#why do drafts and asks when can do no braincell things instead

[aeviare]

{like for a one liner that's a quote out of context~}

[rambling-stardust]

THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE DIRTY

headcanons w mini drabbles for one piece's monster trio on the different sides of dating them.

afab! reader implied, gender neutral pronouns except sanji's portion

characters: luffy, zoro, sanji 4.4k words a/n: thought this would be a good first post for my new writing blog<3 my drafts have been piling up forever lol

❥ monkey d luffy

the good

so in tune with his emotions

what he likes, dislikes, etc. he makes very clear, so pleasing him is such an easy task!

tbh i see him still being surprised even when you outright ask him what he wants

why is he so starry-eyed from the plate of bacon you're offering him? he said he was hungry, and sanji did tell you to help yourself to the leftovers from breakfast...

similarly, the strawhat captain isn't afraid to just go for it when he wants something

once it's clear you're both experiencing the same kind of feelings, this only doubles

physical affection is the perfect example of this

the sudden urge to hold your hand? he's reaching to lace your fingers together without a second thought. rubbery limbs are constantly wrapping around you in loops, luffy putting his whole heart into embracing you like he does anything else

in his mind, it's something that makes you both happy— so why fight it? especially when everything is "sooo much funner with you around!"

"You'd think they were attached at the hip," Zoro's grunt of a remark cut through the quiet on the upper deck. With the sea breeze teasing their clothes and hair, Nami brushed a few stray locks from her peripheral to follow the swordsman's gaze— only to land on their captain some distance away, with his arms hooked over your shoulders so he could cling to your back.

The added weight clearly disrupted your lounging, the navigator having seen you peacefully cloud-watching alone minutes prior, but there was no scolding or shoving like there would've been with some of the other crew. You seemed fine with it actually.

Rolling her eyes, Nami looked back down at the log pose that adorned her wrist. "If that's surprising to you, you're more clueless than I thought."

Oblivious to the now-bickering onlookers, you shot a small smile over your shoulder at Luffy. Though the signature hat on his head blocked most of his face from view at this angle, you could still see the edges of the dazzling smile that immediately surfaced in turn.

"You sure you don't wanna fish with Usopp and Chopper instead?" you softly question, fingers reaching up to trace invisible patterns across Luffy's arms, then wrists, then knuckles.

The captain insistently shook his head, ducking further into your neck until you felt the slight scratch of straw and the tickle of air from each exhale. "I like spending time with you." The answer was said simply, leaving no room for debate. It made your smile grow.

"Even doing nothing?"

Laughter, then— the kind Luffy did when he thought a question was silly. You knew it all too well.

"It's always something! Because we're together. Duh!"

the bad

not a single functioning braincell

okay, cutting the poor guy some slack, luffy isn't exactly stupid. in fact, there are plenty of times he's caught onto things faster than others

but don't let this convince you he's the next philosopher of our era

this oblivious man can miss signals that are the equivalent of a giant neon sign. this causes misunderstandings like no other

which brings me to the subject of the captain's stubbornness

you'll never understand how someone with so little patience can still manage to be one of the most stubborn pirates throughout the sea

it'd be amazing if that stubbornness could be used for the benefit of the crew, if you could somehow make him sit out battles, or stand off against his monstrous appetite...

however, what luffy often refuses to budge on are matters of the heart. good luck introducing any kind of logic to that

The symphony of battle was one you never quite got used to. Even now, after all the progress you've made, the adventures you've been on and endured... Sometimes it could still be overwhelming.

The clanging of swords and cries of rage. The explosions, both close and far. The shuddering sobs of the dying.

But right now, all you could hear was your own desperate begging— reverberating around your skull.

"Don't do this, Luffy. Please."

"I've made up my mind." The captain's answer was low, rough. Fitting, considering the anger twisting his features. Regardless of the fact it wasn't directed at you, the raw power in that stare made you shudder.

You had a terrible, terrible feeling about this.

"Please, Luffy! Don't—" you were choking on the words. You didn't want to say it, but you were grasping at straws. Nothing was working, none of the usual methods you'd learned over the months spent with the crew to distract or redirect Luffy's recklessness had any effect right now. "Don't be stupid! We need more time, more help! If we can just get back to the—"

"Shut up! I'm gonna end this now. I'll make it back, I promise." This was clearly the limit to his patience; the rubber man throwing an arm out, stretching it far in preparation to slingshot himself right to the heart of the enemy. Right to the strongest enemy he's faced yet.

You knew you should have faith in your captain, knew you should cry out in support of his strength and determination, but all you could feel right now is dread. Nothing was going to plan.

Before you could get another word in, your lover is gone, soaring across the sea of fighters.

the dirty (nsfw tags: public sex, alluded creampie, slight size kink)

a common war within luffy is the previously-mentioned obliviousness versus that naturally sharp set of instincts that have miraculously kept him alive

he's probably aware of sex in a roundabout way— sometimes people get together, touch in certain ways, and then go about their day?

definitely had some companions try to explain it to him, for his sake and safety, but didn't listen AT ALL because it just didn't catch his attention

however, with some hands-on experience... let's just say it has more impact on him

suddenly there are all these fun things to do, in different ways, in different places even! the combinations and experimentation get him hooked the most

good luck trying to keep any of your sex life private though

not only is he a blabbermouth, answering questions honestly without any hesitation— but it's also way too easy to give in to his spontaneous (and risky) whims...

your "secret" is out maybe a week or two after his introduction to this new, addicting pleasure

Nami owed you big time for this.

The money-hungry thief had set her gaze upon a new mark that was quite typical for the crew's adventures. The Strawhat Pirates were currently being honored with a royal banquet— and banquets usually meant castles or strongholds of some kind, which meant treasuries.

So the plan was mind-numbingly simple: keep the party going until your gracious hosts were robbed blind by your navigator.

The thing was, another common thing with these banquets was the hero treatment. So really the plan was easier said than done when your dear captain hated being called a hero and often jumped at the chance to leave such affairs after having his fill of food. Luffy never liked to sit in one place for long, and the plates had cleared out long ago. Only guests drunk on mirth and booze remained— cheering and shouting and singing.

When the captain's gaze combed through the crowds, landing on his various crew members, you immediately recognized the pattern: he wanted to find his companions and leave.

Thus came your role.

It was always easiest to capture your captain's 'attention' after he won a fight. It made sense, really: a post-battle celebration hosted all sorts of emotions from the aftermath of combat. Adrenaline, relief, desperation...

And never before were you more aware of the latter, your chest flush against the stone wall as muscle caged you in from all sides. Luffy's hands were gripping desperately onto your waist as he thrust into you like his life depended on it, a mix of cum and slick arousal clinging to the inside of your spread thighs. His gaze, though half-lidded, was intensely focused on where the two of you joined.

The plan initially involved a room, but in hindsight you'd already been a little needy for your boyfriend, so you may have done your job a little too well. You'd reflect more on it, but that coiling feeling in your core was far more compelling, especially when the hips behind you stuttered in their rhythm— Luffy shoving his throbbing cock deeper with small, broken circles. This time he'd pull you over the edge with him.

With the noises he was making into your neck, you had the fleeting thought that you were sure to get caught any second: after all, you'd only turned a few empty halls before settling for the wall. But you couldn't help it at this point. How could you deny yourself when the both of you were just so close?

❥ roronoa zoro

the good

this swordsman is the epitome of security

say hello to your new favorite safe space: zoro's arms

after an especially long or hard day, words don't even need to be spoken— he's folding you into his arms, and the familiar drum of his steady heartbeat echoes in your ears

you can always count on him for refreshing alone time

need a getaway from it all? you've got the strawhat's first mate around your little finger, dear, just give him that look and he'll be pulling you away from the group to have some space to breathe

he understands the demons one can mentally battle while the outside world remains ignorant, the weight of intrusive thoughts

which, despite being abrasive about it, zoro will always make sure to express his gratitude to you in small ways

it might feel passive aggressive, the way he's shoving a coat over your shoulders, but would you rather catch a stupid cold?

poke fun at these subtle generosities and the swordsman will get so pouty and pink

Maybe you were just weird, but there was something melancholic in the aftermath of a marvelous adventure. In the departure and days after, as you ease back into the quiet in-between moments on the sea.

Sometimes there's a restless itch under your skin during these weeks when the action is sparse. You know the rest of the crew can relate in their own ways.

But you think Zoro understands a little better than the others.

The first couple of times you'd squirreled away in the crow's nest on his watch, the swordsman would shoot you a weird look or even grumble about peace and alone time. However, he never explicitly asked you to leave, and so you remained.

It became a habit, these quiet hangouts, until one day you broke the silence.

"Does the training help?" you inquire aloud. Later you'd blame the exhaustion you'd felt at the time— it was late into Zoro's overnight watch, and he barely broke a sweat over the entire weight training period.

The faint rattling of metal sounded when the bar abruptly stopped, and Zoro met your curious gaze with a confused one. "Hah? What are you on about?"

Nervously, you fidgeted. "I know training makes you stronger. But... I guess I'm just asking if sometimes you train because it's something to... to keep yourself busy. Y'know," you gestured vaguely. "That restlessness thing."

Green brows relaxed, something in his eyes softening. Or maybe you were just sleep-deprived.

"I train to get stronger, and stay stronger," he answers, resuming the lift and drop of the barbell. Then another pause, although briefer. "But it's not too bad for that either."

"Hm..." Somehow you felt dissatisfied with the answer, but you didn't push. Instead, you balanced the weight of your head on your palm, fingers curling over your cheek.

"So does watching help any better?" It was facetious, teasing even. Heat immediately spread across your face.

It... Kind of does.

the bad

literally SO prideful it's infuriating

teaching this man vulnerability will be a full time job with no vacation pay, no 401k, nada. zip. might as well be raising a teenage boy who's father is toxic masculinity

also on that subject, i feel like he doesn't know how to handle emotional situations very well

gets better over time in the relationship, with guidance, but at the beginning?

ohhh boy, better reconsider going to him for coddling. chopper or robin would be a better pick for that...

double goes for trying to ask in front of others. i can just imagine you asking for reassurance and he'd just offer shallow, borderline inconsiderate advice only for nami to beat some sense into him...

power through his fear of emotional intimacy with him and you can get through ANYTHING bestie

good luck though because this man would rather shoulder the world for eternity than admit he needs help

The patience of a saint would still not be enough to handle this situation, is what you tell yourself. It's understandable if someone doesn't want to talk about something upsetting.

Last week had been hard for everyone. The entire crew grieved in their own ways, the Sunny a little quieter following the troubling loss you'd suffered at the last island.

A reminder to constantly improve, because there are always stronger foes to face.

The realization that you'd not seen Zoro since the incident struck you like a physical blow, winding you and making the next breath a little rushed. One could only imagine what was going through his head.

So, as his... friend— a complicated subject, really, and a headache you didn't need right now— you searched for him. To make sure he was alright.

However, you weren't expecting this much hostility in response to a simple inquiry. You just wanted to know if the dumbass was alright.

Whatever happened from his end of the battlefield must have been particularly triggering. Your brain ran wild with theories, speculating if it dug into his past. Maybe even his childhood. What kind of grief and scars were reopened by the things he witnessed that day.

At the very least, you wanted to offer some sort of companionship in the pain and misery. Remind the swordsman that he's not alone on the bitter nights.

Clearly, that invitation wasn't welcome.

"I don't need anyone's pity! If you want someone to cry with go bitch to Chopper or something," Zoro barks, all scowls and tension where he sat cross-legged on the deck.

Angry tears sting your eyes, and you don't know if you'd survive the humiliation of them being seen and confused for something they're not. So instead, you spin on your heel, taking his advice.

You retreat to the women's quarters, heart twisting painfully in your chest. Eyes practically burn their gaze into your back as you go.

the dirty (nsfw tags: possessiveness, rough play, degradation, praise)

zoro is a one night stand that turns into two. which turns into three. which then becomes a situationship i don't make the rules

i imagine both of you manage to convince yourselves that it's what the other wants, followed with further delusions of 'i can totally do this without catching feelings'

spoiler alert: there's already feelings

this is really evident when jealousy and possessiveness slip through— zoro is particularly susceptible to fucking out his frustrations after withstanding jealousy for so long

loves to mix degradation and praise. "pretty slut" is a favorite, but new terms come into play from time to time

will play rough and leave marks, even if you have to compromise and convince him to scatter them where you can easily cover the bites and bruises up

ask him to be gentle and he'll try

You couldn't say how you'd wound up here again. The situation was familiar, one that was surely getting too comfortable to be safe— but it was hard to say no to something that felt this amazing.

Joining The Strawhats was an adventure: an exhilarating one that you could only predict in your wildest dreams. But what you've found amidst the crew was a more dangerous, more... carnal thrill.

It was unexpected, but Roronoa Zoro was beginning to be your absolute downfall.

You could— and often did, these days— find yourself getting lost in the way your bodies meld together, head swimming from the unpredictable filth that would spew from his lips.

Why did it feel so good to be called a whore? To be demeaned and then uplifted in a whirlwind of lust? It was undeniable, the way you would clench desperately around Zoro's length each time he retreated from your heat with mean taunts; and the way he'd chuckle, the sound pure sin, before filling you once more. The little praises he'd sneak in, gems among the insults, only serve as better kindling to feed the fire raging in your lower stomach.

Though you had to admit you enjoyed this as much, if not just a little more. Seeing the swordsman beneath you as you ride him, hypnotized by the occasional strain of corded muscle, settles the icky feeling that had been lingering behind your ribs earlier at the bar. When some of the women from the town your crew was visiting tried to chat him up, batting their lashes and tossing their hair.

Another obscene noise is pulled from the man below you, and you can no longer fight the urge to collide your lips with his in a brutal kiss.

It's messy, full of teeth and drool and whines that are pushed from you each time Zoro snaps his hips up just right.

"'M gonna cum," you warn after putting a few inches between your lips and his, the words rushed and desperate. It's the only chance you get before he's pulling you back into that kiss with a harsh grip on your hair— tingles of pain simply sparking into a new, unique kind of pleasure.

"Do it," Zoro hisses against your ear. "Be a good slut and say who you belong to."

Maybe it's not so crazy that his kiss feels like it's claiming you, too.

❥ vinsmoke sanji

the good

might as well start introducing yourself as royalty because you're never getting anything less from this lover boy

he will pamper you and do his best to fulfill your every whim! would serve you the universe on a shiny silver platter. no, gold! no, an entire diamond eatery set!

honestly, no one will boost you more. sanji is your number one fan and will constantly strive to make you love yourself as much as he does

you won't ever have to even fathom being undesirable because this chef will not stand for it for even a second

could list a million different characteristics he adores about you for every single negative remark you could come up with

all he asks for in return is your attention, and to be around you<3

"It looks like someone's got an admirer," came Robin's amused voice from your left, startling you from your reverie.

"Robin! You just love sneaking up on me," you dramatically sigh, recomposing yourself before making a scrunched-up expression of confusion. "Admirer?"

The archaeologist simply laughed under her breath, peering at you from over her sunglasses as she tipped them down. "I can't even say a secret admirer. I'm afraid it's quite obvious— Nami and I noticed immediately."

You weren't above pouting. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

With one brow arched, the woman pointed a delicate finger down to the table before you.

Out on the deck, a table with a fancy cloth and delicate glassware was oh-so-carefully set; and the metaphorical cherry on top was the mouth-watering delicacies stacked atop. Sanji— obviously the one behind the romantically-designed dinner— had to physically fight off the ravenous Strawhat captain as the gluttonous pirate stalked the meal like a starving predator.

Not one to turn down a delicious meal, and hating the thought of Sanji's efforts as food bodyguard against Luffy going to waste, you didn't waste time asking questions and simply enjoyed the gift. The renowned chef, all the while, gushed and cooed in the background after Luffy finally realized there was no food for him.

"C'mon, you're smarter than that. You really think he doesn't mean anything out of all this?"

Heat prickled at your cheeks. Sanji's behavior was certainly flirtatious, but it was easy to understand why outsiders would confuse it for a genuine advance. But Robin? She should've understood your fellow crewmate better.

"It's not like that. Sanji treats every woman like this!"

Robin was giving you that amused, I-know-something-you-don't expression again. "Perhaps. But I've never seen him quite so smitten with every little reaction before, either." Her gaze left yours, roaming slightly to the right, and instinctively you were turning your head to follow it.

Meeting eyes with the ship's cook, you swear your heart skips a beat as his face immediately falls into a lovesick look, eyes practically hearts as he swooned and darted to your side.

"Everything was to your satisfaction, my dear?"

the bad

regardless if you mind clinginess or not, i can guarantee even you will need a break from him at some point or another

he's happy being together every second of every day without pause. sleep, wake, eat, shower together— the more time to cherish you, the merrier, so if you want personal space... you're gonna have to break his heart

just a little bit! only for the hour, or day. he'll sulk and pout every moment you're away, not unlike a puppy.

which reminds me: you will have to keep a tight hold on this man's leash

don't get the guy wrong, a committed relationship is sacred to keep! he'll keep certain things special for just you two, however...

sanji could never ignore a gorgeous lady. single or not

beauty is meant to be admired, right? well, he'll certainly admire them

If someone asked why you'd fallen for Sanji, any other time you could give them quite the winding list of qualities your boyfriend portrayed. In fact, despite the rough day, it's with startling clarity you realize you still could list those things about him.

Sanji was sweet. Romantic. Considerate, gentlemanly, talented, and generous.

Too generous.

Sometimes you seriously questioned how you managed to develop feelings for a total pervert. It felt like you'd gone through every stage of grief with this characteristic of his: denial, bartering, depression...

Currently? You're in the anger stage and would prefer to keep a five-mile radius between yourself and the blond.

"Princess, please," Sanji's apologetic whining can be heard from behind the door, the handle remaining untouched as his mannerly side showed face: he wouldn't cross that boundary, you would open the door when you were good and ready.

You wanted to be. God, you did. But... it was just so infuriating, the way he fawned after that dancer on the street.

...However beautiful she may have been. You weren't totally spiteful, even you could admit the woman was drop-dead gorgeous.

The frown on your face only deepened. You didn't want to sound like an insolent teen: you think she's prettier than me! So instead, you decided the best option was some time and space. You could get over your jealousy, then go back to your love when you were ready.

