#who cares about the number of notes
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hey this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular but I’m saying it for the record here: if I tell you no, please stop messaging me about fundraisers and mutual aid.
I get enough messages that it’s impossible for me to keep up without devoting at least half an hour each day, when I’m not even on tumblr that long most days. Me having a boundary about this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a lifeboat for me on my own blog.
In my personal life I’m already advocating and donating literally as much as I can spare. This is not me not caring, it’s just me not willing to interact with that on the one place I go online to not interact with irl news and world events for the most part.
I cannot be upset all the time. I cannot be upset everywhere. I cannot use all my emotional and mental energy fielding my own upset from ongoing events. My options are to hold boundaries about this or stop coming online at all.
I’m all for sharing information and signal boosting to reasonable extents, but the scale of it this year is so large and so enduring that it is literally not possible to for me to participate on every account I have. I’ve previously shared links to Gaza eSIM donations and a major hub of verified Go Fund Mes here and elsewhere online. We, the online humans, know how to look those things up ourselves by now. There are many, many people choosing to do advocacy work, and right now, I can’t be one of them.
If you’re extremely upset when I tell you I can’t share/donate right now about a Gaza family or personal fundraiser you ask me to share here, just unfollow and block me. That’s what those buttons are for. Protect your own emotions and energy and get me off your feed instead of staying upset and continuing to engage with online people or content that upsets you.
Please don’t send repeated angry messages based on manufactured purity politics and moral outrage into my messages and inbox when I exercise the right to run my own blog.
#and on that note#I also think some people need to sit down and ask themselves#if their old end times anxieties and fears and preparations and word spreading#haven’t filtered straight into a new non religious end of society and end of modern world order anxiety that they’re pushing on other peopl#even if it is the end times#you cannot change that by beating your own anxieties into other people’s heads#people can care MORE when they are GIVEN ROOM TO BREATHE#first rule of sustainable activism is you can’t do it constantly and you can’t push it on people constantly#you have to pace it and you have have have have HAVE to play long games#short term activism burns you out and if it leads to full despair from burnout it can get you killed via depression#it’s not a joke#there’s a reason your elders have books and community lore about healthy activism even in times of crisis#they lived it. they learned from it. learn from them.#spend your time doing things that can make real impacts.#do little things online but unless you’re an actual information hub you shouldn’t be posting constantly about it#people won’t even want to follow you anymore eventually because that’s not why they followed you#and then you have no audience for your important message anyway.#I know this. I learned it myself on other accounts.#please. stop. harassing me.#how is harassing me going to make me MORE willing to change my mind and post? just because you demanded it?#I am an autonomous person#this is my ONE curated space on the website#you have a multitude of tags and other users#don’t waste energy on a person who already told you no. let’s call that activism rule number two#spend your energy where it’s not likely to be wasted#you’re needed for a long haul#act like it 😭#and stop spamming me 😭#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?
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Error 404 Luna.exe has stopped functioning
Sorry guys the account is going down now, you've overloaded me
...
Ok fine I'll be serious. Follower milestone time!! Four hundred hehe.
It's been under two years since I've joined tumblr and I don't have a good frame of reference to know if 400 followers in that time is impressive or not. It feels impressive tho, so it counts as a follower milestone for me :))
Its wierd to me cause like. I don't post art. Or writing. Everyone following me is just here because you like my rambles? I make insane rants with a ton of pictures of my favourite characters, and I've never had a group of people I'd rather share my thoughts with. You guys are so cool and every time I get an ask, or an ask game, or tagged I slightly explode inside. Gosh, yall will literally ask just me for my thoughts and opinions and that's. A huge honour for me. I love you and you matter <3 thanks for chilling in this little corner of the world with me.
