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#why can’t u just be fucking normal
angelstitss · 5 months
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i have nothing else to say about this. i am absolutely batshit.
confused? let me show you because after my months of analyzing this song i did not see this a SINGLE TIME until it was pointed out to me.
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i’m going batshit insane. this is the reason why i need to be locked in a padded room.
right after alastor said that vox asked him to join his “team” and alastor said no.
there is no other explanation for this.
LALALALA IM GONNA DIE ‼️‼️‼️
WHAT WAS THE FUCKING REASON.
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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months
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you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.
#it’s genuinely such a horrifying sixkening thing that they unveil. what was done to the master.#and it’s like. it’s so important that he is awful. he really is. but he still does not deserve to have had this done to him.#the drums are a tragedy that cannot. would not. be a punishment earned no matter how terrible he is.#they’re such a violation of his mind. isolating and constant and violent. and it drives me insane that this is just. in the show. okay cool#ill never be normal again.#they literally pulled his head open. during a ceremony that we. as far as i know. have to assume is not exactly voluntary. and is at the#best of times. already traumatic and horrifying. but they went into that moment and they put the drums in his head and they made him into#something repulsive to them. because they did that to him! in this thing alone the master had no agency and no way out and this thing that#was done *to* him is what makes him. to them. a broken thing now past its usefulness now that he’s done what they wanted him to.#sorry im rotating him in my head again and again. this is the thing that makes him ‘diseased’. it’s that they chose to do this to him. there#is nothing he could do to not be this. he was a child and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. he’s an adult and he’s#doing the impossible exactly like they shaped him to do and he can’t stop this from having happened to him. so he might as well follow the#drums. and then. and then rassilon calls him diseased. and im going to. lose it.#there was nothing he could have done…………..#everywhere else he has choices to make and he can burn the world and keep it as a toy and he can fuck with the doctor and he can do.#anything. anything he wants. but he can’t. there’s nothing he can do to make it stop. there’s nothing he can do to make it so this never#happened to him. and i am spinning in circles here do u see why he makes me insane.#and the doctor doesn’t even really fucking believe him that the drums are real until the master makes him listen……. oh im going to be ill.#doctor who#simm!master#the master
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autistic-katara · 7 months
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can’t wait until t makes me masc enough that i can crossdress w/o dysphoria killing me
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solar-halos · 25 days
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Hey!! 2, 6, 24 for the ask game? <3
hi!! <3 thank u for the ask, these questions were so cute and fun!!
2. show us a picture of your handwriting?
i don’t want to jump scare anyone so i will be including a pic under the cut… prepare urself
6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?
hmmm. i would say the best (and sappiest) part is finding a community u rlly vibe with/just finding ur niche in general. and then not to be negative but i feel like people who are online too much get way too comfortable with being sorta mean. like sometimes i think im online too much and then i see someone hating a lil too hard and its like oh yeah no… im fine
24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?
