#which made me feel like such an idiot lol silly me thought they were as into it as i was

[theflyingfeeling]

...💌

[inlocusmads]

Art credits: @/annalaura_art on Instagram

choices fandom shoutouts- day one @choicesfandomappreciation

Honestly it's been like.. more than a year since I joined the Tumblr fandom and I had some of the best time with a lot of people and I want to try and bring some of them up here now!

@cassie-thorne Max you're literally one of the first persons I talked to and I think you're super cool (scratch that, you're the coolest). Your art is just one of the best (open up shop, seriously, I'll pay five kidneys) and I just love how we used to geek out every Wednesday. (They aren't Wednesdaying anymore lmao). You're literally one of the nicest people ever and I still read some of your old comments because it's just chaos and just so much love and happiness. Thank you for being an active person in the fandom because I don't know how I'll ever get through the Crimes, Blades brainrot alone.

@jerzwriter Jerz, argh I absolutely love your thoughtful comments and your insight into things! And your writing - damn! You have this beautiful way with words with respect to dialogue and it's so witty and clever and just downright amazing. I've yet to catch up with a lot of your stuff lol, I'll definitely use my upcoming days off to do just that.

And plus - just impeccable music taste lol. I might actually get into Noah Kahan and suspend down forty feet into listening to Stick Season over and over and over again XD! I've always admired your way of handling things - be it with fandom BS or just life in general. It is just so fricking admirable, I'll be taking notes lmaoo thank you for staying in the fandom despite everything and thank you for continuing to maintain this extensive library CFWC of works with @lucy-268 in the fandom. It's tough work! I just heavily heavily appreciate it. (Now go play Blades! Trust me it's worth it!)

@mydemonsdrivealimo MJ! You have literally one of the best art styles - hands down and I just absolutely love the amount of thought you put into Jensen. You actually have inspired me to put out my own HCs out there, get past that reluctance. Jensen being ace might have actually made me feel so much better about writing ace characters too, because apart from a couple of ace MCs who were pretty unknown so to speak, it was kind of lonely. The queer discussions we have within our fandom has honestly inspired me to step out of my "shell" and talk about it more.

I also want to take a moment to shout out @peonyblossom and @gutsfics too because just talking about queerness through mediums such as fics and art and metas helps so much and makes people feel a little less alone. I also want to send another shoutout towards @jaredkau for their Aromantic!Tobias headcanon and Tobias and Ethan in this QPR which makes me just lose my mind in the best way possible. And can I just say I love reading your lil headcanons so freaking much?? Like?? They're just so good - they're silly, they're fluffy, angsty and just downright queer and it's given me a lot of encouragement to write more queer pairings. I've always had this plaguing doubt about depicting LGBTQIA+ because I'd think, "Man even though I'm queer, I don't think I can do a good job of it" and now it's gone with the wind <333 Thank you so much for this!

@lilyoffandoms Such a positive figure in this fandom, I'm so glad you pop up on my dash with your fics, boosts of encouragement and art! I think Lily's works were some of the first things I read on this blog - with the whole Crimes hyperfixation thing and I absolutely fell in love with their writing style and it's like y'know this subtle, clever way that you just catch onto the subtext faster than any of the idiots (affectionate) who are completely oblivious about each other's feelings. Thank you for being here, Lily!

@lovealexhunt Dani, thank you for lighting up my inbox with just the most beautiful positivity messages. They actually do help a lot! It gives me a reason to just take care of myself. Thank you for all your blood, sweat and tears aha on @choicesbookclub because you've just built this beautiful little town square for people to chime in their thoughts. It feels like Old Choices back again when I'd just come on Tumblr and scroll through what people are thinking about the latest chapter. Seriously, you do so much for the fandom, you might as well be its actual engine and it has brought so many people together. I don't think I'd have known some of the people I know here without you bringing the fandom into one collective space. Thank you so much for just about everything, even though thank you is literally the understatement of the century. I'm just eternally grateful to have been accepted and included.

@cariantha Honestly like - the TALENT? Ma'am save some for the rest of us XD! I remember coming across Cari's Pictagram series of her OH MC, Sawyer and my jaw dropped - like the edits were just absolute killer. Banger after banger. And her fics - omg - especially the one where they're stuck in an elevator and Ethan still manages to throw her this Valentine's Day party; argh, it has my heart. Just fluffy goodness. Cari's just too good man, too freaking good. Thank you for encouraging me to come back to OH, even though I'm still a bit iffy on that ground lol - maybe I'll do a replay and start from scratch, who knows?

I want to give a quick shout-out to writers whose works I NEED to get on! @starsarewithinme and @moominofthevalley because y'all are the reason why the Crimes tag isn't just completely dead XD and I'd love to get to your writing as soon as I can. @peonierose because I miss Bryce and Luna and their adorable little family so much. I hope you're doing well Peonie <3 @aallotarenunelma - it has been a long time and I'd love to dive right back into your It Lives works and it's literally some of the best, poetic, most evocative writing I've ever come across, ever. @starlight-starfury I HAVE to get to your Tyril x MC works and they're so freaking good! You just capture the "whipped"-ness of Tyril's character so well. Thank you for that!

__

Honestly there are a lot of people, I'll admit. I might even have to make a part two for the 'I'll-give-Da-Vinci-a-run-for-his-money' artists and 'baby-girl-i-can-invent-new-angsty-scenarios-you've-never-even-heard-of' writers that I missed out on in this post. But thank you for the wildest, chaotic and the kindest - if I can describe it that way - ride ever. I'm so grateful to be a part of this clan of people and we just gush out over pixellated people and make up our own stories because PB doesn't do that (okay enough PB jibes lol). Thank you so much for being at the very heart of the fandom, keeping this alive. You are all just downright amazing people and amazing is such an understatement. I hope you guys know that.

[ruishusband]

᧔ ˖ ࣪ 💋 ࣪ ⤹kiss the homies

⤷Rui Kamishiro and amab!reader are zesty AF. Just a silly thing sleep deprived me wrote!! NOT PROOF READ

Being Rui's best friend was amazing at first, but over time it became harder to just be friends.. you two would constantly flirt, trying to make the other blush. 'Its just a homie thing, guys flirt with other guys all the time as a joke' you swore, you SWORE you wouldn't get attached, that you wouldn't yearn for something so unattainable, but you did... the worst part? You didn't even regret it. Deep down you enjoyed imagining yourself holding his soft hands, kissing his face aggressively, resting your head against his chest as if it was a pillow... your thoughts consumed you, haunted you no matter what you tried to do to stop your feelings. But yet again, you didn't regret it.. you regret not regretting it, foolish you, using your heart rather than your brain...

