#which other times that he hurt me did ge do it hoping it would kill me???

[fireemblems24]

Golden Wildfire Ch 12

My thoughts below. So, about Claude . . .

MAIN STORY

Please just tell me I don't have to kill Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain, Rodrigue, Annette, Gustave, Mercedes, Dedue, or Dimitri :(

Oh, Arval. Forgot about all of that lamo.

Are we circling back to TWSITD and the origins of Shez's powers? It really hasn't played any role in GW so far. In AG, Shez brings it up all the time (with Dimitri always saying it doesn't matter) and in SB the whole "we only promoted you bc we don't trust your power, sorry now we do" thing.

Nadar . . . doesn't want us to call off the attack. He's really a bloodthirsty jerk, isn't he?

Is Claude JUST now figuring out that taking out the Kingdom is a bad idea for the Alliance?

At least Claude's not stupid enough to not realize Edelgard won't take over the Alliance next. Begs the question then, why?

That's what I mean. This is all potentially interesting, I just think Claude's plans are all really stupid.

So, Claude sided with the Empire because he hates the church that much and actually believes all that shit? Or does he really think Edelgard will stop her war when Rhea's dead? (because she definitely does not in Houses when Rhea's captured in her prisons)

I DO like this for Dimitri though. I'm REALLY curious to see what he does. Is it too much to hope that he'll dump the church to rescue his people from war?

IDK, I just love the idea of a Dimitri willing to sacrifice anything - even his sense of right and wrong (since leaving Rhea to die when all she's done is help him IS wrong) to spare his people pain.

But I'm predicting he'll be too stubborn or not trust Claude or Sylvain furious at his father's death will ruin it

But it's also really cool to see Dimitri kinda backed into a corner with no "good" way out.

I can forgive Hopes giving Edelgard a boring af plot, writing Claude like a moron, and making me kill Blue Lions members, but if they miswrite Dimitri here (or Sylvain, kinda worried about that too tbh), I'm really going to be pissed

Also, like if Claude's plan is really just to gank Rhea to stop Edelgard's rampage, that means he really did all this twisting around just to try and stop one woman's murder rampage - why not just, like, take her out? If this is all really about the least death possible, isn't assassinating Edelgard the fastest way to keep more people from dying?

God, please, please, please have Dimitri dump Rhea to spare his people (I'd feel awful for Rhea, but I really, really hope Dimitri proves to be someone who would spare his people any pain, even at the expense of himself - when he's sane at least lamo).

On the flip side, I'm dying to play GW. It's plot may not make any sense and my opinion of Claude has tanked, but you can't say it's not entertaining.

LORENZ & LEONIE B SUPPORT

Kinda sad they only go to B. They were cute together in Houses. Seems some of the ships got turned up to 11 and others got dialed down.

Lorenz is contemplating his existence in a world where commoners don't rely on the nobility.

He's struggling to see from the commoner's POV, so he wants a commoner to serve as an advisor. Honestly, Lorenz, pretty good call.

The way Lorenz talks about Leonie and her choices, it makes it sound like history was trending towards commoners and nobles not being so rigid without Edelgard doing anything.

Leonie turns down Lorenz's offer because she wants to be a mercenary.

LORENZ & MARIANNE A SUPPORT

Lorenz wakes up after getting injured. Marianne thinks it's her fault, which I saw coming.

Lorenz thought he imagined Marianne asking for help, but she actually did.

Marianne realizes she wanted to live, hence why she called for help. So she's feeling guilty that the end result is Lorenz got hurt.

Lorenz is encouraging and is happy Marianne opened up to him.

Honestly, a better support for him than a lot of the Hopes ones.

CAMP/SIDE MAPS

Balthus is . . . really hung up on the idea of wrestling Dimitri, isn't he?

So some NPC talked about how the Kingdom is getting attacked on all fronts. I can't be the only one who finds it amusing that Dimitri with his smaller army and surrounded by enemies is doing a better job than Edelgard with her massive one lol.

When Hapi proves way smarter than Claude, knowing how massively stupid Claude's plan of "let's kill everyone they love and then force whoever is left over to listen to us! I'm sure they'll be thrilled." Hapi's like, eh, not sure this will work.

Man, Ashe is just miserable when you recruit him. I do find it kind of heartwarming in a weird way how miserable all the recruitable Lions end up being (even in Houses, moreso than the other houses at least). Ashe and Felix taking the cake, but Mercedes was regretting her life choices the last SB chapter too.

Aww, Yuri is worried about Ashe and finds Claude cruel for forcing him to fight against the Kingdom.

Holy shit, Shez really spitting facts to Claude's face, telling him his plan is a giant disaster (Dimitri won't fall for intimidation tactics, and Edelgard won't stop attacking people even after she runs out of excuses.) As insufferable as all of the Golden Deer are in this game, at least we've got stuff like this pointing out how cruel and stupid they're being.

Lamo, take only one unit into the map, as if that's a challenge. I literally only use Lorenz. This'll be easy in AG too bc Dimitri's such a beast. Dreading it in SB though.

Annette is still alive here at least :( And Rodrigue. And Gustave. (we're with the Blue Lions discussing Claude being ... GW!Claude)

Sylvain thinks Claude's an idiot lol. Dimitri and Sylvain are sussing him out.

I love how Dimitri is the only character who's goal is to avoid bloodshed among the lords. The other two are, uh, yeah.

Oh.... is Dimitri actually going to run over the church? Like I wanted? When Dimitri's the best character in GW lol.

Dimitri looking out for Sylvain, knowing how angry he is with Claude.

I had to fight Ingrid :(

SHEZ & LYSITHEA A SUPPORT

Lysithea catches Shez assuring a younger girl that she doesn't seem like a child, but an adult.

Predictably, Lysithea gets angry, because it's Lysithea, but to be fair, she's upset because Shez said the same thing and thinks Shez is being insencere.

Shez admits that it's not cool, what she did, but she's bad at advice and keeps using the same lines she's learned from stories lamo. I love Shez.

Honestly, Lysithea is kinda right to get mad here, at least I get it unlike some of the times with her.

Lamo, Shez can borrow another line from a story. I'm gonna piss her off bc I can lol.

Lysithea buys it. I wonder if it's the same line lol.

SHEZ & SHAMIR C

Having mercenary talk. I had Shez choose to ask for help. Shamir offered once she's free.

Shez comments how mature Shamir is. Shamir comments how relaxed Shez is (but it's a positive thing, not like a judgment).

They bond over having lost trusted allies, including the ones at the beginning for Shez.

Kinda boring, but honestly these two are almost too well matched, like not enough tension and just too normal lol

LYSITHEA & HILDA A

Hilda wants to gossip, but Lysithea only goes on about how awesome Holst is, so she's not interested.

She thinks he should be more careful as head of household, but Lysithea points out that he has no choice.

Hilda is worried who Holst is married. There's an ick here where Lysithea thinks that's because he's too focused on Hilda.

Hilda just talks about who Lysithea might marry, which, yeah...

Hilda offers to help Lystheia out, and some, um, implications that she'll be Lysthesia's new family - she says big sister, but there's def some ship teasing

They made Hilda really flirt with all the girls this time lol

CLAUDE & HAPI B

Hapi finds Claude easier to talk to than Edelgard and Dimitri.

Props to Hapi for telling Claude not to unload his trauma on her.

Hapi's like if you're bitching, why not just quit? Lamo.

Hapi says she'll support him.

MARIANNE & BERNADETTA A

Honestly don't remember if I've seen this in SB already or not.

Bernie likes Marianne's painting, but not her own. This is true vice versa, because of course it is.

Marianne compliments Bernie's horsemanship.

Two shy girls compliment each other, then get shy.

Then Bernie asks what Marianne wants to do after the war and Marianne becomes a Disney princess, wanting to sit in the woods with animals. Bernie wants to finish a story. Honestly, both girls picked amazing options I too want.

Bernie's story is about Marianne lamo. But Marianne isn't mad, she just wants to read it.

I really find their friendship cute, ngl.

Also, Bernie supports Dimitri, so there's no way she's NOT writing fanfic about his life because it's a never drying well there.

LORENZ & RAPHAEL C

Lorenz asks Raphael why he didn't just stay at his family's inn instead and joined the war instead

Raphael wants to keep his family safe, and thinks that following Claude will bring peace to the world (lamo) so that's why

Lorenz is more grounded, saying that all he's doing is exposing his family to the dangers of war

Which, Lorenz isn't wrong, but he also starts prattles more about nobility need to do everything and commoners nothing

But like, does Lorenz really think you can make an army out of nobles only, because, like, that just doesn't happen

Raphael is touched lamo, thinking Lorenz is concerned

Raphael just challenges him to a muscles competition

It is amusing to see Lorenz try to give his spiel and Raphael just keeps doing his own thing

Like ALL of Lorenz's supports in this game is this though, he's more repetitive than Bernedetta at this point

LORENZ & CONSTANCE A

Lorenz is bragging about himself, Constance is in the sun so she's . . . not

You know, I was thinking just how insufferable Lorenz would be in my playthrough because he's like 10 levels ahead of everyone, a god on the battlefield, always MVP - he like trounces everyone so he's be bragging and he'd be right - I wish Claude had to deal with this, watching Lorenz win the war for him and have to put up with Lorenz being Lorenz over it

They overdid it a bit with her sunshine personality - like Dimitri and Marianne are very realistic about a lack of self-worth, but Constance just comes across like a joke (and maybe that's all she's supposed to be)

Poor Lorenz is just confused and wants the normal Constance

I do have a soft spot for when male characters are desperate for the snotty side of a female character to come back (like, really just talking about Rutger and Clarine)

This is going on for too long though without any change

LYSITHEA & LEONIE B

Lysithea mistook a mercenary Leonie talked to for a bandit

But he's just someone who loot dead bodies on battlefields

I always found that kind of distasteful

Lysithea feels torn because she wants to learn about commoners more, but doesn't seem comfortable talking to people who steal coins off dead people, which same

Lysithea of course wants to know about commoner sweets

And Leonie talks about how they can't afford noble treats and likes commoner snacks (hopefully different from Chole's folk food lamo)

SHEZ & YURI C

Shez is snooping on Yuri's letter. I love that Shez is a snoop.

Yuri's pissed though, lamo. He threatens Shez's life though. That's a bit . . . much.

I'm going to pretend I didn't read it lol.

OMG YURI HAS A MOM. SOMEONE IN THIS GAME HAS A MOM.

She's ill so he was visiting her.

He's a bit needlessly sometimes.

IGNATZ & LYSITHEA B

Lysithea thinks there's something wrong with Ignatz.

She guesses right that he's unhappy, but guesses wrong that he wishes he ran his father's company instead of his brother.

He slips up that he admits he's only a knight to please his family.

Awww, Lysithea offers Ignatz the opportunity to live in Ordelia territory and does whatever he wants to afterwords.

She was actually really sweet in this support.

Also, anyone else realize that Ignatz is proof that the church/crests/inheritance isn't the one forcing children to do things they don't want to? It's human greed?

CLAUDE & HAPI A

Claude left a meeting because he was bored of people arguing. Hapi also left a meeting.

Oh, interesting, Hapi asks Claude if he would walk away if someone could take his place. Claude says no that he wants to get a lot done and can't let anyone else do it. So a really uninteresting answer.

LEONIE & LINHARDT B

Linhardt got a gift he doesn't want so he offered it to Leonie.

Lamo, Linhardt forgot the meeting he set up with Leonie.

He gives her a notebook already full, so she wants to give him something in return.

She gives him a rock that turns out to be part of an ancient relic and he gets thrilled.

Linhardt comes to the conclusion that they value the complete opposite things, but they decides they're actually not a special pairing lamo.

MAIN BATTLE

Ugh, not looking forward to this.

Wow, imagine that, the Kingdom isn't bringing them a welcoming party. Like, did Shez really expect that?

They're a bunch of psychos. They're all excited to go kill people because they're strong warriors.

"Let's see if a crushing defeat can get through Dimitri's thick skull." Because you like tried talking with him so many times before???

What is Claude smoking? He's never tried anything but bloodshed of innocent Kingdom people to accomplish anything in this route?

I see what people mean when they say this is one of the most unlikeable casts ever.

Gustave's middle name is Eddie. Not Edward. Eddie. Suffering through GW is worth knowing that.

Also, fuck, I don't want to fight Annette and Gustave, who are only defending their home.

Thank fuck, Annette retreated. Having SB flashbacks where I had to kill Annette. Annette.

And thank God that Gustave did too.

On the flip side, I sort of wish GW wasn't so wish-washy and they all died. At least SB has the guts to show there's consequences for your character's actions. But GW like to pretend only Annette and Gustave matter and it'll be ok to slaughter thousands of low born people of Faerghus every single level because they're not named.

Dimitri evacuated his citizens. I think he's literally the only lord who did that lamo. (I remember distinctly Edelgard not doing that in VW, and I don't think Claude did in CF or AM? Could be wrong about Claude).

FUCK. Dedue. If he doesn't retreat, I swear to God I can't finish this.

Oh, God, not Sylvain too.

Wait, what the fuck, Claude. His "defense" against Sylvain accusing (rightly so) Claude of invading his home and murdering his parents is that "we're all risking our lives here." I guess Faerghus is 2-for-2 whenever someone is actually allowed to criticize people who are invading them.

At least Sylvain retreated.

Dimitri appeared to defend Faerghus. I swear whoever wrote this game didn't care at all about the Golden Deer.

Oh, a cut scene. Also pretty sure Shez called Dimitri Faerghus' strongest soldier.

Well, at least Dimitri being an utter and complete badass in this game continues since Claude admitted that he could never win against him. And he needed Hilda and Lorenz to just push him back, not even defeat him.

Oh, great, more backtracking. Claude has to retreat. Does this mean I have to fight Dimitri again?

You're right, Hilda, it's the same thing all over again. God, this gets old.

It would be funny if it was the Empire, but it's probably just TWSITD. It's pretty funny Claude is the one who learns the least in Hopes vs Houses.

At least Annette and Sylvain are still alive.

Gotta love also how damn badass Faerghus is in general, fighting a 3-way battle and not losing.

Dedue is here too, my beloved.

I love seeing Claude taking another L and having to retreat again.

xxx

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

This AU is haunting me so:

Lan Xichen knows Nie Huaisang is going to kill Jin Guangyao. He was never supposed to know it and wasn't even trying to find anything out, he just heard something he shouldn't have, lingered a bit longer than he said he would in Huaisang's estate before he left one day and caught a rare moment of Nie Huaisang's airhead mask slipping off.

However, Lan Xichen can do nothing about it.

He can't tell Jin Guangyao. He can't even tell Nie Huaisang he knows. He can't tell anyone anything.

Not because he can't as in, he is physically, morally or politically unable to.

He can't because he is cursed.

It is not him in particular, he comes to learn, it's anyone who happens to know anything at all about Nie Huaisang's plan.

At least that's what Huaisang told him. Because Huaisang spotted him as he returned to his guest chambers for a forgotten manuscript long after he'd said his goodbyes - but only after hearing Huaisang give a few orders to one of his henchmen within earshot.

So, Huaisang invited him back to talk.

"I didn't think you would eavesdropping." Huaisang said, an amused glint in his eyes as he daintily fanned himself.

Lan Xichen looked at him, glaring ice. He did not even bother making his tone sound anything but angry. Controlled, but impossibly angry. "I was not."

"I know, I know." Huaisang laughed, "There's a rule against that, isn't there?"

Lan Xichen did not share the lightheartedness. His grip on his sword tightened, the ornaments of the hilt digging into his palm. "What will happen to me now?"

Nie Huaisang sighed, finally taking on the same cold, cruel demeanor that Lan Xichen had glimpsed at. "As long as you keep quiet, nothing. But keeping quiet also entails minding your own business. And not interfering in anything I do." A knowing smile. "Or anything you think I might want to do."

"And if I don't?"

Nie Huaisang smiled in a self-satisfied way, closing his fan shut. "I think you will. You see, this curse won't exactly hurt you. You won't be killed or injured yourself. This curse is a curse of sorrow. The man that created it wanted to teach people about how one's actions often have consequences on those nearest and dearest to them."

Realizations dawned upon Lan Xichen with so much dread that he felt sick. "...Wangji."

"Exactly." Nie Huaisang appeared downright dangerous now, his expression still smiling but dripping venom. "If you talk or write or tell anyone in any way anything about what I want to do, Hanguang-Jun will die. Instantly. No hope for reincarnation, nothing." His eyes fell on Lan Xichrn's sword. "And don't even think about having me killed or killing me yourself, because the same will happen, except not just to your brother, but yourself as well."

The anger Lan Xichen felt suddenly subdued into hopelessness. "Can this be broken at all?"

"Yes and no. Technically, once the purpose to which I placed the curse is fulfilled, it becomes inactive."

"Inactive. Not broken."

"It cannot be reused, if that's what you're worried about." Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes as if scandalized at the notion. "But if you're so keen on breaking it, the only way to do that is if you yourself were to fulfill the purpose to which I placed the cursed for."

Lan Xichen felt bile rise up in his throat. "...kill A-Yao myself."

"Yes. Then you will be free of the curse forever."

"And if I take my own life?"

"Your brother dies with you. And if you - absurd as ir may be - kill him, you will die as well."

"There is no way out."

Nie Huaisang shrugged, almost disinterested in the fact entirely. "You should have left when you said you would."

"Why do you want A-Yao dead?"

That piqued Huaisang's interest in him again. "Do you remember how Da-Ge died?"

"Yes. What's that to do with anything?"

"Who had been playing Cleansing for him at the time?"

Anger reeled inside Lan Xichen again. "I taught A-Yao cleansing myself. What are you implying?"

"Was he indeed playing the version you taught him?"

"What other version is there?"

"None. This is why I ask you, are you sure he was playing what you taught him?"

Lan Xichen's patience, endless as it may have been, was starting to reach an end. "How should I know?"

"I do."

Xichen can't mask his contempt (no, disgust)."How do you?"

"Your contempt is quite upsetting, Zewu-Jun. You do know I am inclined for the arts and I adore music. I have keen ears."

"There is no other version of Cleansing. I have taught A-Yao nothing harmful."

Nie Huaisang briskly closes his fan and turns to leave the room. "Whether you believe me or not is up to you. I know the truth. And now you do too."

"And now I have to watch you kill somebody I care about in exchange for this so-calles knowledge of yours."

"You would have found out anyway."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Perhaps not."

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo be like... (my unfiltered reaction to the movie)

I am only cca 10 min in and I am already crying

WTF HAPPENED TO EVERYONE (but Kaworu bless his soul) I DONT LIKE THIS "GLOW UP"

This is some post post Apocalypse shit and NOBODY gives a shit for a boy who kind of scaed ur asses before and slept for like a long time and is confused af. Liek literally nobody like pm they are under an attack bit it looks like everybody blames Shinji for previous event (at least new guys) like ok without Kaworu everyone would be dead but who was supposed to know Adam and Lilith would fuse like this???

"Don't do anything" BRO MISATO-SAN???? AS INFJ (who's kind of similar to INFP's Shinji) that cold stare and words hurt me deeply

I can't believe I am saying this but I kind of liked anime series abs The end of EVA better than this

They even call my boy by some number as if he was some object. Excuse me he's treated as a criminal even though he technically didn't want to be and wanted to save everyone I AM SO MAD

Fine so we are getting our info...

