#which means i should expect mito to be here too

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

hi guys and gals! Part 7 sees friendship strengthened, decisions being made and love ultimately hurting. As always, please enjoy the next part and let me know what you think is going to happen in part eight! I actually love hearing from you all so please don't be too shy to reach out and message me - I love a good chat LOL Love always, Steph xx

Part 7 | settima parte

warnings; love sucks man. word count;  1850 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. next update; Monday 09/08 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)! Tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here

“bella amelia, cosa ho fatto per meritarmi questa telefonata?” (beautiful amelia, what did i do to deserve this phone call?) Jorginho spoke his second-native tongue down the line to the British girl, calling him way past her self-appointed bedtime of 9pm.

“Jorgi, ho bisogno del consiglio di un amico” (Jorgi, i need the advice of a friend). Amelia, almost desperately, pleaded down the line to the boy who became her therapist.

It had been a few days since Amelia & Jack’s facetime where they sat and listened to the countless offers the successful girl had waiting in her voice message inbox. Being the person that she is, Amelia needed to distract herself from obsessing over the messages so she threw herself into her job. Spending too many hours over her paid allocation at Juventus training ground, getting administrative work done for the season ahead.

Was this her way of nesting? Or empty-nesting? Was she subconsciously preparing the club and her boys for life without her? Getting them ready with a season's worth of set pieces and tactical plays that would secure them an outstanding 37th victory? On the flip side, was she preparing for her new role in England which she had yet to accept. There was no harm in her taking her intellectual property back over to the motherland. The two clubs did not compete in the same tournaments, perhaps only the Champions league - but who's to say that whatever club she does pick will make the Champions League? There was no doubt Juve would be there - all of her preparation would ensure they would be. Whoever took over her role simply just had to show up and keep the boys in line.

“ok tesoro, parlami.” (Ok darling, speak to me). The Italian settled onto his couch, espresso in hand, waiting to hear the younger girl's problem.

“So I've spoken with Kyle & Jack now, and have told them of my predicament. They both are very heavily favouring one side - but I need a voice of reason. If you happen to express the same sentiments that they both did, then maybe that's all of the reassurance I need to make this final decision.” Amelia switched back to her native tongue.

After spending the better part of an hour discussing in great depth the offers that she was receiving from the 5 english clubs, Amelia felt just as confused as she did before calling the Chelsea boy. No surprise that Jorgi was team Come to the Prem & Join Chelsea, but the italian midfield maestro had also brought her back down to earth from cloud nine and reminded her of what, or who, she was leaving behind.

“Now I don't like telling you what to do, but you need to discuss this with Fede, Amelia. He doesn’t deserve a lot of things, but this is something he does.”

So that's where Amelia found herself the next morning. Sunday’s in Italy were reserved for espresso and long walks in the sun. This particular Sunday must have been reflective of the internal turmoil she was facing, uncommon for the season, the sky above her was overcast and a light drizzle had started to set in on her walk to the charming Italian’s townhouse.

______________________________________________________________

“pensavo fosse un mito che gli inglesi portino con sé il tempo the” (i thought it was a myth that british people bring the weather with them) Fede said as he opened the door, and his arms, while looking down the two steps at me.

“Very funny” I said as I gave him a hug. He always was so good at hugs. I’m going to miss them. Snap out of it Amelia - you don’t even know if you’re going to go yet. Oh she knows she's going. She also knows what club she's going to. No she doesn't, you be quiet. I’m here rooting for her Italian romance. If I had an angel and devil on each shoulder, their conversation would speak my internal monologue as such.

Walking through to his kitchen, putting on a coffee and saying hello to his dogs, Fede stood in the doorway and watched me move around his kitchen as though it was my own.

“I’m convinced you got British bulldogs because you just can’t help but love the English” I cheekily smiled up at him from my crouched position in the middle of his kitchen, giving the two bullys the best head rubs.

“Sure, you keep thinking that Amelia” Oh, the way he says your name Amelia, so foreign, so romantic. He says it the same way any other Italian would say it, he’s nothing special. Be quiet, let them have their moment.

“Lets go and enjoy these out in the courtyard, is your sun shade still up? It should hold out the rain right?” Amelia spoke rushedly as she poured two espresso cups and walked towards his back door.

“Tesoro, why are you so unsteady today? Is something troubling you?” Fede spoke worriedly, noticing my little nervous habits coming out to play and speaking faster than my mind could comprehend. Better to just get this over with i think, for once we agree on something.

“Ok i need to tell you something, and i need you to let me get it all out before interrupting me. Can you do that? This is something i’ve been working up the courage to speak out loud, let alone speak it to you”

Fede took a sip of his espresso, holding my eye contact, before putting his cup back on its saucer and leaning forward, elbows on his knees. He thought he was ready for what i was about to say, expecting it to be yet another long winded speech as to why i want to put a label on our situationship. Oh boy, how wrong he was.

“After the success of the european tournament, i have received a lot of praise and recognition for my skills”

“And you deserve every bit of it amore, every bit and even more” Oh dear, could my heart hurt anymore?

“Fede, I asked you not to interrupt me…”

“Ok ok, sorry, continue”

“So, I have received a lot of recognition both here in Italy as well as from my home country of England. In saying that, I have received a few offers from clubs in the premier league that want me to bring my approach, the italian approach, to the english game. It's a real step up in my career and it's something I am seriously considering. I’ve spoken with some of the boys back home and also Jorgi, they all think that this is the next step for me. I’m far too comfortable here, I can't grow in my comfort zone. I think I'm ready for a new challenge.”

I held eye contact with the 27 year old, I wasn’t about to let him know just how vulnerable I was feeling here in front of him. Something Fede could always do was read me, and read my emotions. If he knew how exposed I felt, how easily I could be swayed over this decision, then he would make it his life's mission to do so. I had made my mind up that I was going, but there was also a part of me that decided if he was to give me what I was after I would be open to the possibility of staying.

“So it seems that you have asked for the opinion of everyone else in your life, and made your decision, before even considering mine.” He slumped back in his chair, and rubbed two fingers over his lips while looking off into the small courtyard garden.

“Fede, I have made my decision. But I wanted to talk to you about it, I owe that to you. You have made my time here so memorable, so fantastic, so filled with love that I wouldn't even consider not including you in this.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay? Do you want me to ask you to be my girlfriend? To tell you I love you? To move in with me? Let me know what you need from me to reconsider this decision” He began to get frustrated with me, pulling the cap off of his head and running his fingers through his hair.

“That’s exactly it Fede! I don’t want to ask you to do that, you should ask me to be your girlfriend on your own! I don't want you to tell me you love me if you think that's what I want to hear - I want you to feel like you love me! I don’t need anyone to tell me what I want to hear, what I want to hear is what you truly feel. And if there is something i have learnt about you in the last few years is that you can’t hold back your feelings with anything! If you were in love with me it would have burst from you a long time ago. I think that you do love me Fede, but as someone to come home to instead of no one at all.”

“You know Fede, i don’t have any regrets over this. You mean just as much to me now as you did the very first time we crossed that boundary and blurred the lines. You’re just my type, you only call me late at night, you can’t decide if you’ll be your own man or mine. I hate to say it, but you really are just my type. This decision has nothing to do with you, it’s something i have come to make all on my own.”

I had stood up now, looking down at the 27 year old. I needed him to understand exactly what I was saying, how serious I was. This was the moment I could get it all off my chest, instead of just letting the relationship play out on his terms.

“I leave on Friday, I let the club know this morning. There's nothing that can be done now Fede, this is my decision. Please respect it, and me”

He stood up, his almost 6’1” frame towering over me. Looking down, face of steel, I could see everything I needed behind his eyes.

“hai ragione ti amo Solo non nel modo in cui meriti di essere amato” (you're right, i do love you. Just not in the way you deserve to be loved). He pulled me into his chest, both arms wrapping around the back of my shoulders, left hand holding my head in the crook of his neck. My arms wrapped around his back from below his arms, holding him tight enough that they crossed over and I could grab the sides of his rib cage. This was the closure I needed.

“I’ll give Jorginho a call and make sure he looks out for you”

“How do you know what club I'm going to?”

“I saw the way your eyes sparkled when you mentioned its name, it was the same sparkle that used to come out when you said mine…”

Part 8. | parte otto

[cafeinthemoon]

The Home I Crave - Chapter 9

Title: The Home I Crave

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Tobirama Senju x reader

Rating: teen and up

Word count: 2654

Chapter: 9/?

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 💛 | ▶️▶️

Read the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

N. A.: So I changed it! Maybe I should have chosen a gif where he's making one of his 😳 faces but well

Chapter 9 - Nausea

You kept your eyes on the bowl before you for so long that you almost forgot your surroundings. When your meal was served, you were enchanted by the warmth and the smell of condiments, but now the steam was gone and your nostrils were used to the scents, and you were just holding your hashi pretending to listen to the conversation around you.

The hardest part was to know that, if the circumstances were different, you would be enjoying every minute: the company of your brother-in-law and his wife was as pleasing as can be, the food was well prepared and the environment was light, comfortable; you even felt like part of your burden was taken off your shoulders with their reception.

During the dinner, Mito made a few questions about your adaptation to the new place and how you were dealing with the practical matters; you did your best to answer them without revealing too much, but you could tell that she wasn’t entirely convinced of your well being: unlike your previous meetings with her, you didn’t make a single question now, and were choosing your words with excessive caution, as if you didn’t want to give space to any discussion. You didn’t want to discuss anything now: your thoughts were all with your family, your sister on the compound. So far from you. You had no idea of how things were going with them, and what you could do to help.

Yet you were there having dinner with your new friends, who expected you to smile, to talk and cheer up as they were doing.

You started to think of their life together.

During the days you spent in the Hokage’s house, you had countless opportunities to observe him and Mito together, and the signs about their good relationship where there for anyone to see: the way they talked to each other, joked on each other and complimented one another while talking to other people revealed not only the existence of a romantic connection, but a solid friendship, built on mutual knowledge, respect and appreciation. They lived happy together, and were happy to live together.

Why couldn’t you have the same, then? You knew they had to work hard to find a way to build their good life despite not knowing each other and not choosing to be married, because not only their happiness depended on it, but the entire structure of an alliance. You were aware of this too; you were taught about this since you’ve heard about the possibility of an arranged marriage for the first time. You’ve been preparing to it, and were sure you’ve been doing your best to do your part. However, you didn’t feel your efforts were being acknowledged, not in words and even less in actions. Tobirama didn’t seem to make any effort to be with you except when you had work together, and even in such occasions he barely looked at you; your questions and other requests were received and processed with all the possible formality, as if you were strangers instead of two people who lived under the same roof. And now you just found out that some things were being kept out of your knowledge, just like you were an inexperienced assistant instead of a shinobi who worked directly with the head of your clan, exactly like your husband.

Even during missions with your own people in dangerous territories and in teams where you didn’t know everyone so well, you received a better treatment.

You started feeling something revolving inside your stomach, something that would surely come out if you stood there smelling that bowl for one more minute. It was when you noticed the conversation around you ceased and now someone was calling your name.

It was Hashirama.

- Y/n-san? Are you feeling well?

You raised your eyes to him, not knowing what to say.

- I was asking if you’re feeling well – he asked for the second time – You look pale.

You alternated your gaze between him and the bowl.

- I… I think I’m not going to finish this – and shaking your head – I’m sorry.

- You did not eat well during lunch, y/n-san.

It was Tobirama’s voice beside you. He was paying attention too. Should you be surprised to hear him telling you that you were supposed to eat well when your sister was sick and you wouldn’t even know if it depended on him?

- You should compensate it now.

You almost left him without a verbal response, but you didn’t want to look rude in front of Mito and Hashirama.

- I’m not hungry. I won’t be able to eat anything else tonight.

But that was not enough for him: he started to try and convince you to not leave with your stomach empty, which would interfere in your sleep and then in your performance the next day when you would have work waiting for you and etc.

- We will probably spend half of our day working at my brother’s office tomorrow. You need to be prepared.

- I know. But I’ve reached my limit today…

While Tobirama insisted on that, his brother and Mito tried to fix the situation, pointing out the same things as him but in a softer manner. You tried your best to put an end in that conversation, both because you wouldn’t eat and because you didn’t want to hear his voice for any longer. Why was so hard for that man to understand what no means?

And then came the moment when your patience was gone.

- Y/n-san, you...

- I said no!

When you stopped speaking, the silence that fell around you was heavy. Tobirama, who finally gave up on making up your mind, only stared at you, his lips shut so tight they became paler than the rest of his skin; if it was shock or anger what you saw in those red eyes, you couldn’t tell. You looked down at your hand holding the hashi and swallowed when you saw that you broke it in half.

You didn’t have the courage to look around or say anything else. You dropped the broken hashi on the table and left it, mumbling an inaudible “Excuse me” and almost running toward the bathroom.

***

Since you haven’t eating well that day, you didn’t thought it was possible to throw all of that out of your mouth, but that was exactly what you did. The thing you sensed in your stomach when you were at the table was finally expelled, and you were glad that you managed to reach the bathroom before it happened.

When you were done with it, you needed a moment to restore your normal breathing. Your vision, which has darkened after you left the table, came back, and you could leave the cabin and go to the sink to wash the bitter taste from your mouth and the sweat on your face; fortunately, you weren’t a fan of heavy makeup.

You heard a soft hand knocking on the door and knew it was Mito.

- Y/n-san? Are you okay? – and after a pause, to which you didn’t respond – Can I come in?

Again you said nothing, but after cleaning your face, you opened it.

The princess looked at you with a worried gaze, but the shock for your state didn’t affect her capacity of action. She entered the room and locked the door behind her before anyone could appear, then turned to you.

- I knew things were not going well since I came to your house this morning. I guess you understand why I invited you here – she held your shoulders with firmness, but the gesture didn’t lack gentleness – Tell me. What’s going on between you?

If it was because of her direct question or because you just threw up, it didn’t matter. You felt your legs weakening, your head getting dizzy and your eyes burning with a new flow of tears. You hid your face in your hands and for minutes, you weren’t able to say a word.

You felt Mito’s arms holding you in a tight hug, which prevented you from falling. When you were able to look into her eyes again, you already knew you couldn’t lie; to be honest, you wouldn’t be capable of doing so. Not in those conditions.

You just let everything out.

- I… I can’t do this, Mito-san… Not this way…

She frowned.

- You can’t do what? What are you talking about? – and lowering her voice – I can guess you just threw up. Are you expecting?

The anger and the deception you felt when you heard the word expecting almost made you throw again.

- How can I be expecting if that man haven’t touched me at least once? – you raised your eyes to hers – He never even tried! He barely looks at me! He has no interest in me! – you wiped the tears as you spoke – He prefers to sleep in his office than by my side!

Despite the visible preoccupation, Mito was not the type to lose her judgment in front of problems. Even more in that moment, when the stability of a treaty was being tested.

- Listen to me. I know Tobirama is not easy to deal with. I know. But what exactly did he do to make you feel this way? – she approached you and whispered – When I visited you today… You just had an argument. What happened there?

You nodded and described the situation involving the letter and your sister the best you could. But the Uzumaki wanted to know more.

- And this was not the first conflict you had, wasn’t it?

You explained that it wasn’t, though it was the first heated argument you had. You told her about that time when you tried to speak to him about the conditions of the treaty, the travel, your people and other necessary topics, but he wasn’t willing to make any concessions; speaking the truth, he barely heard what you had to say. He didn’t like to be contradicted and was convinced that he found the best solutions to the needs of your clan, even when both your father and his brother agreed with you on the said matters in the meeting, in which he was not present. Besides, you knew the circumstances of your people in a way that he could only dream, but that didn’t seem enough for him to give you the credit you deserved.

- He has no respect for me or my work, Mito-san – you confessed with bitterness – He doesn’t see me as an advisor, even less as a shinobi. He thinks I am some amateur who only got her position thanks to her bloodline but never learned how things really work and believes that only her passion is enough to make everything happen – your anger grew as you spoke; it was becoming harder to control your tone – I’ve never faced such disdain in my entire career, and I can tell you that I’ve seen many things during these years. I can stand the worst environments in a mission, but this I can’t tolerate. My people don’t deserve to be in such hands.

Mito’s expression changed when you mentioned your people. If she was guessing your struggle to live with Tobirama and was thinking of ways to help you, now she had no doubts about the gravity of the situation.

- This marriage, this treaty… It’s impossible to go on with this. Impossible! – you continued – I always knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but since the start I’ve sensed that something wasn’t right, and yet I tried to make it work, I gave my time, my effort, I did what I could to maintain peace inside his house, to do what was best for us, to talk, to… – and speaking lower, slower – I should have trusted my guts and warned my father about this. No one can live in peace with that man. No matter how hard you try. He was made to be alone.

The princess was now more serious than you ever expected to see her. She didn’t judge you nor interrupted you, but she had some things to tell you before taking any measures.

- Y/n-san, listen carefully – she held your hands with unusual firmness – I understand this feeling of… regret you are experiencing now. I understand it better than I’d like to tell you. You wish you’ve heard your inner instincts and spoke to your father about this, but for some reason you decided to go ahead and accept the terms and now that you found out that things are harder than you could predicted, you can’t help thinking you’ve made a mistake. I know, I get it. But you were also aware that many things would depend on you two keep living together in Konoha since the start. We are not speaking only of two people here. We are speaking about an alliance between two clans, which includes all the measures taken to maintain peace between them above all. If we want peace, the things we do now must follow this condition.

Those words touched deep inside you. They were the last thing you wanted to say to yourself, yet the very thing you needed to remind yourself of. Not so long ago, war was everything each clan knew and cared about; an alliance between them was something impossible, and a sequence of alliances that later would result in the foundation of the first Ninja Village in the world was less than a dream. Thanks to the hard work of many people – including your husband – this dream came true. Now that your clan was included in this, you would have to be careful as you’ve never been in your life – your actions could mean the maintenance of peace between your clans, or the death of it.

You and Mito exchanged silent looks that let it clear that you were aware of this responsibility. You took a deep breath.

- Thank you, Mito-san – you gave her hands a soft squeeze in response to her help – I know exactly what I have to do. I always knew. I just thought… my husband didn’t. His actions and the way he spoke about my people didn’t let his peaceful intentions very clear to me. It made me wonder if we would ever be on the same page.

The princess nodded, clearly relieved that her work there was successfully done.

- What are you going to do now? – and with a distinct bright in her eyes – Are you going to make sure you two will be on the same page?

You shook your head in agreement.

- Of course. This is why I was sent here in the first place.

She smiled.

- Alright – she turned to the bathroom’s door – Let’s go back to the table and see how the boys are doing without us.

You didn’t move; Mito was going to open the door, but gave up when she noticed your hesitation.

