#why some bleach readers feel trolled

[fandom4soup]

Why Ichirukis Feel Trolled , A Fan's Advice To Young Authors

Long sad looks, passion and dynamism.

Inapropriat physical contact. He grips her pajama top, and in the wrong area no less, she touches his leg on the knee or above.

Do you have that kind of touching with your friends, especially in a friendship where both of you have compatible sexual orientations?

Would you be happy if your significant other did it to their best friend, who saved their life and oh with whom they live together? No, no matter the circumstances you would be at least jelous and a bit bothered about it.

Because Orihime is so kind, we sometimes consider her stupid. She is not. She saw it.

Tip for young authors. Don't bait your loyal fans, IF you don't want to face their resentment and criticism.

Forshadow the pairings you plan to make canon, and when you want a brother-sister dynamic between unrelated people, signal it.

Love triangles are not all spawned in hell, but if you have one în your work, just admit it, don't use it to sale merchendise and then act as people are stupid and you are above it all.

I am not mad that my ship ISN'T canon, as I am mad about being told that I am mad, bad and dangerous to know, because I am seeing what can have a valid interpretation as attraction between those two.

It would have been so simple to signal strictly platonic feelings between those two. They both have brother-sister connections in their life, just establish strong paralles between how they are treating their syblings and how they are treating eachother. People will ship anyway, but not because you led them on.

If your readers are that supid they can always say: "We are like brother and sister." Kishimoto for all his faults went on and said it about Naruto and Sasuke, another suspiciosly strong bond that had some ambiguity to it. People still ship it, but they weren't led on and then dropped into a parallel universe ten years later where you can't but feel that you must have missed something.

Even when your work is not about shipping, if you have couples in it, you should make at least a little effort when writting said couples.

When it comes to love triangles, some authors go that extra mile and actually make two of the people related, Lucas made Luke and Leia actual brother and sister. The fear of a repeat made the Kylo Ren/ Rey ship way smaller than it would have been before the second movie, when people found out that they weren't related.

I am not saying make Rukia a long lost Shiba. I am not an author. I am just a random moron on the internet. You are the one blessed with both the creativity and the power to fix it.

You are not forced to fix it. Just know that your fans will be dissapointed by it and some of them will just quit în dissapointment. For every annoying complainer you will have at least 10 readers that just give up and pick up something by another author.

If we are so vocal is because we love your work so much, and we are thinking about it long after putting the book down.

Some fans will be toxic and entitled. Some fans will just like to say what worked and what didn't for them în your creation,creation that they like enough to use their precious time to comment upon.

People are evil and you will always have some haters. The question is, do you intentionally troll people? If the answer is yes, why are you surprised when passionate segments of your fandom come after you with pitchforks? That's what people do to trolls.

I am against both physical and verbal violence, but when something displeases me in your work, I will politely make my displeasure known.

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

[eggs-love-loki]

Long post warning and spoiler warning for the Artemis Fowl movie

Here’s a collection of things I wrote down that offended me as a reader of the Artemis Fowl books. I have re read the first three books in the last few days so my memory is fresh.

Artemis II has morals. Disgusting. He is shocked and offended when the news calls Artemis I a criminal. In the third book, Artemis II is literally offended when his father wants to stop being criminals.

Artemis II also seems to be not only in good physical shape but is ACTIVE. VOLUNTARILY! This child was known to look like a vampire because spending all day looking at computer screens bleached the life out of his skin and you’re going to tell me he can SURF???

His dad (Artemis I) is a decent father. Leaves a lot but is at least a kind and loving father when home. Book Artemis I is not a good dad until he gets a near death experience and some fairy magic. Artemis II expects their first conversation after Artemis I wakes up to be about the family business, which I think indicates a lot about their relationship before Artemis I goes missing.

Artemis’ mom is dead??? (At least that’s what I got from the therapy conversation) Disney’s love of dead mothers strike again I guess. His mom is actually the only moral one in the family and is one of the primary motivators of his few selfless actions that occur in the first book.

This was the worst one so far- Calling Butler not only by his first name, but by a nickname from his first introduction. He doesn’t go by his first name until he is shot in the heart and literally seconds away from death in the third book, sharing his name with Artemis before being on his death bed is wholly against his code as a bodyguard.

Juliet Butler is now Butler’s niece instead of younger sister and is the same age as Artemis instead of older. I don’t know why they did this. I was expecting a forced romance plot with Juliet and Artemis but that didn’t happen, so I can’t figure out what the purpose of this change was.

Butler (Dom 🤢) and Juliet are black instead of European-Asian. I’d say it’s good that they’re still POC EXCEPT for the fact that they white washed Holly, a main character, and then moved the black character status to side characters when instead we could’ve had a black main character and European-Asian side characters. You don’t get diversity points when you took away book canon diversity. And, Butler and Juliet’s roles are significantly lessened, especially since one of Butler’s primary roles is being an actual father figure for Artemis. Since Artemis I is a decent father, Butler’s father figure role seriously lacks the emotional connection that exists in the book because even when Artemis I wasn’t missing he was still a cold and absent father. Butler was Artemis II’s only real dad for the first few books.

It doesn’t look like Holly even tries to be shielded in the troll fight? I know they have to be wiped anyways but she still wouldn’t just fly around in front of them willy nilly. Actually, I don’t think they’re using shields or camo foil at all since they transported the troll with no shielding.

I’m still upset at Root being a woman. They gave Holly a traitor father plot, which may be something in the later books that I don’t remember, but it’s not anywhere near as powerful or interesting a sub plot as Holly’s book sub plot of being the first female LEPrecon officer. I know 2020 is a lot different than early 2000s but there’s still value and power in a female character being the one breaking glass ceilings.