You felt your chest burning up, it's so cold and yet you're so warm.. it was embarrassing you were overheating because of a crush. A faint notification sound, followed by more notifications, each getting louder and more aggressive. Your hand is slightly shaky and sweaty, but you presist to look at the multiple texts Rui spammed you. A faint giggle manages to escape your lips, a slight distraction from your previously overwhelming thoughts.

purple guy (theater kid edition): hi just finished practice lol, wanna meet up at the nearby cafe? lmk

Oh, that's right... he had practice. You felt bad for not coming to watch, even though Rui would always assure you that you didn't need to pressure yourself to go to every single practice. You replied quick, not wanting to make him wait any longer.

rizzmeister69: oh? my-my, THE Rui Kamishiro is asking me out? It's a date 😘 be there in 15 minutes

purple guy (theater kid edition): take your time my prince, no need to rush! I'll wait for you ;)

You chuckled, the voices in your head having a conflict of their own. 'God y/n pull yourself together you idiot! Stop getting so flustered over a text' 'OMGOMG OMG HE CALLED ME HIS PRINCE :3!!1!1!1'

You put on a somewhat lazy outfit, but you made sure to look at least somewhat presentable. You took your wallet, heading to the little cafe at the end of the street. You looked for Rui, and he wasn't there, which is ti be expected as the cafe was closer to your house than his. You took a seat, waiting a few minutes. You scrolled on your phone, mindlessly looking at tiktoks untill.. "My sincerest apologies, I didn't keep you waiting for too long, now did I darling~?" he took a seat beside you, slyly putting his hand on top of yours, rubbing circles in it. You had felt slightly sleepy these past few days, so his comforting touch made you yawn slightly. "Nah I've only been waiting for five minutes" you mumbled, slightly tired. "You should really be getting some more sleep, you know?" "Pfft, ironic considering thats coming from you" you tease, he faked being offended, playfully scoffing. You talked a lot, your feelings just became stronger.. fuck.. you were deeply in love with him.. "You okay? You zoned out, are you sure you want to talk, maybe you should sleep instead, it's fine honestly I don't mind-" you snapped out your thoughts as Ruis words hit you like a brick: "Hm? Oh- oh no! I, I'm sorry I just.. got lost in my thoughts I guess" he was about to speak, but the waitress came and took your orders, so he forgot what he was going to reply. You two kept glancing at eachother, awkwardly laughing when you both looked at eachother at the same time.

"Thanks for the date, pretty boy, I'll see you later" Rui winked at you, you forgot you joked about this being a date, so you just stood there dumbfounded.. he giggled, giving you a kiss on your nose. He left, but you stood there, shocked.. 'kissing your homies is normal, right?'

[hotsforharlow]

The Kentucky derby fic with drake and jack just does something to me LOL would you consider doing a part two where jack goes to drake for relationship advice if you guys are going through a rough patch?? - 🙈

AN: Hi, I hope you like this x

The first few months of the relationship had been complete bliss as you both got to know each other and you couldn’t deny the sex was incredible. You shouldn’t have been so shocked when things began to be not so great. The slight arguing had begun, and you knew it was because he was going to be on tour soon and you were scared. What if he found someone better? You had tried to keep those insecurities at bay as you snuggled back into Jack’s chest. You smiled softly at yourself about how life had quickly changed but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Those were the thoughts you tried to focus on when you watched him sleep so peacefully with his arm wrapped around you in a tight embrace.

Leaning in, you softly pressed a kiss to his forehead; your fingers moving the curls from his eyes before you tried to move away. “Where are you going?” Jack softly asked, his voice thick with sleep as he pulled you close. “Just getting ready for work.” You whispered into his ear as he softly groaned and those eyes of his fluttered open. You smiled at the cuteness he embodied, he really was too good to be true. You leaned in and pecked those lips before sliding from his embrace. “Y/N..” He whined and tried to reach for you as you danced away. You giggled and shook your head some more whilst wrapping a silk robe around yourself that he had gifted.

You looked over your shoulder once more with a soft smile before collecting your phone and moving down stairs. You swiped open the messages with your friend who you had been talking to through this bad patch. It’s better this morning. You replied and moved into the kitchen. Think we might be on a better track. You continued. You placed the phone on the counter and moved around the place that had become like a home so quickly. It was like things were meant to be. Your happiness was slowly coming down when you noticed the calendar and how close Jack was to leaving you. And you knew it was his job, which is why you had been silent about it all.

Sighing, you tried to distract yourself and moved around to make breakfast for you both. You reached for the fridge and realised a shopping trip was in order. “Silly.” You muttered to yourself and wondered how he’d survived without you. You began to make your way back upstairs to change before telling Jack you’d have to nip out. Your ears picked up his voice, you assumed he was on the phone and was about to ignore it when you heard your name. “I just don’t know what to do.” Jack whispered and you subtly stepped closer. “I don’t want to lose her but I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.” He continued to babble and your heart ached. Okay, so you hadn’t really been great at telling him what had been wrong and now you felt bad.

Drake’s voice came out of the phone as you peaked into the room to see Jack on loudspeaker as he moved to dress. “Well, aren’t you getting close to leaving for the tour?” He asked, nailing why you were so upset in one guess. “Oh…” Jack whispered, half way through placing his top on as it all made sense now. God, he was stupid. “Yeah, you are an idiot. Just tell her how you feel. She’s probably worried you’ll forget about her or something.” You listened to Drake babbling and hated how he seemed to know exactly how you felt. You slowly moved back so you wouldn’t be caught eavesdropping. “Jack!” You called out and pretended to have just come from the stairs.

“Gotta go.” You heard Jack mumble as you ducked down and tightened your hold on your robe. “Hey baby.” He whispered and wrapped his arms around you almost instantly. “You good?” Jack asked and stroked your back to play with the ends of your hair. “Yeah, I think we need to do some shopping.” You giggled out before burrowing into his neck. “Ahh, I knew I forgot something.” Jack chuckled and peppered your face with soft kisses as he kept you close. His hands moved to your arse and palmed you slightly whilst staying in your embrace. “Are you sure you are okay?” He asked again and you decided on taking pity on him; he was trying hard, you thought to yourself.

“I just worry…” You softly whispered into his chest before leaning away. “I just don’t want you to forget about me when you go.” The words easily fell from your mouth now that the flood gates were open and you felt better for it. “I’m sorry..I know it’s your work and it’s silly, really.” You began to babble now as his hands stroked your sides. “Shh, it’s not silly.” Jack whispered into your ear and cupped your face gently as he leaned in for a soft, chaste kiss. “Nothing that makes you sad is silly.” He hummed and stroked your cheek before his thumb moved across your bottom lip. Jack leaned in to peck your lips again and again whilst keeping you close to his chest.

“You know I’d never forget you. You're it for me now.” Jack whispered his promises into your ear whilst moving to hotly kiss down your neck. “Do you need to go shopping?” He smirked against your soft skin as he grabbed your arse some more. You giggled and shook your head at his greediness as you leaned for a soft, sensual kiss. “No…I guess not, if you aren’t hungry?” You hummed as he backed into the bedroom. His arm still wrapped around you and your silk robe was easily falling to your feet in one movement. “I am…just not for food.” Jack teasingly whispered as he turned you both around and pushed you onto the bed. He watched you bounce with a growing smirk.

He crawled up your body and hotly kissed up your stomach before capturing your lips once more. “I love you.” Jack whispered and locked eyes with you as his hands began to move south. Your body arched and your heart skipped a beat at those words.