Ya as I thought... 14 years passed... hahahha ofc they'd be a little mad but this is overdoing it... basically he'd die if he got too emotional lol (I wanna die and we didn't even get to Kaworu at this point he HAS to give my boi happiness)

Most depressing NGE arc... is 3.0

REI REI REI

KAWORU ON PIANO

And ofc Gendou is as same as ever lmao (this impact conversed him back to how he was in anime series Ig)

I wonder if NERV is still going to do Human instrumentality project Ig its kind of gives off these vibes (later I was right this didn't change ge anything for Gendou just made him even colder like he was written before)

OK so this Rei is different altogether from all pheromones versions. She's truly like a robot only following Gendou's orders

I feel so bad for Shinji.... rn he only has Kaworu who's obesssed with him obv but tbh at his position I'd take any friends I could get

My so long awaited gay moments I was waiting for are finally here - and the reason why I am still watching (ok that's a lie rn I do want to know how it ends)

"I was born to meet you= I love you" is making me swoon all over again

Well fuck Ig that answers what happened to everyone (the fact that freaking angel.had to show it to Mc is even more depressing)

Sometimes doing the right thing can cause massive destruction- a novel written by 3.0's Ikari Shinji

There is always hope - Big apause to the best character in this show I don't care what you think this is what we needed to hear

Fyutsuki trying to do right thing by talking to Shinji while giving us his lore lol (he should have done that sooner) but this will break him

OK so now that Shinji knows he didn't save this Rei he can't find excuse for tragedy he indirectly caused(and for which he shouldn't be blamed for remember SEELE is abs amwsyeb be the main villain of NGE. But I do understand bitterness of others)... so he's slowly losing his mind

HES TAKING HIS COLLAR ?it's scene I saw before when I spo8led myself) afabatvayzvahFga I can't be ever normal about Kawoshin

They're piloting together hahaha (Ig soon we'll see THE tragedy)

Bruh this looks bad (and yk it's bad when Kaworu is nervous)

Gadouh planned all this obv and now we're fucked (again) - but it's OK he'll be killed either way

Btw this is on side note: but I find Makinami kind of annoying in this movie - she's basically being little brat and too relaxed unlike Asuka who's in his war mode 24/7 and it irks me in bad way with that said

How did Kaworu not see this happening is beyond me

We're fighting new Adam Ig (I can't wait to watch theory on this so I'd understand all this better I feel like you're constantly confused how these angel awakening work)

Is there even anyone left to kill aside from WILLIE and what's left of NERV?? This is the second craziest shit I have seen after The end of NGE because ofc nobody can top that

Lololol

RIP Kaworu - we seen it coming but his last words>>>> dw your resting place will be entirety of the old world (this quote from Genshin is fitting for him rn)

Fourth impact averted at great cost fuck this was amazing

THAT ENDING SOMG ;-;-;-;;-;-;-;-;-; AGRESSIVELY ADDED TO MY SPOTIFY LIST

And so...

Bravo Anno you created a masterpiece that you always wanted. Now I can rest in peace before I watch Thrice upon time

[ao3writers-pls-love-me]

Hi so im thinking this idea of au where Nico can see ppl mind whenever they touch him and back. its a cursed thing bc all he ever felt is ppl's hostility towards him, whether that "annoying kid", "scary scary", "thy son of hades holds the world's crushing grudges", "hes suspicious we cant trust him", "hes gonna kill us all one day", "creep" or "im going to kill him"

Solangelo mind reading upon touches au (with Nico can read a small amount of thought from people's mind base on how they touch him)

Bianca is straight out, "youre annoying and i love u so much, but i dont want to carry more burdens, dont want you to always put everything u care and trust on me, i want u to find yourself, your own path, follow your heart, not me and also, you are not allowed to watch aquaman until your 13th birthday"

Percy's more complicated, its a mix with guilt, anger, betrayal, brotherly love, annoying, sad, sorrow, "im so sorry Nico", "gods this kid is going to be the death of me", "why did u do that i trusted you!", "im sorry im so sorry you dont have to forgive me im sorry", "i trusted you", "why", "he doesnt...hate me?", "imma make a drop dead joke abt his dad", "i hate him im going to do everything for my lil bro"

Annabeth is quite brief actually, but i imagine it goes like "u go and slay kid", "thank you", "deserved", "gods hes such a nerd i like him", "wtf we can eat spiders as FOOD??? the demigods saved humanity for million times and this is what we ge—"

Hazel is very wholesome and nice, "you saved my life", "Im willingly trust u with everything", "youre my brother! happy happy!", "f— sh— holy he—", "baby bear frank we stan", "ppl find u untrustworthy but dont worry Nico i do and i will shove this sword up thei—", "i love u brother", "i wonder what Bianca will think of me"

Jason's wary at him at first but after the Cupid incident he becomes protective and cares for him a lot, "i dont trust him", "son of hades what will u do", "grrr woof woof bark arf", "piper, leo piper leo..", "hes scary", "does nico eat fancy stuff—", "hes brave", "nico youre the best u deserved the world", "im sorry for not trusting u", "im glad i know i appreciated u", "i hope hes ok", "nico you idiot thats not self loving thats self harming com'ere ill give u a hug", "its going to be alright bro", "dont be sad youre great you should know that everything is going to be alright"

Lastly Will Solace, dude this guy is just full on, sentimental, love, gentleness it makes Nico shooked so badly every time they touch, theres even this electrify feeling and warmths and affections, is not like, is not the same as everyone else. And, Nico fall for it every time, in denial, but he can not chase that weird sappy thing in his heart away, cannot ignore it any longer, cannot be in denial, any longer.

they touched the first time, and all Nico see is just worried and strangely huge amount of adoration, "omg did i...touch him, with my hand, which just delivered a baby satyr?", "shit hes cold", "also cute", "dammit Will nows not the time everyone's dying", "imma warm up his pretty warrior hand that is full of scars and scratches", "hes fading", "oh no oh gods no shit keep calm keep calm keep calm", "please i just met him", "i dont want you to fade away", "i have to—i have do something—anything", "fricking speak Will! speak! hes going to disappear again!", "that shirt is cute and disgusting, but overall looks very nice on you", "not that idiot", "smart stuff", "youre going dark and its terrifying me how much i dont want you to—", "what did you do to me", "you are driving me insane"

the second time in the infirmary is just Will being a lovesick puppy and a concerning friend.

"youre old", "im sorry let me fix that", "youre dense and i love-hate you for it", "im worried", "careful focus stitches careful steady blood careful calm bandage", "did i hurt you", "im sorry if i did", "no why would i think that", "of course hes hurted", "he doesnt look like it", "i want to somehow help you other than healing i want to help you but what should i do", "what if hes uncomfortable", "what if i make him uncomfortable", "but hes just", "i need you", "i want to help you", "not as a medic or healer or therapist", "something more", "you are so...nice", "what did you do to me", "ambroisa unicorn draught maybe lights he needs to be at shine", "please dont go", "please come back, "i look forward to seeing you", "hi its nice your face nice your smile nice", "please dont disappear", "i like you", "lots of things about you", "everyday nico everyday nico", "you need every rest you can get you can have everything you want", "even me"

the third time and is just, is too, driving Nico crazy. Despite all the things Will said, not even once of them connected to those inside his head, why, why tho, why him, why this Apollo's son choose him, of all campers, why him, why? And one single touch then this mind-blowing fact hit him harder than a truck.

"i love you"

oh...huh, its simply as that? he is, nico—is, that dense and stupid, isnt he.

Nico, tapping Will's shoulder: Will, can I um, have that?

Will: Have what? "im here you know u can have me instead", "that fricking caramel chocolate candy bar", "you can have anything hon just kiss me", "actually no id died", "worth it", "he looks cute today as well", "dear diary hes cute FUCK—"

Nico, choking: I—nothing. I want to sit with you

Nico, petting Will on his head: Hey, I was just wondering—

Will: "FUKA AFSHEJDKHSSHJA HE TOUCHED MY HEAD—", "soft hand soft hand soft hand soft hand soft hand", "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—", "its Nico", "Nico Nico Nico Nico—", "and iiiiiiiiiiiii—", "crying right now", "fuck my face is red isnt it duck shieee no no nono calm calm"

Will, blushing: Yes, I'm available, what's up?

Nico, snorts:

Will, leaning his head on Nico's: Nico? "oh gods its happening everyWill calm down oh gods oh gosh", "calm calm calm calm wheres medic Will! We need his ungayness", "nowhere! we lost him seven days ago!!", "wtf thats three nico days he died that early!—", "fuck we doomed"

Nico, trying to hold in his laughter: Y—Yeah?

Will: It's on my mind for awhile "no itS DUCKING NOT—", " i dreamed abt you", "no this is not a dream fuck fuck duck duckshit", "i thought of you every—", that I always wanted to, um, wanted to spend more time with you, to hang out or wanted, you know, be with you, like, "for the rest of my life say it coward say it say it saY IT SAY IT" m—most of the time, and would you mind if I—

Nico is so red, he's not even ashamed of it at this point: If you?

Will: A—Ask you out..."on a date on a date on date on date" on a—on a—

Nico: Yes...?

Will: —trip to Starbuck where we can eat fancy coffee and laugh at stupid drinks like Crystal Ball Frappucino or something "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—", "WHY DO WE KEEP LOOSING", "FOR GODS SAKE ITS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE", "WE ALMOST FRICKING HAD IT FUCK—", "BUT ITS TECHNICALLY A DATE RIGHT??? ITS A DATE RIGHT???"

Nico, trembling: G—Gods sure Will sure, snorts I—of course I'd lov—love to

Nico, pokes Will's back: Will...

"Will", hardly breathing: "cute cute cute cute cute cute nico cute cute cute", "hes being a babyyyyyy—", "fuck thats cute", "is he pouting??? is thaT A FCKING POUT—", "mind be calm and im having a heart attack", "i wanna hug him"

Will: Oh? What's wrong, love?

Nico: It's nothing important, really. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just...kinda, gloomy, at the moment

Will, immediately: "i wanna hug him", "you wanna hug?" You wanna hug? "—OH SHI—"

Nico: Yes, took you long enough

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt 1) NMJ is the son of the concubine, NHS is the son of the legal wife, who had difficulty conceiving because of an old night hunting injury, and picked out a concubine for her husband who was big and strong and healthy as on ox - the strength got passed on, her more even temperament didn't. The legal wife conceived later, with much difficulty and they weren't entirely sure NHS would live at first

ao3

“Are you well?” Nie Mingjue asked Jin Guangyao, his voice stiff, and Jin Guangyao looked at him sidelong, surprised by the question, as well as the fact that Nie Mingjue was talking to him at all.

Normally, he would assume that Nie Mingjue was doing it because Lan Xichen was encouraging him to get along with Jin Guangyao again, but Lan Xichen was in the Cloud Recesses, had been in the Cloud Recesses for quite some time. Officially, he was helping oversee the rebuilding; unofficially he was caring for his brother, who had officially entered seclusion and unofficially was healing from a punishment so grievously terrible that Jin Guangyao was reminded all over again why one could not trust the righteous facades of the wealthy and powerful Great Sects.

Not that he needed much reminding, here in Jinlin Tower…

At any rate, Lan Xichen couldn’t be the reason Nie Mingjue was asking Jin Guangyao about his well-being, and that meant that his stern, grim-faced oldest sworn brother was doing it on his own, for reasons of his own.

Naturally, Jin Guangyao mistrusted that even more.

“Of course, da-ge,” he said with a practiced smile. “Is there a problem?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, somehow, impossibly, even stiffer than before. “No, I just – I meant – with Jin Zixuan’s death. It must have made it – hard. Here. For you.”

That was a staggeringly perceptive insight, and the fact that it came from Nie Mingjue, who thought ignoring rumors until they went away was a valid strategy, was something of an uncomfortable surprise. Even Lan Xichen hadn’t really thought of Jin Guangyao in the aftermath of Jin Zixuan’s death and the ensuing calamity, with the Nightless City and Wei Wuxian’s final downfall and everything with Lan Wangji taking away his attention; at best, he’d penned a careless letter belatedly expressing that he was sad that Jin Guangyao hadn’t had more of an opportunity to get to know Jin Zixuan better before his untimely demise.

Not even Su She had said anything, taking Jin Zixuan’s death as an unmitigated good – an obstacle out of their way, and nothing more. Easy enough for him to think as sect leader of his own sect, however small.

Not so easy for Jin Guangyao.

Not so easy when Madame Jin’s dislike of him had turned to full-blown maddened hatred, when his father looked at him like filth on his shoe, when they wouldn’t let him anywhere near Jin Ling as if his mere touch were some sort of toxic poison…

“…thank you,” he said cautiously. “I’ve been doing fine.”

Nie Mingjue jerked his head in a nod. “Avoid the sect elders for a time,” he said, and when Jin Guangyao looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, not looking at him at all. “Be careful with what you eat and drink. Some people don’t like to take chances.”

Was Nie Mingjue – Nie Mingjue – warning him about a possible assassination attempt? The man who had barely consented to using spies during wartime, who thought politics could be conducted through above-board dealings, who thought bribery and blackmail were unacceptable crimes? Him?

The world had truly turned upside down.

“I’ll be careful,” Jin Guangyao said, and found to his embarrassment that his tone had unconsciously softened, revealing the sudden fondness he was feeling for no good reason. He could rationalize it as a deliberate move, because allowing Nie Mingjue to do him a favor and sounding touched about it was a good way to get closer to him, to get back through those iron defenses of his. The problem was that it wasn’t a stratagem, not really, and that was dangerous.

Nie Mingjue nodded again, and Jin Guangyao expected him to move on – he and Nie Mingjue might be sworn brothers, but they didn’t chat – but he didn’t. He lingered, instead, clearly wanting to say something, something he was chewing over and not quite able to spit out.

Unusual, for someone who normally prided himself on being straightforward and direct.

“Is there something else?” Jin Guangyao eventually asked when Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to be actually making any progress towards saying anything.

Nie Mingjue grimaced and took a step – off to the side, to a corner of the path that was a little more secluded than most. Interestingly, he didn’t make the amateur mistake of going for one of the obviously secluded alcoves, which of course had all sorts of hiding-holes for eavesdroppers, but rather ended up in one of the few areas where the architecture created a natural dead space for sound.

Intrigued, Jin Guangyao followed him there.

Once they were there, Nie Mingjue still looked awkward – he was still refusing to look directly at Jin Guangyao, as if they wouldn’t be talking in hushed tones in a secluded corner if he didn’t admit that that was what they were doing – but finally said, “Would it help or hurt if I said anything?”

Jin Guangyao frowned a little, not following. “Said anything?”

“About the inheritance,” Nie Mingjue said, and Jin Guangyao’s eyes widened. “You’re the only recognized son left; you ought to be named heir until Jin Ling is full grown. But that doesn’t mean people will let that happen so easily.”

Jin Guangyao would have been less surprised if Wen Ruohan had spontaneously resurrected himself from the dead and performed a brothel fan dance on the front lawn of Jinlin Tower.

It had not even remotely entered his calculations that Nie Mingjue would be anything but an obstacle to his ambitions for power over the Lanling Jin sect – at best, he had hoped only that Nie Mingjue would be convinced that Jin Zixuan’s death was wholly Wei Wuxian’s fault and not find some way to blame Jin Guangyao for it, and that he wouldn’t immediately suspect that Jin Guangyao of scheming to kill Jin Ling and take the whole thing for himself.

He’d never dreamed that Nie Mingjue might think that he deserved it.

“I’ll support you, of course,” Nie Mingjue said, as if it were obvious, when it was the least obvious thing that had ever happened in Jin Guangyao’s life. “But I’m not actually any good at this sort of thing, you know – playing politics with the internal affairs of other sects. I don’t want to make things worse for you just because I don’t know what the right approach is, especially not here.”

Jin Guangyao stared at him.

Nie Mingjue, not hearing a response, glanced at him and scowled. Lowering his voice still more, he said, “Think on it carefully. Sect Leader Jin hates me personally, but my Nie sect isn’t nothing, not even in Lanling. It’s still more so after the war, after all those battles I won to save the Jin sect’s rotten – that is, after everything I did to help. Even if your father doesn’t like it, he still has to give my sect face, and his sect elders know it. You’re a war hero, and my sworn brother; if a public stand on my part would help make things easier for you…”

“I’ll think on it carefully,” Jin Guangyao assured him, his mind already racing over the possibilities. Nie Mingjue underestimated himself – he wasn’t just a war hero, he was the war hero, the righteous and unyielding war god that had won an impossible war for the rest of them. He was Jin Guangshan’s chief rival for the position of Chief Cultivator and he wasn’t even trying to get the position; he probably wanted nothing more than to go home to Qinghe and sleep for three months and yet practically every single sect leader that Jin Guangshan felt out on the subject invariably dropped his name as the possible alternative. Assuming he was serious, and Nie Mingjue was always serious, his public support would make it extremely tricky for Jin Guangshan to refuse to name Jin Guangyao as the official heir, even if he tried to claim that this was a private matter. The rest of the sect would force him to do it, even against his will.

Moreover, Lan Xichen would follow Nie Mingjue’s lead, or at least could be easily encouraged into doing so. He was so distracted with his brother, if Jin Guangyao went to him and pointed out that Nie Mingjue thought it was a good idea to stand behind him…no, he wouldn’t even need to do that. Everyone knew how much better his relationship with Lan Xichen was in comparison to Nie Mingjue; if Nie Mingjue stood behind him, everyone would assume that Lan Xichen did as well, and then he would have two of the remaining Great Sects backing his right to inherit – even if only in the interim – the seat of power for Lanling Jin, as the only recognized son…

Except, of course, Jin Guangshan had already accounted for that.

Jin Guangyao’s eyes flickered. Perhaps there was a way to test Nie Mingjue’s sincerity.

“There is one issue,” he said, and Nie Mingjue turned his head to look at him directly. “My father has – decided to bring home another son.”

Nie Mingjue stared at him. “Another son?”

“From a minor noble family of commoners –”

“He brought one home now?” Nie Mingjue said, and he sounded angry. He always sounded angry, but this time he sounded angry on Jin Guangyao’s behalf, something he hadn’t been since Langya, since Qinghe, and it thrilled Jin Guangyao’s heart to hear it. He’d always secretly enjoyed having someone as physically and politically strong as Nie Mingjue in his corner, the power of it going to his head; it was even more so now, when he was finally in a position where he could really use it. “That’s a deliberate insult to you, and for what? Some untried boy…”

One who isn’t the son of a prostitute, Jin Guangyao thought, but of course Nie Mingjue wouldn’t think about it that way. He never had, not from the beginning.

“Father is of course within his rights to bring home whoever he wishes, for the best interest of the sect,” he said diplomatically, and Nie Mingjue huffed and rolled his eyes. “Da-ge…”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Nie Mingjue said curtly. “Think on it, and tell me what you want me to do.”

With that he turned away and strode off towards the main hall, a scowl firmly on his face.

Jin Guangyao watched him go, pleased – Nie Mingjue was really too easy to manipulate, if you knew him well enough. He’d keep quiet during the opening ceremony of the conference, but if he was really sincere about standing up for Jin Guangyao’s right to inherit, there would be no way he’d be able to refrain from expressing his views to Jin Guangshan at some point later that evening.

Sure enough, Nie Mingjue seethed throughout most of the complex and beautiful ceremony Jin Guangyao had arranged to show off Lanling Jin’s wealth and strength and taste – all wasted on him, naturally, so Jin Guangyao didn’t take any offense – and through dinner as well, and afterwards found a reason to make his way over to Jin Guangshan. After a few words, they both retreated to one of the receiving rooms.

Jin Guangyao made his excuses very shortly thereafter and slipped away: the receiving rooms, at least, were not dead spaces, and he knew all the ways to listen in there.

By the time he arrived, they were already arguing.

“ – what business of yours?” Jin Guangshan was snarling. “These are my private family matters!”

“He is my sworn brother,” Nie Mingjue said in return, his voice stiff as always. It was interesting to Jin Guangyao that he still didn’t seem happy about admitting that fact; he was still resentful of Jin Guangyao, still suspicious, and yet he supported him regardless, just because he thought it was his right. Ah, the foolishness of good people! “When you refuse to give him face, that becomes my business.”

Jin Guangshan spat, audibly. Jin Guangyao, still carefully moving into a position where he could see as well as hear, hoped he’d aimed it at the floor and not at Nie Mingjue’s face.

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Jin Guangshan said. “I suppose I really shouldn’t be so surprised to find you supporting him, should I?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nie Mingjue demanded, and Jin Guangyao wondered the same.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Jin Guangshan said. Jin Guangyao had never heard his father sound so cruel – and he had quite a bit to compare it to. “They do say like calls to like, don’t they?”

Jin Guangyao had just finally gotten into view position, which meant he was just in time to see all the blood drain out of Nie Mingjue’s face as if he’d just been stabbed.

“You may have won some merit,” Jin Guangshan said, and he was smirking now. “But they do say blood always tells – or did you think that people would forget that it’s your brother that’s the true-born son, and you merely a concubine’s get?”

He was what?

Nie Mingjue was –

It was impossible. Surely, it was impossible.

And yet Nie Mingjue was not denying Jin Guangshan’s words, was not getting angry at the slander, was standing there stiff-backed and grim-faced –

“I still remember how disappointed your father was when his beautiful, beloved, delicate wife couldn’t get a pregnancy to last the term,” Jin Guangshan said, picking up one of the jars of wine and taking a swig. “He didn’t want to take a concubine at all, thought it’d be disrespectful to his wife, but what could he do? He was the sole heir, with an obligation to continue his lineage…they bought your mother for the breeding, like bringing in a cow for the farmyard bull.”

He laughed.

Nie Mingjue said nothing.

“Healthy, I think he said about her. Healthy and big, good hips for bearing children, good tits to nurse them – that was all he cared about, squeezing a few sons out of her, and she didn’t even manage that. Ran away after the first one, didn’t she? You ever figure out where she went, whether she ended up married to some dumb farmer as illiterate as her, or else lying on her back in a brothel? Dead in a beggar’s grave somewhere, perhaps?”

