#who are potentially / were at one point “dangerous” to themselves or others or cant do basic tasks or talk to themselves etc etc

[videoviolence]

i know its not like the disability olympics or whatever but as someone who was unable to function unless I was homeschooled my entire life because one attempted semester of highschool made me genuinely psychotic & unable to function in a group, its interesting how autism as a disorder has just been watered down to this commodified "consumerist" identity where people have deluded themselves into thinking theres something Wrong with them if literally all they do is have passionate interests but oh make sure you dont do anything Actually weird cuz thats "jobless / loser / etc" behavior . that + th whole sweep of th word "neurodivergent" which is a catch-all that means nothing in th grand scheme of things .

[genderkoolaid]

abstract thoughts about how men are also viewed as sexual objects by the kyriarchy both in a like. [to a toddler] "is this your girlfriend?" and in a "men are just such sexual beings they cant help themselves". it removes agency both from women ("you are helpless to refuse men") /and/ men ("you are helpless to refuse yourself")

and thus both straight women & straight men are denied legitimate relationships w/ each other, even in a friendship; the first point removes agency from men to decide what sort of relationship they have and simply states that any relationship with the "opposite" gender must be romantic because they are both helpless

Very true! This gets brought up in The Will to Change, specifically thinking of this paragraph:

Little boys learn early in life that sexuality is the ultimate proving ground where their patriarchal masculinity will be tested. They learn early that sexual desire should not be freely expressed and that females will try to control male sexuality. For boys this issue of control begins with the mother’s response to his penis; usually she does not like it and she does not know what to do with it. Her discomfort with his penis communicates that there is something inherently wrong with it. She does not communicate to the boy child that his penis is wonderful, special, marvelous. This same fear of the boy’s penis is commonly expressed by fathers who simply do not concern themselves with educating boys about their bodies. Sadly, unenlightened approaches to child abuse lead many parents to fear celebration of their child’s body, especially the boy body, which may respond to playful physical closeness with an erection. In patriarchal culture everyone is encouraged to see the penis, even the penis of a small boy, as a potential weapon. This is the psychology of a rape culture. Boys learn that they should identify with the penis and the potential pleasure erections will bring, while simultaneously learning to fear the penis as though it were a weapon that could backfire, rendering them powerless, destroying them. Hence the underlying message boys receive about sexual acts is that they will be destroyed if they are not in control, exercising power.

Being taught that your sexual desires are inherently gross, creepy, violent, etc. makes it hard to have a normal, healthy relationship with your sexuality, or to have healthy sexual relationships. Women are sexual objects, in the sense that they are viewed as having no autonomy or personhood, only existing for sexual gratification. But men are obliged to be sexual actors, while our culture also treats sex in a fucked-up way that does not equip them with the understanding they need to have a healthy relationship with sex. Sex can't just be something they enjoy, it is forced to be this power dynamic thing where their desires are at once mandatory and restricted.

I know there a lot of men who have been pressured into sex they didn't actually want to have, because "men always want sex", so not having sex would make them a pansy, or would be taken as an insult, or a sign of cheating. Men get pressured to perform straight sexuality (esp. when it comes to gay and asexual men) because not being sexual is taken as a sign of failed masculinity. & when it comes to marginalized men, they are stereotyped as overly sexual and sexually dangerous- its assumed that they must be aggressive and dominating, oftentimes creepy and disgusting in their sexuality as well.

The thing about domination is that it can feel great to dominate, but you constantly have to fear what happens if you aren't always doing that. It keeps you in a constant state of chasing dominance, because if you stop, you'll be dominated and a failure. Being an object is fucking awful, but there's another, special kind of pain when your body and being is made into a weapon. On one hand, you have a weapon, and you can attack. On the other hand, you are always a potential threat, and violence is made into a permanent part of your being. Its hard to be normal about relationships when you are viewing yourself as a loaded gun waiting to go off.

[pigtailedgirl]

#to make it make sense that he leaves after that to never return#i have to headcanon that seeing ray take yet another bullet meant for him was too much for fraser#he had to walk away to make sure it never happened again#of course after some time has passed he realizes he can't live without ray and reaches out to him and it all works out#because i'm a sucker for a happy ending

@gayvecchio stole the tags to expand because, yes this!

100% makes sense with everything Fraser is and has arc-ed up to for like the drama moment of him.

Fraser, who has spent his whole life lost to connection because of Bob and duty, who got Ray's support and it opened him up and like Ray is the only other person in his life I think who hit that I admit I needed in my life level for Fraser besides his Dad. Then their whole relationship tension is a fight and undercurrent of do you or can you admit to it though? And the dangers of going bad or duty, swing that emotional spectrum, overriding your love or friendship and break up and shooting angst part 1. Which they get through but don't talk about. Then suddenly Ray's gone, and Fraser just has to deal for their mutual survival. Undercover indeed or what? And so he hits the point of inverse, of hi Ray K who is like me, we really need to communicate for partners and stuff huh, and THEN surprise Ray's back and the specter of the why was Bob Fraser like that same time, with an answer and suddenly the narrative for like the 1000th time, makes the clear despite Fraser's very odd fire-side speech in COTW post disaster and that one friendship set up in Manhunt, that once again Ray V is paralleled to Caroline Fraser. Caroline Fraser, who was Bob's love and rock. Who teased the hell out of him by committing traffic violations and followed him all over creation while he was Mountie-ing to live with, grumbling about accommodations the whole way, and must have taken him out of his shell a bit cause they were married and were a family. Yeah. Caroline Fraser, who got shot dead cause of a case of Bob's and who's loss broke Bob Fraser expressing love there-after.

Fraser has always known his Dad's and his relationship hardship has been shadowed by his mom's loss. We see this in their profound conversation in Victoria's Secret in the canteen. He's unforgiving. Of if Bob Fraser really loved Caroline, if he was never there, if he never saw her. I get chills at that every damn time, Paul Gross and Gordon Pinsent you were so awesome. He lays into his Dad, actually holding him to account as a person, not a paragon, for failure. Rightfully so in my opinion. Here we see, his rebel against, at the same time we know he's always wanted to be like his Dad. Cause it's Dad should have loved her aka. me better. He won't relate. Until, suddenly COTW and Ray, and Fraser 180s to be I understand you now Dad.

Again, I CANT with this.

Every point in the series of he's like his dad, and reckons with the wall of it, applies especially to even in the relationships and emotions. But he wants to change and be no, dad I loved you, dad you should have been there for me, dad you were a great Mountie, but there was more. Their whole ghost thing is contending with what example of you I know and embrace and overcome.

Every point of Fraser's romantic relationships potential, the dark ex, or all the past ladies or himbo friends (Hi Mark!) being a blaring sign of Fraser wants connection and someone to just love him, cherishes or hoards the idea of, and is also unable, unwilling and so damn terrified of failure or loss of it he hides himself or he runs if it's too much.

Every point of the seasons and Chicago being a metaphorical seal clubbing of showing people need trust and help, and you are good at it in abstract and ideals, but they also need their loved ones and to embrace the damn honest truth of themselves, and you need that and want it and now you learn to know and say it. That the sad and bad in relationships and plot happen because of those who don't. Don't loose out. Learn from the new wild world re-framed instead of staying in the expansive and cold and alone North.

And so he came of the trail of the killers of his father, and yes, actually the reason he stayed does need exploring at this juncture. He "bonded" with Ray Vecchio.

And that bond, someone reaching out to him and wanting him, is how he said ok I want to stay and came back. I just had the image of, what would have become of Fraser emotionally, if he choose closer to Russia sir than Chicago and the people who want you? AAAAHHH.

Platonic or not, that's what brought solid support and connection to Fraser's life. All the people. Vecchio family. 27th. Neighborhood. Consulate.

I kinda grew to love the idea of Fraser's adventure with Ray K over the years. How wilderness and North Canada is freeing in it's solitude time, like a sabbatical or refresh away from your stresses. So I get it. But I have never got the fan idea they stay there. That they belong there. Or importantly that Fraser belongs there or in Canada now.

I've always been after, they, very much he, need to go home. The open ends of previous seasons was the connections of Due South on the daily life constants on. I've always loved the fanfic or open ends head canons of Ray, Ray, and Fraser working together, or the homecoming and reuniting possibilities ones for various pairs. But not living in the North. Because it's lonely up here I tell ya for personal experience.

Cause for Fraser, home shouldn't be isolation and Artic anymore. His home is his people. His people are in Chicago. His people started with finding Ray V and I'll be damned if that doesn't book-end to have Fraser pick that over what his father did and lost when he didn't pick his wife, or love, and ran from his son seeing and getting it from him. Seeing himself and his dad through to happy ending, should be Fraser breaking the cycle. Just like that break, coming back, rewards Ray V's boatload of issues being the unwanted and do good, get appreciated too.

And Ray K...I want him to find himself. You go baby! There's a great big world to do it with all the people you've connected with through Fraser. With what you learned about yourself working with and for seeing the importance of yourself as yourself now not as Stella's Ray or Fraser's buddy or "Ray Vecchio" or stuck out in the ice. Come on home too.

So, Wonder Twins or throuple unite. I have just rambled myself into I don't know what.

[syrips]

religion ramble below, not trauma/negative stuff, just a random reflection on something i noticed, with a mix of a dnd thing i love

kinda long. tl;dr at the bottom

so, i dont consider myself religious but i consider myself spiritual, i like to read religious, philosophical, sentimental texts/art. i like to enjoy the potential meaning, lesson, and purpose behind them; and, regardless of what i do/dont believe, it makes me feel a personal, human connection with people, in the past, present, and future, that will read/see the same things i did. and, just maybe, they will connect or experience it in a similar way that i did. but, even if they didnt, especially if they didnt, it just reminds us of how unique each of us are

but anyways, the above was just for context. the main thing i wanted to talk about was related to dnd, the deity ilmater. i know fictional deities are based/similar to religious figures irl, (so im not viewing ilmater as a 'real' religious figure,) but there's something that deeply connects me spiritually to the entire concept of ilmater and the fictional religion.

the act of wanting to take away people's burdens, the act of wanting to ease their pain and suffering, even at the point of lying to them to ease their pain. even at the point of sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, no matter how evil, cruel, wicked, irredeemable they are. if anything, it is especially because of how evil, cruel, wicked they are, that you wish to take away their pain. to ease their pain, no matter how cruel they are. no matter how intentional their evil deeds are. and yet, i cant help but be in awe of that level of spirituality. (i know ilmater has limits, but i think i would seek peace for everyone, even if it is a pipe dream.) it soothes my irl heart and, even if i were to be hurt from it, it feels nice to be at such a level of peace and kindness.

obviously though, the irl world is too complex for such a 'simple' plan of easing everyone's suffering instantly like that. but still, it's nice to dream, or try, with the things that i could control. maybe i cant help someone undo something toxic, but i could help take an animal/insect out of my home and place them back in their own home. i could clean up litter without minding how or why the previous people left it there. i could thank the cashier and wish them a nice day. i could smile at everyone, greet everyone, treat them kind. not because of who they may potentially be, but because of who i know i am

but, i dont know, back to the dnd thing. im surprised at how 'small' / 'mortal' ilmater seems to be seen compared to other deities (in the fictional world). and yet, it feels even more niche and personal to me because of that. ilmater's entire concept (as well as their stereotyped followers) feel like they are the 'doormat', the 'pushover', the 'weak', the 'pathetic', the 'ignorant', the 'naive'. etc. but what's wrong with being the pathetic, weak, naive? what's wrong with seeing the best in people, even if - especially if - they don't even see that in themselves? what's wrong with having rose colored glasses, and tending to them as if they were the roses i see them as? what if i'm okay with getting pricked by their intentional thorns, with the chance to help them just to grow a little bit?

obviously, for my own health and the health of others though, i cant do that safely irl. i can't let a dangerous person roam freely in anothers' safe place. but, i can wish and direct them to how they can take accountability for themselves, to wish them to rehabilitate safely into society. to wish for them to smile, laugh, and feel peace, by doing actions that harm no one, not even consequently themselves. to love them from afar, not excusing their behaviors, but bringing awareness to their actions, to help them become better people, if even, by just a little

ok i rambled far enough to not remember the point of this post, goodbye hehe

tl,dr - gonna self insert SO hard in my ilmater PCs

[dateamonster]

9 & 17 from the meta oc asks for wolfgirl and wilhelm?

aa thank u these looks fuuun

In a group dynamic, what kind of role does the oc usually fill? Are they a worry wart? A troublemaker? The straight man?

wolfgirl: shes probably the closest thing to the straight man in the main trio but only because wilhelm and lucy are each such uniquely weird and chaotic people. really shes more like the group cynic. she is less interested in being a part of whatever Shenanigans the other two, or at least pretends to be, so she comes off as more responsible by default.

wilhelm: instigator, problem creator, eccentric genius but heavier on the eccentric than the genius. imo the biggest challenge an immortal vampire can face is boredom. the second biggest challenge is not getting so determined to never be bored that you forget that your friends arent immortal and cant keep joining you to do things thatd shorten a normal persons lifespan by proximity alone.