[finniestoncrane]

Omg those Yandere prompts give meeeee lifeeee! Please idk if your requests are closed or if I ask for too much but like… G1, N1 and W1 with Dano!Riddler maybe we can get some of that good Hero!Reader in there? Do what you want tho and take a break if you need! I’ll love anything you put out.

Conflict of Interest

Dano!Riddler x GN!Reader, word count: 600 if my requests were closed i'd still write whatever you wanted, even if i had no fingers i would type with my lil snoot u-u i like writing the hero stuff, actually! i thought it would be difficult but it's going ok so far lol also sad anon, please i hope this was enough of eddie being an obsessive little idiot for you but i can always do more to cheer you up 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: villain/hero dynamics

Crouching in the back of the warehouse on the docks, you held your breath, trying to inhale and exhale as silently as possible, dead set on not being caught. If you could just catch him by surprise, be the one who brings in The Riddler, you could secure your status as a vigilante to rival Batman, or seem worthy enough to work with him.

You wanted to impress him so badly, to feel like you were good enough to share a space with him, to do the kind of good work he did. Which is why you had gone after The Riddler yourself. A stupid mistake. Because from the moment he sensed that someone was paying attention to him, Edward Nashton had been starry-eyed and obsessed.

First, the greetings cards, then the romantic riddles left at the crime scenes. And now he was following you back. And while sure, that did come in handy when the person who is always there when you turn around is the one you’re trying to capture, it was still unnerving to have to be on edge. He was a determined, weird little guy, and despite your best efforts, you were cornered, lured into a trap of his making.

“Here, kitty, kitty.”

He was searching desperately for you, and you could hear the irritation in his voice. The patronising tone made your blood boil. He really thought this was a game. You wondered if it was possible that this was his plan. To aggravate you, get you emotionally wound up enough that you would be easy to take down. The months of horrendously creepy attempts at flirting made more sense in that context.

“I know you’re in here…Stop ignoring me! I can smell you in the air, that specific scent. What kind of vigilante makes sure to have a signature smell? One who is desperate to leave a trail for me to follow."

Having a bit of a temper tantrum, you could hear boxes being thrown around, crates getting kicked. A loud crash followed by a shriek and a moan. Sitting still, you resisted the urge to run and help. After all, this could have been part of the trap. A few feeble groans, a weak plea for help. You were supposed to be the hero, you couldn’t ignore a cry for help, regardless who it was from.

Stepping out from the hiding spot, you followed the sounds of shuffling to find him, The Riddler, pinned to the ground under a large wooden crate, his leg crushed under a piece of it.

“Ha! You are here!”

“Is now the time to gloat, Riddler?”

You lifted the crate, his eyes widening at your obvious strength, cheeks blushing as he smiled.

“My hero.”

There wasn’t a single note of sarcasm behind it. He really was obsessed.

“You got my note! You solved the riddle! You came here, to be mine. You’re so clever, much more clever than you look.”

“Is that supposed to woo me?”

“Well, I’m hardly going to spit out ridiculous sentiments like we’re in a romance novel. What do you want me to say? ‘You’re my whole world, my Goddess. You're more than divine, you’re celestial.’ That doesn’t fit my brand!”

“Is it how you feel though?”

“No! That’s silly. But…I do think you’re pretty. And you solved all my riddles. There’s a connection there somewhere, even if you can’t see it yet.”

“You can tell me all about it on the way to Arkham then.”

He got up willingly, giddy even, at the prospect of getting to be your passenger. So much so that your nerves were on edge as he clung to your arm, getting into the car and sitting patiently. Smiling at you as you drove. Eyes trailing down your body, fixated on your fingers when they gripped around the gear stick, licking his lips and inhaling sharply.

It wasn't pleasant, but at least he had come easily. In fact, it was suspiciously easy to capture him, and it couldn’t just be put down to his crush on you. Something was definitely wrong, and maybe the connection you shared with him was responsible for the warning signals shooting through your senses.

[m4ruk4ts]

I love your fanart of Angie and Yao, it really surprised me （i mean i haven't thought of this ship before lol） what a pity that Hima didn't create a character for Argentina ! and I want to know more about your character settings for Angie, like which nation is her best friend and how she get along with her boss

LKSDFJLSDJFLKSDG?LSGJLDFG?DDFGDFH????DFGDFG????DFGDFGDFGDF????? ANON.............OMG.............THANK YOU SO MUCH............

i'm glad you're interested in my silly little hetalia oc that means a lot dlkfgjdflgkdjl and yeah, we can all agree that shipping an argentina oc with china can be a bit confusing, but hey, they look cute, who cares xd while i am planning on making a proper reference sheet for her (but i keep procrastinating like a boss) i can spare a few things about her :33333, so here's a little doodle of her and let's being!

main characteristics:

even though i call her angie, she doesn't have a human name yet, i'm still torn between many names where her nickname comes from, like; ángela, angélica, angelina, but i can't decide, she doesn't have a last name either, so it's just angie for now :c (boring, i know) (update: her human name is angélica russo gonzález, i finally made up my mind lol).

she's 19 human years old

her birthday is the 9th of july

she's 1.60 cm (5'2 ft)

her two curls represent the italian influence (she wasn't born with those, they kinda grew with time lmao)

her long and wavy hair represents the paraná river (south america's 2nd largest river)

she's blind as shit, but refuses to wear glasses or contacts (idiot)

^^^ that's one of the reasons why she has daily headaches

she's chatty and extroverted, always brings her thermos and mate anywhere she goes and is willing to share with others, along with snacks or food

^^^ she adores watching other countries reactions when they try her mate for the first time, it's hilarious xd

she can be egocentric at times, specially with sports, like any other argentinian (mainly football, of course)

it's unknown what football team she's into (not boca, river, but a secret third thing)

Gossip Enjoyer

her best friend is perú, and her all time rival is chile, but they get along :3

she's on good terms with everyone in latinoamerica, or at least, that's what she thinks (they all hate her /hj)

outside of america, she easily gets along with almost everyone as well. it mostly has to do with the big amount of immigrants that came to her land, which most of them were europeans, that's why she considers italy, germany, and spain (the majority of said immigrants) like part of her family, but a distant family at most

she. Does not care about her bosses, specially nowadays, they ruined her ://////

hopefully that's enough for you to understand her character a little more! if you have any doubts about her or anything in general feel free to ask! i love answering stuff like this dlfkdlg it's so much fun :3

[its-chelisey-stuff]

Love Between Fairy and Devil eps 1-10 (thoughts and feels!)

It's been a while since I made a post like this (and since I wrote one this long lol) but it feels right that it is about this drama. Because I love it!!! IT'S AMAZING!! I was suffering a drama slump and then decided to give this a chance, pressed play and now this has become my new personality! I love every second of this deliciously glorious, well-told, magficently acted and gorgeously looking drama!!

It's even more amazing because I didn't think much of it in the beginning. Right on ep 1 I couldn't see what they hype was, but then it all changed on ep 2. I was wrong about you, drama!!! Forgive me, Moon Supreme lol. Also, so many kisses!!! Hehehe I always love it when dramas get creative with these or touching between OTPs and especially those who initially cannot tolerate each other. And the fact that the kisses here are actually a tool for the plot to keep evolving is *chef's kiss*

The fact that this is how he was freed and simultaneously trapped to her forever, is so silly, but I LOVE IT!!

