#which of course doesnt work
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#are 3 of the titles from luckiest man yes absolutely its so dick harden coded as a song#and a couple are from wayfaring stranger#see the one from the gambler is kind of ironic#what with the fact that he doesnt do that in this case lmfao#anyways fun fact this is one of the longest things ive ever written because i am comically short winded lmfao#also the campaign is in progress and i dont have a clear picture of how his half brother meets him#i am planning on adding more to a) flesh it out more and b) drive home the fact that up until the end dick tries to deny that connection#because maybe if he denies it he could keep samuel safe#which of course doesnt work#my special little guy posts
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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one of my fav post game togami headcanons is the idea that in the early days of their time with the future foundation, he's the one doing the Bulk of the work -- not only in the Job sense of like, interpreting all the legalese and filing forms, and being mr ceo guy -- but in a caretaking sense as well.
and its still in his Weird Distant way but like. he picks up extra work so the others dont have to. he brings coffee and tells them when its time to turn in for the night. dont worry. he'll finish the work they have left. it's nothing to him. and sure all of it is couched in backhanded comments a la "if you're too weak to do it i will. i GUESS" because he's still too early in his Journey to Empathy to admit to himself that he's doing these things because he cares. like it's all rationalized as "im the better than everyone and my weak-willed so-called 'peers' are too consumed by grief to actually be useful so i'll do it because im naturally immune to burnout" (he isnt)
and also bc like. he feels BAD about everything that went down in hopes peak. again, not that he'd recognize it as such for years but. here are all these people that he doesn't (does) care about struggling against their own grief for the people they lost that he doesnt care about (or at least doesnt remember caring about) and he treated them SO poorly in some of the harder moments so now's when he needs to make up for it. sure his entire family is dead but he's alive and he's the best one, so he'll do the work. it's fine. this is what he was made for. extra paperwork? handled. too swamped to find time to grab food and water? tch, he's so on top of his work that he already got it for you, stupid. the most dangerous missions? whatever, you'd probably just mess it up anyways, so i'll do it.
#byakuya togami#and then there's the naegami of it all wherein naegi's powers of Observation and Compassion allow him to see through this big facade#so he's the one to be like 'hey. you dont have to do everything. you know that right.' <- hypocrite#which of course togami pinpoints immediately like 'heh youre one to talk. youre on the verge of collapsing. give me half ur work NOW��️'#so 90% of their courtship is them trying to get the other to sit down for .5 seconds and the other refusing#because the core truth of naegami is that if either of them sit still the bad thoughts win#so they dont sit still EVER#kirigiri knows all of this as well but she's 1) more fucked up about it all than she's willing to admit#2) overwhelmed by the weight of her own responsibilities#(+ naegi's because she expresses affection in the same guilt ridden way that togami does)#and 3) doesnt like togami enough yet to care that he's killing himself with work#and knows it wouldnt matter even if she did say something because he's certainly not going to listen to HER
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still on my spn rewatch, and like. okay. i am not usamerican so i am definitely missing a lot of things here so i haven't mentioned it until now. but there's also something to be said about the class disparity of supernatural. how the hunter life which is both poor and rural is contrasted with the apple pie life which is usually life in the suburbs or the city. and how poverty in rural america is valorized and idealized as somehow more worldly, more knowledgeable, and ultimately more moral than the normal world.
#spn#its this vibe of rural community you know#cityfolks and people in the suburbs are ignorant or way in over their heads#or if theyre not its because they can match rural sensibilities#but the rural hunter life is the standard#but of course its not just rural its rural and poor and working class#and the story idealizes it but doesnt try to analyze or dismantle it#think of how like. in 5.22 which talks about how the impala is their home#and i dont think the show ever quite calls it what it actually is#which are these people are fucking homeless and have been for the entirety of their lives#making it seem like a choice instead of an economic reality
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Left handed people
Do you notice when you see another
If you do, how do you notice
#watch on right hand#hair part#which side their drink is placed on the table#which side their tools are on in their art program#and their vibe#it doesnt always work but#i always notice when they write of course#personal
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big fan but not big enough to do another back nine any time soon. rip!
+ the sketch and a silly doodle
#this was painting practice and wowie also not a big fan of rendering boooo#my art#procreate#toontown#toonblr#toontown rewritten#club president#ttr#ttr club president#thought she needed a painting of her to go in her office tbh. which is to say they just hang it up on the brick wall#by the golf course cause she doesnt have an office bc she doesnt actually do any work LOL#im like lvl 23 or smth in ttr and back 9s are soooo mf boring#and long too#at least the music slaps#under new management
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Half of the quad...
Delm (left) is Death and Brody (right) is War. Since they can (along with Pestilence and Famine) inflict whatever status on a person, Delm is terrified of accidentally killing someone pre-apocalypse. And so he's basically a pacifist that can never say the right thing and gets beaten up and refuses to fight back. Brody tries to be his bodyguard of sorts but Delm is slippery and just vanishes and shows up freshly injured with a smile cause "well, I mean I can't /die/, dude. what's the problem?"