List/describe up to five tropes that apply to your oc. They could be related to the oc's characterization or their narrative arc.

wolfgirl:

only known one of their kind. while theyre sometimes thought to be a kind of werewolf or other animal shifter, signs point to the possibility that wolfgirl is something else entirely, something that no one else seems to be familiar with and which alienates them somewhat even in community of monsters.

hidden troubled past. shes kind of naturally private person and doesnt take respond well to folks who try to pry into her business, much less her personal history. even wilhelm, who knew her for years before they met lucy, only knows vague details from the time before he met her.

haunted by guilt. when under enough stress or encountering specific triggers wolfgirl sometimes experiences hallucinations of the guardian she killed while escaping his captivity.

working out their emotions. at wilhelm's suggestion(/insistence) wolfgirl took up playing the drums basically as an excuse to hit things in a contained, non-destructive way.

the reliable one, by default. already p much explained above. wilhelm is impulsive and prone to fixation and lucy is in a lot of ways still new to the world, which makes wg regularly worry about them being taken advantage of, us much as they'd deny it.

wilhelm:

careless immortal. as alluded to above, wilhelm doesnt spare a lot of concern for potential risk or danger. vampires in this world are immortal and fast healing. however they are not invulnerable to all forms of harm, such as illness, intoxication, exhaustion, magical affliction, poisoning, etc. they just wont die from them. but trying to convince wilhelm he probably shouldnt be consuming nothing but energy drinks is still an uphill battle.

jilted ex. wilhelm has long ongoing beef with his sire, charlotte, who is also his ex-gf/fiance?? kinda? once upon a time they were supposed to run away together and be in love for all eternity, but then wilhelm realized she was kind of a possessive toxic weirdo who turned him without his consent so she wouldnt have to give him up to his arranged-fiance. after hundreds of years theyve found themselves accidentally in the same city and neither of them is very happy about it.

left at the alter. if you count promising to run away with charlotte, wilhelm has a current record of two fiances ditched within days before the wedding date. which isnt that many, but its weird that it happened twice.

virtuoso. immortality gives a guy a lot of time to practice a lot of different instruments. he has the longest history with classical piano and cello but is personally much more into darkwave and post-punk and weird experimental electronic shit of all kinds. he has cultivated a musical style one can only describe as "relentless".

pest best bud. he will be your friend whether you like it or not. and you may not! wilhelms kind of a handful, he has a big personality and isnt one to read the room, but hes the kind of person that like if you let him in, or he finds a way to get under your skin regardless, youre friends for life. wont stop him from being a little annoying tho.

--

Meta OC Questions

[cutekittenlady]

Emmet and Elesa in Hisui Part 3

((finally got his out. Doesnt have all the info I've thought up, but theres some dramatic fun in this one))

Part: 1, 2, 3

Getting back on the bandwagon here in the last post we had Emmet and Elesa capturing the nobles not realizing they werent just strong wild pokemon but sacred to the people of hisui. This ended up getting Ingo into hot water resulting in the player character needing to investigate the disappearances in an attempt to clear Ingo’s name. Eventually after a few run ins with Elesa and meeting other folks whove seen the “other ingo” the player character, probably with a witness, finally met and fought(?) Emmet for themselves before he ran off. Ingos name thus cleared, the warden ended up tagging along with the player character to the coronet highlands to find out whats actually going on.

This took awhile to think through but I think by the time the story reaches this point Elesa would have begun to develop more and more doubts about what they’re doing. She still has no idea that the nobles are sacred, but she has suspicions about the person who brought them back in time. The two are polite but very obviously don’t trust one another.

Elesa doesnt like how many vague excuses this person gives about all the questions she has regarding why they can’t just talk to the local people and doesnt fully believe the “cant distrupt the timeline” explanation if only because, if that’s the case, then they’ve already done so by capturing all these ultra powerful pokemon. Hell, an argument could be made about “disrupting the timeline” by taking any pokemon back to the future with them at all!

She tries voicing her concerns to Emmet. But whenever they’re back at basecamp the man (really need to come up with a name for this person. Might just call them ‘villain’ since thats basically their role) always seems to be around so that the two aren’t alone together when they’re not actively “out in the field”. And when theyre “out in the field” she doesn’t really get a chance to talk to Emmet about her concerns because of how focused Emmet is and because of how much the dangerous land of Hisui demands that they remain fully alert at all times.

What this results in is Elesa being in the perfect state of mind to be sympathetic when the Hisuian Electrode shes supposed to catch up in the highlands ends up being way stressed after sensing the disturbances amongst the other nobles. Emmet is not there to help her as they had both split up to try and capture the two targeted pokemon in the highlands (electrode and sneasler) and recently their “employer” (the villain) has been urging them to hurry along with capturing them. Claiming that, for various reasons, they need to hurry up and catch the rest of the nobles.

((Maybe he claims he wants to minimize the amount of time in the past to ‘limit the potential for damage’ tho Elesa is suspicious about that claim))

Emmet, for his part, is eager to get this all finished and done with. They’ve already captured six of the ten total pokemon they were instructed to capture, and Emmet wants to hurry and catch the final four so that their employer will help him find Ingo as soon as possible. Hence he recommends they split up here since Elesa is a master of the electric type and, from what their employer told them, Sneasler is a devil to track and find.

Elesa reluctantly agrees, if only because she just wants all of this to be over and done with as soon as possible so they can go home. However, when she does find Electrode is on the verge of exploding the top of the mountain off because of how stressed it is.

Meanwhile Melli ends up coming across Emmet who he mistakes for Ingo and attacks. Melli not having been present for the clearing of Ingo’s name with the last update he got being about Ingo being under suspicion and locked up in Jubilife Village. So when he sees Emmet walking around, and not having gotten any news about Ingo being innocent or being sent to the highlands for any reason, he concludes he must have escaped and attacks with the goal of apprehending him in order to protect Electrode and Sneasler.

Emmet… wins pretty easily tbh. And he is not afraid to say so. Melli tries to talk back but Emmet is already a good distance away before he can recover from the shock. This leaves him being rather upset.

Which is how the player character and Ingo and co end up finding him after arriving in the highlands.

Melli is furious and goes in on Ingo with a level of vitriol he hasn’t really displayed before. Telling him he won’t let him hurt Lord Electrode and that if he wants to get past him he’ll have to sick his “weird eel thing” on him personally. Adaman manages to calm Melli down enough for them to learn he just had a run in with the person who looks like Ingo. Melli doesn’t really get a full explanation of everything thats going on though as he announces he has to go to the moonview arena to make sure Electrode doesnt explode. (He was in the middle of getting Electrodes favorite foods in an attempt to calm it down.)

Confused Adaman and co chase after Melli to the moonview arena. Ingo is now just as confused as Melli. As they near the arena Melli stops and demands to know why they hadn’t taken Ingo away insisting that he attacked him. Adaman points out that Ingo has been with them the whole way to the coronet highlands and once again tries to get Melli to tell them about the person who looks like Ingo.

Before Melli can really respond tho there’s a big boom heard from the Moonview Arena and Melli takes off.

Once there Melli ends up finding Elesa attempting to soothe the very stressed out Electrode whose on the verge of exploding. Melli has never seen Elesa before and has no idea who she is, and actually tries to get her away from Electrode. However she tells him to sit down and shut up while she works with Electrode. The gang ends up catching up and arriving right as it seems Electrode is about to explode but Elesa successfully calms it down, preventing it from exploding and indirectly saving the coronet highlands from a massive explosion.

((At this point I have a personal rather jokey idea that Melli develops a sorta fanboy-esque crush on Elesa. Its not really love as much as admiration both for her beauty and the way she was able to handle electrode. Feel free to ignore this cause its not important I just thought it would be one of those things thats sweet and kinda funny since Melli is easily one of the goofiest of the wardens and hes the one I see mostly likely to do such a thing.

Lol but thats just me. It can be ignored as its hardly an essential plot point))

Of course the feelings of goodwill don’t last long as Elesa captures Electrode right in front of the gang then and there.

Adaman angrily demands she let Electrode go, but Elesa is just about to ignore him and rush out with Zebstrika…

But then she sees Ingo.

Elesa’s entire projected personality changes in a moment. Outright shouts Ingo’s name and asking if its really him. Going on about how happy she is to see hes alive and how overjoyed Emmet is going to be to see him.

Ingo is crazy overwhelmed by this. This random woman knows him? The one who's been kidnapping all the nobles… knows him?!

Elesa is sensitive enough to pick up that something is wrong and asks Ingo point-blank why he won’t say anything to her.

At which point Ingo admits he doesnt remember her.

This stuns Elesa who asks if he’s serious. When Ingo fails to respond she demands to know if he remembers Nimbasa City. The Subway. His pokemon. Chandelure.

But when Ingo fails to respond to any of it, she finally asks, practically begging him, if he at the very least remembers Emmet.

Finally Ingo responds that he has no idea who that is.

All this is enough to keep Elesa from running away and giving Adaman time to ask her why she captured their noble. Breaking from her shock all Elesa can do in response is ask what he means.

Adaman is a nice guy. He really is. But after all this confusing garbage and having just watched one of his clans precious nobles being captured in a pokeball, basically shouts at Elesa how she can possibly not know what shes been doing to the diamond and pearl clans this whole time. He’s practically about to attack her with his Leafeon.

However thanks to his outburst Elesa is finally given context for what they’re doing, and further explanation by the others present causes her to realize… Ingo is sneaslers warden.

Sneasler.

The pokemon Emmets gone after.

Elesa suddenly shouts that she HAS to stop Emmet, before getting on Zebstrika and rushing past the group. Ingo finally gets over his own shock to realize… only Elesa is present, and all reports said there were two of them. And Lady Sneasler is off on her own.

He takes off to where he knows she’ll be leaving the others behind.

Emmet, meanwhile, has finally managed to hunt the noble pokemon down…

[starcloud-nova]

Favorite fics by some of your buddies on Tumblr and Discord?

God nonnie. You fucked up big time. You underestimated just how hard I can appreciate my friends. I’d like to formally apologize for how long and in-depth this got, but I would pick a stopping point and then go ‘oh! but i cant leave out so-and-so’ and then this got mega out of hand.

Organized by author and not genre! And if I didn’t include any of your works (or I did and it was not the one you wanted), please, don’t take it personally. I am trusting everyone who comes across this post to read the tags themselves, but for two of the fics I have left TWs in front of them.

Cassia’s fics:

Internet Enemies by @cassiopeia721 (x)

At school, Midoriya Izuku is ignored at best. At home, he's raised by a single mother who seems to be always taking night shifts, and who he communicates with almost exclusively through notes on lunch boxes and texts lying about his location. As such, Midoriya Izuku turns to the internet— or more specifically, an All Might fan server on discord— for companionship. Like most things in his life, it goes wrong eventually. It just takes longer than usual.

hypnic jump

Izuku finds himself somewhere he doesn't recognize in an oversized green jumpsuit with a hero he's never seen at his back. He's pretty sure he's dreaming, and subsequent events only solidify that theory into rock-solid certainty.

Paradigm Shift (Harry Potter)

Harry undergoes a paradigm shift at the beginning of his fifth year. (Slytherin Harry)

~~~

Kestrel’s fics:

Compass by @autisticmidoriyas (x)

Midoriya Izuku never had the chance to become a hero—or even to grow up. Fifteen years after his death, Akatani Izuku tries to save the life of a dying hero and in return receives a target painted on his back and a power humming in his bones.

All Might, Sir Nighteye, Ground Zero, Suneater, and Skyquake are left scrambling in the wake of Lemillion’s death to figure out who now holds One For All.

Intertwined with all this, the League of Villains’ war against Japan burns on. With the loss of Lemillion, the advantage is now theirs, and with the loss of One For All, victory is all-but-assured.

(What the villains don’t know is that One For All lives on in the blood of a boy who was always meant to be a hero.)

triskelion

A few seconds, and their lives—their life—is changed forever. Where three people used to exist, there is now only one.

While visiting the mall with their class, Izuku, Katsuki, and Shouto are the victims of someone whose quirk can fuse together objects … and people.

Permanently.

Facing down the fact that they may never be unfused, a long adjustment period lies ahead of them as they learn how to be themself and figure out where they fit into their families, their class, and their world.

the meaning of hope

One day, the smoke will reach its end. They hold out hope for that. Even with quirks, fires cannot burn forever. They will consume all their fuel, until there is nothing left, and they will wither and die.

~~~

Lilly’s fics:

Rise of the Rat Finks by Authoress_Lilly

“You're not in trouble Neito. You’ve been tapped to join The Rats.”

The boy blinks. “The what?”

Vlad opens up a folder and hands Monoma a flyer and a small pin in the shape of a rat. “It’s a sort of secret society here at UA.

Or: an excuse to put Monoma and Midoriya together in way too many words 😅

The Root to Villainy

Prompt: Izuku doesn't realize how fucked up his past was until Aizawa does an immersive class on villain origins.

Whoops?

~~~

Dance’s fics:

Never Take Your Problem Children To Costco by DanceInTheKitchen

“SECURE THE EGGS! I REPEAT SECURE THE EGGS!” Bakugou bellowed.

“YES SIR! AYE AYE SIR!” Izuku saluted.

Shouta is staring at his students, one of whom seems to be reenacting the Lion King with a carton of eggs while the other salutes him, and wonders. What the hell did he do in his past life to deserve this?? Past him must have committed some great sin, like putting sugar in his coffee, or being a dog person.

 Or, Aizawa, Bakugou and Midoriya walk into a Costco.

grow as we go

The dorms were silent, but out here in the open air, she felt both isolated and free. Isolated from the world, but free from the responsibility crushing her, isolated from her friends and family, but free from judgement. Up here, with only the stars and Iida as company, Momo felt like she could breathe.

They sat next to each other in silence, watching the stars silently crawl their way across the sky. Iida doesn’t break the silence, but he also doesn’t leave. It’s a silent promise, to listen if she needs it, or to keep her company if she doesn’t want to speak. It’s comforting.

She’s not sure when she speaks, it’s somewhere between staring up at the stars, and looking at the shiny dew covering the grass of the hills behind UA.

“I’m not ready.”

 Or, with graduation right around the corner, Momo has a conversation with Iida about what growing up means.

~~~

Azure’s fics:

A Helping Hand for All by azureskyy

Izuku doesn't know why everyone's talking about a certain hero analyst online. He's tried browsing through the forums and other sites, but he just can't find the person they're talking about.

Maybe he'll ask them later. For now, he has some analysis to do.

Or: Izuku is a well-known hero and quirk analyst across multiple social media platforms.

Not that he's aware of it, of course.

A Missed Chance

Two paths cross then diverge. In another universe, perhaps, they could have walked on the same path; they could have talked for the second time that day, and Izuku could have been given an opportunity that could change his entire life. And maybe, just maybe, he would have taken it.

But this isn’t that universe.

