#which was only like a week but y'know
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Ravcosmo probably
[x]
#out of my too embarrassed to post things era#which was only like a week but y'know#it's not like you would know I wasn't posting#steam powered giraffe#spg#ravaxis starburner#commander cosmo#ravcosmo#my stuff#I've got quite a few hcs for them#I'd love to talk about them. but unfortunately I'm terrible at responding to broad questions#I have too many options to pick from in my brain. how could I ever pick out just one or two#but I don't want to dump too much either bc that would leave me little wiggle room to change my mind in the future#awaaaa#thoughts thoughts thoughts
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#shedinja#now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever#y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think#you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is#so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago#and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months#i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago#by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up#while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease#and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for#if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear#i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur#spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next#also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there#because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE#you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there#you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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It's actually insane how much Twilight was the blueprint for my fixation on Jon. Tired stressed out academic who I want to ship w/ everyone (except their canon love interest) and who I needed to see suffering and struggling and who I was literally constantly biased for regardless of circumstances. They are truly the Characters of all time to me.
#out of my mlp phase so i'm not as obsessed w/ her but she'll always be a Special Little Guy to me#the rest of the 6 are okay w/ me i guess but she's the one who truly matters most to me.#i could happily read a story where literally none of the others are there but if there's a fic and she's not in it then its like#'ok but where is twilight?? where is my most favoritest pruple pony?? where did she gooooo??'#anyway this is why i want to chew on jon's vertebrae. it's because he is like Her but he spends so much time suffering#and i want to feed on that#like in canon nothing too too bad ever happens to her cause y'know. kids show.#and most of the fics i was reading never strayed too far into the Pain Mines.#but jon was born in the Pain Mines. he spends the entire podcast in the Pain Mines. so there's more opportunities to see him suffer#which only makes me want to crave putting him in the blender more#also i was less of a freak in high school and early college which is why i wanted to chew on her less#maybe one day i'll get back into mlp and i'll spend weeks obsessing over the thought of her being totally isolated from everyone#(not sure what i'm referencing? check out my 'lonely jon' tag to get an in-depth look into the depths of my psyche!)
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pixel cat's end i love you.
flight rising.... you're okay (joking, i love you too)
#gremlin blabs#i do love pce a little bit more tho#fr is... more stressful than pce#there's a lot of things you pretty much HAVE to do#where pce.... you don't really HAVE to do anything#you could go two weeks doing literally nothing at All on there and it'd be Fine.#no penalties. nothing you'd really miss unless snowmelt or leaf day was going on#you can take everything at your own pace and there is no punishment for taking as long as you need#but fr... you have to feed your dragons (i mean you don't HAVE to but. y'know.)#you have to refill your food stocks when they get low/run out#you have to gather so that you don't run out of food#if you don't feed your dragons... you lose out on the bonuses. which ultimately feels like a punishment#but at the end of the day i still love fr#i wouldn't still be here if i didn't/if it was too much#i've never been one to stick with petsites for long#before i joined fr i'd last... maybe a year or so on a petsite#then i'd always end up abandoning it#bc it'd be too much or i'd get too bored#i've been on fr for 7 and a half years.#and pce has been the only other one i've been able to stick with#especially since i have fr to worry about#i kept trying to add another one on but i would end up getting so overwhelmed and stressed#mostly because of the other petsite and not fr#because so many petsites are just.... so stressful tbh. even fr is pretty lax all things considered#compared to like. wolvden or wolfplay... it's so much easier.#with those petsites i never even made it to a year.#but pce is SO chill that i was able to add it no problem#and i have yet to drop it and i don't think i will#ofc it's only been like a year and a half#but still. that's generally longer than most petsites last
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on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day
#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :///#and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones#should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess#my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it#like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it#but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh.#i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update#but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know#if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend#but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks#and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me#i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao#delete later maybe#just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com
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i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i
#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too#but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior#but idek what is going on with me#is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain#scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire#this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting#and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out#and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident#anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things.#but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him#i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move#(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to)#(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me)#(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over)#earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like#Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you#and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend.#what the FUCK is wrong with me rn#ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show#bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right??#starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad.#lizzo_boys.mp3
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im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick
#tales from diana#i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now#don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!!#but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do#i can do everything right#and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY#only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems!#but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read.#just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy#ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know.#and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall#most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep#rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd.#sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know.#but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much.#my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago#but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill#and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half.#i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication#and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried#it might not be so effective.#but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours#i had energy throughout the day too#i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk.#i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad#but whatever. whatever!#im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone
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love those moments in academia where you're like "oh. i'm so fucked."
