#which...has been an issue with everyone for several years it's always like what new job new place new significant other

[alphajocklover]

What about a G2S story about greasers? There's so few of those.

Imagine: A very lonely gay guy meets a rockabilly, greaser gang. They take him under their wing, which gay guy appreciates because of his loneliness. But slowly they start changing him, making him just like them.

In the end the lonely gay guy becomes a James Dean, Danny Zuco-wannabe with the gang becoming his new found family.

A lot of people think that Alphas and Betas are a relatively new thing. It makes sense to assume so in a way. Alphas as we know them are pretty new, but that’s only because Alpha culture has changed over time, just like ours. There were Alphas in the old west, in the ancient world, and even going back to the beginning of civilization as we know it. Recently I discovered an old book where someone had written down a number of stories about Alphas from the past. I guess I’m not the first person to document their behavior. One story in particular stuck with me though, so I’ve transcribed it here. Hope you enjoy.

Caleb Sparrow was a complete and utter nerd. An unhip clyde with a reputation for being a bit of a spaz. The kind of goof all the cool cats completely ignored. He was only really good at one thing: not standing out. A part of him hated that he was the way he was, that he was a loser with no friends. But a part of him was grateful. For a secretly queer man living in 1955, he was actually pretty lucky. No one bullied him (mainly because no one noticed him), his secret desires hadn’t been found out, and he had a good future ahead of him. He knew that eventually he’d land a steady job, find a swell gal who he could get along with well enough to marry, and live the traditional life his parents had always wanted of him. A part of him was grateful. But a part of him still hated it all. Hated how lonely he was, how he’d never find someone he’d really love, how his entire life was always going to be a lie. But he was resigned to it. Until… he met an Alpha named Biff.

Biff was everything Caleb wasn’t. He was the hippest greaser in town, with a handsome face, manly muscles, a souped up rag top and a gang of fellow greasers to hang with. Biff had it all. Sure all the squares all said he was bad news, but he didn’t care. He had it made in the shade. He had a different betty with him every night. That’s what made it so weird to everyone when Biff suddenly started being so friendly with Caleb. Caleb didn’t know what to make of it at first, and was pretty sure he was going to end up getting beat, but Biff was… well he was dreamy, so Caleb let himself believe that he really wanted to be his friend. He had no idea that Biff was just looking for a new Beta. Turning Caleb into the perfect Beta took less time than you’d expect. Caleb integrated into the gang with surprising ease, all of the other members treating him like they had been friends for life, and as he began to grow closer to the group and Biff, he began to change.

At first it was a slight change in style and lingo, trying to keep up with his new crew. Then he shot up several inches and began to pack on muscle, which the 19 year old brushed off as an overdue growth spurt. But over time the style changes became more and more drastic and his body grew at an even faster rate. Soon he wasn’t just the new kid, he was the second in command, right after Biff. That’s why everyone started calling him Deuce. Just like everyone else in the gang Deuce was muscular, cool, loved cars and was obsessed with Biff. Deuce eventually even came out to Biff and confessed his love, but Biff didn’t wanna deal with all the issues that came with having a queer beta, so he ‘suggested’ that Deuce was actually a pussy hound like him. Considering how many gals Deuce has played backseat bingo with I think Biff might have overdone it, but just like always he got what he wanted. Another manly, muscular, straight greaser for his gang.

**hey there guys! Never done anything with Greasers before, so it’s probably not as good as my usual stuff, but I had fun with it. Hope you all enjoy. Might revisit the idea of Alphas throughout history sometime**

[skippyv20]

Hi Skippy! I was thinking this morning about how blessed  this entire community is to have you as our fearless leader. I’ve followed you for years, and have often sought your advice and counsel on many very personal issues. You never fail to come through with wisdom, empathy, and kindness. So thank you for being you and shining some much-needed light onto this world. 

I wanted to give you a long-overdue update. I am the attorney anon who wrote last year about mental health, job, and family struggles, including a challenging marriage, a child with special needs, and a new diagnosis of bipolar disorder after suffering 30 years with wrong diagnoses and medication.

First the good news: my moods have stabalized on a new cocktail of meds, and I haven't had a severe depressive episode for almost a year! My mania is better too, but I do have some uncomfortable side effects. I am on lithium, and I worry about kidney issues and/or developing diabetes, which are two possible side effects.

Second bit of good news - I'm now working back at my old organization. If you told me that this time last year, I'd never have believed you. I was convinced my days as an atty were over because of my mental health issues. I considered filing for disability. The role is one I haven't held in 8 years, I had moved onto a prestigious position in that org before jumping ship to another org for a promotion. So it's a bit humbling to be back in this role, but I'm grateful to be here. I was stuck in a nightmare at my last job, which included at the end fighting disability discrimination.

Bad news: I still worry about my son, who is now 7, and doesn't seem to be where he needs to be. I've done everything for him, 4-5 different therapies a week since his premature birth. He has a physical disability and, while he is very smart and can keep up with his class, he just seems different than other boys his age.

My husband is incapable of providing emotional support, and I do think sometimes I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I am not happy, he is not happy, but I'm so afraid to cut the cord. My brother is going through a divorce and I know if I do too it'll cause my elderly parents even more distress. But this is a guy who - get this - snapped at waiters who came to the table carrying (free) cake to sing  happy birthday a few weeks ago. It was crazy and scary, and i just don't want to deal with a person like this anymore. I'm 42 now, not in my mid-30s like when you told me to be strong and leave him years ago...is it too late? I see signs of aging when I look in the mirror and I've gained some weight. I'm worried I've lost all of my appeal and don't want to be alone. My husband is very responsible and does do a lot of things around the house and for our son. If he didn't, it'd be a no brainer to divorce, but maybe it's worth salvaging for the help with things I can't always get to because of my issues? Not to mention our son would be crushed. 

Hi! So nice to hear from you. Thank you for such kind words, but I must say…I am NOT a leader. I am just here struggling along with everyone else. We get through one day at a time, together! Nice to know some things have changed. That is so wonderful your meds are working so well. Don’t spend time worrying about the side effects. If you focus on those you are robbing yourself of joy. If you just keep going for your scheduled appts with your doctor, he will be watching for you.

I understand what you mean about being in one job and going back to another. I was working as a secretary in the government. I was chosen to create a new intake position, that was non existent. It was a six month term. At the end of the six months, I was back as a secretary being supervised again, by the same woman I had been supervising for six months. Everyone thought it was so strange. I didn’t though. I look at things differently I guess. A job is a job, and whatever it is, as long as you know you are doing the best you can….it doesn’t matter what the job is. You just take it one day at a time. After all, a job is not your whole life…right?

Children are strange little things. They do things at their own rate. He sounds like he is doing very well, he is keeping up! Great job! Seems different than other boys? That is ok…your child is who he is….it’s not a contest. Different is ok. My daughter was different as a child, an old soul. She is different now as she is bipolar. There are quirks….makes life interesting…..embrace him, just as he is….

I will always advise anyone who is being emotionally or physically abused to leave. You say you aren’t happy, and he isn’t happy? Perhaps a marriage counsellor? People get too comfy in their lives, and don’t want to change things. No one likes the unknown future. You mention your parents, and your son being distressed? Timing is always a problem…when is the best time? You say your husband is a great help…see to me…there must still be something there, I couldn’t find one good reason to stay with my ex, and believe me…he did all the cooking, he cleaned like no other, he did everything….that was one of the biggest problems for me…I couldn’t do anything, he told me that all the time.

Bipolar people can see things differently. They can hear things said one way only….it will be negative. It takes time, love and patience to communicate with someone who is bipolar. People don’t understand that unless you tell them. I have had to learn to speak to my daughter differently. Maybe you need to explain that to your husband. If you want to save this marriage, it will take work on both sides. Communication is everything. I know some think being bipolar one just needs meds….no…not true. It’s much more involved than that.

Anyways, I am so proud of you! You sound so much better. I really, really appreciate you dropping by, so nice to hear from you. You are in my prayers. I send love and hugs….and…thank YOU for staying with me!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[jajanvm-imbi]

Hazbin Hotel 4 episode premiere review Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I'm gonna preface this by saying that I am enjoying Hazbin in the same way I enjoy Helluva Boss. I've been following the series since the pilot's release, I've gotten more and more excited with every announcement leading up to it's offical release and I've already watched every episode several times.

HOWEVER, just like with Helluva Boss, there are a lot of issues with Hazbin that I feel are very fair criticisms worth talking about.

This isn't going to be another bad-faith rambling about how the show is shit, how everyone who likes it is stupid, and how Viv and her creative team deserved all of the harassment they've gotten for the past couple of years. Like I said I've been enjoying Hazbin and Helluva for what they are a lot, but just because I enjoy both shows doesn't mean I don't think there are many issues with it.

