#whom the fuck am i writing atl fic

[pixiegrl]

You Are My Horizon

Jack comes to visit Rian at work. Rian's hopelessly in love.

Alright lets take it from the top:

Bet you never saw ATL fic coming from me? Well, here it is. Once again, this is part of a larger fic I'm writing. I'm blaming Rian's v-day thirst trap and Jack just being, you know, Jack for writing this. The only important thing to know going into this is that Rian and Jack are dating, Jack is trans, and that Rian works at a tattoo parlor owned by Ashton and Calum. The tattoo parlor is across from the flower show Luke (also trans) and Michael (non-binary) own.

Second: big thanks to @tigerteeff for whom I write all trans content. Thanks for listening to me yell about Trans Jack he is a special boy and I love him. Thanks to @lifewasradical @cakelftv @blackbutterfliescal and @staticsounds for listening to me yell about this fic (and the flower shop/tattoo parlor verse) and telling me how emo in a good way this is. I love you all dearly.

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500365

Rian’s sketching out the tattoo he’s designing when Jack comes into the back area of the parlor. He sighs dramatically, dropping himself into Rian’s lap and straddling him.

“Babe,” Jack whines.

“Hello to you too. Who’s watching Cam?”

“The puppy can be left alone for like an hour. I’ve been home all day. I missed you.”

“You saw me this morning.”

“That was hours ago. It’s like almost 5:00pm. I missed you,” Jack says, dropping his head down, resting it under Rian’s chin. Rian sighs, putting his pencil down and running his hands under Jack’s shirt. Jack sighs, pressing a kiss to Rian’s neck, easing into the touch. Rian likes Jack, all long legs and lean muscle, the contrast he is to Rian himself. He’s dyed his hair recently, a soft shade of blonde that contrasts with the dark hair of his beard. Rian remembers how excited Jack was about the beard when he started growing it, crowing that getting the hysterectomy finally helped him grow the hair that being on T didn’t. Jack’s painfully handsome these days, angled cheekbones and jaw framed by his beard, comfortable in his own skin. Jack has a soft smile on his face, as he pulls back, kissing Rian on the lips softly. 

They trade soft kisses for a few moments before Jack pulls back, grinning mischievously.

“No,” Rian says.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“You may not suck my dick at my place of work.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not sanitizing the whole workstation.”

Jack sighs dramatically, flopping onto Rian, “But you have to do that anyway.”

“And I’m not letting you get this place dirty. Or risking someone walking in on us Jack, these are my co-workers.”

“Spoil sport,” Jack says. Rian huffs a laugh, letting Jack steal his snapback and put it on. He snuggles into Rian’s side, watching him sketch out the flowers.

“What’s this one?”

“Tattoo for a client. She wants a whole bouquet for flowers for her family.”

“Isn’t that Sierra’s thing? The flowers?”

“She wants it in watercolor.”

“So your speciality.”

“My speciality,” Rian says. Jack hums, getting a hand underneath Rian’s shirt, tracing his abs lightly as he keeps watching Rian. He has to be uncomfortable, at the angle he’s at but Jack makes no move to change his position.

“Why don’t you head home? I have to finish this sketch up and it’s not going to be very interesting for you,” Rian says, after Jack shifts for the fifth time in ten minutes.

“I don’t want to head home though. Wanna go with you.”

“You drove your car here Jack. You’d be going home without me anyway.”

“I don’t want to go home and wait around for you though. I want to wait here, with you. I want to spend time with you,” Jack says, pouting lightly. Rian sighs, heart soft. He ducks his head down pressing a kiss to Jack’s temple. Jack laughs, scrunching his nose up. He rests his head on Rian’s shoulder, watching as Rian works on the sketch around Jack’s long limbs.

“You know, I didn’t see myself being 32,” Jack says, just barely above a whisper. Rian stops what he’s doing, turning his attention to the boyfriend in his lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. At 15 I didn’t see myself making it to 20. I was a depressed teen, self-harming because I hated the way I looked and that I couldn’t understand what was going on. I thought I’d kill myself before 20 trying to figure it out. Then, I was 20 and I couldn’t see myself at 25. I finally had the words to understand what I was feeling and who I was, but then you’re going through therapists and doctors, people are giving you papers and reports and explanations and telling you how much money it all is to just be yourself. I thought I’d die under the stress of it all, the constant feeling of just having to fight to be myself,” Jack says, shrugging. 

He picks at the edge of Rian’s shirt, pulling at a loose thread there, head resting on Rian’s shoulder, nose touching his neck. Rian puts his pencil down, stroking his hand over Jack’s back, letting Jack nuzzle into him. They sit there for a few moments in silence before Rian finally works up the courage to ask Jack his question.

