#which means I don't have the healthiest relationship with eating on the best day

[planningisnotmystrength]

I have chronic stomach problems and that’s led to me having a weird relationship with food and eating in general but not always in a negative way. 

I have this weirdly anarchist approach to food sometimes. like, breakfast food is just food you eat for breakfast. only thing that sounds good is a cheeseburger? fuck it, we ball. you don’t feel like eating a whole meal? eat only snacky bits and random components, who gives a fuck?

as long as you’re checking the nutrition boxes and not inducing scurvy or anemia or something what does it matter if you eat waffles for dinner or spaghetti for breakfast? everything’s made up so you might as well make up a world where you’re not actively causing yourself harm for no good reason. 

[tibby]

if u want to could u write abt ur thoughts on amanda and hoffman’s relationship in the jigsquad verse 👉👈 i love this au sooo much thank u for providing the best content

hoffman and amanda's relationship is...complicated. i often wonder what it could have been like in canon if john hadn't fostered such a toxic environment and pitted them against each other. they do have things in common and i think they also had a capacity to work well together - bathroom trap, nerve gas house, and the night of lynn/jeff/eric/rigg's tests all happened AFTER john took them both under his wing. ik hoffman sets amanda up to die the night of the latter but the fact remains they had MULTIPLE games set up in the same building and i doubt john would have been able to do much. hell, even when they're fighting while fixing up the rack, there's still like...a weird sense of them being in sync. amanda's brains and hoffman's brawn and when they're not at each other's throats they make a hell of a team.

so. taking that into consideration and placing them in the jigsquad verse, where they are able to form a relationship despite john's interference...they're very much like a brother and sister. they're always about 0.5 seconds away from killing each other and they'd both rather die than admit than they care for one another, but they do. jigsquad mark is able to retain his humanity and because of this, he sort of grows to see amanda as...a surrogate little sister to make up for the sister he lost. and amanda will never be angelina, both as a person and as a piece of mark's life, but it's something. and for amanda...i think generally speaking she distrusts men due to past experiences and it takes her the longest to warm up to mark because a) he is an asshole to her b) he was her ~rival~ for john's attention c) he's a cop. BUT. once they've gotten to a point where she realises he cares about her and won't actually hurt her...it's nice to have that weird big brother presence in her life.

john's death plays out very differently in jigsquad and since mandy lives through that night and he doesn't, the ramifications are also very different. the games continue in part because john implies that if the apprentices don't carry on his ~legacy~ then there's contingency plans in place for them, but also because amanda sort of. needs to process her shit with john and what he did to her in her own way, and that does mean continuing his work. which. isn't the healthiest coping mechanism but the guys realise she's going to do it with or without them and at least if they're with her, she'll be safer. and mark is a lot more willing to let her take control of everything and has no desire to kill her for power or whatever.

but yeah. they still fight all the goddamn time but they're not trying to like, Actually Hurt each other and aren't praying for one another's downfall. they're just. an older brother and a younger sister who aren't related and also know each other because they murder together.

here are some headcanons i have:

as the two resident former addicts of the group they keep an eye on each other because they know the signs (even if they do claim it's because they can't have the other relapsing and fucking up their whole operation)

amanda is a vegetarian and hoffman, the designated chef of the group, cooks vegetarian meals for her. sometimes he'll make a whole separate dish just so that she has something to eat.

she steals something for him (idk what hoffman would like for gifts. knives? keychains? pasta?) on the anniversary of his sister's death because she knows how sad he gets about it but also doesn't know how to deal with it. and she's like. ugh. here. *shoves it in his hands and then watches movies with him all day while neither of them acknowledge why she did it*

unsurprisingly a lot of people at the station don't really get hoffman's choice in friends and are kind of assholes about it. once a narcotics detective once referred to amanda as "a drugged up psycho" to hoffman's face and he punched the cop in the nose for it. this was separate to the punching strahm incident and was outside of work so nobody knew about it. which like....anonymous brutality is sort of the way mark cares.

sometimes he carries her (and adam) around on his broad ass shoulders. sometimes she sits on his back while he does push ups.

he steals her cigarettes and she'd get mad about it but she keeps stealing his zippo lighters. so they're even.

this will probably make more sense when i finish (and for that matter, start) my The Night of III/IV According to Jigsquad Verse fic in five million years but. in the aftermath when john is dead and they're all reeling from that and amanda is recovering from being shot in the neck and hoffman can't really check in on them because that'll be suspicious...he does what he can by telling strahm (and perez) to back the fuck off and leave amanda alone. she's nothing more than a person of interest and they have no proof she worked for john but hoffman knows they suspect her. and he also knows the last thing amanda needs right now while she's badly injured and processing john's death is to be harassed by the fbi. so. yeah. he makes sure to keep them away for her for as long as she possibly can.