Josh Gad is a short human but idk why they couldn’t CGI him to be actually as short as the other magic people. Mulch is not a giant dwarf. He is a literal dwarf. This is the only complaint I have with Mulch though, he was probably closest to his book version so he passes.

Artemis II doesn’t believe in fairies at first when him being a child who still believes in fairies is the whole driving motivation of his big plot in the first book.

As I suspected, this is kind of a blending of book plots. Missing/recovering the father from the first two books, with Opal Koboi acting as the big bad. Artemis does kidnap Holly but it’s with an intention of saving his father instead of selfish motivations. I’m still appalled that they gave him morals. Disgusting.

I’d be mad at them speeding up his friendship with Holly but it’s cute so I’ll let it slide. If she hadn’t punched him in the face I wouldn’t have let it slide but she did punch him so it’s okay.

Sequel bait! Also, Artemis calls himself a criminal mastermind when he’s only done a single criminal thing and it was for the greater good lmao. Kidnapping Holly BARELY counts when you became best friends and let her go in like an hour. Also, the Fowls are apparently protectors of the secret of fairies now. Which Artemis does kind of eventually become that in the books but it’s largely out of self interest (getting to keep patents over his adapted fairy tech and such) and only partially out of friendship with specific fairies.

It’s kind of impressive how many elements they put into the movie from the first book while having a completely different plot than the first book.

Overall, I wish that they had done a more faithful adaptation to the books, but it’s not a terrible movie. Not great, but not the worst movie I’ve watched. Not anywhere close to as good as the books.

Also, I think that the book has a much more opinionated feeling than the movie does. A lot of the scenes in the first book that occur in Haven are about the problems with the LEP (who are, obviously, representing the police force). A lot of it is discussion of lack of funding, lack of diversity, the political aspects of getting promoted to command. The book has things to say. Not just about LEP/police forces but about society as a whole, later books address gang violence, address billionaires and selfishness leading them to watch the world burn. The billionaire CEO villain of the third book literally says something like “I’m dying in a few decades, I have no family, no kids, I have no reason to care about the next generation, so I’ll get rich and the world can burn for all I care.” The books have opinions about things it talks about. The movie has nothing. It doesn’t take any stances about ANYTHING the books address. It’s very hollow.

(And, let me say I blame none of this on the actors. The kids did a great job, I think they have a good future because these were solid performances. It’s not the fault of his actor that Artemis isn’t book Artemis, it’s not the fault of Holly or the Butlers that they had their race changed, that’s all on the writers, directors, and casting directors. I think that the actors all played what they were given well, but what they were given wasn’t good.)

[harmonization]

Ao3 tag game

Thanks @creamypudding for tagging me! 🙌

1. How many works do you have on AO3? As of today, the official count is 69 (lol) but some of these entries are collections comprised of multiple drabbles/ficlets.

2. What is your total AO3 word count? Right now it’s at 369,836!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 18 listed so far. Most common ones are FFVII, True Blood, Daiya No Ace, FFXV and Bleach with the rest kind of being one-off fandoms where I fulfilled one-time fic requests for friends etc.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? spyglass in reverse - 1,723 kudos it rains ashes on golgotha - 1,667 kudos like hawks over eden - 1,376 kudos pas de deux in print - 1,124 kudos a chronicle of the sun - 1,024 kudos

All of the above fics are Daiya No Ace except for Golgotha, which is FFVII.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? ALWAYS. Every. Single. One, without fail. I feel awful if I don’t - these readers literally took time out of their day to let me know what they thought of my work. Literally the least I could do is to show my gratitude and appreciation for their feedback. (I always take the extra step and address everything that their comment mentions, too, just to show that I care about / am actually absorbing what they’re saying and it’s not some throwaway compliment that I don’t care about).

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Heartbeat (Bleach). It’s my only fic with character death I think haha.

7. Do you ever write crossovers? Nah, it’s too much for my brain to handle. It’s the same reason why I can’t write smut involving more than two people at once - keeping track of two people’s body parts is already hard enough, once you get to three and above it’s a nightmare 😂

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not like, flame (is that term still used? 😂 I’m old af) or trolling kinda hate, but I’ve had my share of pretty severe criticisms. I’ve had someone say my work was cringe. Someone else has mentioned my work was unreadable 😢

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do! So far I’ve only written (cis) M/M smut, because I’m not too confident writing anything else (including het lol) just yet - I’ll need to build my skills on those eventually though. and I like writing frottage/masturbation/mutual masturbation the most, although I’ve written pretty standard anal as well.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, but this is the Internet, so anything’s possible 😬

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I tried once, with an IRL friend, and we never finished it. I’d definitely like to collab with a fellow writer on a project one day though! That sounds super fun!

12. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Genesis/Sephiroth (FFVII), without question. They’re literally the only ship that I still think about at least once a day every day for years now. I’ve yet to write any fic for them, but I still think about them a lot to this day ❤

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Digimon! Digimon was the first fandom I ever read fic in too, haha.

14. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? Oh gosh, it’s kinda hard to say. As of now, it’s probably a tie between: it rains ashes on golgotha (FFVII) he walked the bethsaida parable (FFXV) ticking time bomb in their chests (Ace Attorney)

These are the fics I consider my “giants” - the long novella-length oneshots that took a lot of effort, blood, sweat, tears and love!

This was a fun ask meme! I won’t tag anyone (since I have way too many writer friends and I don’t want anyone to miss out) so if you see this post, consider yourself tagged :)

[blueboycal]

Number One - Ashton Irwin

REQUEST: A jealous ashton request when he gets really jealous/ possessive because of one of the other 5sos boys being too handsy + An insecure ashton request where he thinks he isn't good enough for you

AUTHORS NOTE: shoutout to @flannelpunkcalum for editing this and helping me in general.