And how funny is it that this evil lord, the most feared and powerful in all three realms, cannot touch a single hair on the head of this adorable and kinda silly fairy unless he wants to suffer the same as her??? hahaha and then he just decides to move in with her to keep her away from any potential danger for them? Which in turn ended up being the reason he has come to care for her in a surprisingly healthy manner for the "villain" of the drama.

I love that the progression of their story wasn't rushed but also, wasn't totally a slowburn. Cause even if they're not together after 10 eps, it's pretty clear the foundation of very strong feelings is already there (even if on Dongfang's part is more of a possesive feel rather than actually love or adoration, I'll take what I'm given as long they deliver my favorite tropes lol). They were reluctant at first (he wanted to kill her hahaha), then they got used to each other's company (he was exasperated with her), then they started to understand each other (I love that he didn't pity her, he just told her feelings were gonna be a problem for her, and she had many of them) and then they became friends and he was actually worried and was sincere in helping her. Also, everytime he was there to save or help her, I was madly cheering and clapping. It made me so giddy.

But of course that domestic life wasn't going to last forever and I love that the pace of it was just right.

BURN!! It is now that I see the value in having the villain of the story as the man who loves you, ‘cause he’d be devoted to you entirely, but the hero would choose to sacrifice you...not a good look, Changheng.

I've never seen anything Esther Yu has been in before, but she's so lovable and cute in her role as Orchid. At first I thought she was gonna be one of those overly cute and annoyingly stupid characters but nope! She manages to do something that I think it's hard, because barely anyone ever does it right. Most roles like this I've seen in the past, end up looking like a grown woman acting like a five year old, which is odd to say the least. But Esther's Orchid is wonderful and smart, and of course it makes perfect sense that a lovely character like her is what has melted Moon Supreme's cold exterior. Well, kinda.

Meanwhile, our second lead suffers from the sterotypical stupidity that made me sure within 5 eps that he was not gonna get the girl (I know, shocker), even though he had her in the palm of his hand (despite the odds being against him after he erased her memories of him!), but was too much of an idiot and a coward to actually grab her and to not let go. Still, I do not hate his character. I mean, he's a genuinely good God which in a xianxia drama is like finding a unicorn. Of course, I think Zhang LingHe does a very good job, even though I don't like his character that much.

One thought about this whole drama and my experience with it that couldn't be more true, is that I've never enjoyed Dylan Wang or any of his characters, as much as I have in this drama, with his performance of the Moon Supreme. He was born for this role and I never knew he had this much talent in him, but now I know, and everyone else!

And now, to watch ep 11, ‘cause they just changed bodies hahaha

[freedpheonix]

Back to the Beginning

It was September. I was 19 and fresh out of a serious on-again-off-again 4 year relationship. I was devastated, we had a child together and we were really young and he had left me for someone else. I was vulnerable and lonely and just wanted to be loved. All I ever wanted was to be loved. I should have taken time for myself, to live and grow on my own... But again, I was young and dumb and had no clue what I was getting myself into.

I started texting a kid that was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade... He used to chase me and other girls around the playground and one day I had a shirt on that said, "BOYS ARE LIARS," and he said, "That's right, I'm breaking up with you." LOL. We were 10, it was nothing serious but definitely something to laugh about 9 years later. I had my own apartment, he still lived with his father. One of the first things he said was, "I love a woman that already has her own place." .... Like duh. That was my first red flag. Weird thing to say....

He ended up coming over to visit after work. I had 3 other friends over and he wanted me to walk him to the door alone but I was nervous. Something in my gut was telling me something wasn't right. The second he walked in the door he was already mad because I took "too long" coming downstairs. Anyway, I had one of my friends come with me and he got mad at her and made a mean comment about her following me like a puppy and said I didn't need a babysitter. She ended up leaving us alone and my brain was just screaming at me that he was bad. I wasn't comfortable, I genuinely felt like I was in danger. But I ignored it because, other than his weird anger that barely surfaced, I didn't see why I felt that way. He kissed me goodnight and left. From then on, he came back almost every night and eventually ended up just staying with me all the time. My 2 year old daughter was iffy with him. At first she didn't like him... I should have paid attention to that, kids and animals are the best judges of character... but she warmed up to him quickly.

When he was staying with me, he was telling his father that he was at his mother's and asking his mother to lie for him, which was weird but he had me convinced his dad was overbearing and wanted to control everything he did, so I let that go....

A few weeks later, he was going through an old laptop case that he had filled with several ounces of weed... He told me he sold weed and a lot of it. Honestly, I thought he was just trying to sound "cool" to me and didn't really believe him. I just thought he was a pothead... He told me he was going out hunting and would be back in a few hours. Later that night, I got a call from a friend that said he drove by him and he was being arrested.. He got caught selling weed. I had no idea how to handle that, I'd never been around all of that before.. I had smoked with my friends but never seen that much weed or been around criminals.. Everything in me knew he was bad news... and I STILL STUPIDLY ignored all the alarms... because I just wanted to be loved. His parents posted his bail and his mom made him stay with her instead of staying with me to make sure he stayed out of trouble. When he finally came to spend the night a few nights later, I had another red flag... He kept me up all night tossing and turning because he was sweating and in pain because he had missed his dose and was in withdrawal. At this point he had switched from Suboxone to Methadone because he said the 32mg of Sub he was on didn't make his cravings go away.. I thought I could change him and help him get better. I'm an empath and thought I could heal him... There were so many bad signs but his narcissistic claws had made their way through my skin and it was getting to be too late for me to back out. He was so good at manipulating and making me think there wasn't a problem and I was just silly for thinking so.

As I'm going back and reading this, I feel like an absolute idiot. I had so many chances to see how genuinely bad this guy was and I swept it under the rug. I could analyze myself and explain my childhood trauma but that's not what this story is about. It's about what I went though and how I got out. And I hope this story happens upon someone else who's going through it so they know YOU CAN GET OUT. IT DOES GET BETTER. ❤️

Stay tuned for the next chapter... ❤️

[staticl0ve]

HIIIIII STATIC I LOVE YOU SM!!!!!! FOR ASK THINGy THING: 3, 9, 16,18 AND a question I’ve got separate.

Whether for a one-shot or a multi chapter fic, what story of yours (if all were possible) would you like a sequel for? And why?

I LOVE YOU!!! ♥️🧡💛💚💙💜

BABY GIRL. I love you. You’re amazing. You’re sunshine on a light breezy day: the warmth, the necessary vitamin d it provides, and the light the flowers all follow.

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated?

If we’re talking hits…maybe Sunflower. I wrote it in less than 48 hours and it’s fairly short but I was inspired to write something for @dattebae before she started TMG. If anything: I wish I had spent more time building up the angst eheh.

For actual underrated cause I lowkey loved the premise: Baby, it’s Cold Outside. Connor as Vision and the reader as a Scarlet Witch type seemed like such a fun AU since there aren’t too many superhero AUs. I tend to write AUs since I get so tired of the cop coworker dynamic and there’s only so much sad homicide/drug cases I wanna explore in writing. As for this story: I really liked making Connor feel like Vision by channeling the awkward android from when canon when he meets Hank at the bar and finds him at the precinct.