writing-wise im so proud of completing the odesta longfic!! personal-wise… well… i recently developed a pretty fierce backbone B)
ok here is my handwriting reveal. i didn’t know what to write so obv i went w the name ive probably written more than my own (and by written i mean typed… just to be clear)
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konshokoentaiko · 2 months
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i always thought i was a very typical enemies to lovers girlie but i think i just realized my actual taste in ships is the dynamic where the two are supposedly equal rivals/enemies who represent diametrically opposed themes (for the Aesthetic), but in actuality it’s just one of them yanking the other around on a chain while the other whines and rages and protests and ultimately makes an absolute spectacle of themselves
so uhhh. how did THAT happen and when and why
#L and light fit this dynamic bc my mental model of their conversations is like this#L shoots light a question mostly meant to fuck with him and it works bc light instantly starts running in around in circles in his brain#he’s like a circus performer juggling ten rings on a tightrope. obsessively constructing his answer based on what he imagines he looks like#in L's eyes. he's like... a peacock strutting around with his feathers out or some shit. so easily provoked. he's doing this to himself!!!#this is not even mentioning that L had light on a literal leash (that's what im calling the chain.) but anyways#i started shipping them in yotsuba arc and it was the moment where light did a thing in hunting down yotsuba and L was like hmm. good boy.#(me: having visions of light's brain shorting out in this moment (bc the praise kink shit is so real and personal to me))#but then he turns it into another test: you're so good you could replace me actually. and then light just calls him on it in front of the#whole task force with this big dramatic speech like he'd reached into L's brain and pulled the thoughts directly from his head#light is constantly performing at L's whims and he hates it ofc. he's under investigation; why wouldn't he? but secretly he's having the#time of his life bc he's a bit deranged and he likes showing off!!! to L!!!#out of all versions of light i think yotsuba!light felt most strongly about having Something To Prove. to everyone and to L specifically#at this point after the fake-memory kira shenanigans he's def not a normal strait-laced boy even if he's pretending very hard to be one#theres so much u can do w that dynamic imo. like it isnt just neutered kira vs L it's got its own flavor that can only exist at that time#especially if u also assume L realizes light has lost his memories and is kinda trying to manipulate him about it#anyways back to my original point. i can't believe it took an anthropomorphic tv man hitting the base versions of my tastes with deadly#precision for me to even realize what they were. im going insane about this. thank you anthropomorphic tv man. i guess#this is also why alastor + lucifer isn’t doing it for me i think. hating each other over power levels? or over charlie? boringgg#it’s gotta be more personal than that. they’re more evenly matched in how they feel about each other but it feels soulless#i need that raw gut churning angst lmaooo#this is also partly why i can’t get into angel + husk and im MAD about it. i think they’re the kind of ship i might’ve liked back when i#was 12 and losing it over sns (naruto) for the first time. but now i’m a diff type of person apparently
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ajxrn-archive · 2 months
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I’m going to. rip my fucking hair out.
#Why why why can’t I enjoy anything ever like it’s so draining I can’t even explain it#Everything makes me anxious and I really REALLY don’t think thats normal nor do I think it’s just general anxiety#I want. answers genuinely but no I can’t see help because of my mom. I probably won’t be able to find out what my fucking problem is until#I’m like. 18 or older#Well into my 20s even#Fuck. it’s like. would I even be able to afford a therapist.#especially if I got disowned/kicked out#I keep trying to convince my mom to get me help/try to get me a diagnosis#and she just doesn’t want to fucking. help me. it’s not even a money thing it’s the fact she DOESNT GIVE A FUCK about her child’s mental#problems and health. Besides if I got diagnosed with like. adhd like everyone says I have (I think it could be that or something deeper) it#would literally end in her getting MORE FUCKING MONEY like our homeschool funds thing would give us more money for like#disability or whatever. if it were adhd. I forget.#I’m trying to use that to convince her and she just doesn’t listen#but honestly it’s like. what’s the point. I know I would feel better if I had a diagnosis because I would know the actual cause of my issue#and would easily find ways to combat it and help myself instead of listening to everyone say I have adhd without a diagnosis and go by that#Because everything I do to try and help with adhd doesn’t fucking work with my deeper mental issues.#And to be really honest I think it’s a personality disorder and I’ve done my own research and I show majority of BPD symptoms#And it’s commonly mistook for adhd. But I would NEVER express that to my mom because she would twist it into me being abusive and awful#again like. fuck even if I can’t get medicated I know I would feel so. so much better about myself knowing WHY I’m like this#Instead of living my life questioning what the fuck is wrong with me#I’m so sick of being different#if you read this. why would u put urself through that.