Here's a more satisfying number of 400 for everyone who likes round numbers, I just wanted to make a joke about 404 XD
Thanks guys <33 keep going because it matters and you matter- yall are some of my favourite people on the planet /gen
:))
#personal#follower milestone#<thank you to my peeps who helped explain to me what that was#I literally wish I could talk to everyone here individually. just about what you like and how you're doing and whatever#I like friends. and my mutuals? or friends I have without following each other? mean the world to me.#I don't care about numbers and I actually hate round numbers odd ones are satisfying for me. but figured I'd try to be considerate#cause everyone else seems to like round numbers and find odd ones unsatisfying.#but still. I don't care about numbers too much on here- something about keeping my head straight on social media#but idk all my silly lil rant posts get like hundred of notes and that seems large#love yall <33
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literally the best part of this whole stupid book iwlove weird obsessed horndogs thee villain archetype of all time. he’s so silly. “we could’ve had a life together”, he says to his lesbian ex-neighbour who he’s just shot with a crossbow bolt meanwhile her girlfriend who he’s also just shot is half dead across the room. god i love it here he said me and the bad bitch im going to fumble
#WHAT A FUCKING FREAK IJBOL!!!!!!#MORE PSYCHOSEXUALLY OBSESSED WEIRDO VILLAINS PIXELBERRY I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN U.#their villains are usually so cringe and one note at least this one is memorable#mind you this could have used more buildup. up until like chapter 19 he still had the benefit of the doubt#his ass was NOT beating the twist villain allegations but the fucking freak allegations were a whole separate beast#and he could be presumed innocent in those. like sure i guess these are just average fanatic werewolf hunter antics.#like EYE had my suspicions. him sending that frat bro to sexually harass mc was a fucking freak move#but like in general he was coming off as someone who was just a normal amount of concerned about a friend of theirs falling in w a cult#like girl why am i following my cringe fwb into the pool house to be all ‘babe this isnt u :(’#i dont CARE i wanna go engage with the twist antagonist who at this point my mc still thinks is kind of normal/their friend!!!#but alas that’s just pb for you. we WILL NOT stick a landing ever. they make all the new writers swear to never write a villain that makes#sense or is well foreshadowed. ONLY side characters who you would never suspect bc they have like 5 lines in the whole book.#like you’ll never be duffy veilofsecrets you’ll never recapture that magic.#anyway. markus choicesalpha the fucking weirdo cringefail stalker incel loser you could have been…kermit looking out rainy window dot png#maeve speaks#playchoices#choices#pixelberry#choices alpha#channing lowe#markus barnes#side note this whole thing probably has a Much different vibe with a male mc#but as it is it’s like ijbol. channing is cringe and emotionally unavailable but how could you POSSIBLY compare to a buff werewolf bitch#he is so completely not a contender that its comedic to me. you think WE could have had a LIFE TOGETHER?#even if my mc had never ever met channing SHE IS A LESBIAN!!!! SHES GAY DUDE STOP IT LOL#and with a female mc and male channing its like yeah whatever average incel number 10 billion. wow youre going to kill me bc some other guy#is hotter than you? eyeroll. at least channing canonically gives great head.
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love seeing your posts with 0-2 notes
go on mate flop like the fish you wete meant to be
i don't even care about notes when all i'm doing is just spitting whatever bullshit that comes to my mind
#asks#the only time i slightly care about notes is when i make actual effort art but even then#who give a shit. i do shit because i wanna not for some digital numbers
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more entry snippets..
#It's been interesting reading these back...#I feel. Like. Maybe following a saga of like.. Several consecutive days could be better than like#Randomly clicking days and seeing what I was up to#I don't know if anyone cares but u can send me a date starting from 2019 and I'll have an entry for u#Except for.. I believe August 8th 2019...#I was coming back from Mauritius and lost a day LOL#Idk like.. Reminiscing some people#I was like.. 'video called ethan' it literally took me 5 minutes to even remember who Ethan was 😭😭😭#I'm sorry Ethan..#Anyways these are so funny to me. Or like interesting#It's so...........#I can't quite explain it.. Interesting? Nostalgic? Heart wrenching a bit..#To relive these things I experienced.#Lots of love struck silliness. And also being sad. And being at peace. Lots of emotions!!!! Living quite the life!!!#Ok.#Void talks#Chats#Also just like.. Sending my friends the goofy notes I made about them a number of weeks months or years ago...... So good#'Allen tried to explaina Gui to me.. It didn't work.'