9) Do you visualize scenes in your head before you write them? (Can you picture the setting, character body language etc)

Oh yeah! For sure. I’m a super visual person and it’s more I struggle with finding different ways to build a scene and I’ve been trying to picture the words as the lens of a camera. Like describing rain: how else can I say it’s raining? Is it water dripping down rooftops, puddles, cold piercing water droplets on skin or the sound of it? Things like car rides from The Pig and the Fox.

Streetlights passed by, distant orbs of gold stretching and fading across his cheekbones like falling stars over freckled constellations.

At this point I’m running out of ideas on how to describe lights on faces LMAO. I can see it in my head but it’s so different trying to find a way to say it that has some impact in the story. The chapter’s titled ‘Gravity’ there was a little paragraph about rocks trapped in orbit and how gravitational pulls would make it fall to Earth so I thought it was kinda nice to tie all these space themes together. (Also so cliche to call his freckles constellations but it’s also so fun.)

16) Do you have a method for getting characters to sound/feel in character?

I can always hear Sixty’s voice and that’s because it’s lowkey half of the shit I’d say that and it’s so easy to write a fumbling, idiot that’s funny.

Connor: when I first started writing, I’d listen to the movie cuts of the game cause I had no idea how to write him. Now: I try to hear his voice when I write a line and edit it to death if it doesn’t sound quite like him. He swears, he does use abbreviations but there is a formality to how he talks and it’s so hard balancing that.

Nines. Well. For the human AU: I pictured Henry Cavill’s characters LOL. Someone standoffish, cold, occasionally lets out a one liner that makes one do a double take and hot as hell. For android Nines: I try to make him arrogant and stubborn (in his mind: he’s always right). I know there’s fanon where he’s just this awkward, stiff, unfunny wall of a man and that’s definitely a valid approach but I find him more charming to have him experience: hot, perfect, white boy who’s never struggled a day in his life finally goes through the emotional wringer.

18) What's the most obscure thing you've researched for a fic?

For The Boy Next Door, or Nines’ story: You Drive Me Crazy, I had to look how what I thought would be frats for Harvard and learned they’re too fancy for that lmao! They have “finals clubs” and I actually looked into which one I thought Nines and Luther would join by reading on the list of the top most ones and Jfc this was all for TWO PARAGRAPHS of setup lmao. I felt so silly doing it but it made me happy to have that in there.

If you were curious: I picked Spee Club cause it seemed the most chill. But if I’m being honest: I judged them by the alumni LMAO. This one had the Kennedy’s and I figured: yeah that sounds like a good fit. But mostly the mascot is a bear and I felt in my heart that Luther would just be so amused by it.

21. Whether for a one-shot or a multi chapter fic, what story of yours (if all were possible would you like a sequel for? And why?

Dancing with the Devil. This one because I always wished I expanded more on the weird human only secret society the baddie made. I dunno if it’d be a sequel, but I wish I had written more for the story. The first chapter is SOOO short but it was the second fic I’d ever written and at the time 1kish words was enough for a chapter. I’d love to have lengthened the playful “enemies” to lovers so that there would have been more room for tension.

So not quite a sequel (although I do have a very sad/angsty one that I never wrote…) but a wish to rewrite it one day or maybe do a spin off.

[protagonistheavy]

I cant stress enough how annoying the OW2 PvE shit is. It's a kind of incompetency from a production standpoint that I just cant stand -- it's outright deceptive marketing, telling people for YEARS to get hyped for all this PvE content, only to pull it out from under the userbase's feet.

It was THE thing that a sequel was sold on. That whole animated cinematic with the giant robot and showing off new abilities and getting Overwatch together. Just a total waste of time now, huh.

It's fucking skill trees, too. Was that really too fucking complicated for them to handle? They couldnt just make a web of abilities and bonuses and let you have fun with them, they couldnt figure out how to do that in time. I mean seriously, it's SKILL TREES, every fucking video game has them, it's such a simple thing and Blizzard finds a way to make its users feel like fucking idiots for even wanting/expecting that much.

It sucks for me especially because for the past month I've been brainrotting about what PvE would look like. I was amped imagining all the skill tree combinations, the new mechanics, the possibility of a weapon system to totally change how heroes might play, the gameplay in which you'd get materials to craft upgrades, various items you'd find or bring along on missions... Of course, we get none of that, we get nothing. We get more Archives bullshit, just more linear straightforward missions of horde killing with a few elites.

I just look back and know now that I was silly to think we were getting a good product even at SOME point. How naive I was to not realize how the PvP content and battlepass clearly had all the attention/budget, leaving no time or energy for PvE. I mean lmao, stupid me, for thinking Blizzard could incorporate skill trees, when they showed it off in gameplay trailers and footage as totally functioning. Stupid me for not thinking "oh obviously theyre just gonna scrap this whole aspect of the game."

Disappointment doesnt even begin to describe how I feel. This is just plainly tragic at this point. The dreams back from Overwatch 2016 are just gone now lol. Such a great game with so much potential, wasted. I really cannot imagine myself playing the game anymore at this rate, PvP was barely keeping my interest as a time-passer, but now that the shine has worn off, even that is just dull and uninteresting. I was waiting for PvE, really thought I'd be able to re-engage with the game if I knew that was coming out, but if it's just going to be the same Archives shit with, what, ooooh solo player missions? Yeah fuck off. I wanted real PvE! I wanted to maximize heroes and obtain new abilities and discover fun combos and feel like Im active in the story of Overwatch! But they can't do it! Blizzard just totally dropped that ball and it's taken them years to come out and admit it.

All in all, I just really want to know why Blizzard hates Overwatch's story so much. Why do they constantly keep compromising it. For the sake of PvP? Do they just constantly worry that if they stop making content for PvP for just a little bit, the whole game will die? They put millions of dollars into Overwatch League only for that to effectively capsize within two years, but the most they can do for Overwatch's lore is a few shitty kids books over the span of years? And all these resources they made -- they had a whole fucking demo for PvE content in 2019! All that, just gone? At best recycled for more Archives bullshit? Fuck! Why even ass around and pretend you HAVE a story? Why not just say fuck you a little louder and scrap ALL story content, clearly Blizzard doesn't want to even be engaging with story content so why keep tugging us along acting like one day we're gonna get it? Jesus fucking Christ. How can they do this to their own staff? Making them work on so much bullshit that gets flushed down a toilet. Why even bother. Why even make these people go through the effort of even thinking about story content when it's plainly something that's never gonna happen. Oh my fucking god.