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twistedappletree · 4 months
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we could be really cute roller skating besties who jam to vaporwave and mallsoft in the city at sunset but nobody i know wants to leAVE THEIR FUCKING HOUSE & TRY NEW THINGS
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cartoon-skeleton · 7 months
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I hate school so fucking much lol and I always just thought I was taking too many credits but this semester I finally took a normal amount of credits and it doesn’t matter. It’s not the amount of classes, it’s just having any classes at all. I feel like there was definitely a time where I could handle it but not anymore lmfao… this place was crazy. Sent me into my first real and scary panic attack, broke me out in stress hives, ruined my sleep, turned me into a mega hater…. smh. I know it could be a million times worse so I feel bad for complaining but it was not cool. All I can hope for is that my degree and good grades that I damn near died trying to get for literally no reason do me some good in real society tho I doubt it lmao
#like why did I try so hard lmfao…… I don’t need a 4.0 I’m not going to grad school I’d rather kms#I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was trying that hard I just thought that’s how hard I was supposed to try#IDK!!!!#I have never been good at knowing how much effort to put into things my entire life#I give everything 110 percent when it feels like I’m giving it like. Idk. 80 percent#everyone calls me a perfectionist and IM NOT TRYING TO BE LOL I don’t know how to gauge what I can or can’t be dismissive of!!!#it’s hard for me to discuss this problem I have without it sounding like I’m being like ‘omg I’m so smart that I do everything perfect by#accident’#THATS NOT WHAT I MEEEEAAAN#whatever#some people’s mental health issues make their grades tank but I have never had below an A- in my life and if u ask me that is also#indicative of an issue like LOL. if your child is like that then get them help for fucking real#ugh I love my mom and it’s not her fault but when I was a kid I was literally bawling and having stress headaches and canker sores DAILY#after school and being unable to sleep because I was so afraid of going the next day#and she was just like. ‘I was like that too :) it’s normal. you’re just a perfectionist’#ACTUALLY IM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND FOR NO REASON but okay#ok sorry let me just shout out some gratitude tho to the handful of teachers I had who were epic and had swag#I loved them#they didn’t make up for the rest of this bullshit though LOL
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lilgynt · 8 months
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ANYWAY. so one every break i had this dude was on as well which for my company there’s no set like times so u take ur breaks when u want so i was like oh. he’s noticing when i get up and not coming back then leaves to take his as well. word. mf starts talking to me while i have WIRED headphones in and even commented on them 😭😭😭 anyway fast forward to my lunch and i have to cut it short bc im cooked as far as work but i get my shit in the micro BAM. he’s there. so anyway he asks if he can sit and chat and there no way to be like no ❤️ politely so i’m like sure but i am gonna scroll on my phone so do that and he asked yesterday and he asks again today like oh what are ur weekend plans and then he’s like do u want to go to this show with me and im like no i have plans which i do then hes like wanna grab sushi since we both like seafood so i point blank say like a date? bc i dont want to date a coworker and he back tracks like WOAH. did you think i was hitting on you my bad i really need to change my charisma bc like everyone thinks im hitting on you which is why i stopped talking to you for a minute and im like no dont worry just usually when people ask me to dinner and a show it’s a date also damn im fr in the rumor mill already and he’s like no more me and im like well im by proxy and he’s like 😳 anyway im like i don’t wanna shit where i eat and he agrees and talks about a girl he got with who works here and hows it awkward and then leaves shortly after and it’s like RAHHHHHHHHH I JUST WNAN FUCKIN WORKKKKKKKKKKKK
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tortelorrini · 11 months
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Man I love dndads season 2 I wish it was good
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peapod20001 · 1 year
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I wonder how many times I’ve googled whether I’m having a panic attack or an anxiety attack...