“What about at 25?” Rian asks, soft, squeezing Jack’s hip lightly.

“I got the right therapist. I went on T. They finally approved things and I had the money for my top surgery. There was light at the end of the tunnel. And then I met you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. I love who I am, don’t get me wrong. I love being trans and I love being myself and I’m happy with myself. It took me so long to get there, but I love myself. But it’s hard, when you’re two months out of top surgery, when your voice still cracks, when you’re worried about how everyone else will see you, to picture someone loving you the way you love yourself. Especially when they look like you,” Jack says. He tilts his head up, looking at Rian, eyes a little wet. Rian laughs, breathless, at the idea of it all. 

He remembers meeting Jack with the sort of clarity that only comes with the certainty of knowing that this is your person, with the knowledge to capture this moment, so you can tell your family, your friends, write it into your wedding vows, tell it to your children. Alex had invited him to the back to school brunch he hosted with Lisa every year before school started. Rian had grumbled about it, considering he’s not a teacher what does it matter, but Alex has insisted that as his oldest friend Rian should come (he found out later Alex had intentionally done it to try and set him and Jack up, but Rian can’t really be mad about it). He’d found Jack, with his grown out emo fringe and home dyed red hair, standing by the music, trying to hijack it to play Blink-182 and complaining that Alex never let him have his way. Rian had found himself hopelessly enamored, listening to Jack rant about music and the merits of not teaching Romeo and Juliet to bored teens when Shakespeare has better plays. Rian had been so caught up in what Jack was saying, he hadn’t even noticed brunch had ended until Alex kicked them both out. Brunch had led to late lunch, led to dinner, led to Rian taking Jack for ice cream just so he didn’t have to leave, giving Jack his number and waiting for a phone call. Rian doesn’t think there’s ever been a time he wasn’t enamored by Jack, hopelessly in love with him from the moment Jack had demanded to see Rian’s Blink-182 tattoo. 

“What do you mean someone who ‘look like me’?”

“Handsome, masculine, rugged. You’re a tattoo artist and you work out and you’re like the kind of guy I wanted to be when I was a teen except I’m not. I’m me and there’s nothing wrong with me, but like compared to you. I’m the dorky English teacher. I’m all tall and lanky and stuff.”

“I love dorky English teacher Jack.”

“I know you do. You look at me with such love and adoration it hurts sometimes. The first time you told me you loved me I went home and cried,” Jack says. He’s sitting up now, arms draped over Rian’s shoulders, tears in his eyes. Rian, reaches up, brushing them away. 

“You did what?” Rian asks, quiet.

“I cried. I cried because you were everything teenage Jack dreamed of and couldn’t have. You loved me and loved me and you didn’t care that my voice cracked or about the scars or about anything else that made me feel self-conscious at the time because it was new and fresh. The first time you called me your boyfriend I didn’t know what to do. I felt so special and loved. You just loved me and it felt so real. And I was 25 and for the first time, I could picture myself at 30, at 40, at 50 because I could picture my life, I could picture sharing my life with you. And now I’m 32 and I want to tell teenage Jack that it’s worth it, all the waiting is worth it because you’re here. You’re here and I love you so much Ri,” Jack says. He’s crying now, eyes red, nose red. Rian pulls him into a hug, realizes he’s crying too.

“Well, I love you. You’re a hurricane and I never expected to fall in love the way I did with you, but god did I. I was so worried that first day if I let you go home, if I let you leave, you’d forget all about me. Except you kept calling me and texting me and then you practically moved into my house and I didn’t want to let you go. We have a home, a life, a dog. It’s everything I pictured when I was 17 and realized I liked guys too.” 

“Guess we’re just stuck together,” Jack says, sniffling. Rian laughs, a little wet, pulling Jack into a hug. 

“Guess we are.” 

“Think Ash will let you leave early? I wanna go home now and I don’t wanna wait for you.” 

“Yeah. I don’t have any more appointments and I can take the sketches home.” 

“Good. I think we deserve some pizza and white claws,” Jack says, solemnly. He’s smiling though and Rian’s hopelessly in love with him.

It isn’t till the drive home, which Rian barely managed to get to because Jack kept kissing him against his car, refusing to just let Rian get in the car and drive home so they could have dinner and cuddle, that Rian wonders what’s stopping him from making this permanent. They live together, they have a dog, Jack’s all but told Rian he sees them as forever and Rian feels the same way. What’s stopping Rian from just proposing? 