[penguin--person]

Beastnoch and vastgiver for the bingo please?

i dont know beastnoch as well as you do sire but i adore them!! esp your spin on them!!! ougg i really ought to read more of your fics sometime..!!! to me theyre like. silly. and goofy. ands illy.. so goofy... thyere so. messed up. but swag i think... i KNOW... so swag..

ive already done vastgiver But. you dont know them... not truly... so ill tell you about them!!:D u dont have to read this ramble of mine ofc, but, i wanted to talk about them with someone again and You said the word vastgiver to me so You get to unleash the horrors!!! it will be very ramble-y and incoherent hehe

vastgiver is my oc third vast attempt x my friend's oc lifegiver, hehe, both are iterators (rain world robots).. silly guys.. getting derailed already but. how wild is it that weve just!! been existing together for such a time!! like three years?? idk but. weve known each other for such a time!! n youve known fousek for that long as well... my boy fousek... Our boy fousek... wild tome...

so! vastgiver. tva, my beloved asshole tva, and lifegiver talked one time before meeting puppet to puppet. it was just your normal chat, asking about how lifegivers doing and what his whole deal is. a budding friendship, perhaps..? WRONG. tva then tried to kill his local group (comprised of two other iterator ocs of mine) (bg gave him access to their security systems, for reasons that would take long ot explain, which if youre interested in i would tell you but this is a vastgiver post hehe, and, then once tva had that access, he turned off their water supply, for funsies! bg and ui share their can), who then sent out an emergency broadcast all 'AHH HELP WERE BEING KILLED' and of course many iterators heard that. two other iterators from my friends went over to ui and bgs can to help them, and one other friend's oc went over to tva's can to laugh at him. and then lifegiver.

lifegiver made his presence very much known. he started drilling through tva's can with a gigantic mechanical beast, which is like, imagine someone drilling through you. imagine meeting your partner like that. lifey was especially mad because tva's doings reminded him of a personal experience he had with his local group.

he was soo angry, and, eventually, drilled his way into tva's chamber (where his puppet/body resides). he came out of his beast, yelled at tva and my other friends oc (who he was also angry at bc vivi wasnt helping at all and was rather annoying) a bit and then STABBED tva through the head!!! imapled him!!! and then tva umm. hehe. the first bud of their romance sprouted

'Itd be super hot if we kissed right now' my guy theres blood all over you and lifey is gonna for sure stab you again. tvas thought process was 'hey if hes gonna kil me i can at least make him feel as uncomfortable as possible' . anyway. this startled lifey. he didn't expect this, naturally.

'Your poncho is quite fashionable' yea sure tva whatever just die already. then lifey says 'you disgust me so much i hate you just fucking die id kill you right now i will kill you' . and at this point tva was so intrigued by lifey that he said, hey, if you let me live i'll umm not kill those two! how does that sound . and ofc lifey said Yes. so 👍they tva used this as a way to convince lifey to stay and talk with him a bit. and they talk. not about feelings but like, how cool and swag lifegiver is, tva praises him a whole bunch . n then tva is like Hey my can will collapse anyway from the damage youve done lol, and lifey fucking!!! says that his friend could fix him!!! like tva is just like 'ohhhh youre so swag and a hot babe youre so swag' and lifey already starts to get feelings for him . hilarious to me. of course this meant nothing to tva in the moment. then, uh oh, tva has lost too much blood! lifey goes over to him n just, holds him and chats with him as this puppet of his dies, ea comes and is like Hey i stole your fucking ball idiot. and tva goes nooo not my ball!! and dies. and lifey is sad about it.. holds his puppet so gently.. then ofc tva had other puppets prepared, so, he just woke up in another one, went back to lifey, hung out with him some more, their bond deepened, lifey even fuckinggg said 'i love you' !!!! im not kididng you.. tva calls lifey all kinds of silly nicknames, one of them being 'lifey wifey' which makes lifey almost as mad as he was when threatening to kill him. n then they nap for two cycles and lifey has to leave.

and then umm. 👍well tva's can falls . he sends out a broadcast which is him going FUCK THIS SUCKS. LIFEY HELP n lifey Does help he comes over to the wreckage of his can and ressurects him and tva realizes, oh, this loser really does love me, huh. n cries and sobs and they hug and hehe lifey takes her to his can:3 so that she'd be safe from danger .. then they go on a silly little date where they KISSY

they KISSY!!! and tva also met lifeys little brother.. n before that she also met some of his slugs, which lifey introduced tva to as his 'mate' bc he didnt know how else to, bc that was the only yword the slugs iunderstood, and hee theyre so silly tva was teasing him so much the whole time even before that. this is al happening in like the span of 30 cycles btw. which is, like 30 days, say. can oyu believe this.

after that umm they go back home and lifey says that hes prepared a room for tva in his city and tva says he'll find it himself and hes like Fuck Fuck Fuck this guy really cares for me Fuck so he goes and rips out a part of his core.👍gives himself a little ol lobotomy... to forget he ever did anything wrong.. lifeys overseer sees but doesnt act immediatly. tva has a litlte ol nap.

and man i really like what comes next. so. lifey after a few cycles goes and cuddles with tva, tells him ohh i love you so much. and he knows what tva did t this point, or suspects, at least. and tva is sooo happy. n then lifey touches his ribcage and notices its been opened n is like. hey did you open your ribcage. and tva goes haha no. n lifey displays the overseer photos and goes what the fuck is this then. huh. complete shift in tone. i love him. umm then they fight🧡this small arc ends with lifey getting tva another core.

then uhh . um. hehe. uhh. they fight bc its revealed to the publc that lifey saved tva. and lifey is upset about this ofc. and tva comes to visit him, they fight, lthey both ell a bunch ateach other, tva storms out but then storms back in n shows his core and yells If you really hate me that much then just destroy my core and kill me!! and umm . lifey damages his own puppet severely👍tva manages to fix him . n umm . stuff happens, lifey gets sad and tva proposes to make him feel better. were at 60 cycles at most here, dude. two months.

lifye says yes and!! thast whats happening in the rp rn:D!!! tvheyre getting married!!!! dude theyre getting married!!! in the middle of the vwedding tva just. fucking. fucked it up. "hey what if you wanna divorce me later. what if i kill again. what if i told you i liked killing them. haha jk. unless." but theyve resolved it👍

believe it or not but this isnt all of their lore, just the significant events id say

[xhanisai]

3, 9, 13 (👀) for the writer ask game!

Love how I just saw this ask now lol! Anyways, let's go~

3 - What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

I have already designed prototype designs for this idea years ago and am hoping to start writing it this year. It's where Adrien ends up with the butterfly miraculous and Gabriel with the black cat miraculous.

In this AU, Marinette is an orphan who lost her family as a newborn and doesn't know her real family name thanks to the horrible guardian she has. She is given the Ladybug miraculous and becomes a heroine that fights against the peacock holder.

Adrien is currently adopted by Nathalie and Gorilla (the former is a lawyer and the latter is a bodyguard). He ended up with them after an incident between Gabriel and Emilie which caused the demise of the woman. He at first is a bit of an antihero with the butterfly miraculous, looking for Gabriel for revenge because he believes the man killed his mother.

Gabriel Agreste is currently a taxi driver in Paris, using a pseudonym and trying his best to live the humble life he has. Once he receives the black cat miraculous, he reluctantly becomes a hero. He just wants to be left alone.

9 - What’s your favourite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

I have so many, to be honest. I've written so much crap it's hard to think which ones are my favourites. Here's a bunch:

'If she thought that it was hard enough to keep her composure around her partner whilst he was trying to woo her (unaware that he already has her completely wrapped around his finger along with his name branded on her beating heart) then she was an absolute idiot. 