PAIRING: Ashton x Black!Reader

WARNINGS: mentions of racism, self harm

WORD COUNT: 1,912

She followed closely behind the boys as they entered the bar. She held on tightly to Ashton’s hand. They’d gotten off stage about an hour ago and were going to celebrate their third record debuting at number one. Ashton found a booth for them and they sat down while the others were at the bar ordering drinks. She checked her phone to pass the time before the other boys sauntered back to the table carrying drinks in each of their hands. Soon glasses were passed around the table and she picked hers up.

“We’re number one in the U.S baby!” Michael shouted. He lifted his in the air and brought it to his lips, downing the shot. Cheers erupted around the table. Everyone echoed Michael’s actions.

 “You guys earned this. I’m so proud.” She beamed looking around at the boys. They’d worked so hard to get where they are now, and their hard work was paying off. 

Ashton slipped an muscular arm around her bare shoulders attached his lips to her pink plump ones. He could taste the strawberry gloss that coated her lips. He broke the kiss satisfied that he left her breathless. 

“Get a room!” Calum hollered in disgust, while Michael made a gagging gesture from the other side of the table. 

“Oh, we will.” Ashton fired back. 

She felt her cheeks burn at her boyfriends cheeky remark, she took another sip of her drink as her eyes wandered around the club. The boys began to strike up a conversation about how excited they were to play shows. She continued to sip on her drink and half listen. She slid out of the booth and began to head towards the dance floor when a hand tugged on her arm. 

“Where you going?” Ashton asked.

“To dance.” She nodded her head in the other direction. “You coming?” She asked, hoping he’d join her on the floor. He may not be the best dancer in the world, but she loved his energy.

“No, I think I’ll sit this one out.”

She giggled. “Haven’t you been sitting all night?” 

“I’ll have you know drumming isn’t just sitting.” He retorted.

 She rolled her eyes at him. She knew a lot of physical exertion went into drumming, she just liked to give him a hard time.

 “I’ll dance with you. I feel like I’m gonna explode if I don’t move around.” Luke said, getting up from his spot at the table.

With a flick of her red box braids, she led the way to the dance floor with Luke trailing behind her still wearing his stage outfit from earlier. As soon as she stepped on the neon tile her body was swaying to the beat of the music that blared from the speakers. He grabbed her hand twirling her in a circle and pulling her close to him. Back at the booth Ashton occupied, he watched as Calum left to join the others. Michael had stepped outside to call his girlfriend.

He was left alone at the table with his thoughts.

He watched as Luke danced with his girlfriend, he felt a tinge of jealousy within. His green eyes followed their every move. Deep down he knew he had nothing to worry about; Luke was one of his closest friends and wouldn’t try to steal his girlfriend. There was something in they way he held her that bugged him to no end. The way he rested his hands on her waist and brushed her braids out of her face that made his fists clench. Ashton forced himself to look away and take a few deep breaths.

“There’s nothing going on between them.” He whispered to himself. He was acting jealous over nothing. It was just his overactive imagination making him see things where they aren’t. He had been sneaking glances at the two of them while scrolling through his social media.

Several derogatory comments caught his attention as he scrolled through the You section on Instagram. He clicked on the photo he posted days ago, it was taken before he’d gone onstage. He had his arms wrapped around her while she planted a kiss on his lips, she had her back to the camera so no one could see her face. In the photo she wore the white Youngblood hoodie which was a stark contrast against her dark skin and braids. Andy had taken the photo without either of them noticing and then sent it to him after the show was over. Ashton asked for her approval to post the photo and she agreed.

It wasn’t the first time he’d seen the photos of her receive hate but it was the first time he posted a photo that confirmed their relationship. She made a point to ask him to keep her face out of the photos he posted online of her. He fought tooth and nail to keep her out of the spotlight when they first got together. They’d take separate cars and enter restaurants separately. If management wanted paparazzi to follow him around he’d make sure to tell her ahead of time. The two of them kept a low profile by going out at night in places where they wouldn’t be spotted. He’d even entertain wearing disguises so he could hold her hand out in public. The hiding in plain sight was thrilling at first but he soon tired of the charade and wanted to be a bit more open about the relationship. In interviews he’d mention he was seeing someone or he’d mention her discreetly in tweets. 

He was several beers in when she had come back over to the table. “I’m ready to go, are you?” Ashton asked standing up from the table, her jacket and purse in his hands. 

“Yeah.” She took her jacket and slipped it on and put her purse over her shoulder. The two of them gathered their belongings and said goodbye to the other boys. Ashton couldn’t help but feel like she took too long saying goodbye to Luke.

 Ashton rushed up the steps to his house after getting out of the Uber. He unlocked the door and headed inside without bothering to see if she was even behind him. She closed the door and took off her heels and jacket. She set her heels by the door and went over to the hall closet to hang up her jacket. She observed her boyfriend unsure of what to say. The sound of his boots stomping around the house made her jump.

She didn’t understand why Ashton’s mood had soured. He was all smiles before they had gotten to the club. The screeching of the dining room chair being dragged across the floor sent chills up her spine.

 She went upstairs and changed into one of his t shirts and a pair of shorts before she crept into the kitchen. Ashton was sitting at the table with his back to her. He held his head in his hands, lost in thought. 

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked breaking the suffocating silence that had hung in the air ever since they left the club. Her brown hand clung to the door frame. Tucking a loose braid behind her ear she walked over to him and pulled out the chair closest to him and took a seat. Her brown arms sneaked around her sides as she tilted her head to look at him.