This post is going to be discussing Hazbin's issues ofc, but I'd really like to sit down and write up all of my issues with Helluva one day as well because any issues in Hazbin are almost always 10x worse in Helluva.

So now with that our of the way, here's my critique on Hazbin Hotel as someone who enjoys the show:

Buckle up cause this post is gonna be long

What I believe the main issue for Hazbin Hotel boils down to the same issue for Helluva Boss:

Pacing

The pacing in Hazbin is......not great. Don't get me wrong, its waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the pacing in Helluva Boss, by like, a lot. But that doesn't mean its, well, good.

The Over-Reliance on the Pilot's Popularity.

So, there's no actual introduction to any character but Charlie and mayyyyyyyybe Vaggie. But the rest of the cast is just, there, and the audience is supposed to know who they are automatically. And even then, the introduction to the premise is almost non-existent in the first ep.

For those of us who have been following the series for years know who these characters are and what the plot of the series is, but for the causal viewer who's scrolling through Prime and stumbles upon Hazbin, there's no proper introduction to what's happening.

It's almost like its required to watch the pilot before watching the actual series in order to have any idea whats happening. And thats a problem because the pilot isn't an episode its a pilot. For like 99% shows, the audience never sees the pilot. Season 1 episode 1 has to start from square 1, reintroducing who's who and what's going on.

The first ep of Hazbin takes place one week after the pilot. Which means they all acknowledge the pilot happened, its not retconed or anything, but it's still not an episode.

The pilot takes the time to establish Charlie's base personality, her motives, how the rest of hell treats her, and the significance of Alastor's presence at the hotel. Charlie getting bullied by Katie Killjoy at the news station does more for establishing Charlie's character and her motives than anything in all 4 episodes of the official premiere. There isn't really anything to show how hell doesn't take Charlie seriously, either. (The closest thing we get is how Valentino talks about Charlie when she's not there) Yeah Adam bullies her in ep 1 but that heaven not hell. S1 ep 1 "Overture" just expects the audience to already know what's happening.

There is literally no reason why they couldn't have just remade the pilot into an actual episode with a few changes and the new voice cast (obv), and then pick up the next day instead of the next week.

Like is the whole terf war still happening? Cause it isn't acknowledged at all in the premiere. Maybe they could have added Alastor's mysterious 7 year "sabatical" into Vaggie's explanation of Alastor to Angel.

It would have been so easy to just remake the pilot into an episode since the pilot does such a good job of establishing whats going on. A well known example of a show doing just that is the Gravity Falls pilot. The pilot is obviously shorter and the supporting cast is missing, but the plot of the episode is still the same and it establishes the personalities for the 3 main characters. Anyway-

2. The Hotel Isn't Even the Central Focus

They introduced the conflict between Heaven and Hell waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too soon.

This is the exact same thing that happened with Helluva Boss. The pilot displayed a clear premise for the series and then when the series officially airs it turns out the premise isn't even the central focus.

It isnt as offensive in Hazbin because at least Hazbin's central focus is on something still somewhat relevant to the plot which is "helping sinners". In Helluva Boss the central focus is "Owo angsty gay relationship drama", which is completely irrelevant to the initial "imps in hell are hits for hire up on earth and shenanigans ensue" premise.

Why are we being introduced to heaven's schemes to do more than one extermination a year before Charlie even gets a chance to prove there are some sinners interested in being redeemed? It would have been a MILLION times more impactful if Charlie got maybe two or three sinners actually looking to be redeemed to stay at the hotel, who were hopeful that they still had a chance to live a better life, only for all of Charlie's hopes to be crushed by Adam's rejection.

If Charlie had people who believed in her, if she saw how much faith they had in her to help them change their lives around, only for her to come back from her meeting not only saying the angels rejected her but that the next extermination was sooner than anticipated, OUGH would it have hurt.

Instead, the hotel is treated like a background or just a thing to do in the meantime while the characters focus on the Heaven vs. Hell conflict or other stuff.

The show just immediately jumps into the whole Heaven vs. Hell thing without really even focusing on the hotel and what Charlie is trying to do, AKA the title of the fucking show. Why even bother calling the series Hazbin Hotel if you aren't going to even focus on why the hotel exists in the first place????

We as the audience need to spend time at the hotel with the characters in order for us to get attached to Charlie's cause before you dash all our hopes away. Then we can root for Charlie as she overcomes Heaven's hypocrisy with the help of her friends. (which kind of goes back to the over reliance on the pilot)

And the cherry on top would have been that this is the perfect set up for some fun ""filler"" character establishing episodes while Charlie works with the sinners.

There's a reason why most people seem to recognize ep 4 "Masquerade" as the best episode out of the 4 despite also being the most graphic, followed by ep 2 "Radio Killed the Video Star". Both ep 2 and ep 4 are more one off self contained stories you would usually see in a more episodic series, and they're wonderfully entertaining because they're still being treated like introductions. Ep 2 takes the time to properly introduce the Vs and their connections to the main cast, particularly Vox and Alastor's rivalry. Ep 4 introduced Angel's situation with Valentino to the audience, which is a major part of his character, and Angel is part of the main cast so this isn't out of place. The conflicts between the Vs and the main cast aren't resolved by the end of either of these episodes, but thats because they're still only introductions.

The problem with ep 1 and ep 3 is that we're charging ahead with the whole Heaven vs. Hell conflict with characters we still barely know.

The issues with ep 1 mainly tie back into point 1. with how there was no proper reintroduction to anything in the series, and the show immediately crushes Charlie's dreams before we are even properly introduced to them again. Adam being an asshole to Charlie and them moving up the next extermination date has no impact because we as the audience barely knows who these characters even are.

In episode 3, the hotel and the team building stuff is the B plot while Alastor and his meeting with the other Overlords is the A plot??? In the third episode of the series????

I was confused with why ep 3 featured a Velvette and Camilla duet and a Vaggie and Camilla duet because we barely know who Velvette and Camillia are. Why did Camilla get a whole ass power ballad about protecting her daughters from an exorcist if we barely know who Camilla is??? Why was she paired with Vaggie, a character we've already grown attached to for the past 2 episodes??? Vaggie had some nice character moments in ep 3 but it was overshadowed by Camilla's presence because we don't know nearly enough about Camilla for a parallel between her and Vaggie to feel appropriate.

Velvette had some fun banter with Vox in ep 2 but only for like a minute, why is she singing about being better than everyone else?? Vox and Valentino had way more screentime than Velvette so far, so why should we as the audience believe that she's the "backbone of the Vs" and thats why she's feels like she can be disrespectful to Camilla and Zestial? The show doesn't even directly acknowledge that Velvette is the newest and youngest of the overlords, thats information given to us from????Instragram??? Why is Velvette the "backbone of the Vs"?? I'm not saying they should have done a whole backstory episode before this scene, I'm saying there should have at least been a scene foreshadowing Velvette being the mastermind behind the Vs' power or something.

And both the issues with Camilla ad Velvette tie back into how they're talking about starting a fucking WAR with HEAVEN?????????? We barely know anything about the conflict between Heaven and Hell why would a war between the two being a real threat in the mind of the audience??? And what does any of this Overlord drama have to do with Charlie's mission to rehabilitate sinners??? They don't care about the new extermination date because of Charlie's mission they just don't want to fucking die.

Its way too soon to be talking about all this with characters we as the audience barely know. None of this had anything to do with the hotel or Charlie's goals.

So in conclusion to this section, the writers at Hazbin have done the same thing they did with Helluva, which is: They expect the audience to care about the characters and the plot without actually giving us a reason why. Because the pilot was so popular and was the only thing we had of Hazbin for 4 years, they decided that the pilot's popularity was good enough to take the place of actual character establishing work. They felt like since the pilot already generated a large fanbase, they didn't need to do any of the work to get the audience to care about the characters and the plot because they already do. So now the writers are charging ahead with all this fluff and drama, talking about things that are irrelevant to the premise without re-establishing anything because they felt like the pilot are did that for them. Long time fans are gonna eat this all up regardless because we've been waiting for more episodes for YEARS, but Hazbin is going to have a very hard time gaining any new audience on a mainstream platform like Prime Video because the show is incomplete. No casual viewer scrolling through Prime is going to want to click off of Prime, log onto YouTube and watch the 45 minute pilot in order to then understand Hazbin Hotel the series. Causal viewers are going to watch the first episode thinking "Oh I've heard of this lets see what the hype is all about" and then be super confused on whats happening and who all these characters are and quickly loose interest. No one wants to do homework in order to enjoy a show. At least with Helluva Boss the entire show is on YouTube and the official playlist with all the episodes includes the pilot so new viewers don't have to leave the platform. Hazbin already has a second season confirmed right out of the gate, and the fanbase is already large enough to keep the show going (hopefully), but honestly I fear Viv and her team are gonna have a really hard time getting their numbers to grow because of these choices. Lets see how all this plays out.

