#which means after about 2 hours she is literally taking up the whole bed with her mimiscule little subway footlong body

[horce-divorce]

wow that was absolutely the worst night of sleep I've had in recent memory, gonna have to spend my whole birthday napping to make up for it 👻

[applesandbannas747]

i wanna hear your thoughts on the fence challengers: long shot preview pages if you want to share!

oh mAN I have so many and they are all over the place!!

The first one is a little thing, but I bet Seiji had a crush on Marcus Washington when he was a kid--Nick's horror, Harvard's teasing, and Seiji's indignant blush imply as much.

And a fun fact, Jo posted a mini preview of baby Seiji to Patreon on February 14th...maybe I'm reading into it too much, but that's nothing new XD

Next couple of things are about the scene with the trophy case. It was really interesting and fun to see side-by-side redraws of Robert! It really illustrates the way the style has evolved, and also I gOTTA say it feels like Jo is more invested in Robert based on the level of detail she put in--like it's not just a style comparison, it's also just obvious a lot of attention was put into these shots when a) she could have just reused old shots (which she's done before, so I know it was an option), or kept it more simplified like she did when drawing the original shots.

I also think it's sweet that the redraws have Robert looking much more like Jesse than the originals.

And I am sure I will get flack for this, but I have incredible second-hand embarrassment from Nick leaving his newspaper clipping + note in the trophy case jfhdasl like bestieee noooo anyone can see that shit now oh my god please stooop

Onto some Nichoji thoughts! I love that Seiji's been confirmed as a before-bed reader! Him having a Kindle makes sense for the sheer efficiency of it too lmfao. Of course it's also adorable to see him in reading glasses <3 And then my favorite detail is Nick's stupid nightlight...notice where it is?

Rather than illuminating Nick's side of the room, it's peeking around the curtain and lighting up Seiji's reading, which is beyond adorable and sweet. I wonder whether Seiji stole it or Nick put it there knowing Seiji likes to read before bed, and I love both scenarios.

Also, it's fucking adorable that as soon as Nick mentions their date appointment, Seiji takes off his glasses and lowers his Kindle because it's got his full attention and investment.

And a quick pitstop to the locker rooms!

I like the visual metaphor here with Aiden and Bobby both very casual about changing and both literally having their shirts open; meanwhile, Seiji's straightening the cuffs on his button-down, which is already neatly tucked in and complete with his tie. It just highlights how Seiji's a lot more closed off than the others, and I think this was a neat trick to remind us of that.

In regards to plot, I'm still...really disappointed in the pacing. I know most people feel like it's a slowburn/it's taken a long time to develop, but if you waited to read Fence at all until it was complete and then read it all in one sitting, I think you'd see how unbalanced it is. Williams says that their first match will be in three weeks back right after tryouts:

which means everything between issue 12 and CHALLENGERS has happened in 3 weeks. Seiji and Nick's relationship is so sweet and cute, but it went from resentful rivalry to puppy love overnight with very little 'screen time' dedicated to the actual transition from resentment to friends (which I could write a whole essay on but this is not the post for that lmfao). Furthermore, the fact that it's the first match of State Championships rather than first match of the season is crazy to me. I'll admit, I didn't fence in high school--it wasn't even an option because we didn't have a team. And despite hours of research, the structure of high school team fencing is not entirely clear to me. However, I do know that typical high school sports go through the season, facing every other team in their division or whatever. Based on performance in those matches, they can qualify for state, and then their win ratio determines their seeding order for the state championships that happen in like 1-2 days. Seeding order is who you go up against in a bracket, so it's what this diagram is, basically:

(side note, but it appears there are 24 schools competing at state). Again, fencing could be different, but it kinda seems to me like we skipped over the season and went right to State Championships, which just cuts out so much development and build-up. It's like we're speed-running the entire story to get to the end faster. We cut out showing the development in the romance, and now we're cutting out the development of the plot. There's still plenty that we can do at state, of course, but imagine how much more it would mean to see Nick fencing in front of Robert if we'd built that up more. I just don't understand how we spent 12 issues on try outs, 4 on a practice match, 8 on camp, and none on the fencing season. It feels so abrupt and unbalanced. Tryouts and camp were my favorites arcs because they felt pretty well-paced as self-contained pieces of the story. I just feel like we needed waaaaay more relationship development between those two arcs to be satisfying, and I feel like there should be waaaaay more build up during the fencing season between camp and State Championships.

and now, the moment you've all been waiting for: my devastation over Eugene's role (???) in the story. I honestly question why he's in the story at all--at this point, it would have made more sense to have him flat-out not make the team. Except that keeping him this long lowkey backs up the theory I've had on his role since Striking Distance/RIVALS: Eugene is here to make everyone else look better/cooler/more impressive. The very first thing that struck me when reading the first look was this:

The dialogue here suggests that only one reserve actually gets to be on the team in the end, and the reserve is Nick. And, worse, everyone expected it to be Nick. Sure, it's sweet that Seiji thinks Nick's the better fencer, but all I can think about is how hard Eugene's worked for ten years trying to make the team as opposed to Nick's three months of fencing. Now, I love an underdog story. But it's interesting because Pacat stated in an interview (I'd have to go find where for the specific quote) that he always feels bad for the person who's been working to be #1 their whole lives only to be knocked out of the running by an upstart underdog--which I've always assumed would influence the path taken in Fence...and it seems like we may well let Seiji and Jesse remain above Nick in skill (or at least it seems like we won't be dethroning Seiji, even if we go for Jesse), but Nick's overcoming smaller obstacles. And those smaller obstacles hurt worse to see crushed because Eugene almost made the team in a way that mattered, only to have that taken away. It would have been less cruel to him and his fans to let Nick take the reserve slot back in issue 12, but instead we brought Eugene along to serve as a means to make Nick out 'secret weapon' and elevate his story.

I will say though, this page is one of my favorite Eugene moments because I see the character I selfishly want Eugene to be in it. From the context of the panels above, this page is likely Williams telling them that only one will be fencing in State Championships, and this is their reaction. Eugene's immediate concern for Nick and the comforting hand on his shoulder followed by a bright smile and a thumbs up--he just cares so much about other people and it so used to smiling through his own pain/disappointment and comforts Nick through being positive (and as seen back in issue 12, up playing his competitiveness) and acting like it's no big deal.

Eugene deserved better, but if this is where he goes out, I think I can live with it. Better to see him go now than continue to be a means to uplift the rest of team by being less than. but, man, I was really hoping we were turning it around after his moment in REDEMPTION being the only KR boy not to lose his bout

anyway, thank you sm for listening to my rambles!!! <33

[austonwithan-o]

Summer Job- Trevor Zegras x Reader

After a certain boy walks into your hair salon. How could you say no to him asking you on a date? I mean customer satisfaction right?

——————————————————————————

No warnings!

You had just recently moved to Bedford, NY to live with your grandparents. They offered for you to live with them during the summers when it was too expensive for you to fly back to Portland where your parents lived. Attending NYU completely on scholarship you didn’t have time for a job during the school year. You did cut hair on the side for some of your friends and they paid you some which covered some weekend excursions but nothing too crazy. Little did you know that side hustle would lead to you meeting the love of your life.

Sitting in your bed you scrolled through job listings, a lot of grocery stores, gas stations, target, fast food places were hiring but nothing really caught your eye. Annoyed you closed your laptop letting out a groan.

“I refuse to work at McDonald’s mom. I’m not coming home smelling like fries and grease and it’s a whole 40 minute drive from here! There’s literally nothing interesting here.” You were annoyed with the sparse selection of employment available and despite your obvious disappointment your mom let out a laugh much to your dismay.

“Honey I know you don’t wanna come home smelling like a fast food place but you’re gonna have to choose something. Plus it’s just for the summer! Just like what, 2 months? You can survive 2 months y/n or here maybe ask grandma and grandpa if they have any friends who have businesses. They know a lot of people around there.” Her voice rang through the speaker phone on your nightstand, it wasn’t a horrible idea, your grandparents did have a great reputation in the town and a lot of friends.

“Hmm you’re not wrong?” You said picking up your phone, “I’m gonna go talk to them it’s dinner time anyways.”

“Alright sweetie I love you! Have a goodnight and keep me updated on the job hunt.”

“Will do momma! Love you too!” Hanging up and making your way downstairs the smell of your grandmas food was heavenly. You loved it here.

“Oh perfect! I was just about to call you down!”

Your grandpa said pulling a chair out for you to sit. You smiled and thanked him as he pushed it in.

“So grandpa I was on the phone with mom, looking for jobs with her and I was wondering if you knew anyone who would be willing to hire me for the summer? I mean there’s fast food and restaurants and stuff but I just thought maybe you’d have more, I guess, connections around here?” Taking a bite of the chicken on your plate. There was a few seconds of silence before your grandma spoke.

“You know I actually do know someone who’s hiring but are you good with hair? My friend Carla has a hair studio 10 minutes into town and she’s looking for another employee.”

Bingo.

“I can cut hair! I have a little side hustle at school cutting hair for like $10. I mean I’m not professional but I’m definitely not bad at it. I can also style and dye hair too!” This was the perfect job you thought plus the tips would be great!

“Her name is Carla! I’m going in tomorrow to get my hair trimmed. I’ll introduce you to her, she’s such a sweet lady!” Your grandma said, “We will leave around 11? My appointment is at 11:15 and I like getting there a bit early.”

You agreed. After dinner you spent a few hours playing cards and chatting with your grandparents eventually heading up to your room.

You woke up around 10:30am a little tired from staying up watching hair tutorials refreshing your memory on how to cut hair but you didn’t need much reminding.

You showered, got dressed and ran downstairs grabbing the keys to your old Jeep.

“Grandma I’ll drive!” You exclaimed rushing out the door.

“Alrighty I’ll be there in a second.”

The drive was peaceful. Driving through the colorful country you couldn’t help but admire how nice and green everything around you was. Your thoughts were interrupted by your grandma.

“I don’t know if you watch hockey at all but Carla has a little bit of a celebrity customer you know.” She smiled, “I’ve met him before his name is Trevor Zegras. He’s a hockey player. I’m not sure which team but he’s a cutie. Maybe you’ll get to cut his hair.” She shot you a wink making you roll your eyes.

“Ah yes grandma I definitely need a hot hockey player boyfriend to distract me all summer.”

“He’s a very charming young man! I bet you two would hit it off!” You laughed at her statement. A relationship was definitely the last thing on your mind for the summer. Making friends? That would be fun but definitely no boyfriend.

“Grandma you know I don’t need a boyfriend. I mean especially since I would just be leaving to school in a few months.”

“You never know y/n! People come into your life for different reasons.”

You smiled at her words but it was true. You didn’t want a summer fling. It wasn’t your style. If you were gonna date someone it was going to be serious and having a hockey boyfriend was definitely not on your list of things you needed.

You arrived at the hair salon. The sign displayed on top read, “Bedford Village Hair Design” it was a cute little shop. You could see a few workers at their stations and a few customers in the chairs. You both walked in hearing the chime of the bells, “Alice! Good to see you! You’re a bit early but I’ll just get you started over here-“ the woman who you assumed to be Carla gave you a wide smile.

“And who might you be?” She asked pulling you into a hug.

“Carla this is my granddaughter y/n! She’s staying with me for the summer and I brought her here to introduce her to you! She’s looking for a summer job and I think she would be perfect for your salon!” She said as she sat down in the seat, you followed close behind the two, standing beside Carla.

“Well I definitely wouldn’t be apposed! Can you cut men’s hair? I have more and more male clients coming in and I need more help around here!” Carla spoke trimming away at your grandmas hair. She was definitely not new to this.

“Yes! I cut my guy friends hair all the time in school. It’s like a little side hustle so I can make some money during the year.” You explained.

“You know what that sounds great! If you want just swing by tomorrow let’s say around 9:30am and you can start if that’s okay with you? I have someone coming in at 9:45am who you can do. He’s very sweet.”

“That sounds awesome! Thank you so much!”

You waited in the corner for your grandma to be done her hair which took about 20 more minutes and with that you both left after.

The next morning you woke up throwing on a flowy floral dress trying to match the vibe of everyone’s outfits yesterday. You wanted to make a good first impression so you took your time with your hair and makeup. Rushing out the door it was 9:15 by the time you left luckily there’s never any traffic in the small town.

Walking inside the small business you were greeted by Carla and another worker Gracie. She was around Carla’s age and very very sweet as well.

“Hi you must be y/n!” She greeted you giving you a hug.

“Yes! It’s good to meet you?”

“Gracie! My name is Gracie! Well I’ll give you the heads up since you’re new I’m gonna let you take my regular client at 9:45 today. His name is Trevor! He’s very nice so don’t be intimidated and he will let you know how he wants his cut.” She said handing you an apron.

For some reason your heart dropped a bit but you didn’t know why. You hadn’t even met the guy let alone seen his face and already freaking out.

“Are you sure? I mean I can take someone else if you want-“

“Lovely don’t be silly! I insist don’t worry he won’t bite you! I’ll still be here I’ll just be organizing in the back and Carla will be in the front or back with me.” She said and with that the sound of the door opening and the bells jingling made you freeze in your place.

“Carla! Gracie! And new girl?” You shyly turned around to face him. His smiled was so bright and his eyes were so pretty. He walked over and gave Carla a hug all while scanning you up and down. He pulled away eventually giving you a firm handshake. His touch sending sparks up your arm, making butterflies form in your stomach.

Oh my God he was gorgeous.

“Trevor this is y/n! Y/n this is Trevor! She’s gonna be cutting your hair today Trevor.” Gracie said grabbing his hand. His eyes hadn’t left yours and you could sense the nervous energy radiating off of his tall figure. He ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair which fell perfectly back into place framing his chiseled features.

“Oh cool! I’ll get a buzzcut this time.” The two older women let out exaggerated gasps slapping his shoulder making him laugh.

“Hey I’m kidding! You know I’d never do that Carla.” You couldn’t help but laugh as well at their reaction. You were already loving this job and you’d been there for about 10 mins.

“Trevor the day you get a buzzcut is the day I officially quit my job.” She handed you a barbers gown and he followed your lead by sitting down in the chair letting you throw it over him securing it in the back. Your hands were shaking and he could feel it as you tied the back lightly brushing the back of his neck.

“Alright y/n let me know when you’re done, I’m going to help Gracie in the back. Trevor no buzzcuts.” She gave him another light slap on the shoulder and he shot her a wink. The two ladies walked off exchanged glances at the two of you.

“You can lean back and I’ll wash your hair first.” He followed your directions placing his head in the neck rest.

“I’ve been coming here for a long time and I’ve never seen you here or around here for that matter. Where you from?” Trevor asked looking at you. You refused to make eye contact with him because you knew you’d fold under his eye contact.

“I’m from Portland but I live here in the summer times and I go to school at NYU.” You explained as you massaged his scalp with the shampoo.

“Oh that’s sick! Yeah I live here during the summers but I’m in Cali most of the year.” He was very obviously enjoying you running your hands through his hair and you couldn’t deny. You did as well.

“My grandma comes here a lot. She said you play hockey huh? I didn’t know there were hockey teams in California.” You admitted almost feeling a bit stupid letting those words leave your mouth. Trevor grinning at your remark.

“It’s a weird place for ice hockey that’s for sure but yeah the Anaheim Ducks. I’m guessing you don’t watch hockey?”

“Not at all. I’m not huge into sports but I played volleyball in high school.” You rinsed his hair off then wrapped his hair up in a towel and motioned for him to move to the hair cutting seat. His height shocked you a bit more when he stood up letting you really observe him. You caught the smell of his cologne as he walked by sitting down in the chair. You couldn’t get enough of him but you were fighting the feelings.

“I’ll have to get you to watch a few games. It’s important if we’re friends you watch hockey or at least know how the game works.” He stated looking at you through the mirror making it harder to concentrate with his gaze.

“Also, keep the shape but just make it a bit shorter. It’s kind of hard to see now.” Trevor grabbed a front strand of his hair pulling it down his face to see how long it was.

“Oh so we’re friends now?” Teasing him a bit. You snipped away at his hair following his request. You couldn’t help but notice all the tattoos on his arms as well letting your eyes scan his features more.

“I mean I’m trusting you with my hair so of course we’re friends but let’s say I ask you out on a date. Would that make or break the friendship.” The question caught you off guard.

Y/n you just said you weren’t gonna date anyone. Tell him no.

“I mean I don’t see how a date could hurt the friendship. I’m free anytime past 4 when the salon closes.” You couldn’t believe you just said that. It was like you had no control.

“Perfect I’ll pick you up at 4 tonight. What you’re wearing is perfect.” You blushed at his comment. Finishing up his hair and blow drying it. He stood up and you shook the barber cape off. You did a pretty good job you couldn’t lie.

“You know I might have you cut my hair from now on beautiful.” He turned around to face you.

“I mean I charge more so if you’re fine with that I’m fine with that.” Joking obviously you walked over to the wall grabbing a broom to sweep up all the hair you cut off.

“Worth every penny. I’ll pick you up at 4 from here. Leave your car here and we’ll just take mine.” Carla came back to the front soon after.

“Yay no buzzcut! You did really well Y/n.” Carla gave you an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Trevor made his way up to the front with Carla to pay while you cleaned up the hair on the floor.

“I’ll see you tonight y/n.” Winking at you he left the salon.

“I’m guessing you two hit it off huh?” Carla smirked.

“I mean I wouldn’t deny it.” You blushed at her comment making her laugh.

“He’s a great kid y/n. I wouldn’t let him near you if he wasn’t.” Carla smoothed out her apron retreating to the back again.

This was gonna be a very interesting summer and an even more interesting school year.

——————————————————————————

Tbh idk how I feel about this one but oh well

[jazzmynerule]

first valentine’s

prompt: stiles wanted nothing more than to make the perfect gift for y/n’s first valentines with him but he doesn’t have enough money to get her what she deserves so he takes it upon himself to make her a bouquet of lego flowers

warnings: mild amounts of swearing but other than that it’s pure fluff

by the way this is in stiles’ pov

…………………………………….