similarly. hoffman asking john why amanda has to be in the nerve gas house has less to do with him not understanding the rules or whatever. and more to do with him wondering why the fuck john is okay with putting amanda in a dangerous situation, even if she's ~fine~ with it. he's very out of touch with his feelings and doesn't even realise he's doing it out of concern but. he is!

this one also features adam but on nights when there's no trap business to attend to and lawrence is working his real person job and the three of them are "banned" from "testing traps in the living room" and "treating them like toys" because they "keep getting blood on the carpet" they all just sort of. bake edibles together and paint each other's nails (hoffman always says that if he's being forced to do this then he wants black manly nails but amanda always ignores this and paints them something sparkly that diana left behind the last time lawrence had a custody weekend) and revel in each other's weirdness and smoke cigarettes. they play mario games together (hoffman always goes donkey kong, amanda bowser or dry bones, adam princess peach) and amanda and hoffman WILL climb all over each other and accuse one another of cheating and it will get borderline violent but it's fine. they love each other. they're having fun.

[beebubb]

Hi hi! It's me again, polyamorous anon

I'm sending this request so when your asks are open again you can do it ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ

Can you plz write Will x Frankie x reader hc's??

Idrc if they're nsfw or not, i just wanna read sum cuz i ship them and they're my F/O's too sooo

(my pronouns are they/he and im non binary :D)

My asks aren't open yet but i have free time rn! So i can write some HCs! And thank you for telling me your pronouns! Some people forget to tell me in asks and well, i don't wanna seem rude and call someone the wrong pronouns. Also this is my first time writing poly relationships so sorry if my HCs aren't that good 😅

Poly relationship: frankie the undead x reader x william grossman

Most of the HC are SFW but i do have NSFW but it's just a few

The three of you get a good balance when it comes to being serious and being goofy

Though the only problem is how often and how much time you get to spend with both of them

You and will go out on dates more often. Sense frankie is usually always working and is sometimes gone for days, even weeks

Which is one of the cons of dating frankie.

That he either can't go out because of work, or because he's scared he'll put either you or will at risk from other hitmen

But he means well, he just wants to protect the both of you and loves the two of you. So please understand him :)

When it comes to dates with Will, it's usually to order something to eat, play video games, or watch something on Netflix but he also fucking loooooves self care things. So if you wanna do face masks or do some sort of face treatment, he is totally up to doing it

Also he is really adventurous, so sometimes he might even want to go explore abandoned or haunted places and just fool around with you

But when frankie is around, it's usually in the early morning, which is when will is at the institution

So now both you and frankie miss will

But what makes everything worth while is seeing how happy will gets when he sees frankie at the apartment with you when he gets back from the institution

it's always really cute seeing him get so excited and just hug him after days of not seeing him

And when frankie is around, will makes the best of it

"Y/n and i already found a movie we think you might like! We can watch it today! We can buy some popcorn or order some pizza! Right y/n?!"

You guys are basically the trio of will being the energetic one, frankie as the always tierd one, and you are the only calm one that balances the two of them out

You and will are also frankie's only ray of sunshine

frankie needs a good laugh? Y/n, will, you know what to do!

Is frankie stressed out? Maybe a massage and cuddles could help! But if it turns to something more ✨spicy✨, hey, no one's complaining am i right?

He's strong, agile, etc, he can easily dom both you and will

Will loves teasing both you and frankie, but if you and him tease frankie, ohh boy are you two in for a fucking RIDE

But if it's actually you and frankie teasing will; he is a BIG bottom and you sure as hell will have him on his knees begging you and frankie to literally do anything to him. will is open to anything, so don't doubt on trying anything new

Will is also very lovey dovey and absolutely loves physical affection

So he definetly loves being in the middle so both you and frankie cuddle him

So he loves getting cuddled but he is also the best cuddler

I know that frankie and will are polar opposites when it comes to energy and personality but this is actually the healthiest and most wholesome relationship you could ever ask for

There is no such thing as jealousy between the three of you

There might be the ocassional disagreement but frankie and will are a bit of peacemakers

They don't like being mad or upset with you or eachother, so they always look for the best ways to get along

When it comes to sleeping, frankie stay in the middle so he can hug both you and will

Will likes pulling pranks on the two of you (harmless of course)

But if you are just as chaotic as will, his pranks might have no effect on you

Will: *puts salt instead of sugar in both y/n and frankie's coffee cup* here you go!

Frankie: thanks babe *takes a big gulp but immediatly spits it out* will what the hell?!? Did you put salt in this?!?