A little voice in the back of your head nagged that would probably happen before lunchtime.

the dirty (nsfw tags: praise kink, oral & fingering, switch dynamics)

an absolute service switch. sanji is there to please, indulging in the entire experience from start to finish.

like fine dining, you don't messily inhale all the food on your plate: first you revel in the aroma, admire the texture, sift through the different flavors and how they tickle the palette

this is just a way of saying he could wax poetic about using his mouth on you

doesn't matter how— whether his tongue is between your thighs, across your skin, or between your teeth. you're a delicacy meant to be savored from top to bottom and back again, in his head

when the tables are turned and it's his pleasure at focus, though?

baby boy gets so shy, ahw

nevertheless, so needy. will not stop rambling about all the (amazing, stunning, reverent, miraculous, etc.) things you make him feel. he sings your praise until his pleasure is too much for words

Island stops were always... interesting. Some of the crew's most chaotic shenanigans stemmed from the simple dispatch of a grocery shopping trip. At this point, you counted your blessings when everyone would meet back at the ship successfully— a quick head count reassuring you that no, Zoro did not get lost again and yes, Luffy somehow managed to stay out of trouble. And if Robin didn't mysteriously disappear just to reemerge with world-toppling news?

Close to a miracle.

But nothing would best the island pit stops where you got to stay behind on the Sunny with its famous cook. There was a wonderful, honeymoon-esque bubble that would suddenly surround your world when the rest of the crew left the ship and headed into town.

Honeymoon indeed, with the way Sanji becomes so taken with you during those hours of privacy. When there's time to be used, he spans out every second to bring forth as much pleasure for you as possible.

It was nearly overwhelming, at first. You'd had the strange urge to cry, the evening had been so intimate. No one ever focused on you for so long.

Despite the time that has passed, the sentiment still lingers today.

Emotion swells inside your chest like a giant tidal wave, thighs trembling against hands that held you as though you were an offering to the heavens. Sanji had lost himself what feels like hours ago to the essence between your legs, the very first taste sending his lashes aflutter before his eyes fully closed and he divulged in his favorite feast.

He'd once told you he couldn't help it— he wanted to see your beauty for himself, but he truly lost control the moment his tongue fell upon your sex.

Goosebumps trailed in the wake of the hand that caressed down your hip to your inner thigh. The touch was featherlight before Sanji was pulling back, much to your disdain, only for that touch to drag across every slick and sensitive inch of skin he'd previously tasted.

"Just let me continue to make you feel good, baby. I can do this as long as you'd like," he coos as his fingers slip inside, curling to reach that toe-curling spot he knows will drive you crazy.

Why would you ever decline such a beautiful offer?

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author homepage // masterlist (coming soon)

[bluewinnerangel]

Can you talk about/break down this interview if you havent already? It honestly cracks me up so much. It has a little bit of everything: Domestic husbands, goofy Louis making Niall laugh, hilarious facial expressions from Liam, and a very smiley Zayn.

https://youtu.be/Ahf5HGbB3mA

No pressure if not, hope you are well! 😊

This is not much of a breakdown it's more of a ramble aklsdjakls I LOVE THIS ONE but I don't think I could go over the whole thing even if I tried. it's 7 minutes of total chaos and every second way way waayy too much happens. I'd probably write a whole essay about the first 30 seconds and just burn out before I'll get to the good stuff (like what happened here). Ok ok ok just some highlights instead (again gif making skill level: potato. sorrysorry massive respect to gif creators)

0:54 the kiss. This interviewer being that creepy uncle here asking Harry for a kiss which ew but look at all their reactions.

Gifs+rambles=cut:

Liam's like bitch don't fucking back up into me and also why am I standing here anyway wtf I'm part of the band why am I squashed between you two?

Louis had no choice but to step back because

Harry leans over to kiss her with no attempt whatsoever not to big spoon Louis while he's at it.

Harry is just being polite here really what else is he gonna do?

Louis' his face is just pure gold and the looking into the camera after ok jim halpert akljkldfgjk he's too much.

Zayn out there checking Niall and Louis' reactions?

Niall's body language? what's that? It looks like he's mirroring the interviewer.

And watch Harry and Niall shake their heads when the creepy uncle goes "whheeuuuww" in response to the kiss. Who is Niall looking at here? Louis? the interviewer? Liam? Who is he shaking his head to? Just his own thoughts? Anyway BUT THEN

BUT THEN the interview moves on and creepy aunticle asks the first question to which Louis just does not give her anything at all, like he's fucking with her job here basically and I see this as not entirely isolated from what just happened a few seconds prior? That he goes nope bitch nope none of your questions you steal a kiss I steal your phone

And I love the lack of response from the rest of the boys. Look at the interviewer on the left like that's the normal "louis being funny" response. I don't think they're confused or anything I think they know Louis is being a lil shit and they just know him well enough to recognize this is payback lol. He just punches in with "Great question is that an iphone?" just throwing her off. And when what follows is just the best shit ever. except for that creep is there just going oh look at these silly little boys hehe laughlaugh and I CANT STAND HER HOLY asldkja

The whole thing lasts from 1:08-2:01 or something and it just oh god save me it's sparks on the screen. When I talk about Louis & Harry not interacting in front of cameras because when they do it's an instant giveaway with chemistry fireworks and fking twin flame these shits are just one braincell one clump of soulmate ridiculousness this is what I mean. Once Louis pulls that shit in stealing her phone they just recline into a Larry bubble and we just get a glimpse of them and there's nothing they can do to make it look less married. they. don't. know. how. to. bro. dude. interact. with. each. other.

LOOK AT THESE FUCKERS RIGHT AFTER THAT BEHAVIOR (I deepfried the footage again god how does one gif):

"ROB THAT" - "I'M GONNA STEAL IT" kleptomaniac mfers

2:50 more domestic mfers so damn domestic thinking to know what the other has and hasn't seen istg

Also highlight some more parts of them being visibly done with the creepy uncle:

Besides Louis also check Zayn when she invades Louis' space (4:52):

Louis when she just fking sneaks up on him again srsly wtf (6:58):

Ok this really isn't much of a breakdown, there's SO MUCH MORE to this video that one could ramble on about forever but either I post this now or it stays in the drafts forever so there you go lol

More like this (I'm trying to tag em "interview moments" but: lilo flirty one - louis flirty narry cracking uppy one - Niall asking to go to the toilet on a talkshow one)

[kintatsujo]

LoZ AU- The Courage of Running Away Part FOURTEEN

You’ll see why this one took a while in just a second, I did that thing where I drew a whole ass scene again

Content warning for fantasy religions based loosely on Christian schisms

#AU August

#LoZ AU: The Courage of Running Away

So while Link is getting acclimated to Castle life and getting hugs from Marla and Tonbo (and also getting unofficially adopted by the royal family) Astramorus flies back to the Sky Temple with his loftwing. 

And he has a lot of time to think while he’s doing it; I don’t know how fast a loftwing flies but even so it would have taken some hours on Hera’s back and you don’t have anything to do up there but think about why you got blasted through a wall by a god-queen.  So he gets back and he’s feeling pretty fucking subdued when he hands Hera off to the Sky Temple commune’s gardener/bird caretaker, Maurice.

[Image description:  Astramorus, looking tired and still missing his hat, his hair a mess, is standing opposite a short and round mustached man with bushy eyebrows dressed in the same priestly robes, except that this man has his sleeves shortened to his elbows and is wearing thick gloves.  This man is holding Hera the loftwing by a lead, while she makes a particularly vacant happy face.  “NAYRU’S EYES, man, WHAT HAPPENED?”  Astramorus gives a very small smile, and after a pause, answers, “TURBULENCE.”  The man harrumphs skeptically, then says, “Well, LORD SERENUMBRA from the LORULEAN ORTHODOXY showed up three days ago and he’s been giving me ADVICE ON MY TOMATOES, so turbulence or OTHERWISE I’d appreciate you DISTRACTING HIM before I commit some WEEDING.”  Astramorus smiles.  “Ah,” he says in understanding.  “Yes, thank you for your PATIENCE, Maurice.”  End ID.] 

A note on Maurice, originally I was going to make him look like Gaepora OR Rauru and then Ice suggested basing him on Maurice-Belle’s-Dad and I liked that, so I blended the ideas a bit.  

I think I’ve mentioned that Lorule and Hyrule have different takes on the Hylia religion, haven’t I?

Basically since this Lorule is just the country south of Hyrule instead of a dark-mirror-universe world, Invid suggested that part of the idea might be that Lorule insists that Hyrule is wrong about which country the Golden Goddesses left the world from, and that the Triforce belongs there instead.  I kind of played with that a little further, and so now part of the thing is that their royal line is actually also descended from Hylia directly, except that at some point a sister broke off from (one or the other of) the royal family, founding the Hilda line versus the Zelda line.

And real quick here’s the Hilda of this story, which I promise is relevant:

[Image Description: Sketches of a tall, black haired woman with pale skin and blue eyes and extremely long pointed ears, dressed in a cape and dress of purple, dark blue, red and gold.  She wears a blue and green belt trimmed with gold and black gloves, and a diadem featuring a red gemstone and golden spread wings.  There is an inverted Triforce symbol on her sash.  She is also wearing black lipstick and red blush and eyeshadow.  A sketch to the side shows her making a decidedly less dignified expression with the note “All the finery and rouge is a desperate attempt to fool you into thinking Hilda is in her twenties but she’s only actually seventeen, same as Link.”  Another sketch shows her next to an old man with round glasses and priestly robes different to the Hyrulean priests, who only comes up to her chest.  She has her hands on her hips and is ranting at him.  A note reads, “Hilda TOL.”  End ID.]

Anyway the thing is that currently, the two churches are relatively peaceable with one another, they have joint gatherings to quibble about tradition and who should be allowed to have what sacred treasures and who has to bring the roast boar next time, and that is how a very young novice Astramorus ended up as friends with the man he would eventually match in equivalent rank, Lord Serenumbra.  Who gets a nice picture equivalent piece to Astra’s introduction because of symmetry: 

[Image Description: The same short priest from the picture with Hilda.  He has white loosely curly hair, circular gold glasses, a hat similar to Astramorus’s but in red, a dark red robe over a black underdress, both trimmed in gold, and is wearing a heavy golden neck piece with an inverted Triforce and golden wings framing a blue disc.  To the side are various comic panels; in the first, he has taken an extremely young Astramorus’s hand and is saying, “Let me be the first to CONGRATULATE you, my friend!”  In the second, he’s spread his arms wide while approaching Astramorus and Catena, Link’s mother.  “Let me be the first to CONGRATULATE YOU, my friends!” he’s saying, and Catena laughs, giving Astramorus a rough side hug that lifts him off his feet despite her only coming to his chest, while Astramorus gives her a gooey smile.  “TOO LATE,” she says, “I told my mum first,” and laughs.  In the last panel, Astramorus has collapsed limp into a chair at a dining room table, his hair in his eyes, his face wet with tears, propping his head on one arm as Serenumbra pats his shoulder from behind the chair.  “Let me be the first to say,” Serenumbra says, “How DEEPLY SORRY I am, my friend.”  End ID.]

This is awful but that’s currently my favorite picture of Astramorus.  

Serenumbra’s design is based on the priest and philosopher from ALttP and Link Between Worlds; the philosopher’s robes were red so I sorta priestified them.  The blue disc in the center of his neck piece represents the Moon Pearl from ALttP, which was actually red in the game but blue in some of the promotional materiel, and the blue was a nicer contrast.  The Moon Pearl was mostly important because it let Link run around in his human form in the Dark World but I always liked it because it was sort of weird and mysterious.  In Four Swords Adventures there’s actually a LOT of moon pearls and they let you make portals between the worlds.  There isn’t going to be a lot of world hopping in this AU, I just thought it was interesting context. 

Anyway here’s two old friends having a conversation, image description and a little more commentary plus some bonus poking at Astramorus at the end:

[Image Descriptions: Astramorus is entering a room with a rounded door and a coat rack on the wall.  “Seren?” he calls.  “ASTRAMORUS, are you QUITE all right?” Serenumbra answers.  He is sitting at a round table in the center of the room; there are two dining chairs, one of which he is sitting in, and opposite of him is a comfortable looking rocking chair.  “I came because I heard about your SON, have you still not found him?”  Astramorus, looking deeply pained, straightens some of his hair with one hand.  “I found him,” he says.  He settles into the rocking chair with a long creak.  Serenumbra is clearly shocked by his demeanor.  “Astra,” he says, concern clear in his face, “What HAPPENED?”  Astramorus stares at the ceiling while looking like death warmed over.  There is a panel fading from light to dark to indicate the passage of time, then we see that Serenumbra has a hand to his mouth in thought.  “So the queen refuses to see the DANGER here,” he says.  Astramorus has folded his hands together.  “She’s right about my SON, though,” he answers.  Serenumbra is quick to defend Astramorus to himself: “Well- he’s such a SOFT BOY, you wanted him PREPARED,” he begins, but Astramorus stops him.  “I pushed him too hard, too SOON, and with too little CARE.”  Astramorus lifts his hands and grins painfully, continuing, “WHAT was I DOING, trying to teach him how to FIGHT when all I knew was an ADULT’S routine?”  He puts a hand to his chin, still smiling.  “I must be the STUPIDEST MAN ALIVE.”  “Astra,” Serenumbra begins again, and Astramorus interrupts again.  “My wife used to tell me I WORRIED too much, did I ever mention that?”  He asks.  His face turns solemn.  “It was even one of the LAST THINGS she said to me,” he says.  We get a glimpse of young Astramorus and Catena together backlit by the sun; she’s wearing a blue version of the classical Link costume with a sword strapped to her back and plate armor on her shoulders, he’s wearing his priestly robes and hat.  She’s reached up to grab his face, grinning, while he’s put his hands on hers.  “And then she died,” Astramorus says.  He sits up, animate once more.  “What else could I DO but worry?!” he demands.  “You’ve studied the legends, same as I-” he subsides again- “That mark on Link’s hand may as well be a DEATH SENTENCE.”  He puts a hand on his face.  “And I’ve so THOROUGHLY FAILED him that now I’ve put the Royal Family in danger TOO.”  Serenumbra puts a hand to his chin, thoughtfully.  “WELL, you never KNOW,” he says, “Princess HILDA is more of an age with Link, maybe the Triforce of Wisdom will arise in the LORULEAN line this time.”  Astramorus laughs.  “That doesn’t change the SITUATION, Seren,” quietly adding “But also KEEP DREAMING.”  He then puts his hand to his mouth.  “How do I even BEGIN to atone?” Astramorus asks.  “Ahh, old friend,” Serenumbra answers, soothingly.  “If only Catena were still WITH us, she’d know how to ease the boy’s burden.  Why-she’d face down GANON HIMSELF if it came to that!”  Astramorus makes an intense face, as if he’s been suddenly burdened.  Serenumbra stands and puts a hand on his shoulder.  “Get some REST, dear friend, you still look TERRIBLE,” he says with a smile.  Astramorus is wringing his hands, staring forward.  End ID.]

DUMBASS BRAINCELLS ENGAGED.

I didn’t expect “Got pegged by his wife so hard that the mere invocation of her name knocked him back to his senses after over eleven years of fucking shitty behavior towards their son” to be on the bingo card for this character when I started this project either, but this is Draft 0.5 so anything can happen XD

Astramorus is so layered now what the fuck!  

[Image Description: Serenumbra, face full of concern, asks, “Astra, what HAPPENED?”  Astramorus stares at the ceiling like death warmed over.  Behind him are the words “HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND.”  End ID.]

[Image Description: Serenumbra, face full of concern, asks, “Astra, what HAPPENED?”  Astramorus stares at the ceiling like death warmed over.  Behind him are the words “WELL FIRST OF ALL I FUCKING DIED.”  End ID.]

[Image Description: Serenumbra, face full of concern, asks, “Astra, what HAPPENED?”  Astramorus stares at the ceiling like death warmed over.  Behind him are the words “...my wife made this chair.”  End ID.]

Catena got into carving as a hobby during long trips but she started making furniture while dealing with nesting urges while pregnant, so imagine this little tank of a woman assembling a rocking chair for her tol noodle husband while ranting about her weird cravings.  

[chaeryybomb]

soulmates

pairing: na jaemin x reader

featuring: nct dream, implied markhyuck

genre: angst, fluff, best friends to lovers (kinda),

warnings: cursing, character death, mentions of insomnia

word count: 2.7k

summary: jeno asked if they believed in soulmates. jaemin never thought that a simple question would take him down memory lane.

a/n: this is actually a draft from one of my original stories and it's lowkey my favourite so i thought i turned it into a jaemin imagine. it ended being longer than the original one hjdfhj

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Jaemin blinked, caught off guard by Jeno's sudden question. He turned to look at Jeno, who was sitting next to Renjun as the other boy was sketching away on his iPad. Jaemin's hand stopped in mid-equitation of his homework as he tilted his head in confusion at Jeno's question.

"Soulmates?" Mark echoed from the other side of the room. They were all scattered in different parts of Jeno's and his living room. When an hour ago they decided to crash at their place for an impromptu sleepover. Donghyuck was laying on Mark's lap, playing some game on his phone. Jaemin doesn't know, all he knows is that Hyuck's lets out a curse word every 5 seconds.

"Yeah," Jeno nodded, "soulmates," he said again, this time more firmly. "Do you believe in them?"

Mark leaned back into the couch and rest his head on top. "Hmmm," he hummed to show that he was in thought.

Chenle, walking out of the kitchen and plopped himself down next to Jisung on the floor, looked up at Jeno and asked, "What was your question again?"

Jeno let out a frustrated sigh and repeated, "Do you believe in soulmates?"

"Oh, nah," Chenle immediately replied. Jeno gave him a look, disappointed at his answer. The younger shrugged in return and went back to watch Jisung's game.

"What about you?" Jeno nudged Renjun at his side.

"Soulmates are fake," Renjun replied.

"He's just saying that because he's single," Donghyuck chimed in from the other side.

Renjun glared at the other boy and threw a pillow at him. The pillow landed square on Donghyuck's face and Renjun laughed at the result. Donghyuck yelped and sat up, almost bumping Mark on the chin. While Jisung let out a victorious "Yes!" and high fived Chenle.

"Asshole! I lost my game because of you!" Donghyuck cursed at Renjun. Whereas Jisung and Chenle snickered at Donghyuck's lost.

The room erupted in laughter, with Donghyuck huffing with his arms crossed after flipping Renjun off. Donghyuck leans back into Mark's chest instead of returning to his previous position. Mark, out of habit, wrapped an arm around his waist, slowly tugging him closer.