 Ashton slowly lifted his head up at the sound of her voice. Guilt spread through him; he didn’t mean to make her think that he was upset because of something she did.

“No.” He said softly, meeting her worried brown eyes.

“What’s wrong then?” Her eyes darted back and forth trying to get a read of his facial expression, but she couldn’t figure out what he was thinking no matter how hard she tried.

Ashton ran a hand through his brown locks and let out a sigh. “I don’t feel good enough… for you.”

“Good enough how?” She gently pried.

“I don’t deserve you. There’s plenty of other guys who could make you happy. I’m not good enough to be your boyfriend.”

“That’s not true.” She reached across the table and put her hand over top his, lightly rubbing it with her thumb. 

“Yes it is! Look how you are with Luke.” 

She furrowed her brows in confusion. “What about Luke? We’re just friends.” Ever since she met Luke they’d gotten along very well and although she found him attractive, she was never interested in him in a romantic way.

Ashton scoffed. “He seemed a bit too friendly when you were dancing together.”

She pulled her hand back and began twirling her hair. “Okay first, there’s nothing going on with me and Luke. And second, you are literally the best boyfriend I could ask for.”

“All I do is bring negative attention into your life and I hate it.” He frowned.

She shook her head. “People on the internet are assholes and they always will be. Nothing can change that. It’s better to ignore it.” She learned a long time ago that you couldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

“But-”

“Ashton you bring me so much joy and laughter in my life. You have a way of making me smile on my worst days, and you listen and try to understand the things I go through. You see me as person, and that’s all I could ask for.” She placed her fingers underneath his chin and titled his head upward so they were eye level.

“You’ve gone out of your way to defend me to your fans when you didn’t have to.” When they first started dating, Ashton wanted to show her off to the world and would constantly post pictures off her on his Instagram stories. It sparked an awful amount of hate from ‘fans’ who couldn’t understand why he’d choose to date someone who looked nothing like his last girlfriend. 

It got so bad she deleted her Instagram. Her account had always been set to private but she had hundreds of message requests that contained nasty and hurtful words. Some ranging from racial slurs to strangers telling her to hurt herself or bleach her skin because she was 'too dark’.

 She stayed off the internet for three months and eventually decided to create a new account because she didn’t want to let internet trolls take away one of social media platforms that brought her happiness. The hate she was getting resulted in Ashton having to write a series of tweets condemning the fans who wrote awful things about her, and him asking them to be more mindful of people’s feelings. It broke his heart to see how racist people were towards his girlfriend. He had to set the record straight. He was in love with her and no amount of hateful comments could change that.

 “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me about serious things,” She paused. “When you’re feeling insecure I want to know. Communication is the only way I’ll know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

 Ashton was speechless, he didn’t realize he had such a profound impact on her. He nodded in agreement. "Okay, I’ll try to be more open about how I’m feeling.” She got up from the chair and pulled his head against her chest. She ran her fingers through his brown locks while his arms wrapped around her waist. She pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

“You’re my number one.” She whispered.

[ingek73]

EXCLUSIVE: Kensington Palace is battling shocking online abuse aimed at Duchesses and their fans

Royal sources spoke exclusively to HELLO!

Emily NashJanuary 28, 2019 - 05:53 GMT

Kensington Palace staff are spending hours each week moderating sexist and racist comments directed at the Duchesses of Cambridge and Sussex, HELLO! can exclusively reveal. A handful have made violent threats towards the two women, while others are targeting 'rival' fans for vicious personal abuse. This news, along with a rise in abusive comments aimed at Kate, Meghan and their fans left on our own social channels has prompted HELLO! to launch the #HelloToKindness campaign, championing positivity online.

A source told HELLO!, "The Palace has always monitored comments but it’s a hugely time consuming thing. They can block certain words, but some of it is quite serious. Over the course of last year, with hundreds of thousands of comments, there were two or three that were violent threats. You can delete and report and block people and the police have options around particular people. It’s something you have to manage because there’s no other way to control it."

Neither Kate nor Meghan have individual public social media accounts, with Meghan famously closing her Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts a year ago ahead of her marriage to Prince Harry. Royal aides stress that the majority of comments left by some of Kensington Palace’s 7.1 million Instagram followers and 1.68 million Twitter followers are positive. But a source told HELLO! "A lot of hours are being spent reviewing old material and moderating comments under posts.

The problem has become such an issue in recent months that the palace have turned to Instagram in a bid to learn all the tools they can to help them tackle the abusive comments. The social networking company has a team dedicated to helping high profile Instagram followers cope with issues such as these, and particularly around the monitoring of unpleasant and abusive comments.

"It follows a Kate vs Meghan narrative and some of the worst stuff is between Kate fans and Meghan fans," the source continued. "Arguments about who looks more appropriate, for example, that turn into personal attacks on other users. It’s creating a supercharged atmosphere and everyone can join in, but what are the consequences of this?"

*This photo of Meghan received a barrage of abusive comments*

It’s a question we at HELLO! are posing to our readers this week after noticing an increase in abusive online comments aimed at not just the two Duchesses and others in the public eye, but crucially at other social media users who disagree with them.

Kate has been called "boring" and when Meghan made a surprise appearance at the British Fashion Awards, our moderators had to disable comments on an Instagram post and delete more than 500, because the debate became so abusive. On the day she was announced as patron of four charities and visited one of them, Smart Works, trolls targeted Meghan with a string of criticisms including accusing her of faking her pregnancy to get attention, trying too hard, walking strangely, touching her baby bump too much, and being too slim.