#damien.txt#not only did i procrastinate writing this research essay i also procrastinated choosing a topic lmaooo#it's 3 p.m....... do we think it'll happen lol#to be fair! i've been sick for the past week. but uh. yeah i should've done some of it probably lol#it's really not a hard essay i just need to. choose something. which is..... hard#bc i have to like. research a historical object from a book we've read in the class so far?#and it has to be specifically from the victorian era. which is. harder than you might think#truly going to have to start digging through these texts#but i have noooo motivationnnnnnn#the day-of deadline anxiety really hasn't kicked in bc my neurodivergent brain has lapsed into#'this is SOO much work and impossible so we shouldn't even do it' mode. y'know? there's a word for it that i can't think of atm#but uhhh it's making my life difficult rn#playing totally fucked from spring awakening in the hopes that my brain triggers back into anxiety mode so i can do it
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Hey Sophie, I've never seen a Wes Anderson movie! Any suggestions on what to start with?
Hey! Oooo, yeah, I think I'd say to start either with Fantastic Mr. Fox or The Royal Tenenbaums?
The latter was my entry point to Wes Anderson and is definitely the one of his I've rewatched the most. The cast is amazing, but I think it encapsulates a lot of what I love about his work at its purest which is stylisation and comedy for the sake of emphasising genuinely human moments, and emotional truths that just rip a hole in you. If I was to ever make a list of my top fifty movies, I think The Royal Tenanbaums would be on it (Ben Stiller's line deliver of I've had a rough year, dad is genuinely iconic to me).
Fantastic Mr. Fox I think though is just both good and pretty accessible? His style of writing/direction/filmmaking lends itself well to stop motion, and he's a bit of a dream match for Roald Dahl adaptations tbh. It's a great movie and a great story anyway, and particularly if you feel inclined / know you like animation, I think Fantastic Mr. Fox is a very good place to start.
#i do genuinely love wes anderson's films overall but i don't love all his work which is okay!#my most controversial opinion is i don't like moonrise kingdom#and i don't reaaaally like life aquatic either#funnily enough i took my mum#a Known Wes Anderson Hater#haha#to asteroid city this week and she (and i) loved it a lot#she was like hmmm maybe you can reintroduce me to wes anderson movies as we were leaving the cinema hahaha#she's only ever otherwise seen life aquatic and darjeeling limited and LOOK#i do get why you wouldn't like him if those were your only exposure to him#he can sometimes lean a bit style over substance#because his work IS so highly stylised#but it's why when he strikes the right balance his stuff just sings y'know?#film asks#welcome to my ama#i also had a couple of weeks off but am now BACK to seeing movies every tuesday at the cinema and it's genuinely the best
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kinda getting sick of the near daily ‘why don’t you do anything around the place’ argument from a hag who won’t even sneeze in the direction of being patient enough to like. let me do things