 The minute that Nino Fucking-Can't-Keep-A-Secret Lahiffe opened his big mouth and casually let slip towards his best friend that her feelings towards the feline in disguise was one hundred percent mutual...Marinette was fucked. '

^ Let me show you 'cause talk is cheap

"Oh! A-A-Adrien!?"

 "M-M-Marinette! You there- I mean hey there! Hahah...longtimenosee-"

 Not too far away, Alya and Nino watched the scene before them with exasperation as Marinette and Adrien started their daily stammering ritual for the umpteenth time. The model being the new addition. Sure, the first few times watching the two of them become a flustered mess when coming across one another was an entertaining prospect.

 Now it was absolutely painful seeing the two beloved idiots so stupidly in love with one another, blinding them from the fact that it's in fact requited. 

 And what answers were they given when they attempted to convince said idiots that they should ask each other out?

 "Ah! Alya-aaa! You know I can't do that yet. Adrien still sees me as a friend so don't get my hopes up. But that doesn't mean operation secret garden is finished. I will get him to fall in love with me!"

 "Nino!? How many times do I have to tell you? Marinette's more interested in my clothes than in me! She's yet to fall for my suave, meow-tastic self~ Also, operation Marry-Nette is now a go-go. You, Agent Best Man have to make sure that the rose petals are ready as soon as she steps into the art room."

 Needless to say, Adrien's scheme failed catastrophically. So bad that not even the nerdy model took the opportunity to make a pun about it since they ended up jamming the large fans for a 'wind' effect with the rose petals and thus causing a fire. All the boys from the class ended up with a week's worth of detention much to their dismay and the girls' curiosities.

^ Wo Ai Ni

13 - Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Oh yes. Back in my Sonic days I got quite a lot of lovely ones like the ones below.

I made this lad stop by telling him that I have family in the cyber police and that the next time he hears sirens, they're after him lol. Thankfully, other than the occasional silly anon that roleplays as Lila, I don't get hate on my stories.

[crowleys-right-eyeball]

okay HELLOOOOO SBZ FANS I FINISHED THE GAME!! below the cut they go, pretty long and just rambles lol

- alan is SOOO FUCKING CUTEEEE BUT ESPECIALLY IN THE END HELLO???????

- I LOVE HOW HE STANDS HE’S JUST SO EXPRESSIVE WITH EVERYTHING

- anyway so i took a shit ton of screenshots but the game deleted my save files before i could export them so i’ll have to either replay the ending or go on youtube but i don’t wanna do either of those now. but that sorta ruined my mood with the ending so thank u unknown worlds for designing ur game like that 🙏🙏

- so anyway. you know how they’re making subnautica 3 right. did you notice in the ending that there’s a fucking???? architect city?????? LITERALLY THERE COULD BE A CITY FULL OF ALANS IN SUBNAUTICA 3

- as for the game itself. it was ight!! it was like ten ish hours shorter than subnautica but maybe that was just me being insanely impatient and googling all the coords out of frustration lmfao

- i give it a 7.5/10!! a ton of the credit goes to the stupid kickable brit and the absolute gilf but everything else was pretty okay!! characters aside, it really wasn’t as scary or as like. immersive as subnautica imo? someone pointed this out on the subreddit and i totally agree but having the seatruck being the only vehicle you need made the deeper parts feel way safer, which sorta just made all the scary parts jumpscares rather than actual terror which i did not love

- now i don’t know if i’m like a total idiot or not with this point but this game felt very. unguided. like once you find alan it’s just a free for all and you have to either wait for him to tell you hey here’s a thing that doesn’t help you at all OR you just wander around aimlessly until you stumble upon something. to be honest though, i started subnautica maybe three ish years ago and i genuinely have no memory of it. i have no idea if i watched a playthrough and knew everything first or went in blind so maybe that’s how the first game is too and i’m just an idiot lmfao, but i googled the coords for everything like i said, and speaking of which tonight’s playthrough should have been way shorter except that i literally could not find the fabricator base or the gate so *shrug*

- this is a minor note that i thought was goofy but my dumb ass did not find outpost zero until i was looking for the gate and i fucking. entered the base and alan started talking to me even though he was already out of my body LMFAO (either the devs did not find this plothole or they did and didn’t think anyone was dumb enough to find it)

- umm what else. i could go on and on about alan and marguerit but i will not bc that’s a post on its own

- hot take: should have been deeper

- thank u unknown worlds for putting my funny youtuber songs into the game love you sm

- the music fucks so hard

- OH i wish the biomes were more significant because a ton of them are SO COOL but i literally only entered them like once for one thing so i do wish there was more diversity with where the story progressed (however i also like how they kept the same subnautica style with how it progresses, as in there’s more the deeper it gets, i just wish the biomes were more diverse with that i guess)

- EDITING THIS BC I FORGOT TO WRITE THIS DOWN!! i LOVEE alan’s character progression throughout the game!! at the start, he’s mostly just confused with robin’s discomfort and he doesn’t really wanna get involved with anything other than his body, but as the game goes on he asks robin questions about humans and he learns stuff like sarcasm and hope and he states his feelings more clearly and i just ;;;;;; melts and sobs and collapses he’s so fucking cute i’m crying

- IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY AND I’LL PROBABLY EDIT THIS LATER BUT YEAH!! MY INCREDIBLE TAKES!!

- next i post about this game will either be if i feel like grabbing and uploading my screenshots OR if i draw a silly little alan and robin drawing heehee

[midnightmisadventures]

Hi guys!

Lots of strides today. I finally realized why detaching has been so hard and why spirit has been hounding me to work on myself cause there’s still things I need to realize and work on before everlasting union

Uh, I think I might have adhd. Ironically lol like I think Liam was right all along and I think I’ve been trying to treat my mental illness in not an effective way? Idk it’s hard to explain but I think I have a dopamine deficiency and that’s why basic maintenance tasks are so debilitating.

And…..thinking, fantasizing, writing, obsessing about Liam is like a little pocket of dopamine in my brain I can lean on to fill the void there is without it. Like I’d rather die than do a chore but if I can watch readings and think about my cutey little warm boyfriend than it’s worth it. Showering? Can’t. Just kidding unless I’m playing a playlist that channels songs from cutey little warm boyfriend. He makes me so happy. The thought of us in union is so comforting because it gives me dopamine when I’m in lack.

So here I am trying to detach and abstain and wondering why I’m MISERABLE. Like why is it so difficult to stop “thinking” about a guy who’s hurt me a ton in the past. Why do I feel like it’s a drug I can’t live without. I was like, I get it I’m in love with him but I’ve learned all the lessons i understand why it’s necessary to detach like I have all the pieces why is this so hard for me? I just thought I was an idiot like no way other divine fems are having this problem. I’m out here bargaining my first born son to the divine if they let me think about cuddling with him before bed.

It’s dopamine!! Thinking about Liam gives me dopamine. Not a lot of other things do. It’s been my escape goat anytime i am trudging through my days of depression. I feel better if I can pick up my silly little cards and the lovers fly out with the 4 of wands.