“scott i don’t know what to get her honestly she’s deserves a bunch of diamonds and rubies not a hunk of junk life of chocolate and halfway dead flowers” i scoffed as scott and i walked towards our lockers

“stiles it’s y/n she’s gonna love anything you give to her”

he’s got a point i mean for her birthday i made a lousy ass card with a bunch of poems and she put it in a frame and hung it on her wall there’s nothing you can’t give this girl that she won’t absolutely adore

“omg you just gave me the perfect idea scott, have i ever told you you’re my best friend and i love you? because i really love you” i smooched his cheek and ran outside to my car driving straight home

after around about 4-5 hours i sat on my bed trying to create little lego bouquets when dad walked in my room

“what in the hell are you doing kid?” he asked leaning against my door frame

“trying to make the perfect valentines gift for y/n” i answered without looking up from my project

“you’re in head over your heels boy” he laughed closing my door and walking back down stairs

“yeah clearly” i smiled continuing on with my disaster of a present

-2 hours later-

i was still sat on my bed finishing my present when a i heard a knock on the door

“stiles it’s me! open up!” y/n yelled knocking on my door repeatedly

“shit shit shit shit” i whispered trying to cover up my present

“stiles i’ve got your present! can you open up please” she continued

“coming love” i said as i opened my bedroom door

she stood there with a big box in her hands wrapped in red wrapping paper and finished with a red bow on the top

“baby what in the hell did you get me” i groaned now knowing my present was gonna look like utter garbage next to the one she got me

“shut the fuck up and open it!” she squealed handing me the present

i took the present from her and sat down on my desk chair

carefully i unwrapped the first and immediately jumped up and kissed her beautiful face

“the whole star wars universe in one box? baby i fucking love you!” i said in between kisses

“stiles!” she giggled

“okay don’t judge what i got you please i don’t have enough money to get you the things you deserve but i did spend hours trying to make this perfect for you” i sighed pulling back my blankets and revealing my massive bouquet of lego flowers

“omg stiles”

i look up at her seeing her eyes go wide with admiration

“it’s a representation of our love, when these die so will our love.. which would be never because they are made of legos so we’ll last fore-“ before i could even finish my sentence she’s pulled me into the biggest bear hug

“you’re literally the cutest human being i’ve ever met i am so lucky” she smiled kissing my cheek

“happy valentine’s day my beautiful girl i love you always” i smiled back at her kissing her forehead ever so gently

“happy valentines sti” she hummed

….

i hate how badly i want this kind of relationship ;-;

[dokidokitsuna]

Slowly, I think I’m getting a handle on this…I tried studying the character art from my favorite dead MMORPG, Maple Story 2, and I think it helped me find a style for the shading and rendering that’s more dramatic but still sort of cartoony.

Plus, I’ve been doing a bit of script writing, which always helps me figure things out. ^^ So please enjoy the additional work I’ve done on these character concepts.

-Between these two, Magolor definitely needed the most work: you can tell because I basically drew a full character design sheet, which is something I almost never do because I don’t like repetition. XP But it doesn’t feel repetitive when I’m totally lost to begin with. ^^; I think I got a little too abstract that first time I drew him, so my focus here was to figure out the specific shape of his body and rebuild outward from there. In stark contrast to my usual Magolor designs, he’s very tall and muscular, with an imposing silhouette (especially with his cape on). Yes, he IS hiding something under all those purple bandages, but we won’t talk about it today. ;)

-I also like that his outfit gets darker the further inside you go, from the solid white cape and glittering chains, to the silver armor and gray scarves, to the skintight navy blue fit underneath. Symbolism??? Perhaps~

-Blade’s design was already pretty solid, so I just adjusted her cape a little, and then dove straight into the Rainbow Malady concept art. ^^ Phase 1 has her sprout a second eye and wings on one side of her face. Her head catches fire, as the power of the Rainbow Sword attempts to ‘burn away the darkness’. In this phase, Blade is already in a lot of pain, but remains fully conscious and can even speak, when she isn’t coughing up multicolored blood. She can recover from this on her own with a day of rest. Phase 2 is much more serious, forcing her organs outside of her body, and growing star-shaped welts over the rest of her skin. At this point, she can no longer recover without Magolor’s help-- essentially, he uses magic to shove all her organs back where they belong and stitch up the open wounds. It’s like setting a bone after it’s broken-- just as painful as the injury itself (if not more), but necessary for proper healing…which takes about a week.  Phase 3 is the last and worst, transforming her arms into elongated wings and her whole body into burning plasma, on top of all the issues from Phase 2. Thankfully, she can’t really remain conscious in this phase-- she’s usually delirious from fever, blood loss, and her brain literally burning away. ^^; Storywise, she needs about a month to recover from this, so she doesn’t use it too often…of course, as the 'player', you can put her through it as many times as you want. =T

-Fun fact, I guess: So the primary love language between these two characters is food. ^^ I was musing about what I could do with a protagonist arc centered around worsening illness (which is…surprisingly rare), and I thought, “so what do you do for sick people? You put them to bed, you manage their symptoms, you clean and comfort them…and most importantly, you feed them.” And then ^that little doodle basically came to me in a dream, and from there evolved the idea of Magolor showing kindness to Blade by cooking for her.

Most of the time, the little affection Magolor shows to Blade is…basically performative. Think of it like a hammy supervillain petting their cat-- it’s more of a character stim than anything else. ^^; The way Magolor talks to Blade (and especially the way he talks about her…) makes it clear that the hand-holding and headpats don’t mean much.

But on the other hand, giving Blade food and watching her cutely devour it, especially during the times when she’s bed-ridden and he doesn’t see her as often…I like to think that might genuinely endear her to him a little, enough to make it a sort of stand-out gesture. Like, if he strokes her forehead when she’s sick, that’s whatever; but when he spends 5 hours making a Maxim tomato consommé for her to eat, that’s him trying to say he cares. Maybe it’s just a tiny bit, maybe it’s just in that moment, but a small part of him truly wants her to be happy.

[moonshineplaydate]

Hiya against starlights! I’m taking a quick break from Hazbin content because I have been dying to pump out some Murder Drones Agere content, because it is very underrated and there is a new episode coming out which I am very, very excited for! Here’s some long overdue headcanons!

Ps, sorry for my absence, exams suck.

Tw: Mentioned knives, not proofread (very sleepy).

Uzi Doorman

•Uzi is a switch, that flips between an involuntary regressor and babysitter!

•Her age range can be anywhere from 2-6 depending on why she’s regressing, she’s normally younger if she’s scared or upset.

•Uzi wasn’t much of a fan of her regression, it totally ruined her dark and edgy aesthetic if she was acting like a little kid!

•Though, after meeting N and seeing him regress, she began to soften up juuuuust a little bit. She ended up slipping after the whole Promening ordeal and pretty much clung to N. She didn’t want to lose him again.

•And afterwards, she felt a lot better now that someone had taken care of her! N pretty much became Uzi’s full time caregiver after that, always trying to be there for the little one!

•Since she had a caregiver, she was actually about to regress more and slowly came to terms that it was a part of her.

•Uzi is scared of the dark when she’s little, part of her little gear is a night light that makes it look like they’re stars on her bedroom ceiling. She says it’s her ‘favouritest thing ever!’

•Speaking of her little gear, she has a purple paci along with some cozy black PJ’s to wear!

•She’s partially touch averse, things like hugs or kisses are a big no no, but being picked up, head pats, hand holding are all things she loved when she’s small.

•Uzi can be pretty quiet when she’s little, when she’s with someone she doesn’t know/like/doesn’t know about her regression, she just doesn’t talk at all. She’s really only verbal with N and V.

•She sees V like a big sister when she’s little, and V doesn’t have the heart to be mean to what’s basically a kid and plays along with her.

•Uzi likes nicknames when she’s little, even if she doesn’t show it her whole face lights up whenever she gets one!

•Her favourites are, ‘Baby Bat’, ‘Little Rascal’, and ‘Honey’.

•Uzi can get fussy when she’s little, not for any particular reason, she just doesn’t like listening to people all the time.

•N has to be patient with her to avoid tantrums.

•Uzi actually really loves bed time, she finds it peaceful, when she’s either a little or a caregiver!

•Uzi makes a pretty decent caregiver, usually to N.

•Has the vibes of a very chill babysitter, who says they hate kids but really doesn’t.

•N really cried once when he was little because he heard her say that, and she had to spent an hour comforting him and telling him she didn’t mean it.

•Can be a very relaxed babysitter, but whatever she says goes and she will not back down on that.

•Acts a bit softer with the littles just so she doesn’t upset them, is still pretty edgy though.

•Uzi sometimes makes little robots or machines to keep littles entertained when she can’t watch them fully! No rail guns though.

•She talks to littles like normal, and not like their a child. But she still uses nicknames for them and can be affectionate.

•Lowers herself down so she can look her littles in the eye when she’s talking to them.

•All in all, pretty fun and chill to be around when your little, especially if you wanna get away with things!

Serial Designation N

•Oh, the sweet baby boy. Literally.

•N is definitely a flip, though I see him forced into being a caregiver role more often than not. Not maliciously or anything, he just gets caught up with looking after Uzi and very rarely V. (Never J though, she still doesn’t like him, even if little).

•N is a pretty versatile caregiver. He’s able to lower himself down, so to speak, to his little’s personality/how they’re feeling. If he’s got a quieter little, he’ll also be quieter. If he has one that’s more excitable, he’ll be pretty happy and bubbly with him! If he has one that’s violent, well, that’s something he has to sort out.

•N first learned about regression through some books in the mansion, but didn’t think robots could do it until he saw V regressed once. Since then, he just took up the roll of being a caregiver.

•And he was (and still is) amazing at it! He keeps a bag with some emergency little gear (things like pacis or toys) in case anyone needs them, he never leaves the littles unsupervised, is great at calming them down or getting them to bed.

•Even though N is great is interacting with littles, he’s not the best when he’s the little.

•N’s age range can be from 7 to younger than that, again, depending on his mood, usually how stressed he is though.

•N first started regressing after everything that went down with Cyn, and didn’t really do well at hiding it on a small spaceship from V and J.

•J was still disinterested in the whole thing and basically pawned him off to V to take care of him, who did a decent job. She wasn’t that emotionally intelligent and usually just bribed him with toys, and rarely cuddles, to get him to stop crying.

•It probably took N a while to explore his little side, mainly because he didn’t have many opportunities to regress. Or rather he did, he just didn’t want to bother anyone.

•But oh my stars once he was more open, he became a total sweetie!

•N is definitely a very giggly little, everything is funny to him when he’s in his little space!

•He can be a little shy and usually keeps his hands over his mouth or his arms at his sides, he sometimes has trouble speaking but it depends on how he’s feeling. He can get pretty loud if he’s excited!

•N loves being picked up, but it’s a little difficult due to his size so it’s usually V who has to do it, or he’ll have to settle for sitting in someone’s lap (which he also loves)

•N’s little gear consists of a blue paci, some nice, comfy PJs, a couple sensory toys that he can fiddle with, with his hands and a golden retriever teddy that he called Vun!

•He LOVES Vun, little or big though he’s a lot more clingy to it when he’s little and practically needs to sleep, or power down with it.

•N has a hard time speaking if he’s feeling really small and has to rely on gestures, like holding up his arms if he wants to be carried, pointing to things he wants, etc.

•N really loves nicknames when he’s little, his favourites are ‘Special little guy’, ‘Sweetie’, ‘Darling’, and ‘Baby boy’!

•He calls his caregivers a variety of things, V is usually just V since it’s easy for him to say, Uzi is usually too hard for him to pronounce and he just babbles whenever he tries to say her name! Tessa is also one of his caregivers but they don’t get much time together.

•Had a really bad habit of thumb sucking before he got his paci.

•Not good with asking for things when he’s little so his caregivers have to make sure that N is doing what he wants to do and not just whatever’s easiest for everyone else.

•All in all, just a total sweetie, big or small!

Serial Designation V

•V is a flip (I’m saying that a lot, I can’t help it, these fit being a flip so well, I can’t imagine them not taking care of at least one of the others) whose regression is a lot more rare than N’s or even Uzi’s.

•I think she’d be more of a sleep regressor or even a trauma regressor, whichever it is though her regression is definitely involuntary.

•She wouldn’t want to be vulnerable like that in front of someone, so would try and hide to be alone while regressed.

•V generally regresses to around four, so she thinks she’s big enough to be on her own.

•She really likes small spaces when she’s small, like in a closet or underneath a bed, it feels secure.

•That’s also the reason part of her little gear is a weighted blanket, however those work for robots, she loves hiding underneath one! It’s best for her caregiver to leave her alone if she’s like that and not let know that they’re watching her, otherwise she’ll get grumpy someone’s interrupting her independent blanket time.

•Speaking of, her main caregiver is N and very rarely Uzi if N isn’t around or if Uzi doesn’t want to leave N while he’s taking care of V. V doesn’t outwardly dislike Uzi while she’s little, she could even be a little scared of her but N assured her that she’s safe there.

•She’s absolutely terrified of the Solver when she’s little, which isn’t much of a problem since it’s not like it’s just going to show up but she gets nightmares sometimes which really, really upset her.

•It’s one of the reasons she refuses to sleep alone while later, she’ll normally curl up next to someone since she doesn’t want outright cuddle with her caregiver but once she falls asleep, she usually clings to their arm.

•Other than her weighted blanket, V doesn’t have much little gear, she doesn’t really like using pacis but she has a ton of different PJ’s she likes getting into, some with little stars on them, some with angel wings, they’re all really important to her! She can’t really sleep without them when she’s small.

•One thing she really, really loves is lullabies, it doesn’t matter who she gets them from, she’ll be out like a light the moment she hears a lullaby.

•When she’s not sleepy, she has a few toys that she plays with, namely her bubble blowers since she’s not allowed to play with knives when small, also a stress ball because she likes squishing it.

•V has a love hate relationship with nicknames, she loves feeling small but when people treat her like she’s small, she can get upset and embarrassed, feeling like they’re talking down to her.

•The only nickname she’ll tolerate is ‘baby’.

•In terms of her being a caregiver, she does a pretty good job! She’s not amazing with kids but is a lot better at getting down to their level then someone like Uzi.

•As stated, she lowers her guard just a bit with the littles, she knows they actually think like children so she’s safe with them but being vulnerable is still hard.

•V’s really good at guessing what a little needs, even if they can’t/don’t feel like talking. They’ll be times where N could try for hours trying to find out what a baby Uzi wants and V just walks in and figures it out in a couple seconds.

•Not that attentive of littles, she’ll keep an eye on them for sure and stop them from getting hurt but wouldn’t really mind them doing something dangerous, like standing on high places.

•N usually has to look out for things like that.

•Speaking of, she loves little N, taking care of him feels like she’s making up for him looking after her when she was in a coma back at the mansion.

•Plus, he’s a sweetie and V is actually capable of carrying him so they just work well together.

•She doesn’t keep things like toys on her but she does have a bag of batteries to give to the littles as treats.

•Has a kind of stern mom energy to her when actually enforcing a role, she is a very stubborn caretaker and will get the littles to listen to her.

•She can have fun though, it’s one of the few times she can let down her guard with the group.

Serial Designation J

•J is the first person on this list that I see as strictly a regressor, I can’t really see her looking after someone else

•Plus she deserves some time to relax, being the leader of the murder drones and dealing with Tessa is definitely a lot.

•J regresses from about 1-5, she needs some baby time where someone can take care of her.

•In the mansion, it was always Tessa looking after her so she stopped regressing after she was sent away on missions and couldn’t see her anymore, but did slip up a few times with V.

•She basically threatened her to not tell anyone about it, she was obviously mortified of being in a small state of mind in front of her.

•J was meant to be a leader after all and behaving like that wasn’t…leader-ish to her but that was just the first crack in the wall as she found she actually liked V as a caregiver and would slip around her more frequently, but it was still pretty rare.

•J also tried to look after a regressed V once to ‘make things even’ but failed hard and only managed to get V to go to sleep to keep her calm. It’s why she’s only a regressor.

•J considered letting N look after her but, no.

•How she acts when she’s small depends on why she regressed as it’s usually involuntary. Generally, she can be a bossy little who also demands attention, essentially a Princess regressor.

•One thing she loves while being little is sitting in between her caregiver’s legs and having her hair brushes, she finds it really relaxing.

•Surprisingly, J can be a bit physically clingy when she’s little. Normally when she’s smaller or sleepy , she’ll try and hug her body around her caregiver’s.

•She had a ton of little gear, namely sparkly outfits and PJ’a, some pink or yellow pacis, a few auditory toys (like pressing them and they make a sound) and also a white noise machine. Being able to relax is super important to her little routine and she will throw tantrums if something is bothering her.

•J doesn’t have total meltdowns though, she’ll throw one or two things or maybe flail her arms and legs about for a bit if she’s frustrated just to get it out of her system. Afterwards, she’ll still be a bit grumpy but as long as her caregiver can help her relax, she’ll be fine.

•One random thing that J loves while little is money, coins, notes, she loves holding it, playing with it, eating it occasionally. One of the toys she had a piggy bank.

•Tessa was the first person she regressed around and she became very clingy to her once she got to regress more afterwards.

•Tessa honestly loved little J, she could be demanding but she was also so much more happier and adorable; J being little was the first time Tessa heard her laugh. She was too smiley and giddy to not give her all the attention she wanted.

•And J, clearly being someone who wants the attention of people with authority, ie Tessa, soaked it all up.

•J can be really protective over the little gear she got from Tessa. Since she can’t regress with her anymore, it’s the next best thing. She ended up crying and regressing when she thought she lost one of her pacis but V helped her find it.

•J’s speech while little isn’t the best, when she’s feeling a little bigger, she can actually speak pretty well but for when she’s smaller, it’s mainly just babbling.

•She loves being praised for anything while she’s little, knowing she’s doing something good when she’s in a headspace that doesn’t feel productive is really nice for her.

———

And that’s all I’ve got for this post, starlights! I was originally gonna try and write some Tessa Headcanons but episode 7 put me through a roller coaster of emotions, so I wasn’t sure how to write for her! If I do, it’ll probably just be younger Tessa! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these, lemme know if you want to see anymore!

[sublimecatgalaxy]

♥️ Elliot Masterlist 1 ♥️

This is strictly my Elliot Masterlist.

Before requesting, take a look at my Masterpost to gain more insight into my DNI and requesting guideline lists. Take a look at my Prompt List for some ideas regarding request too!

Truth or Dare (Completed)- masterlist

Helping Hands (Completed)- Part 1*; Part 2*; Part 3*; Part 4*; Part 5*

Politics and Violence (Completed)- masterlist

Brown Eyed Girl (completed)- masterlist

Do I Wanna Know: Part 1; Part 2

Secrets: Part 1; Part 2

Handsome: Part 1; Part 2

Tension: Part 1; Part 2

Painkiller:

Summary/Request: "The reader and Elliot have been together for a while. Both of them suffer at the hands of their drug addictions but Elliot seems to be the functional one. The reader has been hiding her worsening addiction from him until one night where she’s forced to come clean."

Violent:

Summary/Request: "After the intervention, Elliot drags himself to readers place in tears. He’s in need of comfort that no one else can offer him like his girlfriend."

Teacher's Pet:

Summary/Request: "Elliot needs help in biology, well, more so the human anatomy aspect of biology. Luckily for him, his best friend is very intelligent and a very big help."