Nie Mingjue said nothing.

“No, it’s no surprise: of course you’d back the little son of a whore for the position of rightful heir, as if letting him take it would help cover up for the way you stole your own brother’s –”

“Watch your words,” Nie Mingjue said, his heavy voice slicing through the air like a saber.

“Still pretending it wasn’t theft, then?” Jin Guangshan laughed again, pacing the room back and forth, prowling like some sort of beast. “You were supposed to step down when he was ready – you had to swear never to have children, never to marry, all so you could warm the sect leader seat until he was grown up and ready to take it himself. But a weakling wastrel like that, he’s never going to be ready, is he? Very clever of you. I bet your sect elders hadn’t thought of you getting around it like that.”

“You dare –”

“Oh, I dare! And I’d dare more, if you think you can push me around!” Jin Guangshan bared his teeth. “Let me tell you now, Sect Leader Nie, if you dare make a public statement of support for Guangyao, I’ll remind the whole world that you’re no better than him, that you ought to be one of the Nie sect’s servants, not its sect leader –”

“Go ahead.”

Jin Guangshan stopped.

“Go ahead,” Nie Mingjue said again, stepping forward, and Jin Guangyao had never actually seen him purposefully use his height against someone, wield it like a weapon to remind the other party which of them was the more terrifying. “I’ve already had half a dozen public arguments with Huaisang about the fact that he needs to take the role of Sect Leader; everyone in my sect knows that he’s the one who keeps refusing. Do you really think everyone is like you? Scrabbling for every scrap of power you can get, like a rat in the rubbish bin?”

Jin Guangshan took an involuntary step backwards as Nie Mingjue continued to advance.

“When there are those who speak against you, you must do so well that they have no choice but to shut their mouths,” Nie Mingjue said, and it was the very same words he had spoken in encouragement to Jin Guangyao, all those years ago when they had first met. At the time, and thereafter, Jin Guangyao had thought him naïve, of not knowing of which he spoke. “Tell me, Sect Leader Jin, if you go out and spew your poison to your sycophants, do you really think any but the most loyal and brainless will open their mouths to condemn me now? Now, when I’ve just won the cultivation world a war, when I saved Lanling Jin a dozen times or more? Do you really think people will remember my mother instead of my saber?”

“You’d be amazed what people remember,” Jin Guangshan said, even if his voice was weaker, more desperate than it had been before. Less mighty and more pathetic than before, as if Jin Guangyao were suddenly seeing him in a brand new light: seeing him as what he was, as a man who would never looked beyond a person’s birth, no matter what their merits. “In the end, public arguments or not, you were the one who raised Nie Huaisang, now a good-for-nothing, a waste, and you sit in his throne, managing his Nie sect. People will remember that! Your sect will still lose face, be dishonored!”

“Fine. Then I’ll just kill you,” Nie Mingjue said, and Jin Guangshan gaped at him. “Why not? You’re right. To protect my brother’s birthright, I vowed never to have children, never to marry; the only ambitions in my life were to allow Huaisang to live well as he grew older and to avenge my father, and I’ve accomplished both. Even if they execute me for your murder, what’s it to me? What will I have lost?”

Jin Guangshan’s mouth moved open and closed, mute in his shock, and Jin Guangyao couldn’t blame him.

Nie Mingjue’s lips twisted into a sneer of his own.

“For once in your life, Sect Leader Jin, just do the right thing,” he said, sounding tired, and Jin Guangyao felt something loosen inside of him that had gone inexplicably frozen and pained at the idea of Nie Mingjue breaking all those morals and principles he always seemed to hold so dear.

It was strange. Not a day earlier, Jin Guangyao would have sworn that he would’ve liked nothing more than to see Nie Mingjue pushed too far, forced down into the muck and mud that the rest of them trudged their way through, and now that he saw a hint of it, he’d never wanted anything less.

“Name Meng Yao your heir until Jin Ling is grown,” Nie Mingjue continued. “Reap the benefits of the alliance he brings with him and have us all honor you as an elder, if that’s what you want. But playing games like this…I’d say it’s beneath you, but I’d need a shovel to get that deep. So don’t think about it. Just do it. Or I’ll make you.”

He left, Jin Guangshan still gaping after him. It wasn’t long before he finally started moving, throwing around expensive teacups and furnishings and shouting for servants to bring him a drink and a whore, even though it was early; Jin Guangyao returned to the party, knowing there would be nothing more for him to learn, not when his father was in a mood like that.

Later that night, when the party was over and all cleaned up, he went to the quarters assigned for their guests from the Nie sect and was unsurprised to see a light still lit within the one assigned to the sect leader.

He knocked, and a familiar voice beckoned him to enter.

Nie Mingjue was dressed in a sleeping robe, but he was at his desk, writing a letter; he’d clearly been unable to sleep. He looked up when Jin Guangyao entered.

“What?” he asked, short and sharp and rude as always.

These days, Jin Guangyao usually planned out his encounters with Nie Mingjue in advance, hoping to minimize awkwardness and achieve his goals without too much of a scolding. He’d done that at the very beginning of knowing him, only to rapidly give up during his time at Qinghe – Nie Mingjue was both predictable and yet somehow an utter mystery, and it was easier to just go with the flow, adapt to the circumstances, than it was to plan in advance. Only after he’d left did he start planning once again.

He wasn’t planning now.

“Your mother,” he said, and Nie Mingjue barked a laugh, reaching up with a hand to rub at his eyes.

“Did your father tell you?” he asked. “Or did you just listen in?”

Jin Guangyao shrugged, and Nie Mingjue for once did not seem inclined to demand an answer.

“Is it true?” he asked instead, even though he already knew. “That she was…”

Like mine.

Not exactly like, of course. Jin Guangshan wouldn’t have hesitated to call Nie Mingjue the son of a whore directly if he thought he could get away with claiming it was merely fact, and had managed to imply as much nonetheless. Jin Guangyao’s mother’s shame could never be washed away, not in his lifetime; Nie Mingjue’s birth, being merely low, was not the same.

And yet.

“Oh, it’s true,” Nie Mingjue said mirthlessly. “Right down to the fact that they all but bought her based on how fertile she looked, for all that my father later pretended it wasn’t that, and the fact that she ran away.”

Jin Guangyao blinked. If he was playacting, he might have bitten his lip, averted his eyes, and he still considered doing it, but for the moment he was still feeling too off-balance to really commit to it. “Is she – still alive?”

Nie Mingjue shrugged.

“Have you looked for her?”

“I’ve been sect leader for over a decade,” he said, which wasn’t a denial. “If she wanted to find me, she knows where I am.”

That was a good point, Jin Guangyao supposed.

“Was it hard?” he asked, and Nie Mingjue frowned, clearly not understanding the question. “For you, when it was you. Was it hard to convince them to let you inherit?”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes slid half-shut in pained memory. “Yes.”

Jin Guangyao nodded, and went to sit down next to Nie Mingjue, who allowed it, returning to his work. He didn’t say anything.

It was rather atypical for Jin Guangyao – he was always thinking of something to say, when it came to Nie Mingjue, trying to bridge the gap between them with clever words. Perhaps it was only that the gap had shrunk, or had never been as large as he had thought.

After a while, Nie Mingjue said, “You know I wish you were better than you are,” and Jin Guangyao looked at him sidelong. “But in the end, you’re my brother. Isn’t that what matters?”

“Yes,” Jin Guangyao said, and there was that uncalled-for fondness again. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

[mo0nfairy]

my thoughts on vol. 2

the obvious cons —

no more flashback scenes of henry?????? srsly??????????? the only scrapings of him i got were kinda hearing jamie’s voice through the distorted speech of vecna.

could literally not give less of a shit about the love triangle with nancy, steve, and jonathan. if anything, i want nancy and robin to be together.

why hasn’t steve been given more depth??? like he is literally just a babysitter, nancy’s simp, and a dude who bit a bat. there’s literally nothing else to this boy (which makes it a million times harder for me to write him) and he deserved SO. MUCH. MORE.

i don’t want to be mean but i literally don’t really care about the russia pack?? it’s good writing so idk what’s wrong with me, but i found myself just skipping through it. enzo is fine af tho, so is joyce (per usual obvi)

why is will’s arc dependent on mike and el, like i could not give an extra fuck about their relationship. i wish he had more depth that revolved more about him and his sexuality rather than just being mike an el’s therapist and being some sort of vessel for the upside down. give my sweet boy what he deserves!!! and give him a proper boyfriend!!!!!

^^ this goes for robin too. she does have personality, which most shows representing sexuality lack in, but then again, we barely see any gay??? literally we only see vickie like three times, one being when she is with her boyfriend????? of course the hetero relationships like mike/el and steve/nancy show a gazillion scenes with their tongues down each others throats, but the only recognition we get for our community is will balling his eyes out and some cutesy pb&j making sesh?? like wtf???? why are the only gay characters getting absolutely ZERO recognition?? do the duffers think that oppression ends with just being a nerd or something????????

i wish el was given more personality. literally her brain is just mike and trauma. give that girl some hobbies!! some talent!!! she deserves even the smallest sliver of happiness so so much

and now to address the elephant in the room: WHY DID EDDIE HAVE TO FUCKING DIE????? like that was cheap as fuck duffer brothers!!!! you’ve done this EVERY season. you make the sweetest, kind-hearted character and then kill them off for shock value. it’s so lazy and irritating!!!!! and the fact that he will get no closure and he will forever be known as the black sheep who started a cult and killed these random ass kids fucking hurts. and how no one but dustin was grieving for eddie??? like hello???? everyone was literally fine but i was balling my eyes out and the dude isn’t even real. moral of the story: if they introduce a sweet character in s5, don’t get ur hopes up. i hope by some miracle he returns in next season, i'm crossing my fingers.

the pros!! —

lucas’s arc was so good!!! i felt like he was really left out in s3, but i feel as if we get to see more of who he is and how he feels. how he joined the basketball team cuz he didn’t want to be bullied, how he treats max, and how fucking devastated he was after max almost died stabbed me in the heart. i do feel as though more could’ve been done for his character that didn’t relate to the basketball team and max, but i liked seeing this new side of lucas!! in conclusion: i love this boy to the moon and back. also caleb's acting???? phenomenal! give this boy every oscar known to mankind !!

my sweet, sweet maxine. there are no words to describe the sheer adoration i have for this girl. the whole season i found myself honestly annoyed with how she was reacting to billy’s death. he was her brother, and despite everything, she did love him, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he was a racist, abusive piece of shit. and i can already hear everybody rant about how “it’s not his fault!” “his dad is mean!” “but he’s too pretty to be abusive!” like stfu???? he was an awful human being, and i appreciate how they talked about how max knew these things and how she secretly wished he would get what he deserved. no matter what, nobody deserves death, but i love how they managed to come full circle with her grieving process and how she wouldn’t blindly defend all of his actions simply because he was her brother and now he’s dead. he didn’t deserve to die, but him dying doesn’t mean any of the things he did are excusable. also, max and lucas are the only str8 couple i found myself actually shipping and rooting for (el/max still thrives in my heart tho). and also, her music taste >>>> bomb!!

jason got FUCKED UP LMAOOO. i was literally sobbing my eyes out over eddie and then this man just gets split into two, like that shit caught me SO OFF GUARD. but i think his character was honestly really fascinating. it’s so easy to see all he’s caused and just hate his guts for it, but if you really pay attention, you can see how detailed his character truly is. he wasn’t just some mass villain, he’s a normal high school basketball player who is mourning for the girl he loved. and because of that, i feel pity for him. though he majorly fucked up our plans and what he did wasn’t ok in any shape or form, he was just doing what he thought was right: ridding hawkins of evil and avenging for his dead girlfriend. basically i will defend this man to the end idc idc

and now for some of my favorite highlights :

robin getting down on one knee to help nancy >>> robbin grabbing nancy’s hand cuz she was nervous >>>>>>> i love my gay girlfriends

eddie calling max “red” >>>>

eddie randomly saying to dustin “never change” >>>>>>>>

eddie saying “don’t ya, big boy?” to steve >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[zintranslations]

Kaleidoscope of Death, Extra 6

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Novel Updates

Extra: Twin Lives, Twin Deaths (3)

The first person to leave a door could gain a hint about the next door. This was preferential treatment and leniency that the door awarded the victor. This was also an affirmation of strength.

But what many people didn't know was that when only one person was left in a door, that person, upon leaving the door, would earn a very special sort of hint. The person who possessed this hint gained not only detailed insight into the next door, but also a chance to save their own life.

For reasons, Ruan Nanzhu had never told Cheng Yixie about this. Cheng Yixie only learned about it by accident.

And Cheng Yixie, after just barely scraping his way out of the seventh door, had also come to a realization. He'd realized that he couldn't protect Cheng Qianli. The world of the doors was treacherous and ever-changing; no matter how smart he was, he was just a mortal in the end, and all mortals made mistakes. Mistakes in daily life may be utterly unimportant, but mistakes made inside the doors could cost you your life.

Cheng Yixie returned to the mansion, saw Cheng Qianli's brilliant grin embracing Toast, and made a silent decision.

Everything that followed became so reasonable.

Cheng Yixie was clever, and when clever people did bad things, they were naturally adept.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing, Cheng Yixie." Ruan Nanzhu very quickly figured out Cheng Yixie's deviancy, and he and Cheng Yixie had their very first explosive argument. "You're going to get Cheng Qianli killed, as well as yourself!"

Against Ruan Nanzhu's accusations, Cheng Yixie chose silence.

"Stop this, while you still can," Ruan Nanzhu said. "Don't wait until it's too late to turn back…"

Cheng Yixie gave Ruan Nanzhu an answer. He said, "Cheng Qianli's not even eighteen yet."

He held onto the railings, looking out over the lush green yard where Cheng Qianli and Toast were chasing each other around in play.

"If only one of us can survive, I hope it to be him."

Ruan Nanzhu, "but there are other ways. You're choosing the stupidest method—"

"But it's the most lucrative." Cheng Yixie was no older than fourteen, but there wasn’t any trace of a child's innocence to be found in his eyes. His pupils were deep lakes, in which were hidden things even Ruan Nanzhu couldn't comprehend. "Sorry, Ruan-ge, I really can't just watch Qianli die."

Ruan Nanzhu knew he had no chance of convincing Cheng Yixie. He said no more, and walked away.

At this point, the worst that Cheng Yixie had done was let people go to their deaths. But after…Cheng Yixie closed his eyes. He never wanted to talk about what happened after anymore.

Once someone broke their bottom line, it was like plunging into a quagmire; you could only keep sinking.

Had it been anybody else, Ruan Nanzhu would likely have already kicked Cheng Yixie out of Obsidian. But Cheng Yixie was just a kid. He was like a fresh-grown sapling that, before it could even grow up straight, got snapped at the waist by the battering rains and winds.

Cheng Yixie began to sink deeper and deeper in to the abyss, until he had no way of ever getting out.

Everybody said what went around would always come back around; Cheng Yixie thought that he would be the one to pay for the things he did. Once people do wrong, they had to pay a price. Cheng Yixie was willing to pay for his sins with his life.

But on the day retribution truly came, Cheng Yixie finally learned that some things didn't happen as easily as he's imagined.

The tenth door was hellishly difficult.

Even with the special hint slip, Cheng Yixie was running on the last of nine lives inside.

Just as he had Cheng Qianli, and the two were stumbling their way to the door, they discovered that where the door should have been was instead a giant green bronze statue. The statue was beastly and looked like a demon, and the green bronze encasing it was beginning to crack, revealing hard skin as black as lava rock underneath.

Seeing such a scene, Cheng Yixie knew the monster before him was about to wake. Though the door was right behind it, they still couldn't make their way through.

"Gege," Cheng Yixie spoke quietly, standing behind Cheng Yixie. "I'm scared." The hand he held Cheng Yixie's with was covered in sweat, and there was a helpless tremor in his voice.

"Don't be scared, I'm right here," Cheng Yixie comforted Cheng Qianli quietly. He took a deep breath, and then stuck a hand in his pants pocket, settling on the sharp dagger folded inside. "Just listen to me, and it'll be fine."

Cheng Qianli scooted closer. He seemed to have sensed something, and wrapped Cheng Yixie up in a tight embrace. They were twins, after all; they felt everything together. Through the thin clothing between them, Cheng Yixie could feel the heat of Cheng Qianli's body as well as the anxiety in Cheng Qianli's heart.

"Gege." Cheng Qianli's voice was filled with woe, and even sounded a bit choked. "Is it about to come to life?"

The monster behind them had already exposed the blood red of its eyes. The giant jaw packed full of fangs began to savagely snap. It looked ready to pounce at any moment.

"Mh," Cheng Yixie said. "But it won't be able to hurt you."

"Why am I so stupid?" Cheng Qianli said. "If only I were smarter." His tone of voice was agonized. "If only I were smarter, then Gege wouldn't have to work so hard…"

Cheng Qianli's arms around Cheng Yixie slowly began to loosen, and his voice too grew faint.

"But no matter how stupid I am, I still know what Gege wants to do…"

Cheng Yixie felt that something had gone wrong. His voice froze for a moment, and he slowly turned his head.

"Qianli…"

"Hey, I brought one too," Cheng Qianli said. "I hid it in my pants pocket, just like you."

He was smiling, but was likely also in agony—this smile was particularly hideous.

Cheng Yixie’s head inched down, and he saw a dagger stuck in Cheng Qianli’s chest. Bright red blood was flowing like a babbling brook down his chest, soaking his clothes and puddling on the ground.

Cheng Yixie saw that dagger, and felt himself reeling. He opened his mouth to say something, but the image before him appeared to have utterly stolen his ability to talk. He couldn't say anything, and his body slowly slumped forward.

"Ge…it hurts…" Cheng Qianli collapsed in Cheng Yixie's arms, black eyes big and staring. His pupils reflected Cheng Yixie's figure. He called, "Ge…"

"Aah…Aaaah!!" A wretched scream came out of his mouth, and Cheng Yixie could only watch as Cheng Qianli's breaths grew fainter. The roar of the monster behind him came from a spot directly over Cheng Yixie's head, but Cheng Yixie didn't turn around. The monster lunged at him and—

A black shadow enveloped Cheng Yixie. He ought to have been torn to pieces by the monster, but a faint sheen of light was emanating from his body. It partitioned the monster's attack directly away from him.

In Cheng Yixie's arms, Cheng Qianli's chest had stopped moving. With a numb expression Cheng Yixie turned around, spotting that huge black door behind the monster. He saw that door and stumbled to his feet with Cheng Qianli in his arms. He made a run for that door, unlocking it with the key drenched in blood. He still wanted to see Cheng Qianli again. There were still so many things he hadn't said to him.

Cheng Yixie sprinted out that tunnel like he had gone crazy, grabbing the Cheng Qianli outside in an embrace. The moment Cheng Qianli offered him a smile, mouthful after mouthful of blood began pouring out of Cheng Qianli's mouth. Cheng Qianli touched his face, called him Ge, told him not be sad.

Cheng Yixie was wailing. His Qianli, this was his Qianli—the kid he loved the most still hadn't been able to grow up. Hadn't even passed his eighteenth birthday. Certainly hadn't gotten to see all the beautiful sceneries of the world like he'd hoped.

What came afterwards, Cheng Yixie didn't really remember. He didn't really remember how he got through that time. By the time he came back to himself, he'd already left Obsidian, and was crossing doors with Zhuo Feiquan.

Zhuo Feiquan, like him, was a person left behind at the end of the world. Zhuo Feiquan no longer had a sister, and Cheng Yixie no longer had a brother. Zhuo Feiquan's luck was just a lot better than Cheng Yixie's, that's all—he had a pendant that his sister's soul laid in.

"Hey, you're not planning on getting me killed inside the doors and stealing my pendant, are you?" Zhuo Feiquan spoke frankly. "I'm telling you, I'm hardy as hell."

Cheng Yixie looked at him, answering faintly, "forget it. I thought about it, but it's better not to do it."

"Why not?" Zhuo Feiquan asked.

"I'm afraid he'll have to pay for the bad things I do again." Cheng Yixie's tone was cold. "Look, isn't that the case now?"

He didn't even dare to die, because his life had been traded in for Qianli's. That little fool had to be smart just this once, but this one time was all it took to torture him to death and back.

Zhuo Feiquan threw back his head and laughed.

To have experienced the same pain of losing family, the two actually had an odd resonance. Only those days didn't last. Zhuo Feiquan died in his own tenth door, and before dying, he placed his pendant in Cheng Yixie's hand. He didn't say anything, because both of them already knew.