- What’s wrong?

You crossed your arms.

- I’m just not in the mood for dinner. I’m going back home.

She raised an eyebrow.

- Yes, you’re still a bit pale, after all. Maybe it’s better for you to go home… – she stared at you – Is that all?

You chose to be honest with her.

- Can you go with me, or at least say to them that I’m leaving? – you swallowed – I need a moment for myself. I don’t think I’d stand being alone with him right now.

- I see. Well, wait here. I’m going to talk to them, then we go to your house together.

You hugged her, no hiding your relief.

- Thank you for this. And can you please tell your husband that I’m sorry for the hashi?

Mito laughed at this.

- As you wish.

[phoenixyfriend]

More "de-aged Taka and T7 end up in the Warring Clans Era as Founders' wards" AU

“That’s a thing?” you ask. The answer is yes.

Uh. Kind of. Deaging Team Seven for the sake of tossing them back in time for a Founder to adopt is pretty common, but I’m trash for Taka so this AU started with me brainstorming the asshole team.

I am falling more and more in love with the idea of Tobirama ending up with custody of Team Taka somehow. He’s a science dad, but like. Marginally more ethical than Orochimaru.

Everyone around them is like "This is a terrible idea and it's all going to end horribly" and he's just like "Ah, these are now my children."

I've read so many "Team Seven time-travels and is de-aged, get adopted by the Founders" or "a Founder time-travels forward and adopts Naruto, subsequently picking up the others" and they're good but I now want the same plot with an even more dysfunctional collection of... eldritch mishaps? The AO3 feel of "I want this fic I just read, again, but a step to the left so it feels fresh and new"

I'm considering the tent of tranquility idea (courtesy of @sloaners​) and I've come to the decision that Tobirama's... probably going to end up with Several Holes in it, and burns, and cuts, because Karin and Suigetsu never stop fighting, and if they're fighting, they're not paying attention to how soon Juugo's going to lose his grip on control.

"Hm. Tobirama?" "Anija." "Where did you get children?" "They showed up." "One of them looks like an Uchiha." "He does." "Two of them are trying to kill each other." "That's normal." "Are the Uchiha going to accuse us of stealing a clan child?" "Probably." "...Tobirama, did you steal these children?" "No."

(It's not kidnapping if they show up and break into your house first.)

(Also none of them are particularly pressed to ditch the Senju and find their clans. Maybe eventually. Not now.)

They’re assholes but Karin is, even at Supposedly Age Three, babbling at Tobirama about proper lab protocol and chemical reactions and isn’t that just the most adorable thing?

Very few people find Karin as adorable as Tobirama does, because Karin knows more ways to kill a person than most adult shinobi, because most adult shinobi don’t know about things like flesh-eating diseases and specialty poisons from the other side of the continent that can only be refined via chemical processes that won’t exist for another three decades.

Juugo is a sweetheart. Best child. Then he loses his mind but it’s okay, Sasuke is there. Do the Senju trust the clearly-Uchiha child to control the much larger five-year-old? No. But they don’t have any better ideas right now, so.

Tobirama: Hm, we should do something about that. Karin: Here’s a list of ideas and things that have already been tried. Tobirama: Thank you, small child. Where did you get this? Karin: ... Tobirama: Fair enough, let’s see what we can do.

Suigetsu is a little terror because not only is he a Massive Jerk but he also has better control over water than most adults. Mostly because he is water. It’s very hard to find him when he’s avoiding chores.

Karin clings to Mito sometimes because Family! and then Hashirama tries to tease Tobirama about being upset that one of his students/children has ditched him. Hashirama ends up moping in a corner because Tobirama snaps at him, unsurprisingly.

IDK if we have like any canon for Touka beyond skill with genjutsu, but going off of the fanon that she used a naginata, I’m going to say that Suigetsu keeps trying to challenge her to Blade Fights and she’s just like Neat, A Tiny Murder Machine.

Sasuke is very quiet for the most part and Dramatically Broods On Rooftops And In Trees and Hashirama is just like YES YOU REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER AND ALSO MY BEST FRIEND and Sasuke hides.

Sasuke does not need another Naruto, thank you.

Sasuke ends up hanging out with Mito, I think? Like yeah, sure, she’s an Uzumaki, but she’s chill and refined and calm and she has really good tea in stock. Sure he has to learn fuuinjutsu to have an excuse to hang out with her, but that’s fine. It’s interesting. Karin does it too, sometimes.

tbh that probably leaves Hashirama to hang out with Juugo? Juugo isn’t great at Excite but he is great at nature so I feel like Hashirama would be stars-in-eyes about Juugo talking to birds the way Hashirama talks to trees, and Hashirama just gets him a chicken coop like HERE. FRIENDS.

But back to the suspected child theft.

Hashirama is like “That is... clearly an Uchiha. They are going to find out, Tobirama! Someone is going to figure out we have--” “Sasuke, show him your other eye. Yeah, the one you cover.” “...” “Okay, go back to playing.” “...Tobirama.” “Yeah?” “That was a Rinnegan.” “You know those rumors that the only way to get a Rinnegan is to mix the Uchiha and Senju bloodlines?” “It’s true?” “No idea, Sasuke won’t tell me anything about his parents other than their names, and he’s three, but even the chance of it being true means we have an arguable claim.” “...that’s not going to be enough to convince the Uchiha.” “The theory is but one weapon of many in the upcoming battle of wits.” “Tobirama--” “Now if you’ll excuse me, Anija, I need to go make sure Suigetsu doesn’t flood the training grounds again.”

tbh I can’t remember who made the original comment in canon about the Rinnegan being achieved via Senju/Uchiha babies but it’s funny to use here so I’ll pretend it’s a common rumor that nobody actually believes

MEANWHILE WITH THE UCHIHA Madara found and took custody of Team Seven and company, mostly because they’re like... jounin-level despite being less than three feet tall.

It involves a lot of Madara going "I want My New Children to love me!" and being sorely disappointed by half of them. Poor fucker got stuck with Naruto, Sakura, Sai, Kakashi, Yamato, and Obito.

(KakaYamaObito are deaged by the time-travel to 10-13ish. The kids are deaged to 3-4. Everyone has memories to just after the fourth war or so.)

Karin sensed T7 and tagalong pretty much the second they popped out of Kamui, and told Sasuke, but he correctly guessed that Naruto would hunt him down eventually, and said they should enjoy the peace and quiet while they had it.

Sai pulls emotionless creepy smiles in an attempt to freak out Madara but since Madara's whole thing initially was "less children in war," he's... mostly just sad. Izuna wants to know who made his brother cry.

Madara makes a vaguely misogynistic comment that's typical for the period and Sakura just. Breaks his tibia.

Naruto is genuinely trying to treat Madara with the kind of respect a caretaker that Attempts To Care And Do Good By Them deserves, because Naruto is a good egg, but he's... three again. Which means he's a Hellion.

The literal toddlers (Naruto and Sakura are three-ish, Sai is four-ish) are, in fact, toddlers, so nobody really expects them to be able to do anything. Nobody bothers to test them beyond the basics of like. Can walk? Can talk? Can maybe hold knife? Like don’t get me wrong, they’re very competent toddlers, but their hands can barely wrap around a kunai. Their bodies are tiny. Their bones only just stopped being soft!

That said, the “tweens” (re: adults who got deaged but Less) have to get tested for their skills. Kakashi downplays himself to what he imagines a semi-competent eleven-year-old to be capable of. He thinks of, like, Neji maybe? Good, but not suspiciously good.

Obito enters an intangible state and refuses to participate. He has a Mangekyo. His body is half-Zetsu. Stop bothering him. He doesn’t want to do anything. They assign him babysitting duty for Team Seven since he can obviously defend pretty well, and Kakashi vouches for his abilities as a fighter.

Yamato decides to try to be just a little worse than Kakashi but at one point he panics and does Mokuton on instinct and now the entire Uchiha compound is screeching because did they just steal a Main Family Senju kid by accident?

Yamato: Should I tell them I was a science experiment? Kakashi: No.

Pranks galore! None of the other time-travelers even try to stop Naruto, except maybe Yamato.

Obito at the Uchiha compound is mostly "I don't want to participate" and then just uses Kamui to be intangible until people leave him alone. If it's not another time-traveler or Madara, he's not interested. He doesn't even care that much about Sai or Yamato, actually, so if it's not an original T7 member, he doesn't care, and if it's Madara, he's just here to make things Difficult.

The Kyuubi wanders up to the Uchiha compound one day and everyone's preparing for a battle, even Madara isn't confident that he can-- [BANG] "KURAMA!" [delighted squealing]

Naruto now has a pet. The entire clan is terrified. Kurama pokes his nose at Naruto's stomach and disappears into the memory of a seal.

Madara, frantically writing a letter to Hashirama "What do I do if my toddler is possessed?!?"

Hashirama: You have a toddler?!?!?! OMG you should organize playdates with Tobirama's kids! Madara: I'M GOING TO QUESTION THAT LATER, PLEASE HELP WITH THE POSSESSION THING

Kurama hunts down Naruto, and the Jinchuuriki situation is very much in the realm of "Dis Mine" Also a bit of "If I'm in the brat, there's at least one Mangekyo user in hearing distance who can and will risk his life to prevent brainwashing. (Kakashi. It’s Kakashi.)

Naruto: Kurama's one of my best friends! Every time traveler: Yeah, that tracks. Madara: [teakettle screeching]

Per @firebirdeternal​: I'm just loving the visual of Giant Nightmare Terror Kurama kneeling down and pressing his nose to Naruto's Smol Chubby Toddler self and closing his eyes while Naruto pets him and giggles and every single battle-ready Uchiha is just. "wat"

Everybody else: Cool so Madara adopted a witch Uchiha Elders: We need to be careful of this horrible creature The younger generation of Uchiha: Okay that was weirdly serene and adorable and frankly the brat is really likeable when he's not being adhd as hell I think this is actually pretty dope.

Madara really wants to be a Good Dad but he has no idea how he ended up being "a dad" in the first place. He just! He cares a lot about this random assortment of kids! Some of them are from prominent clans and there should be search parties for the Senju kid with the Mokuton, or the Hatake brat, or the Uzumaki that doesn't look Uzumaki but definitely feels Uzumaki.... and SURE the only Uchiha of the bunch is a stranger who hates him for no reason Madara can come up with, but! He wants to be a good authority figure!

At least the Uzumaki appreciates that he's trying.

Seriously, though, there are clan kids and nobody’s looking for them, what’s up with that?

Kakashi still has a prize copy of Icha Icha and nobody in the Uchiha compound does a thorough check of his reading material until like three months in.

He is blamed for Naruto developing the Oiroke, because where ELSE would a toddler get such ideas? (Yamato and Obito both tell him he brought this on himself.)

Naruto waits until a Big Important Meeting lets out, something about tithes or a merchant contract, and just pulls a Harem no Jutsu in front of the entire group of Elders And Main Family. First he does a Mass Shadow Clone, which makes everyone turn on Sharingan because Fancy New Techniques to steal! Sure, they were late on the shadow clones, but the kid is clearly gearing up for something! The something is Oiroke.

Anime Nosebleeds everywhere. Most of the elders were hit. Izuna was hit. Madara is not bleeding from the nose, but he is very upset about having semi-accidentally sharingan-memorized his weird adoptee’s Sexy Older Female Alter Ego. There is yelling.

Naruto’s like “Oh, I missed some!” and decides to try again with Reverse Harem no Jutsu because there are old ladies among the Elders, and maybe some straight women representing a guild, and maybe some gay guys he missed! Madara is still not bleeding. (He’s very demi and tbh Naruto only would have succeeded if he’d tried to use Hashirama’s face. Naruto does not know this. He just figures Madara is ace like Sasuke and that no variant is going to work.)

Izuna gets another nosebleed and is just like “Well, this is not how I planned on coming out as bi, but--” “Izuna, I literally do not care about you being bi as long as one of us has an heir at some point, I’m more upset about the fact that my child has been corrupted!”

Back in the Senju compound, there is... a lot of screaming, honestly, but every time Karin and Suigetsu start trying to kill each other again, Tobirama just shrugs and tells them not to break anything.

Very easy-going caretaker, really. He's got some very deadly toddlers in hand, but they're still just toddlers.

Sasuke: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Suigetsu: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Karin, clinging to Mito: Yeah, I want to go see my clan at some point. Juugo: Please never, ever take me to my clan. Ever. Please. I'll stay with Sasuke, thank you.

Naruto breaks out of the Uchiha compound the first time he enters Sage Mode, several months in (it took a while to get the privacy) because he feels Sasuke and lbr if Naruto knows where Sasuke is, nothing will stop him.

The Uchiha clansmen cannot catch the errant toddler. They fail to inform Madara until Naruto is already in Senju territory because nobody wanted to admit the toddler outmaneuvered them.

Naruto wasn’t sure how to get into the Senju Compound safely so he just goes full Kyuubi, bounds over the wall screaming SASUKEEEEE at the top of his lungs, and then shrinks back down to Tiny Brat size so he could hug his Bestest Friend Ever and cling like a limpet while Sasuke just sighs and stares at the wall.

Sakura ran after him.

Sai painted a bird and Yamato dragged Kakashi onto it to chase Naruto, because Kakashi is at a point of zen regarding Naruto's bullshit and fully trusts the kid to not die.

Obito refuses to look up from whatever he's doing and asks people why they think he cares.

“We told you to look after the toddlers!” “Why would you do that? Seems like poor planning on your part.”

Disappears when nobody's looking. Waits until the Ruckus at the Senju compound (where T7 has crashed in to tackle-hug Sasuke and Madara followed in and proceeded to get shouty, and nobody's dead or battling because they're too confused and also it's a comedy) has started to calm down, and then teleports in and demonstrates Mokuton just to make Madara's life harder when the Senju Elders start demanding answers.

His energy is very "I am here to make Madara's life harder" and Madara still doesn't know what he did wrong.

Madara: That brat has a Sharingan! Tobirama: Well THAT one has Mokuton! Obito: Yamato has it too. [angry teakettle noises]

Madara's first response to seeing Sasuke is to turn to Izuna and point aggressively at the toddler while making a tea-kettle noise "He looks just like you!" "He's four, he barely looks like anything!"

Naruto, tugging at Madara's hakama: You need to make a village with Hashirama so I can see Sasuke more often, cuz I don't wanna ditch you guys, but I gotta see Sasuke! He's my best friend! Madara, who is aware that he could fight this child but really doesn't want to, and also knows that a tantrum thrown by Naruto or Sasuke is capable of leveling mountains: Right, yes, we'll get right on that.

tbh Madara wants the village anyway but "The bijuu-whisperer said he wants it to happen" is a great way to push things forward.

[mira--mira]

Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

[animeyanderelover]

I'd love to see Hashirama with prompt 74. “As long as you love me everything is alright. You…you do love me, right?”

👍.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, angsty stuff

Prompt 74: “As long as you love me everything is alright. You...you do love me, right?”

You remembered that there had been often times where you had wished that Hashirama would just calm down since he was often a lot to deal with. He was always so clingy and the amount of affection he gave you was nearly suffocating, not to mention that you hadn’t forgotten the incident with your clothes. But that wasn’t even the biggest problem in here. No, that all was terrible too, but could be ended by a breakup. And that was the worst in here. Leaving him would be as good as impossible. Not only was there the danger of the whole village being disappointed in you as well as having his furious little bro in your neck, but Hashirama himself could possess quite the threat. He was Hokage. He had power. He could ruin you and your family’s life if he felt like and even get away with it. As much as Hashirama was a sunshine and almost a bit like a child, you had catched up onto one thing at some point into this relationship. Hashirama had a dark side to him. Everyone had, you knew that. You had one as well. But it became dangerous when this dark side was able to ruin someone else like Hashirama was. Luckily he didn’t let this side out very often, it was rarely seen because around you he was always the loving and smothering husband. But that made it also so much more terrifying if this side of him came out. Because it was almost like witnessing a nightmare in real life when seeing this man getting serious and mad.

But you had never seen him like this. He seemed so...so discouraged. So hopeless. So small. You had expected that he would be depressed after Madara had left the village, the man he had considered as his best friend. The man who he had happily introduced you to, the man who he had always stood up for, the man who had betrayed him and had attacked him. You couldn’t even image how hard this must have been for him. And the comments from Tobirama hadn’t really helped at all. He had just scolded him that he should have listened to him before and that he had been right after all about Madara. You and Mito had to literally hit him on his head to snap him out of his lecturing speech and help him realize how devastated Hashirama had looked. You had often seen him sulking about something or being depressed over more childish things. But this had only lasted for a short while, not concerning you too much at the end of the day. He had always been able to get over those small things very quickly and go back to his more goofy self. And that was the thing that had you currently worry the most. He hadn’t gone back to his old self. Instead he had been those last few days after the incident more quiet and thoughtful than usual, causing you to worry yourself almost sick over him. But the most heartbreaking thing you had witnessed so far was how needy he had suddenly gotten. It wasn’t the usual clingyness, it was almost like a desperation, a desire to know that you wouldn’t leave him like his friend had.

“Hey Hashi. What’s wrong?” Hashirama turned slightly surprised, slightly tired around when hearing your soft voice calling him. It was early morning, the sky still dark and most people would have still payed soundly asleep in bed. But not you two. When his gaze met yours he gave you a small smile. But it didn’t look like the ones he usually gave you. Of course there was still warmth and eternal love in it, but he also looked exhausted as well as if he was in pain. “Oh. Hey, darling. I didn’t want to wake you up. I’m sorry for disturbing your sleep. Go back to bed, it’s still pretty early.” You didn’t move, instead glancing with eyes filled with sadness at him. He looked so incredibly vulnerable as hunched over as he was sitting on the couch. Where was the once so energetic and always happy guy who you had so often a day called a moron because he had done something stupid? Where had that man gone? And when would he come back? You couldn’t just let him sit here and let him drown in self sorrow. You had to do at least try to do something for him. He had done so much for you too. So you slowly made your way over to the couch, slowly sitting down next to him. He didn’t react, instead staring with a hollow yet also sorrowful look in his eyes in the space, telling you what he was seeing right now before his inner eye could only be seen by him. You felt a small “pang” in your chest when seeing him spacing out like this, his eyes having lost the light they used to always have inside of them. How could you have ever thought of his personality as annoying and too much? Had you ever even considered that this might have been the reason why he had been even able to reach the position he was currently in right now? He had worked more than anybody else to establish the village and make peace with the other villages. His sometimes almost careless and easygoing looking attitude had given people always courage and hope.