Dark Red:

Summary/Request: "After weeks of being apart, the Reader and Elliot are finally reunited and plan to take advantage of their alone time- that is, until a dreaded monthly visitor decides to make an appearance."

Dirty Laundry:

Summary/Request: "Elliot and the reader have been friends for a long time. They’ve been each other’s person for years, neither of them really having other tight friends or relationships. But when the reader gets a little too close to someone else at a party, all hell breaks loose."

More Than Jealousy:

Summary/Request: "can you please write an elliot x reader friends w benefits to lovers fic PLEASE"

Messy Makeup:

Summary/Request: "Request for Elliot letting you do his makeup"

Sharing Is Caring:

Summary/Request: "one bed trope with elliot"

Why:

Summary/Request: "This is based off of a request for Elliot’s reaction to the reader wearing his clothes."

Fall In Love With You:

Summary/Request: "Elliot is into the reader and they’re best friends and reader falls asleep in his bed and he takes a picture falls off her because he thinks she looked adorable and kisses her forehead and rue catches the whole thing and teased him about it?”

Bathtime:

Summary/Request: "sexy bathtime smut with elliot???"

Sneaky:

Summary/Request:"elliot x reader sneaking around together because they don’t want their friends to know they’re together + them getting caught"

Dress To Impress:

Summary/Request: "Can you write Jealous Elliot smut? Like he’s really rough with the reader"

Kiss Me Through The Phone:

Summary/Request: "Elliot x reader dirty talk over the phone"

Habits:

Summary/Request :"The reader and Elliot hotbox in his car and things get a bit out of hand."

Mean:

Summary/Request: "Elliot x reader in which he is kind of mean to her because she tries to be all cute for him but he's to high to notice her all the time but still manages to compliment Jules on her new hair but it ends in fluff once they both get drunk and she gets mad at him and he apologizes bc he just literally was too high to notice?"

Oblivious:

Summary/Request: "can you do one where elliot gets really jealous for whatever reason and the reader is oblivious to it? :)"

Fighting:

Summary/Request: "hey, if you can or whenever you have the time, can you write elliot and the reader getting into a big fight, and it ends up with her running to the bedroom, and she lays down crying. they dont talk for hours until elliot feels bad and comforts her. just straight up soft!elliot"

White Liar:

Summary/Request: "Could you do an Elliott x reader about the song "white liar" by Miranda Lambert? Maybe where she was engaged to Nate to begin with, but he was cheating, and right as they were about to get married, she leaves him for Elliott at the alter and embarassed tf outta Nate?"

Comfort and Cuddles:

Summary/Request: "headcanons of how elliot would comfort u after a bad day? bc i’ve had a really bad day :("

Type A:

Summary/Request: "what would you think head canons would be for a relationship between Elliot and a girl who's super type A"

Ink:

Summary/Request: "Headcannons based on Elliot going with the you to get your first tattoo."

Moving In:

Summary/Request: "Maybe like head cannon of like if u moved in with Elliot ?? <3"

Fake It Till You Make It:

Summary/Request: "could you do elliot x reader fake dating? <3 (i will love u forever for this 🙏)"

Name Calling:

Summary/Request:"what about elliot x reader where elliot calls reader all sorts of names like baby, love, doll, etc and reader gets flustered💆🏽‍♀️"

The Theater:

Summary/Request: "This is kind of silly but may I please request an Elliot x reader where his gf is obsessed with musicals?"

Elliot NSFW Alphabet

Elliot Fluff Alphabet

[sturnstvs]

eras tour - matt sturniolo

summary: matt takes his best friend to the eras tour but maybe a specific song will bring out their true feelings for each other

warnings: use of y/n

requested: no

note: this is part 2 to birthday surprise

after waiting some long months, it was finally may meaning that it was also finally eras tour month. matt was glad that it was finally here so y/n would stop talking about it. he loved his best friend however hearing her talk about a concert 24/7 can be exhausting. it also didn't help that y/n lived with them to, so he couldn't escape it.

y/n decided she wanted to go all out, I mean everyone was. she started making friendship bracelets and planning her and matt's outfits as soon as she got those tickets. she was making bracelets almost everyday, she probably had almost 100, which matt thought was ridiculous but she kept saying that this was important as she was doing it for the "girlhood" part of it. so matt let her. he didn't want to ruin the girls happiness.

it was now may 4th and matt and y/n were on their way to the airport after saying their goodbyes to nick and chris, which took longer then y/n would like. (matt loves his brothers what did you expect?) once they got to the airport they put their bags and such through luggage claim and about a half an hour later they got onto the plane.

(I'm kinda making this up Idk how airports irl work)

the plane ride wasn't too long which matt and y/n were grateful for. they got off the plane quickly grabbing their luggage before getting an uber. after their uber came they got to the hotel not long after.

it was around 7:30 when they finally got to the hotel, so the two were quite hungry as they haven't eaten yet, but y/n and matt thought it would be a good idea to get some dinner and enjoy being in nashville for more then just a concert.

after dinner y/n and matt got back into their hotel laughing at a funny story they heard on the way back from dinner.

"we are so going to have to tell nick that story" y/n giggled

"oh trust me he will definitely want to here that" matt agreed.

"I'm a bit tired I'm going to go get ready for bed" y/n told matt shortly after their laughter had died down

"already? but its only like 10" matt voiced

"yes, I'm very much aware but we have a long day tomorrow" y/n reminded him coming out of the bathroom for a moment still washing her face

"were just going sight seeing and to a concert" matt told her confused

"yeah, a three and a half hour concert, plus we need to wake up early enough to go sight seeing then get back to the hotel to get ready. and we need to leave at like 4:30 to get an uber to get to the venue, and hopefully get merch and watch the openers, which I love gracie by the way so we are not missing that, then her actual concert starts at 8 and we will leave around midnight, so yes matthew we will have a busy day tomorrow, so get some sleep" y/n exclaimed while finishing washing her face, while matt just stood there with a shocked face

"wow, I didn't realize this is going to be literally a whole day" matt voiced

"yeah it is, now let me finish getting ready" y/n finished before shutting the bathroom door

by the time both matt and y/n were done getting ready for bed and in bed it was around 11:30. the two were sharing a bed because they thought it would be better sense there's only two of them, and they slept in each other's bed's all the time anyway.

the next day they woke up at around 7 in the morning to get breakfast. it was wired for matt, he was so used to not sleeping until like 4 or 5 and walking up at like two, but unfortunately they had things to do.

the two ate their breakfast quickly before getting dressed for sight seeing. they toured nashville and the good tourist attractions and had quite a lot of fun. they took pictures and videos to show chris and nick later.

around 2 y/n told them they should leave which matt agreed with. for y/n 2 was already pushing it. the got back to the hotel around 2:30 and y/n was quick to start getting ready.

the girl was in the middle of curling her hair when she threw matt's outfits at him

"what the fuck is this?" matt asked

"your outfit for the concert" y/n shrugged

matt just rolled his eyes in response going to put on his outfit.

y/n finished curling her hair and putting it in a ponytail with a purple bow in it. after her hair was done she did her makeup. which was her simple base with false eyelashes and glitter eye shadow. after her makeup, she quickly went to grab her purple dress in her suitcase before seeing matt sitting on the bed on his phone waiting for her.

"well don't you look handsome" y/n teased slightly meaning it

matt froze hearing y/n's beautiful voice.

"oh thank you" matt responded with a smile

matt was wearing a purple button up with some khaki pants. y/n thought it was simple but good enough for matt.

grabbing her purple dress she put it on quickly as it was already nearing 4. after that she only had a few more things for her and matt.

grabbing nail polish and eyeliner she wrote a thirteen on her and matt's hand. after, she grabbed her sharpie and wrote some lyrics on her arm. if you couldn't already tell speak now was the album y/n was going for.

grabbing her bag of friendship bracelets and her and matt's clear bag to take into the arena they were headed out of the door.

matt and y/n took an uber to the stadium (which took a little longer because of traffic) getting out of the uber they started walking to get in line, well matt waited in line while y/n went to go get some merch from the stand. matt got into the stadium quite quickly and he couldn't help but be impressed by first, the amount of people that were already there and by how big the stage actually was.

y/n got to matt soon after holding merch and having bracelets now all over her arms. y/n had gotten stopped a few times to trade bracelet's with some people that knew her from the internet.

they went through the openers quicky and matt could tell y/n was already having so much fun. once it hit 8 taylor came on stage and the concert started. y/n tried explaining to matt a little bit about everything in the car and showed him a little bit during the concert as well, but she was having too much fun to really show him.

once the end notes to bad blood played y/n started screaming louder knowing that the next set was the surprise songs.

taylor got to the microphone and the whole stadium was cheating excited for what song she was going to play.

"um so I've been planning something for a while, and um you know how I love to plan things, and then you know how I love to surprise you with the things I've been planing, its like, its just something, its my love language with you, you know, I plot, I scheme, I plan and then I get to tell you about it. so, I think rather than me like speaking about it um..." the crowd cheered louder thinking about what she might do while taylor just stood there and let them scream, giggling every once and a while.

y/n started tearing up. if this was what she thought it was, then she couldn't be happier. some people would say she was overreacting but this meant more to her then anyone could imagine.

"I thought I would just show you, so if you would direct your attention to the back big screen, that we have" and with that the words speak now taylor's version available july 7th showed up on the scream and y/n started shouting and bursting into tears. matt was a bit confused but cheered anyway considering this was important. he also filmed y/n's reaction the whole time, going to tease her about it later and probably post it to tiktok to, with y/n's permission of course.

everyone continued cheering, once the cheering slowed down taylor stared singing her first surprise song of the night but not before saying

"speak now comes out July 7th"

as the first words to sparks fly came out of her mouth y/n and matt looked at each other in shock.

this was their song.

"oh my fucking god! this is our song" y/n screamed at matt trying to slow down her tears of joy.

as the song continued matt couldn't help but think maybe this was his chance. his chance to tell y/n how he feels.

"y/n I think this might be the perfect time to say this and If I don't say this right now I might not ever get the courage again. I like you a lot y/n...no scratch that I love you like really love you as more then a friend, and I know you probably don't feel the same way but I needed you to know that" matt confessed while y/n had more tears in her eyes. her makeup was definitely off for the night

putting her arms around matt's neck as the song came to a close y/n smiled.

"I love you as more then a friend to matt" y/n muttered and sealed their lips together with a kiss. a kiss that spoke more words then actual words ever could.

matt and y/n enjoyed the rest of their night together, with a newfound sense of comfort in both of their hearts. man did they have a lot to tell nick and chris about

as they were leaving the stadium once the lights were turned on y/n was checking her phone and saw that someone air dropped a video to her. curiously y/n clicked on the video confused at what it could be.

it was a video of her and matt's whole reaction to sparks fly and their confession. soon after y/n felt a tap on her shoulder.

"you guys are so cute! you 100% deserved that tonight and congratulations" the stranger who took the video said.

y/n thanked the girl before she asked for a picture of her and herself to commemorate the night which she agreed to.

matt never thought that some silly tickets he thought would be a nice gesture for y/n would turn into a full on love confession between them and he couldn't be happier

note: this is not always going to be this taylor swift heavy but I thought it was cute 😊

if you want to be on my taglist comment on that post. you can find it on my pinned post

[thelavendercatalogue]

@dagmartoons here ya go :D _ _ _

The leg has always been their worry. . .the broken hip, busted knee, possible broken femur from his leg getting crushed in the car. Femurs are hard things to break. Their also the most at risk when they break due to potential issues that can occur with to all the major blood vessels and muscle networks and nerves and such. The leg had always been their worry, always been the main goal to save cause god forbid Lupin loose it and really have his life screwed up. . .Jigen can deal with rehabilitation, but he cannot deal with the outcome that may occur if Lupin looses the leg

Doctors are worried when infection sets in, but so much shit is wrong with the guy that it’s not surprising. . .what IS surprising is when the infection gets worse and suddenly Jigen is in a room surrounded by a bunch of people in white suits all discussing the idea of the most dreaded word Jigen has ever heard in his life and as they try to convince him that maybe it would be more beneficial for the leg to go

Infection isn't something to mess around with. For his leg to be so badly mutilated to the point of his blood essentially poisoning him, a discussion of possibly amputating the limb must be had. Jigen probably would fight as much as possible against the idea, imploring and even begging them to try every other possible route because he knows just how much Lupin needs both of his legs

like lupin is good at robotics

he could make a new leg

could deck it out and make it work as good as he can

but it's still the idea

not to mention the phantom pain would be nearly unbearable at times

Bit of a gut punch given the choice to attempt to continue treatment for his leg or to simply amputate it altogether, But Lupin asked for Jigen to help him make the decision.

But once again, Jigen finds himself freezing.

He has no idea what to say,

So he tells Lupin that he has to think about it for a little while. Which he has time to do, but he's still on the metaphorical clock, so to speak

But he doesn't "think"

At least not right away

Instead he just dips to cope and put it at the back of his mind for a while by hopefully spending some "time" with fujiko

Of fucking course he quickly learns that that isn’t going to work and he just has to say it to her

Him randomly just walking into Fujiko’s hotel room after dealing with this whole debacle for a few hours and originally he came here for a little “stress relief” but obviously Fujiko notices something is up by how he’s sitting on the end of the bed with his fingers steepled against his mouth and how cold and stone like he looks in his eyes.

Looks that she’d know by now mean that he was internally debating with himself and not liking the outcome of the argument

She asks him what’s up and oh imagine how bluntly he says the next words to her

“They wanna take his leg”

fujiko's heart dropping when she hears it, part of her hopes she misheard him but she knows what he said all she can think to respond with is a soft and fearful "what?"

Jigen chuckling as if in disbelief

“haha. . .yeah not the best news I’ve gotten all week”

Fujiko stopping everything and being like "ok we need to get everyone together and talk about this" bc it's literally pt 2 of that whole 'what would we do if Lupin couldn't thieve anymore' discussion

Jigen just taking a deep breath and nodding when Fuji says they need to talk about this. That all of them need to talk

No amount of "stress relief" would be able to fix this It's too somber, too severe

So they get dressed or whatever they have to do to get themselves situated and start making some calls

Fuji calling up Goe, jigen calling Zeni

Time passes and they all convene in Fuji's hotel room

Zeni probably shows up last, but they tell Goe and Zeni the news at the same time

They feel horrible having this sort of discussion without Lupin here with them-- but at the same time, it's one that they couldn't have if he were here, either.

so HERE are the Oppositions

Jigen and Zenigata: Amputation

Jigen's undecided ofc, that's kinda the whole point

And it doesn't matter if it's majority, they'd all decide pretty early on that the decision needs to be unanimous

Zeni would say amputate. Not because it'd mean Lupin can't be a thief anymore (or that it'd be a while until he figures out how to thieve again), that's the last thing he wants, but because it's the safest option. The best guarantee of recovery and the greatest avoidance of the unthinkable.

Considering how jigen might be frantic to fix it and for things to finally calm back down, he'd probably be leaning towards amputation for the same sort of reasons as Zeni. But the idea of Lupin losing a leg is absolutely terrifying to him, not to mention Lupin counting on him to decide whether to make the call or not.

Fujiko: No Amputation

Fujiko could reason that Lupin doesn’t do well with change and would be on the side of Non-Amputation. Not in the regular sense of people not doing well with change but in the sense that he has so very few constants in his life and he leans on those so heavily even if it’s not noticeable to outsiders. He has those few constants and without those tethers he loses himself. And right now things are already changing so much she doesn’t want him to have to lose anything else.

Fujiko won’t admit it, but Jigen knows how much she cares for Lupin, he’s come to accept the notion, especially in the weeks that have followed since this shit started.

Much like him, she has not handled the stress very well. The reason why Fujiko tends to stay is suave hotels attached to casinos

lots of big headed blue-bloods making it big, lots to swoon over her and lots of idiots she can steal from.

Because Lupin was everything to them. Without him they're drowning in how much they miss him and coping in ways they know

But Jigen is smart because also knows deep down that anyone riding the wave will eventually have to get off or fall

Fujiko just seems to end up falling more often now. Much like Lupin and Jigen, her tethers are snapping and if it makes her feel miserable

god what is it gonna do to Lupin

Goemon: No Amputation

Goemon's a bit tricky, but I'd say he'd be the most against it. He's very into self-improvement (shit way to put it but idk how else to) and would wholeheartedly believe that Lupin would be able to power through whatever sort of recovery might be necessary, no matter how much time it might take and no matter the risk to his health (bc lets be honest, Goemon tends to do the same thing to himself).

Honestly I just really like the idea of Goemon getting the chance to go off for once ;;;

Like, he can't fking believe that zeni and jigen are even considering amputation, it's completely unfathomable to him and he just digs into them for it

They've all been injured severely at some point and this has never been offered up as an option before, he doesn't understand how this scenario would be different from any of those other time

but imagine Jigen digs into the fact that Goemon hasn’t even been up to see Lupin since this happened and questioning him as to why everyone else has been up to see him besides Goemon

………goemon snapping back that jigen never gave him the chance to

which leads to

Jigen and Goemon Argument

Jigen actually ends up getting into a shouting match with Goemon on how dare he judge their decisions when he hasn’t even had the stones to go UP and see Lupin. And how he refuses to allow Goemon to use the fact he’s been guarding his sister as a excuse cause even MADDIE has pushed him to visit but Goemon refused

Jigen saying that Goemon never needed his permission to visit lupin,

but Goemon saying that he had no way of knowing that when he's been avoiding him ever since that fight he had with lupin in pt 5

Jigen railing into him over what he did. Because tbh this fight has been a long time coming and Jigen didn’t want to say anything about it but tensions are high and Jigen is on a trigger

He won’t say things he regrets though he’s close to it, but he will mention that Goemon has a lot of nerve considering what he did

And if Goemon tries to use the excuse that he has never been the only one to try and kill each other of the group, and that they’ve done it all the time and what makes the difference now

Only for Jigen to point out how no one has EVER actually tried to kill each other and that’s what Goemon doesn’t seem to get, they have always pretended but no one except Goemon has actively tried to KILL someone from this group and not only that nearly succeeded in doing so

However before he can continue, too Jigen’s surprise, however, Zeni steps into the ring in Goemon's defense for one simple reason

Zeni would probably say that jigen hasn't seen the full extent of Goemon's regret, and the fact that Goemon gave up everything when he believed he had 'defeated' lupin is proof enough that Goemon isn't making some kind of 'excuse' for what he did.

At the end, I'm sure they're all aware that Jigen is just snapping under stress. He's upset, he wants Lupin better, he doesn't want to have the conversation about his leg, he doesn't want to make these choices, he just wants to wake up beside him in bed and this is all just a bad dream

but thats not gonna happen any time soon. . .