There's one more thing that I wanted to bring up because it is a glaring issue but people have been talking about it since the pilot so I'll keep it brief.

Character Designs and Color Palette

Yes, Viv's artstyle suffers from "Tumblr Sexyman Syndrome".

Every other character wears a suit and bowtie. Which makes sense for some of them, Charlie and Vox in specifically. Charlie is a princess so she dresses formally and Vox is a business man. (Although why does Vox wear a bowtie and not a regular necktie?)

Alastor, Sir Pentious, and Angel however? Why? I get how a suit and tie could fit into their respective aesthetics, but there are also different outfits from their respective time periods that could have made more sense and would have easily solved this issue.

By having every other character wear the same outfit, we loose the sense that all these characters are from different periods of time and places. Which is a shame because Hell is the PERFECT setting to have all these different time periods collide in a way that makes sense.

No one questions why a 1940s gangster from New York, an English inventor from 1830s London, a radio host from 1930s Louisiana, a housemaid from the 1950s, a Vegas gambler from idk when, etc... are all in the same location because they're all in Hell. They all died at different periods in time but they all ended up in the same place! It was such a missed opportunity to have fun with this hogpoge of different aesthetics and it sucks because it would have been so visually interesting and engaging!

It also doesn't help that almost everyone is wearing red. And not just red, but the same shade of red as the fucking SKY. Like look at this shit:

Like rip to any colorblind person trying to watch this.

I'm genuinely shocked that this wasn't corrected while redesigning the main cast. Viv went to the School of Visual Arts (SVA), one of the top schools for animation on the East Coast. I refuse to believe she didn't learn how bad this in school.

This is one of the only areas in which Helluva Boss is actually better than Hazbin. The imps all have the same color palette, red white and black, but because they regularly travel to other rings of Hell, earth, and interact with other beings in Hell like, sinners, succubi, hellhounds, the Sins, etc.... they stand out. The imps don't blend into the background (as often) like the Hazbin cast does.

But because the Hazbin cast can't travel to the other rings of Hell according to the lore (which I don't mind), then it was up to Viv and the other designers on the team to find a creative solution to make the characters stand out against the bright red sky. Instead they made it infinitely worse than the pilot by putting everyone in red.

At least in the pilot, Charlie wore pink and black, Vaggie wore grey and white, Angel wore white, Nifty had a splash of yellow etc... But now literally 90% of the cast is in the same shade of bright red as Alastor and the SKY. Like we get it they're in Hell they don't need to wear red to convey that because the SKY is red and has a fucking PENTAGRAM IN IT. We know the hotel is in Hell it doesn't need to be red either

The best scenes in the show visually so far are when the characters aren't outside or in the hotel. For example:

Charlie in the Heaven clocktower, Angel dancing in Poison, Angel and Husk outside the bar (I know I just said when they aren't outside but that background has enough variety of color that it actually works very well)

I am honest to God baffled how this wasn't corrected. Its like, Character Design 101, how was Viv allowed to get away with this?

Anyway

CW: brief mention of abuse

Those are my first impressions on Hazbin Hotel the official series. I know there are only 4 episodes out but the fact that the series started like this is genuinely concerning. Viv was given the opportunity of a lifetime, what started as a indie project was picked up by a well respected studio and distributed by Prime Video. She gained a massive fanbase right off the bat and had all the tools to make this series something special. People are tired of the oversaturation of remakes and reboots and sequels and prequels and spin offs and live actions and whatever that seeing a new show with a whole new concept and setting and characters is exciting! Not many big studios are willing to invest in bold new ideas anymore. People are starving for something new, but when the new stuff is, well, this, its pretty disappointing.

I'm going to continue watching Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss because despite the many glaring issues both shows have, I do still find them entertaining.

I don't mind all the swearing, (even when it does get annoying), I don't mind the sense of humor, I'm not too offended by the Tumblr Sexyman artstyle. I'm a musical theater lover, so I don't mind the musical numbers, especially with such a stacked talented cast. I can personally handle darker, more intense topics like Angel's abuse.

I was excited for the series to premiere, I'm excited for future episodes, and I honestly believe the reason why I still find these shows enjoyable is because I love doing breakdowns like this. I love analyzing the media I consume, I love understanding how and why shows fail, and bad shows have more to analyze than good shows do lmfao.

And don't get me wrong, there are things about the series that I really love as they are! But that's for a different post lol.

If you're still reading this I hope you enjoyed my review Hazbin Hotel so far. I know in the past I said I was prepared to not engage with the fandom at all because there was too much drama and the hatedom is honestly equally, if not more annoying than the fandom, but I couldn't resist doing a whole long ass post about the show, jaja. I have too much fun with this sort of stuff!

[fairydustedtheory]

I guess it's time for a new life update and pinned post on my blog. If you've been following me for a while, you know that this year has been a bit of a struggle, to put it lightly. I'll put everything under a read more because I know most people don't want to read that.

tldr: I'm f***ing poor. Here is my Kofi account and my kid's christmas amazon wishlist

Long story short, I've had to go to court twice to see the judge to protect my kid from her father and his new girlfriend who are pretty toxic to her. (I can share more in private but basically we've been and are still going through it). My kid has had a hell of year. Both of our mental healths have greatly suffered and are still suffering but we're trying to heal and hopefully will end the year in better shape than what we've got to experience thus far.

At the end of last year, I finished my paid course which I hoped would mean I'd get a nice job but sadly it hasn't been the case because there aren't many jobs available where I live and the ones I got interviewed for were simply given to people who knew people. And nobody hides that fact. So yeah that sucks and i feel guilty about not being able to earn more money and i feel guilty that i am exhausted. but I don't feel guilty that I put my kid's mental health needs first and that I try to protect her from the bad things that happened to her. But now with all the added expenses for my kid's therapy and some health and lawyer bills that weren't part of the financial aid I got, a tight budget can only get tighter. On top of that, my kid's father decided to stop paying all child support for over a year now, because he's a neat guy like that so that's about €4000 that he owes and I don't know when that will be sorted out. It's not money issues on his part because he comes from a wealthy family and owns several restaurants. Everything's been adding up and making it pretty difficult for me. I'm fairly good at budgetting on small finances as this is how life has always been for me but all the unexpected drama has been a lot.

Like for anyone who says don't have kids if you can't afford them... well, without publicly diagnosing my ex on the internet, let's just say he was very shitty but also very convincing and I was in no way prepared to get dumped basically after giving birth. I don't regret having my daughter, she's the love of my life and even though the world keeps putting obstacles on my way, I keep the hope that we'll get to a good life for the two of us sometime.

Soooo yeah, I know the overall state of the world is bad for everyone and my problems are definitely not the worst problems that exist. I'm grateful for what I do have and I'm not expecting miracles or anything but I keep trying to convince myself that there's no shame in struggling.

I'll share my Kofi account again if anyone feels like donating a couple bucks to my dumpster fire of a life. Anything helps and will go towards paying the rent (which was raised over €50 without the landlord informing me, just to make it more fun) and groceries.

Also, in case anyone feels like being a Secret Santa for my kid, here is an amazon wishlist. We didn't celebrate her birthday the way we usually do because money and mental health weren't with us at the time but it would mean the world to me if she could still feel some Christmas magic somehow. Her first choice is a telescope because she's been fascinated by space and stars lately, so I'm going to do my hardest to save up enough to have it under the tree at Christmas.

I know I'm barely on here anymore, I don't host any events anymore and I barely talk to anyone so I don't even know who is still around but at least I got some of that off my chest and trying to manifest a good end of the year, if only in good vibes ha

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Sing in the darkness - Chapter 2 - Part 12

Translation of Sing in the darkness from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’, a new side arc alongside the current main story arc Like the dawning light.

Jay: It’s only the second LOM since your time here, no? Worrying about your lack of skill can be saved for later down the line. 

Jay: Instead, think of how you’re lucky that you were able to find the problems and imperfections that must be dealt with.  

Sage: I see… You’re amazing, Jay-san!

Jay: Ahaha. While it has come to a point where people brand me as a superhero, I still have my own fair share of struggles every day. 

Sage: Eh, Jay-san out of all people?

Jay: At work is a given, but in my private life there’s more than enough issues piling up all the time. I often do those same self-evaluation meetings on my own, as you do. 

Sage: How insightful… Actually, what were you doing here? 

Jay: Hm? Aah, I came to look at that.

Sage: …?

Jay: That large stone over there is a memorial monument for the heroes that died while on the job.

Sage: Eh…

Jay: At a first glance, being a hero seems to be a brilliant profession. In the same vein as you described it earlier, like a major leaguer or a movie star. 