But now he looked so broken, like a small child who needed protection. Or just someone who would be there for you. And if this person had to be you then you would damn well do it. Everything to get him out of his misery, the whole atmosphere in the village had already started to change and became more gloomy due to their leader being on his knees. You sighed worriedly, laying your hand on top of his. Hashirama didn’t look at you, but was quick to grab your hand and intervene his fingers with you, the pressure he put on your hand being only a bit too tight as if being scared that something might happen at the moment. “Hashirama,”, the tone you used reminded you of the one your mother used to use on you, strict yet gentle,”please look me in my eyes.” You had the feeling that he needed a moment or two before your words finally seemed to register in his brain and you almost thought that he wanted to avoid looking you in your face by the way he turned so incredibly slowly his head around to meet your gaze. He was ashamed, you could tell from the way he didn’t dare to look you in your eyes, always looking quickly down whenever he managed to look you for a short second in your eyes. You tried to give him some time to adjust, waiting patiently until he seemed to be a bit less tense than before.

“It’s not your fault, you know. I mean with Madara.” It wasn’t a very wise decision to mention his name like this, but you had to directly talk with Hashirama about this, even though he stiffened when hearing his name again. “No one blames you Hashi. Not the village, not your clan, not your brother nor Mito. And me neither. We all know you tried your best. The best might sometimes not be enough, but it’s the will that counts. You don’t need to be perfect or anything like this. It was Madara’s decision and you couldn’t have done anything to help him. I understand that it must be hard for you to live with the knowledge that your best friend turned against you and that you had to fight him. It’s a heavy burden on your soul and heart, but you aren’t alone with this. You have so many people in your life who are there for you. You just have to look out of the window and see the village, the people in there who are willing to help you. As harsh as it may sound, but you have to eventually let go of him. I don’t demand from you to erase those memories of of you and him together, but I ask you to accept that you couldn’t have done everything to stop him and to stop thinking that it’s all your fault. There are people who need you right now. So please stop being so sad and try to live with it. And if you aren’t strong enough to carry this on your own, I’m here for you just like your brother, Mito and so many more. Alright?”

Hashirama stared shocked at you, looking like he hadn’t expected you to say this. But only a short moment later the impact of what you had just said hit him. You had never seen him that emotional before which caused your heart to clench from sadness seeing him like this. You could see the visible hurt in his eyes, the feeling of not being able to do anything and prevent it from happening, the hurt of being betrayed from someone you had known for such a long time. The thing that made it even more bitter for you was that you also saw some of the emotions his eyes always used to hold for you when looking at you. The adoration and infinite love he used to have and still had for you. Together with his somewhat forced yet also thankful and sincere smile it let you feel an emotion that you couldn’t name, not knowing how to feel about the dualism of feelings displayed on his face. “As long as you love me everything is alright.” When saying this he suddenly crawled closer towards you, hugging your waist and laying his head on your lap. And you felt like your heart had just shattered in your chest, witnessing this complete action of utter desperation from his side. He had just come crawling to you like an insecure child needing comfort.

“You...you do love me, right?” You glanced down at him, looking at his eyes that begged you silently to tell him you did. What was this? Why was he doing this? Was he afraid that you would leave him too just like Madara did? Was that the reason why he was acting so needy right now? Did he need to hear that you loved him that badly? There were so many quest swirling around in your mind, but you put them all for the moment aside, focusing on the man clinging tightly onto your waist and tugging slightly on the fabric of your pajamas, wanting, needing you to answer his question. And how could you have said no to him when he was in such a fragile state like right now. “Of course I do, Hashi. I always will.”

[mavda]

Beast Tamers

Ch.1 |  Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4(1) | Ch.4(2) | Ch.5(1) | Ch.5(2) | Ch.5(3) | Ch.5(4) | Ch.6(1) | Ch.6(2) | Ch.6(3) | Ch.7(1) | Ch.7(2) | Ch.7(3) | Ch.7(4) | Ch.7(5) | Ch.8(1) | Ch.8(2) | Ch.8(3) | Ch.9(1) | Ch.9(2) | Ch.9(3) | Ch.9(4) | Ch.10(1) | Ch.10(2) | Ch.10(3) | Ch.10(4) | Ch.10(5) | Ch.10(6) | Ch.10(7) | Ch.11(1) |

Ch.11: The Hyuga clan (2)

It feels surreal. It feels right in a way that makes her heart hurt. Her cousin keeps close to her and Hinata can now talk without inhibition, without worrying. She talks about whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Neji doesn’t usually smile, has never been one to even smirk. But his tone is soft and he searches for her, probes her with questions. 

    They have started talking about their time back in the Hyuga clan and although it is obvious they are still apprehensive about it; although their eyes wander when the topic is reached; although the silences are longer and the words get lost more often. They talk. 

    Hinata guesses it is her fault she lets her guard down. The days are calm, her baby is healthy, she manages to catch Neji smirking once and Naruto is supposed to reach the Two-Tails territory within the week. Which means he’ll be back soon now. Sooner than when he left. Sooner than yesterday.

    Hinata is walking through the hallways lost in thought. Trying to keep herself from worrying about her husband and focusing on her health and her baby. The maid that rushes to her looks agitated and she opens and closes her mouth for a while before saying anything.

    “We have sent word to Lord Shikamaru,” she starts, her hands in front of her, her fingers pinching at each other. “Lady Mito, Lord Minato and Lord Jiraiya are outside the compound on business, and,” she looks at Hinata as if asking for forgiveness and Hinata only grows more apprehensive by the second, “we have sent for Lord Neji, too, he should be arriving any second now-”

    “Wait,” Hinata interrupts and the maid catches her breath, her lips closing together in a thin line, “what- what happened?”

    The maid is reluctant, she looks at Hinata with her brows furrowed and her gaze fixes on her lady’s white eyes. 

    “Lady Hinata’s father, Lord Hiashi is here.”

•····························•····························•

Hinata rushes to the guest room, then slows. The maid at her side follows her every movement and matches them accordingly. It only makes Hinata more nervous. 

She ought to go and meet her father.

She could also let Neji handle everything and hide in her room-

 -wait in her room.

She stands there a second too long, the maid stands close to her, then closer. Her voice is tinged with worry. “Maybe we should wait for Lord Neji, my lady.”

And in any other tone of voice maybe Hinata would have powered through. At any other point in her life, maybe she would have felt a surge of rebellion and walked alone. But this is another time, and the maid at her side doesn’t look away when Hinata turns to her. 

There is no irk in her eyes, no contempt. 

Hinata nods and tries her hardest to keep her thoughts from going haywire. It doesn’t work. Neji comes find her with his hair disheveled and his breath labored.

“Lady Hinata,” he breathes, and they share a look so heavy she wishes Neji could tell her they don’t need to- that they don’t have to-

“You don’t have to do this,” he finishes.

Hinata’s stomach turns. And leave him again to face this on his own? 

“I can meet Lord Hiashi on my own-”

“B-but…”

“It is different with me.”

He frowns and as he gets closer he reaches for her arms. Hinata knows he’s right. 

    “You know it.”

    She does. And she wishes she could accept this without having so much trouble. She wishes she could keep her father away from her. She wishes it didn’t hurt her to deny him.

    But it does. Somehow, for some reason, the moment she heard he was here her first instinct was to go to him. Somehow, without her being able to understand why, thinking of disappointing him is out of the question.

    “I… I want to g-go.”

    She averts her eyes, because she can’t face her cousin now. Neji squeezes her arm  and his next words are low, a whisper.

    “I understand.”

•····························•····························•

Her father is sitting in the room with an air around him that shows no emotion. Hinata’s steps falter at the sight, but his gaze doesn’t follow. His eyes are fixed in front of him, and Hinata is only able to look him in the eyes when she’s sitting and Neji is next to her, a little behind. A guard. An assistant.

    She waits for a signal. Loses herself in the white eyes of her father and realizes that she is the one who has to start talking when the silence drags on far too long for comfort.

    Her father remains silent and Hinata wonders if he would keep on being silent even if she decided to keep quiet. 

    She doesn’t. The role of being a good host ingrained in her body. 

    “Father,” she says. Her breathing controlled, her body perfectly positioned. “It is good to s-see you again.” She winces as she stutters, fears a berating coming.

    “It is good to see you again, too.”

    It’s weird. Seeing her father waiting for her to speak first. Being in a position where she controls the situation.

    It’s weird. Because she thought that even in here, even now, her father would impose himself. Would act like he did back home. 

    He doesn’t.

    She is lost in thought and Hiashi can’t help but stare at her stomach. Big and obvious beneath her clothes. 

    “How far along are you?”

    Hinata brings her hands to her belly immediately after, as if to keep her baby away from this conversation.

    “Twenty- twenty-eight weeks n-now.”

    Hiashi nods, then forces the words out of his mouth, “Congratulations.”

    His daughter looks up with disbelief at his words and says nothing. He had thought he knew her so well. Had thought he could read her like an open book. But now she remains silent and looks at him with questions she does not share. 

    And if she doesn’t ask her questions he can’t answer. 

    Silence fills the room again and Hiashi steals a look at Neji, who looks straight at the floor in front of him with the blankest of faces. Just like Hiashi had taught him. 

    He hadn’t entertained the idea of being welcomed. But he certainly hadn’t entertained the idea either of being… received like this.

    His daughter looks like he’s supposed to lash out at any moment and Neji sits tense like an arrow about to be released at any moment. 

    “Wha- what… What do I owe the h-honor of your visit, f-father?”

    “You didn’t write to me.”

    The moment the words leave his mouth Hiashi wishes he didn’t say anything. What a childish reason. What a lame excuse.

    “I… I d-did,” his daughter lies and Hiashi realizes now more than ever that maybe… this whole situation didn’t bother her as much as him.

    Hiashi’s eyes travel to his nephew, his stance so formal he can only feel proud for him. There is a voice at the back of his head telling him to let this go. To understand that this was a choice and not an obstacle, not a problem he had to solve. 

    It’s frustration what makes him speak. “I know Neji is the one who wrote all the letters you sent.”

    Hinata and Neji startle with the slightest of movements, and Hinata’s eyes look at her father with a growing feeling of shame. How could he-?

    “Do not forget I was the one who taught you penmanship, Hinata.” Aside from his words, there isn’t even the barest of signs to show there will be a conversation ensuing. Hiashi breathes in deep, lets out a shaky breath, “you too, Neji. I taught you both, I know how to recognize your writing,” Hiashi begins to stand, making sure his clothes don’t wrinkle on the way up, “or the way you fake Hinata’s writing, for that matter.”

    His daughter looks up to him, and as always, her eyes fill with questions she doesn’t express.

    But Hiashi now can guess what is it she expects of him, “Don’t worry, I’m leaving now.”

    He stands with his back to the children and starts putting on his haori with conscious and deliberately slow movements. 

    “Did you come here now because Lord Naruto is not present?” Neji asks.

    “No,” Hiashi answers, “it just happened to be when I had free time, I had no idea.”

    Hiashi finishes putting on his haori and takes his long hair out to his back. There are no further attempts to ask anything to him as he makes his way to the door. He steals one last glance at his daughter. At her pregnant belly. 

    “I wish for you to have a smooth delivery and a healthy baby.” He bows as he offers the words. Stops a few more seconds just looking at her from the door. 

    “Why… wh-why didn’t you c-come to my wedding c-ceremony?”

    A second. “The timing didn’t match, I was busy with the clan.”

    Hinata wants to ask what was going on that he couldn’t come, but her father bows one last time before he starts closing the sliding door.

    “Take care, Hinata.”

    Hiashi stands behind the door casting a shadow for a moment too long and then he hurries away. 

    He lost his opportunity to ask for permission to see his grandchild after they’re born.

•····························•····························•

“Are you all right?”

“Y-yes.”

    Neji stares at the sliding door, as if expecting for Lord Hiashi to come back any moment now. 

    “I don’t… I don’t really understand why Lord Hiashi came here.”

    Hinata doesn’t know nor understand either, but she knows one thing for sure. 

    “Can you h-help me go back to my r-room?”

    “Of course,” Neji stands in a flash, offering his hand as support and pressing the other to her back. “Are you feeling… all right?”

    “Yes, just a little…” she doesn’t finish and Neji doesn’t keep on probing. 

    Neji takes her to her bedroom, makes sure she’s comfortable and leaves her alone. She doesn’t say anything and doesn’t ask him to stay. So he leaves. He’s sure… Lord Hiashi coming here rattled her nerves. 

    Hinata stays alone and eats alone. The night comes in a second and Shikamaru comes see her when he can. She’s all right. Nothing happened. He has nothing to worry about. He leaves with the same face Neji had given her in the afternoon. 

    Hinata wishes… she had said more. Wishes she had had the courage and strength to talk. On her terms, on her home. 

    And she didn’t.

    She couldn’t.

    She’s going to be a mother and she’s incapable of talking like an adult to her own father. 

    The faces Neji and Shikamaru gave her only serve to make her feel… worse.

    She feels bad. 

    From the moment her heart started thumping inside her chest knowing her father was here.

    From the moment she understood fear was the smallest of the feelings inside of her. 

    Her father had come to see her and she had felt excited at the idea he had come for her. 

    She hated it. The moment she understood it. She hated it. Hated it as she laid eyes on him, hated it as she felt guilt over his accusations, hated it as she accepted his reasons for not attending her wedding with a readiness that scared her. 

    Hated it as she wished for him to stay longer. 

    She wants to hate him so bad. Has wished to be able to be spiteful all her life. But she can’t. She can’t, she can’t. She can only remember his kindness, can only justify his wrongdoings. 

    She loathes the fact that all of her resolve crumbled down the moment he came back into her life. 

    She can live without him. Wants to live without him.

    But only one word from him and she would accept him back into her life.

    As the tears fall and she tries to clear her thoughts, she grabs one of Naruto’s clothes to their bed. With his scent around her, making as if he’s right beside her, she sniffles once more and falls asleep.

[raendown]

Another follower milestone gift fic! @uintuva asked for the prompt word somnolent!

Pairing: TobiramaKakashi Word count: 1919 Rated: T+ Summary: Kakashi hurries home, excited for something he honestly never expected to be excited for.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

To Bed, Perchance To Sleep

In the privacy of his own mind where no one would ever hear him being this ridiculous Kakashi wondered, if he were excited enough, whether he could vibrate out of his own skin. With every step and push he could practically feel nervous energy gathering in unexpected places inside of him until he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop moving when he finally did make it home. 

He was going to babysit. 

What he wouldn’t give to reach back in time and see how his younger self reacted to the news that he was actually excited about this. For years he’d held firm to the belief that he didn’t like kids and kids didn’t like him. If anything he tended to scare them. How time had changed him that he should be pushing chakra in to his legs to run faster just to get there in time to be a part of this. 

Okay so maybe it wasn’t really him that was babysitting, more that Tobirama was the one being trusted with properly caring for such tiny lives, but Kakashi lived in the house too so he got to be babysitter number two by default. If he could get home in time. Somehow even getting himself thrown back in time several generations still did nothing to staunch the habit of taking too many missions and running himself in to the ground without thought. Tobirama was working on that. Which was laughable. 

Hashirama was working on both of them, in truth, and his efforts were at least slightly more successful.

Thin clouds of dust puffed up around his feet as Kakashi dropped through the trees to land in the middle of a road very few would ever find unless they knew where to look, a road that twisted through trees grown of Hashirama’s mokuton so that none could ever pass through here unnoticed. He was so close to the Senju compound he could practically smell the ever present pall of smoke that came from living without electricity. Now the smell of home in his mind; how strange the things that had changed since he found himself in another time.

Several pairs of eyes tracked his progress in to the hidden compound, though none made any move to reveal themselves or stop him. Kakashi bounded past the gate with the sort of energy that would usually exhaust him just to watch from afar. He made his way through the lazy throngs of off duty Senju with light feet, rebounding off of walls and spinning around one granny with particularly bad knees, blithely ignoring the indulgent smiles that followed him all the way to the Senju main house he still had trouble believing he was allowed to live in. Even before he and Tobirama had somehow fumbled their way in to an emotionally constipated relationship he’d been given the honor of calling this his own home. 

Being a time traveller came with some really cool perks and catching the interest of a genius was one of the better ones. 

The front door very nearly banged open when he crashed through it; Kakashi only managed to stop it with a very undignified lunge at the last second, not wanting to scare the children deeper inside. One of the lower clan members who came in to clean the home watched him with an amused smile. Ignoring them, he toed off his sandals and scurried away down the hall until he was pausing outside of a door cracked just enough for Tobirama’s familiar rumble to whisper through. 

When Kakashi pushed the door ever so slightly he was treated to the sight of his partner cradling a small body between his arms and speaking down to the babe with the same serious expression he used when laying out battle plans. A tiny influx of chakra to his ears and suddenly Kakashi wasn’t sure if he wanted to break down crying or burst out laughing. 

“That’s when you add the sulphur,” Tobirama was saying, “but it’s important you do so very slowly or else the solution will spill and it’s very corrosive on human skin.”

“Maa, trying to start teaching them young?” 

His partner looked up at him with a blink and then pouted defensively. “She hasn’t fussed once since I started talking, doesn’t that mean it’s interesting?” 

“I think it means she’s six months old and enjoys the sound of your voice.” 

“Hmph. It could be the science.” 

“Yes, I suppose it could be.” 

Kakashi stepped further in to the room and very carefully did not melt in to a little puddle on the floor when a second figure waved at him from underneath several blankets against the opposite wall. “Kaka-ojisan!” 

How on earth Hashirama and Mito could have two children who looked so much like their father yet still possessed the grace of their mother could be nothing short of miraculous. Although no one had ever worked up the courage to say so to their clan head, most of the Senju had been part of the betting pool when Mito first got pregnant, passing theories back and forth about just how goofy any child of poor Hashirama would turn out. No one had really suspected these adorable little mites. 

“Is it bedtime already?” Kakashi asked, aware his voice carried just a hint of whining protest. 

“After the story is finished, yes.” When Tobirama nodded it was with just a hint of sympathy like he’d tried to put this off for as long as possible. 

“But I didn’t get to play!”

Little Takuma immediately began trying to extricate himself from the many blankets tucked in around him. “I’ll play with you Kaka-ojisan!” 

“Mmn, you will tomorrow,” Tobirama cut the boy off. Before either of them could protest he shook his head. “I promised that we would try to wait for Kakashi’s return but I did not promise we would do away with bedtime entirely. You need sleep, little one, or you will never grow.” 

“You don’t sleep!”

“I am already grown,” he pointed out in a bland tone. 

Kakashi watched Takuma pouting and honestly wanted to do so himself. He’d been so looking forward to this. For the first time in his life he’d been excited to spend time in the company of children. Now it felt like someone had dangled a toy in front of his eyes only to snatch it away as soon as he reached for it and he was uncomfortably aware of how similar to the children he was acting. Such awareness was all that kept the protests behind his teeth as Tobirama instructed their nephew to lay back down. 