[continuing-studies]

Go to Asia with your family: Toddlers hiding things

One thing about being away with small kids for an extended period is that there is a lot of development happening while you're gone. By the time we get back to Germany in the springtime, our son will have lived more of his life to that point traveling around Asia (3 months) than in his so-called home (2).

But their development doesn't just go on pause. Just as I would like to think that somewhere deep inside their little minds these kids are being influenced positively by the experiences they're having right now, all of the different phases that would come anyway for them are coming here and now, while we're on the go.

As one might expect, we see this in particular with our older daughter. Toddlers are already such complex little creatures, like a tadpole that is almost big enough to be a frog but hasn't quite grown its full frog legs. There's something new happening inside their brains literally all the time. At the same time, being in a totally different environment inevitably shapes the context in which every new phase takes place.

When we were in Pakistan last month Maya began hiding things for the first time (that we're aware of). To any parents reading this: maybe you know this one? It's cute, and funny, but sometimes there are also things that maybe you left out which you didn't want to be hidden, and this might lead to some stressful situations or, in our case, an unfortunate misunderstanding.

Keep reading for the details!

Saturday 21 January 2023

Karachi

Lately Maya has developed a habit of mysteriously hiding things in strange places.  We first noticed last week when all of a sudden half of the pieces to her baby and grown-up animal puzzles went missing.  Zara kept asking me where they all were, to the point that I got a bit defensive thinking that she thought I was simply being careless and lost them.  In reality I was as confused as she was.  When Maya and I were playing with the puzzles in the drawing room last Saturday morning, just one piece was missing - the baby rhino, the same one that has been missing since we left Berlin.  A few hours later at least 4 baby and grown-up animal sets were completely missing, along with a few more random individual pieces.

We puzzled over the missing puzzle pieces for the rest of the weekend.  I looked in sofa crevices, under carpets, and every other tight space I could think of where Maya wouldn’t possibly cram one or several puzzle pieces.  Zara at one point announced that she had figured it out - Maya probably put the pieces in the trash bin.  This sounded plausible, but I convinced myself it wasn’t true because the trash had been taken out the same day we were playing and that would mean the pieces had entered the Karachi waste stream already, never to be seen again.  They’ll turn up, I insisted.

The next day Zara finally shared some good news - she knew where the pieces were.  She’d asked Maya, who the whole time had been saying they were upstairs but declined to give any further specifics.  Eventually Zara asked again when they were in the bedroom together and Maya pointed to the bottom of the bed, where there is the slightest of gaps between the solid wood bedframe and the floor.  I’d already dismissed this as a possibility myself, thinking the gap was too small.  But sure enough, upon checking further I could see the edge of one of the baby animals poking out close to the opening.  One-by-one apparently because I can’t imagine it working out any other way, Maya had taken the time to slide at least 8 individual puzzle pieces underneath a massive wood bedframe in the only place where they would fit, because why not.

I got the missing pieces later in the week after I had my strength back.  It was a physical task.  Before sliding the heavy bedframe across the floor to reveal the pieces, the large double mattress also had to be lifted off the frame and propped against a wall.  And in order to move the bedframe, multiple other pieces of furniture also had to be temporarily adjusted.  The sight of the pieces after straining to push the heavy, unwieldy frame across a marble floor was a bit like finding buried treasure.  Moving the physical manifestations of heaven and earth to recover toys that my child has hidden in the most impossible places - these are clearly the things that bring me joy as a toddler papa.

Later in the week things got a bit more real when Zara’s pink fanny pack all of a sudden also disappeared.  She realized that she couldn’t find it as she was getting ready to leave to bring Camino to get his vaccines on Thursday afternoon.  I asked if there was anything important in it - no passports or important documents, fortunately, but there was a fair amount of cash.  Zara looked everywhere, as we did with the puzzle pieces, driving herself mad in the process as each new obscure location failed to yield the pink bag.  We ran through all the scenarios.  Hadn’t Maya been wearing it that morning?  Did she bring it to Nani’s school?  Zara didn’t think so.  Where was she playing with it last?  I had seen her with it in her bedroom that morning.  Was it there?  No.  Zara asked Maya where she put it, her frustration with the situation (and with Maya) becoming increasingly clear.  Maya kept repeating that “Maya put it somewhere”, but wasn’t able to elaborate.

Finally Zara left with Camino and Maya went down for a nap, which gave me some time to look around again.  I honestly didn’t even know where to start.  It felt like Zara had already frantically searched everywhere, but maybe with a clear head and not being in a rush I would be able to figure out where somewhere could be.  I scanned the main upstairs common area as well as our bedroom, and then wondered if Zara had checked the two leather side tables next to our bed.  I opened the top drawer on my side - sure enough, there was the pink bag, sitting there in the drawer next to our two journals.

Later on when Zara came back I walked downstairs with the pink bag, eager to show her that the mystery was again solved.  While she was out Zara had already called Rita, the house cleaner who has been coming over every day to the house where we're staying, to ask if she’d seen the bag while she was over that morning.  Rita made a special trip back and was looking around for the bag, just as I walked into the living room with it.  Although Zara and Rita were both obviously happy that we had found the bag, things disappearing in homes can be a touchy subject in Pakistan, and we saw that in Rita’s reaction.  The vast inequalities in class and material ownership here make petty theft from domestic helpers a not-infrequent occurrence, and Rita was obviously sensitive to any suspicion that we may have had that she may have taken the pink bag.  In reality that was the furthest thing from our minds — we knew all along that the culprit was our mischievous 2 1/2 year-old.  But Zara had to clear this up and reassure Rita, who was fighting back tears.  She has been wonderful to us this whole time and particularly cute with Maya, who she even looked after on one of our last days for a few hours.  So Zara, naturally, felt terrible that this pink bag mystery had made Rita feel in any way insecure about what we might have thought of her.

That afternoon we all sat on the terrace as the sun went down, Camino on his back in his usual spot taking in the Karachi street sounds, Maya playing with playdough, and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan serenading us all through our BlueTooth speaker.  Zara attempted to explain to Maya that the situation with the bag had made Rita feel really bad before trailing off.  How do you articulate the human complexities of post-colonialism, inequality, feudalistic social hierarchies, and material wealth itself to a toddler who just likes hiding things?  

We left it there, for now, as a chilly evening breeze eventually blew us back inside the house - a conversation for another day. 

On Friday as I was getting something in Maya’s room, I noticed just in time out of the corner of my eye as she attempted to slide one of her Spanish dinosaur books into that same opening as the puzzle pieces, the one between the bedframe and the floor. 

[winderlylandchime]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well and that your trip is good and fun. But holy shit, i hope you and your partner manage to stay covid free! I’m sending some healing thoughts to your SIL since covid absolutely sucks!

Also a few things i do have to say because you need to know (most of them i was told to tell you guys): we went to the doctor yesterday and he was proudly wearing his new shirt. Everyone found it hilarious and accurate portrayal of him/his year. And then he told the whole office (2 doctors and 3 nurses) that he is now famous on the internet because i told bunch of people about him watching the show. And the doctor who is in charge of his case (the guy who did the surgery lol), looked at me, pointed at him and slowly went ‘you made him other people’s problem?’ And my brother proudly said ‘Yes, she did! *realized what was said* heeeeey, i can be quite a delight, just ask the people on the no porn site’ (yes, that is how he told them about tumblr). And my brother wanted me to let you all know that his cast has to stay on for another week, so he is very sad about that BUT the big news that he immediately looked at me (in the office in front of them btw) and went ‘you gotta tell my new homies about this’ was that in two weeks he has his final check up with his surgeon bc he wants to do all tests one last time and then if all is good which they believe will be, he can officially go home and back to his whatever tf normal life is for him. So looks like I’m losing my two roommates soon. Shit will be boring ngl.

Then the other more important thing! My brother had your blog opened on his tag, but i guess he went to check out the rest of the blog because he walked in this morning and went ‘did you fucking know that they write stories?! About Brian and Blondie? WHAT IS THIS? AND THERES SO MANY FUCKING COOL GIFS TOO. LIKE SHIT TON OF THEM! I saw one where Gale was talking in that interview about Prom and Blondie from that panel and then there were gifs from the episode and behind the scenes with it! That had to take for fucking ever! Do people just make them all the time? See? when *puts out one hand* Fandom and *puts out the other hand* love, come together *puts his hands together* beautiful things come to life.’

So he is currently going through your ao3/bookmarks but i did tell him to read your other fics before the new one.. Btw he didn’t move from the couch for a few hours after he discovered it. His favorites so far are: we didn’t know we could reach the stars (he thought that one was a very accurate portrayal of what Brian and Justin would be like if the writers didnt ruin it), clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them (he really enjoyed that one btw. He especially thought the ‘not the first boy to jerk off to thoughts of Brian in this bed’ was clever as fuck and literally went ‘ooohhh shit’ when he read it)

and Youre like a tattoo (he gasped when he realized the plot and went ‘ITS REVERSED!’). And when he finally made it to your new fic he fucking lost it (he had a tiny report on it)

I did show him your replies from previous messages and here’s the message from the guy himself (read this as if youre listening to a very caffeinated person pacing up and down, for accurate pov): I was a breath of fresh air for them? Fucking hell, so this fandom is in like a hibernation, huh? I’m fucked, aren’t I? Well anyway, thank you stranger for very sweet words. I fuck with this person! I think we’d be friends. I FUCKING LOVE LITTLE EDIE! Me and (his best friends name) always quote the ‘It was quite the scandal actually. It was in all the magazines at the time’ in Jinx’s voice whenever some random shit is asked. Them and their spouse sound like they’re fucking fun to be around. Wait you gotta tell them I read the stories they wrote, i’m still reading other people’s shit, i have a lot to catch up to. But that one that isn’t done yet is fucking brilliant. I mean they all are but I read that one twice! I had to watch the reunion episode from season 3 because it made me all nostalgic when they got back together. It’s exactly how I’d like the show to be. Its nice to read and go mhm thats my bri bri, unlike in the show where it was not my bri but an imposter. I also very much fuck with older Brian who has a beard and glasses. Because he looked pretty as fuck in that little comic con video. I’m excited to see how they end it and i really really hope that they had fun writing these stories because i had a lot of fun reading them. Anyway, tell them, they’re fucking cool, their stories are fucking dope, i also really liked that one about them sharing their clothes AND THE ONE WHERE BLONDIE WAS THE SUGAR DADDY! I fucking told you that will happen..i was just wrong as to where. And im glad to see that the *lifts his cast* ally, is catching on.

PS, we both got all ‘awwww’ and a little emotional ngl, when we read your response how you’ve been thinking of us while writing. And just so you know we spent all day today discussing your fics (when he got to the cliffhanger, he went ‘i am once again being teased just like with the love confession’) and some other fics from other creators that he read and enjoyed. The man is in awe. Every time he’d read a new chapter/fic he goes ‘this is the best thing ive read’ over and over.

Hello hello hello dear sweet anon and brother anon!

Thank you for your well wishes. My SIL tested negative this morning so we are officially in the clear (and can abandon our masks). I think we did a good job being responsible within the circumstances. Luckily, my SIL’s symptoms never got bad and the cold I arrived with (was it a cold or an intense allergic reaction to cleaning my apartment and kicking up all that dust?) never evolved into anything more unpleasant.

I love that we’re not the people on the “no porn site.” And we do all think he’s delightful. I’m glad he’s recovering well and can soon live independently from you but I imagine life will be a lot quieter and less chaotic without him and feline BriBri.

Yes! Gifs allow us to relive every moment of the series, draw parallels etc. Let’s give a hand to @sophsun1 who is basically carrying the fandom on her back with her beautiful gifs.

I am absolutely floored by his reaction to my fics. Thank you so much for passing along the kind words he had. I’m glad he like the 5+1 clothes sharing fic (I have such a soft spot for it), and We Didn’t Know We Could Reach the Stars is such an overlooked fic (I forget I wrote it!). AND of course Tattoo was my beloved fic this year.

The fandom isn’t in hibernation so much as it is small and basically zero new content has been released in eons and so it is a small fandom with nowhere near the works produced that large currently or recently active fandoms have (tbh those fandoms intimidate me - I will read GO fic but joining a discord or writing fic in there? so scary!).

“It was quite the scandal really…” is the other quote I say to my spouse on hair wash / hair turban days! I like to think we *are* fun to be around. Especially if quote RPDR S5 is your idea of fun. Then we’re a blast!

I do have fun writing fics. I bitch and moan and complain, but I love writing them and getting to put them out into the world. I’m even more excited to write and post the last chapter of Fireflies now that I know your brother has read it. And I’m delighted to hear that he thinks I kept his beloved BriBri in character (if we ignore WTF happened to his character in S5).

I’m honestly a little bit emotional from your PS. I write fics because I love to write them but hearing that you’re sitting around discussing them? I love writing them but I do want an audience (otherwise I wouldn’t publish them) and there are fics out there that I feel that way about (written by other people) so for my fics to be that to someone… just, I need a moment and a tissue.

*makes fist* ally

[riahlynn101]

"History Repeats (More Than You Think)."

Written for Obscure-Dads Week 2023 Part 2

@daddecember

Summary: En and Izuku are brothers who have a dead father and a mother who abandoned them. Banjo-after getting a call from a concerned neighbor of the boys-finds them sleeping in an alley way. He takes them in.

(Now with an extended ending!)

Trigger Warning: Child abandonment!

--

They’re alone.

Mom hasn’t come home in weeks. The two thousand yen she left is long gone. En even budgeted it all out this time, but everything’s so expensive and his baby brother got sick and needed medicine, which ate up most of their cash. 

He’s tried to reach her, leaving voicemails pleading with her to return. But she hasn’t. 

This is normal, he reminds himself. 

He stands in the middle of a convenience store, guilt washes over him in waves. His skin feels too hot, like he’s burning up. The cashier-a frail old man-eyes him and his messenger bag with an air of suspicion. 

En manages a smile. 

The bell over the door chimes, and the cashier turns to greet the new customer. En ignores their conversation, going down a random aisle. 

For Izuku , he thinks to himself. I’m not a bad person for doing this; we’ll starve if I don’t. 

His skin burns a little hotter. Steam rises from En, giving him cover. He listens to the cashier and customer panic. Lucky for them, this time it’s just water vapor. Non toxic but harder to clear out. 

Not wasting a second longer, En scoops anything and everything off the shelves. He stuffs packets of ramen, bottles of juice, chips, medicine of all kinds, and even some toys into his bag. The steam has started to lessen by this point, and the cashier has likely already called the cops. So, he only has a few more minutes to clear out. 

He runs by the adults who are still swatting at the air around them. They pay him no mind at all, too preoccupied with finding the cause of the “smoke.”

Outside, En doesn’t stop running until his apartment building is within sight. He takes the stairs two at a time, as the elevator creeps him out. It’s old and some of his neighbors joke it hasn’t been replaced since the dawn of the age of quirks. 

En can’t tell if they’re joking or not, but he’s not willing to chance it. Not when he has someone relying on him to come home. He isn’t mom and dad. 

“En, child, has your mother come home yet?” He turns to address his elderly neighbor, Naomi. A middle-aged, muscular woman with hair that changes colors depending on the sky. Quite literally too, she possesses a quirk that reacts to the level of moisture in the air (kind of like his, except her’s utilizes it in a different way) and changes her hair color depending on the different levels. Today, her hair is a calming blue with flecks of white here and there. 

She’s the only one that seems to notice that they’re all alone. But if he tells her how bad things have gotten-that the water and electricity has been off for over a week, which means most of the leftovers they had in the fridge spoiled. Which means they can’t bathe, so En has to use bottled water to wash him and his brother. Which means he has to conserve the last little bit of battery on their phone, just in case their mom calls them. Which means they’ve been going to bed an hour earlier because the only way they can look at the time is through the phone but that uses up its battery. And going out to find places to lessen the load is hard to, because he’s too young to get the help they need to survive, and taking Izuku with him only makes things worse. This isn’t even mentioning that rent was due three days ago, and the landlord has been hounding them for the money he’s due-Izuku and him might get separated. 

He’s heard horror stories about the system. As bad as their situation is right now, it could become a whole lot worse. At least, right now, they have each other. 

He smiles at her. “I’m fine Mrs. Naomi, thank you.” 

The worry lines in her forehead unwrinkled just a little. She purses her lips together. Her eyes go to his overfilled messenger bag. “....Okay, sweetheart, but let me know if you two need anything.”

He nods. 

The minute En steps into the apartment, he drops to his knees. He throws his messenger bag off, feeling it weigh him down. He allows himself to cry, the sounds of kids playing outside a reminder of what he and his brother have lost. 

He lays his head on the carpeted floor. Idly he plays with the fabric, running his fingers over it. Eventually Izuku and him will have to leave the safety of the apartment. The landlord will call the police, and by then they’ll need to be long gone. 

En turns onto his back. He stares up at the water-stained ceiling. His brother should still be taking a nap, so he can spare a few minutes to rest. 

It didn’t always used to be like this. En remembers when they were all a happy family. But then his stupid dad had to go and get himself….

Tears prick the corners of his eyes. It…doesn’t matter anymore, because their dad is never coming back. 

En feels his eyelids grow heavy. The racing of his heart calms to a slow, steady beat. All the excitement of his latest haul has completely exhausted him. 

Before En knows it, he’s asleep.

-x-x-x-

En wakes up to a pudgy, little finger poking his cheek. “Nii-Chan?” His little brother asks. 

He cracks an eye open. Izuku’s kneeled down next to him, he’s worrying his bottom lip and using his one free hand to grasp onto En’s sweater. It’s a familiar sight. Unfortunately, they both seem to have inherited their father’s neurosis. 

He forces himself to sit up. His brother follows the motion, leaning into his space. 

“Hey, Izuchan. Hungry?” 

His brother nods, looking at the bags of chips and packages of ramen that have spilled onto the floor. 

“Great! ‘Cause I got us a bunch of food, but we have to save some of it for this week,” En carefully explains. “Okay?”

“Okay, Nii-Chan.”

That night they eat broken up, dried ramen, sprinkled with the seasoning packet.

-x-x-x-

A few days later, En packs two backpacks. One for him and a smaller one for his brother. He packs a few changes of clothes, as much food and water as he can, some mementos, and a toy or two to keep his brother entertained. 

It’s hard saying goodbye to the apartment. It’s the only home Izuku and he have ever known, but it’s time to move on. The landlord had yelled through the door last night that he was calling the police today. 

No amount of memories and nostalgia is worth being put in the system.