*The Duchess of Cambridge is also a victim of vicious online trolling*

They also attacked other users, with one urging another poster to "drink bleach" because of her different opinion. And when the Duke and Duchess of Sussex visited Birkenhead, another 477 comments had to be deleted from our social media platforms. As a responsible title, we have decided that enough is enough. It's not acceptable to constantly pit women against each other. It's not acceptable to post racist, sexist or threatening abuse on our platforms. And it's not acceptable to attack other users just because they disagree with you. HELLO! is now urging readers to spread the #HelloToKindness message across social media and take a stand against online abuse.

HELLO! is today urging our readers to spread the #hellotokindness message across social media and take a stand against online abuse. Editor-in-chief Rosie Nixon said: “Comments left under our posts – particularly any to do with Kate or Meghan – have become increasingly hostile – either towards the Duchesses or other users. So we’re asking people to think before they post and say #HelloToKindness. We want to make social media a more positive space for everyone to enjoy.”

HELLO's Head of Digital Sophie Vokes-Dudgeon said: "Issues of low self esteem are rife among young people these days and we feel, as a responsible publication with high values, we need to lead the way. It's a big concern for our readers too; in a recent survey we discovered how important these issues are to the people we write for, which is exactly why they read our publications. Being healthy in mind as much as in body is important to our audience. They are acutely aware of mental health and self esteem issues experienced by themselves, friends and family and also celebrities.

"They are realistic that celebrities and royals are not immune from life’s ups and downs and they admire those who have spoken out about mental health and image issues." Celebrities including Andrea McLean, Lorraine Kelly, Bros, Blue, Natalie Pinkham, Gaby Roslin and James McVey have already backed our #HelloToKindness campaign, but anyone can get involved and spread the word.

Make a stand. Say #HelloToKindness. Post your message of kindness on Instagram today.

[alroma1]

So about Gintama ending...

Troll or not troll? That is the question. So let me share my thoughts about Gintama ending... Again.

Grab some tea of coffee. This is not going to be light reading.

So yeah 5 chapters left huh? It means it is going to end at... 699? Well, okay. Lets count the ways of what can happen.

1. Sorachi at it again and it is just going to continue with the current arc

It might sound strange but I dont sure there is a meaning in this. Even the most hardcore fans shall tell that SS arc is either one of the weakest or the most weakest arc of the manga. Over one hundred chapters the plot might seems like going somewhere but in truth it doesnt. Plotlines that was stilll undeveloped after Rakuyou arc wasnt really given any good attention except Jirocho flashback about old days in Kabukicho and Kiheitai backstory. To say the truth those were the only things that gave Silver Soul arc some weight in my option. Unless there is some crazy plotwist, I dont see any potential in this arc though I would prefer this option over whole manga ending. Probably

2 It is really ending because Sorachi ends it or because Jump puts an end to it

All stories have to end someday and Gintama is no exception. Anyone who reads manga ongoing can feel that all recent events lead to ending... unless of course they actually have read gintama before SS arc. Yes, it kinda have an aura of ending but there is still quite a lot to cover and one thing gorilla was always good is giving development even to secondary character and having relatively logical plot building. And knowing this it seems really out of place that he still hasnt really worked with Zura and Sakamoto. Especially the latter since gorilla said several times that Ryoma is his favorite historical figure. So sensei made character based on him and then just leave him untouched? Strange to say. the least. Sorachi does not give impression of author who creates characters just for fun. So I doubt he would end manga until he touches all that.

Jump putting an end to it is more complicated matter. The current manga situation is very akin to another hit manga that very abruptly ended during the course of its too long for its own good final arc. Yes, I am talking about Bleach.

Despite Kubos assurances that Bleach just ended on its own I dont really buy it. But to say the truth I can not blame Jump for it. Kubo pointlessly stretched final arc and eventually it was his own downfall. Four years was enough for wrapping all plotlines nicely but along the line it felt like Tite stopped really care for his own work. Now why would this happened?

Kubo admitted that he did have problems with editorial department of Jump. Not going into details  but it might be the reason why Kubo did lose some passion for giving Bleach ending it deserves and wrote the worst last chapter I have ever read.

So now lets ask ourselves - If Jump refused to let Sorachi to write something he really wanted would he draws SS arc out of spite? The reason I ask this question and not why would Jump cut final arc before Sorachi could wrap things nicely is simple. 100 chapters enough for wrapping things nicely, for some reason Sorachi just doesnt want to do this. The difference between Gintama final arc and Bleach final arc is that latter was approaching its end but was so slow in it that readers of jump and editorial department could not handle this anymore. Gintama final arc is pretty much merry-go-round. We have already seen everything that happened there just in other arcs.

Returning to question...but before answering it let me point out something that I think is important. So yeah, Kubo probably did have beef with editors but honestly everytime I read about this, I always got the feeling that Tite never really-really insisted on his view of things. That is just my personal impression nothing more. 

Sorachi on other hand always gave impression of really stubborn person. Stubborn and down to earth I would say. I hope your remember all those jokes about gintama cancellation. I personally dont take those too serious but in Russia we says that “in every joke there is a part of joke” meaning that in every joke there is more reality than joking. So I would say Sorachi at least has certain level of self-awareness. It just as much as he would insist on what he wants to write as he would not try something that he knew would never get permission. 