Jay: However, the reality of walking this path is always having death around the corner.

Jay: It’s been more than 15 years since I became a hero, and I’ve witnessed companions lose their lives several times by now. 

Sage: ……

Jay: Are you aware of the Lost Zero incident from last year?

Sage: Yes, of course. Helios and Eclipse clashed with each other in the Lost Garden, where Eclipse is located…. 

Jay: Indeed. Several casualties had come out of it. 

Jay: ….One of my former students, had died out there too. 

Sage: I see…. Dino-san was Jay-san’s….

Jay: Ooh, so you know about Dino too

Sage: I’m confident that I know quite a bit when it comes to heroes. And even if I weren’t, Miracle Trio was popular with the three of them together as is…. 

Jay: Indeed. Dino, Brad and then Keith… They’re all my cute, beloved students. 

Sage: Dying while on the job, huh… 

Jay: I don’t want to scare a rookie who just set their foot here, but you ought to have a sense of danger when it comes to these things. 

Jay: Even when it doesn’t go as far as death, the likelihood to get wounded as I did is high enough. 

Sage: That’s right…. The story about your arm is legendary at this point.  

Sage: For the sake of rescuing a civilian who was pinned under a collapsed building, you sacrificed your own arm… 

Jay: Well, this prosthetic arm has become my trademark now, all of the fans are more than delighted to get a handshake from this hand. That’s why these things all depends on your perspective. 

Sage: ………

Sage: (Right… In reality that’s the kind of profession being a hero is.)

Sage: (Competing to win in the LOM isn’t all it is, our training is not for that purpose.)

Sage: (....I can’t wrap my head around what kind of feeling it is to lose your own friends and students.)

Jay: H-hey now. Don’t take it too seriously now, okay? 

Jay: Dang…. It wasn’t my intention to end up going there… 

Jay: Ah, that’s right! Here’s something good that troubled rookies should be told about. 

Sage: Something good?

Jay: Look. Before the LOM, there’s a big event that everyone looks forward to, no?

Sage: A big event… If it’s before the LOM, then that’s Halloween but… 

Jay: Yes, that! Halloween is a huge event for the heroes of Helios and the citizens of New Million. 

Sage: Each year they join the town parade and then hold a special LOM. I always looked forward to that too. 

Sage: That’s right… I’ll be joining as a hero this time around. 

Jay: The Halloween LOM, Halloween League, is a large-scale event that rivals the Christmas one. 

Jay: It’s essential for the teams in training to participate, which means that it’ll be the very first event competition for the rookies.

Jay: Event competitions differ from the usual LOM where one fights for victory, since it has a strong nuance of an exhibition to entertain the citizens.  

Jay: And because you experience it as a team, you will be able to strengthen the bonds with your other teammates if all goes well. 

Sage: ….!

Jay: I can’t tell if it will solve your worries, but you can try to utilize the Halloween League to your advantage for starters. 

Sage: !! Nothing ventured, nothing gained in other words. You told me just the right thing!

Sage: I cannot thank you enough for the advice. Jay-san…!

Jay: Hahaha, seems like you cheered up a little bit. Good, good. 

Jay: Go for it, Sage. Whenever something’s troubling you again, do ask this very Jay Kidman about it. I’m always ready to lend a hand♪

-

---Few days later.

Sage: Nico-kun! The substance was over here!

Sage: It was described as level 1 but it has a peculiar power, let’s wait for Sensei to---

Nico: Fuh…..!

[submarinerwrites]

t.h. white, the once and future king

★★★★★

truly one of the fantasy epics of the twentieth century. possibly all time. a retelling of the legend of king arthur, the once and future king brings potent, arresting emotion to stories that we too often think of as long-dead.

i think it might’ve been ursula le guin who said she’d read this and laughed over it and cried over it all her life? me too genuinely. i read it first when i was eight and then several more times over the years (though this is my first time since high school) and it has always always made me laugh and cry in new and painful ways.

on that subject, it is still blisteringly funny. i love its humor, the way white mixes vernacular and high english, the way he describes history. it’s lush and amusing and i think everyone can glean something from it.

it is also painfully sad. my feelings while reading vary greatly based on my mood, but i was sad while reading it and what i took away from it was sad also. i kept thinking about the way the orkneys killed the unicorn and killed their mother and how different and yet how similar it was to arthur’s boar hunt. i kept thinking about the way white wrote about arthur’s loneliness and desire to do good. and about how lancelot broke down and cried because the miracle was that he had been allowed to do a miracle.

and the idea that arthur spent his whole life a lonely and damaged boy determined to do great things and then found himself up to his elbows in blood anyways... that’s just... so....

also like sidenote i do love bbc merlin or at least the parts i’ve seen (okay yes i’m talking about the fic) but i do think there’s really something to be said for an arthur who grew up confused, and alone, and broken, and friendless, and who went on to do all of these great things while carrying all of that inside of him... like maybe it’s just because i read the book long before i ever heard of the show but there’s something so special about the way white writes about his childhood to me.

from a more critical point of view, i think the one issue—if you can call it that—is that tonally the sword and the stone is violently and completely different from the rest of the novel. i don’t think white maybe intended for people to read all four of them in one volume honestly. i think it’s to the work’s detriment.

also! how was kay seneschal of all of arthur’s lands and fucking galivanting around the country?? no the hell he wasnt?? bro thats a full time job??

loved how white continually referenced malory; reminded me of the way malory constantly referenced the french book. arthuriana intertextuality ftw fr.

and i don’t know how i’d never picked up on this before but i am almost certain upon this reading that white wants us to entertain the possibility that it was mordred, not lancelot, who killed gaheris and gareth. mordred is desperate because he thinks lancelot is going to get away with everything and arthur won’t be ruined by everything he’s done and so he leaves and then kills gareth and gaheris in the madness. also gareth died shocked which i don’t think he necessarily would be if it were lancelot who killed him. small point but it is interesting.

also i found myself thinking about the john steinbeck quote: that arthur has lived over and over again because of all the stories we tell about him. i think white’s book truly allows for that to happen, more than any other story i’ve read: arthur comes to life.

[persephone-is-here-omg]

Went no contact with my aunt E, and her daughters N and C. My only regret is that I didn't get to beat their asses before I did.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a person given to physical violence, hell in a lot of cases I'll bite my tongue to avoid a fight. But I have my fucking limits, and that day I reached mine.

So, yes. I did come close to kicking their teeth off because if there's one thing I don't tolerate is people talking shit about my mom when I know she's right. If the criticism is valid? Go ahead. Thing is, I know for a fact my aunt and her daughters are wrong.

This is a situation that has its roots in decades of unresolved issues. But it all came to a head when my cousin N decided she was going to introduce her boyfriend to the extended family. This, after she told multiple people that she didn't really have anything to share with us and that she didn't even want to wish our grandma a Happy New Year. Which is fine, there's been a lot less conflict since her, her mother and sister decided they were everyone's victims and the family wasn't catering to them as they felt entitle to. That's cool, but why the hypocrisy.

So, in the latest family function that took place my mom called my cousin to the side and called her out on her hypocritical behavior. My mother did not scream to her, and didn't start a scene. My cousin N, however, has always had a flair for the theatrics and immediately started screaming and shouting like a banshee. Came storming in saying she was leaving, that my mom had "disrespected" her, that she "knows herself, and she is leaving". She called my mother a flurry of colorful names, including "ungrateful". My sister and I heard, and we had enough. Let me just say they both were LUCKY my dad was there and bear hugged me, because her boyfriend would not only have had to pay for her plane ticket to Spain, he would have had to pay for a whole new set of teeth (or two).

Since that moment, I've gone no contact with them. Now, I am aware that none of that makes me look good. I am not interested in looking good, either. But if we're going to talk about ungrateful or bullying, I have so many instances where they're the ungrateful bullies.

For example, N had Hepatitis B. At the time, she was living rent free at our grandmother's house. If you hear her and her mother tell the story, everyone at my grandma's was going to let her die and no one gave a fuck. In their version, my grandma even said that she was most likely pregnant. However, the reality is that she wouldn't have even been tested for Hep B if one of my aunt's (who's a nurse) had not insisted and taken her to the hospital, she wouldn't have been admitted without that aunt, either. However, that aunt has a job that she couldn't miss and responsibilities. N's father has lived in that same town for years, he didn't go to see her even once during the whole ordeal. However, the bad ones are the ones that took her to hospital and did what they could.

