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sukisukidaisuki66 · 8 months

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#hardly anyone is going to see the stuff that I’m going through #because sometimes i remain so prívate #my ocd has it roots on me feeling like i should be the one responsible of everything #it is hard to see all that i enduro i guess #nobody knows how hard i try in school eve ruda y #how difficult both my ocd and my adhd make college for me #how I’m often always hidding my needs because money is so tight #so i had to pay for my own things and make my own money waaaaay before most of my friends #which put a lot of stress on myself #now i also struggle with letting others pay things for me because of that #like I’m taking responsibility in paying for things most people my age still don’t pay #and i can’t help but feel sorry for myself #most people don’t know the stuff i go through daily #and i mean #i think I’m doing okay #I’m proud of myself #i really don’t know how did i got this far #but at the same time #i long for someone to let me break with them #i wish i could be vulnerable #i wish people would see me breaking #and that they would be there for me #and that they truly knew how hard some things are for me #and the effort i put daily #but god #I’m so stubborn #I’m someone who fuck it rarely gives up #i was born at 4lbs #premature #against many odds

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puppyeared · 7 months

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ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

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seekingthestars · 1 month

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not to just whine about things but

things with my grandma are Not Good, which is stressful and thinking about the mortality of people i love is Not Fun Ever

and this means that my dad is Very Stressed and Frustrated about things and also Exhausted (and i think reaching a limit)

which means that my mom is Stressed and Frustrated about things

which means that i have to listen to them both vent to each other and also separately vent to ME

which means i am Very Stressed and Uncomfortable when i'm ALREADY stressed about work stuff and general sarah's-life stuff

and there is absolutely no good solution to this. none. at all.

but i am very tired.

#personal #i'm trying to find my peace where i can #but damn #life sure is a lot #i did decline a friend's wedding invite which i felt bad about but also immediately lifted a whole boulder of stress off my shoulders #but it was an out-of-town wedding and i would have had to book an expensive hotel for minimum 1 night #but she wanted 2 nights bc she wants to do a welcome party the day before too #and take a day off work #and spend $$ in gas and meals and i'd have to find something to do that entire saturday before the wedding #and i looked at my life and how stressed i am and how much of a monetary commitment that was gonna be #and how much other stuff i have in may (which is a TON)#and i just quietly noped out of the situation #slowly trying to learn how to take care of myself and put my own physical and mental wellbeing first weeeee /waves pom-poms tiredly

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calamitydaze · 1 month

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long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks

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thefleshyougoveggie · 1 month

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no bc the struggle of balancing getting a lot of study done and getting enough rest and stuff is so real

#i have a huge test in like one and a half week #and i’m studying soo much #but i don’t wanna overwork myself either #but i HAVE to study #and uni applications are due like two days after #i mean i don’t have to do a lot just choose which programmes i wanna apply for and i’ve already put in a few #but the lists gotta get bigger and i’m like aaaaaaaah #it’s stressful #but oh well #after that it’ll be… a bit less stressful #atlas the thinker #personal

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flower-zombie-rob · 1 year

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Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.

#Sometimes I really do just honestly kind of hate her. I know it's a horrible thing to say about one's parents who care for them but it's #true. With the way that she treats me and criticises me and takes every advantage of a chance to tear me down it just really hurts all the #time. I can't criticise her because she ll fly off the handle at me and say how many things she does for me that i dont apreciate enough #But for her she can say as many times as she wants that she doesn't like my hair and she doesn't like the way I dress and she doesn't like #This the way I look and she doesn't like the way I stand and she doesn't like the things I say and she doesn't like my beliefs #She can say she doesn't like my tone of voice and that she doesn't like the way i stress out about things and im not allowed to say #A negative word about her in edgeways when she's allowed to tear me down on a constant basis and make me hate myself. As someone who really #Struggles with a lot of self loathing problems and self hatred she really does just rip into me with no restraint constantly. She knows #That I suffer with some serious rejection sensitive dysphoria that I am trying to get therapist help for and she still has no restraint #When it comes to criticising me and everything I am and everything I like. And she has the goal to do this thing where she is kind of peer #Pressures me into agreeing with the things that she says which in turn just makes me consolidate those horrible beliefs about myself in my #own head. If I don't agree with her criticism of me I can't just say so I have to not along with her and affirm to myself that those #Things are true. That I don't like my own hair that I don't like my face and my makeup and my clothes. That my preferences are wrong and #That I dress too androgynously. That I could never experiment with things like pronouns or gender and that I have to agree with societally #Homophobic undertoned things that she says because I can't bare to have her criticise me again and again and again for critisising her.#I can't do this anymore it makes me dread every time she comes into my room to talk to me about some new thing she doesn't like about me. I #And constantly stressing about how much people dislike me and how annoying I am #And the fact that I'm literally hiding the things that I want to wear from her so i can put them on when i get away from her and yet she #she will still get upset if I criticise her for making me literally hate myself on a regular basis. she wont beleive me and she'll be #Confused if I have a belief that doesn't match hers and she'll get so excited when I even possibly hint at doing something to my appearance #that she likes and knows I don't. I worry wake for comic corner she wouldn't shut up about how much my hair looks really good in a style i #dont want to cut it. If I dress in a way that's openly queer she ll act like I'm going to get #and i quote “the wrong kind of attention” Because she thinks that me even possibly being misgendered because of my clothing is a #disgusting crime and that I should be the perfect Barbie doll pink pretty princess she always wanted her children to be. She wants me to be #Someone that I can't be comfortably and she's essentially forcing me to fit this mould of her preferred child. Which obviously makes me #Despise who I am and hate my own interests and style. And as horrible and hurtful as it is to say this #I can't wait to get away from her.#sigh #vent #harsh morning