Or: What if All Might wasn't able to find Izuku after the Sludge Villain Incident?

~~~

Alice’s fics:

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by @makeitbluue (x)

“Did you think you’d be safe from me forever? That you could chip away at my power base and I would not care or try to hunt you down?” The man asks as he steps forwards.

Izuku scrambles backwards in his bed, searching the covers as he goes for his phone. If he can get a text off to All Might or Aizawa-sensei he can alert people to the potential danger.

But even as he moves, something in the back of his mind tells him he had heard this voice before. A different time, a different context, but the same voice.

~~~

Ely’s fics:

bend and break by @queenangst (x)

In a world where you can feel your soulmate's pain, Eijirou spends a lot of his life up until meeting his soulmate hurting.

draw and quarter

In District Twelve, no one volunteers.

When Aizawa Shouta’s name is called, no one says a word. He stands there for a moment, feeling all the world slow around him, and then he straightens his shoulders and walks to his death.

He will die fighting. At the very least, Shouta can promise that.

Shouta's name is drawn for the Hunger Games, alongside Shirakumo Oboro. No one from their district has ever won.

damage control

After All for One's defeat, Aizawa Shouta is grasping for ways to protect his students. At the same time, a discrepancy in Midoriya's behavior leads Shouta down a dangerous line of investigation and to a single question: if Midoriya is the U.A. traitor.

Between the Wind and the Water

Staying at U.A. for winter break, Izuku hopes it'll be a quiet chance to spend the holidays with Todoroki and supervising teachers All Might and Aizawa-sensei.

It's just his luck a gift-shopping trip turns into a gift from a villain, and Izuku's new Half-Cold, Half-Hot Quirk is not so easy to control. Neither are the secrets he's been carefully keeping.

a glimpse of tomorrow (looking back)

Subject: Aldera Time Capsule Ceremony Forwarded Message— This year marks ten years for the Aldera Middle School graduating class of 20XX.To celebrate, we would like to invite pro heroes Kingpin and Deku, Aldera alumni, to participate in a public time-capsule opening. We are incredibly proud to have helped them on their journeys to becoming heroes, and would be most honored to receive them as guests and for them to speak at the ceremony. [...]

"Well," Deku says, leaning over to turn the monitor towards him. His eyes flick over the contents of the email one more time. "If they haven't changed, then I guess we could return the favor."

Ten years down the line, Bakugou and Midoriya are invited to a time capsule ceremony at their middle school to read letters from their past selves, and look back on their past and how it shaped their future. For anyone else, it would have been a celebration.

For the two of them, it's an opportunity.

A look into Bakugou and Midoriya's past—through a future neither of them imagined—as pro heroes, agency partners, and friends.

of the mighty heart

It was just complicated. Kacchan had changed. Izuku had changed. What was between them was constant—Kacchan was always there—but even constants, Izuku supposed, could change, too.

...You saved me, sometimes you say Deku and it doesn’t sound so much like an insult, you say it like you mean it, you say it like you mean me.

After the war ends and the dust settles, Izuku is left in pain and feeling useless. There's still so much to do and people to save, and it's just... too much for one person.

And then there's Kacchan.

~~~

Fawn’s fics:

Bough Breaks by @fawnvelveteen (x) (trigger warning for discussion of rape/noncon)

In life, nothing is certain. Pro-heroes aren’t always the good guys. Children are not spared from the darkest realms of humanity. Izuku isn't acting like his normal self at school lately, and his homeroom teacher has taken notice. After learning about the mother’s new, unwelcomed boyfriend, Aizawa’s concern shifts into dread. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his student away from harm.

Almost Moon (trigger warning for suicide) (Black Clover)

It was always at night. One of Noelle's squadmates, apparently, believes it's a good idea to walk across the rooftop, directly over her head while she is trying to get some sleep. Finally, she decides to confront the nighttime nuisance. What she discovers is something she never expected, nor did she wish to see.

~~~

Nez’s fics:

The True Successor by @neko-nez (x)

Toshinori is caught in a time loop.

~~~

Aodh’s fics:

new game + (the pros of being over-leveled, the catharsis of finally beating That One Boss, and a bonus social link) by @takeyamayuu (x)

Izuku hasn’t been noticed yet, being as far from the fight as he is. Or if he has, they’re dismissing him in favor of the larger threat of Aizawa-sensei. As they should, since he takes out the last one with a well placed kick, turning to face Shigaraki,

Izuku tenses, this is-

This is where his teacher’s arm is injured and then-

The Nomu.

One for All spikes to around fifty percent, his muscles stinging, bones creaking as Izuku darts forward, aiming for Shigaraki’s head with an axe-kick.

Second year Midoriya Izuku gets hit with a Quirk, skids into the USJ, and learns a little about self-care along the way.

~~~

Ghost’s fics:

fingerpaint bruises and a kick in the teeth by @ghoststrawberries (x)

There’s a sour taste in Shouta’s mouth as he stares at Jackrabbit’s bright smile. The smile he’s wearing in every clear photo of him. It somewhat reminds Shouta of All Might’s smile.

Jackrabbit might be a menace to the Commission, but there’s no way Shouta can believe that a man with that smile is anything less than good to his core.

“And I’m your last resort to handle this quietly.” He says knowingly, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“Precisely.”

Shouta’s gut response is to refuse.

The words “I don’t kill.” are halfway up his throat before they become stuck.

As an underground hero, sometimes Shouta Aizawa is called upon to do darker jobs than one might expect a hero to have to do. This time, when he's tasked with taking out a vigilante who's managed to bother the Hero Public Safety Commission one too many times, he's not sure he'll be able to follow through.

~~~

Amira’s fics:

And Now I See Daylight by @awake-my-oceans (x)

AnalysisOverload Current mood: HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON HERO CON

AnalysisOverload reblogged AnalysisOverload  Okay, let’s talk HeroCon. 

Look around, and you’ll see a lot of discrimination—against people whose Quirk is debilitating, against people whose Quirks scare us, against people who have trouble controlling their Quirk, against people who don’t have a Quirk at all. It’s easy to feel alone in a sea of discrimination.

Enter HeroCon:X.

A social media fic following Deku post-graduation.

The chaotic neutral’s guide to time travel

“You claim you are from the future,” Nedzu said, hopping onto his desk. “Do you have anything to prove this?”

Hitoshi fished around in his pocket. “Here’s my hero license,” he said, holding it up.

Nedzu opened his mouth, but Hitoshi kept right on going, producing a handful of odds and ends from his pocket. “Also a movie ticket, some dryer lint, some, uh, didn’t know I still had that but it’s old gum—“

That was when Aizawa walked in, capture weapon floating around him. “What’s the emergency?” he asked, clipped, as he kicked open the door.

“—and the left arm of a Deku plushie,” Hitoshi finished, unruffled. “My cat ate the rest.��

~~~

Aaaaaand that’s all I got. Thanks for making it to the end!

[seita]

— bnha abc's: hitoshi shinsou [angst edition].

well, finally the angst! i have no idea what character i’ll do next but we shall see...

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ɴsғᴡ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ | ғʟᴜғғ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ

⤑ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧! | 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬  

A- Accident, Would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?

∴ unless he was the reason you were involved then no. ∴ he wouldn’t search for correlation to himself in the event of an accident. ∴ he’s not looking to throw a pity party for himself. ∴ you were the one who was dead, after all.

B- Break up, How would they deal with one?

∴ it depends on the relationship. ∴ if it was long term, a few years together then he’s pretty broken up about it ∴ and will probably take a while to get himself back on the market ∴ but a relationship that’s only been a handful of months ∴ he figures it’s best to just move on from it.

C-Crying, Are they much of a crier?

∴ no not at all, really. ∴ sure, he feels sad but tears never fall from his eyes. ∴ however, if there is something traumatic that happens. ∴ he may shed a few tears into his pillow as he goes to sleep.

D-Death, How do they deal with any death?

∴ pretty well, actually ∴ he finds a way to cope so he can move on as quickly as possible ∴ that’s not to say he doesn’t mourn or just erase their memory ∴ he just moves to work past being broken up about it ∴ he doesn’t want to go through his days with the heavy weight of a death on his mind ∴ the type of guy to visit graves and leave flowers for his loved ones once a month.

E-Emotion, What’s the emotion they tend to push away the most?

∴ anger. ∴ he doesn’t like to be angry and he doesn’t like to show anyone his anger ∴ that’s not always possible so he’ll remove himself from situations that make him angry ∴ he’ll go somewhere private where he can let his anger out without prying eyes. ∴ he feels like shit after losing his temper so he’ll apologize or you’ll have to console him and let him know it’s okay to be angry ∴ he’s human and bottling it up isn’t healthy ∴ he agrees but...tbh nothing changes.

F-Frustrated, How much would it take to push them off the edge?

∴ it truly depends. ∴ day-to-day, he doesn’t really get ticked off or upset easily ∴ he’s pretty patient tbh ∴ but in an event where he worked hard for something ∴ or he really, really had a drive to do something (like get into the hero course) ∴ and he fails to do it ∴ he is pretty easily set off. ∴ but he pushes past and works 10x harder than before until he accomplishes his goal. ∴ he’s a driven man.

G-Great Pain, What is the most painful thing they have witnessed?

∴ when he became a pro, the first time he failed to defeat a villain ∴ and many civilians perished as a result ∴ it’s something that absolutely haunts him. ∴ he had nightmares for weeks afterwards ∴ he fully went to a therapist ∴ like he was fucked up over it ∴ to this day, if he’s reminded of it he will literally get so anxious and depressed, even though he’s seen lots of casualties since then ∴ it was just that first failure that fucks him up.

H-Humiliation, How could they be humiliated?

∴ being cheated on. ∴ the idea that he wasn’t good enough, to the point his lover had to find someone else. ∴ that really damages his sense of self worth and self esteem which is already a bit low to begin with. ∴ he’d feel like there was something wrong with him and now everyone knew he was defective.

I-Injured, How do they handle themselves when injured?

∴ very calm and collected. ∴ he figures there’s no real reason to lose his head over it. ∴ panicking will only make the situation worse. ∴ if it’s a bad injury, he’ll seek help as fast as he can. ∴ if its a superficial wound he’ll probably handle it himself.

J-Jittery, Which part of their past makes them flinch or even worked up?

∴ his childhood. ∴ he was the target for teasing and bullying due to his quirk. ∴ so if anything reminds him of those times, he gets really down ∴ he doesn’t like spiral into depression or anything ∴ but he’ll feel anxious and self conscious until the moment passes

K-Kill, Would they kill for revenge?

∴ no, never. ∴ he’s worked so hard to become a pro hero that he wouldn’t want to jeopardize it by some sort of misconduct as that. ∴ also, he has been accused of having potential to become a villain ∴ and he doesn’t want to give anyone ammunition for that.

L- Loss, What was their greatest loss?

∴ he hasn’t actually experienced much loss in terms of losing anyone to death. ∴ when he was a child, he had a friend before his quirk manifested ∴ and accidentally used it on them, unsure of how to control it ∴ and it scared the other boy so bad he stopped being friends with him ∴ that hurt shinsou pretty badly. ∴ he also probably lost a pet dog, which was traumatic because of how  much he depended on the furry animal for comfort

M- Mistakes, How much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?

∴ shinsou isn’t the type of person who will do things that have the potential for regret ∴ he thinks his decisions over thoroughly and runs through all options before choosing the most logical one ∴ of course, he fucks up sometimes but ∴ he stands by his decisions, confident that he did the best possible thing he could have. ∴ being a pro hero doesn’t allow for him to regret things -- if he stops to mourn every civilian loss, for example, he would only be run into the ground. ∴ that doesn’t help anyone.

N-Need, How would they react if you needed emergency surgery?

∴ calm and collected ∴ especially if you’re scared ∴ then he’s going to make sure he’s a pillar for you to lean on ∴ that’s not to say on the inside he isn’t losing his mind ∴ bc he def is ∴ he just finds it counterproductive to stress you out while you’re already scared of the surgery ∴ it would get neither of you anywhere good ∴ once you’re in surgery, he’d be anxious as he waited. ∴ he’s check the time and refuse to leave the hospital until the doctor announces you’re safe.

O-Outrage, What makes them angry?

∴ betrayal. ∴ shinsou, when he trusts, he trusts hard. ∴ he puts his faith into them and expects them to stand by his side ∴ so if, for example, you used an insecurity of his against him in an argument. ∴ or cheated on him. ∴ or spilled a secret he told you in confidence ∴ he will be pissed. depending on how bad it was, he’s liable to break up with you. ∴ naturally, once his trust is broken, however, it’s near impossible to fix ∴ so good luck getting your relationship back to how it used to be lol

P-Pressure, What stresses them out to the breaking point?

∴ training ∴ he works hard to better himself to become the best hero possible ∴ but it stresses him out that he’s not improving fast enough, he’s not doing enough, he’s falling behind others ∴ he’s really hard on himself and his drive only makes the thought of failure terrifying to him. ∴ he doesn’t want to fuck up and lose his chance at his dream.

Q- Qualify, What part of themselves do they see as dangerous?

∴ his quirk, naturally. ∴ it’s a pretty dangerous quirk but ∴ truthfully, everyone’s quirk is dangerous in some way. ∴ it’s just that he’s always been trated as if his quirk was the worst possible outcome he could have been born with. ∴ so he feels like his quirk is the Most Dangerous.

R-Rock, What weighs them down?

∴ the idea that his quirk, very well could be a villains quirk. ∴ he worries that he might abuse it by accident and fuck everything up ∴ his quirk is different from combat quirks or rescue quirks ∴ he can control people. he can lock them into their own minds and force their bodies to do anything he wants without having to lift a finger. and there’s nothing they can do it about it. ∴ that scares him. ∴ it’s such a powerful quirk ∴ and it’d be so easy to abuse it ∴ he worries about his own morality at times, due to all the times he’s been called a villain ∴ it makes him doubt himself even though he knows himself better than that.

S-Sorrow, Would they feel empty after your death?

∴ very much so. ∴ shinsou is the type who gives himself completely to relationships ∴ whether it’s platonic or romantic, he puts 100% in. ∴ so to lose someone he had cared for so completely ∴ leaves him with a devastating emptiness ∴ he’s not going to know how to fill the gap your presence left behind for a long time.