Renjun's face twisted in disgust at the couple. "Ew, okay we get it, you're in love. Don't have to rub it in," he faked gagged at them. Jeno laughed while Jaemin shook his head at them with a smile. He was seated furthur away from the group at the dinning table, lab reports scattered in front of him. His pencil sat idle in between his fingers, he should really get back to his homework because it was due tomorrow morning. But his mind still lingered on Jeno's question.

As if he read his mind, Jeno repeated his question once again. "So, do you guys think soulmates are real?" He asked again, Jeno seemed determined to get an answer out of all of them.

"Yeah, I believe them," Mark said, deciding to humor the poor boy. Jeno beamed at his answer while Donghyuck gave him a weirded look at the side.

"You do?" Donghyuck tilted his head.

"Yeah," Mark shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck, choosing to throw caution into the wind with his next words, "I mean, I met you, didn't I?"

The room immediately reacted with a mixed of ews and gagging noises. Even Donghyuck looked disgusted. Mark raised his hands in defense and laughed awkwardly, although the look on his faced said that he regretted nothing.

"Soulmates can be platonic too! It doesn't always have to be romantic," Mark continued. "Personally, I think a soulmate is someone who instantly clicks with you. Like, even if the both of you seem different, there's some kind of mutual understanding between each other, like, even if they don't talk for years, their relationship will remain same."

"It's kinda like having a home in someone. I think a soulmate is someone who feels like home to you," Jeno added. Mark nodded in agreement with him. "It doesn't have to be your significant other, your soulmate can be your sibling or your best friend."

"Oh, so like me and Jisung?"

"I thought you said you don't believe in soulmates," Jisung eyed Chenle suspiciously.

"Well, they're explanations are kinda convincing. Do you believe in soulmates, then?" Chenle fired back at the younger boy.

Jisung nodded. "It's nice to believe in these things, okay." Chenle snorted at his answer but decided to not make fun of him, maybe he'll make fun about Mark's statement later.

"A soulmate should be someone who understands you completely. They know how exactly you feel even if you try to fake it. They're someone who'll love who you are and appreciate you," Jaemin heard Mark said.

As the group continues to discuss about their views on soulmates, Jaemin shook his head and tried to return to his homework. Keyword, tried. His mind was still stubbornly thinking about the question instead of focusing on finishing the equation on hand. Yet the word "soulmates" continued to run laps around his head. Mark and Jeno's words echoed in his head and soon he found himself drifting away to a long forgotten memory.

Jaemin was seven years old when a moving truck stopped in front of the vacant house beside his for the first time in 3 years. He stood in his yard as he watched adults emerged from the vehicle. Curiously, he walked nearer and stood behind his fence. One of the adults open the big doors behind the truck to reveal a bunch of boxes stacked together. As the boxes started to be removed by other adults, an orange ball falls from one of the open boxes and rolled to his feet.

Jaemin bent down to pick up the ball when a pair of feet appeared in his line of vision. Looking up, like an angel being casted down to him, it was the first time he saw you. The sunlight made it looked like you were glowing. And in his seven year old mind, you were the princess he read about in books.

You peered down at him with a growing smile. You reached a hand out and introduced yourself. "Hi! I'm Y/N!"

Jaemin stood up and dusted himself, staring at your hand. He was nervous, he didn't know why but he was. The smile on your face dimmed, a bit hurt that he didn't shake your hand nor tell you his name. You looked at the orange ball in his hand and coughed.

"Um," you pointed at the toy, "that's mine."

As if Jaemin was snapped out of a trance, he blinked at you and then at the ball before realization dawned on him. "Oh!" he said, cheeks flushing in

embarrassment.

"Um, sorry, here you go," and he thrusted the ball towards you. You took the ball from him and turn around to walk away when he stopped you with an awkward cough. "My name's Jaemin, Na Jaemin..."

Blinking a few times, you gave him a toothy grin and said, "Nice to meet you, Jaemin! I'm L/N Y/N!"

Soulmates can be platonic, it doesn't always have to be romantic. Your soulmate can be your sibling or your best friend. Was what they said. Well, you were definitely his best friend.

"Whatcha doing, Nana?" You asked.

Jaemin yelped from your sudden appearance, the book he was holding fell from his hands and onto his left foot. Jaemin hissed in pain and grabbed his foot, hopping on one foot before falling onto his butt.

You winced at the incident. "Sorry!" You squeaked. Jaemin gave you and unimpressed look and rolled his eyes at you. You offered him a hand to get up but instead he pulled you down with him. You fell down with a thud beside Jaemin as you let out an "oof".

Jaemin's laugh rang through your ears as you pushed yourself up. You glared at him and he stuck his tongue out at you. You shifted so you were sitting cross-legged beside him while he moved to retrieve his fallen book. You looked over to him and playfully shove him.

"What are you reading, nerd?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't understand anyways."

You gasped dramatically at his reply and feigned hurt, placing your hand above your heart. "Hey, I know I don't have the braincells but you don't have to remind me," you defended.

Jaemin rolled his eyes at you and ignored you, opting to return to his book. Noticing the lack of reaction, you sighed loudly and fell back into the grass. As you cross your arms above your head, you took a peek at Jaemin. He was still immersed in whatever book he was reading.

"Nerd," you mumbled under your breath.

After a few moments of silence, you stood up and brushed yourself off. Jaemin looked up at you as you offered your hand again. "C'mon, I heard there's a new boba place near school," you told him.

Jaemin stared at your hand for awhile before sighing and taking it in. "Fine but I want to stop by at 7-Eleven too," he negotiated.

Giving him your signature toothy grin, you shook your intertwined hands and said, "Deal."

A soulmate is someone who instantly clicks with you, no matter the difference. Even if the both of you seem different, there's some kind of mutual understanding between each other. Even if they don't talk for years, their relationship will remain same.

You and Jaemin had your differences. Jaemin liked to stay inside and read on the hundreds of scientific books he had in his room. You wanted to go out and see the world, you hated being cooped in. You felt trapped while Jaemin felt at peace. So sometimes Jaemin really wonders how the two of you could've gotten so close.

You practically had to drag him out while he head to beg you to let him stay ta home. Most people would've drifted away by now. Something kept the both of you together and Jaemin thought he knew why. You were like the sun while he was like the moon.

Your presence was refreshing. You were always there to brighten up his days and your smile was a boost of serotonin for him. Whenever he was with you, there will always be a smile on his face. He was happy, and he never knew why. The reason was because of you.

And he was the moon to your sun. His calming presence was able to match your hype energy. The both of you were balanced because he kept you at bay. He was the yin to your yang. The both of you just understood each other and everything else fell in place by itself.

By the time middle school was over, you and Jaemin had parted ways to different high schools. Despite being neighbours, the both of you had trouble finding spare time to hang out. You were busy with the student council and he was busy with the photography club that you had forced him to join.

"Oh what about this one?" You slid the flyer over to him.

Jaemin picked it up and quirked an eyebrow at you. "The photography club?"

"Yeah, you like taking pictures don't you? Plus you can use the camera I got for you from your birthday!"

You looked so excited, he swore your eyes were glittering when you looked at him with anticipation. How could he ever refuse? And he was glad he didn't. Because he met Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun from the photography club and the two boys introduced him to the rest. He never told you this but he was forever thankful to you for convincing him.

But despite all of that, the two of you would somehow managed to find time. Be it him randomly face-timing you at 4am because he couldn't sleep, or you climbing into his bedroom window because you hated being alone. Distance was never a problem for the both of you, nothing will ever changed. And somewhere along the way, Jaemin realized his heart was with you.

It's not uncommon for Jaemin to be staring at his ceiling at... 3am? He turned his head and squinted at his alarm clock. Ah, no, it was 4am. These were one of those nights where insomnia had taken over. Sighing, he turned to his side and hugged his body-pillow closer. You nagged him that sleeping late during the holidays will bite him in the ass one day. Maybe he should've listened to you.

Thinking of you, he turned to his other side where he was facing his window. Your lights were switched off. Of course it was, you were sleeping. Who would be awake at this ungodly hour? Right, him...

He stared at your window, debating whether if he should call you or not. For some reason, he felt nervous. Why would he be nervous? He has called you multiple times before when he was bored. But would he be a bother? He moved to lay on his back and dropped his arm on his eyes.

"Fuck it," he whispered to himself and reached over to grabbed his phone. He tapped into his contacts and went straight to your number. He pressed the video call option and waited. From his window, he could see a small light appearing before your room was covered in pink lights.

"Hello?" Your disoriented voice caught his attention. You looked tired, your blankets were pulled up to your nose and your eyes were struggling to open. But he couldn't help but thought that you were beautiful. "Jaemin?" you called out.

"Hi," he said, muffled by his pillow. "Sorry for calling, I'll just hang up-"

"No, it's f-" you cut yourself off with a yawn, "it's fine," you said sleepily.

He frowned at your sleepy state, feeling guilty for waking you up at 4am. "Sorry," he apologized again.

"It's fine," you said again, your voice being more stable now as the sleep started to fade. "So, what's up?"

"I don't know, just can't sleep," he told you. Jaemin moved so he was laying on his side, using on hand to hold the phone while the other was tucked under his head.

"That's alright, we can just stay here until sunrise," you said. You had moved your sleeping position and was now mimicking his position.

It was right then, in the moment when Jaemin realized, he loves you. Like a bomb being dropped on him, he realized he's in love with his best friend. In the dead of night, hours before the sun rises, you could've ignored his call and go back to sleep. But you chose to accept his call and stay up with him, knowing that the both of you have school in a few hours. Yet here you were, with him. And he loves you.

"Y/N," he whispers, it was barely audible but you had somehow managed to heard him.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Silence. Did...did he just said that? He internally started to panic. What if you don't feel the same? What if you take it the wrong way? He blamed the drowsiness in him. He's scared to look at your reaction, but he does. And the fondness in your eyes tells him that he was wrong. You looked at him like he was your world. And he knew, that the both of you were in love.

"I love you too-"

"-Jaemin?"

Jaemin's eyes snapped up at the sound of his name. The room was now silent with all eyes on him. His pencil was still in his hand, the equation still unfinished. "What's up?" He asked them.

"Jeno asked if you believe in soulmates," Jisung said.

The boy tigthened his grip on his pencil as he thought. Does he believe in soulmates? Maybe. He used to believe that they were real. Because Jaemin believed that he had already met his soulmates. But if soulmates were truly real, the universe wouldn't have taken you away from him, right?

Because he still remembered the crack in your mother's voice when she broke the news to him. You were gone. He still remembered the way his heart shattered to pieces when they said you never made it. Because you're not here anymore.

So, once upon a time, Jaemin did believed in soulmates. But you were cruelly taken away from him. He looked up to meet the gaze of his friends.

"No," he finally said, "I don't believe in soulmates."

[himitsukki]

𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙖 𝙠𝙚𝙞 // 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

warning: unedited <333 plith ignore if u see any plot holes, this has been sitting on my drafts for a couple of weeks </3

wc: 2,453

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

“hitoka-chan! someone’s looking for you.“

surprised at the news of someone looking for their shy younger manager, the team collectively move their heads to look at the gym’s sliding doors and see a female student taking off her shoes just outside of it. one of her hands rests against the doorframe bent slightly at the elbows to stabilise her body as the other picks up her shoes by the back of it.

you step into the gym with only socks on, moving quickly to bow at the team members and approach the new manager. 

in the middle of the duo’s spiking practice, hinata and kageyama both stop and turn at the sound of your voice. the familiar sound of their usual bickers and running, jumping and whatnot go mute, and slowly, the normally loud and slightly deafening volume of karasuno high school’s second gymnasium goes quiet.

“are you guys okay?“ daichi asks as he approaches the first year duo. ”why’d you two stop?“ the captain didn’t get an answer from them; instead, they continued to stare at the guest by the front portion of the gym.

“is this...“ hinata murmurs, blinking every couple of seconds, his face is unmoving and stock-still. “...my chance?“

what? chance? daichi wonders. what chance is there for—

before his mind finishes the thought, hinata dashes towards the guest, and kageyama follows suit right after, sharing the same braincell thought with his partner. they both bow deeply and introduce themselves loudly before you.

“i’m hinata shouyou!“

“kageyama tobio!“

“please tutor us!“

ahh, must be an honor student. the team, who are all now just standing still, looks over to see what the commotion is about; they can’t hear the conversation from the other side of the gym, but they see you wave your hands in a rapid  dismissive manner, most likely overwhelmed with the sudden appearance (and, quite frankly, the sheer aura) of these two. 

“i’m tutoring a few students at the moment so i can’t right now, i’m sorry.“ hinata’s and kageyama’s shoulders droop dramatically, their disappointment clear to anybody with how the air around them seemingly became cold and depressing. “but... i’m free during breaks, so feel free to visit! oh, and i can give you copies of my reviewers for the upcoming exam!”

the two first years bowed deeper and thanked you profusely, sending you to another wave of overwhelmingness. the rest of the team, still in the same spots as they were before, only look at the scene with mixed reactions, staring in silence as they watch you try to make hinata and kageyama lift up their heads. 

“i think i’ve heard of her,” tanaka suddenly speaks up. the team turns to look at him. ”someone was talking about this really kind and angel-like first year, gives away reviewers, tutors other people, helps out with others’ homeworks, stuff like that. no one mentioned that she’s really pretty, though.”

“ryu!“ nishinoya shouts suddenly. “we can only focus on kiyoko-san!“

“but they’re different!“ tanaka argues. “kiyoko-san is cool and beautiful! obviously, we’ll follow her forever!”

daichi steps up to forcibly make hinata and kageyama stand up straight, apologizing for their actions as their captain. 

“it’s fine,“ you laugh slightly, bowing your head and thanking him for his hard work. “i’m hitoka-chan’s classmate! i’m here to return something to her, actually.“

“[name]-san!“ yamaguchi greets you as he jogs towards you, a smile on his face and his hand already up in the air in the form of a wave. he comes closer, and you jump up to reach his hand to high five it before he tries to heighten it further up where you can’t reach it anymore.

“i touched it!”

“i felt nothing, though~“

“yama-kun, that’s a lie!“

t.. they know each other? once again, the team is in a state of shock and silence as they see another usually shy teammate act differently. it’s rare to see yamaguchi being the initiator in teasing someone (as he’s always with tsukishima), much less being so... vocal and energetic and expressive.

“that makes it my third win this week!“

“sure thing, [name]-san~“

“say,“ asahi mumurs onto the rest of the team who never left their places. “is she... y’know... maybe... yamaguc—“

“oi,“ tanaka interrupts the small group of gossipers as he clamps a hand down sugawara’s shoulder, shaking it back and forth while keeping his eyes on the scene up front. “even tsukishima knows her, damn it!“

immediately, everyone looks back to see the most unlikely member of the team taking to someone else without glare on his face, not even a hint of irritation. in fact, whatever he says has you and yamaguchi giggling, while hinata and kageyama puff up with flames of petty anger.

well, daichi thinks to himself as he overhears tsukishima mock the other firstyear duo for begging you to tutor them in front of everyone else. guess we learn something new everyday.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

you return a week later to the male volleyball club’s gym with a paper bag on one hand and a large plastic bag on the other.

“she told me to give this to you,“ the team overhears your conversation as you approach the tall blonde. “it’s strawberry shortcake, of course.“ 

damn, tsukishima has girls giving him gifts already? they collectively curse at him inside. lucky bastard...!

“ah— i’d like to give these for everyone!“ with an obvious perk of their ears, everyone gathers around you as you open the large, white plastic bag: it’s filled with various snacks and drinks, most likely bought from a nearby convenience store outside the school, which meant you walked out of the school premises, bought everything in this bag, then walked back to the campus just to give these for everyone.

an angel... she’s literally an angel! 

“THANK YOU VERY MUCH!“ hinata, kageyama, nishinoya and tanaka shout in happiness, grabbing their favorite snacks and drinks (yoghurt for kageyama and melonpan for tanaka, of couse) with twinkles in their eyes and a dust of pink on their cheeks. 

“you didn’t have to buy these for us,“ daichi steps up and accepts the bag with a small bow. 

“it’s fine, captain! thank you for working hard!“ 

daichi announces a break for everyone, telling them to grab a snack or a drink of their choice before passing the bag to the next person. in a matter of seconds, everyone’s seated on the floor, enjoying the snacks or drinks you bought for them. 

tsukishima, the only other person still standing besides yachi and kiyoko, converses with you just a few feet away from the group, but they’re all busy eating or drinking. the two female managers, though, listen in with a knowing look and the smallest smirk on their lips. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

you return, one again, a week later. but instead of dropping by while they were in the middle of training, you opened the doors and greeted everyone with the dark sky of the night behind you.  

“ah [lastname]-san! what are you doing so late?“ sugawara steps in as the vice captain, daichi being away to talk with their coach and club advisor about the upcoming training camp in tokyo. 

“i’m waiting for—“

“we’re holding a study session later at my house,“ tsukishima speaks up right behind the grey haired third year, walking up to you after to say something before returning back to the court. 

e..eh? did i hear that correctly? it’s almost past 7pm though...

“[lastname]-san!“ hinata and kageyama approach you with a slight jog, passing their frozen vice captain by the side. “thanks for the notes you gave us yesterday, it really helped make me understand the topic better!“

“thank you for tutoring us yesterday, even though it was a break time and you were probably busy and had other people needing your help and—“

“i told you, i’m happy to help, kageyama-kun!“

ah, right. she’s just an angel doing her angel duties, sugawara sighs, his mind now clear and grounded. there’s no way someone like tsukishima would be in a relationship with an angel like her...

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

...right?

the team, currently on their break, discusses about the possible reasons why you’ve been visiting them weekly for the past two months. you’ve never spoken up about it specifically, and there’s nothing really obvious that the team can focus on to hypothesize about the question at hand. 

ennoshita, having observed the times you’ve visited them and how you interact with the team, explained his insights on the situation. 

first, none of the second or third years have spoken up about having a significant other, nor has any of them heard or knew you before you first visited them, so clearly, they’re out of the picture,

second, your first visit was because you had to return something to yachi, but only yamaguchi and tsukishima had talked to you freely as a friend would. 

third, you once gave something to tsukishima, most probably a gift from one of her friends who liked him, and gave her gift through you. which means...