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so after using my free blaze for the month, my takeaway is that blazing a post isn't worth it unless your post is really good I guess. you get a few likes for 30 minutes and then nothing and also probably get silently blocked by a lot of people lmao
#ough knowing only 0.5% of people who saw my art even liked it is rough I don't like knowing the numbers#ofc like I said I think a lot of people block on sight when they see the blaze icon#and also it was a long post with a lot of art (annoying)#maybe next month I'll try with a single piece that I particularly like#also non-fanart always does bad notes-wise unless you're REALLY good and appeal to a lot of people#which is why I stopped caring about notes after I stopped drawing fanart as much#bc my art is only decent and my tastes have always been a few degrees off from what people like#but also I'm doing all this justifying but now that I think about it these stats are consistent with what I typically get on deviantart#which is 100-150 views and 0-1 favourites#so maybe I really am only appealing to 0.5% of people
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Watching a video essay presented by an autistic woman and experiencing raw allurement in the way she lounges casually around her house; like seeing body positions, hand gestures, and other 'oddities' (at one point she sits holding a large bottle of laundry detergent balanced in her hand in a way that resonates so intensely i audibly screech) that not only cause intense "Self Recognition Through the Other" feelings in a very validating way but also untold amounts of "You're reminding me SO much of the friends I used to have as a kid"-esque attraction that i keep forgetting to pay attention to the actual crux of her essay because all i can think is "g-d i need to start meeting irl autistic people again"
#N posts stuff#i was bullied on and off as a child but largely did not care bc a Lot of the friends i managed to make at a variety of my schools#were other girls who were Unquestionably autistic even if no one acknowledged it; none of whom i stayed in contact with bc#i moved so often (bummer)#anyway i spent all week trapped in corporate office hell and her body language is like a literal breath of fresh air#this essay is going to turn into one of those videos i watch on repeat for inexplicable reasons an incomprehensible number of times#i put the link in the notes; it is a really good essay about like#the intersection of the autistic and the nonhuman#don't get so thrown by the title that you don't watch it its really good lol#not just for the clips where she holds the detergent
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I feel like a lot of art I put genuine effort into nowadays just gets shoved away
#fires posts#ramblings#vent#negative#Ik art is not number. Ik being proud of my creations (which I am) is more important#But I cannot tell you how much it hurts when a real passion project gets as much notes as some random doodle#That's half the reason I quit that goofy rav//io blog. Bc it was depressing me!#I feel like people only care about my art if it makes them laugh#which is understandable. and I know I often put effort into my jokey stuff#but just once I wish something that wasn't a doodle and has no punchline got some love#thank you mutuals and blog regulars who always rb my stuff. You guys r the only thing keeping me going I swear
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If you ever have a post that gets a lot of notes and you think “I should see what people are saying in the notes” that’s the devil talking and you shouldn’t listen
#I made a post a while ago about how if I'm publishing fanfic I want attention#and how if I'm going to work I want a paycheck#and I'm not doing either of those things out of pure passion#and I shouldn't have to put on the little show of like 'oh I don't care about the attention/money' and false modesty#anyways there are some people who are like. absolutely willfully misreading it in the notes#like goddamn the reading comprehension on this website is bad sometimes#'this reminds me of ayn rand' no it doesn't fuck off#like I explicitly say in the followup that I do love writing but if I don't want attention it stays on my computer#and the number of people who are like 'OP you must be passionate if you put in the time to write'#oh my godddddddd it's annoying#also don't tell me what amount of effort and time I'll take to get attention
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I needed to kill some time while my test prints ran today so I went into the "for you" tab on Twitter and discovered the most dystopian hellscape known to man. The only post there that didn't do tick damage to my wellbeing was a drawing of some buff anime guy with tasteful dickroot showing. Awful, awful website
#textpost#Most of the people I follow there post in Japanese or as ns/fw or are artists so idk where tf the algorithm got the idea-#-that I wanted to see shit like 'fake' Guilty Gear fan discourse lmfao#Who cares. Who actually cares#There are people who've never played the games or watched the stories and are into it because they like the characters and honestly#That's all that matters. If you like something then you're a fan#It's wild that there's even a debate about that at all#Goddamn nerds. Jesus Christ. Terminal case of 'go outside and feel the sun on your troglodyte skin just once in your life'#Anyway don't wanna end this post on a heavy note. Printer's almost calibrated#Need to plug some numbers into the esteps formula since I wasn't able to brute force it lol#Think there's something wacky going on with the flow rate too but that's on the gcode end so I didn't mess with it today#The filament's got some gnarly stringing going on. Unfortunate but fixable. At least I got the bed extremely calibrated lmfao#The new mainboard works like a dream... The Z-axis doesn't jerk when it first starts moving anymore and the X & Y movements are like silk#Once I fix the stringing issue it will almost certainly be ready for doing big prints like Outrage pieces
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i love tumblr's format at its core and it is my preferred platform for longform rambling but like. the fact that my art gets exponentially more engagement on aethy is definitely making me talk more about my characters on aethy and not here 😭
like tumblr loves fanart and that's fine! i get it, it's the majority of what i engage with on here too, but i'm not like. expecting comments or even reblogs half the time. a like would genuinely go a long way, i just want to feel like i'm not shouting into the void 😔
but maybe my perception is skewed bc i always scroll back through my dash to the last post i saw. with few exceptions i really don't miss posts people i follow are making. but i remember my ex used to follow like, thousands of blogs bc it satisfied her to always have things moving. i got upset once that she never saw a damn thing i posted and she was like, oh, lol, i don't see anything anyone posts.