#my characters#i really like the four of them because keaton (famine) is obsessed with mobile gacha games#and constantly is on his phone when they all meet up to talk#and ida (pesky pesty) is slightly sadistic (mostly to delm which in turn stresses brody out more)#but while they dont actually die truly ? they do have to go through cycles and so in this lifetime#keaton and ida are brother and sister#they dont really remember their past cycles clearly so delm is convinced he was a scumbag in his previous cycle#which is just karma making him a punching bag in this lifetime#while keaton and ida are very aware of themselves as half the group growing up#they dont actually all meet right away and they only interact with delm because he realizes its them#and of course he doesnt say it well he just sounds like hes trying to flirt and be a creep#so when ida tries to make him sick to death basically and he shows almost no reaction shes like wait a second#why arent you suffering??? and hes like ????? IT WOULDNT WORK WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DO THAT? im your ally :c#and then years pass and they finally encounter brody and delm clocks him as the fourth possibly#but doesnt say it just in case hes wrong but then takes up stalking him#and brody is sooooo tired of this lil freak following him around LEAVE HIM ALONE and then it clicks#when keaton tells him oh yeah you should definitely try to kill him hes impossible to kill#and brody is like wait a second what the f- noooooo he cant be! no! why! hes pathetic and weird!#then becomes obsessed with getting him to stay unharmed and continuously fails#thanks for coming to my ted talk where all my ocs have to be stupid#and theres no brain cells in the four of em
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i’ve been reading buy back the secrets over the past couple days bc of your review and omg it’s so good 😭 i’m genuinely not much of a fic reader usually but u have such good taste ty
this is the thing is that i also am not much of a fic reader. i read fic at a pace of 1-2 per year. i have slowly, over the years, cultivated the ones that i enjoy and have downloaded them all onto my phone to keep forever. if i count the various series that ive downloaded everything from there are 16 fics on my phone. i have some in my bookmarks on ao3 that i like a lot but havent made the cut.
buy back the secrets is an all timer. hit that download button so fast when the last chapter came out.
#this was going to have a very long rant on My Thoughts on fanfic as a structure and the things that happen inside of it#and why that makes me Not That Much of a fic reader#but thats all unrelated to vinelarks beautiful work of art and doesnt belong on this post#because bbts is just really good. theres not much else to say about it it's just a really solid piece of writing#that someone very clearly put a lot of time and effort into writing and did a very VERY good job#i like. i'm pretty tough. which isnt like a brag its just that i work outside and have taken multiple first aid courses#and hunt and trap and butcher and skin things like gore and injury generally dont bother me especially when im reading#the scene where tim breaks his leg in chap ... 5? 5.#genuinely every time i read it i cringe and like have to take a breath. phenomenal#its just so lovingly written and feels so real
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kind of expected that the ability breakdown wouldnt get that much traction (especially on twitter bc if it doesnt do well in the first few hours it might as well be dead) but what i didnt need to wake up to was looking at my twitter notifications and thinking there was a long comment on it at first but then i read it and it turned out to be some guy having dug up one of my old totk tweets where i talked about how zelda was treated-
and if a quote retweet with a thread attached already starts with "this entitled brat didnt understand that zelda was being a history nerd by being in the past and getting to experience it herself" with two screenshots attached of the end of totk with zelda staring at the cam all uwu (which has ??? to do with their point??) i dont even want to know what else was in that thread
if thats how the majority of the fandom is then im even less surprised that nintendy doesnt even have to try to write anything good :I
ah yes, i am a game nerd, and by putting me in a game where i stand around doing puppy dog eyes while being shoved around by NPCs is me being a game nerd OBVIOSULY
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#sorta#like ok im not saying you cant like the game ffs#but acting like everything is perfect and anyone who dares speak something critical is a heathen and must be PUNISHED or PROVEN WRONG-#-is so godammn annoying#just went on their profile to block and of course it was all screenshots of totks ending with uwu zelda and shirtless cool guy link#also find it interesting that zelda has always been a history nerd now#didnt know interest in shiekah tech and ... frogs? counted as historian#and dont get me wrong it would fit her being interested in that too but the way it was done in totk felt so artificial#like doesnt she say she read in a book that the king who founded this hyrule was called rauru and all that?#like ........ how did that even happen#a book that mentions him BY NAME surviving for WAY OVER TEN THOUSAND YEARS just convenietnly materializing or what#how the hell did that survive when next to nothing did of the ancient shiekah#(granted you can make the argument that the -other- ancient king of hyrule that persecuted them destroyed most of their stuff-#-which would make sense and im rolling with that too but you get my point??)#but raurus shit was even older than shiekah stuff like ......... ok???? how convenient she now suddendly is interested in nothing but#-that and also read a book about it!!! somehow!!