“i had a feeling yamaguchi was really close to her,“ asahi’s eyes light up in understanding. “it’s rare to see him be so talkative and cheerful.“

“no, but the air around them doesn’t seem like it,“ tanaka contributes to the discussion. “[name]-chan has this really light and air aura around her, you can really feel how angelic she is! it seems like there’s just a playful, friendly aura when she’s with yamaguchi.“

“that’s... a really detailed, creepy description, baldy,“ kinoshita strikes an arrow into tanaka’s body.

“first name basis? without asking her? invasion of privacy,“ asahi shivers.

“no wonder kiyoko-san keeps ignoring you.” narita finishes the blow.

“i did not— [name]-chan gave me permission!“ (”yeah, after scaring her into accepting it.” “stop being so brave for nothing, oi!”)

“it still seems off if tsukishima’s the reason,“ nishinoya pouts. ”our angel [name]-chan wouldn’t settle for a guy like tsukishima!” 

“i agree!“

“yeah, she’s too kind for that!”

with collective nods and hums of agreement, the team returns to their training, the summer training camps they had in tokyo and saitama still fresh in their minds despite a few weeks having passed by since. summer had just ended, and the second term for the current academic year has barely started, so they haven’t seen you since the last time you visit them before the month long break.

night approaches, and the day ends for the karasuno male volleyball club  without your prescence. eager to go home, they quickly changed and walked to sakanoshita market for their usual pork buns.

“a.. [name]-chan?!”

with a turn of your head, you greet the team with a smile and a small bow. “i figured you’d come here after training, so i went and bought you guys some pork buns before the get sold out.”

with a dramatic cry, hinata, tanaka and nishinoya fall to their knees and clasped their hands together as they thanked you profusely. after telling them that you had the worker keep the buns steamer to keep them warm, they immediately went to the counter; ukai, with impeccable timing, just entered from the back and immediately scolded them for being loud.

amidst the chaos, however, one person steps in and swiftly starts pulling you towards the exit.

“let’s go,“ tsukishima mumbles, his large hands easily caging your wrist in his grasp. “before the idiots notice—“

“tsukishima, what are you doing?!“

“how dare you steal our [name]-chan away from us!“

“give me a break,“ you hear him complain under his breath with a sigh. you giggle in response but try to hide your hands from the group, remembering that tsukishima had wanted to keep your relationship lowkey as much as possible. especially from the volleyball idiots, you remember him emphasizing. 

“sorry, but we have a project to discuss! yama-kun, let’s go!“ with a last wave goodbye, the three of you escape the team and disappear from their sights. 

as the team walks home while enjoying their warm pork buns, tanaka stops to a halt as he realizes something. “isn’t [name]-chan classmates with yachi and not those two...?”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

“were you able to study?“

“yeah, thanks for the jacket! library’s freezing, as always.“

the team eyes the two of you from the other side of the gym, suspicious and doubtful of their thoughts due to tanaka’s insightful realization last time. it doesn’t really seem like they’re in a relationship, right? they ask each other through knowing glints of eye contact. there’s no way they’re—

“oh, i heard from this guy that you’ll have the spring high tournament soon!“

“tsukishima got demoted to ‘this guy’, pfft.“

“pfft, ‘this guy’,“ hinata bursts out loud. “tsukishima doesn’t even get called by his name—“

yeah, there’s no way.

for the first time since you started visiting them three months ago, however, you stayed inside to watch the team train for the said competition with permission from daichi and the two adults beside door. 

it’s a change of pace from you and a change of scenery from the team: they’re not used to anyone who’s not a part of their club to watch them, nor did they ever expect that it’d be you, of all people.

“[name]-chan,“ tanaka jogs up to you when their practice officially ended and the time to clean and tidy up the gym has started. “are you waiting for tsukishima and yamaguchi again? to talk about your, uhm, project?“

“no, i’m just waiting for kei.“

“k-kei?“

“yes?“ tanaka turns around to see tsukishima standing behind him, his hands on his hips and bored look on his face, but if you look closely, you’ll notice a hint of mischief in his golden eyes and the slightest smirk on his lips. “do you need something, tanaka-san?“

“you’re kei? i thought your name was hotaru!“

“nope, it’s read as kei.“ 

“i thought you were over having people guess your name for you!“

“i’m too tired to put up with people asking how to read it.“

tanaka, in the middle of your bickering, can feel his brain explode and his heart shatter slightly. i can’t believe it. fuck you, tuskishima. nishinoya, noticing his best friend’s frozen form in between you and tsukishima, jogs up to tanaka with slight concern.

“it’s true.” it’s the only think he can say before numbly looking at the two of you still bickering. 

“maybe i’ll call you hotaru instead of kei then—“ (”k-kei? who?”)

“fine, i’ll stop.“ (”him?!”)

“good. you’re no longer a middle schooler, loser.“

“with your height, you’re the middle schooler here.“

fuck you, tsukishima.

“rude!“

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ☼ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

m.list

[spoondrifts]

long post ahead I'm sorry-

crack au where Jonah Magnus is a good guy but everything keeps going wrong and he spends all of his time running around trying to stop his employees from diving headfirst into their Fuck Up™ of the week

in this au Jonah is almost entirely incompetent but he's got the exasperated parent thing down enough to make up for his lack of braincells

he's also at least 7% dumber than he is in canon

s1 Jon: please call pest control there are so many worms

s1 Elias: I already did

Jon: and??

Elias: they ate them

Jon: the worms?

Elias: the pest control guys. the worms ate them

Elias spends the entirety of season 2 desperately trying to convince Jon that none of them killed Gertrude (in this au Gertrude just had a stroke or something in the tunnels). Elias stops Jon from destroying the table but a week later something heavy falls on it and the NotThem escapes anyway. Elias bashes in Leitner's head with a pipe after mistaking him for the monster and Jon gets framed.

now Elias has to convince this hunter that Jon is innocent while Jon runs around and harasses various fear avatars (who are all very amused with Elias' wayward Archivist). Jon assumes Elias knows nothing about all this bullshit because Elias is just his weird and uptight boss who accidentally killed someone, he can't possibly know that there are literally fear gods ruling over them

olive ⚰ has named the group 'Avatars ✨'

JMagnus 👀: Jude please don't hurt him. I'll explain everything when he gets back to the Institute.

🔥: too late

JMagnus 👀: What?

🔥: too late

🔥: burned him

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

JMagnus 👀: Where is he now.

🔥: going to mike

JMagnus 👀: Mike Crew???

🔥: ya

Elias RACES to Mike's house but he. he fucking misses them. the Beholding helpfully tells him that they're all going back to the Institute so Basira and Daisy can interrogate him, which isn't ideal, he'd really like to not go to jail, so he drafts up an employment contract on the way back and barely manages to escape the whole thing with his life intact.

then he explains everything to Jon because if Jon is going to end up being the Archivist, being uninformed won't do. Jon becomes the Archivist completely on accident and Elias is desperately trying to make all of this work because, haha, the Unknowing is coming up, and Elias is not in the fucking mood to deal with clowns.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'all that is terror uwu'

spidey🕸: lmfaooo jonah how do you make an archivist on accident

JMagnus 👀: He stumbled into it. All I can do now is ensure he doesn't die.

JMagnus 👀: Or get further injured by the rest of you.

🔥: woops

🎭: hEy gUyS lOnG tiMe nO sEe

🎭: gEt iT eLiAs

🎭: sEe

JMagnus 👀: Beholding puns are not amusing from a manifestation of the Stranger.

🎭 has named the group 'eLiAs bE niCe tO niKoLa cHaLlEnGe'

🔥: haha

spidey🕸: I'm sure Nikola will be on her best behavior

🎭: yEaH i wOnT kiDnAp yOuR aRcHiViSt

[JMagnus 👀 is typing]

mike n ike: hey guys what'd I miss

🔥: arent you dead

mike n ike: yeh but I came back

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA ORSINOV WHERE IS JONATHAN SIMS

🔥: can't you see haha

mike n ike: heh "see"

JMagnus 👀: NIKOLA

spidey🕸: wow he must be pissed

spidey🕸: he left out the punctuation

JMagnus 👀: I WILL BREAK ALL OF YOUR PLASTIC BONES WHERE'S MY ARCHIVIST

🎭 has left the chat.

JMagnus 👀: what the FUCK

since he's still a coward Elias sends Michael to go fetch Jon, only finding out after the fact that he very nearly almost signed Jon's death warrant. Elias is now speedrunning Jon's development because fuck the Unknowing is coming up really quickly and Tim is a self destructive mess and Melanie keeps trying to stab Elias and Martin is a pining idiot and goddammit he didn't sign up for this

Elias prepares Jon the best he can for the Unknowing, because even though he knows the ritual will fail, the Circus can still cause a considerable amount of damage and he needs them out of the way.

the Unknowing happens. Jon ends up in a wack ass coma, Tim is dead, Daisy's in the coffin, and Basira is starting to look like the better choice of Archivist because jesus christ Jon has no self preservation instinct. Elias doesn't get arrested this time around but his ex husband starts coming by the Institute and fucking with all his employees. and the Flesh is attacking. jesus. goddamn.

olive ⚰ has named the group 'bully elias'

JMagnus 👀: Why are you all so mean to me? I'm arguably the nicest one here.

🔥: ur joking right

Peter Lukas: you're not nice you didn't buy me an anniversary gift 😢😢😢

JMagnus 👀: I was busy.

Peter Lukas: doing what

JMagnus 👀: Stopping the Flesh from destroying my Institute. Besides, you didn't remember my birthday.

Peter Lukas: you're 200 years old how could I remember 😓

helen!!!!!: We All Know I'm The Nicest One Here!!

JMagnus 👀: How did you make your text that colorful?

helen!!!!!: IDK

JMagnus 👀: Liar.

helen!!!!!: That's Literally My Job

olive ⚰: hey eli your archivist just woke up I think

🔥: ew why

helen!!!!!: How Delightful!! Maybe I'll Throw Him A Glad You're Alive Party!!

olive ⚰: should we invite him to this chat since he's an avatar now

Peter Lukas: no 🙅 🚫❌

Peter Lukas: I hate archivists 😤😤

olive ⚰: still mad about gertrude huh

🔥: were all still mad about gertrude

🔥: but jons fine once you burn some manners into him

JMagnus 👀: Can you all please stop hurting Jon? Or talking about hurting him? I would like my Archivist to not acquire any more scars.

🔥: damn

Peter Lukas: damn 😔

Elias keeps trying to teach Jon how to pick certain victims to feed off of because personally he has no qualms about feeding from innocents but Jon!! actually trusts him!!! so Elias doesn't want to push Jon into making decisions that will offend his moral sensitivities.

things are actually going okay for a while. Elias starts going home at a reasonable time in the evenings and Jon is actually getting some sleep. and then-

Elias is having a nice dream about Peter trying to fish Simon Fairchild out of a sky filled with eyes when he abruptly sits up in bed, wide awake.

"Ah, fuck," he says to Peter, who is laying on the floor where it is Lonelier™. "Jon's doing something stupid. I Know it."

Peter's mumbled "isn't he always" goes unnoticed as Elias hurries to the Institute, where he finds a fucking rib on Jon's desk and the coffin in the middle of the room.

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

JMagnus 👀: What the fuck do I do?? I can't go into the Buried! Why is Jon so stupid? I didn't know he had zero braincells when I hired him!

🔥: ngl why havent you fired him yet

JMagnus 👀: Beholding won't let me. We're all bound to the Institute.

🔥: F

JMagnus 👀: Why are there no Buried avatars in here? Please someone help me.

mike n ike: lol the buried is gross why would anyone go down there

spidey🕸: does he have an anchor?

[JMagnus 👀 sent an image]

🔥: is that a fucking rib

spidey🕸: wow that's not a good anchor at all

spidey🕸: he needs someone he loves

JMagnus 👀: Thanks. Gtg.

spidey🕸: np

🔥: are we not going to talk about his rib

🔥: how the fuck did he get that out of his body

🔥: yall

🔥: YALL

it takes three days for Elias to find Martin.

"Please tell me why the fuck you're dabbling in the Lonely," Elias says as Martin steps sheepishly out of the fog.

"Ah. Well. Jon can't See into it very well and sometimes we like to spice up our se-"

"Stop before I have to gouge my eyes out again."

"A-Again-?"

Elias drags Martin back to the Institute. Martin starts setting tapes on the coffin because "Jon loves these" and Elias starts bashing his head into the wall.

Jon climbs out of the coffin with Daisy and Elias almost considers locking Jon in his office so the damn archivist can't do anything else ridiculous. instead, Elias very calmly takes Jon by the shoulders, and shakes him like a rag doll.

"Stop fucking with entities, you stupid, stupid man," Elias says, shaking Jon more viciously now.

after several hours of breathing exercises Elias returns to his house and doesn't take his Sight off of Jon for the rest of the night, which is a fun experience for Peter when he wakes up and finds Elias' bloodshot eyes staring directly at him in the morning.

JMagnus 👀 added Daisy to 'archivists ruin my sleep schedule and my sex life'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'archivist hate club'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'shut up peter'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'you love jon more than me'

JMagnus 👀 has named the chat 'I don't love either of you I'm heartless'

Peter Lukas has named the chat 'I want a divorce'

spidey🕸: jeez take your marital dispute elsewhere

spidey🕸 has named the chat 'lonelyeyes dni'

Daisy: wtf is this

mike n ike: it's a chat for avatars

mike n ike: and ex avatars ig

Daisy: didn't I kill you

mike n ike: yea

JMagnus 👀: Hello, Daisy. Welcome to the group chat.

Daisy: why is Jon not in here

Peter Lukas: because I hate him 😁

spidey🕸: Elias talks mad shit in here and Jon would get offended

Daisy: if you talk bad about Jon I'll rip your throat out

Daisy: :)

JMagnus 👀: Noted.

mike n ike: he's kinda rude tho

Daisy: I've killed you once

Elias' only goal now is to keep Jon and his assistants from pulling any more wild stunts without his supervision. his renewed involvement with the archival staff results in a few things he'd hoped to avoid: drink invites, physical contact (Martin is surprisingly quick to start hugging Elias once he realizes Elias won't stop him), and- shudder -feelings. because Elias genuinely cares about his staff and doesn't want any harm to befall them. especially Jon. Jon is his Archivist, the only one to ever succeed like this, and Elias will be damned if he lets anything happen to him.

"Why do you care?" Jon asks, once, compulsion thrumming like static on his tongue. "About us, I mean. I would've assumed you'd want to perform the Beholding's ritual."

Jonah Magnus attempted the Watcher's Crown once, when he was young and new. he'd brought his patron close, but not all the way through, and the backlash of power killed all the inmates at Millbank and severely crippled Jonah's connection to the Eye for months afterward. he grew to assume that the Beholding simply preferred the world as it was--ripe with fear for watching. it didn't need a ritual.

he instead dedicated himself to growing stronger, cultivating his Institute of knowledge, his stronghold. if he tore out a few people's eyes when he got too old, then, well, collateral. but he doesn't want the world to end, and knows now that no ritual will ever succeed unless it brings in all the Powers at once. and he doesn't want that either.

it's concerning to him that Jon seems to be collecting marks regardless. the only ones he's missing are the Dark and the Lonely, and Elias is determined to keep it that way.

he explains all of this to Jon who, to his credit, takes it pretty well. Jon is fascinated with historic life and Elias spends some time simply recounting tales of his youth, when he still bore the name Magnus.

they bond. it's good.

and one day Basira does a little too much research and discovers the dark sun waiting in Ny Alesund. she insists they need to go and see what's left of the People's Church, they need to ensure everything is taken care of. Jon is rather insistent too. and Elias wouldn't have been inclined to let them go, except Peter was finally home after weeks at sea, and it wasn't like Jon was defenseless, he could call Elias if anything went wrong...

so, very reluctantly, Elias gives them the all clear. Basira, Jon, and Martin head north, and Elias almost forgets they've gone when he arrives home and Peter already has dinner prepared.

Jon comes back marked by the Dark.

Elias curses himself, over and over, for being foolish enough to let them go, for not keeping a closer eye on them. he knows the ritual won't work unless a certain incantation is spoken, so he'll just have to keep world-ending written chants away from Jon. easy. and it's not like Jon will even get marked by the Lonely. Peter wouldn't.

(but Martin doesn't have the same level of control, and sometimes...)

it's an accident. Martin and Jon are testing it, pushing the boundaries, when Martin pulls them both into the Lonely. Elias threatens divorce until Peter caves and fetches them, but it's too late. Jon has been marked by all fourteen Powers.

Elias tells him, and warns him to check everything he reads.

helen!!!!! has named the chat 'apocalypse babey'

JMagnus 👀: How are you doing that?

JMagnus 👀: And the apocalypse is not imminent. I have the situation under control.

olive ⚰: ha yeah

JMagnus 👀: What do you mean by that?

olive ⚰: nothing

JMagnus 👀: Well, now I certainly think it's something.

olive ⚰: it's just

olive ⚰: don't you think it's kinda weird that @spidey🕸 has been offline for so long

🔥: thats weird shes always online

JMagnus 👀: Oliver, what are you implying?

olive ⚰: idk

olive ⚰: just weird, that's all

🔥: never good when the spiders are quiet

olive ⚰: hear hear

Elias gets a sinking feeling in his stomach, and beside him, Peter looks alarmed. meanwhile, in his flat with Martin making tea in the other room, Jon has a statement clutched in his grasp.

Hello, Jon.

I would apologize for the deception, but I'm afraid that's quite what I'm good at. I'm not one to monologue, that's more Jonah's shtick, so shall we get on with things?

I admit I underestimated Jonah Magnus. He's still remarkably easy to manipulate, but when he abandoned the Watcher's Crown ritual I knew I would have to take a different approach. The Mother is not so satisfied with the world as she may have insinuated. It is our turn to rise, Jon.

At the age of eight, you were marked by us. We sent you to the Magnus Institute in the hopes that a new Archivist would rekindle Jonah's desire to end the world. Unfortunately, it seemed as though he grew fond of you, and so we brought in a new plan. We marked you. One fear at a time. Jonah gave an admirable attempt at protecting you, but ultimately, he is an incompetent old fool, and I am a Weaver. Even Jonah Magnus dances to invisible strings.

Everyone underestimates a spider until it bites. Poison is poison, Jon, regardless of the medium in which it is served.

You will be safe in this new world. Martin, too. Perhaps even Jonah and his Lukas, if the Mother deems them worthy.

Now, please repeat after me...

Jon reads the ink scratched words, eyes welling up with tears and hands trembling, as thunder crashes outside and a howling gale picks up beyond the windows. Martin is shouting something, there's the crawling press of Elias' gaze as it rests heavy behind Jon, a silent observer. He can feel Elias' soothing presence, cool and calm in the raging storm.