#yet alone consider that there might be a system in place for things#like. ok. bins are my job right. I do it closer to tea so that I might get the opportunity to either hide what I'm eating#if it's a frozen item because she yells at me for eating.#which gets annoying after a while lol#or if it's a night I have to get something in I can leave the door unlocked so it's easier because I get yelled at for that too#which I get it's not good for me but she leaves me with one other choice in Not Eating and doing that fucked with me so#I'd rather eat the unhealthy thing than nothing y'know#that's a tangent. anyway#but to her that's awful and bad even though grandpa did the same thing for a similar reason (they'd usually have frozen stuff for tea then)#she's conveniently forgotten that fact and has started doing it herself which for starters iss terrible for her#she's nearly eighty-five she shouldn't be doing that#and because she doesn't know what has to be done she ruins the order of operations#between this and the whole last week's bin scenario just. ugh.#she keeps thinking she's a poverty-stricken farmer when she won't even tend to her own veggies half the time#my m*ther does that!#she'll read about sleep and then yell at us for 'sleeping at the wrong time' and the article'll literally be on differing sleep schedules#being not only normal but ok#if you're not up by eight and home by five you're lazy#she genuinely thinks I spend all day doing nothing when I've been working and like yeah that work is drawing and reading oftentimes#but it's still work I have to get done!#even if i wasn't exhausted by the time we get home because y'know I have five million things wrong with me#I have fibromyalgia. I have pots. that makes me exhausted walking upstairs#I wouldn't be allowed to do any housework because 'it's too late in the day!'#ugh
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The Last Of Us show is very good!! Send Post
#That's it that's the emotion#Just watched the new episode!!#I'm like. Not entirely unspoiled about the plot from the games; but only in the vaguest terms that I'd've guessed anyway#due to; y'know; it being a story#so I have No Fuckening Ideas what's happening from week to week#(which still feels weird bc it's been at least years since I've watched something on a weekly release schedule)#tl;dr It's good; series' good
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Things I’m aiming for: Having a Weekly TV Guide this Sunday
#I did a bunch of doodling yesterday and most of it turned out Very Nice and Good#I finally finished the comic I started before I got sick! That was like three weeks ago!!#The entire time I was just like Hhhhhh don't smudge don't get spilled on don't wrinkle don't do anything just stay right where you are#Luckily it opted to do just that thank goodness and I was able to finish it! Now I just have to scan that and the two other pages I finished#Well technically I only finished one page but I /started/ a second one - yet another unfinished comic all sketched out!#I am incorrigible lol#But considering I'm not aiming to have the TV Guide done before Sunday that means I have Until then to work on it#And since I've been on Such a roll since recovering (mostly) - thank goodness btw - I have high hopes#I also want to make another speed draw in the meantime lol - goals! Let's see how many I'm able to hit#It actually ended up being detrimental to my bodily health in a perfect storm of doodling yesterday lol#Since I'm still not Officially moved in I am still without my rocking chair :( Which means getting traction on my sitting location is hard#I need very deep seats with comfortably sloping backs and the ability to rock* *Not always necessary but a Very Good bonus#I have none of the above so I can't lean back and bring my lap desk closer to my failing eyes#(My glasses need a check up but y'know - everything) Doesn't help but it is what it is#So instead I have to Lean Over my lap desk and support my head downwards rather than balancing it atop my neck#News - terrible. Just awful. Would not recommend#I can't get a win. But I will! Sometime! Soon!! I better >:0
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Keep forgetting to queue posts instead of posting them right away.