He ties Izuku to his front with a blanket. An old practice mothers use to carry around their children, though usually they tie them to their back. It’s kind of hard, and he almost drops his brother while securing the blanket in place, and then, he very nearly falls forward when trying to retrieve his own backpack. 

He tapes a note to Mrs. Naomi’s door. The woman has been nothing but kind to them, and En would hate for her to think they’ve been kidnapped. 

They’re long gone before the sunrises. 

-x-x-x-

Later that morning, leaving her apartment, Naomi sees a note taped to her door. It reads:

Dear Mrs. Naomi, 

Izuku and I have to leave now. Our parents aren’t coming back, and the rent’s been due for awhile now. It’s for the best that we move on. I wanted to thank you for being nice to us! Sorry I didn’t tell you how bad things were. I thought I had things handled :(

Thank you for being kind, 

En 

She drops the note, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Those poor boys! How could she not have contacted him sooner? If she had, then they wouldn’t have had  to survive on their own. 

After she calms down, picking the note up and sliding it into a drawer, Naomi calls an old friend. 

“Hi, it’s Naomi Aoki. I hope you’re doing well. I know it’s sudden, but I do have a favor to ask of you….”

-x-x-x-

En walks for what feels like, hours upon hours. His little brother slumbers periodically, heading bouncing off his shoulder. People give them strange looks, whispering to each other, but seem otherwise unwilling to lend assistance. Typical. 

Eventually, he has to rest. He goes into an alley. It’s midday, so En’s not as wary about potential dangers. Though, it wouldn’t hurt to remain vigilant and move before dusk.

He sits up against the cool brick wall; his little brother is still attached to him by a blanket. Together they rest.

-x-x-x-

“-id?” Someone calls, sounding faraway. “Kid…?” The person pokes his face. 

En jerks awake.

It’s nearly dark out, casting the alley into near pitch-blackness. How long had he been asleep? Heart hammering in his chest, he sends a glance downward. To his immense relief, his baby brother looks back at him, oblivious to the distress the older boy is under. 

“Kid?” The person says again.

En looks up at them. 

A large, bald man with the weirdest taste in fashion he’s ever seen, hovers over him. His eyes are soft, looking at them with some semblance of pity. 

He hates that. He hates that so much.

“We’re fine,” he snaps, pulling himself into a standing position. Or, at least, trying to. It’s kind of hard with the excess weight on his front. 

The man doesn’t answer, just helps En readjust and stand up straight. “Your neighbor, Naomi, asked me to find you two.” He bends down. “How long have you been out here?”

En squints his eyes. He really shouldn’t be talking to a stranger, but he seems nice. Childishly, he hopes the man will help them. It’s this childishness that wins out and indulges the man to some answers. 

“Uh….” he tries to think back. “What day is it?”

“That’s all I need to know.” He takes a cloth out of his jacket pocket. Carefully he reaches over to wipe at En’s face. “Your face is a little dirty. Hope you don’t mind me cleaning it.”

En’s too shocked to do anything besides nod his head. The gesture is gentle and….nice….

“Nii-Chan,” Izuku whines, little legs digging into his sides. “Who’s that?”

The man chuckles. “I’m a pro hero-”

At those magic words, En’s and his brother’s eyes go wide. They glance at each other, wordlessly carrying on an entire conversation. 

“Really!?” En asks. “That’s soooo cool! Me and my brother love heroes! What’s your hero name?”

“Lariat.”

“Oh, like the rope?”

The man, Lariat, laughs at that. “Yeah, kid, just like the rope. But you can call me Daigoro, or Banjo. Doesn’t matter to me, as long as you don’t call me late to dinner.” 

En stares blankly at Lariat, or Banjo, or Daigoro (there’s too many names to keep track of). Even Izuku, who once laughed at his own reflection in a spoon, is completely silent. 

“Sorry, bad joke.” he claps his hands. “Anyways, I’m here to take you both somewhere safe.”

“Where’s that?” En asks, warily eyeing the man’s movements. One hand remains firmly on his brother’s head, shielding him in the event that Lariat is actually insane. 

“My place!” Lariat says with way too much enthusiasm (though, En is starting to suspect that might just be his default).

En follows Lariat out of the alleyway, clutching his baby brother close. His back aches, likely from a mix of carrying Izuku and the heavier backpack, but he can’t bring himself to put his brother down. 

“Where’s that?” He asks.

“It’s a few cities away, Musutafu. It’s nice there, you’ll like it.” 

There’s no one outside the alley, the city winding down from the day. It feels surreal, like a liminal space that knows no bounds and isn’t beholden to the laws of their reality. The orange glow from the street lights aren’t helping matters. 

“How are we going to get there? I don’t think the buses operate this- hey!”

A tentacle-like appendage wraps around his chest, sending him flying right into Lariat’s arms. He goes to tighten his (ever-increasing) hold on Izuku, except the appendage has already beaten him to it - wrapped securely around both of them, keeping them safe. 

“Is-is that your quirk?” En asks, heart thundering in his chest. 

“Black whip!” Lariat announces, jovially. “It’s very versatile! I can stop criminals and save civilians at the exact same time.”

Still in shock, he nods. 

At least his baby brother seems to enjoy being thrown through the air. Kind of. It’s a little hard to tell the difference between squeals of joy and squeals of terror, especially when his heart refuses to calm down. 

“It takes some getting used to, but I’m sure you’ll get there. It’s a very inexpensive way to travel, not to mention fun!”

En has hardly processed the strange man’s words, before the weightless feeling returns. 

-x-x-x-

Somewhere between the city he’s grown up in and Musutafu, En falls back asleep. The constantly being thrown through the air, tucked against Lariat’s chest, isn’t that hard to get used to. If he ignores the gnawing anxiety surrounding heights and sudden drops, he kind of likes it. 

It’s been a long time since he’s been held. 

Longer still since anyone’s made him feel just the tiniest bit safe.

Mixed with the familiar chatter of city life, it doesn’t take long for his eyes to grow heavy and head to loll forward, bumping against Izuku’s mess of curls. 

-x-x-x-

En wakes up on a bed, alone. Morning light blinds him when he opens his eyes. He groans, sitting up. Stretching his arms high above his head, he takes in his surroundings. 

This isn’t mom and dad’s room…?

There’s not the tell-tale picture of their small family collecting dust on his dad’s nightstand, the heavy scent of rose perfume, mom likes to douse herself in, or the ever-growing pile of laundry in the furthest most corner of the room. 

This room is larger, less familiar, but somehow more homey-feeling. 

He slides off the bed, still dressed in his clothes from yesterday. If he remembers right, a strange, very energetic man in a leather jacket took him and-

For the first time since waking up, En remembers he is, in fact, not an only child and panics. There’s no sign of Izuku here, so where could he be? He looks towards the door that probably leads to the rest of the apartment? House? A cabin in the woods? 

He isn’t one hundred percent sure where they are, just that it isn’t familiar. 

En creeps to the door, steadying himself to face Lariat and run away. Coming here was a giant mistake. His parents taught him better than accepting a stranger’s invitation to go home with them. He can just picture his mom’s scathing words and even more scathing look for getting him and his brother into this mess. 

What if Lariat is a human trafficker?

He worries his bottom lip, hand hovering over the doorknob. 

What if he’s a serial killer? Or worse…..

His thoughts trail off, not wanting to finish that particular thought. Better not to think about that unless it happens. 

His hand makes contact with the doorknob-

The door suddenly opens, slamming right into En. He hits the wall, falling on his side. “Hey, kid- Oh, no! Are you okay?” Lariat kneels down next to him. He helps him sit up, gingerly brushing En’s bangs back. “Sorry, kiddo, didn’t see you there.”

Tears prick the corners of his eyes, his body aches badly, but he really, really doesn’t want to look like a baby. He sniffles, forcing himself to nod. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“I hit you pretty hard with the door. Do you want some ice?” Lariat eyes him nervously, panic clear in his eyes. 

“No, I’m okay.”

The man doesn’t look convinced, but he backs off anyways. He helps En up. “Okay, but let me know if you need anything for the pain. I came in here to tell you breakfast is done. Your brother has been eyeing the pancakes, so if you want any I would get to the kitchen fast.”

��Oh, you made us breakfast…?” He asks, an odd feeling welling up in his chest. 

“Yep!”

-x-x-x-

In the kitchen, En breathes in the heavenly scent of bacon and pancakes. After making sure his brother’s food is cut up into manageable pieces, he takes a single pancake and piece of bacon for himself. 

As delicious as everything smells, it would be rude of him to eat more than his fair share. 

They all sit together-Lariat (“you can call me Banjo, kiddo!”), his baby brother, and he-around a small dining table. In place of a highchair or booster seat, Izuku is seated on a stack of encyclopedias and phone books. He would think it is funny, but he himself has to kneel on a copy of Pride and Prejudice to be able to reach the table. 

“So,” Lar- Banjo starts, “how long have you kids been on your own?”

The question nearly makes En choke on his pancake. He finishes chewing what’s in his mouth before answering. “A week, week-and-a-half.”

“Do you have any extended family?”

“I-I think we have an uncle on our dad’s side, but dad used to say he's coo-coo for cocoa puffs.”

Banjo snorts. Seeing En’s confused look, he composes himself. “Sorry, sorry. When you say that, what do you mean?”

“He’s very clingy,” En says, shrugging his shoulders. Their uncle has always been a sore subject for their dad. It was one of the only things that could send him into an anxiety attack. Well, that and confined spaces. 

“Ah, I see. Well, I’ll try to track your mother down. Until then, you two can stay with me.”

“Yay!” Izuku squeals, smiling widely. Syrup stains his hands, face, and hair. “Nii-Chan, food! Yummy, yummy food!” He pats the table with his sticky hands for good measure.

“Izuchan,” he scolds, lightly (of course, because he could never bring himself to actually shout at his adorable baby brother), “look how messy you’ve gotten.”

His brother proceeds to try to see himself, eyes rolling up and down in an effort to see his own messy face. 

“‘Zuchan,” he giggles. His stomach gurgles, making him quiet. He looks down at his empty plate. 

Three more pancakes and two strips of bacon are put on his plate. En tilts his head at Banjo, brain unable to process what he’s doing. 

“Eat your fill. Plenty to go around here.”

Without another word, he digs into the proffered food. 

-x-x-x-

En stares at the bathtub filled with soapy water. His little brother hits the surface of the water with his palms, grinning from ear-to-ear. His wet hair sticks to his forehead, and he has to keep brushing the stray pieces away to be able to see. 

“Nii-Nii, look! Lots of bubbles!” 

He nods, giving Izuku two thumbs up. 

Banjo chuckles, sitting on the floor next to the tub. He pokes Izuku’s button nose, leaving behind some bubbles. 

It hadn’t been the original plan for En to go first, but Izuku’s never bathed anywhere besides their apartment. And he got scared when the water was turned on, hiding behind his big brother. 

So, even though Izuku was the messier of the two of them, he got out of bath time (for ten minutes, but ten minutes in toddler time is different from older people time). 

He sits on a stool that Banjo dragged in from the kitchen, kicking his legs. His old clothes were dirty, so he dug through their backpacks to find a couple clean outfits. 

“Here,” he says, holding an outfit out in front of him. 

Banjo murmurs a thank you, toweling off Izuku. 

-x-x-x-

“Are you sure you don’t need me to help?” En asks, shuffling nervously outside the bedroom door. His baby brother stands next to him, their dad’s old, light blue jacket is so big on him that it hangs below his knees. 

Banjo looks up from the mess of furniture parts. “I’m sure, kiddo. Why don’t you take your brother outside to play.”

He frowns. They aren’t as familiar with this city; the area could be dangerous. 

“The city’s safer than the one you came from,” Banjo reassures, probably sensing his growing worry. “I think there’s a park a few blocks away. Why don’t you take you and your brother there? Come back before sundown.”

En is hesitant to leave. 

What if they got hurt? Or Banjo up and leaves them? He doesn’t want to come home to another empty apartment, with a letter filled with excuses and a measly amount of money on the dining room table. 

But what if Banjo gets so annoyed with them that he locks them out?

In that case, maybe they should leave for the park. 

“Nii-Chan?” His brother asks. 

His train of thought is derailed; his brother once again saves him from a downward spiral. 

“Sorry, Izu. Alright, we’ll go to the park. But you have to promise you’ll still be here when we get back.”

Banjo freezes, putting down the instruction manual he was reading. “Where else would I be?” 

En still isn’t fully convinced; his mom said the same thing and look where they are now. But acting suspicious is not a privilege he or Izuku can cling to, so he takes his brother’s hand and leads him out the door.

-x-x-x-

It takes a while to actually find the park. When Banjo said, ‘a few blocks away,’ he should have asked in which direction. Backtracking aside, the park is nice. It’s fairly small and doesn’t seem to be that busy, which strikes En as odd - it’s three in the afternoon on a Friday, but maybe school doesn’t let out until later here. 

His brother giggles as he races for the jungle gym. 

Out of habit, En chases after him. “I’m gonna get you!” He sing-songs.

“No!” Izuku bursts into a fit of giggles. “Nii-Chan, can’t get me !”

“Oh, yes, he can!” He shoots back, climbing the stairs to the playscape two at a time. 

-x-x-x-

They play until the sky turns into a mish-mash of oranges, purples, blues, and pinks.The sun is barely peeking out of the horizon. 

En ushers his brother off the playscape (more like drags him off), and leads him by the hand back to Banjo’s apartment. 

Once there, both boys are greeted with a heavenly aroma of a home-cooked meal. 

“Can you set the table, En?” Banjo asks, finishing up on the fried rice. The pork rolls sit on a plate next to the stove, cooling. 

“Me, me!” Izuku shouts, stepping from foot to foot. “What about me? I wanna help too!”

Banjo hums, tapping a finger to his chin. “Hm….would you like to help me do the dishes after we’re finished eating?”

From his place, laying out the plates and silverware, En watches his brother’s face light up. He chuckles. Another thing little Izuku has taken from their father - his (almost) impulsive need to be of service. Although….

He looks down at the plate in his hands, staring at his too-pale, too-sad reflection. Maybe they both inherited that part of their father’s personality?

En puts the last plate down, just as Banjo places steaming platters of fried rice and pork rolls. “Thanks for setting the table. It looks…” he seems to mull over the word that would best fit. 

“Okay?” En asks.

“Mmmm….”

“Cool!” Izuku supplies helpfully. He stands beside his chair, unable to climb up himself. “Nii-Chan is the bestest at everything! ”

“ Funky! ” Banjo says, patting him on the back. 

En narrows his eyes, tilting his head to one side. “That’s….that’s good…?”

“Very!”

“Ah,” he says, falling back into his own chair. He hardly notices the presence of the countless books underneath him (keyword being: hardly). They’re still something of a bother, sharp corners of old novels dig into his thin, bony legs. But the pain is negligible in the face of the praise he received and the taste of warm, homemade food on his tongue. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs during a lull in conversation. 

Banjo smiles. “I’m glad I found you boys before-” he clears his throat, cutting himself off. His smile falls, turning not exactly into a frown but fairly close. 

“Banjo…?” En asks. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no,” the man reassures, though from the unsettled look on his face, En doesn’t believe him. “Just thinking about adult things.”

“Like what?” Izuku asks through a mouthful of food. 

“Ick! Gross, Izu!” En sticks his tongue out, face scrunching up. No matter how many times he, or his parents scold his brother for talking with food in his mouth, he never listens. 

“Taxes, mostly.”

“Ah,” Izuku murmurs. “Taxes.” He nods at his plate. Eyes serious, he glances over at En. “We have taxes, huh, Nii-Chan?”

“No, we’re too young. I think.”

“Ah, okay!”

En feels the ice surrounding his heart melt, just a little. Maybe Banjo isn't so bad. At the very least it wouldn't hurt to put some trust into the man sitting across from them, he is taking care of them. For his brother. 

All for him. 

-c-c-c-

(Continue reading here if you want a more angsty, ambiguous ending. Not posted on Ao3, because I wanted at least one of my stories to have a happyish ending :D The trigger warnings for this part of the story are: kidnapping, anxiety attacks, small children in distress, and referenced/implied death.)

Living with Banjo is not so bad. The man is friendly and makes sure they go to bed and school with full stomachs. And, more importantly, he’s always there when En and his brother return from school. (Well, Izuku’s more in daycare, but the sentiment is the same). 

After homework and a snack, En likes to take his brother down to the playground. It remains empty no matter the time of day, but he has to admit, having a playground all to themselves, is extremely cool. Sometimes he likes to pretend they’re kings or emperors of an exciting land. 

He hangs on the monkey bars. Izuku watches him with rapt fascination. “Go, Nii-Chan!” He shouts. 

En smiles, dropping to the ground in front of his brother. “I can almost cross all the monkey bars!” He proudly proclaims, pointing a thumb at himself. 

Izuku claps his hands. “Yay! Can you chase me now? Please?” His green hair flops over his eyes as he tilts his head. 

En sighs, throwing his hands up in a show of fake exasperation. If there ever comes a day where he doesn’t want to chase his little brother, then he’s probably been replaced with a clone, or a doppelganger, or….hmm…he tries to think of more things he might hypothetically be replaced by. 

“Ennnn,” Izuku calls, using the same tone he uses when being forced to interact with strangers. The name, his name, sounds weird coming from his brother. It’s abnormal and, in an instant, En is on guard. 

He turns to where his brother’s looking and sees a very tall man. The man smiles at him, waving. This is the first person they’ve seen at this park since they started coming here three months ago. And the fact that it’s a grown-up, doesn’t sit right with En. 

Especially considering there’s not much to do while sitting on the bench.

(Unless you consider sitting and staring at children a hobby….)

Maybe it’s his nerves, or an embedded, cultural need to be polite, but En finds himself waving back. “Hello, sir!” He calls. 

The man must take that as his signal because he strolls over to them, pace unhurried and unbothered. “Hello,” he says. 

“Hi,” Izuku murmurs, peeking out from behind his older brother.

The man glances at Izuku. His eyes widen for a second, but it’s so fast En almost thinks he imagined it. Almost.

“What are your names?” The man asks, kneeling down. His voice is sugary sweet, soothing, and deep. 

Izuku starts to speak, but En is faster.

“I’m Roku, and he’s Ku.”

The man tilts his head. An amused expression takes over his face. “Ah, okay, Roku and Ku.” He stands. “Well, six and nine, I’m Shigaraki Hisashi.”

That name is…familiar. Where has he heard it from?

Izuku squirms behind him. Apparently all previous apprehension is now gone. He slips under En’s arm. “Hi, Mister Shigaraki. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, both of you.”

En shivers, stepping back. As subtle as he can, he drags his brother back by the shirt collar. “Yeah….you too.”

Shigaraki-San looks around. “Where’s your boys’ parents?”