Elias is still watching out for him.

Strings are wrapped around his wrists, jerking his arms up in a poor mockery of religious regard, strange hysterical laughter clawing out from his throat.

Jon's tears run red. Somewhere, Elias is still watching.

The door opens.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Eclipse reread part 3 bewr bewr bewrrr! Covering the entire rest of the book in ONE post so buckle on in baybee: 

1. Absolutely everything about chapter 15 (wager) is disgusting. To a certain extent I appreciate how successfully meyer captures how frustrating assault is as a woman, how futile it feels to fight against it. But at the same time the way she handles the aftermath is unbelievably disappointing and infuriating. Charlie doesn't get up to help his own daughter, Jake trails after Bella into the house and sticks around, there's just no relief or reflection that feels satisfying. Bella can ask where the justice is when she finds out Jake isn't aging but just ignores Charlie defending her assailant? And to some extent I get it, I've shut down after assault before to the point where it took years to recognize that some of the things that happened even were assault. But when there's a pattern within the series of men being narratively rewarded for assault and abuse and women being punished for reacting to abuse it feels like the narrative is reinforcing the status quo of women<men. I'm not stupid, I understand when a book is trying to make me uncomfortable and I don't need villains to be punished to know that they're villainous. This doesn't come across that way at all. Meyers handling of misogynistic abuse and violence lack the nuance to make me believe that she sees this violence as something to be critical of rather than something that just happens to women. And again, because it's a pattern in her writing, women getting no reprieve from gendered harm, I don't believe she's making a statement. There's just no self awareness and that's the key difference between a story like Brave New World or Lolita and Twilight.

2. Also this quote that precedes the assault is just so so frustrating:

Bella is not mean for setting boundaries! She isn't stringing you along! I would love to hit meyer in the head with a rolled up newspaper. Anyway.

3. Bella keeps saying things like "this would be annoying if it weren't so scary" in regards to having her clothes stolen by vampires that want her dead and having to lie to people around her, again because dozens of vampires want her dead. And y'know after the third time she said she would be annoyed if she weren't scared I'm just left to believe she isn't scared at all. I don't feel rising tension, the newborn army feels like a minor nuisance and even after they connect it to victoria (who still hasn't shown up at all) I'm just like...okay well get on with it then! Meyer makes bella "shudder" (I'm still tempted to make a comp of every time she shudders in this fucking book lol) instead of showing us her actual fear. I don't believe she's scared, I don't care about the "threat," and I don't believe anything bad will happen to Bella. There are Literally No Stakes here. I'm not invested in this story at all.

4. Alice is a bad friend lmfao

Girl, you're psychic you know she wanted to wear red why are you just dressing her up for your brother.

5. Okay returning to point 3 because I read chapter 17 and had an epiphany: Bella says she isn't scared for herself and I get that I do. But smeyer also hasn't shown us that she's selfless- just that she doesn't care if she dies. If bella actually cared for her human friends, in any way, I would believe that the newborn army was a scary threat because the people she loves might get hurt. But I don't believe that she cares about that I only believe that she- like Edward- has a weird martyr complex.

6. The Mirror chapter also reinforces this. I can’t stop thinking about how much more impactful it would have been narratively if it had been Angela in Bree’s position (because she’s the only human friend Bella seems fond of but if Bella showed interest in any of the other humans, honestly any of them would do). Imagine the moment where the newborn vampire first lifts her head to look into Bella’s eyes and it’s someone she knows. Someone she cares for. There should have been consequences for Bella beyond “Jake got some bones broken and now I feel bad :(” which was also a shitty punishment because smeyer is inflicting physical trauma on an indigenous character just to make Bella feel bad. Okay. Anyway, it would have built the tension I was missing for- quite literally- over 300 pages of this book if Bella’s friends and classmates and Fork’s residents had been going missing the whole time. Suddenly, at the end of the battle, there’s Angela. Or Jess. Or Katie fucking Marshall. Someone Bella knew should have been there and maybe I would have cared about this book at all.

7. Going back in time to this quote which comes before the battle:

UGH!!! SHUT UP SMEYER! She literally poisoned Jake’s character from the moment she made him a main character and she has zero self reflection to see the damage that she’s causing here. I’ve said before that I don’t think Jake’s actions were a romantic deal breaker and that stands out now more than ever after reading Eclipse. THIS is the moment that Bella realizes she’s in love with Jake too. Smeyer not only sees abuse and aggression as romantic, she also lacks the braincells and reflection to see that she’s playing directly into racist stereotypes. Edward got to grow up- marginally- but Jake had to remain aggressive. I still don’t think she ever once meant to villify Jake- I think that there was no way in a hell a racist woman could ever successfully portray an indigenous character. His tenderness is tainted by the aggression she forces on his character and in the end he never had a chance because- again- he was being written by a racist woman with fucked up views of indigenous people.

8. Okay, I get it. They’re like Cathy and Heathcliff. Fine. I buy it.  

This isn’t even the last time she compares them to Cathy and Heathcliff. Kate Bush isn’t gonna write a song about you, meyer! Give it a rest! (Also lol at “like wuthering heights”)

9.  Jumping right to the end here because to be completely honest the only actual event in the entire book was the newborn battle. Jane was a bitch, fine. Edward talked at Victoria and bored her to death (presumably) and the action never felt very action heavy. I knew if from the “best friend (and werewolf)” line that this book was presumably written for idiots given how little is left to the imagination at any given time. I can’t stand when books treat the audience like dummies and I especially can’t handle YA books that do this. Teenagers aren’t stupid!! Young adults can pick up on subtlety in literature!! AND young adults can handle suspense and action. smeyer doesn’t do either well and the editors never once said “hey you know teens aren’t stupid right? like your audience will pick up on hints that you scatter you don’t have to forcefully explain everything?”  

10. Smeyer can’t stop interrupting herself even in the very last sentence of the book proper:

What, pray tell, is wrong with “Where it would stay for the rest of eternity.” Why did you have to sow doubt in the sentiment right after Bella made her For Real Final Decision???? And why the em-dash!? Again: the editors of the twilight saga are my nemeses but also my favorite conmen. What were they paid for?

11. Back to the editors real quick: if i was given a draft of eclipse I would instantly say: this story is almost 400 pages of nothing, you need to play with the structure of the story. You need to build suspense and if that means playing with POV like you randomly start doing in the epilogue, then do that. Or you can play with the plot. Nothing happens for 300 pages. It takes 300 pages to get to the newborn battle and nothing that happens before the newborn battle makes me feel worried about it. Again, kill off some humans, raise the stakes, do SOMETHING. This was so painfully slow to read because meyer tried to center this book on a love triangle that I didn’t even believe in myself. And even then, it took 14 chapters for the love triangle to get real action (as in an Event, not necessarily physical action). 

12. The epilogue. Oh man. Was the r-slur really so acceptable in 2007 that not one single editor questioned its use? I won’t type the quote in full but Jake refers to his fake arm sling as r-word. Like??? What? And THEN smeyer has him call Leah a “bitter harpy.” Shut up. 

In conclusion, nothing felt like a bigger waste of time than Eclipse. Genuinely, to be completely honest. Two (2) important things happened, at least in Bella’s narrative (I agree with Vinelle that the Volturi debacle was important from Carlisle’s perspective, it adds nothing to Bellas and Bella learns nothing important from it.): 1. Bella made a decision, she chose Edward. Who could have seen that coming? Whaaaat? 2. Rosalie told Bella her backstory. Not that Bella even used that to reflect on her decision to become a vampire but hey, at least it felt like an important moment. Jasper’s backstory only mattered for the newborn battle which didn’t matter at all (and it never informed his character and no one ever brings up that the confederacy was a terrible dark stain on US history (along with the rest of US history but that’s a full dissertation or two on its own)). I can’t imagine a way to improve this book as a standalone book. You could split up the plot (using that term loosely) so that New Moon and BD are both a little longer and BD a little more organized. But without completely changing the plot beats in Eclipse, its just pointless.

[that-random-citizen]

Writeblr Intro

Apparently I haven't done one of these yet so here we go

About me

Hey! I'm a person who writes and has too many projects unfinished. Let's be friends!

So, what can I say about me?

This is my side blog dedicated to writing. I go by L. and I'm 21 years old. I'm Portuguese and my pronouns are she/her. INTP?? Let's just get to it

You inspired me to write this intro. Yes, you. I really like reading about all of you and your stories, makes all my writing process less lonely because now I know there's a bunch of other people out there... who also struggle to write...

Let's struggle together, my friends!

I started writing stories a long time ago but only in 2019 I finished one completely. And after that, I started trying not to give up on my projects after only 3 chapters. It's been a challenge!

Although a lot of my WIPs feature romance, I have no idea why. I like a lot of stuff. So I tend to write a lot of stuff. This stuff that I'm talking about are the genres. Yes, I'm good with words. I love mystery, thriller, comedy, fantasy, I don't really remember much more but yeah, you got the idea...

I'm very character driven so I tend to focus a lot on my characters when writing. That's the reason why I excuse my excessive amount of daydreaming instead of putting my thoughts on paper. I'm just developing the idea! It needs to reach its final form... And so, I can't really move on if I don't know my characters like the back of my hand and that's why it's been 7 years on that one WIP (introduced a little down below)

I reblog a lot of memes and writing advice that I like. I also like reblogging your WIPs because they're all so good and you guys have amazing ideas and beautiful layouts. I wish I could read all your stories! I may try to up my game and add some mood boards when I introduce my characters. I don't usually write in English so I'm not sure about posting excerpts but I'll be keeping my WIPs updated in terms of how they are doing and character wise. I can also talk about random ideas and new WIPs that cross my mind. It's an infinite number of possibilities. And that's why I don't gamble.

I'm quite random and so I have a hard time focusing on one thing for to long. And that, my dudes, brings us to a very high number of unfinished WIPs that I can't keep track of. Here's the list:

WIPs

I have to many to count (27). These are the ones I'm trying to focus on right now:

The 4 Elements

It's been 7 years!

Basically I came up with this story because my brother asked me to write it and I was trying to make him more interested in reading books so I decided I was going to write something he wanted to read. Uh, that's a long and confusing sentence... if only I had editing skills!

Anyways, then it became this big conversation topic between us and I developed it a lot over that summer. And in the past years. It also has some clichés that I see a lot on TV that I'm not that fond of and so I decided to give them a little twist with this book

It's a superhero story!? And is my longest running project (I guess)

It's a series of 4 books from which I have a good grasp of what I want to write but one of the main characters is still a mystery to me so... I'm struggling!

Like, what is her motivation? I can't really find her voice, she's the "leader" and the only one who carries a braincell in the entire series and yet... What is her conflict in the story? I guess we have to wait another 7 years to find out...

Found family trope because that's my reason to live

A lot of chaotic energy

Four idiots who can control the elements

A lot of backstory

Some bad guys

It's a fantasy book. Or a sci-fi? I'm not sure

I'm going to write the second draft of the first book by this summer... hopefully

Reverse Fairytale

I don't know what to say about this one

I like taking clichés and reversing them somehow so I guess this is it

There's a princess trapped in a tower, a bunch of knights, a bunch of witches and a kingdom to overthrow

Very soft, very sapphic

There are only women loving women and an ace boy who has a pet dragon

Fantasy. There are a lot of fairy tale books involved

It's also romance and... why do I do this to myself?

Even the subplot is a romance - it's about a mermaid and a pirate and a curse but that's a spoiler so let's move on

Helena's Trial

This one I just want to get the outline done

I really liked this idea but I forgot to write it down and now I'm going through it to get it back

Another thing about me: I have terrible memory

It's about this angel and this devil who realize that they were guarding the same person - Helena

And in this universe, there can only be one guardian for each human depending on the fate that is given to someone as they are born

If you're destined to do good things you get a guardian angel

If the big boss says you're going to be evil, you get a devil to guard you and you have to be evil, no chance of changing back your destiny

Another corrupt system that it's getting overthrown

Helena has both an angel and a devil guarding her so they have to realize her destiny fast because she's destined to die in 24 hours, on her wedding day

The angel and the devil knew each other before they died and so it's a little awkward

It's a little enemies to lovers in that area

There are also cupids and a big Goddess who wants revenge

Fantasy

There's a screenplay...

So I'm trying something here but I'm still not sure.

I have about 100,000 words of backstory and that isn't even over yet and I'm trying to write a TV series screenplay.

I literally don't know why

It's a comedy so I had a really great time getting to make my characters be complete idiots but I have no idea how to write this and it's been a ride...

That's about it. I'm having new character ideas but I don't want to get myself wrapped around them yet. But my next big thing is going to be a horror novel (with chaotic energy and some idiocy, the only things that are a constant in my works) so if you have any tips, let me know. I tend to write in every genre. I thrive for it actually. I think it's a good experience to figure out what I truly enjoy and the things I wouldn't want to touch with a 10-foot pole

Anyways, feel free to interact, I'll be making an effort to be more active about my WIPs and post more about them here. Maybe it's the little push I need to focus on them and actually finishing one for a change. You can drop a message anytime, let's be friends and writing buddies!

[thebibliomancer]

Song of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 10

Song of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because DON’T TRUST WHO??

Last times in book: Kylan, Naia, Tavra, and Gurjin are on their way to Aughra’s High Hill to enlist her help in warning all Gelfling of the Skeksis’ drinking problem. I.e. they like to drink people. On the way up the hill, Kylan spots some dream-etching in a spider nest that says DO NOT TRUST HER. Vaguely ominous!

Chapter 10

Naia talks to some more plants. The party meets Aughra. Ha ha.

Aughra’s High Hill was not casually named. Within the mountainous forest, it was the highest point in all the land, near where the Black River originated, closest to the suns and moons and stars. Not a high hill, but the High Hill.

Good reason for it to be named like that then.

‘Aughra lives on the high hill’ ‘Oh, which one?’ ‘I don’t think you understand. When I say the high hill i mean THE high hill.’

Anyway, after all that stuff about reading writing under a spider web, Tavra doesn’t even care enough to ask. Gurjin does but Naia just tells him they’re not sure what it meant.

With Naia spending time chatting with Gurjin, it leaves Kylan nothing to do but think which he decides is his role.

If that was his job in all of this, then he would gladly take on the burden.

Its a lonely job possessing the sole pair of braincells to rub together ha ha (just joshing obvs)

Kylan thinks about that mysterious DO NOT TRUST HER message but he can’t really get anywhere on that ponderation so instead decides to ask Tavra what she meant when she said spiders hate Gelfling.

“Spiders hate Gelfling... All Vapra know this.”

“They hate us? All of them?”

“Oh yes. From the death-stingers to the crystal-singers.”

This was news to Kylan, though on reflection he’d never had a conversation with any spider before. The idea that an entire race might loathe his own was discomfiting. He wasn’t even sure what a crystal-singer spider was.

He asks why spiders hate Gelfling but Tavra just tells him to ask the next time he sees a spider. Which is a weird answer.

So I’ve changed my suspicion for what’s up with Tavra from ‘something something Skeksis’ to ‘something something Skeksis but definitely think she’s Spider-Tavra.’

I think the books and the show are following at least the same vague outline so I figure with all the opinions she has on spiders all of a sudden, she might be being controlled by one.

Later, Tavra tells the group they’ll reach Aughra’s by evening and asks if they’ve prepared what they’re going to say to her.

“I plan to tell her the situation and see if she has advice. Is there more to it than that?”

“You’re about to speak to Mother Aughra, the Ram-Horned. The mouth of Thra. She was born of the world, both child and mother. She has seen Thra before the Gelfling were but sprouts in the garden of all creatures. You would speak to her so casually?”

“I’ll speak to her like I’d speak to anyone else,” Naia said. “With respect -- if she deserves it.”

God, Naia is great. Its that Drenchen upbringing. The hard-talk. Just cut right to the point.

Gurjin points out that Aughra probably respects hard-talk since it’s the language of the natural world.

Which I kinda see? As a point?

Tavra just shakes her head at this but doesn’t really object. She doesn’t even want to be here so at best she’s disappointed on principle.

Kylan, almost passive protagonist but definitely a socially withdrawing protagonist that he is, doesn’t add to the conversation. Just thinks anxious thoughts.

Aughra was said to be wise, to know all things -- but as Tavra had said, she might already know about the Skeksis. Worse, she might already know and yet have done nothing. The Gelfling were her favored children, as their lore sang time and time again, but those songs had been written by the Gelfling. Did Aughra think of the Gelfing as much as any flower in her garden? Would she be equally content to see one creature devour another, if it, too, were part of the circle of life?

Its an interesting idea there about the Gelfling being her favored children, according to Gelfling. Like, oh geez what if we overestimated ourselves?

(Although the minor good point to add to this anxiety ramble is that the Skeksis aren’t part of the natural order. So there’s that.)

Gurjin also thanks Kylan for keeping Naia company and helping her in the woods during that whole Gurjin heroic sacrifice thing.

Kylan: “I’m glad you’re alive. I’m glad we all are.”

Aw, friends.

They reach the finger vines as mentioned in Rian’s warning.

Thick orange vines covered the cliff wall in front of them, finger-shaped and tangled like rope that had been left too long to its own devices. No further pathways led deeper into the crag, but Kylan could feel a draft coming from behind the vines. There was a tunnel there but they would have to pass through the overgrowth, and if one part of Rian’s instructions had stayed with Kylan, it was to stay away from the finger-vines.

Tavra hucks a rock into the vines and they immediately tangle about it before dropping it as inedible.

So, I’m pretty sure that these are the same vines that Jen will eventually blunder into. It’s not his fault, he didn’t have a helpful Rian in his life.

I wonder how long the vines take to eat something. Jen is lucky that Aughra was literally right around the corner when he got caught.

I’m honestly a bit surprised that finger-vines are a specific predatory plant and not just. Something Aughra set up to discourage solicitors.

Oh my god, I’m once again blown away by Jen going to visit Aughra in his quest without any idea of her significance. The UrRu never even told him that (for all practical purposes) god lived a day down the road.

I’m sure they did their best but wow. He has holes in his education.

I’m getting off-track.

Naia tries calling for Aughra through the vines but this time she’s not lurking right around the corner so that doesn’t work.

Tavra was unimpressed and unsurprised, almost smug at the situation.

I’m glad that you’re probably a spider, Tavra, because you are being a bummer.

