#while also getting into eddie's mindset and emotions

[carolmunson]

you keep me without chains | em.

this is a re-post of a ramble fic of me processing some stuff i've been through and am struggling with in my own healing. if you're familiar with my 'bad at feelings' series, it's in a similar vein of writing except eddie is incredibly soft and sweet to reader who is going through her own stuff. eddie sucks here, i don't think it's a correct characterization of him but it's just me using him as a placeholder.

originally, i didn't want to put this story in the tags because it's sad and explores the mindset of someone in a non-physically abusive relationship. however, since it is DV awareness month, i wanted to make sure to express that if there are people reading this who are struggling that they aren't alone and there are people there that understand and support them. and also that if there are younger readers reading (still eighteen plus!) who aren't sure if they are in an abusive relationship they are maybe able to get some context via fiction. my inbox is always open. DV Hotline US: 800-799-7233 DV Hotline UK: 0808 2000 247 tw: 18+ mindors dni, references to emotional and psychological abuse, minor threats of physical violence.

he left this morning with a kiss on your cheek and your lips, a nuzzle against your temple when you gave him two thermos's, one with hot black coffee and the other with the beef stew you made last night. hot hot hot. the way he likes it.

you made bread, so crisp on the outside, pillowy soft on the inside. he groaned when he popped it in his mouth at the dinner table, soaked in broth and butter. you warmed some in the oven when you put his lunch together, wrapping it in foil to trap the heat -- maybe it'll keep until his lunch hour. he might eat it all before his lunch hour. he never eats breakfast really.

you clean the counters and do the laundry while he's away. no kids to take care of, not yet at least. you mend his spare coveralls, treating the grease and oils stains, resewing his name tag stiched in red thread. you shine your mary janes and stilettos, shine his doc's just to be nice. you fix his patches on his vest from the last show he went to. you clean the stubble out of the sink in the bathroom.

he has the car so there's nowhere to go.

you shower, you do your hair, put make up on, go through the motions while he's not home. he hates to wait for you to do it but you hate looking tired when you're out and about. better to do it when he's busy doing something else.

next door neighbor is heading to the library, knocks on your door to see if you wanna come with. she just wants you to get out of the house for once, stop playing wife to a man who hasn't married you yet.

you hesistate, wanting to be home in time to make dinner, but you can't imagine the library taking too long so you go. she looks at you with a strained pity that you can't stand. he doesn't hit you, so why does she even look at you like that? he'd never do that. he just got back from all that shit with a few screws loose. he never knows what he means when he says it.

he's always sorry. y'know? he's always sorry. sorta.

doesn't hit you but you know how the day will go by the way he says good morning. by the way he wakes up with you -- or without you. know how the night will go by the way he breathes when he comes in through the storm door. by the cadence of his steps on the metal stairs. by the way the van pulls in.

sometimes things break and that's fine cause he just replaces them. he knows he shouldn't have thrown it, he knows he shouldn't have tossed it, he knows. he knows. that's why he gets it the very next day. new plates, new house phone, new coffee pot, new records, new casettes, new picture frames, new flower pots. he doesn't throw them at you. he's only punched the wall twice. he slams his head against it all the time. cause he knows he's not good. he knows. you go to the library and check out some books, laugh at your neighbors jokes, tell her about your weekend in the city visiting his friends. he held your hand in front of everyone and pulled you onto his lap, he joked with you and you laughed the whole time. you went to see a band play that you'd never heard of and he got you a t-shirt and the next morning you all went out for hot chocolate and breakfast and he kissed the whipped cream off your lips and ran his thumb over your engagement ring over and over. he never stopped calling you baby. so charming. so perfect. you don't know what you did to earn it, but you've been chasing it ever since. modeling that week's behavior into this one. tip toes through the tulips of the trailer. jagged. shell like.

you get home from the library and lunch, she even stops with you when you mention you have to go to the grocery store. out of eggs for meatloaf, needed some canned string beans for one of the sides.

it's the best dinner you've made in a while and the mashed potatoes are double whipped and extra buttery because he can never get enough of them. you know that it's little things like that. you love the smile he gets when you tell him you do some things just for him, so blushy and boyish.

'that's so nice, baby,' he gushes, 'thinkin'a me.' and god he gushes. cries when he can't contain it. saw you in a new dress and wiped his eyes. new hair cut sent him into orbit.

so pretty.

you're so beautiful, i don't deserve you.

you're gorgeous i -- i can't even like, think.

presents on your birthday. handwritten notes with tear drops washing over the ink in a wave, blurry letters blue and black, black and blue. he'd never hit you. too in love. too bursting with affection when he looks at you. too nervous when you look at him when he takes you out. when he plays a show. when he sees you get dressed into your pjs at night. you're so good to me. especially when you hold him through those nightmares. when you calm his anxiety, those deep breath panic attacks. the ones that the meds miss when he misses them. you're patient through the mood swings and he always says thank you. he always says it -- you're the only one that understands him. that sees him. sometimes you don't get it. that's what he says at least. you don't get it and that makes him upset. but you're not sure what there is to get. and you try not to get sad about it -- 'bout anything really 'cause you're not the one who got a few screws knocked loose. nothing bad like that happened to you. i mean, sure, maybe some bad things happened to you but not like the way bad things happened to him, right? you wouldn't get it. but he gets you, he tells you all the time. he gets you so well. symbiotic. the only person who knows you, the only person whose been in your skin -- right? at least that's what he says, and he's said it so long you can't help but believe it.

your eyes fall on the newly vased roses he bought you two days ago from the florist near the shop. bright red petals opened and fat, contrasting against the pea green of the walls. you smile at them while you pour gravy over each plate, extra on his mashed potatoes. he kissed you this morning, he was almost late leaving the house -- couldn't stop kissing you. couldn't stop looking at you with those brown eyes, sparkling with a mischief saved for tonight.

the van rolls in as you set the table, still in your outfit from earlier, the books you checked out on the counter need the flowers. the storm door opens off kilter, your throat constricts. you know by the way he doesn't say anything when he comes in the house. work boots kicked off with loud thumps. his jacket swishing with a thwap when he throws it with a grunt to the ground. something bad must've happened at work. 'hey honey,' you say quietly, 'got dinner for you.'

you know better, watching him turn the corner into the dinette, looking down at you from where he stands and you sit. you hold a mug full of orange juice on the table, fingers tapping on it silently while he holds his gaze. 'you goin' somewhere, dressed up like that?' he asks, there's nothing behind those sparkling eyes now. dulled out to hollow brown.

'no,' you shrug, you know how to coreograph your responses now -- still stepping on his toes sometimes, 'went to the library with gina, she just wanted a friend for some errands.'

'you know gina doesn't like me,' he nods, walking to the fridge to grab a beer, 'she doesn't like us together. she hates me.'

'she doesn't hate you, ed,' you assure, voice still calm, mediating, 'no one hates you.'

'your folks hate me, your sister hates me,' he nods, curls bouncing while he takes a swig, like it's normal conversation. so steady, 'you think they like that i got you ever here in this trailer park?'

'my parents don't ha--'

'they do.' and that's final. you don't argue. and he's right. your parents don't like him and that's why you don't call anymore, and they stopped calling you too. so did all your friends from back home.

'so what'd gina tell you about me today, then?' he presses.

'nothin'," you shrug, 'we didn't talk about you.'

'of course not,' he laughs but it's one that sends a chill under your skin, a laugh to not seem so mean when you know he's about to be, 'she was prob'ly tryna set you up with someone. that's why you got all dressed up right? anything to look good for other guys out there.'

's'cuse me?' 'you heard me,' he nods, voice still steady like nothing's wrong, 'that's why you wore all those tight jeans in the city last weekend, right? those dresses? tryna show off to harrington and the guys. don't act like i didn't notice.'

'what are you talking about? why didn't you say anything when we were there?' you heart rate quickens, you try not to get mad.

'i shouldn't have to. but that's how you are, y'know?' he shrugs, another swig, another chuckle, 'makin' dinner and everything, you must've been out there makin' eyes at everyone if you made my favorite.'

'i wasn't doing that,' you urge, voice raising, tears threatening to pool, 'i just made it cause you like it, cause it makes you happy.'

'so you just do anything to make sure i don't get mad? do you even know why you do stuff like this for me?' he asks.

'what are you even saying?' your voice raises again, a mild yell. you're frazzled now, heart racing, head already scrambled.

'don't yell, what're you -- fuck babe, see! this is why gina doesn't like me,' he grits through his teeth, 'cause you're always making a scene over nothing. you're over fuckin' reacting.'

'i --' your voice catches in your throat, quieting, 'i'm sorry? i'm sorry.'

'd'you even know what you're sorry for?' he nearly sneers, 'always sayin' your sorry over nothing. y'know somethin' babe, sorry loses it's meaning when you're sayin' it all the time. it doesn't mean anything from you anymore.'

you nod, losing your resilience, too confused about how quickly you got here -- and he's right. you're always apologizing but half the time you don't even know what you're apologizing for. just that you feel like you need to be sorry. like you need to say sorry.

he holds that stare on you like he's waiting for you to speak again. daring you to say something. you stare down at the wood grain of the table, blank and empty -- numb, even. the mug between your hands is warm from how hard you were gripping the ceramic to keep you grounded.

's'what i thought,' he nods, voice a low rumble while he makes his way to the bathroom.

he'd never hit you.

the slam of the bathroom door makes you flinch.

sometimes you wish he would. maybe it would hurt less than this. at least that physical pain fades, right? at least it wasn't the same dull ache on a bruise that won't go away. are you hemmorhaging? do you just not feel it yet? will it be too late when you do?

he slides into bed with you at night after spending the rest of the evening out back with the other couples and families that were smoking ribs, having a little fire out in the brush. he smells like cigarettes. you could hear his grizzly laugh through the windows while you laid in the dark of your bedroom. too tired after the way he spoke to you to do anything else. everyone's favorite mechanic loverboy in the park.

you feel his fingertips on your shoulder, one of them gliding down the slope of your arm. he presses his lips to your shoulder blade, your eyes shut -- blearing with tears from that dull ache.

'dinner was really good, baby,' he says softly, a whisper.

you try to get out a thank you but it becomes a choke, a sniffle, a gasp. then a cry and then a harder one, remembering how he rolled his eyes at you two weeks ago when you cried after he threw out the love letter you wrote him for your four year anniversary because 'you didn't mean any of that shit anyway'.

he sits up, shushing you softly while his hand smooths over your bicep.

'what is it, sweetheart?' he asks, 'are you mad at me?'

you shake your head no. looking up at him, lying flat on your back. he looks so handsome in the moonlight, concerned eyes and tilted head peering down at you. 'n-no, ed. m'not mad at y-you,' you push out, head still scrambled. you feel guilty about last weekend, about going out today. what if guys really were looking? you know you weren't looking at them but what if they got the wrong idea? gina doesn't know what she's talking about, she's always hated ed. ever since they were kids.

'you just havin' one of your moments?' he asks, soothing voice, 'yeah?' one of your moments. always just one of your moments. couldn't be him, you're just -- maybe you're over thinking it.

'yeah,' you nod, 'm'sorry i went out with gina, baby i -- she didn't say anything bad about you.'

'it's okay,' he smiles, 'm'not mad at you. never mad at my girl.'

'no?' you ask, swallowing hard -- your heart leaps. he's not mad. maybe he just had a rough day.

'no doll, m'never mad at you. you always think i'm mad at you,' he says, thumb brushing away the tears that threatened to roll down the sides of your face to your hair line, 'you need me to kiss it better?'

another sob rips through you, nodding, because you do. you need it. and you sort of hate that you need it. you hate yourself for needing it. but he kisses you and it does feel better. he knows how to kiss you just right, he always has. he knows just where to put his hands. just how to pull away and brush his nose against yours. how to kiss your forehead between affirmations. smooth and understanding, like a movie scene. his kisses are his apologies. his sorry. you accept it every time.

because he doesn't hit you and he never would. in the morning, when the bathroom door slams so hard the walls vibrate, you flinch.

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @devirnis @lover-of-mine @theotherbuckley @jesuisici33 and @daffi-990 Thank you! You are all so amazing and I can't wait for all your upcoming works!

Alrighty ya'll, I am super tired, and I literally just threw this snippet together, but it is part of the noted NFL Buck plan. Here is some more Buck perspective before coming to LA. (Everything NFL Buck can be found here!)

Somehow, he and Eddie went almost eight months without having the whole Buck not being out in public discussion. There had been some tossed away comments, 'I'm just your dirty little secret.' and 'What would the fans think if they knew pretty boy Buckley liked to suck cock?' and even 'Apparently you're the schools most eligible bachelor. If they only knew.' But no actual conversations. To Buck it was a hypocritical unspoken agreement between, him, Eddie, and the handful of people who did know. Let the world see Evan Buckley as the handsome, college football star, bachelor who isn't looking for true commitment with a woman at the moment. Once the door to it all is closed, he is Buck, bi-sexual college student who was deeply in love with a single father paramedic with the most amazing kid. The very man, who used to be so very deep in the closet and was still working through his well ingrained internalized homophobia, that Buck called him out on all those months. Buck shouted and cried and spewed out every part of his heartbreak. Each lash of pain he felt when Eddie failed to hide his disgust and panic at Buck's physical affection. The misery he pushed away each time the paramedic hesitated to return it. All the extra weight he took in his heart for Eddie because Buck could see how the ex-solider tore himself up by being with him while the internal voices of his upbringing raged within him about the wrongness of it. Then with one last ragged breath, Buck ended their lopsided two month relationship that was hurting them both. The break up was less than 24 hours, but Eddie came back with the commitment to be with Buck and to be better. Six months later and there Eddie was, still with the college quarterback, sharing his son and his life with him, and making an effort every day to be proud openly gay man. Eddie was being better. And yet, Eddie never once called Buck out on his unwillingness to be out himself or the effort the younger man puts into keeping their relationship a secret. It had Buck twisted in immense guilt and anxiety. He just kept waiting for the day Eddie would project all his own heartache and anger at Buck for being a hypocritical asshole. So far it hasn't happened and Buck spiraled further each day it didn't. Eventually, he broke, Buck always did when all the remorse and nerves became too heavy. He just wished the dam of emotional turmoil didn't burst while Eddie's mouth was inches away from Buck's half hard cock. And he really wished the end of his internal spiral didn't present itself with the statement, "I hate this."