Another example, E moved to that same town and stayed there for about 4 years after her daughter C had an "accident" that left her with a permanent leg injury. E did this to be able to take care of her daughter. Once C was recovered enough she moved into a smaller house where neither her mother nor sister fit in. So E and N had to rent an apartment. When 2020 rolled around, another one of my aunts went like "hey, we're in the middle of this pandemic thing. you guys should move in with me because you have no income" So they moved into this other aunt's house, lived there for almost 3 years rent free, not even had to buy their own food, no utilities. E, N and C however, claim no one ever helped them and E and N were basically homeless. Mind you this aunt that took them in even took over several major medical expenses from E.

One more example. E is a teen mom, had her oldest C, around the time she was 17/18yo. The only reason she was able to graduate high school was my mom. My mom at 14yo put up with abuse from her baby daddy's family to care of her fucking child. But this is, also, something that in their heads never happened. E, in fact, has spent almost 50 years trying to ingratiate herself with her baby daddy's family even though they mistreated her and her family. When she moved from the town, following them, they said "she doesn't need to learn anything. just send her to clean houses" Because they see cleaning houses as a lowly job, and they always have seen her as lowly and undeserving of respect.

This is just examples of their ungratefulness, this isn't even diving in their abuse and disrespect of multiple family members. Like, I have so many fucking more stories that don't even involve me or anything they've done to me especifically.

[mariacallous]

(New York Jewish Week) — No one can say exactly how many members of New York City’s Bukharian Jewish community have died of opioid overdoses in the last few years, but everyone agrees that the numbers are distressingly high.

Hiski Mierov, vice president of the Bukharian Jewish Community Center in Forest Hills, Queens, can think of 20 or so young people who have died in the last seven years, a steep toll on an immigrant community of about 50,000. “I would estimate the number is much higher,” he said.

David Aronov, who grew up in the community and now serves as its liaison at UJA-Federation of New York, offered an even more sobering estimate: “several dozen” overdose deaths in just the last five years.

“The community is so tight-knit that when one of these deaths does happen, it spreads really, really fast,” Aronov told the New York Jewish Week. “After a large number of deaths within a small amount of time, for the size of the community, you know that it is a really big issue.”

Now, Aronov and Mierov are playing leading roles in an effort to turn things around. A dozen synagogues in Queens neighborhoods with many Bukharian Jewish residents are newly stocking Narcan, a lifesaving drug that reverses overdoses, and training volunteers on how to administer it.

They are also planning community education on drug use and overdose response, with the goal of reducing the stigma of addiction. 

“Everybody in the community has either been touched by this issue or knows someone that has been touched, but people don’t want to reach out for help,” Aronov, who is at the helm of this program and worked with UJA-Federation to launch it, said. “We want individuals in the community to be more open and talk about the issue… and we want to make sure that stigma is not preventing individuals from getting the help that they need.”

The “Save a Life” program is a collaboration among UJA-Federation, the New York City Department of Health and the Jewish Board, a Jewish health and human services nonprofit that is licensed to distribute Narcan. Their goal is to curb an acute crisis within one community that has been affected by an 80% increase in overdose rates within New York City since 2019.

While there is no reliable data on drug-related overdoses specifically in Jewish communities, it is clear that they have not been spared from the skyrocketing rate of overdoses across the country in recent years as dangerous street drugs, often laced with fentanyl, have replaced prescription pain pills as the most widely available opioids. 

But people within the Bukharian Jewish community — immigrants from Central Asia — say they can see particular risk factors for drug abuse within their community. 

Many parents spend much of their time working, Mierov said, and there can be a lack of communication between children and their parents and a lack of supervision for young people, which the Centers for Disease Control says is a risk factor for substance abuse in youth. A deepening disconnect between generations who grew up in different worlds, with different responsibilities and resources, could also make it hard to address drug abuse, Mierov said.

“The parents are oblivious to what’s going on because the kids are always out with their friends. They come home late, and parents are busy working. Like many immigrant families that come to this country, they live paycheck to paycheck — the father has two jobs, the mother has two jobs. They’re never home,” he said.

Aronov added that in many of these immigrant families, children can feel “an immense amount of pressure,” to do well in school, get married early and earn money to support their families and parents.

In some cases, parents don’t want to discuss the issue for fear of being judged by others in the community, Mierov explained. 

“They feel embarrassed to reach out to people that are in the community. They have a fear of not being able to marry off their children in the community because of things that happened in the past,” he said. 

“They don’t understand that these kids are dying from their silence,” said Jack Musheyev, 35, who grew up in the community and is in recovery from drug addiction.

Musheyev was 9 and living in Forest Hills, the main hub of New York’s Bukharian community, when he drank alcohol for the first time. At 12, he started smoking weed everyday. By junior year of high school, he started using harder drugs like cocaine, which led to skipping school to get high and often getting into fights.

His mother, who like many others in the community immigrated in the 1980s, eventually sent him to Miami to finish high school with the hope that, outside his circle in Queens, he would be less inclined to fall into trouble. But it would take another decade before Musheyev entered rehab and got sober. 

“I witnessed a lot of abuse in my family between the parents and what that led me to is to find peace outside with my friends,” Musheyev said. “What that entailed was smoking weed, drinking. It was helping me cope with my feelings and suppress them in the real world.”

For Musheyev, the new initiative is “a great approach,” but he thinks even more can be done, like opening up 12-step chapters in Bukharian communities in Queens and providing mental health services for people in the community who are struggling as he did. 

“We need to get more therapy for these kids, we need AA meetings and materials, a place where they can go every single hour to hear somebody with some clean time to share their story,” he said, adding what they need more is “love, hope and inspiration.”

In addition to trainings, Aronov is also implementing a public affairs campaign. Educational flyers and videos in both English and Russian about Narcan and the resources UJA is offering are being distributed on social media and WhatsApp.

“What they did with this program is bring people in Forest Hills, Queens, closer together,” said Mierov, who is the UJA’s point person for distributing the free Narcan kits and trainings at BJCC, a synagogue, community center and Hebrew school in the heart of the neighborhood.

He said getting to work with the other participating locations had helped him feel some of the same relief that he hoped would spread to families in his community.

“There’s no more shame where you are wondering, ‘Oh my god, is this only happening with the families that are affiliated with our center? Are we doing something wrong? Are we not doing enough?’” Mierov said. “It’s nice to have this support system where you can reach out to other synagogues in the same city and kind of talk things out and figure out different perspectives and ways to handle the situation.”

The 11 other synagogues and community centers participating in the program are in other Queens neighborhoods with large Bukharian populations — Rego Park, Fresh Meadows, Flushing, Jamaica Estates, Kew Gardens and Corona. Each of them will get kits that include two naloxone (Narcan) nasal sprays, gloves, alcohol pads and how-to information, and volunteers will learn how to use the supplies.

Aronov has appointed a “point person” at each of the 12 locations to give out the Narcan kits. 

“One of the things I make sure that I come across when I speak to people is that there’s no judgment,” said Ahuva Lilliana Yelizarov, who runs the Forest Hills synagogue Anshey Shalom with her husband, and who has already deployed several Narcan kits in the community. 

“It doesn’t discriminate, unfortunately,” she said about addiction. “It impacts everyone, whether you’re a secular Jew, or you’re an Orthodox Jew. So unfortunately, we have to step it up and do what needs to be done.”

[lotusthewriter]

Time Stand Still

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: G

Relationships: None

Characters: Steven Quartz Universe; other characters are only mentioned

Summary: “We’ll always be your friends.”

Then... why doesn’t it feel like it?

Word count: 647

Quotev / Fanfiction

“We’ll always be your friends.”

Then… why doesn’t it feel like it?

Sure, Steven doesn’t have the right to complain since he’s been busy with Little Homeschool and Homeworld this whole time. But the entire time in the Graduation, everyone just felt… distant from him. They all talked about their new lives with such enthusiasm, all the while he suffered to adapt to all the changes.

Admittedly, no one really tried to get where he came from. Only Shep, the person he barely just met, instead of the friends he’s known for years.

They say they’re his friends, but then… they’re all gone.

Although Lars stays and even comforts him, he eventually leaves, too.

Just a couple more minutes.

No, he wants Lars to stay forever.

You need to let us live our own lives.

He knows.

Which is why he says nothing when the cold greets him, and Lars walks away with his crew. Which is why Steven can only hug himself in the lonely beach, before he heads out to the woods, listening to Sadie and Shep’s new song.

I’m looking forward now.

Steven stargazes, likely watching Lars’ Sun Incinerator fly away from up there.

He could just visit him, right?

But he realizes… Lars has moved on, and he wants to have new adventures. Why would he want Steven around after he trapped him in a dome and almost killed him again? After he pressured Lars and Sadie again? No, he was just being nice. He doesn’t deserve it.

Besides, it’s not the same.

After the Graduation, Steven doesn’t see any of them anymore. Sadie and Shep are on tour with his father. The Cool Kids are separated, each with their new jobs. Lars is in space and will likely not return in a long time. And Connie, his best friend, his Jam Bud, will be away for college very soon.