“Close by,” En answers immediately. “They’ll be back any minute.” Izuku gives him a confused look. There’s a tug on his jeans that he pointedly ignores, placing a gentle hand on his brother’s head. 

“Uh huh.” Shigaraki-San taps a finger to his chin, humming. “They seem to be taking their time, aren’t they?”

Izuku rocks backwards on his heels, obviously losing his battle to be quiet. 

“Maybe,” En says. “We don’t live too far away. If they take too long, me and Iz- Ku can walk home.” He doesn’t understand why he’s explaining himself to the man, but he’d do anything to get him to leave them alone. There’s something very, very wrong with him. 

“I can walk you both home.”

“No, we’re okay. We want to keep playing.”

“It’s no trouble, and the sun looks like it’s close to setting. You both should go home and eat dinner.”

En takes another step back, dragging his little brother along. “I said, we’re fine. Please, leave us alone.”

The smile falls off Shigaraki-San’s face. It’s replaced by a scowl. “I tried to be nice,” he mutters, seemingly to himself, before taking a step closer (with his long legs, each of his steps equals six of En’s, or ten of Izuku’s). “Come along now.”

En half-carries, half-drags Izuku towards Banjo’s apartment. He runs as fast as he’s able to. They’re still three blocks away, but if he can duck into one of the stores or restaurants, then maybe they can lose him. 

Strong arms wrap around his midsection. They grab onto Izuku and him, restraining them. “Come along now,” Shigaraki-San repeats, voice no longer sugary sweet. 

-x-x-x-

Shigaraki-San carries them a few blocks away before stuffing them into a sleek black car. Any attempts to call for help are met with a light pop to the mouth, a warning. And by the time they’re being buckled in, En has no more fight left. Not that Izuku is any better, clinging to his big brother.

After they’re settled, Shigaraki-San slides in next to them. He snaps his fingers, and En realizes for the first time that the three of them aren’t alone. Up front, in the driver’s seat, somebody sits, awaiting instructions. 

“Take us to the base thirty miles west of here.”

As the car starts, Shigaraki-San sits back. He looks at them, a fond smile on his face. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

En hunches into himself, using his arms to bring his brother closer and shield him from the evil-doer next to them.

Shigaraki-San chuckles, but seems to get the hint. He starts to small talk with the driver. 

“E-” his brother almost says his name, but stops himself. “Roku, what about daddy?”

En bristles at that. “That man is not our dad, Ku.” He makes sure to lean down, close to his brother’s ear, and keeps his voice quiet. His heart hurts as he says that, but it’s hardly been three months. It feels disrespectful to their real father’s memory - even if he did leave them.

Izuku twists away. “You’re mean!” He shouts. 

This draws Shigaraki-San’s attention. “Who’s mean?” He asks Izuku.

Izuku, with all the energy of a little sibling trying to get the older one in trouble, points at En. His bottom lip juts out. “Him.”

Despite the circumstance, En scoffs. Everything feels so wrong and weird and he feels bad for saying-

“I remember the days back when my little brother would tattle on me,” Shigaraki-San says. “You’ll miss it one day, but for now, do try to get along.” He turns back to his conversation with the driver. 

En’s mouth opens and closes. What- what just happened?

Izuku huffs, but leans into his space. “I still wanna go home,” he murmurs, almost too quiet for En to hear. 

“I know,” he murmurs back. 

They settle into an uneasy silence, listening to their captor talk animatedly about the weather for the upcoming week. 

-x-x-x-

At some point, he must have dozed off, because the next thing En knows, he’s waking up in a bed. This isn’t his bed at Banjo’s a-

He jolts upward. 

Memories come flooding back. The park! The man took them! 

He looks around the room. He needs to find Izuku, and leave!

His eyes catch a tiny bit of movement from across the room. Tufts of green hair poke out from under a comforter decorated with pictures of ducklings. 

His brother…..

….his brother’s okay. 

En sighs in relief. At least that mystery is solved.

But they still need to leave. 

He slides out of bed, and quietly tip-toes his way over to the other bed. Tentatively, he reaches for the covers, hands trembling from the amount of adrenaline coursing through his body. His fingers ghost over the blanket-

“Hello, En,” Shigaraki-San greets. 

A light clicks on, revealing the man sitting in a rocking chair in the opposite corner of the room. A book with more pages than En has ever been able to read in his lifetime, sits on his lap. He sits close to the door. 

Escape was never an option. 

“Who are you!? How do you know my name? I-I never told you that.”

The man shushes him, pointing to Izuku’s sleeping form. “I’ve been…hm….observing Izuku and you for a while now. Ever since my idiotic brother got himself killed trying to protect what’s his face?” He taps his chin, as if trying to conjure the name to his head.

En blinks. “What does that have to do with me and my brother?” Shigaraki-San might be crazier than he previously thought. 

“Everything,” he answers. “Well, mostly everything.” Shigaraki-San puts his book on a side table before getting to his feet. “I’m your uncle.”

En shrinks back. 

Wrong! Something about this is wrong, with a capital W!

“My dad told me you’re crazy.”

“Ah, Yoichi. He was always saying things like that.” He stands in front of En. “My little brother and I often had disagreements about what was best for him.”

En stares at the man’s chest, unable to force himself to look up (and up and up) at his piercing red eyes. “Our dad knew everything,” he says, with all the conviction of a child holding onto the delusion that their parents are infallible. 

Shigaraki-San chuckles, patting his head. “I’m sure he thought so.” He kneels down to be at eye-level with En, making it hard to avoid the man’s gaze. His expression twists into something more serious. “But he was wrong.”

En bites his tongue, willing himself to not make things worse. It’s not only himself he has to watch out for. He has no idea how crazy Shigaraki-San really is, and if even half the stories their father told are true, then….

…..then, he needs to maintain his composure. 

Shigaraki-San must take his silence as En agrees with him, because he continues on. (Or he just doesn’t care, which is probably the correct option). He sighs, placing a faux-gentle hand on En’s tiny shoulder. “My brother was….smart and kind and I’m sure he loved you boys very much, but in the end, he still left you both.”

En jolts back, as if slapped. It was one thing to think such things to yourself but a whole other thing to hear someone else say it. “No,” he whispers, bottom lip quivering. 

“Yes, En-Chan, he left you both and got himself killed.”

“No,” En repeats. 

“He got himself killed trying to protect….hm…what’s his name again? 

En shakes his head. “Stop.”

“Ah, I remember now. The “Black Whip” hero.”

Despite his slow spiral into hysterics, En finds himself blinking slowly up at the (much) taller man. “Do you mean Banjo?”

Shigaraki-San shrugs. “His name is irrelevant to me.”

“B-but my dad told me that knowing someone’s name is respectful.”

“Yes, I taught him that.”

“Then, shouldn’t you-”

For the second time, he shrugs his shoulders. “Like I said, irrelevant to me.” Before En can retort to that particular remark, his self-proclaimed “uncle” scoops him up and puts him back into bed. 

He’s tucked in tight, the soft fabric of the comforter tickles his chin. “Sleep-tight,” Shigaraki-San says, patting him on the head. He then leans in to kiss his forehead. “You both have a long day ahead tomorrow. Try to get some sleep.”

He leaves, though En remains vigilant, watching his brother’s sleeping form. 

Shigaraki-San’s words don’t hit him until later on, his eyes heavy with sleep. But Banjo-the man who took them in and seemed a stable enough environment-was the one who got their dad killed. In a roundabout way-if what Shigaraki-San says is true-then he's the sole reason En and his brother’s life has been hell. He’s the reason that mom left and hasn’t come back. 

With his remaining energy, En cries himself to sleep.

-x-x-x-

A city away, Banjo finds himself on the phone with the police. It’s like pulling teeth, slow and excruciating, to go through the proper channels. He knows he shouldn’t have left those boys unsupervised. 

All for One isn’t known for giving up. Yoichi told him that. 

The mind-numbing bureaucracy isn’t helping him any. And it definitely isn’t helping those boys either. He hangs up. If the police won’t do anything, then it’s up to him (both as a hero and unofficial legal guardian) to rescue them. 

If he remembers correctly, All for One has three main bases (Information on their whereabouts given to him second-hand by a dying Yoichi). It’s a toss-up if the boys are being kept at any of them, but he has to try. 

For them.

[quiet-in-the-wild]

I did a tarot reading today- a spread came across my explore page on instagram & it felt relevant.

I didn’t take a photo of it like I usually do - it was dark And I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it at first. The spread was all about discovering your wish.

1. A message for your future self - the wording kinda threw me off on this one so I took it to mean - guidance to be aware of as you move forward

I got the 4 of pentacles. Which is financial insecurity, scarcity, financial hoarding - and after I finished the other cards I understood this meaning so I’ll share it at the end

2. A card to remind me of my unique traits

King of pentacles. Everything you touch turns to gold. You’re skilled, & talented, you’re ambitious, yet generous & responsible- a provider. Your talents are what bring you material wealth. Revel in abundance & confidence.

Ambition is what I really took from this one- I used to be so ambitious and I’ve let my ambitions become smaller & smaller over the years. I felt like my health wouldn’t allow me, moving around all the time wouldn’t allow me to do anything really. & that’s not true. I’m not running out of time. I have something exciting- a big dream that I haven’t really let myself fully dream.

3. A card to represent a dream I currently wish to manifest

8 of pentacles. This one made me laugh. I literally have been wishing that I could just devote more time to focus on my work. Just me writing no distractions.

I have this issue with working- my wife works on time zone that is 4 hours a head of ours. So she’s done with work at 2pm. I’m such a slow starter in the mornings so it takes me until noon to be coherent. So by the time I’m ready for work she’s worked an entire day & wants to hang out, leave the house do stuff. So we do- and then I don’t really get to work. Sometimes I’ll work at night but it’s chaotic. We’re usually watching shows, she wants to talk & spend quality time together. And then she goes to bed & then I stay up about an hour (I need a lot of sleep) and the whole thing starts over again.

But this card is telling me I need to express my wish of having focus time. Where I can regularly devote hours on my work. It’s the only way I’ll achieve this dream of writing & illustrating this book. I need to treat my creative process with respect.

4. A card to represent an omen of good luck. - sign or symbol

Knight of pentacles. Slow & steady. Committed, striking a balance of energetic fire (knight) and steady long term earth (pentacles) patience, hard work & knowing that the seeds of inspiration will only grow if you tend to them.

So that comes back to the first card. A message or guidance to be aware of

4 of pentacles. It suddenly hit me. It’s all pointing to keep focused on my long term goal- don’t get swept up in this feeling of money insecurity of like- rushing out to find some part time job because I’m worried I’m not pulling my weight enough financially, and I’m miserable & exhausted & my health is failing me, and not bringing any long term financial security. I’m just acting out of fear & guilt.

Just keep focused on the goal. To trust myself & my dream, trust that it will be a long process. & to respect and find joy in that process

[atouuugenei]

07.06.2024

9:12

Another one.

For some reason harry potter was there for a bit. We were in some underground facility where everyone talked about how the old ceo sucked and the new one was nicer but sucked at his job.

We get like a flashback to the old ceo ruining a cave for the facility or whatever. To be honest I have no clue what they were even doing its like they were tearing down giant structures that kinda looked like beds or something.

Suddenly I’m with my dad in a car and we’re driving. I think he switched cars like 4 times but I only remember like 2. All were like super dark and driving with him felt super uncomfortable like he was hiding something. In the third car we started driving through a school and he started talking about it like he worked there (my father is an educator but this particular high school he literally never worked at in his life). So he parked the car and we just walked around a bit seeing students preparing for one of our native festivals and stuff and while doing that I ran into a person I know (who oddly enough was in my last dream as well which was only a few hours ago). So my dad let me talk to him and he left. We just hung out a but and were messing around. By messing around I mean parkouring through the school to get to the front; pushing through kids, jumping over walls and what not; you know the deal. I told him this is why I could not ever go to a public high school and he agreed as if this was a normal occurrence. So I got back in a different car with my dad and this ride felt even more uncomfortable. For some reason mid ride the radio started freaking out, and it felt like we were walking, from inside the car. We were on this dark sketchy road under a bridge and we passed a sketchy looking gas station (remember this for later). So since dreams suck at transitions I’m home suddenly.

At home our current efficiency is not there yet and my father still has his old office and there is an air bed taking up most the space. My father is not home. It’s me my brother and my mom. Something is extremely off about my brother. He’s in my dads office and the office is covered with this clear sticky residue and it looks like it’s coming from his spit; and already he after and looked off so I left him alone and went into my room after a bit. Suddenly now we’re all eating and my father is home briefly and I start getting calls from my best friend (who is trans but her parents don’t know this only a few of her friends do). I cannot answer the calls at the moment so instead she send voicemails. I go back into my room after my dad leaves to listen to them and she starts saying her parents found out which terrified both of us. After listening to the messages my mom walks in my room to say shes going out. At this point I’m afraid of my father, my brother, and the fact that my best friend is very likely in danger. I ask my mom how long she will be gone for and she responds sighing telling me the while day which is extremely unusual for her. Usually when i’m left home ti babysit my brother or on my own my parents are only out for a few hours at most. A whole day and we spend it at our grandmas place. At this point I was scared out of my mind to be left alone with whatever it was in the house posing as my little brother.

Another awful transition and I’m inside that gas station from earlier. It was run down and gloomy from the inside too. There were no cashiers or anything just this eerie groaning and buzzing sound surrounding me. I decided to go outside and it was like crimson red outside. And on the ground were rotting corpses but they were moving. I think i’m too into resident evil because i did not know what it n the leon kennedy was happening at this point. Considering the fact that the dream continued that means I didn’t try to wake myself up and I was more confused than scared.

Still outside the gas station, I suddenly had a gun how convenient. At first I thought it wasn’t working but it just fired bullets really slowly. Same went for the gun the literal undead corpse had as well for some reason. I had some people helping me by shooting however they couldn’t dodge the bullets themselves. One of them was a girl frim my church AGAIN. So while i was shooting I was also helping them dodge bullets.

After I few minutes of this I woke up in confusion.

9:35

[nielsbrabants]

Leaving Taul Paul

Prologue 

So I’m sitting in this plane, crying a little, looking at the industrial airport site through the small window – it’s getting dark now – waiting for takeoff, leaving America. 

Some hours later. The plane hangs in the sky. It’s pitch black outside, my window still uncovered, because I love the view, even though there’s nothing to see. It reminds me of the fact that I’m literally flying above the ocean, hundreds of miles above it, at a speed I can barely imagine. I’m writing this. I promised Paul I would do so. I also just want to, want to maintain the memories. Mom is sitting next to me, watching this bad Disney-bullshit film playing on the way too small screen that’s hanging in the aisle. I’m drinking Budweiser (last one?) and enjoying the turbulence. A couple of days ago, probably the evening in the park, Paul and I were talking about aircraft turbulence, he said he loved it, I agreed. We said it’s a shame so many people dislike it. I remember him saying ‘it’s the best part of it all.’

Tuesday, September 1, 2015 

We’re leaving for New York. We being me and mom. I couldn’t sleep last night. I stayed up for a long time, drinking tea and eating cookies with my Chilean friend Pablo and a friend of his. I get up at five, after having slept maybe an hour, and start getting ready for the cab. 

Our cab driver is this amazing guy, friendly and funny, very social but in a cool way, we talk about the refugee crisis. Normally I can’t stand cab drivers, but this one is just great, and before dropping us of, he asks to take a selfie with us. At the airport I run into this model guy, C, who lives in New York. I only know him vaguely, and he tells us he’s traveling to Istanbul, but he is very sweet and takes the time to write down all of his favorite New York spots. 

First a two hour flight to Madrid, then eight long hours to New York, crappy airline. No food on the plane to Madrid, some annoying girls sitting next to us. When we almost arrive in Madrid they start screaming enthusiastically, about how they’re seeing the desert. No vegetarian food on the plane to New York, so I am starving quite seriously. I don’t sleep during the flight, I’m a bad sleeper and I need a bed, mom sleeps a good while. I just watch the second Avengers film. 

In New York we take a cab to the Airbnb, the driver charging us over a hundred dollars over budget, we’re both too tired to comment on this, end up in a fight with the driver anyway. Pizza in Union City, the Latin neighborhood where we’re staying. Meeting our hosts, the sweetest couple, T and N, he’s a painter, she just hangs around. We have two separate bedrooms with two double beds, which is good, comfortable. Shared kitchen (small but cozy, with this big mirror and a lot of light wood) and bathroom. No idea how everything exactly works with the time zone system, but it’s almost midnight here in the USA, which means it’s Wednesday morning Belgian time, and we’ve had a very, very long day. I lay down and Tinder a little, so many guys, I want to meet people while here, and fall asleep exhausted.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015 

I don’t do all too much today, still kinda dazed from the flight. In the morning I take a walk to the nearest supermarket, to get us some breakfast and to explore the neighborhood. The supermarket is a total disaster, with no whole foods, no normal bread or cheese, everything flavored. Mom and I socialize with the hosts, unpack. In the evening we go to this Mexican restaurant T advised us. They have this amazing view over the water and the New York skyline, very good guacamole. I can’t order a margarita, so I get kind of scared it won’t be possible for me to go to bars or clubs, to try the typical American beers, things like that, which would be very disappointing. 

I chat with this guy on Tinder who looks like a modern Kurt Cobain and seems cool and intelligent. He directs fashion films and then says he’s the creative director of iD-magazine, which impresses me a little. Too bad he’s a Londoner and already at the airport, heading back to Europe. He seems like a nice guy, we agree to meet in Paris someday. (Even though I have no fucking idea where I’d get the money to make this quick weekendtrip to Paris, just to have coffee with this cool guy.) I’m getting quite a list of Tinder-matches by now.

Thursday, September 3, 2015 

In Union City I finally go get two phones, accompanied by T. We have to wait for forever in the store, and it’s kinda late, somewhere around seven p.m., but T is telling me this whole story about him taking ayahuasca in the Peruvian jungle a couple of months ago, and it’s fascinating to listen to.

Back at the apartment I answer this guy on Tinder who seems cool, a DJ. We don’t really talk that much but he seems easygoing and chill, and I really just want to meet him, he’s not being complicated or whiny or anything, just like ‘let’s meet and cuddle’ and I like people with an attitude like that. Some problems with getting texts through, his phone dies and I don’t have WhatsApp. When we finally get in touch properly it’s almost midnight. He asks me if I want to come to this hotel, The Standard, where he’s in a club, and we agree to meet in the lobby, at one a.m. It’s midnight, Thursday ends, and I go out. 