Getting the mindset of a man who isn't closeted to those he trusts, but needs to be to the rest of the world. This will also be the set up into the agreement of their secret relationship that's been brought up in the past. Hope you all enjoyed!

Tagging (no pressure): @bekkachaos @diazsdimples @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @eddiebabygirldiaz @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @rainbow-nerdss @spaceprincessem @fortheloveofbuddie @athenagranted @eddiescowboy @evanbegins @elvensorceress @malewifediaz @911onabc @911-on-abc @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @try-set-me-on-fire @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @watchyourbuck @thekristen999 @shortsighted-owl @spagheddiediaz @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @eowon @princessfbi @honestlydarkprincess @vampbuckley @bitchfacediaz @buck-coded @housewifebuck @glorious-spoon @buddierights @prosperdemeter2 @gayedmundodiaz @lemonzestywrites

[chevelleneech]

Thoughts for 7x08-8x01

(This is basically just a rambling of thoughts. Read if you want, message me if you want to expand or discuss any part of it, but leave me alone if you’re just going to bitch.)

I have no idea what to expect tomorrow!

Tbh, I hope there’s serious scenes between Amir and Bobby, and I hope Amir isn’t like the kid from s2. I’d actually really enjoy it being a hostage situation, but with Bobby eventually talking him down while at the same time unfortunately walking himself back into a darker mindset.

Because I can’t imagine meeting someone whom you physically altered in a horrible accident, wherein you also killed people, wouldn’t trigger something. And knowing how su*c*dal Bobby was in the first two seasons, Amir being one of Bobby’s victims would be seriously hard on his growth. So it would be interesting to me to see Bobby forgive Amir for whatever he may do, because he is back to feeling like he got more time and happiness than he deserved anyway.

I don’t want Bobby to die, mind you, but ending the season with him seriously injured would be the first one I think we’ve had where we have to wait a seasonal hiatus to find out if the character survives. Tim said he doesn’t want to kill anyone off, but that doesn’t mean the actors can’t choose to leave. If not an injury though, I think ending the season with both Bobby and Amir trapped in a fire would also work.

(This just made me think of how I would have restructured a lot of this season. Maybe I’ll make a post about not?)

Anyway, yeah I’m really intrigued to see how Bobby’s storyline will wrap up the season, because I was feeling like he and Athena got away a little too easy from the cruise ship arc. A lot of this season has felt one and done, with no lasting emotional turmoil. Eddie is gearing up to take some damage, but Bobby already said he essentially overstayed his welcome when he was willing to hold Athena up so she wouldn’t drown. Having that feeling circle back around after being confronted with someone he almost killed? Yes, good.

Circling back to Eddie, I would like to see him fall apart, but I also think I’m in the minority here who isn’t sure it needs to be horrible. I think for as uncertain of himself as Eddie clearly is, he is also self-aware because he has to be for Chris. So what would be most interesting to me, is seeing him lose Chris. Not custody wise, but trust wise.

I think Chris is at an age (12-14) where kids start to see their parents as people, and him finding out Eddie is cheating on his already relatively new girlfriend whom Chris likes, with a woman who either looks like his dead mother or who his dad is convinced looks like her, would be such a great way to integrate Chris into the back portion of the season while also allowing him to grow up as well.

Gavin is the only kid on the show who doesn’t get mature storylines, and while I understand his contract might be different or his health may prevent him from being on set as often, I do think they can give him bigger pieces to play with now. So for me, seeing Chris tell Eddie he doesn’t like who he has become, would be fantastic. It would also tie perfectly into Eddie feeling isolated from his friends and family. Not to mention, if Chris is the one who calls his grandparents to ask for help for Eddie, Eddie is 100% going to think they came to take him away, and lash out more.

So I don’t want Eddie to completely break the way he did before, but having to realize his mistakes and excuses don’t affect just him, would be a good story. And it still leaves room for him potentially discovering feelings or a lack thereof for women in a way he never allowed himself to confront.

With Buck… my mind is blank. I’ve said before I think they wrapped up his coming out arc way too fast, so now he is one of the only lead characters not doing anything. I want more for Athena, but I feel like she could end up part of Bobby’s storyline. Hen and Karen are settling in with Mara, and I honestly think that’s the most consistent plots this season. I am tired of that being like their entire journey, however. They’ve been wanting a second child for like six seasons. Tim needs to let them keep Mara and move on to something that brings Karen further into the fold as a series main.

Back to Buck! Idk. I think we should have seen him single this season or at least be friends with Tommy as they built up to their relationship. Even if it’s meant to be fleeting, some form of a foundation would’ve been nice. I already said I think the jealousy arc was pointless and didn’t do the job it was meant to, if we’re speaking specifically on BuckTommy. As the ship itself is sailing solely on the fact that two men kissed. Because again, Buck has done nothing this season except realize he’s bisexual and tell people, which took two episodes out of ten. Now he’s just around, and kisses Tommy when they need a reason for Tommy to be on screen.

Thus far, nothing about this character development took its time. Nothing about his budding relationship unfolded as we got to know Tommy or what Buck is actually feeling about being queer and being out. Maybe that’ll come within the next two episodes, but I doubt it. And if BuckTommy are still together at season end, s8 will start with them having more development than what they ended with. Unless the season itself picks up at the same spot due to a cliffhanger.

So I guess what I want for Buck is for him to talk to Tommy. For them to end up in an emergency together or for Tommy to be there to pick up the pieces if something happens to Bobby or Eddie, and Buck breaks down about it. I want a reason for why Tommy was kept around, basically. Because he and Buck being acquaintances who kissed did not require this much screen time for Tommy.

Idk. I feel like Tim and company were so afraid of doing the coming out wrong, they ended up doing it poorly. An immediate potential boyfriend for a character they’re tired of writing revolving relationships for, doesn’t make sense. As shown by the lack of development since episode 4.

We didn’t see them realize they were attracted to each other in 7x04. They didn’t even try to become friends in 7x05 as they worked out a date. Tommy didn’t stick around for 7x06 (because that episode was about Madney), and Tommy wasn’t in 7x07 at all. Not even mentioned, I don’t think. So there is factually nothing happening between Buck and Tommy, which I would like to see fixed this season. Unless the plan is for them to not become official, and he’s only here for a short while.

Bringing me to Buddie, which… I have many thoughts, and most of them are pessimistic, lol. Not because I don’t think they’d work in canon, but in the real world I don’t think ABC and Tim are willing to commit for real. Buddie is great for PR sake, but one queer white boy (even a white Latino one!) is enough for them. Which could also explain why Tommy is around for lip service but has no plot, tbh.

So yeah, I don’t know what to anticipate here. If I go with what I hope to see going on with Eddie, then an intervention sort of scenario would probably work best. Maybe Buck is there as a buffer between Eddie and his family or Eddie and whoever potentially confronts him, but when Eddie calls on him to defend him, he can’t because he’s also concerned. Then maybe they go off separately and argue about that which leads to unsaid feelings coming out in the wash? I truly don’t know, but that’s as far as I can see it going if they choose to address it.

If there is no feelings revelations by 7x10 though, then I don’t see it ever happening. I think Tim and the writers are backed into a corner here, and have said over and over the only way I think it can be fixed is by addressing it or calling it quits off screen. And me personally, I’ll take not bringing it up at all in canon this season as them calling it quits, because where else is there for Buddie to go?

Both characters have reached what I would consider pivotal points in their journeys. It’s s7 and whether or not ABC knows they want to take it to 10, s8 has to be something new. I don’t want to go into it wondering: Have Henren finally rounded out their family? Will Eddie find The One? Will Buck find The One? What does this or that Buddie scene mean? Is Athena truly a good or bad cop?

I want to see Athena either forced to retire, put on the stand, or choosing to move up in rank. I want Karen to get a job offer she can’t refuse and the Wilson’s spend at least half the season contemplating moving out of LA. I want Eddie to be single. I want Buck to either be single or develop his current situationship into something lasting. And IF Buck and/or Eddie do have an “Oh” moment in the s7 finale, I want s8 to put in the work to prove it’s been them this whole time but neither realized it.

No more back and forth. No more repetitive storylines. Break the 118 up. Say goodbye to a beloved characters in someway other than death. Move somebody up a rank. Demote or fire somebody. Introduce a new class of probies. Something! Just, be as great as the show has been in the past.

Okay, post over.

[sweettoothvn]

Hellooo!!!

Could you write some red flags about the LI? (if they have any)

Thx uu *gives the creator warn food to give them energy✧)

Andre:

Can be possessive of his partner (it depends on who they're around to be honest.)

Too Oblivious/Naive when it comes to people flirting with him (it can get him in some trouble on accident)

Would you consider his gun obsession a red flag? Depends on your viewpoint on guns tbh.

Casey:

Doesn't look out for himself and tries to prioritize others over himself. (he's not mentally okay)

Considering his Bhaavana abilities, sometimes he tries to take people's negative emotions and put them onto himself. He thinks he's helping when he's probably not.

Also too naive and overly trusting. May mistake mysterious pills on the table for candy. Please monitor him.

Chrys:

Stubborn. She won't leave your side if you want to be alone and you clearly aren't okay. This can be seen as endearing, but some people need to be left alone when they're not in a good mindset and she doesn't understand she's doing more harm than good.

Reckless and carless. Sometimes, her little pranks or practical jokes can go wrong. You could see before the plan even went through that it wouldn't end well, but Chrys doesn't get that not everyone likes pranks. It will take her a while to understand that.

David:

God complex. He thinks he's above everyone he meets, and it's quite rare that he views someone as his equal. This complex stems from some childhood trauma and his intense insecurities.

Sadistic. He's sadistic in that he likes seeing other people fail when they are explicitly in his way. People are just pawns to him.

Substance abuse. He's not a true alcoholic where he can't function 'normally' without alcohol- but he does tend to abuse alcohol when he can or when it's present.

Eddie:

Reckless. He doesn't seem to have much self-preservation either and gets into many dangerous situations or frequently creates dangerous situations.

Ill-tempered. It doesn't take much to get his gears grinding. He's a ticking time bomb and lacks restraint.

Violent. He doesn't like to settle disputes with words. Fists are his immediate go to.

Kieran:

Narcissistic. Self-love is important, but there's such thing as too much. He believes everyone should love him, he's so great after all!

Insecure. Now, of course, his narcissism is more like a shield to hide all of his insecurities that he bottles up. He's pretty easy to manipulate because of them.

Ill-tempered. Similar to Eddie, he also gets offended quite easily. However, words are his first before fists. He wants to see his 'opponent' writhe and squirm as he points out all their flaws and shrink into themselves. That will teach them for messing with him.

Noble:

Possessive. In Gilvan culture, it's common for Gilvans to be possessive and overly protective of their partners. However, that's only acceptable within that community, and Noble doesn't tend to date within that circle.

Obsessive. Once something catches his interest, he believes it's destiny for him to indulge in that interest. Which is usually a person. He is a strong believer in fate.

Substance abuse. Besides having a smoking problem, he tends to abuse any sort of drug he can get his hands on. He wants to know what they'll do to him and how fucked up he'll get. It's sort of thrilling to him. He doesn't truly value his life either, so if his lifespan is shortened because of it, he doesn't care.

Zach:

Pushover. He's pretty easy to sway into doing things he doesn't want to. And no, he will not stand up for himself. He will however stand up for others.

Insecure. He doesn't see himself as a person, probably because he hasn't been treated like one for so long.

Substance abuse. Of course, it's not as severe as David or Noble, but he does have a smoking problem like Kieran. Their father introduced it to them when they were younger.

[nburkhardt]

Dialogue Tag!

Prompt: share a section of dialogue that we like from our own work! It can be funny, sad, ridiculous, mysterious, plot-centric or just characters shooting the breeze…anything! And it can be from a WIP or a posted fic! It can be short or long! Let’s celebrate our beloveds having a chat.

Tagged by @strangersteddierthings 🥰

This is from the second part of my fic Desperate Prayers of a Cursed Man, it’s one of my favorites especially the ending. This was also the part that really made me want to finish it out (even tho I got it on hiatus right now 😵‍💫)

“I- I, have a thing with being called, um, asshole” it’s whispered and it’s only because there’s no other sound in the room that he’s even able to hear it. He’s never heard Steve be this quiet before and god, he doesn’t know how that makes him feel.

There’s no time to think about that though, so he thinks about what was said instead and it confirms what he thought earlier. It was the word and he’s starting to get a sickening feeling, “does anyone, know this?”

Steve shakes his head and glances at him before looking away again, “No, but it’s-it’s okay. I- I am an asshole, whoever that was, was um telling the truth and-“

“What? No, no. Stevie,” Eddie’s stomach is dropping and his heart is beating faster, “Steve, come on, you don’t really believe that?”

He shrugs and goes to pull his hand away but Eddie holds tight, refusing to let go. “Well, why else would they say that? Why keep saying it? I’m- I’m an idiot for believing they liked me, I’m just the babysitter- or um, the buffer”

“Buffer?”

Steve nods, no emotion on his face or in his voice. His eyes are giving it away though; he’s heartbroken. “Yeah, I’m the buffer- the one who takes the hits, why else would they keep an- an, asshole around?”

The way his voice chokes out ‘asshole’ every single time, breaks Eddie’s heart and he’ll be honest- makes him want to fucking punch Mike right now. But he’s not going to leave Steve for a while, refuses to actually. Not until he gets rid of that mindset, that thought process.

He doesn’t even care if it’ll take fucking forever.

Shaking his own head, he squeezes Steve’s hand and moves his other to push Steve’s head gently back to look at him, doesn’t move it once he can see his hazel eyes.

“Steve Harrington, you are not an asshole” he says it with such firmness and confidence, that he hopes and wishes that it’ll be enough for Steve to believe.

Eddie knows it won’t be. This isn’t something he can fix in one go, not even two or five. He doesn’t know how deep it is, but it’s obvious that this thing with ‘asshole’ is ingrained into Steve’s head.