He takes the thought with him for the next week, searching for rings on his off time, trying to get other people’s opinions on what Jack might like until Rian finally decides on a simple black band for the ring. He ends up in the flower shop the next week, deciding that Jack deserves nice flowers for a proposal.

Luke is at the counter, fixing up a floral arrangement when Rian comes in. He looks up, surprised, blushing a little. Rian’s not dumb, he knows Luke has a crush on him. He also knows Luke has a crush on Jack and a major crush on Ashton, so he’s pretty sure Luke is just falling for anyone he thinks is cute until Ashton finally kisses him.

“Rian, hi! What brings you in? More flowers for the shop?”

“Flowers for Jack. I want to propose and I thought the sweetest man deserved some flowers to go with it.”

Luke looks at Rian in awe, lips parted in an “o.” 

“You’re going to propose?” Luke whispers. Rian furrows his brow, confused at Luke’s surprise, until he remembers that Luke’s trans too. Luke’s trans and he’s probably having the same reaction Jack did the first time he and Rian went to pride and Jack saw other people like them together, the idea that they weren’t alone. It softens Rian’s heart even more. He gets the older brother affection Jack has for Luke and Michael, the need to care for them. It’s hard not to when Luke’s staring at him, all wide blue eyes and open wonder.

“Yeah. Figured my boyfriend of seven years deserves to be my husband forever. Have some roses for it?” Rian says. Luke beams, hurrying around the counter, pulling out red roses to make a bouquet, bouncing with excitement. It’s infectious, making Rian even more excited to propose to Jack, seeing how excited Luke is, smiling the whole time. Ashton let him out of work early too, so he could be home to make dinner with Jack when he gets back from school. 

Rian’s anxious the whole drive home, flowers in the passenger seat, tapping his hands nervously on the steering wheel. What if he’s overthinking this whole thing? What if he’s fucking up the best thing in his life by proposing? What if all the nice words Jack said don’t mean marriage, they just mean staying together? What if Rian’s about to make the stupidest decision of his life? 

Jack’s car is already in the driveway when Rian gets back. He wasn’t expecting Jack to beat him home. It makes the pit in his stomach open wider, makes him even more anxious. He drops his keys five times before he finally manages to get them into the lock and open the door. 

“Ri?” Jack calls when Rian’s through the door. Camden comes sprinting through the house, barking excitedly at Rian until he picks him up, holding him in one arm while trying to keep the roses out of the way. 

“Yeah. You’re home early.” 

“Took the rest of my shit home. Why the fuck should I grade bad essays on The Odyssey at my desk when I can grade them on our couch while you yell at Jeopardy.” 

“I don’t yell at Jeopardy,” Rian says, offended.  

“Yes you do babe,” Jack says. Rian drops his bag by the front of the kitchen, placing the flowers on the counter and Cam on the floor. Jack’s back is turned to him, watching the chicken quesadillas he’s making in the pan intensely. Rian sneaks up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist and running his hands over Jack’s hip bones, resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder. Jack sighs, leaning back into the touch. 

“Hi,” Rian says softly, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.  

“Hi,” Jack says, turning his head to get a kiss from Rian. He glances over Rian’s shoulder, perking up when he notices the flowers on the counter. 

“You bought flowers?” 

“I did.” 

“For your other lover?” Jack teases, abandoning the pan to turn around in Rian’s arms, kiss him softly. Rian smiles, tugging Jack closer, kissing his lips, his neck. Jack laughs, squirming in his arms. 

“You can’t kiss me like that while I’m cooking. We’ll start a fire,” Jack says. Rian rolls his eyes, letting Jack play with his hair. 

“I missed you,” Rian says softly. Jack snorts. 

“It was only 8 hours babe,” he teases. 

“You didn’t text me today. I’m used to you texting me.” 

“The teens were being wild today. I don’t remember this much drama when I was their age,” Jack says. Rian rolls his eyes, pulls Jack in for a hug. 

Jack eventually wiggles from Rian’s hold, turning back to the stove. Camden’s flopped down next to them, sighing heavily. Rian swallows, hand in his pocket fingering the ring box. 

“Hey Jack?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you marry me?” Rian asks, sinking to one knee, pulling the box out. 

“Very funny Ri,” Jack says, turning to face him. Whatever else he was going to say dies as he takes in the sight of Rian on the floor. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Holy shit,” Jack breathes out. 