Since he had apparently missed playtime Kakashi figured he might as well soak up what he could. Despite the fact that he was already buried under several layers Takuma seemed to enjoy having his Uncle Kakashi come over to tuck the blankets up under his chin, showing his appreciation with a massive yawn that almost cracked his jaw in half. Tobirama murmured a few more lines of whatever experiment he’d been describing as he transferred the babe in his arms to the crib Hashirama had grown for her and then there was little to do but to say goodnight.

“But I’m not sleepy,” Takuma insisted even as his eyes drooped. 

“Of course not,” Tobirama said. 

“I’m really not! I wanna play with Kaka-ojisan!”

He opened his mouth to say more but yawned instead and Kakashi’s heart clenched in his chest. 

“We can play tomorrow, how does that sound?” he bartered. Takuma thought that over. 

“Not now?” 

Tobirama was shaking his head as he herded himself and Kakashi towards the door. “Now is bedtime.” 

A very small part of him hoped that when he looked back he would be met with bright and eager eyes ready to leap out of bed. The rest of him very reluctantly acknowledged that his partner was right, small children that age really did need as much sleep as they could get to grow healthy and strong. Already Takuma’s drooping eyes were sliding shut only to snap back open to half mast in the hopes he could convince either adult that he was okay to stay up. A wasted effort. By the time they closed the door Kakashi was sure the boy would be fast asleep. 

He didn’t need the amused lift of his partner’s left eyebrow to know that his mask was formed around the shape of a pouting bottom lip. Kakashi stuck his nose in the air and turned to march down the hall as if he weren’t feeling a very childish temper tantrum building up in his chest. Unfortunately he only made it as far as a few steps in to the room they shared before Tobirama caught up to him, strong arms sliding around his middle even as one foot reached back to kick the door shut. 

“You got home much later than I expected you to.”

“I tried to be fast,” Kakashi murmured. “Just took a lot longer than I wanted it to.” 

“Mmn, isn’t that always the way.” 

Eyeing the bed wistfully, Kakashi sighed. “You know, I’ve never liked kids all that much but I really was looking forward to playing house with you and all that. Just for a day. Just once.”

“Knowing my brother, I’m certain there will be many other opportunities for him to foist his responsibilities on to us. Mostly paperwork, no doubt, but a man does need some alone time with his wife every so often.” 

“Wanting alone time is something I can understand.”

Tobirama nuzzled in to the back of his neck with an agreeable hum. “Now what do you say we get you cleaned up and in to bed as well?”

“I’m not sleepy,” Kakashi declared with a smile. Pale fingers reached around to tug at the edge of his mask until it fell down around his neck, face exposed to the world. Then those same fingers pulled at his chin to bring him around so he could see the unimpressed look on his partner’s face. 

“Did I ask if you were?”

“But why would I go to bed if I’m not sleepy?”

“Sage preserve me, I don’t know why I put up with you.”

Even as he spoke the words Tobirama’s voice was so tender it would have been impossible to miss the blatant affection in them. He made a big deal out of rolling his eyes and puffing with annoyance but in the end he leaned in to capture Kakashi’s lips with his own, drawing out the kiss until they were fumbling their feet and twisting their bodies to face each other properly. 

“Are you feeling sleepy now?” he mumbled eventually. “Or do I need to convince you a little more?”

“Oh no, I am simply beyond exhausted all of a sudden. Bed time. Yes. Shower and bed. Woe is me but I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it on my own!” In pretending to swoon Kakashi very nearly missed the tender affection worn so openly on his partner’s face.

“I’ll help you,” Tobirama told him. 

Kakashi didn’t bother to hide his interest. He may have started his day out excited for something entirely different but maybe a change in plans wasn’t entirely terrible. As his partner had said, there would be other opportunities on other days. For now he was content to follow wherever the man in his arms wanted to lead him. 

Especially to bed.

[write-like-you-mean-it]

A Hunter’s Prey: A Feeling Worse than Death

Killua looked at the needle with a smug look on his face. He tossed the small, bloody pin towards me. He must’ve expected me to catch it, but I let it fall into the grass. “Illumi is a manipulator and incapable of loving anyone. He is dad’s pawn. The only reason he likes me is because I am to be the heir.”

“I-I don’t understand,” I mutter while looking between the two boys. “What does this mean?”

Killua’s attitude changed. He seemed to finally understand my confusion. Killua took a deep sigh as the realization of how far in denial I was. “Come on, you can’t be that stupid. You must’ve seen Illumi’s needles before. His Nen type is manipulation. He uses needles infused with Nen to manipulate people into doing things for him.”

“Illumi would never-” I start. 

“Yes, he would,” interrupts Killua. “You’re stupid or suck in denial if you believe he would never do this. He did it to me, his own brother who he loves the most. He does it to people regularly. Once you switch into assassin mode, you don’t care about anyone else. You’re only focused on your target. I should know.” 

“Killua,” said Gon while putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder. A quiet sign to calm down. 

“No, Gon,” replied Killua while moving his hand away and walking towards me. “I already warned her at the mansion that Illumi doesn’t care for her. It’s time she gets it through her skull that helping out Illumi isn’t good. He doesn’t care for her.” Killua went and picked up the needle and put it in my hand. “Once you see Illumi, give it back to him.”

A few tears ran down my face as Killua’s words started to register. “I…” words refused to come out. “I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t know exactly who I was apologizing to. Myself? Killua? Gon? None of those seem right. Gon looked between Killua and myself. He seemed as lost as I did. 

“Sorry? You’re sorry? For what?” says Killua. “I tried to warn you. You should’ve ran when I told you. It would’ve saved you a lot of hurt.”

I looked down at the needle that he’d put into my hand. It looked exactly like the ones I’d play with when I was stuck in Illumi’s room. It was Illumi’s. I wiped away a few tears from my eyes. I looked down at my hand now covered in smeared blood. 

“Y/N,” said Gon, finally finding a way to join the conversation. “I can go and get a first aid kit. I’ll be right back.” Killua and I watched as the child ran inside his own house and shut the front door. 

“Killua, I-I didn’t know. I should have never come to find you. I’m sorry for putting you and Alluka in danger.”

Killua seemed to finally calm down as he looked me up and down. I must look pathetic in his eyes. I, a controlled person, standing with shaky legs, blood dripping from my head, and tears threatening to fall at any moment. 

The younger Zoldyck sibling sighed a deep, moanful exhale. “You’re not the only one Illumi has controlled. It took a lot of will power to finally be able to let go. Your mind should come back to you soon enough.”

I nodded along with his statement but there was so much that he didn’t know. So much that had happened between us. Between the letter, ring, and baby, I didn’t know what to believe. Too many thoughts wrapped around my brain as I questioned the last year of my life. I’d been so blind sided by manipulation that I hadn’t noticed my world had stopped. I hadn’t questioned a lot related to my life. I’d accepted Illumi’s love without hesitation because I thought he really did love me. Now, I know it was an act. How much of our relationship was a lie? I became too afraid of that question. 

Instead of living with the thought of the future Zoldyck still inside my womb, I turned my attention to Killua. “I can see why your brother likes you so much. There’s so many good qualities that he never had.”

My comment didn’t phase the white-haired boy. “I know.” At this point, the door opened to reveal Gon carrying a first aid kit in his hand. He had me sit down while taking care of the wound on my head. Killua gave me a nod before going inside the house. 

“I’m sorry,” Gon said while touching a particularly tender spot near where Killua’s hand penetrated only moments before my reality shifted. His apology wasn’t just from the touch. I could tell that these emotions were too much for him. Gon was still a child. 

“It’s alright,” I said. I felt a quick buzz in my back pocket. I pulled out my phone to check the message on the screen. Illumi’s name made my heart fall deep within the void in my stomach. It sloshed around enough that I felt like puking. 

“Who is it?” questioned Gon as he finished my wrapping. 

“Illumi,” I said with a dry mouth. “He’s home and wants me to meet him.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure.” I put my phone back into my pocket. “I’ll come up with it later. I don’t need to bother you with my own drama. You’ve been very kind to me.”

Gon too his hand off of my head only to sit next to me. “Why do I get the feeling that this is a goodbye?”

A small smile crossed my face as we both knew the truth. “I hope you get your Nen back,” I reply. 

Gon’s face mirrored mine. This last month became a blessing in disguise. I came to see him with the same manipulative tactic as Illumi only to find how much I cared for this child. A month, in the grandness of time, is so small; however, I learned to be a better person through Gon. His appreciation for Killua, discussion about Kite, his father, and friends and talks over dinner made me realize how I would like to raise my child. I’d want someone as kind and strong as him.

“I hope everything with Illumi goes well.”

“Gon, Aunt Mito has finished dinner,” called Killua. We turn to look at the door. Gon stands up and runs towards his friend. 

“Y/n,” said Killua. “Be careful. You can still run away. It’s what I’ve been doing and it’s been nice.”

“I wish I could Killua but there’s so much that you don’t know. It was nice to meet you too. Take care of your sister and Gon. Hopefully I’ll see you on better terms.”

Killua didn’t respond but gave a head nod of acknowledgement. It was a sign of mutual respect between two people who’d been hurt by Illumi. I waited until the door shut before finally letting tears fall. “I hope you’re able to see your niece or nephew.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the walk back to the hotel, Illumi texted me two more times. One message stating the place I was to meet him and where and the last one asking why I hadn’t responded. Each text was like a punch to my soul. The pit in my stomach began to feel heavier with each passing thought. 

As I entered my room, there came one final text. All it read was ‘you’ll be here tomorrow.’ Illumi was always commanding in texts. Before, I’d assumed it was a harsh upbringing which made him a terrible and demanding texter. I don’t see it that way anymore. I set the phone on the side table while I crawled into bed. 

The old comforter did little to provide me with comfort. I wrapped the blanket so hard around my body that I could feel it strangling the love from deep within my heart. Only here, did I cry. I cried, sobbed, thrashed, yelled, and cried some more as emotions wracked my frame. Illumi wasn’t the person I thought he was. Instead of a prisoner, I was engaged to the guard. I was carrying the child of a person that couldn't understand love. 

My body became a shaking mess after I’d cried out all the water. My phone buzzed a few more times as Illumi’s messages kept getting more desperate. One begging for a confirmation of the time tomorrow to meet. The last one was even more demanding by stating that he knew I’d read his messages but hadn’t responded. I shouldn’t have even checked them to begin with. 

As I placed my phone down once again, I saw his note he gave to me. His writing even gave away the idea he could manipulate people. He wanted me to use it on anyone that would hurt me. Little did I know that it would be him who hurt me the most. 

I decided to take a few more hours until I would respond. I had to gather my thoughts on what I wanted to say when I met with him. The floating questions buzzed around my head like a swarming nest of flies. Why did he do it? Did he think I couldn’t love him? Was he ever going to tell me? Do I actually love him? Do I even care for him? 

I hadn't noticed I was rubbing my belly until I looked down at the growing stomach. It still looked the same as before but this time, I knew there was something different. I was carrying a monster’s child. I would be raising this monster’s child. More desperate tears ran down my face as the buzzing from my phone grew louder and louder in my head. 

I cried until I could feel the puffiness of my eyes and tear streaks down my face. It wasn’t a pretty cry. It was a cry only found within those who have been ruined. I ruined my own life by falling in love with a monster. 

The crimson sun pierced through the blinds. I hadn’t realized I fell asleep until the bird tweeted and the sun awoke me. It was early morning when I finally woke up from death. My head felt dizzy and the remnants of tears had turned my skin numb. I finally decided it was time to message back Illumi.

Illumi had left message after message. All of them were a mixture of demands. Some were soft ones that pleaded with me to text him back while some were angry messages. There were so many messages that it had become overwhelming to read them all. The last message was at two in the morning. All it read was ‘please respond, Y/N.’ 

That message seemed to be softer than the rest. A broken Illumi begging for a response from me. My fingers typed out a quick message that asked where and when he would like to meet. His response was almost immediate. ‘Meet me at York New in your old apartment. I’ll be waiting.’

My hands shook as I packed my bags. Part of me wanted to say goodbye to the close friend I’d gained. The smarter part knew that they were already gone. Those children didn’t seem like the type to stay in one place. 

The travel from Whale Island to the airport seemed like a death sentence. I felt like I was going to my death. My hands would absentmindedly play with the small bag of stuff Illumi had given to me. My mind wandered to the stuff inside the bag all bought by Illumi. Even far away, he was in control of what I wore, my finances, and almost all parts of my mind. I became so consumed with how excited he’d be once he found out about my new Nen ability. Each grueling day was to prove I was worthy of his time. I should have been asking if he was worth mine. 

At the airport, I bought a small bag. I placed the positive test and ring inside the decorative bag. To the normal looking person, it would look like a present. To me, it was a coffin where my heart went to die. When I bought the bag, I had made up my mind. I shoved the bag into my backpack while buying one final ticket to York New. 

This plane ride was worse. The sky felt heavy. The people seemed more like strangers. Even the air had added density. It became hard to breathe as the plane landed on the air strip. Within an hour, I’d be face to face with the person who ruined my life. 

While walking through the York New airport, a few people seemed to give me a harsh glance as if I'd done something wrong. Maybe they knew where I was headed. Did they take pity on a dead girl walking? Why should they?

My hands shook as I held onto the doorknob of my old apartment. In my past life, there would be no hesitation to come back here. It was my safe space in the hustle of the busy streets. Today, I felt as unsafe as if I were to share a jail with a murderer. 

I didn’t know how I expected Illumi to be when he  finally arrived back. One side of me thought he would have already known about my revelation. What I didn’t expect was for him to be lounging on my couch. His legs were long enough that they were bumping against my coffee table. His eyes were pacing back and forth between the phone and a random chick flick movie on the screen. He looked weirdly domestic. 

Illumi’s appearance hadn’t changed much. He still had the long, silky hair and pale face. However, I saw him change when he looked at me. The furrowed brow became a mixture of diluted emotions. Illumi immediately stood up. “Y/n,” he said. “What happened?”

His concern seemed weirdly out of place for the Illumi I’d known. My bandage. It was still there from when Gon had wrapped my head. No wonder I had gotten strange looks from passersby. “Nothing.” My voice shook as I spoke. My fidgeting hand held up the needle that had been lodged into my head. “Would you mind explaining this?”

Illumi’s face didn’t change. He only took a step back from me and stood a little taller. “You must’ve talked with Killua.”

“I won’t tell you if I did or didn’t. I want answers, Illumi.”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes. Tell me everything from when you placed the pin in my head to now.” 

Illumi didn’t respond at first. He decided to walk towards me, pick up the pin, and go sit back down on the couch. The love confession of two random characters played in the background as Illumi stayed silent. I, apprehensively, took a seat in the armchair catty corner to him. 

His soulless eyes were still hyper focused on the pin in his hand. “I should have sent you home. Not on this mission.”

“You’re not answering what I want. I can still leave. You’re lucky I returned at all.”

“I was beginning to guess that this was why you weren’t returning my messages even after looking at them. The only three people who knew about this trick were my father, Hisoka, and Killua. Now it seems I have a fourth.”

“When did you start controlling me?”

“The night at the bar. I had to have you as my own. You were too busy with other men to even notice me watching you.”

My mind went back to that night. I could remember more details than ever. “I was never drunk. Was I?”

Illumi, after a thorough examination of his work, placed the pin down. “Yes you were.”

“Then no one put anything in my drink that night.”

“That’s wrong too. You wouldn’t have gone with me if I hadn’t.”

I felt my heart drop. Illumi had drugged me that night. “Y-you did this?”

“You were out for a few days. I placed the pin in while you were taken to my house. Mother and father didn’t suspect a thing.”

“You drugged me?” I couldn’t get my mind wrapped around how vicious and volatile Illumi had been. It made my stomach churn the empty contents. I doubt I’d be able to eat for weeks. 

“Would you have fallen in love with me otherwise? An assassin who is too involved with family matters. I did what I had to.”

“No,” I said. “You made my choice for me. I wanted to leave. You forced me into a life that I didn’t want. You made me lose everything.” My emotions ran high as I finally stood up from my chair. “Illumi, you made me lose everything.”

“You gained so much more with me. Your ability to use Nen, a loving family, a loving significant other who will do anything for you. Isn’t that what all girls want?”

I couldn’t believe what was coming from his mouth. “No. That is not what I want. I had a stable job, friends, a life. You took it away from me. You made me watch my friends die. You made me fall in love with you. You made me into a monster just like yourself.”

“I am not a monster.”

“Yes you are. Who controls a person they love?”

“A lot of people.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“You still believe you’re right with doing this? What else haven’t you been telling me? Did you actually leave to go somewhere else? What else have you been lying to me about?”

“Nothing. I was really gone. Now how about you calm down and we can have a rational discussion.”

I let out the air in my lungs. I could see red encircling my vision. “I don’t have rational discussions with people I loath.”

Illumi cocked his head as he seemed confused. “But you still love me.”

“No. I detest what you did. You used me. I didn’t consent to anything. My whole year was a lie. The only people that were kind to me was the Phantom Troupe without you.”

I couldn’t tell if Illumi was hurt or disinterested in my words. His lack of facial expressions made me angry. He was too calm for his own good. “Who's to say that once you get bored of me, you won’t kill me? I’m nothing more than a breeding machine to keep up the Zoldyck name. I meant nothing to you.”

“I thought we were to be truthful here.”

“I am.” I reached within my bag and produced the present bag I bought at the airport. “Good thing you already knocked me up so you can get rid of me faster.” I chucked the present at him. He easily dodged but the contents flew from the bag. The ring and pregnancy test clattered to the ground. 

Illumi didn’t seem to connect what was given to him. “You’re pregnant?” 

“Yes. And I’m leaving you.”

Next Chapter

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[metawish]

Family x Hunter: My mini analysis about family relationships in HxH

I am a HUGE sucker for found family troupes and family-oriented stories. There just aren't enough stories to explore the nature of those relationships and how influencial they can be to our development as people. For those of us who's primary relationships are our families, we're left out of the dialouge.

So imagine my surprise when Hunter x Hunter ended up being the anime I can't stop thinking about precisely because of the MULTIPLE family relationships and psudorelationships that happen throughout the plot. Imagine my double surprise when it turns out those family relationships are prioritized and emphasized in the anime over others like the all too popular friendship.

Written for the Carnival of Aro’s Jan 2021 Theme: Stories

Take the premise as a starting point. Gon decides to become a hunter, not because it's cool or because he wants to find some rare cool thing he's never seen before. No, instead, he wants to become a hunter to get closer to his absent father. The ENTIRE show only happens because Gon is driven by a desire to connect with and forge a relationship with his father. I think I can safely say that the family aspect of Hunter x Hunter is embeded into it's core.