#also how does something like that exist but then the sonau where pretty much non existent and irrelevant at all in botw#and even what we had was ACTUALLY done ..by hylians as a tribute to rauru you seeeeeeee#and the botw sonau style was the hylians work .. even though the totk sonau style aligns more with hylian than botw sonau..#if the hylians were so grateful to rauru they built giant stone monuments as a tribute for him that didnt even fit their style-#-why was that the only stuff that survived on the surface ... wouldnt it make more sense that they would maintain the og sonau stuff instea#sure the temple ... castle .. whatever went up into the sky and whatver SOEMEHOW but not everythign did and it was everwhere#but then the stuff left on the surface crumbled away while everything left to rot in the underground and sky is just .. fine#what#also ... where did their castle go anyway#like ... we only see the -new cooler sonau- temple of time on the plateau but its interior doesnt match at all with the throne room#so where was all that#funny it wasnt in the same place as hyrule castle
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screen captured the 2023 faerie festival as its going to be taken down right away and i need to document the Illudora history
youtube
#Ive only seen the chat bubbles on other sites which doesnt show the sprite art change which loses some of the story#and its illudora so I wanted to be able to reference it myself later lol#neopets#Illusen#Jhudora#i had some issues getting the upload to work so let me know if its being weird. I have the files saved to my computer too of course#Youtube
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zam is both surprised and incredibly unsurprised that ro is secretly working as an unofficial member of the empire LMFAO
#lifesteal#lifesteal spoilers#his reasoning for it being obvious is#well#bc its mapicc of course ro works w the empire#but also he thought ro would stick w his team this time#even tho he has every reason not to think that LOL#since ro is just not loyal to any team that doesnt include mapicc tbh#tho mapicc and minute defended ros choice bc jumper and rek dont login#which is funny bc they login more than him and have given him everything he has#tho idt ro is betraying the sticklers tbh i think hes doing whatever is interesting#i dont think hed go out of his way to betray or kill jumper or rek#Peanut Gallery
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#iasip#charlie kelly#dennis reynolds#charden#this moment is so hot and i have SO many feelings about it#the fact charlie tried to quit rat detail and then they made him keep doing it for like 20 years#'thats why we call it charlie work'#the smoke obviously#'what is he talking about' addressed to mac#pair it with 'youre a disappointment' at the end of the ep...their arc is just like...#dennis doesnt even have to retaliate. charlie is just humbled by the world. bc of course he is.#consider...high school dirtgrub disliking smoke bc they make him eat cigarette butts#and ALSO consider 'ive been smoking with dee' vs this scene... idk what it means but it definitely means SOMETHING#cd#oh also in this scene frank tells charlie 'youre practically a vietcong' which may or may not be a joke abt his name which#i only just caught which made me laugh#also the deer hunter parody in this ep: i watched that movie on charlie's recommendation and it was so good.#so sad he doesnt get to be in movies like that. so sad he doesnt get to be robert de niro.
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finally got to see that promo image w them all laying in the grass together. i haavent searched like super hard but i have looked around for it a little before and couldnt find it. its so cute. why is pomni sleeping face down im obsessed with her . why is she doing that. shes so weird i think im in love
#'i think' is of course incorrect because i know i am#i sent a close friend of mine a msg a While ago distraught bc i realized i have feelings for this weird jester#also the rest of them are so cute in the picture too 🥺im sad they got woken up. im surprised jax joined#(im constantly intrigued by jax' willingness to join in on group activities actually. i dont think he hates the others actually#hes a dick to them and he doesnt like them but i dont think he minds being around them as much as they mind being around him)#i need to go to sleep im up bc i keep going ohh ill work more on art. but im too tired for that#im just thinking about pomni sleeping in weird positions bc its a hc i already had and like#obv this img is like. they put her face down to be funny#but i am going to interpret this as 'she would actually choose to sleep face down bc shes just... like that'#which aligns w my previously held notion that she cannot sleep in a normal position to save her life#also shes laying face down . on grass. wtf#shes so....#circus discussion
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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Aden is too precious 🥹 I'm sobbing how he puts his family before him because he must love them so much
Its his little way of showing appreciation 🥰 he really enjoys being a big brother and getting little things for his sisters, he used to always get a little candy for Madi on his way back home from school and now that he has more money (that he doesn't really need as his moms are pretty high earners) he gets to spoil them AND his moms with little things. He gets in the habit of bringing his moms a small flower bouquet each every month and its so fucking sweet, Lexa is constantly reminding Aden what a sweet young man he's becoming and how she couldn't be prouder of him.
#letter opened#au: older moms#lexa and clarke do make sure he feels loved too of course#smaller things that always work with aden#his favorite dinner on a random week day#taking him surfing which he loves but doesnt do much
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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