“I’m not the English teacher, but I have a whole speech planned. You know, the moment I met you, I knew. I saw you standing in the corner of Alex’s living room, yelling at him to pick better music and I knew. I wanted to commit everything to memory because that was the memory I wanted to tell everyone at our wedding. I’ve known since the minute you demanded to see my tattoo in front of everyone and practically stripped me shirtless that I wanted to marry you. You’re it for me Jack. When I was 17 and scared shitless at the idea that I liked men, I didn’t know what to do. I never felt confident or comfortable enough to come out, to be myself, to picture myself with someone like you. And then I met you and it’s all I could picture. You made me comfortable with myself, happy with myself. Your endless love and support and just being reminds me everyday how lucky I am to know you, to have met you, to have you love me. You’ve never given a shit about my depression or the way I am or my anxiety. You just remind me of brighter days, of the idea that I’m allowed to have this, to have your love. I can’t picture my life without you, without loving you. I want forever. So, will you marry me?” Rian asks. 

“Yes, what the fuck yes! Of course I’ll fucking...come here!” Jack shouts, dragging Rian up to him. He pulls Rian in for a kiss, bumped noses and teeth because they’re too excited to kiss properly. Jack leans back, tears running down his cheeks, smiling widely. 

“I was worried for a minute,” Rian jokes, pulling the ring from the box and sliding it onto Jack’s finger. Jack holds his hand out admiring it. 

“Like I would say no. Maybe all the coffee has fired your brain cells,” Jack teases. He turns to Rian, kissing him again, softer this time. 

“You never know.”

“Hell would freeze over before I said no to marrying you. You’re the love of my life,” he says, quietly. Rian smiles, pressing another kiss to his lips. 

“Hey, is something burning?” Rian asks after a few moments, when he realizes he smells smoke. 

“Oh shit!” Jack yells, turning frantically to fix the burning quesadillas, fanning the smoke to stop it from setting off the smoke detector. Rian laughs, helpless in the face of Jack’s panic, Camden’s distressed barking. It’s perfect, it’s everything Rian’s ever wanted in life. It’s everything he’s wanted since he met Jack at Alex’s brunch. It’s the life he’s always wanted.

[clumsyclifford]

oh I was WAITING for you to reblog this. here we go! C (for both atl and 5sos), I, K, M, S, T <3 love you!

team hgfdhgdfkgj that's so cute okay

C: What member do you identify with most? well i asked megs and she said "young michael" and when i asked why she said "i think you have similar energy levels" and then she said "but with them older, calum. i can't explain that one" so maybe that answers your question. ironically i think i, like megs, am both most and least like ashton, so take that how you will.

for all time low (which i did not ask megs about because she probably wouldn't know) i think jack? i feel like we worked this out in the club once maybe, and i'm pretty sure i was jack, although realistically i'm a mix of jack and alex and also rian a bit as well. i feel like...rian is very similar to my dad, so i'm probably roughly as much of rian as i am of my dad. i know that's a weird thing to say but just go with it. anyway (the way i characterize them anyway) alex is very Thinky and jack is a little more It Is What It Is which i think i am also that way, so. jack.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)? i don't know how much i would necessarily call it a guilty pleasure but i'm not gonna lie, i love it when they kiss. am definitely guilty of this when writing, one of the things i have had to learn as i've grown as a writer is that the fic does not always call for a kiss and if i try to include one anyway a lot of the time it will just feel forced. but like. i alllllwaaayyyssss want them to kiss. i'm a kissing slut what can i say.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with? maybe emo lashton installment #3? or #2? idk it’s hard for me to think that my ideas are angsty when most of them end well. like i wrote a prompt fic (here) where ashton’s childhood home burned down, but like. no one died. and there’s this fic in spideyverse where luke gets really hurt and michael has to fix him up but again he ends up being fine? oh ho ho maybe the four-part fic series based on when the light hits the room by jc stewart, that’s a mashton breakup series but they only get back together in the fourth fic and the second one (you have come and gone (now you’re just a number on my telephone)) is pretty angsty. i’m realizing that me saying numbers here is absolutely meaningless unless you have the encyclopedic knowledge of my fic catalogue that i have but. whatever. wait also for atl fics i have to add the jalex breakup fic (my waves meet your shore ever and evermore) and also the post-apocalypse fic (ashes to ashes) both decidedly angsty. AND THE WORST OF YOU FIC. actually worst of you might win just because i NEVER write about toxic relationships so that one is really a standout. sorry team you gave me the opportunity to analyze my fics and you must have forgotten that i’m a leo aka self-obsessed so now here we are