She again calls this whole trip a waste of time which annoys Naia into wing flicking. Love the wing body language but now I’m wondering what specific muscles correspond to that. I guess if your back stiffens... yeah, that makes sense.

Anyway, Naia is so annoyed that she decides to dreamfast with a plant again. She just goes and puts her hands on the vines and instead of entangling her, they do not do that.

Kylan had learned the language of the Landstriders, as all Spriton did. Tavra had certainly learned the tongue of other creatures as well, in her training to serve the All-Maudra. But those were languages spoken on the tongue, in sets of words and phrases. Naia’s unique ability to dreamfast with creatures other than Gelfling let her speak in the universal song of the heart.

This is neat!

It expands on Kira’s beastmastery. At least in the novelization, it’s mentioned during Jen and Kira’s dreamfast that Kira’s podmom Ydra taught her the language of animals.

And apparently it used to be a thing for some Gelfling to learn. But not as much as Kira! Ydra knew a lot!

Anyway, after dreamfasting with a plant again, the vines open like a curtain to let the four Gelfling (or four Gelfling and a spider??) enter.

At the end of the tunnel they find a door to Aughra’s Sweet Orrery.

(Just imagine the Dark Crystal theme in your head)

Most impressive was the enormous moving contraption that occupied the center of the chamber. It filled the space of the room with dozens of huge spheres, mounted on poles and swooping arms. The machine rotated and gyrated like a living thing, spheres orbiting spheres, circling yet other spheres, all of it shining in bronze, copper, iron, and glistening stones. Clearly, the grating sounds emanated from the machine, and the movement of its pieces stirred the air so it felt as though there were a breeze, even inside the crystal dome.

“Amazing,” Kylan breathed.

He recognized some of the symbols etched deep into the metals: the symbols that represented the Three Brothers, others that represented the elements of the earth and water, air and fire.

“Its the path of the stars,” he said. “The suns, and...”

Then Aughra pops up from behind a book tower.

And she is amazing.

“What, you just gonna stare? Walk right into my home just to stare, did you? Maybe you should draw a picture, take it with you!”

This is exactly the kind of Aughra I was hoping for.

Also, the way she speaks the Gelfling language (the single Gelfling language that exists I guess?) with what sounds like an ancient accent to Kylan. Although I’m not sure how he would know, I’d bet he’s right.

Naia takes the lead and tells Aughra that they’re here to ask for her help, calling her Mother Aughra.

“Mother Aughra, eh? Ask for my help, eh? Why is it you Gelfing only call Aughra Mother when you need help? That’s what children do, I guess... I guess that’s what they do.”

‘You never call, you never write’ hahaha

This is quality Aughra content.

With her grump helpfully communicated, she takes note of the party and grumps some more, noting that they only have a Spriton, a Vapra, and a Drenchen.

“Hmph. Three out of seven ain’t bad. It’s still soon. Where are the others?”

And when they don’t have any idea what she means:

“What others, he asks? What others? The other clans, of course! Gelfling gathering. What else is there to know?”

Its like when you arrive to the final dungeon without a full party and the NPC is like ‘lol no go hit some more plot flags’

Aughra sat heavily on her table stool, as if hoping they might go away if she ignored them long enough.

I don’t know how many ways I can say how great this is.

I’m living for it. Unlike Jen, these Gelfling know that Aughra isn’t some random grumpy mountain woman. She’s basically god and she’s behaving like a cranky grandmother. Kylan can’t even warp his head around how different from his expectations this is turning out to be.

I also guess it answers in this continuity whether Aughra was so grumpy in the movie because she’d lost much of her hope after the Gelfling were all but wiped out. It turns out: no, she’s Just Like That.

When a thousand ++ trine you reach, be so nice you will not.

But since they don’t just leave, Aughra decides she will say more things.

“Come on, then, Gelfling. Children. Aughra already knows what you want to know. Whether it’s what you want to hear, though, hmph! Might not be.”

Oh, this sidequest is shaping up beautifully.

J.M. Lee, you have done a marvelous job.

[boomerang109]

*looks at my fic, which hasn’t been updated in 4 weeks (other than edits because i Didn’t Like It) and i’ve now driven myself into a horrible writers block immediately after outlining the entire thing possibly because i have outlined the entire thing and i forgot where i was going with this but am i sending it anyway yes i am please god tell me to write someone threw my motivation out the window and it’s all muddy now and i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block anyway ily cant wait for the next chapter of wwda get it out when you can don’t stress ily bye*

don’t tell me why my brain is like “yes we can answer this but we’ll combust if we look at any messages.” there’s no logic but i’ll get around to your messages and everyone else’s there. (to everyone waiting for like two sentence answers who’s seeing me post paragraphs, i’m sorry. the braincell does not function)

the way that i’m in YES! i can help! mode even tho i myself am lowkey in writer’s block which means i’m not qualified at all ajfhjghfgfdjghj

first of all: outlines are just to guide you. they stress me the fuck out too (which is why i’ve refused to put my wwda outline to paper, despite the fact that this means the timeline is absolutely fucked. like it’s in my brain, but if i put it on paper i’ll try to stick to it and i’ll freak out--see my month long break when i had an “outline” for chapter four). you can have goals for chapters (ie, lay groundwork for foreshadowing/character development/etc) but overall? just let yourself sit in front of the computer and vibe. don’t think about where you’re going, just think about where you are. 

“i don wanna touch it oh god what even is that metaphor see what i mean about the writers block“ this? this is you judging yourself while you write and i don’t want to see ANY of that shit. writing is a process and editing is a thing, but when you’re doing your first draft you just gotta word vomit. sorry that’s a gross phrase but that’s what i do. and honestly? most of wwda is barely pieced together word vomit. idek why anyone likes it, but they do. and even if they didn’t--nothing would exist if you don’t put something to paper to start with.

apparently this advice doesn’t apply to everyone (i still can’t process @hella1975 ‘s writing technique like what the actual fuck) but for me one of the big things with writer’s block is starting where i want to start and just writing whatever fucking scenes i want. idk if that makes sense so i’ll put it into the context of wwda. so when i was still in my fucking intensive class i wasn’t writing cause i didn’t have time except for like a few minutes before bed at like 3am. now at 3am i’m not gonna write suki and azula being rivals cause i can barely handle that dynamic when i’m Focused. but at 3am i’m sad as fuck and i generally like to peruse the ao3 dadkoda tag, so instead i just wrote my own dadkoda scenes for much later (although they’re not actually that far off) in the fic. are they gonna need some editing cause i was just like ‘maximum angst even tho this scene is supposed to be about healing’? yes. yes i was. now the other day on the plane (when i really should’ve been working on an essay i didn’t end up finishing) i was like okay, i need to work on something actually relevant to chapter 12. but i’ve worked myself into a corner with my azula & iroh scene so i didn’t want to deal with that bullshit on two hours of sleep and also being called “miss” and other female terms in the airport got me all in the gender feels so i was like oh! i’ll write some more enby aang! and i wrote this like gorgeous passage or two on aang’s gender feels. and yeah, it probably makes no sense for aang cause i wrote it from a pov that was too much me and not enough aang, but the point still remains. i skipped to a part of the chapter that was important to me. and then i realized that aang could be having these thoughts in the context of another scene which led to . . . and there i was with somewhat of a complete thought for the chapter. 

also along those lines, if you’re having writer’s block you gotta look at that block. what’s wrong? is there something wrong with the story up to this point? is there something you don’t like about where you’re going? is there something you really want to write that you’re not letting yourself write? 

cause the thing is, we’re not professional authors. we’re fic writers. we do this for fun cause we love the characters. so if you’re not loving the characters for some reason, you shouldn’t force yourself. take the pressure off yourself. this fandom is so supportive, they’re not going to rush you (literally look at the fact that even as you say you’re excited for wwda you also tell me not to stress) and remember to apply that to yourself. it’s okay to need a break, whether that’s cause the vibes are off or cause you’re tired or any other reason. 

i tried to write a bunch of different thoughts cause i know different things work for different people, i hope at least one of these ideas help. i literally haven’t looked at wwda even though i really want to be writing (and i still haven’t been reading fic). sometimes our brains just don’t cooperate. and yeah, i could sit here and yell at myself and go “what the fuck boom you’ve been looking forward to writing for literal weeks and now you have time and you’re doing other stuff what is wrong with you” and sometimes it’s really tempting to give into that. but the truth is i don’t usually do as much work as i did the past few weeks on as little sleep as i got so i’m really fucking tired. and so i’m giving myself a break. and i’m just not emotionally prepared to read fic cause--oh oops i hadn’t admitted to myself until right this second that i was avoiding fic cause i’m suppressing my feelings that kinda hurt wtf this wasn’t supposed to become therapy hour wtf. but as dumb as all that feels to put, i’m not gonna delete it cause i’m sure you’re gonna read it and say something along the lines of “it’s okay to rest and wait to read/write if that’s what you need!” cause you’re a nice person. so say those things to yourself IF that’s what you need. but if you’ve been sitting in bed for weeks and don’t have any reason not to write, maybe it’s time to word vomit. or if you have a problem with your story maybe you should look at that. just, do whatever works for you but be gentle with yourself. give yourself the same kindness you give others. whenever i’m not sure how to handle something (or how to treat myself ig), i’ll ask myself how i would give advice to a friend. so maybe try that. look at yourself, your writing process, your fic like it’s a friend’s and be like hmm. what would i recommend my friend do? and if weird rambley advice that probably displays my many years of therapy is helpful to you, then know my inbox (and my messages that i swear i’ll answer some day) are always open. i’m not gonna read this over cause i know if i do i’ll be too embarrassed to post so i’m just hoping it’s helpful. much love <3

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► agree.

date(s): july 2020 - february 2021 mentions of: champion members, unity members (samsoo, yul & sunghee mentioned by name but like... blink and you’ll miss it)  word count: +/- 2.3k words (870w lyrics/660 words composition/740 words production) warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks and car accidents details: full lyrics and full composition verification for agree, 3/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon doesn’t only know how to write sad boi music, he also writes angry boi music, the only two emotions he’s ever experienced rlly. (a/n: i lost my braincells within the first 100 words and still haven’t retrieved them, read at your own discretion)

the song is born out of frustration, anger blocking up his throat to the point it feels hard to breathe.

it’s the kick-off point of champion’s world tour, a concept that has jaewon disgruntled enough as it is, snatching him away from unity and dropping him in the states like he is supposed to care about this group, like he doesn’t have better things to worry about.

but alas that’s beside his point, as much as he detests the idea behind champion, it’s not his main source of frustration.

traveling out to the states, that part is hell. now jaewon has never been a huge fan of traveling, suffering from a crippling fear of flying ever since predebut that somehow has not gotten any less severe with the sheer amount of flying all over the place unity has been doing. jaewon also absolutely hates airports, they’re too crowded, too hectic and far too stressful to not immediately put him in a godawful mood.

the cameras shoved right into his face both prior to departure and directly after arrival definitely didn't help.

comparatively, champion’s trip to the states this time hadn’t been that bad. jaewon just happens to be in an extra foul mood today but rationally, he has to admit that he’s seen far worse throughout the years.

but maybe that’s exactly the problem, how common these things have become, that getting pushed and pulled at while trying to get on flight was considered to be mild.

jaewon’s frustration isn’t solely aimed at an isolated instance, it’s at the ridiculous standard that’s been set for idols, the things they have to accept like they are normal.

normally he would call soo to complain about whatever was bothering him but with the time difference, jaewon knew his boyfriend was ought to be asleep at this hour and he definitely wasn’t waking him up for something this minor.

he even humors the thought of perhaps finding sunghee or yul to complain to but with most of champion out for the night doing whatever (admittedly, jaewon didn’t listen when they were making plans, he wasn’t gonna tag along anyway) that isn’t really in the cards either. perhaps that’s for the best, jaewon isn’t the biggest fan of actually talking to the younger unity members about what was on his mind.

either way, jaewon is stuck in a hotelroom by himself, no one around to really vent his frustration too so instead, he might just as well write it all down.

and that’s exactly what he does, settling down at the desk in his hotelroom, scribbling on a notepad randomly found laying around.

on the plane the person in the seat next to me that’s not my fan apparently buying info off the airplane company

it’s not entirely relevant to what happened at the airport earlier but jaewon feels angry all over just thinking about it. unity has had it’s fair share of experiences with saesangs, seemingly only increasing the more popular they keep getting. sure, that makes sense but it doesn’t mean it’s okay, contrary to what dimensions seem to believe with how easily the company brushes it off under the pretense of it just being another part of the job.

at the airplane lounge there’s a war between the 200 mm guns privacy, panic disorder, they barter with one another...

in the first place, jaewon’s main concern is unity, it always is. he’s willing to put up with a lot if it means the younger members are left off the hook. but he has to admit, since the panic attacks have started to become more prevalent, it’s a lot harder to take that stance. it’s hard to take care of others when he fails to take care of himself.

jaewon tries not to think about what that means for his position as a leader.

from early morning put on a mask and fight on in short, call it being a puppet...

jaewon knows he’s not an ideal idol, he’s never been and he never will be. maybe in retrospect, he would have done things differently but there is no use in considering those what-ifs now. there is, however, no denying that all of it is just a bigger struggle with him, it will never go as easily as with people who were made to stand in front of the camera’s. why shouldn’t he get to be open and honest about that? he’s not the perfect idol they want him to be, he will never fit that mold.

i know, that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right i know that’s right that’s right that’s right

written out, the chorus feels a bit silly, but jaewon feels justified in his creative choices. not that the song is ever going to be used for anything, it’s just an attest to his frustration. jaewon knows he’s ought to sit down and silently accept whatever is expected of him.

it’s been years since he’s been his own person. these days, he’s dimensions’ property first and that of the general public second, there is no use in fighting that, no space for his voice.

so sure, whatever, he agrees, what else can he do?

---------------

jaewon forgets about the lyrics he’s written down after that.

in the moment there had been no intention to turn them into a full-fledged song, a haphazard combination of lyrics that in their raw form, probably held very little meaning, too much filler between the few parts that he did properly think through.

so jaewon forgets all about it before he even sets foot back in korea again. unity is busy enough, the release of neo zone lurking around the corner and with multiple schedules of his own, jaewon can’t even think about the song if he wants to.

it only comes drifting back into his consciousness at least a month of two having passed since champion’s american tour dates.

the day in itself isn’t anything special, if there is anything remarkable about it it’s the fact jaewon isn’t working for once. he’s just hanging around his and samsoo’s apartment, scrolling through whatever app on his phone keeps his attention for long enough.

until an article pops up.

it’s a news post about a rookie group he’s never heard of from a company he doesn’t know the name of, it has nothing to do with him, but he finds himself reading through it anyway. apparently, they got into an accident on their way home from schedules as they were being followed by saesangs. no one got injured and truly, it’s not the first time jaewon has read news like this but it does fill him with the same sense of anger as what he had experienced that first day in the states with champion.

because this type of news shouldn’t be common, for how long are people gonna pretend it is?

maybe he should finish that damn song.

wait does he even still have the lyrics?

jaewon vaguely remembers at the very least putting the sheet of paper in his backpack after the concert as he had been packing up to move to the next city of their tour but after that, he can’t say he recalls having seen it lay around.

he’s really ought to get more orderly with his drafts.

luckily for him, jaewon does find the sheet of paper, not in his bag but shoved in between the pages of a notebook and with the draft of his lyrics obtained he makes a beeline for his home studio. normally he’d do this stuff at the company headquarters but truly, that sounds like far too much work in the moment.

obviously, the song is meant to have an angry undertone to it, supposed to convey the same anger and frustration that swallowed jaewon whole as he had written the lyrics.

the deep, resonating boom of low brass sounds for the opening of the song are a no brainer, the sound gives a bombastic, ominous vibe, immediately setting the song off on the right note. it’s supposed to sound grande and honestly a little bit intimidating, a dark feeling creeping around the corners.

of course, the sound is far too theatrical to be underlaying to the entire song so jaewon alternates it with a deep, booming bassline, the brass only reappearing right before the chorus other than in the opening section as if to give off a warning. to fill up the verses and the parts in between, jaewon adds rumbling, deep drums in the background, making them feel less empty.

what really makes the song however is the rapidly-cycling electronic stuttering a rhythmic pattern across almost all parts of the song. it feels a little distracting at first before jaewon decides that really, that’s exactly what he’s going for. the melody feels just a little too fast, uncomfortably so and in a song reflecting so much stress and strain, that only feels fair, reflectives of the way his chest tightens up when he can’t breathe, when his hands tremble and his heart beats so fast it might as well make him sick.

jaewon thinks it conveys his frustrations pretty damn well.

---------------

it doesn’t seem in the books for the song to ever be released until the process of selecting songs for escapism comes along. while jaewon regains some of his creative freedom, most of it had been under dimensions terms, leaving it up to them to shape the album in a way they prefer over his creative vision.

until somewhere near the end of completing the track list, the head producer asks jaewon if he has any songs laying around that could fit in with the rest of the album.

‘agree’ is the first thing to come to mind.

the head producer seems to like the songs, enough to approve it at least and jaewon can’t help but feel a flare of pride. the producer seems intent on leaving the creative process in his hands, letting him handle the production.

it makes ‘agree’ the first song ever that’s entirely his own that he gets to release, it feels like a milestone to jaewon.

he does get a little list of suggestions, mainly pertaining to the lyrics. the producer leaves a few remarks here and there about where lines could be stronger, what he would do differently but all of it are very loose recommendations, jaewon isn’t actually under an obligation to do anything with them.

in the end, he does anyway, shuffles some lyrics around, dares to be a bit more assertive in his wording, right onto the border of what he would consider too gloat-y for himself. but the producer is right, it gets to pack a punch, it gets to be a little bit self-important. somehow having the external confirmation makes it easier to write those lyrics without feeling like a fraud. it’s still his, his writing, his song.

with the last tweaks done they’re quick to get to recording. they’re still on a time crunch as jaewon’s manager reminds him (jaewon likes the man well enough but dear lord would he never let him forget). it's one of the last songs on the album to be recorded after all and at this point, they are cutting it close.

with everything else he needs done, all jaewon has left to do is fine tune the song, the last tweaks and sounds to be added like missing puzzle pieces now he has the bigger picture pretty much laid out in front of him, polishing and detailing it to elevate the song worth of something to be released on an album.

the instrumental is already pretty hectic, fully intentional of course, but with a proper, clear recording it’s easier to spot the empty gaps, spaces to add the last finishing touches. he adds more brass, less grande and dramatic than the ones in the pre-chorus, curling around the edges of the chorus to round them up neatly and as if to scale down again for the verses, still fast paced but somewhat a breath of fresh air between one chorus and the other.

he delays the part at the opening before the brass and bass kick in, a silence before the storm feels even if the hyperactive stuttering beat is already there, he considers taking that out at first too but the point kind of is that it is more or less omnipresent, it’s always there even when there is nothing else much, like the anxiety that feels permanently stuck to his head.

there is also the addition of an extra melodic line, lingering behind that main, slightly headache inducing electronic synth. it doesn’t really stand out, especially not compared to it’s main competitor but it does remain prevalent in the few parts the main instrumental motif is nowhere to be found, giving it small moments to shine. it serves a clear function, or to jaewon listening ear at least (maybe he’s overanalyzing at this point). the little bounces of the electronic beat all over the place keep up the pace of the song, making sure its explosive nature prevails over the dark dreary undertones of the bassline and brass sections, giving it an overall dynamic feel.

it takes some fiddling, jaewon pulls something close to an all-nighter to finish up the song with the sheer amount of detail he ends up focussing on but by the time he sends it in, he has a good feeling about it at least.

when he presents the final product to the head producer, there are no more suggestions. it’s good, and it’s all his own work.