Friday, September 4, 2015 

So there I am, a Belgian kid in this huge city, no idea where I’m going, to meet some guy I don’t know at all, on my second day in the States. Given the circumstances, you probably get me when I say I am a little nervous. When I get out of the subway station I have no idea where I am, so I ask this really friendly woman how I should walk. Her hair is dyed orange and she’s walking her dog. She gives me very clear instructions and accompanies me for a couple of blocks. She asks me why I’m going to The Standard, so I say I’m meeting this guy. She asks if it’s a friend and I have to admit it’s a Tinder date, I don’t really know the guy at all. She tells me I should always use condoms, thinks, and then says I should always make sure they’re wearing a condom. I’m a little insulted she assumes I’m a bottom, but then I also just am, and I can’t really blame her for guessing correctly. So I assure her I’m always safe, tell her I’m the friend who’s always handing out condoms.

We split our paths and I enter this hip, kinda posh neighborhood, a lot of nightlife, clubs with lines of dressed-up New Yorkers waiting outside, trying to get in. I finally get to the hotel, which is an impressive and very modern, tall building. Walk around, find the lobby, go inside and sit down in this leather chair, all very design and trendy. I’m the only one in the lobby, next to the guy behind the desk, who’s ignoring me, which I don’t mind. From where I sit there’s a perfect view into this lounge bar, dimly lit in purple, a DJ is playing really bad house music. I send Paul a text, saying I’m there. It’s almost exactly one o’clock. No answer. I feel tense. A feeling I normally don’t have this badly on dates, but it’s probably contextual here. Scanning everybody who comes down the stairs or enters through the glass doors. After fifteen minutes, and being asked what exactly I’m doing in the lobby by a staff member, I send Paul another text, stating that I’m gonna wait another fifteen minutes before leaving. No answer.

I feel sad and alone, and underdressed in my loose tank top and skinny jeans, imagine leaving in another fifteen minutes and going home, thirty minutes on the subway and then a bus. I feel so uncomfortable in the lobby, so I leave and continue my waiting outside. Leaning against The Standard hotel, a couple of meters next to the entrance of the club, Le Bain. A whole line of all dressed-up kids waiting to get in, me just waiting for this guy to exit. It’s twenty past one. I seriously consider leaving, notice these two older drunks sitting in a car, watching everyone who’s passing by. This drunk girl starts a fight with the bouncer of Le Bain, she just keeps screaming that he’s a fucking fat-ass bouncer guy, which is more a fact than an insult. She leaves. The two older guys are still there.

I get this text and feel so incredibly relieved. Paul is sorry, he was DJing, he’ll be out in a couple of minutes. We text some more while he’s still inside, doing whatever, joking about me being an undercover cop trying to get into the club via him. He finally arrives, hugs me as a greet. The first things I notice are that he is a really tall guy (like really really tall) and that he’s dressed very cool, this funky streetwear kinda vibe. His face is not a classical pretty face, it’s kinda robust, he strikes me as very attractive. He takes me inside, says something about his office, takes me into the hotel lobby restroom, locks the door. I have no idea what the fuck is going on, he shows me this ID of some guy named Jeffrey, tells me I have to study it to get into the club. I memorize the guy’s name and date of birth, we walk to the club, Paul knows the bouncer so we just walk passed the line, the guy barely looks at my ID. We take the elevator upstairs and then some stairs. While walking through the hallway, with the black and red graffiti walls, I keep thinking about how this reminds me of the “Bitch I’m Madonna” music video. Later I find out these are actually the staircases the video was filmed on.

Then we’re there, rooftop bar with an amazing view, 360 degrees New York skyline, I’m speechless. We sit down in the lounge chairs, drink beer, discuss movies and music, drink more beer, I meet his friends, talk about The Cramps and what’s our favorite vampire movies and then more personal things, his job, fashion, kind of everything. His friends leave, we go to this other part of the club inside, with leather chairs and a pool. The music is bad, we talk about Courtney Love and what she culturally represents, his body language is open and he turns me on, we get a little physical but it’s all very innocent. He has this relaxed and positive vibe. I can’t remember if we started kissing in the club or later at his place, I guess in the club. This random guy strips to his boxer and gets into the pool to impress the girl he’s with, then it’s four a.m. and the party ends, which is weird to me. In Belgium most parties last till at least six or seven a.m., sometimes till noon. 

We take a subway – it’s so damn hot in the underground station – and a cab to his place in New Jersey, without really discussing where we’re going or that I’m sleeping with him, no need to state the obvious. We go to his bedroom, which is filled with shoes and piles of vintage. Lay down on his bed, he starts up his Playstation. I ask if he’s a gamer, he says he is, he’s really into Madden. Usually I can’t stand gamers, but with him I like it, it adds this boyish dimension to his personality. But he’s not planning to game, he just puts on Netflix. Wants to show me this trashy reality show about hiphop-wives or something like that he’s really into. We watch the first minutes of the show then start having sex kinda right away. The sex is amazing and afterwards we watch this other reality show which is so over the top it’s constantly making me laugh. 

Paul wants to take me for brunch, since it’s afternoon and we’re both starving. He says first he needs to style me, because I need to look like a Jersey boy. I’m into this plan, but I tell him that since I’m half his size, he’s never gonna find something that fits me. Much to my surprise the guy comes up with this really cool, dressed down outfit that fits me perfectly, with washed jeans-shorts and a yellow Timberland-t-shirt. It looks very street and hetero and goes really well with my worn-out white Nikes and white Nike socks. Little busses to New Jersey. Shabby neighborhoods. Paul who tells me I should hide under a car if a shootout would occur. He tells me a lot about the economical situation in Jersey. Very cool brunch spot, called the Warehouse. Great minimal design, the best coffee I’ve ever had, cheddar-tomato sandwich and a croissant. Paul pays, very much to my discomfort. He puts me on a bus back to Union City, I don’t think he kissed me goodbye that day. On my way back I count the streets crossing New York avenue. 

Best day ever?

It’s not that late when I’m back at the Airbnb, around three p.m. I find mom in the kitchen with T and N. N comes laying on the bed with me. It’s cozy in a funny, off-the-record way. I tell everyone enthusiastically about my night. 

The plan of the evening is to go to this underground Bushwick show of a band my friend A back in Belgium is into. The band, Cigarettes After Sex, has a gentle sound which I’m not really into, but it still sounds like a fun plan, and it’s not like they are big enough to tour and come to Belgium anytime soon anyway. We’re meeting this girl I know vaguely from Belgium. She’s in New York to do runways for fashion week, which is starting in a couple of days. It’s weird how L and me, both underage, can get into the place and drink without problems. Probably because she’s a model, that stuff helps. When I order my second or third Pabst Blue Ribbon the bartender asks me if I’m 21. I say of course I am. He tells me he can see we’re just visiting the USA, so he doesn’t really care. He’s cool. Cigarettes After Sex sounds good live, but it’s still kinda boring. The next band is better, this really heavy grungy punk. The white basement isn’t all too crowded. We, the three Belgians, are the only ones dancing. I’d feel weird not dancing to music like that in a scene like this, being a little tipsy and all. After the show I convince L to go ask some model boy – Jackson? – his phone number. They agree to meet up sometime during fashion week, I don’t know how that went, haven’t heard from L since. Tired, train back home. 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Wake up around two in the afternoon, which means I’ve slept for over twelve hours. Probably needed that after my night with Paul, when I barely slept at all.

I have a lot of really hot matches on Tinder, they all seem interesting and cool. A bunch are asking me to meet up, which is tempting, but I don’t really feel like dating and meeting new people. Paul was so great and I just want to get to know him. Later he texts me, asking me if I don’t want to come to this club where he’s DJing. But I’m already in bed, tired, and I’m writing a long mail to this guy who’s travelling through Europe, so I tell him I can’t. We’re meeting tomorrow anyhow. 

Sunday, September 6, 2015 

Today the plan is to spend an afternoon in Williamsburg. Everyone’s saying you should go there on Sundays, that it’s a must do. It’s three in the afternoon when we leave the apartment. Two trains, forty-five minutes later, we’re finally at the station. The neighborhood looks boring and empty, so we walk up north. We walk for over an hour. Finally some really sweet guy who’s walking his mini dog tells us we’re in Crown Heights and not in Williamsburg. He checks our subway on his phone and tells us it’s another forty-five minutes. The afternoon drags on, we only arrive in Williamsburg after six. In a vintage store I find this crazy pair of pumps I make mom buy, they’re impossible to walk on. I buy a fluorescent Puma sweater. Williamsburg is dead by now.

Mom changes shoes before we enter the oyster place, where Paul is already having wine with his girlfriend, ‘the Bonnie to his Clyde.’ They both immediately notice the shoes. After I say I made mom buy them, they have to compliment my styling qualities. We have this big plate of oysters and a bottle of white wine. Afterwards Paul takes us to this Southern home cooking place, we haven’t really eaten anything since breakfast. The sweet potatoes are amazing, everything actually tastes amazing. Paul has to DJ in this bar called Beverlys, so we all take a cab. At first, in the bar, the mood is awkward. Mom and I both just standing there, nobody dancing, Paul is playing such amazing music. All my favorite tracks by The Smiths, The Cure, Iggy Pop, The Cramps, this Siouxie song he plays. After a while mom and I are dancing, the only ones once again. Then she gets tired and we get her an Uber. 

While standing outside with her, waiting for the car, I get a text from Paul saying my momma is ‘so so so cool.’ I go back in the club and dance some more, Paul tells me I can pick a song and I go for Radar Love by Golden Earring. Nobody here knows it’s from the Netherlands. I’m with Paul and these two girls, and I talk a little with this older guy. He’s wearing black nail polish, and he tells me he is Morissey’s tour photographer, shows me a whole bunch of pictures he has taken of Morissey, and tells me the guy doesn’t have cancer at all. 

We (Paul, the two girls and me) take an Uber to another club. Paul sits up front and plays music via Spotify. I sit in the back with the girls and we have this conversation about why we like Michelle Obama. The one girl reminds me of Lorde a lot. The club we go to is called Sway. A big place with Turkish interior design. I drink beer and a gin-tonic Paul gets me. I notice the scent of marihuana, and Paul tells me he’s going to try and fix a something for later on. A while later he shows me the joint he got us. The DJ plays all these Smiths songs. When I ask Paul, he tells me it’s a Smiths party, which makes sense. We dance on the way too crowded dancefloor, Paul is kissing and touching me roughly, he’s more drunk than I am, I don’t mind at all. When the party is over we take the train home. Me leaning against the wall in the subway station, he starts kissing me, touching me underneath my t-shirt, we continue this in the train. His hand is on my crotch, unaware of our surroundings.

Monday, September 7, 2015 

At Paul’s place we have sex and bingewatch the American version of The Office. It makes me laugh. We decide, of all the characters, Pam is the one who resembles me the most. I don’t think we sleep much and later we smoke the joint in bed. I feel it but it doesn’t hit me too hard. Paul takes pictures of me smoking, all naked on the bed. Somewhere in the afternoon we get up and take the train to New York, where Paul takes me to this very hip little brunch spot, with the light wooden furniture and lots of plants. We both have an iced coffee, which isn’t as good as the amazing one they serve in the Warehouse. Paul has an apple and a bite of my goat cheese spinach sandwich. I pay for everything, trying to compensate for him buying all the drinks last night. He drops me off at the train station. 

Tuesday, September 8, 2015 

I promised Paul to come with him to this weekly gay party he DJ’s at, the fashion week edition. In the bus with mom, on our way home from downtown, he texts me, asking me if I can make it by nine thirty, the bouncer guy will arrive at ten, he thinks it might be hard to get me in after that. I hurry myself home, showering and assembling an outfit. Skinny black jeans and silk COS blouse. Bus, subway to the club. The party is in the basement of this fancy restaurant. The guy by the stairs asks me if I’m with someone. I tell him I’m with Paul, the DJ. I can go in. Long hallway, dimly lit bar. Paul and his friend standing by the DJ-booth. I stand next to them, drinking beers and making myself an Instagram on my new phone. More beer, more people. Drag queen who looks like a fun girl starts flirting with me. I’m not attracted to her. She asks me who I’m with and I point to Paul. She leaves a couple of minutes later. More beer, better music, Paul and his friend making me happy with their set. ABBA, some good rap, some good eighties, Feeling Myself, Nelly Furtado, I think Paul is playing some songs because he knows I’m into them. I dance and talk with this tall, blond, kinda good looking, tanned boy, a photographer. He’s cute but no my type and even if he was, I’m here with Paul. He’s getting a little too flirty so I start ignoring him. He has this weird fat friend who doesn’t really talk at all. The only thing he says to me is ‘you’re cute.’ They leave without saying goodbye. The blond kid likes my picture on Instagram later, so I don’t believe he was too disappointed. 

Suddenly it’s past three and there’s nobody in the club anymore except me and Paul, who’s still DJing, and these two guys who are both flirting with me, but are kinda okay. Paul plays Crazy On You, which is one of my favorite songs at the moment. There is no way he could’ve known that. We go crazy on the dancefloor. The bar is closed and then we have to leave the club. The four of us go searching for some other place, end up in this weird, almost empty bar. The smallest of the two guys doesn’t stop raging about politics, saying Obama is a dictator and democracy an illusion and stuff like this. I try explaining why I still prefer Obama over a Trump-like figure but he’s really in his own zone about this. He also has some kind of governmental job, but is very secretive about the entire matter. We start joking about him being a spy and having a license to kill and things like that, but he is not amused by this and gets very serious all of the sudden. Paul gets me a gin tonic. We both still think the guy is a spy. ABBA starts playing so Paul and I start dancing in the middle of the empty bar. Then it’s four o’clock and the bar closes down and we go home, leaving the Australian journalist and the little spy. 

Note: When somebody comes to you and says, ‘you know, I think you are a really cute and nice guy, but I’m not a spy, and I really don’t kill people for a living, so will you just please stop making jokes about that? It hurts me when you say that,’ you get really convinced they’re a spy. 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015 

I don’t really remember if we had morning sex, think we did. The mornings/days we spent in bed all kinda blur into each other in my memory. If I think about it this was probably the day we had a lot of sex in the morning. For hours he just kept fucking me, and the longer he did so, the better it got. Netflix must’ve been on but I don’t really remember what show. Then he took a whole series of pictures of me laying naked in the bed with his iPhone. He sent me these later, all really small and placed next to each other, like this film sequence in frames. We’re both really hungry but we don’t want to get out of the bed. Paul suggests we shower together. I’m the one standing under the water, he kinda just sometimes lays his head on my shoulder in order to also catch a little bit. He showers with his sandals on, which is probably one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. After this he assembles himself an outfit (forest-print white jeans, blue Nike t-shirt and leather jacket without sleeves, it’s weird and cool and fashionable at the same time), I just wear my COS shirt and black jeans from last night. All of the sudden it starts raining really hard outside, which makes me very happy. 

‘This is my first rain in New York!’ Paul isn’t that into it tho.

We take the subway to New York, it’s only drizzling a little now. We go back to the neighborhood of last night’s party. Paul takes me to this spot where we have an iced coffee. It tastes great, but still not as amazing as the one we had in the Warehouse. I have a sandwich with tempura green tomato and blue cheese-mayonnaise. It turns out to be one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. Paul is being really social and chatty with the waitress, in that enthusiastic spontaneous manner of his. Calling her momma and asking her what’s her favorite menu item. Afterwards we go check out this really expensive clothing shop where I fall in love with a pair of futuristic sunglasses I don’t buy. Then a vintage store where Paul buys these cheap sunglasses and talks to the owner, in the same way as to the girl earlier. I love people who go around behaving like this, just social and good-spirited. I buy a pair of crazy Doctor Martins with metal detailing, figuring fifty bucks isn’t all that much for a pair of crazy vintage Docs. Paul also finds this Nike t-shirt that matches his outfit perfectly, so he changes into that. By then mom is texting me that she’s hungry, so I tell Paul I’ll be heading back.

Back home we go for some Turkish food and then buy this huge bucket of mint flavored chocolate chip iced cream, and more condoms for me, in the mall. I also buy three packages of Old Spice deodorant, the same as Paul wears, the one that smells so amazing, to use in Belgium. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015 

Culture with mother: the Frick is nearby the subway and we find it easily. The building is pretty and historical and the collection impresses me. I’ve never seen a real Turner before so I’m breath taken for a moment. Afterwards we go for coffee in this cute small French café nearby, where I have a scone. We hang around in a Shakespeare Bookstore, and buy some sushi we finish back home. 

Back home mom and I spend a long time talking with T. He rolls a joint and we both take some drags. It hits me really hard, something I usually never have with weed, most of the time I barely feel the effect. I just lean back in bed and watch the two of them talk. Just smiling or laughing out loud at some thought I’m having. After half an hour I get the munchies fucking next level, probably because I haven’t really been eating much for days. First I finish the Turkish from last night, then have a whole bunch of sandwiches with cheese and hummus, a bowl of the ice cream, and some more sandwiches. My high fades out and I go to bed.

Friday, September 11, 2015 

Wake up at home around eleven p.m. My alarm is set at twelve. It’s almost one when I get up, shower, outfit (my new shirt, same I wore yesterday, and the new shoes I bought with Paul), say hi and bye to mom, train to Williamsburg. A derailed train makes that I have to transfer twice and it takes almost two hours before I arrive. It’s not that easy to find out where the cool neighborhoods are exactly, so I just stroll around for some time. Buy an iced coffee, find out where I have to go, finally arrive. I buy the Ballad of Sexually Dependency for twenty dollars and a pair of cheap sunglasses, since I’ve forgotten mine. I wander around for some longer and sit down in this little park at the most west of Williamsburg, by the Hudson. View on Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. I take a picture for on my Instagram, text with Paul, who hasn’t departed yet, look in my new photobook, go searching for the coffee shop I’m meeting Paul at. There I order an iced tea and some granola yoghurt. (My eating pattern is all fucked up, I’m constantly hungry but just can’t eat for some reason.) I go sit in the garden, reading Nan Goldin’s preface, waiting for Paul. 

Paul’s here, more Williamsburg. One of my new shoes dies right there on my foot, the sole starts coming loose. We buy duct tape to fix it. Vintage store he knows, we find nothing, another one I discovered earlier. We buy a lot. I go for this Alexander Wang for h&m sweater, a pair of limited edition Adidas sneakers, an elegant black see-through t-shirt and a sweatpants with denim print. Paul buys the same sweatpants, larger size, and a black Calvin Klein weekend bag. It’s dark outside when we leave the store. He takes me to this exotic themed restaurant, floor all covered in sand, palm trees, the whole picture. We sit outside and both order this gigantic, expensive iced cocktail. His tastes way better, mine is too sweet. I can’t eat my pasta, which tastes very good, and take it with me when we leave. Subway to the West Village. We both buy a cup of tea and go sit in this little park. It’s mostly occupied by punks, junks, and beggars. A lot of conversation between the two of us, about religion and monogamy and music. We agree I should write this very tragic novel about us, and about the constant awareness of my approaching departure. He says it should be titled “Leaving Taul Paul”. 