Cheng Yixie clutched the pendant that Zhuo Feiquan gave him and managed a smile, meaning he had accepted Zhuo Feiquan's good will.

Once he had the pendant, Cheng Yixie wondered if he should use it to summon Cheng Qianli. But after thinking about it, he didn't do it. Because he remembered that Cheng Qianli was scared of ghosts.

If he wasn't there, Cheng Qianli could only wait around inside the doors. That was probably another kind of torture.

Cheng Yixie wouldn't do that to him.

The days went on one at a time. So Cheng Yixie thought that this would be the end of his and Cheng Qianli's story. He still went through doors in a state of numbness. He might die inside one of these days, but to the him right now, death seemed more like a merciful blessing and escape.

This continued on like this until Cheng Yixie went into his own eleventh door.

In his eleventh door, when he saw Tan Zaozao on television, Cheng Yixie became conscious of something. He left the hospital that he'd entered the door through in a hurry. He went back to his house and knocked on that familiar door.

Moments later, the door opened to reveal a face completely identical to his. And when he saw Cheng Yixie, he looked on with a stunned expression.

Cheng Yixie began to laugh, ignoring Cheng Qianli's shock completely and wrapping him up in a hug. He said, "idiot, Gege's been looking for you for such a long time." I thought that once I'd lost you, I would never get you back.

Good thing that now, he was finally found.

And since he was found, staying in this illusory world of the door seemed to be…not all that bad.

The once-split soul merged back together then, from two to one, just like the moment they were birthed from their mother's body. A satisfied smile appeared on Cheng Yixie's face. He dried the tears at the corners of his eyes and watched as the sun outside the window slowly descended beneath the horizon.

Translator’s Note:

Look, I need those of you who have even a passing understanding of Chinese to suffer this passage with me: 程一榭嚎啕大哭，他的千里，他的千里啊——他心愛的小孩還是沒能長大. The original is simply “HIs Qianli, his Qianli ah...” Just a fucking WAIL. Like me. Just fucking head back, sobbing at the ceiling.

[Extra: Twin Lives, Twin Deaths(2)] | [Extra: Bai Ming and Zhang Yiqing]

[haechanniesunflowers]

y/n slaps yandere!Ateez during an argument

Warnings: this kind of behaviour is sick and you shouldn't take inspiration from it. I do not support it, none of us support it or should support it. It is wrong in every way.

Mentions of blood, rage, extreme violence, gore, brutality

Requested by @btsxgx

Hongjoong

He has one rule you must remember all the time, you are not allowed to touch him without his permission, he hates being touched

You want to hold his hand? Ask him. You want to wake him up from a nap? Call his name. But you do not touch him without his permission or else he will punish you and he's a masochistic psycho so you better keep your hands to yourself

Today was a bad day for him and he was taking it out on you. He was humiliating you for no good reason even though you were on your best behaviour for him. His words were getting unbearable and then you snapped and argued back

He was stunned because you never raise your voice at him so he got physical and started pushing you harshly

In an attempt to stop him your palm landed across his jaw and suddenly everything was quite, all you could hear was your heart thumping because you had just touched him

He grabbed you by your neck and shoved you to the ground on your back and stepped on you with one foot on your ribcage

He was putting too much pressure

Hongjoong made you look at him and "you want to hurt me? That's why you hit me? Your weak hands won't do it, let me do it for you" and he started hitting his face

You tried stopping him and apologized but he wasn't having it

You had touched him and now this was your punishment, he'd hurt himself and blame it on you

Seonghwa

He's a possessive yandere so don't even think about meeting your friends

But you still kinda wanted to meet your friends so you did that, without him knowing because he was busy at work

y/n's luck really ran out today huh? Because you just came back home after having the time of your life catching up with friends and umm... is that Seonghwa in the kitchen? yes honey and I'm so sorry

"you're home early" you started the conversation and back hugged him

"yeah my students finished with their vocal lessons early so I decided to come home to spend some time with you but I guess you were out whoring around with those pathetic sluts you call friends" he said in a sweet voice but you were taken aback by his words

You let him go and tried distancing yourself from him but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to his chest and kissed you

You resisted and accidentally hit his face and you could feel him staring to breathe heavily

He stopped kissing you and pushed you towards the counter and grabbed your hand and smashed it on it several times

You were screaming your head off so he chocked you with his other hand

By the time he was done, your hand was purple, yellow and blue and two of your fingers were bent the other way, the joints completely broken. You felt dizzy and threw up

"oh no sweetheart are you okay? you should go sit on the couch I'll make some soup for you maybe you'll feel better" he cooed as if he didn't just violently break your hand

You screamed and begged for him to take you to a hospital and he took your hand in his and squeezed it while staring at you lovingly and said "of course sweetheart, afterall your stupid friends hurt your beautiful hand and I'll tell the doctor about that, maybe he'll tell you not to see them again. And then I'll report them to the police, look at how brutal those bitches are, did they really have to break your hand?" he said and took you to the hospital (yikes)

Yunho

Remember that episode of powerpuff girls in which the girls time travel to the future and the whole town is ruined because they weren't there to save them and everyone's old and keeps saying "it's your fault". That's Yunho. Everything is your fault and he'll cry over it and if you deny or leave, he'll end up in the ER.

Please explain to him why you were excitedly thanking the cashier for the store restocking your favorite moisturiser because girl you were obviously cheating on him like that *rolls eyes*

You guys got in the car and drive off and suddenly Yunho inquires about the incident with tears in his eyes "you're going to leave me for him aren't you"

He starts whining and crying and you're scared because he's almost overspending so you slap him to bring him to his senses and ge stops the car

"y-you hit me? It's because you hate me now isn't it? You love that man and now you're going to hit me to make me feel worthless" he says but you answer with a wth because you're fed up of his jealousy and he presses the gas pedal and starts driving recklessly

You start apologizing and reassuring him that you aren't going to leave him and that you love him too much to do so, even though the relationship was exhausting but you had to say this to save your life right now

Yunho stopped the car again and hugged you and smirked to himself

"haha works every time" he thought to himself

Yeosang

His silence speaks volumes

He's the unpredictable kind

So when you slapped him for constantly scolding you for saying no to his stupid plan of going to Jongho's house to watch movies he left you alone and went on his own

But he didn't come back home for the next couple of days

You were ecstatic because "yes finally now I can have some time to myself" but days turned into weeks and now he hadn't contacted you or come home for a month and as much as you hate to admit it, you were worried so you called Jongho and asked him about your boyfriend but Jongho said he hasn't spoken to Yeosang for over a month and revealed that he didn't come to his home to watch movies the day you had the argument with him

You called all his friends but they all said they didn't know where he was

You were scared and guilty and cried

You went to the police station to file a missing report and a search for Kang Yeosang began

The police searched everywhere for him for a few weeks but there was no sign of him

Until one day, a month after the search began and you were starting to lose hope, he came back home

You asked him where he was and he told you he was home

You told him to stop playing with you and demanded to know where he went and why he left you alone

"I just told you I was home, I saw how worried you got and how you cried for me. I saw you sleeping on the couch and in our bed, waiting for any lead for me"

You were terrified of what he said because all of that was true but you knew for a fact that he wasn't home so how did he know all this

"what's going on Yeosang?" you ask him in fear

He just smiled and sat on the couch and turned the TV on

You came to sit next to him and there was silence for some time until he said "y/n? Next time try to hit me, there will be a search party for you"

San

The brutal sadist

You knew better than to get on his nerves because he switches from his usual sweet doting personality to a violent mad man

But you were on your period and everything was making you angry

San was feeling horny and wanted you but you didn't want him to come near you

You were beyond angry when he didn't stop and kept kissing you and trying to undress you, so you slapped him

San caressed his cheek and laughed a little and you knew you've done fucked up

You instantly start apologizing but San kept laughing with his hand still on his cheek

"kinky. do that again" he said

But you didn't want to do that again so you kept telling him how sorry you were and that you wanted him

He looked at you and smiled and said "I said, do. that. again." you were crying at this point

The next thing you knew, San was dragging you out the room by your arm and took you to the basement where he kept his tools. You were still apologizing in hopes of him going easy on you

He fixed your arm in one of the machines (the one which Ester uses to break her arm in the movie Orphan) and kept going until you heard the sound of your broken bones

San started slapping you and you were begging for mercy at this point

He was completely out of it and looked like he would kill you right then and there

You woke up in a hospital bed and heard the doctor telling San that "your girlfriend needs to see a psychiatrist because if she has hurt herself like that now, who knows what she would do to herself in the future"

The doctor came to check you and San held your hand "honey I was so scared! why did you hurt yourself like that. You didn't even think what I would go through, you know I can't see you in pain"

You felt tears escaping

Mingi

Mingi had just insulted your sister for visiting you and kicked her out of the house

You were furious and argued with him about it and he just said "I hate her, so she shouldn't come here where I can see her"

You said "well I hate your bitchass friends and family too, they shouldn't come here either where I can see them"

He started using slurs against your family and you slapped him out of anger

He quickly pushed you towards the wall and punched you

Your lips were bleeding but he wasn't done

He said he'd do the same to your sister she ever comes here again

You protested and called him out but he punched you again, this time drawing blood from your nose

You really didn't think Mingi would ever hit you like this but he just did and you wanted to run out of the house, away from him

But he grabbed your leg as soon as you tried to get out of the room and got on top of you

"you're really getting on my nerves today bitch"

He punched you one more time and you fainted

Wooyoung

Wooyoung is the brat tamer kind and that's what you were being right now, a brat

You wanted to leave the house and go shopping but he wasn't in the mood to go out and you weren't allowed to go without him

So you started whining

He was getting annoyed and warned you

But you had a death wish of some sort and kept whining

He had had enough and started being rough with you to stop you

You protested and accidentally slapped him

You really outdid yourself and now you were in for it

He dragged you to his room, tied your limbs and ripped your clothes off

"now I'm going to punish you for what you've done baby girl and you're going to count for me"

You tried to keep yourself composed

The whip stung your back and you screamed

"that isn't a number I hear, let's start again"

Jongho

Jongho didn't like to use his strength against you under any circumstances

He loved you too much and felt that he needed to protect you

You were happy with him but sometimes he was too much

He just told you that you are forbidden from seeing your male friend again because Jongho got the vibe that he was interested in you

You told him he was thinking too much and that your friend didn't really like you like that

But he said "no means no, you're not going to meet him again"

You were angry at him because you had to meet that friend in less than an hour "how am I going to explain this to him"?

"tell him you don't want to see him, if he's smart he'll get the message" Jongho replied

"Jongho you're being unreasonable and stupid" you said and he came to stand in front of you with his arms folded on his chest

You hated that he was challenging you right now so you slapped him

He didn't even budge because your slap was nothing compared to what he could do and he didn't want to slap you

But as payback, he forcefully took your phone and called your friend

"you make my girlfriend uncomfortable, don't ever try contacting her or meeting her again if you know what's good for you" he said on the phone

You were embarrassed and annoyed

[sofee-d]

Crossing the Line

Short Summary: You dealing with an annoying Sejun who won’t stop teasing you and the aftermath...

Pairing: Im Sejun (Victon) x Fem!Reader ft. Byungchan & Subin

Warnings: Angst, Smut (18+), swearing

Key Words: misunderstandings, conflict, playful teasing, cocky Sejun

Word Count: 3417

࿏

After becoming close friends with Hanse, your best friends beloved boyfriend, it was a natural occurance for you to hang out at the dorm even when your friend or Hanse wasn’t there. Most of the time you would be bored out of your mind and decide to drop by the dorm to kill some time playing games or stuffing your face with some unhealthy snacks Sejun always seems to have lying around. 

You would describe your relationship with Sejun as complicated. With the endless bickering, snarky comments and even some flirty teasing neither of you wanted to admit having feelings for the other. Funnily enough all the boys somehow knew and disapproved of your childish antics. The way he drove you mad just to see your reactions or the way you would steal his food just to spite him was both hilarious and kinda sad to the other boys.

Essentially it was supposed to be just another day with the boys when you decided to drop by their dorm after being invited to see the new game Subin bought recently. It had just been barely an hour that you came in with some pastries and coffee you bought for everyone and started playing Subin’s new 4 player game with Byungchan and Subin that Sejun started being annoying. He was putting in the extra effort that day for some reason you didn’t understand as he was trying to distract you or block your view of the TV to make you lose the game.

‘‘If you don’t cut that out I swear...’‘ you said while trying to push his arms away with your elbow. 

‘‘You’d do what? Beat me up?’‘ Sejun laughed. ‘‘We both know you can’t possibly hurt me Y/N.’‘ he said, you could feel the smirk on his face even when your eyes were glued to the screen.

‘’Can you two like confess to each other and date already so we don’t have go through a World War whenever Y/N comes around?’’ Byungchan said as he rolled his eyes disapprovingly.

‘‘Yeah you guys are so lame, acting like high school kids.’‘ Subin agreed with a laugh.

You could feel the embarrassment creeping up from within you but before you had the chance to deny their completely groundless accusations Sejun beat you to it.

‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’ Sejun smacked both of their heads lightly, his eyes getting big slightly from the shock of their bluntness and he continued; ‘’I only tease Y/N like that because I see her as one of the boys. Why would I like her, that’s ridiculous. But she probably has a crush on me. I mean I wouldn’t blame her.’’ 

You suddenly stopped the game and saw the most smug, unapologetic expression on this face. You were shocked and overwhelmed with different emotions as you registered what he just said and added the disturbing expression in your head. Anger and sadness started mixing up inside you as you wanted to yell at him and cuss him out but nothing was coming out of your mouth.

Byungchan and Subin stopped their game abrupty as well and stared at each other for a few seconds then immediately got up and left the living room as they anticipated the conflict that was about to occur.

Sejun’s expression changed from smug to concerned and then to apologetic as he was staring at you, waiting for what you had to say. After you suddenly stood up and started gathering your things Sejun realized the weight of his mistake. 

‘‘Hey Y/N it was a joke don’t leave ok?’‘ you barely heard him say with a small voice.

‘‘I’m leaving.’‘ that was all you said without even looking at his face as you strided to the door as fast as possible. Just as you quickly put your shoes on and opened the door you felt his hand on your forearm.

‘‘Y/N... I’m sorry.’‘ he said with a gentle tone. You couldn’t even bring yourself to turn around and look at him. Because if you did then all of the hurt he caused you would go away with one look and a simple apology.

This wasn’t the first time he made such comments in front of the boys. Whenever one of them would say something snarky about you two dating he would put all the blame on you and make it seem like you’re pining for him when he doesn’t even care about you. Even though it was always him initiating the teasing or picking fights with you out of nowhere.

‘‘Let go.’‘ you said while shaking his hand off and going out of the door without even glancing back. You just wanted to get home as soon as possible and deal with these ridiculous feelings Sejun always seems to cause you to have.

After hearing the door being slammed Byungchan and Subin came back to the living room to find a defeated Sejun, still staring at the door a little bit in shock of how fast things escalated.

‘‘You do realize you were an absolute dick right?’‘ Byungchan was the first one to speak.

‘‘Yeah hyung, why did you say those things? Don’t you like her?’‘ Subin continued, concerned.

‘‘I know, I know. I was an asshole. Hell, I am an asshole. I thought I was protecting our friendship when I denied all that you guys said. I thought things wouldn’t be the same between us once we cross that line... I was wrong.’’ Sejun said looking regretful.

He came to a sudden realization and started putting his shoes on getting ready to leave.

‘‘Where are you going?’‘ Byungchan asked.

‘‘I’m going after her. I’m gonna make it right and tell her the truth.’‘ Sejun said smiling slightly feeling hopeful.

Byungchan and Subin watched as Sejun took off in a rush with a sheepish grin on their faces as if to say ‘’It was about time’’.

࿏

You were in the process of making some hot chocolate to calm yourself down when you heard your door ring. When you looked through the peephole you found a panting Sejun, much to your dismay.

‘‘Come on Y/N! You need to hear me out. Please...’‘ you heard him say through the door, his voice getting smaller by the end.

You decided to open the door since he followed you all the way to your house. As soon as the door got opened Sejun rushed inside.

‘‘What the hell are you doing at my house Sejun?’‘ you spoke making eye contact with him for the first time since your conflict.

You could tell he noticed as his expression softened when he caught your gaze.

‘‘I’m here to apologize. Also to make this right.’’ he said, then pausing to take a deep breath he continued; ‘’I’m sorry Y/N, for treating you like that. I just didn’t want things to be awkward between us. I was being a selfish dick. You have every right to be mad at me. But I’ll make it up to you. You’ll see.’‘ by the end of his sentence that boyish smirk he always has when he challanges you was back with his cute dimples to accompany it.

Unvoluntarily your mouth started forming the shape of a smile and he caught it instantly.

‘‘You’re not mad at me anymore right?’‘ he said giving you a full display of his dimples, smiling from ear to ear. 

How could you stay mad at this ridiculously handsome fool, he knew exactly what he was doing to you. Suddenly realizing the power he holds over you, you decided to focus more on the hot chocolate you left unattended on the counter of your kitchen.

‘‘Hey, why are you ignoring me? I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore?’‘ he said while following you to the kitchen. You could see him pouting a little bit from the corner of your eye but you were not directly facing him.

‘‘But one thing I said there was true though. You really do like me.’‘ you could hear him smile through his voice during that last part even when you weren’t facing him.

‘‘How delusional are you Sejun? Not everyone in the World has a crush on you ok?’‘ you retorted back still not making direct eye contact.

Taking your indifference as a challenge Sejun decided to turn you around and put his face really close to yours to force you to look at him all the while having a sheepish grin on his face.

‘‘See! You like me. You can’t even look at me. I’ve never seen you avert your eyes from someone before.’‘ he said, getting even closer to your face and finally managing to make you look at him. 

With that last statement you realized that he was paying more attention to you than you thought. You stared at each other only for a few seconds, trying to read each others expressions. Unlike his previous sheepish grin Sejun looked somewhat serious which made you feel sort of confused. It was you who broke the trance first.

‘’No! I said I don’t like you!’’ You did the only thing you could think of and pushed him away, a little bit harshly. Which caused him to unwillingly take a few steps back from you. He seemed almost hurt and a little bit shocked about your reaction. But suddenly you saw his expression change from somewhat sad and confused to that cocky smirk you hated.

As if something inside of him snapped, he took quick strides towards you and took you by the waist. Without giving you time to react he placed his hands on the sides of your face and locked his lips to yours.

To say that you were shocked would be an understatement. Your brain was still registering what was going on while your body acted faster. One second Sejun was making fun of you for liking him and the next, he was kissing you. And you were kissing him back.

The only thing you could focus on was his warm lips feeling soft against your own. He was uncharacteristically being very gentle with you. You started to ease more into kiss, placing your hands on his shoulders while his hands rested on your waist, slowly pulling you more into himself. It was Sejun who pulled away first, wearing a warm smile this time instead of his previous smirk.

‘‘Why haven’t we done this before?’‘ he said still holding onto your waist and lightly laughing a little bit, which also made you giggle.

‘‘Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you’re a jerk?’‘ you replied suddenly feeling more confident.

Closing his eyes he bonded his lips with you again as if to shut you up. But this time it was more passionate than gentle. Your lips parted slightly, your tongue lightly touching his lower lip was like an invitation to go further so he deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to dip into your mouth to blend with yours.

Now that your lips were moving in unison Sejun brought a feeling of urgency as his hands trailed on the sides of your arms. Things were getting more heated by the second as you completely abandoned all rational thought. Sejun was pulling you impossibly close to himself with one hand while his other hand was gently holding your neck. You felt a shiver going up your spine as you felt his large bulge poking you.

As you seperated for a second, seeing each other breathing heavily, hot and bothered, he suddenly lifted you up princess style.

‘‘Sejun! What are you doing?’‘ you giggled, almost getting high from the adrenalline.

He returned your laugh but replied back by kissing you again with even more fervor as he carried you to what he believed to be your bedroom.

‘’Sejun this is the bathroom! Bedroom is this way, god you’ve been in my house how many times already!’‘ you exclaimed while laughing, still giddy from all the excitement.

‘‘Well you could say that you take my breath away babe, I have lost my sense of direction.’‘ he replied winking at you and giving you a charming smile.

You lightly hit his chest and said; ‘’Ew! don’t say that!’’ making a disgusted face but failing to hide your smile.

Your lips locked again as if they stayed far apart for too long. You could tell you finally arrived to your bedroom but Sejun failed to turn you away at the right time while going through the door so your legs hit the door slightly earning a low ‘’OW!’’ from you.

‘‘Sorry, sorry my bad’‘ he said pulling back slightly with a smile then going back to kiss you again, wasting no time.