It’ll take a while to recover, good thing Eddie already promised he’ll be here forever.

Steve shakes his head and it’s a little worrying how fast his head is going, “no, no don’t-“

“Don’t? But I’m right, Stevie.” He smiles gently and rubs his thumb across Steve’s cheek to catch the tears that are falling again, “they don’t know what they’re talking about, you are not an asshole. You aren’t, okay? You’re a good person, Stevie. An insanely sweet, caring person.”

Steve blinks the tears away and closes his eyes, leaning into the hand on his cheek and Eddie didn’t know your heart could break this much in one day.

“I’ll tell you who the asshole is, it’s Mike. That little shit,” Sure, it’s probably not his best idea to bring up what had happened outside, but it made to come out eventually. And honestly? Eddie can be a petty bitch if he wants to be. “You shouldn’t believe that, I don’t know why he said it but it was uncalled for and fucking stupid to say, okay?”

Despite his eyes still closed and Eddie’s hand still on his face, he gives the tiniest of nods.

Sighing, Eddie rubs his thumb against Steve’s cheek before taking it back and resting it onto of their clasped hands, “You don’t have to believe me, not right now. I’ll help you figure it out though. Even if I have to remind you day after day. I will do it, I’ll stay by your side and whisper it in your ear just so you know. I could write it down on post-it notes for you, just to stick them all over the place for you to see. I’ll write a list of reasons and make a song out of them. I promise, Stevie, that I won’t stop or change my mind. One day, it doesn’t have to be tomorrow or even a week from now, but I swear, one day you’ll believe me. Because it’s true, you are not an asshole.”

As he’s speaking, there’s tears welling up in his own eyes while there’s tears just rolling down Steve’s cheeks.

Squeezing their hands together, he moves to kneel and lets go of Steve’s hands just to bring them up to his face; gently he turns him to face each other. His eyes are still close, tears still free falling, but facing Eddie now.

“I promise you, Steve Harrington, that I will be right here for you. Nothing will change that. You have me”

It’s the ending that gets me 🥺 it’s also the fact that they aren’t together right here. They’re just friends (with crushes on each other)

Tagging these wonderful writers but remember there’s absolutely no pressure!! @artiststarme @estrellami-1 @steddierthings @henderdads @anzelsilver @zerokrox-blog @mysticcrownshipper

[papabearbobbynash]

Hi papabearbobbynash, what do you think of the finale? So glad that Bobby live. Do you think we'll get to see glimpses of his coma dream in season 8? As flashback that Bobby remembers. I think it would be great if we get to see flashbacks of Bobby's coma dream where he got closure from Marcy and the kids. Maybe him meeting them in the form of his grown children telling him that he belongs in the living world and he's meant to find Athena and that's what makes him wake up?

Hi anon.

This one might be long.

My opinion on the finale is that it was a solid episode... but not as a finale.

I think a lot of people are underwhelmed by this and with reasons, because the writers chose to rush the arcs when there was no need for it, since the show was already renewed.

The show moved to ABC, but majority of the writers are still the same so we end up seeing old bad habits such as "knowing how to build a good drama and failing miserably on concluding it in a satisfying way"

While I watched the episode I really thought they would end up with Eddie or Hen plots unfinished because we were in the middle of the episode and Athena was beginning to search for the culprit.

They had too much to tell in a short time, and even Bobby and Athena arcs (that were the most solid in this season) were affected such as we barely seeing any reaction of 118 or the culprit being too easily found. In fact I think it lacked some emotion we were expecting.

This should have been a 2 hour episode. Maybe this could have helped. Plus I think the expectations were also affected by many journalists spoiling and raising expectations for this finale.

I sure hell hope they revisit certain aspect of this Bobby arc such as the aftermath of his suicidal tendencies, if he is in a better mindset, if bathena communication regarding that is better, them just chilling together after the hell they've been through this season. Because him back at work 2 weeks after his heart attack and smh forgetting he did resignate, surely was not how I wanted this arc to end.

But yes, I'm very happy Bobby lived, the bathena scenes we got were really good and I hope we will get more of it in S8, that hopefully will have more breath between the arcs due a normal episode count.

[dearreader]

so my prediction for eddies arc for the season/on going (or how is like to see it played out). i think with christopher moving to texas we’re going to see a bit more of eddie being unstable/unsure what to do. because from bucks dream we know that if eddie hadn’t been able to get carla he would’ve lost his son because he couldn’t take care of him and now that bucks saying tommy and he won’t have buck around and that’s his work husband/person he trusts a lot (i’d say it’s like an emotional cheating situation but not the cheating part. just them both being reliant on each other emotionally and have that relationship aspect… does this make sense? i forgot the word. his like emotional boyfriend????) is now saying his other friend they won’t have much time to be around him/buck won’t be there for him always. and with how last season they were working on eddie working through his grief and anger over shannon passing i think we might see a more vulnerable eddie because he doesn’t have any former crutches. i think he’ll have to go out into the world and find him self because he doesn’t really know himself. he enlisted when he was young, got married young cause his girlfriend got pregnant, re-enlisted, became the sole caregiver of his son, moved to LA to be a firefighter, and so on. he has just been going through like and i don’t think he REALLY knows himself yet. (last season when bobby talked to him about his guilt over the nun thing bobby said “out religion doesn’t leave us” and he bobby’s bible in the ER and was reading to him was a BIG thing for his character because he was finding comfort in his anxiety and grief. while it also explored eddies mindset and how he has issues he hasn’t or won’t address).

long story short, i think we’re going to see him be ALONE for the first time and have to find himself/figure out who he is. it’s going to be really difficult especially since eddie has been bucks shoulder to help him grow and now bucks grown but eddie now has to grow. we may not get this but i think this would be the most interesting development for him and see what happens. everyone on the shows had a new life unfold and i think we’re going to start seeing this for eddie. i do think this can lead to eddie realizing he does have romantic feelings for buck or examine that relationship and figure out what he’s feeling. overall i just think we’re going to get more eddie stories and i’m foaming at the mouth

[superblysubpar]

Chapter 8!!! Ahh!! You never miss! Just Steve being in love with reader for years and he just stayed bickering with you because at least it was some interaction with you and it was better than not having you in his life at all ahh The coffee and brown bag 😞 I was so sad to see it go to waste lol and both of them crying 😭 and just us being scared and wanting to just run and leave and hide 🥺

Ooh and since you love questions and I’m eager to hear your answers, what has been your favorite part to write in the series so far? And I remember reading your original first part and loving this concept, so it's been exciting to reread that first chapter and see the little differences. I’d love to know how this “re-release” differ from what you originally planned? Oooh ooh and if this bet didn’t happen, how do you think Steve and reader would eventually find themselves together?

don't mind me, just sobbing before 9am, it's cool.

This really did make my morning and week, truly. I'm so glad you loved chapter 8! And funny you mention steve just bickering for some interaction, I have a few lines about this in the last chapter actually, so I'm so glad you've already picked up on that's what he was doing! And right? I would fold if that boy brought me coffee and a treat and we just broke his heart and now it's in the trash?! come on!!

also questions!!!!!! oh these questions!! I'm so sorry, I truly can't shut up!

I don't know if I've had a specific part that I've loved more than the others. They all have felt really fun and good to write, even the sucky angsty parts. I did really love the flashback of the spin the bottle party, and the diner with steve, and also the car accident scene. But I think overall, I've loved the challenge and practice I made this out to be for myself. I wanted to not take it so seriously with editing and what not and just write and I have a good time, and I hope the fun and love I'm putting into it is coming out. I also challenged myself to do more "scenes", focus on my dialogue, and conveying a lot of different (and constantly changing) emotions in few words and back story. For screenwriting, I don't get to do so much inner head monologues for a character, and it's been a challenge for me to switch to that mindset sometimes!

As for the "re-release", so I actually did not have any flashbacks planned until I wrote the bike one in chapter 2 and was like...hold on...which kind of took my plot and twisted it up. Which, funny enough, a screenwriting podcast I listen to was like, sometimes you have this thought, and you have to keep throwing things up and questioning it and sometimes it sucks, cause it breaks your entire plot but you know it's the right move and you're back to square one. Which is exactly what happened haha. That flashback just sort of poured out of me and at the time, I was like, okay I'll make it work. But the more I tried to write the original plot, the more I was like, obviously this isn't the story I want or need to write. Originally, there was no "we've both been in love forever" plot, I was trying to strictly write an enemies to lovers. I wanted them to just hate each other and I wanted steve to fall while plotting against reader and I wanted reader to fall harder despite being plotted against. I wanted a big blow up of steve taking the money from eddie and reader thinking that's all he wanted and for steve to realize that wasn't all he wanted. But alas, here we are, and I'm so happy and proud of how it changed.

And oh my gosh, what a great question. I like to think that they're obviously forced to be around each other through work and friends, and the more time spent together, the more Steve falls and gets the nerve to do something about it. I do think maybe there'd have to be some sort of vulnerable moment still, like the very first storm and the hand holding in the basement - something that makes him seem not so annoying and evil to reader and something that shows Steve she doesn't hate him, not really. And then I think Steve would just keep trying to flirt - conversations like the one in the car when he asked "did you ever stop and think that maybe I've never even tried because I knew you wouldn't listen" and reader just 👁👄👁 at him. until they kiss and love each other because, hello, no bet and miscommunication about feelings! But that's no fun 😉

So, long story, not short, thank you so much for reading and thank you so much for letting me ramble and ramble and ramble some more, you're an angel. 💛

[15-minute-manifestation-pdf]

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The goal of the program is to use the science of the brain to manifest everything you desire.  As per the official webpage, it works neurologically and based on the neurological concept of neuro-feedback and sound waves it positively influences your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and decision-making capacity.  It has been scientifically confirmed that delta and theta mind waves can change the way you truly think and believe. The idea that Eddie Sergey applies here is pretty simple. He applies his program to get into your subconscious mind and alter the way you think and believe without moving through your conscious mind. It uses subliminal programming and theta sound waves, combined with relaxing sounds from nature to help rewire your subconscious thoughts. When we start implementing the qualities in action it will become firm and it will become a natural part of the thought process. We cannot live in the past and we cannot live in the future. The more we are fully present IN the present moment, the clearer our insights are and the more-suitable our decisions will be. And the more we open fully TO the moment (both externally and internally), the more vibrant and rich life becomes. Countless people have used it to reduce years of negative thinking, wiping the slate clean and allowing them to live a life that they could only previously dream about. The process is so effortless that you simply won't believe it!

It’s different for everyone. It can change what you think about your thoughts, and how you react to your own thoughts. Personally I’d believe that Exposure to subliminal messages can over time change your subconscious mind, which can and will boost your self confidence so that when you look in the mirror you see your positives, you will start to feel more confident, happier, etc. Thus you become more attractive to other people. Who doesn’t find someone confident and happy attractive? Again this is just how I find they work.  I recommend the practice to be regular. With interest and intense practice the words of affirmations will naturally become part of your thoughts. This program helps you create a manifestation of your goal, thereby making you feel safe and secure. Meditation helps us to step into reality, rather than living in the fantasy of our minds. The program is guaranteed to have no hazardous effects. However, to make sure complete safety, you are encouraged not to use this program while driving. 

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[cinematicnomad]

1, 7, 11, 32, 34, 39

001. how long ago did you start reading fanfiction? writing fanfiction? oh man. i’m not sure exactly but my memory is that i started reading fanfic in 8th grade when i was 13 and living in south florida. and i started writing my own fanfic that summer (2005) that i turned 14. sooo...i’ve been reading and writing fanfic for 15+ years??? oh damn. 

007. do you prefer to read short fics or long fics? LONG FICS!! literally the first thing i do when i discover a new fandom or ship is to search through ao3 by word count. i just really love to settle in and read something long (and i’m talking...crazy long. i have read fics that are over 1,000,000 words before and i fucking love it). 

011. how do you come up with your fic titles? oh basically all of my fic titles are from songs. so show me (family) is from the song ho hey by the lumineers. take my hand (take my everything) is from slip away by perfume genius. taste my beating heart is from howl by florence +the machine. some of my older fic titles are just grabbed from the body of the story. 

the only interesting story is from: hands split and bless on curving man. that title comes from this outdoor book festival i stumbled across in london? and they had this archway that you could walk through and people were taping together pieces of paper with different words on them and hanging the chains from the ceiling of the archway. which meant that when you walked through it you were literally walking through poetry. “hands split and bless on curving man” was the poem i strung together and hung, and then eventually i used it for a supernatural fic framed around the winchester family and their hands. 

032. copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. what fics do they come from?

But now, the apartment dark as the sun has set outside, the only noise the sound of Chris’ movie filtering up into the loft, Eddie feels like he’s intruding on something. Like he shouldn’t be here, in this moment, in this space, where Buck is at his most vulnerable.  —so show me (family)

[Claudia] died the same way Stiles was born. Swaddled in hospital blankets, in the arms of the two people who loved her most in the world. —a little better

[Mary]’s never there. Hasn’t been since Dean’s world went up in flames and his sense of self disappeared into the night sky to be replaced with the baby in his arms.  —gentle caress

034. how much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? what do you think your readers’ image of you is? sometimes it depends. in my most recent fic so show me (family) i put A LOT of my own experiences into the story. specifically most of buck’s injuries and childhood experiences (check: i’ve fallen down a flight of stairs multiple times, once drunkenly at a party trying to lean against a wall that wasn’t there and once stone cold sober carrying a vacuum cleaner that resulted in a broken face. in high school my friends and i got caught drinking in the woods on private property and escaped the cops by running into the trees. i broke my elbow as a kid and (unlike buck) i told my parents immediately but we waited a night before taking me to a hospital. and i chose to start going by my nickname in 9th grade and didn’t give my parents a heads up before they went to a back to school event). 

in taste your beating heart there’s a throwaway line about how stiles “brought home a dead raccoon when he was six and asked if he could keep it” which is kIND OF GNARLY but based on a story of me when i was 5 petting a dead opposum in our backyard because i thought it was a sleeping dog and asked my dad if it could be our pet. SO. 

i’m sure there’s more out there but those are the examples that stick out in my head right now.