T-Time, What if they had a limited time to live?

∴ he wouldn’t panic ∴ he’d spend the time doing everything he needed to do ∴ like see his mother, hang out with his friends, eat his favorite food, spend a night with you ∴ he’d be determined to make sure he wouldn’t regret wasting the time he had left ∴ so he does everything he feels is necessary for having the happiest time that he has left.

U-Urge, How badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?

∴ on a day to day basis, not much ∴ he’s very good at occupying his mind and thinking logically about whether it makes sense to see you or not. ∴ most of the time it’s not. ∴ he’s not the type to go crawling back to his ex unless it’s something he needs to fix with you. ∴ but at night, when he cant sleep ∴ his mind will automatically wander to you ∴ thinking about how it felt when just a few days, weeks, months ago you were curled up beside him in bed.

V-Vent, How do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?

∴ he’s actually really damn good at communication ∴ he is so good at just talking things through ∴ it helps him sort his thoughts and it keeps him calm, rather than getting worked up and upset ∴ he prefers to have healthy ways to release his negative emotions

W-Wild card, A random angst headcannon.

∴ when the bullying over his quirk got worse the older he got ∴ as people started to look at him like he was going to harm them ∴ he got frustrated, angry even ∴ he went off on his mom -- blaming her for giving him such a shitty, terrible quirk ∴ he said some extremely hurtful things in his anger ∴ and the picture of his mom’s hurt face over his words drives him insane ∴ to this day, he still feels like he’s trying to make it up to her. ∴ truthfully, it’s been forgiven and forgotten for a long time but ∴ he doesn’t believe he deserves that just yet.

X- X-ray, What makes them transparent? How obvious can they get around something they hate?

∴ you really will not know when this guy hates you ∴ he seems to have mostly just, cold indifference to majority of people ∴ so him hating you; being ignored or treated coldly ∴ will literally not even make you feel hated ∴ it just seems like his default ∴ he’s pretty open about his opinions though ∴ so if you talk about something and ask what he thinks of it ∴ if he hates it, like a movie, he’ll just come right out and say it tbh ∴ so he’s like 50/50 transparent.

Y-Yearning, Do old memories make them yearn for your touch?

∴ yes. ∴ shinsou is the type of guy to look through his phone at old texts and pictures ∴ when he lies in bed at night, he thinks of his fondest memories ∴ he won’t actively seek you out if it’s not logical -- like if you’re an ex. ∴ but if you’re available for him, he’ll seek you out with a deep craving for you. ∴ he wants to make more memories while he can.

Z-Zest, Add your own letters!

[Parents Headcanon] ∴ when he was a baby, his father left him and his mom ∴ that left his mom to take care of a baby all on her own ∴ she was a young mom too, had him pretty early in life; about 18 or so. ∴ so she struggled really badly ∴ he regrets all the trouble he gave her when he was naive to the struggles of parenthood ∴ once he got older and realized how much his mom did for him ∴ he began to work hard around the house so she could relax when she got home from work, cooked dinner, and never asked for anything he didn’t absolutely need ∴ he absolutely adores his mom ∴ and the idea of ever being without her terrifies him.

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© all content belongs to seita 2020. do not modify or repost.

[im-the-punk-who]

Hi, I dont know if you read or know anything about Macchiavelli's "Il principe", but I am studying it in school and I cant help but compare it's fundamentals to how Flint leads. I'm just curious about what you think

Eekekekekekekekekekekkek okay so first off Anon, you are absolutely, 100% right to be getting those vibes. If it’s not actually textual it is at the least meta-textual that Flint ascribes to a very Machiavellian type of leadership. His whole ‘never was there a Caesar who couldn't sing the tune’ speech is...licherally a direct reference to Machiavelli's philosophy that leaders cannot retain their leadership without sacrificing some level of ethical behavior in order to manipulate and deceive their subjects into following them.

And, Flint owns at least two books from thinkers who drew directly on Machiavellian thinking in their texts: De Jure Belli Ac Pacis by Hugo Grotus and The Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes are both visible in Flint’s cabin, and both drew heavily on the type of leadership principles established in books like Il Principe. 

(Also, my eternal quest for the book that sits *under* The Leviathan in that scene remains. Y’all I will literally pay someone for this knowledge. My best guess is Plato’s De Republica.)

In fact, the whole system that Flint’s world was operating under at this time was very machiavellian in influence. 

Henry VIII, who converted to Protestantism and who would eventually lead England in the conversion from Catholicism to Protestantism that would then in turn eventually lead the country into the War of Spanish Succession(the war being fought during the London 1705 flashbacks), was a student of Machiavellian thinking. He took the teachings of Il Principe to heart and used them to transform his country. Over the next hundred and fifty years, England would change from an entirely Catholic country to a Protestant one. Of note, Catholic scholars generally disagreed with Machiavelli’s principles on the grounds that it did not support the Divine Right of Kings.

As well, the Enlightenment thinkers that influenced Thomas Hamilton(and Flint himself) were starting to argue more for personal liberty and choice of the governed, both concepts presented in Machiavelli’s writings. (For those following along, this approach was also being used to justify slavery, as what was ‘good for the state is good for the man’ was used as justification for everything from impressment to colonization and slavery. Men were willing to set aside their morals for what they justified as good for the state. Shrug emoji.)

As James says of England when he and Thomas view the hanging in London:

“You think Whitehall wants piracy to flourish in the Bahamas?”

“No I don’t think they want it but I think they’re aware of the cost associated with trying to fight it. And I think that that sound travels.”

Here we see that Flint knows what Thomas doesn’t or does not want to accept: that England is willing to sacrifice some morality and some amount of lives(both of pirate-prisoners and the ships they take) in order to save themselves the financial burden of rooting out the causes of piracy. The justification for piracy was that it is too costly to fight, and that the nation ultimately benefits from a bit of strife as it drives prices up and allows England to place within the sights of its citizenry an identifiable enemy. (Note that Blackbeard also argues the same of Nassau, that prosperity ‘made it soft’.)

Even as he is changed by Thomas’ line of thinking, this lesson will stick with Flint and we’ll see it over and over again as he deals with the men’s hatred of himself by redirecting them towards other avenues(Vane, Hornigold, England, etc.)

And in actuality, this is what sets Thomas very much apart from his political brethren - he was *not* willing to sacrifice his morals in order to achieve a ‘more effective’ victory. Once he realizes that moral deficit shown by England, he creates the pardon plan to argue directly for a more moral and just way of governance. His whole premise for the pardons was to show England that an approach that considered the needs and wants of the governed was ultimately more effective, both in cost and in gaining the genuine good will of the people. And again, this is another likely reason why Thomas was then targeted by Peter Ashe and his father. Railing against the entire system of government was dangerous. Particularly if one was railing against the government in a way that could be seen as support of an opposing system of religion and political rule(remember how I said before that Catholics were generally against the Machiavellian systems?) Put plainly, Thomas’ rejection of Machiavelli’s leadership tactics would have been yet another argument for his treason against the crown.

Interestingly also, Marcus Aurelius - Thomas Hamilton’s homeboy - is said to be one of Machiavelli’s five “good” emperors, of whom Machiavelli wrote,

“[they] had no need of praetorian cohorts, or of countless legions to guard them, but were defended by their own good lives, the good-will of their subjects, and the attachment of the Senate.”

How we tryna be.

And so we see that Flint has - not so much fallen back into England’s line of thinking but perhaps that he never really fell out of it. And that this is actually a rift in his potential ability to conform to Thomas’ line of thinking, assuming we see that line as more morally correct. We do see Flint, gradually, throughout the course of the show, move more away from this Machiavellian line of thinking, especially once he meets Madi and the Maroons.  And to me at least it’s one of the most important character shifts we see - in contrast to the trajectory of John Silver becoming Long John Silver  - throughout the series. Just as Flint is finally starting to really value the lives of those around him, Silver has learned how effective those tactics can be in achieving his goals. As Hands says - ‘I wonder if he knows how much you learned from him.’

And in fact, Silver almost directly quotes Machiavelli at one point when he talks to Flint about their different leadership styles.

“I once thought that to lead men in this world, to be liked was just as good as being feared, and that may very well be true. But to be both liked and feared all at once, is an entirely different state of being in which, I believe, at this moment, I exist alone.” 

Whereas Machiavelli in his chapters addressing cruelty and mercy writes

"Here a question arises: whether it is better to be loved than feared, or the reverse. The answer is, of course, that it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved." 

This is clearly the approach Flint has taken - he is the most feared captain on the seas. Certainly in the colonial world and on Nassau, too, his name brings a certain amount of fear with it. Because of this he has been safe from rebellion for quite a long time - however he is also not unaware that his power comes from the people. In the very first episode he talks of his plan with Gates to “position people in all the right places so the crew would never turn.” He has, for an unknown amount of time but I would suspect from the very beginning, been manipulating the crew’s opinion of him to keep them happy. Gates himself, and Silver later, are prime examples. 

Both of them; Gates for the first ten years or so and Silver in seasons 2+3 act as a go between - being the ‘liked’ to Flint’s ‘feared’. They convince the crew - the ‘people’ in this case - that Flint’s plans are in their best interest and not truly the act of a tyrant. It is only when Flint forgets - or neglects to respect - that the will of his crew is how he keeps his power, that he really starts to fail. And, later also, that now he has a rival - Silver. 

Now, I do want to point out that personally I don’t think Flint is a needlessly cruel ‘ruler’ in the sense the crew sometimes thinks he is, nor is he trying to be as a king is to english subjects. He has power, of course, and he does manipulate, lie, and kill if necessary to maintain his power in accordance with Machiavelli’s principles, but he does not do so ruthlessly or to a degree that is unnecessarily violent, nor with only his own advancement in mind. His goals genuinely are in service of the people he leads, even if the tactics he uses sometimes put them in danger for it. Moreso, I would argue that Flint is a prince who created his own princedom. He took an existing power structure(the pirate council in Blackbeard, Hornigold etc) and took most of the power for himself, either through luck, violence, or political maneuvering. And then he kept it through skill and tactical advantage.

Silver, in contrast to Flint’s new princedom, is truly a ‘prince of the people’. He comes to power through convincing the other pirates that he has their interests at heart - even when he doesn’t. But Silver soon learns that being a well-loved leader is difficult. It isn’t until Silver kills Dufresne and Billy uses that fear to build a legend that ‘Long John Silver’ the pirate king comes into being. Silver learns, just as Flint knew, that in a world or corruption, often leaders need to make sacrifices of things they would have once deemed important. 

(I think it’s also important to note for Silver that his main goal is actually one Machiavelli writes of as being ‘a will of the people’. Silver’s main wish is not to rule, not really. His biggest motivator is ‘to be free’. To not have to make choices based on the will or subjugations of others. And so, he attempts to make the leadership forced upon him into something that frees him - unfortunately for him, Madi is right when she says that the ‘Crown is always a burden’ and it would be truly impossible for him to find the kind of freedom he wishes for while wearing it. Which, honestly, is part of why he ultimately fails in that regard as leader of the revolution.)

In the later seasons we see Flint go through this change in philosophy after he meets Madi and the Maroons. He begins to actually value the lives of the people he leads. When put to the choice of going through with the raid on the Underhill estate despite the risk it poses to the slaves on other plantations, Flint resists the idea. As he tells Madi - it would have cost them far more to ignore the ‘will’ of those people he hoped to lead - the slaves - than it would gain them to go through with the plan. And later, even though he can’t be blind to Max’s sway with Eleanor and the others, unlike Billy (and oh how the mighty have fallen, Mr. Bones!) he doesn’t even seem to consider keeping her rather than trading her for the lives of his other men. He no longer wants to trade a potential political victory for the suffering of those he leads. So, too, when he attempts to trade the cache for the fort, he is doing so with the goal being to not have to put those under his power in danger if there is another option. It is, at least to me, an incredibly moving character arc and one that is so very understated. 

And honestly, I think it’s what *needed* to happen before he could move on from his rage-hate bender and begin to find the sort of peace that one might argue those ‘good’ rulers had. Machiavelli’s principles tend to get in the way of your ability to connect with other people: when you see them just as pawns in a game, friends and foes lose their intrinsic value of just being important on an emotional level. It is only through learning to truly value his partners that Flint can learn how to be a better and more just leader.

Also, this passage in chapter 15 absolutely KILLS me in regards to both Flint, and Thomas Hamilton:

“Men have imagined republics and principalities that never really existed at all. Yet the way men live is so far removed from the way they ought to live that anyone who abandons what is for what should be pursues his downfall rather than his preservation; for a man who strives after goodness in all his acts is sure to come to ruin, since there are so many men who are not good.”

Like bitch!! We get it!! Too much sanity!!! Shut up!!!!!

Anyway, all this to say that you’re absolutely right in seeing parallels between Flint’s style of leadership and a Machiavellian prince - he is absolutely written as a prince-like leader. As are Silver, Rogers, even the Maroon Queen(and Scott and Madi as extensions of her) can be compared to certain rulers in Machiavelli’s archetypes. Even Thomas, who models himself after one of those ‘good emperors’ engenders a type of political leader Machiavelli writes about.

(Also lastly, i want to very quickly point out this guy, Cesare Borgia:

Who was a prince of ‘fortune’ who lost his princedom to trusting the wrong person. What a beard, amirite? What a face. He’s even got the rings! I’m sure this means nothing.)

So basically yeah, Flint is absolutely a Machiavelli bitch. 

[invaderdoom78]

New Moon Night part 2

“So what’s with all of the guns on the wall in the basement?” Bella asked as they sat down to eat the pizza Peter had ordered for them

“Oh, uh, I hunt vampires”

“Really?” Bella asked

“For a few years now. It’s actually how I met Aro”

“So” Bella started taking a bite of her pizza “is it hard killing vampires?”

“It varies from vampire to vampire,” Peter said “but if I get them in the heart right away with my steak gun that normally takes them out”

“Really?” Bella asked raising an eyebrow “Edward told me that vampires can only be killed by dismemberment and setting their bodies on fire”

“That’s true for some of them but if you use something that’s got witch's magic on it then it’ll kill them regardless of their, I guess, species. I could teach you how to shoot a gun if you want”

“...Yes,” Bella said, well aware that Victoria was still a potential threat to her life “uh, where should we go shoot?”