Sejun dropped you softly on your bed with a bouncy sound. Just as you thought he would jump on you he started staring at you for a little bit with a dreamy look on his face, seemingly mesmerized by what he was seeing.

‘‘What are you doing?’‘ you asked getting a bit self-conscious.

‘‘I’m just etching this memory into my mind. Enjoying it fully.’‘ he said smiling and showing his dimples again. He slowly started coming towards you on the bed while speaking with a soft seductive tone; ‘‘Look at you. So ready for me on your bed.’‘

You were starting to get more frustrated as Sejun climbed on top of you on the bed and removed your shirt leaving you only in your bra. The hungry look on his face as he stared at you was enough to drive you over the edge. You started toying with his shirt, wanting him to take it off too. But he caught your hands with his and said; 

‘‘If you want me to take my shirt off you have to earn it sweetheart.’‘ causing a low growl to escape from your lips making you more frustrated than you already were.

Resuming kissing once more, he pulled back for a second and muttered; ‘‘So beautiful.’‘ while staring directly at your dishevelled half naked state. Sejun pressed his lips against yours again, kissing you deeply. His hand started travelling from your shoulder to your chest. He was playing with the hook of your bra when you felt it coming off. His hands were now on your boobs, caressing them and massaging them, at the same time earning satisfied moans from you. Then his hand started travelling through your stomach making you shiver and rested on your hip, causing a small whimper to escape from your lips.

He suddenly pulled back and said; ‘‘Don’t expect me to hold back if you’re making sounds like that.’‘ with the most serious expression you had seen from him.

You weren’t used to this side of Sejun. He was usually silly and seeing him constantly stuffing his face with food every few hours, it was hard to take him seriously at times. However the Sejun in front of you, immediatelly asserting his dominance with the sultry look on his face was incredibly sexy.

Taking your silence as an agreement he proceeded to play with the waistband of your tiny pajama shorts while keeping his eyes on you the whole time. Your breath hitched as he pulled down your shorts with one swift motion, revealing your panties to display. You saw him take a big gulp as he gave you a once over, being sprawled out before him half naked, waiting to be devoured.

‘‘Fuck, you’re so pretty.’‘ he said suddenly. ‘‘And so wet for me already.’‘ he continued as his hands drew closer to the obvious dark spot on your panties.

‘‘I told you I’d make it up to you, didn’t I?’‘ he muttered, with a devilish look on his face.

Sejun’s fingers slowly parted your panties and slid between your legs causing you to softly moan at the feel of your wet with desire. “Mmmm,” you purred while enjoying the feel of his fingers sliding through your folds. Suddenly Sejun pulled both of your legs to himself and did a quick kitty lick at your slit which made you jump at the sudden contact of his tongue. You sucked in a slow breath feeling his warm tongue push into you. He was staring at you the whole time, eyes darkened with passion. 

You coudn’t help but moan his name while he was working his magic with his tongue. He was truly skilled at this. Watching your reactions carefully, he found the perfect spot to drive you wild and slowly added in a finger while his tongue continued to swirl around in your folds. Another moan escaped your lips with the growing ripple of heat radiating deep within your abdomen. ‘’I’m close Sejun, don’t stop.’’ you managed to get the words out barely.

With a pleased look on his face; ‘’That’s right, come for me baby.’’ he said as he continued to pump 2 fingers into you, while his other hand was teasing your breasts. Your orgasm soon came rushing like a wave as your body started shaking. Breathing heavily, you smiled at Sejun in pure pleasure.

‘‘Since you listened to me well I’ll do you a favor.’‘ Sejun said, removing his shirt quickly.

Now it was your time to gulp while staring at his sculpted body. You leaned forward and touched his chest, causing him to visibly shiver under your touch. You could feel his warmth and his heart thundering under his chest. He was looking into your eyes with such desire that it was hypnotising. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

With your growing confidence your hands found his bulge under his sweatpants. He was so hot and throbbing under your touch as you pumped him one time. Closing his eyes, a soft moan escaped his lips. But his hands suddenly caught yours and stopped you from exploring further.

‘‘I’m afraid we don’t have time for that sweetheart. I need to be inside you now.’‘ he said with an almost pained expression.

That was your cue to fetch a condom from the small cupboard near your bed. You were in a rush to open the packet but you were unable to do it. Sejun had to take it from you and open it himself. Finally ridding himself of his sweatpants and boxers, he slid the condom on his hard-on.

‘‘How do you want me?’‘ you found yourself asking which caused Sejun to raise an eyebrow.

‘‘You can’t wait to be fucked can you?’‘ he laughed in a devilish way and instructed; ‘‘On your hands and knees.’‘

You followed his instructions and soon felt him push deeply into you. He easily slid in all thanks to your previous orgasm, he couldn’t help the groan of pleasure at the warmth of your walls holding against him as he started moving.

‘‘Fuck Y/N! You’re so tight. At this rate I’m not gonna last long.’‘ he exlaimed with a grunt.

Changing positions and facing each other this time, he pinned your hands above your head on the headboard as he slid into you once again, causing both of you to moan. As he pumped into you, his eyes not leaving yours, he felt your muscles clench around him causing a soft growl in his throat. Settling on a steady rhythm, series of curse words dropped from both his and your mouth.

You could tell he was close to his climax from the way his thrusts got messier each time. Feeling pleasure rebuild inside you for the second time, you gave him a look as if to say you were about to come.

‘‘I know baby, I’m close too. Let’s come together.’‘ he could get out barely, breathlessly.

When he finally released with a low grunt you also felt your orgasm coming too. In moments you let out a final moan with his name and both of you collasped on the bed together. Breathing heavily you stared at each other through hooded eyes. Sweat was glistening on both of your bodies and at that moment you were both truly content.

‘‘Fuck that was amazing! Let’s do it everyday!’‘ Sejun suddenly said breaking the silence and smiling like a happy fool. You lightly punched his arm, smiling as well.

‘‘Also, just telling you this in case it wasn’t obvious but... I’m crazy about you Y/N. Let’s stop being kids and be together.’‘ Sejun spoke softly showing you a dimpled smile while lightly caressing your cheek.

‘‘Yeah, let’s be together.’‘ you agreed with a sweet smile.

[detectiveriley]

oh, because i love you (Geraskier Mini-Fic for Witcher Bog Exchange)

This is a mini-exchange gift for @stinastar​! I hope you like it lovely!

Archive link here

Rating: Teen and up audiences Fandom: The Witcher (all media types) Relationship: Geralt/Jaskier Additional Tags: Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Getting Together, Sleepy Cuddles, Canon-Typical Violence

Description: It was incredibly stupid, Jaskier realizes belatedly, to go wandering around the abandoned ruins, at night, alone. To his relief, Geralt comes to his rescue. Jaskier hasn't seen Geralt in full witcher mode before, but it's Geralt. He'll get used to it. But he's not sure what to make of the conversation that follows.

Story under the cut!

 All of the air left Jaskier’s body as the sonic shriek threw him all the way across the stone circle. He slammed into the wall before tumbling to the ground. Pain radiated from everywhere, and he was pretty sure he was bleeding. It had been incredibly stupid, Jaskier realized belatedly, to wander out near the abandoned ruins, at night, alone.

 It hadn’t been his plan, originally. They had just made camp near the town where there was supposed to be work. But Geralt had been busy doing his witcher-ing, and Jaskier had gotten bored. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy watching Geralt working. On the contrary, Jaskier enjoyed the way Geralt carefully sharpened his swords, and sorted his potions with calloused fingers. But Jaskier could imagine plenty of other things Geralt could be doing with his hands. Things that Geralt probably wouldn’t approve of. So that night, before his trousers got any tighter, Jaskier excused himself to go on a walk and clear his head. He didn’t think Geralt had even noticed.

 That was how Jaskier had ended up all alone, facing off against a monster. He had nothing with which to defend himself, not even his lute. The thing, which looked like a young woman but wasn’t, had caught him off-guard.

 She was watching him now, with a bone-chilling smile and hungry eyes. Jaskier struggled to prop himself up. His ribs, along with the rest of him, twinged in protest. The collision with the crumbling stone wall hadn’t finished him off, but it seemed likely that the she-beast would. His vision swam and he groaned, blinking.

 When his eyes focused again, there was a shadow above him. Craning his neck, he saw a black mass, underneath a halo of white. Then it turned, and Jaskier’s heart skipped.

 “Ge-r-ralt,” he managed, his lips curling into a bloody smile, maybe Jaskier should have been frightened. He’d never seen Geralt like this before- eyes pitch black, dark veins reaching out around them across his pale, mottled skin. He could see now where the rumors came from- that witchers were monsters, half-breeds of some dark magic that bound the flesh of beasts to human bone. If he did not know Geralt, perhaps he would have been petrified. Perhaps he would have screamed.

 But Jaskier had never been more relieved.

 Now that he was no longer facing certain death, Jaskier faded in and out of consciousness. Dimly, he heard the sounds of fierce combat, the monster shrieking and Geralt grunting with effort. His eyes flew open when Geralt landed next to  him, shouting in pain and anger.

 “G’ralt?” he slurred, even as darkness crept in around the edges of his vision.

 “M’fine,” the witcher growled, shaking his head and crouching to strike again. “Stay down.”

 Jaskier obeyed gladly. Geralt was there now, he was safe. Probably. He sent a quick prayer up to Melitele with his last conscious thought before darkness claimed him.

 ~

 When Jaskier awoke again, he was no longer splayed against the cold, hard rock or the ruin’s floor. He was in bed. He was still in pain, but marginally less so. And he wasn’t alone.

 Geralt was watching him like a hawk. He looked… not great. His potions, whatever they were, had since worn off, and he looked like himself again. But he looked like he hadn’t slept.

 Jaskier tried to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse cough. Wordlessly, Geralt handed him a glass of water from the bedside table. He waited as Jaskier downed it greedily. He didn’t remember being so thirsty at the ruins.

 “How long was I out?” he wondered aloud.

 “A day and a half,” Geralt answered, “You went down pretty hard.”

 Wincing, Jaskier nodded. “I was there, I remember.”

 “How do you feel?”

 Geralt’s brow was furrowed with concern. Jaskier straightened and assured him, “I feel fine. Could be worse. But we’re both alive! And safe.”

 Geralt tensed at that, and Jaskier held his breath.      Here it comes    , he thought. The dreaded lecture about himself in harm’s way, and how he couldn’t always rely on Geralt to rescue him.

 Instead, Geralt simply said, “You didn’t look afraid.”

 Jaskier tilted his head. “Well, I      was,     but when you showed up… then I knew I’d be alright.”

 “No.” Geralt’s voice was abnormally soft, and he was looking down at his hands. “I meant that you didn’t look like you were afraid of me.”

 Jaskier blinked. Then he laughed. “Why would I- I’ve never been afraid of you, why would I have been afraid?”

 Geralt seemed to shrink. “The way I looked that night, at the ruins…” He trailed off. After a long moment, Geralt added, “I’m a monster.”

 Jaskier scoffed. “Are not.”

 “Jaskier…”

 “You are not! The only monster there that night was the thing that actively tried to kill me, and you saved me. That makes you a hero.”

 “That’s not what everyone else thinks.”

 Jaskier furrowed his brow. “I don’t give a flying fuck what everyone else thinks.”

 Geralt actually laughed at that. Jaskier smiled back. He knew that the witcher could be hard on himself, and it broke Jaskier’s heart. The idea that Geralt thought Jaskier should be afraid of him was unbearable.

 The bard hesitated. Perhaps he was still bleary from sleep, perhaps it was a concussion. He wasn’t sure he should say what he wanted to say next. But he’d be damned if he said nothing.

 “I hope you know that, no matter what- black, witcher-y eyes, covered in monster guts or blood- that you’ll always be Geralt to me.” He reached out to take Geralt’s hand in his own. “      My    Geralt. Do you understand?”

 The witcher nodded curtly. “I think so.” After a moment, he continued. “Witchers… don’t get happy endings,” he said, his voice low and tender, “We age, we slow, and we die, in combat usually. I don’t know what end awaits me, but… I didn’t think I’d make any friends between now and then.”

 Jaskier swallowed. Right.      Friends    . He moved to pull away, but Geralt’s grip on his hand tightened. Geralt turned it over so their palms were pressed together. “I used to think… Hmm. Fuck.”

 Jaskier smiled gently. There was that gruff but earnest spirit that had endeared the witcher so closely to Jaskier’s heart. He stroked the back of Geralt’s hand with his thumb. “Take your time.”

 After another few minutes, Geralt spoke again. “I thought once that you just followed me for inspiration, and stayed for coin. And I let you, because… well, you didn’t leave me much choice.” They both chuckled at that. “But… you’ve given me more than I deserve.”

 Tilting his head, Jaskier asked, “How so?”

 “You’ve become… someone I care for,” Geralt offered quietly, “which most witcher’s don’t have the luxury of. But… you seem to care for me, too. More than I’ve earned. In equal measure.”

 “Oh, Geralt,” Jaskier sighed, leaning forward to cup Geralt’s cheek with his free hand. “I care for you quite a bit more than that.”

 Geralt’s eyes fluttered shut, and he leaned into Jaskier’s touch, humming. It was closer than they’d ever been, and Jaskier’s heart quickened at the thought of it.

 Geralt noticed immediately. Gingerly, he placed Jaskier’s hand back at his side. “Get some rest. We can continue this when you’re better.”

 “You should, too,” Jaskier admonished, “I adore you, dear heart, but you look like shit.”

 Geralt smirked, chuckling in response. “That’s nothing new.”

 Jaskier’s eyes softened. “But really, when was the last time you slept?” When Geralt didn’t answer for a few moments, Jaskier sighed and adjusted himself, scooting to the far side of the bed, before patting the space beside him. “All right, come on then.” Geralt hesitated, and Jaskier added, “It doesn't have to mean anything. Just rest. You very obviously need it.”

 Geralt sighed before relenting, laying down next to Jaskier with care so as not to aggravate the bard’s injuries. To Jaskier’s surprise, Geralt threw an arm around Jaskier’s shoulders and pulled him in. When Jaskier gave him a look, Geralt sighed.

 “I almost lost you back there,” he murmured, “so I’ve gotta keep an eye on you. Keep you out of trouble.”

 Jaskier laughed. “Obviously. You’ll stay with me then?”

 “Always.”

fin  

[ibijau]

Lapse in memory pt 3 / on AO3

aka the fic where nhs is cursed into amnesia a few years post canon, and came to lxc for help

The worst part of Nie Huaisang’s amnesia, Lan Xichen soon decided, was the realisation that he should have seen long ago that there was something wrong with Nie Mingjue’s little brother.

Although the other man had apparently always possessed frightening self control which made it difficult to know how much his current loss of memory impacted him, he used that control in a manner very different from what he had done after the death of his brother. Instead of displaying eternal sorrow and helplessness, Nie Huaisang was acting exactly the same as he had done before his life took a turn for the worst. He smiled, and chatted with people as if things were perfectly fine, only to break down once alone with Lan Xichen, asking when this person had died, whether that remark had been a joke or a reference to a true event. 

If he hadn't known better, if he hadn't been shown the other side Lan Xichen might have fallen for that new comedy as he had fallen for the old one. Nie Huaisang was good at this.

In fact, as Lan Xichen started remembering over the following days, he was good at many things. 

For example Nie Huaisang was smart, it turned out. After a decade of lies, Lan Xichen had forgotten that, too used to a man who barely managed to pick his own outfits without needing three different opinions, and would make four mistakes in a two digit addition. And indeed, when it came to cultivation, or when Wei Wuxian tried to discuss his ideas about what curse might have hit him, Nie Huaisang was clearly lost. But when the topic interested him, when someone mentioned art or literature, he spoke expertly and always made excellent points. 

Because he had his own duties to attend, and he aimed at being a better sect leader than he had been in the past, Lan Xichen spent little time with Nie Huaisang at first, and thus rarely enjoyed his conversation. Since the other man couldn’t be allowed to wander freely when there was still the possibility that all this was only a deception, Lan Xichen assigned one of his young disciples he trusted the most to stay with Nie Huaisang and make sure he didn’t misbehave. Almost immediately, he started hearing about the heated debates that Lan Jingyi and Nie Huaisang got into over classics, over art, over just anything that could be debated, and quite a few that shouldn’t. Lan Xichen had offered to find another person to keep Nie Huaisang company, only for Nie Huaisang to protest he was having great fun with Lan Jingyi.

It surprised Lan Xichen at first. Nie Huaisang wasn’t a man who enjoyed confrontation.

But he had once been a boy who did. Nie Mingjue used to complain at length about that, as did Lan Qiren when he’d had the dubious pleasure of teaching him. Nie Huaisang once had opinions on just about everything, especially if it could get him out of doing something he didn’t enjoy. Lan Xichen had found it amusing for a long time, and even he had been tricked into the odd argument here and there. But then there had been the war, there had been the constant worsening of Nie Mingjue’s temper, and Nie Huaisang’s tendency to argue over everything hadn’t felt so cute anymore.

After those difficult final few months, it had been a relief, in a way, when Nie Huaisang’s grief had made him so mild and pliable. He had never objected to any advice given to him, agreeing to everything and anything that Nie Mingjue’s sworn brothers suggested. If Lan Xichen hadn’t been so devastated by the loss they had both suffered, perhaps he would have noticed something was wrong.

Perhaps it was guilt, then, that soon pushed Lan Xichen to rearrange his schedule so he could spend a little more time with Nie Huaisang every day. He refused to let him down again. Or perhaps it was selfishness, the joy of having an old friend back in his life, someone who didn't know about his failings, and didn't judge him for being imperfect. 

"Imperfection is more fun," Nie Huaisang claimed one evening, as they sat together inside the Hanshi's courtyard, watching a pair of swallows build a nest under the rafters. "I like you better when you're not trying to be Zewu-jun. Zewu-Jun is a very boring person, while Lan Xichen is delightful company. Do you remember how we used to laugh sometimes when I came here to study? You did such a good imitation of your uncle. And you'd help me with my homeworks, and I'd let you have candies… wasn't that more fun than being perfect?"

"I miss those days," Lan Xichen admitted, something he had never told anyone except Jin Guangyao, once. He'd instantly regretted it back then, realising that Jin Guangyao had never had a chance to enjoy a carefree youth. He didn't regret telling Nie Huaisang who laughed so hard he startled the swallows, making them fly away for a moment. 

"Of course you miss that! Well, I'm back now, and until I'm better I can give you a taste of how it used to be. If I make you laugh enough, you'll stop being angry at me, right?"

“I’m not angry at you,” Lan Xichen said, which to his surprise wasn’t even a lie. This young and innocent Nie Huaisang, whose biggest crime was cheating during exams, who hadn’t yet discovered his own viciousness through fighting with Nie Mingjue and then for him, who could be irritating but always remained endearing… how could Lan Xichen have been angry at him?

“But you’re angry at the man I’ve become,” Nie Huaisang said.

Lan Xichen looked at him, that handsome young man sitting just a little too close, leaning somewhat toward Lan Xichen and yet tense enough that at the first sign of anger he’d probably leap away and disappear, the way he used to do with Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen wondered again how he had forgotten how observant Nie Huaisang could be. He should have known. The moment Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji told him that something terrible had been done to Nie Mingjue’s body, Lan Xichen should have guessed that Nie Huaisang knew as well, and that he’d be doing anything to avenge his brother.

“I think I’m more angry at myself than at you,” Lan Xichen said. “What happened, what you’ve done, it was… Maybe you really had no choice, or you thought you had no choice anyway, and I’m not sure I have a right to judge you. You… you still don’t remember, do you?”

“No. I don’t think I want to,” Nie Huaisang said. He started playing nervously with his sleeve, having forgotten his fan somewhere, and hesitantly spoke again. “I don’t think he wanted to remember either,” he whispered. “Him. Me. I… I don’t think it was an accident, Er-ge. I think I forgot on purpose.”

Startled by the confession, Lan Xichen stared again at Nie Huaisang who avoided his eyes. He looked pale, and started shaking slightly, as if again expecting a burst of anger that didn’t come. Lan Xichen was too stunned for that.

“When did you start suspecting this?”

“Right away,” Nie Huaisang confessed, nervously playing with his sleeve, pulling and tugging at the fabric. “It was just too odd that there was nothing at all about those lost years. I found some recent correspondence which let me know I wasn’t on very good terms with you, Jiang Cheng and Jin zongzhu, but that was it. And I know myself, Er-ge. I’ve kept a journal of everything I do since I was seven. Everything important, I write it down so I remember, I should have had a trace of those missing years.”