#vent#hohohahhaoho anyways#I am sooooo bad responding to things....#anyways I’m literally less than five seconds my heartbeat shot up to 144 bpm so. fun <3 my lucky number 44 wouldn’t have it any other way#anyways I need to cry but I can’t cry so you understand. I’m pacing my room and standing with locked knees#and trying not to fumble or bump into things while makin my sister a snack while smilin and being normal <3#do u understand. ough what is with TODAY whhhhh. is it the aderall?? did the adderall fuck me up today?? or ?? wha??#oghghgg why am I so sweaty JUST in my pits like that’s the WORST spot to be sweaty in#kitty is here <3 she can sense when I’m crazy ���🤪#I’m at 160 now <3 ogohohoo ahhhhh I can’t lay down right like that the one thing you shouldn’t do with a fast heart rate#hoho anyways the crippling fear of not being who I need to be for the people I need in order to be#sounds chaotic and strange cus of phrasing but. you understand#anyways my heart doesn’t even get like this when I’m like. performing a full page monologue in front of my peers#I can pretend to be a cat for a minute and a half and tell the dog to stay in their place and not get into mine#uhmmm yea idk I want people to feel comfortable being serious around me and prove I’m the friend to go to for things or be the one who under#understands. but I always feel like. a pariah. is that the word? idk. when I feel confronted with things all I can do is like. run away. cry#suffer alone cus it’s what I deserve. yeaaaa I’m going insane can you tell I think this is the first time since like. February where I feeL#SO bad ugh idk what. I did this to myself the fuck?? haha. hope it doesn’t stress me to hair loss and skin picking and disorderd eating and#bad (or should I say worse HA) sleep habits. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry my problems are minuscule to others and I haven’t had a day of#any real discrimination or struggle in my life#i have everything I need. all I have to worry about is doing class work and attending lectures and watching plays. I don’t have to get thing#a myself or worry about food or a place to live. wooofff uhmmm. I wish I had someone here to squeeze me until I don’t feel like crying any#more. oh I feel so bad what the hell. and my nail is breaking ahahaha imagine. a life where my biggest problem I have to face is#a nail breaking mhmhmhaha#haha when you hold in your tears so hard your nose drenches your chin. sorry that’s gross ahaha idk what I’m doing flooding your dash with.#whatever this is. I’ll try to stop now. sorry
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ghosthart · 1 year
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why is it so hard for me to just not be jealous of my former classmates like girl u made ur life this way 😐 idk just realizing why i quit insta 3 yrs ago
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1roentgen · 1 month
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thewingedwolf · 7 months
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i’ve never been able to truly get into the summer i turned pretty because i actually refuse to read “two siblings married to the same person” threesome stories bc like,,,, i have to draw the line somewhere okay but even as a teenager i read the series and went “this one actually would have worked if they just both were with belly” and how dare jenny han make me think that thought!!!!
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robotiv · 8 months
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wore the “got teeth?” shirt to work today 👍🏻 (venting about my work day in the tags. Sorry)
#adri.txt#face#work today was. really really hard#i was rolling a misc cart aka putting miscellaneous items out on the floor#and i was being timed and then after that one i had to do the rest of them and time myself#and i was putting out bags of assorted toys#and my store manager was there just shopping w her daughter. not working. just shopping#and she asked me how i was doing and i was like. yeah well there’s a lot of toys to be put out and im running out of room#so she’s like. oh ok. and starts taking the toy bags from over two weeks ago off the wall#and her daughter asked her why she was working and she said it was bc i was having trouble#and it’s like. i was. but. i don’t know. and then i just stood there looking stupid while she did that#i just hated it. it literally sounds like nothing but it felt so awful i can’t explain it#it was literally the most nothing situation ever it wasn’t a big deal but it made me cry#and then after i finished rolling the cart i went into the bathroom to cry#and then i asked my supervisor if i could do literally anything else for the rest of my shift#bc rolling misc was really overwhelming for some reason#and she was like yes u can do overs and unders and i was like. thank u. *is crying*#literally nothing was wrong. nothing bad was happening. i was just freaking out#just freaking the fuck out for no reason .. i just hate it. and i hate myself for reacting that way.#i wish i was normal and could deal with things normally#i feel like no one understood why i was freaking out. and like. fair bc idk if i even do#but even my work bestie seemed confused (supportive but confused) and i just felt so embarrassed#ugh. whatever.#vent over. sorry
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