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arcaneyouth · 10 days

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it is So Weird how working on my comic makes me feel like i have more free time. and gives me more free time. logically, working on 3 comic pages a week would mean i have Less Time. but no. despite everything, i'm getting more done and able to use my time better now that i'm working on comic pages again. what the hell is up with that.

#it's probably the structure and routine tbh i've been doing this for 6 years #i feel way less stressed about all the stuff i have to do than the 2 months i wasn't working on the comic #and arguably i have more to do now!!!!!#there's just so many little things that working on my comic helps me with. vital part of my daily and weekly structure #1) gives me a Main Goal to focus on every week and it's a goal that i know is achievable #2) gives me things to do almost every day that i am able to get started on right away and then will have free time later when i'm done #3) on days i'm not working on it i feel more comfortable doing things for fun or completing smaller tasks #4) because it's a weekly schedule i actually know what day it is now. completely lost track of the days before. made me really scared tbh #5) actually allows me to relax. the way i make pages means it's a lil bit mindless half the time. which is nice #i spent most of the last 2 months when i wasn't making comic in bed. because i had nothing else to do #now i am not doing that! because even when i'm not working on pages i have the motivation to do things!#this is an ironic post to make when i've spent like 6-7 hours today just playing fathomverse #but that's the thing!!!! instead of hating myself for doing that i still feel like i can get shit done!#also i already knew all this about making comics and how i function but. man idk how to put this #i spent the last 2 months struggling to do fucking Anything #and it was after i was so sure i could handle taking a break from the comic #and it was after lots of people have told me i need to put the comic down and get a job #or do anything that isn't making a comic #i have been working on the comic again for 9 days. and already everything feels more manageable #i literally Need to have projects like this. if i dont i will lose my mind. nobody tell me i need to do other things with my life ever agai

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gothmods · 3 months

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More and more i feel like taking a hardline stance that unless there is reasonable evidence a user is a danger to others i will simply block/unfollow/avoid and generally deal with things privately wherever possible is best for everyones safety my own included

#not about recent events as such im just generally thinking about how easy it is for shit to be weaponised as a means of public humiliation #but also i think the best thing for me mentally is to avoid certain topics in any context #the ways in which people call out certain things are just as stressful as the thing itself because ultimately the impact is the same #<- the impact being it stirs up a lot of stress and dread and puts me in a place where im a lot more prone to thoughtspiralling #some things i can really only handle in very careful conversations #and idk i think i need to be more serious about preventing myself from getting to that point where i am more vulnerable to spiralling #this is very vague because i genuinely really struggle to even name the specific things that trigger me #to be clear though this isnt about bigotry or general cruelty

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pendragora · 4 months

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Might a girl live without any body horrors for just one fucking night

#le sigh #sometimes i really. really. REALLY want to shake my mother up. look her in the eyes and yell on top of my lungs #why? because she is the source of this... pesky and disgusting thought that i only ever am beautiful if i am tiny light and petite #which i am not. 1) i am 5'9 which doesnt sound like a lot but usually i am the tallest person in the room #2) i have been obsessively working out most of my life out of fear of growing big and this? this gave me a trained muscle #i feel big. i feel heavy. i cant change my diet because i am autistic. because there is barely anything to change after all that time.#i just want to. i just want to feel okay about the way i am. may i please for the love of gods at least see myself as normal. feel neutral #i am tired of weighting myself and having to talk myself out of the feeling of disgust when the digits get to 74 #i am tired of stressing over a single sentimeter above my usual 100-70-100-ish figure #i am so so SO tired of seeing myself as ugly or fat the moment i put on something comfy and big. the moment my clothes are not a second skin #for the love of gods. please. how long is this going to take? how much longer can i possibly work for body neutrality?#i dont even ask to ever be positive about the way i look. i just. i just want to not eant to cut parts of myself off in delusional hopes #how many more nights will i spend crying because of this #how long. HOW LONG #this is too much #lena exposed

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday #and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased #im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool #and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it #am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them #which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd #and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to #the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.#ugh its like my boss said #sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project #but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it #but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the #info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel #god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im #so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts #sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now #so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times #and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away #idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4 #it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me #also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at #but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly #literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol #whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history #bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk #its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway #i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried #unrelated

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...

BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!

I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]

I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...

But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2

THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass

BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)

#snap chats #IN REGARDS TO Jo In Situations that is. VAGUELY my specialty #ive at least thought of jo's attitudes towards affection/relationships #and i Do Not Think he sleeps AS adequately as he should whether it's due to just. Overworking or #If I May Dare To Think he might be prone to night terrors #the Danger Zone of me thinking of Jo In Situations that dont have a lot of background is that i end up projecting a LOT of my issues LMAO #i dont know what it says about me when a lot of those issues seem to fit him #i do try my best NOT to over project of course i try to keep everyone relatively in the bounds of believability to their charas #which is why its funny when i do end up doin a lil projection it works out. Apparently #not sure i could do the same when it comes to jo's POV on his name and body tho. i hate those things bout myself for uh #VERY different reasons LMAOO tho i could imagine jo harboring some feelings of. hm. whats the word.#not Total Disgust But Some and Some Agitation whenever he has to acknowledge he exists outside of being a tool. To Put It Bluntly #cause we know he sees himself as a tool in some aspects- a bullet more specifically. so i can imagine instances where he has to Be A Human #its just. Ew Whats That LMAO YK WHAT I MEAN i do. i know what i mean. mirrors are evil #SORRY IM RAMBLING i shouldnt be.. i got gameritis <- i fucked up my wrists playing sonic riders somehow and it hurts to move #point is i very much enjoy thinking of jo and i enjoy looking at him through a multitude of lenses so AGAIN #thank you much for writing in :] im sorry i have three jewel beetles and a cicada shell for a brain #i am always interested in reading what you have to say tho... cant stress that enough..#truly curious for how jo will be in infinite wealth now that he Doesnt have to be a bullet anymore. what are you like my guy.. lemme see..#now pardon me while i fuck up my wrists more. i do not want to do my job today (i will soon im just delaying the inevitable. as a treat)

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reenaria · 11 months

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currently having a queer identity crisis on this accursed holiday

#but actually. i’ve realized that like. 95% or more of my attraction to men has been comphet #i thought it wasn’t because i’ve been more or less identifying as bi since i was 11 #so like. i figured if i didn’t like men at all i would’ve figured it out sooner?#it wasn’t until a couple years ago that i resolved to stop dating straight & masculine guys because i feel like i’m performing for them #and my current partner of 2.5 years is amab and socially perceived as a man but he’s bi and sees himself as ‘void of gender’#which is also the way i see him but not the way most people see him #he does get mistaken for a woman a fair ammount though. which brings us both a lot of joy lol #but anyway. my crisis is that i’ve been feeling more and more detached from the bi label because i feel like it implies attraction to men #and i’ve known for a little while now that i’m almost exclusively attracted to femininity and androgyny #and primarily attracted to women in general #like if i weren’t with my partner i would 100% be out there dating women and maybe? identifying as a lesbian #but i feel like i have no claim to that label especially with my current partner who is not a woman and is much more androgynous than fem #idk. do i keep calling myself bi? it feels like i’ve slipped away from it #i’ve been using queer a lot more lately because umbrella terms are the only thing that seem to make sense to me anymore #i know labels can be super complicated and unhelpful in some cases but i also want to know where my place is in the community ya know?#i feel so confused without a solid label and it’s causing me a lot more stress than it should #(also my partner is such a blessing and said he’d be supportive if i ever felt i needed to leave him to be with women)#(like he said ‘i’d be sad for a while but i’d still be your best friend) and i was just 🥺#this may be even longer than my last tag novel lmao i just hate the idea of putting this stuff in the body of the post #anyway if any pals/mutuals read all that and have any insight or advice i’d be curious to hear #reena.txt

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Day whatever it is recap!