039. what’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on? i think i’ve got an ear for dialogue. growing up i always liked to kind of daydream fake conversations between me and my crushes or celebrities i liked or whoever. and i donno, i just feel like over time i’ve gotten to know the rhythm of conversations and such? sometimes i’ll read fics and the conversation can feel stilted or overly written and i’m sure my dialogue isn’t perfect but it’s something i don’t have a hard time with. sometimes when i’m writing a scene the dialogue will come to me so fast i’ll end up just writing down all the dialogue in a rush and then go back and fill the prose in later. (that’s what happened with the eddie+maddie scene in take my hand (take my everything)). 

fic writer ask game

[itsclydebitches]

Emotional Indifference and the Contradictory Heroism of RWBY

I was thinking today about this bit from the Volume 8 commentary where Eddy discusses Jaune’s focus on the mission

“I talked about this a little bit in chapter 9... but just how... we quietly had these little moments for Jaune all volume just to kinda show his mindset of like ‘I’m gonna do the hard thing I still got a job to do’... and how that carried through all the way to this kind of like, ultimate moment for him.” 

as well as Jaune’s surprising lack of emotion in our finale. We’ve already discussed Ruby being unnaturally stoic after Yang supposedly dies, with all the emotion instead going to Blake as her presumed, soon to be confirmed love interest. However, though we’ve focused on that largely due to a number of other factors coming to a head —the lack of sisterly moments between Ruby and Yang, Ruby’s iffy status as the central character, the entire group failing to demonstrate sympathy at other, crucial times—in re-watching the finale, it occurred to me that everyone is remarkably chill regarding the murder of their friends and teammates. Though I do think that Weiss’ shaking hands as she shoots Blake’s gun is a great touch, have we highlighted that detail because that’s the only reaction Weiss has? Otherwise, she’s putting a comforting hand on Blake’s shoulder, telling Ruby to keep going in a monotone, or fighting precisely as she’d always fight, whether people are dying or not. Similarly, Penny fiercely tells Cinder that she wouldn’t know anything about having friends, but that line is delivered just like every other ‘We’re better because we love each other’ speech in the show. Watch this in a vacuum and you’d have no idea that Penny is responding to Cinder murdering Ruby and Blake, then blaming Weiss for it by saying that of course a Schnee lets all her friends die first. The emotion of Penny’s assertion in no way matches the intensity of the situation and her initial, unguarded reaction isn’t much better. What does Penny do when her first and arguably only true friend is killed? She puts a hand over her mouth and say “No!” If you really squint, you can just make out a single tear that never falls.

Meanwhile, back to Jaune, he has the most extreme non-reactions of the group. After Blake and Ruby are killed, while Penny is in denial and Weiss shoots at Cinder, Jaune rejoins Nora and orders her to bring all available fighters back to help. He knows two of his friends have just died, that’s why he’s calling for reinforcements—the terms of the fight have changed. Yet instead of sharing a moment of shock, or grief, or even just repeating his leadership position from “Worthy” where he reminds Nora that they have the civilians to care for (AKA, focus on protecting the vulnerable no matter how bad things get), we have this:

Determined expressions with smiles accompanied by a ‘Let’s go, team!’ hand clasp. This is the kind of moment I would expect at the very start of this battle when they’re still hopeful of everything working out. Not now when its all gone to hell and two friends have fallen into an abyss just seconds before.

When Weiss supposedly dies? Jaune’s eyes widen for a moment. That’s all.

Winter is the one who gets to pound the ground, cry, “whimper,” as the subtitles put it, in grief. Outside of Blake’s reaction to Yang’s fall, she’s the only one who (to me) reacts naturally to losing a loved one. Despite the fact that Ruby also lost a sister. Despite the fact that this entire show is built on the group loving each other enough to overcome the impossible. Penny just reiterated that theme: you don’t have friends, but we do. That’s why we’ll win.

So what gives?

Well, I’m wondering if the commentary provides some insight into the writers’ thought process here. Of course, this is entirely conjecture on my part, I’ll never really know their intentions, or how they interpret their characters, but twice now we’ve seen them praise Jaune’s lack of emotion and, frankly, that feels noteworthy to me. First, within the story-world, Ren and Yang stand in awe at the fact that Jaune supposedly feels no fear within Salem’s whale. Not that he’s overcoming it, but that it doesn’t exist.

Ren: Of course I'm scared. [Jaune] on the other hand... There's no fear at all. I can see it, he believes we're going to get this done.

Though a sentence earlier Ren tells Yang it’s okay to be afraid, don’t hide it with a joke, this line seems to be teaching the opposite. By admiring Jaune’s lack of base emotion, the implication is that they look up to him and hope to emulate him in this regard. Indeed, Yang decides that if Jaune thinks they’ll succeed, then she does too, presumably shrugging off her own fear as a result. Then, months after this aired, we get a commentary that highlights Jaune’s ability to “do the hard thing,” to essentially turn off his emotions and get the job done. As a few anons have pointed out recently, Jaune has been positioned as emotionally a step ahead of the group now, moving from the inept member to someone consistently offering advice that others want to follow (the “Let’s do both” plan, negotiating with the Ace Ops, telling Ren how to react and having him embrace that, etc.), which made me wonder if this is a characterization they want for the entire group, it’s just that Jaune is currently best at demonstrating it. And, according to the whale scene, the finale, and the commentary, Jaune’s characterization —the ultimate lesson he has to impart —is how to go through these horrors without letting them emotionally touch you. 

Basically, I’m wondering if there is a potential, deliberate message that good heroes shouldn’t be rattled by the horrors they experience in battle, let alone let those emotions guide them. They should be able to shrug anything off and, as said, get the job done. If they fail at that, it’s because they haven’t quite mastered the ability to turn those emotions off yet (Penny’s teeny, tiny moments of grief), an emotional break serves another narrative purpose (forwarding a romantic reading for Blake and Yang), or the situation is so extreme that a quick expression of grief is, by the standards of the show, justified. It’s worth noting that Jaune sheds tears not for Yang’s apparent death, not for Ruby and Blake (as pointed out, he’s still mustering smiles at that point), and not for the loss of Weiss. Rather, he cries when he personally has to finish Penny off. The emotion is tied to the horror of this particular act—assisted suicide—rather than the loss of the relationship itself, given that Jaune barely even knew Penny. He cries over losing a virtual stranger whereas Ruby doesn’t cry over losing her sister because these moments where the characters break are stemming from the drama of the act, not their natural, human inclination to express grief, horror, denial, or fury at the loss on its own.

Looking back at the post-Volume 3 series, there are a number of moments that potentially fit this idea of the writers taking the heroes towards a near emotionless state. Or rather, emotionless in the sense of denying themselves sympathy-based reactions, both for themselves and others. Anger and disgust, meanwhile, remain alive and well. Fans have long been upset that Yang seemed to shrug off her PTSD the moment she helped kill Adam, but from this perspective why wouldn’t she? The job was done. Ruby has no reaction to endangering Argus, or testing Kingdom relations, and she shows no hesitation at taking that headshot on Cordovin. But why would she? She has a job to do.

Yang and Oscar are allowed to voice their uncomfortable feelings about lying to Ironwood, but once Ruby says that this is what’s happening, both bury their emotional ties to the situation because, well, this is the job now. It doesn’t matter how they feel about the situation. Good heroes like Jaune will push that aside and get the job done.

Obviously, the group still feels and expresses emotion, but none of it drives them anymore. Being that mad at Ozpin doesn’t result in them choosing to do something other than his last order to carry the Relic to Atlas. Nora’s devotion to Mantle doesn’t amount to anything other than uselessly yelling at Ironwood. When Blake and Yang decide that they don’t like secrets, rather than going after that original goal—stop lying to Ironwood—they decide to let Robyn in on things, a secondary mission that is removed from the “job” of following Ruby’s order. At this point in the series, decisions are driven by whatever plot RT is eager to get to and any emotion surrounding those tasks is fiercely ignored. I used to think that RWBY just wasn’t interested in examining the way the plot would inevitably change if characters were allowed to make choices based in their own experiences, perspectives, and desires. I do still think that. The “hive mind,” as the critical side of RWBY has dubbed it, remains a distinct problem in the series. But now, I can’t help but wonder if that lack of individuality is not just because it makes for an easier time writing the story, but also because the writers honestly believe that heroes who put aside everything to follow the “job” are more heroic than someone who will challenge that goal, or even just someone who needs a bit of emotional support to get through it. Yang doesn’t push her perspective about Ruby’s bad leadership, she drops it. She goes on to tell Ren to do the same. The message is: don’t waver from the job set out, no matter what you might think about it. Meanwhile, the characters who most give in to the horrors of the situation are also painted as the most flawed. Ozpin is a monster for needing time alone after everything they put him through. Qrow is a disappointment for struggling with alcoholism and, in order to become a loved member of the team again, must instantly get over it—working through it isn’t allowed. Yang, as said, got over her PTSD and it hasn’t come up since. She and Blake have no need to discuss the man they killed. Maria automatically labels herself as lesser than them because she needed to step away from being a huntress after losing her eyes. May is terrible for letting transphobic parents influence her decision to help Mantle over Atlas (and I’ve spoken elsewhere about how that was never just a biased decision). Oscar definitely doesn’t need to work through Ironwood shooting him, or his extended torture session, and Ren straight up is not allowed to be upset about all the horrible things that have happened to them. Meanwhile, the closest we got in the Atlas arc to a breakdown—Ruby hiding in the mansion, paralyzed and unable to make a decision—is hastily painted as the heroic choice. Ruby isn’t buckling under the weight of her bad choices, no, no, she’s just such so pure-hearted that she’ll choose both... the impossibility of that aside. More and more characters are praised for stoically moving in the same straight line and criticized for giving in to their emotional needs.

It’s a lot of moments that, on their own, might not mean much, but put together they paint a rather uncomfortable picture for me. I’ve long commented on the increased group-think and decreased compassion in the show, but Volume 8 was the first time I noticed a lack of emotional engagement with their quest framed as an asset and the commentary seems to reinforce that: Jaune is good because he’s fearless, because he can (mostly) turn everything off and focus solely on the task at hand. If this kind of thinking extends to characters other than Jaune, it would go a long way towards explaining why there’s now such a disconnect between the kind of heroes we want and the heroes we’ve been getting. If the writers are under the impression that the best heroes are capable of shoving aside all sympathy-based emotion to get the job done, then no wonder the group never unpacked what happened to Ozpin. No wonder everyone was only frustrated with Qrow’s drinking, never compassionate. No wonder their desire to get to Atlas outweighed any harm they caused in the process. No wonder lying to Ironwood came easily despite hating having that done to them. No wonder there was no grief at fighting the Ace Ops. No wonder most of them had barely any reaction at all to their friends, presumably, dying in that void. Every time there’s a job to do that, if you’re heroic enough, outweighs any emotions you might be having about the job itself. This might also explain the writers’ celebration of Weiss threatening Whitley. Real heroes aren’t bogged down by pesky things like love for their little brother. The job comes first. Here, the job is to secure a safe place for Nora, so Weiss will do anything to accomplish that. The idea of Weiss changing her approach because of love for her brother is, apparently, not an option. The message seems to be that though heroes love and will comfort each other at times, once that gets in the way of whatever task has been set, connecting and making new choices as a result of emotion is shoved aside. Hence, why both Yang and Jaune have no time for Ren once his emotions threaten their current objective.

I could talk a lot about how hard it is for audiences to connect to a cast like this (as we’ve seen). I could also point out that this is actually a fascinating, nuanced topic with a hundred more questions attached. The reality is that any hero should be struggling to balance what they think they need to do with their own desires and emotional health. Does the hero sacrifice their loved one if it means saving the rest of the world? (Ironwood). At what point does a moment of giving up change from being relatable to infuriating? (Ruby). And in a fight-heavy story, how do you show realistic reactions to loss without interrupting the flow of the action? (I’m obviously not saying that everyone in “The Final Word” should have collapsed in shock, or been so distraught that they too are immediately killed off). There’s a lot more to say about the impact of this kind of characterization overall, but I’d like to end with the acknowledgment that, like so much else in RWBY, it undermines one of its core themes. RWBY isn’t just a story where characters are uncomfortably dismissive of their own and others’ emotional needs, it’s also the story that has painted an emotionless, logical approach to solving the world’s problems as outright evil.

Doesn’t Jaune’s ‘I’m gonna do the hard thing I still got a job to do’ sound a lot like a soldier following their orders? He’s not giving in to his own needs, his own emotions, or his own view of a situation. Ruby gave him a task, so he’s going to complete it. Penny told him to kill her, so he’s going to do it. So what’s meant to separate the mindless soldier from the heroic friend if both are prioritizing their job over their emotions? The entirety of the Atlas arc was already incredibly hypocritical when it came to loyalty—everyone is allowed to be loyal to Ruby, that’s love, but no one is allowed to be loyal to Ironwood, that’s bootlicking—but now we’ve got this added issue of Jaune’s ability to turn off his emotions being framed as his greatest skill, while the Ace Ops’ ability to do the same thing is their biggest flaw. Same with Ironwood. As others have already pointed out, Ironwood’s ability to ignore his emotions (literally if we consider Mettle to be canon) and make the hard call of leaving Mantle is framed as proof of his instability and growing, evil nature. Yet Jaune’s ability to ignore his emotions and make the hard call of killing Penny is a sign of his strength and growing heroism. How are we meant to reconcile this? Outside of the nonsensical ‘Jaune automatically Good, Ironwood automatically Bad,’ of course. 

I already have a problem with the show upholding the group’s callous responses and non-reactions as something to aspire to, but beyond that, the writers are leaning into this characterization after they’ve spent two Volumes drawing less than subtle connections between it and the antagonists. After watching the group abandon Ironwood for attempting the hard thing and the story celebrating his death after he continued to try, Jaune’s own willingness to take morally dubious action for the greater good no longer has the impact RT clearly hoped it would. According to the logic of the show, that’s not the mindset of a hero, but a villain. Yet since there’s no way the story would ever go in that direction, we’re left not only with a group of protagonists whose status as heroes is built more and more on their emotional indifference, but also a glaring contradiction as to what such emotional indifference is meant to represent.  