Another thing is that despite from time to time having beef with authors overall editorial department of Shonen Jump give me impression of more open-minded people that willing to go risky if they see real potential(unless of course it is a kiss which God forbid lol) And I suspect that Gintama more or less always had that potential in their eyes

But everything can happen and lets suppose it did not go so nicely as I wish and Sorachi did have disagreement with Jump. Would he write pointless things for two years just out of anger for Jump? He could actually. Sorachi is quite grumpy and does not feel like a person who just silently takes a grudge. He could but I dont think he would. And the first reason for this probably would be... it is being too much pain in the ass. At last in terms of amount. I could imagine it if SS arc was > 50 chapters but to draw 100 chapters out of grudge is too much even for gorilla. Another thing I believe that despite continuous jokes about his own manga Sorachi has pretty decent option of it and despite dissapointment he might felt from not being able to do some things he really wanted, he still would try to give Gintama ending, that while not being as great as he wanted would still feels befitting it.

Does SS arc feel like this kind of ending? No, it doesnt if you ask me. 

Funny thing Sorachi already has done two versions of Gintama premature ending arc. Kintama arc and 2nd Movie

Of course those two still can not feel like real Gintama ending for various reasons, but they still way better than SS arc. Bottom line here is that even if for some reason Sorachi could not write the ending he planned, he would still do better than SS. I think.

So in the end of this part - yeah Jump could be putting an end to Gintama but when you start to think why it gives birth to a lot of questions.

3. Gintama is really ending but some form of continuation ( prequel, sequel) announced.

I have already told that I think Sorachi is planning to end Gintama but continue the story in other form. I personally think it is going to be a prequel. Technically this way it all looks pretty logical. Gintama is ending ( so Sorachi said truth ) but still can develop things left untouched.

The problem is that it doesnt make SS arc problem go anywhere.

4. Gintama is not ending ( yet ) but Silver Soul arc is.

On 3d august 74 volume of Gintama went on sale. In opening comment Sorachi says that he would try to end manga this year. The problem that in order to fully understand his message one needs to read closing comment too. It is just my fan translation but I think it is right.  And overall it feels like confirmation, that he is not going to finish Gintama this year. Someone would say it is just a joke. It might be but to say the truth it is too damn smart for being just a joke. Plus in Gintama most jokes have second meaning.

There is also afterworld that also was translated in Yonkou post

( by the way it is left hand probaly) First of all mention of coundown is clearly not a coincidence. Sorachi knew about announcement. He knew and shamelessly trolling about it. It may sound just like Sorachi but I dont think so. I dont believe he would troll his readers with shadow of hope if Gintama really was ending.  Little detail is that there are no mentions of what he is counting. There is 74 volume but all others numbers dont have words showing what is counted.  It is “3... maybe 5... no wait, 10 is better”

Now it most likely does mean volumes. But out of sheer curiosity how about chapters? Than it is even more trolling. Maybe years? But it is too long. At last for Gintama alone. Months? Now months and volumes seems possible if you ask me.

Possible if there is one more arc after Silver Soul arc.

The proble with SS arc plot is not only that it is weak but that it rejects previous events. 

Like Hata`s dad being dead even though in second chapter he threatened Hasegawa with it.

Hedoro`s flower grew during his mature years and not childhood as it was shown before

And Hinowa being able to walk without any good explanaition. Those are not all but enough to give a picture of what I mean.

Numerous ( really a lot of ) “mistakes” in art. Like the most recent one with Kondo`s scar

I clearly remember someone joked ″I wonder when Sorachi will forget about Kondo`s scar”. But lets be real - one cant really forget something like this. But one can troll with it. Just like with one iconic places of Gintama - terminal. Just try to go through page of Silver Soul arc paying attention to it. You shall find it having everchanging appearance. And not only because it was blown up twice.

“Those are just mistake because of hard work“ Might be. Sorachi is just human after all so its natural to forget some detailes. But the thing is that all those numerous “mistakes“ and rewriting of the plot started with SS arc. True Sorachi did make mistake from time to time but there never so many of them. The big weakening of the plot too strated with it. Yeah, many people say that it started with Rakuyo and I agree to it in some degree ( though I think there is a reason for it ) But it can not even be compared with drop of SS arc. The weakening and stretching is nothing new to long running manga nearing its end but the problem with Gintama is that real drop  literally started with SS.

So I suspect that for two years Sorachi Hideaki was writing a fake final arc

“it is impossible“  Well, I would like you to remember who is writing this manga and realize that HE can. The real question why would he do it for two years of his own life. Here some thoughts about it

a) To troll all cliche about shounen ( not only) manga endings

Like literally pretimeskip part is collection of standard ending troupes for shounen. Post timeskip doing it in much less extent but have its own problems. I really can imagine gorilla reading on internet fans theories about ending and feel incredible desire to troll all those.

b) Wanting real plot to have good pacing

You know how popular manga became somehow stretched especially close to its ending? I can see Jump asking Sorachi stretch Gintama a bit and gorilla doing it but the way that real plot will be left untouched

c) To get vacation ( take of pressure for some time )

This is the strangest one. Weekly manga drawing is hell. At least this is how Sorachi calls it. But I guess it can depend on gorilla`s ability as an artist. If for him planning plot takes much more time than drawing than indeed he had.more free time in those two years. I can see him explaing that before last arc he needed a little rest.