“There’s a spot out in the desert,” Peter said

“Is that legal?” Bella asked

“No idea,” Peter said taking a drink from his soda “but I’m not the only one who uses the spot”

“Ok,” Bella said ignoring the image of Edward that appeared, telling her not to do it

“You wanna pick out the gun?”

“Sure!”

With their lunch finished the two made their way back down to the basement so Bella could pick out her gun. Now Peter didn’t have the most impressive collection of firearms, a couple of shotguns, a revolver, his steak gun, and a wrangler and because of the small selection he was fully expecting Bella to choose the shotgun, especially since it was the best choice when dealing with vampires, but that wasn’t what she picked.

“Where are you two going?” Aro asked eyeing Peter as he put his shotgun and the wrangler Bella had picked out into their carrying cases

“Out to the desert to shoot some guns,” Peter said

“Did you put on sunscreen?” Aro asked already knowing the answer

“No” Peter scoffed

“Do you remember what happened last time?”

Peter did, he’d taken the twins out to shoot as well and when they got back home almost his entire face was burnt and the twins kept insisting on poking at it until it started peeling.

“It’ll be fine”

“No,” Aro said firmly

“...Fine” Peter gave in after a brief staredown with the vampire, walking over to an end table grabbing two bottles of sunscreen out of the drawer “here Bella” he handed her the smaller one

“Thanks”

Walking over to the hall mirror Bella stood in front of it as she put on the sunscreen, watching as Aro tried to help Peter put the sunscreen on his face while the hunter insisted that he could do it himself.

“There,” Peter asked once Aro was done “you happy now?”

“Very,” Aro said smiling

Turning around Bella held out the bottle of sunscreen she’d been holding and was about to set it onto the coffee table, but Aro stopped her.

“Hold on a minute, dear,” Aro said reaching out to wipe in the small amount of sunscreen she’d missed on her cheek, rubbing it in the rest of the way with a gentleness that she never expected from someone like him

Once they reached the spot in the desert Peter realized that he didn’t have any protective wear for Bella to use, so they had to improvise with a pair of Aro’s big sunglasses to protect her eyes as the vampire covered her ears with his hands and just like he did with Jane, Peter showed the young woman how to hold the Wrangler and where to position her feet before she shot at the five soda cans he’d set up; managing to nick all of them on the side.

“You’re a very good shot, dear,” Aro said resting his hand on her shoulders as Peter took the rest of them out with his shotgun

“My dad used to teach me how to shoot his gun a long time ago, but my mom found out and told him to stop”

“Did he teach you anything else?” Aro asked

“You mean like self-defense?” Bella asked setting down her gun “not really”

“Then allow me to show you,” Aro said

The vampire showed her the basics of self-defense poses, having talked Peter into being the practice dummy.

“Good” Aro praised as Bella delivered an elbow strike to Peters jaw, having enough self-control to stop herself from actually hitting her new uncle

Despite how quickly Bella was picking up on the techniques, it was quickly becoming apparent that training out in the middle of the desert probably wasn’t the best idea as it didn’t take much longer after that for Peter and Bella to become coated in sweat, so much so that it had almost completely soaked through their clothing. It was at this point that Peter decided that they should go home and get changed into something that wasn’t going to stick to their skin, both Peter and Bella hopping into the shower when they got home. Stepping out of the bathroom Peter dried his hair off with a towel as Aro sat on the edge of the bed running a brush through his long hair.

“It seems like Bella has settled in rather well,” Aro said

“Yeah,” Peter said tossing the towel at the hamper by his closet door

“I, overheard the conversation you and Bella had earlier,” Aro said as Peter crawled onto their bed

“I figured you did,” Peter said crawling up behind Aro, peppering the vampire's shoulder and the side of his neck with kisses

“We have laws that have been put into place solely to keep the existence of our kind a secret and it clearly states that vampires are not supposed to let themselves be known to humans”

“So should I be worried?

“If you hadn’t befriended Elizabeth then yes. Being what she is, the people that are associated with her and her family have immunity to our laws. Lest we risk facing a half-demon's wrath”

“Is Bella in danger then?” Peter asked resting his chin on the vampire's shoulder

“That depends,” Aro said taking hold of Peters wrists wrapping his human's arms around his waist leaning back into the embrace

“On what?”

“Whether or not the Cullens have any enemies”

“What about your lot?”

“Well if one of my guards discovers her she will be brought back to Volterra for a trial to determine whether or not she will be turned or executed” he felt Peter tense up behind him “don’t worry darling if it ever does come to that I will make sure that her life is spared and that she has a home in the castle”

“It's a good thing she wants to be turned then”  

“You know, you really are so much more caring than you want people to believe” Aro hummed “it's rather sweet actually; you treating Jane and Alec as if they were your own, helping Amy through getting the polluted blood out of her, reassuring your friend Charley that she would be safe. It’s a good thing I was able to snatch you up when I did”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, darling” Aro said nuzzling Peters cheek “just thinking”

Aro untangled himself from Peter's arms and got off the bed.

“Where’re you going?” Peter asked reaching out for the vampire

“The day is still young,” Aro said softly, placing a kiss on Peter's forehead knowing what he wanted

Flopping back onto the bed Peter watched Aro walk out of the room. Groaning Peter forced himself to get off the bed and get dressed before going out to the living room where he saw Bella and Aro sitting on the couch together, the vampire brushing her semi-dry hair. Sitting in front of them was the chest he kept all of his movies in, Bella looking through his collection.

“You have any preferences?” Peter asked taking a seat on the couch with them

“I like Stephen King stuff”

“I have Stephen King, but Lizzy has The Shining and all the IT movies so I’d need to get them from her” Peter said pulling out his phone so he could ask her for the movies

“Oh” Bella started but was interrupted by the front door opening and Lizzy stepping through, holding the DVDs “you don…”

“Here,” Lizzy said tossing the cases to Peter 

“Thanks, bitch” Peter said, catching them noticing how Lizzy and Bella were kinda staring at each other “that’s Bella. Bella this is Lizzy”

“Hi,” Bella said

“What’re the kids doing tomorrow?” Peter asked

“I think they’re all off,” Lizzy said, still looking at Bella like she was trying to piece some things together “why?”

“I’m trying to help Bella find a hobby”

“Cool,” Lizzy said giving Aro a two-finger salute before she left

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Aro said standing up

“Oh come on,” Peter said, grabbing the vampire's sleeve “at least watch The Shining or Misery with us. I’m sure you’ll like them”

“Alright” Aro sighed

“I’ll make some popcorn then,” Peter said standing up walking back to the kitchen, waiting for the popcorn to pop when Lizzy texted him

                                           Demon Bitch (Lizzy)

So has Bella shown any interest in vampires?

                                                        Yeah she said she wants to be turned

                                              And Aro told me he cant see her thoughts

That makes sense. 

One of her great grandparents was either a vampire themselves or one of their parents was a vampire so that’s why she can use her mental ability as a human and why she’s so keen on being turned. The vampire part of her DNA is calling out because of how close she’s become to, who I’m assuming are the Cullens as they’re the only coven I’m aware of that live up in that area of the US. It’ll probably also make the transition and blood lust easier.

                                                                    You gotta be fucking kidding me

No

                               The fuck am I supposed to do with that information

Just thought I’d let you know.

🍑💨

“Ok,” Peter said, slipping the phone back into his pocket “Lizzy’s sending me farts again!”

“You are the one that decided to befriend her” Aro called back from the couch

“You say that like it’s my fault”

“Would you rather her come and do it in the house?”

“No,” Peter said walking back into the living room with popcorn

Aro only stuck around long enough to watch Misery as while he did agree that it was a good adaptation and movie he still preferred the books. It was about midnight when Aro noticed that Peter hadn’t come back to bed yet, so he got up and walked out to the living room, spotting  Peter and Bella both asleep on the couch, Peter slumped back into it, head tilted back, Bella slumped against his side.

“Oh” Aro chuckled quietly approaching the piece of furniture

Picking up the remote Aro turned off the TV before gently lifting Bella off of the couch making sure not to wake either as he moved the young woman to her temporary room, tucking her under the covers before back out and doing the same for Peter. The next morning Bella woke up more confused than Peter had, as he was used to it at this point, wondering how she’d ended up in bed when she remembered falling asleep on the couch. Kicking off the blankets Bella changed into her clothes and went out into the kitchen, looking through the fridge to see if she could find anything that she could make for breakfast when Peter came out of his room wearing his sleep pants.

“Morning” Peter yawned getting to work making himself some coffee

“Morning” Bella said, grabbing a carton of eggs “where’s Aro?”

“Taking a shower,” Peter said watching as Bella started cooking some eggs for them 

Taking a seat at the counter Peter pulled out his phone, scrolling through it as he waited for the eggs to finish cooking when Aro came out of the bedroom, fully dressed and looking like he was ready to go traveling.

“Where’re you going?” Peter asked, eyeing the vampire 

“I have to go back to Italy” Aro sighed grabbing his cloak out of the closet by the door

“For how long?”

“Hopefully not long” Aro said placing one hand on his humans cheek placing a kiss on the other before walking over to Bella “it was wonderful meeting you” he hugged her “take care and maybe we’ll meet again”

“Maybe” Bella said, feeling a bit saddened that the vampire was leaving so early as despite Edwards warnings about him she had grown to enjoy the vampires company

Giving Peter one more kiss Aro stepped out of the house so he could head off for Italy.

“So do you wanna go over to Lizzy’s today?” Peter asked pouring himself another cup of coffee 

“Sure” Bella said as Peter grabbed a key out of the bowl by the front door 

Aro called several hours after Bella had left.

“Hey” Peter said, answering his phone as he slouched on the couch watching his T.V. “how was the flight?”

“Fine” Aro sighed “though I don’t see why I was needed. This was a simple matter. How is Bella doing?”

“She’s out with Michael and the others” 

“Oh good” Aro said, the smile obvious in his voice, “is she getting along with them?”

“Don’t know. I haven’t heard from her since she left” Peter said noticing Bella as she stepped into the house out of the corner of his eye “hey I gotta go Bella just came back”

“Alright, good bye, darling”

“Bye” Peter said, looking at the fading cut on Bella’s cheek “the hell happened?”

“I killed a ghoul and then Eleanor made us dinner. Here” Bella said handing Peter a tupperware container “she told me to give this to you” 

“Cool” Peter said taking the container 

“What have you been doing?” Alice demanded storming into the living room from the basement door “why haven’t I been able to see you and then all of a sudden I see you being attacked by that thing and now Edward thinks you’re dead!” 

“Who the fuck are you and how the fuck did you get into my house!” Peter demanded, mentally going over where he’d hidden the guns on this level of the house, moving so that he was between Bella and Alice 

“Alice?” Bella asked confused “what are you doing here?”

“Edwards going to the Volturi!” Alice said, eyebrows furrowed “he wants to die too” 

“Realy?” Peter asked looking unamused “he breaks up with her the way he did and his first thought when he thinks she’s dead is to kill himself not, oh I don’t know, call Charlie and ask about it or even come back to investigate it himself?”

“Apparently” Alice shrugged “but we don’t have time to think about it!” Edward plans on revealing himself so the Volturi will kill him”

“Alright” Bella sighed “I’ll help”

“Wot?” Peter asked looking at Bella in disbelief 

“Can you wait for me out in the car” Bella said to Alice who did what she was asked 

“Ok I get it” Peter said, placing his hands on Bella's shoulders “I get it, but for the love of God don’t take him back. If he really does want to get back together with you make him work for it” he pulled her into a hug “and be careful. I have no idea what might happen over there and Aro can only do so much”

“I will”

“Call me when you get there” 

“Ok” Bella said before hurrying out of the house

Bella P.O.V.

I can do this. I thought to myself as Alice tore out of Peters driveway. I can face Edward again and even if something does happen I have Peter to turn to, he knew what I had going through and I had new friends now, ones that I didn’t have to lie to about Edward or werewolves or anything that has happened to me since I got to Forks. And if worse did come I had two options one, I could agree to be turned and live in Voltera with Aro or I could tell them about Lizzy and maybe that would give me some type of immunity, for now, but that option could also bring up some issues with Edward and his family especially considering how hostile the relationship between werewolves and vampires is, I can only imagine that it might be the same with witches and demons and that could create a whole other layer of problems. Either way the next few hours would definitely prove to be interesting.

[fan-clan-fun]

I have zero self control

Here I am back at it again with new fanclans!!

I literally spent three hours thinking about this as I helped a friend move to a new apartment, its nice to have something to think about while hauling boxes. 

Anyway! Thanks to the anon who mentioned medievalish clans, I wanted to give another go (kinda) to one of my older ideas for a medieval clan, but it’s kinda turned out different than I intended.

First I determined that I wanted to use a sort of hereditary monarchy sort of thing, although its a bit different, and I wanted these clans to be the ones to finally use my list of deities I came up with forever ago.

My thinking was definitely not linear, so I will attempt to pull a coherent train of thought out of the mess.

The Basics:

There are two clans, Dawnclan and Duskclan, named for where their territory is (Dawnclan to the east, Duskclan to the west) and the order of their formation (Dawn first and Dusk second).  Duskclan was formed after a dispute of leadership caused an almost half and half split in the clan and the disgruntled party left. 

The leadership of the clans is based on a specific concept, that was started back when the clan was first founded. The clans are led by a Monarch and their consort. The Monarch must be close blood (child, sibling, niece/nephew, cousin) to the previous Monarch and descended from the original line of the founding cats (Mother Misty). The Consort does not have to be their mate, nor do they have to love each other, but they serve as a team in guiding the clan. One of the pair is in charge of things outside of camp (hunting, patrolling, etc), while the other is in charge of things inside camp (maintenance, keeping kits occupied and educated, ensuring everyone has the supplies they need, etc). It does not matter which of the pair does this, either monarch or consort may choose either job, but they may not each do the same one. The only other requirement, is that the monarch must provide heirs, either through their body, or if that is not possible through other means of close family. 