Will: *trying to not burst out in laughter*

Frankie: goddamnit...y/n dear, don't drink tha-

Y/n: *drinks the entire mug of salty coffee in a heart beat*

Will and frankie: 😨

When the three of you have quiet time, it's always so peaceful. Neither of You have to talk and can enjoy each other's presence

But, even though frankie complains a lot about having too much noise, he still enjoys will's loud singing when he has his random karaoke nights in the apartment

Which will would absolutely want you to join in

So if you're shy or not that confident, will can Definetly make you come out of your shell

Will isn't a perfect singer, so he doesn't care if you're a good singer or not, he just wants to have fun with you

Frankie doesn't really get into it so he's fine with just watching you and will sing

It just brings him so much joy seeing you two happy

It's basically like this:

You and will:

Frankie on the outside:

Frankie in the inside:

Frankie has a soft spot but only for you and will

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

hi, idk if this is okay but here goes... this blog's really helped me a lot in recovery from AN. i've been doing well lately. since diagnosis, i've been on my own with this bc the mental health system in my country is broken. i guess my question is, do you have any tips for continuing recovery during grief? a really close friend has just passed and i can't get myself to stomach even a bite. i just don't know what to do, i'm lost. thanks in advance, it's okay if you don't reply to this, really.

Hey! I am so glad this blog could help you, it’s truly an honor! Also I live in America, my healthcare system also sucks ass. Recently had symptoms of kidney infection- couldn’t go to an in person doctor because the only place that took my insurance was closed in my city and they wouldn’t set me an appointment in person, though I tried to get one. Basically just had to tough it out- it sucked. Basically trying to validate you- having shitty healthcare is basically the worst.

As for grief, I am really sorry to hear that your friend passed away. It’s an absolutely horrible thing to go through, for every good memory you had with them you have to remember time and time again that they aren’t here anymore, and that’s a feeling that takes a really long time to become more okay with. Not that it’s the same thing, as everyone’s relationship with grief is different, but I lost a close grandmother on January 30th, 2020. I mourn her everyday, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. Still is. I miss her every day, and think about her all the time.

So some words on grief.

1. Cheesy, but it does get better with time.

I read an allegory for grief, and I have found it to be true. Grief is like a big ball inside of a tiny box (which represents you). Every time the ball touches the side of the box- it hurts really bad. You cry, you stare at the wall for hours, you lose your appetite, a lot of things. At first- your ball of grief is huge- and it’s constantly and randomly hitting the sides of the box. For me- the time around my grandmother’s death and funeral, I was completely out of commission. I couldn’t stop crying, and when I did I couldn’t focus on anything. I was completely incompacitated for weeks. But then- over time, the ball of grief gets smaller and smaller, and touches the side of the box less and less. Now, I can think about her without bursting into tears, I look back on my time with her with a sense of nostalgia rather than sharp pain most of the time. Now while my ball of grief is smaller- sometimes it still randomly touches the sides of my box, and I break down crying (hell- I am tearing up now lol). That’s okay. It’s all apart of the process. The grief never fully goes away- but it becomes less and less consuming. This does not mean you love your loved one any less, it just means your body gets better at metabolizing their absence so it hurts less. Also not you can’t force the ball to get smaller before it’s ready to (believe me- I tried). Just let it happen.

2. Express your emotions healthily

Want to know what not to do? Keep your emotions locked into your chest. Especially if you have an ED, it’s important to let yourself cry as hard and as often as you need to. What you don’t get out now will bite you in the ass later. It’s so, so painful. I have never cried so hard in my entire life than I did at my grandmother’s funeral, I couldn’t even get a word of apology out. It felt awful, and vulnerable, and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Crying is not fun, but it was necessary. Afterwards, I felt soooo much better. This is because crying chemically is like letting the extra air out of a balloon about to pop. There is no shame in it. Do it, and do it often. As often as you need, don’t hold it in. Let the pain come, and then when it is ready it will pass. Remember what you don’t process now you most certainly will be forced to process later in the form of chronic pain, worse depression, worse ED symptoms, and worse health. Let it out.

3. There is no wrong way to grieve

So I just spent all that time talking about crying- but it’s also possible that your grief will express itself in other ways, such as feeling numb, or even feeling fine. The key thing is to not judge how your body metabolizes this. Let it do what it needs to do, and do not judge it. To it body will do what it needs to do, fighting it is a pointless uphill battle. Accept it with self compassion, console yourself like a friend would. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel numb, or to cry, or to be okay, etc. let it happen.