[backtothestart02]

We Met on a Train - 6/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Enjoy!

For @candistinasworld

...

Chapter 6 -

Iris closed the front door behind her and was a fraction of a second away from releasing a heavy sigh when she heard the familiar voice of her father beckoning her from where he sat at the kitchen table.

“Iris? Is that you?”

She poked her head in and slipped off her shoes, sidling out of her jacket and hanging it up before joining him.

“Yeah, it’s me, Dad,” she said, joining him at the table.

“You’re in late,” he said. “What were you out doing? And with whom?”

“I-” She paused, sensing danger in his tone should she answer wrong. “I’m sorry?”

“Well, I just assume you were with someone.”

“What makes y-”

“Didn’t you go out with Eddie earlier?”

“Ah, yes. I did go out with Eddie at Jitters. That’s where I was.”

“You weren’t out long with him though.”

She frowned.

“What do you me-”

“Eddie came back to the station after just a half hour, and he was in a sour mood to boot. He also informed me that he knew about our little…arrangement and the ‘pity dates’, as you called them? Neither of us were amused.”

Now she did sigh.

“Dad, I can explain.”

He waved her off.

“What I want to know, though, is who the man was you were screwing at our local skating rink.”

Her jaw dropped. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t form one sentence.

“Who is he, Iris?” he asked, softer this time. “And please tell me you won’t be seeing him again. You’ve realized the error of your ways, and-”

“He’s nothing! Nobody!”

He’s somebody, her inner voice urged.

“He’s just…some guy I met on the train, and we bumped into each other again, and I guess we got a little crazy, but I’m not going to see him again, so it doesn’t matter.”

She got up out of her seat just as tears started to surface, and she turned away, but Joe West could hear the sniffles, and it told him loud and clear that there was something a little more important going on then just violating the rules at the city’s skating rink.

Not wanting her to bolt though, he continued in the way he’d begun.

“I talked to the owner of the skating rink. He’s willing to drop the charges on you.”

Iris sniffled, but she wouldn’t look at him.

“Good. That’s good.”

“At the time, I was pretty irate, so I said to hell with it for the guy you were with, but if you want me to go back-”

“No, no, it’s fine. He knew what he was doing when he asked me to…” But her heart sank, because she wanted to defend Barry more than she wanted to smooth things over with her dad.

Joe let the silence between them simmer for a few seconds longer before making a final decision, voicing a question that was starting to get to him really.

“Iris, are you sure you just met him on the train?”

“I’m going to go upstairs for a while and get comfortable. I’ll come down for supper in a bit, okay?”

She was sniffling harder now, closer to tears. Joe felt helpless, so he only mumbled in agreement, to which she didn’t respond unsurprisingly.

He sank back into his seat, mystified and saddened when he heard her burst into tears after unintentionally slamming her bedroom door upstairs. He’d never see her like this before. Not with any boy, and certainly not with one she’d just met.

He’d made a plan for himself after talking with Eddie and the skating rink owner. He was going to fill his daughter in on what he knew and find out the rest of the details, after which he’d inform her she was not to see the boy who’d clearly gotten her to act out by peer pressure or seduction, maybe both, and she’d just have to listen and comply with his demands.

Not in a million years did he expect her to be so distraught before he’d even dealt out his punishment. She was still his daughter, even if she was in her 20’s now and successfully thriving on the west coast. As long as she was under his roof…

Well, it hardly mattered now, because his whole mindset had shifted. His heart had been moved by his daughter’s devastating emotions, and all he wanted in life was to understand and to help.

There was only one person that could help him help her, and that was her mother.

Cecile wouldn’t like it, but when it came to their daughter, Francine was always the first call. He glanced at the wedding ring on his finger he still hadn’t had the courage to take off, even after three years with his live-in girlfriend, and wondered if it was time.

He shook his head.

Not now. Later. Maybe. If he remembered.

“Hi, Fran?” He waited for her to respond. “Is this a bad time?”

“What is it, Joseph?” she asked, sounding wearied but at the same time willing to listen.

“It’s about Iris.”

“I’ll be right over.”

…

Three nights later on the eve of Christmas Eve, Barry was still feeling melancholy over parting from Iris. He’d been nonresponsive since he came home, not offering much in the way of conversation when he was with either one of his parents. He knew they were concerned about it, but despite his positive attitude initially that he and Iris were destined to find each other again, he’d yet to come up with a plan other than trying to remember which house she’d gone into when he’d dropped her off and storming the gates, begging her to go out with him.

He was leaving the day after Christmas, not staying for New Year’s this time around, and he knew he should be spending the time making memories with his parents or even reconnecting with old friends, but he couldn’t get Iris out of his head. It dragged him down every waking moment, making each second with him practically unbearable.

“Barry,” his mom approached him at about half-past six that evening. “I think it’s time we talked.”

“About what?” He sighed.

She cleared her throat.

“Well, your father and I-”

“I’m okay, really,” he started, turning to her, and then realizing promptly that she was looking particularly festive, more than she had an hour ago. He frowned. “Why are you wearing that? It’s not Christmas yet.”

“That’s what your mother’s trying to tell you, son,” Barry’s dad said, joining them. “We’re kind of having a get together tonight.”

“Huh? With who?”

“The Wests, actually.”

“Who are the Wests?” Barry asked, dumbfounded. He couldn’t remember the last time his parents had friends over. They usually kept to themselves and were happy to do so.

“It’s actually a funny story.” Henry chuckled, about to tell said funny story when the doorbell rang.

“Is that them?” Barry’s eyes bulged.

“Oh! They must be early!” Nora Allen brushed past them and headed for the door. “Go put on the clothes I set out for you, dear.”

“Me?” Barry turned to his dad. “Is she talking to me?”

Henry gestured to his outfit and saw it was already fully Christmassy in red and green.

“Mom, I-”

“I’m opening the door!” She waved him away towards the stairs, and Barry sped-walk up them before he could even see who was walking through the door.

He heard murmurings of his mother saying ‘hello’ and ‘we’re so glad you can make it’ and ‘wow, there are so many of you!’ Barry nearly rolled his eyes at her exuberant voice, but he was too busy trying to figure out how he was going to get out of his depression and match his own tone with the bright red sweater and blue jeans she’d set out for him on his bed. He did roll his eyes when he saw she’d even set out Christmas-themed socks for him to wear. To appease her – or he’d hear about it later – he switched into those too.

Coming down the stairs, he moved easily into the living room where they were all chatting. But he did not so much as say hello, because just then his father was coming out from the hall where a familiar someone was smiling, chatting with him after presumably having given him her coat.

“Barry!” He heard his mother say, though it sounded so far away to him suddenly. “This is-”

“Iris.”

“Barry.”

Her eyes widened, and her lips parted – those beautiful ruby lips that he’d ached to press his own to for three days now.

The only other man in the room shifted, possibly uncomfortably? Barry wasn’t really paying attention.

“Do you two know each other?”

“I-”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Barry said easily, and Iris’ jaw dropped further.

“Your what?” A younger man asked, bored previously. “My sister doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Neither does my daughter,” Joe West said gruffly.

Barry and Iris couldn’t look away from each other though, couldn’t register what anyone else was saying.

All they knew was quite suddenly Nora Allen was urging everyone into the dining room for supper, and a sliding door closed behind them, so that they were left alone. Barry thought he heard his mother say something about them coming in whenever they were ready, but he couldn’t be sure. All he could see and hear and breathe…was Iris.

“Your girlfriend?” she finally asked.

He couldn’t tell if she was mad or not, but his lips quirked into a slight smirk anyway.

“It just came out.” He shrugged helplessly.

She scoffed and shook her head, unable to come up with words. And that’s when Barry moved for her, acting better than words possibly could by capturing her face in his hands and kissing her soundly on those perfectly-shaped plump lips.

Iris pushed him away shortly after but not before she’d kissed him back a few times. It was the spell he’d put her under, she was convinced. She always caved, at least initially.

“Stop it, what if they see?”

“What if they don’t?” His smirk widened into a grin, and he leaned in again.

She put her hand out to his chest to stop his advances.

“Like certain other someones didn’t see last time?”

He winced. “Gonna hold that against me forever, huh?”

“My dad knows, Barry.”

“Knows about me?” He asked, wide-eyed. He didn’t think she’d ever tell.

“Not you, specifically. But he knows about what happened at the skating rink, and he’s a detective. He’ll figure it out if we’re alone for too long or if we sit together or look at each other or-”

“Or maybe he won’t. Maybe we pretend we’re dating while we’re in town.”

She scoffed. “He won’t buy it.”

“You’re a reporter, aren’t you? Haven’t you ever gone undercover?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“So, do it again, now. Say you met me in Coast City.”

“I already told him I met…the guy on the train.”

“So, say you lied.”

“Barry.”

“Come on, Iris,” he urged. “I want to kiss you under the mistletoe, and take you sledding, and roast marshmellows with you over the fireplace. Eggnog? You must have a famous recipe.”

She wrinkled her nose but nodded.

“My Grandma Esther’s.”

His pearly whites shone.

“I knew it.”

She laughed.

“Fine, but that’s it! Just while we’re in town. Then we have to go our separate ways.”

“Sure, sure. Of course,” he agreed, like the liar he was. “I mean, our parents are friends anyway. That can’t possibly mean anything.”

She rolled her eyes and then looped her arm through his.

“Alright, honey. Let’s go meet the fam then,” she drawled.

He chuckled and took one step with her before bringing her to a stop.

“What?”

“One more thing.”

He turned her face towards his and leaned in for a sensuous kiss.

“Tell me you’ve missed this,” he said between kisses. “Because I have. Every second of my day since we parted ways, I’ve missed it.”

Despite all her intentions to remain strong, the sight of him and his advances were her undoing.

She moaned.

“Oh, god, they’re making out,” came from the other room.

“They are not making out,” Nora Allen chuckled nervously. “I’ll just go check on them.”

Barry and Iris quickly pulled away and crossed the room just in time for Nora to open the sliding doors.

“Iris, you first, dear.” She gestured to the table.

Barry looked at his mother strangely before she licked her thumb and pressed it to his face to remove a smudge.

“Mom,” he complained. “What are y-”

“Whatever you say in there… The real story later, yeah?” she whispered, then showed him the smudge of Iris’ lipstick now on her thumb.

Barry blushed, then cleared his throat.

“Yeah, okay.”

She stepped aside and pushed the doors further open so he could find his way to the only remaining open seat – next to Iris.

“So, tell us,” Nora said, taking her seat beside her husband and noting how Barry immediately laced his fingers through Iris’. “How did you two lovebirds meet?”

[blueofthesun]

incoming long post of slightly better articulated (yet still waffly) phalaris main album thoughts before i log off and go to bed

schadenfreude is musically quite reminiscent of tiw and/or twom at times, and while not my personal favourite, i think the opener spot is the best place for it. i see it as leading us into the new album while also tying into the previous era. it does still feature the kinds of synth elements that punctuate this album, and those parts in the song (i.e the intro and the bit at approximately 3:30 with the twinkly guitar and the low synth backing kyo’s vocals) are the parts i like the most.

i don’t understand the title choice for the perfume of sins but the song is a right banger and i wish it had been a single instead of ochita. but i guess that’s what you get when you start putting out singles as early as they did for this album. the symphonic bits are amazing. i also finally watched the mv and i love the execution (pun intended...)

at least initially i feel much more drawn to the second half of the album, which i think sounds fantastic and refreshing after the tiw era. songs like utsutsu, bouga wo kurau (which, yes, is technically still first half but closer to the halfway point), mouai ni shosu and otogi remind me a lot of arche and listening to those for the first time i could clearly see why so many arche songs were suddenly thrown into the live set rotation for the new tour lol. i hope they bring out these new songs for live shows soon too.

ochita is the weakest song on the album by far for me. especially with the way they muffled the guitar bridge/breakdown in the album version (i still think that can't have been intentional. but who knows. i don't trust their mixing engineers), but also composition-wise. i can feel quite fond of ochita when in the right mindset because after all this pandemic hell the song already feels nostalgic to me, but on this album, not so much.

hibiki is beautiful and one of the songs that made me get choked up hearing it the first time. the vocal lines on the more melodic tracks really stand out to me on this album and this song is one of the ones where the melody really carries the song.

i expect eddie to grow on me hard. so far i like it fine, but i think it will be a fantastic live song.

otogi really stands out to me as a complete piece, definitely a gem and one of my instant favourites (and not just because it could be an arche song). the instrumentation is so dreamy and the composition is nice and dynamic. the chorus is gorgeous with the harmonies in the background and the powerful low drums. the rhythm section interlude is very cool too. i also feel like this is the best place to mention that i will never not be in awe of kyo’s versatility as a vocalist. this is one of those dir songs that make me go I LOVE THIS BAND SO MUCH AHHH.

when i say i sobbed for the entire nine minutes of listening to kamuy for the first time i am not exaggerating. i was so surprised by the direction this song took since i had not expected it to stay so mellow the whole way through. with dir, you begin to expect a big breakdown or a dramatic switch up in a long song like this, but this one stayed dreamy and melancholic and slightly trippy, keeping the tension in the subtlest most beautiful way possible until the very end, sort of pulling the rug from underneath my feet but in the best way imaginable. also i’m very emotional about the double acoustic guitar. kaoru on acoustic!!!!! we love to see it.

all in all, i like this album a lot more than tiw right off the bat. i promise i will stop with the arche comparisons but the way i felt about the last two tracks in particular vividly reminds me of the way i felt listening to arche for the first time, how awestruck i was. i’m very pleased rn and excited to listen to this album more and discover more about the songs!