Part of the differences between Dawnclan and Duskclan, is that they see who is eligible for this duo differently. Dawnclan could care less if its a cis male/female pairing, or any other under the sun, such as a lesbian or gay or nontraditional pair, so long as they can find a way to have heirs. But Duskclan insists it must be a male/female (can be trans) partnership, as they see it as an issue of balance, as well as the consort must be clan born and bred. This is due to the fact that what broke the original clan in two was that the female monarch took an infertile (spayed) female consort and had no intention of producing kits, expecting their sibling to provide. The soon to be leader of Duskclan took issue with this, and left. 

Dawnclan says that the reason for the split was because the leader of Duskclan was a sore loser, which to some degree he was. Because the way it is decided which of the Monarch’s relatives (with preference towards children, siblings, and nieces/nephews) will become the next monarch, is that those who wish to become monarch must submit to a challenge. Either the potential Heir or their consort (whichever plans to be in charge of outside the camp), will engage in a duel (or tournament if there are enough challengers) to determine the rightful heir. The duels are until first visible blood, a sign that the cat is willing to shed blood for their clan if necessary, and forming a pact in blood between the challengers even if they have lost. So when the leader of Duskclan lost to his sister, he refused to live under her rule, gathered supporters who agreed with him, and left.

Clan Ranks/Culture:

So as I mentioned before, I do want to use the deities I had made before, and as a result, Im fiddling a little with ranks. 

Instead of just Medicine cats, there are two ranks:

Healer: These are your traditional medicine cats, but with the added duties of memorizing clan trees and bloodlines and the basic history of the clans, such as the great events and when they occurred, the wars, etc.

Clerics: These are the cats who take charge of religious teachings, of signs a prophecies, and most religious ceremonies. They are the ones who bestow favor on a new monarch, they are the ones who tell the moral stories of heroes and villains, they are the counselors and support for the cats in their clan. 

Sometimes the duties of both Clerics and Healers intercept, and they have at times been at odds, but they usually resolve their differences. 

There are always at least 2 of each at all times, but its not uncommon for each clan to have 3-4 Healers or Clerics. They cant risk the knowledge being lost, so they take the necessary precautions.

There is also a special rank, known as the Knights.

These are generally 3-4 cats who are known to be the absolute best at what they do. They are considered the Monarch and Consort’s Honor Guard, their personal envoys, their paws, their ears, their voices, etc. Usually each Knight has a distinct set of skills, though they are still well rounded, but their is generally the best fighter, and the other three might be the best tracker, or the most stealthy, or the best hunter, or the most eloquent and diplomatic, etc. Knights often are considered to be very desirable as mates (male or female since knights can be either), and its not uncommon for them to be chosen as consorts by potential heirs (In fact in Duskclan most consorts were Knights at one point). Knights do rotate out over time (or don’t make it to retirement due to being in a position of danger more than anyone else) based on the Monarch’s needs and desires, but they keep the title Champion even after they are no longer a Knight, in honor of their service.

How the clans were originally founded:

So this was just a thought I had, that the clans came originally from a clowder, who’s leader, Misty, accepted and allowed her mate to stay. Most clowders often either have one lead male who will chase away or kill kits or other cats he doesnt like, but Dusty was different. He was still fiercely protective of his mate and kits, but he wasn’t aggressive. Other females felt safe around him. And when his Misty’s kits were born and being raised, her daughter Rain convinced her to give other toms a chance too. So before even a clan was established, before names were being changed, the idea of mentoring and apprenticeships was there. Dusty or some of the other females would mentor kits, and if a male could make it through apprenticeship without showing dangerous aggressive tendencies he was allowed to stay. So soon the clowder had not just one male, but several, and it started to grow.

When Misty finally retired, Rain took over, and she chose her own consort to help lead with her, named Beetle. Then they gathered their group together and named themselves officially as a clan (not Dawnclan, that would come later). Together they decided on rules and regulations (the original code), so that they could begin to interact with outsiders and potentially allow them in. It was a much smaller code than canon, and its main tenants included not harming kits, not being aggressive towards one another unless in defense, and that everything in the clan was shared and that the weakest and most vulnerable should get first choice. Over time it evolved to include more, but that was the very start.

Religion came with the next generation, at Misty’s death, when the old stories of the gods took on a new light. Mothers began teaching their kits about Misty as an incarnation of Mehr, the primal mother deity, the one which most cats had heard of and acknowledged. The other god which was taught was the deity of chaos and death, which was a natural counterpoint to Mehr as the deity of birth and life. The other deities evolved over time as new roles and ranks became important. Some took on more real life energy as certain cats were considered incarnations of them, like Misty had been.

Funnily enough, Dawnclan considers the founder of Duskclan to be the incarnation of Hissao, the betrayer. 

As for medicine.... well Im not sure, this is as far as I got thinking wise, and I just needed to write it down before I forgot so... yeah. If people like this I might write more about it, Im liking what I have so far, and I never could tell myself to stop. 

[shock]

U said Piper was in heat, do u mind if I asked why you don't have her fixed? Getting them fixed makes them not go in heat anymore doesn't it?

No worries! whenever I mention it I expect questions.

theres a few reasons.

first, my last dog Knockout had a pediatric spay done. it ended up being one of the factors that led to her not developing properly, she was spayed too young at the insistence of a previous vet who responded to my discomfort with belittling and dismissal. it's made me a lot more cautious about an altering procedure and led to a lot more research for my next dog.

second, piper was a dog bred with purpose according to her breed, where her parents were chosen specifically for temperament, health, drive, working ability... basically, she comes from a long list of healthy working dogs. same goes for piper, she'll have the same tests done.

i mention this for a few reasons: if piper's health tests come through with good results, and she doesn't end up having anything else that could be passed on genetically that would negatively impact her or her puppies, she could potentially be a really awesome dog for a breeding program. she's an incredibly well-rounded dog with great drive, she's smart and intuitive, is a great at-home companion as well as a working dog (at least by what she's shown so far). she lacks the dog aggression that you find a lot in the breed, and is gentle and good at recognizing boundaries with kids and other animals (note: she's not ever left unsupervised with either of those because at the end of the day she's still a JRT and I'm not gonna set her up for failure lol!). basically, if everything turns out right, she might be bred. Depends on so many factors, but it's still a possibility.

Third, and this is a personal philosophy, the conclusion I've come to after my research and many discussions with my current vet (and several other vets) is that I'm not going to put my dog through anything medically unnecessary to avoid some inconvenience on my part. she's not left unsupervised, not put in danger, when she's in heat we have a different schedule because I don't trust other dogs or owners to control their dogs (especially because theres such a persistent myth that you cant train stable dogs to have manners and control themselves around a dog in heat), I don't want to put her in a stressful situation, but I feel competent in my ability to keep her safe, to make educated decisions for her, to have trained her to the point that her stress is limited as possible for when this does happen...

at the end of my day, whatever is healthiest for piper is what will be done. my vet and i have both agreed that until a health issue comes up where altering her is the best choice for her, she's fine as she is. as she ages, it will definitely be done later in her life as the risks outweigh the benefits past a certain point. Right now, she's still developing physically and hormonally. even if I decide not to breed her, she won't be spayed until she's fully developed or with good medical reason because that's what we've decided on.

I'm all about breeding of dogs being limited to what I believe is ethical, which is supporting efforts to bring healthy dogs with a purpose into the world over unhealthy and unstable ones. knockout's life and death impacted a lot of my beliefs about dogs, and that's just where I'm at right now. hope that makes sense!

[friendshipcampaign]

Session Recap 10/12/19: Prima Materia

In the morning, the party found they had several messages waiting for them from the Gatekeepers. 

Erwyn’s, from Palava, read:

dear erwyn,

we interacted with the raliv mercantile co when we were in veritas. one of a number of individuals promising aid to the city in exchange for increased political clout. spokesperson for the company was huxley emberbraid montfort, a noble from mardros. cant say i liked him much, but i find it hard to like anyone who sees a tragedy as a way to make themselves richer and more powerful. ive heard vilars name but dont know much about her. we were certainly not aware of any infernal ties or we would have warned you and done our best to warn the city as well exclamation point. what information do you have about this cult and its potential ties to veritas question mark. weve all been stretched so thin that we havent been able to do much in the way of preventative investigation im sorry to say. its hard enough to keep up with the active breaches. find out what you can, but do be careful. demons and devils are always out for each others blood, and they wont be picky about who gets caught in the crossfire. 

also, violetta should have mentioned it in her message to voski, but one of our friends has been detecting some increased planar distortions around veritas. it looks like someones trying very hard to start another breach. if we figure out where they are, we should still be able to nip it in the bud, but we think theyve mounted some magical defenses to make it more difficult to pinpoint. keep us informed and watch out for yourself, 

alembic and palava

Ditto had a message waiting for her as well, from Hubris, that elaborated on her research question from before.

ditto, quick research update. 

ive found very little but im going to keep digging exclamation point. everything pre fourth era is pretty spotty of course unless you want to go bothering ozogot the black. plenty of references to the devotion of the citizens of veritas but nearly nothing about what they were devoted to. 

one interesting thing is the account of the gnomish historian gibberty booklore chatterjack penner squirrelchase yapp gallbug townkeeper talltale tallyho prickingbone, whose books were blessed to remain indelible in the face of magic that distorts memories and history. she mentions going to a high temple on her visit to the city and remarks on the devotion of the humans who live there when she visited during the reign of king ulfgar the stern beneath the mountains. when she returned some years later after the third skeleton war, which saw the temporary takeover of the city by the lichlord saerevon, she instead discusses how strange it is that no deity seems able to maintain a strong presence in veritas, and that none has done so as long as anyone remembers. it could be an issue of incorrect or fragmentory histories surviving, but i would focus investigations on the transitional period between the fourth and fifth eras. 

other accounts from the same period suggest that by then worship had transferred to the divine messenger whose image persists to this day, and that the deity themselves was kept secret if not already forgotten. if she was worshiped as a mystery cult theyve done a very good job of covering their records. if her name had already been lost, gibbertys texts suggest that theres something fishy going on. seems that veritas has always been a city of mysteries exclamation point. will keep searching semicolon its time to get into some of the fringe theorists which should be quite a ride. 

cheers, hubris

Finally, Voski also had a message waiting, from Violetta, reading:

kasia, re: karin mordechai

karin mordechai unknown. could be alias or figurehead. provide names and descriptions of associates and i will cross reference them with known entities. note readings indicate increased instability in veritas. spike on night of blomhath twentieth. attempt to identify source and neutralize if possible. can provide backup for strike but not extended investigation.

In preparation for their next plans, Ditto asked Tiktik if they would be alright doing some spying for the group and if she could turn them into a beetle. They told her she would have to bribe them, but they were willing, and she promised them chicken in exchange for their service before transforming them into a small insect.

The party decided that in order to keep the demons watching them from realizing where they had taken Tenny, they would turn Amaranth invisible, then give her the demiplane (with Tenny inside) to take into Grankhul’s Rest to drop the girl off and explain the situation. Once Ditto had cast Invisibility on her, they headed out and started making their way towards the inn -- followed by a large row of demonic pigeons who were keeping pace with them as they went. With the rest of the party keeping them distracted, though, Amaranth was able to break away from the rest of the group and sneak inside the inn.

Inside, she saw Selfish Dann reading a book by the fireplace and decided she’d prefer to have this conversation with the tiefling of the inn’s group. She spoke up once she was nearby, startling him. She explained she was invisible, but that she’d like to talk somewhere private, and he suggested they go to the basement. Once there, Amaranth explained that the party had someone that needed looking after, and they thought the inn’s caretakers would be the best equipped of anyone they could ask to deal with the kind of danger she was in. When Dann asked for details, she explained some of Tenny’s situation, and he agreed they could take care of her.

Amaranth opened the demiplane to see an eclectic arrangement of decor that Tenny had come up with while getting transported. She complimented the girl’s taste and Tenny told her not to let the others make the place boring, if they could make whatever they wanted. Amaranth then led her out to meet Selfish Dann, who promised Amaranth that they would take good care of her. 

After leaving Grankhul’s Rest, Amaranth caught up with the rest of the party. Still invisible, she jumped up behind Kriv and tried to startle him, causing the dragonborn to reflexively elbow her and Erwyn, despite the distance, to startle and slightly jump. Once she had reappeared, the group started to make their way to a place near the exclusion zone, so that Ditto could send Tiktik to fly overhead and see what they could beyond the walls. On their way up she took the chance to gaze through their eyes and got a view of a goopy, black, stagnant lake with things moving below the surface. A group of workers, watched over by burnished metal constructs, were trying to skim algae from the water’s surface. Eventually, Tiktik reported back that they had reached a point above the exclusion zone that had kept them from going forward -- like a painful magical force that repelled them away from it. 

Moving to their next location, the party passed the Blacks’ smithing shop. It had clearly taken damage from the recent attack of bones, but from the sounds inside it seemed to still be operating. They then arrived near enough the workhouse that they could try sending Tiktik inside, though once they had gone in the party kept walking a little so as not to be too near its vicinity. They decided the elephant statue was a good place to casually hang around and parked there for a bit. Kriv pulled out a sketchbook to do a little drawing of it while they waited.

Eventually Tiktik returned, speaking quickly to Ditto about everything they’d just seen. Apparently once they passed the room with the nervous-looking clerk some of the party members had met before, they’d found themselves in a nice office, where a halfling woman was talking to a fire genasi man, the latter fiddling around with some kind of weird fork. After that they had picked up on a weird draft coming from a bookcase that, when they investigated further, had a door behind it, leading to a room with some kind of magic circle on the floor. They then backtracked through the last couple of rooms to make their way to the cell block, which had a door at the end that was being guarded by a large construct that lead to a row of higher-security cells, with thicker walls and more constructs milling about.