[gingrrfrog]

these nights (2) self insert vers.

pairing: na jaemin x female reader x lee jeno 

genre: smut, established relationship, mafia au 

word count: 5.3k 

warnings: mentioned gun violence, threesome, male receiving oral sex, swearing, dirty talking, polaroid photos taken during sex (I couldn’t find the actual name for this kink >:T), poly relationship (if for some reason that bothers some of you), squirting

summary: on a cold winter day, you snuggle close to the loves of your life--hours before they’re due for a job. 

masterlist :]

You winced at the sound of the sniper rifle going off again, watching as Jeno lifted his head from the scope, grinning at the newest version of the Sako TRG-42 rifle. From what you could tell, Jeno seemed to be extremely pleased with the results, judging by the way his eyes creased into half circles as he tossed the loaded gun in his hands.

You nearly tore you hair out. You can’t count the amount of times you’ve told Jeno not to do that.

Jaemin was close by, clapping his hand against Jeno’s shoulder as the two chatted with Renjun, a member from the Chinese branch that was in charge of weapon distribution. It seemed that Renjun was asking for feedback and Jeno was giving it to him animatedly, switching the Sako for a handgun, sleek, white, and light judging by the way Jeno again tossed it back and forth in his hands.

You whined out and dug your fingernails in your scalp, “Lee Jeno! Stop fucking tossing them around like that!” You scream from behind the enforced glass, making sure to glare at Jaemin as well for allowing this behavior.

Jeno jumped and looked up to give you another smile, followed by a pout once he saw your scowl. Jaemin blinked rapidly before taking the gun from Jeno, placing it on the table beside them as they continued to chat with Renjun—who gave an apologetic smile and a wave. As they continued to chat, Jeno turned away from the two and continued to shoot the white gun in hand, emptying the barrel before you heard his exclamations behind the glass. He grinned ear to ear and you began to wonder if Jeno loved guns more than you.

Jaemin was first to be finished with the conversation, giving Renjun a wave before stepping up the slick steps to sit next to you against the cold metal chairs. You give him a scrunch of your nose before he leans into kiss it, pulling you into his lap as you rest your head against his.

“Cold?”

“A little,” You hum, feeling much warmer now that he was close by. “Did Jeno enjoy himself?”

“You tell me,” Jaemin snorted. You both watched as Renjun exited as he gave the two of you another wave as he exits the scene while Jeno excitedly disassembles the guns and places them in his bag. He watches the two of you as he bounces up the steps, smiling at you brightly before he leans in to give you a kiss.

“Why do I feel you’re always happier when you get new guns than when I get a new dress?” You tease, laughing when Jeno’s smile turns.

“That’s not true. It’s just a hobby, just like how you get excited when you buy new paintbrushes.”

“Paintbrushes don’t kill people.”

“Neither do guns—“ Jaemin starts, looking up at Jeno with a grin as the latter takes your chin.

“I kill people.” Jeno coos, causing you to rolls your eyes and snap your chin out of his hold.

“You’re so fucking embarrassing—that’s such a cheesy line.”

“But it’s true!” They both add, jumping at the sound of a throat clearing.

The two boys’ backs straighten when they see Jaehyun appear before them. They greet him almost instantly, surprised that their boss bothered to visit them at the range when they were in charge of arranging meetings. You were even surprised, you can’t remember a time meeting Jaehyun outside of his home, but even then, you weren’t involved as Jaemin and Jeno were.

“I thought I would find you three here.”

“What brings the sudden visit?” Jaemin greets, a bit bolder than most would considering their shared mother gives Jaemin a pass at things many members wouldn’t have.

“Just needed a quick chat—I was in the area already anyway.”

“Did something happen?”

“Nothing…we can’t fix,” Jaehyun beams, flashing his dimples at his half-brother before glancing quickly over to you. “Just some details for clean up is all.”

“Me clean up or Jaemin clean up?” Jeno asked, eyes gleaming in excitement.

“This is up your alley, Jeno. Jaemin is a shit shot.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and patted your thigh, “let’s wait for Jeno in the car before he gets hard.”

“Very funny. I’ll be there in a little bit,” Jeno reassures you, taking your hand before kissing you sweetly. “Jaemin owes us dinner because he missed the most targets.”

Jaehyun snorted as Jaemin rolled his eyes, ushering you out of the range and towards your car. On the way you made eye contact with Jaehyun’s fiancee, looking ever so glamorous as she read a big book of baby names and patted the growing bump on her belly. You waved and gave her a smile, to which she returned, so breathtakingly beautiful.

You figured as much. You couldn’t imagine Jaehyun settling for anything less with dimples like those. You hoped that if you ever got pregnant one day, you would look half as beautiful as she did. However, what with Jeno and Jaemin, you can imagine feeling more stressed than relieved. You shudder at the thought, causing Jaemin to hold you closer.

“Are you that cold?”

“No, I was just thinking.”

Jaemin opened the passenger door for you and waited for you to get inside before he jogged to the drivers side, closing the door as he sighed at the warm air.

“Thinking about what?”

“Your brother’s fiancee.”

“Yeah what about her?”

“She’s really pretty, isn’t she?” You mused, not even sure if you were speaking aloud or not, “she like, glows. Her pregnant glow isn’t fair.”

“You’d glow too if all you did was be pampered by my brother.”

“Don’t be mean, Jaemin.”

“I’m not! She’s nice and pretty, but my brother is overly protective,” He sighs, lowering the car seat as he crosses his arms and closes his eyes. “He doesn’t let her lift a finger at home, it’s a wonder how he lets her go to work.”

“I wonder that too—isn’t a chef a lot of strain? She’s also pretty big.”

“She really does quality check. Her sous-chef does most of the work these days. But even then, hyung only lets her work three days out of the six.”

You chuckle and lean your head against the window, cold in comparison to the rest of your body.

“What now?”

“What if we have a baby?” You laugh loudly, “how funny would that be? Two idiot fathers and a dumb mom.”

Jaemin laughs lightly too, “Jeno would cry.”

“Jeno doesn’t cry,” You turn your head and poke Jaemin in the ribs, “/you/ on the other hand—“

“Who would you want to get your pregnant first?” Jaemin asked eagerly, his eyes shooting open and lifting his chair.

You blinked and slapped his shoulders, “have you thought about this before?”

“Yes. I want it to be me.”

You scrunch your nose, “you were kind of ugly as a baby. Jeno was a little cuter.”

Jaemin’s mouth drops and he sulks almost instantly, turning on his side away from you. You cackle as you pull on his shoulder, trying desperately to admit that you were joking (even if there was some truth to the statement).

Before Jaemin could fully forgive you, Jeno appeared in front of the car, looking as eager as he always did before he slipped on an ice patch, hearing a thud and a groan coming from outside.

Jaemin snapped his neck to look at you, “you want those braincells in our child? Is that the child you want?”

“You and Jeno share one braincell and it’s the one I gave you, now move.” You grin, opening the door and pushing Jaemin out the door.

Jaemin huffs out dramatically as he exits the car and picks Jeno up onto his feet. Jeno gets into the driver’s side and grabs you for yet another kiss, “Dinner time?”

You snorted before pulling away, “I never see you this happy when I wear a new dress—I swear by it.”

“Because I’m more excited by what’s under it.”

You roll your eyes before Jeno playfully bites at your cheek. You glanced at Jaemin at the backseat who winks at you. As annoying as Jeno and Jaemin were together, you still couldn’t ignore how they made your heart pound time and time again.

The drive home was a quiet one. Jaemin hummed along to the radio in the backseat while he scrolled down his phone, presumably checking emails while Jeno’s fingertips tapped the beat against your knee, every so often giving a reassuring squeeze anytime you sighed, a silent indicator to not worry, you were almost home. The original planned consisted of going out to eat for dinner but the weather had different plans as the white sky turned a bleak grey, leaning more towards a grey brown hue than anything else. A team decision was then made to order take out, opting to stay home instead in order to avoid the snow seeing that Jeno has to leave early in the morning tomorrow. The last thing he wanted to worry about was his car getting stuck.

You sat on Jeno’s lap as Jaemin ordered food from the other room. The snow began to cascade just then, lighter than you originally thought considering the news forecast this morning, but the wind looked menacing as it pushed snowflakes into the other on occasion. You cuddled closer to Jeno when a slight draft squeezed its way into the window, just barely caressing the skin on your arm enough to leave bumps in its wake.

Jeno pressed his lips against your hair as he rubbed your arm slightly, using the same hand to tuck stray strands of hair away from your face. You sigh and lean against his palm, looking up and watching as his eyes scanned from your forehead to your chin, the left corner of his lip lifting ever so slightly.

“Cold?”

You smile and shake you head in response, “not when you’re here.”

Jeno chuckles and pulls you in for a kiss, deeper than other ones you’ve shared today as his warm hands frame your face, pulling you closer as your breath fans his face in unsteady waves. Your heart presses against your ribcage, threatening to burst with adoration as Jeno’s hands move from your face to your waist, fingers just gently brushing against the exposed skin that laid there—imitating the brisk December air as his fingertips, too, left goosebumps with every stroke.

“I love you,” he breathed.

“I love you more,” you reply sweetly, pulling away just slightly to glance in his eyes to later look at his swollen bottom lip.

You had met Jeno when he was only 18—a gangly street kid who knew his way around guns and who was always riding his illegal temp car around the block. He convinced you to go on a date with him after he joined you for a walk when you were feeling the weight of university crushing onto you. You met Jaemin little afterwards, being introduced to you as Jeno’s best friend and right hand man. The two were inseparable and remain to be as the two ultimately fell in love with you, and you with them. Even now, four years later and at 23 years old, you couldn’t imagine a life without them, and you refused to as the two of them gave you everything you could ever want and more, with endless amounts of love and trust, you were one of the few that was blessed with two soulmates.

You were pulled out of your reverie as Jeno connected your lips together again, this time pressing you against the couch and giggling as his teeth made small marks around your neck. Beaming up at the other, you pulled Jeno closer into another intimate kiss as you wrapped your legs around his waist, lifting your hips as you feel his thumbs fidgeting with the band of your jeans.

“I got pizza and chicken, both should be here in a little considering the snow—what the fuck?”

You chuckle as you watch Jeno roll his eyes and pull away, sitting up on the couch on as he pulls you up with him. Jaemin blinked and sat on the chair on the opposite side of the couch, crossing his arms and very visibly pouting as he turned on the tv.

“No, don’t let me interrupt you. Continue what you were doing. I’ll be here catching up on the newest episode of I Live Alone, maybe I can ask them to host me next.”

“You’re such a fucking baby, come here,” You huff, leaning over and pulling Jaemin to the couch and connecting you lips with his next. Jeno liked to lead whenever the two of you kissed, but when it came to Jaemin, he liked to be guided—not only in kissing but in the moments afterwards as well. He wanted to know where to touch, how long and how hard.

“Jeno was just keeping me warm that’s all, we were just waiting for you,” you whisper, pressing your lips against the space between his chin and ear. “We always wait for you, Jaem.”

“In fact,” Jeno starts, “I’ll give you the honors of starting.”

Jeno pulls you against his chest, his hands taking yours as he holds them tightly behind your back. Your eyes widen as you look behind at Jeno, your eyes furrowing together as he gives you a playful peck at the nose. Jaemin grins then as he sits on his knees to unbutton your jeans, pulling them down your knees as you are left in your underwear, pressing your knees together in an attempt to save whatever decency you had left. But your plans were fruitless as Jeno hooked his legs around yours, leaving you no choice but to expose yourself to the other man in front of you.

“Fuck, Jeno, I knew your obsessive gym habit would pay off,” Jaemin grinned, watching as you huffed and tried to move your arms.

“Maybe next time you’ll go with me.”

“I’ll definitely think about it.”

You rolls your eyes and rested your head against Jeno’s strong chest. You were beginning to think they planned this.

Jaemin carefully pushed your underwear to the side with a single finger, watching your pussy clench around the cold air.

“Holy shit,” he breathed, “I’ll never get tired of this.”

“Take a fucking picture of it, why don’t you?” You snip, aggravated that Jaemin takes his time today of all days.

“That’s a great idea,” Jeno grins. “Jaem, go get the camera.”

Jaemin shared his smile as he ran to the bedroom, quickly grabbing the pink instant camera along with other items as you writhed in Jeno’s arms. The pink instant camera was responsible for many lewd photos, polaroid pictures of you with Jeno’s cock in your mouth and Jaemin’s cock in your pussy, photos of you fucked out at full of cum, creampies, and any other disgusting photo you allowed them to take. You got a kick out of it too, but you’d never let them know. To your knowledge, Jeno still had a picture of you tied up with cum dripping out of you in his wallet, while Jaemin had one where your shirt was pushed up to your neck, tits in show as you drunkly had written *PROPERTY OF NA JAEMIN* on them.

One day you were going to fucking kill them both.

“Make sure you get her wet enough, Jaeminie,” Jeno mumbled, more for you as he kissed your earlobe. “I want the flash to catch how wet her pussy is for us.”

You whine out as Jaemin pressed his finger inside without warning, taking out and using your wet to spread it across your clit. You groan as Jaemin takes your clit in between his thumb and index finger, squeezing just hard enough to make your knees shake. You hear the camera go off and you watched as Jaemin sighs happily, tossing the photo to the side as he relocates his fingers to your mouth, pressing them against your tongue,

“Suck for the camera, baby,” Jaemin all but cooed as you followed your order, hallowing your cheeks around the slim finger as the flash went off again and another white piece of film was discarded on the table.

“Jaemin,” you cry. Jaemin’s eyes flashed with faux concern as he removed his finger from your mouth and cupped your face.

“Yes, baby? What’s wrong, angel?”

“More.”

“More? More what, Angel? Photos?”

You shook your head as you did your best to press against Jeno’s erection, the same one that was pressed against your back.

“I want more of you—of you and Jeno.”

Jaemin hummed and tucked your hair behind your ear, much like Jeno earlier as he looked at said man. “What do you think, Jen?”

Jeno smiled softly, “whatever angel wants,”

“Angel gets.” Jaemin sighed, “Jeno has you so spoiled, baby.”

You couldn’t help but to smile helplessly as Jeno released your arms. You notice the red marks and couldn’t help but to worry for the bruises tomorrow—but you were immediately distracted by the fact that Jeno was already removing your sweater and bra while Jaemin finally pulled your underwear off.

“Who do you want where, baby?” Jeno breathes.

“I want Jaem in my mouth,” you breathe as pressed his lips against yours. “I want you in my pussy.”

“Fuck, baby—“

“No foreplay.” You warned, glaring at them both. “I want you to fuck me.”

Jaemin groaned as he pulled your head towards him, lips smacking against each other as you messed with his pants, finally releasing him from the restraints of his underwear as Jaemin pulled away with a breathtaking smile.

“Go on then,” Jaemin’s fingers threaded in your hair as your head leaned towards his twitching length. Just then, Jeno had shoved himself inside of you, a bit rougher than usual as your head bumped into Jaemin’s stomach without warning.

“Fuck, Jen, she hasn’t even started yet.” Jaemin glared.

Jeno followed Jaemin’s glare with smile as he thrusted in you time and time again. Thank God or whoever was listening that Jeno took order so obediently.

You took Jaemin’s cock in your mouth shortly after, moving your head up and down until you halted, taking Jaemin’s hands as a sign to take the pace into to his own. You watched as he groaned and tossed his head back to expose his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing every time you swallowed or gagged on his dick. Jeno changed his angle just slightly and he was hitting the spot you loved in seconds, crying and grunting against Jaemin’s cock as tears spilled over your cheeks, the vibrations from your moans only making Jaemin more sensitive as he threatened to cum down your throat.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck me,” Jaemin moaned, your name falling from his lips like a mantra, “so fucking hot-- so fucking tight, gonna cum baby, gonna cum down your slutty throat.”

You looked up at Jaemin, giving him silent permission as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, hips stuttering as you sucked him dry, not letting a drop of cum go to waste as he cock spewed cum. Jaemin all but whined your name as you sucked at the tip of his sensitive head, breathing heavily as he pried your head off his cock. Your head rested on Jaemin thigh as Jeno continued to fuck your relentlessly, sloppy noises coming from your pussy as you squeeze Jeno tighter and tighter.

Now that Jaemin was out of your mouth, your moans came louder and louder as you neared your orgasm. Jaemin brushed your sweaty hair to the side as he took your phone out, pressing record as he focused on your face.

“How’s Jeno’s cock baby? Tell the camera.”

You gave a glare at Jaemin through the camera, knowing that he knew your voice was too hoarse to respond. He grinned from the other side and opted to focus on your hole instead, lewd squelching sounds coming from the other end as Jeno fucked you as if his life depended on it.

“Angel, your pretty little pussy is so close, isn’t it?” Jaemin cooed, zooming into your face and you gripped his free hand and chanted Jeno’s name. Jaemin grabbed your clit in between his fingers like he did early, pulling at it as your eyes glazed over, huffing nonsensical words as you felt pressure building in your abdomen.

“So fucking pretty.” Jaemin sighed, pulling at a nipple before slapping it, “so fucking angelic. That’s why you’re our angel, right baby?”

You nodded and moaned for Jeno again, panic rising in your throat as you felt a familiar gush tease at your clit.