On the last note, believe me or not but one thought that I have been having for some time is that it would not be trolling final arc without trolling countdown

So those are my thoughts about Gintama ending and what is going to happen. Not insist on anything though. It way better to be prepared for anything including real ending. I just hope this was at least a bit intereting as exuse for being so damn long

[mutualhighmaintenancemachin-blog]

I need a fix cus I'm going down

Made the mistake of appraising myself sufficiently healthy to attend a bonfire with normal decent tax-payer type folks. Stood up too fast in my chair and blacked out completely, hit my head on concrete. When I came to i had no earthly fucking memory of having driven to the bonfire, nor could i really recall the names of the three concerned hipsters perched over my limp doughy abscessed jaundiced shit heap of a body. Told them it was a problem with blood sugar, i had forgotten to imbibe my afternoon orange juice! Translation-haven’t slept in four days, taking in roughly two hundred calories a day all in ginger ale. Meth heads opt to sustain themselves on a diet of paranoid resentment in lieu of proteins and grains. The cook gets super spun and lectures us like we’re babes about the dark leftist forces presently waging war on the masculinity of the white man-for one thing, he's convinced that jews run the porn industry and that fucking pornhub is riddled with overtures both overt and subliminal intended to brainwash white guys into identifying as weak and feminine and to associate men of color with heroism and strength. He also believes that soy causes gender dysphoria. All of these batshit crazy delusions act like stars in the broad constellation of the cooks worst dystopian fears-a workforce with no room left for traditionally male-centered leadership characteristics dominated from top-down by a host of future ladies who make their trade in creative collaboration, rather than fear and theft of other peoples ideas. Without a need for a provider, our nazi-bespectacled methamphetamine cook envisions a new sexual economy in which women will jettison their attachments to the family structure in favor of like, industrialism, i guess, and men will have no other resort but a desperate turn to cross-dressing and dick-taking and i guess maybe stitching scarves. It was at this point that i was really tempted to tell the cook something he needs to hear-if you really believe that large shadow societies are orchestrating history just cus they want to make you some dudes boyfriend, its probably cus part of you wants to be. I get that, sucking dick is a blast. if you’re terrified that you can’t compete in a post-modern job market, it might just be because you aren’t. There’s no place left for cowboys or outlaws or methcooks cus those professions only make sense in the context of an insanely violent frontier. You feel obsolete and useless because you are, but make no mistake, that hurt has nothing to do with the world everything to do with your soul being severely malnourished. I know cus mine is too! Real moral christian courage is showing up to your crucifixion with a smile on your face ready to graciously thank the romans for every nail they put through your wrist. You feel empty because your a paranoid fascist meth cook, i feel bad cus I'm a junkie. We are bad. The nazi pilots who blitzed france in two sleepless, speed-fueled nights probably felt fucking fantastic, as if they were aloft on the trade winds of history itself and their momentum across europe must have seemed like proof enough of the moral righteousness of the german cause. But then the morning comes and the meth wears off and your skin smells like piss and your back aches and you can’t stop grinding your jaw and the first wave of survivors begin to trickle out from the camps and presumably in that moment a few nazis had the epiphany-that the very same starved beaten traumatized jewish women and men and children they had aspired to extinguish from human memory were now going to tell the story of what had happened. Power loses, grace is its own kingdom, etc etc. Furthermore those german officers who managed to transition back to civilian life and start families must have experienced a very strange new parental dynamic-can you imagine a family at a dinner table and the proud head of household instructs his small son to finish his vegetables and after pausing to mull it over for a few moments his son turns to him and says Father having thought about it a great deal i don’t think ill be following your instructions-after all you were only following instructions yourself when you helped to engineer the greatest cruelty in human history! To which ostensibly the father mumbles to clear his throat and asks his wife to pass the potato salad. Not even to invoke the possibility that the Fuhrer himself Mr. Adolph Hitler probably died surrounded by a swarm of shadow people, fucking hilarious just the thought, him yelling in that distinctive manic patois of his that he’s the leader and the abeyance of his will is sacrosanct blah blah blah while the little invisible mites under his pale skin shift and swell and scratch and the shadow people dancing around his peripheral vision taunting and cajoling and ridiculing him and the absurdity of his final solution and because he didn’t know speed the way we now know speed he probably didn’t know anything about the shadow people at all from his perspective they might just as well have been the ghosts of his victims come to taunt and ridicule him in his lowest hour pointing and laughing and daring him to pull the trigger!   

The same entitlement motivates the mass shooter who imagines a world full of seven billion perfect strangers as an attack on his rightful pursuit of happiness. No one will sleep with him and he can’t make sense of his place in a world built on fucking so he begins to indulge in fantasies of coercion, revenging himself on the very public space he so craved Now if our hypothetical douchebag had any pretense of self-awareness he might have looked into the possibility of adopting several dogs, and in turn coming to see his life as a story about caring unconditionally for animals. That’s a helluva life-Saint Francis got into the catholic hall of fame for doing not a whole lot more. Or perhaps he could adjust his expectations of intimacy in consideration of the countless plain-to middling-to ugly folks who are forced to come to terms with the truth early on that all of our bodies are grotesque and hideously deformed billboard advertisements for our big beautiful impossibly dense souls-come see a kernel of divine inspiration made self-aware, shimmering in the glory of creation,  just two exits past the tits and chin and ankles and all the rest of our faulty parts. 