With one more destination for Tiktik to snoop around in mind, the party next headed towards the mayor’s house. Tiktik went through the gates while the rest of them kept their distance and waited for them to return. After quite a lot of waiting, though, it became clear that something must have happened, as the familiar never returned. When Ditto tried to summon them back to her, nothing happened. So the group took a detour at Knife’s shop, which wasn’t too far away, where Ditto asked her friend if she could cast the spell to bring them back. Knife let her use his upstairs room to do the summoning.

Ditto brought Tiktik back in cat form and they bounded into her as soon as they’d been summoned. They explained that there had been a wyvern inside the stables behind the Mayor’s house, and it had chomped them before they could get away. The two of them headed downstairs to return to the others and Ditto thanked Knife for the use of his quarters. He assured her they were open to her anytime.

The party’s next order of business was to find a new place to stay for the night. Hoping to follow up on Nilo’s other recommendation, they went to The Pig’s Eye in order to ask Frileg where the Thirsty Sage was, as it didn’t seem to be along Keeper’s Row with all the other inns. She said she knew where it usually was, but warned them to be careful, as it seemed to pop in and out of existence unpredictably. Apparently the place was an old wizard’s tower, now run as an inn by an eccentric goblin, and sometimes people would go in for a night and turn up weeks later terribly confused. She attributed Nilo’s success with the place to his halfling luck.

They followed Frileg’s directions and found that the Thirsty Sage was in fact there for the moment. The building itself had a chimney with multicolored smoke billowing out of it and a heavy metal door which, when they knocked on it, was flung open enthusiastically by a manic-looking one-eyed goblin in a blue robe covered in golden stars and matching hat. The goblin ushered them in and did their best to give a tour, pointing out some of the strange magic paraphernalia decorating the place, but it was deeply clear they had very little idea what they were talking about. The group talked with them for a bit about accommodations, but were still hesitant about the idea. Erwyn and Amaranth in particular voiced concerns about what would happen if they weren’t so lucky in the time department, and in the end, they decided it was too risky and bid the goblin proprietor farewell. In parting, they told the group their name was the Acrimonious Bimbimble.

No extra time had passed when the party emerged, fortunately. They returned to the Pig’s Eye and Ditto asked Frileg if she had any other ideas about places in the city that might be safe to stay. As Ditto rambled, the dwarven woman gave her a glass of ale -- which she largely ignored and Amaranth finished -- but unfortunately her only ideas we either the Slumbering Grell or some boardinghouses she knew were receptive to people on the run from certain things.

The group quietly decided they would just need to find an alleyway or other place to lay low for the night. Amaranth started noting the beggar’s marks she saw on some of the abandoned storefronts in the city, looking for one pointing to a likely spot. There were more empty buildings than usual in the wake of the disaster, with some of the citizens of Veritas having decided to cut their losses and flee, so she soon found a good candidate in a building accessed by an alleyway, with a secure basement behind a shuttered door. On seeing it wasn’t clearly occupied, the party decided it would be where they retreated that evening -- and indeed, decided they would lie low there for a little before meeting with Tress that evening. Tiktik wove their way around the party members as they did, as if to seek attention for having done dangerous things for them all earlier.

As the hour of Candling arrived, the party made their way to Inner Truths for their appointment with Tress. She was waiting for them, petting Palette’s filigreed exterior. She greeted them, saying that the project had been much more interesting than she’d been expecting, and that she thought they might want to discuss things privately. Somewhat suspiciously, Kriv tried a quick Divine Sense, but felt nothing unusual. Her enthusiasm was more familiar, however, to Voski.

Tress lead them to her back room and shut the door. Inside, a table had been laid out with supplies and tools for an experiment: the leaf Erwyn had given her, several different vials, a basin with assorted arcane sigils carved in the top, a houseplant, and another glass vial containing a few flies. She explained that she’d been able to identify a partial transfiguration effect turning parts of the leaf to graphite. She snapped it in half to demonstrate these properties, revealing that it was only the outer shell that had calcified, while the inner layer still consisted of dying plant matter.

She went on to say that that the tincture they’d given her was primarily water with a little alcohol in it, and had the remains of a very low-level light spell on it -- a common practice by snake-oil salesmen to make their product appear magical when it really wasn’t. She then held out a glass vial with the remains of some particulate in it, which was left over once she’d distilled the tincture down, and added that she had absolutely no idea what it was.

Tress said that she’d been testing the properties of the material, using an alchemist’s vessel to multiply the quantity to perform experiments. She said she was going to perform a demonstration of this process, but that the magic would only be in effect for a short time, and asked them to save their “questions, comments, and shocked gasps” until the end.

She scooped some of the particulate onto a small bone tool, added it to the vessel with the sigils, then poured in some water and swirled it around. Taking a leaf from the healthy plant, she dipped it into this compound, where it immediately turned to graphite. She dropped this leaf on the floor and it shattered instantly. Next, she took a dead fly from the bottom of the insect vial and dipped it into the basin as well. There was no effect. She extracted another fly, this one live. When the live fly was dipped into the compound, it instantly turned to graphite the way the leaf had. She then took a leaf from a different vial, where it had been soaking in the remnants of the tincture, and dipped it. This one hardened and turned to graphite as well, but when she dropped it, it didn’t shatter the way the first leaf had. 

Finally, Tress took a small knife. “I did already bleed for this, if there is another volunteer,” she said meaningfully.

Erwyn offered his hand and she pricked it. When his blood mixed with the tincture, it turned to the same graphite substance as the leaf and the living fly had. She looked a bit surprised at this, then turned to Voski.

“Kasia,” she asked. “Are they going to be weird about it?”

Voski reassured Tress her companions could exercise discretion. Tress proceeded to prick her own finger with the knife. A drop of her blood welled up, dark blue-black, and when it hit the mixture in the basin, it didn’t turn to graphite like Erwyn’s had. Instead, it turned to gold. 

The tincture mixture seemed to evaporate from the vessel as the magic effect amplifying it ran out. Tress commented that the demonstration hadn’t been exactly what she was expecting, but she should have assumed there might be more variables.

With questions now open, the party asked her opinion on what might have been in the vials, mentioning the people peddling the tinctures claimed they had ingredients sourced from the elemental planes. She said it was hard to verify that for certain, though the water certainly wasn’t plane-touched, and added that whatever was causing the transformation was highly diluted in the tinctures themselves. She also pointed out that, as had been clear from her demonstration with the leaves, immediate, quick exposure caused the transformation to be more brittle, whereas the prolonged dosage seemed to result in a more stable, gradual process.

The group began to discuss possible motivations behind the revelation. It was obvious that the tinctures wouldn’t persist as a fad if they had such visible negative effects, so diluting the effect ensured a wider exposure for whatever purpose the sellers had in mind. Erwyn pointed out that with everything else going on in Veritas, there were certainly other things people might blame ill effects on, like the background energy from the Abyss all over the city. Ditto also brought up that it was already well-known people were mysteriously going missing, so it was possible some of the worst effects were being hidden. Tress added that at the dosage people seemed to be taking of the tinctures, it would likely take several weeks or even a month or two for them to notice any reaction. She noted, though, that she hadn’t been able to perform any longitudinal studies, and it was always possible that at a certain point the effects could speed up.

Ditto, unable to contain herself, finally burst out asking Tress what her deal was, since her blood had reacted so differently. Tress sighed and replied that she was an air genasi -- underscored by the fact that, where she had cut her finger, there was now smeared makeup revealing blue-tinted skin -- and asked the party not to make a big deal about it. She said that while her blood’s reaction to the tincture was interesting, she couldn’t imagine there were enough other genasi in the city to make it worth their while. Erwyn wondered if it might be a quality of plane-touched individuals in general, and Kriv asked if she would be willing to do the experiment again, looking at Amaranth as he spoke. Tress said she would need another tincture, but was willing, and would be working late that evening if they were able to get one by then.

The party departed for the Pig’s Eye after that. When they got there, Nilo had not yet arrived. Sparrow was there, however, and came over to Amaranth, offering to buy her a drink. Ditto gave Amaranth a surreptitious thumbs-up while Kriv, teasingly, stuck his tongue out instead.

The drow demon who had been frequenting the place arrived soon after, looking somewhat less nervous than she usually did. She took a seat in the corner and beckoned Voski over. At this, Voski ordered the drink with Underdark fruit syrup the demon had recommended to her the night before, then took it and sat down with her to talk.

The yochlol told Voski that she had talked with her Lady and was more comfortable speaking openly now that Voski wasn’t such a stranger. She also said that the Lady had something to ask of Voski, as repayment for granting her blessing -- commenting that it seemed she was having some trouble protecting her “investment” as she glanced over at Erwyn.

She said she and some of her companions had been transporting an item to a city in the Underdark, but had been caught in Veritas when the current situation erupted. She and her companions (several drow, who she feared had perished) were taking a detour through the markets when the portal opened, and the artifact had been lost or stolen in the chaos. She had since been unable to reclaim it or find anyone to assist her in doing so, as it was lost in the exclusion zone and everyone she’d attempted to hire had proven unreliable.

Voski asked if, since they had been caught so off guard, this meant the Lady hadn’t had a hand in the events in Veritas. The yochlol explained that this breach didn’t seem to have been planned by any known power in the Abyss, and whatever had broken through had kept to itself enough that the other demons weren’t certain which layer had even caused it. She also admitted, when pressed, that she too was trapped inside the city by the barrier that was keeping the other demons in. Lolth had other ways of extracting her, but she couldn’t return empty-handed.

Finally Voski asked about the artifact. The yochlol said she was looking for a magical harp, finely constructed and very important to Lolth, as it was used in several rituals down in the Underdark. While it was missing, she could tell it wasn’t destroyed, thanks to her connection to Lolth. 

After explaining that she was hoping Voski could retrieve it, she offered her a silver brooch in the shape of a spider, set with purple and blood-red stones, which she said would signify to other demons that Lolth had a vested interest in her and, perhaps, encourage them to leave her alone. She commented that Lolth found her amusing, and would prefer if she didn’t die. Voski accepted the brooch and tucked it away into her armor, though she added that she didn’t subcontract and would not enlist any of the others to search on Lolth’s behalf. But, since they were headed into the exclusion zone soon enough, she would try to take a look around while she was there.

As she rose to leave, Voski realized they’d never properly introduced themselves to each other and asked the yochlol if there was any name she wanted Voski to call her by. The demon shrugged and said she didn’t see the point. Voski nodded, then invited her to tell her Lady that Voski intended to survive, with or without her help. Then she added that the drink the yochlol had recommended was surprisingly good.

“Right?” the demon said.

Voski returned to the others, who were enjoying the music of the one-armed bard, Meg, who had played there the night before. Erwyn was sipping from another glass of milk, conjured earmuffs from Ditto present yet again, and Amaranth continued chatting with Sparrow until Nilo and Clarity finally showed up. When the pair finally entered the tavern, Nilo was clad in his “work clothes” -- a combination of dark roguish attire and dozens upon dozens of different good luck charms, ranging from onions to holy symbols rubbed with lamp-black so they were less obvious -- and somehow still moving silently. He was clearly ready for crimes.

[magical-agatha]

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

[ghostandblog]

Talking about Movies

FF / AO3

Summary: Bored in the library, Hannah and Barbara play a small game thinking about their friends.

Pairing: Sucy/Akko, Hannah/Amanda, Barbara/Lotte ( all characters are mentioned but not all appear, this is mostly about H&B talking).

Word count: 1,890

“Alright, let’s start with…Diana.”

Hannah’s tone is low, almost like a whisper, despite the library being pretty much empty. She looks at her friend with an inquisitive look.

Barbara rests her hand on her chin, with a concentrated expression as she thinks of their overachieving roommate. She considers her proper body posture, aristocrat upbringing, and the way she always goes for the most complex words at the moment of talking, which Barbara was sure it was a conscious decision on her part. It reminds her of black and white films, stories of powerful yet vulnerable heroes, beautifully designed yet simple dresses, and a sense of elegance that is just absent in most modern movies. With a clear answer on her mind, she looks back at Hannah.

“Diana would be… Classic Hollywood.”

Hannah raises her eyebrow a little bit. “That’s an odd connection.”

“Not at all, it makes perfect sense. Think of her as…Gone with the Wind or Citizen Kane”. Once she figures that her redheaded friend is convinced, she clasps her fingers together with a small smirk. “Alright, my turn. Give me a movie genre for… Amanda.”

Hannah narrows her eyes for a moment. “Amanda…Amanda would be adventure films. Movies that provide an… exciting sense of wonder. Purposely throwing yourself to danger in order to find new experiences, marvelously choreographed action scenes. You know, stories about the discoveries of ancient secrets and hidden treasures that also would lead to the discovery of…new aspects of yourself.” Hannah feels her lips forming a smile, then looks at Barbara’s grinning expression and worries that she may have flattered their american classmate a bit too much. “B-but there would not be, like, anything meaningful in them! always B-rated flicks with zero substance, yeah! That’s Amanda.”

She looks around them, worried that maybe she spoke a little too loud, but finds the library as empty as it was when they came for their now-paused study session. Hoping that her blush isn’t too noticeable, Hannah points at Barbara.

“Your turn now! Constanze?”

Barbara giggles a little bit, this was definitely a no-brainer. “Well duh, science fiction movies!” Giant robots, scientists working on their laboratories creating complex machines. Barbara entertains the idea that the short girl’s birthplace and silent nature is reminiscent of german expressionism cinema, but she knows she may be reaching with that one. “Jasminka?”

Hannah lets out a mocking chuckle. “I dunno. The cooking channel?”. After both share a small laugh, she tries to give a more thoughtful response. “But like, seriously, there is a sort of…warmth in her, you know? Always offering a tiny bit of what she’s eating, always with that calm smile of hers, it kind of reminds me of those feel-good movies that you watch as a kid with your parents, the ones with happy endings no matter what, or no matter how cheesy. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, if you will.”

Barbara nods, not really having anything to add.

Hannah raises her eyebrow again, this time placing a hand under her chin. “Now what would Lotte be?”

Barbara’s mind goes back to the finnish girl and remembers how she got to know her better thanks to their shared interest in Nightfall. She thinks of impossible love stories, star-crossed lovers, and above all, stories of girls that at some point may have been perceived as plain-looking or invisible, but later prove themselves beautifully unique and irreplaceable to the eyes of the previously dismissive hero. Unlike Hannah, she is not ashamed of her blushing face neither tries to hide it. She lets out a sigh before speaking.