And it’s not like he doesn’t try.

Steven has their contacts, after all. But they’re all busy.

Too busy for him.

None of them need him.

And yet he needs them the most.

But what can he do about it?

…

Nothing.

He can’t ask for them. He can’t tell them. He’s going to trap them again.

Steven has to look forward. He has to move on.

It’s only fair.

I’m looking forward, I’m looking forward now.

He listens to the tape on loop late at night, for hours to come.

The gems aren’t home. No one is home.

He’s scrolling down his social media endlessly. Every day, he sees countless pictures of everyone having fun, of everyone celebrating together… and he’s never there.

It’s so clear he’s not needed.

It’s so clear they’re all great without him.

Steven is glowing pink, feeling something strong.

Something… bad.

Anger?

Bitterness?

Resentment?

How can he resent them?

It’s his fault.

Not theirs.

Why is he angry, then?

At them? At himself?

He doesn’t know.

Steven is aware he should probably stop using social media altogether if it’s making him feel this way. But he can’t avoid it.

(He can’t help but feel as though he’s always trying so hard, and never once gets anything in return.)

(He helped everyone. Sadie’s singing and her relationship with her mother. Buck’s and Sour Cream’s own family issues. Kiki’s honesty and responsibility. Lars’ insecurities and severe anxiety… so on and so forth.)

(And now that he needs them the most, they’re just… not there.)

(You keep on turning pages for people who don’t care, people who don’t care about you)

(And still, it takes you ages to see that no one’s there)

(Everyone’s gone on without you…)

Sighing, for once, he stops.

He turns off the music, as well as his cell phone.

Steven goes home.

He doesn’t blink an eye all night.

Still pink.

The world around him is… gone.

He’s closed off.

And he stops trying altogether.

[deathaureated]

{ Guidelines } 

Hi there! I'm Luna!

I’m 26 years old as of writing this, I live in Canada & my timezone is EST. I've been writing in various RPC fandoms for 11 years now, & have been doing so on Tumblr on & off since I was 19. I'm cis (probably) & use she/her generally but I'm also totally okay with they/them used in a general sense if you’re referring to me. I’m Pagan & have been practicing sporadically for about 12 years now, so you could say I’ve always had an interest in religion, folklore & mythology of all different kinds which may explain the weird assortment of fandoms I’ve participated in.

I am neurodivergent & have a handful of physical health issues on top of working a part time job which causes my online activity to be pretty random but frequent, but other than that, I don't think there's anything else important to say. If you'd like to learn more about me feel free to reach out, I'm usually pretty receptive to new conversations even if I’m sometimes shy about reaching out first!

That out of the way, here's a few things to keep in mind when following me:

This is a sideblog for Mori, & follow backs will come from @moonrisenmuses​. Now, I understand that multimuse / hub blogs aren’t for everyone, & there’s absolutely NO pressure to follow, interact with or look at my main blog! I’ll only be using it to send asks from my sideblogs, & only if you happen to have anonymous asks off! Seriously, I wont be sad or offended if you aren’t interested in my other muses.

I want to state, my Mori blog is EXTREMELY CANON DIVERGENT with regards to his past & certain aspects of his character. To get it out of the way... I don’t write Mori as being a pedophile. Yes, he’s creepy. Yes, he’ll violate the emotional & probably physical boundaries of anyone he thinks he can manipulate. YES, he has abused several children mentally, physically & emotionally. He basically brainwashed Dazai with his fucked up way of thinking + is probably responsible for at least 1/3rd of Dazai’s physical scars with the way he ‘treats’ his patients, & he destroyed Yosano emotionally. You don’t even want to know what he did to my interpretation of Chuuya over on his blog, man had a breakdown & pushed Mori out the window of the Port Mafia HQ to his death in his Mafia Boss AU.

He is responsible for a huge part of the cycle of abuse that infects the Port Mafia. He abused Yosano, he abused Dazai who went on to abuse Yumeno & Akutagawa, the latter of whom then began inflicting that same pain & awful way of thinking onto Kyōka & even Higuchi. 

HE IS A BAD PERSON. If you allow it, he will manipulate your character. Especially young or passive or naïve characters because they are easier to control & have less emotional resistance to his tactics.

But he’s not a pedophile or a rapist so please keep your gross headcanons about what he’s done with any of the underage characters of the franchise to yourself, especially regarding Dazai, Yosano, Q, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Kyōka & Gin. I’m not about that. If you’re interested in following a Mori blog because you think I’d be down for gross proship non-con lolicon pairings, or whatever it’s called, turn back now. I have an alternate faceclaim for Elise & gave him a late wife that completely changes Elise’s manifestation. He’s not a pedophile on this blog because his actions are all based on logic & reason, & in his mind, while he could abuse children that way & not feel an ounce of remorse because he isn’t capable of feeling remorse, he would gain nothing from it. Physical threats & mind games are much more his forte. 

MOVING ON! My blog is 18+ only as well as multiship, multiverse, & again, very canon divergent. The events will stay the same, but Mori’s psychological state & past have very much been customized to my portrayal of him. 

As a general rule, I strongly prefer my RP partners to be 18+ regardless of the fandom simply due to my age & the sort of content I tend to write. Graphic & disturbing, I use swearing somewhat liberally OOC, sexual content, etc. If there's no age to be found on your blog somewhere I won't RP with you, sorry. Even a general idea is okay, it's for my own comfort & safety as well as yours; a 14 year old for example really shouldn't read the type of writing I'll likely be posting. Thank you.

I do tag triggers! Almost all the default triggers (child abuse //, violence //, murder //) etc will be tagged. If you have anything you need tagged that is less common, don't be afraid to ask me to tag it, I'm happy to do my part to make you comfortable!

On Triggering Material: I will not write any of the following on the dash: graphic animal abuse, graphic sexual assault/rape (allusions/references are fine as it's sometimes part of a character's background including my own). This may be in the form of flashbacks, discussions of trauma, recovery threads, etc. I just won't write scenes of it, I'm also fine with 'close call' threads where my muse rescues yours from assault or vice versa since that’s a very real thing that can & does happen IRL. I’m just not willing to post such content blatantly on the dash as I know it’s a deeply upsetting subject, & I have no desire to romanticize sexual abuse. I will not write anything to do with pedophilia or any sexual content with characters or muns under 18, bestiality (as in actual animals, not ability users who are able to become animals), necrophilia, etc. basically the 'main' major things that would squick out most people. For my own & my mutuals comfort PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU THINK ITS OKAY TO SHIP MINORS & ADULTS.

I do tend to format my replies using small text & customizing with bold & italics for the sake of the aesthetic/emphasis, but I don't expect you to. If you have any issues visually or language wise with how i RP come talk to me & we can try to work things out. I will also be using icons at some point, but not constantly, mostly just to dress up a reply now & then.  

Don't force shipping with any of my characters. If a ship happens, that's great, & you're 100% allowed to just come & ask me if I'd like to ship but don't just go ahead with it without asking. It’s okay if you don’t remember what each muse’s orientation is, I’m fine giving gentle reminders or letting you know what is/isn’t okay to assume if the topic of shipping happens to come up. Just don’t get upset if I turn down a ship because it’s incompatible with my muse’s gender or orientation; it would be uncomfortable & unfair to try to force a ship on him if your muse isn't what they’re typically inclined towards. That being said, all of my muses are open to unrequited romances as well, & in fact you don't even need to ask. It's okay for your muse to have feelings for mine, but they might not always reciprocate!

Finally, my blog is absolutely drama free! I will not share callouts of any kind unless someone is an imminent danger. I've been roleplaying for 10 years now & frankly I'm just here to have fun without getting into fights. IF I FIND OUT YOU’VE SENT ANONS HARASSING MY FRIENDS I WILL BLOCK YOU! Seriously, you have a problem with me, come to me about it, don’t be a fucking pussy.

If you made it to the end of this congratulations! There's no passwords or anything here, please feel free to follow me if you think we'd click, & welcome!

[tedioustendencies]

Wowie has the last few years been one whirlwind after another, eh? Me too, I feel ya! Due to world events as well as personal, I took a pretty extensive break from most social media. A brief update of the good and the bad of what led me to go on standby in the first place:

I think everyone can attest that the pandemic had some sort of effect on their lives. While it did impact mine like my job and mental health, it hit the hardest when my step dad nearly died from it. The wonderful news is that he’s made a remarkable recovery! Our family is still struggling with some of the lasting effects both physically and mentally, but overall, we’ve come out of this fighting and that’s what we’re gonna keep on doing. I’ve made a deeper connection with my step dad which I am so very grateful for.

I’ve also made new friends! I became the DM for a D&D game and we’ve been playing for about a year now. The group is hella chaotic both in person and in character and that makes for some wild shenanigans. 