Then take a look at the reasons the other main four choose to become hunters. Kurapika is hoping to avenge the massacur of his family clan, a clan that does not interact with the outside world. His entire character arc and development is based on this goal of seeking revenge.

Killua is at the Hunter exam because he heard it was easy. But then we learn, he left home because he wants to REJECT his family obligation to take up the family business.

"Okay, fair," I hear you all say, "but what about Leorio? He just wants money."

Let me help you connect the dots here. First, he claims he wants to become a hunter because of the money. Then we learn he wants to use that money to become a doctor and then provide free medical treatment for those who cannot afford it. THEN we learn that this motivation STEMS from a childhood incident where a best friend of his ended up dying from a treatable illness because he couldn't afford the medical treatment neccessary. Leorio decided then that he did not want anyone else to experience that, tried to go at it the normal way, and realized that it would be nearly impossible for him to afford it. Any average person might end up giving up on this dream, but Leorio was so dedicated to his goal that he ended up training to become a hunter, a physically and mentally strenuous task. JUST so he can get access to more money.

If anything, Leorio's the one who's most motivated by platonic relationships! While Kurapika,Gon, and Killua's motivations are based on obligations to family, Leorio's motivation is only suggested. It isn't like this friend is still alive and Leorio is obligated to save him. No one but Leorio is beholden to the completion of his mission. The strength in that bond has to be strong for him to go to the lengths he did.

AND THIS IS ONLY THE VERY BEGINNING!

Gon's arc goes from becoming a hunter to finding his dad. Kurapika disappears from the story precisely because he is off getting revenge. Killua's development as a character entirely rests in the way he navigates between his family, with entire plots surrounding the Zoldyks. Leorio reenters the narrative JUST to show how deeply he cares for Gon and Killua, and serves as a nice foil to Ging, Gon's father.

I physically cried during Killua's final arc, when he apologized to his youngest sister, asking for her forgiveness after being a "bad big brother." Killua went from essentially running away from home rejecting his family, to asking for forgiveness from a cherished family member. And the nuance inbetween! Freeing himself from his oldest brother's mind control. Finding common ground with his father that, at least in the anime, never gets used against him. Rejecting the family business without rejecting the family. While it still feels incomplete, the joy at seeing him reconnect with a family member and promise to always be together forever made the little shrivelled starved heart of mine swell satisfied.

Killua is a perfect example of the story focusing on his family relationships over his friendships, or at the very least, implying that those family relationships are more important than those with his friend. Does Killua leverage the fact that he made a pact with his dad to never abandon a friend? Yeah. But the fact is that he still went to his family for help.

In the last episode, he tells Gon, his first and only friend, that they have to part ways since he has to protect his little sister. He even says that she comes first before Gon. After struggling to understand if Gon is as committed to him as Killua was to him, he finds closure in his little sister's dedication and wholesome affection. (When he asks Alluka if he was the only one in the whole world that loved her, would that be enough, her response was that she couldn't stop smiling. Because the answer was yes. And perhaps, it was also a question for Killua. Is Alluka's love for him enough?)

And Leorio. LEORIO. As I said, he disappears from the narrative, largely because his mission and Gon's are not the same. But when Gon is out of commission, Leorio comes back into play. The PLOT is affected by this decision and MOVES because if this. Leorio was simply trying to find a way to help his friend, and decides to publically ask his father where he is during such a critical time. Leorio's emotions at Ging's lack thereof ends up putting him in the spotlight, a spotlight he uses every time to seek answers for Gon and to reaffirm his commitment to saving Gon. As much as I HATED the slowmotion, the reunion between Leorio and Gon after Gon's been healed was felt deep in my SOUL. Contrast that QUITE LITERALLY with Ging's reaction and we have the potential for some major character development and storytelling about what a family relationship really is about.

Do we have to earn those familiar relationships? Are we expected to commit to people who are not committed to us simply because they are blood? Can we reject them? Is Killua's reject of his oldest brother over their younger sister a conflict that cannot be solved? Can we form them with strangers? Who is more of a stranger to Gon; his absent dad or the guy he met on a ship headed to an exam? Are we obligated to our family duties like Killua and the family business or Kurapika and his life destroying hunt to avenge his dead family?

Kurapika's story felt a little flat, which is a shame because there is so much potential to explore! The struggle to avenge his clan stems not from his clan, but from his own trauma and pain. His family was ripped right under him, leaving him no one to rely on. Instead of form new relationships, he rots along with his family. In a sense, his disappearance from the narrative represents his character regression, fading from existance like his family.

From a family taken away, to a father who was never there in the first place. Gon's story feels incomplete. Feels a bit like Gon's growth as a character is secondary to the advancement of the plot. Feels like sweeping major issues under the metaphorical rug and calling it a fun show. This man never once visited his son. When leaving a recording for his son, he flat out told Gon he did not want to see him at all. During his time in the hospital, never once did he visit. Sure, we see him remain confident that Gon is alright, but is this confidence misplaced? Is this even true confidence in a person he's never met before? I feel like I am missing a giant piece of the puzzle explaining why Gon, a 12 year old boy who had no male figure in his life, easily accepts Ging.

Let's not forget how Gon didn't even WANT to learn more about his birth mother, a mystery that we will never solve. Just another example of trying to answer what family means. Mito is an aunt, but to Gon, Mito is his mother. (Yet Ging can still be his father? Why not Leorio? A far more deserving man of any affection whatsoever.)

How the story should go. After meeting up with Ging, he continues to go on an adventure with him. As they travel through the far more dangerous continent, Gon faces death multiple times. All this while Ging continues without regard for his safety. Gon reflects, thinking back to his friend Killua, who would attack Gon if it was to protect him. Who called him the sun. Back to Leorio, who hugged Gon like he mattered. Who said he was sorry for not being there for him. As they continue on, he reflects on who really matters. A call for help from his friends. Does he answer the call or remain by his father's side?

What makes a familiar relationship? Blood? Obligation? Depth of affection? Trust? Who makes or breaks those ties? How much do we grow from those relationships?

Hunter x Hunter exceeds my expectations, but also fails to live up to the story it sets itself up to be. I never thought I'd see such an incredible character development that centers on family. I hoped for something on the Ging & Gon front, perhaps as a means of exploring my own thoughts on the matter. Sorely disappointed. I think about this anime often because there is still much left to the imagination. A story unfinished. Perhaps that's what makes it a good story; especially one that decides to kick the standard and focus on a relationship that all of us have dealt with, but many of us overlook.

Is this show good? Debatable. What isn't debatable is how important family is to the plot and character development of the show. Maybe, in an alternative world somewhere, there is a satisfying ending where Gon acknowledges his own family trauma. He realizes how important his friends are, maybe seeing them more as his own family. Kurapika's revenge slowly fizzles out, instead replaced by the need to protect what's still alive. Killua resolves his family issues while remaining true to himself and Leorio adopts Gon.

Maybe the real family is the one we make along the way.

[nekomassetters]

Four

"Yeah I saw him too, he's super cute!"

As you walk into the girls' volleyball gym the next day, you see most of your teammates huddled together. When you draw near you're able to hear that they're talking about the boys' volleyball team.

"And their captain was super cute," says Ritsuko as she dreamily reminisces her brief interaction with Kuroo from the day before.

"Did you see that tall kid with silver hair? He's in my class and he's super hot but kinda scary, too. You think Y/N's gonna be okay with them?" Nakamura, another one of your teammates, asks Ritsuko.

You look over and see Ritsuko look past the purple-haired girl, towards you. The rest of the team turns as well.

"I'll be fine," you shrug as you try to get their attention off of you.

"Are you positive?" asks Mito, "One of them came up to me once and kept asking me for my number one time."

Mito gives you a worried look before continuing her comment.

"Each time I said no his smile would get bigger," she shivers as he thinks back to the interaction which, as you guess, was probably with Yamamoto.

You roll your eyes and walk up to the group.

"What do you think of them since you got to play with them, Y/N?" Ritsuko asks.

"They were all actually really nice."

Ritsuko groans as she rolls her eyes.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

Your captain sneers at you and then playfully pokes your cheek, hoping to provoke a reaction from you.

"Who do you think is cute, huh?"

You tense up for a moment at the question while thinking back to yesterday. Eventually, you just end up letting out a sigh and walking away from the group.

"Y/N you're never going to get a boyfriend if you keep friend-zoning everyone!"

This was it. Ritsuko had finally provoked you enough to elicit a reaction.

"What the hell do you know about that?" you yell as you turn back around to her.

"Kai-chan came in here last semester, after you broke your arm, looking for you. He wanted to talk about, well, you know Y/N," she teases.

"What are you two talking about?" Nakamura asks out of curiosity and worry, "What's between you and Kai?"

"Nothing," you say as you slowly shake your head, "I just told him I wasn't interested in him."

The girls all begin to groan sadly.

"But he's cuteee," wines Mito, "the two of you would have been cute together."

"Oh shut up," you complain, "he was my friend and I told you guys a long ass time ago he's not my type."

Ritsuko walks up to you and confidently wraps her arm around your shoulder.

"Let's all leave Y/N alone. There's probably someone else she has a crush on anyway."

"U-Uh Ritsu!" you stutter as you push her off of you, "Can we just play volleyball now?"

📷

Once practice has ended, you grab your jacket from your bag. As you reach down you feel someone take hold of each of your wrists. Before you get dragged away you quickly grab your bag and follow your teammates out of the room.

Ritsuko and Nakamura both continue to pull you down the hallway until you reach the boys' gym. Outside, the three of you peek through a window at the boys still practicing.

"Damn they actually are good," Nakamura says as she intently watches the boys play.

"Good call putting Y/N with them right?" Ritsuko whispers back.

Nakamura nods in agreement. You look down and see the girls' grips still on your wrists, causing your cheeks to heat up a bit.

"Y/N's going to get really good again," Ritsuko giggles excitedly, pulling you out of your thoughts, "and I can't wait!"

You look out at the team and watch them continue working on their drills.

"Which one's the setter?" Nakamura asks you.

You and Ritsuko both look around the gym for Kenma.

"That one there, see look, the one with the two-toned hair," Ritsuko points against the glass.

"Oh yeah I see him, he's kinda short compared to the rest of them. Is he any good?"

Ritsuko and Nakamura look over to you, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah of course he's good," you say in his defense.

The two girls then look at each other and begin laughing louder.

"Y/N do you like their setter?" Ritsuko asks as she bumps your arm.

"Of course not," you say as you roll your eyes, "I only just practiced with him once."

"If you only practiced with him once then how do you know he's good?"

You groan and explain to Ritsuko that the two of you did similar drills the day before where you were able to watch Kenma play. She continued to have her mischievous smirk as you talked, but you did your best to ignore her.

As the three of you move on and look back into the gym, you see Kuroo walk over to Kenma and say something to him, resulting in a nod.

"Ooo Nakamura that's the captain I was telling you about," Ritsu says excitedly.

Ritsuko and Nakamura continue staring at the team while Kuroo and Kenma begin to walk in your direction.

"Hey guys, we should probably-"

You take your gaze away from the window and see your friends are nowhere in sight.

"Go," you groan to yourself.

Just then Kuroo and Kenma appear from the gym and stand before you.

"Y/N?" Kuroo asks confused.

"Uh hey," you respond as you nervously wave to them.

"Kenma and I were just going out to look for you," he smiles.

You look over at Kenma who's looking back at you intently. The moment your eyes catch his, you see them slightly widen.

"What did you need?" you politely ask as you look back to Kuroo.

"To see if you wanted to come practice," he smirks.

You agree and follow the boys into the gym. The three of you join up with Lev, Yaku, and Yamamoto to play a quick 3-on-3 game.

In your game with Lev and Yaku as your teammates, you do your best to keep your sets in proportion with the height differences just like you practiced with Kuroo. At the last point of the game, you prepare to set the ball once more. Instead of sending it to either of the boys, you dump the ball onto the other side of the net. The five other players stand speechless for a moment as they realize what just happened.

"Y/N!" Lev yells as he runs up to you.

Immediately he and Yaku wrap you in a hug. You laugh along at them as the other team continues to stare at you.

"What's wrong Kuroo?" you tease as you look to the other team.

"Y/N was so cool and nobody was expecting that!" Yaku says excitedly.

"It's not like I invented something new," you say awkwardly, "Why are you guys acting like it's such a big deal."

"W-We weren't expecting you to do that," Yamamoto admits.

"That's why I did it," you shrug, passing a quick glance to Kenma who still hasn't taken his eyes off of you.

After the game, you help the boys clean up the gym. Once you're done you walk over to your bag and take out your phone, ready to text Ritsuko and Nakamura to chew them out for leaving you earlier.

As you walk out of the room, staring angrily down at your phone, you trip over something.

"Fucking hell," you yell out, louder than you mean to.

Cursing under your breath, you begin to lift your upper body off the ground and look to see what you've tripped over.

"Kenma?" you mutter to yourself.

Kenma stares back at you, completely stunned that you just cursed him out. You scramble to your feet, apologizing as many times as you can before running straight out of the gym.

Dammit, now I look like a total bitch.

[louiserandom]

MadaTobiIzu- "Whenever you lose an item (like a sock), it ends up in your soulmates’ possession somehow." I think this would be really funny that during the middle of a fight Tobirama sees two things he thought he lost but Madara and Izuna have it. Ficlet length with a G or T rating.

finally found

Rating: T

Summary: Tobirama loses two of his very important possessions, and his world is completely turned upside down when he discovers that they’ve ended up in the hands of the Uchiha brothers.

The battle is put on hold as hilarity ensues.

A/N: Did not expect this OT3 to inspire me so much XD I hope it’s not too much humor. They’re so funny I had to describe every detail of their ridiculousness x)

Hope you enjoy it, Mala!<3

Read on AO3 or under the cut :3

At first glance one might think that, out of the two Senju brothers, Hashirama is the more careless one and therefore prone to losing his things.

It’s easy to think that, considering Tobirama’s usually composed demeanor and Hashirama’s insistence on acting the fool more often than not, but no one is more aware of the utter inaccuracy of that perception than Tobirama himself.

It is his fault, admittedly, that his tendency to get lost in thoughts of scientific experiments and underdeveloped theories has him distracted from real life to the point he loses track of everything his mind deems unimportant. And that ranges from time to little trinkets, books, paperwork, and even weapons, if he finds himself lost in thought during training. It’s a very annoying truth about himself that Tobirama has learned to deal with and has long since stopped caring what his soulmate thinks of him, considering Tobirama loses at least a dozen things a day.

If I even have a soulmate, trickles of doubt gnaw at his mind, echoing the biting words of some of the elder clansmen.

“Of course you do!” Hashirama always assures him in all his sappy, dreamy-eyed glory. “And it’ll be such a beautiful day when you find them, Otouto. I cannot wait!”

Tobirama couldn’t say the same for himself. He’d gleaned enough clues over the years to deduce that his soulmate must be an Uchiha, and the ongoing war spurred on by Butsuma and Tajima’s thirst for vengeance does little to give hope for a happy outcome of events. And despite Hashirama’s adamance regarding his dream of peace, once he and Madara took up leadership of their respective clans, there was too much hate, too much death accumulated during the war for peace to be an immediate possibility.

He keeps his discovery from Hashirama lest he do something reckless or stupid—or both—and does his best to deal as little damage as he can to their enemies. It’s easy to focus on Izuna, whom Tobirama finds to be a titillating challenge. A fierce, formidable opponent whose hate for Tobirama seems to only be overshadowed by Madara’s, what with Tobirama eventually becoming the only real threat to his little brother.

Little brother and soulmate.

A match made in heaven, Tobirama thinks, if only because the Uchiha brothers are both excessively loud and dramatic in equal measure.

And normally, Tobirama wouldn’t be able to stand such behavior, but today he finds himself acting quite like the maddening Uchiha duo because his whole world seems to be crashing down.

“I can’t,” Hashirama whines, “I can’t find it, Otouto.”

He’s buried under heaps of unorganized research notes in Tobirama’s lab, a few upturned cabinets lying beside him, with quite the number of broken vials strewn all over the place.

Tobirama is in much the same predicament, and for once he’s thankful he put away all the containers with radioactive elements away into unbreakable storage scrolls, at least.

His lab is an absolute disaster.

Because apparently, Tobirama is too much of an idiot to keep track of his new favorite weapon for one godsdamned day. Raijin no Ken was a nightmare to locate and tear away from many, many greedy, mostly inhuman hands. How in hell he’s managed to lose it is beyond Tobirama’s understanding.

“Well, it’s your… old favorite weapon now?” Hashirama tries for a joke.

“Anija,” Tobirama growls.

“Don’t be sad! Remember, your soulmate will probably have it.”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. It’s a possibility. One that he’ll hopefully get to test on the battlefield tomorrow. And that reminds him of his latest development—a seal able to manipulate spacetime to achieve instantaneous travel, which should prove quite useful during battle. He embedded it on a special kunai, a treasured gift from Hashirama from years back, and must have put it… somewhere…

“Fuck!” Tobirama shoves away some construct for an experiment in a fit of utter frustration when he fails to find what could have become his second favorite weapon.

“What did you lose this time?”

Tobirama stares guiltily at the ground. “The kunai you gave me when I came of age. One that I imbued with a special seal.” He sighs. “I hate this.”

“It’s going to be okay, Otouto.” Hashirama approaches him tentatively, arms raised in a pacifying gesture. “Remember how I also lost something important once? That permafrost statue of an atom you gave me as a kid? And then I got it back when I met Mito, and it was one of the happiest days of my life!” It’s hard remaining annoyed in the presence of Hashirama’s goofy smile, but Tobirama keeps up the disgruntled façade. “You know, I’ve heard of these organization techniques that might help—”

“If you want to help, Anija, shut up and let me work,” Tobirama snaps, sitting himself down on the one desk still standing with the research notes for the seal still, thankfully, in place. “But thanks,” he adds in a whisper that Hashirama hears, of course, and proceeds to wax poetic about the beauty of brotherly love.

Despite the distraction, Tobirama quickly recreates a Hiraishin anchor with one of his standard kunai, putting it safely into his weapons pouch to keep it close.

Raijin no Ken, on the other hand, is going to have to be exclusively his soulmate’s—for now.

For now turns out to be a little less than a day, because the next morning saw Tobirama facing Izuna. Business as usual, only the Uchiha has replaced his katana for the shiny new toy Tobirama has just lost.

“What,” Tobirama says in lieu of their usual insult contest of a greeting, “the fuck is that.”

Izuna smirks. “Hello to you too, Snowflake. Why don’t you stop cowering and find out?”

Tobirama scowls, absolutely not willing to put up with Izuna’s theatrics, and so attacks with a kunai that his rival easily dodges. It’s immensely satisfying to watch Izuna flail as Tobirama appears right next to him and wrestles him to the ground, knocking Raijin no Ken from Izuna’s hand and pinning his wrists above his head.