so, idk. i don't think people should be engaging with my OC bullshit if they're not interested. i'm mutuals with a lot of fandom people who assuredly don't care, and that's genuinely fine. i'm not asking anyone to start caring. but if you do care, if you see my art and it makes you feel some positive emotion, maybe just like it? i promise you don't actually have to say anything or put it on your blog. i just like the reassurance that it's being seen.
i could also stand to tag my OC posts with more things but uh. idk what to use. does anyone even check "original character" or "artists of tumblr" for new content??
#i've been really proud of my art lately and i am struggling to maintain that energy#i know a handful of artists insist that likes (and kudos) mean nothing but i do not feel the same way#like if i intended my audience to be anything outside of people who already follow me then maybe#like yeah i guess i see the appeal of your art having more reach#but i don't care about numbers so much as i care about my friends appreciating my presence#if you already like my art when you see it then i promise i'm not trying to discredit you#i am just looking at the 0 notes on the art i spent an agonizing amount of time on and going. hm. that doesn't spark joy#tox.txt
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wait how many notes
#<me accidentally seeing 219 note count on the kid gif#feels like too many lol#I never intentionally check numbers bc hmm. I kinda don't care about that but I WOULD get upset if I knew for sure that I'm being ignored#(I check all the notes and tags as they come though)#(bless everyone who leaves tags and comments in particular...)
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No offence, but ffs the general strike for Palestine thing being circulated for action this week is literally coming with caveats saying 'if you can't do anything else just don't post on social media about anything but Palestine'.....????????
#at some point it's not a strike any more when people are presenting it to you as not a strike.#look- i think a general strike supporting a ceasefire could make an impact but any kind of strike requires centralised support#e.g. if a community organiser in london who has been planning the large marches put out very clear instructions well in advance#contacted unions etc- maybe are large number of people in the country would actually do it- people here clearly care about Palestine#but literally all of this just ends up being about social media AGAIN.#did we not learn from the BLM black square saga???? social media and especially tumblr is not very useful!#btw the reason why strikes work best through workplaces if because you NEED close social support in order to do them effectively#internet support just isn't the same and it's no wonder so many people are openly saying 'I can't'#i wouldn't either! there would be no point! Sorry to be so blunt#i will 100000% take part in a strike that i am fully prepared for though but i think people should consider how last minute this has been#it's worth noting that there is a lot of guilt here: people feel they cannot do nothing but they cannot afford to strike#(might they have been able to if this was planned in advance? possibly more would have...)#so someone in the west who is not the Palestinian activist who called for the strike added the weird 'just do social media' caveats#they are literally watering down what should have been a very powerful gesture#but they HAVE to do that because they know 99% of people reading will not be equipped to actually strike meaningfully!#and it's the only way to avoid everyone guilt spiralling
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Do…. Do people actually have an issue with stuff being written in present tense?