Intense kissing, but the park is bathing in this orange light, so we can’t really go any further. We don’t want to get stabbed or anything. Paul asks me if I want to join him to this party, but I tell him I already have plans with mom the next day, so I really need to get some sleep. He’s not pushy or anything. He has to start DJing at the pop-party at nine thirty but it’s past eleven when he drops me off at the subway. He’s the only DJ booked. He kisses me goodbye intensely, the two of us standing on a street corner, in the middle of a busy night on this broad Manhattan street. It’s all very movie-like, as in some black and white Hollywood picture made in the thirties. 

In the apartment mom and I sit in the kitchen with T, she goes to bed. N arrives, bringing a girl named Alex with her. They’re both drunk. She has a new job, they bought two cheap fans. I notice Alex’ fan matches her outfit perfectly, she is very happy I see this, tells me that’s why she bought it. I get offered some coke, politely decline this. Then I think about my friend A sending messages from Belgium, about how today he tried his first coke, and realize God must be sending me signals. So I snort a line anyway, stating I’ll really only do one line. This ends up being three or five lines. T shows me this great photography book about poverty in the Southern states in the seventies. Around three thirty I’ve had it with the company and go to bed. 

Saturday, September 12, 2015 

Spent the day in Union City with mom. I shower and change into the outfit I bought yesterday. Blue sweatpants with jeans print, fluorescent green Puma sweater, new Adidas sneakers, very satisfied with how I look.

Subway to Beverlys. Waiting for Paul outside to get passed the bouncer. He has to talk to the bouncer for what seems like forever and for a moment I’m scared I’m not going to get in. I get in. Awful beer, I switch to High Life. Paul is also wearing his sweatpants, we’re a pretty cute pair, matching. He lets me choose the songs he plays. We take turns picking songs, he’s mixing them. Dancing in the DJ-booth together. I choose ABBA (Gimme Gimme Gimme), A$AP Rocky (Fashion Killa), Sonic Youth (Kool Thing) and others, fucking up his set quite badly. Another DJ takes over from Paul. Paul hands me a slice of pizza, we dance for a while. 

After this we go to another club, this place where he’s a resident, Bedlam. The club is hosting some pop party, but the DJ isn’t that good. I almost get kidnapped by three random strangers who steal my drink. I drink a lot of beer and a shot of tequila Paul gives me. We’re both kinda drunk, sex in the bathroom. I meet friends of him. We’re sitting and talking when Beyoncé’s Crazy In Love starts playing. I enthusiastically get up and drag Paul to the dancefloor. Dancing wildly with each other to Queen B and singing (or shouting) along. Somewhere around three thirty the party is no fun anymore and we decide to go home. Paul and I want to have sex. 

Kissing intensely on the subway in New Jersey, all the ghetto kids giving us angry looks, the atmosphere is getting kinda awkward and even aggressive. I lay my head down in Paul’s lap and close my eyes in order to ignore this. We both wake up at the final stop of the train, way too far. Train in opposite direction. He goes to 7 Eleven. I buy a bagel in Deli Fresh, eat half of it, there in the depressing store, while he finishes his little cup of fruit. 

Sunday, September 13, 2015 

In bed together. After the missed train and the Deli Fresh I think it must be six in the morning or something when we’re home. I ask him to game, somehow I think it’s hot to just watch him playing this soccer game and showing off his skills proudly, but he really is too drunk to be any good. We have sex twice and I don’t believe we sleep, or maybe a little. The sex is different and I’m scared the new aspect is going away and it’s becoming a routine. Then it turns out to be very good after all, intense in a more minimal way, and we finish together while The Cure’s The Forest is playing. Joy Division and OMD’s Electricity are also in my DJ’s playlist. I leave him gaming in bed and take an Uber home. The Uberdriver is a former manager who wants to be a Broadway actress and has two jobs. She tells me I’m very cute and my outfit is great, and gives me her card. She’s kinda cool, a Brooklyn girl who isn’t a big fan of men in general. While claiming to be a lesbian she tells me about her romance with a Belgian man in Madrid. 

In the apartment I give mom the half American-cheese bagel I didn’t finish yesterday. We wake up T, at three thirty the three of us take his car and drive to New York, to this artist talk. We arrive too late. N joins us. Mom can’t walk on her new secondhand Calvin Klein pumps. N brings Alex. We all go to this famous restaurant next to the Chelsea Hotel. My pasta tastes really bad. I’m very moody and quiet the entire time. It’s the combination of not getting enough sleep and realizing this night is gonna be the last one I’m having with Paul. Imagine the disillusion if he wouldn’t text me back.

Everyone wants to go to this bar called KGB or something like that. I don’t want to join them, I want to go back to the apartment and gather the clothes Paul gave me on our first date, have a shave, because Paul likes it when my face is all smooth, and have a perfect night with him. Kinda just like last night but then while realizing this will be the last one in at least a very long time, enjoying every single minute of it. I hope I won’t get into the bar but of course I do. The promised one drink become three. Mom and T order another whisky, the last one once again. I take a cab to the subway station with Alex and N. N is the one who makes this happen, I feel like she really sees how badly I just want to be with Paul tonight, understands me. Leave mom and T behind. On the bus I talk a lot with a slightly drunk N. She is a really cool girl actually, and I feel this is the first time we have a conversation that goes deep and personal, I really like her after this. 

We get off the bus, she goes straight home, I’m really hungry so I go to the Dunkins across the street. Get a “flatbread” with some weird potatoes. The chocolate donut N wanted is given to me for free by the friendly woman who takes my order. N is in the apartment with some really cool guy who seems a little gangster to me. He’s sleeping on the floor in T’s storage room, he’s a filmmaker. I do two lines of coke and smoke a little from this joint N hands me. Shower. Shaving yourself on coke is an interesting thing to do. Since the drug makes me very impatient at things like this I’m kinda surprised I don’t cut myself. Paul texts me the address of the club. I write down the subway instructions very vaguely, I’m really starting to know the New York subway system well. On the bus and subway the coke hits me hard. So glad I have my iPod with me, a new fucking amazing song every thirty seconds, way too loud. 

When I arrive the drugs have almost worn off entirely. I wait for Paul in this little park nearby, it’s a little cold. He gets me in the club without any trouble, knows all the bouncers. Beer, really good music. At one moment they play Silent Shout from The Knife. Paul tells me he loves Fever Ray. I tell him about the one party in my hometown when she was DJing and I was dancing so close to her. They also play a lot of The Smiths (it’s the weekly Smiths party again), I Wanna Be Your Dog, Human Fly, The Cure, The Stone Roses, Depeche Mode, et cetera. Paul and I dance, holding each other and kissing. He’s very cool to dance with. He buys me all these kinds of beer I don’t like because American beer is just always gross, we end up drinking High Life. He buys me new beers at such a fast pace I can barely keep up. All of the sudden it’s four a.m. and we have to go home.

Kissing on the subway but it’s not too explicit, more modest than we normally are. I buy a burrito in 7 Eleven and have two bites of it. Too disgusting, kinda uneatable. Walking home we bump into our cat and her kitten again. Lucy, we see her almost every morning after partying. I tell Paul to take good care of her in my absence. Home, around five or six in the morning, he puts on Breaking Bad on Netflix and we have sex which is incredible. He takes some pictures of me covered in our cum and we fall asleep. 

Monday, September 14, 2015 

Don’t sleep too much. Waking up somewhere between nine and twelve a.m. Laying in bed. I remark that we always finish the sex during the best part of something good, the best Cure song, the best Breaking Bad episode. He has to laugh. Netflix: this badly produced show about food with this fat American guy (named 3X V or something like that). Amazing sex, I don’t cum, he does. Takes photos of me covered in his cum. Still in bed, same show. More sex, no fucking now, we both cum, knowing that this might be the last sex we ever have. So intense. He takes pictures of me covered in our cum, last time probably. It’s three thirty, he’s going to miss this fashion show he would attend at four. When we get up I remark that the outfit which I chose yesterday was really horrible. He admits he’s not too into it either and we agree it’s probably the coke which made me pick it. He says he’s just not a fan of the whole red and black thing. I say I hope I’ll never run into his roommate, and Paul says ‘hi, I’m the guy who can’t be quiet.’ 

We take the bus to Jersey City. Breakfast in The Warehouse, just like the morning after our first date. I pay for the breakfast this time. It consists of muesli and a cinnamon cake, the only things they still have at this time of the day. And iced coffee of course, the amazing one. He tells me about what occupied him when he was a small boy, about him being a kinda dark kid and not having too many friends, about his irrational fear of growing old and dying when he was a ten-year-old. I order an Uber on his iPhone. Short goodbye, telling each other we will be meeting again real soon, short kiss and a hug. I tell him to ‘have a great fall.’ 

The Uberdriver talks about weed and his Spanish roots, he wants to go to Spain in April. I play Balthazar in the car. At the apartment I sit on the porch with mom, who’s having a cigarette. Sunset in Union City. Order sushi. Text with Paul, he asks if mom and I want to go for a quick coffee tomorrow before catching our flight. I tell him no because our day will be hectic enough already. Yes I want to see Paul tomorrow, of course I want to, but for me these two weeks together are a closed chapter, I don’t want to reopen it right now. I call the Uberdriver who wants to become a Broadway-actress. She’s very enthusiastic but can’t take us to the airport tomorrow. Paul texts me he wanted to give me a longer kiss but hates goodbyes. I make a night walk on my own, saying goodbye to Union City, I want the address of the neighborhood thrift shop to text to Paul. I feel very empty and sad. Hope I can sleep.

The next morning N prepares this amazing breakfast and even gets us cupcakes. The four of us eat together. In the cab to the airport this crazy car crash happens right in front of us and we almost drive straight into it. I text with Paul till the plane is really taking off and I have to switch my phone off. I start crying, seeing New York become smaller and almost feeling the distance grow.

Epilogue 

I’m re-reading, editing and finishing this today, October the fifteenth. I’m back in Belgium, spending my time hanging with friends, making new friendships and enjoying the arts college I’ve just started studying at. The cold temperatures and pouring rain make the contrast between my life here, and my time in New York – where the sun was always shining – even bigger. So what has been the significance of these events described above? Did they even have any meaning at all? It’s funny for me to reflect on those two weeks because they have a very dreamlike character, almost as if they were this mini-novel I lived. 

I mean, everything was so real and so vivid, and I lived every single moment of it. But now I’m just back home and I’m in the same old routine and whatever happened, whatever I felt didn’t change anything. The only things I have to keep alive the memories, are this t-shirt I don’t want to wash and some pictures that leave me with this melancholic feeling, as if I’ve left something behind that is very dear to me. 

What feels weird to me is this otherworldly character our two weeks together have, in my perception. Paul was just visited by this boy. And I hope to him the memory of this will bring up the same nostalgic experience one has when silently reflecting on the faded thought of a warm, soft, summer day, a long time ago. But for me it just feels as if I’ve had these two weeks that aren’t related to the rest of my life in any way. Two weeks that take place in a totally different context, with different people and at different locations. And the center of these two weeks, the core around which everything revolved, was Paul. That’s a weird and unique feeling, and it’s great to think back at this, as if this was a movie or something. 

And reflecting about this makes me very happy because it was so great, and very sad because I’ll maybe never enter that reality again, and never be that person - that version of myself - again. The great paradox of this, the epic irony of the situation, is that it could only be so strong and fun and limitless, that Paul and I could be very open and unrestricted, and have this romance without reflecting about how it affected us and what exactly our relationship was, because we knew it would fade, there couldn’t be any consequences, I would leave anyhow. The constant threat of my leaving, and the inevitability of this departure, forcing us to live in the moment and enjoy each other as much and as strongly as possible, is what defines as well the beauty as the tragedy of the entire situation in perfect clarity.

[thenovelartist]

And there was only One Bed - Tears of Themis Headcanons

Premise: There’s only one room left in the hotel, meaning the guys have to be roomies with MC for a night.

Luke

Err… his cheeks are red now.

He’s having to check with MC if she’s okay with it. Not that they had much of a choice.

They take the room, only to discover one bed.

And forget his crush on her; that’s the least of his problems.

He knows she shifts in her sleep.

“You take half and I take half?” MC offers. “Like when we were kids?”

He sighs, lamenting his fate. “I’m so gonna end up on the floor.”

“Sorry.”

When it comes to who showers first: rock, paper, scissors.

He’s the least phased of all the guys by the whole “share one bathroom” situation. They grew up together. They sometimes used to have quick conversations through the bathroom door, normally just a question or two about what they wanted for dinner or if their phone went off and it was their parents.

Which happened this time. “There was a vending machine down stairs. You want anything? And if you mention that diet, I’m getting you two of your favorite candy bars.”

“Just one and only one.”

“You got it.”

(@gavin-plz-call-me once called them the “King and Queen of No Boundaries” and I will never forget it.)

Eventually, Luke makes sure MC’s settled in for bed while he’s planning to stay up a little and figure out tomorrow’s game plan.

Until she literally drags him to bed.

He can’t protest against her.

Contrary to what he thought, he did not end up on the floor.

But it was kinda hard to sleep when the girl of his dreams decided his chest was her new snuggle pillow halfway through the night.

He’ll cave and roll with it. Be selfish just for tonight and hold her there.

Come morning, she apologizes for disrupting him, he dismisses it. And both their cheeks are red.

But it doesn’t phase them. Give it half an hour, they’re back to normal.

(Bonus: “So, kid. Let me get this straight,” Aaron Yishmir started. “You spent the night with her, and you’re still not gonna tell her anything?”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“You’re hopeless.)

Vyn

Well… this is a predicament.

However, they come to some awkward agreement that if it’s the only place to sleep for the night, they’ll take it and figure it out as they go.

However, things only go from bad to worse when they learn there’s only one bed.

There were very few times since becoming an adult that Vyn ever found himself at a loss. And this was one of those times.

“Um… are you comfortable splitting?”

His glasses almost fell off his face at MCs suggestion.

Before he can even think about suggesting to take the chair, MC is putting up a blanket wall. “Like this?”

Er… aha…

Oh geez, this woman…

He caves to that deep, ugly part of him that’s begging “yes” and agrees.

Then comes the new revelation there’s only one bathroom, which rose the question of who was going to shower when.

He just lets her take the first shower while his mind is still storming.

During that time, he realizes this may be the only time he has the privacy to actually record his voice diary.

It’s a total disaster. He’s in mental turmoil and can barely think straight.

But MC is acting normal, meaning he’s got to try to act normal.

Normally, he takes his showers in the morning, but he takes it at night this time just so he can have another moment of privacy to get his thoughts in order.

This is just a practical arrangement. This is just a practical arrangement. This is just a practical arrangement…

Bedtime rolls around, and poor, unsuspecting Vyn believes they are each going to stay on their respective sides of the bed.

However, Author has a headcanon these two both sleep like dead logs.

Morning rolls around, and they’re still both asleep, only they’re totally entangled.

MC wakes up first, laying on top of Vyn.

And when she freaks, flailing and falling off the bed in the process, that’s when Vyn wakes, too.

It was… an interesting morning to say the least.

They come to the agreement to never speak on it again.

(Until a few years down the line after they’re together and can look back on that day with amusement.)

Artem

When the person at the front desk said there was only one room left, Artem about had a heart attack.

He cannot possibly share a room with MC. That’s super improper.

Will call around to any other hotel in the area, but no avail.

MC will literally have to drag this poor man up to the room.

“It will be fine, Artem.”

Except, it wasn’t. There was one bed.

Cue almost heart attack number 2.

He almost left to go sleep in the car. MC had to restrain him.

“We can share right? Like, if we—”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Not even if we put a blanket—”

“No. I’ll sleep in the chair.”

There was no convincing him to sleep anywhere else.

And MC tried.

Eventually, she had to surrender. “Fine. Then do you want the first shower?”

Oh… there was only one bathroom… that they’d be sharing…

Cue almost heart attack number 3.

Will legitimately leave the room while she’s showering. He just feels too awkward and like he’s invading her privacy.

Then bed time rolls around and he’s unable to sleep, so he works on his laptop for the time being.

Ends up pulling an all-nighter, which MC anticipated.

She set an alarm for early in the morning so she could then force him to bed for a few hours.

While he insisted he was fine, he was too tired to protest as she pushed him down into bed. “Sleep, will you. I know you didn’t sleep all night.”

Thought he’d have trouble, but he was so wound up all night over everything that had happened that he’s passed out in fifteen minutes.

And stayed out cold for a few hours.

When they left, MC made sure to thank him for being such a gentleman. She thought it was the least she could do for his troubles.

That, and she quite liked the way his ears and neck turned red.

(Bonus: He hopes Celestine never finds out what happened on that business trip.

But when she finds out curtesy of MC, she will never let him live it down.)

Marius

The moment he finds out there’s only one room, he actually gets super flustered.

And as he does, instantly goes in to deflective Playboy Flirt mode.

“Get your head out of the gutter, you little—”

MC shut that down, real quick.

Most he could do then is just say “It can’t be that bad, right? What’s the worst that could happen?”

Well, apparently only be one bed.

Flustered Marius = Playboy Persona

“That’s it,” MC says. “You take the bed.”

“What? Don’t you wanna share?”

“No.”

“Ouch!”

But really, he wants to find some way to get her to take the bed because he really will feel awful otherwise.

Then comes the single bathroom realization.

“You wanna shower together?”

“Marius, I swear I will kick you out of this room and take the keycard from you.”

“Oh, my feisty Miss Attorney.”

“Miss Attorney will sue you for sexual harassment.”

“Understood.”

He gets to shower first, and then ends up giving her some excuse for leaving the room entirely.

He loves teasing her, but this might be the most he’s ever pushed his luck. And he actually doesn’t want her to hate him, so he’ll give her this space at least.

As for the bed situation…

MC tries to sleep on the couch, but he can’t stand it, so he decides to push his luck and simply carry her to bed.

“I won’t pull anything, I swear.”

“The only reason I’m agreeing is because I know I’ll sleep better here than the couch.”

“See?”

“Marius.”

“I’ll shut up.”

Regrets his decision halfway through the night when Mr. Light Sleeper realizes Ms. Dead Log moves in her sleep.

She was snuggled up against his back, and his heart was going doki doki too hard to even think about going back to sleep.

Eventually, he rolls over and snuggles her, not just because he wants to, but he hopes it will keep her still through the night.

Unfortunately, she was not happy in the morning.

“Can’t we talk about this?”

She kept her face turned away from him the rest of the day, but he knew it was red with blush. “Shut up.”