“You stole my sword!” Tobirama accuses.

“Did not. And get off me, icicle!” Izuna huffs, indignant and surprisingly not fighting against the hold as much as Tobirama expects him to. “It’s not yours—I found it, and it’s mine.”

“Found it?” Tobirama stares, dumbfounded, and Izuna uses the moment to kick and push at him with renewed vigor (but not much success).

Izuna’s soulmate is his brother, and surely it couldn’t be that—

As if in answer to his protest, Tobirama’s original Hiraishin kunai lands next to where he and Izuna are grappling, and none other than Madara Uchiha appears only to haul Tobirama to his feet and push him away.

“Hands off my brother, Senju,” Madara glowers, gunbai in hand and stance battle-ready.

Tobirama resists the urge to groan.

“That,” he points to the kunai, glaring, “is my seal and my weapon.” Tobirama itches to ask obvious question of how and where Madara had found it, but what comes out instead is, “How did you even figure out how to use it, Uchiha?”

“Yours?” Madara flails, gunbai still in hand, looking as ridiculous as ever. “First of all, fuck you, Senju, I am expert in seal theory. And secondly, I found this, and that means it must be my… our …” His face blanches as he trails off, staring at Tobirama with growing horror in his eyes. “No.”

“Apparently,” Tobirama sighs, “yes.”

“You’re our soulmate?” Izuna’s brain seems to have caught up, finally, and he stands, gaping at Tobirama like he’s seen a bijū.

“You’re their soulmate, Otouto!” Hashirama shouts gleefully from the distance, as if Tobirama’s doom isn’t obvious enough.

The battle seems to have frozen in time, confused Senju and awed-looking Uchiha standing around the scene like it’s a theater play—and it might as well be, because the idiots fate (the bitch) has chosen to tie Tobirama with completely fucking lose it.

“How did we not know he’s our soulmate, nii-san?”

“We knew it was a Senju—”

“Well, you should have accepted those peace offers from the treehead—”

“Excuse me, brat? I wanted to accept them, and you were the one saying we couldn’t trust—”

“Fuck that, I didn’t know we were lucky enough to get beautiful and deadly for a soulmate,” Izuna says, upturning the entirety of what Tobirama had believed to be reality up until this moment. Beautiful? “I thought Snowflake was taken!”

“Now listen here, you reckless dumbass,” Madara growls, the chakra around him getting hotter to match his anger, “no matter how beautiful he is,” he says, pointing his gunbai Tobirama’s way, “he still almost killed you a hundred times—”

“At most a dozen, nii-san, and I almost killed him once!”

“I don’t care!” Madara shrieks, voice getting exponentially louder. “Until we’ve figured out this whole mess, you are going to stop being a suicidal moron and listen to what I say!”

Madara takes a deep breath to, presumably, launch another longer rant, and it’s then that Tobirama decides he’s had enough.

(This is why he’s always thankful his opponent is Izuna. It’s painful watching Hashirama deal with Madara’s shrieky rants every single battle.)

And since no one forbade him from being a suicidal moron, Tobirama decides to do the one thing his brain comes up with to shut up the louder Uchiha and possibly shock him enough to stop the godsdamned screaming.

The kiss comes unexpected to everyone, judging from the collective gasps, and though Madara yelps and stiffens as Tobirama drags him closer by the collar, he doesn’t struggle further.

His gunbai falls, though, and his lips relax against Tobirama’s as he goes slack-jawed, so Tobirama considers his mission successful. His brain tells him the shock of it is enough, that he should pull away, gods damn you, you’re kissing Madara Uchiha.

But two things happen that Tobirama could never have predicted.

One being that kissing Madara was actually a very pleasant experience, and the other… Well.

Madara answers the kiss.

It’s such a ridiculous series of events that’s led Tobirama to this, making out with his once worst enemy in the midst of a battlefield, the rush of blood to his head and his pounding heartbeat drowning out his brother’s indignant protests and whatever Izuna is whining about. It’s exhilarating, the way Madara’s mouth moves against his own, and despite this being Tobirama’s first real kiss, he seamlessly follows Madara’s lead, drinking him in, tasting him, almost letting out a moan as Madara coaxes his lips open to slide his tongue into his mouth.

It’s the first time all semblance of a thought process exits out of Tobirama’s mind, leaving only this perfect moment frozen in time, as the bond between them sings in response to their closeness.

Of course it’s Izuna who pulls them apart—quite forcefully, too—and proceeds to glare at his brother.

“Nii-san, you traitor! I was supposed to be the first one to kiss our soulmate when we met them! Now I,” he announces proudly, “get fuck him first.”

Tobirama blinks. That escalated quickly.

“Mm,” Madara argues, his voice blessedly quieter and face tinged with what looks to be a light blush, as he keeps staring at Tobirama with a slightly dreamy expression. “Uh. No. Mine.”

“No,” Izuna growls, hand grasping Tobirama’s fur collar protectively, “mine, you greedy bastard.”

“My baby brother,” Hashirama sobs, rid of his prior glee and suffering a mental breakdown a few feet away, “my innocent baby brother…” And that’s definitely the sound of Tōka’s cackling Tobirama can hear in the distance.

He blinks some more, breathing deep and slow, trying to regain at least some of his thinking capacity.

“Sorry,” Tobirama says to Madara, his brain only catching up enough to provide a poor excuse for the earlier kiss. “I, uh, didn’t mean to do that. So suddenly.”

“No. I liked.” Madara frowns. And that’s definitely a blush deepening on his cheeks. “Sentences. Hard.”

“YOU’RE GETTING HARD?”

“Shut the fuck up, treehead,” Izuna says, hurling Madara’s discarded gunbai at Hashirama for good measure. “He’s ours now!” He turns back to Tobirama. “What you mean to do now, Snowflake, is use this clever seal of yours and take us somewhere private. Can you do that for us?”

Tobirama blinks some more, finding himself suddenly unable to argue in face of Izuna’s devious smile. “Oh. Yeah, I can do that.”

(There’s the added annoyance of someone from the crowd asking about nuptials, which makes Tobirama crave to get the fuck out of here.)

He reaches for the Hiraishin seal he’d placed in a faraway clearing, with enough distance from both their compounds that neither their clanmates, nor Hashirama’s irrational overprotectiveness will be able to reach them. Tobirama wants to explain as much but is interrupted by a very enthusiastic Izuna ravishing his mouth. Firm, messy, biting, so unlike his earlier kiss with Madara but riveting in its own way. Tobirama can’t quite hold back the whimper that escapes the moment the last part of their bond cements itself.

“Now that,” Izuna purrs, drawing away, “was a proper greeting.”

Tobirama breathes out a laugh. “Couldn’t agree more.”

Because for the first time, nested between the playful crackle of his former rival’s chakra and the raging flame that is Madara embracing him from behind, Tobirama feels like he’s finally found home.

[tuliharja]

Oh, the otp asks are so interesting! Would you consider for HashiMito answering the following: 3, 9, 12, 21 and 24? I hope it's not too much, but with canonical, and so politically-involved couple those are super interesting.

Thank you so much from the ask @olliya!

Yes, I agree to you! OTP asks are always so interesting~. And I don’t mind at all, since HashiMito is one of my otps, so I was really happy to receive this ask from you! Not to mention the fact you picked very interesting ones. Thank you again from the ask. ^^

(The asks can be found from here.)

Alright, let’s put those shipping goggles on! *Cue for a very long post.*

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

Hashirama would probably try to write sonata to Mito and once he would realize it’s much harder than it seems, he would end up asking Tobirama to help. With the help of Tobirama, Hashirama would make most brilliant sonata ever, but once he would present it to Mito…she would be left highly unimpressed.

 “Hashirama, did you perhaps ask help from Tobirama?” Mito questioned from her husband, before she sighed. There wasn’t any reason to ask that question when she already knew the answer, yet watching her husband turn into a spluttering mess brought her some sort of amusement. Deciding to be merciful, Mito gently cupped Hashirama’s cheeks, giving him kiss to his forehead. “Hashirama, you don’t have to make me sonatas, poets, or anything that would be too elaborate. As long as it becomes from your heart, I don’t mind even if your compliments would be extremely tacky.”

She watched how her husband slowly turned into a sobbing mess, gently brushing his hair as she merely allowed him to relax in her arms.

After that incident, Hashirama would gift Mito flowers. Being the expert, anything related to plants, he would know each and every flower and those meaning. He probably wouldn’t be best with actual words, but each bouquet would hail Mito’s beauty, kindness, power and how lucky he was when Mito did choose him.

Mito would had mastered the use of words, because she would know how valuable the talent of speaking would be. She could make even most praising comment sound like most wicked insult ever. That’s why, she would rarely compliment Hashirama as she knew her husband already received lots of compliments as he wasn’t any ordinary man. Repeating those same compliments would sound just hollow, empty and she didn’t want that. She would also know repeated words would turn meaningless, so she would rarely use endearing words about Hashirama.

To everybody else she would seem cold as ice, but in those rare moments when she would compliment Hashirama, he would take those into his heart and cherish those. Such occasions would be when Hashirama would manage to genuinely surprise her, show genuine understanding about her feelings and hopes, and take into consideration her wishes. But the most cherished moment would be when Mito would finally admit to Hashirama she was pregnant, while she was a Jinchuuriki. Hashirama would reassure her he wouldn’t leave her and make his best to ensure both she and the child would be safe. After she would calm down, she would spill her heart to Hashirama, telling how blessed she was to have such wonderful husband that would still stand next to her even when she was carrying Tailed-Beast. She would hail his strength, kindness, understanding and way too big heart. Later on, that night they both would compliment each other’s bodies in very sensual manner. ;)

 9. Have they made each other cry?

Yes, since what would marriage be without any tears? There have been happy tears, but also sad ones. Happier tears have been in happy occasions, such as when they got married, when their first child did bear and when Mito would tickle the hell out of Hashirama. Who said Mito couldn’t be mischievous when she would want to? They’ve also been crying tears of joy when they got their second born (because it’s kind of their own fault they got a child, now isn’t it? xD)

There has also been tears, when Hashirama has tried to cheer up Mito when she has had extremely bad day when dealing Nine Tails just to see her wife happy. But there has also been tears of sadness as at times Hashirama’s gambling problems would be too much for the stressed-out Mito. She would hide her tears, but Hashirama would know. He would eventually weed out his gambling problem, when they were at the risk of losing their home and the tear-streaked look Mito gave? Yeah, absolute broke Hashirama’s heart. There would also been tears when each of them would get so badly wounded, they would be at the brink of death. One of such was after Mito sealed Kyuubi inside of her. Hashirama was sure Mito would perish as it seemed holding down the beast was too much for her. Hashirama’s eventual death also made Mito cry as she felt like her whole world collapsed at that exact moment, but such is life: many different types of causes which can make one cry.

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

Many people think they would have, but in reality, they don’t have expect in minor businesses. The political field can be extremely messy, especially when considering the fact Hashirama was doing something (building first ninja village) that hadn’t ever been done before.

Before Mito married Hashirama, she understood right to way for things to work she had to do some groundbreaking thinking. She knew if she married Hashirama, she wouldn’t just switch her Uzumaki family to Senju family, like in old times. No, what Hashirama was offering was that, she could still be Uzumaki and Senju. In old times, when one was wed to some more powerful clan, you had automatically become part of that clan. You had to basically throw everything that you had been before, expect your ninja talents. While you could gain a new and possible better family, there was always that fear if your spouse would die. If your spouse would die, you would automatically become an outcast. Just fodder to be used in next fight against some other clan, unless you would marry someone else or become a concubine. The option to go back to your old home wasn’t anymore an option, since you had quite literally been kicked out from there. Of course, some bigger clans treated this possibility much ‘nicer’, but the fact was, your position would still be bad compared to anyone who had born in the clan.

Now this Hashirama was offering something else. A village where you wouldn’t be an outcast, should such a thing occur. Hashirama painted all pretty pictures how they all would be one ‘big happy family’. Of course, Mito knew such thing would take time. But the possibility was tempting and since Mito didn’t want to forget her roots even if she would marry someone, she agreed upon this. She even went so far as convince Uzumaki clan to make their own village, Uzushiogakure, as the Uzumaki clan wasn’t yet ready to be part of some other village. In that way, Mito could keep one leg in her home and one in her new one. It also served as a way to ensure she wouldn’t be treated poorly in her new home, since at times when one would be married to some other clan, the new clan could treat the new spouse extremely badly. Of course, she didn’t have to worry about that (given the fact Hashirama was Hokage).

As time went on, Mito started to see better Hashirama’s views. She liked quite many of those as if those all would become true, there wouldn’t be anymore war, everybody would be treated equally and the children would be taken care of by everybody, even if their parents would die. Of course, she disagreed upon some things her husband suggested, such as sharing Tailed-Beasts between each newly formed village, but to make things work she understood everybody should have equal power at the palm of their hand. She also disagreed when some clans that joined Konoha would get some privileges such as Hyuugas, but since they were newly formed village that was striving for something new, even she understood some sort of bait was needed to get them join them. Things like these made disagreements between her and Hashirama as at times she felt like Hashirama didn’t care or see wrongness that he tried so much to weed out. Times like those, she felt like the village mattered more to her husband than anything else… in those darker times, she would deliver some cold facts to her husband that would make him despair over some of his choices. In those times, Mito would see the man behind the God of Shinobi whom she would comfort as she knew for things to work, they had to stand united together or watch the world burn.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

Hashirama believes his actions toward Madara did drive Mito to seal Nine Tails inside of her which basically did change her in more ways than anyone could had at first believed. While that was true, what Hashirama had hard time to grasp was the fact Mito did it willingly. Hashirama felt incredible guilt about that, because that event made Mito more prone to display her negative emotions. While that might sound like a good thing, because before that Mito tended to hide her negative emotions, it wasn’t at all fun and games when Nine Tails’ negative chakra was leaking out of Mito and she was trashing Hashirama around their house like a ragdoll. In those moments when Mito was very upset or angry, she reminded more a wild animal more than a person.

At first it was very hard, since Hashirama quickly learned Mito had tons of pent-up anger in her. His paperwork being late? Angry kyuubi-Mito. Him forgetting the dishes? Angry kyuubi-Mito. For a while it felt like there were two people inside of Mito, which was true. It took lots of patience, motivational talking and reassurance from Hashirama to make Mito understand not to hide her ire, no matter how small it would be. Eventually Hashirama managed to make Mito embrace her more ‘negative’ self that actually improved their relationship greatly. It also helped Hashirama to understand Mito better.

While Hashirama was already a stunning leader even before Konoha was founded, he was extremely poor what came to social skills. He could give motivational speeches to anyone, but if he had to make deals, small talk, simply listen or anything that would need any kind of ‘fine’ talk, he would more than often ask Tobirama’s help. Yet that behavior wouldn’t anymore cut when he become Hokage. He couldn’t anymore push Tobirama to deal with the stuffy, boring affairs and go train with their students. Which is where Mito stepped in. She put Hashirama through a mini hell to drive into his thick skull at least the bare minimum of social skills. It opened a whole new world to Hashirama. While before his overbearing personality had made some people feel uneasy and even that, he didn’t realize they might actually have brilliant ideas, he would now calm down and listen them. His relationship even with Tobirama did improve, because now he would listen his little brother giving him a speech of his latest invention, that actually made Hashirama understand Tobirama and him weren’t that different. They both were passionate people, yet because he barely before did stop to listen his brother’s ‘odd ideas’ he never knew.

While Mito’s social skills course did bring lot of good things out of Hashirama, it also brought his darker side. Hashirama could now use his ‘happy-go-lucky’ character at times as a façade to gather information and later on use it against Konoha’s enemies as most of his opponents only saw a fool front of them. But Mito teaching how to wear a mask in important meeting? Hashirama was eternally grateful to his wife about that.

 24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

When Mito married Hashirama she vowed to herself she would protect Hashirama, no matter what. But to do so, she had to do it while remaining hidden. She would protect Hashirama from the shadows, even going so far as kill someone if they threatened her husband. She would even create secret service, ANBU, just to protect her husband. They were an organization that worked in the shadows, that no-one knew, especially Hashirama. Expect, Hashirama did knew. He knew exactly what his wife was up to, yet he never addressed it as he waited Mito tell him about it. When years went by and Mito still didn’t tell him, Hashirama started to feel uneasy. He would drop intentionally questions or make scenarios that could make a perfect opportunity for Mito to tell about her role in ANBU and the organization itself. But she never did. It started to eat Hashirama in and out. While he knew Mito had her best intentions toward him, it still made Hashirama feel like unworthy of the truth. Didn’t Mito trust him? Did she think he was still that fool that she had met those years ago? Hashirama wanted to trust Mito, but he didn’t want to confront her. It wouldn’t had been same as if she would tell herself the truth.

To numb the pain Hashirama turned into drinking and gambling. With a good buzz he could make his doubts away as it would leave his core thoughts: that which were love. Gambling also brought a thrill to him that he hadn’t felt ever since he had become a Hokage. Maybe Mito wanted simply feel thrill? The adrenaline that would pump to his veins when he would bet everything to win or lose was just exhilarating. Though each time when he would lose and face upset Mito, he would feel a sting of guilt just to remember his wife’s secret. So, another night with gambling it was! Hashirama’s actions were slowly spiraling out of control and he only came into a rude awakening of reality when he faced tear-streaked Mito. She told him they were about to lose their house and everything, if he wouldn’t just stop. It was that moment the two realized they had to change, or they would lose them. Mito was stressed over the fact she tried to keep Hashirama safe, but it was harder than she had first believed, while Hashirama had tried to escape his problems with drinking and gambling. This event was one of those turning points with them as they slowly started to unravel those all. Eventually Mito told Hashirama the truth which lead into his own confession, making both of them to forgive each other and slowly strengthen once again their strained relationship. But even though they had managed to tackle this particular obstacle on their married path, there was still one big obstacle that had been slowly marinating.

While Mito understood in some level Hashirama’s deep friendship with Madara, at times it was extremely hard. In most situations like these, one would pick in a heartbeat their partner. But in Hashirama’s case, it wasn’t ever that simple. While Mito trusted Hashirama, it still made her at times doubt herself and her position as his wife. When she tried to talk about her doubts, most people would dismiss her and tell her how lucky she was. She was married to “God of Shinobi”, so why she was complaining? Wasn’t it beautiful her husband was friends with his childhood friend who had been Senjus mortal enemy? It made Mito hide her doubts and concerns as she all but turned eventually a blind eye her feelings. The worst part was that, Madara was actually nice toward her. But it all came crashing down when she sealed Kyuubi and she realized hiding her negative feelings wasn’t anymore that easy. Her all doubts came flying out of the box that had been hidden deep within her heart. She knew she had to learn to forgive her foolish husband his past ignorance and be more straightforward with Hashirama as Hashirama could be at times very dense. She eventually did forgive Hashirama when he showed her, she was extremely important to him and being friends with Madara didn’t take out or lessen his love toward her.