#I’ve heard of POV preference but seeing all these posts about how much people dislike present tense#maybe I’m just not an observant reader but I can count the number of times I’ve actively noted a book/fic’s tense on one hand#and almost always it was because I liked how it worked with the author’s writing style#you’re telling me people will consider dropping something JUST because it’s in present tense??#genuinely can someone explain this to me?#I know some people don’t like first person pov because it feels too close and ‘I’ didn’t do anything. the character did#(I don’t really see it that way and don’t mind first person though I prefer third person)#and second person pov is rare and people don’t like it for the same reasons (being told what they as a reader ‘did’)#(I personally like second person pov a LOT but also prefer it to be a little treat actually suited to the story)#but verb tense?? as long as it all works grammatically I don’t see an issue#a lot of the examples I see of how present tense doesn’t work is showing two paragraphs side by side in the past and present#and I will agree that the present reads worse comparatively#but also it’s because the sentences were obviously (at least imo) written and structured for past tense first#and then ‘translated’ to present tense if that makes sense#I personally like how present tense lets me play with my sentences#but also I know that when I play with time and have a character recount past events within their own internal musings I switch tense#which I would think is allowed?? but maybe that’s bad form and I’m proving the point why past tense is ‘superior’#(I don’t really care for fic writing purposes as long as it flows and isn’t distracting but who’s to say)#anyways this was long but yeah. genuinely curious about this one#white weasel talks#tbd probs
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Some people are just so. Online.
#i hate it when i see people saying something that i know only has meaning within inane online discourse#like. who CARES???? no real people are talking about this#if i real flesh and blood person tried to discuss this shit irl no one would know what they were talking about or care at all#it’s just exhaustinggggggggg#makes me want to delete this last remnant of social media and be done with it altogether#give a few trusted mutuals my number and have that be that#honeslty might… haven’t found much value on here lately#i’ve just been so busy with work and it’s like.#is this REALLY what i want to spend my time on?#idk idk#maybe i’ll just take a break to start and see how that is#also - worth noting - this is NOT @ - any of my mutuals or friends or anyone i interact with#this is in response to me seeing a post i agreed with and then checking the op’s blog and losing faith in humanity#i am TIRED and i don’t CARE#and i have better things to do than come on here and get annoyed#but apparently not better things to do than come on here and complain!#lmaoooooo GOODNIGHT!!!!!!
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Me being a bitch (waayyy more drama in tags):
Decided to stop all the petty shit and actually text my cousin to explain things and have an actual conversation and the bitch laughed at me so I’m officially done with her royal highness
#ps. maybe don’t be a bitch to the person who pays for your streaming services 👍#talking shit about me is fine but my mother?!? sweetie you don’t deserve the nights she’s wasted worrying about you#idk why I’m even explaining things at all#I left her alone for months and then she has to go and acuse me of something I didn’t even know happened#like??? I hadn’t been on Netflix since new years but sure I deleted your Netflix profile but left your Hulu alone#ya figured me out. I’m an evil mastermind *mwhahaha*#and then to drag it out via Netflix names bc you can’t just ducking text me???#I was trying to be an adult and distance myself and she just drags me back into the drama#at least my mom knows I’m innocent#even tried leaving thing on a positive note via Netflix#told her to text my mother sometime bc (despite me thinking she’d a total bitch) my mom still cares about her#and she had to get all sassy like “she has my number 💅”#yeah and ya know what? you have hers#funny how she uses it to check in on you and you don’t reply till you need something#funny thing is my brother told me she and her baby daddy have been fighting more and more#I hope one day she wakes up and realizes her sucked her dry and now has no one to turn to bc she made sure to bitch them all away#sweetie I tried being there for you but I can’t be there for someone who makes it very clear they wish I was never there in the first place#enjoy tearing your vagina in two for someone you gave up your entire personality for#and before any of y’all come here saying “we’ll if she cut everyone off and made her entire personality about him maybe she’s being abused”#she was in an emotionally fragile state when they met- her mother had just died#and it’s our understand that she decided it was easier to purge herself/life of anything that reminded her of her pain/old life#it’s very evident when you look at her behavior#that being said she’s always been a bitch#I had to stop attending holidays at one point simply bc she didn’t want me there (I was 11)#couldn’t wear her hand-me-downs around her bc she’d make it clear I wasn’t pretty enough to wear them#oh and she tried to fight me in the chilis parking lot after church when I was nine#bc my grandpa opened the car door for me instead of her#amazing how just two years ago I was hoping we could finally be friends
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