Lan Xichen nodded. Nie Huaisang had mentioned that habit of his, back when he was studying in the Cloud Recesses. Back then he’d complained that too little happened and he had nothing to write down, but also that homework and studying took so long he almost didn’t have time for his diary. Lan Xichen hadn’t realised that the habit was such a serious one, and he’d never heard Nie Huaisang mention it again as an adult, so he hadn’t thought to ask about that.

“Could it be that you simply stopped doing this?” Lan Xichen asked.

Nie Huaisang shook his head and frowned.

“It’s not just a hobby. My memory isn’t great, I really forget things if I don’t write them down. Everything important… in code if it's too important, of course, I’m only a little stupid. And I hid the journal, and kept all of them, from the very first. I’m the only one who knew where they’re all kept, but when I went to check, many of them had been destroyed, or at least moved somewhere else. Everything after the Sunshot Campaign is gone. Maybe he hoped to forget the war too.”

Not so much the war as what had happened just before it, Lan Xichen thought. He’d heard about the way hostage juniors had been treated by the Wens, and the horror of the Xuanwu of Slaughter killing people in that cave. Nie Huaisang had never wanted to talk about that, Lan Xichen recalled. He usually loved to complain, but on that particular topic he’d always close off or change the subject.

Aside from the death of Nie Mingjue, the terror of the evil Xuanwu had to have been the worst moment of Nie Huaisang’s life.

Without thinking Lan Xichen took Nie Huaisang’s hand, hoping to comfort him. Nie Huaisang startled and trembled, but didn’t try to remove his hand.

“I think it’s like you said,” Nie Huaisang explained, looking pleadingly at Lan Xichen. “That he did certain things because he thought he had no choice. He… I… if someone harmed da-ge, then I’d want to harm them back," he hissed with such rage that Lan Xichen shivered, reminded of the man Nie Huaisang had indeed become. "Even if it was san-ge! I can’t believe he’d do something like that, he’s always so nice, but it doesn’t matter. If I had been sure he’d hurt da-ge, then I… I would…”

“I know,” Lan Xichen said, squeezing Nie Huaisang’s hand.

“I think I had regrets of a sort though,” Nie Huaisang said. “The way it seems to me… I didn’t regret that these things had been done, I didn’t regret that people had died or been hurt, but I didn’t want to live with the weight of that either. I think… I’m a little bit of a coward, Er-ge. I’m fine with knowing I did horrible things, I just don’t want to know what they are, because that way it’s not really me who did them. So I can see why I chose to forget, and I also don’t want to remember.”

Had it been anyone else, Lan Xichen would have found that person cowardly indeed. Just as he bore the guilt of his failures and strove to do better, he would expect others to face their own faults, take their punishment, and try to improve in the future. But Nie Huaisang wasn’t just anyone, and Lan Xichen pitied him too much to wish for his suffering. Nie Huaisang had already been punished enough for what he’d done, having lost his brother, having lost all his friends, having lost the respect of his sect.

Having lost himself, too.

“It’s fine if you don’t remember,” Lan Xichen said. “You can stay here with us. Wei Wuxian seems happy enough to have you around, Lan Jingyi loves having someone to argue with… even uncle said the other day that it’s been a while since he’s had a decent opponent at weiqi.”

“And what about you?” Nie Huaisang asked, his cheeks a little pinker than they ought to be. “Are you also happy to have me here?”

“I am,” Lan Xichen replied, surprised to find that this, too, was the truth.

Partly because he’d always been a little too fond of Nie Huaisang, back before the Sunshot Campaign changed everything and forced him to set aside most of his personal attachments to better serve his sect. Partly, also, because he liked this current Nie Huaisang, who wasn’t quite as naïve and self-absorbed as he’d been as a boy, but lacked the cruelty years of solitude and resentment had taught him.

This was Nie Huaisang as he would have been, had the world been a little kinder. A clever young master who watched the world around him and understood people a little too well, but loved fun too much to ever do anything with what he learned, as long as his loved ones were safe.

“I’m glad to be here as well,” Nie Huaisang said.

He shuffled a little closer until he could rest his head against Lan Xichen’s shoulder. It had been years since anyone dared to be so carelessly intimate with Lan Xichen, who found he didn’t mind. Not if it was Nie Huaisang.

“You know, I’ve talked with Wei-xiong today, about this,” Nie Huaisang continued. “About what happened to me, and why, and how. He thinks it’s a curse, and there’s probably a condition that would allow it to be lifted. There usually is, after all. But I think if I really did this to myself, I'd have picked an impossible condition, because I wouldn't want to be saved from it. So I might stay like this for the rest of my life.”

“And you’ll be welcome to stay here that entire time,” Lan Xichen promised without thinking, squeezing Nie Huaisang’s hand again.

“That sounds really nice. I think I’ll take you on your offer, Er-ge,” Nie Huaisang said with a smile that Lan Xichen would have kissed if he’d dared. Later, while lying in his bed, he would wonder if he should have tried, only to eventually decide it would have ruined the moment.

Perhaps someday, in the future, thing would take that direction. For now they both had too much to deal with, too much to learn again about each other. It was fine. Lan Xichen was content to remain like this, sitting close together, holding hands, and watching those swallows finish their nest.

Just this was already more than he’d ever imagined he would get.

[herglowinggirl]

Hello, familiar anon here, I didn't ask the question about an SOK ending where Yun lives and gains redemption. I also wouldn't mind having my own tag. I haven't found any other evidence of Yun shipping Kyoshi and Rangi outside of "The Boy From Makapu". How does Kyoshi view Yun later in her life( up to the first year after "The Meeting", creating Kyoshi Island nearly 25 years later, the last years of her life)? Would Kyoshi ever mention or talk about Yun after the events of The Shadow of Kyoshi?

hello! and yes I have some thoughts on this and how it would impact the advice Kyoshi gave to Roku and Aang. this got long but I’d love to break down parts of it to write fic, which I think I will do and perhaps post before Kyoshi Fortnight. But I digress, it’s long enough that I have decided to use subtitles. If anything skip to the end about the advice she gave Roku and Aang I think it’s most relevant to what I want to say and also my favorite part.

what I talk about under the cut: the ways I believe yun’s death would impact kyoshi’s actions after tsok and what the advice she gave aang and roku actually means (my thoughts on “only justice will bring peace” means)

would kyoshi talk about yun during her lifetime?

Yes. First off, it would be impossible to avoid him in the political landscape, because it is mentioned that he passed lots of judgements and signed treaties, ect. Although Kyoshi has grown in her leadership style and it’s turned a little (a lot) anti-establishment, she would still need to deal with the fallout of Yun not being the Avatar, because there would be a need to re-sign treaties and settle disputes with people seeking to take advantage of others now that the Avatar has “changed” would have to be dealt with and in tandem, Yun’s legacy.

But also, in a duology that features grief, I find it a natural continuation of the narrative that Yun would be mourned. You don’t stop knowing or loving someone after they pass, and I feel like mourning all of Yun—the boy he was, where he came from, his legacy, the decisions he made, the impact he had on the people around him, even how he hurt people—is only natural and is slightly unavoidable. I think Kyoshi mourns all of her deceased loved ones. 

Just, like the concept of this: she’s always hated pai sho but now when she faces a board in her gut and in her throat things feel wrong because it reminds her of what Yun had to do to survive. A breeze smells like the flour and air Kelsang sent into her face the moments before everything changed. She collects pebbles that Lek would’ve liked. Rangi brings her fire lilies for an anniversary and she starts crying. She sings songs with Wong that were her parent’s favorites that coincidentally, Kelsang knew too.

community in grief and kyoshi’s relationships

He was Rangi’s friend, too. Auntie Mui and Hei-Ran are sure to mourn him in their own ways. In tSoK Kyoshi calls her team Avatar a group of contradictions and misfits and in his way, Yun was too. The false Avatar. What a title! 

A continuation of the concept: Rangi and Kyoshi remind each other of him every day for a while, swapping stories about him when it gets to be too much, making eye contact when they can hear his voice making light of something stupid an official has said. Hei-Ran makes her do drills she made Yun do. Auntie Mui makes his favorite dish on his birthday that they do not pass in silence, because then what would they be, that group of misfits, to forget another outcast? If they don’t mourn the boy from Yokoya who will mourn them, or who would’ve mourned them if they hadn’t been so lucky? Who will care for the beggars and orphans of the world if not the Avatar who was once one of them and her companions? In a way, the retribution and pain of it all is justice for the life that Kyoshi took. Like, there’s just so much to unpack in the way she says “Was I right about anything at all? What will they say about me? Avatar Kyoshi, who killed her friend because she couldn’t save him?” But I don’t think her guilt would silence her. 

That being said, Yun was fundamentally a victim of a system that failed him. The same one that failed Kyoshi. In another way, her actions are justice on a world that failed her and her best friend and the similarities they shared, and she’s able to take those actions because of the way that Yun impacted her, for better or for worse. So yes, I think during her lifetime, she would speak of Yun and who he was, not letting people forget the ways they (and she) failed him and how easily everyone wants to forget their failure. It brings me to the way she was so angry with the Earth Kingdom establishment for discarding him and trying to hide history away. I don’t think she’d ever do that, even if she did...uh, dispatch him.

kyoshi, immortality, and her role as an avatar

I’d like to turn to two passages:

Kyoshi: “The way you describe it, you’d have to decide what version of yourself you’d be stuck as, forever.”

Lao Ge: “Exactly! Those who grow, live and die. The stagnant pool is immortal, while the clear flowing river dies an uncountable number of deaths.”

and

In the future, perhaps, she’d become finalized like carved stone. It would be easier to deal with the world then. She could only hope.

[...]

She still had to be careful not to lose her balance and fall. Kyoshi kept her eyes focused on her difficult path, sometimes stumbling but making sure to catch herself, taking one step at a time.

This isn’t directly related to what I think she would say, but more about how she lets her experiences, and therefore, her experiences and relationship with Yun, affect who she is. Here, F.C. Yee is detailing the person we see in her cameo in A:tLA. It’s a testament to her growth, yes, but also to how she lived so long. She’s allowed to grow now, while she’s young and still learning. But eventually Kyoshi’s growth will wane, leaving us with the iron woman we saw in A:tLA. 

Remember when I said I would call F.C. Yee a sap for the very last Kyoshi POV line? It’s the last sentence in my second excerpt, is that Kyoshi is allowing herself make mistakes. It’s pretty obviously a little deeper than the concept of walking down a slope: She became one of the most revered Avatars, we know how her story ends, if not lots of the in-betweens, but F.C. Yee tells us right here in that sentence. She changed and she learned. 

I think, however, that eventually she had to pick a place to stop in order to stop aging. If I had to pick a point where she became “immortal” I’d pick Rangi’s peaceful and timely death surrounded by her loved ones on Yokoya (not Kyoshi Island since I’m going to maintain that her A;tLA cameo was “immortal” Kyoshi) and I think Lao Ge killed her—or at least convinced her to let go.

further thoughts on her longevity: rangi’s role and future

Ok before anybody comes into my inbox like “um zey herglowinggirl I need you to know that actually Rangi also lived to 230 😌″ because I understand the sentiment it’s more like here’s what I’d like to discuss: Kyoshi can’t be immortal around Rangi because Rangi is in so many ways her catalyst for growth. First off, it would be completely out of character for Rangi to be immortal, because she’s constantly moving and being and feeling and judging and that changes her. Positive jing. And Lao Ge says it: “those who grow, live and die.” Rangi believes in the best and strives for the best, for perfection. For Kyoshi to freeze herself and become immortal, that would require picking an imperfect state. And as we know, Sei’naka women do not accept imperfection 😤. 

Although Rangi promises to always be by Kyoshi’s side, I think in the latter years of Kyoshi’s live it’s more like the impact that Rangi has had on her in that frozen state. That voice of Rangi’s is part of Kyoshi in those years. However, without Rangi, it is unlikely that Kyoshi will always or commonly choose to act on it. It’s stated multiple times throughout the novels that Rangi is Kyoshi’s center and that she doesn’t know who she’d be without Rangi, but I think the logical conclusion is immortal. With Rangi’s death she becomes her own center by stopping her growth; with Rangi’s death she just becomes...that stone she was talking about, where it does get easier to make decisions because you’re not striving to constantly change and grow. It’s almost a coping mechanism, if you will. Because Kyoshi is more than Rangi, can function without Rangi, it’s just not necessarily pretty.

lao ge’s role and future

Which brings me to my “in my personal version of canon Lao Ge kinda maybe killed Kyoshi” point. Rangi is in no way Kyoshi’s morality, but she is very much the idealistic ‘better’ half. With this catalyst of hope and change gone, I think back to the creation of the Dai Li—it very much sounds to me like something Jianzhu would do. Kyoshi, who had previously been the breakdown of negotiations, created a secret op police force? 

I think the moment Kyoshi started being the establishment, the moment she was the band-aid instead of the solution (much like Yun was, hint hint) Lao Ge would’ve paid her a visit. Either this or the creation of the Dai Li created a catalyst for perhaps an existential crisis, perhaps just being tired, perhaps simply knowing what is best...Kyoshi is, and always will be, a sworn criminal who cannot uphold the law, only her own judgements. She is both the law and the breaking and bending of it, and when she loses this balance when Rangi falls from her side and she becomes her own rock I think it would swing her away from her center, and this is where she becomes immortal. Eventually, it would become enough of an issue for people to intervene and tell her that her time as an Avatar is coming to an end. 

advice to future avatars

This is my favorite point and I’ll tie it back to Yun in just a second. I have posted about thinking about the impact of Yun’s death on Kyoshi and how that would’ve impacted her legacy and the advice she gave Roku and Aang before. Honestly what strikes me is how proud Kyoshi would be of Aang. The way that each Avatar must learn to forge their own way and become their own person and what their era needs, balancing themselves, is something so lovely. I think Kyoshi would’ve absolutely loved how Aang took the advice of his predecessors and said “no, I know what would be better for me,” and I think post-tSoK Kyoshi, who has learned she has to forge her own way and style as a leader, would love and be so proud of him for that. 

However, that doesn’t mean that her advice doesn’t have weight. I think mainly her “immortal” phase would perhaps have an impact on the way Yun impacts her advice. I think “only justice will bring peace” also speaks to the finality of death. Just like immortality, death keeps growth from happening. “only justice will bring peace” is also a nod to the way you must learn to cope with your actions and the way you feel about them. It’s also about Aang’s inner peace, which is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen mentioned. Everyone always wants to talk about what he should’ve done and how Kyoshi was right because she told Aang about her choice to let Chin die, but I think she actually guided him to the idea that you should be ok with yourself. To be confident in what you do and take up responsibility for your actions. Kyoshi wasn’t telling him murder was good. She was telling him she owned up to her actions and chose to make those decisions as an Avatar. To me, this finality speaks of growth after Yun’s death and the end of tSoK. She has grown and then frozen, but that means she has changed.

And although I don’t have an answer for what advice she might’ve given Roku, I think it’s a good way to interpret this. The only thing keeping Kyoshi from being honest about Yun’s death is the fact that Zoryu has “Yun” locked up. I think this is likely one of her biggest regrets, that she cannot be honest and responsible for something that weighs so heavily on her soul. This, I think, guides her advice. Only justice will bring peace. Now that I’ve thought it out, perhaps it wasn’t Lao Ge, and perhaps it was the idea that Yun had never been done justice and perhaps that turmoil never changed, which made her long-lived but not quite immortal. She cannot quite know the peace of death nor of life.

I think she must’ve told Roku that no matter what, he must accept the consequences of what he does. He’s not willing to loose that friendship and I think Kyoshi would’ve understood that, and the questions Roku would’ve had to pose himself as an Avatar. That is Kyoshi’s advice. Only justice, true justice in the form of accountability and self-actualization as a leader, will allow you to make good decisions. The acceptance of this: that whatever he does, he must be willing to accept it’s legacy, learn from it, and teach the next Avatar just as she let Yun’s death affect her leadership and what she taught. And I think that’s probably incredibly poetic, even if I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. 

[januaryisnotanartist]

KanSang Week Day 05 Wang Clan! Liu Sang

Pairing: Kan Jian/Liu Sang (established, past, future)

Genre: Angst, sad boy hours, angst with a hopeful ending Trope: sad boys in bathrooms, letters from away, things get worse before they get better Author Notes: in my head as I wrote this there was far more ugly crying going on Word Count: 2,470 ish

-

Kan Jian and Wang Sang had been kinda-sorta dating for years. They'd met by chance while Wang Sang was in Hangzhou for an interpreter job, translating for a foreigner looking at a business merger or something. (Kan Jian had been listening when Wang Sang explained it, it's just that that level of business doesn't interest him enough to understand it.)

He'd talked about Wang Sang to his Laoban a lot, about how smart and funny and pretty Wang Sang is. It was his Laoban who helped him figure out that he was in love with Wang Sang, because everyone was just so easy to love, it took a more objective eye to realise there was a difference in the way he loved Wang Sang.

Their date tonight was an anniversary, Kan Jian was going to Wang Sang's for dinner. He didn't know if he'd be staying the night, he had clothes in Wang Sang's place but...

Kan Jian was going to ask, he was going to start the discussion, it was time. He was going to ask if Wang Sang wanted to move in together. Either of their apartments or a new one, Kan Jian hadn't really thought that far yet, but he knew Wang Sang was it for him. He was certain of it.

Or maybe it was just that the one year anniversary of defeating the Wang clan was coming up and everyone was feeling pretty pleased and positive.

-

The fact that Kan Jian had to knock on the door meant something was wrong. He didn't know how Wang Sang did it, but he'd always known when Kan Jian was there and opened the door before he could reach it.

“Wang Sang?” he called through the door, trying to hear any sound beyond, “Sang-ge? Are you there?”

Kan Jian was just about to use his own key when the door opened slowly.

Wang Sang didn't look date ready, he actually looked sort of awful. His pretty hair was lank and greasy like it hadn't been washed recently, Wang Sang's face had the shadows of sleep deprivation under his eyes.

Something from deep in the apartment smelt burnt.

“Babe?” Kan Jian reached for his boyfriend, but stopped when Wang Sang flinched. “What's wrong, are you hurt? Sick? Can I help?”

Wang Sang sniffled, and Kan Jian realised Wang Sang's eyes were bloodshot not just from lack of sleep, but because he'd been crying.

“Ca-” Wang Sang's words caught in his throat, he sounded like he was about to cry again. “Can you come in, I need to- I need to talk to you about something.”

Kan Jian nodded, because of course he'd go inside, of course he'd talk with Wang Sang. He followed through the familiar entryway, past the familiar kitchen, an unusual amount of mess on the stove, traces of smoke still wafting from one of the pots.

But Wang Sang didn't stop there, he lead Kan Jian all the way to the bathroom where a small hand-towel was sitting by the sink.

Wang Sang tipped it in over the edge and turned the tap on hot, letting it gush down onto the towel.

In the back of Kan Jian's mind, something started screaming. It was like a ringing in his ears so loud that between it and the running water, he almost couldn't hear Wang Sang.

“There is something about me that I need you to know," Wang Sang spoke with uncharacteristic hesitation, "because you can't not know, and I can't, I can't keep... I don't want to lie to you anymore, because I'm not even sure if it's real or not. If it's just a lie I've been telling myself since-”

The speed of the water was faster than the towel could take and the excess filled the sink, spilling over with a loud splash, startling them both. Wang Sang lunged for the tap and turned it off, and both of them stood there listening to the odd sounds of the water slowly draining through the towel and into the pipes below.

“I don't understand,” Kan Jian said, a hollow widening in his chest.

“Yes you do,” Wang Sang replied, his voice barely above a whisper, he sounded tired. “You aren't stupid Kan Jian.”

“What was the first lie you told me?” It wasn't the thing Kan Jian should have been asking, but it was what came out.

“I wasn't a freelancer when we met,” Wang Sang said as he picked up the towel to squeeze the excess water free.

'That made sense,' Kan Jian thought, because of course Wang Sang wouldn't have been a freelancer, but that was a lie he would have told anybody.

“Why me?” Kan Jian regretted asking, because he didn't want to know.

“Because we'd met,” Wang Sang flattened the towel and began taking off his shirt.

“What?”

“The first three times we met, I had no idea who you were in the grand scheme of things,” Wang Sang set his shirt down on the driest patch of sink he could find and picked up the towel, turning to Kan Jian. “I just thought you were cute and that I could get away with pretending my cover story was my real life for a few drinks. Then my handler saw you, and they figured, I already had an in, so you became a mission.”

Wang Sang's voice turned bitter towards then end, and he held out the towel with a shaking hand.

Kan Jian didn't want to take it, he wanted to pretend this was all just a joke gone horribly wrong. He took the towel, it was so hot it almost burned, and he pulled Wang Sang into a hug as he reached around to press the towel to Wang Sang's right shoulder.