[fluffy-lee-boa]

Eddie hug/cuddle headcanons bc he's baby

Ok this man is INCREDIBLY touch starved so he is obsessed with hugs. They make him feel loved and he feels like he's protecting someone he cares about. Win win situation

If he's just getting to know someone his hugs are super gentle but secure. He treats the person like they're made of glass and ALWAYS asks for permission first super shyly

However if he's known the person for a long time and fully trusts them, bear hugs from behind are his specialty. He also won't hesitate to straight up pick up the person at random and carry them over to his couch for cuddle time

Cheer up cuddles always come with gentle tickles. It's a package deal he doesn't make the rules. If a nightmare is the problem he will cuddle the person and not let go the whole night even after they fall asleep

Speaking of sleeping, falling asleep cuddling is the only way for Eddie to guarentee that he doesn't get nightmares

Whenever he receives cheer up cuddles he's a mushy emotional mess

"I don't deserve you you're an angel 🥺"

He is a total cuddle addict. Pretty much the exact second he gets home from work until he leaves for work the next morning is designated cuddle time and he will get lowkey grumpy or sad if it's interrupted

"Eddie we have to eat dinner-" "but if we have it on the couch I can still have my arm around you 🥺"

"Eddie. I have to go pee." "*disappointed grumbling noises* noooo you're not allowed"

Going off of that, lack of cuddles is also a big reason why he's so uncharacteristically over the top pissy in Arkham. Dude is going through severe cuddle withdrawal

He LOVES slow dancing (aka cuddling while standing and swaying slightly with his chin rested on top of the person's head)

He always wants to be the big spoon because he's tall and likes making the people he cares about feel safe

LOVES being a human pillow since being useful is his favorite thing (also increased chance of receiving tummy kisses)

Going off of that cuddles make him feel less insecure about his dad bod since he feels useful and wanted (I hc that he has a "there are starving children in the orphanage rn" mindset so he sometimes feels guilty for being chubby but at the same time he's TERRIFIED of starving like that ever again so he overcompensates. He has a love hate relationship with food as a result)

He can't stand being the little spoon and having arms wrapped around his stomach he'll be giggling the entire time and unable to relax. At least when he's a human pillow he can see it coming and brace himself

If he's using someone else as a human pillow he will fall fast asleep within 5 minutes ESPECIALLY if he gets head scratches

Will usually hum or softly sing to whoever he's cuddling with while running his fingers through their hair

He's a human heater and he's well aware of this fact. He intentionally keeps his apartment cooler when he has guests over

However this can backfire if the person weasels their way into his sweater with him. Full on tickle attack on his tummy and he can't even stop it (not that he wants to anyways).

Eddie will NEVER reject cuddles. Ever. The only time he will hesitate and ask "are you sure?" Is if he's covered in blood from doing Riddler stuff

[outrunningthedark]

My genuine hopes are for Eddie to have some kind of longer arc next season. For a character who gets brushed aside so often, he’s still incredibly complex, and even if they don’t want to address trauma from this specific event, the door has been opened to explore more about him. If they explore more about his struggles being a single parent, that “follow your heart” line, his decision about Buck, it can weave a fantastic story. Would love to see him come full circle between this finale and 5’s.

The *one* tiny positive I took from Tim's comments about Eddie's future is that even though there are currently no plans to explore Eddie's emotional mindset post-shooting, he won't rule it out completely. It fits in line with his admission that he usually doesn't like to pre-plan the episodes. I think we also need to remember that while Tim is credited as a writer, he has multiple people in charge of finalizing scripts and it would be silly of him to firmly declare Eddie's trauma will not be revisited when someone on his staff might come up with something he approves of. With Albert being added to the firefam and Tim wanting to showcase more of T*ylor the reporter (I am disgusted we're seeing more of her just because fans think she's hot idc), I am not confident Eddie will get REAL screen time outside the 118. Having said that, there are small changes the writers could make to at least give us the illusion he has more of a role: let him say more, let him be the focus of a rescue. If the minutes don't improve, his appearances could have a bit more substance. It's the bare minimum, but it's where I'm laying my hopes. Something I would like to see, but probably won't happen: Assuming we can close the book on EddieA*a, there is an opportunity for Eddie to start re-evaluating his life (following his heart!) by either talking to somebody about feelings he's developed for another person (without indicating it's a man, if that's something he's not ready to do), or, as much as we are not keen to see Ramon and Helena, I think it could be beneficial for Eddie to tell them about the guardianship situation and his failed relationship as way of showing that he's FINALLY ready to put himself and what he wants first. Eddie detaches from his parents as often as possible, but it's obvious to me he never made peace with their criticisms and that has prevented him from living his life the way he envisions it.

[starrynite7114]

everything is you: six

A/N: Good afternoon! Sorry for taking so long to update, have not been in a good mindset and still not, but I want to post this just to give you guys something. It’s been hard and my confidence in my writing has been shit. It’s not something I like sharing, but just wanted to be honest with you all. I just want to thank you all for giving me such nice messages regarding my finals, it was awful, but definitely glad to have it over with. 

Currently, Snapshots and Misconstrued is almost done, just trying to work some things out with it. Two Weeks part two should be coming  up soon as well along with three requests. I’m updating the request list later, if you do not see your request, feel free to message me. 

Also, got a Rio/Reader/Angel story on the horizon. 

Thank you all for your patience and support. Hope you all enjoy this update! Love you all!

I would also like to thank @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat​ & @justahopelessssromantic​ <3 

Also, happy birthday @losolvidad0s​ <3

everything is you

one : two : three : four : five

Word count: 8088

Warnings: Angst

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Alena laughed as Victor told her about his younger brother Richard and all the mischief they used to partake in when they were younger. She’s met Richard a few times and he was quite a charming guy, but he definitely was not as charming as Victor.

He was the oldest of the two and their parents passed away when they were younger. The only family they had, the only family they cared for was Eddie Johnson, Alena’s boss. Victor was Eddie’s nephew, his self-proclaimed favorite nephew, though Richard states the same phrase as well. Alena liked being around them since she reminded them of her own little family. 

“Are you going with Mr. Johnson next week to Bali?” 

“No, I passed this time around since you respectfully declined yet again.” Victor wasn’t sure what it was about Alena. She was a cute girl, but she was hardly his type. But he gravitated towards her. His Uncle Eddie always raved about her and he had to get to know her. Much like her, he had a shared love for art and was actually a gallerist for a few well known painters and sculptors. Victor didn’t do it much since he found himself working at his uncle’s much more often, mostly due to Alena.

For years, they’ve become closer and closer and he learned more and more about her. And due to that, he fell harder and harder. At times he felt like an idiot for doing so, she was married, no matter what the status of her relationship with Angel was, he knew Angel had a hold over her. He wasn’t sure if it was gratitude, his son or what, but whenever she spoke about Angel, her whole face would brighten up. But he also had the greatest control over her emotions. He doesn’t think Angel purposely yo-yo’s his feelings for Alena, but it frustrated him.

Alena should move on and be with someone who would proudly tell people that they were in love with her. Not someone who kept her at limbo and had sex with her more frequently than Alena would like to admit to him. He was honestly surprised Alena wasn’t pregnant. 

“I would rather spend some time away from Mr. Johnson, he’s amazing, but I need a break. He might make me work while we’re there.” Alena took a bite of her pasta, letting out a small moan at how good the sauce was. “Absolutely insane how good that is.”

Victor couldn’t help it. Hearing her moan, it made his dick twitch. But he would never push Alena and he was pretty sure this was a friendly dinner and not a date. 

“My grandmother had the best recipes. If you marry me, I can totally share the family recipes.” He winked at her, making Alena blushed. “Speaking of marriage, how is your husband dearest?”

“He’s fine, I’m really sorry about the way he answered the phone the other night. He’s just protective and you know, territorial cause he thinks I won’t be committed to Cruz anymore.” She took a sip of the wine that she bought for their dinner. “I can assure you, there is nothing going on besides coparenting.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Alena placed some salad on her plate. 

“Come on Alena, we’ve been friends for almost seven years now. You’ve always had a complicated relationship with Angel and now, he tells you he has feelings for you. It’s a rollercoaster ride with him and you deserve someone who is more stable.” He was talking of himself of course, but it was true. Alena didn’t need to be taken on this ride. She deserved more than that. 

“Angel is just projecting or something, he just thinks he’s losing me because I’m interested in you.” Alena looked up at Victor before looking back down at her food. 

He smirked at her admission and lightly chuckled. “You’re interested in me, carina?” It was his nickname for her, cute in Italian. Alena always hoped that Victor would never call her that in front of Angel and she was determined to keep it that way. She knew Angel’s nicknames held special meaning and she didn’t want him thinking that Victor had numerous nicknames for her. It was just one and if she was being honest, it was incredibly adorable.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Alena sighed, biting her bottom lip, which Victor hated cause all he wanted to do was kiss her. 

“Alena, I would never push you. If you want to give it a shot, that’s fine, but I know the guilt is eating you up cause you’re technically married and you respect the sanctity of marriage.” Victor placed a hand on top of hers. 

Alena couldn’t help but think how much bigger Victor’s hands were compared to hers. She looked up at him and he had that warm smile he always gave her. Victor was always there for her, he was so sweet and always let her do her own pace. He never pushed her or anything. 

Once she and Angel’s divorced was finalized, she would give him a chance. 

“I have a gallery I’m setting up for next week, did you want to come and see how it’s done?” Victor knew of Alena’s passion for art. She was an amazing painter and he really wanted to slightly push her on sharing her work with the world. Hell, he wanted her to go back to school and pursue art so he could get her to do a few gallerist work, maybe even become an art handler. She couldn’t be Uncle Eddie’s assistant forever. 

“Sure! I would love that, when is it again?” Alena excitedly replied. She’s never seen an art gallery be put together before and she would love to experience that. 

“Next Tuesday, it’s at the art gallery a few blocks from our apartment.”

“Sounds good, I’m excited to see the master at work.”

Victor held Alena’s hand as he walked her down to her door, their night was full of laughter, random topics of conversations and just an overall good night. Alena forgot how it was to go on a date with someone and she was glad it was Victor that she went out with. 

“I had a great time.” Alena told him when they stopped in front of her door. 

“Same here on our lovely friendly date.” He teased her. “I’m serious about this Alena, I really want for us to give it a shot when you’re ready.”

Alena was slightly annoyed at the fact that she let herself be blinded by her relationship with Angel, well her non-relationship. He was always so hot and cold. She knew enough about relationships to know it wasn’t worth it. Their relationship was solely for Cruz and she was finally understanding that better and better. 

“I know. Thank you again.” 

Victor nodded his head, his eyes drifting to Alena’s lips. Maybe a little push wouldn’t hurt her. He leaned down, waiting for Alena to back away or anything, but she didn’t. When their lips connected, Alena froze, but eventually relaxed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. Alena couldn’t help but compare Angel and Victor. Angel’s lips were moist, warm, and so sinfully delicious. And to her surprised, so was Victor’s. The butterflies in her stomach were going wild as Victor’s tongue slipped inside her mouth. 

He eventually pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers. He gave her one more kiss before pulling away. 

“I’m gonna go before this goes any further.” Victor chuckled. “Good night Alena.”

“Good night Victor.” She unlocked her door and leaned against it once it was locked.

God, she was in such trouble. 

============

Carla sat down on Alena’s couch, nursing the wine glass in her hands, completely enjoying her day. They went to the spa like Angel had suggested and it was the best idea ever. Carla watched as Alena smiled as she was texting on her phone. It seemed that her date with Victor went well since she had been texting him nonstop this whole day.

“Dude, put your phone down, you need a break from Victor.” Carla teased her.

“I’m not talking to Victor,” Alena laughed. “Angel is being silly and sending me pictures of him and Cruz.”

Carla had to smile at that. From what EZ told her, Angel finally realized his feelings for Alena, but was just taking his sweet ass time to tell her. The way she saw it, Angel was losing precious time because Alena seemed to be entertaining the idea of starting a relationship with Victor. 

“Ah, the husband. How are things with you and Angel?” Carla placed her wine glass on the coffee table.

“Good, the sex ban went out the door.” Alena had her phone on her lap. 

Carla had to applaud Alena for the valiant effort. She knew that she could just deny Angel for so long. She couldn’t blame her, even though she was with EZ, she could appreciate that Angel was a good looking guy. And she knew of Alena’s attraction to Angel, her love for Angel. It was sad at times knowing how much Alena gave up for Angel, how much she loved him to the point that she became the mother of his child. 

“Told you you couldn’t resist him.”

“He literally woke me up to have sex.” Alena blushed remembering how amazing that night was.

“Has Angel ever not enticed you?” Carla teased.

“Yes, there was like six months where we didn’t do anything because I really didn’t want to do anything with him. He didn’t initiate anything until I was fully comfortable with sleeping with him.” Then she remembered Angel’s words. “Cruz asked Angel for a sibling.”

“Oh, did he?” Carla was more than amused. She’s heard that before. Cruz had been asking Angel for a sibling and it was always the same response, ‘we’ll ask mommy’. Carla was secretly rooting for Angel. She watched them do this dance for so long and always wanted Alena to be happy, she knew that it would be with Angel no matter how much of an idiot he was. As much of an idiot Angel was, Carla always saw how much Angel cared for Alena. He always protected her, was there for her and she was almost sure that Angel almost killed Dante, well deserved.

“Yeah,” Alena shrugged. “But I mean we’re getting divorced in a few months, so maybe his next girlfriend.” She laughed, but Carla knew there was no humor.

“Why do you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down or even believe Angel would let you go.” Carla knew Angel had no plans on signing the divorce papers. “Your Cruz’s mom, do you think that after you get divorced if it even happens, that you would become a stranger?” Carla wasn’t sure if Alena knew what would happen once they got divorced, but it wasn’t what she thought that was for sure. Hell, she didn’t even actually believe that they would get divorced. Angel finally realized he’s in love with her. If there was one thing she knew for certain about Angel, she knew he wasn’t a quitter. Alena has loved Angel for so long, she was certain her friend would never believe it once he confesses. “I love you Alena, but you can be so naive. Angel would never let you go, Cruz would never let you go. I know you somehow believe that you two will get divorced and have shared custody of Cruz, but we both know you don’t want that and Angel doesn’t either.”

“Angel just likes me because of convenience. Otherwise, he would take any other women.” Ailee slightly smiled, looking down at her lap. “He said it himself that he had no feelings for me, and that’s okay.”

“You can’t possibly believe that, Angel is losing his shit because of Victor.”