Gotta get back in the rhythm
#Random Timbit#to be fair I was using at least one extension for tumblr back in the day and and I haven't set any up since I came back#and I don't know if I'm going to anyway. I kind of always feel like I'm only here temporarily. But it's also been like 2 years already#Funnily enough I actually set up a cohost account a couple weeks back and then when I saw I wasn't getting through the queue#to become a real account I checked and saw that they posted that cohost was dying. So. Y'know. That's out#Honestly I wonder if switching social medias is really the move right now anyway. I'm not super social anymore#so it's not like I'm out there making connections so much as pitching my thoughts out into the void#which; to be fair; is not particularly dissimilar from hwo I've been using tumblr since I came back#but at least I got a couple of y'all on here who interact
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welp, for better or for worse I'm withdrawing from the teaching residency--nothing against it, just...I Don't. Own. A. Car. And all the best opportunities, along with some of the education parts of the residency, are very, very far from my house, and the public transit rides daily to and from locations is gonna be murder on my mental health (which will affect my physical health bc stress and IBS love to set each other off), so I'm calling it time to cut my losses, and take some more time to figure shit out
#wish I could say I'm sad about this but considering how much anxiety this has caused me bc I worry a lot I'm honestly?#just kinda relieved#like I meant it when I said nothing against the program#but I knew I'd have issues as soon as they told me they didn't offer any medical coverage#like I find it kinda hard to believe they've never had a potential resident who needs medications daily to function normally#the travel distances is what really did it for me though bc I have terrible travel anxiety as it is#and while I actually did enjoy public transit when I was in college I was only spending like maybe 3-4 hours tops travelling#and my college classes did not take 8 hours five days a week#there were other reasons for dropping it but yeah the not having a car thing screws me over so much#like I need a better-paying job to afford a car but I need a car to get to all the better-paying job opportunities#I am trapped in a hellish catch-22 and the best I can do is just focus on managing my current issues#anyhow I just literally can't afford the program which is insane considering they offer money but like#the amount they offer is on par with what I make in a year so I'm not making any more money#in fact I might be making less and I just can't afford that right now#like at least my job gives me health and dental even if it doesn't pay very well#anyhow I'm okay I really am I'm just *vaguely gestures* y'know#oracle of lore
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if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites
#this guy did jack shit for two full weeks when we're building the damn prototype#but STILL brought up the fact that most of our team blew off a report till the last minute in the beginning of march#*prototypes don't work* “sEe tHis iS wHy wE nEedEd tO hAvE a cOnvErsaTioN aBouT MS3”#like hon you lost the rights to the “y'all need to contribute more” argument the moment you left me hanging for 2-3 FUCKING WEEKS#like excuuuuuse me you been prioritizing extra curriculars all week get off your high horse stop lecturing everyone else about contribution#he made maybe 3 contributions? maybe?#first he 3D modeled an adapter and sent it to someone else to print (couldn't even do THAT himself smh)#then he sent the gc a sketch of an idea i roughly proposed literally the NIGHT BEFORE as his own contribution (that I ENDED UP BUILDING#then he...screwed on a few pipe fittings and called it a project :)#would be a LOT less pissed if he didn't show up to One Thing outside weekly team meetings/class#then apologize for slacking off BUT then launch into a FUCKING SPEECH ABOUT HOW HIM BEING HERE PROVES HIS COMMITTMENT#all because he DOESN'T LIKE GETTING UP EARLY. like sir. sir i am rIGHT FUCKING HERE. i was up till 4-5am working on this stfu#we've been building for three weeks and he's come into work on stuff wo me there ONCE for an HOUR#for context id spent about fifteen hours in the shop alone working on the fucking thing that WEEK#like im trying to be understanding ik tech week is hell#but i took “stepping back” as “i only have a few hours here and there to be in the shop and will do the writeups”#NOT “won't show up outside meetings AND we're splitting slides and writeups 80/20”#like id been in the lab all fuckin day and notice we have an assignment due (missed a SINGLE meeting due to exam)#and i ask him if theres anything i can do (and im thinking like look it over maybe add a spec or two)#and this fucker has the AUDACITY to ask me to write the full four paragraph summary cause he#*checks notes* copy-pasted some specs from milestone 3 so of COURSE its only fair that despite the fact I've been in the lab ALL DAY#that i write the four fuckin paragraphs too#course we're troubleshooting and he's like “did you clean the pump? did you disassemble it and rinse it?” like yes???#i did EVERYTHING i could think of before i even bothered texting you cause i know you're fucking useless#and then he raises fifteen different concerns which while valid would have been NICE TO HEAR WHEN I SENT YOU MY INITIAL DESIGNS#y'know BEFORE i spent over fifteen hours of my free time building this damn thing#with slackers i just pick up the work and move on with my life this idiot is trying to gaslight me into thinking that he contributed fairly#when i heard “i need to step back due to play stuff” i thought we'd be splitting it like 65:35 NOT FUCKING 95:5#and now hes probably going to give ME a poor peer review because I've been passive aggressive with him in the few meetings he showed up to#like i got shit going on too? how the fuck does he expect me to respond to being abandoned to do this shit myself
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