#📸#I think it’s day five maybe #also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/#probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh #and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three #hours in a car to get to him #so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe.#I didn’t really do a lot today #at least not postable stuff #a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life #idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling #anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home #at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure #but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood #vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs #fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig #but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun #thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother #made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then #immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so #miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter #sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being #dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting #a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went #from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every #one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t #want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please #I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until #I saw my mom and grandparents #my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)

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toytulini · 2 years

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What are some interesting parasitic worm facts???

theres like a whole bunch of them that end up ur lungs and make cough them up to reswallow them and get back into ur gut and thats just so fucking wild. also tapeworms dont have mouths? also if u get tapeworms by eating the eggs instead of eating baby worm cysts in meat of a prey animal then u get them to do baby worm cysts in YOUR meat instead and that can include the brain meat which apparently can sometimes cause epilepsy? and also is probably like the biggest evidence that the "tapeworm diet" was bullshit bc it was supposedly offering eggs which would give u the baby worm cysts in ur muscles and tissues instead of an adult worm in ur gut just stealing some nutrients.

#parasites tw #anonymous #anon #ask #parasitic worms #sorry this isnt much i like just woke up #and i actually havent been able to like lose myself in hyperfocus about worms in like months for idk reasons. stressed #sad :(#the WHO just straight up is not tracking tapeworms bc its so often like asymptomatic?#or symptoms are usually mild IF u get the adult worms #apparently it might be one of the most common if not the most common cause of infectious epilepsy in #a lot of parts of the world which. i did not realize #was possible and certainly not from worms?#to be clear this is not like. The only cause of epilepsy and i am not saying that everyone with epilepsy has worm cysts in their brain.#i do not know much about epilepsy #ALSO i recently learned guinea worm is no longer only found in humans which might. put a damper on eradication efforts #BUT eradication efforts seem to be going well there dont seem to be a lot of guinea worm infections or endemic countries anymore #also guinea worm removal treatment is pretty much the same as its always been where u just kinda slowly wrap the worm around a stick or #piece of gauze as its slowly coming out of ur leg and apparently this treatment might be where the rod of asclepius is from #is the treatment of guinea worm!!!!#thats so fucking wild #parasites are terrifying and fascinating and also theyre like i have to have the most ridiculous complicated lifecycle or else #i didnt even really talk about any particularly complicated lifecycles just aaaaaaa u kno

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the-busy-ghost · 2 years

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Bonus of daydreaming about decorating the study when I‘m away from home- I tend to underestimate how much space there is up there, so I can daydream to my heart’s content and everything I want to put in should hopefully fit

Downside of daydreaming when nowhere near the room itself- the stairwell is TINY. A human being can turn round in there and that’s about it, so anything that goes into that upstairs room has to be small enough to fit up that stair or it has to be flatpacked. And the current range of (affordable) self-assembly armchairs on the market are not necessarily the most aesthetically pleasing beasts...

#Earth & Stone #I'd hoped to even manage to squeeze a fold-down armchair bed in there so I could use it as a spare bedroom if anyone came to stay #But those things are hefty beasts and the ikea flatpack ones are sadly extremely unattractive #The rest of the house is sparsely furnished and that actually suits me (though it must look weird to visitors)#Because I don't need a lot of Stuff and though maximalism is attractive it's also a lot of stress #But that little tower room was half the reason I bought the flat so you can bet I will be making it as aesthetically pleasing as possible #I'm talking secondhand bookshop crossed with Victorian gentleman-antiquarian's study vibes #It also means I can have people in for tea and coffee and still be cosy even though it will be years before the living room gets a sofa #But I don't have enough spare beds for my family at the moment so if they're all over I was hoping that one could have my room #And I could seal myself off in the study #Which is entered by a different door to the front of the house and very cold by nature so I wouldn't put a guest in there #Hence I'm dreaming of the impossible- a flatpack armchair bed that doesn't look extremely modern and basic #I also think if there's one room that will make me feel more at home in the new house it is that one #I can lock myself in and I will be able to wear my headphones to block out my neighbours' noise #Without getting paranoid that someone will be able to sneak up on me #I really am getting quite silly about my security though #I live in perfectly normal house with normal neighbours there is no reason for me to feel this paranoid about safety #I'm fine in my bed thank goodness

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angelsdean · 2 years

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wanna finish writing my garden fic but i’m kinda wilting

#like. usually i'm very confident and like yeah !! i'm literally writing this for me and only me bc i make the content i want to consume !#but now im feeling like :( idk #like it feels like i'm putting in all this work for an audience of one #which is stupid bc i Know there are ppl who've expressed interest in the fic and asked to be tagged etc #but i'm like. what if it doesn't live up to the hype ?? ugh.#plus it's evolved a lot from my original concept which was just. dean grieving and planting a garden in cas's memory until cas returns #and now it's also very much a 'dean is a good parent to jack' manifesto #so now i'm doubting if i've gone off track idk too many conflicting thoughts and feelings but i'll be fine just a little bump #i think it's rly that i'm just feeling burnt out abt work stuff and stressed abt a trip i'm going on at the end of the month #and it's putting a damper on my creative energies and making me channel my other anxieties onto there #lmao @ me psychoanalyzing myself in the tags

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