For a while I wasn’t drawing because my chronic health issues were getting the better of me. I was in significant pain all the time and couldn’t focus on anything, and even if I had the mind to, my body couldn’t handle it. I’ve since found some incredible physicians that while I wish I could have found years ago, I’m thankful to have found them now. I may not be pain free but I’ve been able to manage it much better. Which also means, that I’ve been getting back into the swing of things and drawing more. (I spoiled myself and saved up for a surface pro 8 and it’s incredible to draw on!)

I bounced from place to place as I always have in my life, but I have been working since last year to find a way to get a house. Which isn’t easy if you’re broke af, single, and queer/trans. Especially when the housing market and interest rates is at a record high (just like eevvverything else it seems). After throwing in offers and getting beat out, having several offers accepted but too many negative marks on the inspection, months of house searching. I think I’ve finally managed to find something. There’s an agreement but I’ve also learned to be cautiously hopeful even when things by all other means appear certain. 

But enough about me, I want to hear how yall have been! Tell me your stories, your rains☔ and rainbows🌈 your aspirations for the future. 

[emeiandstuff]

Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do

What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it?

What's something you made or did that you're proud of?

What's something that made you smile this month?

This is so nice whAT thank u.........

you have activated my OC card, gonna try and keep this on the shorter side kjhdsfkj

Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do

I do have OCs! I mostly post about them in my art blog, but my main four are here, all from bugsnax:

In their current order: Emilette Gruntklunk, Frankley Baffletap, Creetus Stingypatch and Aliara Witgoal! Starting off with Frankley though, let's go!

Frankley's an anxious tall grump who's far too kind for their own good. Invited by who they thought were their friend, they joined a gang and wound up robbing, committing theft of several kinds, becoming more and more dependent on the group... until chaos finally struck among the gang, and in the spur of the moment, Frankley had to run away, everyone else falling behind bars. With nowhere to go, they find themself on their way to help in Snaktooth Island... which is where their main story takes place! They find a tiny little creature they decide to take care of, and try and teach the meaning of friendship and care. If only the little bug wasn't so filled with rage, their task could have a chance of success.

Emilette, the pink and small one there, is a grumpy ex accountant with a pessimistic outlook in life. She's harsh and blunt towards others, but this has pushed her to rely only on herself. One day, after suddenly quitting at her job, she decides to start anew and join the expedition on Snaktooth Island. Whether this is an attempt at genuinely making new friends or a way to escape from all her issues... well, it might be both, even if the former is a concept that's grown far too strange from her.

Creetus, green and grumpy-looking. He's the oldest of 7 siblings. Adopted when he was 8, he grew in a bit of a competitive environment, though a good one, and later on pursued a career as a chef. It hasn't been going as well as he would like due to how the business tends to be, and when he heard of Snaktooth Island he realized his chance at success could be found there. It's sad that the bugsnax cannot be cooked, but he refuses to give up; he's too stubborn to, or perhaps too desperate to make his family proud.

And then we have Aliara! The grinning grape over there. Out of my main ones, she's the only one who doesn't stumble upon the island... but he does have other connections to it. She works for an organization that keeps an eye on the creatures that live there and whoever happens to try and make their home there. It's a job she found when she was far too young; or rather, the job found her when she escaped her home after a tragedy she used as a chance to run. Dark sense of humor to go along with her grim tasks as what you'd basically call a hit man. She lives the day to day, trying to enjoy life as she can with her nihilistic nature, as well as keeping an eye from very afar on those few she estranged herself from, one of them—one who's already been introduced here—who she later finds out did make it into that accursed island...

And that's the gist of it! I could go on and on for hours about them and all the other characters I have for their respective stories, but that's gonna be long and I should move on to the other questions dskjfhsdkf

What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it?

If we go aaaAAALL the way back... idk man, neopets probably? kjhdsakak maybe

but more consciously of it, actively participating, it was Ouran High School Host Club, then straight up skipped to Vocaloid and that took over for years. OHSHC still remains in my heart forever, but I'm not into it anymore (though Haruhi my beloved I will always love u). Vocaloid is the kind of media you go "Yeah, I liked them, but I'm not into them" and explode the second you find out news about it anyway. So in a way, I guess I still am? It's always fun to find out what's been going on, but I don't actively listen to anything Vocaloid anymore

What's something you made or did that you're proud of?

My art, honestly. But deeper than that, the stories I've managed to create with my OCs. I've never fully told a story—at least not in one single space, just blurbs thrown around at friends that fulfilled the stories themselves—but I'm proud of what I've been able to create.

However, that means it's nothing I can show here, so check out one of the latest drawings I'm pretty proud of! The background was just to accompany so it's a pretty quick one, but it inspired me to make the colors work pretty nicely!

What's something that made you smile this month?

My friends. It's been a rough month—and year as a whole—but although I don't express it much, they always seem to just. make me smile; simply by being themselves, by talking to me and showing interest in what I have to say. I'm not someone to talk much about myself in general, so seeing anyone direct themselves my way and just... talk to me? It always wows me. Thank you for considering me, thank you for letting me into your lives, thank you for being you, thank you for existing, thank you for being.

The other day I was having a rough time and a friend noticed and approached me. It meant the world to me. idk if he'll read this but ty bro ur the best <3

And since I am dumb and I'm getting sappy here's a meme that made me laugh this month:

[taletheoldcrowtold]

Pride - 2024: Day 7

Movie: Beginners

Made in: 2011 – Set in: 2003

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Melanie Laurent, Goran Visnjic, Mary Page Keller, Keegan Boos, China Shavers, Kai Lennox, Cosmo the dog

Rated R for: Language and brief nudity (boobies)

A romantic dramedy about Oliver as he tries to come to terms with the passing of his father, Hal, who had recently come out as gay. After dealing with the death, he meets Anna, an actress who understands his family troubles and shares his fear of commitment.

The main story of this movie is Oliver as he tries to find happiness after the death of his father. It does show him and father through flashbacks, showing what it is like to be a late-in-life gay man. The movie handles loss and trying to come to terms with it all. Also that sometimes things you think don’t affect your child end up being a big part of their function.

Spoilers Under the Keep Reading Line

You go in knowing that Hal dies, but he improves his relationship with his son and it implies that Oliver and Anna might make it work out.

It’s always nice to see movies that show acceptance and this did a very good job of it. Oliver doesn’t care at all that his father is gay and seems very encouraging for him to explore his new life. Hal is dying of cancer and doesn’t wish to tell people about it and I can understand that, though I agreed with Oliver that he should at least tell his boyfriend, Andy. It’s got some funny bits in it along with the sad and Oliver grieving over his father is relatable and nicely acted. Of course I’ve always been a fan of Ewan McGregor, so…<.< I also liked the romance between Oliver and Anna and wanted them to get together, though with their issues I could see where there would be problems if they didn’t try. Oliver’s commitment issues stem from watching his parents in an unhappy marriage, which I don’t think some parents realize really does affect their kids even if it isn’t a violent or argumentative marriage. The flashbacks weren’t confusing, which I know can be a problem sometimes in movies, as it isn’t always obvious that it’s a flashback. And it’s nice to see it talked about why gay men marry women and not make it so much of a ‘I wasn’t aware I was gay’ and more of a ‘society says its wrong and I just want to be happy and not lonely’. Also how people felt about homosexuality in that time, as Hals’ wife told him she’d fix him being gay when she proposed to him. It’s sad, funny and makes you think about a lot of life’s problems and how sometimes even what seems like a normal upbringing can impact someone’s view of the world and how they handle relationships.

Mom’s Thoughts: Although this movie touches on the father being gay, I think it is more about Oliver and his adjustment to his father coming out to him at age 78 that he is gay and how Oliver’s parents’ apparent unhappy marriage has affected him in maintaining a romantic relationship. Oliver grew up during the 1960s and 70s hardly knowing his father because his father spent so much time as manager of a museum. This was not that uncommon during that time. Once Oliver’s father tells Oliver he wants to explore the gay side of himself, he fully immerses himself into the gay lifestyle, joining several gay-oriented groups and acquiring a boyfriend. Most of this is learned through flashbacks as at the very beginning Oliver tells the audience his father has died. Oliver compares 1955 life (the year his parents married) to 2003 life (the movie’s present day) and how much different being gay is. I felt the film was very true to life and showed a son grieving the death of his parents in a realistic way. The acting is great and though there are moments of sadness in the film it is not overwhelming or depressing. I feel it is a good movie to watch with your family as everyone would have someone in the movie they could relate to. Oh, and the father’s dog (a cute Jack Russell terrier) finds a forever home with Oliver.

[hadleymeetsworld]

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Yesterday, I celebrated my 33rd birthday.