He didn't know what to ask, what to say, but Kan Jian opened his mouth anyway and hoped something coherent came out.

“How much of you is real?”

“I don't know.”

If he waited until the towel turned cool, if he didn't see the tattoo, then it wasn't real. Kan Jian didn't want this to be real.

He couldn't let the lie linger, and peeled back the still warm cloth.

The Phoenix tattoo is a brilliant mark across Wang Sang's shoulder.

The world was gone from beneath his feet, Kan Jian didn't know how to breathe.

“Did you ever love me?” He didn't mean to ask it.

“It would have been easier if I hadn't, it would have been so easy to stay if it was just a role to play.”

Kan Jian's ears were ringing again as the implications seeped into his brain. He held Wang Sang tighter.

-

Wu Xie felt like an asshole. Something was wrong with Kan Jian and he hadn't noticed until he'd stuck his foot in it.

He'd been so happy to have Xiaoge back, that he hadn't even realised Kan Jian and his boyfriend had broken up.

“Everyone's coming to the 'we beat the Wang's' anniversary party,” Wu Xie had wrapped an arm around Kan Jian, full of jubilation, “even Li Cu and his friends are coming, this would be a great time to invite your mysterious Wang Sang, finally let everyone else meet him.”

Kan Jian had gone from fine to crying in the space of a breath.

Wu Xie learned, through ragged breaths and sobbing tears, that Kan Jian and Wang Sang had broken up. Kan Jian wouldn't say why, insisted that Wang Sang wasn't at fault. He got angry when Wu Xie offered to track Wang Sang down. Kan Jian had never been angry at Wu Xie before.

Wu Xie apologised and pulled Kan Jian in for a hug. Kan Jian continued to cry, his sobs and words muffled by Wu Xie's shoulder.

It was like a bucket of ice pouring down his spine when Wu Xie picked out the words “I don't care who he was, I just want him back.”

Wang Sang.

It was a coincidence. Surely. There'd never been an information leak that could be traced back to Kan Jian, Wang was an entirely common name.

Just to be safe, Wu Xie sent out a few enquiries looking for this Wang Sang, but who ever he'd been before, he was a ghost now.

-

The first letter came while Kan Jian was on a job. He'd been a little more vicious than normal, his heart was still hurting and he'd let that leak out. It always surprised people when he was violent, like they had no idea it was in him. Way down deep and sleeping, sure, but it was still there.

They forgot because he used a slingshot, but Kan Jian was still a sniper.

He almost did what the letter's opening line advised, heart-sore anger making him want to abide “you can burn these letters if you want.”

But he didn't, because he still missed Wang Sang.

Kan Jian had made his way through the emotional fall out, moved from anger to worry over whether it had been hard on Wang Sang to play the part of boyfriend. Had he secretly been repulsed every time Kan Jian had touched him? Kissed him? Kan Jian had moved back to anger, then to aggravation at the idea that nobody could have scripted all their interactions, had torn himself up trying to figure out what had been training and what had been real reactions.

Real feelings.

In the end it was mostly hollowness and aching that left him grumpy and sharper when his edges showed.

But he wanted to know, so he read the letters instead of burning them.

-

Wang Sang had always spelled his name as 王桑, with the Sang for mulberry.

The letters weren't signed at first, though Kan Jian knew who they were from. He learned a lot about the letters' author, because the author was learning a lot about himself as well. Kan Jian had no way to reply, but he kept every letter in the hope that one day, he could talk to the other man about his journey to figure out who he was when he wasn't being told who to be.

Kan Jian had known that Wang Sang had a brother, but it's not until the third letter, when Wang Can is mentioned, that Kan Jian understands what that means.

He wonders which of the dead had been Wang Can.

He wonders if he'd killed him.

-

The eighth letter is signed.

刘丧

Liu Sang.

Sang, for bereavement.

But the letter says it's the name he'd been born to, the one he'd chosen to take back, so Kan Jian is less worried about Wang... about Liu Sang's mental state, and more about the parents who'd named their son like an omen.

-

Kan Jian almost burned a letter.

“I kissed a boy.”

He shouldn't feel betrayed, but he does.

Until he managed to calm himself and read the following lines, because Liu Sang hadn't been able to do anything but compare this stranger to Kan Jian and find him lacking.

-

There's an excitement in Liu Sang's next letter, somehow contained in every character. Kan Jian doesn't understand exactly, but he feels excited too as he reads about the new teacher Liu Sang has found, how he's training his hearing.

Kan Jian remembers hours later, as he's lying in bed, the hearing servants of the Xin Yue hotel, and suddenly a whole lot of things start making sense.

-

Kan Jian's life didn't stop, didn't become nothing but heartache and waiting for each letter. They made it easier to crawl out of the empty place in his life where Wang Sang had been, they reminded him that he had things to figure out too.

He made new friends, he moved on.

(He kissed a stranger or two as well, but they don't make his soul fizz with excitement like Wang Sang had. Like Liu Sang's letters do.)

-

Years slipped by.

There was jobs and friends and parties, and the occasional hospital visit of varying degrees of seriousness because of jobs and friends and parties.

And then there was the Sea King tomb, and Kan Jian was sent to pick up some sonar mapping expert from the airport. He and two others waited on the hood of the truck, and Kan Jian was beginning to wonder if the master they were picking up had missed the plane when:

“Hey, look at that guy,” his friend said, and Kan Jian looked over.

His first thought was: “what kind of excavation master dresses like a real estate agent?”

His second thought was: “how the hell did I forget how attractive he is in person?” Because walking towards them with a rolling suit case in a well fitted suit, hair radiant in the sunlight, was Wang Liu Sang.

The suitcase was shoved towards one of Kan Jian's companions and Liu Sang's gaze is directed at him.

“Wu Erbai sent you to pick me up?”

Kan Jian managed to nod, and not say out loud 'your voice is amazing.' But then Liu Sang was frowning, and turning away and leaving. Kan Jian followed after him because he couldn't lose him again.

-

Kan Jian felt a little bad about stomping on an innocent man, but as they watched the car drive away, Kan Jian was more concerned about Liu Sang, who looked like he was dying inside.

And Kan Jian knew, from whispered words years ago in the dark, and from ink in letters more recent, he knew why Liu Sang had reacted that way.

“'It's better to be wrong like this,'” Kan Jian said, one hand reaching for Liu Sang but not making contact, “'than ignoring it and being wrong the other way.'”

Liu Sang looked at Kan Jian, scared and bare as he recognised his own words, “you could have burned them.”

Kan Jian shrugged, “well, I didn't. I kept every one I got.”

Liu Sang flushed, somehow even more embarrassed than he'd been a moment before. He was anxious, Kan Jian could see it, so Kan Jian took a gamble.

“We don't really know each other very well,” Kan Jian said, and Liu Sang looked startled, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion. “Since we'll be working together for a while, let me introduce myself. I'm Kan Jian, I like slingshots, and my laoban, and your hair and I'll be your driver today.”

Liu Sang pushed his glasses up his nose, but Kan Jian could see the smile he was clearly trying to hide.

“It's nice to meet you, I'm Liu Sang, I specialise in sonar cartography, I like meerkats, and your smile, and my ouxiang Zhang Qiling. I look forward to working with you.”

Kan Jian grinned... and lasted all of twenty seconds before he asked “wait, did you really get the tattoo?”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Light on the Door (ao3) (aka WWX in the Nie sect); tumblr: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

Wei Wuxian woke all at once when someone dropped something onto the floor, but he kept his body relaxed and his eyes closed. It was only when the smashing sound was followed by a very familiar muttering – “Shit, shit, shit, da-ge’s going to kill me!” – that he relaxed.

“How expensive is it that you think he would care?” he asked, opening his eyes and frowning when he found himself somewhere unfamiliar.

Nie Huaisang, who had been standing in the middle of the room and looking at the shards of a (admittedly very expensive looking) broken teapot with some dismay, promptly forgot all about the teapot and dashed over to him. “Shixiong! You’re awake!”

“You say that like it’s a surprise,” Wei Wuxian said, reaching up to rub his head. “Am I – wait, is this Jiang sect grounds? How’d we get to the Lotus Pier, of all places?”

The last he remembered, he and Lan Wangji had remained behind in the cave with the Xuanwu of Slaughter, distracting it while the others went out through the underwater exit, which had closed up when the Xuanwu had thrashed around. After a few days, when inedia would no longer help them and they knew their strength would begin to decrease, they had decided to fight it, and then…

“Is Lan Zhan all right?” he asked, abruptly concerned. “What happened to him? Did he –”

“He’s fine, you big baby,” Nie Huaisang said, throwing himself down on the bed next to him and promptly snuggling in for a hug. He had zero grounds to call anyone else a big baby. “He woke up two days ago and already left for the Cloud Recesses. He didn’t want to worry them any longer, and they need him, what with his brother still being missing.”

Wei Wuxian spared a moment’s thought for Lan Xichen, who was very nice and also a good friend of Nie Mingjue’s in addition to being Lan Wangji’s precious older brother, but reminded himself that there was no point in worrying when it wouldn’t do any good. That settled, he complained, “Oh, that’s rude! He left before making sure I woke up?”

“Oh, you woke up yesterday before he headed out,” Nie Huaisang said breezily. “You were sleep-drunk as anything, but you were awake and saying something about musical masterpieces. Possibly you might have started to say something about kissing, but tragically I was forced to gag you for your own health before Lan Wangji disintegrated from embarrassment.”

Wei Wuxian put his head in his hands. “…and so he left.”

“And so he left,” Nie Huaisang agreed. “Don’t worry, he left you a nice long letter to read when you feel up to it – and when I decide to give it to you.”

“Cruel.”

“Caring! You must think of your health, shixiong.”

“Shixiong this, shixiong that,” Wei Wuxian teased. “Were you worried about me?”

Nie Huaisang glared death at him. “Of course I was! Do you know what you put me and Jiang Cheng through?! We left you in a cave with that thing, we got ambushed by the Wen sect the second we emerged –”

“You did? Are you all right?!”

“Shut up, I’m fine, Jiang Cheng handled it,” Nie Huaisang said, which – fair. Wei Wuxian would have to give Jiang Cheng many relieved thank-you-for-saving-my-little-brother hugs. “We then ran for days to get someone to rescue you –”

It make sense. The Lotus Pier was closer than the Unclean Realm, and Jiang Fengmian had always been a little unreasonable about Wei Wuxian; it was a good bet to make.

Still, even if they’d travelled down from the Nightless City, they hadn’t gone that far, and the Lotus Pier was a long way away.

“Are your feet all right?” he asked.

“No! They are not! They are awful! There was blood! But not as much blood as we found all over you when we broke into the cave to find you lying there unconscious!”

Wei Wuxian resigned himself to spending the next shichen calming down Nie Huaisang from (admittedly somewhat reasonable) hysterics.

-

“So I’m worried about the Jiang sect,” Nie Huaisang said the second they crossed out of the Lotus Pier – by horse, since that required less from his torn-up feet.

Wei Wuxian looked at him sidelong. “And this wasn’t something you could mention while we were there? To them?”

“I’m not so stupid as to start a fight with our allies by implying that they can’t handle themselves,” Nie Huaisang said. “Even if…”

“Even if you don’t think they can?”

Nie Huaisang sighed. “It’s not that!” he protested. “They’re very capable. Extraordinarily capable, even. But Sect Leader Jiang doesn’t take things seriously enough – the way he tried to scold Jiang Cheng for lecturing you..!”

Wei Wuxian winced. He’d managed to head that off at the pass, luckily, but Jiang Cheng’s face had gotten that mulish expression of mixed envy and hurt that he hated to see, and it hadn’t cleared up until Nie Huaisang fainted in order to escape the awkward conversation. It was a trick he pulled often, one that worked on adults virtually all the time and also amused Jiang Cheng every single time.

“And he doesn’t take da-ge seriously, either,” Nie Huaisang said, sounding as if that were the worst possible crime imaginable. Wei Wuxian understood his feelings. “Not even after the indoctrination camp…I just don’t know if he’ll take the steps he needs to in time.”

“You’re right,” Wei Wuxian said regretfully. “Uncle Jiang won’t want to think about it, so he won’t, but that won’t stop the war from coming…Wait, hold up. You think the Wen sect would come here? Why?”

“I mean, it’s the logical next step to quash another one of the Great Sects,” Nie Huaisang said. “Also, remember that time I fainted from the heat and they took me inside the guardroom? I looked at some of their papers; they were definitely planning on a siege.”

“But why here?” Wei Wuxian asked, deciding to reserve comments on Nie Huaisang’s unexpected foray into espionage to a time when he could appropriately lose his mind over it, preferably with Nie Mingjue in the vicinity to add to the effect. “Why the Lotus Pier? Jiang Cheng wasn’t involved with sticking it to Wen Chao; that was Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan, and then after that it was mostly me. No Jiang sect at all!”

“He helped later,” Nie Huaisang pointed out. “Anyway, where else would they go? They attacked the Cloud Recesses once already, Lanling Jin is so slimy and double-dealing that they might as well count as a Wen ally, and if you had to pick between attacking the Lotus Pier or the Unclean Realm, between wishy-washy old Sect Leader Jiang or da-ge, who’s been preparing for war since before you joined us, which would you pick?”

“Well, shit,” Wei Wuxian said, because Nie Huaisang wasn’t wrong at all. Nor was he wrong to keep this from Jiang Fengmian, who would probably just pat them on the head indulgently before dismissing them. “What’s the plan, then?”

“Shopping,” Nie Huaisang declared.

Wei Wuxian knew his little brother too well. He started grinning. “Just a couple of young masters going on a shopping trip? With a nice, small retinue?”

“We could hardly be expected to travel with anything less,” Nie Huaisang agreed, grinning back. “Especially with there being both of us, heir and spare! It would be disgraceful to send us out with anything less than at least a squad of Nie culivators. We could stay in Yunping, maybe? That’s not far.”

“Yunping? There’s nothing in Yunping.”

“Not recently, no,” Nie Huaisang said, and shrugged when Wei Wuxian shot him an inquisitive glance. “Personnel issue, someone da-ge met recently…not a big deal. I’m just curious about him, that’s all. I’ll tell you about it on the way.”

“I love how you just decide these things and then pretend that I have some input into how things are going to go before doing what you want anyway,” Wei Wuxian remarked. “I take it that you’ve contacted da-ge already, then?”

“Of course! Sent him a letter first thing once we arrived at the Lotus Pier. Are we going?”

“Yes, fine,” Wei Wuxian said, rolling his eyes. “We’re going, we’re going.”

-

“So, I think we can all agree that that went badly,” Nie Huaisang said. “Can we all agree on that?”

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng said. His impression of being above it all was somewhat ruined by the tears still streaming down his face and the way he wouldn’t stop hugging them both intermittently.

“Listen, it could have gone worse,” Wei Wuxian said placatingly. “Right? Could have gone much, much worse. At least Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu made it out, and they’ll go crazy trying to find us.”

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng said, and sniffed, rubbing his nose. “Yeah. That’s true. Thanks.”

Even with the best river-watching intentions in the world, the attack had come so quickly that they’d only shown up midway through the assault on the Lotus Pier, just in time to find Jiang Cheng tied up in Zidian and floating downriver, a sure sign that Madame Yu had given up all hope of maintaining a defense, and naturally they’d grabbed him and rushed in to help her.

A single moment of surprise had been all she’d needed to finish Wen Zhuliu.

Unfortunately, even two full squadrons of Nie sect cultivators – Nie Mingjue hadn’t stinted – couldn’t change the end result, not against the massed forces the Wen sect had brought with them, not even if they sold their lives into the bargain. It was only enough to hold them off for a little while. 

At Wei Wuxian’s order, they had gone back in again and again, getting as many Jiang sect disciples out as they could. It’d been a good plan.

Getting captured hadn’t been part of the plan.

Getting thrown into the Burial Mounds was definitely not part of the plan.

Fucking Wen Chao. Just because his smarmy stupid core-melting servant got killed and he didn’t want to risk them returning as ghosts…

“Somehow, the possibility of it being worse doesn’t actually make me feel better,” Nie Huaisang said, scowling. He had the weakest core out of all three of them, so they’d given him the one blanket they’d managed to smuggle along with them – though technically, that had been Wen Ning who’d done the smuggling, actually, a Wen disciple that Wei Wuxian had befriended in the archery contest. 

He’d apparently remained very sympathetic despite the war.

It would’ve been pretty funny, if anyone had been in the mood to laugh: Wen Ning had arrived to the Lotus Pier late in a panic, nominally to provide medical services, although Wen Chao had implied in a snarl that it was actually to claim credit for helping. He had stuttered his way through excuses and apologies, offered to go start work right away, and then promptly beelined straight for the room where they’d been trapped, sneaking them a qiankun pouch with a few supplies in hopes that they could use it when they escaped.

He hadn’t known that they were bound for the Burial Mounds at that time, of course.

Maybe he’d have included some weapons they could use to fly out of here if he had.

Wei Wuxian had whispered to him “Find a way to tell Sect Leader Nie,” as they’d been dragged away after hearing Wen Chao declare that he was going to dispose of them where they’d never escape, and he could only hope that between that avenue and the Jiang that they would be found soon.

Ideally very soon.

They were running out of protective talismans, and night was approaching.

“Still could be worse,” Wei Wuxian said, thinking to himself that if Wen Zhuliu hadn’t been garroted by Zidian they might have found their way here without even their golden cores. Definitely worse. “Okay. So. I have – an idea.”

“Oh no,” Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang chorused.

“…you two are so supportive.”

“It’s going to be a dumb idea,” Nie Huaisang said. “We can tell. Your tone of voice tells us.”

“He’s not wrong,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s going to be dumb and self-sacrificing.”

“Dumb, self-sacrificing and with a less than fifty percent chance of –”

“Must you throw all my past failures in my face?” Wei Wuxian said mournfully.

“Yes,” they both said.

“…fine. I’m still going to do it.”

“We never doubted that for a moment,” Nie Huaisang said. “Now tell us what heart failure we’re going to be dying of today.”

“Well…” Wei Wuxian said.

-

“I think I’m hallucinating,” Wei Wuxian announced. “It may be the resentful energy going to my head.”

“Nooooo,” Jiang Cheng said. “You think?”

“Could be the reduced rations and extended inedia,” Nie Huaisang said, looking very tragic. “Or maybe these sad excuses for potatoes we’ve been picking.”

“I am never eating wild-grown potatoes ever again in my life,” Wei Wuxian agreed fervently. “But also, no, seriously, I think I’m hallucinating, which we should write down as a possible side-effect of demonic cultivation.”

Jiang Cheng groaned from where he was lying on his back and staring up into the ever-clouded sky above the Burial Mounds. He’d gotten tired of the writing-things-down portion of the experimentation process early on, especially when they’d had to carefully unbind the one book Wen Ning had (rather inexplicably, but helpfully) shoved into the bag for them in order to get enough paper to do it after they’d run out of space on Nie Huaisang’s fans.

“We have to keep notes!” Wei Wuxian insisted.

“Fine, fine,” Nie Huaisang said. “What are you hallucinating?”

“Suibian,” Wei Wuxian said. “Flying right at me. From the northwest, if that’s relevant.”

“It is extremely relevant, actually,” Jiang Cheng said, sitting up. “Because it’s not a hallucination if I see it, too.”

Jiang Cheng was their control group, insofar as they could have a control when they were all stuck here being slowly consumed by the Burial Mounds. He and Wei Wuxian were about evenly matched in cultivation strength, so it only made sense for one of them to try demonic cultivation and the other not, and then Nie Huaisang had also started doing it, over Wei Wuxian’s protests, when they’d realized that they needed two people for some of the arrays Wei Wuxian invented.

So if he was seeing things as well, that either meant that the Burial Mounds were affecting them faster than expected, or else –

“Wait, you can see Suibian too?” Wei Wuxian jumped up to his feet. “Suibian! Suibian! Over here!”

“Wait,” Nie Huaisang said. “We don’t know how Suibian will react to demonic cultivation –”

Oblong meat boy! Suibian shouted in Wei Wuxian’s brain across their bond, familiar and perfect as always, descending like a whistling arrow. You left me alone! With evil people!

Wei Wuxian leapt up as high as he could and wrapped his arms around his saber. “I’m so glad to see you, you jackass of a saber!”

Apology accepted.

“Is he talking to his saber?” Jiang Cheng murmured to Nie Huaisang, who nodded. “I know he told us about the whole Nie sect cultivation thing - which I understand I shouldn’t know about, but whatever - but I’ve got to say, it’s kind of weird to see it happening out loud.”

“You think that’s weird? You should see my brother and Baxia.”