[crying-gay-tears]

Brighter Than the Sun (3/?)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

ao3

A thunderstorm and existential thoughts keep the boys awake. 

Chapter 3: Questioning

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gon tossed in bed as a clap of thunder echoed in the air outside his dorm. It hadn’t woken him up--he hadn’t actually fallen asleep yet--but it was enough to shake the window in its frame. A few seconds later and his room was illuminated by a flash as lightning ripped across the sky. He counted in his head ‘1, 2, 3, 4, 5’... another thunderclap, another flash. Huh, so the storm was about a mile away then. He knew this was coming, the signs had been showing the last few days. Birds were flying low yesterday and there was a ring around the moon that night. He could smell it in the air as well. He was grateful it waited until Friday night to finally hit. It meant he could have a nice rainy Saturday indoors with no classes to interrupt. Another crack of thunder and lightning, and the rain finally started. He settled on his back and listened to the heavy pitter patter against the roof.

The room was dark aside from the dim blue light of the street lamp outside the window. It illuminated the rain flowing down the glass, casting fluid shadows that danced across the floor. He laid awake watching them, mind wandering.Usually when it stormed, it brought him a sense of calm and peace. On nights like these he slept like a rock; but for some reason, tonight he couldn’t seem to sleep at all. Maybe it was because this was his first stormy night spent away from Whale Island. He had definitely been feeling the differences that living in a city made in his daily life. Maybe he was a little homesick, and maybe the storm was just making that feeling grow.