“Jeno, pull out, pull out,” You rasped. You barely made it on time before you spray against Jeno’s cock, listening to his curses as he eagerly jacks his cock against your squirting pussy.

“Fuck, gonna squirt all over my cock? My cock fucks you so good, doesn’t it baby? Doesn’t it make you feel good?”

You cried out as another gush pushes out and onto Jeno’s shirt, staining that and his pants underneath with nothing but your squirt. You lay a writhing, twitching mess on the couch, full of cum and other fluids as the poor couch only soaks up what you couldn’t. Jaemin sighs another curse as he leans in to kiss you shortly before Jeno kisses your belly button.

“I love you, baby.” Jaemin beams.

“I love you, Jaem.”

“I love you, angel.”

You thread your fingers through Jeno’s hair, “I love you, Jen.”

“But who do you love more?” Jaemin asked, jokingly as he knew more than Jeno that you have an equal amount of love.

Continuing with the joke, you pull Jaemin’s arm weakly, “whoever cleans me and this mess up first.”

The answer is interrupted by a knock at the door. Jaemin gets up quickly and shoves himself back in his pants before walking towards the door,  “She can love you more today, Jeno.”

Jeno sighs and looks at you with a smile, “looks like today is my lucky day.”

You smile, “my knight in shining armor.”

“Yeah well,” Jeno gets up swiftly and lifts your up effortlessly, walking towards your shared bathroom as he prepares you a bath. “I’d walk through flames for you. Seven deserts and three tundras just to hear you laugh.”

You smiled as Jeno lowered you in the warm bath. “You’re such a romantic.”

“I know,” Jeno grins, taking the sponge and running it between your legs, “I’m sure Jaemin would do the same. It would only take him longer because he’s lazy. Not to mention, he’s not as poetic as I am.”

Jaemin entered the bathroom then, a tv stand in hands as he sets it on top of the bathtub corners.  He placed a kiss on top your forehead before he sat on the ledge, using chopsticks to help you eat.

“What was Jaehyun talking to you about earlier, Jeno?” You ask, chewing as you tilted your head to the side.

“Just a job for me tomorrow morning,” Jeno looked up at Jaemin. “Hyung said he would text you, did he?”

Jaemin nodded and took pizza in his own mouth, “He did. You’ve got to be there by five.”

Jeno sighed and scratched the back of his head, “it’s a clean up job, if that tells you anything. But five? That means I have to go to bed now.”

“You can go ahead, baby,” you caresses the side of his head, “I probably won’t be awake too long after dinner.”

“I’ll eat with you all for a minute, but I should shower after you take a bath,” Jeno sighed, falling on his back and rubbing his face. “It’s so /cold/ out, I don’t want to go.”

Jaemin kicked Jeno’s side, “you’re going to be packed up tomorrow anyway. You’re probably going to be warmer than usual.”

Jeno grabbed Jaemin’s foot, shoving it to the side before sitting up again, “I guess. I’m going to start packing, I guess. Are you coming?”

Jaemin shook his head, “not with you, no. But I’ll be with Jaehyun hyung watching everything over.”

Jeno grimaced, “lucky you. You get to stay in the warmth of his massive house.”

Jaemin stuck out his tongue before continue to feed you. You watched as Jeno stood up on his feet to kiss you on the crown of your head, “I’m going to take a shower in the other bath. I’ll see you in bed.”

You couldn’t help but be the tiniest bit of upset at the lack of time together—but it was always like this and you couldn’t be mad at him about it now. Instead, you tilt your head back and jut your bottom lip out where Jeno eagerly takes the invitation to kiss you softly.

“I love you, wake me up before you leave tomorrow, okay?”

“Of course baby, get some rest.” Jeno pressed another kiss to your lips before turning to on his heel, only to turn around when he heard Jaemin clear his throat.

“Where’s mine?”

You giggled as you watch Jeno roll his eyes and grab Jaemin’s face with his hands, “you’re so fucking annoying.”

After a chaste kiss, Jeno leaves the room and you’re left alone with Jaemin who moves the food to the side and continues to wash you up before he continues to drain the tub. Wrapped in a warm towel, you move to the bed, shuffling under the bed sheets and watching as Jaemin began to search for pajamas.

“Don’t get in the bed naked you’re going to get cold and then sick,” Jaemin scolded, pulling your arm in attempts to get you out of the bed sheets—but you’ve already decided that you’re not moving an inch.

“I don’t want to, I just want to go to sleep,” You whine, pulling Jaemin closer until he’s sitting next to you. “Let’s just go to sleep, hm?”

“Not yet. I’m going to go get washed up—you better have some clothes on by then.”

“And if I don’t?”

Jaemin squinted and took your face in his hands, squeezing enough to make you laugh, “Jeno says I’m annoying but I think you take the cake.”

“Jeno thinks I’m an angel.”

“Jeno has you spoiled, there’s a difference.”

You stick you tongue out to which Jaemin grins and flicks your nose, “I’ll be back, baby. Get dressed please.”

You scrunch your nose as you agree halfheartedly, scrolling through your phone as you hear the shower turn on in your bathroom and the other turn off. You hear foot steps padding towards you and greet Jeno with a smile, to which he returns with a towel hastily drying his hair.

“Do you not have any clothes on?”

“No. I like it this way, it’s comfortable.”

Jeno shrugs and pulls off his towel to join you, smiling at your warmth before he kisses your shoulder, “I like being comfortable too, actually.”

You laugh and turn to wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, pressing several kisses on his neck as he holds you tighter, “Jaemin is going to get mad. He’s going to say that you’re spoiling me.”

“But that’s what I do, I love to spoil you,” Jeno hums, running his hands over your arm. “On the other hand, it is cold, angel. Wear a sweater at least.”

You sigh, “but then I’m going to be sweaty when I wake up and then I’ll really get sick.”

Jeno’s eyes creased into little crescent moons before he presses kisses all over your face, “please, just spare me from Jaemin’s future nagging.”

You snorted and pull away from Jeno’s embrace and head for the closet, pulling out a sweater shirt that you’d never seen before and yanking it over your head before returning to bed and into Jeno’s arms. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and smiled, “good girl.”

Jaemin entered the room shortly after, throwing the towel to the side already dressed in his pajamas, and checking to see if you had any clothes on, smiling when he saw that you had put a sweatshirt on.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

You scrunched your nose as Jaemin kisses your forehead, only to look under the sheets and sigh. “I meant pants too.”

“Please let me go to sleep.”

“Fine, fine,” Jaemin sighed, laying down and pulling the blanket over his chin.

The lights were turned off seconds afterwards, Jaemin opted to scroll through his phone a bit longer while Jeno’s eyes seemed to close just then. You curled next to Jeno this time around, seeing that Jaemin started a game and wasn’t particularly good at cuddling when he was tense. Jeno wrapped his arms around you and just like that, the two of you fell asleep.

At around four thirty, you woke up to the other side of the bed shuffling. You were curled to Jaemin’s side now, said man refusing to wake up as you watched Jeno’s naked silhouette walk in the dark.

You watched as he got dressed, pulling on underwear and pants first, and watching him dig deep into the closet where a hidden compartment hid. You watched him type each number, 76842, the passcode to Jeno’s hidden arsenal that he gave you should you ever be in the need to protect yourself.

After pulling on a t-shirt, he pulled on his vest, making sure it was sound and heavy against his chest before he continued to layer after grabbing the duffel bag you only assumed he packed the night before.

You sit up quietly, careful enough to make sure you didn’t wake up Jaemin as Jeno turned his head. Even in the darkness you swore you could see his smile. He walked over towards you to kiss you good morning as your blinked your eyes groggily.

“I’m going to on my way out, okay? I’ll be back in two days.”

“Be safe please,” you whisper, squeezing his arm. “I love you so much. Come back to me in one piece.”

“I’ll be okay, angel. I always am.” Jeno placed his duffel bag on the floor before pulling you in for a kiss, “I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll call you before I come home. Try not to kill Jaem while I’m gone.”

“No promises,” you smiled, listening to Jeno’s soft laughter.

“I love you. I’ll be back Tuesday.”

Your stomach churned in unease, “okay.”

Jeno was quiet for a moment before he sat down completely, “are…you going to cry?”

You nod as you wrap you arms around his neck, surprising Jeno as this had been the first time you showed fear before he left. “Just be careful, okay? Renjun never comes for a simple visit and Jaehyun coming to find you never means anything good so please, please, be careful, okay?”

Jeno pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours, holding your head as he brushes tears away, “you have nothing to worry about. I promise. I know, things seems suspiciously tense, but Jaehyun isn’t going to let anything happen to me and Jaemin will be there too, and you know he won’t let anything happen either.”

You continue to wipe tears from your face as Jeno pulled you closer, “I need you to trust me. If I don’t come home to you, you can bring me back to life and kill me yourself.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? After everything I said you only give me an okay to murdering me yourself?”

You gave a small laugh, but it was enough to make Jeno feel comfortable with leaving.

“I’ll call you tonight.”

“You just said tomorrow.”

“Well, I lied, so,” Jeno grinned, kissing you once more. “I really have to go, angel. I don’t want to be late.”

“Okay. I love you. Be safe.”

“I love you more, angel.”

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[dlamp-dictator]

Allen Rambles about Code of Brawl

Man... remind me to never talk about having a future Rambling in the works, it’ll instantly fall into draft-hell. But anyway, I’ve been meaning to talk about Arknights in depth for a while now, but I’ve never had much drive to actually finish the damn draft of my initial thoughts a few months ago. I couldn’t tell you why, I just lost the drive to finish the thing. However, with Code of Brawl coming to a close and my thoughts on the event still lingering I think I can use it as jumping off point to actually talk about the game. 

That said, here’s the synopsis.

Arknights is a Tower Defense game for the PC mobile devices placed in the world of Terra, where an infectious disease known as Oripathy ravages the land, slowly turning people to minerals in a slow and painful process. You play as the Doctor, an amnesiac military commander of the Rhodes Island pharmaceutical company who fights against the Infected radicals known as the Reunion. 

That’s about as far as I can go in a single paragraph for main story, but Code of Brawl instead focuses on the eccentric adventures of Pengiun Logistics, side faction of the game that’s a seemingly innocent delivery company with quite the ragtag group in it, consisting of the happy-go-lucky gunner Exusiai, the cold and dismissive swordswoman Texas, the excitable and energetic Sora, and the business-savvy Croissant. All led by the charismatic and multi-talented Emperor. However, as their new intern Bison comes into the fold the group is caught in a series of gang wars and organized crime trying to snuff out the company.

And unlike Fire Emblem Three Houses, that really is the basic plot without me sarcastically building anything up. With that all said, I think I can move on and talk about... 

The Story

The story of Code of Brawl honestly has the best and worst of Arknights writing. I think having a story that focused on a group outside of Rhodes Island was for the better. For all the lore blurbs and archive notes we get, I think Code of Brawl proves just how little Rhodes Island is involved with the world of Terra at large despite it’s apparent reputation as a weird and quirky company with some terrifyingly powerful Operators and lofty ambitions. And while I’m still only on Chapter 4 since I’m grinding out some E2 before moving on, Rhodes Island really does more reacting to random Reunion plans than anything proactive with their goals of curing Oripathy. They feel more like a counter military force to Reunion, and a barely effective on at that given the point of the story I’m at. Code of Brawl, being focused on another group with a more direct conflict and villains, feels a lot more cohesive and interesting, as Penguin Logistics’s goal is to just get Bison through his first day and take out whatever force is harassing them this week. 

Penguin Logistics as a whole is a rather interesting bunch of ruffians and seeing them is gallivant around Lungmen trading blows and bullets with gangsters is a joy to read and see. Seeing some of the inner workings of Lungmen society, seeing a bit of the underbelly, as well as getting to see the cast just have more casual interactions with each other is great. We learn that Sora really is just gay for Texas, and the all of Penguin Logistics has only 3 function braincells with Texas having one and Mostima having the other two.  We get to see that Sora has probably beaten someone to death with her microphone at some point given how willing she is to bar fight. A lot of fun stuff.

And then... there’s Mostima. 

Look, I like this story, I really do, but Mostima really didn’t need to be here as far as the story is concerned. All she does plot-wise is rile up Exusiai, drop some cryptic advice for Bison, shows she knows more powerful than she leads on, and is a bit of a deus ex machina for the end of the plot, and not even by that much. You could had replaced her with Chen, Swire, Hoshigumi, ShiraYuki, or anyone else that would logically be in Lungmen at the time. Hell, ShiraYuki knowing everything a being cryptic about it would at least be in character for her. 

And that’s not to knock Mostima. I actually pulled her in my last ten-pull (didn’t get Waii Fu though, and I’m still salty about that), she’s a pretty good and damn near god-tier once you get her to E2 if some of the guides on her are to be believed, though her kit is a little niche for an AoE caster of her cost. However, as far as the story is concerned she shows a serious issue with Arknights as a whole. That’s its constant need to have half of their characters be mysterious.

Mysterious Characters

So, just to give an example, here is a list of characters in Arknights with a Mysterious Past™. These are characters that either have their archive notes explicitly state their past is unknown, or characters who’s past is implied but but deliberately kept unconfirmed.

With that said...

Mostima

Myrtle

Cuora

Skadi

Specter

Shining

Siege

Projekt Red

Specter

Blue Poison

Lappland

Texas (?)

ShiraYuki

AMIYA

Okay, I’m cheating a little with Texas since she has enough of her past implied, but it’s still technically a mystery as far as the specifics go. But you see my point, right? A lot of characters have a Mysterious Past™, which is a nice shorthand to not go into depth about writing their background. Now, you don’t need to give twenty paragraphs on their backstory, but something would be nice. Keeping things a mystery might be nice for the theory-crafters, but for me it’s annoy as hell to see so many character, so many high-rated that really just have their skills and design to go off of, especially with most the cast overall having a pretty simple background to them that are interesting when you read through the lore blurbs and think about it. Breeze is a former noble that wanted to do more good in the world than throwing money at a problem. Liskarm is a protective friend that joined Rhodes Island to make sure the problematic Franka integrated without problems. Frostleaf is a child soldier that wants to do some good in the world after becoming Infected. Kroos, Beagle, and Fang joined Rhodes Island after getting kicked out of their old jobs. You don’t need to be flashy, but giving answers isn’t an admission of lacking creativity. The hints might be nice for the analysts, but the fans would likely want some answers.

Again, Mostima isn’t a problem, and a lot characters in that list do have some concrete hints about their past. Texas and Lappland are likely a former mafia heiresses and old rivals. Shining was likely a highly skilled mercenary before realizing she could do more good in the world with a healing staff instead of a sword. Siege is likely apart of Londinium royalty, but was either exiled or ran due to political turmoil. But that’s the issue, likely isn’t confirmed. Mostima being a powerful character with a mysterious past just feels like a cop out to me. It’s not bad, but she’s a symptom of what some of the issues of Arknights story is. I’m not asking for AFK Arena-levels of lore, just... an explanation here or there would be nice. 

But anyway that’s my main issue, moving on.

General Gushing

Despite that large critique I have, there’s a lot I love about this story. For simplicity sake, because I’m tired of all the editing, I’ll put it into list form:

Penguin Logistics in general was just a joy to see. Watching them in action and just how laissez-faire they are is hilarious, especially when paired with the straightforward and reserved Bison freaking out over the wackiness. 

Speaking of, Bison made for a very good straight man to balance out all the wild antics of PL. He really kept things from getting too crazy by at least questioning the zaniness, and the point when he finally stops caring and just charges in with a crazy plan of his own just gave me the giddiest of smiles.

Given how they discuss it, PL apparently trade blows with criminals and thugs on a daily basis, and since they’re just a delivery company this implies they likely deliver drugs or other hot cargo the mafia and gangs want... and given Emperor’s personality, that wouldn’t shock me.

Emperor in general is a delight of a character. He’s about as charismatic and wild as his aesthetic makes him look. I would legit whale for him if he ever become an operator.

Learning a little bit about Lungmen culture was fun as well, as little of it as we see. It’s my personal headcanon now that the mafia and general thugs of Lungmen don’t mess with civilians because they’re either a sleeper agent under the Rat King’s protection or they might be a kung fu master in plain clothes like Waai Fu.

Waai Fu and Texas fist fighting in the streets of Lungmen is just hilarious and awesome. I honestly don’t know what that says about either of them. Texas is holding her own against a martial artist with over 10 years of experience barehanded, meanwhile Waai Fu is holding her own against what lore blurbs have implied is the former heiress/hitman of a mafia. All the while drunkards and Texas’s coworkers are egging them on. This is the dumb content I live for.

Save for some of the absolute bullshit of the challenge maps, I found the actual game content to be pretty fair and interesting. The Bullies required good defender placement, a lot of the ranged units focused on targeting the helpful buildings that buffed your characters and increased the operator deployment count, and maps themselves had a few clever chokepoints to work with... At least until they started spamming Fanatics.

Bison actually has a pretty solid kit for a free Operator. He buffs a lot of adjacent units, has a no real weakness, his tools don’t feel niche like Grani or Celycon, overall a great unit. Once I finish E2-ing all my main Operators I might build him next. 

While I have issues with her as a story element, Mostima is a 6-star that has instant utility once you promote her to E2, much like Chen and Siege. This is something I’m relieved to say as a lot of my 6-stars aren’t worth much until you E2 them and I’m still trying to E2 some of my easier units like Cuora and Gavial for Chapter 5 and CC.

That’s really all I have to say on that front. So to close things off...

For the Future

Like I always say in these Ramblings, I don’t like the idea of people prattling on about being able to “fix” or “rewrite” something has already been made. It always comes across as both arrogant and ignorant to me. However, I think it’s completely fair to make requests and suggestions for the future. ‘

That said, I'd like to continue seeing side stories without Rhodes Island’s involvement. Both to see other factions in their natural element and because, frankly, Rhodes Island always feels a little out of place when involved in other stories, or at least more of a distraction than a good element if chapter 2 and 3 are anything to go by. I think a Black Steel side story would be nice. Jessica, Franka, Liskarm, and Vanille getting into shenanigans in Columbia or something sounds like a fun time. Maybe have the leader/high commander of the organization as a new operator and they’re a really powerful Supporter than can buff the party, like a 6-star version of Sora or something that gives operators insane ASPD buffs... I don’t know, something like that anyway. Ideally something a little less wordy than Code of Brawl at least.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say. Next time... I’ll talk about something else. Maybe discuss a manga or something. 

See you all later.

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