4. Reach out for support

Be it from a friend, a family member, or a therapist (or best- all three!) if you feel like it would help you, reach out and talk about how you are feeling, or do something distracting. Mod Lia and I called the night I saw my grandmother for the last time, and we didn’t talk about it much at all. We watched She-ra. That helped a lot. Later I called another friend and talked about how I was feeling. Later I talked about it with Mod Lia, too. And of course my therapist- who helped me process it in a healthy way. On that note, especially with an Ed, if you can, get a therapist. Do it. Better than anybody they will be able to help you find the healthiest way to grieve, and help provide tips and accountability for preventing the worsening of an ED.

5. Tips on not drop kicking your ED behaviors further into hell

Having a schedule for eating (and other necessary activities) really helped me. At certain times, regardless of wether or not I was hungry, I forced myself to eat just because it was food time. Doing this prevents you from slipping into ED behaviors, especially when it is easy to do. Having a therapist or a willing friend to hold you accountable can also help. Express your emotions healthily. Talk to your loved one still, on walks or however. Talk about them in conversation. Do things that remind you of them. Make a memorial for them- whatever that means to you. Allow them to still occupy space in your life, if that feels right. If not, that’s fine. Taking care of yourself is hard, but if you don’t you are going to make it worse for yourself. It’s like puting an ankleweight in when you are already drowning. Take intentional steps (such as setting reminders and alarms) to ensure you take care of yourself, and even see if there are people who would do it with you. Like if you are having a hard time eating, see if a friend will have lunch with you every day at a certain time, or a couple different people (over the phone if need be). Plans, for me, really help me keep it together.

To sum it up, the biggest thing is to not fight the grieving process, set specific schedules for different aspects of self care (with alarms), reach out when you need help, and be patient because it takes time.

There is nothing I can say to make your loss feel better, but it is so hard to lose someone, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Be patient, don’t expect a ton of productivity out of yourself, and just wait out these unpleasant storms. Thing are never going to feel the same ever again, but eventually you will get used to a new normal, and that doesn’t mean you are doing them an injustice. Keep remembering them, and be patient with yourself.

Best of wishes,

Mod Cass

[realtalk-princeton]

I'd like to be fit again, but also food is just, there. And delicious. And I'm lazy af, especially with quarantine. Essentially, I don't want to be skinnier more than I want to eat the food, which I've realized. Do I just accept this until I hit supreme unhealthiness levels? Or is there like something I can do?

Response from Faun:

First, I just want to address that being fit is not tantamount to being thin, nor is it an automatic trade-off with food. Fitness and nutrition are both important components of your physical health and well-being, so it is better to think about them as two halves of a whole rather than as competing extremes. With that in mind though, I can definitely relate to the sentiment you’re experiencing of wanting to eat delicious food while not really wanting to be physically active. However, as previously mentioned, those two things are not mutually exclusive, meaning that there are ways to indulge your desires while still keeping healthy.

For example, you don’t have to restrict yourself from eating any of the food that you enjoy, but you can be aware of your portion sizes and only eat until you feel full (as opposed to kind of unconsciously snacking away just out of boredom—something we are all guilty of from time to time, I’m sure!). That way, you encourage a sort of mindfulness in the act of eating itself as well as a greater understanding of what your body needs to be satisfied and what makes you happy. Additionally, if you're not feeling up for crazy intense workouts during these quarantine days, maybe try some lighter exercise like beginner’s yoga or a casual bike ride. Even a leisurely walk around the neighborhood after dinner would be a great way to stretch your legs and get some fresh air while helping to digest the food in your stomach.

Something else that I’ve personally been doing these days is intermittent fasting (IF), which sounds a lot more intimidating than it actually is. Essentially, IF is just an eating pattern where you allocate a certain amount of time during the day for eating and only eat during that given period of time. For example, I give myself an eight-hour window (usually around 11:00am–7:00pm) during which I will eat normally (e.g. brunch, some snacks here and there, dinner), and then I will fast for the rest of the time, a feat which is made easier due to the fact that I’ll be asleep for roughly eight of the remaining sixteen hours. I started intermittent fasting as a way to make sure I’m not eating too close to bedtime, but paired with exercise I’ve found that it’s helped me regulate my weight over time as well. I’ll still give myself “cheat days” from time to time (I love midnight snacking too much to give it up completely lmao), but overall IF has given my eating schedule a bit more structure and discipline that I wanted.

Of course, I really want to emphasize that these are just suggestions, and ultimately you should engage your relationship with food in the way that makes you feel happiest and healthiest. However, I hope you will consider eating and exercising not from the perspective of having to look a certain way (especially by giving up one entirely at the expense of the other), but rather from the perspective of achieving a balanced and healthy lifestyle suitable for your own needs. Feel free to reach out anytime if you have any more questions or updates to share. I’m wishing you the best of luck!