He glanced up at the desk across the room. The bright red digits of his alarm clock glared back at him, letting him know it was well past 1am. Just as he moved to bury his face in his pillow, he heard a thud followed by some rustling on the other side of his bedroom door. Eager for a distraction from his own restlessness, he kicked his blanket aside and snuck out to the common room. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but Killua on the floor scrambling to scoop chips back into a bowl was not it.

~~~~~~~~

After about two hours of tossing and turning in bed, Killua found himself in the common room, rolled up in a blanket on the couch with a bowl of cheese puffs and a baking show playing on the tv.

He was having trouble sleeping, which wasn’t really new, per se, but the thoughts running through his mind and keeping him from sleep certainly were. Earlier that day was the first meeting for the GSA, and Gon convinced him to go. Not that it took too much effort, Killua had been curious about it weeks ago when Gon first mentioned it.

The meeting was a little over an hour long, and Killua was on edge for most of that hour. There were a bunch of people there, all of them seemed nice enough, but it was still a bit overwhelming. He wasn’t even sure if he should be there in the first place.

They all introduced themselves with their name, pronouns, and sexuality if they were comfortable sharing. Killua waited with baited breath until it was his turn, then he quickly declared “Killua, he/him” and turned to Gon to pass the spotlight, who was carefree and confident when he spoke. ”I’m Gon! I didn’t really know what pronouns were before now, but mine are he/him! And I don’t know what to say about my sexualty, I’m here to hopefully figure it out!”

Killua was amazed the whole time at how easily Gon fit into the group, like they’d all been friends for years. He was starting to learn that that’s just how Gon was. He was comfortable with everyone he met and he navigated life with a confidence that stemmed from his own optimism.

Killua spent most of the time quietly observing. The group leaders talked about what it felt like for them when they realized they were queer. A few told their coming out stories, some of acceptance and some of isolation. They talked about the spectrum of sexuality and what each letter in the acronym was. Killua, who had entered the meeting assuming he was just going to be an ally, left that afternoon with the burning letter Q in his mind.

Questioning. Something about that word felt so comfortable to him. It felt like a word he could sit with for a while. Under the umbrella of questioning, he had the space to think about all the new perspectives he received during the meeting.

He assumed he was just an ally, but when he heard about all the things you could be besides straight… Ally didn’t feel like it really fit. And that was because straight definitely didn't feel like fit him anymore. To be honest, looking back, he wasn’t sure if it ever really fit him in the first place. But straight was what he always was, wasn’t it? It was never really something that got talked about directly, but it was always assumed. He’d only ever been asked about girlfriends, or girl crushes growing up. He’d been called a lady’s man by his parents’ friends, and he was always told he’d make a nice young lady very happy one day. It started to feel like being straight was kind of...expected of him? He never realized there was any other way to be.

But as overwhelmed as he was with the suffocating straightness, he was equally overwhelmed by the world of queerness that he had no experience with.

Straight didn’t feel right--and that was scary in and of itself--but he also wasn’t ready to declare himself as gay or bi or pan or any of the other letters. He just… wasn’t sure yet. So he was Questioning.

And boy was he questioning.

Everything.

What did this mean? Would he have to come out to his family if he decided he was gay? Or bi? Should he tell them now that he was questioning? Or wait until he figured it out 100%? When would that happen?

He couldn’t imagine his family being too cool about it, not that they were cool about much to begin with. When did he start caring about what they think anyways? He’d gotten piercings, dyed and cut his hair, snuck out, and done pretty much anything to piss them off and free himself just a little bit. If being gay pissed them off, he shouldn’t care! But would he? Wait, when did he decide he was gay? He wasn’t! Was he?

His phone buzzing on the couch next to him snapped him out of his thoughts, and he jerked in surprise, sending his snack flying. He hissed as the bowl clattered onto the floor, spilling cheese puffs everywhere.

He was on his knees scooping them back into the bowl frantically with his hands when he heard a door creak open. Before he could react, Gon was standing over him, a strange smile on his face.

“Want some help?”

“Oh, no thanks I’ve got it.” He threw the last puff back into the bowl and dumped them all into the trash. “Sorry if the bowl dropping woke you up.”

“It’s okay, it didn’t wake me up, I couldn’t sleep anyways.”

“Did the storm scare you or something?”

“No, ” his brow was furrowed and his lips formed a small pout. “I usually sleep like well on stormy nights. I don’t know why I’m so awake right now. I was thinking maybe I’m homesick.”

“Ah” Killua flopped onto the couch, pouring more chips into the bowl.

“Is that why you’re awake? The storm scared you?”

He scoffed. “No, I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Can I join you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure”

He made room on the couch and Gon sat down next to him. When he started tugging at the blanket, Killua just stared in confusion. He kept tugging until, finally understanding, Killua pulled the blanket off of himself and spread it over the both of them. Gon scooted in closer and let out a contented sigh. Their arms and thighs were touching, and Killua was doing his best to remain calm. Were they supposed to be sitting this close? Gon was always kinda touchy feely, and Killua had never really had friends like this before, was this just what friends did? They were watching tv, that was normal. Was he just overthinking?

“So, what’s on your mind, Killua?”

He almost jumped out of his skin. “I..uh, what?”

“You said you had a lot on your mind, and if it was keeping you from sleep I thought you might wanna talk about it.”

“Oh, no... I’m okay, just thinking about school stuff, yknow, homework and whatever.”

Gon just chuckled in response.

“What’s so funny?” he huffed.

“Nothing, it’s just that you’re a terrible liar.”

Killua’s mouth fell open in surprise.

“I am not! I-”

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about whatever is bothering you.” He reached for another cheesepuff from the bowl in Killua’s lap. “It’s also okay if you’re scared of storms.” He smiled as he pushed the chip into his mouth.

“I’m not scared, Gon. Just couldn’t sleep. Seriously.”

“Okay, Killu, whatever you say. You know, storms used to scare me when I was younger. Mito-san always calmed me down with herbal tea and sometimes she’d sing to me. Did your parents ever do anything to help soothe you on stormy nights?”

“Well, no, not really. Not that storms ever scared me,” he side-eyed Gon, “but they’re not really the comforting type anyway so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“Oh?” Gon’s eyes were wide, not with judgement, but with genuine curiosity. “What are your parents like then? Tell me about them.”

Killua sighed. ”They weren’t really around much. Though I don’t think it’s because their jobs are super cool.“ Gon laughed and he pressed on.

“My dad is a criminal defense lawyer, just like his dad before him and his dad before him. My mom’s a criminal psychologist, so they make a great team. They both went to fancy colleges and come from rich families. All they really care about is maintaining social standing and images, and the family name, and of course money. They throw a lot of parties and dinners for clients and their colleagues, so I spent a ton of my life, including most holidays, stuffed into a stiff penguin suit with a fake smile speaking only when spoken to and never about what was actually on my mind.”

Gon frowned, his eyes were intense and urged him to continue.

“They’re only ever involved with my life when they’re trying to control it. I had to fight with them for months to let me go to a college so far from home. They wanted me to go to my father’s alma mater and get a law degree and eventually run the firm with my older brother,” he rolled his eyes. “But they’ve never once asked me what I want to do, or how I want to live.”

“What do you want to do?”

Killua blinked in surprise. “I, uh… well, I’m not really sure yet,” he dropped his head, staring at the bowl in his lap, “I really don’t know. But I want the freedom to figure it out for myself. Without their pressure or judgement.”

“That’s more than fair. You’re your own person, you should be able to make your own decisions!” Gon’s brow was furrowed, his mouth set in a tight line, clearly upset with what he’d just heard. Killua couldn’t help but smile; it was nice to have someone on his side for once.

“How did you get them to let you come here?”

“I told them if they didn’t let me pick where I went, I wouldn’t go at all.” A devious smile spread on his face at the memory of his mother crying and father standing stone faced with his arm crossed as he held up his acceptance letter.

Gon giggled. “What a power move! Were you being serious? Or bluffing?”

“Well, I just kinda went for it during an argument with them and then stuck to my guns when they pushed it further. I hadn’t really thought about whether or not they would actually agree to my terms. If they’d said no I guess I would’ve taken a year off or something to piss them off, and see if that changed their mind. Luckily, they went with it, and they’ve been pretty quiet since I left. I imagine when semester grades start coming out they’ll be calling. They’ll probably also be on my ass when they find out I haven’t declared a law major yet. Or any major for that matter.”

“You should take all the time you need! It’s okay to not have everything figured out just yet.”

Killua looked at Gon for a moment. His amber eyes were burning into him, full of care and concern. Killua felt so seen and it was...really nice, actually. His heartbeat speeding up was kind of annoying, though.

“Yeah, thanks. Hopefully I figure something out soon though, I think it’ll be easier to tell them I’m not pursuing law if I actually have an alternative to present them with.”

“That makes sense. I still think you should be able to take all the time you need to decide. It’s only fair.”

Killua swallowed nervously around the lump in his throat. Those words held so much weight. He certainly had a lot to think about and decide for himself, and not just what his major would be. Time sounded like exactly what he needed. “Thanks Gon.”

“Of course Killua! I’m your friend, and I support you, even if your parents don’t.” He smiled at Killua and then looked away, his face suddenly falling. “You know, it’s funny, you came to college to make your own life away from your parents, and I came to college to get closer to my dad and to shape my life to be like his. Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It hurt that he wasn't around and I guess that's why I want to follow in his footsteps. I just...I want it to be so great that I understand why it was worth leaving me.”

Killua had no idea what to say, but before he could figure it out, Gon was speaking again, his expression back to normal.

“You mentioned your brother, what’s he like? Is he supportive? Is he happy following in your father’s footsteps?”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Illumi does whatever he’s told, and he doesn’t complain. They like to bring him up a lot when I’m going against their wishes. He’s their perfect son, and life would be easier for all of us if I were more like him. He doesn’t support me or whatever, but to be fair, I don’t talk to him much, so he doesn’t really get the chance to anyway.”

“Is he your only sibling?”

“No, there’s actually five of us. Illumi, Milluki, Me, Kalluto, and Alluka.”

“Wow, that’s so many! I’m an only child, I always wanted siblings growing up.”

“Heh, that’s funny, growing up I always wanted to be an only child.” He laughed, Gon did too, though he looked a bit concerned.

“Alluka is really the only one I can talk to and spend time with.She still listens to mom and dad, she’s younger than me and still under their thumb, but she’s smart and down to earth. She sees through their bullshit and doesn’t buy into the life they push on us. Kalluto is up mom’s ass, and Illumi is up dad’s, and Milluki only cares about their money and his stupid tech start up. So it’s nice to not be alone against them, she always looks out for me, and I do the same for her.”

“I’m glad you have each other! I hate the thought of you all alone against your whole family. Even though I’m sure you could handle it, it’s nice to have someone on your side.”

Killua’s heart flipped in his chest. Ugh, why does that keep happening?

“Yeah, I’m glad we have each other too. I worry about her now that I’m so far away though. I know she can handle herself, but my parents are the worst, and I was always the buffer.”

Gon looked...angry? But he didn’t say anything immediately. He seemed to be mulling things over. “I don’t mean any offense, but your parents sound really mean.”

“I mean, they’re not nice by any stretch, but they don’t hit us or anything. Controlling and judgemental for sure, but it’s mostly cold indifference.”

Gon paused, turning his head to look directly into his eyes. Killua gulped.

“Just because your family didn’t give you much attention or show you kindness and affection, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve those things!” he emphasized his point by squeezing Killua’s hand under the blanket.

Killua’s cheeks were suddenly on fire, no doubt turning bright pink, and he was grateful the only light in the room was from the tv.

“Thanks, Gon.”

He didn’t have the nerve to squeeze back, he also didn’t quite expect the twinge of disappointment he felt when Gon let go of his hand.

After that, they fell into a comfortable silence, the storm was still raging on outside, the bowl of cheese puffs now laid discarded on the floor, and the baking show they’d been watching was entering the semi final. Gon let out a long yawn, stretching his limbs and leaning into Killua’s side.

His proximity fried his brain. He was trying his best to relax, but he felt stiff from head to toe with anxiety. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Gon close to him, it was just so new. When he felt Gon’s head fall onto his shoulder and rest there, he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was suddenly aware of his breathing and every move he made. He didn’t want to move or do anything to disturb Gon, so he decided the best course of action was to just relax. He focused on calming his breathing, and after a while his heartbeat was a little less frantic, and his body a little less tense.

He wasn’t used to this. Not just the cuddling, but the soft touches on his arm when they spoke sometimes, the hand on his shoulder when Gon was laughing extra hard, or the high fives and sometimes hugs when Gon was excited... It all felt so foreign. But still, as strange as it was to him, he couldn’t help but lean into it. Gon’s gravitational pull was seemingly inescapable.

In this moment, with Gon laying against him, head on his shoulder, it actually felt kind of... nice to be close to someone. He was warm and cozy as their body heat mingled under the blanket, and Gon was soft and solid against him. It was comforting in a way he’d never experienced, and couldn’t quite describe. When he actually let himself enjoy the affection instead of overthinking it, it felt pretty amazing. Without even realizing, he slowly began to let his guard down.

With Gon next to him he was actually distracted from his anxiety thoughts long enough for sleep to creep it’s way in. He felt so secure and comfortable, and it made him a little angry that he was falling asleep, he didn’t want this moment to end. When his eyelids started to feel heavy he knew he couldn’t fight it anymore.

He whispered, “Gon, I’m getting pretty tired, I think I’m gonna head to bed.”

No response.

He tried a little louder this time, “Gon?”

Nothing.

He slowly craned his neck to the side and saw that Gon’s face was slack, and his eyes were closed. He was asleep. His first thought was to gently wake him up so they could head their separate ways and go to bed. But when he tried to move, he just didn’t have it in him. His second thought was that maybe it would be okay to just let himself fall asleep. To let himself fall into the warmth and comfort of the moment, and to let his head gently rest against Gon’s as he drifted to sleep. And so he did.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 6/8/20

Ace of the Diamond, Vol. 26 | By Yuji Terajima | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – The fall season has begun! Furuya is wearing the ace number and dominates the first game, much to Eijun’s distress, since he’s still suffering from “the yips” after striking a batter with an inside pitch. Thankfully, Miyuki and Coach Kataoka arrange for Chris to drop by and teach Eijun a new trick, which seems to help get him out of his doldrums. Meanwhile, Furuya’s performance begins to deteriorate, rumors about Coach Kataoka’s imminent departure begin to circulate, and the guy who’s been observing them (but who is probably Kataoka’s replacement) plans to focus solely on cultivating Furuya the ace and objects to how much time and effort Kataoka devotes to the other players. I mean, I can only assume that this guy is going to get sent packing at some point, but I definitely appreciate that Terajima-sensei is able to make me this anxious about his presence. Perennially recommended. – Michelle Smith

A Certain Scientific Railgun: Astral Buddy, Vol. 3 | By Kazuma Kamachi, Yasuhito Nogi, and Kiyotaka Haimura | Seven Seas – The first half of this volume is a giant flashback, and you know those are always bad in the Indexverse. Expect dead kids, dead adults, and a whooooooole lot of evil science. Unfortunately, there’s also a lot here that relies on the reader knowing one of the antagonists is from New Testament Vol. 11… which we have not seen in English, and might never see. Too much continuity. Junko continues to be laughably retroactively strong, going toe to toe with a level 5 here. And there’s the bond between her and Misaki, which may be “master and servant” but is also a close friendship (and yuri tease, as Misaki herself demonstrates). Railgun fans will like this. – Sean Gaffney

The Girl from the Other Side: Siúil, a Rún, Vol. 8 | By Nagabe | Seven Seas – The eighth volume of The Girl from the Other Side is unbearably sad—so much so that I struggled to finish it, as watching Shiva come to terms with losing Teacher is a shattering experience. Compounding my sense of anguish were the final chapters, in which we learn why the Inside world was so desperately interested in Shiva. The parallels between her situation and our current health crisis are impossible to ignore, reminding us about the human cost of capitulating to fear, ignorance, and superstition in the face of a pandemic. In a less fraught moment, I’d be inclined to recommend The Girl from the Other Side for the lessons it imparts, but I think it’s OK to decide that Nagabe’s allegory is a little too on-the-nose to offer insight or comfort right now. – Katherine Dacey

Go with the Clouds, North-by-Northwest, Vol. 3 | By Aki Irie | Vertical Comics – After two messy but interesting volumes that see-sawed between mystery and travelogue, Go with the Clouds, North-by-Northwest finds its groove in volume three. Michitaka—who disappeared from the previous volume—takes center stage in the latest installment, as Kei inadvertently stumbles across some important clues about what happened to his aunt and uncle back in Japan. Though Kei’s discovery propels the story in a new and unexpected direction, the latest plot twists feel earned; the sometimes awkward shifts in tone and genre that characterized the first two volumes are smoothed over by new revelations about Michitaka, and a new sense of urgency about solving the trail of gruesome deaths he’s left behind. The result is a compelling story that has the trappings of a Scandinavian crime show but the soul of an X-Files episode. Recommended. – Katherine Dacey

Kakushigoto: My Dad’s Secret Ambition, Vol. 3 | By Kouji Kumeta | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Whereas Zetsubou-sensei made a point to seemingly attack everything in the world for leaving the author (and, by extension, Nozomu) in despair, Kakushigoto is zeroing in on the manga profession in particular. Here we get mysteries answered, such as why are the pages of weekly magazines colored differently, who determines the order the stories go in, and what is the exact nature of a deadline? We don’t get real answers for any of these, as it turns out things are very fluid. As for Hime, she’s still cute, and still investigating things with her not-Zetsubou girls mystery club. And there’s still that flashforward threatening us with the death of Hime’s father. Will the series get that dark? – Sean Gaffney

The Misfit of Demon King Academy: History’s Strongest Demon King Reincarnates and Goes to School with His Descendants, Vol. 1 | By Shu, Kayaharuka, and Yoshinori Shizuma | Square Enix – This isn’t my usual fare, but I hoped it would help with my Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun withdrawal. And it actually did! Anoth Voldigord was the all-powerful demon king, but sacrificed himself to end a perpetual war with humanity, pledging to reincarnate in 2000 years. When he does so, he’s invited to a school attendend by his many descendants but nobody believes he’s who he says he is because his magic is too vast to be measured and all of the facts about his reign have been distorted or forgotten over time. Anoth isn’t too likable at first, but the fact that his smug announcements of superiority garner no reaction, his jokes fall flat, and he must deal with a pair of doting and dimwitted human parents all help to humble him a bit. I guess it sometimes pays to venture out of your comfort zone! – Michelle Smith

My Senpai Is Annoying, Vol. 1 | By Shiromanta | Seven Seas – Thankfully, the senpai is not annoying in the way that I feared—this is all on her. Futaba is a new OL at a company who is so short she looks about twelve years old. She also has a near-terminal case of tsundere. This mostly comes out when around Harumi, her senpai at the company, who is huge, nice, helps her with her work and occasionally lightly teases her, and she is absolutely not ready to deal with it. This manga has one joke—Futaba is embarrassed and gets mad to hide it—and if you like that joke, it can be fun. It’s also based on a webcomic, with most “chapters” being about two pages. Towards the end, there’s longer original content, and that works much better. Recommended for those who like 4-komas and tsunderes. – Sean Gaffney

New Game!, Vol. 9 | By Shotaro Tokuno | Seven Seas – You got the sense that Kou wasn’t going to stay in France forever, and sure enough, she’s back by the end of this volume. There’s some nice stories here about not-quite-rivalries between her and Aoba’s friend Hotaru, and of course the inevitable yuri tease between Kou and Rin, which will never rise above a certain level but that level is pretty damn high. Other than that, a big part of this volume features the danger of farming out parts of your game to outside companies to complete, as they’re harder to control and can easily affect quality in ways that need to be fixed somehow. We also see Aoba continue to grow into her role as a real adult, even as she continues to never quite take the starring role. Cute. – Sean Gaffney

Primitive Boyfriend, Vol. 1 | By Yoshineko Kitafuku | Seven Seas – Kamigome Mito is popular with the boys at her school but feels nothing for any of them, finding them all insufficiently manly. Mito is lamenting her circumstances while working on the family farm, when she suddenly receives a visit from Spica, Goddess of the Harvest. Mito’s hard work has not gone unnoticed and as a reward, Spica sends her back in time 2.5 million years to meet her soulmate, a member of the species Australopithecus Garhi. He takes care of Mito, she falls for him, and when she’s sent home just as his life is in peril, she’s desperate to return. It’s pretty fun, I guess, if you don’t let yourself get bogged down in the realities of how their relationship will never work. Thankfully, it’s also only three volumes long. It’s short, it’s unique, and thus I will keep reading to see how it all plays out. – Michelle Smith

Species Domain, Vol. 8 | By Noro Shunsuke | Seven Seas – The series has now reached the Culture Festival, and seems like it might slowly be gliding to an ending, which in a series like this means pairing up more people. The “joke” confession that wasn’t in the last volume gets revisited here, with much embarrassment all around. Kazamori’s desperation for other girls to be attracted to Ohki may end up getting her in trouble down the road. Mikasagi explains why he isn’t ready to commit to anything, etc. There’s also an extended bathhouse scene, for those who like fanservice, which includes discussion about where Mizuno should be, on the men’s or women’s side. Again, I appreciate the care they’re taking with this character. Fun. – Sean Gaffney

The Way of the Househusband, Vol. 3 | By Kousuke Oono | Viz Media -As I have said in previous reviews, you read this series for its one gag, and should not expect more than that one gag done extremely well. Beyond that, here we see that our househusband is not the only former yakuza trying to make a living doing mundane everyday things, and that it’s much easier to change what you do than how you act. We also see why he’s such a good husband, manipulating things a bit so that his wife can meet some live action Pretty Cure actors (or rather the non-copyright violating Pretty Cure knockoff). That said, I think it’s Santa’s appearance that is absolutely the highlight of the volume, along with the stunned reaction of all the children. Hilarious. – Sean Gaffney

By: Katherine Dacey

[animeyanderelover]

I'd love to see prompt 116. “I love you more than planned.” with Tobirama and a Uchiha darling. Maybe where Hashirama insisted that Tobi should spend some time and befriend some of the Uchiha clan members for the betterment of the future of the village?

Uchiha darling and Tobirama is quite loved in here.

Warnings: Yandere themes, blackmailing, bribing, threatening, possessive thinking

Prompt 116: “I love you more than planned.”

“I think I heard you wrong?! Did you just insist on that I should give him a chance?! That guy just insulted when confessing! I mean, I didn’t expect anything else, it’s Tobirama after all. But Mito! That could never work! My family would never allow it! They still hold a small grudge against the Senju clan!” The red-haired woman listened calmly to your words. “And you? What do you want?” You gave her a quirked eyebrow. “What I want?” “(y/n), I understand that this situation might be a bit conflicting right now and for Tobirama it was a surprise as well. But he can’t change his feelings and decided to try to accept them. I think to break the cycle of dislike between his and your clan an Uchiha and a Senju would be a perfect example on that things can be different.” You scoffed. “Yeah, sure. If his brother wouldn’t have forced him to befriend a few of my clan that guy would have avoided us like the plague.” “And you knew that and still became friends with him?” You bit your tongue. She did have a point. “Okay. Maybe I like him. But only as a friend! Nothing more! I deserve better than his sassy ass and big mouth! This guy is too...too much! I don’t wanna keep hearing his remarks about my clan! And also, I-I just can’t really believe that he fell supposedly in love with me. To be honest, when we sometimes start arguing and get all heated up I can’t help, but feel like we’re being too harsh on each other. But no one of us really stop because we want to be mean to each other. That’s a distorted way of friendship. And I don’t wanna imagine how it would be if the both of us would be in a relationship. That could end in a massacre. Sorry, but I want things to stay as they are right now.”

“For goodness sake! Tobirama! Let it go!”, you yelled angrily at him, ruffling your hair frustrated which was by now all messed up due to grabbing it so often. You felt like ripping it out due to frustration. “Then listen to what I have to say! You’re just avoiding me since that talk you had to Mito!”, he shouted back, looking just as livid as you. This was so frustrating. Why did you have to have this conversation with him? You did admit that you had started to avoid him after your talk with Mito, wanting to sort your feelings out and needing time about how to handle this new information. But of course Tobirama’s string of patience had worn fast thin. And that had led you to this situation. Shouting and cursing at each other. “Don’t you get it?! I just don’t feel that way! Get that through your stubborn thick skull! Give me space!”, you angrily pushed him away, wanting to run out of this situation. You had already gained enough worried and amused looks from the passengers and weren’t willing to start throwing a show just because this man couldn’t handle a rejection. “Stop acting like a sulky boy and handle this like a man! That’s ridiculous Tobirama! It would never work! And you should know that too. You’re the one who never liked my clan in the first place and now you have the authority to tell me you love me? You gotta be kidding me.”

He was seething, you knew that. Sometimes you had troubles believing that he and the Hokage were brothers because they were like two different sides of a coin. Hashirama was peace loving, friendly and energy whilst Tobirama was impatient, temperamental and harsh. And that was the reason why you didn’t think it would work. Put someone like him with a hothead like you together would make an explosive combo, one for which you didn’t have the patience to endure. But he stayed quiet, clenching and unclenching his fist. “This is stupid.”, you cursed under your breath and turned around, wanting to let a little bit steam off. “Is it so hard for you to believe that I love you?” That made you stop in your tracks, slowly turning your head around. He had sounded polite. Well, he still sounded angry, but he didn’t shout anymore. “You seriously ask me why I have troubles believing that? Reflect on your actions to my clan and you might be able to understand why I have a hard time believing you would fall for me, an Uchiha.”

“Do you think I’m happy about this? Do you even know how I felt when discovering my feelings? I thought that something was wrong with me. Our clans used to kill each other on the battle field before this village was built. And I never fully trusted your clan. Never. You won’t even believe how pissed off I was when my brother insisted on me befriending some from your kind. But I guess he didn’t see it coming that I would end up falling for the damn Uchiha who I managed to become friends with. No one did. Me neither. But I can’t get rid of it. So if you would just put your pride away for a moment and try to understand how I feel this might have not to be that hard.” You didn’t know what to respond to this, giving him a doubting look whilst crossing your arms in front of your chest and tapping your finger against your biceps. As weird as it sounded, you could somewhat sympathize with him, understanding what a blow for his ego it must have been for him when falling for you. He was just confused on how to act on his feelings. You let out a sigh. “Listen Tobirama, I admit that I feel flattered by all of this. But try to see it from the logical side. Our clans wouldn’t handle it too well if we should ever start dating each other, not to mention that I don’t think we would have our peace. We’re too similar to each other, too prideful. I just feel like the dynamic between us could be either very good or very shaky. And I’m not in the mood to endure a constant up and down, not to mention that constant shouting sessions would give me too much of a headache. We both deserve someone who can help us calming our ass down a bit. That’s what I feel at least.”

It became quiet between the two of you, Tobirama glaring with a mix of anger and hurt at you. “I’m sorry Tobirama. I just feel like staying in a friend zone is the best for both of us.” You slowly stepped backwards, not breaking eye contact with him, hoping to be able to leave him here without him trailing behind you again. “You know...Brother knows how much I love you. That’s why he and Mito convinced me in the first place to confess to you. Not to mention that I had enough trust in you to open up about my feelings.” He had mumbled those words more quietly out, making you almost feel a bit bad. “You’re lucky to have someone like him and Mito in your life. They’re both great people.” You tried to sound as comforting as possible, not wanting him to have another outburst of emotions. “And I hope that you’ll be able to get over this someday. Even though your an asshole, our friendship is still important to me.” With these words you finally turned around and quickly walked away from the scene, leaving a silent Tobirama back. “Hopefully Hashirama will be able to help him digesting this. If not I’m in trouble.”

That same night Tobirama couldn’t really fall asleep. He had never been someone who had slept much due to preferring to work until late at night. He just couldn’t, the argument between you and him playing over and over again. You were right, he could understand from where you were coming from. He himself had almost felt disgusted in himself when finding out his feelings for you. How couldn’t he after everything that had happened? He had killed your kind back in the days of war and had never trusted your clan, especially after Madara had left the village and had tried to kill his brother. It had been another proof for him that your clan was possessed by the evil. It had been a miracle for him that he had managed to make friends with you in the first place. You were the only one from your clan who had endured his outbursts, fighting fiercely back to defend your clan and push him back into his place. You had proved to be quite the challenge for him, never backing down from his threats and insults and instead always standing tall. He guessed that this was one of the things he seemed to hate and love on you at the same time. You always stood for what you loved and believed in. You were passionate, strong, smart and stood true to your ideals and words. You were stubborn, snarky and always had a sharp comment which you gladly spit out. Tobirama didn’t even know when it had happpened. When he had started being more mean simply because he didn’t know how to act on his feelings.

In the end it hadn’t mattered anyways. You had rejected him which stung more than expected. He hadn’t expected that this would have such a big impact on him. He had drowned himself in work today, trying to get his mind off. But it hadn’t been from much use and Tobirama couldn’t remember the last time when he had felt so...wretched. This wasn’t like him at all. He had seen death so much back in the war, he had seen his friends and family die and had managed to somehow stand strong. It had been his duty to stay strong and avenge all the people he had lost. And you weren’t even dead. You were still here. But you were lost for him in another sense, still here, but out of reach. That was a new way for him to lose someone. And he didn’t like that. Whom should he blame for drowning in such a pathetic state of his mind? His brother? You? Or himself? He could almost hear your mocking voice if you would see him like this. For some reason he needed to think of something you had told him one time before when the both of you had talked about the topic rejection before. “Drowning in self-sorrow is no way to handle a rejection. You gotta take it like a shinobi does. If I would get rejected I wouldn’t give up. I would fight for their heart until they realize that I’m the only one for them. I would do everything in my power to change their mind. I won’t accept it if someone would miss me. Not like someone would ever reject me.”

Fight for them...Do everything in your power...Not accepting it. And with one swift movement Tobirama was suddenly up, your words still swirling around in his mind whilst he walked to the small office in his house, pulling out a few files he had in one of his drawers. Files about you and your family. He didn’t even know why he had those in the first place in his house but in that moment he didn’t care that much. What mattered was what stood inside of them. Informations. Informations which could be used against you. For a brief moment he stopped, reflecting on what he was about to do. This was actually wrong. Criminal. What would his brother think if he would find out about this? This made for a short moment hesitation wash about him, slowly retreating his hand which had been about to grab the file. “Don’t you get it?! I just don’t feel that way!” He froze. “Get that through your stubborn thick skull!” His hand twitched, feeling a bitter feeling raising up in him and the still so fresh stinging of your reaction tingling up inside his core. What he was about to do wasn’t fair, it was downright wrong and would ensure huge troubles for you if he would use something against you or your family. But you hadn’t played fair as well. You had rejected him and not even given him a chance. In some sense he actually only did what you had said yourself to do in case of a rejection. Doing everything in his power to help you realize your mistake.

He almost felt amused whilst reading the file about your family, taking greedily every information in he hadn’t known so far and already starting to plan possibilities about how to use those informations against you. If someone would have told him a few years ago that he would go as far as being ready to blackmail an Uchiha just so he could make them stay by his side he would have labeled that person as crazy. But now he was there, sitting in his office and going through every information he possessed about your close ones. You would come back to him. You would realize that he was your only option. And if he had to reach that goal by ruining your whole life and those of everyone you loved so be it. “Well little Uchiha,”, he spoke to himself in a slightly amused, slightly angry voice,”I love you more than planned.”

[hashiramaswife]

hmmmm.... hashirama.

sooo was asking my brain for some writing but all i got in return was elevator music so imma just slam some hcs together and call it a DAY. some thoughts about ‘my canon’ and some good ole pining

hashirama comes to uzushiogakure at the invitation of it’s clan leader with the purpose of re-strengthening their clans’ bonds - mainly by marrying the clan leader’s daughter

mito is the older one - a serious and extremely clever woman, who knows how to negotiate, knows how to handle clan affairs and who is, despite her stern reputation, very loving with her family. she is an excellent kunoichi and in the eyes of most people the perfect fit for the hokage

((however they couldn’t expect just how goofy said man could be until they met him))

iyo is quite a few years younger than mito and even though she too saw the terrors of war, she grew up further away from it. she has a warm persona, loves to joke around with clan members of her age and tends to welcome newcomers with open arms. she is an incredible medical nin, but in her younger years she’s not a very dedicated student. a bit of a spoiled younger child - who looks up a lot to her sister

iyo isn’t there during their first formal meeting - probably lost track of time while going off on a little adventure. she returns an embarassed, disheveled mess, and walks right into her sister and hashirama who are taking a walk around the young village.

and none of the girls notice hashirama’s eyes go wide as iyo begins a long and chaotic story about what happened and why she only just now showed up - until hashirama laughs and waves it all off. he’ll be here long enough. and this is an interesting first meeting, too.

iyo’s heart nearly jumps out of her chest when she follows the sound of that beautiful voice and looks at him for the first time

and god damn it he’s handsome. and oh my god what a sweet laugh. oh fuck she looks like she just crawled out of some hole in the dirt.

she quickly interrupts herself. that doesn’t matter - he’s not here for her. everyone knows he’ll chose mito. everyone knows it’s the right choice. she’ll know how to help him build his village. and why is she still thinking about this???

she avoids him like the plague from that day on. she can tell he and mito get along - even though their interactions are often a little awkward. but hey, relationships are just awkward in the beginning. it’s okay. they’ll figure it out. they’re both kind people at their core, and they’ll work out. and surely one day iyo will understand why that thought hurts so much

but she’s not the only one struggling with their feelings. because hashirama sees her. sees her goofing around with her friends, sees her look after the sick, sees her make mito and even their serious father laugh. he sees the pretty blush when someone gives her a heartfelt compliment. and he knows he should look away but he CANT

he and mito DO get along. quite well, actually. but a part of him knows that it’s not attraction - as beautiful as she is, he can’t help but keep comparing their interactions to a business relationship. he respects her. he knows she’s smart and dedicated and has a vision for the future. but... that’s it. and he’s pretty sure she feels the same. they’d make wonderful partners, would form a alliance that could last for generations - but would the two of them make each other happy?

he doesn’t mean to get that close to iyo. doesn’t mean to keep running into her. doesn’t mean to keep laughing his head off with her. doesn’t mean to take her hand and pull her toward him.

mito’s not stupid. she can see it. and she’s probably the only one of the three who finds it all pretty amusing. she can see their feelings for each other - and she knows she belongs into her own village. so what’s stopping them? nothing but their sense of honor, probably. she knows they just want to honor the arrangement and avoid hurting mito’s feelings - but she’d rather stay here and take over her own clan than leave. and while she admires hashirama, she doesn’t love him.

she’s the one who brings it up to hashirama, and later her father. their alliance will work, no matter which of his daughters marry the hokage

and so, eventually, hashirama takes the younger of the sisters home, to become his wife and support.

it’s an honor that inspires her. that makes her want to prove her worth. she might not be a political genius like her sister was, but that’s not her job. she’s there for the village, in any way she can. and eventually, it is under her guidance that the Konoha Hospital is built and that medical nins are trained, no matter what clan they might be coming from.

there is.... some tension. between her and madara, at some point. mostly coming from him, honestly. he can see clearly what hashirama saw, too - a woman full of optimism and hope for the future. a kind woman, often not nearly as funny as she thinks she is, who supports her husband in his attempt to keep the uchiha equal to the senju. but he doesn’t really allow himself to want her.