“Angel is just territorial. I’ve been the one constant in his life and he’s being unreasonable, once he finds someone else to occupy his time, wouldn’t even be an issue.” 

“Stop doing that, come on Alena, give Angel more credit than that.” Carla should help Angel, especially how much of a dick she was when it came to Victor. Besides, all she wanted was for Angel to realize what he had before he lost it. The Reyes brothers could be so dense at times. “Do you,” she paused, not sure if she should even put the idea in Alena’s head cause Angel would have her head. “Do you want to pursue something with Victor?”

Alena looked at her best friend, slightly laughing. She wasn’t sure. Victor has always been there for her, he was a kind man who protected her. He was smart, Cruz liked him, and he wasn’t bad on the eye. But at the same time, Angel, she’s loved Angel for eight years now. She prayed that maybe it would fade, that she would settle with being friends with him, the old cliche, she’d rather have him than not at all. 

Then Cruz happened.

Then they got married.

And now, she was anticipating for them to divorce.

God, she felt like a fool.

She gave up so much for Angel. She didn’t expect him to do the same and she was an adult who made her choice. She never regretted it. But she wished she found someone for herself as well. 

And she felt now that she did. 

She found it in Victor. 

“Yes, once Angel and I are divorce, I want to pursue something with Victor.”

Carla felt her stomach drop and she kind of regretted asking Alena. She knew once she told EZ, it wouldn’t be long before Angel found out. Angel would raise hell knowing him and his temper. Carla wasn’t obtuse to Angel’s feelings for Alena before his own realization. The way he protected her, the way he hung onto her every word, the way he followed her around like a fucking lost puppy, it was endearing and annoying how Alena never realized Angel was in love with her. 

“Don’t use Victor as a rebound, he deserves more than that.”

“I’m not,” Alena weakly defended. “I wouldn’t pursue anything with Victor till I’m fully over Angel.”

“Alena, you’re never going to be over Angel.”

“I can do it, just need some motivation, which is this divorce. Once the papers are filed, I have to keep my distance and just interact with him for Cruz. I can do this.”

“It’s not that I doubt you can do it, I’m sure you could if you truly pushed yourself, but what I’m trying to get through your stubborn ass head is that Angel wouldn’t let you go. Do you not know Angel? He would kill a man for you if you requested for him to do so.” 

“That doesn’t constitute to love Carla. I would do anything for Angel too. I would do anything for you.” 

“Alena, that’s literally not my point.” 

“Carla, please, don’t do that. This is the reason that the hope has never faded. I want to remain friends with Angel and co-parent for Cruz’s sake. I thought you wanted me to move on, to find my way away from Angel.” 

“Things change.” Carla didn’t want to tell Alena that Angel was in love with her, that wasn’t her place. But she can dissuade her from thinking of Victor than anything more than as a friend. 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s been five years. Nothing has happened and it’s time to move on.” 

Alena was done. 

It was time to move on from Angel. 

============

“Mama, can we go to the park today?” Cruz questioned as he finished his plate of pancakes.

“Of course baby.” Alena nodded her head, taking another bite from the breakfast sandwich she made for herself.

“May I be excused?”

“You good little man.” Angel let Cruz go. He wasn’t saying he didn’t have manners, but all of Cruz’s mannerism was definitely all Alena. 

Cruz jumped down from his seat, going to the couch to watch some cartoons, something he has done right after breakfast while Alena usually cleaned up. At times he wouldn’t help her, but Alena excused him, since she wanted to talk to Angel. He was finishing up breakfast, chuckling as Cruz enjoyed his PJ Mask.

“Did you get all of your errands done?” Angel questioned. He was relieved when he woke up and Alena was bringing her stuff in this morning. He didn’t want to bug her and seemed needy, but a few times, he was itching to ask her to come home. 

“Yes, I did,” she smiled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. 

“You know you’re due for your annual eye appointment.” Angel reminded her before he took a bite out of his breakfast sandwich and shoving hash browns right after. 

Angel loved having breakfast with Cruz and Alena. They were a real family and it always had him starting his day on a good foot. Just being able to be with his two favorite people was the best thing in the world.

It always marveled Alena how good Angel was with appointments for her and Cruz. Like routine work, doctor’s office appointments, dental visits and annual eye exams was something Angel kept track of. Her and Cruz’s inhaler and nebulizer refills? Angel was always on it. 

It was quite impressive and she was touched. 

“Am I? How are you so good at this, but forget to put the toilet seat down.” She teased him. She poured more mango juice in her cup, pouring some in Angel’s as well.

Angel chuckled. “I have to make sure you’re well taken care of cause you suck at taking care of yourself.”

“Thanks Angel,” she blushed, which didn’t go unnoticed by Angel. He did it to purposely see her blushing. 

It was so fucking cute. 

“Do you want me to make the appointment?” Angel knew that Alena absolutely loathed talking on the phone. She would become anxious, planning the conversation ahead. So from time to time, he helped her out. 

“No, it’s fine, I can do it.” She appreciated the offer. Angel really took care of her. “You can’t always make my phone calls for me.”

“That is true, but I would do anything for you cielo.” He kissed the back of her hand making Alena blush again. He chuckled. “Eres tan linda.(You’re so cute).”

They continued to eat, Angel updating Alena of the recent club happenings. She was hesitant to bring up Victor, but if she wanted a chance on normalcy, she would have to start somewhere.

“So, Victor and I went out and it was nice, we went to a museum then we had dinner at his place.” Alena paused, if they were ever going to become normal or whatever the fuck they were before Cruz, she had to talk to Angel like he was her friend, not tip toe around him. “And he kissed me.”

Angel choked on the mango juice he was drinking, looking at Alena like she grew another head. “Excuse me, what?”

“Yeah, we kissed at the end of our date.  It was nice, he was very sweet. Potential, once we get divorced.” 

Angel was fucking losing it. Did he fucking enter the twilight zone that Alena was nonchalantly talking to him about going on a date with Victor and kissing him. 

And divorce?

Maybe she’ll change her mind when he tells her how he loves her and how he wants to be with her. That he was an idiot for not moving quicker and just letting everything hang in the air. Communication hasn’t been his greatest asset, but he was going to try for her. 

He would never force Alena to stay with him, but he knew her actions were a consequence of his own doing.

“Alena, what are you doing?” 

She looked at him oddly as she took Cruz’s plate, placing it on top of hers.

“Nothing, I’m telling you about my date.” 

“You’re telling your husband about a date you went on?” Angel tried to say it in a way so she could see how insane she sounded. He knew what she was doing, trying to normalize this insane notion of her and Victor being together, to try and become just friends. She has never been just a friend to Angel.

“Yes, we’re friends right? And we know what this is. The divorce papers should be ready in the next few weeks and once it’s signed, we’re both free to,” she thought for a moment, “publicly do what we want.”

Yep, Alena had him fucked up.

“Divorce papers? Who agreed to a divorce?” Angel didn’t like this at all. He fucked up. He should have told Alena so that they could be talking about having more kids not fucking dates and divorce papers.

“We did, a few years back remember?” Alena wasn’t sure where this surge of confidence was coming from, but this was to protect herself. She’s loved Angel for so long and he was always so hot and cold, he didn’t know where to place her so she’ll do it for him.

“Alena, I don’t have any plans on ever signing those papers, you want to file them, go ahead, but we both know you don’t want for us to get divorced.” Angel shook his head in disbelief. This was partly his own doing, but he knew what Alena was trying to do. She was taking initiative since he’s been so back and forth with her. But he was taking initiative too. Alena was his wife, and they’ll remain that way. “You kissed him?"

"Yes,” Alena noticed then that Angel was stoic, keeping his emotions at bay which he did when he was trying his best to control himself. “I'm sorry, I don't know how it happened." She wasn’t certain why she apologized, but she felt that she had to do so. They were married.

"You said you had errands." Angel reminded her of her lie. Since when did Alena lie to him?

"I did and Victor wanted to go to dinner and a museum. I just, it just happened." 

“Did you sleep with him?” Angel stood up.

“No, of course not.”

“Yes because just kissing him is so much better.” Alena watched as Angel placed a kiss on Cruz head as he was sitting on the couch, watching television. He looked up at him confused. "I got shit to handle at the club, I'll be back late, don't wait up." Angel grabbed his kutte.

"Angel, please, I'm sorry." Alena wasn't even sure why she was apologizing. Angel had told her that he didn’t have anything to do today except be with them. “We’re just friends.”

“I don’t like Victor, you’ve never lied to me before and since this whole thing started you started lying to me.” Angel frowned. “If there was nothing to worry about you wouldn’t hide it and you wouldn’t excitedly tell me about a kiss you two shared.” Angel turned to face her as his hand gripped the doorknob. “Do you love Victor?”

"What?" That was ridiculous, she didn’t love Victor. 

"Do you love Victor?"

"No." And she didn’t. 

"Do you want to be with him?"

"I don’t know.” And she didn’t know. 

"Don’t know?” Angel let out a chuckle. “Sure doesn't seem like it."

============

Alena sat down at the park bench, Cruz in perfect line of sight for her. He was in the sandbox playing with a few other kids. She took out the book EZ had recommended for her a few weeks ago and opened it to the latest page she was on. Every once in a while, she would look up to check on Cruz. It made her anxious when they went to the park since she read so many horror stories of kids just disappearing. She wouldn’t know what she would do if Cruz disappeared while he was with her. 

She’s been trying to text Angel all day, but he hasn’t responded to her. In hindsight, she could understand why he hadn't responded to her, but she was hoping he would at least let her know he was okay. Maybe she approached it wrong and could have done it in a better way, but she didn’t know how else to do so. She was trying to go back to normal with Angel, whatever normal was for them two. They were friends once and were able to talk about anything, but it was different now. 

Though maybe it was disrespectful to speak about a date to her supposed husband.

“That’s a good book.” She heard someone comment beside her. “Don Quixote.”

She looked up and smiled at the person, thanking her. She noticed the tattoo on her neck, which was actually beautiful. The young woman before her was beautiful as well. Her pale skin was in contrast to her dark green jacket. She wasn’t sure why she was wearing a jacket since it was scorching hot in Santo Padre right now. But she definitely looked cute. 

“You’re Angel’s wife.”

Common knowledge in Santo Padre, not odd whatsoever. 

“Yes, I am.” Alena hoped this wasn’t one of those psycho’s who was hoping for her death so they could sweep Angel off his feet. Can they just sweep him off his feet without wishing for her death? Alena no longer wanted to be a part of this conversation, focusing her attention back on the book before her. Being Angel’s wife was quite a pain. Besides the fact he slept with almost fucking everyone in Santo Padre, all these women began to lust after him again after he got a ring around his finger and Cruz by his side. Cruz was a cute kid and it was hard to resist that aspect of Angel’s life, but she wished they would stop confronting her as if it would do something if they did. 

“I’m not here to start any trouble, I just wanted to meet the woman who has Angel’s heart.” Alena looked over at her again and she had a smile on her face, it wasn’t menacing, it was genuine. Woman who had Angel’s heart? Right, cause they’re married. “He speaks of you and your son often.”

“Do I know you?”

“My name is Adelita.” 

Alena almost gasped when the name registered. She was the rebel leader, the one she was convincing Angel to date. God, she was beautiful. 

“Oh,” Alena closed her book then. “Angel speaks of you often as well.” Alena lightly laughed. “I’m quite surprised to see you on this side.” 

“Plans have changed and I wanted to meet you. You have a beautiful son.” Alena and Adelita both looked over at Cruz who waved at his mother. “You’ve sacrificed a great deal for Angel.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, he didn’t. Any woman who has chosen to raise a child who is not hers is admirable, though I’m sure it came with great sacrifices.”

“It did, but I don’t regret it. They’re my family.” Alena wasn’t even sure why she was entertaining this conversation, but she had always wanted to meet the woman that Angel admired. “I have to correct your statement though, I don’t have Angel’s heart. I’m sure you know of our circumstances. In a few month’s time, we’ll be divorced so I’m sure you two can pursue whatever relationship you would like to do so then.”

Adelita laughed, shaking her head. “Angel did tell me you were planning to get a divorce.” It was comical for her since Alena and Angel were telling the stories differently. On one hand for Alena, their agreement has come to an end and it was time for the divorce. For Angel, she overheard him mentioning the divorce EZ as they drove her to her destination a week earlier and how he had no plans of divorcing her. 

Alena smiled, nodding her head. “Yes we are, will you be staying on this side of the border from now on? To be closer to Angel?”

“I think you misunderstood Alena, Angel and I only have a purely business relationship. He is quite an attractive man, but his attention is solely on you.” Adelita stood up then, Alena standing up as well. She stuck her hand out, which Alena took. “You are quite remarkable Alena Reyes, you have made a good man out of Angel.”

Adelita walked away then, leaving Alena speechless. She wondered why she even came to see her. She felt a pull on her skirt and looked down at Cruz.

“Mama, who was that?”

“Just one of daddy’s friends.” She ran her fingers through Cruz’s hair. “Did you want your juice?”

Cruz nodded his head. Alena took the juice out of the little cooler she had for Cruz’s snacks and drinks. Handing it to Cruz, she wiped the sweat on his face and back, making sure he was hydrated. 

“Mama, can I have a little brother or sister?” 

Alena wanted to laugh at Cruz’s request. It’s not like she thought Angel was lying, but Cruz has never asked her about having a sibling.

“You want a sibling?” Alena sat him on her lap, pressing her cheek against his head. “How many do you want?”

“Um, five.”

“Did you tell Daddy that?” 

Cruz nodded his head as he drank his juice. “Daddy says he wants, um,” Cruz thought for a moment. “He said he wanted 8.”

Alena let out a baffled laugh. 8 kids? Was Angel going to carry them all? What was up with her boys and wanting a handful of children running around.

“And when you ask Daddy, what does he tell you?”

“He says we have to ask you because you’re the boss.”

Alena shook her head. Her boys were too much at times. 

“How about a puppy first?”

============

Alena yawned as she exited the bathroom. She almost screamed when she found Angel sitting at the edge of their bed, fidgeting with the keys he had. 