“How did you get out?” Wei Wuxian asked, ignoring them both.

Baxia tore open the wall where we were being kept, Suibian said, which probably meant that the war was going well and also that Nie Mingjue was on the warpath and very likely that Wen Ning had not managed to deliver the intended message, which would explain the delay in anyone finding them. Baxia’s master gave me energy and told me to go find you, while he followed behind.

“Da-ge’s coming!” Wei Wuxian shouted, and Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang dropped their supercilious commentator façade in order to cheer.

Hey, jerkface master. Why do you feel funny?

“…uh, about that…”

[leatherbookmarking]

this is nothing i think but also

recently i thought about jgy’s death in terms of like... hmm. he’s a servant, right? unimportant. low birth. etc. this means it’s okay to hurt him or vent your anger on him whenever you feel like it, but also it means that no one will take him seriously if he complains about it, because that’s what those ungrateful bastards do, right, they make up shit about being mistreated and hope they will get something out of everyone’s pity. (which they don’t, because everyone knows they’re just pretending, etc, etc, ouroboros)

or perhaps: they (he) are so unimportant that people don’t even notice when they hurt them. sometimes it’s something like a young master accidentally walking into you because he grew up with everyone getting out of his way, so he genuinely in his youthful stupidity didn’t predict the fact that someone might be... not paying attention to him at all times. sometimes it’s so vivid, as if calculated precisely to hurt all your weak spots, and it makes you wonder if you’re insane or if someone really went out of their way to make you realize how much unimportant and worthless you are

and like. it’s stupid and childish but sometimes when someone says something that hurts me so much, like a surprise punch in the face -- something that does, really, make me feel like i’m unimportant, not worth thinking about, not worth anything at all, i think -- wonder how they’d react if i killed myself. wonder what they’d do if this was our last interaction, and then they’d find my body. would that make them think twice about what they say? or would it go over their head, because why did she do that, her life was so happy and fulfilled? it’s like, feeling so powerless and worthless that you’re not even sure if your death would mean anything to anyone, but at the same time wanting to make them see, make them understand

and now, from chapter 108, chopped mercilessly:

“You, on the other hand, Zewu-jun, Lan-zongzhu, are as intolerant of me as Nie Mingjue— You refuse to spare me even a single breath of life!” Once he said this, Jin Guangyao suddenly drew back. Shuoyue slid his chest, along with gush of blood. The blood from Jin Guangyao’s severed arm trickled onto the coffin. The blood splashedacross Wei Wuxian’s painted marks, destroying the incantations, and dripped into the coffin itself. Nie Mingjue, who had just been sealed away, broke out from inside! The coffin lid shattered into pieces. A pale hand grabbed Jin Guangyao’s neck,

recently i was thinking about this scene in cql. so in cql, it’s different -- of course there’s “er-ge, stay and die with me” which does grab me by the neck every time, but also jgy very much does drag lxc towards the coffin. this takes some time! a couple of seconds, yes, but it does, and so the course of jgy’s actions isn’t as clear as in the novel. but in the novel, he says “you won’t let me live, just like nie mingjue” -- and immediately wakes nmj up, so that nmj would show lxc exactly how he won’t let jgy live.

it just -- shows so well how heartbroken and furious jgy is. at lxc, who’s always been his friend and always protected and supported him, but didn’t really... understand, fully, the extent to which jgy’s life was in danger. either because jgy didn’t tell him that he was almost physically unable to fully trust someone with himself, or because lxc as lxc just couldn’t understand, or because he seemed intent on patching jgy and nmj’s relations up.

(”well you’re not betraying us, so you don’t have to worry about da-ge wanting horrible, inhumane death to the first person who betrays us! :-)” mr zewu jun sir.)

and like. i’m super tired but you know what i mean, right!!! this is what you’re like, zewu-jun, jgy says, pointing gently to a horrifying fierce corpse breaking free from the seal, dragging jgy to his coffin and breaking his neck with a resounding crunch. you know? this man who’s tried to kill me, who was convinced that i’m secretly evil and at fault for everything that’s wrong in the world. the man that added a special gory something to our oath of brotherhood and you were like “oh don’t worry” about it. that man. you’re like him right now, when you think that i’d ever hurt you, that i’d try to do it when you have your back turned, when you know that i’m poisoned and missing a hand and bleeding profusely and weakened and your reaction to all that is to turn around without thinking and stab me in the chest, like a dangerous snake you have to gut no matter what.

i’m already dead. but in case you didn’t notice, i’m going to show you again: i am dead. and it was a collab between you and nie mingjue.

and then he pushes lxc away, and i’m sorry to say this, but 2:10 of “the woman” from sherlock s2 ost starts playing in my head, because as it turns out there are some things that stayed in my brains for years without me noticing it, and this track is what my brain associates with Overwhelming Sadness! yeah, to the point that it overwrites the actual music that played when the yunmeng kids were on the boat crying for their almost-surely-for-sure-dead parents. surprise!

anyway. he pushes lxc away. in a moment where

Lan Wangji summoned Bichen, which shot at them as fast as lightning, but Nie Mingjue wasn’t afraid of spiritual weapons. Even if Bichen struck him, it was unlikely to stop him from closing the small gap between his hand and Lan Xichen’s throat. Yet, just as Nie Mingjue was about to grab Lan Xichen’s neck,

Jin Guangyao used his one remaining hand to strike Lan Xichen’s chest, shoving Lan Xichen away.

LIKE HOLY FUCK.

not to be a horrible xiyao a-yao apologist but can you fucking imagine loving someone so much. like even after lxc has stabbed him in that one worst second of jgy’s life, confirming his fear that even lan xichen, er-ge, zewu-jun would waste no time to kill him if he just had the right view of the situation, that really no one in this world loves him unconditionally,

e v e n   t h e n

he finds it in himself to push lxc away! with all the remaining power he had! while nie mingjue’s hand was wrapped around his throat!

fuck, mxtx!!!

i fully and in 100% understand why zanzan wanted to play that scene differently, to make the stay and die with me a last request from a dying friend, and i love this scene with all my heart and zzj and lhk fucking NAILED IT but like

w   o   w

[bloody-bee-tea]

Hi, I loved BeeTober 2020 Day 31, and also loved the 2nd part you wrote. If you feel like it, I'd love to see some kind of follow-up where JFM realizes how wrong he was - or at least something a bit in the future where we find out about the consequences for him and the company. Or where someone else rubs it into their face how they fucked up.

JC Love Month 2020 Day 11

Dependence on others

As luck will have it, I had this written before you even sent the ask in ;) Day 11 of JC Love Month brings more of the AU where JC leaves the family business. And now it's high time for Wei Wuxian to do the same and for JFM to realize just what he lost. 

Previous Part

“I can no longer do this,” Wei Wuxian wails, even before he barges in to Jiang Cheng’s room. “Jiang Cheng, I can’t work like this, why is everyone at the company this incompetent, please, won’t you come back?” Wei Wuxian asks and throws himself on Jiang Cheng’s bed as if he was invited.

“Is that you asking or did father put you up to it?” he mildly asks and Wei Wuxian perks up.

“Would it make a difference?” he eagerly asks and Jiang Cheng lets him hope for a few seconds before he shakes his head.

“No.”

“Goddamit,” Wei Wuxian mutters. “It’s me asking. Uncle Fengmian still seems to be under the impression that you’re throwing a fit and that you’ll be back in no time. He didn’t contact you?”

“He didn’t,” Jiang Cheng confirms and he wonders just how long his father will attribute his continued absence to a temper tantrum.

“I told him to speak directly with you,” Wei Wuxian tells him and he seems honestly apologetic about it, too, which Jiang Cheng doesn’t understand.

“It’s not your fault,” Jiang Cheng says. “We knew he wouldn’t notice or care about this, as long as things still at work run smoothly. Are they still running smoothly?” Jiang Cheng asks and Wei Wuxian buries his face in Jiang Cheng’s pillow.

So they are not.

“No. Everyone is too stupid to get me the deal I need to launch the new project I have. I am nothing without you, A-Cheng, please help me,” Wei Wuxian begs and Jiang Cheng allows himself a very self-satisfactory smile.

He knew he did good work at his father’s company, but it’s nice to hear it, anyway.

“No,” he easily says, because there is no way he is ever going to step foot back into the company as long as his father leads it. “I can help you, but if I do, the project will have to launch for Nie Corps,” Jiang Cheng informs Wei Wuxian who looks at him with big eyes.

“Lan Zhan would kill me if I go and work for Nie Corps,” he whispers, and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“Well, then you either go to your boyfriend with this and hope he can help you, or you’ll accept defeat and come to me,” Jiang Cheng says, smug as all hell, because he knows that for all that Lan Wangji is a good business man he lacks the edge to make the deals Jiang Cheng used to make.

They won’t be able to launch Wei Wuxian’s designs in their entirety and Wei Wuxian always hates it when he has to concede to changes.

“You are so goddamn mean,” Wei Wuxian whines. “Is this Mingjue-ge’s influence? Do I have to separate you two?”

“You can certainly try, but you won’t succeed,” Jiang Cheng says confidently, because for all that it has only been three weeks, he knows that Nie Mingjue is as unwilling as he himself is to let anyone or anything come between them.

“I don’t even want to try,” Wei Wuxian sighs. “I like how you two are together.”

“I like it, too,” Jiang Cheng admits, warmth unfurling in his chest when he thinks about Nie Mingjue and Wei Wuxian makes a gagging noise before he composes himself again.

“Do you think there’s a position for me in Nie Corps?” he then asks and Jiang Cheng smiles because he already talked about this with Nie Zonghui.

“As luck will have it, yes,” he tells Wei Wuxian who perks up at that.

“Really?”

“Really,” Jiang Cheng nods. “Mingjue hates that we still launched the phone for father’s company and he’d love to get his hands on whatever you design next. I talked to Nie Zonghui about it as well, and he thinks the same, so if you should decide you’re ready to leave father and—more importantly—you’re ready to face Lan Wangji’s ire, then you have a position there. We’d be working together again.”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian screams and reaches for his phone. “Lan Zhan knows I love him, but I love inventing almost as much as him. He’ll understand.”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t doubt it for a second, because he has seen how indulgent Lan Wangji is with Wei Wuxian and even though it would be a huge blow for Lan Enterprises to lose Wei Wuxian to Nie Corps, he’ll probably help Wei Wuxian on the way, if he should need it.

“There’s just one thing,” Jiang Cheng says as Wei Wuxian furiously types away at his phone.

“What?” he reluctantly asks and drags his eyes away from whatever answer Lan Wangji has sent.

“Could you tough it out for a few more weeks?” Jiang Cheng asks, and he knows that he’s asking for a lot from his brother.

“You want to see me crash and burn,” Wei Wuxian says, and he doesn’t sound as upset about it as he probably should be.

“No,” Jiang Cheng immediately says, because that’s not at all what he wants.

“I want to see father crash and burn because he always depends on others to do the job and doesn’t even acknowledge it. I want him to see that your genius inventions don’t work on their own; I want him to see that I did actually do a whole bunch of work for your things to be presentable. I just want him to—”

Jiang Cheng trails off because if he’s being honest he doesn’t even know what he wants. He knows his father will never be proud of him and he accepted that and moved on.

“You just want him to suffer,” Wei Wuxian sums up and Jiang Cheng has to admit that maybe he’s just petty enough to want that, yes.

“Fine,” Wei Wuxian agrees with a sigh. “I will let this project run into the ground; it’s not like anyone working with me there can pull a miracle out of their ass like you always did. But,” he says and points a finger at Jiang Cheng. “You have to promise that we’ll launch the same project under Nie Corps after I transfer there.”

“Promise,” Jiang Cheng tells him without hesitation, because he might have shared the newest idea Wei Wuxian came up with with Nie Mingjue already, and he was so mad that it would be a huge blow against them again.

It will not be a problem to launch this under Nie Corps name.

“Then I agree. I’ll stay there until Uncle Fengmian realizes he’s nothing without you.”

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng says and then tackles Wei Wuxian back into the bed, because he can, but mostly because Wei Wuxian is the best brother anyone could wish for.

~*~*~

This family dinner is bound to be awkward as hell, Jiang Cheng already knows it, and he’s honestly looking forward to it. Jiang Fengmian hasn’t called for a dinner in months now and Jiang Cheng knows he’s only doing it now because Wei Wuxian’s project failed spectacularly and cost his father’s company a whole lot of money and Jiang Fengmian might just have come to the realization that Jiang Cheng wasn’t as useless as he always thought.

Jiang Cheng can only hope.

“I can’t believe that I get real pay now,” Wei Wuxian still gushes at Jiang Cheng’s side, because they are just coming from their meeting with Nie Mingjue and Nie Zonghui where Wei Wuxian signed the contract that officially makes him an employee at Nie Corps.

Jiang Cheng is still laughing at how big Wei Wuxian’s eyes got when he saw that he would be paid in full and not just as an intern.

“It’s quite nice, to get regular pay,” Jiang Cheng agrees, because he has saved every penny he could so far, simply because he wants to be prepared for what comes after college.

He doubts that Nie Mingjue will kick him out of the company when he has his degree, but Jiang Cheng learned to be cautious nonetheless and it can never hurt to put some money on the side.

“I can’t wait what he’s going to say today. I handed in my resignation this morning, but he wasn’t there to take it, much like with yours,” Wei Wuxian tells him again and Jiang Cheng already knows how this will go.

His father will do anything he can to get Wei Wuxian back and then he’ll ask Jiang Cheng why he still isn’t over whatever tantrum he’s throwing.

Well, Jiang Cheng has a few choice words ready for him.

“Did Yanli say anything about this dinner?” Jiang Cheng asks, because he has been so busy today that he didn’t get a chance to speak with her.

“She doesn’t know about it,” Wei Wuxian says and Jiang Cheng actually laughs at that.

Of course she doesn’t.

“Oh, this is great,” Jiang Cheng wheezes. “It’s not a family dinner, it’s a fucking business dinner.”

That stops Wei Wuxian cold in his tracks.

“Are we even allowed to take those? Should we call Nie Zonghui to confirm?” he asks and Jiang Cheng throws his arm around his shoulder.

“Zonghui allowed me to deal with father however I see fit, so this will not be a problem.”

“Good, because I don’t want to be fired on the spot,” Wei Wuxian tells him and Jiang Cheng shoves him away.

“As if,” he says. “Did you see how wide Zonghui’s eyes went when you explained your invention? He’s going to keep you.”

“I hope so,” Wei Wuxian mutters, but he was preening with all the praise Nie Zonghui gave him and they all know it.

“So, let’s do this,” Jiang Cheng says when the house comes into view and they both straighten up.

Time to face the music.

Jiang Fengmian doesn’t come to meet them at the entrance, but instead waits for them, already seated at the head of the table.

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng share one look and then sit down as well, because it’s quite clear he will not invite them to do so.

“Wei Wuxian, what is this nonsense I hear about you resigning?” Jiang Fengmian starts, and he doesn’t even spare Jiang Cheng a glance.

It stings, like it always does, but this what Jiang Cheng expected.

“It’s not nonsense,” Wei Wuxian says, for once in his life deadly serious. “I resigned, because I didn’t get the support I needed in your company.”

“You always had all the support,” Jiang Fengmian says and Wei Wuxian throws a look at Jiang Cheng.

“Uncle Fengmian, no offense, but the only person who always supported me was Jiang Cheng. He’s the only reason half of my inventions are presentable and without him—” He shrugs. “No one can quite do his job.”

“Jiang Wanyin,” Jiang Fengmian says and turns to Jiang Cheng, who smiles pleasantly at his father.

“You hear this? Wei Wuxian resigned because you decided to throw a tantrum. You’re ruining his future, if you keep this up. I expect you back at work on Monday.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Jiang Cheng says and he thoroughly enjoys how big Jiang Fengmian’s eyes go. “I resigned quite a few weeks ago, and I already have a new job. I will not be coming back.”

“What?” Jiang Fengmian says and then shakes his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. I saw no such resignation.”

“That’s because you ignore everything I do,” Jiang Cheng says with a shrug. “I handed it in to your assistant because you couldn’t be bothered to see me that day. He confirmed that I handed it in and since you kept us at the company with an intern contract, it’s a valid form of resignation.”

“Are you really going to ruin your brother’s future just because you’re mad I didn’t have time for you?” Jiang Fengmian asks and Wei Wuxian flinches like he always does when Jiang Fengmian uses him against Jiang Cheng.

“No, I’m not,” Jiang Cheng says. “I recruited Wei Wuxian to the company I work at now. Wei Wuxian will be quite able to go as wild as he wants to with his inventions there.”

“And there I’ll have the backing I need to get them to the market,” Wei Wuxian chimes in and Jiang Fengmian frowns.

“But you always did that yourself.”

“No,” Wei Wuxian says with a snort. “I’m shit at getting people to do what I want. That was always Jiang Cheng. He made all the necessary deals. And you never cared.”

“And now you conspired together to make me see my mistake,” Jiang Fengmian says, as if he still believes that this is just a test or something and they will come to their senses soon. “Well done.”

“You misunderstand,” Jiang Cheng says. “This was not to teach you a lesson or whatever you think this is. This is us going our own way.”

“A-Cheng, don’t be like that,” Jiang Fengmian says, and Jiang Cheng clenches his jaw at that name.

His father only ever uses it when he wants Jiang Cheng to go conform with what he orders.

“Don’t,” Wei Wuxian hisses. “He’s not a petulant child you get to lecture,” he goes on. “He grew so much, and he’s a better business man than you will ever be. You don’t get to be condescending like that.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng says, because it’s okay.

It’s what he expected.

“I’m guessing wherever you work, you get full pay,” Jiang Fengmian says, because of course.

If the emotional manipulation doesn’t work, then money will do the trick.

Well, he’s fresh out of luck today.

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng says, because it was ridiculous to begin with that they were paid like an intern when they pulled half the company along.

“I will pay that to you, too,” Jiang Fengmian says and Wei Wuxian looks at Jiang Cheng, because clearly he knows him better than his father ever will.

Jiang Cheng smiles at him because he’s feeling quite petty this evening.

“I want you to ask,” Jiang Cheng says, and sees how Jiang Fengmian works his jaw a few times.

“Jiang Cheng, would you please come back to the company,” he says after less time than Jiang Cheng expected and even though it’s not quite a question it definitely feels like a win to him.

The loss they had from Wei Wuxian’s last invention must have been worse than Jiang Cheng imagined.

“No,” Jiang Cheng very pleasantly says and then gets up. “I’ll consider this a business meeting, you’ll be hearing from my boss with the driving expenses,” Jiang Cheng says, and he thoroughly enjoys how Jiang Fengmian goes white in the face.

“A-Ying,” he tries next, but Wei Wuxian is standing shoulder to shoulder with Jiang Cheng and for once in their life they won’t allow Jiang Fengmian to throw a wrench between them.

“No, Uncle Fengmian. We’re not coming back,” he says and his voice doesn’t leave any room for an argument.

“Where are you working now,” Jiang Fengmian demands to know, as if he could challenge whatever company took Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian up and Jiang Cheng bares his teeth at him.

“You’ll know when Wei Wuxian’s next big invention hits and steals half the market from you,” he says and then he simply leaves, Wei Wuxian hot on his heels.

“That was awesome,” Wei Wuxian says as soon as they are outside of the house and Jiang Cheng laughs because he has to admit that it was.

“So very awesome,” he agrees. “We should have done this so much earlier.”

“We should have,” Wei Wuxian nods and then he lights up in a way that tells Jiang Cheng that he caught sight of Lan Wangji.

“Oh, look, it’s Lan Zhan,” he predictably says and he waves like a madman, before he turns towards Jiang Cheng with a wink. “Don’t worry, I called Mingjue-ge for you, too,” he says and then he skips over to Lan Wangji laughing the whole time.

Jiang Cheng would be mad at him, except then he sees Nie Mingjue get out of a car, clearly only waiting for him and Jiang Cheng can’t find it in him to be mad at his brother.

“How was your business dinner?” Nie Mingjue asks him, a threatening undertone to his voice and Jiang Cheng leans up and kisses him.

“Awesome,” Jiang Cheng honestly says. “Father is going to go grey when he hears for whom we’re working now.”

“I wish I could see his face when he finds out,” Nie Mingjue says, because it’s no secret that he never liked Jiang Fengmian.

“Same,” Jiang Cheng says and then threads their fingers together. “But enough about my father. Are you here to take me out for a date dinner?”

“I would guess you had enough business dinners for today,” Nie Mingjue says with a fond smile and kisses Jiang Cheng again. “So date dinner it is.”

“Best day ever,” Jiang Cheng says with a laugh and then waves when Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian drive past them.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

It really has been one good day.

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