I am now working in an office job back in my hometown after traveling and working in the entertainment industry for several years-- plus the pandemic happened. The end of my 20s was a very exciting, dream-fulfilling, and special time. It has truthfully been a difficult adjustment returning to a more "normal" way of life, and I have found myself back on tumblr reading through my old journal entries from years ago.

I also haven't seen a therapist in about ten years-- what I call "raw-dogging life"-- so I've been talking with friends about how I need to search for one. I loved my old therapist, and was thinking of the reasons why I should/shouldn't reach out to her to pick up where we left off. I realized I wanted a fresh start, because when looking back, I feel like I'm having the same issues that I had ten years ago as a younger adult. Which is embarrassing in a way. On paper from an objective point of view, it kind of seems like I haven't learned anything at all. Looking back through my tumblr posts today, I saw my past issues and emotions were eerily similar to the ones I have now. Surprise... looks like the core of my personality has not changed much LOL and I'm the problem, it's me. It actually was quite a humbling experience having this epiphany.

I am still actively growing as a human being, but struggling with the fact that I can be an unreliable partner in relationships. I am still dealing with substance abuse issues-- I LOVE to party to the point where it affects my relationships, working life, and the way I feel about my body. I feel like lately I have been a little more depressed and self conscious than in my 20s, but many of my past posts discussed feeling like a bad friend and having trouble connecting with people. Just like in my old blog posts, I have definitely been romanticizing the past. I think I had a little less anxiety and more self confidence in social situations for a while there, but I am actively working on those aspects to get back on track.

I chose to pull up my tumblr today because I was remembering in my last office job in my mid-20s, I would spend my down time writing comedy, setting up aesthetically pleasing and inspiring blogs, and creating DJ sets. I just remember feeling a little more active and creative. First of all, that wasn't necessarily true. Some of the things I wrote were kind of stupid and immature, I was literally just reposting photography and drawings before meme culture began, and I actually am not extremely skilled in mixing music or writing comedy shorts. I am now a theatre person. I have traveled the world stage managing different kinds of productions. I am not a visual or sonic artist-- I am a theatrical artist whose strengths lay in organization and communication. I haven't been consistently working on shows like I was in New York, but that's OK! I have a lot of wonderful things coming up and know that I'm a wonderful Stage Manager-- which is something I really care about.

Revisiting my tumblr today turned out to be a very therapeutic and healing experience. I will always be the same me and although I've been growing immensely, I still need to practice discipline in the major areas that I've been struggling with and reflecting on for years. It is interesting I can now narrow down my core, consistent issues to these areas:

Not treating my partner with the respect they deserve

Substance abuse

Social anxiety in my friendships (feeling like people don't want me to belong or that they hate me)

Even though these are major issues, it does feel nice to review the "data" of my journal entries over the years and discover these major trends.

In terms of the social anxiety issue, I think I've hit an all-time low in this area as an adult, and I need to revert back to understanding "different strokes for different folks," and "your vibe attracts your tribe." And not get so caught up on whether or not everyone likes me or if my behavior was acceptable at a get-together. No one cares-- just be kind and thoughtful. And some people still won't like you anyways, but that is not a reflection of who you are.

In terms of lack of respect for my partner, I really dropped the ball on this one. How could I be so selfish? My guilt and horror towards my behavior has allowed me to really confront my "childhood trauma," which I have never done before. I really hope I learned my lesson this time to treat someone with honesty and respect, like how I'd want them to treat me. It really is getting old and I need to step it up. But I can also be compassionate with myself and remember I am still young and had been ignoring how models of relationships in my childhood could be impacting me today. I know I'm a good person and I am disappointed when I don't act like it towards the person I love the most. I also hate society for the toxic way it models relationships.

And my substance abuse issue sucks. LOL. I don't get why I love to party so much and I think I can continue to have fun but I need to be STRICT about my no alcohol nights. I can only do this when I'm working on a project I really care about. But I am just a bitch to the man right now and it's so hard to not go out at night. Now it's starting to affect the way I look, so hopefully that can be a good incentive to chill out, smdh.

Aww yay I'm proud of myself for being reflective and writing something! It's been a while! XOXOX

[bestjgudiellandscape]

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[rianafying]

i think that over the last couple of months, i’ve lost my energy and charm. not that i was super charming but i like to think i was charming enough…. like upbeat and friendly and even loud sometimes. but lately, i’ve grown more and more quiet. i’ve been finding it difficult to speak at all. be it via text or voice. the only ways i express myself are through my one gazillion journal entries and weekly therapy sessions. i’ve also become desensitised to like … everything. i don’t expect anything, i’m not phased by much, not impressed by much. like generally in an autopilot sort of state. except all of a sudden i haven’t been able to do the things that are required of me. i didn’t ask for any of this. i didn’t. but it’s not bad what i’ve been given. i’m not saying that it’s bad, i’m just saying that i’m having difficulty with things that are seemingly easy for everyone else. i’m tired of saying sorry for my failures caused by my anxiety and depression. like it doesn’t just magically go away. why is it a shocker that i have a near failure moment every trimester… i am a severely damaged person with a lot of trauma and mental health issues, including awful panic attacks and crippling depression. why is it news every time it cripples me. it should be news every time i overcome my barriers and do okay, not the other way around. i’ve been kinder to myself than ever before, and maybe that’s why i don’t care what happens around me. i’m like fuck all. i understand that i have financial and temporal limitations that i can only overcome by doing these certain tasks set by my sponsors but i think we are all forgetting that at any time i could just give up. and i know that such a statement made out loud would spark outrage among The Family™️ because their only way of perceiving literally anything i say is as a threat, an act of rebellion, or revenge. The problem with these perceptions and with said Family™️ is that it’s all about them or in relation to them whereas the one goal in my life is to try to separate myself from that sinkhole. okay let’s do a thought experiment; what would happen if i gave up ??!!!!

what does giving up even look like? this doesn’t mean that i want to give up but for the sake of laying this out for the purpose of thinking through it’s consequences, let’s say, i gave up. i didn’t do my assignments. i didn’t clean my room. inspection happens and i get kicked out of my apartment. i fail a course or maybe even a whole trimester. then what? maybe if we have a lot of money i repeat the whole thing? or maybe i go back? what happens then? i don’t talk to anyone, i buy fabric, i teach kids, i get slut shamed for whatever the fuck i do. i get harassed on the streets. i live with my abusers again. the glimpses into hell, that are the short phone calls w The Family™️, become my continuous inescapable reality. For a couple of years, assuming i survived a couple of years of that, which is so extremely unlikely, and i haven’t even thought about it that deeply yet. Then after a couple of years, i, move out? god the community is awful though. everyone knows everyone and i have a reputation there? always having to think twice about how people feel about me, is a separate level of hell. maybe i don’t socialise, then what? so much is solved just by me living abroad. this thought experiment has been successful so far. i don’t want to give up. because i actually have a lot to lose. dang. dhaka was really that bad, and i was literally one of the luckiest ones there. lot to think about. a lot to fix there.

okay back to the experiment, i avoid the “society” i continue to be as reclusive as i am, maybe even more. i have a small apartment in dhaka, i turn a room into a studio. i get a job somewhere. i deal with difficult people at work. i deal with the awful weather, but i don’t mind it all that much. my life is spent well. it’s just another life. different from how i had expected it to go. in fact, with everything i have learned, and the new perspective i have gained, it might even be less difficult than it was when i had left. i was continuously in the most awful relationships with the most awful people, desperate for some love and romance, but i’m not anymore. i also think that being near daisu and my other friends who care about me made me very happy. also, things were so much cheaper there. i had access to everything. healthcare here is so complicated if you’re not a citizen, and i am not a citizen. and it’ll be a long time before i find out whether i can ever become one. but either way it’s not a bad life at all. there’s difficulties in every life. some more than others but i am resilient. my resilience doesn’t mean i do well at the tasks i’m assigned, but it does mean that i bounce back, no matter what, i bounce back baby.

when i imagine my happy years, my prime, i imagine that i’m financially stable, i live in a humble but cosy apartment, and i’m painting, and it’s raining outside. i live by myself, and maybe i have pets, and maybe i have visitors. i buy flowers for myself, i dress comfortably, i’m no longer scared of being abandoned and no longer at the mercy of my abusers. i can survive on my own. i make a fuck tonne of art. and i keep it all to myself. i listen to a lot of great music, maybe even buy myself a gramophone and record player w those vinyl thingies. or maybe there’ll be a technological feat that lets you hear music in a way that’s better than ever before. maybe projectors will be easier to set up. i might even get into playing video games. maybe i want to retire early. maybe i want to forgive myself, give myself a break, from this lifelong torment of the hustle 25/7 ligma grindset. maybe i will have a life of rest and relaxation. i think i’ll be alright.