thebigirlwithafakesmile-blog - Tumblr blog

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Ready to go

How do I know if I am ready to go?

How do I know things will get worse?

Why do I trust the voice in my head

Thant screams I should do it?

I think I am ready to go

But the thought of leaving you

Is like a storm of tears on my face.

The though of making you go through this

Is more terrifying than death itself.

Noting is perfect in the end I guess...

I didn’t mean to hurt you.

I didn’t mean to make you cry.

I am sorry and forever I will be

I am not selfish. I am just ready to go...

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They say that every sunset is a new beginning, but for me it’s another night full of struggles...

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I am so tired of everything

I feel like everyone hates me

Maybe it would be better if I was gone.

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Today

A.I.

Today I felt like dying

I was ready to give up

I was ready to let everything behind,

But you kept me here.

You are the reason I haven't yet gone.

Soon we will say our last good morning,

Soon we will say our last I love you,

Soon we will walk on different paths.

Our road is almost ended

But you tricked me.

Our love is different,

It's intense and beautiful,

But don't worry I was careful.

I pushed myself not to fall too bad.

I wish I could say the same of you,

Because our love is soon done.

Today I felt like dying,

But you kept me here.

Tomorrow who knows what will come,

But you will still keep me here.

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Blame

A.I.

It's the same as always

It hurts just like it always hurts.

And you don't understand

And you don't understand me.

I want an escape

I want a break

I want to be okay,

But how can I be

When I wake up like that

When I receive your reproaches

When I'm to blame,

For everything and nothing.

When I think about it, maybe it's better

To die.

I haven't thought about that in a long time

It's weird

It was such a familiar thought

And it was gone

And I was better

But not for long.

It's been 4 months

As in Paradise,

But you know what they say

Eve destroyed heaven,

Sweet poison that

Destroyed you too.

My home country

A country that destroyed me

Or were they people?

Mother

Father

Who are you?

How can I learn to be a mother

If I didn't have one?

How can I learn to choose a husband

If I didn't have a father?

How can I learn to raise my children

If I didn't have anyone?

I played your part

You've always been the immature one

You did not understand me

You haven't even tried

And it's still my fault

Just like always

I

I

I

I'm to blame for everything

I'm sorry I was born

I'm sorry I exist

I'm sorry for everything

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Happy pills

Wake up

Eat 

Drink water

Take your pills.

They call them happy pills,

But in reality the all lie.

My happiness is not in a package with a name on it

My happiness isn’t in an hour session with someone I don’t trust

You think you can cure me,

But trust me you won’t. 

It is fine though, 

I will act as you want me to,

I will pretend happy to be,

So you can win. 

So you can have cured me.

And I wake up,

And I drink water,

And I take my happy pills. 

[thebigirlwithafakesmile-blog]

Maybe it's all you need

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Just don't ask.

TRIGGER WARNING: As the summer season approaches people will be wearing shorts and short sleeved shirts. IF YOU SEE A PERSON SELF HARM MARKS DO NOT ASK THEM ABOUT IT. DO NOT STARE. DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNLESS THEY SAY SOMETHING FIRST! BE A DECENT PERSON!

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Don’t tell me

Depression: Don’t tell me you understand because you get sad sometimes

Insomnia: Don’t tell me you’re an insomniac because you missed a few nights of sleep

Eating Disorder: Don’t tell me you have an eating disorder because you missed a few meals

Bipolar: Don’t tell me you’re bipolar because you get mood swings on your period

Anxiety: Don’t tell me you have anxiety because you got nervous before your exam

ADHD: Don’t tell me you have ADHD because you’re hyper sometimes

Schizophrenia: Don’t tell me you’re a “schizo” because you see shadows and hear sounds at night

OCD: Don’t tell me you have ocd because you like to wash your hands after you eat

Self harm: Don’t tell me you understand because you once skinned your knee to get out of sport

Suicidal: Don’t tell meyou too are suicidal because you would rather die than miss a concert

Just don’t.

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“Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I’ve sat iny my room and cried, how many times I’ve lost hope, how many times I’ve been let down. Nobody knows how many times I’ve had to hold back the tears, how many times I’ve felt like I’m about to snap but don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that go through my head whenever I’m sad, how horrible they truly are. Nobody knows me.”

—

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It's funny how people stay just until you tell them what they want to hear.

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Reblog this if you are part of the LGBTQ community

I want to make new friends and follow you all!

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“She was kind but not in bed”