“Lotte would be romance. Definitely.”

“Hehe. Of course she would.”

“You now. How about…Kagari?”

Hannah blinks, not really sure what to say at first, then finds a clear answer just by looking at Barbara’s smirk, knowing for sure that she is thinking the same thing as her.

“Comedy!”, they both say almost in unison, covering the giggling with their hands, more like a habit than a genuine attempt at keeping it quiet.

Atsuko Kagari. Always tripping over something, always making a mistake in her potions that resulted in some kind of explosion and her face covered in ashes. It’s like she was born to make every situation around her funny, and her almost negative intellect didn’t help, either. Everything she did was a source of laughs. Comedy certainly suited her alright.

Hannah wipes a small tear from her eye after laughing maybe a little too much, remembering it was her turn to ask.

“Okay Barb, what about creepy Susie?”

“Yeah. What about me?”

The monotone tone of voice is familiar, but the surprise is still there when they turn around and see the figure of a pale girl with long purple hair, her only visible eye looking directly at them with a tired expression, bangs covering the other one.

Hannah tries to stand back almost instinctively, accidentally tripping with one of her feet and falling out of her chair in a very unflattering manner, not unlike the way of the clumsy girl they were laughing at recently.

Barbara remains sitting where she is, petrified, with her hands placed in front of her as if she were trying to stop a sudden attack coming from Sucy. She attempts to keep her cool, but still can feel the sweat on the back of her neck.

Sucy just stands there, her expression unfazed. Is only the slow, uninterested way she blinks that reminds Hannah and Barbara that the girl standing before them is still alive (as far as they know).

“S-sucy! Hannah and I were just, we-” Still doing her best to keep whatever remains of her composure, Barbara hopes that she can get them out of there alive by sweet-talking somehow.

“How long have you been just STANDING there!?” Hannah’s usual temper doesn’t make it easy for Barbara, though.

Sucy just gives her a quick, dismissive glance, before looking directly at Barbara, who is now wishing that her sweating isn’t as noticeable as she thinks it is.

“So? What movie genre I am?”

“Ah! Well, we- uhm, we thought that you, erm, obviously-”

As Barbara attempts to form a coherent lie, Sucy just gets closer to the point that their faces are mere inches to each other, as if to remind her that there would not be a way out of this unless she tells her what she wants to know.

“Answer the question. Which one I am?”

Barbara lets out a loud gulp. She can’t really think of a convincing lie, so she decides to just answer honestly, ready to face the lavender witch’s wrath.

“Horror. I…i was gonna say that you would be a horror movie.”

Her expression doesn’t change for the next seconds that to Barbara, felt like hours. Then a smile seems to form on her lips, just enough to let Barbara know that she was amused by her answer.

“Haha. Neat.”

“Yo, Sucy! Hurry up! I already found the book that Lotte asked us to get!”

Hearing the familiar, loud voice that doesn’t even try to pretend to be in a place meant for silence and studying, the three girls look at the other end of the library, where Akko is waving at them while holding an old, dusty book on her other hand. Sucy looks back at Hannah and Barbara, wearing the same uninterested expression as before.

“Gotta go now”.

Feeling like she dodged a mushroom-shaped bullet, Barbara tries to keep the tiny bit of composedness that she barely had, but lets out a deep breath the very moment Sucy turns back and goes to where Akko is. She keeps looking at their direction, though, if only to make sure that the creepy girl actually leaves and doesn’t have any kind of last card, snake or potion under her sleeve. While hearing them chat as they walk, Barbara can notice, once again, how Sucy’s body language changes just a little bit when walking alongside Akko.

“Hey Suz, what were you doing with Hannah and Barbara just now?”

“Eh. We were just talking.”

“About what?”

As they leave the library, the two blue team members can’t hear their conversation anymore. Hannah, still shaking due to their near-Sucy experience, tries to regain her collectedness and opens her books again without saying anything, willing to forget anything related to the game they were playing to slack off studying. Barbara’s attention is somewhere else, still looking at the door even after the two girls are no longer there.

If Barbara had to be honest, she didn’t particularly care for either of them… even if Lotte was still trying to get her to know them better. But despite her own indifference, she couldn’t deny that there was something…charming in how the weird, creepy, and off-putting girl with lavender hair managed to develop a soft spot for the clumsiest girl in school, and how it was hard to ignore given that she herself managed to notice certain patterns as she was looking for stuff to make fun of them. Back when she still found enjoyment in bullying the three red team members, she considered the idea to tease Sucy about her potential feelings towards her roommate, but even then her own sense of survival knew better than that.

The expression on her face softens up just a tiny bit, enough for Hannah to notice when she turns to talk to her again.

“Did you know, that despite how different and irreconcilable they may seem, the horror and comedy genres have a lot in common? Many film and literally critics agree on that.”

Hannah just looks at her with a confounded expression.

“Huh?”

“If you pay attention, you would notice how many of the most acclaimed horror movies have a little bit of comedy in them. Not even as a foil, mostly as…a small piece that you didn’t know it would be missing. Something that you never thought would fit, but it does amazingly so. Yes, comedy and horror movies can exist on their own and work perfectly fine alone…”, pausing her words for a moment, she looks for her notes scrapped on the table to resume her studies, “…But is only when placed alongside with comedy that the horror genre gets to truly shine to its full potential.”

“What the heck are you going on about now?”

As if taken back from a trance, Barbara blinks a little, then just shrugs.

“I guess I just thought it was interesting.” She says almost instantly forgetting why that particular comparison came to her mind. “What about us though?”

“Ah?”

“Yeah, what movie genre would we be?”

Hannah scratches her head. She considers the options left, even if at this point she is not really interested to keep playing the little game they both made up. “I dunno. Animation?”

Seemingly considering the answer for a moment, Barbara lets out a dismissive laugh while opening one of her books. “Ha! As if.”

“Yeah, you are right. I’m not a big fan of cartoons, in all honesty.” Hannah says as she thinks of repetitive Saturday-morning animated shows, the ones with talking animals wearing funny clothes, stock sound effects, and the same background scene over and over. “Is just stuff for little kids anyway. Like, who has time for that kind of crap?”

A/N:

Hannah and Barbara being named after Hanna-Barbera will never not be funny to me.

Has something like this been done before? at first i wanted to compare the characters to music genres and bands but besides picking Kraftwerk for Constanze i've got nothing. Kinda not very really convinced how this one turned out, but still, i think is better to just publish it instead of letting it accumulate metaphorical dust in my drafts forever lol. I think I also better look for some beta readers for my next fic, i have a couple of other unfinished ideas even if I am not really sure what do…writing-wise? Guess we’ll see.

Amanda being Hannah’s gay awakening is a really cute concept. Is really growing on me!

Still, thank you for reading! Hope you all enjoyed this.

[rawring-rainbows]

The Queen’s pajamas

She was woken up by her potential girlfriendand her story is still being worked on if you wanna read the notes and rough draft so far here you are

Our Queen found a living island fixed it up and discovered it travelled different  dimensions and worlds

Queen Eclipse her two orbs floating above her shoulders holds back her true  (as corny as it sounds).. form

Her body and soul is directly connected to the living island when those little marbles fall she forms into this huge beast lays

behind her castle/Huge body of water (I cant decide) She goes to sleep and also so does the island No one knows for sure

what happends during this time besides her royal higher ups During this time its dark and most of the creatures plants etc seem to be put at rest things are dim dark and calm and

normally people can leave the island but no one can it looks almost as if theres a barrier around it During this time the entire kingdom starts this gigantic festival they play games they eat food they meditate they do

mminor rituals but this most import thing is laying your dominant hand on the royal beast and the other on your heart and

telling her that you believe in her and thank her for all that she's done as well as a what you hope for when the sun comes

up again Her form gets smaller and smaller as time goes on but when she wakes up shes happy and rejuvinated like her people who

canot help be filled with an explosive amount of happieness but so does the entire continent harvests are plentiful and

delicious flowers bloom trees are full of fruit the hopeless have hope the sick are healed all sorts of miracles happen

except one the dead cannot be raised and the wicked use this strange phenomenon for one thing.. To Kill without regret

You finally earned your way to the top of the royal hierarchy to get some sort of answer is to what the Queen does while

she sleeps a tall wise looking creature looks down at you with his hands behind his back an expression and peircing eyes

that gave you this feeling he could read u like a book."What would you do if you were a God?" He gives you no time to

answer "One God of many who takes over a world and play with those puppet strings as you please and make your ideal

world..Would you abandon it? Would you get bored? With endless time and power what do you do with this immortal life?" He

finally answers a question "You become atleast a quarter mortal..Taking on the life among your people but! Is it enough?

NO!!" The sudden outburst startles you but he keeps a calm expression "Do you take a small part of an enormous world and

make it your own? What kind of God would make one's self slightly vulnurable  while taking the lives from countless God

Ruling worlds of your very own kind? Is this God planning to make a Utopia for many?......Or To grow strong enough to wage

war and flip that coin calling heads to who will be the ruler of ALL worlds?...And will you be strong enough to live

through to thank the one who ripped off a peice of herself to show you how lucky you are to stand on the grounds of someone

who could erase u from existance with the flick of her wrist..Will you be thankful to the one who allowed you to be a part

of the game that no matter what you do you cannot stop..or will you realize All you can do is attempt to give her the heart

to try her damnest to allow you to survive in an existence where others like herself wont have a smidgen of pity for you?..

"

"You ever hear the term a captain goes down with their ship?" The Queen asks looking up at the stars. You Nod. "You see

those stars up there?.....They're sunken ships... God's are not made of flesh of blood..They're pure energy and each one of

them swimming around up there looks for...hmm...how do i put this...They look for shelter and they feed on energy and when

a God First manifests they're very fragile..and easily consumed its a battle to live on untill they find theyre set

home..Some are stronger then others and build their hearts in several worlds some have dozens some settle with one" her

eyes darted up with a look of pain on her face. "Some dont make it..Their people they work so hard to grow and have their

planet thrive..either destory eachother or destroy their God..If a God dies in their shell its people could thrive for some

time but then..." she pointed to one of the brightest stars in the sky that was soon shut off like a light. "Theyre used to

fuel the next world" You asked which one is she like. She grinned eared to ear. "Im a special kind...the kind that doesnt

like to be tied down..The kind that's deeply afraid not only to lose my own life but the ones who grew with me and

Thrived!" She took a deep excited breath then sighed.  "Though I took a big risk being different from the others..I have no

idea what's in our future..but!..I will work hard enough so that we have a big chance for it to work out in the end..Most

God's abandon their children..Most God's just watch them grow thrive and destroy eachother while sitting back without a

care because they only think about themselves...Me...I want to work together.." She lifted her glass of wine. "If the plan

works smoothly we'll be unstoppable if not well.." She clinked her glass against yours and lifted hers up again. "To an

unexpected future!!"

"When do you feel the most mortal?" You asked the queen who was scratching her chin in thought. "I...How do I put

this...Any sort of pain...emotional,physical,etc I do not feel immidiatly..I feel just enough to settle the situation at

that moment..whether its comfrontation..or a fight i feel about 5 to 25 percent of any sort of negative feeling...untill

later..when theres no one around..when theres no danger my people cant handle..I break down..I cry..my chest hurts..my

heart breaks..I throwup and so on and so fourth...for centuries i would wonder why this happend...then i realized..I use my

immortality as a shield and dont give my mortality a chance to breath..its something ive been trying to work on for a long

time..others who ive told this secret to said they've felt something similiar to that..that its because we hurt for others

and put everything holding us back aside for those including ourselves.. Who are we if we do not protect others while

they're weak as our parents who have provided us with shelter while we were young?.. We're all still young you know...Young

and afraid Unsure of our futures no matter how hard we work for them..Life is tough and brutal as Hell and its nice to have

someone to protect you when you need it most..I dont mind having these moments..Pain isnt so bad when it reminds you that

you're alive.."

God's are very territorial shes nervous Oh my Stars!..Look she's sweating!" You say as you watched her talked to the group

of Gods. "She's fine she's smart but very cautious these are her friends-"  You interupt him. "Ticking time bombs you mean!

any one of them can turn around and attempt to kill her or kill someone else-" "She wouldnt allow that! She would rather

lay down her life then allow them to put us in danger..." You look to the side with uncertainty "What is one life to a God

thats rules over many?" You sighed and clutched your chest trying to still your racing heart.

When two Gods fight it's...Ugh! I'm a journalist! Im risking my life on the surface and i dont even know how to explain this!"  Adrenaline pumped through your veins you were panicking there was two  gargantuan God's standing thousands of feet from you ready to Rip into eachother. "What to do What to do" You say quickly pacing back and fourth Suddenly CRACK BOOM! Heat rushes over you as you fall and eat dirt you look up over the stone you stood behind leaning over and watching it slowly start to disintegrate, but that didnt matter just yet you're writers block was destroyed at this very moment and you had to write this down "Through Mortal eyes this fight looked as if two Colossal flames were trying to engulf eachother-" You start to say but just like that it was almost over the enemy was tossed in your direction as you watched in shock it skid across the ground and stopped 10 feet from you The Goddess who ruled over the ground you stood on seemed to appear on top it then immidiatly looked right into your eyes. "She stared at me..Its like looking into one thousand suns though it doesnt burn.." You say out loud attempting to write it down without looking The monumental beings expression started to change. "Her expression went from pure fury that melted into absolute worry..You look tired.." You said softly it was like talking to an intelligent beast who said nothing but you could tell how it was feeling. The deity suddenly started using her last bit of strength on her enemy pressing her enormous forearm on its throat struggling against her grip. "Stop! Don't worry about me! Fight this guy with a better strategy! You could die!" You braced for impact There was a loud crack and a deafening sound of thunder you soon after looked up. "The Enemy was destroyed in an explosion of pure white..It's snowing diamonds..She's ok..She won....Risking her life for one weak being who stood on her grounds which she ruled....and im in love with her"