“Angel?” She called out questioningly. No answer. He continued to fiddle with the keys. “Babe?”

Angel looked up, his watery eyes immediately got Alena. She quickly walked over to him and cupped his face.

“You okay? What’s wrong?” She frowned as the tears fell from his eyes. The scratches on his face worried her. She moved away to grab the first aid kit, but Angel grabbed her elbow and pulled her against him.

He had his head on her chest, arms tightly around her. “Please don’t leave me cielo, you’re the only person I have.”

“I would never leave you Angel.” She ran her fingers through his hair. She knew he was crying, the way his shoulders were shaking.

“You and Cruz are my family, I can’t lose you. I would go insane.” 

“Angel, you’re not going to lose me.” She pulled away, cupping his face as she wiped the tears. Angel rarely cried and when he did, she was the one who caught him and provided relief. “I’ll always be here for you.” She kissed him, knowing Angel needed some type of reassurance and it was the first thing that came to her head. 

Angel pulled her to his lap, Alena straddling him. He wrapped his arms around. One of Alena’s hands cradling his face, while the other arm wrapped around his neck. She pulled away, leaning her forehead against his. God, that kiss was definitely different when compared to Victor. When she kissed Angel, she felt that if she wasn’t sitting on Angel’s lap, her knees would go weak, her body going limp. All the worries they both had were wiped out since they were the only two people in this world, everything else blurred out.

“What’s wrong?” Alena asked.

“Ezekiel betrayed me.” Angel plopped down the bed, Alena still on his lap. 

She frowned, getting off his lap and moving to sit beside the top half of his body. “What happened?” She intertwined their hands, waiting for Angel to talk.

And when he did, he told her everything. 

At the end of the story, Angel had his head on Alena’s chest, her fingers running through his hair. His arms were wrapped around her middle as Angel listened to her heart. Alena was in shock that this all occurred. She always thought it was too good to be true for EZ to get out, but she believed that the cop may have been corrupt or whatever excuse they had given. She worried the most for Angel, his relationship with Felipe was starting to mend due to Cruz and now, she knew Angel’s trust was shattered. 

“What can I do to make it better?” Alena broke the silence that befell them after he finished his story.

“Just don’t leave me.”

“Other than that, you already know I won’t leave you.” Alena kissed the top of his head. 

“Can we have a baby?”

“If you carry it, absolutely.”

Alena and Angel both laughed. She playfully smacked him upside the head, causing Angel to flinch. He loved laying his head on her chest, just listening to her heart beating. At times, it even lulled him to sleep, but he knew sleep wouldn’t be coming soon. 

“He’s your brother Angel, I know you’re hurting, but hear him out.”

“No,” Angel’s tone was firm and left no room for argument. “You’re my family now, you, Cruz and your family are mine. I was always the outsider, but not anymore. I have a family of my own and none of our kids will ever feel second best to any of their siblings.” 

“Okay babe.” 

Angel knew this was the perfect time to tell her he loves her, to show her how much he loves her, but he wanted to settle this whole thing with Ezekiel. Once it was done, he would tell Alena everything and from them on, as it’s always been, it would be the two of them against the world. 

“I met Adelita.”

Angel froze, his eyes widening. He sat up, looking down at Alena who propped herself using her forearms. “What?”

“Yeah, she came up to me while we were at the park.” Alena noticed how uncomfortable Angel became and sat up as well, placing her hand on his. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s not weird at all. She’s beautiful and I think you two would make a good couple.” 

Angel gave Alena an incredulous look and shook his head. “Did she do anything? Say anything?”

“No, she just said she wanted to meet me and she thought I was remarkable, which was kind of odd if you think about it. I’m not the leader of some rebellious group that is giving the cartel a run for their money.” Alena went under the covers then, just so she could hide when Angel broke the news to her about him and Adelita. “You okay?” She noticed how tense Angel was. 

He was livid. How dare Adelita approach Alena. He told her, his family was off limits. No Alena. No Cruz. No Felipe. He played her game and helped her as much as he could, she should have at least respected his wishes. 

“What did she tell you?” 

“That she wanted to meet the woman who had your heart.” Alena turned to Angel, resting her head against her propped hand. “Did she meet her?”

Angel wanted to laugh at the irony and slowness of Alena. “Cielo, it’s you.”

“Look, I think we should clear the air.” Alena was surprised by her own words. She was never to be the one to clear the air and after what happened with Ezekiel, this may not be the right time, but they were here now. “I know you said you haven’t slept with anyone since we got married, which I believe you, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to try and salvage things here. We’ve always known what it was and that’s fine. Maybe we shouldn’t have sex anymore so it doesn’t,” Alena looked up at Angel when she noticed she was looking at his ringed fingers that had dried blood on it. “We should clean the blood off.” 

“So it doesn’t what?” 

“It doesn’t confuse us further.” She got out of bed and grabbed a wet cloth. She sat in front of Angel wiping off the dried blood from his knuckles. 

“I would never force you to be intimate with me Alena, we both know I can respect your boundaries.” Angel watched as Alena cleaned his wounds.

“I know, which is why I’m putting up my boundaries again. I want us to be able to be friends after all of this.”

“Alena, do you honestly think that’s going to make things better? I already told you, I have feelings for you and that’s not going to go away because you decide we’re not going to have sex. We’ve done it before, remember? Six months, no sex, which is fine, I would never force you. The most I did was kiss your neck.” Angel remembered that. Alena had asked him to back off, which he did, she eventually came to him on his birthday and after that, they’ve been intimate ever since. “It didn’t do anything for how I felt about you Alena, it just made me feel like you didn’t want me.”

“You’re so hot and cold Angel, I don’t even think you know what you want.” Alena sighed. “I don’t want to fight, you had such a long day and it’s almost six in the morning.” 

Angel stood up. “I’m gonna go see pops.”

“Angel, I, I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me Alena. I know I’ve been an asshole, I’m hot and cold, but I truly have feelings for you. Just give me time to fix all this shit with EZ and once it’s done, we can figure us out.” Angel walked over to her and kissed her. “I’ll see you later.”

Alena sat on their bed and sighed. The butterflies in her stomach were still running rampant after Angel’s words. She believed him, she really did, but he would most likely change his mind tomorrow.

She didn’t want to be with Victor, that was for sure.

At least not right now. Not when she was still irrevocably in love with Angel. 

============

Angel sat beside Coco on the couch as he finished his session with the tattoo artist. It’s been a whirlwind of a day and as much as he wanted to go home, he needed space from Alena. With everything going on, he didn’t know where they could go. Of course, confessing to Alena was still in the plan, but after Adelita came to see her, Angel just felt shaken. He never wanted to involve Alena in this, but he told her everything. She was like his journal, non judging and took everything in. The most important thing for her was him and Cruz, how it would affect them.

It would kill him if something happened to Alena and Cruz. 

“Alena texted me, have you spoken to her?” Coco questioned as he sat down next to his brother, letting out a puff of smoke from his mouth.

“I told her we were here and that I would be staying the night. Why?” His eyes drifted over to his brother who was currently getting the tattoo.

“You know Adelita came to see her?”

“She told me, why, what’s going on?” Did Adelita go to see her again? Did someone else? He took his phone out and there were no messages from Alena.

“I don’t know, I just don’t feel comfortable with her visiting Lenny.” Coco shrugged.

“You think I fucking do?” Angel sighed. “She isn’t going to harm Alena.”

“I don’t think she is, but I’m sure Alena’s mind is running wild.” Coco knew how deeply Alena felt for Angel. During times that Angel had a run that would take him away from Alena and Cruz for longer than he wanted which was basically a day, so Coco would stay with Alena. 

And when he did, he let her let loose and have a few drinks with him.

============

Alena giggled as she took another shot. Korean Vodka, Soju, was Alena’s favorite, specifically the apple flavor. Coco had come to take a liking of it as well and they were three bottles deep. Alena’s cheeks were red, a clear sign of her intoxication. She also had no filter, which Coco enjoyed thoroughly. 

“You know I feel stupid for taking on a role I always wanted, but not under this circumstances.” Alena rested her cheek on her palm, giving Coco a small smile. “I love Cruz so much though, I feel like he is my kid.”

“Alena, Cruz is your kid. He’s so attached to you.” Coco was surprised that Cruz didn’t throw a bigger fuss whenever Alena went back to San Diego. Though, it was a hit or miss. When he threw a big fuss, Alena would take him to San Diego, Angel following behind after a few days. Their dynamic was fucking odd, but who likes normal anyway?

“Sometimes I wish he really was, that Valeria wasn’t his mom.” Coco watched as Alena’s face scrunched up. “I was going to confess to him when he told me Valeria had his kid. I was going to tell him that I was in love with him, that I was going to Paris and if he didn’t feel the same, it was okay.” She began to cry then, letting her tears fall. “I love Angel so much, it hurts at times. But I’m happy where we are no matter how fake our relationship is. Being here for him, to raise Cruz with him, it’s more than I can ask for.”

Coco frowned at Alena’s words. He and Gilly always spoke about Alena’s love for Angel, how idiotic she could be, but at the same time, they admired her greatly. She had the purest kind of love for Angel. She didn’t become angry when he was with another person. She doesn’t hold grudges against him or anyone for that matter. She didn’t become angry when she felt rejected. She loved him unconditionally without any expectations and Coco was envious of that. They were all a bunch of misfits who did not have the best relationships with their families, they found a family in one another. Then they have Alena, someone they definitely don’t fucking deserve, who loves them as well, as an extension of her love for Angel.

When he first met her, he couldn’t believe this young woman was fucking hanging around Angel. He was closed off, but she always went out of her way to make sure he was taken care of along with Angel. And from then on, they became closer and closer. Seeing her hurting like this, it hurt him, his younger sister was suffering cause his brother was a fucking idiot.

He was certain Angel felt greatly for her too, with Cruz around, it just wasn’t the main priority. 

“Alena, you know you deserve better. You should have gone to Paris.” Coco was the one who encouraged Alena to go to Paris. Was it a dick move? Maybe, but Angel didn’t know what he had, perhaps it would have woken him up. She refused to tell him though. And he knew why. Angel would have begged her to stay and she couldn’t say no to him.

“Yeah, I should have. But when I met Cruz, I couldn’t. He looked so much like Angel. He deserved a chance to be a father. I wasn’t going to let Valeria take that away from him.” Alena wiped her tears, laughing at her silliness. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I like it when you come and stay with me, I miss spending time with you and the others.”

“Yeah, Angel fucking locked you down here or something ever since you two got married.” Coco teased. They held no hard feelings towards Angel. He was always protective of Alena, but that increased tenfold when they got married. “But we get it, Cruz is your priority.”

“He is.”

“Alena, it’s okay for you to cry. I know how frustrating it is for you. It’s rare for you to show any frustration, but don’t you just want to scream at times?”

“For what?”

“I’m sure this situation isn’t ideal for you. I know that you always wanted to marry Angel, but not like this.”

Alena smiled. “No, but it’s fine. Angel needs me, Cruz needs me. I’m like the glorified nanny.”

“Stop that shit Lenny, you know you’re not a fucking nanny. You’re Cruz’s mother.” Coco hated hearing Alena put herself down. She was far from a fucking nanny.

“I know, do you think Angel could ever love me?” 

“Alena, it’s hard not to fall in love with you.” 

“He didn’t though.”

Coco watched as Alena took another shot. But Angel was in love with her, he was just too fucking stupid to make a move.

============

“Running wild?” Angel wasn’t sure what Coco meant. Did Alena express to Coco that she was worried about Adelita or disclosed information she didn’t tell him about? If he was honest, he was glad Alena was close to the members, but at times, he felt that she withheld information from him and heard it from Coco instead. 

“I’m sure she thinks Adelita and you are getting together.” Coco regretted telling Alena how much Angel admired Adelita. She just gave him that smile of hers and he knew it got to her. Yet again, she was on the losing end with Angel. His brother really did a number on her.

“Is she fucking insane? I haven’t even touched another woman since we got married.” Angel knew it was easy to assume that he slept around, but he didn’t. He was devoted to Alena and that was that.

But he also knew why Adelita came to see Alena. She’s overheard Angel speak about Alena so much, anyone would be curious. 

They were across the border, bringing some supplies to Los Olvidados when Alena had messaged Angel.

============

Angel chuckled, shaking his head and replying to Alena. He knew there was some international charges, but he didn’t give a fuck. He always kept his phone on in case there was an emergency.

“What Lenny send you?” Coco questioned, trying to peak at Angel’s phone.

Angel moved it closer to his chest, shaking his head. “Nothing man, just Cruz finally jumping in the pool at her apartment building.”

“I still can’t believe you’re okay with her living in San Diego.” Coco chuckled. “You aren’t worried she’s dating people while you’re not there?”

“Careful bro, we don’t need Angel locking her down more than he already has.” Gilly teased Angel, adding to Coco’s statement. 

“Alena doesn’t need anyone, she has me.” Angel scoffed at their suggestion that his precious Cielo would even stray from him.

“Right, does she know that?” Coco was not a fan of Angel’s methods when it came to Alena. For him, he didn’t need to tell her they were it for one another, even though 

“You have a girlfriend?” Adelita surprised the three men. She was attracted to Angel and she honestly thought he was attracted to her, but she’s heard them mention the name Alena plenty of times. She thought she was just the mother of his child. 

“No, Alena’s my wife.” Angel showed his left hand.

Adelita smiled, nodding her head. “She’s a lucky woman. How long have you two been together?”

“Four years.”

“She must be one hell of a woman to have tamed you.”

Coco chuckled. “You have no idea.”

============

“I literally told Alena, it’s me and her. Always has been since we got married.” Angel extinguished his cigarette, shoving it down on the ashtray. 

“Hermano, you know why she’s like that. Talk to her. Communication is key.” Coco smirked. “And from what you told us, it’s not you and her anymore. She went on a date with Victor.”

“Victor is nothing. He’s a fucking pretentious asshole.”

"You would like Victor if he wasn't making moves on your girl. Told you, a girl like her would just stay single for so long. Her kindness was always beyond you, and someone finally noticed her. It's the day you always feared hermano, what are you going to do about it?"

"It's too fucking late for the church of Coco."