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share? hmmm ones i would care to share? every idea i’ve ever had is slipping my mind. i haven’t written in a hot sec so i feel like my writing brain has been switched off one sec let me go look at my ideas nest . OH well. okay so. every time i learn something new in my sensation & perception class my instinct is to go “how can i make this a fic” SO. my professor, whom i fucking love, was telling us about different ways that hearing loss can occur, and she said that temporary hearing loss can happen a number of ways and THEN she told us this story about how she one time took a long flight while she had a bad cold, and the medicine that she took for her cold wore off while she was on the flight, and the elevation + the congestion led to her losing her hearing for THREE DAYS. so naturally i was like oh? temporary hearing loss from a non-traumatic incident that went away on its own and had no lasting effects? i can do something with this.

of course i haven’t written in a minute like i said but to be fair i had forgotten about this idea and telling you about it just now made me wanna write it. even more fun because i know the science behind why it would happen like anatomically. but also i just think it would be fun. the shenanigans that would ensue. hand gesture communication. i would like to see it. so there you go. that one is the most early stages that an idea can be (i.e. jotted down in my personal discord server) but hopefully that will not be true for too long.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist? friendship? is that a lame/obvious answer? do i even know fandom tropes? there probably aren’t ones i “can’t resist” hmmm actually maybe anything sibling-related but i feel like those are pretty rare not that i’m an expert but i feel like i may be the leading effort on sibling-centric 5sos fics and that is not saying much considering how much i don’t write for 5sos at the moment lmao. i like when things that we know about in real life are included in fics like alex and rian’s tendency to just Always Kiss just for funsies or that luke can’t cook or that ashton like meditates or whatever. this is not always true though some real life things are things i don’t care for but that’s just a question of personal taste. and that is NOT what this question is asking me anyway

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand? i very very poorly attempted to answer this here and i cannot do it again hdfgdsflkjg

fanfic ask game

[wlwparkner]

a love like war, by all time low

i have such a thing about writing CONCEPTS for songfics but never actually writing the songfics?? so have this mess of an idea for this song. all time low belongs to parkner every atl song sounds like i could write a parkner fic to it. this is uhhhh a bit nsfw in places tho so look out

this is such a good opportunity for soft!goodguy!harley and asshole!genius!billionaire!playboy!peter

‘make a wish on our sorry little hearts have a smoke pour a drink steal a kiss in the dark’ peter stark- tony stark’s adoptive son (i fucking hate this trope but it WORKS ok??)- is basically a young tony stark, he goes out partying one night & meets harley + they end up fucking (‘fingernails on my skin like the teeth of a shark im intoxicated by the lights’)

peter definitely knows theres something more than just basic attraction there + maybe thats why he calls the number harley left (its just for sex its just for sex its just for sex) keep telling yourself that peter

‘in the chill of your stare i am painfully lost like a deer in the lights of an oncoming bus’ harley KNOWS peter stark isnt good for him they lead totally different lives but ‘for the thrill of your touch i will shamefully lust as you tell me we’re nothing but trouble’ both of them know what they have will never work but theyre magnetic to each other

‘heart’s on fire tonight feel my bones ignite feels like war, war, feels like war, war’ eventually it gets to a point neither of them can deny its beyond the physical now but they still dont acknowledge it- theyre still having hate sex tbH

‘we go together or we dont go down at all we go together or we dont go down at all woah’ harley accidentally tells peter he loves him and he shuts the fuck down ghosts harley’s ass

‘fail safe trigger lock down call wipe the dry clean slate quick sound the alarm’ they meet again and have the MADDEST sex peter books an entire hotel suite and they bang on every piece of furniture… several times… top!harley because fuck you thats why he deserves to choke peter with his cock to shut him up

‘no escape from the truth and the weight of it all i am caught in the web of a lie’ after some particularly intense sex peter,,,,,, breaks down,,,, about his life…. because, like, he KN OWS hes got it so much better than almost everyone else and god knows he shouldnt be complaining when he doesnt even know what harley has going on in his life but sometimes its so hard!!!! because!!! everyone!!! expects!!! you!! to!! be!! and!! act! a!! certain!! way! and!!! he didnt even want this to be his life you mustve seen the shit he was doing when he was 15!!! but look at him now at 19! all the media cares about is the girls! and the parties! do you know hes never even smoked a cigarette?? and hes very openly bi! and advocates for lgbtq rights and protests against climate change and racism!! but nobody cares!!! and he just wants someone to care, fuck, harley, i just need somebody who cares

...ouch

‘and the bitch of it all is that i’m running from the desire of the people to whom i belong’ is basically what he says- he’s running from the media but,,,, thats where he comes from and he wouldnt have any of the good in his life if it werent for them and ‘at the end of the day you can tell me im wrong cause you went to all of this trouble’ would harley have even noticed him if he wasnt peter stark?? would he be putting up with his bullshit now??? because this cant just be because hes good in bed ok??

i love you, stark, you fucking idiot