But I don’t need confirmation. I KNOW!! it’s coming and I could never pick up the cards or watch another reading again and still bet my life on the fact that it’s coming. But it’s so hard to stop cause I’m raw dogging adhd

Turns out the whole time I was just mentally ill, go figure!!

And my room is a disaster, and I wanna kms every time I have to do school work or fill out a form, and I can’t cook for myself or function as a regular adult not cause I’m lazy!! Cause I have untreated adhd.

Which in Liam’s defense he told me I had and should get help cause he did and it changed his life. And I was just like “Aw ur so cute and shit caring about me from an adderall perspective, but no I’m not gonna look into that at all”

Like I was like babe our brains are the same but like……our brains aren’t the SAME.

Uh yea turns out they are. It never ceases to surprise me how no matter how much I figure out how similar we are, I keep finding out HOW similar we are.

We are textbook twin flames. EVERYTHING is mirrored. Every major download, tower moment, realization I’ve realized during our journey is always about another way I’ve overlooked how we reflect each other.

Everything. All of the realizations always boil down to we’re the same just mirrored back in some way. It’s so fascinating because it’s all the more reason to believe it all 150% because I am an expert on twin frames just because of our experience. Like everything you read, hear, or watch about twins to a T is us. About how you trigger each other so badly because we both reflect the same wounds and the same parts of us that hide. We had textbook ghosting, betrayal and separation, and awakenings at the exact time.

And I know I sound silly. Like no shit Arielle why do you think the divines always telling you to row your boat, it’s literally because everything is going to plan up to the second and every decision you’ve made has led to this point so at no point along the way when you were yelling screaming crying out of impatience were you right and the divine was wrong.

The divines never wrong, my intuitions never wrong. Crazy I’ve been on this journey for almost a year and the most basic principles are just clicking.

Anyway, I’m really grateful because I’ve been asking my spirit team. Please help, I’m begging to know why detaching is so hard, I’m trying my hardest to release but something’s not adding up I need help :(

That was literally like 2 days ago lmao they are so fast. And that’s how you know if something’s taking a while it’s on purpose.

Theres a comfort in understanding why that’s been so hard but also understanding why I need to fix it before union. Because if I would rather completely neglect taking care of myself and my life just to think about Liam??? Imagine how I would act if I got that dopamine fix from spending time with him.

I would be entirely codependent, i would do anything I could to be in his energy to keep dopamine levels high. I wouldn’t focus on anything else, I’m currently not focusing anything else!!

Anyway……lots of strides today

[sweetsweetemo]

why is transmisogyny always brought up when trans men try to discuss the fact they suffer transphobia lol

trans women are our sisters. stop speaking as if our experiences erase one another. trans women go through a very specific aspect of transphobia and misogyny trans men will never feel, and trans men go through a very specific aspect of transphobia and misogyny trans women will never feel. why do these two have to be mutually exclusive.

why can't I speak about how my actual health professionals infantilized my experiences? why can't I talk about how every time I come out to someone, there's the underlying tone that I'm just being silly and I'll grow out of it when I'm old enough to face my real feminine side (and settle down and have kids like every woman should)? why are my choices about my own body always regarded as "someone's daughter/sister/girlfriend doing irreparable damage to her beautiful feminine body" and I'm never allowed to speak about how misogyny and transphobia make my life hell on earth? how even though pride is big, getting metaphorically punched in the gut with every interaction just makes me want to give up and detransition, prove everyone right and live in peace for once?

there was an entire book made by some disgusting woman on how young girls are being brainwashed to become trans men, and our entire existence was reduced to painful changes to pursue a future we legitimately want, but for some reason hurt these cis women so bad they felt entitled to make a book and ideology on finding their "lost sisters" and bring them back home, to the right path. Which is obviously growing your hair out marrying a rich man and have 2,5 children with him. a man who will love you even though you had top surgery in one of your "phases" and still love your "mutilated" body.

this is not trans women's fault. trans women were never the ones telling me to shut up about how these things made me feel, it was always some idiot with too much time in their hands that thought me speaking up about my worst experiences would somehow make trans women's oppression be any less noticed. which was never my intention (and I'm Not fond of the idea it was anyone's intentions at all. as i said, trans women are my sisters.)

why is it trans men are always accused of "distancing themselves from the community" if we're tone-policed by people when we speak about a traumatic experience?

it genuinely doesn't make sense to me.

i don't give a shit about the word-discourse, by the way. it's incredibly, terminally online. using or not Whatever The New Thing Is won't change the actual oppression happening in real life. which I am honestly begging for people to pay attention to.

these are things i can discuss in therapy, i don't need a community as badly as i once did, but please, please help trans kids. help them feel as if no matter how they experience the world, there'll be somewhere for them to come back to and be safe, so that they never have the wish to finally give up that I'm sure a lot of us did once.

[hiccup-writes]

To the boy that got locked out of the garage

"sorry this is so annoying of me but im just sitting here genuinely wondering what happened when everything felt so normal all day yesterday like what changed?? I know you said nothing in common but that felt a little random when u knew most things about me before u even invited me over. like was that rlyyy it?? I agree maybe we didn’t like all the same things but there was enough there to make me see something with you. And you know I was always open to new things. I also never get comfortable this fast so it just felt super misleading when you invited me over and showed me around your hometown and allowed me in ur space? I would never do that with someone I wasn’t truly comfortable with and didn’t feel something for bc it just feels so intimate idk. You’re the first person I introduced in person to my roommates bc I never have people over that way. Which that’s on me, I was ahead of myself. All the little things just made me like you perhaps more than I should’ve and I wish I had brought it up in person to let you know where my mind was at. I was over here hyping us up like an idiot lol. Guess I just figured I was safe. All to say I’m not at all faulting you for your feelings, I’m just saying I thought we were on the same page based on our hangouts the way we treated each other so it’s a convo we should’ve had earlier. PROMISE this is the last thing I’ll say on this and I’ll shut up and go away i’ve just been way in my head."

Sometimes I feel too deeply, I hit the send before I’ve truly thought it through and the rest comes rushing after. I wish I fought a little harder for what I wanted this time around but I will be a people pleaser thru and thru, tell them what they want to hear. Even if I’m angry even if I’m in my feelings and I send without a second thought, my response will always be apologetic. 

And maybe it is so silly to do all of this over 3 dates. Just 3. But it wasn’t that way to me. These were 3 of the longest dates I'd been on, from hopping around town to continuing our antics the next day because there just wasn't enough time. 3 consecutive weekends I had spent so long looking forward to every time, filling the time in between joking about our uneventful weekdays. Like yes, tell me about your dryer, I'll tell you about Excel. It's a lot to let someone into your safe space and trust them because they’ve let you into theirs. You don’t just hold my hand and kiss my forehead and make sweet comments if your intentions are to treat me like I was disposable. I felt so safe, so comfortable with you and maybe my actions didn't convey this the way I thought they did but I promise you, my walls came down after that very first day. We could have been friends. We could’ve taken it slower. We could have spoken about what these actions truly meant to either of us because it seems they meant different things, weighed differently in our minds. I wanted so badly to send this full message but I won’t. I’ve already promised I would not bother again and I can’t put myself beneath that. I can’t wait for the day you leave.