Now a discerning reader(however unlikely you’d be to find one in an audience consisting of absolutely fucking nobody lol) might have already begun to detect a certain heady strain of hypocrisy in this authors conclusion. Because while I'm not much of anything the one thing i certainly am is a self-destructive drug addict. So maybe its one thing for me to make fun of the cook for his wrath-filled flu-stricken infants tantrum of a way of viewing the world, assigning to his solipsism a generation-hopping solidarity with his nazi forefathers who came before and identifying in his politics the germinal seed of fascisms future, a politics so personal and self-contained that every divorce will be debated as if it were a stand in for larger cultural decay, every morning hangover a portent of spiritual decline, the vitals of the stock market remeasured and reassessed each time someone finds on the sidewalk a loose dollar bill. Political assemblies with real largesse exclusively devoted to trolling the instagram of a nebraskan man named doug’s now ex-wife  for pictures of her maui vacation with husband number two drinking mojitos on a beach with sand bleached white as bone and both of them grinning with surgical precision an opulent almost confrontational kind of public grinning Doug couldn't recall that bitch ever having felt for him and the kids off playing in the surf and well how could any concerned and conscientious citizen fail to see the basic threat to democracy that whole scene represents? Donald Trump is probably the loneliest man in the world. He’s never met another person. He spends his time wandering the halls of his head checking for reoccurrences of his own reflection, a lifetime spent pathologically re-telling the same story about how he came to be the most powerful person in the world, so that by the time he really became who he had always pretended to be, the most influential figure in the free world, he had long-since bought into his own fraud to such a great extent that even the real thing couldn’t compare. Only a selfishness and self-centeredness as grandiloquent as his could explain the mindset of the modern mass shooter and the micro-politics informing him. He confuses his head for the world and then becomes enraged when it won’t do as he wishes, cursing the rain for its cold lash against his shoulder where he’d rather there have rested warm summer glow, furious at the thought of all the people he would never meet in far-off places he would never see who never paid him any attention whatsoever. Playing peek-a-boo a little bit of cheating peer through chubby fingers arrayed like a geisha’s fan and for the first time see that objects don’t disappear without our gaze to ontologically anchor them to earth. What a hurt. Now it might be technically correct that my addiction does to my loving family what the selfishness of the mass shooter does to public space. It intrudes like an alien thing and turns the air chilly in our childhood home and it transforms the medicine cabinet into a contested territory in need of defensive fortification and now that Cassies marriage has crashed on the rocks of addiction nobody could blame her if she never allowed another addict to darken her doorstep again and there was the sight of Jan opening my trucks passenger side door and a few rigs fell out onto the floor and all the spoons in the house have one side burnt-and-bruised like a black-eye you say you got from falling down a flight of stairs despite body language that says something entirely else why is it we don’t have a single spoon in the house what ghost spends all night punching the walls full of holes 

recently went to an Alanon meeting to sneak a glimpse of how the other half lives...this lady said my addiction is to loving my addict. Bawled rivers out from red raw-rubbed rubber eyes and said my addiction is to my addict Not her person or qualifier or partner but her addict. Syntax almost seeming to suggest that something about the existential plight of the addict gets her intoxicated dizzy on pain. It’s quaint though cus that sort of sentiment is for fucking rookies-guarantee you no ones crying over me like a romantic. Not anymore. My thing these days is of a distinctly more shakespearian strand of tragedy, with wittgenstein and derrida’s influences also undeniable. I’m sick now in a way where people stop crying and praying you’ll find God and change and decide instead it’d be easier to just cross the street. Schizophrenics lost in a chorus meant only just for them, apocalyptic street preachers who stand on soap boxes while reeking of shit and give voice to visions of an America not our own, an alternate dimension where european arrival at the shores of the new world stalled out somewhere halfway across the pacific ocean on a wave so tall it scraped the heavens and America grew up a nation of nomads who set their watches to the rumbling migration of herds of buffalo and not even the highest priest could dream of a more beautiful idea than that of motion, movement without cease, the only acceptable fixed still frozen property being the burial mounds where the dead went after all their motion had gone-if they could view us on the other side of the looking glass stolen away in our own personal homes they would almost certainly come to the conclusion that this place where we live is just the land of the dead, a negative photograph of everything vital and good. Who would i be to disagree though, right? 

The point is anyway that some alchemical reaction of A. Mental illness and B. Amphetamine abuse has more or less stranded me in words. Verbs and nouns and adjectives and adverbs in place of sky and grass. What Fredric Jameson called the prison house of language. Where derrida’s difference goes to play for eternity, never quite meaning what it had meant to say. What shook wittgenstein speechless. The president’s rhetoric so hollow that you can almost see him suffering a kind of dementia or spiritual torpor that results from the badness of his faith. Chewing and chomping consonants and sounds till they all are made to mush and shearing syllable after syllable off the network of signification until all that’s left is one satellite pinging a distress call hello is anyone there off of its own side. It’s own side like Adam plucked Eve from his rib and said put on this dress-after they ate the fruit and God cast him/her out to walk the world alone reportedly God said have fun all alone you worthless slut. Imagine trumps final state of the union-i am very sick, i have been alone for as long as I can remember, i wish i hadn’t lied so often, i wish i had occasionally told the truth, i would trade all of it to have known just one person. 

Anyways, barring that miracle of political theater, the body gets sick and dissolves while the spirit is lost in words. I’d like to die in a bathroom stall in haughville with a rig stuck in my arm and the words I'm sorry stuck at the tip of my tongue and God decides to show some compassion and makes me a deal says you were never much good to people didn’t believe in a thing but you sure could do some impressive vomiting up of nonsense words and so what ill do is your soul will dissolve and turn into ink and for the rest of eternity you’ll be a naughty joke or a half-scribbled doggerel scrawled on the wall of a piss-soaked bathroom stall in the ghetto or you could say call this number here for a good time and don’t forget to ask for large marge and nobody’d ever suspect you were trapped in there or maybe a joke like this favorite of mine about my son it goes something like Jesus Christ was a God-awful carpenter, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Christ was a God-awful, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Couldn't pull a nail. Christ was God-awful. Couldn’t nail his own couldn’t save a carpenter terrible couldn’t pull god-awful a terrible carpenter he couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. I can’t pull this nail to save my own life. It’s right there sticking out of my wrist, but for whatever reason I just can’t find the right words to pull it out he was a carpenter who couldn’t pull a nail even if his life depended on it couldn't save his own life he couldn't-

For a good time call this number 1-555-555-5555 and don’t forget to ask for-