattern-recognition is a little distasteful, but more than that, I think Missing411's eagerness to spot sinister causes behind disappearances in the wild is problematic for another reason: I think the average American has a difficult time grasping the concept of 'wilderness' and its dangers. We're used to everything being safe and convenient for us in our towns and, because national parks are popular tourist destinations, it's easy to forget that there are many dangers that exist in wild public lands. 

Inexperienced hikers often misjudge their skills and set off on trails too challenging for them and with inadequate water and supplies. Even experienced hikers can easily get lost or turned around-- and cell phone signals are usually nonexistent in national parks. Falls from cliffs, ledges, and waterfalls (mossy rocks near waterfalls are often lethally slippery) can mean injured people end up in inaccessible areas where they're not visible from the trail. A sudden health emergency like a heart attack, stroke, or even a broken leg can occur during vigorous physical activity. Abrupt changes in weather can change a pleasant stroll into deadly freezing temperatures in the blink of an eye. Dangerous wild animals like bears do live in the national parks. Although national parks are popular tourist destinations, these dangers are very, very real and can happen to anyone, and the parks themselves emphasize the importance of being prepared when entering wild areas.

On a darker note, remote hikes and camping trips in national parks are often a convenient way for people to cover up foul play (a few of the high profile Missing411 cases seem to fit this narrative). And, like the young man who disappeared in Shenandoah, many people who disappear in the wilderness alone are mentally unwell and, in many cases, disappearing on purpose. (National parks are sadly a popular place for people to take their own lives.) 

Some of the common Missing411 traits, like people being found without clothes on, could be explained by foul play but, more likely, it's a phenomenon called 'paradoxical undressing' that happens when you have hypothermia to the degree that you actually feel warm. Family members will talk about how a missing person is an experienced outdoorsman and unlikely to go missing, but 60 years of experience in the woods also comes with the health limitations of advanced age-- the 'mysterious' disappearance of a partially-sighted man with notable mobility issues might not be a huge mystery. Others, like the presence of berry bushes and bodies of water, points to basic survival instincts. Why so many disappearances in national parks? Well, it's a lot harder to be found in dense wilderness than in, say, an Arby's parking lot.

I've watched two Missing411 documentaries, which are easy to find on mainstream streaming services, and, while many of the cases covered are truly strange, some seem easily explainable by Occam's razor, and the selection of why some cases are included and others aren't seems bizarre to me. Some don't even involve a disappearance at all but hearing or seeing strange things in the woods. Some don't involve national parks or public lands. There are very vague hints throughout that 'Bigfoot type creatures seem to exist in the woods and use outer space or interdimensional technology to hide themselves from people or spirit people away, and the government might know about it' but nothing more than vague hints.

 Like I mentioned, some of the cases they profiled point toward foul play. The most prominent case featured in the original Missing411 documentary was about a little boy named Deorr Kunz Jr. who disappeared on a camping trip with his family... but there's also no proof that he actually was on that camping trip with his family... and the family's stories have some discrepancies... and even if it really was a disappearance from the campsite, the stories are that the grandfather thought he was with the parents and the parents thought he was with the grandfather.

 Life is often boring and repetitive and it's totally normal to use stories to make ordinary life more interesting and exciting, but the almost... gamified way that I've seen internet dwellers react to real-life stories of heartbreaking disappearances and deaths in dangerous and remote locations is kind of disturbing, and similar to the over-the-top fanciful theorizing I've seen from other, more insidious conspiracy theories. The idea that there's a secret 'other world' being hidden from us behind the curtain of society is enticing, but it can lead down paths as confusing and dangerous as the ones that real travelers get lost on in the wilderness.